#and I’m still learning about Robbie

[tilliwriteapine]

Because I’m still enjoying 2017 CR w/ VM and watching a oneshot in 2025 (because I know *nothing* about BH) - I see that everyone has aged gracefully and gorgeously.

Liam - on the other hand - hasn’t fucking aged.

He has the Paul Rudd gene, obviously 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[vanilleandclove]

white mustang; jack abbot x f!trauma surgeon!reader

you take comfort in knowing your boyfriend knows how to de-escalate even the most traumatic and stressful situations with ease. stilettos and the emergency department during a mass casualty event are a complete no-go.

warnings: filthy smut, collins and robby truther, this covers the events of pitfest, bleeding ankles, throwing up, mentions of std screenings, mentions of intent to conceive, the flu, non-conventional domesticity, age gap: reader is 30-33, jack is 47-49. word count: 3.5k notes: wrote this and an email consecutively, may do another part.

prev - next

“You know what I’m craving?” Jack exhaled, setting his go-bag in the backseat, leaving you to hum in response as he got into the driver's seat. 

“That steak from my cousin's wedding and champagne” he answered, pushing the button to start the engine, looking behind him as he pulled out.

“You know what I’m thinking?” you posed, preparing to be crude towards him. 

“What? Shower when we get home, sleep ‘til 2, wake up, hot sex, then actually put the dinner reservations to good use and then end the day with bloated sex?” and it was as if he read your mind, looking at you in the passenger’s seat. 

“Hell no to the bloated sex, remember last year after going on a double date with Dana, we almost puked on each other” you laughed, truth be told you were the one about to vomit and needed a cold compress for several hours that night. 

“Not as bad as when Langdon food poisoned us”. 

Your whole body shivered at that memory, suppressed in the darkest part of your mind. You and Jack were new to dating each other, barely approaching two years, still learning each other. 

“Do you have a condom?” Heather pinched your thigh from under the picnic table. 

It was Frank’s baby shower in the spring, his fiancée wanted the whole department to come. Frank decided to grill as his gorgeous fiancée baked the finest pastry goods you ever tasted- amazing tiramisu. 

“Seriously? Now?” you quirked a brow, not knowing Robby had the drive nor stamina. For Heather’s sake you snuck a hand on Jack’s thigh, giving two squeezes for him to turn to you. “Captain horny would like to know if you have a condom on you hon”. 

Jack scoffed, reaching into his back pocket to reveal the golden wrapper of a Magnum thin pre-lubricated condom. You were half stunned that Jack one, had a condom on him at all times, two, didn’t even question the favor. Though he eyed Robby with a ‘fucking freak’ look, he knew damn well they were two of the same.

You handed the condom to Heather only for her to give you the same look Jack just gave Robby, “Hey don’t judge, closest to skin to skin, you won’t regret it” you joked only to earn another pinch on your bare thigh. 

Jack heard the snide comment and rested his own hand on your thigh. The same hand that the middle and ring finger were torturing you all night last night. 

It was obscene. On one hand there’s Heather and Robby eye fucking, the other is you and Jack telepathically fucking and conspiring on an excuse to go back to his place. 

But then Frank served you, and with the hamburgers that were delicious and savory, a new chapter in your relationship bloomed.

The ‘food poisoning and vomiting on your boyfriend’ chapter. 

Jack had stopped at a gas station after the baby shower, that is when hell began to rise. 

“Jesus it feels like a fucking demon” you groaned, immediately taking off your wedges and unclipping your bra, “If this is remotely what pregnancy feels like, don’t you even dare”. 

Jack snickered as he pumped the gas, looking over at you through the window as a sheen coated your skin. He was surprised, he ate the same things you did but nothing was happening to him. 

After the gas station he chose to stop by a pharmacy, the cool breeze of Pittsburgh helped soothe the growing rumble and pain in your stomach. About two miles away from his house, you were about to tell him to drop you off at your apartment, fearing the worst is yet to come. 

“Baby pull over” you groaned, feeling the bile rise and your throat instinctively gagging. 

“Shit” he muttered under his breath just to step on the gas and skid through the row of houses that were his neighbors. Parking in his driveway shitty, he immediately sprung to action to get you from puking in the truck he just got cleaned two days ago. 

Luckily you made it out of the truck, only to puke on his driveway, completely messing up the loafers he decided to wear. 

You cried, worried this was the epic turn off that broke relationships up. Jack stood there shocked for a split second before bursting out in laughter, his then quiet neighborhood was interrupted. 

“What?” your voice mumbled and slightly pouted.

“If you’re puking, I can’t imagine what’s going on with Robby and Collins” he spoke up beneath his laughs, “C’mon pretty lady, let’s get you all cleaned up” he still chuckled, shaking his head from the comically unfortunate chain of events.

The next day during day shift you never once saw Heather that squeamish in regards to vomit.

“Almost killed me, I can’t believe you still wanted to be together after that”. 

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen” he shrugged, “Plus you stuck by me when I had that fucking flu two years ago”.

“Ah, the flu from outer space”.

It was the middle of June that Jack had got the flu from his brother’s kids, they were snotty iPad kids with zero control of where their sneezes protruded from. Therefore when he watched them for a week away from home and you, the first facetime was a stark difference.

“Jesus christ those kids sucked the life out of you babe” you said, laying down in your shared bed with your phone angled just perfectly to see your cleavage. 

A week without sex with Jack is like a year in the sex-time continuum. You said it once while drunk now Jack never lets you live it down. 

“You can tell?” his voice was congested, he had a light cough, “This would be the perfect time for that nurse role play thing you’ve been begging about”.

“Is your mind all just about sex?”.

“Honey, your areola is peaking out and saying hi”. 

By the time he came home, you were greeted with an even more sunken eye and congested nose with glassy eyes. Never in your entire time of hookups and dating did you see Jack have a fever until then.

“Babe just let me take you” you pleaded, Jack’s fever was reaching the 102 mark, within the hour it kept rising. 

“Fuck no, Walsh and Shen would not live this down ever” his voice was nasally and a cough erupted from him, “Just hand me the NyQuil please baby”.

“We’re out, finished the bottle this morning” you told him. 

He sighed and after a moment of silence, “Kiss me?” he proposed. You were touch starved from him, you gladly gave it minus the repercussions but that only meant he’d have to be in your position in a few days.

With your hand ghosting each side of his throat as you kissed him, that’s when you felt it. Swollen lymph nodes. 

“Babe” you said with his lips against yours, “It’s strep”.

“What?” he pulled away, his hair disheveled and grey, curls loose. 

“Your lymph nodes are swollen” you told him, pressing on his throat lightly, “I’m taking you I don’t care”.

One trip to the emergency room, a prescription of amoxicillin, and slow sex on his living room couch, Jack was up and running by the turn of the week. 

“Oh my god, remember when Robby and Collins were getting checked at the same time?” you gasped as you recalled that same year, it both posed offense to them and showed their connected trait as a health nut. 

“I just need you to screen me please?” Heather told you over the phone, it was 3 am and your and Jack’s first day off in the weekend you took off for your anniversary.  

You looked to the side of you where Jack kept a secure arm on your waist, “Honey can this wait till tomorrow morning- at a reasonable time?”. Only for the other side of the bed on the nightstand, Jack’s phone blared, startling both of you. Jack grunted and muttered several curses half-asleep.

“Yeah. Is 10 am good?” she asked only to receive a groan in response, “12?” to which she got a hum, “Okay, go back to bed”. 

You turned to your side to be met with a disgruntled Jack on the phone.

“You can’t do it yourself?” he groaned, “Also shouldn’t you be more transparent with the women you have sex with? Okay fine, date”.

You could only imagine it was Robby on the other line or one of his brothers. Too tired to care, you curled into him as he rested his body against the headboard. Falling asleep from the sound of his breathing.

The next morning you came in for Heather in your regular clothes, Donnie was worried something happened to you, Jack had come in at 6:30 to help Robby. Neither of them had anything but it did lead to an interesting talk at dinner with both of them.

“Thank you for the food Y/n” Robby spoke with his mouth full of chicken caprese.

You nodded, glancing at Jack who has his hand on the small of your back. That wasn’t until your phone rang from the hospital for a craniotomy since the attending neurosurgeon was away on vacation and their fellow is nowhere to be found. You sighed in disbelief, mouthing a “Sorry” to Jack who followed you.

“Just take the truck” Jack told you, getting your scrubs as you undressed yourself, “I’ll be fine, they shouldn’t be too much to manage”.

At Jack’s behest, once he sighed he heard the sounds of both Robby and Heather arguing. “Yeah maybe you should just drop me off” you responded. Jack agreed, deciding to work in the emergency room while you were occupied with the craniotomy. Jack contested it was an insane way to spend your anniversary weekend, you thought it was perfect.

The next day, Robby came over for beers, you went on a brunch date with Heather. Both explained to each other that they decided to call it off. That night you and Jack both knew it wasn’t permanent. 

“You think they’re going to try again?” you asked as Jack pulled into the breakfast spot you both went to after a long shift.

“It would make for interesting dates again, love Dana and her husband but they’re…” he trailed on as he parked, “I’ll go in, the usual?”.

“Yeah, thank you baby” you nodded.

You got home at 7:38, deciding showering together was the wisest option, Jack was in bed by 8, you decided to blow dry your hair and by 8:40, you were in bed too. You both stuck true to your plan, woke up at 2 pm, called ahead to this fancy restaurant in downtown, now it was time for steamy hot sex. 

“Fuck” you moaned out, rolling your hips with your clit grazing the skin of Jack’s pelvis. Jack gripped onto your tits, letting you lead this time. “Can I?” you mutter insinuating if you can bounce, Jack nodded, moving his hand to rest on your clit, leading your breath to shudder. 

Jack was always vocal during sex, whispering sweet nothings in your ears as he held your hair, his breath hitched when you rode him. The times you’d let him take you from behind, he’d pull your hair to press your back against his chest, the sweat of both of you intermingling. Sex was never boring, never repetitive, even after 6 years. 

You felt your head lull back as you went up and down, on the third bounce, Jack thrusted up, leading you to squeal. Your right hand caught onto Jack’s neck, gripping onto the curls in the back, while your left hand met his at your clit. “Good girl” he grunted, feeling your back move away from the sheer velocity of pleasure, he took his free hand to hold you together. 

Your moans bounced off the walls of your shared bedroom, engulfing your lips in a kiss. It was as if he inhaled your moans, smirking against your lips as you tightened around him.

“You gonna cum?” Jack teased, slowing his pace. He knew your body, knew the pulse of your pussy signaled the near of an orgasm. “Wanna try?”.

Your mind was muddled and occupied with pleasure, “What?”.

“Wanna start trying?” He looked at you deeply. His eyes said everything he was either too embarrassed to say or didn’t know how to pose the question. 

“Are you sure?” you whimpered, still focusing on making yourself and him cum, “This isn’t about earlier is it?”.

“You’re the one who said I’d be one hell of a dilf”. 

“And 65 at graduation daddy” you smiled, kissing him once more, “Yeah, let’s start”. 

Getting ready with Jack was always a game of tug of war. Put the man in a suit with his cologne that smells like santal, with his grey curls, wrinkles and eye bags; he was a walking wet dream. 

“We’re going to be late hon” Jack said as he looked at his watch, “Dinner reservations are at 6”, it took 30 minutes to get there and it was already 5:20, Jack loved being punctual, courtesy of the years of service. 

“Eh fuck it, I could always cook steaks for us” you shrugged evening out the small creases on Jack’s suit, “You’re quite the stud you know that?”. 

“Just get in the truck” he chuckled, smacking your ass as he walked to the front door for the security system and you headed towards the garage with his keys.

The garage was dark, laundry machines next to the door, TV and lounge chairs for playoff season when it was too cold, his truck and stationary workout machines that collected dust, the dart board that led to way too many play darts in Robby’s and Frank’s neck.

You flipped the switch for the garage door to open, only to hear Jack’s alert voice.

“We have to get to the hospital” he breathed out as he ran over to you, go-bag slung on his shoulder. You panicked inside thinking something happened to him, “There’s an active shooter Pitfest, all of ‘em going to the Pitt”.

Your phone buzzed within a minute with texts from Dana and Yolanda, “Okay” you nodded, not caring for the stilettos you had on or the dress, you immediately dialed Walsh, “Imma need you to bring extra sneakers for me please Em- and scrubs”. She didn’t care for the reason she just agreed, you sighed, “You ready for this?”.

“Nothing I haven’t seen,” Jack replied, pulling out of the driveway, “Can you call Shen and Ellis?”.

You’ve never seen Jack drive so fast, he grabbed his backup scrubs from his trunk in the parking lot, you waited for Walsh. “Hey wait cowboy” you said before Jack walked off, giving him a kiss when he turned to you, “I’ll bring down your extra 11s” he nodded, “I love you”.

“I love you” he responded, walking off as Walsh pulled in.

You walked towards her car, seeing both John and Parker pull up having to park in the upper floors. Your heels were killing you as you weren’t accustomed to them in longer hours. “Do I even want to know?” Walsh snickered, “I couldn’t get extra sneakers hon, I’m sorry” she told you, “You or me in charge for surgery”.

“Jack’s ER chief, I’ll be in the OR most of the time probably” you responded, grabbing the scrubs she took out from her backseat, putting them over your dress. “They’re clearing all 25 as we speak”.

Both you and Emery ran into the emergency room, walking in on Jack and Robby’s briefing. Your heels clicked on the floor, leading to questionable looks from the medical students and the new intern. 

“Y/n is our attending trauma surgeon, if you cannot find Jack or I, go to her. If a patient is surgical and misplaced, find her immediately” Robby added, he eyed your heels and moved back towards you, “You okay like that?” he whispered, only gaining a nod from you.

Walking off to the behavioral health rooms to arrange all the supplies, “Just take my shoes” Jack spoke up behind you.

You shook your head, “It’s okay, if anything I’ll go barefoot in the OR” you responded, “Plus works out the calves”.

“Y/n, three GSWs waiting in OR 6, Walsh and Garcia are heading up there” Dana said next to the door, “We need you down here after”.

You ran off, seeing the triaged patients begin to be rolled in. The next 50 minutes were filled with the sight of crimson and smell of copper, sending the surgeries to Walsh and your fellows, signing off on the approval. Going back down to see even more chaos.

“Anyone else O-Neg?” Dana yelled out. Jack told you about the blood bag protocol, when you need to ration blood or there’s none of it, unscreened blood donations were medically necessary. 

“Hand me a kit, I’ll work while drawing” you told Dana as she reached in the back of her scrubs for a blood bag and needle for drawing. It wasn’t your idea first as Jack was donating while working with Samira. You couldn’t deny it was sexy and admirable.

You worked on three different unconscious patients, most of the same with compromised airways, blunt trauma to the head, and hemorrhages. It took a near 10 minutes to move away to a mother and daughter, the mother was unconscious but stable, the daughter was near-lucid with a laceration to her head,

The watch on your wrist read 7:50 pm as blood stained it. Cleaning the daughter’s wound before she started to convulse, Robby to your side as you both began to intubate and page surgery. “Shit” you groaned, feeling your knees begin to shake lightly, looking down to see your ankles begin to bleed.

Robby looked up at you, “Y/n there’s unscreened blood, you could-”.

“Be at risk, I know, we have more things to worry about” you responded, scurrying off to the next trauma room with Samira and Jack, Jack closing off Walsh from intervening, “What’s going on?”.

“Pull the pigtail Doctor Mohan” Jack told Samira.

“Your boy toy could’ve killed someone who is supposed to go to general” Emery replied.

“Nice work Doctor Mohan” you spoke up, sucking in a breath from the pain, “Em make sure he’s next for general surgery, Doctor Abbot and Mohan just saved your ass from those asshole tenured attendings in general” you told her, winking at Samira.

You limped off out of the trauma room just as Jack caught your arm, “Go sit down, you’re bleeding, it’s dying down”.

“I’m fine-”.

“There is blood filling your heel, unscreened blood all over the place-”.

“Jack, I’m fine” you grunted, your eyebrows furrowed in pain but you did not let it succumb you.

40 minutes, 4 different patients, more and more blood coating your gown as your own blood flowed and crusted over. You helped Robby, Samira, Melissa at least twice, Jack last. You almost slipped on the mopped floors, feeling as if you would vomit from the pain. It died down as regular emergency patients came in.

It was a cycle of life all over the emergency room. It was approaching 9 pm when you sat in the nurses station next to Jack as he did both of your charting work, icing your ankles. With officers approaching and trying to arrest Cassie, Gloria going on a rant on the phone, you were ready to go home with Jack and sleep longer than 10 hours.

“Baby” Jack spoke up in your ear, as you slightly dozed off in the computer chair, “Head home, I’m gonna stay with Robby for a bit”. You nodded, your eyes failing you as they were heavy and not relenting, “You okay with driving?”.

He knew you weren’t fully okay, but he also knew he could trust you and your instincts. He kissed your forehead, massaged your temples, not a care in the world for who saw or wondered. Your eyes were as red as the blood on your ankles, at least you could drive home barefoot, pick up tequila and greasy food for you and Jack.

dividers by @cafekitsune

[robbysreaders]

pairing: jack abbot x f!reader  word count: 2k notes: Part 2 of ex!reader and babydaddy!jack (part 1 here)

It’s a Thursday night, and the hospital is slammed. Jack moves with purpose, flipping through a chart as he tugs off his gloves.

“I shouldn’t have planned this on a work night,” he mutters under his breath.

“Ooooh,” Dana croons behind him. “What are you planning?”

“None of your damn business,” he replies, glancing at the clock. “But I’m running late.”

Robby rounds the corner, already grinning. “Jack, get the hell out of here. I’m not getting blamed for you being late.”

Dana’s eyes narrow. “Wait. Robby knows?”

“He’s got a hot date with his baby mama,” Robby sings.

Dana’s eyebrows shoot up. “That’s a new development.”

Jack points a finger at her. “That judgy tone is exactly why I don’t tell you anything.”

He makes it home, showers, changes. Somehow gets to your place in record time.

You expected him to be late — habit. But something about how hard he’s clearly tried… reminds you. He wants to get it right this time.

You open the door.

He’s standing there in a dark button-down and jeans, a single tulip in hand. His hair’s still damp. He gives you the full once-over — slow, reverent — before trying to mask it with a crooked smile.

“Wow,” he murmurs. “You look… unfair.”

You raise an eyebrow. “You gonna stand there all night, or let me lock the door?”

He thrusts the tulip forward like he just remembered it. “For you. I, uh, have the rest at home… if you want them later.”

You smile, tuck the tulip into your bag, and follow him out.

The restaurant is all string lights and exposed brick — cozy, familiar. The waiter asks what kind of day you’ve had before recommending wine.

Jack orders after confirming your favorites — quiet, subtle. But he remembers.

“You nervous?” you ask, swirling your glass.

“A little,” he admits. “Feels like a first date. But also not. Feels like something we should’ve done a long time ago.”

“You mean back when we were living on boxed mac and cheese and resenting each other’s dishes in the sink?”

He chuckles. “Definitely not then.”

You watch him. Still Jack — dry, steady — but there’s something new softening him. Less guarded. More here.

Midway through dinner, you’re laughing about Beau’s vacuum obsession (“the Dyson phase,” Jack calls it), when he goes quiet.

“You know what I keep thinking about?” he says, thumb circling his glass.

“What?”

“That night before we split. You were packing for your parents’ place and I kept coming into the room for no reason. You finally said, ‘Jack, just say what you want to say.’”

You nod. You remember.

“I didn’t say it then. But I will now. I wanted you to stay. I just didn’t know how to ask without sounding selfish.”

Your heart tugs. You reach across the table, cover his hand. “You’ve gotten better at asking.”

He squeezes back. “Still learning.”

After dinner, you don’t go home right away. You wander the neighborhood, eventually winding up at the small park you take Beau to. The bench under the tree. The same bench where, once upon a time, everything started.

You pause. “Jack Abbot. We are not where I think we are, are we?”

He shrugs, smirk tugging at his lips. “Thought I’d ease you back in. Familiar territory.”

You lean in first this time. The kiss is slow, deep, and familiar — but not stuck in the past. There's something new now. Steady. Chosen.

He pulls back, breathless. “You still do that thing with your tongue. Drives me insane.”

You grin. “I know.”

Silence settles, warm and buzzing. Like the world has narrowed down to just the two of you.

“So,” Jack says. “How do we feel about another date?”

“That depends.”

“On?”

“Whether I get to make out with you after the next one too.”

He leans in, barely an inch from your mouth. “Oh, I think we can arrange that.”

You laugh — real and bubbling. Something you haven’t heard from yourself in a long time.

He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “I missed this.”

You nod. “Me too.”

But after a beat, something shifts. You glance down. “Why now?”

He tilts his head. “What do you mean?”

“Part of me still wonders why it took this long.”

Jack pauses. Not defensive. Just thoughtful.

“Because I didn’t trust myself. With you. With the whole thing. I didn’t think I could want something this badly and not wreck it. I had to be sure I could be better — for you, for Beau. For me.”

You exhale. “I didn’t need perfect.”

“I know that now,” he says softly. “But I had to unlearn a lot of things I didn’t even know I was carrying.”

You glance back up. “I’m still scared.”

Jack threads his fingers through yours. “Me too.”

“What if we hurt each other again?”

“We will,” he says. “But I’m not walking away this time just because something feels heavy. And I’m not letting you carry it alone.”

He walks you home, hands laced. At your door, he lingers.

“I’m not coming in,” he says, voice rough. “But I want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because I want to do this right. Not fast. Not because I can’t stand being apart — though I can’t — but because I want it to last.”

You kiss him — soft, slow, steady.

When you pull back, you whisper, “Okay. Go home.”

He nods. “Second date?”

“Next week.”

He kisses your knuckles, walks away. Turns back at the end of the block to wave like it’s something he’s allowed to do again.

And for the first time in years, you lock the door feeling full — not with ache, not with hope. Just full.

–

A few days later, the call from school comes mid-meeting.

Beau’s sick. Fever. Glassy-eyed. Curled up in the nurse’s office with his backpack clutched to his chest.

You’re already halfway to your car when you text Jack:

you: just got a call from school. beau’s sick. i’m going to get him now. jack: shit. can i call you in 5? you: kinda swamped but yeah.

He calls in three.

“Hey,” he says, already out of breath. You can hear the hum of the hospital behind him. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just scrambling. I’ve got back-to-back meetings and now—”

“I’ll handle it,” he cuts in. “I can be at your place in an hour. I’ll rearrange some stuff.”

“You’re on days now—are you sure?”

“It’s fine,” he says, too quickly. “I got it.”

You pause. Something in his voice makes your stomach twist. But you let him go.

An hour and a half later, Beau’s napping on the couch under two blankets. You’re at the kitchen table, trying to focus on your laptop. He’s flushed, quiet, lightly snoring.

Jack knocks once, then pushes the door open. Still in scrubs. He sets a pharmacy bag on the counter.

“Tylenol, apple juice, saltines.”

“Thanks,” you say softly.

He nods, drops into the chair across from you, scrubbing a hand through his hair. He looks tense. Coiled. Like he hasn’t really stopped moving.

“I didn’t think they’d let you leave,” you say.

“I told them it was an emergency. Robby gets it. I owe him now.”

“Jack—”

“It was an emergency,” he snaps. “He’s my kid.”

“I know. But you didn’t have to blow up your whole day to prove that.”

He exhales hard, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m trying to show up. That’s what you said you needed. That’s what I said I’d do.”

You pause. “I don’t need you to self-destruct to prove you care. That’s not showing up — that’s burning out.”

His jaw clenches. Then something in him falters. Just slightly.

“I panicked,” he admits. “I heard ‘sick’ and I thought—”

He doesn’t finish the sentence. Just shakes his head.

You reach across the table and take his hand. “I did too.”

A few hours later and things seem stable. Beau’s fever is stubborn but manageable, hovering near 101. You’re rotating fluids, letting him nap between cartoons. Jack’s perched at the edge of the couch, monitoring him like he’s waiting for a second shoe to drop.

“Mind hanging around?” you ask. “I’ve got one last call and then I can take over.”

“Don’t mind at all,” he murmurs. “We can combine forces. Date night with our sick kid — romance is alive and well.”

It’s just past 8 p.m. when things go sideways.

Beau stirs on the couch, body twitching, limbs stiffening in an unnatural rhythm.

“Shit—make sure he doesn’t fall.”

“Jack,” you say, panic rising, “what’s happening?”

“Febrile seizure,” he says, already shifting to the floor beside Beau, bracing his body as a barrier. “He’ll be okay. He’ll be okay.”

It lasts less than thirty seconds. It feels like a lifetime.

As soon as it passes, Jack scoops him up.

“We’re driving. Faster than an ambulance.”

You’re in the back seat, one hand on Beau’s knee, the other gripping the car door.

“Jack, I’m scared. Is he going to be okay?”

Beau’s voice is faint. “Mommy, I don’t feel good.”

“It’s okay, baby,” you whisper. “We’re going to see Daddy’s doctor friends.”

Jack’s on the phone with Shen.

“Headed in now. Just had a febrile seizure. He’s alert but out of it. Temp was 101.3 about 20 minutes ago. Not responding to acetaminophen. Gave 7.5 mL six hours ago, again an hour ago. Pulse ox was 97. Resps were 32 last time I checked. ETA four minutes.”

“Mommy, I’m tired.”

“Keep him awake.”

“I’m trying.” You cup his face. “Hey baby, should we sing your song?”

You’re halfway through the third round of You’ve Got a Friend in Me when the hospital comes into view.

Shen and a nurse are waiting at the curb. They get Beau on a gurney, Jack walking alongside, rattling off the last twelve hours like a script he’s memorized.

“Hey buddy,” Shen says gently. “Heard you’re not feeling too great. We’re gonna run some tests, get you patched up. Sound okay?”

“‘kay,” Beau croaks. “Am I gonna miss my baseball game?”

Jack smiles, brushing hair off his forehead. “Probably. But when you’re better, we’ll go to a Pirates game. Deal?”

“Deal.”

You’re standing in the corner of the exam room, arms wrapped tight around yourself, blinking hard against the overhead lights.

Jack joins you. Wraps an arm around your shoulder. Pulls you in. And that’s when you finally break.

“Shhh,” he whispers, stroking your back. “He’s okay. We’re okay.”

“Thank you,” you murmur. “I couldn’t have done this alone. I froze. I failed.”

“You didn’t fail. You leaned on me.” His voice is low, steady. “We’re a team.”

The tests come back clean. No complications. The fever finally breaks.

By the time you’re discharged, Beau’s asleep in your arms.

Jack stops at the central desk to grab papers. Shen pats him on the shoulder.

“Sorry if I overreacted,” Jack says, dragging a hand down his face. “I didn’t know how different it’d feel when it’s your own kid. He’s just so little.”

“You did the right thing,” Shen says. “Go get your family home. Get some rest.”

–

Jack parks in your driveway. The engine clicks off. You’re still half-listening to Beau’s sleepy breathing in the back seat when Jack says, quiet:

“Can I stay over?” You glance at him. “Just to make sure he’s okay tonight.”

You nod. “Of course.”

Back inside, you toe off your shoes, lay Beau gently in the center of your bed. He curls instinctively toward your pillow.

You’re brushing your teeth when Jack appears in the doorway holding two glasses of water.

“Here,” he says. “Uh… where would I find extra bedding? I’ll set up the couch.”

You look at him. Tired. Beautiful. Still trying.

“Don’t be weird,” you say softly. “Bed’s always been big enough for the three of us.”

He smiles. Follows you into the room without another word and for the second time this week, you fall asleep feeling full. But this time, you feel a little less afraid.

[randompiecesofwriting]

Don't Be a Stranger

Summary: When your brother doesn’t come back from duty overseas you take it out on the one man your brother never seemed to be without, the one man who showed up on your doorstep to break the news, you took it out on Jack. Now years later you manage to come across him in a random coffee shop and hope you can make amends.

Pairing: Jack Abbot x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Reader’s brother is killed in active duty, grief surrounding that is not handled well, Jack is an understanding king tho

Author’s Note: Did I just finish my Robby series yesterday? Yes yes I did. But this idea came to me and I couldn’t not write it so now you all get to suffer the consequences! Honestly I’m very proud of how it came out I’m already thinking about maybe doing more parts because I think there’s some potential here but as always let me know what you guys think!

Part 2

You weren’t proud of how you responded to your brother’s death, of the person you became.

You pushed people away, you were mean just for the sake of wanting to hurt someone, you isolated, you spiraled, you went through just about every cliché in the book in your grief.

And once you managed to pull yourself out of that hole, once you admitted you needed help and learned where to seek it, you made as many amends as you could, groveled until people gave in purely just to avoid having to hear you apologize again.

You found a new normal, wasn’t better, wasn’t worse, just different. Maybe some of your relationships came out the other end stronger, some surely came back weaker, and you learned to accept that, learned to move on, learned how to be you when all was said and done.

But there was still one person you couldn’t get over. Jack.

He’d been your brother’s best friend while he was over there and while you had never personally met the guy your brother wrote about him often enough you felt like you knew him at least on some level. At some points it felt like every story was told in relation to this mysterious Jack, they all had to involve him in some way, his name was always the second word out of his mouth.

And sure a part of you felt jealous of it at times, that this stranger got to spend more time with your older brother than you did, but at the end of the day you were glad he had someone out there, someone who had his back, or at least that’s what you told yourself with nearly a decade of hindsight.

He’d always said he thought you and Jack would get along, mentioned in one of the last phone calls you had with him that he was thinking about trying to get Jack to visit when he made it back.

In a way you suppose he got his wish.

You knew something was up when a man in uniform, missing a leg, forced himself up onto your porch. When you greeted him with a curious smile and his face stayed stoic. You didn’t hear much beyond his first few words, tuning the whole conversation out after “missing in action”

Jack tried to fill the silence, you could see his lips moving more than hear the words coming out of them, nothing really coming through until he said the words “he was like a brother to me” and you snapped, every ounce of anger, jealousy, hatred pouring out of you at once.

“but he wasn’t”

Speaking for the first time seemed to freeze him physically, Jack clearly not expecting it as every part of him tensed at your words.

And you should’ve backed down, should’ve taken a breath, should’ve just shut the door then. But grief does funny things to a person.

“he wasn’t a brother to you because he was mine” you spit the words at him, and Jack took each without faltering, without blinking, without an ounce of emotion. A part of you now wonders if that made it worse “he was my brother, he was your partner, it was your job to bring him back so where is he?”

You watched him clench his jaw, watched as his gaze never strayed from your own, the man didn’t falter easily under pressure you had to give him that.

“I’m sorry” and even then you acknowledged how gut-wrenchingly heartfelt those two words felt coming out of him, how they felt more like a sucker punch than a condolence.

It wasn’t until then that you did the first smart thing that entire conversation. You shut up. You let his words hang in the air, let them wash over you, let them choke you just a little, before you took a step back and slammed the door in his face.

You aren’t proud of how you handled that conversation, aren’t proud of how you burned the note he left in your mailbox with his number on it, aren’t proud of how you collapsed into yourself after that.

That was why it felt like your entire world came to a complete standstill when you spotted a familiar looking figure through the window of a coffee shop as you passed.

You froze as soon as your gaze fell on him, the woman who had been walking too closely behind you grumbling angerly at the sudden change before shoulder checking you, but you were too caught up to care, because it was undoubtedly him.

He was relaxed at a table, sitting across from someone who was clearly a friend, the two wearing matching scrubs as they talked.

And right away you could tell that the time had been good to him, the past few years changing the man you had met on your porch dramatically.

You watched him and his friend laugh softly, his head coming up to look at the ceiling as he did so and never had you imagined him able to look so light, so alive, so okay.

Your feet were moving before you could think twice, carrying you into the coffee shop before you could talk yourself out of it.

But as you approached his table you couldn’t keep the doubts at bay, thoughts swirling as you started to convince yourself that he wouldn’t want to see you, that he wouldn’t accept your apology, that you would only bring him back to that day of your brother’s death.

You were speaking before you could let any of it falter your voice.

“Jack?”

He pulled his eyes from the person across form the table quickly, clearly startled to hear his name but the edges of his mouth still stayed ticked up from whatever the other man had said.

The smile hadn’t completely dimmed by the time he met your gaze but you could practically see his brain try and work through who you were. How he knew you. You couldn’t exactly blame him it had been a few years.

As soon as it clicked though it was like the man had exploded, He was up and on his feet so fast the chair made a loud screech on the floor.

Both you and the man he was sitting with cringed at the noise, but Jack hardly noticed it. Instead, his focus was solely on you. “Y/N?”

You smiled softly and nodded your head in response, and Jack was reaching out and pulling himself back within the same motion at the confirmation. Arms not wide enough for a hug but hands splayed as if to simply grasp at you. To confirm if you were real or perhaps to offer some sort of condolence, you weren’t really sure.

His hand came back almost awkwardly to the nape of his neck, the other resting on his hip as if to ground himself as he spoke again “you-uh- you look good”

And you couldn’t help but notice the sudden change in him. The way he seemed so unsure of himself suddenly. The way he seemed to shrink on the spot. Suddenly much less the relaxed man you saw through the window and instead much more the man who had knocked on your door all those years ago.

“So do you Jack”

And you weren’t really lying. The man before you looked so much healthier than the one from years past, stronger, sturdier. You were almost proud to see it.

He studied you for a moment. A slight frown on his face as he crossed his arms and cast his head in a slight tilt “how are you holding up”

You smiled at the concern “I’m good. Better” He lightened slightly at the statement but didn’t seem to fully trust it. Eyes scanning you briefly as if he could read through you. “Been going to therapy, doing some work at the VA. It’s been good for me”

Finally he relented with a satisfied nod, a guard dog relinquishing duty. You took a deep breath, giving yourself a moment before speaking “I owe you an apology-“

You barely got the word out before he was interrupting you with a scoff “No you don’t”

You huffed slightly at the dismissal but expected nothing less “Really I do”

“You don’t” and he said it so conclusively, so definitively, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“You know most people just let it go after one insistence”

He smirked at that, shrugging before answering “well I’m not most people”

The next line slipped off your tongue before you could stop it, the well-meaning jab coming so naturally you didn’t think to question it at first “I don’t know how he could ever stand you”

The mood soured immediately, a seriousness you hadn’t meant to bring hanging over the interaction like a storm cloud that made you want to crawl into a hole. “Jack I‘m so sorry-“

He held up a single hand to stop you, a lopsided smile on his face as he stared you down for a second before responding with a huff “no don’t you’re-uh-you’re not exactly wrong”

Biting your lip you debated pushing the topic, debated making him let you apologize for that before deciding ultimately to let it slide “will you at least let me apologize for before? If not for your sake, then for mine?”

He was silent for a moment, sizing you up, analyzing before wordlessly giving you a nod, an invitation, an olive branch he didn’t seem to think either of you needed.

“I really am sorry for what I said to you that day” you started before he could change his mind, relieved and yet also unnerved to find that his gaze never once strayed from yours “I was grieving and angry and I took that out on you and that’s absolutely not fair. You were grieving too and instead of letting both of us lean on someone who knew him I was vindictive and mean and you didn’t deserve that” the words were practiced, you’d even written them down at several points, but they were no less heartfelt, no less true “Jack I’m so sorry for how I treated you that day”

His answer was quick and infallible “I forgave you the moment you shut the door in my face Y/N”

You couldn’t help but laugh slightly at that, shaking your head but smiling nonetheless “I didn’t deserve it then but thank you”

And for a second there was nothing but silence, nothing but the two of you taking a moment to size the other person up, to recognize how much the other had grown, to see the kind of change the grief had brought each, before Jack was breaking it “Do you want to join us for a coffee?”

It was only then that you remembered there was another person at the table, a person whose conversation you had completely interrupted by walking in, a person who had his face resting comfortably on his palm as he looked back and forth between Jack and you with rapt attention, a sly smirk on his face as he observed.

“I’m so sorry” you couldn’t help but blush as the reality of the situation hit you, eyes bouncing almost frantically between this person and Jack “I promise I didn’t mean to interrupt”

“No interruption” Jack promised as he placed his hands on the back of his chair, almost seeming to offer it to you.

“I’m Y/N” you ignored the invitation completely, offering a small wave to the person on the other side of the table awkwardly.

“Robby” he grinned back at you, already moving to stand up “you can have my seat just tell me what you want I’ll grab it”

“No no” you ushered him back down into his seat, silently preying that both men would just sit down and leave you to bow gracefully from the conversation “really you’re both fine I need to get going I just wanted to say hi to a friendly face”

Jack frowned slightly at your answer, taking a step closer, looking down at you with slight concern “are you sure?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking him off easily “really I appreciate it but I should go” you hesitated for a moment, debating briefly your next words before forcing yourself to continue “If it’s not too much though could we talk at some point? Doesn’t even need to be about him just in general?”

He smiled easily at that, nodding softly “I’d like that”

“Good that’s-“ You smiled back up at him gladly, cutting yourself off as you started to dig through your bag “do either of you have a pen?”

Robby beat you to finding yours easily, wordlessly offering you one from his pocket with a smile.

You sent him a whispered thank you before grabbing a napkin and starting to write “I- we’re going to say lost here instead of destroyed- but I lost your number way back then but here’s mine just reach out any time”

You offered the napkin to Jack who took it gingerly, studying the numbers for a second before tucking the paper into his pocket securely with the hint of a smile on his face.

“If you don’t want to talk about him or if it puts you back in a place you don’t want to be I totally understand”

“I’ll call you” and it was the way he said it, so assured, so insistent, so confident, that it kept you from second guessing yourself, from feeling guilty, from trying to offer him an out.

“I hope you do”

There was another silence, another moment where you and Jack just looked at one another, just appreciated one another’s presence, before the call of the barista knocked you out of it.

Snapping your attention back to Robby you put a smile on your face “It was really nice to meet you Robby I’m sorry again”

“Don’t be” he shrugged you off easily with a soft smile of his own “it was nice to meet you too”

Turning back to Jack you offered him a slightly softer smile, giving him one more look over before nodding “don’t be a stranger yeah?”

“I won’t” he assured you easily, offering you one final nod before you extracted yourself from his bubble, taking one slightly wobbly step back before forcing yourself to pivot away from the two and out the door.

Only after exiting the coffee shop did you feel like you could properly breathe, giving yourself one second to properly collect yourself before taking off down the sidewalk, biting back the grin that threatened to spill, just barely catching Robby eagerly punch Jack’s shoulder with a grin on his face from the shop window as you passed by, Jack barely giving his friend the time of day as he stared down at the napkin in his hand.

Part 2

[espressheauxs]

𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 || 𝐈 || 𝐣𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐭𝐭

summary : the “right person, wrong time” kind of chaos decided it wasn’t done with him – it hadn’t really started, after all. It wanted him to feel in a way that not even Plato could immortalize the kind of punishment Zeus would strike down on him for feeling he deserved again. It was starved of a beginning, of a place in Jack’s life.

pairing : jack abbot x f!reader

words : 2.2k~

themes/warnings : MINORS DNI/DNR. Loads, and I’m talking LOADS of hurt before the comfort that follows, Age gap relationship (reader starts off in her 20s & jack in his 30s, progresses to late 20s/early 30s & jack in his 40s), implications of power imbalance, inappropriate workplace feelings, heavily implied emotional infidelity, actual infidelity (not from Jack or reader), mentions of grief/death/being widowed, religious/mythology references & allegory, mentions of mental/emotional health issues, jealousy, misunderstanding because two idiots are in love with each other, miscommunication because said idiots do not communicate with each other, mentions of therapy and medication, conflicting feelings about having/wanting children and being married, jack is so down *bad* for you like he just wants to give you the world, eventual smut maybe idk yet, Shen is a bestie ™ , reader has some specific / non North American characteristics / cultural references, but anyone is welcome to read!

p.s: if I see you reposting, stealing, feeding my FICS into AI or some other fuck shit, don’t. 👀🫵🏽

note : wow a mostly fully outlined fic is in the works. So far I’ve messily outline 5 parts. Thank you sosososososo much to @slyyywriting @celestianstars for proof reading. Also, @abbotjack you made a post asking to be emotionally endangered with anything jack related…okhereyougobyeeeeee

Jack never really had to think about the phrase “right person, wrong time”.

He thought he had “right person, right time” figured out, until life decided it wasn’t really going to be fair and vanish the floor out from under his feet.

The grief still keeps up with its daily appointments, reminding him it still exists with each prescription and psych appointment he has.

That he, after losing more than just part of his leg, now has to learn how to exist as only himself with his heart missing as well. It still is, or was, some days. He was still trying to figure that part out.

Medicine was his only purpose now. Has been for a long time. Only the chaos is different now – more controlled, predictable.

The “right person, wrong time” kind of chaos decided it wasn’t done with him – it hadn’t really started, after all. It wanted him to feel in a way that not even Plato could immortalize the kind of punishment Zeus would strike down on him for feeling he deserved again. It was starved of a beginning, of a place in Jack’s life.

His life decides he needs it now– the chaos night you start shifts with him; you transferred starting in your last year of residency, some 400 something miles east of Pittsburgh, chasing a purpose, a challenge, an ideal.

Dana loves you instantly, and much to Jack’s chagrin, you find a camaraderie in Dr. Shen in between iced coffee runs and bad jokes while charting.

Jack often sees you arrive a little while before he does, chatting it up with the nurses in the break room over the latest episode of British Bake Off, or huddling over a shared plate of pansit on the nights no one ever dares to call it the Q-word. Other nights, it’s steamy plates of your carbonara on the nights no one ever wants to label the S-word.

You’ve always offered when he walks by, but he simply shakes his head and mumbles a gentle thank you.

It fascinates him, the way you’re close with everyone. He’s close with Dana and Robby, but you are something else entirely different to him – professional, and enthusiastic to learn from anything Jack had to say keeps a safe enough distance from either of you reaching for anything more than an easy going working relationship.

The distance also exists as the ring that he wears, and so do you, in a necklace tucked under your scrubs – as the love he’s afraid will die a second death if he doesn’t hold on to the last memory he has, and the one that had just been borne to you.

He’s easily got at least a decade and change on you. It’s not appropriate, he knows. He’s pushing forty something, your attending, and you’re his newly minted resident in her twenties. Barely having started living life.

Jack thinks you’re too sweet sometimes. A lot of the time, really. It’s the way your face warms up when he looks directly at your eyes when he asks you why you make a decision or a give a dosage, or the way your nose sweats a little when he compliments you on a job well done.

Yet he admires it all the same, especially when he sees how you are with the oldest and the smallest patients.

Especially with the smallest ones that came in crying and left happy after dealing with a hair tourniquet on a nine month old’s little thumb. The parent thanks you with a watery laugh and a smile, and the baby squawks happily when you magic a small toy from the hospital’s gift shop from your scrubs pocket and pretend to make it sing.

He does not, can not, let himself dream about something far more dangerous than being shot at. It felt like a betrayal to the memory of a life and a love he barely got to live.

—

He doesn’t remember exactly when it happens or what you said, but you had opened up his chest in a pseudo emotional thoracotomy and burrowed yourself into his heart just by being you, if only to mend whatever he had left of it from the inside.

Night by night, case by case, guidance on your research in exchange for the good protein bars from Shen’s secret snack stash only you knew about.

Jack feels it ardently when you’re performing an actual thoracotomy under his guidance. Lithe fingers slicing and examining a bloodied heart.

His throat just aboutdries up when you look at him - not because it disgusts him (he’s seen far, far worse) , but seeing how you maneuvered someone’s thoracic cavity and their heart was like feeling it in his own, slowly being fixed by you, being examined for further damage that could be fixed.

“You knew exactly what you were doing,” he says after the patching up is done and he looks at you with blood smeared all over his gloved hands.

“Yeah, you think so, Doc?” You ask in a hushed tone, eyes glistening with enthusiasm and adrenaline.

His heart knows he shouldn't like it, the way it looks when you’re coming down from the high of saving a life while blood is smeared all over you.

Jack huffs out a laugh, shaking his head and looking at you with admiration and disbelief at your own fearlessness when breaking someone’s chest open, “Take the win. Besides, it was far too risky to do it by myself.”

You don’t immediate catch the way the timbre of his voice drops as he says it, but the look in his eyes gives it away mostly, and it leaves you feeling baffled by his praise for the first time.

“..what?” Your lips tug awkwardly, not knowing how to react or what to do, especially not with bloody PPE that has definitely been soaked all the way through.

—

Somehow, there’s a closeness between you that follows. Of things left unsaid yet understood. Often silently working like a well oiled machine, a singular unit perfectly in sync while caring for a patient, affirming your decisions and you wordlessly predicting what he needed in the ER.

When Robby had asked Jack who he would recommend as a fellow out of your group, he didn’t think twice when he said your name.

“She’s the smartest one out of all of us,” he’d once said to Robby while nursing a doordash order on the roof , “this hospital would be stupid not to keep her.”

He’d certainly be for not advocating for the best resident he’s had in years.

Robby had recommended Shen. Not because he didn’t like you or because he didn’t think you were capable. But reading Jack’s glowing recommendation about you only affirmed what he suspected. Time would only tell if Jack himself could see beyond his own words.

Shen stretches out a hand, blindly sipping on his coffee as Robby and Dana slip him a $50 bill each the next time they’re in front of the betting board.

—

Jack finds himself lingering, feeling a little more, without knowing how or when – only that he does, and you exist in him long after the sun has gone up and the moon has gone down.

The corners of his lips tug in a secret smile, as his nose is able to catch the whiff of your perfume and your own smell whenever he helps tie your surgical gown and you help with his.

He tries, he really does try to ignore the feeling that burrows itself deep whenever you pat his back after helping him tie on the surgical gown.

Your hands always lingered a little longer than they should, like a balm to soothe his aches, as if to tell him - “I have you. I’m here. You’re okay.”

Jack finds it easier to sleep in his bed on the days that you do, as if your touch carries him all the way to safety, away from sand & heat and the phantom burn he still felt in his leg.

On those nights, he dreams of a feeling that only wakes when he’s not.

—

The two of you never, ever fought. Disagreements? Sure. Difference of opinion only to arrive at the same answer? Definitely.

Jack knows that that’s what he likes about you since you came on several months ago. You’re definitely the favorite out of all the residents he’s taught. The prodigal resident that was never afraid to ask why decisions were being made.

It’s what makes you an excellent doctor in his eyes, noticing things that people often don’t. It was easier for him to teach a resident that was self confident but not arrogant, and unafraid to get their hands bloody.

But your fearlessness was something he didn’t like if it involved you making a decision that put you at risk.

Sure, he’d sometimes find it funny when you were the only one to vocally tell Gloria to fuck off when she knew fuck all about being on the front lines after she denied yet another increase in security (until then, no one had ever heard you drop so many f-bombs - Jack couldn’t not laugh when he was there to witness Robby’s eyebrows all but fly to his hairline when it happened). No one but Robby ever did that (less riddled with cuss words), everyone else simply ignored what she said.

Hell, you’d even ignore what Jack would say sometimes in light hearted, less life or death situations.

But this? It was never, never this – making a decision of this magnitude without consulting him on something you’d ever only seen him do once.

“You should’ve never, ever done that by yourself.” His eyes are full of bewilderment at the mess that he had walked into as the patient is rushed to OR 1 upstairs.

“Yeah, well, I did what you taught me to do – if I waited any longer for you to tell me what to do the patient would’ve fucking bled out!”

It’s the first time the two of you ever got into an argument. The two of you never, ever argued especially not in the middle of a literal bloody mess where everyone could see and hear. But your patience was worn past thin and your fucks had long flown out the window.

“I’m your attending, that’s not the kind of decision a resident gets to make on their own!”

Jack isn’t prepared for the way you all but stomp your foot on the pedal of the biohazard bin, practically shoving your bloodied scrubs and gloves into the damn thing. Nor is he prepared for the way you point at him furiously with your left hand, where he sees the thin band of silver taunting him.

He is not a religious man, but in that moment he knows he became a martyr for a love that could never be worshipped like he used to know how to do.

“You do not get to pull rank on me!” Your voice is loud, and you’re well past the point of giving a fuck after the way your life in and out of this hospital has been lately. “I may be younger than you, Dr. Abbot, but I’m not fucking stupid!”

“That was not the standard of care.” His voice drops, full of warning as he looks directly at you. For the first time in years, the tinnitus in his ears re-emerges as his eyes flit between your face and your hand. “You’re lucky that it’s something I’m not reporting.”

He regrets it the instant he sees the way the shock on your face melts into disenchantment, and the bile burns at his throat when he sees the way light leaves your eyes.

It's the first time in a long time he wished he’d rather fall on a sword, rather than ever see that look again.

The look that told him what everyone else could see between you – that you were to Jack what Psyche was to Eros.

That you cared about him and what he had to say in a way that was more than appropriate.

Your chest heaves as you look at him, eyes riddled with a rage that squeezes in his heart. His eyes zero in on the ring again as you rub your face, hair wild in all directions from the braid it was in.

“Well fuck the standard of care, and fuck you for making me feel like shit.”

The smallness and the vulnerability in your voice hits Jack squarely where it hurts, in the places where you had started to carefully stitch the broken pieces of him back together.

“Take a bre–”

The words die on his lips as you shoulder past him, shoving the door open and knob rattling as you let it go to storm your way out and past the nurses station and down the hall.

That night, a patient’s heart was saved at the expense of two.

—

© espressheauxs, 2025

[thepencilnerd]

A Lesson In Fear Extinction | part I

pairing: professor!Jack Abbot x f!psych phd student reader summary: You’re a senior doctoral student in the clinical department, burned out and emotionally barricaded, just trying to finish your final few years when Jack Abbot—trauma researcher, new committee member, and unexpectedly perceptive—starts seeing through you in ways you didn’t anticipate wc: 11.9k content/warnings: academic!AU, slow burn (takes places over 3 years lbffr), frat boys being gross + depictions of unwanted male attention/verbal harassment, academic power dynamics, emotional repression, discussions of mental health, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, angst, so much yearning, canon divergence, no explicit smut (yet/tbd but still 18+ MDNI, i will fight u) a/n: this started as a slow-burn AU and spiraled into a study in mutual repression, avoidant-attachment, and me trying to resolve my personal baggage through writing ~yet again~ p.s. indubitably inspired by @hotelraleigh and their incredible mohan x abbot fic (and all of their fics that live in my head rent free, tyvm) i hope you stay tuned for part II (coming soon, pinky promise) ^-^

The first thing you learn about Dr. Jack Abbot is that he hates small talk. That, and that he has a death glare potent enough to silence even the most self-important faculty members in the psych department.

The second thing you learn is that he runs his office like a bunker—door usually half-shut, always a little too cold, shelves lined with books no one's touched in decades. You step inside for your first meeting, and it feels like entering a war room.

"You’re early," he says, without looking up from the annotated manuscript he’s scribbling on.

"It's the first day of the school year."

"Same difference."

You take a seat, balancing your laptop on your knees. Your fingers hover over the keyboard, unsure if you should even bother.

Dr. Abbot finally glances up. Hazel eyes, sharp behind silver-framed glasses. "Let’s make this easy. Tell me what you’re working on and what you want from me."

You hesitate. Not because you don’t know. You’ve been rehearsing this on the walk over. You just hadn’t planned on him cutting through the pleasantries quite so fast.

"I’m running a mixed methods study on affective forecasting errors in anxiety and depression. Lab-based mood induction, longitudinal survey follow-up, and semi-structured interviews. I'm trying to map discrepancies between predicted and experienced affect and how that mismatch contributes to maladaptive emotion regulation patterns over time."

A beat.

"So you're testing whether people with anxiety and depression are bad at predicting their own feelings."

You blink. "Yes."

"Good. Start with that next time."

You bite the tip of your tongue. Roll the flesh between your teeth to ground yourself. There is no next time, you want to say. You’re only meeting with him once, to get sign-off on your committee. He wasn’t your first choice. Wasn't even your second. But your advisor's on sabbatical, and the other quantitative faculty are already overbooked.

Dr. Abbot leans back in his chair, examining you. "You’re primary is Robby, right?"

"Technically, yes."

He hums, not bothering to hide the skepticism. "And you want me on your committee because...?"

"Because you published that meta-analysis on PTSD and chronic stress. Your work on cumulative trauma exposure and dysregulated affect dovetails with mine on stress-related trajectories for internalizing disorders and comorbidity. I thought you might actually get what I’m trying to do."

His brow lifts, just slightly. "You did your homework."

"Well, I’m asking you for feedback on a dissertation that will probably make me break down countless times before it's done. Figured I should know what I was getting into."

Dr. Abbot's mouth twitches. You wouldn’t call it a smile, exactly. But it’s something.

"Alright," he says, flipping open a calendar. "Let’s see if we can find a time next week to go over your proposal draft."

You arch a brow. "You’ll do it?"

"You came in prepared. And you didn’t waste my time—as much as the other fourth years. That gets you further than you’d think around here."

You nod, heart thudding. Not because you’re nervous.

Because you have the weirdest feeling that Jack Abbot just became your biggest academic problem—and your most unexpected ally.

You see him again the next day. Robby was enjoying his last remaining few weeks of paternity leave and graciously asked Jack to sub for his foundations of clinical psychology course. Jack preferred the word coerced but was silenced by a text message with a photo of a child attached. The baby was cute enough to warrant blackmail. 

He barely got through the door intact: balancing a coffee cup between his teeth, cradling a half-closed laptop under one arm, and wrangling the straps of a clearly ancient backpack. His limp is more pronounced today. The small cohort watches him with a mix of curiosity and vague alarm.

You’re in the front row, laptop open before he even gets to the podium.

Jack drops everything onto the lectern with a heavy exhale, then glances around. His eyes catch on you and pause—not recognition yet, just flicker. Then he turns back to plug in his laptop.

You don’t expect to see him again two days later, striding into the 200-level general psych class you TA. The room’s already three-quarters of the way full when he walks in, and it takes him a moment before he does a brief double-take in your direction.

You return your attention to your notes. Jack stares.

"Small world."

"Nice to see you too, Dr. Abbot."

He sighs. "Why am I not surprised."

"Because the annual stipend increase doesn't adjust for inflation, I'm desperate, and there aren't enough grants given the current state of events?"

Jack mutters something under his breath about cosmic punishment and unfolds the syllabus from his coat pocket like it personally betrayed him.

When he finally settles at the front—coffee in one hand, laptop balancing precariously on the desk—you catch him bending and straightening his knee just under the edge of the table, jaw set tight. It’s subtle. Anyone else might miss it. But you’ve been watching.

You say nothing. 

A few students linger with questions—mostly undergrads eager to impress, notebooks clutched to their chests, rattling off textbook jargon in shaky voices. Jack humors them, mostly. Nods here, clarification there. But his eyes flick to you more than once.

You take your time with the stack of late enrollment passes. He’s still watching when you sling your tote over one shoulder and head for the door.

Probably off to the lab. Or your cubicle in the main psych building. Wherever fourth years disappear to when they aren’t shadowing faculty or training underqualified and overzealous research assistants on data collection procedures.

Jack shifts his weight onto his good leg and half-listens to the sophomore with the over-highlighted textbook.

His eyes stay on you when you walk out.

You make it three steps past the stairwell before the sound of your name stops you. It’s not loud—more like a clipped murmur through the general noise of backpacks zipping and chairs scraping—but it cuts straight through.

You turn back.

Jack’s still at the front, the stragglers now filtering out behind him. He doesn’t wave. Doesn’t beckon. Just meets your gaze like he already knows you’ll wait. You do.

He makes his way toward you slowly, favoring one leg. The closer he gets, the more you notice—the way his hand tightens on the strap of his backpack, the exhausted pull at his brow. He’s not masking as well today.

"Thanks for not saying anything," he says when he stops beside you.

You shrug. "Didn’t seem like you needed an audience."

Jack huffs a laugh, dry and faintly surprised. "Most people mean well, but—"

"They hover," you finish. "Or overcompensate. Or say something weird and then try to walk it back."

"Exactly."

You both stand there for a beat too long, campus noise shifting around you like a slow tide.

"I was heading to the coffee shop," you say finally. "Did you want anything?"

Jack tilts his head. "Bribery?"

"Positive reinforcement." The words trail behind a small grin. 

He shakes his head, mouth twitching. "Probably had enough caffeine for the day."

The corner of your lip curls higher. "As if there's such a thing."

That earns you a half-huff, half-scoff—just enough to let you believe you might have amused him.

"Well," you say, taking a step backward, "I’ve got three more RAs to train and one very stubborn loop to fix. See you around, Dr. Abbot."

"Good luck," he says, voice low but steady. "Don’t let the building eat you alive."

The next time he sees you, it’s after 10 p.m. on a Thursday.

You hadn’t planned on staying that late. But the dinosaur of a computer kept crashing, two of your participants no-showed, and by the time you’d salvaged the afternoon’s data to pull, it was easier to crash on the grad lounge couch than face the lone commute back to your apartment.

You must’ve fallen asleep halfway through reading feedback from your committee—curled up with your legs splayed over the edge of the couch and laptop perched on the cheap coffee table. The hall is mostly dark when Jack walks past. He’s heading toward the parking lot when he stops, mid-step.

For a moment, he just stands there, taking in the sight of you tucked awkwardly into yourself. You look comfortable in your oversized hoodie, if not for the highlighter cap still tucked between your fingers and mouth parted in a silent snore. 

He doesn’t say anything. Just watches you breathe for a few seconds longer than necessary.

Then, maybe with more curiosity than concern, he raps his knuckles gently against the doorframe. Once. Twice. Three times for good measure. 

No response.

Jack steps inside and calls out, voice pitched low but insistent. "This is not a sustainable sleep schedule, you know."

You stir—just barely. A vague groan escapes your lips as you shift and swat clumsily in the direction of the noise. "Just five more minutes... need to run reliability analyses..."

Jack chuckles, genuine and surprised.

He leans against the wall, watching you with no urgency to leave. "Dreaming about data cleaning. Impressive."

You make a small, unintelligible noise and swat again, this time with a little more conviction. Jack snorts.

After a moment, he sighs. Then carefully crosses the room, picks up the crumpled throw blanket from the floor, and drapes it over you without ceremony.

He flicks off the overheads and closes the door behind him with a quiet click. The hallway hums with fluorescent buzz as he limps toward the parking lot, shoulders tucked in against the chill.

A few weeks into the semester, the rhythm settles—lecture, discussion, grading, rinse and repeat. But today, something shifts.

You’re stacking quizzes at the front of the general psych lecture hall when Jack catches movement out of the corner of his eye. Two male students—frat-adjacent, all oversized hoodies and entitled swagger—approach your desk.

Jack looks up from his laptop. His expression doesn’t shift, but something in his posture does—a subtle, perceptible freeze. He watches from where he’s still packing up—hand paused on his laptop case, jaw tight, eyes narrowing just slightly as he takes in the dynamic. There’s a flicker of tension behind his glasses, a pause that says: if you needed him, he’d step in.

They swagger up with the kind of smirks you’ve seen too many times before—overconfident, under-read, and powered by too many YouTube clips of alpha male podcasts.

"Yo, TA—what’s up?" one says, leaning far too close to your desk. "Was gonna ask something about the exam, but figured I’d shoot my shot first. You free later? Coffee on me."

His friend elbows him like he’s a comedic genius. "Yeah, like maybe we could pick your brain about, like, how to get into grad school. You probably have all the insider tricks, right?"

You don’t even blink.

"Sure," you say sweetly. "I’d love to review your application materials. Bring your CV, your transcript, three letters of rec, and proof that you’ve read the Title IX policy in full. Bonus points if you can make it through a meeting without quoting Andrew Tate—or I’ll assume you’re trying to get yourself suspended." 

They stare. You smile.

One laughs uncertainly. The other mutters something about how "damn, okay," and both slink away.

Jack’s jaw works once. Then relaxes.

You glance up, like you knew he’d been watching.

"Well handled," he says, voice low as he steps beside you.

You offer a nonchalant shrug. "First years are getting bolder."

"Bold is one word for it."

You hand him a stack of leftover forms. "Relax, Dr. Abbot. I’ve survived undergrads before. I’ll survive again."

Jack gives a small, amused grunt. Then, after a beat: "You can call me Jack."

You glance up, brow raised. 

"Feels a little formal to keep pretending we’re strangers.

You don’t say anything right away. Just nod once, almost imperceptibly, then go back to gathering your things.

He doesn’t push it.

It’s raining hard enough to rattle the windows.

You’re having what your cohort half-jokingly calls a "good brain day"—sentences coming easy, theory clicking into place, citations at your fingertips. You barely notice the weather.

Jack glances up from your chapter draft as you launch into a point about predictive error and affective flattening. He doesn't interrupt. His eyes follow how you pace—one hand gesturing, the other holding your annotated copy, words sharp and certain.

Eventually, you pause mid-thought and glance at him.

He's already looking at you. 

Your hand flies up to cover your mouth. "Shit. I'm sorry—"

Jack shakes his head, lips twitching at the corners. "Don’t apologize. That was… brilliant."

You blink at him, the compliment stalling your momentum. The automatic response bubbles up fast—some joke to deflect, to downplay. You don't say it. Not this time.

Still, your fingers tighten slightly on the edge of the desk. "I don't know about brilliant..."

Jack doesn’t look away. "I do."

The silence stretches—not awkward, exactly, but thick. His gaze doesn’t waver, and it holds something steady and burning behind it.

You glance down at your annotated draft. The silence stays between you like a taut wire.

Jack doesn’t fill it. Just waits—gaze unwavering, as if giving you time to come to your own conclusion. No pressure, no indulgent smile. Just a quiet, grounded certainty that settles between you like weight.

Eventually, you exhale. The tension loosens—not completely, but enough to keep going.

"Okay," you murmur, almost to yourself.

Jack nods once, slowly. Then gestures at your printed draft. "Let’s talk about your integration of mindfulness in the discussion section. I’ve got a few thoughts."

Ethics is the last class of the week. The room's heating is inconsistent, the lights too bright, and Jack doesn’t know how the hell he ended up covering for Frank Langdon. Probably the same way he got stuck with Foundations and General Psych: Robby. The department’s too damn small and apparently everyone with a baby gets to vanish into thin air.

He steps into the room ten minutes early, coffee already lukewarm, and makes a half-hearted attempt to adjust the podium screen. The first few students trickle in, then more. He flips through the lecture slides, barely registering them.

And then he sees you.

You’re near the back, chatting with someone Jack doesn’t recognize. Another grad student by the look of him—slouched posture, soft jaw, navy sweater. The guy’s grinning like he thinks he’s charming. He leans in a little too close to your chair. Says something Jack can’t hear.

Jack tells himself he’s only looking because the guy seems familiar. Maybe someone from Walsh’s lab. Or Garcia’s. 

You laugh at something—light, genuine.

Jack tries not to react.

Navy Sweater says something else, more animated now. He gestures to your laptop. Points to something. You nudge his hand away with a grin and say something back that makes him blush.

Jack flips the page on his lecture notes without reading a word.

You’re still smiling when you finally glance up toward the podium.

Your eyes meet.

Jack doesn’t look away. But he doesn’t smile either.

The guy beside you says something else. You nod politely.

But you’re not looking at him anymore.

The next time you're in Jack’s office, the air feels different—autumn sharp outside, but warm in here.

He notices things. Not all at once, but cumulatively.

Your hair’s longer now. It’s subtle, but the ends graze your jaw in a way they hadn’t before. You’ve started wearing darker shades—amber, forest green, burgundy—instead of the lighter neutrals from early fall. Small changes. Seasonal shifts.

He doesn’t say anything about any of that.

But then he sees it.

A faint smudge of something high on your neck, near the curve of your jaw.

"Rough night?" he asks, lightly. The tone’s casual, but his eyes stay there a second too long.

You look up, blinking. Then seem to realize. "Oh. No, it’s—nothing."

He raises an eyebrow, just once. Doesn’t press.

What you don’t say: you went on a date last night. Your first real date since your second year. Navy Sweater—Isaac—had been sweet. Patient. Social psych, so he talked about group dynamics and interdependence theory instead of clinical cases. A refreshing change from your usual context. He’d been pining for you since orientation. You finally gave him a chance.

You’re not sure yet if it was a mistake.

Jack doesn’t ask again. He just shifts his attention back to your printed draft, flipping a page without comment.

But you can feel it—that subtle change in the room. Like something under the surface has started to stir.

Jack doesn’t speak again for the rest of the meeting, at least not about anything that isn’t your manuscript. But the temperature between you has shifted, unmistakable even in silence.

His feedback is sharp, incisive, and you take it all in—but your focus tugs sideways more than once.

You start to notice little things. The way his hands move when he talks—precise, economical, almost always with a pen twirling between his fingers. The way he reads with his whole posture—leaned in slightly, brows furrowed, lips moving just barely like he’s tasting the cadence of each sentence. How he always wears button-downs, sleeves pushed up to the elbows, like he’s never quite comfortable in them.

You catch the faint scruff at his jawline, the flecks of gray you hadn’t seen before in the fluorescent classroom light. The quiet groan of his office chair as he shifts to get more comfortable—though he never quite does. The occasional tap of his fingers against the desk when he’s thinking. The way his eyes track you when you pace, like he’s cataloging your rhythm.

When he leans in to gesture at a line in your text, you’re aware of his proximity in a way you hadn’t been before. The warmth that radiates off him. The way his breath hitches just slightly before he speaks.

When you ask a clarifying question, he meets your eyes and holds the gaze a fraction too long.

It shouldn’t mean anything. It probably doesn’t.

Still, when you pack up to leave, you don’t rush. Neither does he.

He walks you to the door, stops just short of it.

"Good luck with the coding," he says.

You nod. "Thanks. See you next week."

He hesitates, then nods once more. "Yeah. Next week."

And when you leave his office, the echo of that pause follows you down the hall.

At home, Jack goes through the same routine he always does. He hangs up his coat. Places his keys in the ceramic dish by the door. Fills the kettle. Rinses a clean mug from the rack without thinking—habit, even if it’s just for himself.

Then he sits down on the edge of the couch and unbuckles the prosthetic from his leg with practiced efficiency. He leans forward, slow and deliberate, and cleans the area with a soft cloth, checking the skin for signs of irritation before applying a thin layer of ointment. Only then does he begin to massage the tender spot where his leg ends, pressing the heel of his palm just enough to release tension. The ache is dull tonight, but persistent. It always is when the weather shifts.

He doesn’t turn on the TV. When he buckles it back on and gets up again, he moves around his apartment quietly, the limp less noticeable this time around.

While the water heats, he scrolls through emails on his phone—most from admin, flagged with false urgency. A few unread messages from students, one from a journal editor asking for another reviewer on a manuscript that costs too much to publish open access. He deletes half, archives another third. Wonders when it became so easy to ignore what used to feel so important.

The kettle whistles. He pours the water over the tea bag and sets it down, not bothering with the stack of essays he meant to look at hours ago.

He doesn’t touch them.

Not yet.

Tonight, his rhythm is off.

Instead, he looks over your latest draft after dinner, meaning only to skim. He finds himself rereading the same paragraph three times, mind somewhere else entirely. Your words, your phrasing, your comments in the margins—he's memorizing them. Not intentionally. It just happens.

Later, brushing his teeth, Jack thinks of how you’d looked that afternoon: eyes sharp, expression animated, tucked into a wool sweater the color of cinnamon. Hair falling forward when you tilted your head to listen, then swept back with one distracted hand. A little ink smudged on your finger. The edge of a smile you didn’t know you were wearing.

He wonders if you know how often you pace when you’re deep in thought. How your whole posture changes when something clicks—like your bones remember before your voice does. How you gesture with the same hand you write with, sometimes forgetting you’re holding a pen at all.

He tells himself it’s just professional attentiveness. That he’s tuned into all his students this way. That noticing you in detail is part of his job.

But it’s a lie. And the truth has started to settle into his bones.

He closes his laptop, shuts off the light.

He dreams in fragments—lecture notes and old conference halls, the scent of rain-soaked leaves, the sound of your voice mid-sentence. The ghost of a laugh.

He doesn’t remember the shape of the dream when he wakes.

Only the warmth that lingers in its place.

Across town, you’re on another date with Isaac.

He’s funny tonight—quick with dry quips, gentler than you'd expected. He walks you to a small café far from campus, one you’ve driven by a dozen times but never tried. He orders chai with oat milk. You get the pumpkin spice out of spite.

"Pumpkin spice, really?" he teases. "Living the stereotype."

"It’s autumn," you shoot back. "Let me have one basic pleasure."

You talk about everything but your dissertation—TV shows, childhood pets, the worst advice you’ve ever received from an advisor. Inevitably, you steer the conversation into something about work. It's a habit you seem to remember having since your earliest academic days, and one you don't see yourself breaking free from anytime soon.

"My undergrad advisor once told me I’d never get into grad school unless I stopped sounding ‘so West Coast.’ Still not sure what that means."

Isaac laughs. "Mine told me to pick a research topic ‘I wouldn’t mind reading about for the rest of my life.’ As if anyone wants to read their own lit review twice."

You laugh—genuine, belly-deep. Isaac flushes with pride and takes a long sip of his chai, eyes bright.

It's easy with him, you think. Talking, breathing, being. You lean back in your chair, cup warm between your palms, and realize you should feel more present than you do.

He’s exactly what you thought you needed. Different. Outside your orbit. Not tangled up in diagnoses or a department that feels more like a pressure cooker every day.

But still, your mind drifts. Not far. Just enough.

Back to the way Jack had looked at you earlier that day. The pause before he spoke. The silence that wasn’t quite silence.

You can’t put your finger on it. You don’t want to.

Isaac reaches across the table to brush his fingers against yours. You let him.

And yet.

You catch yourself glancing toward the door as he brushes your fingers. Just once. Barely perceptible. A flicker of something unformed tugging at the edge of your attention.

Not for any reason you can name. Not because anything happened. But because something did—quiet and slow and not easily undone.

You remember the way his brow furrowed as he read your chapter, the steadiness in his voice when he called your argument brilliant, the way he looked at you like the room had narrowed down to a single point.

Isaac is sweet. Funny. Steady. You should be here.

But your mind keeps slipping sideways.

And Jack Abbot—stubborn, sharp, unreadable Jack—is suddenly everywhere. In the cadence of a sentence you revise, where you hear his voice in your head asking, 'Why this framework? Why now?' In the questions you don’t ask Isaac because you already know how Jack would answer them—precise, cutting, but never unkind. In the sudden, irritating way you want someone to challenge you just a little more. To push back, to poke holes, to see if your argument still stands.

You find yourself wondering what he’s doing tonight. If he’s at home, pacing through a quiet, single-family home too large for his own company. If he’s reading someone else’s manuscript with the same intensity. If he ever thinks about the way you looked that afternoon, how you paced his office with fire in your voice and a red pen tucked behind your ear.

You think about the hitch in his breath when you leaned in. The way he’d watched you leave, that pause at the door.

And then Isaac says something—soft, thoughtful—and it takes you a second too long to register it. You nod, distracted, and reach for your drink again.

But your mind is already elsewhere.

Still with someone else.

You take another sip of your drink. Smile at Isaac. Let the moment pass.

But even then, even here—Jack is in the room.

You don’t see Jack again until the following Thursday. It’s raining hard again—something about mid-semester always seems to come with the weather—and the psych building smells like wet paper and overworked radiators.

You’re in the hallway, hunched over a Tupperware of leftover lentils and trying to catch up on grading, when his door creaks open across the hall. You glance up reflexively.

He’s standing there, brow furrowed, papers in hand. He spots you. Freezes.

For a moment, neither of you says anything. The hallway is quiet, just the hum of fluorescents and the distant murmur of a class in session. Then:

"Grading?" he asks, voice lower than usual—quiet, but unmistakably curious.

You lift your fork, deadpan. "Don’t sound so jealous."

Jack’s mouth twitches—almost a smile. A pause, then: "You’re in Langdon’s office hours slot, right?"

"Only if I bring snacks," you quip, referring to the way Frank Langdon always lets the TA with snacks cut the line—a running joke in the department.

Jack raises his coffee like a toast. "Then I’ll keep walking." A dry little truce. An unspoken I’ll stay out of your way—unless you want me to stay.

You watch him disappear down the hallway, his limp slightly more pronounced than usual. And you find yourself thinking—about how many times you’ve noticed that, and how many times he’s never once drawn attention to it.

Your spoon scrapes the bottom of the container. You try to return to grading.

You don’t get much done.

Later that afternoon, you’re back in the general psych lecture hall, perched on the side of the desk with your TA notes while Jack clicks through the day’s slides. It’s the second time he’s teaching this unit and he’s not even pretending to follow the script. You know him well enough now to catch the subtle shifts—when he goes off-book, lets the theory breathe.

He doesn’t look at you while he lectures, but you can tell when he’s aware of you. The slight change in cadence, the way his eyes flick toward the front row where you sometimes sit, sometimes stand.

Today’s lecture is on conditioning. Classical, operant, extinction.

At one point, Jack pauses at the podium. He’s talking about fear responses—conditioned reactions, the body’s anticipatory wiring, what it takes to unlearn a threat. You’ve heard this part a dozen times in college and a dozen more in grad school. You’ve written about it. You've published on it. 

But when he says, "Fear isn’t erased. It’s overwritten," his eyes flick toward you—just for a second.

And your heart trips a little. Not in a dramatic, cinematic way—more like a misstep in rhythm, a skipped beat in a song you thought you knew by heart. Your breath catches for half a second, and you feel the heat rush to the tips of your ears.

It’s absurd, maybe. Definitely. But the tone of his voice when he said it—that measured, worn certainty—lands somewhere deep inside you. Not clinical. Not abstract. It feels like he’s speaking to something unspoken, to a part of you you've tried to keep quiet.

You shift your weight, pretending to re-stack a paper that doesn’t need re-stacking, pulse louder than it should be in your ears.

From your seat on the edge of the desk, you can see the way he gestures with his hand, slow and spare, like every movement costs something. The way he leans on his good leg. The way the muscles in his forearm flex as he flips to the next slide, still speaking, still teaching—none of this showing on his face.

Your eyes keep drifting back.

And he doesn’t look at you again. Not for the rest of the lecture.

But you feel the weight of that glance long after the class ends.

You stay after class, mostly to gather the quiz sheets and handouts. A few students linger, asking Jack questions about the exam. You hear him shift into that firm-but-generous tone he uses with undergrads, the kind that makes them think he’s colder than he is. Efficient. Clear.

When the last student finally packs up and leaves the room, Jack straightens. His eyes find you, soft but unreadable.

"Good lecture," you say.

He hums. "Not bad for a recycled deck."

You hand him the stack of forms. "You made it your own."

His thumb brushes over the edge of the papers. "So did you."

You don’t ask what he means. But the quiet between you feels different than it did at the start of the semester.

The room is mostly empty. Just the two of you. You're caught somewhere between impulse and caution. Approach and avoidance. There's a pull in your chest, low and slow, that makes you want to linger a second longer. To say something else. To ask about the lecture, or the line he looked at you during, or the kind of day he's had. But your voice sticks.

Instead, you shift again, adjust your grip on the papers in your hands, and let it all stay unsaid. But Jack’s already turned back toward the podium, gathering his things.

He doesn’t look up right away. Just slides his laptop into its case with more force than necessary, his jaw set tight. He’s annoyed with himself. The kind of annoyance that comes from knowing he missed something—not a moment, exactly, but the shadow of one. An opening. And he let it pass.

There was a question in your eyes. Or maybe not a question—maybe a dare. Maybe just the start of one. And he didn’t rise to meet it.

He tells himself that’s good. That’s safe. That’s professional.

But it doesn’t feel like a win.

His hand pauses on the zipper. He breathes out through his nose, not quite a sigh. Then glances toward the door.

You’re already gone.

You let the moment pass.

But you feel it. Like something just under the surface, waiting for another breach in the routine.

It happens late one evening, entirely by accident.

You’re in your office, door mostly closed, light still on. You meant to leave hours ago—meant to finish your email and call it—but the combination of caffeine and a dataset that refused to make sense kept you tethered to your desk.

Jack’s on his way out of the building when he hears it: a muffled sound from behind a half-open door just across the hallway from his own. He pauses, backtracks, and realizes for the first time exactly where your office is.

He hears it again—a quiet sniffle, then a low, barely-there laugh like you’re trying to brush it off.

He knocks.

You don’t answer.

"Hey," he says, voice just loud enough to carry but still gentle. "You alright?"

The sound of your chair creaking. A breath caught in your throat.

"Shit—Jack." You swipe at your face automatically, the name out before you think about it.

He steps just inside, not crossing the threshold. "Didn’t mean to scare you."

You shake your head, still blinking fast. "No, I just—burned out. Hit a wall. It’s fine. Nothing serious. Just… one of those days." You try for a joke.

Jack’s eyes sweep the room. The state of your desk. The way your sweater sleeves are pulled down over your hands. He shifts his weight.

There’s a long pause. Then he says, softer, "Can I—?"

You furrow your brows for a moment before nodding.

He steps in and leaves the door slightly cracked open behind him. He remains by the edge of your desk, a respectful distance between you. His presence is quiet but steady, and he doesn't pry with questions.

You exhale slowly, suddenly aware of the sting behind your eyes and how tight your shoulders have been all day. You look down, embarrassed, and when you reach for a tissue, your hand grazes his by accident.

You both freeze.

It’s nothing, really. A brush of skin. But it lands like something else. Not unwelcome. Not forgotten.

Jack doesn’t pull away. But he doesn’t linger, either.

Jack doesn’t move at first. He watches you for a moment longer, the quiet in the room settling unevenly.

"You sure you’re alright?" he asks, voice low, unreadable.

You nod, quick. "Yeah. I’m fine."

It comes too fast. Reflexive. But it lands the way you want it to—firm, closed.

Jack nods slowly. He doesn’t push. "Okay."

He steps back, finally. "Just—don’t stay too late, alright?"

You offer a smaller nod.

He hesitates again. Then turns and slips out without another word.

Your office feels warmer once he’s gone.

And your breath feels just a little easier.

Jack makes his way down the hallway toward the faculty lounge with the intention of grabbing a fresh coffee before his office hours. He passes a few students loitering in the corridor—chatter, laughter, the usual.

But then he hears your voice. Quiet, edged. Just outside the lecture hall.

"Isaac, I’m not having this conversation again. Not here."

Jack slows. Doesn’t stop, but slows and finds a small nook just shy of the corner. 

"I just don’t get why you won’t answer a simple question," Isaac says. "Are you seeing someone else or not?"

There’s a pause. Jack glances down at the coffee in his hand and debates turning around.

But then he hears your exhale—sharp, frustrated. "No. I’m not."

Isaac huffs. "Then what is this? You’re always somewhere else—even when we’re out, even on weekends. It’s like your head’s in another fucking dimension."

Jack feels the hairs on his neck stand up. He sees you standing with your back half-turned to Isaac, arms crossed tightly over your chest. Isaac’s face is flushed, his voice a little too loud for the setting. Your posture is still—too still.

Jack doesn’t step in. Not yet. He stays just out of sight, near the hallway alcove. Close enough to hear. Close enough to watch.

You draw in a long breath. When you speak, your voice is level, cold. "I just don’t think I’m in the right place to be in a relationship right now."

Isaac’s expression shifts—confused, hurt.

Jack watches the edge of your profile. How your shoulders lock into place. How your eyes go distant, like you’re powering down every soft part of yourself.

He doesn’t breathe.

Then someone laughs down the hallway, and the moment breaks. Isaac looks over his shoulder, distracted for half a beat, then turns back to you with something sharp in his eyes.

"You’re not even trying," he says, voice low but biting. "I’m giving you everything I’ve got, and you’re... somewhere else. Always."

You stiffen. Jack stays hidden, tension rippling down his spine.

"I know..." you say, voice tight. "I'm sorry. I really am. But this isn’t working."

Isaac’s face contorts. "Seriously? That’s it?"

You shake your head. "You deserve someone who’s fully here. Who wants the same things you do. I’m not that person right now."

He opens his mouth to say something, but your eyes have already gone cold. Guarded. Clinical.

"I don't want to whip out the 'it's not you it's me bullshit'," you continue, each word deliberate. "But this isn’t about you doing something wrong. It’s me. I can’t give more than I’ve already given."

Jack watches the shift in your posture—how you shut it all down, protect the last open pieces of yourself. He recognizes it because he’s done the same.

"I'm sorry." The words are genuine. "You deserve better." Your eyes don't betray you. For a moment, though, your expression softens. You look at Isaac like a kicked dog, like you wish you could offer something kinder. But then it’s gone. Your eyes go cold again, your voice a blade dulled only by exhaustion.

Then someone laughs again down the hallway, closer this time, and the moment scatters. Jack moves past without a word. Doesn’t look at you directly.

But he sees you.

And he doesn’t forget what he saw.

As he passes, you glance up. Your eyes meet.

Only for a second.

Then he’s gone.

Isaac doesn’t notice.

Time passes. You're back in Jack's office for your regular one-on-one—but something is different.

You sit a little straighter. Speak a little quieter. The bright curiosity you usually carry in your voice has hardened, now precise ,restrained. Not icy, but guarded. Pulled taut.

You’re not trying to be unreadable, but you can feel yourself defaulting. Drawing the boundaries back up.

Jack notices.

He doesn’t say anything, but you catch the slight narrowing of his gaze as he listens.

You’d gone all in on this program, this career—your research, your ambitions, your carefully calculated goals. Isaac was the first time you'd tried letting something else in. A possibility. A softness.

And it crashed. Of course it did.

Because that’s what you do. That’s the pattern. You’re excellent at control, planning, systems, at hypothesis testing and case management. But when it comes to anything outside the academic orbit—connection, trust, letting someone see the jagged pieces under the polish—you flinch. You fail.

And you’ve learned not to let that show. Not anymore.

At one point, you trail off mid-sentence. Jack doesn’t fill the silence.

You clear your throat. Try again.

There’s something steadier in his quiet today. You finally finish your point and glance up. His expression is neutral, but his gaze is… undivided.

"Are you okay?"

It catches you off guard. You blink once, not expecting the question, not from him, not here.

You start to nod. Then pause. Your throat feels tight for a second.

"Yeah," you say. "I’m fine."

Jack doesn’t look away. He holds your gaze a moment longer. Not pressing. Not interrogating. Just there.

"You should know better than to lie to a psychologist."

It’s almost a joke. Almost. Just enough curve at the corner of your mouth to soften it. You let out a breath—half a laugh, half a sigh. "Guess I need to reassess my baseline."

Jack leans forward slightly. Then, without saying anything, reaches over and closes your laptop. Slides it just out of reach on the desk.

You open your mouth to protest.

Jack cuts in, quiet but firm. "You need to turn your brain off before it short circuits."

You blink. He continues, gentler this time. "Just for a few minutes. You don’t have to push through every wall. Sometimes it’s okay to sit still. Breathe. Be a human being."

You look down at your hands, fingers curled around a pen you hadn’t realized you were still holding. There’s a long pause before you speak.

"I don’t know how to do that," you admit, voice barely above a whisper.

Jack doesn’t say anything at first. He lets the silence settle. "Start small," he says. "We’re not built to stay in fight-or-flight forever."

The words land heavier than you expect. You stare down at your hands, your knuckles paling against the pressure of your grip. Your breath stutters on the way out.

Jack doesn’t move, but his presence feels closer somehow—like the room has contracted around the two of you, warm and steady.

You set the pen down slowly. Swallow. Your eyes burn, but nothing falls.

Your jaw shifts. Just a fraction.

You don’t say anything at first.

Jack doesn’t either. But he doesn’t look away.

After a beat, he says—careful, quiet—"You want to talk about it?"

You hesitate, eyes fixed on a crease in your jeans. "No."

He waits. "I think you do."

You laugh under your breath. It’s not funny. "This how you talk to all of your clients?"

He doesn't bite.

"You don’t let up, do you?" You're only half-serious.

"I do," he pauses. "When it matters. Just not when my mentee is sitting in front of me looking like the world’s pressing down on their ribcage."

That makes you flinch. Not visibly, not to most. But he sees it. Of course he does. He’s trained to.

You look at your hands. He's not going to let this go so you might as well bite the bullet. "I'm not great at the whole... letting people in thing."

Jack doesn’t respond. Just shifts his weight slightly in his chair—almost imperceptibly. A silent invitation.

Your voice stays quiet. Measured. "I usually just throw myself into work. It’s easier. It’s something I can control."

Still, he says nothing.

You pick at the seam of your sleeve. "Other stuff... it gets messy. Too unpredictable. People are unpredictable."

Jack’s gaze never wavers. He doesn’t push. But the absence of interruption is its own kind of presence—steady, open.

Your lips twitch in a faint, humorless smile. "I know that’s ironic coming from someone studying emotion regulation."

He finally says, softly, "Sometimes the people who study it hardest are the ones trying to figure it out for themselves."

That makes your eyes flick up. His expression is calm. Receptive. No judgment. No smile, either. Just… presence.

You look down again. Your voice even softer now. "I don’t know how to do it. Not really."

Jack doesn’t interrupt. Just shifts, barely, like bracing.

And somehow, that makes you keep going.

"Grad school’s easier. Career’s easier. I can plan. I can control. Everything else just…" You trail off. Shrug, a flicker of helplessness.

He’s still watching you. The way he does when he’s listening hard, like there’s a string between you and he’s waiting to see if you’ll keep tugging it.

"I thought maybe..." You press your lips together. "I thought I could do it. Let someone in. Be a person. A twenty-nine year old, for fuck's sake." Your hands come up to your face. "But it just reminded me why I don’t."

You draw a slow breath. Something in your chest cracks. Not a collapse—just a fault line giving way.

Jack just stares.

Then, slowly, he leans back—not away, but into the quiet. He folds his hands in his lap, thumb tracing a familiar line over his knuckle. A practitioner’s stillness. A kind of careful permission.

"You know," he says, voice low, "when I first started in trauma research, I thought if I understood it well enough, I could outsmart it. Like if I had the right frameworks, if I mapped the pathways right, it wouldn’t touch me."

You glance up.

He exhales through his nose—dry, but not bitter. "Turns out, knowing the symptoms doesn’t stop you from living them. Doesn’t stop the body from remembering."

He doesn’t specify. Doesn’t have to.

His eyes flick to yours. "But you don’t have to be fluent in trust to start learning it. You don’t have to be good at it yet. You just have to let someone sit with you in the silence."

You study him. The sharpness of his jaw, the quiet behind his glasses, the wear in his voice that doesn’t make it weaker.

Your throat tightens, but you don’t speak.

He doesn’t need you to.

He just stays there—anchored. Steady. Unmoving.

Like he's not waiting for you to come undone.

He's waiting for you to believe you don’t have to.

It's Friday night. You’re walking a participant through the start of a lab assessment—part of the longitudinal stress and memory protocol you’ve spent the last year fine-tuning. The task itself is simple enough: a series of conditioned images, paired with soft tones. But you watch the participant's pulse rise on the screen. Notice the minute shift in posture, the tension in their jaw.

You pause. Slow things down.

"Remember," you say gently, "we’re looking at how your body responds when it doesn’t need to anymore. The point isn’t to trick you—it’s to see what happens when the threat isn’t real. When it’s safe."

The participant nods, still uneasy.

You don’t blame them.

Later, the metaphor clings to you like static from laundry fresh out of the dryer. Fear extinction: the process of unlearning what once kept you alive. Or something close to it.

You think of what Jack said. What he didn’t say. The silence he offered like a landing strip.

It replays in your head more than you'd like to admit—the dim warmth of his office, the soft click of your laptop closing, the unexpected steadiness in his voice. No clinical jargon. No agenda. Just space. Permission.

You remember the way he folded his hands. The faint scuff on the corner of his desk. The way he didn’t fill the air with reassurances or advice. Just stayed quiet until the quiet felt less like drowning and more like floating.

And it had made something in your chest stutter—because you'd spent years studying fear responses, coding reactivity curves and salience windows, mapping out prediction error pathways and understanding affect labeling.

But none of your models accounted for the way someone simply sitting with you could ease the grip of it.

Maybe, you think now, as you log the participant's final response, this is what fear extinction looks like outside of a lab setting. Not just reducing reactivity to a blue square or a sharp tone.

But learning—relearning—how it feels to let another person in and survive it.

Maybe Jack wasn’t offering a solution.

Maybe he was offering proof.

Is this what it looked like in practice? Not just in a scanner or a skin conductance chart—but in the quiet, everyday choice of showing up? Staying? 

Perhaps the data is secondary and this is the experiment.

And maybe, just maybe, you’re already in the middle of it.

The new semester begins in a blur of syllabi updates and shuffled office assignments. It's your final year before internship—a fact that looms and hums in the background like a lamp you can't turn off. You’re no longer the quiet, watchful second-year—you’ve published, you've taught, you've survived.

But you’re also exhausted. You’ve become adept at wearing competence like armor.

Jack is teaching an elective course this semester—Epigenetics of Trauma. You're enrolled in it—a course you didn’t technically need, but couldn’t resist for reasons you cared not to admit. 

When you pass him in the hallway—coffee in one hand, a paper balanced on his clipboard—he stops.

"Did you hear the department finally updated the HVAC?" he asks, and it’s not really about the HVAC.

You nod, a wry smile tugging at your mouth. "Barely. Still feels like a sauna most days."

Jack gestures to your cardigan. "And yet you persist."

You grin. It’s a tiny thing. But it stays.

Later that week, he pokes his head into your office between student meetings.

"You’re on the panel for the trauma symposium, right?"

The one you were flying to at the end of October—thanks to Robby, who had playfully threatened to submit your name himself if you didn’t volunteer. He’d needed someone to piggyback off of, he’d said, and who better than his best grad student—who was also swamped with grant deadlines, dissertation chapters, and a growing list of internship applications. You’d rolled your eyes and said yes, of course, because that’s what you did. And maybe because a part of you liked the challenge, academic mascochism and validation and all. 

You nod. "Talk and discussion."

He steps farther in. "If you’re open to it—I’d like to sit in."

You glance up. "You’ve already read the draft."

Jack smiles. "Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to hear it out loud."

You lean back slightly, watching him. "You going to grill me from the audience and be that one guy?"

Jack raises an eyebrow, amused. "Wouldn’t dream of it."

You hum. "Mmhm."

But you’re smiling now. Just a little.

It’s not quite vulnerability. Not yet. But it’s a beginning. A reset. The next slow iteration in a long series of exposures. New responses. New learning. Acceptance in the face of uncertainty.

The only way fear ever learns to quiet down.

Robby’s already three beers in and trying to argue that Good Will Hunting is actually a terrible representation of therapy while Mel King—your cohort-mate in the developmental area, always mindful and reserved—defends its emotional core like it’s a thesis chapter she’s still revising in her head.

Mentored by John Shen, Mel studies peer rejection and emotional socialization in early childhood, and she talks about toddlers with the same reverence some people reserve for philosophers. Her dissertation focuses on how early experiences of exclusion and inclusion shape later prosocial behavior, and she can recite every milestone in the Denver Developmental Screening Test like scripture.

She’s known for respectful debates, non-caffeinated bursts of energy, and an uncanny ability to babysit and code data at the same time. The kind of person who shows up with a snack bag labeled for every child at a study visit—and still finds time to coordinate the department's annual "bring your child to work" day. She even makes time to join you and Samira on your Sunday morning farmers market walks, reusable tote slung over one shoulder, ready to talk about plum varieties and which stand has the best sourdough.

Samira Mohan, meanwhile, sits with her signature whiskey sour and a stack of color-coded notecards she pretends not to be working on. She’s in the clinical area too—mentored by Collins—and her work focuses on how minority stress intersects with emotion regulation in underserved populations. Her analyses are razor sharp and sometimes terrifying. Samira rarely speaks unless she knows her words will land precisely—measured, deliberate, the kind of sharp that cuts clean.

Although still in her early prospectus phase, choosing to propose in her fifth year rather than fourth, her dissertation is shaping into a cross-sectional and mixed-methods exploration of how racial and gender minority stressors compound across contexts—academic, familial, and romantic—and the specific emotion regulation repertoires that emerge as survival strategies.

Samira doesn’t stir the pot for fun; she does it when she sees complacency and feels compelled to light a fire under it. That’s the Samira everyone knows and you love—the one who will quietly dismantle your entire line of argument with one clinical observation and a deadpan stare. She does exactly that now, throwing in a quote from bell hooks with the sly smile of someone who knows she’s lit a fuse just to watch it burn. 

It’s a blur of overlapping conversations, familiar inside jokes, cheap spirits, and the particular cadence of a group that knows each other’s pressure points and proposal deadlines down to the day. For a moment you let yourself exist in it—in the din, in the messy affection of your academic family, in the safety you didn’t know you’d built, much less deserved. Samira’s halfway through a story about a disastrous clinical interview when she turns to you, parts her mouth to speak, and looks up behind you—

"So is this where all the cool kids hang out?"

You feel him before you see him—Jack’s presence like a low hum behind you, the soft waft of his cologne cutting through the ambient chatter. The light buzz of conversation has your senses dialed up, awareness prickling at the back of your neck. You don’t turn. You don’t have to.

Robby lets out a loud "whoohoo" as Jack joins the table, hauling him into a bro hug with the miraculously coordinated enthusiasm of someone riding high off departmental gossip. Jack rolls his eyes but doesn’t resist, letting Robby thump his back twice before extracting himself but instead of settling there, he leans down slightly, voice pitched just for you. “Is this seat taken?”

Robby at 12 o'clock, Heather to his left, then Samira, Mel, you, and John. The large circular table meant for twelve suddenly feels exponentially smaller. The tablecloth brushes your knees, heavy and starchy against your lap. You feel warmth creep up your cheeks—probably from the alcohol (definitely not from anything else)—and scoot over slightly closer to Mel, giving him room to squeeze in between you and John. You can feel the shift in the air, the proximity of his sleeve against yours, the silent knowledge that he's there now—anchored in your orbit.

He slides in beside you with a quiet murmur of thanks, the space between your arms barely more than a breath. The conversation continues, but the air feels a little different now.

He nods politely to Shen on his left, mutters something about being tricked into another committee, then glances your way—dry, amused, measured.

Always measured.

You feel Jack beside you—not just his sleeve brushing yours, but his presence, calm and dense as gravity. His knee bumps yours beneath the table once, lightly, maybe unintentional. Maybe not. The cologne still lingers faintly and you try to focus on what Samira is saying about peer-reviewed journals versus reviewer roulette, but it’s impossible to ignore the warmth radiating from his side, the way your skin registers it before your brain does. He's like a human crucible. You keep your gaze trained forward, sipping your drink a little too casually, pretending you don’t notice the way your heartbeat’s caught in your throat.

The charged air gives you a spike of bravery—fleeting, foolish, and just enough. Before you let the doubt creep into your veins, you nudge your knee toward Jack’s beneath the table, thankful for the tablecloth concealing the movement. You feel him exhale beside you—quiet, but unmistakable—and something inside you hums in response.

You feel Jack’s thigh tense against yours. The contact lingers, neither of you moving. Moments pass. Nothing happens.

So you cross your legs slowly, right over left, deliberately, letting the heel of your shoe graze his calf.

He stills.

The conversation around the table doesn’t pause, but you’re aware of every breath, every shift in weight beside you. The air between you tightens, stretched across the tension of everything unsaid.

Everyone else is occupied—Robby and Shen deep in conversation about conference logistics, Heather and Samira bickering over which of them was the worse TA, Mel nodding along and adding commentary between sips of cider. Jack sees the opening and seizes it.

He leans in, just slightly, until his shoulder brushes yours again—barely perceptible. "Subtle," he murmurs, voice pitched low, teasing.

You arch a brow, still facing forward. “I have no idea what you're talking.”

"Of course not," he says, dry. "Just sudden interest in the hem of the tablecloth, is it?"

You swirl your drink, letting the glass tilt in your fingers. "I’m a tactile learner. You know this."

He huffs a quiet breath—could almost be a laugh. "Must make data cleaning a thrilling experience."

"Only when R crashes mid-run." You angle your knee back toward his under the table, a soft bump like punctuation.

Jack tilts his head slightly, eyes flicking to yours. "Dangerous territory."

"Afraid of a little ambiguity, professor?"

His mouth twitches at the title. 

You sip slowly, buying time, letting the quiet between you stretch like a drawn breath. His thigh is still pressed against yours. Still unmoving. Still deliberate.

"You always like to push your luck this much?" you murmur, keeping your eyes trained on your drink.

Jack hums low. "Only when the risk feels... calculated."

You glance at him, the corner of your mouth twitching. "Bit of a reward sensitivity bias tonight, Dr. Abbot?"

He shrugs. "You’ve been unintentionally reinforcing bad behavior."

You smirk, but say nothing, letting the conversation around you swell again. Robby starts ranting about departmental politics, Heather counters with a story about a grant mix-up that almost ended in flames. You sip your drink, Samira taps her notecards absently against her palm.

The rest of the evening hums on, warm and loose around the edges. When it finally winds down—people slowly gathering coats, hugging their goodbyes—you rise with the group, still a little buzzed, still aware of Jack’s presence beside you like heat that never quite left your side.

Under the soft yellow glow of the dim lobby chandelier, everyone says their goodnights—laughing, tipsy, hugging, good vibes all around. Jack is the last to leave the circle, and as you turn toward the elevator, you glance over your shoulder at him. "See you tomorrow," you say. "Last day of the conference—only the most boring panels left."

Jack lifts a brow. "You wound me."

You grin. "I’m just saying—if you show up in sweats and a baseball cap for your presentation, I’ll pretend not to know you."

The elevator dings. The doors slide open. You step inside, leaning against the railing. Jack stays behind. 

"Goodnight," he says, eyes lingering. You nod, then turn, pressing the button for your floor. Just as the doors begin to glide shut, a hand slides into the narrow threshold—the border between hesitation and something else.

Palm flat against the seam. That sliver of metal and air.

He steps in slowly. Quiet. And presses the button for the same floor.

The doors slide shut behind him with a soft hiss.

Silence hums between you.

You don’t speak. Neither does he. But your awareness of each other sharpens—your breath shallow, his jaw tense. The elevator jolts into motion.

Jack shifts slightly, turning his body just enough to lean back against the railing—mirroring you. His arm grazes yours. Then the back of his hand brushes against your knuckles.

A spark—not metaphorical, not imagined—zips down your arm.

Neither of you pulls away.

You glance sideways.

He’s already looking at you.

Your eyes meet—held, quiet.

Not a word is exchanged. But something breaks—clean and sharp, like a snapped circuit. Long-simmering, unvoiced tension rising to the surface, clinging to the pause between heartbeats and motion-sensor lighting.

Jack leans in—not tentative, not teasing. Just close enough that his breath grazes your cheek. Your breath catches. His proximity feels like a fuse. He’s watching you—steady, unreadable. But you feel the pressure in the air shift, charged and thick.

"I don’t know what this is," you finally whisper. Your throat feels incredibly dry. A sharp juxtaposition to the state of your undergarments. 

Jack’s voice dips low. "I think we’ve both been trying not to look too closely."

Your chest tightens. His hand twitches by his side. Flexing. Gripping. Restraint unraveling. His breath shallows, matching yours—fast, hungry, starved of oxygen and logic. And then, like a spark to dry kindling, you thread your fingers through his.

Heat erupts between your palms, a jolt that hits your spine. You don’t flinch. You don’t pull away. You tighten your grip.

He exhales—shaky, like it’s cost him everything not to close the distance between your mouths. The electricity is unbearable, like a dam on the edge of collapse.

And still, neither of you move. Not quite yet.

But the air is thick with the promise: the next breach will not be small.

The elevator dings.

You both flinch—just barely.

The doors slide open.

You release his hand slowly, fingers slipping apart like sand through mesh, reluctant and slow but inevitable. Jack's hands stay in a slightly open grip. 

"I should..." you begin, breath catching. You clear your throat. "Goodnight, Jack."

Your voice is soft. Almost too soft.

Jack nods once. Doesn’t reach again. Doesn’t follow.

"Goodnight," he says. Low, warm. Weighted.

You step out. Don’t look back.

The doors begin to close.

You glance over your shoulder, once—just once.

Your eyes meet through the narrowing gap.

Then the doors seal shut, quiet as breath.

For now.

Contrary to Samira's reappraisal of you joining her for Friday night drinks, you begrudgingly allow her to drag you out of your cave. Just the two of you—girls’ night, no work talk allowed, and no saying "I need to work on my script" more than once. She makes you wear lip gloss and a top that could almost be considered reckless, and you down two tequila sodas before you even start to loosen your shoulders.

You’re halfway through your third drink when a pair of guys approaches—normal-looking, vaguely grad-school adjacent, maybe from public health or law school. Samira gives you a look that says seems safe enough, and you need this, and so you nod. You dance.

The one paired off with you is tall, not unpleasant. He asks before he touches you—his hand at your waist, then your hip, then lightly over your ribs. You nod, give consent. He smells like good cologne and something sugary, and he’s saying all the right things.

But something feels wrong.

You realize it halfway through the song, when his hand brushes the curve of your waist again, gentle and careful and... wrong. Too polite. Too other.

You think of the way Jack’s fingers had curled between yours. The heat of his palm against yours for a single minute in the elevator. The way he hadn’t touched you anywhere else—but it had felt like everything.

You close your eyes, trying to ground yourself. But you can’t stop comparing.

You’ve danced with this stranger for five whole minutes, and it hasn’t come close to the electricity of the sixty seconds you spent not speaking, not kissing, not touching anything else in the elevator with Jack.

It shouldn’t mean anything but it means everything. 

You step back, thanking the guy politely, claiming a bathroom break. He nods, not pushy, already scanning the room.

Samira follows a song change later. "You okay?"

You nod. Then shake your head. Then say, "I think I might be fucked."

Samira just hands you a tissue, already knowing. She looks understanding. Like she sees it, too—and she's not going to mock you for it.

"Yep," she says gently while fixing a stray baby hair by your ear. "Saw it the second Jack joined us for drinks that night." 

The night air feels cooler after the club, like the city is exhaling with you. You and Samira walk back toward the rideshare pickup, her arm looped loosely through yours.

You don’t say anything for a long moment. She doesn’t push.

"I don’t even know what it is," you murmur eventually. "I just know when that guy touched me, it felt like wearing someone else’s coat. Warm, sure, but not mine."

Samira hums in agreement. "Jack feels like your coat?"

"No," you sigh. Then, after a beat, quieter, "He feels like the one thing I forgot I was cold without."

She doesn’t say anything. Not right away. Just squeezes your hand. "So what’re you gonna do about it?"

"Scream. Cry. Have a pre-doctoral crisis," you say flatly.

Samira snorts. "So… Tuesday." You bite back a smile, shoving her shoulder lightly but appreciating the comedic diffusion nonetheless.

She exhales through her nose, gentler now. "If it’s any consolation, I see the way he looks at you."

Your eyes flick toward her. She continues, tone still soft, sincere. "Not just that night during drinks, but during your flash talk. I’ve never seen him that… emotive. It was like he was mesmerized. And even back during seminar last year, when he was filling in for Robby? Same thing. I remember thinking, damn, he listens to her like she’s rewriting gravity."

You should feel elated. Giddy. Instead, you bury your face in your hands and emit a sound that can only be described as a dying pterodactyl emitting its final screech. "I hate my fucking life." 

"It's going to be okay!" Samira tries to hide her laughter but it comes through anyway, making you laugh through teary eyes. "You will be okay." 

You shake your head back and forth, trying to make yourself dizzy in hopes that this was all a dream. 

"Who was it that said 'boys are temporary, education is forever?'" Samira all-but-sang. 

"Do not quote me right now, Mira," you groan, dragging the syllables like they physically pain you. "I am but a husk with a degree-in-progress."

The week that follows is both everything and nothing. You go to class. You show up to lab meetings. You present clean analyses and nod through questions from the new cohort of freshmen. You even draft two paragraphs of your discussion section. One of three discussion sections. It looks like functioning.

Since submitting the last batch of internship applications, your dissertation committee meetings have gone from once a week with each member to once every three. You'd already run all of your main studies, had all the data cleaned and collated, and even coded all of the analyses you intended on running. Now all that was left was the actual writing and compiling of it all for a neat, hundred-or-so-page manuscript that no one would read. 

It’s your first meeting with Jack since flying back from the conference.

In all honesty, you hadn’t given it much thought. Compartmentalization had become a survival strategy, not a skill. It helped you meet deadlines, finish your talk, submit your final batch of internship applications—all while pretending nothing in that elevator happened. At least not in any way that mattered.

Now, seated outside his office with your laptop open and your third coffee in hand, you realize too late: you never really prepared for this part. The after.

You hear the door open behind you. A familiar cadence of steps—steady but slightly uneven. You know that gait.

"Hey," Jack says, as calm and neutral as ever. Like you didn’t almost combust into each other two weeks ago.

You glance up. Smile tight. "Hey."

"Come in?"

You nod. Stand. Follow him inside.

The office is the same as it’s always been—overcrowded with books, one stack threatening to collapse near the filing cabinet. You sit in your usual chair. He sits in his. The silence is comfortable. Professional.

It shouldn’t feel like a loss.

Jack taps a few keys on his laptop. "You sent your methods revisions?"

"Yesterday," you say. "Just a few small clarifications."

He hums. Nods. Clicks something open.

You sip your coffee. Pretend the sting behind your ribs is just caffeine.

The moment stretches.

He finally speaks. "You look… tired."

You smile, faint and crooked. “It’s November.”

Jack lets out a quiet laugh. Then scrolls through the document, silent again.

But the air between you feels thinner now. Like something’s missing. Or maybe like something’s waiting.

He reads.

You watch him.

Not just glance. Not just notice. Watch.

Your coffee cools in your hands, untouched.

He doesn't ask why you weren't at the symposium he moderated. Or if you were running on caffeine and nerves from recent deadlines. And definitely not why you booked an earlier flight home from the conference.

You search his face like it might hold an answer—though you’re not entirely sure what the question is. Something about the last two weeks. The way he hasn’t said anything. The way you haven’t either. The way both of you pretended, remarkably well, that everything was the same.

But Jack’s expression doesn’t change. Not noticeably. He just skims the screen, fingers occasionally tapping his trackpad. The glow from his monitor traces the line of his jaw.

Still, you keep looking. Like maybe if you study him hard enough, you’ll find a hint of something there.

A crack. A tell. A memory.

But he stays unreadable.

Professional.

And you hate that it hurts.

It eats at you.

Why does it hurt?

You knew better than to let this happen. To let it get this far. This was never supposed to be anything other than professional, clinical, tidy. But somewhere between all the late-night edits and long silences, the boundaries started to blur like ink in water. 

You tell yourself to turn it off. That part in your brain responsible for—this—whatever it was. Romantic projection, limerence, foolishness. You’d diagnose it in a heartbeat if it weren’t your own.

You just need to get through this meeting. This last academic year. Then you'd be somewhere far away for internship, and then graduated. That’s all.

Then you could go back to pretending you’re fine. That everything was okay.

The entire time you’d been staring—not at Jack, not directly—but just past his shoulder, toward the bookshelves. Not really seeing them. Just trying to breathe.

Jack had already finished reading through your edits. He read them last night, actually—when your email came through far too late. He’d learned to stay up past his usual bedtime about two weeks into joining your committee.

But he wasn’t just reading. Not now.

He was watching. Noticing the subtle shifts in your brow, the tension at the corners of your mouth. You didn’t look at him, but he didn’t need you to.

Jack studied people for a living. He’d made a career out of it.

And right now, he was studying you.

You snap yourself out of it. A light head bobble. A few quick blinks. A swallow. "All done?" you ask, voice dry. Almost nonchalant, like you hadn’t been staring through him trying to excavate meaning.

Jack lifts an eyebrow, subtle, but nods. "Yeah. Looks solid."

You nod back. Like it’s just another meeting. Like that’s all it ever was.

Then you close your laptop a little too quickly. "I think I’m gonna head out early, I don’t feel great," you offer, keeping your tone breezy, eyes still somewhere over his shoulder.

Jack doesn’t call you on it. Not outright.

But he watches you too long. Like he’s flipping through every frame of this scene in real time, and none of it quite adds up.

"Alright," he says finally. Even. Quiet. "Feel better."

You nod again, already halfway to the door.

You don’t look back.

"Hey—" Jack’s voice catches, right as the door swings shut.

Your hand freezes on the handle.

You hesitate.

But you don’t turn around.

Just one breath.

Then you keep walking.

You make it halfway down the hall before you realize your hands are shaking.

Not much. Barely. Just enough that when you fish your phone out of your coat pocket to check the time, your thumb slips twice before you unlock the screen.

He’d called your name.

And maybe that wouldn’t mean anything—shouldn’t mean anything—except Jack Abbot isn’t the type to call out without a reason. You’ve worked with him long enough to know that. Observed him enough in clinical and classroom settings. Hell, you’ve studied men like him—hyper-controlled, slow to show their hand. You’d written an entire paper on the paradox of behavioral inhibition in high-functioning trauma survivors and then realized, two weeks into seminar, that the paragraph on defensive withdrawal could’ve been subtitled See: Jack Abbot, Case Study #1.

You’d meant to file that away and forget it.

You haven’t forgotten it.

And now you're walking fast, maybe too fast, through the undergrad psych wing like the answer might be waiting for you in your lab inbox or the fluorescence of your office.

You don’t stop until you’re behind a locked door with your laptop powered off and your hands braced on either side of your desk.

You breathe.

In through your nose. Out through your mouth.

Again.

Again.

Still—when you close your eyes, you see the look on his face.

That same unreadable stillness.

Like he wanted to say something else.

Like he knew something else. And maybe—maybe—you did too.

[leo-in-the-pitt]

Look Out For Her

This is Chapter 1 of the Beginning to End series !

Summary: 4 years later and your almost done with residency. But it feels like your relationship with Jack may be coming to an end too. That is until you’re hurt and he has to come to your rescue, that he reveals his true feelings for you.

Warnings: Established relationship, implied age gap, strong language, sexual assault, mentions of alcohol, possessiveness, mostly fluff

This is a Chapter 1! 2 more already posted !! 3rd in the works !

———————————————————————

You were 9 months into your 4th and final year of ER residency. 3 more months to go. Somehow still learning the ropes of being cheif resident. It wasn’t easy to have the respect of your fellow co-residents and interns when you were in a relationship with Dr. Jack Abbott, an ER attending but, he made it worth it. Most of the time at least.

Getting to this point in your relationship wasn’t always easy in anyway. What started as hook ups, turned into arguements during every shift you worked together until you cut it off. But when 3rd year came around, you guys got close again, he let you in and you let him in.

One year and eight months. In your mind, this was the start of forever. At least that’s what you thought.

For the past month though, Abbotts been distant and you didn’t understand why. Picking up shifts on the days you were both off, date nights were becoming a rarity, bailing on nights out with your friends.

You moved in with him 6 months into the relationship. Everyone told you it was quick but, it felt like the right decision at the time.

You woke up early while he was still at work to go pick up breakfast from his favorite spot downtown. Got home made your famous homemade peanut butter cookies that he loved. Had his favorite movies lined up, ready to play. Even put on lingerie under your clothes, ready for whatever he wanted.

You heard keys in the door and were excited for him to see what was waiting for him.

There he was. Silver curls. Black scrubs. Go-bag over one shoulder. You could look at him forever.

“There’s my favorite guy.” You ran up to him to give him a hg and kiss.

He hugged you back but, swerved his head ever so slightly when you went in to kiss him.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Just had a long night. Not really in the mood for anything.”

“I planned out quite the morning for us.” You smiled at him.

“Think I’m just gonna go hop in the shower then head to bed for a little bit.” He started to walk away.

You quickly turned around to him. “Okay, no, what is your problem? Did I do something? Cause for the past month you’ve been acting cold. Blowing me off ever chance you get.”

He stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to face you. He looked pissed. You’d only ever seen him angry like that once during a stupid fight you guys had at the beginning of the relationship.

“You left your laptop open.”

“Okay and? I’m I supposed to know what that means?”

“Were you going to tell me that you have a bunch of interviews for attending jobs at other hospitals? Or were you just going to tell me you were leaving one day?”

“Jack everyone goes to multiple interviews. You literally did the same when you were in my position.”

“One of those is across the country.”, he paused, “Were you gonna pack up and fly over there without telling me?”

“Thought maybe you could come with me and we could make a trip out of it actually.”

He put his head in his hands. “Do you want to leave?” His voice cracked.

“What? Why would I want to leave you Jack? I literally have an interview with Robby in 2 weeks for a spot here. I’m just trying to see what else is out there too.”

“But you have everything you could need right here! Why do you wanna give it all up!He raised his voice at you.”

You took a step back.

“Don’t yell at me.” You felt your breathing become faster, chest heavy.

“Why would you not tell me? This is something we should be talking about together. This isn’t just about you.”

“And it’s not just about you. It’s my future Jack. My career we’re talking about.” You said sternly.

“So where do I fit into that future then?”

You didn’t know how to answer. “You know I love you.”

“I sense a but coming here.”

You took a deep breath. “But there’s an emergency medicine research fellowship in California. They’re really interested in me Jack. Like really interested.”

“Sounds like you made up your mind already.” He walked away and went into the bedroom.

“Jack please. I didn’t say yes to anything yet. I still have to go over there and meet with them. I might end up hating it.”

He was throwing clothes into his go-bag. You grabbed his arm and he swiftly pulled away.

“So that’s it? You’re just going to leave? Where are you even going?”

He held both hands up in the air. “I just need some air.”

“When are you coming back?”

“I don’t know. I- I just can’t do this with you right now.”

“So if not now, then when. Jack. Come on we talked about this. Never leave mad at each other.”

“I’m not mad.”, he looked down at you, “Just disappointed.”

He grabbed his bag and walked out of the room. You felt the tears start to run down your face.

“Jack please.” You begged.

You heard him pick his keys up off the table and door slam closed behind him.

You broke. Tears streaming down your face. You sat on the edge of the bed, head in hands. Your reached into your pocket for your phone and tried to call him.

Once. Twice. Three times with no answer. Straight to voicemail.

You laid in bed, crying. Eyes already swelling. After went felt like an eternity, you fell asleep.

You woke to the sound of a text message.

Please be Jack.

It wasn’t. Just Langdon.

He knew you were planning Jacks favorites for the morning and wanted to know how it went. You typed out as much of what just happened as you could. He called immediately.

He could hear you crying again.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay.”

“Frank, I- I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where he went. He turned his location off. He won’t answer my calls or texts. I just wanna know that he’s okay.” You voice broke as you tried to get the words out.

“Hey look I’m just gonna come over okay?” Gimme like 20 minutes, I’ll be right there. Please just hold on.”

“Okay.” He hung up.

You got out of bed and threw on one of Jacks sweaters. Beers of the Burgh. Him and Robby went together every year. You hated beer so you never went, just let them have their special guy time.

You went into the bathroom and saw how bloodshot your eyes had become. Splashed some water on your face and went into the living room.

Almost exactly 20 minutes later. A knock on your front door. Langdon.

You opened the door.

“Hey kid.” He always called you could since the first day you met even though he was only 4 years older.

Tears again. You almost fell to the floor. He caught you and lifted you up.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I got you.”

He walked you into the kitchen, had you sit at one of the bar stools and went to get you a glass of water. He knew his way around. Afterall he did help you move in and came over often for movie nights when Jack was at work.

You spent the next hour trying to explain what happened. Talking. Crying. He listened to it all.

“Have you tried to call him again?”

You sniffled. “No, if he doesn’t want to talk to me, I can’t make him.”

“He has to come back eventually you know?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” You wiped your eyes onto your sleeve.

“Hey, me and some of the others from work were gonna go out later for some drinks downtown. Probably do some bar hopping. Maybe you should come? Get your mind off of things for a little bit?”

“What if he comes back and I’m not here?”

“Maybe that’d be for the best. Think you both need some time to cool off.”

You agreed. “Yeah sure why the hell not. He never wants to come out with me anyway.”

“Alright, go get ready then.”

“It’s early.”

“Its 5:30 and you definitely take forever to get ready. Plus you gotta unpuff your eyes.”

You quickly turned to the clock on the kitchen wall. Shit, how long were you asleep for? How long was he gone for?

“Okay alright then. Are you gonna stay here?”

“Yeah I’ll just watch some tv or something while you get ready. I’ll drive us.”

You went into the bedroom, scavenging the closet for something to wear. Red dress. Jack picked it out one day when you two were at the mall a couple months ago. You hadn’t worn it yet. You were waiting until he finally decided to go out-out with you. Which obviously never came.

You grabbed the dress, his favorite matching bra and pantie set and went to shower. There was a part of you that wanted him to come home to see you. But at the same time you just wanted to forget about all that happened just a few hours earlier.

Out the shower. Quickly dried your hair. Threw some light curls in it. Jacks favorite hairstyle on you. You didn’t like makeup but, put some mascara and lipgloss on anyway.

You walked into the bedroom to grab your little black heels. And walked back out into the kitchen.

Langdon was laying on your couch on his phone.

“Ugh, told you you were gonna take forever. It’s time to go, everyone’s of there way to the first place.” He sat up and turned around. “Damn kid, you clean up nice.”

“Well thanks Frank.” You gave him a side eye.

“You hoping to run into him tonight or something?”

“I- don’t know, it’s just that he picked this outfit out so, I don’t know maybe I guess.”

It’s almost as if Jack knew you were talking about him. Keys jingled in the door. It’s him.

He opened the door to see you standing there in the dress he picked out.

You both stared at each other while Langdon looked back and forth, unsure if he should leave you two alone.

“You look good. Really good.” He scanned you top to bottom.

Your heart was about to jump out of your chest. “Thanks.”

You turned towards Langdon, “We gotta go.”

“Yeah sure.” He jumped up and walked towards the door. He stopped in front of Jack.

“Gimme a second with her.”

Langdon shook his head and walked passed Jack and out into the hallway.

“Can we talk?”

“Now’s clearly not the time.” You walked into the bedroom, grabbed his sweater off the bed and walked out. “I have places to be.”

“Where exactly are you going anyway?”

“Why does it matter to you? I didn’t know where you were all damn day.”

“I was at the park. The park I asked you to be my girlfriend in.”

“You just sat there in your scrubs all day?”

He looked down at his clothes. “I’m actually going back in tonight for a shift.”

You scoffed. “Typical. Anything to avoid me huh?”

“I’m here now, aren’t I? I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m clearly not Jack. Please just let me through.”

“Just be safe. Okay?” He stepped out of the doorway and out of your way.

“Always.” And you left.

Langdon was waiting in the hall for you. You walked right passed him.

“Hey.” He stopped Langdon. “Thank you for taking care of her.”

“I shouldn’t have to.” And with that you were both on your way.

At the first bar you met up with other coworkers. Nurses, coresidents, EMTs. And apparently more people were on the way.

“Didn’t realize how many people were coming tonight?” You yelled over the music.

“Yeah me either.” Shrugged Langdon.

After the first 2 drinks and tequila shot, you realized you had ate all day. And you can’t handle your liquor.

You sat alone at the bar sipping water, looking down at your phone lock screen. A picture of you and Jack at a concert together, happy. He wasn’t into live music but, if it were for you, he’d listen to anything.

“Boyfriend couldn’t make it?”said the bartender nodding down at your phone.

“Yeah something like that.”

“That’s his problem. You look good.”

You smiled. Langdon came up behind you.

“Hey we’re heading across the street. Heard it’s 90s music night over there.”

You got up and went with the group. Thought you’d feel better by now. That you’d be able to distract yourself by talking to everyone, drinking, and listening to the music while dancing. It wasn’t working well.

Here you had 2 more drinks. 2 more shots.

Onto the next bar.

By this time, well over a a dozen people were apart of the group.

Fourth bar. More drinks. More shots. And you could feel it. But the more you drank the more you thought about him.

You went to sit at the bar alone. You checked you phone to see that he turned his location back on. The hospital, of course.

One the nurses came up to you. “Come on girl! Let’s go dance!”

“Yeah I’ll be right there.”

No texts or calls from him.

You took a deep breath and another sip of water. As you got up, you saw a guy watching you from the corner of the room. He winked and nodded his head at you. You politely smiled and went to your friends.

No matter what, Jack wouldn’t leave your mind.

There he was. The guy watching you across the room.

“Hey baby, looking good tonight.”

“Haha, thanks.” You were uncomfortable with how close he was to your face but didn’t want any problems.

“You got a man?”

“Yeah I do a actually.”

He scanned the room. “Guess he’s not here tonight huh?”

“He couldn’t make it. Working.”

“Well that’s his loss.”

Langdon spotted you across the dance floor.

“Hey, you gotta go see Donnie playing darts. It’s crazy!”

“Yeah sure.” You turned to the stranger and half waved goodbye.

“See you later.” He winked at you.

“Who the hell was that?”

“No idea.”

“Come on, stay close.”

“What about the darts?”

“They don’t even have darts here.”

It was now 1AM. You head pounding. Each room spinning. One last bar. One more drink. You lost count.

“Come on, one more tequila shot girl!”

“Yeah sure whatever.” You took it hoping the alcohol would down the feelings out of you.

Everyone was dancing, having a good time. You just wanted to be in Jacks arms, in your bed, in the apartment you had shared for over a year.

You looked over at a couple of your friends. “I’ll be right back.” Those who heard you nodded their heads.

You went outside. Alone. Still carrying Jack’s sweater, you decided to put it on. Not zipping it up but, just wrapping it around your body. You stood up against the wall on the side of the bar. Out of view.

Took out your phone. Stared. And finally dialed Jack’s number. No answer. Try one more time. Nothing.

But the thrid time you left a voicemail.

“Jack, it’s me. Um you probably knew that already, you know caller ID and everything. B-but,” your words one slipping into another, “I think I just want to say I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you about leaving. I’m stupid I know. But I love you. I always have. I- always will. I don’t want to leave you. Ever. You’re it for me Jack Abbott. I don’t want anyone else, or anything else. You’re the person I’ve been looking for my whole life. You make me a better person. I want you forever. Please just pick up the god damn phone. I need to hear your voice,”

You heard the bar door open behind you. The music rushed out into the street before becoming quiet again.

The stranger. Back again.

“Hey you get lost out here?”

“Jack I gotta go, I’ll see you soon.” You hung up.

“Not lost, just needed some air.”

“Yeah, yeah. It can get so hot in there.” He stepped closer to your body. “You know when I said you looked good tonight, baby I meant it.” He licked his lips.

“Thanks again.” You tried to step around him to go back inside.

He blocked you.

“Where you rushing off to? Not like your man is here to take care of you.”

“I gotta get back to my friends.”

“It’s okay I can take care of you out here.” He wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you closer to him.

Your body now pressed against his. Heart pounding in your ears. He grabbed your waist with his other had before reaching down to cup your ass.

You tried to pull away. But his grip was tight. He pushed you against the cold brick wall, pinning you body with his. One hand on your waist. The other holding your arm against the wall. Scraping the skin on the back of your arm right off.

He leaned down into your ear. “Come on sweetheart. I can treat you better then he can.” His hand sliding to meet the bottom of that red dress. “I’ll show you want a real man looks like.” You felt his cold hand on your thigh.

This can’t be happening. Not like this. Not right in front of the bar. Where is everybody? Langdon? Oh god, where’s Jack?

All the thoughts ran through your head.

He leaned in and his lips touched yours. Youpulled your head all the way to the side.

“Damn sweetheart, wanna play hard to get I see. I can play along with that.”

He let go of your arm. He started to reach for your neck.

You pushed him. Hard. He stumbled back.

“You dumb bitch. You’re gonna have to pay for that.” He took a step towards you.

Pain. Throbbing pain was the next thing you remembered. Then blood. Yours? Or his?

Both.

You punched him. Right in the face.

You used to kickbox not long ago. Guess you still remember how to swing.

“Fucking bitch.”

You screamed. Loud. Loud enough for the security guards to hear you inside the bar. They came running around the corner.

Blood was pouring out of his crooked nose. Blood dripping down your arm from your knuckles.

One security guard grabbed him. “Guess you met you match huh? Come on, got some cops that are gonna love your ass.” He took him away.

“You alright? Come on let’s get you inside and get that cleaned up.” He walked you inside.

———————————————————————

Jack got your voicemail. Almost right after you hung up. He tried to call you back. No answer.

So he called Langdon, who was still inside the bar.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Langdon was drunk.

“Dude I can smell the alcohol on your breath from here.”

“Yeah well you should be here! It’s a great time!”

“Where is she?”

“You gotta be more specific broo”

“My girlfriend. You know the one you’re supposed to be looking out for. She called me. Left a voicemail actually. Sounded like she was talking to someone. Then hung up. Where is she?”

Langdon scanned the room. “Uh I don’t know man.”

“Can you go find her please? She sounded drunk , almost as drunk as you. I’m worried. She doesn’t handle her liquor well.”

“Yeah man, I gotchu, I’ll go find her.”

“Alright call me when you find her. I wanna talk to her.”

“Aye aye captain.”

And Langdon hung up.

He walked around the room. Asking anyone and everyone if they had seen you. No one knew where you went.

That was until you walked back in with security.

———————————————————————

Everyone immediately saw you.

Red dress with blood down the side. Blood running down your forearm. Knuckles bruised and swollen already.

You heard a murmur of “what the fucks” and “oh shits”

Langdon came running over almost immediately sobering him up seeing you like that.

“What the fuck happened?!” He reached to grab your blooded fist.

You winced in pain. Mascara running down you face. “The guy from the other bar.” Yo could barely get the words out.

He looked over your shoulder and saw the guy standing outside with security and blood running down his face.

“Oh I’m gonna go kick his ass!” He tried to get passed you.

“No, no, Langdon, stop, the police are already coming.”

“I don’t give a fuck, I’m gonna break his nose some more.”

“Please, just go get me some ice.”

“What’d he do to you?”

“Ice, Frank, please.”

He went up to the bar for your ice. You could see the police lights shining through the window.

3 police cars. 6 police officers.

You told everyone to stay inside while you went to talk to them. Langdon begged to go with you so you gave in and let him.

At this point, the guy was already sitting in the back of one of their cars. Hands cuffed behind his back.

You told them exactly what happened as you held the ice pack against your knuckles.

Langdons eyes teared up hearing what happened. He was supposed to protect you.

“You wanna press charges?” said one of the officers.

“Of fucking course she does.” Said Langdon.

“I need to hear it from her.”

You shook your head yes.

“You can either come to the station now. Or you can come in the morning.”

“What she needs is to go to the hospital. The hand is broken. Definitely in multiple places.”

“No, it’s not, I’m fine.”

“I’m literally a doctor, how are you gonna tell me it’s not broken? Have you not looked at your own hand?”

You took the ice off. Your hand was basically twice its original size. Fuck. He was right.

“Well that guy wants to go to the hospital too. Can’t take y’all to the same place so where you wanna go so we can send him somewhere else?”

“Can you take me to Pittsburgh Trauma?”

“Yeah let’s go.” You gestured to the police cruiser and opened up the door for you.

“Can I come with?” Langdon asked him.

“Absolutely not. Get a ride or call an Uber. You’re drunk. Drive yourself and I’ll have you arrested.”

“I’ll be right there, okay? I promise you.”

He went back inside the bar.

———————————————————————

All you could think about on the ride there was Jack. How he had to see you like this.

You finally checked your cellphone.

5 unread texts messages. 7 missed phone calls. And one voicemail. All from him.

You presssed play.

“Hey, it’s me. I know you probably don’t wanna hear from me right now and even if you do it’s just the alcohol talking. But look, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way that I did. I guess I’m just scared. I don’t want you to go. I can’t afford to lose you. Of course I want you to pursue whatever career opportunities you want, but I don’t think I can live without you. You make me want to be a better man. You make everyone around here better. I love you. I want to spend my life with you. I want to marry you. Have a family with you. All here, all in Pittsburgh. I want whatever you’ll give me. I- I just need you to stay. Please. Look I gotta get back to work but call me back when you get this okay? Love you babygirl. See you soon.”

You didn’t know if your tears where from the throbbing pain shooting down your arm or from his words.

You got to the ambulance bay. You swung your legs out of the car. Feet killing you from the heels. The officer helped you out of the car and walked you inside barefoot.

One of your coresidents spotted you.

“What the fuck? Do I even want to know what happened here?”

“Get Jack, please.” You said practically begging.

You waited for what felt like an eternity from him to find Jack in a patients room.

“This better be important. I was in the middle of something.” Jack snapped his off gloves into the trash.

He looked up and his eyes caught yours.

“What the fu-“ he ran over to you.

He grabbed your arm as you winced and pulled back in pain.

“Babygirl what happened to you?” He leaned down to look into your eyes.

You broke. Immediately tears poured down your face.

“Come here, come here. I got you, you’re alright. No ones gonna hurt you. You’re safe with me here.”

He held you in his arms while caressing your hair. The smell of alcohol of your breath obvious. “Come on, let’s go.” He wrapped his arm around you and walked you into a room and sat you down on the bed.

Your coresident ran to get all the supplies needed to clean and bandage you up.

“Get the hell out. I got this. Close the door of your way out.”

It was now just the two of you. Alone.

“Babygirl I’m so sorry. I should’ve been there with you. I shouldn’t have let you go.”

He started to clean the now dry blood off of you.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Do you wanna tell me how this happened?”

So you told him all of it. Every single detail.

“I’m gonna find that motherfucker, I swear to god. I’m gonna break his fucking kneecaps.”

“Jack, calm down.”

“No, he hurt you. I’m gonna hurt him.”

“His nose is already broken Jack.”

“I don’t give a fuck. He’s gonna get way worse than that from me.”

“Jack.” He kept cleaning your hand.

“Jack look at me.”

He slowly lifted his head until his eyes met yours.

“I’m gonna press charges. Whichever ones I can. I want them all.”

There was a knock of the door. One of the favorite night shift nurses.

“Hey sweetie brought you a fresh pair of scrubs and our finest grippy socks. X-rays ready for you. Just come out to the hall when your ready darling.”

“Thank you.”

“You need me to help you?”

“I can get dressed myself. You have other patients anyway.”

“Those patients don’t matter to me. You’re the only one I care about here.”

“Can I just have a minute alone Jack?”

He left you to change.you looked at your fist for the first time since you got to the hospital. Looked slightly better without all the blood.

You went into the hall and the nurse walked you down to xray as Jack waited by your room. Thank god the pain meds kicked in with the alcohol because you could barely open your hand.

As you walked back, you heard yelling.

“You were supposed to be fucking watching her! Not getting filthy fucking drunk and letting her wonder off alone!” Jack was throwing his hands in the air.

Langdon stepped up to his face. “I shouldn’t have to watch her for you. You’re here fucking boyfriend. You should’ve been there yourself. Or better yet, she should’ve wanted to stay at home with you!”

“You think you can judge my relationship? Last time I checked I’m not the one in the middle of a divorce and custody battle.”

“Jack!” You yelled down the hall. “Don’t.”

You walked over and pushed him into your room.

“Frank, I don’t blame you for any of this. I need you to know that.”

“No, he’s right, I should’ve been keeping my eyes on you. This shouldn’t have happened.”

“But it did happen. I’m okay. Or at least I will be. I’m not a kid, you don’t need to keep me on a leash. I shouldn’t have gone out there alone. No ones here to blame except the man who did this okay?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.” You hugged him and walked back into your room.

Jack was pacing back and forth.

“I’m okay Jack. You can calm down.”

Another knock on the door. “X-rays are up.”

He walked over to the computer to open them up.

“What do you see?”

“Boxers fracture.” You pointed to the obvious gap between your bones.

“Gotta go get ortho to come set it in place.”

“Can you just do it?”

“I’ve hurt you enough tonight.”

He left and came back with an ortho resident who reset your hand and put it in a brace. “Gonna need another xray in 3 weeks to see how it’s healing. In the meantime just rest, ice and elevate. You got a lot of swelling so take it easy please.”

Just you and Jack alone again.

“Jack can we talk about what you said?”

“Which part?”

“On the phone. Your voicemail.”

He knew exactly which part you were referring to but, wanted you to say it.

“The part where I said I want you to stay?”

You shook your head no.

“Then which part?”

“The part where you said you that you want to marry me. Have kids with me. Build a life with me here.”

“I meant it all. Every last part.”

“I’m not leaving. I’m going to cancel all the other interviews. I wanna stay here. With you.”

“You don’t need to do that for me. This is your career we’re talking about here. You can’t give up these opportunities. They won’t come around again.”

“I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for us. Jack you’re more important than some job. This all means a lot to me but, it won’t mean anything if I can’t come home to you every night for the rest of my life.”

He leaned in a kissed you passionately. He pulled away and looked softly into your eyes.

“So Jack Abbott wants to marry me huh?” You said jokingly.

“Don’t worry I’m not gonna pull out a ring right now or anything. You gotta finish your residency first babygirl.”

“Well now I’ll be expecting a ring the day after I’m done.”

“Guess I better start working on that. But for now let’s get you and that broken hand home.”

“Your shift isn’t over for another 3 hours?”

“They’re gonna cover for me. Gotta get my lady home.”

The drive home was pretty silent. He just put your favorite Radiohead album on for you. He helped you out of his truck and lead you upstairs.

He helped you pick out your favorite pajamas and you went to take another shower. Forgot you had been wearing his favorite matching set under the dress when you left. Thought the night would be ending differently for you two.

Of course you were glad that you were on good terms now. But when he put his hand on your back as you were leaving the hospital, you flinched. And he definitely noticed.

Once the booze started to wear off, you started to realize the extent of what happening to you tonight.

You cried again in the shower. Used the hot water to wash away your tears for you. Put some drops in your eyes to hide the redness.

You took a deep breath before walking out to him in the kitchen. He was holding up the breakfast bagel you bought him that morning.

“Didn’t even see that you bought these.”

“You could always just eat it now if you want. Think I’m just gonna head to bed if that’s alright.”

He open the fridge and put the bagel back inside. “Yeah let’s go. I’m just gonna jump in the shower real quick.”

You climbed into bed. Curled yourself into a ball, facing away from where he would be laying. You were holding back tears. You wanted to be strong for him. There’s was already so much going on in your lives. The last thing he needed was to be worried about you more than he already was.

You head the bathroom door open and his footsteps coming closer. You closed you eyes and preteded to be asleep.

He peeked over to see you. Eyes closed. You felt as he crawled quietly into the bed to face you.

“Hey I know you’re not sleeping. We’ve been in the same bed for over a year now. You never fall asleep that fast.”

You let out a cry.

“Hey, come here. What’s wrong?” He put his hand on your back and you squirmed away as fast as you possibly could.

“I-I’m sorry”, you whimpered out.

“Can you look at me?”

You wiped the tears flowing down your cheek and rolled over to face him.

“You wanna talk about it yet?” He knew there was more going through your mind.

You shook your head. “I need you to hold me. Bu-but I’m scared for you to touch me. It’s not you, I- I don’t know what wrong with me right now. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. None of this is your fault, okay?”

You sat up, “Can you just put your arm out?”

“Like this?” He put right arm straight out.

You laid down so that his arm was between your head and shoulder.

“Wrap your arms around me, please Jack.”

He brought you as close as you could get to him. You cried into his chest.

“I got you, I got you. Nobody’s gonna hurt you ever again alright?”

You nodded and lifted you head up. He wiped away your tears.

“I love you so much babygirl. So much.”

“I love you too.” You laid back down into his chest.

Jack was wrong you could fall asleep fast. But only when you were in his arms.

Things were gonna be different from now on. Cause you ever trust anyone to put their hands on you again?

———————————————————————

Probably gonna end up making this a short series! Maybe just one more part! Let know what you guys think!

[familyabolisher]

I've walked past the Barbie branded selfie booth, sat through the reel of old commercials that precede the previews, and watched Margot Robbie learn to cry, and I’m still not sure what “doing the thing and subverting the thing,” which Greta Gerwig claimed as the achievement of Barbie in a recent New York Times Magazine profile, could possibly mean. This was the second Gerwig profile the magazine has run. I wrote the first one, in 2017, which in hindsight appears like a warning shot in a publicity campaign that has cemented Gerwig’s reputation as so charming and pure of heart that any choice (we used to call them compromises) she makes is justified, a priori, by her innocence. This is a strange position for an adult to occupy, especially when the two-hour piece of branded content she is currently promoting hinges on a character who discovers that her own innocence is the false product of a fallen world. But—spoiler alert!—the point of Barbie’s “hero’s journey” is less to reconcile Barbie to death than to reconcile the viewer to culture in the age of IP.

“Doing the thing and subverting the thing”: I haven’t finished working out the details, but I think the rough translation would be Getting rich and not feeling feel bad about it. (Or, for the viewer: Having a good time and not feeling bad about it.) One must labor under a rather reduced sense of the word “subvert” to be impressed with poking loving fun at product misfires such as Midge (the pregnant Barbie), Tanner (the dog who poops), and the Ken with the earring, especially given that the value of all these collectors’ items has, presumably, not decreased since the film opened. Barbie may feature a sassy tween sternly informing Robbie’s Stereotypical Barbie that the tiny-waisted top-heavy billion-dollar business she represents has made girls “feel bad” about themselves, but if anyone uttered the word “anorexia,” I missed it. (There was a reason Todd Haynes told the story of Karen Carpenter’s life and death with Barbies, and it wasn’t because an uncanny piece of molded plastic has the magical power to resolve the contradictions of girlhood and global capitalism.) There’s a bit about Robbie going back into a box in the Mattel boardroom, but Barbies aren’t made in an executive suite; they come from factories in China. On the one hand, it’s weird for a film about a real-world commodity to unfold wholly in the realm of ideas and feelings, but then again, that’s pretty much the definition of branding. Mattel doesn’t care if we buy Barbie dolls—they’re happy to put the word “Barbie” on sunglasses and T-shirts, or license clips from the movie for an ad for Google. OK, here’s my review: When Gerwig first visited Mattel HQ in October 2019, the company’s stock was trading at less than twelve dollars a share. Today the price is $21.40. 

Christine Smallwood, Who Was Barbie?

[popcornpoppypop]

Blood is Blood

Summary: You're one of the best attendings in The Pitt, Robby and Abbot trained you up themselves. When you find yourself in a tough spot and need someone to drive you home from an abortion, it had to be Robby.

Warnings: Abortion, vomit, blood, bad boyfriens

A/N: I have not had an abortion, I have had friends who had them and taken care of them after. That is mostly the information I used for this and some stories on reddit, I wanted to rely on patient experience rather than medical procedure and policy for this one.

You had only been an attending for a total of six months, and in that time, you had to help lead the hospital through a mass shooting, the idiot who let off fireworks in the trauma bay, listeria outbreaks 1 through 3, and train the new interns and med students. It had been a lot.

You had leaned on your fellow attendings, trying to learn how to be a leader and the one everyone turned to for everything. Dr. Abbot helped teach you that some people need to be pushed even if they look like they might crumble. Dr. Robby taught you how to make sure everyone was looked after. They both showed you how to carry the weight of every patient and staff member on your shoulders. You figured they would get as tense and tired as theirs were one day.

Robby and you had struck up a friendship and mentorship. It sometimes veered into something else, something neither of you had the confidence to name. Nothing more than flirty jokes and glances across the trauma bay. Besides, you had a boyfriend. Or a sort of boyfriend. You fucked a guy.

“Hey, you look like shit.” Robby smirked as you walked up to the hub desk. Your face pale, shoulders hunched, clearly dehydrated.

“Yeah. Not a great morning.” You sighed.

“You need to go home?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

“Haha. That’s so funny. I’ll be fine. Write me a prescription for Zofran and I’ll be fine.” You groaned as you sat down to start working on your morning paperwork.

“If you need Zofran, you need to go home. Maybe you got that flu that was going around, can’t have you getting patients sick.” Robby shook his head.

“It’s not the flu. I’m fine. Can you just leave it? I’m not in the mood.” You bit back.  Robby’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. You were never angry, not really and never with him or the staff. Hell, a med student vomited on your shoes and you still fussed over making sure they were okay.

“Alright. Don’t push yourself too hard.” He pointed and walked away.

You were grateful he hadn’t pushed it any further. You really didn’t know how to deal with your situation and Robby fussing wouldn’t make it better.

You managed your way through most of the shift, having to stop and sit a couple of times. Something Robby was keenly aware of. You were about to head into another room when your phone rang. Robby watched you take it, something that was also very abnormal for you. You had a strict policy with yourself about phone usage.

“What!? No. That’s not going to be possible.” You snapped. Robby watched as you got frantic with whoever was on the phone.

“F-fine. I’ll figure something out I guess. Yeah, keep the appointment.” You hung up the phone and shoved it back in your pocket as you stomped off to the next room.

“Hey, Dana, what’s going on with her?” Robby leaned over the counter. Dana looked up at him, glasses perched on the end of her nose, then to you and back to him with a confused look.

“How the hell should I know? You two are besties, surely if she wanted anyone here to know, you’d be the first.” She shrugged.

“She’s off today.” Robby wrung his hands together.

“She’s doing fine. You’re just nosey.” Dana laughed. Robby waved her off as he watched you scurry from room to room.

You were grateful when you saw Dr. Shen walk in. You were ready for the day to be over, you were ready before you got out of bed that morning.

“John, I am so glad to see you.” You sighed as you walked up to him.

“It’s nice to be needed.” He smiled as he sipped his coffee. You rolled your eyes as you began to rattle off your cases to him.

“You’re lucky you get Y/N as your number two. Shen still hasn’t found his drive yet. Not sure what I’m going to have to do for that kid to get motivated.” Abbot shook his head.

“Has she seemed off to you lately?” Robby asked as he watched you and Dr. Shen talk.

“No. But we only work together once a week. Why? Something up? You think she’s breaking” Jack leaned in with a concerned look.

“I don’t know. Dana thinks I’m being nosey. I don’t know. I’ll keep an eye on it.” Robby shrugged as he hiked his backpack on his shoulder. He ran to catch up with you as you left.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay? You seemed upset today.” Robby dug through his backpack.

“Just…don’t feel well.” You said, you could feel the emotion catching in your throat. Your body knew when the day was over and would start to make the wall of professionalism crumble.

“You need anything?” He asked as he handed you a protein bar. You often forgot to eat until you got home. He’d caught you when you passed out from low blood sugar once. He tried to shove protein bars at you every couple of hours.

You took it and flipped it around in your hands. You’re mind was racing, too much happening. You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

“I…”

“Hey, you two coming to the park? I got those seltzer things you like Y/N.” Donnie smiled.

“I can’t.” You blurted out in a way that made the two men look at you confused. “I’m not feeling well.” You cleared your throat. Donnie nodded and walked off.

“You need me to walk you home? Where’s that boy you’re with anyway? He usually drives you home.” Robby looked around the street.

“We…broke up.” Your voice cracking.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Robby suddenly felt like an ass. “Come on. I’ll walk you home.” He said, guiding you by the shoulder.

You walked in silence for a while. Robby keeping on eye on you, watching as a thousand thoughts flashed across your face. He wanted to stop and ask what the hell was going through your head but didn’t want to impose. He walked you to the front door of your apartment and was going to start his goodbyes when you grabbed his hand and pulled him into the apartment.

“Whoa, what the hell Y/N?” Robby stumbled into the apartment, nearly face-planting with the force you pulled him.

“Sorry! I just, I need something and I couldn’t ask while people were around and it’s already going to be hard for me to ask and I just feel myself losing the nerve.” Your words falling out of your mouth in a rush of anxiety and desperation.

“Hey, it’s okay. Take a breath. What’s going on?” Robby put his hands on your shoulders.

“I need to ask you a favor.” You bit at your bottom lip, tasting the copper as it started to bleed. You lead Robby into the living room, gesturing for him to sit. He obliged, though his confusion hadn’t lightened.

“Are you in trouble?” Robby ran his hands up and down his legs as his anxiety started to rise.

“No. Well, yes.” You sighed. “Okay, I need you to let me just get all of the information out and then you can ask questions.” You looked at him with big, scared eyes.

“Okay, I’ll be quiet.” He agreed, his brows furrowed still.

“I found out three days ago that I’m pregnant. I didn’t notice any symptoms for so long, most of the ones I did kind of notice I chalked up to stress. When I finally went into my GP to try and get something for my acid reflux, she told me that I was pregnant. Went to the OB, she confirmed it. Problem is, I’m 12 weeks, or I guess closer to 13 now. Anyway, I don’t want to be pregnant and I sure as hell don’t have the time for a damn baby. I got set up for an abortion appointment next Wednesday. Oh! I told Darren, the guy I was seeing. He took off, screamed in my face how it was my fault and left. Prick. Anyway, I got a call today that because it’s further along they’ll have to do a surgical abortion and I’ll be sedated and because of that I have to have someone to take me home or they won’t do it. So, I need someone to pick me up and I love Samira but she’s so young and she still lets secrets slip sometimes and you’re off on Wednesday too and I trust you to keep this to yourself.” You took a breath, feeling like you just did sprints.

Robby sat there trying to decipher the information he had just received.

“Darren screamed in your face? You’re pregnant and he screamed in your face?” Robby felt himself starting to get angry, who the hell does that?

“I think you missed the important part.” You crossed your arms.

“No, I got that important part. I’m taking you to get an abortion on Wednesday. He screamed in your face? Where does he live exactly?” Robby asked as he got his phone out of his pocket.

“He’s an idiot, not important. I’m not giving you that information anyway.” You rolled your eyes.

“I bet Abbot could figure it out. He’d have some shit to mess him up too.” Robby said mostly to himself.

“Jesus, Robby!” You snapped.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. You’re right. Not important. Are you okay? I mean, that’s a lot to deal with.” Robby looked up at you with those soft, brown eyes that could melt snow.

“Y-yeah. It’s not great, but I’m fine.” You shrugged.

“You’ll tell me if you’re not.” He said it as an order more than anything.

“I will. Sorry, I freaked you out.” You tore your eyes from his in an attempt to keep from getting too worked up.

“Okay. What time?”

“Huh?”

“What time do I pick you up?” He tilted his head.

“Oh right. Duh! The procedure lasts about forty five minutes, appointment is at noon so around 12:45pm.” You nodded.

“So, 11:30am. Got it. I’ll be out front at 11:30am.” He nodded

“You don’t have to drive me. I was going to uber there.”

“Honey, Please. Like I’m letting you do that.” He shook his head, a smile spread across his face.

“Uh…” You’re mind going blank.

“I’ll see you Wednesday.” He nodded as he left.

You tried to go about the rest of the week as normal. Unsure how to feel about any of it. It was too much to think about, you put it in a box to deal with later.

You let out a groan as you forced yourself awake, Wednesday morning. You kept to your normal routine, showering, brushing your teeth, putting your hair up. The doorbell went off at 11am. Of course he would be early.

“You’re early.” You raise an eyebrow at Robby who was leaning on the doorway with two coffees.

“Wanted to make sure you had enough time to talk if you wanted.” He said, handing you a latte.

“I’m not supposed to have this.” You scolded.

“Oh we both know that it’s fine. You haven’t eaten anything right?” He asked, taking his sunglasses off.

“No, but they said no coffee.” You said sipping the latte.

“You’ll be fine. Enjoy the caffeine.” He had an Ikea bag slung over his shoulder as he barged into your apartment.

“What are you doing?” You looked at him, confused.

“Where are you going to want to rest up? Bed or couch?” he asked, looking like a man on a mission.

“Um, I was planning on staying on the couch mostly. Why?” You followed him into the living room. “I wanted to get it setup now so we aren’t worrying about it later.” He said as he started pulling things out of the bag.

“What the hell is all that?”

“Right, I did some googling,”

“Dangerous.”

“I found some Reddit posts where women talked about what they needed or wanted when they were recovering. I got you a new heating pad, a new blanket, and one of those neck massagers because it looked cool. I got some snacks, too. I got a big ass water bottle, too, that you will finish today, no arguments.” He said as he started positioning everything within arm's reach.

“Robby, you didn’t need to do all that.” You said, your throat tight with emotion.

“Yeah, well, I wanted to. So, I’m only going to ask once and then we can move on. Are you sure?” He said, suddenly getting serious.

“Thank you. Yes, I’m sure. I can’t…I can’t have a baby right now.” You looked away, the tears stinging as they formed.

“Okay. That’s okay.” He smiled. “Let’s get this done with then.” He nodded as he grabbed your sweatshirt hanging by the door and tossed it to you.

The waiting room for the OB was always so odd. Some people were there to get great news. Some for check ups, just another Wednesday. Some people were there with bad news. No one every really knew how to act. You sat in the uncomfortable chair, your knee bouncing with nerves.

“You okay?” Robby asked.

“Just nervous.” You cleared your throat.

“I forgot to ask, do you want me in there?” He shifted to face you.

“That’s asking too much.” You shook your head.

“It’s really not. If you want privacy that’s okay. But I’m more than happy to sit with you.” Robby smiled. You looked up at him, your hands were shaking and he could see how nervous you were.

“Okay. Yeah. Please.” You stuttered.

“Y/N L/N?” The nurse called out. You jumped up and scurried toward her. She brought you into a procedure room and handed you a gown.

“Hubby, you can help her get dressed.” The nurse said.

“Oh no. I’m not, I’m just here for moral support.” Robby’s face flushed red.

“Could have fooled me.” She chuckled as she left.

“I’ll just turn around, while you do that.” Robby cleared his throat as he faced the wall. You laughed as you gowned up. This man has torn the clothes off of countless patients but the thought of seeing you nude made him blush.

“You can turn around.” You said as you got settled on the bed. Your hands sat on your lap; you nervously picked at the cuticle.

“You doing okay?” Robby sat in the stool beside the bed.

“Don’t laugh, but I really have a hard time with needles and get nervous with sedation.” You sighed.

“Seriously? You’re around needles all day. You sedate people all day.” He scoffed.

“I know, other people. Not me.” You fidgeted with the collar of your gown. Robby realized you were serious and moved to take your hand.

“It’s not full sedation, just enough to relax you. I’ll be here the whole time, so you know there won’t be any mistakes. Okay?” He moved his head so you’d make eye contact. You nodded, afraid if you opened your mouth you’d start crying.

“Good morning, Y/N. It’s good to see you again.” Dr. Smith smiled as she came in.

“Good morning.” You cleared your throat.

“Is this your partner?”

“Oh no, just the moral support.” Robby smiled.

“Okay, do you need me to go over anything, I assume you understand the procedure.” Dr. Smith asked as she sat down across from you.

“No, I’m just ready to get this over with.” You took a deep breath.

“Understandable. Nurse Garcia is going to come in and get an IV going and start the sedation. Once you’re comfortable we’ll get started.” She nodded as she left.

“last chance to make a break for it.” Robby smiled.

“I can’t wait for the drugs, Jesus my hands are sweaty.” You shook your shaking hands. Robby laughed, though he could see the grief forming in your eyes.

“Hello, I’m Nurse Garcia. I’m going to get you hooked up for sedation.” She smiled. She brought a tray over with the IV supplies on it. She started cleaning your arm and your breath started picking up.

“Hey, look at me. You’re okay. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You know that.” Robby held your hand in his, rubbing the soft skin in circles to distract you.

“Yeah, I know. I know that.” You nodded. His smile made the wrinkles around his eyes form and it made your stomach flip.

“Alright, sweetheart. You’re all set.” The nurse smiled. “I pushed the sedative, you should start to feel it in a few minutes.” She said as she lowered the lights and left the room.

“Not so bad.” Robby shrugged.

“She was good.” You nodded. “You were good.” You smiled.

“Not like I’ve been doing this for thirty years or anything.” He said.

“I should bring you to every blood draw.” You chuckled.

“I’d go if you needed.” He smiled. You couldn’t tell if it was real or the meds, but Robby was flirting. You wanted to flirt back, but this was your abortion and you were starting to feel high.

“Damn, that shit hit like train.” You mumbled as you swayed back and forth.

“Okay, Trainspotting. Lay back before you fall off.” He laughed as he helped you get comfortable.

“You’re so nice to me. I like it.” You smiled up at him sleepily.

“You’re easy to be nice to.” He said as he tucked the blanket around you.

“You aren’t this nice to the other attendings. You wouldn’t tuck Abbot in.” You laughed.

“I don’t think Jack would let me. He’d be an angry sedated patient.” You both chuckled.

“You have nice eyes. I always get all giddy when you smile and they look all gooey.” You mumbled.

“Oh yeah? Gooey?” Robby leaned on the guardrail.

“Yeah, like a sad puppy. It makes my tummy all butterfly-full of butterflies.” You said. Robby should tell you to stop. He should maybe excuse himself, have the nurse sit with you. But he wanted to say the same thing back.

“Alright Y/N. We’re going to get started.” Dr. Smith came in.

“Hooray. I can’t wait to have an empty uterus.” You cheered.

“Let’s get her legs in the stirrups.” Dr. Smith said as the nurse put your feet up.

“I can’t believe I let that stupid boy knock me up. Dumb boys.” You grumbled.

“We are dumb, sorry.” Robby nodded.

“No. You’re not a boy. You’re a man. Men are stupid too but not as much. You wouldn’t scream at me. I need a man.” You grumbled.

“I’d never scream at you.” Robby said as he watched the tears quietly fall down your temples.

“A little sting now. Just to help open the cervix.” Dr. Smith said. Robby took your hand in his. You hissed as the pain hit. “Good. Alright, you’re going to feel some pressure.” Dr. Smith noted as she started her machine.

“It can help to massage her belly.” The nurse nodded to Robby.

“Right. Yeah.” Robby cleared his throat as he put his wide hand on your lower belly and gave a gentle rub.

“Hmm…Warm.” You hummed.

“Almost over.” Dr. Smith said.

“You’re doing great.” Robby said.

“Hurts.” You groaned with knitted brows.

“I know, Hun. Do your best to relax.” The nurse gave your leg a pat.

“Deep breaths, Y/N.” Robby couched.

“Ah! That’s too much!” you hissed.

“I know, just squeeze my hand. You’re nearly there.” Robby brushed some stray hair from your face.

“Okay, sweetheart. You’re all done. Everything looks good. We’ll keep you here for thirty minutes to make sure there’s no reactions and you can go home.” Dr. Smith smiled as she helped the nurse put your legs back down.

“It’s done?” You whimpered.

“Yeah, it’s done.” Robby confirmed with a soft smile. You nodded, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“I don’t want to cry.” You sighed.

“It’s normal. Nothing to be ashamed of.” Robby said, handing you a tissue.

“I wanted this.” Your bottom lip trembled.

“Doesn’t mean it was going to feel good. You’ll be okay.” He rubbed circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.  Robby felt his heart breaking for you. He also couldn’t stop thinking about Darren. That boy would be in trouble if they crossed paths.

“I’m sorry, I asked you go through this.” You sighed, the sedation starting to wear off.

“I’m not. I would hate to know you’d gone through this alone.” He smiled. You looked up at him and you felt the need to ask him if he felt what you did. You were about to say something when the nurse came back in.

“Alright, you are good to go. Remember to take it easy today, the next week if you can. Drink lots of water and good meals. You’ll be bleeding on and off for a while. If you’re going through more than a pad an hour, go to the ER.” She said, handing you some paperwork.

“Okay. Thanks.” You said moving to sit up, Robby held your arms as your head wobbled a little.

“You want some help getting dressed?” Robby asked, keeping his patient care voice on.

“I…I might need it yeah.” You sighed as you fumbled with your underwear. Robby took them from your clumsy hands. He eased them up your legs, his fingers tracing up the skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. He stopped at the top of your thighs, letting you take over.

“Hold onto my shoulders, step in.” He instructed as he got you into your sweatpants. You finished pulling them all the way on.

“Can you untie the gown?” You asked turning away from him. He hummed in agreement. He pulled the tie and grabbed the gown, tossing it in the laundry bin by the door. He grabbed your shirt and pulled it over your head, his eyes never leaving your back.

“Sit back down, I’ll put your shoes on.” He cleared his throat as he put the shoes on. You watched as he tied them tight, the muscles in his shoulders flexing with his movements.

“Thank you.” You hummed.

“Let’s get you home.” He said, holding out his hands for you. You took them and clumsily got to your feet. You wobbled a little, Robby steadying you with an arm around your waist.

The car ride was quiet, not suffocating but nearing comfortable. You let your head lean against the cool window. You were fighting the nausea, you didn’t know if it was from sedation or morning sickness. You were losing the battle.

“Robby. Robby pull over!” You gasped, suddenly bolt up right.

“Okay, Okay.” He moved the car off the road. You fumbled to unbuckle yourself, flinging the door open. Robby ran around to you, grabbing your hair as you retched into the gutter.  “You’re okay. Easy.” He helped you sit back up.

“Ew.” You groaned.

“You alright?” He asked, looking you over like the trained medical professional he was.

“Yeah. I think it’s fine for now.” You nodded.

You had always had a low pain tolerance. You would break down if you scraped your knee. The pain radiating from your abdomen made you want to break down completely. The walk from the car to your apartment was arduous. You leaned most of your weight onto Robby. He offered to carry you, but you declined due to concerns for his back.

“Okay, let’s get you some Zofran.” He said as you got comfortable on the couch.

“I don’t have any.” You grumbled.

“Yes, you do.” He came back in with the pills. “Had them filled yesterday. Perks of working in an ER.” He smiled, handing it to you. You took them happily.

“Everyone said it wouldn’t be too bad. The liars.” You groaned as you wrapped the blanket around you.

“Different for everyone, you know that.” Robby sighed. “Drink your water. I’ll be back.” He nodded and left. You were going to question where he was going but decided you didn’t really care. Your head felt heavy and you didn’t care to fight it, letting yourself fall asleep.

“Honey, you need to eat something.” Robby’s rough voice lulling you awake. Your apartment suddenly filled with the smell of food.

“Hmm, what?” You grumbled, confused. Robby was standing next to you with a bowl.

“You need to eat so we can give you something for the pain.” He said, handing you a bowl of soup.

“What’s this?” you asked, confused as to where the hell he had found soup in your apartment.

“Chicken noodle soup. My grandma’s recipe, so no jokes. Her’s was better, not sure how.” He shrugged.

“You…made me soup?” You looked up at him, confused.

“Yes. It’s got protein and iron, two things you need most right now.” He said as he lifted a book into his lap.

“What is that?” you pointed to the book.

“Well, I would have hoped you encountered a book in med school at some point.” He teased.  “It’s a book about emotional trauma. My therapist is making me read it.” He cleared his throat as he put his glasses on.

“You brought a book? How long are you planning on being here?” You cocked an eyebrow.

“Until you go to bed tonight. Or you kick me out, whichever comes first.” He said, not looking up from his book. You let out a huff, enamored with this strange man. You ate a spoonful of soup and were surprised by how good it was.

“Fuck that’s really good!” You blurted out.

“Gee thanks.” Robby chuckled.

“I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Cook is a strong word. I get around the kitchen well enough. I make pasta, soup and that’s about it. The soup is in the genes.” He winked.

“I don’t think anyone’s ever made me soup.” You sipped at the broth.

“Really? Your mom never heated up a can when you were sick?”

“Ha! My mother barely checked my temperature if I was sick. I was a nuisance if I was sick. She never stayed home to take care of me. If I didn’t look sick enough, I was faking. I heated up my own soup.” You shrugged.

“Every time you tell me more about your life, I get sad.” Robby laughed.

“Oh, please.” You swatted at him. “You don’t need to stay here. I’m going to be asleep, mostly.” You said.

“Someone needs to make sure you hydrate. You’re terrible at it.” He said, flipping a page. You were going to retort but felt the distinct gush of blood that told you, you needed to change your pad at the same time a cramp squeezed your insides. A finishing move from your reproductive system.

“Oh fuck…” You groaned, hunched over.

“You okay? What do you need?” Robby put his book aside and put his hand on your back.

“Cramps. Blood. The usual.” You groaned. “I need…I gotta go change.” Your face red.

“Okay.” Robby didn’t hesitate to help you up.

“There’s going to be blood everywhere, just turn around.” You warned.

“Oh please. Like blood has ever bothered me, you know better.” Robby chuckled.

“But it’s different blood.”

“Blood is blood and I don’t give a shit.” He shrugged. “You go to the bathroom, I’ll clean this up.” He nodded. You grabbed his hands and heaved yourself up. Sure enough, blood everywhere.

“Damn, I liked that couch.” You shook your head as you hobbled off to the bedroom to get changed. When you came back out, the couch was cleaned up and a new blanket lay ready.

“I got you some OTC pain meds if you need them.” Robby’s glasses sat on the end of his nose as he scrolled on his phone. “Your color is still a little off. Do you want some apple juice? I got one that has iron.” He offered as you stood in front of him, looking confused.

“You got me apple juice with iron?”

“Well, you need to keep your blood sugar up so it’s easier for you to replenish your cells and you are bad about eating well. I knew making you drink juice would be easier.” He said putting his phone away. You watched him for a minute, trying to understand this man that was taking care of you like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Do you want to fuck me?”

“Whoa, what!?” He looked shocked, his face going red.

“I’m so confused.” You shrugged, going to sit back down.

“Are you feeling okay? Should I be worried about neuro symptoms right now?” Robby gave a nervous chuckle.

“Maybe it’s my bad luck with men or humans in general, but I’ve never had anyone take care of me, let alone to this level, unless they were trying to get something from me.” You wrapped the blanket around yourself.

“Honey, the fact that you weren’t looked after at any point in your life makes me want to take even better care of you.” Robby sighed, leaning on the back of the couch.  “To answer your question, no. I don’t want to fuck you.”

“Oh.” You said, your face flushed with embarrassment.

“I don’t want to fuck you because you just had an abortion and feel like shit. That would be very fucking weird of me.” Robby smirked. “But, if you’re asking if I have feelings for you, then yeah. I thought it was obvious.” He said.

“Obvious? In what world!?” You chuckled.

“I never wanted to make you uncomfortable. But you said that butterfly comment today, and even though you were high, I didn’t want to push it away anymore.” He sighed. “I wasn’t going to say anything tonight, by the way. Was just going to take care of you and go home. You forced my hand.”

“Jesus, Robby! You realize that all of this,” You waved your hands around the apartment and up and down his form. “would make any woman fall desperately in love with you? I already was, but you never gave a girl a chance!” You laughed.

“So, what I’m hearing is that you love me.” He winked.

“You were ready to beat up Darren for screaming at me,”

“Still debating on not doing that.”

“you googled how to take care of me in recovery, drove me to get another man’s fetus aborted, held my hair while I vomited, made me soup.” You scoffed. “Cleaned up my blood! I don’t even know the last time I had a man that didn’t cringe when I leaked through a tampon, let alone helped clean up! Of course I love you!” You shouted.

“Okay then!” He mimicked you.

“So, what now?”

“Now, you take those meds and drink some juice.” He said, looking at you like it was obvious.

“No. No, I mean with us?” You said, grabbing the pills and sipping your water.

“I don’t know. I’m leaving that at your feet, Honey.”

“Why do you always call me Honey? You’ve been doing that since I was a resident.” You cocked an eyebrow.

“You don’t remember? You were fixing up a wound and using an entire jar of Manuka honey on it, when I came in, you had it everywhere. I think that’s when I knew I was done for.” He smiled.

[abbotjack]

˚. ྀིྀི୧❤︎୨ ྀིྀི.˚ We know Jack writes letters.

They're the kind Robby can’t read all the way through without stepping outside to gather himself. The kind that cut clean and simple, because Jack doesn’t waste words—he means them.

So when he falls in love, of course he writes.

He works nights. You work days. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal—just a few missed dinners, a couple uneven weekends. But two years in, it’s become a rhythm neither of you like but both of you have learned how to survive. You brush your teeth while he’s lacing up his boots. He lets the microwave run too long reheating the dinner you left him. The sheets are always warm, but it’s rare you’re both in them at the same time.

You see him in fragments.

A half-empty beer left by the sink. His stethoscope on the kitchen chair. The smell of soap and hospital antiseptic lingering in the bathroom when you step out of the shower. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you catch him in the doorway before you head out and he gets home—eyes heavy, jaw dark with stubble, scrubs wrinkled. He kisses your forehead like he’s apologizing for the hours he missed.

But then there are the letters.

Tucked in the pocket of your coat. Folded into your planner between work notes and receipts. Once, wedged between the pages of the book you keep meaning to finish, like he knew you’d open it eventually.

They’re never long—just a paragraph or two, scribbled on the back of supply sheets or crumpled chart printouts, whatever scrap he could grab between calls. The handwriting is always the same: rushed, uneven, slanted like he was writing too fast to second-guess himself. He never rewrites them. Never polishes a word. And at the bottom, always that quiet little “—J,” like he’s hesitant to leave too much of himself behind.

“Didn’t sleep today. Kept thinking about the way you were breathing last night, arm over your face like you were shielding yourself from something. I should’ve held you. I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“No letter tonight. Just wanted to leave a note saying I need to be near you. Wake me when you get in. Please.”

“You said something in the mirror yesterday—something about looking tired. I didn’t say anything then, but: You are beautiful. Even when you forget. Especially then.”

“There’s a receipt in your car from our favorite place. You went without me. I’m not mad. Just—next time, bring back fries. Or lie better.”

“You leave your rings on the counter and every time I see them, I think, ‘she came home.’ I don’t think you know how much that matters to me.”

“The plant you named after me is dying. Water it. Or don’t. I get it. But if it survives, I’ll take it as a sign you still love me.”

“You left the light on. Again. Which should annoy me. It doesn’t. The apartment feels like you were just here. Sometimes that’s all I need.”

“Tried to be quiet when I left. Still knocked over the shampoo bottle. Sorry. You flinched but didn’t wake up. I whispered goodbye anyway. It felt wrong not to.”

“You made the grocery list and wrote ‘Jack’s weird yogurt’ like I don’t have a brand. You’re lucky you’re pretty.”

"Tonight was rough. Lost one. Didn’t want to bring it home with me, but I needed to tell you I love you anyway."

“You were talking in your sleep again. Said something about stealing a goat. If I come home and there’s a goat in the yard, I’m not asking questions. I’ll just name it.”

“You asked me last night if I’d still love you if I was a worm. I said no. You hit me with a pillow. I’ve revised my answer.”

“You bought four new throw pillows. We now have eleven pillows on a three-seat couch. I have nowhere to sit. I love you anyway.”

“You said you felt off today. Didn’t tell me what that meant. Just curled up under the blanket and didn’t talk much. I stayed quiet too. I just wanted you to know I noticed.”

“You made the bed this morning. I know you were late. You didn’t do it for you. You did it for me. I love you.”

You keep them all. Pressed flat in a shoebox under your bed, like tiny pieces of him that can’t fade with time. Some of them still smell like antiseptic and worn leather and faint traces of his cologne. Sometimes you reread them when the loneliness sneaks in, when the hours between seeing him stretch too long.

And the thing is—he never asks if you read them. He doesn’t bring them up. It’s not about the response. It’s not even about being heard.

It’s about leaving something behind.

A thread. A trace. A heartbeat in your drawer when he can’t be in your bed.

Because Jack Abbot may not say I love you in the hallway or across a crowded kitchen—but he’ll write it. Every damn time.

And he knows you’ll find it when you need it most.

[pomelace]

a piece of sweetness

pairing: frank langdon x afab!intern reader

content warnings: no physical desciptors used for reader, reader is an intern, doesn't take place during the shows timeline, emotional distress and grief, guilt, vulnerability, little bit of angst, patient death, let me know if I missed anything!

magui speaks! : this is dedicated to anon who asked for more langdon fics. thank you for the request! this is part 2 of mouse and the redbull, part 3 will be out soon. I wrote this rather than study for my chem exam, so call me dedicated. as always, I hope you enjoy, and requests are always open.

word count: 2436

It's been weeks since the Red Bull. Weeks of long shifts and caffeine-stained charts, of you silently handing him pen lights and IV kits before he even asks. You're still the same—quiet, precise, invisible to most—but not to Frank.

He notices everything.

The way you tuck your pen behind your ear when you're focused.

The way you always triple-check every patient's med list.

The way you look up at him when you're unsure—but never ask.

He doesn’t say anything. He never does.

Words were never necessary with him.

Which is why it catches you off guard when Dr. Robby corners you before rounds, his voice too casual to mean nothing.

“You’re with me today,” he says, hands tucked into the pockets of his worn sweater.

You blink. “I’m usually with Dr. Langdon.”

“I know,” he replies, eyes already scanning his notes. “But you’ve been glued to him for weeks. Time to mix it up. Get to know the rest of us. Frank’s overdue to teach someone else anyway.”

You nod—because that’s what you do. But something settles heavy in your chest as you take your place among the others.

Frank doesn’t say anything when you fall in next to him. Just glances over—quick, unreadable—and then turns back to Dr. Robby as he launches into the morning briefing.

Maybe words were never necessary.

But this silence feels different. Louder. Sharper around the edges.

You half expect him to lean in, to say something under his breath—I’ll talk to Robby, or You’ll be back tomorrow—but he doesn’t.

He just lets the space stretch between you, like it means nothing at all.

𐔌 ﹒ ⋆ ꩜ ⋆ 𓂃 ₊ ⊹

Robby is patient.

He moves like he’s got fire in his lungs—sharp, deliberate, always ten steps ahead. He commands a room with a single glance, and somehow still finds time to teach you between traumas.

“Now I see why Frank kept you all to himself,” he said, showing you how to crack a chest like he’d done it a hundred times in his sleep

You learn a lot with him. He makes sure of it. But still—you’re always a half-second behind. Reacting instead of anticipating. You miss the rhythm you had with Frank, the silent sync only the two of you seemed to share.

You don’t realize how deeply you’ve adapted to him until you have to unlearn it.

When Robby asks for a kit, your hands stall. You hesitate—just long enough to feel it.

You’re not sure which one he means.

Frank wouldn’t have had to ask.

Robby doesn’t notice the pause—or if he does, he doesn’t say anything. He just points and keeps going, his voice calm but clipped, already three steps ahead again.

You hand him the right kit. Eventually. But the moment sticks with you.

With Frank, it was different. There were no words, just glances and gestures, and somehow you always knew what came next. He never needed to explain. You were in sync.

Now, every command feels like a test. Every silence feels like something you’re supposed to fill. You push through it. Robby is kind, in his own brisk way. He teaches well. He even smiles sometimes.

But at the end of the shift, when your scrubs are soaked through and your hands smell like antiseptic, it isn’t him you’re thinking about.

It was Frank.

And how, for the first time in weeks, he hadn’t even looked at you in the hallway.

You passed him again and again during shifts, but he didn’t flinch. Didn’t blink. Even when you were forced onto the same case, he moved around you like you weren’t there—focused solely on guiding his new intern, never sparing you so much as a glance.

You tried to ignore it—the tight pull in your stomach, the quiet ache that settled behind your ribs.

But it was there. Growing. Whispering.

Maybe you’d done something wrong.

You never asked. You couldn’t. Every time you stood near him—tried to spark even the smallest conversation—he found a reason to walk away. A clipped excuse, a sudden task, always without looking at you.

Eventually, you stopped trying.

And with time, you began to accept the quiet truth: maybe you’d never work with him again. The thought settled in your chest like something heavy, something final.

Days blurred into weeks. Weeks where your schedule bounced between Dr. Robby and Dr. Collins—never Langdon.

Not once.

You stopped expecting to see him during rounds. Stopped looking for him across the nurses’ station or listening for his voice during consults. You forced yourself to focus on the work—on Robby’s fast-paced cases and Collins’ long-winded lectures about doing the best thing for a patient.

But some habits die harder than others.

You still felt it—his absence. Not just the lack of words, but the missing weight of him at your side. The way you used to anticipate each other without speaking.

It was like losing a limb and learning how to walk again.

And you were having a hard time keeping yourself upright.

You haven’t been yourself today.

It starts with the wrong dosage on a chart—caught just in time, but still. Then a missed page. Then a patient, mid-thirties, chest pain, eyes wide with fear—and you swear you’re doing everything right.

You double-check vitals, repeat the ECG, call for backup, but nothing you do is enough. Minutes later, they code. And you can’t get them back.

It’s not your first loss. But for some reason, this one sits differently in your chest. Low. Heavy. Like wet concrete.

Dr. Robby assures you that there wasn't anything anyone could've done, that the patient was as good as dead the moment they were wheeled into the ER, but no words could help you forget the sound of the flatline.

The rest of the shift spirals after that.

Minor mistakes. Snapped words. You keep moving, but nothing feels like it lands right. It’s like you’re watching yourself from a few feet away, trying to climb back into your own skin and failing.

No one says anything, but you know they notice.

And Frank notices the most.

From the moment you lose your patient, you can feel his eyes on you, though he never approaches. He doesn’t say a word, doesn’t offer the usual reassuring confidence or distractions. Instead, he just watches—quietly, from a distance. And in that silence, you realize he sees it.

The cracks in your composure, the raw edges of your mind starting to fray. It’s a subtle thing, but you feel it all the same. He sees you breaking, even when you wish he wouldn’t.

You catch a nurse stealing a glance your way after you mutter a curse under your breath, watching as your coffee turns cold and bitter in your hands.

A resident steps in, offering to take over a case you were already halfway through, his voice too bright, too eager.

You shake your head, brushing him off, but the tension in your shoulders is too tight. You finish it anyway, fingers unsteady as you sign the discharge papers, the ink smearing slightly across the form.

The weight of it lingers in your hands, like a reminder of everything that’s slipping through your fingers.

By the time 9 p.m. rolls around, you've disappeared—found a forgotten stairwell tucked between ICU and radiology, where silence is the only company you’re willing to keep.

You sit on the cold concrete steps, elbows braced on your knees, head cradled in your hands. You're not crying. Not yet. Just still. Just quiet. Just trying to feel something that isn't the hollow static in your skull.

The door creaks open behind you, the sound scraping through the silence.

You don’t move.

The footsteps are slow, deliberate—familiar. You know them without having to look.

“Mouse?”

You don’t lift your head. You don’t even flinch.

He steps closer, hesitant, careful.

“Everyone’s looking for you. Robby thought you left.”

You shake your head, slow and deliberate, keeping your chin tucked low.

“I just needed... a second.”

A long beat of silence. Frank doesn’t answer immediately, and for a moment, you think maybe he’ll leave, or maybe he’ll keep pretending he’s been too busy to notice.

Instead, he lowers himself onto the step beside you. The space between you both is filled with nothing but the distant hum of the hallway, the pounding of your own heart.

“You’ve been off today,” he says quietly. Not a question. Not an accusation. Just a simple observation.

“Rough shift?” he adds, his voice laced with something too close to pity.

It almost sounds absurd—the way he asks, knowing full well the answer. He was there, he saw it all. Watched as you fought, as you tried to save a life only to lose it in the end.

You nod, the movement stiff, like your neck can’t bear the weight of the day. Your breath is shaky, fighting the edge of something sharp and brittle that threatens to break free.

He sits beside you, close enough for you to feel his presence but not so close as to invade. He doesn’t ask you anything else, doesn’t offer words you don’t want.

He just sits. Silent. Watching.

You hate how easy it is for him to be there, like nothing’s wrong, like you’re just two people passing through the same space, when all you want to do is scream.

“I heard about your patient,” he says quietly.

Your throat tightens like a fist around your windpipe.

“You heard about it, or you saw it?” you whisper, your voice frayed. It’s not really a question. You already know the answer.

He doesn’t respond right away. Just sits there, the silence stretching until it almost snaps. When he finally speaks, his voice is low, almost hoarse.

“I should’ve said something. Back then.”

He hesitates, then adds, “It’s hard… losing a patient. I should’ve—”

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” you cut in, sharper than you mean to be.

He flinches like he expected it—but it still hits.

The stairwell is cold. Quiet again, except for the hum of a vending machine two floors down and your own heartbeat in your ears.

Frank breathes out slowly. You don’t look at him, but you feel the shift in the air, the way his body curls forward, like he’s trying to close the space between you without touching it.

“I know it doesn’t change anything,” Frank says after a moment, voice low, like he's afraid to disrupt the fragile stillness you've wrapped around yourself.

“But I wanted you to hear it from me.”

You don’t answer. The silence feels safer—less brittle than any words you might try to force past the knot in your throat.

“You did everything you could.”

His voice is soft, careful—like he’s reaching for you with it, like he thinks if he says it gently enough, you might believe him.

Like he wants to cradle the sharp edges of your grief with something that won’t cut.

You shake your head, still staring down at your hands, at the scuffs on your shoes, at the floor that hasn’t moved but somehow still feels like it’s tilting.

“It wasn’t enough.”

He lets out a long, slow breath, his hands clasped loosely between his knees, the pads of his fingers pressing into each other like he needs the grounding.

“Sometimes it isn’t,” he murmurs.

“Even when it should be.”

You nearly flinch at that—almost say, but it still happened. You almost tell him that your hands haven’t stopped shaking since you called time of death, that your brain feels stuffed with cotton, thick and useless, and you can't think clearly enough to even cry.

But nothing comes out.

You just shake your head again, smaller this time.

Frank turns slightly toward you, glancing out of the corner of his eye.

“You have to be kinder to yourself,” he says, and it’s so quietly earnest it almost stings.

You nod, though it’s automatic.

Eventually, you glance at him. He’s not looking at you—just staring straight ahead, his jaw tight, his eyes unfocused like he’s watching something only he can see.

“You’ve lost patients before,” you say, your voice hoarse.

“How do you not let it break you?”

He lets out a breath of a laugh—low, bitter, hollow.

“Who said it doesn’t?”

That silences you. Again.

A minute ticks by. Then he shifts slightly, reaching into the pocket of his jacket. He pulls out a crumpled paper bag and, without a word, sets it gently in your lap.

You blink at it, confused, your fingers hesitating on the edge.

“It’s a cinnamon roll,” he says, like it’s obvious. “From that place you like. Still warm.”

You stare down at it, stunned.

“I didn’t even know you—”

“You mentioned it once,” he says, cutting you off, almost sheepish.

“Weeks ago. Said they don’t dry them out like the cafeteria does.”

Your throat tightens, but it’s different this time—not grief. Something softer, warmer, tugging at your chest.

“I figured… if you weren’t gonna eat or sleep tonight, you should at least have sugar.”

You let out a faint, broken laugh. It doesn’t quite reach your eyes, but it’s real. He nudges your knee gently with his own.

“You’re allowed to be human, mouse. Even the best interns have days like this.”

“Not like this,” you murmur, still staring at the bag in your lap.

He tilts his head, finally meeting your eyes.

“Especially like this.”

You tear open the bag, the scent hitting you instantly—cinnamon, vanilla, that warm yeasty sweetness. You break off a piece and hand it to him wordlessly.

He takes it without hesitation and eats in silence, like this is routine, like sharing a cinnamon roll in a stairwell at the end of the worst day isn’t the most intimate thing you’ve done in weeks.

You sit together for a while like that. Just two tired, wrung-out people in the quiet hollow of a hospital, letting the sugar and the silence do what they can.

Eventually, your voice returns. “Thanks.”

He glances at you, chewing. Swallows.

“For the cinnamon roll?”

You shake your head.

“For finding me.”

He looks at you then. Really looks at you. For a moment longer than necessary.

“You’re my favorite, remember?” he says, voice gentler than you’ve ever heard it.

“I keep track of the things I care about.”

And for a moment, you forget. Forget the coldness he kept between you for weeks, the silence that hung like a heavy curtain.

All you feel is the warmth of the cinnamon roll in your hands, and the quiet tenderness in his voice when he says he cares—about the small things, about you.

©pomelace 2025

[docrobinavitch]

say goodbye like you mean it | pt. one

dr. robby x f!charge nurse!oc content: 18+ mdni, swearing, vague age gap (oc mid to late thirties) words: 4.5k PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR synopsis: dana is serious about leaving, at least for a while. her replacement is bright eyed, bushy tailed, and determined to impress robby and robby is less than thrilled... but can't help but be impressed. as well as a little infatuated. a/n: this is my first fic for the pitt! idk how many parts this will be yet, but pls let me know your thoughts

“And there’s nothing I can do to convince you that this is a mistake?” Dr. Robby was looking at Dana with the softest, pleading eyes he could muster.

But Dana only smiled and shook her head, “Would you give the kid a chance first? It’s only a trial and I’ll be here the first few days and train her, alright? I vetted her myself. She was charge nurse in her own ER in Manhattan. During Covid.” She added for emphasis.

“Huh, no shit.” Robby rubbed at his beard, “How old is she?”

Dana shrugged, “I’m not sure, somewhere in her thirties?” 

Just then, the doors of the ER opened and the new charge nurse walked in, securing her hair with a claw clip as she walked toward the hub.

“Here she comes,” Dana said and elbowed Robby in the side, “Be nice, please.”

“Sweetheart!” Dana said as she approached and a smile lit up her face. “Welcome, thank you for coming in.”

“Of course,” She said, looking around the already chaotic ER, “I’m eager to get my hands dirty.”

“There will be no shortage of that, I can assure you.” Robby interjected.

Finally, her eyes fell on him and her smile widened, “You must be Dr. Robby. Dana told me all about you. It’s nice to put a face to the name,” She held out a hand, “Gwen Keating.”

He took her outstretched hand in his, “Good to meet you too. Though, I don’t envy you, you have big shoes to fill,” He dropped her hand, “I’m still trying to convince Dana to stay.”

Dana glared at Robby, “I told you to behave.”

“Gwen” Robby continued, ignoring Dana, “Dana tells me you were charge nurse at a hospital in Manhattan during the pandemic. Which one?”

Her face falls marginally, “New York Presbyterian.” She says softly.

The words hit him in the chest, “My God,” He shakes his head, “You guys were basically ground zero. We learned how to use one ventilator to treat two patients from you.”

Gwen looks down at her hands which he notices are now pulling at cuticles around her nail bed, “Yeah.” She says eventually, “It was a fucking nightmare and we adapted as quickly as we could.” Then she winces, “Sorry. Shouldn’t curse on my first day.”

“Don’t sweat it, kid,” Dana said, putting an arm around her shoulders, “The pandemic was a motherfucker for all of us.”

She gives Dana a sad smile and leans into her embrace. 

Robby hates that Dana is leaving. Hates it so much, in fact, he had thought about putting in his two weeks several times. But each time he had faltered. And now Gwen was here, by all accounts looking like a goddamn angel, and he thought maybe everything would be okay after all.

Robby and Dana give her the grand tour, introducing her to everyone. She’s quick to learn names and she takes diligent notes. Though she’s a trained nurse and not a doctor, Robby learns quickly that being charge nurse during covid had many doctors giving her a lot of leeway. 

“We were constantly short staffed with doctors and nurses getting sick,” She shrugged, “It wasn’t uncommon for a doctor to be on speaker phone, sick at home, walking me through an intubation or a chest tube. But don’t worry,” Gwen said quickly at the look of alarm on Robby’s face, “That part of my life is over. Thankfully.”

Before he can comment, a lower abdominal GSW is rolling in and the three of them are immediately gloving up, following the gurney into trauma three.

Robby calls for Collins and Whitaker who trailed behind.

Giving the case to Collins, his eyes focus on Gwen as she reads vitals, jumps in when needed, and delegates tasks to other nurses with ease as things get more tricky. She has tools and meds ready before Collins can even ask, already anticipating how she would want to treat.

When the patient is stable and headed to an OR, Gwen degloves and walkd back over to Robby, looking a bit smug.

“So, did I pass?” She asks. Dana is grinning at Robby from behind her back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She smirks, “So you weren’t evaluating me?”

“The person you should be trying to impress is Dana, not me.”

She scoffs, “Please. Dana is already impressed. I know it’s your approval I need to work here.”

He turns his attention from Collins to Gwen, eyes rolling carefully over her face. He is impressed. Thoroughly. But he doesn’t want her to know that yet.

“Have you ever thought about going to med school?”

“Oh, bite your tongue!” Dana snaps, “We need more nurses, not doctors.”

She laughs, and turns back to Robby, “I did, yeah. Before covid.” Again, he notices the way her face falls just slightly at the recollection of the pandemic, “But I decided I like it better in the background. As charge nurse, especially, I like all the admin work. I love working with patients, but I love taking care of my nurses and doctors more, I think. Is that awful?”

Robby’s shaking his head, “No. That’s exactly what we need from a charge nurse. A mother hen, right Dana?”

Dana had her arms around Gwen’s shoulders again as she laughed, “Isn’t she just the best?”

Robby rolled his eyes and began to walk away, “You haven’t passed yet.” He called over his shoulder.

“What?”

“We’ll see if you survive to the end of the shift.”

She laughed, “I do love a challenge.”

“Good,” Robby called back, “Because I’m very difficult to impress.”

Mateo was standing next to Dana at the hub, both of them intently watching Gwen and Robby, “I gotta hand it to you, Dana,” Mateo said as he took a bite of a sandwich from the patient bin, “You’re good. Not only have you given Robby a perfect replacement, you’re also getting him laid.”

Mateo offered Dana a fist, which Dana bumped while smiling, “Robby should be kissing my feet in thanks.”

The rest of the shift flew by with little incident. Things ran smoothly with Gwen behind the wheel. She had questions for Dana every now and then, but she was a fast learner and by the fourth hour, Dana hardly needed to do anything. She had Dana’s respect, and so she had the nurses’ respect as well. The doctors? Well, they looked to Robby first and he hadn’t yet decided how he felt about her. Though, it was clear the two of them worked well together almost immediately. And it was very clear that they had become a team when the reports of ICE being in the area started rolling in.

“What are you hearing?” Robby walked up to the hub, a bunch of nurses were around the desk, around Gwen, their phones out and scrolling.

“Reports of ICE vans in the area,” She said, looking at her own phone, “Rumors they plan to stop here.”

Robby nodded, “What do you want to do?”

Both Gwen and Dana’s eyes snapped to Robby in surprise, “You’re asking me?” She said slowly.

“Yeah. Surely you went through this sort of thing in New York. What’s the protocol?”

She stared at him for only a moment before she jumped into action, “Nurses, everyone is on a patient until I say otherwise. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure ICE does not get in here, but if they do, being in a hospital means these people are protected by the law. If it comes to it, make sure the patients know that. They do not have to speak to the officers without a lawyer. They do not have to leave with ICE unless they have a warrant signed by a judge. If that is the case, I will confirm the legitimacy of the warrant. 

We do not leave a single patient unattended until we’re sure no one is coming. I know there are more patients than there are nurses, assign yourselves no more than three patients that you can cycle through every thirty seconds. No one unattended more than thirty seconds, unless a medical emergency dictates otherwise. I trust you all to make sure every patient is covered, make sure you’re communicating with each other. Doctors, if you notice a patient doesn’t have a nurse, let me know and I will assign them one. You can explain to the patients why you’re there if you like, but do not pressure anyone to reveal their citizenship status to you. It’s better we don’t know anyway. Is Ahmad around?”

“Present.” Ahmad strolls up to the hub, hands on his belt.

“Can security make sure every entrance to the ER has at least one man watching it? If ICE shows up, do not let them in, call me. I will come out to meet them.”

Ahmad looked to Robby who nodded, and then looked back to Gwen, “Roger,” he said and headed for the ambulance bay.

“Any questions?” She asked the medical professionals that encircled her, but she’s met with only silence.

“Alright everyone, you’ve got your marching orders,” Robby said, “Back to work.”

While a nurse caught Gwen in conversation, Robby watched her and Dana sidled up to him, “You know, the sky won’t fall if you admit you like her.”

Robby just glared at her before heading in the direction of Whitaker, who was flagging him down to a patient’s bed.

It was true, he was really starting to warm to Gwen. Sure, it had only been half a shift, but things in the ED moved quickly and everyone worked in close quarters which meant he didn’t need long at all to get a sense of someone. And she was the real deal, that much was clear.

It was only thirty minutes before Ahmad was paging Gwen that ICE was in the ambulance bay.

“Do you want me to come with you?” 

She spun to see Robby just behind her. She had gotten used to his proximity in the first half of the shift, in fact, she was beginning to find his constant presence comforting.

“Only if you want to,” She said slowly, “Well… Yes, actually, if you don’t mind. I find they respond better to male authority figures.”

“Okay,” He started following her towards the exit, “But you take lead?”

She nods, “Of course. Thank you.”

“Officers, I’m the charge nurse here, this is Dr. Robinavitch, our senior physician. How can we help you?”

There were three men in street clothes, the tallest one in front stepped forward, “We have a warrant for a patient here, we need to be allowed inside to take them.”

“Okay, I need to see some ID and the warrant before I can let you inside.”

“We have a warrant. Let us inside now and we’ll be out of your hair.”

“I’m sorry, sir, I cannot let you inside without seeing the warrant myself first as well as some ID.”

The man made a big show of huffing and puffing before retrieving a warrant from his pocket. Gwen was conscious of Robby just behind her, shifting his weight from foot to foot. She let her shoulders drop remembering he was there. She had just met him, but felt already that she could trust him to have her back. It had been a long time since she had had that sort of rapport with a colleague, let alone a superior.

He handed the paper over and before she had time to read it, was already trying to shove past her.

“Excuse me—!” She scoffed and tried to shove him back, “Ahmad?”

Ahmad was immediately there, shoving the man back. “I gave you the warrant, let’s go!” The man snarled.

Gwen glared and took her time unfolding the piece of paper he gave her and scanning it. It took her only a moment to recognize it wasn’t a proper warrant, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you in with this. Please come back when you have a warrant signed by a judge.”

She turned to leave, ignoring the man’s calls behind her. She doesn’t see what happens next, but very quickly, Robby has put himself between her and the ICE officer.

“You touch my nurse.” He said lowly, dangerously, “And we’re going to have bigger issues. If you want access to our department, you need a warrant signed by a judge, that is the law. Not a piece of paper signed by one of your own. Until then, get off the property or we call the police.”

“Hey man,” The officer backed off almost immediately, “We don’t want any trouble.”

Gwen rolls her eyes and walks away, thoroughly annoyed, “Asshole.” She mumbles under her breath.

Soon, Robby is jogging to her side, “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” She says, “Did he lunge at me?”

He hesitates, “Yes, but Ahmad and I wouldn’t have let him touch you.”

She almost smirks, “Are you worried I’m going to get scared and bolt?”

“What?” He says quickly, too quickly, “No. No.” He said firmly, “Just making sure you’re okay.”

“Well, Dr. Robby, it’ll take a lot more than a disgruntled ICE officer to get me out of your ER.”

He smiles at her, for the first time, and it sends a flutter to her chest. He had such kind, warm eyes.

“I’ll just have to try harder then, I guess.”

She smirked as they both walked back into central, “Come on, don’t you know a lost cause when you see one?”

He smiles, but grows serious again, “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks quietly, “If you need a break or anything, I would encourage you to do so.”

Gwen shakes her head, “I’m sure you know the rate of assault on nurses?” He nodded, looking down at the ground, “Believe me when I say I’ve had much worse than an attempted hair pull. But I appreciate your concern, truly. It’s… not common in my experience for doctors to treat their nurses with the attention and care you do. To treat the nurses as equals. It doesn’t go unnoticed.” She squeezed his arm and headed back to the hub, announcing to everyone to resume care as normal.

“So,” Robby didn’t hear Collins until she was already next to him, “The new Dana’s pretty badass, don’t you think?”

“Don’t call her that.”

Collins smirked and followed after Robby when he tried to walk away, “Come on, Robby. We’ve all been watching you flirt all shift. Just admit that you like her.”

He sits at his workspace and puts his glasses on, “Did Dana put you up to this?”

“She didn’t have to. It’s more and more obvious by the second.”

Robby sighed and rubbed at his eyes, “Don’t you have patients?”

Collins rolled her eyes, but walked away without another word. In her absence, Robby’s eyes seemed naturally drawn to Gwen. The phone was pressed to her ear, but with the chaos of the ER, he couldn’t hear who she was talking to or what she was saying. While on the phone, she directed some nurses and respiratory therapists looking for patients and supplies. It was uncanny to him how fast she came up to speed, but he supposed spending years in Manhattan would do that. Maybe his ER was a cake walk to her.

Beyond his fascination with Gwen’s professional capabilities, he would be lying if he said he didn’t find her unnervingly attractive. He knew Abbott would be egging him on if he were here, practically begging him to ask her out. If you don’t, I will. He could hear him say. And he couldn’t allow that. He would ask her out for a beer later, he decided. It wasn’t like him to move this fast, to acknowledge his feelings so quickly. More than likely she had someone waiting at home for her anyway. She would let him down gently, professionally, and then he could put this ridiculous pining behind him before it had a chance to really take root. It was genius, really.

Just three hours of the shift left before he could put it to rest.

***

7:17 PM

“Well.” Gwen was standing in front of Robby as he was finishing up charting, hands clasped behind her back and rocking on her heels like a little kid. He had been watching her, so he knew she had already done her rounds with the night shift charge nurse. She had sent Dana home an hour early, insisting she could handle it solo. Dana had given Robby the I told you so look before leaving.

“Well, what?” He asked, not looking up from his chart. 

“Are you impressed? Did I pass?”

He took a deep breath before meeting her eyes. She was flushed and sweating a little from the exertion of the shift. Strands of hair had freed themselves from her claw clip and either stuck to her face or hung loosely around it. Robby thought he might be more attracted to her now than he was a few hours ago.

“You did good, but it’s a long way before I’m impressed.”

She shrugged, “That’s fine, I’m very patient.”

He smiled and rubbed at his beard, “Would you… want to grab a beer with me?”

She blinked, raising her eyebrows in surprise. Here we go, Robby thought to himself and braced himself for the rejection.

“I thought you didn’t like me.”

He frowned, “I never said that.”

Gwen’s eyes narrow as she scrutinizes him and he feels himself beginning to sweat under the weight of her gaze. He wanted her to get it over with, to rip the bandaid, to say no so he could go home and drink alone in front of the TV.

But she didn’t do that.

“Yeah, okay.” She said finally.

“Y-Yeah?” He asked, mostly to confirm that he had heard correctly, “No… significant other or family waiting for you at home?”

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, “Nope. You?”

He couldn’t believe it. How was it that she was all alone? “Not a soul.”

“Ok, well, I’ll meet you in the ambulance bay in five?”

He nodded, still feeling a bit in shock, “Yeah, sure.” 

When she walked away, he watched her hips sway and knew he was in deep shit. 

There was a familiar whistle and then a hand on his shoulder, “Nobody told me Dana’s replacement was hot.”

Robby shrugged off Dr. Abbott’s hand, “Have some respect, brother. She worked the ER during the pandemic in Manhattan.”

“The early days?” Robby nodded and Abbott let out another low whistle, “No shit?”

Robby sighed, beginning to log out of the computer after finishing his final chart, “That’s what I said. But her work today proves it, for sure. She’s a pro.”

“Why come work at the Pitt, then? She could probably have her pick of any hospital with the nurse shortage.”

“No idea. Hoping to find out now, I’m taking her out for a drink.”

“No shit!” Abbott said again, clapping him on the back, “Don’t let me keep you then, go get her Robby.”

***

The bar two blocks away from the hospital was quiet. It was a Tuesday, after all. The lighting was warm and soft and Gwen and Robby had sought shelter in a corner booth in the back.

They were sitting close enough that just a small movement would have their legs pushed together. Gwen tried not to notice, but over the 12 hour shift, she was beginning to wonder how anyone in the ER stopped themselves from having a huge massive crush on the grumpy attending with the kind eyes. She, certainly, was failing miserably.

“So, Dr. Robby, how long have you been at the Pitt?” She asked as she sipped her beer.

He sighed heavily, “I’ve lost track. probably about a decade, at least.”

“And you love it?”

His eyebrows furrow and he gives her a strange look, “That’s an odd question. Do any of us really love it?”

She laughs, “Probably the interns or med students. The way I see it, it’s like an addiction. When you’re fresh and new, nothing can beat the high of an ER shift. And then as the years pass, you keep coming back looking for that same high. And there are good moments. You save someone’s kid, or parent, or friend, or partner. But it never hits quite the same as it did the first time.” She takes a long swig of her beer, “But we still come back each shift, hoping it’ll be the shift that makes us feel the same way it did in the beginning.”

She turns her head back to Robby, “Is it like that for you, too?”

He nods slowly, watching her with awe, “Something like that, yeah.”

Silence falls between the two of them for a few moments, but it’s a comfortable one. Gwen doesn’t notice how Robby has moved marginally closer to her. They’re still not touching, but there’s only a hairsbreadth of space between them.

“Why’d you leave New York?” Robby asked finally.

Gwen chews on the inside of her cheek, peeling at the label on her beer bottle. The glass is cold and wet and the glue from the label comes off with ease.

“Um,” She said finally, “It was hard to be in the same place as I was during covid. The memories, the flashbacks. I needed a change, is all.”

Robby nods, but he thinks she’s not telling him the whole truth, “There was an almost two year gap on your resume, from 2023 to now.”

Her head snaps to him and now he knows for certain she’s definitely hiding something, “I didn’t know you saw my resume.”

“I asked Dana for it halfway through the shift, out of curiosity.”

She turns back to her beer bottle, “Does the gap concern you?”

He shook his head, “No. You obviously know what you’re doing in an ER. I just wonder why someone as talented as you would want a job at the Pitt.”

Gwen’s quiet for a few moments, “I’m from Pittsburgh. My parents live nearby, I wanted to be closer to them.”

It’s a half truth, and they both know it.

“And the gap?” 

She sighs, “Look, it’s not… It’s not something that affects my work, I’m just not comfortable talking about it right now. If that’s okay?”

Robby wants to know everything there is to know about her. But he understands the hesitancy. Who was he to push her to divulge personal information when he has trouble opening up to people he’d known for years? But he would get it out of her eventually.

“Yeah,” He says after a moment, “I understand.”

They talked for a while after about anything and everything. Her parents, his parents. Jake. What types of music she listened to (she loved 90s indie rock, like the Cranberries and Smashing Pumpkins) to how their families celebrated the holidays when they were young. They even delved into religion, discovering that though they both had been raised in organized religion (her, Catholicism; him, Judaism) neither of them believed in God anymore.

“It’s funny, though.” Gwen said, after she finished off her second beer, “During the pandemic I was so desperate for guidance I once found myself wandering into a church after a shift. I sat in a pew and cried for over an hour, repeating prayers I knew under my breath.”

“Did it help?”

She shrugged, “I felt better for a couple of days after. But nothing really changed.”

He nodded, “I do something similar, even now. When I feel at the end of my rope. I think it is… meditative in a way.”

Gwen nods, “Yeah. That’s exactly it.”

They stared at each other, the mutual understanding intoxicating. 

But there was still so much they didn’t know.

Gwen cleared her throat, breaking eye contact first, “I should probably be getting home.”

“Sure,” Robby said, trying to hide his disappointment, “Me too.”

They walked in step until the cool night air hit them. Gwen was so lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t notice the uneven sidewalk until her sneaker caught it and she went flying.

Luckily, Robby’s reflexes were sharp and he reached out immediately to catch her, pulling her to his chest, “Woah,” He laughed, “Didn’t take you for a lightweight.”

“Shit,” Gwen swore, her hands flat against his chest, “I’m sorry.”

She started to move away, but his arms were solid, keeping her secured against him, “No need.” Their eyes locked again and he felt that pull to her that had been nagging at him all day, “Am I crazy,” He said softly, “if I tell you how badly I want to kiss you right now?”

Gwen’s eyes darted down to his mouth and she swallowed, “No.”

Robby lowered his head slowly, painfully slowly, as if he was afraid of scaring her off. Gwen had said earlier that she was patient, but not that patient. She rose on her toes until their lips met. She felt his gasp of surprise, but then he was reacting. One hand on her waist, another cupping her neck as he kissed her hard and slow.

Gwen hadn’t been kissed in something like two years, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had been kissed like this, if she ever had. Robby kissed like there was no one else in the world, but them. He kissed as if he wasn’t quite sure that the sun would rise the next morning. He kissed as if the ocean threatened to swallow them whole. It was all consuming and it made her head spin.

The kiss became hungrier and Robby sucked her lower lip into his mouth, biting the flesh gently. She sighed into his mouth, but the longer the kiss went on, the louder the alarm bells in her head began to ring. 

She broke the kiss, gently pulling away, “Sorry,” She said breathlessly, a hand on his chest, “I, um, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Robby frowned at her, “If you’re worried about the job, don’t. You don’t report to me, you report to the Nursing Director—“

“It’s not that.” She said quickly, “And it’s not you, either. I…” She trails off and then meets his eyes again, “I haven’t dated or done something like this in a long time. I’m not sure that I’m ready. I’m… I’m sorry, I thought I was, but—“

“It’s okay.” He said quickly, putting his hands over hers that were still against his chest, “You don’t have to explain. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Gwen wanted to stay here. She had the overwhelming feeling that once she stopped touching him, she wouldn’t be able to touch him again. But he was stepping away already, dropping her arms and allowing them distance. 

She nodded, “Yes. Tomorrow.”

His eyes roved down to her mouth and then back up to her eyes, “Goodnight, Gwen.” 

And then he was walking away. She watched his figure as he walked down the road, never turning back, until he turned right and disappeared behind a building.

She closed her eyes and sighed, “Fuck me.”

PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR

[erwinsvow]

oh no. a second jack abbot idea has hit erwinsvow. now i’m imagining being the daughter of one of jack’s old friends—army buddy or co-resident or someone he knew in medical school or whatever it may be—and when you start your intern year, you’re ecstatic that one of the attendings is one of your dad’s friends. even though you haven’t seen him all that often through the years, he tells robby to take extra good care of you during the day shift (which always makes you smile… and something else. you don’t know what it is yet). in particular i’m picturing mornings when you’re showing up and the daily “good morning dr. abbot!” “morning, sweetheart.” and then maybe a year goes by like that, and you hear it often enough that it gets to you—how cute jack is (which is getting harder to deny), how everyone seems to know he’s your dad’s buddy and clearly you’re his favorite even though he barely works with you, just the occasional all hands on deck emergency and one spectacular twelve hour shift when robby had the flu and jack covered for him. (was it the best twelve hours of your life, seeing him at every turn, being doted on in front of the others, getting called sweetheart at least once an hour? maybe. maybe.) so you can only imagine your reaction when you find out they really need a resident for night float for the next couple months, and jack even stays late after his shift to talk to you about it. (talk. as if you can pay attention when his curls are messy and he looks tired but he’s still giving you all of his attention and energy and then some. telling you something about a good learning environment and a little slower pacer though not by much and how i take care of my residents.) and a little dumb, a little blindsided you say something like “i don’t doubt it. you always take care of me.” and then you realize what you’ve said and get flustered and decide the best course of action is to walk away after mumbling something about when do i start? and then jack realizes this is a terrible idea—because it was one thing to be sweet on you when you were with the day crew, but it’s something else entirely if you’re going to be with him all night. and he honestly thought his one-sided crush would fade by now. you’re his friend’s daughter for god’s sake. and it’s especially bad since he’s just realized you like him probably as much as he likes you.

[myardentheart]

peaches n' cream

summary: robby learns something about his resident that he absolutely has no business knowing.

word count: 2.3k

warnings: f!reader, implied age gap, camming, masturbation (f & m), a hint of yearning, inappropriate conversations in the workplace, robby is lowkey nosy asf

a/n: hiii :) this is my first time writing in 4 years lol and first time writing smut but the pitt just does something to me so! enjoy :D

robby knows it’s wrong. knows he shouldn’t feel this way for the young, pretty third year resident who is too kind for her own good. he even knows that not a single good thing could come from how he feels. 

but does knowing any of this stop his feelings? no. no it does not.

instead he feels his heart rate pick up just at the sight of you. watching you yawn as you pull your backpack onto your shoulders before giving him a sleepy smile. hand resting on his arm and gently squeezing, “goodnight robby. see you tomorrow!” as you make your way out of the pitt with samira to walk home together.

he thinks he mumbles a, “goodnight,” to you too, but he can’t be sure. he was too busy making sure he doesn’t have a goddamn heart attack in his own er at the sight of your smile.

a patient coming in with a massive hemorrhage means he stays in the er an hour later than he usually does. 

starting his walk home, he pops his earbuds in. letting “trouble blues” by sam cooke play. the walk flies by as he thinks of all the patients he’s had today. the ones he saved and the ones he couldn’t. he knows it’s not his fault but can’t shake the feeling that if maybe he would have just done a little more, they could’ve lived.

getting home, he drops his bag beside the couch and heads straight for the shower. he just stands underneath the warm spray for a few minutes, trying his best to let the day wash off of him—it never quite works—and swirl down the drain. 

when he’s finished, he slips into his pajamas and heads to the kitchen to heat up his leftovers. he sits on his couch, not quite watching the old game he has playing, before he goes to bed.

when he gets in, he just lays there. staring up at the ceiling. the weight of the day—really everyday since he became a doctor—hitting him all at once. every patient from the day he thinks he should have saved or could have saved if he would have just been a bit faster or a bit smarter sinking in on him.

he knows if he doesn’t do something to distract his brain he won’t get any sleep at all. but he hates himself as his mind drifts to you. the only good part of his day. the hatred only grows as he feels the familiar jerk of his cock.

if he were to tell someone what it was about you that captivated him, he would tell them a bit of everything, really. how compassionate you are with patients. how you give everyone your undivided attention as they talk to you. your tenacity to push yourself to always be better than you were the day before. the list goes on. is endless for him really.

which is why he knows it’s wrong when right after thinking of you, his mind drifts to a very inappropriate conversation he overheard between shen and ellis.

“i’m telling you, this website is actually good,” is what shen is telling ellis as they finish filling out their last few charts that morning. 

the only reason shen even thinks to bring this up is because he’s finally finishing up the chart from the girl who came in at 2am with a cucumber she couldn’t remove on her own.

ellis, for reasons she could not tell you—she will blame it on delirium—entertains him asking, “okay? i feel like the bar is pretty low when we’re talking about porn. most things are at the very least decent.”

and shen is shaking his head, “no like… it’s all live stuff, but there’s something for everyone. i’m telling you.”

he— and robby— can both tell she’s not all that sold, but he’s still telling her the website name, just in case.

the website robby hadn’t realized he filed away the name of until this moment. 

the one he currently has open on his phone that he’s holding far away from his face so he can fucking see without his glasses.

and as he’s scrolling through—not finding anything that’s suiting his interests—he’s wondering why the fuck he’s taking advice from shen of all people. indirect and otherwise. 

nearly halfway through the first page is when he stumbles across a cute peaches n’ cream themed starting soon screen and decides to click on it. he won’t admit to himself or anyone else it’s because it reminds him of you.

when he clicks in, all he hears is upbeat lofi music as he wonders what the hell he clicked on before a soft sleepy voice—that sounds a little too familiar—rings out. 

“hiiii! i’m here, sorry guys. my room was a mess. didn’t want to be messy for any of you… at least not yet” 

as she giggles, the screen switches from the starting soon screen to a woman lounging against the pillows on her bed—looking entirely too cozy to be doing what he came here to get—in long sleeved, peach-patterned pajamas. camera angled from her lips down as she sits with her legs criss crossed on her bed.

“i know. i know. very on brand pajamas tonight. peaches for peach!”

that’s when robby knows he’s fucked. he’s thought about you too much and now he’s seeing you in a random woman who goes by peach. in his defense though, she looks just like you. her smile as she welcomes everyone is nearly identical to the one you gave him tonight. the one you’ve given him every night since you started at ptmc, but he convinces himself he’s just seeing what he wants to see.

in any other circumstance, he would have clicked off by now but because she reminds him so much of you, he has to see it through. listens as she thanks everyone for their tips before her lips pull into a pretty pout. one that reminds him of all the times he’s given you cases that you didn’t particularly want and your mouth pulled down before you could feign indifference. 

“tonight’s gonna be a short one. today was so long and i’m so sleepy but i promise to make it good for you.”

robby lets out an amused huff—even as he feels his cock twitch at her promise—at one of the tips telling her she shouldn’t have to work but he likes the answer she gives more as she giggles softly, “that’s very sweet but i love what i do! wouldn’t trade it for anything… but i do need to go to bed sooo let’s get started.”

he watches as she stands up so she can wiggle her pajama pants down her legs before they disappear out of frame. only able to focus on the cute pair of panties that match her pajamas as she sits back down and starts unbuttoning her shirt, smiling sweetly into the camera again as she reads through some comments, “you’re all being so sweet to me tonight! thank you guysss!” 

and he can’t be helped as he lets his hand slide over the bulge in his pajama pants. just palming himself lightly as he watches her shrug her shirt off, tits free and jiggling as she does.

it’s all he can focus on at first before he lets his eyes roam her pretty full lips, the softness of her stomach, her pretty tattoo—two cherries with their stems tied together by a bow with little sparkles around it, right below the inside of her elbow—that he notices as she reaches out of frame.

the tattoo looks a lot like yours. 

in the same place too.

and it hits him like a fucking freight train when he realizes.

she is you.

his hand stills on his cock as he recalls the time he asked you about it.

there’s a chill in the air, not strong enough to make you leave the bench just yet, but enough to make you reach into your bag to grab your jacket.

robby, hyper aware of every move you make, catches sight of the cute little tattoo you have.

can’t help himself when he asks, “what’s it for?”

you look up at him, eyes bright, even if they are a little sleepy, “what? my jacket? ‘s cause i’m a little cold, but i’m enjoying the quiet out here with you.”

the night had ended the way it usually does. a few beers in the park after a particularly long shift. just shooting the shit with everyone, laughing away the hard day.

it didn’t take long for the yawns to roll in and for people to make their exit, leaving only you and robby. 

you, because the stillness of the night was the only way you could decompress after a shift. robby, because he has a soft spot for you. 

which is why he finds amusement in your question as he says, “not the jacket. your tattoo. i’ve been meaning to ask.”

he will not be unpacking the fact that his heart skips a beat as you give him a teasing smile, “you been thinking about me, robinavitch?”

even in the dark of the night, you can see the flush that runs from his cheeks to his neck as he rolls his eyes pretending to be annoyed, “you wish, kid.”

you murmur something under your breath that he can’t hear before telling him, “doesn’t mean anything. i kind of just told the artist to do whatever and when she showed me this, i really loved it so i got it.”

humming his acknowledgement, he nods, while definitively deciding that cherries are his new favorite fruit.

robby knew, from that moment on, he was eternally and royally fucked when it came to all things you.

now though, as you pull a lilac-colored, six-inch dildo into frame, robby knows there’s no coming back from this. you will be irrevocably ingrained in him until you inevitably leave ptmc, and subsequently, him. 

he should close the tab, block this fucking website, turn off his phone, and forget all about this. 

but he does none of the above.

instead he works his pajama pants just below his balls, grateful he didn’t bother putting on boxers tonight as you ask everyone sweetly, “do you guys think i deserve to use this tonight? or should i only be allowed to use my fingers?”

as you read the comments that roll through, you lick up the side of the dildo. the sight of it has robby’s cock twitching, almost like it’s begging for attention it knows it won’t get from you. 

he gives himself the next best thing—his fist—as you read out a tip.

“you’re only allowed to tease yourself with it until you’re a dumb little peach, then use your fingers to cum.”

robby can visualize exactly how your eyes look as you pout at the camera, “you guys are so mean to me.”

and he has no choice but to squeeze at his base as you hum, “you know you like it mean. well yeah but i thought you’d be sweet to me tonight. guess i’ll give you what you want though.”

with that, you’re propping your feet on the bed as you spread your legs wide. running the dildo over your tits and down your stomach before running it over your clothed cunt slowly. 

letting out a soft sigh, you spread your legs even wider which has robby using his thumb to spread precum around his tip. hissing between his teeth as his thumb dips into his slit.

his eyes don’t stray from the screen as you pull the dildo away, just to let it slap against you heavily as you moan softly. before letting your teeth catch your bottom lip. 

you run the tip over your clit before pulling it back again, letting out a quiet whine as it smacks against you. you keep it up until there’s a visible wet patch on your panties and everyone in the chat is begging you to just take them off, so you listen.

using the leverage your pillows give you, you lift your hips and wiggle your underwear down until you can kick them out of frame.

dozens of messages come through telling you how pretty your pussy looks when it’s all messy and wet like this and robby is inclined to agree with every single one of them. 

he squeezes at the base of his cock before giving himself one slow pump upwards, squeezing even tighter right below his base as you whimper quietly, “‘s mean you won’t let me use this. just need to be full of something.”

robby can’t help but think in that moment that he wants to be your something as he watches you sink two fingers inside your tight, wet cunt. 

the moan of relief you let out at finally being full has his balls tightening already. he knows he’s not going to last as he matches the steady pace you fuck yourself to.

but it doesn’t take any time at all for you to find your spot as you curl your fingers, palm rubbing against your clit.

when you lift your hips to grind against your hand, robby knows there is absolutely no hope for him to ever recover from this. but he can’t even think about that as you squeak out, “‘m gonna cum. holy fuck i’m–”

and he is right there with you. not taking his eyes off his phone, just adjusting the angle as his cum splatters all over his chest. 

his vision whites out just a bit and when he comes back to, he sees you stuff your slick-covered fingers into your mouth after saying something, but he can’t hear you for the ringing in his ears.

instead of staying to figure it out, he’s making quick work of closing the tab and turning off his phone as if it will erase what he’s done but he knows it won’t. 

the only thing he does know is that he won’t be able to resist the urge to come back tomorrow night.

[asxgard]

Companionship | pt. 14

Dr. Michael “Robby” Robinavitch x f!reader

Previous | Next

Summary: You two have a little getaway.

[ Series Masterlist ]

Note: This took a hot minute lol I kept rewriting the first bit even after the rest was written, and then my dog got a bad infection (he’s okay now). It’s been a time lol I hope you enjoy!

Thank you for all the comments, likes and reblogs last chapter💜

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: age gap, SMUT (MINORS DNI), p in v, oral (f! receiving), fingering, light dirty talk, pet names (honey, sweetheart, my love), foul language

not beta read

On the night of Michael’s birthday, he grew more reserved. Dinner came and went with you trying to coax him back out of his shell — and you hoped it was only his nerves about you meeting his friends afterwards. You were nervous enough for the both of you, but you began to worry he was having second thoughts.

In the car, he said, “I’m nearly twice your age now.”

You leaned back into the passenger seat with a long sigh. You both sat quietly for several moments, Michael staring out the window while you rubbed your thumb along your other palm. The age gap seemed to hold steady over your heads — even as you were falling in love. He was now closer to nineteen years older rather than eighteen, and would be until your birthday later in the year. It was clear the near two decades were weighing on him.

You reached over to grab his hand, “And so what? We’ve discussed this.”

Michael ran his other hand over his face, letting out a huff of air. “I don’t want to steal your youth.”

“Michael, you’re not stealing anything.” You told him, “This is a two way street. One I’m actively choosing.”

He didn’t say anything, just kept looking out at the parking lot. He squeezed your hand with a heavy sigh.

“Do you feel like I’m stealing something from you? I don’t know…I haven’t fully gotten my life together yet, I’m still waiting to get my certifications…I can’t always be there in a way someone older might be able to—”

His eyes were on you while he shook his head, “Not at all. That’s not…I want you as you are.”

You held his gaze and smiled, trying to convey the same sentiment, “That’s what I want, too.”

“I’m sorry. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy or normal. I don’t want to keep chasing you away, I just wasn’t expecting to feel this way today.”

“Well, I’d rather you tell me what's going on in your head rather than bury it.”

He nodded, “And what happens when I turn 50?”

“That’s five years away. It’s not like I’m immune to aging…I’ll age five years, too.” You said. “And I’d hope we’d have made a life together by that point. We can deal with how you feel about it together.”

“I like the sound of that.”

You smiled, and he leaned over to kiss you.

The drive to the bar was quiet, but nerves had invaded your belly at meeting people from Michael’s life. You had been able to learn how to handle the judgment from strangers, but it felt like a whole new ballgame with people in his life.

Jack was tough to read, and it felt like Dana had been an easier sell. Her husband, Benji, had been easy enough to talk to, and took some of the conversational weight off your shoulders. Perhaps since he also did not work in the hospital, or perhaps he took pity on you, either way, it was relieving.

When asked about it, you told them about school and graduating — but it made you feel too young. One could attend university at any time in their life, but all of them had finished closer to when you were born. You tried not to be uncomfortable about it.

“How did you guys meet?” Benji asked, sipping his beer.

Your eyes flickered up to Michael, trying to conceal your alarm. Why hadn’t you discussed it? Did he want to tell them the truth or—

“Coffee shop. Our orders got mixed up.” Michael supplied, the lie passing easily from his lips.

Though, you had met at a coffee shop, so it wasn’t a straight up lie.

You forced a smile looking back to Benji, “We ended up talking for a while and I gave him my number.” Again, not a total lie, but your cheeks burned.

Dana’s eyes moved back and forth between you, “You could’ve told me she was your girlfriend when she came in, Robinavitch. No need for all that secretive VIP crap.”

You watched Michael cringe slightly at the use of his full name.

“I wasn’t yet.” You interjected, smiling shyly. “It took awhile for us to figure that part out.”

The night continued after with less pressing questions and easier small talk. They each traded stupid stories about patients, or the weirdest thing they found swallowed or inserted on x-ray. With Benji there, it made you feel less out of the loop, and he waved them off.

“Don’t you guys work there enough to not talk about it after hours?” Benji asked.

“Never after hours.” said Jack with a shrug.

Michael rolled his eyes playfully, “Fine, fine — how’re the kids?”

Another hour and they were all departing. Dana pulled you into a quick hug, whispering, “You’re good for him.” in your ear. You had grinned wide, relief flooding your system as you thanked the woman. Everyone parted ways after, and Michael took your hand as you walked to his car.

“They all seem like good people. I hope they liked me.”

Michael kissed the side of your head, “Of course they did. You make it easy.”

Your eyes met his brown, “You think so?”

“I know so.”

Before opening the passenger side door, he turned you around. He was fidgety, his hand growing clammy while the other rubbed the back of his neck.

“You okay?” You asked tentatively, squeezing his hand.

He cleared his throat, “I can’t really even begin to tell you how much I enjoy our time together, how much I enjoy you. I’ve—this hasn’t been easy and we had a rough start, but I’m glad you’re in my life. I love you.”

Your breath caught and you stared at him wide-eyed. Your heart thudded hard against your ribs and you reminded yourself to breathe.

When your thoughts returned, you smiled at him, “I love you, too, Michael”

—

“You sure know how to play the long con.” You said, eyes still bleary from the early morning as trees raced by.

Michael looked over at you with an eyebrow raised, before looking back at the road.

“Murder me in a cabin in the woods?” You elaborated, “Peaceful, quiet. It’d be great if it wasn’t so cliche.”

Michael laughed loudly, shaking his head. “Does that have anything to do with the documentary you insisted on watching last night?”

You had barely been able to fall asleep until Michael had pulled you into his arms, making you feel safe and protected. You loved those documentaries, despite how dark they were, or how many lights you had to turn on to get through them.

You sipped your coffee, “Of course not.”

“I see far too much blood and guts on a daily basis; I’d never spoil the cabin like that.” He said, tone momentarily slipping into something serious. “Besides, I like you too much. Thought I’d keep you around.”

You laughed, “How romantic.”

“I’m plenty romantic!” He said with a smile, “Cabin in the woods, a fire, good wine, the works. I even remembered to snag your favorite rom-coms from your apartment last week.”

You hid your grin by glancing out the window at the world speeding by. “And to think, you did all that to take me fishing…”

“You said you wanted to learn!”

Laughing, you said, “No harm in trying something once.”

He reached over the center console to grab hold of your hand, “I’m glad we’re getting some time away. It’ll be nice to not worry about work for a bit…”

“Or studying.” You added, intertwining your fingers. “Thank you for bringing me, I’ve been looking forward to it.”

He smiled softly, and you thought about all the feelings swirling in your chest. All of them easily spelling out love. Even after confessing it to each other weeks ago, it still felt new and exciting. Like everything had finally clicked into place after dancing around it forever.

His cabin was miles off the highway, found after traveling several winding roads, a long driveway nestled between towering trees. The trees eventually gave way to the cabin, quaint but with plenty of character. A picnic bench sat to the right of the structure, where a set of stairs led into a screened in porch. A large built in firepit sat several feet away from it.

The back door opened onto the porch, which held an outdoor dining table and a few outdoor loungers. The land began to slope downward right where the porch started, free of trees that made the view of the mountains all the easier to take in. The forest picked back up again about a quarter of a mile down, where it seemed the land leveled out again. Jutting out just slightly from the cabin was a storage closet, holding some cushions for said loungers, an umbrella for the table, and some odds and ends.

You took a deep breath in, and leaned into Michael when you breathed out. It was quiet and serene, the silence only filled by birds and buzzing insects. You could only slightly see one of his neighbor’s houses through the trees, but otherwise, it was completely private.

“You sure do know how to pick ‘em.”

Michael looked at you and smiled, “Yeah, I do.”

—

After an unsuccessful fishing trip, a hike and a long soak in the clawfoot tub, you emerged in the kitchen to see what Michael was doing. Uncooked burgers sat on parchment paper on a sheet tray, while Michael was putting a bowl of pasta salad in the fridge.

You followed after him and sat on one of the loungers while Michael cooked the burgers. He was humming an old blues song while you took in the view of the retreating sun over the mountains.

Dinner was spent under the sky, with quiet banter and easy conversation — and you savored more than just the meal. Pittsburgh could be busy, messy and complicated, but stepping back in a secluded cabin, you knew you wouldn’t change a thing about your life.

Cleaning up dinner, you both settled on the couch, turning on one of the rom-coms he had brought — How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days — and you curled into his side.

By the time the credits were rolling, you found yourself in his lap, kissing up his neck while his hands explored your figure. Your heart sped up in your chest, moving your hands to his hair. You tried not to grind your hips into his, trying to be slow — but your mind grew hazy with lust.

“Mike.” You breathed against his lips, half a whine, half a plea.

Like he could read your mind, his hands were on your hips, pushing just enough to where you got the hint and stood up. Your lips never left his, even as he led you to the bedroom, hand in your hair.

Once on the bed, Michael removed your pants and trailed kisses up your inner thigh. Your face heated and you suppressed the urge to beg him to move faster. You never wanted to rush him, to be painfully young in wanting it all without the chance to savor it, but his hot breath on your skin and his teeth nipping at your flesh made you feral. You were already squirming before he even situated himself to your wet heat.

Discarding your panties, Michael left a wet kiss to your clit, and you jolted at the sensation. One of his hands traveled up your torso to grab hold of your breast, fingers twirling around the nipple, while his other was locked around your knee. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, and you took in a deep breath to steady yourself.

Your clit was throbbing, spurred on by the sensation on your nipple. He held your gaze as he licked a stripe from your entrance to your clit. You moaned, gripping the wrist that was at your breast and held onto him like it would keep you tethered.

His tongue was an expert, and always left you seeing stars — your orgasm never taking very long, especially not when his fingers rubbed at that spongy spot inside you. He sucked, licked and devoured everything you gave him like a man starved, and it thrilled you more to know he was enjoying it. Even when he was being slow or teasing, he never seemed to mind how long it took.

Michael’s fingers curled upwards, tongue tracing circles on your clit until the wave took you in. You cried out his name, fingers in the bed sheets while the heat barreled through your system. He had a habit of not stopping, even when you grew overstimulated, sometimes eagerly even trying to coax a second out of you.

This time, though, you pulled him up to kiss him hungrily. The taste of yourself on his tongue made your thoughts stutter, before bringing him closer.

Without warning, you flipped you both so Michael was on his back and he stared up wide-eyed at you. Your shirt was easily discarded.

He smirked, hands going to your hips while you undid his pants. Pulling off his shirt, he pulled you in for a quick kiss. He was straining against his boxers, hard and immediately at attention when you pulled back his boxers. You were quick with the condom before steadying yourself over him. You leaned down to place a delicate kiss to his lips.

You sunk down on him slowly, hissing as you adjusted to his size, hands on his chest. He groaned low in his throat and you pulsed at the sound, your hips meeting his.

“Yeah? Like hearing what you do to me, sweetheart?”

You grinned, nodding dumbly, pulling his hands from your hips up to your breasts. To be so full of him made your eyes water and you threw your head back to try to find your breath again.

“Feels so good.” You moaned, looking back into his eyes.

You moved up slowly, before grinding back down and trying to find a pace you liked. Michael stared up at you, eyes dark, meeting you halfway with thrusts of his own. Heat coiled low again, pooling throughout your abdomen.

Michael moved a hand to your clit to rub lazy circles, and it burned deliciously — overstimulation yielding to pleasure. You moaned, moving up just enough for him to brush against that spot inside you.

“You look so good like that, honey. Fuck, you ride my cock so well.”

Your pussy fluttered at the words, eyes screwing shut. You felt lost in the winding euphoria coiling tighter. Michael gripped your hip while keeping his thumb rubbing your clit, thrusting up into you as you grew tighter and tighter.

Michael choked out a moan, and you hummed a mewl as you approached your climax.

“Mike—Mike—“ you whined, “So close—don’t stop, please.”

“Gonna fill you up, my love, come on. Come on my cock, know you want to.” He ground out. “You look so pretty when you do.”

You moaned low when the coil snapped and the white-hot heat invaded your vision and took over your senses. It rushed throughout your body and a single tear escaped the corner of your eye.

Michael was relentless after that, even as you were whining from the overstimulation, he kept going. Chasing his own high, but he never let up on your clit.

You felt completely blindsided by your third orgasm, rolling off the waves of your second until you were fluttering around him again. Crying out and squirming, you met a few of his thrusts in a cock-drunk daze.

Pleasure contorted Michael's face until he was coming with you, a groan low in his throat. His thrusts grew sloppy until they slowed. He twitched and you felt the warmth of it inside you, blooming upwards.

Your hairline was wet with sweat, and you breathed heavily. You leaned down to lay on his chest, his cock still stuffed inside you, but it had pleasure still echoing in your system.

Moving your head to his shoulder, Michael kissed your forehead. One hand trailed light lines up and down your spine, while you kept your hands on his biceps trying to catch your breath.

“I don’t think I ever wanna leave.”

Michael chuckled lightly, and brought you in for a kiss.

[ Next ]

want to join any of my taglists? shoot me a message!

Companionship taglist: @queenslandlover-93 @clementine111002 @virgomillie @emily-b @kaygilles @lt-jakeseresin @imonmykneessir @kniselle @gabsgabsvaz @rosiepoise88 @calivia @holdonimwalkingmysnail @valhallavalkyrie9 @blahkateisdone @shadowhuntyi @fuckalrighty @elli3williams @yournerdmodziata @i-know-i-can @dickheadturner @dcgoddess @pittobsessed @glamorizethechaos @blueb33ry-cat @whatdoesntkillyoumakesyoustrange @burningpenguinwitch @evienorville @equallyshaw @heyysolsister @justrandomthougt @babygirlagenda @lauracantsleep @rogersbarnesxx @longlivecandice @misshoneypaper @moonshooter @catmomstyles3

Dr. Robby taglist: @cherriready @seeyalaterinnovator @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @bxxbxy @18lkpeters @flyinglama @hagarsays @mayabbot @anakingreys @happyfox43 @dark-twisted-and-mechanical-mind @sarah-the-bird-nerd @girl-obsessed-with-things

(50 tags have been reached with the combo of all three taglists, so unfortunately some of Dr. Robby & all of The Pitt taglist for this series will be added in a reblog right after this is posted - I’m sorry if this is an inconvenience!)

I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with bigger age gaps since this started. Sometimes I forget I aged Michael down slightly lol

Robby’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day up next!

[dykesynthezoid]

No but funniest part about Robby potentially mentoring Santos in the future is that ofc she’s still very cagey about trusting authority although getting better, and I’m sure Robby while making progress w her is like yaaay look at her taking instructions better and trusting her superiors more this is going great! I’m not a bad mentor after all! It’ll be fine if I learned nothing about what happened with Langdon and start deriving my self worth and emotional stability from this bc I see her as a reflection of me! 100% not realizing that the instant she becomes fully comfortable with him it will be his ass that’s getting called out for his bullshit. I can picture his shocked pikachu face perfectly. It’s beautiful