#and i have to constantly check stuff
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my irrational fear of bug infestation has returned and i might actually be losing itttt
#saw one too many bug and it all over#i can /feel/ them#like all over#and i have to constantly check stuff#like the only thing keeping this together is the fact i'm aware it's irrational#thought i had fought this off for good#boooooo#very hatful#badd#it always starts small and then just keeps getting worse#it's always faded before so hopefully it will only be like a month#sometimes i delude myself into thinking i've never actually been mentally ill#and then shit like this happens#and i'm forced to confront that maybe the doctors weren't totally off base with the ocd diagnosis#not sure if that's the best label#but it very well could be
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Thank you guys for dealing with me
#man I have just been really upset lately actually#late 2024 to now has just been the mask I didnt know I had was slipping#and me going “oh actually I'm pretty miserable and I was just trying to hide it from myself. what the fuck.”#and keeping those bad feelings away is getting harder and harder#i broke down completely a few days ago and had to leave dinner so my dad checked on me because I left my plate and i just. unloaded on him#I didn't even get to say everything because there's so much and im still learning how to articulate what makes me mad about my situation#he said that he can get me to see a professional (I was like LMAO FIRST TIME I SOB IN FRONT OF YOU UNPROMPTED YOU GET PROS INVOLVED?)#<- to be fair both my sisters asked for professional help and have been medicated before and he's on mental health meds too#he said maybe me talking to someone will make things better (I agree because maybe they'll help me be able to make a change in my house)#<- (cuz some stuff is just. unfair actually. and makes me super mad)#(like wdym the only minor works WAYYY more than half the house. wtf)#and also. since my social anxiety has been acting up lately and so has my paranoia. he said maybe medication would help#my social anxiety was so bad before school ended. whenever my Spanish teacher mentioned talking with people i felt sick#I've also hit my limit lately where if I'm having a bad day. one mildly annoying think makes me freak out and spiral#Like having to get toilet paper for the upstairs bathroom bc we ran out made me crash tf out#seeing people get paper plates made me so mad & complained to my sister who called me hostile for some things I said#<- And I started sobbing which was when my dad checked on me and i told him everything#man. being constantly environmentally conscious is so annoying when people in your house don't fucking care sometimes. i get sad#i feel like im personally being punished for needing to see people be wasteful because omg it gives me such guilt#sorry. tangent#i'm just really tired#of everything#I've felt like I've been annoying lately. that im not cool or funny or enjoyable#that I'm a burden you tolerate out of the goodness of your hearts or out of pity#I've felt like that for so so long#It's hard. realizing that being proud of my abilities was what kept me happy for so long. I am proud of what I can do#<- but I don't know if it's sustainable? loving yourself for accomplishments instead of for you#sorry for being depressing#vent
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do you ever think about how all you used to draw when you were 10 was ponies and that you should still know how to do that, then get an idea and proceed to draw something like these in nearly one sitting and it turns out better than any drawing you've done in the entire past month
sooo anyway does anyone have cutie mark or pony name ideas for them?? lol
#(the b girl lineups are older than a month because i procrastinated a lot on doing minor fixes. nothing i drew in the month of june 2024#is really worth showing it's all shitty doodles lmao)#bnha#class 1b#mlp#?#yui kodai#setsuna tokage#itsuka kendo#ibara shiozaki#(i love how she came out in particular! creature :3)#reiko yanagi#tikto's art#you may be wondering why pony of all people isn't here.#i did draw her! but i kind of ran out of steam so i ended up not really liking the result lol same for kinoko#anyway shoutout to elementary school me i was SO obsessed with mlp. brony stuff was one of the first things i used the internet for#and you know what. i wouldn't say it ruined me it was a pleasant experience#i just read what was basically a polish version of equestria daily and constantly checked the deviantart profile of one (1) specific artist#that i liked a lot#i did watch some weird speedpaints (yknow the horror ones) but i honestly dont remember being very bothered by them i just liked the art#i was just chilling there lurking and never actively participating due to being 10 and afraid of online strangers (good for me tbh)#i remember having an identity crisis though because can i really call myself a brony if i'm a little girl? the target audience of the show?#lmao anyway i would also draw ponies constantly and write oc fanfics (and the ocs were actually my irl friends ponified)#and i even had my own little g5 concept. good times good times#tag story time over god bless enjoy your day
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a beta reader left a comment on my manuscript that was basically:
"this story is a waste of my time."
and it's like....
i have thick skin and all, since i've been working with beta readers for a long time, but...
ouch.
thanks, i guess. helpful.
#like#alright?#tbh beta readers have been driving me nuts lately#finding good ones has been a real headache#bc i specifically tell people im not looking for line edits#and all they do is line edits#i ask them to focus on the plot#and they say yeah ok#but then they do like grammar checks#and its like#this story is in an early draft form#i do not need grammar checks#and i told them that#but no ones listening to that lol#well at least people are kinda trying to be friendly tho#this one particular beta reader#christ#i cant remember where i got her#i doubt its tumblr#the people ive dragged from here have been friendly if not helpful#she feels like#someone i found on reddit methinks#also i dont think her criticisms make sense#like im open to criticisms i really am#ive already changed a lot of my opening stuff#but this particular beta reader man#shes constantly complaining that shes confused but#no one else whos read that section has been confused#i wonder if perhaps#our intelligence is not equivalent
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i’m so mad i want to go back in time and tell 15 year old rinnie to get into wwe bc i really want to see the shield in action and like all of cm punk’s matches…i wanna know why roman and seth are rivals now or more specifically why did seth betray him in the first place…i wish i could’ve seen all that as it was happening….i feel like i missed everything ??? i feel i’m way too late to all this like i’ve missed the golden years or smth…
#the fact i was LITERALLY watching matches when i was 15 and 16 years old???? WHY DIDNT I CONTINUE????#i mean i still didn’t know what was going on but still i would have eventually figured it out#what’s even crazier is that i literally had wwe moots back on my very first tumblr acc back in the day#LITERALLY had internet friends that i talked to on a daily basis that would talk to me abt pro wrestling……#it’s the fact they TOLD me to get into it and didn’t FUCK#this one girl talked to me abt roman reigns constantly….#and like 10 years later look where i’m at…..#seth and roman were still like brothers then IM SADDDD#probably just hormonal but it makes me a lil sad seeing roman and seth hate each other knowing how they used to be so close :(((#yall is there any hope for them??? idk what seth did betrayal wise but do u ever think they’ll make up???#i’m soooo jealous of everyone who grew up watching this#it’s so cool yall got to witness all this cool history and stuff live as it was happening#i get….*checks notes* logan paul….#wwe#roman reigns#seth rollins#— rinnie watches wwe
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random question: of the heisei era kamen riders which one do you think is the best as an intro to kamen rider?
Yo, yo hi Anon! I left a short reply on Ultra's post too and I second her recommendations, they're really good!(If you are an unrelated party never mind that though!!) Admittedly, my expertise is far lesser than with Sentai so can't really speak to a season that will give someone the best impression of the Kamen Rider series at large, but I hope I can at least recommend something that would be enjoyable.
That being said I encourage the toku crowd that follows me here to reply with any suggestions if there is a particularly good starter season you wanna champion, for my benefit as well perhaps aahaha!
(some synopses and pitches of my own under the cut)
My first two thoughts were Ghost and Build...
Ghost was one of the Rider seasons I started with when I began watching in earnest. I get the impression that it is a less popular series but i hold a lot of positive feelings towards it.
Ghost is a hero that gains his powers from famous deceased historical figures(and also he can walk through walls, disappear, and fly). It is a more gentle season of Rider in my opinion, less gut-wrenching twists, an easy to follow storyline with melancholy leaning themes regarding life and death and loss, and doing what you can while you can, and doing it with feeling, while still being enjoyably silly and bright! Go into this one with love in your heart lol!
It also has the cutest rider design in my opinion(the sole reason i started watching this one haha!), he looks like this:


He has a little hoodie!!
I also love the supporting cast a lot, and there is a crossover movie with the Rider after him where they fight pacman!!!
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Build seems to me to be a really popular series of the late Hesei era and I enjoyed it a lot. It has a really punchy action-science vibe that swings expertly between comedic and tragic tones. Like seriously its SO funny but it also HURTS!! I recommend this one if you're looking for the high-energy emotional whiplash that people like to talk about with KR.
In Build, Japan had been split into three little mini-countries and our heroes have to deal with the politics of that for a good portion of the show all while dealing with their own personal battles, and trying to decide where their allegiances lie(with themselves? their countries? their friends? with who they were in the past?).
our main hero is an amnesiac, self-aggrandizing, scientific genius who has partnered with a big, lovable idiot with rocks for brains and powerful fists, to protect the people! the Primary/Secondary Rider dynamic in this series is an iconic one and for good reason, i think!
Half of that dynamic: Banjou Ryuuga... I love him a lot!

(Their tertiary Kamen Rider Grease is great too, if there was ever a guy who was the power of friendship but also kinda mean about it aahaha!)
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If you like older tv from the early 2000s and a bit of a more grungy vibe(less hyper-color) you may enjoy an early heisei series Like 555(often also spelled Faiz) or Agito.
Faiz is a fascinating sort of character drama with interesting dynamics and a range of very unique personalities. They all really go through it from episode one too, so I was pretty white knuckled through the whole thing, having my emotions battered, but that's what I'm into aahah!
The plot is sort of centered around a battle between a few humans and an organization of evolved people called orphenochs that are working to replace the old humanity as the dominant species. I especially enjoyed the orphenoch roommates, a trio who were varying levels of sympathetic to humanity's struggle in the series.
I enjoyed Faiz himself a lot too, he's pretty ill-mannered and took a lot of coercing to get him to join up, and it was fun to follow the absolutely abysmal relationships he formed with his new friends eventually develop into something meaningful.

There is SO much infighting in this series, and a lot of love-triangle type drama which plays out but I believe that's part of the appeal, it was very interesting!
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I watched Agito on a whim once a while before I'd earnestly gotten into the Kamen Rider series(knee deep in sentai at that point and couldn't be distracted aahah!). I think it was technically my second series(after having seen most of the original) so from personal experience I think it's an easy one to start with.
Its another season with incredibly interesting characters. I've seen Agito himself described as a human Animal Crossing villager and that's incredibly accurate. He's an amnesiac fella that likes to cook, clean and tend to his vegetable garden. He is also occasionally compelled to transform and fight Unknown monsters.
He's a real sweetie, so much so that the horrors of his situation just seem to bounce right off of him aahaha!
Agito also has a fun little cop-drama sort of thing going on over with their secondary rider and his circle who have built their own rider system for the police department. It gives me the vibe of a workplace with a lot of underhanded power maneuvering and that's really fun to watch.
It's just generally a very good monster mystery flavored series with a lot of supernatural elements!
(i don't really have any agito pictures aahaha sorry!)
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The best part about starting Kamen Rider is that you can start almost anywhere if you think a particular season will suit your taste since each is generally self contained save for crossover movies. I hope you land on something you enjoy and have lots of fun!
#kamen rider#ask and be answered#hi anon!!#apologies if this is more words than you wanted!#i hope you find something you like! would love to know how it works out for you!#i see a lot of people recommending kuuga and ryuki for new watchers too if anyone has any opinions on that...#if this is ultra's anon i haven't seen decade so idk the general vibe of that one but if i recall it is an anniversary series?#it might be interesting for you to check out one of the earlier series if they had a part in decade!#ultra makes fun of me constantly for not realizing the angel themes in agito before i was over half way in(they're in the dang opening yosh#got roasted again for it today aaahaha!#i was blinded by the cool monster fights and shouichi tsugami i'm sorry!#tbf!!! the theming might be really light.... idk how far it extends outside of the MotWs#i do not have the knowledge base to identify angel related mythos unfortunately i have failed in my studies waahah!#all the Unknown have really cool halo portals they pull weapons and stuff out of and that appear when they are about to die(i think)#also the little wingies :)
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don't feed your tomogatchi more food than it can handle, it'll eat itself toooo-- death /lyr
#jims computer#roblox art#roblox#i love this game#i have similar paranoia issues especially with stuff akin to jim constantly checking his cabinets#jim is like top ten blorbuses this month
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Thanks for explaining! So does that mean an alternate would have a jersey with an A and a jersey without an A when they’re rotating? I can’t believe I never even noticed lol but seriously I wish leafs fans would pick a damn opinion and own up to it like the way they hated jt for his contract and wanted him traded up until he passed the C to auston and suddenly he’s nhl joe Biden and it would be sacrilege to make him share an A like it is nawt that serious it can nawt possibly be that serious
yes!! behind the scenes, everyone already has multiple home and away jerseys already, so the leadership group with rotating a's just has them with and without depending on the game! i'm fairly certain mitch and auston just switched off every other game most of the time, but i feel like i've heard about some teams doing away vs home alts etc etc. all of that seems up to the team, you just submit your roster and can only have 3 ppl with a letter per game. most teams just stick to 1 c and 2 a's, but when one of them is out, sometimes someone will be made an a temporarily too.
and tell me about it, lol!!!!!! people just act like it's the biggest deal in the world and i'm truly like.... jt just willingly stepped aside and handed over the whole ass captaincy, which isn't uber common....... you're gonna tell me he draws the line at sometimes not having an a on his jersey? did the whole team just forget he's been their captain for yrs and has the leadership qualities that he does bc he's not wearing it? god forbid. i've seen it about mo a lot too and i'm just like. i get ppl are sentimental abt his tenure with the leafs but be VERY real if you think morgan rielly is gonna throw a hissy fit abt some shit stitched on his jersey every other game. it's not like you get paid more one way or another. it's not like there's a real impact beyond you just not being at the forefront in terms of talking to officials.
#easks#its jsut so fuckjdnksfl STUPIDDDD#i think the leadership responsibilities behind the scenes require more time put in in terms of meetings and#speaking w upper management. and showing up..#but just . anyone in that group does that all the time like thats the point lol. its not a game to game basis#its abt who has the initiative in the room and all of tehse guys have had these positions for yrs lol#spending extra hours giving feedback to the coaches and coming up w game plans to get the rest of the team on board#even off the ice shit like#mitch is the one planning team parties. mo and auston buying youngens suits. jt hosting newbies at his house#auston having everyrone over when they were in az.#mitch constantly checking up on everyone and keeping open communication. jt taking the rookies out golfing#like thats all stuff thats like. documented. lKFJDS AND LEADERSHIP SHIT BRO
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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does anyone wanna give me thousands of dollors for being sooooo sweets and cutes and nice???? 🥺👉👈
#.pdf#rd#been meaning to save up for various things for ages but i dont work much bcos of my n24 & fatigue..#so everything i make goes to feeding myself and my cats and paying car insurance + phone bill + etc#and using whatever extra i have to slowly replace shit thats worn out/broken etc etc but im. constantly broke. cos i work so little#but i sure could use just like 1k to spare to get my underweight cats health and teeth checked & to fix up the spare room across from mine..#this also isnt anyones problem but mine though tbhh. i can afford food and stuff and a lot of people cant even do that. and like ill be fine#its just annoying and stressful ☹️
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I do think the wildest part of the Skyrocket/Connie concept is that Visaggio seemed to legitimately believe that Kon-El is like... a D-List superhero. Which is just like, a wild thing to believe considering the Comic Kon won in a fan poll hadn't even finished coming out at the time she pitched her idea.
#dc comics#dccomics#superboy#kon el#Like if she was maybe 15 years younger I'd get it? Because that'd be growing up on 2010s comics where Kon didn't have a book for most of it#But like Kon was in books during the 90s. He was in books during the 2000s. He was in books until like 2014?#And then he came back in 2019 and got a book again.#Kon's at worst a lower c-tier character but probably more like upper C-tier?#Constantly in adaptations pretty consistently in or has a comic.#The big periods where Kon hasn't been in comics is like 'Kon was killed because of stuff happening in editorial or on a corporate level'#Like it's from 2006 to 2009 (dead) and then 2014-2019 (Dead + weird N52 stuff).#Arguably Kon was sort of not in comics between the end of Bendis YJ and then YJDC... But he did have appearances.#Also there were like 8 events during that time and frankly Suicide Squad was using Match which I'll count.#Kon doesn't always have a solo book but he tends to have one more often than lots of other characters.#Even when not in a solo he still tends to be in team or Superman books.#Will add that I don't oppose Kon being trans conceptually and I've given my thoughts on that specific outline for a story before.#I just think in future check that a character is a D-list character before deciding to do a massive reinvention
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i can't even just blame fitz for this anymore they're both stupid. when the fool went "I envy Kettricken because she could comfort you and I couldn't" Fitz was Going To respond and then the fool pulled a "whoops look at the time I got to go get breakfast" like BRO. JESUS. at this point forget them being lovers and needing to confess their romantic feelings for eachother—whatever their deal is with that is irrelevant. they need to actually talk to eachother about like. their relationship as friends. you are SKILL BONDED to this man. no discussion of that. they could ACTUALLY spend time together now and haven't and when Fitz says he's going to use his free time to go visit jinna the fool just goes "wow... so many people wanting your time huh...." passive aggressively twirling a piece of the bouquet in his fingers like oooohhhh my god tell this man you want to hang out. you haven't hung out for a prolonged period of time since the cabin. forget team kiss on the mouth I'm team talk about what you want from this friendship going forward. I'm team admit to eachother you have a fundamental spot in each other's lives and hearts regardless of what you call that spot right now. I'm team hang out.
#estarriol mute this#rote liveblog#tbh#this is one of the rare very well written friendships i have read.#i BUY these two as best friends.#and it wouldve been very easy to coast by on “we're tied by fate we're prophet and catalyst we need no words to express our bond”#but no. they hang out. they joke. they have best friend nonverbal communication. they make fun of eachother.#the fool can tell when the fitz has had his fill of dancing and smoke and make an excuse to go back to their rooms#fitz can actually READ the fool sometimes#which is impressive considering no one else can#he notices when the facade of lord golden slips and the fool is actually surprised#or when hes pretending to like someone#theyre genuinely best friends and i LOVE that#im in a spot im not used to being in#which is that i totally buy them as just really close best friends and the only reason i also think theyre in love with eachother is because#like were it not for the fool calling him his one true love#werent for the kiss or the palm reading#werent for the fool constantly calling fitz attractive and checking him out#werent for the fool straight up telling fitz that hes the only person his charm hasnt worked on (TWICE!)#if it werent for all that id be fully accepting of these two as platonic best friends. even with them getting jealous#even with the we are twined by fate everything#even with the “you are the other half of my soul” stuff#its so weird to be in a place where for once im like “no these two make sense as close friends” and the TEXT ITSELF is going#“no but they are like. into eachother. the fool is attracted to fitz.”#like this is CRAZY. i was not expecting this. i was ready and willing to be delusional again on this one goddamn
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Oh yeah yesterday I went to my C programming professor's office hours to ask about what's being covered in class tomorrow. Since I can't go bc of my PT appointment overlapping with it & I'm apparently the kind of student that cares about attending every single class now.
While I was there, I ended up chatting with him about a few things, including my current standing in the class. He asked what I got on the midterm exam, & I answered it was an 87, and he told me I was one of the top 5 or 6 scores in the Whole Class (this being a like. Maybe 70 or so person class). Top score was a 92 or 93 (idr lol) & the class average was a 72. Apparently there were a few of us in the upper 80s/lower 90s, but most people got 70s or lower. And once he does the curve on the exam, he said I'd probably end up with a 97 or so on the exam. So yay!!!
And then he told me how he's noticed how I come to class every day and am really active with taking notes and answering questions. Bc I also sit up front all the time lmao. Hadn't even realized how much of a damned teacher's pet I've been being, but I've been Trying to be a good student this year. But he said I was the type of student that if I got an 88% or smth in the class, he'd likely bump me up to a 90% so I'd get an A lol. But he also said so long as I keep up with how I have been, I could possibly get a 100% in the class by the end (bc I've been there for all the extra credit questions in class and whatever).
And just. I went there bc I wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything important in class on Wednesday, and I ended up having my ego stroked for Real. Felt good to have my efforts be recognized.
#speculation nation#now if only i could care that much for my web coding class. but oh well im still keeping up even if its a reluctant shamble much of the time#other stuff we talked about was how im graduating this semester & how i plan to stay in indiana to work#bc i have family here & i like the relatively low cost of living. & im not particularly ambitious.#just wanna make enough money to live comfortably. dont need anything fancy beyond that.#& he talked about how that's a good outlook in life. how he's known ppl who went to fuckin silicon valley or whatever#with high paying jobs. but the cost of living is so high that theyre effectively not making much more money than here#he said smth about like. a $70k salary has just as much strength here than a $120k salary there. smth around those#& he praised me on how i seem genuine and hard-working. so he thinks im gonna do just fine in the industry 🥺🥺🥺#i kinda wanted to keep chatting with him but i had to go to bowling class lol. ended up late to it even#bc i checked my phone for the time while chatting and went Oh Fuck bc it wss 1 min after the class started hfkshfks had to rush off then#but yeah makes me feel very nice about that class. i think it rly is my favorite class this semester.#web programming is pretty rewarding and im glad im taking it. but i was basically a complete newbie in html css and javascript#so ive spent quite a lot of time wanting to tear out my fucking HAIR over these labs. b4 it clicks and im like Haha yayy :3#i like C programming bc it's just so much more logical and regimented. it IS the language that got me to give up my engineering degree#since i was thinking about computer engineering. took my first coding class freshman year. and went 'i love this. i want to do CS now'#didnt do that obviously. but im happy where ive ended up. i wouldnt wanna be a programmer lol#and then my quality engineering in IT class. it's certainly engaging. it's the class i constantly have presentations in tho#had Another one this morning. blah! good to keep in practice but i still dont rly enjoy public speaking lmao#probably the most work intensive of my classes. interesting but Blegh#C programming i just keep up with the labs and do the exams and it's wonderful... so logical and comforting...#oh yeah web programming i also have a few presentations. also gotta fucking. code my project pages by next week 😭😭😭#i think it's just the html and css? no javascript yet. thank god. javascript is by far the hardest to learn#but css is so finicky too!!!! ive been struggling with trying to move these fucking input boxes around#i wanna have them on the right!! but they wont go there!!! gotta poke at it more. at least i managed to finish building the form.#still have to finish the lab tho. that was due 2 days ago. lol. also have another one due sunday. AND the project pages. gah!!!#they havent even graded the wireframes yet. i wanted their feedback b4 proceeding to coding >:( oh well#anyways yeah..im keeping busy lol
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What do you do when a friend really wants to play a game with you but it's a horror game and you Really really do not like horror games because horror media tends to make your paranoia worse but you have already said no to most of her suggestions because well. They all just seem like I wouldn't really be having a lot of fun there is all....I feel like such an asshole but I just really do not think I'd have fun playing phasmophobia and I'm not spending 20€ on a game I have no interest in playing but just. Like. I feel like I kind of owe it to her atp for generally being not the best of friends there is.
#she wantwd me to get a pony world account i dislike making new accounts for things if I don't absolutely have to and also I would never#have been on there realistically#i refuse to download roblox I simply refuse#and I do not like horror games#most of them at least#there's a lot of potential in the genre I'm sure#but I just can not stand jumpscares and that ''oooo someone is watching youuu'' stuff and i enjoy a lot of sillyness#but as assholey as I am making myself sound when i say thid#stuff like poppy playtime or fnaf or stuff like that just#i sound like such a snob good god but where is the complex themes and motives#i worry we simply do not enjoy the same kind of stuff which is fine i think#nothing bad aboht enjoying the same stuff but i always feel so bad when I have to explain that I just really am not that interested in the#kind of horror media she seems to enjoy#it just does nothing for me at best and at worse it makes me constantly check behind myself while brushing my teeth because I don't trust#the mirror to actually show me there's nobody there#or should I just get over myself and do her this one favour.....#i do feel silly every time i try to explain myself there tbh because what in the flapdoodle do you mean#''you don't trust the mirror to show you there isn't actually anyone standing behind you''#it sounds silly doesn't it#recently I've also started to worry I'm being recorded or filmed so now i have to lie my phone in a place where I wouldn't be in camera view#or every time I say something potentially ''incriminating'' i first have to check i don't accidentally left a voicemail open or something#I don't know man I just have the feeling horror is not a genre I should indulge in not going to lie there it just.#it just does not seem like a grand idea to be is all#especially not for 20 quid hello thats 20€ i could spend on stuff that wont make me scared of doors that arent fully closed#but logically speaking i know thats over the top and silly so. sigh. harsh decisions to be made here...
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I had to cancel my psychology assessment bcs the cost after insurance was too high and I'm trying to not feel too down about it but idk I was looking forward to some Insight about my Problems
#it wasnt even like an impossible amount just with wverything going on in my life now i could not get that amount if mobdy together#especially when the only reward for doing it is spending more money in medications and therapy#i wish i could do that stuff and not have the financial burdern add so much stress to my life it makes the act itself irrelevant#like after loosing my dad and my aunt ontop of My Childhood and everything i feel like i need professional help#im so sad all the time and i cant seem to keep myself checked a constantly fall into mania and depression#i dunno im just really bummed about it and figured a quick writing out of my feefees would help a bit#and hopefully it will
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The good news is my smart typewriter arrived, the bad news is its battery is deceased
#basically i tried to turn it on right out of the box and it did not respond at all#so i put it on charge and left it for like 10 minutes; at which point it did turn right on when i pressed the power button#i did the quick start stuff and postbox works fine; send to email works fine; all the keys seem to work and it did a firmware update#which fixed the tiny bit of lag the screen had at first#i’m constantly hitting the wrong keys but i do that on any keyboard til i’m used to it. it’s a nice keyboard#the only thing is when i checked how charging was going just now; the battery percentage was still showing 1%. 🧐#it’s been charging for well over an hour and a half#i did a restart and switched to what i think is an optimal charger#(i.e. the usb cable that came with the device + the usb-c wall plug that came with my ipad#not the charging lead for my earbuds + a random wonky samsung plug which is what i was using before)#i’m also going to fully stop bothering it until probably like late in the evening at minimum#i SHOULD be working technically#in my defence i didn’t expect it to arrive so soon. tracking never updated so i thought it was stuck at a random international depot#when actually it made it to heathrow like 2 days ago#look i’m just going to try and count my blessings that everything aside from the battery is working beautifully right now#and if i was a lithium battery left in transit for like 10 days i’d probably die too#worst case scenario i’m just going to have to exclusively use the thing while it’s plugged in. and it has a long cable.. i’ll be fine#personal
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