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languagestudymaterials · 7 months ago

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Conditional sentences in Japanese

Unfortunately, conditional sentences are a complicated piece of grammar in Japanese. I collected some examples of conditional sentences used in anime to help me and you understand the logic behind them. Conditional sentences are really contextual and analyzing examples with clear context should be helpful.

Omoi on his way to Konoha with Karui and Samui

その子たちが俺にむちゃくちゃ告白してきたらいったいどうしようかと思ってさ。

I was wondering what I would do if all the girls confessed their feelings to me.

子 (こ) = child or young woman; young geisha [たち pluralizing suffix ]

むちゃくちゃ = very; extremely; excessively [adverb]

告白 (こくはく) = confession of love; professing one's feelings [suru verb; here in its ～てくる form which can be translated as: 'their love confessions will come my way/my direction.'

～たら = conditional sentence marker

いったい = what in the world; what the hell; etc.

どうしようか = indirect question (more here) (introduced by いったい = what… ) [どう= how; しよう = する in its “let’s” or “will” form]

と思ってさ = in this context, we could translate it as 'I wonder…' さ could be translated as 'It’s like I wonder what I will do when…' (filler word). Also, 思って is 思っている but anime way/rough guy way.

Before we dive in

A brief overview of English conditional sentences.

Notice that in English (at least in the ESL setting) we tend to discuss conditionals from the 'when the thing will happen or happened' perspective. Students need to distinguish between actions that are possible to happen in the future, that have already happened, or that might never happen.

0 conditional

Used to express general truths; actions that are outside of your control; actions that happen always because that’s the way they are; e.g. If Madara shows up; it means shit gets real <- that’s always the case.

I conditional

Refers to future actions; something is almost 100% possible to happen in the distant or near future; e.g. If you insult the Second Mizukage once again; he will start fighting us for real! (I hope you remember this ep! It was hilarious!)

II conditional

Unreal present situations; something that isn’t possible to happen at the moment of speaking; we’re imagining an alternative present situation; e.g. If we knew who the person controlling Edo Tensei was, I would be able to come up with a more accurate plan.

III conditional

Unreal past situations, something happened in the past, and you sort of regret it, and now you’re imagining an alternative past situation; e.g. (context: Obito about Kakashi referring to times when they were kids and Kakashi’s dad committed suicide) If I had noticed that void in your heart back then, we would have become friends sooner.

You can combine conditional sentences too! For example, II + III; III + II; etc.

In Japanese, instead of wondering: 'Is it a future event?', you have to wonder if the thing you are talking about: is contextual, the result is more important than the condition, the actions fall into the 'regulations or recipes' category, etc. The Japanese look at conditional sentences from a different perspective.

Japanese conditional sentences

～たら

Stefan Kaiser writes (p. 575) that ～たら is used when:

'when..., then...' = 'when' sentence is a matter of certainty, 'then' sentence will happen because 'when' sentence is inevitable.

For example:

When I finish this report, I will go home. When I grow up, I want to be a doctor.

I will eventually finish the report and go home, and I will grow up whether I like it or not.

it has a similar meaning to ～ば , but it is more colloquial. If the action of the 'if/when' sentence is carried out, then the action of sentence 2 will happen or apply. It is used in contexts such as regulations, recipes (not only in cooking), rules, etc.

If you show this to our boss, he won't give you the promotion.

While the example sentence is not a written rule, you can expect that showing, let's say, a hideous presentation to your boss means no promotion.

in this context, 'when' means 'at the time that'; 'during the time that'; 'in the process of'. It doesn't have any conditional connotations in English, hence the urge to use ときに in Japanese. Kaiser explains that in such contexts where the speaker has no control over the action, it's a pure realization on the speaker's side, we use ～たら.

I didn't want to talk to him when he told me what he did. When I talked to my boss, he warned me that I'd be fired because of my poor performance.

hypothetical/unrealized conditions in Japanese are often expressed through ～たら and past tense (even the past continuous endingていた ) + ～でしょう・はず or any other modal ending.

In my Japanese class, I made the following list:

Future events; e.g. When I get home, I will eat some cookies.

Hopes for the future; e.g. When I graduate, I will find a good job, for sure.

Emergency; e.g. In case of fire/ If there is fire, call 911; When the earthquake strikes, I protect my children first.

Advice; e.g. If you drink, don’t drive.

Weak suggestions; used when you don’t want to sound too direct. It’s often used as a question.

Unlikely dreams/situations (present and past); e.g. If I won the lottery, I’d give half of the money to you (here you can add もし at the beginning to strengthen the 'unlikely' meaning)

Surprise; e.g. When I was about to scold the intern, the boss came in, and I got scolded instead! (the clause after ～たら is usually in past tense)

Discovery; e.g. When I looked into the closet, (I discovered) my shoes were gone! (the clause after ～たら is usually in past tense)

Taking all that into consideration, we can assume that Omoi used ～たら to express an unlikely/possible situation. Omoi likes to be dramatic and worries about everything. His dramas and worries are HIGHLY UNLIKELY to happen.

～ば

This can be replaced by ～たら quite often; however, the difference is that ～たら implies habitual actions, for example:

If (when) they misbehave, they are scolded.

Parents established such a rule and they follow it; it's unlikely they will change their approach.

～ば, on the other hand, refers to singular actions, temporary actions, things that are rules, but only for the time being, for example:

If it's not expensive, it's not fashionable.

Trends are constantly changing; we don't control them; for now, this is the rule: expensive = fashionable. In 10 years, cheap things might be trendy.

If the actions are habitual, both are correct; but when the context suggests the action is a 'temporary habit/rule', only ～ば is correct.

In PerePera Japanese, I found the following use:

～ば suggests that your sentence has a hidden meaning and you want to emphasize it. No innuendos or anything of that sort. If you don’t want to sound too direct, use ～ば.

If only you were a better player, then I’d definitely let you play. (Hidden meaning/reality: you suck)

If you practiced a little more, you’d win that race. (Hidden meaning/reality: you suck)

Strong suggestions; (it will make you sound pushy, and you might hear it from your senpai or boss, etc.; stronger than ～たら)

Past habits; e.g. When I was a kid; I used to eat lots of sweets.

Proverbs usually use ～ば.

Shigaraki in season 1 of My Hero Academia said:

子供を殺せば来るのかな？

Shigaraki is talking about a hypothetical situation. Since both ～たら and ～ば can be used in such a case, what's the difference, then?

～ば focuses on the condition (the if clause)

～たら focuses on the result

～ば vs. ～たら

Japanese Pod 101 gives the following examples:

今すぐ行けば、間に合うだろう。今すぐ行ったら、間に合うだろう。

Both sentences mean: 'If you go right now, you will make it on time.' As Clause B can only happen if Clause A occurs, ～たら is alright. However, if the focus of your sentence is on the condition (if you go right now), then it would be more natural to use ～ば.Note: There are cases where you can use only ～たら. If Clause B is:

an order

a recommendation

a request

a prohibition

a wish

or volition

only ～たら can be used. For example:

日本に行ったら、京都を訪ねてください。 When you go to Japan, please visit Kyoto.

Here, the speaker is making a request. Therefore, only ～たら can be used.

Shigaraki is talking about the hypothetical situation and he's drawing our attention to the if-clause: If we kill some kids. Considering the context and his motifs, then using ～ば to emphasize murder, well, it makes sense.

In some grammar books, I read that ～ば emphasizes the condition as essential; we need this, and without it, nothing will happen.

Without killing the kids, All Might won't come = killing kids is essential.

～たら, on the other hand, focuses on the result; All Might will come = I care more about All Might showing up than the things I need to do to make him show up.

Another example, this time from Naruto.

Context: Kakashi to Naruto. Naruto wanted to discuss Sasuke’s case with the new Hokage, Danzou. Kakashi warned him it was not a good idea.

へたをすれば牢に込まれることになる

へたをすれば = Kakashi is talking about a hypothetical situation (～たら would be possible as well); however, he (I believe) wants to emphasize the if-clause. Naruto is very reckless, we all know that. He is capable of making wrong moves. We could also apply one of the explanations from PeraPera Japanese: hidden meaning.

One more example from Demon Slayer.

戦っていれば勝っていた

In this context, we can also assume that Muzan uses ～ば to emphasize the if-clause. In English (at least in this translation), there's 'had he fought' (inverted conditional form), which also nicely emphasizes the if-clause. Apart from that, Muzan talks about a hypothetical situation and states that Gyutaro fighting alone was essential to winning the fight.

A thing I observed: In the 'must' form しなければいけません, there's also ば. Textbooks explain this cluster as follows: If X doesn't happen, then Y won't be (or something along those lines). We could follow that logic and paraphrase the example sentences: Shigaraki: I MUST kill the kids. Then, he will come. Kakashi: You MUST make correct/good moves. Then, you won't end up in jail. Muzan: Gyuutaro HAD TO/MUST fight alone. Then, he would have won. If you can come up with a sentence that uses 'must', then using ～ば should also be correct.

～なら

This one is tricky. You’ll see it used in sentences that do not correspond to English conditional sentences; no ‘if’ clause. However, the ‘if’ clause may be implied.

It is used to respond to what your speaker said = taking up what someone else has said. ～なら is very contextual. If you walk into a room full of people and say: If I win a lottery, I will go to Japan, just like that, randomly, and translate it using ～なら as your conditional sentence marker, you'd make a mistake. Context, apart from words, can be shown with actions, for example, when you see a person who is about to leave; then you could say a sentence with ～なら.

To give some limitations or conditions to your speaker’s choice; e.g.

A: When can we meet again? B: Any time next week is ok!

You can choose the day yourself. 来週ならいつでもいい.

今日なら = only today; I’m limiting your options to today only, tomorrow is out of the question, or any other day.

Emphasizing what comes before; expressing one’s ability or characteristic; showing your trust; e.g.

It’s Madara! (Since it’s Madara,) He can destroy the whole world! マダラなら、世界を潰せる！

Depending on the context, you could also translate it as: You’re Madara, you can destroy the whole world!

Giving suggestions as an answer to your speaker’s question; e.g.

Where can I get good sushi? Good sushi? Well, over there!

I like to think it means: “When it comes to…” in this context.

You’re going to Japan? Then, you should visit Hokkaido! 日本なら北海道に行ったらどう？

I can see you’re struggling with Math, but you’re proud and won’t ask for help.

分からないなら聞いてください If you don’t get it, just ask, ok?

これほど言っても分からないなら、もういい Even after all was said/explained, you still don't get it, forget it (it's fine).

Example from Naruto. Obito is declaring war.

お前たちなら本当は理解しているはずだ

You’re the 5 kage, right? You should already know what the truth is/understand the truth!

お前たちなら = expressing one’s ability or characteristic; 5 kage are aware that the system sucks.

Shee after Obito declared war.

暁が八尾と九尾を狙っているならやつらもまだビーを執拗に追っているはずです

If Akatsuki is targeting the Eight and Nine Tails, they must still be relentlessly pursuing Bee.

狙っているなら = Shee is responding to the context here. Someone said something about Akatsuki and Bee before and now Shee made that conclusion; it’s not a random statement; they’d been talking about Biju and Akatsuki for a while.

狙う (ねらう) = to be after (something); to have an eye on; to aim at

執拗 (しつよう) = relentlessly [na adj; here as an adverb]

追う (おう) = to chase; to run after; to pursue; to follow after

八尾と九尾 (はちびときゅうび) = Eight and Nine Tails

～と

Unfortunately, I have no examples for this one. I'll just leave you with a short overview.

Something always or certainly occurs (0 conditional); e.g. If it gets hot, the snow melts down. If you turn right, there’s a bank (The bank has always been there); When I’m stressed, I eat;

Narration; when you describe facts chronologically; e.g. When I came out of the tunnel, I saw the sea! When we came to the party, Mary made us drinks. (You can use とき for this one as well);

You can replace it with ～たら when you explain things to others and you want to show a bit more empathy. As if you were trying to help your listener to understand your explanations.

When there is no 'if' in Japanese, but there's 'if' in English

どうすんだよ。もしあの石が岩に当たって岩が崩れてその崩れた岩が更に大きな岩を崩してすごい岩崩れを起こしその下にあった木ノ葉の里が飲み込まれ壊滅。

In this example, there's no ～ば、～たら、～なら、～と, but the English translation starts with something that falls into 'conditional structures' grammar.

If you're like me, then you probably think of ～ば、～たら、～なら、～と when you see 'if' in English. Well, as you can see, starting your sentence with もし and using ～て to connect the actions is also possible.

Some textbooks state that using もし without conditional markers is incorrect.

Also, note that Omoi in this example first asked: What will we do? And then gave us the if-clause. It's not a typical structure when we start with if-clause.

Apart from that, it's anime, so anything is possible there.

#toc #conditional sentences #japanese with anime #～なら #～たら #～ば #～と #もし

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jozor-johai · 1 year ago

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Why I believe that the Shavepate had troubling plans for Dany's dragons after she left... and why Quentyn's timing was so important.

I was looking at ADWD The Dragontamer, and there’s this one sequence in particular that really stood out to me… and the more I tried to figure out what it was supposed to mean, the more I started to suspect just how important Quentyn’s plan was because of the specific timing that he freed the dragons. I think he didn't just free them, but save them from the Shavepate.

I believe that this entire point can be backed up by the text alone, but I first want to also contextualize it from an authorial perspective, too. The first reason is tautological, if we trust GRRM as an author: we know Quentyn is important to the story because he is in the story. Further, though, we have outside reason to believe that he’s of particular importance to the plot of Meereen because of the so-called “Meereenese Knot,” where all of the POV players in Meereen had to be arranged in a particular fashion in order to achieve the end result that GRRM wanted.

I only draw attention to this because it’s a reminder that Quentyn’s actions are of particular significance. He only gets four chapters, and two of them are either planning to release the dragons or releasing the dragons. It’s kind of his thing. So why did it have to happen that way?

An Almost-Broken Door

I think that this moment where Quentyn arrives at the doors to the dragon’s dungeon offers a key clue:

The size and thickness of those doors was enough to make Quentyn Martell question the wisdom of this course. Even worse, both doors were plainly dinted by something inside trying to get out. The thick iron was cracked and splitting in three places, and the upper corner of the left-hand door looked partly melted.

Quentyn notices that these doors have been heavily damaged by the dragons within. Of course, on an immediate read, this serves to show the readers the new force and strength of the now-older dragons, and to show Quentyn yet another omen as to why his cause is ill-advised. Like he does at so many other moments, Quentyn registers that he should “question the wisdom” of his plan, but carries on regardless.

However, the degree of the damage that this door has taken stands out as particularly significant. The door is not just dented, not only “cracked,” it’s even “splitting” in three places. It’s being melted away from the very frame. This is a door which does not have much longer to hold. Inside, the dragons have broken out of their chains.

With this door, GRRM is showing us that given just a little more time, these dragons might have gotten out on their own. There’s a sense of inevitability to it: even if Quentyn hadn’t freed the dragons that night, they still would have escaped.

As an aside: I do think there’s an element of symbolic significance for Dany here which should not be overlooked. It’s important that Dany’s dragons—and with them, her agency, power, her sense of freedom and self—would have been freed even without intervention from Quentyn. After all, Quentyn really wanted dragons, power, and agency for himself and Dorne, not because he necessarily had Dany’s best interests at heart, so I think it would be symbolically wrong for those desires of his own to be essential to freeing Dany’s dragons. It’s better that, like Dany’s eventual escape from her “floppy ears,” it was inevitable that her dragons would escape, too. But that’s not exactly what I’m here to talk about. What I’m interested in here is what that means for the plot and Quentyn’s role in it.

If it were the case that the dragons would have broken out regardless, then what was the point of Quentyn? Even better, what was the point of George showing us that the dragons were just about to break out anyway, even in the moment that Quentyn opens that door for them?

I argue that the description of the *almost-*compromised door is meant to show us that Quentyn freeing the dragons on that night, in that moment, is specifically significant.

However, there’s an interesting wrinkle to this: if the dragons had broken out on their own, they would be flying uncontrolled over the city… which is exactly what happens anyway. Quentyn dies freeing the dragons, the rest of his allies flee, and so the dragons roam free with no masters (yay, no masters!)

From what we can infer from the description of the breaking door, consider this timeline of possibility:

If Quentyn frees the dragons:

Quentyn frees the dragons and they roam free

If Quentyn does not free the dragons:

(time when Quentyn would arrive)

unknown amount of time passes before the dragons break out

Dragons free themselves through the broken door and they roam free

If we understand the broken door to indicate that the dragons would have ended up breaking out on their own anyway, and the result of Quentyn’s actions is practically the same, then there has to be a different significance to this moment than purely the fact that Quentyn frees the dragons.

Based on what the door tells us, I argue that the question is not, “why is it important that Quentyn frees the dragons?” Instead, the question is “why is it important that Quentyn frees the dragons now, before they inevitably free themselves?”

As an aside: this is generally where I assume the “Quentyn-is-alive” theories originate. If you believe that Quentyn is, in fact, alive and riding a dragon, then that answers the question of significance for you. My issue with that theory is that it fills in the answer to this question with pure speculation: that theory supposes that GRRM is withholding key information that will change our understanding of what has happened, and therefore the meaning of Quentyn’s actions.

However, I believe the opposite: I believe GRRM has given us all the information we need to understand why Quentyn’s actions have particular meaning, and it’s given to us in the very next paragraph following the description of the door.

Locust Masks

Picking up the text from right where I left off, Quentyn is given another opportunity to second guess his plan when his code word fails him:

Four Brazen Beasts stood guarding the door. Three held long spears; the fourth, the serjeant, was armed with short sword and dagger. His mask was wrought in the shape of a basilisk's head. The other three were masked as insects. Locusts, Quentyn realized. "Dog," he said. The serjeant stiffened. That was all it took for Quentyn Martell to realize that something had gone awry. "Take them," he croaked, even as the basilisk's hand darted for his shortsword.

Because this chapter immediately follows The Kingbreaker, we know that these locust masks mark these particular Brazen Beasts as part of the Shavepate’s special force of loyalist agents.

Appropriately, then, these were waiting in particular for a different code word, not “dog”... and because we were told the alternate code word in The Kingbreaker, we can only assume they were expecting to hear “Groleo.”

Finally, again because of the events of The Kingbreaker, which ends with the announcement that the dragons have been freed, we also know that this is happening on the very night of Skahaz and Barristan’s coup, and so these locust-masked men are here as a part of that same coup.

Because I believe that something about Quentyn’s actions are significant, I will here rephrase my question of “why is it important that Quentyn frees the dragons now, before they inevitably free themselves?” to a new, more specific question: “why is it important that Quentyn frees the dragons now, the very night of the Shavepate’s coup?”

With that, let us briefly update that theoretical timeline:

If Quentyn frees the dragons:

Shavepate coup begins

Quentyn frees the dragons and they roam free

If Quentyn does not free the dragons:

Shavepate coup begins

(time when Quentyn would arrive)

unknown amount of time passes before the dragons break out

Dragons free themselves through the broken door and they roam free

The fact that the locusts are allies of the Shavepate’s coup is not a revolutionary idea, it’s plainly evident in the text.

But if they are directly involved in that coup plot, what were they doing by the dragon’s door?

"Groleo" and the Missing Shavepate

When Barristan is greeted by locust-masked Brazen Beasts outside of Hizdahr’s door in The Kingbreaker, they allow him through without issue, and even direct him on his way to capture Hizdahr:

"Groleo," Ser Barristan said. "Groleo," the bull returned. "Third hall to the right." The rat unlocked the chain. Ser Barristan and his escort stepped through into a narrow, torchlit servants' corridor of red and black brick. Their footsteps echoed on the floors as they strode past two halls and took the third one to the right.

If, similarly, the Brazen Beasts outside the dragon-dungeon door would only accept “Groleo,” seeing as they did not accept “dog,” the way that the earlier Brazen Beasts did, then the clear assumption to make is that these locusts outside the dragon’s door are also waiting to let someone through. That someone was certainly not Quentyn, and would have known the special Shavepate-only coup code word.

It’s also notable, then, that the Shavepate is almost entirely absent from Barristan’s part of the coup. Instead, he’s off to do his own mission.

We also know that wherever the Shavepate was headed, it’s not where he told Barristan he would be:

"Your Worship," Miklaz said, "the noble Reznak mo Reznak says to t-tell you, come at once." The boy addressed the king as if Ser Barristan were not there, as if there were no dead man sprawled upon the carpet, his life's blood slowly staining the silk red. Skahaz was supposed to take Reznak into custody until we could be certain of his loyalty. Had something gone awry?

Skahaz told Barristan that he was going to take Reznak into custody, but at the time of Quentyn freeing the dragons, Reznak was still free to go about his seneschal duties. Barristan realizes that something doesn’t line up with what he was told, but he doesn’t understand the full significance.

Rather than interpret this situation as one where Barristan is being aided by a force of locust-masked Brazen Beasts to kill the King’s guards and take the King into custody, we might look at this night another way: while Skahaz knew where Barristan would be, that Barristan would be occupied fighting pit-fighters, and that Barristan would be surrounded by the Shavepate’s loyalist forces at all times, the Shavepate was somewhere else, doing some activity that he did not disclose to Barristan.

As it turns out, something had gone awry, but nothing to do with Reznak—because, in all likelihood, the Shavepate was heading to the dragon dungeon, where he had locust-masked coup agents waiting to receive the word “Groleo” and allow him through.

(Of course, we can’t know that the Shavepate himself was headed for the dragon dungeon, but the significance of such a destination would mean it would either have to be him or someone close and trusted enough that the distinction would make little difference, and so I will use “Shavepate” to refer to this agent.)

Final Conclusions

I said before that it’s clear that the door guards for the dragons were part of the Shavepate’s coup, and that this was not a new idea. However, I believe that putting all these pieces together answers my ultimate question:

“If it is not important that Quentyn simply frees the dragons, because they would have broken out eventually, then why is it important that Quentyn frees the dragons now, the very night of the Shavepate’s coup?”

And my answer is:

Because whatever the Skahaz had planned for the dragons during the night of the coup, when he knew Barristan would be occupied and surrounded by Shavepate forces, was going to end in a different result than the inevitable. Whatever the Shavepate had planned, it would not simply be the dragons roaming free over the city... and therein lies the significance of Quentyn’s actions in that particular moment.

So, with this new thought, we add a final update our theoretical timeline:

If Quentyn frees the dragons:

Shavepate coup begins

Quentyn frees the dragons and they roam free

If Quentyn does not free the dragons:

Shavepate coup begins

(time when Quentyn would arrive)

Someone involved with the Shavepate coup, likely Skahaz himself, arrives at the dragon door and is allowed through with code word “Groleo,” not “dog.”

the dragons are not freed

As for what he would have done, I don’t believe we can say with confidence. However, I do feel confident arguing that whatever it was, Dany would not have approved—because why else act when Barristan is not around to intervene? And, as noted above, the free dragons have symbolic significance to Dany. With them, she is free. With Skahaz mo Kandaq’s intervention… I fear their fate would have been more tragic.

#asoiaf meta #jozor thoughts #asoiaf analysis

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oddygaul · 2 years ago

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NieR Replicant

Creative, interesting, and deeply flawed. Comparing it to Automata, (which I’ll be doing a lot, as it’s kind of hard to avoid) it hits some higher highs, but when it stumbles, it really falls.

First off, this game has one of my favorite party dynamics of all time, and it’s backed up by stellar performances from the entire voice cast. Weiss and Kaine’s constant profanity-filled bickering, blanketed by the sweet layer of naivety Emil provides, lends such a bespoke vibe to this game. While the secondary NPCs are packed with tropes, the main party are all so distinct and weird in a way that sets Replicant apart from any other JRPG I’ve played. Also, this game’s genre-bending and perspective shifts fucking rule. From the spooky Resident Evil mansion, to the fully isometric underground lab, to the sections in Forest of Myth where the game turns into a choose-your-own-path text adventure for an hour, trapping you in a nightmarish flooding castle that exists only in the dreams of the dying, Replicant makes Automata’s mere camera angle switches feel quaint by comparison. Rather than flashy setpieces, Replicant feels like it actually experiments with form, and how player expectations shape the mood and tone.

Unfortunately, the rest of the gameplay and design drags the whole experience down. It’s a tough hand to be dealt to have your combat system compared to a Platinum game, no doubt - even if Automata is one of their shallower ones mechanically. Still, even in this improved remake, the combat feels rote by the second hour and never really evolves much beyond that (outside of the interesting Prohibited Actions section in Facade, which, due to the game’s structure, you’ll do once in the first leg of the game and never again). If we’re being honest, the fucked up part is that the combat isn’t even the main gameplay mechanic, by time spent - that dubious honor goes to repeatedly running back and forth across flat plains from location to location. Online, people in the fandom bond over the fact that by ending D, nearly every player will have naturally developed a racing line to get to Popola’s library in the most efficient manner possible, because you have to do it so often. Shit, by ending C I was looking up speedrun movement tech just to get from place to place faster. This is not good. If nearly every player of your story-focused narrative RPG starts essentially speedrunning the game before they’ve even completed it, you have a design problem.

The multiple endings / routes system is the roughest comparison to Automata; seeing how they’re handled in Replicant after playing the sequel, it’s hard to see the original NieR as anything but a rough draft. While Automata only has Route B repeat the same story beats before moving on to original content (and with much more differentiated gameplay than Replicant’s route B at that), Replicant forces you to replay the second half of the game three full times just to get different cutscenes at the end - and then to see Ending E you do a few more hours in a fresh save file. I understand the severe budget and time restrictions that were in place for the making of this game. Still, the sheer amount of times you must repeat the same dull actions to get what is, by all accounts, the real ending to the game does it a real disservice. It’s not just an issue of patience; the simple fact is, each successive ending hits a lot less hard when you’ve spent the last 3 hours skipping past cutscenes to get there instead of experiencing the story. Character moments that were devastating the first time lose their luster after a third viewing, so by the time I saw Ending C, for example, I felt detached and removed from the story and cast rather than immersed and ready for further developments.

Plus, to be honest, the endings beyond B didn’t even feel worth the effort to me. Ending B, similar to Automata’s, is largely about re-contextualizing the story, showing the other point of view, and painting Nier’s actions with a different brush - and it works. This is where the unofficial NieR tagline really hits home: you don’t have to be insane to kill someone, you just have to think you’re right. By the conclusion of ending B, you more or less understand all sides of the narrative, everyone’s motivations have become fully grey, and you’re left with the feeling that there’s no one to root for and no conceivable way that tragedy could have been averted. C & D, on the other hand, are largely focused on resolving Nier and Kaine’s arcs and giving them a happy ending. While route E has portions that are focused on fleshing out the world (and, for once, fresh, exciting new gameplay scenarios which I am livid that you’re unable to return to), its focus is still largely on the resolution of Nier and Kaine’s relationship. I personally wasn’t ever really sold on any sort of romance between the two, so C, D and E all kinda whiffed for me.

I would’ve much preferred additional content to give context to the story and world; for how much depth there is to the lore and worldbuilding of NieR's setting, shockingly little of it is shared in the actual game… if you want to really understand what a gestalt, replicant, or grimoire is, get ready to spend your time in wikis and forums reading transcripts of Japan-only drama CDs. Hell, even Automata tells you more about the backstory of the replicants than Replicant itself does.

Incidentally, having fully played through the game this time, I’m now wholeheartedly in the Brother Nier camp. My first experience of the original NieR was watching a Papa Nier (or as they called him, Dogface Nier) playthrough; at the time, it was hard to imagine a younger character working in the role, as the father-daughter bond seemed to provide such a strong impetus for the lead’s unwavering determination to rescue Yonah. On a replay, it’s clear that the most important themes of the game, especially as they relate to the main character, are radicalization, othering, and dehumanization… and those themes work incomparably better with Brother Nier. I would argue the timeskip and its effects on Nier are the single most important part of the character’s arc; the contrast between the boyish, JRPG-ass, fight for my friends 16-year-old Nier of Part 1 and the unrelenting, bloodlust-filled simmering hatred of Part 2 Nier is striking, and that transition simply doesn’t make sense with Papa Nier.

also Brother Nier has thigh highs, so.

I shouldn’t even need to say the music slaps, but of course it does. Kaine / Salvation has been stuck in my head for two weeks

#will's media thoughts / virtual brain repository #games #nier replicant

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panda-rue · 1 month ago

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Log 24

May 28 - Osaka Day Trip (Umeda Sky, Osaka Castle, Dotonbori, and Ame mura)

Today is the last day of planned class traveling which is kind of bittersweet. We traveled around a couple places in Osaka which I've heard is a pretty big party capital in Japan. We stopped by the Umeda sky building as our first stop. I'm not gonna say that I enjoyed it a bunch becasue I swear we've seen a million skylines but thhis one was particularly interesting because we could see this building that had a bit of the highway going literally through it. Kind of epic but I do wonder if that would be like really loud and annoying to literally anyone in that building. Next, we stopped by Osaka castle for just a quick minute. I wish we could have seen inside but the outside was still pretty interesting to look at and wonder how they managed to build it. Finally, we went by Dotonbori which was packed ! It had a bunch of really cool looking restaurants and shops there. It was really overwhelming but also super cool to run around. Once we were free we immediately ran to find food because we were starving. My friends let me pick and I chose this katsu place where you can essentially cook it yourself. It was actually so good, I'm glad for my food good luck. After that, I went to quickly do some knife shopping since my brother in law is really into knives. Jennifer joined me and we found some cool jewlery and really delicious strawberries on the way. After that, we met up Sammie at the World Expo. If I'm gonna be completely honest, it wasn't really my speed. We waited in super long lines for such a short presentation that most of the time didn't even seem impressive. Some places like Peru had cool institutions but Bulgaria pissed me off real bad since their presentation was entirely AI. I ended up losing my Suica on the way home and was so exhaustd, it was a mess but I definitely survived lol.

Academic Reflection

The reading helped us contextualize and understand the skyline we were looking at in Osaka. Perez discussed how the lifespan of buildings was actually quite short (residential) and would get torn down and rebuilt in about 30 years. This is crazy from an American perspective because we keep properties for so long that they literally become decrepit and abandoned places.

This also helped me understand the reason why there was the building with a road passing through it. Essentially a company wanted to build in a certain area but the government wanted to build their road there. After a lot of back and forth they finally settled on this solution. I think the Land Readjustment requests and development techniques is what gives Osaka its special skyline and charm.

#japan #katsu is fire #another skyline #osaka

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fayesrossua · 3 years ago

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REINER BRAUN: FIRST KISS

Prompt: Reiner Braun X GN!Reader. Reiner wakes up from a bad dream, and goes to get a drink at a bar. He doesn’t really drink, but why not? He’s old enough now. At the bar he’s reunited with a childhood friend. You guys talk, and catch up. And share a beautiful moment together as he’s about to drop you off :)

WC: 2.4K

Warning: not much! Does include Reiner drinking, and mentions of reader having had drinks previously in the evening. Mentions Reiner’s body change/weightloss. First kiss, awkward kissing, Reiner learning how to kiss, French kiss. Fluff and wholesome for the most part

Notes: i had the beginning parts of season 4 in mind when writing this!! It’ll make more sense contextually. ALSO, the idea of introducing Reiner to the little moments in life, specifically with love and romance makes me so soft 😭 I love him

Reiner had another nightmare. He sat up in bed, bringing his knees up and resting his head in his hands. Even when he woke up, Reiner knew deep down that the nightmare was just his life. Ever since he touched back down in Marley, Reiner’s dreams had gotten more violent, and intrusive — he didn’t have much to do in a day while he was trying to relax back home, and that’s exactly what fuelled his troublesome mind. Aside from his meetings with Zeke and the rest of the crew, his days were wide open.

Frustrated and no longer tired, Reiner decided to get up, pulling on a pair of pants and a sweater over his sleep shirt, and he made sure to grab his beige jacket. He was going to visit Liberio’s bar a few minutes from his childhood house. He wasn’t old enough to go when he was a kid, but now he was - he was a fully grown adult with enough trauma to warrant a midnight drink. Reiner made sure to not let the door creak so loudly like it usually does, not wanting to disturb his Mom.

It was brisk outside, and Reiner stuck his hands in his pocket and walked quickly, vaguely remembering where the bar was. He was unsure until he came across the town square, lit with warm lights and an old, chipped away pinstripe paint job on the brick building on the corner. There it was. Reiner walked in, very aware of his thudding footsteps on the old wood floors. There were a few groups of people talking amongst themselves, and Reiner walked straight to the empty bar, taking a seat.

“What can I get you son?” The bartender asked, his back turned to Reiner.

“Something cheap” Reiner tiredly.

“It won’t taste any good —“ The bartender’s eyes drifted to Reiner’s band on his arm. His Honorary Marleyan status. “I’m not giving that to you. First drink is on me.”

Reiner ran his hand over his band, folding his arms on the table, “Thanks.”

“I haven’t seen you around before, have you been on a trip or what?” The bartender asks, slamming a cup of ice on the counter and lapping some mysterious brown liquid into the cup. He almost fills the cup. Reiner puts out a hand, telling him to slow down.

“Enough-“ Reiner hears the bartender snicker and he takes a small sip of his drink. Whiskey, or bourbon, rum, Reiner doesn’t know but the taste makes him cringe inside. “— I was away on a mission for a few years, just got back.” He swirled the cup around, listening to the ice clink around in the glass.

The bartender tipped his head to Reiner, “Well thank you for your service and hard work. We need more examples like you.” No, no you don’t, Reiner quietly thought to himself. He continued sipping at his drink, feeling the burning warmth of the alcohol stir in his stomach. Then, he felt a gentle tap on the shoulder.

Slight perspective change not really

You reach out, tapping the shoulder of who you think, may be Reiner Braun. The little boy you knew years ago, who was rumoured to become a Titan shifter for the Marley military. You had gone to Primary school in Liberio together, you two were close friends for a lot of your childhood, and very quickly that was taken from you. You hadn’t seen him since.

The man turned around, and looked at you oddly. He stared at you hard, and you saw his mind try to work out who you were. You wrung your hands uncomfortably, but still smiling kindly. You were right, it was him. Then, his eyes softened and recollection bubbled to the surface. “Heyy.. Y/N?”

You nod, breaking out into a grin, “Reiner ..” he pulls the seat next to him out, letting you sit.

“What’re you doing here it’s so late?” He asked.

“I could say the same to you, it’s almost 3 in the morning.” You reply. He takes a sip of his drink again, and sets it down, turning to face you and setting one of his elbows on the counter, and the other on the head of the chair, his fingers clasped together. “How’re you doing?” You ask.

Reiner looks down at his hands, shifting in his seat. “I’m okay, Y/N. What have you been up to these past years?” He sniffs, and returns his eyes back to you. The boy you knew all those years ago was completely gone. He was so huge, and wide - his gold blonde hair now ashy, and slightly grey in the light. His face thinned out, his cheekbones and chin looking almost god-like as he narrowed his eyes in on you. He was unrecognizable, and you thought he was really handsome.

You think quickly of what to say, exhaling an exaggerated breath. “It’s been uneventful largely. I’ve taken over my family’s market, and I work with vendors and farmers all day.”

Reiner nods, intrigued by what you said. “That sounds great, speaking of, how is your family?” He asks.

You shrug, “Same old everything. They’re just getting older now.” You reply. “What about you though? I haven’t seen you in years, Reiner,” you say softly, and leaning in slightly. Immediately you notice at how Reiner recedes at your question, and his eyes avert from yours, as if to say ‘you don’t want to know’.

But, Reiner remembers you, and the years of friendship you had before all of this. He knows he doesn’t really know you— a lot can change in 10 years, but he decides to let you in on it anyway. Maybe that’s what Reiner needs, is to just tell someone.

“I went to the ‘Devil’s’ island for a few years, to do a mission.” He said, deliberating if he should tell any more details, “It was — a long time to be away from home.” He finished.

Your suspicions are confirmed. Still, you wanted to know if the rumours had been true. “Is it true,” you leant in across the bar, placing your hand his chair, “that you can titan shift?” You whisper. Reiner blinks hard, before biting the inside of his cheek in nervousness and leaning away. He replied with a nod,

“Yeah.” He says lowly.

“Wow,” you reply, “that’s incredible.” To this, Reiner chuckles and grabs his drink, taking a deep swig and draining the glass.

“Incredible isn’t the way I’d describe it, but it had its moments..” he trailed off. “Do you want to go outside? It’s hot in here.” You nod eagerly, and he stands up, offering an arm for you to wrap yours around and your leave the bar. You’re met with a gust of wind and you two start walking down the streets, looking at all the dark and closed up shops that litter the town centre.

“Do you feel like you missed out on anything because of your job?” You ask,

Reiner pressed his lips together, his eyebrows knitting together, “I suppose I have, I don’t know what I should have done normally,”

Your heart sank at his reply. Everything was torn away from him so early in life, it was all he knew. How could things get so muddy? How could you two, once close friends, diverge so far away from each other. He was a stranger to you, but your faint memories of him were enough. “You never went back to school? You never went shopping at the markets on Devils island?,” you tried to recall things everyone in Marley did. Everyone worked, prayed, ate dinner with their family, got married, stayed out past curfew - quietly evading the footsteps of Marleyan troops. “You never had your first kiss?” You asked smugly, nudging him with your elbow. He shook his head to all of your suggestions, exhaling an amused breath.

“Never, I was undercover on the Island. I served in their military… there was never any peace and quiet, Y/N,” his sentence dropped off and it suggested there was more to be said, “certainly no time to grow those kinds of relationships either,” he gently nudged you back, hailing back to your comment about first kisses. “It’s not like there was anyone worthy anyway.”

You two continued walking, and feeling more bold, you wrap your arm around his waist. You weren’t anticipating how far your arm sunk into his waist, and even through his clothes you could feel how slender he was. You had no point of reference for how Reiner looked after he left you, but you knew someone of his stature and breadth should be more substantial. What did they do to him? You wonder silently to yourself.

“Did you miss home, Reiner?” You ask him, as you approach your the small cobblestone path that leads to your home. You stop in front of the path and turn to face him.

He nods earnestly, “I do. It’s been too long, and I should be staying for a while.” He replies. Unconsciously, you take a step toward him, leaving only a few inches between you and him.

“You should come see me again then.” You quietly muse, lifting your head to meet his eyes. His eyes sat in a constant state of stress, and you could see wrinkles bloom around his skin. He tried to smooth it out, letting his eyebrows relax, and he smiled slightly.

“I’d like to do that.” Unknown to either of you, he leaned into you, placing a heavy hand on your shoulder. “I’m really happy to see life has been good to you.”

You couldn’t ignore the implication behind his words. You knew life had treated him unkindly, and you wished it hadn’t. “It was luck really. I could have easily been in your position.”

Reiner shook his head, “You don’t become a child solider and Titan shifter without trying really damn hard, Y/N. i chose this life.” You didn’t know what to say. He chose this life. What circumstances, what desperation lead to him making this choice? Sure, there is free will, but what element of our choices are coercive? You opened your mouth, about to say something but nothing comes out. “I should let you go, get some rest.” Reiner said softly.

You nod. But before you leave, you place your hand back on Reiner’s waist, not knowing why you’re stalling or why you’re leaning in closer to him. He looks at you gravely, “You said you’ve never had your first kiss?” You whispered. Reiner just nodded, his eyes boring into you intensely. You shift your weight, standing firmly on your feet. “Can I change that?” You ask, barely able to look up at him with how close he is to you.

The air between you is hanging with anticipation, and Reiner’s face hardens with concentration. Then, his hand travels up from your shoulder and on to the side of your face.

“Yes,” he replied, feeling out of breath himself. His hands began to feel wiry, and hot, and his heart was beating out of his chest. He was intimidated by the way you looked at him with such constant, and pleasant eyes. The friendly, and almost loving stare you gave him as he slowly leaned in, letting your lips press against his.

You planted a gentle, but firm kiss on his lips, before releasing and hovering right against his lips. You decided to pull him closer by the waist, and kiss him again. Reiner’s lips were smooth, and your stomach flipped as you felt Reiner’s lips move against yours finally. You could taste the spicy bitterness of his drink, and his overgrown stubble brushed against your face as you tilted your head, kissing the other side of his lips.

Reiner made a noise in the back of his throat and he brought his other hand to your face. You tightly wrapped your arms around his waist, letting your forearms sit on top of his hips. A part of you wants to deepen the kiss — to grab his hair and devour his lips greedily, massaging your tongue against his and pulling his bottom lip with your teeth. But this is his first kiss, and you know better, so you keep them sweet. His kisses are shallow, and of undecided pace. Some are long, leaving you to enjoy the moment and melt in his hands, and some are short, his lips pressing against yours, never letting his mouth open up for more than a quick kiss. He was trying out your mouth for the first time, and you wanted to be apart of this fleeting learning curve.

Without any words being exchanged, you gained control of the kiss. He broke away from your lips momentarily, pressing his forehead against yours. You smiled underneath him, and after you caught your breath you stroked the side of his face, and leaned in for another kiss.

This time you let your mouth open further, taking more of Reiner in, and letting him explore your mouth. Immediately he felt the wet rim of your lips, and made another throaty groan, kissing you with a little more confidence. You reciprocated, sighing into his kiss and wrapping your arm around his neck. His lips eagerly glided with yours and soon his hands were slowly roaming your body, never below your hips, or too close to your chest.

Without your initiation, Reiner gently flicks his tongue in your mouth and it gives you butterflies. Your head was spinning, and you were consumed with a feeling of peace, and love. Whether it was the drinks you had earlier in the night, or the fresh wave of nostalgia for the man you were holding, you were overcome with bliss. You had no idea if Reiner would make an effort to see you again, but you really hoped he did.

You slowly introduce your tongue against his, sliding it in during a kiss and then retracting, leaving him to laugh into your mouth as he dove back in, trying to get you to do it again. Reiner was a quick learner, and his rhythm matched with yours in a matter of minutes. You widened your mouth, and tilted your head to the side, gliding your tongue through his teeth and colliding with his tongue.

To set the pace, you slowly flicked his tongue, retreating into the kiss before doing it again, letting your tongues crash against each other. His kisses left you breathless and you could feel tension building with each passing second. Your lips felt like they were made for each other. Soon, Reiner pulled away, planting one more kiss against your lips and tipping his head down, and resting his forehead on your shoulder. You ran your fingers through his hair, sighing and smiling giddily to yourself.

“How was that Reiner?” You whispered against his head.

Reiner stood up fully, a hand still softly on your shoulder, “Good enough to know I have been missing out,” he replied.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #Reiner braun #reiner braun fan fiction #reiner is my husband #reiner braun headcanon #reiner braun imagine #reiner braun fanfic #reiner braun x y/n #reiner braun x reader #attack on titan headcanon #attack on titan fandom #attack on titan wholesome #attack on titan fanfiction #aot #aot mappa #aot season four

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earthstellar · 4 years ago

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Cybertron’s Colony Worlds: Paradron

So, if you’re a toy collector, you probably saw the Ratchet and Lifeline Paradron Medics pack as part of the War for Cybertron releases:

But what is Paradron, and who is Lifeline (the mint Arcee repaint on the left above)?

Lifeline: Paradron Medic

We see her first in G1; I will go over her key episode in more detail below.

Generally, the Paradon medics seem to be femme bots, with the same frame type and paint job across each of them for a more uniform look. They are based on Arcee’s animation model, so the toy being a re-paint of the same model makes sense.

In the War for Cybertron background information, Lifeline is a Cybertronian refugee who fled to Paradron at the beginning of the war. She is one of the last surviving members of the Paradron Medic Corps by this time, and doesn’t trust Ratchet until he works with her to care for a few patients; She then provides him with the energon supply he was looking for.

Paradron’s Planetary Cultural Background

In the G1 episode Fight or Flee, we’re introduced to Paradon as Pacifist society; They have a significant abundance of energon, partially owing to the fact that they never had to deplete their resources for war.

Their planet is stated to run on a Democratic principle of government, which contrasts significantly to most depictions of Cybertron, which leans from Traditional Monarchy (a Prime as a spiritually appointed leader in a lineage of holy Primal figures) to Functionism (a class/caste system based around alt-mode ranking).

They do have a carceral (prison) system, despite a seemingly more peaceful society and culture, so there are likely some unseen social issues.

They are staunch Pacifists, which means they do not engage in conflict/combat regardless of circumstance; This is unfortunately the usual take on Pacifists that we see in media, when in reality Pacifism can be manifested as a complex ideology based on contextual circumstance and wider influences, which is a bit shallow, but I know this is an 80s kid’s cartoon.

Fight or Flee Episode Key Points: The One Episode Where Rodimus Genuinely Made Horrific Decisions

Due to this staunch Pacifism, the Decepticons invade by force and start to use the population as an unwilling labour force/slaves.

The Autobots, with centuries of war and a lack of nuance, force weapons on the Paradons (who have never handled weapons before), and don’t bother with addressing their cultural ideology before encouraging them to join the battle.

(I understand that this is a children’s show in the 80s and they only have 30 minutes per episode to have a self-contained story unfold, but as a Quaker with Pacifist beliefs, it still irritates me a bit that none of the Autobots ever discuss what could be learned from Paradron’s successes and failures, and they make no effort to engage with local bots to discuss Pacifism and philosophical tenants that may prevent further or future harm from coming to Paradron. But this is fully just my perspective on this.)

The most egregious part of this episode is when Rodimus orders Ultra Magnus to destroy the planet, to prevent it from falling under Decepticon control.

The logic they use to justify this action is that “Paradrons are Cybertronians, and can live on Cybertron”, but this reeks of coloniser energy-- especially as this planet is already a direct colony of Cybertron-- and it’s really, really rough to watch. The planet is vaporised; It vanishes from among the stars.

The Paradronians were not asked their opinion on whether or not this option would be worth it to them; They lost their homeworld and will be forced into a culture based around war.

Sandstorm has regrets, and calls the planet beautiful even as it dies. Rodimus replies with an oddly vicious statement: “Cybertron is better, anyway.” Yikes.

Conclusion:

I like the idea of Cybertron’s colony worlds; There are many, and each one is very distinct. In IDW, we get Caminus, which seemed to use some of the ideas for Paradron in that they generally avoided the war entirely as well.

There’s a lot of potential to use the existence of these colony worlds to discus some pretty interesting stuff, or some pretty deep concepts. Given that TF is a franchise ostensibly for children, we rarely see this covered much outside of the IDW 2005 comics, but it’s fascinating that there are so many colonised planets out there.

The implications of these colonies existing, the reasons for their abandonment or lack of contact (which varies from series to series), and the difference in planetary cultures is even more interesting in contrast with Cybertron and what we see of the main characters-- And how they react to the differences between themselves and their colony counterparts.

I think Paradron has a lot of potential to be re-visited, and I was thrilled to see WFC form a little duo with Lifeline and Ratchet.

Even if they don’t go back to Paradron, given the way the above episode ended, it would be interesting to see the Paradronian people afterwards; Trying to cope with the aftermath, how they were received on Cybertron, whether or not they are able or willing to engage with Cybertronian society given what happened to their planet, etc.

#rodimus #tf ratchet #g1 #transformers #lifeline #idw transformers #maccadam #cybertronian culture #paradron #paradron medics

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tuiyla · 3 years ago

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Oh yeah totally! I mean I always saw it as Dani making it super obvious that she meant it in an endearing way, like it’s cute that she’s still pretty new to navigating the waters of her sexuality, and wanting her to make the most of living in such an open city and that’s why she introduces her to her friends who are all queer. I like the idea that they take her to her first pride parade, first lesbian bar, kind of push her to drop the internalized homophobia that she still holds onto a tinnnnnny bit, get her into the world of queer shipping bahahah. Ya know, stuff like that. I’m just super into the idea of Santana having another friend group apart from the Glee kids and what better than Dani’s older (because I always assumed she was a few years older, I have no idea why) adventurous friends that just enjoy living life (and I also like the idea of her being apart of a group that is more protective of her, rather than the other way around since she’s always being the protector for her Glee friends :p)

Yeah lucky for Santana, Dani finds her cluelessness endearing and v cute. I like that she was this older (? imo, too), more experienced presence in Santana's life even if for a brief while. And, you know, had Glee thought of wild things such as themes I think contrasting Dani cutting ties with her past altogether vs Santana never quite leaving Lima fully behind could would have been interesting. Imagine contextualizing her "I'm not coming back here, maybe never" Quarterback line with a convo with Dani. Because Dani strikes me as someone who really did grab her guitar and never looked back. And that's just not Santana, though I think season 5A Santana wants to be.

Anyway, the idea of Santana being part of a queer friend group makes me emotional. Like, just this group of slightly older cool queer people with diverse identities and opinions who'd be like "wtf that's soo fucked up" when she tells them about being outed to all of Ohio and stuff like that. She'd tell that story sort of absentmindedly like oh yeah that was a thing that happened and Dani's friends would immediately just, adopt her. This is our baby gay now. And Santana is of course super not used to that but she doesn't have all that baggage of the persona she created in high school and how people perceived her in turn so she rolls with it. It's a true fresh start, one she deserves honestly. I mean really I just want someone, anyone, to cup her face, look her in the eyes, and tell her that the outing wasn't her fault, that Alma's rejection wasn't on her, that she is worthy of love. (And it's comforting to know Britt probably did do that but it being an outside perspective who really sees how fucked up it all is? I need that.)

#glee asks #santana asks #anon #dantana #dani nolastname #glee headcanons #dantana anon i vibe with everything you say

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weirdcanucks · 5 years ago

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For our final film of the series, we look at the subject of Indigenous hockey. Based on Ojibwe author Richard Wagamese’s novel, Indian Horse uses the hook of hockey to grapple with Canada’s darkest policy: the Indian residential school system.

We'll look at the criticism towards this film: failure to keep the novel's indigenous storytelling methods, narrative colonialism (adapted entirely by white key creatives), and more importantly, the industry problem of the lacking opportunities for Indigenous filmmakers. Circling back to the Holtby mask and Canucks logo cases, I think it's very well worth a read!

Synopsis

Torn from his Ojibwe family as a child in the 1950s, Saul Indian Horse is left to languish in an Ontario residential school, where he's forbidden to speak his own language and faces corporal punishment for the slightest transgression. Undaunted, Saul finds salvation on a sheet of ice, where he demonstrates a hockey sense that allows him to slip bodychecks with a dancer's grace and constantly leaves him three moves ahead of opponents. However, even when his talent allows him to escape the school and places him on the precipice of stardom, he can't evade the ramifications of past abuses.

Keep Reading for:

Why wasn’t an Indigenous director hired to make Indian Horse?

Indian Horse and the limits of allyship in adaptation

Rethinking Canada through Indigenous hockey

Witnessing painful past: Understanding the images of sports at Canadian Residential School

📄 Why wasn’t an Indigenous director hired to make Indian Horse?

Director Stephen S. Campanelli explains his reaction to reading the late Richard Wagamese’s novel and Dennis Foon’s adapted screenplay. “I was shocked and angered and embarrassed to be a Canadian and not know about this. And I wrote an impassioned six-page email saying why I needed to direct it.”

The uncomfortable question that I’m certainly not the first to ask is why Campanelli’s need to direct a story he previously knew nothing about is prioritized over the ambition of numerous Indigenous filmmakers who have been waiting for the opportunity to tell their stories.

Indigenous audiences at screenings across the country have expressed how much the film has touched them. There are others who, like me, were left a bit horrified. We are talking about a film reckoning with colonialism that has been adapted entirely by white key creatives (the main producers, director and writer), a set-up we could argue is narrative colonialism.

“It felt like extractive filmmaking at its finest,” says filmmaker Elle-Máijá Tailfeathers, a member of the Kainai First Nation and Sámi from Norway. “I felt like I was watching a spectacle of Indigenous trauma,” says Tailfeathers. “It was very apparent that there were no Indigenous key creatives. There’s an outsider/insider perspective. As outsiders, they are inevitably going to tell the story wrong because they don’t get it. They haven’t lived it. They don’t understand it from the perspective of lived experience. And it’s reflected so clearly onscreen. It’s yet another film about Indigenous people by non-Indigenous people for non-Indigenous people. It was made for settler audiences to have this emotional catharsis and walk away and feel like they did something.”

“It’s being paraded as an Indigenous film. But it’s not. It’s taking up space. And that’s what settlers do. It’s about them taking up space. It’s about them choosing which stories have value. It’s about them choosing whose voices should be heard.”

The persistent challenge for Indigenous filmmakers is that no matter how much talent they show in their short films and micro features, it barely translates to bigger opportunities at making features. Instead they often find themselves working on projects for settler storytellers, populating consulting roles on features or acting as the sole First Nations representative in the writers’ room on a television series. It’s tokenism easing the way for narrative colonialism.

“Tokenism comes from this inherent understanding that [the settler storytellers] are not really coming from a place of truth,” says Tailfeathers. “They haven’t properly collaborated. They haven’t properly worked with the community whose story they’re extracting. We’re an afterthought. And that’s very apparent in their process."

That process also often trumpets good intentions and well-meaning decisions.

“There’s been a long history of good intentions,” says Jesse Wente of the newly formed Indigenous Screen Office. “Remember, the residential schools were well intentioned in theory. There are many instances where you have non-Indigenous storytellers who are very well intentioned. But the reality is that when it comes to movies made about First Nations people, roughly 99.9 percent of them have been made by non-Indigenous peoples. That sort of overwhelming history suggests that maybe those good intentions are getting in the way of better results. Even if you come with the best of intentions, at what point will it be okay with the over-culture that Indigenous people get to tell their own stories? We are long overdue.”

📄 Indian Horse and the limits of allyship in adaptation

While the filmmakers get that the content of the story isn’t theirs to tell, the way the story is told on screen significantly alters the tone. Wagamese’s novel immerses the reader in Saul’s personal subjectivity, an essential component of indigenous knowledge and storytelling. The novel is framed as Saul writing his story down to share only with a counsellor he trusts. By extension, this forms a personal relationship with the reader as someone to be trusted. Saul writes his narrative relationally, with brief asides about culture and memory to contextualize his story.

In attempting to faithfully adapt the novel’s plot, the filmmakers abandon one of Indian Horse’s most affecting aspects, its storytelling methods. While readers serve as Saul’s trusted audience, film viewers are independent observers of Saul and his surroundings. The film even gives viewers access to scenes where Saul was not present, such as school staff meetings and incidents of abuse. Had the filmmaking team involved indigenous members, they could have been in a better position to find a creative solution to adaptation that actually reflects an indigenous storytelling perspective. Instead, the result is a film that brings a vital story to a potentially wider audience, but feels like a story told second-hand.

⏪ Our previous post on Rethinking Canada through Indigenous hockey

⏪ Our previous post on Understanding the images of sports at Canadian Residential School

#change hockey culture #film #indigenous hockey

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stressedspidergirlsfandomblog · 5 years ago

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Okay, so imagine this

Kaer Morhen is a place that little boys go to die, if they’re lucky, or they become witchers.

(In some ways, Strangers Like Me is what fucking ran thru my head literally all night last night. I wrote nothing, I could not sleep, and my brain SPIRALED all over this)

And somehow, despite the world beating him down and beating him down and beating him down and shelling him out over and over, he runs into an idiot bard who has no fear of him. Who slowly goes from thinking he’s a simpleton to realizing there is a man in there, a boiling seething lake of feelings and anger overtopped by a thick layer of ice. And the bard makes it his life’s mission to help him learn that he is human. (the whole fic idea is more Geraskier, but it has to START the development elsewhere)

he also bumps sorceress who teaches him love and anger and all sorts of other things -fancy table manners, philosophy etc. He has access to things with her he’d never have had in the keep. She teaches him how to eat chicken on the bone with a fork and knife (book canon), and all the other fancy utensils because he’s a person dammit and he should know that his napkin goes in his lap. He devours her books, and since she can read minds she can draw out the conversations from him. She teaches him how to have those conversations and those debates.

TWs for all the canon compliant fucking misery that is Geralt’s life. Child abuse, neglect, assault, etc.

Geralt is incapable of believing good about himself, or expressing himself normally or knowing what to do in social situations. He mimics, he copies, he attempts to replicate, but if the situation changes he isn’t sure what to do.

Trauma gives us 4 options. Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. He knows how to fight, but sometimes it leads him to battles he’ll never win. Flight is usually safest. Freeze can also work well, but he doesn’t know how to fawn, no one’s praised him enough or taught him how to give praise or fake affection in turn. Usually, he chooses to freeze until he can assess better. If there’s no blades drawn, it is time to freeze.

( I am looking at this purely from a child abuse perspective)

He has no idea what to make of Yennefer. She is rage, and greed, and feelings, and luxury. She teaches him to fight back. She teaches him you can be angry and people will not always leave you. Some children/adults will do anything to please someone in hopes of affection until they feel safe, and they begin to test boundaries. And with Yennefer, he’s allowed. Neither one of them knows how to process emotions in a healthy way, not really. But if she wants to throw a jam jar at the wall -not at him, never at him. She doesn’t want to hurt him. She’s just angry and has to break something. Better the jar than herself. Or him. He learns to stomp and yell right back, to knock things off the dresser or desk. Maybe it’s not a good lesson, but it’s something.

She teaches him choice in bed. He’s never had choice in bed, he’s never made love. He has had sex. Voluntary, involuntary. Me for her, let the girl go, use me instead. He heals. He always heals. He can kill them if he wants to, but that raises more problems than it solves. Kaer Morhen has no women. He learns very little about making love there, either, feelings are forbidden. However, he learns to keep himself silent and still as his cock is stroked, he learns to not let the bed so much as creak the slightest bit, not the softest change in his breathing. He learns how to use precum as lubricant because there is nothing else, and while he doesn’t learn how to kiss, or fuck, he learns how to touch. There’s no kind of education like that. It’s control, management of pain, seeking approval from people who rarely give it.

Yennefer gives him approval. She gives him choice, and she teaches him to move his hips. She teaches him it’s alright to breathe through it, to beg for it, to twitch, it’s okay to want something for himself. He can’t reconcile it, can’t adapt well to it. But in bed, with her, he allows himself to be freer. It doesn’t translate for him, into other situations. His learning is contextual. He has trouble applying the lessons she tries to teach him to other social situations. He can fight back with her because she likes him. He can argue with her about books because she starts the conversation for him because he doesn’t know how. He is heinously smart, he can read, write, and speak at least three languages, he can synthesize information so quickly it stuns her. If he’d been chosen as a mage, if he could access the Source, he would set the world on fire.

She teaches him to say ‘no.’ It’s not something he knew he could do. Not outside of negotiating a contract. Most of his world is lived inside of his own head because he isn’t allowed to offer opinions unless someone asks. Other than contracts. There is a script, there are rules, he can say ‘I won’t kill that’ or ‘that’s not enough coin’ or ‘no.’ Those situations he can talk freely and articulately.

They experiment in bed, to a point. She can tell when he’s getting cagey and stops. She never makes him say ‘no’, never lets it get that far, because she knows he’ll freeze. When he’s vaguely curious about light bondage she simply tells him to see if he can even stand to put his palms on the headboard and not touch her. He can’t. He can’t stand it if she won’t touch him, either, when she offers to return the favor and see if he likes that edge of control. He doesn’t. She’s had other lovers, but none like him. None as broken and angry as she is. (The book says, it flat out says, they did not know HOW to be kind, but they wanted to be, and so they were, when it describes how they make love.) They try other things, some things he more tolerates than enjoys -the unicorn. But he doesn’t hate it, he just doesn’t prefer it.

He can’t admit to feelings, he can’t admit to loving her, and so she can’t tell him because he isn’t ready to hear it. He can’t believe any of it, and so she can’t say a word. Telling him would chase him out of her life forever. When he tries to share things with her, when he tries to push himself to describe any part of himself, she listens. She uses many of his failings against him when they fight, but never what he tells her in confidence and struggle and broken words. When he tells her ‘they botched it’ meaning they botched him, he’s worthless, not made right, and horrible, she tells him perhaps she is the same.

Eventually the fighting is too much, the frustration at themselves is too much. They can’t heal each other. What they need doesn’t line up yet.

They break apart and he travels again, happy to reunite with Jaskier. Not that he understands that feeling. But something feels ...easier, with the bard around. He tries on occasion to engage in conversations, just sharing a random fact or quote with the bard and Jaskier doesn’t realize what Geralt is doing for weeks until Geralt stops and he finally asks him what his quote of the day is. Geralt visibly perks and Jaskier finally understands what Geralt has been trying to tell him. He finally asks the right question and Geralt talks to him for hours, long after the sun sets, as animated as his training allows him to be, describing how he’s connected this human myth to an elvish historical event that is corroborated by the dwarves, he had to read it in Elvish, and also Dwarfish, but he can’t find a written version of the myth he’s only heard it spoken or sung.

Jaskier takes him to Oxenfurt and leads him in and out of guest lectures. They sit in the back so Geralt can hide, because that’s what he does. Don’t look people in the eye unless they tell you to. Don’t look up, don’t be big, don’t exist if you can help it. And he hides and scrunches in on himself, but he listens, and the bard lets him pore over libraries and scares off anyone who would complain at a mutant witcher touching precious tomes. Geralt is gentle, and careful, and sweet, and he deserves to read what he wants, he deserves answers to questions about the world he could never find in Kaer Morhen where his only training was how to survive as a witcher.

Jaskier teaches him how to answer the question asked, not just say what he thinks people want to hear. That’s not what I asked you. I asked what your preference was. He learns that Geralt was very much raised to believe children should be seen and not heard, in terms of himself. He doesn’t speak up, doesn’t offer anything unless asked. Not unless it’s about witchering, then he is allowed. And so he makes sure to ask. Are you hungry? Would you like to stop for the night, too? Does that hurt, it looks like it hurts. And Geralt learns to listen to the words, and he learns if asked, he is allowed to speak for himself. He doesn’t have to do what he thinks Jaskier wants. Unless prompted, around people, he rarely speaks, rarely converses, and just tries not to be terrifying. Keeps his head down, hood up, he doesn’t want to be hurt. He’s sick of being hurt. He’s sick of going hungry, he is sick of being miserable. And he has found if he is invisible, people leave him alone. He doesn’t get stoned, he doesn’t get beaten, he doesn’t get chased out for just wanting a bed to sleep in and a warm meal. If he doesn’t take up space, he can exist. Jaskier speaks for him, people think perhaps he’s a simpleton who the bard travels with, they don’t know the quick mind behind the eyes focused firmly on the ground.

It constantly breaks Jaskier’s heart. He has never seen Geralt smile. He has never heard him laugh. He has heard him talk with intonation on occasion, and usually only when reciting what he’s been told. He is an incredible mimic for tone and pitch and it astounds the bard. When he asks Were you even listening to me at all? and Geralt begins reciting everything he had said, with perfect inflection, since Geralt’s last one word response, perfect tone, perfect everything other than he doesn’t change his voice, his gravelly voice will never soar into tenor heights.

Children, ones who don’t know what he is, love him. Parents who don’t know, don’t see the swords strapped to Roach, they don’t mind the bard’s pet simpleton playing pat-a-cake with their children, they don’t mind them teaching him to make flower crowns. Or watching them draw in the dirt. The children never think he’s stupid, they like him all the more for knowing they aren’t, either. He lets them pet his horse, and boosts them into the saddle. He helps them reach fruit on tree branches, and pulls down prickly berry vines full of blackberries so they can gorge on the sweet fruit. Jaskier loves watching him with children, because he’s less guarded. He starts out small, makes himself so small, so nonthreatening, and when the children realize he’s happy to play with them, he relaxes. The tension leaves him and the villagers ignore him. Any adult stupid enough to want to play with children, to humor them, and listen to their stories can’t be right in the head. The bard’s assurances he won’t touch them or hurt them goes a long way.

He used to freeze and flinch and shudder whenever Jaskier touched him, because he could not understand. He still doesn’t. Emotions make no sense, touching for affection that isn’t between lovers makes no sense. Jaskier stays with him, so they must be friends. He’d admit it openly if asked. He doesn’t understand he loves the other man. He wouldn’t know that’s what he was feeling even if he was told. He feels nothing, it’s a scooped out shell, there is nothing inside of him other than sometimes anger. That’s why he had to leave Yennefer. She was the sun and he just reflected her warmth, he had nothing of his own to give back.

Patently untrue, but there’s nothing that would convince him otherwise and Jaskier doesn’t try. Geralt is ridiculously capable and educated, and wonderful and the bard does what he can to praise him when he can because he knows Geralt needs to hear it. No one praised him or loved him as a child. Hugs are still foreign and after years of them his first instinct is still to flinch. He will sleep comfortably draped across the bard, or with the bard curled into him. He doesn’t care about that. He doesn’t have the same personal boundaries other people do. If he’s cold, and Jaskier is there, he sees no reason not to share heat.

It had given the bard heart failure when they’d been sitting around the fire after eating and Geralt had just started pleasuring himself without understanding why that might not be socially acceptable. He’d offered to help the bard first. Not wanting to give Geralt another reason to be ashamed, or small, or scared, he had declined, and wondered in what world could a boy grow up afraid of being held, but feel perfectly comfortable jerking himself off in the company of others. What had been even odder was the witcher had continued their conversation as though this was normal. Hadn’t lost focus, his breathing had never changed, he hadn’t seemed to take much pleasure from his actions, and Jaskier couldn’t understand why he was doing it.

It had made his heart hurt in new ways. It’s a perfunctory action, meant to relieve an itch, not something for pleasure’s sake alone. Everything he does has function and reason and logic.

When they run into people Jaskier knows, and they want to talk to the white wolf, or see him, or bother him, Jaskier tells them to leave him be. He won’t talk to them. His poor witcher gains a bit of a reputation as being a tame monster, trailing his bard on a leash and killing monsters as directed.

When they’re low on grain for the horses, he goes to busk and see if he can drum up coin. When he comes back to pay the stablemaster, the last thing he expects is for Geralt to be paying with his body, a blank expression on his face as he braces himself against the door of an empty stall. He looks at Jaskier without any kind of shame, any understanding of what’s happening to him because he needs feed for Roach, and she needs a warm place to sleep out of the muck during the rainy seasons. Her hooves need to be dried out, he needs to borrow tools to clean the frogs and check her shoes. He might need the services of a ferrier. He’ll get a bit of coin for this and then some extra. If it isn’t sex with a lover, it’s just a transaction, what should he care? The bard escapes when he realizes only Geralt saw, and pukes his guts up into the gutters. He’d have tried to stop it, but the stablemaster was bigger than he was and he couldn’t take the risk the man would hurt Geralt.

The horses taken care of, Jaskier uses the coin he’d earned to have a bath drawn up and helps Geralt bathe until all trace of stable is washed away. He tries to ask, and when Geralt openly tells him it’s just better that way, he bites his tongue so hard it bleeds rather than reply or push the issue. He has coin, they’re fine, Geralt won’t need to do that again while they’re together.

He notices how the witcher gets thinner after, stress and shame eating his insides even if he won’t admit it. He’d been the heaviest Jaskier had ever seen him after living with Yennefer for a few years. Healthy. Shiny hair, bright eyes, enough meat over his bones to hide them. Slowly his spine creeps through his skin and the bard can count the vertebrae. It will pass, and he realizes he’s seen this pattern. This has happened before he just hadn’t seen. It passes, Geralt finds lucrative contracts, and his body fills back out.

They continue to work on what feelings are. Geralt remains baffled by the fact the bard will not bed him in any capacity, and doesn’t understand why they can’t share a little pleasure. Jaskier knows if he gives in, Geralt will never let it progress beyond more than just skin on skin. He’ll never understand it could be more. He has to wait, he has to keep pushing for the witcher to understand there is more.

They happen upon a town, and a small girl, perhaps three or four years old, picks flowers by the side of the road. There’s a house visible in the distance, but it’s awfully far for a small child to have wandered. Geralt immediately looks around for a dead body, half expecting to find the child’s mother dead in a ditch. Nothing. When she notices his hair peeking out from under his cloak as he crouches down to talk to her, she pushes the fabric off his head to twirl her fingers into his hair. He barely breathes as he asks her where her ma and pa are. She points at the house and said she wanted the orange flowers. He looks over and sees that while there are what seems like thousands of wildflowers much closer, none are the color she’s currently collecting. The child will be missed soon enough, he supposes as he offers her a seat on his shoulder. Before she accepts, she splays small fingers under his eye and he freezes, waiting for her to scream or reject him. She simply says ‘pretty.’ When he lifts her up, she tangles a hand back into his hair to help her hold on and keep her balance. She stuffs the flowers into her small apron -probably made more to humor her than for any practical purpose, and occasionally pats Geralt’s head and tells him again, his hair is pretty and he’s nice to take her home.

When screaming reaches his ears, he knows the little girl’s name is Ivana, and he tells Jaskier, “Make noise, her mother is in the fields looking for her.” The bard’s trained lungs will project far better than his will. His lungs are trained to breathe evenly and slowly in all things. He will endure if he keeps his heart slow and his breathing calm.

“Over here! We’ve found her!” Jaskier calls, his voice ringing stridently over the fields. He’s not sure how she could hear him from so far that only Geralt can hear her frantic calls, but all the same he sees how Geralt tilts his head and nods to himself.

They speed up, Geralt’s stride long and even as the woman comes pelting across the grass, crushing flowers, and her skirts hiked up over her knees to keep them out of her way. She gasps slightly when she sees Geralt and the brightly dressed bard, not sure what they will do to her or her daughter. She can see the swords on the roan mare. “I haven’t coin, please don’t hurt her,” she says.

Jaskier feels Geralt shrivel. “We just saw her picking flowers and knew she’d be missing,” he explains. “We don’t want coin. Not for returning a toddler to her mother,” he protests. When she reaches out for her child, and Geralt obliges by leaning to hand her off, the girl shrieks in displeasure.

Geralt freezes, one arm half coming up to ward the mother off, but unsure. Why wouldn’t she want to go back? It’s Jaskier who saves the situation by laughing. “I see she’s gotten quite attached,” he tells the anxious mother. “Here, Ivana, come down, he’s very tired and he’s not a pony. You brought flowers for your ma, didn’t you? You can’t show her very well from up there,” and holds out his arms. The girl allows Geralt to pass her over, and he swiftly deposits her on the ground where her mother relaxes immediately. She shows the flowers, and offers Geralt one.

“Are you a witcher?” she asks.

“Yes,” Geralt says, careful not to open his mouth too much. His teeth are a bit too white, and his canines a bit too sharp. Not fangs, but some people choose to see them that way. They’d grown in sharper when he’d lost his baby teeth, he’d seen plenty of other humans with teeth like his, but against his pale skin and yellow eyes, the effect was more noticeable. More monstrous.

“There’s a wyvern, my man, when he gets back from ploughing, he can show you. I see Ivana has taken to you. If you’ll watch her while I bundle herbs, I’ll feed you both lunch.” She isn’t afraid of witchers. “We don’t have much coin, but there’s a bounty on the beast, you can turn it in, if you travel up the road a bit. In the mean time, I can offer you a place to sleep, some feed for your horse, and a meal in a few hours once I’ve finished my tasks.”

Jaskier knows Geralt is well pleased with the idea just from the shift of his shoulders. “Geralt’s a wonderful babysitter,” he smiles. “I can help you with the chores, I’m sure. Just put me to work. My name is Jaskier, that is Geralt, and you are?”

“Oh gods above, I’m so sorry, I’m Melina.” She reaches out to shake Jaskier’s hand and the bard accepts warmly, but when she tries to do the same for Geralt the bard gives her a look and she drops her hand. Odd. “Ivana, you mind Master Geralt, or I’ll give you such a hiding you won’t sit for weeks, do you hear me?”

“Yes, Mama,” she promises. “I will show him where to put the horse,” she says proudly and Geralt makes a ‘lead the way’ gesture at her with a little bow that makes her giggle. He takes Roach’s reins from Jaskier and follows the girl child to the barn.

“He won’t hurt her?”

“No, he’d die in her defense in a heartbeat.”

“But he can’t shake hands?”

“He wouldn’t know that’s what you wanted,” Jaskier tells her. Not sure if that makes it worse or puts her more at ease. “You don’t seem much afraid of him, considering how we started.”

“Witchers help people,” she smiles faintly. “My pa would have died long before he met my ma if not for a witcher who saved him on the road. Took a bad rake across his face, though, the witcher. My Pa taught us, even if we don’t know much reading or writing, history turns. People used to trust witchers. Then they tried to kill them all. And they’ll trust them again. Any man willing to risk dying to save others can’t be all bad.”

“That is what I’ve been saying.” He glances up to see the black-clad witcher come back into view with Ivana swinging his hand happily. He can’t hear her, but he knows she is chattering nonstop.

“Is he... simple?” she asks softly, watching as her daughter teaches Geralt a new clapping game he hasn’t seen before. He seems to be devoting all his energy to the game.

“No,” Jaskier breathes. “No, he’s brilliant,” his heart aches. “Will they be alright out here, your man won’t come home and try and beat him with a stick?”

“No, Roddy would never. He’ll come from the back fields as is. My Roderick is a good man. How could he hit your Geralt for playing with our daughter?”

“People have done worse for far less,” Jaskier says bitterly. He has no idea why he’s sharing with her. Perhaps months on the road of people being truly horrible to Geralt have made him desperate to talk to someone who isn’t. Someone who is kind.

“I see.” She shows Jaskier the herbs she’s drying, some to sell, some for home remedies. Vegetables to jar and pickle, and hundreds of other small tasks made near impossible by having a small child to mind. “My boys help their father in the fields, so that he can work on other tasks once they can manage the rest.” As the bard gets the knack for how to tie the herbs, she watches him a few seconds. “So what’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing,” Jaskier protests. “Nothing at all,” he aches for Geralt. “People, people are the ones who are wrong. He does everything he can to not draw attention. The less he talks, the less he moves, the less people notice and the less likely they are to-” His head snaps up when he hears a husky chuckle from outside. “Your man early?”

“No, he doesn’t laugh like that,” she says.

“Who the fuck is that then?” he demands, peering from the small window. Ivana is pointing at something dramatically and stamping a foot and he realizes the laugh is Geralt. His heart squeezes and he blinks rapidly. He hadn’t known Geralt could laugh. Not in all the years they’d been travelling together. “Oh,” he gasps, the wind knocked out of him.

“Let them be, if she starts to have a true tantrum I’ll rescue him. It’s about time for her to nap, she’ll be fussy soon enough.”

“Eh, he’ll be fine,” Jaskier tells her, rubbing at his eyes with a knuckle. “He’s faced worse than a grumpy toddler before.”

“Perhaps, Master Jaskier. But he cannot swing his sword to stop her from inconveniencing him.”

“He would never. Although, he might turn tail and run in here, seeking rescue,” he tries to turn the conversation somewhere else.

#geraskier #gerlion #yenneralt #eventual geraskefer #yenralt #geralt of rivia #the witcher

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invisiblerambler · 5 years ago

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The State of the Union BA 8/14/20

The last 2 weeks we have seen a lot of things happen in regards to video personalities leaving BA. For those who haven’t made statements since there has been a lot of specuation about the future of the channel. We know that some personalities are returning and the channel will resume uploading in September, but what I want to talk about is what could be happening with those who have not spoken either way about what the future with CNE holds for them.

This is simply to contextualize what could be happening that we aren’t seeing as well as possibly illuminating some of the PR strategies at work here.

First, we’ll talk about Claire, what she is doing has been a very frequent topic of conversation on the internet since the first group of personalities, Rick, Priya and Sohla announced they were parting ways. Claire’s last statement on her Instagram was on June 11 stating that she did not have a current contract with CNE and she did not know what the future would be. In an Instagram live with JChefe she said that she was currently on a break, this was likely planned before the solidarity strikes considering she said that she had not been under contract since June 1st, but this did mean the videos that would have bridged that gap have not been released.

The break was likely to allow her to finish working on her book releasing in October. I do think that she will make a statement about where things stand. As to why she hasn’t said anything either in support of those coworkers who have quit or where she stands I think there are several options of why that is;

1. (The least likely) she is going to continue with CNE after her break and will appear on the channel in September.

2. Things are still in negotiation. CNE may be waiting until the planned break is over to offer her a new contract so things are still in flux.

3. She’s leaving but things aren’t finalized and she wants to wait until she has as much information as possible to share. If she’s making a clean break and completely cutting ties it makes sense from a PR perspective to make one statement about exactly where she stands with the company. Carla was eviscerated for speaking in support of her coworkers who quit without having yet quit herself, but she obviously also left the company.

Something else to consider with this is she could be leaving CN, but she cannot announce what her next project is.

It it very unlikely to me that she won’t make a statement at all, but I think there is some things to consider when talking about why she hasn’t put out anything clarifying where things are now, vs in June when she last spoke on this.

Next let’s talk about Brad, again we need to be aware of the nuance that could be at play here. It is worth noting that Sohla did say she thought Brad just found out about racism, but I don’t think it’s quite that simple. So I think Brad going back to BA is just as likely as him not going back, but I want to talk about why I think that is.

So I think it all comes down to his contract and what clauses may or may not be in that contract. Both Molly and Carla who previously had CNE contracts both said that they were ‘asking to be released’ that language is very important here. In theory, CNE could decide not to let them out of their video contracts and force them to stay and fulfill the rest of their contracts. This is a terrible PR move on their part, but they have basically proven that they aren’t really afraid of bad PR so anything is possible.

To that end, Carla and Molly as well as Sohla all were basically full-time editors who also did video so they have that to fall back on. Gaby as well can go back to her job as TK manager since video was basically an added responsibility to her job.

I bring this up because Brad is listed on the masthead of the magazine as video host. That’s his only title since as you may or may not know he transitioned completely out of being TK manager and Gaby took over his job at the beginning of the year.

To that end, it may be harder for him to leave BA and stop doing videos since he has never worked on the editorial side and videos were likely his only source of income. It would be great if things were more cut and dry, but at some level this is these people’s incomes so in some cases leeway is warranted. We are in pandemic and asking a father of 2 young children to jeopardize his main source of income isn’t entirely fair.

However, I have some caveats for that statement. There is a chance that CNE has an exclusivity clause on his contract that would not allow him to do video elsewhere. If that’s true then he would basically be unemployed if he quit. We do not know for sure if this is a clause that exists, considering he has appeared on other channels, but if it existed there is likely language about it not being a similar show to It’s Alive or one time appearances are okay etc. As well, the last time I can remember that he appeared on another channel was in November(ish) on First We Feast on the episode of Hot Ones he did which was notably before he transitioned to video full time and likely had a more flexible contract than after the first of the year when he likely was under a new contract which could be more strict than his previous one.

To that end, I think even if he stays, I think it would only be through the end of the year when his contract would likely lapse and he would probably easily be able to get a show on a competing YouTube channel or even Netflix, Hulu etc. It would be deeply surprising to me if he didn’t have his pick considering the views he got consistently on YouTube.

Now let’s move onto Chris and Andy. I left these two for last out of the personalities who consistently appear on the channel for a reason. They are confirmed to be the two people who Priya was discussing in her statement about leaving CNE to be the publicly supportive and privately complicit. They have been confirmed to be interviewing Black chefs in the time when the channel first went on strike, so likely in June/July. If you want to read more about this @/joe_rosenthal has discussed this with anonymized sources.

This personally doesn’t sit right with me, but as a white person it’s not really my place to comment on it further than that. Again, I’m sure there is nuance to this, but it is not really a great look.

Chris obviously also has children to think about so that’s an aspect of this, but I have little doubt in my mind that he’ll end up going back to videos with any comment. I likely won’t support any new talent on the channel, but if they do successfully hire any new BIPOC personalities I may support those videos, but I haven’t worked out how I want to navigate all of that yet. At some level in my mind it’s a wait and see, but I will be very hesitant to give them any of my ad dollar or view time.

Then there’s Andy, again there’s a lot of nuance to this that I am not qualified to speak on, but a lot of the things that have been confirmed about Andy don’t give me a lot of faith that he will give up video in solidarity. Overall, I’m just kind of disappointed but not surprised. Again, Joe has reported on a lot of the things about him so I would direct you towards his Instagram highlights to read in more detail about various things that have been discussed in regards to Andy.

For Christina, I don’t really think she’s a part of this, she hadn’t appeared on the channel for a while so it’s possible she wasn’t offered a video contract or maybe didn’t even want one considering she keeps busy with Healthyish. I hadn’t seen much talk about her so I wanted to bring this up briefly.

I have no thoughts about Alex and personally I couldn’t really care less about what he does at this point. It would be bad PR to put him back on the channel, but as previously discussed CN doesn’t really care that much about bad PR.

To conclude this, everyone is entitled to feel about the actions of everyone however they want, but considering they are people with whole lives and career opportunities we may know nothing about it is important to keep perspective and allow context outside of the black and white.

#ba test kitchen #andy baraghani #molly baz #claire saffitz #sohla el waylly #rick martinez #brad leone #chris morocco #christina chaey #carla lalli music #bon appetit test kitchen

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

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why are you being like this?

people i’ve met - they’re not like you. they don’t care. i don’t matter.

don’t ever think that. we all matter.

just some meandering thoughts on where the thematic center of merlin bbc lies for me, and how it weaves itself in and out of my fandom experience.

under a cut because this is a) sort of long and b) not really directed anywhere but my own brain, as i keep thinking about and creating for this show.

[as always, before i get rolling, a reminder: when i write about how i engage with this show, it’s just me talking about what gives me, personally, the most satisfaction or enjoyment, not the way i think everybody should do things. if this isn’t your particular read, please feel free to scroll past. i am not ever going to bother anybody for engaging with this show in their own way, so please don’t worry about it if we are not on the same page.]

that post about kilgharrah really got me feeling things.

i struggle a lot with the sort of...non-nuanced ‘fuck kilgharrah/fuck gaius/fuck arthur/fuck whoever’ mode of engagement that i sometimes run across in fandom. (and i’m not saying there’s anything intrinsically wrong with it; if you have the most fun engaging with the show in that way, please continue to have fun. i’m just writing, on my own blog and in my own space, about what i personally do or don’t find compelling.)

i struggle with this mode for the same reason that i struggle with the whole ‘fuck yoda!’ narrative that pops up sometimes in tumblr’s star wars fandom. because it’s not the narrative that the story is actually trying to create, and though this fact doesn’t mean you can’t twist things that way if it gives you more enjoyment, for me, there’s nothing about it that feels good.

writing fictional characters off like this, when the narrative is clearly not asking us to do so, feels...frustratingly false, and externally-imposed, as if characters are being evaluated based on the exacting standards of a universe in which they never lived, in a context where they were never intended to exist. doing so requires you to willfully ignore what the story is actually trying to say, and it’s fine to go ahead and do that if you want, but for me it strips away so much of what makes the story meaningful.

bbc merlin’s core plotline is about believing in someone’s better nature. the central storyline is that merlin commits himself to someone who doesn’t always give merlin reason to believe that this commitment is worth it, and yet still there’s always this hope and faith and belief that one day arthur will make it right.

and this is presented as a worthy choice. are there problems with it? of course. the show knows that, and it gives us places to think about that. but even with this being the case, the ultimate message of the show is still never that this commitment was useless, worthless, or foolish. the message of the show is that under the right conditions, people grow. this show says that when we are given deep love, care, and companionship, we can change for the better. it says that people, under the right conditions, can learn how to be better than they were before, and that everyone deserves the opportunity to grow into the person they were meant to be.

bbc merlin is not asking us to cancel any of its characters, ever. that is never the show’s intention. i won’t try to stop anybody from doing that, if that’s how they have more fun watching the show, but i am still going to contemplate, in my own space, how small that makes the story feel for me.

sometimes i see things like ...‘morgana/gwen/whoever is the only valid character in merlin bbc,’ and i just...first of all, neither of them are perfect, okay, and second of all, it doesn’t MATTER, because that has never been the point of the story. this story is not asking us to rank characters on a scale of how righteous/unproblematic we think they are. it’s asking us to CARE about the characters - ALL of the characters - and to root for them (yes, ALL of them), in the fullness of their imperfection.

when i explore the wider fandom, i typically bump up against one of two mindsets. there’s the shipping mindset, where everybody loves arthur and he’s helplessly in love with merlin. but i don’t want that mindset (because i don’t ship that pairing), so i look elsewhere. but the other mindset is an attitude that dislikes arthur, full stop. and i don’t want that either!

this ‘either/or’ divide is the opposite of what bbc merlin is asking us to do with its characters. i criticize arthur all the time, but i still don’t think the story is asking me to reject him. and i don’t WANT to reject him, either - why would i even watch this show, if i didn’t think it was important to see him become who he was meant to be, if i weren’t invested in his growth, if i didn’t ultimately believe in his possibility? if i didn’t think the show was asking me to root for him - not uncritically, of course; the show is never asking me to do that - but with the core understanding that arthur is somebody worth caring about?

the same goes for morgana. the show never asks us to write her off. up until the very end, the show wants us to care about her. the show wants us to root for her. the show never asks us to forget that she and the other characters used to love each other; it never tells us to stop wanting morgana to get what she needs.

gaius, too - the show never wants us to kick him to the curb. it knows he’s not perfect. he knows he’s not perfect. he tells merlin, when talking about his own life, “there has, for the most part, been very little purpose to it.” but the show doesn’t want us to fixate solely on his failures, or to dump him for his more cowardly moments. the show wants us to know that he still has value. it wants us to know that he is doing more good in the world now than he did before, which is all we can ask of a person, in the end. it wants us to know that he cares, and that he is trying.

and kilgharrah - the show is never asking us to hate him, either! yes, i get that it’s funny to joke about how “unhelpful” he is; i think that stuff is funny, too - but i also think it matters to understand that in canon, in the show, we are not meant to read kilgharrah as a malevolent figure. we are not supposed to read him as a villain. we are supposed to care about him. we are supposed to understand that he, too, is working, ultimately, for the triumph of Good. even though his version of this may feel convoluted to us, because kilgharrah isn’t human and can’t possibly be evaluated by human standards, we are supposed to understand that he, too, is trying. we are supposed to be moved when merlin asks him, “what will i do without you?”

we are supposed to care about all of them. we are supposed to find all of them worthy. we are not supposed to evaluate them (and then discard them) according to inflexible, merciless, decontextualized standards imported from a non-merlin-bbc world.

and this doesn’t mean people aren’t still allowed to do that, if it’s fun for them, but for me, analyzing this show outside of its context doesn’t bring me any satisfaction. we can go ahead and say things like ‘arthur should get his head chopped off’ and like, okay, that��s funny as a joke. but as an actual analysis of the show - as a sincere interpretation of the story - it fails. it’s devoid of all context. we aren’t supposed to be evaluating this story from the perspective of ‘let’s overthrow the monarchy, kings should die, etc etc.’ the context of merlin bbc is that albion is waiting for a righteous monarch, and that this is a desirable, acceptable, correct thing, in the context of that world. we are supposed to understand that arthur IS the once and future king, and that this IS a good thing, in this universe, and that the journey we are on here is one where he becomes worthy of his seat on the throne and then ushers in a time of peace and justice for all of albion’s people.

(and as i’ve said before - this is why the merlin bbc finale is so stunningly bad. it’s not that the show subverts our expectations, it’s that it annihilates its own story, which it has been consistently telling for sixty-three episodes.)

that aside, though - this same overlooking of contextual nuance is the reason why i don’t connect to takes that consider ‘oh no, merlin kills people!’ to be evidence that he’s “changed,” “gone dark,” or “lost his soul.” merlin does go through a dramatic (and tragic) change by the time we hit season 5, but what happens to him has nothing to do with the fact that he’s killed people. the context of this show isn’t one where killing is a universal evil. killing in battle or for the purpose of self-defense is not a morally problematic choice, in this world. merlin, like everyone else in this show’s context, understands this, and killing a group of enemy soldiers to protect his own life is not something the show intends for us to interpret as an erosion of his humanity.

what IS framed as an evil act, in the context of merlin bbc, is when someone chooses to kill despite the fact that mercy is an option. if arthur had killed odin when he could have instead made peace with him, if arthur had executed annis’s champion or vivian’s father when he had already defeated them in single combat, if merlin had killed kilgharrah whilst having absolute power over him - those are morally bankrupt choices, in merlin bbc’s context.

we’re not supposed to see things like merlin killing agravaine as evil decisions. in the context of the show’s world, killing agravaine is a necessary, morally uncomplicated act. it isn’t something merlin wants to do, certainly, and he tries to avoid it, and he doesn’t strike back until agravaine tries to kill him first, but ultimately this moment is not supposed to be illustrative of merlin turning down a dark path. it’s grim, sure, but in the context of the show - in the context of the era - it’s nothing more than the justified wages of aggression. agravaine brings this fate down upon his own head. merlin is not a pacifist, and neither he nor anyone else would expect himself to just stand there and let a group of enemy soldiers murder him when he could instead kill the soldiers and get away. that’s nonsensical and utterly decontextualized. it’s not an expectation that anyone in-story would have, nor a standard that merlin (or anyone else) would hold himself to.

all that aside, though -

the issue, for me, in summary, is just that i think sometimes we...evaluate this show in ways that it really isn’t meant to be interpreted, without considering the story’s context or thinking about what the story’s actual intent is. and i think that these decontextualized interpretations are often less generous than what the show is actually trying to say to us, and that sometimes we write characters off when the show absolutely is not asking us to do that.

and of course, nobody has to listen to what the show is trying to say if they don’t want to. if it brings someone more enjoyment to pick one character to stan and say ‘the rest of these characters are Bad People and i’m not interested in them,’ then that’s fine! whatever floats your boat.

it just doesn’t float mine.

the point of this show, for me, is that everybody deserves a chance. the point of this show is exactly what merlin says to daegal in the woods, even as daegal is leading merlin into a trap: we all matter. the theme at the heart of this story is that it is possible to love someone who doesn’t deserve it, and that this can be a worthy choice, a transformative choice, a powerful choice - not necessarily a perfect choice, or even the right choice, maybe, for the person making it, but still a choice that holds value, a choice that creates something good in this world, even at cost.

listen to me, clotpole. i don't care if you die, there are plenty of other princes. you're not the only pompous, supercilious, condescending, royal imbecile i could work for; the world is full of them. but I'm going to give you one more chance.

should merlin have done that?

we can debate that forever. i am critical enough of arthur pendragon myself, when it comes to merlin’s well-being, and i could easily argue that no, merlin shouldn’t have given arthur as many chances as he did; he shouldn’t have stuck around; he shouldn’t have offered so much of his life to someone who continued to make arthur’s kind of mistakes.

but i think it matters to remember that in canon, thematically, the story’s answer to this question is yes. mercy, in this story, is the most noble gift a person can bestow on someone else, and i think we are asked to bestow this same kind of mercy on the show’s characters, heroes and villains alike. we aren’t ever told, in this show, that some of these characters “weren’t good enough” to deserve their chances. we are told that in this world, compassion is always worthwhile. love is never wasteful. it is never foolish to care for people, even and especially when they aren’t yet their best selves. giving someone a chance does matter. choosing to care does make a difference, in the end.

people don’t have to import these themes into their own personal analysis, by any means. but i am still committed to remembering, in my own work, in my own space, that when we raise the question “was it worth it” in reference to whether these characters truly deserved to be loved, or trusted, or given a chance to grow - the story’s answer is unequivocally yes.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #i don't know what this even IS #i'm just feeling so emotional about this show right now #i love it so much #and i can't love it piecemeal #i can't #i has to be everything #or the message doesn't hold #the show doesn't want us to pick our faves and toss out everybody who doesn't measure up #it wants us to listen when merlin says 'we all matter.'

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askreshanims · 5 years ago

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Hmm I feel like the most straightforward easy answer would be 'because I felt like it'.

When I tried to think more about it, I think the answer becomes more nuanced and hard for even me to truly piece together. At the start, I did stickfigure fights because hey, they were entertaining. I was super young at the time and I think that form of entertainment was all that was really impressionable at that age (things like "wow! that's cool" etc). I didn't have the capacity to understand, and therefore appreciate things with more complexity to their themes.

So I did stickfigure animation for several more years after that. As you can imagine, the stickfigure community was 99% combat animations. When you're surrounded by that kind of culture, it became very hard for me to try and imagine doing much outside of action with the skills that I had (drawing stickpeople). And so I just kept doing what I knew how to do, with the main intent of just getting better at it, because I didn't know what else to do, and getting better at fight scenes was what everyone else was trying to do. I had defined my fulfillment as how good I could get within the community.

Around the same time though, I started consuming media like anime outside of stickfigures, and grew a liking to stuff that wasn't just mindless violence. This was also the catalyst for wanting to learn to draw stuff beyond stick people that I've answered in the past. I wasn't very good at it for a long time, and so I stuck to the action genre since if I was shit at drawing, at least I could feel more confidence in the genre of the content. I got roped into the sakuga culture for a bit which made me hyperfocused on spectacle and high-octane scenes. But.. I guess I slowly realized it wasn't really what I wanted. I could get better at fight choreos, I could get better at fluid movements.. but these were goals that I set for myself because they were in my realm of possibility: I felt like they were enough in my comfort zone to attempt striving for them. I know how to do action, so it's just a matter of getting better at it.....right?

I've wanted to create more character/emotion driven stories for a while now. Ever since I've seen movies that have given me lingering feelings, or changed the way I perceived my life, I've wanted to replicate those feelings in my own work. Work that made me care about the characters on a more complex level than just wanting them to win a fight... I guess that's what I also wanted to do. I had experience in making a scene have spectacle, but scenes that've stayed in my memory were only so impactful because there was meaning behind the spectacle. As an example, the lake scene from Evergarden or any of the sky scenes from Tenki no Ko, sure they look pretty enough on their own to make a new viewer say "wow", but the underlying narrative that contextualizes these scene are what gives them power imo.

But if you look at the background I came from, it almost sounds silly. I don't know anything about writing, I don't know anything about character development, I have no experience, where do I even begin-. For the longest time I pushed away my wishes because of how outrageously outside of my comfort zone it was. I was scared of failing, scared of looking like an idiot who doesn't know what he's making, but most importatnly scared that my dream would be unachievable. Perhaps I'm not cutout for stuff outside of people trying to kill eachother. So I stuck around action for much longer than I wanted to. By the time Crimson Alpine came around, I had almost nothing else I wanted out of the action genre. Only the novelties like animating a long take, using a 2D/3D/VR hybrid, and having a non-stickfigure action short film kept me motivated for the project. There were no more burning goals I wanted to achieve, and I even spent a lot of the production of Crimson Alpine not really enjoying the work, and only looking forward to the outcome.

As the years went by, a few things changed. I realized my desire to work on more emotionally driven work grew stronger. From positive reception of nonstickfigure works like CA, I got a little more confidence to try different things. After experimenting with nonaction stuff like Distance and Memories of Gone Summers, I was more interested in exploring these new directions. Most importantly, I think I've gained more life experience and ideas I wanted to express. Another big barrier to making the transition earlier was that I didn't really have much to say back then. I didn't have the beliefs, perspectives, or challenges to really write any story at all (and fighting was so easy to do with no explanation). Slowly I think I've gotten to a place where (while I'm still pretty inexperienced in life) there are a few things that I care about that I want to express through future animations.

Now as a quick aside, I want to say that I don't think the action 'genre' is inherently less important than other genres. Action can obviously still have emotional impact, have good writing and character development etc. It's just that my experience thus far with the genre has been exclusively action scenes. Just fighting with little to no context of the characters, settings, or motivations (things that should work alongside the combat scenes to utilize the genre to its fullest extent). In a way, when I refer to moving away from action, what I'm really saying is that I want to shift my focus from just doing the fighting scenes and work more with the other aspects. And, since I've gotten tired of doing fighting (at least for now), my new stuff wouldn't really fit within the 'action' category.

It's a long ramble, but I think the question deserved a proper explanation. Maybe the answer was as simple as "I liked sad animes so I want to make sad animes". Regardless, I think this might be an experience that I lot of artists go through during any large change in artistic directions. There might even be stickfigure animators out there that feel the same, or are still fearful of stepping outside of that comfort zone. I know for me, I had to get over alot of internal hurdles to get myself to finally acknowledge my own wishes. And, I'm a lot happier now. I'm really enjoying animation, even if I might come across as an embarrassment. Maybe my stories are bad, my writing is bad, my characters are bad...and there's a high chance they are. But at least I'm shit at stuff I want to be making, and I would much rather prefer that over being good at content I have no more passion for. I honestly hope everyone can reach that stage of happiness in their lives, whatever it is they wish to create. This is just my own experience though, not some sort of guideline for how you should feel or what you should do. Just try and find whatever makes you the happiest.

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doakaptan · 4 years ago

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finally, ive lost the plot (and became the main character so here is an episode from the 19th season)

Before you start getting into this week’s blog, I must warn you that this is mostly me recounting our never-ending slow-burning two days of spring break alongside my longing for Stardew valley while I prepare for the Tableau Vivant project.

So when I was informed about the spring break, I thought I’d be able to at least sleep in for once and play a few games I tossed aside to focus on the second semester. (Mind you, It has been exactly 120 days since I played Stardew Valley for the last time and, my mental health has been gradually deteriorating ever since). Even though I’ve been studying here for a while, I looked over the fact that Bilkent never sleeps and successfully suppressed the upcoming projects in my mind.

I surpassed it to the point where I mindlessly traveled to my hometown and set up my monitor without a care to the outside world. I would probably not have cared if the house was burning down as long as I got to play Stardew Valley. I was peacefully tending my crops that were made out of 3 pixels at most when it dawned on me that I had yet to choose a painting for the tableau vivant project. I already had a few paintings in mind so it was not that much of a hassle to choose out of the ones I picked.

WelI, I was so sure that Rene Magritte’s Portrait of Stephy Langui wouldn’t get picked that I didn’t mentally prepare myself to create such set.

First of all, I am aware that we kinda had 21 days to prepare and shoot the footage but, hello this is Bilkent and I like making everything hard for myself so I had 2 midterms to attend, a few interviews aligned and a lot of hearts to steal. So yeah I did not work for 21 days straight (it would probably be better for my mental health if I did but I digress).

So yeah here I am in the middle of a breakdown because I realized that I have only a week left to prepare for a piece like this and I did not find a way to achieve the perspective or make the people or find a model. At that point I did not have anything but my phone and oh- ITS CAMERA IS BROKEN. I did what a mentally okay and ready person would do and cried for a whole day until it backfired and determination bloomed in the pits of my stomach. I was also playing Stardew Valley during my mental breakdown so I knew exactly how long I cried until I passed out.

Here’s my wedding in the game. I was in the middle of the introduction when I passed out so I kinda missed the entirety of it but at least I have a picture of my last sane moment.

While I was unconscious I had this weird dream about the game’s carpenter (which is funnily enough the mother of the npc I married). She told me that I was good at making wooden furniture and if I were to focus on it for the project I would have a solid starting point. My father told me the same thing a few days prior but, he is not a hardworking carpenter nor my game husband’s mother so I had no reason to listen to him.

(Also a little background information about me for contextual reasons: I am good at wood work because at one point, out of sheer frustration at the interior design and architecture department here (eskişehir) I started making couches and mini-sets out of wood.)

I woke up the next day knowing what I was going to do.

I had exactly 6 days to make up for all the procrastinating I’ve done so the first thing I did in when I woke up was to go out and look for a rock. It had been non-stop raining for 2 days and when I went outside the rain became even worse than it was before. So I did the obvious thing and dove into the muddy field of a random construction. The rock is great though I’m glad I was Shrek enough to find it.

Also here is a picture of the dogs that watched me find my inner Shrek:

The rock was the hardest part to get it right in my opinion so I the rest came naturally. I messaged a friend who I thought would be perfect to hang from a ladder for a few times for 1.30 minutes. She happily agreed and even went as far as to study the make up and hair of the women.

So, I only had the set and the two figures left to create. I went to my father’s workplace and used their materials for the greater good. Like I mentioned I’m good with woodwork so once I got the size of my model’s head I was unstoppable. I finished the set-piece under 2 hours and went home to make the figures.

Everything came out nicely with 4 days remaining and I thought I was really done with everything.

but the thing is.... I forgot the weather......

and the non-stop rain was not going to stop because I had a project I guess..

Anyways, I was mentally too deranged to care and ‘borrowed’ an Apple monitor from a university I cannot name in case of them finding me (I will return it when I’m done being sad over being poor thank you).

Here is the test shot:

It looked fine to me so I looked over the fact that my camera was broken and got to work with 2 days remaining and all the lectures fully back in action....

This project was more stressful then I imagined but I loved working on it regardless. I wonder if I would feel more at ease if I had an actual camera and not a malfunctioning broken phone camera but I digress. If I can kind of hopefully make it work on a broken camera I think I can keep up the will to work.

The search for the paintings were a lot of fun too. I’m really interested in surrealism and overly weird settings so I was happy this was picked for the project. Hopefully I learned my lesson and in the future remember it well enough to not make a model loosely hang onto a ladder for dear life and risk a lawsuit...

For future reference... crying and… stardew valley.......helps...... a lot…. 8/10….would recommend..... also.....would recommend........ crying enough to pass out and have a enlightening conversation with a 3 pixel carpenter.

#i went wayyy over the wordcount #are we surprised tho #anyways #im the main character #so here is an episode from my show #tableau vivant

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vaguely-concerned · 5 years ago

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Mass Effect: Annihilation thoughts

TL;DR I fucking LOVED IT, a balm to my heart after struggling through Nexus Uprising! Also canonical lesbians! The sweetest quarian & his badass grandma! Elcor Hamlet except this time it’ll make you cry!!!

- Aaaaaah the audiobook reader is Tom Taylorson (so male Ryder)!! Fryda Wolf (female Ryder) read the two others and did a nice job, but man I’m soft for his voice in a way only rivaled by (...outside-of-Overwatch!)Jennifer Hale and Nicholas Boulton haha. He also has a much better handle on the pronunciations and voices for the different alien species -- delightful, I’m still cackling over his pitch perfect elcor impersonation. (Bioware please give him more Scott Ryder to voice I miss my son)

- I’m only about half an hour in and this is already SO much better than Nexus Uprising, it really does feel like a brave new galaxy haha. Very funny, very warm and smart and engaging in how it does its characterization and Valente clearly has affection for the setting and the universe, she and Jemisin both do incredible jobs with these.

- I’m fucking crying laughing at this cross-species near-brawl over a flower arrangement, god I love Mass Effect SO MUCH (what a neat idea though. something blooming quietly even when no one can see it. impractical as hell and hilariously including a high-nutrition celery now, but still neat)

Taylorson continues to wonderful things with the voices, that volus suit sound is so good. (he’s just generally really good at comedy) also a volus bellowing insults ‘moments before punching an anti-bouquet batarian in the groin’ sdafhjklsahfsjadkhfklajshdfkjlsadhf

- a high as a kite elcor... what a time to be alive, to get to read this book

I have already reached the ‘I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR’ stage with these characters, hard boiled drell detective lady and sweet sweet quarian first officer and manically enthusiastic elcor doctor TOT I would die for any one of you!!!

- The quarian/multispecies ark was built for long-term habitation, potentially over multiple generations. So what you’re telling me is that the quarians are the only ones who fucking thought this through and the rest of the Initiative probably should have listened to the people who’ve essentially been living on arks for ages. Who’d’ve thunk huh lol. (I guess the in-universe explanation is that people like the mysterious benefactor just wanted those arks yeeted to Andromeda ASAP, no time to get fancy in case the Reapers changed up their schedule. Fair enough)

- ;n; petition to let senna have a SAM pls (also uh. how happy do you think the stringently anti-AI quarian pathfinder will be when he finds out about everyone else’s SAMs lol lol lol he’s going to PASS OUT FROM RAGE upon meeting ryder. well he sounds like an asshole, I hope he dies so senna gets a chance)

- I can’t BELIEVE yorrik is an anti-stratfordianist, i am betRAYED! disgraceful, how can I still love you knowing this (and yet I do he is extremely funny and sweet)!!! (at least his theory is that this so-called ‘shakespeare’ was actually an elcor, which makes it better somehow lol. anything so long as he’s not an oxfordian tbh)

senna and yorrik’s friendship is so good and wholesome

- I really love the consistent alien POVs in this book, mass effect should indulge in this more -- everyone loves this universe so much, bioware, stop making us squint through a human lense to look at it!!

- oh of course quarian ‘pirates’ exist, the people who’re thrown out of the fleet must be doing something huh.

- haven’t written that many notes in a while just because I’m enjoying myself so much, I keep forgetting

- lfsdkhfsajkldhfskadjhfsjakdfhsdkjfh communist volus!!!! this is not a drill, communist volus! I am completely and utterly charmed by this entire book

- the quarian ancestor VI is so interesting and weirdly touching. senna is adorable (and relatably neurotic lol)

grandma AI smoking T___________T I love everything about this, she’s so cool. the worldbuilding being done around pre-geth revolution rannoch here... exquisite

- way to make me cry about batarians cat valente ;_______;

- the voice acting is SO FUCKING GOOD! I keep forgetting it’s one dude reading all these characters haha, I caught myself wanting to look up who voiced this dying batarian. (special shoutout that he does so many wonderfully distinct and specific female voices!)

- haHA I KNEW the quarian VI was a full AI (or near enough that it makes little difference tbh)!!! this fabulous grandma was self aware the entire time b i t c h e s !!!!

- the running joke of borbala’s ‘you need ______? I can make _______ happen’ is SO satisfying hahaha

ooooooh serious femslash vibes!!!! initially I thought batarian ex-crime matriarch was too old for drell PI, but this is undeniable. (I don’t think we actually ever get to know how old annex is, anyway, come to think of it) I guess if asari get to be five times older than everyone else and still fuck freely this isn’t really that weird lol

- “don’t look! it’s not so bad if you don’t look!” ofhsdalfhskldlsfjas oh senna baby boy

hey qetsi? qetsi both senna and I love grandma liat more than you. stand the fuck down

- NOOOO GRANDMA LIAT ;______________________________________;

- do you think SAM could meet liat (either ship!liat or just grandma!liat).... and have... a friend ;_________; (a cool laidback friend who isn’t a murderous angaran ai who might very well go the murder suicide sort of friendship route lol)

anyway I miss SAM a lot and love him??

- yorrik noooooooooooo this is awful everything is bad and terrible I love all of them so much why must senna be sad and watch everything he loves fade away 😭😭😭

“Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood/Clean from my hand?” He realized he’d forgotten to preface the words with an emotion. Now they wouldn’t understand what he meant.

Oh. Oh what a way to drive home the sadness and loneliness of this moment f u c k (and again the emotion taylorson brings to it jesus cHRIST)

I’m destroyed over how much senna and yorrik love each other, cross species found family out here wrecking my heart in true mass effect style

- yorrik is such a great character though. he’d be so easy to make a one-note joke character (like most elcor have been in canon lbr), but there’s nuance and depth and just enough satsifyingly believable alienness there. (I love the staunch elcor ‘you can’t call anything love that hasn’t lasted at least two centuries’ perspective haha) his memories of his childhood and disappointment with his profession and everything... goodnight sweet prince indeed :(

- they went and made elcor hamlet heartbreaking how dare they

(to be real for a second I think some of the human culture references are a little bit clunky, but the elcor hamlet stuff is perfect. contextualizing a throwaway joke from the original trilogy and giving it emotional depth, helping us see it from the elcor perspective and how frustrating and lonely it is to be so fundamentally not emotionally understood or seen on a level most of the other races are, despite their other differences, even though you have all these feelings and want to communicate... its very good.)

fun additional fact: both mordin and yorrik have played/wanted to play polonius in a production of hamlet! though I guess mordin is the slightly problematic fave in that duo and yorrik is a sweet melancholic angel who has never done anything wrong in his life, I would say protect him but I guess it’s too late for that D:

- qetsi giving off some real ophelia vibes here, I wish yorrik was here to see it, he’s the only one who’d properly appreciate it despite it all

- I. am. SO FUCKING HUNGRY for more mass effect after this (well even more so than usual) I’m so hyped!! I love this universe so much! I want a new andromeda game with senna as quarian pathfinder and grandma liat as the ship’s AI and see how they interact with ryder and SAM! (honestly though I feel like senna might be the one who’d translate the most cleanly into a game, I think there’s a lot of potential in him that’s barely being realized towards the end there with his deep righteous rage cutting through his uncertainty. also I just want nice things for him. is that so much to ask. he is a good boy, yorrik was so right.)

- aaaah not just femslash vibes, canonical lesbians, this is not a drill! I can’t wait until they propose... ‘we get shit done together, want to be in good cop/bad cop with me until the day we die y/n?’

- the ME universe doesn’t feel quite itself without all these ‘background’ species hanging around, I suddenly realize. I dream of an Andromeda sequel with all of them on the board and in play again Y-------Y

- potential Liat and SAM dynamics are so fucking interesting though! if she becomes/is confirmed as a full AI (all I hope and dream of), you’ll have two artificial intelligences with such different starting points but not that dissimilar goals? Liat was an organic person once who’s looking out for her family even now, and SAM is completely artificial but also intimately tied to and protecting His People. (and pulling a whole lot of symbolic weight re: the strength of familial/interpersonal relationships to boot; he’s the best way alec ryder managed to connect with his children. even though he was dead. because as established alec ryder was a disaster of a person)

- I enjoyed the loose murder mystery structure of this quite a lot, but that might also be because nexus uprising is so shapeless and meandering by comparison that I’d be relieved by anything else (sorry I’ll stop ragging on NU soon it just. took some hours of my life I can’t get back)

- jemisin did great stuff for characters already in andromeda (cora, SAM, alec ryder) and valente made me remember just why I love this universe so much and desperately want these aspects brought to andromeda too... and now I’ve exhausted all the fresh mass effect content I had available to me and will sit here consumed with lust for the rest of the time it takes for a new game to be announced thank you and goodbye

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #mass effect annihilation #*vibrates silently with cravings for more mass effect all while knowing it's gonna be a good goddamn while yet*#thank you cat valente this was a very nice gift

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