#also i sat on this caption for half and hour because i couldnt think of anything else to write

[churrodraws]

are we still talking about lupus

[pbandjesse]

Happy Halloween!! I hope you all are having a great day. And I really hope you all can see the special moon tonight! Right now its slightly cloudy so I havent seen it yet but there is still time 

I felt a little better today. I feel a lot better right now. But that wasnt true all day.   Last night was hard. I was half asleep when James got home. And then was half awake pretty much all night. Like every time there was a sound I would like focus on it. And sweetP was pushing on the door and making noise and I kept getting a song stuck in a loop in my head and it was just not fun. 

So our alarm goes off at 7 and I was like. Hey I just. Cant. And slept until 9. James came back for me but I was not doing good. My mouth still hurt really bad. And I was just sore everywhere. I felt weak. He brought me the breakfast sandwich he made me and some berries. But I couldnt taste anything so it was a struggle. 

I knew I wanted to go out into nature today. I told James this. And he said he would be ready whenever I wanted to leave. 

So I pulled myself out of bed and got showered and dressed. I braided my hair and put glitter all over my face and I felt really cute and started to feel better. 

We drove out to a trail head James had biked to before. And it was really beautiful. I tried to take some instax photos but the lighting was apparently to dark and they didnt come out. But thats okay. The nature was really pretty. I climb on a fallen tree. James climbed on a big rock. We found a sculpture in the woods? The leaves were so nice and the weather was cold but in the best way. 

Most people at least put a mask up as they went past us. A few people didnt even seem to have masks with them and that was annoying but we didnt say goodmorning to them so I hope they know we thought they were rude. There was a lot of mud and I slipped at one point. But we were holding hands so I didnt fall for long but i did bump my knee and it got wet and I was sad about that. So when we found a bunch we sat for a little while.

Then I got really hungry all of a sudden. So we turned around and took the path back to the car. 

We decided to go to the BBQ place James's likes. I got a bunch of sides. He got ribs. We shared cornbread. The boy at the window told us that he has been encouraging people to vote and someone got really mad and called in to try to get him fired. Wild. I hope he's alright. 

We went home. Had out lunch. And celebrated sweetP's birthday! He is 6 today! James had given him some cream cheese for breakfast and for lunch we let him lick the rib bones. He also had a little potato salad and corn bread. The food was great and I enjoyed the company. 

After lunch I did some cleaning. James worked on the kitchen while I picked up the rest of the apartment. It made me feel better. 

Soon though James had to go to work. And I was sad. But I wished him luck and promised we would do the halloween stuff on our island when he got home. 

When he left I went to lay in the studio to watch a video. I got cold so I put my skeleton costume on. And laid down. But then there was so much music outside. I forgot about the kid parade of costumes. I watched them for a little bit but they had bruno mars music blasting so loud for almost 3 hours. It was not the greatest. 

I was able to fall asleep but it was still loud when I woke up. I got up though and worked on a few little projects. Tried to be positive. 

It was about 5 and thats when the Animal Crossing Halloween stuff started! So while I would save most of it for when James got home I did play for a little. I am slightly sad that none of my villagers think Im wearing a costume. So I have to carry around a mask so they will give me candy. And I won a few of the things I really wanted. I had to get off though because if a villager sees you they ask for candy and I wanted to make sure I had enough for when James got back here. 

The island did throw a little party for sweetP's birthday though and that was fun. They had cupcakes and a pinata. It was very cute. I took so many pictures. 

I hung out and worked on stuff for the instagram store tomorrow. I accidently deleted all my drafted posts so I had to retype the captions all up again but I did it on a google doc I can grab from. Frustrating but I will make it work. 

Eventually I took a bath. Listened to spooky stories. Made a taco. Sang songs to sweetP. Its been a good night. 

I hope James comes home soon. And I hope the moon comes out. And I hope we all sleep easy tonight. Take care of yourselves. Be safe!!

[thedankfaerie]

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel 

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 

 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point. 

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 

someone please help me. 

[hypmicscenarios]

Disneyland Date

DisneyLand Date + First Kiss

A/N: Again, using they/them pronouns to make it universal

You were nervous, very nervous. One of your first official dates and it as a trip to Disneyland??? Wasn’t typical first dates like the movie theaters,a restaurant, anything that wasn’t as extravagant and out there as Disneyland? Not that you minded. You loved amusement parks and you were sure the day would be fun but….you were more worried about you kissing him. Maybe you were a bit too “old�� to not have had your first kiss but...it just really never happened. And sure you always fell for the bad boy character in movies but….you never thought it would happen in real life. Or….that he would like you back? You didn’t think you were anything special. However, even with all these thoughts, there were still ways that he made you feel very special, like the luckiest person in the world. Very very lucky.

As you two agreed upon, you waited at the train station, dressed in, what you would say, one of your best outfits. Soon, you heard a deep voice behind you. A voice that was impossible to mistake. You turned around with a smile,”Samatoki, hey,”you said, being brought into a small and quick hug, enjoying the feeling of his chest for a moment before you pulled away, his arms still loosely around your waist. “Are you ready y/n?”,he asked. You nodded,”of course I am.”

Samatoki moved his hands away,placing one hand behind his neck and speaking,”you look cute today...not that you dont always look cute though,”he said, blushing a bit. You smiled at him,”thank you, you look very handsome, like always.” There was also that. He may have had a bad boy look but when he acted like this, it seemed like he had never even hurt a fly. It was cute. He was very cute. Especially what he was wearing. It was hot that day, so he was wearing shorts and red, blue, and orange floral colored button up.

Soon, the train came, and seeing the amount of people boarding, Samatoki instinctively pulled you close by your shoulders, walking into the train. Since it was the weekend, it was understandable that there were no seats...and crowded. Samatoki grabbed onto a handle, keeping you close to his chest, which made your heart beat….and his as well. You smiled into his chest as you could feel it with your hands and looked up,”thank you,”you said. “Just stay close.”

“Phew, who knew the whole train was basically going to this side of town,”you said, finally getting off. Samatoki grabbed your hand and led you to a bench,”lets sit down for a couple minutes,”he said, you thanking him for how considerate he was. You took a deep breath and looked at Samatoki,”were you able to get any sleep? I tried to, but I was too excited. Ah, dont worry though, I have way more than enough energy today.” Samatoki spoke,”the same...happened to me to. I was excited to go with you.” Your heart beat a little out of its chest and you spoke,”so were both still up even though we told each other goodnight,”you said, letting out a chuckle.

A couple minutes later, you and Samatoki stood up and headed towards Disneyland, your heart and body fueling with more energy the closer you got to the amusement park. Once the two of you got in, you were quickly stopped by a person with the camera, asking if the two of you wanted a picture. Might as well.

You stood next to Samatoki as he wrapped one hand around your waist.

“You two are lovers right? Closer closer! And you,”the photographer said, pointing to you,”maybe like, wrap your hands around his waist. And loosen up a bit, this is Disneyland, the happiest place in the world, show use those cute smiles!”

You did as she told, blushing at all the words. Lovers….such a big word! Wrapping your hands around Samatoki as he moved his hand around you shoulder.

“Make a heart with your free hands!”

You made half a heart, couldnt help but smiling at this point, the person’s energy hit you even though they all the way over there. Smiling up at Samatoki, he blushed, making the other half of the heart, the person taking a couple of pictures, then handing them a ticket.

“You can go pick your photos up as you leave over there, the place with a giant camera in front of it! Cant miss it!”

Bowing, you thanked them and looked at Samatoki,”you doing good there?” Samatoki nodded,”of course I am, I was just looking at the shop.”  

“You want to go there and get some things to wear around? Like mickey mouse hats!”

Towards the middle of the day, the two of you had gone on a couple rides. The pair of you were wearing Mickey Mouse hats, yours pink and his blue, even getting your names engraved in the front. You were walking around and took a small break in a arcade. Your eyes went towards the claw machine and you gasped as you saw a [fav disney character] plush in the middle of it.

Samatoki noticed,”you want it?,”he said, smirking,”people always struggle but this a piece of pie to me,”he said, very confidently, so when he didn’t get it on the first try, you giggled. “Piece of pie huh?”,you said, only slightly teasing him. He blushed,”I was just warming up” You watched him as he tried five times. But he finally got it. He looked so determined to get it for you, when he got it out, his eyes were sparkling and he gave it to you proudly,”here, for you,”he said….it almost looked like he was a puppy waiting to be praised.

You smiled and hugged him,”thank you Samatoki,”you said, taking the plush,”and he says thank you too,”you said, holding the plush up in front of your face. You joked around and moved it towards his cheek,”mwah”, you said,making a sound, giggling as Samatoki waved it way,”really…”,he said, looking away and blushing. But...he was happy that he could make you smile.He had been a bit worried that he’d make it boring for you...but the two of you just always found thing to talk about.

“Are you hungry y/n?”,he asked.

“Yes,I am!”

The two of you went to grab a bite to eat and sat down for a bit to let the food rest before you went on anymore rides. So, you sat down in a resting area outside, the two of you at a table. You were on your phone and went to snapchat, opening the dog filter, placing the camera on Samatoki who was currently looking down at his phone. As if he felt your gaze, he looked up, and you took the shot. “Hey wait, what type of photo was that?”,he asked. You smiled to yourself,”just a photo.”

“Youre lying, you know you’re a bad liar y/n,”he said, leaning over the table. You moved back, phone to your chest,”but its cute!”,you said, and you had already saved it. “Thats exactly why it needs to be deleted, you put a filter on me again, didn’t you?”,he said, standing. Oh no. Hes standing. “S-Samatoki wait..”, you said, getting up yourself,”I cant delete it.” Samatoki’s eyes was filled with determination,”oh, you cant? I’ll gladly do it for you.” Your heart raced as he got closer and you went back,”I mean I can, but I wont!” Quickly, you turned around, running towards a bench, then behind a statue, going in circles as he chased you, and sending the photo to your email, because you knew capture was inevitable, until you hit into a broad chest,”Oof.”

Large hands wrapped around your body,”I got you.” You playfully screamed as you struggled in his arms and he pulled your phone away. He looked at the snap, stopping as he read the caption,”my cute boyfriend,”his face going red. Samatoki held it up, despite your desperate attempts to reach up at it. Tch. He pressed post then handed it back to you, then exiting the app.

“There,”he said with a smirk.

You hit his chest with your fist,”meanie!” Lucky you sent it to yourself.

Samatoki chuckled,”youre cute when your angry.”

“Sadist!”,another soft punch to the chest.

“Does that make you the masochist?”

Your face heated up,”n-no!”,you said. Even at times like these….you still loved him. Despite how nervous he seemed sometimes, he would sure contradict when he said bold things like that. You walked over to your table as Samatoki followed behind.

The two of you passed the day away until it came time for fireworks. He held your hand, fingers intertwined, as the two of you searched for a good spot, an hour early, even going on the internet to locate the best spots to see them, since the two of you didn’t know. You found your self sitting down in a a patch of grass. Samatoki had purchased a mickey mouse blanket for the two of you to sit on.

As you waited for the fireworks, you reminisce on the whole day, and thanked Samatoki for purchasing the tickets and….absolutely everything that day. You tried to get him to budge but once the words “this is our first date, so I want to do everything, so you can be happy without any worries.” You knew he was just being a gentleman, but that caught you off guard. You caved easily after that.

Your legs were spread out in front of you, a content smile on your face,”Samatoki...thank you for everything today. Being with you made me really happy. Definitely one of the best days of my life. And not cause its Disneyland but...cause you were here.” You were too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

Suddenly, a hand around your shoulder pulled you towards him, your head now on his chest.

“You make me happy too. Today was nice….and seeing your beautiful smile all day was the best part of it all,”he said, despite his slight blush. “Im lucky to have you.” You smiled,”isnt that my line?”

“No its not,”he said, pushing you away so he could look at you. Both hands went on your cheeks as he continued,”Im so very lucky to have you. I always push people away. I even tried to do that with you. But, this time, I couldnt bear the thought of you being away. You managed to weave your way into my heart, you’re special to me, dont ever think that you arent. Or else I’ll tickle you until you say the words from your mouth.”

Your heart was moved by his words and you were getting a bit emotional till he said his last words,”thats unfair,”you said, pouting. Samatoki pulled at your cheeks,”its very fair. I know all your weakness.” You chuckled,”is that a threat?”

“Hm? I dont know…”,he said and before you knew it, hands were at your side. You fell back on the blanket as you tried to move his hands away,”t-t-toki, unfaiR-ahahaha,s-stOP-” he stopped, laughing along with you, now hovering above you. Samatoki looked lovingly into your eyes and placed a hand on your cheek,”y/n, I love you.” Your heart rate instantly increased but you looked back at him, with the same intensity of love, smiling fondly,”I love you too, Samatoki.”

You could this was it. The moment.

When he started closing in, you closed your eyes, indicating that you were ready. You felt your lips connect and….it felt absolutely magical. As if on cue, the fireworks started, but you and Samatoki were you in your own fantastical world at the moment to care at the moment. As the kiss went on, and you slowly started to get the hang of kissing in general,your hands wrapped around his neck. It was definitely more than what you imagined, but you were glad it was Samatoki.

When you pulled, your face was very hot, and Samatoki pressed your foreheads together,smiling,”fireworks?” You nodded with a smile,”Yea, fireworks.” He pecked you on the lips again before you pulled aaway and the two of you enjoyed the fireworks.

[n-lauryn]

My history and growing love with Emarosa

I’ve made a few posts on Instagram about this band, but there’s only so much that I can actually write in a caption, and it never seemed to do justice (maybe a full blog post won’t either because I’ve been shit with words recently, but it’s worth a try).

I’ve been a fan of Emarosa since 2014. I’ve always known them since Bradley has been in the band, when their album Versus was just coming out. I was 15, and my boyfriend at the time was a little older and could drive, so he was always the one in charge of the music. At the time I think I was almost exclusively listening to Mayday Parade and the other bands along that line -- I was not one to get out of my comfort zone and I’m still one to forget the groups/bands that my friends recommend me. So, when Versus came out he was absolutely stoked. He downloaded it and we listened to it on long drives. He lived about half an hour away, so if we ever went to his house, or anywhere around where he lived, it was just enough time to listen to the whole Emarosa album. I was hesitant at first, but I loved it. He’d show me other music, but I’d ask him to put on Emarosa. Sianvar? Later. Chon? Later. I want to listen to Versus.

The breakup with this person was very toxic and volatile. Something I will not go into detail (not the point of this post, and despite the breakup, I still have respect for him), but to put into perspective, there are many things that I stopped doing, places I stopped going due to association. I do not go to his hometown, I don’t go to diners he and I went together, I just removed anything that would make me think of him, and in turn, make me sad. There was a bit of a lull where I didn’t listen to much music, but I remember eventually I wondered what Emarosa was up to, and I saw that 131 was out. And hoo, if I thought that I liked Versus, 131 was a different story. There was not a single song on this album that I did not like, and I could tell you within the first 15-30 seconds which song it was. There was something reignited, some sort of drive and love I forgot that I had. Which some people will think is stupid -- it’s just a band -- but they meant so much to me. This was one thing my ex-boyfriend didn’t take from me, and it made me feel so liberated and powerful. Free, individual. The love for this band was created from him, but was now mine.

Emarosa came around my hometown in 2017, at a venue about an hour away. A friend of mine, Alex, who knew I loved them, went with me and I paid for VIP tickets for the both of us. She didn’t know anything about them or their music, and was essentially going so she could transport me, but she’s been my concert company for years and she knew that this one was especially important to me. This was my opportunity to meet the group, see the faces of the people who helped me find my individuality. Who saved my life, after one of the worst relationships of my life. Funny enough, my friend and I ended up being the only two with VIP. The girl who hosted the VIP, Becca White, was the sweetest (I still remember you and follow you, girl. I wish I’d thanked you in the moment for dealing with my nervous self). She walked us to the downstairs hall, where the guys were hanging out. I’m almost embarrassed, but I don’t think I’d seen or registered their faces before. They came up and hugged us, and I just remember being frozen in place with this stupid shit-eating grin on my face. They were so friendly, so lovely. They asked how we knew about them (Alex was honest and said she was just the transportation, and that’ll come into place later), and I made a joke about how I learned about them through a boyfriend, dumped the boyfriend but couldn’t dump the band. I don’t remember much, mostly because I was starstruck, had so much to say but didn’t want to be overwhelming. Part of the VIP experience was an acoustic song, and the one thing I remember is requesting an older song that was one of their lesser known ones, and they apologized because they couldn’t play it, so they played Sure (still a banger and also jokes on 18 year old me for being an edgy indie bitch who exclusively liked and requested a lesser known song on a 3-year old album). I sat there and quietly sang and harmonized along with the biggest smile on my face -- which I will say, was one of the most awkward things ever. It’s so much easier to sing when you’re drowned out, but when you’re face to face with people you’ve idolized for years, singing alone made me freeze in place. But it truly was one of those moments where you realize the people you idolize are just people (and fortunately enough in this situation, good people -- which is hard in the music scene nowadays).

The biggest thing that struck me wasn’t even the VIP part. It was after the show. I got to meet their drummer Brent and touring bassist Robert (which is now their permanent bassist, which makes me so happy), and Brent gave me one of his drumsticks after noticing me in the front. But like I’d said previously, Alex had never listened to Emarosa before, she actually didn’t know any of the people who were playing this show, and went solely for the sake of me. Alex is also not the most expressive woman, so while we were both in the front near the speakers and I was dancing/singing to every song, she was stood there with her arms crossed. We stopped by to say hi to the members of the other bands, and say hi again to Bradley, who immediately recognized us. He asked Alex if she had a good time, and if she was alright, because she was so stone faced. He gave her a big hug after she promised she enjoyed herself and would listen to more of their music when we got home. He was genuinely concerned with her time there, which I wouldn’t have expected from someone who has so many fans. But they actually care, which I think about and bring up to this friend regularly with Alex (even 2 years later).

As I’m writing this, Peach Club is coming out soon and they’ve released three singles that have all been absolute bangers. This band has released nothing but amazing music for years, all while being genuinely good people. I have such an appreciation for them, and wanted to express it somehow. 

[conorpmaynard]

All Started With a Song Part 7// Conor Maynard

Word Count-  1852

Summary- conor sees your cover and contacts you

A/n- (feel free to change the friends name I was just too lazy to write y/f/n that may times) so sorry it took so long. i was at my friends and couldnt get time to post. heres part 7. i hope you enjoy. im also not going to lie ot you guys, i have no idea when part 8 will be up. this is laos the longest imagine ive written so far!

~~

You groaned as you rolled over in your bed, the loud noise filling your ears. Your alarm was going off. You slowly reached your hand out from under the blankets and shut it off. You were so tired but you knew you needed to get up. It was currently midnight. You needed to pack everything into the car, get to the airport and get everything checked in by 2:30.

You reluctantly got out of your oh-so-warm bed and walked to the guest room.

“Ali, get up. We have to get ready,” you whispered, lighting shaking the brunette.

You walked to the other side of the bed, “Livy, c’mon. We have to get ready.”

“Why did we stay up last night? We’re so dumb,” Alice groaned, sitting up.

“I regret it so much,” Olivia whined, pulling the blanket over her head.

You laughed lightly, grabbing the blanket and ripping it off the bed.

“You bitch! What did I ever do to you?!” Olivia shrieked.

“Get up you lazy bums. I’m making breakfast,” you said walking out to the kitchen.

“By making do you mean getting the cereal and bowls out?” Alice smiled, following you.

“And the milk!” you retorted.

“Hey Liv, can you bring me some Ibuprofen? My head is killing me,” Alice lightly shouted. A few moments later the blonde came out with a bottle of pills.

“Why did we do that last night?” She groaned.

“Because we’re dumb and immature,” you laughed.

“Not so loud please,” Alice whispered, swallowing 2 of the pills.

“Sorry,” you gave her a smile. “Maybe some Cheerios will help.” You passed her a bowl full of her favorite cereal.

“Oh my god,” she moaned as she took a bite. “God is real.”

You and Olivia laughed.

“Did we take any videos from last night?” you asked, handing Olivia her bowl.

“Let me check,” she took a spoonful of cereal while opening her camera roll. “Oh. My. God.”

“What?” you and Alice asked in unison.

“Look,” she had a weird look on her face when she handed you her phone.

You looked at the screen, mouth wide open.

You were stood on your bed, in an old t shirt and booty shorts. You were clearly drunk and very happy.

“Y/n!” shouted Alice. “Give your bae a quick shootout!”

“Yeah!” Olivia giggled, her grip on the phone shaky.

“I don’t have a bae,” you said sadly. “But I will give a shout out. Shout out to Conor Maynard for being a grade A asshole.” You hoisted the bottle of beer in your hand into the air. “You really know how to treat a girl. Hope your mommy’s proud of you.” You kneeled on the bed and got really close to the camera.

“Oh, and I think I might love you…” you said quietly. And then the video ended.

You stood there, not realizing the tears that had shed down your cheeks.

“Oh babe,” Olivia wrapped you in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t feel bad. I was drunk, I said something I didn’t mean.” You lied through your teeth, hoping they would believe you. “We’re going to LA in a few hours, we should be happy!”

“Speaking of that, we should really get ready.”

“Oh crap,” Alice said looking at the clock. “It’s already 12:45.”

You three quickly washed your dishes and rushed to the bathroom. You guys spent the next 45 minutes getting ready, jamming out to music and packing your essentials into your carry ons.

By 1:30 you three were stood at your door, making sure you had everything.

“Carry ons?” you asked.

“Check!”

“Check,” Olivia placed her hands around the straps of her backpack.

“Phone and charger?”

“Got them both,” Alice said phone in hand.

“Where’s your charger?” you asked.

“In my bag.”

“Prove it.”

She sighed, “Yes mom.” She took her backpack off, opening the front pocket to reveal her various chargers.

“Olivia?”

“Check and check, “she had her charger in one hand, phone in the other.

“Makeup?”

“We packed all of it into yours.”

“Oh right. I have the necessities, Liv has the snacks and you have the activities,” you pointed at Alice who nodded.

“Suit case?”

“You can see them!” Olivia chuckled.

“I’m just going through the list we made!”

“Computers?”

“Yes! We both have them! Can we please go now?”

“Yes! Let’s go!!” you squealed, shooing them out the door. You placed the key in the lock and turned it. “Hold on, I need to do one more thing.”

“What?”

You ignored their questioning looks as you walked across the hallway, knocking on the door. The door opened faster than any of you expected.

“Mornin’,” said the very attractive young male who just happened to be shirtless.

“Hey Alex, here’s the key. Feel free to eat any food you find and use my Netflix.” You smiled, handing him the key.

“No problem,” he smiled, leaning against the door for support. “What exactly am I doing again?”

You chuckled, “Just making sure no one breaks in.”

“Right,” he straightening himself. “I can do that.”

“Thanks again,” you reach up and kissed him on the cheek. “I owe you.”

He smirked and closed the door. You turned around to two girls gawking at you.

“What the hell was that?” Olivia asked.

“That’s my neighbor Alex,” you said, grabbing your suitcase and beginning the long walk to the elevator.

“Why have you never mentioned him?” Alice asked, following you.

“Never came up, I guess,” you shrugged, approaching the elevator.

“Can we also talk about how its Alex. As in Jack Maynard’s friend Alex.” Olivia trailed off.

You laughed, pressing the elevator button, “It’s not a big deal guys. He doesn’t really socialize with anyone but the boys.”

“Have you guys hung out?” Alice pestered, following you into the elevator.

“Once, but it was when I first moved it last year. He was nice, but then had to leave cuz Abe needed help with someone. We just never clicked,” you shrugged once more.

“Why are you not freaking out?” Olivia questioned.

“Because I wasn’t going to use him to get to Conor, so why try? Yeah he’s nice and stuff, but I’m not that kind of person. Also he’d find out sooner or later that I’m a fan of him and his best friends.”

“You have a point, but I would have been all over that,” Alice laughed.

“Do you want his number?” you joked.

“You have it?” she gawked.

“No,” you laughed. “I just wanted to see your reaction.”

~~

It took you girls a solid 10 minutes to figure out how to get everything in the car, it was like a giant version of Tetris.

The car ride was full of out-of-tuned singing and dirty looks from people who were stuck at the stoplight next to you.

When you finally got to the airport you parked in the long term parking and walked inside. It took about 20 minutes to get through security. You had to stop and beg the security to let you take the snacks on the 11 hour flight, which they eventually allowed.

You stopped by a Starbucks because you were all running on about 2 hours of sleep.

“Guys look!” Olivia smiled, pointing out the large windows that displayed all the airplanes.

“Let’s get a picture!” you giggled.

“Hi, could you please take a few photos of us?” Alice asked a teenage girl.

“Sure!” she smiled a big toothy smile and took the phone.

You guys took some facing away from the camera, some facing the camera and some sitting on the ground. After thanking the girl, you exchanged pictures.

While you were sat at Gate 4 waiting for your flight to LA, Conor was an absolute mess.

~~

“I fucked up mate,” Conor sighed, spreading across the couch.

“And I don’t feel bad,” Jack said annoyed. Conor did this to himself.

“What do I do?” he asked his younger brother.

“Let her go. Bro you lost her, just accept that.” His brother sighed, pausing the game to give Conor his full attention

“I can’t,” Conor sat up, squeezing a pillow tight to his chest. “I like her a lot.”

“Then why did you ‘forget’?” Jack asked, using the finger quotes when necessary.

“Because I was jealous, I wanted to make her jealous. But I regret it,” he groaned, slamming his head into the pillow.

“If you regret it, why did you unadd her on everything?”

“I don’t know, I was upset that I just let her leave.”

“Bro, you’re so fucking stupid.” And with that Jack got up and went to his room.

Leaving Conor by himself while he was sad was a bad idea. He always did things he would later regret. And this time was no different, he opened his phone and went to Instagram. One lil peek wouldn’t hurt.

Yes it would.

He typed in your username and noticed you had a new picture. The picture was of you and two girls, the same two girls from your previous post, in front of a giant window of what looked like an airport. All three of you were in a squatting position. Alice and Olivia had their fingers pointing at the camera and you were in the middle, hands in prayer formation.

His eyebrows knit together in confusion as he read the caption.

@y/i/n/

spontaneous vacay with my besties? i think yes!

Where were you going? Why? Who were you going to see there? What were you going to do? He clicked the picture and went to the brunette’s, Alice, page. He was even more upset after seeing her post.

@aliiibooo

a spoon full of travel makes the sadness go away

Her picture was off you three, once again in front of the giant window. But this time you were in the middle, one arm wrapped around each girl. Alice was throwing up a peace sign and the blonde, Olivia, had her hand on your face, squishing your cheeks together. He once again clicked on the picture, this time going to Olivia’s page.

Her post was of you three facing away from the camera. Conor couldn’t see your face but he knew you looked beautiful.

@oliviaaaaaa

LA, we’re coming for ya ;)

California? Why were you going to California? What was in California that wasn’t in London?

Lots of things you idiot.

Conor was half tempted to message you about it. But then he got a call.

Incoming call: Anth

Anth? Why was Anth calling him?

“Hey bro, what’s up?” Conor asked, curiosity filling him as he laid back on the couch.

“Before I tell you anything, you have to promise not to get mad or do anything stupid,” Anth said slowly.

“What are you on about?” Conor chuckled.

“Promise me,” there was no laughter in Anth’s voice.

“Okay… I promise. Now tell me what’s going on,” he sat up again.

“Y/n is coming to LA to do a cover with me,” Anth said quickly, fear consuming him.

It took Conor a few seconds to respond but Anth never expected him to say what he did.