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kindlespice · 1 year ago

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🍉 actual hiatus 🍉

hi hi! so... it's been a while! *checks notes* i have not posted since august... of last year x.x i've been lurking around a bit occasionally dropping likes here and there, but for the most part been entirely absent. i feel like it's wayyyy past time for me to check-in, let everybody know i'm okay and all that jazz. but i am declaring this an actual hiatus now

tl;dr

i lost the simblr itch, i thought "surely it will come back" but it never came back and now i'm hyperfixating on other things.

i'm gonna put specifics under a read more if anyone's that interested in what i've been doing, what i will be doing, where i'll be hanging out now, etc. but it's really nothing big or major--just interests changing.

⭐ my content + patreon

(since it's kinda important and i want everyone to be able to see this) i'm not deleting this account and i'm still keeping my content up both on patreon and sfs! you will still be able to download things for free!!! i will be deleting my patreon tier! even though it was basically a donation tier, i feel bad keeping it up knowing i'm consciously not making more sims content (or being really active in the community) for the foreseeable future i'll be reaching out to existing patrons and making a similar post over there as well about the tier change!

i also wanna say thank you to everyone who's ever followed, donated, liked, commented, messaged, lurked or just been sweet and kind to me ❤️! simblr will always have a special place in my heart, so i don't think i'll ever leave leave, but i owe it to you guys to let you know that i'm making the conscious decision to be inactive for some time.

as a closing statement, fk isr*el and i am absolutely 100% without a doubt full stop

AGAINST GENOCIDE AND FOR A 🍉 FREE PALESTINE 🍉

you should be too if you're any kind of decent human being :)

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⭐what will happen to my account?

nothing really. or at least nothing different from how it's been for the last year and some change XD like i said, i'm still keeping my blogs up, downloads won't move, etc. i am just committing to not actively posting content or really being on simblr that much. maybe i'll drop some likes or comments when the mood hits (like i have been), but not really much else. i guess if there's any questions about this i'll answer them since my active attention will be back on simblr for at least a few days while i clean some things up. i would like to do one last thing as a kind of parting gift at some point... i never did end up cleaning up my downloads page or organize the thumbs/sorting for my cc like i said i would so maybe i'll do that before it gets away from me again but i'm not making any promises

⭐why am i on hiatus?

nothing bad happened or anything, i just.... lost interest. I already wasn't really playing the game that much even when i was super active; i mostly just took pictures and did edits. but i just wasn't having as much fun as i used to, opening the game started feeling like a chore, i wasn't all that inspired to make content, etc. i've burnt out on simblr on many an occasion so i just took a break like i always do but it kept going...and going.......and going.........until i realized it had been FOREVER and i hadn't really felt the itch to create here during that time, it wasn't coming back, and i was having much more fun doing other stuff. the times i did consider coming back it was more bc i felt bad about not creating rather than any actual desire to create. so i had to think long and hard about whether or not i even really wanted to come back. and i flip-flopped for probably 6 months--trying to drum up creative projects and never committing--before coming to the conclusion that i think i just need to call it a hiatus XD

⭐what have i been up to?

annoying my family with boycott lists and making them buy alternatively :D bouncing back and forth between many different hyperfixations... i fell back down the skyrim rabbithole several times, genshin, stardew, acnh, made a million notion pages i'll never use--the usual suspects. BUT BG3! at one point i swore i was gonna come back end of july/early aug but then BG3 dropped early and it was over... i definitely did A LOT of heavy lurking here when the girlies were all posting GORGEOUS tavs omg... i spent a while getting ts3 up and running, even made a sideblog thinking "maybe i'll come back with ts3 content that would be cool!"... just to not end up playing and not using the sideblog and not coming back -.- 4LIENS were supposed to have a comeback like... 4 separate times and it just did not happen... i've been making a concerted effort to get back into drawing and art. i've been in a kind of... depression? slump? with it for years now; always feeling like it wasn't good enough, that i should be better since i'm so "gifted and talented", i should be monetizing it and not "wasting" all that skill, blah blah imposter syndrome blah blah getting frustrated when i'm not 100% perfect all the time blah blah feeling like a disappointment to my family blah blah... but i am HELLA sick and tired of having all this anxiety and fear surrounding something i used to love so much so i'm pushing through! i've been trying out lots of different mediums and actually using my sketchbooks and just generally trying to introduce more fun into the process and stop being so hard on myself all the time. i picked up crocheting for a bit. at this point i haven't touched it in so long i probably forgot how to do it but... maybe one day i'll make a blanket or smth I started journalling (relatively) regularly for a bit. i was feeling really down at several points throughout the year and i thought having daily entries would help combat the feeling like every day was just absolute shit. on the contrary, the majority of days are good--at worst mundane--the bad ones just tend to stick out more. trying to get back into reading again... i miss doing it for leisure and taking notes bc i want to and not because i have a 300 annotation school assignment :P and a whole bunch of other stuff probably but it's hard to remember every single thing that's been on my mind for 16 months lol

⭐what will i be doing / where can you find me now?

i'm hoping to start a webtoon/build up art socials in the new year as a part of my "reconnecting to art" process. i made some art socials @kbearie-art here and @/kbearie_art on insta, youtube, tiktok, and twitter; they're empty for now though bc i got scared the minute i made them and never posted anything -.- but i'll be real with you... twitter is a cesspool, and im not fond of tiktok so i think tumblr, insta and youtube will probably be where i'll dedicate my time i've been thinking about getting back into posting videos on youtube again just in general. in fact this thought was the final push for me to make this post bc i was like... if i post a video out of the blue with no word to simblr that would be fked up XD i play games all the time and i had such a fun time recording, learning to edit and stuff that i think i'd like to pursue that further. i wouldn't be doing sims related stuff though bc...well... i don't play anymore XD but other games ya know. my other youtube is kspice (the same place with my tutorials, speed edits, the acnh vid, etc.) if you'd be interested in that

and i guess that's pretty much it!

again, for at least the next couple of days i'll probably actively have my eyes on this post/simblr in general (and i am gonna clear out my inbox hopefully) so if you have questions i'd ask em quickly before i go back into hiding XD

thanks again, i love you guys, free palestine, and have a good new year! 🍉⭐💖

#now...#is it extra if i change my theme right before i leave for an indefinite period of time?#...#it's never stopped me before!#also i hate this knock-off twitter layout i wanna burn it all down #why can't i put a real line in my text posts anymore i--#i take it all back #the tumblr changes are the reason i'm on hiatus #>:|#kspice.text

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a-taut-thread · 1 year ago

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Machines of Wartime AU character study #1: Unparalleled Innocense

Buckle the fuck in folks this is gonna be another long one because I'm passionate about how I characterize them here. Long post again, so more info comes after the cut. Note for reference and clarity that throughout this post UI will be referred to with they/ae pronouns quite interchangeably, so instances of either set are in reference to them.

No real major content warnings here, although I'll give a small warning for self destructive behavior, as well as a more minor precautionary warning for brief mentions of neglect and dehumanization from their admins.

UI is, essentially, a high energy constant stimulation seeker at their core, and a lot of what they do shows it in some way. It's a major reason (along with far less personality shaping going into their generation) behind why they used to be quite mean here before making steps towards improvement. They were never taught a healthy outlet to seek stimulation, so they will try pretty much anything to see what sticks; pretty much anything that gets a form of reaction from others is included in what does stick.

Spreading rumors and other bits of info makes people react, whether good or bad. This means results. People who learn them often further spread them. This means even more results. And when you build a reputation for yourself as "the mean rumor spreader", these results will get back to you all over again. Messages, reactions, more people coming to them to start shit; it's all results and reactions and stimulation. It's an easy way to get what ae want... even if it means people thinking less of aer for it. But hey, can't get lonely if you're constantly too stimulated or too busy seeking more of everything to really think about how nobody quite genuinely likes you! It's easy when you don't let yourself focus on feelings, just shut down any attempts at self awareness!

The reason they're like this, in reality, primarily comes not from being truly mean or spiteful at their core, but just from being built in a way where lack of proper guidance or true care from their creators after creation has left them both feeling a little abandoned ("why bother behaving when nobody cares about me anyway") and physically incapable of tolerating understimulation ("if I'm not doing enough it almost physically hurts"). They have incredibly high processing power; a measurable amount more than even Pebbles, and Pebbles and UI are respectively the first and second iterators of their generation to be created. If they're not using enough of that processing power, it drives them up a wall a little; they genuinely cannot stand being in a state where they're not receiving enough stimulation of some sort. They hate boredom and lack of activity and even just sitting still for too long. Movement, sound, reading messages, running 5 background processes at once, taking on multiple high intensity projects, whatever; it's all the same as long as it gives aer what their systems crave. More stimulation. And saying and doing shit to get reactions is heavily related to that; it's negative stimulation seeking behavior that was never properly taught as "don't do this it's not healthy", because quite frankly aer admins don't care what ae do, as long as ae have a high work output. They're just an iterator after all, right?

And then we come to why they're not really like this anymore, way more toned down in how they act. One big reason is simply time and maturity; they've gained more life experience and kind of just grown away from this sort of behavior in favor of better outlets. They're still young and reckless, but not as overwhelmingly so after a good few decades of time to live and grow. They've seen that it makes people not like them to act like that; even now they still have no real friends due to their reputation. It makes them lonely now that they've calmed down enough to actually think about how others view them instead of living in the moment; they don't want to be lonely. They don't want to be sad. Ae don't want to experience negative emotions, because feelings as a whole tend to be very intense for aer and bad ones really suck to deal with. And they want to get away from these feelings.

Another big reason is because of Pebbles, as was alluded to a little in this post. He's their partner, he cares about them, and they care about him too. For one thing, they don't want their own behaviors to reflect poorly on him by proxy; they're self aware enough now to see that this could happen, and they don't want anyone else to be made to feel like a bad person simply because of being associated with them. They don't want this for someone they love. For another thing, he honestly just makes them feel seen. He can see that they struggle quite badly when understimulated; but unlike aer admins who simply ignore anything that's not work and results and responsibilities, he actually cares enough to help them find a healthy outlet to, well, actually properly stim instead of leaving them to seek unhealthy, and ultimately self destructive since it blows up their ability to maintain friendships, methods. He views them as an entire person deserving of respect, not just a machine with a purpose. That's why they're actually together quite a lot; he's willing to give them what they need to get that stimulation in a more healthy way, whether that be engaging them in direct conversation or letting them constantly fidget with his clothes or just giving them a good squeeze because ae like the feeling. He loves them and cares about them and will go out of his way to keep them happy and engaged and focused on more positive outlets. He involves them in projects a lot because they're actually a very good worker when they care about the task at hand, and they love being delegated tasks to engage with! Giving them more tasks + generally more ideas on how to properly and healthily stim is exactly what they need, and he gives it to aer. It's a big part in why the two of them have a very strong relationship now, the level of genuine care and respect they've cultivated for each other.

They're actually getting a lot better now! They've mostly moved away from the more toxic sorts of behaviors they used to display, since they now have much better outlets. They're not a completely different person personality wise; they're still quite socially driven, and ae do love a good bit of interesting information. They're just mature enough now to not spread things they shouldn't. Ae still don't have true friends really, but they're working towards that and finally starting to gain acquaintances who actually like them and value them for who they are as a person. And they're a lot happier for it; they feel seen and valued and like they have actual reasons to try and be better now. They are loved, they are seen, and they are better off for it.

TL;DR UI is essentially a high powered supercomputer with ADHD that went completely unmanaged for a long time, and as a result they started seeking out negative stimming behaviors. They were never shown anything more healthy as an alternative. They matured over time and were finally shown better stimming methods by someone who cares about them, and it's helped them grow and improve a lot.

#machines of wartime au #these kind of posts are all okay to reblog from me btw #rain world #rain world downpour #unparalleled innocence #rw unparalleled innocence #the rest of these tags are less relevant and are more for visibility but:#five pebbles #rw five pebbles #rw milkshake #rw shipping #character study

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munkiey · 2 years ago

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First of all, hello lmao. I just found your blog because I love lmk stuff even though I'm not very active on this social network, I've seen your amazing art on other social networks, and I wanted to ask you kindly if you could help giving me some tips to be able to promote my art or my blog in a better way or how to get people to see my content more, because I have seen that you have been very popular here in such a short time and I have been here trying for more than a year and I have achieved almost nothing, when I share my art on various sites there are no comments and I don't know what to do anymore, I am a bit desperate because I really want to work on this because I love it, it is my passion and also I will want to have some income with commissions because I need it, so yes I would like to make money doing what I am passionate about, but sometimes I wonder if my art is really good or what am I doing wrong because nobody responds to me when I post something. It was long, sorry if this has bothered you, I hope you can answer me, I feel that it would help me.

Okay so what you’re asking about is marketing. Now in the grand scheme of things bud, I’m actually pretty small. Maybe in correlation to a small fandom I might have made an impression but as the internet at large I’m a guppy compared to some of the big fish. Honestly, I prefer it that way.

The bigger you get the easier a target you are, and the less you’re a person to the people you interact with. Don’t forget that.

The old saying, it's lonely at the top, is very true. The bigger you get the more likely people are to put expectations on you for how you should behave or what they expect. You’ll always be vulnerable to criticism and unable to reach out to your ‘fans’ in a fashion that isn’t either going to leave you exposed or looked at with scrutiny. When it comes to breaking into a fandom though, choosing what your focus is and making sure you have in mind what branding you’re going for. People like consistency and they like predictability. Think about some of the most famous Youtubers today, they’re always updating and they have a ‘theme’ to what they do. I’m a comic artist and wannabe animator, that’s what my content is. I post occasional illustrations between larger projects but as a whole people who follow me can generally expect I have something in the works.

Looking at your message as a whole though I’m gonna give you a little bit of a hard pill. Don’t base your worth off what other people say. Yes, not getting any responses s u c k s. We’ve all been there and we all want to know how we did. In the grand scheme of things artists are a line of lil dogs wagging their tails and waiting for a pat on the head. You gotta find joy in just chasing that passion though. I see a lot of artists chasing clout and not chasing their artistic passion. They base every decision off what people want, or what they think will get them noticed. It’s very hollow. You can make a living in the comic book, illustration, animation, industry and never be noticed by the online sphere as a whole. Trust me on that, the amount of people I see that I know are published and recognized artists in the industry and have almost no following is a pretty regular thing. Again though, that comes down to your focus and what you want. If you want to have an online presence and gain a following, choose your lane, market yourself and keep your social media oriented towards that. Make a character for yourself and how you want to be perceived by people. I’m not always as cheeky in person, or horrific, but I like the humor of it and it builds a persona for me online. If you want a career and you want to chase that dream, focus on improving yourself first. If you keep posting it online, trust me, the rest will follow.

There is no magic pill to making a social media following overnight. There are tricks, things to do to help grow it over time. Marketing classes are a thing and can help. But all and all, I’m also a believer in the fact that, if you love what you do, the rest will gradually follow.

#munkiey #asks

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thecallofthecrow · 5 months ago

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Happy Imbolc and Welcome to My Tumblr!

Hi, my name is Kuro. I'm a Pagan/Witch/Somewhere in that realm who has been practicing Witchcraft since the 8th grade. This seems like something someone really edgy would say, and it's gonna be worse when you learn which Goddess I worship and call "My Matron."

The Morrigan, by the way. The Morrigan chose me, and as Izzy of The Morrigan's Oracle has said, she likes to weave a story. So before we go into the FAQ/Strawman Argument section, let's go into my history.

Why Witchcraft?

In the time I converted to Wicca (I don't really count myself as Wiccan anymore as I don't ft the mold perfectly so I go with the more "Pagan" overview) I was undergoing a lot of pressure. I had just gotten out of a dangerous situation at home, living with people who cared for me, and wanted me to explore my life and what I wanted for myself.

I was also in a very abusive and manipulative relationship at said time, so I was looking for help in all the places I could. I was relaxing at my local library down the street from my school, and exploring the various aisles of books as I tended to do. The library, after all, was my favorite place on the planet. I've always been a reader - and still am to this day - so fate aligned and in a little small town in a very Christian and conservative area, I stumbled upon a book.

This singular book, "Wicca: The Complete Craft" by D.J. Conway came into my hands like fate screeching into my body full force. I had been raised Catholic, but at the time was non-practicing. However, I have always been very open minded. So with this interesting book, and a lot of time to kill, I sat down and began reading its pages with great interest as to what it had to say.

Needless to say, something connected. The open feeling I felt reading the contents of Conway's book filled me with such interest that I then checked that book out and went home to read it.

My Grandparents weren't thrilled. I don't actually know their religious backing, as they were non-practicing and never went to Church. Same for my Dad, he didn't practice actively either, and I wasn't in much contact with him at the time because he was going through his own journey at the time and we didn't intersect much. However, no one stopped me from delving into the pages of this interesting book.

I understand not everyone is lucky enough to have been given this luxury. Had my family been more fanatical, or practicing Christians, or less open minded, I probably would have been forced to return the book and never bring it into the house again. However, that was not the case.

To make a long story short, I converted to Wicca. I kept myself in the broom closet for a long time, before finally revealing at one point to my Grandparents,

"Grandma, Grandpa, I'm a Wiccan now."

They didn't really question me. I think they thought I was going through a phase and this would end. Well, here we are at age 30 worshipping the Morrigan and about to do an Imbolc ritual this very nice, with offerings lined up to go and plans made. I have an Oracle and Tarot deck (having bought my first tarot deck legit yesterday and the Oracle deck years ago now). I have an entire altar now.

This doesn't mean the journey was easy. I posted a Facebook post at one point revealing this factoid of mine, my transformational journey, and my Dad saw it. Pardon my sailor mouth, but he flipped the fuck out.

He came storming over to the house and yelled at me for like, two hours for not asking him for guidance to find the love of Jesus again, for not asking him to take me to church and see the love of HIS god. He was very disappointed in me. The argument devolved, as it always does, into him screaming at me and me calmly responding with reasonable arguments, and then after he left me crying my eyes out because all I've ever wanted was for him to love me. A bit TMI, I know, but I guess Daddy issues are common in this community from what have understood over the years.

But, I did not let it deter me from my craft. I continued working with my Gods and Goddesses, primarily with - who I thought was - Artemis, who turned out to be the Morrigan but we'll get into that when we get to more recent stuff.

I would commune with her when I had time to kill, pray to her, do altar work with her. Some of my school friends, through middle and high school, also converted over. One of these "friends" who we won't get into stole my pentacle necklace, my prized, blessed possession and one way of expressing my faith and beliefs. He would later, in high school, be told to take it off during class because it was "a gang symbol." Even though he was an awful friend who - in the end - got what was coming to him, I was angry on his behalf.

Justice is an important thing to me. We live in an unjust world, as many of you - especially on Tumblr - know to a great degree. There is much discrimination and mistreatment of people of all creeds and birth. I won't get too social justice-y so we can stay on topic, and I understand that with the modicum of personal information I'll give out that I have a certain inherent set of privileges that I am learning more as time goes on I need to keep in check.

These privileges did not keep me from facing some discrimination. I am on the ace spectrum. For a long time, before the whole Wicca thing, I showed no interest in relationships. The one I was in when I converted to Wicca was out of interest for the person. However before that, my family confronted me constantly with the question "are you gay?" At the same time, I am also disabled, with several mental illnesses, however we will get to that in the FAQ section.

I also faced religious persecution, just like said "friend" in high school. When people found out my faith, they reacted negatively, by and large. Oh the woes of living in a non-open minded world. I'll give a particular example that gets my blood boiling.

I was talking to my friend, we'll call her O. The topic of religion came up, one I'm very interested in having studied various theologies over the years. I'm not afraid of backing up my choices, but I am not closed minded to the whole "I'm right and le Christians bad." I had several Christian friends of various denominations, even at the time.

My friend asked some interesting questions, to which I explained my points on. Then some asshole from across the room, who was apparently listening, jumped into a conversation he was not even remotely included with "You are going to burn in hell."

It caught me by surprise, because he was sitting right by the teacher. The teacher kinda looked at him, then at me. I asked him to repeat himself, so he gleefully did. I tried to counter with something, I don't remember what, but respectfully, and the teacher told me to be quiet. She was staring directly at me. Maybe it was a mistake, maybe she just didn't want a religious argument breaking out in the middle of fucking Geometry, I dunno. All I know is, I stopped all pretenses of playing nice after that when people would pull the same shit.

I will admit, I got a little petty. I unleashed my full witchy pride and gleefully told people about my faith and my experiences. I wasn't afraid of backlash anymore, as I had gotten it several times by then. Nor did I stop having theological discussions about the Bible and scripture with my Lutheran friend. We'll call him D. He was very kind always and never delved into insults, but we liked to joke that I was a godless heathen. I still do that joke with my Grandparents and we get a laugh out of it every time.

But never did I stray from my path. I did my craft, I communed with "Artemis", and practiced spells. Over the course of my life, some of the work fell by the wayside, but I always kept my Goddess' requests in mind. Eventually, I entered college, and moved out of home and never had a space for an altar until literally yesterday. But I held faith that all would be fine.

Why the Morrigan? Isn't She Evil?

Alright so let's dispel (heh) some notions right now.

A lot of people find the Morrigan in various ways, and I even got this question today on Imbolc of all days, the celebration of Brig, the Morrigan's daughter.

The way Izzy put it on The Morrigan's Oracle was that "she likes to weave a story." She will often change shapes and trick you into thinking you're talking to someone else. So, since I was a Hellenist at the time, I got put with Artemis, which is weird because I'm a dude, so that should have been red flag number one.

I worked with "Artemis" for years. Called her mom, she took care of me, and all she ever asked of me, no offerings, no requirements, no rituals (as a lot of the worship happened when I had fuck all space), was to fight; fight my battles (which were many and constant) and better myself. She wanted me to get my shit together, which was made harder by me being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Shocking, I know; the person who thinks they can weave magicks is psychotic. We'll get to that, please be patient.

Eventually, fast-forwarding about 10 years after working with Artemis through high school and college, something didn't feel right. I felt doubt for the first time, even after converting from Wicca to more vague Paganism. "Artemis" was quiet, and the few times she did speak up she told me to "keep going." This is something I needed, dealing with suicidal tendencies and psychotic problems. It runs in my family, and we'll leave it at that.

But a couple years ago from around now, I discovered this odd attunement towards crows. I first was afraid of them, as you will hear many worshippers of the Morrigan state. But then, i grew weirdly attracted to their presence. They weren't tellers of doom to me, but a sign. I delved into research, trying to find a Hellenistic answer to the question and drawing up little.

Then she appeared to me. Not in a hallucinatory way though, let me explain.

Her presence was made known to me when I finally found a Goddess linked to crows, who was also known to be a triple Goddess. I had an affinity towards triple Goddesses all the time, yet I never even considered the idea that a Celtic Goddess, with my Irish roots, was even a possibility as a point of worship. But when I made that link, I felt something as I read up on her. I remember at one point I felt like something of a feeling of divine amusement as I finally made the link.

Broke out that Oracle Deck, which I will include the picture of as it is my favorite Oracle Deck (Seasons of the Witch Oracle: Samhain) and put out a feeler. I got a strong answer back, in which she finally removed the mask. It was her, the Morrigan, in full presence.

I was kinda scared shitless because she's often associated with Death itself, and many other bad things. But as research will tell you, she's not really that scary. I call her "theatrical" more than evil. Yeah, in some stories she does some fucked up shit, but honestly, in regards to the Gods and Goddesses of myth, all of them have done something arguably disagreeable, and they usually have their reasons.

So does that mean you don't believe in Artemis' existence? That's kinda fucked up if you believe that.

I believe Artemis exists. I'm in that weird zone of Paganism that says any pantheon probably exists. I have Norse, Hellenistic, Celtic, and various other people who go for different Gods and Goddesses as friends, so I believe their experiences are valid and their connections to their deities are real and valid. I believe anyone who believes any religion should be seen as valid unless they use it to harm people.

Harming people through religion is not alone in Christianity. I was manipulated by some very awful people who were Pagan, and I will never forgive those people for what they did to me. Fuck those guys lol, we'll get into that later.

But as for why I don't think Artemis was really the one communing with me, and it was Morrigan "weaving a story" as some of her other worshippers state, is because all her requests line more up with her than Artemis. My mind was small, I liked Hellenistic beliefs, but my mind was too small to address the Morrigan at the time, and when I finally made the connection, it was the right time. I do truly believe the Morrigan is watching over me.

So what then, you're a worshipper of the Morrigan now? What about other Celtic Deities?

I believe they exist. As mentioned earlier, the Morrigan chose me, not the other way around. Other deities choose their followers. I have a friend whose mom worships Lugh, though she's a terrible person. However, NO ONE FUCKING ASKED my opinion on her, so we'll leave it at that.

I don't mess with Lugh much because any time I even think about him I get this kinda hostile energy. There's others, but the three I'm drawn to right now, and technically one of them is three Goddesses, are the Morrigan, Aine, and Brig.

Okay, can we address some stuff now?

Sure, let's advance to the FAQ section. I'm gonna try to speedrun this because I've been typing for like, an hour or two and I've got shit to do.

FAQ

So you're a Witch, does that mean you curse people and do magic for Satan?

I know this is literally what I earlier joked to be the Strawman section but this one was just too funny not to do.

I don't do curses. A concept I kept from Wicca, which isn't exactly exclusive to Wicca but not all Pagan's believe it, is the Law of Threes and the Wiccan Rede.

The Law of Threes is basically defined as something where whatever you put out into the universe - be it curses, hostile energy, hate, whatever - comes back to you three times in strength. So curses are a big bad. In the same way, revenge magic is a big no no, and some gods, even who reside over Justice, don't like you asking for Justice when it comes down to dolling out your own sense of justice, or even asking for it. Your mileage may vary depending on the practitioner.

As for the Satan question, I know I mentioned all deities probably exist, I don't believe in Satan, or Hell, or any of that. The Underworld definitely exists, as does the Hedge, but the Underworld isn't as scary as it sounds. It's kinda just... A thing. Do your own research on that and don't ask me.

To summarize, no; I don't curse people and worship Satan because I don't curse people and I don't believe in Satan.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You've been a Pagan for a long time, so are you an expert?

Hell the fuck no. I haven't actively practiced in ten years, and even before I was shit at it. I need to seek out lessons from people more informed from me to get shit right and last night during my own ritual I was so nervous i forgot how to draw a star that Kindergarteners learn to draw. The Morrigan was very amused.

Are all Witches in a coven? Are they scary?

Man fuck covens. I was in a coven once; most high school drama ass shit I ever encountered. I don't do covens, and covens with (gasp) men allowed in it seem to be rare as is. I guess that's my gender reveal I was trying to avoid.

Wait how can you be a dude and a Witch? Aren't those all girls?

I will summarize this specifically, and it kinda varies so YMMV.

Warlock is kinda a mistranslated word from my research and means oathbreaker. I identify with the word Witch, and a lot of sources back me up while a lot of other sources say it's a male witch. You choose what you want to be called, but I would prefer to be referred to as a Witch or if you don't feel comfortable with that feel free to just call me a Pagan (or crazy, that's valid too).

You're a schizo, do you really think you can hear your Goddess?

Valid point, but this is different. There's a lot of theories as to the scientific backing of "hearing your god." I feel energies rather than directly "hear" something. It could be nothing, it could be something. I just go with my gut.

Atheists reading this might be like "oh yeah he's nuts." That's your prerogative. Home Button is right there and if you want to avoid the whole entire subgenre of this thing, there's some interesting tags you can blacklist if Tumblr still has that feature. #witchblr is a great place to start with avoiding this content.

I'd like to not get people going into my comments saying I'm utterly nutterly butterly, but I expect I'll get some of that. My advice to other witchs, Pagans, and Wiccans, and everything in between to just block or not engage. Really, as someone who works in social media, they're just giving you more engagement and spreading your content around. This can be a good and bad thing, but you decide what is best for you and don't listen to my psycho ass.

Magic doesn't exist, you're just crazy. Take your medicine.

It's on my desk, I already did, and surprise surprise I still believe in this shit. Chill, my advice to the hardliners is just to avoid my content if you don't want to read it. It'll be better for both of us if you just ignore me, or block me, or whatever you want.

So, what is this Tumblr gonna be about, really?

Let me address this plainly. I'm a creative, and I need an outlet to talk about my faith. My friends are starting to get annoyed because half of them are either atheists or agnostic and don't care or some sect of Christianity and think I'm a devil worshipper ooOooOooOH so spooky.

So I'll publish, as you've seen, poetry that comes into my head after rituals, teatime, communing, or whatever comes across my mind. I will also try to, ironically, demystify the whole thing regarding witchcraft and explain, from both a metaphysical and scientific lens, explain how all of this exactly works. A lot of magic and ritual is more psychological, and not all that crazy to understand, so I'll do some articles on how magicks work. Not in the crazy New Age Starseed psychotic way (everyone say it with me, fuck DOLORES CANNON), but in a way of how all of this works on a practitioners psychology. There is always a logical explanation for why we feel certain things work, even if in reality, it could be mystical or metaphysical. I will approach things from both lenses.

And let me just say, because from my first post you might think I'm a channeler, and that the Morrigan literally speaks through me, I feel more like she's my muse and sends me ideas. I'll be at a zen state and words just come into my head, then I write it down and post it. Some of it might be utter garbage. I never said I was a great writer.

Wrapping Up

Thank you for reading this gigantic wall of text. If you made it this far, feel free to reach out to me any time. I'm seeking out mentors and guides to learn the more ins and outs of more interesting aspects of the craft, and I will always have questions that need answering. If you feel like reaching out, my DM's are open.

All of you have a wonderful Imbolc, and Blessed Be.

Kuro

#paganism #witchblr #black cats #tarot witch #witch #witch aesthetic #witch blog

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bookwyrminspiration · 1 year ago

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(warning: this is... long. i had to put post dividers on this to make it readable. i would have put a read more but i can't in an ask, sorry.)

i think the most puzzling thing of all about this drama is that like.... i've been doing this forever. i've been posting keefe/fintan stuff (not regularly, but still!) since at least feb 2022 on the dolentsnows account. hell, i KNOW i've even talked about tam/linh specifically before then, though i can't remember if it was public or not.

and there was no problem! people just blocked each other and filtered and it was fine!

i'm frankly just. SO confused as to why that post of all things is what set it off. like guys. what.

also, re: "it normalizes pedophilia/incest/abuse/whatever" my posts get like ten notes max, most of those being likes from my dear mutuals who dont necessarily love the stuff i do but still wanna show they support me anyway.

if you'd just think for a minute, i think it's pretty easy to see that no one's gonna be converted into a sex freak any time soon.

and the fact that people are calling me a pedophile for... *checks notes* writing about characters that are the same age as i am or older in relationships with adults is. something. especially considering that:

in all the ACTUAL content i've made, excluding ONE post about alvar being keefe's gay awakening, the characters have been over the legal age in france (my country), so even the "it's illegal" argument falls apart.

why do you immediately assume i'm imagining myself to be the adult here? you don't know what's going on in my life. you don't know my reasons for doing what i do. i started shipping those kinds of ships ever since i was a pretty young kid, and i don't have to explain myself to anyone. (note: i am not a victim of csa, just want to make that clear. i've got other shit going on. but also you guys don't actually care about survivors and it's obvious.)

and fun fact: incest is legal in france as well, as long as it's between two consenting adults. i have decided, right now, effective immediately, that linh and tam are both over 18 in those drawings. since it's legal it means there's no problem right?

all this to say, let's just drop the whole "legal = moral, illegal = immoral" train of thought right here.

i do have one thing to apologize for, though: i didn't properly tag the first post. that has since been rectified and i've added community labels for good measure. i have and will apologize again for that mistake because it was entirely on me. i'm genuinely sorry to the people who saw that with no warning and i won't make that mistake again going forward.

but i also know that there are people who clicked on some of my posts even after i added the community labels and then complained (in my ask box, no less!) and to those i say: just read the tags, guys. they're still visible even with the community labels hiding the post.

sorry for the angry tone, but i am kind of miffed about all this. mostly that it turned into such a big deal when it really didn't have to be.

to conclude: stay strong out there guys, hopefully modern fandom will develop basic internet skills one day.

No worries about the length or tone, you're good.

I believe the reason that one post sparked issue is because, I don't know if you're aware, there's actually been a pretty significant surge in new fans in the past few months following info about Unraveled.

So while you have been here and posting your stuff for a while, for a good chunk of the currently active people, I think that was their first time seeing you. And also possibly one of their first times seeing art/ships like that up close, since keeper tends to be a first/earlier fandom.

Hence the stronger reaction. Though I don't think it's fair to blanket statement say they don't care about survivors. That's the sort of strawmanning/ad hominem talk that leads to shutting down/self-defense that doesn't get us anywhere. We can all rise above logicial fallacies <3

But anyway, the worst seems to have passed, unless we all feel like regressing for some reason :)

#kotlc #kotlc discourse #quil's queries #commonghost #long post #colored text #not responding to everything mostly just letting it stand so others can see #i suspect my blog will be one of if not the last to be fully cleared of discourse #so that heads up I gave earlier is still in effect #i'm not bothered by that I was expecting it/aware it was a possibility #and am fine (at least currently) to be open about it and talk about it and let people talk to/through me

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onesunofagun · 2 years ago

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You know, I'm going to put a thought down because I'm thinking about this again because of the post earlier.

It might be a vent? I think it's more just me trying to describe a feeling so it's outside me and I can look at it.

I've seen a lotta discourse and a lot of theories and different takes out there. There's always gonna be some stuff that's frustrating because it's something Sus being widely normalised, but generally speaking, I think the varied perspective and ideas are always good thing in a fandom.

I've seen all sorts of ideas be explored-- in fics, in doujins and art, in roleplay, in lore essays-- over the years. I like to think I have a pretty good map on the fandoms I've been online and present in since the early 00s. I can usually remember context about how certain stuff came about, like what tropes or ideas got popular when and how, whether through shipping or fanon or mangas or general knowledge about the development process.

When you've been in a fandom a long time-- especially if you have made a lot of contributions to it, at any point-- sometimes you even have a part in shaping certain idea flows within it, yourself.

So I have had the chance to see and contribute to a lot of conversations that have happened over and over and over again, in a kind of generational way. I have seen certain discussions from old forums, translate to fics. I've seen them pop up on tumblr, then tumble to Reddit, then YouTube. I have watched the spread through the general sphere of things, get added to and turned over and re-examined.

For the record: I love watching that process, and I like being part of that process! Mentally tracking the grandfathered in fandom history has also become its own kinda hobby for me.

I've always found it interesting mapping where new fans come in, seeing how they orient themselves and what they pick up-- how and why and what they do with it, whether I appreciate it or not (I highlight biases that are related to harmful ideas when I see them to illuminate them).

Seeing certain concepts be repeatedly rediscovered and watching how certain waves of fans digest them is fascinating. Sometimes with surprising results, sometimes with disappointing results, but it's fascinating either way. That's kind of part of the appeal having been here so long and why I came back into (mild) activity-- I get to study and dissect the fandom behaviours as well.

But despite all of that, I've found I don't really appreciate a good number of the popular YouTubers who focus on Zelda as their channel topic.

I think I've developed a bit of a distaste for a few of them in particular, actually--the big number Zeldatuber channels. Mostly the ones that seem to be the theorycrafters that kinda followed on from a MatPat style format. All of my love to well researched videos analysing the themes and meta, and all the silly boundary breaks and speedruns, mind. But I found I got really disillusioned with the handful of channels that rose to prominence and how their content shifted with that growth.

With the potential to monetise their discussions and discords worth of people and patrons driving this kinda content, I do think a lot about things that have been discussed in the fandom in the past that get taken up and regurgitated as part of that grind. I have lost track of how many videos that have come out of a few big Zeldatubers of this vein gave me a really weird slimy feeling and I am trying to work out what it is.

I'm not super invested in watching much of Zeldatube at large, mostly because I've seen most popular subjects covered in many variations. I'm a lot more personally interested in analysis, rather than theorycraft, so take it with a grain of salt that I may have a bias too (The popular Zonai fixation really doesn't interest me at all, and Zeldatube burnt out on that hard).

A lot of the channels like this seem to present their stuff like it is brand new and never been seen before, and like it's a great achievement in sleuthing or that they've cracked a code-- but not in a fun feeling way. Not in an exciting personal discovery way, but in a way that feels like it's propping up an exclusivity around that channel, and its validity as a leading authority on Zeldadom. There's something vaguely newsfeed-like, or sensationalist about it to me, with tight knit associations to other big channels making the same type of content (and about the same types of subjects as far as I ever noticed, and widely overlapping perspectives).

I wonder if that's a cynical feeling that I have where I'm just being an old man yelling at clouds, but there's really something that rubs me wrong about the handful of top channels like this. Something about the way they generate and present, and potentially profit from, often long running fandom concepts and otherwise freely shared ideas that have had many contributions feels off.

Maybe it's also me struggling to understand the closed off nature of how a lot of people just absorb the series secondhand now, and how normal it is to have the most popular Zeldatube channels setting the tones and assumptions around lore for large swatches of the newer fans. And not because old guard gatekeeping, but because there's an obvious chasm there between new and old fans of the same media that now exists that's seemingly getting wider.

I do sometimes worry about the trend of recycled old fanon staples presented as brand new takes, because of that-- or worse, sold as the definitive take, especially when a lot of people do just accept them and then go off and start arguments because 'big Zeldatube said so' and they must know best.

Sometimes I wonder if the trend is actually adding to issues with consumption vs engagement, in terms of media literacy and fandom interaction. There's certainly some theories, because of these channels, widely taken as a kind of gospel from the 'zelda experts' like the discussion is already closed; mystery solved. I've legit seen smaller youtubers be accused of stealing or copying theories from the larger channels, when making detailed and well researched videos about canon lore. I have had multiple interactions with fans who just link to a popular video and be like 'here watch this, it'll explain it' like they can't even be bothered to have their own take, but they're also not interested in yours.

The way big Zeldatube presents itself and gets consumed at large, though, I guess I just don't recognise that as the same as seeing a new fan have a joyful discovery of something from their own interactions with the franchise and fandom. I realise that the channel runners are fans themselves, but I suppose I mean that the platform feels more like a degree of professional separation that's very closed. It's become 'Zelda is my job now' thing that's focused on interest trends and news.

Something something, decades of fandom interaction and discussion and archiving getting scraped and haphazardly slapped together again for the content grind because clout and profit??

That feels mean to say but--

"Like and subscribe and join my patreon for more content, often mined from various thoughts around the fandom to make up a new video to schedule" is how it often tastes to me and that's not a flavour I enjoy.

Again, by all means, not applicable to the whole of Zeldatube or many fans who do watch the big channels. But this kinda thing does feel like a pervasive and popular part of the theorycrafter channels. Commodification of theory, and exploitative platforms built off a community's back, leave a lot of the big Zeldatubers without my support or endearment. I feel incredibly conflicted about them.

Is that anything?

#shut up hero #its about the big zeldatube theory guys #I don't know I've got some weird feels about it #long too sorry

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zeemczed · 5 months ago

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So, interesting times on Bluesky.

Someone on there pointed out "hey maybe don't use the term w_nd_g_ for your weird deer with horns creatures, that's actually part of an active faith, call it something else." Which is an ongoing discussion that I've seen, particularly started by those of an Algonquin-speaking group, and - yeah, totally valid, right? It's a damn easy thing to do.

So I posted - basically - that it WAS damn easy to not use that term, and pointed out "we've got a cryptid you can use, the Not-Deer." It's not a part of anyone's faith, it's no more sacred than the skunk ape or chupacabra. This is, as far as I could tell previously, not a controversial take.

Things get weird after that. Putting in a break, this post is gonna be kinda long and mildly ranty.

I go back hours later and I've got like six replies. And several replies that have been deleted.

Reading between the lines (and they're big-ass lines), someone came back and started bitching me out because - and get this - the Not-Deer is based on sightings of deer with a particular disease, and as such it would be 'mocking the pain of those deer' and would be WORSE than being disrespectful of someone else's culture.

OP called them out on this. PETA-loving shitgibbon went into a junior-high level meltdown, whining that they should be PUNISHED for thinking non-humans had as much value as humans, and various other levels of grotesque passive aggressive behavior. So I hopped on the shorter end of shitgibbon's rant (the one with one post instead of five), and...

Now, Shitgibbon was not done. They proceeded to lie about the content of the erased skeets, and the OP proceeded to serve receipts (because of course OP had screenshots). Shitgibbon started ranting about how your culture clearly doesn't VALUE animals, I've defended it before but PERHAPS I WILL NOT NOW... going from very thinly veiled bigotry to active bigotry.

My response was the same every time.

Posted a link to that last skeet I wrote, with "Please reread."

Should I be posting this here? Eh, maybe not. It doesn't matter much. Shitgibbon blocked me, I'm now following the OP of that thread, he's got some pretty kickass art.

And I think I'm going to reuse the "Please reread" whenever someone is relying on the same tactic over and over again.

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notasapleasure · 1 year ago

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WIP ask meme

@stripedroseandsketchpads tagged me in this. And oh my god. If you think there are Too Many Words in the fic I publish, you should see my poor notes app. Here is a sneak peek of its contents. I haven't edited for brevity/those I'm actively working on, these are just all the unfinished files I could find. Some I don't intend to do any more with, others I'd really like to pick up again. The only ones being actively worked on right now are the Andor Saga AU and the first one on the list for Andor.

I put ALL the Lymond I could find in mainly for @oughtaagh who has been leaving the most lovely comments on my Lymond fics that I have totally failed to respond to. I'm sorry! I will cycle back round to Lymond one day, it's inevitable <3

Tagging uh.... @distressednoise, @r0b0tb0y, @faceofpoe, @donnaimmaculata, @batri-jopa, @elwenyere, @notabuddhist and anyone else who wants to say I tagged them! Also sorry if you'd already been tagged, I'm not keeping up with the dash very well at the moment!

Anyway please send me asks/comments/cease and desist orders about these. xxx

ANDOR

C: We decided we were thirsty, and you wanted to go to Cavo's. As yet untitled Brassian alternative scene - what if instead of a great collaborative cover story this was a great collaborative fuck? Almost(?) finished?

Saga AU pt 2. This actually does have a working title of 'The Bear and the Berserk' but this doc is just a short bullet point list of plot things for a specific part of the fic.

Cassian pov. It's a Cassian pov chapter! For...drumroll...the first chapter of the Saga AU pt 2! The rest is going to be back to Brasso FPN. The file actually includes a rough first draft of chapter 2, as well.

"You're up early this morning," Bix says lightly. A follow-up chapter to Only Ever Just One Night started back when I had epic plans for continuing this, bringing in Cinta and Vel and Luthen, whumping the hell out of Brasso, and having Cassian rescue him. This is just one scene of awkward conversation with tea though.

Oh god it developed Plot. Related to the previous chapter - a bullet-pointed list of things that might have happened in this fic I Wil Not Write (not least as I'd rather just see what happens in S2 first anyway).

AND THEN WE DANCED

It was a sunny day in Batumi... Patchy few paragraphs of the next chapter of Inchoate.

Plannnnns (again). Plans for how Inchoate would/will continue.

THE LYMOND CHRONICLES

Canon-verse/other AUs

Multiple pieces of follow-up to The next man with a ladder, Danny/Jerott post-canon: It was dark when they rode into the port town... [Chapter 3, basically done, plus most of Chapter 4 but it devolves into broken paragraphs at the end]. "I'm going to the other bed," Danny said in a voice like someone was standing on his throat... [??? there's loads of this written! This is the file where they Get Down To It] Stitch the scenes together [a few paragraphs in which I hoped to make a logical leap from Chapter 4 to fucking, but seemingly never quite got there].

Lymondar saga draft. Actually two files of the abortive first effort at writing a saga AU. I was trying much harder to write in saga style and playing with lacunae in a way that was fun for me but exceedingly nerdy. I think I found the idea more fun than the execution, too.

St Seb. Remember ages ago when I was writing a post-canon 'Jerott gets shot full of arrows and has to admit his feelings because he thinks he's gonna die' fic? This is the file! Some bullet points and some text, some of which I even posted as Sunday sixes way back when iirc.

Fait prosperer qui n'est à croire vain. Fuck me, there's LOADS of this. Pawn in Frankincense/Ringed Castle AU where Marthe steals Lymond's ride with Kiaya Khatun and persuades her they should take over Russia together. Meanwhile Francis is left with Jerott. Hahaha. It kept getting longer because Francis kept trying to escape and I kept finding ways to drag him back, but the 'and now kiss!!' with the two of them behaving in character was just not coming easily.

Francis Crawford's Holistic Inquisition Agency. I wrote this??? One chapter of a Lymond/Dirk Gently AU, where Francis is obviously Dirk and Jerott is a furious/bemused Todd.

She tried every instrument, she redrew every chart. A few short chapters, never finished, of Marthe wrestling with her role in canon and her fate as assigned by La Dame. A couple more paragraphs of a similar sort of thing in Volos.

Malta. Half-arsed few paragraphs of wondering how Jerott would cope with meeting a fellow Knight being imprisoned for sodomy.

Band AU (my 1980s rock band AU for the series, see also @theartistknownaslymond)

Au of an Au. What if, after the Battle of the Bands at Solway, Jerott went to stay at the Edinburgh townhouse for a while and he and Francis got to collaborating in the shed? There's quite a lot of this and it's quite fluffy.

Out out out! The band celebrate Thatcher's downfall. Happy epilogues for everyone! However it's an epic task trying to do all the characters justice, so I was trying to write it as vignettes to match each song on the playlist. Six-ish are written. And earlier draft with plan for characters intercting is in Ding dong the witch is dead.

Jerott/Marthe - four times it just about worked, one time it really didn't. What it says on the tin? aka you just know Jerott has said 'Francis' instead of Marthe at least once when he comes. Only the beginning of the first time exists in this chapter, but I think I explored the idea elsewhere, whenever I dig up that file...

DWTH missing scene. Jerott/OC missing scene from Don't wake the house. Not finished, probably not going to be finished. I think I have enough Jerott smut on the go.

Workshop. Patchy draft of pre-canon Jerott and GRM 'therapy' session in which GRM learns about Francis Crawford and what a hold he has on the boy he thought of as his own plaything. GRM doesn't like sharing.

F/P. Draft of a fluffy kiss prompt someone (@erinaceina? @notfromcold?) sent for Francis/Philippa. Post-canon pregnant Philippa and worried Francis written when it was too hot in summer. It's probably complete enough to post tbh! hmu if you want it posting.

Jerott behaving badly (again). Somehow this ended up in the 'comfortember' section of the notepad, which...no? Maybe it was intended to be originally, but it grew a life of its own. Post-canon, post split-up with the OC, pre-getting together with Danny. Joining the mile high club and regretting it, then ending up crashing at Joleta's (who he meets coincidentally at the airport, NOT who he's screwing in the airplane loo!!). It's meant to end up cathartic, but didn't get finished :') I'm actually really pleased with what I have - post-canon Joleta is so much fun to write!

Somewhere (Google Drive?? an actual Word doc??) there is also loads and loads and LOADS of Pawn in Frankincense band AU around Baron Morgan's place (the Aga Morat), featuring fucked-up Francis/Morgan, fucked up Marthe/Kiaya, fucked up Francis/Kiaya, and bewildered cold turkey Jerott. There's also some Jerott/Marthe from later on.

Other

Crossover. A sequel to my ATWD fic I will shake mountains, where Merab and Irakli encounter celebrity diners in the restaurant they work in: respected musician Francis Crawford and friends take the boys for a drink and share queer/artistic inspiration/history with them. There's quite a lot written but I couldn't quite manage to finish it off.

St Mary's. Another ATWD/Lymond crossover, placing Merab and Irakli among the mercenaries of St Mary's. Mostly bullet points.

3m. Furious that there was no fic for the film Three Months I decided to jot down a scene I wanted to see afterwards. I wrote four lines and cannot remember what my plan was at all.

#often i think it would do me good to fear a wordcount more #my wips #my writing #my fics #wips #wip ask meme #memes #asks #please send asks about any of these!!#long post #:))

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kingwithpaintedfingers · 1 year ago

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An Update on the Status of My A03 Fics!

Hihi! I have no idea if anyone who follows this blog reads any of my fics on AO3, but if you do, then you might like to know what the heck is going on with my fics, and why I haven't posted any updates in over six months.

First of all, I am alive! I wrote a lot of fics in the summer of 2022 when I had just gotten active in a fan server on Discord where there was a lot of encouragement to write fanfiction. In the spring of 2023, I started a medical assistantship course, and in order to keep myself focused in class, I turned off notifications for the server. And then I just kind of...didn't turn them back on???? In my defense, I was intimidated by the amount of time it would take for me to backread everything I missed, and that eventually snowballed into me just no longer looking at that server. I should honestly become active in it again, because it did a lot for my writing productivity. I also have a lot of hobbies both in real life and on my computer, and those take up a lot of my time as well. So that's why I didn't post much last year and haven't posted anything yet this year.

But I want to let you all know, that I do fully intend to complete the fanfics I have already started on AO3, and I do intend to write the sequels I promised a year and a half ago.

So without further ado, here is a status report on the incomplete fics and series I have on my AO3:

How to Live With Fire: One of my most popular fics! I have two sequels planned, and a rough idea of what I want to happen in each of them. Both of them are probably going to be only a few chapters long. The delay on this one is mostly on Part 2, since Part 2 has only the vaguest ideas of what I want to do with it (how Mortarion and Vulkan become a longterm couple, and how their legions react to this change). The trouble with this one is, I haven't read any Salamanders novels, let alone ones that take place during the Horus Heresy. I think I will at least have to read Deathfire for this one. I am praying that I don't have to read Vulkan Lives, since I understand that one has less tasty Salamanders content than I would like, and way more John Grammaticus than I find tasteful. But I will still try Deathfire at the very least, if I can find a physical copy at the library or a used bookstore or something.

A Matter of Trust: Another one that's going to end up being a trilogy. I have figured out what happens, now I just need to read the Plague Wars trilogy, because those events are going to be kind of important to the rest of the plot. Again, I'd like to read physical copies of the books so that I can flip through them easily. I'm going to see if I can find copies of the first two novels through the local libraries. Fingers crossed!

Until the Bitter End: Ohhhh, this one's gonna make me cry...this one is mostly hinging on me rereading The Buried Dagger and taking notes. Much lower barrier for entry for this one, since I've read it so often that I mostly remember where to find the events I'm looking for.

Lantern and the Child: This one is going to have like, a billion chapters. It's going to become episodic for a while, but I'm looking forward to it. In this case, it's a case of figuring out which characters I want to introduce. The idea of it being episodic is kind of exciting for me, because it feels like it will be a fun thing to do, and because it goes along with a writing conceit that my co-creator and I have for this AU, that it's the events of a theoretical (very dark) Pokemon anime.

This Once Nearly Was Mine: This one should literally be the easiest one to complete, I am ashamed that I haven't finished it. There's only one chapter left, and I don't even have to come up with all of the events. Again, this one is going to dip into Horus Heresy events that I haven't actually read, but I think I've heard enough from osmosis that I can skip most of it. I just need to, y'know, actually sit down and fucking write it.

Deep's Embrace: I've got an outline! And I've even got some scenes written out! As I type this post, I am preparing to submit chapter 2. I'm having a lot of fun with this fic, as you could probably all tell.

Anyway, that's basically it for now. If you have any questions, please let me know! And if you have any friends who you know enjoy my fics but aren't following me or aren't on Tumblr, please link them to this post so that they know just what the hell is going on with me.

#my fanfiction #ao3 fanfiction #warhammer 40k #warhammer 40000 #horus heresy #warhammer 30k #mortarion #calas typhon #vulkan

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cryptic-tales · 2 years ago

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Infernal Me // Chapter II The Ghost in the Library

Cardinal Copia x Fem!Reader

After your unfortunate meeting with the Cardinal, things only get weirder.

Content: Fluff, Dorky Copia, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers

A/N: I'm gonna post the rest of the chapter here since I forgot to do that. Playlist for this fic is coming, thanks everyone for reading <3

< previous next>

read on ao3

A few uneventful weeks have passed since the incident. During that time, you've dedicated yourself to studying and completing your duties as a Sibling of Sin. From the job that you were assigned to by The Ministry's administration, to doing other minor tasks, like cleaning the chapel and organizing the books in the library, you barely had any time for other leisure activities. With the anticipated summer approaching, you only found yourself buried under the never-ending pile of assignments that you needed to finish before the end of your course. The Ministry was bustling with life. Everyone was in high spirits knowing that the Summer Solstice Festival was getting closer every day. You wished you could share their enthusiasm, but a memory of a certain event has haunted you for weeks.

Embarrassed and flabbergasted, you decided to not think about that strange Cardinal until the memories of the whole event would eventually disappear. For a while, it actually worked. Not even a week after the whole ordeal, you managed to stop thinking about it almost completely. You found yourself thinking about your Ancient Languages course. Even as you stayed up, studying for exams, the event completely dropped your mind.

Yet, every time you saw any figure in a black cassock, your memories would betray you all over again. Each time you would see one of them walking somewhere and minding their own business; not paying attention to you in the slightest, your whole body would freeze in fear. You either stood or sat in place, not moving a muscle until you could get a closer look at their face. So far, you've never run into that peculiar man again. All the Cardinals you've seen turned out to be people you've never met before. None of them had a white eye.

You could remember those mismatched eyes as they stared at you in shock - the mark of favour. You did your reading on the topic and found out the meaning of the eye. It's a gift from the Olde one himself, one that signified a high position in his ranks. Only granted to men chosen by Him. It was an obvious sign that the man whom you had trampled the other day wasn't any other worshipper of Satan. It made you feel even more humiliated. Why you, out of all people, had to be put in that situation?

Sometimes, you felt pathetic for even thinking about that event still. If the said Cardinal wanted to punish or humiliate you for what had happened, he would've done so already. He didn't seek you out, and neither were you trying to identify him, so it felt silly to worry about it. You couldn't help it though. Your anxiety told you that everybody knew what had happened and they all thought you were a disgrace. Maybe, the fact that you haven't made any close friends in the Ministry so far, was one of the factors that contributed to your current mindset. Even though you had a person or two that you would speak to semi-regularly, you would eat most of your meals alone in the dining hall and spend your time in the quiet solitude of the library.

On a positive note, things started getting better. After what felt like an eternity of trying to fit in The Ministry, you had finally found a routine that suit you. You attended the lectures and worked hard as an assistant to Sister Isabella. She was a kind older woman, who worked as a supervisor of Garden's Maintenance. You helped her with organizing the meetings and schedules for Siblings of Sin that were taking care of the Ministry's greenery. From tasks like cutting grass to maintaining the fountains and plants. It was no surprise that Sister Isabella was often booked and busy. Keeping up with her tight schedule would prove to be quite difficult. You were sitting by a small desk in her office, talking with a meek Brother of Sin named Cornelius. You knew him from your Demonology course. Cornelius was always nice to you but preferred to keep to himself. He was nervously gesticulating with his hands. Trying to explain why he wouldn't be able to attend to the greenhouse in the East Garden the following Monday. Then, a loud knocking on the office's doors paused the awkward conversation.

"Yes? You may come in." You called out. Brother Cornelius found himself at a loss of words as an imposingly tall, masked figure opened the door and walked towards you. Putting a letter on your desk before bowing, the Ghoul left as quickly as he had come in. You recognized him as a messenger Ghoul, one that many higher-ups would use to deliver important parcels and letters. After a quick look at the letter that he left on your desk, you recognized the red wax seal on it. It was a signature of your Ancient Languages professor, Sister Alya.

"What is it, something important?" Cornelius asked curiously, trying to take a look at the piece of paper in your hands.

You hid it from his view, "No, it's nothing important. When it comes to the greenhouse, you need to find a Sibling that will switch their schedule with you." You passed him a sheet of paper with a few names on it. "I suggest you do it yourself, as it would take a long time to do it through me or Sister Bella. I'm sure that would be no problem since you all work in the same groups, correct? When you find someone willing to do that, let me know."

Taken aback by your firm response, Cornelius nodded his head shyly. He looked like he was about to say something before the nerves got the best of him. You gave him a quick smile before putting a few sentences down in your notebook. After Brother Cornelius had bid you farewell and left the office, you found yourself alone again. In the quiet privacy of Sister Isabella's empty office, you pulled out the wax-sealed letter and looked at it for a while.

A million thoughts raced through your mind, making your head throb. You had no idea why Sister Alya would send you a letter, and why she would use a messenger Ghoul. You always assumed they were asked to deliver very urgent messages, you couldn't think of anything urgent that she would need to tell you.

Realizing that you couldn't keep looking at the letter and thinking about the worst-case scenarios, you decided to open it. With a quick move, you've broken the seal and opened the envelope. Taking out the sheet of paper that was inside and reading through it carefully.

Sister,

I would like to speak with you. There's an opportunity that recently presented itself, and I'm sure it will interest you. I'm sorry if this message seems a bit cryptic, but I'm in a hurry as I'm writing this. Please come to my office today after dinner, I want to discuss this with you.

Yours truly,

Sister Alya Clemmons.

The paper felt expensive to the touch, it smelled of Sisters Alya's signature perfume. You stared at the black letters for a long while. You thought about every word before neatly folding the letter and putting it back in the envelope. It didn't sound that bad. Actually, the letter sounded positive. At least you knew you weren't in trouble, but the 'opportunity' that Alya mentioned did indeed sound cryptic. With a more positive attitude, you decided that you couldn't wait to find out.

You managed to finish filling in the paperwork before noon. When Isabella came back from her morning meeting with Sister Imperator, she was in a wonderful mood. You knew it meant that she would let you leave early.

"Finished already?" She asked, surprised. Her bright green eyes shone with some indescribable energy, one that was hard to find in a person her age. "Alright dear, you may go now. Go for a walk, and drink some coffee. Do you have any chores yet to finish?"

It wasn't unusual for Sister Isabella to bombard you with questions. They were always sweet, almost in a concerned grandma kind of way. You found it comforting that she was so worried about your well-being. Making sure that you were eating, getting fresh air and drinking enough water.

"No Sister, I'm pretty sure I don't have any chores left to finish today. I think I'm just gonna head to my room and take a nap," you answered, giving her a brief smile.

She nodded, "Alrighty then, enjoy your free day."

With that, you turned and headed to the exit. The heavy, oak doors closed behind you. The corridor outside was empty except for a group of Siblings of Sin standing by the window. Paying no mind to them, you turned right and began walking to the living quarters. You thought briefly about going to the canteen first and getting a coffee but got a better idea. Stopping for a moment to think, you turned swiftly on your heel and went in the opposite direction.

The weather was chilly and cloudy, leaving everybody feeling a bit under the weather. You were no exception, yawning loudly while pulling your black cardigan tighter around yourself. You felt sleepy, even though you got a full night of rest. It seemed everything and everyone was a bit sluggish, Sister of Sin passing you slowly like barely-awake zombies. Strolling through the hallways, you finally found yourself outside of the library.

The huge archway that led inside was barely lit up by a small chandelier hanging high up above your head. As you stepped inside, you found yourself in the grand library. Looking ahead, you had a view of the labyrinth of bookshelves on the ground floor and no soul in sight. A faint clicking of a typing machine could be heard somewhere in the distance, piercing the silence. Above you, there was the second floor of bookshelves, a skylight above that let the natural sunlight in and a huge, heavy-looking chandelier.

You made your way deeper into the library, passing by study desks hidden between the shelves. You passed by countless shelves filled with religious texts before finding yourself in the secular section. Never-ending rows of books sorted by different categories and arranged alphabetically surrounded you. So far, there wasn't a book that you wouldn't be able to find there. In the small Abbey you grew up in, most of the library’s assortment consisted of books on Satanistic practices and rituals, severely lacking in any other genres. Here, you could finally enjoy some popular literature. That’s why, on slow days such as this, you would find yourself there more often than not.

Tucked away in the corner of the library, on a beautiful ruby rug, stood two armchairs. Both of them were big in size and covered in delicate, red fabric. Right behind them, there was a window draped in thick, brown curtains. The soft cushions of the chairs looked so inviting when they came into your view. You approached the shelves first before heading to your favourite reading spot. Slowly scanning over the titles displayed, your hand lingered over a mysterious book you’ve been eyeing for some time now. Right before grabbing it, you changed your mind and reached for a collection of Poe’s short stories you’d started reading a while back. With the current weather, some murder mystery seemed to be a perfect choice.

You were finally about to make your way to the reading nook. So far, you’ve never run into anybody in that particular spot. You had a few places where you would go to wind down after a day of hard work, this one, in particular, was your favourite. You would change locations often, especially if this one was already occupied by someone. You last wanted to impose and interrupt someone’s alone time. That’s why, when you peeked through the gap between the neatly organized tomes onto the next aisle and saw a figure moving soundlessly among the shelves, you stopped in your tracks. A man adorned in a traditional black cassock was a few feet away from you, yet he didn’t even notice your presence. He was mumbling to himself, looking over the titles on the shelves while rubbing his chin in concentration. You were surprised you didn’t hear from or see him earlier. About to back out slowly, trying your hardest not to turn his attention from the books, you froze. Like a bolt of lightning striking you, you were shocked by a sudden realization.

Your eyes were immediately drawn to black circles of makeup surrounding his eyes and leather gloves covering his hands. They creaked quietly when he moved to place his palm against his forehead, sighing heavily. He unexpectedly moved in your direction and you felt all your insides drop. He walked past the spot from which you were looking at him, and went further down the aisle, before stopping suddenly, clapping his hands and letting out an audible “Ah!”. You watched as he picked one of the books and quickly skimmed through the pages. As quietly as you could, you moved closer and saw his white ghoulish eye moving quickly over the text. The other one of his mismatched irises was so dark you could barely distinguish it from his black paint. Now, you felt the familiar burning of hot embarrassment under your skin. Making you want to shrivel up and die. There was no mistaking it. It wasn’t just some ordinary cardinal, but THE cardinal. You remembered all too well his little pencil moustache and sideburns, the pale white paint covering his face. Feeling like a deer caught in headlights, you began to back away, your eyes not leaving the figure. Despite your obvious staring, he didn’t seem to notice you, or maybe he was pretending to be oblivious. Either way, he was in his own headspace, moving towards the reading corner with a book in his hand.

You were about to disappear behind the nearest bookshelves and dash out of there, when your back collided with something hard. A sudden wave of pain shot through your body, making you yelp. The hard corner of one of the shelves hit you right between your shoulder blades, shaking the whole construction shake. The sound of man’s footsteps came to a halt. You didn’t want to look in the direction of where you assumed he was. You contemplated if making a run for it was worth making a fool of yourself in front of a higher-up. From where you were standing, there was no way he wouldn’t see you leaving towards the main hall. You held your breath and kept your eyes on the carpet, waiting for the worst to happen.

“Is someone there?” He called out, the sound of his voice immediately familiar to you. He sounded like he got a bit startled though, his voice shaking with an almost pathetic edge to it.

You stayed quiet, biting your tongue. Your right hand flew to your face, covering your mouth and nose to muffle the sound of your breathing. Praying to Satan that the Cardinal would decide not to investigate further and move on, you held your breath.

The Unholy One seemed to be having one hell of fun toying with you, though. Seconds felt like hours as you waited for anything to happen when ever so slowly, a head peeked at you from the other aisle. First, you noticed his biretta, and then the rest of his head appeared. His stark white eye looked right at you, the look in it completely undecipherable. You felt as if your whole body was burning, sweat covering your skin underneath the uniform.

He seemed to have relaxed at the sight of you, his features softening. The cardinal heaved a sigh of relief as he came out of his hiding fully. He laughed, waving his hands around as he spoke, “Sweet Satanas! You scared the living daylight out of me, signorina! I thought I ran into another spirit roaming the building…”.

He stopped in his tracks. His mark of favour looked like it was glowing, piercing right through you. You felt small under his watchful gaze.

“Hello, Uhm, Cardinal.” You finally spoke up, waiting for his reaction. “Didn’t expect to see you here,” your hand played nervously with the hem of your cardigan.

“Yes, uh” He began but stopped himself. You wondered if he remembered you from that incident, causing him to act so uneasily. His eyes were now shifting all around the place, looking anywhere but you. He opened up his mouth, looking like he was about to say something, but no words left his mouth. His mannerism was nearly identical to what you saw all those weeks ago.

“So, what brings you here?” You inquired, albeit absent-mindedly. You immediately realised how stupid the question sounded, but you had to fill the awkward silence somehow. You watched as the man in front of you raised his eyebrows, his mouth agape.

“Of course, well, you see,” he stumbled with his own words, “I was sent here by Papa! Yes, Papa sent me here. To, uh, fetch him a book…”

You took a quick glance at the tome in his hands and realized it was one of those cheesy romance novels that were popular among the Siblings of Sin. There was a whole series of the said books by the same author in the library, and you often heard Sisters talking about them during lunch. As soon as he realized that you were looking at it, he hid it under his arm. You could swear his pale face got a bit darker in colour as his gaze shifted towards you.

“I didn’t know Papa enjoyed such literature,” you spoke, “I’m sorry for scaring you, Cardinal.”

He nodded, “No, I’m sorry for scaring you, Sister. I didn’t expect to find anyone here, heh.”

You only dreamed of leaving this place and going back to your dorm. Oh, how you wished you had gone back to your room when Sister Bella let you go. You waited for an opportunity to excuse yourself, but it seemed that Cardinal had other plans.

“I’m sorry Sister. I don’t think I got your name?” He asked politely, taking a cautious step towards you. As he got closer, you could now see that his dark eye was, in fact, a rich green colour. A detail that you seemed to forget about earlier.

You swallowed, about to introduce yourself, when a sound of laughter interrupted you. It was coming from somewhere in the library and getting closer, soon joined by the sound of voices and footsteps. There was a group of Sisters approaching, and for a moment you thought they sounded familiar. Cardinal clicked his tongue, “I think it’s my time to leave. It was wonderful seeing you here, Sister. I hope we’ll meet again soon, eh, see ya!”

“Yes, it was wonderful…” He didn’t even give you time to finish, giving you a quick smile before turning away from you and heading towards the main hall. He tripped on the edge of the carpet while doing so, almost falling face-first onto the floor. Miraculously, he regained his balance quickly enough to walk away. For a man as powerful as him, watching him act in such a dorky way was definitely endearing.

As he left, you heard brief pleasantries exchanged between him and the Sisters of Sin who were approaching. Soon enough, from between the tall bookshelves, emerged three girls. Among them, you recognized a familiar face.

“Oh! Hello!” Sister Erin called out to you, a warm smile gracing her features. “I would say I didn’t expect to see you here, but that would be a lie. How are you doing?”

You knew Sister Erin from your Ancient Languages lessons. In a way, she was the exact opposite of you. Extraverted, talkative and fearless, while you were too afraid to talk to people. Always afraid that you would make a fool of yourself. Also, while you were one of the best in the class, Erin would spend most of the lessons slacking off and doing anything but studying. You knew she didn’t care about her courses, only doing them to get a better position in the Ministry.

“I’m doing fine, thank you,” You answered, not looking at her face. Her curious brown eyes were slowly assessing you.

“You sure? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” She inquired, laughing quietly, “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be mean. By the way, I don’t think you guys know each other,” She said, gesturing towards her companions. This is Sister Marika and Sister Liza, they’re new here. Freshly transferred.”

You smiled politely, shaking their hands while giving them your name.

“By the way, there’s something I need to tell you,” Erin suddenly changed the subject, the tone of her voice getting serious.

Her words piqued your interest. You looked up, searching Erin’s face for any clues on what she was about to say, “What is it?”

“We saw Professor Alya on our way here, she was coming back to her office and she asked about you. I think she wants you to come to her office as soon as possible.” She explained, playing with a strand of her long, black hair. “I don’t know If you’re in trouble or not, but I’d hurry up If I were you,” As she finished, there was some playfulness to her voice.

Your whole face lit up at her words. She must’ve noticed it, “I assume it’s nothing bad then, right?”

You nodded, “Yes, thank you, Sister Erin. I’ll see you around.”

“Sure thing, bookworm. See ya.”

With newfound energy, you held the tome of Poe’s short stories under your arm while making your way out of the library. The corridors were empty as you made your way towards the East wing, your encounter with the mysterious Cardinal still fresh in your memory.

Your feet carried you towards your teacher’s office. The halls were quiet and empty on your way there, save for a few ghouls running around. Once you finally found yourself in front of the heavy, oak doors that led inside Sister Alya’s room, you stopped for a second. Sighing heavily, you tried to get your breathing under control before entering. You’d hate for her to figure out how nervous you were about seeing her. Not to mention you had giddily run almost all the way to the office wing, tiny droplets of sweat forming on your forehead. You hastily wiped them off and knocked on the door, awaiting the response.

Not even a few seconds later, the doors opened, and Sister Alya greeted you with a quick smile, “Sister, it’s good to see you. Please take a seat”.

She hurried you inside, motioning to an empty seat in front of her desk. You glanced at her workspace and realised how meticulously organized it was. Despite being so small and cramped. It was nothing like the mess in Sister Isabella’s office, or as she liked to call it; “controlled chaos”. You sat down in the chair, feeling Alya’s piercing gaze on you as she moved to the opposite side of the desk. The soft, velvety fabric of her office chairs felt pleasant under your palms. You watched as she sat down with a loud sigh.

“The weather is awful today, isn’t it?” She started, taking a cigarette out of a fancy dispenser standing on her desk. With delicate hands, she placed it between her black lips before lighting it. “I swear everyone is acting off because of it, haven’t you noticed?”

It took you a few seconds to realise that she was expecting you to answer, “Yes, Sister. I mean, Professor. I noticed everyone is a bit under the weather today,” You nodded sheepishly.

“Hmm.” she took a drag of the cigarette and exhaled the smoke. Looking at you with her green eyes, she inquired “Say, Sister, do you like when it’s gloomy outside?”

Surprised by her question, you took some time to answer, “Yes, I think so. I like it when it rains.”

In your head, you wondered what it was all about. You came here anticipating some news about this opportunity she mentioned in the letter. So far you’ve been greeted with awkward small talk about the most trivial and unimportant things. You answered politely, but deep down you couldn’t wait to get to the point. Growing frustrated, you moved around in your seat anxiously. Sister Alya seemed to catch up on your very subtle body language. She exhaled the grey cloud of smoke before sitting up straight and putting her elbows on the desk.

“I’m sorry for keeping you in the dark about the nature of our meeting, but you’ll be happy with what I’m about to tell you." Now, that piqued your interest, “Are you familiar with any high-standing clergy members? Cardinals, to be exact?”

“What do you mean by that?” You spoke without thinking, flabbergasted by her question.

“Do you know any of them, not personally of course? Are you aware of the amount of responsibility that comes with this position?”

You stared at her, mind going completely blank. Of course, you knew some of the most popular Cardinals. They would lead the Dark Masses more often than not. Aside from that, some of your fellow Siblings of Sin would gossip about them. Your mind conjured up the image of the Cardinal you ran into on two separate occasions. Immediately, you remembered his shocked face and funny pencil moustache. Shaking those thoughts away, you

“Yes, I believe I do recognize a few of them. I am also aware of their responsibilities. I know they take care of Dark Rituals. Depending on their positions they either work in archives or assist Papa in his duties." you said, your hands mingling with the hem of your habit in your lap as you spoke. Sister Alya seemed satisfied with your answer, distinguishing her cigarette in an ashtray before readjusting her short, brown hair and looking at you.

“I’m glad to hear that. Now tell me, Sister, have you heard of Cardinal Copia?”

You shook your head, “No, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of him or had the pleasure to meet him,”.

“I’m not surprised to hear that. He’s a senior member of the Clergy, been here for many years. He’s not a very… public person, so to say. Not popular amongst the Congregation, but he’s well respected in his own circles,” she took out another cigarette and lit it up. You recalled that during her Latin lectures, she would often take cigarette breaks. You wondered, how did she manage to keep her voice healthy enough to teach Siblings of Sin, “He hasn’t given a sermon in years. Cardinal is a very unusual person, keeping to himself and all. Yet, he is still a brilliant scholar and very successful in what he does. He used to be a Latin teacher, too. For many years, actually, before he climbed up in the hierarchy and gave up on the position. He translated many ancient texts and sermons,”

You listened patiently, wondering what it all had to do with you. You watched as rings on Alya’s fingers glimmered, and then you looked behind her, outside her office window. You noticed that the sun had come out from behind the clouds.

“That’s very interesting, but what does it have to do with me?” you finally inquired when silence befell the room.

“There was a meeting today, of the whole Congregation. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but during the meeting, Cardinal Copia insinuated that he would like an assistant who would help him with the work. I told him you’ll be willing to take the position,” She finally said, waiting for your reaction.

“What? Why me?” You were shocked. It was absurd, how was getting new responsibilities thrown at you supposed to be exciting? You felt anxiety growing in you, slowly making you lose your head. All a sudden, the small space of Alya’s office felt almost claustrophobic.

“Calm down, Sister. I only did this because working directly under a Cardinal is a wonderful opportunity. He can help you learn things that you could never learn during the lectures. Think of it as an apprenticeship.”

You doubted that. The prospect of giving up on your current job for Sister Isabella, and diving head-first into the unknown, was horrifying. Especially now, that you finally got comfortable with your routine. You felt like things were finally getting better. But, the things that she had told you about Cardinal Copia made you stop and think. If he was so respected and such a gifted scholar, then maybe you could learn from him. You heard about Siblings of Sin who had no trouble getting the best jobs in the Ministry after working as assistants for senior Clergy members. Not to mention, the whole purpose of your relocation to the Ministry was for the sake of gaining experience as a future scholar. Almost as if she could see the gears turning in your head, Professor Alya sat back and smiled.

“I see you need to think about it. If I were you, though, I would take it. Of course, you would have to give up on working for Sister Isabella. I know it's hard considering how cosy your current position is, but I can assure you Cardinal Copia is no tyrant. I’ve spoken to him many times and he seems to be a very kind man, albeit a bit strange” She said.

You looked at her, thinking of something to say, “I’m beyond grateful for the opportunity you’ve presented me with. I need time to think about it,”

“Yes, I understand,” she hesitated a bit before, gathering her thoughts. For a brief moment, you thought she was going to say something.

“Yes, is there anything else you need my help with?”

“Oh, nothing. I'm wondering. You know you can always come and talk to me when you make up your mind, yes?”

“Yes, I know that. May I go now?”

As if taken aback by your sudden and firm response, Professor Alya sighed and sat back in her chair. Not taking her eyes off you, she spoke “Yes, Sister. You may go now, and enjoy your day off.”

Something deep inside you told you that you wouldn’t. You got up from the chair, almost knocking down a lamp that stood next to the desk. Embarrassed, you apologised before walking out of the office. Professor Alya shook her head in amusement as she watched you leave, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

“Now, this is gonna be interesting”.

#cardinal copia x reader #cardinal copia #the band ghost fic #the band ghost #ghost bc #ghost band x reader

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