#also me: IAOAKQKW 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🫨🫨🫨😭😭😭‼️‼️😭😭🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🫨🫨⁉️⁉️ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aiscapades · 3 months ago

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girl i had huge crush on in school who was a very good friend to me she's so smart and wonderful and kind just told me she's proud of me for inquiring about a breast reduction i literally started crying what the absolute fuck I'm so gay and so deprived of love in my daily life what the fuck kck .?? HELLO??

#yknow when your whole body freezes bc youre struck with the realization people SEE you and CARE about you #my fightflightFREEZE kicked in so hard all i could do was cry and pretend to act chill texting back sowkwowkwl #at one point i thought abt going through gender affirming means for a reduction (vs plastic surgery) but THATS ILLEGAL NOW <33333 #😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#THIS IS WHERE I VENT NOW OK PLEASE BLOCK THE NOT TS TAG LMFAO #not ts #me @ myself: girl this is not the time or place #also me: IAOAKQKW 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🫨🫨🫨😭😭😭‼️‼️😭😭🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🫨🫨⁉️⁉️#like I'm proud of myself too :)#i wish I'd done it sooner like everyone told me to. like this has been a reality for me since i was 12 or 13 #when ppl talk about me they always mention my boobs. family friends teachers peers #at a funeral for a loved one when im 13 and an elderly relative brings up breast reduction surgery #but i was so scared (i have a surgery phobia and also extreme control issues when it comes to my body/safety) that i put it off #and now i am forced to be stagnant or else i cripple myself. which is a life i dont want to live #i dont want to lie in the floor unable to move bc my sciatic nerve is crushed btwn vertebrae.#crying hysterically bc i think ive paralyzed myself and there's no one to help me #being unable to dance or play volleyball or lift weights again.#i want to run :( for the first time since i was 8 i want to be able to run..#and that's just medical stuff. chronic pain stuff #that's not delving into gender identity or how this has destroyed my mental health in 7 billion ways since puberty #turning 25 this is the 1st time i feel like an adult and a Person. & i realize i need to accommodate myself & my own happiness #if i want to enjoy the life i have.#like i cant keep procrastinating my life #for a long time i've been like “my life just feels like procrastinating suicide” & that's very true. & i dont want to live that way anymore.#it's time i do things for myself. because i'm the only one who can. i can't live for other ppl anymore. it's destroying me.#this went off the rails sorry #i just wanted to make a quirky post abt the gay experience but it's much deeper than that and #i wont un-deep my thoughts and feelings for an internet post :) i am real & messy & multifaceted and #i seek for others to See me :)

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