#and not because you asked insert unamused emoji here

[piratekane]

wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wipwip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip wip

You're terrible.

Impatience is for the Devil, child. And you are his most impatient creature. Another one of Sister Frances’ charming epithets Wrapped in a blanket that she’s sure feels like raw steel wool, helpless to the whims of nuns who can’t stand her ,and a best friend who tolerates more than she’s worth, Ava has two weapons: her eyes and her mouth. She decides to break out the eyes. She bats them a few times, lets them water just a little. Beatrice’s eyes narrow into slits. “Don’t you dare, Ava Silva.” Okay, her mouth. “Bea,” she says softly. “I’m not asking for much.” “You’re asking for me to write a letter to the enlistment office, requesting you be considered for an experimental program that aims to produce super soldiers.” Beatrice’s mouth thins into a line. “That is… much.” “It’ll get thrown out.” “Then why try?” “Because I have to.” The words come out of her like a fountain erupting. She blinks, the tears in her eyes not manufactured this time.  She wishes she could move closer, pick up Beatrice’s hand in hers— she’s wondered for a long time if Beatrice’s hands still feel like they did when they were seven and running through the streets avoiding older boys looking to cause trouble and Beatrice’s parents ire. She can remember them, soft as the softest coat in Ava’s mom’s closet, and how small they were. Now her hands are bigger, silver slivers across her knuckles that Ava only sees when Beatrice lifts her hands to tuck the blanket a little higher around Ava’s shoulders. But she can’t. She may never again. Dr. Salvius’ program is her shot in the dark.

[austennerdita2533]

Day 2: Adversaries

A/N: Let me preface this by saying that I have a strong, visceral reaction to the phrase "I hate you" when it's exchanged between either fictional characters or real people, but I used it purposefully here. All dialogue. Short. Klaroline bantering. Mostly crack but gets a little angsty toward the end? Maybe? 

(Social Media AU + Texting Crack + High School AU) 

Happy Belated Birthday, Alicea, @klarolinekolvina This wasn’t originally what I had in mind to write for you, but I remembered you like my crack series “The Last Love Life” and this more or less tumbled from me without much prodding.

I hope you like it, ya’ll. :)

(FF.net)

xx Ashlee Bree

I Hate You, I Hate You Not

Caroline: I hate you, by the way. HATE you.

Klaus: Gee, what a heartwarming message. I’m flattered. Truly.

Klaus: It’s an honor to be loathed by you.

Klaus: [inserts gif of a king bowing]

Caroline: Please. Like you have the audacity to be offended after what you did.

Klaus: I beg your pardon, love, but I’m more than offended.

Klaus: I feel bruised.

Klaus: Betrayed.

Klaus: Brokennn.

Caroline: The heartless hybrid serial dater has “feelings” now? Really? *laughing emoji* *clapping emoji* Give me a damn break!

Klaus: My poor, wretched, miserable heart—you’ve cut it out. Stomped it dead.

Klaus: I’m empty and exposed!

Klaus: *music note emoji* How will….how will my heart go on? *music note emoji*

Caroline: Celine Dion? Seriously?

Klaus: What? Not a fan?

Klaus: That’s a shame considering I assumed you loved Titanic. Truth be told, I had you pegged as a Kate and Leo lover.

Caroline: Ugh! See! This is why I can’t stand you!

Caroline: You’re obnoxious af…you take nothing seriously whatsoever…you—you freaking irritate me constantly!

Klaus: *thumbs up emoji*

Caroline: You royally suck, Klaus. And I hate, hate, hate you!

Caroline: Like…have I made myself clear yet?

Klaus: *thumbs up emoji*

Caroline: Omg, will you stop being such a passive aggressive ass?

Klaus: Um…I’m not?

Caroline: You are.

Klaus: Am not.

Caroline: Are too!

Caroline: Like wtf. Why can’t you just answer me properly?

Klaus: I’m sorry, but that was an answer, sweetheart. One of many, in fact.

Caroline: No, it was a thumb.

Klaus: Well, technically, it was a thumbs up. But—hey, who am I to nit-pick?

Caroline: *unamused emoji*

Caroline: Just assure me (in words) that you understand how much I despise you. Okay? That’s all I ask.

Klaus: Oh, for fuck’s sake. How asinine.

Caroline: Do it.

Klaus: No.

Caroline: Please?

Klaus: *glaring emoji*

Klaus: Fine. I’ve surmised as much from your daily dagger stares, your ‘accidental’ elbows-to-my-gut, your “cheat off me and you will-die” remarks in history, and your perpetual (but failing) attempts to keep me at arm’s length. Okay, Caroline? Satisfied?

Caroline: Very. Thank you.

Klaus: I’m also glad you’ve taken the time to spell out your disgust for me in such ugly, flagrant language tonight. I mean—finally! You’ve been holding back for too long.

Klaus: Bless you for finding the courage to be pointedly and genuinely mean after all this time. Bravo!

Klaus: [inserts Etta James ‘At Last’ vine which loops those 2 words over and over again]

Caroline: And you wonder why I think you’re an ass…smh

Klaus: Just remember it was Lockwood who dropped you for that bayou bitch two weeks ago, alright? Not me.

Caroline: OMG.

Caroline: You bastard! How dare you bring him into this!?

Klaus: He’s a choice idiot, if you’ll permit to say so. Didn’t know what he had.

Caroline: This has absolutely nothing to do with him! Nothing.

Klaus: Stop lying to yourself, Caroline. This has everything to do with him. You feel guilty and ashamed…but why?

Klaus: Tell me why.

Klaus. Go on. I dare you.

Caroline: Shut up, shut up!

Caroline: You provoking, presumptuous ass!

Caroline: There’s only one thing I care to say to you, okay? Just one thing you deserve to hear from me…

Klaus: *talk to the hand emoji*

Klaus: Let me stop you right there before you say something else you’re bound to regret.

Caroline: Pfft. Coward.

Caroline: You’re only afraid to hear what I have to say.

Klaus: Trust me, I’ve heard plenty from you this evening as it is.

Caroline: Wtf. It’s like you’re implying I’m hiding behind words or something?

Klaus: Well?

Klaus: Aren’t you?

Caroline: *glaring emoji*

Klaus: Look, ‘hate’ is a strong word—that’s all I’m saying. Throwing it around callously is not only unwise but unfeeling, love, and the only reason I’ve let it slide tonight is because you’re angry, hurt, and confused.

Klaus: Also, I know you don’t mean it. You’re simply…ah, what’s the word?

Klaus: Processing.

Caroline: *middle finger emoji*

Klaus: *smirking emoji*

Caroline: Maybe I do mean it. Ever think of that, smarty pants?

Klaus: You don’t.

Caroline: I do!

Klaus: No. You don’t.

Caroline: And how the hell would you know, huh?

Klaus: Because.

Caroline: Because what? Did you take a page from Edward Cullen and somehow acquire the ability to mind-read during this conversation?

Klaus: No, I just know you don’t hate me.

Caroline: How?

Klaus: Because you kissed me back.

[fumbling-fanfics]

Can we just give a round of applause for @crushed-pink-petals for this screenshot... And how I'm thinking about what else I close to this locations 🍆🍆🍆.

**********************************************

Imagine you're out with family, but Pablo is spending time with his boys and you message home

*Everyone says hi*

He replies with either a waving emoji or something silly like *Pablo says hi back* because that's Pablo.

You also tell him to say hi to the boys for you and that you're sorry you couldn't be there today, but next time you defo all hang out. Maybe you'll suggest a hike or something.

Then Pablo messages you

Pablo: Could of done with you here to be honest

And then follows with sending you those videos of him doing squats with the boys.

You: As if I would have been any help. I could probably only do a squat with (insert tiny dog name) in my hands

Pablo: I needed more weight

You: More weight! Listen old man, I don't need you hurting your back. Contrary to tabloid sources I'm not actually light just because I'm shorter than you!

You recall that tabloid spread that estimated you were a lot shorter than yiy actually where and then a lot lighter than you actually where. It was your typical unhealthy tabloid content.

Pablo: I don't recall you having an issue yesterday morning 😏

Before you can reply your phone is snatched out of your hand by your sister. She places it face down on the middle of table, puts hers on too then everyone elses.

"First one to touch their phone pays for the ENTIRE bill!"

“And what if there is an emergency?" Your sister looks at you, completely unamused at your question.

"This isn't Grey's Anatomy y/n, everything will be fine" she rolls her eyes at you and then signals for a waiter for orders.

**********************************************

So this isn't as good as it was the first time, but tumblr screwed me over and after I hit post didn't post but they ever so kindly and helpful told me to try again. Which also didn't work.

Anyway, whatever...

**********************************************

@honeychicana sorry to take over your ask...

@ellixthea @lovelymari4 @chaneajoyyy @beaminglife @amelatonin @themyscxiras @lady-olive-oil @jojolu @endless00paradise @est1887 @cajunpeach @melinda-january @profoundlynerdywolf @deathonyourtongue @designerwriterchic @itsbqueenthings @alicesfracturedmirror

OMFG did y'all see Pablo Schreiber's new insta stories with him doing squads WITH HIS SONS ON HIS SHOULDERS???? I am slightly onn fire right now

IM SKSKKS YES

WE LOVE A STRONG MAN 😍😍😍 also this is cute and I just...I’m struggling oof

@fumbling-fanfics @crushed-pink-petals SIR PLS