#and dani saying mildly concerning shit in camera

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC "Pick Me Up"

The stream goes live on the first day of the school year. It's the usual song and dance - mad laughing, threats, poor jokes, terror, and about thirty kids huddled together in a classroom behind Joker's back. Tim recognizes it as one of the Gotham Academy classrooms. Dick can't imagine the horror those kids' parents must be feeling right now. Jason jokes about middle school traumatic experiences. Damian is feeling very justified for skipping classes today.

Bruce, all suited up in his Batman garb, is making his way to the Academy as fast as he possibly can. Those are kids.

Gotham is once again anxiously kept on the edge of their seats, watching as Joker decides to interview the kids on their learning experience so far. Something about leaving a good first impression on the new generation or some other bullshit. Most kids stutter over their words - it's true that Gothamites are way more composed when facing life-threatening events, but those kids are only fourteen or fifteen for the most part. They are not old enough to keep their cool in the face of a murder clown.

That is, until Joker points his camera at one of the girls. Black hair in a high ponytail, blue eyes without a trace of fear, a slightly displeased, even bored expression on her face. She looks straight into the camera, not even waiting for the laughing madman to finish his question, and deadpans:

"I don't think I like school. Pick me up, please."

Joker sputters.

"Not so scared, I see," he sneers, and, in the next moment, a comically large gun painted in purples and greens is pointed to the girl's forehead, "How about now?"

The girl scrunches her nose and makes a so-so gesture.

"It's kinda meh," she admits, "Like, yeah, points for style, but you know, size doesn't matter. It's all in the technique."

Dick snorts over the comms. It's a bad time for laughing, sure, but the phrase caught him off-guard. This is not what you'd expect to hear from a teen, and definitely not something you'd expect anyone to say to the Joker. Jason's comms are muted, but Barbara knows he also laughed a little.

"Technique, you say?" Joker hisses, pressing the gun closer to the girl's head, and she winces, leaning away from it, almost as if she is disgusted by the touch.

"Yeah, I mean, guns are not that scary anyway. What are you gonna do with them, blast my brains all over the floor? Been there, done that," the girl shrugs, "Kinda nasty, but overall, it's just like slime, only sticky." She pauses and looks to the side, seemingly lost in thought, "Huh, maybe we should have added Borax to it. Or was it baking soda?.."

"Listen here, you little brat," Joker's fingers catch the girl's chin, and his voice becomes sickeningly menacing. Bruce is almost there, just two more minutes. Tim is already grappling onto the wall.

But none of them get to finish.

"Put your dirty fingers away from my sister," a low, cold, and even in a way that speaks of barely contained fury, voice comes from out of the screen.

The camera spins, like whoever is holding it turned really fast, and everyone watching the stream sees a fairly normal guy standing by the window - a turtleneck and ripped jeans, same black hair as the girl, same blue eyes... Wait, they are not blue.

And that's not a guy.

The camera falls down to the floor, and there are a lot of panicked screams coming from the broadcast now, but none of them sound like children's voices. It's the screams of adults, of grown-ass men, and later, someone even claimed they heard Joker's scream among them, too. The picture on camera glitches a few times, and the angle is awkward, but everyone still gets to see how shadows in the room morph into eyes, wide open and green, and how the darkness grows sharp teeth, countless grinning mouths that don't belong to any faces.

Screams turn into gargling and then to quiet whispers, filling the ears of all those listening with countless words in languages they don't know.

Red Robin turns off the recording and looks to that same guy from the levestream, sitting across him on the couch. The guy - Daniel, or Danny, as he introduced himself - looks him in the eyes and raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, and?"

"How did you do it?" Tim asks for the third time this evening. Danny blinks.

"Did what?" He asks, completely incomprehending. Tim groans. He's been trying to get his answers, any answers at this point, from the guy for thirty fucking minutes already. So far, he's got nothing. Danny, whoever the fuck he is, proves to be the most annoying human being on Earth.

"Seven people in a coma, including Joker himself, with no physical injuries and none of the children remember a thing! How?!" He demands, and a girl's face peeks from around the corner:

"I remember!"

Tim snaps his head at her, "What do you remember?"

The girl pauses, blinks, and looks to Danny. Then shrugs, "My brother picked me up from school."

Tim drops his head down and breathes out in frustration. He can't force the information out of civilians, he is a vigilante, not a mafia.

"Would it make you feel better if I promise not to do it again?" Danny asks, and his voice is way too innocent for Tim to believe him. He raises his head to look the guy in his shameless, amused eyes.

"I hate you."

"Thanks," Danny grins.

[please-return-to-villanelle]

Did someone say Dani and Jamie holiday cuteness?

Title: White Christmas

Post-cannon, spoilers maybe?

Check it out on AO3 or read below

Feel free to hit me up with any prompt requests!

Dani assumed her position as wall flower. She leaned against the cool surface sipping her eggnog. It was a long-held family recipe that became more parts rum than eggnog as the years passed by. It wasn’t the most pleasant tasting drink in the world, but beggars can’t be choosers and well, Dani was desperate for an escape. Unable to shake off the nagging feeling she made a huge mistake by coming here.

She’d forgotten how exhausting it was to be around her family for an extended period of time. Especially, when alcohol was involved. They arrived at her mother’s house several hours ago. In that short amount of time, her mother announced to everyone that her renegade daughter finally returned home after running away to England, she’d received several agonizing speeches full of pity about her lost chance at marriage along with way too many pats on the head commending her commitment to single life, and her creepy uncle Bob managed to make serval passes at Jamie which he proceeded to cover up with feeble offers to set Jamie up with his son.

Dani downed another gulp of the rum flavored liquid effectively suppressing the vivid memories. Much to her relief, the evening festivities were fizzling out. Presents were opened, kids were scattered about enthralled with their gifts, tipsy adults were gathered all around, some picking on the cold remnants of the holiday feast, others consuming eggnog chatting at heightened volumes, and a few dancing along to Christmas music blaring from the radio.

Once upon a time, Dani was one of them. She was an excited child ripping open presents like a fiend, she loudly sung carols surrounded by family, and, not too long ago, she was just another lounging adult shooting the shit in a pleasant inebriated state. It seemed like a lifetime ago. In more ways than one, her time spent in Bly changed everything.

Dani tugged at the neck of her tacky sweater for relief. Her mother insisted they all wear them invoking the laws of holiday tradition. Dani felt stifled clad in the tight-fitting attire of the life she once had surrounded by the people she no longer fit in with. She contemplated sneaking out the back door, it was only a few meters away. No one would notice her sudden absence.

Well, almost no one.

As the crippling sense of isolation hit her like a wave, her savior Jamie appeared crossing the length of the living room. She wasn’t sure how, but Jamie managed wear the hand-me-down jumper with three plush, white snowmen on it and still looked absolutely stunning. Dani already felt herself relaxing as Jamie stood in front of her. She playfully quirked an eyebrow and, without warning, grabbed the eggnog from Dani’s hand downing the remaining contents in a matter of seconds. She grimaced at the taste before placing the empty glass on the shelf adjacent to Dani.

Jamie smiled extending her hand in front of Dani, “Shall we dance?”

Thankful for the distraction, Dani eagerly clasped Jamie’s hand allowing the brunette to pull her into the middle of the living room alongside a few other swaying couples. Jamie wrapped her free hand securely around Dani’s waist effectively drawing their bodies flush together. Dani clutched onto Jamie’s bicep with her free hand while continuing to hold the other off to the side. Within seconds, she succumbed to the warmth and security inside Jamie’s embrace. Dani rested the side of her head against Jamie’s closing her eyes and allowing Jamie to lead. Jamie hummed along to Bing Crosby’s White Christmas, her warm breath brushing along the shell of her ear.

Dani nestled further into Jamie’s body. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” She whispered into Jamie’s ear as they swayed together.

She felt Jamie smiling against her cheek “Once or twice.”

Despite the sense of safety in Jamie’s arms, Dani felt like an imposter carrying along like everything was normal within the walls of her childhood home.

She pulled back looking at Jamie. “Do you want to step outside for a minute?” She asked darting her eyes towards the exit. Jamie followed her line of sight towards the back door. She nodded in agreement. Dani laced their fingers together leading Jamie out of the house onto the back porch.

Once she was outside, Dani could finally breathe with ease. Jamie looked on with concern.

“Sorry.” Dani began squeezing Jamie’s hand like a life-line. “I can’t shake the nagging thought that coming here was a bad idea. It’s just.. I’m not, I’m not a part of this anymore. Everything is different. I’m different. It was selfish of me to bring all of that back here.”

Tears welled up in her eyes threatening to fall. Jamie moved in closer, lowering her body so her eyeline was equal with Dani’s. Her voice was soft and full of compassion. “It’s understandable you wanted to see your family before…” Jamie’s sentence trailed off as if she couldn’t bring herself to finish.

“Yeah…” Dani sighed heavily. The emotional dam was breached. A stream of tears cascaded down her face. Jamie quickly wiped them away with her thumbs. She pulled Dani in for a hug. Dani clung to her back, body shaking uncontrollably as she sobbed into Jamie’s shoulder.

“There, there Poppins.” Jamie cooed. “We came here of our own free will which means we can leave whenever we like. Even as early as first light tomorrow, if you’re up for it. We can go anywhere you’d like.”

Dani sniffled. “That sounds really nice.” She admitted wiping the remaining tears on the back of her sleeve.

Jamie was smiling at her with specks of moonlight shimmering in her hazel eyes. Dani wasn’t sure if she would ever get used to the way Jamie looked at her, like she was the center of her world.

“All right.” Jamie began, “We’ve got the beginnings of an escape plan. Since this is your neck of the woods and all, I’ll leave the details to you.” They shared a lighthearted laugh together. She placed a chaste peck on Jamie’s cheek and then pulled her in for another embrace. They stayed like that for a while. The wind rustling through the thick forest set a tranquil mood. Dani found peace. Her fears fading away into the night. Despite all aftermath to come from the events at Bly, she knew how fortunate she was to have found Jamie. Something she would be grateful for as long as she lived.

She glanced over Jamie’s shoulder. In the light of the crescent moon, she spotted a few rogue snow flurries. She smiled to herself. The cogs of her mind working through the details of their great escape.

“Let’s head back inside. It’s getting chilly.” Dani said. Jamie pulled back with a cheeky grin plastered on her face. “We could call it an early night. I can think of a few ways to warm you up.”

Dani became ignited with a different type of warmth coursing through her body. She quickly pulled Jamie inside leaving the chill of the night behind them.

Dani woke the next morning before the sun. She detangled herself from Jamie’s limbs careful not to arouse the sleeping beauty beside her. She knew she had until sunrise to get everything together before Jamie woke up. Ever the dedicated gardener, Jamie had a pesky habit of waking up with the sun even on her days off.

She quietly dressed in a non-holiday themed sweater, her warmest and most durable trousers, and fuzzy calf-length socks. After she was decent, Dani tipped toed out of the bedroom silently closing the door behind her. She proceeded down the stairs. Her first stop was the attached garage. She scanned the shelves for an open box labeled “Camping supplies”.  From the box, she grabbed an intact, well-worn nap-sack, a steel Thermos, and one mildly dusty plaid blanket. She stashed the blanket in the bag and went back into the house.

Her next stop was the kitchen to gather the remaining supplies. She rustled together a collection of Tupperware left-overs, ripe fruits, and, Christmas cookies. After squirreling the edibles inside the nap-sack, she whipped up a batch of hot cocoa. As she poured the last droplets of the piping hot chocolate into the Thermos, she noticed the first rays of sunshine peeking through the forest and into the kitchen. After securing the lid, she dashed upstairs as quietly a possible.

Thankfully, Jamie was still asleep exactly as she’d left her. Dani crept past her into the closet to search for the last items they needed. Unfortunately, the extra pair of hiking boots were located on the top shelf just out of reach. She cursed her small stature as she struggled on her tippy toes. Her fingers just barely poking the fabric. Determined and also frustrated, she grabbed a flip-flop from the bottom of her closet and used it to poke and prod the boots. She managed to successfully finagle the first one, almost yelping with success when it cascaded down into her open palm. The second shoe was proving to be a bit more challenging. This one was wedged between an unmarked box of who knows what and mountain of clothing she collected over the years. She managed to eventually knock it loose along with various other items which all came tumbling down on top of her and eventually fell to the floor with a loud thud. Pouting under a pile of clothes and clutching a pair of scuffed hiking boots, is how Jamie found her.

“What’s goin’ on in here?” Jamie asked her voice husky from sleep. She leaned with one arm against the door frame. Dani peeled off the rogue fabrics clinging to her body tossing the unwanted garments towards the back of the closet. She moved towards Jamie placing a kiss on her cheek and handing her the hiking boots. “These are for you.”

Jamie’s face scrunched in confusion. Dani noticed another item she was searching for sitting on her dresser. “Ah ha!” She exclaimed grabbing the silver Nikon camera which by some miracle still had a roll of usable film loaded within. Jamie tilted her head in amusement while awkwardly dangling the boots by their laces. “Umm, I love ya and all, but I reckon it’s a bit early for a fashion show and photo shoot.”

“Oh, no! This is all part of our adventure today. You know, the whole escaping from here plan. It involves a short hike through the forest.” Dani stammered.

“Ah, all right then. Let me freshen up so we can get a move on.” Jamie said heading off to the bathroom.

Jamie changed into her own winter appropriate attire while Dani collected the satchel of provisions and slung the camera strap around her neck. The pair headed down into the kitchen to snatching a few extra cookies to munch on for breakfast before exiting the kitchen trough the back door leading onto the back porch.

Dani watched with glee as Jamie froze on the balcony in awe over the frosted forest that lay before them. Dani took a quick photo to capture the moment. The click of the shutter drew Jamie’s attention.

“What was that for?” Jamie asked.

Dani grinned in triumph, “To remember your first look at a real-life white Christmas in, well, not in Vermont, but we’re in the America so it still counts.”

Jamie bit her bottom lip averting Dani’s gaze focusing instead on digging the back of her heel into the snow, “Of course you remembered.” Her voice laced with affection.

Dani’s heart fluttered in her chest causing her to smile. She grabbed Jamie’s hand. “Come on, there is more to see.”

They took a short hike through thicket. The sentient pines crowded out the rays of sun. Their boots crunching on the freshly fallen snow with every step they took. It was peaceful, serine; as if they existed in their own haven.

Every so often Jamie would stop them to point out notable local flora. Her eyes beaming with enthusiasm, talking animatedly about each and every plant, and waving her hands as if she were conjuring a story to life. Dani couldn’t help but snap a few photos during Jamie’s enthusiastic botany lesions. Every frame capturing Jamie in her element. Each photo evidence of the passionate woman full of life Danie was falling more in love with every day.

After crossing a small, winding stream, the pair arrived at Dani’s favorite spot. Just beyond the pine forest was a look-out point with an unobstructed view of the rolling hills blanketed in snow.

“It’s so beautiful.” Jamie said awestruck by the scenery. Dani wasn’t at all enraptured by the familiar landscape. All she could focus on was Jamie. Her cheeks rosy from the hike, wisps of curls peeking out underneath her beanie, her eyes sparkling with wonder. “Yeah,” Dani whispered looking at Jamie, “it is.”

She managed to tear her gaze away from Jamie long enough to take a photo, one she hoped to frame and hang in their London flat. Dani placed the nap-sack on the ground, spread out the blanket on a flat surface, and proceeded to unpack the bag. Eventually, Jamie turned away from the winter wonderland.

“I thought we could stay here for a while. Have ourselves a little picnic.” Dani patted the vacant half of the blanket next to her as an invitation to join. Jamie smiled, nodding in agreement. She took a seat next to Dani, sitting cross legged with her elbows resting on her knees. Dani pulled out the Thermos of hot chocolate. She unscrewed the lid and poured a generous amount into it. She handed the makeshift cup to Jamie.

“Mhmm, it’s still warm.” Jamie said as she inhaled the heavenly scent.

Dani held the silver container near Jamie’s cup of coco.

“A toast, to the first of many white Christmases.” Dani said smiling at Jamie.

Jamie grinned, clinking their vessels together. “To many more, Poppins. Cheers!”

They sipped their drinks in celebration to the first of many special days together.

[meow-meow-motherfckr]

The Ghost of Harrenhal

We open with Catelyn having a nice lunch with Renly. She tells him Robb doesn’t want the Iron Throne, and Renly says he can be King in the North--but only in name. She wants him to negotiate a peace with Stannis, which he says is a no can-do, and then he gets killed by Stannis and Mel’s smoke-demon-baby. Talk about timing. Just as she lowers his dead body to the floor, different Kingsguard come in, and ignore Catelyn and Brienne’s insistence that she didn’t kill Renly. This isn’t exactly unreasonable of them. Brienne fights her way out, and even kills a man, which I suppose is more dramatic than Catelyn coming up with an escape plan. Apparently nobody heard the mini battle in the King’s tent, so Brienne has time to cry over Renly before Cat gives her a little pep talk, and they leave because revenge.

Littlefinger’s spidey senses go off, and he goes to find Loras and Margaery. Loras is understandable upset over the death of his lover. Margaery wants to go home with their army. Loras wants revenge. Littlefinger pops up and has an idea to play the long con, and between Littlefinger and Margaery he calms down enough to storm out of the tent. Margaery and Petyr have a little moment, and we find out what Margaery wants is to be the Queen. It’s not a bad direction for them to go with her character, and Natalie does a really good job playing that angle, but the show does tend to neatly divide women into either sexual manipulator or strong badass warrior. At least the cool women.

Tyrion and Cersei discuss Renly’s death, and Stannis’ impending arrival. Cersei can’t be bothered, and Tyrion is mildly concerned. He and Cersei fight about Myrcella, and then Cersei informs him that Joffrey is heading up the war effort, and apparently he’s not telling. Good thing Lancel is there to tell Tyrion that it’s Wildfire. Tyrion threatens him until he gives more detailed plans. Lancel takes a face-plant outside Tyrion’s litter, and then relays his execution orders to Bronn. I feel for this guy.  Honestly, Lancel has more interesting character development than half of the people on the show. Cut to the Stormlands, where Davos is kind of concerned because of the whole demon baby thing, but Stannis is more concerned with bannerman than the fact that he just killed his brother. Davos brings up the moral implications, but gives up and talks about the Blackwater attack. He at least gets to give Stannis the truth, which is that people don’t like Melissandre and think Stannis is her puppet. So they leave for King’s Landing without Mel, because Stannis compares about PR now. But he’s still into killing dissenters. Baaby steps.

Tyrion has an exposition moment and explains that they’re basically screwed as he walks down the streets of King’s Landing, which apparently he does routinely now. He accidentally walks into a rabble, and apparently the people aren’t down with incest. Tyrion is ready to flame Joffrey, until the speaker drops “demon monkey” and Tyrion is, understandably, perturbed. He realizes people blame him for the shit-show that is King’s Landing, when he sees himself as the savior. I mean, he’s still propping up and illegitimate and sadistic tyrant, but he practices harm reduction, so we’re all good.

Theon watches another ship sail away, and it upset by how small his own ship is. Rare pairs, am I right? Nobody follows his commands, and his second mate is ready to mutiny before they even get on board. Yara shows up to mock him, and brag about all her ships, while Theon’s crew sails off without him. SOme random guy comes to help Theon, and he is not quite suspicious enough about why this man wants to help him. He questions Theon’s masculinity, and primes Theon to disobey his father’s orders and go for Torrhen’s Square. Theon realizes the Starks would immediately take it back, leaving Winterfell vulnerable, and the music tells us this is going to be a big deal.

Tywin has a chat about how the Northern lords are discontent, because it’s war, but Tywin thinks they’ve underestimated Robb. He chucks his cousin out of the council/Harrenhall because he wanted a nap, and then he asks Arya where she’s from, and gets her to admit she’s a Northerner. Remember that part where Arya said that Sansa knew all the sigils and she didn’t? And how Sansa actually has practical skills that could assist her in surviving? Oh wait, Sansa’s not allowed to be good at anything. Back to the show, she talks about how great Robb is, and Tywin is super chill with it. Arya says that anyone can be killed, and we’re up to our eyeballs in foreshadowing. Arya wanders around, until Jaqen rolls up and they talk about gender for a hot second. She’s pissy because he works for the Lannisters, but to be fair, she does as well. He offers to take out three people for her, and she tells him to kill the tickler first. She doesn’t name Tywin for some reason despite the fact that he is right fucking there. Maybe she’s grown sympathetic to his harsh, yet grandfatherly manner. Who the fuck knows.

We go up to our Winter Wonderland the Fist of the First Men. The only thing Sam can talk about is Gilly, because his personality is chasing girls I guess. He does geek out for a while to exposit who the First Men are, and then Jon says something gloomy because he’s Jon. I guess they gave up on making Dolorous Ed actually dolorous and made Jon fill that role. Quorin Halfhalnd is introduced as basically the Bear Grylls of Westeros, and then we cut to Tyrion.

Tyrion promptly makes a dick joke, but the Pyromancers take him seriously. They have a shit ton of highly volatile substance, and Bronn points out that if somebody drops some wildfire during a battle it’s game over for King’s landing because that shit burns fucking everything. They also make a nice joke about Aerys and Wildfire, and I think it might even be original, so credit where credit is due. Tyrion takes the whole Wildfire operation from Cersei basically just by saying so, and the pyromancers are down with that because sexism I guess.

Across the Narrow Sea, Dany is teaching her dragons how to barbecue. Drogon is clearly the favorite child. Also I high-key ship Dany and Doreah, and I’m super mad that the writers decided to end Doreah’s storyline the way they did. Irri is bitter because she’s also low-key in love with Dany (who wouldn’t be tbh) but they get along by talking about Dany’s new clothes because that’s what women do. Dany casually brings up the fact that she wasn’t consensually married to her husband, and that he actually bought her, something the fandom collectively tends to forget. There’s this awkward moment where 1) Irri acts like Drogo is the best thing since sliced bread 2) Dany asks Doreah to prostitute herself to get information 3) Irri snaps at Doreah because Dany is getting to westernized, and then 4) Irri tries to cover it up by being nice to Dany, then storms out. It like, there’s actually a complex scene with multiple characters with different motivations and dynamics. The good old days, when the show could write dialogue.

Apparently the costume directors decided to ditch the one-boobie-hanging-out look since they presumably wanted the audience to absorb something from the next scene, which is in the courtyard in Qarth. Dany is networking. She then has to go and stop her Dothraki from stealing a gold peacock, which is supposed to be funny I guess, but in a white-woman-stops-clueless-brown-people-from-stealing sort of way. This isn’t GRRM’s strongpoint either, but the show does a pretty shit job at presenting this is different culture with different values surrounding ownership, and just makes all the Dothraki look uncultured and clueless. Pyat Pree rolls up with his trippy kaleidoscope and makes Dany see double, then tells her to come to his magic castle. Emilia Clarke succeeds at looking mildly confused. Jorah gets jealous when Dany talks to Xaro Xoan Daxos, because he gets jelous everytime she breathes the same air as another man, and then Quaithe rolls up and says something fake-deep. I do not think her makeup was successful, but admittedly, GRRM didn’t give them an easy task.

Cut to Catelyn and Brienne and their pretty horse. They talk about how they saw a shadow deamon kill someone, and they’re trying to play it cool. Cat says it just looked like a generic man, but Brienne is convinced it was Stannis (guess who’s right.) Cat decides to go to see Robb and then head home to see Bran and Rickon. That noise you hear is me bawling my eyes out. Brienne asks for permission to go kill Stannis once she takes Cat home, and Cat is literally the only person on this show who isn’t a revenge zombie. They do keep Brienne’s line about a woman’s kind of courage, which is really nice. They’re pretty much my brotp.

Up north Rickon is smashing wax while being forced to do LordThings, which is honestly #relatablecontent. One of the commoners is talking about how he can’t keep watch of his sheep because everyone went to war, and Bran does the correct LordThing, and sends him some orphans, as one does. Then he scolds Rickon for smashing wax, which is probably this kid’s only source of fun. Ser Rodrick comes in with his funny facial hair and says that Torrhen’s square is under attack, and Bran falls for Theon’s trap, sends 200 men. Maester lewin is a bit iffy about it, but he goes along with it, but allows Bran to be noble and shit. Bran asks Osha about the three-eyed raven, and she isn’t a dream dictionary, which irritates him. He describes his prophetic dream of the sea flooding Winterfell, which honestly... people should listen to Bran more often. Osha mentions that they “say all sorts of crazy things north of the wal” and then the camera cuts... North of the Wall!

It looks cold. Like, yikes. Quorin sees a fire. Sam can’t see it because his eyes are good, so hey, there’s some continuity. He brings the news that all the Wildlings have joined Mance Rayder in an army, and says the wildlings are going to adapt to their habits, so they need to adapt to be more like the wildlings. Quorin wants to start by killing some lookouts, and gathers a team. Jon feels left out, and asks to go with. Sam steps i to take up Jon’s duties because he’s the real MVP, and Jon gets to go on the field trip.

Dany and Zaro have a talk about Jorah and the Friend Zone because what else would anybody else care about in Dany’s storyline? They talk about conquering and what they want, and dragons. He shows her his door to his treasure chamber, though if she were really serious about anything she would ask to see it. He asks for marriage, so she can get enough wealth to take over the seven kingdoms, and he gets a dragon. He also tells her Robert is dead, so she goes off to argue with Jorah. He advocates for a grassroots campaign, and she tells him not to talk down to her, finally. He compliments her a bit which apparently makes things better. He tells her to “make her won way” which is pretty iffy coming from the guy who’s constantly trying to control her but he promises a ship. One. Ship.

Back in Harrenhall, Arya checks out Gendry’s hot bod and gives him fighting tips, and then somebody dies. It’s the tickler, so she makes meaningful eye contact with Jaqen. And she is officially the ghost of Harrenhal.