#also like I said. it's 4am so if it's a bit weird blame it on that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sequinsmile-x · 4 years ago

Text

Day-to-Day

Emily is the glue that holds the family together, aka five times the Hotchner family needed Emily.

A story in the “5 times + 1″ format.

Part of the Whatever Tomorrow Brings universe.

Chapter 1 - Amelia.

Read on AO3 via this link, or below the cut

March 2010

Aaron wakes to his bed being empty. He rubs his eyes, trying to remove the last remnants of sleep, and he turns to check the alarm clock, groaning when he sees it’s 3am. He touches the other side of the bed and feels that the sheets are cold, indicating that his wife had been gone for some time. Amelia had been off the evening before, their usually happy baby grouchy and sleepy. Which was always the first sign that she was coming down with something. Theo had been ill the week before, a bug he’d picked up from school, and Aaron had naively hoped they’d managed to avoid it being passed on to the youngest Hotchner.

He sits on the side of the bed and spots light filtering out from under the ensuite door. He walks over, opening the door to find his wife laying back in the bath, Amelia dozing on her chest. Emily looks tired, a small smile on her face when she spots him. “Hey.” She rasps out, staying quiet so she doesn't wake their daughter.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Aaron walks in and kneels on the floor next to the bath. “Everything ok?”

“She woke up about an hour ago, she had a fever. I thought a lukewarm bath might bring it down, but she started to cry every time I tried to put her in here herself.” Emily says gently, placing a hand on Amelia’s forehead. “It’s come down a bit.”

“You should have woken me up.” He says, placing a hand on their daughter's back. “I’d have helped.”

“It’s ok, honey.” She says placing her hand over his. “You need your sleep, work has been rough on you lately.”

“Right.” He says, with a raised eyebrow. “Because your job is a piece of cake.” Aaron links their fingers and runs a thumb over her knuckles. “You don’t have to do it all on your own anymore, Em. I’m here now. We’re all here.”

She purses her lips together and nods at him. It was still her instinct sometimes to try and do it all by herself, especially anything to do with the kids. Memories of those months spent alone waiting for Foyet to be stopped were sharp, and sometimes it still took her breath away. How close they had come to losing everything.

“Can you take her?” She asks softly. “She should be fine for now.”

“Of course.” He lifts the toddler off of his wife's chest and wraps her in a towel. Amelia wakes almost immediately, grumbling at being removed from her mother. “Let’s go get you dressed sweetie.”

He takes Amelia to the nursery and puts a fresh diaper on her, and a thin sleepsuit. He frowns at the warmth still on her skin, and soothes her when she starts to cry again. “I know what you want, you want Mommy.” He lifts Amelia into his arms and kisses her forehead. “I don’t blame you, I always want her when I feel sick too.”

Emily is already in bed dressed in one of his shirts when he walks back into their bedroom. Amelia immediately reaches out for Emily, the little girl's face already scrunched up as she cries. He passes Amelia over, lets his wife take him into her arms. “Mama.”

“You’re ok, sweet girl.” Emily says, running a hand over the back of her daughter’s head. She kisses her forehead and frowns. “It’s gone down, but she’s still warm.”

“We’ll call the doctor if she’s still got a temperature in the morning.” He says. Emily nods, settling Amelia so she is resting against her chest. The little girl's favorite place to sleep when she was sick or sad. “Sweetheart, you aren’t going to get any sleep if she’s in here.”

“I know.” She replies, soothing the small coughs coming out of Amelia by rubbing her back. “I’ll get someone to drop some case files and paperwork here tomorrow, work from here until she’s better.”

“And if you get a case?”

She glares at him. “Then I’m sure the team can handle it without me. It’s not like they haven’t before.”

“Sweetheart-”

“I’m not leaving her if she’s sick, Aaron.” She says, her voice firm. “She only settles for me if she’s sick and I’m not putting either of you through that.”

He knew his wife somehow felt responsible for his delicate relationship with his daughter. Things were better now, so much better, but he couldn’t say it didn’t hurt when Ameila, or any of their kids, immediately reached for Emily when something was wrong. The six months they had spent alone together had formed a bond he loved, but that he was also, in his worst moments, jealous of.

He wants to argue, wants to say that eventually something would happen with one of the kids when she wasn’t there, but he knows this isn’t the time. That it can wait until it isn’t almost 4am and she has their feverish daughter pressed against her.

“It’s a good thing your boss is so understanding.”

Emily smiles at him. “Well, I do repay his understanding with blow jobs so I think it’s earned.” _________________

May 2024

Ameila was Emily through and through. It was something Aaron, and just about everyone they knew, said frequently. She looked like Emily. She had her nose, her dark eyes and hair, and the same smile that had always been able to convince Aaron to do just about anything. Amelia had inherited her fathers jawline and his seriousness, her frown, a pure ‘Hotch’ look that Penelope had often joked would serve her well in whatever she decided to do in the future.

She also had Emily’s attitude. A need to know everything, to push all the boundaries around her, that often drove Aaron to the edge of his sanity in a way neither of his sons ever had. Elizabeth often commented on how similar Amelia and Emily were, and he never missed the way she smirked at him when she said it.

Emily was fiercely protective of Amelia. Aaron knew it was because their daughter was the only one of their kids who didn’t remember the incident with Foyet. She was so small when it happened, only a few months old when her family was torn apart by the actions of a psychopath, and they were grateful for it. Jack and Theo still bore the scars of what happened, years of therapy had done them wonders, but it still surfaced at times, almost unexpectedly. Leading to Theo calling in the middle of the night, the now 21 year old plagued by nightmares that his mother was dead, only calmed down by the sound of her tired voice over the phone.

The first time Amelia really pushes the boundaries with her parents is when she comes home one day with her nose pierced. The ring in her nose was massive, big enough to allow for the swelling that would follow, drawing her parents attention to it immediately.

“What the hell is that in your nose?” Aaron asks, annoyance clear in his tone.

“It’s a nose ring, Dad.” Amelia answers, her eyes rolling as she hangs her keys up. “I got it done after school.”

“And who said you could do that?”

“It’s my nose. I didn’t realise I needed permission.”

“Ok.” Emily interrupts, placing a hand on her husband's arm to try and diffuse the situation. “I think what your dad is trying to say is that you should run this stuff past us, ok?”

Amelia scoffs. “Well it’s your nose I inherited, surely you understand why I wanted to do something to it.” She walks past her parents and goes up the stairs before the conversation can go any further. “I have homework.”

_________________

Aaron walks into their en-suite later that night to find Emily standing in front of the mirror scrutinising her appearance. He leant against the doorframe and watched as she turned her head side to side, running her finger down the slope of her nose. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at herself straight on again, her finger pressed into the tip.

“Em?”

She turns to look at him, taking her hand away from her nose as she does. He doesn’t miss the shy look on her face as she wrung her hands together. “Do you think my nose is weird?”

He frowns at her. “What? No.”

“I know it’s ridiculous. I’m 53 for fuck sake.” She mutters to herself.

He kisses the tip of her nose and she smiles at him. “You’re beautiful.”

“And you’re ridiculous.” She wraps her arms around him anyway, pulling him in for a kiss. “It will look better when she can switch to a smaller ring.”

“It will look better when she just takes it out.”

Emily laughs, shaking her head at him. “Come on, let's go to bed. Some of us have work in the morning.”

He raises an eyebrow at her as he always did when she referred to his early retirement, even though it had been years since he left the FBI. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

_________________

The casual mention of a boyfriend, a boy from Amelia’s art class called Chase, almost sends Aaron orbital. He manages to keep his opinions to himself until Amelia has gone to bed and he’s just in the kitchen with his wife, helping her with the dishes even though it was long ago established as her chore since she never cooked.

“She’s not that bad, Aaron.”

He scoffs at his wife. “She’s going to make me go grey.”

“Honey. Amelia is a teenage girl. A pretty well behaved one in comparison to what I was like.”

“Suddenly I feel a lot more sympathy for Elizabeth than I ever have before.” He mutters as he continues to put dishes away.

“What was that?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing, sweetheart.”

She narrows her eyes at him as she passes him another plate, patting his cheek with her spare hand. “You’re already grey, Aaron. It’s got nothing to do with the fact our daughter has a boyfriend. Or a nose ring.” _________________

Emily finally loses her cool two weeks later. They are eating dinner, just her, Amelia and Aaron, when she spots something on her daughter's wrist as she reaches for more salad. Emily grabs Amelia’s arm and pulls her sleeve back slightly to reveal a, admittedly very small, heart tattoo onto her daughter’s wrist. It was crude, slightly wonky and clearly not a professional one.

“What the hell is this?” She asks, staring her daughter down.

Amelia tears her arm out of her mother’s grasp and pulls her sleeve back down. “It’s a tattoo, Mom.”

“A tattoo? When did that happen?” Emily looks over at Aaron, who to her annoyance looked slightly amused that she was finally reacting like he had been all along.

“We did them at school.” Amelia answers, taking another bite of her dinner.

Emily’s initial reaction of telling her daughter how dangerous that was, how stupid, was drowned out by her overriding fear of who exactly had done this. “What do you mean ‘we’?”

“Chase and I did them. We have matching ones.” Amelia says, looking at her mother with a challenge on her face. “I don’t see what the big deal is Mom, you have tattoos.”

Emily glares at her husband when he chokes out a laugh at that, and he quickly excuses himself from the table. She turns back to her daughter. “Amelia, it really wasn’t very safe to do that. You have to let professionals do this kind of thing.”

Amelia rolls her eyes as she takes the final bite of her dinner. “Whatever.” She gets up from the table, already half out of the dining room before she speaks again. “I need to go FaceTime Chase.”

Emily puts her head in her hands as soon as she is alone. Her daughter was too much like her for her own good, independent and wilful almost to a fault. Emily loved that Amelia was like that, that she was so sure of herself in a way that Emily certainly hadn’t been at her age. She took it as a testament to her and Aaron’s parenting, but right now she was struggling with it. She just wanted to sit Amelia down and tell her that not everyone in the world had her best intentions at heart, and Emily had an increasingly sinking feeling that Chase was one of those people.

She blows out a breath and stands up, starting to collect the dishes from the evening meal. Emily hears her husband re-enter the room. “I’m going to get her some antiseptic cream to put on it. Who the hell knows where they got the needle they did it with from.”

“Emily-”

“She gave herself a matching tattoo with her boyfriend, Aaron.” She says, putting the dishes she had been holding back down on the dining room table. “They’ve been together for 8 weeks.”

He steps towards her and places his hands on her hips. “What was it you told me last week? That it will work itself out eventually.”

“She thinks she loves him, honey.” Emily lamented, allowing her husband to pull her into his arms. “And I know he’s going to break her heart.”

Aaron kisses her. “Sweetheart, we can’t protect her from that.” He kisses her again, cupping her cheek with his hand. “All we can do is be here for her if it happens.”

Emily rests her forehead on his chest. “Now who's being annoying ok about all of this?”

_________________

“This is where I found out I was pregnant with you.” Emily says offhandedly, a wistful smile on her face. It was so long ago now, but she still remembered the joy she had felt when she first saw Amelia on screen. The baby she had always been told she couldn’t have was now this amazing person she couldn’t imagine her life without.

Emily looks at her daughter when she doesn’t get a response, and she stops herself from laughing when she sees how pointedly Amelia is ignoring her. “Oh really, Mom?” She says to herself. “That’s so interesting.”

“Mom, I cannot believe you are doing this.” Amelia seethes, looking at the floor of the clinic they were in. Embarrassment coming off of her in waves. “This is so embarrassing.”

Emily rolls her eyes, and bites back a comment about how if she found birth control embarrassing then she should think twice about having sex. “I just want you to be safe, ok? You’ve got a boyfriend now and whilst I am not exactly delighted at the idea of you having sex.” She says, not missing how her daughter grimaces. “I don’t want you to take any chances.”

“Amelia Hotchner?”

Emily and Amelia look up to see Joanne standing at the door to her office looking expectantly at them. Emily smiles at her, Amelia does not, and the latter sighs as she stands up. She takes a few steps towards Joanne, only pausing when she realises her mother isn’t following her.

“Well you may as well come in. This was your idea after all.” Amelia says, annoyance colouring her tone. Emily sees past it, spotting the way her daughter nervously wrings her hands, fingers digging at her cuticles in a way she had picked up from her.

“Of course, sweetie.” She stands and walks up to her daughter, and guides her into Joanne’s office with a gentle hand on her back.

_________________

“You did what??” Aaron asks, seething, as they get ready for bed side by side in their ensuite. He turns to her, a disbelieving look on his face.

“I took her to get birth control.” Emily answers around her toothbrush, spitting into the sink. She rinses it and places it next to his in the holder.

“Why?” He is glaring at her, and she's suddenly more glad than ever that she hadn’t broached this subject with him until after Amelia had a packet of pills sitting in her bathroom cabinet, with very explicit instructions on the importance of taking it correctly from both Emily and Joanne. “Is she sleeping with him?”

“I don’t even know if she is having sex yet. But you know these things happen. I bought the boys condoms when they were teenagers.” She purposely misses out that she had also bought Amelia condoms, thinking that admission might make her husband's head explode. “I wanted to make sure she takes precautions if she takes that step.”

“She’s 15, Emily.”

“Yeah, and so was I.” She closes her eyes and sighs, turning to look at her husband as she crosses her arms across her chest. She looks at him and bites her lip, trying to figure out what she’s been wanting to say. “Aaron, I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to her.”

Emily can see the moment it registers in his head. The way his brow unfurls, his whole body unclenching as the anger seeps out of him, replaced by concern for her. He takes a step towards her. “Sweetheart…”

She shakes her head at herself, wiping a stray tear away that had fallen at the admission. “She deserves better than that.”

He sighs as he drags her into a hug, one she gladly returns, wrapping her arms around his back. “You deserved better than that too.”

Emily buries her face into his neck, breathes in the scent of him that had comforted her for more than half her life. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” _________________

Three days later it becomes a non issue. Amelia is out with friends, and Chase, leaving Aaron and Emily with the house to themselves.

Emily is sitting in her husband's lap on their couch. His hands up her shirt and his tongue in her mouth, when she hears it. A car door slamming on edge of her consciousness, someone running up the steps of their porch. She pulls back from Aaron, the dazed look on his face surely matching the one on her own. “Did you hear that?” She breathes out.

They hear a key in the door and break apart like they’ve burnt each other, both standing as the front door opens.

Amelia bursts in, tears streaming down her face. She drops her bag at the front door, her school things abandoned in the foyer of their home, and as soon as her eyes land on Emily her face crumbles. The steady stream of tears turning into sobs. “Mom.”

“Amelia?” She closes the gap between them, concern for her daughter overriding anything else, any lingering hopes she had of alone time with her husband gone in an instant. Amelia is in her arms in seconds, clawing at her shirt to try and get as close as possible. She buries her face into Emily’s shoulder and weeps. Emily cups the back of her daughter’s head, and runs her other hand up and down her back. “Oh sweetheart, it’s ok.” She soothes. “You’ll be ok.”

Emily exchanges a concerned look with Aaron over the top of their daughter's head and she shakes her head at him slightly when he takes a step towards them, silently asking him to leave it to her. He understands, just like he always had, and leaves them to it despite wanting to know exactly what has upset Amelia this much.

“Mia, honey.” She says gently, hand still tangled in her daughter's dark hair. She tries to pull back slightly, cupping Amelia’s cheek, but she holds on to her tighter, sobs still tearing out of her throat. “Let’s move over to the couch, ok?”

Amelia nods against her but doesn’t separate herself from her mother at all. Emily carefully guides her over to the couch and sits down. Amelia curls into her, wrapping herself around her in a way she hadn’t done in years. Emily wraps her arms around her, and whispers random words of comfort into her daughter's hair.

“Sweetheart.” She says gently, pulling away enough that she can cup Amelia’s face in her hands. She wipes tears away from her cheeks with her thumbs. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, not until you’re ready, but I need to know if you’re hurt.”

Amelia shakes her head. “Not hurt.” She says, her words choked by her tears. She leans back into Emily, pressing her face into her neck.

“Ok, sweet girl.” Emily says the old nickname, one she hadn’t used since Amelia was 9 and turned her nose up at it, slipping out without thinking. She presses a kiss on her daughter's head. “I’m right here.”

It takes almost 30 minutes for Amelia to calm down, for her sobs to dissipate into sniffs and a hoarseness in her throat as she takes in ragged breaths. “He broke up with me.”

Emily frowns, holding her daughter impossibly tighter. “What?”

“Chase broke up with me.” Amelia says, pulling back so she could look at Emily properly. “He said I was boring.”

Emily covers her reaction to that, keeping her surprise away from her face. Boring was not a word she would have ever used to describe Amelia. She tucks some of Amelia’s hair behind her ear. “I’m so sorry, baby. I know you really liked him.”

Amelia snuggles back down into her, sniffing as she lays her head on Emily's shoulder. Emily runs her hand through her daughter's hair, soothing her as she finishes calming down. “What do you want to do?” Emily asks. “We could get Dad to go out and get Taco Bell.”

Amelia chokes out a laugh but shakes her head. “I think I just want to go to bed.”

“Whatever you want.” _________________

Aaron is pacing their bedroom when she enters it, softly closing the door behind her. He stops and looks at her, an expectant look on his face.

“He broke up with her.” Emily says. “She is heartbroken.” She hears how her own voice breaks as she tells him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like that.” She shakes her head at herself. “The worst thing is when she told me what happened I felt relieved. She’s sitting there absolutely hysterical and I’m relieved?”

Aaron closes the distance between them and hugs her. “You’re a fantastic mom, Em. I won’t let you believe anything other than that.”

She chokes out a laugh, somehow still surprised after all these years that he was able to guess what was really bothering her without her saying it outloud. “You’re a pretty great dad yourself, Mr Hotchner.” Emily lets herself relax in her husband’s embrace for a little longer, she pulls back and looks up at him. “I’m going to go in and sleep with her tonight.”

“Ok, sweetheart.” He kisses her quickly before letting her go so she can get ready for bed. He watches as she pulls on pyjama pants and a soft t-shirt that once belonged to him.

Aaron admires his wife as she takes off her makeup from the day and puts her dark hair up, smiling as he catches sight of some grey flecks that she hates as she twists it into a bun. She never believes him when he says it, but he thinks she's more beautiful now than she was when they first met all those years ago. Emily had always been beautiful, from the 22 year old she was when they first met. Teasing smiles and flirty comments as she coaxed him out to a bar with her.

Emily always lamented aging, wondering where the time had gone. More self conscious now than she had been the entire time he had known her. All he saw in lines on her face that she thought made her look old was all the laughter and joy they’d had over the years. She was softer now, her hips wider, evidence that she had given him two of their children that made him find her even more attractive. The grey flecks in her hair, that he knew she’d get dyed again soon, that showed him just how long they had loved each other.

They had been together 31 years and sometimes Aaron felt every moment of it, every single thing that had happened to them since she kissed him at one of her mother’s events. It somehow also had passed in the blink of an eye, decades gone in seconds and he was still somehow lucky enough to have her by his side.

“You’re staring.” She says, pulling him out of his thoughts with an amused look on her face and a teasing tone to her voice.

He pulls her into his arms again, kisses her cheek, then her nose. Making her laugh as she tries to squirm away from him. “You’re beautiful.”

Emily rolls her eyes at him. “You’re ridiculous.” _________________

Ameila smiles shakily at her mother as she walks into her room. Emily walks over to her bed and climbs in on the spare side, settling down for the night. She lays on her side and looks at Amelia, tucking some hair behind her ear. “How are you doing, sweetie?”

Amelia sniffs, suppressing a sarcastic laugh. “I’ve been better.” She settles into her mother’s side, resting her head on her shoulder. In the darkness of her bedroom, with Emily’s arms wrapped tightly around her, she finally feels like she can admit the truth. “It’s because I wouldn’t have sex with him.”

“What do you mean?”

Amelia closes her eyes as she catches the tone in her mother’s voice, the dangerous edge to it that she was so rarely on the receiving end of. She had only ever really overheard it when she was talking to someone about work over the phone, or one the rare occasion her parents had a full blown row, their angry voices soon turning into other noises that Amelia thanked whoever was listening for the invention of noise cancelling headphones.

“That’s why he broke up with me.” Amela says, feeling tears build back up in her eyes. “Because I wouldn’t sleep with him.”

She feels her mother’s hold on her tighten, and the sharp intake of breath that she takes beneath her head. Emily kisses the top of her head. “You’re ok, sweetheart. Go to sleep.”

Amelia drifts off to the feel of her mother stroking her hair, something she hadn’t had happen since she was younger. She was surprised to realise how much she had missed it, regret for how she had started to rebuff her mother’s affection a few years back building in her chest. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too.” Another kiss to the top of her head. “Now get some sleep.”

She falls asleep, completely unaware of how Emily laid awake for hours, anger for a teenage boy she had only met once burning through her veins until she came up with a plan. _________________

Emily wakes in the morning to the sound of Amelia’s door opening. She opens her eyes to see her husband standing there, a takeout coffee holder in his hand, and an unsure look on his face.

She smiles at him as she sits up in bed and beckons him in. He switches the light on, which immediately wakes Amelia, her groans the first indication that she was up.

“Morning, sweetheart.” Aaron says kissing his wife before sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Morning.” She murmurs against his lips, before lifting the coffee she knew was intended for her. Cold brew with enough sweetener in it to rot your teeth.

“You guys suck.” Amelia groans from below the comforter, voice still thick with sleep.

Emily chuckles. “I think you’ll change your mind when you see what your dad has brought you.”

Amelia lifts the comforter from off of her face and shoots up when she sees her favourite frappuccino in her fathers hands. “Dad, you are the best.” She takes a sip and moans, the sugar hitting her tongue. “No wonder Mom has put up with you so long.”

Aaron laughs, glad to see that she seemed her usual self after how devastated she had been the night before. “Are you ok, Mia?”

She smiles at her dad, a shaky thing that was always the first indicator from his wife and daughter that tears were on the horizon. “I will be.” ______________

Emily’s first thought is to set Penelope on Chase. Let her hack into his social media accounts and digitally ruin his life for upsetting her little girl. For trying to pressure her into something she didn’t want to do. She knew Penelope would do it without a second thought. She was the most trusted confidant of all of the younger Hotchner's outside of their parents. Jack had asked for her help planning his over the top proposal to his now wife. Theo had come out to her first, a nervous teenager in her office asking for help on how he could tell his parents. Amelia went to her for advice on everything from boys to elaborate hairstyles, and Penelope gently discouraged her from dying her hair bright purple when she was 13, knowing it would have given Aaron an aneurysm.

Emily was finishing getting ready for work, Amelia already on her way to school, as she started to formulate a text to her friend, a cryptic request to come see her as soon as she got to work, when Aaron snuck up on her in the kitchen.

“You can’t get Penelope to ruin his life.”

Emily jumps, cursing under her breath. “Damn it, Aaron.” She turns to look at him, a sheepish look on her face. “I wasn’t planning on doing anything of the sort.”

“Oh really?” He raises an eyebrow at her. “You weren’t thinking of having her hack all of his social media accounts and freeze his bank account?”

Emily flushes and puts her phone down on the counter. “I can’t just let him get away with it.”

Aaron smiles at her and pulls her towards him with his hands on her hips. “Baby, this is something we have to let her deal with ok?” He kisses her cheek, his smile deepening as she narrows her eyes at him. “No getting Penelope involved.”

“Fine.”

Plan B it was. _________________

Emily is never happier than when she has all of her family in her house. The boys were coming round for dinner, Jack and his wife Sara and Theo and his new boyfriend Zach, someone he had met at college. Theo texted her that morning, a list of strict instructions of things that absolutely couldn’t happen the first time Zach was meeting the family.

She had just let them in, hugging her son fiercely as he walked in and feeling love bloom in her chest when he hugged her back just as tightly, no embarrassment at giving his mother this affection in front of Zach.

She lets him go and turns to the young man standing next to her son. “You must be Zach, I’m Emily.”

He shakes her hand, a nervous smile on his face. “Nice to meet you.”

Amelia bursts into the house, slamming the front door behind her, and immediately breaks the first rule on Theo’s list. “Мама, какого хрена?”

“Не сейчас, милая. У нас гости. И не ругайся.” Emily replies, tilting her head towards where Theo and Zach were standing.

“Ты должен был подумать об этом, прежде чем угрожать моему бывшему парню!”

Zach leans in to Theo, a confused look on his face. “Are they speaking Russian?”

Theo sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as he did so, and looks at his boyfriend. “Yes.” He turns to his mother. “Ne pouvons-nous pas le faire? C'est la première fois que Zach rencontre tout le monde.”

Amelia rolls her eyes and Emily smiles at Theo. “Je suis désolé, chérie. On va bien se comporter.”

“Are you speaking French?” Zach asks, looking even more confused at the complete nonchalonce all of the Hotchner’s were showing at the multiple languages being thrown around as if it was nothing. The slight look of amusement on Aaron’s face as he walked into the room. “How many languages does your mom speak?”

Theo grabs his boyfriend's hand and leads him further into the house, away from the rest of the family. “Six. Seven if you include English.” _________________

Emily eyes Sara curiously when she turns down wine with her dinner, a small look passes between her and Jack when she asks for soda instead. Emily shares a similar look with her own husband, a look on his face saying he had spotted what she had too, and she gladly gets an alternative drink for her daughter-in-law.

Amelia sulks all the way through dinner. Rebuffing her brother’s questions about school, a glare fixed on her mother almost the entire time. It’s when she refuses her favourite dessert, cheesecake, that her brother’s interest is piqued.

“Mills.” Theo asks, amusement on his face at his sister’s behaviour. “What’s up with you?”

“Why don’t you ask Mom?” She said, pointedly looking at her mother. “Мама пытается разрушить мою жизнь, вот в чем дел��.”

“I did not try and ruin your life, Amelia.” She says, rolling her eyes at her daughter's dramatics. She looks at her sons and their respective partners. “All I did was have a conversation with the boy who made Amelia cry herself to sleep a couple of days ago.”

“Yeah. By explaining that you’re a Section Chief at the FBI, whilst you had your gun and badge on display.” Amelia exclaims.

There was a moment of silence at the table before it descended into laughter, confusion all over Zach’s face on whatever he had walked into.

“Oh sweetheart.” Aaron says, looping his arm around the back of her chair to place a hand on her shoulder. “Not again.”

Amelia frowns, looking at her parents in shock. “Not again? What the hell does that mean?”

“Mom’s crazy, Millie.” Theo says, a laugh bursting out of him.

“Hey, I resent that.” Emily says, sinking back into her chair slightly, glaring at Aaron when he laughs at her and kisses the side of her head.

Jack gives Emily a look with his eyebrows raised before looking back at his sister. “My first ever girlfriend broke up with me the day before homecoming, Mom scared the absolute shit out of her by showing up at her cheerleading practise the following day. She somehow managed to mention that Dad once killed a guy with his bare hands.”

“Your dad did what?” Zach asks, leaning in to Theo who just shook his head. A silent promise that he’d explain later.

“In my defence.” Emily says, crossing her arms across her chest, a slight flush to her face. “This one was really sick at the time and I was pretty sleep deprived.” She says pointing at Amelia. “I wasn’t entirely in control of my emotions, and you were just so sad.”

“She also made me very aware of what she does for a living when Jack and I first moved in together.” Sara pipes up, nothing but amusement on her face when she looks at her mother-in-law. She turns back to Amelia. “I think it’s sweet.”

Amelia shakes her head at them all and turns to Zach. “Run whilst you still can.” __________________

Emily closes the door behind Jack and Sara as they leave, promises of getting together soon uttered in between lingering hugs.

“Mom?”

Emily turns to see Amelia standing behind her, her hands in her pockets as she avoids her mother’s gaze. It’s the calmest she’s looked all evening, any frustration she had towards her and her actions having melted away.

“Look, I’m sorry, Amelia.” She says taking a step towards her daughter. “I know I probably shouldn’t have done that. But you were so upset, and he deserved to-”

Her ranting is cut off by Amelia throwing her arms around her waist and placing her head on her shoulder. “Thank you.”

Emily smiles and hugs her daughter back, kissing the top of her head as she pulls her closer. “You’re welcome, sweetie.”

“I always thought it would be Dad, or Theo or Jack who went after a boy for me.” She says against her mother’s shirt before she pulls away. “At least I can tell any future guys that my mom is crazy.” _________________

Emily turns to lay on her side as Aaron joins her in bed, she smiles at him and pushes some hair off of his forehead before running her blunt nails over his temples, the mix of dark and grey hair rasping as she goes. “When do you think Jack and Sara are going to tell us she’s pregnant?”

A laugh peels out of Aaron before he leans forward and kisses her, pulling back only to press his forehead against hers. “Whenever they are ready.”

Emily shifts so her back is against him and pulls his arm over her waist, sighing when he settles his chest against her. “You’d think they’d learn they can’t hide anything from us.”

He kisses the top of her head and holds her a little tighter. “We’ve got some pretty great kids.”

“We really do.”

“You have got to stop threatening anyone who hurts them though.”

“Sure, love.” She says, pulling his hand up to her lips to kiss his knuckles. “I’ll stop.”

They both know she won’t.

#hotchniss #Hotchniss fan fic #hotchniss fan fiction #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner x emily prentiss #WTB Universe #Day-to-Day #it's just fluff guys #family fluff #domestic fluff #just them living their lives #which frankly they deserve #after what I put them through in ITSWM

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chromehevrts · 4 years ago

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖

𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚐𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝: 𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : hey, what's up everybody, we live baby, HOT 97 THE GATTI SHOW, and today we have a very special guest in the building, DAVE EAST. how you doing today, DAVE?

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : Ayo...what's good ya'll and Im doing alright, how you been? Thanks for having me.

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : i'm feeling great and super excited to have you here today, so thank you for stopping by. i always wanted to have you as the guest at my show because hey, it's NEW-YORK baby and let's face facts, you're one of those new school artists who represents NY. at what age you've figured out you want to do music?

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : Shit, honestly music was a last resort for me. I went to college and tried to play ball, but shit ain't go how i want. So I sat down and was like shit, what else can I do and niggas was like rap. So I was like aigh, I took on the name rebel and started to push my pen at like 18 or suttin.. So it was either do music and make something outta myself or trap. I went with music, cause shit i had a backup plan if that shit aint work.

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : i'm sorry it didn't really go as you planned it with basketball, but UNIVERSE had some other plans for you. i think young people should look up at you, like hey, things might not go the way you want them to be, so you have to dust yourself and try again or find something even better. like you did. what inspires you when you write your lyrics? or it's more a freestyle like process?

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : Shit, I mean life inspires me... like the shit that goes on around me and my niggas inspire me. I shit I do a little of both, I can freestyle but half the time I like to sit down, smoke and get what i gots to say on paper. I be in the studio from 8pm to 4am mostly every night. But back to what you was saying, when you come from a struggle you gonna do what you gotta do to make it, like I was watching niggas I played ball with get drafted into the NBA. That shit is what motivated me to do something. I ain't want to be the failure watching these niggas living they best life.

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : when people scroll through social media, they think all the diamond chains and fancy cars come easy, as if the famous card is unlimited credit card and you don't have do anything for it. no one really thinks about how much you put into work, staying in the studio all night long, tours, shows. i'll have a nerve to compare music industry, and show business in general, with a basketball court. either you sweat and play, or, sit your ass on the bench. and music is not the only thing you do, you're also a business owner and now, a reality tv-show star. hello cast mate, how ya doiiin'? but hey, CONCRETE JUNGLE baby. how did you came up with an idea that you do want to participate in the show?

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : I mean... the money. I figured since I'm already doing a TV show and this won't mess with that, why not. I got people I need to take of so doing this show is to help them out to at the end of the day. But I have a few business ventures Im into and that I do, so I'm getting checks in multiple areas. You can't depend on making music forever, you don't wanna get burned out like RIHANNA's ass did. Thats something I always tell starting artist. Like ye treat yoself but sure you invest into some shit and build some shit for yourself.

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : and just like that, straight forward and without any fake reasons to get sympathy and attention. DAVE be like yes bitch, it's about the money, so who's going to check me? i love it here. and you are right, once you get your first bag, why not to make more bags out of it? i'm glad you're looking out for the youngsters, but i don't blame them, when you get those figures first it definitely can blow your mind. but let's talk about the show a little bit. are you familiar with other cats mates? do you have any expectations from this project?

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : I mean I ain't familiar with all them, but I have met a few and they groupies and shit. I don't know, like its still early to tell, but im just tryna have my fans see more of me than they do already. I just hope the show don't edit me too much cause they will notice the difference.

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : since MONA SCOTT has nothing to do with the new production team, let's hope for the best. i'd hate to see some words or actions dragged out of context. okay, moving to the next one. i bet most of the guys would like to know the secret recipe of DAVE EAST's charm, because we all know a lot of ladies consider you as their celebrity crush, along with MICHAEL B JORDAN and ODELL BECKHAM. is there any secret to it and how does it feels to have if not all, then a lot of eyes on you? now i know ladies gonna perk their ears up right now in a hope to hear if they have any chance and what not.

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : I mean i don’t discriminate so as long as you keep my attention and you cool. You got a chance..and at first the shit felt weird cause i always had some attention on me but to now have woman that look like models be like oh yeah let’s fuck be on me. I ain’t know how to handle it. Then at the same time it’s annoying cause then you get woman that get jealous and mad at me for no reasons.

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : a blessing and a curse at the same time, isn't it? so ladies, respect some boundaries and privacy before showering DAVE with your love. but, let's hop back to the topic of you being on the show. a few days ago there was this shooting at the club where you and other cast members happened to be at. do you have anything to say about it?

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : I mean i left before the shooting happened cause some nigga and the club discriminated against me. But the shit was wild, i was outside when it first started. I hope everyone but the niggas that tried me is aigh. Fuck them dick succas.

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : well, and you know we on air and our audience is pretty, let's say huge. so if the club attendance will go low out of sudden they better not act surprised because you don't have to discriminate anyone. we're glad you made it out safe. and the final question will be, DAVE EAST and MARION, is it the same person or it's more like alter ego thing, like BEYONCE and SASHA FIERCE?

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : Nah it’s the same person i don’t do that witch craft ass shit. The niggas that bump my shit wouldn’t be listening to me if i did that shit. You feel me?

𝐍𝐎𝐋𝐈 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈 : you made it clear as a day. thank you so much for blessing THE GATTI SHOW with your appearance, DAVE. it was really nice to learn a little bit more about you, but is there anything else you'd like to share with your fans, you know, maybe some things to get off your chest?

𝐃𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐓 : I said all i had to say, but fuck CAVALI or whatever it called and a nigga named VONTE. But karma 3 comes out august 14th so check that out and look out for the EP i got with my boy millyz coming out too. Peace.

#. ♡ 𝖈𝖍𝖗𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖘 ⁺ ╱ i n t e r v i e w * .

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maybxnks · 5 years ago

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panicked - kiaraxreader

summary: y/n and kie hash out feelings that they should’ve years ago.

pairing: kiaraxreader

warnings: underage drinking, smoking, cussing, some angst and fluff sorta, mentions of sex

a/n: hello. this is the first time i’ve ever written anything on here so please go easy on me. also it’s 4am so if there’s mistakes i apologize. i’ll probably rewrite this at some point but anyways enjoy!!

give kie a girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!

____________________________________________________

You weren’t sure how you spotted her through the crowded area of Kooks, Pogues and tourists that littered the beach, but you did. And you wanted to fucking cry. You haven’t seen her since she ran out of your life almost two years ago.

She looked good, hell she always looked good. She was always effortlessly beautiful and you still weren’t sure how she even gave you the time of day. The orange hues from the fire she was sitting at was making her face glow, just like it used to when the morning sun cast over her when she was sleeping in your bed. And her untamed, curly, dark hair was softly blowing from the wind that the waves caused.

She was sitting with a group of five, two of them being the infamous Sarah Cameron and John Booker Routledge. The two lovers went missing at sea a year ago and just recently returned to The Outer Banks. To say the whole island was in shock would be an understatement. No one had heard a word from them the entire time they were gone and they just showed up like nothing had happened, like everyone didn’t think they were dead.

“Y/N! Are you ok?” Your best friend asked.

“Hmm? Yeah. Sorry just lost in my own thoughts.” You responded peeling your eyes away from the girl you once used to love.

She studied you for a moment not really believing you. She had been watching you stare at the girl for a while but decided it was best not to bring it up. “Come on, let’s go dance.” she said grabbing your hand that wasn’t holding the plastic red cup full of cheap beer.

Letting her pull you away from your spot near the keg you stole one more longing glance.

You weren’t sure how long you two had been dancing but you knew you needed another beer seeing as how your cup was now empty.

“I’ll be back, need a refill.” You said holding up the cup shaking it slightly.

The girl just waved you off since she had now gained the attention of a random tourist.

Laughing you turned and started to tread back to the keg. The table now occupied by John B, Sarah, Kie and a blonde and dark skinned boy you didn’t know the names of. You were hoping not to have to run into her the rest of the night but God seemed to hate you.

Sighing you walked up and had put on your best smile, praying no one noticed how uncomfortable you were.

“Hi Y/N! Need a refill?” John B. asked.

“Yes please.” You smiled at him sending a small wave to Sarah who gladly returned it.

“So the Bahamas huh?” You joked, trying to start up a conversation with the modern day Romeo and Juliet. Minus the dying part obviously.

Unknowing to you Kiara had tensed as soon as she heard your name. The girl had noticed you earlier when the group had arrived. You were smiling and laughing with a girl she didn’t know and her heart ached. She wanted to go over and talk to you but she knew you didn’t want to see her. Not that she blamed you, she had left without any explanation and refused to answer your many texts and calls.

Pope and JJ had noticed the girls mood change. JJ had put a hand on her arm gaining her attention. “Yo Kie you okay?” He asked.

“Mhmm.” The girl hummed trying to hide her face in her beer bottle. JJ and Pope though didn’t believe that. “You sure? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” JJ joked trying to ease her now weird mood.

“Yep.” Kie replied, trying to listen in on the conversation happening right behind her in hopes of hearing your laugh.

“Whatever you say.” JJ said turning to the other three that were deep in conversation.

Kie took another huge gulp from her beer, trying to gain the confidence to turn around and actually face you.

When her beer was gone she had finally turned around to see you and JJ introducing yourselves. JJ not so discreetly hitting on you, instantly putting her in a sour mood. Rolling her eyes with a huff Kiara walked over and threw her arm around the blonde boys shoulders.

“JJ, stop hitting on every girl you see. The girl clearly ins’t interested.” She said finally looking at you in the eyes for the first times in years.

Raising your brows with an amused look on your face. “Who said that?” You questioned turning from the blondes face to hers.

You were pissed, but you were trying not to show it. How dare she walk over here and act like nothing happened between you two, like she didn’t even know your name.

Fine, she wanted to play that game then you could too.

Rolling her eyes again she threw her arm off JJ and crossed them over her chest. “I did.”

Keeping eye contact with her you raised the cup to your mouth to mask the slight smirk on your face.

“Still got that dolphin tattoo?” You asked innocently. The group of friends all raised their eyebrows, confused on how you knew about her secret tattoo.

“Oh, fuck you.” She spat, bawling her hands into fists letting them fall to her sides.

“Hmm, I’ll take that as a yes.” You hummed. “Anyways nice talking to you guys but I gotta go save my friend from getting an STD from some frat boy.” You said turning away from them and treading down the beach with a smile on your face, happy at the fact that you had gotten her as angry as you were.

Once you were out of their sight, the four turned to Kiara.

“Ok what the fuck was that?” JJ asked.

They had never seen their friend that upset and angry.

“Nothing, I was trying to help her out by saving her from you but she clearly wasn’t grateful.” She said trying to calm herself down.

“Nope not buying it. Tell us what happened.” Sarah said. If there was one thing Kie knew about Sarah it was that she was never going to stop bugging her until she finally snapped.

“Fine. Fine.” She said running her hands through her curls in frustration. “You guys remember when I had my kook year?”

The group nodded.

“Well when Sarah had that party and didn’t invite me I took a walk on the beach trying to distract myself. I met Y/N on the beach, she was smoking and asked if I wanted to hit it so I did, obviously. Next thing I know, I’d smoked two joints with her and ended up telling her all about my problems. She listened and just let me vent to her. By the end of my story she pulled out her phone and called the police telling them about the party.” Kiara explained looking at Sarah with an apologetic look.

“From then on we hung out everyday. We went surfing, shopping, went to the movies. I practically lived with her for months. Hell she even gave me my tattoo.” Kiara said throwing her arms up.

“One night we were watching a movie and next thing I know she kissed me.” She smiled at the memory. “It was new and exciting.” She trailed off sadly looking down at her feet.

“But I got scared. I just remember waking up and looking at her sleeping, she just looked so beautiful and.. and I knew she deserved better than me. Someone who wasn’t scared of loving her and could do so without disappointing their parents. So I left, I snuck out of her bed and never went back.” She said. “That was almost two years ago.” She finished.

Sarah walked around the table and hugged her. Kie hadn’t realized she had tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“I think you should go talk to her.” She said rubbing her hands up and down her back to comfort her.

“Yeah I should.” She agreed, pulling out of the hug to wipe her face.

“Wait, you got it on with a hot girl and didn’t even tell us? Selfish.” JJ said with a look of hurt.

Kiara laughed, happy that JJ’s dumbass comment easily lifted the mood without even trying.

“Go talk to her.” Pope said with a small push in the direction the other girl went.

“Seriously? Are we not gonna talk about this? I want details!” JJ yelled after the girl, throwing his hands up in dismay.

He was quickly shut up by John B smacking the back of his head.

“Hey you wanna leave? It’s almost 1am and I’m honestly not in the mood to party anymore.” You said pulling your friend from the conversation she was having with the dark haired male she was dancing with earlier.

“I think I’m gonna stay for a bit.” She smiled while looking at the boy she was definitely going to be sneaking through her window later.

“Are you okay?” She asked once she noticed your sad expression and your arms wrapped around you trying to make yourself smaller.

“Yeah I’m good. Just tired.” You reassured. “I’ll let you get back to it.” You said with a smile pointing at the boy.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, have fun. Wear protection!” You shouted with a playful smile making your way up the beach to head home.

Making your way past the crowd you were stopped by a hand on your arm.

“Y/N! Wait!”

Closing your eyes you let out a huff of annoyance.

“What?” You asked turning around to face the person stopping you from crashing in your bed.

“Can we talk please?” Kiara asked slowly moving her hand off your arm.

“Sure!” You said with fake enthusiasm. “You wanna start with you leaving me naked in bed after I finally had the courage to make a move? Or do you wanna talk about you being jealous and rude when I was simply talking to your friends? What about you pretending like you didn’t know who I was or what you did to me?” You shouted.

No one seemed to notice though as the music around the beach was loud, drowning you out.

Kie winced looking down at her feet. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“Sorry? You’re sorry?” You asked in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me?” you laughed bitterly.

“Look, can you just let me explain.”

“No! I don’t want to hear it anymore. I wanted a reason years ago not now!”

Kiara still wouldn’t look you in the eyes. Finding her pale yellow vans more interesting at the moment. Huffing you turned on your heels determined to leave before you got even more pissed.

“I was scared because I was falling in love with you.” Kiara spoke softly.

You froze.

“Everything with you felt so good and I panicked. I panicked because I’ve never felt like that about someone. I panicked because I was scared of what my parents would think once they found out. They already hated me for going back to the pogues and I didn’t want to be anymore of a disappointment to them” She was now in front of you, looking between your eyes for any sort of emotion. Tears were starting to cloud both of your eyes. “Which is stupid because when I told them I liked girls too they didn’t even bat an eye. They just said they would always love me and it didn’t matter who I wanted to be with.” she trailed off.

“Leaving you that day was the worst decision I’ve ever made. I thought I didn’t deserve you, I still don’t. You’re this perfect person, inside and out and I didn’t want to ruin you.” She smiled sadly. “And I just wish you didn’t hate me anymore.”

You laughed grabbing her face with both hands and wiping her tears away. “No matter what you do, I could never hate you.” You smiled. “Even if I wanted to.”

“Really?” she looked at you and your bright smile.

“Really. Wanna know why?”

Before she could answer you crashed your lips together. She didn’t even hesitate to kiss back, grabbing your neck with one hand and snaking her other one around your waist to keep you close. Everything around you faded away. You couldn’t hear the loud music playing, the waves, not even her friends cheering you two on in the distance. Nothing in that moment mattered, except her.

Sighing you pulled away with a smile on your face.

Kiara slowly opened her eyes, dazed from feeling your lips on hers again.

“Wanna stay the night?” You asked, biting your lip to try and contain the huge smile that was trying to escape.

“Do you even need to ask?”

Giving her one more quick kiss, you intertwined your hands and pulled her in the direction of your house.

“Hope you know you aren’t getting any sleep tonight. We’ve got a lot of making up to do.”

#kiara carrera #kiara x reader #kiara outer banks #kiara obx #kiara carrera x reader #kie x reader #kie obx #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank #pope outer banks #sarah cameron #john b #john booker routledge #my work

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yunatheintrovert · 4 years ago

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that one time in Kandahar | Bell/Belikov Soviet-Afghan War AU one-shot

You sighed, staring down at the many empty shot glasses of vodka in front of you. His presence against you was a comforting, familiar one as you leaned against him with your legs touching his. Your vision blurred ever so often under the flickering lamps hanging over the bar.

The flames erupting from one shot of vodka set alight by the enthusiastic Afghan bartender blurred into the scorching flames greedily consuming the wreckage of the armored APC downed by the dushmani.

That was one you and your unit hadn’t been able to save.

And then there was the news when you got back.

Another Mi-24 gunship on a convoy escort mission had been shot down over the Hindu Kush mountains, a region your unit would soon be moved to patrol over. The crew of the crashed gunship hadn’t survived. The pilot opted to pull the pin of his one grenade over the possibility of capture.

You couldn’t blame him.

Blinking away the orange blurs in your vision, you sighed once more. Routine missions like that could easily go so wrong. All it took was one lucky shot by the dushmani with their accursed Stingers the Americans handed out like candy-

Resting your head against his shoulder, you glanced up at your companion.

If it came down to it, you preferred to go out in the initial fiery impact of the crash. Still, that was selfish...

“Please don’t die,” you murmured before leaning closer-

Warm chapped lips brushed against your own with the familiar scent of vodka and aviation kerosene greeting you like an old friend-

You blinked, staring up into those gunmetal blue eyes.

Like an old friend, the words echoed in your mind.

You vaguely heard the sound of breath hitching in surprise.

The vodka, you distantly thought while you pulled away from him, was really helpful.

Even in the cool Afghan air of Kandahar, your cheeks heated as did your lips oddly enough.

It was the vodka.

Before you could stumble over an apology, Dimitri abruptly pulled away from you, suddenly calling out for another round of vodka. You stared at the tan fabric of his Afghanka winter coat as his back faced you.

You only meant to give him a kiss on the cheek.

...And was the kiss really that bad for him?

“Sorry, Mitya,” you murmured before looking back down at your shot glass dejectedly-

“ДА!” Charkov suddenly exclaimed beside you, shaking his fist in the air, “You hear that, Gusev? I won the bet! I told you it would happen before Kabul. You owe me seven packs of Marlboros, my friend-”

“Nyet, nyet!” Gusev vehemently denied, leaning forward against the wooden counter of the bar. He slammed his shot glass down, “It was one-sided. It does not count!”

You dazedly glanced between the two, only registering the word “one-sided” with a wince. Dejectedly, you looked down once more. You didn’t mean to ruin the night for Mitya and yourself…

“Comrade,” Charkov suddenly said lowly, grasping the Mi-24 gunner’s shoulder as he leaned closer with a smile befitting that of a zampolit, “We made no such rule.”

Gusev gulped before nervously laughing, “But you know my friend...There are other fish in the sea for young Bell there. Like that Spetsnaz captain-”

You didn’t know what exactly happened right then and there. One moment, Gusev was looking up at Charkov with a placating smile, the next, his face suddenly paled as Charkov stared down at him.

You blinked.

Before you could ask if the caviar went down wrong for Gusev, he hastily looked away, laughing once more.

“Ah, b-but you know, perhaps I was mistaken. Sometimes, couples are just fated to be with one another-”

________________________________________________________________

The exposed gray ventilation above you on the safehouse’s ceiling came into focus as you stared up at it. Rain pelted the roof above you in a distinct pitter-patter, yet you could still register the cheery sounds of drunken soldiers talking amongst themselves and that one enthusiastic soldier exclaiming about him winning those Marlboros.

You blinked, dazedly brushing fingers over your warm lips.

The smell of vodka, aviation kerosene, and Afghan dust still lingered in the air like an old friend.

What a vivid dream, you thought sleepily. And an odd one at that.

Along with other soldiers, Belikov was in it and you had-

You had kissed him.

Kicking away the thread-bare sheets at your feet, you sighed and rubbed the back of your suddenly warm neck.

Someone must have turned up the thermostat.

It really was an odd dream.

Shaking your head, you laid back down onto the sheets only to find yourself staring up restlessly at the ceiling moments later. Hollowness ironically filled your chest in a vague sense of loss- no longing. Distantly, you brought a hand up to your aching chest right where your heart was and grasped the fabric of your shirt there.

Why, you thought slowly, do I mourn a dream.

There really was no point.

Dreams weren’t even real.

Yet you never did get any more sleep that night.

________________________________________________________________

You leaned your head against your hand, staring longingly at the pot of coffee brewing at the corner. The familiar sound of the boiling dark brew already woke up slightly.

Usually, Sims or Lazar would make the coffee in the morning. But you hadn’t gotten any sleep and woke up at 0400 hours to make coffee.

Now that you thought of it, ever since you came to the safehouse with Adler, you had been rather sleepy... But this was different. Just a restless night that came with an oddly vivid dream, you asserted.

Yawning, you perked up at the sound of footsteps behind you.

“...Good morning,” you said sleepily.

“Доброе утро, my friend,” an all too familiar accented voice greeted in turn. You blinked, jolting awake ever so slightly at the sound of his voice.

Quickly, you went back to staring at the brewing coffee pot by the corner and gestured to it with one hand, “I, uh, made some coffee.” you said rather lamely. Words seemed to fail you in the early unholy hours of 0400.

You heard Belikov take a seat beside you. Hearing the timer beep and the boiling come to a low, you perked up and walked over to the coffee pot. You glanced back at your companion questioningly. You heard coffee wasn’t generally consumed in the Soviet Union…

Belikov nodded with a smile.

You awkwardly smiled back and grabbed the paper cups in the corner, pouring you both a cup of the dark brew. Hopefully, he was okay with drinking coffee black. The safehouse ran out of sugar and cream yesterday and Lazar was up for grocery runs…

Setting back into your seat with coffee in hand, you sighed, enjoying the familiar aroma of caffeine. A silence settled in the air as the rain pelted the windows outside. There was a storm system rolling through the Berlin metropolitan area according to the weather forecast...

“Did you sleep alright?” the Russian suddenly asked, his voice filled with friendly concern. You bit your lip guiltily. Belikov was always so friendly and nice, asking about your wellbeing. Only Lazar ever really did that before. And to think you had that weird dream about Belikov when he was this considerate…

“I-I’m fine,” you asserted, “I just had this weird dream-”

Deep down, you knew better than to start explaining that dream to him. But if you left that brief kiss part out, maybe it’d be cathartic and you could move on from it.

Like giving a confession, you thought sleepily.

4am thoughts really were the best.

“-where we were both getting drunk in this bar in Kandahar. And there were soldiers around us drinking vodka as well. And one soldier kept on exclaiming about him winning packs of Marlboros for some reason…” you rambled on, feeling the guilty weight off your chest lessen.

Suddenly, you heard Belikov choke on his coffee.

“Are you okay, Mitya?!”

You worriedly patted his back, hearing him cough even more. After a few tense moments of coughing, he settled down. You opened your mouth to ask if he was alright, only to be interrupted when gunmetal blue eyes suddenly stared at you with an unfamiliar intensity.

“Ты помнишь? Это я, Митя.”

________________________________________________________________

Author’s Note: I debated on whether or not to post this since this is probably a rather confusing AU to read.

Basically, this is an AU in which Bell and Belikov serve together as Mi-24D pilots in the same helicopter assault unit during the Soviet-Afghan War. The overall timeline of cod cold war is shifted more than several years since the Soviet-Afghan War really started happening in the 1980s. Also, I'm leaving things vague but things happened in between Bell and Belikov's service in Afghanistan and the events of the campaign that made Bell have amnesia. So Bell doesn't remember her close past with Belikov.

On a side note...this is why I don't write kiss scenes. I'm horrible with writing them XD. Although to be fair, this was kinda meant to not be really romantic cause Bell's drunk haha.

Well, I hope this was tolerable to read. Thanks for reading!

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yoonjinkooked · 6 years ago

Text

I Miss You | Jungkook

Pairing: Y/N / Jungkook

Genre: Fluff, a bit of angst (mostly pining) and comedy, oneshot

Warnings: (cursing, brief mentions of anal sex (jokingly), banter, oblivious Jungkook, heavy pining on both sides)

Word Count: 3666

Summary: You are in love with your best friend and he doesn’t know it. When the two of you start breaking a long term tradition of yours, feelings become more obvious on both sides.

A/N: Jimin’s bday gift for JK fucked me up. ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ is one of my all-time favorites and today it pushed me back into Blink 182 and “I miss you”. So, I wrote this in like two hours completely inspired by the song, even though I had other stuff to write. I will go do that now. I hope you enjoy this, let me know what you think!

You could laugh at how stupid this whole thing is.

It is so ridiculous and plainly stupid but it still affects you, more than you would like to admit to anyone.

Since you were 18 and a broke college student, you and a fellow broke college student became friends, bonding over your love of music, movies, TV shows and essentially irrelevant pop culture knowledge. It didn’t take long for you and Jeon Jungkook to have weekly movie nights together, whether at his dorm room or your run down rental apartment.

It also didn’t take long for those weekly movie nights to end up being limited on one movie and one movie alone: The Nightmare Before Christmas.

There was something about that masterpiece that drew you both in, time and time again, never becoming boring. Of course, you needed to make sure of that: a few months down the road, movie nights were still a weekly occurrence but ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ nights were monthly.

You obsession went as far as dressing up as Jack and Sally for Halloween – it was a horribly executed costume, tragic even, but the two of you loved it. It was your thing. No one understood it but no one needed to – the two of you have always known.

Adulthood came knocking, graduations came and went, jobs became a daily and not a temporary thing but somehow, you and Jungkook still followed tradition.

Even three months ago, when Jungkook packed up and moved half the world away. Even with seven hours between the two of you, you still spared one day a month for your tradition.

Granted, you barely even watched the movie anymore – you would be too interested in catching up with one another, Skype was a bitch and constantly lagging and the first 15 minutes would always be spent in trying to play the movie at the same time. After yelling at each other and blaming the other one, and of course Skype, you would both just play the movie at your own terms, barely paying attention to it because you could finally look at each other again, even over a computer screen.

You were supposed to be having your movie day/night now. And for the first time in 6 whole years, Jungkook stood you up.

Twice before, movie night was cancelled. Once by you, once by him, very much in advance. And even then, it would simply end up being re-scheduled. Nothing stopped your movie nights, not illnesses, not real-life drama, not a whole ocean between the two of you.

Which is why it is actually painful now, when he did not show up.

He is online – you can see the little green light shining on his Skype name. It’s not yet late night in his time zone – he should be here. Or at the very least, texting you and asking for a last minute re-schedule.

And yet he isn’t. It’s stupid and it’s trivial and who the hell would be hurt with this but it also makes perfect sense because this? This feels like an ended chapter. No, a whole closed book.

Over the years, you and Jungkook always hovered between being the best of friends and maybe, just maybe, something a little bit more.

Frankly speaking, you had a stupid crush on him for several years and never did anything about it, perfectly aware that said crush had ruined every single attempt at a relationship you have ever had. You tried to leave it behind, knowing you would never be able to put your feelings into words, much less actions. You knew your longing for Jungkook would always remain unsaid and you tried to move on. There were men, one night stands, serious relationships, all of it – and none of it worked.

Him moving miles away didn’t have the desired effect either. It was still there, in your heart, annoying you and making it painfully obvious just how strong the stupid crush is.

But this? This situation from today? It finally did what nothing else could do.

It showed you that you and Jungkook will never be.

Seemingly meaningless to someone else, a punch in the gut for you.

JK: Y/N? You there? [4:24 AM]

JK: Y/N!!!!!!! Come on! I know you’re up! [4:36 AM]

JK: btch, I know you’re up and watching Walking Dead or something [4:39 AM]

JK: Ugh, fine, whatever [4:51 AM]

Y/N: I was sleeping, dumbass [9:08 AM]

Y/N: What do you want [9:08 AM]

JK: Finally! I wanna reschedule our movie night – I couldn’t make it last night, sorry. You wanna do it tonight? [9:14 AM]

Y/N: Can’t do it tonight – have work to do. [9:14 AM]

JK: Tomorrow night? [9:16 AM]

Y/N: Soz, work. [9:16 AM]

JK: Any night in the next two weeks? [9:17 AM]

Y/N: Ask me in a few days, I will know more. [9:22 AM]

“Thank you so much for taking me out tonight,” you smile at your date, trying to make the awkward first-date goodbye a little less awkward. Hoseok is a kind, charming guy – on paper, he is exactly what you need, what you had hoped to find. Stable in all the right ways and not textbook proper. If you were to let your imagination run wild, Hoseok would be a perfect long term companion – yes, one date was more than enough for you to realize that.

“It was my pleasure,” he smiles brightly at you, a smile that should make your stomach somersault. It doesn’t. As much as you want it to, it doesn’t. “I would very much like to do this again. Are you free on Monday, for example?” he suggests.

“I’ll have to check my schedule,” you avoid giving him a direct answer, despite knowing you have absolutely no plans for Monday night. You don’t want to lead him on but you are not brave enough to say it to his face. “I’ll message you once I know. Thank you so much and have a good sleep,” you tell him, hand already on the car door – you didn’t want to give him a chance to do something more.

“Bye Y/N,” he smiles at you as you close the door, the sound of it making you flinch.

He is perfect but he is not him.

He is not your stupid best friend, the one who eats too much ramen and misses scheduled movie nights and snorts when he laughs and cries during cheesy romcoms and makes you laugh like no one ever has.

He is not the guy you are insanely comfortable with, the guy who had made you shed every single mask you have ever worn and show yourself to him for who you really are. He is not the guy you want, he is not the guy you need.

But unlike Jungkook, he is here.

You cannot string Hoseok along and you cannot let your feelings for Jungkook take over you – it’s over and you know it. You just need to learn how to live with it.

You are so sure that you’re dreaming, you don’t even bother lifting your head, much less answering your phone when you hear it ringing. Soon enough, it stops and you almost fall right back into your dream before it rings again – and this time too, you don’t even bother because it’s obviously a dream.

The third time it had started to ring, you know you’re not dreaming.

You also know that it’s fucking late and as ‘How I Met Your Mother’ had taught you, nothing good happens after 2AM.

With a sense of dread, you do reach for your phone, not bothering to open your eyes as you try to slide your finger on the right area.

“What?”

“Hey… it’s me,” you recognize his voice instantly.

“Jungkook what the fuck do you want?” you sigh. “It’s almost,” you pause to look at your phone’s clock, nearly blinding yourself in the process, forcing your eyes shut as soon as you saw the exact time. “It’s past 4AM. What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s late,” he apologizes instantly. “But I just wanted to see what you were up to.”

“What I-,” sometimes, like right now, you cannot believe the stupidity Jeon Jungkook can utter. For a genuinely bright and knowledgeable person, there are times when he truly is the biggest dumbass you have encountered in your whole life. “I’m sleeping – what the fuck did you think I’d be doing?”

“Sorry for waking you up,” he mumbles. He doesn’t even have to be in front of you for you to know that he is pouting – right about now, he is looking like a kicked puppy, making you want to hug him and punch him at the same time, because even with an entire ocean between the two of you, he is using his charms in his favor – he knows how fucking whipped you are for his pout, even if you can’t see it.

“Did something happen?” you ask, finally realizing that he must have some reason to call you at this hour.

“Why weren’t you here today for our movie night?” he blurts out.

“Huh? Jungkook, we didn’t plan a movie night today.”

“No, we didn’t but we always have it on a Saturday,” he tells you. “I just assumed after weeks of not having one, we will have one this Saturday.”

“I never confirmed that,” you mumble, suddenly not as sleepy as you were seconds ago.

“I watched it alone,” he admits, his voice sounding oddly sentimental. However, you are still sleepy and could very well be imagining the whole thing. “It felt so weird, to watch it without you. It felt wrong.”

“I watched it alone the last time we had our movie night,” you remind him, hoping that you don’t sound too sour. You are not angry – you’re really not. Yes, you are still a little bit hurt, but not by his actions. You are hurt because those actions made you realize the truth you have been avoiding for years now. “It felt wrong then too. But life goes on.”

“What do you mean life goes on?” he asks.

“Life goes on,” you repeat. “We live in different places now. We have our own obligations. I had a date tonight – last time, you had… whatever it is that you had. We are not those stupid students anymore, Jungkook. Traditions are cool but real life gets in the way.”

“I don’t want life to go on without our tradition,” he uses his kicked puppy voice again.

“Me neither but tough luck.”

“Was the date good?”

“It was,” you answer honestly. You could never lie to Jungkook – not in person, not over text, not over the phone. Keeping things to yourself was a more common practice than you’d like to admit but never have you lied to him. “It was good but there won’t be a second one.”

“That’s very contradictory,” he points out.

“I know,” you sigh. “I guess I just had to admit to myself that he wasn’t what I am looking for.”

“Y/N, do you even know what you are looking for?” he chuckles.

Better than you might think. “I know exactly what I am looking for. Sleep. Goodbye Jungkook.”

“Y/N, wait-“ he tries to stop you.

“We will talk in a few hours. Goodbye!”

You had to end the call before you ended up saying things you will likely end up regretting. They were there, on the tip of your tongue. It would have been so easy to say them, to finally not carry that burden with you. It would have been easy, therapeutic even. But the aftermath? The aftermath would have destroyed you and you knew it.

You curse when the ringing drags you away from your dream – it was a good dream too. You were eating chicken wings and someone, you can already imagine who, decided to pull you away from it.

Jungkook and you had a timetable of times when it is socially acceptable to call the other one – different time zones made you do it. For four months, both of you were perfectly capable of sticking to it. Except, over the course of last week, Jungkook had decided to blatantly ignore it, several times.

“Jungkook, this is the third time this week you wake me up at the dead of night,” you answer the phone angrily, not even checking the caller ID because you know it’s him. “What do you want?”

“I miss you.”

“You truly could have waited a few more hours to tell me that.”

“Actually, I couldn’t,” he tells you, to which you just roll your eyes. “Y/N, I’m going to need you to not interrupt me now – I have something to say. Are you awake enough to listen?” he checks.

“I am,” you mumble. Yeah, now you are, when the dumbass woke you up.

“I miss you,” he tells you the same thing again, the words not having much of an effect on you because you know he is not missing you in the way you want him to. “It pisses me off that we don’t have our movie nights anymore. It is just so wrong to watch ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ without you and it pisses me off that it’s like that – it’s just a stupid movie. I should be able to watch it without thinking about you every damn second.”

You want to reply to that, of course you do, but his earlier request and frankly, your surprise, leave you speechless. You do however sit up, knowing that even if you ended the call this second, you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep for the remainder of the night.

“I know that this is not something I should be doing right now,” he continues. “It’s wrong and if I am going to say it, I should at least say it to your face and not over the phone, at the dead of night. But I just… I can’t keep it in anymore, you know? I miss you. I miss you so fucking much Y/N.”

You want to ask him why, you want to brush it off. After years of keeping your hopes down, you don’t want one misunderstanding to get them up. You know, you just know, he doesn’t miss you like that.

“Ever since I got here, I have kept living with this horrible feeling,” Jungkook admits, swallowing lumps as he speaks. “I know I have made a mistake. I knew it even before I left. I thought it would clear my head, lessen your influence or whatever… and it just didn’t. I am still feeling the same way about you as I did before and now I can’t even see you. I sabotaged myself.”

He is talking about his feelings for you, he said it in those very words and still, you don’t want to believe what you’re hearing, knowing that if you believe it, the eventual truth will leave you broken. Your heart however gives you away – it starts beating faster, excited at what this could mean.

“I miss you, Y/N. And I don’t just miss you as a friend. That’s a given, that will always be true, even if you don’t ever want to see my face after tonight. But I just needed to put it out there before I… exploded. I miss you. I want to be right there, right next to you. Kissing you, holding your hand… doing all sorts of things to you, things that would make you blush and kick me in the shin if I were to voice them. I don’t want to scare and chase you away, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, that’s exactly why I haven’t said this for so long but I just can’t keep it in. Not when you are ditching movie nights and going on dates and living your best life while I am… pining after you. And I don’t blame you – you didn’t know, I made sure of that. But now you do. And whatever your response is, just know that I will always consider you my best friend, whether you let me fuck you into oblivion and hold your hand 24/7 or if you never want to see my sorry ass ever again.”

For the first time in a very long time, your heart and mind are on the same page. One is not trying to hold to hold the other one back or to push it into something that makes no sense. No, your heart and mind are not working together, both perfectly aware and very accepting of that fact that for you, it was always going to be Jungkook.

Whether your feelings are returned or not, whether it never happens or lasts a lifetime, it was always going to be him.

And now, when your mind is finally accepting, and aware of Jungkook’s feelings, you can finally embrace the feeling you have spent years, fucking years, trying to escape.

He likes you. Hell, if he’s anything like you, he is in love with you. ‘Like’ is too weak. You like someone you barely know. When you know the person you like, when you actually know them, the way you and Jungkook know each other, it’s more than just ‘like’.

“Can I talk now?” you ask.

“I kind of want to say no,” Jungkook sheepishly admits. “But I know you have to. So go on, Y/N. Go on and break my heart. For all I know, that may be the exact thing I need.”

“Okay, now I’m going to ask you to shut the fuck up,” you deadpan, not surprised when you hear silence on the other side – Jungkook was never a push around but the truth of the matter is, he knows how scary you can get when you are angry. He doesn’t want to make you angry, not right now. “Seeing as you moved your ass to a different continent and couldn’t wait till the morning to call me, you are obviously blind and completely unaware of the massive crush I’ve had on you for years.”

It’s his turn to be stunned to silence.

Or maybe he’s quiet because you asked him to. Shit.

“I’m done,” you tell him. “Your turn.”

“That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“Are you seriously complaining right now?” you ask in disbelief. “What more do you need? I like you, you dumbass. I have liked you for years! I want you here, next to me, holding my hand and all that shit. And all the things you say you want to do to me, if I were you, I would compile a list of them before coming back home because I’d let you do them all.”

“Y/N, are you-“

“Well, maybe not all. I’m still iffy about the butt stuff.”

“Are you seriously talking about anal while confessing your feelings for me?!”

“I just didn’t want you to get your hopes up for nothing, that’s all,” you admit in a low voice. You know you’re going to end up regretting saying this. Jungkook has a horrible, yet endearing habit of reminding you of all the embarrassing things you have ever said in his presence and mentioning anal sex in the middle of such a heartfelt conversation will definitely make the cut.

“I miss you even more now,” he admits, sighing into the phone. “Do you seriously like me?”

“Yes,” you reassure him. “It’s weird, I know.”

“Hey!”

“It is!” you argue. “You are my best friend. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.”

“Or maybe it was absolutely supposed to happen that way,” he counters. “Is there a better feeling than falling for your best friend?”

“Hell yeah, it’s a horrible feeling,” you laugh. “It only feels good when you know it’s not one-sided.”

“Okay, you do have a point there,” he chuckles. You find yourself feeling all giddy on the inside, biting your lip and fighting the urge to yell out of pure happiness. It’s actually happening. After years of not being able to keep him out of your heart, you finally don’t have to. Sure, the whole conversation is weird as fuck but it’s also very Jungkook. Very you and Jungkook. If it had happened in any other way, it would not be so characteristically you. “So… now what?”

“You’re the one who moved away – you need to answer that one.”

“Temporarily,” he sighs. “I tell you this every time Y/N, it’s temporary-“

“Yeah, yeah.”

“-because I literally can’t stand being away from you,” he ends with a sigh, making your heart flutter all over again. “I’ll still be here for two months. I’d say… maybe you should go to your living room and play our movie. And we can watch it once a week, sticking to our tradition. And then, when I come back home, I will kiss you silly and make both of us regret being silent for as long as we were.”

“You gonna date me?” you giggle as you get up and head straight for your living room.

“I’m gonna date the shit out of you,” he announces.

“Are you gonna meet my parents?”

“I already know your parents, Y/N,” he laughs and you chuckle too, as you turn on your TV. “But I’ll gladly meet them all over again. We need to discuss how much you’ll be bringing into our marriage, after all.”

“Oh, fuck you!” you laugh.

“Give it two months babe and you will do just that.”

“You are insufferable.”

“And you love it.”

Watching ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ was always a special tradition for the two of you, but never more special than now, with him half the world away and on the phone with you, while you banter and ignore the growing feeling in your chest, acting as if this is a completely normal thing to do on a Wednesday at 3AM. Because for the two of you, it kind of is.

#jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #bts fanfiction #jungkook fic #bts fic #bangtan fanfiction #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jeongguk #jungkook oneshot #bts oneshot

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razorblade180 · 5 years ago

Text

Shackles pt6:Progress

Sun:Sigh.... still nothing. *grabs scroll* Ilia are you having better luck than me? Our mystery man seems to have disappeared.

Ilia: “No. I’ve probably looked from every building I could by now. Twice.”

Sun:He wouldn’t leave his team would he? Their captured and odds are they were looking for something right?

Ilia: “You mean besides me?”

Sun:Maybe? I mean I don’t know why they would think to look for you here. Are you sure you don’t know those guys?

Ilia: “I never forget a face. These people are new, but that hate in their eyes I’m more than used to seeing. They called me White Fang trash.”

Sun:You would think after a few years people wouldn’t be so quick to drudge up the past. Especially when people like you have been making up for it in spades.

Ilia: “Think about it, that’s why they call it a grudge. I don’t mind people hating me. Honestly I still hate most people, but these guys....they put me on edge.”

Sun:You thinking this thing is bigger than we expect?

Ilia:Five men walking around cloaked and armed? Of course this is something big. The question is wha-

Sun:*Yawns* aaaaaahhhhh!

Ilia: “Seriously? You’re tired after a little search? I need you alert if we’re gonna find him.”

Sun:Ilia, look at the horizon.

She turned her head and looked into the distance. A beam of light blinded her for a moment until her eyes adjusted. “Hey where is that coming fr-” a quick look back down at her scroll answered the question for her. It was 4am

Ilia: Daybreak already?

Sun: “We’ve been looking for hours. I doubt Trigger is doing much in broad daylight. Let’s regroup with the others and take a break.”

Ilia:Fine. You’re right for once.

Sun: “Gee....thanks. You think we should call Blake? We’ll probably be late going back to Menagerie. Also I’m sure she’ll want to know about this.”

Ilia:Yeah, once we get our facts in order. I don’t want to worry her without having at least some answers.

Sun: “See you back at the hideout. I’ll make sure the guys clean up first.”

The call ended and Ilia put away her scroll. Something definitely was off about the entire situation. The words of the man still clear in her head while she watched the sunrise. ‘Another sick beast? What the hell does that mean?”

xxxx

Sun and Ilia weren’t the only one experience daybreak. Despite her own orders, Blake ended up staying awake for most of the night. The news of her party of three was secretly four, had hit her like a bombshell. ‘Adam, a dad?’ it still did not sound right in her head. Then again, Adam being alive in general was still a bit shocking. Yet she had learned that a few years ago. Time really had a way back soaring by. It still felt like yesterday when her team was saving the world; who would’ve thought those were simpler days? Now politics were her greatest enemy. This current adventure hasn’t exactly been great, but Blake would be lying if she said that she hadn’t missed adventures in the first place. Indeed, time really has changed things; it changed her. Maybe, just maybe, time changed Adam like Jacquelyn said. Her organization was changing other, just as stubborn people. The idea might not be so insane after all.

Blake stood up and looked over the edge again and exhaled a sigh of relief. Finally, the grimm were gone. “Perfect.” She turned back around to go wake up the others. Yang was laying on her side away from everyone like she always does when she’s moody. Blake approached slowly reached for Yang’s shoulder. Hopefully everyone was in better spirits than last night.

Blake:*shakes her* Yang? Hey, time to wake. We can finally keep going.

Yang:Mrgrgr.....having the word sunny in my name does not mean I enjoy waking up at the buttcrack of dawn.

Blake:Sooner we wake up, sooner we can finish this. Also I’m positive you’re getting bugs in your hair.

Yang:*raises up* I’ve been suppressing that thought for hours but you really had to say it out loud.

Blake:*smiles* It works every time. Hmm? Hey are you okay? Your face, it’s pale like before.

Yang:I’m fine, just a little out of it.

Blake:.....Spill it. What aren’t you telling me?

Yang:I’m telling you, I am fine. *stands up* let’s get a move on okay?

Blake:Hey....listen, I really appreciate you-

Yang:I heard some of what you said last night; about what I mean to you and afraid of losing questions? Blake you never lost me. I....just can’t keep up with you sometimes; that’s all.

Blake:Oh. I’m sorry. *frowns*

Yang:Hey, it happens. All I ask for is for you to be more apart of your decision. Believe me, I love being a thrill seeker and taking leaps of faith, but I’m not a shamed to admit some of the ones that you take make me hesitate. Especially the ones that involve you know who.

Blake:I understand. My parents have told me before I may have a habit of charging towards whatever gets me emotional.

Yang:I mean it’s gotten you every single relationship you’ve been in.

Blake:Yang! That’s......*rubs her head* a fair point...

Yang:Hehehe. I really should be the last person to call out anyone for getting emotional. I’m married to one of the most loyal men on Remnant and I still get feisty whenever a woman looks at him for too long.

Blake:Jaune knew what he was getting into. So, we’re okay?

Yang:*smiles* We’re always going to be okay. That’s what makes us, us.

Blake:Okay then. Now if you and Jacquelyn can hold a decent conversation then we might make it to the oasis.

Yang:*folds arms* Hey that’s up to her. She’s the one that caught an attitude.

Jacquelyn:You bring that out in me....

Blake and Yang jump slightly at the voice and turn their heads to find Jacquelyn standing in the middle and ready to go. Blake might not see the girl often, but she can her face was a little pale as well. ‘Her too? Well I guess that makes sense. Probably has morning sickness from being-’

Suddenly a possibility became very clear that Blake hadn’t thought of until now. Her attention shifted back to Yang again who was too busy having an angry staring contest with Jacquelyn. ‘Pregnant....? No way. Well...no she would’ve said something; right’ the thought bounced back and forth for a minute until a touch from Yang snapped her out of the trance. The ground was moving downward slowly.

Blake:Huh!?

Yang:What? Nothing. Jacquelyn said to hold on because she’s lowering the platform.

Blake:Oh, okay. Sorry I spaced out.

Yang:Well you better look alive. I’m still not completely sold on their place being trap free.

Jacquelyn:I haven’t put any traps in my house. The desert is one giant trap and Adam does not have the type of mind to create or rig complex traps. The entire layout was mine design with his occasional input.

Yang:No offense Jacquelyn, but I’ll keep my skepticism and it’s not because I don’t trust you, but because it’s help keep me alive.

Blake:You sound like your mom.

Yang:Ugh, please don’t say that. Though, I guess that’s a good thing in this case. That woman cheats death like it’s her job. As much as I would love to have half the confidence either of you have, I don’t. My history with the hothead is simple and violent. Even if he has changed I still wouldn’t like him. *detaches right arm*

Jacquelyn:I can’t argue with that. To be honest he’d probably be badgering me for roping both of you into this; I’m a bit frustrated myself. Relying on others isn’t something I’m used to. Being a full fledged maiden is the equivalent of being a skeleton key. Nothing really stops your progress. However.....health issues are making me feel like more of a flimsy lock pick. So thanks, I really needed support.

Yang:Hmm....Jacquelyn I only have one question for you. Well, technically two.

Jacquelyn:Shoot.

Yang:Are you in love with this guy?

Jacquelyn:I....well...*red* despite all odds and reason, I am. For better or for worse.

Yang:Now for the more important question. Does Adam love you?

That...was a good question. One that caught Jacquelyn off gaurd. Her body started to slouch a little and her flushed demeanor quickly turned sour as the platform finally reached the ground.

Blake:Yang that was little low don’t you think? I mean-

Jacquelyn:It’s okay Blake. It’s a fair question to ask. I’m.....not sure. He’s never said before. Then again, I haven’t told him my exact feelings either. There’s a lot I still haven’t told him.

Yang:Well, I guess we’ll know soon enough *grabs bag* Let’s make tracks.

Blake:Right.

Jacquelyn:Sigh....okay.

xxxx

“Alright, back to work people! This Dust won’t mine itself!” Multiple gaurds shouted. Rajah slowly stood up, now filled with a little food and water. Jasmine on the other hand was allowed relief until further notice. Every inch of her body still ached immensely and all of her senses still more acute than what they should be. Especially her hears. It wasn’t as bad as before but the constant sound of pickaxes chipping away at arid rock was headache inducing. Not to mention her fever. Jasmine simply laid on the ground exhausted and looking up at her brother.

Rajah:I have to go.

Jasmine:I heard from the grownups that’s there isn’t actually Dust here anymore.

Rajah:Yeah...I know.

Jasmine:They should really stop,...being such big liars. Lying only makes problem.

Rajah:I think all these people want is problems.

Jasmine:That’s dumb. They’re really dumb. Especially Sob-

Rajah:*covers her mouth* You know you can’t say things like that freely. I don’t want you to go back for more “correction” Jasmine. So please, rest up and keep your head down low. I gotta get back to work now. *leaving*

Jasmine:.....

Jasmine:Mom and dad wouldn’t have kept their head down.

Rajah:*stops*Yeah....look how far that got them. Slaughtered, all because of the words of a crazy person.

He said nothing else to her, then walked away. Jasmine could not respond to that even if she wanted to. Her big brother was right, at least he should be. Yet, there was something weird about. Most people do blame Adam, Sobek calls him plenty of terrible names; some of them go over her head though. Some feared him while others think him weak and useless. As far as she’s concerned, no way that could be true. Just earlier he managed to get Sobek to give everyone food; that’s not useless. Not to whatever else he said allowed her to get more water and help for her fever. Useless? Not to her.

Her head turned to the elevated platform where he was trained up for all to beaten. Currently he was free from that punishment. By now the giant, tattered cloth that draped over it had to stained badly. Right now they had him on his knees; wrists and ankles still restraint but at least to Jasmine, it looked comfier than the other way they had him. She couldn’t think of the name of it but she had definitely seen the pose before on old books and her mom’s old jewelry. The man was drenched in sweat to the point his hair was weighed down. The gaurds were ordered to bandage some of his injuries but whatever material they used already needed to be changed. What was once white was soaked completely red.

None of his bruises looked any better. Just looking at his black and blue splotches on him made Jasmine’s body ache as well. She couldn’t imagine what his wrist and ankles look like. A few hours strapped to a chair with leather straps was enough to make hers red and tender. Metal chains had to be worse. Despite all that, the man looked......okay? It was interesting to wittiness. His body had much older scars and though he looked exhausted, he wasn’t broken. Not like all the others that had been put on display before him. They screamed and rambled for hours; broke down and cried relentlessly. Especially the guy with the bat wings. Then eventually....they broke. Removed of what made them special and then never seen again. Surly it would happen again. Right?

‘What makes you so different?’ Jasmine wanted to know badly. If he’s the reason her life is like this then shouldn’t she have a right to know? Seems fair to her, but how to get what she want? Everyone was busy so now would be perfect. There’s no way the gaurds would just let her talk to him though. With her luck, they’ll turn on her shock collar again; that was something to avoid at all cost. Also getting Rajah caught up in it as well. Her problems might become his. That means she can’t get caught. ‘Maybe I should just stay put?’ It was about to be the only option. Then something caught her eye. Support beams were slightly visible through one of the holes of the cloth. If they connected all the way up then......

Jasmine:It....might work?

xxxx

Adam:.......

Adam:You’re going to get in trouble if they find you. Ya know that right?

He puts his head like he’s in defeat and peeks through one of crevasses between the platform’s planks of wood. Staring up at him in utter shock is jasmine holding two pieces of bread. She carefully whispers so no one but him can hear her.

Jasmine:How’d you know I was here?

Adam:You’re quiet but not super quiet. Your foot slipped on your way up here.

Jasmine:Oh, well I’m out of practice.

Adam:You’re one of the girls that came out of from behind that metal door.

Jasmine:My name is Jasmine.

Adam:Last name?

Jasmine:It’s......hmmmm I’m not sure.

Adam:You don’t know your last name?

Jasmine:My parents told so many people different ones whenever we moved. We moved a lot actually.

Adam:I see.....so Jasmine, why are you under my platform?

Jasmine:People keep saying a lot of things about you that don’t make sense. Like how scary and strong you are. I don’t see it.

Adam:*raises eyebrows* Is that so?

Jasmine:I mean the black eye and your voice sounds tough but you’re banged up.

Adam:Being strong comes in a lot shapes and sizes.

Jasmine:This shape looks like it hurts a lot.

Adam:Hehe, you are right about that. Not many can do it. Not many should have to though.

Jasmine:Well I’m tough. Sobek tried to “cure” me, but I’m still the same.

Adam:Is that what happened when you got taken away?

Jasmine:Yeah....

Adam:And exactly did he tried to “cure” you?

Jasmine:He gave me a shot that made everything hurt more. The room got really bright, then things kept getting really loud before going quiet. I got really hot in the room, then everything was super cold and hurt my skin. Sometimes I heard his voice telling me to do things over and over again.

Adam:What kind of things?

Jasmine:Give up, stop fighting, behave....

Adam watched the girl in silence as she grabbed her head in physical pain.

Jasmine:It was.....so much......

Adam:I’m...so sorry.

Jasmine:The doctor hates it when I get upset. My eyes get all angry and my nails get longer and I just want to claw at something. He says it’s ugly.

Adam:You’re part feline and a child. That’s what happens when you get extremely emotional. Even adults sometimes go little feral. Not to mention you’re not just any feline faunus, you’re part big cat. Intensity is in your blood.

Jasmine:Really?

Adam:Yeah. Believe me, I’ve seen it others like you.

Jasmine:It doesn’t seem to happen to my big brother though. He always does what everyone says.

Adam:Well that doesn’t mean he’s not upset about it. I’m sure he’s just thinking of you first.

Jasmine:*pouts* I can take care of myself. He’s the one always scared. He says we should wait this out but I don’t like it. Everything hurts here and that is not okay. Everyone should fight but people are scared.

Adam:You’re not scared?

Jasmine:I am scared, but not of the grownups. I don’t....I don’t wanna break down here or die. Not like my parents. I promised them I wouldn’t.

Adam:...You’re a strong little girl, you know that?

Jasmine:I’m not little. I’m six years old.

Adam:Tell me, do you blame me for being down here. Someone must have told you all the terrible things I’ve done.

Jasmine:Are they true?

Adam:Yes.....

Jasmine:Oh....I guess that means my mom and dad weren’t nice people for trying to be like you.

Adam:Like me?

Jasmine:They made things. I don’t know what they were though, but they told me to never touch them or things would get loud.

Adam:I hate to break it to you but your parents saw me do bad things and thought it was okay.

Jasmine:It wasn’t?

Adam:It was really bad. I knew it was but I didn’t care because I wanted to believe it was right. People hurt me and I got very upset. I hurt them back, but then I kept hurting more people. People who weren’t really hurting anybody or did not deserve what I did to them.

Jasmine:Did you kill people.

Adam:Yeah, I did.

Jasmine:Sobek said my parents hurt a bunch of people too. But those people....they hurt us.

Adam:A woman I know has been telling me for awhile now that hurting others who hurt you, does not make you feel better. It just makes you angrier.

Jasmine:What should my parents have done instead then.

Adam:Focus on loving you and your brother. It doesn’t make the hate go away completely but, you’re so busy loving that you forget to hate. It’s more important to you. I didn’t realize that for a very long time.

Jasmine:Do you love anyone?

Adam:Heh, that’s a good question. I can think of one person. I hated their guts at first. They are really snooty and think they’re always right. It’s even worse because they usually are. She makes me want to try to be different though. In a way I never thought possible. So I do my best for her and if I screw up, she sticks around and makes me try again. For the life of me, I can’t understand why she thinks I can be a better person.

Jasmine:Can you?

Adam:I hope so. Or she’s gonna end up hurt because of me. Frankly, that might be happening now I don’t even know. I hope she’s okay.

Jasmine:So because you love someone, you do your best not to start trouble anymore?

Adam:That’s right. Which means you should probably scram. You love your brother right? That means even if it’s frustrating to listen to the grownups, you should try. Wait patiently and don’t let them see how unhappy you are. Never let them break you; fake a smile if you have to. Because one day, you won’t have to anymore. You’ll be on top.

Jasmine:You sound so sure.

Adam:I’ve seen it work before.

Jasmine:Well, I guess I’ll believe you. But that won’t work if they hurt Rajah.

Adam:Why’s that?

Jasmine:Because they hurt what I love. That means I have to hurt them back. If you hit someone, then it shouldn’t be a surprise if they hit back. Right? They asked for violence. That goes with them hurting a loved one too.

Those words were shocking to listen to. Jasmine had a point and it wasn’t that he didn’t disapprove of the logic. It was simply surprising to hear it from such a young girl. Not to mention so well thought out.

Adam:How long have you been in here?

Jasmine:I don’t know. I haven’t seen my parents in awhile. They used to keep track by putting marks in the wall then slashing them.

Adam:Those are called tally marks. Each one with a slash through it is five days.

Jasmine:Really? There were at least five of those I think.

Adam:Y...you’ve been here for almost a month?

Jasmine:I guess so. That means Rajah must be nine already. I should give him one of my sick rations as a present. Nah, I’ll just get him something when we’re free.

Adam:A month here and you still have hope. You’re still fighting.

Jasmine:You said it is in my blood right? I guess I have a lot of it.

Adam:*smiling* You remind me of someone I knew. She was pretty feisty and willing to get violent as well. No one was going to cage her spirit. She was a tiger faunus too, just not a white tiger like you.

Jasmine:Really? What’s her name?

Adam:Sienna.

Jasmine:Hmm, sounds a little familiar. She sounds pretty amazing.

Adam:Yeah, she really was. It’s time for you to head back now though. Don’t want you getting caught now do we?

Jasmine:Okay. It was nice meeting you. I still don’t get what’s the big deal is about you though. You just seem like a person.

She put a piece of bread in her mouth and hopped off the beam. Her hand caught another one right before she hit the ground and she landed without a single noise. Adam would be impresses if she didn’t tell him about her parents. ‘Good skill, I wonder what they had her doing?’ He watched the girl sneak from hiding spot to hiding spot until she managed her way back to where the other prisoners rested. It was nice to have an actual conversation. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like and he hasn’t even been here a fourth of her time. With Sobek’s intentions for him, Adam knew he wouldn’t get the chance most likely. Still he wasn’t worried; not in the slightest. Jacquelyn taught him more than just dealing with his demons. She taught him how to trust and have hope. All he had to do was endure. He knew she’d do the rest.

Adam:(Since when did I become so reliant on others? What has Jackie done to me? I’ll remember to complain about it later. Right after I thank her.)

Part 5

#rwby #rwby shackles #blake bellodona #yang xiao long #jacquelyn frost #adam taurus #rwby au #ilia amitola #sun wukong #rwby dragonslayer

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wtfzodiacsigns · 6 years ago

Text

My Experience With the Signs (Reprise)

Aquarius: They have a commanding presence to them that to some is intimidating but not to me. You stick to your “one way of doing things” far too much. they act emotionally detached even when everyone knows they’re the most sentimental person in the room. some of them get on my nerves with their one track mind, but for the most part we get along. they’re the type to say eww guiltlessly when you say you like something really lame (if they dont then they’re the lame one). don’t really get irony for some reason either. they dont understand how you can be ironically into something really stupid, like saying you ironically listen to journey or hall and oats sometimes.

Pisces: its a 50/50. Either I love you or I can’t stand you theres no in between. they all have high morals and will really push them on people. this isnt a big problem unless their logic makes absolutely no sense which happens. they can be very intelligent but this can lead some to become overzealous. they’re smart, empathic and very compassionate. they are equal parts capable of being my favorite person or me just wanting to kill them due to some of their know-it-all natures and ridiculous logic. they’re the type where you can chain smoke talking about every topic under the sun with for 7 hours. so long as you don’t offend them which can happen pretty easily. make one innocuous joke or comment and all hell will break loose.

Aries: we would be cool except you make every issue about you. I admire your ability to stay positive, almost to a level where i fear you’re actually just ignorant of the problem completely. they’re good at making light of other peoples situations, but if something happens to them that they don’t like, its as if the whole world has to go on hold for them to figure it out. they can be really exhausting this way and come off as being super self absorbed. these are the type to call you at 4am saying “guess what just happened to me.”

Taurus: honestly not much has changed. you are still lazy and still prefer netflix and your bag of cheetos to hanging out. but regardless, they’re level headed and easy to talk to. they love to use the blame game to explain away their problems so they dont have to put work into adjusting their behavior. they have sound logic and ideas and can be that friend that you make a meaningful glance to across the room when the person you’re talking to is full of shit. nothing phases these people. until something does. then all hell breaks loose and they are insane.

Gemini: (i dont know many so im sorry if this is an unfair bias) out of all the ones I’ve known, they’ve all sucked. they manipulate and lie to get what they want from people. usually control. every picture on their facebook page is of themselves. they think they’re really talented and special when really they’re just a methhead trying to pick up underage girls with their guitar at a party they weren’t invited to.

Cancer: they’re all super sweet honestly. prone to being down on themselves and making their poor self esteem painfully obvious. they can get defensive and close themselves off even though you really just wanna hug them. tend to make poor relationship choices though they usually dont figure that out til later. really just fun to be around and drink half a bottle of tequila with. you can really tell them anything and they won’t judge you. a wholesome bean.

Leo: the person who cuts into a conversation because you haven’t said their name in five minutes. these are a bit of a mixed bag. the ones who dont have any control of their ego are unbearable: naiive, arrogant, selfish, self centered, etc. but the ones who are aware of their own egos are typically nihilists who like really weird anime and rip on themselves to make them laugh. the self aware ones have this “dead inside” air to them but not in a depressing gloomy way just in a confident “life is meaningless so fuck it” way. also I’ve never met a female leo who wasn’t gay so theres that masculine sign bringin the gay.

Virgo: they overanalyze too much and it makes them anxiety ridden but they dont do anything about it. they can be critical, but trust me they criticize themselves the most. they can be pretty blunt, and its a good trait only about half the time. they are secretly very emotional though most will never know that. they are dying inside but are super good at faking it and turning it into a joke. range from being overbearing to overly detached in about half a second. people don’t really perceive them the way they should in both directions good and bad. they stick to their ways but not in an aquarius or taurus way, but more of a “I am at a loss I dont know what else to do” way. typically very understanding and kind but not at first. it takes time to get through that prickly cynical exterior. they’re moody and typically get way too caught up and drown in tragedies. if something bad happens they never forget and they let it follow them to their grave. they’re the kind of person where you can lay on the hood of their car at night listening to beach house talking about how cool space is. (true story)

Libra: another 50/50. they both make me the angriest most miserable person on earth and also happy to the max. they love passionately when they’re actually in love but are prone to cheaty behavior which they never address. They get caught up in what people think of them without realizing it and it makes them act irrationally. they have a habit of trying to get someones attention or respect by covering up their true selves and adopting all the interests and hobbies of the person they admire, basically a chameleon. this makes them seem fake. i wish they would just embrace who they are and be themselves because literally everyone on earth would prefer that. some, usually the men, can be extremely arrogant and think they’re the greatest thing ever at everything with no evidence. they can be incredibly insecure and have all sorts of weird ways of covering it up. can be manipulative. very flirtatious which is great if you’re interested in one and really not great while you’re dating them. don’t really understand the concept of emotional cheating, probably because they do it so much and dont want to look at themselves as cheaters but they are. if you find a loyal self aware libra with integrity and self respect though, my god they could rule the world through their ability for kindness and love.

Scorpio: I can be good friends with them but dating them is always a poor choice. they can be pretty oblivious and a lot of them get caught up in trying to look cool. its not because they care what people think its for some weird unknown self serving reason. these people can surprise you in all kinds of ways. because they keep themselves pretty low profile you never really know what they’re capable of. they’re unpredictable that way. they are pretty slutty in frivolous relationships, but once they commit they’re pretty attached. almost to an unhealthy degree. like they could get beat up, cheated on and abandoned by their partner and still love them (true story. like 3 of them). honestly though, usually just dorky memelords who wanna argue with you about politics and music using alien conspiracies as supporting evidence.

Sagittarius: oh you fiery eyed beauties. the independent ones are the best ones. they can talk all kinds of shit and not give a fuck better than anyone and its amazing so long as you’re not on the receiving end of it. the lazier ones are usually more clingy and unsure of themselves and usually use that fiery energy on their loved ones and themselves which isnt as fun. they are the greatest best friends. they know exactly what to say and when and they are the type of person where if you tell them you got cheated on they’ll go find the bastard and light their car on fire. essentially, a punk rock sagittarius can’t be topped by anyone. just stay away from the alcohol because you are so prone to being an alcoholic like please stop we love you.

Capricorn: usually very sweet. like to the point where you wonder if they’re “okay.” they will put up with some ridiculous shit from people. if you need emotional support though ask a capricorn because they will be there. usually like to keep in charge of themselves and accomplish their goals in their own kind of strange ways. usually neat and clean and smell good. they’ll buy you pizza and not ask to pay it back. if you upset one enough to leave your life then you’ve fucked up big time because they will put up with just about anything.they are precious keep them close and protected. I only met one i didnt like and they literally ended up the person i dislike most out of the whole human race that I’ve met. so i guess this means they’re just as capable of being complete asswipes as they are being squishy marshmallows.

Source: nanothestrange

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jenhrding · 5 years ago

Text

dead to me season 2; a review

hello, i need to write about this because i woke up at 4am to watch season two and i have soooo many feelings that i need to vent even if nobody really cares

this is gonna be long so i divided it by episode and i'm doing a summary at the end if you don't feel like reading the entire thing

if you follow me on twitter you may have seen a lot of my comments on the season, as i needed to tweet about it while i watched it, but this is more of an organized type of thing

A LOT OF SPOILERS AHEAD

> i'm a die hard judy/jen shipper so if you liked michelle this might not be for you, i'm sorry

EPISODE 1

okay, the season picks up on the morning after ted's death and that was something i really appreciated. i usually hate when tv shows skip things and only mention what happened, not showing us how it happened

judy and henry's relationship warms my heart. they have a really strong bond and i'm glad we got to see more of them together throughout the episodes.

but, as we can't have everything, it hurt me a lot to see the way jen was treating judy. i love them both equally and because of that i can clearly see their mistakes without being biased, or at least i hope i can. i get that she was hurt with everything that judy did, and i loathed steve deeply, but still, the guy was his ex-fiancee, and she loved him to death even if he was a toxic piece of crap. the way jen said she was just there to pick up stuff and then told her she burned everything without even looking at her made me so sad for judy, and her dropping judy off saying they would never talk again was very cold, but that i would've seen coming from jen.

i was constantly feeling bad for judy because she didn't have time to mourn steve or abe and there she was, broke and without a place to stay. and let's just say, abe was an angel in her life even after he died. props to him for treating her like she deserved to be treated.

the thing with michelle started and it seemed a bit forced to me, like they just wanted to shove judy to someone else so we would stop asking for jen & judy being together.

and then jen called judy and i just KNEW that was happening, that scene really made me happy and it felt like they were taking a step forward in their relationship. jen worries about judy so much, even if she's not the best at showing it.

"like an excuse to see me again." "did it work?"

EPISODE 2

steve's twin thing was 100% so they wouldn't have to kick james out. it was very predictable and unnecessary. i guess it added a bit to the plot but his presence really annoyed me. but, i need to say, james did a nice job because ben didn't have any of steve's traits (i know that's what actors are supposed to do but i felt like he needed a compliment).

diana was irritating me from the beginning, and i'm glad i got to like her more by the end of everything.

i didn't get the deal with nick. i know breakups are hard but he looked depressed af. maybe it had to do with his history, everything with his friend and him losing his job and stuff. but i'm not really interested in that so it didn't bother me.

and may i just add? the scene with judy and the bird, she truly is a princess, i can't with her. also, i liked the subtle hint when jen told ben not to climb on the freezer because it was too low, and we would come to find out later that steve's body was in that freezer.

episode two had a lot of fun moments and it was a lighter one, maybe to prepare us for the chaos that was coming next.

"you look beautiful. i wish you would love yourself more."

EPISODE 3

judy hugging the freezer got me ????? i know she's an espiritual person but was she really acting like steve was feeling anything? i was confused, honesly, but i don't blame her "she will never do anything wrong :)"

the rats scene was funny but i hated how long they took to solve the freezer thing and just showed jen going there and crying sooo many times it kinda got tiring.

jen was being so nice to judy, touching her and hugging her and i had my hopes up for a little bit (only to get played again but i'll talk about that later).

the scene with michelle was cute, kinda necessary for judy to realize things about her grief, but sincerely speaking she just makes me very bored.

the breakdown scene in the garage was GREAT, linda and christina did an amazing job and i want to give them all of the awards.

"just wanted to tell you that i forgive you."

EPISODE 4

this episode had so much potential to be gay lmao, i could actually picture jen trying to comfort judy and end up kissing her and then they would've been together and all, but liz really doesn't want to give us what we want.

the scene at the bar was one of the best scenes in this season. they finally TALKED about their feelings. about how they still cared about both of the men who hurt them even if they were still mad at them for being shitty guys, and that was so important, love really does weird things to us.

and the dancing scene was EVERYTHING!!!! plus, they slept in the same bed even though there were two beds in the room, so...

judy hugging henry because of his bird = my heart cried they really are mother and son

jen telling judy that she could say goodbye and LINDA's SINGING!!!!!!!! a big yes for me

"will you be my person?" "yes, i will be your person."

EPISODE 5

hated this one. jen telling judy she needed space was hurtful, specially because judy was planning a day to make her feel better.

i just really hated this one. jen and ben is a NO, and judy with michelle was bothering me.

the highlight of it, for me, was when jen called judy to help her with charlie because, well, he is his mom too.

plus: the car burning scene was hot.

EPISODE 6

judy and jen talking to charlie like his moms was sooo nice i liked that scene a lot.

the voicemails steve left judy were disgusting. i hate that guy so much and i'm glad he's dead (sorry) and not able to hurt her anymore. we only want happy and safe judy here.

jen was jealous when judy mentioned her "new friend" you can't change my mind on this one.

i actually thought judy and michelle were gonna kiss in the car, but i appreciated that liz dragged it a little bit more.

i loved most of the arcade scenes, specially the ones with their family. i liked how they portrayed jen's relationship with the boys getting good again but didn't drag it on for too long, i think it was quite nice the way they did it.

and no, i'm not here for judy and michelle even though linda looks very hot while kissing another woman.

EPISODE 7

um, judy and michelle slept together and i was not happy. in fact, i made a lot of tweets complaining about it and twitter actually put me on limit for a few minutes. her saying "i love you" felt so forced and fake, i don't know, maybe it's cause i just don't like them together.

i was really appreciating scenes with jen and charlie, even if i don't like him very much. it felt good to see their relationship developing and getting better again because i do love a mother-son plot.

"of all the lesbians in lagoona" (jen included if i may add). this scene really showed a trust between them that i missed, jen telling judy she couldn't see michelle anymore and even though judy was upset she agreed with it because she knows jen only wants what's best for her.

it really hurt me to see that girl pregnant, because i know how much judy wanted a baby and for her to have five miscarriages and have to see that other woman pregnant with steve's baby must've hit her hard.

hated jen and ben together. honestly, it felt so weird to have jen kiss the guy who looks so much like the guy she killed, so, i did not like that.

judy's speech to diana was really important. it really showed more of who she is, really, a person who just tries all the time to do everything right and keeps fucking it up (like myself, i'd say), and i liked that scene a lot, specially when she goes to pick up the plastic bags hahaha.

EPISODE 8

this one showed a bit of why we should've been prepared for episode nine.

jen and judy's first scene was really good. they started it fighting but the ending was so lovely and just showed us how much they love each other and the things they'd give up for the other one to be happy.

i really hated how michelle treated judy on this episode. judy didn't have to tell her anything right away, they were together for five seconds. (or maybe i'm overreacting because i love judy way too much and hate seeing her being mistreated).

the end of this episode showed a lot of phone calls that made me confused and it had a few cliffhangers that i found to be a bit unnecessary. the show is interesting enough and i think liz overdid the cliffhangers a bit in this season, but it wasn't something that deeply bothered me.

EPISODE 9

i have a lot to say about this one so just take a deep breath before i vent lmao.

jen and ben fucked. which i thought was unnecessary and out of character for her. i really didn't see jen sleeping with a guy who has the same face as the guy she killed, and the scene where she looks at ben and remembers steve's dead body was so weird.

plus, i wish they would've gotten deeper into jen's mastectomy story. the only mention to it in this season was when she was in the bathroom, and she couldn't even bring herself to look in the mirror. it was unlike her to sleep with some stranger after that, since she's so ashamed of it, and it made me sad that the first person to see her naked after surgery (besides ted) wasn't judy, who she actually trusts. i didn't need jen to talk about it, because i know her character doesn't like to talk feelings, but the scene where she was alone could've been longer and showed a bit more of her story.

they showed so much of judy's background in the last two episodes and i loved it! i like how they were slowly revealing why her character acts the way she does. we knew she didn't like to be alone, but now we know that it's because she was alone most of her life, and because of that she clings to anyone who shows a bit of interest in her. therefore, why she didn't like nick that much and still tried to make things work out with him, and when steve showed her a little bit more of compassion, she went back to him. and now it's michelle, who she started seeing right after jen told her she needed space. judy is codependent, and i liked to understand her relationship with her mother so i could understand her relationship with others.

jen's scene at city hall was so important and powerful. first, i was afraid she might embarrass herself but she was incredible. the way she called andrew out not even scared if all the white men sitting there wouldn't believe a woman's harassment story, the way she talked about ted and ugh everything was great.

then, things started to go downhill. jen's relationship with the boys started declining again and it broke my heart (but i liked how henry asked for judy because he was sad and wanted to see her). and this anticipated what i elected (as if i have any room to say anything) to be the best scene of the show.

the garage scene. i have so many feelings towards it but at the same time i don't know how to express them.

first, judy said she was going to take the blame for charlie and that right there is what a mom would do (and finally they talked about judy's s*icide attempt). besides that, judy said that jen had a family and she couldn't lose that family, and then we realize how much it hurt her when her mom said she didn't have a family of her own (even though, in season one, jen said she was a part of their family).

linda and christina were brilliant in this bit. linda's expressions send me every time, and personally, i love it when she curses because it shows a side of her character that only comes out when she's really nervous and stressed, since she's always trying to see the good in everything. the way she raised her voice and said a lot of "fucks" really brought a different tone to the scene that we hadn't seen during the season.

jen had a lot of breakdowns during this season. but none of those were as exceptional as this one. ted fucked up her mind badly, and steve saying all those things triggered her to do what she did. imagine being married to a person for eighteen years and finding out, after his death, that he was cheating on you for a year and a half, that really must mess up with your self esteem and how you see yourself. jen is constantly thinking that everyone that she loves hates her and she ends up hating herself (as judy said "i wish you would love yourself more."). she is an extraordinary character and there's so much i still need to know about her.

now, here's something that bothered me. this scene was great, but i think jen was a bit out of character when she said "that's because you love anyone who just gives you a morsel of fucking attention, even if it's abusive. it's like you get off on it or something". honestly, the jen i know and have grown to love would never blame a woman for being abused, even if she was out of her mind for being upset. she saw how judy was mistreated by steve and she always knew he was toxic, but she would never say that to judy, as if she had any guilt on it.

this scene was so raw and chaotic but it was breathtaking, in a good way. judy's "i'm not like you" and their fight in front of the house, also judy's screams, everything was on point.

and then, jen got to see something we've been noticing for the past season and this one as well. when judy's stressed or hurt, she starts self-harming. it was never brought up before but it's something to watch out for. how many times did she curse at herself and hit herself in front of mirrors? and in the car she starts hitting herself really strongly when she's asking jen to stop. now, i don't know which part of her history this has to do with but i'd really like for them to get more into this, as it seems like a great storyline.

jen watching judy sleep and putting her hair behind her ear was so gay pure and i loved this scene so much.

EPISODE 10

what jen did for her family was beautiful, even if it didn't start that well. now, about her letter to judy, i sobbed so much reading that one.

this episode said a lot about diana's humanity. her and jen's talk about their mothers showed another side of her that i really liked. and i'm a sucker for motherhood storylines, so i cried a lot during that scene.

i liked this episode a lot too. loved to see charlie so worried about his mother for once in his life, and how well judy handles things as a mother.

now this is where i get mad. the scene where jen and judy are talking outside was the perfect setting for them to confess feelings. michelle felt like something that judy needed to replace steve, so it wouldn't last anyway (me hoping that she's not showing up on season 3), and because she had that experience, now she could love jen in a healthier way, in a way that maybe she couldn't before. there were so many 'i love you's and so many hugs and touches and no kiss and i was sad.

i loved the way jen said that judy needed to learn how to say no (and also, can she please stop saying sorry all the time? she's always making herself sad to make others happy-- i can't stop seeing myself in her). and it was genius how they used this thing to make her say no to her mom, who only wanted to see her to get out of prison, it showed her strenght.

the way they picked up jen's grief for her mom was really nice, i'd also like to learn more about that in the future. we could really understand where her anger comes from and why she despises herself so much.

and, baby, let me tell you, judy hale is a GENIUS. the money inside the paintings? i never saw that coming and i was so happy watching that scene! specially when she showed jen and they held hands. :(

charlie found the letters and he's finally getting to know what actually happened to his father (i'm guessing), and i wanna see his reaction. and i'm so here for their vacation! "talk to me like lovers do!" she really just keeps playing with my heart. (and jen calling judy "judes" was really cute.)

the last scene was something. them talking about the sign and then ben hitting them because he was drunk? i wasn't expecting that. and, as i said before, liz likes a good cliffhanger, but this one didn't seem that harsh. if she wanted to, she could've just left us in the dark about whether jen was alive or not, but she didn't, and i appreciated that.

i still don't know if this leaves room for another big storyline, maybe this should be something to be solved in the first two episodes of season three so they could jump into something more exciting, i don't know.

"i love you more than wine. thank you for loving me and our boys."

OVERALL THOUGHTS

i liked this season a lot. it felt a lot different from season one, the settings, the air. it was a bit more chaotic, i must say, and i do think they could've maybe chilled for a little bit and left the high point of stress being only on episodes 9 and 10. literally, everything was happening, all the time, and the only time they had to breathe was when they went dancing that night.

there was a shift in my feelings, for sure. last season i picked up on a lot of judy's mistakes and things she did that bothered me. this season, i did that more with jen, but i still love them so much istg i'd die for them (not to sound dramatic or anything lmao). it's just that last season i identified a lot more with jen's anger and behaviors, and in this one a saw a lot of myself in judy, and that might've prevented me from criticizing them as much in their respective moments.

i love this show to death, and i'm just waiting for award nominations that i'm sure will come. let's just hope that, this year, they also acknowledge linda's brilliant acting and even give both of them some awards.

this is me, (im)patiently waiting for a season 3 confirmation and i'm sure i'm just gonna rewatch everything for the next year like i did with season one.

i needed to talk about this season, and twitter doesn't give me enough space to do that, but this is not something i usually do. if you read all of this, you're brave, and i'm thankful for your attention.

now, can liz please make judy and jen girlfriends?

#dead to me #judy hale #jen harding #spoilers #linda cardellini #christina applegate #netflix #netflix show

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lockdownuk · 5 years ago

Text

Lockdown Diary Part 6

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 151: Great hour or so last night around Foggy’s. When I got home I watched World War Z and some stand up by Nate Bargatze and drank and smoked loads. Today, I got up just before 2pm and felt soooo unmotivated. I was going to have a day of doing fuck all but had a change of heart around 7pm so did my stair climb then walked for over an hour (7km) and got home at 9:30pm!

Day 152: Typing on day 153. I popped up and saw Foggy last night. One of the reasons was I wanted to take him a beer to say thanks for looking over my mitigation statement for my impending court hearing for speeding. He liked what i wrote but has given me some key amendments. Basically free solictor advice and I am very grateful. While there he hit me with the news that Ham’s sister, Preeya, has died (last Friday 14th August) from Covid 19. To say i was gobsmacked is an understatement. She was 49. The family could only talk to her over a loud speaker and had to say good bye that way as her life support was swithced off. Fucking hell, it’s terrible. And, what makes it worse, is how complacent I have become about the disease while it’s causing so much tragedy. As I said to Foggy, it’s important to renew our efforts in combatting this disease so that Preeya’s death at least means we learn. I also feel guilty for not realising that many people have passed like this - just because I (sort of) knew Preeya doesn’t mean I shouldn’t feel any less sorry for the dozens of people dying and many more affected everyday. My emotions are in turmoil and yet I’m not directly affected.

Day 153: Typing this on day 154. Gone midday before I woke up. Beers in the evening and watched Den of Thieves. Great film.

Day 154: Woke up at 2:37 pm FFS. Just done a walk and I feel like shit (booze induced).

Day 155: Went to bed at about 4am yesterday but was up at 10am today so, usual Monday correction of sleep patterns. Two long walks today plus a little housekeeping on photos, sharing to the Oundle chatter group, so, quite constructive. Hoir chat with dad plus a chat with a recruitment agemt about a helpdesk manager role in Peterborough.

Day 156: Typing on Day 157. I saw Karen sitting with TTP (and two others I couldn’t make out) at the T&K on my second walk. Why does that piss me off so much? I am being like Jack in Midnight Run. I need to let go.

I am also getting wound up with Tumblr - I can only make entries on this diary blog on the PC - when I try on the Android or Apple apps, they pop up with ‘post too long’. Trying getting info from Tumblr’s online help on that though - fucking not happening. I think I might move this to a Google Blog...it’s not like anyone else reads it. I’m not sure I’d want that - it’s far more a private diary now rather than the cute ‘blog’ idea it started out as. It is now a disciplinary exercise more than anything.

Day 158: Feeling less sorry for myself now. It’s 10pm and I am having a midweek beer as I wait for tea to cook.

Day 159: Decided I will split this diary into 30 day sections to appease Tumblr. My second walk today was at 8pm ‘cos it was pissing down from about 4pm ‘til 7:30pm...very dark and so wet. Home by 9.15pm.

Day 160: I went shopping in Corby (Tesco and Asda) - I only really went so I could get blue eggs. £75 on booze! I was going up to Fog’s tonight but at around 6pm it started to piss down. So, I shall drink at home. It’s 9.15pm, I think it’s going to get messy.

Day 161: Not sure when I wnet to bed last night but I didn’t get up until 2pm. Nice long walk (9km) in the rain!

Banners and Sam G went to London to have a few with Andy P. I’m a little flabbergasted, it’s like there’s no Covid19 all a sudden.

Day 162: Bank holiday Sunday so I am having a beer or two. Tea’s cooking, gonna watch The Accountant on BBC1 at 10.30pm. Today I got up at 1.55pm and managed to have a shower and be downstairs to see the start of the Belgian GP. Hamilton won, pretty easily. I then did my stair climb and a 9.8km (6 mile) walk.

Last night I watched a rather quirky, entertaining comic horror film called Ready or Not and then Ricky Gervais - Fame. That’s the tour I saw him live after seeing Henman’s final tennis match at the Davis Cup at Wimbledon. Bloody funny - the recording could even be the show Karen and I were at. Bed at around 5am, hence not egtting up ‘til way past midday!

Day 163: Bank Holiday Monday, just like a Sunday. I am making this entry on my phone as I'm now able to due to breaking up the diary blog into 30 day sections.

Molly's Game, a film I've tried to rewatch several times but it's never been free, is on BBC2 tonight. I'm recording it right now but actually watching Seinfeld from the start on All4. The first couple of episodes are a bit ropey if truth be told. Luckily, I know it improves.

Day 164: Managed to get hold of Michelle via her daughter Daisy to place a nice big order for C. Just as well ‘cos Tim’s ignoring me!

Rang and spoke with Barry Haddon today to check he’s OK.

Day 165: Picked up C from Michelle’s in Yarwell. While there I was mauled by her over friendly Staffordshirebull terrier getting bit on the thigh. Twice in six months I’ve been bitten by dogs.

Karen WhatsApp’d to see if I’d seen Miley Cyrus on the Live Lounge!

Day 166: Forgot to say that yesterday, I also bumped into and chatted with Pete Gilder. We mainly talked about (getting caught) speeding.

Today I did over 22k steps and I am fucked.

I replied to an email from Shirley at work HR. After the furloughed staff call on Thursday, which I didn’t attend, they want us to cash in some (more) hoilday, which is fine by me, but I have also asked if we are any clearer as to what happens on 1st October, when the rentention scheme ends. I await her reply.

Day 167: Another 20k stpes today. Just 24k needed to have completed 1m steps since the start of July.

It’s Friday, about 9.45pm. I’m going to watch Molly’s Game and have a few beers.

Day 168: Got up at just before 2pm. It’s now 10.15pm and I am just having my first beer, Today was a lazyish day, completed 12k steps.

Day 169: Completed the 1m steps with 24 days to spare. Woohoo. Now, I am unsure whether to reduce the walking I have got so used to doing? I think I might keep up an average of 11k steps a day which is all I would have needed to accomplish to reack 1m in 3 months.

I’m pleased I did it today since I :went to bed a nearly 5am this morning!

Day 170: Actually typing this on day 171. Feels weird having done the 1m steps, almost like I’ve nothing to do. However, I am of course going to keep walking but not quite as hard/much. I did feel liek I was walking myself into the ground all in the name of finishiong the task ASAP. So, today I only had one walk, did 11,5k.

Yesterday’s Italian GP was a cracker. Hamilton had a penalty and ikt ended up with Gasly winning. Full of incident including a red flag so the race ‘restarted’.

I completely forgot ot make this entry on the correct day?

Day 171: I have decided to press on with the walking - not quite so urgently as before - to see what I can achieve steps-wise in 3 months. So, today, an unusually hot day for September, I did 18k steps plus cleaned the bathroom, hoovered my room and stairs and hallway. I am fucked!

Today I have bought a set of smart scales and a new pair of Skechers. The Skechers were almost free (£69 reduced to £30ish which I had in Paypal) and the scales were £20. Still, I shouldn’t. I don’t know what will happen at the end of October when the CJRS ends plus I don’t know what punsihment will be dished out, any day now, for the speeding offence! Fuck it!

Day 172: An eventful day. Boris has restricted gatherings to no more than 6 people and will use ‘Covid Marshalls’ to police this. It’s causing a stir amongst the online community. I have set up accounts with Gurushots and Picfair to showcase my snaps. The latter offers the opportunity to sell them. I watched Anchorman 2. It was pretty good. I also postd on the Oundle chatter group about walking in front of a car the other day - the driver, a yound lady, was enchanting the way she just smiled and let me pass - I used it as an opportunity to ask about George Higgins saving a child from near death at the hands of a lorry, the post about which has disappeared.

Day 173: Lots have seen my post re: my car incident but the bait hasn’t been taken.

Sarah Haines made a nice comment about my photo posts on the Oundle Chatter group also saying that she doesn’t know me but, it turns out she does. She is James Watson’s ex from when I first moved to Oundle so we caught up on Messenger.

Rachel Harris posted a meme slating Boris about the fact we were all encouraged to go out and about (inclding the Eat Out to Help Out scheme) and now we are being sent back to ‘our room’. Some of the comments continue to slate the government. I couldn’t resist commenting that, had the royal ‘we’ maintined social distancing and remembered there’s a fucking pandemic, perhaps we might not be under impending severe lockdown, as it now looks like. I also mentioned photos I have seen (one posted by Rach herslf) whereby you could be mistaken for thinking that there isn’t a pandemic. I have finished the comment with a line about we can only blame ourselves, not the hapless government! I wonder what reaction that will get!

Day 174: Scales were delivered today. If they are accurate I am a little over 11 stones, from 12st 7lbs before lockdown. Can’t quite believe it. I have a yearly diabetic review with Lynne in October so i can check then. If the scales are wrong, I’ll be livid on 2 scores!

Friday night beers as I type. Been looking forward to them since last Saturday!

Day 175: I do not trust the new scales. I get a different reading each time I step on them and by 10-12 lbs. Fucking things. Boots arrived today - they’re going back as well. Footy season started today. Posh lost away to Acrrington Stanley. “Who are they?”

Day 176: The GP was reflagged again today (a new track at Tuscany. A red flag two races on the trot is most unusual. Hamilton won.

Day 177: I managed to get the scales working. I’m pretty much the same weight I was prior to ld (about 12.5 st). This leads me to believe that if I wasn’t doing all the walking I am, I would be as fat as a fucking house. On that note, Google Fit is playing up. It loses the step and heart point count for each walk (although the workouts retain the route map info) Wtf?

I think K and TTP might be a thing from a post I saw on FB whereby some chap (who I don’t know) commented on TTP’s post that it was nice to see him and K. Kinda gutted if it is true but I shouldn’t be. That’s all I will say on here.

Day 178: Jim contacted me today to let me know he’s leaving RCI. He was quite secretive about why and what’s going on but, there it is. He went on to say that HR will be contacting me shortly to call me back from furlough. Sueanne is taking over as team leader but that’s temporary. and that they will most likely promote from within. I struggling to think what it would be like if Mark was boss! The way RCI are and how disjointed it is with Jim as boss, I shan’t take it as read until HR do contact me. Also, I dunno how I feel about it...I have got so used to not working. But, and it’s a big but, I doubt I’ll have a job after the retention scheme finishes so, if this does pan out, it’s good. I’ll be back to job hunting while in a job, as per before the pandemic.

Also, I received an email letting me know the punishment for my speeding offence was 6 points and a £233 fine, plus costs (£90) and victim support (£34), £357 in total. More than I expected. But, no ban, so I’ll suck it up.

Day 179: Having midweek beers. I'm in that sort of mood.

Day 180: I WhatsApp’d Jim to let him know HR haven’t contacted me. His garbled response went from telling to give them a shout and let them know he is leaving, to which I asked ‘don’t they know?’, he then said hold fire (on Sueanne’s instruction) and she has said for me to sit tight and then, finally, that HR will contact me! Fuck knows what’s going on! I had a diabetic review with Lynne today. When you go to the surgery you have to let in, which I was by Keren. It was nice to see and chat with her. She is back with Ronnie which was news to me. Then Lynne came and got me. It was nice to see and chat with her also. She weighed me and I’m 12st 3lb. Apparently in Jan last year I was over 13st!

#diary #Tumblr diary #lockdown #covid19 #lockdownuk

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darcypalmer · 5 years ago

Photo

@diegojaimechavez and Gen take a four hour drive to US Marshall offices right after Vivien Salazar got captured, emotions overflow

Despite how fruitless it was, there was something reassuring in seeing Darcy wanting to reply and talk back with Juliana. After everything that happened, she still had that spark in her that was argumentative. This was quite possibly one of the worst times to be argumentative, but that wasn't the point. At least she still felt it, as opposed to feeling nothing at all.

He knew numbness would settle into Gen, eventually. More than ever, Diego felt an urge of his own, to watch her carefully, even more obsessively than he had in the past.

The funny thing was, after getting closer to Darcy - Gen, dammit. Darcy was long gone now - he'd stopped watching her as closely, under some foolish believe that giving her some space and loosening the leash would make things easier for her. He wasn't sure what contributed more to leading them here, but it was hard to discern victory and failure right now. Victory because Vivien Salazar was alive and arrested. Failure because...of everything else.

The truth was, Phoenix' last words had stung. Everything else he'd accused Diego of could roll off him like water off a duck's back, because Diego knew Pheonix' accusations were a product of rage and ignorance. It was just the rantings of a kid who needed someone to blame, and had always wanted a reason to hate Diego. And even if Phoenix wasn't accurate about Vivien either, the kid's vitriol did make Diego evaluate his own worth and merit, and find himself severely lacking.

But he could wallow later, once Gen was safe once more. And hopefully, once she was free.

Gen finally detached herself from wading too deep into the ugly morass of Juliana and Phoenix's animosity. Diego couldn't blame Gen for wanting to stand there and take it, like a penitent getting flagellated. Gen's guilt had steeped inside her for four years. And as damning as it was, hearing those accusations out loud probably felt like vindication for all that guilt and self-hatred that tore Gen up at night. She hated herself and lo: she was right to do so. Because Juliana and Phoenix - these kids she adored, and held up to levels of near-purity in their love - hated her too. If people so impeccably wonderful could hate her, then her own worst fears were true: she was blighted and cursed, and too damaged for love.

Diego saw all of this, as he led Gen to the car. He spoke with Al, or rather did some convincing first before Al reluctantly agreed. What Diego didn't realize was that as he observed so much in Gen, his boss observed Diego, and Al worried but said nothing just yet.

Opening the car, Diego beckoned Gen inside. "I'm taking you to the office, it's going to be a few hours drive. You want anything first? A cup of coffee or something?" Diego motioned over to the Evanstead cops. "Where there's cops, there's always doughnuts and coffee."

_______________________

As they walked out the building, Gen was suddenly it by an overwhelming and overtaking numbness and tiredness and all she wanted to do was curl up somewhere quiet where she can be alone and possibly sleep. Sleep sounded so good, and then she remembered that she hasn't properly slept in years and her dreams were probably now waiting for her with all new kinds of hells, so she quickly decided against it. As if she actually had a decision in this matter...

She leaned against Diego's car as she watched Diego spoke with somebody for a few moments - was this Al, his boss, or was it somebody else? Would Al even come down here from Texas for all of this? Either way, Diego looked tired, bruised and hurt, but he also looked focused and determined to convince the guy of something. She wondered what it could be about, she wondered just how pissed he was at her about everything under the calm exterior of his, she wondered just how she could convey him just how grateful she felt for everything he's done - both today and through all of this. How she could convince him that just because Juliana and Phoenix were angry and said some things, none of this was his fault, none of it was his incompetence or being bad at his job. He did the best he could with the cards he was dealt with - in this case her and her stupid recklessness.

It took her a few moments to realize that DIego finished his conversation and he was coming over to her, talking to her now. "What? Oh, I could use some coffee, that could go a long wa--" She gave him a look, finally realizing just what he told her before he asked about the coffee. "What do you mean you're taking me? You're not thinking about driving, right? Because you got beat up pretty badly and again, you could have a consussion, there's no way I'm letting you drive like that, Diego. You can just tell me where we're going and I can drive us there." And to emphasize her point, she held out her palm, demanding the car keys.

_______________________

With a motion of his hand towards one of the cops, they reluctantly brought over a single cup of black coffee. Diego took it with a wry thanks, taking a gulp first before handing the styrofoam cup to Gen. "I'm fine," he said stubbornly, getting in quickly because he had the keys and he knew Gen might try to demand them . Somehow, sitting inside the car meant she couldn't take the keys. Somehow...well, it made sense in his mind.

"Just get in, will you? You're not driving anywhere, you've been through some shit, in case you don't remember. Stare out the window and zone out for a bit. But drink your coffee first. We'll get some food when we get to the county office." A pause, and then he beckoned, "C'mon Gen."

It felt weird, saying her actual name out lout, outside. It didn't feel natural, which was a disturbing thought that Diego didn't want to think about right now. "Besides, I know the way to get there, and you don't. I'll be fine. Driving helps me concentrate, hm? If I'm not driving, I'll just get carsick."

_______________________

Gen gave him an appreciative smile as she took the coffee from him which quickly turned into an annoyed expression when she realized that Diego practically ran away from her and quickly jumped into the driver's seat just so she wouldn't argue with him. Even though she had a point, a really good point, she knew.

She opened the car door to the passanger side and without sitting in first she just said, "You know, you're a piece of work, Diego Chavez." But he was already sitting in the driving seat and it's not like she could drag him out of there and take the car key away from him, so she got in with a small huff. "But only because you say it helps you concentrate. And I'm still on the opinion that you should get yourself checked by a doctor first, just to make sure you're okay."

She settled into the seat and started sipping the coffee while the warehouse slowly got smaller and smaller behind them and the numbness slowly crept back. Their bickering managed to make her forget about everything for a few moments and felt like things were... somewhat normal, but the reality of what just transpired hit her like a rock once again. She really wished she could just forget about it all instead of replaying the way Juliana said she hated her, how Vivien held the gun at Diego determined to kill him, how much hate there was in Phoenix's voice when he made her promise never to speak to them again, how all of this could have been prevented if she just stayed on her ass and didn't go to LA, how---

"Who did you talk to? Back at the warehouse?" she asked Diego curiously, hoping that any kind of conversation would distract her and make her forget, even if just for a few moments. "Was that your boss, Al, or somebody else?"

_______________________

"The paramedic checked me out," Diego lightly protested, pulling down the car mirror and giving his face a tentative pat before they drove off. "Paramedics are like mini-doctors, aren't they? Close enough..." Gen sat there with her hand loosely resting on her thigh, and Diego glanced over at it, gathering the gumption to reach out and take her hand. Just to hold it, just for that physical connection to ground her. As if she was like a kite, about to float off into the atmosphere.

But then her hand balled up into a fist, and Diego knew her mind had shifted back to the reality that neither of them could avoid. He exhaled, and focused on the road ahead, reaching the exit for the highway. "That was Al Karga, my boss," Diego said with a nod. "I'm sorry I didn't make introductions then, but you'll see him when we reach county. He's meeting us there. I just wanted to get some time to...to talk with you and..."

Diego glanced over at Gen. "I know what was going on, last night...er. I mean this morning. I was supposed to come over for some training, but she was there instead and you - the two of you...." Diego reached over to Gen, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from the glove compartment. He put the cigarettes on her lap, motioning for her to light one up for each of them.

"Gen, you have to tell me how Vivien Salazar showed up in your apartment at 4 in the morning. I'm not accusing you of anything - I know it wasn't planned or anything, or you wouldn't have agreed to meet me at 4am this morning. I just want to know what happened."

_______________________

And there it was. The topic they probably would have discussed earlier already if Juliana wasn't kidnapped and the one topic Gen wished she didn't have to talk about. Partly because she didn't really have answers to Diego and partly because she was more than not happy with herself about how she reacted to certain things.

She slowly sank into the seat and looked at the coffee cup in her lap, unpopping and popping the lid of the cap off and back on just so she could do something with her hands. "I don't know, Diego. I know... I know this sounds stupid and technically speaking I can remember the steps that lead me to everything, but I also don't really know what happened. Which I know makes no sense whatsoever, but I don't really know how else to explain."

She took a quick glance at Diego before she looked away again. She didn't want to see the anger and the disgust he must have felt over her choices, that would have been too much at this point. "I-- She showed up before you and I thought you came early knowing I would probably be awake anyway or something, so I went to open the door and there she was. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I passed out somewhere in the apartment and I was living in some sick dream or my mind reached its capacity and it broke and now I was seeing things. And Then somewhere in the mids of it I realized that she was real but it still felt just a fucking dream and I just... I don't know, Diego, it just happened. I don't have a logical explanation for why I did it except maybe for a little bit my brain thought that if she was alive, all of the pain and the suffering could be erased and things could go back to the way things were before everything." Saying it out loud felt so ridiculous, so fucked up and untrue, she didn't have any idea how she could think that even just for a single moment, but that was the best explanation she could give.

"And then you showed up and reality hit and then... well, here we are, I guess." The lid of the cup broke as she kept popping and unpopping it and she just stared at it for a little bit before she spoke again. "I'm not proud of it. I know-- I know I fucked up, I know I never should have done it, I am kind of disgusted of myself that I could ever... I keep wrecking my brain how I could ever love her." SHe shook her head, her voice breaking a little bit. "How could I not see just how horrible of a person she is. But she wasn't like this when we were together. And I think up until today I somehow convinced myself that all of it, all the gang involvement must have been something that was forced upon her, that she couldn't get out of it for some reason or another but deep down she is actually a good person. What other explanation would be for how I never saw any of it, you know? But no, she showed her teeth today and I just-- she wanted to fucking kill you," se exclaimed. "She kidnapped Juliana and who the fuck knows what she's done to her while we didn't get here. She would have gone through anyone and anything without any remorse just to get to me and I--"

Her voice choked as she shook her head, burying her face into her free hand. SHe wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, she wanted to punch something, she wanted to get punched, she wanted to throw up, she wanted all of this to just go away. She wanted a break. Just five minutes she wanted to forget everything so she didn't have to feel everything that was swirling around inside of her.

_______________________

There was something intrinsic in Gen Soto that Diego understood well, because he could recognize it in himself - at least he was able to recognize it, after El Paso resulted in eight months of fighting with a trauma therapist. He thought he'd recognized it in Phoenix too, once upon a time. But now Diego figured the kid was simply had a purer, better, more righteous soul than Diego's, and perhaps even more than Gen's. Phoenix, for all his chaotic violence, wasn't dark inside. He was a good boy, candy-coated in a rough exterior.

And maybe Gen wasn't like this all her life either. Maybe her darkness, that curling, aching self-hatred that sabotaged herself and felt a bitter, repressed glory in being yelled at and punished, grew after her life all went to hell. After her innocent sister who Gen loved fiercely, was murdered in cold blood. After she was forced to relinquish her entire life for 'the greater good'. And what did that get her in the end? It left her with nothing. The FBI treated her like a witness, not a person. Any connections she'd desperately tried to make, were burned and salted now. Her only value lay in her testimony and now even that was in shambles, given that Vivien Salazar was alive.

And when a person was shown over and over that they were worthless, that they were bad, that they could only do wrong despite trying to damn hard to do right, eventually they began to believe it.

This, Diego understood.

He reached out and took her hand now, prying it away from the coffee cup. Diego drove silently, glad for the uncomplicated long stretch of relatively quiet highway as he laced his fingers with Gen's. "Hold on, alright? Just hold on," Diego told her. Whether he was referring to Gen holding onto his hand or holding on to a thread of sanity, remained unclear.

He remained quiet for a long while, processing all of this. "She might tell the FBI what happened," Diego gandered, finally. "She might say that you and her slept together. She might do whatever she can to throw you under the bus, if she's bent on taking you down with her. On the other hand, she might not say anything, if she feels she wants to keep that one...memorable memory between the two of you to herself. I don't know what she'll do, but if we - if you say one thing and she says another, it won't look good on you. Not to the FBI."

Diego glanced at her, and he kept talking, trying to engage her before she completely slipped away. "But Al will know better how to handle the Feds. I'll talk to him and - and I'll tell him what happened, all of it. Karga doesn't judge people. Or...well he does, but it doesn't influence his job. He's a good person, Gen, you can trust him to work in your best interests. And you know that I'm working in your best interests too, hm." He gave her hand a squeeze. "You know that, right. I can't promise anything, but I'm not letting you go without a fight. Or unless you want me to."

_______________________

Gen was lost in her bitter, boiling self-hatred that got ten times worse in the last 12 hours, all of it pouring out of her after repressing it to make sure Juliana was safe and okay and Vivien couldn't hurt her anymore. Her or anyone she cared about. So Diego's fingers prying her hand off of the coffee cup and taking her hand caused shock in her entire body. He was asking her to hold on, he was trying to help her, after everything she's done and fucked up, he was still trying to help her and she didn't understand how he could have it in him to not just tell her that she fucked up and she deserved all of this was beyond her. She didn't deserve this, not the smallest bit of kindness from him and still he was offering it and fuck it she was selfish and she was taking it. She also didn't feel like she had it in her to push his hand away.

She didn't say anything, she just squeezed his hand in what hopefully Diego understood was a grateful and thankful movement and while he talked, she kept her eyes on their hands. Interviened together, wondering what she did to deserve him. She treated him so horrible over and over again, and somehow he still reached out to her, tried to help her. He was probably only doing it from a sense of duty, but it still didn't deminish any of it in Gen's eyes.

She shook her head. "She's going to tell them," she said quietly. "When everyone burst in and she realized that I wasn't actually alone, that I didn't want to go with her and brought the cops on her, she-- she tried shooting me." She could still hear the clicks of the gun as Vivien fired, the dread she felt in that moment, and how the expected pain just didn't come. "The gun was empty. I'm not sure how she didn't know, but she tried. And I could see the betrayal and hatred and desperation in her eyes. She's gonna tell the FBI everything. Probably make it seem like I was involved all along, I just lied very well."

And you know that I'm working in your best interests too, hm.

She didn't get it. She simply didn't get why and for the first time since this conversation started, she looked over at him to try to read his expression, try to get an insight into his thoughts and his brain and figure out why he was still being so nice. Aside from being a good person, which he was, one of the best she knew and she beat herself up over just how long it took her to realize it. How much time she wasted on stupid arguments with him instead of seeing through it all, instead of recognizing how lucky she was that Diego Chavez walked into her life. And even on the edge of him walking out of her life all over again he was doing everything in him to help her.

She really, really fucked things up with him.

"Why?" she couldn't help herself and asked. "Why would Al want to have my best interest in mind? He doesn't know me, all he could see was all of my fuck ups and how much shit I brought on you." She stayed silent for a moment, her hands never letting go of him during all of this before she added, her voice even quieter than before. "And why are you still helping me? Why are you still being so kind?"

_______________________

Diego would have believed Gen's assessment of what Vivien would do, but the added surprise when Gen revealed that Vivien had tried to shoot her dead...."Jesus," Diego breathed, as he thought about that high-intensity situation, how any small mistake could have cost Gen or Juliana or Phoenix their life. It was sickening, and Diego swallowed hard, pushing that thought down. Vivien Salazar knew she had a sniper pointed at her head, yet she still tried to kill Gen anyway. He'd thought Gen was safe, but even while he was taking down Vivien's associate, she still could've gotten shot.

Diego closed his eyes for a couple seconds, unwilling to let himself go down that path.

"Alright, then the best thing to do is tell them the truth, but from your side of it. I'll back you up, I can confirm your story since we were going to train this morning." He glanced at Gen for a moment, trying to think about how to bring up the other elephant in the car.

"And...about us. What we...er. What we'd been doing from the past couple of months. We don't have to say anything to Al or anyone, about that."

When Gen asked 'why' though, Diego was at first surprised to hear the question. "Why wouldn't he?" Diego asked, somewhat mystified. "This is his job. You have to be protected, no matter what. Even if that means..." Diego pressed his lips together here, knowing this would be difficult to say. But it had to be said. "Even if it means hurting some people's feelings. No one's feelings matter when it comes to something like this, Gen. Not yours, or mine, or - or anyone else's. I'm sorry but that's how it has to be in order to take down a criminal like Salazar. Her entire operation is hurting hundreds of people - physically harming and destroying lives, doing bad things. It needs to be stopped and you're one of those keys. If some people feel sad about you needing to do what's right, then there's nothing you or I can do. Because this is bigger than any of us."

He said all this, but Diego knew that wasn't the answer Gen wanted to hear. Maybe she could handle such a wide-scale response about Al's motivations towards helping her, but for Diego's motivations, it felt a little too broad. It was true, this was his job. And although 'duty' seemed to be a dirty word for other people, it was a badge of pride for Diego. But in Gen's case, it was somewhat different, and Diego knew it.

"I don't like seeing good people go down," he said first. "You don't deserve to be treated badly, you were a victim in all of this. I want to do what's right. And Gen," Diego did his spiel and it was all true; so he allowed himself to tell her a deeper truth. "If I can help in anyway to make sure that one day you can be happy again, then I'd be happy too."

_______________________

Gen nodded in understanding and agreement. It was going to be a shitshow, she already knew it, but it would be an even bigger shitshow if she tried to hide it from the FBI. And hopefully Diego's word would have a weight in the matter. They could judge her all they want, she would understand all of it, as long as they didn't think she was in on anything Vivien was doing. "Thank you."

When he brought up the two of them, she frowned, not understanding why he even thought anything else would be an option in her head. "Of course not. I wasn't going to-- I was never going to say anything. I wouldn't get you in trouble like that." She let out a small sigh and shifted in her seat so her body was more angled towards him and she could look at him properly. "Listen, we didn't do anything that resulted in anything bad. I know, I know you consider it wrong. I heard you loud and clear when we talked about it and I get it, we weren't supposed to do anything. But we were two consenting adults having a bit of fun together and then we decided to stop and none of it affected anything you did. Nobody aside from Ellis knows and nobody would actually believe him. I'm never going to say anything, I promise. I'm not going to-- fuck, it would be the biggest fuck you to you, Diego, if after all the help and kindness you shown me, I repay it by fucking your entire career up."

She listened to his words, and the way Diego put it so professionally made her feel a little bit better. This wasn't about her and how she fucked up, it was about making sure that nothing took the focus off of Vivien and locking her up and making sure that she wouldn't hurt anyone ever again.

But when Diego said that she didn't deserve any of it, her insides were rising up to defy him, to argue with him. It felt nice, to think that after everything he still didn't think so badly of her, but it also didn't feel right. "Diego, I fucked up. I wasn't a victim, I could have easily not gone to LA but I was so hell bent sure I was doing the right thing that I acted without thinking. And then I was the one who sle... who slept with Vivien. Nobody made me do it, she didn't force me, I just fucked up. I wasn't the victim, I consistently made bad decisions over and over again."

But he kept talking, and her heart skipped a beat when she heard his last words. If I can help in anyway to make sure that one day you can be happy again, then I'd be happy too. It sounded almost as if he cared. As if he actually cared about her more than just her being his job, more than just her being somebody he had a fling with. It sounded like he was trying to tell her...

Gen shut herself down immediately before she managed to finish that thought. He was definitely not saying anything like that to her. If anything, he was trying to say that he wanted to make sure she got out of all of this happily and in one piece so that once his assignment is over, he can know for sure that he did everything he could and he helped. Nothing else. There couldn't be anything else behind his words because it would make no sense. He'd truly have to be concussed if he was trying to tell her anything else than that.

But even just him trying to be a good person and trying to leave this better than when he arrived, she still felt like she didn't deserve any of it and felt overwhelmed by everything Diego was saying and doing for her in that moment. "You know, I really don't deserve any of it," she said and maybe she should have let go of his hand. She tried, she really did, but this was one comfort in that moment that she couldn't give up. "I never deserved you as a handler, especially not after the way I treated you, and certainly don't deserve any of this now, but thank you. For all your help and support. And I'm sorry, for everything. And I don't just mean the last 12 hours, I mean everything."

_______________________

"Darc- Gen, sorry," Diego shook his head roughly, as if trying to shake the name 'Darcy' from his mind. "Gen, people fuck up. You've had four years where you didn't fuck up, and no one could've predicted that Vivien Salazar was actually alive. We all thought she was dead. Maybe someone in the FBI knew the truth...I don't know. Government conspiracies are for Phoenix, not for me." It was a grim joke, but not yet bitter.

"So yeah - you fucked up, but the consequences were something that no one could have predicted, at all. I was mad at you for running off to LA like that, you know that. But even in my worst case scenario of that blowing up and making trouble, I didn't even consider that Salazar would return from the dead and show up in fucking Sunnymead. I mean...goddamn, the woman's been alive all this time? How the fuck did she manage to get shot and convince everyone she was dead, but she was just disappeared? I saw the photos of her dead on the apartment floor..." Diego knew Gen did as well, photos that the FBI probably showed her while they'd interrogated her, before she was put in witness protection.

"So what the fuck even happened, between the medical examiner proclaiming she was dead, and her managing to somehow get out of there alive? Whatever happened all those years back..." Dieog shook his head. "Okay, maybe Phoenix might have good reason to build those crazy conspiracies of his, because damn knows I can't fathom how we got from there to here."

He'd gone off on a tangent, but at least he could afford to with Gen. Because these were probably questions that she'd have too, eventually.

"Anyway. Point is, Gen, that despite what those kids say about 'you should have known better', they don't know the full story. You couldn't have known better than Vivien Salazar being fucking alive when she'd been dead right up until 13 hours ago."

He took a breath, then got off on an exit and pulled in to a McDonald's drive-thru, suddenly ravenous. They could afford the stop, it would only take a few minutes. "So yeah, you fucked up. But you fucked up at a hundred, and this blew up to a million. That's what I mean, by you don't deserve this. You don't deserve to find out that the woman you thought was dead, was actually alive all this time, and hunting you down like a dog out of some crazy fucking idea of love. You don't deserve to find out this same fucking woman killed your sister. You don't deserve - hold on - yeah, can I get two bacon muffin meals? Extra large coffees." Diego hollered out of his open window to the drive-thru speaker, before driving forward. He pulled out his wallet, to get his credit card.

"And don't give me that crap," he said, giving her a small, if somewhat sad smile. "You didn't treat me any worse than I treated you, and we both know that's true. You're just carrying on that curb-stomping that Phoenix and Juliana gave you over them getting swept up in this shit. Funny things about those kids is, I get the feeling they're more angry about being kept in the dark, than the actual kidnapping. It's like they think if they somehow knew you were in hiding and being hunted down, the kidnapping would be more bearable. Kids..."

Diego took the bags of food and coffee, handing it to Gen to give her something to do before driving off again. "Eat," he instructed her. "It's gonna be a couple more hours drive."

_______________________

"You don't have to call me-- you can call me Darcy, you know," she told him. "I know it must be weird to suddenly switch over, so you don't have to worry about that, you know." And Gen had a whole different meaning not so long ago. It was just between them, for their intimate and private moments only and hearing the name in such different context was already weird for her. Not to mention that the slip up... that is how she felt about herself in general.

"It's gonna sound weird cause I spent so much time wanting to get rid of Darcy and being able to just be me, but now that the possibility of being Genevieve Soto again, even if just for a little while, letting go of Darcy feels... strange. Hard. Not really sure how can I ever do it." She shook her head. "And yes, I do realize that I'm talking about two names as if it belongs to two different people it's just... weird in my head right now." More like fucked up in her head, but she probably didn't need to specify that. She was positive DIego was well aware of that at this point.

Diego sounded so... reasonable as he explained everything and took most of the blame off of Gen's shoulders. She was glad he didn't deny that she fucked up, she would have jumped in and argued with him about it until they reached their destination if she needed, but now she just listened and took it all in. Logically, she knew he had a point. But her mind and her heart was in such a bad place in that moment that she couldn't fully believe it, she was trying to find inconsistencies in everything he was telling her. Later she would realize that he was right, but in that moment she quietly disagreed with him while appreciating the sentiment that he was trying to do.

There was one thing that she remembered, though, prompted by his words. "Do you think Tyler Ellis is involved with them?" she asked, not really sure what to believe about the guy anymore. "He knew, Diego. I didn't believe him then, but he clearly knew Vivien was alive and looking for me. Do you think he could have had anything to do with her? Maybe not now, not about me, but Vivien said her people were tailing him, remember? Could it be that they had dealings in the past and Tyler fucked her over too? Or tried to at least?"

She was so wrapped up in their conversation, in Diego's words, she didn't even realize they got off the highland until Diego turned to give his order, making Gen look around in confusion only to realize they were in a McDonalds drive through. She wasn't going to say no to the coffee, though. That sounded like a great idea.

"I know we were shit to each other in the beginning, but I'm still sorry. And I'm especially sorry for the later bits. I feel like I promised you things and then went and did the opposite while I convinced myself that I was keeping my word. And it wasn't okay. And as for Phoenix and Juliana... they just thought they could trust me. And I lied to them from the first moment I met them. I know I didn't have a choice, but that doesn't mean they aren't right to be angry with me. I was supposed to be their friend and I spent all my time lying to them. I just wish... You know, it's really fucked up to say this, but I just wish if I had to leave, I could have left without them finding out like this. Without seeing the hurt in them." It would be something she'd carry with herself for the rest of her life for sure.

They got the food and the coffee, and when Diego told her to eat, she couldn't help the roll of her eyes. "You still just like bossing me around, don't you?" She put the food down to her legs, though, instead of actually eating, and took a sip of her coffee. "Maybe later, though. I doubt I could keep anything solid down right now and I'm assuming you don't want me throwing up in the car right now."

She looked out the window for a little while before she spoke again. "Do you think they'll drag Juliana into all of this, too? Make her testify about the kidnapping to make their case against Vivien one more layer stronger?"

_______________________

"Okay. Well..." Diego started to say about calling Gen by Darcy or her real name, but it seemed like she had a lot more to say on the subject. So Diego quieted and listened, intrigued by this glimpse into Gen's mind. It was an important topic albeit a harmless one, and Diego was glad for it. "Well, you are a very weird person," he said, gently teasing her. "But I don't really know how it feels, to be both people yet neither at the same time. You really did do your best to become Darcy Palmer, just like the FBI wanted you to be. Not everyone who gets put in witness protection has had that ability."

He figured from her silence that Gen didn't quite agree on his exhortations of her culpability (or lack thereof), but he didnt pursue it. It would be a conversation that would come up many times over, from different angles. All Diego could do was be present whenever Gen needed to bring it up. He just wanted to be that counterpoint to the doom and gloom that threatened to take over her psyche.

But at her question about Tyler Ellis, and the more Gen pointed out the man's possible involvement, the angrier Diego got. He reached out. "Gimme one a' them McMuffins," he said, his Texan accent sprawling out, before he took a bite of the sandwich. He ate for a moment, keeping the muffin in his lap while he carefully gulped down coffee. "Y'know what, I'll call Rita, get her on it," he decided. "And I'll mention it to Al as well. You make some good points, and if he had fucking anything to do with this then..." Diego shook his head. "Well, if I ever see him again, I'd like to rearrange his face. Worse than how Vivien rearranged mine."

His head was aching - his jaw getting stiff, one eye getting increasingly puffy, and his headache pounding. The coffee and food helped a bit, but Diego stubbornly kept driving. He didn't push Gen to eat, although he would again after about an hour or so, just so she could get something in her belly. Either that, or maybe she'd pass out from exhaustion, hopefully get an hour of dreamless sleep before waking up to the nightmare that was her life.

When Gen mentioned that she'd lied to the kids, Diego nodded. "You lied to them, sure. Because that was what you were told to do. And as far as you understood, it was the best way to keep them - and everyone in that town - safe. You were good at suppressing everything and keeping your mouth shut. You should be applauded for the willpower it took, not vilified. You were told to lie and you did, for survival. I'm not saying they shouldn't be sore about it, but they also aren't interested in understanding your situation either. Maybe in time, but I wouldn't hold your breath. Nothing you can do about it but move on, Gen. Some people can't understand, and some people will just refuse to understand. You can't please everyone, I'm sorry. There's nothing you can do to fix it for them." But he felt it was cruel to sound so absolute about it. And even if the hope was in vain (because Diego was 100% sure those kids had effectively cut Gen off permanently), he added, "Not right now, anyway. It's too raw."

But when she asked about Juliana testifying, Diego swore under his breath. "Shit...maybe. But maybe Al can pull some strings with the New York state attorney. Once Vivien's extradited back to New York, they might have enough of a case that they won't need any more testimony from some girl from California. I'll find out if maybe they can just take a deposition from her. I doubt they'll be flying her to New York or anything. And I doubt she'd agree to go anyway, even if she got subpoena'd." Although it was literally against the law to refuse, well, the law, Diego could honestly envision Juliana serving jailtime for contempt in court rather than volunteering testimony. "I'd rather not give anyone in that town a reason to resist a summons."

_______________________

"Everyone has weird, hidden talents, right?" Gen tried joking. "I guess mine was pretending to be somebody else. Maybe I chose myself the wrong profession and should have become an actor." Except she could never see herself in front of the camera, not really. Part of the reason she loved interpreting so much was that she wasn't in the front, she was usually just a shadow in the corner, sometimes just a voice in an earpiece. "But really, all of it just feels incredibly weird and confusing. Way too confusing. Mostly just confusing."

If it was any other situation, it would have been kind of amusing to watch Diego get angrier and angrier as she spoke and then his resolution to it being eating a McDonalds muffin - she probably would have teased him about it, instead now she just gave him the muffin when he asked. And then he brought up Rita and her heart clenched. Yes, right, Rita. She was still in the picture and she was already looking into Ellis, why wouldn't he call her up and ask for some additional digging. He probably didn't even need calling her up, they would meet up sooner or later anyway.

Not that it concerned her in any way, shape or form. It was Diego's decision and she wanted him to be happy. It just... well, it sucked to know he already moved on when she just realized that she was in love with him. Fuck, she was in love with him. In all of this she didn't even have time to process that information. She stole a small glance at him and her heart started beating faster. So many things suddenly made so much sense from the last couple of months. But it didn't matter. It didn't matter and she shouldn't be thinking about this anyway because it was never going to work, and he deserved better than her anyway. This was the best possible way everything between them could have gone.

"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. The more people look into it, the bigger the chance that if he had anything to do with Vivien, it comes to light. That's smart," she agreed, keeping her voice lighter, not wanting to show anything that was going down in her head to Diego. He was already dealing with a mess of a person in her, he didn't need her hurt feelings in the mix as well.

She thought about asking Diego how Rita was doing, just out of politeness, but she quickly realized that that would be too much. She wanted Diego to be happy, yes, and if that meant being with Rita, so be it, she seemed like an amazing woman when Darcy met her. But that didn't mean that she wanted to hear him talk about it.

She knew that technically speaking, Diego was speaking the truth. Well, mostly. But even if it was true, that didn't mean she didn't feel shitty about all of it. It was her problem about the lying this entire time - she felt guilty about it through it all. The ironic thing about it all was that the one thing she felt guilty over was also the one thing she excelled at. Somehow it was easy to play Darcy, easy to get lost in her and become her. Maybe because while she was Darcy, she could ignore her pain and her past and all the shit that was in her head.

Gen shook her head. "No, never. They will never be able to forgive me for this. Maybe if all of it came out sooner, a lot sooner, or maybe if I told them the truth in a completely different situation where neither of their lives were in danger, then maybe with time they could have forgiven me. But not like this. Not after everything Juliana was put through. And definitely not with me leaving Sunnymead. They get through this, move on, and I'll always be that horrible person in their lives who lied to them and got Juliana hurt. And yes, I know, I can't really do anything about it," she added before Diego would have said anything, "it just hurts. To leave like this. And not really be able to do anything at all to make things even a little bit better."

She nodded. "It'd be nice. I'm pretty sure she's just going to want to forget about all of it, dragging her up to New York wouldn't be good for her." She rubbed her forehead and took another sip of the coffee. "She said... she said Vivien was asking her if she wanted to be hanged or shot. While she was holding a gun to her head. I-- yeah, it's gonna be hard enough for her to get through that, the last thing she needs is all the different parties to force her to retell everything over and over again just so they can direct it and try to poke holes into her story." Just thinking about it sent shivers down her spine. Juliana didn't deserve any of it. And she brought all of this on her.

_______________________

"Time to work through that confusing all over again," Diego said gently, and he really did mean that Gen had time. Because with Vivien Salazar arrested, one could only hope that crime syndicate wasn't a hydra beast with multiple heads. Diego didn't really know the details of the FBI's case, since he was on a need-to-know basis. And his assignment was Darcy Palmer, not an international gang. Ultimately, and unfortunately, it would be up to the FBI once more to decide Gen's fate.

He ate slower now, contemplating the future ahead of Gen, and his own future. That might be something worth bringing up. "I do mean it, y'know. I talked to Al, said I still wanted to deal with this case in my capacity, to the end. Escorting you and all that. He said he'd see what he could do." He grunted. "Sometimes it's like asking your parents if you can go to the county fair. That none-committal 'we'll see' response. But I think it's only right and we don't know yet what risk you're facing now. So...even if they have to send you back to New York, I'll do my damndest to come with you."

He made the statement in such an abrupt way, that the immediate silence afterwards before Gen responded felt gargantuan to Diego. He covered it up by finishing up his food, and then flicking on the car radio to some hazy country channel.

In a masochistic way, it was easier to talk about Juliana and Phoenix, than about his own loyalty to Gen. And Diego just nodded as Gen came to realize that her time in Sunnymead was officially over. "The news'll get around to the rest of the town, everyone will eventually know and they'll all react however they're gonna react. That's just the way it is. You'll never be able to make amends for what happened. I know you've learned how to live with that sort of inability." After all, Gen had to quietly mourn the murder of her own sister, with no one to comfort her, no funeral she was allowed to attend, no memory of her sister beyond a hidden photo. She just had to bury that trauma and horror away, and pour coffee and serve pancakes for a town who was blissfully unaware of her grief and trauma.

And there was nothing Gen had been able to do about it, at the time. She couldn't bring her sister back. She just had to live with knowing that innocently falling in love with someone - doing something good and generally applauded as a virtuous emotion - had destroyed her sister. In comparison to Olivia's brutal murder, lying to a town under federal orders in the hopes of keeping the town and herself safe, seemed (in Diego's mind) to be considerably less of a travesty.

These were things he'd tried to impress on Phoenix when they'd driven to Evanstead, but he doubted the kid would recall any of their conversation now, or ever.

"It'll hurt for a long time, Darcy," Diego said. "But you can't make it better, no. It seems at least they understand that, so you have to accept it too. I'm sorry. I know their opinions and feelings meant a lot to you. But they're good kids, at the end of the day, and they got a support system. Phoenix has got that whole family to circle him like a protective wall, and Juliana has her dad. They're gonna eventually recover and they're strong enough to move on, and you need to do the same."

He agreed wholeheartedly about the idea of Juliana giving testimony. "She's been through enough," he said with a sigh, balling up the muffin wrapper and lobbing it into the backseat for now. "Hopefully she'll never have to experience anything like that again, for the rest of her life. Those poor kids..." Diego reached over and held Gen's hand again. "I know it's not gonna be easy to let them go, honey. They were the closest thing you had to family in that town, weren't they."

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"Yeah, I feel like I gotta work through a lot of shit now," she agreed. If the FBI decided to relocate her, she would have to figure out a whole new person and if now that Vivien was captured, she would be able to live her own life without their input in it, then... well, then she would have to figure everything out. Both options felt daunting and terrifying.

Gen didn't really understand Diego and definitely didn't understand why he wanted to stay on her case, even come to New York with her if that is where she would be sent there for everything that was about to come. She figured he couldn't get away from her fast enough, but he probably just wanted to see all of this through. He put a lot of work into making sure she was okay and alive and safe, he was probably just wanted to make sure she got out of this okay in the end. "You know, I don't think I've ever heard anyone use the county fair as an example that their parents gave the 'we'll see' answer to," she teased him. "What about your probation? The end of it is coming up, right? What would all of this mean for that?"

She gave a small shrug. "I don't think I really learned how to cope with it, I just didn't have any other choice, you know." It was probably the darkest time of her life, not knowing anything aside from the barest of facts while not being able to even talk to anyone about it or grieve properly.

"But hey, at least I gave the town months worth of gossip and speculation, right?" she tried to make a light of the situation. "All the wild theories they will come up with and hopefully at least some of them will make out of to be some badass evil genius who hid away in Sunnymead until my associate arrived to we can reunite and take over the world or something." Fuck, she was going to miss those gossips. They were stupid and farfetched and she knew most of it was probably incorrect, but it was something she came to love and appreciate for what they were and it was an amusement to listen to the people come into the Grub and tell them to her.

And the Grub. Fuck. She built that place from the ground up, it was her baby and she was never going to see it again either. Never going to hear Jose not so subtly tell her to eat the food he made for her or Flo charming the customers into buying extra for their loved ones and taking it to go, or Big Frank's big drunk speeches, half of which were not even understandable. The best she could do is figure out a way to make sure the place could run, but she was out of there at this point. And once the news of what happened would spread, the people would probably be happy she was out of there, too.

She pushed those thoughts aside and wiped the small tear from her eyes. She didn't want to cry, not again. While she was growing up, she always assumed there was a certain amount of crying that a person can do, that there was a maximum limit, and now she wished more than anything that could be the case because she was so tired of crying. And she was definitely tired of crying in front of Diego.

So she focused on Diego's words instead. "Yeah, that at least makes things better. And they have each other too, which is nice. I'm glad they realized they were perfect for each other. They were so ridiculous when I first met them, you know. Just so oblivious about their own and the other's feelings."

When he reached over to hold her hand again, Gen froze for a moment in surprise. She understood the first time he did it, she milked it as much as she possibly could, too, not letting it go until it was absolutely necessary, but it made no sense why he would reach out again. And then he called her honey and it was like all of her systems shut down in her brain for a moment as she tried to wreck her brain to remember if she heard him call anyone else honey. It was one thing he didn't call her that for most of the time they've known each other, they were giving each other so much shit for most of it, it would make sense why he didn't use it, but he must have used it for others in town, right? This was just a general endearment from him that he used for anyone he remotely cared about. Because the alternative was that... but no. He made it clear he moved on, that he thought the two of them were wrong and that he didn't want it. It was just a term of endearment, nothing else.

"They were, yeah," she said, maybe a bit too slow, the pause definitely noticable. She hoped he didn't actually put it together what was the reason and just assumed it was hard for her to talk about it. "It's weird, I was so sure I could just do it without making connections, without getting close to anyone. And I didn't want to, you know. I think I was so deep in the grief I wanted to reject anything genuine and real. And then they happened. Well, really, the entire town happened. It was such a huge change from New York and I was determined to hate everything and then I fell in love with the people and the town and yeah, Phoenix and Juliana were my family there."

"I mean... I never told you this because I knew you would freak out, but Phoenix and I did this tattoo exchange." She raised her hand a bit to point at the little phoenix that Phoenix did a bit below her wrist (never letting Diego's hand go in the process, she might have not understood why he was doing it, but it didn't mean she was going to stop it). "He made this with his DIY tatttoo set which I didn't even realize was a thing until he point out that a bunch of his tattoos were done on himself by himself. Anyway, it was this cool bonding friendship thing and in return I made him one too, and on a whim I decided to give him a little G cause I wanted it to be real and genuine and not based on a lie. I told him this bullshit about how there's a word for friendship in German that starts with a G and that is why I wanted to do that. I guess he's never going to look at that thing the same way either."

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"Well, I was only eight at the time, and the county fair was a few towns over," Diego said with a smile, but didn't bother getting into it too much. Talking about his own family - particularly his childhood - had never come naturally to him. Not that there was anything bad in his past (not from his point of view, anyway) but simply because it was over, and he was in his forties, and he'd had enough of poring over his childhood during therapy. He nodded when Gen brought up the probation though, figuring that was what she'd think about next. "Al said later this week, I'll be evaluated once and for all about my return to work. My record ain't exactly been sparkling, so frankly I'm not sure what'll happen to me. But all I want is to make sure I don't get reassigned. Given Vivien's arrest, I'm hoping they'll handwave my request and let me continue on with you."

Diego drained the rest of his coffee. "Al's got my back," he said, as if trying to convince himself as well. Not that he didn't trust Al, but more he was worried that he'd fucked things up beyond any right to make any requests, and not even Al could pull him out of the grave that Diego had dug for himself. But that was a problem for another day.

He smiled as Gen tried to make light jokes about the gossip mill of the town, but he held her hand a bit tighter as she joked. He knew the jokes would soon turn into affection and nostalgia, and then soon after, the pain and agony of realizing how much she was going to lose now. She'd lost so much before, four years ago, and now she was going to lose again.

"Enough to make you never want to get close to anyone ever again, huh," Diego said quietly, completing his internal thought out loud. He glanced over at Gen. "What I mean is, twice now everything you've tried to build has been torn away from you. Careful lady - you're gonna get yourself some sorta psychological complex from all of this. Your new life's gonna be all about isolation and lone-wolfing it to protect other people around you, or something like that, hm?" Diego smiled wryly. "Good heart like yours, that sort of life isn't sustainable, not without a part of you dying inside."

He didn't know why he was saying this to Gen. Or Darcy. Or whomever this woman might be, after the FBI were done with her. He just wanted to let her know that despite being so identity-less, she still wasn't completely alone.

Of course Darcy had fallen in love with Sunnymead. They town had been kind and accepting, and her lost, kind-hearted soul craved that sort of comfort given how broken and damaged it had been when she'd first been placed in the town. Of course these rambunctious kids charmed her, likely reminded her of her own siblings. (Not the romance part of it, of course).

But when Gen confessed that the tattoo she had on her wrist was a recent thing meant to symbolize Phoenix, Diego was taken by surprise. "A...DIY...tattoo kit?" Diego repeated, aghast at the thought. "Please tell me it came with explicit instructions on sterilization." Obviously it ended up fine since Gen wasn't sitting here stricken with tetanus or blood poisoning or anything; but Diego, being prissy about cleanliness, was still horrified at the thought. Then again, he was the type of guy who'd never dream of getting a tattoo or piercing. He was far too straight-edged (and square) for that.

"He got a 'G' for you...jesus, Gen," Diego sighed, and motioned for another cigarette. He screwed it into his mouth once she lit it, winding the window down a bit and turning up the fan. "Jesus christ. Unbelievable."

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Gen smiled softly. He barely talked about his past, especially his childhood, so any tidbit was happily welcomed on her part. She usually didn't ask because she didn't want to push, he would talk about it if he wanted to, but it was him wo brought it up in the first place, so she didn't feel bad asking about it a bit more. He could always just say he didn't want to talk about it. "Did you get to go to a lot of them when you were a kid? Or was going to the county fair was considered a big thing?"

Gen frowned as Diego talked about what would happen next for him. "Wait, so it's not Al who's doing your evaluation? I thought it would be him since he's your boss. Technically they never talked about the details, though, so she wasn't sure why she even thought it would be Al who does it. Maybe because he was his immediate boss. "They have to take it into account that it's not like you could possibly predict Vivien returning. Either they didn't know as well or they did know and forgot to tell you about it and holding it against you either way wouldn't be fair. And anyway, your job was to keep me safe and alive, and here I am, safe and alive, right?"

God, she really hoped he wouldn't be reassigned. That would not only mean probably never seeing Diego again and one more loss on a long list now, but a completely new person who would try to micromanage her in a completely new way which she wasn't sure she could handle right now, not amongs all of this shit.

"What makes you thing someting inside of me isn't already dead?" The question came quietly, but it was out of her mouth before Gen could even realize what she was saying. She vinced right after it. That really wasn't the kind of thought she would have wanted to say out loud, not even in front of Diego. There was a certain kind of darkness that she prefered to keep inside and not show.

She shook her head. "I didn't mean-- What I meant was, everything that happened isn't really a ringing endoresement towards trying to make new connections, you know? I know I did it once when I didn't intend to, but... I can't really see myself going through the same process again. Even if it'll be incredibly lonely. Who am I to drag other unknowing, innocent people into all of my shit all over again." She shouldn't have done it in Sunnymead either, and see how that turned out.

It was amusing, the way Diego visibly freaked out over the DIY tattoo even though it has been months since it happened and clearly nothing bad came out of it. "I didn't realize there were those kinds of kits either until Phoenix told me about them, but the ones we used were just fine. Nice sterilization and I think we used some alcohol, too. It wasn't so bad, I swear. And in my defense," she added as she got herself a cigarette too (she needed one so badly for a while now, her fingers were practically itching for the familiar motions), "all of this happened when we were still at each others' throats. And he believed me about the German word thing, too. I was kind of terrified at first that he'd look it up and realize it was all a lie, but it never happened and I know it's bad, but it felt good to do something that was me, the real me, even if he didn't realize it then."

She rolled the window down at her side just enough so the smoke could go out (though the way the incoming wind blew her hair felt nice, made her feel alive for a few moments, which was a welcome change), and she closed her eyes and sunk into her seat. "I keep saying I'm going to quit, and then shit happens and fuck, I needed a smoke so badly."

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"Went to a few of 'em," Diego replied evenly. "In Texas we take our fairs very seriously." And by that of course, Diego meant that like everything in Texas, county and state fairs had to be bigger, louder, and more everything than any other fair in any other state. His tone was mild but fond, even a little wistful.

He shook his head about Al doing his evaluation. "No, the California state office would do the evaluation, since I'm jurisdicted in their state and they're considered impartial on the matter. Basically, they don't know me from diddly squat. Which is both good and bad, depending on how they read my reports. " He knew how weirdly invested Gen was in his succeeding at his job. In a way, it was rather touching, that she was so invested. It was like just as he was obsessed with making sure she was kept safe and alive, she had somehow become occupied with making sure he kept his job. So he went into some detail.

"Tyler Ellis was relocated to LA, so one thing going for me, is that Rita can submit her own findings to the California state office, and her report will be taken into consideration with my case. It's all...very bureaucratic, but that's just the way the system works. I just try and play by the rules." He gave Gen a quirked eyebrow. "When you're not running around making me bend those rules, of course."

He didn't say it with any vehemence or vitriol. If anything, it was just one more tease.

But the joking faded, when Gen questioned herself. Her voice was so quiet, Diego only barely made her out. "Listen, the older we get, the more shit we have to go through, parts of you are already dead, or dying. Can't help it, Gen, none of us can. But so long as you're still here with me, still being your curious self and thinking about the future, then I think you're managing it well enough." He tugged her hand to make her look at him. "So stay with me, hm?"

Diego wasn't afraid of Gen's darkness. If anything, he tried to understand it, wanted to include it as a part of Gen that existed within her. That darkness could never be eradicated, not after what she'd been through. But that didn't mean it should be shunned or ignored, and Diego wanted to make sure Gen had someone around, who could reassure her that it was okay sometimes to sink into those dark, morose thoughts. Someone who could pull her out of them, whenever it got too deep.

God, he really did love her.

"I don't have an answer for you," he said honestly, when she spoke about her folly in trying to make connections. "But blaming yourself for a situation you could've never prepared yourself for isn't going to help either. Maybe one day you'll see that too, Gen."

He snorted then, when she tried to assure him this DIY tattooing was safe. "Well, now you're left with a memory on your wrist, and he's left with searching for a DIY tattoo-removal kit on amazon.com."

Puffing on his own cigarette, he shrugged. "One bad habit at a time, Gen. One at a time. Right now, a smoke and a drink are all I can think about. And in this case, I believe it's warranted..." He looked over at her again, dropping his cigarette into the coffee cup. "Why don't you get a bit of rest, hm? Just close your eyes, even if you can't go to sleep."

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"I'm sure you do." Diego might have not said a lot, but even with the few words Gen could easily tell that he was thinking back to those events with fondness and that he loved Texas in general. She figured he missed it, a lot, all this time he was away, which only really made him wanting to stay with her 'till the end of it even more baffling to her. In her mind, though, eventually, whether it be right after his probation ended or after she was reassigned to somebody else or free to do whatever she wanted, or maybe years and years from now in a completely different situation, but in her mind he always went back to Texas. You can't really love a place that much and not wish to get back to it sooner or later.

She wished she could experience it with him, though. She was never really interested in Texas, she's never been there and it wouldn't have been her first destination if she could have gone anywhere, but hearing Diego talk about it, she would have loved to see it with him, where he showed her all the thing he loved and she could see the place through his eyes. Not that it would actually happen, but it was a nice thought at least.

She didn't know anything about how these processes worked, so she listened to Diego intently, nodding here and there to show she was listening and understood. "That sounds like a really paper-pushing process to me, but I guess as long as you pass, that's what counts, right? And if Rita can submit her evaluation, can Al write a recommendation, too, about his assessment? Or is that not how this works?" She managed to hear Rita's name from him and say it herself without showing any signs of pain, small victories. "And sorry about the rule-bending, but I'm pretty sure most of those didn't make it into the reports, right? You should be good." She really hoped he wasn't going to fail his assessment because she did something stupid and reckless and people end up blaming it on him.

A beat of silence while she put the cigarette between her lips before she added. "Speaking of rule-bending, by the way... do you think there's any chance of you getting back those pictures that are somewhere in your apartment?" she asked carefully, her eyes wandering out the window instead of looking at him. "I know it's not-- it might not matter, depending on how everything goes, but if there's any chance for me to have the one with my family on it, I... even if it's just with you and not with me, you know, I'd like that." She didn't even want to see the one where she was so happy with Vivien on it, even thinking about it twisted her stomach, but just knowing she had it somewhere close would have meant the world to her.

Ever since they got into the car, Diego did everything in his power to make sure she didn't fall apart. No, really, he's been doing that for a lot longer. And she wasn't completely sure what she's done to deserve it or how she got so lucky, but she was so grateful for him. Somehow each time she felt like she was drowning and sinking to the bottom of the ocean, he was there pulling her up to the surface, making sure she could breathe and didn't sink in her own darkness any further. And she wasn't sure how long he would be able to do that, how long she could actually grab onto his hand and follow him to a place in her head where it maybe wasn't that fucked up, but as long as he would be try, she would do the same.

She squeezed his hand back and kept squeezing it, closing her eyes and just trying to breathe for a few moment before she actually looked at him. "I can't promise you that I-- I am not sure what's going to happen and what my-- I can't promise that, but I will try, okay? I will try my hardest." It was the best she could manage in that moment, but maybe that would be enough.

She tilted her head to look at him, pondering over his words before she quietly said, "That goes both ways, Diego. I hope you know that." She saw him blame himself for so many things that weren't anywhere near his fault. Way too many times.

She gave a little shrug and took a drag from the cigarette. "At least I still have something that reminds me of the good, you know. Except this time it's on my wrist and not a picture." Even if looking at it now meant only pain and remembering everything from the past 12 hours, but it had to change at some point, right? "As for Phoenix... I'm pretty sure he'll just turn it into something that has nothing to do with me and hopefully with time he won't completely hate it. But either way, I won't know." Which was probably for the best, for her sanity's sake.

He was probably right, she needed some rest. But the idea of falling asleep into her a new set of nightmares was terrifying, and she was still worried about Diego. His face was getting worse and deeper color and maybe he was okay now, but what if something happened while she was out? "Are you okay, though? Are you sure you're good to drive?" she asked, ignoring his suggestion. "I know you're big, tough guy who can conquer everything and all of that, but if you need a little break, I can drive too. It's still a long drive."

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"More or less how it works," Diego replied easily, about his job evaluation. The details weren't interesting enough for him to delve into with a civilian, but he knew this was also just one of Gen's coping mechanisms. To make decisions and plans and envision how things were supposed to go. He wondered if she had always been a planner, or if that need to make sense of things out loud developed when she'd lost control of her entire life. Either would make sense, for different reasons. The Gen Soto who Diego didn't know was a world-traveler, who worked a job he considered quite cosmopolitan and modern. She spoke for important people around the world: business executives, politicians, medical professionals; and she spoke to the listening public. He imagined she would've had to have been a person who had to always be thinking ahead, always professionally be on her toes.

And then, for four years, she had to make a complete turnaround as her entire life was forcibly replaced by a totally new life. And she'd done it so well, too. That frustrated Diego more than anything else. That the thing she'd been so good at doing for four years, that the FBI exemplified her as an ideal witness placement program candidate, was what she'd be vilified for by the people she actually loved.

Gen didn't give a damn about FBI approval, after all. But she hid the truth out of responsibility and duty, because she had to. Not because she wanted to. He fwapped the steering wheel to release some of his mounting aggravation.

"Goddammit," he swore. "They just couldn't see that you didn't have a choice. You didn't have a choice, Gen. You shouldn't be persecuted for something that you weren't allowed to control. They're blaming the victim, and that's just...fucking..." He grabbed the pack of cigarettes from her lap and lit another one for himself. "...myopic. But anyway. It's over now."

He'd already thought about those secret photos of hers, before Gen brought them up. So he readily nodded when she asked about retrieving them. "When this part of it is over, hopefully later this week I'll be able to head back into Sunnymead and get some things. I'll clear out my apartment-" Which would be easy, the apartment had come furnished and he hadn't brought much- "And I'll get some things from yours. The hedgehog, and whatever else you want me to take? Let me know and I'll grab it for you."

He was still so steamed that he was hyper-focused on driving and smoking. He didn't notice that Gen was looking at him; it also didn't help that his right eye was swollen enough that his periphery on that side was diminished. Besides, if he did look over enough to catch the look on her face, in her large dark eyes, Diego probably wouldn't have known what to do or say. As it was, he just assumed that she was staring in a daze out the window. But at least she still held onto his hand, like the lifeline that she promised she'd try to hold onto.

"I'm good, I'm good," Diego assured her, pressing the gas pedal a bit harder. "Gonna speed up a bit though. If state patrol stops us then I'll just flash the badge. But truth is my back teeth are floating." Meaning, in macho-dude speak, that his bladder was full. All that coffee ran straight through him. "We're about forty-five minutes away now. Thirty if I push it."

He looked over at Gen then, but by then she wasn't looking at him. "God, I'm getting too old for all this wild shit. Maybe a boring old desk job'll suit me fine."

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Diego getting visibly angry at Phoenix and Juliana kind of broke Gen's heart. She remembered Diego saying about about Phoenix and him having a talk during the drive to Evanstead and she wasn't completely sure how it went, but now she was half convinced that he spent most of it trying to convince Phoenix not to be angry at her and didn't really succeed. Which, she could understand, Phoenix put all his trust in her and she lied and lied and lied, it made sense that Phoenix wasn't going to forgive her so easily. But seeing just how deeply it frustrated Diego that they couldn't forgive her made her heart ache. "Hey, don't be angry at them, okay? They were in a shock and they barely had time for anything. Please, don't be angry at them."

Relief washed over Gen when Diego reassured her that he would be coming back to Sunnymead and packing things up, including her picture was in his plans. It might have been stupid, she hasn't seen those pictures in months at this point, not since Diego took them and hid them in his apartment somewhere, but over the years she created such connection to them, they were what kept her memories alive in certain moments. "Thank you."

And then Diego mentioned her hedgehog and she cursed under her breath. "Fuck, Vex, I totally forgot about her. She's a living creature and I thought about a fucking picture sooner than my hedgehog. I should call somebody to make sure she is fed until you can go back. And I should probably call everyone who works at the Grub, too. I told them the place is closed for the day but that's just temporary solution, can't exactly just disappear on them."

She pulled the phone out of her pocket and just stared at it. Nobody knew what happened yet. If she called anyone, she would have to explain everything to them because they sure as hell would have questions. And some would understand, probably, but having to tell everything over and over again and hear the silence on the end of the phone and the more than probably negative reactions... She pulled up a text chain and quickly (as quick as her texting abilities allowed it) sent a few messages to Flo asking her to check on Vex and feed her once a day and telling her that because of an emergency she had to leave town for a few days and asking her to run the Grub while she was gone. She could deal with everything else later.

"Okay, Flo can take over for a couple of days and then... I don't know, I'll try to figure out how I don't have to let everyone go. And I'll figure out what I'd need from the apartment, too," she added, going back to Diego's original point. "Though I doubt it'd be too much. Maybe some clothes and my laptop." But even her clothes... did she even want them? She bought them specifically for Darcy. Her fashion choices were so different before she arrived to Sunnymead and now she could possibly have a chance to go back to that.

She watched him as he grabbed the streering wheel, determined to finish up the drive and a part of her just wanted to tell him he was being a stubborn idiot and he should accept the help she was offering. But he was determined and they were in the middle of the highway and they were done with most of the way anyway, so she just nodded. "Sure, okay. Go wild."

While he sped up, she reached down to the bag by her leg and took out the muffin he got for her that she didn't have an apetite for before. She started breaking off small pieces and slowly eat. "You? Behind a desk?" Gen asked back, her eyesbrows raised. "Diego, you regularly complained about the paperwork in the grocery shop and traded tasks with Carl so you don't have to do it. You wouldn't last behind a desk for a month. And I can't really imagine that for you either. That being said, what do the US Marshalls usually do?" she asked, realizing it wasn't something she was really clear about. "I'm assuming it's not just protecting people in witness protection, but normally it isn't just simple cop duty either, right?"

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"Jesus, you don't need to beg, not like i'm gonna turn around and go yell at them or something ridiculous," Diego said, shifting uncomfortably. "They're the ones who're angry enough to punch me, and they absolutely hate you. And me for good measure. Remember? I don't hate children, and I'm hardly angry at them. And I know you still love them. I doubt time'll help them see anything more. They'll never understand that it was unfair to you as well, never. They'll never see how the world isn't as black and white as they want it to be. That's what I'm angry about." In truth, it was something Diego had always been frustrated about, with Juliana and Phoenix, albeit in a different way before. Out of everyone else in that town, he'd seen them as two young, bright people with so much potential that was going to be wasted in a limited place like Sunnymead. He saw success for them, in the only way that Diego knew how to measure success: in wordly careers that could uplift them - and even Phoenix' siblings - from their current path to nothing. Seeing their narrow-mindedness - something the kids could develop out of, if given the right exposure and learning - expressed from a different angle now, only made Diego feel that disappointment once more. He sighed.

"It's a useless anger, I know. It's the sort of anger that leads a guy - a person - into a bottle of booze for the night." Diego glanced over at her.

"That, you know as well, Darce. Because you've had those nights before too. When everything was unfair, where no one was technically at fault, but there ain't shit you can do about rectifying it." He paused then, and amended. "No - one person is at fault: Vivien Salazar. Honestly I'm glad she's alive, so that I can place all the fucking blame that's being hurled onto you, onto her. Fuck her. Fuck the FBI for doing this to you, but it's better than being fucking dead."

He wanted to tell Gen that he'd handle the open ends in Sunnymead. Really, it was better to let the officials step in and smooth things over in the town, make some adjustments to the negative space that Darcy Palmer had left, before whisking out of that town for good. But she was so intent on having some say in something, some control over some part of her life, that Diego didn't try to stop her from connecting with the Grub employees. He asked her to read out what she wrote to Flo, and grunted in assent.

When Gen started to pick at the McMuffin, Diego didn't say anything either. Even if she was just eating absent-mindedly, at least it was better than her operating on nothing. Because it was going to be a long day ahead of her. And ther wold be no one else to make sure that Gen kept fed and hydrated. Not even Gen herself.

He smiled when she brought up his aversion to paperwork. "That's - that was stock inventory and shift schedules for apathetic teenagers! US Marshal paperwork's a bit different from Grapefruit Grocery, Gen." In that it was full of even more bureaucracy and forms and stuff that did make Diego balk. When Gen asked what his job entailed, though, he was happy to tell her. If only to keep her distracted before the inevitable nightmare of her life started up again.

"We do the things that the federal Justice Department requires. We enforce federal law. States don't like federal involvement, and they'll try'n keep the feds out for as long as they can, on any given case. But the US Marshal's office is different from the regular cops and not quite as take-over as the FBI, so there's a degree of tolerance for what we do statewide. Drug cartels, sex trafficking rings, witness relocation, hell, even fugitives - we handle that sort of shit."

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Gen quickly shook her head when she realized she must have misspoke, that what she made him uncomfortable because that was the last thing she meant to do. "No, please, I didn't mean-- I know you're just trying to take my side and protect me, okay? I swear I know that and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. And I know you wouldn't turn around and yell at them, ever. And you're not the bad guy, okay? I didn't try to insinuate any of that, and I'm sorry if I did. I just..." she took a breath to try to gather her thoughts to maybe explain it better. "I love them and I don't want you to blame them for reacting the way they did. And I also don't want them reacting the way they did and blaming you for all of this, either, and I would tell them the same thing about you because I hated how they jumped on you and tried to put the blame on you, too. The only difference is that you are here and they are not and you gotta listen to me ramble."

When he continued and talked about that anger that she could never really explain to anyone before, that she felt in the dead of the night that led her to drink all that alcohol until she just felt numb, she could relate to that. ANd it made her want to have a drink, desperately, and she wondered when she would be able to lose herself in alcohol again. Probably not anytime soon, considering what awaited her at the end of this drive. "Yeah, that feeling I know," she agreed.

And when he brought up Vivien, she could feel that anger inside of her rising. It was strange - for the longest time logically she knew that Vivien had to be at blame, but in her mind she was her girlfriend who got killed and all she could do was miss her and grieve for her in what she new realized was a very fucked up way. But after everything she saw of her, she just wished she could have said more to her, gotten more of her anger out on her because Vivien definitely deserved all of it. Even if she was to blame too for not realizing sooner what kind of person she was, Vivien was still a horrible person, bringing death, destruction and despair into her and her family's lives - and now into Phoenix and Juliana's lives as well.

"Is it bad that a part of me wishes that she would have gotten shot in that warehouse?" she asked, quietly. "And then wake up in the hospital and have the FBI tell her that she lost the person who meant so much to her so she could feel even some of the inkling of the pain that I felt? So she'd know what she put me through?"

She let out a small chuckle. "Paperwork is still paperwork, Diego. And even if the paperwork in a US Marshall's office is still more interesting, I'm assuming you'd still not like it bc it's paperwork about all the things you couldn't do. All the action and field stuff I'm assuming you love and thrive at." Then again, she could be wrong. But she still couldn't imagine Diego stuck behind a desk for the rest of his career.

And the way he explained the kind of cases they were doing, there was something in his voice that felt like it was proof of just how much he loved it out there. "So basically everything and anything, but also the worst of the worst." She couldn't even imagine the kind of horrors he must have seen and the stomach he must have had for this kind of job. And part of her wanted to ask what was the most fucked up, horrible case he ever had to do, but she also didn't want to take the conversation down a dark path again. So instead she asked, "What was the most ridiculous case you ever had? Either because it just made no sense or was just so funny or the criminal was incompetent, or whatever other reason, just-- the most ridiculous case ever?"

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Diego didn't like the idea of 'protecting' Gen from a couple of upset kids; his job was to protect her from people who could actually hurt her. But then, Juliana screaming 'I hate you' must have hurt Gen, albeit in a way that Diego couldn't protect Gen from. His right to protect her didn't include from her own hurt feelings. Unfortunately she'd never be able to rectify things with Juliana or Phoenix. Those hurt feelings could either fester or be managed.

"I'm sorry, no, you're right," he conceded, his tone less prickly. "I'm not angry at them, I promise. There's...nothing to be angry at them for. Not even the punch," he said, rubbing at his jaw as he grimly squinted at the road. "They were scared and hurt and confused, all of this just happened and they're completely in the dark about who you are, or Vivien or...any of this. Of course their only recourse was lashing out. I just..." What? He wished things could be better, or different? Wishes were for children who still thought the world was a good place and good people were entitled to good things. Still, being Diego, he still thought in solutions.

"Maybe one day you might be able to email them?" he suggested. "One day. Like...in a year from now, or something. Maybe." Diego didn't like planning ahead for Gen though, knowing that her life could change in an instant. She had no life of her own; it was forfeited the moment she'd gotten shot four years ago.

"They shouldn't blame me, and I shouldn't blame them. So we should all blame you, hm?" He gave her hand a squeeze then though, and smiled at her. "Sure. You can handle it huh? Sure you can. You can handle anything."

When Gen asked about feeling bad for wishing ill on Vivien, Diego's answer was immediate, low, and vehement. "Don't feel bad at all. You believing the best about someone isn't stupid. That's something you and Juliana have in common, you know. Hopefully one day Vivien will understand what she put you through but again, honey - I wouldn't hold my breath." In Diego's experience, hoping someone would understand was a futile hope.

Carefully he nodded at her conclusion of his job description. There was a stereotype that civilians couldn't understand what it was like; but if anyone could, Diego imagined Gen might after what her life was like. However, now was not the time to delve into grim details. It seemed Gen had the same idea though, from her question.

"Ridiculous, huh? Ahhh...ridiculous, lesse. There was this fugitive in Texas. Fella gave us a chase and we lost him just outside of Pasadena. This genius thought he could hide out in one of them shipping containers in a warehouse district. I got a call from him the next day begging me for help - turns out he passed out drunk in his shipping container. When he woke up, the container was locked tight from the outside. I traced him to Galveston - buddy was about two hours away from being loaded onto a ship headed for to Tianjin, in China. It took two hours to find him - not like he could really describe his location from inside the container. Fortunately the poor fucker found an identification number, and the dockmaster traced his container. And it was about eight containers up, all piled and ready to be loaded. When we got him out, he was red as a tomato." Granted, Diego said 'tomato' like 'termater'.

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"Hey, that punch was definitely uncalled for," Gen couldn't help but interject. "No matter how angry Phoenix was, that wasn't okay and you didn't deserve that." It really was just the cherry on top for him, probably, with everything Vivien already did not so long before that. She watched him as he rubbed his jaw and wondered just how much pain he must have been in. It wasn't enough that his face was all kinds of color at this point, he was also hit pretty hard in the groin and he still insisted on taking care of her and driving. Stubborn, idiot man. "Speaking of the punch... I know you keep saying you're okay, but you'll get checked once we arrive, right?"

She nodded, looking out the window. "Maybe that could work, yes. Give them enough time to work through everything and then maybe they will be open to something." Or maybe they wouldn't. Looking at their reactions now, Gen doubted it. Not to mention that it was still unclear what would be happening with her. For all she knew, she could be sent to a whole new location as a whole new person all over again and then she wouldn't be allowed to even think about contacting them, let alone actually doing it after a while.

She shook her head, not wanting to think about it or let the panic rise inside of her at the thought of becoming a whole different person all over again. Instead, she focused on Diego and she couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "Maybe not everything, but yeah, that would be preferable to the alternatives," she said softly with a shrug.

It felt strange that in a situation like this she could actually do anything but cry or feel never-ending doom and grief, but his gentle teasing voice and the squeeze of his hand made her feel warm inside. And even though he was teasing and joking, she knew that the last bit, the part about how she could handle anything, that one he meant. She wasn't so sure about it, she felt like she was constantly on the brink of breaking down and losing it lately and especially now, but he believed it for some reason. Maybe what he saw in her really was there, maybe it wasn't, but either way, his belief in her meant more to her than she could ever put it into words.

There it was again, that word. Honey. Rolling off of Diego's tongue so effortlessly he probably didn't even notice he was doing it. And it was probably nothing, too. She heard him call other people nicknames, too, she wasn't any different. So she tried not focusing on that single word, instead on everything else he said. Even if it wasn't easy. "Yeah, I doubt she'll ever realize it. She thought we could just go back to how things were, Diego! She actually thought all she had to do was show up, smile at me and then we would be back to being in love and happy and we can just forget everything ever happened. If she was this delusional, I doubt she could ever truly realize what she's done."

Diego happily jumped into telling a story and Gen's eyebrows rose higher and higher as it progressed. It was nice to just listen to something that had nothing to do with what happened and just munch on the last bit of the muffin. (She got to the end of it without really realizing it.) "Oh my god, that sounds insane. Poor guy," she chuckled with the shake of her head. "What would have happened to him if you guys didn't find him on time? Could you have turned ships back or something?" She threw the wrapping paper of the muffin into the bag. "How much did you guys laugh at him?"

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"Eh," Diego shrugged. "Phoenix has trouble putting his feelings into words, so he puts them into his fists." If anything, Diego understood that violent need for release. He looked over at Gen. "If you were a man, he'd probably punch you, too."

She was right that he was hurting all over. But like Darcy decided that she deserved to boil in the agony within her, Diego felt the same way about his physical pain. Although he couldn't consciously recognize it, Vivien beating the shit out of him felt like some sort of sick recompense. He knew no one could've predicted Vivien Salazar showing up in Sunnymead, but the bottom line was that he failed to keep Darcy protected, and by extension he'd failed to keep Juliana and Phoenix protected. The aches and bruises reminded him that he was still not good enough at the one thing he'd dedicated his life to.

He was pulled out of those thoughts by talking with Gen. Whenever he heard her soft voice, he mind returned to the present, away from his own internal negativity. And hearing her ranting about Vivien's ill logic was weirdly gratifying for reasons Diego couldn't explain.

"Maybe she thought you were relocated against your will. But then going as far as to murder your sister - and still thinking that you could still have feelings for her after that?" Diego shook his head. "It doesn't make sense, but then it's murder we're talking about. After money, love is usually the next motive. She's lived in her world for so long, she doesn't realize you've had a life completely outside of her."

He snorted when Gen expressed sympathy for the fugitive. Diego had none, but then he didn't tell Gen what crimes the man had committed. He just racked it up to Gen being a bleeding heart liberal-type, who felt sorry for prisoners and thought something like 'rehabilitation' would work better.

For now, he was just proud of her for finishing up the bacon mcmuffin. Particularly because they'd gotten into the city now, and headed to the department. "He probably would've expired in that container. They can get pretty damn heated in those things, like an oven. And with no food or water and a few weeks trip over the Pacific, I'd say the dude was fucked."

As for turning the ships back, he shook his head. "Business has to carry on, we can't just put everything on hold. The Target distributor in Tianjin would've just been in for a nasty surprise when they opened up that container." He was half-joking, of course. It was the ideal to actually find the fugitive, but trying to interrupt international shipping for one criminal wouldn't have been fun for anyone.

"We laughed something good, yeah. Told him he was in luck: he'd get to hang out in a similar container for the rest of his life. Granted, a sea container's much bigger'n a prison cell. Anyway..." Diego headed down the street, then turned into a parking lot. He parked, and looked at Gen.

"We're here now." He looked at her - unkempt, exhausted, likely in need of a shower, no make-up, teeth unbrushed. And she'd likely be spending the next 10 or so hours here, unless the FBI demanded she be moved somewhere else. He exhaled, trying not to make it too heavy a sigh. "You ready?

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"I would have been more than okay with than," Gen couldn't help saying at Diego's comment about how if she was a man, Phoenix would have punched her too. And then realized how it must have sounded and quickly added, "And before you say anything, you getting punched and me hypothetically getting punched are two completely different things, okay." Though she was sure Diego would disagree with her on this one, but it made sense in her head. He was doing his job, he was there helping them, while she was the reason for all of this shit that have gone down. She deserved that punch a lot better than Diego did.

He was probably right, though. The only way Vivien thinking she would go along with her and they could be happy is that if she believed, truly believed that she was forced to relocate and assume a new identity. So many things still didn't make sense, but after seeing this side of Vivien, so many other questions were in her head that didn't make sense, so it was maybe just the missing information and the complete contradiction of Vivien as a person as she knew her and as she showed herself now. "Maybe. But either way I'll be happy never to see her ever again." It wasn't possible, she assumed she'd see her during the trials at least, but she hoped nothing more was required of her.

(Even though part of her wanted to have a go at her, to ask, no demand answers to all the things that didn't make sense in her mind, but she was afraid she'd end up just screaming at her uncontrollably, so that was probably not the best idea at this point.)

She listened to Diego talk about the poor guy who got stuck in the container while they drove through the city and she watched while she tried to ignore the fact that they were getting closer and closer to their destination. She started zoning out on Diego's words, though, just letting his voice sooth her in the background while her brain started running different scenarios, each is worst than the last.

And then Diego stopped in front of the US Marshall's office building and Gen wanted to sink into the car seat and possibly disappear into it. The drive went by way too fast and she wished they could turn around and do the same distance a couple of more times. Possibly just run off, change their names and hide away from te FBI. People did it, right? Why couldn't they. Except those people were criminals and she was trying not to get herself into even more trouble, not to mention she would have loved to avoid yet another personality added to the mix.

"Ready for the FBI to dissect and misunderstand every word I say to fit their narrative and talk to them in detail over and over again for hours about all the stupid mistakes I've made over the last couple of hours and things I'd rather forget? Nope, I'm anything but ready. But I don't really have a choice, so let's go." She stayed there for a little bit longer, holding onto his hands for a few more moments before she finally got herself to let go and get out of the car, following Diego into the offices with her heart beating hard out of her chest.

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"Whatever you say, Gen," Diego said, grimly amused at the way Gen tried to differentiate between Phoenix taking his anger out on him versus her. It was so Gen...or Darcy...or, well. Both of them, Diego supposed. Regardless, what was done was done, and there was no going back. All Diego cold do was wish the best for those kids, and he knew Gen felt the same way. Hopefully one day she'd find a way to forgive herself for needing to keep herself secret from them.

The more anger Gen felt towards Vivien, the more pleased Diego was. It was a selfish feeling, maybe even a slightly jealous one. He hadn't actually given much thought to Gen impulsively (compulsively?) sleeping with Vivien last night. Her emotions overcoming her to the point that Gen had clearly forgotten everything else - including Diego - and thrown herself into Vivien's arms. Then again, it wasn't as if he and Gen were particularly close or even getting along recently. It seemed all that animosity was gone now, and Diego didn't have the energy to have it resurface. Despite Gen running off to LA, and sleeping with Vivien, he just...liked what they had going on now too much to go back to arguing. Even though 'this' had led to Gen forfeiting the life of Darcy Palmer and Sunnymead permanently.

Yep. Definitely a selfish pleased.

He opened his mouth, wanting to assure Darcy that the FBI were on her side, but that wasn't entirely true, was it. The FBI just wanted to use her, a means to a greater end and she was just one of many victims and casualties of their war against the crime syndicate. She was right that they'd interrogate her, treat her no better than they wold as suspect, just to get what they wanted. It wasn't her fault, and yet she'd be put through an unfair game of waiting and questioning.

But they were in a US Marshal office right now, not any FBI hideout. Diego was determined to make sure that in his house, the FBI abided by his rules. And that meant treating Gen with a modicum of humanity and respect.

"Let's go," he said, and exited the car with her. They couldn't hold hands, but Diego did bump gently against Gen in a companionable way as they made their way inside. Just a silent reminder to her, that he was there and he wasn't going anywhere else.

#——diego chavez (023)#——aftermath

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