#and i thought it would be fun to share a bit of personal experience through the lens of one of my favorite pokemon

[fluffy-feathers23]

Concept sketches for a plural Eevee OC :3 based on my own experiences with plurality, which i won't be getting into too much right now, and what can be considered a "system pokesona"

The idea so far is that Eevee here can temporarily evolve into a certain amount of evolutions, similar to Vee from the Adventures manga. The temp-evolution is most commonly triggered by their headmates when fronting, though it's not the only reason they have headmates.

As said above most of the rest is based heavily on my own system and i don't feel like trying to describe that right now. Maybe when the designs are finished

[limerlove]

series masterlist. ᭪ read on ao3.

pairing. footballplayer!vi x songwriter!reader

#chap summary. ryder huntington is the love of your life until she breaks up with you. for the past two years, she’s been your calm in the storm. the tide pulling you to the serenity of the shore. it’s always been her. yet, four months in, you receive five fatal messages putting an end to your blossoming relationship. you need time, according to her. more time to settle in your queerness. when you unleash your wrath in the dead of night, it’s not her on the other end of the line. it’s her best friend, her roommate, the lesbian everyone wants to fuck, violet vanderson.

content warnings. internalized homophobia, reader is inexperienced with women, college!au, this one is pretty warning free. a little glimpse into their dynamic.

#dykenote ◟ ྀི she’s here! i’m nervous as fuck to post this. never have i loved a project as much as i love this one. very, very excited to continue to share this one. lmk if y’all like it. happy readings angels.

messages. five notifications from ryder.  1:51 am: i love you babe but i have something to confess. i’ve been thinking a lot about us and how we want different things. part of me can’t help but feel like you’re settling. ⤿ 1:59 am: mel told me the other night how terrified you were when we first kissed. the first time you asked me out. before, i thought it was cute. i know how much you love me. fuck, i really do feel it every time we’re together. but i don’t want you to regret it. you need to go have fun, be single. you’ve only discovered what you like and i want you to be sure it’s me you see a future with.  ⤿ 2:15 am: i want to be the person you see your life with but this is truly for the best. we’ll get back together once you’ve figured out exactly what you need. just for a little bit. we need this break. you deserve the queer experience, everything your heart desires. you’re still a baby gay. you need to figure yourself out. ⤿ 2:20 am: the both of us will be so much stronger because of it. i want you to have those experiences and i need to know you love me for me. not just because i’m the first. ⤿ 3:47 am: call me in the morning and we can talk. i only want the best for you. please know that.

Piltover University. Spring Semester. Year three.

5:27 am.

Each new message loads a new bullet in the chamber. Effectively shooting you in the heart as the safety is triggered. You couldn’t help yourself. The phone call made at five in the morning against your better judgement. How could she do this to you? Play your heart like it’s a toy. Some twisted game to be won with you as collateral damage. 

“Ryd, you really don’t have the decency to do this in person? Telling me I need to have more experiences because I’m not gay enough? Because I’ve only now realized I like women. You know what? Fuck you. You are everything to me and you give me some shitty fucking texts to end things—”

The blood is pumping through your veins so viciously. Not for a moment do you relinquish an ounce of your terror.

“You are a goddamn coward. If you want to run, at least give me the goddamn respect I deserve and tell me to my face. Feeding me nonsense on how straight I’ve lived my live. I’m goddamn gay. Why would I possibly regret any of this? Regret you? Don’t make me as an excuse. If you want leave? Be gone then. Really Ryd, tell me who the fuck she is? There has to be someone else for you to act like a goddamn idiot.” 

Inadequate silence punctures the space between your ribs as you wait for her to speak with whatever dignity she has left. Ready for her to split you open, bared seeds for her flesh to sink into, tailor-made for her to obtain.

Possessively cruel, Ryder Huntington, the goalie who captured everyone’s hearts. Instead of feeling free, your heart is captured in a cage. With her name written all over it. Beady eyes watching as you try to pick the lock. A sunflower basking in the sun shifting to her insecurities illuminated by the moon.

Is she right? Are you biting off more than you can chew?

The same woman you couldn’t help but fall for when she kissed you on New Years Eve underneath the first snowfall of winter. The most romantic moment in memory. All the pining, the tension, the coffee dates you imagined to be nothing more than friendly occurrences with an underlying hope.

This was it. 

You’re supposed to get the girl. Ryder is yours and somehow, you still managed to lose her.

“Fuck, Ryd really made a mess of you, huh?” But it isn’t her. No— shit — it’s not— 

Oh, fuck me. V. 

“Where is she?” You’re seething, molars dig into your gums, the muscle in your jaw twitching in desperation. “Put her on the phone.” 

“No can do, princess. She left this morning for her workout.” There’s a crunch on the other line. Her perfectly aligned teeth craving edges in the green apples she loves so much. “Surprised you want to get a hold of her. Doesn’t seem like the two of you are in good spirits.” 

You didn’t really know how to feel about her. Mouth sharp as knives, her big-blue eyes subconsciously begging, the inked-art on her back you’ve only seen glimpses of. The one on her neck you think about tracing with your tongue in your dreams.

She’s beautiful, that’s obvious, anyone on campus could tell you that. More striking than her vibrant hair, or the way a few lone pieces jaggedly cut to create her messy, half-brazen mullet. The piercings on her face, the hoop looping through her hose, the two silver gems accentuating her eyebrow.

And the most noticeable, the one that catches your eyes, a black ball pierced through the skilled-muscle in her mouth. Contrasting against her pink tongue as she plays with it in concentration. Making you curse the gods above for making her so goddamn enchanting.

Above everything else, she’s an athlete, top of her game on and off the field. Without even blinking, V can have whoever she likes. Man or woman but she sticks to the latter. Universally adored, and to make matters worse, you see her constantly.

The roommate of your girlfriend, the captain of the football team — you can’t escape her — and it’s puzzling why she’s the one who seems to evade your attention. When you’re alone, V turns on the heat. Flirting in passing so she can make you squirm but not going too far where it could mean anything.

A simple shrug off when you try to address it. The woman on the other end is simply a puzzle you can’t walk away from. Her presence in your life is more prominent than it’s ever been.

In the third year of university, Ryder and her share an apartment across campus. The rent is stupidly expensive and with them both being here on scholarships, neither one of them could afford it alone. A means of financial convenience. Ryder and V have been thick as thieves from second year and they never fight. Almost to a point it’s annoying. 

Somehow without trying, she ends up in the middle of your relationship. Petty fights Ryder sometimes draws and then her input is somehow needed. Vanderson has the heart to dismiss herself and that only pisses Ryd off even more. All her anger amounts to a slammed front door; never failing to make you flinch. 

Today is just another example of how she unknowingly putting herself in the crossfire. 

What's even more embarrassing is this isn’t the most compromising phone call you’ve been in with Vi on the other end. You imagined what she was like as a child — rebellious, troublesome, and with a heart too big for her own good. Even though she does her best to disguise it under her senseless flirting.

Until hallucinations of her love materializes and you can’t endure the idea of her her heart fluttering in tandem with your own.

It’s all a facade. And you see right through her. You have to.

“I knew you would cover for her.” You puff out — you can’t leave and pound on their door and you certainly have way too much pride to even let Ryder think she has that much power over you.

It seems she thinks there’s already too much of a power dynamic hovering over you two. Some weighted blanket threatening to suffocate you both, the dead of night cursing your name on her tongue.

“M’not, princess. She won’t be back for a couple of hours.” 

“You are insufferable, Vanderson.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, taking a breath as you try to muster up an ounce of patience. 

“Don’t talk dirty to me. You know what that does to me, princess.” 

Effortlessly, heat crawls from your chest and flutters on your cheeks and her smirk reaches into your candlelight room. “I do no—” 

“But you could find out.” The grin she’s no doubt sporting can be seen through the phone. You’re imagining the high raised eyebrow with the scar you wonder how she got, her picking at the hoop pierced through her nose, or how her calloused fingertips smooth over the gem on her eyebrow piercing when she’s slightly nervous. 

You blink yourself out of the pink-haired, lesbian induced daydream. 

“I love how quick you are to pick at the dead carcass of my relationship. Really V, it’s so flattering on you.” You’re about to hang up but she says something you’re not expecting. 

“Wait— I have an idea.” She takes a beat as you wait for her to finish. Stutters of heavy breath come through the speaker, a single moment is given to appreciate the hitch of her apprehension before she says your name.  

“Vanderson.” You repeat back to her. She laughs and for a moment you think it’s an alternate reality where this can happen.

“Look, I could withhold some information. Not tell her you called. But some advice? If you want her back, you have to play it cool. Act like you don’t give a fuck even when you do. Fuck another girl, go on a date at least, show her you’re not disposable.” 

“That’s exactly what she wants! I want her, V.” 

“Trust me. I know how Ryd works. If she sees you with someone else, she’s not going to be able to stomach it. Even if she hears about it, fuck, that shit would make me sick.” You want to ask why but you press your lips together in a fine line. “Ryd might think she wants this. She’ll crack as soon as she hears about you with someone else.” 

She’s kind enough to let you sit in your thoughts for a moment. Digest the information she gives but the more you think about it, the more terrifying it seems — talking to other women who aren’t Ryder. 

“You could be my someone else.” You say the words before thinking. Panicking in an instant, you end the call immediately too scorned to face her self-assured reaction. It would make you sick. 

Two seconds later there’s a buzz in your pocket. You have a feeling she must have ditched Ryder’s phone for her own. 

new message.  v: you’re going to need more practice if that’s how you react when you flirt with another girl.  ⤿ i wasn’t flirting. 

You want to scold the rise of heat in your cheeks. It’s out of bounds. Unexpectedly embarrassing. Riveting to your very core.

v: sure princess. it’s okay if you were. being a single woman and all. you’re allowed. maybe you should. just not with me. it could be good for you. to put yourself out there, it wouldn’t hurt. you could even get fucked by someone. live a little.  ⤿ but not by you? 

She takes longer to reply. You’ve struck a nerve you weren’t even aware existed. Even if you had stayed on the phone a moment longer, you wonder how she would have reacted. For the sake of dignity, you can’t help but conjure endless capabilities, wrapping around you in a kaleidoscope full of red-violets. 

v: not with me. she’s my roommate and teammate in case you’ve forgotten. someone though.  v: i’m sure you’ll find it easy. a horny woman won’t be that hard to find especially when you’re this beautiful. go to the lacrosse party after game. abby’s mansion on the hill. you’ll have a whole roster to choose from. win or lose, half of the team will need someone to fuck.  ⤿ good idea, v. thanks. 

She hearts the message. It should have been the end. Vi had given you solid advice to get your girl. The love of your life — it’s all you craved — but you feel a tug at your chest. Reading over the compliment like it’s sacred scripture. Until each letter is engraved in the depths of your mind. Creating a labyrinth you want to give her the guide for. 

The ground beneath you rings and rings and rings. It’s disastrous. You can’t escape her voice in the fortress of her smile. Taunting you with every last breath. 

Especially when you’re this beautiful. 

You take it as fact but the compliment seems more suited to the Vandersons of the world. Fluttering eyelashes making a joker out of a queen. Stealing hearts one ache at a time — ready to give the fatale finality of a deep cut.

᭪ next chapter.

if you wanna be tagged in future parts, leave a comment on this post and i'll add you! taglist: @littledykeblue @stars-for-circe @marieeeluvsyou @sawaagyapong @riotstemple29 @tessalovesmatcha @jupitism @norwayromanoff @kittymrtnezz69 @fortune777 @baylegend6 @ddandelionfluff @rhian88 @mikellie @jnksvelvet @dysphxriaii @my-fabulousness-has-arrived @loserabby @bluminescent-moon @thalchmy @robinphobia @ferxanda @mars4hellokitty @poobugs @autisticratbagtm @jaycouldbegay @sevikas-whore @krilara @starrysetup22 @ellvimatcha @chellecunttt @thxtmarvelchick @sillypuppy77 @luvwithau @sapphiclittleidiot @klallx @elliesbebegurl @viietta @bluminescent-moon @bleepbloopblabloop 

[vamptarot]

TMIs about your future spouse | PAC

pile one pile two pile three

how to choose a pile . . . choose whichever you feel drawn to or ask your guides to guide your eyes to the one that is meant for you! ᡣ𐭩

— ⭑.ᐟ this pac was inspired by soobin, as well as my own love for tmis! tmi means ‘too much information’, so things that could be awkward to share but are still entertaining or interesting to talk about! please keep in mind that this is a general reading still, so these aren’t necessarily something unique, just fun! so something that happens to a lot if people, but not everyone. so it’s supposed to show your future spouse’s/soulmate’s unique charm! this reading is intended to make you feel closer to them, to help you realise they are an actual person and not just an idea of a possibility that could happen in your life! <3 I am also sorry for the colour theme for this pac, I admit, I haven’t properly thought it through.

pile one : books

𐙚: 8 of cups,page of cups reversed, three of pentacles, the devil reversed, ace of cups reversed, five of cups, six of wands

bottom of the deck: seven of swords reversed

♡ ⢷ general TMIs

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ the very first thing I would like to mention is that the cards almost formed a big zero, but suddenly the cards fell out in a way they formed the number ‘10’. so this leads me to believe that your person grew up in an environment in which they were bullied for their looks but grew up ‘to be a 10’ because they put in the work to take care of themselves. this could be something some of you will be able to relate over with your person, you two could stay up and share your experiences with one another. the number 10 is significant here in general as well, for some of you their birthday is on the 10th! so the 10th of any month, but the first 4 cards fell out in a way they mirrored one another so I assume there are actually quite a few people here whose spouse was born on October 10th. - or maybe even you, which they find cool. - for a very small amount of you, your person is 10 years older than you. most people in this pile will definitely only have a 1-4 years of age gap with their love, but I am specifically picking up on a few people who will have a 10, or even 10+ year age gap with their lover. don’t be scared though, if you aren’t into it then it’s more than likely not you!

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they could potentially have an anxiety that is related to money! so there is a bigger possibility here that they grew up poor. I realise that there could be people in this pile who can’t relate to that, but regardless I wanted to mention it because it seems to be a part of their life that shaped their personality on a greater scale. they could be more attracted to people - both platonically and romantically - who can appreciate the little things in life, that are grateful for what they have and can take care of it well too. they seem to dislike people who take money for granted, but at the same time they don’t like it if people give too much power to it. it’s just that they wish to surround themselves with humble people who have a lot of gratitude.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they could have great potential to be really successful at life, at whatever they set their mind to and become ambitious towards. however their own doubts could at times stop them from completing tasks at hand that they subconsciously deem as difficult. they know they will be successful, but there is still that doubt at the back of their head that just yells ‘what if’, continuously building up the anxiety inside of them bit by bit. so they are quite the over thinkers, sort of scatter brained because they have thousand of thoughts and they are all going at light speed. - I almost said Godspeed, so they might have this term in their everyday vocabulary. - don’t get them wrong, they are still very disciplined and hardworking, their mind just presents them with several situations so they can be sure to take the right one. for some of you they could even have imposter syndrome.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they have an irregular sleeping schedule! of course, there are many people in this pile so the reason why for the irregular sleep schedule isn’t going to be just one thing. for some it’s insomnia, for another group is hypersomnia and for some people’s soulmate it’s really just because of their work. so you will really just have to wait and see! although I still think they prefer to stay up til late at night and wake up early. - sometimes they don’t even wake up but just continue the day.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ for some of you! they have special interests in different times of history. honestly Egypt and tudor era England is coming in strong! - yeah, typical/basic I know. they can still like it tho, up to them! - but also ancient China and Japan, especially the clothing. honestly, there seems to be a focus on the past. the cultures, fashion and social behaviour that were alive then. it seems to fascinate them how much people have changed yet stayed the same all at once! they just seem to have favourites. - this could be true in general. some of you will definitely have the ‘I hate everyone but you’ trope going on. - regardless they are highly intelligent and always willing to learn and educate themselves in every and any topic. they enjoy knowing things even if they seem useless to others. you can never know when you need to know something.

♡ ⢷ TMIs in love

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they might not be the most experienced when it comes to sexual things. it’s not that they aren’t experienced at all, but they much rather would prefer to control their desires than to give into them and waste time. it’s like they don’t want to do it if it’s not necessary. really hard to turn them on too. this is because… they are demisexual. if you don’t know what that is, it’s basically only being turned on if you are in love with the person you are sharing your experience with! - which no, it’s not normal for everyone! some people are aromantic and bisexual for example. - so they just pick their “battles” really carefully. for some of you they could even have purity ocd </3 that’s only a very selective few of you though!

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ I will be honest with you, they have been seriously in love before.. well, at least what they believe to be love. however, I genuinely can’t tell if they had a relationship or not because they overcomplicate the energy surrounding them and get all sentimental. this has also happened two times, but I am sure the second time they didn’t date.. it’s the first one that they overcomplicate, more than likely due to romanticising the idea of first love. hold on ✋🏻 don’t click off, I know you are annoyed. - rightfully! - this feeling of theirs won’t last forever, as they meet you they will mature and realise that ‘oh, this is what true love actually feels like’. - a channeled thought of theirs! - so by the time they are around they won’t think about that person! 🩶 they are also very single, so that’s that.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they have a tendency to get insecure about themselves sometimes! not their body, I think there are body parts they are very confident in yet humble about. it’s rather about their personality and their being as a whole. they might question if they are good enough to be with you or if they even deserve your love. it’s not that they wonder because they know they don’t, past experiences just left them scarred. they could have been put down a lot mentally, possibly even bullied and told that no one would want to have them anyway.. so that experience just stuck. it makes them wonder if it’s true or not. you know? tries to keep their cool but at the end of the day they are a sensitive soul. very shy too!

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ abandonment issues 🔥 sorry, I thought I would just be straightforward 🫡 they are really scared of being left behind by the people they love. though, it’s not an irrational fear at all to be fair. most people’s spouse/soulmate in this pile has divorced/separated parents. not gonna lie, it could have been the mom that’s left but of course that is personal to everyone’s experience. regardless, they could self sabotage and distance themselves if they believe that you will try to leave them. ‘I will leave before you can ever hurt me’, you know? so they could just need a lot of reassurance! nurturing is fine too, but it could make them embarrassed because they might feel like ‘they need to be stronger than this.’ - to point out, enjoying getting nurtured or giving it is completely fine and nothing you should be ashamed of, I am telling you how your person feels. - I do think they can heal from this habit tho! they are also an introvert. I wasn’t sure how to fit it, but I thought it’s important for someone here to hear it 🫶🏻

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ is interested in feminine people! no, you do not have to wear pink, bows and act like someone you are not. by feminine I mean someone with a gentle nature. kind, sweet, playful, well mannered, caring and a person that’s protective without being overbearing with it. a person with a silent strength. of course they might like it if you have feminine mannerisms too - as in your body language - but they don’t really consciously care about it, it’s a rather subconscious attraction of theirs! they care more for the person’s soul and not the body. - for some of you your person is religious, but I am sure that only applies if you yourself are religious as well! 🩷 - regardless, if you don’t think you embody these don’t worry about it too much. - I fully believe you do, you might just second guess yourself. -

— ✮⋆˙ pink , jang wonyoung , afro hair naturally but currently braided , ginger , shooting star , cosmos , cosmo and wanda , 90s shows , someone here likes niche movies (apes, star wars, kid shows ect.. bluey to be specific) , ‘timmy was an average kid that no one understands’ being stuck in your head , milk being spilled , starting the day of bad , red lipstick , April 4th , old fashion style? like classy 20s - 40s , swim - chase atlantic , smoke but from a candle , Aphrodite worshipper 🫵🏻 , bows but like dyi? on nails , leopard cubs , glamour , merida/brave , bears , a dog named bear ? black but not completely , ‘I got a pocket full of sunshine ‘

pile one, hold on because I got things to say. ✋🏻 I know most of you are girls/women but there are guys/men here that think I forgot them based on my reading style. I did not, the most manly men I have ever met had some sort of feminity to them. I felt your energy the whole time. 🫡 also, I know most of you doubt that I could actually get some of that information out bc ‘oh but you can’t get tmis with tarot’.. baby, I know you saw some other readers not being able to but I can. I am not saying this from a place of arrogance. as long as the person’s higher self is willing to share something with me I can channel it just fine. I am gifted and I WILL use it to help you because you deserve to have help, guidance and most important of all fun. obviously, these tmis are heavier than I expected, but if you wanna know more about your person who am I to stop that? I will channel to the best of my abilities for you 🫡 even tho I know some of you didn’t like some of the tmis and you know what? that’s fair you don’t have to 🤧 take care beautiful don’t let anyone dim your lights that even the sun would be jealous of mwa thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile two : soobin

𐙚: the magician, three of coins, hierophant reversed, the lovers reversed, wheel of fortune, eight of coins reversed, knight of wands

bottom of the deck: ten of pentacles

♡ ⢷ general TMIs

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they seem to be a rather pessimistic person. it’s not that they can’t have fun, it’s just that they are pessimistic without even noticing it you know. the kind of person to say ‘what if we won’t like it?’ when you suggest trying out something new. not bothersome though, could just lead to bickering or non serious fights in their daily life.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ I don’t think this person is an adult yet.. ? as in, I don’t think they are any older than 20. so my best guess is the majority of the people who chose this pile are quite young as well 🫡 if you are an adult tho, it’s just that your person is very child like. it’s not that they are not mature, but they haven’t exactly experienced things yet that would make them view life in a serious manner.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ not that talk active. they talk, but they probably use a lot of slangs as of now and have a rather casual tone when talking with anyone. you know how teenage boys talk? kind of like that. not completely though, I don’t think their vocabulary sounds like brain rot. they know how to speak respectfully to people if that makes sense.. ? like they can let go of the slangs if they want, they just use it to sound more friendly. - or if they are really young they are trying to sound cool. -

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ outside a lot! they are pretty extroverted so they enjoy going outside with their friends, or to work. which is great, they honestly seem very disciplined even though their energy is carefree and young. it’s not that they are not home at all, but being inside all day could overwhelm them a lot.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they more than likely have a fake friend that wants no good for them. they are blissfully unaware of this, but this “friend” seems to be quite manipulative towards them because they enjoy the control that comes with it. :/ - hope they break free from people like this. -

♡ ⢷ TMIs in love

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ has player tendencies. I am saying tendencies because they aren’t very successful with their attempts; although they would like to tell you otherwise lol they are unsuccessful bc at heart they are a lover boy/girl, they just didn’t embrace this part of themselves yet.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ doesn’t believe that there is genuinely someone out there for them. it stems from insecurity but also the fact that they don’t really seem to believe in true love. it’s like they wish it would exist, but in their eyes it does not. you will change this tho!

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ honestly wants to have a big family of their own when they are older and feel ready for it. do you know those kids who say ‘when I will have a family I will have 11 kids so I have a football team’? your person could’ve been like that lol like I don’t think y’all will have that many kids, but you guys will still have a pretty little family.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they might be a really cuddly person! not in public of course, but definitely in private. wants to cuddle with you as much as possible, especially when watching movies together or just chilling. might like the idea of you snuggling into them under their shirt or them doing this to you. - just depends on who is the more masculine one in the relationship. -

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ could honestly be very protective of you. not in a controlling sense, but your person is very brave and knows almost no fears. they will definitely be ready to call out anyone who disrespects you. maybe physically fight as well, but that’s incase you get harassed. probably has fantasies of being a protector. 🫡

— ✮⋆˙ brazil , ‘go ahead and cry’ (song), cold , tan skin , tiktok comment section , jump - p1h , rap songs , nose bleeds , football , sweat on forehead & hair (very specific thing to be attracted to. not judging, clarifying. ) , strawberries on pink shirt , chase ocean , choosing 2 piles (I see you) , hooves? as in hooves on horses , sailors ! , ⚓️ , purple eyeshadow , glittery eyeshadow , someone here is a latina , dandadan (esp the ost) , ‘love of my life’ , horror! , uzumaki by junji ito , book reader 🫵🏻

I am not going to lie to you, I am pretty much a big yapper but your partner was trying to be nonchalant so bad their energy affected what exactly I could say, how and just didn’t want to let me in on much. I think they like the idea of being mysterious so they force it even though they aren’t like that at all. also, I think they have a lot of tendency to lie bc throughout this whole reading their higher self tried to go ahead and lie to me in order to appear more cool and well mannered in front of you. if you are into mature men this is NOT your pile at all, this person is very immature and if they aren’t making you feel good this person isn’t for you my dearest. hopefully in the future I can do a better reading for you! thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile three : eye cream

𐙚: nine of wands rev, four of wands, ten of wands, the empress reversed, ace of wands rev, the hanged man, the sun rev, queen of swords rev

bottom of the deck: queen of coins

♡ ⢷ general TMIs

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ manspreads a lot. it could be that they are comfortable this way or that it’s to assert dominance quitely.. or, you know, just for space. I do feel like the reason is different for everyone, regardless there are many people in this pile who could perhaps find this gross. I understand, it’s not the most pleasant thing to imagine a random person doing.. but your future spouse is your future spouse!

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they might have a tendency to get depressed easily, perhaps they could even have a depression that’s related to a season like winter, or summer. this is different for each person but it’s winter for most people, it could drain their energy and they could feel rather exhausted.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ their view on religions isn’t exactly mature, they view it as limiting and at times they could be disrespectful while completely thinking that they are justified. this doesn’t apply to only christianity, they could think most if not all religions are completely out of touch and could potentially grow their ego by saying that ‘they don’t need religion to be a good person’ while completely missing the point or without bothering to further learn about whatever subject at hand. although I want to point out, this is only the case if you yourself are the same way. for the religious people in this pile - especially if you are muslim - your future spouse still isn’t religious but is very much open to learning and hearing you out. they could potentially have big puppy eyes while smiling as you tell them about your religion, experiences and what they mean to you. there is a little divide in this group when it comes to this matter but I wouldn’t worry much because you attract the kind of people who are pretty much similar to you!

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they don’t have too much creativity to them - no shade - but they are incredibly good at analysing things and media literacy! they might like to take apart scenes in a movie or show or perhaps even notice things other people normally wouldn’t. they have really sharp eyes and are incredibly good at understanding context that can sometimes fly by peoples head. they are quite intelligent and observant, they appreciate it when there is meaning or reason behind things.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they are a foreigner! I cannot tell where they are from, but it’s certainly a different country from yours. the country they are from seems to be known from their climate honestly, much different from what you are used to. for some of you it’s hot, for some it’s cold. for most of you they are from a hot climate and the owner of a tan skin! for the winter lovers, your spouse is from a cold climate! - while you might think I am making this up I am matter of fact just channeling the sort of person you will be pulled and attracted to. -

♡ ⢷ TMIs in love

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ hopeless romantic, their higher self was not able to wait til I get to this point 😭 definitely the sort of person who loves spoiling you rotten with a whole lot of love to give! one of their love languages is words of affirmation 🙂‍↕️ I almost said ‘love of affirmation’ - lmao - so I am pretty sure they will tell you they love you every single day either directly or in their very own way.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they seem very confident on the outside but tend to get very insecure due to past traumas caused by someone that they once loved. they don’t like to be open about this, and they don’t enjoy the vulnerability that comes with it. they don’t like to be pitied but also get sad while recalling the memories. since their feelings are left unresolved there might be a few issues that come up in the relationship between you. they no longer love the person, of course, but they will at times wonder if they are good enough for you, if you love them or you pretend. they seem very scared of betrayal.

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ their type is a rather feminine and submissive person who can still stand up for themselves and be reliable. someone trustworthy, gentle, nurturing and kind hearted. yet, at the same time not really naive. someone wise, intelligent and nurturing. I feel pulled to say a ‘real women’ bc SOMEONE’s future spouse in this pac is very stubborn with mentioning that but for most people in this pile they are bisexual, so I don’t actually want to say that, but I am mentioning it just incase. - If you are a guy do not worry they are obviously a boy kisser my sweetheart - Eitherway, your spouse is very dominant. So that’s that! - Yes even if it’s a woman. -

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they have incredibly high standards. they are picky and they like to choose their partner well. so because of this they are a tad bit inexperienced. not insanely, but they would rather value themselves than to give themselves to someone who can’t see their worth. - their words, not mine. -

᭝ ᨳଓ ՟ they are family oriented, aka you oriented. they are incredibly open minded, understanding, not forceful and will try to be open and accepting even when it’s hard or they don’t exactly understand you or what you are going through. let’s say you start out the relationship wanting a big family but down the line get scared of pregnancy and become unsure if you actually want a big family or not, they will be accepting and try to understand; and if you aren’t ready to talk about it they will wait for you to slowly open up bit by bit no matter how long it takes. they are patient, and they are loving. of course, this was only an example but I figured this would be a good way to show how much your spouse adores and loves you for the person that you are, rather than what you can give them.

— ✮⋆˙songs from your childhood, ‘tell me it’s you’, someone here has a new crush, a drama starring kim soohyun, mbappé, smudged eyeliner, your waterline having some sort of issue? 🧐, painted glittery nails, reddish orange, cracking your fingers, blond - bleached - hair, storm, prominent eyebrows, leia/leila/layla, recently bought yourself clothing, X, pearls - maybe pink ones? -, collecting seashells from a beach/shore, malaysia/indonesia, milky skin, sad puppy eyes by default

alrighty mighty my beautiful pile three I KNOW everyone in this group has read something they perhaps didn’t like but please know it’s because your group is the most diverse one, so many energies came through. either way I hope you could still enjoy this pile 🤧 I would NEVER purposefully say anything to upset any of you. 🩶 thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

[retroaria]

Michael Kaiser. That’s it. That’s the post.

i’m having kaiser thoughts. i’m pondering my orb, and all it’s showing me is michael kaiser. the evil voices in my head (my ask box) are taunting me (sending very nice requests) to sell my soul to michael kaiser (finally write something about him) and so here i am.

summary: random kaiser hc’s (lmk if you want more/nsfw ones)

BLUE LOCK M.LIST | enjoy 🪽 - aria

• thinking about how possessive he would be in a relationship. it isn’t overbearing, in the sense that he trusts you and lets you do you’re own thing. however, he’s a rather insecure man behind all that smug douchebaggery that he puts off and he has a hard time watching you interact with other men of his same stature. because truly, no matter how good he is to you, he isn’t the best person all around. there are guys out there that would be better for you and he can’t help be fear that you’ll be swept off your feet and taken from him.

• Kaiser is gentle with you. you actually turned him into a completely different person. It’s not that you’ve really changed him at his core, but you’ve opened him up to love he didn’t know before, and so he feels like he has nothing to be afraid of with you. he’s vulnerable and expressive and happy with you. he makes sure to provide that same experience for you in the relationship, making sure you always know you can go to him for anything and you don’t have to hide anything from him.

• In the beginning of the relationship, Kaiser is very protective of your privacy. He’s really afraid of the consequences that may come with the world knowing who you are and who you are to him. he’s not naive, he knows there’s bad people out there. not only that, but it’s no one else’s right to know you’re love for each other. i see him doing a soft launch and that’s it. after that he’ll post you on occasion and be a little less aggressive about hiding from paparazzi, but he still doesn’t want to share you. you’re his whole world, keyword HIS.

• kaiser LOVES intimacy. physical or emotional, he loves those sweet loving moments that come to fruition from the trust and bond the two of you have cultivated. he loves showering and taking baths with you, relishing in the gentle touches as the two of you clean each other up. they’re always filled with soft giggles and quick kisses, before drying each other off and snuggling up. he loves listening to you talk about your day, not sparing him from details you may have spared others from. telling him all the thoughts and actions you aren’t proud of, unafraid of being judged in his eyes. the vulnerability of it all makes his heart beat fast, but you’re both so trusting and in love that there’s nothing to be afraid of.

• this might be a hot take, but i feel like the concept of marriage would scare him a bit. it’s not that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with you, because he absolutely does and already plans on it. it’s just a level of commitment that he never thought anyone would dedicate to him. he doesn’t want you to end up regretting it in the future. he doesn’t shy away from conversation about it though, he actually wants you guys to talk about it and get a feel for where you both stand. when the time comes to take that next step, he’s as ready as ever. just make sure you don’t break his heart please (or i’ll find you bro.)

• dates with kaiser can either be extravagant and classy or they can be chill and sweet, he can do both. sometimes he wants to take you to the nicest restaurants he can fine, see you all dolled up looking absolutely stunning for him, and pamper you the entire night. other times he just wants the two of you to do something fun and spontaneous, would take you to a fair and win you all the stuffed animals you want, or would take you on a stroll around the city, letting you frolick through the shops while he holds all your bags for you. he’s such a gentleman either way.

• kaiser loves being domestic with you. doing the laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, making dinner, he loves it. in those moments he finds himself wishing they would last forever, just the two of you existing in each others presence, he has nothing to worry about.

moon divider- @strangergraphics-archive

[squidthusiast]

Ok, but why do I imagine Eight being the unofficial child of Pearl x Marina?

Because I imagine Eight was minding their business and all of a sudden, Pearl would slam the paper down and said “You’re adopted now”

Basically OTH at the start of their world tour haha, I love that they took Eight with them.

I have more detailed thoughts under the cut for those interested in my ramblings, analysis and interpretations of the characters.

Disclaimer: This is my own take on it, don’t let it ruin your fun!

I personally don’t really subscribe to the fandom’s ‘pearlina moms’ headcanon.

On the one hand, I am an absolute sucker for the ‘found family’ trope, and I definitely think Agent 8 and OTH fit in it!

On the other hand, I think people immediately put Pearl and Marina into the ‘parenthood’ box, a little too eagerly. Not saying this specific ask is that, btw, it just reminded me of some instances i’ve seen.

I personally think that the relationship between OTH and Agent 8 is a little more nuanced & sibling-esque, for the following reasons:

1. Within canon, we often see 8 being referred to as a friend by both Pearl and Marina.

Pearl does it more explicitly (see that one interview at her house), whereas with Marina it’s more insinuated (ex. In the Side Order dev diaries, she starts calling Agent 8 as ‘Eight’, which is stated to be a name used by their friends).

Pearl seems to be an accidental-duck-parent of sorts who haphazardly collects octoling teenagers & young musical talent. It goes in line with her whole mentor-esque leader personality, and i’m sure these disoriented teens find relief in an idol who seemingly knows what she’s doing (she really doesn’t).

However she doesn’t act in a parental manner. More-so like your estranged gay cousin who hit it big in another country and is down to show your queer little butt the ropes.

Marina on the other hand seems to have a more empathetic approach with Agent 8 (opposite to Pearl’s brashness). Marina clearly connects with Agent 8 through their shared experience as defected octoling soldiers, and probably sees her younger self in them. She’s already caring as it is, but this is accentuated during octo expansion given the circumstances.

I feel however that, unlike Pearl, Marina has a bit of a harder time actually forming a bond with Eight at the beginning. Their similarities (seemingly) end at their shared experience, and probably leaves Marina awkwardly wondering how to approach them further. What we can assume though is that they become closer friends during OTH’s world tour, given the events described in the Memverse Dev Diaries.

Meeting Eight during difficult circumstances (OE) and helping them get out creates a sense of camaraderie between them, which probably devolves into genuine care, established friendship and a strong bond amongst the three overtime.

2. Pearl and Marina are very career-centric both in Splat 2 and 3.

It is reasonable that the two young idols, who see their fame and musical recognition rise spectacularly & fast, are not particularly interested in settling down at this point in their lives.

Now entering her late 20s, Pearl is most definitely still interested in keeping the ball rolling with Off the Hook’s international success. Her character often points towards restlessness, freedom and discovery. There has definitely been character development in regards to her maturity in Splatoon 3, but these aforementioned traits are still ever present in her demeanour & decision-making.

Marina on the other hand can be seen slowly blossoming from a supporting character to being her own person. She definitely develops more self-confidence by Splatoon 3, but is still naturally bashful. It’s clear that she is allowing herself to explore & open up to new things for her own sake. She remains a caring and somewhat nurturing individual, but she is at a stage where she’s learning to live for herself and not for others.

Parenthood (and all the responsibilities and sacrifices it entails) at this moment of their lives would probably freak Pearl out, and stunt Marina’s personal growth.

3. The age gaps between OTH and Agent 8 are too close for it to create a parent/kid bond.

This makes their relationship a little hazy in regards to roles; 8 is still young enough that they may seek out rolemodels and mentors (still relatively influenceable), but they’re also nearing their 20s. By this point they are fairly self sufficient, have a sense of their personal values & identity, and they are relatively responsible & mature.

Pearl and Marina are 8’s seniors by approximately 4-6 years. However, in Splatoon 2 they’re entering their early 20s and their career has just begun to take off.

They are both still relatively youngsters, albeit older & more mature(? glancing at Pearl) youngsters than 8. This places them in a position where they can guide 8 and offer certain support and resources, but lack the maturity and experience of a full-fledged adult. This would approximate their relationship closer to that of siblings in a family setting.

Pearl & Marina are also less likely to feel a duty towards Eight as an adult would with a child. Instead, the latter’s circumstances are more likely to incite feelings of rapport and compassion as a fellow young inkfish.

Now, with all of this said, I will acknowledge that friendship/found family is MUCH more nuanced than a strict binary.

From personal experience in my last years of college, I did find myself caring for my fellow freshmen as though they were my kids, in certain ways. Hell, I called them my kids.

I acted as a proud parent whenever some of them achieved something, attempted to pass down my knowledge to them, and was protective of them to a certain extent.

They also annoyed me sometimes, like younger people do haha. And i’m sure I annoyed them too!

So I wouldn’t put it past OTH to call Eight their kid and have this mentor/parent-esque rapport with them in certain circumstances.

This is all based both on canon & my own interpretations of it, but still closely aligned to what has been shown in-game.

So if you have a different interpretation of Agent 8 and OTH, that’s great! I love to see people’s personal headcanons. Ultimately, Agent 8 is meant to be somewhat of a blank slate for the players to mold, with some hinted-at personality traits of their own.

As long as you have fun with these characters, that’s all that matters. This is just my personal opinion on their relationship in-game.

If you read all of this, you deserve the biggest golden star for listening to my incessant yapping 🤲⭐️

Feel free to bother me about this or other opinions you may have in my inbox, just be kind please!

[halfmoonaria]

what i can’t say

pairing: tara carpenter & female reader

summary: tara wants the only person she can’t have, but she’ll do whatever it takes to change that —even if it means risking everything.

word count: 10.7k

author’s note: yall don’t forget to wish me a happy birthday this friday on the 22nd!

Tara wasn't used to hearing the word "no."

Growing up, she'd mastered the art of getting exactly what she wanted, whether it was a toy, a treat, or just a little more attention.

All it took was a well-timed look, a hint of a pout, or a small scene in a public place—not that she ever felt bad about it. After all, it always worked, and it always felt worth it.

But more than any toy or treat, Tara always seemed to have what she wanted most: you.

Her best friend since... well, since you both were small enough to think scraped knees were the end of the world. You'd been there from the start, the friend who laughed with her, who stood by her through every phase and whim.

Tara didn't have to beg or throw a fit to keep you close. You just were. It was like you were woven into each other's lives, and if anyone asked, she'd say you'd always be there—like you were something she'd managed to keep just for herself.

If anyone asked, Tara couldn't quite recall a time before you.

You were there in every memory that mattered, the friend who understood her quirks, finished her sentences, and knew every dream she'd ever had.

You were inseparable, not just in the way kids cling to each other, but in the way people do when they know they'll never quite find someone who gets them like this again.

You shared everything with your clothes, midnight snacks, and every embarrassing crush you'd ever had.

You laughed together about the silly things you thought were love back then, sharing conversations about who you'd marry someday and who had the best smile.

Although. Tara was always a little quieter during these talks, listening more than sharing, and you never thought much of it. That was just Tara, after all, always keeping a bit of herself back, tucked away in her own mind.

But when it came to your middle school crush, she never missed a chance to tease you, brushing him off as if he wasn't as special as you seemed to think.

She'd laugh and tell you he wasn't as funny as you made him out to be, or that his smile really wasn't anything to write home about.

To you, it was just typical Tara, always finding a way to poke holes in the things you liked.

You didn't notice how her smile faltered when you gushed over him or how her gaze turned a little sharper, though even she didn't fully understand why.

It left her with an uneasy feeling, the kind she could never quite explain, that made her want to change the subject whenever she could.

And as time passed during this time, it seemed like your crush only grew, and so did the way you talked about him.

No matter how many times Tara brushed off your comments or tried to steer the conversation elsewhere, you still lit up whenever his name came up.

Brian.

Brian slipped into conversations almost daily, whether it was about the way he made everyone laugh in class or how he'd held the door for you that morning. And each time you brought him up, Tara felt a pang of irritation she couldn't quite explain.

She never told you how much she despised Brian, but the feeling ran deep. It gnawed at her whenever you mentioned him, and even though she tried to brush it off, she found herself disliking him more and more.

The worst part was, she couldn't understand why. It wasn't like you weren't allowed to like a boy—that was just part of life, after all.

Whenever she hinted at her frustration with her mom, she'd hear the same thing: it was normal, fun even, to have a crush, and Tara would experience it too someday.

But she hadn't. She'd never felt that way about any boy in your grade, no matter how many times she tried to convince herself she should.

It confused her, and in a way, it confused you too. You'd always laughed off the fact that Tara never seemed to "crush" the way you did, teasing her about how she'd figure it out someday.

But whenever you'd gush over Brian, Tara would just sit quietly, trying to ignore the strange knot in her stomach that seemed to tighten with every word you said.

Time went on, and those middle school crushes never quite faded.

Brian only seemed to grow more attractive, transitioning from the shy boy you liked to someone who was effortlessly charming, with a confidence that made everyone notice him.

Back then, you'd have called him "cute," but now, there were new words—hot, gorgeous—terms that made Tara roll her eyes every time they left your mouth.

But you still felt that rush of excitement when he was around, that same giddiness you'd had since you were ten, only now it felt a little more real.

Tara, on the other hand, hadn't changed much when it came to relationships.

While others around you both dated, broke up, and fell in love, she stayed quietly distant, brushing off questions and teasing about why she never seemed interested in anyone.

The truth was, she didn't really know why herself. There was a part of her that felt left out when you gushed about Brian, when your other friends talked about crushes or brought dates to dances. She tried to tell herself that she just wasn't interested yet, that maybe someday she'd feel what everyone else seemed to.

But as the years went by, Tara started to realize that maybe she was different—and she couldn't shake the strange sense of frustration that came with that realization, especially whenever Brian was mentioned.

Somewhere along the way, as high school turned into something more serious, so did her thoughts about you.

Tara didn't want to admit it at first—not to herself, not to anyone. The idea crept up quietly, unexpected and unwanted, like some shadow she couldn't shake.

The way you'd laugh at something silly, the familiar warmth of your hand in hers, or the way her heart would skip when you'd throw an arm around her shoulders. It all made sense now, but it was a sense she desperately didn't want.

When the realization hit her, it was like she couldn't breathe.

There was this tiny voice in her mind that whispered, almost cruelly, You're in love with her. Tara's immediate reaction was to shut it down, to deny it with everything she had. This couldn't be right. She wasn't in love with you.

That wasn't what best friends did. She told herself she was just confused, that maybe it was normal to feel this strongly about someone you'd known your entire life.

But every time she saw you look at Brian—every time you said his name with that sparkle in your eyes—it felt like a punch to the gut, and there was no denying it anymore.

The more she tried to reason with herself, the clearer it became. And that terrified her.

She couldn't let herself feel this way about you. You were her best friend, the person who knew her better than anyone else.

The idea of telling you—of you finding out and looking at her with pity, or worse, disgust—made her stomach twist. She could already imagine the awkward smile, the way you might back away, laugh it off, or even leave her behind. It would shatter her, and she knew that.

And so, she decided then and there that this secret would stay with her.

She'd lock it away, bury it so deep that even she could forget about it someday. Telling anyone—even her parents—wasn't an option.

Not only did she fear their reaction, but she knew they wouldn't understand. To them, you were her friend, nothing more, and the thought of losing you, or of anyone making her feel like her love was wrong, was enough to keep her quiet.

But keeping quiet wasn't easy. The secret felt like it was burning a hole through her, consuming her thoughts and leaving her frustrated in ways she couldn't explain.

She wanted to be around you, but every moment with you felt like a reminder of what she could never have, and it only made the ache grow stronger.

She was angry, scared, and hopelessly in love with the one person she could never tell.

So she became skilled at hiding the depth of her feelings, putting on a mask that had somehow become part of her daily life.

She played her role well, acting like nothing had changed between you both.

At school, she kept her gaze casual, listening to you talk as if she didn't want to lose herself in the way your lips moved.

During sleepovers, she'd lie next to you, forcing herself to focus on anything but the warmth of your arm just inches from hers.

And at parties, now that you were both old enough to go, she'd laugh and dance alongside you, all while pretending her stomach wasn't in knots from the way you looked at her under dim lights, a playful grin lighting up your face.

It was like living with a constant tug-of-war inside her, balancing between wanting to be near you and needing to keep her heart steady.

She'd perfected the art of nonchalance, even when you made it nearly impossible. When you got excited about something—eyes wide, laughing about some small victory—Tara would have to swallow down the urge to reach out, to brush a strand of hair from your face or lean in just a little closer.

The hardest moments were the little things, the 'normal' things, like when you'd give her an easy, carefree compliment, your eyes warm and sincere.

She'd feel the blush rise to her cheeks, and she'd quickly look away or laugh it off, hoping you didn't notice the way her voice wavered.

And when you held her hands, like you always did, squeezing them to give her a little boost of courage, she'd act as though it didn't send her heart racing, as though she wasn't fighting the impulse to hold on tighter.

Every smile you threw her way, every moment you lingered too close, she had to act like it didn't make her insides flip.

She trained herself to respond with that same easy smile, to pretend she didn't feel like the air had been knocked out of her whenever you looked at her like she was the only one in the room.

It was a constant game of pretending, a battle against herself that she had to win every single day.

And as much as she tried to hide it, each touch, each laugh, each simple, familiar look left her more tangled in her own emotions.

She tried to tell herself that these things were just... normal. Friends did these things all the time, she told herself, even if everything in her felt far from normal.

But no matter how many times she told herself that, her resolve was starting to crack. She couldn't help but notice her jealousy flare up when she saw you talking to other people, especially Brian.

Then, one Tuesday at lunch, you dropped a bombshell that flipped her world just a bit more.

She leaned back, half-focused on your conversation with the others at the table, when she saw you walking toward her with a grin so bright it felt like it could light up the whole room.

Tara felt her heart jump at the sight, her thoughts immediately swept into the excitement that was clearly radiating off of you.

You barely took your seat before bursting with excitement. "Tara!"

Tara's smile matched yours, though a part of her already felt a small pang of unease. But she pushed it aside and leaned in eagerly, mirroring your excitement. "What happened?"

You practically glowed as you told her, "He sat next to me in class today." Tara's chest tightened, but she held her expression steady, keeping that casual, easy smile.

She already knew who you meant—you didn't even have to say his name. It was in the way your voice softened, how your eyes sparkled with excitement she rarely saw except when you were really, really happy.

She couldn't stand the sight of it. Seeing you so... in love, so giddy, felt like a punch she wasn't ready for.

You practically glowed, your whole personality seeming to shift as if you were that younger version of yourself again, like back in middle school when every new crush filled you with wide-eyed excitement.

Except now, it wasn't an innocent schoolgirl crush; it was real, and you were already slipping further from her reach with each passing second.

Tara kept smiling, but inside, every bit of her was tangled up in knots.

You'd never look at her like that. Never talk about her with that bubbly, uncontainable happiness. The thought clawed at her, a reminder she could never push away.

She was your best friend, sure, but she'd never be the person who made your cheeks flush or your heart race. And somehow, knowing that made it even harder to keep that same easy smile on her face.

"And?" she asked, hoping her voice didn't betray her, even as she felt a knot forming. She listened as you recounted every word, every laugh you'd shared with him in that class.

Then you dropped the real news, your eyes sparkling. Your grin only widened. "And then, right before class ended, he asked me to go with him to that party next weekend."

Tara's heart sank, yet she barely let the smile slip. She forced herself to open her mouth in surprise, eyes wide, like she was just as thrilled as you were. "Really?" she said, trying to sound as shocked and happy as you seemed, her voice just a bit too bright. "Did you... did you say yes?"

Of course you did. Tara felt stupid for even considering asking you that question.

But you didn't seem to mind, you just nodded eagerly, your whole face lighting up. "Obviously!"

"Oh, wow. That's... that's great, actually," she said, her voice a little too steady, but it was the best she could manage.

Inside, though, she was unraveling. You were actually going with him. It shouldn't have been such a shock—after all, this was what you wanted, right?

But knowing that you'd be there, dressed up, all smiles and laughter... with him... felt like a lead weight sinking in her chest.

She could already picture it, the two of you in some dimly lit room with music thumping, Ethan leaning in close to say something to make you laugh, you smiling up at him like he was the only person in the world.

The thought of it made her throat tighten, her mind racing with feelings she didn't even want to name.

"Are you excited?" she asked, her voice coming out just barely above a whisper. She hoped you wouldn't notice how strained it sounded, how much effort it took just to ask.

You nodded, your smile impossibly bright. "Yeah, I mean... I didn't think he even noticed me like that, you know? But now... maybe he does."

The way you said it—hopeful, almost in disbelief—cut deeper than she wanted to admit. Maybe he does. Those three words stayed in her head, echoing louder with each second.

She was supposed to be happy for you, and maybe part of her was, but mostly, she just felt hollow.

Because even though you'd never know it, she'd been looking at you the way you were looking at him, longing for that same chance to mean something more to you. And now she was faced with the awful reality that she might never get that chance.

Swallowing down the bitterness, she forced a tight-lipped smile. "You'll have a great time, I'm sure."

But even as she said it, a part of her was already wondering if she'd do something she'd regret. The thought of watching you fall for someone else—someone who wasn't her—was more than she could stand.

And as much as she hated to admit it, she knew she'd do almost anything to keep you from slipping away.

Your eyes brightened again. "You should come with us!"

Tara's heart twisted at the invitation, feeling both flattered and devastated. Of course you'd want her there, being the good friend you were—unaware of what it did to her to see you light up over someone else.

Forcing herself to stay casual, she shrugged, managing a small playful smirk. "I'm not exactly great at third-wheeling."

Her voice sounded steady enough, but inside, it felt like she was clinging to the last threads of composure.

She couldn't stand the thought of watching you fall for him right in front of her, yet the idea of saying no, of letting you go without her... that hurt, too.

Maybe if she was there, she could stop whatever was beginning to grow between you and him. Just maybe, she thought, she'd find a way to keep you by her side, where you'd always belonged.

Her mind spun, the smile on her face frozen, all she could focus on was the sinking realization that she might actually lose you.

Until now, she'd convinced herself that her feelings for you were something she could handle, something she'd eventually learn to live with. But now, with Brian's name hanging between you, that quiet acceptance shattered.

She could see the way this might unfold, each painful step already clear in her mind.

She'd watched enough romance movies to know how these things went, and as much as she wanted to push the thoughts away, they crept in, vivid and unrelenting.

First, you'd go to the party together, and maybe he'd make you laugh so much that you'd find yourself leaning in, your hand brushing his.

She could already picture the two of you on future dates—sharing secrets over a quiet dinner or standing too close on some sidewalk, your face lit up in a way that made her stomach twist with envy.

And worse, she could imagine what might happen after those dates, how one day soon he'd reach for your hand, and you wouldn't hesitate to hold his back.

She didn't want to picture it, but the thought seeped into her mind anyway, filling her with a fierce, unfamiliar ache.

The image of you wrapped up in his arms, whispering into his ear, or—even worse—laughing with that same joy you always shared with her, but this time meant for him, made her chest feel hollow.

The thought kept spiraling, her mind betraying her with scenes she couldn't bear to picture.

You, with Brian, alone, closer than she'd ever be, maybe even leaning in for a kiss.

She imagined his hand brushing your cheek, the two of you getting so lost in each other that you forgot everyone else around you—including her.

The jealousy was sharp, hotter than anything she'd felt before.

She hated the way it took over, the way it made her feel small and powerless, like she was losing something that had never even been hers to begin with.

And then, a terrible, aching thought hit her: she might never get to be close to you in that way.

She might never get to be the person who held you, who kissed you, who made you laugh like that.

It wasn't just about watching you fall for someone else—it was the crushing realization that you might never look at her the way you looked at him.

Maybe it would be better if she came along?

The idea took a root in Tara's mind, an unexpected, half-formed plan that both excited and unsettled her.

If she went to the party with you and Brian, it might give her a chance to keep things from moving forward between you two.

She could play it off as tagging along to "keep an eye" on you, to make sure you had fun—and stay close enough to step in if Brian tried anything. It was risky, maybe even a little desperate, but what choice did she have?

At least if she was there, she'd know exactly what was happening. She wouldn't have to lie awake later, imagining him whispering things in your ear, pulling you close, stealing the attention she wanted only for herself.

She could keep you safe from all that, and maybe, if she was careful enough, find subtle ways to draw your attention back to her, where it belonged.

In her mind, it sounded almost justified. A "protective friend" sticking close to make sure you were all right. But the truth simmered beneath that excuse—she knew this was more than friendship, that she wanted to keep you to herself in ways you might never understand.

If Brian was going to try to win you over, he'd have to do it with her there, watching his every move, ready to swoop in the second things started looking too cozy.

And maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to make sure that night ended with you still hers—still looking at her with that easy, trusting smile that had always been her anchor.

Her chest tightened at the thought of it, the chance to stay close to you a little longer, to stave off the reality she dreaded.

If you didn't have the chance to fall for him—if she could prevent that—maybe she'd finally have the time and courage to make you see her the way she saw you.

You nudged her lightly, snapping Tara out of her thoughts, leaning in with that familiar, hopeful smile that always made it so hard to say no to you. "Come on, Tara. It'll be fun—just this once. Please?"

Tara's chest tightened at the way you looked at her, like her answer actually mattered to you. It made something inside her ache, the way your face lit up with excitement, completely oblivious to the storm brewing in her mind.

She should've said no. She wanted to say no.

But the thought of watching you leave without her—without knowing what might happen between you and Brian—made her stomach twist painfully.

And now, thanks to the idea she'd let herself entertain earlier, the thought of staying home didn't feel like an option anymore.

That plan, desperate and reckless as it was, had already taken root, and no matter how much a small part of her whispered it wasn't right, she couldn't let it go.

What if she stayed behind and missed her chance to stop something from blossoming between the two of you? What if she sat in her room, alone, while you fell for him right in front of everyone? The mere idea made her skin crawl.

But going wasn't any better. If she went, she'd have to watch you fawn over him, maybe even see you with him. And that thought was enough to make her want to bolt from the room. Yet here you were, looking at her like her presence actually mattered.

But why? Did you think she needed convincing, or was there some part of you that truly wanted her by your side? Her stomach churned at the thought.

She hesitated, her fingers brushing the hem of her shirt as she tried to keep her expression neutral. If she said no, you'd go without her, and that stung more than she wanted to admit. But if she said yes...

Her mind spun with the possibilities. She didn't even know what she'd do if she went—how far she was willing to take this twisted plan of hers. But what she did know, with a growing certainty, was that she couldn't stay behind. Not when the thought of Brian pulling you closer was enough to make her chest burn with jealousy.

Your face shifted slightly, your brows knitting together when she didn't answer right away.

"Tara," you pressed gently, your voice dipping into that teasing tone you always used when you were trying to coax her into something. "Come on," you pressed again, your grin widening when she hesitated. "You have to come. It won't be the same without you."

It won't be the same without you.

Those words sealed it, though not in the way you meant them to. Something twisted and desperate bloomed in her chest, making her pulse quicken.

You didn't even realize it, but you were giving her exactly what she wanted: a reason to stay close. A reason to be where she could see you—and control what happened between you and Brian.

"Fine," she said at last, forcing a smirk that didn't quite reach her eyes. "But don't complain when I tell you it sucks."

The way your entire face lit up at her answer sent an ache through her chest. Her stomach fluttered against her will, a mix of longing and guilt tangling together in a way that made it hard to breathe. She hated how much it affected her, how happy you seemed just because she'd agreed to go.

She looked away quickly, pretending to focus on something across the room, anything to avoid the way your joy sent another wave of guilt and longing through her.

She knew it wasn't right—none of this was. But she couldn't let it go. Not when her plan had already started to take shape. Not when the thought of Brian having you was enough to make her reckless.

Because no matter how hard she tried to tell herself this was just a party, just a stupid night out, deep down, she knew she wasn't going for the music or the fun.

She was going because if Brian thought he was going to win you over tonight, he was dead wrong.

___

"What about this one?"

Tara looked up from where she was sitting on the edge of your bed, her gaze drawn to the shimmering fabric you held up against yourself. It was a short, fitted dress, one you'd clearly been saving for a moment like this.

The way Tara sat there, watching you flit around the room, sifting through piles of clothes you'd pulled from your closet.

It reminded her of when you were younger, back when the two of you would raid your moms' closets, parading around in oversized heels and dresses that pooled around your feet. You'd giggle uncontrollably, striking exaggerated poses in front of the mirror.

But this wasn't dress-up anymore.

Now, the clothes were your own—real, grown-up outfits that fit you perfectly, accentuating curves and edges Tara wasn't sure she was supposed to notice. It wasn't just playtime; this was your life now. And tonight, you weren't dressing up for laughs or pretend tea parties.

You were dressing up for him.

Her eyes flickered briefly over the dress before settling on your face. You were beaming, the excitement practically radiating off you as you turned to the mirror, holding the dress against your body.

She should've said something. A simple "looks great" or even a teasing "a bit much, don't you think?" would've worked, but the words caught in her throat.

It wasn't the dress—it was the way your whole body hummed with energy, the way your smile was just a little too wide, your movements a little too quick. Tara saw it all, and it was like watching you wear your feelings on your sleeve.

The way you twirled the dress in front of the mirror, the way your hands moved restlessly as you smoothed down imaginary creases—it was all too familiar. She knew exactly what you were feeling, even if you didn't say it out loud.

Did Brian? She doubted it.

He didn't know the little things, like how your voice got higher when you were nervous or how you couldn't stand still when you were excited. He didn't know the way your lips pressed together when you were thinking too hard about something or the way your shoulders tensed when you wanted something to go perfectly.

He didn't know you, not like she did.

"What do you think?" you asked again, snapping her out of her thoughts. You turned, holding the dress out at arm's length, giving her a better look. "Too much? Not enough?"

Tara forced a smile, her heart twisting as she watched you. "I think it's... nice," she said carefully, her voice steady even as her stomach churned.

Nice. The word felt like a betrayal. It didn't come close to how she really felt—how beautiful you looked, how much she wished those bright eyes were sparkling for her instead of someone else.

"You think Brian'll like it?" you asked, your tone innocent, but the question struck Tara like a punch.

She swallowed hard, her fingers curling into the fabric of your comforter. She wanted to tell you Brian didn't deserve you, that he wouldn't know how to appreciate all the little things that made you you. But instead, she kept her tone casual, masking the storm inside her.

"I mean... yeah," she said after a pause. "It's hard not to like you in anything."

Your grin widened, lighting up the room in a way that made her stomach flutter. You didn't notice the tightness in her smile, the way her eyes lingered on you for just a second too long.

"You're the best." you said, turning back to the mirror.

Tara's chest tightened, a quiet ache settling beneath her ribs. She glanced away, forcing a small smile as she leaned back on her hands.

She let her fingers dug slightly into the comforter as she watched you move across the room again, this time heading toward your closet. You sifted through the hangers with an almost frantic energy, pulling out one piece of clothing after another until something caught your eye.

"This," you announced, holding up a sleek black skirt and a tiny top with delicate lace accents.

Tara blinked, her focus shifting from the faint hum of her own thoughts to the outfit in your hands. The skirt was just short enough to grab attention, and the top would clung to the curves in all the right places—your curves, she couldn't help but think.

Her stomach twisted again, but not with the same bitterness from earlier. No, this was something else entirely. She couldn't stop herself from picturing you in it, couldn't stop the way her mind immediately conjured the image of you standing there, all done up, looking effortlessly hot and completely out of her reach.

She swallowed hard, tearing her gaze away. "You're not wearing the dress?" she asked, her voice steadier than she felt.

"Oh, I am," you replied with a grin, holding the outfit closer to her. "This is for you!"

Tara froze. For a moment, she forgot how to breathe, her chest tightening as your words sank in.

She had been so caught up in watching you, so wrapped up in her own spiral of emotions, that she had momentarily forgotten she was actually going to this party.

"Me?" she echoed, her brows furrowing slightly as she tried to act like the idea of dressing up didn't make her stomach drop.

You laughed softly, stepping closer to hold the outfit up against her frame. "Yeah, you! Come on, Tara, you can't just wear that." You half-pointed to her attire.

Tara's eyes darted to the mirror, catching a glimpse of herself in her usual hoodie and jeans.

She had planned on blending into the background tonight, just another shadow in the corner, but now you were holding out a version of herself she wasn't sure she wanted to confront.

"It's... a little much, don't you think?" she murmured, her fingers brushing over the fabric.

"Not at all," you said, undeterred. "Trust me, you'll look amazing.

The way you looked at her, so excited, so hopeful, made it impossible for her to argue. The truth was, she didn't want to blend into the background—not really. Not if it meant letting Brian win.

"Alright," she said finally, forcing a small smirk as she reached for the outfit.

You grinned, clearly thrilled, and the sight sent her heart fluttering all over again.

As she stood up to take the clothes in you, the weight of the night ahead settled on her shoulders again. She knew this wasn't about the clothes or the party. It was about you—about keeping you close, about holding onto the part of you that still felt like hers, even if it wasn't.

And as much as she hated to admit it, she was willing to do whatever it took to keep it that way.

Tara pulled the clothes from your hands, her fingers brushing yours for just a second longer than necessary before she turned away.

She hesitated only briefly, her eyes darting to the bathroom door, but then she decided against it. It wasn't like this was anything new. You'd seen her change plenty of times before.

Slipping off her hoodie, she pulled the top over her head, the soft lace brushing against her skin in a way that felt oddly delicate, almost foreign.

The skirt followed, the fabric snug around her waist and flaring slightly at her hips. When she finally turned back toward you, she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

It was strange. She didn't recognize the girl staring back at her right away—not entirely. The clothes fit her so well, so effortlessly, that she felt a flicker of something unexpected: pride.

She looked... pretty. Not in the same way you did, with your radiant energy that drew everyone in, but still. Pretty enough.

Her heart jumped a little at the thought of you seeing her like this, of you noticing her in the way she always noticed you. She didn't know why she wanted that so badly, but the hope curled tightly in her chest, warm and persistent.

You looked up from where you'd been smoothing out your own dress, and your reaction was immediate. Your eyes widened slightly, and then your face lit up in that effortless way that always made her stomach flutter.

"Tara, oh my god, you look so good," you said, your voice soft but genuine, carrying none of the over-the-top excitement you sometimes used when joking around. This was real.

Tara felt her cheeks warm under your gaze, her fingers automatically reaching to adjust the hem of the skirt, as if she could somehow shield herself from the weight of your words. She tried to play it off, shrugging casually. "It's just a skirt," she mumbled, but her voice lacked its usual bite.

"It's not just a skirt," you countered, stepping closer. "You look amazing. Seriously, this is perfect for you."

Your words were kind, almost too kind, and Tara wasn't sure how to process them. There was no teasing, no playful edge, just an earnestness that made her chest feel tight and achy.

She glanced away, pretending to focus on her reflection again, but the warmth of your approval lingered, sinking into her skin like the lace of the top.

She wanted to feel good about it, to let herself bask in the way you saw her, but the nagging thought that this wasn't for her—that it was all part of your excitement for Brian—kept her grounded.

Still, the way you smiled at her, so unreserved and so entirely you, made her feel something she hadn't in a long time: seen. She wished, just for a second, that you were saying all of this for the same reason she wished you would.

You spun on your heel, nearly tripping over the pile of discarded clothes strewn across the floor in your excitement. Tara's breath caught for a second, her hand twitching instinctively like she was about to reach for you, but you caught yourself, laughing it off as if nothing had happened.

"You need to clean your room before someone gets hurt," Tara muttered, though her tone held more amusement than annoyance.

You ignored her, too caught up in the moment as you reached your makeup table, rifling through your collection with a kind of chaotic precision.

Pulling out a palette, you held it up, the colors catching the light as you grinned at her. "What do you think? Want me to do your makeup?"

Your voice was so full of unfiltered excitement, your smile so wide it made her stomach flip. Tara hesitated, her fingers brushing the hem of her skirt as she glanced at the palette in your hands. She wasn't really the makeup type—not like you were—but the way you looked at her, like you were just waiting to make her feel special, made it impossible to say no.

"You don't have to," Tara said finally, though her voice lacked conviction.

"I want to!" you insisted, stepping closer, the palette still in hand. "Please, Tara? I promise I'll keep it simple. Just a little something to go with the outfit."

She sighed, feigning reluctance as she sat back down on the edge of the bed. "Fine."

You grabbed a chair and pulled it in front of her, gesturing for her to sit. "Alright, let's make you even more stunning."

Tara rolled her eyes, though the faintest smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she leaned forward.

___

The buzz of the party hit you as soon as you stepped through the door.

Music pulsed through the house, the bass vibrating in your chest as voices overlapped in a cacophony of laughter and shouted greetings.

People crowded the space—groups gathered near the kitchen, couples pressed close against walls, and a few brave souls danced in the living room, already letting loose despite how early it was in the night.

You glanced over at Tara, catching the way her shoulders stiffened slightly as the noise and energy enveloped her. She'd been quiet on the drive over, her fingers drumming against her thigh in a way that let you know her nerves were kicking in. But she'd never admit that, not to you.

"See?" you said brightly, bumping her shoulder with yours as you stepped further into the house. "I told you this would be fun."

Tara gave you a look, one that was half-skepticism and half-amusement, as she tugged at the hem of her skirt. "Yeah, we'll see about that."

Your laugh was warm and easy, a sound that somehow made the chaos of the party seem less overwhelming. You reached back to grab her hand, pulling her through the crowd as you made your way toward the kitchen. The feel of your fingers around hers made something in Tara's chest twist uncomfortably, though she forced herself to ignore it.

The kitchen was just as packed as the rest of the house, but you managed to snag two drinks from the counter, handing one to her with a grin. "Alright, party rule number one: stay hydrated."

Tara raised an eyebrow, glancing at the cup in her hand. "This is definitely not water."

"Details." You waved her off, your playful smirk making her stomach flutter in that maddeningly familiar way.

Before she could respond, a voice called out from across the room. "Y/N! There you are!"

Tara's grip on her cup tightened as she followed your gaze, her stomach sinking when she saw him—Brian—making his way toward you. His smile was wide and easy, the kind of grin that would make anyone else swoon.

But Tara wasn't anyone else.

"Brian!" you said, your face lighting up in a way that made Tara's chest ache. She stepped back slightly, letting go of your hand as he drew closer, though her eyes never left you.

He didn't deserve that smile.

Brian's gaze flickered to her briefly, his smile faltering just a bit. "Tara, right?"

She nodded, her expression neutral as she took a sip of her drink. "That's me."

If he noticed the edge in her tone, he didn't comment on it, turning his attention back to you instead. "You look amazing," he said, his eyes raking over your dress in a way that made Tara's jaw tighten.

You beamed at him, clearly pleased by the compliment, and Tara had to look away, her hand gripping her cup so tightly she was surprised it didn't crack.

This was going to be a long night.

And it most definitely was.

As the night went on, the party only grew louder and more chaotic. People drifted in and out of the circle you, Tara, and Brian had settled into, friends of his joining the conversation with easy smiles and casual jokes.

You made a genuine effort to include Tara, always pulling her back in when she started to fade into the background, but it was clear who held your focus.

Brian.

He stood close to you, his arm brushing yours as he leaned in to talk over the music.

You didn't seem to notice—or maybe you did, and you didn't mind. Either way, the proximity between you two only seemed to grow as the minutes ticked by, and Tara couldn't stop watching.

Every time you laughed at something he said, her chest tightened just a little more.

You weren't doing it on purpose. Tara knew that. She knew you didn't notice the way her jaw clenched or how her fingers drummed against her cup.

You were just being you—kind, bubbly, and effortlessly charming. But watching you with Brian, seeing how much of your attention he was soaking up, felt like a slow, relentless sting.

She hadn't expected it to bother her this much.

At first, Tara tried to play along, chiming in when she could and taking small sips of her drink to distract herself.

But then Brian's friends started joining the conversation, their loud energy making it harder for her to keep up. You were still trying to include her, turning to her every so often to ask her opinion or flash her one of your brilliant smiles, but it wasn't enough.

Not when you lit up like a damn firework every time Brian said something that made you laugh.

Tara tipped back her cup, finishing it quicker than she probably should have. She wasn't much of a drinker to begin with—she never really liked how it made her feel—but tonight was different. Tonight, she needed the edge taken off.

"Want another?" you asked, noticing her empty cup.

She hesitated, but before she could respond, Brian offered. "I'll grab her one. Be right back."

She opened her mouth to say she didn't need another, but he was already walking away.

You smiled after him before turning back to Tara, your expression so full of effortless warmth it made her stomach churn. "You having fun?"

She forced a small nod, her grip tightening on the plastic cup. "Yeah. It's... fine."

You didn't notice the strain in her voice, too caught up in the energy of the party to catch on.

By the time Brian returned with her drink, she'd already decided she wasn't going to overthink it. She took it with a quiet "thanks" and drank just enough to feel the buzz set in. It wasn't much—maybe two drinks total—but Tara was short, and she always felt the effects quicker than most.

The alcohol didn't drown out her frustration, though.

Every laugh you gave Brian, every time you leaned in to whisper something to him, only seemed to magnify it.

And you? You were oblivious. Still trying to keep her in the conversation, pulling her in with the same ease you always had. But she could feel the gap widening.

Tara's foot tapped against the floor as she shifted her weight, her eyes flickering between you and Brian. She should've left, should've wandered off to another part of the house to escape this torturous little triangle, but she stayed.

Because if she left, she'd have to admit to herself why she couldn't handle this.

So instead, she took another sip of her drink and plastered on a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"You okay?" you asked, your voice cutting through her thoughts.

"Yeah," she said quickly, her words sharper than she intended. "I'm fine."

But she wasn't. And as the night wore on, that became harder and harder to hide.

And after an hour, or maybe even more.

The alcohol was definitely working its way through Tara's veins. She could feel it, the familiar warmth spreading through her chest, making her limbs feel looser but her thoughts louder.

The edges of the room blurred ever so slightly, but her focus on you was sharp as ever, almost painfully so.

You were giggling at something Brian said again, your hand brushing his arm like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Tara had been watching you both like a hawk all night, trying to play it cool, but the subtle touches, the shared smiles, the way your eyes sparkled when you looked at him—it was getting under her skin.

She clenched her jaw, tipping back the rest of her drink as if it might drown out the frustration bubbling inside her. But it didn't.

It wasn't just the alcohol making her feel reckless, though it didn't help. Tara was desperate.

Desperate to do something—anything—that might shift the balance back in her favor. But how? She wasn't like Brian. She didn't have easy jokes or effortless charm. And she wasn't like you, all soft laughter and open smiles.

So she sat there, stewing in her own silence, searching for an opening she couldn't find.

Then she turned her head for just a moment.

A distraction—a loud burst of laughter from somewhere across the room. She glanced over, barely processing the source, and when she looked back...

Her heart stopped.

You and Brian were kissing.

It wasn't shy or hesitant. It was full and unguarded, like something out of the movies. His hands rested lightly on your waist, your fingers clutching the front of his shirt as though you were afraid to let go.

Tara's first thought wasn't sadness. It wasn't heartbreak or even surprise.

It was rage.

Her body went rigid, the plastic cup in her hand creaking under the force of her grip.

Because of course this wasn't a problem.

Why would it be?

You weren't hers. You'd never been hers. You were allowed to kiss boys, especially the boy you'd been crushing on for as long as she could remember. It wasn't like you were breaking some unspoken rule. She had no claim to you, no right to feel betrayed or blindsided.

But God, it felt like a betrayal.

Her rational mind tried to reason with her, repeating the same useless mantra: This isn't a problem. This isn't a problem. This isn't a problem.

But the other side of her mind—the side that had been clawing its way to the surface all night—was screaming the opposite.

It was a problem. A huge one.

The anger burned through her like a wildfire, consuming every rational thought as it spread. It started in her chest, hot and heavy, before curling into her throat and setting her teeth on edge. Her nails dug into the soft plastic of her cup until it crumpled under her grip, a sharp crack breaking through the buzz of the party.

And still, she couldn't look away.

She hated it. Hated the way his hands touched you so easily, like he'd earned that right. Hated the way you kissed him back like you'd been waiting for this your whole life. Hated how he got to have what she wanted so desperately without even knowing how much it mattered.

Her breaths came quicker, each one catching in her chest as if she couldn't quite fill her lungs. The alcohol amplified everything, stripping her bare of the filters she usually relied on. Every raw, unspoken feeling she'd buried for years was rising to the surface now, and there was no stopping it.

She wanted to scream.

To grab you and pull you away, to tell Brian to get his hands off you, to do something.

But she didn't.

Because no matter how angry she was, no matter how much she hated what she was seeing, there was a part of her—a small, quiet, agonizing part—that whispered:

You're not supposed to feel like this.

So instead, Tara sat there, her body tense and trembling, her nails biting into the palms of her hands. She didn't even realize she'd crumpled her cup until the sticky remnants of her drink dripped onto her lap.

And still, she couldn't look away.

Eventually you pulled back from Brian, cheeks flushed and eyes slightly glassy from the alcohol coursing through your system.

A small, almost dazed laugh escaped your lips as you glanced at him, then turned to find Tara in the crowd. She hadn't moved from where she'd been watching, her posture stiff and her eyes fixed on some indistinct point on the wall—anywhere but you.

When your gaze landed on her, your smile widened, bright and unrestrained, like you hadn't just set her entire world on fire.

Tara's chest tightened, the molten frustration inside her bubbling hotter with every passing second. She couldn't stop her thoughts, couldn't silence the storm brewing in her mind.

You stumbled a little as you reached her, still grinning like a fool, your energy infectious to everyone but Tara. You leaned close, tipping forward on your toes, your voice loud but slurred enough to betray your tipsy state.

"I think he kissed me," you said, as if it hadn't been entirely mutual.

Tara felt something snap.

Her fingers curled into fists at her sides, her nails digging into her palms so hard she half-expected to draw blood.

She couldn't speak, couldn't trust herself to even try. If she opened her mouth, she was sure she'd yell or say something she couldn't take back. Worse, she might cry—and that wasn't an option.

Her silence stretched on, but you didn't seem to notice. You were too lost in your own world, your thoughts spinning with the buzz of the alcohol and the remnants of Brian's touch. Tara's silence didn't matter, because you filled the space with another easy laugh, leaning closer so she could hear you over the pounding music.

"I need to use the bathroom," you said, your lips brushing near her ear. The warmth of your breath made her stomach twist. "Wanna come?"

Tara's mind scrambled for an excuse, her mouth dry as she fought the urge to say something reckless.

"No," she said finally, forcing her voice to sound casual, detached. "I think I'm good down here."

It wasn't true. She wasn't good down here, or anywhere else in the universe at that moment.

You gave her a light shrug, your expression still full of that easy joy that made her want to scream. "Okay! Be right back!"

You disappeared into the crowd, weaving your way toward the bathroom, leaving Tara standing there alone.

The second you were out of sight, she exhaled sharply, her hands shaking as she reached for another drink she didn't need.

She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, the anger, or the ache of jealousy threatening to overwhelm her. Maybe it was all three, swirling into something she couldn't control.

But one thing was clear—she couldn't keep this up. Not tonight. Not with you and Brian. Not with her chest full of feelings she couldn't name and didn't want to face.

Tara's eyes burned as they landed on Brian, standing not far from where you'd left him. His posture was easy, relaxed—too relaxed.

He stood there like nothing had happened, chatting casually with a couple of his friends, his hand lifting a red cup to his lips like this was just another night. Like he hadn't just kissed you.

The most beautiful girl on the planet.

Tara felt her stomach twist painfully, her grip tightening around the drink in her hand. How could he be so unbothered? So unaffected? He wasn't grinning ear to ear, wasn't puffing out his chest or gushing about how lucky he was.

He wasn't laughing with joy or smirking proudly like any sane person would if they'd just kissed you.

How was he not telling everyone in earshot about what had happened? How was he not reeling from the fact that you—you, with your blinding smile and endless energy—had given him even a second of your time, let alone your lips?

Her jaw clenched, teeth grinding together as she stared at him, her anger bubbling hotter with every second he stayed calm. Her hands itched to grab him by the collar, to shake him and demand he act like he understood the weight of what had just happened.

Did he even realize how lucky he was?

Did he know how many people in that room—how many people in general—would kill to be in his place? To have even the tiniest fraction of your attention, let alone that?

Her vision blurred, and it wasn't from the alcohol. Her chest felt like it was about to implode, like something inside her was trying desperately to escape, and she didn't know how much longer she could keep it together.

Brian's laughter snapped her out of her spiraling thoughts. He was laughing at something one of his friends said, his expression light, carefree—unbothered.

Tara nearly saw red.

She downed the rest of her drink in one go, the sharp burn doing nothing to dull the fury roaring in her chest. How could he be like this? How could he act so normal, so indifferent, after kissing you?

How could he not be overwhelmed by the fact that you'd chosen him, even for a fleeting moment?

It was insulting. Infuriating.

She wanted to march over there, to grab him and make him feel the way she was feeling. She wanted him to hurt, to ache, to boil with jealousy the way she was.

But she couldn't.

Because none of this was his fault.

The real issue—the one she didn't want to admit—wasn't Brian. It was the simple, heartbreaking truth that he could kiss you without consequence.

He could have you.

Tara wasn't sure what happened next.

What she was thinking when it happened, or if she was even thinking at all. Maybe it was the anger—burning hot and uncontrollable—making her body move before her brain could catch up. Or maybe it was the alcohol, buzzing in her veins and drowning out every voice in her head that might've told her to stop.

All she knew was that one second she was standing there, glaring at Brian like he'd committed some unforgivable sin, and the next, she was storming toward him.

His friends noticed her first, their chatter faltering as they shifted awkwardly under her sharp glare. But Brian, oblivious as ever, didn't see her coming. He was mid-sentence, that stupidly calm look still plastered on his face, when Tara grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him down to her level.

The movement was forceful enough to knock the air out of both of them, and before he could even process what was happening—before she could process what was happening—she pressed her lips against his.

It wasn't soft.

It wasn't sweet.

It was messy, rough, and fueled by a cocktail of rage and desperation. Her hands fisted his shirt tightly, holding him in place, her nails biting into the fabric. Brian stiffened for a second, shocked, but then his hands hovered awkwardly near her waist, unsure of what to do.

Tara didn't care. She didn't care about his reaction, about his hesitation.

Because this wasn't about him.

It wasn't about his stupid, clueless face or the fact that he'd kissed you without giving it a second thought. It wasn't about him being unbothered or unaffected.

This was about her.

Her anger, her frustration, her absolute inability to sit there for another second and watch him act like kissing you was nothing.

The kiss deepened as her grip on his shirt tightened, pulling him even closer. She wanted to erase the memory of you from his lips, to replace it with her own. To make him feel something, anything, the way she was feeling.

But it wasn't working.

If anything, the kiss only made it worse.

Because no matter how hard she pressed, no matter how desperate her movements were, it didn't feel right.

It didn't feel like you.

And that thought was like a punch to the gut.

Brian made a soft, surprised noise against her lips, his hands finally settling on her hips, but it only made her angrier. How dare he hesitate now? How dare he act so unsure, like he didn't know exactly what he wanted when he'd so easily taken you from her just minutes ago?

Her chest heaved as she pulled back slightly, her lips still brushing against his, her heart pounding in her ears.

His wide eyes stared at her, confused and more than a little alarmed. "Tara—" his voice laced with bewilderment, but she silenced him with another kiss, pressing harder, needing to cut him off.

She didn't want to hear his voice. She didn't want to hear him try to make sense of this, because she didn't have an explanation. This wasn't about him.

It wasn't about you either—not entirely, at least.

It was about her. About the way she felt like she was unraveling, about how every smile you gave Brian felt like another thread being yanked loose, every laugh you shared with him felt like a blow to the chest.

She didn't know how to make it stop, and the only thing her mind could come up with was this. She didn't have to think when she was kissing Brian. Didn't have to feel the jagged ache of watching you be so happy with someone else.

This wasn't about him.

But it was all she could do to stop herself from falling apart completely.

And Tara wasn't sure what was happening anymore.

Brian hadn't pushed her away. He hadn't stopped her, hadn't hesitated for even a moment after that first surprised noise.

No, he'd leaned into it. He'd kissed her back with the kind of intent that only made her angrier, made the fire in her chest blaze so hot she thought she might combust right there.

Because it wasn't supposed to go like this.

His hands slid from her hips, pulling her closer, pressing her tighter against him, and she hated it. Hated the way he responded like this was exactly what he wanted, hated the way he kissed her back like she wasn't just a replacement for you.

And worse than anything, she hated herself for not stopping it.

His hands moved lower, gripping her ass, pulling her even closer, and she felt herself clench her fists tighter into the fabric of his shirt.

She didn't know if it was the alcohol buzzing in her veins, numbing her better judgment, or if it was the anger still consuming her every thought, but she didn't do anything to stop him.

She should've.

But she didn't.

Because in this moment, it wasn't about him. It wasn't even about you. It was about the chaos she felt boiling in her chest, about the way she felt like she was spiraling further and further out of control.

Brian murmured something against her lips—she didn't catch it, didn't even try to—but his hands stayed firm on her, guiding her, pulling her toward the stairs.

And she let him.

Every step felt like she was wading through quicksand, her mind shouting at her to stop, to push him away, to pull herself together. But her body wasn't listening. She didn't know if it was the heat of his hands on her or the fog of alcohol clouding her better judgment, but she let him lead her.

Because stopping meant facing the truth. And Tara wasn't ready to do that.

Not yet.

She'd barely registered how they ended up in the room. One second, she was being pulled up the stairs, Brian's hand gripping hers tightly, and the next, they were in a dimly lit bedroom, the door clicking shut behind them.

Her heart was racing, but not from excitement. There was no thrill, no anticipation, just a gnawing sense of wrongness she couldn't shake. Yet she didn't stop it. She didn't stop him as his hands found her waist, as his lips trailed down her neck. She didn't stop herself from responding, from letting this spiral further than it ever should have.

It was mechanical, empty, and every moment felt like it was happening to someone else. Brian's touch wasn't unpleasant, but it wasn't what she wanted. His lips weren't the ones she craved, his hands didn't spark anything but an aching hollowness inside her.

And yet, she let it happen.

Because, for a fleeting second, it felt like power. Like control. Like maybe, just maybe, if she could take this from him—take you from him in some twisted, nonsensical way—it would hurt less.

But it didn't.

Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word she barely heard, only drove the knife deeper into her chest.

When it was over, the silence was deafening. Tara lay there, staring at the ceiling, her body still and her mind racing. Brian shifted beside her, saying something she didn't hear, and the sound of his voice made her stomach twist. She felt nauseous, disgusted—not with him, but with herself.

What had she done?

Her chest tightened as she fought to keep her breathing steady, refusing to let him see the tears threatening to spill over. It hadn't helped. It hadn't made anything better. If anything, it had only made everything worse.

Because no matter what she did, no matter how far she went, it would never be enough to make her stop wanting you.

Afterwards Tara laid still, the dim light of the room casting shadows that felt too heavy, too oppressive.

Brian was beside her, breathing evening out as if nothing monumental had just happened. As if this was just another casual moment in his life.

Her mind, however, wouldn't stop.

It wasn't Brian she was thinking about—not the way he'd touched her, not the way he'd looked at her. No, every thought clawed its way back to you.

She pictured you in the bathroom, probably still staring at yourself in the mirror, giddy and flushed. She could almost see your smile, so wide it was infectious, and the way you'd probably tilt your head, trying to relive every second of that kiss.

You'd been dreaming of that moment since second grade, scribbling his name in the margins of your notebooks and lighting up every time he was near. Tara could already imagine how you'd be practically glowing, heart racing with excitement as you ran your fingers over your lips, trying to make the feeling last.

She wanted to hate you for it. But she couldn't. She never could.

You'd come out of that bathroom with a smile so bright it could light up the whole house, your hopeful eyes scanning the crowd as you made your way back to the spot you'd all been standing. And what would you find?

Nothing.

Tara wasn't there. Brian wasn't there.

She could imagine how your smile would falter, confusion settling in as you looked around, searching for the two people who were supposed to be waiting for you. How long would it take for the excitement to drain from your face? How quickly would hope turn to disappointment?

The thought was like a knife twisting in her gut.

And yet, she still couldn't make sense of why she'd done this. Why she'd let it happen. Because it didn't feel like she'd won anything. She hadn't taken Brian away from you. If anything, she'd stolen something from herself—something she could never get back.

Her chest tightened as the realization hit her like a freight train. She hadn't wanted him. She hadn't wanted this.

She'd wanted you.

And now she'd ruined everything.

[bearhaironthechair]

Based off of a prompt-in-passing by a mutual of mine who also enjoys reappearances of Bumblebee the dumb-drop. I cannot justify how all-in I went on this other than that my brain had convinced itself that it was funny. I am aware how debatable that is. Notes: This is another long, more serious ramble, so feel free to skip if you’re just here for the doodle! No worries at all, I hope it was able to give you a bit of a laugh! I want to thank everyone that spent their time offering their perspectives on my questions from last week! It was fun to see how you experience and feel about my nonsense doodles, but more seriously, I appreciate the honesty you gave in how you feel about the way I conduct myself in interactions with visitors to my blog. I’m glad many of you feel that I come across as sincere and that you feel heard in our interactions, but after a bit of introspection, those who felt I can come across as both insincere AND sincere at different times make a valid point. I try very hard to come across as supportive, compassionate, and largely unserious, but I realize that I can get to a point of going overboard on those fronts and just end up sounding saccharine. It’s very possible that my words of encouragement sound like copy-and-pasted empty praise, or that my efforts to engage with commenters sound like me taking a casual interaction way too seriously and making them feel obligated to get more involved than they intended, or that my efforts to empathize with someone else’s personal experiences sound like me trying to make their struggles about myself. The point is, my efforts to be approachable and cheery probably DO sound like someone trying to fake a facade of friendliness on many occasions to a good number of people, and I’m going to reflect on that. For me, maybe that just means not taking things to eleven every time someone says something remotely positive. Maybe that means thinking about the words I use versus the words I overuse. Maybe that means reading the room a little more about how we are all mostly internet strangers in passing on a shared webpage. Maybe that means knowing when something can be said in less words than my talkative tendencies always fall back on. Okay, we can all agree that that last one is going to be the hardest for me! Oh, and to anyone who comments on my nonsense doodles or sends me asks, please know that your engagement means so much to me, and that you have a level of courage I can’t help but envy. Every time I comment on someone else’s posts or send someone an ask - be they mutuals or strangers - I am terrified that they will think I’m being obnoxious, or attention seeking, or unjustifiably familiar in tone. I mean, I probably am all those things to some degree because I can be a bit dense at the best of times, but I certainly don’t intend to be. I’m not trying to fish for sympathy here, more just to mention that, despite those worries ping-ponging around inside my skull, I still manage to push myself past the fear more often than not because I try telling myself that other artists and fans of a piece of media might enjoy compliments and comments on their posts - along with words of encouragement and camaraderie in their inboxes - the way I enjoy seeing them on my blog. That genuine human-human engagement is the kind of vibe I want to share with others the way it’s been shared with me, even if I might accidentally go about it in the wrong way now and then. So thank you for having that courage and reminding me that it is - more often than not - fun to talk to people about the thoughts going through your head on a shared interest! Also, on the chance anyone has actually read all the way down to here, I do have a quick question for which any and all input is appreciated!

And, last but not least, an additional little bit of stupid for anyone that got to this point:

(I only just saw the movie this past weekend).

[fishnapple]

New friendship, who are they?

I tested out a new set of beads for this reading. It was really fun.

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost

Book a reading with me - KO-FI (→ personal reading)

BLACK

This might be someone who has their North node conjunct your ASC. You will be a breath of fresh air to them, they will want to learn a lot from you, at the same time, feeling a little bit out of their depth and uncomfortable. Your way of acting is completely different from their usual friends and your outlooks are also different from theirs. But they will sense that they can grow with you, you embody the path that they need to take. They're likely younger than you or less experienced than you.

They're a hardworking individual with a serious mindset. I think they can be pretty quiet, timid at times. They think a lot before they talk and consider the consequences of their words. You probably won't have much success in trying to small talking them. They might even seem closed-off, so frivolous chit-chat seems out of the question. But their attitude will change when you approach them with more serious topics, an agenda in mind, maybe you could ask for their help or they could ask for yours, a great excuse to start a conversation. They can be pretty stubborn in defending their viewpoint, so don't poke fun of them.

You're likely to meet them at your workplace or where they are working. They could be providing a certain service to you, frequently, so you begin to talk more to each other. You might casually mention one of your hobbies and you guys would click. And from that point onward, there will be opportunities to expand your social circle, you or them will introduce each other to their circle of shared interests. It will take time to get close to this person, even when both of you have the desire to get to know each other. They hide a lot of their more sensitive and soft side, I think that by being friend with you, they will have a chance to bring out this side more. This group is quite short because there's still a lot for this person to uncover and learn about themselves, they haven't come to their true sense of self yet. This person will look up to you a lot. In turn, they will boost your confidence and make you feel appreciated.

★Possible astrology placements: Aries, Scorpio Sun/ Sun conjunct Pluto, Pluto in 1st house, Moon in Taurus/Moon in 2nd house, Saturn in 3rd house, Mercury in Capricorn, Venus in Pisces, Mars in Cancer

SILVER

I get a strong Sagittarius or Jupiter energy from this new friend. They have a strong yet very graceful character that will inspire you a lot.

This friend will come in when you are about to turn a new page in your life, ready for a new phase. The moment you're about to step out of your comfort zone, the universe will introduce you to them, so that you will have an easier time adapting to changes. They will help you unravel the knot in your psyche. Whatever hangups you are having, they will work with you to address them. They will be stern and blunt about it, there's no getting away. At times, you will feel so triggered by them that you want to quit, to end this connection, but fate will keep you guys together and you will be grateful for their perseverance and faith in this friendship.

The first thing you will notice about them is their voice and the way they talk. They could be a fast talker, animated in their gestures and have a lively, mischievous expression. They are a compelling conversationalist, you won't get bored talking to them, exchanging ideas with them will be a joy, an eye-opening experience. Because they will expand your mind, introduce you to many subjects that before that, you had thought uninteresting, but through them, through their enthusiasm, you will find a new interest for these subjects.

You guys might work together or in the same environment a lot. There's a sense of helping each other, walking together side by side. You probably will travel a lot with them. This will be an equal relationship, there's a balanced give and take between you.

This person could have changed their home a lot. They don't have a very stable ground to rely on. They can have an air of being standoffish, but that's just their independent energy. But they can feel lonely easily. They feel that something about them is different from everyone around them, even their families don't understand them enough.

You might observe that they tend to fight against social standards, what's trending, they hate being a follower, mindlessly doing something just because everyone else is doing it. So they definitely stay away from those famous places with 5 stars reviews on Google. They can also be misunderstood a lot by their friends and the groups they are in, accused of being individualistic. This saddens them, but they won't back down for it. Popularity is not their goal. If you're someone who is struggling with fitting in, being yourself in a group setting, then you can learn a lot from this person. In turn, you will provide a rare sense of recognition for their honest heart.

★Possible astrology placements: Sagittarius, Gemini, Aquarius placements, Jupiter in 7th house, Jupiter in Libra, Pluto in 10th house, Aquarius ASC, Sun/Mars in 11th house, Mars in Aquarius, Sun in Pisces

TEAL

This friend will come into your life during the period when you think everything is moving so slowly, there's barely any progress or anything exciting. They will prove you wrong. You will most likely meet them at work or on the way to work, or at an institution. You could have noticed each other before but didn't really pay attention. It would take an event or a third person to properly introduce you.

It will be a slow start, you won't click immediately, I sense that your temperaments can be different from each other's. You will find them a little mysterious, watchful, they seem to be the type that prefers to stay silent at first to assess the situation and the other person better. You would hear about or sense something spiritual in them. They might have a different religious beliefs or they practice an occult art. They could speak a different language, came from a foreign country or have travelled very far from home. You will be mystified and intrigued, but a little intimidated. There could be a period of time at first when you just silently observe each other without making a move. I think the first person to break the silence will be you and they will breathe a sigh of relief. You seem to be more carefree and at ease with yourself than this person, and seem younger too, even if just in spirit.

You will have many philosophical discussions with this friend. The way they talk is wise and gentle. They have an innate understanding of how things work, they probe for deep meaning and open to myriad kinds of experiences. They could have a very profound effect on your mind, asking you questions that you've never thought of before, but they will not be confrontional about it, they just want to ask the question and leave the pondering and thinking to you, the answer is not as important as the acceptance of the question.

They might have moved their living space a lot or rarely stayed at home. They're a nomad, always on the move. They like to travel, explore, could be with their friends, which they have a lot, or alone, they are fine with both.

You will admire their honest way of expressing themselves, their energy feels pure and straightforward, what they show is what you get. Even though they seem so serene and calm, later you will learn that they have been hurt a lot in the past. They might have a fear about commitment, past relationships failed them, so they can be more cautious in this area. You will bring a lot of joy to them, they will find your way of living refreshing and fun, they will want to learn a thing or two about your hobbies and taking them up. You guys will talk about all kinds of things, share the silliest jokes, being ridiculous with each other without care.

★Possible astrology placements: prominent Sagittarius, Taurus, Aquarius placements, Jupiter in 3rd house, Sun in 9th house, Saturn aspects, Moon in 11th house

BLUE

You might be intimidated by them at first but attracted nevertheless. They will remind you of someone you knew in the past or someone in your family.

This person has a strong and intense aura, they are the type that takes no bs from people and set in their way. They would wear a lot of black and red colour and look good in them. Their style would be bold but minimalist. They don't like to adorn themselves with unnecessary things and prefer a neat style for easy movement and activities. Yes, they will love to move a lot, they are active physically and need lots of mental and physical exercises to release the pent-up energy inside them, which is a lot.

You would meet them in a public place, could be a company building, an institution. Maybe when you're going on a business trip or study abroad, or going to museums, conferences, the lecture hall. You will immediately be impressed by their vibrant aura. They seem so self assured, confident, but oddly enough, they don't seem to be comfortable around a crowd. I wouldn't be surprised if they have encountered some jealousy or backstabbing in the past. The crowd doesn't usually go easy on an individualistic person.

They will complement you perfectly. When you feel nervous, they will be strong and confident for you, when you feel down, they will light up your spirit, when you are confused, they will sit you down and talk some sense into you. And I think you will do that for them too. They are an extremely loyal friend. Fiercely protective of their close ones. Their protection is gentle but firm. They will peer into your core and unearth every secret and dark corner that you have. But they won't use it against you. You will feel seen and understood. Just remember never to betray them or cross their boundaries, they can unleash hell on you. This is the kind of person that you want to be friend with, not make an enemy out of them.

They could have talents with words, with musical instruments, with painting. They have a sensitive artistic soul that can perceive the tiniest beauty and capture it into a lasting existence. Their mind can be whimsical but disciplined. They know how to apply rules and methods to ground an idea.

Jokes and laughter are important to them. They like mental games, various kinds of entertainment. They probably have some interesting hobbies that you will want to learn and explore them yourself. Watching them doing something will be inspirational. You will want to encourage them to show themselves more to the world to see, to shine brighter than they already are.

★Possible astrology placements: Aries, Leo, Scorpio placements, 5th house stellium, Pluto in 7th house, Mars in 1st house, Mars in Aries, Aries ASC, Pisces Venus/ Mercury, Capricorn Mercury

AMBER

This new friend could be your future travel buddy. I see one person is leading another to go on a trip. Travel and learning will be the centre of your connection with this person.

The first thing you will notice about this person is that they have a glibness to them. They could talk fast, walk fast, change subjects mid sentence, rambling on and on. But it will be fascinating to watch and listen to them. They could be younger than you, more playful, less care about the mundane, practical world around them. This person will be a bag of infinite fun to you. With them, you will be more relaxed and enjoy yourself more, you guys would think up mischievous bets and games to entertain each other. I keep seeing the image of two kids having fun everywhere they go.

But don't mistake this for their lack of depth. In fact, they are a lot more mysterious and spiritual than meet the eyes. Their approach to life is carefree but philosophical, they believe that doing good deeds will be rewarded. They believe in serendipity, in life's goodness and abundance, this makes them lucky, it's like a team of spirits is having their back. You would think this person is free of worry. They even think so, too, but they're haunted by dreams and nightmares, their worries and fears lie deep down in their psyche. You have to probe carefully to get a glimpse of that. But they likely won't let you do it, they will dazzle you with stories, with adventures that make you forget the elusive nagging feeling of something is amiss.

They're lucky but they're not lazy. They're actually a very hard worker and you will admire their work ethics. Financial security is very important to them. Sometimes to the point of obsession. They work hard and play hard. There could be an over indulgence of some kind. They can be a spendthrift one moment, then make a completely random purchase (and regret about it later). This person probably like to buy little trinkets or bathroom products (they will gift you a lot of that too). They take good care of their hygiene and are very neat. Their house might be swamped with little things, but they will be well organised and aesthetically pleasing.

You might meet them when you go for a vacation, a trip. I see a large body of water so it could be a lake, a river, the beach, the aquarium.

★Possible astrology placements: Gemini, Libra placements with strong Jupiter and 9th house influence, Mars in Taurus/Mars in 2nd house, Sagittarius ASC, Moon in Sagittarius, Venus in Virgo/Venus in 6th house, Sun in 3rd house

LILAC

You would meet this new friend when you travel back to somewhere you had lived there before or the place where you were born. Also you could meet them through a female figure, likely your mum or your sister, a close female friend. They might introduce you to each other or you will meet this person when you're travelling with that female figure. This could be a surprise encounter for you. You might have travelled to this place often but this will be the first time you see them there. Another scenario is a business trip, but the presence of a female figure will still be there.

This person could have an intimidating reputation. They could be a boss, or in charge of an important position in their workplace. Whatever they do, people notice them easily. They could look a little scary at first sight. Their features are sharp, and they favour a darker style. Fierce and confident. You will probably feel nervous when meeting them for the first time, being subjected to their gaze. You would feel your capability and proficiency are being assessed silently. You might have to work with this person, the connection would be strictly professional at first. They can be strict, demand a lot and don't like to talk about trivial matters. They're probably a person of few words.

But strangely, I don't think you will feel uncomfortable in their presence later, when you're friend with each other. If any, they could even make you feel more confident and more carefree. Even though they prize capability and have a high standard, they are also benevolent and can be quite forgiving. They might only act like this with a few people, those that have passed their assessments. You guys could remind each other of someone close, there's a sense of familiarity, being at ease with each other, as if you've been friends for a long time. This connection could happen suddenly, but it has the potential to remain strong and long-lived.

You might notice that they have some trouble voicing their thoughts. There is a pain hidden deep inside them, and you will feel compassionate for it. Sometimes you could even act as their spokesperson, helping them communicate better. You guys will become the unlikely sanctuary for each other, no matter how much different you look outside.

★Possible astrology placements: Capricorn, Scorpio placements, Mercury in 8th house, Mercury-Saturn aspect, Sun/Mars in 10th house/ in Capricorn, Sagittarius Venus, Mars-Pluto conjunction, Sun-Moon conjunction

[redwinewhiteroses]

Physical connection with your future spouse 🧡 18+

Also a random note, almost all readings got at least one or more fertility/child/baby cards given we're doing the reading for physical/sexual connection. A lot of babymaking going on here 😭😂 I thought there was going to be a lot of passionate and kinky stuff but here we are, yall focussing on creating families. I love it either way 💗 That is interesting! 👶🩷

IMAGE 1 Girl and Roses

Sexual intimacy in your relationship is going to be in moderation, at least in the intial stages of your relationship. You are not going to be doing it too much or too little, there's this notion of abstinence, moderation and restriction when being intimate due to which you feel restricted in expressing your sexuality. Can be due to religious beliefs or cultural practices. Or maybe you had to wait till marriage, so you kinda struggle in the bedroom initially. Also for some of you it's possible that one partner is too domineering and controlling of intimacy and the other partner just tags along. There can be a difficulty in attributing emotions to sexual activity as well.

One partner can be a bit manipulative on getting what they want. So they may use their wit and control to charm the other person to just surrender to pleasing them and to fulfill their sexual needs. They will likely expect their partners to take control and to just be so passionate, protective and fiery in bed. There can be manipulation and kinks too and a tendency to fulfill their own sexual fantasies through the other selfishly.

Also it will happen a lot with the intention of making a baby. You will put a lot of efforts, time and energy into making a baby. So you will do it routinely with the desire to make a baby. It will happen very passionately and that phase of your physical relationship will feel very new and lively and both will feel a lot better with intimacy and put a lot of effort into making it more pleasurable. So it's kinda like you struggle in the beginning but after a while you decide to make a baby and things get spicy, passionate and fulfilling all of a sudden. Also physical and sexual intimacy will be something that creates a foundation to your marriage in a way.

IMAGE 2 Colorful butterflies

Physical intimacy with your future spouse is very abundant. Both will be givers. Both partners' priority will be to give and to please and they are going to be very generous with it. They could be serving you in the bedroom in a way. Giving away every bit of themselves to please and care for the other. There's also a good balance of earthly pleasure and emotions. As much as you want the others' body, you also want their love and romance. You both will be comfortable doing it. Also there's a lot of mutual respect in your physical relationship and also a lot of gratitude in your hearts for getting to share that blissful experience with each other. You will do it for the purpose of babymaking too. You will enjoy the experience and there will be a lot of innocent joy and fun doing it. Not tainted with lust but driven mostly by romance and love. Also there's a lot of spontaneity in your physical relationship, yall are excited for all the new things you could do with each other.

So you will have a good physical relationship and one that will stay fresh and new for a long time. If one of you struggle with something when expressing yourself sexually, your partner will patiently wait for you. If you are bad at performing some sexual activity initially, they won't shun you, they will be so gentle and comitted to having better results eventually and most importantly they will match your pace. Also you would likely be interested in having babies with your fs. Also you could do it wayy into old age, even when you are gray and old😄😭 but still there will be the same joy and anticipation to it. What physical intimacy means to you will never lose its meaning.

There will be a lot of romantic gestures, dates and going to parties together. Movie dates and holiday romance, a lot of idealistic love. Also there will be true commitment and a lot of clinginess. You will do romantic things to keep each other interested. Also for some, you will do romance to stop your partner from getting bored, could be fear driven and could have abandonment issues. Or simply you guys will never let the romance fade away. Your romance could go well into the future, even after many many years the spark between you will be intact.

IMAGE 3 A Group of Fairies

First of all, you can have kids with your fs. Like it's very possible. Also this is going to be only for a very very few of you, there could be a situation regarding custody of your children. You could have a very positive physical relationship with your fs. You will be all over each other because you crave skin to skin contact. A lot of touching and cuddling and bonding with physical senses is possible. You will make love while travelling, driving, car sex, a lot movement when doing it. Also riding can be a favorite position. There's a lot of enthusiasm in sexual intimacy, I think you use it as a remedy to dissolve the unpleasant feelings away. Physical intimacy could very well be something that frees you from the burdens you carry. It is something that helps you get rid of the troubles of the day. Healing to the mind and body is what it is for you.

Pregnancy is a hundred percent in the cards in this group, so physical intimacy will most definitely lead to that. Again there's a sense of freedom in sexuality in this group. It's possible you indulge in those experiences a lot and there's a lot of love and joy. True celebration of the mind, body and soul.

Physical intimacy will be very gentle, protective, nurturing and comfortable. There will be a strong emotional bond and not just pleasure; a lot of romance, love and support for each other. Pleasing the senses, a lot of foreplay, kissing and cuddling all those will happen in abundance.

Both partners could just admire each other all the time. Caressing each other softly, slow kisses and gentle touches. A soft romance🩷

Also you could mostly be intimate at home, in familiar places. Getting cosy in your home, cuddling under blankets and hugging each other kinda love. Also you could have outdoors sex, in your garden on the grass😭✨️ There's variety, fun and lot of warmth in this group.

Also you could be like friends, friendly banter, flirting, making each other laugh, these kinds of silly behaviour builds up the sexual tension. A lot of celebrating, eating and drinking, enjoying luxury, going on multiple honeymoons or holiday getaways just to stay in and make love is very possible. You could be having fun like friends and you will suddenly impulsively be devouring each other. Also there will be a lot of creativity and high energy in sexual intimacy. Passion for you is just a snap of a finger away from romance and fun. You will be a very lively couple, very homely but also outdoorsy. You will be passionate whenever and wherever.

IMAGE 4 Woman holding a lantern

So yall are true romantics at heart but I think you hide it. Or it feels like too much flirty feelings brewing inside but you don't express all of those to your partner. I think there's some holding back and feeling like yall can't express the true depth of your feelings. It can also mean the romance between you two is overwhelming in some way.

There's energy and aggression in your sexual energy. Your physical relationship with each other can have major themes of obsession and addiction with each other. For some it can mean your entire perspective on sexuality is going to be challenged and changed within this relationship. And for others I think there's a feeling of lacking safety in your physical relationship. I think there can be aggressive sex, chaotic themes sorrounding your physical relationship with your fs. Control issues, jealousy, anger and some unhealthy attachment is all possible here. It's passionate and wild, there's a lot of sweet romantic feelings hidden away but on the surface the sexual energy will manifest as absolute chaos and destruction. Pain and pleasure is equally present in your physical relationship.

Also one partner can lack confidence and experience in matters of the bedroom and they are the pillow princess/prince. Also one partner can lack commitment when it comes to pleasing their partner. Or it could be that both are more focussed on their own pleasure. Sleeping on your potential came to mind. There's a lot of room to have a fulfilling physical relationship but it seems like yall are not taking a chance, even when you do it's devoid of romance and mostly driven by lust. There are feelings hidden beneath the surface but you are not giving the best you can in expressing them productively. I think your physical relationship is in a way focussed mainly on fulfilling sexual needs and not on bonding with each other emotionally.

Tell me if the reading resonated with you. I'd love to know your thoughts on this reading. Take care lovely people! ✨️

[remixingreality]

Happy Sunday to you all! I want to thank all of you who follow Remixing Reality and appreciate the sweaty, happy, happy, gay, gay images I create and share here on Tumblr.

I know I'm terrible at answering DMs - as a rather shy person I usually prefer let my art speak for me - but I really do appreciate all the positive comments and feedback and likes and (especially) reblogs, it means more to me than you'll ever know.

Sometimes the comments aren't so positive, as you might imagine. Surprisingly it's not homophobes who hate my gay art, but the rather strange and strident anti-AI folks who send me the most hate. Even death threats, for daring to use a technology that they don't approve of! Man, the internet is wild place. But being a bit of a contrarian, such comments just make me want to use ALL THE AI, ALL THE TIME.

Anyway, this recent comment was much more reasonable, and I thought deserved a response with what, became essentially, my artist's statement; the whole reason I've been prompting and prodding AI tools to make sweaty, sexy gay images for years:

---

"Please don’t use AI. AI is terrible for the art community and art in general"

---

Thanks for the feedback, but as a gay man I have a different outlook on AI: it's been an incredible opportunity to heal my soul by using AI tools to create & share images of happy, fun, joyful images of gay male sexuality & love.

I grew up as a young gay person in a time & country where images of happy gay people were absolutely forbidden. Gays in media could only be portrayed as living miserable lives; murderers or victims of murder, drug addicts, pedophiles, thieves, & reprobates, the scum of humanity. Even actual gay media was censored so that anytime I saw real gay men having real gay sex in a porno mag or film they were always stony-faced & miserable looking. Any images of happy gays were censored with big black bars or deleted entirely.

That shaped me as a person and contributed to my belief that as a gay man my life was going to be absolute shit, that my sexuality meant that I was unworthy of love & would never experience joy. It was madness to even expect to find happiness as a gay person! Decades later I'm still fighting against that negative self-image that was forced on me, every single day.

It's been a constant struggle, made harder by family who raged at me that I would never find happiness or success or love as a gay person, the horror of watching friends & lovers waste away & die awful lonely deaths during the AIDS crisis, & more recently, having to recover from a beating & stab wounds from a group of angry young men who tried to murder me just for the crime of being a gay man walking home from a movie in my own neighbourhood.

AI has frankly, been a godsend in my recovery & helped to change my limiting negative self-image. By being able to - daily - create, view & share images of joyful, fun gay sex & sexuality I've been able to re-write the negative internal story of my own life & imagine a more positive future for myself.

But besides my own issues, with the resistance to gay rights occurring across the globe I fear we are about to return to the days where gay people are universally suppressed & hated. I want to combat that, & AI has provided me the tools to share images of happy gay sexuality with the world & an audience for whom portrayals of gay joy are still fleetingly precious & rare.

---

For all who have asked, I mainly use Bing Image Creator to make these images. For those who have asked why I don't make actual hard-dick smutt, 1) Tumblr still doesn't officially allow full nudity and sex to be shared on their platform and I don't want to be banned from my favourite online community, 2) As a childhood SA survivor I still have some hangups about sex I'm working through, and 3) I actually enjoy the challenge of tricking the heavily-censored Bing AI into creating sexy, smutty images of happy handsome gay men, for reasons I just realized today while writing this post.

I have been exploring other, less censored AI tools lately though, and have been using Flux to create a collection of more explicit images exploring my favourite themes like superheroes, gladiators, gogo boys, sci-fi heroes and mad scientists, beautiful men, furry satyrs, horny gods, gay love and cruising in other times and centuries, and my all-time favourite gay romance comfort movie, "Red, White & Royal Blue". I'll start sharing those on my Deviant art page soon, and I'll let you all know when I do.

Much Love, Ray ❤️

[emilielhess]

──beds and rinks─────────

── pairing: roommate! hockeyplayer! vi x reader ── tropes: friends to enemies -> enemies to lovers, forced proximity, roommates, sports, slow burn, sibling's teammate ── summary: Your first days at Piltover University would have been way scarier if it wasn't for your older sister and her friends. And a cup of chocolate yogurt. ── note from Emilie: Shorter one 😌 I think I added everyone to the taglist, but if I missed you by accident, just let me know!

based on this request 🩵

── chapter 02: "cooler than me"

You knew your sister was popular at Piltover University.

That much was obvious, especially with her Instagram basically exploding with followers. She even made a private backup account, somewhere in the middle of her summer break, when the two of you were laying on the deckchairs, trying to get that perfect tan in your parents' backyard.

Celine was only in her first year back then, while you were still stuck in high school, watching notifications on her screen pouring in tags on post, reels, stories.

"It won't shut up," she groaned, flipping her phone to silent mode while you rubbed sunscreen onto her shoulder, giggling.

"We can drown it in the pool, if you want."

"Oh, yes please."

You figured it was just easy to like her. And honestly, that wasn't surprising. You adored her too. Everyone did. She carried a comforting presence, like you could be the worst person in the room, yet she still would have flashed you with a welcoming smile.

Did you admire her? A thousand times yes.

Did you want to be like exactly like her? No, not really.

What you didn't know was that she was something closer to a star rather than just a likable student who happened to be freakingly good at hockey.

You only realized it as she dragged you through the hallways on your first day. Students were smiling at her, calling out congratulations about the last match and waving like they were old friends. And she always waved back, even if she didn't remember their names.

It felt strange at first. Seeing a completely different version of your sister you knew from home. The one who wore ratty pajamas and stole your fries and complained about cramps leaning on the wall of your shared bathroom.

Hockey was apparently a thing in Piltover - a private, expensive university - which might explain the ridiculously sleek canteen she led you into, with glass stretching all the way up to the ceiling.

Everything in this complex screamed money - high walls, full-length windows and glossy flooring that reflected too much to be anything as simple as a cheap tile.

Stepping in for the first time was probably the most intimidating experience of your life, especially with your older sister striding through the corridors like she owned every piece of this place, while you, the freshman, trailing behind her like a lost puppy.

And, god, you were lost.

Because choosing Piltover University was more like buying a new piece of clothing purely on an impulse, rather than a well-thought-out decision.

You were in your final year of high school, exams already behind you, yet still unsure of what you wanted, what you were good at, if anything. Just existing in the quiet comfort of your home, lazily scrolling through university and college programs scattered across the Runeterra state.

You were standing in the backyard with your sister, filling the pool under the heavy heat of summer. She was lounging nearby, phone resting on her chest with her eyes closed.

And out of nowhere, like it was nothing, she said, "You should apply to my uni. Could be fun."

That was all it took.

With your father's generous funding thrown in - doubling up - because you were just two points short of the acceptance list.

You weren't exactly proud of it. But the idea of attending the same university as your sister dulled the sting of reading that rejection letter the first time.

No talent. No accolades. Just a bit of money and your sister's name trailing behind you like a shadow. That's what earned you a spot at Piltover University.

And when your mother's new architecture firm suddenly took on the renovation of the university's conference hall, it somehow pushed your placement from a public branch in the outskirts right into the heart of Piltover's elite campus.

You didn't even get to unpack your boxes, but you weren't about to complain. Only an idiot would.

Nevertheless, you also knew that having a spot in a program was completely different thing than truly belonging there. Which made you wonder if Celine had felt it before, or seen someone stuck in that in-between space, because the moment she finished helping you unpack during her free period, she grabbed your hand to take you for lunch.

As your eyes searched for an open table, your sister was already walking past every single one, heading straight for the round table tucked beneath the massive glass window. It looked like the kind of spot reserved for the effortlessly cool.

And hell, it was.

Because the cool kids were already sitting there as your sister tossed her gym bag onto the growing pile of others and slid into her seat. Meanwhile, you were still hovering awkwardly beside the table, unsure if you were supposed to sit down, keep standing, or worst of all, go find another empty table on your own.

"You gonna stand there till the break's over, or...?"

In one second, your cheeks flushed warm and red as you tucked in as close as you could to your sister, your moves clumsy.

"Be nice, Vi."

Celine gave your knee a gentle squeeze under the table as you pushed your hands nervously under your thighs.

"Trying," she said, taking a bite of her apple as she maintain eye-contact with you.

You recognized her face from your sister's phone wallpaper - a shot of the two of them mid-laugh and arms thrown up in victory after making it into the semi-finals for the first time.

And then there was that one time Celine FaceTimed you somewhere around the winter break, when you were in Italy with your parents. You were walking around those breathtaking, narrow alleys, skin sticky from sunscreen and wearing a flowy sundress that showed off the sunburns stretching across your shoulders.

Celine had called from her mandatory sports camp, sweaty from practice and laying on a bed in her hotel room with her hair messily tied up in a plait. She barely said hello before flipping the camera toward her present roommate.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Vi Lanes," she announced with theatrical flair. "Say hi to my sister," she hit with commands, like it wasn't a big deal.

As if Vi wasn't the captain of their hockey team.

You remembered her looking straight into the camera, flashing you a quick grin before turning back to sharpen her skates. You probably just blinked at the view, dumbfounded, clutching your glass of orange soda, feeling her cool-girl energy radiating off your screen.

She waved. You didn't.

"How's your trip?" Camera flipped back, your sister's face filled the app window.

And now, somehow, that girl was siting right across from you.

"So, that's your little sister," said the broad-shouldered girl at the end of the table, glancing your way with a fork mid-air and a tone that didn't quite ask, just stated.

You learnt her name - Sevika. Senior student with a presence that made you want to sit up a little straighter without knowing why.

Celine must have sensed you stiffening, because she slung her arm over your shoulder and pulled you closer.

"One and only," she grinned proudly. "She got into the program last minute. Had me up half the night refreshing the site over FaceTime. Thought I would lost her to Zaun University."

You smiled when she scrunched her nose and made a mock gagging sound, wincing like the thought only was unbearable.

Vi just rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Watch your mouth. I'm from Zaun, y'know?"

Celine raised an eyebrow, unphased. "Yet, here you are, playing for Piltover."

Vi smirked, leaning back in her chair as she folded arms on her chest. "Only 'cause they offer scholarship."

"Sure." Celine said flatly, rolling her eyes.

Few minutes passed by, you listening your sister talking to Sevika and, later introduced, Maddie while Vi rested both elbows on the granite-gray table, chin propped in one hand. Her gaze drifted around the canteen. Not quite bored, more like casually detached. She barely acknowledged the lingering looks some girls kept sneaking her way.

You couldn't help yourself, but look closer, with fork hanging still in your hand. Her hoodie dipped just low enough at the neck for you to catch the edge of a tattoo creeping up her skin.

Damn...

She took the last bite of her apple, the core still hanging loosely between her fingers.

"Your tattoos-" The words slipped out before your brain could stop them.

Her head snapped toward you, sharp and sudden, and whatever you'd meant to say shriveled up on your tongue.

Your mouth opened, but no sound followed. Everything in your head just... clammed up.

"What about them?" she asked, her voice warm.

"They... pretty."

Oh god. Pretty? Seriously? You could feel yourself shrinking into your seat. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Celine huffed in amusement as she broke out from her conversation.

But Vi didn't seem to mind. She flashed you a smirk and it made things worse in the best way. "Thanks, kid. At least someone around here appreciates them."

Your nervousness seemed to melt. "Is that so?"

Celine scoffed lightly, chewing her scrambled eggs. "They wanted to expel her. No tattoos allowed in Piltover, so I hope you're not hiding one on your butt."

Vi laughed, strands of her pink hair dropped on her forehead. "That was just a threat. They like to pretend they've got higher standards than Zaun U."

"So they didn't?" you asked, glancing between them.

"Nope, they wouldn't risk losing a good player," Celine said, shrugging. "Winning games means money. Vi's basically their golden ticket."

Vi winked at you, pushed a yogurt cup across the table, then tossed her bag over her shoulder and stood out. She said something to the girls about forgetting something from the locker room, before she headed out.

You felt a brush on your shoulder. "She took the last chocolate one, again. I wanted that." Celine leaned her head back with a dramatic groan. "What a menace."

And just like that, if you thought your sister was cool - Vi Lanes was cooler.

"Coming to the game?" Maddie unscrewed the cap of her water bottle taking a sip.

"What game?" You turned you head to Celine.

"Opening match. Noxus Trifarians versus Piltover Enforcers. Just a friendly season kickoff," she said. "You wanna come?"

"If you're playing," you answered without missing a beat.

"Sure thing."

You nodded, gaze already drifting toward the canteen exit, searching for the glimpse of pink hair disappearing through the crowd.

Your finger clutched around little, plastic spoon.

Yeah, way cooler than me.

taglist: @eriiwaiii2, @halle5s, @sevikas-whore, @chellecunttt, @freakyjorker, @pixieolives-blog, @klallx, @sapphicscripts, @strawb4kdior, @stormwellsstuff, @jaycouldbegay, @tsujifreya, @autisticratbagtm, @maybenotjaybe, @ellvimatcha, @sophivstheworld, @ellielover69, @joylvetie, @yousuck-marina

[enhanextdoor]

𓂃۶ৎ 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐈𝐓 ━━━ 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝗍.

西村 力 (n.rk). ─────⠀ㅤ 3,002 (in total) ―୨୧⋆ ˚ 𝗳!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 𓈒 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬. ⠀

부인 성명 (disclaimer) : read at your own risk. there is going to be fluff and angst themes. NOT PROOFREAD

taglist: @choisanswife. @leehsngs. @myjjongie

moving away from home was one of the hardest things for you to do. it was what you had known your entire life, but college was an exciting new time. you thought it would be a fresh start, you would be able to make new friends and not be held back by some of the rumors and different issues that living in a small town held. you wanted to experience the world and maybe you were a little naive, but you thought the world would be good for you. welcome weekend was what really fucked you over. everyone was asked to go around and share a fact about themselves on the auditorium stage and as you were walking up your shirt caught on the stairway and ripped. you were so embarrassed you cried, people recorded and this quickly spread around campus. you were labeled the “cry baby” of campus. so much for getting a fresh start right? nope! 

it had been three weeks since the semester started and honestly you tried to avoid the stares and laughs, you figured that the other students would eventually move on from your little mishap but in the age of smartphones no way. you even became a bit of a campus meme, the worst group of them all had to be the dance team. the first person to post the video to social media? none other than jake. he didn’t think it would get as big as it did and well it even got him a little more credibility on campus. you just wanted to keep your head down and the library was one of the best places to do that, you had been practically living in your dorm and in the library. you were enjoying the silence. enter nishimura riki, the it-boy of the freshman clas, he casually made his way over to you and pulled a book from the shelf next to where you were standing. 

he was the newest member of the dance crew and all everyone had been talking about. ‘jungwon made such a good choice as captain letting him on the team.’ ‘we are so qualifying this year’ ‘he’s just so dreamy’ those are just some of the things you’ve heard. your gaze shifted to him only for a second before you grabbed the book you needed and started to head back towards the table you had claimed. “y/n.. that’s your name right?” ni-ki spoke up. you stopped to look at him and arched an eyebrow slightly, nodding your head. “yeah, that would be me.” you prepared yourself to get the cry baby comment or some kind of joke, but he walked over and examined your book. “oh this is actually the one i need too. think we could sit together and look it over?” he set the book in his hand on empty carts at the side of the column.

you were a bit shocked that he would be wanting to do an optional reading for class, the professor made sure to emphasize that this reading wasn’t required but could help students get a better grasp on the concepts. “sure?” you sounded a little hesitant because you were. maybe ni-ki wasn’t a bad guy and truthfully needed the book for class just like you. the pair of you walked over to the table and you opened it up to the page that you needed. “you need this for intro to society too right?” you questioned to see if he was taking the same basic sociology class you were. “yup and look at that you’ve got the page right and everything.” he flashed a smile. 

the pair of you read the book only speaking to indicate when it was okay to turn the page. it was nice, having an interaction with someone that wasn’t just trying to make fun of you. after two hours of powering through the book you both reached the end and you closed the book. “well that was nice.” he stated as he leaned back in his chair a little. “yeah, it was nice.” you admitted before tapping your fingers on the table a little bit of anxiety building in your stomach. “you know you are pretty cool y/n. we should go out sometime.” 

his words sent a little bit of panic through you mainly because you knew that talking with him could impact his social status on campus or bring on more taunting. then you were fighting with the implication, is he asking you in a friendly way or in a date kind of way? you sat there for a second. “did i break you y/n? shit that was so not what i was trying to do.” he was sat forward now examining your face. “no, no, i heard you and am not broken.” you replied and glanced back to him. “just don’t think it would be a good idea for us to go out.” you stood up to go return the book from where you found it. he stood and followed you right over to the shelf. “oh come on y/n, afraid that people will tease me too? i really don’t care about any of that. you are cool and we shared a book doesn’t that mean anything to you?” he was talking in a bit more of a teasing tone at the end. you couldn’t help but roll your eyes playfully because that was cheesy. “okay then we can go out.” you shouldn’t cave so easily but honestly you are just a girl. “great it’s a date then.” he winked.

you two had exchanged numbers before you left the library and set a plan of when you were going out. everything about this made you nervous but excited. was this really happening? the coolest guy in the freshman class wanted to take you out on a date? it seemed too good to be true. you spent hours getting ready for this date and the pair of you went out. the date was a simple move theater then dinner date. you two had a great time, the conversation at dinner flowed so naturally. he had you laughing, you made him laugh in return. it was nice being out with someone that didn’t just see you as a joke. he walked you back to your dorm and before he left you two kissed. you felt the butterflies in your stomach and the whole nine yards. 

two months passed and several more dates occurred within those months. you never saw this coming, but there you were on the quad with ni-ki laid out under you and your head rested on his stomach as you laid down as well reading your book. the two of you were all the campus could talk about. “we are throwing this party tonight to celebrate winning our latest comp.” he said which pulled you from your book, “oh yeah? well i would love to come with you if that is what you are asking.” you looked up to him with a warm smile. a smile that ni-ki had grown so accustomed to. he had fallen for you and if only you knew everything he knew that you probably wouldn’t feel the same anymore. he sat up which had you sitting up as well and he admired you with a smile of his own, “you make me so happy y/n. you know that right?” you weren’t sure where this was coming from but you leaned in to give his lips a little peck. “yeah, yeah nishimura. i have a class to get to.” you stood and then leaned down to give him another peck on the lips. “see you later?” you asked but didn’t wait for an answer before walking backwards to start heading away from you. “yeah.” he waved you off and went back to laying down to look at the sky. 

he wasn’t sure how he was going to tell you the truth, all of this started with a bet. he was hanging out with all the guys and jake showed everyone the video. they all laughed about it, ni-ki included. “you want to prove yourself to be one of us?” jay said while leaning his arms on his knees and the rest of the guys started to pick up what was about to go down. “get cry baby to go out with you.” he continued and everyone else was laughing. “oh my god that would be so funny actually. you should so do it.” sunghoon chimed in. ni-ki wanting to be accepted by these older much cooler guys agreed. “i could totally get her to go out with me, easy. i’ll do you one better i’ll get her to actually fall in love with me too.” god how he regretted that day now, he felt like he was walking on eggshells. it was only a matter of time before someone slipped and told you and he didn’t want to lose you. while he was trying to get you to fall in love with him he did something that would ruin everything, he fell for you. 

later that night after all your classes and getting ready for what felt like forever you headed to the frat where the party was being hosted. you went inside and started looking around for ni-ki but instead found jay and jake by the drinks table. jake was a little loaded and that made him a little louder than normal. “Y/N! YOU’RE HERE!” he was basically shouting and leaning on jay for the support. “hey jake.. you doing okay there buddy?” you gave a pointed look and jay made a little face while shaking his head to indicate that this boy was long gone. you had gotten to know the rest of the guys and much to their surprise they liked you. the guilt of the bet weighed on all of them too, but they tried to ignore the elephant in the room. heeseung came walking over to see the drunk jake and jay supporting him. “need some help with that one?” he pointed to jake literally just hanging off jay. “you know it we should get him some water.” jay replied and you spoke up. “let me go get him some. you two just make sure he stays upright.” 

you pushed through to the kitchen and came back with bottled water. they had gotten jake seated on a couch. “oh have you guys seen ni-ki?” you questioned. they all shook their heads and jake decided to speak up. “naurr but i am so glad you two are dating. i mean to think this all started because jay thought you were some looooser and bet ni-ki that he couldn’t get you to date him. oh! and im sorry for posting that video of you.” he was pouting and batting his eyes. “don’t hate me.” jay and heeseung’s faces both looked so shocked and heeseung literally put his hand over jake’s mouth. your mouth fell open a little as you tried to process everything that was just said. ‘some loser’ ‘a bet’ those words burned and you felt like your heart was shattering right there. “i should go.” you forced a little smile and handed the water over to jay, backing away from them. “y/n wait..” jay spoke up but you had already turned and started to rush towards the exit. 

you thought that things were different with ni-ki, that he was one of the only people that actually gave you a chance. he made you feel safe and loved, he was someone you could just talk to for hours. was all of this just some silly little game to him? was your heart just something he could toy with? as you were walking out of the party, ni-ki was on his way in. his eyes caught a glimpse of you and he went to take your hand, “y/n where are you going?” you stayed right there your back to him, hand in his and using every ounce of strength you had to keep your tears in. “was it worth it?” your voice sounded so broken and he was confused until his phone buzzed, he glazed over the text from heeseung explaining what just happened. he shoved his phone right back into his pocket and he moved to stand in front of you, his hand still holding yours.  “y/n, baby, i can explain.” 

him moving to be in front of you wasn’t helping because now glancing up at him the tears just started to cascade down your cheeks. “explain? explain what? that you made a bet that you could date me? guess what riki, you fucking did that didn’t you? i bet you are so proud of yourself. god just leave me alone. i never want to see you again.” you shoved his hand away from yours and walked off leaving behind the boy you fell in love with and any shred of hope that people were still good. 

it had been three days since the party and your phone had been blowing up with messages from all of the guys. ni-ki had messaged the first day just a few times asking if the two of you could talk, but when you ignored him for the fifth time he got the hint. he was a mess too and you knew it only because the rest of the guys were messaging you over and over saying that this was their fault not ni-ki’s. that wasn’t helping any considering he could have said no. you had skipped your classes the last two days which is not like you in the slightest, but professors had to understand you just had your heart ripped out so that’s basically a medical emergency right? maybe this would have been easier if you had made some actual friends on campus, but the friends you made were the boys and obviously didn’t trust any of them right now either. 

you did the one thing you could think to do, packed up a bag and took the first flight home. you needed to get away from campus and have a slight reset. home was going to give that to you, there was no ni-ki there, none of the guys to come knock on your door, just you and your family. after the third day home you were starting to feel a little better. the feelings of betrayal were still very much there and you played a card game and when you won your instinct was to text ni-ki to let him know, but you couldn’t exactly do that. a big part of you missed what you had with him. you just had to remind yourself that it was probably all just fake. 

there was a knock on the door and your mom went to get it, you were on the couch reading to get caught up on some of your classwork. “y/n, honey it’s for you.” your mom called out which confused you because you weren’t expecting anyone. you got up and made your way over to the door pausing when you saw none other than ni-ki standing there. your mom had walked away when you made it to the door and you stared at him, “what are you doing here? how did you even find my house?” you questioned in a hushed tone. “well i remember you talking about it when we went on our first date. you said that you lived in the old house with the handprints in the sidewalk and named the street so.. i just walked down the street until i found the handprints.” you stepped outside and closed the door behind yourself, crossing your arms over your stomach. he remembered that? most people wouldn’t care to remember a detail like that. you needed to push that delusion from your head, he doesn’t care. or does he?

“i tried to give you your space, i really did and honestly sunoo told me flying here was a terrible idea, but it’s been almost a week and i am losing my mind y/n. none of it was fake.. nothing i said or did with you was fake. i know it started with not the best intentions and honestly i should have told you the minute i fell for you, but i didn’t want to lose you because i’m an idiot that took a bet.” he was rambling just a little and you were focused on the fact that he said he fell for you and it was real. everything he said and did with you was real. “you mean it?” you spoke finally which cut him off from going to say something else. “of course i mean it. i am so in love with you y/n that i literally hopped on a flight to go to some town i’ve never been to to walk up and down a street in hopes of finding the girl of my dreams.” 

you were hesitating on forgiving him because you weren’t completely sure if he was telling the truth, but your heart was screaming to forgive him because to be honest you are in love with him too. every little moment you two shared, every kiss, all the late night talks, the times you shared books, it was all just so comforting. “if you ever break my heart again nishimura riki i swear i won’t let you back in.” you moved in a little and he did as well. “i swear on everything in this world i won’t break your heart again.” the two of you shared a soft and sweet kiss on the door step. his hands on your waist, yours finding the comfortable spot around his shoulders. when your lips parted he smiled at you and you felt that happiness creeping back in. “so uh.. when am i going to meet my future in-laws?” he smirked as you gave him a teasing glace. 

a/n: thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed this fic. i would love if you commented thought/opinions, liked, or reblogged!

c. enhanextdoor ; do not copy, repost, or translate my works.

[mieldreams]

APT.

Summary: Sleep tomorrow but tonight go crazy, all you gotta do is just meet me at the... Or where you and Anakin share an apartment and maybe – some feelings too?

pairing: college roommate!Anakin x reader

word count: 4,842

warnings: c'est dramatíque. like no joke this is very much for the sillies and fun. it also has modern slang so can probably be considered hella OC for a lot of characters. I mean can you imagine Padme saying babygirl? (oh how I wish 😞)

a/n: Y'all know how in fanfics there's some tropes that are cliches? I noticed how sometimes in a lot of the fandoms the male mcs always get to have these complex and flawed characters that often have bad habits and quirks but for some reason the reader character (especially if it's a female one) doesn't get as many personality traits (which valid considering reader character is after all an insert character) but i just thought how fun would it be to maybe reverse some of the roles and switch things around a lil bit. This story is relatively tame in that aspect as I was only experimenting, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

"Honey, I'm home!" Your playful voice carries through the empty living room of your shared apartment.

When you get no response from your roommate, who you were sure was supposed to be home by now, you drop the shoe from your hand, the thud sound echoing on the wooden flooring before you make your way towards the couch.

You drop your bag and toss your cap away, running a hand through your hair before heading towards the bedrooms.

"Ani?"

You walk into the open kitchen to grab a glass of water but your eyes get caught on the pot of something steaming kept on the stove. It's like there's a cartoonish floating scent of deliciousness that hooks your nose and beckons you closer, so you float over to the counter to lift the lid of the pot and a familiar and absolutely mouth-watering sight greets you.

A smile takes over your face when you realise who made it–the only person who can–and you drop the lid back on the pot to quickly head towards his bedroom.

"Anakin!" You call out once again and you're about to pass the door of the bathroom in the hallway when it flies open and you quickly have to stop yourself from running into the person stepping out.

"Oh shoots!" His hands immediately grab your waist to stop you from falling backwards while you grab his forearms to steady the two of you.

You didn't think it was possible, but somehow your smile grows even wider at the sight of your roommate – his tousled hair still wet from the shower, a soft baby blue hoodie on that made his eyes stand out that much more, and that same soft smile that always greeted you when you returned home.

"Thought you'd finally gotten sick of me and ditched and run away," you joke while trying not to pay attention to the feeling of his hands on your hips.

He rolls his eyes before leaning closer with narrowed eyes, "If you were even 2 minutes more late, I actually would've."

You're distracted by the feeling of his breath tickling your skin, eyes drawn to his pink lips that are pulled in a subtle pout. "….late?"

His brows furrow as he takes in your distracted expression and clueless words, his pout turning into a frown, "You don't remember, do you?"

The way he says it tells you he already knows the answer but you're still too caught up looking at his perfect plush lips. "…remember…?"

He quickly drops his hands and you stumble to catch your balance as he steps away to walk into the kitchen.

You follow him to stand on the other side of the counter and watch as he transfers the soup he had made into a smaller serving pot. It was a Skywalker family special, taught by his mom and your favourite soup in the whole world, though most of Anakin's cooking was your favourite in the whole world so some might call you biased. But they've never tasted Anakin's cooking so what the hell do they know?

"It's Friday." His back is still turned to you as he washes his hands at the sink but you don't have to see his face to know he's not exactly happy.

His words finally remind you of your usual weekend plans together, and today– Friday's was supposed to be movie night.

You wince when you realise you'd forgotten your plans, and now you've gone and run into him headfirst, literally.

"Ani…"

"No, it's okay."

You expected him to be mad, angry even, that you'd forgotten (or so he thinks) your ages-long tradition of movie night. But the sight of his tense shoulders relaxing as he sighs, drying his hands on the towel before he turns to you with that same sweet smile, a hopeful glimmer in his eyes is not what you're prepared for, much less the soft words that leave his lips,

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're here today and not busy like the past few times. I'm glad we finally get to have a movie night together again."

Fuck, the adorable smile he gives you is enough to knock the wind out of you and you desperately grab the edge of the counter to not fall to the ground.

He grabs a pack of bread and opens the fridge to grab a container before turning to the toaster, "I'm so glad we can do this. It's the perfect weather for soup so I made that instead of our usual popcorn, I hope you don't mind— though we can have that too if you want, I'm sure we have some leftover packs somewhere here—"

He excitedly rambles as he starts to open and close various cabinets to look for the packet of popcorn and you're frozen in place as you take in his enthusiasm.

"You know what, why don't you pick the movie while I toast some bread for us?"

Fuck, you hated to do this.

"We can have garlic or plain butter ones, whichever you want—"

You really wish you didn't have to do this.

"—Anakin...I can't."

All his flurried activity immediately comes to a halt. His shoulders tense again at your words and his hands are still as they hover in the air.

It's barely a whisper that reaches your ears, "What?"

This time you can see his side profile but you don't because you can't face him as you repeat yourself.

"I'm…sorry. I just— I already made plans. Padme and Satine said there's this party tonight…"

His head whips to fix you with the most intense gaze and you gulp as you try to come up with a way to maybe…compensate?

A nervous laugh bubbles out of your chest before you can stop it, "Ani, what if you come too? We can have tonight's hangout at the party! Obi-Wan and Rex might be there too, or else you can invite them! I know the people hosting it, I'm sure they'll allow a few extra people."

Extra people? Extra people?! Good doing dumbass. Extra people – like he's some random nobody and not the literal lo—

"Okay."

You're snapped out of your thoughts by his feeble response, as if you weren't meant to hear it. "What?"

He clears his throat, putting on an exaggerated smile that you can see through, "It's okay. We can just hangout some other time. Have fun at the party."

He walks out of the kitchen to his bedroom in the blink of an eye, closing the door behind him without another word.

Your shoulders drop with a sigh before you drop your head on the counter and close your eyes in frustration.

This is for the best, this is for the best, this is for the best, this is for the best.

The same chant repeats in your head as you pick up your jacket and put on your shoes, walking out the door with a heavy heart.

Half an hour into the party your heart seems to have only gotten heavier, you don't know if it's the fifth drink in your hand or the loud thumping music, or maybe it's the jacket that seems all too suffocating in the already stuffy room and this boring guy who's been talking your head off about women and horses or something….Jackson? Jason? Hanson!…or was it Hansel?

"It's Gretel. I told you Hansel is my twin sister. And I'm not gay." He gives you a nasty side-eye as he huffs and rolls his eyes.

Oh shit, had you said that out loud? Oh well whatever, how the hell were you supposed to remember Hansel was the girl and Gretel was the boy when your mind wasn't even in the room right now?

Thankfully your saviour arrives in the form of your friend dragging you away with some half-assed excuse about being a player short for their beer pong – not like the guy cared, he simply turned around and gave that same weird 'I think I'm more important than every person in this room and mayonnaise is the spiciest thing I've had in my life and I think khaki shorts and polos are the peak of fashion and women wearing makeup is literally the reason guys have trust issues but it doesn't matter cause my daddy's got enough money to take my date to a private pool so I can body shame her' smile to the girls standing behind him, the same creepy look he had given you and roped you into a conversation you hadn't heard a second of.

You step away from the kitchen bar where you'd been standing for the past 20 minutes.

"I wasn't lying about the game."

When you go to protest Padme immediately cuts you off, "Nope. You're playing, it's already decided."

You laugh, "By whom?"

"Me," she replies in that 'duh' sort of tone, "I can't let my best girl sit there sulking with some weirdo talking about some random old fairytale."

You smirk, "His parents named him Gretel."

She whips her head to look at you in disbelief before bursting out laughing, "Well I'm glad I pulled you away before he introduced you to his twin sister Hansel or something."

"Nah, he said she ran away with some guy named Pedro in France. I think he called her a slut but it almost sounded like he had a crush on Pedro himself so who knows." You shrug.

She scoffs and then laughs again, "How do you always manage to find such people?"

You walk towards the table in the centre of the room, "Do I manage to find such people or do they find me?" You shake your head with a laugh, "Anyway thanks for getting me out of that conversation."

"Of course. Can't have you betraying your loverboy can we?"

Her teasing smirk goes entirely unnoticed as you freeze at her words.

Padme, being ever observant as she is, immediately catches the way your face falls and quickly decides that she just has to find out what happened.

She already had her suspicions when you walked into the party looking like you had instead walked into a reunion with your dentist, your racist uncle and that one teacher from middle school who always picked on you for some reason.

She hadn't seen you this...blank since that time in high school when you'd taken part in a community marathon for charity to impress your crush and trained for months to cross the finish line first only to trip on your shoelaces as soon as the starting whistle blew. You fell right in front of your crush as an 80-year-old grandma overtook you who then won while you'd disassociated for the rest of the race.

She has to do something about this.

Then her eyes land on the shot glasses spread out on the table and she gets an idea.

No way she's gonna let a friend be so miserable at a party.

Anakin's…. well he's not sure what he feels.

Conflicted, sad, angry, confused….hurt? Yeah definitely that too – a whole lot of it.

This was the third time that you had ditched your weekly hangout plans and though you had definitely missed a few movie nights here and there before, be it due to exams or assignments you had procrastinated or that time when you convinced him to follow this small stray cat into the restricted forest area in your campus and the police showed up and the two of you had to spend majority of the night answering questions and you just stubbornly kept answering that it was the magic kitty of adventure and why wouldn't someone follow her and so they'd made you take a drug test because they thought you were high. With the exasperated look on the police officer's face as he let the two of you go, Anakin could only imagine the kind of answers you'd given him while on the other hand he had been worried shitless throughout his questioning.

He also remembers that as compensation you'd treated him to cheap cough drops flavoured popsicles from the only store that was open that late, and how he had laughed when you'd gagged and made a face after trying some of his ice cream and then how sincere your apology had been for wasting your night together.

He remembers how fast his heart had been beating when he heard your soft lips utter those words, 'your night together' is what you had called it. He wishes he could hear you say such sweet things about your relationship again. Like the first time you'd introduced him as your friend instead of roommate, and the even more exciting upgrade to 'best friend'.

Today, however, you said "extra people". Extra people. Is that all that he was in your life now? Just an extra? Not your best friend, not even your friend, just an extra? Some random person you wouldn't care if they were gone from your life?

The thought saddens him more than it makes him mad and that makes him feel even more stupid. Gosh look at how pathetic he was. You couldn't be bothered to remember your promises, or worse, you were purposefully avoiding him for the past few days like he suspected and here he was– having a pity party in your shared apartment that only taunted him with how unusually silent it was.

Damn this, if you got to just forget about your plans and go out and party like it meant nothing then he could too.

He puts away the soup he had prepared into the flask you usually use before placing it in the refrigerator with a sticky note that said 'heat this up and drink it when you get back, it'll spoil after morning'. He knew it was just an excuse and the soup could last much longer in the fridge, but he had read the weather alert for tonight and didn't want you to get sick like the last time you'd gotten soaked after running home in the rain and old habits die hard and it seems he just can't stop worrying about you even when he was mad at you.

He quickly swaps his sweats for some old jeans but doesn't bother changing his hoodie, if he has only one goal for going out then it wouldn't matter anyways. He catches sight of himself in the mirror in his bedroom which makes him pause for a second. He watches his reflection for a few moments, taking in the frown on his face and a certain emotion that reflects back in his eyes. He's not sure if the reflection is actually pale and blue or if it's just his mind projecting how he feels. He quickly shakes his head and walks back to the living room.

Then he finds his phone and quickly dials his longtime friend, the phone ringing only twice before being picked up.

He forgoes all pleasantries, "Rex. Remember that party you told me about? Yeah, is it still on? Ok good, can you send me the address real quick? Thanks."

He doesn't wait for a reply before he ends the call and puts on his shoes, grabbing his keys and then he's out the door without thinking more about it, or at least trying to.

Somehow the girls have roped you into this stupid drinking game. Well, drinking game for them, for you this just feels like punishment, for what you're not sure.

Maybe this is what you get for letting down Anakin the way you did tonight. You're sure this was the last straw and that he's never going to want to talk to you again. Hell, he could steal all your favourite festive edition oreos that you hoard annually and set fire to that matching sweater he knitted for you and break off your lease and run away with that hot goth chick that flirts with him at his job and you wouldn't even be able to get mad. After all, you're the one who's been running away and avoiding him like a coward, you're the one who's been constantly letting him down by cancelling your plans and going back to your old habits of partying and finding distractions where you can, you're the one that disappointed him again tonight.

You remember the way his face fell when you told him you'd be bailing on your plans again.

That brief expression of hurt on his face was still stuck in your head like a broken CD that gets jammed at one part and doesn't move forward or backwards and the same image just remains frozen on screen. It makes you feel haunted and that again makes you think about how one frown from him was enough to derail all your thoughts, so you can't even imagine how bad it would be if you actually told him the truth. You can't bear to think about the pitiful apologetic look he'd give if you spoke your heart's words, the way he'd say sorry like it was his fault, the way he'd probably want nothing to do with you anymore because he deserves better, because he's so sweet and so nice and so warm and–

snap snap

Padme's fingers hovering in front of your face let you know that you had spaced out once again and the worried expression on her face makes you shake your head with a quick apologetic laugh as you shove your hands forward to get everyone to start the next round. You avoid Padme's inquisitive gaze as all the girls chant the hook of the game before you call out a random number, though your stupid cursed brain ends up choosing Anakin's birthdate.

It somehow manages to bite you in the ass when your hand is the one that lands on top, meaning you have to be the one to take a shot. Well, you would have had to, but since Padme had noticed the number of drinks you'd already had, she forbade you from taking any more, instead encouraging you to switch it out with juice to help you sober up.

Well, you seem to be pretty sober now if that same heaviness in your chest and disinterest in everything around you are anything to go by.

Padme, as always, notices this and blurts out a question (a suspicion more like) that's been on her mind ever since you made a beeline to the drinks right after walking into the party.

You pick up the shot glass with the juice and quickly down it like it was actually alcohol. It felt wrong to sit here drinking and playing and having fun. In the midst of your sulking, you don't notice the look shared between Padme and Satine.

"Truth – what happened with Anakin?"

Oh right, when the girls protested about letting you off easy, Padme had very cleverly suggested the added twist of truth or dare along with taking shots (juice for you). And now that you've finally ended up with your hand at the very top she was going to take her chance.

You almost spit the drink back out at Padme's words, sputtering as you try to wipe the juice before it stains your shirt.

You laugh nervously, "What happened with Anakin?"

Quickly your smile drops, replaced by an expression of serious inquisition, "Wait, what happened with Anakin? Is he okay? Did something happen? Did he call?—"

Padme rolls her eyes but shares an amused look with the rest of the girls.

"No, you tell us what happened with Anakin. You've been miserable all evening, it's worse than when that dude beat you and won the personality contest in the first year."

"Okay— first of all, he looked like a soft-boiled egg and sounded like a whale giving birth. He only won because his daddy was friends with the contest hosts." You huff, "second of all, I get to choose truth or dare and I'm not choosing truth."

"Hmm, too bad. It's already chosen for you and you know we're not moving on till you answer."

You loved your girlfriends for how much they cared but sometimes it was such a pain in the ass.

You raise a brow, "Are you holding me hostage over a question?"

She challenges you with a question of her own, "Are we going to have to go about this the difficult way?"

Did you want to cross paths with a very determined Padme who's already had at least 6 shots in her? (she was, funnily enough, a sore loser in this game, and it would have been entertaining if it weren't for your current situation)

You sigh, lowering your gaze to your fingers, toying with the loose fibres on your jeans, "Anakin and I…fought again."

Padme places a comforting hand on your shoulder, "What happened?"

You drop your head into your hands with a groan, "I bailed on our movie night plans again…"

Suddenly you feel the thump of a pillow hitting your bent head, startling you. You look up to see Satine holding another pillow, as if ready to launch once again.

"What the fuck?"

She startles you once again with the intensity in her voice, "Girl, what the hell?!"

You scrunch your face in confusion, "I mean, that's what I just asked—"

"No, I mean what. the. hell."

All the girls have gone silent, turning their heads from you to Satine as she speaks up once again.

"Why would you do that?!"

"Huh?? You're the one that threw the pillow at me!"

"No— why would you ditch Anakin to come here, dumbass?!"

"Because…you asked me to?"

Padme sighs but remains silent as she watches the exchange between you and Satine.

"So if Padme or I asked you to jump off a bridge—"

You shrug, "Yeah, probably."

Now Satine is the one to drop her head in her hands, pinching the bridge of her nose before taking a deep breath.

This time Padme puts her arm on Satine's shoulder, giving it a squeeze before speaking up, "I think what Satine's trying to say is, how long are you going to pretend?"

You avoid her eyes with a nervous laugh, "Whaaa— pretend? Pfttt I'm not pretending, what uh—what would I be pretending about?"

You look around the group and see that all your girls are looking at you with a 'bish, be fr' look.

You finally groan out, "Ugh, okay — fine! Fine! I'm in love with my roommate and I don't know how to tell him— or if I should even bother telling him at all because it's not like it's going to get us anywhere. Dude is literally handcrafted by the angels and every time I look at his face I'm reminded that this is impossible. Every time I even think about telling him the truth it feels like the stupidest thing ever because— well because why would he go for me when he can have someone so much better? Why would he ever go for a girl like me when he's got that discount Dimitriscu, I mean y'all have seen her— she's tall AND goth, the total package." You look up to see all the girls contemplating before nodding in agreement about the hot goth girl and it does not make you feel any better.

Padme widens her eyes and shoots a look at your girlfriends and they quickly shake their heads. One of them speaks up, stuttering through an awkward laugh, "But don't worry — you're gorgeous too!"

Another girl chimes in right after, "Y-yeah, I mean, you can be – you can be pretty emo and bitchy too, you know?"

All of you turn your heads to look at the redhead girl who just spoke, staring at her with blank faces, making her cower behind the couch pillow in her hands with a mumbled apology.

"Thanks, Patricia." You sigh, "Anyways, it's no use."

Padme rushes to answer you, "Don't say that. What if Anakin does like you? You've been roommates for so long, the two of you are best friends. And I truly don't think Anakin is so cruel to treat you horribly even if you did tell him."

You raise your head to fix her with a half-assed glare, "Padme, the thought of confessing is already enough to make me wanna puke. Do not make me think of his inevitable rejection."

Satine finally breaks her silence, "Why are you so sure that he could never like you?"

You let out a bitter laugh, "Because."

"Because why?"

"Because we could just never be, okay? We are just not like that— Anakin and I together would be a— a fucking joke." You huff out.

"Have you seen him? Have you seen me? You know what he's like. Do you really think we could ever be a thing?"

The sound of a beer bottle dropping to the floor rings out behind you but you pay it no mind, it was a crowded party, maybe someone just ran into someone and dropped their can.

You rub your eyes to try and get rid of the stinging behind them only to lift your head and see all your girlfriends staring right behind you with their eyes wide.

Padme, who had been distracted trying to think of some way to get you to stop being so stupid and pessimistic also turns her head when she realises how silent the group had suddenly become, all staring off to somewhere behind you.

It is only when you hear her gasp as well that you finally snap, "What? Seriously what is it? Is someone in a slutty santa costume twerking to MLK's 'I have a dream' speech again?"

When she doesn't answer, you huff and crane your neck to see for yourself. Your breath hitches in your throat as soon as you catch sight of the person standing just a few feet behind the couch you were sitting on.

Neither of you say anything, but Anakin's brows furrow, you open your mouth to say something, anything, but before you can get a word out he quickly takes a few steps back, spinning on his heels to rush towards the exit.

"Anakin!—"

You quickly get up to follow him, struggling to keep up with his fast pace in the already crowded room. Curse him and his model-like long legs.

"Ani, whatever you heard, whatever you think you heard— it's not like that—"

"Maybe I was dense, but I'm not deaf."

Through the windows you can see the shadow of dark storm clouds gathering.

"No, no— you're not deaf and you're most definitely not dense—"

He suddenly comes to a stop and you nearly crash into his back before he spins around to face you. He lets out a bitter laugh, "I was stupid then."

Loud thunder crackles outside.

You shake your head vehemently, "No, Ani—"

"You hate me."

His face lights up in a bright lightning flash.

"I don't hate you—"

"You said this," he points between the two of you, "is a joke." If you weren't so frenzied and caught up in your own panic you would've noticed that the hurt in his voice largely overshadowed the anger.

You desperately try to explain, becoming more and more aware of the growing crowd around you but honestly, you couldn't give two shits about that right now, "If you knew what I was talking about you'd think so too—"

He fixes you with a sad gaze, "This is why you've been avoiding me all these days?"

When you struggle to meet his eyes he already knows your answer.

He scoffs and starts walking backwards, "I don't want to hear anymore." And you get one last look at him before another bright flash of lightning lights up the sky and then everything goes dark.

The whole house falls quiet and the two of you stand there, blinking at each other in complete silence before someone's voice calls out from the opposite corner of the room.

"Aw man, the power's gone!"

Anakin takes advantage of the darkness and quickly turns around to weave through the crowd.

You desperately call out his name again as you almost push and shove people out of the way because you can't even see where you're going, just following the vague direction of where you think the exit is, "Ani—"

He only quickens his pace, nearly jogging out the door and down the footsteps of this cursed frathouse that you should've never bothered coming to.

Well too late to realise that, huh.

Just as you cross the doorway and jump over the steps to run up to the sidewalk, he's already disappearing out of sight by crossing the road to take a right.

You stand there on the side of the road, chest aching and you're not sure if it's from the sudden exercise or something else.

It's like you're frozen in place, you want to run after him but your feet seem to be stuck to the ground. Only when you hear the sound of more footsteps behind you do you turn.

You see Padme, Satine and the rest of your girls in the doorway, more people crowding behind to see the commotion.

You look at Padme, your brows scrunched in uncertainty.

You wait for a beat, then two. Thunder rumbles in the distance.

"Go get your man, girl!"

That's all you need to hear before you set off running after him, the cheers of your girlfriends echoing behind you in the silent neighbourhood.

divider by @enchanthings-a

a/n: like I said, it's silly and maybe a liiil melodramatic but I had sm fun painting this world in my head, and I hope you enjoyed looking into a part of it!

Pt 2 will be up on Valentine's.

spoiler, next chapter she's going to do this:

haha just kidding.

unless

[amuyyi]

warm enough .

synopsis; recovering from an expected breakup, you find yourself drunk at a nearby bar, encountering an unfamiliar girl who happens to know your ex.

trope; non idol!ningning x fem!reader, uni au, fluff, a little angst, a little suggestive, strangers to lovers, feat. kep1er members :3

wc; 4.8k

cw; a little suggestive but not really

a/n; fun fact this happened to me irl ! figured i could use my experiences for stories ! everything from the breakup to the bar kiss is based on my personal experience so lol have fun. also its kinda poorly written because i wrote some of it while on the plane + in china while being very tired and i dont feel like proofreading so im sorry ^^'

The breakup was supposed to be a mutual thing. A smooth and easy agreement between you and Jimin. You guys met in a cafe when your soon-to-be-ex girlfriend finally dropped the bomb on you. 

“I still care a lot about you, y/n. But I want to focus on myself and my future… I think you should too.”

You wanted to speak up, say that you didn’t want to let go yet. Just… hold on for a little longer. Maybe it’d get better if you guys just kept it going for another week. Another month. Another day?

 “What I’m trying to say is…”

You always hated this part.

“I think we should break up.”

Despite the older girl being the one to initiate the ending of the relationship, you always knew it was coming. Jimin was sweet, and you definitely did enjoy the little dates you guys had been on through the past year, but there was something missing. Every time she looked at you, it seemed like she was looking through your eyes into her own. Her mind was always elsewhere whenever you two were together, like she was searching for something you couldn’t provide. She never seemed to smile around you, never laughed loudly or hugged you with warmth. 

You really tried to be the person for her, you really did; but it was apparent that she was trying to convince herself you were the one as well.

It was shown in the way she bought you endless gifts with things you said you wanted, but never kissed you, In the way she would allow you to hold her hand, but never reached out herself, how she couldn’t bring herself to say “I love you” out loud. Jimin was cold.

You agreed that this was the best path to take, how you felt the exact same way and that it would be good for the both of you, but the tears that nonconsensually left your eyes said otherwise. You still remember the last words you told her before you got up to leave.

“I really hoped it was you.”

There's a saying or the other. “Your body will know if someone is right for you.” You came across it while aimlessly scrolling on social media once, and you thought it was an interesting but ridiculous concept. Countless people would share stories about how their hair would fall out or how they would break out into horrible acne when they were with their past partners, only being relieved from this when single or with their “match.”

It was funny, and you didn’t believe one bit of it until it actually happened. The tightness in your chest that followed you every time you two went out together, the stress of wondering if she actually enjoyed her company, the way you couldn’t truly relax in her presence– it all went away. It all left when she walked out of your life, and you’ve never felt more at peace with a decision. At least, for a little bit.

The breakup was the easy part. It was the recovery that ruined you.

You were the one to establish a rule of no contact, even after you both expressed wanting to stay in touch. It was your only way to hold on to the last sliver of pride you had left after spending a year chasing after Yu Jimin. The rule was established to allow you some time to heal, and you hoped to return to the girl as friends once you felt ready.

With this in mind, you then proceeded to spend a month barely eating, barely sleeping, and not leaving your apartment unless you needed to for classes. It was difficult to be on your own after dedicating so much time to her, falling behind, hoping that she would see you the way you saw her; but after about a month, you slowly felt yourself regaining your footing.

You started going out again, talking with your roommate, taking time to actually care for yourself. It was nice. Perhaps your progress would have left you comfortable enough to move on if you didn’t decide to go out that day.

There she was. Yu Jimin. After an exact 31 days of no contact with her, you finally cross paths. Quite literally, at that– but she wasn’t alone. There was a girl on her arm. She was pretty. Blonde with bobbed hair and a soft smile that made it impossible to hate her. Jimin was smiling too. This is the first time you’ve seen her smile like that, smiling as if she found what she was looking for after all of this time. She doesn't look past her. She sees her.

Jimin holds the other girl by the small of her waist the way she used to do with you, and she kisses her. She kissed her. Just like how she used to kiss you, but not exactly. There's love in her eyes. A warmth you’ve never seen before. In her eyes, there is certainty.

And that was the day your world came crashing down on top of you.

You tried to act normal as you walked past. You really did. Your eyes remain glued to your phone as your knuckles turn white. Her eyes didn’t even meet yours as you walked by. Why wouldn't she look at you? Maybe she's wondering why you won't look at her. That must be it. You hold your breath. As soon as she passed by, you couldn’t help yourself. You made the mistake of looking back.

…Nothing.

As soon as Jimin was out of sight, you cried. You ran home, scaring half the life out of your poor roommate, Xiaoting, as you collapsed in your bed. Everything hurts. Why did it hurt? You wanted this. You felt better without her— the tightness in your chest was gone. 

Instead, it was replaced by an indescribably painful ache. One that felt so deep within your soul it would never heal. Quietly entering your room, Xiaoting says nothing as she sits next to your limp body on the bed, rubbing your back comfortingly. The gesture only makes you sob even harder. 

She's been with you through it all. From the beginning of your relationship with Jimin till the end, she was there. Xiaoting really was a good friend.

From then on, Xiaoting’s one goal was simple: cheer you up. She would cook at least once for you every day despite not being the best chef, and she would allow you to rant about the same things over and over no matter how overbearing it got. Honestly, you started to feel a little bad. She shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for you just because you’re a little sad.

So when Xiaoting announces that you will be joining her at the bar with her friends tonight, you couldn't say no. Both because she stated it, not asked you, and that it simply was the least you could do for her. Especially after everything she’s done for you. Before you knew it, you were dressed up in your best (slutty) corset top and cargo pants with some hoops and over exaggerated makeup to accent the look. Xiaoting, as your best roommate and friend, matches with you, and you two make a big scene out of getting ready together; blasting music, doing each other's hair, borrowing each other's clothes, and more.

Xiaoting’s girlfriend Yujin had made herself at home for the pregame, and your mutual friend Hikaru soon followed. With Xiaoting as designated bartender, the four of you mingle, laughing and cracking jokes as the warmth of the alcohol and one another’s presence left you with a warming buzz. Xiaoting was an excellent mixer, and in combination with the chasers Hikaru bought and the drinking games Yujin proposed, you were all ready to go. 

Xiaoting and Yujin led the way, hand in hand as you and Hikaru trailed behind, drunkenly singing into the cold night air as you trek to the nearest bar.

Being a Friday night, the establishment had been as packed as expected, and you all squeezed your way past other visitors as you’re guided to a nearby table. Xiaoting starts off strong, ordering shots for the entire group before utilizing her combined charm alongside her girlfriend’s looks to convince guys to purchase drinks for everyone as well. You couldn’t help but laugh at the way the duo would bat their eyelashes innocently at lone men for drinks– but at least it worked.

Lazily, your eyes wander through the crowd, the alcohol in your system making it a struggle to see straight. Despite your inability to see properly, you still manage to catch a glimpse of your friends from the corner of your eye, and easily spot Yujin attempting to very publicly make out with Xiaoting as Hikaru struggles to pull her away. You stifle a laugh at the sight, and decide to leave the three to their antics whilst you look for someone to talk to.

It's been a while since you last struck up a conversation with a stranger. The last time you had put yourself out there was before you met… 

You shake your head. No. You are not letting your stupid ex ruin your night. Knitting your brows in concentration, you scan the bar. There were plenty of pretty girls to talk to, but you were feeling a little intimidated. Almost all of them came with at least one other person, and you didn’t want to intrude on anything…

 Your eyes landed on a lone blonde at the end of the table, scrolling through her phone with alcohol flushed cheeks. She seemed approachable. Worst case scenario, she simply shoos you off. Taking a deep breath, you approach the blonde, deciding to pull out your best conversation starter.

“Are you chinese? You look chinese!!” You exclaim, suddenly switching to mandarin in the middle of your sentence as you ask the question. Smooth.

The blonde girl looks as if she would’ve been extremely offended at the comment if you didn't just speak to her in her native tongue halfway through your sentence, and she quirks a brow at you, an amused smirk on her lips as she leans against the bar. 

“Yeah, I am! What's a cutie like you doing in a place like this alone??” 

You feel your heart begin to race. So far so good. “I'm not alone!!! My friends are just busy making out with each other and the other is trying to stop them!!” You also lean on the bar, though not as alluring as the blonde before you. More like you partially collapsed and partially slid on it.

She chortles at your response, “well that's not fair to you, leaving you here all alone.”

The sweet and somewhat sultry tone of the blonde makes (non alcohol induced) blush appear on your face as you laugh, “it really isn't! But whatever! My name is y/n by the way!! What's yours??” You scream over the music, sticking your hand out. It was an unexpectedly polite gesture considering your circumstances, and perhaps it may have seemed a bit comical as well with how drunk you were.

She giggles at the response, grabbing your hand then pulling you in, her lips dangerously close to your ear as she yells over the music, “Ning Yizhuo. But call me Ningning! It's cuter!”

You grin. Ningning was a cute nickname. You decided at this very moment you could trust this cute stranger with your life story and personal information she didn’t ask for, and begin to slur out.

“My friends dragged me out here because I was sad over my ex who moved on from me a month after the breakup even though we dated for a year and she's a big jerk for that even though I wish only the best for her but also I hope she dies!!!”

None of the words you spoke just now came out clear, and they seemed to trip over one another when leaving your mouth, but it was enough for the other girl to go from extremely relaxed to suddenly very heated. She stands up straight as her eyebrows knit together.

“To be honest I don’t think she ever really liked me in the first place! I don’t know!! Whatever it doesn’t matter!!!” You continue on, sounding absolutely pathetic as you let yourself feel through the anger you didn’t even know you were repressing, “I was stupid to stay with someone who couldn’t even look me in the eye when saying she loved me!! She was stupid to do the same!! Whatever!! I don’t know!!”

Ningning cuts you off with a raised hand before you can continue, “what the hell?! I hate people like that!!  You're wayyyy too hot to be treated that way! Who is she? What's her name?? I might know her!!”

Against your better drunken judgment, you decide to name drop your ex within a university bar. Because that is always a good idea. “Yu Jimin!! She's a engineering major !!!”

Ningning’s jaw drops as she stares at you, almost as if she were trying to find the correct words for what she has to say next.

“Girl, I know her !!!” She screams out after a brief moment of silence,  “we shared a class together once!! Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't know she was like that!! You deserve BETTER!” 

Before you could even think of what to say in reaction to that heavy load of information, Ningning grabs your face, pulling you into a kiss. It was a very messy one, her lips almost missing your own during the exchange. Seems like she's not entirely sober either. 

Still, even in your drunken state you knew what to do. Your hands immediately find Ningnings hair as you pull her in closer, and you can feel her smiling as she grazes her tongue over the bottom of your lip. 

You open your mouth to let her in and the only thing that you can think of or even feel for that matter is Ningning and her tongue. She… was really good at this. Jimin never kissed you like this before. Her hands trail down your back to your ass before she squeezes it, smirking when you squirm against her touch.

She breaks the kiss, her face inches away from yours as she breathes out, “you deserve so much better…” Ningning gives you a quick peck on the lips before stepping back, taking in her work with a devilish glint in her eyes. You stare at her dumbfounded for a moment before whipping out your phone, fully talking in your appearance. Your hair and makeup were a wreck. How did all of that happen just now?

“Done by yours truly~” Ningning winks at you, quickly slipping your phone out of your hand and typing something in.

“Wh— Wait what are you doing?”

“Giving you my number, obviously. My girls are gonna wonder where I went.” She hands back your phone and looks at you with soft eyes through her drunken daze. 

“Take care of yourself, yeah?” Ningning kisses you one last time, giving your hand a squeeze before letting go. She disappears into the crowd of partygoers, a sly fox-like grin on her face.

“There you are!” 

You feel an arm land on your shoulder as you jump, twirling around and looking down to see a drunk Hikaru with a slightly less drunk Xiaoting and an absolutely hammered Yujin on her side.

“We should probably head back home!” Xiaoting screams into your ear, “Hikaru’s gonna knock out on the couch and Yujin will be with me!”

Her words barely make it through to you, the music and the alcohol and the adrenaline within your system muffling out every word spoken. Regardless, you still nod and trail behind your friends as you leave, not all too sure what just happened.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You lay in bed, eyes practically burning holes into the new contact in your phone. “宁宁<3” is what it said. 

So last night wasn’t just a dream. You really did just get a girl's number by doing nothing but spilling your secrets to a stranger. On top of all of that, your head was absolutely killing you, you swore you could feel your heartbeat within your brain. Still, that wasn’t important. Biting your lip, your fingers hover over the contact name. Should you message her? 

y/n [10:59]  — hey !! its y/n, the girl from the bar

y/n [10:59]  — thanks for keeping me company last night :)

ningning [11:06]  — i was wondering if u were gonna text me back

ningning [11:06] — and of course <3 jimin doesn’t know what she lost

y/n [11:08] — haha im flattered

y/n [11:08]  — but u barely know me??

ningning [11:11]  — that can change xx

Your eyes widen as you reread the text over and over again. Is she implying what you think she's implying? What if she's just being friendly? Can you even platonically make out with someone at the bar?

y/n [11:16] — are u asking me out on a date ning yizhuo ?

You wait. 

Oh god. What if she was just being friendly?

ningning [11:18]  — only if youll have me 

You feel yourself blush at her message, burying your face into your pillow as you squeal like a high school teenager in love. It was embarrassing in hindsight, but.. it felt nice to be wanted. 

y/n [11:19] —  of course

ningning [11:19] — perfect <3 

ningning [11:20] — dinner at my place tonight then? 

ningning [11:20] — If youre not too hungover.. 

ningning [11:20] — i got the best hangover cures ;)

you can't help but arch your eyebrow at the winky face she added at the end but brushed it off, more focused on the fact that your drunk hatred towards your ex landed you a date. 

You scramble to your feet and (metaphorically) kick down Xiaoting’s door, abruptly waking the girl from her nap as she screams out, “WO CAO!” She places a hand over her heart as she bolts up within her bed, immediately letting out a sigh of relief when she realizes it was just you. 

“Girl what the HELL is wrong with you?!” She hisses, laying back down and throwing the blanket over her head.

You, being the ever loving and best roommate ever, respond to this by jumping into bed with (on top of) the redhead and squeezing her as tight as you can while screaming “I HAVE A DATE!!!”

Xiaoting shoots back up, your arms still latched onto her torso as she looks down at you, eyes wide. “Wait, are you serious?”

You hear a low groan and a hand slapping your arm as you roll your eyes, slapping the arm back as the voice of Yujin grumbles out and shuffles deeper within the sheets.

Both you and Xiaoting look at one another and giggle before she quietly slips out of bed, quickly placing a kiss on Yujins head before grabbing your arm and leading you out of her room. Once outside, she firmly grasps your shoulders. 

“Okay, now tell me everything.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

You nervously stand outside of Ningnings apartment, bag clutched in hand as you look back behind you. Xiaoting sat within her car on the side of the road, keeping an eye on you to make sure this girl wasn’t going to kidnap you or the other.

The two of you (and soon enough Yujin and Hikaru) had spent the day giving you pointers on how to go about the date. They had thrown an ungodly amount of clothes your way as well as telling you endless conversation starters and compliments to give another person. By the end of it all your head was overflowing with information that you were going to forget as soon as you head out the door, and all of your closet was sprawled on your bedroom floor and in the living room. Still, the girls seemed quite proud of their work.

All of you had consecutively agreed on an outfit that was nice, but not too nice. You wore a plaid skirt paired with a simple tank top and an off the shoulder cardigan.

Holding your breath, you ring the doorbell. You really hoped this wasn’t a mistake. When was the last time you were actually on a date with someone? You couldn't remember. After a few moments of silence, you hear shuffling followed by the door unlocking and Ningning poking her head out shyly. Her eyes light up at the sight of you before opening the door completely, revealing her outfit.

She wore an oversized plaid button up, unintentionally matching with your skirt alongside baggy jeans and some bunny slippers you thought were incredibly cute. Her hair was tied up in a messy but charming bun, held up by a hair stick with small gemstones dangling from the end.

This Ningning was completely different from the one you had met at the bar last night. Though, you suppose you were a different person now as well.

“You're here! Come in come in!” She grabs your hand and guides you inside. Flustered, you spare a quick glance behind you, and you can spot the silhouette of Xiaoting throwing a thumbs up from her car before Ningning closes the door behind you.

“You look gorgeous today, by the way,” Ningning compliments, her thumb rubbing over your fingers as she walks you through her apartment. The gesture makes your cheeks warm, and you find yourself easing into her touch like putty. It was a touch that was loving. Kind. Intentional. 

Her home was cozy, with white walls paired alongside warm lighting and paintings and other wall art lining the interior. There was an appetizing aroma that wafted through the air, and you had remembered that Ningning had offered to cook for you.

“What have you prepared for us tonight, chef Ningning?” You ask, squeezing her hand as she grins, “Well it's not much, I'm not a really good cook but I decided to make us some dumplings! A little basic, but it's the only dish I feel like I’ve actually perfected.”

“I hope this is the hangover cure you mentioned” you comment lightheartedly, and you sense a playful energy in the way she looks back at you.

“You'll find out soon enough.”

You once again find yourself quirking a brow at her vague answers, but she simply smiles at you innocently and you find yourself smiling back. It was hard to not be amused by her.

Ningning guides you to the kitchen, which was cleaned perfectly for your arrival. On the center of the table were multiple bamboo steamer baskets, as well as a large tea pot and a simple glass bottle with various native wildflowers as a centerpiece. 

The other girl pulls out a chair for you, and you teasing grin at the polite gesture, “how romantic, Ninging~”

She rolls her eyes and giggles before settling down herself, instantaneously pouring you a cup of tea as she gestures at the baskets, “go on, dig in. I’ll be personally offended if you don’t.”

Chuckling, you open up the baskets, releasing clouds of steam before revealing multiple handmade dumplings with various fillings and differing folding styles. Your eyes widen, and you simply comment, “wow,” before taking the first bite of the food.

To say that it tasted amazing was an understatement– you practically felt like you were thrown back to the motherland with a single bite, and it wasn’t long before you were filling your plate with more.

The two of you had spent the rest of the evening getting to know one another more. You had learned she was a computer science major and going onto her third year of uni, as well as the fact she was from Harbing whilst you shared that you were from Shanghai. 

“Big city girl, huh?” Ningning amusedly comments, sipping on her tea as you roll your eyes, “yeah… But I'm not rich or anything before you ask.”

The blonde feigns rejection as she snaps her fingers, “damn. I was gonna ask you to buy drinks next time we head to the bars, I think you owe me. ” She smiles at you, and it's warm.

You liked this. You liked how easy it was to talk to her. It was never this easy before.

Soon enough you had ended up on Ningning’s couch, browsing through movies aimlessly as the hefty meal threatened to send you into a food coma. The blonde lay comfortably in your arms underneath a blanket, her eyes occasionally fluttering shut as you continued to search for something to watch.

“Hmm, what about… Velocipastor?” The name completely throws you off guard, prompting you to click on it, skimming over the description as you feel the vibration of Ninging lazily humming beneath you. 

“Oh that movie is really good, trust me.”

“... Really? Are you sure, Ning?”

“Yeah yeah…” Her eyes were already shut as she spoke, nuzzling in closer to you as you chuckle, putting on the movie as you wrap your arms around her, pulling her in closer. 

Honestly, the movie seemed to be an excuse for the girl to be physically close to you– maybe get a nap in? You weren’t even sure if she was watching the movie at this point. Still, maybe it was for the best. Velocipastor was definitely not well funded within its production, that much could be seen. Plus, you couldn't complain about having a cute girl in your arms.

“Does your head still hurt?”

Ningning’s soft voice rings out, startling you. Honestly, you were getting pretty invested in the film, you had thought she already fell asleep.

“Mmm, a little. I don’t think your hangover cure worked.”

“Oh, the dumplings weren’t the cure.”

Your head cocks to the side as you tear your gaze away from the tv screen, looking down at the girl nestled on your chest as she looks back up at you. There was that all too familiar glint in her eyes again.

“Then what is?”

A mischievous grin curls on her lips before she leans in, connecting her lips with yours. Still a bit sluggish from the night before alongside a hefty meal, her kissing was a bit sloppy, but it was soft. Much softer than before.

You feel yourself almost immediately sigh into the kiss, and you would have found it embarrassing if she didnt guide her hand up your chest, to your neck, and into your hair, soon deepening the kiss. 

Not expecting things to escalate so soon, you couldn’t help but let out a soft whimper as your hands landed on her hips, nails digging into her sides desperately as she laughs against your lips, pulling back. 

“You’re really cute, y’know?” She purrs, using her hand to brush a strand of hair out of your face, and you can see the hint of pink spread across her lips as she smiles, drinking in the sight of you.

Before you even have a chance to respond, Ningning tackles your jawline, trailing kisses down your face and onto your neck. You try to respond, but when she starts to nip the side of your neck, the words you wanted to say somehow managed to melt into complete mush.

“Mmhmmhgh…” 

The sound that escapes your lips allows you the chance to actually feel embarrassed, and you slam a hand over your lips, looking away from Ninging. Your response elicits another laugh from the blonde, and you swear you could listen to the sound forever. 

Her symphony soon quiets though, and Ningning looks you straight in the eye, her gaze softening as she opens her mouth, struggling to find the right words to say.

“Look, I know we just met…” she trails off for a moment, almost a bit shy to continue, “but if you want to give me a chance and see where this goes, I promise I’ll treat you so well.” 

Her eyes are filled with genuine desire for you, and you couldn’t help but feel… Isolated? Targetted? For the first time you feel like you’re seen, and you don’t know what to do about it.

She presses on, “I’d really like to see you again, and I know you’re going through a lot right now but I want to be there with you every step of the way. I want to see where this takes us.”

“I want you, y/n.”

Your face heats up instantaneously, and you swear your eyes were threatening to bulge out of your skull right then and there. You look at her in silence as you struggle to find your words, and after a few seconds you finally croak out,

“I… I want to see where this takes us too, Ningning.”

Her eyes brighten at your response, and she beams, pulling you into a tight hug on the couch before interlocking her lips with yours once again. You giggle into the kiss, and throw the blanket over the two of you as the movie on the tv buzzed on. For the first time, you found someone warm enough for you.

[xamag-draws]

BBR thoughts 2024

Since I mentioned that I finally dusted off an old project of mine and was ruminating on how I'd remake it, I thought I'd elaborate a little, now that I've solidified some concepts. For funsies

This is gonna be a bit of a long and unfocused one, but I don't share my personal thoughts here often, especially the stuff about my projects I always marinate in. And for once it's something that people have existing context for, so hey why not

So for anyone who hasn't been following me for a gajillion years, The Black Brick Road of OZ was a webcomic that I posted around 2013-2015, back when I was in highschool going on college (which is kinda crazy to think about). It was sort of a darker twist on The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, although I definitely leaned a lot more into dark humor more than anything in those first few chapters

I don't think it's available to read anywhere anymore, and I know people have been asking me about it. So here's the full proper archive of BBR, as full as it can be with deceased Flash

I totally used it as an excuse to shamelessly and self-indulgently experiment. It had interactive pages and GIFs and was wayyy too overproduced for what I could handle or what was necessary, but I did have great fun making it while it lasted

Unfortunately, that excess and the fact that I've changed too much as a person by the time I was in college is what ultimately killed it. The direction I wanted to go in was practically unrecognizable from the original idea started back in 2011, so there were many old hold-ups that I felt ruined it

At the time I kinda wished I could start/rewrite it all over, but considering that I pretty much had the entire script done at that point, it felt like a pointless sisyphean task. So I just put it on a shelf and didn't look back for about 8 years, because I didn't know what else to do

Now to be fair, the nature of my art has always been iterative and cyclical; when I feel like my creative juices have run dry I prefer to leave a project to marinate and move on to something else; cycle through other old things and bring in new skills and perspectives into the mix when I'm ready again. Not very productive, but it is what makes me happy to work on my OCs; I'm doomed to hit a wall with them eventually and I need some time to be able to find a new direction

So that said, I'm glad that BBR was left to marinate for that long. I don't think I was prepared, emotionally or intellectually, to tackle it again until now. The Wizard of Oz book (and the entire series of them, really) has always been near and dear to my heart, but there's a lot of context around it that I'm only unpacking now that I'm older

I think I always inherently feel negatively about the stuff I've made in the past, like its faults always jump out to me more than the positives, especially the more time passes. I've never liked that, and I do really appreciate the kind things people have to say about BBR to this day. The fact that it still can be recognized and remembered is very sweet

When I left it, I already found it "kinda cringe", and that feeling only deepened with years. When I took my first look back at it, asking the question "how would I rewrite it now?", at first I took a very cynical approach, as in "everything would have to be torn down"

But the more I sat on it, the more I found that I still see some merit and charm in the ideas I was putting out; I just didn't know how to execute them at the time (not to pretend that I know what I'm doing now, but I certainly know more at least). Turns out a lot of my old concepts could be changed substantially with just a few small tweaks. So I'd say that's a nicer way to think about my previous work

If you haven't seen yet, I posted a first draft of my new designs for some of the characters (the main group, the Goods and the Wickeds). Definitely subject to change, but more or less how I see them now

I'm just playing with these concepts; by no means would I attempt to remake BBR right this moment. Call it a pipe dream among my other ones. But just for fun, this is the direction I'd like to take:

Nowadays I'd probably make it a visual novel, with more emphasis on the visual part than the novel because I'm no English prose writer by any means. It'd still let me play a little with the interactivity while helping cut some corners on the drawing part (only some, I imagine I'd go hog wild anyway)

I've always intended for some events inspired by the sequel books to take place in BBR's past. Stuff like Jinjur's revolt or Ozma's rule preceeds the main events here. So I think it would be fun to follow the past of a few key characters alongside the main story. One chapter focusing on the present quest to see the Wizard, then one focusing on the past events (that are maybe reflective thematically); rinse and repeat

I'm also sticking a little closer to the original text in some regards. Not everything that I enjoy from the books would be translated here, it's still just a very loose fantasy on the material; but I'd like to be closer in spirit at least

I like mature, wise and powerful Glinda, I like kind and vulnerable Tin Man, I like the Wizard being a pathetic yet loveable liar, so I'm sprinkling in more of that for example

I'd like to keep some whimsy, but make it more grounded and a bit more serious to be coherent in tone. I think the original TWWOOZ book was a more realistic fantasy in some ways, even for the standards of the time; I like its simple but vivid tactile descriptions and details like bringing attention that Dorothy needed to eat and sleep

I find it funny that Baum specifically was averse to making his books scary or unpleasant, finding that unnecessary for telling a compelling kids story, but they still can get pretty dark and disturbing, at least for our modern sensibilities. Let's just say that I intend to use the Evoldo and Chopfyt storylines for my purposes. In that way, I feel like a "darker" Wizard of Oz retelling can still mostly be tonally in line with the original and balance it with enough heart and occasional humor

I slowly grew to appreciate the quaint old-timey quality of the original series, as well. The first book is both timeless and very much a product of the 1900s. Originally I tried to give it a little modern or at least anachronistic spin, but it was moreso because it's what I knew best, so these days I'd rather intentionally lean into the time period. Still not fully historically accurate by any means, but at least directly acknowledging the influence

The events of the story span across 40 years of these characters' lives, so I'm drawing inspiration from the entire so-called La Belle Epoque: the time period around 1880s-1920s. Basically I'm cooking, and my soup is old Victorian fashion morphing into Edwardian fashion and slowly inching towards flappers

Some new Dolly outfits

Lots of crazy things, political changes and innovations were happening at the turn of the century, which I think is noted and reflected by Baum in the books as well; the character of Tik-Tok might not blow any minds now, but he was one of the first robot characters in literature at that point; and don't even get me started on Jinjur, etc. Plenty of really interesting stuff one could lightly ponder in an Oz adaptation these days

Aesthetically, art nouveau has always been a big artistic influence for me, and it'd definitely be its time to shine here. John R. Neill's illustrations of the Oz books often keep me company as well. Nouveau architecture in particular fits that fairytale whimsy extremely well imo

I'd allow myself a little bit of art deco here and there, but ultimately its intimidating geometrical splendor is an antithetical to the flowery nature of nouveau and I associate it with a completely different era. Definitely fitting some characters like my Wicked Witch of the West, but shouldn't be overused

One of my main problems with the original BBR was that eventually I lost track of what it was even about; and the original ending felt too mean and unfulfilling to be worth it. Now I'd like to stick to the theme of home and family as my main theme, but in a different, more bittersweet way than in the book

An interesting connection I made is that a lot of my aforementioned older key characters (the Witches, Jinjur, the Nome King, etc) all came from the same reformatory as kids, that's how they know each other. In my recent research I learned that in those reformatories it was usually frowned upon to release the children back to the families, which were seen as the original corrupting influence regardless of the circumstance. The reformatory did everything in its power to cut that connection and make itself the only family those wayward kids were supposed to know and love. That's an unexpected tie into the theme of home that I'd like to explore as well

So yeah that's the current state of it. I have a bunch of outfit concepts I'm slowly cooking, although I'm now sure whether I'd post them... But I do miss these funny guys, and I'm glad some people still do as well :)

[torahoes]

(IDOLiSH7) Minami Natsume - 16 STAR SIGNS Rabbit Chat

Please note that I am not a professional translator. If you come across any mistakes, feel free to let me know and I will make the necessary corrections.

Minami Natsume: So? What are your thoughts on my home?

Torao Mido: I mean… it’s not like this is the first time I’ve been here

Minami Natsume: That's true, but while we’re at it, you should share your impressions here on Rabbit Chat. I’m sure the fans would be curious about what my home is like.

Torao Mido: So that’s what this is about? I was wondering what was up when you suddenly told me to come over

Minami Natsume: My, for someone who's been with so many women, you don’t seem to understand a woman’s heart very well.

Torao Mido: That’s all in the past. I’m done with that stuff now.

Minami Natsume: So, you’ve stopped playing with fire. Well then, if anything in the room catches your eye, let me know through Rabbit Chat.

Torao Mido: Right

Torao Mido: Maybe the piano

Minami Natsume: Anything else?

Torao Mido: What’s that marble stick thing?

Minami Natsume: It’s a rolling pin. I’ve gotten really into baking bread lately.

Torao Mido: Really? You?

Minami Natsume: Kneading dough is quite fun. I take out all my daily frustrations on it as I knead with all my strength.

Torao Mido: Sounds like I’d get cursed if I ate that bread…

Minami Natsume: That might be fun too, don't you think?

Minami Natsume: But you seem to be drawn to surprisingly ordinary things. I thought your choices would be a bit more unexpected.

Torao Mido: I mean, is there even anything that unusual here? Your place is clean, organized, and there's hardly any stuff lying around

Minami Natsume: Oh, there is. In this drawer right here

Torao Mido: What is it

Minami Natsume: Try opening it

Torao Mido: Th

Torao Mido: That scared the hell out of me!!!!

Minami Natsume: It’s a toy snake that pops out. Amusing, isn’t it?

Torao Mido: You always have stuff like this ready?!

Minami Natsume: Of course not. I only prepared them because you were coming. Getting to hear your pitiful little scream made it all worthwhile.

Torao Mido: “Them”? So there’s more of this stuff....

Minami Natsume: Naturally. Please enjoy yourself

Torao Mido: I don't think that's going to be happening, and for the record, I did not make any pitiful noises

Minami Natsume:

Minami Natsume: Now then, shall we begin the interview? Mido-san, please take a seat on that sofa

Torao Mido: Damn it... I totally got sucked into your pace. But from here on, I’m taking charge as the interviewer, got it?

Torao Mido: First question: “16 STAR SIGNS” is a project where each of us gets a birthday store. How did you feel about it, Minami?

Minami Natsume: I felt happy. And I felt joy in the fact that I could truly feel happy.

Minami Natsume: We were meant to be a temporary group, and yet here we are, looking ahead to the next birthday project. The person I am now understands just how much of a luxury and a blessing that truly is.

Minami Natsume: And when I think about how those who care solely about me will come visit the store, it simply feels great.

Torao Mido: I get it. I went to the store with Mitsuki Izumi since our events were held at the same time

Torao Mido: I really got to see for myself just how many people we, ŹOOĻ, are making smile. It was a great experience.

Torao Mido: Yours is being held at the same time as Rokuya's, right? Why not go with him?

Minami Natsume: You want me to invite him?

Torao Mido: Doesn’t matter who does it first, does it?

Minami Natsume: Easy for you to say. I bet Izumi-san invited you first, didn’t he?

Torao Mido: How’d you know....

Minami Natsume: We’re alike in some ways, after all

Torao Mido: You think...? So unless he invites you, you won’t go with him, huh.

Minami Natsume: I didn’t say that. I suppose I wouldn’t be entirely opposed to accompanying him.

Torao Mido: H-$@#%

Torao Mido: Now why the hell did a toy snake fall from above!?!?!

Minami Natsume: I told you to enjoy yourself, didn’t I?

Minami Natsume: That smug look on your face, like "I've already done it so it doesn't matter," was just a little irritating.

Torao Mido: So I was called here just to be pranked, huh…

Torao Mido: But seriously, you can go alone if you want, but I really think you should pay it a visit. Even though it was my birthday, the fans were so happy, like it was their own. They find real value in creating more memories with us.

Torao Mido: Getting to witness that up close — it’s not something you can experience often

Minami Natsume: I know

Minami Natsume: There are people who have embraced the kind of music I create — the kind that bares its fangs and raises a middle finger to the world

Minami Natsume: People who look up to us, ŹOOĻ, with eyes sparkling, as if searching for stars in this city's night sky.

Minami Natsume: He once told me that my music could change the world...

Minami Natsume: I want to witness it all with my own two eyes.

Torao Mido: Then it’s settled. Do your best and go invite Rokuya.

Minami Natsume: Do you want to get bitten by a snake again?

Torao Mido: Seriously, why!? Alright, whatever, next question. Tell us which of the displayed visuals you chose to sign, and why you chose it.

Minami Natsume: Of course. It's the one from when I appeared on “RADIO STATION ‘Twelve Hits!’”

Minami Natsume: Signing toward the camera made me feel a bit like an athlete, which was fun. And also because of that night after the radio show, when we all went to a bar and I played the piano — I still haven’t forgotten that day.

Torao Mido: Come to think of it, you invited us out to dinner that day, didn’t you? That was pretty rare back then, so I remember it too.

Minami Natsume: It was around the time we had just started to build trust among ourselves, bit by bit. I wanted to express my feelings in my own way to the comrades I’d be charging through the wilds with, so I gathered my courage and invited everyone.

Torao Mido: I was happy you did

Torao Mido: And I’m also happy you called us your comrades just now

Minami Natsume: You are my comrades. Fierce and aggressive, beautiful, wounded beasts.

Minami Natsume: You three are the only ones who can pour your souls into my songs and raise your middle fingers to the world without hesitation.

Torao Mido: Nice. That almost sounds like a love confession

Minami Natsume: My love is heavy to bear, you see. [1]

Torao Mido: I know, I’m prepared for it

Torao Mido: Alright, the next one’s an original question from me. What’s the one thing you want most right now?

Minami Natsume: The thing I want? Coming from you, I was expecting something more romantic like, “Who do you want to look at the stars with?”

Torao Mido: Fine, let me rephrase it

Torao Mido: For your birthday, we're going to give you the best night ever, so tell me — what’s the one thing you instinctively desire right now?

Minami Natsume: Thank you for such a lovely offer.

Minami Natsume: Then, I’d like to spend some leisurely time with all of you.

Torao Mido: Hm, not a night cruise, or a suite stay, or a fancy French dinner — just some time with us, huh?

Minami Natsume: My, but isn’t that the most indulgent and irreplaceable thing of all? Time can’t be bought with money, after all.

Torao Mido: Can’t be bought with money, huh

Torao Mido: Yeah… I can understand it now. The value of something like that.

Minami Natsume: Then how about we eat some delicious cake together while you all shower my songs with praise?

Torao Mido: That “shower with praise” part is so you, Minami

Minami Natsume: Naturally. Not only is my love heavy to bear, but I’m also rather greedy.

Minami Natsume: Once I get attached, I’m fiercely devoted, steadfast, and selfish.

Torao Mido: You really are perfect for ŹOOĻ. A beast through and through

Torao Mido: Last one, Minami. Say something to your fans.

Minami Natsume: Understood. Thank you for loving me and my music. Because of you, I can keep singing. Because of you, I can stand on stage and keep longing for more cheers.

Minami Natsume: Even if others mock us, you still chose to find us. That alone has become the driving force behind all my strength.

Minami Natsume: I've always wanted to clash with someone with my heart laid bare, share pain and form a real connection like this. And it was all of you who made that wish come true.

Minami Natsume: I love you, everyone. I might end up crying at our next performance from being overwhelmed, so when that happens, please comfort me.

Torao Mido: That was a surprisingly sweet message.

Minami Natsume: I may have let my guard down since I'm being interviewed in my own home.

Torao Mido: I’ll bring Haruka and Touma next time too. I'm sure they'd enjoy it here

Minami Natsume: I may not be able to offer much in the way of hospitality, but I’ll be sure to hide toy snakes in every corner.

Torao Mido: Haruka might find it funny, but Touma’s probably gonna fall flat on his ass lol

Minami Natsume: That's perfect. I absolutely need to see that, so let’s have a takoyaki party here soon.

Torao Mido: Takoyaki, huh? Just let me do the flipping part

Minami Natsume: That's the part everyone wants to do.

Minami Natsume: I won’t back down on this. Let’s settle it with a game of "Acchi Muite Hoi!" [2] The winner gets the flipping rights.

Torao Mido: Ugh… but you’re too good at that…

Minami Natsume:

The End.

-------------

[1] - Yes...... he's referencing Torao's "Ore wa omoi ze" line from Sasagero -You Are Mine- .........

[2] - Acchi Muite Hoi! (あっち向いてホイ, “Look That Way!”) is a quick Japanese game played after rock-paper-scissors. The winner points in a direction while saying “Acchi Muite Hoi,” and the loser tries to look in a different direction. If they match, the pointer wins; if not, the game resets.