#and there's no heterosexual explanation for whatever freak shit they got going on there

[patheticrafeenjoyer]

hm didn't know "crew" meant "zero friends but one guy you're in a love/hate thing with who blows your back out on the regular". learn something new every day ig.

[danieyells]

As much as I enjoy smut and stuff I do like non-smutty things too, or idk ~wholesome~ crap or whatever. I especially like slice of life tbh like 'what's it like living in this place' 'what's this person's life like' 'what's it like to be this kind of creature or person in this world' i love that shit i eat that shit up

I enjoy regular romance too but i find it idk boring quickly and easily unless there's like. Something interesting about it i guess? Like wholesome, happy, healthy relationships are the ideal irl. You can find those outside in real life. Why would I want my fiction to mostly be like that. You can find nearly anyone with sweet and soft headcanons and sappy relationship concepts like that. And it's fun for a bit but it doesn't really hit like other stuff does.

Like even just having the characters have more interesting dynamics and personalities adds something to it. I like characters like Luca, sure, but for the most part he's got a very. Simple dynamic going for him. He's a Good Person and his flaws sre mostly being shortsighted, too focused on his goals, and being thoughtless, but that rarely results in idk something entertaining or interesting for example. A relationship with him is the kind of relationship you'd seek out irl. Wholesome, sweet, respectful, gentle. But there's not much flavor in that for me.

It doesn't help that while I'm aroace I find romantic things harder to idk conceptualize than sexual ones? Romance is such an arbitrary, made up, ill defined sort of attachment. I understand it's a real feeling for most people but it's also like. . .baseless to me. Sexuality at least has some sort of physical manifestation. But I don't understand romantic attraction much as an actual feeling and no one's ever defined it in a way that told me what it was supposed to be.

This romantic relationship could have been a strong and affectionate and deep friendship. I understand why it couldn't have but also it really could have. I enjoy the joke 'there's no [heterosexual/non-romantic/non-sexual] explanation for this' and all but it's also a very. Limited perspective joke. You can't love your friends deeply? You can't want to kiss or hold them or share a bed with them platonically? You can't imagine other people doing that? I guess that's the common perspective but still.

But yeah my interests are generally slice of life/worldbuilding and idk sexual stuff with some romance i guess. But i'm not so interested in idk wholesome??? Non-intense or extreme???? Things because that's. Stuff you can find irl. I can find friends or strangers who're in or who've had happy relationships and hear about normal, wholesome, happy stuff(and I'd love to hear about it!!!) I live a normal life everyday. Of course my interests are more extreme. I'm content with the normalcy i have so my external interests are the things that aren't so normal. And you can find normal, wholesome stuff everywhere. I can provide it too but it won't draw my attention as much?

Yeah the everyday life of the reader and someone like Luca would be nice and beautiful and stuff like that. But even Kaito would have a more interesting dynamic for example, with his cowardice and his want to try and present himself as someone he isn't, his desire to be your knight in shining armor even though he knows he's a weak coward who can't do that or can't be that. He tries too hard and freaks out if he feels worried that you might dislike something about him or be swept away by someone else and that's how he expresses his love and that at least feels more interesting to me than the simple deep dedication of someone like Luca. One could spin it in such a way that Luca would devote himself to his love the way he devotes himself to finding his brother, puts all this work in to learn to be the perfect lover, is borderline obsessive because He Has To Do This Right It's What You Deserve. And that could be interesting too. But like you see what I'm getting at right? That stuff like that doesn't really appeal to me? Maybe because The Love Is All That's Going On There and I just need something else there.

Idk. I enjoy vulgarity and smut and extreme things because they're interesting things, different things, things you're less likely to encounter or deal with or significantly less likely to want irl compared to more tame stuff. Same with violence, I don't like violence irl, I don't like problems irl, I don't like people getting harmed irl. But in stories and games and fiction it's fun, someone getting tortured is fun, someone in pain and being hurt or abused is fun and entertaining and interesting, something to be explored.

But even that kind of thing can be boring for me! Like I remember seeing kink where someone has their limbs cut off and is mindbroken into being a pet or a fucktoy and that's fun for a bit but then it's like. The same stuff over and over. Same with character death, it just feels like an empty end when it's the focus? I can enjoy those things but idk. I like continuity I guess.

Idk. Just rambling about what goes on in my head I guess lol brought on partially by talking about silly fun stuff with Romeo and Taiga owning their cat selves and their fankid, which immediately followed a brief exchange about Taiga being gentle with Romeo and making him blush which was a direct result of a conversation about Romeo feeling turned on(and disgusted at the same time) the first time he sees Taiga eat raw meat and his face and hands covered in blood and then feeling guilt for masturbating to the thought, and about the thought of Taiga biting him or killing him and the appeal of that danger or even just the liberation of that Taiga could leave marks on his flawless body and that would mean not having to care about it happening again, free from that eternal preoccupation with being perfect and flawless. And how I enjoy all of these different things despite that it may not come off that way.

[venomremmy777]

PLEASE

I just realized how fucking HILARIOUS the KiriBaku subsubplot in the MHA Two Hero’s movie is like-

Think about it. Let me get something out of the way first- There is no heterosexual explanation for them in this movie. Yes, friends can share hotel rooms and attend banquets together, but I’m pretty sure they don’t share hotel rooms with roses and candy hearts, and attend banquets in matching suits courtesy of one guy who someone knew the others exact body measurements- WITHOUT ASKING HIM. Another note- This movie is canon and takes place before the Baku rescue mission/Summer training camp arc.

Now, now that that’s out of the way- Let me explain what I find so fucking funny. As far as I remember, according to the timeline, this is the FIRST romantic thing KiriBaku has done, from what I know. So this would be pretty much like a first date for them-In certain terms. Except the funny thing is the idea of what they should DO for said alone time obviously isn’t mutual. They have different plans, and are oblivious to what the other is putting down.

Let’s start with Bakugo-

He was the one who got the tickets, and invited Kirishima with him. Out of anyone. Invited him on a trip ABROAD to a famous island, so he obviously had some sort of plan. And if he didn’t before he DEFINITELY did when he decided to book them a love suite hotel- I mean, I could only IMAGINE the receptionists face. There is no excuse for the room to look like that- NONE. He had to have done that on purpose and HECK- I bet the love room cost even MORE- So this ain’t even a matter of saving money. And what are love hotels for? Spending ~quality~ time together 😏-

Er, of course- In the most teenage PG manner, considering they are highschoolers. Maybe kissing? It’s up to the imagination but bottom (lol bottom) line, Bakugo wanted to be in a hotel ALONE with Kirishima, a love hotel mind you. Knowing Bakugo he probably didn’t inform Kirishima of this fact (tsundere) , so it was probably a suprise

Now Kirishima-

I can’t remember if he had the knowledge there was going to be a banquet beforehand but I’m going to presume so. When knowing he was going with Bakugo to I-Island, this bruh didn’t even hesitate before buying them suits- Matching ones, may I add. And he SOMEHOW knew Bakugo’s exact measurements without asking him. Either Kiri is a creep or he knew Bakugo’s measurements before this event- Which STILL doesn’t heterosexually explain anything, because why would Kiri ask Baku for his measurements and WHY WOULD HE ANSWER HIM. And Bakugo obviously didn’t know about- Which means it was a surprise.

So let me get this not straight- Bakugo wants to spend alone time with Kirishima in a hotel room, and Kirishima wants them to attend a fancy dinner party together- Simultaneously, WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT THE OTHER IS DOING. Kirishima wants them to be at a party, Bakugo wants them to be in a hotel room, Kirishima wants them to be together in public, Bakugo wants them to be together ALONE- He even tried rejecting the idea of them attending the banquet, obviously finding every excuse not too- Not bringing fancy clothes, complaining. He was obviously upset at the fact Kirishima bought suits for them, meaning he’s going to have to go with him now (because he’s a freaking simp). Which means plans, ruined. Not for Kiri tho!!

I see a lot of people mention the fact that Bakugo is letting Kirishima lead the way- Which makes this even MORE hysterical- Is this his attempt at trying to salvage more alone time with him? I’m pretty sure Bakugo could find the way, but no, he’s purposely letting them get lost so he can have more time with him. And I bet you Kirishima is feeling awkward he can’t find the banquet to make whatever moves on the Pomeranian this disaster gay has planned, and probably thinks Baku is annoyed because he’s “wasting his time” (Little does he know).

SO JUST IMAGINE BAKUGO TRYING DESPERATELY TO GET KIRISHIMA ALL ALONE BUT KIRISHIMA WANTS THEM TO GO TO A BANQUET AND THEY’RE BOTH OBLIVIOUS TO EACH OTHERS VERY OBVIOUS ATTEMPTS AT FLIRTING, PROBABLY THINKING THE OTHER EITHER DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT, OR SEES IT AS A FRIENDLY HANGOUT.

AND IT IS THE MOST HYSTERICAL THING EVER.

[momentsofbllove]

Alright, y’all, it’s time for me to get to the second half of Where Your Eyes Linger. I am anticipating that it’s going to make me feel even MORE things than the first half, because that’s just what these BL dramas like to do to my poor fragile heart. If you remember we left off with Tae-joo being a whiny little baby and making Kang-gook WALK HOME because he got jealous of the date he made Kang-gook go in the first place. 

Let’s see if this idiot can get his shit together. (I’m thinking no.)

EPISODE FIVE:

Okay, he has immediately regretted his decision and told the driver to turn around. There may be hope for him yet!

He’s mad... at Kang-gook... for walking home... after he told him to walk home?! Boy!

Kang-gook may love this boy but he is also tired of his shit.

Okay okay okay. We’re starting to reflect and look at our actions. This is good! This is progress! I’m proud of you, Tae-joo. 👍

So they’re in the same bed again. They definitely sleep this way every night. WHY?! What is the heterosexual explanation for this? There is none. Everyone knows there is none. Except Tae-joo. He thinks this is normal. It's not normal, Tae-joo.

That’s the second time he’s mentioned his mom! Okay, I’ve now gone from wanting to smack Tae-joo upside the head to wanting to cuddle him until he feels better. Kang-gook... go cuddle him until he feels better!

Kang-gook, you won’t even let him cuddle when he’s missing his mom!?

“I’m sad.” BABY!! SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF THIS BOY!

Oh thank goodness. Finally my precious child gets a cuddle. (But it hurt Kang-gook a little to do it and that makes ME sad!)

Okay, I really adore Hyemi. She is so awkward and precious.

HA! ‘You have a bad personality.’ I love her so much.

This is the weirdest game of dodgeball I’ve ever seen. In America we use like 20 balls and it’s like a medieval war zone with people dying left and right. This is so... tame and polite.

Tae-joo is jealous again...

 I love how they’re both fighting for a spot behind Kang-gook. Like, guys, he’s built like a bear, there’s room for you both!

Ooooooh! The betrayal!!!! 😲

And then Hyemi just runs! Good choice. Good choice.

This whole conversation hurts.

Kang-gook, that is not what he wants and you know it! You’ve been repressing your own feelings for so long, now Tae-joo is staring at you like THAT and you want to spar? You are both so useless.

The episode ends THERE?!?!!!!

Where’s the ‘NEXT’ button?!

EPISODE SIX:

Oh shit! That is the WRONG person to have see them. I don’t know what’s going on with this guy, but I don’t like him!

Okay, but now he’s trying to stop Hyemi from seeing them. Is he protecting them, or her? Either way it’s kind of sweet. Is he going to make me like him?

Bonding over disliking Tae-joo. I can get behind this. (Look, I like Tae-joo, really, especially since that ‘hug me, I’m sad’ moment. But he’s arrogant and selfish. He needs people in his life who are willing to tell him that.)

Kang-gook has been in love with Tae-joo for how long? And now he finally gets the opportunity to kiss him and he just...shoves him away. Damn your sense of propriety, boy!

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT EPISODE TITLE?!!!?!!!!!! I don’t like it!!!!!!!

But Kang-gook is very cute pulling Tae-joo around by the wrist like a naughty toddler.

Aaaand Tae-joo is being a pouty baby again.

Oof, Tae-joo is throwing Kang-gook’s words back at him.

‘If we talk about this, we can’t do this for life.’ Oh no! Kang-gook is so worried about losing him. This is not the way to fix it though!

Oh! I did not see a confession coming just like that!

Kang-gook, baby, no! I don’t think he’s acting like this because he sees you as a parental figure/care-giver. That is NOT what this is about.

“I can live without you, you can’t.’ FIRST OF ALL, NO! Second of all, HOW DARE YOU! Kang-gook, what what WHAT are you doing?!!! Why are you trying to hurt him?!

KANG-GOOK WTF?!?!!!!

This hurts and I don’t like it!!! Kang-gook, what have you done?! He’s crying, you’re crying, he’s telling you to leave! SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW!! 😢

Okay, if Kang-gook wasn’t already in love with Tae-joo (even if he’s being an ASS about it!!) he and Hyemi would actually be really cute together. Her little doll is adorable.

‘I’m not having a hard time.’ What the fuck just happened in the gym then?!!! I’m using so many exclamation points right now and it’s all your fault. Not having a hard time. Go apologize to the man you love right now!

He bought Tae-joo chocolate milk. I can’t.

OH SHIT! What happened at the house?!

There is no fucking rest here. NEXT NEXT NEXT!

EPISODE SEVEN:

Okay, so we picked up a few minutes before Kang-gook gets home to the house that has been - what, broken into? Robbed? Worse?! Where is Tae-joo?!!! - and Kang-gook says they just have to make up like they always have before. BOY! You told him the happiest you’ve ever been was when he was IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY! How do you ‘just make up’ from that! Uhg! Boys are so dumb. 😤

Oh god, I was right! Tae-joo is gone!!!!

Kang-gook sounds so scared and lost!

Oh, that bastard! He told on them?!

Oh. Oh no. He was spying on them to protect his dad?

As if I didn’t hate Tae-joo’s dad already, now I just want to stab him in the face with something dull and rusty!

Aww, come on. I get why Kang-gook is mad, but honestly I feel sorry for this guy. Not only did Tae-joo steal 3 of his girlfriends, but then he was forced to spy on them and tell their secrets in order to protect his family. This guy is not a bad guy, he’s in the same boat they are, being controlled by the chairman. Poor thing.

Nooo! Baby, you’re not trash! You didn’t have a choice! Oh gosh, this guy (whose name I can’t freaking remember even though it was literally JUST on my screen) is now part of the ‘I will protect you, you sweet small bean’ club. It includes Tae-joo, Hyemi, and now this guy. Kang-gook WAS on that list, but he got kicked off when he was mean to Tae-joo.

Oh god. Tae-joo just kneeling there in front of his father and his lackeys... he looks so small and vulnerable! 🥺

Not only is he begging his father not to hurt the man he loves, but he also thinks he’s the only one that feels that way and my heart is CRYING!

There’s that ‘do whatever you want to me but don’t hurt the people I love’ thing again. He knows he’s in trouble, he looks so scared and alone, but damn it if he isn’t going to protect his mother, even if she’s gone. This boy!

Oh! The look on Tae-joo’s face when Kang-gook arrived! He really didn’t think he’d come.

He’s really just going to do this, huh? Take on all these people to get to Tae-joo while monologueing about how he doesn’t want to be separated from him. It’s okay. I didn’t need my heart anyway!

Oh god! That eye-contact through the window! Tae-joo looks so heartbroken watching Kang-gook get hurt!

And Kang-gook finally realizing what he feels is love while he’s bleeding on the ground, tears in his eyes while he looks at the person he has spent his whole life devoted to!

He can’t keep his eyes of Tae-joo! My heart!!!

This. Is too much. To handle.

EPISODE EIGHT:

Oh god! He went through all of that for five minutes with Tae-joo! What, to say goodbye?! No!

I want to murder this asshole and feed him to wild dogs! Stop hurting my baby! 😡 (Kang-gook is officially back on the small bean protection squad!) 

The look on Tae-joo’s face as he watches Kang-gook get beaten for him! 😢

No! Don’t go to England! Tae-joo, don’t give your father what he wants!

He sounds so broken and sad and alone. My baby!

He’s asking for one more night with Kang-gook before he goes... 😫

And now it’s Tae-joo’s turn to take care of Kang-gook. I can’t.

Everything about this hurts. Kang-gook finally confessing his feelings in return, Tae-joo refusing to kiss Kang-gook (why Tae-joo? because it would be too hard to live with the knowledge of his kiss when you know you’re leaving?).

‘My dream is to live happily, and I’m happiest when I’m with you.’

That... is the most romantic line... ever. He doesn’t want money, or power, or any of this things his father wants him to have. He just wants to be happy, and Kang-gook is his happiness. I’m just...........

Noooo! He doesn’t even say goodbye one last time?! He just leaves when he thinks Kang-gook is sleeping?!

Kang-gook’s just waiting for him to come back but he DOESN’T! 😭

What... is happening? What is going on? I’m very confused. There was a strange scene at the end of the last episode that I thought was, like... a preview for this one... but now Kang-gook is leaving the Choi’s restaurant. When did he start working there in the first place? I’m very confused. (Also... I’m sorry... that yellow sweater... is awful on him. Like... it’s so bad? And that hair cut... is so bad. This whole look on him is not good. Not good.)

Wait... are Hyemi and the not-bad-guy dating? Okay, that’s kind of cute.

Oh, ouch. Hyemi’s mom is brutal.

Aaw, and him and Kang-gook are friends now. That’s cute. But also confusing! How long has it been since Tae-joo left? It JUST happened, but everything’s changed, so time must have passed. Did I miss something?

Kang-gook: *beats the crap out of 3 trained bodyguards* Mrs. Choi: our Gook-y is so weak and frail!

Oh now they tell us! Three years?! I am not okay with this! Going to Japan to FORGET Tae-joo? I’m REALLY not okay with this! 😟

Oh god, he looks so much better this way. The blazer, the hair... so much better!

Seriously, he looks like a completely different person. He’s a very attractive man. That restaurant look was just.. so not good for him.

Oh!

Tae-joo came back for him just like he promised!!!

Haha! Yes, Tae-joo. Yes, he did get more handsome!

Yes, please run away together...

Aaaaah the ear rub! My heart! 🥰

YES! Kang-gook, get your man!

Oh gosh, is there anything better than smiling into a kiss because you’re so happy? Now I’M so happy! 💖💖💖

Okay, wow. That last episode was a damn roller coaster! This show definitely would have benefited from another hour or two to really explore a lot of these plot points, especially the three years they were apart. But I’ve read that just getting this show made in the first place was a huge success for LGBTQ+ representation in South Korea, so honestly everything this show was, was so good! So so good! (I also hear that the same production company is coming out with another one, Mr. Heart, so I’ll be looking for that one!)

[sun-summoning]

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv | part v | part vi

part vii: in which sasuke gains an ally

The next morning, Sasuke woke up in a sea of multiple unnecessary pillows. He hated beds like that. Like what was the point. Those tiny pillows were mostly annoying and not good enough for sleeping on or cuddling. 

He fought through the purple blanket he was swaddled in and when he turned to the side, he saw Naruto on the other end of the bed. He groaned, waking Naruto up. 

Naruto blinked, confused and disoriented and probably just as hungover. “Did we...have sex?”

“What?” Sure, Sasuke got a little too wasted the night before, but he had a pretty good memory of the events that led up to him falling asleep on the balcony among a stranger and his succulents. “No, you idiot!”

“Oh, thank god.”

They heard a snort and looked to the doorway, finding Ino leaning against the frame with a bowl of cereal in her hands. She spooned some into her mouth, regarding them groggily. “You guys are still here?”

“We’re leaving now.”

“Good.” Ino gave Sasuke a look full of distaste that was easy to miss through all the aching his head and arms and legs felt. “You’re an asshole, Sasuke.”

Sasuke shrugged and wondered if she had a point. “Okay?”

“Like how dare you--”

“Not that I disagree,” Naruto cut in, “but what did he do?”

“What did he do? Ha!” Ino put her bowl down so she could cross her arms to fully embrace the full on bitch look she was probably going for. “He got too drunk!”

“That’s a thing?”

“And then he made my friend take care of him all night!”

“Ooooooh!” Naruto crowed, waggling his eyebrows.

But Ino smacked his arm. “Not like that, you perv.” Ino rolled her eyes. “No, asshole over here got so drunk and passed out on my balcony so Sakura had to take care of you.”

Sasuke considered Ino’s words, ready to tell her that she was as delusional as she was shrill, but then realized that shit, wait, hold up. She was right. Sasuke got drunk. Sasuke got super drunk. So drunk that he couldn’t really walk anymore and that he got overly warm but his sweater was too much of a pain to remove so he just dealt with it and then he found some succulents and he promised them a good home but then he failed them and then he failed himself and then some girl came by and she gave him water and she was really nice and she had pink hair and--

“Wait.” It took Sasuke a little longer to process the information. “Your friend took care of me? Your friend...Sakura?”

“Yes.”

“Sakura.”

“Yes. Why?”

Sakura. Ino’s friend Sakura. Sasuke didn’t think Ino had many friends named Sakura. It was a wonder she had any friends at all, really, with how loud and obnoxious she was. But Sakura. Sakura.

Sasuke got too drunk and adopted some succulents and right when he was going to take them with him on his quest for true love or whatever, Tinder Girl found him instead of him finding her. Tinder Girl touched his cheek and gave him water and he fell asleep on her shoulder. 

Sasuke felt like he was going to faint, so it was a good thing he was still in the bed.

“Your drunk ass moved around all my plants -- one of which is missing, by the way!” Ino complained. Tired of standing, she sits down beside Naruto. “Then you fell asleep! You’re lucky she’s ridiculously strong because I would have left you outside overnight.”

Sasuke’s breath quickened as he recalled Tinder Girl declaring she could benchpress him. And calling him scrawny. Did she call him scrawny? He wasn’t scrawny. 

“She had to haul your ass here,” Ino continued, gesturing to the purple bed that Sasuke now realized was probably hers. Then she turned and glared at Naruto. “And then for whatever reason you came and joined him and I had to sleep on the couch!”

“Sorry?”

“You better be.”

Ino and Naruto ran through their usual banter as Sasuke tried to process everything. Tinder Girl was there. Tinder Girl was with him last night, talking to him and checking on him and then helping him find somewhere safe to sleep. Sasuke shook his head and when he looked to the side, he found the succulent that he’d chosen as his favourite on the night stand beside his phone and wallet. Even better, Tinder Girl had plugged his phone in to Ino’s charger.

Damn, this girl was perfect.

“I have to go,” Sasuke said, shooting up from the bed. He pocketed his things and gently picked up the succulent, manoeuvring it so Ino wouldn’t notice him plant-napping it.

“Where are you going?” Naruto asked.

“Tinder Girl. I need to find her.”

“Who the heck is Tinder Girl?” Ino shook her head. “And since when did you use Tinder?” Her voice takes a different tone, the way someone’s might when they’re obviously lying about something they already know. Sasuke would call her out but he has bigger problems to deal with.

“Wait. Where’s my other shoe?”

-

Soon after, the three of them went out for breakfast. Sasuke pointed out that Ino already had breakfast so Naruto clarified that while he and Sasuke were getting breakfast, Ino was getting second breakfast and that was okay too. Naruto and Ino sat beside each other and while Ino made a show of saying she wasn’t hungry whilst making sure Naruto was getting something she liked enough that she could steal from his plate, Sasuke kept busy by scrolling through people’s photos from last night and then watching some Snap stories.

“Why are you doing that?” Ino asked.

“Because maybe she’ll be in the background.”

“Who?”

“Tinder Girl.”

Sasuke hadn’t even looked at her through that entire exchange, so Ino turned to Naruto for an explanation.

“The love of his life,” Naruto said.

“Oh, yes, great.” Ino smiled primly. “So helpful. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“I was being sarcastic!”

“I found her!” Sasuke slapped the table in his excitement, getting the attention of the other people around him. He didn’t notice though, too busy holding his phone out for Naruto and Ino to see. 

“That’s...Sakura.”

“Yes.”

“Sakura Haruno.”

“Yes.”

“She’s my best friend.”

“Yes.” Sasuke looked like he swallowed something particularly sour. “I am aware.”

“I...I love her.”

“Wait.” Naruto frowned. “What kind of love?”

Ino smiled and winked at him. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Well, now I’m definitely going to worry about. Ino, I’m sorry, but if you stand in the way of my best friend finding the love of his life, I’m going to have to fight you.”

“Oh, relax. Tragically, she and I are both heterosexual.” Then she looked back at Sasuke, her serious face back on. “But you. What the fuck are you doing?”

“Yeah, Sasuke.” Naruto snickered. He obviously found amusement in Sasuke’s discomfort. “Tell Ino what you’re doing.”

Sasuke glared at Naruto and kicked him under the table for good measure, but then Ino yelped and Sasuke realized he kicked her instead. He figured he should apologize, but since it was just Ino, he decided not to bother wasting the breath. 

What was he doing? 

He was trying to use all the resources available to find the woman who eluded him. 

He was trying to find true love. 

He was...trying to win a bet to prove that he wasn’t a complete failure. Sure, those weren’t Itachi’s words, but Sasuke could hear subtext when it was there. In that moment, Sasuke almost laughed, because it hadn’t occurred to him in quite some time that his search was largely sparked by Itachi offering to pay his rent if he could do this because he didn’t think Sasuke could. So did that mean he wasn’t doing this for true love? Was he doing this for true spite? Was he doing all this to spite Itachi? 

Sasuke considered his actions so far -- freaking out Hinata (although to be fair she just lacked a spice), breaking in to Juugo’s house (but like seriously lock your door), whoring out Naruto (granted that was a failure) -- and decided that spite wouldn’t exactly be very surprising as a motivator. 

Or maybe he was just obsessive? 

His mother always said he had a one track mind, but not in the way Naruto did in his endless to chase anything with a skirt. No, he just...fixated. Not very frequently, but when he had a goal in mind, Sasuke stuck to it and did whatever he needed to accomplish it. Maybe he wasn’t trying to spite Itachi. Maybe he was trying to prove something to himself? So was that just selfish then? 

Honestly, did any of this even matter? 

During his moment of reflection, Naruto deigned to recap Ino on everything, starting with Sasuke accidentally swiping left for Sakura on Tinder and all the other wonderful things that happened after. 

“So you found Sakura on Tinder, huh...”

Naruto made sure to include every embarrassing fact, but Ino was too busy pursing her lips and looking down at her breakfast. Or, technically, her second breakfast.

“Why do you look like that?” Sasuke asked. He gestured to her with his cup of coffee. “All...constipated. Contemplative. Whatever.”

Ino took a bite out of her toast and gave him the finger. She looked like she wanted to tell him something important. She reminded him of that one asshole in every zombie movie who got infected but didn’t tell anyone and was thus putting everyone at risk. 

What was she hiding? Something pertaining to Tinder Girl, sure, but that was a given consider she was Tinder Girl’s best friend.

Then she smiled, the pull of her lips insincere. She shook her head. “Nothing,” she replied oh so sweetly. 

“Oh, come on,” Naruto whined. Apparently he’d seen the look of constipation on Ino’s face as well and decided that constipation wasn’t actually the case. “What are you hiding?”

“Nothing.”

“Ino!”

“Nothing!” Ino repeated. But then she winked and Naruto and whispered, “I’ll tell you later.”

Naruto grinned and nodded and Sasuke gawked at them. “Are you serious?”

“You bet I am.”

“I’m not here for your approval,” Sasuke told her. “And I’m not here for you to have your dumb jokes.”

Ino smirked. “Then what are you here for, Sasuke?”

“Well, I mean...breakfast.”

“Wow.”

“I’m going to find her,” Sasuke declared, “and then we’re going to go on a date. Or something.”

“Or something?”

“Yes, or something.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m not gross like the two of you.”

"Screw you!”

Before they could bicker further, other members of Team Sasuke seemed to arrive, and judging by the way Naruto was waving at Karin and Shikamaru at the door, he was probably the one who invited them. They crammed their way into the booth beside Sasuke as he shook his head at Naruto.

“Why do you keep inviting people to our discussions!”

“Because they liven things up.”

“How?”

“I’m sassy,” Karin piped up.

“And I’m...” Shikamaru paused to think of the right word. “I’m snarky.”

Sasuke huffed and pointed to the two across from him. “And I guess she’s Bitchy and he’s Dopey?”

“You’re being very rude for someone who always needs our help,” Karin pointed out.

“I don’t need your help!”

“Your first in-person glimpse at Tinder Girl was at my party.” She nodded at Ino. “And your second one was at hers. Which, by the way, we told you would work for drawing her out.”

“That wasn’t--she wasn’t--” Sasuke sighed, defeated, because fine, sure, he actually needed his friends throughout this entire process. “Whatever.”

“Why are you being so difficult?” Karin asked.

Something snide was on his tongue (specifically “Why are you being so difficult?”) but Sasuke stopped himself and sighed. Why was he being difficult? Was this self-sabotage? Was he afraid of actually meeting Tinder Girl or something?

He looked up and found everyone staring at him. “I don’t know,” he admitted. 

“Is it because you’re scared?” Naruto reached across the table and laid his hand over Sasuke’s. “It’s okay to be scared. It’s a good kind of scared--”

“Okay, no,” he said, yanking his hand away, “that wasn’t an invitation to talk about my feelings.”

“Then why don’t we do what we always seem to have to do for your sorry ass,” Shikamaru suggested, “and make a new plan.”

“Sure,” Sasuke agreed, just as Ino said the same thing. He couldn’t help but regard her with surprise. He’d honestly expected to have to fight her like she was the dragon guarding the castle Tinder Girl was locked up in. “Really?” 

She shrugged. “I mean this could be good. Sakura needs to get laid.”

Karin nodded. “I agree. Not in the sense that she’s a wound up bitch. More so like…she deserves it.”

“Wait, then why would we set her up with Sasuke?” Naruto asked, ignoring Sasuke’s stare of disbelief.

“What the fuck, Naruto.”

“He’d only disappoint her.”

“What the fuck, Naruto.”

“Because Sasuke is an asshole, but he’s good-looking,” Ino explained, also acting as if he wasn’t there. “That means she’ll give him a chance, but she might just end up dumping him. The point is, she’ll get something out of it.”

“What the fuck, Ino.”

Karin ignored Sasuke and raised an eyebrow at Ino. “You’re strangely okay with all of this. She’s your best friend and he’s...Sasuke.”

“What the fuck, Karin.”

“Eh, it’s not like Sasuke is some random loser,” Ino said. “He’s just a regular loser. And besides,” Ino continued. “We actually know him. He’s a jerk the majority of the time, but I know he’s not some serial killer.”

Naruto frowned. He squinted at Sasuke then turned to Ino. “You don’t actually know that though.”

Shikamaru tilted his head and examined Sasuke. “Nah, Sasuke isn’t the type to be a serial killer. Maybe a regular, one-time-only kind of killer, but I think after the first one he wouldn’t want to have to bother with a second. And then to maintain the pattern for a third would probably be too much.”

Sasuke didn’t even bothering asking what the fuck this time, settling for just glaring. 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Ino said. “Okay. So. The point of these little meetings. We’re supposed to help Sasuke find and woo his...Tinder Girl?”

“Yep.”

“Basically.”

“I’m just here for the drama.”

Ino nodded. “Fine. Clearly trying to meet her at parties doesn’t work because you drink too much, so I’m just going to settle for something simple and classic.”

“And what’s that?” Sasuke asked.

“A date, you fucking dolt.”

The simplicity of it all kept Sasuke quiet.

“She’s my best friend,” Ino explained. “I’ll tell her I’m setting her up with a guy I know. She might put up a fight because she doesn’t exactly trust my judgement--”

And for that, Sasuke liked Tinder Girl even more.

“--but I’ll find a way to convince her.”

“I...” Sasuke swallowed thickly. Being so close to reaching his goal made him nervous. “I like this plan.”

“We can go on a double date!” Naruto suggested.

“Or we can go on a triple date!” Karin added. She looked at Shikamaru and they agreed they’d go on a date together for the sake of watching Sasuke make an ass of himself in front of the girl he’d tried so hard to find. 

“No,” Ino said. 

She tried to smile at Sasuke, but it was just a weird twitch of her lips that made him wonder, for a split second, if she might be having an aneurysm or something. Then he realized she was aiming for kind. Or, if not kind, just not mean. She was aiming for not mean.

“It’ll be just Sasuke and Sakura.”

“I have to get ready,” Sasuke suddenly said. 

“For what?”

“For fate. Or something. I don’t know. Shut up.”

He tried to stand but was trapped in the booth and just ended up hitting his thighs. He pushed Karin and Shikamaru so he could get out. He began walking away from the table, ready to take on the day, ready to maybe do a bit of studying, ready to freak the fuck out.

Sasuke immediately sat back down at the booth, this time settling beside Ino and Naruto.

“Fuck,” he breathed, missing the way they all looked at him with both confusion and annoyance. “Wait.”

“Now what?”

“Shit.” 

“Communicate, Sasuke. No one has understood a thing you’ve said in the past two minutes.”

“What if she’s one of those girls who say they’re not like other girls?” Sasuke worried. He actually looked pale. Or well, paler than usual. “Or like, what if she self-identifies as quirky? What if she’s vegan and slips that into every conversation? What if--”

Ino rolled her eyes and shoved him out of the booth. “Get out of here, idiot!”

-

That night, Sasuke found himself on campus studying. This wasn’t too uncommon amongst students considering midterms were coming up. 

After breakfast, Sasuke received a text from Karin saying he owed her money because he left without paying for his stuff so she had to cover him. He waited and waited for Ino to update him, but figured that obviously she couldn’t tell Tinder Girl about him yet. Right? Of course not.

And what would Ino even say to her? 

“Hey, Sakura, remember that drunk mess you took care of last night? He wants to go on a date with you. Yeah, I know, he’s kind of a loser. Yeah, I know, he thinks he’s a succulent whisperer or something.”

He said he was going to get ready, but upon stepping out of the diner, he realized he had no idea what he was getting ready for, so he went home, showered, and went back to sleep. Upon waking up at four in the afternoon and ignoring Itachi’s disapproving stare, Sasuke had something to eat, grabbed his bag, and left to go study.

It wasn’t about the bet anymore. It was about succeeding in school, about not being a disappointment, about spiting Itachi. And, obviously, it was about love--

“Hey, would you mind if I sat here?”

Sasuke tried not to visibly cringe. Because midterms were coming up, all the tables were taken and it was totally normal that someone would want to share his table. He tried not to groan as well as he wondered if they might tried to make conversation. 

Then he actually looked up.

It was Tinder Girl.

Sasuke was, somehow, breathing normally. He nodded and he tried not to stare at her too obviously as she set her bag on one of the chairs and proceeded to pull out her laptop and some books. When she was settled, she looked at him. Really, truly looked at him. Then she paused.

“Oh, it’s you!” She smiled and Sasuke’s heart skipped a beat. “I see you’re feeling a lot better now.”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he replied smoothly. He looked away hoping to hide the blush on his cheeks. “I...yeah.”

She laughed a little. Fuck, she was so cute. “Well, I’m glad. You didn’t seem too well.”

“I drank too much.”

“Classy.”

“I try.”

“And did your succulents make it out okay?” She shrugged. “Or well, technically, Ino’s succulents.”

“What?”

“The succulents.”

“What?”

“Well, as I was tucking you in, you made me promise to bring back your best buddy succulent so you could bring it to a better home. I literally had to go back and forth twice because apparently I grabbed the wrong one the first time.”

Sasuke cringed and wondered if he could just die from embarrassment. 

“Although to be fair, Ino’s actually really great with plants and you probably should have just left the succulent there.” She chewed on her lower lip as she mulled over her thoughts. “Then again, succulents are pretty idiot-proof.”

Naturally, that shook Sasuke out of his stupor. “Are you saying I’m an idiot.”

Sakura laughed. “No, no, of course not. I don’t even know you.” Then she held out her hand. “I’m Sakura, by the way.”

Social propriety dictated he shake the hand being offered. Normally he would do so grudgingly, but this time he was eager. Were his hands sweaty? Shit, probably. But his fingers were resting on his keyboard and there was no way he could somehow discreetly wipe his clammy palms on his jeans before shaking her hand. And now he was taking too long. Crap.

Hoping he wasn’t repulsive, he shook her hand and introduced himself. “Sasuke.”

“It’s nice to meet you--”

“I have to go now.” 

He blurted out the words before actually processing them in his head. He had to go? Did he? Uh, no he didn’t. But he said the words so now he had to go. Sakura was staring at him, clearly confused by his behaviour, and so he decided that he definitely needed to go. 

Shit, was this that self-sabotage again? Was he scared? That “good kind of scared” Naruto was going on about? What did that even mean?

“Oh.” 

Sasuke was too busy shoving his textbooks and and laptop back into his bag to check if the disappointment he swore was in her voice was also on her face.

“Well, okay then.” He glanced up and she was smiling at him. “Good luck with your studying then!”

“Okay, bye.”

Sasuke grabbed his stuff and practically ran out of the room. When he was outside and walking home, it occurred to him that everything was going perfectly fine and then he just ran away. 

What the hell was wrong with him? What the hell was he even doing? Fuck, no wonder he couldn’t make any decisions without any help from his friends. 

Maybe Naruto’s double date idea wasn’t so dumb after all.

-

tbc

[canaryatlaw]

so, today was pretty good, a bit tiring, but mostly ok. I set my alarm for 9:25 and woke up at like 9:20, then saw I was getting a phone call so I was like eh fuck it and answered the phone. it was my gastroenterologist’s office from yesterday, as I noted in my brief post this morning. basically, they were like “yeah, that doesn’t sound like pain that would be caused by acid reflux. If it happens again you should go to the ER.” so I was like LOL GOOD so I’m basically just waiting to see if it actually happens again and I guess we’ll go from there. idk, I just feel weird about going to the ER if by the time I get there I’m gonna be fine. and it might just be some weird muscle strain thing with my back?? idk. I’m just gonna hope that this resolves itself, lol. still working on plan b. but, anyway. I got up and got ready, then walked to the train and took it downtown because I had my first therapy session today with my new person that I found here in Chicago. It was nice, fairly informal, just information on life and history and family, all that good stuff. but it was good. so when I finished there I went to the DV courthouse for my shift. Waited for a bit, then got put on a case with a new person shadowing me, who turned out to be like a 50 year old guy in a suit, which was kind of strange lol but whatever. We had a bit of a time crunch because the victim said she had to leave by 4 for some sort of therapy session, so I just did most of the paperwork and we were set to go up to court by like 3:15....until during my pre-court talk she found out that at the next court date, the other person would be there, at which point she basically started freaking out. We made it up to court, and her name got called, and then she was like “nope.” and walked out, and I’m just standing there like......uh.....I don’t know what to do now....so I tried to explain what was going on and one of the advocates came out with me to talk to her. I felt kind of awkward because like, convincing her to file isn’t really my job?? like she’s the client, I’m here to help her, if she decides she doesn’t want to file this is her life and she’s gonna have to live with the decisions she makes so I’m going to respect that. but the advocate of course took a more forward approach and was encouraging her to go forward, so I was just kind of supporting, but I felt awkward AF about it. And of course the new guy is just standing there like.....uh....I guess I’ll give you guys a minute lol it was definitely something. But the advocate eventually (like probably a solid 7 minutes of talking) convinced her to come back to the courtroom, and they let me go up and stand with her like they used to let us do (they still let advocates do it) and the judge of course had just witnessed what had happened so she was very gentle and kind, basically just asking confirming questions based on the affidavit I wrote and asking for small explanations. She’s a good judge, I’ve been in front of her numerous times and I think I got pissed about one ruling (which is pretty much inevitable) that I thought she got wrong but I knew the majority of the time she’s both compassionate and fair and that’s definitely what a judge needs to have in this position (don’t even get me started on the ones I’ve seen who are just awful to freaking domestic violence victims, like seriously). So we eventually came down from court, it was just a little after 4 at this point, there wasn’t much else to do so at that point so I headed out and chilled in the CFLA office with my various friends who generally hang out in there at this point in time on Wednesdays before everyone has a night class. That was fun. We ran across the street to get slurpees right before class. then I had adoption law. for the first like half of the class we had a speaker, who was a mother of four, one of whom she had adopted internationally, and the other 3 were from the child welfare system (3 siblings, only the oldest is legally adopted at this point and the youngest is only a few weeks old) so she was basically just talking about the processes she went through and how little she was willing to put up with their shit (in basically those terms) and at one point she said she cursed out and hung up on the lady who’s the DCFS guardianship administrator and I pretty much died laughing (I’m sure the name didn’t mean anything to any one else in the class, but I actually know who this lady is and all that comes with her job, and oh, this was so funny). So that was good. Then we had the second half, which we were talking about the cases regarding same sex parents adopting, and I went on a giant rant about Florida’s foster care system and what a disaster it is. the case we read was from 2004 saying all these bullshit reasons why gay people (even single gay people) shouldn’t be able to adopt because they want the “ideal” home for them (which, according to them, was a two heterosexual parent home). Yeah, okay....but then  I know that in 2005, thanks to the huge amount of kids they had in their system and were holding out for these “ideal” homes for them they restructured their child welfare priorities and decided to prioritize “family preservation,” which basically means they left a ton of kids in homes and returned a ton of kids to homes way too often, and guess what? A SHITTON OF KIDS WERE KILLED BY THEIR PARENTS. 477 IN FIVE YEARS, IN FACT. so I was of course informing the rest of the class to this news, who were understandably horrified (our professor was mostly amused, I think, she finds me amusing lol). Then we finished by watching a short film called “Removed” about foster care through the eyes of a child. it was pretty well done, as far as these things go. And then we let out, and I came home. Watched Smallville while working on my fake bo staff for my white canary cosplay at San Jose HVFF in December, which looks pretty cool until I was like “wait, how am I gonna get this on a plane?” it’s 4 feet long, lol. So I’ll be trying to figure that out in the mean time. And yeah that’s about it. I’m typing on my computer while it’s being backed up on an external hard drive because I’m taking it to the apple store tomorrow to deal with how freaking slow it’s been lately and of course I’ll want a copy of everything in case they have to do something to it (and I guess I’ll email myself the notes from class before the appointment, lol). But yeah, that’s about it for now. Signing off. Goodnight babes. Sleep tight.