#and i was tweaking a bit because like... tf was WRONG

[slime-crafters]

There is nothing more humiliating than being stumped by a skyrim puzzle. It's like if a toddler KO'd Mike Tyson

[seilahdiaries]

𝗕𝗔𝗕𝗬 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞. 𓍯𓂃

IN WHICH the greasers mess up and regret it .

warnings swearing, tiny angst, fluff, the boys are down bad😭 𝓯! reader x the outsiders .

𓍼 i think i could eat avocado toast for the rest of my life and be okay. also i don’t get why ppl don’t like the self tanner smell or maybe it’s the fact my tanner smells like coconut idek.

now playing . . . baby come back - player

𝗗𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗔𝗦 𝗪𝗜𝗡𝗦𝗧𝗢𝗡

you hadn’t even meant it that seriously when you said it—just a teasing little murmur.

“you’re never sweet to me y’know that?”

but of course—dallas being dallas— got verryyy defensive and he flinched.

he shrugged you off like a bad itch, your spot tucked under his arm and resting your head on his chest forgotten. he lit a cigarette and said something like, “you want sweet, go date a lil’ bitch.”

the warmth in the smokey room vanished. next thing you knew you tugged your little ballet flats on, almost kissed his cheek out of habit but just walked out. slamming the door just a little bit for dramatic effect.

he lasted two nights btw.🙏🏻

two whole nights of no contact before he was pacing his room like a gooner on no nut november. muttering under his breath like “i ain’t callin’ her. hell no. she’s the one who walked out.”

then five seconds later he’s in bathroom mirror like “be fr, dallas. what if she thinks you don’t care. what if she actually already got a new bitch?!”

he DEFINITELY stalks your house like a creep. he’ll “stroll” pass your house atleast five times a day hoping he’ll catch a glimpse of you, nonchalantly ofc.

when he finally sees you again, after two days of stalking, he doesn’t really say anything. just flicks the cigarette away and stares at you like he wasn’t just tweaking out last night.

“you done bein’ mad?” he asks, voice rough, arms crossed. but his eyes gave him away, the way he looks at your hands, your lips, your wrists— like it’s been years and he almost forgot how you looked. dramaticcc

“cause i cant do that again. the.. not talking shit. alright?” he doesn’t apologize, not exactly. but he looks at you like he wants to. like the words are caught somewhere between his throat and pride.

and when you don’t answer— just take one step closer— he doesn’t stop you.

he lets you fix the collar of his jacket, tuck the strand of hair behind his ear without flinching, lets you look at him. really look.

so maybe dallas winston isn’t sweet.. but he lets you touch the softest parts of him. sometimes! ☺️

𝗗𝗔𝗥𝗥𝗬 𝗖𝗨𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗦

you guys don’t usually fight, you two are really mature. but on the rare occasions you do. it hurts so bad☹️

you got up early today, cut the crust off his sandwich because you knew as much as he refused he liked it, you knew better. you ironed his coat with care and even laid everything out for him.

you just wanted to lighten the weight on his shoulders, give him a peaceful morning where he wasn’t racing time.

oh were you wrong!

“why does it smell like pickles?” “you know i can’t stand that.”

then a second later— his voice sharp, short—

“did you use steam on my coat? it’s wrinkled as hell.” “christ— cant you do anything right?”

your heart immediately hurt, a quiet ache. and you didn’t say a word. you folded the sandwich in wax paper, into the brown bag and handed him his coat.

“sorry,” is all you say, “just go.”

and he does.

but who tf? 🤨you leave too. you didn’t answer his calls for about six days, and somehow managed to avoid seeing him too.

“i was wrong.” he spoke on your front porch suddenly, “i was..i took it out on you. and you didn’t deserve that.”

I KNOW THATS RIGHTTTTTT

darry had spiraled. he reorganized the kitchen cabinets. snapped at soda. started lifting at midnight. told himself you’d come back— trying to get his mind off you.

but on day seven, he showed up on your porch. hands shaking with flowers from the store, pink peonies.

𝗦𝗢𝗗𝗔𝗣𝗢𝗣 𝗖𝗨𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗦

he would forget your guys date i’m sorry😭. but ofc not on purpose!!

your ballet pumps dug into the sidewalk, the small cardigan you wore barely clung shut in the cold— because you thought he’d come and warm you up. like always.

but he didn’t. he stood you up.

you stood there till your curls fell and your perfume started to fade. then you walked home in silence. you were so hurt.

you didn’t answer his calls, didn’t open the door when he came knocking. so he opened the window 🤗 like a literal criminal breaking in.

“i’m so stupid,” he blurted, standing outside with slightly flattened tulips he’d rip out of his neighbors front yard. “like actually. i swear i was just talking to steve and then it was dark out and i remembered and i—”

bro didn’t even last a day😭. at most a couple hours before he was crashing out realizing he messed up and IMMEDIATELY ran to your place after calling.

he cut himself off. you looked into his eyes and they were so glossy. “you got all dressed up for me,” he whispered staring at your makeup. “i’m so sorry.”

then he held out the flowers, palms trembling and sweaty.

“can you atleast be mad at me with the tulips in your hand? please? they’re stolen and..crushed. but they’re for you.”

FORGIVE THE POOR MAN PLEASE.😔🙏🏻

𝗣𝗢𝗡𝗬𝗕𝗢𝗬 𝗖𝗨𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗦

you told him you finished the book he recommended you, unfortunately it wasn’t your taste. you said it was okay—just not your style.

but ofc you caught him on a bad day, ever since you guys left the school grounds he’d been moody. deriods.😒

he scoffed, “yeah well people like you never really get it anways.”

EXCUSE MEE??!?! he still walked you home, but it was quiet— and awkward.

you kicked a stone down the sidewalk while your chest burned. and when you got to your porch— no kiss, no goodbye. just a mumble under his breath and the soft crunch of his sneakers walking away.

you didn’t call. he didn’t either.

but he went crazy in that quiet, weird way.

would stay for at least 10 minutes just scrubbing at his hands, darry would have to PEEL him away from the sink. would also sit upside down on the couch and recite quotes from that same book. he spilt chocolate milk on his essay. and still turned it in.

then, steve caught him infront of the bathroom mirror, hollering apologies but throwing hands. hello?? 😭

“i shouldn’t have said that,” right hook. “i really—truly didn’t mean it.” jab to the jaw.

steve lost it.

“man are you apologizing or knocking her out??”

ponys face was red. he left mid-apology-roundhouse

but the next day, fallen out your locker— was a little folded note.

“i rewrote this three times. i’m sorry, i said something stupid and mean. and its not true at all.”

𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡𝗡𝗬 𝗖𝗔𝗗𝗘

you called. once. twice. five times. you even left voicemails after each one. but maybe the last one came off a bit aggressive.

“its fine. really. maybe you’re just too busy ignoring me.”

it was not fine. 😐

you knew his parents weren’t home. his mom was off at her family’s. his dad hadn’t been seen since wednesday. he was home and you were sure of it. but still— nothing.

you went to sleep dramatically, but mostly with your pride hurt cause why did you leave so many voicemails jeez.😓

turns out he wasn’t ignoring you! haha. he’d actually gotten a migraine so bad it made even the light in the room unbearable

johnny curled up with a damp cloth over his forehead, your voicemails playing faintly in his room while he drifted in and out.

and the next early morning, you heard your window click open. you slightly panicked for a second cause whattt before he climbed in with crushed wild flowers he ALSO stole from someone’s yard. cough. soda.

“i didn’t mean to ignore you. swear. i couldn’t look at anything. my head was pounding. but i kept your voicemails on loop. it helped me fall asleep. that last one kind of hurt my feelings though.”

you smiled in spite of yourself.

𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗩𝗘 𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗟𝗘

you were sitting on the curb while he fixed his truck for the millionth time. squinting your eyes from the sun and trying to keep your linen skirt from lifting with the breeze.

you giggled and teased,

“if you spent half as much time on fixing my bike as you do on that greaser hair, i might actually be able to come see you.”

DAMN GIRL.

he laughed— but short.

“yeah well, maybe if you focused on your chain instead of my hair, you wouldn’t be walking it everywhere.”

oh!

you didn’t say much after that—like at all. just walked your bike home when it came time. quiet, wheel clicking out of rhythm.

you didn’t hear from him after that. no calls at all. but two days later, you heard metal clicking in your driveway.

steve.

with his toolbox and a cigarette tucked behind his ear, already halfway through fixing your chain.

“can’t have you riding around on a broken chain. might not like my hair, but at least let me keep you safe.”

you smiled—soft. fixing the cigarette that threaten to fall.

𝗧𝗪𝗢-𝗕𝗜𝗧 𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗪𝗦

he always joked— but this time it wasn’t funny. 😔

you didn’t even remember what he said exactly, just that it hurt. and when your eyes started to gloss, he laughed.

what you didn’t know was that it wasn’t because it was funny— but he didn’t know what else to do. and so you left— face wet and rose-glossed lips pressed shut. and for once in forever, you ignored him.

the next day, you were mid-bite in a chocolate-covered strawberry, legs curled up on the linen couch in your lace pajama shorts. you heard the front door creak.

then two-bit suddenly sat beside you, like he hadn’t made you cry the night before.

“i’m sorry,” he said, holding up a plastic bag from the corner store. “i hate when you’re upset with me. even more when you don’t laugh at me.”

you stared, until he nudged your elbow to take the bag—and you did. “okay, ..now blink twice if you still love me.”

you didn’t blink.

[ladysomething]

so I was the anon who asked how amnesia!max would be post-fic and wooow, i get why you mentioned waiting 😂 if he woke up with no memory of wygig with charles and him having mated and had a baby when past max already loved him he'd tweak tf out ijbol

sadly I'm not a writer... so I guess I'll just imagine this fic of a fic haha

AMNESIA ANON!! YOU'RE BACK!!!

notwithstanding the insane amount of growth Max is going to go through in the second half of this fic, here is a rough outline of what it might look like if Max got amnesia post wygig and went back to pre-auction Max:

he'd wake up in hospital with Charles sitting beside him and his heart rate would absolutely sky rocket

Charles would probably just burst into tears in relief that Max woke up and try to kiss him and Max would be dumbfounded and just let it happen because he's somehow woken up in an alternate reality where the person he's loved for like a decade somehow loves him back

maybe he even sees the claiming mark on Charles' neck and realises that somehow Charles is his omega.

he would also be completely horrified at just how many bite marks he can see on Charles' neck and jaw

so he keeps it a secret that he can't remember anything

he's definitely saying weird stuff, like talking about racing and not asking about their kids, so Charles is very suspicious by the time the doctor leaves

but Max doubles down, says there's definitely nothing wrong, because he can't believe what's going on and he doesn't want Charles to leave him alone - he, obviously, still sees Charles as that flighty kid who hates Max completely, so is scared he'll run off

but without anything obviously wrong with him, Charles is allowed to take Max home

and then they get home and. Pascale is there, looking after their two kids. and Max just has a complete meltdown.

he just can't believe it, that somehow Charles, Charles who HATES him, who he's been in love with for half of his life, somehow loves him back, has mated with him, has had his KIDS. and he doesn't even remember their first kiss, or Charles telling him he's pregnant, or what it was like to claim him.

so Charles has to force the confession out of him, and when Max finishes telling him that he can't remember anything, Charles just sighs really loudly and is like "of COURSE your first instinct was not to tell me anything."

and Max is so confused by that, because what does that mean??? does he lie to Charles a lot?

but Charles forces him back to the doctor, and the doctor tells them there's nothing they can really do except wait and hope for his memory to come back

Charles tells Max everything, about the auction and how terribly Max treated him and how when he confessed he loved him Charles threw it all back in his face. then he tells him how they worked through it together, until eventually Charles fell in love, too. about how they're both retired now, but have two beautiful kids.

about how they're expecting a third.

anyway I'm not entirely sure how it goes after all this

but I love angst, so probably Charles and Max would have a lot of difficulties

Max at the beginning of the fic and Max at the end are almost fundamentally different people

and Charles would get sick of Max's possessive, protective, borderline misogynistic shit real quick

particularly once he learns about the auction, Max would be so over the top protective of Charles and their pups

Max would be trying to make Charles stay at home all the time, not let him leave the apartment without Max, and Charles would just get over it so quickly

Max tries once to tell Charles he can't see Pierre and Charles just. threatens to leave.

Charles has been trying so hard to be patient, and he loves Max so much, but the truth is that he has two pups and another on the way and is now married to somebody that he doesn't really recognise. he sees bits and pieces of his Max here and there, but it's not the Max he fell in love with, and it's not the Max that's the father of his kids, and he doesn't know how to cope. he doesn't know how to make Max his Max again, because if he never remembers anything, how is ever supposed to go through the journey of growth?

in the end Charles only goes for one night, takes the kids to his mother's house, but he misses Max so desperately that he can't stay away, no matter that it's a different Max.

meanwhile, Max just can't function through the entire night. everything he's ever wanted right there in the apartment, and it's been taken from him so easily.

and when Charles comes back the next morning, he can't stop apologising, but CHARLES can't stop apologising, either, because he needs to be more patient and he needs to communicate his expectations better and even though he misses his husband, he still feels so grateful that Max didn't die. he's still alive, and that's enough, it's more than enough

but Max still promises to try harder, and Charles promises to help him more, and in the end they both get to fall in love all over again. they both focus on that, on the beauty of being given a second chance even when so many other people don't get them.

I don't know if Max's memory ever comes back, but in the end they rebuild their life together, rebuild their family together, and even though they both hope that maybe one day his memory will come back, it doesn't matter either way

they always love each other in the end, no matter what version of themselves it is.

[artem1sc0re]

I’m about to go on another rave about Nicole in Aiden’s perspective because GODDDD IM TWEAKING TF OUT OVER HER LACK OF QUESTIONING ON THE PHONE WHEN DAMIEN HAS HER KIDNAPPED

(This yap is spontaneous meaning my points aren’t 100% correct and were farted out of the top of my head)

And it’s always two things; not really two unreasonable things, but two things nonetheless

Worrying Jackson, and wanting Aiden to get her out of here. No confusion. No anger.

There’s barely anything whether it be “who the fuck is this guy”, because if anything I’d be questioning that, especially in later calls where she’s settled into the place and has been looked after.

Because how did she know Damien’s name by the time Aiden rescued her? Did Damien explain himself? Did she eavesdrop?

I mean I guess she probably has to eavesdrop to get as much info as she can because she knows her brother well, and from some other talks, he speaks to people like they’re on the same page as him. (For example; collateral. Clara’s confused about Aiden’s raving and it takes a bit for her to catch on until she realises it’s the IP address they traced. Didn’t recognise the name whatsoever. (Or did, and had to take a minute because Uhh yeah that’s the second guy she profiled alongside Aiden.).)

Like if I were Nicole I wouldn’t only be worried about my son, I’d also be confused, as well as angry. Why am I here? Who is this guy? What’s his connection to my brother?

Maybe she didn’t show emotion because she didn’t want anything out of her body language to be used against her brother?

Was she not allowed to ask questions in the event that she was afraid Damien could kill her if she said the wrong thing? Did Damien already answer her questions and that’s why her mood simmered throughout each phone call?

(Draft edit: okay maybe she was angry and questioning outside of the phone calls: “had a chat with your sister. Saucy girl.” “no surprise you’re siblings. She’s hotheaded like you.”)

[starseed-twenty]

Dragging the moon signs 🌙

[Went a lil too hard here 🤧 Please don't come for me. 😂]

Aries Moon

🛑 STOP. BEING. IMPULSIVE. Like honestly, your impatience might be the death of you. 🙄

🛑 Sometimes it's as if you're a child in an adolescent/adult body. You need to grow up.

🛑 And you really go around taking everything personal and saying everything that's on your mind? 👀 Stop.

Taurus Moon

🛑 Your stubborn ways will literally have you looking stupid 😬. LIVE AND LET GO.

🛑 I know you're kind... But stop letting people step all over you! Grow a backbone and be stern about your feelings.

🛑 Also stop being lame and boring. There's nothing wrong with a lil drama sometimes. 🤗 Enjoy life.

Gemini Moon

🛑 Two-faced? Yessir! ... Stick to the real you! 👏 Stop switching up!

🛑 It's crazy how you're fun & hilarious, yet you can be so mean. Like, evil type of mean. And think it's okay. 😳 Like.. what??

🛑 I don't know whether your heart is in your ass or your underarm or your ankle. But STOP HIDING IT!

Cancer Moon

🛑 Well you're both emotional and emotionless, and I don't know how tf that is actually working for you. 👀

🛑 Your relationship with bottling things up needs to end! NOW!

🛑 Your clinginess is cute at first... But eventually, it is a mindfuck. You let yourself end up in toxic situations. 😷

Leo Moon

🛑 Personally, I like you guys so I don't have much to drag about. Besides how self-centered you can be sometimes. Thinking you live in your own lil world. 😬

🛑 And the whole not caring about people. Like being nonchalant moving on from stuff so fast. Tf? Can you be a bit more caring??

🛑 You and your fear of failure or embarrassment is also weird. Because the way you can be so dramatic. 💀 Relax pls.

Virgo Moon

🛑 Why. Do. You. Like. To. Direct. And. Tweak. And. Criticize. Almost. Everything. In. Your. Life??? TFF??

🛑 And can you stop your whole bad bitch act. Deep down you're a sweetheart. Stop tryna appear cold.

🛑 Your nosy ass also needs to chill. 🙄 You don't have to know everything.

Libra Moon

🛑 Okay so ... At what point will you stop being too kind? The whole compromising thing is bad vibes for your soul. 😐

🛑 Don't get me started with your constant yearn to be loved up and have the most perfect person in the world.

🛑 The whole tit for tat thing is a bore too. "Oh since you did this, I'm going to do that." 🥱

Scorpio Moon

🛑 Boy oh boy, if you don't stop being defensive & stop thinking everyone's out to betray/disrespect you. 👀

🛑 And how's the whole being pessimistic thing working out for you? Is it good? Are you okay? 🙂

🛑 Oh and can you please stop pretending you're intimidating for a second? Like... Chill. Have fun.

Sagittarius Moon

🛑 You either take everything as a joke or take everything too serious. What's up with that?

🛑 And the way you can be so open. 😭 It shocks me tbh. Hold your tongue?

🛑 Plus you and doing things in the moment should separate. 🧐 You know it gets you in trouble!

Capricorn Moon

🛑 Okay I don't know how you deal with being so self-critical. The amount of unnecessary pressure & negativity you bring to yourself is stupid. Stop. Being. Stupid. And. Overworking. Yourself!

🛑 Honestly, I'm not sure what you're holding your heart back for, but that shit needs to stop. 😒 Just try to open up.

🛑 Also, I don't know why you always think your way is the best way. Like, chill. Hear people out. 🙄

Aquarius Moon

🛑 STOP. ALWAYS. TRYING. TO. DEBATE. OR. ARGUE. ABOUT. EVERYTHING. 👏

🛑 You're both too generous and a cold ass bitch ?? Uhm ? How does that work ? How are you coping ? 😥 Tf

🛑 And I know you mean well... But you'll have to relax on the whole separation anxiety. People love you. But they also have their own lives.

Pisces Moon

🛑 I don't know at what point your ass will come back and stay with reality like a sane human. 🙃

🛑 The way your manipulative ways are unmatched?? Scares me tbh.😵 Can you STOP ??

🛑 You know what's craziest .... is that you are loving, but to give the love is such a struggle for you. Why do you like holding back ??

[chalkrevelations]

OK. Moving on, slowly but surely, Episode 2 of Word of Honor.

For anyone only just peeking inside my door, this is a re-watch, so there are SPOILERS not just for this ep, but possibly for the ENTIRE SHOW. Scroll away and come back later if you haven’t seen all 36.5 eps and want to watch it unspoiled.

So, the major thing that hit me during this episode: On re-watch, with context, Wen Kexing’s thirst is now super-complicated by the fact that he thinks he’s recognized the Siji Manor Swift Moving Steps™ from A-Xiang’s throwdown with Zhou Zishu at the end of Ep 1. He gets his confirmation in this ep when he goads ZZS into their first fight, in Chengling’s (badly green-screened) peach-blossom front yard. This complicates the stalking and the flirting, particularly the poetic references WKX uses here to talk about ZZS’s footwork, giving it a level that ZZS (along with the audience, back on our first time watching) simply doesn’t have the context to understand yet. (Well. ZZS not getting all the info that WKX has. That’s the start of a pattern. I mean, at this point, WKX certainly doesn’t owe this random guy a peek into his deepest traumas - EVEN THOUGH it would make things about 10000x less complicated, which is also part of the pattern - but I’m just sayin’. It sure is the start of a pattern.) So ZZS blows off WKX as a PUA asshole with an apparent kink for rough trade with appalling facial hair - just like all of us, as the audience, at this point, were beginning to watch open-mouthed at the speed and intensity of WKX’s thirst for some apparently random dude who he spotted tits out, drinking himself to death in the gutter. Don’t get me wrong, WKX is still thirsty as hell, and he was out to tap that even before he saw the Siji Manor Swift Moving Steps™, but now it’s all mixed up in memories of his shixiong that we won’t see, and ZZS won’t know about, for several more episodes. WKX’s still not sure this is the same guy, but it’s at least an associated guy. So our additional context from later episodes now makes it look like all the stalking isn’t just about having the hots for some rough trade who keeps flashing his collarbones, it’s also about regaining a kind of emotional intimacy that WKX hasn’t had for umpty years of trauma and abuse and killing his way up the ladder. This specific flavor of emotional intimacy isn’t something he can get from A-Xiang, even if she saves his heart – this random drunk dude is triggering some memories (that we won’t see for several more episodes) of feeling protected and cared for, unconditionally, and this guy is literally the only person left in the world who could/can make WKX remember those kinds of feelings. And WKX chases it like he’s starving, because he is. Because anyone in his position would be. Prince Jin will eventually do the same kind of thing to ZZS, grabbing onto him like a drowning man at the only thing he thinks will keep him afloat.

Also, WKX may have had slightly more home training than A-Xiang, but he’s had a lot more – and more recent - grooming by a psychopath. I remember reading somewhere that Zhou Ye talked about how A-Xiang seems slightly off, not quite right in the way she acts, at the beginning of the show, and this was a deliberate acting and directing choice because she was raised in the Ghost Valley, literally doesn’t know how to act right in normal society, and has to learn how as the show goes along. I feel like we see some of that with WKX, too, not just in the hard sell with ZZS, but also in some of his mannerisms and reactions – less so than when he’s playing it up in the Ghost Valley, but still noticeable. I think you can see this in the aftermath of the fight with the ghosts, when both WKX and A-Xiang are watching the reactions from and interactions among ZZS, Chengling and Boat Man, and they both seem kind of ... baffled? Occasionally taken aback? At normal reactions that the other three are having to events. When you set them together in that scene, it’s noticeable, particularly with the way A-Xiang keeps checking in with WKX as if to say, really? This is how humans act? It’s little things that on my first time watching, I initially wrote off to …. not necessarily bad acting, but to overacting, to Gong Jun maybe not being quite settled into WKX’s skin yet, that smoothed out as Gong Jun got more comfortable with the character and with playing off of Zhang Zhehan and seemed more ... natural. NOW, I wonder if this also was deliberate, if this is WKX not being quite settled into a human skin, which smooths out as he gets more comfortable in acting human again and in being around ZZS and Chengling. But meanwhile, he’s like a starving feral dog who’s spotted a piece of meat, and I chose every bit of that metaphor specifically, because psychologically and emotionally, that’s what’s going on, and it’s the way ZZS reacts to him, too.

ZZS is already gun-shy and touch-averse at this point (see the moment he jerks his hand out from under WKX’s hand at 31:20, while they’re both transferring energy to Boat Man) – he just wants to be left alone to die, is that so gd hard? - it’s clearly a trial for him to have to even be around this many nattering idiots. But I also have to think some of the instincts that made him so successful and kept him alive for so long in Tian Chuang have to be screaming at him, every time this rando approaches him, that something is not right about the guy. And even when you’re as suicidal as ZZS is right now, instinctive behavior is hard to overcome, and we see how quickly he steps back away from WKX, at 12:58, when WKX steps close enough to invade his personal bubble. At the same time, everything in WKX is screaming at him to plaster himself to this guy. And so, we set up the constant WKX push, ZZS retreat that we’ll get for several more episodes.

Other thoughts:

Chengling got the spirit I guess, but my lord. He gets beat down and gets his sword took about 5 times in the space of a minute and a half. Good thing his Xiang-jie is there. (Have mentioned how much I love A-Xiang? I just want to be sure everyone knows how much I love A-Xiang. Already. She is a fierce, feral, ray of brightness in every scene she’s in.) Here’s the thing, though – knowing what we know now, I can’t believe not a single one of the Ghosts says “WTF, Amethyst Fiend, why are you making this difficult for us to get the Glazed Armor your zhuren wants us to get our hands on?” They MUST recognize her. Or is this a set-up that the ghosts are in on, to make Chengling and whoever’s with him trust WKX and A-Xiang? But who knew Chengling would even escape? And that seems unnecessarily convoluted when they could just kill him and Boat Man. Did the plan get tweaked when ZZS showed up? If so, I can just imagine what these rank-and-file ghosts are thinking about what WKX wants this kid and this guy alive for, given they don’t know he’s trying to destroy the Ghost Valley – maybe that WKX’s going to do the same thing to Chengling that was done to him by the previous Ghost Valley Master. (Oh. Oh, although - here’s an AU thought – what if ZZS hadn’t turned up at just this particular moment? And what if WKX had intended to kill Chengling, too, along the rest of his family (I mean, presumably this IS what was supposed to happen)? But what if this Ghost Valley Master - whose heart has been fatally compromised by A-Xiang – sees this little soft-hearted soft-eyed dumbass, with his parents and everyone else he knows and loves dead and on fire around him? What if he does end up collecting another kid, at that point? THEN WHAT HAPPENS? Complicated by the fact that WKX’s got emotional skin in the game from jump, in this scenario, but Chengling knows up front about WKX’s part in the Mirror Lake massacre.)

OH MY GOD. I had to watch the same four seconds of footage about five times to try and figure out what’s going on, but there’s a point during the fight with the ghosts when ZZS is still having his Seven Nails Torment Moment, and Boat Man is busy dying, and Chengling is, well, Chengling has been beat down and had his sword took, and meanwhile A-Xiang is dealing with one of the ghosts, and another one’s coming up behind her, getting ready to brain her with his sword. And then at 29:01, it looks like he gets yoinked backward, and he goes crashing through a door, but then there is – I swear to god, y’all – a shot of two walnuts (remember those?) falling on the ground near him, and I guess the implication is that WKX, still hidden in the shadows, knocked him backward by throwing a couple of Walnuts of Death at him? Who knew Wolong’s Famous Nuts were crispy, delicious, and good for self-defense?

Oh, WKX. “Zhou Xu.” It’s so close, isn’t it? So close to “Zhou Zishu.”

Second ZZS/WKX physical fight happens over ZZS insisting that WKX leave Chengling tf alone and stop trying to see his injury. Well, there’s the beginning of another pattern.

[mk-wizard]

Top 10 Good Reasons TF Needs to Change its Status Quo

When I say status quo, I mean Transformers needs to stop making shows/comics/movies that are about Autobots vs Decepticons, Autobots are always good and Decepticons are always bad, Optimus can do no wrong and is Primus’ gift to the world, Megatron can do no right and is doomed to fail at everything, nobody can be a better Prime than Optimus and no one can be a worse evil than Megatron, etc. I think you get the picture. Here are 10 EXCELLENT reasons as to why Transformers needs to change its status quo so that the rare diamond that is Rescue Bots is not a blue moon case.

1- Fans WANT to know more about Transformers culture. - Instead of keeping us guessing how things work and what the lore us, just come out and tell us. It would be a compelling story. Plus, the world building would be impressive. Star Wars did it and it was better for it.

2- After seeing Netflix She-Ra and Steven Universe, the new generation will not be satisfied with the bad-guy-bad and good-guy-good formula. - Kids have higher standards after being exposed to better storytelling. If Transformers wants to stay in the game, it has to reach this high standard not go below it anymore.

3- Fans are tired of being told the same story. - Don’t get me wrong. The classic story is a great one hence why we keep watching it again, but that’s just the thing. If we want the same story, we’ll just watch the same story again. Don’t give us a constant reboot that’s slightly tweaked, but ultimately is the same story.

4- Storytelling needs to parallel real life to an extent. - Yes, I know that cartoons and Transformers especially are for escaping reality, but the status quo that a character is good by way of their faction, which is not a far cry from nationality or religion, seems feudal and gives some bad implications. If you’re going to expose kids to a story which they are going to take something from, give them the right lesson. Show them the difference between a nation (an entire faction) and terrorists (a specific group that just happens to be of a said faction).

5- It is high time we gave other characters in the lore time in the spotlight. - Transformers has gotten better at this in the recent years as we are starting to see Bumblebee come out more as an individual and even a leader. We have seen that Optimus doesn’t need to be the main for the story to be interesting, so let’s do that more with others.

6- It is ok for good guys to be bad sometimes. - One of the reasons I fell in love with Transformers Rescue Bots is because Heatwave was very compelling. He is an Autobot and heroic, but he is not above doing “bad boy” things like being a showoff, teasing his friends, holding a grudge or openly showing reluctance to be the nice guy. It’s ok to show that not all good guys are saints. It makes them relatable and interesting.

7- Fans are sick of turning to fanfiction for variety. - Not that there’s anything wrong with fanfiction. It’s all good clean fun, but it’s a bit embarrassing when the only variety there is in a media is when it isn’t even official. Like... shouldn’t professionals who are PAID to write have broader imaginations? Plus, fanfiction (even very well written) just doesn’t compare to an official polished piece.

8- Rodimus deserves another chance. - My brother made an incredibly good point about Rodimus Prime that I didn’t see as a kid, but I see now. He wasn’t badly written or a bad Prime who whined all of the time. His story was too advanced at the time for the times. He was a young leader who had an enormous pair of shoes to fill, but when he would do his work, he did it well. He deserves another chance to have his story told and properly by an audience who is more open minded.

9- It is ok to have settings that aren’t war related. - As Rescue Bots showed, you can have a compelling Transformers based story that doesn’t involve war or some great evil. You can show them having more down to Earth struggles and having less violent jobs. Yes, I admit rescue work involves a lot of action, but the series is more educational and humorous than it is some action show. Heck, there aren’t laser guns and the show is still great.

10- We want to see female and feminine positive Transformers. - So many girls watch and play with Transformers so why not create a Transformers series made for girls or that explores feminine plot lines like family or romance? Or have a female-centric narrative? Being a girl and a feminine one isn’t weak, stupid or yucky. And it doesn’t mean it can’t be funny, interesting, badass or enlightening. Or even appealing to boys. Think of all the boys out there who watch Sailor Moon because they really like the plot and characters for the right reasons. Speaking of which, if you watch Sailor Moon, you’ll get the gold standard example of female appeal, female-centric and female narrative in a series. Having a Transformers series that celebrates females and feminity would be the ultimate Valentine to female fans. I say this as a female fan myself.

PS: I made a list giving 10 more reasons Transformers needs to change its status quo if you want to see it.

[prorevenge]

Don't tell mom the dog-sitter's dead.

TL;DR at the bottom.

This didn't happen to me, it happened to my sister.

My sister moved up to SC from FL about a year ago, but she still visits us periodically. We're a big and close family. Shortly after Thanksgiving, she flew down with her husband and son for one such visit. She has 3 geriatric dogs, so she got a house/dog sitter.

MS (my sister) went through the basics of how they can only be fed at certain times. They get let out at certain times. They need to be in their crates from X hour to Z hour. Most importantly, they don't get treats. They get vitamins in place of treats, but those vitamins have to be given only twice a day. No people food. Very strict diets. They're all happy and healthy, but only because MS is so strict with their regime.

This lady she got to watch her dogs had stellar reviews on the site she was found through. She's a stay-at-home mom who does this as a side thing for extra cash. I feel like I can end it here, you all can guess where this is going.

MS left for Florida for a week. The first 5 days, everything is going well. DS (dog sitter) texts MS regularly or video calls. She shows MS pictures and gives her regular updates of when she comes and goes to MS's house. MS just bought that house, btw. She's been working her butt off to finally be able to afford it. She puts so much into making that a nice home for her family.

MS has some health problems herself. She's got a ton of prescription medication in her medicine cabinet. She brought enough for the week, but left the rest at home. Stuff for epilepsy, asthma, and allergies. But she's also got a ton of pain killers from when she had my nephew not that long ago. She's paranoid about becoming addicted, so she kept the pills for safety, but never used them. It's a full bottle.

On top of that, she's been a collector of rare beer for about 15 years now. Beer that's not even sold anymore because they were promotional from micro breweries. Beer she can't get anymore because she doesn't live in Florida. Those bottles, she keeps as mostly decoration in her kitchen.

On the 6th day of her vacation, DS stops all communication altogether. MS texts, calls, emails. Nothing. Radio silence. She's got a bad feeling, but she doesn't want to kill the mood because she doesn't get to see her family very often anymore.

Day 7, she gets on a late flight back to SC. The plane gets there around 2 in the morning. They drive an hour to their rural town. They get home. The front door is wide open. The lawn looks like someone in a truck (which DS happened to drive) just tried to go drifting over grass and a tree before vacating the premises super quick.

MS goes to handle my nephew who is groggy and screaming. It's been a rough day. She's thinking the worst. That someone robbed the house while this poor lady was there. MS's husband (BiL) goes inside to survey the damages. It's all clear, MS and Nephew go inside too.

The back door is wide open. The couch looks like it exploded. The rug in the living room and the couch, and pretty much every square foot on the bottom floor is covered in the kind of pee and poop that can only be made from 3 geriatric furry buttholes.

The dogs are, thankfully, still in the backyard. But they're shivering and filthy. There are broken beer bottles everywhere. Some have been stuffed deep in the trash to hide the evidence. Some have been refilled with water and put back with their tops precariously situated on top so they might look like they haven't been touched.

82 bottles, each growler sized (roughly 64 oz) - gone. The medicine cabinet is like one of those Western ghost town's with a tumbleweed bouncing through. MS is already thinking this DS threw herself a party. No way in heck could someone 5'6'', 170 lbs, drink that much beer and take that many pills and not be dead.

MS called the cops. Obviously. The police get there to figure this must be a break in. They take a bunch of pictures, take an account of all the bottles and drugs that were missing. MS cleans what she can, but gets to sleep because thankfully the upstairs hasn't been touched.

One day later, the police find DS. MS has assumed she's dead and abducted, so the police were looking for her and her car. They found the truck run off the side of a highway, with this lady about two miles up, tweaking OUT OF HER MIND walking along the side of the road, screaming at nothing.

They take her in for whatever charges. Idk. Her husband bails her out and picks her up. According to her husband, this has happened before. DS has a drug and alcohol problem.

At first, she's messaging my sister, super apologetic, saying she'll reimburse MS and please don't press charges. MS quotes her the price of the rug, a new couch, and the vet bills because her dogs had somehow gained access to 9 containers of doggie vitamins and one of them was having liver failure. (The dog is fine now, but she's an old yorkie so who knows. Also, MS buys in bulk from a wholesaler, hence 9 containers). The total was somewhere around $800. MS didn't bother with the beers, the meds, the lawn, cleaning the house. She could have. Heck, I would have.

On top of that, MS demanded DS never dog sit again and she had to refund MS for her dog sitting. MS works in advertising. I won't say what kind, but basically if she saw/sees DS advertising herself as a dog sitter ever again, she has the means to drag this lady until all she sees is mud for the rest of her life.

DS insists she'd gonna pay it back, but that MS has to wait until they get their taxes back. Ok. So MS waits. Late February, she texts DS asking where her money is. DS immediately starts saying how she didn't do anything wrong, MS is a bad dog owner and her dogs are miserable, none of the stuff MS says DS did was actually done. MS has all the old texts of DS admitting to all of it sooo....?

This goes on for a while. Eventually, DS starts saying how "as a courtesy" she has a friend who owns a furniture store, she will give MS a credit of $200 for a new couch. And she has an old rug she doesn't want anymore that MS can have.

Erm... what?

She payed MS about $500, but and insists she'll get the coupon to MS soon. March goes by. Nothing.

Around March 20th, MS marches her happy butt to the small claims court and files. Then she snaps pictures of everything. Then she sends DS the message. "As a courtesy, I'm letting you know that I just filed this at the small claims court."

Then the fun starts. This lady goes OFF on MS. She says she's going to sue for slander and undue distress and harassment and blah blah blah blah blah. MS saves all of it, including the fun bits where DS threatens her family and calls her the C-word 20-dozen times.

Today is what? April 6th? Tuesday was the court date. Things move fast in a small town, idk. This lady shows up looking like she just got run through by a garbage disposal. She gives the judge her sob-story, talking about how she did nothing but give MS and her animals the best care, that MS is making all this up.

Yeah. MS has the OG cop with her. She's got pictures of all the damage, the vet bills, the bottles, proof that she was out of town, police reports of both the "break-in" as well as DS's DWI the following day. DS tries to spin it with that one law about how you can't serve alcohol to a known alcoholic. That obviously gets thrown right tf out.

DS then tries to appeal to Judge and MS's sense of humanity. She tells them how her husband just left her and is suing her for full custody (good!) and that if she can't dog-sit how is she supposed to support herself or ever get her kids back (tough cookies!). The judge takes my sister's side, for obvious reason, come tf on.

DS is homeless now, living with her parents. She can't see her kids, who btw don't want to see her. Apparently she was a drunk who ran her hubby's credit all the way down, she was abusive to her kids, and because of her heavy alcohol abuse - one of her kids has FAS. DS has 60 days to pay the remaining $300 or she faces jail time (idk how much time, sorry). Her husband filed for divorce already. Oh, and she lost her license thanks to that DWI.

As a former addict myself and someone who's been through a DWI, I want to sympathize. That's a lot of stuff to go through. MS gave her chance after chance, but at some point, you have to take responsibility for your actions. It really seems like this lady has just been using her husband as a crutch while she tries to get better, only to backslide hard. It's rough, I know. I hope she gets the help she needs.

MS's dogs are doing well. She got a replacement couch on Amazon for like $75 and a nice fluffy rug for even less. DS eventually coughed up that coupon. It didn't even work. It was for something like 20% off with a purchase of $500 or more, so um...no thanks.

TL;DR: World's poopiest dog-sitter trashes my sister's house after going on a bender. Claims she didn't do that, while also promising to pay for the damages. Never pays. Gets taken to court. Loses her home, job, kids, and marriage.

(source) story by (/u/anoukdaae)

[crimsonxrogue]

( Zoe Kravitz, 29, cisfemale, she/her ) Have you seen VIVIAN SINCLAIR around ? I hear they’re an ANTIQUES DEALER who can sometimes be MERCURIAL & DECEITFUL. But I also heard they can be COURAGEOUS & CLEVER if you catch them on a good day. They’re usually hanging around HISTORIA & EDEN in their spare time. I sure hope they’re alright !

Hey hey people! I’m bringing you this very smol wildcard girl who deals in art and antiques (owner of Historia) and works at Eden as a dancer/singer and also is never up to any good. But she’s pretty nice otherwise, I promise - feel free to drop a like and I’ll pop into your DMs or you just pop straight into mine!

BASIC STATS

➤  NAME: Vivian Anais Sinclair ➤  AGE: 29 ➤  DOB: November 2nd ➤  BORN: Paris, France ➤  HEIGHT: 5′2′’ ➤  SIBLINGS: sister ➤  MBTI: ENTP-A ➤  ORIENTATION: bisexual ➤  OCCUPATION: owner of Historia, art and antiques dealer/thief and con-artist, singer/dancer at Eden ➤  EDUCATION: BA in Art History and English Lit ➤  TATTOOS: a sword and a flower entwined near her hipbone, small tattoos of DOBs of her mother and Astor, a faded tattoo of the gang that had taken her, covered with scars and bracelets  ➤  SCARS: amorphous scars that cover the tattoo given to her by the gang, a few marks from a cattle prod that was used on her when she was young (on her back and stomach), an old, silvery gunshot wound on her left shoulder  ➤  AESTHETICS: expensive dresses and black lace, agent provocateur and dior, the scent of chanel lingering in the air when she passes by, black leather gloves and deft fingers, small diamonds glinting on her neck, a fiery red ferrari, the glow of marble statues in distant lamplight, scent of old books and reflections in ornate, old mirrors, soft pearls and eyes hidden behind sunglasses, black nat shermans and nails painted red, knuckles wrapped in cloth the sound of them hitting a punching bag, a small figure riding wildly on the back of a towering horse, something quaint and scholarly about Historia, and her house, and her, hands messy with paint and whatever material she’s working with, skintight black clothes, a dark figure slinking through the expensive houses looking for her prize, something elegantly haphazard about her movement just like there’s something haphazard about her, careful eyes and red lips stretched into a delighted smile, laughter and eyes looking up beneath her lashes, hands pulling you after her, something careless and lively when she dances for herself, something dark and enticing when she dances for others, a soft french accent when she lets it through and when she’s tired, poems and books quoted ➤  VICES: tobacco, alcohol, sex, pretending to be someone else for fun  ➤  PETS: yes, a borzoi named Achilles - Vivi had rescued him after Achilles’ career in racing had ended and they discarded him, and a dobermann named Artemis that looks way meaner than she actually is (spoiler, she’s an even bigger puppy than Achilles) whom she’d gotten from Nate, also there’s a throughbred named Ares who was a gift from her parents, but obviously he doesn’t live at her house but rather she visits him almost every day to take care of him where he’s stationed a bit outside of the city (in order to be able to roam free)

QUICK RUNDOWN

Listen, this shit got long so here’s a quick rundown of Vivi so you don’t have to waste time unless you want to hahaha

Born in Paris, France to affluent parents - her mother was a politician and her father a real estate magnate. 

She was raised to be the picture-perfect daughter, mild and timid and set to follow in her parents’ footsteps. Let’s just say she was not thrilled with that. 

She was kidnapped at the age of 7 and held for ransom, it messed her up and she still has nightmares from that shit. 3 weeks later her parents got her back, but then put her under a bell jar and threw away the key.

She rebelled, ran away from home, hid away at the Louvre, generally did not obey especially when they forced her hand. 

They moved away to the US when she was 14 and she coped with it by creating her own game of play pretend - she figured out she had a penchant for pretending to be someone else, changing both her mien and looks, and it was her way of taking control over herself. 

At 18 she met Astor, a con-artist, at a banquet her parents attended and figured out what he was when they’d both tried to play each other by pretending to be something they weren’t. He wanted something from her parents’ house and she just gave it to him bc girl was SMITTEN. 

She ran off with him and the two bounced around the world for about two years, growing into their infamy as someone who could get their hands on anything you possibly wanted. 

They were on a mission in New York when shit went down, Astor disappeared (she still doesn’t know if he betrayed her or he got killed and it’s TORTURING her) and Vivi was kidnapped by a gang, branded as their property and had to live through hell on earth for almost a year. 

There was a raid and she escaped during that raid (she guesses it was someone from Chicago who was involved, and is still looking into who tf it was bc she owes them her life), took Astors Ferrari and got back to her parents. 

Studied Art History and English Lit while living with them, and then a few years later (after dealing with her trauma) she eventually moved to Chicago to open Historia. 

She nurtured her reputation as someone who could get shit for you that wasn’t even on the black market, as well as her connections to both the O’Sheas and the Fausts while remaining starchy neutral.

Started working at Eden a year in, as a dancer/singer - it was a way for her to take control of her body back and deal with her trauma from New York. 

HISTORY 

Born in Paris, France to parents who were affluent in their respective fields - her mother, working in politics, and her father, a real-estate magnate. She was coddled from early on, raised to be this picture-perfect daughter, with her destiny set in stone. Even though she was born the younger daughter, it didn’t mean anything less was expected from her. 

She showed an affinity for art and literature and music early on - and her parents let her focus on it, for now anyway. But she’d always been a wild child, interested in anything and everything, from running through museums to ballet to horseback riding.

When she was 7, she was kidnapped and held for ransom by a group that didn’t like her mother’s ideas, but liked her father’s money. Her parents would get her back after almost 3 weeks of a tug of war that was heavily publicized, but not without permanent scars that would mark Vivian for life, both mentally and physically. 

From then on her home life took a grim turn - her parents, terrified after what had happened to her little girl, decided to put her under a bell jar and keep her inside. Though terrified herself, Vivi was a social, lively kid that whithered away once cut off from the rest of the world, home-schooled and monitored at all times. 

She would perform rebellions of her own, little at first - unsatisfied with being locked up and told what she was supposed to do with her life. She would not be shoved into politics, or forced to take on her father’s business, or even worse - marry a wealthy, affluent man who would then take on her father’s business. She would be wild, and no one could take that away from her.

These rebellions escalated with age - from running out and hiding in the gardens, to running out and hiding in the Louvre. The one rebellion she couldn’t perform at 14 was staying in Paris when her parents packed up and decided to move to the US, taking away what little agency she still had in a city that held so many familiar hiding spots. 

There she learned she had a penchant for pretence - she could morph herself into whatever she wanted to be. All she had to do was tweak her make up, what she wore, the way her eyes would burn with indignance or be downcast in delightful bashfulness, the lines of her smile, lips painted a seductive red or charming pink. It was an art form in itself, this game of make-believe. 

By the time she was 18, it had become almost second-nature to her - she was all of it, both the lonely girl trapped beneath the bell jar and the characters she would come up with. It would not be until she met Astor that she’d realise she was not alone in this game - he too knew how to play this game, and played it well. But neither of them played well enough to not call each other out by the time the banquet was over. 

And while she did it for the freedom of being someone else, he did it because it was a way to attain connections, find his way into houses that held something he wanted, a precious jewel, an antique, information. Vivi would become enthralled by him - and how could she not? He was a wildcard, a creature of freedom, everything she ever wanted. 

It was not long before she was running away with him, leaving behind in her room only a promise that this time she was disappearing of her own volition. It would not be easy at first, with her parents organizing a manhunt - for her daughter, and the man who had ‘taken her away’ from them. But Astor had a way with avoiding notice, even if he was the type of person to attract all eyes towards him, and the two would bounce around the world, drunk on their exhilaration, young and in love and at the top of the world. 

Vivi, raised with this romantic ideal of love and destiny, thought it would never end. They would always be this, infamous for their ability to attain what no one else could, legends in making, young and beautiful and brilliant. But it did. It was a mission gone wrong, out there in New York - and the two of them would get separated, Vivi left behind to be dragged away once again, and Astor to never be seen again. 

Her abilities were only useful when she was free, but now - kidnapped and abused into submission, she was once again stripped of her agency, her beloved freedom snatched away, her spirits shattered into a million tiny pieces. She was marked, her wrist tattooed, made into nothing but property. And she’d almost believed them, she’d almost let them take her soul away. 

There was a raid eventually, and in the midst of the commotion, she did what she did best - slipped away, unnoticed. She’d steal Astor’s car from their garage (they’d taken that too), a fiery-red 250 GT California that made her soul ache, and fled. Through diplomatic channels, she’d manage to reach her parents, and return home after being gone for almost three years. 

Back home she refused to be put under control once again - the bargain was struck, her return for her freedom. But freedom, after everything that had happened to her, was a dainty, broken thing. She was terrified of her own shadow, her soul bruised, wondering what had happened with Astor - unsure whether to mourn his betrayal or his death. She would live with her parents for the next few years, learning to be whole again, studying Art History and Literature, immersing herself in that experience. 

She’d find eventually that not all of her was taken away in those months she’d spent trapped in New York - and eventually, she would move to Chicago, to open Historia, her antiques shop, to find out who was behind that raid in New York that had let her escape, to find herself again. 

She’s been in Chicago for a few years now - building up a name for herself, as someone who’s able to attain anything your heart might desire, building up connections with both the O’Sheas and the Fausts. Illicit antiques or antique weapons - you name it and she will find it, even if it’s not readily available on the black market. 

It was almost a year into her stay that she’d joined the Eden crew as a dancer and a singer both. That was a rash decision, made because something broken still ached in her chest - a way to take control of her body back. She would be seen and admired under her own conditions, and no one could take that away from her ever again. A strange way to deal with her trauma, some would say, but she’d always liked doing things the way she felt was right.

HEADCANONS

Drives a fiery red Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder that was originally Astor’s. She loves that car like it’s a piece of her soul and in a way - it is. It was stolen from them when their operation was busted in NYC but she literally risked her life during he raid just to get it back. She knows it’s a wild cliché, but she would protect that piece of metal with her life. Sure, it’s a pretty thing, and she likes the way she feels behind the wheel – but there is a certain amount of sentimentality involved. When she’s not in that car she’s got a motorcycle to get around and loves dressing up for it. 

Even though Historia looks innocent enough at first glance, and it mostly is (you can just walk in and buy stuff from the shelves), if you’re aware of Vivi’s capabilities you can ask her to get anything for the right price. She works to get stuff that’s not even on the black market for both the O’Sheas and the Fausts (artefacts or antique guns, depending on the request). She will straight up walk into someone’s house and steal that shit if necessary hahaha

Despite her reputation as being very reliable and getting the original stuff for her usual customers, she will sometimes con rich assholes she doesn’t’ like into buying something that’s actually a forgery. She has a talent for making those and does an impeccable job at making them look legit - from forging them to look worn and aged to making the documents look legit. But if she likes you or if you’re a familiar customer she’ll straight up tell you don’t buy this, it’s fake af. Like she won’t do this unless she has a secret bone to pick with someone.

She will rather stand on precarious stacks of various items or chairs, than admit she can’t reach something – which happens often, given her height, and has been the culprit behind a few bruised elbows. 

 Absolutely loves horseback riding, and has since she was a child and took her first lessons. She actually owns an Arabian thoroughbred named Ares whom she’d gotten from her parents as a gift, and has brought him along with her to Chicago. Whenever she is feeling stressed or lonely it’s where she can be found, either just tending to Ares, or taking him for a ride.

She has in the past, and still does - give out a fake name and a persona when she’s feeling like doing it. She’ll tweak her accent and her personality and dress appropriately and just play along - it’s not done out of malice, just an old habit she’s had since she was a teenager. If she likes you she’ll probably admit to it eventually and say who she really is. 

Does have a faint French accent that slips through when she’s irritated, tired or distressed - or when she feels like being extra. Words like mon cher and merde are used often enough though. 

Dances and sings at Eden as a way of taking control of her body again - it’s a way of coping with trauma, even if most people don’t know it is.

When she was kidnapped and imprisoned by a gang in New York, they tattooed her wrist to mark her as their property. She doesn’t like to speak of everything she’d endured there, from being forced to work in one of their clubs to being abused, and the scars she’d made over the tattoo are usually hidden beneath bracelets or long sleeves or gloves.   

She’s still a lively persona that refuses to be chained down by her trauma - she’s that person that’ll grab your hand and drag you on stage with her to sing karaoke, or refuse to leave when you’re dealing with something tough. She just loves people, and is willing to give herself away for them - it’s why she suffered so much and rebelled when her parents tried to lock her away to keep her from harm.

Loves painting/photographing people and animals, nature is fine - but she prefers to paint the living things, mid-movement and gilded with life. 

You can count on her to randomly quote shit, from poetry to literature. Her love for it has always been about escapism, but even now she can’t let go of it - she’s always caught up in some story unfurling in her mind. 

Her favourite things in Historia are old books and first editions - she’s hesitant to sell them sometimes, especially when she’s doubtful they’ll end up in good hands.  

Can’t fight properly - I mean she’s better than the average person, but there’s no way she could hold her own against someone who actually knows how to fight. Which is probably why she’s always on the lookout for someone who could train her, both to fight and to handle a gun. There’s a certain desperate need in her to learn how to protect herself - she doesn’t like feeling powerless.

Has killed someone when trying to escape from New York - she still hasn’t entirely gotten over it. It’s a struggle because she liked doing it - taking control back and avenging what they’d done to her. 

Will hide her scars the best she can - she doesn’t think they take anything away from her beauty but she also doesn’t like to be reminded of what was done to her, and tries to avoid curious glances and questions.

Loves playing the piano, and has one right in the middle of her living room - it’s all a very pretentious affair at first glance, but she actually does it because it’s familiar and soothing.

PERSONALITY

+     courageous, loyal, charming, caring, clever  -      stubborn, mercurial, guarded, deceitful, rebellious 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

The Sister - I’ve intentionally left her sister kinda unspecified because I want to leave room for the player to shape her and her story the way they want! But I would love to see this connection happen and I think Vivi absolutely adores her older sister, and while she hasn’t had problems rebelling against their parents, I think she’s always feared disappointing her sis. ksdfmlsdk I just need this in my life ngl 

Astor - The name isn’t set in stone btw, I can just change his name in the intro so you’re free to do with him what you like! (like the name, age, where he’s from, why he is who he is etc.) But basically, I would love to see this connection happen because the idea was that he didn’t die (even though Vivi isn’t sure if he’s alive or dead) and instead managed to get away. Why he did it can definitely be discussed and the connection has a looot of potential for being angsty. They haven’t seen each other in years but Vivi was once absolutely smitten with him - I think it would be interesting to see what their dynamic would be after all those years have passed and the trauma they both suffered. She will not give him back their Ferrari though. Might agree to shared custody and that’s only if he can bribe her hahah Anyway this doesn’t have to be a romantic connection - I mean that entirely depends on how they deal with what happened and if Vivi can even forgive the betrayal, but it can still be angsty either way. 

The one that set her free - Okay so there was a raid in New York, and someone didn’t bat an eyelid while she escaped, or actually helped her escape when they figured she was held against her will (we can tweak this, again it’s not set in stone) She’s figured out they are somewhere in Chicago, but it can be anyone really - from gang members to unaffiliated charries to police. She just wants to figure out who it is and thank them for saving her life tbh This can be legit anything - the charrie could recognize her but not say anything and she’d have to figure it out on her own, or she could actively seek them out, or they could tell her, anything works! 

Fake persona/name victims - Honestly this bitch be out there pretending to be a British art curator or a French duchess or a member of a rock band or some shit like that. It’s open to more than one charrie and she’s been all around the world so this could work for anyone, any age or location. There could have been an affair, but tbh it could have also been a business deal or a friendship or anything really. I would love to have these connections and have her have to explain who tf she really is. 

Someone who recognises her from New York - pretty self-explanatory. I would love to explore that part of her history and tbh this could force her to explain what had happened to her. She could’ve admitted to them that she needed help but they couldn’t do anything to help her, or she could’ve just played her part there (not to get punished) and they could think that was the real her, she could’ve probably danced for them or smth and maybe resents them for it? Honestly, this could be as positive or as negative as we want it to be (whatever fits your bby i’m down for it)  

Historia customers - Tbh your bby could be just a casual visitor or someone who’s privy to her connection with the black market. She could’ve gotten something from them that they couldn’t get otherwise. This can be anyone since she’s on neutral territory but it can also be a member of O’Sheas or Fausts bc she does work with them and tbh prefers them to the Vasiles - she’d like her market to stay free and open and not for someone to have a monopoly over it. 

Historia employees - She def needs help with Historia, so your charrie could be working there! Esp if they’re a fan of art and old things and old books - we can figure out the position! They could be aware of her more... illicit dealings or they could be completely clueless and there could be some drama when they find out! Also, they can nerd out over this stuff together...

Partner in crime - This could be set at any point in time - perhaps they worked together on a mission to get something, they might be an art trader or a con-artist themselves, or she asked (maybe even paid) for their help when there was a particularly tough mission and she needed backup and protection. skdfjosodl I would love this so much, like we can even do a present thread for it - she’s still in the business after all. 

Someone she duped/stolen from - again, pretty self-explanatory, but this could be anyone that might have had something she wanted - I’d love to see her get called out on it. It could but doesn’t have to be a dark and resentful connection, it can always be amiable and she can be like ok I’m sorry I was just doing my job - do you want me to get smth for you pro bono?? Or they could call out her thieving ass in a darker way hahaha

Friends - past and present both! Someone she knows from her travels, someone she’s been friends since she was kid, and especially someone she’s friends with now. She’s amiable and loves people so it’s not that far fetched and it could work for anyone, she’s not picky or judgy haha 

Her squad - please?? We stan that stuff in this household. Doesn’t matter who they are and what their gender is, but Vivi would straight up die for these people, and she really likes being alive so that says something. They could even be neighbours or something! Ooh they could also work at Eden, I’d love to see that! She’s very protective of them probs. 

Eden customers - people who know her from Eden (they can know her from Historia too), they might be friendly with her, or she might have even danced/flirted with them or slept with them. She’s not above it if she particularly likes someone and would do it anyway, even though she’s not an escort. 

ALL OF IT - exes, friends from the past, enemies, people she flirts with or has had a one night stand with (still does maybe?), frenemies esp, someone who works in the same field as her and she doesn’t like them getting in the way, or people who work a legit job in the industry (antiques, art, etc.) and she asks for their opinions and loves discussing things with them...... Take your pick! Or if you have some other idea, don’t be shy and reach out to me, we can work it out! 

[canaryatlaw]

well, today was a lot. mostly not in a good way. I’m so pissed about this case, fuck not bringing your work home, my work IS my life, there’s no way to keep them separate when they’re the same thing. I’m never going to get to the point where I can just walk away from a case with someone being left in danger and feel apathy, and I certainly never would want to feel that way. sigh. so here I am, horrendously mad about a case going wrong, and this is the same way I would feel as a volunteer, except then I’d have no way to remedy it, what happened is what happened, there wasn’t anything I could do about it. but that’s not the case now. there are ways I can fix this, and I sure as hell am going to do all I can to make that happen. sigh. I guess I should start with the beginning. I woke up randomly some time before I needed to but couldn’t fall back asleep, so I got up and made blueberry pancakes, because that’s the only logical solutions to situations like this. so it was my clinic day again, since now I have two days a week every other week as opposed to every 4 weeks since we tweaked the system somewhat, and my work load wasn’t supposed to be affected, because it was my coworkers who were changing balance, and I was supposed to be the same. so now one of them only ever has 1 clinic day a week (and more cases) and the other always has 2 clinic days a week (and less cases) and I was perfectly fine with remaining at an equal balance like we had been, but since things got shifted it’s just me and my boss that gets shuffled for that last day of the week, as opposed to all four of us. so that’s not my favorite thing, but to be honest I’ve been bored for most of the week with nothing to do, so at least it provided some work. I was also able to make a breakthrough on a situation I’ve been dealing with for over a week now, trying to figure out how to get this person served, and when I got in contact with the right people (who I did not think would be the right people) the answer was given surprisingly easy, so I’ll take that. otherwise things were relatively calm, though it seemed like a lot of people weren’t able to make contact with their clinic client, but it happens. then there’s this case (the one that blew up) that needed an unusual interpreter (the court generally has Spanish and Polish on same day call, but everything else needs a few days notice), however I hoped it would be quicker than normal because I would imagine it’s a lot easier to get an interpreter on zoom than get them to a physical courthouse. I’m telling y’all, we’re not going back, months before quarantine the chief judge was dead set against letting someone who lived in MINNESOTA testify over skype. things are a lot different know, that’s for sure, and access to parties like this is not going to go away. but anyway, it seems I was right and they scheduled it for this afternoon. well, things did not go according to plan. I’ve seen a lot of cases go the wrong way, and sometimes it’s unfortunate, but other times it’s horrifying, and that’s where we were today. We’re technically not really supposed to get involved with the hearing because we’re not representing, just helping facilitate and clarify anything if needed (basically considered and advocate the court decided) but I was getting into it and I considered being like “one minute you’re honor, (client), would you like me to be your lawyer? okay for the record rachel from job for the petitioner, requesting leave to file my appearance” and basically just jump onto the case like that but we were at a point where I didn’t think it would make a difference. so the whole thing got dismissed, and I was speechless, like I could see my face on the fucking screen and my eyes got huge and I was so shocked, I swear tf I’m never forgiving this judge for this, it was absolutely unnecessary and I honestly think it’s because he’s new and younger, and one of the more experienced judges wouldn’t get hung up on such a stupid technical issue. and of course the client is sobbing and I can barely tell her through the interpreter that we weren’t giving up and we’d fix this, and the language barrier was SUCH a giant pain I hated it so much. so that happened, but the good news is we have options and can file for a slightly different type of order we don’t usually handle, but we’re obviously making an exception here. Of course I had the forms completed in all of 20 minutes, and I reframed the affidavit to make it more focused on what we were now focusing on. so that’s all ready to go, subject to the client’s approval in the morning. the thing I did email my boss about was being like I would feel so much better about this situation if I could go into it representing her as her attorney, in which I would basically control the entire hearing, and I can make sure what happened today doesn’t somehow, incredibly bizarrely (but still) happen again. And I do feel really guilty because this was a technical issue and we were the ones with the forms and affidavit and I just feel fucking awful about all of it and I need to fix it, dammit, I know there will be situations like this that will royally suck and there isn’t anything I can do about it (had a few of them already), but in this circumstance there’s a way I can fix it, so I have to make it happen. I’m just praying we’re able to pull this off tomorrow and the court doesn’t start bitching at us about the interpreter or whatever else they may take issue with, which is really anything at this point. but I was asking my boss specifically because we don’t usually handle this type of order, and I didn’t really know how different they are in terms of going forward with the case but I would be down to stay on it, or if needed we can do the emergency and at first return court do a substitution of counsel with a nonprofit that handles them, which would be a lot smoother than trying to just represent her for the emergency hearing, which requires a whole other protocol that’s unnecessarily difficult. so yeah, that’s the plan for tomorrow at least, we’ll see what happens. I finished up the rest of the work for the day, and I am looking forward to my court case in the moment because opposing counsel has done some fucking ridiculous stuff and I just know I’m going to have so much fun with this, so there’s that at least lol. at 7 we finally recorded, not the longest episode (like 40 minutes I think) but long enough, I can live with that. After I listened to a podcast episode for a few, and then went to see what tv I had recorded and found out I didn’t have any Chicago shows episodes which was sad but I watched Black Lightning and Riverdale (lol) so I think I’m caught up to everything now. Riverdale is so fucking funny, I can’t help it, but looking at cole sprouse with chin stubble was a truly disturbing experience I don’t wish to repeat, but it seems like that’s the only real way they have to indicate they’re supposed to have aged and are now closer to the actual ages the actors are, lol. for part of it it looked like they hadn’t properly dyed Archie’s hair and it looked like they just like missed the side of it and it was a whole different color of red, lol weird. when that was over I watched jimmy kimmel for a bit before showering and starting to get ready for bed, and now I’m here and it’s not horrendously late, so I’m going to see if I can actually get to bed at least a little bit earlier than normal and do that now. Goodnight babes. Happy Friday.

[alexandric-blog1]

hey everyone !!! i’m admin sam and i’m super excited for this to finally get started !!! i reside in the est tmz and i go by she/her . this is my baby alexandria ( ya w an i in it sometimes ppl get confused whenever i use this name ) and she is a somewhat pre-existing muse so i already got a good idea on who she is and all that . anyway , without further aideu , here’s alexandria !!!

have you seen ALEXANDRIA BRENNAN? the CISFEMALE look like NATALIA DYER and live in 423. their rent is overdue! that TWENTY-ONE year old always seems to be IMPETUOUS, but you have to admit they are also GREGARIOUS. maybe it’s because they are so busy working as a GROCERY STORE CASHIER.

if u wanna plot , pls like this & we def will , i will hit u up ( or im me , whatever is easiest ) !!!

stats, bio, hc’s and connections here !!!

alex was born on november 15th, 1996 ( making her a scorpio ) in winona, colorado so she has been here her entire life . born and raised baby !!!

growing up, alex was a good angel child literally such a white suburban girl. she had okay-ish grades but tbh just wanted to live up and impress her family ( espec her parents ) bc uhhh middle child syndrome amirite. she has an older brother and younger sister and ofc they are both super smart and shes jus .... alex

once middle school rolled around , sis tweaked and started acting out but so subconsciously she didnt know what was going on ever . like somehow she would accidentally make her science project fuckin uh explode by mixing wrong chemicals or she would accidentally kick a soccer ball right into someones face

but uhh god forbid this chismosa entered high school . she tried to keep up good grades until gr 11/junior year ( whatever u call it ) when the how do u say TEEN ANGST kicked tf in !!!

she was like ‘ uhhh college , who is that ?? i deleted her from my contacts month ago ! ‘ whenever asked about it and pretty much accepted she wasnt going anywhere in life ( even tho she has such an interest in art and shii )queue rebellious teenage phase of getting drunk every weekend and smoking weed heheheh shes SOOOO CRazy !

alex didnt rly get out of her rebellious phase but now it jus kind of a life style ??? like shes kween of impulse !!! any crazy decision she has made is always in the moment and could sometimes lead to bad endings, though that doesn’t stop her now regardless of how many times her dumb ideas have gotten her in trouble

she loves and supports her friends so much crying face emoji <3 but alex herself literally doesnt know how to confront her own damn feelings bc shes a chismosa

^ also , even though she doesn’t like expressing herself and acknowledging her feelings , when she needs to let things out , it’s generally in a very explosive or mood swing-y way. she can lash out over little things if something has been building up but it’s not something that happens often + she always regrets it afterwards bc she both verbally attacked someone most likely innocent and bc that person knows how she’s feeling

^^ very hidden about a lot of things unless she’s close with you

^^^ ALSO just because she’s not good at handling her own feelings , she wants to do her best to make sure her friends are happy and tries to give them the best advice she can ( but bc of this , she a bit hypocritical )

anyway , currently , she’s working at a grocery store bc she doesnt know how to get her life started again  ( but like since shes into art i plan on eventually getting her to grow n expand as a person and get an actual job ) but she doesnt care that much bc shes havin fun and livin life

ok sorry this got so long i probably forgot so many points i wanted to add but whatever

[poldarkmmmuses]

poldarkmmmuses musings: The Four Swans – one year and a WHOLE lotta Poldark after

THIS POST IS RIDDLED WITH POLDARK SPOILERS FOR THE FOUR SWANS. AND THERE IS SWEARING. CONSIDER YOURSELVES WARNED.

I’d only been active in the fandom for a few months when I read tFS for the first time. And I admit, I was quite vocal about the things that happened in it. Since I’ve become more involved in the fandom, have watched series one of the 2015 countless times, analyzed both S1 and S2 to pieces, and led interweb bookclubs on both The Black Tide and The Four Swans for the Poldark Podcast, I can say some of my thoughts around Graham’s sixth book have mellowed. This is not to say I’m all warm and fuzzy about Hugh Armitage all of a sudden. I’m just no longer demanding his head be served to me on a platter.

I have a trigger when it comes to adultery. I’ve mentioned it in a few locations as well as the podcast. This goes back all the way to when I was a kid (back in the Stone Age). Without getting into too many details, my dad had affairs. The last one broke up my folk’s marriage. At the time, I was all about being on Team Mom. It wasn’t until after she’d passed and I’d learned some of the KRAYKRAY shit happening in their relationship at the time of that last affair that I began to understand why my father made the choices he did. This perspective has doubled as I approach the twenty year mark on a less-than-ideal marital situation. 

So, what do I get with all of this life-wisdom heaped onto my head?

There are no such things as Soulmates™. I say this specifically to address some of the anonymous asks that have come into the @poldarkpodcast inbox. Here’s a sample (tweaked spelling and punctuation a bit): 

...not enjoying the four swans don’t like how Graham comes up with plot devises to constantly split up Ross and Demelza. he gave them a break in Black Moon, wonder if that’s why we talk about it so much because of heartache. I think in Black Moon Ross loves Demelza more then ever but as you said, there is now a chink in Demelza's armor, she loves Ross still but it’s not the same as before the betrayal, she changed, lost faith, not on pedestal anymore, because if she was as happy as she seemed in Black Moon she wouldn’t want to have known Hugh, just friends who enjoy company etc, if you in love with husband you don’t sleep with a man who you hardly know, just to make him happy, its as bad as Ross sleeping with Margaret because she fed up, this was wrong of Graham to do this with Demelza because it alters how her character has been so far in the books, i know she has flaws, reckless with Julia, Verity etc but not unfaithful to Ross, hate the four swans. I agree with all what you said, she didn’t need to have sex with him on the beach, she could of said no, spoils it for me, hate betrayal, makes a mock of their marriage and i thought they were soul mates in literature, don’t think so. What do you you think Michelle

Folks are undeniably upset about Demelza’s adultery and have said they were supposed to be Soulmates™ (the trademark is my addition to the term that is posted). Other than the dictionary definition of the word, I simply cannot believe there is only one person on a planet of seven billion that I’m meant to be in a perfect, shiny, awesome state of being for the rest of my life . If that’s the case and I’m current with that person, then whoever is responsible for the soulmate matching job in my current situation is about to get a size-ten Doc Marten upside the head because why? EPIC FAIL. 

It’s a lovely, romantic notion, to be sure, to be with a single person in one’s life and never encounter moments of suck, the whole “happily ever after” idea. And yes, there are many couples out there who have been able to sustain a loving, committed relationship with the same person who used to snap their bra straps in junior high school or whatever. What I’ve discovered is what lies beneath those “soulmate-type” couples most if not all of the time is unwelcome compromise, societal pressures to stay together, despite what would be better for all concerned, and/or a SHIT-ton of hard, heartbreaking and heart-mending work that chips away on the very foundations of their partnership. This can include infidelity (emotional or physical), lack of communication, grief and loss, changes in dynamic (e.g. the traditional bread winner loses their job, so the other partner becomes the breadwinner and all of the mindfucking that goes into that. Don’t ask me how I know this). Which brings me to my next point…

Marriage is hard frakking work. There’s a reason why I haven’t bounced out of this less than ideal relationship. Or, I should say, YET. It’s far too easy to bail on a situation where the person you married has left the toilet seat up or has left the cap off the toothpaste one too many times. Living one’s life with another person, a person who is doing the same amount of growing and changing as you are, requires strong communication, opportunities to be independent in one’s hobbies or activities, and a whole bunch of other stuff. The first one, communication, is the thing that glues everything together. If you’re not willing to do the work, accept those moments when you’ve been the horse’s ass and need to apologize or say “I don’t think I love you anymore”, then stick with dating and booty calls.

So why blather about this stuff on a Poldark blog? Because the Poldark series is NOT a fairy tale, like Beauty and the Beast or The Little Mermaid. It is all about a marriage, through its turmoil and betrayal; its healing and forgiveness, that spans thirty-plus years. We encounter two of the greatest injuries to the Poldark marriage in Warleggan and The Four Swans. By the end of the latter, BOTH Ross and Demelza, our power couple, the Soulmates™, the hero and heroine of the series, have committed adultery, but emotional AND physical adultery and are at a very precarious place in their relationship. And as much as I want to rage and howl at both of them – and I do, every single time I re-read these books, I do – the emotion I am left with is a bone deep disappointment, the same disappointment I had when I was a kid and discovered my father’s failings, and when I was an adult, and discovered my mother’s failings. Feet of clay.

Now, neither of them were hapless victims or perpetrators of their decision making. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. I’ve got ZERO love for either Elizabeth or Hugh, see both of them as being selfish, manipulative individuals (I’ve at least backed away from the predator label I’d slapped on Armitage my first read-through of tFS…see? An old dog can learn new tricks) and have much to do with how things shake out. Communication across the board for these four was ridiculously flawed and craptastic. Ultimately, it was the folks who’d made the promises that day in June 1787 that are responsible for ignoring the “You Shall Not Pass” line.

Why does Demelza’s adultery affect me more than Ross’s? Believe me, I’ve asked myself this question more times than I care to think about. Maybe it’s because she’d been the injured party first? Because she is so intuitive and has such well-honed Spidey senses and they’d been screeching in her ear from the moment she met Hugh? Because despite her saying she was content with Ross, in love with him and only wanted to be his wife, it feels like she was saying all of those things with her fingers crossed behind her back? Sadly, she doesn’t accept the truth of the situation until after she’s given herself to Hugh. Even after she acknowledges Jud’s tale telling and Ross’s secret meetings (which she assumes are ongoing rather than the single incident) as something that’s niggled at the back of her mind and, in the moment of decision, “eroded her will”, she acknowledges that it only had the power to do so because her impulses towards the act were strong enough that they would have leapt upon any excuse to justify the act. Even Hugh’s romance and fawning and charm and crap weren’t enough to sweep her away. Further, it isn’t until she thinks of the damage the knowledge of her infidelity would have upon her relationship with Ross should he ever find out that she begins to feel bad about what she’s done. She then reconsiders the possibility that Hugh’s romantic overtures had more of an impact on her than she’d thought earlier (of course they did, otherwise you wouldn’t have kept all of those damn poems, Demelza). She is sorry for committing adultery, not because she is any less in love with Ross, nor because she’s remorseful about having the experience of making love with another man (because she’s not)...it is because it has eradicated trust and loyalty, just as Ross’s visit to Elizabeth in Warleggan did. And even then… it’s not until Hugh is dead that she finally, FINALLY seems to come to terms with her actions and motives behind them: a) she was instantly attracted to him; and b) she’d fallen in love with him -- long before she learned of Ross’s meeting with Elizabeth -- and followed her heart’s desire.

If SHE casts aside her knowledge of Ross and Elizabeth’s meeting(s) and Ross’s fall from grace as an excuse for her behavior, who are we to continue to point at them as being the thing that would have kept her from doing what she did? Hugh’s not the only one who has had Demelza on a pedestal. We have as well. And her fall from that lofty position hurts so incredibly much.

tl;dr If I could say one thing it would be this: Ross? Leave that sonofabitch at Quimper. He ain’t nothing but trouble.

Want to read the passage where Demelza ponders all of this? It’s behind the cut. Happy to talk about this -- I know I’ll enjoy the conversation. Well… enjoy might not be the right word for it, but you know what I mean. :-)

The Four Swans, by Winston Graham, Book 3, Chapter 1, Part 3 pages 427-434, Kindle edition

But to be honest she could not allow herself even the luxury of blaming her lapse on Jud’s tale-telling, on Ross’s secret meetings. It had of course been in the back of her mind all these months, a little corrosive eating away at her normal contentment; and on the soft sand beside the Seal Hole Cave with the cliffs towering and a man kneeling in the sand watching her, the knowledge had come suddenly to the forefront and on the instant eroded her will. But it could only have done that if the impulses were already so strong within her that they seized on any excuse to have their way. It was an excuse, she knew that with certainty. A good one or a bad one, who knew? But an excuse for what was inexcusable. 

Nor could she really pretend to herself that she had been swept away by Hugh’s romantic approach. Of course it was delightful to be someone’s chivalrous ideal. But she was altogether of the wrong temperament to be much affected by it. She knew well enough that such a poetic view of love was impossible to sustain, and she had made this clear to him all through their friendship. Indeed his extravagances, charming though they were, would have tended to defeat their own object. (Was it unfair to him to suppose that he had tried to charm her, to weave a spell around her, to hypnotize her with idealistic attitudes and beautiful words? Perhaps it was unfair, for his sincerity could hardly be doubted.) Anyway, she had refused to be so hypnotized. Yet in the end she had not refused him. She had given herself to him with warmth and sensuous ease. There had been little or no embarrassment. It had happened, cut off from the rest of the world, under the hot sun. 

So what was the reason? Attraction, sheer physical attraction, which she had felt from the moment they had first met last year; sadness, for the news he brought of himself; opportunity, which had settled on them like a strange bird, making unreality out of isolation and giving her the feeling that she was no one, except a nameless woman to be taken by a nameless man. 

Were these reasons, except the first, any better than more excuses? From the moment he set eyes on her he had wanted her, and now he had had her. Perhaps it would cure him. Perhaps now that he had brought her down to the level of other women he would be able to go away and forget. There was an old saying that all women were the same when the candle was blown out. He had had many other women, he had implied; now she was one of them. Now he could turn his idealism on some other girl. Perhaps her giving herself to him would in the end be a good thing, clearing his mind of his desire, enabling him to come to terms with himself, and to forget. 

She wished she could believe this. Or she almost wished it. No woman really wants to feel that by giving herself to a man she has expended her attraction in his eyes. But that likelihood now seemed less probable than it had done yesterday. While Ross was asleep this afternoon, sleeping off some of the frustrations and unease of the sinister night, the same tall groom had arrived again, clattering over the cobbles at the front door –alone, thank God, but all the same openly delivering a message to her that Ross might well have asked to see. Admittedly the covering note was formal enough, a polite letter thanking her for her hospitality of Tuesday and expressing a hope that she and Ross would dine again at Tregothnan before he returned home. But folded inside it was another poem, and who knew whether she would have had the sleight of hand to get it into her pocket without its being seen? 

The metre had changed, but not the style. 

Hallowed by sea and sand Beauty was in my hand.  In taking her I came  Moth to the whitest flame,  Body caressed and turned  Wings of desire unburned.  Lips to my lips unfold  Tale of our love is told.  Yet there can be no end,  In love our lives extend,  And if this day be all  Proud is my heart’s recall  Proud is my funeral pall. 

It didn’t seem to have altered his attitude as yet, or to have ‘cured’ him of anything at all. Then had it cured her? But cured her of what? A compulsive sensuous impulse to lie with another man for once in her life? A perverse desire to be unfaithful to the man she loved? A wish to give happiness, if it was in her power, to someone sorely threatened? A sudden moral lapse, lying in the warm sand with the salt water drying on her body? 

The odd and slightly disconcerting thing was that she was not quite sure that she had anything to be cured of. She felt no less in love with Ross than before –perhaps, perversely, a little more so. She felt no different –or very little different –towards Hugh Armitage. She was taken with him, warmed by his love and returning some of it. The experience, the physical experience, if one could separate it even in one’s thoughts from the heart-stopping tension and sweet excitement of the day, had not in essence varied from what she had known before. She did not feel that she was becoming in any real way a light woman. She did not see it as a happening that was likely to recur. It was just a trifle disconcerting that she did not feel very much changed in any way as a result of it. 

That was not to say that she had spent a happy two days since. At times the discomfort and apprehension she felt might well have been mistaken for bitter remorse for wrong-doing. Unfortunately the remorse was something of which she had to remind herself rather than a sensation welling up naturally from her conscience. The true discomfort grew out of something different. At the moment, what had happened on Tuesday was an event in isolation, unconnected with the past, unattached to the future. But if Ross knew of it, even got to suspect it, then the anonymity of the experience would be shattered, the isolation broken into, and her life with him might be laid waste. 

It was not an agreeable thought, and, standing at the window with little shivers going through her body in the warm night, she did not much like herself. It seemed to her that if she had committed adultery it was for the wrong reasons, and if she was sorry she had committed it, it was again for the wrong reasons.

On the Tuesday it had been after one when they left the beach. They had rowed straight back. 

He had said in the boat: ‘You have not asked me to dinner but I’ll not stay. If Ross should return I should feel embarrassed, and in truth all I want now for a long time is to be alone.’ 

‘Your groom will be tired of waiting.’ 

‘I have been tired of waiting . . . When can I see you again?’ 

‘Not, I believe, for a long time.’ 

‘A long time will be too long for me.’ 

‘When are you going home?’ 

‘To Dorset? I don’t know. My uncle believes there is an election coming shortly and thinks to invite me to stand for Truro.’ 

‘But your –oh, I suppose he doesn’t know?’ 

‘Not yet. In any event, if the election occurred this summer I could still no doubt deceive the electors. And I suspect there have been blind Members of Parliament before this.’ 

‘Do not say that.’ 

‘Well, it will have to be said sooner or later.’ 

‘Are spectacles no use to you? I’m still not sure how much you can see?’ 

‘Today I have seen enough.’ 

‘Hugh, please, we should talk no more like this . . . I need not ask you when we get ashore to talk no more like this.’ 

‘You need not ask me, Demelza. My lovely one, no hurt shall come to you from anything I say. I assure you.’ 

So they had landed, and the impassive groom, who had been sitting in the shade of the rocks, came to help them gravely in, and, the boat stowed in the cave, they had walked up the narrow valley to the house talking of seals and other casual things, and he had refused to come in but had stood chatting in the doorway until the two horses were led round, and they had mounted and clattered off up the valley. Hugh had not waved as he left, but he had turned and stared at her for a long moment, as if trying to memorize what he might not see again. 

She turned from the bedroom window and looked about her at the familiar room. The teak beams running lengthwise of the ceiling, the new green velvet curtain over the door, the window seat with its pink grogram hanging; the wardrobe door ajar and a corner of the frock, the green frock, peering out like a guilty secret; Ross’s dark head and regular breathing. My lovely one, no hurt shall come to you from anything I say. But what of the things you write? In the sort of company in which Hugh was brought up, possibly letters were brought on a platter to the breakfast table by a manservant and everyone was too well bred to ask even whom a communication was from, let alone expect to see its contents. In Nampara household, on the other hand, such was the amity and friendship between them, that Ross always tossed any letters he received across to her to read after, and she, on the rare occasions when she had one, automatically did the same. However folded within another letter, the last poem was dangerous indeed. Body caressed and turned, Wings of desire unburned. Lips to my lips unfold. Judas! No wonder she shivered in the warm night! 

The bit of paper should have been torn up at once. It was like a little heap of gunpowder waiting for a chance spark. But sometimes caution can go too far, and she couldn’t quite force herself to destroy it. However little or much the incident might come to mean in future years, the poem meant something. It meant something to her and she could not lose it. So instead she had slipped it with the other poems she had received into a little wash-leather bag that she had found in the old library long years ago. It was safe enough there, she felt, for no one touched the drawer it was in except herself. 

She came back to the bed. She wondered for a moment if perhaps she had been dismissing Hugh’s romantic persuasions too lightly. What had he said? By giving love you do not diminish it. Love only adds to itself, it never destroys. Tenderness is not like money; the more you give to one the more you have for others. Perhaps there was hard common sense in this as well as poetry. Certainly there was, if one could overcome loyalty and possessiveness and jealousy and trust. But how could one? What if Ross had been sleeping with Elizabeth? What if his story about aiding in the arrest of the miners were an untruth and he had spent the night in Elizabeth’s arms? How would she feel then? That Ross’s love had grown for her because he had been intimate with another woman’s body? Love only adds to itself, it never destroys. Tenderness is not like money. But neither is trust, Hugh, neither is trust. Neither is loyalty. You can give those away and they are gone for ever, Hugh. Though only a part of love, they are a vital part, gathered, stored, built up over the years, like something growing round love, protecting it, warming it, adding another strength to it and another savour. Give those away and they are gone for ever...

She drew back the thin sheet and slid in beside Ross, very cautiously so as not to wake him. She lay on her back for a moment, wide eyed, silent breathed, staring at the half-dark ceiling. Then Ross moved, as if conscious that she had been away and had come back. He did not put his arm around her but his hand came to rest on hers while he slept.