#and ive been thinking of getting a tat but again it just feels disingenuous
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#can i just say that i hate that all the posts about jonghyun are about his death#like i kinda grew away from shinee#and i was a super casual fan#and it feels almost inauthentic to be sad#like it feel just wrong to be sad#which is why i didnt really talk about it personally#and just reblogged stuff#and ive been thinking of getting a tat but again it just feels disingenuous#idk i probs will anyway bc it really is for me#but at the same time i feel like guilty for being a bigger fan of other groups#and for like not appreciating them and him enough idk if this even makes sense#or if any of u are reading this#but yeah idk i had and still have love for him but my sadness still feels weird bc that love wasnt what it always was?#the news still hit me really hard? and im still like dealing#which ik that sounds extra bc i didnt know him but i knew him through his art and at one point he was extremely important to me#and that importance didnt leave though it did wane? kinda?#and so im still dealing and listening to his music and watching like funny moments and things and that helps#bc he really was so good#and so to sum this mess up i miss him but im not sure im allowed to#bc when he was here i didnt appreciate him?#this doesn't make sense#even to me so if ur still reading ur a real one sorry this is a mess i just wanted to vocalize this#also bc hes a celebrity i think everyone expects me to be done now#like cool u were sad move on but im not there yet and idk when i will be#jonghyun#i want this in that tag for like future reference#also the first sentence of this should say all the posts on my blog like that ive reblogged
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