#and this whole thing is like 6k words

[what-aboutno]

An analysis on c!Owen and his behaviour throughout the Outsiders SMP series!

Some disclaimers before I go into this. There will be spoilers up ahead! I would like to warn anyone reading that this post will mention some blacklisted members from the smp because their characters play a role in showing us about cOwen.

For convenience, all the members mentioned are the characters, not the actual ccs themself. Some of this might seem all over the place, but when the characters learn random parts of themselves at different points it's bound to happen.

Owen has changed a lot as the series has progressed and many find his personality to have changed entirely towards the end, however, this isn’t really the case. When we go over his character, we can see his core values have stuck with him throughout the series, so in this post, I will go over how exactly he has changed over time and his character in general.

To make it easier, I’m gonna split it into 3 parts. Early maze days, the introduction of clearing 2, and post memories.

During the early maze days Owen establishes his character very early on. Right from the beginning, Owen arrives with the demon Rasbi. They are notably one of the three pairs that come up, with most coming up the elevator alone. The first time we see him, Owen immediately takes up a role as a protector, asking if Rasbi knows how to fight in case there is danger up ahead.

In this first section, we can also see that he acts a lot more childish and naive. He’s very emotional and easily upset by his past. He can be seen jumping on rocks with Mohwee and the others and crying on his first night over his loss of memories. The overwhelmingness of the clearing gets to him. This isn’t to say he is some weak, stupid or soft character though. 

Owen may be naive in believing things should be played in certain ways according to his rules but there are many instances where we can see he’s not stupid. First episode he can immediately recognise what knife Oeca is holding “Hey that’s a throwing knife right? No that’s a dagger” 

After getting more settled in the maze he asks about the maze’s agriculture, he mentions everyone is unarmed despite fearing the dangers in the maze. He starts asking about protection, armour, shields and notably, “So this place is safe on the inside? It's safe to walk at night?” He’s already worried for everyone’s safety here, he knows the maze is dangerous so is there anywhere that’s safe? 

Very early on his past also becomes a very important aspect of his personality. He is probably one of the first to remember anything significant about his past. By episode 2 he is getting flashbacks about how to make a bow. But he makes a javelin first, noting “I think I was a hunter. No, I was an archer. I was a hunter. I was a soldier? I was good at this.” He then proceeds to aim the javelin at Oeca’s name, because at this point he can’t fully trust Ocea. He is very quick to violence, although he doesn't want Oeca dead, he certainly can’t trust in him. 

Another important note is that Mohwee is one of the people in the clearing he respected and saw as someone with the ability to act. Which is why we get this interaction where Mohwee calls out “Owen.” and Owen replies with “yes sir”. His past even without his memories is important and ingrained enough he still acts like this, and this only continues as we go through this section.

The first time they go in the maze as a group is when Apo arrives. This is a very important moment for Owen because their first trip in the maze solidifies his personality throughout this section and maybe even the series. Oeca is shot because Mohwee was careless and brought anyone in. When the group comes back, Owen asks Graecie, “How many entrances are there to this maze?” After finding out this is the only one that opens, he refuses to let anyone get hurt again and starts blocking it off.

Trust and promises are very important to Owen here too because it's one of the key reasons he blocks off the entrance. It’s not just Oeca getting hurt, it’s the fact he promised Graecie he wouldn't go in. “I broke my promise.” He also takes Apo’s word very seriously in the mine when he tells Owen he didn’t pull the lever. Also because of this he only trusts himself to go in the maze.

When the entrance is blocked off Owen is quick to violence and threatens people if they try to get past him. After finding the old battle axe he starts using it to threaten and intimidate people. “Anyone who goes past this (the gate) i will attack”

“Anyone else that will, I will just cut down” are some of the things he says. He punches Mohwee for trying to get past him. When Oeca comes back after Mohwee’s disappearance, Owen follows him with that battle axe trying to talk.

Owen then goes on to say “I’m not looking for violence” and “I'm not collecting weapons this was instinctual (points at bow)” he doesn't want people to think he’s dangerous and he knows people are scared of him.

Even if he seems aggressive he still wants to protect others. Owen goes back in the maze to look for Mohwee after he randomly disappears on their way back. “My job is to protect people and I will do that to the best of my abilities. At every possible stage”

When Mohwee disappears Owen takes a massive risk to stay in the maze overnight to see if the gates would open. “The only thing I remember about my life Graecie, is that I was raised to protect people. That's all I remember. And I know it was dumb and stupid to go in the maze but if it got us a step closer to finding Mohwee. I was willing to make that risk”

So we’ve established that Owen cares about the people in the clearing even if he doesn't trust all of them, he wants to protect them and he will do it no matter what. It's the purpose he has given himself in order to be useful.

He knows it doesn’t work how he wants it to. People are scared and wary of Owen’s protection. There are multiple instances where he tells his voices, “They don’t get it,” because he knows people don’t trust his methods. His method of control is disliked by a lot of people. 

Ori is one of the main characters to go against Owen. Owen hates this because not only does it risk the safety of others but it goes against his main purpose he gave himself. He takes this job very seriously. So when Ori goes in the maze it’s no wonder Owen becomes very violent.

“Ori I'm seriously sorry I will break your legs and I'm very close to it. Are you gonna make me. “

He doesn’t see himself to be super aggressive though “People think I'm being really aggressive when I talk like ‘oh hey if you come near me I'm gonna break your legs’ but I'm saying it in the most friendly way I can, you understand that right? I'm not trying to be aggressive with that”

“I'm saying like if you do step in here I will have to break your legs. In like a very gentle and I'm very sorry I hate to inconvenience you but I do have to break your legs.”

When Ori sneaks into the maze, Owen talks a lot about his purpose. Things like “Don't, I'll fail them. They'll kill me. My entire purpose here is to stay by this door and stop you from coming in.”

Owen hates to know he is failing the purpose he has given to himself “When I discovered I was a soldier that's what I set myself to (protecting others) but what do I have to show for myself? I have tried my hardest to protect these people. And get they look at me and tell me I'm a tyrant” “you're not in control, who are you to say what happens?”

He would do anything, even if it meant sacrificing himself. As shown before when Mohwee disappears but also as he protects the gate after the second lever gets pulled he says “I'm going to protect them if I die in the process so be it”  

Another note before this section ends is that it’s not just Ori who opposes Owen. Sillvia also talks about Owen’s method of leadership.

Sillvia about Owen: Owen I think you would be great. If not for the fact that you have a militaristic mindset. I don't want to see your leadership spiral into a place where Apo wants. Owen I fear you and I want you to know that. I actually fear you and I don't say that about many people. And ruling should not be through fear. You are a terrifying individual and to see you be in a position of power would be a slope we cannot afford or gamble slipping down. We've seen you tussle with Ori. I know you're a strong individual. You could lead us quite well but it's the risk that comes with your leadership that I am not willing to risk. 

The perception Owen has of himself differs from how he comes off. It becomes more of an issue later but we can already see this happen. 

So as clearing 2 is introduced this is what we know about Owen. He was a soldier once, he wanted to protect people in the clearing even if it meant sacrificing himself. He’s nice to others but his methods are still aggressive and violent, ready to hold a weapon to someone if needed and Owen cares a lot about trust. 

With the introduction of clearing 2 we can see how Owen changes and develops. He’s very cautious of clearing 2 members because for all he knows they could have led the creature that destroyed half their clearing in on purpose. 

Owen also faces betrayal from Apo. We know trust is something Owen values a lot. It’s mentioned in the early days, and it’s a major part of why he feels so strongly about Apo lying. During the scene where Owen faces Apo after finding he pulled the lever that killed the second clearing, his main issue with Apo isn’t the fact that he killed people. It was the fact he lied to him.

“You lied to me. Why did you do it? No no no I don't care about the lever. Apo why did you lie to me? You're my friend I trusted you. I stayed there. I held your back when oeca said it was you. I put my name on the line. Because we stood together in the mine and I asked you to swear to my face that you didn't do it. And you lied to me. Im meant to be your friend and you lied.” 

You can also see what Owen values in a person when they discuss Apo’s punishment and Owen says there's 3 main things he did

- went into maze without group consent

- pulled the lever

- he lied

Owen only adds on at the end that he left Squidney.

With all of this too we see Owen for the first time back away from the job he gave himself. He backs away from leadership, we start to see how tired Owen is from the stress of it all. His reasoning has to do with his trust being broken.

“What's the point they're all liars. This entire place is filled with filthy liars. Every single person. All I've ever done is tried to protect them”

“Forget it. I'm done. I'm don't helping people. No I'm not villain, I'm not a hero I'm nothing.

From now on there is no leader of the maze. They put me in charge. My word means nothing to them I'm done.”

“How am I meant to protect them when I try and stop them with physical force im made out to be some kind of monster. When I try to reason with them I'm made out to be soft.”  

Owen being viewed as soft has always been something he’s aware of. People tend to think because he’s kind that they can do whatever they want (sneak into the maze etc) and this perception Owen is a soft person develops. Even if he’s emotional and kind we’ve seen before in early maze days he is not soft. 

Owen tries to ignore all his problems but with it he grows more aggressive than before. His tone changes when he speaks about other people to his voices.

“To visit him would be to acknowledge he exists. And right now the last thing I want to do is consider the fact that this thing lives and breathes and eats and sleeps under my feet. The sooner he wastes away and fades into nothingness the better. I don't see a life going forward with him in it” - Owen about Apo

“The more I look around these stupid 4 walls the more I'm reminded that he that. That I trusted him.”

"he's everywhere. It's like a disease. Like it festers. The outside looks fine and you look just below the surface and it's rotting vile and it's him”

Apo: Just give me a chance.

Owen: why should I? So you can have another tick to the long list of times Owen has naively believed there is some good in the people that infests this clearing? Oeca, mohwee, Bekyamon, Magic, Graecie, Ori, you, liars. All of you.

I’m not just putting quotes here just for you to see oh trust is important! But more so for you to see that Owen changes when his trust has been broken or when he sees someone as a threat. Some of these things sound very similar to what Owen would say when he gets his memories back. Because to Owen trust and protection are 2 very important values. When that is broken he can’t be certain someone isn’t a threat. 

With this change Owen does become more aware he isn’t the most approachable person due to his methods. I do want to bring up this quote first though 

"Can I kill someone? Ive been thinking about this recently I say I'm a soldier. But I've never actually killed anyone. All my life in these 4 walls I've spoken about security and fighting and I can't remember a time I've actually taken someone's life. What if I have to. What if it comes to that I don't think I could stomach it either. I doesn't feel like me. It's not me it's not who I am. No I can't. I'll only attack this person if they do something first. And even then I'll just aim to incapacitate" - Owen about Ash

This is an interesting quote from Owen knowing his later actions but it’s not that out of character. If we look at every flashback he’s had so far we can see the life of a soldier is not one he’s always wanted.

Owen to his dad: What if I'm not ready to be your protector? No It's what you've always wanted! What if I wanted to do something else? What if I don't want to be a soldier what about me when do I get to look out for myself.

However he is always ready to attack if he needs to, if it comes to it he would do anything to protect someone. I think that means to kill even if Owen doesn’t think so at this point. 

His notebook btw

Another note about his behavior is that because of how others view him he almost dies from the creature’s venom. Ayngel even said before Owen is more angry. Other people even though it sounds jokingly say Owen gets grumpy when people disrupt him, leading to no one but Soup to check up on him when he gets stung.

When Bek comes back he doesn’t hesitate to do the things he did before. He does what he thinks is right and protects Magic by aiming a javelin at Bek. He says he’s not violent but anytime he feels like he’s in danger he pulls out a weapon. He did it when he was in Soup’s basement, he does it anytime he hears about someone potetially harming Rasbi, and he did it when he heard Oeca attacked Graecie. 

Owen in general is a fighter at heart. Even if he says he doesn’t want to kill anyone he is still ready to attack. 

Owen: this isn't you Ori. You fight. That's what you do.

Ori: what are you talking about?

Owen: you fight people. When you don't get your way you fight. You and I are the same

At the end of this section, the group decides not to go back in the maze. They had lost Squidney, Oeca, Mohwee, with the presumption that Red, Apo and Graecie were either dead or dying. Owen is tired of it all “Every Time I've tried to protect someone they've ended dead Kyle” he tries to hope but he is so tired. This tiredness also explains some things that happen when he gets his memory back. 

So to summarise before looking at Owen when he gets his memories back, this is what we know about Owen. He wants to protect his friends, he believes in trust a lot, he is both seen as more aggressive and angry these days and soft at the same time, he wants to be a good leader but other people don’t listen. Not much has changed since the early maze days, but it’s a more solid character now. 

When the reunion comes around Owen in the story has finally had a moment to think about everything that happened between him and Apo. His main regret in the series was how he treated him even if he broke his trust. 

Owen loves to contradict himself a lot but it’s a very human trait he has. He has complex feelings about Apo, and Beks and a lot of people. Yet he’ll still offer his protection to them. It’s because of this the ‘sudden’ shift in personality he has becomes very shocking to the audience. 

Since right before he sees Apo, Owen is very emotional here. Very similar to how he was in the early maze days. It’s out of his character to hope for something like seeing Apo because he knows it’s very unlikely he’ll see him again. However he gives himself this hope, one more chance. 

When Owen regains his memories the tone shift is obvious. He acts less emotional, he seems more mature. But we do need to consider this is someone who just had a lifetime of memories shoved back in his head and his core values are so strong that Owen doesn’t hesitate to act the way he used to. 

There’s lots of similarities to Owen here to the one we’ve known. Like his purpose. He sets one for himself immediately after arriving in the clearing. Even as he talks to Apo about his past he talks about his purpose

“I had a purpose once. I was useful, vital, adored. And suddenly everything changed. The world grew tired of blood shed. When all you're good for is violence, when you've been breed into a killing machine, a nation of peace will toss you aside like a spent torch”

There’s an obvious difference here right? The man we’ve watched in the maze who wanted to protect his friends just killed his best friend. This is definitely a different person right? Yes and no. Owen hasn’t changed that much, and I'll explain why after we go through some more things. But it’s important to note that this isn’t a completely new person, this isn’t something that is unexpected when we go through the information we already have about Owen. 

“I know what you are, you are everything wrong in the world has to offer. You are the amalgamation of all the gluttony and lust of humans with the evil and cunning of demons. You stand as a testament to everything vile. You are a disease on the face of this earth and I am it's curse” 

Apo: this isn't you you've changed 

Owen: incorrect, this is me. The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive. 

Owen wants protection for his friends. He goes to extreme lengths to keep people safe, so when he remembers demons as this evil creature that will hurt people for their own gain he wasn’t going to stand around and do nothing right? 

Surprising or not this is very in character for Owen if we look at everything else we have from the series. To him, he is still doing his job, the one he’s done since day 1 in the clearing. Just now the threat isn’t just the maze and the occasional person, it’s demons. 

The way Owen became a demon hunter is essential too. He used to live in comfort, and based on past flashbacks he was training to be a soldier even if he didn’t fully enjoy it. His mother was a poet and his father was a general. He had grown up hearing all about how terrible demons are, and he didn’t understand until his village had been burned down.

One negative interaction with demons had put this deep hatred in his heart for them. Before his memories returned he was ready to forgive Apo, he knew he wasn’t as dangerous as he made him out to be. But when the sudden influx of memory comes, he has this past knowledge that Apo is a threat. 

Since Apo had hurt Owen before this only adds to it. Remember Owen really values trust. Apo has broken that trust in the past, so everything combined and letting go of the final restriction it’s no wonder he kills Apo. 

Despite this ‘massive personality change’ Owen has, when he returns to the clearing he still makes sure Magic is safe. He doesn't tell people about the lava rising so he wouldn’t cause panic. He still cares about these people. 

But Owen starts to view all the demons as a threat, every demon in the clearing has done something to suggest they could be dangerous. The reason Owen kills Guts is because they poisoned the food at the feast, which led to Magic being poisoned. He carries out this duty for protection

I think another thing people tend to forget about Owen is that he's been slowly breaking apart trying to fit what others want from him as seen in the last section. And it took a major toll on him. His outburst at Magic is one of the ways shown to us how much stress he’s been under. Perhaps even guilt he’s been feeling.

Magic: if you don't you're just putting everyone danger by not leading us… in there…

Owen: danger? You want to talk about putting others in danger? All of this coming from who exactly? The woman who's clearing burnt down under her leadership? The woman who lied about that previous position of leadership as she lacked the spine to correct her friend when she lied? The woman who was tied up and left for dead by that same friend? The woman who swore to protect a stranger only to them shot down in front of her? What the woman who stood still as her friend was ripped apart beside her? Oh yeah the magnitude of your failures Magic is deafening. Do you hear it? When you fall asleep at night, do you hear the screams of the dead who's blood stain your hands? How do you cope? When you find out be a good friend and let me know would you? Been looking for a way to shut them up. 

Owen does try to justify his actions to his voices even if they don’t listen. He knows people here aren’t good. He’s known this since clearing 2 was introduced, but with his memories back he feels like he has to carry on this duty by killing the threat. That’s the only way to keep people in the clearing safe right?

Owen to voices: have you stopped to think why I'm doing this? You seem so attached to these creatures, why? What good have they done? These people aren't good people. None of us good people. We're all in here for a reason. Just because you haven't taken your rose tinted glasses off to see that doesn't mean the rest of us haven't. 

Like before he won’t let anything stop him, even if it means hurting a few people. He doesn't hesitate to pull out a weapon when he hears Ayngel might know him. He can’t risk anything ruining his plans because he can’t afford to. He’s so tired. I think at this point anyone that was a major threat to him he would kill. 

Ayngel: I feel like I recognise you. You and your face from somewhere 

Owen: oh? (Starts to pull out knife from his bag)

Ayngel: I've been having this thought and it's got me thinking (Owen pulls out a knife in case)

Ayngel: actually, honestly forget it. It's all a dream and I'm overthinking

The only exception to his thinking is Rasbi. Rasbi actually hasn’t done anything wrong to him personally. She’s one of the few people that didn’t break his trust but he still kills her. Why? 

First off he doesn’t see her as the friend he wanted to protect but instead as something he protected only to kill in the end to fulfil his duty. Her sister is the reason why he ended up in the maze, so even without Rasbi directly harming Owen in any way it’s enough for Owen to kill her. I’m sure any small mistake or detail would have led Owen to killing any demon, because it only proves his thinking. 

Owen barely survives after Rasbi attacks him. So as Owen starts planning how to kill Krow he starts going a bit insane. His room is a mess, his mind is a mess and he can barely stand it anymore. We really start to see him fall apart here

Owen: this yolk is a burden is a burden I can't carry for much longer. I'm tired. I want to rest. But I took a pact, I made a promise. A glorious death is his for who his country falls and either I or they thing will have to die before I stop. 

Something that’s brought up when discussing the idea of ‘Maze Owen’ is the fact that we can see ‘glimpses’ of him in different interactions. For example when Owen and Krow go out into the maze and Owen spots Puddy he makes sure Puddy doesn’t die by keeping him away. Even if he’s aggressive in the scene the fandom interpretation is the care he has for Puddy as ‘Maze Owen’ slipped through. But It’s not out of character for him to still show care for people after his memories are returned based on everything we’ve seen.

Before ‘killing’ off Krow, Owen does say this “There's no escaping who you are” Which is really interesting since most characters he’s interacted with will tell him in the maze you can escape who you used to be. Owen knows for a fact no matter what he does in life now he will never have anything outside the maze. Because the world doesn’t need him anymore. He kills the demons as his final act of service to the world because he has nothing else to offer. 

When Krow finally comes back and Owen gets hit in the head he says to the rest of the group “I was protecting you all.” and “You don't know what they're like! You haven't seen the outside world.”

Looking at his final moments we see that everyone that Owen has cared about doesn’t trust him anymore. They don’t believe his protection was needed. He’s told that he will not get out of this cell. He’s left alone in the silence of the cell. Finally with the time to think. He starts experiencing multiple flashbacks and it makes it hard for him to think. 

We’ve seen in the past how Owen deals with multiple flashbacks. It gives him a headache or causes him pain in some cases. He also becomes really emotional afterwards. This follows the same case. Except he starts to realize some things.

Krow: I know those eyes. That glint of desperation for approval but knowing it's never coming. We're more similar than you let yourself believe you and I

(Flash back ‘i was an archer.?’ ‘i was a hunter?’ I was a soldier)

“I was a tool. Used.”

He knows he’s going to die soon and he starts to panic. The most important line he says is 

“So what now? This is it!? I deserve to die in battle. I killed them. It was what I. Its just what I was meant to do. I was trained. Should i have? I should have. I should have. I can't think inside my head, it's split in two” 

“So what voices? What was I before then huh? Was that me? Is that who people trust? People trust that one. Old Owen. Yes? It wasn't me. That wasn't me” flashback about Apo first coming up

“I can't think. I can't. They trusted him. They trusted him but not me? My head…”

After this he pleads with Magic to let him out. Owen claims “I hurt them, I hurt my friends. Rasbi, Guts. And Apo, Krow I don't know why I did those things” He pleads and cries. And he's desperate

Owen: “No magic it's me please.” 

Magic: “You kill people owen”

Owen: “It wasn't me I'm sorry. I just wanted to keep people safe.” 

Owen: “Magic please don't go… no… magic. You can't do this.”

Magic: “I can and I am” 

I think when we look at these final clips there’s a very important thing happening. Owen is separating himself from the past. He can’t understand why his friends don’t trust him. Even though nothing has changed. To him his eyes have been opened to the dangers of demons and he fulfilled his purpose. 

Why does this separation even happen? This is where we move to the final part of this long analysis and look at theories. There’s no way I can say for sure this is right or this is wrong. I can only tell you what I think based on the material already there. 

So before I go into this I have to emphasize I am not saying you can't refer to earlier Owen as maze Owen to explain Owen at different periods of his life. I'm saying when we really look at it, maze Owen doesn't exist since they're the same person. 

So what am I talking about? The concept of ‘maze’ Owen has been around for a long time. Even ccOwen talks about his character like that. The idea that just because Owen didn’t have his memories that he was some sweet, soft guy that needs to be babied is something that affects a lot on how you view him as a character. 

'maze' Owen doesn't actually exist because it's a way that Owen has come up with to justify to himself how he could have cared for demons without shattering his ideals. This is confused with Owen have distinct personalities and missing how he hasn't strayed from his ideals since the start with his idea of protecting everyone.

To separate that period of Owen's life in the maze ignores the fact that the characteristics you see in Owen post reunion are the same from before but taken to the extreme.

He's always been capable of ‘evil’'. It's the same as every other character in the series. We don't separate them like we do with Owen. Every character in the series is inherently morally gray, they do things out of desperation to survive. You can never say someone is 100% good or bad. 

Owen’s same mindset of 'I need to protect the people I care about because they're in danger now' carries through. After the reunion in his head demons are no longer part of that group he wants to protect. 

The separation of 'maze' and post reunion Owen forgets even in the post memory phase he had the ability to love like 'maze' Owen had. He released Puddy, he started a small farm, he started to relax. It's all part of him.

In his final moments he says a few important things to note. The first being "I was a tool. I was trained. Should I have... I should have." And then right after "I can't think in my head it's split in two"

It seems some take this as 'maze' Owen coming back and fighting with Owen on should he have killed Apo and the others. However rather than 'maze' Owen coming back i think it's this internal conflict he has with himself and his ideals.

Before he says this he's getting flashbacks to the early maze days where he showed kindness to demons. Something he would never let himself do in the past outside the maze. And something he would never do after he remembers it all.

Then he says to the voices "Is that who people trust? Old Owen" while those memories are playing. The voices respond saying they miss that Owen and he replies "Yes? That wasn't me" this is possibly where it further adds to the whole 'maze' Owen is a different person thing.

Rather than facing the fact that his thinking doesn’t make sense anymore he separates himself from those memories. As soon as Owen accepts that demons are not these creatures that betray and kill you at any moment, his life has no purpose.

Owen’s thinking comes from the manipulation and propaganda he's been fed. In his final episode we get these quotes which show just how much his thinking revolves around protection and also showing what years of training did to him.

He understands he was a tool that was used. He's well aware everything he is doing may not have a purpose and yet he still plays this part. He can't break away from that thinking because if he lets himself, Owen has to face the fact that his whole life had no true meaning.

That is a terrifying thing to do. He has been in this environment for so long you can’t just take him out of it. 

Going over everything you can access in Owen’s pov, we know that before gaining his memories Owen is a person that cares deeply about his friends, he risks himself to protect them, he won’t hesitate to hold a weapon against someone he sees as a threat. Owen thinks trust is an important value to have, he takes it very seriously. But we also know that not everyone likes Owen and his leadership. He’s seen with a military mindset, people don’t want to upset him and it nearly costs his life.

Now let’s compare that with the Owen we get to know after his memories return. He wants to protect the people he deeply cares about, he risks himself to protect them, he doesn’t hesitate to hold a weapon against someone that he sees as a threat, only now the threat is demons. When we start looking at these differences, yes, Owen when he regains his memories is different, his tone changes, he murders people. But those core values we’ve seen throughout the series stay with him.

It’s one of the reasons why Owen can’t understand why no one in the clearing is on his side. He protected them against the threat they didn't know about. That is his purpose, and that’s what he’s good for. Remember right at the beginning of the series Owen sets his purpose to protect these people, now this is still the same. He views demons as a threat because he hasn’t had good experiences with them. Even if Apo became his friend in the clearing, Apo ends up lying to Owen, and betraying his trust. Guts became his friend but Guts tried to poison Magic. Owen has never fully trusted Krow and that distrust only furthers once he knows what Krow is capable of based on his experiences with demons.

So let��s go back to the previous question: who was it there? You’re probably thinking well how do you explain maze Owen and the chips. ccOwen has mentioned before that it's a possibility for the chips to alter memories. Maybe Starr suppressed those memories and maze Owen was there again. Or he was hit hard on the head right? Maybe his chip was damaged and it altered his emotions and memory.

There is too little known information to us as an audience about the chips in their head. We know they can supposedly make the outsiders lose track of time, alter their memories, their emotions and change how they act. But if the chips in their head is the explanation for everything then why does Owen remember killing his friends when he talks to Magic? He says it like he wasn't the one doing it, like he watched someone else do it. How do you explain his behaviour then? If the damaged chip really made him act like that then why do flashbacks still occur when he's in prison? He seems to have no control over those, so the chip must still work fine?

I think when we look at his character the maze has already changed him whether he likes it or not. There’s more doubt in him than before. He lets Apo go with extra time. He hesitated before he ran after him. No matter how small, he has changed.

But when Owen talks about himself in the past he makes this separation. The voices in his head won't stop calling for the guy they used to know, even though he's right here. I think Owen doesn't even want to acknowledge at one point he was friends with the demons he hated so much. 

In that prison cell all his ideals and values are facing him. Everything he's done and he's known has been a lie. I think he knows this but can't bring himself to acknowledge that. Would you admit what you thought for your entire life was wrong? That you killed countless for nothing?

When faced with death Owen becomes desperate. Which I think explains his behaviour with Magic. That is his last hope and he knows people like the older version of him. I don't think he's fully lying though when he says i don't know why I did those things. Not because maze Owen came back or anything but because in the maze he no longer has this duty but he still carries it out. He's so tired from it all and he wants to leave it behind but he can't.

So let's go over his death scene one more time. “My head it's split in two” I think the explanation for this is that he was just hit with a bunch of flashbacks of his first days. Right before this he also says ‘I was a tool. Used’ I believe in his final moments where he has a moment to think he starts to fight himself. Should he have done all this for a country that throws him away the second he's useless? He was trained to do this. But should he have really? That's what I think is making him say my head it's split in two. He's fighting his own views and alongside these positive memories it makes him confused. And overwhelmed.

It's important to note Owen doesn't have a single bad flashback about Apo and Rasbi. He doesn't think about the levers, he thinks about his friends that he met. That he protected.

The more flashbacks he gets the more defensive he becomes. “I'm right here you can't convince me otherwise” He doesn't understand why the Owen in his memories is trusted so much, even though they're the same person. In his mind he's doing what he's always done. protect.

“It wasn't me I'm sorry I just wanted to keep people safe” everything he says to Magic is half genuine and half lie. I don't think even Owen knows which parts are which. It's easier if he separates himself into the nice trusted Owen and who he is now.

No matter what in the end, that was Owen. Not Maze Owen but Owen who is desperate to live. He's tired of it all. He's finished his mission and he won't even get to see what he thinks will be an honorable ending for him.

Remember what Owen says to Apo? "The man you manipulated and lied was nothing more than a puppet driven by the instinct to survive."

So of course he'll do anything to survive even if it means playing up the truth.

It's hard to separate Owen into these neat boxes and say for sure that was Maze Owen at the end or that was full manipulation. Because like Owen everything is a bit grey here. Maze Owen wasn't the best person, he hurt his friends, people were scared of him. And post memories Owen isn't some misunderstood guy that needs babying either. 

My final thoughts on this debate is that in the end the one that pleads for his life is just Owen. To separate him and say it was Maze Owen doesn't allow you to understand how complex Owen is as a character. And continues to let you believe that Owen can't do anything wrong. Not understanding sometimes a good person is capable of this evil. To the end Owen still believed he was doing what was right and that was protecting the ones he cared about. So has anything really changed since the start?

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

I'm doing it. it's being done

Realizing that this part of my fic would be so much more visceral from the other characters point of view so now I'm going to have to write it 😩😩

Don't get me wrong! I do want to write it! It's just thinking about doing that makes me weary cause doing any sort of writing lately has felt like pulling teeth. I want to be doing it, there is nothing else I want to do more than write and write and write, but the brain. it's broke and does not do the thinky bits well lately

[quinn-pop]

mtdd week day 6 - flustered

just a post romk scene

in all these years you’ve never…

[resident-rats]

It took me wayyy longer than it should have LOL but I finished chapter 5!! If it all runs smoothly it’ll be posted tomorrow but I might need to amend some bits first

[coweye]

The Honda Odyssey

Logan Howlett x Reader | smut | 6k words Summary: The car fight reimagined and it only needed to be like 10% more erotic than the original.

I got carried away. I just love Wolvie so much. I'm so happy Logan is getting the adoration he deserves. Long live the Wolverine renaissance.

Warning: smut, p in v, ass play, foul language.

If you had to pinpoint a moment when your life became the shit show it had steadily developed into, you’d say it was the moment you auditioned for X-Force.

In your tenure as besties with Wade Wilson, it's fair to say things hadn’t gone smoothly. The man was a conduit to all things fucked up, but you adored his loose morals and quick mouth. The idiot in red had weaselled his way into your heart and became something of a brother to you and more recently a roommate.

Now, if you’d have told your younger self you’d be in your late twenty’s sharing an apartment with a burn victim who regularly staples a toupee to his fucking head and a coke-head, blind, old African American woman, you’d have laughed in their fucking face.

So, you’d like to think that as these things go you are pretty damn well adjusted but traversing the multiverse was a bit of a stretch, even for you.

One moment you’re at Wade’s surprise party, the next your ass has been zapped to the TVA and you’ve been given a sacred mission; to accompany Marvel Jesus (Wade) and protect the sacred timeline.

Naturally you’re fucking mind blown, you’re a low-level mutant, fuck, you couldn’t even join the X-Men.  Your particular set of skills were a dime a dozen and your flagrant disregard of rules had made you a ‘poor candidate’.

No, the mutant powers you had been graced with weren’t extraordinary by any means. You were basically an off-brand Captain America, just without the gorgeous cheekbones, patriotism and righteous need to do good.

In layman terms, you are strong as shit and have an accelerated healing factor. Not quite the same level as Wade’s mind you. You have, give or take, an inconvenient five-minute turnaround on the more fatally debilitating wounds.

To say you were unqualified was an understatement and to say you were reluctant was a simple fact. A fact you repeated, loudly to anyone that would listen as you were bathed in rich black leather.

“I think maybe you meant to grab negasonic teenage whatchacallit… she’s great, super powerful!” You continue. “Did you mean to get Domino or Colossus or maybe one of the X-Men? “

“No Miss Y/L/N. We have not got the wrong person for the job.” The man you later find out is called Paradox, calls out as you re-enter the operation headquarters. “Mr Wilson requested your presence; he wanted your assistance on his mission.”

“Y/N/N… ten out of ten, baby girl, I one hundred percent would bang. I’m talking raw dog, Barry White on a rug, let’s go all fuckin’ night.”  Wade hollers in his own brand-new suit and even you must admit, you look fucking amazing. “Sweet angel, we’ve just gotta’ come up with a superhero name for you!”

You are enrobed in rich thick black and teal leather, your first ever hero suit and it’s a fucking good one. It doesn’t cling, but instead pulls you in securing your flesh and extenuating curves, ones you hadn’t entirely realised you had. The bottom half your face is concealed with a mask, carefully crafted to follow the contours of your nose and cheekbones.

You’d barely recognised the mysterious figure in the mirror.

“Right?! Tailor was pretty handsy though!”

“Oh yeah, ha! - that man is indeed a predator.” Wade says with a chuckle and a fond sigh.

It shames to you to say but that’s when you stopped fighting this whole thing. You looked the part of a hero; you thought that maybe the TVA knew what they were doing. That they had seen something in you and knew that you had a good heart under all the darkness that lingered on the surface.

Wrong.

You were just a demand Wade had made. He wanted his number one disciple at his side whilst he carried out his sacred mission. You were part of an attempt at appeasing him whilst they destroyed your timeline.

Little more than a pawn to be used whilst they manipulated him into a false sense of security.

Thus, you were thrown into a series of events far beyond your control when Wade being Wade decided you were hunting down a Wolverine to stabilise the timeline, only to be once again fucking zapped into some place they called the void by that little English shitbird named Paradox. It’s entirely accurate to say that you were a little less sturdy than your compadres.

Unfortunately for you, the fall from such a height into the void was fatal. When you finally awake in the desolate wasteland to the sounds of blades clashing it is disorientating to say the least.

Forcing yourself to your feet you lower your mask and gasp in the sweet strangely stale oxygen as you stretch out your newly healed spine with a groan. It was impossible to tell how long you were out as you take in the scene before you; Wade and the Wolverine are engaged in a heated battle. From the looks of it, Logan is winning this fight despite being the human equivalent of a knife block with Wade’s katanas protruding from his chest.

For a moment you pause, perhaps its head trauma that hasn’t healed (He’s fucking Deadpool, he can look after himself for two minutes) and appreciate his form, the Wolverine the two of you had kidnapped was gorgeous. Tch, as if there was any other kind.

Sure, you were biased you’d always been somewhat of a fangirl, but the Wolverine was objectively breath-taking.

You’d indulged in comics whilst growing up but when you found out he was real and looked the way he did, hell, Wolverine was your sexual awakening. He was the first man to make you feel that tingle in your lower stomach. Yes, you may have been thirteen years old, a ball of puppy fat and social anxiety but you’d been waiting for him ever since. 

You’re snapped out of your reverie when Wade loses baby knife in Logan’s shoulder blade, finally you spring into action. In good time as well as you’re not sure if even Deadpool can survive decapitation.

In the singularly most stupid act of your life you throw yourself in front of your friend’s body. “Wait, Wait! Please!”  

Wade has paused behind you, you can feel him weighing up the situation, pausing for a moment to see what you’re going to pull out of the bag.

“The TVA they can fix it, whatever you did, whatever made you the worst Logan, they can fix it! – They have the power to end universes, but they also have the power to fix yours! Help us get back there and we can fix both of our worlds! I promise, they can fix it.” You plead, it’s not quite a lie exactly, more of an Educated Wish than anything.

Okay it is a lie, but you’re sure that the TVA can most likely, probably, maybe fix his world.

Logan’s eyes lock with yours in that moment you can see that he wants to kill you both and be done with it, but that hope won’t let him. You feel a smidgen of guilt for the deceit, but frankly you’ve done worse for less. Your world was on the line it wasn’t the time to pull your punches.

Fast forward four exhausting hours, two periods of unconsciousness and one flaying to find yourself sat opposite Wade gagging down cold spoonful’s of Spam in some dusty ass diner.

You were no better than a man as you watched the Wolverine.

Those arms, those thighs, the way he had beheaded Sabretooth without even breaking a fucking sweat. You wanted him to wrap those instruments of death he called hands around your throat and fuck you dirty until the sun came up.

It had been a long exhausting day and you had been soaking wet for most of it.

Shit, could he smell that? Does that count as sexual harassment? You’d have to ask Wade.

Logan, however, was utterly dismissive of your advances in the face of what was undoubtedly utterly horrific past trauma. Something you were trying to be understanding about, but self-pity in a man, it just turned you on. I said you had some surface layers of darkness.

Unable to help yourself you gaze at him as he opens a bottle of rubbing alcohol. You are utterly entranced, watching the thick chords in his throat bob as he takes a swig.

That tanned skin where his jaw ends and neck begins, slick with sweat and dirt. You’d love to sink your canines into the strip below his ear. He must feel your stare on him as he looks up and catches your eyes dark with lust already surveying his person.

It should embarrass you, that every time he peers your way, he catches you gaping at him like a lovesick puppy, but there’s something about Logan you can’t quite put your finger on. The man heats your blood like nothing you’ve ever experienced before, maybe it’s that torch you’ve carried for him since girlhood, maybe it’s the thick thighs you’d kill to ride – who can say for sure?

In what you assume is against his better judgement, he comes to perch on the booth beside you. His broad shoulders cast an imposing figure as he gets close enough that if you were to move your hand a couple of inches to the right, you’d finally be able to touch that yellow fabric that plagued your tween dreams.

You’re burning up at the thought of him, unable to stop yourself you part your legs slightly to ease some of the pressure. Logans nose twitches, his head swivels your way and his eyes catch your own.  

Welp - at least you have your answer about him smelling your arousal.

Deciding that you were most likely verging on sexual harassment charges you decided to focus back in on the task at hand, gagging once again at another spoonful of spam.

“Be a good girl and swallow, Y/N/N, you know the rules!” Wade jokes, your chortle was your only response. What could you say? He always hit your funny bone despite the ocean that was raging in your panties.

Logan stares at Wade for a long moment before turning to your way and addressing you for maybe only the fourth time today?

“What are you doing with this fucking clown? You his sidekick? Following him round to laugh at his stupid fucking jokes whilst he gets kids killed?”

“Why I have never.” Wade is faux outraged at his words, clutching his imaginary pearls as the Wolverine throws around accusations that aren’t entirely untrue.

The Wolverine’s expression remains stern as his eyes track your face. They seem to be evaluating your character and from the flare in his nose and crease in his brow you can guess he finds you lacking. You’re embarrassed to admit how much that deflates you, so you do what you do best; you deflect.

 “I could follow you around and laugh at your jokes instead, if you like?” When you speak your voice has a sultry edge to it and there’s no mistaking your intentions.

Logan seems to think on your proposition for a second or two, before he huffs grabs his rubbing alcohol and unopened can of Spam and heads over to sit at the bar.

“Holy hot ham and cheese on rye, Y/N, you fucking slut.” Wade berates you though his voice is as light as it’s always been as he boots your shin under the table. “Trying to your holes filled by Wolvie during a world saving mission, Marvel H Christ, stay on fucking task!”

You swear you hear Logan mutter a Jesus Christ from the bar.

Though as Wade continues irritating the hero hunched against bar, you can’t help the realisation that he didn’t say no.

“You’re uh… well regarded in our world.” Wade complements, being real doesn’t come easy to him. You appreciate the effort.

“Well, I’m not shit in mine.”

“I tried to join the X-Men because of you.” You speak up finally joining their conversation. Wolverine’s back goes rigid, but he doesn’t respond. You’re not sure if he’s waiting for you to continue or hoping you’ll stop. “You made a difference to this world, made me think I could do the same. I just never quite make the cut.”

Logan doesn’t seem to have a response.

It seems your words have an effect as you catch him watching you more often. When Wade makes his jokes, he looks to you for validation of his withering looks.

You’re probably more distracted by this revelation than you should be when the three of you come across a real nasty variant of Colossus seeking out Wade for… you want to say… revenge?

The not-so-gentle-anymore-giant flips the Honda and tosses both Wade and Logan through the treeline as they advance on him as if they were little more than toys his mother had asked him to pick up.

One by one your bullets ricochet from his metal skin as he comes towards you. You aren’t built for this fight; you are completely and utterly outmatched.

All you’re doing at this point is buying yourself some time for your backup to pull themselves from the rubble, however during a particularly spirited cartwheel the metal oaf finally gets his hands on you. Colossus’ metal palm is cold on your throat, and you could swear you hear your neck snapping before you feel it.  

With a gasp you return to life to find a slightly dishevelled Logan standing above you. By the grace of god, his sleeves have been worn away in the fight, his arms, oh sweet lord, his arms are on full display.

“Thought you were a goner.” He offers you a hand when you simply stare mutely his way. Locking your fingers around his wrist he pulls you to your feet. You don’t release your hold on him and neither does he.

“Don’t throw the party just yet, eh?” You joke weakly, for a second you could swear there’s a slight raise of the corner of his mouth, imperceptible, if you didn’t know what you were looking for. In the past few hours you had become an expert on Wolverine’s face.  

Your mouth is dry as you take in his thick sweat laden biceps.

“Where’s Wade?” You query whilst rolling your aching neck as you haven’t heard his voice in a record thirty seconds, Logan suddenly remembers himself and drops your hand.

“’fraid Metal man took your clown, was pissed with him and can’t say I blame the guy.”

“Shit.” You sigh rubbing your temples as you kneel to pick up the dismembered arm of your best friend. “Well – fuck. That’ll take him a few hours at least to grow back – He’ll be so sad about his suit.”

You peel the fabric from the limb and tuck it under the breast plate of your own suit. Wade will want his glove back when it grows back.

“He say where he was taking him?”

“Oh yeah, that along with his plan for world domination...” Logan huffs as if your mere presence annoys him.

“Thought you didn’t like sarcasm.”

“I like sarcasm just fine, Bub. It’s you I don’t like.” You can’t help but smile his way at the comment made at your expense, his brows crease. “You’re a strange one.”

“Can you do your sniffy thing?”  Its impressive, you thought he’d reached the limit with his scathing looks towards Wade, yet he somehow manages to pull a deeper frown out the vault especially for you.

“Sniffy thing?” His words are spoken with such derision, it turns you on a little. You realise that perhaps you are in fact a deeply troubled individual.

“Oh, sorry.” You pretend to clear a frog in your throat. “Please, oh, please, beautiful, handsome Wolverine, please can you locate my bestest pal with your heightened sense of smell?” His face doesn’t break despite your hands clasped in front of your chin.

“You’re just as fucking annoying as that moron.” He huffs “Get in the fucking car, we’ll follow his trail.”

“You can smell him from the car?”

“The blood, Jesus Fucking Christ, there’s a trail of blood.”

“Ah.” Is all you reply as you find your seat in the passenger side and start your own one on one team up with Wolverine. Its not exactly the way you imagined it, but beggars certainly can’t be choosers.

After a few moments of sullen silence, you decide that there’s no time like the present to form a long-lasting bond.

“What’s your world like?”

“None of your fucking business.”

“Okay... What’s the first thing you’re gonna’ do if they can save your world? I bet its something boring as fuck, like team-“

“What did you just say?”

“I bet you’re gonna do something boring like-“

“No before that.”

“What’s the first thing you’re gonna’ do if they save your world?” You question, his sudden interest in your words takes you by surprise as he has been vacant from your conversation.

The breaks suddenly shriek as the car comes to a stop.

“What do you mean if?”

“I…”

“You said they could fix my world. Undo it all, is what you fucking said.”

“I mean I think they can!”

“You fucking liar.” The edge to The Wolverine’s voice is terrifying. The realisation trickles down your spine, Logan has been nice to you all this time, you’re finally meeting The Wolverine.

“I didn’t lie!” For some reason you’re ashamed of your deceit, you’ve murdered countless people and still, you’ve felt less remorse. Logan’s eyes pin you in your seat as disgust clouds his face. It hurts more than you can fathom. “Not exactly, I think they can fix your world! – I needed your help and if you killed Wade there was no hope for my universe!”

“I don’t give a flying fuck about your universe!” He spits your way; his hands are gripping the wheel in what seems like an effort to keep his cool.

“I know, but I do!” You cry back at him. “You know how to save the world, you’re the fucking Wolverine! I know how to kill people, but this hero shit, this isn’t me!”

“Ha! No shit.” There is pure hate in the man’s eyes as he stares back at you.

“Please, you’re Logan. Whether you’re the worst one or not - You’re still better than me.”

“Get out of the fucking car.” The words come from between clenched teeth and are filled with warning.

“No – fuck you.”  Your rage breaks the banks to meet Logan’s. Perhaps it’s the guilt, maybe it’s the fear for Wade but something within you snaps at his constant bad temper. “It was an educated guess and a fucking reasonable one at that, get the fuck over yourself you big bird wannabe geriatric fucker! “

He slams his palms on the steering wheel, his nose flares and his teeth clamp together.  “Fuck me? Fuck you – you sad pathetic excuse for a side-kick. No wonder the X-Men wouldn’t take you, and they’ll take fuckin’ anyone. You are a ridiculous, immature, moron who spends her days following around a fucking clown to avoid facing the reality that you are no one. I have never met a sadder, more attention starved asshole in my entire life. You were right about one thing, you’re no fucking hero.”

Its shameful the way your stomach drops, and your eyes involuntarily begin to tear. To hear your hero say the words you’ve thought about yourself whilst laying awake at night. It’s a knife to the gut.

“Nothing to fucking say, huh, Angel?” The use of Wade’s nickname for you is like sandpaper on your skin, it rubs you the wrong fucking way.

“I am going to hurt you now.” Your voice is barely a broken whisper.

“You’re going to hurt – “His faux chortle is cut short by a swift punch to his face. You’re worried you may have been overzealous with your swing when his nose begins bleeding. The Wolverine is stunned for only a moment before he grabs the back of your neck and proceeds with smashing your face into the dashboard and those concerns are quickly put to bed.

The old fucker is strong, but you don’t think he’ll kill you, yet another educated wish.

“Not so tough now…” He shouts as the radio channels change with your skull. Pulling a knife from your leg strap you embed it in his thigh and pull the lever to recline your seat whilst he’s distracted, luckily, you’re not there when he swings for retribution.

Though one of his fucking steak knives catches your upper arm slicing through the leather. Warm blood trickles down your arm, staining the beige interior of the poor Honda. 

Your legs are your strongest asset, so when he attempts to restrain you with the seatbelt, you are presented with your window of opportunity. You wrap them around his neck as you pivot your hips slamming the Wolverine headfirst into the metal of the door. Once, twice, three times - on the fourth he lands a fist to your gut, luckily, he has retracted his claws.

If he was willing to kill you, you wouldn’t stand a chance.

You’re winded struggling to catch your breath from the gut punch, but you manage pull the knife from his thigh that is nestled between your legs and thrust it into his neck, you aim for the spot you’d fantasied about kissing before he’d torn your character apart piece by piece, now you just want to bathe in his fucking blood.

It was the pain that instantaneously made his claws extend. He’s quick to move them, though he slices through the sides of your suit as he buries them in the chair behind you. Your ribs are a bloodied mess though you don’t care, in a few hours they’ll be good as new.

Logan has seized the opportunity and has your arms pinned to your sides, his blood has cooled a little more than yours, he doesn’t seem to want to murder you over an argument.

Perhaps he’s more well-adjusted than yourself, that thought alone should concern you, except it just enrages you further.

“You stupid fuckin-“The Wolverine starts admonishing you, before you swing your head forward and headbutt him.

Yes.

You really do that.

You headbutt the man with the adamantium fucking skeleton– at full strength. Its sheer dumb luck you don’t crack your own skull in the process– maybe Logan was right, you are fucking dumb.

“Fucking fuck!” You cry grabbing your forehead and writhing. Noone wins with a headbutt, except Logan apparently.

“Fucking stop that.” Your writhing has pushed your core against his crotch, and he is already packing quite the heat at what feels like half-mast. He grabs your hips to stop your movement, but it only seems to push you closer. “Stop fucking moving.”

The constant arousal you’ve felt since meeting him returns in double time, Logan’s nostrils flare and his eyes darken. It’s debased and you’re ashamed that you want him, you haven’t stopped wanting him, despite the awful fucking words that left his mouth minutes ago.

“Like … a little pain Wolvie?”

Its relief you feel, you think, when instead of answering or punching you in the face, he closes the gap.

The Wolverine’s claws retract, and he grabs at your chin. Logan’s mouth utterly devours your own, your front tooth clashes with his own as you push yourself upwards, you pull your knife out of his neck, catching his grunt of pain on your tongue as you begin licking your way down his thick throat.

The vein you’d spotted hours ago is throbbing freshly healed, you sink your canines into the flesh and its as good as you’d fucking imagine. His groan is utterly beast-like as he wraps his arms around you, pulling you flush against him.

The Wolverine’s throat tastes like salt and iron. Thick, tangy and warm on your tongue as you soothe the bite. It drives Logan wild, thrusting his hardened member against your warmth. One of his gloved hands rises to lock on the back of your neck to pull you into yet another earth-shattering kiss.  His sharp hot tongue slides against your own, exploring the expanses of your mouth like its his to claim.

You bite at him again then, your teeth catching his bottom lip sharply.  Logan groans into your mouth before you use every ounce of your enhanced strength to throw him backwards against the dashboard.

He is taken utterly by surprise as his head slams into the windscreen cracking the glass with a grunt. When he looks your way Logan’s eyes are blackened with desire, he is utterly wild.

Slowly as if afraid to make any sudden moves, you unzip your combat boots, your eyes never leaving his. One boot and then the next.

You thank the TVA’s tailor for making your suit a two piece as you shuffle backwards into the backseat, pushing the thick leather down your legs all whilst maintaining eye contact with the beast leaning against the dashboard.

“You sure you want this Darlin’?”

“Darlin’?” You question mockingly, your voice lowering to imitate his own, as you wantonly spread your legs, your bare leg resting next to the headrest. Only a pair of black cotton panties separate him from your most intimate parts and his eyes are locked on your clothed core. “a second ago it was ‘Pathetic Moron’ to you.”

Your head tilts in question as his eyes lock back on your own, you think perhaps for a moment something akin to regret passes over his face, but you’ve never been entirely comfortable with feelings, so you drop your hand into the waistband of your panties, you’ve barely circled your opening with your pointer finger before he’s on you.

“That’s my job, you fucking Moron.” He plunges two bare thick fingers into your heat. Gasping you throw your head back against the headrest, it’s a tight fit and its been a while but the slight burn eases some of the aching in your core.  “You’re fuckin’ soaking wet, you like it huh, bub? Making me bleed?”

Your grab his jaw, your nails digging into his flesh. “I’d like to bathe in-” He scissors his fingers finding that spot inside you and you let out an embarrassing noise, somewhere between a gasp and a moan. “-Your fucking blood… you mean motherfucker.”

You’re an absolute goner when he starts rubbing your clit, after a day of foreplay your body seizes, and you grab at the nape of his neck trying to find something to anchor you down. But as fast as the build was you come tumbling down just as quickly, when he cruelly withdraws his hands.

“No! - Wha- what the fuck?!” You’re almost crying as your torn from the precipice.

Logan flips you over onto your stomach before you can complain any further, your face down on the filthy upholstery as he pulls your panties from your hips. You can’t see him from this angle, though you can feel his warm hands tracing the globes of your ass.

You force your knees further apart, pushing your bare soaking pussy against the tight bulge of his yellow suit. If you had enough of your facilities about you, you’d be embarrassed that you’re currently rubbing your cunt against The Wolverine like a bitch in heat after he’d chewed you out only minutes ago.

Logan’s hand dip between your thighs, his fingers swirl along your hole, dragging your wetness along to your aching clit.

“You think I’d make it that easy?” He asks as he continues the journey back and forth. On the second pass he dips his finger inside of you for a fraction of a second before resuming its path. “What do you want, darlin’?”

You weren’t going to beg, in fact you bit your tongue to stop the traitorous words from forming, this man had already made you abandon most of your self-respect, he wasn’t having this.

“Logan…” At your breathy words the man leans forward, pressing his fabric covered cock into your ass as he folds his body over yours. One hand comes down next to your shoulder, the other explore your tits as he rocks himself into your throbbing core. It’s the perfect storm as he nuzzles into your exposed throat but somehow you manage your words. “Fuck me or don’t, I’m not begging, bub.”

He exhales through his nose in what you guess is equal parts amusement and annoyance, but you’re far beyond caring. He places a bite on the spot where your throat meets your shoulder as his body pulls back. Momentarily his hands leave your hips to deal with his own pants. You hear the clank of his belt hitting the car floor moments before you feel the head of his cock, running along your folds.

The head of his cock is thick, and it feels hot to the touch as he runs it along your slick. All of a sudden Logan pushes forward and sheathes himself inside of you with a single thrust.

You try your best to hold in your incoherent moans but to little avail as he pulls back before slamming full force back into you. If you were a human woman, your pelvis would’ve shattered from the force of his hips against your ass, instead you gather your strength and push back, allowing him deeper. The both of you moan in unison at the depth he reaches.

You grab onto the foam of the seat, ripping through the fabric with your bare hands desperate for an anchor as Logan unforgivingly pounds into you from behind, once again he folds his body over yours, wrapping a palm around your clawed fingers.

“.” He grunts something incoherent into your ear as he picks up the pace, slamming into you repeatedly, slowly picking up his pace. Your core is positively aching as you throb around him, pulling him deeper within you.  If you were expecting any further explanation, you’re sorely disappointed.

The wolverine pulls back, gripping at your hips keeping you still as he resumes his powerful strokes.  Logan’s hand dips to your clit, rubbing quick circles sending you barrelling back towards your orgasm. As you begin to clench around him, he pulls your body upwards, his head brushing against the top of the car as he holds you against him his fingers never leaving your clit.

“Come on my cock, Angel.” Unable to stop yourself you clench around him, hearing him talk like that does something primal to you.

You fucking loved Logan’s mouth, you bet he ate pussy like a champion if he played the clit this fucking well.

You stopped fighting it and threw yourself from the cliff, shattering in his thick muscle veined arms as he held you up against him, his cock still viciously plundering your depths.

“You’re so fucking tight.” He whispers against your neck whispers peppering it with bites.

Logan gives you a few moments to come down from your high before he resumes his punishing pace, you think perhaps you’ve reached your limit of pleasure, that the threshold can’t possibly be topped until he whispers into your ear in that gruff voice.

“What was it Wilson said? Filling all your holes?” The Wolverine asks, his eyes meet yours over your shoulder meaningfully, asking permission as he offers you his thumb. You merely moan your approval and wantonly draw his finger into your mouth, soaking the pad in saliva.  

Logan yanks your head into a vicious kiss. It’s a messy one, filled to the brim with need. The hand not currently locked on your neck holding your face to his, travels down your back, through the valley of your bodies. The pad of his pinky runs appreciatively over the globe of your ass, before his hand dips into the crease.

Logan’s thumb runs teasingly against the tight ring of muscle, it’s a foreign experience which makes you startle slightly.

“Anyone ever fucked you here?” He asks as he bites down your neck, delicately pushing you forward until your head rests on the backseat. You shake your head as your eyes close, his cock is buried balls deep within you as he plays with your asshole.

When his thumb finally breaches your tight hole just past the nail, he begins his thrusts once more. His cock fills your pussy from behind and suddenly you feel so fucking full, Its far too much for you.

“Fuck… Logan.” You gasp almost on the verge of tears as pounds you into the back seat. It seems the ass play has gotten to him more than expected, as his pace has increases.

“Where?” He asks breathless from the exertion as he pulls his thumbs from your ass and takes a handful of the meat on your hips.

“Inside…. Please … Logan.” You practically beg though you’ll never admit it, his rhythm becomes stunted as his hips slam into the back of your thighs.

“Give me something tight to come in, Darlin’.” Moaning at his words you’re eager to obey as you reach your hand between your own legs and rub mercilessly at your clit. The unforgiving pounding, the grunting and the fingers currently bruising your hips and the burning of your now vacant ass send you sailing over the edge.

You clamp down on him like a vice, groaning unable to hold back your whimpers anymore as he finally bites your neck and pumps his seed deep inside you as far as it can go. Logan grunts like a beast as he pulses deep inside of you.

Logan collapses beside you. Dents in the interior of the van you don’t even remember making have appeared from where a stray elbow or knee has hit the metal in the throes of passion.

The Wolverine tucks his cock back in his suit. Ever the gentleman, he uses your black panties to wipe away the cum dripping from your thighs, you haven’t got the heart to tell him that when you’re commando redressed in your suit that you can still feel him dripping from you, your pussy uncomfortably slick against the leather.

After dressing, the two of you sit in contemplative silence. Neither one of you has the emotional complexity to discuss what happened and neither one of you will accept fault for your argument that led to it, so, silence reigns.

The tension is sliced in two as Logan leans forward and pushes an errant lock of hair behind your ear in an act so goddamn endearing, you melt. You still wouldn’t apologise for lying, because you didn’t lie but you can meet him a quarter of the way.

“I’m sorry for calling you geriatric.” You whisper catching his eyes, a small spark of humour leaps into them, you’ve seen more emotions from your hero in the past half an hour than you knew he was capable of.

“I shouldn’t have-“ Logan’s heartfelt apology is cut off by the lead of this goddamn story.

“Well, well, well.  Would you look at this, My best friends, Ha! I get fucking kidnapped, an arm ripped off and you’re nowhere to be found? I thought don’t worry Wade, they won’t leave you, Y/N/N will come around that corner any second."

Wade has appeared through the passenger side window; he looks a little worse for wear and has a child’s arm growing from his stump, its kind of gross to look at.

"What if Colossus had had his way with me? What then Y/N? I expect this from Wolvie, but not from you! No, no heroic rescue for old Deadpool. I have to save myself because you fuckers are too busy playing hide the adamantium bone!  Thanks for nothing guys. Now the car has old man sex stank to it, as if this hunk of shit Honda could get any worse!”

[eyelessfaces]

save the date

bob reynolds x reader

summary: bob is gutted to find out you’re looking for love on a dating app, not knowing the only reason you are is because you're convinced he will never make a step in your direction – you’re now both trying to move on from each other while neither of you know how much you actually want each other.

tags: f!reader, friends to lovers, misunderstandings/miscommunication trope, dating apps, oblivious idiots in love, mutual pining though both parts think it's unrequited, angst, alcohol consumption, bob takes care of drunk reader, mentions of bob's former addiction, insecurities, the thunderbolts are very involved, yelena being an amazing supportive friend and an aroace icon, I pick on walker a few times in there but I actually like the guy dw

word count: 6k

masterlist | taglist | ao3 | @eyelessupdates

buy me a coffee ♡

“I made a selection already but I’m not sure how to slim it down and which ones I should pick”

Yelena gives you a single, confident nod that tells you she got this and silently motions for you to hand her your phone, her lollipop standing by itself inside her mouth as she carefully looks through the different pictures you selected to potentially put on your profile, scrolling through them with the same focus she reviews mission plans with. 

She had helped you come up with things to write down for the descriptions on your profile, but you knew damn well that this was the most important part, the main object of attention, the thing that would make your first impression on those men you could potentially date. And you had to admit it was fucking terrifying in some way.

“Oh this one is nice. You look so cute” she says as she picks the lollipop out, stopping on one picture. “It’s definitely going up on your profile.” 

Before you can respond, she swipes again and nods decisively. “Oh and this one too.” she says it like it’s a fact, not up for discussion. “Your eyes look like you might want to kill someone, which is probably attractive to some people”

You huff out a laugh. “You say it like it’s a good thing”

“I told you, I wouldn’t be surprised some would be into it,” she says with a shrug as she sticks the baton back between her lips.

You chuckle and nod in appreciation though you're filled with a strange mix of feelings, caught somewhere between excitement and anticipation. It's all new to you, it's not something you have tried before, and you can feel a stress blooming at the bottom of your stomach – picking pictures for dozens of strangers to see is a bit intimidating, even when your face is already known for working as a New Avenger; it feels widely different to choose how you’re wanting to be seen, to put yourself out there for others to judge.

You watch as Yelena continues swiping to the left. “Oh I took that one!” she exclaims, face lighting up with pride as she points proudly to the screen. “Yeah it’s got a little kick. You didn’t even know the picture was being taken so it looks natural. Brings out your casual charm” 

You snort up a laugh and nod. “Okay thank you,” you grin, picking your phone back to set the couple pictures she chose and add them onto your profile. “Hey, thank you for helping me with this” you nod, giving her a grateful smile. “I know dating is not your thing so I appreciate your involvement even more”

“Sure, anytime” she tilts her head, giving you a shrug and a friendly smile. You go over your whole profile, assessing the final product, watching how it’s all supposed to reflect you for good now. 

Yelena turns around when a couple of knocks hit her door, and she allows entry, her face brightening when Bob reveals himself behind the door, a smile over his face. He greets the both of you sitting cross legged over Yelena's bed, and you reciprocate the smile as he steps inside. 

“Oh Bob, good thing you’re here we need a masculine input” Yelena swiftly takes the phone from your hands, showing Bob the set of pictures over the screen. “This looks alright to you?” 

Bob steps closer, eyes moving across the images slowly. “Yeah?” he shrugs positively, nodding genuinely, eyes darting back and forth between each picture of you on the screen before they land on you for real. “I mean you look great, what’s that for?” he asks, unsure what is expected of him.

“Dating app” Yelena says as she hands you your phone back. You look up at Bob, quickly feeling a slight heat creep up your cheeks before your gaze darts back down at your phone.

“Oh” Bob’s voice drops a little before he catches up with a smile. “Well you’ll do great,” he nods, his voice sincere. “I mean, whoever matches with you, they’ll be lucky”

“Thank you, Bob” you genuinely smile. 

Yelena glances up and watches as he fiddles with the hem of his sweater, and chooses not to say anything. 

Bob lightly clears his throat before he talks again. “Well I was just checking up on you, I’m gonna get going,” he says, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder. “Good luck with that,” he smiles.

You nod, watching as he heads for the door and closes it behind him with a soft click. Yelena raises an eyebrow at you once the sound fades, a little something in her gaze you can’t exactly define. “What?” you ask flatly, but the heat remains on your cheeks as she looks at you accusingly.

“Nothing,” she shrugs. You know she means the whole opposite of it.

—

This past week hasn't been the calmest, but then again, nothing ever really had been – not for Bob. 

He had been used to carrying the discomfort his whole life, tossing it quietly at the corners of his mind, letting the mess grow until he couldn’t handle it anymore. Like everything else, it had just been a matter of dealing with it, pushing through, and trying to come to terms with it. 

Bob sits in his usual spot of the common area when he reads, but now, it's not really what this is about, as he can't seem to focus and rereads the same line over and over again without ever truly grasping its meaning and the image that is supposed to be painted inside his mind. 

Because the only thing he can think about is you, knowing that you're dodging movie night tonight to go on that date.

You had just mentioned it earlier this week – hadn’t made much of a show out of it, just told the team you wouldn’t spend that Friday evening with them the way you did every other Friday, the way your routine as a group had set it. 

And you didn’t even specify what it was, where you were going, what you were doing and who you were doing it with. 

But it made sense and spoke for itself, but still, as Bob heard Alexei ask and you answered him with what was implied, it still hurt.

This whole dating app profile thing shouldn't have him overthinking it so much, because technically, there was no reason for it to.

And the worst and most confusing thing was, it wasn't even jealousy or something – being jealous would imply he had something to lose, but there, he didn't have anything to begin with, not rightfully. 

He knew damn well he could never be enough for you, that was something he had figured out the moment he realized the feelings he had for you. 

So he didn’t feel angry. He felt less than. He felt small.

And he hates feeling so deeply about it, hates that an overwhelming ache grows inside his stomach every time he has to think about it, hates the insecurity that creeps up his thoughts and gnaws at everything else until it's all he can think about, until all he can hear is the distant voice of the Void telling him he could never be worth it, could never deserve someone like you. He’s used to it, but it feels different now that it involves someone else indirectly. Hurts in a whole different way. Especially when he truly wants someone to make you happy, even if it involves it not being him.

“Bob” Bucky calls, watching him from a distance, noticing Bob’s gaze unfocused, away from his book, not even pretending to read anymore. “You alright kid?” he asks once Bob’s head perks up, giving him his attention. The team had taken the habit of snapping him out of it whenever it looked like Bob was too deep inside his own head, to distract him with something else before his thoughts got too intense – though Bucky knew for a fact there sometimes was no use trying to chase it away, that if it had to crawl back and consume you whole, it would. 

“Yeah,” he says quickly. “Yeah I'm fine” Bob smiles. 

That was the default answer, no matter how he truly felt, despite having been wanting to be more honest about his feelings as per his therapist’s advice – it wasn’t supposed to be that deep in this specific case, it was just some teenage-like feelings, so lying about it wasn’t so wrong, it didn’t feel like the kind of thing worth confessing, wasn’t the kind of pain that deserved air. 

Yet it still hurt.

Bucky nods, barely convinced, but chooses not to say anything, not to push it.

He knows better than anyone else how much it costs to be honest about whatever the hell goes on inside your own head.

—

You stumble out of the elevator, gathering the little focus you have left to try not to trip over your own feet as you make your way inside. Your eyes are glassy, your gaze unfocused and the view around you is scattered from the alcohol poisoning your blood, but the force of habit makes you quick to join the couch and finally sit down. Your limbs somehow feel equally heavy and light, but your legs ache in a whole different way, one that makes you dread the fact that you’re going to have to drag yourself to your bedroom – it makes you consider crashing here, on the couch, without even taking care of removing your makeup and getting into more comfortable clothes, because you swear that once the thought lodges itself inside your brain, it makes you convinced you could fall asleep right then and there. 

That is until a soft shuffle draws your attention, and you notice Bob quietly sitting in his corner, turned to you. “Hey,” you smile, the muscles of your face numb.

“Hey” he responds gently, standing up to join you. “You okay?” he asks as he sits beside you, a worried frown transforming his usually soft face when he sees how glassy your eyes are, how tired the lines over your face make you seem to be.

“I’m so drunk, Bob” you whine softly, hand coming to rub at your eyes, smudging your mascara even further. 

“Happens,” he shrugs with an easy smile.

“‘m sorry, I didn’t want you to see me like this, ‘figured everyone would be sleeping” you apologize. 

He hums quietly and presses a hand at your back. “I’ve seen and been way worse, believe me” he pinches his lips into a small, compassionate smile. “Come on, let me help you get to bed”

“I’m okay,” you wave him off just to be polite, already embarrassed enough that he has to see you in this state. You get up and he’s quick to do the same, grasping your wrist when you almost lose balance.

“Yeah, sure” he snorts a small laugh, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to stabilize you as he starts to lead you towards your room. 

You lean against him, instinctively trusting the way he guides your stumbling feet towards the room. “I just– don’t wanna be a drag” you mutter.

“You’re not,” he assures you. His face grows warm when you wrap your arm around him for more balance, the path of your feet shifting slightly before he rectifies the trajectory. “I would have liked having someone to care for me back when I was using”

Once in your room, Bob turns the light on and helps you sit down on the edge of your bed, a soft sigh of relief escaping you when you're finally there and finally able to rest your aching legs. 

He has already moved to your bathroom before you can thank him for helping you, coming out with a few cotton pads and your bottle of makeup remover. You watch as he sits beside you, the mattress dipping softly under his weight. “Can I?”

You nod, suddenly feeling the urge to remain quiet instead of wanting to apologize once more. 

His hand hesitates with a slight tremble before it gently settles at your jaw, holding your face while the other starts to carefully wipe the makeup away; he can clearly feel the heaviness of your gaze over him while he does this for you, can almost taste the quiet tension filling the air.

Neither of you speaks or attempts to fill the silence, you're way too close to each other to bring yet another layer of closeness, and you're too mesmerized by the way his gaze focuses on you yet remains avoidant anyway.

You're convinced the warmth in your chest has nothing to do with the alcohol anymore – it's intimate in a way that momentarily has you slightly sobering up, anchoring you to reality.

Your eyes flutter shut when he wants to clean the mascara off your lashes, and the gentleness and carefulness he handles you with leaves you weak. 

Bob lightly clears his throat when he’s done, giving you a small, awkward smile. 

“Pajamas” he points out, quickly walking over to your dresser as if to move on and diffuse the tension that has settled. He rummages through, pulling out one of your large shirts and a pair of shorts before he turns back and hands them out to you. 

“Here,” he says, voice dipping, a bit awkward now.

You reach out for them, immediately already pulling your shirt off over your head, not even thinking. Bob practically leaps to turn around, ears burning red. “Oh! Sorry– I didn’t– I’m not looking.”

You giggle tiredly. “You’re fine, Bob.”

The heat in his face barely fades away as he waits, swaying back and forth on his feet, eyes glued to the wall. He only turns back to you once you confirm you’re done, waiting a couple seconds just in case, to avoid further embarrassment.

“Alright,” he huffs out softly. “You all good? Can I do anything else?”

He's too gentle, too devoid of judgement, too caring. You don't answer right away, just stare at him for what you think you would judge to be way too long if you were sober. 

Your tiredness hits you in the face at full force, your stomach tightening in a way that is different to the feeling of needing to spill your guts.

You eventually shake your head slowly, vision still swaying. “Thank you,” you murmur quietly, voice cracking slightly.

You know it's over the moment your tears are flooding your eyes before you can even think to hold them back. 

You start profusely apologizing the moment Bob rushes back to your side when he sees you breaking into soft sobs, sitting down next to you. “I’m sorry, this is so stupid” you apologize.

He shakes his head immediately, hand reaching and hovering over your knee before he decides to put it over your shoulder instead. “Hey. No it’s not. What’s wrong?”

You shake your head, trying to swipe your tears away, ashamed of how freely they fall now that you have no control over them. “It’s just– you’re so nice,” you whisper, a tremble laced through your voice. “And I’m making a fool of myself while you watch and help and it’s so fucking embarrassing, and now that I’m crying it’s even worse” 

Bob huffs out a soft, almost fond laugh. “Come on, I used to be an addict. I’ve embarrassed myself more times than I can count. You think you being drunk and crying a little is gonna change the way I see you?”

You breathe out something between a sob and a laugh, and when you look up at him, his smile somehow makes you mirror it.

Until it all catches up to you and your smile fades as quickly as it came, and the lump that starts forming in your throat seems to be carrying the weight of what you’ve been dragging around for weeks.

You shake your head, letting out a scattered breath. It feels different than the silliness of crying because you’re embarrassed that you’re drunk – it’s like the switch has been flipped, and the precise reason why you got drunk is now floating back to the surface and clawing at your back.

And Bob feels it. He watches you carefully, doesn’t push you, waits for you to say anything, ready to listen.

“It's just– I spent most of the night at the bar down the street after the date” you eventually say. “Just to get drunk and forget about it” you admit, your voice lowering. Bob’s eyes flicker along your face, intently listening. “The guy was nice but I hated it, I think I'm the problem, Bob, and you’re–” you croak out as you look back at him, blinking your tears away when it gets too much before you go on. 

His head instinctively shakes, his hand reaching your face to brush away the hair that sticks to your tears stained cheeks. “I thought that dating app thing would be a good idea but it’s not working and it’s barely… keeping me distracted from the fact that–” 

“Hey,” he murmurs, a frown over his face. “Just because it didn’t work out this time doesn’t mean it never will” he shrugs, eyes roaming along your face. “I’m sure you will get other opportunities and– and I’m convinced you will eventually find the right person” he nods, a reassuring smile over his face when you look up at him, eyes blinking your tears away. “And when you do… I’ll be rooting for you. You deserve it.”

You nod, holding it back. It’s no use telling him more, not when he made it clear he’s not the one waiting for you at the end of this, not when you’re now set on the idea before you could even unburden yourself of it all.

—

Your dating app is a mess of half assed conversations with good looking but painfully uninteresting men – you’re not pretending to be better than them, but it’s an actual torture to try to go through texting some of them, between the stupid and cringe ones, those who take two to three business days to respond, and those who only want to get in your pants and don’t even try to disguise it.

The nice ones make themselves rare but still can’t seem to do it for you, so it pains you to have to go through the whole process again, but you take a chance at trying to match with some new faces. 

You look up from your phone when you hear the sound of Bob’s laugh when Ava says something to piss Walker off, making him roll his eyes and leave the room.

Ava sighs something about him having an ego so massive he can’t even take a joke, and joins you, taking a look over your shoulder behind the couch. 

“Oh my god, what is that” she grimaces as she glances at the screen of your phone, an obviously disgusted expression over her face. 

“I know,” you sigh, immediately clicking the cross on the side of the screen, making the profile vanish, revealing the next one. “I want to give up already”

“You would probably do yourself a favor”

“Is it really going that bad?” Yelena asks from her spot on the couch, gaze still focused on the show on the television. 

“I mean,” you start, taking a breath as you adjust your position on the couch. “I have a date planned in a couple days, and he’s nice and actually cares about me and what I have to say” Ava watches as Bob swiftly picks up his book from the table and flees the scene once he sees the direction the conversation is going, leaving the three of you to it. “But I feel like I need a backup plan in case it doesn’t go so well”

“Okay, I’m gonna need a picture so I know who my next target is if that man hurts you in any way” Yelena casually declares, her slight frown indicating she’s half joking, half serious.

“Mhm, count me in” Ava nods in agreement. “You can also guess their intentions and good faith through their eyes”

You huff out a small laugh before you go fetch the guy’s profile, pulling up his pictures.

Ava sees them first and hurries to climb onto the couch from behind to sit down next to you. “Oh honey, I know what your backup plan is, and he lives with us” she scoffs, mouth hanging in disbelief as she takes the phone from your hands to get a better look. Yelena frowns softly, still waiting to see the pictures, and you’re almost as confused, raising an eyebrow at Ava. “This guy looks just like Bob” she huffs out low enough so no one outside the room could hear if they happened to be nearby, eyes wide as she points at the screen of your phone like she tries to make you see it.

This makes Yelena grab the tv remote and pause her show, reaching to grab the phone from Ava.

“Come on, back me up on this,” Ava urges Yelena.

Yelena’s mouth twists into a small grimace that makes her suspense agonizing. “I mean, they do have the same haircut, yeah” she says before she scrolls to take a look at the other pictures, her head tilting slightly as she goes on. “Yeah he does look like Bob. Like a more pretentious Bob” she eventually declares, surrendering to what’s obvious, giving you an apologetic grin. 

“Thank you!” Ava whisper-shouts. “You have to admit it’s a hell of a coincidence”

You chuckle, unsure what to say for your own defense. “We’re in New York, Bob is bound to have plenty of doppelgangers” you declare matter-of-factly with a shrug.

“I’m afraid this isn’t exactly what this is about” Yelena counters in a mumble, looking away when you glance at her, scratching her temple, teasingly pretending she didn’t say anything. 

You know exactly what she means. But no part of you wants to talk about it, no part of you wants to admit it, because this is all you have been trying to avoid, this is the reason you have been trying so hard to make something out of that dating app. 

“Whatever,” you sigh, suddenly wanting to crawl inside a hole and never come out.

“God, it’s so painful watching you two,” Ava rolls her eyes.

“Ava–” Yelena scolds, throwing her a knowing glance when she guesses where she wants to take the conversation.

“No, come on, I can’t be the only one. I can’t be the only one who sees it, and this evil Bob twin is proof” she insists, trying to get Yelena on her side.

Yelena sends Ava a death glare that you know barely impresses her, but still prevents her from adding more and makes her lift her hands in surrender.

The silence that follows is carrying the weight of everything you don’t want to name out loud, the weight of everything Yelena is trying to hold back from Ava too because it is not their business to resolve, but only yours.

And while you're deep down aware of the problem, you’re not exactly sure how to do it.

—

Things get worse before they get better.

That was all you heard during your whole life, and so far, the saying had proven itself to be true.

Only now, things only seem to get more awful as you go on. 

Because you cannot, despite everything you have tried, stop thinking about how stupid everything gets whenever you try to stop thinking about it and eventually end up only thinking about it more.

Because as you watch Bob dig through the crates of the record store while you’re supposed to do the same, you can't help but face the fact that there is no one else you would rather do this with, and trying to bury your feelings only makes them resurface and hurt tenfold.

You know pulling away isn’t the solution and can barely be considered as an option – he’s still one of your closest friends and you don’t want to hurt him that way, and the idea of losing him altogether is unbearable. 

And maybe all of this is what makes it all the more complicated.

So trying to find someone else to have feelings for still seems like the best solution despite not going great so far, but you have to give it a try, you have to find a way out of this dead end. 

You have to give that date tonight your best chance.

That’s the only solution you see when you stare at Bob.

“I found grace” Bob says suddenly, hands braced on the edge of a crate, tearing you out of your thoughts.

You blink, suddenly snapped back to reality, the distant sound of Soundgarden playing from the speakers of the shop clearer now that it’s not just your thoughts overtaking your brain. You squint at Bob, frowning in confusion. “Huh?”

“The album. Grace. Jeff Buckley” he makes clear as he lifts the record slightly to show you the album cover, chuckling softly when he realizes how it sounded.

“Oh, right” you let out a soft, breathy laugh. “Nice” you smile.

“You can have it,” he offers, pulling it out from the vertical pile. 

“Nah don’t be stupid. You found it” you chuckle, watching as he nods in surrender before tucking the record under his arm. 

It had become a thing, your thing. To go and search through local record stores after you both had established wanting to get a physical copy of all of your favorite albums – sharing the same taste made it a little more interesting, and it felt special to share that activity. Borderline intimate, even. Which in the actual context, makes it worse for you. 

“Are you alright?” he eventually asks, noticing you don’t seem fully present. 

You give him a quiet approval, trying to ignore the front pieces of his hair falling in front of his eyes and how much you would want to push them away if you weren’t actively trying to get over him. 

“We should go to that place you like. The one with the carrot cake” he suggests, smiling when he sees your face light up at the offer. “I think we have enough time before I have to go to my therapy session”

—

Bob enters Yelena's room without even knocking, much against his habits – he considers apologizing for the matter of half a second before the reason he's here floods back at him in urgency and nothing else seems important anymore. “I need to talk to you about something.”

She raises an eyebrow in interest as she quickly glances up from her phone, letting him know that despite being busy, she's ready to listen. “Sure.”

“It's serious,” Bob adds, voice low with gravity. 

Yelena is quick to toss her phone aside and give him her full attention, concerned by his tone, foot pushing to the floor so her chair can spin towards his direction. “Okay, spit it out.”

“I–” he starts, eyes closing momentarily when he lets go of the loose thread he's been pulling at on his flannel to scratch his forehead, an uncomfortable smile over his face. He thinks of backing out, considers it for a moment, but he knows he’s not a coward, knows he shouldn’t be, and knows he has to go through with it before it’s too late.

Yelena waits, watches Bob intently as his mouth opens to no sound, moving like he's unsure how to articulate whatever he wants to say. 

“I know,” she eventually grins before he can begin to talk, too impatient to not pull the rug from under his feet and make it easier for him, guessing what it's all about from seeing the nervous expression over his face just from having to word it out loud. And as much as she would like to hear him say and finally admit it, she's the last person who officially needs to hear about it.

“What?” he frowns, confused. “I didn’t even say anything yet” he chuckles, borderline offended that she caught him off guard with such force and ease.

“I know what you're going to say, and I don't even want you to say it because I'm not the one you should be saying it to” Yelena shrugs, mouth twisting into a grin. 

Bob doesn’t know what to say, not really. His mouth closes in defeat though it’s barely one, his neck suddenly itching from the anxiety growing from the pit of his stomach.

“It’s all over your face, Bob. Has been for a while. And you shouldn’t even need my opinion. Go for it” Yelena nods, a supportive smile tugging at her lips. “You got this.”

—

You set on wearing the exact same thing you did on that previous, disastrous date. 

If you were superstitious, you would probably throw it back into your closet and never pull it out for that kind of occasions again, but it happens to be an efficient outfit on all the other levels aside from whatever factor it was that made your other date bust, and looking good and feeling comfortable is an undeniable privilege that is worth keeping.

You feel strangely excited – it’s so surprising that you start to wonder if there’s not something you’re leaving out of the equation, but you easily roll with the fact that you for once believe things could go well and decide not to question it.

You leave the pieces of clothes folded onto your bed like a physical representation of your procrastination – maybe that the later you will wear it, the later you will start anticipating and feeling nervous about that date, but preparing things so early when your date is far away as four hours already attests to how much you’re deep down overthinking it. 

When you join the common room in hopes you will channel your energy into something and it turns out to be completely vacant, you’re not so sure what your plan is; you’re even starting to wish even Walker was here, which attests to how strange everything feels at the moment. 

You catch glance of a sheet of paper on the floor and immediately assume it got loose from one of Bucky’s files – you know he likes working here on the rare occasions the room happens to be less than half empty, so you pick it up and put it back over the table so he knows it’s here. 

The room is so quiet it has you looking out the window like it is the only thing you can busy yourself with. You’ve grown so used to the view that you sometimes forget how impressive it actually is, that high up above New York. 

When you turn around after a few moments of watching the other buildings and thinking about how intimidating they look as opposed to their view at night, you go and pour yourself a glass of water, picking and filling another one when the light sound of Bob’s footsteps echo through the empty room when he finds you. 

“Don't go on that date tonight”

The unexpected mention of the subject from him shakes something within you, and you still for a second, eyes meeting him as you put the jug of water back down. “What?”

“Please don’t go on that date.” Bob repeats, his voice gentler this time, less firm. 

“Why?” you let go of the glass in your hand.

A short silence hangs for a second before he talks, like he’s waiting and contemplating before the bomb goes off. But there’s no turning back now, he knows that. “I see how much it has you struggling, don’t tell me it’s doing you any good” he frowns softly.

Your eyebrows raise, your gaze shifting back down at your glass of water. He has a point, but in the long run, you don’t want it to remain true, and you don’t even see why it would matter that much to him. “It’s not, but I have to give it a better try, and I’m actually confident about that date, so,” you explain in your own defense, even though it sounds more like you’re trying to convince yourself. “I can’t just sit around and wait for it to happen” you shrug.

“It's happening right now,” he chuckles uncomfortably. 

He forces himself to take a steadying breath when he sees the small frown growing from confusion over your face, and he gathers all the confidence he couldn’t get for months before he says it. 

“I like you,” he declares. 

It should feel like the world stops there, but it doesn’t, so he goes on. “And it’s getting really exhausting pretending I don’t” he huffs out in a nervous admission, hands gesturing at his sides.

No matter how intensely he tries to read your gaze at that moment, nothing gives away the way you’re taking in the information – the confusion is etched all over your face, like a mask that hides everything else. 

Your mouth opens before it closes, opening again just a second later. “Wha– why didn’t you tell me sooner?” 

His mouth tightens into a strained smile. “Uh… I figured I wasn’t worth it” he shrugs indifferently, like what he’s admitting about himself is barely important. “Still kinda do,” he admits, head tilting slightly. “But my therapist– we've been working on opening up. I've been working on opening up” he nods in earnest. “That's what I'm doing right now” he affirms, voice quieter with endearing awkwardness.

It’s what it must feel like when machines short circuit, because you have no idea how to function anymore, how to go on from there, what to say. 

You let out a breath you barely realize you had been repressing, one that holds all the disbelief of the situation, and despite that relief, your chest remains tight from his confession – you don’t think this one feeling is going to go away so easily. 

“Bob I thought you didn’t–” you halt, unsure what to pick out to say out of the whirlwind of things coming and going inside your head. “I’ve been trying to tell you” you blurt out. “That night I came back drunk.” 

“What?” he asks, face twisting in bewilderment.

You nod, lips pinching into a half amused smile. “I thought you would never ask me out, and it’s the exact reason I put myself on that dating app” you explain.

Bob breaks into a stunned chuckle, hand coming to rub at his eyes. “So you’re telling me it was right there and…”

“Mhm,” you nod, huffing out a laugh. 

You both shift into a soft laughter from how you have obliviously made things complicated between you, and when it quiets down, the atmosphere falls back to seriousness again, but now that everything is let loose in between you, the dynamic feels relaxed in a whole other way, like that previous overwhelming tension had been looming over your heads.

“So…” he rests a hand against the table, leaning onto his side. “Date offer can still stand, but, y’know…” his head tilts to the side teasingly. “With me”

Your chest rises with a quiet inhale, shaken by how fast your heart rate has managed to rise. “Okay,” you say softly, grinning at the idea of a proper date with him – it suddenly changes the whole aspect of going on a date for you.

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” you smile.

He blinks, then that smile, the one that makes your stomach flip every single time without fail, grows across his face like he still can't really believe it, like he had stepped into this without expecting anything but walked out with everything. “Okay,” he repeats, voice gentler now, like he’s really taking it in.

“Hey, just one thing,” you ask, making him raise an eyebrow expectantly. “I think we should keep it on the low and enjoy it for a little before the team starts to make fun of us.”

—

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[violentdelightsandviolentends]

that old cliché.

you swore you’d never give in to the maid of honour and best man cliche. and then you met evan buckley.

evan buckley x female reader

warnings - smut. cursing. alcohol. buck’s a filthy flirt.

word count - 6k

authors note - and so she returns!! thank you all so much for your loveliness on my post about my break - I appreciate it more than you know. this one was so much fun to write. i’ve not written any longer stuff for buck, but he’s a character I feel that I have a really good understanding of - I actually think we’re very alike - so this came so easy. hope you love it as much as I do. <3

masterlist. inbox.

Silvery melodies of laughter clink off the rim of the champagne flute you hold in your freshly manicured hand. As the gentle breeze whips through the material of your dress, you look around you, realising you’ve never seen so many people so happy at once.

The backyard of the Italian villa is packed, dozens of guests milling around - dancing, drinking, chatting and catching up. Family, friends, colleagues; people from every phase of the bride and grooms life, all celebrating together in one place.

A rocks glass is placed down onto the table in front of you with a thud. Looking up, you’re met with the sight of the best man towering over you expectantly with a drink in his hand.

“Evan.”

“Hi gorgeous.”

You scoff, staring up at him through your lashes.

“What’s this?”

“A drink.”

“Yeah. But why?”

“It’s whiskey. I watched you grimace every time you had to drink the champagne, so I thought you’d want something different.”

You swirl the glass, listening to the tinkle of the ice against the sides.

“You were watching me, huh?”

“Of course I was. Can’t take my eyes off you in that dress.”

“Shut up,” you chide, fighting to keep the grin off your face. “I’m not doing this with you.”

“Doing what, exactly?”

“The whole best man and maid of honour thing. It’s just too cliched.”

He laughs all hearty and genuine, and you poignantly ignore the way the butterflies start fluttering in your stomach.

“Then why do you keep looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you want to eat me.”

Now it’s your turn to laugh, shaking your head at him.

“Yeah, right. In your dreams, Evan.”

“Oh, you will be,” he winks, knocking his glass against yours in a quick cheers before walking off to the find the groom.

You watch him go, not completely oblivious to the way his suit fits him just right. Determined to stand your ground, you inhale a deep breath before taking a sip of your drink. The drink that definitely isn’t exactly what you needed. The drink that he’d practically read your mind to figure out. Effortlessly.

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

It’s been like this all day.

You met Evan Buckley for the first time last night, at the rehearsal dinner. The bride, your best friend in the world, kept telling you that you’d love the best man.

“He’s from California,” she’d said. “He’s Danny’s friend from when they were kids. He’s a firefighter, babe. He’s hot.”

You’d laughed it off, zipping up the back of her dress while she watched you in the mirror.

“Oh, come on. That’s so cliched. The whole maid of honour and best man thing is so old, Lucy.”

“You’re single, he’s single,” she’d protested. “It’d do you some good to get laid, relieve some stress. And people let their guards down at weddings. Now’s your chance.”

“If I wanted to get laid, I’d get laid,” you scoffed.

“All I’m saying is that Buck is completely your type. He’s gorgeous, he’s funny, he’s sweet. And you’re gonna have to spend a fair bit of time together tonight and tomorrow, so… just keep an open mind.”

“Fine,” you soothed, rolling your eyes. “Mind wide open. Alright?”

“You’re gonna love him.”

“You said that already.”

“Because I really believe it. You’re gonna love him.”

And the problem is… she was kind of right.

No, you don’t love him. You’ve known him for 48 hours. But… there’s something.

Lucy wasn’t lying. He is gorgeous, and funny, and sweet. And hot. So hot. He showed up to the rehearsal dinner in dress pants and a linen shirt, all sun kissed and muscled and tanned and stunning.

The two of you were seated next to each other, planned so carefully by the bride and groom. One minute you were making cautious introductions, shaking hands and smiling gently. The next minute you were crying with laughter, clutching at his bicep as he grabs your thigh, legs intertwined and chairs pulled together.

Lucy and Danny nudge each other occasionally, watching the both of you get along like two old friends that have known each other forever. A look passes between them that says I told you so clear as day.

But you’re stubborn. Too stubborn, some may say. You know you’ll never hear the end of it from your friends if you give into this very alluring temptation, and perhaps your pride means a bit more to you than it should. So you resist, you refuse to give in. Even if you really want to.

And that was just last night. Today has been even worse.

By worse, you mean the connection between you and Evan has grown even stronger. You walked down the aisle with him, arm linked with his, both dressed up to the nines. The maid of honour and the best man, a perfect picture.

You haven’t been able to keep your hands off each other all day. Little touches - his fingers on the small of your back, your grip on his bicep, shoulders brushing and thighs pressed together. Nothing crazy, but nothing meaningless, either. There’s an undeniable electricity buzzing between you, hot and alive.

You’re not sure how much longer you can deny it.

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

You’re dancing with Lucy and her little nieces when you hear yelling and commotion coming from the other side of the dance floor. Looking over, you see Danny, Evan and other groomsmen flailing around and fussing.

“What happened?” Lucy’s yelling, making her way over with you in tow.

“Just a drink spillage, Luce! But it’s red wine, and now Buck’s shirt is pink.”

You look at the man in question and can’t help but laugh. His crisp white dress shirt is now a pretty shade of pink across the front, his cheeks a rosy colour to match.

“Stop laughing,” he chides, but he’s grinning at you as he says it. “I need to go and change. I have a spare shirt in my suitcase upstairs.”

He starts to leave, but soon turns around and calls your name.

“I don’t have a key for that big door at the end of the hallway to get to our rooms. Do you?”

“Yeah, it’s in my purse. You want it?”

“Just come with me. It’ll be easier.”

Before you can argue, he’s taken off, big strides across the garden. You have to practically run in your heels to keep up with him, shaking your head in frustration.

“I could have just given you this,” you say when you reach the door, unlocking it for him.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

The smirk he gives you is so cheeky, it’s a wonder you don’t smack it off his face. Cocky bastard.

“You’re so annoying,” you mumble, walking with purpose to his room.

“Come in with me? It’ll only take a minute, then we can walk back together.”

You know you should say no, tell him that you’ll meet him downstairs. But you don’t. Instead, you say,

“Fine. But hurry up. I don’t wanna miss the party.”

“Yes ma’am,” he mock salutes, unlocking the door to his room that’s conveniently directly across from yours.

You take a seat on the edge of the bed, trying to avoid watching him undress. He shrugs off his now pink shirt, taking it with him into the bathroom.

You’re surprised at how tidy everything is. Not that you think Evan would be particularly messy, but he doesn’t strike you as a neat and clean type. His suitcase is unpacked into the closet, bed made, nothing on the floor. It only makes you like him more.

“Can you grab my other shirt from the closet please, gorgeous? The one I wore last night for the rehearsal dinner.”

You swing the two doors open and rifle around, failing to see the linen button up that he’s looking for. Suddenly, you feel a warmth behind you, Buck’s solid form caging you in. He reaches around you, arm brushing yours as he finds what he needs.

“Found it,” he murmurs into your ear, all low and honeyed.

Against your better judgment, you turn around, finding yourself face to face with him. He towers over you, watching your reactions carefully. Your hands reach out and rest on his bare chest, steadying yourself before you either fall over or pass out.

Buck gently traces your bottom lip with his thumb, eyes completely locked on yours. You have to resist every urge to either bite it or suck it into your mouth, reminding yourself that now isn’t the time. The noise from the garden floats up and through the window that’s cracked open slightly, tethering you to the reality that is slowly fading away the longer you hold Evan’s gaze.

He leans in, and to your surprise, doesn’t kiss you immediately. Pressing his forehead to yours, he inhales deeply, as if committing the moment to memory. His thumbs are now tracing gentle circles on your jaw, soft and callous at the same time. You inhale slowly, processing the scent of his cologne mixed with the evening breeze. If you could bottle it up, you think, you’d be a millionaire. This would cure everything.

Buck finally closes down the gap between you, inching towards your lips softly. You shut your eyes, waiting for him to finally kiss you - when there’s deafening knocking on the door. The two of you jump apart, hearts pounding and nerves on a live wire.

Evan strides over to the source of the noise, taking a deep breath to try and compose himself as he goes. You perch on the edge of the bed, smoothing down your dress and attempting to look as inconspicuous as possible.

“Buck? Dude, it’s Jake. Hurry up, yeah? The guys wanna do our dance routine before everyone gets too drunk to remember it.”

He doesn’t bother opening the door, just yells back through the wood.

“Yeah, sure - I’ll be down in a minute!”

You hear Jake’s footsteps retreat, both of you exhaling the breaths you didn’t know you’d been holding. Buck looks at you, worried that the moment’s been ruined, to find you stifling a laugh behind your hand.

“There’s a dance routine?”

“Shut up,” he grumbles, fighting to keep the grin off his face. “We created it years ago. The guys won’t let it die.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to see this.”

You’re cackling, reclining onto the duvet as you laugh.

“Stop,” he groans, jumping over to flop onto his back on the bed next to you. “I did a lot of regrettable things in college… and that routine is definitely the worst of it.”

“I hope you know that you’re never going to live this down, Buckley. I’ll be reminding you of this forever.”

“Oh yeah?” he asks, propping himself up on his elbow so he can look at you. “You really like me, huh?”

“What the hell gave you that impression?”

“You said forever. What’s next, honey? You gonna get down on one knee later?”

You’re suddenly aware of the warmth of the whiskey flowing through your veins, giving you a liquid confidence that stuns both you and the man lying next to you.

“Two knees, maybe. But not one.”

His eyes go wide as you smirk, pulling yourself off the bed and making your way over to the door. Buck watches you carefully, gaze steady and firm.

“You coming? I’m more than ready to see those moves of yours.”

He stands up, slipping on his shoes and shrugging the clean shirt onto his broad shoulders. You grab your purse, leaning against the doorframe as you wait.

Evan reaches past you for the door handle, nose purposely brushing yours as he does it.

“I’ll hold you to what you said before,” he murmurs, moving a strand of hair away from your face softly. “Don’t think I won’t.”

You look up at him with big doe eyes, like butter wouldn’t melt.

“Sure, Evan,” you reply lowly. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Breaking away from him, you swing the door open, strutting down the hallway without looking back. Your confidence has sky rocketed, knowing that he wants this just as badly as you do. You walk back out to the garden and take your earlier seat, ready for the show you’ve been promised.

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

The dance routine is spectacular.

It’s cheesy and hilarious and very early 2000s inspired - it’s almost like watching a music video from a boy band you loved when you were a teenager. It should embarrass you, turn you off majorly, but… it doesn’t. It only does the opposite.

Everything Buck does makes you like him more.

You spend the rest of the evening dancing, laughing, and floating on cloud nine. In a garden in Italy, surrounded by your best friends - you can’t think of anywhere else you’d rather be.

As the evening dwindles to an end, everyone slowly begins making their way back to their rooms within the villa. You sit down, unbuckling your heels to finally give your feet a rest. It almost feels like deja vu when a rocks glass is placed down in front of you on the table.

“Hi, Evan.”

“Hi gorgeous.”

“What’s this?”

“A drink.”

“Yes, but why?”

He pulls out the chair in front of you and sits down, looking at you intently.

“Thought we could have a nightcap before we go upstairs.”

You look around to find that mostly everyone has decided to call it a day. You can see Lucy and Danny walking off hand in hand, going for a stroll around the grounds before they let the wedding officially be over. It just leaves you and Buck, sat in your original places.

“Is this Baileys?”

“Yes ma’am. Do you like it? I figured you probably wouldn’t want another whiskey, seeing as you’ve had so many.”

You scoff, trying to fight the grin that threatens to take over your face.

“I’ve had, like, four, thank you very much.”

He holds his hands up in mock surrender, making you chuckle as you shake your head.

“Cheers, Evan,” you toast, clinking your glass against his matching one. “We did it. A wedding without a hitch. Mostly.”

“My shirt will never be white again, but besides that, we did a pretty good job.”

“We make a good team.”

He looks slightly taken aback by your honesty, trying to hide his smirk.

“Yes, we do. A super hot, super funny team.”

“A super hot, super funny team.”

You both laugh, heads thrown back with no cares in the world. Buck shuffles his chair forward so his legs are slotted on either side of you, warm skin radiating into yours. The moonlight is glinting off of his cheekbones, illuminating the light streaks in his hair. You’re a little tipsy and much too tired to fully fight your feelings anymore.

He’s beautiful, and you’re sick of denying it.

The two of you finish off your drinks, sat in a comfortable silence beneath the starry night sky. His hand has found its way onto your thigh, thumb rubbing gentle patterns into your bare skin. You’re sneaking glances at him when he looks away, admiring the way he’s glowing, buzzed off of the alcohol and the excitement of the day. He’s doing the same with you, soft smile etched onto his face as he watches you gaze up at the stars above your heads.

A yawn escapes you, making both of you chuckle.

“I’ll walk you to your room?”

“Well, you better. I’m the only one of us with a key for that big door.”

He laughs even harder, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I forgot about that. If you weren’t here, I’d have slept on the floor in the hallway or something.”

“Probably wouldn’t be the first time,” you mutter, standing up and tucking your chair under the table.

“Sorry, what was that? Say it again? Hmm? Hmm?” he wraps his arms around your middle, spinning you so your feet are no longer on the floor.

“Okay, okay! Put me down before I throw up,” you shriek, giggling like a teenager.

He places you back down, hands on your hips to steady you. You look up at him, keeping your eyes fixed on his to steady yourself from the dizziness. When you feel ready to go, you clear your throat, willing yourself to walk away before you kiss him stupid.

“We should go to bed,” you whisper, afraid to ruin the moment.

“Yeah?”

“Separate beds,” you tell him sternly, chuckling when he cackles.

“Yes ma’am.”

Buck walks you back to your room in a gentlemanly fashion, looping your arm through his to keep you both upright. When you reach your door, your fingers linger on the handle, as if you’re not quite ready to go inside just yet.

Reaching out gently, he moves a strand of hair from your face, fingertips brushing your cheekbone as he does it. You sigh softly, eyes fluttering shut at the sweet contact.

“Goodnight, gorgeous,” he murmurs lowly. “Sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight.”

He takes a step back towards his door when you speak again.

“Evan?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Everything, today. You’ve been a damn good best man.”

“Well, thank you. For being the best maid of honour.”

You nod, smiling like an idiot as you unlock your door and shut it behind you. You take a deep breath when you’re finally inside, throwing down your heels onto the floor and your purse onto the side table. Reaching behind you, your fingers tug at the zipper on your dress, attempting to pull it down.

It’s only now you realise your dilemma. The zipper is on an awkward place on your back, right where you can’t get to. You think quickly back to this morning - one of the bridesmaids doing the dress up for you, pulling the material taut as she fastened it. You’re not going to be able to get this off yourself.

Finding the purse that you discarded minutes earlier, you aim to find a hair clip. If you can loop a bobby pin into the zipper, you think, you might be able to pull it yourself. You root around in it for a second, before pulling out two phones.

Well, fuck.

You’d completely forgotten that Evan had given it to you earlier in the evening, worried that it was going to get broken if it stayed in his back pocket. You’d tucked it away and not thought about it again.

Until now.

Now, you’re realising that you’re going to have to go and give it back. He probably hasn’t remembered that you have it, otherwise you’re sure he’d be knocking on the door or yelling across the hallway.

You stand in the middle of your room, with two phones and a stuck zipper, wondering if the universe thinks this is funny.

You’re certainly not laughing.

✵  ✵    ·　 ✵ 　　 *  · ✵

“Evan?”

He swings the door open, facing you in his suit trousers with no shirt on.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah. I, uh, I have your phone.”

Holding it out to him, his fingertips brush yours as he takes it from you, sending a shiver up your spine.

“Oh, shit. I forgot about this. Thanks, pretty.”

“Of course.”

You stand and look at each other for a second, so much left unsaid.

“Can I ask you for a favour?”

“Anything.”

His instantly willingness has butterflies fluttering in your stomach, flitting and lightweight and undeniable.

“Can you help me get my dress off?”

When he smirks and goes to speak, you cut him off quickly.

“The zipper is stuck, Evan. Alice zipped me up this morning and I can’t undo it by myself.”

“This is a very long winded way of asking me to get you naked, gorgeous.”

You scoff, rolling your eyes.

“If that’s what I wanted, I would just ask you, Buckley.”

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“Can you help me or not?”

He’s laughing, now, head thrown back with it. You hate the way it makes your heart sing.

“You coming in? Or you want me to undress you in the hallway?”

“You’re not undressing- fuck, you’re annoying.”

He’s still chuckling when he ushers you inside, shutting the door firmly behind you both.

“How do you wanna do this? Lights on, lights off? Curtains open or shut? Music? Candles?”

“Undo the damn zipper before I smack you.”

His laughter is rumbling through his chest, contagious in its nature. You want to be angry at him, but you just can’t seem to find it in you.

“Turn around, gorgeous.”

You spin to face the door, taking a deep breath as you anticipate his touch. You feel his warmth behind you, fingertips dancing over the skin of your shoulders before they reach your zipper. You can’t see him, but you can envisage the sight - his broad chest, thick neck, that beautiful sun kissed glow he’s developed over the past few days. Your lungs heave as the room suddenly feels like it’s a thousand degrees.

Buck slides the zipper down your back slowly, with intent and clarity. When it reaches your coccyx, he stops, resting his other hand on your hip to keep you steady.

You know you should step away, maybe throw him a quick thanks as you leave. But you do believe in fate, whether you like to admit it or not - and this entire night has felt like it’s been written in the stars.

Who are you to deny what the universe is so clearly gifting you?

You let your arms relax, sighing as the dress falls off of you and down to the floor. You step out of it, finally turning around to face Buck wearing nothing but your lacy white underwear. Surprisingly, there’s not an ounce of self consciousness in your body. The only thing you feel is desire.

For the first time since you’ve met him, Evan is completely speechless. His eyes rove over you, drinking in the sight in front of him, and he has to remind himself to breathe.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he whispers in awe, fingers itching to reach out and touch you. “The minute I first saw you, I couldn’t believe you were real.”

“Evan?”

“Yeah?”

“Touch me, please.”

He grins, surging forward to cup your cheek with one hand while the other finds its home on your waist.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

“Finally.”

Buck leans in and presses his lips to yours surprisingly gently, testing the waters. You tangle your fingers into his hair, pulling him as close as possible. He gets the message, reeling you in and deepening the kiss until you can’t tell where he ends and you begin.

You’re being walked backwards and into the wall, pushed up against it for leverage. You hike a leg up over Bucks hip, groaning when the two of you grind forwards at the same time. His hands are everywhere - your face, tits, ass, waist - anywhere he can reach. It’s like he’s not quite sure where he wants them, as if he’s worried he’ll leave somewhere untouched.

“You’re all I’ve thought about for two days,” he’s muttering into your neck as he leaves open mouthed kisses on your skin. “Driving me crazy.”

“I got myself off last night,” you breathe, eyes fluttering shut when he sucks at the spot under your ear. “Thinking about you.”

“Fuck,” he moans, sinking down to his knees in front of you. “Tell me more. Please.”

It’s almost biblical, the sight of him. On his knees, practically begging, looking up at you like you’re his saviour. You’re dizzy with the power, blood rushing straight to your head.

Buck presses kisses into your leg, starting at your calves and moving up. When he gets to your inner thigh, he gazes up at you, pleading with his eyes for you to continue.

“Tell me more or I’ll stop,” he says sternly, hooking his fingers into your underwear to pull them down and off.

“Okay, okay,” you pant, dropping your head back against the wall. “I, I- I couldn’t stop thinking about your arms in that shirt. The, the, the-”

You’re stuttering as he licks a stripe up your core, diving in with no hesitation. His fingers are gripping your thighs so hard you know it’ll bruise, and you can’t wait to feel the imprints in the morning.

“The?”

He’s pulled away to look at you with his brow quirked, dirty smirk etched across his face.

“Keep going, gorgeous. You haven’t even got to the good part. Neither of us have.”

You scoff at him in defiance, but slide your fingers into his hair to tug him back to where you want him.

“You looked so strong,” you continue, sighing when his tongue finds your core again. “Kept thinking about how easily you could throw me around. Pick me up, sit me on your face…”

Buck groans, all deep and rumbled, and the vibrations have your legs going weak. He doubles down on his efforts, slipping his tongue inside as his nose nudges your clit. He’s a fast learner, taking mental note of the spots and pressures that make your knees buckle.

“Keep going,” he mumbles into your core.

“You keep going,” you retort, pulling at his hair.

He chuckles but obliges your request, sucking your clit into his mouth with purpose. You’re shaking, holding onto him for dear life as you reach your climax. The moan you let out is borderline pornographic, and it has Buck palming himself over his suit trousers with a groan.

“Fuck, Evan,” you pant, chest heaving as you slump into the wall. “You need to grab me before I collapse. My legs are jelly.”

Laughing as he does it, he stands up and wraps his arms around your middle, holding you against him as tightly as he can.

“You okay?” he asks, pressing a kiss into your hair.

“Better than ever.”

He rests his lips on your forehead, both of you breathing each other in for a moment.

“Can’t believe you were right across the hallway from me, trying to be quiet while you were getting yourself off,” he murmurs, fingers running up and down your back. “You should have come over here. I would have helped you.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” you tease, cupping his face in your hands. “I was still acting like I didn’t wanna rip your clothes off back then.”

“Knew you’d crack eventually,” he winks, grinning when you laugh.

You pull him into you for a kiss that’s all teeth and tongue, clearly telling him exactly what you want.

“You gonna fuck me, Evan? Or are we just gonna stand here all night?”

He shakes his head with a smirk before throwing you onto the bed, chuckling when you almost bounce back off. As he starts to crawl over to you, you stop him with a foot on his chest.

“Nuh uh. You’re wearing too many clothes. Strip, Buckley.”

“Yes ma’am.”

He’s standing up immediately, unbuttoning his pants and pulling them off in one fell swoop. His boxers are next, leaving him stood bare and beautiful in front of you.

“Fuck. You’re not real,” you breathe out, eyes dancing over him.

“Oh I am so real,” he’s reassuring, situating himself on top of you.

You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him down so you can grind your hips into his.

“I’ve been waiting two days for this,” you murmur into his lips. “Make it worth my while, please.”

“Careful what you wish for,” he teases, kissing you again with such a force that you’re dizzy.

Buck sucks a bruise into your collarbone, licking a stripe up your sternum and tasting the salt that sits on your skin. Your patience is wearing thinner and thinner, anticipation bubbling up in your veins.

“How’d you want it?” he whispers into your ear.

“Just- deep. Wanna feel you for the rest of the weekend.”

He groans, a breathless chuckle leaving his lips.

“Anything you want, gorgeous. I’ll give you anything you want. Anything in the world.”

His lust drunk rambling makes you giggle, wiggling your hips into his to hopefully hurry him up. You tug at his hair, pulling his face so it’s level with yours.

“Now, Evan. Can’t wait any longer. Please.”

“Fuck. You’re so pretty when you beg.”

He lines himself up, pressing his forehead to yours as the two of you connect. He’s big and he’s stretching you out just right and you think you might have died and gone to heaven. You both groan, panting into each others mouths.

“Fuck, baby. It’s like you were made for me.”

The baby sends warmth running through both your core and your heart, all the signals setting your nervous system on fire.

“Please,” you whimper, kissing him with desperation as you tangle your fingers in his curls and pull. “Please, Evan.”

“I’ve got you,” he’s mumbling, pulling his hips back and sliding them forwards with clear intent.

Reaching up beside your head, Buck pulls a pillow down and situates it under your hips, putting you where he wants you.

“Want you to feel me as deep as possible,” he murmurs, tucking his head into the crook of your neck. “Won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

You can only moan at the promise, praying he delivers. There’s a shiny sheen of sweat covering his sun kissed skin, making him glow in the moonlight like some sort of angel. Sent just for you.

Buck sets a steady rhythm, not too fast but just fast enough. He clearly knows what he’s doing, and you ignore the pang of jealousy in your chest at the idea of him with another woman, even in the past.

Now that you’ve had a taste of this, you don’t want to let it go.

He’s pressing kisses onto whatever skin he can reach - your neck, your collarbone, underneath your ear. His hips never cease, determined to get you both to where you need to be. When he hitches one of your legs over his waist, you can’t help but drop your head back, eyes fluttering shut at the new angle.

He tilts his hips upwards, and hits a spot that has you keening. Speech has left you, and all you can do now is take it like you were made for it.

“Right there? Yeah? That’s it, isn’t it?”

You nod frantically, sucking in a shuddering breath like you’ve been under water. Your legs have started to shake, and Buck’s grinning when he thinks about how far he can push you before you’re at your limit.

“Come on, pretty girl. Give it to me.”

You’re so close you can taste it, desperate to find this release that’s been building for the last forty eight hours. When Buck moves his hand from your hip to your throat and squeezes just slightly, you snap.

You’re coming with a breathless moan, back arching into him to plaster your fronts together.

“Shit, you look so beautiful when you come. Jesus.”

You manage a soft smile, looking up at him to see those bright eyes staring into yours. He looks entranced, as if he’s staring at a piece in an art gallery. You swipe his hair back from his sweaty forehead, teasing your thumb across his bottom lip. When he sucks it into his mouth, your jaw drops open, mind foggy with arousal.

“Think you can give me another one? Let me see you come all pretty again?” he asks around your digit, tongue laving over your skin.

“Mhmm,” you’re agreeing before you can even process it, eager to please.

“That’s my girl.”

He moves your fingers from his mouth back into his hair as his find your throat once more, applying a little pressure. His hips pick up their pace, faster and harder than before. He’s fucking you into the mattress, strong arms keeping you from sliding off the bed.

He looks breathtaking, on top of you like this. He’s so broad, towering over you like he’ll shield you from the entire world if he has to. It feels like it’s just the two of you in the whole universe, unbothered by anything or anyone else.

“Buck- I… I-”

“I know, baby. Can feel it. Atta girl.”

You pull him down to kiss you as you reach your third climax of the night, arms wrapping around his neck so every inch of you is pressed together.

“There we go, good girl. That’s it, yeah. It’s yours, baby. It’s all yours.”

Buck finally finds his release, triggered by yours. His head drops into your neck, his frantic breath tickling your skin. You murmur sweet nothings into his ear, talking him through it as he shudders and shakes. Eventually, he collapses completely onto you, body weight pinning you down.

You’re both heaving for air, lungs burning as you try to regain an ounce of composure.

He murmurs something into your shoulder, the vibrations of it rumbling through your bones.

“Hmm?”

“You called me Buck.”

A breathless laugh escapes you, silvery and melodic.

“I’ve been trying not to for two days.”

“I know. You thought you were making a point.”

“I was making a point.”

“Sure, honey. Sure.”

“I hate you,” you grumble, but you can’t wipe the grin off your face. “I also hate that we’ve just made Lucy and Danny the happiest people ever.”

“Oh, shit. I hate it when they’re right.”

He pulls his head from your neck to look at you, resting his cheek against your chest so he can gaze up and into your eyes.

“I’m sure we can keep this a secret for a little while.”

“Yeah… we can’t.”

You quirk your brow at him in a silent question.

“I told Danny I was gonna marry you the minute you walked into the rehearsal dinner in that red dress. Can’t hide how I feel about you, gorgeous. It’s physically impossible.”

You can’t help but laugh, running your fingers through his hair to scratch at his scalp.

“Take me on a date first. Then we’ll talk about marriage, okay?”

“You did say forever, earlier.”

“That I did. Maybe my heart knew something my brain didn’t.”

Buck grins up at you, all blinding and giddy.

“The best man and the maid of honour, huh?”

“That old cliche,” you chuckle. “We weren’t the first, and we won’t be the last.”

“You’ll be my last, gorgeous.”

“Real smooth, Buck. Real smooth.”

“Buck,” he whispers, half in amusement, half in awe.

He could get used to this. You both could.

as always, reblogs are like gold to writers. if you enjoyed this, please reblog!! it’s invaluable <3

@peachysink @jjamjamie @alipap3 @spookyysinsanity @sophiah2253 @annaaaaanguyenn

[buckysm]

2:15 am (and i miss you)

ᯓ★part one, part two,

ᯓ★ Bucky Barnes x fem ex hydra AVENGER reader

ᯓ★ part one word count 6k+

ᯓ★a/n: junie’s first post— so please show some love— i hope you like!! my inbox is always open to chat! (minor edits on jan 27) (more edits on mar 11)

ᯓ★ summary: In the quiet hours of the night, you and Bucky find solace in an unexpected friendship built on sleepless conversations and cigarettes. Slowly, walls come down, and a bond forms, kept hidden from the team. But when crisis strikes, the Avengers are shocked to discover just how deep that connection runs—and just how far you’d go for each other. (i wrote this bc of a little fantasy of being in a secret situationship with bucky and the team finding out when bucky goes feral after reader goes missing during a mission)

ᯓ★ warnings/ tags/ tropes for the whole series: canon? what canon?, haters to lovers -- except you never hated him and he just resented you-- midnight rendezvous, friends to lovers, Anxiety, angst and fluff and smut,  Bucky Needs a Hug, Protective Bucky Barnes Bucky Barnes issues related to past trauma, not so platonic cuddling, slow burn, jealous Bucky Barnes Miscommunication, Mentions of torture off screen (to be added and expanded as i post part two) NOT BETA READ

These are the hands of fate/ You're my Achilles heel/ This is the golden age of something good and right and real

It started with a cigarette.

It started when he had lent you a lighter. He did not smoke, and you didn’t ask why he had one.  

For him, it started months before then.

Bucky was barely coping when you joined the team. His days were muddled by an eternal haze of anger and frustration…His life had been stolen from him, along with his memories from before. He did not feel like he deserved redemption. He had done terrible things, had had horrible things done to him.

He found himself disassociating whenever he wasn’t on a mission. He did not feel real; he couldn’t joke around and feel good without betraying his past. Yet, his past was real; it happened. But Bucky couldn’t just move on, couldn’t just exist without the churning in his gut telling him he was dirty, he was dripping in sin, tarnished by the red in his ledger, filthy to the point of no return.

When he was told about you, his body turned taut with trepidation. Two sides of the same coin. You were injected with serum just like him. Made to do things and had things done to you just like him. And he had heard of you. They had called you serpiente, the serpent, the snake. You were deadly and never made a mistake. No one knew any identifying details about you, not even your gender. 

And it was his mistake, thinking you were a man. He yearned to be understood; maybe he would find companionship in you.

But then, you were not a man. The first time he beheld you, he had just finished a mission for Fury. Secret and dirty, he felt right at home doing SHIELD’s grunt work.

You were walking down the compound, side to side with Black Widow. He had assumed you were one of her brethren; maybe you had trained with her, a black widow yourself. Tony Stark pranced a few paces before you.

“Soldier, good you’re here! Come meet our newest recruit!”

Your smile was disarmingly bright. Pretty. Bucky felt himself grow cold with fury. It was a smile that came easily to you. And your eyes, frustratingly soft. You seemed at peace with yourself, and he hated that.  

He just stared at you in response. Eyes hard. Waiting for you to react to his lack of reciprocity. You didn’t bite his hook. You just slightly pursed your lips and took his glare in stride. 

“Nice to meet you. Stark was telling me about you. All good things, so don’t worry. But I had heard about you from before—you know—we do have in common h-”

“We have nothing in common.” He snarled before walking away, fuming. How dare you? How dare you make chit-chat about the thing that haunted his life. Every waking hour, every nightmare, he was haunted by his past. And you wanted to…what? Talk about it over jokes? No. He decided you had nothing in common.

Maybe your body count was higher than his, and he chose to ignore the elephant in the room. The fact that you were a beautiful woman could be a weapon as much as it could be a vulnerability.

He hated you a bit more each time he saw you get along with the rest of the team. How dare you? 

He had thought, had been so sure, that the reason he was disliked was because of his past. But that wasn’t it, was it? Because you and the black widow seemed to do just fine. Maybe he was just broken, and perhaps you had been too, but you had fixed yourself just fine. Parallel wounds, yours had healed, while he had festered like a virus. How dare you?

His despise grew with each smile, each laugh, each time you were slapped on the back.

Everything came to a head when he found you on the balcony. He had thought it was his balcony. His.

It wasn’t a balcony, more of a ledge. A floor that had been destroyed during a hulk mishap had not been fixed and did not look like it would be anytime soon. 

The wind was strong. You stood at the edge, facing the precipice. You seemed so peaceful. 

He stared at your profile, illuminated by the city lights. Your expression was sad. He had never seen it like that. Your lips were tight, eyes fluttered shut. Were you about to jump?

He walked toward you, deliberately moving his limbs so that you heard his footsteps.

You turned unhurriedly, your eyes opening slowly. There was a small moment where Bucky saw you, your unguarded face. He was too involved in his stupor and had not considered the possibility of it all being a facade. But months had passed, and your mask hadn’t slipped until now.

It was only a fraction of a vulnerable moment before you schooled your features. And it angered him for some reason. Seeing you so easily slip into the practiced mask. It made him like the rest, taking you at face value, not digging deeper past your pretty face, sparkling eyes, and gleaming smile. But then he was angry at himself for not looking past and you for pretending. 

Before he could stop himself, before he could think, words were coming out of his mouth faster than he processed them. 

“Do not do that, don’t do that.”

You sighed, your mask falling to one of disdain. You looked disappointed in Bucky, exasperated. It was a look of derision; he felt scorned, yet it was better than the fake platitudes. 

“Do what? Now, what am I doing that deserves your anger?”

“Pretending,” Bucky grunted.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. “So what am I supposed to do according to you, huh?” You walked away from the ledge toward him. He towered over you, head lowered to meet your defiant gaze. “Am I supposed to growl, frown, and hate myself for things I can’t control? Well, guess what? I've been there and done that! And, hey—guess again what happened. I hated it. So what if I am faking it? Maybe if I fake it hard enough, it’ll come true.”

“What’ll come true?” Bucky asked beside himself, snarling.

“Wanting to live, not letting them win. Because if I hate myself, then they win.” Your angry gaze wavered, turning sad. You looked away from him towards the city skyline. “I’ll go now, leave you alone to your self-hatred and whatever….” You started making your way to the battered elevator doors.

Bucky sighed, exasperated. “No, stay. I’m sorry.”

You had stopped walking away, your footsteps silent, but some sixth sense told him you had, in fact, paused.

He turned toward you. “I’m sorry.” He echoed.

You nodded, moving towards the ledge and sitting on it.

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

“Careful there, doll face.” His voice was gruff. “Don’t want you to fall off.”

You stiffened slightly, taken off guard, not for the first time tonight. The sweet nickname, coupled with his harsh voice, made heat rise to your cheeks. You decided to appear as if you took it in stride. Not wanting him to know just how much his words meant to you. Wanting to hear him call you that forever.

Because as much as you told yourself otherwise, it hurt when he brushed you off. You had looked up to him. 

You didn’t have any memories of your past before the experiments or the training, so maybe it was different for him. He had a life that was taken away from him — and you were just now learning to have one.

You heard about him, heard him even.  Heard his screams sometimes. Your handlers wanted to teach you what would happen when you didn’t behave.

It was clear he did not remember you. Why would he? He didn't know who you were when you passed each other in the hydra bases; that was part of your deal. No one expected a pretty girl to have a body count as high as yours. 

Bucky had killed about 20-something people, important ones. You knew that Natasha had a count of about six hundred and had shared the fact with you. Bucky had been Hydra’s tool and was used only in important missions. While you…were a gun for hire, basically. A knife for hire. You used your charms on men and women alike to disarm them enough. Your kills were always up close and personal. Sometimes, you have to put yourself in compromising positions to do so. Bucky never had to. 

You knew that he had to be put under a lot, had to have his brainwashed again and again, and conditioned an inhumane amount of times. His brain rebelled, and he had a life. Somewhere, deep in his subconscious, he had memories or faint encodings of a life outside.

But you were awake all of the time. You did things because there was no other option. You had to survive. You didn’t know otherwise.

You pondered in silence. And when it became too much for you, you fumbled into one of the multiple pockets on your jacket for your cigarettes. You stiffened when you remembered you had left the lighter on your bedside counter. “Damn it.”

“What’s wrong, doll.” His voice was curious, less rough. He was standing somewhere behind you. You could feel the weight of his stare.

You wanted to comment on the pet names but didn’t want him to stop, so you swallowed a snarky remark. “I forgot my lighter.”

He made his way toward you, movements swift as he sat next to you, feet dangling on the edge. You understood him now. You didn’t want him to fall. 

He slid his hand onto the pockets of his cargo pants and came out with a lighter.

You smiled at him. His eyes never strayed from yours as he placed the lighter in your hand. 

His eyes were beautiful, darker than usual under the low light.

You tore away from his gaze. Placing a cigarette between your lips, you cupped the lighter and flicked it on.

You took a drag of the cigarette, enjoying the burn. Enjoying the strong scent, stronger than other cigarettes. It made your head light.

Banner had made them for you after you expressed sadness about not being able to enjoy any substances.

You heard a sniff. He had noticed it, too.

You waited a second, leaving the smoke in your lungs, before exhaling. “It’s enhanced with something, Banner made it for me.”

He hummed. 

“You want one?” You looked at him from the corner of your eyes, not wanting to turn your face entirely.

“Thanks for offering, doll, but I don’t smoke.”

You hummed, taking another drag. “Not even before?” your question was tentative. You wanted to see if he would open up to you.

He hummed softly. “I did, yes, once or twice. But Steve couldn’t handle the secondhand smoke, so I stopped. Little asthmatic punk…”

Silence stretched out as you enjoyed the lightheaded sensation. Your limbs loosened, and you felt free. 

“D’ya miss him?” You turned fully toward him.

His eyes never strayed from the skyline as he answered, “I do. It’s different. We’ve both changed a lot. You know how it is, losing the past.”

“I don’t know, not really…” your voice was soft and resigned. 

His eyes flashed to yours. You didn’t know what to do with the full weight of his stare. “What do you mean by that doll?” His brows were furrowed. 

You sighed, not wanting to get into it. “It’s late…” You took out your AVENGER-sanctioned phone to check the time, 2:15 A.M.

“I’m going to sleep.” You lied. And you couldn’t stop more words from tumbling out of your mouth. Clumsy and rushed. “Same time tomorrow?”

A ghost of a smile pulled slightly at the corner of his lips. “See you doll face. Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams, Jamie.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

Jamie. Jamie. Jamie. Jamie….

He had been too quick to judge, and now he couldn’t get you out of his thoughts. His sleep was fitful, but he was granted a reprieve from his nightmares. Dreaming instead of the multitudes in your eyes. 

It was a slow day in the compound. He had a routine during slow days; he would go to his favorite training room and lose himself. The training room itself didn’t lack anything, but he had marked his territory with his glares at anyone who entered. He had achieved an unspoken ownership of that particular room.

After having you torment his dreams, however, he had to see you in person. He tried to contain himself and started his routine in the training room. 

It lasted 42 minutes. 

No amount of dagger throws could get him to calm down. 

He found you on the tower’s common floor.

You hunched over a table, Banner at your side. Coming down was worth it.

“Well, good morning there, Sarge. It's nice of you to come out of your room and join the land of the living.”

And he immediately regretted it.

“Stark!” Two voices proclaimed in tandem. You and Steve jumped to defend him, Steve’s voice was sharp, and yours was a playful whine.

“What? I’m just saying, he’s acting like a teenager!” Stark’s voice was a defensive grumble. He tinkered with the toaster in the kitchen area. 

“Oh, as opposed to you, who behaves so maturely?” The tone of your voice was playful but had a hidden bite to it. Bucky couldn’t help but appreciate it.

You turned to smile at him, and Steve turned to bicker with Tony. Bucky rolled his lips and moved to grab a mug. He poured himself a cup before walking away. 

He barely heard Stark’s remark on his parting, mentally berating himself for caring about the hurt look that soured your face when he did not return your smile. He shouldn’t care; caring was dangerous. It made him vulnerable and put him in a position where he could be easily hurt again.

He had to be careful; he did not want to break down the walls he had put up protecting himself and others from himself.

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

You almost didn’t show up. Hurt but not surprised by his attitude.

You paced the room you had on Natasha’s floor. She was not home, leaving you to pace away your conflicting thoughts.

Your heart had skipped a beat when he showed up. He never showed up; he was a ghostly presence in the compound. Part of the team, but never there for ‘team building exercises’…

It was 2:14 when you rushed to the elevator, a pounding of indecision in your chest. You told yourself it was curiosity. You needed to know more about him, needed to figure him out - maybe then you would be able to understand why he made you want…-

The silent elevator ride left you time to think.

He is hurt, just projecting/ This could end badly/ This could end with a friendship/ He was an asshole/ He just needs a friend/ At the cost of your sanity?/

Two inner voices argued with each other in the back of your mind. You let them.

The elevator stopped, the doors slid open, and there he was. The voices went quiet as soon as your eyes fell on him.

He leaned against a thick construction support post, overlooking the city skyline, his back to you.

“Nice of you to join me, doll.”

DOLL?! Asshole, he dared to call you doll- yet acted coldly toward you in public?! You grunted angrily, mimicking his usual blasé attitude and walking to stand beside him, not looking at him.

As you stared at the beautiful Manhattan skyline, a storm of anger raged inside you.

“Is everything alright, doll?” His voice was softer, and you weren’t as angry anymore.

Yes, he hadn’t smiled at you, but what exactly made you expect that from him? Yes, he called you doll, but he was from the forties. Plus, he hadn’t smiled at you before. And-what?  You had one conversation, and suddenly, you expected him to smile at you? You were delusional! This man was set in his ways and maybe bored, but it meant nothing. He was bored and lonely, and you were overthinking everything. You were new at this, at socialization. Genuine socializing. You socialized a lot for your HYDRA days, but this was new. You were used to having the upper hand and being in control.

You sighed out your exasperation, letting your tense shoulders loosen.

“Mhm…” your eyes never strayed from the city.

You stood in comfortable silence. You were an expert at working yourself into a stupor. But honestly, you were about… twenty twenty-one (you lost time during HYDRA). Yet you felt emotionally stunted- of course, you did. You never had the chance to actually develop skills people your age did.

“This feels like a dream. Like I am hallucinating being free, and I will wake up from passing out due to torture and be back in my cell…” Words tumbled out of your mouth. You were also bored and lonely. Faking your way with the others made you exhausted.

He made no response, but you could tell he understood. And that was enough.  You fumbled for your cigarettes. He slid a lighter from his pocket, handing it to you wordlessly.

You took it from his hand, inhaling to light your smoke. 

“You know? It’s dumb… but I sometimes feel like screaming at them… like something deep inside me yearns to scream, kick, and throw whatever is around- to get out all my pent-up energy; maybe then I can pass out from exhaustion and sleep. And yea- the novelty of being free, and being in the fucking Avengers is slowly wearing off, and I just-” you sighed, you were talking, and maybe he wasn’t even interested in hearing you whine. “And whatever, I should be grateful… it’s dumb…” You stopped yourself. Letting the chilly New York air into your lungs. 

“No, doll, it’s not dumb.” He turned to look at you, forcing you to face the full weight of his gaze. He was devastatingly beautiful. Your inhale was sharp. “Don’t feel bad about being angry. It’s valid to feel this way.”

You smiled then, “Look at you, giving emotional advice. Who knew you were a big softy underneath that grouchy, grumbling exterior.”

He scoffed, but you could tell there was no real meaning behind it. Your smile grew.

His eyes lowered to your lips for a charged moment before looking back to the city. “Those who can’t do, teach-”  His lips tugged slightly upwards, a glimpse of a smile.

You took a drag of your cigarette, staring unashamedly at his profile. “What do you do when you are not brooding? Like, what does one do for fun around here?”

“At two am in the morning, doll, those who aren’t sleeping…” he trailed off, a soft pink brightening his cheeks.

“Are what?” your grin was teasing.

“Are you on a mission or something?” His voice came out slightly strangled. 

“Or something…” you murmured, a yawn escaping you.

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

 “So, you really liked big band music? Kind of… classy for a guy who threw himself off buildings.”

 “Hey, a man can appreciate good music and bad decisions.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

 “Stark’s fine, sometimes… but his ego’s bigger than his bank account.”

 “If I had his money, I’d buy a planet and avoid people altogether.” You sighed, 

 “Doll, you’d get bored in two days.”

 “True. I’d need at least one grump to frown at me.” 

He couldn’t hide his soft grin.

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

 “Paris. You think it’s as romantic as everyone says?”

“Probably less if I was there...”

 “You’re right. You’d make it a lot more broody.”

“And you’d make it a lot more… sneaky. You’d blend into the shadows and pickpocket tourists.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

 “I could live off this forever.” You spoke around a mouthful of pizza

Bucky grimaced. “Takeout pizza? You call that food?”

 “Says the man who probably ate spam for dinner in the ’40s.”

“Now, doll, it was a delicacy back then.”

 “Spam’s not a delicacy in any era, Barnes.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

“You ever thought about getting a pet? Like a dog or something?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Me, with a dog? Not sure I’d be a good influence.”

“Nah, they’d see through you.”

“I’m more of a cat person.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

 “I like the quiet moments just before dawn. No one’s around to bother you.”

“Night’s better. Everyone’s already asleep. Feels like you’re the only one left.”

 “Until you realize someone like me is lurking in the dark.”

 “Yeah, lucky me.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

 “So, any weird phobias? Mine’s spiders. Too many legs.”

Bucky shrugged. “Needles. After Hydra? No thanks.”

You nodded. “Yeah, makes sense. But hey, at least you could crush a spider for me. And I can catch all your bulk when you pass out at the sight of a needle.”

“Ha, ha.” 

Someday, you’d get a real laugh out of him.

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

 “If you weren’t a super soldier, what would you do?”

“Maybe a mechanic. Fixing cars, quiet life. You?”

 “Bartender. People tell you their secrets. It’s like espionage, but with cocktails.”

 “Sounds dangerous, doll. What’s in the drink?”

You grinned. “Depends on who’s asking.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

“I keep getting these flashes… Steve dragged me to Coney Island, insisting I’d love it. Turns out, I hate roller coasters.”

You rolled your lips, deciding on what to say. “I don’t have any memories of before Hydra, but I dream about falling. Maybe I would love roller coasters.”

“I’ll take your word for it, doll. I prefer solid ground now.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

“You ever feel like the idea of ‘freedom’ is just another way to trap us? Like, what do we even do with it?”

“I dunno. Still figuring that out. But it beats following orders like a puppet.”

“Yeah. I just wish freedom came with an instruction manual.”

“If it did, doll, I’d probably ignore it. I don’t need another piece of paper dictating my life..”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

You were late, and Bucky was ready to leave when he heard the elevator doors open. You held a full white plastic bag.

“Honey, I’m home, and I brought dinner!” you had a slight spring in your step; he turned toward you, and a smile of pleasure and relief made its way into his expression without his consent. Your steps faltered slightly, your brows furrowing for a moment before a beaming smile took over, your eyes twinkling.  It was real, not a sarcastic grin, a smile! Your response only made his smile more pronounced -slightly, but still-.

“It’s good that you don’t smile; if you did, people would pass out on the spot.”

He couldn’t stop the small laugh coming out of his mouth. “Not you?”

“Not me, I’m made of stronger stuff.” You sat beside him, a bit farther from the ledge than usual. 

He followed suit, crouching in front of you. He noted the way you eyed his legs, your inhale, and the way you had to force yourself to look away.

“I wonder what would make you pass out.” His mouth ran away from his brain.

“Maybe take me to a fancy restaurant, and then you can try to find out.”

The thought made his heart race, and he stopped thinking about it. You were joking, it was friendly— you weren’t serious.

“I could, we could go on a few dates, and you would end it when you realize I’m too old and bitter for you, doll. Maybe it’s best we stay here at 2:15 A.M., where I can lend you a light.”

Your face soured to a pout. “Well I like my men a little bit older. But if you are telling me I’m not your type, and you like old ladies, well then I can handle rejection, not the worst thing I’ve lived through.” Your smile was sarcastic, yet he could tell there was hurt behind your eyes.

“No, doll, I don’t think anyone could reject you even if they tried.” 

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

Your heart raced at his words, caught off guard by their raw sincerity. You weren’t used to hearing compliments, not ones that felt real. A flippant remark was on the tip of your tongue, ready to deflect the tension, but it got stuck.

“You ever think about it? You know… dating?”

He snorted softly, “Who would date me? I’ve got more shit to deal with than anyone would want to deal with.”

You grinned. “Hey, at least you’re mysterious. I’m more… ‘potential assassin.’”

 “Ah, the classic ‘will she kill me on the first date’ dilemma. I can hide the metal arm, but you can’t hide the serial killer smile.”

You laughed loudly, shoving him playfully.

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

It was a few weeks after the initial meeting, and meeting had become a habit, a tradition of sorts. 

You gave him a shy smile when others were present, and he reciprocated with a soft look in his eyes. 

He knew he was being obvious with his staring, but he couldn’t help himself from looking at you.

He leaned on the counter, eyes flicking to and from you. He beheld as you smiled and laughed with the rest. He was jealous that you weren’t bestowing a smile upon him, but he held none of the contempt from before.

He sensed an annoying presence beside him.

“Hey, creep, why don’t you join us for drinks tonight? As luck would have it, even your star-spangled ass is joining us.”

Said star-spangled ass turned to glare at Tony, his expression turning into a smile as his eyes shifted toward Bucky.

“Yeah, come with us, you’ll have fun, we promise.” 

A myriad of yeahs chorused from the rest of the team, including you. Heat rushed to his cheeks as he looked at the ceiling. “Whatever.” He muttered.

“Well, that wasn’t a no!” you grinned, acknowledging him.” Your smile was so bright he couldn’t take it. 

He sighed and grumbled incoherently before turning to hide his blush and walking away.

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

You smiled to yourself as he retreaded. 

Natasha bumped your shoulders together. “He stares at you so much, I have no clue if he hates you or wants you. Maybe both!” 

“Nat, don’t be rude; it’s probably because I’m new.”

She smirked, “Sure.” You hadn’t been new for a while.

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

He was anxious. It took him forty minutes to place where the tight feeling in his chest was coming from. But it came down to you. It always came down to you as of late.

Steve had an arm around his shoulders and was babbling on about how much fun these rare night outs were, where everyone was present.

He didn’t know what he expected, but you weren’t talking to some guy. Enthusiastic hand gestures and a dazzling smile on your face as some random guy looked at you with an entranced smile.

He felt bile rising in his throat. 

He wanted to turn around and walk away, but that would have been too obvious. So he walked in with his stomach dropping with anguish.

He was out of it, sipping a drink that Steve had handed him. His taste buds not even processing the taste of his drink.

“Yo! Joe Goldberg, knock it out with the serial killer stare.” 

He felt a smack on his shoulder. He reluctantly tore his eyes away from you.

“What are you talking about?” he grumbled. Smooth. Real smooth.

Even though she was shorter than him, Natasha towered over Bucky. “I don’t know your problem, but you have to check it. It’s getting really weird.”

He felt a hand fist in his heart, tight. He downed the drink and sighed. Think Bucky. Think. “It’s not like that.” He was quiet for a few moments, formulating a response.

“Well, then explain why you keep staring at her like you want to strangle her.”

“I don’t want to— fuck.” He placed the empty glass on the table. “She’s also from Hydra.” He stated.

“Yeah, duh.” Natasha looked at him with contempt.

He needed to fix the fact that she thought he was some sort of obsessed weirdo…. He wasn’t!

“She’s so normal, happy. And she…” he trailed off. 

Natasha’s expression shifted to one of understanding. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” He looked to Steve, who tried to make it seem like he wasn’t listening to the conversation.

“Bucky, you’re-” Natasha placed a friendly hand on his shoulder.

“I’m going to get another drink.”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

You could tell something was wrong when you stepped out of the elevator. He was quiet, not the usual kind, brooding. You acted like you always did, but you could tell his heart wasn’t in it. 

“Bucky, is everything alright?” your voice was soft.

His reply was an irritated huff. You waited for a few moments, letting him have his space.

The night was cold, and you had worn thick cotton clothing. He wore a hoodie and pants; they looked comfortable, but the man in them did not.

You hummed and moved closer toward him. He leaned on a pillar,

“Big mission tomorrow, huh?” You shifted tactics. It wasn’t odd for him to have a quiet night, where you just sat in companionable silence. This was different, though… he was angry about something. Some insecure part of you told you he was mad at you. But there wasn’t any foundation to that, was there? 

He grunted in response. He was making you anxious. You sighed loudly, deciding to smoke or go to bed. The stilted silence made you anxious, a pressure hard on your chest. You tried to exhale it out, but it wouldn’t budge.

You let him wallow next to you for a few minutes before giving up and turning to face him. You placed a soft hand on his forearm, about to say goodnight. He flinched harshly, and your heart twisted. He grimaced, eyes shifting to you before flitting away. 

“Bucky, if you need, I-” Your voice had a nervous tinge, and you hated it. You were glad when he interrupted you.

“Go to sleep, doll.” His voice was sad, his face resigned. 

You furrowed your brows, studying his expression. You had the urge to kiss him on the cheek for good luck but knew that you would break if he flinched away.

“Goodnight Jamie…”

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

You walked away, turning your head twice to smile at him sadly. He held your gaze as the elevator doors closed, removing you from his field of vision. Taking you away from him. 

“Fuck.” His voice was soft and defeated. He looked at the city skyline. His eyes glossed over. He wanted to get the self-hatred out, to hit the wall, break his knuckles, and kick at the litter on the floor. But he let it sit, let it fester in his chest. A leech that grew bigger as it fed on the churning,  loathsome thoughts overwhelming his brain.

He crumpled with the ease of a paper, falling to the ground.

His limbs splayed as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t take it. Any of it. He always told himself he was strong. He was The Winter Soldier, for fuck’s sake! And here he was, crying over a girl. But that wasn’t it. Or it wasn’t just that. It was the fact that he was too soft for all of it. And he was still somewhat human at the end of the day. He still had emotions, and he was starved for comfort. He lacked connection. And he was okay without it. Having gone so long without it, he had grown used to the lack. But then you had come into his sanctuary and ruined everything, and he let you. He felt a kinship with you. You had gone through hell and back, had walked the same road as him, and you smiled so big, your eyes twinkled so bright. He couldn’t help but fall into your orbit. Admiring you from afar. 

Maybe it was better when he hated you; it was something he was used to and comfortable. He did not know what to do with all these feelings; he hadn’t felt them before, not even in the 40s. He was happy then; it was normal for him to smile. He didn’t know how to appreciate it. Yes, there was war, but there was hope, and Captain America was there to save him, but then Steve wasn’t there anymore. And any sliver of hope was quickly crushed under gleaming leather Hydra boots. He would die someday on a Hydra mission; he had made peace with that. But Steve did save him, a little too late. He wasn’t Bucky anymore and did not feel like he had any right to the mantle of Captain America’s best friend. Some parts of him still wanted that, but all of him yearned to be your Jamie.

And now bitter and traumatized, he held a flower in his calloused hands, and he didn’t know if he was worthy of it. He couldn’t breathe.

He was going to die here, and he couldn’t go in peace because he wanted to see you one more time. He couldn’t stand up, he couldn’t move; he keened in pain like a puppy. 

Pathetic, get up. Voices from Hydra spewed venom, wracking through his psyche. He clenched his jaw and groaned from deep in his throat.

Broken…unworthy…killer…tainted…

── ࣪˖  ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

The mission was successful. The team had divided in two, his group had finished earlier.

He felt better, exhausted. It had been a long mission. He was covered in grime and blood. 

It was rare for him to get to the point of exhaustion, but he had dived head-first into hand-to-hand combat, not letting up, ignoring the black widow’s knowing looks. 

Freshly showered and changed into sweats, Bucky let himself fall face-first into his too-soft bed. Days of restless sleep and today’s exertion weighed his body down and pulled his mind into sweet oblivion.

He awoke with a start, looked at the clock, and sat up. 3:22 A.M. 

He had stood you up. He rushed to the elevator and up to the floor. His thoughts raced with self-criticism and hatred. He breathed out a frustrated sigh, you weren’t there.

Of course, you weren’t there – he had been over an hour late.

He grumbled to himself all the way down to the common floor. His footsteps skidded to a stop when he found all the lights on and a flurry of activity.

Hawkeye typed furiously into a computer; Black Widow paced the floor, her hands fiddling with tech stuff. Steve was curled over a tablet, his hands clenched around the edge of a countertop.

Bucky stopped. The other team hadn’t come back.

“What’s wrong… where is she?” His chest felt tight.

Steve motioned at him to come near while the other two ignored him.

“Look, Bucky, I know you have some fondness for her, but I need you to calm down. She’s — uh— she’s missing…”

His ears started ringing; he didn’t hear anything after that. He took deep breaths, running his hands through his hair. It was longer, and he needed a haircut. Maybe you could cut his hair. Yeah, that sounded nice. 

He stilled. Breathing in deep, “Give me the details. I’ll have her back with me within the hour.”

He didn’t recognize his voice. Black Widow and Hawkeye had turned to stare at him with wide eyes. 

“Bucky, calm down, she’s alive from what we can tell, we can’t deal with y- we have to focus on finding her right now.”

“I am focused. I will find her.” His voice was gruff, and the language wasn’t English. He was reverting back…

Iron Man decided it was the best moment to walk in.

Bucky, The Winter Soldier, turned around with intent. He had some inkling of what he must have looked like, a menace— because Iron Man was opening his mouth to make some snarky remark, his jaw clenching shut, hands rising in surrender. 

“Где она, где моя кукла?” Where is she? Where is my doll?. 

His voice had a deadly cadence. He spoke and meant death.

“She’s okay, Wanda has her.” Black Widow had placed the radio on a table. She walked toward The Soldier slowly.

Wanda, the deadly witch, saved from Sokovia. He remembered her. She was strong. Not strong enough. 

He leveled his eyes on her. “скажи мне где, или ты умре��ь.” Tell me where, or die.

Her eyes grew hard. “Calm down, soldier. There is no need to threaten anyone.” 

The tension was palpable then, rising… rising-

The Doors opened to you limping… being supported by the witch and the doctor. 

His shoulders slumped. He shifted toward you, but something blocked his path. He looked down to see Steve’s arm pushing against his chest. The enemy’s stance was on the offense, about to attack, to keep her from him. He was about to threaten his best friend,  The Captain, to move when-

“Jamie…”  

His gaze flashed toward you. You pushed away from them, limping— stumbling toward him.

He met no resistance this time as he rushed softly toward you.

Your knees buckled as he wrapped his arms around you. You collapsed against him. 

You sobbed softly- and he broke. His arms were strong and soft as he held you close.

He didn’t care about anything. He didn’t care how the scene looked. He didn’t care that they all knew for certain now. He loved you.

He just needed to know you were okay.

He held you as you shook, “I thought, I was back there Jamie, I- thought I wasn’t going to to see you again. I thought he would get lonely, and- and- I was going to miss you- they- they- I didn’t care about any of it. I just thought about you….” You sobbed, trying to get words out. “I got out. I killed them all, I couldn’t face it, couldn’t face not- I killed…” For you. 

“Kukla…” Doll. “you’re here, you’re okay, let’s get you to the infirmary. You are hurt and bleeding…”

His voice was so, so soft —dense with remnants of Russian. His arms holding you together.

He ignored it all, ignored the dropped jaws and furrowed brows. You came first. He had shown you his vulnerability, but he first had to be sure his Achilles heel would be okay.

Please remember to leave your kind thoughts in the comments, and if you enjoyed support with reblogs, ok thanks for reading be back with part two soon!!!!

[slutofpsh]

strip for me.

part three

pairings: hyungline x reader (sunghoon & heeseung)

synopsis: hyung line got you trapped in a situation that you can’t get away from.

wc: 6k

warnings: smut, minor dni, bullying (not promoting violence or bullying), degrading, dirty talks, curses, masturbation, hyung line being mean. this is not proof read.

note: next part will be fivesome with the hyungline so it’ll take time. be patient. please reblog and reply to. it is highly encouraged. thank you so much for your support. part one (here) ; part two (here)

slutofpsh 2024 © all rights reserved.

your grip over your phone tightens while a text message flashes through its screen. a one sentence text is all it takes for your whole system to feel thrilled.

‘i’ll see you at the locker's room after my morning practice.’ — psh.

that was all it says. sunghoon’s not the texter type. out of all of them, he’s the least you expect to appear on your messages and so to receive something from him makes your stomach churns.

it’s still very early and after you checked your phone, that’s the first thing you saw.

Park Sunghoon is the team captain of your school’s ice hockey team and every thursday morning, they have practice before going to class. today is that day.

you didn’t reply to him and honestly, you’re contemplating whether to go meet him or not. obviously, something like what happened yesterday may occur. And no matter how bad does it sound, a hint of excitement stirs at the depth of your mind.

despite it, worry and agitation overpowers you. sunghoon is a very mean guy. you’ve done it with the four of them, and he’s the roughest when he’s mad or if he’s trying to punish you.

jake mentioned yesterday that it was a punishment. jay may have didn’t mention it, but his odd behavior was enough for you to conclude that something’s going on.

you spent the whole night thinking of what did you do wrong, backtracking over the things happened the day prior today. even no matter how hard you strain your brain, nothing pops inside your head. nothing. none.

still in trance, a new message appears on sunghoon’s chat box.

‘don’t even think of ditching me or i’ll be seriously be pissed.’ — psh.

you can imagine his brows hardly furrowed, jaw clenched and eyes cold as ice burning through his phone screen as he tap those words to send you. that was enough to make you feel scared. sunghoon’s not very nice, what more if he’s pissed off?

so before you even get deeply caught into your thoughts, you pushed yourself up from the comfort of your bed and started preparing to go meet him.

on the other hand, the sound of skates sliding through the ice and nonstop smashing of hockey sticks echoes all around the auditorium. players chants and shouts at each other as they try their best to make a score. if you aren’t too familiar with the members, you’ll think they don't belong in the same group.

but they do. it was just a normal practice session, only park sunghoon, the captain and also the team’s ace, are a little bit more worked up at the moment. his eyes dark and his moves are more aggressive than usual.

his teammates that are currently on his team in this game cheered when he made another score. ice splatters as he abruptly tried to make a stop. he pants as he removes his head gear.

“come on,” one long slide and a newbie made it near him. he was panting so bad as he raises his arms. “its just practice man.” he says towards sunghoon.

the old members looks at him in horror, giving a hint not to say anything else as sunghoon faces him with a placid look on his face.

sunghoon kept silent before advancing towards the newbie. he stared right at his face for a while before grabbing him by his shirt, jaw clenching. the other varsities panics and starts to discard his hold, but he was too strong.

“if you can’t keep up with me then that’s not my problem.” he spat and gave this chilling gaze at the newbie. the obvious fear flickers through the younger’s eyes as his mouth hangs open, unable to utter a single word.

“sunghoon! that’s enough.” thankfully, their coach arrived just in time to stop the fight.

from the chairs outside the rink, one pair of eyes watches closely. his half-lidded eyes stares lazily at the scene unfolding, totally unbothered by it. his back rests at the chair and legs crossed, conveying so much dominance.

heeseung saw how sunghoon kept his grip on his teammates uniform, clearly being stubborn. he's not even surprised. typical sunghoon who never listens and always lets his temper control him.

sunghoon gave the poor boy one cold stare before pushing him off as he lets go of his jersey. he, then slides out of the rink.

“hoon.” heeseung calls that made the younger halt his steps.

he cranes his neck and look at him with blank eyes, waiting for what his hyung is about to say. heeseung trailed his gaze from the rink towards him.

“remember not to be carried away.” he reminds him.

“i know.” he shortly replied, still feeling so heated from the practice.

“and don’t hurt her.” he says in a very low tone.

sunghoon scoffs, “i won’t.” his eyes darkens as his lips stretched into a smirk, showing off his fangs. “at least not in that way.”

your head peeks slightly to look while the players are leaving their locker one by one. it’s been almost ten minutes since you arrived the school. as expected, there’s only a few around and the whole building is still vacant.

you’re still busy checking when the hairs on your neck raised, chills running down your spine. a presence can be felt from behind you. slowly, you craned your neck to look over your shoulder.

wide broad chest is what you saw first. you trailed your gaze upwards to see lee heeseung staring down on you with a deadpan look on his handsome face.

a light gasp escapes your lips and tries to step back once.

“u-uh,” you gulped and lowered your head to avoid looking at his eyes. “sunghoon asked me t-to meet him here.”

you have no idea why on earth are you explaining to him. it just feels right to let him know why you are currently here, early in the morning, when your class starts a bit hour later.

“i know.” he shortly replies.

of course he knew. is there something else that he doesn’t know? what you noticed from lee heeseung is that besides being a very reserved individual, he’s also very observant. if the other boys loves being the center of attention, this tall gorgeous boy prefers to be on the corner, watching.

you tried glancing if he’s still looking and after meeting his gaze for a split second, you folded and glanced away.

he sighs heavily, “you guys have at least 45 minutes until our first class starts. don’t be late.” he says under his breath and starts walking away to the direction of your building.

the further he is away from you, the more your breathing stables. something about him intimidates and makes you nervous as hell. even before you can look at him to check if he’s already far away, he talks again.

“y/n,” in a speed of light, you faced him with flushed cheeks.

“y-yeah?”

his blank eyes slightly softens, “he’s in a very bad mood. if he gets out of hand, calm him down.”

his words confused you right away. first, sunghoon’s out of mood most of the times. second, why is he saying these words like as if you know perfectly what to do?

“b-but how..?”

he kept a placid look before turning his back to start walking again, leaving with, “you know how.”

you’re left standing awkwardly. heeseung’s already gone and you haven’t moved an inch. his words echoes inside your head repeatedly. it still confusing you how there’s a hint of confidence lingering through his words.

a vibration from your phone is what snapped you back to reality.

‘come here.’ — psh.

that was your cue. without thinking twice, your feet moves like it has a mind of its own, walking and leading you towards the locker room of the ice hockey team. sunghoon’s lure.

it was quiet and slightly dark. when you made it to the far end, you saw him sat at one of the benches. his head didn’t even whip to look at your way when you arrive, like he was expecting you and nobody else.

his elbows bore on his knees as he was leaning, head hanging low.

“sunghoon?” you calls him using your soft voice.

sunghoon finally lifts his head and look at your direction. there you are. you look beautiful wearing the school uniform neatly, hair brushed and eyes staring at him with a hint of concern.

he didn’t show any reaction to his face that made you feel agitated. heeseung’s words flashes back on you, that he’s in a bad mood. it scares you even more, adding to the tension.

“why are you standing so far, doll?”

his husky voice slightly echoes inside the wide room. its just the two of you here and that thought was enough to make your heart race. his endearment for you stirs something in you. how he always love to call you doll, in a sexy and taunting way.

you trudges closer, but still keeping a safe distant.

his dark eyes burns as he run his stare over you in a very dangerous way. he looks so attractive wearing his just his sweats and a white plain t-shirt, hair still a bit damp from shower. even from a distance, you can smell his manly scent that always makes you dizzy in a good way.

“kneel in front of me.” he demands.

you can feel your knee wobbling as you make your way towards him. slowly, you kneeled down. sunghoon almost lose his mind by the sight of you like this. he almost lets out a low groan when you follow him without saying any words, complying to him. submitting.

he leans backwards, resting one hand to the bench support his weight, the other palming his hard dick. you can see the outline of his cock through his sweatpants and blood rushes to your cheeks.

“take my cock out.”

his request made you blink and look at him. this shouldn’t surprise you anymore. before you come here, you’re expecting that things can escalate like this. but the fear of one of his teammates walking on you, makes you hesitating.

“what if s-someone comes here?”

“i’ll kill them.” he says those words without hesitation that made your heart drop.

“sunghoon—”

“you know i don’t have much patience, right?” his tone stingy and the crease on his forehead tells you that he’s not very happy on you delaying him from getting his desired blow.

you decided to keep your mouth shut and slowly reaches to his pants to pull it a bit, freeing his hardened cock. it was so hard and the tip so red. the sight makes you blush even more. if someone is asked to describe sunghoon’s manhood, they will probably say that its as beautiful as he is.

“go on.” he spat.

you gulped and licked your lips once before leaning in to wrap your lips to his dick. sunghoon bit his lower lip at the feeling of your hot mouth around him. he misses this. he wanted to curse so loud and to just shove it into you, but he stopped himself from doing so.

“fuck, just like that.” he moans and tried to open his eyes so he can watch you bobbing your head, getting your pace.

he saw how your hair covers your pretty face from his view and so he raised one of his hand to gather them and hold them for you.

“i got you, baby.” he whispers that made your core twitch.

you continued bobbing your head and sucking his dick, tasting sunghoon in your mouth. it was a familiar one, something that got inside your mouth a lot of time. later on, you can feel him thrusting his hips, meeting you. he was always rough and loves abusing your throat. he doesn’t care if you gag, he would even love that.

“fuck, fuck, fuck...” he growls and roughly shove his dick inside your mouth.

“gonna use that fucking mouth.” he says, “so pretty. so so damn pretty.” his compliments rings, but you’re too occupied on sucking him good.

there’s something about the way sunghoon moans. his voice whenever you give him immense pleasure serves as music to your ears. it was so erotic and just how he utters dirty words adds up to everything.

when you feel him almost reaching his climax, you’re so ready to accept and take it all. just a couple more deep thrust, sunghoon shoots his hot cum in the depths of your throat. groaning and moaning out of pleasure.

he lets go of your hair and pants while watching you suck him dry, letting out a faint ‘pop’ as you let him go.

“let me see.” he whispers and you open your mouth to show him how you swallowed every bit of it.

“good doll.” his words sent direct tingling feeling to your core, making you rub your thighs.

“we’re not yet done.” he says and stood up from the bench. he grabbed your arm to make you stand and guided you to sit down.

“strip for me.” that familiar line again.

with trembling hands, you try to take off the buttons of your blouse. sunghoon, as a very impatient guy he is, he curses and yanked your uniform, causing some of its buttons to fly off.

“sunghoon, what the he—” your words got interrupted when he pushed your body flat to the bench, making you lay down.

“shut the fuck up.” he says rudely and hovers above you.

his hand searches for your underwear and you whimper when his finger grazes your clit. he smirks, feeling your wetness.

“so wet for me. you’re such a slut, aren’t you?” he taunts that you answered with a faint ‘no’.

you tried to look away and avoid his gaze out of embarrasment for actually getting aroused for such foul situation. he scoffed and roll his eyes before removing your panties aggressively.

“i’m going to fuck you until you’re unable to think straight anymore.” and he aligned his head on your hole.

your brows furrowed, eyes shutting tightly. he traces your slit using his head before finally sliding it all in one go, making you gasp.

“fuck, look at my cock disappearing inside you.” he said and even ask you to lift your head so to see.

he was definitely right. he is fully buried inside you, and the pleasure it too much. you feel so full with all of him. he started pulling it out, only to slide it all back in again.

“u-ugh,” you let out a moan that clicked something in him, making him rut his dick rough and fast.

“s-sunghoon,” you whimpered, lips shaking as he continues to abuse your hole. “p-please slow down.” you plead.

he didn’t listen. in fact, he acts like as if he cannot hear any of your words. he placed both of his hands on your side, face above you as he continue relentlessly fucking you. his silver necklace hangs out from his shirt and now started moving along with his movement, slightly slapping to your pretty face. his brows sexily furrowed, jaw clenching while he utters low curses.

“i’m going to fucking breed you. you want that, doll?” he asks in a taunting way that made you whimper even more.

he scoffed at how you look beneath him. trying so hard not to let out your moan, when he can clearly see how much you’re enjoying and feeling so good from how deliciously he fucks you deep.

“you already have four dicks to fuck you and you still can’t be contented? what a bad girl.” he clicked his tongue and you opened your eyes to met his. it darkens as he started to roughly fuck you.

“you just never learn.” he growls and you can see the hint of anger in his eyes.

it scared you and your hand held his arm in attempt to push him away. but he was too strong. he didn’t budge and yank your hand, dismissing any chances of stopping him.

“who’s my pretty doll?” his grin grew wider, eyes full of nothing but lust for you.

you kept your mouth shut while still looking him straight at his eyes, tears brimming your eyes. he’s dominating you from above and you look so helpless beneath him.

when he didn’t heard an answer from you, he halts his hip from rutting you that made you whine slightly. he gripped your arm tight that you’re so sure it will leave a mark later, eyes piercing.

“who’s my pretty doll, y/n?” he asks in a very low tone, like a warning.

“answer me.” he commands that sent shivers to your spine.

you whined, “m-me.”

a smirk spreads across his face and leans in to connect his red luscious lips to your swollen ones, giving you a messy kiss. a string of saliva stretches when he leans away.

“you belong to me. you belong to us.” his words with so much emphasis that you can really tell how serious he is.

“i will fucking kill whoever tries to take you.”

“sunghoon, wait...” you can see how he’s starting to move in faster pace, almost making you see stars. one of his hand moves and reaches for your neck, slightly choking you.

“hoon—”

“that fucker, who do he think he is?! he’s nobody!”

you gasp and tried to take heavier breaths, trying not to be too distracted by how much pleasure sunghoon’s dick is giving you.

heeseung’s words then flashes through your mind. he said you can calm him down. how? obviously, this is the right time to show that skill.

instead of feeling scared of him, you snaked your hand on his nape and pulled his face closer. his forehead touches yours as you glance straight to his eyes, trying hard not to roll them up due to the imminent orgasm you’re about to have.

sunghoon was caught off-guard at your action. his eyes widen while still rutting his hip deep and rough. you look so beautiful from this distance, your pretty eyes filled with tears, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. all because of him. all for him.

“i’m s-sorry.” you mumbled close to his face.

he was at daze, his movement getting slower but his thrust remains deep, reaching all the good spots of your insides. almost making you crazy. you trap your lower lip in between your teeth, getting totally distracted.

“i’m so s-sorry, hoon.” you repeat your words, this time a little bit more softer.

while your foreheads still attached, you placed a gentle kiss on his face then flash a smile.

“i’m here.” and you heaved a sigh, “i’m yours. stop being mad, please.”

and with that, sunghoon relaxes, his breathing becoming more calm and his eyes softening as they stare at you.

he leans away to drop a kiss at your forehead before connecting them again as he start fucking you roughly. he groans and kisses your lips from time to time, moaning your name along with your sweet whimpers.

“f-fuck, baby. i’m close.” he whispers.

“me t-too.”

sunghoon dicked you down even faster trying to chase that climax. he kisses you, tongue dancing with yours, salivas mixing up. both of you are unbothered, mind filled by nothing but your lust and want to release.

“shit.” he curses as he shoot his cum inside your dripping cunt, your legs starts to shake, cumming as well.

he continued sliding his cock in and out, chasing both of your highs while making out. he moves away and watched how his dick slides out of you. his stares wandered all over your body, eyes full of desires.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles as he caress your arm that he hold too tight a while ago. it was so red, his hand left a print.

your mouth gapped in amusement. did you just heard thee park sunghoon say sorry? he’s not type to do that. and when did he ever talk in a soft tone?

“does it hurt?” he asks, using that foreign tone again.

you smiled a little, shaking your head to assure him. he stares right at your eyes for a while before dipping his head down for another kiss. your eyes shut as you accept his kisses with no complains.

the bell from the next building is what snaps you back to your senses. his kisses moves to your chin then down to your neck.

“h-hoon, its almost time for our class. we need to go back.” your fingers run through his soft hair.

you wait for him to hiss at you for actually touching it as you are well aware how sensitive he is when it comes to his hair. but none. no complain or side comments about it.

he gave you a few more pecks before finally letting you go.

“you broke my uniform.” your lips pursed while staring down.

he just finished cleaning you up and you’re making yourself look presentable when you remembered how he broke the buttons of your blouse after pulling it hardly.

sunghoon smirks and opens his locker. he retrieves a uniform then handed it to you.

“here, you can use mine.”

the boys and girl’s top uniform is pretty similar, the only difference is the girls are shorter. some even had theirs cropped to style it in their own preference.

you accepted it and removes your broken uniform. he trudges closer then gently took the blouse from your hand so you can wear his easily. his eyes watches you closely making you feel a bit shy.

he helped you wear his uniform. “thank you.” you said, blushing.

he smirks and dips his head for a quick kiss. you’re too surprised to even say anything. you’re just too shock how he's acting right now.

“let’s go. we’re already late. heeseung hyung will be pissed.” and he grabs your things to carry it himself.

you knocked twice at your classroom when you arrived. the two of you are late and you’re silently praying the teacher's not in a bad mood today.

she cracks the door open and your homeroom teacher scans you up and down. her strict eyes watches you, eyebrow raising.

“ms. y/n. you are late.” she says.

“i’m s-sorry, ma'am.”

she was left with no choice but to let you inside. everyone’s eyes are darted at you and its very uncomfortable. your hand unconsciously plays through the edge of your uniform— more like sunghoon's. they gave you a look of curiosity. why you’re late when you’re someone never late for a class and whose uniform is that? clearly, it wasn’t yours.

before you reach your chair, you have to walk pass jake’s. his piercing and playful eyes are darted at you, grin so wide because he knew exactly where you’ve been.

“lips so swollen, sweetheart.” he stated that made you blush even more. some students who seats near him, heard it and gave you this look.

“mr. park.” is what your teacher said the moment you sat down to your chair.

when you look over the door, park sunghoon walks inside at ease. not even bothered that he’s late. his bag hangs over his shoulder while one of his hand holds yours.

“practice.” he reasoned shortly before heading your way, not even sparing your teacher a glance.

he ignored the eyes watching him and focused his stares right at you. the three other boys shrugs their shoulder off and boredly face front. jake’s smirking, jay rolled his eyes and heeseung watches carefully

sunghoon placed your things on the side of your table and leaned down to look through your eyes.

“here, baby.” he says casually then messed your hair before walking to his chair.

lips of some girls from your class are gapped open at the scene they just witnessed. they cannot believe it and wondered what’s between you and park sunghoon. they are beyond surprise and you can’t help but to just shrug it off. what more if they finds out his three other friends are involve too?

the classes continued normally, or that’s what you try to make yourself believe. the stares from your classmates are often darted at you. still not over about the scene a while ago. it was slowly getting annoying.

while writing down on your paper, you heard a chair being dragged to your side.

“hey,” your head looked over jake who just sat down.

“yeah?”

he tilts his head, “did you have fun?”

your mouth hangs open, what happened a while ago flashes back to your mind instantly because of his question. jake saw it and he grins before scoffing.

“you did.” he touches your chin to make you look up, “your face says it all.” he added and grins, masking the emotion slowly igniting inside his chest.

you gulped and licked your lips.

“j-jake,” you called him.

he raised one of his brows, waiting for what you’re going to say.

“about beomgyu...” your word halts.

the instant change on his mood just proves you that he has something to do with how the boys are treating you. his eyes turned cold, jaw clenching slightly.

“what about him?” his stingy tone rings your head.

“its not what you think—”

“jake.” both of your heads whips to the direction of the voice who called him.

lee heeseung stood by the door, watching you both with his heated gaze. his eyes shifts to yours and it sent direct chills. your head lowering as an automatic response.

“y/n, can you grab these workbooks and help me take it to the student council office?”

envious eyes darted at your direction when he ask you that. you can even hear someone commented that why should it be you. his dark gaze he gave you indicates that you have no other choice but to follow him.

you stood up, jake's eyes stayed and never left you. he watch how you walks towards the table, near his friend. jay and sunghoon seems uninterested as they bicker over something he doesn’t care at all.

“which one should i carry?” you asked heeseung.

he used his chin to point the fewer stacks of workbooks, he took the heavier stacks. he’s the first one to leave the room and you stalked behind him. students in the hallways greets heeseung with amusement through their eyes. they don’t even notice you at all. they’re too focused on him.

when you arrived the student council office, he stops beside the door then glance at you with serious eyes. your stomach churns and suddenly felt agitated.

“place those books here so you can open the door.” he instructed that you obeyed right away.

he didn’t even budge from his position when you place additional weight to what he’s carrying. totally unbothered.

you opened the door for him and hold it so it wouldn’t be on the way. he smoothly walks inside and you remained standing by door, looking at him placing it neatly at the table.

his eyes trailed towards you.

“get inside and lock the door.” he says and you saw him loosening his school tie.

you gulped and instantly felt on edge. he watch how you closed the door and he only looked away after hearing the sound of the lock clicking.

“sit down here, angel.”

angel.

you blushed so hard and its a little crazy how one word affects you so much. the somersault inside your stomach added weigh on your emotions. his heated gaze totally not helping.

“heeseung, about beomgyu...” you started.

his face remained blank. unlike jake, he didn’t show any foul mood or anything. but that slightly bothers you more. heeseung is always calm, very reserved. his mysterious demeanor pulls you more into him, digging a bigger space for your curiosity.

“it wasn’t what you guys think. i know what’s happening these days is somehow connected to him.”

he sighed heavily and tilts his head, “we already warned you and sent him a message.”

the way he talks sounded so calm. like nothing can ever make him nervous or anxious. he never stutters and speaks with so much confidence. he knows what he’s saying and that’s makes him more attractive in people’s eyes. what’s sexier than a man who knows what he wants in life?

“he just told me that he’s sorry—”

“if he’s really sorry then he should just stayed away.” he cuts you off.

you licked your lips and was about to talk again when he lets out a strained sigh.

“enough.”

“i j-just—”

“strip for me.” your mouth hangs open and stared at his eyes.

he looked serious as usual. his eyes silently conveying a message that you’ll get in trouble if you don’t obey him right away. without much of a choice, you start to take off sunghoon’s uniform.

he looked at it with no emotion and brows slightly twitched at the sight of a bruise by your arm. it doesn’t really hurt, but it was evident.

“does it hurt?” his tone full of concern.

you’re quite amused at him, blushing.

“no. don’t worry.”

“he lost control, didn’t he?” his hand reaches for it, caressing it gently like it will aid it. he looks at your eyes, waiting for your answer.

“just f-for a short time...”

he sighs and nods his head. this isn’t the time to talk or think about sunghoon’s bad temper. he tilt his chin, asking you to continue. when you’re left with your underwears he stood up then stared down at you.

“lay down on the table.”

your eyes grew big, hesitant to his request.

“won’t they come here? i thought the student body are busy today...?”

he glanced on your eyes once and it was enough to shut your mouth then do as he says. he offered his hand for assistance. his hand are warm, unlike sunghoon’s. he helped you step on a chair so you can climb on the table.

it feels so awkward sitting on it and having heeseung stand in between your thighs.

“lay down. i want to eat you.” he said so casually that made your core twitch in so much anticipation.

you wanted to curse yourself for how your body reacts to them. this isn’t how it suppose to be. you should protest and tell them off. or even get mad because you thought they’re already interested to a different girl. but... why do you find yourself laying back on the table while lee heeseung is gradually taking your panties off?

“breath, angel.” he smirks and you glanced away feeling guilty. he knew you’ve been holding your breath since you climb to this table.

the feeling of being this naked in front of heeseung is so overwhelming, both in good and bad ways.

“eyes on me.”

his command made you lift your body so you can see him dip his head and spit on your already wet pussy. you pursed your lips, doesn’t want to let out a moan.

he lifts his hand and slide one finger inside. you can feel it so long and warm.

“did he stretch you enough for me?” he whispers so close to your cunt, his hot breath fanning to your wet core.

“heeseung...”

“shh.” he glared at you then added another finger.

“god, this pussy.” he groans and leans in attaching his lips, lapping your cunt.

“heeseung..” you moaned and covers your lips, feeling shy by how you whimper. it sounded pathetic.

the feeling of his hot long tongue grazing and slightly getting inside your hole drives you crazy. your thighs automatically closes, caging his head in between.

he looks at you over his eyelashes, one hand pushed your thigh open. he leans away, “keep it open for me, angel.”

he smirks and placed a kiss on the insides of your thighs, “i know it feels so good, but i want your legs open.”

he grabbed both of your hands, making you hold your legs. you whimpered, feeling frustrated that his lips are not latched on your aching core. he glanced at you and smirks after seeing your desperation.

“patience, angel.”

he then dips his head again and started eating you. it felt so good, he was doing it expertly, making your head all fuzzy.

“oh my gosh,” you moaned and throw your head back after feeling a knot forming inside your stomach.

“i’m c-cumming,”

“really? give it to me.”

and with that you released, legs shaking and eyes tightly shut. heeseung made sure he gets all of your juices, nothing spills. you tried to open your eyes to look at him and the scene was so erotic. heeseung put his lips on your hole and suck it.

“uggh.” your eyes shuts and lips shakes in so much pleasure.

he kept sucking and gave your slit one last long lick. after that, he stood up and wiped off his chin. he looked so satisfied. he helped you get up, head still all clouded with the intense feeling he just gave you.

he then took off his clothes and went to sit down at the sofa. the same couch where jay took you yesterday. he rests his arms and watch you intensely.

“ride me.”

with wobbly legs, you walked towards him. once in reach, he slides his hand on your waist and helps you to get in position. your straddle above him, knees bore at the sofa. he hold you and watch how you reach for his hardened cock. you gave it a few strokes before placing its head near your hole.

“oohh,” you can’t help but to moan.

“slowly...” he whispers, face already on your side. his lips grazes your ears dangerously.

the lust took over you completely, taking control of your mind and actions. you are losing it, just wanted to have him deep inside you. lower lip trapped in between your teeth you slowly sat on heeseung’s long thick cock, moaning as it reaches all the right spots.

“u-uhhh,” your stretched moan made heeseung grin. satisfied at how you’re so eager to have him inside you.

“move, angel. fuck my cock into you.” he whispered full of lust like hypnotizing you.

you started riding him, at first with slow pace until you feel more desperate for him. moaning and gasping as you continued bouncing, not caring if someone from outside hear your shenanigans.

“feel so good.” you mumbled.

“oh yeah? ride faster.”

you obeyed, but your poor stamina and the overstimuation makes you feel so weak. you slump on his lap, cock buried deep inside. your head rested on his shoulder, panting.

“tired already?” he asks softly that you responded with a short nod.

he chuckles and placed a swift kiss on your cheeks. “all right. place your hand on the sofa and lift yourself a bit, angel. i will fuck you myself.”

pulling yourself together, you do as he said. eyes half-lidded drowned in your own desires. heeseung watches with a grin and kisses you once at your lips before starting to rutt his cock to your cunt, his hips moving so fast that you make you a moaning mess.

“o-oh my gosh...” and your forehead rests on his shoulder.

“my baby so weak that he needs me to fuck you myself, hmm?” he bit your earlobe once that made you whimper.

the slapping sounds of your skins so erotic. enough to make you feel the knot inside your stomach once again. your grip on the sofa tighten along with your hole, making the man under you groan in pleasure.

“cumming already?”

you nod while biting your lips so hard. he smirks and kisses you eagerly, feeling himself reaching his climax as well.

“cum with me, angel.”

with a few more hard thrusts from heeseung, you came all over his length and not long after, he follows. groaning so hard while kissing you with furrowed brows. he kept fucking his dick in you while supporting you so you won’t fall.

he pulls away to focus on sliding his cock in and out as you rest your head on his shoulder, nuzzling at crook of his neck.

“you’re such a good girl for me. for all of us.” you heard him whisper before placing a sweet kiss at your forehead.

“okay class we will have a group research project and i want you to participate properly in your group. i don’t want to hear some complains.” your teacher in your last period said.

the class reacts and gave their own comments. some already rants, the others being happy to do a group project and even say the people they wanted to work with.

you, on the other hand is resting your head on your table. too tired to even give a care about it. thankfully, the teacher after the lunch break didn’t attend and so you had the chance to take a nap after what you and heeseung did.

the thought itself made you blush so hard.

you teacher started announcing the groups. you tried hard to listen, waiting for your name to be called.

“park jongseong, jake sim, lee heeseung, park sunghoon and (surname) y/n).”

you slowly raised your head, blinking while staring in front. confused if you heard that right. did she just call your name? whose your group mates again?

“damn, she’s so lucky. why does it have to be her?” one of your girl classmates whispered to her friend while giving you a glaring look.

you noticed that the class are now moving seats to gather around by groups. still spacing out, you glanced around. waiting for someone to call you.

jake sim then raised his hand while jay pulls a vacant chair near his. the four pairs of eyes darts at you.

“y/n, come! we’re partners!” jake says excitedly.

your mouth fell open slightly while eyeing their direction. jake’s smile is wide, jay’s smirking along with sunghoon while heeseung eyes you seriously.

‘oh no...’ you thought to yourself.

since you don’t want to be scolded by your teacher, you stood up and slowly head to their direction.

“we’re going to have so much fun...” jake stated meaningfully before winking at you.

tag-list:

@shawnyle @kpopslays

[mononijikayu]

is it new years yet? — nanami kento.

"Apparently, we're #RelationshipGoals now." "Some of them really think I write poetry about you during my lunch breaks, too. Not inaccurate, of course. But the thoughts I have of you are different." “My darling, behave.” “No <3” ".......In any case, my darling…..this one says I’m lucky to have you. Can’t argue with that."

GENRE: alternate universe - no curses au!;

WARNING/S: afab! reader, secret coworker romance, co-workers to lovers, romance, fluff, nsfw, rated 18 and above, explicit content, kissing, making out, rough sex, fingering, creampie, p to v sex, stairwell sex, orgasm, humor, profanity, pet names (my darling, babe, etc), possessiveness, jealousy, characters speaking in sexual innuendo, mention of sexual euphemisms, depiction of explicit sexual content, actor! nanami kento, actor! reader;

WORD COUNT: 6k words.

NOTE: hello everyone, this is the first fic of 2025!!! this was specifically written because of a conversation between me and @midnight-138 on the afternoon of december 31st 2024. i started progress while on a bus on the way to my grandma's house and for a bit on the 1st. i still wanted to write more for it, but i had to stop because i caught a cold. i still have a cold. and i need a massage cause i feel my body hurt real bad, cause its working hard to save my life from this cold TT TT

but that being said, i shouldn't complain too much. good things have been happening to me despite my problems. i hope that good things continue to come!!! anyway, enough yapping, i hope you enjoy this little fic. happy 2025!!! may good things, good health and happiness come your way always this year!!!

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if you want to, tip! <3

IT WAS ALWAYS LIKE THIS WHEN YOU AND KENTO GET TOGETHER. But it was to be expected, since you graced the screens since you were a child. Nanami Kento was like that too. Of course, it wasn’t something of a brag at all. It was just your normal.

You were lucky, you were favored like that. Kento was favored just like that. Both of you were so beloved. And especially so, in a way that they end up hoping that you both were together. 

Ever since you worked with him on Jujutsu Kaisen all those years ago, it was just too strong — the chemistry between the two of you. It pulls people in for more. They wanted a story, they wanted something that could ease their days from the mundane boredom that it was to the fun, exhilarating excitement that comes with the tea in both of your private lives.

You didn’t mind, your company didn’t mind either. Neither did Kento or his side of the aisle. It helped that you were both good friends. You had met even before landing your roles on Jujutsu Kaisen, after all. So, the ‘will they, won’t they’ between the two of you really did help your careers.

But of course, just like in Gege–sensei’s scripts, some parts are sentences with too many blank pages. And the wholeness of your relationship with Nanami Kento truly only belonged to you and him. And you were not willing to expose it to the world. Not just yet.

Yet — this does not stop them from trying to do something about that.

The studio buzzed with activity as you adjusted the earpiece in your ear, stealing a quick glance at the veteran actor, singer, producer, writer and entertainment personality that is Nanami Kento.

He stood near the stage, his posture relaxed yet impossibly refined. Dressed in a tailored charcoal suit, his tie a subtle but elegant shade of deep blue,everything about him just exuded a quiet confidence that made it hard for anyone to look away. 

You, however, knew better than to let your gaze linger too long. You knew too well that those are reserved for just him and you to interpret and to see. No one else should. You were as possessive about your private moments as he was. But you would never say that outloud and neither will he.

“Can you believe these two again?” a stagehand whispered slowly, behind you. It was still, of course, loud enough for you to hear. “It’s like they were made for this. If they don’t end up together after tonight, I’ll lose faith in love. Really!”

You bit back a laugh, focusing on your notes. No one knew the truth, after all. That you and Kento were already together had been for a while now. Not even your publicists or managers — hell, not even your entertainment companies, knew that this was for genuine actuality, a real thing now. But you and him liked it that way.

You had let your fans go wild with their theories over the years of course. Every post, every comment, every little interaction, every collaboration, every press tour — almost everything seemed to spark a new wave of speculation and fan shipping. 

For years now, the internet was rife with hashtags like #OurSecretLovers and #MrAndMrsNanami with fans pouring over every detail like it's an investigatory report they were doing, a documentary study. You had to admit, it was amusing at times, watching people try to connect dots they couldn’t see. 

Nanami Kento had a reputation for being rather serious, because he gets roles in that league often. But he was a silly little man, well your silly little man. And he often had the knack for finding the most random, yet oddly endearing, posts about the two of you on Twitter. During your five-minute breaks between shoots, when you were in separate rooms or on different sets, his messages would pop up on your phone, accompanied by a link and a deadpan caption.

"Apparently, we're #RelationshipGoals now."

"Some of them really think I write poetry about you during my lunch breaks, too. Not inaccurate, of course. But the thoughts I have of you are different."

“My darling, behave.”

“No <3”

".......In any case, my darling…..this one says I’m lucky to have you. Can’t argue with that."

You’d giggle to yourself, your shoulders shaking as you tried not to draw attention. It didn’t matter how serious the production you were working on either. He had a way of making you laugh even from miles away. And that relaxes you a lot.

When it was your turn, you’d send him TikToks. Fancam edits of the two of you together had exploded in popularity as of late, especially since you both played a married couple who were spies deceiving each other recently. People thought he looked so good, especially when he had his shirt off. You loved teasing him about it. After all, he was really pretty hot in those scenes. And if you were being honest, they did in fact rile you up.

"Look at us, babe." you texted once, attaching a video with dramatic lighting, a love song playing over clips of you two stolen from interviews and behind-the-scenes footage. "We’re icons."

His reply came almost immediately: "Icons, sure. But I’m just a guy who got lucky enough to be yours, you know?"

Those words made your heart swell every time. He’d always been effortlessly humble, never letting fame or admiration inflate his ego, even as his star rose. After all, you were the senpai here—the darling of the Japanese screen since childhood. 

You’d grown up in the industry, your name synonymous with household stardom. He, on the other hand, had been a late bloomer, starting as a teenager and building his career with quiet determination.

He never let the difference in your status get in the way, though. If anything, it only made him more in awe of you. He’d often remind you how much he admired your grace, how you’d navigated the pressures of fame with a poise that still left him speechless.

“You’ve been dazzling audiences since you were a kid.” he’d say, his voice warm with pride. “I’m just lucky to share the screen with you now and your life.”

And you’d roll your eyes playfully, nudging him with a smile. “Don’t sell yourself short, Kento. You’re a fan favorite for a reason.”

“Maybe.” he replied with a soft smirk. “But you’re my favorite. And that’s what matters.”

No matter how busy your schedules got, those small exchanges, be it a funny link or a sentimental text, every bit of this kept you connected. It reminded you both that beneath the glitz and glamour, what truly mattered was the quiet, enduring love you shared.

You were out of your bubble soon enough when Kento suddenly caught your eye from across the room, offering a small, reassuring smile and then a small gentle nod. You felt your cheeks turn red but lowered your head immediately before anyone was to notice. He was too good at making you feel like this. And certainly so, he was hiding his smirk under his cue cards.

“Alright, places, everyone!” the director called.

You finally stood up from your chair, taking a deep breath and calmed down. You gave yourself one more look in the mirror, trying to make sure that your cheeks were natural now. When you felt like it was, you smiled at your manager who handed you the mic and swiftly thanked them. You went to your position. Kento soon approached, his footsteps purposeful but unhurried. 

“Ready?” he asked, his voice low and calm.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.” you replied, flashing him a smile.

You were grateful for the reassurance. Even if you were already such a big name, you still did get nervous. And even more so, with such a big show like this — the New Year Countdown, of course you could feel yourself slipping.

The two of you took your positions on stage as the lights dimmed and the opening music swelled. His fingers brushed against yours briefly as he fixed himself up, your pinkies touching. Even briefly, you could feel the warmth. He did that on purpose. You could see it in his caramel eyes. 

You let a brief smile echo on your lips. You gathered yourself as the lift came up slowly. When you both were in the sight of the gathered audiences and the cameras started to broadcast it all live, you both slipped effortlessly into your roles. After all, you both were professionals.

“Good evening, everyone, and welcome to this year’s New Year’s Eve Countdown!” you began, your voice bright and enthusiastic.

“Thank you for joining us as we bid farewell to the old year and welcome the new.” Kento added, his tone smooth and polished.

Your banter flowed naturally, as always. That well beloved chemistry between you is still ever so undeniable. It was easy to fall into a rhythm with him; he was your partner in every sense of the word. And that made your job tonight a little bit easier.

But of course, the real challenge was hiding the little moments that threatened to give you away that bit you kept so dear to you. You just can't help it when it comes to him. He has such a powerful pull on you and he knows it.

There were those little lingering glances, watching and feeling the way his fingers brushed yours when you handed him a card, the subtle softness in his smile when he looked at you. After all, this is the longest you could be together in your very busy schedules this year.

Still, you kept yourself in that cage. And so did he, despite his lack of patience when it comes to you and everything about you. As the night progressed, the energy in the studio grew electric.

Various music performances lit up the stage, and interviews with special guests kept the crowd engaged. Throughout it all, you and Kento remained the perfect duo—professional, poised, and completely in sync.

After nearly a few hours of composure, it came almost all too suddenly. In just a few moments, the final countdown approached, and the excitement was palpable. The two of you stood at the center of the stage, along with the other participants for this year’s event. In front of you, the crowd behind you cheering wildly, waiting excitedly for the new year.

“Here we go!” you said, your voice barely audible over the noise.

Kento leaned in slightly, his voice low enough for only you to hear. “You’re doing great, darling..”

Your heart fluttered, but you kept your composure. “Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself, babe.”

The countdown soon began.

You took a breath, looking at the screen.

You held your cue cards tightly to you.

“Ten! Nine! Eight!”

The lights soon dimmed, and the giant screen behind you displayed the numbers as they ticked down. The crowd’s voices grew louder with each second. The emotions coming through you were indescribable. Another year had gone by. But he was still by your side, like this. And all you could pray for as the time passed into a new age — that you would always be together.

“Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!”

Confetti soon rained down, and the studio erupted in cheers. You turned toward Kento, and for a fleeting moment, the world around you disappeared. The look in his caramel eyes was unmistakable—warm, tender, and filled with a quiet pride that made your chest tighten.

But just as quickly, the moment passed, and you both turned back to the crowd, waving and smiling as the cameras captured every angle. People of course started to pay less attention to you both and the stage and more onto the fireworks now blurring the sky with its bright hues. You and Kento made a steady exit off the stage. 

“Another successful project, isn’t it?” you said, breaking the silence as you leaned against the wall.

Kento smirked faintly, unbuttoning the top of his shirt to loosen his tie. “They’ll be talking about this for weeks, you know?”

“And shipping us even harder, hm.” you added with a laugh.

“They’ll never know, though.” he said, his voice soft but steady.

You stepped closer, your hand finding his. His fingers intertwined with yours, the simple gesture grounding you in a way nothing else could. “They don’t need to, babe.” you whispered, meeting his gaze. “This is ours.”

Kento’s lips curved into the faintest smile as he brought your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “Happy New Year, my darling.”

“Happy New Year.” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

You had thought it would end there, sweet and innocent. You had thought you both were safe for one more year. But when you two are together after a long time…..it was a whole new animal. And nothing can stop such a wave in high tide from occupying something whole. 

The next tithing you know is that the internet exploded the moment the photos dropped. Headlines blared across every platform, hashtags like #FINALLYOMG and #NewYearNewScandal trending within minutes after they were taken.

The pictures were pretty damning. They were blurry but unmistakably you, disheveled and wrapped in Nanami’s coat, your hair a mess. And him? A rare sight indeed.

It was none other than Nanami Kento, usually the epitome of composure, looking uncharacteristically undone. His tie was loose, his shirt wrinkled, and the telltale bruises blooming on his neck left little to the imagination.

You groaned, tossing your phone onto the coffee table as you buried your face in your hands. Beside you, Kento sat unbothered, calmly sipping his tea like the world wasn’t on fire—or at least your career’s PR team.

“I told you we should’ve been more careful, babe.” you muttered, your voice muffled by your palms.

He raised an eyebrow, the corner of his lips quivering into a teasing smile. “You were the one who couldn’t wait with it, y'know?” he replied smoothly, setting his cup down with an elegant clink.

His tone was infuriatingly calm, but the glint in his eyes betrayed his amusement. “Who was it again, begging me to fill you up? By round two, you were going—‘Kento, I need you. Right here. Right now.’ and I was happy to heed the request like always.”

Your scarlet blush was immediate, your head snapping up to glare at him. “Kento!” you hissed, glancing around the living room as if someone could overhear, even though it was just the two of you. “Not helping!”

He leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs with the air of a man thoroughly enjoying himself. “I’m just stating the facts about, I'm the same.” he said with a shrug, his smirk widening as you shot him another flustered look. "That's not a bad thing."

Your phone buzzed again on the table, your manager’s name flashing on the screen. You sighed, picking it up only to immediately huff and toss it back down. “This is really…” you trailed off, searching for the right word but settling on a frustrated groan instead.

“Chaotic? Consequential? Hilarious?” Kento offered, his voice laced with mock innocence.

You shot him a glare that was far more affectionate than threatening. “Horrible. That’s the word. This is horrible.”

He chuckled, reaching over to rest a comforting hand on your knee. “Darling, it’s not the end of the world. Scandal or not, we’ll deal with it.”

“Easy for you to say.” you grumbled, crossing your arms. “Your team probably thinks this is great publicity for your brooding, mysterious heartthrob image. Meanwhile, I’m the one getting texts about how unprofessional it looks for ‘Japan’s sweetheart’ to be caught sneaking around with hickeys and wearing her boyfriend’s coat.”

“Unprofessional?” he repeated, his tone incredulous. “It’s not like we committed a crime. We’re adults in a committed relationship. And in any case my darling....….” he added, his voice dropping to a playful murmur. “You look adorable in my coat.”

Despite yourself, you couldn’t help but crack a small smile. “You’re impossible.”

“And yet, you love me. Very much." he quipped, leaning over to steal a quick kiss from your lips.

You rolled your eyes but didn’t protest, instead letting your head fall onto his shoulder with a sigh. “Next time, though….really.....” you muttered. “We’re finding a stairwell without photographer cameras.”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to your temple. “Noted.”

As you leaned against your lover, the memory hit you both like a freight train, vivid and unrelenting. It had started innocently enough—or as innocently as it could between the two of you. The countdown show had gone off without a hitch, and the studio was still buzzing with post-show chaos. 

You both talked for a bit, had a cute moment and then went back to your professional mode when everyone started to surround you both again. It was like a switch, and it was easy. No one suspected a thing.

You went ahead into the dressing room, you talked with everyone. You’d been polite and professional, thanking the crew and chatting with some of the guests. But the moment Nanami Kento had caught your eye as you left the green room, something in his caramel gaze had made your pulse quicken.

You hadn’t seen him in weeks. Between his packed schedule and yours, the countdown project had been the only excuse to be in the same room together. The public facade you maintained only added to the frustration. Every fleeting touch, every shared look—it all built up, an unbearable tension neither of you could ignore.

So, when he’d quietly grabbed your hand and guided you down a quiet, rarely-used stairwell in the building when no one was looking, you hadn’t protested. You were excited, happy even. This was the chance to feel him again this close to you. 

And you were glad for that opportunity. You could feel his touch be so genuine and warm despite the heavy chill in the air, and the firm grip of his fingers around yours sent a shiver of anticipation down your spine.

“Darling, I missed you, really.” he murmured as soon as you were alone.

His voice low and rough, filled with a longing that made your knees weak. His hands cupped your face with a reverence that always left you breathless, his thumb brushing softly against your cheek as he leaned in. The kiss was searing, his lips melding with yours as though it had been an eternity since your last stolen moment together.

The cold winter air bit at your exposed skin, but his touch set you alight. His coat had slipped from his shoulders in a quiet, unspoken gesture, draped over yours as his lips moved to your neck. The kisses were hot, open-mouthed, and deliberate, his tongue tracing the sensitive skin before his teeth grazed your pulse.

“Kento, babe….” you gasped, your voice trembling from a mix of the frigid air and the heat of his attention. Your fingers clutched the lapels of his suit, trying to ground yourself against the onslaught of sensations.

“Shh, just enjoy it......” he whispered, his breath warm against your skin. 

His hands slid down your sides, firm but gentle as they gripped your thighs. Without hesitation, he lifted you effortlessly, pressing your back against the wall. The rough texture scraped against your coat, but you barely noticed, too focused on the way his body pressed into yours.

His strength always caught you off guard, even after all this time together. Your eager legs wrapped instinctively around his waist, your heels digging into his lower back. His hands gripped your thighs, spreading you open as he stepped between them, his body fitting against yours like a missing piece.

“Babe!” you breathed again, the sound barely audible over the pounding of your heart.

He kissed you like a man starved, his lips leaving your neck to reclaim your mouth. The intensity of it stole the air from your lungs, leaving you dizzy and clinging to him. He was hungry, perhaps even more than you were. But you had expected that. He has a habit of yearning to touch you a lot.

“I hate not being able to touch you, with all the schedules we fucking had.” he muttered against your skin, the words tinged with frustration and longing. “Hated every fucking minute of it……”

You tangled your fingers in his hair, the silky strands slipping through your fingers as you tugged him closer. “Then don’t stop, babe.” you whispered, the plea soft but desperate. “Cause….I need you badly too. I need you so bad in me—”

He growled softly, the sound rumbling against your throat as his touch shifted. One hand remained steady on your thigh, holding you firmly in place, while the other slid beneath the hem of your dress. His fingers were deliberate, pushing aside the delicate lace of your panties with practiced ease.

When his fingers slipped through your slick folds, a gasp escaped your lips, your head falling back against the wall. He groaned softly, the sound low and satisfied as he gathered your arousal, his touch teasing and unhurried.

“You’re already so ready for me, aren’t you, my darling?” he murmured, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear as his fingers moved with precision, finding the spot that made you arch into him.

The cold air around you was a stark contrast to the heat building between you, the quiet of the stairwell broken only by your uneven breaths and his whispered praises. It was reckless, indulgent, and utterly intoxicating—just like him.

“Kento, babe….oh!” you whimpered, your voice trembling as his fingers continued their unrelenting rhythm. Your hands clutched at his shoulders, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt as waves of pleasure began to build within you.

“Shh, darling.” he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear before trailing back to your neck. His voice was low and soothing, laced with a quiet intensity that only made your pulse race faster. “You’ll have to keep quiet for me. Can you do that?”

You nodded frantically, biting your lip to stifle the moan threatening to escape as he added a second finger. The stretch was delicious, his movements slow and deliberate, coaxing you higher with every stroke. His thumb brushed over your sensitive bud, and your thighs instinctively clenched around his waist.

He chuckled softly, his breath warm against your skin. “That’s my good little lover, hm? My only beloved darling.” he murmured, his praise sending a fresh wave of heat coursing through you. “So perfect for me.”

Your fingers slid up into his messy blond hair, tugging gently as your body arched against him. The rough texture of the wall behind you was a sharp contrast to the soft warmth of his touch, grounding you as he pushed you closer to the edge.

“Kento, please, b–babe….oh!” you breathed, the words barely audible as your head tilted back, exposing more of your neck to his eager lips. “M–more…..more!”

He hummed in response, the sound vibrating against your skin. “So impatient, aren’t you? Greedy too.” he teased, though his fingers quickened their pace, curling just right to hit the spot that made your breath hitch. “I missed seeing you like this, so needy for me.”

The heat pooling in your core intensified, your body trembling as the pleasure built to an unbearable peak. “I’m—” you began, but the words dissolved into a strangled gasp as he pressed his thumb harder against your sensitive nub.

“That’s it, pretty for me, so fucking pretty." He says, coaxing you like a pied piper. His voice was low and intoxicating. Everything about it just burns you as much as his touch did. "I’ve got you. Always.”

With one final stroke, the beautiful echo, that blossoming coil inside you just snapped, pleasure crashing over you like a tidal wave. Your body tensed, your thighs tightening around his waist as you buried your face in his shoulder to muffle the cry that escaped your lips.

He held you through it, his fingers slowing their movements as your body shook with aftershocks. His other hand slid up to cradle the back of your head, his lips pressing soothing kisses against your temple.

When you finally relaxed, your breaths coming in shallow gasps, he pulled back just enough to look at you. His eyes were soft, his gaze filled with a mixture of adoration and satisfaction that made your chest tighten.

“Better?” he asked, his tone light but tinged with affection.

You nodded, still too dazed to form words. He chuckled, adjusting his hold on you as he gently set you back on your feet. Your legs wobbled like jello against him, and he immediately steadied you, his hands firm but gentle on your waist.

“Careful, darling.” he murmured, his brow furrowing in concern. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, babe.” you managed, your voice breathless but steady. “More than fine.”

His lips quivered into a soft smile, and he leaned down to press a lingering kiss to your forehead. “Good.”

As the reality of your surroundings sank back in, you couldn’t help but glance around, the abandoned stairwell suddenly feeling far less private. “We should… probably get back, babe.” you said, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment. “It’s getting pretty late.”

He followed your gaze, his expression calm and unbothered. “Let them wonder where we went.” he said simply, shrugging off the concern as he adjusted his coat around your shoulders. "It's none of their business."

You opened your mouth to protest, but the mischievous glint in his eyes stopped you cold. He leaned closer, his breath warm against your ear as he whispered, “After all… I’m not done with you yet.”

Your breath hitched, and before you could respond, he was guiding you gently back against the wall. His lips found yours again, this time slower, deeper, igniting the fire he’d only begun to stoke. His hands trailed down your sides, their warmth chasing away the chill of the stairwell as he pressed his body firmly against yours.

“Kento, babe.” you murmured, a weak attempt to regain your composure, but he silenced you with a kiss that left no room for argument. 

“I missed you, a damn whole lot.” he said, his voice low and filled with longing as his hands slid to your thighs, lifting you effortlessly once more. "Like I always do."

Your legs wrapped around his waist instinctively, your heart pounding as the desire you’d both tried to suppress flared back to life. He pressed against you, the hardness of his arousal undeniable even through the fabric of his pants. The teasing grind of his hips against yours drew a gasp from your lips, and he smirked, his composure slipping just enough to show his need.

"Really....." Kento effortlessly whispered to you, his voice vibrating onto you like a wave crashing onto you at sea. "We shouldn't schedule much this New Year, hm? So we can be together."

"Hm.....Kento." You echo back to him, intoxicated by his touch. "'ake time....for me, okay? I'll.....I'll do the same."

“That's the plan already, you know?" he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear as he shifted, his hands tugging at the barriers between you. “Let me take care of you, like I always do.”

Soon after that, you could feel the wet, thick head of his member pressed against your entrance, the heat and pressure stealing the breath from your lungs. You gasped as he began to push in slowly, his movements deliberate, almost reverent.

It was too good, too damn easy to fall into a high to. You could feel the stretch inside of you, it made you so full. Everything about it was intoxicating, your body yielding to him as he filled you inch by inch, your walls clinging to every part of him like he was made to fit. 

It was like he was trying to make a home inside of it. Inside of you. And it just made you feel so good. A deep, guttural groan rumbled in his chest, his forehead dropping to rest against yours as he buried himself deeper.

“Darling.” he muttered, his voice strained and low. “You feel so perfect.”

You whimpered, your hands clutching at his shoulders for support as your body adjusted to the delicious fullness. The sensation was overwhelming, the slight ache quickly giving way to a heat that spread through your entire body.

“Kento.” you breathed, the sound a mix of plea and surrender.

His large hands gripped your hips, holding you steady as he pulled back slightly before thrusting forward again, the motion slow but unyielding. Each movement sent a jolt of pleasure coursing through you, and the friction only made you crave more.

“God, this is so…..you feel so good.” he groaned, his voice rough and filled with need. “You’re so tight. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go slow like this with you.”

“Don’t, babe.” you gasped, your fingers digging into his shoulders. “Don’t hold back.”

His carmel eyes darkened almost instantly at your words, a flicker of something primal overtaking his usual control. With a growl, he began to move in earnest, each thrust deeper and harder than the last. The sound of your bodies meeting echoed in the stairwell, a symphony of shared desire that neither of you could hold back.

The rough texture of the wall behind you only heightened the sensation, grounding you as he took you apart piece by piece. You could feel your back burn against the concrete wall as you throw your head back against it. His lips found yours in a searing kiss, his tongue claiming your mouth as thoroughly as his body claimed yours.

“Darling, my pretty baby darling.” he murmured against your lips, his voice ragged and desperate. “You’re mine. Always mine.”

“Yes, babe. Yours….O–oh…only! Only yours!” you managed to gasp, your head tilting back as he kissed along your throat, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. 

The coil in your core once more tightens with every spark you feel as he pushes deeper over and over in a fast pace. Everything about the pleasure you feel keeps building to an almost unbearable peak. It just felt too good. He felt too good.

His pace quickened, his breaths coming in harsh pants as his control began to slip. One hand slid between your bodies, his thumb finding your sensitive nub and rubbing it in quick, precise circles.

You cried out, your body arching into him as the tension finally snapped. Pleasure crashed over you in waves, your walls clenching tightly around him as your release tore through you.

“Fuck, fuck. I’m close!” he groaned, his movements becoming erratic as he chased his own release. With one final, deep thrust, he shuddered against you, his body going taut as he spilled himself inside you.

For a moment, the only sound was your shared, labored breathing, the intimacy of the moment wrapping around you like a cocoon. His forehead rested against yours, his hands gentle as they smoothed over your thighs and waist, grounding you both.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly, his voice filled with concern despite the lingering haze of pleasure in his eyes.

You nodded, a small smile tugging at your lips. “More than okay.”

He chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to your temple before gently setting you back on your feet. His hands remained steady on your waist, holding you as your legs wobbled beneath you. You leaned into him, your breath uneven, your body still humming from the intensity of what had just transpired.

But that wasn’t the end of it, of course. 

The hunger in his eyes hadn’t faded, and neither had yours. The raw desire that simmered between you was far from sated, and you both knew it. Kento’s hands lingered, his thumbs brushing soft, teasing circles against your hips as he studied your flushed face. 

“I just think that I…..” he murmured, his voice a low rumble. “I still want more.”

You barely had time to process his words before your lover’s lips were on yours again, roughly consuming you in a kiss that was as demanding as it was all encompassing. Your hands quickly found their way to his shoulders, pulling him closer to you. Your body instinctively responds to the magnetic pull of his, over and over.

“We shouldn’t…” you whispered between kisses, though your voice lacked conviction. “It’s going to make people suspicious.”

“Probably not.” he agreed, his smirk returning as his hands slipped under the hem of your dress, trailing up your thighs. “But repercussions are damned when we’re hungry. I can’t stop. I know you won’t too..”

The wall pressed against your back once more as he claimed you all over again, the cool stairwell air doing nothing to cool the fire that raged between you. It was reckless, but neither of you cared. Not here, not now. Hunger demanded to be fed, and with Nanami Kento, you were always insatiable.

After a while, you were both removed from the plane of normalcy and you were both panting with joyous weariness. He presses a kiss against your jaw as you keep a steady bite on his neck. He grumbles against you as he gathers himself from seeing stars. You follow him soon after. You released his neck and started kissing his lips once more. 

When you both found yourself satisfied, you both started to make yourselves as presentable as possible. Well, at least what remains presentable and salvageable for both of you. Kento ripped too much of your outfit as much as you did. Still, you both did not care. 

“We should get you cleaned up.” he murmured, his tone tender as he placed his coat on your shoulders and adjusted it tenderly on you, to keep you warm. “I’ll call my car and then we’ll just hop in there. We’ll go to my hotel, okay?”

You nodded again, your cheeks flushing as the reality of your surroundings began to sink in. But as he laced his fingers with yours and led you back toward the main building, you couldn’t help but feel a warm glow of contentment.

Of course, things too did not go the way you both wanted once again. You didn’t know that there were many SNS photographers  and gossip journalists waiting to catch some other celebrity in that area where Kento’s car was going to be. And that’s just how you were caught, not thinking about the logistics of it all. 

But how could you? It was New Years. 

You just got mindlessly blown with really, really, really good sex.

And you were together once again with your lover.

How could you think about anything else after all that? 

Now, back in the present, the two of you sat in the quiet of your shared apartment. Nanami Kento’s calm demeanor was a stark contrast to your frazzled nerves. You sighed, looking up to your lover who presses a kiss on your forehead.

“You know this is going to be everywhere, babe.” you said, gesturing toward your phone.

He set his tea down and leaned back, regarding you with a look of quiet amusement. “Let them talk, darling. It was bound to happen eventually.”

You groaned. “Eventually I didn't need to include hickeys and a ruined coat. And oh god….. was I leaking your cum?” 

You took your phone once again to inspect, but your lover took your phone with his free hand and put it away. You looked at him, almost sulky as one would look as a child. He laughs. He presses another kiss on your hair. Kento couldn’t help but smirk. Both acts had made your heart skip a beat. 

“You look good in my coat though. I could hardly care if my cum was dripping out, darling.” he said simply. “I’m pretty sure I look just as ridiculous. You mauled my neck so happily after that first round.”

“You  do look like you’ve been ravaged.” you shot back, though your cheeks burned at the memory. “I mean, it made sense at the time….I was hungry.”

“Hm, I don’t blame you.”

You sighed. “We’ll contact our PR and everyone later, okay?”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Hm.”  he said softly, his voice filled with the steady reassurance you’d always loved about him. “We’ll be fine, okay? I don’t care as long as I am with you.”

You sighed, leaning into his warm touch. “I guess the secret’s out, huh?”

He nodded, his gaze warm. “I don’t mind. As long as we're happy together, I say let them say whatever they want.”

You blinked at him. “You think so?”

“Hm.” He smiles at you. “Because no one will truly know who you are to me. That’s only mine. They’ll have a headline, but I’ll have the whole spreadsheet.”

You feel like your heart is melting with his tenderness. “I love you. So so much.”

“I love you too.” He kisses your lips, smiling wider at you.

And just like that, the storm outside felt a little less overwhelming.

[beaureveries]

ONE SHOT : BRAT TAMER

paige x azzi

trigger : mature content, degradation, brat Az

nasty nasty car smut y’all 🫣

- 6k words

——————————————————————————

Paige should’ve known better than to bring Azzi here.

She was already testing her patience before they’d even sat down, leaning against her at the bar like she didn’t have a care in the world, fingers tracing slow, innocent little circles on Paige’s thigh like it wasn’t deliberate. Like she didn’t know exactly what she was doing.

Paige had been good. Patient. A hand steady on Azzi’s hip, the occasional warning glance, a soft squeeze here and there.

But Azzi was tipsy now. Loose, flushed, leaning in close every time she spoke like Paige was the only person in the room. And maybe she was. But that didn’t mean Paige was gonna tolerate this shit here.

Not when Azzi’s hand had slipped just a little too high on her thigh.

Not when Azzi’s lips were brushing her ear, hot breath curling around every word like a promise.

“P,” Azzi whispered, voice barely audible over the hum of conversation around them, “Can we go home yet? I’m getting needy.”

Paige clenched her jaw, staring hard at her drink. “Behave.”

Azzi just smiled, sweet and devilish. “I am behaving.”

That hand drifted higher. Paige caught her wrist under the bar, fingers curling tightly around it, just hard enough to make Azzi whimper under her breath.

“You are this close to regretting that.”

Azzi’s grin only grew. “That a threat or a promise?”

God, she was gonna kill her.

Across the table, Ice and KK were pretending not to watch, but Paige caught the smirk on KK’s face, the quick nudge to Ice’s ribs. They knew. Everyone knew exactly what Azzi was doing. And the worst part was-

Paige loved it.

Loved how bratty Azzi got when she was tipsy. Loved how much she needed Paige’s attention. Loved how she could pretend to be bold, even though Paige knew the second she got her alone, Azzi would fall apart for her like she always did.

Azzi’s hand slipped dangerously high, fingertips brushing against Paige’s waistband now.

“Azzi,” Paige said low, voice sharp, eyes cutting toward her with a glare that could’ve frozen the entire place over. “Don’t.”

But Azzi leaned in closer, lips right by Paige’s jaw, eyelashes fluttering like she was innocent.

“Can’t help it,” she murmured. “You’re so hot when you’re mad at me.”

Paige saw red. Her hand dropped to Azzi’s thigh, squeezing so tight Azzi let out a soft gasp, almost more needy than startled.

“That’s it,” Paige muttered darkly. “We’re leaving.”

Azzi blinked up at her, faux innocent. “But—”

“No.” Paige stood abruptly, dragging Azzi up by the wrist, ignoring the way KK was openly laughing now, Ice shaking her head in amusement.

“Handle your girl, Bueckers,” KK called after them, biting back a grin.

“Oh, I will,” Paige shot back over her shoulder, her tone making Ice cough into her drink.

Azzi stumbled after her, giggling, dress riding up a little as she struggled to keep up in her heels.

And Paige didn’t even care anymore who was watching.

Azzi wanted to act like a brat?

She was about to find out exactly what happened when Paige stopped being nice.

—

The second they hit the parking lot, Paige was already regretting not dragging Azzi to the car sooner.

Azzi stumbled a little in her heels, but Paige kept her steady with a hand on her waist, guiding her through the dark like she didn’t want anyone else even looking at her. Her jaw was tight, lips pressed into a firm line, eyes locked ahead.

Azzi, meanwhile, looked absolutely pleased with herself. Like this was her plan the whole damn time.

By the time they got in the car, Paige was gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckles had gone white.

Silence for the first two blocks. Paige focusing on the road. On her breathing. On not turning this whole thing around and dragging Azzi to the backseat right then and there.

But Azzi wasn’t done.

She shifted in the passenger seat, slow and deliberate, letting her dress ride up her thighs inch by inch. Paige could see it happening in her periphery, pretending she didn’t notice. But Azzi was making sure she did.

“Baby…”

“Don’t.”

Azzi pouted, fingers toying with the hem of her dress. “It’s not my fault you looked hot as hell tonight.”

Paige didn’t take her eyes off the road. “It’s not my fault you don’t know how to act in public.”

That made Azzi smirk.

And then — the real problem — her hand slid under the dress. Slowly. Teasingly. Paige didn’t need to look to know what she was doing, but when her eyes flicked over for just a second, she caught the glimpse of damp fabric between Azzi’s thighs, and that was it.

Paige’s patience snapped like a frayed wire.

“Azzi.”

“Mhm?” Azzi’s voice was sweet, breathy, pretending innocence like she wasn’t already circling her hips into her own hand.

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

Azzi’s head fell back against the seat, lips parting, a soft whimper escaping when her fingers pressed down harder against herself.

Paige’s jaw locked.

Two more blocks.

Azzi let out another soft gasp, hips shifting again.

One block.

“Jesus Christ, Azzi—”

Azzi turned her head, breathless, eyes glassy and dark, voice low. “Can’t help it. You’re driving me crazy.”

And Paige felt it, sharp and low in her gut, the way that sentence hit her harder than it should’ve.

She flicked the turn signal, pulling hard into a side street, parking fast, hands already unclipping her seatbelt.

“Get in the back.”

Azzi blinked at her, flushed, excited. “Now?”

“Now.”

Paige’s voice left no room for argument.

Azzi scrambled over the center console, giggling like she’d won — like this whole thing was just one big game she was about to get rewarded for.

But she was wrong.

This wasn’t going to be gentle.

This was going to be payback.

Paige didn’t waste time. The moment she was in the back with Azzi, she grabbed her by the thighs and yanked her closer dragging her into her lap making Azzi squeak in surprise. Thighs spread over Paige’s jeans, that tiny dress bunched around her waist now. Paige didn’t even let her get comfortable — rough hands gripping Azzi’s hips, forcing her down to straddle her properly.

“You don’t get to act like that in public,” Paige hissed, dragging Azzi’s ruined panties down her thighs. “What, you wanted me to take you right there on the fucking table?”

Azzi whimpered, cheeks burning, eyes glassy. “Maybe.”

“Brat.” Paige growled. “You don’t even know what you’re asking for, such a slut for me.”

Azzi whined, breath hitching, the alcohol making her warm and desperate, head falling into the crook of Paige’s neck.

“I told you to wait,” Paige murmured against her ear, voice dark, dangerous. “You just don’t listen, do you?”

Azzi shook her head weakly, eyelashes fluttering, lips brushing against Paige’s throat.

“No,” she whispered, completely shameless.

Paige smirked.

“Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Her hands dragged up Azzi’s thighs, thumbs stroking deliberately slow, not going anywhere Azzi wanted them to go. Teasing her on purpose. Watching her squirm.

Azzi was already falling apart, hips rocking subtly against Paige’s lap like she couldn’t help herself, like her whole body was betraying her.

“Look at you,” Paige murmured. “Can’t even sit still. Such a mess already, huh?”

Azzi nodded, desperate, breathless, practically shaking in Paige’s lap, her hips still rocking subtly even though Paige still hadn’t given her anything. Just touches — light, infuriating, deliberate. Nowhere near enough.

But Paige wasn’t interested in being nice yet.

“Go ahead,” Paige murmured against her ear, voice like honey over gravel. “Say it.”

Azzi blinked up at her, dazed, not quite following.

“Say what?”

Paige’s fingers tightened around Azzi’s hips, keeping her perfectly still.

“That you’re sorry. And that you’re never pulling that shit in public again.”

Azzi whimpered, cheeks burning, breath coming in short little gasps.

“P, I—I didn’t mean—”

“Didn’t mean to grind all over me at the bar like a little brat? Didn’t mean to get everyone staring?” Paige’s tone dropped lower, eyes flashing. “You think I didn’t notice KK laughing? Ice shaking her head?”

Azzi squirmed, embarrassment curling in her stomach now, making her even needier, if that was possible.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, voice cracking, pressing her forehead to Paige’s shoulder. “I swear I won’t— I won’t ever do that again.”

Paige tilted her chin up sharply with two fingers, making Azzi look at her. Making her mean it.

“Say it better.”

Azzi swallowed, thighs trembling, wide eyes locked on Paige’s.

“I’m sorry for teasing you in public,” she whispered, cheeks flushed, breathing uneven. “I won’t do it again. Promise. I’ll be good.”

Paige stared her down for a long, tense beat — then finally, finally, the barest hint of approval in her smirk.

“There she is.”

But the reward wasn’t immediate. Oh no. Not yet.

Because Paige didn’t move her hand yet. Didn’t slide her fingers where Azzi was throbbing for her. Just kept circling those slow, feather-light touches along the inside of Azzi’s thighs, barely brushing over skin that was already hypersensitive, already ruined.

Azzi was desperate now. Tears pricked at her eyes from frustration, from the overwhelming ache between her legs, from the humiliation of having to beg and promise just to get what she needed.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered again, softer now, burying her face in Paige’s neck, completely pliant, like she’d broken herself down just to fit into Paige’s hands.

“Sorry to who?”

“You P—

“Not that”

“You— daddy”

“Uh-huh I know you are.” Paige hummed, leaning back against the seat like she had all the time in the world. “And you’re gonna remember this next time you get ideas at a bar, aren’t you?”

Azzi nodded frantically. “Yes. I swear.”

“And you’re gonna ask nicely next time you want something?”

Another desperate nod. “Please— daddy. I’ll be so good for you. I swear.”

That finally earned her a real touch — Paige’s fingertips pressing just barely over the soaked fabric covering Azzi, dragging a soft, broken sob from her throat.

“Yeah,” Paige murmured, voice smug now, curling slow, devastating circles right where Azzi was aching. “That’s more like it.”

And she didn’t rush it. Not at all. She dragged the buildup out, deliberately not giving Azzi exactly what she wanted, keeping the pressure light, teasing, just enough to have her rocking her hips helplessly into Paige’s palm, desperate for more friction.

“I’m not gonna be nice yet,” Paige warned her darkly, watching the way Azzi broke over nothing, tears slipping down her cheeks purely from need. “I’m gonna make you earn it first.”

Azzi nodded, breath catching on another sharp inhale. “I will, I will— I’ll do anything—”

Paige smirked, finally letting her thumb press down in that devastating, slow rhythm Azzi loved, just starting to give her enough friction to climb toward release — but still just out of reach, just slow enough to drag her to the edge without letting her fall over.

Tears slipping down Azzi’s cheeks, breathy little sobs building, thighs trembling around Paige’s lap, hands clutching Paige’s shoulders like she was drowning.

Paige leaned close, lips brushing her ear, voice steady, cruel in its softness.

“Now you can thank me.”

And Azzi did — broken, breathless, desperate — “Thank you, thank you— daddy”

The second Paige finally pressed her fingers properly against Azzi’s center, she felt it — that sharp, electric jolt shooting through Azzi’s whole body, her thighs tensing, her breath catching like she’d been sucker-punched.

And still… Paige didn’t give her everything. Not yet.

She started slow. Agonizingly slow. Dragging her fingers up and down through the wetness, deliberately lazy, barely pressing in at all. Like she knew exactly how to drive Azzi crazy, exactly how to make her beg harder, how to own her in this backseat like it was the only place that mattered.

Azzi whimpered helplessly, forehead pressed to Paige’s shoulder now, fists gripping Paige’s t-shirt like it was the only thing keeping her together.

“P… please…”

Paige smirked, curling two fingers around the edge of Azzi’s panties and pulling them to the side, exposing how ruined she already was.

“Messy already. You’re pathetic.”

Azzi whined, hips lifting slightly, chasing Paige’s hand, her whole body working against her because her brain was just— gone. She wasn’t thinking anymore. Just feeling. Needing.

Paige leaned in, lips brushing Azzi’s ear. “And you like that, don’t you? You like when I call you that.”

Azzi nodded frantically, cheeks flushed, lips parted, panting like she’d just run a mile.

“I do,” she gasped. “I— I’m sorry. I’ll be good. I swear. Just— please—”

Paige’s hand slipped just barely lower, the pads of her fingers finally sliding over Azzi’s bare folds, warm and slick and perfect.

She stroked once.

Azzi’s entire body jerked, her nails digging into Paige’s shoulders.

“F-Fuck— daddy—”

“Yeah,” Paige breathed, curling her fingers again, deeper this time, pressing inside so slow it felt like it took forever. “You’re gonna give it to me. All of it. Right here.”

The tension in Azzi’s thighs was unbearable — every muscle trembling, her hips fighting Paige’s grip to move faster, needing more. But Paige wouldn’t let her.

Every thrust of Paige’s fingers was purposefully slow, drawing back almost completely before pressing in again, dragging over that perfect spot inside, curling deliberately.

Azzi was falling apart in real time, head falling back, lips parted on gasping little sobs, body rocking involuntarily even though Paige was holding her hips down, keeping her in place.

“You’re not getting away,” Paige murmured, biting Azzi’s jaw, not hard, just enough to make her cry out. “You’re gonna sit here like a good girl and take everything I give you.”

Azzi was already crying — soft, overwhelmed tears rolling down her flushed cheeks, mixing with the sweat sticking her hair to her face.

“I c-can’t—”

“Yes, you can,” Paige shot back immediately, ruthless but soft, stroking that spot inside her slow, deliberate, brutal in how controlled it was. “You can and you will, because that’s what good girls do for me.”

Azzi let out a soft, broken moan, trembling all over.

“Good girls give it to me when I tell them to. And you wanna be my good girl, don’t you baby?”

“Yes!”

Paige finally sped up, not by much, but enough. Her palm brushing right over Azzi’s clit each time she curled her fingers deep, pressing there just long enough to make Azzi’s entire body tense like a live wire.

Azzi’s hands were clawing at Paige now, nails digging into her arms, like she needed something to hold onto while her entire world shattered around her.

“P— fuck—”

“Let go,” Paige ordered, voice rough against her ear. “You can fall apart for me. Go ahead. I want you to.”

That was it.

The sob that broke from Azzi’s throat was beautiful, raw and desperate, and her whole body snapped, her back arching sharply, thighs shaking uncontrollably as Paige fucked her through it, holding her steady, making her ride it all the way out.

“Good girl,” Paige whispered, nipping at her earlobe, her free hand stroking Azzi’s waist gently now, tender against the brutal rhythm of her other hand. “That’s it. Give it to me. All of it.”

And Azzi did.

Completely gone. Obliterated. Melting into Paige’s arms like she’d never be able to move again, soft little hiccupping breaths catching in her throat as Paige finally slowed down, easing her through the aftershocks like she owned every inch of her.

Which she did.

Azzi’s forehead pressed into Paige’s neck, breath shaky, heart pounding.

“Fuck…” Azzi whispered, voice broken and hoarse. “I’m yours. I’m so yours.”

Paige grinned, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, proud, smug, possessive.

“I know.”

The inside of the car was still thick with heat, Azzi’s breathing shaky, her face buried in Paige’s neck as she slowly tried to come back to earth. Her thighs still trembled every so often, little aftershocks rolling through her body as Paige rubbed her hand slowly up and down her back.

“Shh,” Paige murmured softly, lips brushing over Azzi’s hairline. “You did so good for me. My good girl.”

Azzi let out a soft whimper, nuzzling into Paige’s skin like she could disappear there, her body limp, spent, wrecked in the best way possible.

Paige smiled, curling her arms around Azzi’s waist and keeping her pressed close, just holding her now, all the roughness from earlier gone, replaced by soft, protective touches.

“Look at you,” Paige teased gently, voice low. “Could barely take it, huh?”

Azzi nodded, cheeks flushed, tears still drying on her skin, but smiling now, dazed and a little proud of herself for it.

Paige kissed her forehead again, lingering there, whispering, “You’re so pretty like this.”

Azzi hummed softly, eyes fluttering shut.

But then Paige leaned back a little, hand tilting Azzi’s chin up, making her meet her eyes.

“Not gonna pull that shit again in public, are you?” she asked, grinning now, teasing but sharp, eyes glinting with playful threat.

Azzi bit her lip, her voice barely above a whisper. “No.”

“No what?”

Azzi’s cheeks burned. “No, daddy.”

Paige smirked. “That’s my girl.”

And just like that, her hand came up to gently brush the sweaty strands of hair off Azzi’s forehead, the softness returning full force, her thumb stroking slow circles on Azzi’s hip.

“I got you,” she whispered, her voice warm now, all that sharpness melted into affection. “Always got you.”

Azzi just nodded, curling up in Paige’s lap, utterly content, safe, hers.

And Paige just held her there, letting the cool air from the cracked window roll over them both, the weight of it — the love, the want, the everything — filling every inch of that tiny backseat.

Just the two of them. No one else. Always.

[lalo0]

INSIDE AESPA EP. 2┃ You asked for it

Male reader x Giselle

Word count: 6k

Tags: BDSM, squirting, rough sex, dirty talk, teasing PART 1

The door clicked shut. The lock turned.

Giselle stood there for a moment, her back to me, her breath still shallow.

She didn’t move right away.

She just pressed her forehead against the door like she was listening for something on the other side — a second knock, maybe, or the sound of footsteps walking back in.

Nothing.

Slowly, she turned around. Her face was still flushed. Lip gloss ruined. A faint pink bite mark at the edge of her collarbone. Her shirt hung wrong. Her eyes scanned me head to toe like she was checking for evidence.

“You’re lucky I like you,” she said, breathless.

I was already walking toward her. She didn’t resist.

The kiss landed fast, messy, a little too desperate — like we needed to remind ourselves that we were still here, still touching, still not caught. Her mouth was slick and soft, and when her hands slid up under my shirt, I didn’t stop her. I didn’t want to.

She was the one who broke away first.

Her laugh came low and a little uneven. “Fuck.”

I swallowed hard. “Think she saw anything?”

Giselle shook her head. “No idea.”

There was a beat of silence. I saw it then — not fear exactly, but tension. Like she wasn’t sure if she’d played it off well enough.

“She asked if I was alone,” she said, quieter now. “I told her I was.”

“Did she believe you?”

She shrugged. “Karina’s hard to read.”

I exhaled. The storm inside me hadn’t passed yet. My pulse was still racing like we were mid-act.

But Giselle looked at me and grinned again — that crooked, chaotic grin — and just like that, it tilted the whole mood back into something dangerous.

“I’m guessing she doesn’t usually walk in on you after you…” I trailed off, motioning vaguely between us.

She tilted her head. “After I what?”

I gave her a look. “You know.”

“Oh,” she said, like it had just occurred to her. “After I fuck someone during intermission?”

“Something like that.”

She grinned. “No. That was a first.”

I nodded. “Glad I could help you check something off your bucket list.”

She took a step closer, her fingers curling into the front of my shirt.

“You’re not off the hook yet,” she said.

My stomach did that twist again. That low, coiled thing she always seemed to provoke.

Then, without warning: “Give me your phone.”

“What?”

She held out her hand. “Phone. Now.”

I hesitated.

She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t make me steal it. I’m good at that.”

I handed it over.

She typed fast, thumbing her number into my contacts like she’d done it a hundred times. Then she hit call on herself.

From somewhere down the hall, a faint buzz.

“There,” she said, handing it back. “Now you have me.”

“Just like that?”

She shrugged. “I’m efficient.”

“You do this often?”

“Only when I want seconds.”

That pulled a quiet laugh out of me.

She stepped back, pulling her hair into a lazy knot that immediately fell apart again.

“I want dinner,” she said.

“Tonight?”

“Tomorrow.” She paused. “Nothing fancy. Just somewhere I can look at you across a table and decide if I want to jump you again.”

My eyebrows rose.

“And if I say no?”

“You won’t.”

Her tone wasn’t arrogant. Just… certain.

I looked at her. Still messy. Still glowing.

“Okay,” I said.

She started toward the door, then turned back one more time.

“Oh,” she said, casual as anything. “Don’t jerk off tonight.”

I blinked. “What?”

“I want you starving.”

She left me there in the hallway, every nerve in my body still lit up and humming like a live wire.

The door closed behind her with a soft click. Just enough to seal the moment in place.

I stood there in the hallway, alone again.

But not the same.

My shirt was still unbuttoned at the top, collar loose. My jeans sat low on my hips, not quite zipped all the way. The heat between my legs had cooled just enough to make my skin start catching up to the air around it. There was still a smear of lipstick under my jaw. Her smell clung to me — skin, sweat, and perfume I didn’t know the name of but would probably chase for the rest of the night.

I rolled my shoulders out, took a breath, and let the weight of everything settle.

She was gone. But the high she left behind hadn’t faded.

Mylo, meet chaos.

And somehow, it suited me.

I wasn’t the type to get swept up in things. I liked knowing the score. Knowing what came next. I handled my own business. Kept things simple. People trusted me because I didn’t get rattled, and I didn’t bullshit.

But Giselle? She was like setting fire to the plans I didn’t know I had. She pulled me into something fast and sharp, and the part of me that should’ve hesitated… didn’t.

It didn’t feel like losing control.

It felt like matching energy.

And yeah — I liked the way it felt.

I rubbed the back of my neck and made my way to the rear stairwell. The hallway lights were soft, gold-toned, humming low like the building was trying not to wake up. I took the steps down two at a time, not rushing — just needing air.

The door opened into the back alley behind the venue. Cool night air hit my face. It smelled like asphalt and leftover smoke and something wet. I leaned against the wall and looked up.

No stars. Just a low ceiling of cloud and haze, washed gray by the city lights.

I stayed there, breathing, not thinking too hard. Just letting it all run through me.

She wanted a date.

That part echoed.

Not a one-night thing. Not a brush-off. A real date.

The girl who walked circles around a stadium full of people had pulled me into her world — and now wanted to see if I could handle it outside the fantasy.

I could.

I didn’t need to prove myself. I didn’t chase. But when I cared? When I gave a fuck? I didn’t back off either.

If I said I’d show up — I would. If I said I’d take care of something — I did. That’s who I was. Always had been.

And right now? I wanted to know what came next. Not because she was beautiful. Not because of the sex. But because… somewhere between her mouth and that look she gave me when she said, “Don’t be boring,” I started to care.

Just a little.

Enough to make it matter.

By the time I got home, I’d stopped sweating, but not thinking.

The city was dead quiet. Just a few late-night food trucks packing up, their metal shutters slamming like distant doors. The kind of hour where even the rats move slower.

I let myself in, shut the door behind me, and leaned back against it for a second before turning on the light.

The room looked the same as always — two-room studio, clean because I didn’t own enough to mess it up. No posters. No souvenirs. Just me, a desk, a couch, and a mattress on the floor. My bag was in the corner where I dropped it this morning, back when today was supposed to be boring.

Now I was standing here, half-undressed, lips still tingling from hers, with dried sweat at the small of my back and the ghost of her mouth burned into my skin.

I dragged my shirt off and tossed it on the bed. Stood in front of the mirror, just for a second.

Neck a little red. Jaw tight. Chest marked up faintly from her hands, her mouth. I looked like someone who’d just had sex in a closet.

And somehow… not out of place.

I rinsed my face, grabbed a clean tee, and sat on the edge of the bed.

I wasn’t spinning. I wasn’t flustered. But there was something in my chest that hadn’t settled — a kind of electric tension, not from the sex, but from the way she looked at me after. Like I’d passed some test without knowing I was being graded.

And maybe I didn’t mind.

I’ve never been someone who needs validation. But when I care — when I really care — it sticks. I remember how people treat me. I remember the way their voice shifts when something real slips out. And I remembered hers, right before I left:

“Pick somewhere good.”

Not fancy. Not performative.

Just… honest.

I leaned back, stared at the ceiling.

This wasn’t some cheap hookup.

She gave me her number. Told me she wanted more.

And whether that was about the sex, or about something else entirely — I already knew I was showing up.

Not because I had something to prove.

Because I wanted to see her again.

That was enough.

I woke up half-hard and annoyed about it.

Not because I didn’t want her — I did, obviously. But because she told me not to jerk off, and now my dick was acting like we were following orders.

The clock said 10:13. Too early for a weekend. Too late to still be pretending last night didn’t happen.

I rolled over and checked my phone.

One notification.

[Unknown Number]

1 new message

9:41 AM

"Still starving?"

No emojis. Just that.

It didn’t say her name, but it didn’t have to.

I stared at it for a second longer than I meant to.

Starving was the right word.

I thumbed out a reply.

"You’re lucky I’m not the type to eat alone."

Three dots. Then a pause.

"Pick a place. Make it worth my time."

I smirked. She really didn’t do emojis.

I pulled myself out of bed and went to make coffee, the kind of slow ritual that kept me grounded. Ground beans. French press. Two fingers of oat milk. A full glass of water on the side. Everything in order, because that’s what I could control.

Her? Not so much.

I sat at my desk in just my boxers, scrolling through places in walking distance. She didn’t seem like a diner girl. But not the type to get impressed by reservations, either.

Somewhere in the middle. Clean lines. Good light. A menu that didn’t try too hard.

I picked a spot. Sent it to her.

"6:30. Laine’s on 4th. Booth by the window’s usually quiet."

Her reply came back instantly.

"If it sucks, you’re paying twice."

I stared at the screen.

I didn’t want to smile.

But I did.

She was already there when I arrived.

Corner booth, back to the wall, hoodie draped over the seat beside her like she owned the place. Black top. Minimal makeup. Hair down. Not stage-ready — real. And somehow even hotter for it.

She didn’t look up right away. Just kept stirring something in her glass. Like I was the one late.

I slid into the booth across from her.

“Hey,” I said.

Now she looked up. And smirked.

“You clean up,” she said. “Didn’t think you’d own pants without holes.”

“You look—” I paused. “Not like someone who gives a fuck about concerts.”

She tilted her head. “You still don’t know anything about me, huh?”

“Nope.”

“Good.”

The waiter came. She ordered a whiskey sour, neat. I asked for the same. She raised an eyebrow, impressed but not surprised.

We didn’t talk about last night.

Not yet.

Not in words.

But I felt it every time her eyes lingered a little too long on my hands. Every time her foot shifted under the table and brushed mine. Every time her fingers ghosted along the rim of her glass like she wanted it to be skin instead.

“You said you do UX,” she said.

“Freelance.”

“You good at it?”

“Yeah.”

“You like it?”

I shrugged. “I like building something clean. That works. That feels right without needing to be explained.”

She nodded once. “That’s sexy.”

I blinked. “UX is sexy?”

She leaned in a little. “Making something intuitive? Something smooth? No friction?” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Yeah. That’s sexy.”

I laughed. Just once.

She smiled like she won that round.

The drinks came.

She sipped hers like it was water. I watched the way her tongue grazed the rim of the glass when she wasn’t thinking about it — or maybe she was. With her, it was hard to tell.

“You really didn’t know who I was?” she asked, finally.

I shook my head. “Didn’t recognize you. Still kinda don’t.”

Her expression flickered. Not offense. Just surprise. Then curiosity.

“Everyone always recognizes us.”

“I’m not everyone.”

“No,” she said, eyes locking onto mine. “You’re not.”

We let the silence sit between us. It wasn’t awkward. It was the kind that says, we could say something important right now, but neither of us is ready to.

“So what’s your deal?” she asked, leaning back. “You live alone. You don’t fanboy. You can hold eye contact without turning red. What’s the catch?”

“No catch.”

“Bullshit.”

I shrugged. “I don’t play games.”

She smirked. “That’s what people say when they’re losing.”

“Or when they’re already winning.”

That earned a real laugh — low, genuine.

“Okay, Mylo.”

She said my name like it tasted good.

She looked at me for a long time after that. No blinking. No cover. Just… looked.

And something about the way her leg brushed mine under the table didn’t feel accidental anymore.

“Bathroom break,” she said suddenly, sliding out of the booth.

I watched her walk away, eyes on her shoulders, the sway of her hips. She didn’t look back.

But I knew she knew I was watching.

She came back with her hands damp, her lips freshly glossed.

The booth creaked when she slid in again. Her knee brushed mine and didn’t move this time.

“Miss me?” she asked, reaching for her drink.

“You were gone thirty seconds.”

“That’s a no.”

“It’s a neutral.”

She grinned. “Noted.”

We didn’t talk about anything serious after that — just movies, food, bullshit. She asked if I liked spicy food. I said yes. She said she didn’t trust people who didn’t sweat.

The vibe shifted halfway through her second drink.

Not dramatic. Just a lean. A look.

She tapped her nails on the table, slow. Let her shoe nudge mine once, twice.

“You’re still not nervous,” she said, not quite a question.

“I don't see a reason to be.”

“That’s new.”

“Why? Because guys usually can’t stop staring at your tits?”

“They usually can’t stop talking. Or apologizing.”

“For what?”

“For wanting something.”

I let that sit a second.

Then: “I’m not sorry.”

She glared, just a little, then bit the cherry floating at the top of her drink. She didn't spit the pit. Just chewed it like it wasn't even there.

“That supposed to scare me?” I asked.

“Is it working?”

“Maybe.”

"You're hard to read."

"Good."

Her smile curved slow.

“You want to get out of here?”

She didn’t whisper it. Didn’t blush.

Just dropped it like a fact on the table between us.

I met her eyes. “Yeah.”

She pulled her phone out, typed fast. Then looked up.

“Ten minutes. Our driver’ll be outside.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Our?”

“You’re coming to my house.”

“Just like that?”

She leaned in close, her voice lower now.

“You think I’m letting you jerk off to me alone after last night?”

Pause.

“You’re cute.”

The car was already waiting when we stepped out.

Not matte black. Not flashy. Just sleek and low enough to say, this ride doesn’t stop for everyone.

The driver didn’t ask questions. Just gave her a nod and pulled off once the doors shut.

She sat beside me, not across. One leg crossed over the other. Close enough that I could smell her again — something floral layered with sweat and leftover lipstick. Her thigh brushed mine, but she didn’t lean in.

She didn’t have to.

I watched the city lights flicker across the windshield. Neither of us talked. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It was a different kind of foreplay.

Her hand landed on my knee. Casual. Like it belonged there. She didn’t move it. Just let it rest — skin to skin through the denim, light enough to make my breath hitch once before I masked it.

“You keep surprising me,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“You’ve got that look. The kind that says you’re either gonna fold, or you’re gonna own the table.”

I glanced at her. “Which is it?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

The car turned sharply. She didn’t flinch. Just kept her hand on my leg like she had the right.

We pulled up to a private building — tall, clean lines, polished glass, the kind of place with no visible front desk and a keycard entry. She thanked the driver. I didn’t ask if he heard anything.

Inside the elevator, it was just us. No music. No mirrors. Just the dull buzz of electric tension and the slow tick of floors passing.

She stepped closer.

Not to kiss.

Not to tease.

Just to stand in my space and look up at me.

I didn’t flinch either.

Ding.

Top floor.

She stepped out without looking back.

I followed.

Her place was quiet.

Big windows. Open space. Low light. No mess. No small talk. The kind of place that doesn’t ask what you think — just waits for your reaction.

She led the way down the hall like she didn’t care if I was impressed. I liked that.

Halfway to the bedroom, she stopped at a drawer. Not a nightstand. Something built into the wall. She opened it and pulled something out without even looking.

I stepped closer.

There were things inside.

A pair of cuffs — soft black metal, with D-rings. Clean, simple, lined with something smooth on the inside. A coil of rope. A slim crop. A blindfold folded tight. A black flogger and a vibrator.

She held up the cuffs by one of the straps.

Then turned to face me.

“You remember the last time?”

Her voice was even. Like this wasn’t a big deal. 

“I do.”

“You were good,” she said. “Very good.”

She stepped closer. Barefoot now. Calm.

“I bought these yesterday,” she said. “After you left.”

“You thinking about me when you picked them out?”

Her mouth twitched. Not quite a smile. Not quite denial.

She handed them to me.

I turned them over in my hand. Light. Smooth. Real.

“You want me to use these on you?”

She didn’t say yes.

She just stepped back.

Turned.

And walked toward the bedroom like she already knew I’d follow.

She didn’t look back.

She didn’t have to.

I followed.

Her bedroom looked exactly how I expected.

Big bed. Dark sheets. Clean lines. Dim light from one warm lamp in the corner. A mirror leaned against the wall, half-dressed in its own shadow. Everything about the space felt intentional. Controlled.

Until she was in it.

Then the room belonged to her.

She stood near the bed, watching me. Still not speaking. Still waiting.

I closed the door behind me.

Held the cuffs up between us.

“Last chance,” I said.

She didn’t move.

“Tell me to stop.”

Nothing.

I stepped closer. Close enough to hear her breathing change.

“Say it.”

Her voice was quiet. Steady. “No.”

I nodded once, then reached for her wrists.

The cuffs clicked around her wrists — metal, cold, and snug.

She didn’t ask questions. Didn’t shift or resist. Just held her arms up and watched me like she already knew what kind of night this would be.

I tied her wrists to the headboard. Not tight. Just enough to remind her she wasn’t going anywhere unless I let her.

Then I reached for the blindfold.

“You want this?”

She nodded, lips slightly parted.

I slipped it over her eyes. Watched the change — the little twitch in her breath, the subtle way her lips curled like she already missed seeing me.

Now she couldn’t.

That was the point.

I stepped back and let the silence build. Let her hear nothing but her own breathing.

Then I opened the drawer again.

Pulled out the flogger.

Metal tails. Weighted. Cool in my hand.

I ran it lightly down her chest. No impact — just tease. Let the cold strands drag across her nipples, over her stomach, between her legs.

She whimpered.

Then I gave her one light strike on the thigh.

She gasped.

Another — higher.

“Ah—!”

A third, between her legs, just barely.

Her hips bucked.

“Mm—please…”

I said nothing. I watched her. Fully exposed. Blindfolded. Hands bound. Legs trembling. Not from fear — from need.

I grabbed the vibrator. Switched it on.

Low hum.

She twitched.

I held it just above her slit, hovering.

“What is that?” she asked, voice already shaky.

I touched it to her clit for one second.

She moaned. Loud.

Then I pulled it away.

“No—!”

I smiled.

Did it again. Again. No rhythm. No warning. Just pulses of pressure and denial. Her body started shaking with every almost-release.

“Fuck—fuck, please—Mylo—let me—”

I pressed it harder.

Her legs tensed.

Then I turned it off.

Her mouth dropped open, desperate.

“You want to cum?” I asked, leaning in close.

“Yes. Please. I—fuck—I need it—”

“Then beg.”

“Please—please, I’ll do anything—just—Mylo—let me—”

I pressed the vibrator against her clit and didn’t move.

She shattered.

“Ahhh—fuuuck—!”

Her whole body jolted — back arched, wrists yanking in the cuffs, thighs clenching around nothing. Her mouth opened wide as she screamed, loud and shameless.

“FUCK—yes—yes—yesyesyes—!”

Her legs trembled, hips rolling, caught in a rhythm she couldn’t stop even if she wanted to. Her pussy twitched, pulsing wet around nothing as the orgasm wrecked her, fast and raw.

But I didn’t take the toy away.

“Ah—ahhh—fuck—wait—!”

She tried to twist her hips. I held her down.

The toy stayed right there — humming directly into her clit, soaked now, slick and swollen.

“No—Mylo—fuck—I—oh fuck, I just—!”

She was shaking. Hard.

She came again.

It ripped out of her like it wasn’t supposed to happen. A scream, broken in half. Her hands clenched into fists above her head, her toes curled, legs kicking against the bed.

“AHH! Ahhh—please—I can’t—I can’t—!”

“You can,” I said.

Her blindfold was wet. Her face flushed, mouth hanging open, drool at the corner of her lips.

The sound coming out of her now wasn’t even a voice — just gasps and cries, high and hitched and cracking under the pressure.

“Stop—stop—no—don’t—ahh—fuck—yes—no—”

Another orgasm hit before the last one finished.

Her entire body locked — then bucked. Her thighs slapped against my arm, then collapsed open again.

“AAHH! OH FUCK—OH FUCK—!”

Her words blurred. Her brain went soft. Her moans turned into something unhinged.

Wet sounds. Slapping skin. Vibrations soaking straight into her.

“No more—please—no more—Mylo—I’m—I’m—I’m—”

“Say it.”

She sobbed. Her chest heaved. Her head rolled.

“I’m yours—fucking—yours—please—don’t stop—just—fuck me—break me—”

Her legs trembled.

Her clit twitched under the toy.

Her body went still — then—

Another wave.

Louder. Harder.

Her scream broke in her throat and came out in a choked sob.

And I still didn’t stop.

She didn’t know what she was saying anymore.

Just noise.

High, fast, broken.

“Ahhh—nnn—ah—Mylo—please—no more—please I—ah—fuck—”

Her legs spasmed. Her hips twitched. Every time I moved the toy, even slightly, her whole body jerked like it was being shocked.

Her pussy clenched under it, dripping, glistening, soaked from her own mess. Every nerve in her was fried, screaming.

But I didn’t lift it.

She sobbed. Loud now. Mouth wide, blindfold soaked with sweat, wrists limp in the cuffs.

“P-please—Mylo—I can’t—I can’t—oh f-fuck—”

“You said don’t stop,” I murmured.

“I didn’t—I didn’t mean—ahhh—ahhh GOD—”

Her thighs fluttered open and closed like she didn’t know what to do with them. Her hips bucked up, then slammed back down, chasing it and running from it at the same time.

Then she came again.

No warning. Just a ragged scream and a full-body snap like her muscles had turned on her.

“FUCK! AHHH—AAAHHH—OHMYGOD—”

Her pussy pulsed hard, again, again, and she lost it — every bit of grace gone, hair stuck to her cheeks, tears down her face, spit on her chin.

I turned off the toy.

She gasped like she was drowning. Like her lungs had only just remembered how to work.

Her head lolled to the side. Her lips trembled.

“…t-thank you…”

I kissed her inner thigh, gently.

She twitched.

Then I reached up and slipped the blindfold off.

Her eyes blinked hard against the low light, glassy and dazed. She looked at me like she wasn’t sure I was real.

But she was still mine.

Still cuffed.

Still open.

Still shaking.

I leaned close, lips at her ear.

“You’re not done.”

“Please—please, I’ll do anything—just—Mylo—let me—”

I pressed the vibrator back to her clit and held it there.

She screamed.

Her body jerked so hard the headboard thudded behind her. Her legs snapped together, then kicked wide open again, as if her muscles couldn’t decide between running and begging for more.

“AHHH—ahhh f-fuck, I’m—I’m—!”

Her whole body seized. She didn’t moan. She sobbed. Wrists pulling against the cuffs like they might magically come loose if she thrashed hard enough.

Her pussy clenched , pulsing visibly, soaking wet, slick and twitching from the force of the orgasm tearing through her.

“FUCK! AHH—AAAHHH—!”

I didn’t move the toy. Didn’t ease off. I kept it right on her clit as it twitched under the pressure, not letting her calm down.

Her hips bucked again, sharper this time, and her breath broke off in a choked whimper.

“Nngh—no—no, I just came—I can’t—I c-can’t—!”

She tried to twist away. Her body shook. Her back arched and dropped, arch and drop, trying to shake me off without saying the words. Her voice cracked.

“Ahhh fuuuck—fuck, Mylo—please—fuck me, or stop, or—something—!”

“Not done,” I whispered. “You asked for this.”

She screamed again as another orgasm ripped through her. Her thighs clamped around my wrist. Her pussy contracted, hard and fast, and she thrashed through it like she’d gone feral.

“AHHH! OH GOD—OH FUCK!”

Tears smeared down both cheeks. Her lip trembled. Her chest rose and fell too fast, air wheezing in and out of her lungs. Her eyes stayed shut behind the blindfold, but everything in her face was naked.

Wrecked.

Ruined.

Perfect.

“Please,” she sobbed. “No more—I’m gonna—I'm gonna—ahhhh!”

Her whole body shivered violently. She came again. It broke her voice, broke her rhythm, broke something deep in her chest.

She was trembling beneath me.

Tears streaked her cheeks. Her lips were parted, slack with exhaustion, but her breath still came in short, rapid gasps. Her legs were twitching—uncontrolled, overstimulated, her pussy pulsing in the aftermath of a climax I hadn’t let her recover from.

Her hands were still cuffed. She didn’t move them. Didn’t even try.

She was wrecked.

And I was still hard.

Still hovering just above her thighs, stroking the vibrator once across her swollen clit as she sobbed and flinched away.

She gasped. “No—no more—please—”

I turned it off and set it down.

Then I kissed her stomach—soft, slow.

One hand reached for her wrists. I unbuckled the cuffs carefully, one at a time, easing her hands down from the headboard like they were fragile. Her arms collapsed onto the sheets.

No resistance.

Just shivers.

I trailed kisses down her chest. Her body twitched at every touch, every shift of pressure.

Then I slid one arm under her waist, the other across her hips.

“Roll over,” I whispered.

She didn’t move.

I waited.

Then, slowly, shakily, she turned.

On her stomach first. Then pushing up, dragging her knees under her, face still pressed to the sheets. She whimpered—too gone to talk.

I knelt behind her.

Ran my hands down her back, over her ass.

Her thighs were still wet, soaked with sweat and slick and everything I’d pulled out of her.

I grabbed her hips and pulled them up—arched her just enough.

“Just breathe,” I said, my voice low, steady.

Then I slid my cock against her—slow at first, just the tip, dragging through the wetness, pressing to her entrance.

She moaned into the mattress. One long, helpless sound.

And I pushed in.

Deep.

She gasped, loud—then choked out a broken moan as I bottomed out inside her.

“Fuuuck—Mylo—!”

Her pussy clenched down around me like it was trying to hold me there. Hot. Tight. Still trembling.

I pulled back slowly.

Then slammed into her.

Hard.

She cried out, arms shaking beneath her, face buried in the sheets.

Again.

And again.

Her moans turned into sobs. Loud, wet, desperate.

But she didn’t say stop.

She pushed her ass back into me every time I slammed in, even when her knees shook and her voice broke. Her whole body was a mess — red, sweating, twitching. Her pussy was drenched, gripping me every time I bottomed out inside her.

I grabbed her hips and used her.

Harder.

Deeper.

Faster.

“AHH—fuck—fucking—yes—!” she cried.

Her head dropped between her arms. Her back arched beautifully, hips bouncing back against me as if her body needed it more than her brain could process. The slap of skin on skin was obscene — wet, punishing, constant.

I reached up and grabbed a fistful of her hair. Pulled back.

She yelped — “Ahh!” — but her pussy clenched tighter around me.

“You’re not done,” I growled.

“N-no—fuck—I’m—ahhh—”

“You’re going to come again,” I said, snapping my hips forward hard enough to make her scream.

She choked out a sob, half-cry, half-moan. Her legs buckled. She collapsed onto her elbows and I didn’t stop. I followed her down, one hand sliding around to grab her throat, the other pinning her ass in place as I fucked her into the mattress.

Each thrust made the bed creak. The headboard hit the wall.

She was gasping.

Sobbing.

Moaning.

“F-fuck me—please—don’t stop—ahhh—oh God—Mylo—yes!”

Her face was pressed to the sheets. Her thighs shook. Her pussy was so tight, so wet, so overused that every movement felt like she was trying to squeeze the cum out of me.

I leaned in, mouth to her ear.

“Say you want it.”

“I—I want it—fuck—I want it so bad—please!”

I pulled all the way out.

She whimpered.

Then screamed when I slammed back in.

She lost it.

“AAAHH—oh fuck—fuck—fuck—I’m gonna—!”

Her pussy started to clench, flutter, lock down. Her body tensed like a live wire, and she screamed one last time—

“MYLO—AHHH—YES—YES—FUCK!”

She came again.

Loud.

Wrecked.

Ruined.

And I fucked her right through it.

She came like she couldn’t take it anymore.

Back arched. Body convulsing. Hands scrabbling at the sheets, mouth open in a soundless cry. Her pussy squeezed me in waves, milking my cock like it didn’t want to let go. She shook. Twitched. Shuddered. Utterly gone.

And I was still inside her.

Still throbbing.

Still right at the edge.

I pulled out, slow, savoring the heat sliding off me as her body clenched once more in aftershock.

“W-wait…” she whimpered, collapsing onto her side. Her voice was hoarse. Her thighs still trembled uncontrollably. Her lips were swollen. Her face glowed with sweat and sex.

I grabbed her by the hair—gently—and guided her onto her back.

“Look at me.”

She blinked up, eyes glassy, mascara smudged, cheeks damp. Her legs fell open again without thinking.

I stroked myself—tight, fast, leaking over her stomach.

Her gaze dropped.

Her mouth opened slowly.

Tongue out.

Like instinct.

Like invitation.

“Good girl,” I muttered, shifting forward to straddle her chest.

My cock hovered just above her lips, dripping.

She kept her tongue out. Didn’t blink. Didn’t move. Just waited.

I tapped the head against it once. She moaned. Just from that.

My hand moved faster. My thighs tensed. She whimpered again, eyes pleading even as she kept her mouth wide, ready to be used.

“You want it?” I growled.

She nodded.

“Say it.”

“I want it,” she whispered. “Cum in my mouth.”

That pushed me over.

I growled—deep and guttural—as the first thick spurt painted her tongue.

She moaned loud.

Another hit her bottom lip. Then her chin. Then more, hot and endless, ropes of cum splashing across her face while she kept her tongue out, greedy, shaking.

Her thighs rubbed together. She was getting wet again. From this.

“Don’t swallow,” I ordered.

She froze.

Mouth full.

Dripping.

Eyes wide.

Obedient.

I leaned in, grabbed her face lightly, thumb brushing her jaw as I watched her tremble with restraint.

“You’ll wait,” I said, cock still twitching. “And then I’ll tell you when.”

She lay beneath me with her mouth open and full.

Cum streaked her lips, her chin, her flushed cheeks — her tongue stretched out like she was starving, and I hadn’t fed her enough. Her hands twitched at her sides, the rest of her still limp from everything I’d already taken from her.

But she kept still.

Didn’t swallow.

Didn’t blink.

My hand was still curled lightly around her throat, just enough to feel the flutter of her pulse. I tilted her face toward the light — slow, deliberate — and looked at what I’d done.

Mess.

Ruin.

Perfect.

“Show me your tongue.”

She lifted it slightly.

A thick line stretched across the middle of it, hot and heavy. She was breathing through her nose now, trying not to choke, eyes wide and wet and waiting.

“Now swallow.”

She did.

Slow. Visibly.

Her throat moved, and her eyes fluttered shut for just a second — like the taste hit somewhere deeper.

When she opened them again, I kissed her.

Hard.

No hesitation. I crushed my mouth to hers, licking the taste of myself off her tongue. She moaned into it, hands lifting to grab weakly at my shoulders, pulling me closer, trying to climb into my skin.

Her legs wrapped around my waist again.

Desperate.

Still not done.

I broke the kiss. Moved my mouth to her ear.

“You liked that.”

She nodded fast. “Yes.”

“You want more?”

“Yes—please—”

I slid two fingers between her thighs and found her soaked again. No surprise. I pressed against her clit and she bucked into my hand like her body was starving.

“You’re still fucking needy,” I growled.

She moaned. “I can’t help it.”

“You don’t have to.”

I dragged the vibrator up from the sheets, switched it back on.

She gasped.

“No—wait—!”

I pressed it against her pussy and she twitched like she’d been shocked, hips jerking hard, a sharp, wild gasp escaping her lips.

“Fuck! Mylo—ahh—n-no, I just—just came—!”

“Too bad.”

I pushed it harder.

And her whole body shook.

She collapsed into me, body still twitching, hair damp, lips parted in stunned silence. Her breath stuttered out of her like she didn’t even remember how to inhale all the way.

I kissed her shoulder.

She flinched. Still sensitive. Still raw.

“Jesus,” she whispered. “I think I’m broken.”

Her arm curled over her face. Her thigh pressed against mine, slick with sweat. Her chest rose and fell fast, erratic.

“I’ve never—” she began, but stopped.

I didn’t need her to finish.

She was wrecked.

Completely.

And then—

Knock knock knock.

Three sharp taps on the door.

She bolted upright.

Eyes wide. Panic blooming instantly.

“Fuck—” she hissed. “No—fuck, that’s Karina.”

I sat up too fast, already looking for the closet, my shirt, anything—

But the door handle turned.

She spun to me, frantic. “Wait—hide—!”

Too late.

The door opened.

Light from the hallway spilled in — and Karina stepped inside. Hair in a loose bun. Hoodie. Phone in hand. She stopped cold.

Giselle stood in the middle of the room, naked except for the sheet clutched to her chest. Her skin still red, thighs visibly trembling. Lip gloss smeared. A trail of sweat at her temple.

Karina blinked once.

Then her eyes slid past Giselle — and landed on me.

Sitting half-covered at the edge of the bed.

Her expression didn’t change.

She didn’t raise her voice.

Didn’t gasp.

Didn’t smile.

She just looked at me for a long second.

Then back to Giselle.

“…Who is this?”

TO BE CONTINUED... PART 3

[theorist-fox]

Hesitate

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Crossposted on AO3.

Previous << || >> Next

Word count: 6k

Summary: Simon loses sight of you for far too long. In that time, he realizes he can't go a day without having you within reach. When you return, he tells you in the only way he knows.

18+

CW: smut (fingering, PinV), but with plot. Tiny angst, fluff. Protective and possessive Simon Riley. Mentions of stabbing and blood. Minor injuries.

Masterlist 🦊 | In The Walls Masterlist 🦊

“Quiet.”

He barges in. Because of course he does. There isn’t a piece of flooring in this godforsaken base that hasn’t been violently reclaimed by Ghost’s boots.

Not even in your goddamn room.

Thankfully, you have the reflexes of a trained operative and have moved out of the way in time, otherwise you'd be sporting a wonderful, purple knob in the middle of your forehead. And while there is a certain distaste surging in your chest – the kind that makes your lips pucker and your stomach knot –, you know there is very little you can do to move the mountain that is Ghost.

So, you close the door behind you with an exhausted sigh, as he ventures further into your room.

“Good eve-“

He swivels on his heel as soon as your mouth parts to speak. “Where the fuck ‘ave you been, uh?”

The balaclava on his face does absolutely nothing to hide the hatred sizzling in his eyes. Funny, because you’ve always thought that it was the whole point of the thing – to hide his face. You wonder, sometimes, if he knows just how expressive his eyes are. 

Does he know he tells so much more with those than he ever does with words? 

Nevertheless, yours are as telling as his own, as they bulge out of your sockets. The odd look you give him is comical, compared to the ire that's practically singeing his clothes.

“Uh,” you stutter. “Deployment?”

He narrows his eyes at you into tiny slits. So tiny you have to squint your eyes yourself to catch a glimpse of his irises.

“Alone?” He asks, clearly skeptical.

To match the distrust in his tone, you tilt your head toward his, brows furrowing in confusion. 

“…Yeah?” You reply, and the more you go on the more sarcastic you sound. “We do that, sometimes. Lone ops, recon. Y’know, we’re in the UKSF, in case you, uh – forgot.”

He hums gravelly. A sound that causes his body to straighten up as if the cogs have finally started whirring and working seamlessly once again.

“Don’t get smart, now.” He warns, freezing you with a look.

You pucker your lips and instinctively show him your palms, cheekily replying with an “I would never.”

Wrong move, unfortunately. 

You are your worst enemy. 

If this conversation goes downhill, you are the one to blame. Schedule a punishing whipping for yourself, later – you better fetch the goddamn cat o’ nine tails.

The movement causes the long sleeve of your loungewear to slip further down your forearm, pooling at your elbow, and exposing a large bruise. A galaxy of greens and mauves in the shape of five fingers and a large palm.

Ghost’s eyes zero on your arm with the rapidity of a hawk. Price has always said it, after all: he only knows one sniper who’s better than Ghost, and she’s a thousand klicks away now. You miss her – Farah would’ve been a lot nicer about this than him.

When his focus returns to you, he doesn’t even have to ask. As you’ve already stated time and time again, he conveys a lot more with his eyes.

And they are absolutely fuming. 

You suck in a sharp breath, nodding your head slowly while returning your sleeve where it’s supposed to be. Fucking traitorous piece of cotton that should stick around your wrist.

“Y’know,” you start, your chest all puffed because – well, you ain’t breathing right. Not with Ghost staring you down like you’ve gone and killed the King of England. “I had to sneak in, grab the USB key our contact set up for us, and then – bang, vanish. And I did it, yeah? I was brilliant at it.”

The smile on your face is as fake as the cheerful tone you’re using to dispense this information. It cracks as soon as you see the fabric of the balaclava shift on his jaw. 

He’s grinding his molars into dust.

“And?” 

You gesture vaguely. Shift your eyes to the ceiling. Tongue your cheek. Try to downplay it. “Well, ‘s nothing really.”

“Sergeant.” He barks. If he had hackles, they’d be dusting the ceiling. 

You sigh. 

God, how long have you been holding onto that breath? You’re positive it was the air you’ve inhaled, like, ten thousand years ago.

“Someone thought I was acting a bit dodgy and had me pinned to the floor.” You made grabby hands with a cheeky smile, “I have meaty forearms. Plenty to grip.”

Humor is usually the key to lessen the tension that would strangle your and his lungs. Normally, he’d let it go. He’d listlessly smack the back of your head or pinch the flesh of your biceps and call it a day.

Now, sarcasm seems like the last thing you should’ve resorted to. His posture is stiff and straight. The night lamp on your bedside table sheds light against his back, making him look like he's the wolf ready to pounce what it's going to be his dinner.

It makes your blood curdle.

“Yeah, okay.” You huff, digging your fingertips in the back of your neck to release some tension. “Nothing happened. I jabbed him in the throat before he could shout for help and shoved him under a desk. Got myself a proper blood shower.”

Ghost’s eye twitches.

And then he goes silent. 

Not the news of the year, of course. He’s always silent. You know he doesn’t get his callsign from that, but you can’t help but find his personality incredibly fitting with the military nickname.

However, this isn’t the usual Simon shut-up-and-sod-off Riley. He’s so still you wonder if he’s breathing. You have half a mind to wave your hand in front of his eyes to check if he’s gone catatonic.

You don’t, of course. Dogs bite.

You sneer, more in concern than anything, and gingerly take a step forward. Initially, your question comes out simply as a sideway tilt of your head paired with a puzzled look – a question mark would be floating above you, if physically possible.

But when that doesn’t seem enough to coax an answer out of him, you blurt out an “Oi.”

His eyes are jaded as they swivel to your face. Always with the heavy-lidded gaze that makes him look like he’d love to be anywhere but where he currently is. 

He seems… calmer. You're not sure whether it's a good or a bad thing. You prefer it when he's fuming because, as the saying goes, better the devil you know. 

“Off.” He states. 

Of course, he prefers syllables to full, clear sentences. Expressions you (or anyone else, really) don’t seem to catch, unfortunately. You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve told him that if he wants to have a conversation, he should start stringing words one after the other instead of settling for just one.

“What?” You deadpan. “Off with the bullshit? Off with my head? Words, L.T.” 

You don’t seem to have learned from your past mistake of using humor to sneak out of a predicament when Ghost appears to have all hell ready to unleash. 

He roughly points at your chest, “The shirt,” and then aims his finger to the floor. “Off.”

Look at you: dumbfounded. 

Sure, you two have fucked, occasionally – ever since he’d come to terms with the idea that he could do it without getting into trouble. It’s not like he gives two shits about someone finding out, he just doesn’t want to deal with commanding officers explaining to him why he shouldn’t stick it anywhere he finds fitting. God forbid someone puts him through one of those seminars about relationship policies and how they can disrupt the chain of command.

You splutter, “Wha – Excuse me?”

“Ya heard.” He reiterates. “The shirt. Off.”

You scoff. “You wanna fuck now?”

“Didn’t say tha’, did I?” He says flatly.

“Oh, sorry!” You snark. “Didn’t think there were other reasons why you’d want me to flash my tits.”

“Didn’t say tha’ either.” He deadpans and swipes his index finger in the air again. “Off with the shirt.”

You huff, pinching the bridge of your nose while, stubbornly, still wearing the t-shirt. 

“Not in the mood to have sex, honestly,” you explain, trying to stay calm in the face of the implications of the request. “I came back this morning, I’m beat. I need a cuppa and some sleep –“

He switches, then. “Take off that fucking shirt, sergeant.”

You bristle. Anyone would, at that tone.

Suddenly, you’re back to basic training in Pirbright with your wench of a drill instructor calling you a fucking idiot. 

Needless to say, you follow through with his order and rip the shirt off with more spite than cooperation. With a big frown on your face, you turn on your heel and start stomping angrily towards the bed.

“Make it quick.” You snap, getting on your knees on the edge of the mattress, ready to get pounded into oblivion. 

You’ll like it, eventually, even if you’re not really in the mood. 

Ghost fucks you good. It’s undeniable. 

You’ve soaked his sheets, his clothes, his mask – he’s that type of good. You won’t tell him though; his ego is already too big. If it grows more, HQ won’t be able to contain it and the whole base will blow up into smithereens.   

You’re saving lives, here, by keeping your mouth shut about it.

But he has other plans, it seems. 

“The fuck are you doin’.” 

It is not, in fact, a question. 

You look over your shoulder and find him still standing where you left him, a few paces back.

You quirk a brow, and shoot it back at him, “The fuck are you doing.”

“Why are you bendin’ over.” He states.

"To fuck?" You say, an unsaid obviously lingering in the air. 

Something shifts under his mask, as if he’s scowling. “Who said I wanted to fuck?” 

You splutter, yet again caught by surprise. “You made me get naked.”

He sighs, sounding exasperated, and approaches you, who is – by the way – still shamefully on all fours on the tiny bed of your quarters. 

Suddenly, all that spite sublimates under the heavy, hot weight of embarrassment. 

What are you doing, on your knees on the bed, half naked, if he doesn’t want to fuck?

In your defense, while the two of you often spent time chatting about everything and nothing, that happened in public places. Not once has he knocked on your door for a spot of tea and decent conversation.

Regardless, as soon as you manage to stand on your knees, you can feel him right behind you. Scorching fingers of shame crawl up to your neck. You feel your chest warm up, all the way to the apples of your cheeks. Awkwardly, you bring your arms up to cover your breasts. 

“Off,” he orders, again.

You swallow dryly, offering an insecure smile. “…With the pants?” 

He gives you a glacial look. Your blood freezes in your vessels. You think you might have turned cyanotic. 

“Fuckin’ hell – Off the bed.”

Obviously, your feet touch the ground with impeccable speed, because after that display, the least you can do is follow through with his orders before you make a fool of yourself twice in under a minute.

You feel his fingers curl around the top of your head, only allowing the pads to tangle through your hair and touch your scalp. It’s as if he doesn’t really want to touch you, but feels compelled to do so.

He flicks his wrist to give you a sense of the direction he wants you to turn to, and you do, waddling a little on your feet as you slowly twirl.

Your hands are tucked under your biceps, which are currently strangling your ribcage in an attempt to cover as much of your chest as you can with your forearms. 

When you’re finally facing him again, you look up at him through your lashes. His eyes, however, are not on your tits as you expect. He’s not even ogling, to be honest – which would be a blow to your ego, if the situation weren’t so… odd. 

Your brows are pinched. Your mouth parts only so you can suck in some air and then worry your lip between your teeth. 

This is much too intimate than what you’re used to. 

You realize, as he studies your body, with that weirdly placed hand on your head, that Ghost has never… seen it. 

Or – well, he’s seen it all right, but he’s never looked at it. Your encounters are usually very quick and to the point.

He fucks you. 

You come – once or twice. Thrice, if he’s feeling particularly generous.

He comes. 

Get yourself a glass o’ water and jog on. ‘M knackered.

Yeah, okay. G’night, prick.

Right back at ya.

That’s it.

Sometimes, you don’t even take off each other’s clothes. Sometimes, he doesn’t even turn on the lights. 

Now, his gaze is heavy as he looks at the dip of your waist, then at the fuzz below your belly button and where it leads, until the hem of your slouchy sweatpants that have seen better days. It’s like having lasers pointed at every nook and cranny of you, leaving scorching lines along your profile. 

He taps his finger on your forearm, the one without the bruise – a silent request to take your arms off your chest. Your hands are shaking as you comply, but you’re too preoccupied with him to notice. 

Ghost seems utterly uninterested at the sight of your tits bouncing down in response to gravity, instead setting his focus on the edges of your ribcage.

He flicks his wrist again, and you slowly turn the other way, giving him your back.

You feel his fingers twitch against your scalp, before a cold fingertip brushes against your right side.

"Here." He states, barely tracing the lines of your ribs. 

It's been so long since he's last spoken that you feel goosebumps rise along your neck. God, his voice will never not make your insides churn.

Regardless, you spread your elbows out, lifting your right arm so you can look at where he's pointing. You can't see much, but you definitely feel how the slight movement of your shoulder causes your right side to ache as if the skin were ready to burst at the seams.

“Ow.” 

You frown and curiously try again to take a peek at the cause of the pain. After some squirming, you spot the darkening patch of flesh, speckled with purples and yellows.

“Mh,” you muse. “Didn’t know that was there.”

The hand on your head finally abandons it, allowing the muscles on your neck to relax. 

You continue, somewhat feeling the need to explain why there is yet another bruise. “When that man saw me, he knocked me onto the floor. Must’ve hit it harder than I thought.”

He hums noncommittally. You could’ve told him the most absurd tale, and he wouldn’t have batted an eye, much too focused on the expanse of your back. 

You shrug, then. “’S alright. It’ll pass. It’s just a bruise.”

It’s then that he meets your eyes. 

There’s always a sort of veil over his, whenever the air around you both thickens. You wish you had scissors to rip it, sometimes. Or walk to the curtain and take a peek inside. 

“What is this?” You gesture at the two of you, looking back at him over your shoulder. “What are you doing?”

He deflects your questions with the same reflexes he uses to dodge bullets, answering instead with a question of his own. “You went to medical?”

Your lips twitch and you have to school your face into more muted frustration. 

Your response is a little petty, but you can’t help but give it to him. “No, just a couple of bumps, nothing that needs a trip to the doctor."

He is a looming shadow behind you, encompassing you with dark tendrils that threaten to swallow you whole. He sucks the warmth of the room with the ice embedded in his eyes – it forces you to look away, finding comfort in your own hands cupping your biceps.

You don’t even manage to reach for your t-shirt again, feeling the need to cover yourself up, that he curls an uncharacteristically gentle hand around your jaw. 

You stiffen. 

He seizes that moment to turn your head, his other fingers already hooked at the hem of his balaclava around the neck. He slides it up and off naturally.

There’s always some sort of solemnity when his face comes into view. 

Each groove and bump tell a story of their own, not a single one coming from the same tale, nor the same blade. 

He has crow's feet, but he rarely smiles – if ever. There are lines originating from the sides of his nose tipping at each corner of his mouth. They should symbolize happiness carved, but you fear it’s the opposite. 

Thick, convoluted scars paint him like rough brush strokes given by an angry hand – bristles of steel, paint of blood. 

Teeth peek out from a particularly gruesome injury that has torn the flesh off his upper lip. He constantly looks like he’s scowling at you, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d probably think he was. Would fit the character, and all.

Truth is, Simon rarely cares enough to scowl at anyone. You can either get a cold side glance or a disinterested one – if it’s the former, then you might be in his good graces. 

Right now, though, you don’t think he’s giving you either. His eyes are murky; a mud of anger, annoyance, and disappointment. He looks like he hates you with all his might, staring at you as if he could, by sheer force of thought, scoop out the eyes from your sockets.

“You wanna kill me?” You mumble, finding it hard to speak as he holds your jaw between his fingers. “Get in line, mate. There are at least a bunch a’ Russian men and their mothers before you, ever since I shanked their colleague.”

Then, his eyes leave yours to glance at your lips. He must think you haven’t noticed, because he doesn’t bother to hide it. However – and you’ve always found this incredibly interesting – Ghost tends to forget when he’s wearing the mask and when he isn’t. 

Each time, it’s like watching a child learning how to rein it in. Or, you know, like that sibling you have to surreptitiously elbow under the table at Christmas dinner when your pissed uncle is going off a tangent regarding the most idiotic, misplaced subject ever known to man.

That’s Ghost right now. 

The sibling elbowing him? Simon.

He blinks out of his headspace and then frowns, returning his eyes to yours.

“Don’t need to.” He grunts. “You’re doin’ a fine job by yourself.”

You scoff. “It’s just a bruise.”

His jaw ticks. 

“Yeah, but it’s on you.”

It’s said low and bitter, as if he’s had to fight tooth and nail to yank it out of his chest. 

You, on the other hand, are stock still in place – not only because of his hand holding you firmly by the jaw, forcing you to look over your shoulder to where he stands, but also because what was that?

You swallow but it's futile because your tongue is stuck to your palate. The air surrounding you crackles. The oxygen is lacking, and your lungs are suffering from it. 

You blink. That’s all it takes, and he lands his mouth on you.

Ghost’s kisses are always rough, determined to take your breath away and leave you wondering if you’ll ever say any other name but his own. This one is not much different, but you have to recognize that it is somewhat angrier. 

His lips part as if he could swallow you whole, working his tongue against yours and hindering your movements with his fingers holding your face, and a hand over your belly.

You can work with this. This, you know how to behave around. This is charted territory – the hunger, the stress, the need to decompress and find solace in the oasis you offer so generously between your legs.

You know the dance, and so you press your bum against his groin. You weren’t in the mood, like – ten minutes ago. You were a different person back then. 

If Ghost now wants to split you in half, you’d hand him the butcher knife.

You’re already turning feverish, lifting your right arm to tangle with his hair, ready to grab and pull and bite and – 

He stops you.  Palm to your knuckles, guiding it down once more. He doesn’t hold your hand, instead removing his own as though your skin were burning coal. 

Not as carefully, though, he snakes under your sweatpants and unceremoniously dips his middle finger inside your cunt.

“Fuck,” you hiss. 

You weren’t that wet, and while you're not one to say no to a bit of pain, this has caught you so off guard that you decide to chastise him by nipping at his lower lip. 

It’s not much of a punishment, you guess, because his hips jerk to rub himself against you. 

You wish to move and take this to the bed, where you can lie down and be his pillow princess. Let him fuck you until his heart's content, because you're tired and you'd love to get used for his pleasure and yours.

But he’s an unmoving statue, boots glued to the floor and hand shackled to your pussy, dipping in relentlessly until your knees buckle under the sheer pressure of his finger buried to the knuckle. 

When your hips start undulating to increase the friction – specifically of his palm against your neglected bundle of nerves where your pussy tips – he inserts a second finger, and you positively melt against his chest. It’s then that he releases your lips, allowing you to moan under your breath. 

He starts sucking blindly at whatever piece of skin he can find, leaving love bites on the length of your shoulders all the way to your neck. Teeth and tongue and words that escape his lips, while he curls his fingers inside you, drowning your thoughts in frayed growls from his mouth, and raunchy squelches from between your legs. His offhand gets busy and starts toying and pulling at your nipples. 

You're being absolutely ravaged; his nails are talons and he wants to rip you apart and eat you inside out after he's prepped you alright. It's juxtaposing - the pleasure, and the crudeness. It's new, but not unwelcome.

“You should’ve told me.” He grunts. You don’t pay it much mind, he usually murmurs a lot during sex, and less than half of the time you catch what he says – the other times, you’re already too stupid to use your senses.

“Should’ve.”

He snaps his finger upward, burying them to the knuckle.

“Told me."

Then rolls his palm against your clit.

"You were being posted." 

Finally, he curls his fingers inside, making your legs quiver.

You whimper and your eyes roll back. Is this your punishment? Hell fucking yes, then. You’ll keep your secrets more often. 

But alas, you do feel compelled to at least explain and apologize.

“M’sorry,” you breathe, “It was a last-minute thing. Got called the day before.”

Surely, he’ll understand. That’s how deployments work: they give you a timeframe, and you might or might not get the dreaded call. If you do, then you’re off – one day you’re lounging at the beach, the next you’re buried in gore.

No in-between. 

You don't want to distract him though. You're so close. If he just – moved a little, maybe? Or allowed you to rest your legs somewhere. 

You shift imperceptibly so that you can rub your clit at your preferred pace against his palm. The callouses on the heel of his hand make it somehow even better.

He allows you, meaning that even if you’ve kept the deployment from him, he’s feeling magnanimous.

You roll your head against his shoulder to nuzzle his neck, the tip of your nose tucked behind his lobe. You pant as he fucks you with his fingers, and murmur sweet things about how good he is to you, because he’s being kind and for that he deserves a generous stroke to his ego. You leave open kisses on his neck, his jaw, lapping the sweat off his skin with your tongue – to try and give back some of the pleasure he’s offering you.

When you come, it is with a loud groan muffled in his neck, and he holds you by the waist before you keel over. The orgasm almost stings, since he’s ripped it out of you so quickly and forcefully. It tingles from the tips of your toes, curling against the linoleum, all the way to the knot that finally snaps in your gut. 

Only then, when your vision clears and your skin still prickles in goosebumps, do you hear him through the ringing of your ears.

“You don’t understand.” He’s saying, like a prayer repeated gruffly to the skin of your neck. 

He doesn’t say it once, he doesn’t say it twice. He repeats it with fervor, and the more it escapes his mouth, the angrier it gets.

You feel the back of your knee being pushed by his own, and you stumble forward on the mattress. You’re confused, still descending from the high of your orgasm, feeling your limbs move under his command and notyours. Trying to find sense in his words. 

You don’t understand.

Your ears are cottoned – the orgasm has been that blissful – but you still catch the sound of a zipper being pulled down. Your front is plastered against the mattress, cheek buried in linen of freshly washed sheets. 

You don’t have the strength to stand, nor to look behind, so you can solely rely on your hearing, on your touch.

Shallow breaths. 

Shuffle of fabric – he’s taking off his shirt. 

His hand skims over your back, purposefully avoiding the bruise on your side. 

A finger pulls down the sweatpants to your ankles – the air feels cold against your skin, flushed and burning. 

Wet fingertips trail down your legs with uncommon reverence, until they reach down and yank the pants off your feet.

The denim of his jeans shifts. A thud – he’s on his knees.

He forces your leg to bend and kisses your ankle. Then the arch of your foot. Your toes, and it makes your cunt flutter around nothing. The actions are paired with a wet, rhythmic sound – he’s touching himself the way you’d touch him. 

He has fingered you with such voracity you thought you’d rip in half on his hand, and now he’s on his knees, kissing your feet. He’s switching rapidly – angry, then devoted. 

The former you know, but the latter is different. It’s new. 

You feel the mattress dip and protest under the additional weight, each of his thighs on either side of yours, keeping your legs flush together. 

A hand appears in your vision, gripping the sheets. 

You kiss the knuckle on his thumb, and he flicks it gently over your nose. 

His chest exudes warmth even if he isn’t properly touching your back. He simply hovers above it, putting his weight on his palm, while his other hand is busy stroking his cock.

You're wet and prepped just how he likes, in fact he slides in easily. 

You already came, which means you're hypersensitive – it feels like he's inserting something long and scorching hot inside. Your breath hitches in your throat at the intrusion, and he dips his forehead to your shoulder, leaving an apologetic kiss.

He fucks you slow and deep, dragging backward without ever pulling out. He wants to stay sheathed inside. He wants to bury himself in there, with your velvet walls squeezing him dry. You won’t complain. You’ll keep him snug until he’s sated. Until you are, too.  

This dance you know as well, and so you fold your arms behind you, bending your elbows so that he can grip both your forearms with one hand and use them as leverage to rail you until you’re only babbling nonsense.

But he… doesn’t?

He still fucks you, sure, but his hand doesn’t reach for your arms, preferring the sheets instead, and it makes you feel a little neglected, wondering if you're doing something wrong. Sure – you just came, he’s treated you to your nice little post-operation orgasm, and then proceeded to fuck you. So, he must still be into this – into you. 

Right? 

You thought this could’ve been a nice way to reciprocate, since you know how much he likes to get you to bend as he pleases.

A thank you of sorts. 

You reach up with your fingers, tickling his abdomen to make him notice that you’ve prepared yourself for him, arms knotted behind your back like a bow on a present – just in case he’s missed it, you know?

But he reaches down only to guide your arms back to the bed, distending them ahead. He goes to hold one hand but stops, instead digging his palm back into the mattress.

Just when you’re about to protest, lifting your head from the bed, he drags his tongue around the shell of your ear. 

You shudder. 

"I- I'm not good at this." He grunts as he fucks you slowly, dragging breathy moans out of your lips. "So jus’ listen for once in your goddamn life.”

It’s then that his pace picks up, punching a ragged groan out of your lips at the first abrupt thrust. 

He’s either doing it to shut you up, or to make you focus on something else while he speaks. So, maybe, if you’re busy molding your pussy around his cock and rolling your eyes to the back of your head, you won’t hear what he’s saying.

“Lieut –“

“Simon.” He chides loudly. “Fuck – Told you it’s Simon, ‘ere.”

You grip the sheets as your head bobs to the pace he takes. Your breathing is more akin to a wheeze, and your belly flutters each time he hits you just right.

“Simon,” you whimper.

“Yeah,” he croons. “Simon. Good.”

Simon is as breathless as you are, but much more contained.

“Need to know where you are,” he murmurs under his breath. “You got no idea wha’ I –“

He releases a shuddering breath that tickles your ear. 

You’re keening and shivering, trying to focus on his words but it seems like he’s trying his best to prevent you from listening, even if he’s the one who’s asked you to.

There’s something rabid in his motions. He bullies his cock as deep as it can reach, his hips brutally slap against your ass. You can feel the fat recoiling, the vibration tipping at the base of your skull. He’s feral and yet it’s so different.

He groans, but it's frustrated more than satisfied. 

“You got no fuckin’ idea, do ya?” He mutters the sentence like a curse. “No fuckin’ idea. You – “

You reach for his hand with your own, but he swats it away. 

You try again and he nibbles at your ear.

“Don’t." He warns lowly, stilling his motions until he’s hilted all the way inside. 

You suck in a breath as he shoves himself until there’s not an inch of space for him to move.

He’s ramrod stiff above you, struggling to keep his chest off your back – denying you of his skin. Of intimacy. Of contact. 

You twist your head that much to look at his face and find him staring blankly ahead. 

To say it worries you would be an understatement, especially if paired with the puzzling behavior he’s had all evening. 

You follow the trajectory of his gaze with your eyes and heartbreakingly discover that he's burning holes in your bruised flesh – the hand of that now-dead man still darkly imprinted on your skin. 

Skin still untouched by him.

You feel yourself falter. “Si-“

“You’re hurt.” he croaks. “I’ll hurt you more.”

You don’t know what staggers you the most: his cock up your cervix making you dizzy, or the hesitance in his voice. 

Hesitance.

Simon doesn’t hesitate. He’s not tentative. 

He takes.

If he can’t take, he delegates, and whatever he needs eventually will fall into his hand. 

You fell into his hand without too much of a fuss. He gave you the impression that you were the one demanding and obtaining, but the truth obviously lies elsewhere. 

Simon wanted you, too. He wants you, too.

He gave you the chance to sneak into his office and request an immediate closure to the cat-and-mouse chase. He delegated it to you.

And then he took.

Hesitance, clearly, isn’t in his daily vocabulary. 

This dance, you don’t know. You’re out of your zone. You don’t know which steps to take without tripping over his toes and disrupting the music. 

He’s unmoving inside of you, catching his breath with his lips on your ear.

“Can’t hurt you.” He breathes, and you have to focus to even catch it. 

“You won’t,” you whisper, trying a first step. “I’ll tell you if – “

And it’s the wrong one.

He starts again, pulling out and fiercely slamming back in. Your breathing snaps, palm coming down to slap against the mattress, “Fuck!”

It would feel oh, so good, if you were in the right headspace. 

He won’t allow you to talk. He’s begging you, in his contorted ways, to let him speak without judgment. Without the fear of knowing he has dropped the mask too low. 

This is his time. 

You should’ve shut your mouth, for once, and allowed him to speak. Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

He asked for one thing. 

Jus’ listen for once in your goddamn life.

You purse your lips in a line and nudge your head against his own, a silent way to prompt him to go on.

I’m sorry. I’m listening.

“You got no idea.” He repeats again, but this time his voice cracks – overwhelmed.

He starts his voracious pace that always steals your breath and fucks your brain into a mush.

“I’ve looked for ya, asked ‘round – no one fucking knew. Got told you were off on deployment, and that’s it.” 

Each word is as accusatory and irate as the cock he’s drilling inside of you. 

“You weren’t comin’ back. One. Two. Three weeks. No fuckin’ sign of ya.” He thrusts in for each week you’ve gone missing, “I was – “

He stops. Inhales sharply. Hesitates, once again.

“Don’t wanna feel tha’ again – don’t put me through that again.”

Suddenly, you can feel everything at once. 

Your body perks up. 

Vision, hearing, touch, taste, smell – all filled of him.

And it’s not about sex anymore. 

It never has been, but how obvious it is now.

You want to hold his hand, but you decide to leave him space. 

The hand-shaped bruise on your arm glares at him like a promise he silently made with himself and failed to keep. You won’t make him feel like he broke a thing, because he hasn’t.

If anything, you’ve never felt more whole in your life.

You and Simon have never gone further than physical. You don't know how to soothe a heart so afraid if it belongs to him. So, you do the only thing you’ve learned that manages to get through to him.

You keen and moan and breathe, allowing tiny praises and sinful curses to leave your lips. 

Like that – yeah. Shit.

Yes, yes, yes. 

Deeper. Please.

His name – not his callsign, not his rank.

Simon, you croon. Simon, Simon, Simon. 

You feel the pressure of his come spurting out, flooding your walls like a dam has broken and crushed. His mouth on your ear won’t allow a single sound to pass, but he’s clearly overly affected – you know, by the way his breath comes. As if he’s clinging to life and has found purchase for survival right on your skin.

You want to kiss him, but you leave the choice up to him. You won’t squirm under the press of his forehead against your temple, but your lips are there for him to taste – moist and plump and ready.

Simon’s lashes flutter against your cheekbone as he regains his bearings. Looks at you. His eyes hint at regret – it’s a fraction of a second that has your stomach knot. But then he squashes it down, when he realizes that you saw nothing wrong in his words.

He kisses your cheek, and then your lips. Thankfulness seeps through.

"Don't hide from me again," he murmurs and gingerly hooks his thumb around your pinky. Not touching you yet, not so close to where you’re already aching.

You curl your finger around his own. “I won’t.”

[resident-rats]

God proof reading stuff is so stressful lol, BUT I’m hoping it’ll be ready to post by the end of the week?????

[bvidzsoo]

So it's always been you

᠀𓏲Cherry Blossom, March Event᠀𓏲

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: model!Jung Wooyoung x stylist!reader

᠀𓏲 Warning: cursing, mentions of a sex toy ᠀𓏲 Word count: 6k ᠀𓏲 Rating: nc-17 ᠀𓏲 Genre: fluff, soulmates: whenever you lose an item, it ends up in your soulmates' possession somehow, fashion week au, model x stylist romance, best friends to lovers, humour ᠀𓏲 Summary: Both young and restless, Wooyoung and you have started out your careers around the same time. As newbies in the industry, you quickly found yourselves sticking together and growing closer with each passing day. Now, many years down the line, everyone knows that you and Wooyoung are inseparable besties, who have each other's backs and will crack up at the stupidest of jokes. As his stylist, it's also convenient that whatever Wooyoung loses just magically turns up in your possession since he's known for losing his stuff often. It takes you quite the years to figure it out, but when you do eventually, everything just clicks in place, all of it making sense.

A/N: Ooh, and Wooyoung's part is here! Hello, my lovelies, I hope you are enjoying our event so far, the rest of the stories are just as exciting as the previous ones hehe. This one here is a little bit sillier and all the cuter, imo. Also, what were the chances of Wooyoung attending another fashion week right as I was supposed to write this drabble? Anyways, thank you Wooyoung for gracing us with your hotness, totally appreciate it hahaha. Thank you for your support so far and for all the feedback you've left! I love hearing your thoughts, so don't be shy and share them with me. I hope you enjoy this one! ^^ divider @cromernet

᠀𓏲 Join the taglist here! ᠀𓏲

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@mizushimakumiko

            The camera flash blinded you for a second as you squinted your eyes, trying to figure out just what was missing from the look. From a distance, everything looked perfect, but upon a closer look, you could tell something needed to be added to tie the whole outfit together. The flash went off again, and you bit your bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed, as your eyes moved from your best friend onto the screen you were standing in front of.

“Alright, now tilt your pelvis forward and lean slightly back!” The photographer instructed as your eyes traced your best friend’s sharp features. He was a handsome man, unique-looking with features that few other models could claim. His sharp jawline and gorgeous nose would catch anyone’s eyes when flipping through a magazine, and the uneven form of his eyes made you stare at the man. His tan skin-complex was gorgeous under the sunlight, and you often found people staring at him—yourself included. You enjoyed looking at beautiful things, and as his best friend and stylist, you were supposed to admire Jung Wooyoung in order to create the perfect look for whatever occasion he needed you for professionally, “Oh! Raise your leg. Yes, that looks amazing!”

You smiled a little to yourself, eyes drawn to the pictures as the flash went off again and again, capturing Wooyoung’s sharp but ethereal beauty. He wore black clothes today, the scaly silver vest standing out nicely against the rest of the clothes. But the longer you looked at the picture, the more you started realizing that Wooyoung forgot to wear a piece…again. He was an airhead on the worst of days, forgetting his stuff in his room—or worse, in a spot where you’d never find it again—or he’d downright lose his things. Luckily, his best friend, you, were always there to find whatever he had lost previously. You felt like your mother sometimes, reaching inside Wooyoung’s closet just to find the item he was complaining about not being there…being exactly there. It’s like your hands yielded magic like none other, like magnets to anything that was owned by Jung Wooyoung. You sighed as you shook your head, and your assistant raised her eyebrows.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, tone tinged with slight concern, “Do you not like the lighting? Are the angles bad? Should I tell the photographer we’re done for today?! I mean, I know he’s a newbie, but he’s really—”

“Relax,” You chuckled, grabbing her shoulder to squeeze it, “Everything’s fine. Wooyoung just forgot to put on his necklace. I’ll be right back.”

Your assistant visibly relaxed, and you watched her reach for her iced coffee, her hand slightly shaking as she raised the cup to her mouth. One would think she was Wooyoung’s manager by how much she fussed over the man, ordering the staff around if something seemed off to make sure Wooyoung had everything he needed. You left the room, walking down the hallway towards the dressing cabin, glancing at your wristwatch. It was getting late, and you were hungry. You still had to pack a bit, and your flight was in just two days. Wooyoung, much to the both of your joy, had been invited to the Paris Fashion Week. It’s been a longtime dream of his, and due to his perseverance and determination, he was finally living out his dream. And through him, by being by his side, you were also thriving like never before.

Wooyoung and you had met a good six years ago, when you were both too young and too dumb to realise what it meant working in the fashion industry. Wooyoung was just starting his modelling career, and you had been assigned your first big and important job as a stylist. Until then, you had been shadowing a well-known designer, sticking to his side to learn absolutely everything. Wooyoung, on the other hand, had no one to rely on. He came from a relatively modest family, and his parents hadn’t been the happiest when Wooyoung had told them about his career choice, but they didn’t stop him from following through with his wishes. It was a good thing, you knew how much it meant to have your parents’ support in anything you did. Your mother worked as a fashion article editor at one of the more well-known magazines, so to break in, you didn’t have to do as much hard work as Wooyoung did. And yet, the day you two had met, you both had felt like little unassuming kids, clinging onto each other for a little reassurance that you were doing well and not possibly about to ruin your careers before they could even start. After that first job of your lives, Wooyoung asked whether you wanted to get chicken wings with him, and, well, you’ve been having chicken wings with him after shoots ever since.

You smiled slightly at the memory, knowing well that Wooyoung would drag you to the nearest place that sold chicken wings and Soju, eager to end the day with a little alcohol in his system. He wasn’t a big drinker, but celebrating your success after a long day was always a must in Wooyoung’s book. First, you looked around the dressing room, thinking where the necklace could be lying, deciding to sift through all the discarded makeup on the tables. It wouldn’t be the first time that your jewellery got mixed up with the beauty items, but a quick sweep over the table proved that it wasn’t there. Next, you looked all over the sofas, coffee tables, and even inside Wooyoung’s duffel bag, only to come up empty-handed. Then, deciding that maybe it really was you who hadn’t handed Wooyoung the necklace, you went to your jewellery box and opened it, your eyebrows furrowed. You looked through it, making sure the fragile necklaces were safely in their protective cases—or else the brands you had rented them from would kill you and tarnish your name for an eternity—and still, it wasn’t there. You groaned as you stood up straight, trying to think harder, mentally rewinding your day to see whether you had left it at your office. Coming up empty-handed, you sighed in defeat and crossed your arms over your torso, pursing your lips as you turned to leave. Taking three steps away from your stuff, your eyes caught the unmistakable glint of diamonds peeking out from right underneath the grey blanket Wooyoung had used to cover himself with before walking to the shoot.

You scoffed and shook your head in mild annoyance, stomping over to the beanbag before you ripped the blanket off, the necklace glinting almost mockingly at you. You pursed your lips and carefully took it, holding it gingerly as you hurried back to the shooting room, just in time as the photographer called for a quick water break. He walked over to his computer with his professional camera, smiling at your assistant and then turning his head to the visual director to discuss more set ideas and poses that enunciated the clothes Wooyoung wore. Your eyes narrowed at your best friend as you stepped over all the wires, stepping out of your heels to not dirty the white canvas he stood on. He raised an eyebrow in amusement, opening his mouth to probably mock you for losing from your height quite significantly, but instead pointed at the necklace in your hands as a squeak left his mouth.

“Where’d you find that?!” He asked amazed, approaching you with excitement, “I’ve lost that this morning when Claire called me over for makeup.”

“Of course,” You scoffed as you muttered under your breath, narrowing your eyes at Wooyoung, “How many times have I told you that you can’t lose designer stuff when it’s rented, Wooyoung?! Do you think I have the money to pay for a necklace filled with diamonds if something happens to it?!”

The cheeky smirk already told you that you wouldn’t like his answer, “No, but I can certainly afford it.”

You groaned and slapped his arm not so gently, making Wooyoung whine before he started pouting, “Stop that; you’re acting like a spoiled brat in front of everyone. Now, lean forward for me, please.”

Wooyoung grinned and parted his legs slightly, leaning forward so that his face was positioned exactly in front of yours. He giggled and then stuck his tongue out when you two made eye contact, making you glare at him playfully before you reached forward, wrapping the diamond necklace around his warm neck. The design was special and intricate, and you loved the way it sat against Wooyoung’s skin. It sat tightly at the base of his neck, almost like a choker, the little diamonds glinting even brighter under the studio lights, and that wasn’t even what made it so special. You had to clasp the necklace together at the front of your neck because of the dangling chain that reached a little above Wooyoung’s belly button. It was exactly what Wooyoung’s outfit needed to make him look like the star he was, shining brightly under the white camera lights. Wooyoung’s eyes creased as he smiled at you sweetly, patting your head gently as a means of thanks.

“Now it’s perfect.” You muttered as you adjusted his collar once more, smoothing down the already smooth vest against his shoulders, but you just had to double-check everything. Wooyoung’s chest was exposed due to the very low V-neckline of the black sleeveless blouse he wore, tucked inside pants that flared around his legs and made his limbs seem longer. The chunky high heels he wore added to the charm, of course, but even without them, the pantlegs made Wooyoung’s legs seem like they stretched on for far longer as they pooled around his ankles. You had avoided using a belt since the emphasis was on the shiny scaled vest, heavy in your hands as you had helped Wooyoung into it. And now, with the diamond necklace around his neck, he looked like the model that was supposed to be on the cover of Vogue—which he would be with this issue. His long hair was whisked out of his face, and a few stray strands fell into his eyes, curling around his nape, with strands pinned behind his ears.

“Am I all ready to conquer the fashion world, Miss?” Wooyoung quirked an eyebrow as he stood up straight, looming over you and making you feel weird. You blamed those damn high heels and the fact that you had to be barefoot right now.

“Of course, you are, Mr. Jung.” You grinned and patted his chest, “You’re already a star.”

“The brightest, hopefully,” Wooyoung added, slightly quieter, and you hummed, offering him a small smile.

“To me, definitely.” He chuckled at your quiet reply, but you could see it on his face that it gave him the reassurance and little confident boost that he just so needed right now. You heard a clap behind you, and you knew it was your cue to leave Wooyoung alone, so you winked at him and then turned around, walking to your heels to step into them, then joined your assistant behind the scenes. The photographer grinned at Wooyoung as a stool was brought in, the background changing to a grey as a spotlight was focused on Wooyoung.

“Oh, this is really pretty.” The man muttered to himself, but you, being closer to him, heard it, “This is amazing, Wooyoung! Just do whatever feels good right now, grab your necklace, throw your head back, run your fingers through your hair, give me your most fierce glare—anything will do right now!”

“He’s so enthusiastic.” Wooyoung’s makeup artist chimed up behind you with a chuckle, back from his lunch break.

“I would be, too, if I got the chance to work with the Jung Wooyoung.” There was a slightly dreamy tone to your assistant’s voice, and you chuckled, giving her a questioning look.

“You do work with the Jung Wooyoung, though.” Your assistant flushed as she lowered her head, averting her eyes when the makeup artist started laughing a little too loudly. You elbowed him in the stomach, giving him a look that told him to shut up.

“Right,” The assistant muttered, pouting slightly, “He’s just so beautiful, it’s hard not to fall for him—not that I’m in love with him! It’s just—it’s good working with him; he’s a good person.”

“He really is,” You agreed as you watched your best friend do what he knew best, staring into the lens of the camera like a lion, fearless and ready to conquer, “Except when he’s yapping your ears off after a long day. Then, he’s the devil.”

Your co-workers chuckled at your playful jab, but they didn’t know it as well as you what it meant to ride back home in the same car with Jung Wooyoung after a very long and very tiring day, while all you wish for is to relax and be surrounded by silence, only for Wooyoung to either tell you random things he’s suddenly remembered, or ask the driver to turn up the music to scream the lyrics at the top of his lungs. And his voice wasn’t good, that’s why he was a model and not an idol.

            Being Wooyoung’s best friend has changed you over the years. While growing up, you were never too outspoken, too scared of hurting others. You didn’t like being in the limelight and also tried to suck up to your superiors, thinking that would get you on their good side, making you a booked and busy stylist. That wasn’t the case, however, and if there was one essential thing you learned from Wooyoung, it was the fact that you shouldn’t stay silent if faced with mistreatment, you shouldn’t let anyone walk all over you or make you feel like shit for something you thought looked gorgeous. Being on Wooyoung’s side, working alongside him in a toxic industry that required you to have steel balls, is just who you became—an outspoken and honest person, unafraid to point out injustice or bullying. But by being Wooyoung’s best friend, you have also learned to laugh more, to cry without feeling embarrassed or weak, and the most important thing that he’s taught you…was to never let him go past five shots of Soju unless you wanted to stay up all night as Wooyoung sobbed with his head resting on the toilet seat, promising to never again drink alcohol. A week later, he was found dancing on top of tables with two cocktails in his hands. But these were the old times, times when you could act however you wanted, a bit more carefree and less stressed.

You couldn’t tell how it happened or when it started, but being by Wooyoung’s side just felt right. You didn’t feel the need to act a certain way in his presence; you could snort like a pig and wheeze like a witch, and no judgment would cross his features. You could also bare your heart to him, bleeding and aching, and he wouldn’t try to use your insecurities against you in the future. No, he’d make sure they were locked away from the rest of the world, even if he was mad at you. Wooyoung was a good person, and you were thankful you had met him. In a world where finding your soulmate was no easy feat, for some reason, you didn’t feel like you had to actively search for them. At times, you wondered if they were even real—the legend of your lost things wounding up in your soulmate’s possession—but then again, you were sure it was real because it happened to your parents, your aunts and uncles, and even your grandparents. It felt a bit silly and slightly concerning when you thought of all the things you managed to lose over the years, and yet, in some magical way, your possessions always turned back up in your hands. That is why you weren’t so sure of the prophecy anymore, of the invisible red string—or just a really smelly sock—that tied you to your fated lover.

You sighed as you swiped past three pictures of models clad in designer clothes, not quite pleased with the outfits. The light jazz music in the background was calming as your left leg bounced up and down, wine glass in the hand that didn’t hold the iPad. You could hear Wooyoung humming along to the music from the kitchen, tinkering about as if he was a kitchen fairy. You were over for dinner—which was unsurprising to anyone—for a good home-cooked meal before you’d depart to France. You hated flying, and the thought of being stuck inside an airplane for so many hours had your heart racing, but seeing Wooyoung’s relaxed demeanour calmed you a bit.

“The pasta’s almost done.” Came Wooyoung's voice as he appeared in the doorway, leaning against the wooden frame. For someone as rich as Wooyoung, he certainly had no desire to flaunt his wealth around, judging based on his timid and cosy apartment. Hell, even his home in Paris was more flamboyant, screaming richness and big-city boy. The AMG cabriolet in the parking garage, however, did hint at your best friend’s wealth, “Have you made any progress?”

You sighed and shook your head, prompting Wooyoung to walk over. He wasn’t drinking tonight, said the pasta would puff him up, so he didn’t want to ruin his skin by also drinking. It was not that wine would cause more harm to his flawless complexion; it was just hard to move Wooyoung once he was convinced of something.

“I can’t find anything I like.” You muttered before you took a sip of your wine, swiping to the next picture. The leather pants looked good on the model; they weren’t skin tight, but they were low rise. You wondered if Wooyoung would like it just as he plopped down on the soft sofa.

“How about something I like?” He raised an eyebrow cheekily, and you chuckled, shuffling around to sit cross-legged. Your knee brushed against Wooyoung’s thigh, and his body seemed to melt back into the cushions as he leaned towards you, relaxing into your side. You smiled as you turned your iPad to show him the model and outfit.

“How about these pants?” You asked, remembering Wooyoung’s preferences, which rarely changed.

“Oh, they look nice.” Wooyoung hummed, zooming in on the picture, “I want these.”

“You do?” You asked, surprised, turning your head to look at your best friend. Wooyoung was a physically affectionate person, and once you had gotten used to it, you craved it if he didn’t give it to you. You liked it when he cosied up into your side, and in the rare moments when you both were too exhausted to drive home from each other’s apartments, you’d end up falling asleep together, cuddled up. You didn’t think it was very normal to say you really liked falling asleep in Wooyoung’s arms, so you kept that thought locked away deep down in your mind. You tried not to think about the fact that being around your best friend just felt right, a feeling you never got around anyone. One of your aunts had once told you that when she met her husband, she knew it was him because, one, she had lost her panties at customs somehow, and two, when their eyes met, this overwhelming calmness numbed her mind, everything about the man seemingly just…right. You sighed and shook your head when you felt Wooyoung looking at you with a questioning look on his face, “Sorry, the wine’s getting to me. What did you say?”

Wooyoung chuckled, then ruffled your hair with teasingly narrowed eyes, “You have to be on your A game if you expect me to take you with me to Paris, Missy. But I was saying…do you think it’d be too much if I showed more skin this time?”

Your eyes slightly widened, but you shook your head with pursed lips, “On the contrary, you’d hit the headlines, Mr. Jung. More headlines mean more engagement and curiosity—and what does that mean?”

“More money, more power, more wealth!” You singsonged at the same time before you burst out laughing, making Wooyoung groan.

“Who are you, and what have you done to my best friend?” He pouted, then took the iPad from your hands to swipe through the outfits you had selected as potential looks for his Fashion Week appearance, “I knew I shouldn’t have introduced you to Jongho; now you’re a monster of capitalism as well.”

You laughed and subconsciously leaned your head against Wooyoung’s shoulder, sighing loudly once you settled down. You played with your glass of wine as you watched the pictures Wooyoung was swiping through way too fast to see anything, or so you thought because he made a surprised sound, quickly swiping back.

“Oh! I like this one!” He was pointing at a jacket; you hummed in acknowledgment.

“I thought I was your stylist.” You jabbed playfully, and Wooyoung laughed, putting down the iPad as he turned his head to look down at you. You slightly pulled your head off his shoulder, downing the rest of your wine.

“I just merely helped out. You can add the accessories and worry about the hairstyle and makeup.” You nodded but then realised his outfit wasn’t just yet complete.

“Right, and I also have to find you a shirt.” A beat of silence passed as a small smirk crept onto Wooyoung’s lips.

“Or not.”

“Or not?”

“Remember we just said more money, more power, more wealth?” You quirked an eyebrow as Wooyoung stood, slapping your thigh away playfully as you yelped in surprise, “Well, I’m working on just that, my dear.”

“So, no jacket, noted.” You muttered, favouriting the two pictures Wooyoung said he liked. You’d have to forward them to the brand tonight if you wanted the clothing items on Wooyoung in just three days, “By the way, have you seen my beaded bracelet?”

“The one I won for you as a joke at the fair?” You hummed, and Wooyoung shrugged, “Nope, why?”

“I lost it…again.” You whined as you threw your head back against the sofa, groaning as you wrist felt empty without it. Wooyoung had gotten you that bracelet five years ago. You rarely took it off, and yet you had managed to lose it anytime you did, which would make this one the fourth time you did. Your heart clenched at the thought of having actually lost the bracelet this time, but you were distracted by Wooyoung’s stomps as they came back towards you. You hadn’t even noticed him walking back inside the kitchen.

“Idiot,” Wooyoung huffed, then you felt something hit the side of your head, making you squeak in surprise, “You left it on the counter.”

You turned your head and looked down at the sofa, eyes widening as the beaded bracelet now lay next to you.

“I swear I didn’t!” You defended yourself, grabbing the bracelet to wear it, “I couldn’t find it since the photoshoot!”

“Yeah, whatever.” Wooyoung waved you off with dismissal as he headed back inside the kitchen, “Come eat, the pasta’s done. I’m going to bed early tonight.”

“Are you kicking me out, Jung Wooyoung?!” You raised your voice as you got off the sofa, grabbing your empty wine glass to bring to the kitchen.

“Hell, yeah, I am! Did you finish packing?”

He got you there. At your silence, Wooyoung just had a knowing smirk on his face. Fuck, and your flight was early in the morning tomorrow.

            The whole place was a mess, and it was all your fault. You hadn’t even unpacked yet, even though you should have since you were staying here for a week. But you were usually too lazy to unpack, so your things ended up all over the floor and around your luggage. And this time, like many other times, that came to bite you back in the ass. You were pushing around the piles of clothes, mainly trying to find the top you had selected to wear for the event, but also because you had a bad feeling that you had lost…well, an item that you certainly didn’t wish anyone else to find. Not because it was embarrassing to own it, but because it was a bit…questionable. Your girlfriends had gotten it as a joke for your birthday last year, and well, the joke turned into an actually very appreciated gift by you. You sighed and fell back onto your ass, the floorboards warm since they had heating installed in them. Unlike the rest of your team, you had the privilege of staying with Wooyoung in his fancy apartment in Paris while you were here for Fashion Week. Today was the big day, and you were waiting for the makeup team to arrive. You and Wooyoung had gotten up early and had breakfast, serving a small cup of coffee on the balcony that overlooked the city, and for some reason, you started feeling nostalgic about all the things you’d gone through together to get here.

Wooyoung was affectionate but rarely the extra clingy type with you, so when he hugged you out on the balcony and thanked you for being by his side and encouraging him like no one else, you almost teared up. You also chose to ignore the weird flutter of your heart since this was your best friend, the guy you’d walk through fire for. Sighing again, you decided to give your clothes another dive when you heard a loud screech coming from outside your room. You jumped in fright and turned your body, listening for any other sounds. You doubted anyone had broken inside the apartment, but then again, why was Wooyoung reacting so strangely? Deciding you could find your top five minutes later, too, you ripped your door open and took about three steps outside before you froze, blood running cold and jaw dropping open.

“What the fuck?!” You asked, eyes on the ridged orange-purple dildo in Wooyoung’s hand. He had a weird expression on his face, like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, and it didn’t help that his blush spread from his neck down to his exposed chest. He was also in the middle of wearing his clothes, apparently; the button of his leather pants wasn’t even buttoned yet. Your initial shock barely seemed to pass, but then you felt laughter bubbling past your lips. Wooyoung’s mouth opened, but it seemed like he didn’t know what to say as he looked between you and his extended hand, “I had no idea you were into stuff like that.”

A beat of silence passed before Wooyoung’s whole expression turned flabbergasted, and it’s been too long since you heard your best friend lamely tumble over his own words, “What?! That’s—this isn’t mine! This is a dildo, bro! Why would I own a dildo?! I don’t—not that I have anything against taking it up the ass—I mean, I heard it feels good sometimes—wait! Forget I said that! Oh my god, I swear it’s not mine!”

“Then whose is it?” You quirked an eyebrow, trying not to laugh in Wooyoung’s face again. The problem, however, was that the dildo looked suspiciously similar to the one you had been looking for this morning…the item that you had packed before leaving and was now nowhere in your luggage. You gulped, and suddenly your throat felt dry as warmth crept up your neck and cheeks. Wooyoung noticed your sudden demeanour shift and looked down at the dildo in his hand, a small smirk appearing on his lips.

“Whose is it, you ask?” Fuck, you hated your life as Wooyoung’s head fell back, a hauntingly shrill laughter leaving his mouth, “I had no idea you were into monster cocks—”

“Oh my god, shut up!” You shrieked as you stormed towards him, slapping your hand over his mouth as you ripped your dildo out of his hand, feeling mortified that your best friend had seen it. Your friendship transcended many boundaries, but not this one. This one was too intimate and definitely something you didn’t want Wooyoung knowing about, “I’m going to kill you, Woo, if you say anything to anyone about this.”

Wooyoung snorted as you released his mouth, raising an eyebrow mockingly, “Who am I going to tell? Your assistant? My makeup artist—wait, he might actually have better suggestions—”

“Wooyoung!” You screamed and slapped his chest, the sound loud as Wooyoung whined, cradling his naked chest as he gave you a pout.

“Hey, if that leaves a handprint, I’m posting your dildo on SNS.” Your eyes bulged out of your head, mortified all over again.

“Just—God, forget this happened! Delete it out of your memory, or something—don’t look at me like that!” But Wooyoung was cackling again, and because you had the sudden urge to shove him back and whine until he stopped making fun of you, you decided to storm back inside your room with your whole face beet red. You heard Wooyoung’s footsteps follow after you, but you still slammed the door shut for effect. He laughed before he nudged the door open, leaning against the doorframe as you shoved the dildo far underneath your pile of clothes. You still had to find your top, but currently, all you wished to do was jump off the balcony. Just how did your damn dildo end up in Wooyoung’s possession? You were sure you had packed it and then that you lost it somewhere underneath all the clothes, so just how did it turn up in Wooyoung’s bedroom? This felt like the end of the world as you groaned loudly, shaking your head. You expected Wooyoung to make another comment about the dildo, but instead, he said something else that made you flush again.

“Wear a jacket over your bra, and we’ll be matching.” Man, he just had to make everything worse. Your head turned sharply as you narrowed your eyes at Wooyoung, conscious that your torso was also bare except for your bra.

“I’m not going out there in a bra and jacket, Wooyoung.”

“Pity, everyone would see we belong together.”

And you had no time to question his words because the doorbell rang, signalling that the makeup team was here.

            Today had been a successful day. The media was obsessed with Wooyoung, outlets were talking about him and wanting his attention and time while you were in Paris, so you couldn’t be prouder and happier. You loved watching your best friend from the sidelines as he shined like the star he was, deserving of all the adoration and appreciation. Wooyoung was a confident man, but even he had his lapses of judgment. It felt right to support him from the shadows, but it also felt right when he ran up to you after the event to squeeze you tight, lift you off the ground and twirl you around as you both giggled. Yeah, teenager you would’ve never believed you’d once actually achieve your dreams, especially not while finding a best friend for life in the process. You were so happy that it threatened to overspill, and you had no idea what to do with it, so you just settled on smiling until your cheeks hurt, but you didn’t care.

It was the evening now, and you were getting ready to go out for a celebratory dinner with the whole team. Your assistant had been bugging you with restaurants the whole afternoon, and in the end, you just told her to choose whatever she liked. She was over the moon and told you that you could trust her to choose only the best, and you believed her because ever since she started working for you, she had been excelling at her job. Your satin black dress was flowy and simple, a turtleneck that had to be clasped together, so Wooyoung had helped you before you struggled into your white stilettos. Now, you were trying to get your diamond earrings in—a present you got three years ago from Wooyoung—but you dropped the left one. You sighed and bent to pick it up—but it disappeared. You blinked, confused and slightly startled, looking at the empty floor. It was there a second ago, and now it was nowhere. You muttered a curse under your breath as you stood up straight, looking at the dresser to convince yourself you weren’t hallucinating, and indeed, the earring wasn’t there either.

“Hey,” You flinched and whirled around, no doubt looking like you’ve seen a ghost, “Did you lose your earring?”

There, in Wooyoung’s palm, lay the earring you had dropped seconds ago. Your mouth fell open as your heart started racing, your ears ringing as you found yourself unable to speak. Your body was jittery all of a sudden, cheeks warm as you kept staring at Wooyoung with a newfound understanding. Before you could utter the words that sounded completely mental even to yourself, Wooyoung continued, “Have you seen my wrist cuff? I think I dropped it somewhere—”

And no, you hadn’t seen the wrist cuff before, but now, yes, it was suddenly in your goddamn hand. Wooyoung’s words died out in his throat, eyes bulging wide as he gaped at you in shock. His breathing got faster and you watched his hands tremble as he looked down at your earring in his palm, and yeah, holy shit, all this time it’s been Jung Wooyoung.

“Fuck, what the fuck?!” Wooyoung whispered to yourself, approaching you with sparkling eyes, “It’s—me. And then—it’s you. We are—Y/N, are we—”

“We are soulmates, Wooyoung, holy shit!” You whispered back, still in disbelief, all those years of being by each other’s side suddenly replaying in front of your eyes as if you were watching a movie. How could you be so dense that you didn’t realise until now?!

“Wooyoung.”

“Y/N.” And then Wooyoung was laughing, cupping your face as he closed the distance, “We are so fucking dumb.”

You would’ve laughed, but Wooyoung’s warm lips were pressed against yours, and he tasted like grapes, so weird yet so addicting. You’ve never fantasised about kissing your best friend before—no, your soulmate—but as your bodies pressed together now, you couldn’t imagine living anymore without this. You fit together perfectly as if you were made for each other—which, unironically, you were—and it all felt surreal as your lips moved languidly against Wooyoung’s, so right and all so warm and fuzzy. His hand was gentle on your cheek as he caressed it, and your fingers twisted his ironed shirt as you hoped this moment never ended. All these years, your soulmate was right next to you, reachable and available, and you were living in the belief that the legend was nothing but that, a silly legend to keep everyone dreaming about the moment they’d find the one. And no, it wasn’t just a legend anymore; it was as real as it could get.

“We are idiots.” You muttered as you pulled back, pressing small kisses against Wooyoung’s lips, who tried to chase after your mouth when you detached yourself from him, “We have to get ready; the car will be here in fifteen minutes.”

“Screw dinner, I want to stay here with you.”

“Wooyoung, we already know each other.”

“Yes, as best friends, but this—this is a new version of us.”

“Is it, really? Or will you lose your damn wrist cuff the second I turn my back to you?”

You both giggled, and you closed your eyes when Wooyoung kissed you again, slow and tender.

“Okay, whatever, let’s get dinner, but when we get back—”

“We will sleep because I’m completely exhausted.”

The spark of hope died out in Wooyoung’s eyes for a second, but it was swiftly back, “In the same bed?”

“Yes, in the same bed, Wooyoung.”

He fist-bumped the air, and you laughed, staring adoringly at your best friend turned soulmate. Oh, your life will be filled with so much happiness and love; this was everything you could’ve ever wished for. Maybe it is too early to say, but you loved Jung Wooyoung—your best friend, your soulmate.

© HONGJOONGSPOETRY & BVIDZSOO 2025 - All rights reserved. Copying, editing, reposting or translating our work is not allowed.

[wosospacegirl]

Stuck with you - part 4

Summary: Y/n’s used to Alexia’s overprotectiveness and the pressure of her career—but Kika? The shy, socially awkward teammate who’s starting to make her feel things she didn’t expect.

Warnings: lesbians failing at normal conversation, one (1) suspicious ankle, and Y/n pretending she's fine when she is clearly not fine.

Word count: 6k

..

The morning after dinner came too fast. Y/n had barely slept, her brain stuck replaying every awkward second of dinner.

She wanted to cringe every time she remembered the whole flower episode–the way she had panicked when she thought the flowers were for her. How Olga kept glancing at Y/n and Kika with a knowing grin on her face.

Y/n hated how dinner had slipped out of her control. She hated even more that she… maybe liked it? Somehow?

It was nice having Kika over. She was easy to be around, even though both Kika and Y/n were still pretty much awkward as hell. It just felt…nice.

After dinner, Kika offered to help Y/n clean the dishes while Olga was taking care of Alexia’s wounded knee. 

Y/n passed Kika a dish towel without looking. “You really don’t have to help, you know.”

Kika shrugged, taking the plate from her hands. “It’s fine. I don’t mind.”

They worked in silence for a bit–just the sound of running water and plates clinking.

“Dinner was good,” Kika said, a little shy. “I mean… the food. And the vibe.”

“The vibe? You mean Olga attacking Alexia’s bad knee or..?” Y/n raised an eyebrow at her, skeptical. 

“She wasn’t that bad,” Kika said. “She seems very caring.”

Y/n glanced over. “Yeah, aggressively caring.”

Another pause. Kika was drying a fork that had already been dry for like, ten seconds too long. Y/n noticed but didn’t say anything.

“I still had fun,” Kika said after a beat, setting the fork down and leaning against the counter, suddenly very interested in the dish towel.

Y/n hesitated, then nodded once. “Yeah. Me too.”

They stood there for a second too long, not saying anything. Y/n opened her mouth like she might add something, then closed it again.

“Um, you make good pasta, by the way,” she said, looking down.

Y/n blinked, confused. “I… didn’t make the pasta.”

 “Oh. I–Olga said you did.” Kika’s face immediately flushed.

They stared at each other for a second. The silence hung there, weird and uncertain, like neither of them knew what to do with it.

What the hell would Olga say something like that to Kika? Y/n wasn’t even aware that the dinner was happening? Y/n knew Olga was up to something. 

Y/n finally shrugged, turning back to the sink. “Well, good to know I’m getting credit for things I didn’t do.”

“Still… It was really good.”  Kika let out a quiet, nervous laugh

Y/n handed her another plate without looking. “Yeah. Olga’s like…annoyingly good at everything.”

Another beat of quiet passed.

“I liked it,” Kika added, softly.

Y/n didn’t say anything back. But her shoulders eased just a little.

Maybe dinner wasn’t bad for every member of the Putella’s household after all. Well… maybe just for Alexia. And possibly her kneecap.

Two days had passed, and Y/n and Kika shared a few polite interactions, just some shy greetings across the pitch, no ice cream date. Not that Y/n was actually expecting Kika and her to go out, of course not! 

They didn’t even have the time for that. An El Clásico was coming– and it was Kika’s debut. Kika and Y/n were on the starting eleven. They didn’t have time to…eat ice cream.

Y/n could very well buy ice cream if she wanted to and eat in her room. But she wouldn't do that, it would be pathetic.

She kept quiet through breakfast, letting Alexia and Olga talk over her head about formations and press conferences, as Y/n usually did when it was match day.

Her body moved almost on autopilot: eating, packing, walking into the team bus, focused on the game ahead of them. Jana and Vicky called Y/n to sit with them in the back of the bus to film TikTok, but Kika was there too, smiling. Y/n knew she was going to get distracted.

She couldn't allow herself that.

She had a big day ahead of her. She needs to be great. And for that to happen, she needs a strong headspace. So that’s why she sat by Alexia's side. 

It was good to sit with Alexia.

She didn't try to make small talk or give unsolicited advice, instead, she simply shared one of her earphones with Y/n, letting the music fill the silence between them. 

It was like an unspoken moment between her and Y/n that showed that their bond–even if a little difficult sometimes–was still there. It grounded Y/n. It was one of the few occasions where Alexia’s presence felt calming.

Y/n was confident, really.

But as the bus neared the stadium, Y/n could already feel her chest tightening again. The vehicle stopped and the girls walked out of it, right into the chaos of the stadium tunnel, where the usual anxiety of a match crept in.

The energy before a clásico was always palpable.

There were reporters and journalists around, flashing their faces with their cameras and absurd questions. Fans who screamed loudly enough to give Y/n and the other girls a headache. And security guards that barked and shoved the players, trying to protect them from the most energized fans.

Y/n’s boots echoed off the floor as she made her way to the locker room. Her jaw tight, focus narrowing.

No one tried to talk to her. They used other more closed-off demeanor before any big games.

There was no room for distraction now. Not dinner. Not Kika. Not even Alexia’s watchful eyes. 

Just the game and only the game.

..

Y/n stood in front of Kika as Barcelona’s team lined up in the tunnel, waiting to be called onto the pitch. She had her eyes pinned on the back of Aitana’s head, trying to focus.

Y/n didn’t like the ambiance of the tunnel.

Her mascot’s hand was far too sweaty. The Real Madrid players were puffing out their chests, trying to act tough, which only irritated Y/n.

 Somewhere behind her, she could hear hushed whispers–probably Ona and Salma–carrying all the way to the front of the line.

There was too much going on. 

It was always too much before a game. No matter how hard she tried to focus, the chaos around her felt overwhelming. She felt like she always had to put on a show whenever she stepped onto the pitch.

Estrella.

La princesa.

Mini Alexia.

The Barcelona fans always chanted when they saw her, screaming loudly as she ran across the pitch, ball at her feet, defenders left behind.

She couldn’t make mistakes.

Focus. She needed to focus.

Her heart was beating fast, and her breathing was uncomfortable, not enough air in her lungs. 

That always happened. That uncomfortable feeling–the heaviness on her chest that made Y/n feel like she was slowly being crushed to the ground.

She held her fist tight, trying to ground herself, until a squeaky voice 

made her snap out of it,

“Ouch! You’re hurting my hand!” said the little boy by her side–her mascot. 

He had a pout on his face, almost like he’d just been betrayed because Y/n had held his hand a little too tight.

Y/n might have felt bad if he hadn’t practically announced it to the entire tunnel. Now all eyes were on them. 

“Oh, perdó,” [Oh, I’m sorry] Y/n said, letting go of the boy's hand, feeling embarrassed for having all heads turned to them.

“I don’t wanna go with you anymore!” said the boy, half yelling–again.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Y/n said, lowering herself down just so she was the same height as the boy. “It won't happen again, nen [boy].”

Y/n reached for the boy’s hand again, but he quickly pulled away from her. “No! I had told my mami I wanted to go with Alexia, not you! And now you hu–”

“Hey little man, how are you?” Kika had knelt to the ground beside the boy, putting an arm around his shoulder. “Can I see your hand? Is it hurting?”

Y/n watched as Kika talked to the boy, almost as if soothing him. Kika did it so easily, like soothing a nervous kid wasn’t even a bother.

Y/n noticed that Kika, even though a little shy, was good at talking to others, at doing small talk and making people feel comfortable and reassured. Y/n wondered how she could do that. 

It was just like dinner, a few days better. She answered all of Olga’s questions with ease, and didn't seem starstruck like most new girls were with Alexia.

But when it was just Y/n and Kika? It was like neither girl knew how to hold a conversation properly.

Still, Y/n admired Kika, she was good at socialising. It was a skill Y/n wished she had been born with, because she was surely not developing it well. People always called her cranky, even when she was still a kid; she just never had the patience for small talk and meaningless conversations.

Kika had just moved to a new country and she didn't speak the same language as her. She was about to debut for a big club…and yet she seemed calm.

While Y/n could barely breathe, standing in a familiar tunnel.

In the end, the boy refused to be Y/n’s mascot. Deciding to hold Kika's other hand.  So Kika had two kids, and Y/n had zero. Zero mascots. 

Maybe next time, she’d try not to crush a child’s bones.

“Sorry,” Kika whispered to Y/n, pointing her chin at the boy. “I tried to make him go with you, I even offered some candy”

“It’s alright,” Y/n smiled, for the first time that day, “I didn’t think he was very kind.”

“Hey, I’m right here, ma’am,” the boy said, sticking his tongue. “I’ll tell my mami you hurt my hand.”

Y/n rolled her eyes. “You can tell your mami to s–”

A very sound ran through the tunnel.

The classical signal to the player to enter the pitch.

Y/n forgot the boy right away.

She was going to nail this game.

...

The match had been going on for 30 minutes. Kika had already been tackled three times. Three. And the ref had done absolutely nothing. Not even a warning.

But the moment Kika got too close to Madrid’s number 8? Straight yellow. No fouls before. No prior warnings. Just a card.

Y/n felt rage spiking in her chest. She hated injustice, especially now with Kika’s debut. She barely touched the girl and got a card? It's completely unfair.

So she started shadowing number 8. Not very subtly, Y/n wasn’t trying to hide her intention behind it; she was pressed against the girl, giving her light shovings whenever the ball was close to her.

If Y/n could mark number 8, then Kika would have more freedom to run and make passes to the other girls. Y/n wasn’t worried about Kika herself, of course, she was worried about the team.

If it were any other girl being this marked up by other players, Y/n would definitely do the same thing…maybe just not with the same enthusiasm.

Y/n kept close to number 8, but when she turned around to get the ball and Ym tackled her, the referee gave Y/n a warning.

Y/n rolled her eyes and backed off slightly.

But she stayed very much alert. Watching for gaps. Watching Kika. Watching everyone.

As a defender, she needed to read the game better than anyone. Especially when the people in charge refused to play fair.

But of course, Y/n wasn’t the only player who had–as Alexia said a million times –an aggressive play style.

Ona had made a pass to Y/n–it was quick, sharp. Y/n was just there to redirect it to Vicky or Pina, who were a few meters away. Y/n didn’t even need to ruin it, just one touch would’ve been enough.

But another player, number 6 from Real Madrid–Whose name Y/n couldn’t be bothered to remember– tackled her. Hard.

The tackle wasn’t clean, and it was very much unnecessary as Y/n was standing still, very far away from Real Madrid goal. Number 6 took the ball with her, as well as Y/n's ankle.

Y/n hit the ground face-first, a hiss escaping her lips as her ankle throbbed. Her hands dug into the grass, jaw clenched as she heard the crowd–Real Madrid fans cheering, Barça fans booing.

“Hey, amiga,” Ona’s voice came through, calm but concerned. “That was dirty. Want me to call the medics? The ref blew the whistle already.”

Ona knelt beside her, placing a steady hand on Y/n’s back as she helped her turn over and sit up. Her ankle didn’t look injured. They never did right after an impact–the worst came after.

But the pain was growing, creeping up her leg and almost reaching her shin. She’d twisted it badly. One week off, minimum. But there was another Madrid match coming soon. She couldn’t miss it. So she breathed through it.

The other girls came over, Alexia, Irene, Aitana… and Kika.

They all looked at her the same way: worried.  Like they didn’t think she’d be able to continue. Like they already knew it and were calculating how many weeks off she would get.

Y/n hated that. Hated being looked at like she was…fragile. 

So she forced herself to stand. She bit down a whine as her foot hit the ground, hiding the tremble in her knee. Ona instinctively grabbed her arm, and Aitana caught the other, helping her stay upright.

“I’m calling the medics,” Alexia said, already waving toward the bench.

Y/n was faster. She dropped Alexia’s arm “No, Ale. I’m good.”

“Good?” Irene echoed, sounding incredulous. “Estrellita, she almost snapped your ankle in two. I saw it.”

“Guys, really,” Y/n said, pointing at her ankle as she moved it side to side. It hurt a lot, but she faked a confident smile. Then she took three shaky steps forward. “See? Fine.”

Alexia pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. “Nena, if you feel any pain, you ask to be subbed off. No…. heroics, ok?”

“Yes,” Y/n said quickly. “Don’t worry.”

“Let’s make it 3–0 for us, yeah?” Y/n added, eyes already locked on the scoreboard. 

2–0 for Barça.

 Her game face was back on, the player in her settling in neatly.

Y/n wasn’t sure if it was the placebo effect, the adrenaline, or if she was simply such a good liar that even she believed it, but the pain was gone. Or at least, it felt like it.

She didn’t feel any pain when she sprinted down the right side of the pit to make a pass to Alexia, who sent the ball shooting into the net. And definitely not when she passed to Ona, who sent the ball flying to Irene, who then set Patri up perfectly for another goal.

The locker room was completely buzzed with laughter and half-sung chants. The 4–0 win over Real Madrid felt like a party already, but somehow, the girls had more energy to burn.

Y/n was seated on the bench, unlacing her boots, when she glanced across the room and saw Kika.

Kika was leaning against her locker, eyes crinkled in a laugh at something Vicky said, her jersey sleeves pushed up as she tossed her hair back. She looked so at ease. Like the tension from the game had never happened.

For a second, Y/n thought Kika might turn around and look at her. Maybe smile. 

But she didn’t, being too caught up in her conversation.

Y/n looked away before anyone noticed she was watching. 

The girls kept talking, singing, happy about their victory.

That energy didn’t end after they gave interviews, or after they made some media content for Barcelona and, in the case of Vicky, Jane and Salma, filmed a TikTok.

So of course, the barça girls had to commemorate even more.

“Bar tonight!” Patri said, tugging her jersey over her head and putting on a clean t-shirt. “Who’s on?”

“Yes!” Irene said, phone already in hand. “Just gonna let Lucia know I’ll be late.”

Y/n, still seated on the bench, unlaced her boots slowly, as all the girls agreed to Patri’s idea. 

Just one person didn’t say anything, and she could feel the bullying starting.

 “I’m gonna skip,” Y/n said in a low voice, not even looking up, because she knew she was going to be met with a lot of hopeful eyes staring at her.

A chorus of groans followed immediately, and Y/n had to let a chuckle out. They were so dramatic whenever it came to ‘team bonding time’.

“Come on, that’s like the third time in a row,” Vicky whined from across the locker room, Jana nodding aggressively as she agreed with her. “You’re boring.”

“You never go out,” Ona added with an exaggerated pout. “We can’t just see each other on the pitch!”

“Sorry,” Y/n replied, her usual dry tone, the fake smile on her face making it even more sarcastic.

“You’re the lamest 19-year-old I know,” Pina chimed in, throwing in a towel at Y/n, who let it land on her hand before tossing it to the floor.

“You know you’re going to die one day and won’t have any stories to tell, right?” Jana said, more like a warning, pointing a finger at Y/n as if it were a prophecy.

“Oh, and what stories and memories are you guys creating tonight?” Y/n asked, lifting her eyebrows. “Because the last time I went out, Marta choked on the fries because someone,” Y/n gave Patri a judgmental look. “Challenged her to see how many fries she could chew at the same time.”

The girls tried to talk back, but they really didn’t have arguments, so they just rolled their eyes at Y/n while others just laughed it off.

One by one, the team started to leave. The buzz faded with the slamming of the locker room door, and soon, only Alexia and Y/n were left behind.

Y/n kept unlacing her second boot slowly, aware of the silence that was creeping in. She didn’t have to look up to know Alexia was still there.

"Nena, ets molt antisocial," Alexia’s voice came through–not stern, but amused. “You always say no.”

“I’m always socially tired,” Y/n replied, almost whining.

“They’re starting to take it personally,” Alexia said, grabbing her game bag.

“They’ll survive, I’m sure,” Y/n said, a teasing smile tugging at her lips.

“They might not,” Alexia added, letting her hair down from the ponytail. “Well, Vicky might not–she looked like she was about to cry.”

That made Y/n roll her eyes, but she smiled. She missed that, those teasing moments with Alexia that felt like siblings messing around. 

When Alexia wasn’t acting like her mom, or the strict team captain, she was actually cool and funny.

Though to be fair, Alexia’s captain persona never really turned off. And it didn’t know either.

Her gaze dropped, quick and instinctive, noticing the way Y/n’s hands were clamped tightly around her ankle. The way her foot was angled–awkward, tense, like she was trying to find a position that didn’t make her flinch.

She still had her right boot and sock on, so Alexia couldn’t see the swelling or the bruising that had already started to bloom. And Y/n was determined to keep it that way.

“You alright?” Alexia asked, her voice softer now.

“Yeah. Just sore.”

Alexia raised a brow. “Like, ‘sore I’ll be fine tomorrow,’ or ‘sore I don’t want the physios to see’?”

“Sore like I just need to ice it when I get home,” Y/n said, too casually.

“I think you should see the doctors,” Alexia pressed. “I’ll take you. They can do imaging just to be sure.”

“No, Ale.” Y/n shook her head. “I’m fine. I swear.”

“That player stepped on your ankle. I watched it happen—I can’t see how you’re ‘fine.’”

“The same way you were fine when you twisted yours two months ago!” Y/n snapped, then immediately regretted it.

Alexia deadpanned. “I was literally out for two weeks.”

“…Okay. So maybe not exactly the same way,” Y/n muttered, shifting her weight. “Now go. The girls are waiting for you.”

Alexia gave her a long look but let it drop. “Alright. I’m going. But Olga’s home–maybe you two can order something in for dinner”

“Will do.”

“And please put ice on it,” she said, already pulling out her phone. “Actually, I’m texting Olga to leave everything ready so you can prop your ankle up.”

“Ale–stop.” Y/n groaned.

“Is it a crime to care for you now?” Alexia asked, halfway teasing, but she slung her bag over her shoulder and headed for the door.

“You are not ‘caring for me’,” Y/n said, rolling her eyes. “You’re hovering.”

“No estic,” Alexia said, a little too quickly. “Només estic... preocupada. Una mica.” [“I’m not. I’m just... worried. A bit.”]

“--But I’m trusting you not to be an idiot and downplay this,” she continued, more serious this time. 

“I’m not! I won’t!” Y/n said, forcing a smile, trying to convince her.

Alexia lingered with her hand on the doorknob, her back to Y/n.

“You’re sure?” she asked, quieter now. “You’ll ice it? Real ice, not frozen peas like last time.”

Y/n rolled her eyes. “Yes. Promise.”

Alexia turned just enough to narrow her eyes at her, like she was this close to calling the physios behind her back. She took a breath.

“Okay. I’ll let you off this time,” she said. “But only because I know Olga will give you more shit about it than I ever could.”

The door shut behind her.

Y/n waited. Waited until she didn't hear Kika's shoes anymore, then peeled her sock down.

“Shit,” she muttered.

Her ankle was already swollen, a deep purple bruise creeping up the side. It throbbed with a dull ache now that the adrenaline had worn off. She hissed under her breath and grabbed her water bottle, pressing it to the skin in place of proper ice.

Just ice. Just rest. She’d be fine.

It was just sore. She could walk. Limping was still a form of walking. She had iced worse things.

She would just take some anti-inflammatories, smear some cream on it overnight. Tomorrow, she’d tape it up and keep going.

She was halfway through pulling her sock back up when—

“Whoa.”

Her heart jumped into her throat.

Kika stood frozen in the doorway, the same clothes she wore when they first got to the game. A grey sweater, white shirt underneath and baggy jeans. 

“Sorry…I forgot my–” She trailed off, eyes glued to Y/n’s ankle.

“That looks… kind of bad.”

Y/n straightened instinctively, tugging her suck up too fast. 

“It 's nothing.”

“It’s… purple.”

“I have poor blood circulation,” Y/n said dryly.

Kika blinked. “Right.”

Y/n looked away, busying herself with her bag. “It’s just a bruise. It’ll be fine by morning.”

Kika didn’t say anything right away. She stood there, shifting her weight awkwardly, clearly unsure if she should stay or go.

“It doesn’t look like anything,” she said eventually.. “But–I mean, maybe you know your body better.”

“Yes, I do,” Y/n clenched her jaw, not liking the sudden attention to her injury. “You can back off, no need to worry.”

Kika shifted her weight from one foot to the other, like she wanted to say something else but wasn’t sure if she was allowed to.

Y/n sighed. “Sorry.”

Kika blinked, a little surprised.

She took a small step forward, then stopped again.

“I’m not trying to… I’m not judging or anything. I just saw it and–the other girls said it was minor, so I didn’t expect it to look…purple.”

“It’s just…” Y/n shook her head. “Long game.”

Kika gave a small nod. “Yeah. It was a big one.”

She hesitated. “Your first,” Y/n added quietly, eyes still on her sock. “You played well.”

Kika smiled, almost sheepish. “Thanks.”

She lingered a second longer. “And… Thank you for marking the players for me. I noticed it, and well…for tracking back when I lost the ball during the first half.”

She pressed her fingers into her ankle a little harder than necessary, just to distract herself from the warmth creeping up her neck.

“Yeah, of course. I’m a defender. That’s my, hm… job.” Y/n’s ears burned. She cleared her throat.  

Kika’s smile widened a little. “Well… you’re very good at your job.”

Y/n glanced at her quickly, as if to see if she was being made fun of. But Kika 

“Have you booked with the physio at the club yet?” Kika asked, gently, but with purpose. Her eyes flicked down to Y/n’s leg again. She clearly wasn’t ready to drop it.

“No. That won’t be necessary,” Y/n said, not looking at her. She slid her ankle behind her gym bag so Kika wouldn’t see it anymore. “It’s feeling better already.”

Kika clearly didn't believe Y/n.

“Is it because of the upcoming game? The other one against Madrid?”

Y/n watched Kika, her eyes soft, not with judgment, just concern. Y/n looked down at her poor ankle and nodded. 

“I just wanna play–FIFA dates are coming up and I need to stay on the squad,” Y/n said, in a small voice, as if she didn’t like to admit it.

There were a lot of good Spain players who could easily fit her position on the squad, it was a very competitive selection. That’s why so many players with double nationality sometimes chose not to represent Spain, because their chances of getting in were slim.

Y/n didn’t have any other option, though, so she had to be good, excellent even. If she were out for a few weeks, there was a big chance of not getting called because of minutes.

She needed more minutes. More games. More experience. She needed to show them she was worthy of being called again.

Y/n had been in a few share of seniors games, but she always thought they were going to be their last, so she never slacked. Always gave her best,

“It looks bad, though,” Kika said again, pulling Y/n out of her thoughts. 

Y/n’s jaw tensed, just slightly.

“It’ll get better,” Y/n said, too practiced as if she was saying it to herself, so she could believe it.

“Hm. If you say so.” Kika said hesitantly, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

Y/n didn’t look at her, instead focusing on the zipper of her gym bag. “Yeah.”

“Can you keep it in between us, though?” Y/n asked, eyes on the floor still. “Just–while it heals…it won’t take long, two days max.”

Silent. 

“I just don’t want Romeu to bench me now,” Y/n continued, blushing on her cheeks as she realised that she was asking Kika to do something that wasn't really nice. “Just…two days, Kika.”

There was silence again, this time way too long.

Y/n finally looked up.

Kika’s face had shifted slightly. Her eyebrows were drawn together, her lips were tight.  Her eyes flicked down again to the ankle Y/n had tried to hide behind her gym bag. Then back to Y/n’s face.

Y/n didn’t say anything else. Didn’t push or soften the ask. She just waited, pretending she wasn’t watching Kika carefully.

Y/n hated to see how uncomfortable she looked, but it made sense; she had just been handed a secret she clearly didn’t want to hold.

They looked at each other, and Y/n felt her stomach twist.

Kika shouldn’t have walked in, not when her ankle was on full display; it looked okay-ish when her sock was covering it. A little swollen, but nothing more than this.

Kika finally gave a small nod–barely noticeable. 

But her body language didn’t match. Her shoulders were very tense. She looked like she wanted to say she wasn’t sure. That she didn’t want to be put in this position. But she said nothing.

But Kika wasn’t like the other players. She still stood a little too straight sometimes, spoke a little too politely, like she wasn’t sure how far she was allowed to go yet., Like she was still trying to figure out her place on the team.

Y/n felt a flicker of guilt.

Y/n was feeling like the bad guy for asking a teammate not to snitch, and it felt worse because the teammate was Kika, and Kika was sweet and caring, and she didn’t deserve to be put in this situation.   

But this was about her career. The next call-up, the next game, staying relevant. She needed the minutes.

Y/n pulled her hoodie over her head, trying to shake off the weird feeling creeping in her chest.

“I’ll be fine.” Her voice was low, firm, meant to end the conversation.

Kika fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve.

“I have to go,” she said finally.

Y/ne expected her voice to be snappier now, but it wasn’t, it was gentle, still soft.

“Jana and Vicky are waiting.” She continued, pointing at the door. “They said they want me to drink sangria.”

Y/n forced a smile, but it barely made it to her eyes.

“Oh. Yeah.” Y/n’s voice was quieter now, trailing off into something smaller. “Have a good time… and don’t trust Jana with the sangria,” the corner of her mouth tugged up just a bit. “Vicky’s got better taste.”

Kika lingered at the door before offering Y/n a small smile, her gaze staying a second too long on Y/n.

And then she turned around, the door clicking shut behind her.

Y/n still felt the weight of Kika’s gaze. It wasn’t harsh or judgmental, it was concerned. The same one Alexia gave her, but more…tender.

Y/n exhaled, long and slow, and ran a hand down her face. This is what it felt like to be perceived? Y/n surely didn’t like it.

Y/n looked around and noticed Kika didn’t take whatever it was that she came back for. 

She looked at the cubby to her left, a water bottle was there; the Portugal sticker gave it away about who it belonged to.

Y/n stared at it for a moment and bent over on the bench to pick it up. She turned it over in her hand, the water was warm now. The girl carefully placed it inside her gym bag.

Then she pushed herself up, only to suck in a sharp breath as pain ran through her ankle. Her fingers immediately reached for the bench again to steady herself.

Okay. Maybe she’d need more than just ice.

She changed slowly, trying to avoid putting pressure on the ankle as she took her gym bag and Kika’a water bottle.

Alexia probably still had some painkillers in her bedside drawer. 

Hopefully, Olga had left the freezer stocked, too.

..

“Ai, la meva nena”, Olga said as soon as Y/n walked into the house. Alexia had really texted her about Y/n’s ankle because Olga had a pack of ice and a towel waiting for her. [Oh, my girl].

Y/n didn’t even have time to drop her bag before Olga was already there, arms open,  the ice in one hand and the towel in the other.

Y/n accepted the hug stiffly. No matter how many years she had been living with Olga, she would never get used to her sudden moments of affection. Y/n only pretended she didn’t like it, though. Olga was a very good hugger.

Olga had probably taken what she called ‘premium shower’ because she smelt like strawberry, a body wash she only used on special occasions. 

Y/n tried her hardest not to limp. Olga might not be a physio or a football expert, but even she knew that if someone was limping after hours of hurting their ankle, then it wasn’t a minor injury.

Olga was the snitchiest person ever. She would tell Alexia in a heartbeat. They were loyal to each other like that. 

“Ale said a player stomped on your ankle? Sí?” Olga urged Y/n to sit on the sofa as she pulled her phone, probably letting Alexia know Y/n was home already.

Olga put her phone down on the coffee table while Y/n took off her shoes, but not her socks, even though the pressure made it worse. Olga couldn't see the state of her ankle, or else she would drive Y/n herself to the closest orthopedist.

The bruising had deepened. It was darker now, the swelling higher up the side.

“She didn’t stomp,” Y/n said casually, putting her shoes to the side and letting Olga put the ice over the towel on her ankle. “Alexia’s being dramatic.”

Y/n winces slightly when Olga rubbed the ice back against her ankle. But she tried to hide it with a yawn.

Olga looked at her, eyebrows raised, not buying it. But she didn’t push. Just sat next to her, tucking her legs beneath her,

“I don’t think I would use the word dramatic to describe Ale,” Olga said.

Y/n held the bundle to her ankle. The cold stung, and her toes curled instinctively.

“I would,” y/n mumbled, putting her head back against the sofa cushions. “She is a helicopter parent and she isn’t even a parent.”

Olga laughed, a soft snort. “She’s almost a parent,” she said, winking at her. “At least with you.”

Y/n scoffed, but it came out quieter than she meant it to. 

She wasn’t annoyed. Not really. Not even at Alexia. The truth was– her chest felt warm at that.

Y/n would sometimes feel like the odd one out when it came to Alexia, Olga, and the whole Putellas family dynamic. Like she didn’t truly belong. As if she were just someone they kept around out of obligation or pity or… god knows what.

But here–now–feeling Olga’s gentle presence beside her on the couch, listening as she asked about the match, then about what they should order for dinner like it was the most natural thing in the world… Y/n felt like family.

The feeling only grew stronger when Alexia video called mid-conversation, her face appearing on Olga’s phone screen with a worried crease between her brows.

“Let me see it,” Alexia said without preamble. She was clearly at a bar, Y/n could barely see her face, and her voice came out muffled from the sound of the Catan music playing.

Y/n rolled her eyes and lifted the injured foot, sock still on, ice pack balanced over the top. She pointed the camera like it was a piece of evidence. “There. Happy now?”

Alexia smiled, clearly relieved. “I’ll be back in just over an hour.”

“Oh, please stay longer,” Y/n said, teasing. “Olga and I are finally getting a chance to watch TV–the one you’re always hogging and never let us touch?”

Alexia raised an eyebrow. “You have a TV in your room. And Olga and I have one in ours too. Don’t be dramatic.”

Y/n grinned. “Living room TV is different, though.”

Alexia tilted her head, amused. “How exactly?”

“It just is,” Y/n said with a shrug, sinking deeper into the couch. “Better sound. Cozier vibe. Feels more communal.”

 “Okay, you two keep on watching your…communal TV” Alexia rolled her eyes, but her smile was fond. “Text me if any of you need anything.”

She let her smile linger and nodded, but as the call ended, the tension in her shoulders didn’t.

There was a small, guilty part of her that hoped if she played it light enough–joking and teasing and casual–Alexia might not press further.

That maybe, just maybe, acting normal would keep things from Alexia noticing how much in pain she was.

And Y/n wasn’t ready for that.

Notes: Please tell me if you guys liked it <3

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Part 5 here