#and fluctuating between funny and Let Me Remove Yon Heart

[autistic-council-spectre]

god im thinkin bout how i want Zan to meet ppl again and im very tempted to make @sparatus 's line bout Des when i was fuckin around like the very first thing he says to them

like okay. Nihlus is showing Zander around to everyone, the Spectres on base currently, Tevos and Valern, and of course the wonderfully radiant, best reporter Miss Teia and her husband who does something important too probably. ("I pay you is what I do." "Yeah but she feeds me so like who's really better here.") (They're also adopted immediately, Nih congratulates them on their new mom. They let out a distressed noooo and hes about to lovingly beat them up before- "NOW I HAVE TO BUY MOTHER'S DAY GIFTS FOR THREE MOMS. THATS TOO MANY GIFTS. FUCK." Nihlus is crying laughing by the end of it.)

Someone offhandedly asks if he's going to introduce them to Desolas last. Nih is ???? Confused, of course he is since he's on Palaven. They say no,,,,your brother in law is on the citadel.

Nihlus doesn't correct that he's technically not his brother in law because he hasn't married Saren yet, because he's too busy teaching a wide eyed Zan new curse words. That they immediately mark down for future use.

The plan was: wait a few weeks before popping a video call like surprise! I have a protege! And its that goblin over in the corner. Cue swearing while the call is muted so they can't learn More Fun New Words. But now he has to deal with Hot Mess Part One instead of just Hot Mess Part Two: Biotic Edition.

So he plops them in a corner with the instructions of please for the love of fuck don't move. This is your home now stay there. Before scuttling off to convince Des to Not immediately yeet them out a window. Even if they probably deserve it.

They do not listen of course. It's their first time on this part of the citadel and Zander Dumbass Thot Lycaon Shepard wishes to explore.

Nihlus doesn't know this however as he's explaining to Des that yes, his proteges a human. Yes it's terrible they've been here only a few years and already are angling for a Spectreship. No you cannot sic Saren on them. They're tiny, he'll break them by looking at them wrong. Don't have Valis beat them up either then they're REALLY gonna die.

Half way through they hear a muffled taptaptaptaptAPTAPTAPTAP (like when u call ur dog/cat and they scuttle on all fast to you) before the door flies open and there's a flustered Zan. They burst into the wrong room first and got a heavy book thrown at them by Sparatus because he was trying to relax with Teia before his next meeting.

Nihlus can feel his soul leave his body.

Des is about to say something about disrespectful humans.

But Zan cuts him off with a "I MET A RLLY BUFF TURIAN WITH SCARS." (Des squares up to Actually Kill Them if they say anything bad about Valis. Nihlus is dead, he is deceased, this is going to be the shortest time a person's been a Spectre and they're not even officially one yet.)

"SHE WAS REALLY PRETTY, AND HOT, AND A LIL SCARY BECAUSE SHES VERY BIG. BUT I LOVE HER SHE'S AWESOME."

The next thing they know Desolas is holding them up out from him and they have a gay crisis for the millionth time that day. They hang that way for a very long moment, long enough to realize they may have made A Mistake™, before Des talks. "I do not like you, and I do not like your species, and I definitely don't like the fact my brother hasn't pummelled the snot out of you yet." Another pause while Zan's soul slowly leaves their body. "But, you recognize how great, and badass, and hot my wife is so you may stay."

They're then dropped unceremoniously on the floor.

Nihlus spends the next however long lovingly yelling at them for not listening. Zan says back that it was totally worth it because they got to meet Valis and also got held by Des. Tho they're at least 2% sure he may have tried to eat them if they didn't like her.