#also ive been having some pain with my wrist so this was a quick drawing ^^'

[artofeden]

oh no you figured out my shattered obsession. *runs away/silly

:)

He finds you amusing ^^

[xberylliumoxide]

LIGHTNING ROUND: OC Summary!

Gonna do a quick summary for all my ocs other than the two ive already done!

Robin

Full Name: Robin Feline Fursyth (Feline is pronounced Fuh-leen) Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: Asexual Gender: Nonbinary Height: 5'5"

Marks & Scars: Rope scars on her wrists. She's Brutus' childhood best friend, right hand man, and adoptive sister. She doesn't speak; she was born with a severe stutter. As a child she was never allowed to learn sign language and her father tied her hands as a punishment when she chose not to speak—as a consequence, she has panic attacks when restrained. She was kicked out at 12 when she met Brutus, who was also living on the streets at the time. She essentially functions as Brutus' personal first responder when he gets into fights. Relationships: Brutus (brother), Alex (friend), Murray (friend), Noah (friend) Interests: First Aid, Stargazing, Knitting Fear(s): Handcuffs

Noah

(sorry this is the dumbest possible image to use lmao) Full Name: Noah Andeerson Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: Gay Gender: Cis Man Height: 6'2"

Marks and Scars: Self harm scars across his ribs and sides. Brutus' boyfriend and later husband. He was born and raised in Buckstone, a deep south-type town, a few miles away from Toontown and came to Toontown to get away from his homophobic family. He met Brutus—who had a massive crush since the moment he saw him—his first day there and he showed him around. He's very repressed because of his roots. Shortly after showing up in Toontown, he had to go back home to take care of his mother because his father died. He had finally been able to be himself and it was ripped away from him, and he got very depressed. He finally came back to Toontown after a suicide attempt Brutus managed to stop that gave him asthma. He idolizes his brother Zeke and is close with Gabe because they shared a room growing up. He eventually comes out to both of them and they accept him. His mom comes around eventually too. Luke always bullied him growing up and never accepts him. He also has a slight lisp which is irrelevant but cute. Relationships: Brutus (husband), Robin (close friend), Alex (friend), Luke, Zeke, and Gabe (brothers) Interests: Stargazing, Exploring his Sexuality, soft pop emo Fear(s): Losing his family

Noah's Brothers (aside)

the crossed out names are their old names before i decided to change them to be more biblical :}

Rose

Full Name: Murray (i dont have a last name for him), goes by Rose Pronouns: any Sexuality: Pansexual (initially identifies as "straight-ish" when dating Alex) Gender: Genderfluid (identifies as cis for a large portion of life) Height: 5'9"

Marks & Scars: Missing left ear and scars on the outer lower thigh. Rose was in an accident as a teenager with a faulty cog (in a human au it would be a car accident) that caused him to lose most of his ear, some of their hearing, and causing damage to her left leg. His knee randomly gives out and he sometimes falls down, so she walks with a cane most of the time and occasionally uses a wheelchair. Later on the damage progresses and he has to have his leg amputated, hence the prosthesis in the drawing. She is a very affectionate, high-energy optimist with mom-friend energy. They are very good at gentle parenting techniques and helps Alex keep their temper under control. In return, Alex helps him with his chronic pain and mobility issues. In the early stages, he believes himself to be straight, but is happy to stay with Alex after they come out to him as trans and later comes out as nonbinary themself. They grew up with two moms who support him and Alex both emotionally and financially which is why the two most disabled of my ocs have the best house Interest(s): Flower Crown Weaving, Gardening, Birding

Maura

Full Name: Maura Mullins Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: Bisexual Gender: Butch woman Height: 5'11"

Marks & Scars: Dip dyed ears. I feel like I should give her more than that but that's it for now. She started with more scars lol She originally started as a Sim, but I liked her and her wife so I wanted to make them into Toons. She was involved in the mob with Brutus, which is where they met. She is cruel and often surpasses his boundaries, and she uses his weaknesses against him. Eventually she escapes the life and gets therapy, getting a job as a pro-domme. She then uses kink as a way to channel and process her thoughts rather than as an excuse for violence. She runs into Brutus one day and apologizes for the way she treated him. They become friends again after he later approaches her to help him process some trauma in the dungeon. Relationships: Brutus (ex), Melanie (wife)

Melanie

Full Name: Melanie Mullins Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: Lesbian Gender: Cis Woman Height: idk i havent bothered to give her one She was in a band with Alex a while back and they briefly dated. that's it basically

Here's the video where Maura and Melanie were designed btw :)

I'm gonna do one more I think with Fite&co and Lil Oldman

[paper-n-ashes]

sparks and embers - chapter 2

Characters: Poe Dameron x Original Female Character, Kylo Ren x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Summary: Alexys is a doctor living a life of exclusivity on Raxus, hoping to survive through a peaceful existence, concealing herself from those she believes would use her, or kill her. When fate intervenes and instigates a perilous journey she’d been desperately trying to avoid, Alex finds herself caught in the middle of two sides in both war and love.

Chapter 2 - Consciousness

Words: 3.4k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: mentions of blood and broken bones, medical procedures

Read on AO3

~

It was the light of morning that caused my eyes to flutter open, the hardness of the tiled floor beneath slowly recognised in an increasing ache pulsing through my body.

I was slow to move, measured actions helping to bring myself into a seated position, arms shakily holding me up at the sides. Memories of the previous evening flooded back in swift succession, along with the pain of immense fatigue that always followed the act of letting the Force do my healing for me.

Did it even work?

My hand gripped the hospital bed that his body remained slumped on and I pulled myself upwards, feet gliding along the ground under my legs until I could stand. The scene before me was still shocking, even in remembering all that happened. Eventually, I noted the even breaths seeping in and out of the pilot’s chest.

He survived the night. Well done.

The numbers on the monitor confirmed what the voice had said. Heart rate steady. Oxygen levels optimum. Blood pressure higher than it had ever reached the night before. Looking over the battered and broken man, covered in dried blood that had spilled to the bed and floor, I felt a rush of emotion break free from its cage in my chest, unleashing an irrepressible urge to cry.

I sobbed quietly, knowing it was both relief and exhaustion that the tears crawled down my face. I wasn’t really sure why it hit me so hard. I didn’t even know this man, and somehow his survival at my hands was overwhelming, bursting at the seams with a happiness I’d never experienced for a patient before.

But then I recalled what I’d done to make it possible.

Fear struck like a spark in the centre of my chest, rippling its way through my veins.

There’s no way I could explain this as a simple act of medical miracle. He’d know. Then they’d know. And everything I’d built would come crumbling down. I’d have to find a new planet, a new home, build a new clinic, leaving everything behind.

I just wanted to heal people. I didn’t want to be a part of either of their worlds, and I didn’t want to d-

A croaky moan escaped from the pilot’s lips, his eyes moving underneath the lids, struggling to open. He groaned louder, and it became clear all too quickly he was starting to feel his extensive injuries. Panic set in, realising I hadn’t had time to give him any anaesthetic or pain relief.

This was going to be a rough wake up.

A piercing whimper bellowed from his chest, startling me into focus. With the trolley at hand I wrenched open the draws in search of anything with a pain-relieving quality and prepared the med-injector with heavy fluid. He’d already started to move his limbs, presumably in a way to understand what was happening, and another strained yell echoed in the room, sending a shiver rocketing down my spine. I jammed the needle into the IV cannula port, pushing in the medicine without much of a thought to appropriate dosage.

I just needed to stop him moving.

He began hollering even harder, tears welling in his eyes as he started to thrash against the mattress. Snatching at his wrists, I slammed them back down on the bed.

“It’s okay! You’re okay! I know it hurts but you’ve got to give the painkiller time to work. I promise it’s going to be alright!” 

His eyes flew open, an obvious distress burning from behind brown irises. They flickered over my blood-stained clothes, then locked into mine, pleading, begging for me to do something to take away the agony.

“I know,” I said softly, a more tender edge to my voice. “I know it hurts. I’m doing all that I can. Please just stay still. It will get better. Please.”

The pilot drew in a deep, haggard breath, his bottom lip trembling. Eventually his jaw clenched as our eyes remained fixed, a silent pact of trust hanging in the air. It took me by surprise, how easy it was to calm him, and I seized the chance to soothe him even further.

“My name is Alex, I’m a doctor,” I explained. “Your ship crashed just outside my clinic. You were hurt, badly. You fell unconscious and I brought you in here to treat your injuries.”

Such a simple explanation for the truly gargantuan effort I had performed.

I wonder if he’ll ever know how close to death he was.

It wasn’t the time to tell him now, not when he seemed so scared. There was some semblance of understanding in his features, dark bushy eyebrows furrowed in thought for a moment, only for his eyes to shut again as he withheld a pained cry. I released my grip from his right wrist, placing my hand in his to squeeze gently. An act of sympathy, something I had done many times for people in distress. Even the small movement was enough to make him yelp.

Kriff. I forgot his arm was broken.

“Sorry!” I squeaked. He was still wincing. “Let me try and fix that.”

It was obvious how wrong the angle appeared in his forearm, beginning to prepare more local anaesthetic into the injector handle. I shot the needle a few centimetres above the fracture, the pilot barely flinching. Compared to the rest of his injuries it would likely have felt like nothing at all.

“I need to set this okay? Your arm is going to feel numb in a minute or two. I’ll be as quick as I can.”

His nod was measured, careful not to move anymore than he had to. I left him for a moment to find my universal cast and a sling, giving the injection a few moments to filter through his tissue and into the nerves. When I returned I could see some of the pain medication had already started to take hold, the sting of discomfort in his eyes beginning to waver, his muscles losing their tension and relaxing ever so slightly into the mattress. I prepared the cast, cutting the shapes out for his fingers and thumb, getting it ready for quick application.

“Poe,” he said slowly, his voice croaky and filled with restraint. “My name is Poe.”

I met his gaze again, trying my hardest to put forward an aura of confidence, even in my exhaustion. “Nice to meet you, Poe,” I smiled. With a lightened touch, a finger trailed softly down his right forearm. “Can you feel this?”

“A little,” he whispered. It was clearly hard for him to find his voice again. “It’s kind of… fuzzy.”

“Do you think I could try and set your arm now? I can wait if you prefer.”

“I can handle it.”

Underneath his lips I could imagine gritted teeth, clenching hard, bracing for the pain. It occurred to me then maybe this wasn’t the first time he’d broken a bone.

Without another word I pulled the X-ray unit’s arm up towards his fracture site, hoping he didn’t notice the splashes of his blood smattering the machine. Pressing down on the image button revealed a better picture in comparison to the absolute mess his femur had been. Only his radius was broken, in an even line, no splintering to be seen.

Finally something easy.

With two hands around his arm on either side of the fracture, I poised myself for a quick pull and twist. Poe’s muscles tensed underneath my grip.

“Just try to relax, it will make it much easier,” I insisted.

He drew in a deep breath, and the tension released from underneath my fingertips. I’d learned in my experience not to tell patients exactly when I was going to perform something painful. Something about the surprise of it somehow made it hurt less. So with one fluid movement I pulled and rotated the bone back into place, knowing even before I shot the X-ray it would be aligned. Poe was crushing his eyelids closed, waiting for me to move again.

“It’s okay, I got it.”

His eyes opened, meeting me with a look of surprise. I’d already begun to position the cast, bending the malleable plastic to the contours of his limb.

“First try?” he marvelled. I nodded, while trying to rein in my ego. “Never had someone get it on the first try.”

I swallowed hard. “I, uh... I wasn’t so lucky with your femur.” I flicked through the previous X-rays, pointing to the multiple shots of my attempts to fix the break. His eyes widened, mouth in a small ‘o’.

“That was my leg?” he gasped, “And you put it back?”

Both of our eyes glanced to the wound on his thigh. It was closed.

But I didn’t put any bacta on it.

Poe’s disbelief distracted him from my own. What I’d done last night with my crude attempt at Force healing had managed to not only mend the life-threatening severing of his artery, but also somehow pulsed enough energy to knit his wound back together, leaving a sealed laceration where the deep hole had been. Dread filled me again, weighing down so forcefully I didn’t want to move.

How am I going to explain this?

“T-thank you. For getting the bacta into it so quickly. Must have some good quality stuff.”

Thank every particle in the universe. He suspected nothing.

I moved slightly to position myself in front of the trolley that stored evidence of the low quality bacta solution and salve I had used for his chest wound and burns, and feigned a smile of appreciation.

“Just doing my job.”

All of a sudden it seemed to hit him, the situation he was in. His questions came out in rapid fire, desperate for clarification.

“Wait, where am I? What happened to my ship? Where’s BB-8?”

He began to rise from the mattress, wincing at the many injury points as he pulled himself into an upright position on the bed. The quick movement evidently made him dizzy, as he pulled his newly casted arm onto the bed railing to stabilise a wobble.

“Woah, just hold on a minute there,” I snipped, doctor mode engaged. “You’ve still got some serious injuries that need time to heal. Nasty burns, a collection of broken bones and the remnants of a punctured lung. Now bacta can be a miracle cure but it still needs more time before you start moving around again, or you’re going to ruin all the progress I made.”

Poe looked as if he was going to argue, but as my eyes bore into his, he recoiled back into the bed, sighing from both the pain of movement and the lack of answers.

“I was in the middle of an important mission okay?” he stressed. “There are people who are waiting on me. I need to get a message back to the Resistance. To tell them I’m out of commission.”

I tensed. The thought of the Resistance coming here to pick up their injured pilot was enough to make my heart beat faster. Sure, maybe Poe didn’t suspect anything, but the likelihood of convincing force sensitive people like Leia Organa, or the scavenger girl….

Attempting to fool them into thinking I’d healed this man with a bit of brute force and bacta would be near on impossible. But I couldn’t prevent Poe from contacting anybody without arousing even more suspicion. I’d just have to go along with whatever he wanted until I could formulate some kind of plan.

“Alright, how about I get you my transmitter and you promise not to try and move until I say so?” I offered, the tone in my voice not really implying that no could be an appropriate answer.

“Sure thing doc,” he agreed.

Maker, I hate when people call me that.

I made my way over to my tech station, using the moment to give him a couple of the answers he’d been so desperate for. “You’re on a remote clinic on Raxus, about 3000 kilometres- uh… klicks, from Raxulon. Your ship… Well, I haven’t been outside since it exploded at my front door. And your droid unit… I haven’t seen.” I realised quickly how insensitive this information came out when I looked up from my rummaging to Poe’s horrified expression. He began to sit upwards again, giving even less care to his wounds, forcing me to rush back to stop him. “I haven’t checked outside yet!”

“Why haven’t you been out there?” he demanded, eyes flaming.

“Maybe because I was stuck in here saving your life? And how was I supposed to know you had an astromech droid with you?”

He huffed, seeing the logic in my question. “Can you please check if BB is okay?”

I raised an eyebrow, curious at how much emotion he was committing to this piece of equipment. All of the medical droids I’d come into contact with over the years were extremely flat personality wise. Intelligent and useful, but I’d never grown any type of attachment to them. Nothing like Poe seemed to have with this BB-8 droid.

“Fine,” I sighed. “I’ll go look for the BB unit. Just please stay in bed. And… prepare for the worst.”

Underpromise, overdeliver. One of the many phrases I’d recited during my medical training. I just really hoped the latter would be the case in this situation.

The latch of the clinic door closed softly behind me, the crisp morning atmosphere somewhat refreshing for a moment or two, until I shook myself into focus to assess the completely destroyed X-wing ship consuming my vision. With sunshine finally illuminating the environment, rolling green hills of the countryside extending beyond the horizon, I scanned the blackened metal skeleton of the ship, ashes smattered all over the ground, glass and electrical wires splayed everywhere.

Well, this doesn’t exactly ignite hope.

Walking around what was left of the X-wing, I examined the surrounding area for any trace of a droid - not just the shine of metal, but the possible tracks left by a robot who was looking for its master. I walked slowly into the field behind the crash site, my eyes surveying every bit of ground, hoping to see any metallic glint that might indicate an intact droid.

Since the clinic was the only building for a few kilometres, there was hardly another structure it could be hiding behind, or lodged in. I almost wanted to keep walking, washing my hands of all of this, so I didn’t have to go back and tell Poe his obviously beloved droid hadn’t survived like he did. But another ruined machine caught my attention.

My comm-tower was flattened into nothing - steel, wiring and black plastic flattened into an artificial pancake.

Kriff, more bad news for Poe.

With my only means of communication squished there was no way any of my tech could send a signal far enough to reach the Resistance, let alone the next village over. And now I would have to make the weeklong trek back to Raxulon to get another one.

This day is kicking my ass.

With a long sigh, I ventured towards the ruined X-wing, assuming if I hadn’t found BB-8 by now, it must have been pulverised by the explosion I narrowly avoided last night. I searched the hollow structure of the ship, hoping for any scrap of metal that could be related to the droid, but it was all so black, covered in soot and melted, everything beginning to mutate into some other portion of the machine. When I skimmed over what was left of one of the wings, there was still a rounded hole I assumed BB-8 would have been housed during flights. An empty hole. There was always a possibility the BB droid could have gone searching for help beyond my clinic, but again, there wasn't a trace of movement in the dirt track leading away to the nearest village.

I think it’s time to be the bearer of bad news.

I extricated myself from the mangled ship, looking back towards the front walls of my clinic, noticing now the remnants of the explosion that had left countless dark stains over the light blue paint, along with a few cracks and impact points where metal had hit the cement. The bushes I’d planted a few months ago in time for this planet’s version of spring had been scorched, most of the green overtaken by grey and black soot. On closer inspection, it became obvious one had been split in half, the edges of leaves opening up to a large gap.

I quickened my pace and kneeled in front of the jumbled shrub, my hands diving in to push burnt leaves out of way, finally discovering a large metal ball of orange and white leaning on the blue concrete wall. A little cracked and dirty, but seemingly intact.

Oh wait, where’s the head?

Scurrying around on my hands and knees, I felt around the bushes once more, moving along the line of the wall. The twigs were scraping against the skin of my arms, but I was too excited for the possibility of some good news that I ignored the sting they caused.

Unexpectedly my hand struck something hard, pushing the stiff lower branches out of my view to find a domed head dug into the ground. Picking it up, I brushed away some of the dirt, surveying for any obvious damage. Its antennae was crooked, a few deep scratches slicing the metal, but it all seemed fairly superficial. With the head in hand, I strode back to the body unit, beaming with the thought I could ease even a little bit of Poe’s worry.

My delight was swiftly dissolved when setting the pieces together. I’d assumed the magnet would hold and the droid would spring back to life. Instead, the head slipped straight off, sinking into the ground once more with a muffled thud.

Yeah, that seems about right.

*

“I have good news and bad news,” I declared sheepishly as I walked into view of Poe, lugging in a separated BB-8. His face burst into an illustration of relief, then confusion as his brain finally registered the image of his dear friend separated into two pieces, and lifeless.

As I placed the metal components onto the hospital bed at the side of Poe’s leg, he looked up at me. “This is the bad news right?” His hands tentatively checked over the BB unit, attempting what I had done not minutes ago, and watched the head piece slide back over the metal ball and dive into the mattress.

“Um… Actually… This was meant to be the good news,” I grimaced. “The bad news is that my comm-tower was completely flattened by your ship. None of my transmitter tech is going to be able to send out any messages until I can get another one built.”

Poe’s jaw clenched, and I only noticed now the dark stubble that glittered the lower half of his face.

“And when would that be exactly?” he queried sharply. I didn’t like the tone of his voice.

“At least another week if I left now. But I can’t leave you like this, you’re still in critical condition.”

It was obvious he was hiding his frustration, hands scrunched into balls. “They can’t wait that long.”

I scrambled at any answer that might settle him. “I mean, maybe some of the villagers could help, but there’s no guarantee-”

“Then get them to help!” he exploded, making me step back. At seeing the startled look on my face he softened, realising the severity of his demand. “I’m sorry, but this is just… so important. I know you’ve already done more than I could have ever asked of someone, but I still need more of your help. The fate of the galaxy depends on it.” His eyes glistened with hope, a silent plea, sending a cold wave of unease down my spine. He held a bandaged arm out, hand open, reaching toward me.

I didn’t want to be a part of this. It was exactly what I had run from for so long. Even now the immediate urge was to bolt out the front door, leaving behind this stranger who could unravel everything I’d built.

But there was something about the expression on his face, the desperation in his eyes, calling out to me. I was all he had right now. I was his only lifeline to put him back on whatever journey he had been travelling before fate made him, quite literally, crash into me.

“I mean, if the fate of the galaxy depends on it…” I mumbled, placing my hand tentatively in his. “Okay. I’ll help you get back home.”

~

Next Chapter

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[slowlydrowningme]

Under the Bright but Faded Lights

Title: Under the Bright but Faded Lights

Rating: T

Word Count: 1546

Warnings: Description of kidnapping and injury, minor mentions of blood and violence

Pairing: Damian x fem!reader

Prompt:  18 and 22 for Damian Wayne x fem reader (Pinterest prompt lost #1) please! 

“You are weak with love for her.”

Notes: Apparently I have issues writing fics that are mostly the requested pair.  I don’t know how this turned into what it did, but there it is.  Fun fact: I started this fic three different ways before I settled on this one.  Good times.

Tags: @this-is-what-makes-us-fandoms

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things are fuzzy when you come back to your senses slowly.  The pain in your head isn’t surprising and neither is the wet, sticky feeling on the side of your head.  The cold is seeping into your skin through the material of your jeans where you’re sitting on the damp concrete, hands pulled above your head secured with chains if the clinking noise is anything to go by.  Your shoulders are sore and your ribs ache with each breath, but other than that you seem to be relatively unharmed.  The pounding headache was by far the worst part.

And it was made worse when you finally decided to open your eyes.

“Y/N…thank god.”

“Di-Nightwing?”  You can barely make out he outline of the man sitting across from you, but the voice and color scheme are unmistakable. “What happened?”

“What do you remember?” Blinking your vision clear, you try to remember the events leading up to that shadow appearing in your bedroom.

“Dinner with a friend,” you say in leu of saying Damian’s name because you don’t know who has you and what they know.  “A movie and then a walk home.”  It had been Damian’s night off and he had decided to take you on one of the most cliché dates ever because Dick had recommended it and you had found it amusing. He would do anything to see that lovesick smile on your face and the whole family (and you) knew it.

“Where did he grab you?”

“He?”

“Deathstroke.”  Well, damn.  “Where were you?”

“At home.  I had been there about ten minutes.”  The lenses of Nightwing’s mask closed and you knew he had drawn the same conclusion.  Long enough that Damian would have been well on his way home.  “But…I never sent the text.”

The text that you sent every night before slipping into bed and drifting off for the night.  The text that would be replied to immediately if Robin wasn’t patrolling.  The text that you would see the reply to when you woke up the next morning if he was. The text that was sent because you had once told Damian how your mother said her biggest regret was not getting the chance to tell your father she loved him one last time before he died in the car accident when you were ten.

“He’ll notice then.”

“Yeah,” you breath out, blinking slowly as your head starts to fog up again.  “How long have we been here?”

“Me, a couple of hours. You, maybe an hour tops.”  Damian would have definitely figured something out by now.  Whether he had figured it was foul play was still up in the air.

“Hey, N?”  You struggled to keep the slur out of your voice, but the startled look on his face told you that you had failed.  “I’m going to pass out again now.”

“Hey, no!  Y/N?!  You need to stay awake!”  Nightwing called out, but he already sounded like you were listening from underwater, so you knew it was a pointless cause at this point.

The next time you came to, you are still chained up but there’s the distinct sound of fighting in the room with you.  A gun shot going off pulls you out more quickly than the previous time.

“You should have killed me when you had the chance, kid,” the deep voice of Deathstroke, aka Slade Wilson, draws your attention to where he and Robin are engaged in a fight.  A quick glance reveals Nightwing is almost out of his manacles, tossing worried looks between the fighting pair and you.

“Y/N!”  Nightwing relaxes slightly in the shoulders when he notices your eyes are open again.  But that is short lived when another gun shot goes off and something sharp hits your cheek.  You flinch and gasp when the pain in your arms is brought back to your attention.  

You’re aware you haven’t been shot, but you definitely took some kind of shrapnel to the cheek and it stings. But it just serves to remind you of all the other aches and pains that have only gotten worse since your last bout of consciousness.

“Ow,” you muttered, blinking back the bite of tears.

“Jesus,” Nightwing swears, doubling his efforts to get out of his restraints.  It’s a moment later that both of his arms are falling to his sides and he’s crawling over to where you’re slouched.  But your eyes are on Robin and Deathstroke.  You had seen Damian fight plenty of times and every time you’re able to marvel at the terrifying beauty of it.  But he has a katana and Deathstroke is wielding his guns.  

“No, help him.  Help Robin,” you gasp out when Nightwing reaches up to pick the lock securing your hands above your head.

“No.  He’d never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t get you out of here first.”

“Please help him.” But you know your request is in vain because Nightwing is shaking his head and reaching above you still.  Your chest is tight with fear as you keep your eyes on Robin as he focuses on Deathstroke.

“The others are here,” Nightwing says quietly as you feel the grip around your wrists release and he’s gently guiding your arms down.  He’s careful with you, but you aren’t trained to compartmentalize the way they are and the pained cry escapes your dry, cracked lips.  There’s a flurry of movement when the others crash into the room and you flinch at the commotion before leaning into Nightwing as he shifts to protect you from what’s happening on the other side of the warehouse.  

“Get her out of here,” comes a growl that is sadly all too familiar these days and just, how did knowing Batman’s voice become your norm?  “Nightwing, now!”  The order is clear and Nightwing tenses with it but doesn’t argue.  Instead, he loops an arm under your legs and around your back, lifting you easily as he stood.  

“Leslie is waiting at the Cave.  Take mine.” Red Hood shoots Nightwing a glance over his shoulder before taking a shot at Deathstroke.  

You want to argue. You want to fight them all to get to Robin and make sure he’s okay, but the fog is coming back and you’re not certain how much longer you’ll be able to hang on.  But you fight it because Hood’s ride is a motorcycle and you’ll need to hang on for the ride to the Cave.

Thankfully, Nightwing seems to know you’ve only got a little bit left in you and straps you onto his back before you’re flying a breakneck speed to the hidden entrance.  But you’re out again before you enter and when you come back to the world, you’re laying on a bed in the med bay of the Cave and Damian is sitting next to you.  You hand, that doesn’t have an IV attached to it, is held tightly between both of his, his lips pressed to your knuckles as he watches you blink awake.  There’s no hiding the fear in his eyes, or the relief at seeing you awake, so you give him your best shot at a smile.

“Hey,” your voice is rough and you can guess that you’ve probably been out for a fair amount of time given the texture of it.

“Thank gods you’re all right,” he whispers in response, leaning forward and kissing your forehead. You close your eyes and hum in response. “I was so worried.  When you never sent the text,” he explained, leaning back to sit down again.  He kept his grip tight on your hand, placing his lips back to your knuckles.

“Slade?”

The darkened expression tells you all you need to know.  Escaped.

“What did he want?”  There had been no exchange between the two of you other than the butt of his gun connecting to the side of your head, so you couldn’t be certain outside of your connection to Robin.

“To make a point.  He failed.”

“He was never going to kill me or Dick, was he?”  Damian let out a snort and shook his head.

“No, he’s too fond of Grayson.  It’s disturbing.  I think he only takes him to prove he still can,” and wasn’t that disturbing.  But you were still glad that Damian’s oldest brother had been there to keep you calm and watch out for you.

“Dami?  What point was he trying to make?”  The question is quiet, and you’re worried about the answer, but you also know you need to hear it.

“You’re weak with love for her,” Slade ground out as he blocked a blow from Damian, throwing one of his own that was easily blocked by the other man.  “Your grandfather would be disgusted with how weak you are.”

“You are wrong.  I’m strong because of my love for her.  For all of them.  That is where my grandfather was wrong.”

“It doesn’t matter. He was wrong.”  The smile he gives you is enough to put out the fire of fear in your belly and when he releases your hand to place his hands on either side of your face so he can press his lips to yours sooths the remaining doubts.

“I love you, My Prince.”

“And I you, Beloved.”

[salt-warrior]

Okay, so I’ve been thinking a lot about how people often don’t know much about phlebotomy and correct venipuncture procedure which is honestly really scary. Having a phlebotomist do the correct order of draw is vital to correct diagnosis. The manner in which they prep you for a draw can also affect this and it’s all just so important. So I’ve worked myself up enough that I’m making this post on all the basic things you should know about phlebotomy so you don’t get misdiagnosed and get sick and/or die or misdiagnosed and spend lots of unneeded time in the hospital wasting thousands of dollars. I’m a small tumblr, so this probably will be seen by like three people, but if you want to keep you and your friends (especially those that get a lot of bloodwork done) healthy maybe CHECK OUT AND REBLOG this post. **I won’t be graphic or anything, but phlebotomy is entirely about blood and needles so you’ve been warned.

First off, there is a very specific list of things that a phlebotomist needs to do from the time they enter the room to the time they leave it. The problem is that often times, phlebotomists often don’t get much training, or they are nurses who yet again, don’t get a lot of training. For example, I attended a 72 hour course spread over six weeks and learned everything from where all the veins are and which ones to stick, to learning how to read test results, to doing every kind of stick from straight needles to butterfly needles, dermal punctures, and IV’s. I am by no means a pro in any standpoint; but, if I’m being completely honest with you, lots of the supposed pros don’t actually know their stuff. So disclaimer aside, here are the important things that one should know about venipuncture (the puncturing of a vein) procedure. 

Okay, so when a phlebotomist or nurse or whoever is drawing your blood enters the room, they should be washing/sanitizing their hands. If they’re already wearing gloves, then you know those aren’t sanitary, so ask them to wash clean their hands. If they didn’t do it in front of you, you should assume they didn’t do it-- and even if they did, gloves are only be meant to touch the sanitary items and area used in venipuncture procedure. 

They’re going to identify you and whatnot, yada yada, put on their gloves (after they lathered that sanitizer on their hands right in from of your face) and then they will position you and supplies. Simple enough. They’ll put on their tourniquet, look at your beautiful blue veins, and select one that they are going to draw from. Easy easy. Now, some places will mark veins (like the American Red Cross-- in my experience at least-- and plasma centers) and while it’s not good practice, it’s not going to hurt you. In my experience sticking, I’ve never marked someone and have never encountered issues. I also feel the veins with my gloved hands (as every person drawing your blood should) and encountered zero issues. Not the biggest problem in the world, but for real, they should be wearing gloves. This will not affect the procedure, but it’s unprofessional. 

Now, when your phleb is selecting your vein, let’s make sure they don’t pick one with high potential to cause nerve damage. If they are looking at your arm near your inner elbow there are three main veins: Cephalic (top, near the ceiling), Median (middle), Basilic (bottom, near the basement). The best choice is the median, followed by your cephalic. Both great choices. Now, your basilic should only be used if no other veins in your arms or hands can be used. It is statistically the most likely to obtain nerve damage if stuck there and it is right by a major artery. I want you to feel the veins in your arm right now (with your index and middle finger) and find which vein is which. Sometimes it’s surprising where they are. But one tell of the basilic is that you can feel a pulse from it due to the artery right by it. Look for all three of your main veins and feel for that pulse. Don’t let anyone stick you there unless there are no other options. Seriously, nurses love that vein (we literally call it the nurse vein) so don’t let them just stick that needle without trying anywhere else first. Now I want you to take your three middle fingers and lay them across the inside of your wrist and remember that for the love of everything in the world no one should ever stick you there. Do you know how many freaking nerves you have there? Holy hell no one should stick you on the inside of your wrist. Not even those beautiful veins on the side of your wrists. The back of your wrist, sure, go for it. But that three fingered inside area is a massive no no. Back of hands? Sure. Back of wrist? Sure, I’ve even done a successful self-stick there. Inside of wrist? Never.

Next thing is to clean the site. Now, this is the single step that is performed incorrectly more than just about any other. First of all, gloves are a must. They have to be worn. Second, your arm has to be SCRUBBED, using excellent up and down friction for 30 seconds. A little swipe across your arm does NOTHING-- absolutely nothing. And after those 30 seconds are over, they should not touch the site. They should not waft air onto the site. They should not wipe the site. It HAS TO AIR DRY. ChloraPrep, or any other type of antiseptic used works differently than simply washing with soap and water. When you wash your hands, you are washing away whatever gunk is on there. Alcohol cleansers work differently by killing what is on your skin. It needs to be allowed to sit on your skin and kill all the gross germs there. And wiping it or blowing air on it just puts germs right back onto your sanitized area. Now, you may be wondering “why should I care if there are germs on my skin when the needle is clean and only taking from my vein?” Well, when that needle goes in it takes a teeny tiny bit of skin with it as it makes that hole in your flesh. Whatever germs are on that skin go right into your bloodstream. Those germs also go right into your draw tube. I really cannot stress how important this single step is. For real-- if they do not clean the site correctly, ask them to redo it. And if they don’t, ask for another phlebotomist. That is your right as the patient. Period. 

So let’s say that they’ve done everything right so far: they sanitized their hands, put on gloves, and are now placing their tourniquet on your for the second time to draw from the preselected vein after sanitizing the area as mentioned above. They stick that needle in (hopefully fast and in right into the vein). Let’s say they do get the vein, first try, without having to redirect. They then proceed to draw their test tubes. Now, there is a correct order of draw, and if it is not followed correctly, you can be misdiagnosed. Each tube contains different additives in it according to what it’s testing for. They are performed in a specific order because those additives can carry over to the next tube. If the draw is done in the correct order, this is not an issue. If it is done incorrectly, then there is a chance of being misdiagnosed. (NOTE: I’m not saying that every time you will be misdiagnosed, but you definitely can. Any competent phleb should know their order of draw. It’s not hard.) **However, some facilities do have slight variations in their order of draw and that is okay. You can simply ask about the order of draw and whether or not your phleb knows it. If not, you can ask for a phleb that does. 

Here’s the order of draw (as told in my Phlebotomy Essentials 7th edition textbook by Ruth E. McCall): Blood culture--drawn in glass bottles (additive: SPS), light blue tube top (additive: sodium citrate), red serum tubes (additive: clot activator), tiger/gold top tubes (additive: clot activator with gel), light green/marbled green top tubes (additive: Lithium heparin with or without gel or sodium heparin), green (additive: sodium heparin or lithium heparin), lavender/pink/pearl/tan (additive: EDTA), gray (additive: potassium oxalate/sodium fluoride), royal blue (additive: sodium heparin). Now, the ones with the same additives (red and tiger/gold or light green/marbled green) can be switched because carryover won’t affect them. So your basic order of draw are: blood culture, light blue, red/tiger/gold, greens, purple/pink, gray, royal blue. I honestly suck at coming up with memory techniques and like to just memorize stuff but here’s an acronym: BcLbRGPGR. If you see your phlebotomist performing an incorrect order of draw, ask them if they know the order of draw. If they don’t, kindly ask for a new phlebotomist that does know the order of draw. It is your right to have a competent phleb.

Now, let’s say that your phlebotomist misses. It happens to the best of us, so try to be patient. When redirecting, they should pull back, feel for the vein with their lovely gloved hands and then have a quick stick. Let’s say they can’t get it and try sticking another spot. Same issue, they miss. At this point, the phlebotomist should go and get another person to try. A phleb should not be sticking you more than two times. They should not leave your tourniquet on for over a minute either, so unless they get a redirect within that time, that draw should conclude. If a phlebotomist tries to stick you for a third time, kindly ask for another phleb to try. They should seek that change themselves, but if they don’t ask for someone else. A fresh pair of eyes and is never a bad thing. Another thing to note: if you feel shooting pains during a venipuncture procedure, tell your phleb and have them discontinue. If you start to bruise (get a hematoma), your phleb should discontinue the draw. The only pain you should feel is that little prick of the needle. If there’s any other discomfort, the draw should be discontinued. 

Wow, okay, so let’s say that everything has gone well up to this point. You’re on the last tube and the phleb pops your tourniquet. They pull off the last tube and then quickly withdraw the needle from your skin, immediately applying gauze. They ask you to apply pressure and they cap their needle and throw it away. Everything’s great and just dandy. They didn’t ask you to raise your arm in the air and bend it because their smart and know that literature has proven that that does nothing. They check your gauze and make sure you’re not bleeding. If you’re not, they apply a bandage over the gauze. If you are, they apply pressure until bleeding has stopped and then apply a bandage over the gauze. Wow, kudos to them, you’ve had a successful phleb. They ask their questions, do their phleb stuff that doesn’t exactly concern you and thank you for your time. Easy peasy. 

Again, I’m not a professional by any means. I took a 72 hour course along with a butt-ton of homework and studying. I read my Phlebotomy Essentials 7th Edition textbook by Ruth McCall and have passed both my course and state exams. But each time I go and get stuck somewhere or watch others get stuck I am haunted by that malpractice. So, if anyone has questions feel free to ask me, I love talking about phlebotomy:) And of course, medicine is always changing and improving, so maybe within a year there will be more steps to add to this that I might have missed. It’s always great to stay up to date on this kind of stuff.

[intricate-oeuvre]

On how to be deadly || Geralt of Rivia || part XI

Word count: 2.5k+

Summary: Axelia is Witcher experiment herself and has gone through same harsh Trials as Geralt, but she wasn’t so lucky with the outcome. Her vision didn’t become better. Therefore, she was rendered blind in the end. And because of that, she solely uses her Witcher senses to make her ways. Only potions can give her false sense of sight for limited time.Somewhere along the way she meets the Rivian. Who’s interested to know how she’s been killing monsters and hasn’t been killed herself yet.

Warnings: nakedness, bad grammar. angst, Geralt doesn't know what are feelings

A/N: I have certain schedule when I post updates. that is, the last part has to reach certain note count before I upload the next part. THANK YOU FOR READING!

part I || part II || part III || part IV || part V || part VI || part VII || part VIII || part IX || part X || part XI || part XII || part XIII | Epilogue

What? Axelia’s eyes grew big, small confusion settling in her. She looked around. Shit.

This was his room.

That’s why his shirt was there.

As she heard him drop his boots and unbutton his pants, she sat up straighter, her hands sliding to the edges of the tub.

Next second she was out of the bath, drenched like a rat in pouring rain and with swift hands grabbed the towel to press it against her chest. But Geralt was as fast- his hands encircled her waist and held her above the ground. Axelia let out a shriek and started kicking and hissing at him.

“Towel. Drop it.” He said to her.

“Geralt. Put. Me. Down.” Axelia hissed at him. He did put her down, but didn’t let go of her.

“Get back in the tub or I’m going to throw you back in with the damned towel.” He threatened her.

“You wouldn’t.” Axelia gasped. But then again, this was Geralt who they were talking about.

Next second Axelia was under water, alongside her towel. With splutter and angry grunt, she rose up, the towel all wet now and soaked as it rested on her head.

Axelia looked as some kind of a vile monster- her hair, spread across her back and shoulders like sea-weeds and the drenched towel on her head and face. She pulled off the towel and with stare that could kill, Axelia looked at Geralt, who was now in the tub opposite her.

“There you are, princess.” He teased her in mock sarcasm. Axelia opened her mouth as water poured out from it, making Geralt bark out a laugh at her. She hated that Geralt called her like that.

It had stuck with him when he had heard Eskel call her like that because she was the only girl around the school. They all were drunk at the time and picking drunken fights with each other and just primarily having great time. When fellow witcher had said that she should be treated as a princess, since she is the only female witcher, ever. She had smacked Eskel in head with a wooden spoon for that. And right after that Lambert also had called her a princess, which earned him- a smack of spoon on his forehead too, without a doubt. They all were too drunk to fight back. Of course, Geralt had to jump in on it as well. He had been sitting across her, and as Axelia had leaned across the table to smack him in the head with the spoon, he had leaned back, out of her reach. With grunt she-witcher had climbed swiftly across the table top, grabbing onto his shoulder and thus making both of them fall on the ground with laughter as she just had balanced the spoon on his forehead. But those were absent times now.

“You, complete arse.” She spat, and threw the wet towel at him. With smack it landed on his shoulder. Still chuckling, he pushed it to the floor.

Axelia stuck her tongue out at him. Geralt didn’t seem to notice that, now more content on getting himself clean as he scrubbed his arms with washcloth.

Axelia only huffed and dragged her hands upward her face, to get hair out of her mouth and eyes. Her hands staying on sides of her head, elbows raised.

“I’m getting out.” She said, more to herself than Geralt, as her hands flew to the edges.

“There’s no towel.” Geralt answered mater of factly.

“Yes, thank you for reminding me.” Axelia turned and hissed at him. With a grunt she rose from the tub and stepped out. She didn’t shy away from him. Nothing he hadn’t seen before and vice versa. With her bare back to the witcher, she stopped at the table and carefully picked up the rings. One at the time, and slid them on her pale fingers. Her skin felt soft and ample from the bath. Meanwhile, Geralt looked at her, shamelessly letting his eyes travel along her back, watching how water droplets were running down her figure.

Gathering all of her rings, she made her way towards the curtains and disappeared behind them, leaving witcher to bathe alone.

For some time, he enjoyed the bath, basking in silence when someone out of nowhere, emptied a bucket of water on his head.

“I said you need a bath!” Axelia laughed behind him, bucket still in her hands. With hands on both sides of the tub, Geralt turned to look behind him, at her, water running from his hair, down his face.

She was dressed in his black shirt which barely covered her bottom, leaving enough for one’s imagination; one sleeve rolled up as the other was left loosely dangling around her wrist. But other than that, the shirt itself was neatly buttoned up.

“Come here.” Geralt tried to reach for her, but she took a quick step back, dropping her hands at her sides.

“Bathe. Then we’ll talk.” Axelia said seriously, leaning down to put bucket on the floor.

“Hmm. Don’t trust your talk. You usually run away.” Geralt grunted, his eyes catching her movement a she pulled the stool and sat down on it. Hands length away from him.

“Where am I going to run- naked?” Axelia hummed in return as she put her elbows on her knees and placed her chin in her hands.

“In my shirt.” Geralt corrected, leaning back against the tub, his eyes scanning her form. Axelia hummed, and just stared at the edge of the tub.

“Thank you for having my back, I guess.” She mumbled.

“Hmm… You are an absolute idiot.” Geralt tilted his head back, looking at her down his nose as his hand was circling in the water, sending small ripples across the surface.

“I know. I though there’s going to be only couple of ghouls.” Axelia sighed.

“In old war crypt? Only ghouls? I thought that papa Vesemir taught you better.” Geralt raised his eyebrows as he ducked his head towards her, almost seemingly similar to a inquisitive way.

“Fuck off.” Axelia wasn’t having any of his jests. “I have made enough of a fool out of myself these past days.”

“Have you now?” He said, running wet hands through his hair.

“Don’t laugh at me. You, of all the people.” Axelia grunted and turned her whole body away from him.

“Axelia.” Geralt hummed defeated, his hand reaching for her knees to turn her back, facing him.

“I know I fucked up. Don’t lecture me.” Axelia looked at him.

“I’m not.” Geralt assured her, studying her features, and the fact that she was playing with her rings.

“Show me.” He extended his hand, waiting for her to take it, in a way distracting her thoughts. She putted her hands in his.

She had started wearing rings, when Geralt had brought one for her when they were younger and he had gone for his witcher travels and she had stayed back. The first ring he got her was a dainty one, because he hadn’t been sure, if she would like it. Simple silver band with three dark crystals on top, that was sitting on her left hand’s fourth finger. Another one of his gifts had been a much more colossal one- silver wolf head. Situated on her right hand’s pointer finger. He run his thumb across it, but didn’t dwell long on it. Third one, that he had gotten for her was another smaller one, this time with white rock that had translucent turquoise tone to it. It had reminded him of the mix of her old eye colour and the one she had now. This one was gracing her right hand’s ring finger. With two other rings he was not familiar with. He looked at the two small silver bands, simple, nothing on them, just adorning her left hands middle and pointer finger.

“All silver.” Geralt stated.

“Yes. Because you said you won’t let me have those silver wolf brass knuckles. These come as handy. Especially strangling wise.” Her statement made him look up at her with this weird expression, like he was repelled or something.

“Oh, don’t you look at me like that.” Axelia pulled both of her hands away, but Geralt was quick enough to grab one before she pulled away entirely.

“Experimenting, are we?” Geralt laced his fingers with hers.

“You know that I never slept with anyone else.” Axelia’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Jaskier?” he raised questioning eyebrow at her.

“Gods, no. Never went as far as kiss him. He gets… distracted, if you will…” Axelia’s own brows creased as she was trying to search for words.

“He loves everything that has two legs.” Geralt offered.

“But he’s a good friend.”

“Hmm.”

“You and Yennefer. She’s as mother to Ciri.” Axelia voiced her observations.

Another hmm.

“Thank you…” Axelia trailed off, when silence stretched across the room.

“Thank you for saving me, for not letting me die out there and thanks to Yennefer too, I would have probably bled out without her stiches. Thank you for all the best memories—” Axelia started quietly.

“Why are you-” Geralt couldn’t understand why was she saying this to him. Whenever they met, she never voiced such things.

“I’m leaving in the morning. This time I’m telling you.” She looked him in the eyes. The scorching amber. A tone that one could never catch in a pendant.

“No.” Geralt’s eyes grew big as he gently shook his head, his hold on Axelia’s wrist getting stronger, but not causing any pain.

“We should draw the line.” Axelia shook her head in return tilting it sideways.

“You think that drawing a line will stop us from running into each other?” Geralt said, his brows creasing and his tone gaining an edge of irritation.

With shake of her head, Axelia pulled her hand out of his grasp.

“Don’t you think it’s exhausting?” Axelia sighed, hugging herself. Her wet hair falling around her shoulders in clumps. Geralt didn’t answer, he never really was on for explaining emotions, his own or others.

“I told you it hurts. To an extent that it almost physically hurts.” Axelia whispered, her voice dropping, almost fading into nothing.

“Axelia…” Geralt whispered her name in return.

“Aren’t we cursed enough?” Axelia suddenly turned to look at Geralt. Her eyes brimming with tears and her mouth unexpectedly going dry. The look on her face making the male witcher intake a sharp breath.

Running her hand under her nose, Axelia got up and disappeared behind the thick drapes. As she was nicking around the room and choosing which pants should she take, she couldn’t will the tears away. With huff pulling on new pants and tying her boots, Axelia sat on the edge of bed. Her legs looking long for her small stature and her shoulders almost gaining a lanky look because of Geralt’s big shirt. Woman’s hands falling in her lap as she looked around the room, her lips pulling in a frown as tears anew streamed down her cheeks.  Her marble-like eyes stopping at the drapes and blinking rapidly, she silently chocked out a sob, her mouth falling open. With sniffle, she dug the heels of her palms in her eyes, her nails digging in her head as she groaned in fury. She couldn’t ignore her emotions for long, she will explode. Yet it was the only thing she knew how to do. Running her finger under her nose she got up. Seeing her corset draped over the chair she swiftly put it on. Axelia glanced out of the window at the light that was slowly disappearing, and grabbing her stuff she was ready to leave the room. In no way, will she be staying in that room. Not alone, not with him.

“Already running?” Came Geralt’s voice as Axelia tried to reach for the door handle. She froze, sigh escaping her as one tear run down her cheek to land on her forearm that was not obstructed by his shirt.

“Maybe.” Axelia said, her voice gaining unusual tone because of her stuffed nose.

“I stand by what I said.” Axelia was referring to what she had said back at the edge of the forest.

“Please. Don’t follow me.” Axelia closed her eyes, her hand gripping the handle tighter.

“You think I can control that?” Geralt said behind her, pulling on his shirt.

“But you must. For my sake.” Axelia whispered, not sure if Geralt even heard her.

“Just… promise me that you won’t come seek me out. Never again… even if your gut is telling you otherwise.” Axelia looked over her shoulder at him, half hiding her tears.

“Gut? You really think it’s my gut telling me to look for you? No instinct, no witcher senses are telling me that.” Geralt spat at her, growing tired of her running.

“Then what is?!” Axelia swiftly turned around to look at him. Geralt grabbed stepped closer to her, kind of expecting for her to step back but she didn’t even flinch. Her eyes only following his movement. Then he grabbed her right hand and pressed to his chest, right where his heart was.

“This is.”

Axelia’s eyes stayed trained on his chest, on their hands. His hands always seemed warmer than hers.

“Yennefer… it’s all magic… djinn.” Geralt explained, his eyes searching her face.

Axelia’s furrowed, she wasn’t sure that she was understanding him. Did she hear him right?

“W-what?” she mumbled, her eyes closing for a second.

“The last wish,” Geralt choose to stay vague. “…to save her.”

For a second, Axelia’s nails lightly grazed his shirt. And then her eyebrows slowly rose up.

“It’s not real…” Axelia mumbled, and gently pushed herself away from him. Geralt tilted his head, not understanding her actions.

“But you love her…” Axelia looked up at him.

“But she’s not my soulmate.” Geralt narrowed his eyes at her.

Did he really think that after all this time of being completely alone, she will just run back in his arms?

“Took you a really long time to realize that, Geralt.” Axelia smiled bitterly at him. Now, when she thought that she will be finally ready to cut things off and fight this feeling of love, he comes prancing back, confusing her.

“Why now?” she looked warily down at her own hands.

“I could let you go only so many times. And every time I did… I regretted it. Didn’t matter if Yennefer was there or not nor Jaskier’s constant babbles of me being and stupid arse.” Geralt’s eyes were jumping from one item to another all around the room.

“It’s funny how fate has made us like this… You could break my heart thousands of times, Geralt. And I still would pick of every single peace and put them back into your hands. But I am not sure, if those pieces haven’t turned into sharp daggers.” Axelia hummed, her fingers toying with her rings.

“I rather be spitting blood and bleed out myself, than rather watch you leave one more time.” Geralt looked down at her.

Axelia looked at him. Unsure of what to do. Not knowing any better, she took one swift step and crushed into his chest. Missing his warmth dearly. With a small grunt from Axelia’s sudden movement, Geralt wrapped his hands around her, planting a small chaste kiss on her forehead.

~~~~~

part I || part II || part III || part IV || part V || part VI || part VII || part VIII || part IX || part X || part XI || part XII || part XIII | Epilogue

tags:

@boiled-onionrings​ @fandomwithnolifesblog​ @901seconds​ @kingniazx​ @shesakillerkween @your-dreams-are-strong​ @stitchattacks​ @ayamenimthiriel​ @stormfire6​ @mr-illegal-king​ @stretchkingblog97​ @mikariell95​ @geralt-of-motherfucking-rivia​ @martian-m​ @republicansithlord​ @notso-fetch​ @lizliz3107 @godlydolans​ @arsaky-lou​ @eternallyvenus​ @le-reina-asesina @alwayshave-faith​ @writingmi​ @staringmoony​ @kenai731 @holychic​ @dramaticturnaway​ @ihopeyousteponarosepetal​ @seouldesire​ @runs-with-sciss0rs @yes-captainstark​ @fandomhell97​ @newtdisneywho​ @ekaymnslvs​ @deansbbyblog @hopplessdreamer​ @dejewskoo​ @sleepy-bunnie​ @strangerliaa​ @puffedchoco @mommableaubear  @secretsthathauntus​ @sailor-moons-butt​ @sageandberries-png​ @star017​ @rahdaleigh

a/n: pardon, if Tumblr doesn't let me tag you

[eponymous-rose]

I’ve also further progressed in my Vorkosigan re-read! Memory was as wonderful as I remembered (Illyan and Miles going fishing via improvised hand grenade out of boredom is always a highlight). 

I love the way Bujold structures her books---I talked about that a bunch with Mirror Dance---but Memory is just brilliantly laid out. Miles is spiraling, Miles fucks up, Miles gets fired (the closest pop-culture parallel I can think of is a superhero having to permanently revert to their mundane secret identity), Miles’s friends manage to yank him out of the mire, and then... surprise bizarre out-of-sequence murder mystery! The victim’s not dead! Miles keeps finding clues out of sequence and realizing he was meant to be framed! And god, you’re so sure it’s Haroche right at the start and then you have that moment of “oh well shit of course he thinks Miles might have it in for the boss that just eviscerated his identity” and so you’re still surprised when that first instinct was right! And then he offers Miles his life as Naismith back. Even Cordelia placed a bet on Miles giving up his life as Vorkosigan. And... he doesn’t. Mirror Dance was about Mark fracturing himself to survive. Memory is about Miles dragging himself back together to live.

I love how Illyan takes the loss of his memory chip---it’s fundamentally a piece of him gone, but it’s also freedom from thirty years of being a tool of his emperor (and then of Aral), and his embracing this destruction of his identity and learning to move forward is such a great foil/foreshadowing for Miles’s revelation. Everything in this story is about moving forward, not without regrets, but moving forward. It’s so fitting that the romance story going on in the background is Alys and Illyan, two 60-somethings, falling in love (and god, I love the scene where Miles wanders in on them in the morning and thinks something like “huh that dress is more of an evening style isn’t it?” and then like ten hours later the penny drops).

And god, Miles and Elli. I love how this was done, how it’s made apparent that you can love someone, and they can love you, and you can be very good for each other in a lot of ways, but your circumstances can still be such that marriage will annihilate one or both of you. It’s nobody’s fault, but the inevitability and recognition of it means it’s not always a devastation: “He could feel the letting-go in them, with the easing of the tension and the terror, with the slowing of every pulse of their blood. Not pain, or not so much pain, but only a just sadness, a due measure of melancholy, quiet and right.” Even when they’re quite bizarre relationships, the relationships in these books are very mature and well-thought-out from a narrative point of view, and this is a wonderful example.

Just a really, really lovely book:

No wonder he was laughing. He wasn’t mourning a death. He was celebrating an escape.

“I’m not dead. I’m here.” He touched his scarred chest in wonder.

[...]

Harra Csurik had been almost right. It wasn’t your life again you found, going on. It was your life anew.

Aaaand on to Komarr! God! I love this book! The most Miles possible meet-cute for his future wife: board at the home of her family on an investigation, have combat flashbacks on a shopping trip with her, and wind up watching her husband die horrifically while chained to a rail on a planet with a toxic atmosphere, knowing if he reacts too strongly he’s likely to have a seizure that’ll dislodge his own breathing mask, killing him in the same terrible way. You know. Rom-com stuff.

Speaking of relationships portrayed well, Ekaterin and Tien’s disaster of a marriage is extremely chilling in its realism. Even as you absolutely detest Tien, you can see how Ekaterin got yanked into that orbit, and it’s all all all so tied in with the very same aspects of Barrayaran culture that we’ve seen Miles face: Tien destroys everything because of his perception of what the response would be to his illness (where Miles, for better or worse, never had the option of hiding it), and because of his shitty insecurities about Ekaterin’s fidelity (echoes of a young Aral come to mind). We’re given explanations (his brother’s literally impossible-to-live-up-to example) but are never expected to see them as excuses, which is a very fine line to walk. The end result is a believably fucked-up relationship that draws on parallels with every single time you’ve ever thought to yourself about a friend, “Oh god sweetie you can do so much better than him”.

And Ekaterin’s thoughts about being bound to this marriage are right along the lines of the most stick-in-the-mud traditional Barrayaran loyalties we’ve seen Miles exhibit, all tangled up in language about honor. And even though it very shortly (and mortally) becomes a moot point, I love that she gets the chance to decide to leave Tien in spite of that. 

I also love the scene between Tien and Miles, talking about Nikki’s jumpship obsession, partly because of the obvious contrast between the two of them, but mostly because it illustrates how much of Tien’s awfulness is because he’s just... fundamentally a bitter coward with no imagination.

"Well, every boy goes through that phase, I suppose. We all outgrow it. Pick up all that mess, Nikki.”

Nikki’s eyes were downcast, but narrowed in brief resentment at this, Miles could see from his angle of view. The boy bent to scoop up the last of his miniature fleet.

“Some people grow into their dreams, instead of out of them,” Miles murmured.

“That depends on whether your dreams are reasonable,” said Vorsoisson, his lips twitching in rather bleak amusement. Ah, yes. Vorsoisson must be fully aware of the secret medical bar between Nikki and his ambition.

“No, it doesn’t.” Miles smiled slightly. “It depends on how hard you grow.”

The alternating POVs between Miles and Ekaterin are charming because we get to see Miles from an external (non-hostile) point of view and get all excited about each small revelation, and then we get to see Ekaterin both from Miles’s point of view and from the point of view of her own very active inner monologue, giving us insights we would otherwise have missed since she, as Miles says in the understatement of the century, has a tendency to underreact.

Their relationship is built up very carefully: there’s an obvious mutual interest practically from the first, but they both have reason to be cautious. There are those moments of genuine rapport early on, and then the shopping trip! It’s such a clever revelation, and so layered!

Miles was traumatized at Dagoola IV by watching Beatrice fall from the shuttle in front of him: he reached out to try to catch her, and just missed, and she died. And then we have this perfectly safe little parallel, with himself and Ekaterin falling off a water feature in a shopping district, and he manages to catch her, this time... and they both go over. It’s cute and oddly triumphant...

...and then he realizes exactly what it means. If he’d caught Beatrice, he’d have gone over with her. They’d both be dead, and that revelation hits right after he’s had a whole book to figure out just how badly he wants to live. And to Ekaterin, it’s a very quick summary of what and who Miles is: he’s the man who would not let go. BUT Ekaterin ALSO frames her leaving Tien in that context: she’s not just watching him fall, but purposefully releasing her hands. It’s so twisted and so complicated and such a weird little microcosm of their respective states of mind. And while part of it is Ekaterin giving Miles the little push he needed to properly process that trauma, fundamentally and on a larger timescale it places Miles as the “I’ve been in this hole before and I know the way out” path to Ekaterin’s healing. It’s so well done.

There’s also a hell of a parallel in the physical aspect of Miles’s seizures coming on unexpectedly in moments of great stress versus the psychological aspect of Ekaterin’s whole coping mechanism being built on trying desperately not to flinch or show strong emotion.

(And I don’t know where else to put this but special shout-out to the running gag of Vorkosigan House getting gradually overrun with cats, to the point where Miles starts, apropos of nothing and on a totally different planet, asking strangers if they’d like a kitten.)

These kids! Will they make it work? I may be only halfway through the book, but I have a funny feeling things might work out...

Also, here’s the “rescue” scene in full, because it delights me so:

The root-compacted soil of the edge sagged under her weight, and she began to slide precipitously forward. She yelped; pushing backward fragmented her support totally. One wildly back-grappling arm was caught suddenly in a viselike grip, but the rest of her body turned as the soil gave way beneath her, and she found herself dangling absurdly feet-down over the pond. Her other arm, swinging around, was caught, too, and she looked up into Vorkosigan’s face above her. He was lying prone on the slope, one hand locked around each of her wrists. His teeth were clenched and grinning, his gray eyes alight.

“Let go, you idiot!” she cried.

The look on his face was weirdly, wildly exultant. “Never,” he gasped, “again--”

His half-boots were locked around... nothing, she realized, as he began to slide inexorably over the edge after her. But his death-grip never slackened. The exalted look on his face melted to sudden horrified realization. The laws of physics took precedence over heroic intent for the next couple of seconds; dirt, pebbles, vegetation, and two Barrayaran bodies all hit the chilly water more or less simultaneously.

The water, it turned out, was a bit over a meter deep. The bottom was soft with muck. She wallowed upright onto her feet, one shoe gone who knew where, sputtering and dragging her hair from her eyes and looking around frantically for Vorkosigan. Lord Vorkosigan. The water came to her waist, it ought not to be over his head---no half-booted feet were sticking up like waving stumps anywhere---could he swim?

He popped up beside her, and blew muddy water out of his mouth, and dashed it from his eyes to clear his vision. His beautiful suit was sodden, and a water-plant dangled over one ear. He clawed it away, and located her, his hand going toward her and then stopping.

“Oh,” said Ekaterin faintly. “Drat.”

There was a meditative pause before Lord Vorkosigan spoke. “Madame Vorsoisson,” he said mildly at last, “has it ever occurred to you that you may be just a touch oversocialized?”

[fanficsrusz]

Sweaty And Ready

A/n - I wrote this for the amazingly talented @fickensteinn who not only drew me a picture for one of my fics which I absolutely adore, but she also created a new cover picture for my tumblr page and I love it so much, so thank you and I hope you enjoy this. Also, I'm really sorry if there are any mistakes because ive been caught up with some personal stuff.

Y/n's feet kiss the rubber of the treadmill that she ran on, each step causing shock waves to shoot through her body. Her hair stuck to her face like a second skin and her loose shirt clung to her sweat drenched back as droplets of sweat began to fall from her forehead and into her eyes, causing them to sting slightly but she didn't care. 

 A month ago she would have laughed at the idea of running so far and fast without going nowhere, but as she watched Keanu on the other side of the gym curling the dumbbells he held in his hand, with each lift causing his muscles to contract and his biceps to bulge - she could run for forever. 

Keanu was going to be working on a film that required him to bulk up a little and bulk up he did. It wasn't enough for him to look weird or out of place but it was definitely enough for people to notice how good he looked. 

In the past month he had gained so many muscles that y/n didn't know what to do with herself, often finding herself just staring at him as he did his daily routine and there was no way she was going to miss watching him work out. 

Sweat turned keanu's shirt into a dark grey and the drenched material clung to his stomach, the small outline of abs causing y/n to gawk at him shamelessly. 

Y/n was sure that the majority of water on her own shirt was mostly from her drooling rather than sweat.

 The sight of Keanu glistening in sweat and how good his hands looked wrapped tightly around the dumbbell made Y/n gulp nervously as she felt herself become wet at the thought of knowing just what his hands could do to her. 

That's when she missed her step, her left foot getting caught on her right foot and she fell to the ground with a thud. 

"Ow motherfucker" y/n quietly cursed to herself more out of embarrassment than pain and within seconds, keanu was by her side, looking her over before helping her up. 

"You okay?" he chuckled and y/n looked up at him shyly, her already rosy cheeks burning a deeper shade of scarlet. 

Y/n nodded and brushed herself down. "yep. I just - uh tripped. Yeah, I tripped". 

Keanu wasn't dumb and he most certainly could see the way she stared at him and if he couldn't see it, he could feel the way her eyes burned in the back of his head. 

He stood straight, crossing his arms with a smug grin on his face. 

"You sure you weren't staring at your handsome boyfriend and you were so starstruck about how hot he was, you tripped" 

Y/n stared up at him in shock. Maybe she wasn't as discreet as she wanted to be. 

Shaking her head she looked to the ground. "no. I have no idea what you're talking about. And don't talk in the third person, it's weird" 

Keanu held his hands up in defense at her attack but he could read her like a book. 

"Fine ok, you 'tripped' " without saying another word, keanu walked over the other side of the room, ready to continue his work out. 

Y/n legs were heavy from all the running and the feeling of nausea in her stomach let her know that she had done enough cardio for one day. 

On shaky legs, she staggered over to the mirror that hung on the wall, ready to look at her sweaty form and never before had she been so grateful of having her own private gym at home.

 Her hair was in a low ponytail and random strands stuck out in all directions, making her look as if she was caught in the middle of a storm. She grimaced at the sight in front of her before grabbing her towel and wiping her forehead. 

In the reflection of the mirror, y/n watched as keanu abandoned the dumbbells to remove his sweaty shirt and moved to do some pull ups. 

With each pull up he did, keanu's back muscles clenched and became prominent causing y/n's mouth fell open in admiration. 

Y/n stayed by the mirror, watching him shine like a freshly waxed car under the lights in the gym. Keanu begins to grunt with each pull up causing his arms to burn but it was worth it to rile y/n up. 

After several minutes of watching the God in front of her and being pretty sure she had soaked through her panties, y/n decided that two could play at that game. 

Y/n moved forward slowly, swinging herself around the pole that held up the pole keanu hung from and stopped once she was in his line of sight. 

Keanu stopped his pull ups and dropped to the ground. 

"What?" he asked, a small smirk on his face and y/n only shrugged, running her finger down his arm just like she would to a wet car window that was slick with condensation.

"Nothing. Nothing at all" y/n dropped her arm to her side and turned away from him, taking two large steps in front of him before stopping. 

She looked over her shoulder to ensure that his eyes were on her and they definitely were. 

Smiling sweetly, y/n began to bend over, touching her toes as she stretched her body. 

Keanu gulped as he looked at y/ns arse in the tight little shorts she wore. It was perfectly round and firm and just looking at it made his cock twitch in his sweatpants. 

Y/n heard him shuffling towards her and she definitely felt when he pushed his hardened cock against her ass. 

She let out a soft moan when she felt keanu's hand run over her ass and then up her back, only stopping once he had a hold on her hair and roughly pulled her up so she stood straight. 

Y/n let out a gasp as keanu pulled her head to the side and bit down on her neck. 

"you think you're funny do you? Teasing me like that?" y/n didn't say anything and keanu roughly turned her around to face him. 

He looked into her eyes, daring her to speak back to him. 

"No" 

"what was that?" he wrapped his hand around her throat causing y/n to gasp slightly. 

"I - I said no, I wasn't teasing". 

Keanu nodded slowly,  lust evident by the size of his pupils as well as the obvious bulge in his pants. 

Keanu gripped onto onto her wrists and guided her over to the bench that sat in the middle of the room and pushed her over it so she was bent over. 

He rubbed his hand over her ass, quickly slipping his hand under her shorts to and ran his fingers over her slit. 

"Oh, you're already so wet for me. Was that from watching me work out?" y/n whimpered at the sensation but didn't answer. 

Keanu removed his hand, bringing it back to her ass before he lifted it high and delivered one harsh spank across her ass. 

Y/n yelled out as her body jolted forward. 

" I can't hear you" y/n inhaled sharply as she tried to calm herself. 

"Yes. I was watching you and it made your little slut wet" her voice was shaky and laced with need. 

Keanu growled as he ripped the material of her shorts from her body and dropped them to the floor. 

Y/n would have normally felt annoyed that he had just ruined her favourite pair of shorts but in that moment, she didn't care, she just needed to feel Keanu inside her. 

"See, was it that hard to tell me the truth?" keanu dropped to his knees and admired her ass quickly before gently sinking his teeth into her soft skin. It was hard enough to make y/n yelp in surprise and leave a red mark, but not hard enough to draw blood.

"P-Please Keanu. Touch me where i need you". 

Keanu ran his hand up the inside of her thigh, so close to where she wanted him to touch yet so far away. 

"touch you where angel?" y/n threw her head down in defeat before slowly turning to look at him. 

"Touch me there, please". Keanu chuckled as he reached down between her fold, gently rubbing circles around her clit. 

Y/n moaned loudly as keanu continued to rub slow, tormenting circles around the sensitive bud.

He pushed to fingers inside her tight little pussy, y/n's mouth falling open and she shuddered as he grazed against her g-spot. 

"You were so sure of what you wanted earlier but now you can't tell me what you want so we will try this one more time and if you don't give me the answer i want, i'll tie you down and make you watch me get myself off" y/n whined when he pulled his hand out of her, leaving her gaping and wanting more. 

"Nononono ok. Please touch my pussy. Please. I want you to fuck me with your cock, your tongue, your hands. Please Keanu, I need you" keanu couldn't help but smile as he heard the desperation in her voice. 

"That's a good girl". 

He quickly dropped to the floor and within seconds his tongue was running up her slit and dipping into her dripping cunt. 

Keanu reached round and started to toy with her clit, the sensation making her legs wobble. 

"Ah - it feels so good" y/n bit down on her lip as he continued to lick. 

Y/n's moans filled the air as keanu pushed her legs further apart, giving himself more space between her legs. 

His tongue danced around her clit and each flick he gave made y/n moan louder than before. 

"oh fuck. I'm gonna cum, please don't stop" y/ns eyes were clenched shut as she rested against the bench, yet her legs shook violently. 

Keanus hand moved to grasp onto her thighs, keeping her upright so she wouldn't fall. 

Keanu didn't stop his attack on her clit, instead the moans that filled the room only encouraged him to go harder. 

Y/n gripped onto the bench as she felt her lower stomach clench as her climax washed over her, her sweet release dripping from her and keanu was quick to lick it up. 

"Oh fuck fuck fuck" she was unable to say any other words as her body shook violently. 

Keanu pulled away, wiping away the juices that covered his lips. 

Y/n practically fell to the ground after keanu let go of his grip on her thighs, her legs unable to support her weight. 

Her eyes were still closed as she came down from her high and keanu chuckled, moving around the bench to stand in front of her. 

He squatted down in front of her to look at her flushed face. 

"you look so fucking hot right now but you'll look even hotter choking on my cock. On your knees" 

Y/n was slow to stand but she was soon in front of him on her knees, looking up at him through hooded eyes. 

Keanu pushed her hair of her sweaty face and gripped her cheeks tightly in his hands. 

"God how did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" he looked over her face as he reached into his pants and pulled his rock hard cock from his mouth. 

Y/n's eyes lit up as she saw it, a low moan escaping her throat as she pleaded with her eyes. She reached up and grabbed onto it, stroking him slowly as keanu growled at the feeling of her small hands barely wrapping around his cock. 

"look at how hard i am just for you, just from watching you. Where Do you want my cock?" 

"in my mouth, please" y/n smiled brightly and opened her mouth wide, ready to take him. 

"You're so beautiful when you beg" keanu quickly pushed his cock into her mouth and y/n was quick to wrap her lips around the tip before pushing herself forward so she took him all in, making sure to get him nice and wet with her saliva. 

She was tantalisingly slow to move at first, focusing on flicking her tongue against his slit before pushing the cock fully into her mouth. 

Keanu moaned loudly as she swirled her tongue around his cock as she moved. 

"Oh god, y/n your mouth is amazing" he gripped onto the back of her head, encouraging her to move faster. 

Y/n let out a straggled moan as his cock hit the back of her throat and the vibrations only made keanu moan louder. Y/n relaxed her throat to allow him to thrust his cock deeper down her throat and soon he fell into a rhythm of thrusting in time to her movements. 

Y/n pulled his cock from his mouth, watching as pre-cum dripped from the end. 

"I love having you in my mouth, you're so big, it's amazing" 

Y/n reached up to grab his balls, massaging them gently and that was enough for keanu. 

He pulled her up and pushed her roughly against one of the exercise machines before lifting her leg to wrap around his hip.

In one quick movement, keanu thrusted his cock into her pussy, stretching her wide and they both let out lewd moans at the feeling.

"Oh fuck. You're so tight, it feels amazing". Y/n only nodded, her mouth hanging open in ecstasy at the burning sensation from his cock stretching. 

"yes, keanu fuck me harder" he didn't need to be told twice and so he started to thrust into her, each one hitting the sensitive spot within her and once again she felt the familiar burn in her lower stomach. 

Keanu reached down to rub her clit and it was enough to send her over the edge again. 

Her walls tightened around keanus cock tightly and keanu soon followed with his own climax, shooting his load deep into her. 

Both of them moaned as keanu thrusts turned sloppy, riding out their high. 

Keanu rested his head against y/n's shoulder as he tried to steady his breathing and y/n giggled at his exhausted state. 

Once his breathing was at a more steady pace, Keanu pulled out and looked down at y/n. 

"You're seriously so beautiful I don't know what to do with myself" y/n chuckled at him as she reached up to kiss him on the lips. 

"well, you did your workout for today and burned extra calories through other activities and I don't want my old man to have a heart attack so how about we just go take a shower and lay on the sofa?" 

Keanu raised an eyebrow as he looked down at her. 

"That sounds perfect but I'm not old. I could go for another round" y/n nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

"is that so?" she pushed her hand up his stomach and drew circles on his chest "i think we should test that theory" Keanu growled and bent down to pick y/n up, a small squeal escaping her lips as he threw her over his shoulder and began to make his way out of the gym and towards the bedroom. 

"Keanu put me down" she laughed and tried to kick her way out of his hold. Keanu chuckled and delivered one swift smack to her bare ass.

"Stop squirming y/n. The benefit of working out is that I'm now stronger than you so it's pointless to struggle because I'm going to show you exactly what this old man will do to you"

_____

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[fandomoniumflurry]

Don’t Worry, Omega

for @spnabobingo Square Filled: Feral Alpha

warnings: 18+ explicit ABO, AU, mentions of torture, quick rough sex, angst with little fluff at the end

Mystery Pairing (No Spoilers!)

1.5k words

Taggers: @keepcalmimthecupcake @becs-bunker @hunterswearingplaid​ @janai-mcgarrett

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-----

The scent was diving her mad, torturing her just as much as the beatings inflicted on the man down the hall. Concrete and iron separated them along with a wide hallway with betas, alphas and omegas between them. And yet it was his scent that was soaked into her clothes and fogging up her cell, piercing through her skin.

In the years she had been here, locked away or allowed to roam, no one had affected her like this. She had been here since she presented, a young girl when she was stolen away, pure and soft. Years of brainwashing and conditioning, tested and studied by curious minds and prodding hands. 

This place was all she knew, all she understood. The blonde was only seventeen when she finally presented as an Omega and from that moment, she was given to Alpha after Alpha, made to be with Betas and Omegas as well, all for what her captors called science. After a while, She had agreed to aid them which meant she would no longer be studied but instead assist them in the study of others. This usually just meant that she would feed the other captives or help clean and dress other test subjects. 

But ever since the older Alpha showed up, she hadn’t been able to leave her room. The pain was too great, the fever too hot, the heat too intense. She had plenty of heats and she was always given suppressants that always made it better. She had her choice of young Alphas to knot her as well. This time though was far different. She burned through the drugs and every Alpha’s scent made her retch.

Her captors couldn’t understand why her heat was so strong and so she became a test subject once again. They never asked her even though she knew exactly what was different about this time. It was Him. The Alpha down the hall. He wasn’t feral when he had arrived but it was obvious that he had been in rut recently. They had been the reason he had gone feral, starving him, worsening his ruts, not allowing him to quench his thirst or satisfy his urges. They gave him food, sure, but that didn’t feed every need. He was given liquor, medication, scientific concoctions that seemed to only further drive him into insanity. 

This was what they did, what they wanted. Drive people to the edge of death, take notes, and if they survived, they would start a brand new form of study. She didn’t know why, who they were, where they were. She just lived and they allowed her to breathe as long as she followed their rules. 

There were plenty of people she had helped clean up after, some she helped dispose of, some she had helped take out altogether. She wasn’t weak, as a matter of fact, she was taught and trained to be strong. Her frail and helpless appearance worked to her advantage and her lean petite frame and big brown eyes masked the dynamite. She was also pretty smart for not being allowed schooling. She read books, ones that they allowed, of course, watched films and television of their choosing, even the music was regulated. 

And yet, she was the most spoiled and the best treated of all the captives. She had been there the longest, endured the most tests, survived the most torture. Now, here she was, crying and writhing in agony, rolling around on her thin cot. She was drenched from head to toe, and even naked, she felt like she was melting. She knew exactly what she needed but she wouldn’t ask for it. She had been here long enough to know her limits. 

This was all because of a little touch, a simple contact of skin. The slit was only big enough for one hand, it was made for a food tray afterall. She had gotten too close, allowed herself a moment to pause and catch those wild hues staring back at her through the narrow slot. He saw the moment of opportunity and his long calloused fingers took advantage, wrapping around her wrist. It just caught her off guard, it didn’t hurt or scare her even, though she had screamed and jumped away. The food tray crashed as the Alpha growled, the sound causing her to shiver, a sheen of sweat coating her body almost instantly. She ran before the punishment began. But she could still hear the scientists beating him for his outburst and she cried as she listened to his cries of pain. 

She felt like she hadn’t stopped crying since then and that had been days ago. Pale and malnourished, she was losing all her weight and beauty. They fed her but she couldn’t keep anything down, they gave her an IV and yet she was still dehydrated. 

“I just don’t understand it.” The British accent was familiar but muffled as if she was hearing him through layers of cotton in her ears. “She is going to die and for no reason I can find.” This man had always been nice to her, and she almost considered him a friend. Mick Davies actually seemed worried as if he truly cared for her well being. Her heart ached at his words but she still hadn’t opened her mouth. It was too dry to form words anyway. 

“Guess it’s just time to put her down.” This Englishman was harsher, more cold and she whimpered. Not because of Arthur Ketch but because she could hear the howls of the man down the hall. 

Her body quivered as the feral Alpha growled and scratched the concrete walls and rattled the iron bars. The scientists heaved a sigh and left the blonde so they could attend to the troublesome Alpha. She could still hear him along with screams and loud thumps. Then she could feel it, feel him drawing closer and her body yearned for him. 

She screamed as she arched off the gurney but she was quickly silenced by a rough crash of lips, stubble scratching against her skin as teeth and tongue attacked her mouth without mercy. Her growled against her lips as he climbed on top of her, straddling her and covering her body completely with his. The heat and weight of him immediately soothed every ache in her body. She couldn’t move and she didn’t wish to. She just gave into the power of her Alpha. 

That’s what he was. Her Alpha. He was rough and calloused and yet he seemed so soft and gentle with her. She clearly calmed the beast within him as much as he soothed the agony within her, both filling the emptiness within one another. 

He wasted no time with undressing her and it was just a flick of the wrist that freed himself from the confines of the musty scrubs they had fitted him with. The same lightning fast move slid down her own scrubs and he swallowed down another scream when he plunged himself deep inside her. She sucked him in and squeezed him tight, a perfect fit that caused them both to groan. Their lips parted to suck in tight breaths A moment to adjust was unnecessary and he started a merciless rhythm, ripping her apart with each ruthless thrust. 

If he hadn’t been feral, she was sure that he would have taken his time with her. She could see in his eyes that this was only the beginning of their relationship. There was something in those lust blown pupils that told her he was a good man just not in his right mind. But neither was she and so she gladly welcomed the brutal fucking he gave her. It was fast and primal and she erupted in orgasm twice before his knot finally swelled, holding them together. It was only then that he seemed sated, able to hold her to his chest and bury his face in her neck. 

He was gentle now and the fog seemed to clear from their heads. “We have to get outta here.” The sound of his gravelly voice only seemed to excite her again and he chuckled when her walls constricted around his softening cock. “Those guys won’t be out for long and I’m sure backup won’t be far behind.” He looked into her eyes, softly brushing damp locks from her face and tucking them behind her ear. He smiled then and she nearly climaxed at the beautiful sight alone. “I’m John. John Winchester.”

She smiled in return, lifting weakly to give him a chaste kiss. “I’m Jo.” Her voice was rougher than she expected and she groaned when he pulled his deflated knot past her tight walls. He quickly pulled up his pants before doing the same for her and lifted her in his arms. “I’m gonna get us out of here. Don’t worry, Omega.” She relaxed and actually found herself falling asleep in the warmth of his embrace and she wasn’t sure how he would manage an escape but it didn’t matter. She was where she belonged.

[sugarless-suki-writes]

Big God

Fandom: Inuyasha Rating: M Word Count: 3,838 Chapters: 10 of ?

Read on FF||Ao3

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Chapter Ten

Kagome let out a soft sigh as she exited the operating room. It had taken a while, but she had finally managed to get Ginta on the road to recovery. She had to use quite a bit of reiki to heal him, as it turned out to be the only way to get rid of whatever that purple stuff was. She and her team had managed to collect a sample of it and were taking it off to run some tests. Hopefully she’d have answers soon, but for now...

She ran a hand down her face, exhaustion hitting her hard. She was going to need to make a new pot of coffee... She walked down the hall to the waiting area and looked for Hakkaku and Kouga. It didn’t take her long to spot them, and she gave them a soft smile before waving them over. They were quick to get up and follow her. She led them into a room, one that was usually used to give... not so pleasant news.. but she knew it would be private, and privacy is what they needed right now.

She opened the door to the room and ushered the two youkai in, and once they were all inside, she closed the door and sat down in one of the chairs. Hakkaku and Kouga followed her motions wordlessly.

“Ginta is going to be alright.” They let out a breath of relief at that, and Kagome couldn’t help but smile warmly at them. “He’s going to need to be here for a couple days. I’m going to need to monitor him and how he’s doing. We also managed to collect a sample of that.. purple stuff, whatever it is. So, we’ll figure out what that is soon enough. Unless you know something?” she asked, leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed.

“We’re not really certain ourselves.” Kouga said. “We haven’t seen anything like this before, so we don’t know how to approach it. How did you get rid of it?”

“Reiki. That was the only way. It took a lot out of me, too... Whatever this is.. it’s bad.” Her brows furrowed in concern. “You guys need to be careful. I don’t know what all it is you’re involved in and who with... but this looks pretty serious. If he hadn’t been brought to me when he was, or at all, then Ginta would most definitely be dead. Whatever this is, it’s fast acting and seems to spread quickly.”

Both Kouga and Hakkaku grimaced at that. That was definitely the last thing they had wanted to hear.

“So.. if something like this were to happen again, we would need to come to you?”

“Yes, or at least to the nearest hospital. There has to be at least one miko on staff at all times in every hospital. I know you guys don’t like coming here, but you’re going to have to if this happens again. There’s only so much I can do out of my home.”

They both nodded. “Thank you, Kagome.” Kouga said, voice soft.

She smiled softly at him. “Of course. It’s my job to help and heal.” She stood up from her seat then, causing them both to look up at her. “I can take you to see him. He might still be asleep, but you all can be here overnight. Just two at a time though. If any others from the pack want to visit, you’re gonna have to take turns.” she said with a bit of a giggle.

Kouga stood up, Hakkaku quickly following suit. “Yes, please take us to him.”

She nodded, then opened the door and started walking. She took them down a corridor to an elevator. From there, they went up to the third floor and down several more corridors. It seemed like ages before she finally stopped in front of a door. She pointed out the room number to them before knocking and opening the door.

A nurse was standing inside, checking on Ginta’s IV. Ginta’s head turned to see who had come in and gave a weak smile.

Hakkaku immediately rushed to his bedside and the nurse couldn’t help but chuckle at the enthusiasm shared between the two. He looked over at Kagome and gave her and Kouga a warm smile before exiting the room. They moved closer to the bed then and Ginta turned to look up at them. He smiled up at them, a bit weak and tired.

“Boss.. Sis..”

“How ya feelin’?” Kouga asked.

“Tired.. but no pain.” He directed his gaze to Kagome then. “Thank you, sis. I owe you one.”

Kagome had to resist the urge to groan. What was with them just.. handing out life debts like this? “I’m just doing my job, Ginta.”

He chuckled at that. “I know, but we all know you would’ve done it anyway.”

She rolled her eyes at him, but she knew it was true. “You guys can’t just keep handing out life debts like this, though.”

Kouga placed a hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention. “It’s only because it’s you, Kagome.”

She blushed fiercely. It wasn’t fair of him to look at and speak to her so softly like that. She scoffed and brushed Kouga’s hand off her shoulder. “Whatever..” she mumbled, rolling her eyes. “Anyway.. I should probably get back to it and check on my other patients. I’ll be back in to check on you guys later.” She chewed on her cheek as she glanced over all of them, a seriousness settling in her gaze. “Be careful, okay?”

They could only nod in response.

She nodded as well and took another moment to look them over once again, her eyes lingering on each one of them in silent worry, before she turned and exited the room.

Kouga frowned, wishing she could stick around a bit longer. But, he knew that she was on the job, and Ginta wasn’t her only patient. Besides, it was now more important than ever for him to gather information so they could protect themselves and exact revenge. He wasn’t going to take this attack lightly. This had to have been planned, and he needed to find the puppet master.

He moved closer to Ginta’s bedside, and his beta smiled weakly and softly up at him. Kouga returned the smile with one of his own, though he couldn’t hide the pain and guilt from his eyes. He pressed his forehead to the top of Ginta’s head, closing his eyes as he did so. One of his hands came up and cradled the back of the beta’s head. It was an intimate position, one he didn’t do often, but he figured after all that Ginta had done for him, it was well needed and well deserved. “We’ll get them back for what they did to you, I promise.”

Kouga held the position for another couple beats before pulling away and ruffling Ginta’s short hair. He flashed both his betas a toothy grin, hoping to ease any lingering worries they had. “Rest up as much as you need, and don’t give Kagome any trouble. I’ll be back later with information.” And with that, Kouga turned on his heel and left the room.

-BG-

The basement was dark and damp, and had an unsettling chill that had a way of just seeping into your bones. Kouga couldn’t help but feel a slight thrill as he descended into it, having long associated these feelings with gaining something, whether it was information or a lead... He always found great success in the buried depths of the compound. He hoped today would be no different.

His wolf was pacing and howling with bloodlust, another small side effect of coming down here. It was one he could live with, of course. Once he reached the bottom of the steps, he reached for the light on the wall nearby.

The familiar hum and harsh brightness of fluorescents filled the room and only further fueled the alpha’s excitement. A huge grin spread across his face as he cracked his neck and then his knuckles. He walked further into the room, the sounds of his boots hitting the concrete bounced and echoed off the walls. He rolled his shoulders, as he approached the cell he was looking for.

The aura around the caged youkai wasn’t that strong, but it was stronger than the others they had faced off against last night, aside from the one that had nearly taken him and Ginta out. He had to fight back a snarl at the memory. His wolf craved more blood.

He stopped in front of the door and peered at the youkai through the bars. Her hair was long and straight, blonde in color. Her skin was pale, but littered with freckles and a couple of cuts and bruises, likely from the fight last night. She was huddled in the far corner of her cell, bright, pale green eyes glaring up at him. But she couldn’t hide her fear, not from her eyes, and especially not from her scent. He smirked wickedly at her.

Kouga pulled out a key from his pocket and unlocked the cell door. He then slowly opened it, the slow, horrible screeching of the door only adding to the atmosphere. He then pulled it closed quickly and locked the door behind him before slipping the key back into his pocket.

“I believe you have some answers for me, don’t you?” he asked, slowly starting to move towards her.

She bristled, her tail whipping about in anger and fear and she hissed at him.

He had to resist an eyeroll. Cats...

Kouga continued to stalk closer to her, and the closer he drew, the more she huddled into her corner and the louder her hissing and growling grew. He stopped just out of swiping range, his grin never faltering.

“Now.. I just have a simple question for you. It’s an easy one, I promise.” He paused, giving her a moment to calm down, at least somewhat. “Who sent you and your group last night?” he asked.

She pressed her lips into a tight, thin line, eyes shifting away from his and down towards the floor. His nose twitched at the unmistakable smell of fear: rotting flesh. It burned his nose, but he managed to resist the urge to scratch at it. He gave her another moment, and when she showed no sign of answering, he let out a sigh.

He ran a hand down his face before crouching down, getting down on her level. Her eyes darted back up to his, cautious of what he might do next. As she should be.

“We can do this one of two ways. Either you can tell me on your own, or I can force it out of you. The choice is yours.”

He waited patiently as she looked him over, her eyes roaming quick. She chewed on her lower lip for a moment, considering.

Then she lunged at him, claws extended and growling. Kouga was quick to block her attack, grabbing her easily by the wrist and then quickly pinned her to the ground. One hand held both of her wrists behind her back while the other held her by the back of the head, pressing her face into the concrete. He shifted his body above hers, making it so he could dig his knee into her back to keep the cat youkai pinned.

His skin buzzed with excitement as his wolf urged him to do a show of force. He’d give her one more chance.

He chuckled darkly above her. “You should’ve learned by now that fighting won’t get you anywhere.”

She hissed up at him, her eyes piercing into his. “Go to hell.” she snarled, her voice raspy.

“Ohhh, so you can speak, huh?” He dug her face further into the concrete, watching as her face scrunched up in pain. “That means you can answer my questions. Now, let’s try this again..” His grip on her wrists tightened, threatening to snap, and he could see the tears welling in her eyes. “Who sent you?” he asked, a menacing snarl in his voice.

She sucked in a breath through her teeth, eyes screwed shut. More fear filled her scent and her youki lashed out against him. Kouga growled and crushed her further into the concrete, nails digging into the skin at her scalp and drawing some blood. The youkai cried out in pain below him.

“I suggest you answer before you lose your head.”

The tears spilled out of her eyes, and she opened them to look up at him, pleading with him. He paid it no mind. He simply started to dig his nails into her wrists as well to serve as an incentive.

“AH! I.. I don’t know! Only.... Only Hiro knew and h-he’s dead! We were to just follow his lead!”

Kouga stewed on this for a moment, looking her over and searching her scent. 

He bared his fangs at her and moved his hand from her head to her neck, closing his hand around it. She sobbed.

“Tell me the truth!” The tips of his claws dug into the soft, sensitive flesh of her neck and her fear only spiked. Her youki began to flare, but it was nothing compared to Kouga’s. He began to smother her aura with his own and more tears spilled down her cheeks.

“I.. I don’t know his name! I just know his presence, a-and his voice! I’ve never seen him myself.. Just heard our leader talking to him over the phone! His voice is deep, cloyingly sweet.. smooth like honey. He whispers sweet things, but they have no meaning. He offers money and protection, but.. but I don’t think we would have actually received any. He sent us there to die, I just know it!” she sobbed.

Kouga digested this information for a moment. There was no hint of lies in her scent anymore. She was telling him the truth. But there was just one last thing he needed to know...

He dug his nails further into her neck and she cried out in pain. “What do you know about the poison he used on us last night?”

“P-Poison?”

“Yes. It turned my packmate’s skin purple.”

Her skin paled, and the only scent he could smell now was her fear. It filled the entirety of the basement. It was so strong it stung his eyes and caused tears to well up.

“I don’t know.. but it’s bad. It kills... no cure...” she sobbed, thick globs of tears rolling down her cheeks. Kouga frowned, unable to help himself from sympathizing with her, at least somewhat. 

And now.. he had no use for her. He knew that if he were to let her go, then whoever her boss was would have her killed, just like he assumed had happened to Hiro, the one he had almost gotten answers out of last night. But he couldn’t keep her here. He didn’t know what kind of powers their boss had. They might have a way of tracking her, or possessing her... weirder things had happened, and he knew he couldn't take any chances. He looked down at her, and she was already looking up at him, pleading.

Kouga held back his sigh. “Thank you for your cooperation. I assume you know what must come next, then?”

“Please.... just do it.”

He would at least make it quick and painless for her...

-BG-

Kagome spent a couple moments checking Ginta’s vitals, making sure everything was good. She smiled as she put her things away and had her stethoscope settled around her neck once again. “Well, looks like you’re all good to go! Though I fully expect you to stop by my place in a couple days to make sure you’re still doing alright.” she said.

Ginta chuckled a bit. “Yeah, of course, Sis.”

She nodded. It was still weird to her hearing them call her ‘sis’... she would have to ask Kouga about it later. “Good.” Her brows furrowed for a moment. “It’s just really concerning that it took you a full week to heal.. That stuff really did a number on your system..” she commented.

“So you still haven’t figured anything out about it?” Kouga asked. He had been leaning against the wall nearby, arms crossed over his chest.

“Unfortunately... This is something completely new to us, so a lot of our results have been inconclusive..”

“Is it some type of poison?”

“Can’t say.. If it was, we’d be able to make some kind of antiserum from it fairly easily, considering we can do that with venom and other things quite easily nowadays. But this..... I just don’t know... It’s... different somehow, but it has some of the same properties as a poison.” Kagome let out a sigh and waved a hand in front of her face before standing up from her chair. “Whatever it is, it’s unique and one of a kind... So it’s going to take a while for us to crack the code. Please be patient.. and be careful, okay?”

Kouga frowned, not liking how uneasy and fearful she looked. He pushed himself off the wall and moved to stand in front of her. “We’ll be as safe as we can. Now that we know there’s something like this out there in play, we’ll definitely be more cautious from here on out.” He brought a hand up to cup her cheek tenderly. “I promise..” His voice rumbled with his promise, reverberating in his chest, and it made her knees weak. He leaned in and they kissed briefly.

When they broke away from each other, she remembered where they were and looked away, her cheeks burning. She had completely forgotten that Ginta was in the room, how embarrassing!

Kouga simply chuckled. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “We’ll see you later.” His hand lingered on her hip, rubbing a small, teasing circle there for a moment before pulling away. Kagome’s cheeks darkened and she shot a glare at Kouga, though there was no anger in it. He just laughed once again and set about helping Ginta. Kagome shook her head, rolling her eyes and heading out of the room.

As soon as Kagome was out of the room, Ginta looked up at Kouga with a smirk on his face. “She’ll make a great alpha.”

Kouga blushed for a moment before rolling his eyes and letting out a growl. “Don’t make me have you spend another week in here.”

Ginta simply laughed, knowing that Kouga didn’t actually mean it. Of course, he didn’t doubt the threat and wouldn’t push his luck, but he knew it would take more than that for Kouga to hurt him. But it was nice to see his ever so stern Alpha being such a lovesick pup. And he could tell that Kagome really cared for him. He was happy for them.

It took them a moment to get all signed out of the hospital, but once they stepped outside, Hakkaku was there, waiting with a car. He beamed at them and was quick to open the doors for them, which they thanked him for. Ginta rode shotgun, and Kouga was content sitting in the back.

Hakkaku filled Ginta in on the happenings within the pack he had missed so he’d be able to step right in once again and help out more effectively. “And now that you’re back, Kouga can tell all of us about what he got out of the youkai we had captured.” Hakkaku mentioned as he pulled into his parking space.

Ginta looked back at Kouga, looking to see if it was bad or good news, so he could be prepared. But like always, his alpha’s expression gave nothing away. They got out of the car quietly, but it didn’t stay quiet for long. Soon, the pack descended on them, welcoming Ginta home with tears in their eyes and plenty of hugs and cheek and forehead kisses. The entire pack was buzzing with excitement to have their companion back home, safe and sound. Ginta couldn’t help but tear up a bit at the outpouring of love.

Once everyone calmed down, which took quite a while, they all filed into one of the houses and took their seats. Kouga stood with his arms crossed as he waited for everyone to settle. Once they were all ready, he began to speak.

“As you all know, we managed to capture one of the youkai that attacked us last week. I wasn’t able to get much out of her, as she had her group seem to be low in the ranks, but I did get something.” He began to pace slowly, back and forth. “It seems that their boss doesn’t like many to know his identity. Most just know his voice and presence, they don’t even seem to know what he looks like except for a select chosen. According to the cat, his voice is deep, but had a sweetness to it. He also offers things, but this is likely to get them to do as he pleases. She felt that what he was sending them out for was a suicide mission, and that proved true, especially when that other youkai stepped in.”

He took a moment to let this information sink in. He could see a couple of his pack mates writing down notes, Hakkaku being one of them. “As for the poison, she said there's no cure. The only way we’ve found to counteract it so far, is by having a miko use her reiki. But from what Kagome told me, it takes a lot out of her, and uses a lot of energy to get rid of it. Whatever this is, it isn’t to be taken lightly. We’ll need to be careful from here on out until we hear the test results from Kagome. So.. be cautious from here on out. If you get attacked with this stuff, head to a hospital immediately. Understood?”

“Yes, Alpha!” they all repeated back.

He nodded once, and with that, they were all dismissed. Most of them lingered back to talk with Ginta, make sure he was doing okay and asking him questions about the poison. Kouga watched for a moment before walking over and growled a warning. They all shrunk back and then quickly left the immediate area. Ginta turned to look up at him, grateful.

“Go get rest. You deserve it.”

“Thanks Kouga..”

They smiled at each other for a moment and Kouga pulled him in for a quick hug. Once he pulled away, he gave the beta a pat on the shoulder and a wide grin. Ginta returned the smile with one of his own, then headed for bed. He would rest while he could.. he had a feeling things were only going to get more difficult from here on out.

[thechekhov]

how would you recommend an artist make themselves better known on tumblr and in general? ive been drawing and painting almost my whole life but its hard to get people to notice me, any advice? thank you, you're my fave artist <3

Thank you so much! That makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside…

As for your questions… hmm… it’s for sure a good one. 

I’m going to get a bit… strategical on that one. Hope you don’t mind this approach. 

Tumblr and real life are definitely alike in a lot of aspects, while in others they’re polar opposites. For the sake of keeping things neatly shelved, I’m going to focus on tumblr in this post.

＊*☆HOW TO GET ART NOTICED ON TUMBLR☆*＊

by chekhov

1. We have to understand how the tumblr sharing system works. 

I know this sounds a bit too obvious. I mean, we all know HOW. It’s by reblogging! 

I know that there’s a BIG opinion on tumblr that we should share and reblog art as much as possible to help artists get noticed. And that’s TRUE. It’s absolutely correct.

One thing I don’t agree with on that front is the guilt-tripping factor of it all. Like somehow people are responsible for the downfall of less popular artists because they didn’t reblog stuff enough. People are really quick to point at their followers and say “I GOT 100 OF Y’ALL HERE AND ONLY 3 ARE REBLOGGING ANYTHING”. 

I get it. It’s frustrating!

But the fact of the matter is, you can’t force people to reblog stuff. 

Instead, I recommend we harvest the power of the sharing we already have. We have to be smart about this. What I’m going to go into is a bit less concrete. We have to think about the PEOPLE who are doing the reblogging. 

Artists aren’t the ONLY ones with motivations for getting their stuff seen. And because they create media they are, for lack of a better word… a vendor! The buck STARTS with them, but it doesn’t stop with them. 

They have to also think about what the people are going to do with their product once it’s reblogged. Once someone buys from the vendor, they don’t just keep it forever. They distribute it to the others. And sometimes, those others distribute it again. We have to think about the bigger picture, and think about how FAR your art has the potential to go!

So, to get started we need to know… WHO are the ones buying from the vendor… and why?

What kind of rebloggers ARE there? 

I’m going to give my own opinion here, and feel free to disagree. But the 3 biggest rebloggers most important to the artist are these:

1. The Pleaser

Sounds sexy, right? In fact, the pleaser comes in many different forms. But essentially their goal is the same - they reblog stuff like aesthetic posts, and other pleasing things. They themselves tend to like a lot of stuff and reblog mostly beautiful photos, nice designs, and lots of fanart of whatever they’re into at the time. Comics and story-like posts are good here (although if they’re too long, people tend to lose interest.)

How to get reblogged by a Pleaser?

Appeal to their fandom, their interest, and make something that moves them. Pleasers are most active around the time when the new episode of their favorite show comes out, or when their favorite holiday comes around. Drawing fanart during its peak popularity will usually catch a Pleasers’ attention, as will drawing aesthetic Halloween posts around, well, Halloween. 

2. The Teaser

The Teaser is the class clown and the shitposter, and they reblog memes and jokes voraciously. In the Teaser’s audience are other teasers - and they also tend to be very generous rebloggers. The fact of the matter is - memes sell reblogs faster than any aesthetic art will. We’re social creatures and getting a laugh out of our followers is worth a LOT of fake internet points.

How do I get reblogged by the Teaser?

Memes. I mean, you knew this was coming, right? During the height of some new tumblr joke, people usually welcome any unusual spin, or any funny variation of an old joke. 

My meme redraws have consistently been popular and have ‘boomed’ very quickly. For example, this redraw of sapphire from Steven Universe doing ‘the scroll of truth’ jumped to 5k almost within a day. 

Many people peek at my page ‘for the lols’ but end up staying for the art, or because there’s another thing I post they’re interested in. Either way, memes are a gateway drug… to your blog. 

3. The Librarian

The Librarian is a bit more rare, but they’re still important, because they tend to reblog a lot. They’re a bit unusual in the sense that they do this for themselves, instead of for an audience. The blog of the librarian is mostly just a replacement for bookmarking interesting stuff. These people tend to reblog tutorials, reference posts, and things they want to read later on. 

How to get reblogged by a Librarian?

Make things that people want to keep around. Charts, references, tutorials. Chances are, the librarian will snag it up eventually. 

Of course, these 3 aren’t the ONLY type of tumblr blogger. In fact, many of them are a mix of these 3. But the main point is…

2. What do most of these (and other) people on tumblr have in common?

Just like you, many people (although not all) want to get their stuff SEEN. You might be creating the original product, but they choose whether or not to distribute it to their audience. 

Everyone is playing the same game, no matter which part of the chain they’re on.

You, as an artist, have the biggest responsibility to think about this long-term. Not only 1 reblog down the line. 

For example, let’s return to one of my meme-posts that I did about wrist pain (carpal tunnel). When I made this, I had a vague idea of who would consume it. Obviously… other artists. But the reason that this got so popular? Is not only because fellow artists follow me. It’s because the artists that follow me also have followers who are also, conveniently, artists. That’s why despite the fact that many people reblogged the post directly from me - even MORE of them reblogged it from @sergle​ (shoutout to sergle! u rock) who is also a popular artist and also has an audience who were prone to want to reblog the post.

See that orange dot? That’s me. See that bigger blue dot? That’s sergle. 

In a way, this is a game of chance. Will something you reblog be seen by someone with a large enough audience to keep it going? The thing is, we don’t know until it happens. And oftentime, the only way to achieve this is to keep trying. Stubbornly. 

But you can’t just headbutt the wall in the same place and hope it eventually crumbles. You have to look for a door. 

3. So what’s the door? 

Take a look at your art. Is it consumable BEYOND the surface level of your followers? 

Sometimes people get discouraged because their fanart is way more popular than their original art. Although I share their frustration, there’s a good reason for this, and your followers aren’t to blame.  

The thing is, fanart is consumable at deep reblog levels. If you post fanart, there’s a good chance that even 3-4 reblogs down the line, there’s going to be a person who sees it and thinks ‘hey, I know Steven Universe. My followers know Steven Universe. I’ll reblog this!’ Fandoms are efficient because they already have a lot of context for the consumption of the art. They have a story (humans love stories), they’re invested in it, they’re interested in it, and there’s a good chance that sharing more stuff about it will get them more interaction with their mutuals, even if they’re not consciously thinking about all this as they reblog. 

Unfortunately, that’s just not true for your original art. Many of us have beautiful, wonderful stories - but they’re not available to a wide audience. They’re not easily consumed, they’re not easily accessed (in comparison to being on netflix, for example). If you post a picture of your OC - maybe your immediate pool of followers who know that OC will reblog it. But their own followers who aren’t directly following you will not have any connection, emotional or otherwise, to that character. They simply don’t have a reason to care, and they don’t have any means to. Even if they visit your blog - will it be easy to find similar content? Have you got your links available on desktop AND mobile? Is it easy to find the beginning of your story? Is it free of mistakes and easy to read? 

Large companies that make shows or comics funnel tons of money into making their media consumable. There’s a LOT of effort that goes into advertising, too. You, as an independent artist, simply don’t have that kind of manpower. That’s not your fault - but it’s also not your followers’ fault. Why are they supposed to reblog things that their own followers will never understand and connect with? 

4. Back to square one: how do I get noticed? 

I’m gonna keep this short and sweet because I feel like I already took up a lot of your time. After everything I’ve said, hopefully this will make sense:

Make content that has a connection to your audience somehow. Make it relatable to their life. Make it relatable to what’s currently going on. Make it worth their while to look at it. 

Make content that’s easy to understand. Super detailed drawings, with nothing to focus on are difficult to digest. Simpler, sharper drawings that someone can understand within 3 seconds of looking at it are the most digestible of all. This isn’t a museum.

If you’re creating content that goes with a story, MAKE THE STORY. I know it’s tempting to create just a whole bunch of character sketch sheets and leave it at that, but you can’t complain about not getting an audience when your audience doesn’t have anything to consume in the first place. 

Make the story AVAILABLE. Organize your tags. Make sure those tags are easily accessible. People will never like 100% of your art, so many it easy for them to find what they WILL like. 

Don’t be afraid of fanart. Fanart gets you connected with people who like stories and content similar to yours. 

Don’t be afraid to follow and reblog people that you want to connect with. Don’t be afraid to make them stuff and @ them. 

Post your stuff to a LOT of places! Your audience is somewhere out there - probably not only on tumblr. You have to spread yourself thin sometimes, but make sure the account can all lead back to your main hub. 

And last but not least…

Critically re-evaluate your art at least once a year. (I’m personally working on this.) Just because you’ve been drawing for years, and just because your art might be incredible doesn’t mean it’s appealing to people. Sounds weird, right? But think about it - there’s TONS of people who are not that amazing at anatomy, or coloring… but they still have a huge audience, and people connect with their art. A lot of times, it’s because their art is straightforward and easy to read/understand. 

Ask a friend to critique your art. Ask them if they understand your work, or if it’s difficult to make out. Ask them what your work inspires in them. Ask them what they DO like about your work - and exaggerate that!

There’s a LOT that goes into art… no matter it’s a whole industry! Doing it all on your own is HARD and it’s a bit unthinkable how much artists have to do to compete with industries. But it’s not impossible, and it’s definitely worth it. :)

Hope I didn’t bore any of y’all who made it down this far. 

Thanks!

[writing-freak]

Masterlist

last updated/revised: 7/26/20

i. The Sports Festival

reader with a weather quirk faces off against shinsou in the sports festival

  - pt 2: Parties for No One

you consider approaching shinsou after the sports festival. an unlikely friendship commences

ii. Heroes and Villains

requested; a mistake shinsou makes during a mission leads to the death of six hostages and you in the hospital. you manage to calm him down before a breakdown

iii. Soulmate AU Aizawa and Shinsou w/ Dreams AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; every time you go to sleep, you meet up with your soulmate. unfortunately for your soulmate, you’re an expert at lucid dreaming, and manage to conceal your appearance by changing in every dream

iv. Soulmate AU Shinsou w/ Platonic Soulmates AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; platonic soulmates appear as shadowy demons at night. when you overcome your fear of the monster in the night, you can get to know your own imaginary friend

v. Heroes Together

requested; after growing up close friends with shinsou, you are forced to move away and leave your home behind. years later, you return, reunited with the best friend who doesn’t seem to remember you

i. Big 3 Slumber Party

a sleepover with the big three leads to some truth or dare confessions you may or may not be ready to share about your best friend

ii. Smiles of Sunshine

requested; a first date scenario in which Mirio is determined to break you out of your shy, bashful, and slow-to-smile shell

iii. Soulmate AU Mirio w/ First Words AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; first words au in which Mirio has “OH MY GOSH PUT SOME CLOTHES ON” on his wrist and you have “I am so sorry I did not mean to flash you” on yours

iv. Falling for You

requested; awkward, embarrassed, pining over here where you are absolutely determined not to fall in front of your crush

v. Don’t Leave

requested; angst; Mirio’s perfectly planned day is ruined by a horrible accident while he’s away at work

vi. Nighteye Reincarnation hcs

requested; platonic!Mirio; when Mirio hears of a quirk like yours, which can reincarnate the souls of the dead, he is determined to find you and spend one last day with his mentor, Nighteye

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 1: The Ticking Clock

part of soulmate au week; everyone has a timer on their wrist that counts down to the moment they meet their soulmate. yours has been on zero since before you can remember

ii. Facts of the Universe hcs

requested; friends since before you can remember, there are no boundaries between you and bakugou. you share everything, but how can he possibly share how he really feels about you?

    iii. Facts of the Universe pt. 2 hcs

requested; angst with fluffy end; when you’re severely injured, bakugou can’t help but feel the universe he thought he knew so well crashing down upon him

iv. Dress Prank hcs

requested; fem!reader; how does bakugou react when you put on a revealing dress and tell him you’re going out to see another man?

v. Meet the Parents hcs

requested; when bakugou agrees to a dinner with your parents for the first time, the last thing he expects is for your dad to be exactly like him

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 2: The Red String of Fate

part of soulmate au week; tamaki, your shy soulmate, keeps running away from you, making the red string tied to your pinky longer and longer, and far more inconvenient for you

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 3: Blue Eyes

part of soulmate au week; you are obsessed with the color blue, and spend your life dedicated to the things the beautiful color produces. only problem? you’ve never been able to see it

ii. Promise to You

requested; when an ex-friend of yours who spent years shattering your self esteem shows up on your tiktok’s for you page, your boyfriend ditches his study session to calm you down

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 4: Save Your Soul

part of soulmate au week; everyone has colorful marks on their skin where their soulmate touches them for the first time. you’re determined to hide your soulmarks: a pair of hands on your waist

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 5: Drawing on Skin

part of soulmate au week; anything you write on your skin shows up on the skin of your soulmate. you often draw the attention of others due to the crazy doodles, scribbles, and words written all over you from head to toe

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 7: Running from Pain

part of soulmate au week; in a world where you feel every ounce of pain your soulmate has, you spend your entire childhood trying to keep your soulmate safe, and it seems like they have the same idea. that is, of course, until you’re off to the support course at UA, and find yourself in all sorts of trouble. you don’t feel so bad, though, cause whatever your soulmate is up to seems to be creating the same amount of pain for you as you’re creating for them

i. BNHA Soulmate AU Week Day 6: The Power to Choose

part of soulmate au week; soulmates have matching tattoos on the same place on their bodies. a conversation with your best friend reveals just what she believes about the tattoo marked into her skin

i. Hide Away

requested; through your close childhood friend kirishima, you meet tetsutetsu, another hero in training who develops a quick crush on you. after a stressful day of getting ready and listening to your friend’s teasing jokes, you find yourself on your first date with the young hero

i. Soulmate AU Aizawa and Shinsou w/ Dreams AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; every time you go to sleep, you meet up with your soulmate. unfortunately for your soulmate, you’re an expert at lucid dreaming, and manage to conceal your appearance by changing in every dream

i. Soulmate AU FatGum w/ Emotions AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; soulmates can feel each other’s emotions, which can be frustrating, but comes in handy now you know your soulmate is one of the top pro heroes

ii. Late Night Snack

requested; drunk after a night out with friends, you can think of only one person to call, your boyfriend, the pro hero fatgum, begging for food and a bit of company

i. Soulmate AU Tokoyami w/ Black and White AU hcs

requested; part of soulmate au week; your soulmate’s fears and insecurities are like shadows, and can turn your vision grey until you meet them. when tokoyami’s colors start fading, he becomes desperate to find you

i. Risky Business hcs

requested; an american exchange student is caught dancing in their underwear like the scene from risky business by all of class 1-a

ii. British Transfer Student hcs

requested; a british exchange student deals with class 1-a’s endless teasing and ridiculous stereotyping as they struggle to deal with moving across the world

i. Forgive

the whole team, including your brother tony, attempts to get you and bucky on speaking terms after you refuse to forgive him for what happened to your parents

ii. New to the Team

the newest member of the avengers team, you can’t understand why everyone has accepted you more readily than the winter soldier, who joined months before you did and never got the chance to find his place among the tight knit group of teammates

i. Fighting

pre-serum au; you find yourself cleaning up after your older brother’s friend steve more times than you can count. after this last fight, you’ve had enough

i. Spiderboy

finding out your best friend is a super hero could quite possibly be the best thing to happen to your friendship. finding out flash anderson asked you out could quite possibly be the worst

ii. Flying

being iron man’s kid has its perks, but also its challenges. never leaving stark tower can be lonely, but when your dad’s new “intern” finds himself in the penthouse suite, you may have found yourself a new friend

i. Worry

loki calms you down when you’re stressed about a mission and can’t fall asleep

i. Carol Drabble #1

i. Useless   pt. 1   pt. 2   pt. 3

completed; a mutant with a power to manipulate emotions, you find yourself feeling useless when your friends risk their lives on dangerous missions. hank decides to help you find a way to use your power aggressively

i. The Invisible Mutant   Chapter 1 - Ch. 2 - Ch. 3

ongoing; your mutation allows you to hide away from others, hidden in the shadows away from those who are out to hurt you. now, turning invisible is a reflex, and you do it at the smallest bit of fear, but when a mutant with mind reading powers saves you from the streets and brings you to a safe haven with other mutants your age, you come to learn that fear isn’t everything, and your mutation is so much more

ii. Summer Fun

requested; you and your husband take your daughter to a water park for a day of fun, only to catch her manipulating the water in front of the other kids

i. Bullseye

requested; you and leo are stuck after dark trying to meet the requirements to finish your archery lesson with coach hedge. after a few hours, though, it becomes clear that neither of you are going to hit a bullseye any time soon

let me know if you would like to be added to my taglist - general, for a fandom, or a particular series - also, my requests are always open! Thanks for reading!! <3

[transjinako]

Gun Isekai

Ok here I’ll post this shit onto tumblr and whatever happens happens  and who ever likes it likes it 

“Was the hospital always this white?” I ask to no one in particular, not particularly caring as I stared out into a white emptiness.

It's no surprise that I don’t get an answer back, I lift my arm up to scratch at my head and instantly feel something missing. The light weight I got used to after years of having it, the IV that had been connected to my arm.

I run my hand over my wrist just to be sure, but there’s nothing, not even a sign that it had been there.

I take another look around, I’m in a bed thats all white, comfortable, calming for some reason. I slowly sit up.

“So...I’m finally dead?” I ask no one again, no one answers me and I look down at my lap.

“Going to cry?” A voice I’ve never heard before asks me. I look up to it’s direction.

Somehow, without my discretion a...something appeared to sit on my bed. It was a vaguely human shaped mass of...Dark. I don’t know how to describe it, but it was like a fault within the world of pure White that I was within. It didn’t seem threatening though, even though it had no face.

It seemed to stare at me, waiting for an answer? I shake my head slowly, but my hands are shaking.

“No…” I answer, though I don’t know that quite myself. “But...is this Death?”

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never died before.” The thing said to me, its voice had a certain familiarity in it’s tone, like it was talking to me like an old friend.

“Oh...are you dead?” I hazarded, leaning in a little to the shape to try and make something out of it.

There’s nothing really to look at other than what I’ve already seen. “Yes...I suppose we both died at the same time.”

“Sorry….” I say automatically, “I’m...not good at this stuff but...if your hurting for it, maybe I can talk to you...make it hurt less?”

The figure was silent for a few seconds, “Why?”

“Why? Well...I...don’t know how to explain it.” I say, I can’t help but sound dejected.

“You weren’t faking.” The figure says quickly, leaning to me now.

“Huh?”

“...I have been watching, for a long time, watching. I’ve seen your sad, short life and for the first time, I’ve understood the pain of humans. I’ve understood the depth of loneliness. I’ve understood truly impotent bitterness.”

“Uh.” I don’t know what to say to that.

“Thank you.”

“Your welcome.” I say automatically, if not I couldn’t have said anything.

“I’m sure I’ve given humans these emotions,” The figure says and seems to look at its own hands. “Ones just as, if not more terrible than what you have felt. And yet, I never once truly understood them, I just knew they existed. ”

“I...think I know how that feels.” I whisper, looking back down at my lap. “The faking thing, right?”

The figure nods, “Yes. For a long time, I was so sure of myself, but now, I wonder, was I simply doing things, grasping around just to feel something? Was it right for me to do that? Is it even possible for me to feel?

“Being with you, you have given me every one of those answers, even if you don’t know them yourself. I’ll say this, you have shown me true emotion all these years, and just now, you gave me the best one, I think.”

Oh. “What’s that?”

“You were...Kind.” The figure whispers, I wonder if it’s crying.

“I will reward this.” The figure stands from my bed, and raises up its hands. The dark of it’s form spills outward, in every direction.

A feeling both hot and cold passes through me and I gasp, that darkness is quickly covering me.

“I have decided this just now, please, take my body and go to that other world, and...simply be kind. I’m sure, I hope, that this will give you the life that...I now wish you had.”

I can’t even think of something to say to that, let alone speak before my vision blanks out completely.

I wake up with a jolt, slamming my hands on the dirt (?) and taking short, quick breaths of fresh air (???).

My hands curl around the ground and pull up grass. My wonderment toward this new situation is only increased as I see my hands, grey and obsidian, with nails like talons.

I stand up and it seems the surprises just don’t wanna stop. For one, I’m wearing new clothes, all black, a cowled cape that could wrap around my entire body, the outfit under it is...strange, its a close fitting outfit of black and gray and few reds, and strapped to my hip is, a gun???

OK, I tell myself, I need to actually look at myself. Just one thing at a time, the gun can be looked at later.

I hear flowing water nearby, so I quickly walk myself to it. I said I’d take things one at a time but, I simply can’t help but notice how tall I really am. I have no way to measure myself but I’m definitely Tall. My legs move my body in long, fast strides to my destination, it takes no time at all.

I reach the river I heard and quickly look down to it.

“Huh.” I say, looking down at my X shaped blue irises, my features were, and I’m not saying this to brag, beautiful. The face I had was sharp and appealing, my hair tumbled down my shoulders and back in a spiky sort of mess, my ears poked out through my hair like...whatever you might imagine an Elf’s would look like. Not only that, but opening my mouth I could see rows of teeth, my mouth could open quite large too, it was like a sharks.

My body was clearly huge and muscular, and most importantly, it was definitely not my own.

I slowly sit down and put ‘my’ hands on ‘my’ head and force myself to process all of this. My brain surges back to the conversation I had with that...dark figure. I didn’t know what it was, I don’t know why it had come to me, I don’t know how it did any of what it had done but…

It had given me this body, a second chance at life.

My hands slowly droop to my sides and my right arm bumps against the gun.

Oh, and this gun.

I slowly draw the thing, a jet black Magnum, one of those circular barreled ones, it was large too, to fit my now large hand probably. It would never fit in a normal person’s hand. Not only that but...but….

I could feel it.  I could just...feel something coursing through this gun and into me, something connecting me and this gun.

I don’t quite understand it, so, for now, I holster the gun and allow the feeling to dissipate.

Uselessly, I look left and right to try and find...something? Some type of guide, some type of direction to go. I’m like a sitting duck, I just don’t know-

A fearful, blood draining shriek fills my ears.

My ears shot toward the direction before my head can follow, my eyes widen and strain, and I see it perfectly.

I see some uncountable amount of miles away, I lock on instantly, it’s source was a girl. A young girl too, in some lightly colored, lightly armored get up, blood was tarnishing it though, for it had been slashed through by a large, snake like monster, it stood upright from it’s tail, taller than the regular man with hands that dragged on the ground, big enough to wrap around the tree trunks that surrounded the two of them. It snake head poised on the girl, it’s eyes murderous.

The girl looks scared, though accepting as the monster’s hand raises up to strike her dead.

I will not allow that, of course.

My legs move like lighting, shooting me forward as I draw the Magnum as if on some instinct and point it straight at the monster’s arm and pulling the trigger.

A wave of purple black light launches from the gun at speeds far exceeding my run speed, makes quick work of the monster’s arm, lobbing it off cleanly.

It hisses and shrieks in pain and I finally make it to the scene, quickly jumping up and shooting a leg forward into the snake monster’s head, it goes flying and I simply land, I don’t even feel tired.

I marvel at myself, at this body more like, before I hear its hissing again. I feel my expression turn sour at the beast, it seemed to want retribution for it’s lost arm.

I would give it none.

Instead, I level my magnum at it and feel words pass through my mind, at random, or by some instinct once again, I speak.

“Banish.” My voice sounds several octaves lower than my usual voice as a ball of shadowy, seemingly uncontrolled energy shot straight into the monster’s chest. Several, what I could only describe as Magical circles appeared around it, closing in on it’s body, burning away whatever it touched. It shrieked in pain, and I falter for a moment, though I remind myself that this could have been the girl.

The girl.

The magical circles closed in on it till it had gone completely, I look around and don’t see the girl, I do find traces of blood, though, I can smell blood in the air as well.

I look out to the girl’s direction, remembering my eyesight I focus on it and soon enough see that the girl was struggling to get away, limping.

Without a second thought I make to follow her, she isn’t fast enough to warrant a full run, especially with how much ground I covered with what felt like brisk walking, I catch up in a few minutes.

She hears my footsteps and falls over, she quickly turns on her back and pulls a...sword.

“S-stop, Demon! T-take no step further and leave!” She growled, her soft face was covered with swear and riddled with fear. Her bleeding wasn’t getting any good either.

“Didn’t you hear me!?” She growled, the arm holding her weapon shaking. I frown, what does she want me to do, leave her? And...did she say demon? One at a time, one at a time…

“I can’t-” My voice, though still feminine, is a bit lower than usual, I supposed this came with the body, “I can’t just leave you here, is there...any place I can take you, you seemed to be hurrying somewhere.”

She seemed surprised for a second but steeled once again, “D-don’t trick me! I am a Paladin, I would rather run myself through now than to take the help of a damn demon!”

A paladin? Like those, christian warrior people? I bite my lip and only a moment afterwards worry about my sharp teeth breaking the skin, its apparently tough though.

“I...know how I look but, I want to help you, and I also need some help, so maybe...we can help one another?” I suggest slowly, she seems perplexed by me, but her face is too pale for me to think about her thoughts rather than her well being.

“You, v-villain, I will not…” She breaths raggedly and her arm is too weak to hold up the sword anymore, it goes limp. Her blood now covered the ground she laid on and the hand that had been pressed up to the wound.

I can’t contain myself anymore, I slink over to her and quickly gather her up in my arms, my strength is just as I thought, she’s like nothing in my hands. I carefully fix her hand so that her sword was rested on her body. She’s awake, but just barely.

“You are...being sincere.” She remarks, I glance down at her.

“I told you, I wouldn’t just leave you to die.” I say, quickly moving in the direction she had been running toward.

“...S-stop. Thats the village. You will scare people.” She grunted, slowly moving her free hand to point North west. “I live in a cottage, it’s that way.”

I nod, using my enhanced vision to pinpoint it, then I begin moving.

“Why?” She suddenly asks while I carry her

“Why?”

“Why are you helping me?” She grunted, looking up at me with obvious curiosity.

I can’t help but feel self conscious at the staring, though, its also because I don’t have a good answer.

“I…” I start, trying for the first time in a long time to look into my heart for an answer. “I just...wanted to be kind. I think.”

“You think?” She repeats, a smile slowly spreading on her face, she coughed out a laugh. I smile at her nervously.

“How...strange, I was saved by a kind Demon….may I have your name, kind demon?” She asks, it looks like shes about to pass out, in my worry I pick up the pace.

But that question, what should I say? My name...my real name didn’t have much meaning to me, it was something people sparingly called me, something I could easily forget. I...didn’t want that name. Quickly, I thought of a new one.

“Bell.” I said, trying to make myself sound sure of it.

“Bell…?” She repeats, I nod as her head rolls to one side and rests on my chest.

“I am...I am...Maarn. Thank you.” She, Maarn, whispers before losing consciousness.

I couldn’t completely describe what I was feeling but, there was a sort of determination in me now, it had shown up out of the blue when I heard her cry but now it was here, and I was holding it just as tightly as I was Maarn. If I had been on this world for the sake of Kindness…

Then Maarn would be the first person that Bell The Demon would be kind to.

[eeveelutionsforequality]

@mod vape, do you have any tips for dealing with hypersexuality or addiction? bc uh. getting off hurts. idk if it’s specifically because ive been doing it so goddamn much or because of the fucking legion of medical problems i have, but it’s DEFINITELY making my abdominal pain worse and i dont know how to stop gjdfjhk.

Well, firstly, go to the doctor about that pain - there are injuries, illnesses, sexual dysfunctions, and all sorts of things from that could be causing a pain like that (it could be a pulled muscle, a cyst, maybe you aggravated a pre-existing health issue, etc), and it's best to rule out anything too dangerous as soon as you can, and to treat anything treatable. Even if it is tied to or caused by overdoing sex/masturbation, just mitigating that habit isn't guaranteed to fix it.

I was getting some pretty bad pain from even small dildos/vibrators, and I decided to go to the doctor in case it was something dangerous - thankfully, it turned out to just be a sexual dysfunction (basically spasms and tightening of the muscles in the vagina, in my case caused by trauma). I was supposed to get therapy for it, but I never went because I was having another therapy at the time and my carer was like "But what if they cancel each other out!?" and I was like "That's not how it works..." Sometimes it acts up but I think I've got it mostly under control. I've also had to go to the doctor for sprained/strained wrists more times than I would like to admit... I used to be like "Oh I played my guitar for too long" or "Oh I think I leant on my walking stick for too long" and now I'm just like "Wanker's cramp".

Trust me and my plethora of injuries when I say that doctors are professionals, they went to medical school, they see genitalia on a daily basis, they've seen eyes and ears and giant sores full of puss... it's really rare to get a doctor that will look down upon or judge you for that. Sure you'll get the odd "You should masturbate less", "Here's a big speech about the risks of STDs and pregnancy", "Have you told your therapist about this", but it's more of an "I'm contractually obliged to impart medical advice" than an "I think you're gross" 99% of the time.

Secondly, I do have tips, but I'm still hella bad at dealing with my own issues - I still smoke more than I want to, drink til I puke, sleep with strangers, lose days to laying in bed alone, have an aching pain in my wrists, etc. Obviously I don't have all of the answers, so I can't promise that they'll be the best tips in the world - it's worth doing some more research of your own, and it might be worth talking to your doctor/therapist if you can't manage it on your own.

You haven't given much detail about how specifically it affects you or what the addiction is to (sexual stuff in general, masturbation, casual sex, porn, etc), so I'm going to try to cover as much as I can (like dealing with sexual thoughts about people in your life, limiting the number of times you masturbate, etc) and I hope that at least some of what I say is useful to you.

Okay, so the first tip I have is: try not to slip into the mentality that cold turkey is the only way to go if it's not what you want - thinking "I can't have this. I'm not allowed this." can increase cravings. Thinking "I'm allowed this later... if I stay motivated not to do it now and if I only do it in moderation, and it's gonna be great." can make waiting out those cravings a lot easier, provided you have the self-control to not slip back into a bad habit after once.

Ways to avoid slipping back into bad habits include: having time (or number of the thing) limits for when and how long you are allowed, having something to do afterwards that takes your mind off it (for example "once I've done it once, I have to get up, take out the rubbish, email my boss, read that global warming article, and get ready for bed"), other rewards/punishments (put a book you really want in your Amazon basket then click "save for later", if at the end of the fortnight you've accomplished your goal then buy the book, if you fail the fortnight resets and you have to wait two more weeks - set smaller goals with smaller rewards, and larger goals with larger rewards), keeping and going over a diary so that you can see what worked and what didn't, if there's a pattern to failures, progress even if you're not meeting goals (at which point try to make the upcoming goals a little easier since you're expecting too much of yourself), and so on.

Secondly, and it's the most generic tip ever but it's SUPER important for addictions because they can damage your pre-frontal cortex... healthy diet, exercise, meditation, mental exercises, getting some sun, and other daily tasks are super important.

You need to get into the habit of something like reading or pottery or drawing for at least half an hour to an hour every day - turn off your internet, games, distractions, and maintain concentration on what you're doing. This helps repair the effects that addictions can have on your pre-frontal cortex and dopamine receptors by activating the parts of your brain that work towards maintained motivation and focus for smaller or distant rewards, which in turn will help your brain work normally again, which in turn will increase motivation and willpower.

Cooking more difficult meals will have similar benefits and a healthy diet improves your overall health. Exercise does the same even more effectively than either, and it has the added bonus of energizing you, increasing your focus on other tasks that you do afterwards, various health benefits, lifting your mood, and helping you be tired by the end of the day so that you'll be able to sleep easier - insomnia is a really dangerous trigger for any addiction, but especially a masturbation or sex addiction, because you're in an environment that is associated with that behaviour and the behaviour makes it easier to sleep afterwards, so you've every reason to start doing it if you find yourself unable to sleep.

Which brings me on to another reason why keeping a diary is especially important - you need to isolate your triggers. Establish what happened immediately before the behaviour, what you were thinking, and what potentially led to the behaviour. Then you can work towards either avoiding those triggers, lessening them, being mindful of them, or training yourself to exhibit a different behaviour in response to them - for example, if having a shower triggers you to masturbate, try singing in the shower instead, training your brain to react to showers with the urge to sing instead of the urge to masturbate.

You might also want to try sleeping meds, so that you can take them, read until they start to kick in, and then immediately go to bed and try to sleep - that way there's less of a gap between going to bed and falling asleep where something could happen.

Routine can also be really helpful for some people - you're supposed to fall asleep between about 10pm and 1am for optimal sleep, and you're supposed to wake up between 6 and 8 hours later. Get out of bed as soon as you wake up to avoid lethargy, and either exercise or go for a short walk, or do something that starts your brain and body working for the day. After that, prepare breakfast, don't watch TV or distract yourself while you eat. Continue the day with a routine that works for you, and you could set a time at which you will masturbate (or maybe a date you're allowed to go to the club and pull... how you work in routine if you have a long-term sexual partner is something you would need to talk to them about) that doesn't interfere with your routine.

Avoid bars, pubs, clubs, tinder, grindr, and anything else that can be a trigger for that or makes quick hook-ups easy - I know that I can go to the pub near me (because there'll be nobody there for that, it's an "old people come here to watch football" pub), and that I can go to a pub or bar with friends if I'm having a good day, but making sure that my flat wasn't within walking distance of a club and deleting dating apps was really helpful to me (it meant that even if the temptation was there the effort required to act on it was too much and took too long, so I'd catch myself).

I also log off any tumblr that I'm following people on that post NSFW, porn, sexual stuff or anime stuff if necessary - just like how I log off any tumblrs where I follow political blogs if I'm getting overwhelmed by that. But it is still good to have a tumblr for NSFW stuff, to have somewhere that you can express certain things, reblog things, feel less alone, enjoy things that you enjoy - don't demonize the side of you that likes sex, don't lock it in a cell in the back of your head, just tell it that it can't control you.

I'm also working on not putting myself in as many situations that can make me feel like I'm being too flirty or as many situations that cause too many uncomfortable or sexual thoughts at a time when they're stressing me - like, I don't come online as much when I'm drunk now, I don't have as many sleepovers, and I don't tend to maintain physical contact for as long (like, I don't hold hands as often as I used to), for example.

That said, you can't live out your life hiding from people who your brain might think something sexual about - isolating yourself is unhealthy. Humans are social creatures and social interaction is good for us, talking to people about our problems is good for us, distractions and fun are good for us. I find structured social plans make things easier - so, I like plans like "lets cook together then eat the awesome meal", "lets go see a movie", "lets go to the town center and taste hot chocolate from as many cafés as we can before I puke", "lets go to the fair" and things like that (that said, agoraphobia is awful and ruins like 90% of my social interaction). Keep people in your life who you're comfortable with and who make you happy.

Remember that what you're thinking or mental images that pop into your head aren't evil, it doesn't mean that you have a crush on them, that you actually want to do sexual things with them, that you can't be their friend, or anything like that... they're just thoughts. You didn't choose them. Just let them pass.

Your surroundings and triggers are incredibly important things to stay on top of though, be that to mitigate stress in social situations, or to prevent you from engaging in more sex/masturbation than you want to or than is safe for you to.

Don't spend your day in the same place that you masturbate - even if you don't live alone you can avoid being in bed when you're in your room, you could get a sofa, beanbag, comfy chair, gigantic cushion, or other comfortable place to sit in your bedroom so that you don't have to be in your bed, and put that in a part of your room with different posters/decoration to those around your bed.

Lots of things can become associated with certain behaviours in your brain, from sitting in a certain place to feeling a certain emotion. Try to avoid being too exposed to those things at times when you don't intend to be doing something sexual, and replace them with other things that make you happy, keep you distracted, and aid in training concentration and willpower (maths games, board games, card games, puzzles, reading, cooking, exercise, drawing, writing, etc).

Even things like separating any porn or sexual pictures in your phone into a hidden folder instead of having it pop up when you go to look for pictures, or keeping magazines or the pornhub bookmark out of sight, can really help with lessening the regularity with which things pop into your head.

Finally, and I've hinted at it throughout this, mindfulness and meditation are things that many addicts find incredibly helpful. It's really worth doing some googling, watching some YouTube videos, and learning those techniques (and it's good to be doing research in general into ways to help addictions or hypersexuality disorders, because there are quite a few schools of thought and there are probably a lot of things that I've missed).

Meditation, like reading and exercise, helps train your mind into maintaining focus, not reacting to distractions and urges, relaxing, letting thoughts pass by, and being less hectic and loud - it also has health benefits, can help you sleep, can help you take time from your busy schedule to yourself (an urge that may have been previously feeding the addictions instead, as they can be linked to a need for control), and can help you work through thoughts or anxieties.

Mindfulness helps in various ways too - for example, smokers found that being mindful (observing, essentially) helped them quit because it led to them paying more attention to how bad the cigarette tasted, and it also allowed them to non-judgmentally observe the cravings that they felt, observe why they were feeling those cravings, and allow them to pass by. It's about letting your thoughts exist, letting things exist, acknowledging them, but not letting them control you.

You can study mindfulness for yourself - research it online, read one of the many books about it, watch YouTube videos, etc - or you can go to the doctor and ask for a therapy that teaches mindfulness (I found learning about it in my own time more helpful, and have had more success with that, but I think that was mostly related to not having a great therapist - plus, online gives me more opportunities to look into the how and why, to see how other people do it, to look deeper into it, to take as long as I need, while therapy was just an elderly lady snapping at me for using my phone and telling me to imagine that my thoughts are clouds and distracting me constantly).

So yeah...

Step 1: Go to the doctors for that pain, it's probably something minor but it's better safe than sorry.

Step 2: Do more research, Mod Vape doesn't know everything.

Step 3: Keep a diary and try to isolate what things are triggering you, what you're feeling beforehand, and be mindful of what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and what you're gaining/losing from the experience.

Step 4: Try to keep yourself away from things that trigger you, but also remember that you don't have to entirely abstain from valuable things - you can train new reactions as responses to those things, you can work on self-control, and so on.

Step 5: Work on your routine, diet, exercise, habits, and hobbies, so that you can improve your willpower, motivation, and health.

Step 6: Research and practice meditation and mindfulness.

Step 7: Set and work towards small goals, rewarding yourself for successes and keeping track of your progress.

Step 8: If you can't control the addiction or behaviour, if the thoughts are becoming difficult to live with, if these problems continue to cause you distress, there is no shame in seeking professional help. You don't have to do this alone.

Remember that chemical imbalances and other neurological issues can cause such things - if you can't manage it alone, that could be a warning sign that something serious or physiological is going on. Not being able to quit doesn't necessarily mean that somebody's "not trying hard enough", and instead of beating yourself up talk to somebody who can do blood tests, scans, or whatever else is necessary to make sure that you're okay and that you overcome your struggles.

~ Vape

[kabby-patty]

that fic ive been promising for a month but havent posted cuz im a terrible person ;D

Kabby baby prompt - Abby goes into labour but they realize they have to do an emergency C-section, the radiation is almost here, supplies is limited, and they can't spare the anaesthetic. The only way the baby will survive is with the surgery but the risk for Abby is high. Abby placed a hand on her swollen stomach. It was reletively small compared to those she’d seen in the past. It was big but not as large as it had been with clarke.  Her head was throbbing. The long hours sitting on a stool staring into the two lenses of a microscope began wearing down on her. The long hours brought good thoughts and bad thoughts. The good thoughts made her think of her and Marcus’s baby. The future their baby would have now that both of them were nightbloods and soon enough Marcus would be one too. She just had to get home to him. To everyone in Arcadia. They had found the serum only 2 days before and now were packing up headed home.

She smiled at the thought of when she told Marcus she was pregnant. When she placed his rough hand on her stomach and said, “Let’s call her hope”, his eyes light up and he threw his arms around her. It was the happiest she had ever seen him. Soon enough Abby and Marcus would be together. Soon enough-she repeated in her head.

Abby had been rummaging around the rooms in Becca’s house for any clothes that would fit her or Marcus for the past few days. She had found some but not many. There were 3 more rooms to check before they left. Abby turned the corner and opened the door to the last room. The room had a small bed in the corner and drawings on the walls. One drawing had a small girl and two taller figures. The drawing was mainly with crayon. The small girl had the word me written over it. The two taller figures each had the words mom and Aunt B hovering above. There was green grass and colorful flowers. The sky was blue and there was a pond. Abby subconsciously ran her fingers over the drawing. Abby wondered what happened to the little girl. But Abby put that thought out of her mind and began searching through the drawers. She saw lots of shirts and pants and jackets that would be perfect for her son or daughter in a few years. In the back of the closet, Abby found a bin with baby clothes in it. It made Abby think how long Becca had stayed here. She took a bunch of onesies with her. Abby didn’t know if she was having a boy or a girl yet but she wanted to be prepared. So, she also took one princess dress that hung in the corner. Her hand traveled to her belly once more where, it rested. Their baby was due anytime now. Abby set those clothes in her bag and began searching for a gift for her older daughter. Abby searched the little girl’s desk and the baskets surrounding it. In the farthest basket, there was an unopened pack of colored pencils. Abby knew Clarke barely had time to sleep but thought Clarke would enjoy them. Clarke always loved art and drawing. She wished there was more of an opportunity to do such things on the Ark but with all the rations and limited supplies, they couldn’t waste what they had. Abby grabbed a set of paper from the desk and placed it in her bag along with the pencils. She smiled. She was ready to go home and see her love.

________________________________________________________________

The rover ride was long and very rocky. Abby almost threw up 4 times before finally falling asleep on Jackson’s lap. Abby awoke when the rover lurched to a stop. First she blinked open her eyes, once realizing where she was, she jolted up. They were at the gates of Arkadia. Of course Abby and Jackson were sitting farthest from the door. Abby tapped her foot impatiently as people began filing out of the rover. Jackson stepped out before her and reached a hand up. She took it and stepped down. She was blasted with the smell of trees, metal and home. She took a deep inhale. She opened her eyes and saw her home. It was broken and torn but it still stood proud and tall. She smirked. Her eyes scanned the crowd for a certain face. One that she had been dreaming of for weeks. When she finally saw the back of his head, she couldn’t hold back the tears. Her hand went to her mouth to silence the cry. The other hand went instinctively to her stomach. He saw Raven run past him towards Monty. He whipped his head around. He hadn’t been expecting them that early. His face softened and his heart melted when he saw her. He smiled. She dropped her backpack and he ran towards her. Marcus was pushing people aside. When he got to her, he crashed into her. He buried his face in her hair. She placed her head in the crook of his neck. Each of them had gotten a hand tangled in the other’s hair. He lifted her up off the ground. She looked into his eyes. And smirked. “I was afraid we wouldn’t see you again.”

He rolled his eyes remembering back to almost a year ago, when they had a very different reunion. He kissed her softly. He placed her down. She pulled his collar and deepened the kiss. She bit his lower lip. Softly at first then she bit it hard. She winced into his mouth. Her entire body tensed up. “Abby, what’s wrong.” He wiped the blood from his lip. She winced again and bent over. “Talk to me.” His hands started shaking. His breathing became rapid.

“Baby. Now.” She managed to breathe out. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He lifted her princess style. He began running to medical.

“JACKSON!” He yelled. Jackson turned from his spot next to Raven. He dropped her hand and ran behind marcus. He set her down on a med table. Abby gripped the table. There was too much pressure. She relaxed when the contraction stopped. She was panting. Jackson ran in. “Jackson, I think she’s rotated. There’s too much pressure.” Jackson lifted her shirt and pressed around. He stopped and shut his eyes. He looked at a scared Abby and Marcus and nodded.

“Yes.” He said deflated. “The baby rotated so…” His voice was low and slow.

“I know.” She whispered. She looked up at her husband. “Marcus, Jackson has to perform a c-section. It’s the only way the baby will survive...But” She trailed off.

“But what Abby?” His voice cracked. She opened her mouth to speak but another surge of pain struck her body. She screamed. The contractions were coming too close. She grabbed Marcus’s hand. Her knuckles were white. Her nails dug into his skin. Marcus felt tears coming to his eyes. He hated seeing her in pain. The only thing he ever wanted to do was to ease her pain. To make her feel loved and important and worth something. That was his job as her husband and best friend. It was his job and he was failing. She relaxed when the contraction stopped.

“Marcus, if I don’t have the procedure, both of us will die.” She put her hands on his cheeks. “But if Jackson can save our baby. If Jackson can save our little one. And I know he can. He’s done this a million times with me. We already moved our anesthesia to the bunker. We only have a few basic tools here so the chances that we both survive are…”

“No.” He shook his head. “No. I can’t live without you Abby.” Tears blurred his vision. He felt his hands shake. They rested behind her neck. “No.”

“Yes. This is the only way for you to meet our baby. Please, let’s not argue about it becuase there is no other way. Just hold me.” Tears fell silently down her face. He obliged.

“I love you so much Marcus.” He climbed on the table. She sat in between his legs. Her head rested on his chest listening to his heartbeat. She turned up to look at his face.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me Abigail Kane.” He kissed her slow and soft. He felt her tense up again. Another contraction plagued her. Soon enough they would have a little baby. But Marcus knew what came with that. And Abby knew that soon her pain would be over.

Jackson walked in. He had scrubbed in and was ready to proceed. He rocked her side to side as Jackson walked closer. Tears streamed down both of their faces. Jackson looked to Abby for confirmation. She nodded. He grabbed a scrap piece of leeather they had from the wrist restraints from Ilian. He placed it in her mouth. She nodded again. She looked up at marcus and grabbed his hands. She inhaled. What came next was a blur for her.

Marcus’s heart broke into a million pieces. Jackson placed the scalpel on her skin and dragged it across. She screamed in a way he’d never heard. It was worse than Mount Weather, it was worse than shocklashing, it broke his heart. She started shaking. He whispered reassurances in her ear. Trying to calm her down in anyway he could. It seemed like they sat there for hours. It was only a few seconds. Marcus looked up when he heard a baby’s cry. His breathing got quick and he opened his mouth. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“It’s a girl Abs.” Jackson smiled. He wrapped her in a blanked and handed her to Abby. “I’m gonna close you as fast as I can.”

Abby was still shaking from shock and barely conscious. Marcus supported her arms as they both held her together. “Jackson Eden Kane.” She whispered.

“It’s perfect. She’s so small.” Marcus said. He kissed her forehead. He was crying tears of joy because they had created a life and she was in his arms finally. Their daughter. But also tears of fear as he didn’t know if his wife would survive.

“Marcus, I need you to go. I need to patch her up. It’s not gonna be easy but I need space. You have to go.” He kissed Abby’s forehead. He looked at Jackson. Eyes pleading for another way.

“Please Jackson. I can’t leave her. Let me just stay. Please. I love her.” He begged.

“Kane the longer you argue the less of a chance she has of surviving. Now go.” Jackson commanded.

Marcus exhaled. He had no other choice. He looked at Abby. She was bobbing in and out of consciousness. “I love you so much. You’ve given me more than I ever knew i wanted. You are my light in the dark. I’ll protect Jackson with my life. Abby, I love you so much.” He kissed her again. He then stood up. He delicately lifted his daughter out of Abby’s arms. When he stood, she fell back onto the bed. He stared at her, tears rolling down his face.

“Marcus, please.” Her apprentice pleaded. Marcus reluctantly stumbled backwards and with a whoosh of the automatic door, she was gone. Tears streamed down his face. A gust of wind came by from the closing door and Jackson started crying. He looked down at the bundle in his arms. He wrapped the blanket tighter around her. He began swaying. Marcus put his pinky out and she grabbed onto it. “Shhhhh. It’s ok. Papa’s got you and he’s never going to let anything bad happen to you.” She had calmed down a little but was still whimpering.

“Hod ma han. Cloz yu blinka.

Teik a gaf. Sei reshop.

Skai so biga. Skaifaya so soncha.

Ai hod yu in. Rid so os.

Hold my hand. Close your eyes.

Make a wish. Say goodnight.

Sky so wide. Stars so bright.

I love you. So sleep tight.”

She finally relaxed after he said those words and fell back asleep. That was a poem he and Abby had come up with while she was pregnant. He said the words in trigedasleng. She would say them in English. They would say it every night to Abby’s growing stomach. She should’ve been there with him saying those words. He found a seat right next to the doors of the operating room. He wanted to be there when Jackson told him if he still had a wife or not.

Marcus looked down at his daughter. She had beautiful brown hair and lips that matched his. Her nose however, was Abby’s. He was anxious and excited to see her eyes. If they were going to be golden brown like hers or a dark chocolate brown like his. He ran his thumb over her cheek. He could literally stare at her for hours, admiring every piece of her. “Your mama loves you very much. You will get to see her again soon. I promise.” He kissed her forehead.

She stirred from the tickle of his beard. He jumped when the automatic doors opened. Marcus stood up quickly. She squirmed to find a better position. Jackson, the doctor, walked out. “Did you save my wife Jackson?”

He took his cap off. “She lost a lot of blood. Her pelvis was sprained due to all the pressure...”

“Damnit jackson just tell me….” He paused. He didn’t want to say it. “Just tell me if Abby is alive.” His heart began beating insanely fast. His hands were shaking and tears began forming again. Marcus could barely hear. The only sound in his ears was the blood rushing and flowing through him.

Jackson stood there. He slowly looked up at Marcus. Jackson choked out a one word answer. Marcus felt his heart drop. He got goosebumps. The hair on the back of his neck stood tall. He exhaled slowly. His entire body started shaking. He couldn’t believe what he just heard. “Can I go see her?” Jackson nodded.

Marcus readjusted the baby in his arms. He approached the door and it opened. He rushed in. The heartbeat he felt earlier stopped when he finally saw her. He became dizzy. Marcus could not believe his eyes. He drew one long breath. Tears formed in his eyes. On the table was his wife, the mother of his child, his Abby. His trance was broken.

“I’m okay Marcus.” She smiled at him. She was okay.