#and frankly he made his decision here without any convincing from merlin

[sneakyboymerlin]

My hot take is that if Merlin didn’t love Arthur, the Disir episode would have still gone exactly the same.

[deadpcnned]

let’s talk about... sex? you&me? (s.b. x reader)

pairing: sirius black x reader 

summary: sirius and y/n struggle with the two things that make a relationship. sex and communication. 

warning(s): mentions of sex, uh i guess “steamy” scenes but no smut, sirius is written possibly ooc, also kinda angst ? 

word count:  6.7k 

a/n: this is sort of a mess but i enjoyed it anyway so oh well :p ALSO if you think anything i wrote in this is unconsensual in anyway pls lmk i do not support that AT ALL. anywayy here’s my first fic on this account hehe

A giggle left Y/N’s swelling lips as Sirius lowered her onto his bed. It had been luck that none of his dorm mates were there, but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have cared if they had been. Not when the girl in front of him was letting out such beautiful labored breaths, a sound that only he got to hear. 

Y/N reconnected her lips to his, bringing her hand to cup the back of his neck. Sirius’ lips left hers again, but she didn’t have to let out the whine that was at the back of her throat as he began to nip at the skin of her neck, immediately turning it into a strangled moan. Tilting her head she allowed him to pepper straggled kisses down her neck to the exposed skin of her shoulder that peeked out from her jumper. Or rather his jumper. One of his hands gave him support as he hovered over her, while the other was pressed firmly to her side. He let the pad of his thumb rub circles into more exposed skin and Y/N felt the knot in her stomach grow. It was as though she couldn’t get enough of him. Her hands moved down from behind his neck to start unbuttoning his dress shirt. Sirius began to pull away from her neck but she quickly caught his lips in hers, causing him to smile against her. Her desperate kisses let him know just how badly she needed him. But as he pulled back again, he shifted his body so that he was now laying beside her, his arms sprayed out above him. 

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed at the sudden lack of touch and she turned to Sirius with questioning eyes, “Are you okay?” 

“Hmm,” Sirius looked at her with his eyebrows shot up, as if the sudden shift of energy was completely normal. “Oh yah, of course, love. ‘M just tired. Wanna cuddle?” 

No. Y/N didn’t want to cuddle. Not when she could still feel his hands on every part of her he had touched and the effects of those touches on the parts he was yet to. But if Sirius was tired, then that was fine. It was actually only right. So she quietly rested her head on his shoulder (not missing the way he stiffened for a second), finding a different kind of pleasure in the way his fingers eventually began to run through her hair. 

It had been a few days since the awkward occurrence and Sirius seemed to be making it a point to do virtually everything in public. Every second that he had to spend with Y/N alone, he always seemed to be suggesting they spend it in some public area. Studying? The library. A walk? Near the quidditch field, where his mates seemed to interrupt every few minutes. But now they were running back hand in hand straight into the common room, trying to make sure they reached before Filch caught up to them. Their laughs were loud and their breath heavy as they ran through the portrait hole. Sirius collapsed onto the common room couch, not paying much mind to how empty the common room was. 

“I’ve got to hand it to you, Y/N/N,” Sirius spoke, still attempting to catch his breath. “Ditching potions to try to sneak into the kitchens was bloody worth it. Even if Filch might still be on our arse.”

Y/N chuckled as she stood across from the dark haired boy, taking in the site of him. He had shut his eyes and was clutching his stomach with one of his arms while the other was extended across the right side of the sofa. He was smiling, though, indicating that he truly did enjoy their endeavour. Merlin, he was beautiful. 

“If it was such a good idea,” drawled Y/N, her legs slowly carrying her closer to the Gryffindor boy. “Why don’t you give me a treat?” Sirius’ eyes snapped open as he felt her fall into his lap and her hands cup his shoulders. 

“After all, I didn’t really get that dessert…” she spoke, looking at him through her lashes. Sirius gulped, as he hesitantly wrapped one hand around her waist. Before Sirius could convince himself otherwise, he was responding to her. 

“You’re right,” He rasped. “Bloody Filch. How am I gonna treat my girl?” At this point their noses were brushing against each other, lips mere inches apart. 

“Mm, I have a few ideas,” Without another word, Y/N connected their lips. Her right hand weaved itself through his black hair and he let out a groan as she tugged on it. His hand had snuck under her robe, traveling up to her bare thigh as it reached the edge of her skirt. As Y/N realized Sirius made no plan to go further, she decided to take initiative. Pulling her lips away, she inched closer once again, lightly biting his bottom lip. Sirius gasped and she stuck her tongue into his mouth. Sirius didn’t even try to fight for any form of dominance as her tongue explored his mouth. All he could focus on was the way her hand was clutching his shoulder so tightly and the noises she was letting out against him. She moved her hand from his neck down his chest, and slowly (so slowly that Sirius wondered if he might’ve imagined it) she let her fingers barely brush past his crotch. But Sirius was sure he wasn’t imagining the way he was hardening underneath her. He quickly brought his hand to her neck, pulling her back and effectively disconnecting their lips. 

“Wha-” Y/N yelped, as Sirius set her beside him and jumped up from the couch. 

“Y/N! I completely forgot, James and I thought of this wicked prank!” Y/N hazily stared at the grinning boy, still trying to pull herself down from the high she had been experiencing. 

“Sirius, why don’t you tell me about it with James… you know, later.” She had a pout on her face, but Sirius laughed ignoring it. 

“Yes, let’s go right now. I’m pretty sure him and Peter are headed to the library after class.” He grabbed her hand but she halted his movements, causing him to look back at her with a confused expression. 

“There’s still an hour before classes end. We can’t go back right now.”

“Oh it’ll be fine, we can just go to the last of our classes,” Sirius began to walk, but was stopped once again by a quiet voice. 

“That’s alright. You should, um, go back to class. I think I’m going to head up to my dorm.” Sirius cringed at the way Y/N’s voice cracked at the end of her sentence, but he made no effort to show her he noticed. He nodded, his shit-eating grin unwavering. As she quietly went up the stairs Sirius sat back down on the couch, dropping his head into his hands. 

Upstairs, Y/N wiped her unwanted tears as she sat down on her bed. Sirius and Y/N had been together for nearly a month, which may not have been very long, but they had been pining after each other for a year and for even longer subconsciously. She was more than ready to go farther than just kissing with Sirius, but he seemed to be on a completely different page. Of course, Y/N didn’t mind that the guy she felt so deeply for wasn’t ready to go farther. In fact, she wanted him to feel more than comfortable when they did get there. What bothered her was that it was Sirius that she felt deeply for. Sirius Orion Black, the infamous lady’s man. He had slept with so many girls at Hogwarts that he had lost track (no really, he tried to keep a list when he had first lost his virginity). The same Sirius Black that had told Y/N that it was childish of her to not talk about sex with him because it was “completely natural and something friends talk about” when they were fourteen, was now making no move to do anything of the sorts. How was she not supposed to feel insecure when he had been thinking of James Potter while making out with her? What the fuck. 

Despite her insecurities and, frankly, her sexual frustration, Y/N had put her qualms aside by the next day. If Sirius wasn’t willing to have sex yet, that was completely his decision and she had to respect that. So, she sauntered into one of the classes they shared seating herself down next to him and kissing him on the cheek. She playfully winked at James who was glaring at her (he hadn’t quite forgiven the couple for kicking him out of his spot next to his best mate). 

“Hey,” Sirius said cautiously. “I didn’t see you at breakfast.”

“I overslept,” Y/N responded honestly. “I missed you though.” She grinned cheekily at the boy in front of her as she rested her arms on the table in front of her, resting her head on top. 

Sirius chuckled, scoffing, “Yah? You saw me yesterday.” He carefully watched her to see her reaction to him referencing the previous afternoon. But when her smile remained intact, he felt himself relax. She wasn’t angry. 

“I know. What can I say, you have that effect on me.” Sirius’ smile grew even larger, which Y/N didn’t think was possible but was so glad it was. “We’re still on for tomorrow right?”

“Obviously,” Sirius rolled his eyes, jokingly. “I would never miss a date with my girl.”

“Never? Be careful, Black. That’s a deadly promise.”

As the next day rolled by, Sirius found himself knocking on the young girl’s dorm. The door opened to reveal red hair and a pointed look. Lily stared at the boy in front of her and seemed to be sizing him up. 

“Lily?”

“Yes?”

“Um, is Y/N there?”

The red-head narrowed her eyes and carefully said, “she’s just finishing up in the bathroom… So where are you taking my friend, Black?” 

“Oh, c’mon, Lily. Don’t act like a stranger,” Sirius scoffed, obviously referring to the pair's very close friendship. Lily, who ��� though she’d never admit it— knew she was being a tad bit dramatic, kept her face stoic as she replied. 

“Well, when you date my best friend, this is the Lily you have to deal with. You chose this, Black.”

“If it means I get to date the girl of my dreams, I’d say it's an easy price to pay,” Sirius cheesily spoke, but the look on his face was genuine enough to elicit a positive reaction from his red headed friend.

“Good answer, Black. You’re welcome to come in,” Lily smiled, rolling her eyes. 

“Why, thank you. That’s very thoughtful of you, Potter.” Howling with laughter, Sirius dodged the pillow Lily harshly chucked at him from her bed (“I will never be a Potter!”). Sirius placed himself on Y/N’s tidied up bed and found himself smiling at her corner. He had been here multiple times before, but something felt so different now. Suddenly the muggle nightlight she kept between the corner of her bed and her night stand made his heart beat faster. And now getting to see the moving pictures of her friends and her lining her walls was a reminder of how lucky he was to be accepted into her life. And the poster of some famous wizard made his stomach turn with jealousy. Every mundane thing about her side of the room, had him spiraling out of control. 

“You didn’t have to meet me here, I could’ve just come to the common room,” Y/N’s voice pulled him out of his head and he shot up taking her in. She had a short white dress adorning her body and a carnation pink cardigan in her hand. Her hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, defining her cheekbones that carried a light blush. She looked gorgeous. She was gorgeous. 

“Thought I’d pick you up from your door like in those muggle movies you like.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not exclusively a muggle thing, but still very thoughtful, nonetheless,” Y/N mused, leaning up to kiss her boyfriend. 

“Yes, please pretend I’m not here.” Laughing, Y/N pulled back from Sirius. Apologizing to Lily, the couple left hand in hand. 

“Alright, babe, what’s the plan for today?” Sirius inquired, his hand quickly wrapping around Y/N’s shoulders pulling her closer. 

“Right, so since we still have class tomorrow, I know we can’t go anywhere, really. But I wanna show you something special. ”

“Ooo, somewhere special you say? Now tell me, where can my precious Y/N be taking me?” 

“You’ll just have to see,” Y/N winked up at the boy. 

Y/N’s destination had been the herbology greenhouse, which had sparked a lot of questions from Sirius. She explained that she had asked a professor to let the two of them spend some time there if they promised not to touch any of the plants. At first, Sirius had begged Y/N to let him steal some of the ingredients he needed for an upcoming prank he had planned on Severus, but quickly quieted down when he saw the disappointed look on his girlfriend's face. As he finally started to listen, she began to explain why the two of them were here. The night had ended with the two deciding to sneak some leftover dinner out of the kitchen and eat it in the astronomy tower. 

Huddled under James’ invisibility cloak, the teenagers tried to keep their giggles at a minimum.

“Oh, would you stop knocking your head into mine?”

“Me?! You stop!”

Finally, after a lot of hushing and, as a result, even louder laughs, they had made it into the Astronomy tower and were now situated on the floor. The pair ate their dinner in a comfortable silence, each of them reflecting on how they had felt that day. Sirius felt loved. They hadn’t shared the three words yet, but there was no other way to explain it. It felt like he had finally found the light out of the tunnel that he had been running through for the past six years, ever since the Sorting Hat had placed him in the house that bled red and gold. He felt loved, safe, worthy. And that terrified him. Throughout the last six years, all he had heard was that he ruined everything. The taunts came from the only other woman he had ever loved. Yes, it was in a very different way but it was his mother. He loved her and all she had ever done was tell him he didn’t deserve the same in return. But as he looked at Y/N as she silently gazed at the stars in front of her, he knew she would never hurt him like that. She was here to stay. Despite this, he still couldn’t bring himself to do the one thing he was yearning to do. 

However, Y/N wasn’t on the same page. She began to move her hand up and down Sirius’s thigh as she rested her head on his shoulder, peering up at him. “Sirius?”

“Hm?” But he never got a reply, instead having her capture his lips in a sloppy manner. She shifted so she was propped back on her elbows and Sirius responded by laying her down further.  After a few more moments Sirius could feel that this was once again headed in a direction he had been avoiding. His suspicions were confirmed when Y/N let her fingers play with the hem of his sweater, as if waiting for him to give her some form of permission. As she waited, she brought one of his hands to rest low on her inner thigh, giving him access to move it where he wished. Sirius’ mind was yelling for him to pull away, but as he looked at her laying beneath him he couldn’t help but give into his desires. His hand disappeared under her white dress and pinched at the soft skin of her thigh. Y/N let out a whimper as he began to rub circles in addition to occasionally pulling at the skin. Sirius pulled his lips away at the same time that he moved his hand to rub against her lace underwear. He couldn’t believe the sight in front of him. Y/N had her eyes squeezed shut as she let out quiet moans at the way his fingers were moving against her core. Sirius’ lips trailed down her throat as he considered what was happening. There Y/N was, underneath him, her arousal pooling in his hands, and her breaths showing just how desperately she needed him, and yet he couldn’t go through with what he wanted. Sirius opened his eyes and - somehow surprisingly to Y/N - pulled away, heaving. But Y/N figured if he wasn’t going to respond to her physical hints, she would just use her words. 

“We don’t have to stop,” Y/N mumbled, resting her hand on his cheek as she stared into the swirling storm of his eyes. 

“No, that’s okay.” Taken aback by his brashness, Y/N let a few minutes pass before she spoke. Everything in her mind was telling her it was a bad idea to voice her concerns, but she had to at least communicate with her fucking boyfriend. 

“Sirius?”

“Yes, love,” Sirius was looking out the window, his arms now extended behind him propping him up. 

“Why won’t you fuck me?” Sirius’ eyes snapped up to Y/N’s, a look of pure shock on his face. She wanted to run away and never meet his eyes again, but she held her ground. This was normal. Couples talked. 

“I- what? I’m not not - I don’t,” Sirius blabbered before he was cut off by Y/N.

“Don’t bother denying it. I mean you’ve been avoiding doing anything past making out, which is fine! I just… i just wanna know why, is all.” Her gaze was stuck on the ground as she whispered the last part.

“I don’t know what to say,” Sirius said, dumbfounded. 

“Um, I guess - well, are you uncomfortable? Are you not ready yet?” Y/N’s suggestion was innocent, but all Sirius heard were accusations. Sirius wasn’t necessarily the most mature lad and Y/N implying he was nervous about having sex (one of the things he prided himself on knowing best) seemed like an attack to his pride. 

“What? Of course not. I am not the least bit unready.”

“Oh, great then! If you’re worried about me, then you don’t need to be. I’m ready too, Sirius. I really want you.” FUCK. Sirius’ bloody ego had gotten in the way of his only decent excuse as to why he wouldn’t have sex with his own girlfriend. Who was now even closer to Sirius, a welcoming smile on her face. 

“N-no. I mean I’m ready but…” 

Y/N stared at Sirius unsure of what to do. This was definitely the most awkward moment the two had found themselves in in all the years they had known each other. Staring for a couple more seconds, Y/N leaned closer only to have Sirius lightly push her back. 

“Siri-”

“I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, Y/N!” He had uprooted from his spot and was now staring down at the girl, making her feel like an irritating child. She slowly rose up from her spot, tears now brimming her eyes as she looked at Sirius.

“Oh… so it’s me.”

“No.” Upon her eyes looking at him with a little more hope he quickly sputtered out, “I mean, yes. Yes, it’s you.” And just like that, tears were streaming down her face. She quickly ran around the slender boy, invisibility cloak be damned. Sirius’ shouts be damned. 

The next morning, Y/N had decided what had to be done. She greeted Lily with a smile as she normally would. She got ready for class as she normally would. And went down to meet up with Remus (who had a tendency to wake up late, just like her) as she normally would.

As the two friends talked casually, Remus didn’t even realize Y/N had sat down next to him in the Great Hall. But everyone else had. Y/N and Sirius had sat next to each other since second year. James claimed one side of Sirius’ while Y/N claimed the other. Even James had at times sat in other spots around the table, whether it was to try (and fail) to charm Lily or to tease Peter and Remus. But Y/N had never sat anywhere but next to Sirius and Sirius next to Y/N.

As the werewolf and witch’s laughter finally died down, they looked up to see the whole table staring at them. It was at that moment that Remus noticed the empty spot to the left of the boy across from him. His eyes shifted back to the girl next to him, watching as she quietly ate her food. 

“So, Y/N,” James began, a questioning look in his brown eyes. “Don’t wanna sit next to your boyfriend today?”

Sirius’ eyes were already trained on Y/N and the solemn look on his face couldn’t be missed. Her eyes met his for a fraction of a second before turning to James, a polite smile on her face as she replied. 

“Don’t have a boyfriend to sit next to,” She deadpanned. The clash of a fork was heard and now everyone, but the one person he wished was, was staring at Sirius. Unbeknownst to Y/N his eyes had gathered tears and he was looking at her as if his world had turned dark. Which it had. Her words had extinguished any form of light and now he was just wandering blind. He quickly shot up from his seat, looking frantically at the faces around him before running out of the Great Hall, ignoring his friend’s requests to slow down. 

“What the fuck was that, Y/N?” Y/N had expected James to be the one to shout at her, even Remus maybe. But when she recognized the voice as that of Lily’s her eyes shot up and she furrowed her brows. Had she really messed up? It might’ve been dramatic, but she didn’t think it was uncalled for. He didn’t want to be with her, she was cutting him loose. But the way Lily was staring at her, the judging glare she reserved for everyone but Y/N, made her question whether her ploy of embarrassing Sirius was worth it. But she was also upset. Maybe irrationally, but genuinely upset. So she shrugged her shoulders and continued to eat. 

The rest of the day had gone by at an alarmingly slow pace. Y/N’s head was pounding the entire day and all she wanted was to crawl into her bed. She hadn’t seen Sirius in any of their classes and Remus had informed her that he hadn’t attended other classes either. She felt guilty at his words, but she didn’t let it show as she told him she didn't really care what Sirius was up to. The worst part of the day was that while everyone seemed to be treating her normally - granted a little cautiously - her best friend had been giving her the cold shoulder. Since when had Lily become a fan of Sirius? The two shared a strong friendship, but she had warned Y/N at the start of her relationship that Black wasn’t the type of guy you trusted with your heart. Of course, at that time she had been referring to the fact that he often only sought out relationships with girls that ended in him receiving a sexual favor. Ah, the irony of it all. 

With Lily giving her the silent treatment and her growing headache, Y/N had opted to stay in her dorm for dinner. Instead, she decided to take a short nap to keep her from feeling everything she felt right now. 

“Wake up.” The voice that woke Y/N up from her sleep was harsh and belonged to none other than Lily Evans. As Y/N slowly sat up, Lily pointed to the plate of food she had brought her before exiting the room. It wasn’t fair. Sirius probably had all his mates with him consoling him (or rather cheering him on for his new found freedom) and Y/N didn’t even have the one person she was meant to. Sighing, she picked at her food and had a small conversation with Alice who had stopped by for a bit. Y/N could tell she was dying to ask her about the break up, but was refraining. One thing she could definitely go her entire life without dealing with, was the rumors she was bound to hear the next day. 

It had been a couple hours since Lily had left the plate with Y/N and Y/N’s ability to sleep had seemed to disappear. Which meant it was just her and her thoughts. She wondered if Sirius was okay. No person, let alone a man like Sirius, would be happy with the way she had ended things with him. She felt stupid for caring about what he felt. He basically said Y/N was sexually repulsive. The boy that fucked anything with legs, had said he didn’t want to sleep with her. The boy that was supposed to make her feel special.

Yet, all she could think about was that her notes wouldn’t be good enough today to give him for the classes he had missed. And she hoped that he had ate a proper lunch because in the last week him and Peter (who had been missing with Sirius at lunch) had been too busy playing stupid pranks to eat proper meals. She also wondered if he had talked to any other girls. She knew plenty of girls, even some of her friends, that had put their plans of seducing Sirius on hold because of her new relationship. Feeling the little bit of food she had managed to consume travel back up, she forced herself off her bed heading to the common room. She had to distract herself. 

She noticed her friends in one corner of the room, but when Lily’s cold gaze met hers she looked away and headed to another corner. She was lucky enough to find a few of her other friends to converse with. She hadn’t really put much input in the conversation, but she listened carefully to what her friends said in hopes that their gossip would distract her. 

“Y/N.”

Y/N’s eyes trailed up to meet Remus’ soft ones and a sympathetic smile on his face. He nodded his head to the other corner of the room, indicating for her to follow him. She slowly followed him, her nimble fingers playing with the frayed edges of her cardigan. 

“First of all, missy,” Started James a mischievous smirk on his face. “You are not allowed to just sit away from us. Even if some of us are being unnecessarily harsh.” Y/N’s eyes widened slightly as she realized he was referring to Lily. His Lily. But in that moment she was too grateful to worry, especially when he lovingly wrapped his arms around her shoulder letting her rest her head on his chest. She mumbled an apology and wrapped her arms around the torso of the boy that had treated her just like a sister since first year. 

“‘s no problem, bug. Just don’t make the same mistake twice.” She nodded her head, falling back asleep within minutes. When she woke up, James wasn’t holding her anymore and instead she was wrapped in a soft cashmere blanket on the same loveseat. It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness, but when they did she had the breath knocked out of her. Across from her, on a slightly longer sofa, was the boy that had just been in her dreams. Sirius looked different from in her dreams, he appeared troubled even in his sleep. But beautiful nonetheless. 

Y/N quietly walked over to where he was laying, crouching next to him. She knew it was wrong but all she wanted was to feel his skin under the tips of her finger. She carefully moved the hair that had matted to his forehead behind his ear. She didn’t miss the way he was sweating and the smell of fire whiskey that left his open mouth. But she stayed right there next to him, tracing her fingers lightly across his cheek. Y/n wished she could freeze time right there. Because this way, he wasn’t bothered by her and she could have him right by her side. 

“You lost the right to touch me when you broke up with me,” Sirius’ rigid voice startled Y/N and she quickly pulled her hand back. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were up. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have,” her words left her mouth in a rush. Hastily, she began to head for the stairs but Sirius caught her wrist before she could leave. 

“Don’t go. Please.” The vulnerability in Sirius’ voice was enough to make her turn around. He was still laying on the sofa and he made no effort to explain himself. He just looked straight into her eyes, the fireplace casting shadows across his face. Her wrist was itching from his touch and her eyes burning from his stare. She swallowed her nerves and sat at the end of the sofa, releasing herself from his grip. 

“I shouldn’t have been so childish this morning,” Y/N murmured, her eyes looking straight at the fireplace. She shifted her gaze to look at him knowing she had to do this. “I’m sorry for the way I ended things, I should’ve done it in a more mature way.”

“You shouldn’t have done it at all.” Y/N would’ve scoffed if it wasn’t for the fact that Sirius looked like he was one wrong move away from falling apart. 

“That isn’t fair, Sirius,” Her voice rose slightly, but she recognized that the common room wasn’t the right place for her to unleash all her emotions. “You can’t expect me to stick around when you don’t even want me.”

Sirius simply sighed, using his arms to get up and bringing his knees to his chest. “You’re crazy stupid, love.”

Y/N was ablaze with anger now and was about to get up before deciding against it. She was going to speak her mind, no running away from this. 

“Yah, I’m so crazy for not wanting to be in a relationship where the guy I love doesn’t even want to have sex with me.” She was so angry she didn’t even realize what she had said.

“I love you too,” The raven haired boy replied, breathlessly. 

“What?” 

“You said you love me. Do you mean it?” Y/N cursed under her breath before looking at her lap as tears began to fall from her eyes. 

“Yes, Sirius. I love you,” The tears were falling harder now but she persisted. “But don’t lie to me. If you don’t love me, that’s okay. But stop pretending you do,” she was sobbing now. Her whole body was racking with sobs as she brought her hands up to cover her face. The long forgotten headache was slowly creeping back into her head and all she wanted was for it all to stop. But apparently the universe had other plans for her, because she was now being wrapped into the arms of the one person she wanted to get the farthest away from but also impossibly close to.

“I would never lie to you,” Sirius began, rubbing the young girls back. “Especially not about this. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t. I love you so much, Y/N. I don’t think you could ever understand how much I need you.”

The young girl didn’t respond, instead just letting her heart pour itself out in the arms of the boy who was squeezing it. Eventually, she pulled back from Sirius. He felt cold. Despite the fire that was lit right next to them, he felt so cold without the contact of her body. 

“How,” she sniffled. “How can you love me but say what you said last night? Do you think I’m unattractive? Or is it something I do?” Sirius had never seen the girl so unsure of herself. She almost always exuded confidence. Authentic confidence. He couldn’t believe that the girl he was meant to make feel secure, was doubting herself because of him. 

“Listen to me, Y/N. You are the sexiest girl I have ever seen. And that’s not just some bullshit I’m spewing to make you feel better. No, I mean you are literally the sexiest girl in all of Hogwarts and I am yet to find someone more attractive than you in any other place I’ve spent time. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible. You’re so fucking hot that - Merlin, this is embarassing - in fourth year I had my first wet dream about you.” At this the girl in front of him couldn’t contain the chortle that left her throat. 

“What?”

“I know, it’s so fucking embarassing. I never told you because I thought if I expressed how attractive I thought you were it would ruin our friendship.”

“Oh,” sensing the forlorn feelings creeping back into her mind, Sirius continued.

“But you’re also beautiful. Like heaven and the stars above on earth, ethereally beautiful. Do you remember last year, when you, Lily, me and the boys went to that muggle ball over summer holiday. The one Lily took us to? I, um, actually one moment,” Sirius without another explanation ran up the stairs. However, within seconds he ran back down a book in his hand. “You can’t tell anyone but I have a journal-”

“You have a diary?

“A journal.”

“I like when guys write in diaries.”

“It’s a diary, actually,” Sirius smirked when he saw a bigger smile spread across her face. He wouldn’t stop till he got one that met her eyes. “Well, this is my diary from fifth year. On the day we went to the ball, I wrote quite a lengthy entry - I’m sure you remember a lot happened that night. But, I wrote this first. I think I might be fucked. I’ve never doubted how attractive Y/N is, but today was different. She looked like an angel. I mean a literal angel. Her dress was gold and it had one of those necklines that makes a v-shape. That’s probably what they’re called actually. But, by Godric, she looked so gorgeous. When she was walking down Lily’s stairs to meet up with the boys and I, I had to pinch myself. I actually pinched myself, because I thought I was at my bloody wedding. A wedding?! Why the fuck did I think I was marrying my best friend? How is it humanly possible to be that beautiful?’”

“A wedding?” Y/N’s eyes were blown wide, as she looked at Sirius with worry.

“Don’t worry, love. We both know I have a tendency to be a bit dramatic We can table the wedding talk for a few years from now,” He winked, and this time he heard the laugh she let out. “What I’m trying to say, Y/N, is that your looks are not even in the question. Neither is anything you're doing. Which by the way can I just ask, how are you so good at that shit?” 

Her cheeks flushed and she was glad that it was dim in the room. Ignoring his question she proceeded with one of her own, “Then why, Sirius? If you’re ready and I’m ready and your diary knows that, why don’t you want to sleep with me?”

“I do, more than anything. I don’t know why I didn’t just say that yesterday,” Upon receiving a skeptical look, he continued to explain himself. “I want to be with you in that way and in every way possible, but I don’t want to rush it. Not because I’m nervous, per say, but because that’s what I always do.”

“Baby,” Sirius shifted closer as he heard the endearment leave Y/N’s lips. “I know you're more experienced than me, but that doesn't bother me. I’m not going to think that I’m just another one of your conquests, if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

“That was one thing I was worried about, but I also just think I need to take it slow for me. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. You had that one git early last year,” He grumbled, eliciting an even louder laugh from you. “But, I’ve never been in anything serious. And I think I need to assure myself that I can build a connection - a romantic one, that is - outside of sex. I’m quite shit at communicating, as we have gathered from recent events. I need to work on stuff like that first I think.”

The y/e/c eyed girl felt her heart swell as the words left his mouth and it took everything in her not to throw herself on top of him. 

“Are you upset?” It was Sirius’ turn to basfully face away, as he awaited a response. 

“How could I be?” Y/N moved closer to Sirius so that they were both face to face and her hands grabbed his. “I’ve been blessed with the best boyfriend in the world.” Sirius’ ears perked up at her words.

“Boyfriend?”

“If you’ll forgive me? I should’ve tried to understand you better. I shouldn’t have been so rash.”

“Wasn’t only your fault, I definitely had my part to play.”

“Hmm,” She hummed. She pulled at his hand in a way that indicated she wanted to lay down. He pulled her into his chest as she continued. “In that case, we can work on it while building our connection.”

“I like the sound of that,” Sirius nuzzled his chin into her hair, before resting his cheek over her head. “Now, tell me. How was your day without the amazing Sirius Black?”

“Oh, Sirius,” she started, already feeling better that she could vent to him. “It was utter shit. I mean not only did I not have you, Lily was so angry with me. All of the boys were so sweet, but Lily wouldn’t even look at me.” 

“Shit.”

“What?”

“Um, I might’ve told only Lily everything I just said to you, this morning. And I might’ve left out my harsh words last night.”

“Sirius!” Y/N tried to hit her fist against his chest, but he caught it easily. 

“I’m sorry! The boys wouldn't have understood what I was saying. I’m actually the most sensible of the bunch.” 

“Okay, well that just isn’t true. But too bad, Lily’s my best friend, you get the three boys that barely make one brain together and I get the smartest girl in our year. Do you understand?” She sassed, only a little mirth evident in her voice. 

“Yes ma'am,” Sirius grumbled. 

“Good.” 

“You’re wrong by the way,” Sirius spoke, continuing upon seeing Y/N’s confused stare. “You’re the smartest girl in our year.” 

She rolled her eyes before replying, “I can’t be the sexiest and the smartest girl.” 

“That’s why you’re so amazing, you defy the odds!” At his compliment, the girl simply mumbled for him to shut up and he pulled her closer. 

“Y/N, can you say it again?” She didn’t have to ask him what he meant. She knew.

“I love you, Sirius,” She whispered, pressing a kiss against his clothed shoulder. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, darling.”

“I love you.”

[panharmonium]

some meandering bbc merlin thoughts that got too long for tags on this gifset.

normal disclaimers apply, which, given that i’m evaluating media, means that these are just my own thoughts and nobody else need agree with them; i don’t expect all of us to have the exact same impressions of tv shows. :) 

now, without further ado:

i started to type a novel in the tags of that gifset, but it got too long, so i’m moving it over to an actual post.  and what i wanted to say there is this: my thing about arthur isn’t that his story was badly written.  it’s that it was incomplete.

it’s probably more common for folks to assign responsibility to the writing, and that’s totally fine; i definitely get it - there are places in this show where i think things could have been handled better as well.  (i did write sixteen pages about how poorly executed the finale was, after all.)  but for my own part, i personally don’t think most of the story was badly written.  i think it was unfinished.

and what i mean by that is that i sincerely think that almost everything bbc merlin did could have been pulled together in a meaningful way after 5.11, and that if this had happened, then we would be evaluating the previous seasons differently, because things that seemed to not fit or be nonsensical or not be given enough attention would have been pursued all the way through to their natural conclusions.  

i’m not sure if it’s because i watched the show so late, or because i watched it in a spoiler-phobic bubble isolated from fandom input, but my own assessment of this show seems to exist in kind of a weird limbo-place on the spectrum of fandom opinions, because i don’t like how it ended, but i also don’t dislike the writing, up to the point of the finale.  are there things that could have been improved, or quibbles i have?  definitely.  i can list them for you.  but overall?  i still believed in the story at the 5.11 mark.  there were things i sometimes thought ‘oh, i’m not sure about this,’ but i always gave the show the benefit of the doubt, because i truly did feel that things were going somewhere.  anything the show did that gave me pause wasn’t something that couldn’t eventually have been made meaningful, if the show had actually...been finished.* 

(*elyan’s death excepted.  that’s one of the things on my list, and i think it might be the only thing besides the finale that doesn’t fall under the criteria i’ll discuss below.  it was a bad decision, flat-out, and could not have been improved by finishing the story.)

so for example, morgana.  if i were going to critique her development, yeah, i’d say that we don’t get enough of her internal conflict; she goes from the voice of moral authority to (apparently) delighting in wickedness very quickly, offscreen, and the constant smirking doesn’t show us what we know must be true - that she hasn’t become like this because she enjoys it; that she is wounded and her rage at arthur, gwen, merlin et al comes from a very real place of pain.  

but, as i said above - even though her development was something i recognized as questionable while i was watching, it didn’t make me too nervous, because i really trusted that the story was eventually and slowly taking us to the place it needed to go.  you could see her conflict, sometimes, in her confrontations with arthur, and that conflict finally took center stage in 5.09, when mordred confronted her and appealed to her humanity.  they were getting there.

and evaluating her development solely from what we ended up getting, i agree: now the writing just looks Bad.  but it wouldn’t have been bad, if it had been finished.  i would have completely believed morgana closing herself off from regret/sadness/compassion/any feelings at all for her former friends; it would have been okay for her to be so smirky, cold, etc; because it wouldn’t have been the endpoint for her arc, but rather a front to protect herself from the true conflict she felt.  we would have gotten more than that.  the story would have taken her farther than that.  but the story was incomplete, and so everything that came before it just looks like a mess that ran off a cliff.

this is how i feel about almost all of the “questionable” writing things on this show.  it’s not that they were ‘bad’ decisions in and of themselves, but they look that way in the rearview mirror because they never had the chance to develop into what they were supposed to be. 

take arthur, for another example.  i honestly don’t have a problem with his arc in S4 and S5.  i completely believe what a horrible and unadmirable mess he is for most of S4.  i believe that he would absolutely revert to thinking about “what would my father do” as soon as the realities of kingship are thrust upon him.  and i love how in S5 he’s moved past that and IS admirable in so many other ways, but then we start once again addressing the central conflict, which is that he’s still oppressing part of his population, and he starts to hit roadblocks again.  5.05 and 5.11 are the crisis points there, and honestly, i didn’t have a problem with how they unfolded (i mean, i did, but not in the sense of ‘this is bad writing and i hate it.’  rather in the sense of ‘this is fucking painful but i believe it’).  

the problem for me was never that it took arthur too long to accept magic or that he backslid or anything like that, because quite frankly i found all of that to be believable, given the circumstances.  the problem was that the show ended before he was ever allowed to progress past that.  he never atoned for anything he did.  he, like morgana, was never allowed to go where he was meant to go, because the show stopped before it was over.  if he had, all of his previous missteps wouldn’t have felt so much like ‘bad writing,’ they would have just been natural steps on his long journey.

same thing goes for gwen.  do i have a problem with her being sidelined towards the end of the show?  abso-fucking-LUTELY.  that’s on my list.  did her relationship with morgana deserve a resolution?  YES.  but it still could have happened!  if there had been more time, the show could have dealt with that.  gwen’s enchantment by morgana could have meant something, could have prompted something bigger; gwen could have taken the reins and started pushing arthur, who has entrenched himself into old ways, to start thinking from a place of compassion, even though it’s risky and it scares her.  or she could have broken with arthur’s decisions completely and made a move of her own.  if they had been given the time, nothing that happened to gwen prior to 5.11 precluded her character from going somewhere important.

and merlin - merlin could have gotten what he deserved, which is a resolution to the question he’s been struggling with since literally day one: how do i justify serving a regime that oppresses me?  how do i reconcile my responsibility to my people (and MYSELF) with an externally-imposed responsibility to protect arthur?  

merlin never settles on an answer to that question.  or rather, the answer he’s given is that he doesn’t need to be conflicted in the first place; protecting arthur was the right thing to do (even though it ultimately achieves nothing).

merlin deserved to have a chance to work out the answer to that question for himself, rather than having his core dilemma wiped aside.  and, much like my opinion on everyone else’s arcs, i don’t think the writing on this show ever took merlin to a place where this problem couldn’t be addressed.  i don’t find merlin’s arc questionable; i am fully convinced by the hole he’s dug for himself by 5.11.  merlin’s descent into single-minded preservation of arthur’s life at the expense of his own welfare/moral compass is absolutely tragic, yet also absolutely believable, to me - merlin’s been told all along that saving arthur is the only way to save his people, and now he’s been presented with so much evidence to the contrary - and yet he doesn’t want to admit that it’s all been for nothing - it’s honestly…i honestly actually think it’s spectacularly crafted.  that scene with finna in 5.10 is absolutely the most devastating thing i think i’ve ever witnessed on this show - when merlin’s on the verge of passing out and he murmurs, ‘it won’t always be like this.  things will be better.’  and you can see he’s just telling himself a lie, over and over again, trying to believe.  and then when he says ‘running…from arthur?’ because he knows, he knows it’s true that arthur is the real threat, arthur is the one with the sword at all their throats, but merlin has come to care about him so much - 

truly, they hit a point there that was just - fucking amazing.  that was the moment.  that, leading into 5.11, was the axis point for merlin’s unavoidable moral crisis, and there was so much potential there and so many places for it to go, but then the show just ended.  conflicts wiped away.  no wrongs ever righted.  merlin never comes into his own.  he never finds his feet.

but he could have.

so again.  what i’m saying here is that for me, for my particular experience with this show, i actually don’t dislike the writing, up until the very finale.  i think the writing actually brought us to a place that was fairly exploding with possibility.  but then the show just stopped, and that’s why it’s so easy to find places to critique the previous seasons, because of course it all looks poorly constructed now.  it isn’t finished.

[sirrriusblack]

Falling Like Snow

So this is two things in one, um, @just-a-teen-fangirl asked for a part two to the second drabble I ever posted like back in October-ish and I just never really got around to it (that’s linked here and this will probably make more sense if you read that first) and then @lov-lyness (it won’t let me tag you so uh, yeah) sent in a prompt at like, the start of April and I’m horrible so I only just got around to it. But yeah, here we have some good old Dorlene plotting to get Jily together :)

(also thank you to @e-of-west-glendia​ for helping me with this idea like a good month or two ago...)

It was cold. That’s all that Lily could think while she paced the steps of the courtyard.

“Lily!” she looked up to see Dorcas and Marlene, hand in hand and rugged up in at least five layers each. She smiled at them and they walked over.

“Hey,” she said, shivering. Lily had always been told she was smart, and she believed it for the most part. For all the ease it portrayed, magic was difficult. What was more difficult though, apparently, was remembering that it was winter and that there was snow outside. She was such an idiot.

“Shit, Lils,” Dorcas said, pulling off her jacket. “You must be freezing.”

“Oh you don’t have to do—” Lily started to object but Dorcas’ outer jacket was already in her hands.

“It’s okay Lils, you’ll need it,” she said. Lily furrowed her brows.

“What for?” she asked. Marlene linked her arm with Lily’s and started leading her away.

“We just want to go for a walk,” she said sweetly. “It feels like we haven’t hung out in ages.” Dorcas hummed in agreement. Lily didn’t mention the Hogsmeade trip they’d taken two days ago. The sun was shining—not that it was doing much to warm Lily up—and snowflakes were landing in her hair like confetti. She wasn’t going to refuse.

Lily landed with a scream and a thud onto solid ice. She fell silent for a moment, trying not to move an inch and waiting for the ice to shatter under her weight. It didn’t. Marlene, realising Lily wasn’t going to die, both broke out into fits of laughter, leaving Lily to lie on the frozen lake and glare at them.

“I could have died!” she yelled, though the frost—and her friends’ laughter, though Lily wouldn’t admit it—softened the bite in her tone. Marlene and Dorcas kept laughing and Lily heard a few muffled words break through the sound, along the lines of “she just… oh Merlin… the thud…” Lily stood up and took a step forward. Or at least she tried to. Instead, she merely slid further from the snow, further from Dorcas and Marlene. Ignoring the girls’ laughter this time, Lily spun around, realising just which lake she’d fallen onto. The Great Lake. The massive, frozen over, stretching for miles, lake. And she’d slid when she’d fallen. In some stroke of bad luck, there was no one skating here either.

“Marls! Dorcas!” Lily snapped, trying to take another step forward. She had no clue how to ice skate, let alone do it without actual skates. Her third attempt at a step toward the girls had her spinning even further away. Marlene called out.

“Where are you going?”

“Guys! Help!” Lily called back. The ice was slippery. She didn’t know what else she’d been expecting, and it was a stupid thought, but she could barely register anything she was thinking at that point. Marlene and Dorcas moved closer to where Lily was and squatted along the edge of the snow. Lily sat cross-legged, too scared to move in fear of drifting further toward the middle of the lake. That was where the ice would be starting to melt under the afternoon sun. That was exactly where Lily didn’t want to be. She looked back to Marlene, her hair shining as bright as the snow and her smile even brighter.

“You can’t get here?’ Marlene asked. Lily shook her head and glared at Dorcas, who was holding back her laughter. “Alright, we’re going to go get our skates, and we’ll come back,” she said, standing up and brushing the snow from her clothes. Lily stood up a little too quickly and nearly slipped again.

“Why do both of you have to go?’ she asked, confused. Marlene smiled.

“I’m not carrying three pairs of skates,” she said simply, reaching for Dorcas’ hand. Lily called out to them but they didn’t stop walking. It wasn’t until later that she realised Dorcas and Marlene were both good enough at skating to go out on the ice to get Lily.

In fact, it wasn’t until James showed up that she realised it wasn’t a walk at all. It was a plot. And Lily was having none of it.

“Evans?” James called from almost the same spot the girls had been in before. Lily rolled her eyes and sat back down on the ice, turning away from James. “Alright then,” he said, a little bit short. Lily tried not to let it get to her. “Have you seen the Marauders?” he asked. “They said they were going to meet me here.” Lily could almost see the way he was messing up his hair and looking around like they’d be standing in the middle of the Great Lake or something. She scoffed.

“You mean your group of bullies that almost got Severus killed? Lily asked. It was petty, she knew, and probably unfair of her to be mad when she didn’t really know what happened. But she knew James Potter, and she knew that Severus wouldn’t lie. Even if he had called her a mudblood. Even if they hadn’t talked since that day three months ago. James muttered something from behind her and she turned around instinctively. “What?” she asked.

“Look, Lily, if you want me to leave, I’ll leave, but you don’t even know what happened and it isn’t what you think,” he said, pushing his glasses up his face. Lily folded her arms over her chest and didn’t reply. James sighed. “Have you seen them or not?” he asked again, and once again, Lily didn’t reply, instead looking at her shoes. “Alright,” James breathed, turning and walking from the lake.

“Let’s hear it then,” Lily choked out, before she could convince herself not to. James turned around slowly until he was facing Lily, looking her in the eye, confused.

“Hear what?” he asked carefully. Lily bit her lip.

“I um… tell me what happened,” she said. After a moment of agonising silence, James’ mouth quirked into a small smirk.

“Do you really want to know, Evans? Or do you just need help getting off the ice?” he teased, stepping backwards like he was going to leave. Lily considered her answer; whether or not she told the truth—that she’d felt guilty ever since the day she’d yelled at him in the hallway—or lie, because she really did need off this ice. She smiled.

“Both,” she admitted, which made James’ smile widen. “Now shut up Potter and get me onto bloody land,” she ordered. James grinned and jumped down onto the ice, frankly scaring the shit out of Lily. He spun a few times to show that he was fine and drifted closer, circling a stranded Lily teasingly.

After a moment, James extended his arm to Lily.

“So how’d you get out here?” he asked, waiting. Begrudgingly, Lily took it, knowing that he was never going to let her live this down. She sighed.

“I was walking with Dorcas and Marlene and I…” he looked toward Lily, waiting for her to finish the sentence. She knew he was going to laugh at her. “I fell. And drifted,” she finished, stumbling slightly as James led her slowly back toward the snow. James let out a bark of laughter. Lily hated to admit that she was savouring his warmth and had to physically restrain from leaning into it. Because of the cold. Because. Of. The. Cold. James was smiling madly and Lily, too distracted by his face—no! Um… his… his rude laughter—stumbled a step. Which in turn caused James to stumble a step, until both of them were running across the ice, not wanting to fall onto it, and they landed face-first, next to each other. Despite the snow melting under her burning cheeks, Lily let out a loud, happy laugh and turned to find James still grinning with snow flecks in his hair.

They stood up and sat by the edge of the lake but at a safe enough distance to avoid any more ‘incidents’ as James had phrased it. Still laughing, Lily turned to him. She turned to James. James Potter. What was she doing? She looked back toward the lake, her smile dimming.

“Ah, there it is,” James said, almost exhausted.

“What?”

“That look. You…” he drifted off, didn’t explain.

“What look, James?” Lily asked, looking at him and picking up a handful of snow in her right hand. James glances toward her and then down to his lap, like he was trying to decide what to do. He must have made a decision because he cleared his throat and looked at Lily.

“I know I’m a dick, Lily. I know I spent years annoying you and…” he trailed off again. “But you don’t look at me like I’m a dick, Lily. You look at me like I tried to kill your best friend and I don’t, okay. I didn’t do anything.” Lily chose not to correct him. Severus wasn’t her best friend. Not anymore. Instead, she let go of the snow and took a deep breath. “Look I know… I know I don’t have a chance with you, Lily,” he paused for a moment, like he was going to say more. Lily finally met James’ eyes, saw how beautiful they looked in the snow. She shook her head. “But for some reason, I can’t tell you why, I want you to believe me,” he finished. Lily blinked at him, trying to see past the act until she realised, there wasn’t one. For once, he was being honest.

Lily bit her lip, thinking back to that day, three months ago, when she’d yelled at James, accused him of something she had no idea about. She still remembered exactly what he’d said that day.

“I’m not a monster, Lily. Fuck, I— I would never put anyone’s life on the line. And especially not to prove my worth to you.”

“What happened?” she asked, looking away from James and watching the snow fall all over the grounds, catching on the leaves of trees and settling into the already snow covered ground. James sighed beside Lily.

“I can’t tell you the full story—“ Lily spun her head to face him. He was already trying to withhold information? “Because,” he kept going, “it’s not my story to tell.” He looked at Lily, eyebrows raised until she nodded for him to keep going.

“Sirius—he hasn’t—he’s not really okay at the moment,” James explained. “It’s not an excuse but he just… he told Snape—uh, um, Severus,” he quickly corrected himself at Lily’s eye roll. “He told Severus to do something—and this is the part I can’t tell you—and Severus did it because he’s—“ James cut himself short and looked sheepishly down at his lap. Lily laid back down against the snow, not sure how to act. She wanted to hear it, she really did. But every word that nearly came out of her mouth was to defend Severus. To defend the person who had betrayed she. James kept talking. “Severus listened to Sirius, and, I don’t know, I guess Sirius thought he wouldn’t, or—I don’t know. But Sirius told me what he’d done and—I can’t tell you why—but I ran after him and I grabbed him before he could get hurt.” Lily sat up.

“He had a bloody nose!” she said. James closed his eyes.

“Yeah well, he didn’t really come willingly,” James said. Lily sputtered.

“You punched him?” She exclaimed. James shrugged.

“He’s okay now, isn’t he?” he asked, glancing around Lily’s face. She huffed and laid back down in the snow, nodding.

They both stayed silent for a moment before Lily asked the question that had been burning inside her since it happened.

“What…” she started, taking a moment before she could really ask. “What was he walking into, James?” she asked, her voice a mere whisper. James laid down on the snow beside Lily, turning his head to face her.

“I can’t tell you that, Lily,” he replied, equally quiet. Lily bit her lip, considering asking another question. What’d she have to lose, right?

“Was he—was it Remus?” she asked, watching James’ eyes for any hint she was right. There wasn’t one. He just looked confused.

“What on earth would Remus be doing that’s dangerous to Snape?” he asked. Lily watched him for a moment longer but—nothing. Fine. He wasn’t going to tell her. That was fine. Whatever it was, though, was something bad enough to break Remus from the Marauders. And that meant it was bad.

“Nothing,” she smiled. “Nothing, it was a stupid thought I just—“ she shook her head again, looking at James lying in the snow, smirking up at her.

“If you say so, Evans,” he said, sticking out his hand awkwardly. “Now that we’ve got that cleared up, and I’ve so charmingly saved your life,” he started, nodding toward the frozen lake. Lily huffed a laugh. “Friends?” James finished, smiling. Lily smiled back and shook his hand without hesitation.

“Friends,” she confirmed.

“Oh my gosh, Lily!” Marlene yelled out at the same time Dorcas gasped.

“Scandalous, Lily!” she called. Lily laughed and let go of James’ hand.

“I’m glad you guys are back,” she called, smiling. “I have a question.” They stepped closer, intrigued. Lily looked at James and saluted him quickly, earning a confused chuckle. She turned to the girls. “Tell me, did you forget that you could have come out into the ice to get me?” she asked. Marlene froze. Lily had not forgotten her impeccable skating skills. In a matter of moments, Marlene and Dorcas were clutching onto each other and running away from Lily. Their laughter rung through the empty, snow-covered grounds of Hogwarts.