#and pls don't inadvertently put more pressure on me

[shhhh-baby-is-studying]

I get so annoyed when people tell me I'm gonna do great on a test I barely studied for. I know ur trying to comfort me, but honestly it just adds pressure. I thrive on academic validation. A C is an F in my head. So when someone I care about tells me that I'm gonna do great on a test that ik without a doubt I'm not going to do well on, it's gonna hurt me twice as hard when I bomb it. Because you had high hopes for me and I threw them on the floor.

Sorry for this really negative post, but I had to vent somewhere. I figured those following my studyblr or in the community would understand how I feel or smth. The person who said it didn't understand why I kept denying I was gonna great on the test even after I explained what I said up above. My friends also don't understand this mentality and kinda acted like I was being ridiculous and like I should've just said thank you and moved on. My rant is over now. Thank you, and I'm sorry to those who read it.

[clarenecessities]

✨🍀 re: wow toons (idk what that is so pls enlighten me!)

AHAHAHA YES!!!! <-sicko voice

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name?

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC?

these go hand in hand so i'm doin' 'em together >:3c so wow toons are what you call your different world of warcraft characters, of which i have... 12? 15? some multiple of three. i shall describe each of them in turn bc you've inadvertently activated my trap card.

Sétanta - my very first wow character. he's a worgen bc obviously i'm going to pick the werewolf race, come on. i made him a druid bc i heard you could turn into even more animals and this pleased me. He's named for Cú Chulainn (Hound of Culann), who renamed himself that as a kid. I pronounce it 100% wrong, with an /s/ at the start and a /t/ in the middle, but that's what happens when you learn all your words by reading as a small child. i pronounced seamus See-Miss until i was like 16. it could be worse.

Seidrin - As I was fleshing him out i accidentally went way too hard on his mom's backstory, so when I wanted to make a tank she was the natural choice. her dad is the wolf god Goldrinn, who I decided (fancifully) to pretend was named for galdra, one of the kinds of norse magic. -inn being the masculine name suffix, i changed it tothe feminine -in and named her for seiðr magic instead. went with a d instead of a th bc logan very wisely pointed out the "-drin-" mirrors Goldrinn.

Crimthann - Sétanta's dad. I wanted to make a healer and I was like you know what would be really funny? If I named his dad after another guy who renamed himself for an animal. And Crimthann (an old irish name meaning 'fox') is often alleged to be the birth name of St. Colmcille, 'church dove'. so i made him a priest but unfortunately priests are very boring to play so he's... languishing.

Donn - I wanted to make a Horde character but I didn't know how to play anything but a druid so I was like... surely, this will work. I was gonna name him Donn Cúailnge after the Brown Bull of Cooley but it turns out you can't put spaces in the names. But Donn (shockingly) wasn't taken so... here he is! Tauren druid!

Jettion - I was bullied into making a dracthyr, the newest race, bc they have a fun starting quest. Dragons in wow have name suffixes according to their 'flight' (color) and he's a male black dracthyr (who are like anthro dragons) so his name had to end in -ion, and often the black flight's names start with shades of blade, so... it was either Jetion or Jettion, and I liked Jettion better bc it looks like Jettison.

Shannock - We all made vulpera, the little fox people together. but i'd already used the name Crimthann. so I was like 'maybe sionnach'? but if you can believeit some bastard already snagged it. so i went with a rough anglicization. i should play him more.

Lokworg - I've twice been bullied into making a monk bc supposedly they get fun later on & i just need to keep doing quests with my pals, but my pals are much faster than i am and outstrip me quickly. The first monk i deleted bc i don't care about him and honestly lokworg's not doin' much for me either. His name's orcish, lok is song/cry (noun) and worgs are the large, extra smart wolves orcs ride as mounts. More or less 'direwolf song'.

Rumpelteazer - Peer pressured into doing the worgen starting quest & I wanted someone who could learn to pick locks one day, so rogue it was! Originally named Scátha (irish for shade but also kind of an oblique reference to scáthach, the scottish warrior woman who trained Cú Chulainn (and my own pseudohistorical ancestor)), but I kept pronouncing it wrong and was listening to Cats 1998 soundtrack and... well... he's a rogue! and Mungojerrie was taken!

Ulfhedrinn - in keeping with the norse theme, he's named after the Ulfheðnar (singular Ulfheðinn, wolf+what's basically a hooded vest made of fur) that were an appropriately lupine variety of berserkers. I wanted to make a Horde healer and i was like you know... i haven't made this insane little family big enough yet.

Galdrulf - Okay, honestly? He was supposed to be Ulfhedrinn. We were starting with new Horde characters and we were gonna level together, but I got so lost in the customization sauce that I forgot Ulf's particular flavor of orc starts at level 10 instead of 1. So I panicked and made a warrior, and I named him galdr+ulf bc I'm not very creative under pressure.

Fuil - Bullied into making a dark iron dwarf but i'm not clear on why bc we never got farther than unlocking them? guys? are we doing anything with these? irish for blood bc he's going to be a Blood Death Knight. one day. probably.

Tigernmas - I was peer pressured into making a Demon Hunter, whom I wanted to name Crom but noooo, that was 'taken', so I named him after a pseudohistorical king that got himself and 75% of the men in Ireland killed worshipping Crom Cruach.

you know i'm sensing some themes here. a lot of irish. a lot of peer pressuring. jesus christ is seidrin my only woman? she doesn't even use the fpose model no wonder they keep he/himming me

[strqyr]

something something the cat giving away pieces of themself over and over and over and that being their Job, their Purpose - the cat clearly loving the afterans, but also apparently wanting so badly to leave that they were tricked by Alyx, so clearly there's some part of this that doesn't appeal to them. the cat being in the position to make morally gray calls when it's needed (changing the hawker's purpose to buy rwby time, when your purpose literally defines you in the ever after, not to mention that if the hawker gets got by the jabberwalk it'll cease to exist). the cat getting the brunt of jaune's blame, despite their differences being down to a difference in perspective.

the cat is ruby. The Cat Is Ruby. im so invested in them i need the ruby + cc reconciliation so bad it makes me look stupid. and then i need CC to get to go to remnant and learn what it means to be themselves outside of their Purpose. do they like catnip? we need to know.

yeah!! i have so many thoughts just. everything about ruby the cat the blacksmith and the tree and how it's all connected. ruby is Lost she doesn't know who or what she is anymore, she used to know but now? is she a huntress? she doesn't know!! she just wants to go home and the tree can get them (her) there. and the cat is curious, asking questions and knowing answers, able to give a piece of their heart to influence others, a little or a lot, the cat is connected to the tree, taking afterans who are ready to ascend there, helping and pushing them along. the blacksmith is also connected to the tree, forging the new 'you', but they don't force it, it's a choice and even if you say 'no' now, you can always change your mind.

something something the cat is knowledge and the blacksmith is choice and the tree is the way home and these are the things ruby is struggling with; she never chose to be a leader, she was the youngest of her team and she was made the leader by ozpin; when things go wrong she's always doubting herself and blaming herself for getting others involved (even when they chose to follow her, which inadvertently puts more pressure on her) and gradually, the responsibility of being The Leader is put more and more on her shoulders and now she doesn't even know if she's a Huntress anymore, bc things aren't going the way of the fairy tales, the heroes don't win in the end so clearly, obviously, that must be her fault bc she's the leader she's the one making choices she's the one failing.

(it's not true of course, but when you're drowning and you're panicking it's hard to tell if your feet are touching the ground with your head above the water)

you need knowledge to make an informed choice and i feel like ruby needs to reconcile with the cat before she can properly face the blacksmith again, but i fear that's not going to happen bc ruby now has crescent rose, she can put that burden down but she's not in the right state of mind to make that choice yet and not potentially regret it later so OF COURSE it's going to happen.

cat pls come back. i'm begging. remnant's waiting.

[scoopsgf]

I just came by to say that the new chapter is currently making my heart ache and I recognized some of the teasers you once posted on your blog from it, and is it weird to say that they make my heart ache even more now that I have the full context of what they're about? I already felt a lot when I first read them but reading them again in this chapter in between the parts that they connect is so amazing and at the same time /so/ emotional. I also love how you nailed the feeling of complete uncertainty and even loneliness because of the new surroundings in Jess's life. It really does feel like you captured the mood from "Streets of Philadelphia", where the song doesn't sound completely despondent of hope but the lyrics go in a different direction from that, and that's exactly what the mood is when Jess is left alone in his new room after Luke leaves. Also, the contrast between Jess aching for Rory and knowing and feeling like she's the one for him in his life, and the reality of the situation being that he knows how he hurt her and doesn't want Lorelai to mention him in front of her because of everything he did and trying to stay away from her, ugh my heart. I'm a bit more neutral when it comes to how Jess handled things in the sense that I feel so much for him and in the state that he was in when he did that, but at the same time it doesn't completely excuse it, especially from Rory's side since really, she didn't know and she was hurt that he didn't tell her and then left. And I love how even when Jess seems to be so sure about his feelings for her, and thinks of her as "the one" for him, he doesn't try to bother her and even does the opposite by making sure that even his name isn't mentioned to her because he knows that she felt hurt. I'm not a fan of when characters inadvertently put pressure on someone by being all "I'm the only one for you and you will see that!" like first off that's not your decision to make, it's theirs! It's one thing to consider someone else as being the one for you but it's another to try and convince them of that for themselves, and I love that you don't do this even when obviously, Jess as a character never really was like that. Even when he went to her dorm at Yale, once Rory said no he backed away, and that experience is reflected in his way of thinking in your fic.

HELLO?????? I LOVE YOU HELLO??????

also oh my god exactly. like, his love right now is this quiet thing that just aches all the time, but even if she’s “the one” for him, he’s pretty sure he’s not her “one” — at least not right now. everything that he’s doing right now is obviously first and foremost for his own wellbeing, but I think subconsciously he’s still kind of doing it for her, or maybe because of her is a little more accurate. rory was one of the only people to actually believe in him and to stress his potential, and so it makes sense that the inspiration of all of this would be her. and him keeping his distance and respecting her decision to not want to see him,,,,,ugh it breaks me. obviously it’s a good thing that he’s respecting that like you said, but FUCK! it hurts <3

also YES pls i really wanted to nail that feeling of being well and truly alone but having someone (an adult) to miss. I think before this, while Jess was on his own, he a) had Constance like, down the hall and b) wouldn’t really let himself miss Luke, but now he can and. god. i just love the two of them so much i love them.

anyway oh my god thank you for this i adore you???????? im sending you MANY kisses and hugs!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo