#and I'm beginning to understand why
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Well, one thing about taking on my church's library is that I'm finally actually being forced to learn at least part of the Dewey Decimal system. Eventually. I'm still so confused.
#faith talks#i've never figured it out tbh#and I'm beginning to understand why#the unabridged 200s guidebook is 84 pages long alone#like holy cow#one day#i will actually have the catalogue fully updated#and can move on to sorting the church history info#cause that is stored in the library too
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#murderbot#i'm beginning to understand why everyone finds murderbot so relatable#david's in this but i'm posting here bc too tiny#murderbot tv
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#wind waker#loz#zelda#beedle#linktober#link#aquanutart#day 1: merchant#i really liked beedle in the wind waker he just always seemed so genuinely enthusiastic and happy to see you#i thought his compliment card was hilarious. i always bought a lot of bait anyway to complete my sea chart#and because i liked messing around as a bird i guess i'd buy hyoi pears; so i always racked up enough points without really trying#however i wasn't a fan of what they did with his character in games after that. he became pressuring and insincere#i understand why people would find a two-faced salesman character funny or interesting in his own right#but it's the opposite of what i originally liked about him#unfortunately this makes me question whether it was meant that way to begin with?#i don't know but i like to believe wind waker beedle actually meant his enthusiasm#back when ww beedle was the only beedle i always meant to show appreciation for him so i'm doing that now
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Animation commission I guess...
Um... ha-ha, okay, it has been stuck in my head for the whole month, but if I will keep it any more I will explode, I need to busy my brain even more I'd like to take an animation commission. Like, a fully colored, shaded, with lightning, with in-betweens, with the clean line (and background). Up to 5 seconds depending on what you want to get I guess the price may start from 250$ and be higher or less depending on complexity of the details, character or movement (<- of course everything will be negotiated) I never took such commissions before so please be patient with me since I might spend even months ha-ha (really wanna beat this fear of taking something more complex) But I will do my best since it will be first experimental time for me 1. Payment via Boosty after acceptance of the sketch animation (very rough idea) 2. I think I can draw mostly anything (but won't 18+, guro and I can decline something if I feel like I will not like to do it) 3. You must have a reference of the character, I'm not ready to work with something that doesn't have a ref to start working right away 4. Please, properly think of what you'd like to see, I will not make 3 different rough animations of different ideas because you suddenly had another idea ;~;; 5. Note me in dms if you'd like to take commission... (I'd like to move to discord later since it's more comfortable in here) Uh... I have only this as a more or less proper example (it was based on amazing storyboard by yeye23)
Okay, I'll just leave it here if someone really will be interested and will delete if it if it will be decided.... I just feel like my brain is dying if I don't have an enjoyable/stressful more complicated work on a side that demands an attention from me. Have a nice day
#I just...#I have what to do#Plenty of what to do#But it doesn't stress me enough to make my brain work#Such kind of commissions give me both a boost of work and enjoyment because of the process#So... yeah ah my brain is very much lacking it right now#And I think it will be interesting to finally do something complicated again but more properly#from the very beginning#I need an experience while I have time to pay attention to it#commission#I'm still not very confident to take money for these kind of works so I need to understand what pricing is okay for what I'm able to do wit#animation...#*opens the door*#*leaves the stage*#hahhh my dear life why did you give me such a lazy brain...
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jealousy really is the driving force of DamiTim as a ship. love that for them. love how Tim has the Robin mantle ripped away from him and he has to suffer the jealousy of watching Dick and Damian bond. how possessive over Dick Tim can be, to have him stolen by Dick.
even more so though, is the jealousy from Damian. how on earth do you cope when you finally get to be Robin, a role you've convinced is your birthright, and no one really likes you? every prefers the Robin who came before you? Dick regularly reminds you that he can always go and call Tim back when you act out? like the complex Damian has over Tim is unreal. Tim, who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had everything handed to him his whole life. he never had to struggle or fight for his place like Damian did. Damian has spent his whole life fighting and proving himself, and yet he can't ever seem to truly claw the mantle of Robin away from Tim. even when Tim lets it go, becomes Red Robin, they seem to share it. Tim can slip back into the role of Robin whenever someone like Dick or Bruce need him to, because *he's* the Robin who they need. he's the Robin who was able to find Bruce. he's the Robin that Ra's wants an heir out of. he's the Robin who even Jason respects. in Damian's eyes, everything Damian has fought tooth and nail for, was handed to Tim.
so of course he's going to react to Tim with violence and aggression, especially after finding out Tim has contingency plans for him. no matter how much Damian proves himself, he's never going to be enough, especially not to Tim. and so his deep refusal to see Tim as family, to acknowledge Tim's legacy is all driven by such an angry jealousy. Tim understands aspects of Bruce's legacy that Damian doesn't, like the need to sweet talk and play nice with the elites of Gotham, even if they're corrupt. they exemplify different aspects of Robin, and the aspects that Tim exemplifies are the aspects that Damian knows he'll never fully understand and therefore holds such a deep contempt for. he wants to fight criminals, not play nice with politicians. Tim understands the side of Gotham that's utterly foreign to Damian. if anything, he represents that side of Gotham, to Damian. a pretty little rich boy who's nothing but a know-it-all and not a real son of Bruce. he can't be a Wayne. he can't be Damian's family.
and all of that angry jealousy leading to unhealthy obsession turned a weird, angry crush from Damian is just my bread and butter. that is how DamiTim should be. to me. Damian obsessed over hating Tim Drake so much he accidentally ends up sort of in love with him and that only makes Damian angrier. because he can't prove everyone right by *also* liking Tim. he can't let Ra's win like that, because frankly why wouldn't Ra's be delighted by Damian and Tim getting together. and it builds and builds with angry passive aggression towards Tim that culminates in angry hate-fucking-that's-not-just-driven-by-hate. love and hate are always viewed as opposites in shipping and i think they're the same intense passion just in different directions. and for the best ships, they're very intertwined. what is DamiTim is not the peak of that. "i put so much of myself into hating you i had no choice but to fall in love with you somewhere along the way" core. love that bleeds into hate and hate that bleeds into love. "you make me so angry i regularly passively try to kill you but not with any real effort because who would i obsess over if you were actually gone" core. murder attempts as a form of courting. contingency plans to take each other out as a love language. they're unwell.
#necrotic festerings#damitim#timdami#tim drake x damian wayne#damian wayne x tim drake#also possibly a hint of dicktim at the beginning there#i have yelled at my partner about them nonstop#so i had to put the thoughts into a tumblr post to give them peace.#i clearly favor tim in my ships we don't need to talk about it#tim drake is so weird he makes everyone else weird about him by proxy.#like sir contain that aura it's making everyone mentally ill.#i'm not a hamilton girlie at all which is why it makes me so mad Wait For It is SUCH good song for damian#like that song just IS his complex over tim#whether canon or shipping#this pulls from a variety of canon btw#like yeah mostly pre-flashpoint#but i do think the fact that in current comics canon tim keeps defaulting back to being robin#must make damian SO mentally unwell#like oh that does not help your jealousy complex does it.#and the thoughts of tim understanding the elite in ways damian doesn't are inspired by the boy wonder (2024)#which GOD is the first modern comic to fucking understand how tim and damian actually feel about each other#in a way that isn't either cartoonishly evil or makes them make up too easily#ugh. juni ba your mind.#anyway the complex damian has over tim. is fucking wild.#bc like everyone uses it to woobify poor tim for being attacked by big mean damian#which first of all stop taking panels out of context#second of all#dude no WONDER damian has a complex. i'd hate tim's ass too!!!#when i was reading batman & robin (2009) and dick casually says he can still call tim when damian acts out#what kind of threat IS that dick. sir.
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ough messing around with ideas for her revival body and making myself ill

#i'm beginning to understand why so many folks use ksuv now too#with some of the skin mods i want to slap on her in the future it might make sense#oc: vaye durand#cyberpunk 2077
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Sorry to bring this up on your dash, but I don't know how to get this specific moment out of my head. Those vicious, vicious kicks and.. and a broken, unresisting, shuddering-bundle-on-the-floor Sherlock. The sheer hatred and rage emanating from John! It baffles me, like what did he even do to you, John? WHAT? Where's all this hellish rage coming from? The Fall? Mary's Death?
Makes no sense to me, not to such an extent, but perhaps I would've understood the hurt, the pain, the frustration of it all - if it was just that. But it's not. It's such blind, hateful, out-to-kill rage that I see in this instant here and it unsettles me deeply. John looks like he wants to crush Sherlock up, people literally had to drag him away. How do you hate someone, anyone with such intensity, let alone a friend who has lived, died, killed for you?
#sherlock#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#john watson#as disturbing and frankly haunting this scene is#i'm even more disturbed by the amount of people who think it was okay or justified or even understandable#or there's some way for things to return to normal between them#because there isn't - can one even come back from hating someone so viciously?#there's no way they could believably be anything- even friends after this - especially in the absence of an apology or even acknowledgement#i understand the desire of a happy ending for our beloved duo despite everything#but they really cease to be a duo after this#and the only “happy” endings for them are those that exist in pre-S4 or S4-doesn't-exist fics#which is why TFP - if it is an ending - is so unsatisfying and anything that comes after it is doomed to be so too#unless they just discard S4 and begin anew (which of course isn't happening)#for now the end of bbc sherlock is that J and S remain in an extremely toxic “friendship”#which breaks my heart because they're meant to be the most iconic duo ever in every universe they inhabit :(
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Hiiiii. Sorry I disappeared for two days the doc said absolutely no screentime at all for at least that long. Recovery is going. Very slowly but I'll make it
Also I'm announcing my hiatus of one week as foreshadowed because the exam's still coming up and I need to focus what little brainpower I have. Shall be back. Everyone take care ✌️
#💬 rory rambles#I understand what she meant it's been a half hour or so catching up on my social media notifs and my brain feels like it's being cooked#my eyes won't focus right and I do not feel like I am experiencing reality but they wouldn't do shit with me in the hospital#so I'm playing the waiting game#brains are just wrinkled meat jelly... why are they so fragile#laptop fans started kicking in and you know. I wish my skull could do that#I feel like we'd be way more efficient#it's been FOUR DAYS I cannot begin to tell you how miserable each of them were. but we stay silly /ref
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I hate when people are like "I already didn't like xyz so it's not difficult for me to boycott it unlike those loser customers that actually Liked the thing which I could never understand bc I was never a customer uwu" bc like. That literally isn't boycotting lmao. That is just Never Being A Customer In The First Place, which means nothing actually.
Boycotts are primarily about applying pressure (or completely making it impossible to operate) via financial/commercial/economic impact. AKA it's about money and capital.
If you already weren't spending money on a product/franchise/company, then you were already never part of their sales data, and you just doing nothing & making absolutely no change to your daily life and just continuing to not be part of their sales data as normal, has literally no material impact. You were already never a factor. The people who WERE customers & WERE part of the sales data & ARE withdrawing their money from those sales figures actually ARE making a material impact.
"Supporting" something isn't about vibes or thoughts or feelings or you telling your best friend how much you like a thing, "support" in a meaningful sense is specifically material. It is financial. Refusing to continue supporting something means taking the money you were previously spending on it & putting it elsewhere. If you were never spending money, you were never supporting it, and therefore it doesn't make any difference if you continue to not support it. Boycotting is something CUSTOMERS and CONSUMERS do.
SO STOP FUCKING BRAGGING ABOUT IT & STOP MAKING FUN OF PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY ARE BOYCOTTING FOR "EVER LIKING XYZ TO BEGIN WITH" & STOP SPREADING THIS FALSE IDEA OF HOW BOYCOTTING WORKS LMAO sorry for capslocking I remembered I was annoyed
I just hate this low-morale mean-spirited bullshit some people do in the notifs on boycotting info posts where they arbitrarily moralize about something they just don't understand so they can pat themselves on the back for doing literally literally nothing AND inadvertently spreading misinfo in the process. Be quiet. Go do something that matters. There are plenty of posts going around, including from Palestinians themselves, with lists of references for how to help Palestine & other similar causes for people currently in crisis, please please do something For Real instead of boasting online about your fandom superiority complex as if it means anything.
#txt#It's annoying but more than that it shows that you have no desire to understand how meaningful action actually WORKS#You are not DOING anything you literally have no right to try to demean ANYONE who actually IS.#anyway just saw a comment on a post that annoyed me. I'm normal again sorries.#Like I'm a comics fan but I HATE the MCU so I was never going out and watching MCU movies anyway#I can't “boycott” CA4 bc I was never a customer to begin with. That's just me not watching another movie like it's a regular day.#But I CAN spread information about the boycott in hopes that people who might be actual consumers will see it & decide to boycott#& I can do that without insulting them bc if they're boycotting then they are engaging with more material action than I am on that issue.#But like it's not even really the insulting I care about so much as the “bragging about doing nothing (& spreading an incorrect idea of how#boycotting works in the process)” that actually bothers me most#BE WARNED THIS IS NOT A WELL-THOUGHT OUT INFORMATIONAL POST OR ANYTHING#so I may have worded things dumb/awkwardly bc I'm frustrated and I didn't like Plan Out this post#I made it on the fly in 5 minutes after getting annoyed about something I have seen enough times to be frustrated about it#coincidentally this whole post also doubles as me explaining why piracy isn't a real crime#it's a fake crime made up by people who care about Theoretical Money They Could Maybe Have but has no basis in material reality
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i wish i could organize a timkon giftswap or week or whatever event, but like only for people who actually care about kon as a character, without coming off as a gatekeeping asshole or something lmao
#rimi talks#i really love doing collaborative event stuff. however the horrors#timkon giftswap but in the signup form i put ''whats your favorite issue of superboy (1994)? how about robin (1993)?''#<- see that would get me branded a gatekeeper and asshole. but also hear me out............#you see........ the timkon tag is a fucking nightmare................#timkon giftswap but in the signup form i go ''lex luthor bernard dowd and jason todd are banned from this event btw''#i can't. i'm not strong enough. ksdjhfjkdhskj#but i WISH i could bc i do love events and collabs!!!! im just. SO tired of everything timkon being so shitty and ooc#bc like. the people who don't read comics latched onto timkon as The Tim Yaoi Ship™#instead of . like. reading comics and understanding why people like tim and kon's relationship to begin with#augh....... alas. i shall never run a timkon event. it simply cannot be done. but i can yearn silently in my heart
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I have things I should be working on but I'm too busy wondering what a Low or High Kochanski would be like
#Does anyone know if there are any fics/posts about this concept? I probably just haven't run into them#Especially enamored by the idea of Low Kochanski. What would she be like?#Since- as established in The Inquisitor a few episodes beforehand- conceptions of morality/worth/etc. are emphasized as being subjective#that's how I've always approached the Lows: as manifestations of what *the characters* feared was the worst about themselves#shaped by social/cultural expectations#(that's probably why though I understand some people's discomfort towards the stereotypes Low Rimmer exhibits#I was less critical towards it because it says more about Rimmer's psyche than anything)#What would Kochanski see as the worst in herself?#I keep thinking about the tags someone left on the post about Kochanski perhaps feeling guilty about how her Dave changed for her#That mentioned the possibility of her going so far as to change Lister's peogram to align to her personality and her needs#I personally don't think she would do that. But! That doesn't mean that she hasn't thought about it. Maybe at some point in the beginning#So I'm leaning this manipulative Machiavellian sort of Low Kochanski. One that's coldly efficient and calculating#Which I think would suit the others well#The Lows of The Boys are sadistic animalistic primal#There's something chaotic to their immorality#I think Low Kochanski could stand in contrast to that. A member of the Low crew that is not driven by emotion. One that is ordered#And I think that would make her threatening in a different way#Anyways that's just my opinion :) Curious to hear what others think!#Red Dwarf#Kristine Kochanski#Original Post
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You know when I originally suggested that maybe Dragon is the one who gave Crocodile his scar and/or took his left hand --if only because [Dragon not recognizing the big scary man with a baby when he was supposed to go see his wife, assuming the worst and acting accordingly] would make for an A-Class tragedy and great fucking drama (something which I would expect to see in One Piece)-- I wasn't fully convinced with the idea, I just considdered it just another option on What Could Have Happened between those two to get us where we are ...But the more I think about it, the more I've started to kind of believe it. And for two key reasons, first being kind of everything we know about Whitebeard, and the second being the basic logistics around the suggested scenario to begin with
By which I mean; if Dragon had indeed gone to see his wife so he could deliver their newborn baby to Garp, but instead came face-to-face with a man he had never seen before but who just happened to have the exact same and very specific facial scar as his wife and/or the same god damn hook... Like I can't say he SHOULD be able to recognize Crocodile instantly, but also, surely either of those features would make him stop for a moment think and/or talk before he'd jump into action, let alone if the man had both the scar and the hook. Of course, there is an argument to be made that maybe Crocodile had a smaller hook originally that no longer fit on his wrist after getting jacked so maybe Crocodile just wasn't wearing any hook at all, and a missing limb isn't an unusual disability on its own, at least not enough to faze Dragon. And who knows, maybe the two were supposed to meet on a dark and stormy night, in which case between the low light and the rain it could've been hard for Dragon to see any scars on Crocodile's face from a distance. These are both reasonable arguments, absolutely. But, as I have mentioned a few times before, sometimes the path of least resistance might be the most likely option as far as story speculation goes. If Crocodile had both his hands and no scar on his face, then Dragon wouldn't have had any way to immidiately and instantly recognize Croc (aside from his fashion sense) as he would've been missing (what we would now considder) his most distinquishing features. Which would it much easier for Dragon to jump into action and attack the strange man without a second thought.
And then there's Whitebeard. Whitebeard, who was kind of famous for stomping rookie pirates only to invite them to join his crew as his "sons", but who also had a weird thing about not having women in his crew (his nurses aside), because he believed "women do not belong on a battlefield". For one, that actually kind of supports the "Crocodile is openly trans" theory because, again, how the fuck would Croc have been pre-t AND stealth as a Wardlord getting his shit kicked in by Whitebeard? Like it's not impossible, as we have discussed many times before (and that is not the point of this post!!), but once again it would be easier to just assume Crocodile was still living as a woman at this point in time. And indeed, that could answer the question of "why would Whitebeard not invite Crocodile into his crew to be one of his children like Ace and everyone else?". If Croc was still living and presenting as a woman at this point, Whitebeard would not have even wanted him in his crew. (Sidenote but since Whitebeard seemed to have no issues with Jinbei hanging around the Moby Dick despite being a Warlord I don't think Crocodile's Shichibukai status should've had any impact on WB's ability to invite him to his crew. To be fair though, Jinbei did join the Shichibukai much later so it is possible WB could've just changed his position on the subject over the years) And that leads to this question; if Whitebeard has that kind of views on women, then would he ever go as far as to severely injure and scar (someone he viewed as) a woman right on their face? With an attack that could have very easily chopped Crocodile's entire head in half like a god damn burger bun if he weren't careful? Do you think Whitebeard would have chopped Crocodile's left hand off and left him permanently disabled if he viewed him as a woman who shouldn't be a fighter to begin with? Yes, to be fair, we do not know the circumstances under which Crocodile challenged Whitebeard into a fight and what kind of a pirate Crocodile had been up until that point, what his reputation had been and if he had done anything in particular to invite Whitebeard's wrath (much like Kid and Barto with Shanks). Like for all we know he could've done something truly heinous and fucked up enough that Whitebeard thought teaching him a lesson was justified.
Just, looking at all of these notes together, I can't help but to feel that it's actually very plausible Dragon could be the one responsible for one of Crocodile's injuries if not both (if Crocodad Real).
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Dragodile#Also yeah if Dragon did Do That to Croc then that would explain why they PRESUMABLY haven't seen nor talked to each other in like 19 years#Like how would you feel if you found out you almost killed your beloved and left him permanently disabled. How would you ever even apologiz#How would you ever go about begging for forgiveness from someone else when you'd probably never be able to forgive YOURSELF to begin with#Like yes it would have been a tragic accident but also like. That's your significant other. Or at least WAS.#You know me I'm a sucker for Tragic (and Extremely Divorced) Dragodile#Sitenote but if Crocodile hadn't even figured out his Gender Shit yet when fighting Whitebeard then like#Whitebeard beating his ass but refusing to do anything drastic because he didn't want to "hurt a woman'' would like#Like that might not crack an egg but god damn would that fucking feel BAD (in a way he didn't quite understand) and be humiliating#Also yes it is possible WB would've given Croc at least one of his injuries. Absolutely viable. I just don't think he did BOTH#Also like if you subscribe to the Croc is Xebec's son theory then that alone would give Croc enough beef with WB to explain Summit War#It's not a requirement for WB to have taken Croc's hand for Croc to have a vendetta against WB (with that theory in mind at least)
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This is we love the dark knight trilogy blog and Christian Bales version of batman. I do not appreciate seeing hate for these movies I love and grew up with. This batman is my batman and the only batman movies that give Bruce Wayne a happy ending. So take your hate and weird obsession for twilight batman somewhere else.
How can anyone hate this version of batman! I do not get it. This is the same guy who voiced howl in Howls moving castle
The same guy who played Teddy/Laurie in 1994's little women
Like I do not understand people and I never will. It's probably the same reason I can't stand mean girls, the obsession with the horrible live action barbie movie and little women 2019. Like I do not get it and I hope I never will.
(Don't like don't read. Post hate and I'll block you!)
#my thoughts#batman#bruce wayne#christian bale#the dark knight trilogy#batman begins#the dark knight#the dark knight rises#my batman#Yes I'm a feminist and I still love Christian Bale's batman#Why wouldn't I love him#I do not understand the obsession with the twilight batman#The movie was OK to me#But not dark knight trilogy good#Shrugs 🤷♀️🤷♀️
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I think I need that "Wow, I haven't stubbed my toe in five months! I was then shot fifty-seven times." Audio again
#i want to put him on my blog because i have a lot to say. and. by golly.is it just too much than anyone needs.#yet another character for me to completely RUIN their ego and make them so much more worse than they already are.#see but i just realized last night that putting him on my blog would mean making a tag for him. And that is goingnto take a lot from me-#-to be putting stupid little hearts next to his name.#i was thinking about just posting like two pictures of him and being like “im not saying anything i think yall can connect the dots.”#but. but.hhhhhrhrhrggrgyryrg.I want to come home and immediately indulge in garbage about him until i go to bed.#This is so messed up!! maybe. maybe I'm just being mind controlled into this.#I'd say sorry for another new guy but i mean I've been doing this the past several months and yall havent known me long enough that-#-it is unexpected so really i suppose yall are here for it.#Depending on how long till i get my first 'task' of the morning at work depends on whether I'll makebthe dumb post about him-#-this morning for everyone to wake up to or later today for everyone to anxiously read like they're reading the news while eating.#It is actually so so so so bad. and i domt know why. i do not understand. i cannot wrap my head around what about him is-#-hitting me so badly. what is making him click. this wasn't even a 'the dam gates got opened' and i had a burst and chilled out.#which i thought what was going to happen. this is. this is like a constant stream of a running waterfall. okay.#Normally talk about particular F/Os with particular people cause blah blah embarassment or they followed me-#-and interacted with me because of a particular character(s) that I like.#but i wan.gh. i want to.ffffffjhhgghhhghhhhhhhhhhhg.d.deep breath.#i want to. talk about him. wherever i can. i like. i want to taint every image there might be of myself to talk about him.#maybe the problem is im trying to find rhyme or reason where there is none. logic and feelings are often two different drivers.#trying to find a 'why' when there is no 'why' to begin with because that would insinuate a cause and effect scenario.#Which is a scientific process and critical thinking thought path. which is brain stuff.#and this is all heart stuff. stupid. stupid heart stuff.#good morniny everyone. wishing you all well on your marry ways.#I NEED TO STOP DEAWING HIM. I've drawn him like fifty freaking times already.#normally itt takes me ages to work up drawing him.#oh fuck it fuck everything im changing my discord pfp im posting about him im going to go need to go into confinement.#i might feel slifhtly different whem i get home but it's fine it's fine i domt need to be scared it's fine.#it's my blog it's my dumb little discord pfp. I've literslly rattled my mouth off to someone about him and they-#-were nothing but a dear about it it's. fine I'm just. grtting in my head about it all.
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going through some old left-for-dead projects and just found this one where I was like. INTENT on dissecting jeff's brain on the operating table (i.e. google docs) but only from todd's weird skewed pov
[professor voice] it's about brothers as eternal combatants and it's about being so convinced of your own goodness you excuse your shitty actions. it's also about comparing yourself to a dog because you feel less fully formed than your brother. lol.
#“so-and-so is an irredeemable character with no depth” jokes are funny sure but unfortunately i'm unable to not take things seriously#anyway: i remember people being like [about hymnal] this is crazy! this fraternal dynamic is so fucked up! and being kind of non-plussed#because the dynamic i wrote into the fair folk wip [this one] was like fifty thousand times more. argh. bites#THIS WASN'T EVEN SCRATCHING THE SURFACE#also i've always been an advocate of writing cruel characters with sympathy because the best feeling as a reader is when#you're reading and start nodding along with a particular guy and have to take a step back and recoil at how receptive you were to them#when the character is kind and jolly and cares but he's still letting the abuse happen under his nose :eyes:#anyway this ALSO isn't an accurate jeff portrait because todd's pov is weird and jaded and sardonic at the beginning of the story#and also he's like three seconds away from exploding. lol#hm. i never explained it to myself fully [probably why i never finished this] but i think the issue was that#todd is Too understanding and he's perceptive enough to see everyone's motivations but that makes it worse because now he's too#not forgiving. but he can excuse people's actions very easily#and thus when people actually do shitty things and it makes him mad he can't really justify being mad to himself - but he still is#and this makes him sooooo volatile. and becomes a problem later on in the wip when he's trying to work on cameron#because understanding isn't the ending point you have to do the action sometimes! lol!#goddamn. i miss writing this au.#dead poets society#tristan writes#dps#dps fic#todd anderson#jeff anderson#SORRY THIS IS VERY LONG. I JUST REDISCOVERED THIS AND IT BROUGHT A LOT OF MEMORIES BACK.
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funniest thing ive learned (and that's coming from someone who had debilitating perfectionist tendencies) is that making your own mistakes is actually thrilling and really fun because it really feels like gaining xp and leveling up but irl. like ah shit i see. well i'll know that's a soak marker next time kinda deal
#it's like. making your own mistakes and then examining where you went wrong and the mechanism of it is THE ultimate personalized lesson plan#a mistake is an opportunity to really understand for yourself the framework / laws of the art in question#if you get it right every time / from the very beginning then you learn Nothing#you just exist. like a fish in water. you don't really understand the rules and the reasons for anything#this is why i ended up being happy i (-gets sniped before finishing the sentence)#not to sound like an annoying therapist-adjacent but mistakes and the ability to make them for yourself really are a gift#also it does not have to be Painful like i think the thing i learned most is that you do not HAVE to extra-worry and harm yourself#and shame yourself after making a mistake because actual understanding comes with clarity of mind#and you can't make a sound judgement when your mind is clouded by horrible amounts of shame and guilt etc#in fact it is more likely to make you double down and dig your heels in and make the mistake So Much Worse#this is something i learned thanks to 1) being forsaken by god and 2) getting into candlemaking#extra relevant now that i'm getting into music again
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