#amillionthoughts

[mad-n3ss]

A little poem I wrote after a rough night <3

A million thoughts race through my mind tonight

A million different unique categories for each and every one of them

Sitting here

Music whispering softly through my headphones

Paired with a light shade of a soothing purple to calm my racing thoughts

A hub and mix perfection, anxiety, hyperawareness, school, sleep, gymnastics, her

All of them hitting certain spots in my mind

Soft spots that still need repairing,

Probably won’t sleep all that well tonight

Considering the caffeine I just consumed to soother my shaking hands

As I stretch out my legs

I prepare for a long night of self distraction

From the pressures and many daunting aspects of my fucked up life

Except for one

One very special fragment just for me

Her. 

Every Breath she takes in my mind 

Is comparable to perfection

She is the sun that creeps out of the corner of my 2nd grade painting

Oh how I hate to disappoint her

How much I despise that I care very deeply for her opinions and thoughts

No one has mattered to me quite in the way she has

The vulnerability she coaxes out of me is baffling

And how she manages to put up with me?

I shall never know the full truth to this quaint query

3/12/21

A date I will treasure forever 

A date I will never forget paired with a person I will never forget

Where my mind goes to on a stormy night

Who I think of when I am in desperate need of a savior

She is what gets me though nights where

A million thoughts perpetuate my mind.

I don’t expect anyone to see this just wanted to share :)

[the-pix-of-july]

It’s always like this when there’s #amillionthoughts on the mind. #onepicstory #illustration #style #art #thoughts #pic #миллионмыслей #мысли #иллюстрация #арт https://www.instagram.com/p/BwHP_3yhKhV/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=qggcsbuvim0i

[deraywrites]

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A post shared by Shawn DeRay (@shawn_deray)

Who's up rn that should be sleeping? Lol The quarantine has really thrown off my sleep schedule and I gotta adjust to being on an early bird schedule as I'm going back to work (on a limited basis) in a few days. I started staying up late and sleeping during the morning to avoid eating out of boredom, eating junk food, etc because the more you're awake and stuck in the house, the temptation to lose yourself on food increases. But that's not the main reason I returned to my nightowl roots, I really love this time of day, when the whole world is quiet and dark. There's a calm, peacefulness about it. It really gets me inspired and I feel more in tune with the Universe late at night. Now if you'll excuse me. I better get some rest. Good night. #Insomniac #Nightowls #Melatonin #CBDoil #AMillionThoughts #Quarantine #Lockdown #ShelterInPlace #COVID19Survivor #ICantSleep (at Plainfield, New Jersey) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_epeBoH-9P/?igshid=1a38wpmoizact

[eddyfun-blog]

Didn't See That Coming...

Because the last time we spoke, we said a whole five words to each other. Nothing of substance, just words. Because the last time I even thought about you, it was too late. I keep rewinding those days over and over again. Maybe I could have done something differently. But you were too young, and I was young. We didn't know what we were doing. All I know, is that I should have tried harder. And for that reason, I am who I am today. It's so difficult for me to let someone go so easily and I can't stand that about myself. My affection is mistaken for something far worse and it drives people away. I can't help but feel I'm just going to lose them like I lost you. I'm not blaming you, but I wish you were here. I wish I could hear your voice. I'm suffering from the thought that I will never feel the way I did before. The same pattern continues every time. All I can think of, is you. I subconsciously compare everyone to you and I don't even realize it until moments like tonight. Where I lay there in silence and ask myself, "What did I do wrong?" 

I didn't think I'd ever see the day where I'd have to say good-bye to someone who was once so dear to me. It's still unbelievable to me to this day. I find myself always wanting to write whenever I think of you. That's all I ever did when I was with you. It was you and me, and the pen between my fingers. Life was so simple. What was complicated and stressful at 15 doesn't amount to what I am going through now. I miss you so much. I'll never understand why you're the first and last one on my mind.