#and it sort of feels like a natural ending. i've drifted through my own life for so long and i let everything get bad and now at my pinnacl

[bekolxeram]

Unfortunately, I don't have the means to donate this time, (Stupid expensive health issues🙄) but I'd still like to express my gratitude to Bucktommy and this fandom for the occasion.

Not that my life has ever been sunshine and rainbows, but 2024 has been particularly difficult for me. I started the year the sickest I've been for years, then one of my uncles passed away in February. He was 88. He had been slowly succumbing to dementia for quite some time, so almost everyone agreed a cardiac arrest was a blessing in disguise.

I wasn't close with him, but my mother was, and naturally, I had to spend pretty much the entire March accompanying her to all sorts of traditional ceremonies for the dead. All my uncle's children, my cousins, came back from abroad as well. They enjoyed hanging out with me back when I was a toddler, but then I slowly grew up into this weird, moody kid of few words, and we kind of drifted apart from there.

Family reunions were never awkward despite my gloomy existence though, they had their fun aunt who never ran out of things to talk about. To them, my mother's the life of the party and an exemplary woman, who went through tragedies in life but still manages to come out stronger on the other side, who unfortunately had to re-enter the workforce later in life to support her physically ill husband and her mentally ill teenage daughter.

What they don't know, is that while she's a fun aunt, she's not a fun mother. She was dealing with the stress and frustration so well because she always had an outlet at home. Someone she had total ownership over, officialized by a piece of birth certificate. Someone she could do whatever she'd like to, emotionally and physically, because in my culture, it's simply an alternative, maybe outdated method of parenting, not a crime.

I've had time to process my messy relationship with my mother, I've come to (mostly) accept it for what it is. Watching my cousins all rushing over to my mother with open arms to console her, watching my cousins' children playing around, having fun with her, while my existence was barely acknowledged, was actually more triggering than I expected. It acted as a sobering reminding that not only do I have merely a handful of friends since I left church, I in fact don't have any family left either. They're all my mother's family, not mine.

It was probably the most lonely and isolating experience in my life. It's like I was trapped inside of my head, my head that was gradually turning into a bottomless pit of nothingness.

Then Tommy Kinard drove through cross town traffic just to clear the air in person. He expressed how much he wanted to be a part of a family. Then he took his shot and got the boy in the end.

I just felt... understood. Watching Bucktommy's story play out on screen gave me some rare moments of joy and much needed hope. I felt like if Tommy could find happiness later in life, maybe it wasn't too late for me either.

If you've had experience with depression, you'd know how sometimes getting out of bed, brushing your teeth feels like an uphill battle already. Motivation is precious and hard to come by. I was so motivated creatively by Bucktommy and people in the fandom who resonated with the story just like me, that I wrote series of posts analyzing every scene in S7, I learned how to make gifs to illustrate the humor I found in all of us, I figured out how to edit video especially for my vision of a Brad-nado, I even wrote and posted my first fanfic ever.

And I just love how we refuse to give up hope, even after the breakup. We cried, we whined, then we doubled our effort writing fix-it fics, continuing their story on our own terms. Now, we even manage to raise thousands of dollars for charities in 24 hours in the name of love.

Sorry for the wall of text all about myself, I hope I don't come across as a self-absorbed jerk. I always thought I would never make it to 30, it started feeling like a real possibility in March. What happened instead was that my 30th birthday came and go because I was too busy screaming about Buck batting his eyelashes at Tommy when he was receiving a medal.

I'm sitting here, typing this out, looking back at my 2024 at the end of the year, only because Bucktommy happened and I had the pleasure to cross path with you all. I know, it's stupid, it's just a TV show, but I can't really imagine how my life would turn out if I never had Bucktommy, where I would be right, or even if I would still be at all.

So, thank you, for making life worth living for me again.

[ifistayitwillbedouble]

oooh interesting, i'll give it a shot

2 Red Flags:

1) I'm Airport Mike Sometimes: WAIT! Hear me out-so I have social anxiety disorder and I'm absolutely not saying that that's the red flag! It's just that the disorder has helped me foster some not-so-great behavioral habits that make it hard for me to express how I really feel, especially when I don't know someone so well. Sometimes I just don't know how to be myself so I just "play it cool" and put on a sort of facade to help me get through a social interaction. But then I don't tell people stuff like how much I love their laugh or how I wish we could go out and skateboard together more often or how it hurts that we've been drifting apart lately. It can be hard to guess what I'm thinking. So I'm like Mike at the airport, but I'm not as much of a gay mess as he was.

2) No Romantic Vulnerability: I am aspec, so the idea of romance being prized over all types of relationships is something that I have thought about a lot and despise greatly. But I wanted to focus on it here just because this is a "get to know me" kinda game and this is honestly something that I find interesting about myself: I'm asexual and while I do want romantic relationships, I'm super averse to them and my own romantic feelings, which is kinda wild because it's one of the only ways in which I'm in the majority (being alloromantic rather than aromantic). Basically, I kinda shut down any time I feel like someone might be showing interest in me and I almost always brush my feelings off to the side (i like to pretend it's just gender envy or other things i can internalize to myself only). I also kinda lied earlier, I'm absolutely as much of a gay mess as Mike, but I've had lots of practice keeping it in lmao. I think this one comes from most of romance in media and such not being appealing to me and gender roles (can you tell I like analyzing myself).

Romance in media and to an extent in real life feels like a lot of people reaching for the idea of a romantic relationship itself rather than forming a relationship with someone naturally as a consequence of caring about the other person. It's like an ideal that distracts people from the base fact that a relationship is with another person and that never made much sense to me. It felt like dating often was using other people as a means to end and to achieve ✨a relationship✨and that was never it for me, so I didn't wanna participate (also that so much of what I saw was imbued with strict gender roles and I personally could not be in a relationship that didn't feel gay). The gender stuff though was a bit more sticky. With growing up very nonbinary, I basically gave up on the idea that someone could like me in a way that didn't hurt me. It always felt like I was shoehorned into a certain gender and that was how people would treat me and it genuinely caused me pain. It made a younger me give up on the idea that I could ever feel seen for who I was in a romantic relationship because it's really hard to get a lot of people to truly see you and respect you as nonbinary. While I was consistently treated as a binary gender, when it came to romantic things it felt like that increased tenfold. I don't believe this quite as much as I used to anymore (thank god for queer friends), but the feelings still stick. Okay that was long, lmao, I just feel like it's something that's interesting to try and look at from an outside perspective so I had a lot to write about it 😅

2 Green Flags:

1) I'm a Huge Fan of Communication: I'm not trying to claim that I'm good at it, but I think even being open to communication goes a long way. My biggest troubles in relationships have always been with people who sort of view communication as a sort of conflict and avoid it entirely, but not me baby! Communication is wonderful and hard and so so necessary. I wanna understand other people as much as I want to understand myself and there's nothing quite as satisfying as being able to bridge that gap. I like admitting I'm wrong. At the end of the day, it feels good.

2) I'm Not Judgemental: Unless it's something that's unethical, I'm pretty good at not being unnecessarily critical. Cringe culture never really got its hooks into me. I don't let those feelings quickly mar how I see someone forever, and I'm pretty good at changing my mind about people. I know it's impossible to fully understand how another person came to be where they are/do what they do and so I feel like I don't really have a place to judge. I just want everybody to figure out what their authentic lives look like to them and find a way to live it. Plus, judgemental people can make people feel on edge around them and I'd never want to be that.

3 Things I Look For:

1) Sweet/Gentle: Honestly, sweet/gentle people have been some of the most beautiful people I've met and I think they deserve that acknowledgment. I really admire them and I find them so easy to be around. I think it's kinda hard to stay that way, especialy with the internet now? Like, I think a lot of people find it more rewarding/cool to by cynical or witty even in ways that can hurt others. I want the people around me to either have these traits or 100% see their merits.

2) Similar Moral/Political Values: What is it they say, "the personal is political"? I know some people think they can push aside things like their political views to get along with someone, but honestly a lot of my political views feel like basic things to me. If a person doesn't believe in things like gay marriage or that nobody should ever have to deal with poverty no matter what, they're just ethically not on the same page as me. There's plenty of opinions/beliefs I have that I'm absolutely willing to be flexible on, but there's just some stuff that I absolutely will not.

3) Thinks Deeply: Someone who thinks there's something worth thinking about in themselves, other people, and life in general. Also someone that I can talk to about my favorite bits of writing and Queer/Feminist Theory. Someone who engages with those conversations! That would be awesome. There's so much that comes along with the willingness to think about things that I think shows both in silly and serious moments.

Love/Intimacy:

i got a little silly with it rather than just aesthetic (i'm also sorry to any ex-vld fans who might see this, but i had to)

(the sleep one got me a bit because I have pretty bad sleep problems, but being around people/cats that make me feel safe essentially makes them disappear)

Thanks for the tag! This was really interesting to do and it's so cool to learn more about people on here, especially stuff that feels a bit deeper. This was also interesting for me to do because I still sometimes struggle with the idea that my love is less than on account of me being ace, but it made me feel a lot better to talk about it, ngl

npt: @bylerpining @boyfriendsmalec @pansexualdisasterrr

let’s play a question game because i’m tired and i like talking about myself + i’m curious about you’re guys’ answers

Rules: State 2 of your red flags, 2 green flags, 3 things you look for in a partner / life companion and make a collage of 6-8 pictures about what intimacy and love look like to you <3

i’ll go first

2 Red flags

1) High standards / Loses interest really fast. In general, i tend to get overly excited at first when i meet someone and im very eager to get to know them, but the moment i sense something not clicking i shut them off and distance myself. I’m nervous about being disappointed and slightly scared of intimacy. I mostly need to feel understood, like on a philosophical and psychic level (i feel like a goddamn book character, sue me) so if that isn’t the case, i’m not interested.

2) Overthinker / minimal self-confidence. I’m pretty insecure and feel like everybody hates me so it’s pretty difficult for someone to convince me that they genuinely like me as a person and they’re not in fact disgusted by me (trauma babe <3). I also tend to over-explain things and i get too into my head, being suspicious of everything and everyone. I also apologise like- a lot. Must be tiresome.

2 Green flags

1) Emotional intelligence. I feel like one of my best qualities is my ability to listen and at least try to understand other people. I’m very considerate and i always confirm my love for my beloved ones via poetry, art, physical touch and words of affirmation. I’m also a very sensitive person so i don’t judge and try my best not to make others uncomfortable.

2)Always has something to say. Yep, im a yapper and a nerd to the bone. I have plenty of interests and i’m a very curious person who always looks for meaning in things. Im also very animated when i speak, which may be annoying to some, but it’s certainly entertaining, for better or for worse.

3 things i look for in a partner

1) Communication skills. I feel like communication is the basis of a healthy relationship, without which there can’t be trust, sincerity and depth. Someone who’s willing to reach out, to talk things through and not give up immediately, to express their love, fears, dreams, things i could do on my part to strengthen our bond. Someone who makes their boundaries clear and asks whenever they are uncertain about things.

2) Intelligence / Interests. To be clear, by intelligence i do not mean “ Straight A’s, PhD, successful, NASA FUCKING APPROVED”. Nope. I mean in general, someone who thinks for themselves and has opinions, someone with interests and passions, real passions that give meaning to their life. Someone with a high EQ (emotional intelligence) because i could never be with someone emotionally unavailable.

3) A strong ethical compass. Someone who stands up for what’s right and whose ethical values align with mine. Someone brave and outspoken, who doesn’t tolerate bigotry, insensitivity, ignorance. Someone kind and gentle.

What is intimacy?

No pressure tags <3 @robintheoriedbyler @bylerfiles @justwhenbluemeetsyellow @miwihearts @miwiromantics @yourlocalbadgerscales @star-41306 @nommereranger @somewiseoutthere + anyone who’d like to join

[abitohoney]

Hello dear! 😊 I couldn't help but read the tags of your reblog of my Grayson/Mel fanart!! I also happen to know that you have very good headcanons and write equally good stories 😉 No wonder, that I got curious and decided to drop you this little ask about my favourite ship, hehe. So, what are your thoughts about Grayson x Mel, what kind of dynamic can you imagine them to have?? 🤓 Also, I've happened to see your queue of fics your working on and almost fell off my chair in excitement, because it lists "power bottom Grayson"!!! I've always seen her as top, with Mel being more of a power bottom/brat. But I also hc that Grayson has her moments where she doesn't mind Mel being the top. What do you say? Does this spark any ideas that you might provide for further inspiration? 😇

Oh my goodness, I can barely get past your first sentence. You called me "dear". You've got me over here blushing. That's so en-dear-ing! 😜 And then you follow that up with such nice compliments?! *blush intensifies* Thank you!

My thoughts on your favorite ship? Well, I honestly hadn't even considered it until I saw that lovely art of yours, but here are some thoughts that come to mind at the moment. I did try to sorta organize my thoughts, but not sure I did so well. My apologies for that. Also, a little lengthy, so below the cut...

(Bonus: a couple of my fav screenshots of these two)

SFW

So I could actually see their relationship starting out as a friendship or a sort of mentor-type relationship. Mel doesn't seem to have the best relationship with her mother, so I could see her really leaning on Grayson not only as someone with more life experience, but also as someone who more aligns with her own beliefs and values than her mom. Grayson is certainly no pushover, but she is considerably more compassionate and empathetic.

Of course, that friendship would eventually bloom into romance. (Not sure how either could possibly resist the other.)

I could see either being the one to finally take it to the next level. Or honestly, it could be neither of them. It could just happen naturally, perhaps without either even realizing it.

Maybe they go on lunch dates initially (as friends or even colleagues depending on if we're talking canon universe or AU). But their conversations always tend to start drifting to more personal subjects. And eventually, it may even lead to a majority of their chats being personal.

They both start to slowly incorporate soft, intimate touches. Like Mel placing those delicate fingers of hers on the backs of Grayson's hands whenever Grayson is feeling weighed down by her work. And Grayson pressing her hand against the small of Mel's back when she guides her through the crowds. Or pulling her chair out for her. (I love to think of Grayson as being very debonair. Such a gentlewoman.)

Then lunches turn into dinners at a fancy restaurant, and those eventually turn into home-cooked dinners at Grayson's (that they cook together!) Next thing you know, they're sharing a bottle of Chardonnay and their true feelings start to bubble to the surface.

I also HC them being big on witty banter. They're both highly intelligent and quick-witted. Lots of flirting, teasing, and just a battle of quips. And really, I think they'd be evenly matched. One of them would have to break eventually, but it changes from day to day.

Gonna throw in a random idea here for... IDK, a prompt, or maybe just how they end up starting to see more of each other. Perhaps the council is suddenly in danger. Maybe a series of death threats are made to the council. So each member ends up being assigned a high-ranking officer to be a bodyguard of sorts. And wouldn't you know it, Mel is the lucky one to have Grayson as her protector. So of course, they end up spending quite a lot of time together. And with time, feelings arise. Plus there could be some thrilling moments in which Mel does actually find herself in danger, where her heroine Grayson has to save/protect her!

NSFW-ish

I 100% agree with you that, at least in most cases, Mel is very much a power bottom (and rather bratty about it).

Also, I see Grayson primarily as a service top. More than happy to oblige Mel.

I imagine Mel being a bit impatient, but playfully so (goes right along with the whole bratty bottom). She's not mean or nasty by any means. Sort of teasing Grayson for taking her damn sweet time when they are between the sheets. Not that she doesn't enjoy or even expect some foreplay. She just has her limits.

But Grayson would enjoy just playing along. She'd dish whatever smart remark Mel makes right back at her. More of that fun, witty banter dynamic I mentioned earlier.

"Grayson, honey, if I'd wanted nothing more than a massage I'd have brought in a masseuse."

"So sorry darling, I had no idea you had someplace to be on this Saturday evening."

Although I think Grayson could also just simply play nice and indulge her impatient, albeit sweet, Mel. Tame the brat with sweet words, agreeing to anything Mel demanded with a whispered, "Of course, love." Or "Yes, darling." Following each up with a tender kiss or a gentle touch.

Okay, so maybe this one is a little random, but seeing how much Mel likes to paint, I could totally see her insisting that she paint a nude portrait of Grayson. It would probably take some convincing. Not that Grayson is shy, but more so that she is a bit modest. But with enough of Mel's smooth sweet talk and flattery (commenting on how gorgeous Grayson is) I think Grayson would cave.

Also, in regards to the power bottom Grayson request in my queue; that poor thing has been sitting there for months. I've been too distracted by other things and then I had some trouble deciding how I wanted to implement it. However, it is with my beta right now, so hopefully it will be posted soon!

Thank you for the ask! It was fun to think about this rare pair! <3

[the-hotter-otter]

Strangers || ATEEZ Fanfic

Seonghwa X OC

Mafia/Crime AU

3.7k words

Part 3 || chapter list || previous chapter || next chapter

Hyejin can’t fully commit to Seonghwa’s tempting offer, meanwhile Hongjoong continues to keep secretes.

Warning: blood, minor death, injury, violence, knife use

Angst, fluff, smut, cussing, violence, death

note: ayo shit will start moving soon I promiseee, I seriously don’t know where this story is gonna go but fuck it we’ll see. 

No pov

Hongjoong wasn’t at all surprised when Seonghwa came into his office late at night. He could tell there was a lie in between the lines Seonghwa spoke when he confronted the two last week. Being best friends for years with a bit of blood, death and guns on the side really did bring people together. 

“What’s her name?” Hongjoong asked, he couldn’t stay mad at Seonghwa. Hongjoong knew punishment wasn’t necessary on the eldest who was already racking his brain on it, as a leader he could tell when further discipline was needed and when it was best to leave it to their own self conscience. “If she’s staying here, I should at least know.”

“Lee Hyejin,” Seonghwa said, cursing the weird feeling of familiarity he felt after saying her name. 

“Lee hyejin?” Hongjoong quirked an eyebrow, he’s definitely heard of the name from somewhere, he just couldn’t pinpoint where. “Sounds familiar.”

Seonghwa merely nodded, somewhat glad that Hongjoong didn’t directly question him. “I’ll take responsibility for her.”

Hongjoong liked the sound of that, though it didn't change the fact that he was overlooking one more person. “That means a lot of things hwa, keeping her in line, taking care of her, watching her and protecting her if shit goes down.”

“She isn’t 5.” Seonghwa sighed, “I’m not spoon feeding her.” 

“But she knows.” Hongjoong reminded him, “and she knows she has you wrapped around her finger, people take advantage of that.” 

“I can always shoot her.” Seonghwa said as if it were so simple.

Hongjoong looked him up and down, silently judging the older one. Hongjoong sighed, he wasn’t exactly up for this kind of conversation at 2:30am, “Dramatic much... Aish don't waste the bullets, the suppliers have been shitty to us lately.”

“What I’m saying is you won't have to worry,” Seonghwa said, “you’ll barely notice her.”

Hongjoong looked Seonghwa up and down, “you want her to stay that badly?” 

Seonghwa was taken back by the other’s awkward perspective, “yes? There really isn’t any ulterior motive.”

Hongjoong gave a dawdled nod as he chuckled, “I’m playing with you hwa. Bring her in, I’ll let the others know of our latest addition.”

Seonghwa was about to step out of the office when Hongjoong suddenly spoke up again, “don’t forget about that task I gave you.”

Seonghwa gave a sharp nod, “I'll see to it by the end of the day.”

“Dont fuck up!” Hongjoong noted loud enough for the other to hear, he could imagine the rise he got from it. Deep down he was just joking, after all, Seonghwa never fucks up. 

Hongjoong enjoyed the tease he gave his best friend, more often than not, the former was in tight situations with serious consequences, loosening up was often the last thing he’d find himself doing. 

His smile was short lived when he suddenly felt the vibrations of his phone, and it wasn’t from the bold red one that was sprawled on the desk with the many papers. His face dropped drastically upon realizing that someone was calling the phone hidden deep in his pockets. There was only one person who’d be ringing. 

Mazaki Meiyo.

“Yes?” Hongjoong cautiously spoke up, his eyes darting around the office. He got up and opened the door to check if anyone was giving his conversation a listen. 

“They moved the deal.”

Hongjoong pinched the bridge of his nose, “when?”

“In an hour. You know just as well as me that this isn’t going to end smoothly.”

“Your deals rarely end well.” Hongjoong scoffed bitterly, he pulled the phone away from his ear when the other line went dead. He had to go now if he were to make it in time, he couldn’t afford to be late, not for these kinds of deals. 

Hongjoong pushed off his seat and swiftly buckled his hidden artillery onto his thigh and around his torso, making sure that his best weaponry was in close reach, ready for whatever conflict he was about to get into. Pulling the hood over his masked face, he checked the location Meiyo had sent him. 

The leader eyed the pile of paperwork that was due in a matter of days, he dreaded the inevitable all-nighters we’ll have to pull because of it. 

As Hongjoong left the household in silence, he turned his main phone off completely and stowed it in a hidden compartment. No one was going to find him tonight.

-

Hyejin pov

I stared at the phone screen in dismay, the loan shark has been after my ass for the debt I’ve yet to pay. I've been trying, but even after much struggle I only possess half of what I owe. 

I hated to take that offer from Seonghwa, the money from that deal would have covered my debt and rent from my residence long enough for me to make something out of a scrubby part time job, he just had to ruin me once more.

Then again, what other choice do I have? I leaned back on the wall of the alleyway, I don’t know anyone in this world. I was forgotten years ago, Seonghwa is the last person I’d go with, but he’s also the only one. 

My eyes drifted to the tall buildings around, they blocked the sunlight from ever entering these shabby alleys with large bins and locked deserted gates and doors. I met with the gazes that had been watching me for a while now, in a building a few blocks away yet still in perfect view, two middle aged men who most likely reeked of cigarettes and alcohol admired me from their apartment which could easily come off as an abandoned building left to collect dust and grime.

I squinted my eyes as I felt my vision start to give into fatigue, unrealistic hues of blue and neons started bouncing around. Every now and then, the migraine in my head would dust my eyes with a cloud of grey that blurred my sight ever so slightly. I sighed as I began seeing four instead of two weird men. I tried to refrain from focusing on anything, the lack of good sleep and food had me feeling all sorts of murky effects. 

Their stalkerish behaviour had been creeping me out for the past few days, despite it, I never saw a proper reason to leave the little spot I've claimed for rest. Plus, the odd duo hadn’t made any advances that had worried me thus far. 

The day continued, and the city had been busy as usual. Bikes raced down the side of the roads and paths, scaring the uptight mothers into a slur of curses. Teenage girls carelessly skipped around in their tiny croptops, powdery make up and flaunty shoes with boys their parents have no idea existed. Cars drove with their temperamental owners honking and anything and everything, then there were the workers who were either strolling around after their shifts or sprinting in swerves around people in effort to not be late.

Yet here I was sitting in a slump not so far from the hoards of people, absorbing the natural noises of the city that started to sound more like blaring megaphones instead of white noise. 9pm had crept faster than I expected, truthfully I wasn’t sure whether or not to go through with Seonghwa’s offer. I still had a chance to reconsider, perhaps I could deal with the information for money? After all, a controversial topic surrounding Seonghwa would no doubt bring in a big sum. 

I shook my head from the ludicrous thoughts, there was no guarantee in shady business, ever. It's a far-fetched plan, and the fact that I didn't have a name to my face meant I was that less convincing. 

Though I knew this offer would mean gambling my safety and if I were to stretch the possibilities, my own life. I still wasn’t 100% on board with the whole moving in with Seonghwa and whatever team he’s apart off, neither could I fathom the thought of that sinful man working with people, and that’s without mentioning his sudden change in attitude towards his victims.

It was yet another reason why I’m so reluctant to associate with him, because this isn’t the Seonghwa I was familiar with, he was a stranger, and no one is at ease when they’re affiliated with someone they don't know, especially when that person had guns, knives and all sorts of deadly possessions in their grasp. 

I groaned as I got up with a hazy mind. I looked up and to my suprise the stretchy men were back to watch me, it started to feel uncomfortable now. “Nice knowing you too I guess…” I keep my voice to a murmur. Soon I found myself heading to the meeting spot. 

My heart feels enraged with regret, and it’s impossible to ignore. There was a mere few minutes till the clock struck 9, I can get out of here now or never. 

The Central Train Station was quite grand. With multiple steps just to get to the entrance, neatly trimmed gardens surrounding the place and ancient pillars that held up the building. It was one of the older buildings that turned into a modern utility. 

“Fuck...” I muttered under my breath, “no, fuck this.”

Before I could think I was already speed walking to get the hell out of here. I had pride, I could at least preserve that after losing everything else. 

-

No pov

Blood coated the blade and splattered across the floor and walls of the office, the books on the shelf were drenched and soaking up every bit of red fluid. If only the man had just followed through with the deal, he wouldn’t have ended up dead. 

“What a hassle.” Seonghwa sighed, as he wiped his blade clean on his way out, though it was satisfying seeing the horrors painted on his face as Seonghwa taunted him, revenge for the knife he flung at Hongjoong during their last deal not long ago. 

Seonghwa analysed the slash along his shoulder area, it wasn’t serious at all but it sure did look ugly and soaked his dress shirt in a dark red, in the midst of the tension it felt numb but as his heart rate came down he could slowly feel the stinging pain emitting from the open flesh. He let out a relieved sigh after knowing that none of his own blood had ended up dripping anywhere. 

If it weren’t for the man’s sleeping family in the other room, Seonghwa could have easily finished it off with a bullet but he had to move silently. In turn, it cost him when the man felt fit to fight back with his own blade.

Seonghwa felt Hyejin was partly accountable for his injury. 20 minutes was a bit of a rush for a mission like this, but he had no choice if he was going to make it to the station in time. There was a chance that Hyejin wouldn’t even show up, and that chance made seonghwa unsteady and tense. 

As he pulled up to a red light he felt a distant memory unfold, one that brought a sense of discomfort.

Laughter bubbled up in the front of the car, toothy smiles that twinkled despite the gloomy rain outside. The lull of the music had been turned down for a while now as the soft chatter continued. 

“Hyejin, I told you I don’t need anything for my birthday.” Seonghwa insisted once more with a light chuckle, his one hand on the wheel while the other tried to hold her hand back. He watched in helplessness as she clipped the dangling toothless charm around the rear mirror of the car, her little laugh escaping her lips as it dangled between them.

“It’s cute! I’m telling you, you look just like him.” Hyejin insisted, “and that’s not even the best part.”

Seonghwa couldn't help but smile when the toothless unclipped in half to reveal a small photo framed inside, the details were minuscule but clearly contained the two of them on one of their more memorable dates. 

“Ya, this looks expensive, how much did you spend on me.” Seonghwa diverted the conversation as he observed the matte black of the green eyed dragon. 

“It wasn’t much, don't worry hwa.” Hyejin patted his hand, “I’ve got something else, it's more personal since I made it myself.” 

“So you have something else now?” Seonghwa sighed, though his stupid grin betrayed the annoyed look he tried to show.

The red light cascaded from red to orange to green and before hyejin could whip out the other half of her gift seonghwa sped off, “fine! I’ll accept your gifts, love.”

Seonghwa sneered at the Toothless charm he had yet to take off, if anything it became part of his car’s identity, making it slightly easier to navigate the garage of small black cars, specially on the days when all the vehicles would be together. 

Seonghwa had pulled to a slow stop in front of the station, hiding the charm was his first and foremost priority, Hyejin would most definitely recognize it. 

As he was about to yank the chain off, the corner of his eyes caught a sudden shadow appearing at the window.

Completely forgetting about the charm, Seonghwa halted in his seat, his hand already clasped around the gun latched onto him. It wasn’t until a hesitant Hyejin peered through the window did he relax his grip. On the other hand, Hyejin was feeling anything but relaxed, especially after seeing the bloodbath of a man in the driver's seat.

“So you’ll take my offer?” Seonghwa asked as if it wasn't already obvious enough, Hyejin scoffed. Her response was seen through the way she snuggled down into the passenger seat in a strained sigh of relief after being situated on the hard concrete for days on days.

Throughout the ride Hyejin had kept a careful observation of the roads they had been speeding across, if worse came to worse, she could make a run for it. 

Hyejin silently and subtly glanced around, the car itself hadn’t changed at all, not even the peppermint scent it gave off from the gum Seonghwa had been loyal to for most of his life, though it was currently heavily overpowered by the stench of blood. Hyejin didn’t want to know how and what got him that gruesome injury.

However, the most prominent and unusual feature that had still existed in the car was the all too familiar charm that dangled and swung around underneath the rearview mirror. The dragon's bright green eyes and toothy smile didn't go unnoticed, especially since Hyejin was the one who got it for him years ago. 

Hyejin had the decency to stay silent about it, the stiffness of the air was already far too overbearing, there was no need to intensify it’s sour atmosphere.

“It’s not just me who lives here.” Seonghwa brings up, 

“I figured.” Hyejin sighed, she had heard the many rumours over the years of how a certain group had been overturning the criminal world with unrivaled skill and accomplishments, they became big in the industry. This group of young, skilled men made a name for themselves and it became one feared by many, ATEEZ. 

Though it wasn’t just their skill that had made them the talk of many circles, it was the people within the group, the majority of which already had a reputation high on their shoulders. Hyejin had heard of the promising sniper who had joined their ranks, the insanely witty dealer who knew how to smooth talk his way to riches, the stealthy man who snuck into and claimed dangerous possessions without a single sound. 

Then there was the hitman who possessed the skill of 100 men, he was a young and promising lone wolf who had been rumoured to have joined ATEEZ.

Hyejin didn’t want to believe it was Seonghwa, in fact she didn't want to hear about anything related to Seonghwa, but it wasn’t possible when she was involved with loan sharks and illegal exchanges for the money she was in dire need for. Of course, because of her interactions with others, Hyejin was aware of Seonghwa’s growing skill and relevant changes, it disgusted her to say the least, how much better he had gotten at taking lives.

However the failed deal from last week confirmed her denial to be wrong, Seonghwa was well and truly closely associated with a group, and that group was no doubt ATEEZ.

“Dont try anything stupid.” Seonghwa warned, Hyejin rolled her eyes slightly, “I’m serious, I see the way you're memorizing these roads.”

Hyejin froze momentarily, she eyed Seonghwa who had removed his eyes from the road after stopping at a red light. Hyejin had forgotten how sharp he actually was, the intellectual from highschool still existed within him.

Hyejin got the chance to really see how much Seonghwa had changed, even underneath all of that stained blood and light smears of dirt, she could easily tell that his facial features had sharpened immensely, he wasn’t the same soft faced charmer that made highschool hearts throbs on a daily. If anything, Seonghwa now resembled a high class heartbreaker with a body count worthy enough for a world record. 

Of course some things don't ever change, like his lush lip and stunning eyes that stared back at her. Before the awkwardness could settle, Hyejin looked away, subconsciously glancing at the toothless charm. Seonghwa noticed the glare she gave it, his hands went to take it off but was ultimately stopped by the swat Hyejin gave.

“What’s the point of taking it off now? You had years to do that.” Hyejin raised an eyebrow. 

Seonghwa did not respond and merely sighed as he began moving on the road once again. Hyejin was taken back when they suddenly verged off into a bush area, what was a simple scenery of grass turned into a splatter of greenery. Trees towered high, vines and dense bushes had taken over, it was an untouched forest and they were driving right through it.

Hyejins eyes squinted in growing concern, she wanted to believe they were just passing through to get to another town, but her panic only continued to rise as they got deeper into the maze of nature. Her eyes glare at Seonghwa who seemed to have already expected her to build up doubts.

“Jump out and you’ll be as good as dead.” Seonghwa warned, as he quickly glanced at her stray hand reluctantly reaching for the handle.

“Where are we going Seonghwa….” Hyejin glowered at the driver who was rather unfazed. Even when the subtle sound of a knife being drawn was heard, Seonghwa didn't look away from the road.

The driver pushed his head back against the seat as soon as he caught sight of the fast approaching knife. With the blade a finger's length away, Seonghwa sighed, “I’m not gonna hurt. We’re going to the house, so put the knife down and have a little faith.” 

“Who the hell lives in a goddam forest?!” Hyejin hissed in a raised voice, her eyes teared up from staring so intensely into his side profile. 

“Put the knife down or we’ll both die.” Seonghwa lowered his voice, and Hyejin did not comply. The male halted the car to connect his eyes to hers, in one swift and unnoticeable movement, he grasped her wrist tightly, causing the knife to be let loose and drop to the pit of the car. Hyejin suddenly let a sharp exhale out as Seonghwa pinned her hand down in between them. She cursed her hazy headaches for causing the drastic disadvantage against Seonghwa.

“Stop panicking, we’re almost there.” Seonghwa said as he began driving once again, Hyejin didn’t attempt to squirm out of his hold.

“Your a fucking joke,” Hyejin hissed, “I’ll never put faith in you, not after all the shit you’ve done to me.” 

Soenghwa pinched his lips together at the indirect upbringing of her family’s murder. He wasn’t about to smooth that mess out now, it’ll require a calmer Hyejin and a better situation to explain. 

Hyejin tried to compose herself, but she knew the only way to soothe her panic was to see proof of what Seonghwa was saying.

As they pulled into the driveway of Horizon, Hyejin's tense shoulders melted into the seat. Seonghwa scoffed as he got out of the car first. The jerking of his head signalled for her to get out, hyejin sneered at the man, “give me a damn second will you?”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes before heading inside momentarily, most likely to check if anyone was still up in the early stages of the night. Hyejin took the time alone to get a good grasp at what she had just gotten herself into.

A house, full of dangerous men, in the middle of a forest and a single long ass road back to civilization. 

This wasn’t ideal at all, and Hyejin started to regret this more than ever.

As she took in short breaths her eyes trailed back to the rear mirror charm. All of a sudden, curiosity had her fiddling with the Toothless till it unlatched. She furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of the blank frame. It wasn’t that she was disappointed, it was merely confusion.

“But you keep the charm…” Hyejin glared at the Toothless that was once a gift of love. In the back of her mind she wondered if her other gift was still intact.

Hyejin could worry about that later. Right now, she needed to stay sane and alive, she knew well enough that she would never be guaranteed a way out of death's grasps. Relish in the house and slowly pay off her existing debt? Yes. Get comfortable and trust that your back will be safe in a distant place full of criminals? Hell no.

[mochikeiji]

Sunshine

↠ Pairing: Bokuto Koutarou x Akaashi Keiji

↠ Warning: TimeSkip AU! Slight angst, fluff! Weathering with You AU

↬ Word Count: 1,851

↣ a/n: I just love Weathering with You. The prompt fits so perfectly I just had too ヽ( ´¬`)ノ even hearing the ost in my head while writing this.

Summary: Akaashi has lived his life raising the sun as he prays. But that came to a stop when Bokuto finds out the consequences. Afraid to lose him, afraid of him to disappear without having to feel what happiness is, he wants him to live his life to the fullest.

⇢ Day 8: Weather/Rain, Magic @bokuakaweek2020

✎﹏

Not many have fallen inlove with the gloomy skies that cried heavy down pours of rain. Not many appreciated the satisfying sight of the droplets patter from their window or hydrate the plants. People would see the rain as some sort of hindrance due to the natural disasters it has caused. Those such as flooding, cancelations of plans or the weird feeling of getting sad from it.

Japan at this year has been experiencing all of these emotions. The rain poured everyday endlessly. In some parts it has, but after a few minutes of hours it'll pour once more. The children were stuck inside their homes, whining sometimes for not being allowed to go out and play as they used to. Adults are always getting irritated when travelling to work. Not a day is completed without having one part of their body soaked from the rain when coming back home.

When has it been the last time they've experienced the warm sun and bright blue skies? When was the last time they have woken up to hear the birds chirping rathet than another round of padding droplets on their windows and rooftops?

If they'd predicted the weather to be in bad shape, people would've appreciated waking up a little early to show some love for the shining sun rather than wishing it hadn't risen.

For Bokuto, he didn't care about any of these calamities. He didn't pay attention to the murmurs and curses about the weather from the people he had passed by the streets, nor the fact that he sometimes gets soaked from the rain or even having his usual volleyball practice get cancelled.

All he cared about with all his heart was the man who had been destined to be his lover.

Also the man who was in full control of controlling the all powerful, bright sun and stopping the rain as he pleases whenever he would pray.

His sunshine boy.

"Keiji, I told you to stop looking over the request anymore."

Snapping his gaze away from the phone screen, Bokuto had snatched it away and places it on top of the coffee table. Taking a seat next to Akaashi and took a sip of the warm hot chocolate he had made for both of them.

"But they were getting mad for not granting their request, Kou.."

Bokuto sees the way his eyes looked down sadly behind his lens. His lips quivering as if he was afraid of something. Guilty of something.

He had no rights to be feeling guilty though. It wasn't his power to control the rain. It wasn't his fault Japan was in this situation for many years. He never asked to be the one speck of hope to bring back the sun even though it meant for a few hours.

It wasn't his or Bokuto's fault they wanted to be selfish.

Akaashi's gift had a risky price to pay. Due to people now knowing his gift, he was often called for so many request to bring the sun out. His request per day would reach 10-20. It was tiring, but this was the only job he had to provide himself. But sadly, to over working himself to the bone, his body began to get transparent. He had been so caught up with his job as the Sunshine Boy he had forgotten he was cursed to disappear to an unknown place if he overused his gift.

And Bokuto didn't want to lose him.

The day Akaashi had revealed his upper body to him, Bokuto's heart shattered. He was the one who had given him the idea of being in this position in the first place. He shouldered the blame on him, for almost unknowingly letting his lover slowly drift away and disappear from him.

But not anymore.

He begged Akaashi to never do it again. Never overuse his power. Allow himself to take a break and just find another job or let him handle all the finance since he was a successful player. But Akaashi didn't like depending all his life on someone, he wanted to be useful. Worthy. Even though Bokuto woukd remind him all the time that he has been more than enough to him, the people from their abandoned website would always call him out and spread hate for his sudden disappearance.

It was a good thing no one knew of his identity. Otherwise he would be hunt down and they'd have to move to places as if they were criminals.

"Keiji," placing his mug down at the table, he moves to his side closer to Akaashi, taking his hand away from his lap and holding it, "Would you be sad if I was the only person who loves you?"

Akaashi never had anyone that loved him so much other than his late mother. Like him, she was born with this gift. His father though, had left the both of them when he knew about their gifts. Angry of why they didn't do something of Japan's situation and cursing his mother for being a selfish woman, leaving her to fulfill her duty until her dying breath and disappearing without a sense of peace.

His words and the people's demands had gone through his head and haunted him. He believed that this was why he was born different. Why he was born with this so called, "gift". He was born to serve other's and grant their request to summon the sun. Nothing more, nothing less. Fulfill his duty to the bitter end.

And Bokuto had proved him othwise.

"From now on, live for yourself, Keiji. You can't give everyone what they want and not leave something for you."

Those were the words he remembered the day he had shown his transparent torso. The words that had made his eyes shed tears and his whole world change.

"I am beyond already happy and blessed to have you as my lover, Kou. And you loving me makes me question why I deserve someone like you," he places his palm on his cheek, stroking it lovingly as he stares back into his golden eyes, "Of course I am happy that the person I love so much loves me as well. Even if he is the only one."

"Then this," glancing at the phine from the table with Akaashi's eyes following his. Returning back to their locked gaze, "They don't matter. Nothing matters but that, Keiji."

His eyes spoke a lot about his deep sadness and guilt. Bokuto pushes his hand away gently and pulls him onto his chest, letting Akaashi sit in between his legs and place his chin on his shoulder.

"Keiji, I don't want to wake up one day and see you gone from my sight."

Listening intensely as he feels his hair being weaved by his fingers, he allows his body to relax on Bokuto's hold and let's him continue.

"Not because you can make the sun appear. I don't care about those, I only care about you. I don't want you to disappear just to have your entire life serving people for their wants and not living yours."

Suddenly, his shoulder began to form a wet patch from the owl haired male, "I don't want to wake up alone again, Keiji..I don't want to lose the only person I've ever loved and didn't have enough time with him."

Like Akaashi, Bokuto had struggled with his own past. Always getting left behind for pursuing too much ambition. His parents not being able to provide him with the love and support he has envied from so many people. He had sought out on his own trying to find a reason for his living. Why he manages to maintain being a famous volleyball player even though he had no one tovbe proud of not only his talent, but his entire being.

Bokuto's body trembles and Akaashi started to feel himself get emotional and squeezed his arms around his torso. Bokuto sniffles a little before pushing himself off of his shoulder to look him in the eye once more.

"Keiji, to me I believe you are a Sunshine Boy. Not because you can raise the sun, but because you brighten the skies from my gloomy life ever since I've met you."

Eyes widened a little from his words, Bokuto removes his mist filled glasses and leans his forehead to his. Sighing out the emotion that had bubbled up in his chest.

"I believe you had more purpose in life than being like this. Maybe," placing both of his warm palms on Akaashi's cold face, wanting him to open his tear filled eyes.

"Maybe you were meant to live the life your mother wished she had."

A life that didn't pulled him down because of his gift. The life that didn't involve the people's complaints and demands. The life that only his happiness mattered.

"We've made a promise together back then."

Akaashi looks down at his hand, his ring finger occupied with a shining ring that fit perfectly and made his hand look more beautiful than they ever were. The one Bokuto had given the night of his confession.

"That we'd be together forever. That nothing else mattered than for us to find our happiness together."

Akaashi lets his tears fall from his eyes, allowing Bokuto to wipe them away quickly. He gives his lips a lingering kiss. Pouring out the emotions more than the rain outside their apartment.

"The hell with everyone in this world. I want you more than any blue sky. You're the real sun that brightens up my world, Akaashi. I knew what I was getting into the moment I fell inlove with you, there's no way in hell I'm throwing all of this away."

Sobs can be heard from the room, but the strong sense of devotion and love was there. Akaashi lets himself grow vulnerable, murmuring "I love you's" and "Thank you's", squeezing Bokuto as if his life depended on it. Afraid of what his mind could've done if Bokuto hadn't said those words to him immediately.

They both know that this weather wouldn't stop. But they also knew that the people's complaints about everything would never stop.

The hell with everything, they thought.

If being selfish meant letting an innocent life as Akaashi live longer and having the weather stay as it is, then so be it. Nothing is more precious than another ones life.

Nothing mattered to the two lovers as long as they had each other.

The weather can stay crazy, but that's how the entire world is, right?

You needed one thing that is sane in all this madness.

And to Bokuto?

That was Akaashi.

"Koutarou."

"Hm?"

Pushing himself off of his chest, Akaashi wipes his nose with his sleeve before speaking, "Don't you want to see the sun?" his words lacing with worry with his mind racing with thoughts.

Bokuto only smiles at him. Knowing already what he was going to answer, pinching his cheek in the process and grinning,

"I already am seeing the sun, Keiji. And its worth keeping bright more than anything."

[netunleashed-blog]

TV funnyman Jono Coleman: 'I've won my secret battle with prostate cancer'

http://www.internetunleashed.co.uk/?p=16991 TV funnyman Jono Coleman: 'I've won my secret battle with prostate cancer' - http://www.internetunleashed.co.uk/?p=16991 Jono Coleman has secretly been battling prostate cancer. Unknown to everyone except close family and friends, the English-born Australian DJ and TV presenter was diagnosed a year ago in Sydney, where he stars on morning TV show Studio Ten, and hosts a nightly radio show on 2UE. The long-time host of shows here on Virgin Radio, Heart FM and LBC, he won ITV’s Celebrity Fit Club in 2005 before returning with wife Margot and their two children. The upbeat funnyman has ­continued to work throughout his gruelling chemotherapy and radiation treatment, and has only gone public now that it is at an end, and he is in the clear. He is campaigning to raise awareness, and encourages every man over 50 to be tested. Jono lost 35lb on Celebrity Fit Club in 2005 Read More I’m a glass half-full kind of guy, but that day in June last year when I was diagnosed, for a split second a chill went through my body and, it’s a cliché, but my life flashed before my eyes. I was supposed to be going to farewell drinks for a colleague, but instead I was lying on the exam table of Professor Phillip Stricker of St Vincent’s Hospital in Sydney with his finger up my bottom. ‘This is a different way to spend a Friday afternoon!’ I thought. And he just said, straight out, ‘Your prostate is enlarged, there’s a hard lump on the side, and I’d say you’ve got cancer.’ I thought, ‘Jesus, what’s happening?’ I was there on my own: my wife Margot, who produces commercials, was about to fly off to film an ad for Toyota, and it’s not the sort of news you break on the phone. I had a radio show to do that evening. I was stunned. Jono with Anthea Turner in 1998 Jono's wife Margot has supported him I’d ended up in his office because ever since Celebrity Fit Club I’ve had a blood test every six months to check cholesterol and so on. They made me get my act together because my dad had died of a heart attack at 62 – the age I am now – and his mother had died young. They put me on statins and said, ‘If you want to see your children grow up you have to change your lifestyle.’ Doing the breakfast shows and having big boozy lunches writing restaurant reviews was a dangerous combination, and at one point I weighed 22 stone. I lost 35lb on the show, earned £25,000 for charity, and went to Weight Watchers. My health was fine, but the blood test last June showed that my PSA reading, which should be under one, was seven. I was in Stricker’s office within two hours. Jono with his old friend Nina Myskow My shock quickly turned into practical mode: What do we have to do to beat this? He is a world leader in prostate cancer and he organised a biopsy, a bone scan and a PET scan – by the time I left his office, a full campaign was in place. I broke the news to Margot at home. She was fantastic. We’re natural fighters and took it as the next challenge in life. Then I went and did my radio show as usual. I was back to Jono Coleman chatty mode. Jono wears ice cap to prevent hair loss during treatment Read More It was a bit tough to find out from the scans that the cancer had jumped out into the bone and the lymph system, which meant that it was quite aggressive and dangerous. But I got stuck straight into treatment. I had, and still have, despite being totally clear now, monthly injections of hormones into the stomach, which basically starves the cancer of what it likes. We decided not to have the prostate removed - unlike Stephen Fry, a fellow sufferer, who sent me a lovely message. I started chemo, three months of it, once a month on a Friday. It meant that I had the weekend to recover before I was back in the TV studio on Monday morning. I told my TV and radio bosses, and they were amazing and told me to take as much time off as I wanted, but I needed for life to go on as normally as possible. I didn’t want the cancer to define me. The show must go on. Which is why I was the first guy to use the ice cap, so I wouldn’t lose my hair. It wasn’t vanity, I just didn’t want viewers to wonder what was wrong with me. The ice cap is like a big shower cap into which freezing cold water is pumped. You get brain freeze only 20 times worse. You know if you drink a frozen margarita too fast? Frankly I’d rather have had the margarita! And you end up with icicles in your hair after a couple of hours. But I kept my hair, although the rest of my body hair drifted down the shower. And the chemo cleaned out the cancer that had spread, which left only the cancer on the prostate, which was zapped with seven weeks of daily radiation. You feel a bit jet-lagged from that. Margot has been a rock, and we’re in this together. She has taken control of another important aspect and put us on the Mediterranean diet. Jono says his wife Margot has been his rock The thinking here is that prostate cancer, like breast cancer, thrives on sugar and fat and alcohol, so there are no more big steaks on the barbie! We’ve cut out red meat, sausages, processed meat, and it’s fish or chicken and loads of veggies. Exercise is key. I have always felt positive and upbeat, and I think that has helped. The fact that I’ve managed to keep working has meant that for me life has gone on as before. Too many people hear the word cancer and think, ‘Oh my God, a death sentence!’ But I haven’t allowed myself to be negative. You need to take it seriously but not freak out. I’m very lucky. Prostate, like breast cancer, is the most funded, and is treatable, as I have proved. There are so many advances and incredible drugs. I used to be like most men about going to the doctor. Now I say, just take the tests. And don’t forget to count your blessings and make the most of each day. Source link