#and i also need to write for lestrade like i need oxygen so…

[ohwatson]

becoming convinced to write mystrade in the big year 2025 because i want to devise a fully fleshed out lestrade backstory while also putting mycroft in humbling situations & they’ve been invading all of my thoughts this afternoon

[marta-bee]

In which Sherlock is a brat, Mycroft is longsuffering in a maliciously-compliant sort of way, Lestrade is just --well-- perfectly Lestradish, and if you're not clicking the link after reading the sample below to just go read the thing, well, more's the shame for you.

Seriously. I. am. chortling.

(And do follow @eventhorizon451 for more delightful Mystrade if you're not already.)

      “Hmmmm… alright, so you don’t deny Mr. Holmes’s accusations, whatever they may be… I’m still not solid on that but I suspect it’ll tease out at some point.”

      “That is what you gleaned from my speech, Lestrade?”

      “Basically.”

      “Deplorable.”

      “If you say so, sir.  In any case, are you the person responsible for removing the original walkway and replacing it with those concrete slabs?”

      “I am.”

      “Destruction of private property….”

      “Don’t write that down!”

      “Gotta keep the facts straight, sir, so you get fair treatment by the law.  Might I inquire as to where you obtained the cement?”

      “No.”

      “Adding Theft to the charges list.”

      “I did not confess to stealing it!”

      “Can you produce a receipt for your purchase.”

      “Receipts are boring.”

      “Theft stays on the list until such time as the owner of the shop corroborates your purchase or is first informed of his inventory loss and files his own complaint.”

      “There was an extreme surplus of materials at the construction site!  I was reducing the inevitable waste to benefit the environment.”

      “I’ll jot that down as a mitigating factor.”

      “I do not need mitigation!”

      “Making a note that you not only confessed to the crime but are proud of it.  Not that you asked, but my advice is not to say things like that aloud as they tend to work against you in court.”

      “I am not a criminal.  Mycroft’s anti-science biases are, however, and he should be tossed in the stocks as a target for young children practicing their aim with slings and catapults they made during their art instruction at school.”

      “Is that a threat, sir?  Mr. Holmes, are you feeling unsafe due to this person’s words or conduct?”

      “Let me think…”

      ‘Oh, piss OFF, Mycroft!”

      “Yes, I believe I am.”

Mycroft’s smug smile made Sherlock boil over like a pan of milk left on the stove – spectacularly and with a great deal of future promise of more aggravation to come.  Stinky, crusted-on aggravation…

      “Alright, that goes on the list, also.  I think there’s enough here for me to take this individual into custody and see him processed.  I can take your statement here and draw up the paperwork for a formal complaint once I’m at my desk.”

      “Thank you.  It is good to see my taxes well being used for the civic good.”

      “Anything for you, love.”

Sherlock’s gasp drew in all available oxygen in the London area, which explained both Mycroft and Greg’s being frozen in place for several long moments.  Some information was not, at present, slated for certain infantile and hysterical ears.  Though the infant’s ears were now positively dripping with information.

      “You… you… you…. you!”

And the hysteria was commencing.

      “I’m… I’m me, sir, yes, thank you for noticing.”

      “Enough of your failed pantomime, Lestrade – confess!”

      “That’s my line, sir.  Please stick to the designated script.”