#and for now... more work 🙄
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I have reached the point in the night where I am taking espresso shots to get. Through it.
In nicer news I finished rereading the first chapter of ladue during break. I'm excited to get to the following stuff 🥺
#speculation nation#ladue shit#not to worry itnl lovers a brief aside to finish off an already 18k word chapter wont set me back too much#it's been bothering me anyways. i need this shit OUT of my docs#it's so fucking good actualy. i was rereading parts of the chapter 3 WIP and man#it's practically criminal that this has been unpublished for 6 fucking months#anyways. ladue chapter 3 will be coming Hopefully in the next few days. so i can finally wash my hands of it.#and for now... more work 🙄
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Shen Yuan is two things:
1) chronically ill
2) rich rich
He couldn’t count on both hands the number of health scares he’s had, but he fought years to move out of his parents house and live independently!
…. Until he was found half dead by his sister and nearly died in the hospital. No one even knew until she showed up.
The smart thing- the thing his parents want- would be to sell his apartment and move back in so his family can watch him. But frankly, Shen Yuan was reaching the end of his 20s. He didn’t want to be 30 in his parents home being scolded for buying yet another anime figurine and fussed over all hours of the day by nannies.
So, like the adults they were, they compromised. Shen Yuan could live independently IF he put together a complete staff of live in specialists to help him. He had a few months to do so, and all had to be thoroughly background checked.
Which is how he ended up with an old estate filled with specialists who all bore striking resemblances to the cast of Proud Immortal Demon Way.
(SY endears himself over the course of months to the entire modern cast of svsss and collects them to live with him and be generously financially supported. Additionally he finally tracks down the hack author of PIDW and keeps him as well, taking away the financial strain so PIDW can achieve its true potential as art.)
#obv mqf is his doctor#lqg I’m tempted to make personal trainer but it would be funnier if he was hired after lbh broke in and was subsequently collected as well#wqw is tech support for the various machines sy needs to live abd get around#sj and yqy come as a matched set nutritionist and physical therapist#qqq personal trainer!!!!!#I think tlj would need to be dead in this for bingo- sorry kitten whiskers#zzl gardener :3 he’s not part of the medical staff sy just saw a poor young man who needed work and employed him#mf and nyy were the college kids sy used to tutor when he got out more but now they’re unemployed and need a place to stay#mbj was a package deal with airplane- that’s his ‘muse’ apparently 🙄 (boyfriend#svsss#scum villian self saving system#scum villain#shen yuan
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Weed smoking girlfriends! But they can just be hanging out if you prefer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Happy 4/20!
#if i work on this any more you will never see it before the day's out#and if i dont post this today I'll be PISSED. cause i did NOT finish that fic and idk that I Can before the day is out 😔#anyway enough your transfem scott treat everyone im going to go smoke weed and make ravioli now#sp comic#spvtw#spto#fanart#kim pine#ramona flowers#scott pilgrim#ship stuff#sckimona#scott pilgrim fanart#spto fanart#scott pilgrim kim#scott pilgrim ramona#scott pilgrim scott#transfem scott pilgrim#kimona#sckim#scottmona#this almost had... such a caption. idk. nonsense.#this image does have alternate versions. and i am in fact going to make another version after posting this w my personal tweaks for pilgrim#(dyed red ends. i meant to add them before posting but i Forgot and if i make my roommate wait any longer for food he's probably going to +#+ start whining 🙄) (idc really im just being dramatic or silly. ect. you understand i hope)#scott pilgrim comic#almost forgot that. probably forgetting other things! but as you might guess. i am high! so idc
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also happy 1 year anniversary to me thinking i was going to get a 16-track album about joe alwyn and instead having the experience of pressing play on a song and thinking "ok time for some tea about joe.... hm. actually somehow this seems to be about... matty healy...? i didnt think she would ever speak about that man again. ah a direct 1975 reference OKAY" nearly 31 times in a row
#going from a pr statement that essentially said 'umm she never gave a fuck about that man why are you cancelling her for ''dating him'' 🙄'#to a THIRTY ONE TRACK ALBUM where most of the songs are about how she thought the very same man was the love of her life was so. 😭#i picked up on every connection immediately bc im so familiar with the 1975s music it was really wild#imgonnagetyouback directly paralleling fallingforyou is my favourite thing she did. that was crazy work#(also ironically picking up on all those connections really solidified my feeling that very few of her songs are inspired by only 1 person)#i really wished i liked the album more as a whole :') it wouldve been so good to be so involved in both sides of the story. i love drama#still very fond of some songs but it really did cure me of my hardcore swiftieism esp after i didnt like midnights much either </3#personal#yes i am swiftieposting on main now..... litmus test for all my followers. please no anon hate this time
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my gf so pretty😍
#interview with the vampire#the vampire armand#assad zaman#iwtv fanart#yes im aware the neck looks wack and the hair is a little questionable🙄🙄#perhaps will work on it some more in the future#but for now…………..
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Sasha being convinced all parents secretly hate their kids and being shocked that the Boonchuys genuinely love each other as a family. She interprets any normal strict parenting from their part (like grounding Anne when she's being a little shit) as proof that they're just sick of Anne and can't wait 'til she's out of their hair.
#she's on the money when it comes to marcy's parents but she's too emotionally immature to actually take marcy's situation seriously#more often than not she uses the fact that marcy's parents clearly find her exhausting to deal with to nag at marcy and manipulate her#like ''oh not even your parents put up with this 🙄''#haha... just#another little crack in marcy's self-esteem :'ñ#:')*#post amphibia she begins to actually notice these harmful patterns but by the time she's actually concerned#marcy is already in the airport and they're taking her away where sasha won't be able to protect her#so she takes it upon herself to make sure marcy is okay and feels always loved and safe. calls her every day. several times a day.#always wishes her good morning and good night#works summer jobs to save enough for plane tickets#she'll look out for her one way or another#man this started as me projecting on sasha for the lols and now it's angsty and wholesome#sasha really did become the person she wished had been there for her when she was little huh#my posts
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I swear to you all right now that I will finish this smut fic before pride month ends ok if I don't yall have full rights to hang me at the gallows
#just blahs#i havent made much progress since ive been on vacation#got a bit done on the drive up and now I'm getting some more done on the drive home#but yeah anyways#maxim is making this very difficult#stupid repressed man cant just say he wants vr la to jerk him off and make him come while biting him 🙄#not saying thats whats gonna happen. but that's definitely what maxim wants to have happen.#anyways#smashing them together like dolls#im going to make them fuck whether theyre working with me or against me god damn it
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honestly i think my only beef w mouthwashing and why it didnt hit for me is i was bored by the fixation on jimmy and curly. its a game abt anyas assault but shes barely in the game at all. her trauma is a prop to explore these male chracters complex relationship which i get yes is to illustrate how people enable harm doers and abusers but like. i dont rlly care that curly enabled jimmy bc he liked him and they were BFFsFL u kno like. their story was boring. anya didnt feel like a person and ahe didnt feel nearly as fleshed out as the others. i kept forgetting her name and calling her shelly duvall but a lot of her story happens off screen. which isnt to say i wanted her assault on screen its more to say why isnt she anything outside of her trauma? shes not nearly as humanized or fleshed out as the others and we r fixated on the abuser and whats going thru his mind and how the other men enabled him to go as far as he did. i think that we couldve even had a meaningful narrative about that while still treating anya like a human and still letting her be more of a character and less of a prop to talk abt sexual assault. am i making sense???
#i dont blame writers for fans reception of a game but i do think that this aspect of the writing contributed to the way that fans-#completely sidestepped anya to fixate on jimmy and curly. bc anya had barely anything interesting going for her but curly and jimmy r fully#realized and fleshed out characters#idk im tired of media abt men who are abusers that uses Women as a prop and reduces them to nothing but a victim bc no one is adding-#anything new to this conversation and its not clicking w audiences clearly 💀 bc the fan reception of mouthwashing pissed me OFFF#also the polly thing just didnt rlly work for me it was so fnaf ripoff level trope of the mascot and the unbearable stealth sequence#it just needed to be a little more refined it felt like an unfinished game lol#i still like mouthwashing for what it is and what we see of anyas story rlly resonates w me but shes still reduced to a victim just so we c#talk abt curly and jimmys Complex Relationship 🙄 and its like bitch i do not give a fuck#i wish we had more anya povs to explore her relationship w curly more too bc tht wldve been interesting unpacking all that as it relates to#anya and her connection w curly and how that complicates things etcetcetc whatever#im done now#stazi speaks
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so Ivanova is nearly killed off, saved by actually killing off sweet baby space legolas, and now she's left anyway? AND my boy lennier is going off to "find himself" too? mkay.
#babylon 5#i mean his archetype isn't quite legolas but i jokingly called marcus rite aid orlando bloom the 1st time he showed up & the likeness stuck#smh his life's biggest dream was to tenderly eat susan out and he died before he could ever lose his v card. shoulda been londo#im a few episodes in to s5 & idc about his 'almost died & now i feel bad for doing genocide' revelation#conveniently g'kar had his whole no revenge awakening blah blah a while ago but i think he should still have a lil killing londo as a treat#lenniers leaving honestly has me the most mad bc theyve made him this sad unrequited lovesick puppy vs his love for delenn just being a#casual fact that he's overcome bc his actual work with & overall care for delenn mattered more. it was great 'men & women who have attracti#attraction towards another can very much be platonic friends' representation. but nooooo gotta make him cucked or whatever 🙄#a lot i dont feel good about this season. like i didnt care for the s4 finale that tells us the plot of what will happen. like oh i guess#the telepaths are bad waow waow i wonder what will happen oh wait we know exactly & not in an intentional non-linear storytelling device#kind of way#:/ i do not feel motivated to be invested in these new characters/events thus far bc we know it goes bad#the previous narration about the incoming shadow war was a good use of that framing device. this season so far feels more telling vs showin#feels like a weird rushed infodump by a cancelled show yet from what ive heard b5 was planned 5 seasons. strange choices!#anyway ive taken a b5 break for this reason but its the last season so i gotta get to the end even if its disappointing#hopefully susan and lennier show up together as a cool crime-fighting ranger duo kickin' space pirate butt or something before then 🤞#dani talks about tv#oh last thing i dislike about this season: my nemesis garibaldi being promoted to my nemesis of a scifi trope: space cia agent 😒#and his whole 'diplomacy is naive we need to prepare to violate rights' schpiel and his viewpoint being 'validated' by the narrative...#i will never call star trek lib again i will never call star trek lib again i will never call star trek lib again i will nev
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COOKIES OF DARKNESS NATION WE ARE OFFICIALLY BACK 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
(long rambling in tags if u care)
#cookie run#licorice cookie#red velvet cookie#affogato cookie#I KNOW im late to this but i was at school ok 🙄 anyways i have a lot of thoughts#first off LICORICE UGH I MISSED HIM SO BAD IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM#his stats are so fascinating to me. i don't think anyone was expecting his strength to be that high#its pretty average but its still his best stat surprisingly#im shocked his strategy and puzzle solving are only 3. i think that's a strange decision to make them so low but I'm open to accepting it#maybe his avoidance/lack of ability to see the big picture contributes to the low scores?#his stats are so unexpected but I could get used to it. still i want an elaboration from devsis on these#i want them to show his strength in the show because i was expecting his strength to be like. 3 or 4#but anywho. i think its very funny how affo is 0 strength. i love how its canon licorice could easily kick his ass in a fist fight#i really do love affo and im SO happy to see him with the cod fucking finally all we got with him as a cod until now was ODYSSEY 😭#im so excited to see him work with the cod as an actual member. he's a very fun character for me#i cant wait for them to actually make him feel like one of the cookies of darkness its been over a year since he joined by now c'mon#im just so ecstatic that the cod are back. hopefully this is a good omen and will pave the way for more cod appearances soon#bcs u all know how i feel about the lack of cod for the better part of the past year. this better be their comeback i believe in them#😁😁😁😁😁😁 IM JUST SO HAPPY THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME IM SO HAPPY U HSVE NO IDEA I LITERALLY SCREAMED#btw ik crepe is there. but they're in a weird grey area of being a cod so i didn't post them BUT IM VERY HAPPY THEY'RE THERE TOO ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#♦️charlie's miscellaneous
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If I wasn’t so overrun with fear I would be so good at doing things like setting goals and achieving them
#genuinely though I feel like I’m close to a breakthrough#because I want/need things to start happening in my life#and the fact that I’m even willing to try to try to do that#(by practicing driving in hopes of getting a license once I turn 25)#it feels like a good sign??#that and the fact that I got my first credit card (and now I have bills to pay?? what the fuck??)#aka I’m building a credit score for myself#it’s baby steps#its all slow going#but it is going#y’know???#also also lowkey HATE that the moment I stopped working on any projects#was the moment I started feeling better physically#like you’ve got to be kidding me 🙄#what do you mean resting gives me more energy??#fuck off??#anyway
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<- Idiot who "was on his way to bed" 6 hours ago only to "accidentally" start reading a book on numerology and proceed to do math for it til now
#tbd.#◜✧ . ❪ ooc. ❫#Honestly a 5/5 banger read?! I didn't expect everything to be so on the nose 😭 I didn't put the book down at all from start to finish 😭#I'm definitely going to get back to it for Tobias too. Maybe for some of my other muses as well. Maybe for some of YOU GUYS' muses also#I did briefly do one or two sections for Tobias real quick & they cooked lil bro like a rotisserie chicken... ADJSGDHSAJDSAGHDJAS#The fact that I bought this randomly bc there was a sale at one of my two fav bookstores & I liked the cover of the book.#Perhaps I SHOULD judge books by their cover more often 🙄 /j AJDSAHDSAJSHDJ first astrology. now numerology. what's next. tarot?#Either way you know smth's neat af to me when I do math for it Willingly. which actually reminds me that in the earlier sections#this book called me out for only putting effort into things I hyperfixate on/am obsessed with instead of Anything Else Ever LMFAOOO 😭#Guy who spent 6h on this bc the topic charmed him instead of sleeping (hasn't slept in ages) or doing work (needs to do that asap): Ah...#Me and the bestie Pythagoras ✌️ <-dude who can't stand doing math unless it's for gacha purposes or some obscure interest
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Today was beautiful, I got whiskey, vodka, bacardi razz, 4 coffees, tarot cards and attention on my selfie from the right people
#i lowkey take the last one back bc now i have a random guy in my fb dms 🙄#BUT tons of likes from the girlies and from a bassist who's been into me for a year now lmao#and most importantly views from MY bassist and his singer 🥰 got a like notification from bass man but when i clicked on it it disappeared#developing a complex about how every time i post something he's one of the first people to see it#also i found out he's sick now 😭 i've been manifesting him daily and idk if that's a normal reaction to his brain being rewired or smth#anyway i hope he'll feel better soon bc they still have 13 gigs in a row ahead before they're playing one more in nyc#from other ppl's posts i saw he wasn't even able to stay after shows the last couple of nights apparently#btw i got all the liquor for €40 which sounds like a lot but for the size of the bottles and how much you can mix with them it's cheap#like at bars that's how much you pay for 5 cocktails if you're lucky#as for the tarot cards i'll still annoy the bestie asking her for readings but now i got my own!!!#the missing piece for basic spiritual stuff 🙏🏻 don't really have specific crystals but hey i can work with that and candles#fun fact i was jokingly accused of witchcraft by this band's roadie when last year i asked if he'll be there for this tour#and mentioned that i had just talked to ppl about how i wished they would come back to europe and they announced it a few days later#he went like 'was this your coven of witches' and while it actually wasn't really i'm gonna prove it to them now lol#seems to work slowly but surely but we'll see! alexa play i'm a believer by the monkees#mel talks
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'my field' oh YOUR field?? YOUR FIELD?? I'm sorry is this YOUR room?? is this YOUR hospital??? is this YOUR organ???? noooo no you don't come into my room and try to say shit like you control what goes up oh my GOD
#and then the little 'thats okay lots of people don't know this' bitch you didn't even know what a filter needle was!#don't come into my room with that passive aggressive attitude and act like YOU'RE running things 🙄#'MY FIELD'#not even if you scrubbed in would it be your field!!!!#okay vent over#they day people who work in ors are insane. and that's true#lots of us have crazy control issues. but you have to. *leans in real close* YOU HAVE TO#anyway I explained to her about the filter straws so I hope future lungs they transplant will be free from microscopic glass shards#scary how few perfusionists know about that actually#and still the gall to say MY FIELD#okay now im done I just needed to vent abt something very minor and harmless lmao#that snide motherfucker...I'm so much more confident than I used to be but I also have better self control lmao#cor.txt
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.
#bro why is everyone growing up and away and trying to figure out their lives and careers and loves#and im just sitting here missing them?#like sure im trying to figure out mine too we're all that age so I don't resent them for it#but why don't they miss me? why don't they feel empty when they haven't talked to me in a long time?#like. didn't they feel very light and happy after talking to me like i did with them don't they have a bad day and think that oh ill#talk to me and it will all feel okay even if it isn't just for a minute?#oh ny god i feel so pathetic asking this but like why am i suddenly crying now???#like my bestf. she's so busy in her new internship in mumbai that she can't be bothered to text me back#a simple yes no question for days. like i understand you have cool new office and work and friends and your stupid fucking ex#that you couldn't stop crying about to me living in that city with you but what about me? what about us?? what about you saying#that you're my first bestfriend i haven't told this to anyone else this is forever everyone else judges me but you're the best#like i just feel like if you're going to leave me then don't fucking say shit like that to me??#okay oh my god this is so irrational but i literally can't stop crying and it's definitely pms like i checked#she's not even leaving she's just suddenly busy and adjusting it's only been like a month#but i hate this stupid fucking knife like fear that as soon as someone is a little busy or seems like they're pulling away a little my#brain is like okay they hate me they're going to leave me so pack your bags we're leaving first#like i know a better solution would be to just tell her that hey dude i fucking miss you and i saw this show and remember how you used to#love peter kavinsky because he was adorable and i want to sit and watch it with you and just why aren't we back in school#where we are basically forced to hang out for like 7 hours because im so sick of only seeing you like once in 2 months for a few hours#like i know it's not your fault and we're just growing up and in different directions but just please like five more minutes can you stay#i don't even have the confidence to say anything to her lol she's my only friend like if even she gets mad and leaves#but i know that's not how healthy relationships work. and ugh my sister is so fucking far away i can feel it everyday#in the 5 and a half hour time difference. i hate this i hate everyone everyone has to go so far away#i hate living in this empty fucking house and being responsible for my own emotions fuck this isse accha toh living with dad hi hai#atleast when im there there are only 2 emotions anxiety and boredom. now i have a whole house to myself to cry whenever I need#for however long i need in a locked room. really looking forward to adulting haha i can see just see myself succeeding so well🙄#man this is crazy im gonna go do jumping jacks or something so this comes and goes faster#umm#dni
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Despite all odds, I have arrived home safely👍
Turns out that the earlier goop was the better goop. The adderall goop. The adderall has worn off now though. So I am. Very incredibly out of it.
But I am home. And I will take my quick shower. And then I will climb into bed.
I do need to eat. But... later...
#speculation nation#im the special kind of tired where im more tired than hungry#which is to say my every cell is yelling at me to get some fucking sleep.#and i dont think id be much more successful at eating rn than i was this morning.#i ate. half a can of chef boyardee. which was half bc i was so focused on typing and half bc i could barely stomach it.#so i at least ate Something. but not as much as normal.#i did have an ensure in the middle of the day. so theres some nutrients too at least.#i'll eat after i get a few hours of sleep. when the edge is no longer so desperate.#and hopefully i'll be able to stomach things better then.#honestly have all nighters always been this hard or am i just getting older? i havent actually pulled an all nighter since uhhh#well there was kind of one on dead dad day. but that day sucked just in general.#last time i think was april '23 when i read t.rimax volume 9-14 within a 24 hour period while also finishing a final presentation.#even then tho i got like 2 hours of sleep. it was still pretty rough though.#like ok i guess those times were pretty awful and also i did get at least some sleep. which is more than today.#so it makes sense for me to be in worse shape rn. i also didnt get as much sleep the night before last as i wanted to#i got... ...maybe 4 hours sleep??? ummm. which isnt a good thing actuslly. no wonder im so fucking exhausted.#i can barely type right now i will be honest. it was so hard to bike home. it took all my focus to not drive off a bridge#or get pushed into traffic by wind. oh boy the wind sure did try.#then i almost tripped down the stairs at my apartment after grabbing the mail bc i Briefly was focused on my mail 🙄#barely present. total mess. but at least im home. and i already did all the thinking i need to do today.#i was brave. i perservered. i was tempted to give up around 6 am ish but i was like No. this is getting done TODAY.#so i did it. i turned it in. and i so bravely did my in class work for my 2nd class. even though i was so mentally not present the whole way#i did my thinking... i am home... rest soon.#actually its kind of funny im lying on my couch rn and i think if most other ppl were in my current state theyd fall asleep right here.#but the power of my insomnia is so. powerful. i am not at risk of falling asleep without meaning to.#only time thats ever actually happened are like. a handful of times i was like. the most tired ive ever been in my life. etc etc.#in fact idk how well i'll be able to fall asleep for my nap. i certainly couldnt last night despite how hard i tried.#hopefully this time... i am truly tired enough....pls i need to rest i am so tired 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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