#and from my VF ^^
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notes on veifei and reciprocation of the gaze
(or, rethinking the PVS as taking place After yingdu, and thinking about vein and xf looking at each other, basically. is this even anything)
- xia fei's PV — in a post Yingdu context we see 'influencer' xf, the news report at YE6 refers to him as such, prior to that he's just a part time model:
- liu xiao's appearance in XF PV is transactional; conversely vein's appearance doesn't have that implication — its one sided; vein gazes upon XF with a smirk/smile, a look of (personal) interest
- what's the point of showing this scene?
- POST yingdu context/interpretation — vein is overseeing/watching over (an unaware) XF? Amusement? (endearment?) (veifei stonks are UP because xf would have to have really captured vein's attention for him to still be looking at him 'beyond the grave'/from the shadows)
- other instances of the (un)reciprocated gaze? the ED; vein looking towards the light, XF looking out towards the rain; the first meeting in which there is a reciprocal gaze (tho really the focus/framing is on vein looking down at XF); XF 'looking up to vein' in the metaphorical sense (what he says to shiguang in bahati), gazing up at the clocktower (which vein is atop of in the OP)
- XF is Unaware of vein's gaze, but looks at him/up to him regardless; vein is Aware of XF's gaze, and does seem to gaze back (reciprocation of the gaze)
- the role of surveillance -- suggesting control/dominance (vein's PV, and his appearance in XF's) - but we see XF's 'self surveillance' in his PV too - submission/acceptance/...reciprocation? A 'please watch me' - XF is looking For vein/looking AT vein -> what he does ("i got nothing left to lose / all i do is pursue") is for vein's return(ed gaze)
#anyway if vein is still watching him w/o xf knowing.... reunion when#i like to imagine lx approaches hin post yingdu and becomes a 'sponsor' in place of a presumed dead vein#so vein can easily watch over him#and is biding his time until lx gives him to okay to reunite w xf 🥲🥲 idk why vein would be taking orders from lx but#i imagine they're playing the long game#link click#yingdu spoilers#yingdu chapter#xia fei#vein#xiao weiying#veifei#veinfei#ness lc tag#corner.txt#is this meta?#do not percieve me if this is all incoherent ok i just wanted to ramble about vf#and share my silly notes....im having sm thoughts about post yingdu and how the veifei pvs are recontextualised#might self rb to expand on some things but yeah
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what're your favorite headcanons about the infinite blue boys
asdfghjkl thank you for the ask! Apologies this took so long, I love wanting to do multiple hobbies and subsequently not making progress on any of them
Anyway I'm a sucker for domestic mundane things, like the list of random facts VelvetFox posted in this ask, so here are some headcanons for the boys with that same vibe:
(I had some scraps of IB dad headcanons so those are mixed in here too)
Infinite Blue LIs x Reader. No mentions of reader pronouns or gender. Also posted on Ao3 here.
——
Alexei:
Has journals full of thoughts and observations about anything and everything. Some of his writing is illegible and other parts make no sense to anybody but him because it's literally his runaway train of thoughts dumped onto paper. He sticks post-it notes with diagrams between the pages, jots down excerpts from Wikipedia pages, and overall it's not an aesthetic read... But flipping through can give you an idea of how this super genius's brain works.
He also writes about you in these notebooks, albeit they're written in between stuff like the thirty-seven fun facts of siphonophores and his favorite part of last night's dinner. Many of them are things you’ve never even noticed about yourself like the way you hold the steering wheel while driving. This is also where he'll stick date memorabilia, like movie tickets. (this hc was inspired by this fic by @sailxrmxrs <3)
If you two own a saucer chair or some other small round comfy seat, he'll probably fall asleep in it at least once. He curls up, all 5'10" of him tucked in that tiny space. Naturally, his body hurts when he wakes up and therefore he gets a bit grumpy. So next time if you see him dozing off maybe lead him to the couch or the bed so he can stretch comfortably.
Brooklyn:
I want to imagine that he has a closet only for his clothing irons and ironing boards. Like a fucking broom closet and you open it to see that there's those four boards and a dozen irons. These include vintage clothing irons, restored and repurposed. He knows how to use them and take care of them too. Why does this make me laugh so hard.
Clothes shopping. Take this man clothes shopping. Yes, he'll buy you anything but honestly? Even disregarding that it’s a fun time because he would enjoy discussing outfits, and if your taste isn't the same as his business-academia-formal style he could be convinced into trying an outfit you styled, or vice versa. Also he's a total simp every time you step out of the changing room. Need fit pics? He's got you covered.
Something tells me Brooklyn would enjoy snacks and desserts from around the world. He'd love to make them himself (and with you!), but you could just come home with some mitarashi-dango because your local Asian supermarket was having a sale and he's already cracking open the container for the ceremonial-grade green tea leaves.
Leo:
Leo's our favorite gamer guy, but I think he also enjoys jigsaw puzzles whether they be with his friends or you or both. These are the quiet nights where everyone is focusing, intently staring at the puzzle sitting on the coffee table while aimlessly chatting. It's super peaceful, though sometimes time slips by unnoticed and by the time you all finish it's two in the morning.
Does that thing where you put someone in a shopping car, sprint across the parking lot while pushing said cart, then jump on it while it's moving. He does it with his friends, you, and his future kid (albeit with a lot more caution). He really wants to kiss you while he’s doing it too, but maybe not because what happens if he hits a car, or worse, someone else?
While we're on the topic of transportation and kisses, every time you're sitting shotgun and he pulls the car in reverse he'll put his hand on your seat and lean in to kiss you. Every. Single. Time.
Kiss him first. It'll get him flustered. Do it.
Milo:
I want to believe he really likes having his hair brushed. If you ask him about it he'll never admit it beyond a quick affirmative, but anytime you sit behind him and start to gently run the bristles through his tangles, he could feel himself relaxing. It's soothing. He might fall asleep like that.
Milo would own a 3d printer. I have no definitive reasons why. Vibe check says he owns a 3d printer and will print out cool little knickknacks and give them to you without a word because they either help you in a mundane way (like a toothbrush holder), or he'll print out something cute like a tiny frog with a mushroom hat because he likes seeing your face light up.
Or he'll print out something cursed, like that Thomas the Tank Engine bottlecap where the liquid streams out of the eyes. It's a coin toss every time.
Rory:
Was that one kid reading with a flashlight under the covers. Even now that he's older, he likes to get a bed light and read before bed. Sometimes he gets super engrossed in it and you gotta peel that book off him. He’ll complain. Stand your ground. Otherwise he'll be super sleep-deprived and cranky the next morning.
If his future child also turns out to be an avid reader, he'll secretly change out their flashlight batteries. Or get them a night light with some half-baked excuse of, "so you don't turn on all the lights when you get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and wake the entire house up." Sure, Rory.
Speaking of sleep-related things, he really likes it when you fall asleep next to him/on him. His expression melts into the softest smile and he'll pull you in tightly. If he falls asleep on you, he's the kind to unconsciously hold onto you/must be touching you at all times. He gets really embarrassed about it if you mention this to him. I recommend taking a picture and making it his contact photo.
Tobias:
Has terrible handwriting but an impeccable signature. Don't ever ask him to write the grocery list because it takes forever to decipher his chicken scratch, but he'll sign stuff for fans in one fluid stroke, and that shit looks clean. And yes, he'll offer to sign something for you too.
Loves it when he's chilling on the couch after a long day and you flop on top of him. He'll happily be your teddy bear and let you lay there for hours, the two of you chatting and watching TV while he rubs soft circles on your back. Feel free to fall asleep like that too.
He's the type to enjoy flashy, expensive dates. He takes you out in his sports car to get dinner at a fancy restaurant, followed by spectating sports games from the VIP seats. But I also think incredibly mundane things, like the two of you going out just to grab ice cream in sweatpants and hoodies give him a special kind of happiness.
Seeing you sleepily rubbing your eyes as you come to pick him up from the airport is enough to make him giddy.
#im not sure if you were asking for my favorite hc answered by VF or my favorite hcs I wrote myself so uh#both#i present you. both#also for anybody curious the asker in that VF post is me from a sideblog which is for a personal project#i'll make a proper post when im more... confident#and i know what im doing#Infinite Blue#Alexei#Brooklyn#Leo#Milo#Rory#Tobias#headcanons#alexei x reader#brooklyn x reader#leo x reader#milo x reader#rory x reader#tobias x reader#reader insert
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an extension of me to you + feat some recognizable ocs if you know me well
#digital art#art#my art#oc art#procreate#zack#arson#ryu#this started out from a sketch from a worksheet#oh yeah#vf cosmo#vforce11#voltron force 2011#voltronforce#voltron force#cosmo
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Life Update: I hate tekken buttons mapping with all my heart but Reina makes me stay and learn :D
#i play DOA#tekken is a whole ass new basic for me#but at least some of her moves like the wind god fist isnt that hard for me thanks to my fingers from playing Kokoro and phase 4#if you can master phase 4 or the VF guests from DOA5 you can master any shit#who plays DOA or tekken here?
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laios dunmeshi's french voice is bad but in a way that is both reminiscent of 90's movies french dubs and somehow fits with his character, it makes him sound like an autistic guy who doesn't bother ajusting the tone of his voice to sound normal
#i'm downloading dunmeshi in vf so i can watch it with my mom#also hey i'm taking a depression break right now from anything social but i check in from time to time and uh hey what the fuck is going on#dont answer me i don't wanna know#i learned the current tumblr ceo's first name and that's already tmi for me
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Posted that too early lol anyways while I continue chipping away at stuff, does anyone have any questions about any of my outcode guys? Like Comet, Wingdings, Dos, etc etc
#sunny with clouds#there's probably a more proper list in my ut master post but#there's comet. Star. nova. and flare <- all variants of comic papyrus#Wingdings is of course a gaster#dos is a fell papyrus#stargazer is an ot sans variant#there's also a few others who don't have names like an Alphys who helps out Wingdings from time to time. a maddie variant who helps them#there's a Muffet too and then a handful of ocs who also don't have names lmao#oh!! and ash! ash is an Asriel variant <3#i...dont have a tag for him i dont think oof#i dont remember comets tag either ough#vf void#pretty sure there's stuff about them in his tag#also#gf dos#Wingdings
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First time I take out of my sewing machine in years and it's to put a patch on a flannel.
#The flannel is from Vermont Flannel and if you're not familiar they're super legit so this thing is very soft and warm#Unlike the fashion plaid shirts from like Box Lunch and stuff#No hate to those I have at least five Disney flannel shirts from BL#But VF is made for a different sort of cold#This has become an unpaid add but I feel very strongly about my flannel#And if you've read this far let me tell you one of the standard go to patterns VF carries is the pink blue purple blue combo#Is they purposefully made a bi pride flannel or are those colors just pretty together? Who knows!
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Was talking to my sister and learned that Severance (the tv? series) is NOT, in fact, an Office-like copycat show where the employees are let go by a company and said company needing to give said employees pay
#personal#I like would see aesthetic posts about it and was like 'why is this show so gloomy looking' but just passed it off as#'corporate jobs are just like that though' and blocked it from my dash ffgjjfghfgh vf g#now that I know the ACTUAL premise it sounds interesting and maybe one day when it's no longer popular I'll give it a go ddffghhfff#<- probably will not give it a go not bc of anything malicious against it but bc I'm so hard to get sat down actually watching something 😭
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Sebastian Stan Is “Still Shaking” After Getting Two Golden Globe Nominations
On the heels of recognition for both The Apprentice and A Different Man, Stan speaks to Vanity Fair about his “surreal” journey to awards recognition, as well as being nominated in the same year as Pamela Anderson.
BY SAVANNAH WALSH

It’s not every day that an actor earns a Golden Globe nomination, much less two in the same morning. But Sebastian Stan joined the likes of Selena Gomez and Kate Winslet on Monday by getting dual Globe nominations. “It’s certainly surreal,” he tells Vanity Fair, “still sort of shaking from it.”
Stan secured recognition for both his dramatic turn as Donald Trump in The Apprentice and his more comedic performance as a tormented aspiring actor named Edward in A Different Man. It is the first time that a male performer has pulled off double nominations in the lead acting categories since Ryan Gosling managed to do it back in 2012. “Listen, one of my favorite actors of all time,” Stan says. “I’d be very glad to be in that little stat with him.”
In the early hours of nomination morning, Stan was getting some shuteye—or, at least attempting to. “I actually woke up in the middle of the night at 4:00, and was like, Oh, okay, there’s an hour and a half. I fell asleep again, and then I got a call from my publicist,” he tells VF. Since then, “I’ve been sending a lot of pictures to my mom.”
Some excitement is to be expected, especially when considering what it took to get both of Stan’s nominated films to the screen. “I never would’ve dreamt that I was going to be going to the Globes with both of these films, I never would’ve dreamt that both of the films would’ve come out in the same year,” he says.
Aaron Schimberg’s A Different Man sat in limbo for two years before debuting on the festival circuit this year. At the Sundance Film Festival, it was acquired by A24 for a fall release. The film then screened in Berlin, where Stan won the Silver Bear for best lead performance. Meanwhile, The Apprentice, directed by Ali Abbasi and written by Vanity Fair special contributor Gabriel Sherman, premiered at May’s Cannes Film Festival to positive reviews. But the film faced a treacherous road to distribution in the days before the 2024 presidential election.
“To even be in one room with both films is not something that’s ever crossed my mind,” Stan says. “So, I’ll be digesting that probably throughout the holiday season.” The recognition for each movie feels extra gratifying because “they both felt really challenging in terms of what the roles we’re requiring,” he says, “obviously one being one of the most famous people in the world, with a lot of people having very strong feelings about [him], and many, many impressions having been done. How do you go in there and find something new, or try to offer a different perspective?”
As it turns out, bringing a young Donald Trump to life during the dawn of his fortuitous relationship with Roy Cohn (Jeremy Strong, now Globe-nominated for best supporting actor in a feature film) was only half the fight. Stan recently opened up about the struggle to promote The Apprentice in the wake of Trump’s re-election, including having to pass on Variety’s Actors on Actors because other participants were reluctant to talk about the president-elect.
“The movie has had a really uphill battle since Cannes,” says Stan, who also recently nabbed an Independent Spirit Award nomination for the movie. “It’s been hard for people to have permission to express how they feel about the movie, and today feels very gratifying in terms of having the Golden Globes recognize the film, and the work. It feels like hopefully going forward people can feel okay talking about it, and see it.”
Stan earned his first Globes nomination for playing Tommy Lee in 2022’s similarly controversial based-on-a-true-story project, Pam & Tommy. How does he feel to be nominated in the same year as the real-life Pamela Anderson, who became a first-time nominee for The Last Showgirl? “I’m so happy for her, and [it’s] so well deserved. It’s a beautiful film and a beautiful performance,” says Stan. “From our end, this was always part of the goal and the intention [of the series]—to somehow shine a light where it hasn’t been shined before, and hopefully contribute in a way [to her success]. So yeah, I’m ecstatic for her.”
Stan is also rooting for many of his other fellow nominees. “My two favorite films of the year are Sing Sing and A Real Pain,” says the actor, who then praises one of his competitors in the musical/comedy lead actor race. “Jesse Eisenberg, I want to say congratulations to him because he’s somebody I worked with years ago, in 2006 [via Fred Durst’s feature directorial debut, The Education of Charlie Banks], and the man’s a genius. I love that movie so much.”
He also spotlights The Substance, a film that, along with a release date, also shares themes with A Different Man—more specifically, issues of transformation and fixation on physical appearance. “There were a lot of articles that kind of put us together, in terms of the themes of the movies,” says Stan. “But they’re unique in the sense that they are original. Sing Sing, A Real Pain, I should say Anora while I’m at it—to be able to have films that are standing on their own without any IP, or anything about them that we know but their true original film storytelling, is amazing.”
The Globes are seen as something of a precursor on the way to potential Oscar gold—but Stan isn’t getting ahead of himself. “The fact that we’re here today in itself is such a massive step, but it is very much a one day at a time experience,” says the 42-year-old. “As an actor in this community, besides the work that you do on the day, when you go home at night and feel like you’ve left it all on the field, there’s nothing more gratifying than the actual recognition of your peers. I’ve been doing this for 20-some odd years, and I’m pretty grateful. So, knock on wood, and whatever happens next happens—but we’ve already won in a major way.”
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An 18+ crackfic ft kth x reader.
Dedicated to Kim Taehyung's massive military arms.
Warnings: Crack, unseriousness and seriousness, medical professionals AU, mentions of blood, surgery, death, organ donation, vaping, explicit sex, birth control and copious swearing. 8k words.
start
‘Uh, guys,’ says the new intern, peering around the makeshift barrier you’ve draped between you and the surgeons. ‘There’s a lot of blood.’
‘Pretty, isn’t he?’ says the anaesthetic nurse, almost cooing.
Min Yoongi, your anaesthetic attending, looks unimpressed. ‘Who said he could look around the barrier? Threw me off my game.’
He waves his Switch dismissively. ‘Go check it out, Dr L/N. Also, Mr Kim, mind your minion.’
‘For fuck’s sake,’ snaps Mr Kim, otherwise known as Professor Kim Seokjin, head of cardiothoracics at your hospital and editor of Cardiac Surgery, the main journal for cardiothoracics in the world. (Impact factor 10.3)
You scramble round to see and realise the intern’s not lying.
‘Probably a litre of blood loss, maybe two,’ you call over the barrier.
‘I’m on it,’ calls Jung Hoseok, the perfusionist. He doesn’t quite beam his trademark sunny smile, he’s too busy running blood into the bypass circuit, but his pleasant, polite tones are a nice change from Kim Seokjin’s frosty comments and Yoongi’s grunts of disinterest.
‘You checking out my ass?’ asks Kim Taehyung, cardiothoracics fellow, deep voice lowered, a smirk you sense rather than see behind his face mask.
‘Dunno, is your ass making the patient bleed like a stuck pig?’ you retort. ‘Also, Jimin’s ass is better.’
Kim Taehyung’s brows draw together and he throws you a look that tells you that you’ll pay for that later, and it sends a delicious thrill up your spine, because Taehyung’s been looking good lately.
He always had a face to make one look twice, and now that he’s been hitting the gym and running in the mornings, he’s got a golden tan and arms that strain even through his baggy scrubs tops.
‘We have VF,’ says Yoongi, cool as a cucumber, throwing you a look. ‘Just as well we’re on bypass, but did you idiots get air in the coronaries again?’
You realise that whilst you were fantasising about Kim Taehyung choking you with his big arms and then his dick, all the alarms in your monitoring have been activated.
‘I can’t help if I make everyone’s hearts flutter,’ says Professor Kim Seokjin, Assistant Dean of the top medical school in South Korea.
‘Ah, stop,’ titters Hoyeon, the scrub nurse who’s been working with him for the last ten years but manfully pretending like it’s the first time she’s heard the joke.
The intern’s still staring, mouth agape, and you realise he’s staring at you.
‘Having a stroke?’ you ask, glaring at him.
‘Sorry noona,’ he stutters.
Beside him, Taehyung snickers. ‘Noona?’
‘Jesus fuck,’ scowls Yoongi. ‘Charge up the damn paddles and get me the fuck out of here.’
Yoongi tugs off his mask in a clear violation of operating theatre policy. ‘I’m getting coffee. If the patient dies, it’s on you.’
He tosses you a capped syringe of fentanyl and then he’s out.
Professor Kim Seokjin eyes you over the draped barrier from the lofty heights of the step he insists on using even though he’s the tallest person in the room. ‘Don’t worry about Dr Jeon, it’s his first time at everything, apparently.’
‘Apparently,’ you echo, firing up the internal defib paddles that Taehyung’s already wielding.
There’s a thin alarm that stops as the shock is delivered, restarting the heart.
Your monitoring resumes regular, steady beeping, Jung Hoseok cheers, and Dr Jeon hits the floor, twitching.
‘Fuck,’ says Professor Kim Seokjin, clinical lead for the cardiac services directorate. ‘Was he clear?’
‘Apparently not,’ sighs Hoyeon. ‘You told him to hold the retractors, didn’t you?’
You wonder if, as the last remaining anaesthetist in operating theatre 1b, you should be checking on him.
You step back round the barrier and lean over his supine form.
Dr Jeon does have pretty eyes, you note, as he blinks.
‘You’ve been defibrillated, stay still,’ you explain, reaching to check the pulse in his throat.
‘Whatever you say, noona,’ he says, his voice clear and high.
Above you, you can hear Taehyung chuckling to himself.
Yoongi reaches down and plucks the fentanyl out of your hand.
‘The patient’s BP’s up, why the hell haven’t you given this yet,’ he complains.
You stare at him, including at the smear of powdered sugar on his cheek from the doughnut he scoffed that he hasn’t bothered to wipe off. ‘Sorry, boss.’
Yoongi rolls his eyes. ‘The intern is fine. One shock never hurt anyone.’
‘Don’t worry, noona,’ echoes Dr Jeon, a little dreamily still. ‘I’m fine.’
You get up. ‘I’m not your noona, Dr Jeon, we’ve just met,’ you say sternly. ‘Now get up.’
***
You take a furtive look around and when the coast is clear slap the side of the vending machine with the flat of your hand.
The bag of candy you paid for dangles tantalisingly from the shelf instead of falling into the metal collection bin for you to fish out.
‘Shit fuck damnit,’ you swear, preparing to slap again.
Your wrist is caught in mid-air, and a male voice says, smoothly, ‘Allow me.’
You watch, mildly awestruck, as Kim Taehyung grips both sides of the vending machine and shakes it, jostling your candy free.
Shit. When did he get so strong?
He retrieves the bag of candy but instead of holding it out to you, he pockets it instead.
‘Tell me more about how Park Jimin’s ass is better than mine,’ he says, looking down at you.
The arrogant, gorgeous asshole.
You shove your whole hand into his pocket before he can stop you and curl your fingers around the plastic package.
‘Let me have it,’ you warn.
He smirks. ‘Whatever you want, baby.’
He leans back against the vending machine, all hooded eyes and thick muscles, and your hand stills in his pocket.
‘Tell you what,’ he says, voice all smoke and sex, tendrils of seduction curling around your ears. ‘Let’s go to the on-call room and I’ll unwrap it for you too.’
***
It’s been a while since you and Taehyung last fucked, but there’s never been anything tentative about him, not when he has you in his sights.
He curls a hand around the back of your head, widens his stance so you can reach to kiss him better, and relearns the shape of your mouth so quickly it’s like there was never a gap.
You gasp as he backs you up against the door, lifts his hips up against yours like he means to fuck you into it.
‘Taehyung ah,’ you mumble.
‘Hmm?’ he murmurs, warm breath on your cheek near your ear, his dark wavy hair tickling your ear as he kisses down your neck.
‘I was checking out your ass,’ you confess, yelping a little as he nips where your neck curves into your shoulders.
‘I know, baby,’ he croons, approving and patronising in a way that would infuriate you if he weren’t so goddamned hot.
He tugs at the hem of your scrubs top, divesting you of it so smoothly you’re awed despite yourself.
‘So pretty,’ he tells you, eyes dark, voice dropped low.
‘S-s-s-sorry –’
Both of you jump at the unexpected voice.
A face pops up from the bed, and you scream and jump into Taehyung’s (big) arms.
You’ve never seen his entire face, but you definitely recognise those huge eyes.
Taehyung’s still got his arms around you. ‘Fucking hell, Jungkook. Get the fuck out. We’re not at the Vegas artificial heart conference now.’
‘What happened at the Vegas artificial heart conference?’ you mutter, pulling your scrubs top back on.
‘Don’t get dressed, baby, we can still?’ Taehyung lets his voice trail off suggestively.
‘Nope,’ you say, shaking your head. ‘Next time, defibrillate him harder.’
‘Don’t worry, I will,’ Taehyung promises, throwing Jungkook a dark look. ‘Dinner tonight?’
You sigh. ‘Don’t forget to bring my candy.’
***
You’re sitting behind him so you can’t see his face, but you suspect that Kim Namjoon, your colleague and fellow anaesthetist, is asleep.
There’s something about the slant of his shoulders that gives him away. That and the soft snores and myclonic jerks.
You kick his chair to wake him up before Yoongi notices.
‘Fuck,’ utters Namjoon as he jerks awake and knocks his coffee cup off the table.
You raise your eyebrow at the clear liquid now puddling on the floor.
Min Yoongi turns away from the screen where you’re dialled into a multidisciplinary meeting with a hospital in Busan and you both freeze guiltily.
‘It was kind of you to wake Dr Kim up but you do realise I could see both of you in the camera view,’ he points out. ‘In fact, that was my only entertainment whilst we were waiting for this idiot to get the point.’
‘We’re not on mute!’ you say, quickly, trying to salvage the situation.
‘Don’t worry,’ comes the dry voice of Dr Choi from the Busan team. ‘I know how Dr Min feels about me.’
‘Why don’t you do something about it then,’ mutters Yoongi. ‘Like die.’
‘How bout I fuck your minion?’ asks Dr Choi.
You and Namjoon look at each other uneasily.
‘Relax,’ snaps Yoongi. ‘He can’t fuck a damn thing with his pencil dick. Even if he could, you wouldn’t feel it anyway.’
‘Will you motherfuckers shut the fuck up and just accept this patient for surgery?’
‘Certainly,’ comes the smooth velvety tones of Professor Kim Seokjin, lead author of the 2019 seminal paper on kidney injury following cardiopulmonary bypass. (Cited 29 times)
The squares on the screen reshuffle, and you’re treated to a close-up of Professor Kim Seokjin’s very handsome face, backlit to perfection with two surgical lights from theatre 1b.
He looks straight into the camera with his trademark head tilted half smile. ‘Your place or ours?’
***
‘Your place or ours, like a fucking nightcap,’ complains Namjoon bitterly as he follows you onto the train to Busan.
You don’t know why he’s complaining, he’s not the one carrying Yoongi’s beloved Hario V60 Switch immersion dripper and mini mill. Yoongi had insisted that you bring his coffee paraphernalia to Busan in your backpack because - ‘the coffee at St Mary’s is shit’ and ‘I don’t trust him to carry it’.
You grimace as the him in question, Namjoon, throws himself haphazardly into a seat and there’s the audible snap of breaking plastic from his backpack.
‘Was that something important?’ you ask, out of obligation.
‘Just my work tablet,’ Namjoon says, shrugging. ‘I have two, anyway.’
‘Now you have one,’ you mutter, looking for a place to stow Yoongi’s stuff.
‘Let me,’ offers a husky voice you know well.
You turn your head to confirm that it’s Park Jimin’s hands lifting Yoongi’s stuff and placing it carefully in the overhead compartment.
‘Thanks, Jimin,’ you say.
Jimin smiles and waves you into your seat, then sits next to you.
‘Heard you were singing praises about my ass,’ he says, a flirtatious twinkle in his eye, a lilt to his voice that lends a soupcon of filth to his words.
‘She took it back,’ corrects Kim Taehyung as he slides into the seat next to Namjoon.
Jimin doesn’t even raise an eyebrow.
‘Want to go to the beach after the surgery?’ he asks you.
‘Dunno, did you bring swim trunks?’ you ask, feigning innocence.
He laughs, delighted. ‘Nope.’
‘Then yes.’
Taehyung says, ‘I’ll share my suncreen’ at the same time as Namjoon says, thoughtfully, ‘You can probably buy swimming trunks —’
Your phone rings. It’s Yoongi.
‘Where are you and Namjoon,’ he asks, forgoing a greeting entirely.
‘On the train. We’ll be there in two hours,’ you tell him.
‘Two hours? Are you walking from Seoul? Backwards?’ Yoongi asks, exasperated. ‘I’m already here and I need a coffee.’
‘You’re already there? How?’
‘Never mind. Are you with the cardiothoracics fellows? Kim Seokjin and I are waiting to start.’
‘They’re on the same train,’ you say.
‘Jesus fuck,’ Yoongi snaps. ‘What part of urgent surgery didn’t you guys get? Even the intern made it before you, and he doesn’t even know what operation we’re doing.’
‘We can get a taxi straight from the station,’ you offer tentatively.
‘You weren’t going to do that anyway?’
‘Just tell me what you want,’ you beg.
Yoongi sighs, his eyeroll so obvious you can hear it through the phone. ‘We’re in theatre 4. Come as soon as you arrive.’
‘Well fuck,’ you say, as he hangs up on you unceremoniously.
***
Taehyung nudges you.
‘Want me to carry you?’ he asks, sympathetically.
In your mad dash to the hospital once your train got into Busan earlier, you’d stacked it coming down the
station steps and twisted your ankle. Thankfully Yoongi’s coffee kit was intact, you’d have never heard the end of it otherwise.
You’d managed to make it just in time to recover the patient post-op and even to make Yoongi a coffee so he couldn’t be too mad at your and Namjoon’s tardiness.
Jimin and Taehyung had managed to smooth down the ruffled feathers of Professor Kim Seokjin, pioneer of the Toro sutureless repair technique used by cardiothoracic surgeons around the world. (First presented at the World Cardiothoracic Congress 2015 in Philadelphia)
The day hadn’t been a total wash, and now you’re heading to the beach for a beer before taking the train back home.
You look up at Taehyung to see him smiling at you affectionately.
‘I can walk,’ you tell him.
‘I didn’t build these muscles for nothing,’ he coaxes. ‘At least lean on my arm.’
You can’t help your smile as you slip your hand into the crook of his arm.
‘I’m tired,’ you tell him.
He tugs you closer gently. ‘I know, baby.’
You don’t think you’ve ever been out with him before like this. You’ve gone out in a group plenty of times, but you’ve never really touched him in public.
Which is not to say you haven’t touched every inch of his skin in private.
You are friends who fuck after all.
By the time you catch up with Jimin and Namjoon, they’ve cracked open the beer and made a space on the beach far enough back that the tide doesn’t reach.
‘Cheers,’ Jimin says, passing you a drink, barely reacting to the fact that Taehyung’s got his arm around you.
‘Cheers,’ you say. ‘Where’s —-‘
You stop dead mid sentence as the intern, Dr Jeon Jungkook, emerges from the water and approaches you, shirtless, and wet.
You blink, twice, then turn and bury your face in Taehyung’s chest.
‘Why is the intern so naked?’ you mumble.
You can feel the rumble of Taehyung’s laughter in his chest before you hear it.
‘Do you want me to ask him for you?’ he asks.
‘No. I don’t want to talk to him.’
He laughs again. ‘Shut up and drink, you’re going to make me jealous.’
Now you’re laughing. ‘I’ve never seen you jealous, Tae.’
It’s true.
In the two years that you’ve been fucking Taehyung on and off, you’ve never seen him be possessive about anything.
Now that you think of it, he’s the most self-assured person you know.
You’re still laughing to yourself as you turn back to the group, only to realise that the intern is sitting right next to you.
‘Am I embarrassing you, noona?’ he asks.
There’s more than a hint of cockiness in his tone.
The little shit knows his body is fucking hot.
You haven’t survived the last three years under the tutelage of Dr Min Yoongi for nothing.
‘I’m not embarrassed,’ you say, looking him dead in the eyes. ‘I guess since you’ve seen me without a shirt on it’s only fair that I get to see you shirtless too.’
Jimin’s eyebrows rise.
Namjoon rolls his eyes.
Jeon Jungkook blushes so hard his ears turn red.
Beside you, Taehyung snorts and cracks open another beer.
***
You’re trying to finish up your chart from the patient you just recovered but the recovery nurses are discussing hot theatre staff again.
‘Scary, but hot.’
You stifle a smile as Yoongi walks out of theatres and heads straight for you.
‘The bed on ICU is ready,’ he says, not bothering to give you any context.
‘Of course,’ you say, bowing.
He gives you a suspicious look. ‘We’ll start at 7 tomorrow.’
‘Yes, sir,’ you say, saluting.
‘I have more beans,’ he says, a final parting shot before he walks off.
You make a mental note to collect the fresh coffee beans from Yoongi’s locker at 6am tomorrow because a 7am start for him means a 6.30am start for you.
Beside you, the recovery nurses sigh collectively, and you know without looking up that it’s Professor Kim Seokjin, winner of the De Leval prize for outstanding contributions to cardiothoracic surgery on three separate occasions - 2017, 2018 and 2020.
‘Waaah I don’t have to worry now that I know my patients are in your hands,’ Professor Kim Seokjin says to the nurses, jovial and charming as always.
To you, he smiles and nods politely. ‘Wake and extubate my patient please, they can be discharged tomorrow.’
Now Yoongi’s words make sense.
‘Ah, I’ll try my best, but Dr Min wants the patient on ICU overnight,’ you say.
Professor Kim Seokjin may have a wing of the medical school named after him but it’s Min Yoongi who’ll have your head on a platter if you don’t follow his instructions.
You wince slightly as you catch sight of the patient’s vitals. Yeah. Yoongi called it. He’s not the most highly paid anaesthetist this side of the Hangang for nothing.
You’re prepping to transfer to the ICU when you hear Nurse Choi giggle.
‘He’s so handsome!’
Next to her, Nurse Kim says, in a voice that’s higher than usual, ‘He’s so nice, too. Ara said he was a total gentleman on their date.’
You look up, expecting to see Park Jimin or even the intern, but instead you see Kim Taehyung.
The punch you feel in your chest surprises you.
Why would you care if Kim Taehyung’s taking other women on dates?
It’s not like he’s dating you.
You’re concentrating so hard on trying not to be upset that you don’t notice that Taehyung’s standing beside you until he picks up an infusion pump.
‘Seems like a lot of adrenaline,’ he comments.
‘I think Professor Kim was, uh, optimistic about his heart function,’ you reply.
You take the pump from him and snap it onto the trolley pole. ‘We’re going up to the ICU.’
Before you can stop him, Taehyung’s taken up position at the head of the bed. ‘I’ll help you wheel him up.’
‘There are porters for that sort of thing,’ you protest.
He just looks at you patiently.
In the end you acquiesce and let him help. He waits by the nursing station whilst you hand over.
‘Dinner at the Kitchen?’ Taehyung suggests when you’re done.
‘Sure,’ you agree, falling into step beside him.
Then you remember. ‘But you can’t come over after, I’m on my period.’
‘Why can’t I come over when you’re on your period?’ asks Taehyung, swiping his ID to let you both into the changing rooms.
‘You can come over but no sex,’ you tell him, as the intern emerges from behind the scrubs dispenser.
He flushes immediately and drops his gaze.
‘Noona,’ he says, bowing in greeting.
‘You seem more shy with your clothes on, Jeon Jungkook,’ you observe.
‘Not always, noona,’ Jeon Jungkook murmurs. He flicks his eyes to yours briefly.
You laughs, surprised, and his whole face flushes prettily.
As soon as he leaves, Taehyung frowns.
‘I’d probably be worried if I thought there was a chance he wouldn’t pass out if you flirted back,’ he says casually.
‘I don’t date jailbait,’ you say. ‘What are you doing?’
Taehyung’s hoisted your backpack onto his shoulder.
He raises a brow, matter of fact. ‘You’re on your period, let me carry your stuff.’
‘Please, you’ll make me fall in love with you,’ you tease.
He laughs. ‘That’s the plan. Come on, I’m buying dinner.’
***
‘That dinner was worth a blow job,’ you announce, licking the last of the sauce on the wings off your fingers.
Taehyung pushes your water glass closer to you.
‘I didn’t buy you dinner so we could fuck,’ he says.
There’s an edge to his voice that makes you look at him carefully.
‘I’m sorry. I’m just — it’s just that, that’s what we do, isn’t it?’
Taehyung looks irritated. ‘It doesn’t have to be just fucking all the time does it?’
His tone is shorter than he’s ever been with you.
You sense you’re in dangerous waters here, but you have no idea what the right thing to do or say is.
‘You’re right,’ you end up saying, but it took you so long to say it that it comes out flat, like you don’t really mean it.
Taehyung gets up. ‘Anyway.’
He still sounds annoyed.
You follow him out of the Kitchen in silence.
‘I’ll walk you home, it’s late. Don’t worry, I won’t invite myself in.’
He sets off without really waiting for you to answer.
It’s a short walk to your apartment, not really long enough for you to gather your thoughts, but you know you can’t let him leave like this.
‘Tae?’ you ask, tentative, touching his arm.
It’s too dark to really see his face, but you can feel the tension in his muscles draining away under your fingers.
‘I’m sorry I snapped at you,’ he says.
‘It’s ok,’ you tell him. ‘I don’t think of you as just a fuck buddy, you know?’
‘I know we said no strings, at the beginning,’ he says. ‘But we’ve been doing this for so long —‘
He’s right.
It’s been nearly two years since you first slept together.
You’re thinking back to the first time and the rush you’d felt when he’d leaned over casually on a group night out and tucked a lock of hair behind your ear.
He still makes you feel that way, if you’re being honest.
You guess since you’ve never really dated that you’ve never seen anything that would take the shine off how you feel.
You’ve never seen him in holey sweatpants or with a shiny face or greasy hair or stuffing his face with yesterday’s takeout.
Well actually maybe you have seen that.
You’ve reached your door.
You figure it’s now or never.
‘Come in, if you want,’ you say.
He looks at you. ‘I don’t want to force anything because I was being an ass.’
‘Well, we’ve been fucking for two years,’ you remind him.
You smile. ‘You can be an ass. You don’t have to be on your best behaviour all the time.’
Taehyung’s smile makes your heart skip a beat.
You take your time unlocking your door, regaining your composure.
‘I’m taking a shower, there’s ice cream in the freezer,’ you tell Taehyung.
He’s hanging his coat up in your entryway. You don’t think you’ve ever told him how much his fastidiousness about his clothes tickles you.
By the time you’re out of the shower, he’s on your couch, feet up, a steaming cup of tea and a tub of ice cream on the coffee table.
‘Here,’ he says. ‘I made you tea.’
You smile at him gratefully.
‘How are you feeling?’ he asks.
‘I’m fine,’ you tell him. You slide onto the couch next to him. ‘Want to watch a movie?’
‘If I get to pick,’ he says.
‘Choose whatever you want.’
You sink back into the cushions as he picks the show, some feel good baseball movie. He grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and drapes it over the both of you, and when he slides his hand under the fleecy fabric to hold yours, you don’t pull away.
It feels good to hold him.
***
You’re checking your anaesthetic machine, drawing up drugs for your first case when the intern Jeon Jungkook bursts into your anaesthetic room like he’s just escaped the jaws of certain death.
‘Noona,’ he begs.
‘I’m not your —‘
You cut yourself off and sigh. ‘What do you want, Jeon Jungkook?’
‘I fucked up,’ he says, panicked.
‘Is that the medical term for it?’ you ask, cracking open a vial of antibiotics so he’ll get to the point.
‘I forgot to order the blood for the first patient.’
You roll your eyes. ‘So call blood bank, there’s time.’
‘I called them!’ he cries. ‘The patient has antibodies! They can’t have blood ready for another four hours!’
‘Oh shit,’ you say.
Professor Kim Seokjin, chair of the hospital patient safety committee (awarded the national Clinical Excellence Award in 2022), is notorious for sticking to protocol. You know that he would never start a case if there wasn’t blood available.
You know just as well as Jeon Jungkook does, that he’s doomed. A cancelled case would tarnish Professor Kim Seokjin’s sterling reputation.
The little shit with the hot body is fucked.
You both look up as the theatre doors open and Professor Kim Seokjin and Min Yoongi stroll in for the pre-op briefing.
Beside you, Jeon Jungkook whimpers.
‘Pull yourself together,’ you hiss.
Before he passes out with all his hyperventilating, you step forward.
‘Dr Jeon and I were just discussing the order of today’s cases,’ you say, smoothly. ‘We think the first patient should go last, at the end of the day. They live quite far away and we should discharge them tomorrow anyway.’
Professor Kim Seokjin smiles. ‘Always thinking about the patients,’ he says, approving.
Min Yoongi eyes you and Jungkook suspiciously then visibly decides he doesn’t give enough of a fuck to question it.
As soon as they’ve left you grab Jungkook by the neck of his scrubs top.
‘Go and beg blood bank to guarantee you the blood will be available by the end of the day,’ you say. ‘I don’t care if you have to sleep with someone, just take care of it. Also, use protection.’
Jungkook’s throat works visibly with emotion.
‘Noona, thank you for saving my ass,’ he says, bowing so low he nearly tips your drugs tray off the counter.
You sigh. ‘Just get it done, ok?’
‘I will,’ he promises.
***
The annual staff party takes place in December, you go every year when you’re not working.
It’s not what you would call a classy affair, but there’s an unlimited free bar and a buffet table.
You’re trying not to get pulled onto the dancefloor by the overexcited Jung Hoseok when you see him.
Tall, dressed in a crisp shirt that makes his skin tone pop, wavy hair styled half over his forehead, he looks so good your mouth goes dry.
He’s already looking at you.
You send him a pleading look as last summer’s dance anthem comes on and you finally acquiesce.
Hoseok’s a great dancer, you’ll give him that, with an energy that’s infectious. You’re starting to enjoy it when Taehyung slides in smoothly behind you.
His body presses against yours, you get the sense he’s leaning closer, then his voice sounds in your ear.
Intimate like a caress.
‘You look really pretty,’ he says.
You turn your head and he’s right there, lips curled in a smirk, head tilted to yours like it’s just the two of you.
You turn into his arms and his hand lands on the small of your back, an inch too low for polite company.
He dips his head low to whisper in your ear again, and you let him lead you off the dancefloor, into a darkened part of the room.
‘My place?’ he murmurs, eyes intent on yours, his tall frame leaning over you.
You curl a hand over his forearm, and he wraps a possessive arm around your waist to take you home.
***
Shit, Taehyung is hotter than you remember.
He’s splayed over his couch, tugging you down so you’re draped over his thick thighs, your skirt rucked up, his thick length throbbing against your core.
He lays a kiss right next to the corner of your mouth, teasing when you turn your head to try to kiss him.
He’s got a hand on your waist, another one curved over your breast, and he grunts when you rock your hips against his.
‘Fuck, when’s the last time we did this,’ he murmurs into your ear, voice thick, syllables running together in a honeyed drawl that makes you close your eyes.
‘Dunno, don’t make me wait,’ you complain, tugging at his shirt.
He doesn’t answer, kissing you again with an eagerness that let you know he wants this as much as you do.
He tastes like the chocolate mint he was sucking all the way to his apartment and he licks into your mouth in a way that makes your crave the feel of his cock plunging into you.
‘Tae,’ you moan.
His hand runs down your spine, tugs the zipper of your dress down, making your dress fall in a pool at your hips. He gazes at your breasts in the bra you picked out because you know he likes white lingerie.
He chews on his lower lip as he traces a finger over the upper curve of your breasts, then he lowers his mouth to you.
He unclasps your bra, helps you pull it off.
The way he admires your half naked body makes you feel like you’re burning up from the inside.
He pulls your hips closer, grinds a little against you, showing you he’s still hard as a rock, but he’s always been a patient man.
He kisses the soft curves of your tits until you’re whining his name the way he likes. By the time he sucks a nipple into the wet warmth of his mouth you’re barely aware of anything but him.
He lays you down, gets on top of you, mouth still on your tits, hard cock jutting into the space between your legs, teasing.
You curl an arm around his neck, hanging on as he aligns the blunt head of his cock to your entrance and pushes in.
‘Fuck,’ you gasp. He fills you so well your eyes close with the pleasure of it.
He circles his hips on the next thrust, and you whine his name.
‘Gonna come on my cock?’ he asks, voice low, words coming out staccato as he keeps fucking you.
‘Yeah, fuck, don’t stop,’ you moan.
‘I won’t,’ he promises, curling a hand under your knee to keep you from scooting up the bed with every thrust.
Fuck, he’s strong.
He rolls his hips tight against yours, and you can feel your orgasm tingling through your toes, your pleasure centres lighting up each time he groans and moves deep inside you.
‘Tae,’ you pant.
‘Yeah,’ he grunts. ‘Hold on.’
He takes a moment to push your hair away from your face and give you a cocky smirk as though you couldn’t feel exactly how hard he is.
‘Gonna cum?’
‘Uh huh, don’t stop,’ you plead..
‘I won’t,’ he promises again. ‘Wanna feel you —‘
You cry his name as he grips your ass and you come.
‘Good girl,’ he praises, voice low, the tendons in his neck straining as he fucks you through it.
‘Shit, I can feel you,’ he groans. ‘Fu—-uck.’
He’s coming himself, you realise, his movements slowing, his grip tightening on your ass almost to the point of pain.
He dips his head for another kiss, open mouthed and sloppy, tongues mingling as the tension drains from his body and he collapses on the bed next to you.
‘Are you squished?’ he asks, slurred, trying to disentangle your thighs from his.
You shake your head.
‘Don’t go far —‘
He laughs, affectionate. ‘Forgot how clingy you get. Gimme a sec, just get this —-‘
He breaks off. ‘Shit.’
‘What?’ you ask, trying to see.
‘Condom split,’ he tells you.
‘Oh.’
You sit up, and there’s a tell-tale gush between your legs.
‘Yeah.’
You roll out of his bed, your legs like jelly still, and head for his bathroom.
A moment later he sticks his head round the door.
‘You ok?’
Your eyes meet.
‘Yeah.’
‘There’s a 24 hour pharmacy down the block,’ he says. He hesitates. ‘I haven’t slept with anyone since we last fucked.’
Despite the situation, you’re surprised. ‘Really?’
‘Have you?’
You use the bathroom and wash your hands.
‘No.’
‘Shit, are we monogamous?’ Taehyung asks, sounding so incredulous about it you snicker.
‘Shit, it’s like we’re a couple or something,’ you joke.
He hands you one of his sweatshirts to get dressed.
‘Guess so,’ he agrees. ‘Do you even want to go to the pharmacy? We can have a baby. I like babies.’
You smile at him fondly. ‘You’re good with babies,’ you say. ‘But we can’t have a baby now.’
‘Honestly?’ he says, pulling his own clothes on. ‘Even talking about it is making me horny.’
You laugh as he passes you your panties. ‘Come on, let’s go, I’m hungry.’
Taehyung helps you on with your coat.
‘Is my hair a mess?’ you ask.
‘Looks like you’ve been fucked,’ he advises. ‘Keep it that way so no one hits on you.’
‘You’re ridiculous,’ you scoff. ‘Who’s going to hit on me at the pharmacy?’
‘Who wouldn’t hit on you?’ he counters, sounding perfectly serious. ‘You’re hot.’
He locks his door and you head down to the main entrance of his building.
He slips his hand over yours so naturally you don’t realise what he’s doing until he’s holding your hand, and then you don’t want to let go.
***
It’s the week before Christmas and you’re in the staffroom having lunch with Namjoon as Hoyeon and Mina pass out the secret santa gifts.
‘Here’s yours,’ Hoyeon announces brightly, passing you a silver paper bag
You accept with a nod and thanks, pulling out the card.
‘Thank you for being you, love Santa,’ you read out loud.
Namjoon rolls his eyes. ‘Christmas is a soulless commercial holiday.’
‘Ok, atheist,’ you say, rolling your eyes back at him.
‘I’m agnostic,’ he mutters.
You unwrap your gift and stop, frowning, at the duck’s egg blue box.
‘Wasn’t there a cost limit?’
You lift the lid to reveal a pair of sparkly earrings.
‘That’s at least a carat each,’ Hoyeon observes.
‘This can’t be right,’ you say.
‘Do you like them, noona?’ asks the intern Jeon Jungkook, popping up from out of nowhere.
You and Namjoon stare at him open-mouthed.
‘Are you my secret santa?’ you ask.
He nods eagerly. ‘I was so happy to get you.’
‘There was a gift cost limit,’ you protest.
‘I don’t know how much they cost, I just put it on my black card,’ he admits.
You’re still staring at him.
‘Jesus fuck,’ observes Yoongi from somewhere behind you. ‘What in the name of blood diamonds—‘
‘They’re ethically sourced!’ says Jeon Jungkook, indignant.
‘No diamonds are ethically sourced,’ Yoongi says, pityingly. ‘Anyway there was a gift cost limit. She can’t accept.’
Jungkook pouts.
‘They’re beautiful, but Yoongi’s right, Jungkook,’ you say gently. ‘Besides, you can’t afford —‘
‘My family own the hospital,’ Jungkook tells you, earnestly. ‘And a few others too, and Sharpcor.’
Now Yoongi’s staring at him too. ‘Your family own the biggest pharmaceutical conglomerate in South Korea?’
Hoyeon whistles.
Namjoon splutters. ‘You left a pair of diamond earrings in a random gift pile in the staffroom?’
‘Not the point,’ you and Yoongi say in unison.
‘Who knew the intern was chaebol,’ remarks Hoyeon. She pats him reassuringly on the shoulder. ‘So handsome, too.’
Hoyeon smiles at you. ‘Almost as handsome as Kim Taehyung.’
Namjoon chokes on his lunch.
‘You and Taehyung?’ he asks, incredulous.
‘Where have you fucking been?’ Yoongi asks, scornful.
He turns to you. ‘This is why I don’t trust him to carry my coffee stuff.’
‘Anyway, I wanted to thank you for helping me out the other day,’ Jungkook says. ‘And if Taehyung ever treats you badly you should tell me.’
He narrows his eyes.
‘I’ll take care of him for you, noona,’ he vows.
‘Uh, thanks?’
‘Where’s my secret santa gift?’ Namjoon asks, looking through the pile.
‘Working with me is its own reward,’ comes the silken tones of Professor Kim Seokjin, awardee of the ‘Trainer of the Year’ award for five years running as voted for by SNU medical trainees.
Kim Seokjin smiles kindly at you. ‘Nice earrings.’
***
You’re sitting at the ICU hub validating your observations from the last case when a shadow falls over you. You look up automatically to see Kim Taehyung.
‘Hey,’ he says, that smirk on his face that you’ll never admit to him is fucking hot.
‘Hey,’ you say, casual.
He leans over the screen of your computer. ‘So I figured —‘
He’s cut off by Ara, one of the ICU nurses.
‘Thank you for my secret santa present,’ she says, smiling at him warmly.
‘How did you know it was him?’ you ask, signing the last of your prescriptions.
‘We talked about how much I love cats,’ she replies, looking up shyly.
Taehyung smiles. ‘It was me. I’m glad you liked your present.’
‘I wondered, if you’re not too busy later, if you wanted to go to the cat cafe we were talking about?’ Ara asks.
Taehyung glances at you. ‘Actually, Ara —‘
He pauses like he’s waiting for you to jump in.
You’re logged off, all done, but waiting to see where this goes.
‘I’m kind of seeing someone,’ he finishes.
You get up, and Taehyung follows you out of the ICU.
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ he complains, as soon as you’re out of Ara’s earshot.
‘Like what?’ you ask.
‘Like how we fucked three times last night?’
You both fall silent as Nurse Choi passes by pretending not to have heard.
‘Why would that stop you from going to the cat cafe with Ara?’ you ask.
You’ve spoken thoughtlessly, and as soon as the words leave your lips you realise how collossally stupid they are.
Of course you care if Taehyung goes on a date with Ara.
It’s too late to take them back.
Taehyung stares at you, brows drawn together.
‘Unbelievable,’ he says.
You’re hurt, but you don’t know what to say to salvage the awful wrong turn this conversation’s taken.
For once, your quick mind fails you, and whilst you’re clicking through how to fix this, Taehyung’s turned away.
‘You know what, I don’t want to do this,’ he tells you.
He lifts his gaze to yours. ‘I thought we were finally getting somewhere, you know? What was the point of us these two years?’
He doesn’t wait for an answer, which is fine, because you can’t give one.
As he walks away you already know you’re making the biggest mistake you’ve made lately in letting him go.
***
Yoongi sighs, exaggerated.
‘Did you start your Christmas drinking early or what?’
‘Huh?’ you ask, blankly.
‘You’re one short step from getting thrown out of my anaesthetic room,’ Yoongi says, a sharpness to his tone he doesn’t normally use with you.
You struggle to focus on the monitoring in front of you.
‘Sorry, I haven’t been sleeping well,’ you apologise.
‘Next time you have a bad day, do us both a favour and call in sick,’ Yoongi says. ‘This patient is relying on us to keep him alive and under anaesthesia for his operation, and at this rate, you’re not going to achieve that.’
You take a step back at his harsh words.
‘I’m sorry, I’ll call in Namjoon,’ you say hurriedly.
‘Leave the —’
Yoongi breaks off as you pick up the glass bottle of acetaminophen. ‘I told you it was broken,’ he says.
You stare blindly at the cut on your hand from the glass shard of the broken bottle.
‘Fuck. I’m so sorry. I’ll get Namjoon,’ you say.
‘No. Sit the fuck down,’ Yoongi says sternly, tossing you a pack of swabs to mop up the bleeding. ‘Watch the monitoring until I get back, and if the patient’s tube falls out you’re damn well going to snap gloves on and reintubate him, cut hand or not.’
You daren’t disagree.
You tie a swab around your bleeding hand and force yourself back into the routine you’ve developed over the years you’ve been training with Yoongi.
Patient.
Monitoring.
Lines.
You run through all three checks in a loop until you hear the door to the anaesthetic room swing open behind you.
‘The patient’s stable,’ you call, not turning around.
‘I know they are,’ comes Yoongi’s voice. ‘Go get your hand stitched up.’
You turn and instead of Namjoon you see Taehyung.
You look at Yoongi, betrayed.
He’s staring back at you, face impassive.
‘Do you think I actually need help? I’ve been giving anaesthesia since before you could even draw a propofol molecule,’ he says, dryly. ‘Go get your hand stitched up.’
Taehyung’s looking at you, but he hasn’t moved from his spot near the door.
‘It might not need stitches,’ you protest.
‘Why don’t you let the surgeon decide,’ Yoongi suggests. ‘Get the fuck out of my anaesthetic room. I expect you back here next week at your usual level of competence.’
He turns his back on you so you have no choice but to follow Taehyung into the next room.
Taehyung runs the tap so you can hold your hand under the stream of water.
‘Just keep it under there,’ he says. ‘I’ll get some local and sutures ready.’
You watch the blood from your cut run into the sink and try to gather your composure as he gathers things behind you.
You haven’t spoken to Taehyung since your awful encounter a week ago. You’d called him, but he hadn’t answered, so you’d left it at that.
You’re wondering if you should turn around when he approaches you with a swab.
‘Here, hold your arm up,’ he says quietly.
You bend your elbow to keep your hand above your heart as you take a seat on the trolley.
Taehyung gestures for you to lower your hand onto the tray he’s set up.
He pulls up a stool across from you, and you look away.
‘There’s a shard of glass still in here,’ he tells you. ‘I’ll give you some local and take it out. You’ll probably need a couple stitches.’
‘Ok,’ you say.
You flinch at the sting of the needle, but he’s so gentle you don’t feel much more than that.
This close, the familiarity of his cologne and the warmth of his touch make you miss him so much it makes you want to cry.
You still can’t look at him.
He’s quiet as he works on your hand.
Finally, he says, ‘All done.’
You risk a look at your hand to see a line of beautiful neat stitches, just before he covers it with a dressing.
‘Thanks,’ you say. You look up to meet his gaze.
He leans forward and kisses you on your forehead, so quickly you don’t have time to react.
‘Take the stitches out in a week,’ he says.
He hesitates. ‘I can take them out for you, but if it’s easier, any of the nurses can help you.’
‘Tae,’ you say.
He’s already getting up, tidying up the tray. ‘Just a sec.’
You wait for him after he’s left the room, but soon enough it’s clear that he’s not coming back.
***
‘You didn’t even dress this smartly when you interviewed for your fellowship,’ Yoongi observes from somewhere behind you.
You jump.
‘Jesus, don’t sneak up on me like that!’
Yoongi looks unperturbed, sucking on a vape that violates all of the hospital’s policies.
You remind him of that and he just snorts. ‘Technically we’re on university grounds.’
‘The real question is why you’re hanging around hiding behind a fern at the surgical appraisals,’ Yoongi remarks.
‘I’m not hiding,’ you say, sulky.
Yoongi mutters something that sounds like ‘fucking Kim Taehyung.’
You don’t bother asking him to repeat himself, because you’ve spotted him.
Before you can make yourself overthink it, you step out, right into Kim Taehyung’s path.
He steps back, startled, his hand automatically reaching to steady you.
‘Are you ok? Did I bump into you?’
‘No,’ you say, ‘I just wanted to say good luck for your appraisal.’
His smile is immediate. ‘You remembered. Thank you.’
You’re so busy drinking in how good he looks in a suit that it takes you a moment to realise he’s just asked you a question.
‘My hand?’
He holds out his hand, palm out, and you put your hand in his automatically.
He looks like he’s holding back a smile. ‘I think it was the other one,’ he says, so seriously you can’t be embarrassed.
He traces a gentle finger over your healing scar.
‘It looks like it’s healing nicely,’ he observes. His fingers curl around yours in a gentle squeeze, then he lets go.
‘Thanks for stitching me up,’ you say.
You both look up as his name is called.
‘Good luck,’ you say, quickly.
He looks like he wants to say something else, but in the end he just nods.
***
It’s 10am on Christmas day, and you’ve never been a grinch but your Christmas spirit is already running low.
So far you’ve extubated two patients on the ICU, one of whom promptly pulled out his art line, dousing you and Nurse Choi in AB positive, and the only fresh scrubs left in the dispenser were three times too large for you.
You sigh as you roll up your scrubs bottoms so they aren’t dragging on the floor as you head to theatres to answer your latest call.
You’re greeted by a rush of activity.
‘There’s an offer,’ announces Hoyeon as you enter the anaesthetic meeting room.
‘Heart or lungs?’ you ask.
‘It’s a heart, from Jeju-do.’
‘Where’s the recipient?’ you ask.
‘Arriving in an hour,’ says Yoongi, briskly. ‘Go have lunch, it’s going to be a late night.’
It’s 10 am, but you know that with the logistics of all the pre-heart transplant tests, harvesting the donor heart and prepping the recipient, you’ll be busy for hours.
You head to the staffroom to bolt your lunch only to find Taehyung already there.
He glances at your sandwich and pushes one of his bowls towards you. ‘I brought extra,’ he says.
‘Thanks,’ you say.
You eat in silence seated opposite each other.
Eventually he says, ‘Didn’t they have any scrubs in your size?’
‘I like the baggy look,’ you reply, deadpan.
You realise he’s lifting his own scrubs top off.
‘Here, let’s swap. It’s closer to your size.’
You stand and he steps between you and the staffroom door to shield you from the view of anyone walking in.
‘Don’t worry, I won’t look,’ he says. There’s a teasing note in his voice.
You pull your top off and pass it to him, then slip his top on.
It smells like him.
‘Did you look?’ you ask, looking up at him.
He reaches to help you pull your hair out from the back of the top.
‘Of course I did,’ he says, and he sounds so offended that you would even check that you can’t help giggling.
‘I miss you,’ you say, the words coming so naturally you don’t realise what you’ve said until his eyebrows lift slightly.
He doesn’t give you any time to worry. ‘I’ve missed you too,’ he tells you.
You exchange a smile, the first in a long time.
There’s exaggerated throat clearing from behind Taehyung.
‘There’s a patient waiting to get a new heart, but you guys take your time,’ says Yoongi, wielding his sarcasm like a whole other language. ‘It’s fine.’
***
You’re titrating pressors on the patient from Jeju-do as Park Jimin dissects down the major vessels and veins.
In the adjoining theatre, you can see Yoongi, Taehyung and Professor Kim Seokjin (Executive Chair of the National Blood and Transplant Committee 2021-2024) waiting with the recipient.
Jimin looks up at you.
‘About to explant,’ he says.
‘I’ve got you,’ you reply.
You watch, awed as always, as the donor heart is placed in a saline bath and rolled towards the adjoining theatre.
Namjoon, beside you, takes over the haemodynamics and Jimin goes back to operating. You know that between them they’ll treat the donor with the honour their choice deserves.
For now, you head towards the next theatre to help Yoongi.
Jung Hoseok’s running a spotless circuit, the recipient’s already on bypass, and the heart looks good to go.
As Taehyung and Professor Kim Seokjin (founder of the non-profit Healing Hearts that provides surgical expertise to low-income countries) remove the original heart and begin the long process of suturing the new graft in, there’s a quiet that’s uncharacteristic of operating theatre 1b.
You can’t help but admire how beautiful Taehyung looks when he’s like this, his face composed under his loupes, his hands moving with a grace and sureness that’s lovely to watch.
Yoongi and you swap each other out as the operation goes on, until just before midnight when the last of the graft sutures goes in.
There aren’t any barriers between you and the surgeons, not tonight at least.
‘I think we’re good,’ Kim Seokjin says, with a quiet simplicity you rarely ever hear from him.
‘Good,’ Yoongi says, absent his usual snark.
Taehyung releases the aortic cross clamp, and as you watch, the newly transplanted heart fills with blood.
Then, it starts to beat.
Your eyes meet Taehyung’s, and you can see his smile even under the mask, your brain filling in the parts of his face you know so well.
You’re smiling back.
You think everything’s going to be all right.
***
It’s a couple hours later, when you’ve dropped off the patient on the ICU, and are heading to the locker room, that you hear your name called.
It’s Taehyung, a line on his forehead from where he was wearing a scrubs hat all day, eyes a little bloodshot from fatigue, and still the most beautiful thing you’ve seen this Christmas.
He stops in front of you, there’s a moment of silence and then both of you speak at once.
You both stop, and you reach for his hand.
‘Do you want to grab some food?’ you ask.
‘Like a date?’ Taehyung asks, but he’s lit up like a Christmas tree so you think he already knows.
‘Yeah, like a date,’ you say.
The way he’s looking at you makes you wonder why the hell you waited so long.
‘There’s nothing I’d like more,’ he says.
He knits his fingers through yours, gently, and you walk down through the hospital together.
end.
Happy holidays! Take it easy. Love, Rei xx
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Ex Altiora
Coloquially known as "shrieking stars" among locals, this phenomenon is entirely unique to the town of Gravity Falls, Oregon, for reasons currently outside of my understanding.
They would be rather easy to miss by one who is not actively looking for them- if not for the ear splitting, whistling shriek which accompanies their swift descent from the sky. During meteor showers, one might compare the sound to that of a firework show, or perhaps an orchestra of particularly cacaphonous slide whistle players.
I have attempted numerous times the recovery of the meteorite debris for further research, but the impact craters continue to elude me. It is highly likely that the "stars" simply burn up on their way through the atmosphere before they could ever reach the Earth, as is commonplace with regular shooting stars. Still, I would very much like to study their remains for potential extraterrestial materia for prosperity's sake.
[ID in alt text]
(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4 1/2) (Part 4 2/2)
No text version under the cut! Plus a little secret :)
No-text version:
Gur zbfg erprag bppheerapr bs guvf curabzraba vf jung vafcverq zr gb perngr na ragel sbe vg va gur svefg cynpr. Gur fbhaq vg znqr qvqa'g zngpu nal xabja erpbeqf bs cerivbhf curabzran, crefbany be choyvpyl ninvynoyr, abg gb zragvba gur rkgerzryl hahfhny yvtugfubj juvpu nppbzcnavrq vgf qrfprag- pbzcyrgr jvgu jung nccrnerq gb or yvtugavat fcebhgvat sebz gur snyyvat bowrpg, nppbeqvat gb zl avoyvatf rlrjvgarffrf. Gurfr bofreingvbaf nyy yrnq zr gb bar gebhoyvat pbapyhfvba: jr znl abg or qrnyvat jvgu n Fuevrxvat Fgne ng nyy.
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Convict Token - Thomas Brownhill, convict, transported 1831-1832
Convict Love Token (35.5mm, 23.25 g). Man standing right on shore, doffing hat, holding irons attached to his legs; to right, ship under sail right; below, T Brownhill/ aged 20 april 1, 1831/ for get me not / ~/ When this/ you see reme/mber me tho/ banished from/ my count/ry ~, all engraved on a smoothed Cartwheel-type penny. Michele Field & Timothy Millett, Convict Love Tokens (Kent Town, South Australia, 1998), p. 110 (for another token of Brownhill). Good VF. Recently discovered in a house clearance in the UK.
Thomas Brownhill was tried and convicted at the Warwick Assizes on 26 March 1831 for housebreaking, and sentenced to transportation. He sailed from Portsmouth on the Isabella on 27 November 1831, bound for Sydney. The voyage was marked by a mutiny of the ships crew, with fourteen being executed upon their arrival in Australia. But the convicts, Brownhill included, remained well-behaved, and are even reported to have helped the captain. Following their arrival in Australia, Brownhill was assigned to one W.T. Morris of Batemans Bay, where he died on 13 December 1840. Brownhill is surprisingly known from another token in the Peter Lane Collection, bearing the initials and ages of his family members. Other records describe him as as literate, a Birmingham-born Protestant, and a ‘fancy plater’ by trade, with a tattoo on his lower right arm of a man and a woman and his initials.
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“lance why the fuck are you buying tuna, nobody eats that”
“okay FIRST OF ALL-“
they were sent by allura to get some food for everyone and ended up arguing like a married couple in-front of the cashier and everyone else in line for 10 minutes straight (nobody complained, it was thoroughly entertaining and entertainment is something you need when ordering subway) needless to say they’re no longer allowed to buy food for anyone anymore AT LEAST without someone there to keep the peace and prevent them from embarrassing themselves like toddlers
keith teases lance about buying tuna when he ends up eating a meatball sub so who’s the loser now (jk i love him dearly), i refuse to believe he doesn’t have some wicked scar on his face like on his eye or smth because number 1, literally everyone in the universe wants to bloody kill him but also because its cool and he deserves to have some sort of scar okay- also keith with earrings just hits differently
why is lance wearing a purple earring? honestly i dont even know myself but it looks good- the bandage was intentional though, mf got it 10 minutes before they were sent to get food after trying to impress the cadets with his awful skateboarding skills (he made a fool out of himself but at least he made everyone laugh, win win ordeal iykwim)
the shading is god awful on this but i still love it because of the stupid subway background that i found on google not even 2 minutes of searching, ty toast for helping me w the background i wouldve stared at pinterest for 30 minutes questioning my existence without your guidance
#vforce11#voltronforce#voltron force 2011#voltron lance#voltron keith#vf lance#vf keith#lance mcclain#keith kogane#allura ended up going back to tip the cashier a 20 for listening to lance and keiths bs for 10 minutes straight#poor guy was just tryna get their order and instead had to listen to them bickering over sandwiches#lance is now banned from skateboarding#but also not because lance trying to brag about how he’s the best at skateboaring and then falling is funny asf#the cadets are both incredibly concerned but thoroughly entertained#digital art#art#lance marry me rn#honestly wanted to make lance have a nosering but i felt there would be too much going on#also i cant draw noserings to save my life#ok im done i promise#percyrants
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Hey BC,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Here are a few things I’ve been thinking about after reading your post.
First, regarding Sam’s location—he’s usually private about where he is, especially when he wants to keep things low-key. But if that’s the case, why would he follow that account and give a hint? What makes you think he’s still in Sayulita? He might have already left and gone somewhere else… you know where I mean.
Also, the fan who posted the picture is very careful when it comes to Sam. She would never post his location if he were still there. So while he might still be in Mexico, I highly doubt he’s in the exact place that was tagged.
Now, about the video with the voice—it’s not easy to confirm or deny if it’s Sam’s, especially with all the noise from the waterfall. But when Sam posted that video with Jush, the way he said “Yay” sounded really similar to the voice in the waterfall video. Just my take, though!
As for VF, I don’t think she’s there alone. I don’t follow her, so I’m not sure if she’s posted anything about who she’s with, but maybe those who can see her stories have more insight. It’s possible she and Sam were both in Sayulita and then moved to the spot she tagged.
On Sam’s appearance—he’s already worked long hours with her, so I don’t think he needs to make any extra effort to impress her. They’ve probably already seen each other at their best and worst by now!
About tracking Sam’s online activity—out of 24 hours, he could check his phone at any random time, even if just for a few minutes. Since there’s not much to catch up on about him right now, he could be online at any point—before bed, or just whenever. Do you remember when he took Alice to that tennis match? He was on his phone immediately when she wasn’t there even if for a few minutes.
Don’t take me wrong—I’m not saying for sure that he’s with her. But these are also possibilities.
Thanks!
Thanks for your thoughtful message!
Regarding the location: I don't really think he seriously cares that much about (mainly) us here looking at his following, which led to the location. The average fan wont care about it at all. I also think the fan that posted the pic is just the average fan who isn't really aware about the, dare I say somewhat idiocy of this fandom and how she was gonna be bothered by fans asking her questions. She just posted a, what to me looks like a dump of her days at the location, tagging the location. I really don't think she thought for a minute about how this would show where he is or that people care about that. Did you see how she removed the tag of him on the pic? She had him tagged first when I saw it, but later on removed it.
I don't know if he's still there, or left or is doing a roadtrip or whatever. Anything is possible. All I did was looking at the location, where surprisingly later on a fan pic appeared.
About the male voice on the video, well you see, like I said, could be or could be not. It's never 100% for anyone here. I'm not saying it's not him, I'm also not saying it is him. I accept that it could be or could be not and don't see it as factual evidence, if you get what I mean. I received more messages about this, where one is convinced it is him, the next one isn't 🤷♀️. So it doesn't bring us anywhere... that's all!
I think VF is perfectly able to travel alone, I had a few Anons going on about that. She's an adult and she traveled alone before to places. IIRC she was in Morocco when Sam was enjoying his Everest adventure. She only posted this one story (so far).
His appearance doesn't give me the vibe that he's on some sort of romantic getaway. I don't know about those 'long hours' Anon, they often have several crews working on several locations simultaneously. Last season she was on the AD team.
I just notice his activity times on IG as indication, it's not solid proof and I do not promote it like that. Hence my reservations in what I say or write in here. Most of the time I discuss with some about options, or when we have this suspicion it could be this or that.... but I rarely post that upfront as I do not want to jump to conclusions. It's only when there is confirmation, like the fanpic in Mexico, when I post and can say, ah my interpretation of things was correct. I rather want to give the correct (or as correct as possible) information, than to post juicy speculations.
And when there is additional information, then I post it. Just like now, or actually I know this since last night (but didn't feel like posting it right away). Being that we saw VF followed Pedro, the guy Sam started following in Sayulita as well. So to me that sort of confirms she was there as well and doesn't seem a coincidence anymore. Which adds more credibility that it was his voice, but still not 100% confirmation 🤷♀️
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hey so, was SKIP! ever on American TV? and if so, how?????? cuz I am 100% sure that I watched SKIP! on the TV when I was younger, like, an actual child kinda younger. it was like PBS or something showing student animations I guess?? and I was so enamored with it, I was desperately upset that I had no idea where I'd be able to find it again because I didn't know what it was called. and then later on I just happened to read tpoh (cuz i love webcomics) and there it was. right beside everything else. do you have any idea how crazy that is. It was like finding a long lost friend! Anyway that was years ago but I just wanted you to know that, since I don't think I've told you before but I've been following you for years.
Also your doodleduck comics are REALLY GOOD and are my single entry point into that kind of older-ducktales stuff. (also this is kind of random but I think your comic about gladstone and white guilt is one of the better works of art I've seen on that subject matter which I find very impressive)(source: I am black lol) OH AND HOW COULD I FORGET!! The princess and the jester is, like, phenomenally well made both visually and with its writing. It literally gives me CHILLS to read it. Frankly everything you make is so gorgeous, I kind of want to be like you. In the back of my mind when I'm like "what kind of artist do I wanna be?" your little checkered blog icon always pops up eventually haha. ok bye!!
;A;
damn this whole message means a lot to me, and yes! for a short time VFS was airing on a tv channel, I forget which but that was very cool and they gave me 500 dollar bucks which was a huge windfall for impoverished student mod :D :D :D it means so much to me that you like my work and found me again, and that particular duck comic was so scary for me to make but I've had so many wonderfully supportive messages from people like yourself that I'm really glad I stuck to my guns and listened to it. that was another 'seized from beyond by something bigger than myself' story moment... I'm glad it paid off and I hope I can continue to make things that scare me shitless but do some good in the world.
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