#also someone really needs to talk to ingrid

[girlgenius1111]

someone who loves you wouldn't do this

the fourth and final chapter of family line solstråle faces some more challenges and makes some important decisions. angst. like angst... but then fluff :) cw: more of the same... poor mental health on sol's part.

it must be said that this chapter would be absolutely NOTHING compared to what it is now without @wileys-russo. for every comment you leave on this, YOU BEST leave bailey something telling her thank you, too :)

------

“Solstråle… that is just… wood. Your bed would just be on some wooden slats on the ground.” 

You beamed at your sister. “I KNOW. It’s so cool. It’s like camping. But with a comfy mattress, and it’s oversized, so I don't need a nightstand, it’s like a built-in shelf! It'll go so well with my new map because the wood is the same as the frame and…” 

Ingrid didn’t need to hear your reasoning; the excitement on your face was more than enough for her. She would have bought you anything, no matter how hideous, just to keep seeing this joy on your face. This alleged bed frame wasn’t even that bad; it was woodsy and earthy and the precise thing you loved. 

The bed frame was the final thing you’d needed. Ingrid had come in with a gameplan, because of course she had, and you had systematically made your way through the store. 

You’d seemed unsure at first, and very hesitant to really pick anything out. Mapi, meanwhile, was too excited to see that she was overwhelming you. After the 8th time you’d said the words, “I don’t know, do you like it?” your sister knew she had to step in. 

Mapi was busy talking your ear off. “OOO what about this dresser? With the matching mirror? Or we could get the other mirror with this dresser and paint the wood framing so it would match. Or we could get-”

Ingrid cut her off. “María, darling, I love you, but take a breath.” You watched amused as Mapi literally took a deep breath at Ingrid’s instruction. “Okay, now go pick out a couple new mugs over there and then come back.” 

Mapi nodded enthusiastically, bounding off towards the mugs. “Do not run, María Pilar!” Ingrid shouted after her, smiling to herself when Mapi slowed down to an awkward shuffle. 

Your sister turned to you then, a sympathetic look on her face as you regarded her cautiously. 

“Which dresser do you want?” 

“I don’t-” 

“No. Which dresser do you want?” Ingrid insisted. 

You shrugged, looking away from your sister, and inexplicably starting to tear up. You didn't want to pick the wrong thing, and you didn’t want to make anyone buy anything for you. 

The brunette put her hands on your shoulders, looking down at you insistently. “Listen, Solstråle. I want you to have a space that is yours, with things you pick, and things you like. Let me do this for you? Please?” 

You sighed, nodding slowly. “I like that one.” You said softly, pointing at one of the dressers Mapi hadn’t even glanced at. 

“Good.” Ingrid said. “MARÍA, come here.” 

Mapi returned like a puppy being called back to its owner, with a single mug in her hands. Ingrid had been about to scold her, and tell her to stop hijacking your shopping trip, when Mapi handed out the mug towards you. You took it into your hands, turning it around until the design was facing you. 

It was a ceramic mug, painted with a minimalist map of Spain. There was only one marking on the map, signifying Barcelona. It was a little sun, right on the coast, marking your new home. 

“Get it? It’s a map. Like the one I got you. And it has a sun. Mapi and Solstråle. Un mapa y el sol.” She joked, clearly thinking you’d laugh, and put the mug back, as it wasn’t normally the sort of thing you’d like. 

You grinned at her, though, looking between the Spaniard and your sister, who also had a big smile on her face. “Can I get it?” You asked. 

Mapi looked surprised, but Ingrid just kept smiling, knowing instantly that the silly mug meant something because Mapi had seen it, and thought of you. “Of course. María, she picked out a dresser.” 

“Which one?” Mapi asked, looking around excitedly. 

You’d laughed, shaking your head, and pointing at the one you wanted. Ingrid was a little worried Mapi would jokingly complain that you hadn’t picked one of the ones’ she’d pointed out, and inadvertently make you feel guilty, but Mapi just nodded enthusiastically. 

“Oh I didn’t see that one! Good call pequeña!” 

You’d looked relieved, Ingrid felt relieved, and Mapi was just happy to be there.

-------

You couldn’t sleep. It felt dumb, laying in your new bed, in your redecorated room, but your mind just wouldn’t turn off. You’d spent the day with Ingrid and Mapi, and they’d done everything right. Everything. Your room felt like your room, now, not just the guest room. Their home felt like your home. 

And yet. You were still empty. It wasn’t enough. You weren’t convinced. It didn’t make any fucking sense, because they’d gone out of their way, over and over, to show you that they loved you. That seemed like something that couldn’t be reality, though. You weren’t… loveable. How could you be? You were just you. And that had never been enough, no matter how badly you wanted it to be. 

You couldn’t stand laying in bed any longer. It was too soft, too comfortable. It felt too safe, like everything was about to be ripped away from you. The living room was safer. It was so viscerally Ingrid and Mapi’s space. You didn’t have anything to lose down here. 

You turned the TV on, appreciating the array of Norwegian options Ingrid was subscribed to, and put on a mindless one. You sat and watched, and tried not to think. You weren’t very successful if the way you jumped when the couch moved next to you was any indication. 

“Can’t sleep?” Mapi asked, tucking herself under the blanket you were using. 

“Nope.” 

“Thinking about how much better you’d sleep in that race car bed we saw? That’s why I'm up.” Mapi replied wistfully, causing you to crack a smile. 

“Something like that.” You replied softly. The defender studied you for a moment, before throwing an arm around your shoulder, contact you leaned into, almost on instinct. 

A scene came on in the drama that was playing, one which took place in a tattoo shop. Mapi perked up, and you saw an opening to change the subject before your mood could be questioned. 

“How old were you when you got your first tattoo?” You questioned. 

“18. It was this one.” Mapi said excitedly, holding out her arm to point at the partially covered up tattoo. “I covered it kind of a couple years later. Would you ever get a tattoo?” 

You weren’t a bad liar, but for some reason, you didn’t feel like lying to Mapi. She felt like a judgment free zone, in a way your sister didn’t. “I have one.” 

Mapi looked at you in surprise. “You do? Where? What is it? When did you get it? How did you get it?” The law in Barcelona was that you could get one at 16 without parental consent, but Mapi hadn’t known when you would have done it. 

You laughed at her rapid fire questions. “I got it in Norway. It was a stick and poke, I don’t even remember getting it, I was blacked out.” 

Mapi tried to school her features, but you could sense her disapproval anyway. It wasn’t for the reason you expected, though. “Someone gave you a stick and poke while you were blacked out?” She asked evenly. 

You just shrugged. “I asked for it, apparently.” 

It was quiet for a moment while the defender tried to act like that didn’t upset her. 

“What is it?” You blushed, then, and Mapi cracked a smile. “Tell me, tell me. I won’t tell your sister.” 

Instead of telling, you showed her, pulling your shirt up so your rib was exposed.

So the 23 clearly inked into your skin was visible. 

Mapi’s touch was delicate when she traced over it, a small smile on her lips. 

“23, huh?” 

You shrugged. “It was the only thing I asked for, apparently. I couldn’t remember the number, I was so drunk, but I made someone google what it was, and then… got it.” 

“That’s really sweet.” Mapi said quietly. 

“Hope she doesn’t change her number.” You said quickly, trying not to linger on the sentimentality of it all. 

“Eh. You can always turn it into something else. Tattoo cover ups aren’t that expensive.” Mapi said casually, knowing exactly who was just a few steps from the family room. Sue her if she wanted to see Ingrid’s reaction to your tattoo. 

“Tattoo? TATTOO? You have a tattoo, solstråle?” Ingrid asked, practically falling into the room. You tensed, suddenly terrified that this would be it. She’d make you leave after this. But while ingrid looked a little stern, she didn't seem angry. Still, you were a bit frozen still, and Mapi took her opportunity. 

“Stick and poke. Got it while blackout drunk.” She said, holding up a hand for you to high five, despite clearly disapproving minutes earlier. Apparently, Mapi only needed to be a protective adult in Ingrid’s absence. You high fived her, allowing yourself to smile a bit, though you shot your sister a nervous glance. 

Ingrid pinched the bridge of her nose between two fingers, sighing heavily and sitting on the couch. 

“Alright. Let me see it.” You sat up to lift the side of your shirt again, stopping when she threw a hand over her eyes. “Wait, no. Is it bad? Is it a bad word? Is it a vagina?” You and Mapi collapsed into giggles, and Ingrid rolled her eyes, removing her hand from her face. “Oh grow up, both of you. Let me see, solstråle.” 

A bit smugly, now, you showed her the tattoo, watching carefully as her face morphed from apprehension, to surprise, to… emotion. Ingrid was tearing up. 

“Oh my god, don’t cry, please, Ingrid,” you begged, sitting up and looking at your sister anxiously. Mapi was shaking with silent laughter next to you, and Ingrid was waving her hands in front of her face frantically. 

“I’m not crying, I’m not. I’m just- tattoos are bad. Really bad. You shouldn’t have that. Tattoo. Of my number. On your body forever. My baby sister,” She trailed off, biting her lip when it began to tremble. 

“Ingrid,” you complained, looking away uncomfortably. 

“Ven aqui, princesa,” Mapi said quietly, pulling Ingrid into her side, though she was still smiling. Ingrid took a few calming breaths resting against her girlfriend, staying silent even though she had a million things to say. Her girlfriend took the opportunity to break the ice, seeing as though you looked to be on the verge of bolting out of the room. “ You know what would look good, solstråle? A 4, on the other side.” She suggested with a grin. 

Ingrid sat bolt upright. “NO! No more tattoos. María, I swear to god.” 

Mapi laughed, throwing her hands up in the air. “I’m just kidding, princesa, relax! God you sound like Alexia when I joked that I was going to tattoo Fresa when she was 12.  I thought Ale was going to hit me.” 

“I might hit you.” Ingrid mumbled, crossing her arms over her chest, glaring at her girlfriend. 

“Nah. I’m too hot for that.” Mapi said confidently, leaning in to kiss her girlfriend’s cheek. Ingrid fought a smile and you turned away with a grimace on your face. 

“Well. I’m going to bed. Please, keep the volume down, I don’t wish to be scarred this evening.” You said, walking briskly out of the room, ignoring Mapi’s cackle, and Ingrid’s gasp. 

“We don’t have sex! We don’t! Abstinence is key!” Ingrid shouted after you, sighing heavily when she heard you laugh from the stairs. She turned to Mapi with a defeated look on her face. 

“Nicely done, princesa.” Mapi teased. 

Ingrid groaned, collapsing against her girlfriend. “She laughed a lot today. Like really laughed.” Ingrid commented after a minute. 

Mapi ran her fingers through Ingrid’s loose hair. “I know. It was nice. She’s making progress, mi amor. You’re doing really well.” 

Ingrid smiled shyly into the Spaniard, privately thinking that she’d do a lot worse without Mapi around to help. It takes a village, she supposed. 

-------

You hadn’t quite drifted off when you heard your bedroom door open quietly. You were half asleep, too sleepy to open your eyes, assuming that either Ingrid or Mapi were putting something in your room you’d forgotten downstairs. You cracked an eye open after a second when you heard a noise closer to your bed, and saw your sister picking up Snø, who had fallen off your bed. She turned towards you, and for some reason, you shut your eyes before she could see they were open. 

You pretended to be asleep. You weren’t sure why. 

You were glad you had, though, when you felt Snø placed just next to your face, felt the covers pulled up a little until they were just under your chin, and felt Ingrid press a soft kiss to your forehead. 

“God natt solstråle, jeg elsker deg,” she whispered, before quietly creeping back out of the room. 

You were wide awake now, opening your eyes as soon as you heard the door shut. You weren’t quite sure what you were so upset about. Ingrid tucking you in had felt safe and loving and warm. Those were all good feelings… so why did it feel like a part of your chest was caving in on itself?

It was just… where had Ingrid learned to do that? You couldn’t, for the life of you, remember your parents doing anything similar with you. Even when you were young, putting you to bed consisted of them standing in the doorway while you got under the covers, and them bidding you a goodnight. Had it not been like that for Ingrid? 

The more you thought about it, the more obvious it seemed. Of course it hadn’t been like that for Ingrid. She had been intentional, wanted. She was their favorite. They loved Ingrid in a way they never loved you. Of course they tucked her in, and kissed her forehead, and told her they loved her. Words you hadn’t heard from either of them in a long time. Ingrid got everything you always craved, and you couldn’t even really be that mad about it. Because if anyone deserved the absolute best the world had to offer, it was your sister. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night, quietly muffling your sobs in your pillow. It was a sadness that plagued you, mixed with hope. Your parents didn’t love you, you were pretty sure of that. But it seemed like, maybe, Ingrid did. 

-------

The following day was a match day. Well, not for Mapi, obviously, but it was an important league match for the team, and for Ingrid, and you were actually looking forward to going. 

You woke up well rested in your bedroom, warm sunlight streaming in through the cracks in the blinds. You looked around when you woke up, a bit confused at the transformation it had undergone. It was cozy, and you relished laying in bed for a bit, not in any rush to leave this newly comforting space. It felt like home, and thought that still scared you, it wasn’t as terrifying in the daylight. Everything was always better in the morning. 

And though the morning was good, the afternoon only went downhill. 

You’d disappeared up to your room to get some homework done before you were set to leave for the game, and Mapi and Ingrid were lounging downstairs, watching a WSL match. Ingrid was ignoring the repetitive texts from her mother. After another one buzzed her phone, quickly followed by a sharp ring as her mom resorted to calling her, Ingrid flipped her phone over with a heavy sigh, turning to hide her face in the crook of Mapi’s neck. The Spaniard frowned sadly, wrapping her arms tight around the Norwegian, softly rubbing her back. 

“I love you.” Mapi whispered, not really sure what to say, but figuring that those words couldn’t hurt. Ingrid whispered them back, feeling a bit braver now, before pulling away and reaching for her phone again. 

“I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t want to talk to her right now, but she can tell something is wrong. I never ignore her like this.” 

“You’re not ready to talk. Just say that.” Mapi suggested. Ingrid thought for a few moments, before slowly nodding and beginning to type a response. 

Please stop calling. I am focused on Solstråle right now. You’ve really hurt her, and neither of us are ready to talk to you yet. Please respect that.

Ingrid showed Mapi before hitting send, an apprehensive look on her face. 

“Perfect, amor.” Mapi assured her, watching as Ingrid hit send and snuggled back up against her girlfriend. She felt the words more than she heard them when Mapi spoke into her ear. “I am proud of you. You’re doing the right thing for your sister, and I know it’s hard, but you’re doing so well, mi princesa. I’m so proud of you.” 

Ingrid blushed heavily, but smiled to herself. She wasn't sure why, but it suddenly felt like things might be okay from here on out. She would be wrong. 

-------

You shouldn’t have answered the phone. You should have known better. You couldn't help the hope that bloomed inside of you when you saw your mom’s name on the caller ID as your phone rang, though. You answered the phone. 

“You’re ruining our family.” She ruined it first. 

“You’ve made my daughter hate me.” You’re her daughter too. 

“Ingrid doesn’t want you there. She’s not your parent, I am.” Ingrid says she wants you here. And Ingrid acts more like a parent than she ever has. 

“If I'd known how much trouble you’d be, I wouldn’t have bothered with having you.” Sometimes you wish she hadn’t bothered with it. 

“You cause more trouble than you’re worth, and one day Ingrid will see that. And I won’t be here to take you back.” You were a lot of trouble, weren’t you? Your mom was right. One day, Ingrid and Mapi would reach the point she had. And you’d have nowhere else to go. 

Your thoughts only spiraled from there. You hung up the phone without saying a word, letting it fall to the ground. You curled into yourself and thought. Thought hard. Until your mind felt like a prison you were locked in, and you weren’t sure how to get out. Until the room disappeared around you, and all you felt was hatred. Not towards your mother. But towards yourself. 

-------

You wouldn’t look at Mapi. You wouldn’t move. You didn’t even really seem to know she was there. You sat with your knees pulled to your chest on the floor by your bed, a vacant look in your eyes. 

“Come on, pequeña, come back. I’m right here, you’re safe.” Mapi said softly, careful not to touch you. She’d come to ask you if you’d be ready to go in an hour, wanting to leave at the same time as Ingrid and spend time with the team as they got ready in the locker room. She’d found you like this, making yourself as small as possible against your bed. You looked tiny, and Mapi spoke quietly, delicately, trying to coax you back to her. 

Still, even her soothing words didn’t bring you out. And she knew she needed to get Ingrid, even as she knew that Ingrid would freak out.

She stepped away from you, leaning into the hall and calling quietly towards her room, where your sister was. 

“Ingrid, come here please.” She said, as calmly as she could. Ingrid appeared in the hall, walking towards your room as she fiddled with the braid in her hair. 

“What’s up?” She asked, following Mapi into your room. “Solstråle?” She looked between you and her girlfriend in confusion. 

“I think she’s a little out of it right now. I’m not sure what happened, I found her like this.” Mapi explained, trying her best to not make Ingrid panic. 

Ingrid sat down next to you, grabbing your hand. When you didn’t even flinch, she looked at Mapi in horror. 

“María, what do we do?” 

“She’s all right, amor. She just needs a bit.” Mapi reassured, sitting down on your other side. 

“I… I don’t understand, what happened?” 

“I don’t know, mi amor. Something probably upset her. She’s very vulnerable right now.” Mapi replied, before pausing briefly. “Do you remember when I withdrew from camp for the first time? I got like this. I was okay, I just needed some time, and my brain was trying to protect itself. Solstråle is okay, she just needs the same.” 

Ingrid nodded slowly, because she did remember. That was different, though, that was… a traumatic experience for her girlfriend. And whatever was happening with you right now, this couldn’t be a reaction to a traumatic experience. Yes, you were struggling, and yes, the last couple years had been hard, but you weren’t… traumatized? 

As Ingrid sat and waited for you to come back to her, though, she realized that you were. If she put herself in your position, she couldn’t see how you could have come out of everything not traumatized. The marks your parents had left on you ran deeper than Ingrid had realized. And there wasn’t anything she could do to fix them unless you let her. 

“María,” Ingrid said quietly, a desperate plea for some reassurance as minutes passed and nothing changed, as she stared into your eyes and you didn't react. 

“I know, cariño, but she’s okay. She’s okay, I promise. Just try to stay calm.” 

Ingrid wasn’t sure how much longer she could stay calm. Especially when she glanced at her phone and saw it was several minutes past the time she was supposed to leave for the match. “Can you call Ale? And tell her I can’t come?” 

Mapi was nodding before Ingrid finished her sentence, standing and stepping out of the room. The phone only rang once before Alexia picked up, her reassuring voice calming Mapi, who was pretending to be a lot less panicked than she felt. 

“Hola.” 

“Ingrid and I can’t come.” Mapi said simply. 

“What’s going on? Are you both okay?” Alexia asked with concern. Ingrid wouldn’t just miss a match she was supposed to be starting. Not unless something was wrong. 

“It’s her sister, she’s not… well right now. We have to stay here with her. Ale, I’m really sorry,” Mapi said, cutting herself off before she got choked up. She wasn’t an emotional person but seeing you like this, seeing Ingrid so upset, and hearing her best friend’s voice over the phone… she couldn’t help it. 

“No, don’t be sorry. Family first, always. I’ll talk to Jona. Do you need anything? Can I help?” Alexia asked. Hearing Mapi cry was always unsettling, because it happened so rarely. 

“No, we’ve got it. Thank you, Ale, really.” Mapi said back, clearing her throat. 

They said goodbye, and Mapi walked back into the room, raising her eyebrows when she saw Ingrid on your phone. 

“She talked to Mom. Like 20 minutes ago, she answered a call from Mom.” Ingrid stated. “Could that…” 

Mapi took her spot back next to you, absentmindedly taking your hand in hers. You gave it the faintest of squeezes, but the Spaniard didn’t want to put any pressure on you, so she said nothing. “It could be that. It makes sense. A lot of this seems to have to do with your mom. I don’t know what she said on the phone, but… it probably wasn’t good.” 

Ingrid sat with that information for a bit, startling slightly when you slumped into her. Carefully, she lowered you so your head was in her lap. You seemed a little more aware, now, but still nowhere near normal. Softly, she began to pull your hair out of the braid it was in, combing it back away from your face. 

“Our Mom did this to her.” She said evenly. Mapi rested her chin on Ingrid’s shoulder, nodding slightly. “I am never letting that woman near Solstråle again. I don’t care what I have to do. She’s been hurt enough. I won’t let her be hurt anymore.” 

It didn’t matter that Mapi had come to this conclusion a couple days ago. It mattered that Ingrid was there now, and Ingrid was going to keep you safe. 

You heard what Ingrid said. Your ears still worked, you were just a bit… out of it. You heard what she had told her girlfriend. And as she sat above you, relaxing you with every touch of her fingers to your scalp, you knew that you were failing at the rules you’d set yourself years ago. 

Don’t get attached. Don’t expect anything from anyone. Don’t get your hopes up. Don’t listen when people tell you they love you; they almost never mean it. 

You were trusting, again. Just a little bit, piece by piece, and you knew that it would take time before you healed fully, before you trusted fully. Very quickly, though, you were losing the will to be independent, losing the will to be strong. You didn’t want to have to be strong anymore. And you were beginning to think you didn’t need to be. 

Of course, healing isn’t linear. Nothing is that easy. So even as you slowly sat up off your sister, and inquired as to why she wasn’t at her game, some part of you knew something else would go wrong. It had happened too many times for you not to know any better. There was still a hesitation when you leaned into the hug your sister offered, as she explained that you were more important than football. There was still hesitation when she asked what had happened. You told her the fewest details possible, which she clearly wasn’t happy with. You were still holding yourself back, somewhere in the middle of healed and broken. It was almost a race to see who could get to you first. It would either be Mapi and Ingrid to reach you, to put you back together. Or it would be the trauma and pain that pulled you backwards, back to the version of yourself you hated. Breaking you for good. 

------

The answer would come in the form of a knock on the front door, later that day. After you’d gotten up off the floor of your bedroom, and returned to pretending to be okay. You were in the garage with Mapi, working on the bike, while Ingrid cooked dinner. You were loosening up a bit, and Mapi could tell you were getting closer to telling her what your mom had said on the phone. 

Your sister answered the door, thinking maybe it would be one of their teammates, coming to check on them after her rather abrupt withdrawal from the match. 

When Ingrid opened the door, though, it wasn’t her teammate on the front porch. It was your father. 

-------

Your father, who was significantly less at fault than your mom, but still complicit in how you’d been treated. Your father, who always worked too much to really have a say in anything regarding your life. Your father, who you’d always felt closer to, always trusted more. 

Your father, who loved you more than he’d ever admit. 

Ingrid knew what he was there for the minute she saw his face. She was proven right when she got you and Mapi from the garage and brought you into the family room. When he began to talk and explain what he wanted, began to try to convince you to come home. 

“I know Mom messed up. We both have, really. Our home isn’t the same without you though, Solstråle. I officially retired yesterday, which is why I wasn’t here sooner. I want to make things right. We weren’t good parents, but I’m here now, my darling. I want you to come back home. We can fix things with your mom. We can fix things at your school, get you back with your friends. We can be a family again.” 

We can be a family again. A few months ago, maybe that would have gotten you home. Maybe the temptation of your friends and Norway and the promise of being loved would have worked. Things were different now, though. You felt like you had a family here, or that you could. 

You’d always had a better relationship with your Dad. He loved all the outdoorsy activities you did, and though he’d been busy with work practically your whole life, the little time you spent together was always nice. Him retiring would ensure one sane person was home with you, that it wouldn’t just be you and your mom. And maybe you would have said yes, if you hadn’t seen the fear in Ingrid’s eyes, and decided it was because she wanted you to stay. She wanted you here, you told yourself. You wanted to be where you were wanted. And that wasn’t Norway, not with your mom. 

“No.” you said simply. 

“Solstråle,” your father began, with an exasperated sigh. 

“No. I appreciate you coming here, and I appreciate you caring but it’s too late. It’s not enough, and it’s too late. Mom doesn’t want me home. She made that clear on the phone today. I don’t want to be where I’m not wanted. I don’t want to go back to Norway.” 

Next to you, Mapi, who had been silent this whole time, squeezed your shoulder reassuringly. 

Your Dad shifted uncomfortably in his seat. You got the idea he thought this would be easier, which made sense. You hadn’t put up any fight when they’d sent you to Spain, and your Dad hadn’t expected any fight now. 

“Take a day or two. Think about it. For me?” 

Ingrid and Mapi wanted to snap that you didn’t owe him anything and he was in no place to ask you for anything, but they didn’t want to cause any more conflict than was necessary. Besides, you could handle yourself. 

“I’ve made my decision but if you want to hear me repeat myself in two days, that’s fine.” You said calmly. Ingrid bit back a laugh, but Mapi smiled openly. 

Your Dad didn’t seem phased, to his credit. “I’d like to talk to you both. Alone.” He directed that at the older girls, and you took the opportunity to flee upstairs, far away from the man that was… doing nothing but confusing you about your feelings towards your parents. 

Your Dad didn’t stay for much longer, giving your sister a little speech about encouraging you to “make the right decision,” and why the right thing would be sending you home with him. 

It left your sister with a bit to think about, her parents often making her rethink her decisions. Mapi could sense this turmoil, but she didn’t say anything, knowing Ingrid would come to her. Ingrid was completely silent as her and Mapi went to clean up the kitchen from dinner, allowing you space and time upstairs to process.  

After a few minutes, though, Ingrid spoke up. 

“Are you sure we’re making the right decision?” Ingrid asked, turning to Mapi as she finished putting away the dishes. 

“We aren’t making a decision. Your sister is.” Mapi reasoned. “Besides, Ingrid, you said it yourself. Solstråle shouldn’t be around your mom. There are no real, tangible reasons why she shouldn’t stay here.” 

“My dad had a couple.” Ingrid said skeptically. 

“Okay. Why should Solstråle go back to Norway?” Mapi asked, taking a seat at the counter across from her girlfriend. Ingrid sighed, and began to list off the reasons her father had given her. 

It was, of course, at this moment that you came down the stairs to fill up your water. This moment, the worst possible moment, as Ingrid tried to convince herself that you should stay, while inadvertently convincing you that she didn’t want you to stay. You froze in the hall, just out of sight, after hearing your name when Mapi asked her question. It was a miracle you stayed silent and on your feet, as every fear you still harbored about being a burden to Ingrid and Mapi was, apparently, proved to be true. 

“She doesn’t have friends here. She doesn’t speak Spanish very well. We’re both busy athletes, and she is… not easy. We’d have our hands full. We are young, and we aren’t her parents. I’m her sister, not her mom. She needs help, and I’m not sure how to convince her to get it. My mom and dad can get her back on track better than I can.” 

Ingrid was simply restating what her father had said. None of it she agreed with, none of it felt true. You didn’t hear her tell Mapi that, though. No, you quietly crept back upstairs, and sat on your bed numbly. Your stupid bed that she’d bought for you. In the stupid room she’d redecorated. With the absurd presents she’d gotten you. All of it wasn’t true. All of it was a lie. She didn’t want you here, how could you have ever let yourself be convinced that she did? Just like that, with only a few sentences overheard, every ounce of trust you’d begun to place in your sister had evaporated. They were downstairs, talking about how they didn’t want you, after spending so long lying and saying they did. 

It should have been confusing, this contradiction. But it wasn’t, because you’d spent your whole life feeling unwanted. And what is a few days of being told something against 18 years of being told something the complete opposite? Your mom had been right. Ingrid had come to her senses. You weren’t wanted here. Your Dad said he wanted to fix things, and though that was hardly believable to you, you’d go back. Maybe you weren’t wanted anywhere, but you’d go back to Norway, where no one cared what you did as long as you didn’t get in trouble. You supposed they didn’t really care here, either, they’d just been pretending to. It had all been an act, probably to spare your feelings, but an act nonetheless. You ignored that it didn’t make sense. You pretended that the complete contradictions in what they’d been telling you and how they’d been acting didn’t exist. Because you’d rather convince yourself then be convinced by them. You’d rather hurt yourself than let them hurt you first. You’d take the first step. You’d make it easy, and you’d go. 

Very suddenly, you couldn’t stand to be in this house, this room for a second longer. You pulled out your phone, and told your dad you’d reconsidered. You took a few calming breaths, preparing yourself to rid your sister of the burden that was taking care of you, apparently. You shouldn’t be surprised by this. You'd been right, the whole time, to not trust her when she said she wanted you here. She didn’t. Of course she didn’t.

Doubt swirlied around in your head. Nothing made sense, nothing made any sense. There had always been one constant in your life, though. And that was being unwanted. Ingrid didn’t want you. Ingrid couldn’t want you. It was too good to be true. 

You stomped down the stairs, hearing Ingrid and Mapi’s voices grow quiet upon your approach. You assumed they’d been talking about you, and they had. About finding you a therapist. Not about wanting you to go. 

You entered the kitchen, startling both girls with the hard look on your face. “I’m going back to Norway.” You asked, voice monotone, but shaking dangerously as you regarded your sister and her girlfriend. 

“What?” Ingrid asked, thinking she must have misheard you. 

“I am going back to Norway. I texted Dad.” You turned to leave, but Mapi grabbed your wrist, spinning you back around. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked. You could only glare at her.  

“You said you wanted to stay, solstråle, I don’t understand…” Ingrid said, trailing off. 

“You don’t want me here, Ingrid, and I don’t want to be here.” 

“Of course we want you here,” Ingrid began, growing more and more confused with each venomous word that you spewed at her. 

You wrenched your arm out of Mapi’s grasp and stepped towards your sister, your outstretched hand connected with her chest as you shoved her backwards. 

“Oye!” Mapi shouted, getting in between the two of you. You were beside yourself with rage, suddenly. Why had she lied? Why had she gotten your hopes up? 

“No. You. Don’t. Stop lying, both of you.” You pushed Mapi away from you then, ignoring the angry tears that had begun to well in your eyes. “You don’t want me here, you think I’d do better in Norway. I don’t speak Spanish, I don’t have any friends,  I’m too much work, you are young and you don’t need a teenager to take care of. I’m mean and quiet and stubborn and my own fucking mother doesn’t love me. I heard you earlier Ingrid, you don’t need to lie. I’m used to it. You don’t want me. Stop pretending you do.”

At some point during your speech, Mapi and Ingrid understood what had happened. You’d overheard something out of context, clearly. And it was evident that you’d reverted back to your original belief that they didn’t want you. It hurt them, how easily you’d been convinced. And suddenly, they weren’t confused and they weren’t angry that you’d pushed them. Their faces softened, and they inched closer to you and you hated it. Because everything inside of you was screaming to believe what you knew what they were about to say, to let yourself fall into their arms, for good this time. To trust them. 

You couldn’t. You couldn’t be hurt again. It would kill you. 

You stepped backwards, and both girls stopped moving. It was Ingrid that spoke first, her voice low and soothing. 

“Solstråle, I don’t believe any of that. Dad said all that, to try to convince us to let you go back to Norway. We want you here. I know it’s hard for you to believe us, honey, but we do. More than anything, we want you to stay.” 

You shook your head frantically, teardrops hitting the floor under you. “No. No.” 

Mapi nodded, stepping a bit closer. “Yes, mi sol. We want you here. We love you, and we want you to stay.”

“No, stop!” You shouted. Ingrid was crying now, and you tried not to care. “You don’t mean that, you can’t mean that. Please, stop lying, this is too confusing, and it hurts too much, please. Just let me go.” 

You didn’t mean you wanted them to let you go back to Norway. You wanted them to let you go. The tension in the air thickened at this, as both of them realized what you meant. 

“No. I won’t do that. You’re staying here, with me. Here, where you are loved, and wanted. You’re not going anywhere, you aren’t allowed to.” Ingrid said, carelessly wiping a tear off her cheek as she stepped closer to you. 

Mapi stepped closer, too. “Nena, I promise you. On everything I love. On my parents, on football, on Ingrid. I want you to stay. Please.” The emotion in the defender’s voice startled you, and very suddenly, all of the fight had gone out of you, all of the anger. 

You wiped your eyes like a child. Because really, that was the part of you crying. “Why?” You cried. “Why do you want me? No one wants me.” 

Mapi shook her head, for once at a loss for what to say, as Ingrid let out a rough sob at your words. “How could we not? You’re my baby sister, Solstråle. You are kind, funny, and caring. You’re a good person, honey. You are good, and we love you.” 

It was quiet as you heaved in a few breaths, looking between both girls as you tried to decide what was true and what was false. And, ultimately, when you made your decision, it was because you were too tired to do anything else. Too exhausted of hating yourself to continue punishing yourself. Too exhausted of not letting yourself believe that you were worthy of love. Because you craved it, so deeply inside of you. And as much as you didn’t want to, and as much as you wished you didn’t care, you did. 

You are good, Ingrid had said. And if you were good, you could let yourself be loved. 

“Do you promise?” You asked, your voice cracking at the same time Ingrid and Mapi felt their hearts break for the 10th time today, at how completely disbelieving you sounded. 

“I promise.” Ingrid said. You looked between her and Mapi silently, and Ingrid took a hesitant step towards you, before Mapi pulled her back, shaking her head slightly. You needed to go to them. You needed to decide, all by yourself. 

It was the desperation in your sister’s voice that really got you, the tears in her eyes. And maybe it was also the desperation inside yourself, too,  and the ache in your heart that you knew you didn’t need to carry anymore. You wrapped your arms tight around your abdomen, and prepared yourself to say the most vulnerable, most terrifying words you had ever said, and might ever say. 

“I want to stay with you guys.” 

The words were barely out of your mouth before you were being squished into Ingrid’s arms, Mapi’s quickly following. Both of them hugged you tight, giving you the comfort you had been trying to give yourself. You didn’t need to do that, anymore. They would do it for you. 

You wouldn’t have to do any of the things you’d spent a long time doing alone, alone anymore. 

It had been years and years of wishing you had a family that loved you, thinking you’d give anything for a family that cared about you again. It turned out you didn’t need to give anything. You could just… have it. You just deserved it. 

-------

def not the end of my girl sol ☀️ we'll see more of her... soon ish :)

hope everyone enjoyed this little series <3 I love and appreciate you all very much

also... i was 🤏 this close to leaving part 4 on a cliffhanger where mr. engen shows up but the second part wouldn't have been long enough and i am much too nice

[copper-16]

Tulips and Two Embarrassing Mothers

Elena brings Kaia home to meet Ingrid and Mapi. Which of course leaves them to reminisce on the last time she brought home a partner to meet her parents.

(a/n: Once every blue moon Copper-16 attempts to be funny, despite the fact that she is inherently not a funny person! This is said attempt! Read at your own risk :)

Elena stared at her mother, sitting across the table from her. 

Mapi stared right back at her daughter, the two of them seemingly lost in a battle of wills that neither seemed inclined to give up. 

Ingrid stared at them from her position leaning back against the kitchen counter, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Here is the deal,” Elena said finally, her gaze pointed. “You are going to be nice, you are going to be kind, and most of all? You are going to be normal,” the dark haired girl stressed, her words harsh. 

“I will be normal!” Mapi cried out indignantly, and Ingrid finally allowed herself to shake her head slightly, giving in to the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Your track record is not exactly the best for this thing, and we both know that,” Elena sassed quickly, and Mapi slapped her hand over her heart, feigning that she was quite hurt by the statement. 

“Oh for Christ’s sake Mami, really? Do you need a reminder of what exactly happened last time?!” Elena fought easily, and Mapi stuck her nose up in the air, shaking her head. 

“I have no clue what you are talking about,” she shook her head stubbornly, and her daughter allowed her head to drop into her hands with frustration. 

—

Elena was seventeen, and it was the first time she was bringing a partner home to meet her parents. 

Which would have been fine, if not for the conversation that had happened the week prior at the dinner table. 

“Mami, Mama? I need to tell you something,” she explained as she set down her fork, both of her mothers looking up at her with concern. 

“What is it baby?” Ingrid asked softly, leaning forward with worry. The teenager seemed stressed about something, but neither of them knew what it was about. 

“Well, I…uh…I’m seeing someone. We are dating, in fact,” she explained, and her mother’s faces relaxed from concern to excitement. 

“Oh honey that is wonderful!” Mapi exclaimed, feeling a little better now that she knew it was not something bad. Elena seemed to perk up at her mother’s reaction, some of her nerves dissipating at their clear ease. She had been worried that they would be upset with her, but that didn’t seem to be the case. 

“And well…I was wondering if he could come for dinner so that you could meet him,” she continued, and Ingrid nodded her head with an easy smile on her face, very open to the idea. 

Mapi was also nodding her head, before she paused. It was a slight misstep, just a brief pause, before the smile was back on her face, just in a slightly more forced fashion. 

Elena had scampered off to her room after dinner, leaving the two wives alone to clean up the kitchen for the night. 

“Boyfriend?! She has a boyfriend?!” Mapi whisper screamed as she rushed after Ingrid into the kitchen. The Norwegian jumped at the sudden intrusion of her wife in her personal space, and she looked back at the Spaniard as though she had grown another head. 

“What? What is wrong? We always said we were okay with her dating, we just wanted her to be honest with us,” Ingrid remembered simply, not entirely understanding her wife’s outburst. 

“But a boyfriend?!” Mapi hissed, and Ingrid’s expression dropped as she began to understand. 

“María, just because we are gay doesn’t mean that our daughter is,” the green eyed woman explained slowly, keeping her voice level. 

“But you gave birth to her! You are the gayest person I know, look at your outfit! Look at your hands!” Mapi cried, as though this was a logical argument. Ingrid looked down first at the clothes that she was wearing, and then at her hands for a moment with complete confusion before she shook her head, refocusing on the conversation. 

“The fact that she came out of me, who is gay, has nothing to do with whether or not she will be gay,” Ingrid reasoned, and the Spaniard threw her head back dramatically, sighing heavily. 

“But now we have to follow the boyfriend protocol! I need to scare him! Show him that he will never be good enough for my little girl!” Mapi claimed, as the dark haired woman’s expression shifted to one of thinly veiled horror. 

“María min, you will do no such thing. I promise you, that is not what Elena needs from us,” Ingrid pleaded, knowing that her wife’s mind was already running with possibilities, none of which could be any good. 

“No, no, I need to prepare,” Mapi declared, pressing a kiss to her wife’s cheek before she left Ingrid in the kitchen, marching off to her office to get up to nothing good, that the Norwegian was sure of. The dark haired woman looked down at her hands once more, turning them over and back again before she shook her head, calling after her wife. 

“What do you mean, my hands are gay? What does that mean?!” 

—

Elena and Ingrid were preparing dinner when Mapi sauntered down the stairs, and both her daughter and wife turned at the sound of her entrance. 

For Ingrid, she had to attempt to hold back her laughter. For Elena, her jaw dropped open in shock, and not in a good way. 

“Mami, no!” Elena called out in despair, taking in the Spaniard’s outfit. 

Mapi was dressed in head to toe black formal wear. She had on a black button up, with black slacks and a black belt. Sunglasses sat over her eyes, never mind the fact that they were indoors. 

“You look like you are in the Secret Service!” Elena cried despondently, and Mapi smiled victoriously. 

“You said he is from America, no? He will be scared of me then, if I am dressed like the Secret Service,” she reasoned, as Elena dropped her head into her hands, her face flushing with embarrassment. It was true that the boyfriend, Grayson, was American. His mother worked in diplomacy and was settled here in Spain with her family, where Grayson attended the same private school that Elena did. 

“We met in my statistics class, it’s not like he stalked me!” Elena cried, her eyes roving over the outfit. “Mami, you cannot wear this. Tell her Mama!” The teenager tried, looking back at her other mother hopefully. 

“I already tried to talk her out of it! She was…insistent,” Ingrid replied diplomatically, trying to seem like she wasn’t about to burst out laughing. She was dressed in a simple sundress, far more normal than whatever getup Mapi was wearing. The Spaniard had by now taken off her sunglasses, making the whole getup slightly more palatable, but the teenager still had many complaints to be heard. 

But before Elena could even start to beg her mother to change, there was a knock at the door. 

Mapi turned toward the door, as did Elena at the same time, but her daughter was entirely unprepared for the mad rush that the Spaniard would make for the door, making it there before Elena and wrenching it open. 

On the opposite side stood a teenage boy, exactly as one would expect to find him. He looked a little squirrely already, holding a bouquet of tulips in his hand. He shifted from side to side, looking a little more perplexed than truly scared at Mapi standing in the doorframe. 

The former center back looked the boy up and down, clearly surveying him with a frown plastered onto her face. 

“Uh…hola?” The boy asked hesitantly, his face filling just slightly with relief when Elena’s face popped over her mother’s right shoulder. 

“Elena!” He smiled, but it dropped slightly when Mapi shifted to the side, suddenly blocking Elena from view. She still hadn’t moved from the doorframe, not allowing the boy any further into their home. 

“Mami, let him in!” Elena hissed, tugging at her mother’s arm. Mapi gave it another thirty seconds before she finally moved, grumbling under her breath. The teenager shot her boyfriend an apologetic look as she ushered him inside, allowing him to hand the flowers to Ingrid, who took them with a gentle nod of her head. 

As much as Mapi was putting a show on about it, Ingrid was still a little skeptical about the boyfriend as well. She was being perfectly friendly, which was more than her wife could say, but she was still on alert. 

“Come on, we are going to have dinner,” Elena stepped forward to grab the boy's hand, leading him insistently toward the set table that was out on their patio. 

“Hey, hey, everyone hands to themselves!” Mapi called out, and her daughter obeyed but not without shooting a death glare back at her. Ingrid looked equally unimpressed, wiping her hands on a towel as she shot her wife a look. 

“We might be instigating a bit of a double standard here,” 

“Hey, you and I are married! She is a baby!” Mapi argued heavily, but Ingrid wasn’t impressed. 

“We both know that we would have been horribly insufferable if we had met when we were younger. You were a horny mess when I met you at twenty five, I could not imagine you at seventeen,” Ingrid remarked with a hint of sarcasm, as Mapi shoved her respective pointer fingers into her ears, screwing her eyes shut as well. 

“Oh gross! La la la la la—I can’t hear you!” She called out as she moved toward the sliding glass door, joining the two students at the table as Ingrid brought out the last of the food. 

Things didn’t get much better once they had sat down, all of them beginning to make some small talk. Ingrid asked Grayson about his family and his time in Spain, curious as to what the life of a diplomat's son would be like. He answered kindly, speaking animatedly but with a good intelligence. 

He overall seemed like a good young man, but despite that, Mapi still glared at him as she ate, her chest puffed out more than necessary. 

“You two met in school, yes?” Ingrid inquired politely, and Elena nodded as she took a bite of chicken, unprepared for her mother’s next question.

“So, Grayson, do you make it a habit to always approach girls in these classes to ask them out?” Mapi accused, her words taut with a clear insinuation. Elena choked on the bite of food she was eating, swallowing roughly as she clawed for her glass of water, her face flushing red. 

“Mami!” She snapped under her breath. 

“Um…no? Elena was the one who asked me out, actually,” he admitted, and like a balloon, Mapi seemed to deflate. 

“Oh. That is very…female forward of you,” she conceded, murmuring it more to herself than anything else. Ingrid rolled her eyes, turning the conversation away from the awkward question. 

“You both used to play football, right?” Grayson asked, and Ingrid nodded, as did Mapi. 

“Did you play at Barcelona?” He asked, seeming to grow more excited. The Norwegian nodded once more, a smile slipping onto her face as she looked over at her wife. 

“We played together, as center backs,” Ingrid explained, and the teenager lit up with excitement. 

“Wow, that is so cool! My family are big Barcelona fans, I grew up watching them. That is so cool that you both played there so long,” he replied, trying to be friendly. 

“See Mami, he is a Barcelona fan! Isn’t that nice?” Elena probed, looking at Mapi hopefully. The brunette grumbled in agreement, spearing another piece of asparagus on her fork and shoving it in her mouth to avoid speaking more. 

In the end, it was Ingrid who scared the poor boy more than Mapi ever did. The Spaniard was too big making an accidental fool of herself entirely to really be all that effective in ‘scaring’ anyone, and the Norwegian’s quiet demeanor and piercing gaze turned out to be much better tactics for inciting fear, had that been the goal. 

It was only when the door shut on Grayson that Mapi turned to her wife and daughter, a big smile on her face. 

“I thought that went very well!” She declared, watching as both her wife and daughter’s heads dropped into their respective hands in unison. 

“Well, at least nobody will claim you two aren’t related,” the brunette sighed as she moved away from them, feeling quite content with her (slightly ridiculous) actions. 

“I am never speaking to you again!” Elena yelled down at her as she walked up the stairs, rolling her eyes at how horrible the whole dinner had gone. 

—

“I don’t see why you aren’t getting mad at her, she was the one who actually scared him!” Mapi reminded her daughter helpfully, pointing to Ingrid and entirely throwing her under the bus. 

“On accident! She scared him on accident!” Elena interjected, and Mapi threw a look at the dark haired woman, narrowing her eyes. 

“By accident! Have you seen her - she doesn’t do things by accident!” 

“I sure don’t,” she replied to her wife with an almost sultry undertone, and Elena gagged. 

“Gross, both of you! Keep it in your pants and together, please. You are going to be normal,” she pointed to Mapi first. 

“And you are going to be nice!” She turned to Ingrid, one eyebrow raised. Both of her mothers raised their hands in surrender, before promising their daughter that they would do their best to keep things kind. 

It was the first time her mothers were meeting Kaia. They had been dating for nearly a year at this point, but with the busy schedule of Kaia’s playing and Elena’s schooling, they hadn’t been able to coordinate for the striker to meet Mapi and Ingrid. 

They had technically met when the English girl was much younger, but it was the first time she was meeting them as Elena’s girlfriend. It was also the first time that she was introducing a partner to her parents since Grayson, and she was hinging on it going well. 

She really liked Kaia. The green eyed girl hadn’t dated a whole lot of people, but there was something about the footballer that felt…different. In the best way possible. 

Mapi is dressed in a nice white polo and some khaki slacks, a far cry from the Dracula inspired outfit she was wearing the last time. Ingrid has a t-shirt and a flowing skirt on, and it is she who offers to get the door when it rings, saving the student and Spaniard as Elena hurriedly reminds her mother of about ten more things to remember when meeting her girlfriend. 

“Kaia, hello!” Ingrid cries happily as she opens the door, immediately pulling the striker into a hug. She ushers the girl inside with a smile, and Elena does a double take when she realizes that her girlfriend is holding a bouquet of tulips, much like Grayson had. 

She hops up from the table, all but floating over to her girlfriend happily as she presses a kiss to her cheek, before she wraps her arms around the English girl, holding her tightly in her arms for a second. 

Perhaps, to protect her from the onslaught she is sure to receive from her mothers when she lets her go. 

But the daughter of the two former Barcelona center backs has absolutely nothing to worry about, it turns out. 

Because as though they have been magically cured of their skepticism, Mapi and Ingrid couldn’t be nicer. 

“You are so much bigger now, but I still remember when you were so little! Maren would visit and bring you to camp and we would always coo over how adorable you were,” Ingrid reminisces, as Kaia blushes slightly. 

“I hardly remember it, but I’m sure I loved going,” she gushed, placing the salad on the table as all of the women sat down together. 

“And you are playing at Chelsea now, is that correct?” Mapi asks, her voice friendly and open, as her daughter sitting next to her stares at her in shock. 

“Yes! They called me back from my loan from Hammarby last season and I’ve been playing with them for the year, it’s been a wonderful experience,” Kaia explained, and the Spaniard nodded slowly, considering her words. 

“Any interest in the Spanish league?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. Kaia was quick to affirm her question. 

“Yes, absolutely! That is the goal, especially with Elena being here for the next few years with school,” she explained, and approval shined in the Spaniard’s eyes as she nodded, before Ingrid moved the conversation along. 

It was only when Kaia got up to use the restroom that Elena whirled around to her mother, looking full of skepticism. 

“What is this!” She exclaimed, and Mapi’s eyebrows furrowed in instant confusion. 

“What do you mean!” She huffed, confused by the doubt present in her daughter's expression. 

“You are acting so…so normal!” Elena observed as Mapi’s expression shifted to one of indignancy. 

“I am normal! Tell her amor, I am so normal!” The brunette stressed, but Ingrid took one look at the pair and threw her hands up, standing up to clear the table to bring out dessert. 

“Oh no, there’s no way I’m getting involved in this discussion,” she clarified, leaving the two alone at the table. 

“When I brought Grayson home, you were the opposite of normal! You were absolutely deranged!” 

“Deranged might be a bit strong. I prefer overprotective,” Mapi denied helpfully, standing up from the table to go help Ingrid. “Besides, that boy was not good for you. Kaia is much better for you, much better to you.” 

Elena’s eyes narrowed as her mother spoke, her brain working overtime to discern the true meaning behind her words. 

“Is this because Kaia is a girl and Grayson was not?!” She realized, and while Mapi didn’t reply, her expression told the Spanish student everything she needed to know. 

“This is reverse discrimination!” Elena hissed, as Mapi looked back at her with an overly innocent face whilst she moved toward the kitchen. 

“What was that hon?” She called out, a rather devious grin on her face as her daughter sent her what must be her fifth death glare of the night. 

Mapi had just disappeared into the kitchen when Kaia walked around the corner, finding her girlfriend looking rather annoyed, a classic Elena expression. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” She asked instantly, one of her eyebrows raising as she looked around, expecting to find something amiss. Instead, all she saw was Mapi and Ingrid headed back to the table with dessert, smiling at one another. 

Elena caught one glimpse of them and groaned, running her hand over her face in slight frustration. She looked up at the English girl with an exasperated face as she shook her head. 

“Don’t even ask!"

[pitchsidestories]

don't say maybe II Ingrid Engen x Reader

masterlist I word count: 1466

a/n: dear readers, thanks for helping us to decide on Ingrid Engen for this fanfic, we hope you all enjoy it. <3

You were mesmerized by her from the moment you met her first, almost a year ago now.

And since then, you had only gotten more intimidated by her.

Ingrid Engen wasn’t just the sweetest sounding name you had ever heard, it also belonged to a woman that could easily pass for a Norwegian model. She was gorgeous, with long dark hair and light eyes.

Not only that, but she was also a talented football player.

Pretty rude to have that much luck in life, if anyone asked you. Still, you often found yourself looking at her, daydreaming about how it would be to date someone like that.

It was stupid, you knew. There was no sign that she was into girls, maybe she even had a boyfriend.

For some reason, you still could not stop yourself from talking about her.

“She’s amazing, Esmee. The way Ingrid stepped up from midfielder to defender due to Mapis injury…“, you were so in awe, you couldn’t even finish the sentence.

“Yeah, she really evolved.“, Esmee said from the massage table next to you while she got her physiotherapy treatment.

“While looking flawless.“, you added, biting your lip.

You decidedly ignored the look Esmee exchanged with your physio.

The dutch player sighed: “Jeez, she’s just a human being. Calm down.“

“I know that!”, you responded quickly and with more force than you had intended.

“Just ask her out if you’re so obsessed with her.“, Esmee laughed casually.

You only rolled your eyes: “Oh, you must be joking. She’ll never go out with someone like me!”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not that pretty and definitely not cool enough for her.“, you replied in a tone that made clear that the answer was obvious.

You physio decided to join your conversation. “Pretty low self-esteem for a football player.“, she teased you playfully.

You gasped and threw a roll of kinesiology tape in her general direction: “Rude!”

She caught it, already used to your shenanigans and shrugged: “I said what I said.“

“She’s not wrong.“, Esmee agreed.

“Hey!”

The physio started to massage your thighs that felt tight since the last training session: “Esmee is right. You should just ask her, what do you have to lose?”

“My dignity.“, you retorted quickly.

“You still have some?”, the physio asked, visibly proud of her own joke.

Esmee sided with her: “Surprising after saying that you’re not good enough for our Norwegian princess.“

You groaned, silently cursing yourself for being friends with them: “Okay, can you two stop now?

“We’ll once you sorted this out.”, the physio promised winking.

“There is nothing to sort out.”, you grumbled.

“Fine but you need to relax so I can work here.”, she advised.

“I’m relaxed.”, you lied.

“And a bad liar too.”, the physio chuckled.

“Stop it!”, you demanded, suppressing a smile.  

“Ah, already a bit better.”, she concluded happily, her hands soothing the tension in your muscles.

Later, Ingrid stood in the doorframe beaming at the Dutch player. “Hi Es, are you joining us for the basketball game?”

“Yes, of course.”, Esmee nodded, a half-crooked smile on her lips.

“Great. Do you know if y/n would be interested too.”, the Norwegian asked, playing nervously with a string of her dark hair.

“Very interested. Heard she loves basketball.”, she replied.

“She does, huh? To be fair she got the height for it, don’t you agree?”, Ingrid questioned biting her lip.

“Yeah, definitely.”, the younger woman agreed.

“I’ll ask her.”, she decided. The training the following day has just ended when Ingrid approached you. “Y/n?”

“Yes?”, you looked at her too stunned by her beauty up close to say more.

“Would you like to come to the game with us?”, the Norwegian addressed her question directly at you.

Under her gaze you could feel your cheek heat up. “Me? Yes, sure.”, you answered delighted.

“Perfect. Es is coming too.”, she answered.

“That’s cool. Did you know I almost became a basketballer?”, you begun to open up, feeling the usual tension you’d have in front of her leaving your body as you leaned nonchalantly on to the wall.

“No, you did?”, the brunette placing her hand on your upper arm seemingly impressed.

“Yes, but football feels like the right choice.”, you admitted, trying to ignore the urge to pinch yourself, this was better than any daydream about her.

“I was telling Esmee yesterday that you look like a basket baller.”, Ingrid confessed.

“You like that, hm?”, you countered cheekily.

“I do. I think it’s pretty funny.”, she responded.

“It’s a bit.”

“I mean I like tall women.”, the Norwegian declared blushing.

“Wait, you like..?”, you frowned.

“See you at the game.”, Ingrid cleared her throat.

“Can’t wait.”, you said while she was on her way out.

“Oh, Ingrid you got love in your eyes.”, Fridolina realized smirking while her best friend sat down on the passenger seat of her car.

“Frido!”, the younger woman groaned.

“What? It’s true.”, the blonde shrugged.

“It’s not.”, Ingrid disagreed.

“You’ll wear something cute later, right? See? I knew it.”, the Swede grinned triumphantly at the brunette.

“I didn’t say anything.”, she protested weakly.

“You didn’t need to I can read it from your face.”, Fridolina remarked. Years of friendship meant that words weren’t necessarily needed, the facial expressions spoke for themselves.

Ingrids cheeks reddened slightly: “Oh please.“

Fridolina knowingly raised an eyebrow: “You’re absolutely smitten.“

The Norwegian flinched at hearing these words out loud. She gently pushed her best friend: “Shut up.“

“Not until you ask her to go out with you.“, Fridolina laughed which caused Ingrid to frown at her.

“I’m not asking her.“, she said decidedly.

Fridolina left it at that and started driving.

You all met a few hours later at the stadium. Esmee and you were already seated, armed with food and drinks when the two Scandinavian girls arrived.

“Hi girls, Esmee and I got snacks.“, you greeted them, lifting the popcorn you were holding in their direction.

Fridolina grinned at you as she sat down: “Delicious. Let me try.“

“Here you go.“, Esmee said, offering her food to the Swede.

“So good.“, she nodded, happily chewing.

Ingrid had in the meantime taken the seat next to you and nudged you with her elbow: “So y/n…?”

“Yes?“, you asked, reluctantly tearing your eyes away from the game. Partly because of your interest in the game, partly because you were nervous to have Ingrid so close to you.

It was worth it though. When you looked up, she smiled at you with kind eyes and soft lips.

She nodded towards the court: “Can you imagine playing there too?”

“With the dudes? Hell no.“, you laughed.

Ingrid rolled her eyes: “Obviously not with men.“

“With girls? Yes, maybe but I prefer football.“, you replied more seriously this time. “Want me to teach you a little after the game?“

Your teammate beamed upon your suggestion: “Please.“

Finding your confidence, you replied: “Can’t say no to a pretty girl.“

“Me neither.“, Ingrid flirted back.

From your other side, Fridolina cringed: “This feels like an awful high school movie. Esmee?”

“Huh?“, asked the young player surprised.

“Come with me, I need something to drink.“

Esmee frowned at Fridolinas drink: “But your cup is still half full…“

Only after the Swede elbowed her in the side, she finally got up: “Okay, sorry, I get it.“

“Thanks.“

You watched the two leave the stands with a shake of your head: “These two really think they are not conspicuous at all, huh?”

“They’ve been planning this for while.“, Ingrid admitted.

Alarm signals went on in your head. Of course this had been too good to be true. Of course this was just a dumb joke and you were the butt of it.

You got up from your seat, heart racing: “What do you mean by planned?“

Ingrid gently reached for your hands, probably concerned that you could run away: “They knew you are exactly my type.“

“I’m your type?!”, you looked at her in disbelief.

“Yes.”, she confirmed earnestly.

“You’re mine too but I thought you were too perfect for me.”, you confessed.

“Too perfect? Me?”, the Norwegian replied amusedly.

“Yeah?”, you replied turning red.

“I’m not perfect.”, the beautiful woman stated.

“So, you said I’m your type and you’re mine, where do we go from here?”, you asked boldly.

“How about we leave this, and you teach me how to play basketball?”, Ingrid suggested.

“I’m in, let’s go.”, you declared while your teammate finally took your hand.

When you both got in her car teenage dirtbag was playing on the radio and you felt with the singer who sung that the girl he had admired all along had feelings for him as well.

Just like Ingrid who cared about you too. This life was sweeter than fiction.

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Rock bottom (But you pulled me up) (Ingrid Engen x Reader)

I'm trying to work on my requests and WIP, but inspiration is lacking so I thought I'd try something new. This is my first time writing for someone out of the uswnt and in this style so please let me know what you think.

Warnings: Mentions of depression, anxiety, brief emotional abuse. Slightly suggestive at the end. Anything I've missed let me know.

Words: 2.8K

You could tell Ingrid was hurt, it was written all over her face. She had made you a lovely dinner and just wanted to have a movie night after not spending much time together. Yet here you were making an excuse to leave once again, you felt like a horrible girlfriend. Ingrid had taken the time to do something nice for you, but you couldn't get out of your head enough to enjoy it. Before you had the chance to get up, Ingrid uttered those three words that sent dread coursing through you. "We need to talk."

You swallowed hard before speaking, "About what?" 

"You barely spend anytime with me anymore. You never message me first, we only do stuff because I organise it. I don't feel like you want me anymore. You're slipping away. Are you trying to get me to break up with you because this hurts so much more than just doing it yourself."

"No! Ingrid-" Tears stung your eyes as you tried desperately to keep it together. Afraid that if she saw how broken you were she would just leave. Things had been difficult for you lately, you were depressed, anxious and stressed. You felt so close to rock bottom, as a result you had been pulling away from Ingrid. The last thing you wanted was Ingrid to leave you, but you also didn't want to be a burden to her or scare her away with your emotions. 

"Then what is it? Did I do something wrong?"

You could practically see the hope disappearing from Ingrid's eyes the longer you didn't answer, leaving hurt in its place. "I feel like when I see you, I need to be able to give you 100% of myself, of my energy and time. I can't do that right now and it makes me feel guilty. Like I'm a horrible girlfriend, that you deserve better than what I'm giving you."

Ingrid took your hand, everything in you fighting the urge to lean into her touch, to fall into the comfort you knew was waiting. If only you could bring yourself to accept it. The voices of your parents and ex-girlfriend hung in the back of your mind stopped you though. The voices that told you you were a burden to the people around you, that everyone had bigger problems to worry about and didn't care about you. The voices that told you Ingrid deserved better than you and your problems. 

"Elskling, relationships don't have to be equal all the time. There's times where it'll be 50/50, but there's times where you give 90% and I'll give 10% or the other way round, sometimes it'll be 70/30 or 60/40. You get my point. What's going on? You haven't been yourself lately and it's really worrying me. Talk to me please."

You sighed pulling away from Ingrid to cross your legs under yourself, grabbing a cushion to hold. There was a part of you that thought being single would be easier, that there was less risk of hurting Ingrid that way. At the same time you knew it was those stupid little voices in the back of your mind that kept pushing that thought. You loved Ingrid more than anything in this world and deep down you knew she loved you just as much. You didn't want to let everyone else win, you didn't want to let your mind win for once in your life. 

Talking about feelings was incredibly hard, it wasn't something you could do while being comforted by Ingrid or anyone really. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately, it's not fair to you and I know that. I-I'll try to explain it all, bu-but I need you to be patient with me. Just let me speak and not touch me, I can't do this if you do."

"Anything you need. I just need you to know that whatever you tell me, I won't ever judge you. I love you Y/n, I love you so much."

"I love you Ingrid. I'm sorry if I ever made you doubt that. Okay, so I um I think I need to start with why I have such a hard time letting people in, especially those I love. My family, well to put it bluntly they're assholes. They were constantly putting down everything about my sister and I, nothing we ever did was good enough. Any problems we went through were nothing to them, they always told us that people had bigger problems, that they had bigger problems and we were just adding more stress to their lives if we talked to them about anything remotely not positive. Tha-thats the short version anyway. My uh my ex was pretty similar, she would tell me that she had better things to do then deal with my trauma or depression. If I was unhappy she would turn it around, say that she wasn't enough to make me happy. Even before her, I majorly struggled with my feelings and opening up to people. Fear mostly, that's why I um haven't told you anything. Fear that I'll be too much for you and that you'll leave me."

Tears threatened to fall, but pushing them back you continued talking. "I'm really struggling right now Ingrid. My depression is the worst it's been in years. The anxiety just sits there constantly under the surface making it feel impossible to breathe. Constant doubt about if I've made the right decisions, if I'm good enough at football, if I'm good enough for you, there are so many more things I could list. Sometimes I feel like everyone would be better off if I just packed up and left. I'm so sick of feeling like this, but I don't know how to get it to stop. This is probably one of the scariest things I've ever done, but I've had already almost lost you Ingrid. I can't let them win by actually losing you. I love you so fucking much, I can't lose you Ingrid, I can't."

Tears were near pouring out of you both as Ingrid sat there for a second. When you didn't speak she must have decided you were finished talking because the next second arms wrapped around you so tightly and you completely broke. Ingrid held you tight until the sobs turned to sniffles then you feel silent. Ingrid's hold never completely let go, it was like a life line at this point. 

"I love you Y/n. I loved you before and I still love you just as much now. I'm not going anywhere. Nothing your parents or ex said is true. I always want to know how and what you're feeling, I will always be here for you. No matter what your mind tells you, you are never too much for me or for the team or anyone who truly loves you. Our lives are so much better with you here so please don't even think about leaving because we will miss you. I will be here every step of the way while you figure things out, I will help you get the help you need. If you need space, I'll give you that, but if you need me here then I will always be here. I know you feel like you need to be giving me all of yourself, all of your energy, but you don't. Even if you can just give me 1% until you get over this bump in the road then that's enough for me. You are enough for me Y/n."

"I think there will be times when I need to be alone, but most of the time I just really want to be with you. I need to work on accepting that I deserve your love and comfort so I actually seek it out when I need it or want it. Some reassurance every now and then will help I think. Can we talk about the next steps tomorrow? I just want you to hold me right now."

"I will give you all the reassurance you need and more. Have you eaten today?" Ingrid asked, but the look in her eyes told you she knew the answer so you just shook your head. "Okay, I'm going to order some food while we cuddle here then we can go to bed."

True to her word, Ingrid held you tightly while you lay on the couch, staying close to your side during dinner and as you got ready for bed. "Thank you, for everything you've done, for being here, for loving me."

Ingrid kissed you softly, before pulling away and leaving soft kisses over your face, "Always."

Lying in bed later that night, head resting against Ingrid's chest, you decided to admit the one thing that kept swirling around your mind, "I think I need to take a break from football. Not the training, I think that helps me, but games. The pressure that comes from each game feels like weight being added. Makes me feel like I'm being dragged further down into this hole."

"Okay, if that's what you feel you need then we can talk to the coaches or Ale and she can sort it out. I know the thought of telling anyone else what is going on is scary, but Ale or anyone else on the team aren't going to judge you or think any less of you because of it."

"I think maybe we can talk to Alexia, not tell her everything, but the jist of it."

"I'll be by your side when you're ready." ---

It had been a few weeks since the talk with Ingrid and since you made the decision to stop playing in games for a while. The only person who knew why was Alexia, it was clear that everyone else was worried, but until now you hadn't felt ready to tell them and thankfully they didn't push. 

There was still a long way to go, but things had been slowly getting better over the last few weeks. You had started seeing the team therapist multiple times a week and had restarted medication for the time being at least. Everything was starting to become clearer, you weren't as anxious all the time, you were becoming more willing to talk to Ingrid, to actually spend time with her without worrying about not being enough, and smiles and laughs were becoming more genuine when they did happened. 

The team had been amazing despite not knowing what was going on, they were as supportive and loving as ever. So you decided it was time to let them in a little bit. You squeezed Ingrid's hand, getting her attention as you spoke quietly, "Can you get their attention please? I know they're worried about me and I think I'm ready to tell them."

"Hey! Can we have your attention for a minute."

Once everyone's attention was on you, the anxiousness started to creep in, but with Ingrid's hand still firmly holding yours, you took a deep breath and spoke, "I know you've all be wondering why I've effectively benched my self the last couple of weeks and I want to be honest about it. I've uh I've been um struggling a lot mentally at the moment and I decided I needed a break. The pressure was too much, I couldn't handle it on top of everything else. So uh yeah, I don't want you guys to keep worrying about me."

It was quiet for a few seconds before many arms wrapped themselves around you, mumbled we love you's and we're proud of you's were heard as you sunk into the arms of your teammates. Surprisingly, Mapi was the first to pull away, cupping your cheeks as she spoke uncharacteristically softly, "You keep doing what you're doing and come back to us when you're ready. You always have is in your corner Y/n. We are so proud of you and we love you. If there's anything you ever need you can come to us okay?"

"Thank you Mapi. Thanks all of you." --- A few months had passed and you were finally feeling like yourself again. There were still hard days, you were pretty sure there always would be, but you were genuinely happy again most of the time. You found yourself more willing to open up to not just Ingrid, but some of the other girls you were closest to. It was safe to say your life was pretty well back on track, there was just one thing left to do and that was get back to football. You hadn't told anyone of your plans to start playing games again, you had just been put in the line up as a sub, but after conversations with the coaching staff you knew you were likely to come in at half time. 

When the line up came out, Alexia was the first to notice and speak up effectively getting everyone else's attention, "Y/n?"

"Yes Ale?"

"Is there anything you want to tell us?"

Ingrid looked at you confused as you shrugged trying to be as innocent as possible while knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Oh really? Well how about the small fact that your name is on the substitute list again?"

"Oh yeah. That is a thing I guess."

Smiles grew on everyone's faces as it clicked what was happening. Ingrid practically jumped on you repeating over and over how proud she was, kisses placed over your faces. The team joined not long after, everyone cheered and congratulated you. 

"Okay okay, you can let go of me now. Yes I finally feel ready to come back."

Once everyone had let you go, Alexia pulled you up into a hug. Since she found out about your struggles, Alexia had been amazing. She was always subtly checking in whether you were at training or not, she would pull you away when everything got too overwhelming and Ingrid was busy, making some excuse so know one else would know the truth. Alexia was always just there in a way that was subtle and comforting. "Well we're so so glad you're back. I'm so proud of you Y/n."

"Thank you Ale, for everything."

As soon as your foot hit the pitch, you felt the excitement, adrenaline and happiness that you thought may have been gone for good. You felt yourself falling in love with football all over again, it was like the final weight had fallen from your shoulders. There would always be bad days or even bad weeks, you knew that, but with Ingrid, your family and your new found coping mechanisms, you finally felt ready to face them. 

---

You arms wrapped around Ingrid as she chopped the vegetables, she briefly turned to kiss your cheek before going back to her task. "Hi Elskling, you played really well today. How did it feel?"

"Hey love. It felt incredible, I know I needed a break, but man did I miss it. Anyway, enough about me I have a surprise for you. I was originally going to give it to you after dinner, but I can't wait anymore. Here." You replied, placing an envelope on the counter in front of her. You could never express how thankful you were for everything Ingrid had done for you over the last few months, for sticking by your side through everything. So instead you had decided to start with a few days away in Venice. It was something she had wanted to do for a while and you decided to make it happen.

 Ingrid looked at you for a second before opening the envelope, a smile appearing as she looked at the tickets inside. "What's this?" 

"I know what you're going to say to this, but I am so thankful for everything you've done for me. Sure we've spent a lot of time together, but it hasn't been the quality, good time you deserve. So you and I are going to spend a few days alone in Venice in a couple of weeks when we have a bit of time off. Now I don't want to hear any buts or I didn't have to do this, just say you're excited and give me a kiss."

Ingrid cupped your cheeks, allowing you to press her against the counter as she pulled you in for a lingering kiss. Just as Ingrid went to pull away, you cupped the back of her neck pulling her back in as the kiss grew heated. You didn't want to say that you stopped enjoying Ingrid's kisses because that's impossible, it was just intimacy beyond cuddling between the two of you had dropped off to almost nothing the last few months. There were still short kisses here and there, but you couldn't get out of your head long enough to actually be present for anything more and that wasn't fair to Ingrid. Your lips moved along her jaw as a quite moan slipped past Ingrid's lips.

"Di-dinner," Ingrid moaned as your hand slipped under her shirt. 

Ingrid's legs wrapped around your waist as you walked back to the bedroom, "Dinner can wait."

[mapiforpresident]

Can you please do Patri Guijarro with prompt 19?

Dare

Patri Guijarro x reader

Summary: You and Patri reveal you are together through a game of truth or dare at Mapi and Ingrid's apartment during team bonding night.

~~~

"Let's go we ... are going to be late," you said as you tried to shove Patri off as she kissed down your neck with you pinned against the kitchen doorway. You let out a soft groan as she took your hand and pinned it above your head as she kissed the sensitive spot right under your ear. "Patri... we really... have to go," you said in between slight pants. You knew if you didn't stop her now, you would never end up going.

After one more peck on your lips she released your hand. "How about we stay here instead amor, if we go I don't know if I will be able to keep my hands off of you. This dress looks so good."

"Gracias, but we have to go we are bringing the dessert and you know Pina and Bruna will bust our door in if we don't bring the dessert."

"Ugh, fine but I will have my way with you as soon as we get back."

"Of course amor, you can have your way with me all night," you whispered in her ear as you trailed your finger down her shirt before quickly pulling away and walking towards the door. "Don't forget the dessert, I'll be in the car."

"I hate everything" Patri whispered to herself as she grabbed the dessert and her keys before following you out the door.

~~~

You still had not told your teammates that you were dating because they all knew you had been pinning after each other since the youth teams and would tease you relentlessly if you revealed your relationship to them. You also had been enjoying the secrecy and the sneaking around so far. All that your teammates knew was that the two of you were roommates and friends.

"Desserts arrived," you shouted as you opened Alexia's door and paraded into the room plopping on your best friend Ona's lap.

"Ay, that hurt, get your bony ass off me and give me a cupcake," Ona said grabbing the container after shoving you off.

"No, no, no and no," Alexia said grabbing the container and bringing it into the kitchen. "No dessert until after everyone has eaten a balanced dinner. Even though its a cheat day everyone still needs to eat a normal dinner first."

"Ugh, way to kill all the fun," you said as you got up and sat where Alexia had been seated.

You talked and laughed with Ona and Salma until Alexia called everyone for dinner which was eaten quickly in a rush to move on to dessert which was rare in the middle of the season. Mapi and Ingrid had gone all out with the decorations, turning their apartment into a cozy, festive space perfect for team bonding.

"Alright, everyone," Mapi announced, clapping her hands to get everyone's attention. "Let's get this night started. Who's up for a game of truth or dare?"

A chorus of enthusiastic responses, besides Alexia who sent a slight glare towards Mapi, filled the room, and the circle quickly formed. The game began with lighthearted dares and harmless truths, laughter echoing with each turn. Then, it was Patri's turn.

"Truth or dare?" Jana asked, a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Dare," Patri replied confidently.

"Alright, I dare you to... kiss the person you're most attracted to in this room."

The room fell silent, all eyes on Patri. You felt your cheeks flush as she stood up, a determined look on her face. She walked over to you, her eyes never leaving yours. At that moment you were the only two in the room and you completely forgot that your teammates were surrounding you.

Patri leaned down, cupping your face in her hands, and pressed her lips to yours in a tender, lingering kiss. The room erupted in cheers and whistles, and you could hear someone—probably Bruna—shouting, "Finally!"

When the kiss ended, Patri sat down next to you, her hand finding yours. "Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag," she said with a smile, eyes lingering on you.

Alexia leaned forward, grinning. "So, how long has this been going on?"

You exchanged a glance with Patri before answering. "A few months. We wanted to keep it private for a while, but I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you all."

Ona smirked, nudging you playfully. "I knew there was something going on. You two were way too close to just be roommates."

"Yeah, we kind of figured it out," Mapi added. "But we wanted you to tell us in your own time."

Although your teammates definitely teased you and Patri, they were also very happy to see you both so happy. And they teased you even more when you showed up with a few marks on your neck to practice the next day.

[maxsimagination]

𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝘁 - 𝗼.𝗯𝗮𝘁𝗹𝗹𝗲

summary: yn is a well known tattoo artist, and mapi happens to be her most frequent customer and avid gossiper.

𖦹 masterlist

"𝗠𝗔𝗣𝗜! 𝗠𝗬 𝗙𝗔𝗩𝗢𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗧𝗘 living canvas!" i yell out to my favourite customer as she walks into the studio.

"yn! my favourite tattoo artist!" i laugh at her antics. "mapi, i'm you're only tattoo artist. you don't let anyone else near your skin." she poked her tongue out at me and sat in the chair.

"so what are we doing?" mapi pulled her phone out and showed me a sketch that i knew she'd been wanting for a while. while i was getting my products out and cleaning everything, mapi was talking about the latest news with her team, barcelona. "we signed a new player, she's from manchester united."

i knew what mapi was talking about already and i knew the player that had transferred. it was my girlfriend, ona batlle. i was over the moon when she'd told me she was moving clubs to come over to barcelona. owning a tattoo studio doesn't require me to travel a lot so it was mostly long distance, but we made it work.

we face timed and called when we could and texted often. i knew most of her now-teammates through my work, especially mapi. she was my most frequent customer and probably one of my closest friends.

her girlfriend, ingrid, would come along to some of her sessions sometimes and we'd chat while mapi was practically half asleep in the chair. i had also done work with players like alexia putellas, patri guijarro and of course, ona but they didn't know that.

"we played our most recent game with her and she's actually pretty good." mapi was still talking about ona and i sat with a smile while i worked, glad to hear praise for my girlfriend's soccer skills. "i hear she has a girlfriend." that bit caught my attention. "how do you know?" a grin was plastered on my face at her words.

"she has a vibe, a feeling that she's happy with life. i don't know, i just hear things from the girls." it was comical really, how right they were, but i definitely wasn't going to say anything.

we spend about two hours there, me working on mapi's tattoo and mapi talking my ear off about anything and everything. when i'm done, i clean off the excess ink and spread some gel on it before mapi is up and bounding over to the mirror to see her latest artwork.

we finished up and mapi handed me the cash she'd gotten for today. i thanked her and she was on her way. when i closed up for the day i called ona, something we do regularly now that she's in barcelona with me. "hola mi cariño." (hello my darling.)

"hola mi amor. how was training?" (hello my love.)

"bien, (okay) it was just the normal. although the girls kept talking about how they think i have a girlfriend." i laughed at that, it was the same thing mapi had told me about when she was with me. before she went to training.

"they aren't wrong." i laughed. "mapi told me about that today. she said there's rumours your dating someone." we just laugh together at that. it's not like we are trying to hide our relationship from our friends, they just haven't figured it out yet. and when ona was at manchester i would fly over to her, so it wasn't as obvious.

"did you want to go out after? we can go to your favourite cafe?" ona offered.

"por favor, amor. i need to spend time with just you." (please, love.)

we agreed and ona said she'd pick me up from mine in an hour. i lived by myself in an apartment not too far away from the studio. ona tended to hop between living with me and one of her teammates since she's been in barça. i was honestly surprised that none of them have caught on when she wasn't living with them.

as promised, ona picks me up and we drive out to the cafe. it was small and slightly secluded with some tables scattered through the front and down the side.

it was such a pretty place and had the best food i'd ever tasted, i loved it so much. we enjoyed our time together and shared some food before we had to head out. what i didn't expect when we walked out was mapi, waiting, with a semi-tired ingrid in tow.

"i knew it! i knew she was dating someone!" she was almost yelling and had completely shocked both ona and i.

"maria leon! what are you doing?" i used her real name, that got her attention. "lo siento, (sorry) i knew you knew something when i told you during our tattoo session. normally you are all over gossip with the girls, but today you seemed like you already knew about it. it just made me think-" i smiled at how mapi was rambling about how she knew about us. i looked down at ona and she was already grinning at our friend. "-about how happy ona seemed and how you are and-"

"mapi, it's okay. we don't care if people find out about us." mapi stopped talking and looked at us before breaking into a grin. "sorry, thankyou. i think you guys are cute."

we all ended up laughing together, even ingrid who looked like she needed a nap. after we'd caught up mapi and ingrid left to go to their place, while ona went to mine with me. "i guess the rumours were true, onita." i grinned over at her from the passenger seat. she was grinning back at me before responding.

"shut up, amor." (love.) then; "i want you to tattoo me again."

[mrs-stans]

How Sebastian Stan and Adam Pearson got under each other’s skin for ‘A Different Man’

Adam Pearson and Sebastian Stan both know what it’s like to have people stare at them and be made to feel like they owe the public something.(Sean Dougherty / For The Times)

By Tim Grierson

When Adam Pearson was young, he rubbed elbows with celebrities. “I was at Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital, one of the best pediatric institutes in the world,” he recalls of the London facility, “and they often had famous people come in to meet the kids. I met Boyzone, a big Irish boy band in the ’90s. The other one was Princess Diana.” The British actor was 5 when he was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis Type 1, a condition that resulted in the growth of large tumors across his face. Those tumors would often cause passersby to gawk cruelly, which made Pearson feel an unlikely kinship with the notable figures who stopped by the hospital. “I was like, ‘Oh, these people get the same staring and pointing I do, but people seem to like them.’ I wasn’t resentful, it was just an observation I made as a 12-year-old: ‘Oh, OK, that’s fascinating.’”

Decades later, Pearson, who turns 40 in January, is on a Zoom call from London alongside his co-star Sebastian Stan, beaming in from New York, to discuss their thought-provoking, satirical film “A Different Man,” which is all about appearance and perception. Writer-director Aaron Schimberg introduces us to Edward (Stan), a struggling actor with neurofibromatosis who believes he’ll be happier once he undergoes an experimental procedure that removes his tumors, revealing the sexy man underneath. Later walking around New York with a new identity — that of the slick real estate agent Guy — he discovers that the aspiring playwright he pined for, Ingrid (Renate Reinsve), has written a drama about his former self, who will be portrayed by Oswald (Pearson), a happy, charming man with neurofibromatosis. Guy looks on in horror as his old life is played with such flair by Oswald, who steals Ingrid away as well. Maybe it wasn’t his condition that had held him back — maybe it was just him.

Stan, 42, found two-time Oscar-nominated makeup artist Mike Marino to craft the realistic mask for Edward. But there was something even more important for Stan to get right. “I wanted to talk to Adam about how he was feeling about myself playing this part and having someone step into these shoes without neurofibromatosis,” he says. “Just really trying to be mindful and understand how I need to approach this so I can be of service to the character but also to somebody who actually has this condition.”

It was during those initial conversations that Pearson, who previously appeared in “Under the Skin” and starred in Schimberg’s 2018 drama “Chained for Life,” gave Stan, best known as the Winter Soldier in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the insight that living with neurofibromatosis was not dissimilar to being famous. “They both come with certain levels of invasiveness,” Pearson explains. “You almost become public property. The public feels that you owe them something. So while Sebastian might not know the staring, the name-calling, the camera phones in a way I do, he certainly knows what it’s like to have people think [they] deserve to have a selfie with him.”

Sebastian Stan plays an actor with an ugliness inside, Adam Pearson plays the disfigured actor who is charming and confident, and Renate Reinsve is friend to them both. (Matt Infante/A24)

The absolute honesty between the two actors was crucial for a film that is candid about the stigmas around disfigurement. Schimberg, who became friends with Pearson during “Chained for Life,” also drew from his own experience with a cleft palate. “Aaron is such an incredible writer — he’s set up these things that rope you in as a viewer to judge Edward because of his appearance,” Stan says. “We project these stereotypical thoughts: ‘He’s lonely, somebody’s taken pity on him.’”

But with Oswald, “We haven’t made the connection yet that someone like Adam could actually be OK with themselves — and not only that, incredibly confident and accepting of themselves as they are.”

Indeed, “A Different Man” toys with our expectations, depicting Oswald as the life of the party, while the conventionally handsome Guy is riddled with insecurity. Unsurprisingly, Stan and Pearson have noticed that viewers sometimes don’t know what to make of Schimberg’s acerbic sense of humor.

“I’m always looking around to see what’s landing and what isn’t landing, because I’ve never had an audience react the same way,” Pearson says, amused. “Everyone finds different things either funny or uncomfortable.”

“The film asks very important questions in terms of disability and disfigurement,” adds Stan, “but we can also offer people permission to experience the film as they might. It is funny. Aaron Schimberg has said, ‘If you think this is a comedy, that’s fine — if you think this is a tragedy, that’s fine too. It’s both.’”

Much has been made of Stan’s recent so-called risk-taking performances, including in the Donald Trump biopic “The Apprentice.” (He won Berlin’s lead actor trophy for “A Different Man.”) “One of the reasons I’ve lately gravitated more toward what I’d call ‘transformational’ roles is because they do make it easier to lose yourself and to stay in it for the entire time,” suggests Stan, who lived in Romania and Vienna as a child. “I wanted to be an actor because it saved my life. I grew up in a very weird, chaotic time. I was always searching for identity — I came to this country when I was 12, and it was a shocking experience. Acting was a way of release and communication — it was a language, in a way, and it allowed me to understand myself.”

Pearson understands that sentiment. “There’s something inherently terrifying about putting yourself out there,” he says. “When I first got into TV when I was 25, one of my friends gave me what we now lovingly call ‘the talk of doom.’ He was like, ‘You are going to go on TV, and people watch TV — if they don’t like you, they will tell you on whatever platforms you are on. Do you think you can handle that?’”

He could, and his work in “A Different Man” has only raised his profile. Now he’s the one who’s a celebrity, although he acknowledges those old anxieties remain.

“Even now, my friends are like, ‘Aren’t you just a little bit scared that people are going to [not like you]?’ I’m like, ‘Yeah, I’m always scared,”’ Pearson says. “Option A is, ‘Don’t do it,’ and then Option B is, ‘Do it scared.’ And I’d rather do it scared than not do it at all.���

[strwyofthesun]

12:58

pairing: leon kennedy x agent!(fem)reader

synopsis: you become leon's informant for a mission while hunnigan is on leave and end up in a relationship with him a while after. all is well until leon goes on a certain mission.

word count: 3k

content: angst, hurt/no comfort, mentions of war, mentions of cheating, drunk leon, mention of bleeding, mentions of death (?)

a/n: there is a severe lack of hurt/no comfort leon fics on here and i plan on fixing that /j maybe there is and im just not looking hard enough but oh well if i can't find one i'll make one. also! this takes place after re:damnation which explains the us and russia war so pls dont be startled by the mention of it.

the rain poured heavily on the cold pavements of the sidewalk you and him once walked together, hand in hand, the both of you thought that maybe this was where you were both meant to be, with each other. atleast, that was you thought. if that were the case, you wouldn’t be under the pouring rain, crying over what you once thought was your forever. the salty tears mixed with the rain as the droplets hit your face. you bit your lip in frustration refusing to believe that this is happening to you, but you always knew, deep down, this was bound to happen.

a few months had gone by and things have finally settled down at the DSO ever since the war between the us and russia. missions have been more manageable and not as large scale as the war and everything else has been rather tame. you’ve been working as an FOS (field operations support) agent for quite some time already to know the ins and outs of how things work. its been a few years serving as agent and an information source to multiple other agents in the DSO but not once have you worked with the man himself, leon kennedy. his informant was ingrid hunnigan, a long time FOS agent. she had worked alongside leon ever since 2004 when he saved ashley graham, the president’s daughter and ever since then they have been working together until now. over time, the two of you have gotten close and have even worked together in some missions. not only were you co-workers, but also good friends outside of work.

you stood outside the office yet you could already hear the clatter and busy sounds of the people working. you opened the door and greeted your fellow co-workers a good morning, except for one person. scanning the room from all its four corners, you couldn't find hunnigan anywhere, not even at her desk. so, you asked a co-worker of yours that sat just a cubicle beside you about her.

“hey, have you seen hunnigan around?”

“oh, she’s on leave i think? i saw a note on her desk, it’s for you, so you can just check that out.”

“ahh, alright thanks.”

you walk up to hunnigan’s desk and hover over her files looking for the note that your co-worker told you about. you murmured to yourself, “here it is…”

“i’m currently on leave for while due to some family issues and they need me back home. it was really urgent, i’m sorry i couldn’t tell you sooner. also, i left my assignment to you so please do me the favor. leon is going on a mission by the time you’re reading this note, someone will get you patched up to his line so don’t worry. i owe you [y/n]. –hunnigan”

“she’s definitely gonna owe me for this…” you muttered curses in your head when you were suddenly interrupted by a tap on the shoulder.

“[l/n] right?” asked by an unfamiliar face. but based on hunnigan’s note, you knew that this is the someone she was talking about.

“yes that is me, i’m assuming you will get me on mr. kennedy’s line?”

“ah, yes. i see that you have been informed.”

“i don’t know the complete details of the mission so if you would kindly brief me…”

“don’t worry, please follow me.”

you followed them into a room where they explained the information you will be needed as leon’s informant for the mission. in the back of your head, you were nervous. you’ve never worked with leon before and he has made quite the name for himself in the government and is particularly well liked by the president. working with someone with such a high status made you really agitated but you calmed yourself down thinking that this was like every other mission you’ve been on.

a few hours had gone by and you are now in the communications area. you have all the files you needed in one folder, you’ve been briefed on the current situation, and everything seems to be under control.

“mr. kennedy is on the chopper as we speak. you may now call him and let him know all the other details that he will be needing.”

“i’m a bit nervous…”

“there is no need to be nervous, i’m sure hunnigan trusted you enough to know that you will do well in her place.”

“yeah, you’re right…”

“i’ll leave you be now, you got this.”

after the words of encouragement from hunnigan’s colleague, you took a deep breath and pressed the call button to which leon quickly responded. “so, where’s the landing po- oh?” he looked into the screen of his phone and squinted. “you’re not hunnigan…”

“you’re right, i’m not. just a substitute while she’s on leave. i have your landing point marked mr. kennedy.”

“oh is that so? don’t bother with the formalities, just call me leon. and you? how should i call you?”

“[y/n] will do.”

“alright [y/n], pretty name for a pretty girl like yourself.”

leon’s words caught you off guard and you could feel your face heat up. you cleared your throat and looked visibly flustered over the phone over a simple compliment from him. leon saw this and chuckled at the sight of you blushing through the screen.

“thanks… um...”

“so pretty girl, are you gonna inform me now or what?

“oh right, right… refrain from any making unnecessary comments while on the job please.” you said as you tried to regain some some sense into yourself.

“yes mam, whatever you say.” leon said with a grin on his face.

after that mission, you and leon still kept contact even when hunnigan came back from her leave. he would always message you about his day and he’d take you out on dates whenever he had the chance to. but the label was never specified between the two of you. you understood that in his line of work consistency within a relationship was hard to maintain. not only that, but the overthinking that you would have to face almost everyday would eat you up if you were not mentally strong enough to handle it. the thought that maybe leon could be badly hurt in a location you couldn't reach, or even worse, him dying on the job, not even having the chance to say his final goodbyes to his loved ones, friends, you. so you thought that maybe it was for the best.

you were each other’s relief and the more time went by, the stronger your feelings for leon grew. and because of this, you decided to distance yourself from him, in hopes that he would just forget about you so that he could focus on his work. but leon couldn’t forget you. everyday he thought of you, you were the first thing on his mind and the last thing he thinks about before going to sleep. and even in his dreams he saw you. 24/7 you were on his mind. everytime he was on a mission, he always thought of coming back home to you, but you didn’t know that. he never told you how much you have plagued his mind ever since the day he met you and heard your voice through the intercom. he found purpose and reason to live. he didn’t feel like someone who’s at the government’s disposal, a weapon, a mere shell of a person made to execute the living dead. when you had decided to distance yourself from him, leon needed you to know that it was the last thing he wanted.

the repeated ringing of your doorbell echoed in your apartment. you got up from your bed feeling annoyed and rubbed your eyes as it adjust slowly to the bright light of your digital clock. 12:58, who could be ringing your doorbell like a maniac at this hour? slowly, you shuffled to the front of the door and checked the peep hole before opening the door. suddenly, your half-asleep state suddenly vanished and you were completely awoken by the sight of leon outside your door. it had been a few weeks since you had cut contact with him, and you did not expect him to show up infront of your doorstep at that very moment.

once leon heard the sound of the door unlock, he swung it open and immediately threw his arms around you.

“leon, what are you-“

“please, don’t leave me…” he choked out these words as he pulled away from his embrace and you could see his eyes start to well up with tears.

“i have loved you ever since i have laid my eyes on you. and these past few weeks had made me realize how much i've missed you. whether it was a text, a call, time with you, i missed everything about you. i don’t ever want you to think that you’re just someone i waste my time with to get off. you matter so much to me and yes, i’d love to waste my time with you, not for my own pleasure, but because i love you. i love you so much it physically pains me when you’re not around so please… don’t leave me…”

“i’m here right now leon, i’m not leaving you… i promise.”

life after leon’s confession had looked up and the two of you had never been happier. he had moved in with you and every day you share together was a day well-spent. during the mornings, you and leon would always take a stroll down the pavements outside your apartment, hands intertwined, the both of you enjoyed each other’s company for as long as time could allow. for the first few months, as you expected, the overthinking hit you. was he going to come back safely? is he going to survive? when would he back home? anything could happen to him. leon knew this would happen at one point and he never wanted you to worry. so, he would send you sweet messages or even call you when he could but you didn’t want to interrupt him on his missions. that's why sometimes, leon would send messages to hunnigan for her to pass on to you. you could see how much effort leon was putting into the relationship and it made your heart skip a beat everytime you think about it, especially because you felt like you didn’t deserve it. you didn’t deserve any ounce of leon’s love. but leon always told you otherwise. and he would always show you that you deserved every single bit of it.

later on in the relationship, you and leon got to know each other fully. he opened up about his childhood, his traumas, and ada. he reassured you that even though ada was a big part of his life before, you were his now and his future. and you did feel somewhat thankful for ada because you knew that without her, leon would not have survived the raccoon city incident. but it haunted you knowing that she was all he could think about for a big portion of his life. not to mention his relations with her before the us and russian war. knowing that they have been together and that he longed for her return everytime. how could you compare to the woman he had yearned for years on end. every time you would overthink this, leon would always reassure you that if she came back he wouldn’t be phased by her presence because he was inlove with you and only you. atleast, that’s what he said.

leon was off to another mission as per usual, you kissed him and bid him the words you always say before he goes. “be safe always and don’t forget to return to me. i love you leon.” he smiles and would always respond back, “i’ll be safe and i will always return to you. i love you too [y/n].” it was basically a ritual at that point.

a few hours later, your phone buzzed and the screen lit up. it was a text from leon.

my special agent: hey princess, i’ll be sent off soon. can’t wait to finish this so i can get back home to you.

you: alright, take care baby, i love you.

my special agent: i love you more ;)

you were at ease but it didn’t last long when days turned into weeks and you haven’t heard from him. you decided to ask hunnigan during work about leon’s whereabouts.

“hey hunnigan, have you heard from leon?”

“umm, no i haven’t had contact from him in awhile… what’s the matter?”

“he’s been radio silent and i’m getting worried that something happened in his mission.”

“his mission? it was successful. he finished it 3 weeks ago.”

“3 weeks ago? then why hasn’t he let me know?”

“i’m sorry [y/n] but i am not aware of his whereabouts ever since he finished. try asking chris if he knows anything.”

“i will, thank you hunnigan.”

“i hope things are fine...”

“i hope so too…”

you clocked out of your job for the day and dialed chris. as your phone started ringing, you started to drown in your thoughts at what could have possibly happened to leon. what has he been doing these past 3 weeks? where was he staying? is he okay? is he badly injured? worry after worry started filling your head that you suddenly found yourself crying.

“hello? hello?” a voice suddenly spoke up from the phone. you didn’t realize that chris had already picked up the phone.

“[y/n]? are you there?”

you sniffle before responding and cleared your throat, “yes! i’m here um, have you heard from leon by any chance?”

you hear chris heavily sigh over the phone.

“is there something wrong chris? please tell me he’s okay…”

“hes… he’s fine, but he isn’t here with me now. i’ll bring him over there.”

“please do… thank you so much chris.”

“anytime [y/n].”chris dropped the call. “should i tell her…”

night time soon fell and you were outside the apartment building waiting for chris’s car to arrive. you were worried sick and checked your watch every 5 minutes feeling the most anxious you have ever been. there was a pit in your stomach and all you wanted to do was throw up due to the overwhelming thoughts. 12: 58, they’re here.

“chris! leon!” you call out for their names. chris got out of the car carrying a drunk leon to you.

“i’m sorry to bring him to you in this state…”

“it’s okay chris, thanks again.”

“again, anytime [y/n], be strong.”

“be strong?” you thought to yourself. what did chris mean? he passed over leon to you and he fell into your arms. chris drove off before tried talking to leon.

“leon, hey, are you okay?” you asked as you tried to brush off the hair off his face. it revealed a crying leon which surprised you.

“i… i’m so sorry [y/n]…”

“it’s okay baby you’re here now, safe and sound, that’s what matters..”

“no… no!" leon shouted as he pushed you away.

“leon what is wrong? please, tell me!” you begged.

“i saw ada again.”

you stood there, shell-shocked, dreading the following words that leon was gonna utter. you prayed to all the gods out there that it wasn’t what you thought it was.

“i… we… im sorry…” leon stumbled on his words.

“you what leon...?"

“i cheated on you…” he said as tears started to roll down his cheek.

“how could you…? after everything you’ve said? after everything we’ve been through? was it all a lie?” you walked up to him fighting back the tears.

“tell me leon! i deserve an explanation! you owe it to me! how could you do this to me?! was i not enough for you?! where did i go wrong? tell me!” you punched him in the chest and gripped it tightly.

“i love you leon… i thought you loved me too?”

“i do love yo-“

“you don’t! you wouldn’t-“ you feel a lump in your throat. “you wouldn’t have done that if you loved me…”

“it was a mistake [y/n], please i’m sorry…”

“leon… stop…”

“i’m sorry… please… forgive me.”

“you said you’d return to me…”

“i did… im here right now, aren’t i?”

“no. you returned to her.”

leon embraced you tightly, clinging onto you but you only stood there. its as if the world you have created for you and him had crashed down right before your eyes. everything you once knew, felt like a lie. all these months, you’ve been living a lie. but what could you have done? how could you, a woman who has been with him for less than a year, compete with the likes of her? the woman who’s saved her countless of times, the first woman he ever loved, the woman who he had waited for almost all his life. your relationship felt too good to be true. you knew, it was too good to be true, you were right, it was to good to be true. you felt like a fool for blindly believing leon’s words. bullshit. you were never his future, you were just a distraction, until she finally came back. the realization stung you and its poison was seeping into your veins destroying you inside out.

“leon, pack your stuff now.”

“don’t do this [y/n], please i’m begging you.”

“don’t make me say it twice, pack it now."

leon looked at you for one last time before letting you go in defeat, walking away from you and into the apartment building. you open your phone and dial chris once more to which he picked up immediately.

“chris, please come back, pick up leon."

“[y/n]- “ before he could even say anything else you dropped the call and the rain began to pour. your knees began to feel weak and you drop down on the cold pavement. your chest feels tighter and tighter, breathing becoming hard and heavy. you clutch tightly onto your chest as you choke back the tears. feeling exhausted and tired, you let it all out, screaming, wailing, and begging any higher force to take away the pain, but it looked like even the gods above couldn’t help you. you were helpless and alone once more. you bit your lip as hard as you can trying to contain yourself. so much so until it started to bleed. but you didn’t care. you didn’t care about anything at all at this point. a part of you wished you could turn back time to when you were happy but you questioned yourself wondering what could’ve been better. reliving all the moments together, even though you knew how it will all end, in pain and suffering, or just never accepting hunnigan’s favor, never making contact with him, never meeting him, never falling in love with him.

[alexias-left-foot]

Benção

Ive been writting this one for a while.

!Dont know if i will keep writting on this universe

Wrote this one while listening to a portuguese song, (dont ask please), link below

!Im not english, so im sorry for any spelling mistake!

«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»«»

You know, she is probably still mad at me- you said to Mapi and Ingrid while making your way to the dressing room- If i tell her she won't probably talk to me ever again.

Cmon she knows you y/n! She has to understand that there is something more important going on. You have to tell her or she is going to break up with you. You can't hide it anymore. You have been so stressed, she is going to notice even more- Ingrid answered you.

You “have a kid”. Not you, but your ex. Your ex was pregnant 1 YEAR AND A HALF AGO! Now you have a kid with 9 months . Before you both broke up, almost 2 years ago, you both were trying to have a baby but it never worked, at least you thought that. Turns out you were wrong! She was pregnant all this damn time, had a kid and didn't tell you anything till last night. 

Last week after your away easy win 6-0 against Valencia she, and your baby, were in the public. She asked you to talk with her, which was clearly strange. Then she told you that the kid that was sleeping like a little angel was yours. She also told you all of a story but you just did not pay any attention to her still in shock looking at the sleepy kid in the grey pram. She told you that didn't want the baby anymore and wanted to give the kid up for adoption and wanted to inform you about it. You were arguing with her and ended up saying that you would stay with the sleepy baby. She was a bit shocked but agreed and told you you have a couple of weeks till you have to go get the baby or the baby was going to be adopted. You just agreed and said that will keep in touch.

Ona saw you both talking and, of course didnt like it, mainly cause of the love story you and your ex had. She was really jealous and didnt talked to you until you were both at home. Where you both fought because  she was jealous of your ex. She clearly made some movies on her head but you didnt want to keep arguing with her, it was a long day and you were so tired, so you just slept on the couch so you could get your head cleared.

 Things got a bit better but you didn't tell her, not yet. Only Mapi and Ingrid know about it, they are your best friends and you needed to talk to someone so you talked to them. They were clearly in shock when you told them that but decided to help you. That's what they are trying to do now.

“Now let's go to practice so you can clear your mind a bit, vale”?- Mapi sayed while squeezing your cheek

Practice was fine but you weren't really present there, which made your teammates worried 

“You need to tell her” Mapi said in the locker room. Mapi was right. You needed to tell her.

After a ride home that looked like an eternity, you were both at home. 

You were both watching some trash tv when she breaked the weird silence.

“Hey, what's going on? You´ve been a bit strange since you talked with your ex” Ona said with a worried look. “I have something to tell you, bebé, I just don't know how to tell you” You said while the brunette looked with an even more worried look “I-I have a baby. I didn't knew it, my ex told me after the game against Valencia, that's what we were talking about. She wanted to give the baby up for adoption, but I just couldn't tell her to do it, when I looked at that little baby sleeping in such an innocent cute way. I didn't knew what to do or say to you, i'm so so sorry…” you gasped and took your eyes full of tears out of the  floor to look at Ona who looked at you in shocked “You have a-a Kid?” she repeated while you nodded “And the kid is going to live with us” you nodded again. A minute of silence was made by both of you. Both of your hearts pumping fast 

“I think I can handle that '' she smacked your arm, with a soft small smile on oour face, joking at you who were in  tears by now. 

She looked a bit unsure because of her smile being so small, but you just hugged her in a really sad but sweet hug. 

“ Hey, hey, stop crying, okay you whiny? I'm here, I'm gonna help you through this, okay mi amor?I love you!” She was still making fun of you but she was as scared as you. It was her way to defend herself, being sarcastic and funny but you loved it even if it makes never be sure if she is scared or not.

“I love you too Oni, thanks for being here…” You managed to say while tears were rolling down your face and starting to get Ona´s eyes.

[muffinpink02]

imagine alexia dating someone who’s very open about everything😭

“dude she wanted to put that thing up my butt! I said, ARE YOU CRAZY?! then ran away”

but then completely changes when dating alexia bc she knows her footballer wifey may be confident but she’s also a shy softie who likes personal things to stay between them yk?

but then the team get all up in her business 24/7 saying she never talks about her relationship with R minus surface level things so on a night out she tells R she can tell their friends anything + be very touchy and even alexia joins in😭

it gets to the point where the team are just traumatised and Alexia proved her point that they don’t need to know everything 😭

“She did this thing with her tongue-”

“Okay! Alexia, please stop!”

they don’t stop being touchy tho,

Lucy: “They’re practically dry humping each other on the dance floor!”

R: “Trust me my friend, it’s anything but dry rn😏

and the girls are just traumatised while R and Alexia don’t give af bc apparently this is what they wanted😭😭

I love this 😂 this could be a really cute and hot blurb/fic

And while alexia’s being all touchy in the club it gets too much for R and drags her to the toilets. Little do they know poor Ingrid is in the stall next to them and hears everything 😂

[pixeldistractions]

Jordan followed a delicious scent to find Maria working in the kitchen. Johanna burst into the room and into her mother’s arms. “Mommy! You’re my favorite. I don’t need to make any friends, you can be my best friend.”

“Oh, baby, you’re mine too. What happened?”

“Just a little play yard scuffle,” Jordan said. “She wanted to keep up with the big girls.”

“Oh no, she has such a temper sometimes, I don’t know what to do with her. She’s a wild animal, I need to get her a rabies shot.”

“She’s a firecracker,” Jordan agreed. 

“She doesn’t get it from me.”

Jordan nodded once, then Maria felt self-conscious that he agreed. So he didn’t think she was a firecracker? Noted. Maybe he liked firecrackers. Like Ingrid. 

“You never know, kids are random,” he said. “Our Felix is like a perfect blend of both of us, sporty like me, assertive like his mom, but Milo, he’s a total wild card.”

“Well, what if she does take after her dad, though? Even though she hardly knew him.” Maria wondered this out loud. She often wondered what impression Johanna might take from the father she barely met. She wondered, if she were lucky enough to find a stepfather for the girl someday, would Johanna fashion herself off of that man instead? Or would she grow up without a father’s influence at all, as she had for the first four years of her life? Maybe that was the problem. But Maria hadn’t meant for Jordan to dwell on this.  

“Did he have a temper?” 

“Joseph? Oh, well, no, not a temper, really. He wasn’t like that. He was never really mean. I think it was more like he was stern. Very serious.”

“Really? Serious? But you’re so funny. I can’t see you with someone serious.”

She swooned inside. “You think I’m funny?” 

“Well, yeah.” He smiled. “In a quiet sort of way. It’s a good thing.” 

A good thing, also noted. So maybe he liked funny women. Was Ingrid funny, too? Please, God, don’t let Ingrid be funny, too. 

And please, God, let me have this, Maria prayed sometimes. Granted, she was well aware that praying for a man was probably far beneath an almighty being’s concerns. But this, specifically, she needed this. What she felt for Jordan was special and gentle and pure, and she’d been alone now for years because no man she’d ever met could match what she felt for this one. 

“So, what did you like about him?” Jordan asked. 

“Oh, like about who?” Maria was still lost in delightful reverie. 

Jordan laughed. “Joseph. I mean, you married the guy, right? He must have been awesome. What was he like? I mean, what did you like about him?”

There was an intense curiosity on Jordan’s face, like somehow knowing about her dead husband could make or break his life. And why? She would have given anything to get inside his head right now, but he wanted inside hers, so she would oblige him. “Oh, he was okay. Well, he was an officer in the Air Force. He was only a few years older than me, but he always seemed so grown up. Like, he was probably even grown up as a little kid. He liked classical music and tennis and crossword puzzles. Um, he wasn’t super religious or anything, but he always went to church, like it was something he felt he need to do. He volunteered. And he was really good at saving money.”

Jordan nodded. “The kind of guy who has all his shit together.”

Maria shrugged. “I guess he did. He took care of everything. He didn’t need me for anything.”

“Don’t say that,” Jordan said. “People have all kinds of needs.”

“Okay, maybe he enjoyed hearing me play my violin.” 

“You never told me you play violin.”

“I guess because I don’t play much anymore. It was a long time ago. I’m out of practice now. I lost track of it when we got married, then I had Johanna, then the war and everything... and now here I’ve come to my final resting place.”

Jordan laughed. “Yikes.”

“Well, I’m a single mom, you know. Who wants all that baggage?”

He tilted his head. “She’s a kid, not a prison sentence.”

“Are we talking about the same kid? That kid over there with rabies?”

Johanna clicked away at the keyboard. On her game, a tiger roared.   

“Even that kid,” Jordan said. 

“Well, anyway, I don’t even remember how to date. It’s rough out there. Stephanie invited me to this wedding as a guest, plus one. I don’t even know who I’d ask. I don’t even know people, except my lesbian neighbors on one side, and the elderly couple on the other side. And the people here at work. Unless, maybe, you’re not doing anything tomorrow night...”

“I wish,” he said, smiling kindly. “But I’m on the roster as staff.”

I wish, he said. He wished? Was she reading too much into that? It made her heart race and her mind bend into twists trying to figure it out. “Well, damn, I guess you should have been nicer to Stephanie.”

“Yeah,” he said with a wistful sigh that seemed to be about so much more than not getting invited to a wedding.

“Well, sorry about the kids,” she said. “I bet you have a lot of work to finish.”

Not work to finish with Ingrid, she meant.

“It’s okay,” he said. “I need to find something for lunch anyway.” 

“I’ll make you some lunch. I was going to whip something up for Johanna anyway. It’s the least I can do. For looking out for my little feral animal. Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

He took a seat at the counter next to Johanna. She was playing a computer game about matching animals to their habitats. “Hey Jo Jo, what kind of animal are you?”

“I’m a wolverine, grrr!”

Jordan laughed. “I believe you.”

— "my sweetheart #3: feral" part 4 / 4

next -> // my sweetheart #3 start // index

And, now (!!!) "my sweetheart #3" is all fixed and linked up!

[copper-16]

You Can Do This

Mapi for the life of her, cannot find Bagheera. The cat is in a place where the Spaniard and Norwegian least expect her to be.

(a/n: this is a mix between fluff and just a little bit of angst that is easily soothed. This is kind of introducing a theme about Mapi's specific struggles with becoming a parent, that is a topic I want to talk about and explore more in future stories about these three. Also, wanted to write some Bagheera/Elena content for @acornsquish, ofc :)

Mapi really, really hated waking up her wife when she did not need to. 

Ingrid was notoriously grumpy in the mornings, especially before she had her coffee, so the thought of getting the Norwegian up and knowing that she would likely be annoyed with Mapi for the rest of the day was not an enticing thought for the brunette. 

But the Spaniard also didn’t know what to do, because for the life of her she cannot find Bagheera anywhere. 

Mapi prided herself on knowing the cat well. She had been here before Ingrid, before Elena, and she had been the Spaniard’s ever since she was just a tiny kitten. The defender loved the cat with her life, and she was sure that she knew her well enough to know all of her hiding spots. 

The nook behind their kitchen table, behind the big armchair in the living room, under the TV in their bedroom. 

So when Mapi got up this morning to take Bagheera to the vet and hadn’t been able to find her, she had checked all of those hiding spots first. She was sure that the cat was somewhere in one of those, simply hiding from the crying from Elena that would start up soon enough when she awoke. 

The poor cat tolerated the baby, but she wasn’t exactly a huge fan of her either. Mapi and Ingrid were careful to keep the two relatively separated, not wanting Elena to accidentally pull at Bagheera’s tail or something like that. 

And for the most part, the cat stayed away without having to be told. She wasn’t a huge baby person, evidently, and Mapi couldn’t really blame her. She hadn’t exactly been bringing a bunch of babies home in the past, to be fair. 

But Elena wasn’t leaving, and neither was Bagheera, so the two learned to coexist peacefully, away from one another. 

Bagheera wasn’t in her cat tower, or in the nook behind the kitchen table, or by the armchair, or their bedroom. In fact, Mapi couldn’t begin to find the cat in the whole damn apartment. 

As the time of the cat’s vet appointment drew nearer, Mapi finally broke down, deciding that she needed to wake Ingrid up to help her look. 

“Ingrid, Ingrid!” Mapi whispered harshly, slightly shaking the Norwegian’s leg from her spot at the foot of the bed. 

“Mmm, go back to sleep Maria,” Ingrid mumbled sleepily, turning back into her pillow. Mapi swallowed thickly, looking around as though the cat would suddenly appear, and then squeezing her wife’s leg harder when she didn’t. 

“Ingrid!” She tried again, and apparently her voice was panicked enough that she got the dark haired woman up, the Norwegian blinking several times before looking up at her wife, who appeared more than a little frazzled. 

“What? Is something wrong?” Ingrid was suddenly very awake, wondering if there was something amiss with the baby. The next words out of her wife’s mouth are not, however, what she expects, given how panicked the Spaniard is.  

“The cat is missing!” Mapi hissed, and the dark haired woman’s whole face scrunched in confusion. 

“The cat is what?” Ingrid repeats, her words slightly slow as she struggles to follow the brunettes train of thought. 

“The cat is missing!” Mapi echoes, looking around again. 

“Mapi, she’s a cat. She’s not missing, she’s somewhere in this apartment,” Ingrid reasoned with far too much sureness for someone who wasn’t abreast of the current situation. 

“No, I’m telling you! I’ve looked in all of her usual spots, and she’s not anywhere! You need to help me look, I have to take her to the vet,” Mapi insisted, not waiting for Ingrid’s answer before she walked out of their room, her steps hurried but quiet, well aware that their six month old baby was still very much asleep. 

Ingrid let out a heavy sigh before she slipped out of bed, running a comb through her hair and brushing her teeth before she joined her wife in her quest to find their cat. 

Together, the two Barcelona players scoured the living room and kitchen, trying to find the black cat. When they didn’t find her there, they moved into the dining room, and then their bedroom. It was Ingrid who finally decided that they would check the one place that they were sure Bagheera wouldn’t be in. 

Elena’s room. 

The baby was six months old, and entirely the light of their lives. 

Bagheera’s life? Not so much. 

But Ingrid drags her wife down the hallway, despite the Spaniard’s insistence that there is no way Bagheera would be caught dead in there. 

The Norwegian pays her no mind, pushing the door open and walking into the room. She looks around, at the changing table, the rocking chair they have in her room, in the closet. 

But it’s Mapi who finds the cat first, her jaw flopping open in shock. 

“Ingrid,” she whispers urgently, moving toward the crib. And sure enough, there was Elena sleeping peacefully, with Bagheera wrapped around her. The black cat looks completely content and happy, more than willing to just sleep with the baby. Elena’s little fist is resting on the cat’s belly, and her face is turned toward Bagheera, even in sleep. 

The entire cat’s body is curled around their baby, her body wrapped around the baby’s head, her head laid gently on the mattress. 

Even the cat’s tail is laid over the baby’s body, resting lightly against her little belly. It’s the cutest thing Mapi’s ever seen in her entire life, and she quickly takes her phone out to snap a picture as Ingrid joins her at the crib side. 

“Who knew,” Ingrid hums softly, her voice affectionate at the sight in front of her. The two appeared entirely enraptured with one another, and Mapi felt bad about disrupting their peace. 

“I should take Bagheera, her appointment is in a bit and I don’t want us to miss it,” Mapi said forlornly, but she reached down to grab the black cat regardless, knowing that they really did need to go to the appointment. 

Bagheera limply allowed herself to be lifted, her eyes opening as her owner lifted her from the crib she had been occupying. She allowed herself to be maneuvered with little fuss, but the disruption was less than ideal for Elena, apparently. 

The baby began to fuss almost immediately, missing the comforting presence of the cat that had come to be a common presence in her crib at night, unbeknownst to her mothers. The little baby reached out for the cat instantly, looking for fur and warmth. Mapi placed the cat on the ground before she returned to the baby, her face knitted in concern at the clear unhappiness on her daughter's face. 

The Spaniard looked over at her wife with big, worried eyes. She made no move to reach for Elena, despite the fact that she was now crying. 

“Ingrid,” she prompted, looking down at the baby with an expression akin to fear. The Norwegian softened, knowing why Mapi was so concerned. 

Ingrid had been the one to deliver her, and subsequently the one who stayed home with Elena the first few months of her life. Becoming a mother had been natural to Ingrid, and she was quite good at it. She knew how to soothe, and swaddle, she had since she was a young girl. The Norwegian had slipped into the role of mother seamlessly, unlike Mapi. 

The Spaniard had not grown up around babies at all, really. It wasn’t something she was accustomed to or used to, and Elena was practically the first baby she had ever handled, apart from the odd ten minutes when she had been passed a baby who belonged to a distant relative at a family reunion or wedding. 

Throughout Ingrid’s pregnancy, Mapi had spent more than her fair share of fretting about what her relationship with her daughter would look like. Would she be close to her, would she come to understand what her baby needed, would they bond. She wasn’t the one to carry her child, but that didn’t make her love Elena any less, right? It didn’t make her any less hers, did it? 

“You are her mother too, Mapi,” Ingrid reminded the center back, not because she was chastising her, but because sometimes those were the words the defender needed to hear. 

She was ashamed to admit it, but it had been six months and she still wasn’t sure that she felt connected with her baby. When Elena cried she didn’t know what to do like Ingrid did, she just panicked. The baby didn’t look like her, or feel like hers. She saw so much of Ingrid in her daughter, and she loved that very fact, but she also ached to feel close to her. It felt like she was playing pretend, like she was a fraud. 

But she wasn’t, and Ingrid was always there to remind her of that fact. 

“I am going to get changed and take Bagheera to the vet. Why don’t you spend some time with her this morning?” Ingrid suggested, noting the panic that immediately flashed across her wifes face. She placed a comforting hand on Mapi’s shoulder, her words sure as she spoke once again. 

“You can do this Mapi. She is a baby, not a nuclear bomb. Hold her, check her diaper, feed her and snuggle with her. I know you know how to do that, and you can do this. I believe in you,” Ingrid promised and it took her a moment but Mapi nodded eventually, her face still a little worried, but holding more confidence now after the pep talk from her wife. 

The center back went to get a bottle prepared while Ingrid changed, getting Bagheera into her carrier before she returned to the kitchen, back to her wife. 

“If anything goes really wrong, you can always call me,” the Norwegian soothed, kissing the Spaniard sweetly before she slipped out the door with their cat, leaving Mapi alone with their daughter. 

With renewed determination, the brunette went back into Elena’s room. She quickly changed the baby’s diaper before giving her a bottle. But even after that, and being burped, the little baby was still fussy. 

Mapi bounced her gently, unsure of what to do. The baby just wouldn’t settle, and she found herself beginning to panic, not knowing what the next step was in trying to calm her. 

“Okay, what would Ingrid do? What would your Mama do, mi sol?” Mapi asks the little baby, receiving nothing but a noise that was somewhere between a whimper and a cry. She holds Elena tightly to herself, feeling on the verge of tears, the overwhelming feeling in her gut being one of failure. 

This was her daughter, and she could not make her feel better? Could she not soothe her own child? 

She felt like a rotten parent. The brunette looks down at the little baby, at the tear tracks that run down her cheeks, at the wetness of her little eyes as she stares up at the defender. She feels a renewed sense of determination to make the baby feel better. It hurt her heart to see her upset, and she wouldn’t stop trying to make her happier until she had exhausted all of her options. 

“Come on,” Mapi decides, walking out of Elena’s room and back into her own, sitting down on the large bed. She carefully places Elena on her back on the bed, ignoring the shrill shriek that she receives in response, in favor of first stripping her own shirt, and then her daughter out of her little onesie. 

Mapi lays back against the bed, sitting up against the headboard. She settles Elena on her chest, and is genuinely shocked by the speed at which the little baby settles, melting into her mother as her cries subside almost instantly. The baby's body is warm against her own, and her little limbs relax until she is completely limp and cuddled against the Spaniard. 

The brunette brings her hand up to rub soothingly over the baby's back, and Elena lets out a relieved puff of air at the feeling. Mapi feels herself exhale a breath she hadn’t realized that she was holding as her daughter snuggled into her. 

Elena waves one of her arms, making a little grabby fist at Mapi’s other hand that was not currently on her back, and the Spaniard brings it up, allowing her daughter to grasp her pointer finger in her tiny fist, holding it tightly to her chubby body. 

“I’ve got you, mi sol,” Mapi promises, her voice thick as she drops her head to place a kiss to the crown of Elena’s head. As much as she is worried about bonding with her baby, she knows that there is no shortage of love that she feels for her daughter. 

She would happily go to the ends of the earth for her little girl, no matter what it took. She can’t imagine not loving Elena, not having her in her life. And it’s moments like these, with her daughter completely relaxed into her chest, completely content, that remind Mapi that she can do this. 

Progress is not linear, and neither is being a parent. At the end of the day she loves Elena, and she would do anything for her safety and happiness. 

And that is enough.

[june-rambles]

omg PLEASE elaborate on ocd emma bc like. you’re so right

HIII YESSS I WILL !! thank you for enabling my insanity several things, this might not just be ocd emma there is some highlight on just traumatized emma..

most of this stemmed from a fic i started where emma has a diary, and its very mental health focused. i might reference it a few times when its relevant.. also shameless promotion.. (one day i will finish it..)

and im looking at this through a lense of canon.. i have my own separate swanqueen + ocd emma thoughts but.. (also prepare for me inserting a lot of gifs by my favorite ouat gif makers 🙏🙏)

so with aspects of being the savior:

it begins with henry. i think of this quote,

shes not his mother. she can't be, she gave up that right when she gave him up. so she has to take on another role. she becomes his hero. she has to be someone he idolizes.

then august comes around and tells her shes the savior of the entire town. she didn't sign up for that, like she says. shes henry's savior. she's henry's hero. and now she has to be everyone's savior?

in that scene i kind of imagine her thinking, "why do i have to save everyone when no one was there to save me as a kid?"

with her taking on the role as the savior, she kind of starts to make it her whole identity. i dont think it was just a weird writing choice i think it does reflect a purposeful thing with her character. that she has an absence of identity. (because of growing up as a foster kid and all the times she's been abandoned in her life)

she really isn't given a choice with becoming the savior. once she breaks the curse, its pushed onto her, and she can't just leave henry so she kind of just has to deal with it. and then she slowly starts to accept it and internalize it.

because it becomes what every interaction is centered around. someone needs saved. she has to fight a villain. she needs to save someone. every interaction she has with anyone except henry is savior, savior, savior.

"IF I DON'T HELP PEOPLE, THEN WHO AM I?" and finally she has parents who are proud of her. which she has wanted her whole life,

to quote myself from another post of my emma ramblings,

because that IS all she wanted. all she wanted was her family and she had to put up with so much to have them. she overlooks all of her own trauma because in her mind its like, "Hey why am i complaining. i have a family". and NEVER speaks up for herself.

she can't really complain that her parents are putting her on this pedestal, because she has her parents now so she should just be grateful. (and to be fair she does get snappy with them at times but in my opinion shes eventually (like after season 2/3) starts repressing the years of anger at the people who "gave her up" unless shes really upset)

constantly, through out the entire show, her entire life is just savior, savior, savior, savior, savior-

its compulsive. do you get what i mean. its her routine and if she isn't the savior, she's the same person who gave up henry and ran away from everything. and she can't be that again. its so black and white to her. shes extreme with it.

she makes it her entire identity. i mean this goes on for 6 seasons.

and her fear of hurting people is another ocd trait, which is DEFINITELY SOMETHING HIGHLIGHTED IN THE SHOW:

the ingrid arc when shes convinced her powers are hurting people. so she runs into the woods and isolates herself. like she stays in that car for almost like a day i think? i could be remembering wrong. i know she atleast sleeps in there. she almost completely gets rid of her powers until at the last moment elsa talks her out of it.

she becomes the dark one (more on that further on) and, well, canon spells it out for me:

i think this is ALL SUMMED UP BY THE CONVERSATION HER AND INGRID HAVE

because ingrid wasn't just saying shit. this is emma's deepest worst fears. her truest thoughts.

oh and her relationships/friendships/partnerships reflect this too

magic has a price. i think she'd start believing that the price of being united with her family is being the savior. she stops questioning that putting her life on the line all the time is just what it takes for her to have a family.

i think she suffers a lot from not understand unconditional love. i think she'd imagine all these different expectations and condtions that people put on their love for her (like her parents). i dont include henry in that, i think thats the only person who she believes really loves her

excerpt from my fic, "This is the price of having a family. This is what I have to do to be enough."

and killian. oh, killian..

at first, its not love. but its something. and killain really likes her and maybe hes not so bad, so she gives him a chance and goes on a date with him.

the dark swan plot line happens and emma is now trying to balance her feelings for hook and being a mother and being a daughter and being a sister and being the savior and trying not to give into the darkness. but killian is there to support her if she lets her walls down, she can start to see a future with him. but then killian, the fucking idiot, gets himself fatally hurt. then he'll be gone. just like neal. and if she loses him, then its proof shes not supposed to be happy. if she loses him, then its her fault, she failed as the savior, and she can't lose her identity on top of losing him

it's horribly paradoxical in a way. she's the savior, so she has to save people. she has to save killian or she's failed being the savior, but to do so she has to give into the power. so she has to decide which is worse, losing him and losing her identity or risk losing her sanity and falling too deep into the darkness.

and so she does the very thing she swore not to do. the very thing everyone was afraid of happening. she fully gives into the power, into the darkness so she can save him. to save HIM.

to me its like, she promises to herself she'll make it up to them and she wont let them down after this. one last time. one last failure.

("How many times have you saved them? How often have you felt more like a savior than their daughter? And all it takes is one tiny mistake, one accident, and you and your powers go from being their salvation to their worst nightmare." - Ingrid)

and she takes everyones memories of everything that happened in camelot and she almost achieves it. but then hook gets his memories back and goes dark and curses her entire family. then everything she's been holding back for months kind of crumbles.

she resolutes it in her mind that theres only one solution; to sacrifice herself to stop killian and to save her family. shes the savior, after all, isn't that what shes supposed to do?

killian stops the curse by sacrificing himself. and then everyone else is grieving but moving on. but emma is stuck there. she can't move on because hook was supposed to be her future. he said it himself. and regina is with robin and her parents have her baby brother. everyone has purpose and she's just a failed, broken savior. shes just kind of stuck. so she thinks its hook. the answer has to be with hook. getting him back would fix everything.

excerpt from my fic, "My happy ending is gone and it seems like no one sees that. My happy ending was belonging. My happy ending was being loved. My happy ending was falling in love with someone who will love me back."

so she goes into the underworld. and i dont have anything really remarkable to say about underworld but heres these two things:

in the end, she gets killian back, but at what cost? robin died. she ruined regina's happy ending.

excerpt from my fic, "Everytime I choose myself, everytime I think it’s my turn for my happy ending, it’s at the sake of someone else's.

It’s either me or them. That’s the price I have to pay. That’s the price that magic demands."

season 6 doesn't really add anything specific that i haven't already put here. the only important thing is the therapy session between her and archie which i've mentioned already. if i have more thoughts i'll add to this later. but i am tired as hell so.. here. sorry if this is messy and entirely not cohesive.

sources for the transcript

(i say all of this with a person with highly suspected ocd but i had to cut off my old therapist before i could get the official diagnosis btw)

[featherquillpen]

My favorite Hubert support chains in Three Houses

My favorite Hubert supports and why I like them so much! Some possibly controversial opinions ahead! YOLO.

Hubert & Petra

I think the Hubert/Petra support chain is really underrated. There's a ton of Discourse about the Ingrid/Dedue support chain and racism and the overcoming thereof. But the Hubert and Petra support chain does a great job, I think, of showing someone working on their own racism. Hubert's behavior toward Petra in their C support is appalling, and I think Hubert's worst on-screen behavior. It's either the C support with Petra, or his threats toward her and Brigid on the Petra and Bernie paralogue in non-Crimson Flower routes.

The context is all-important. Petra is a political hostage. She was brought over to the Adrestian court at age 9. Hubert is an Adrestian noble. At the time of the C support pre-TS, Hubert is 20 and Petra is 15. The power dynamic between them is deeply skewed in Hubert's favor. He could do nearly anything to her short of kill her, and get away scot-free. It's pretty much Hubert's modus operandi to threaten people in C supports, because he's so paranoid about any potential enemy of Edelgard's. But to do so to someone who is already so utterly in his power, and Edelgard's, is just cruel.

The B support is still fairly bad. But in the A support, Hubert turns it around.

Hubert is now clear that he believes in the new accord between Brigid and the Empire. Indeed, it's obvious by implication, and more clearly spelled out in Hopes, that he was part of making that accord. And now he's stripped of his last excuse to keep judging Petra. I think one of the highest compliments Hubert can give is to say something like this:

Overall, I love this support as an example of a character working on their racist bullshit.

(I will briefly add that I adore their support chain in Three Hopes also. In that chain, it's Petra's turn to threaten Hubert, and he's SO INTO IT. Just like "Oh shit, a good threat. I respect that so much.")

Hubert & Dorothea

Talking of threatening people in C supports, you know who Hubert doesn't threaten in their C support? Dorothea.

Hubert just likes Dorothea right away. No threats. In fact he's quite open about his feelings about Edelgard right in the C support, and that's a very personal topic!

The whole support chain is about love. And it's even better because their ending together is platonic. And about being spies together, which is so sick. (As far as I can tell, and let the internet correct me if I'm wrong, Hubert is the male ("male") character with the most platonic endings with women, after Alois, who is already married.) I really love it because Hubert opens up very deeply to Dorothea about his feelings for Edelgard. As an aro-spec person, I really relate to the way Hubert and Dorothea talk about Hubert's feelings for Edelgard.

it's very lovely character growth for Dorothea because she sees how profound and transformative non-romantic love can be. That she doesn't need to have romantic love in her life to be happy, whatever society has told her about the necessity of marriage for women to be happy. And that's reflected in the fact that she has a platonic ending with Hubert.

I just can't find their A support anything but hilarious in the best way. They're talking about love, and superficially it's about them getting married, but they don't get married in their ending or have any romantic relationship, and the subtext is screaming that the A support is completely about both their feelings for Edelgard.

I'll take "very normal things to say when you're proposing to someone" for 500, Alex.

Hubert & Bernadetta

I have said it before and I will say it again: you can easily read a metaphor into this support about Bernie giving Hubert space to be gender non conforming or trans femme.

Bernie is way more scared of men than women, and behaves accordingly in their C support, but Hubert then expresses great gentleness toward Bernie and also a deep discomfort with this "scary vampire man" persona, which is sometimes useful but more often painful and heartbreaking. Bernie is really sweet and understanding about this, and even makes that flower in the A support, which you can interpret as Bernie saying "I see this side of you that doesn't fit into masculinity and I want to help you express it." After all, as Hubert says, it's a gift you'd give a female friend, or someone you have romantic feelings for.

What I really like about the moment where Bernie gives Hubert the flower is that it's a moment of Hubert being the one who needs support, through this feeling of pain and uncertainty about this frightening ghoul persona, and Bernie doing the caring. A lot of Bernie's supports are about people trying to help and support Bernie. And that's great! But I love that in this support chain, Bernie also gets to do the supporting.

That dynamic continues in their amazing paired ending, where Bernie goes on great adventures and Hubert stays at home and keeps house. Incredible. Iconic. Let Hubert be GNC. Let Hubert be a housewife.

Hubert & Ferdinand

Much has been said about this support, but I think I have a new take that I haven't seen before. Something that Hubert says to Ferdinand in Hopes helped me really unlock something important about their support chain in Houses.

In Hopes, Hubert and Ferdie are talking about Ludwig, and while Ferdie expresses hope that maybe his father can change, Hubert says something like, "Once someone strays from the path, they can never return." This reflects a broader aspect of Hubert's character, which is that he doesn't seem to believe in redemption. Not for nobles. Not for anyone who's done wrong. Especially not for himself.

Ferdinand does believe in redemption. Not only believes in it, but embodies it. Ferdinand has a remarkable redemption arc. Hubert in the C support with Ferdinand in Houses clearly believes that because of Ferdinand's really fucked up beliefs about nobility and about the power he deserves, Ferdie has strayed from the path and can never return. He's a lost cause. But then Ferdinand proves him wrong.

I think what a lot of fandom gets wrong about this relationship is that they think that Ferdie proved Hubert wrong because he was actually a good guy all along. That's not true. Ferdie pre-timeskip is in many ways genuinely toxic. He secretly believes that he should be Emperor. He bangs on about being the only legitimate heir of House Aegir, and his Aegir bloodline, all of this noble bloodline eugenics stuff that is ruining his classmates' lives. And in three out of four routes, he fights against Edelgard to preserve his noble power and prevent her taking it away from him, upholding this entire rotten system. But in Crimson Flower, he proves Hubert wrong, because he proves that people who stray from the path can return. That phrasing in Hopes about returning to the path gives me some feels, because in Judaism, the word for redemption, teshuvah, basically means "return." It's a belief in the goodness of people. You were on the path to start with. You left it, but you're returning. You're going back to your own fundamental goodness and ability to follow the path.

I think a big reason why Hubert is so impressed with Ferdie by the end of their support chain, and why he comes to love him, is because he proved to Hubert that people can change and can be redeemed. And if that's true of Ferdie…. then maybe that can also be true for Hubert. Ferdinand represents hope. Not just hope for a future after the war, with his visions of education for the masses, but hope that anyone, even the most spoiled noble, even a soul blackened by murder and moral compromise, can work toward redemption. I think it's really beautiful.

And then we get the A+ support which is just pure gay disaster tire fire. Absolute nightmares, both of them.

I find the Ferdibert paired ending deeply funny. Hubert thought he'd die in a ditch and be remembered as the Butcher of Fodlan or something, and now he's a Twin Jewel who everyone thinks is based. I'm also amused by the detail in the JP version of their ending where Edelgard is jealous of their romance. Poor Edie going "where's MY gay enemies to lovers slow burn, HUH?"

Hubert & Edelgard

Agggghhhhhkkkggghhkkkk so. Um. Finally. Last but not least. The Hubert and Edelgard support chain. This is my Hubert stan account origin story. This relationship is what made me go "I need to understand every last thing about Hubert von Vestra." Because here we have Hubert, who is leaving chloroform-soaked rags lying around, looming like a vampyr, cackling unhingedly in crit lines, and threatening people left and right in C supports, and then you see Hubert and Edelgard's C. And that's when you first get to see the real Hubert. That bright heart.

The direct JP-EN translation of this is "I shall make a show of spilling blood to paint the scarlet path1 you tread," where 'scarlet path' is a reference to the walkway in a theater, which is so sexy of Hubert to say.

I also love the C support because she's opening the door wide open for Hubert to leave. It shows the importance of consent and freedom in their relationship. All the people who talk about Hubert being "brainwashed" or "manipulated" into his role clearly left their brains at the door during this support.

I don't even know what to say about the B support, it's just the best. It's perfect. My heart is filled with rainbows. Nobody does it like them. Though I do love that at the end of the B support Edelgard's like "tell me ur secrets Hubert!!!" and he's like "OH LOOK AT THE TIME I GOTTA GO" and flees.

I can't talk about the A support without referring to the Teaspoon Translation because the EN is so badly botched. When I first saw their A support, I was disappointed. And then I discovered it was Treehouse at it again.

JP Edelgard would never dare assume that Hubert is heterosexual.

I also adore the JP version of their paired ending, from Teaspoon:

In their later years, after accomplishing what they set out to do, they found a talented successor and disappeared. Even in their retirement, spent just by themselves, there were likely no romantic exchanges even to the end.

Queerplatonic partner icons. Shipping is nice and all, but no romantic relationship between characters in this game will ever appeal to me more than what Hubert and Edelgard have going on.

[faerghusfucker]

Drabble idea: Dimitri and Raphael talking about grief?

i actually had loads of fun with this one!!! this was such a wonderful prompt i love these two together. their support chain should’ve been more like this i feel like, especially since their backstories have a LOT in common.

Small Talk

cw: parental death, grief

"Hey Dimitri! Wanna get something to eat? I'm staaaarving!" The familiar sound of Raphael's voice boomed from behind, just as Dimitri was headed to the front of the cathedral. Choir practice had always been difficult for the crown prince, but it was especially hard when the Professor had him do it with Raphael. He didn't mind Raphael as a training partner, but he had a tendency to be a bit much as an… anything else partner. Still, he gave him a practiced, princely smile.

"You can go on without me, Raphael. I was planning on praying while I'm here." He said politely.

Raphael nodded, as if remembering something. "Right, I forgot how you noble types like to pray. I'll meet you at the dining hall, yeah?"

"Yes, I will catch up with you there. I wouldn't want to keep you waiting."

Raphael took that as his cue to leave, waving at Dimitri as he exited the cathedral and made his way to the dining hall. Meanwhile, Dimitri found himself a spot near the front of the cathedral and started his prayer, as was routine for him on his free days.

Merciful Seiros, please ensure that the souls of my father, my mother, my stepmother, Glenn Govan Fraldarius, and all who were lost in Duscur find peace in the heavens, and give me the strength to avenge their souls by any means necessary. Also… please give me the patience to study for my next certification exam.

When Dimitri arrived at the dining hall and took his seat, he found that Raphael was already halfway through his meal. He didn't mind though, especially since he knew that Ingrid had given Raphael more than a few lectures on his manners. He wasn't one to be a stickler for those types of things anyway, since he often needed to remind himself of them.

Raphael greeted him with a warm smile, as always. "Heya Dimitri, how was praying?"

"How… was it? It was fine, I suppose. I tend to pray for many of the same things every time, so there is not much variation." He chuckled at his attempt at humor, which didn't seem to land judging by Raphael's expression, which was more confused than anything else.

"Huh… y'know, I've never really prayed before. My folks were never devout like that. Whaddaya usually pray for?"

Dimitri wasn't used to that question; maybe asking such things was normal in Leicester? "Oh, I tend to pray for my family. It, ah… it brings me some comfort. I'd feel terrible praying for anything else."

"Riiiight, I forgot you lost your folks too!" Raphael spoke in a tone entirely too eager for what he'd just said, and Dimitri couldn't help a chuckle despite how grim it was.

"Yes, my, um, folks did pass away. You and I are alike in that way, it would seem." He thought out loud.

"Sure are! But, wait, you said you'd feel terrible if you didn't pray for them. Why's that?"

"Well, in Faerghus, they say that the dead cling to the living the more they were loved. And… the people I've lost were loved dearly. I would never forgive myself if they were to be forgotten."

"Really? I've never thought of it like that," Raphael took another bite of food. "The way I see it, my parents would've just wanted my sis and I to be as happy as we could! Doesn't do anyone any good to live in feelings like that."

Dimitri opened and closed his mouth, trying to figure out how to articulate his bafflement at this mindset. "I have found that to be easier said than done. Especially considering what happened." His voice dropped to a mumble in the last sentence.

Raphael hummed quietly. "Yeah, that makes sense. It's real hard to bounce back from stuff like that. Maya and my Grandpa keep me going most of the time. You've probably got someone like that, though."

Did he? Dimitri wasn't sure. Technically, he still had friends, but it had been so long since they'd treated each other companionably that it almost felt wrong to refer to them as such. Felix had no desire to look him in the eye, Ingrid was mad at him for discouraging her devotion to chivalry, and Sylvain was so keen to continue his skirt-chasing ways that he'd taken to avoiding him whenever possible. He wanted to call Dedue his friend more than anything, but the man was so keen on reducing himself to a retainer that it felt impossible to do so in earnest.

"That is… rather remarkable, Raphael. I'd never considered that moving on could be anything other than a solitary battle."

Raphael beamed, a smile Dimitri only wished he was capable of after everything. "Nah, it's no big deal. We've all gotta work together to keep each other afloat, yeah? Even you."

That managed to coax a smile from him. "Yes, I suppose even me."

[komouri-official]

Ulysses' FTEs omg guys

spoilers for Ulysses free time events lol

this guy might be my favorite fangan character? And that's REALLY saying something

ANYWAY

The cuteness aggression I got from his FTEs is actually crazy (no screenshots because YouTube is being dumb ughhh)

how can this guy be so tired but talk SO MUCH

im here for it

those STUPID SPRITES. (the ones where he's covering his face with his notebook)

Those sprites are gonna be the death of me i swear it's so cutie

I love how random it was lol like video games make Ulysses motion sick? Hell yeah bro

but

WHAT did he want to tell Damon???

Literally what could it POSSIBLY be 😭

I genuinely have no clue,, like there's know way he knows someone is gonna kill or smt right? But then you'd think he'd wanna tell you ASAP

Speaking of Damon

Why were his thoughts absolutely FLAMING Uly after every event 😭

"he doesn't have enough courtesy to give me a straight answer" he's obviously just not ready to tell you hello

Guys Damon is chill n all but like his deal with Uly is something I do not understand and hold against him

I need Uly to survive chapter two

at LEAST chapter two.

While he is chapter 2 coded he's also chapter 3 coded imo

Yk what,,I think it's gonna be Ingrid

Idk why she's also chapter two for me

But JUST NOT ULYSSES PLEASE

Yeah daily Ulysses rant over