#and to think that euphoria comes next

[housemdork]

house md rewatch: 2x19, "house vs. god"

the term "functional vampire" rewired my brain, as did this entire episode.

this one completely upended my episode rankings. i think this may be my favorite episode of the show thus far. now i have to contend with that/balance it for my season review smh. fittingly, this has the potential to be my longest recap yet, so godspeed to you, soldiers!

i think i'll start with an odd exchange between wilson and house (before shit hits the fan) that i think encompasses 2x19's conflict.

predictably, house is absolutely enraged by the patient, boyd, claiming to be a faith healer. house hates the concepts of religion and faith on principle because he can't rationalize how someone can believe in something that they empirically cannot prove. he has a really odd way of explaining why this makes him so mad:

"you know, i'd get it if people were just looking for a way to fill the holes. but they want the holes. they want to live in the holes. and they go nuts when someone else pours dirt in their holes."

house's irritation stems from the way he thinks people cling to uncertainty. rather than attempt to solve it, they attribute that uncertainty to a higher power and get upset when someone - like house - attempts to disrupt that. in house's worldview, however, his very profession necessitates a rejection of that uncertainty. the more boyd pushes back on this, the more frustrated he gets.

i start with this bit first because everyone in 2x19 is subject to uncertainty, and he's no exception. at the end of the episode, when the case is all said and done (much more on that later), boyd comes to apologize to house (which pissed me off lol because boyd was 15 with a fever. house is just a cunt). he says the following, very prophet-like: "you're lucky. you go through life with a certainty that what you're doing is right. i know how comforting that is. good luck."

not only is "luck" a concept that is probably foreign to boyd, but this draws a very uncomfortable attention to house's inevitable fallibility, which we just saw some of in 2x17. house, try as he might, cannot be certain, especially because the solution to boyd's case was such a fluke, and wilson was the one who prompted the answer, anyways. house does so much to preserve, if nothing else, his intellect, but some small piece of him is aware of its imperfections. he's trying to get out of his hole, but it's not as easy as he claims:

wilson, meanwhile, attempts to control the uncertain, rather than deny it outright like house. when we first meet grace, wilson is trying to convince her to keep undergoing treatments, or at least palliative care, for her terminal diagnosis; they both know that she has a limited amount of time, but if he becomes EXTREMELY involved with her, by his logic, he can have a hand in solving/mitigating that uncertainty. that's the plain jane version, at least...much more to come.

meanwhile, and much more subtly, 2x19 posits chase as the middle ground between these 2 modes of handling uncertainty. he just...lives with it. whether or not this is a remnant of his upbringing or not, i found his respect and intrigue regarding boyd's faith to be really fascinating. when house first learns that boyd is a faith healer, chase interrupts to say: "a lot of people experience their religion as something more than symbolic." this then goes on to have massive, very palpable ramifications, reaffirmed by the last tally marks he put on the house vs. god whiteboard.

i really like the contrast this has with cameron's quick treatise on religiosity, or a lack thereof, when giving the MRI with foreman. whereas chase can exist within the uncertainty, can understand the draw of The Holes house hates so much, cameron rejects it altogether, saying that it is beyond our comprehension and thus should be beyond our concern. given that she's so involved with the here-and-now, so overextended into the lives of her patients, this tracks, at least to me.

another big marker of uncertainty's impact (and certainty's impossibility) occurs via house's poker game. he keeps wilson out because he knows that wilson, of all people, can not only read him, but has a lie brewing that house can't decipher without external help (a message from "god," maybe?). and when that lie gets revealed, wilson is right: "you're mad because i lied to you and you couldn't tell...that's why you didn't want me in your poker game, because when it comes to being in control, gregory house leaves our faith healer kid in the dust...if the universe operates by abstract rules, you can learn them and protect yourself."

this is just one of the ways poker functions in 2x19 - a site for uncertainty to flourish. i think it's weird that there are 2 poker-themed episodes so close together, but i think the premise functions even better in "house vs. god" than in "all in." blasphemy, i know.

with all that being said, house's diagnosis of wilson as a "functional vampire" actually encompasses a lot of the ways the characters encounter/handle (however subliminally) the uncertainty between faith and unbelief. it's also how they legitimate and self-actualize - their actions yield an action or phenomenon that they benefit from in return. it's another example of house implicating himself in his tirades against wilson's bullshit, and i eat it up every time. let's make a list:

boyd and house are united by their need to "heal." i'll say this till i'm blue in the face - house has remained a medical doctor because he cares about people, and the rush he gets from solving a case is baked into that face. boyd, meanwhile, gets the satisfaction of loving people and feeling like god's chosen. ironically, however, boyd is more cognizant of their similarity than house is. his parting words about luck imply that he's even reconsidering this calling, while house remains victim to its absolutism - he can't conceptualize any other version of life.

house's trademark neediness, which he admits to, also qualifies him as something of a vampire. taking and taking from wilson emotionally fulfills his sense of self and a need for wilson (that we haven't really addressed yet) is a lot like wilson's vampirism, just in the reverse. this episode is sooo "vampire empire" by big thief-coded.

wilson's functional vampirism is the best way his need of neediness has been conceptualized yet. whereas an "ordinary" person would get burnt out by his work in oncology, it provides him with an endless stream of needy individuals. it's kind work tainted by an insane degree of selfishness. specifically regarding grace, wilson needs to be the one to help grace rather than anything extraneous; that's why he's especially upset with house and co. when he sees that boyd has been "helping" grace. i don't think his concern over false hope is untrue, necessarily, but that's definitely not the sole operating factor here.

the boyd and house parallels regarding their own vampirisms actually transfers to boyd and wilson by the end of 2x19, however subtly. their bodily sins (both to do with sex) are both represented and disguised by their need to help people. they both get some reward from helping grace - boyd reinvigorates his faith and wilson fills the gaping black void of neediness in his heart (plus sex. he's such a villain here).

next. did you guys know that there are gay people in our doctor show? 2x19 is bursting with a lot of subtextual queerness not limited to strictly comphet wilson or hilson or house's bisexuality but a wonderful combination of all 3, and then some.

comphet wilson is here, and at his most troubling. i mentioned in an earlier recap that wilson's love language (to use a dated term/concept) is very clearly acts of service. he describes to house how he ended up moving in with grace after helping her with groceries, transportation, etc. while still being overly involved and unprofessional, these are objectively kind actions. so, like always, wilson has to ruin it by injecting sex into the mix.

at this point, it really seems like wilson truly can't conceptualize any sort of relationship between a man and woman - professional, platonic, romantic, etc. - that doesn't end in sex. maybe he's spiraling a bit post-julie, but it also reads as a frantic attempt to control the uncertain both within 2x19 and beyond. what lies beyond the heterosexual is uncertain, if not incomprehensible, to wilson, and his catch-all for relationships is working again after he failed to satisfy julie. it's double-sad, really.

meanwhile, the house/wilson synergy doesn't just implicate wilson in this scenario; house's innate queerness comes part and parcel with his reliance on wilson. i'll make a much longer post (more likely a formal, thesis-driven article, actually) on this at some point, but all the ways that house deviates from the textbook Normal that exists in house md may be read as markers for house's queer identity. i sure read them that way. one of his most maladaptive traits is his misanthropy; at ground zero, his disability unfairly isolated him from the life he once knew. 2x07's comparisons between the gay patient, kalvin, and house reaffirm this.

so it bears underscoring that the only offered solution to house's neediness and isolation atp is wilson specifically. his neediness is compatible solely with the man who can never be fully satisfied in his (sexual) devotion to women. this is not heteronormative in any way (sorry to keep abusing that word). remind me of this seed of a thought when we get to the blood donor/recipient conversation because then they literally start invoking penetration when having this exact same conversation lol.

lastly, i think it's pertinent that are 2 major scenes that associate masculinity, sex, and shame in moments of exposure: the poker game itself and when boyd reveals his rash, his sign of herpes encephalitis. in both cases, the setting is dominated by men (isn't most of house md? lol) with prying, diagnosing eyes. house, wilson, chase, and foreman are quite literally looking to diagnose boyd, but boyd's father is trying to discern boyd's character, to determine where things have gone wrong regarding his faith.

the physical act of revealing the rash is almost like a humiliation rite for boyd; they demand that he take off is clothes and the rash is just below his waist. boyd, and boyd's persona, come crashing down in this moment, as he's failed to live up to the standard imposed by himself and his faith community around him by having sex.

the poker game, meanwhile, moves this dynamic away from physical humiliation and into mental/emotional strife. it's also highly ritualized (a theme in house and wilson's relationship throughout the show - games!). wilson is put under the same diagnostic microscope, except these ill-informed strangers, whom house doesn't even give names, are trying to discern the details of why wilson is screwed up.

once again, another persona collapses under the weight of these masculine gazes bent on exposing the respective scenes' primary subject, thus engendering sex and gender-based humiliation. insert something about how "all will be revealed in god's eyes" here, idk.

following all of this, wilson somehow makes a somewhat redeeming statement (he is NOT absolved. i'm glad he lets grace go on her merry way to her trip in florence, and i hope that she wasn't too in-shambles over him). after deliberating on the legitimacy of house's "victory" over god, wilson declares that, "it is possible to believe in something and still fail to live up to it."

on an immediate level, this implicates the image that boyd wanted to maintain, one of purity and healing and godly influence. in wilson's case, this is to do with his own kind, nonmanipulative oncologist (and heterosexual) persona.

but writ large, this applies to every character. cameron will always be living up to her impossible convictions, believing in them strongly despite circumstances like those in 2x18; chase will continue to try to live up to his idea of what house requires of him; foreman will try to live up to the idea that he's nobly above the rest of the team, struggling against that which makes him similar to house; cuddy will try to live up (and succeed, dammit!) to the astronomically tough expectations and standards demanded of her stature. the list goes on and on. maybe those standards are everyone's metaphorical "holes," and this episode does an excellent job exhuming how house md characters live inside of them.

this mammoth-sized recap is to say nothing about the second gag-off that these 2 have on the street, or not the real nitty-gritty of it at least (i love how house always gets SO CLOSE to winning during their fights, but wilson pulls out a heavy-hitting read at the last second). nor do i really get into the larger narrative house md builds around atheism. i'll link what i've said about that in the past here. but overall, after i've sat down to write this, i'm confident that "house vs. god" is my favorite episode of the show thus far. the only one that could give this a run for its money upcoming is 2x24.

one last thing...

HE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THIS EPISODE. I CAN'T STAND IT. THEY DID IT ON PURPOSE. THEY SPECIFICALLY MADE HIM EXTRA GOOD LOOKING SO HIS VILLAINY WOULD HURT MORE.

[chaosmagetwin]

Waiting Dreams

(This is part 5)

(Here is part 4. Links to the previous parts there)

It always takes a while for the soulbind to kick in. A lost weapon, or armor, always comes back after a few hours. It was intended to keep players from losing their progression if they caught death for a few months. Or from being soft locked if they were captured, or had their gear temporarily stolen. After all, it was fine to steal someone's gear in the moment, during a heated push. But never permanently. There were some players who made an effort to use other people's gear as often as possible. Usually Central mercs, with a build focused on unlocking as much gear as possible.

Which meant wandering the small town with Al'alvaeia, stopping between homes and checking down streets and feeling my heart pulse with fear was made all the stronger by my lack of weapons. It seemed, unfortunately, that we had lost the town for the most part; I saw purple uniforms every few streets. I could still hear gunfire from the edge of town on the side we'd come from. We'd even run into a tank that had shot at us when Al had walked out of shadow into the street. It'd been a near miss, and losing the pursuing soldiers had been a difficult thing. Al was fortunate I had camoflage, even if sharing it sometimes took direct contact. If I'd been a wizard like he'd thought, neither of us would have survived.

"So, Illeri..." Al spoke while we rested in a house, listening to an armored car trundle past us, probably a street away. We were both seated against the wall, the window between us. "Your kid sibling... brother? Sister? Other?"

"Sister, if I recall correctly." I took a sip of water from his canteen, and tried to imagine what they would look like. "It's been a long time... I was in basic for a while." Technically, the game could assign anything. If it were listening, then, perhaps it'd adjust. I hadn't met her as a character yet... only given her an age, and some personality.

"How do you think she's doing?" His green eyed gaze met mine, and I tried to put some pain into my gaze. He looked away again. "S-sorry, I don't... mean to pry."

"No, it's... fine. I told you about her, after all. I... hope she's okay. I don't know. I worry that something's happened. She doesn't respond to my letters, and she was pissed when I got drafted." I thought back to the lore I'd written up, typing away in that off-brand writing program I'd rented. I had history, and some personality. But every character developed their own voice, their own wants and needs.

"Why's that?" He took the canteen back, and flinched as our hands brushed against each other.

"I mean, she thought I should hide when the soldiers came. It's not exactly like I got shanghai'd or something. They just... handed me a letter. She thought I should've hidden. She didn't understand that they would've just gotten me at the store, or something... but it doesn't matter. Once I was drafted, well, that was it."

"... I'm sorry. That's dreadful. I wish this war wasn't like this. I became a doctor to help people, but now it just feels like I'm prolonging the inevitable. I... you know, vows of nonviolence only matter if... you can't bring someone back. But I can." She raised an eyebrow at him, and he looked away, ashamed for some reason. "And then it suddenly doesn't feel like it matters. Because they'll just shoot at me again."

"And yet, if we don't defend the nation, all our people will die. Our towns and cities, replaced. The war is like this. If I don't fight, my sister will just be another body on the pile. And then what?" Illeri shuddered in horror, and I tried to remember I wasn't her for a moment. Too much. I needed to back off. Just a game. "What about you, what was your youth like?"

"It was war. A refugee, from a defeated nation. I'd been... training to become a doctor, and my parents were too old to join. I was given the choice, to be a medic and give them a place to live, to stay... or to be outcast. I haven't been home in a long time." We both knew what he really meant; was there really a difference between a smog-choked city teeming with hundreds of millions, and a figurative home? One still couldn't see their parents, talk to their girlfriend, or attend a class. The escapism only worked one way.

We both stared at the ground between us, struggling to find the words that connected us, that would finish this conversation and stop the pain, anything. "I hope we get to go home some day," I said finally. He nodded, and pulled his legs to his chest, almost in a sitting fetal position, his eyes locking onto the ground in front of him. My heart panged; this wasn't doing us any good. "Doctor, we should get moving again. I'd feel a lot better finding even one person to help us."

I watched him stand, stretching his joints out, and I followed suit. "It's frustrating that all we've found so far is purples. We got pushed really far back. Maybe they're hiding the bodies, but... where?"

I shrugged, thinking it through for a moment. "If I were worried that they'd revive behind lines, then... basements, maybe? I can't see them taking the bodies far; it's time better spent fighting. I don't know, they just lost the trench fight, and got pushed back. I imagine they don't want to get back into trench right now, so, maybe there's some sort of protocol in place to stack and burn?"

"Hmm. If it were the other away around, we'd just leave them on the streets. Too busy pushing forward, keeping momentum." I shook my head at that.

"Nah. Even if we were keeping momentum, I think we'd probably just push them into alleyways or something. What's really weird is that if the purples are winning, why aren't they picking up their own dead?"

"Shouldn't it be for the same reason, then? Too busy pushing. Maybe we're just really unlucky?"

"Well, there's always the chance the entire battlefield was already lost, and the losing dead got sent back." He chuckled, and shook his head with a half smirk. "Well, we are still here, aren't we? Alright, they gotta be somewhere."

-

"There! Finally, some blues." Al said, relief in his voice. I nodded, and let out a sigh of relief. We wouldn't be going back to trench today. Not today. If we could just keep playing safe... those gunshots were getting fewer and fewer.

"Looks like they and some purples got caught in a fight. Look at the way some blood leads away, and the casings on the ground there, next to the pillars." I pointed it out from our vantage point on the second floor, looking down into the courtyard. "The fight wasn't done yet. No one had time for clean up here. You can see some of the blood spatter is from bullets, and some is from melee."

"Err.... how do you tell?" Al was looking at me in surprise, and I shrugged, trying to play it nonchalant.

"Well, bullet's make a sort of shotspray pattern, see. Behind that body there, you see, it's like a cone. But the other one, that one," I took his arm and pointed it to both who had fallen, and felt both our heart beats quicken for a moment. "It's in an arc, like it got slung. Melee, like a sword, or knife. Also, you can see the dead purple next to them has a sword." I looked back at him, and saw his face redden a little and quickly let go of his arm. "S-sorry."

"No! No, it's fine, I just, it, you just, uh, caught me off guard. Sorry. You're very knowledgeable." Great. Now we were both stammering. Great to know we were both bottoms. Damn hormones, fuck off...You're supposed to be under better control than this.

I shook my head and took a step away as I felt my face heat up. I had to be bright red. What was I, stupid? "We should get down there, and get some people up. People with stealth, or who can revive if we can."

"Y-yeah. Uh. Let's go." He was already heading down the stairs and I let out a sigh of... relief, maybe. I put a hand against my belly and glared down at it, annoyed with the way it was twisting. I followed a moment later.

By the time I was down the stairs, he was already in the courtyard, hiding next to a pillar, and squatting next to a blue. I checked the angles before following, and eyed the bodies. I didn't recognize any of the blues.

Fred, however, stared back at me from her purple leathers, and for a moment, I just stared. I glanced at the next body, next to the blue who had been killed in melee; Jini, face down, but her cat ears and tail were visible. The purple who'd been shot, next to a suspicious amount of dirt; Deirdre's black halo was crumbled on the ground next to her head.

I looked over at Al. Still blue. He was in the middle of charging his medical equipment that would revive the other blue by hand cranking it. I went to stand by him. "We got really lucky! I know this one, a druid. She'll help us get more up, and we'll be back in business! I'm so glad I found you." He sounded relieved. He glanced up at me with a smile, and I watched it die as I slipped my knife under his chin. "Uhh!"

"Nice trick," I couldn't keep the cold ice out of my voice. "Getting me away from my gun. And dragging away any other dead bodies, right? What is it, an illusion?"

"... Mind trick." He said stiffly. "Damnit. I thought I'd have more time."

"Yeah. Yeah, I bet you did. Real cute. Stand up, love." He complied, slowly. "You're going to revive my commander, so I can get orders and know what to do with you. So. You knew I was a thief." I lead him over to Deirdre and motioned. "How'd you find out?"

"I was part of the crew that ambushed you. When it was clear we were losing the fight, I hid. Your team really did leave you, though. For hours. I didn't drag anyone away. Come on, I've stuck by you this entire time, you know me! And! Your side is losing!"

"Is it? Gods, you must think I'm stupid. Get to reviving her, please."

"This vestigial is your commander?" I nodded. "What's her class? I'll make a trade with you. I revive your commander if she can't revive anyone, and you let me go. We don't have to kill each other. Please. I don't want to fight you."

"She's a thief into spell thief line. Don't know if she can revive or not, I guess it depends on whether she stole the spell or not." Al'alvaeia hesitated. "Either that or we fight. Your choice."

"All you have is a knife...."

"And I have it pressed against your carotid. Elven anatomy is nearly identical to human, although some of it is a little harder to reach, since it's smaller. Want to find out?" He sighed, and knelt next to Deirdre.

"Fine. But then you let me go."

"Also, drop the mind trick. It's annoying me to see you in blue." I watched as the hues shifted in his clothes, darkening into purple. Worse, my sense of direction suddenly righted. The feeling of north and south flipped. The distant mountain suddenly felt like the iron mine I'd been protecting with trenches. It all suddenly felt so obvious. "Gods, what a trick. You really had me going."

"... I don't like killing. I didn't lie." He was cranking the machine again, but the changes weren't done; his sharp ears were rounding, his features thickened. "I was going to offer you a chance to desert. If you work with the enemy, you can do that. You just... have to get them into the colors. I was going to get your uniform dirty, and then...."

I snorted a laugh, frustrated with myself. "How many people have you gotten like this?"

"... Seven. You act like a sopping wet kitten enough, and touch their hand, and blush a little... it usually works. Even if they find out." I felt my free hand clench. "People can't help but be a little down bad for elves..." he muttered. "I know it was working on you."

"How long of a game does it run for? How long until you make the reveal. Or do you?" My hand hurt from clenching my knife. He had to be stupid. Did he really think his elven form was more attractive to me? If he'd been a human, I wouldn't have even suspected! But, then... I hadn't suspected anyways. Not a hint. And who would?

".... I don't. I... Usually my plan is to sleep with people. Get their clothes off, and..."

"You are horrific!" I said brightly, smiling at him. "You really epitomize this war well. Good job. Now stop talking." The anger was white-hot. Incandescent. Everything was calculated. His every word was a farce. I wanted to rip his eyes out and brand him the mark of Cain, the wrath of a goddess. I wish I could say it was Illeri's feelings, and not my own.

The machine dinged, and he placed it against Deirdre. "One last question, actually. What race are you, really? I feel dumb, I should've put this together a while ago."

".... Human. My class is Medic - Heretic - Soul Healer. I put a point into magic, and all of my levels have gone into magic, too. Second class, Awakened, then Dreaming Healer. I put a lot into psionics, mind tricks, and illusions."

"Yeah. High technology, and high magic. Nice little package. Built for this right from the start, hunh?" I spoke through gritted teeth, and forced myself to breathe. There was more to life than this. This was just how he decided to have fun. Could I really judge him for that?

"How do you even know I'm here right now? Maybe I already left, hunh?"

I felt my eye twitch in annoyance. "Just revive the commander, healer."

There was a snap as the machine pushed life into Deirdre, and her eyes flickered. Color returned to her skin. "Let me go. You promised. She doesn't need to be involved."

I don't keep promises with liars, and I didn't bother to respond beyond killing him.

Deirdre stared up at me groaning, and felt her face. "Ugh. How long have I been out?"

-

The fighting in the town was, predictably, winding down. Every fight that I thought we'd lost was actually the other way around. Every purple uniform had really been blue. It was obvious, if I had just paid attention. The purple's had been set up in a meat grinder way for this town. Always with an exit plan, unless they got ambushed. It had made fighting them annoying.

I learned all of this as Deirdre brought the rest of the squad back, and I tried to not beat myself up too much. She explained that we had gotten ambushed, and the fight had been one that was mostly harassment. I'd gone down in the first barrage from an unlucky hit. They hadn't had time to revive me, and had gotten pulled into a fight that had dragged them across the entire city, fighting more and more entrenched purples. Vehicles had been brought in for the first time just to try to clear it out with larger guns.

When victory was finally declared, we were still recuperating, resting next to the very tank that had shot at us... or rather, at Al'Alvaeia. Or whatever his name was. He had me under his thrall, but that didn't work with multiple people. I didn't bother to look at the stat screen, or the heroes or gambits of the day. I was too angry. I didn't want to risk learning his name.

No one seemed to notice anything important about me in this stat screen, at least. Thank god my mistakes weren't being highlighted. Perhaps the story was too small for "the history books" or whatever. Too personal. Too... human.

"Congratulations on reaching level 15, Illeri Shadesmith. You've been granted access to the following abilities; Light Melee Weapon Specialty, Enhanced Senses. You will need to choose a Light Melee Weapon to specialize in. (Combat Knife). Your technology level is three. You may requisition one of the following; Cloth Slippers, Leather Boots, Heavy Combat Boots, or Sabotons. You may requisition one of the following: Long Range Radio, Short Range Radio, Improved Gas Mask, Sampling Kit, Vehicle Repair Kit, Magic Detection Kit, Gear Maintenance Kit. You may change this requisition at any quartermaster, but only carry one at a time. Your magic level is three. You may requisition one of the following: Word Scroll, Spell Diagram(Dome), or Theory Tome. You may requisition one enchantment for all gear pieces(Arcane Cloth: Resist Pierce; Leather Boots: Hush; Pippytyr SMG: Recall Missed Bullets; Gunnhildr 104 Pistol; Hush; Combat Dagger: Haste; Gunnhildr Type 202 Bolt Action Rifle: Focus Sight (3x); Gas Mask: n/a; Gear Maintenance Kit: n/a) You may choose one ability: Share Stealth, Burn Mana, Water Proficiency, Melee Training, Ranged Training, Motionless Spells, Hidden Spells, Steal Ability, Steal Health."

"Warning; you are a level 15 Starved; you will now mutate. Choose, or one will be selected at random."

Three options flickered into my vision. I already knew what I wanted. But it couldn't hurt to look?

Gargoylian: Your technological limits increase by 2. Your willpower and strength is increased. You gain access to a new resource: Stillness. You may expend stillness to heal yourself. Your skin toughens, and becomes harder to piece; this passively stacks with armor, and is roughly equivalent to scale armor. Your ears become more sensitive to sound. The following changes will occur: Your horns will grow in the style of the Oni. You will grow vestigial wings in a painful process that lasts three days. If you have vestigial wings from another source, these will grow into fully fledged wings with poor maneuverability. Your skin will gray, akin to stone. Your tail will become more powerfully built. Warning: you must meditate completely still for at least two hours a day, in addition to sleep. You must eat stones to survive.

Blood Demon: Your limits do not change. Limits do not interfere with one another an additional tier higher. You gain access to a new resource: blood. Your mana pool increases. You may use your hit points or blood pool in place of mana to cast. You may increase the strength of your spells by expending blood or health. Your vision becomes more accustomed to the dark. You are sensitive to light changes, but may still operate in the light. The following changes will occur: Your horns will grow in the style of the Ram. Your pupils will become slit during the day. Your fingernails will lengthen, harden, and sharpen. Your teeth will fall out, and be replaced by fangs and sharks teeth. You will find vegetables repulsive, and meat alluring. You will develop a thirst for blood, which will increase as your blood pool lowers. Warning: You must drink blood to survive. Some find this to be greatly psychologically damaging.

Night Lord: Your magical limits increase by 2. Your spells are passively four times stronger in the dark, but fail to function in the direct light. You immediately gain access to any words, shapes, or types to cast invisibility. Your mana recharges faster at night. Your mana pool increases. Your vision becomes more accustomed to the dark. You are sensitive to the light, and are light blind. The following changes will occur: your horns will grow in the style of The Devil's Crown. Your pupils will become shaped like that of a goat, and your eyes will increase in size by 12.5%. Your horns and eyes emit faint light. Your feet will become replaced by hooves in a painful process, and your lower half will grow fur. Warning: You must rest in complete darkness. You cannot sleep if there is any light source besides yourself.

What was a little blood thirst among friends, after all?

[justwinginglife]

The LADS Men React To You Saying You Can't Have S*X Because Of Mismatching Underwear

NSFW WARNING

Sylus

Sylus knows in an instant that you’re messing with him but he plays along, a sly smirk sitting pretty on his lips. “Oh NO- your underwear set doesn’t match? Whatever shall we do?” After clicking a few buttons on his phone, he stands to grab his car keys (one out of many).

“Wait! What are you doing, where are you going?” You ask, brows furrowing. The sudden change in the atmosphere has you feeling like, at any moment, you might get whiplash. One minute, he’s kissing up your neck, squeezing at your thighs, grinding his raging erection into your crotch, and the next, he’s throwing on his jacket, zipping his pants back up, and getting ready to leave. 

“You mean where are we going, kitten.” He speaks like it’s only obvious. 

Your eyes narrow in suspicion. “Why are we leaving? I thought you just wanted to have sex not two seconds ago.”

“Of course, dearest, but we can’t have sex if you’re feeling embarrassed, now can we? So I thought I’d just buy the nearest lingerie store and we could go pick out whatever you like.” 

You choke on your spit. “You did WHAT?”

“I said I bought the store. So let’s go.” His eyes are daring you to continue with your little charade.

“Well I…I kinda wanted to stay home tonight.” You say weakly. You know you’re making a pathetic case for yourself, but he’s really not allowing you the wiggle room to be more convincing.

“Then allow me to have all of their stock delivered to the house. Unless… you think that the mismatching underwear is no longer an issue?” 

Oh, this son of a bitch. “You… you really don’t have to do all of this just for me.” You say with an awkward laugh. He knows you’re all out of moves and you’re just pivoting at this point. He knows and he has the audacity to be amused. 

“Oh, but I did, kitten. I wouldn’t want to overlook this very important issue. What’s important to you is important to me.”

“It’s, uh, not actually that important…” You confess meekly. 

“Say that again, sweetie?” He cranes his head to hear you better but you know damn well he can hear you just fine.

You glare at him. “I said it’s fine.”

He chuckles, sweet satisfaction clear on his face. “So then. Does this mean we can pick up where we left off?”

Caleb

You’ve been teasing Caleb all day. 

Dancing into his field of view with that low neckline of yours, wearing a dress that’s so short, it’s a wonder it’s covering anything at all. Touching him here and there, your fingers grazing his skin with a feather-light touch, trailing up his biceps, or down his back, before flitting away like you’d never been there in the first place.

So, of course, after hours of edging him towards an excruciating erection, his self control still intact (though holding on by mere splintered pieces), you decide to reward his good behavior. You straddle him on the couch, and slowly begin to slide your hips back and forth, dragging your clothed cunt across the admittedly-impressive bulge in his pants.

He swears he’s seeing heaven, when you finally allow his aching cock some much needed friction. He’s not proud to say that a little dry humping is all it takes to get him coming into his pants, but he’s sure you’ll continue to show him such endless bliss as the night goes on that he won’t even remember how many times he’s come, let alone that the first time was in his underwear. His head dips forward, steadying itself on your shoulder as he allows the wave of euphoria to wash over him. 

But the second the wave has come and gone, his arousal is already flaring back up in his gut, ready for round two, round ten, round however much you want. All he can think about is how perfect it’ll be when he finally sinks himself inside you, your wet heat enveloping him until all he can feel is you. He doesn’t even think that maybe you’re more devious than he gave you credit for.

After he’s come, you retreat almost immediately, pulling yourself off of him.

He whines pathetically and he fumbles as he attempts to grab hold of you.

“Baby, we can’t tonight.” You say, innocent as ever.

He tries to keep the disappointment from his voice, tries to restrain his very evident need for you, but desperation is quickly rising within him. “Why not?” 

You try to keep the smirk from your lips. “It’s just…I’m not…”

“You’re not what, love? Not feeling well? Not in the mood?” He hopes you don’t notice how badly he just wants you to spit it out. 

“I’m not wearing matching undergarments tonight. So we can’t.” And there it is. The goal you’ve had all night. The little trick you couldn’t wait to play on him. You’re thrilled to see how he’ll react.

His eyes darken in an instant. “Oh, you little minx. You know what you’re doing to me, don’t you?” His tone has dropped to a low growl. 

“I haven’t the slightest idea.” You say, feigned ignorance dripping from your lips. 

He gives a short laugh. “Sure you don’t. Well, if your mismatching underwear is the only issue-” He begins to kiss down your neck harshly, not bothering to take care where he leaves his marks, “-I’ve got just the solution.” His fingers find your dress’s zipper with expert precision and before you can even process that he’s taken ahold of it, the dress is already laying in a pile on the ground. Along with your bra and panties. 

“There. All better. Now your underwear matches- they’re both on the damn floor.” 

Rafayel

You’re starting to think that you lie just a little too well.

You had only meant to tease Rafayel when you had told him that the reason you couldn’t have sex tonight was because you were embarrassed that your bra didn’t match your underwear, but you didn’t expect him to take you completely seriously. What was even more unexpected was that he would go on to give you an entire art lecture in the process.

“Take Picasso, for instance. Brilliant artist. One of a kind. You know him, of course you do, everybody knows him. His work is asymmetrical, and yet you don’t see anybody telling him that his work isn’t beautiful because it doesn’t match.”

“Raf-”

“And take my work. My work isn’t always symmetrical either, but would you tell me that I’m anything less than a true genius? No, because I am. See?”

“That’s besides the point-“

“The point, cutie, is that you’re gorgeous no matter what you’re wearing. It’s okay that you didn’t plan a matching outfit today. Some of nature’s most stunning scenes are spontaneous. You wouldn’t complain to the sunset that its pink doesn’t match its orange, would you?”

“No, but I-”

“Exactly. So it doesn’t matter to me if you’re wearing mismatching underwear; you could be wearing a trash bag and I’d still want you. Do you understand now, cutie?”

“Raf, baby, there’s nothing to understand, I was just jo-“

“Okay, if you don’t understand, let me put it in simpler terms for you. I’m hard for you regardless. That make sense now?”

When he puts it that bluntly, you really want to jump his bones. At this point, you figure you might as well. It’s useless to try and explain to him that you were only joking- not after he’s given you such a lengthy (though thoughtful) monologue. Though he’s a bit dense today, he’s still the same sweet Rafayel you fell in love with. So you think you’ll reward him for his kindness.

“You know what, baby? You made me feel so much better, thank you. I think, to show you just how much better I feel-” You strip yourself naked for him and his jaw drops, his eyes hungrily raking over your bare form, “-I’ll even let you come inside me tonight. What do you think?” You purr seductively.

You really didn’t have to try so hard to seduce him.

He’s already dropped his pants and begun stumbling towards you, rapidly hardening cock in hand.

Xavier

You’re in the middle of a very heated makeout session with Xavier when you decide to pick on him a little. You can tell where this is going, but you want to drag it out a little longer.

“Xav-” You whine breathlessly. “I think we should,” You return another one of his hungry kisses, “Probably stop for the night.” 

He pulls back to examine you. He can’t tell if you’re messing with him or if you’re genuinely not in the mood. Of course, if you want to stop, he’ll stop. He can just fuck his hand later; he’s not so selfish that he’d make you do something you don’t want to do. But just in case he did something wrong, he decides to ask. “Any particular reason you want to stop?”

“It’s just…” You bite your lip, hoping it makes you appear timid, when really you’re trying not to grin. “My bra and my underwear don’t match. I’m a little embarrassed to show you.”

He lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Oh, is that all? Feel free to change them then. I won’t look.” Before you can even respond that it’s a joke, he’s turned his back to you to give you your privacy.

You shake your head, smiling softly at his back. You didn’t expect him to be so sweet. You may as well strip naked while he’s allowing you the time; you had planned to have sex with him anyway. 

What the both of you don’t realize is that your bedroom’s full length mirror is angled just right so that he can still see you even when you’re behind him. He looks up only to get a perfect view of you undressing. When he realizes he’s seeing something he’s not supposed to, he starts to look away. But then he catches a glimpse of your mismatching underwear. Cherries decorate the soft material of your panties, while your bra is littered with little bows all the way around. Heat surges through his groin and he realizes that for some reason, this combination of mismatching underwear is doing something to him. 

You finish pulling your shirt off all the way and reach back to unhook your bra. “You know, I appreciate you being so understanding, my love, but I have to admit- I was completely kidding about not wanting to have sex just because my underwear didn’t match.” 

In an instant -you honestly don’t remember him even having the time to turn all the way around- he’s at your side, gripping your wrist tight and locking you in place. “That’s a relief. Now you don’t have to take off any more.”

You raise a curious brow at him. “What do you mean? Didn’t you want to have sex? I kinda have to take my underwear off for that.”

“No. You don’t.” His tone is low and thick with lust. “The undergarments stay on.” Before you know it, you’re pinned down to the bed.

You don’t know if it’s his teleportation ability or just his pure, unadulterated need, but he seems to be moving rather hastily today. You’ve barely even had time to blink before he’s slipping his cock under your bra, fucking your cleavage while it holds his cock in place. 

Something about you, the girl who always settles for function over fashion, wearing the cutsiest, girliest underwear he’s ever seen makes him harder than he’s ever been before and he’s not stopping until he’s staining this particular set in his cum. 

Zayne

“So we don’t strip naked then. That doesn’t mean I can’t still make you feel good.”

When you originally decided to play this joke on Zayne, telling him that you were feeling just a little too shy today to reveal to him your mismatching underwear, you thought he would see right through your little act. This is the man who has known you almost your entire life, after all.

But after you’d come so many times IN YOUR GODDAMN UNDERWEAR ALONE, all because he had insisted on tending to your needs even with your clothes on, after your clenching walls began to feel rather bruised, your clit increasingly more and more overstimulated with each passing second, as he fingered you through the (soaked) fabric of your clothes yet again, you were starting to regret this decision to mess with him. 

You tried to confess so many times, to tell him you’d been lying, to beg him for his cock instead, but it was almost like he knew what you were trying to say, because he’d kiss you so deeply until you were so dizzy from lack of breath that you forgot what you wanted to say, and then he’d dry hump you until you forgot how to even breathe in the first place. 

When you finally stutter out a pathetic, “P-please Z-Zayne…can’t t-take it anymore. Wanna f-fuck you,” Your hips thrusting desperately against the unsatisfying, thin air, he grins.

In that moment, you realize he’s known you’ve been lying all along. 

He leans over to you and you think he might kiss you. That, or scold you. But either result turns you on, so you hold your breath, waiting for him to respond.

He merely peers down your shirt before tugging your pants down slightly to confirm something. “So your underwear does, in fact, match. What an interesting development. Now then…how should I punish you for such dishonest behavior?”

Taglist: @pixelcafe-network @tbaluver @minasfwoopyponytail @ouiouimochi

[roturo]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ OH! SO YOU'RE INTO OLDER MEN?

˚₊·➳❥ JJK MEN SHOWING YOU HOW A REAL MEN FUCKS! satoru gojo, suguru geto, kento nanami, toji fushiguro ✧˚ · .

tags: afab!reader, reader is mentioned as a female, use of nicknames (baby, princess, doll, slut, whore), cheating, degradation, caught cheating, getting caught, unprotected sex, blowjob, pussy slapping, mating press, breeding, age-gaps, virginity loss [...] rbs are appreciated!

satoru gojo (Daddy’s girl)

well, that’s the word he used for the little girl you're babysitting right now. he’s a great dad and husband. there’s just this tiny whiny little thing he couldn’t do right– and that’s loving his wife as he should.

like– it’s not that he doesn’t feel guilty, it’s just… well, you looked really cute in that mini dress, he and his wife have been fighting lately anddd– he could tell his daughter liked you more than her fatality of mother she has these days. she even called you mommy by accident once! and that was the last water drop gojo needed for the glass to break.

“Oh- I bet you’d love to be full of me right now.” His thrusts became messier each time he pounded on you, “Mhh, fill you up ‘n make me a daddy again– you’d like that princess?” you couldn’t even talk anymore with how good he’s making you feel– he had your legs pressed on the bed thanks to his arms, almost bending you in half, he was making sure that mating press works.

“Ffffuckk- You feel s’good baby” He felt your walls clenching again, no matter how many times he made you come, he’s making sure you’re coming again after he does. A not ending cycle for him. “Such a slut for me hm? Coming all nice and pretty to this house just to be ruined at night–” his words made you feel dirty, but the euphoria of it was stronger, “such” slap, “a nasty” slap, “slut” slap– “and all f’me” with those last thrusts your body couldn’t take it anymore, spasming and trembling while your poor hole was filled up again. gojo’s wife didn’t even bothered to break your little encounter, she suspected it long time ago.

all that was left was a wide grinning gojo satoru and some divorce papers.

suguru geto (Daddy’s best-friend)

you didn’t intend this to happen… you always knew your dad’s best-friend was hot. he’s geto, ‘cmon. he brings a new girl every weekend whispering in your dad’s ear swearing she’s the one this time.

he saw you grow up, turn into this beautiful and strong woman. so how he couldn’t love you? you were like a doll for him, so beautiful and radiant in every way. a porcelain doll he needed to protect, he couldn’t lose you to any dangerous or stupid man, he swears he would beat the shit out of the guy who breaks your heart first.

“Shhiiiitt– Heh– I can tell how tight your pussy is princess–” His cock was stretching the living shit out of you, touching places never in a thousand years you could imagine you would feel. “what d’ya think daddy would say if he saw his little girl being fucked by his best-friend huh?” your brain was a fuzzy mess, you couldn’t make coherent words to say, and just feel how good geto is making you feel. you couldn’t remember how many times he had made you cum with his toungue and he’s just starting to fuck your pussy.

“ ‘m such a lucky guy if i'm the first you’re giving this pussy to, don’t ya think so doll? marking it as mine, baby I swear you’ll need no man to ever fuck this pussy of yours again– shit I won’t need another woman for myself, you’re the one baby” those words filled your heart of a tingly feeling, making more butterflies roam around your tummy, touching yourself you could sense geto’s cock coming and leaving with every thrust, your brain full of air and in need of more of his cock.

he couldn’t resist himself anymore when he was next to you, his cock would get hard the minute he enters your house, and thankfully he has a pretty doll to release himself with.

kento nanami (Big Boss)

Nanami thinks he’s a good and mature guy– At least for his wife and kids… He has this aura of a serious and mature guy but inside every time he’s just this close to breaking it, just to say what he really thinks or feels.

the first time he saw you at work with your tiny skirts and tight blouses he didn’t mind any type of attention to it, you were another cute worker, that’s all. One of another– he can think other women are pretty too right? maybe even prettier than his wife… and nicer, and cuter, and more homely feeling to be a mom. but he wouldn't do anything he would later regret right?...

“You’re s’pretty baby, such a dirty whore for my cock mhm?” he had you pounding from behind, his desk becoming even messier than it was before, one of his hands keeping you laid down on the desk arching your back like if he’s trying to break it– a sudden ringing brought you back from your unconsciousness of nanami’s cock– he answered the call, not a single sing of him trying to stop thrusting into you.

“Yeah?” his voice was out of breath, almost sounding like a sigh when he answered the call, “Where am I? Huh– I’m at the office r-right now…?” he wasn’t even sure if he could keep this act, losing himself more in the feeling of your pussy clenching on his cock– “Oh yeah- I’m okay, uhh- the kids? yyeah, yeah, they’re with my mom right now–” the feeling of keeping up a call with his wife while fucking you made his cock twitch inside of you, feeling like a teenager kissing their crush for the first time. it was no surprise for him that his wife was cheating, but he wanted to keep it like that for the sanity of his kids. 

“Quit the act Kento– I know you’re fucking somebody else right now. See ya at home.”

toji fushiguro (Step-Daddy)

you hated when your mother started dating new guys. they just kept breaking her heart– but you just stopped telling her that it's okay to live without a partner, that she had you by her side, but well… this new man was something else i guess and you didn’t say anything for the sake of your own good mother.

you didn’t like him, but for the sake of your mother you pretended like you do– and let’s be honest, toji doesn’t like children, so when he first met you he wasn’t as social as others… your mom was just too good to simply let go– but the way you moved, talked, dressed caught his attention, and as time passes and he spends more time with your mom– he's no longer drawn to your house just to see your mother, but to see you. 

“Sshhiit- You’re making me feel s’good baby” the lack of air was making you feel giddy, but the way his cock twitched inside your mouth made your core get even wetter. “C’mon baby, ride my shoe,” you wasted no time before your hips started moving, trying to gain some friction and release that tingly feeling coming from your core. 

“D’ya think your mother would like to see her daughter being full of his step-daddy’s cum?” he gets one of his arms behind himself trying to gain some support while his other free hand caresses your cheeks while you continue sucking– this same hand moves out your head and frees his cock out of your mouth, a small strand of saliva connecting your mouth with it–

“Fuck– guess i choose the wrong out of you two”

[okaylikeschaewon]

Chairs

~5k words, Roommates series

Finding an empty room to study in really shouldn’t be very difficult in a university of all places, yet here you were, roaming the hallways like a buffoon trying to find an alternative to the usual lounges you had been frequenting for the first few weeks of the semester.

In an attempt to avoid interrupting another class again, sparing yourself from the embarrassment, you carefully placed your ear against a door and tried to listen for anyone inside - this would be a lot easier if the stupid little windows above the handles weren’t covered up. After giving it a few seconds and hearing nothing, you decided to try your luck.

Slowly, you opened the door and took a peek inside. Turns out it was an office, and seemingly one for a newer professor, or one who simply didn’t care to decorate, based on the lack of vanity items on the barren shelf. One detail, however, did stand out to you; Realistically you should have just left at this point, but that Herman Miller was whispering sweet nothings in your ear - you had to try it, just for a second.

After closing the door behind you and placing your bag down, you walked around the modest little desk to get a better look at the chair. It was pristine. In a room devoid of most expression, you still felt a gorgeous rush of euphoria as you took a seat. It was truly shocking how a luxurious office chair made such a difference in the entire atmosphere of the room.

No longer did you feel like you were in some bland, secondary thought of a room. You had lucked out, this was exactly the type of room you were looking for when you set out to find a quieter alternative to your usual spots. Then, your luck seemingly got even better when you noticed a little calendar on the desk in front of you. 

Not that you were trying to snoop or invade anyone’s private space, but you noticed whoever used this room had nothing scheduled for the day, and a bit of basic deduction skills led you to believe this was his day off - luckily the room was unlocked. Seemingly he was a philosophy professor who also taught communications?

Still, you should probably have left at this point. Yet… for some odd reason you were convincing yourself to do something that you shouldn’t. Was there really much harm in using an empty office to study? It’s not like you’d be making a mess or anything, and you’d be careful to not break anything. Surely no one would mind, it would only be for a couple of hours before your next class anyway.

That’s when you heard a knock.

Your heart skipped a beat. Immediately your mind began racing to think of an excuse, some reason you were in here. Wait, if it was the professor, why would he be knocking? Wouldn’t he just come in? Presumably if you didn’t respond, they would just leave, right? That made enough sense in your head to calm you down, but just as your heart rate began to slow, the door opened.

“Hello sir!”

“H-Hello,” you stammered as one of the most adorable girls you’ve ever seen walked into the room, closing the door behind her.

“I was going to send an email, but I figured I’d try your office first,” she continued nervously. “It’s about the last assignment.”

God she was cute. At this point you were supposed to tell her that she had the wrong person, but you just sat there like an idiot and listened.

“Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Yuna, I’m in your intro to philosophy class,” she stammered while fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. “I know you probably won’t recognize me, and I promise I’ll start showing up to class.”

“Showing up?” you mumbled under your breath, trying to make sense of what was going on.

“I promise I have a good reason,” she added before locking the door behind her - a detail you barely picked up on - and dropping her bag. She walked over to you, right past the desk, until she was right in front of you. “If I had known how cute you were, I never would have skipped in the first place.”

Cute? If this girl thought you were her professor, this was quickly becoming incredibly inappropriate. Yet, your dumbass was still just sitting there and letting it happen. Was this wrong? Probably. But you were stunned in a sense, almost like you were being forced to play the role.

“So, how can I help you?” you asked while trying to keep your eyes away from her body, a difficult task considering how little she attempted to hide her figure with that tight button up she wore.

“It’s less about what I want,” she replied before crouching down in front of you. “And more about what you want.”

“Holy shit,” you mumbled as your eyes inadvertently landed on the unbuttoned neckline of her shirt.

“Professor, I really need some help,” she whispered as she leaned forward. “I’m glad you’re willing to work with me, I was worried at first.”

“Yuna, wait,” you replied sternly, bringing your own hands to your crotch as she placed hers on your thighs. This was straight out of a poorly written porno and had to stop. “There’s a misunderstanding.”

“I can tell you won’t get me in trouble, right professor?” she ignored you entirely. “You think I’m pretty, don’t you?”

“What? No that’s not- I mean yes you’re very pretty but that’s not what-”

“Do you want me?”

“Yuna, please listen-”

“If you don’t,” she whispered, slowly moving your hands away. “Then just tell me to stop.”

“I can’t give you what you’re asking for because I’m not-”

“You don’t have to give me anything,” she interrupted you with a smile. “I’m just doing you a small favor, and then after you can decide what you want to give me.”

Fuck’s sake why was she so hot, it was hard to think straight.

“That’s right,” Yuna continued with a whisper as she began unbuckling your belt. She reached her soft fingers into your underwear and pulled out your cock, gripping the shaft gently. “You get to decide exactly what you want to give me, and I mean it when I say anything.”

“Yuna, I…” you moaned softly as she placed your tip into her mouth and began swirling her tongue against your hole. “Fuck.”

“That’s better,” Yuna smiled brightly up at you while pulling your pants down to your ankles. “This is just some no-strings attached fun, right professor?”

She leaned forward some more and began sucking on your balls while the hand she had around your shaft tightened its grip. With both balls in her mouth, pressing them around with her tongue, she began stroking your shaft gently.

“Oh professor, I didn’t know you were so fucking big,” she moaned after releasing your balls with a little pop.

“Maybe because you’ve never attended class,” you replied for some unknown reason, as if you were actually her professor. It just felt like the right thing to say. No, it was dumb, you should stop her. This was all wildly inappropriate and would probably get you expelled. Or was it? You never even said anything, she’s the one who initiated. It was all just happening so fucking fast, your brain couldn’t make sense of the situation.

“I’m so sorry professor, I’ll make it up to you I promise.”

With that, she lifted herself up until she was right above your cock and opened her mouth wide. In a single movement, she lowered herself all the way down your cock until you felt your tip prodding the back of her throat.

Fuck.

Yeah, there was no stopping, not when Yuna started bobbing up and down your cock. She moved fast, throating your entire length each time, finally pausing just long enough to gasp for air and smile up at you, using her soft fingers to coat your cock in her saliva.

“I promise I’ll keep coming, professor, you can see as much of me as…” her voice trailed off and she engulfed your cock once more, all the way down to the balls before holding. She pushed as far as possible, her nose pressing against your skin and her chin up against your balls. Then, as quickly as she went down, she came back up gasping once more. “... as you want.”

“Yuna, this is wrong…”

“Then don’t tell anyone,” she shrugged, leaning back and slowly unbuttoning the rest of her shirt, revealing a bright pink bra. “If you want me to leave, I’ll leave and we can pretend this never happened. Is that what you want?”

“I…” you hesitated, considering the options, but Yuna wasn’t as patient as you.

“That’s what I thought,” she smirked, opening up her shirt enough to put her soft cleavage on full display. “Now how about you stop thinking so hard and just relax. You don’t owe me anything for this, I’m just doing you a little favor out of the goodness of my heart.”

That was a fucking lie. You’d have to figure out a way to explain that you weren’t her professor - a problem that was definitely for later as Yuna leaned forward again on all fours and began licking up your shaft slowly. She would press her lips on your balls before sticking out her tongue and sliding it all the way up to your tip before wrapping her lips around it.

“You must be so tired, grading all those papers,” Yuna purred, bringing her hands up to your balls and fondling them while kissing on your tip repeatedly. “Just close your eyes and relax, this can be our little secret.”

Fine, you’d play along. You placed one hand on the top of her head before closing your eyes, letting her bob up and down your cock to her heart’s desire. It felt phenomenal, there was no denying it, she was experienced for sure. For the next few minutes, nothing but quiet slurps filled the small office as Yuna worked your cock expertly, sliding her tongue around and around, pressing down hard with her lips.

“Can you cum for me, professor?” she moaned, grabbing your shaft with her hand and stroking as fast as she could. “Please? In my mouth? I’ll be a good girl and swallow it all.”

“Oh my God,” you moaned softly, opening your eyes and looking through the blurriness to see Yuna with one hand playing with her tits while the other jerked you off.

She stuck her tongue out, licking your tip from time to time, hand still moving just as fast. Her half-lidded eyes staring up at you, begging for your release. It was working. You could feel the pressure building up more and more, you knew you were about to blow any second now.

“Please professor,” she cried out. “Cum for me.”

“I’m…” you grunted softly under your breath, shutting your eyes tight in anticipation, tightening your grip on her hair.

Then, in a flash, before you even felt it, your eyes shot open as the first streak of cum launched directly against Yuna’s lips. Like the expert she was, Yuna quickly opened her mouth and caught the next few spurts in her throat as she kept jerking the lower half of your cock while coaxing out your cum with her tongue.

“Good fucking girl,” you moaned, bringing your other hand to the back of her head and pressing down.

She barely gave any resistance as you pushed your cock all the way into her throat, unloading whatever was left as deep as you could. Even balls deep down your cock, she was still working her tongue, her lack of a gag reflex putting in work. As her face began turning a tinge blue, you let go of the back of her head.

Despite the resistance disappearing, she didn’t immediately pull back. Instead, Yuna made a tight seal with her lips and slowly inched her way up your cock, making sure not to leave a single drop of cum on your shaft. Once at the tip, she paused, looking up at you and swallowing whatever she had in her mouth before sucking your tip desperately trying to get more of your cum out of you.

“That’s all I got, sweetheart,” you gasped as the sensitivity began to hit.

Yuna finally let go of your cock and looked up at you with the brightest smile this world has ever known.

“Thank you professor!”

“Yuna,” you sighed as she stood back up and began sifting through her bag while you quickly pulled your pants back up. “I’m not your professor.”

The girl froze in her tracks, holding her laptop in her arms.

“What?”

“I tried telling you earlier, but you weren’t listening.”

“Who are you?” Yuna asked anxiously, covering her chest up.

“I’m a student,” you answered, diverting your gaze in an attempt to avoid making her uncomfortable.

“What the fuck are you doing in his office? And why… shit.”

“I’m really sorry, you just weren’t listening, I tried-”

“I don’t give a fuck about that,” Yuna shook her head and put her laptop down on the desk. “Can you at least help me?”

“W-What?” you stammered, trying not to stare at her tits.

“What the fuck do you have to be shy about,” Yuna rolled her eyes, immediately noticing your discomfort. “Here,” she added before lifting up her bra and flashing her bare tits at you, bouncing up and down a couple of times. “You already nutted in my mouth, I really don’t give a fuck if you see my tits. Now can you help me or what?”

“With what? Your assignment?”

“Exactly,” she answered before pulling down her bra and opening up her laptop. “This shit’s due tomorrow, I was hoping I could get out of it.”

Yuna turned the laptop to show you the assignment. Based on a quick skim of the rubric, it was simple enough - to be expected from an intro course.

“This doesn’t look too difficult,” you commented, scrolling through the meager attempt at a start. “Yeah, I can help.”

“Perfect,” Yuna smiled, suddenly taking a seat on your lap. “It’s due at midnight, I’ll get you whatever you need.”

“I don’t need anything,” you chuckled softly when a notification popped up on the screen. “Holy fuck who is that?”

“My roomie, you like?” Yuna giggled, leaning forward to reply to the message.

“She’s fucking gorgeous,” you commented in awe as you stared at her display picture. “Yeji… God damn, those eyes… and that body…”

“Alright enough,” Yuna snapped and began standing up, her jealousy showing.

“Hey,” you quickly pulled her back down by her hips. “You’re more gorgeous,” you lied.

“It’s whatever, I get it,” she sighed, rubbing her ass against your body. “I’d also fuck her if I could. Anyway, you sure you don’t want anything?”

“I’m good, really.”

“Nothing at all? No extra motivation?” Yuna asked, grabbing your wrist and placing it on her perfect handful of a chest.

“No,” you gave her tit a quick squeeze before letting go. “I won’t be able to type very fast with just one hand.”

“I can suck your cock again, if you want,” she added as she started grinding her hips back and forth.

“Yuna,” you grabbed her ass with both hands and held her still. “If you want me to do this, just sit tight and relax.”

“Fine,” she leaned back against your chest, her floral shampoo hitting your nose. “Just let me know if you need anything then.”

“Will do,” you muttered as you began typing away.

Truthfully, it would have been much easier without her sitting on your lap, but you figured that was a sacrifice you were willing to make. The next hour or so went by in relative silence as you typed away while Yuna watched diligently, making sure not to distract you beyond the gentle press of her body against yours.

That was until she fell asleep between your arms. She really was incredibly adorable, and for the first time since your breakup, you almost felt like you were in a relationship again. Very carefully, you picked her up and placed her on the small armchair next to the mostly vacant bookshelf. She was breathing deeply, her chest bouncing up and down with each one.

Without even realizing it, you were smiling. You reached forward and carefully did a couple of the buttons of her shirt to cover her up before returning to the Miller. Unknown to you at the time, she had woken up and noticed, but you were too focused on finishing the assignment for her, you were almost done anyway.

Another hour or so passed while you were completely focused, typing away diligently. Maybe it was stupid, considering it wasn’t even your assignment, but you were becoming quite proud of your work. You didn’t even care that you missed your class and that the sun had started setting outside, you had adopted this assignment as if it was your own.

“Done,” you muttered under your breath, leaning back in the chair and stretching your arms towards the roof.

“Your typing skills are truly incredible, you finished so quickly,” Yuna commented softly, making you jolt slightly as you forgot she was even there. “I wonder what else those fingers can do.”

“Thank you, but it’s really nothing,” you replied modestly, ignoring her last comment. “I’ve taken this course before, or something similar at least.”

“I never would have been able to finish this in time without you, there’s no way,” Yuna began leaning against the desk, facing you. “I really owe you for this.”

“No, you already kinda-”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Her words stung more than she intended as the memories of your ex came back. Not that it was her fault, obviously, but it still hurt.

“No,” you replied bluntly, unintentionally letting some emotion out.

“That’s surprising,” Yuna mumbled a bit shyly, perhaps picking up on your tone.

“What about you? Boyfriend?”

“Definitely not,” she laughed softly, almost as if to hide some pain behind her own voice. “Can I ask you something?”

“Obviously,” you chuckled. “I think we’re well past that stage.”

“Why’d you…” she trailed off slowly, her finger toying with the buttons on her shirt.

“You fell asleep,” you shrugged, leaning back in the chair. “Felt like it was the gentleman-y thing to do.”

“Right, because my behavior definitely deserves gentleman treatment.”

“I didn’t really look at it that way,” you replied cautiously. “Regardless of circumstances, you still deserve dignity.”

“You don’t think I have dignity?”

“What I think doesn’t really matter,” you answered. “But no, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“I don’t think I have dignity.”

Silence filled the room. For a few, stretched moments, you simply stared into Yuna’s round eyes, trying to understand this girl and who she was beneath the surface.

“Why do you feel that way?” you broke the silence first. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Don’t play dumb,” Yuna shook her head in frustration. “You know exactly why.”

“Yuna,” you began carefully. “I only just met you-”

“I swear I only did this because someone told me it would work,” Yuna cut you off. “And I wouldn’t have done it if I walked into the room and wasn’t attracted to the person I saw, seriously.”

“That’s fine-” you started before getting cut off once again, something you realized she loved to do.

“Like, I’m not a complete whore,” she continued. “Did I do it for personal gain? Sure. But I also wanted to. Is it really such a crime to be horny?”

“Yuna!” you spoke up firmly, standing up and grabbing her wrists. “You don’t have to explain, I’m not judging you for it.”

“Yes you are,” she muttered quietly after a pause.

“Believe whatever you want,” you shrugged and let go of her wrists. “Your assignment is done either way.”

“So why’d you actually help me?”

“You looked like you needed it,” you chuckled softly before pausing. “Truthfully? You reminded me of my ex.”

“Oh?” Yuna’s eyes wandered for a moment as she fixated on a spot of the floor. “In what way?”

“Well for one,” you stepped closer to her. You gently pushed her hair behind her ear before continuing. “You’re unbelievably pretty.”

She finally looked back up at you, a rosiness creeping onto her cheeks. “I appreciate that,” she smiled warmly. “Though I can’t imagine your first time meeting her was anything like this.”

“You’d be surprised,” you chuckled softly, leaning on the desk next to her, both of you facing the empty bookshelf.

“I have a hard time believing your first time meeting her involved head,” Yuna giggled quietly.

“Like I said, you’d be surprised.”

“You’re kidding?” Yuna gasped, turning to face you. “Well shit, now I don’t feel as embarrassed I guess.”

“I don’t think you should feel embarrassed at all,” you replied calmly. “Just like I said earlier, not judging you.”

“Then don’t judge me for this either,” Yuna whispered softly.

Part of you wasn’t entirely sure how to react to the kiss, you just let your body go on autopilot. It wasn’t a quick peck or anything, she pressed forward with real passion, pushing you backwards onto the chair again and straddling your lap. Your hands made their way around her body, feeling her gentle curves, the soft skin, her warm touch. Yuna’s mouth clashed against yours, her tongue growing more and more confident, teasing and intertwining with yours.

What really got you going was the touch of her hand on the back of your neck - that’s when you knew you were in trouble. You kept kissing, full of passion and lust, your hands rummaging around her top and unbuttoning it for the second time that evening before ripping it off and tossing it to the side, soon to be joined by her bra as you unclasped it.

Once her tits were finally free again, you let the kiss fade apart. Yuna stared at you breathily, awaiting your next move, but you weren’t going to keep her waiting long. After grabbing her ass with your hands, you stood up from the chair, holding her in your arms and gently placing her down on the desk. She quickly pushed aside her laptop before laying flat on the desk, looking up at you with a face full of carnal lust.

“Is this what you want?” you asked quietly while unbuckling your belt.

Yuna stared at you, her eyes more sensitive than you’ve ever seen, and paused for just a moment before answering.

“Yes.”

That was all you needed, and by the time you had your pants off, Yuna had already slipped off her underwear and bunched up her skirt around her waist. Before you, glistening and shining, as beautiful as you had imagined in your mind, Yuna lay there waiting - for you.

“You’re so beautiful,” you muttered as you took hold of her thighs and pulled her closer to the edge of the desk. “Let me know,” you added gently as you lined yourself up.

She nodded up at you before closing her eyes, biting her lower lip just slightly as she tilted her head back, pressing her tits up towards the roof. You leaned in some more, your tip spreading apart her body as you placed your arms on the desk around Yuna’s small frame, pressing forward slowly. With utmost care, you inched yourself deeper and deeper, paying full attention to the way Yuna was contorting her expression.

Her pussy felt incredibly warm and comforting around your cock. Once you were nearly all the way in, you paused to simply revel in the feel of Yuna’s body. And of course, you wanted to give her a moment to adjust to your body.

“You good?” you whispered, leaning forward even closer.

Yuna opened her eyes and nodded again. It was like night and day the way her personality shifted from earlier. She came in so confident and in control, but now she had become completely vulnerable, completely comfortable around you. And in return, you felt immense comfort with her.

A wave of warmth rushed through your body as you leaned forward over her body and kissed her again. As she kissed you back, you began slowly sliding your hips back and forth, enjoying every inch of pleasure her pussy was shooting into you.

“You’re a living fucking dream, you know that?” you grunted as you softly pressed into her pussy again and again.

“Your dick feels amazing,” Yuna moaned, arching her back. “Fuck me, fuck me good.”

That was the plan. You pushed forward faster, inching yourself even deeper now. The deeper you pressed into Yuna’s pussy, the better it felt. Not only was your cock throbbing in pleasure, you were also losing your mind at the sound of Yuna’s gentle moans overpowering the sound of the desk sliding against the floor with each thrust.

“That’s fucking right,” Yuna sobbed softly, rubbing circles around her clit with her hand. “I’m going to fucking cum, don’t fucking stop.”

“Cum for me,” you grunted, taking two big handfuls of Yuna’s tits into your palms and squeezing.

“I’m clo….” her voice trailed off, leaving her mouth open and eyes shut tight in focus.

She couldn’t physically speak anymore, yet it hardly mattered. You knew, without a doubt in your mind, the way her pussy was contracting against your cock that she was cumming hard. Making sure not to change your pace, even as your sweat began pooling on your brow, you pushed and pushed, muttering filth that she probably couldn’t even comprehend right now, pushing through her new tightness.

Her pussy convulsed for a bit longer before the squeezing calmed, and all that remained from her orgasm was the heavy breathing that pushed your palms up every second or so. You also slowed down a bit, all the sensation bringing you painfully close to your own orgasm, realizing now how tired your legs were getting. Being so close to the edge, however, gave you all the energy you needed. Finally, Yuna had recovered, and she pulled herself up, wrapping her arms and legs around your body.

“Are you close?” she whispered directly into your ear.

After that, definitely.

“Do you want to cum on me?” Yuna moaned into your ear. “All over my face?”

“Yes,” you gasped back, focusing as hard as you could on your hips thrusting into her pussy a few final times before you pulled out - you were unbelievably close now.

“Good,” she purred before quickly jumping off the desk and turning you around as she sat on the chair. “Cover me in that cum.”

Before you could start stroking, Yuna had already grabbed your cock. This girl was like fucking magic, the way she jerked you off with her mouth open wide, eyes staring into yours, her hand was doing better than even you could do. She moved as fast as she could, squeezing hard against your cock, fondling your balls with her other hand. You rode the absolute edge of your orgasm, just to get launched over your limit as Yuna stuck her cute little tongue out and prodded your tip a couple of times, sealing the deal.

“Ah!” Yuna gasped as the first hefty gush landed on her forehead, splattering into her hair. “Fuck yes,” she added with a moan as she adjusted your cock.

The next few moments happened so fast, in such a blur, you could barely comprehend what was happening. All you knew was your cock felt fucking amazing as Yuna jerked you off. In front of you, once your vision cleared up, Yuna’s face was completely plastered in white, barely any actually making it into her open mouth.

“Fuck!” you squealed as Yuna shoved your cock down her throat. “Please!”

She pulled your cock out of her lips, smiling brightly up at you, that smile that you could stare at for the rest of your life.

“Aim better,” she giggled, using her pinky to scoop a glob of your cum off her face into her lips.

“Alright, let’s try again.”

“Don’t tempt me,” Yuna smirked before suddenly pouting. “It’s in my hair, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you quickly pulled out some tissues from your bag and handed them to her. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she sighed, pulling out her phone to use as a mirror. “Thanks again, for the assignment.”

“Yeah, of course,” you replied as you got dressed. “Thanks for… yeah.”

“Any time,” Yuna giggled softly, wiping her face clean.

“Here,” you held her bra out for her.

“Thanks,” she accepted the garment. “But no, really, any time.”

“Are you suggesting-”

“Yes.”

“Yuna, I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship yet.”

“Oh, no,” she quickly clarified. “I didn’t mean like that, trust me I’m also not ready yet. I just meant the sex part, and maybe also the homework part.”

“Friends with benefits?” you picked up her panties. “Have you ever had one before?”

“No, but I’m down to give it a shot with the right person,” she answered softly. “Have you?”

“Yeah, mine actually just graduated last year,” you chuckled, reminiscing about your past. “Look, if you’re serious, then I’m down. But I want you to think about it first, it can be kinda dangerous.”

“I’d agree with you if we knew each other before,” Yuna replied. “But we just met, I don’t think feelings will be an issue.”

“Right,” you tried to hide your skepticism. “Alright, exclusive or no?”

“I’d say no. Thoughts?”

“Fine with me,” you held out her panties. “But then no jealousy allowed.”

“Keep them,” Yuna winked up at you before standing up. “And of course not, no jealousy.”

“Yeah?” you placed your hands on her hips. “Even if I fuck your roomie?”

“I’ll do you one better,” Yuna whispered into your face before spinning you around and pushing you onto the chair. She had already straddled your lap before whispering her next words. “Fuck me again and I’ll set you up with her myself.”

“Deal.

---

A/N:

Short and quick little piece I wrote in a couple of nights. I had always planned for Yuna to be in the Roommates universe, I just can't remember what inspired me to write it all of a sudden. Truthfully not the most edited and reviewed fic I've ever written, oh well, enjoy!

I really hope it's not too confusing (not that you need to read the other fics in the universe, the whole point is that you can read them independently). This is supposed to take place in junior year, and there are a few references to some of the other fics in this universe, some foreshadowing I guess.

I wouldn't expect another fic for a bit, I really don't have much time to write lately. I can, however, give some insight on what I'm currently working on: Dating Seraphs next part soonish (my priority rn), Exchange next part, Roommates Kazuha part 3, Roommates Eunbi part 2, Roommates secret unnamed idol part 1, unnamed actress stand alone fic, and also a stand alone MiSaMo fic (this one might be my next post, I'm like 8k words deep already). There are a couple others currently on the back burner that I haven't forgotten about as well.

Long ass A/N but I haven't said much to my readers in a while so fuck it. Like always, feel free to throw feedback at me, I try to read it all. I probably can't be convinced to write more, but if you're desperate for one of the fics I listed above then feel free to plead your case and I'll probably prioritize it. Take care you lovely people.

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Twisted

pairing: lee felix x afab!reader

genre: fluff, smut, thriller

wc: 6.6k

synopsis: felix and you live a normal, happy life as a couple. until you start noticing little things that make no sense. felix calls you silly for thinking anything could ever be wrong in your perfect little world. is he being honest or harboring a bigger secret?

warnings: unprotected sex, creampie, oral(f), two plot twists!!, dark ending!

a/n: i can't really put all of the warnings here bcs i would spoil the plot twist but i hope you enjoy this one hehehe🤭🫶🏻

divider by: @cafekitsune

~masterlist

There is nothing more beautiful than waking up next to the person you love.

Traces of last night's loving and passionate activities linger in the air all around you as your limbs are entwined with his, not knowing where you begin and where he ends; almost like you've merged into one person.

You stir a little, the warmness of his naked body pressed against yours makes your heart dance inside your chest and your core throb with the everlasting craving you have for Felix.

Your eyes flutter open and you look at him, his hair a royal mess, the strands falling over his forehead and into his eyes, where his eyelashes kiss his freckled skin, his plump lips slightly parted as he cutely drools on the pillow.

You chuckle a little and that stirs him up, he smacks his lips together as you lay on your tummy, facing him, his leg thrown over you.

Felix cracks one eye open and smiles instantly, his fingertips dancing on your back, all along your spine.

"Morning, sweets." his voice is even deeper when he wakes up, but still dripping with honey.

"Morning, love." you whisper and his smile widens, making him look even cuter to you so you lean in and press your lips to his forehead.

Your hand caresses his hair out of the way as your lips repeatedly collide with his skin, kissing his eyebrows, eyelids, nose, all of his starry freckles.

Felix giggles at the onslaught of love, giddy as his arm curls around your waist, bringing you even closer to him.

You enjoy the quiet moment before you have to get up and start your day, face the real world.

As your hands gently caress each other's skin, both of you become hungry for more, hungry to become one like you did last night, more than once.

Felix's breaths are shaky as he ruts his middle against your thigh, his hot leaky cock dragging against your plushy flesh.

You moan quietly as your hand explores his soft skin and Felix maneuvers you so your back is facing him.

"Wanna hold you." he murmurs into your hair, adjusting your leg before he sinks his cock into you easily, your cunt always ready to take him in.

Felix buries himself inside your warmth, holding you tightly as his lips attach to your neck and whisper words of love in your ear.

You melt into his embrace, letting him rock against you, his cock sliding in and out of your wetness in a steady rhythm, his arm wrapped around you as his fingers press on your clit.

Euphoria soon takes you both over as you spill into each other, all wet and warm, full of love.

"I love you, sweetheart." he kisses your shoulder and arm gently.

"I love you too." you turn to smile at him.

Yes, nothing is more beautiful than this moment right here.

-

"Lixie! Are you done getting ready?" you yell out from the hallway.

"Yes! I'm coming, babe." he yells back from your room before he comes skipping down the steps with a big smile on his face.

You chuckle at him as he jumps right in front of you, cupping your cheeks and pressing his lips into yours, a wet smooch sound echoing off the walls.

"You're so cute." your face is warm as you giggle at him.

"That's you." he pinches your cheek, making you whine a little.

"So, do you like my outfit?" he asks with a little spin, a bright smile on his face.

"Of course, you look very handsome." you giggle.

"Don't I always?" he wiggles his eyebrows and you roll your eyes at him playfully.

"Why is this new diner so special that you're sooo excited about it?" you ask as the two of you make your way out of your house.

Felix swings your linked hands and smiles.

"You'll see. I know you'll love it." his eyes shine as he beams at you.

"Fine, I trust you." you say and he brings your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles gently.

It's another beautiful sunny day, the birds are chirping in the trees, there is no trace of clouds in the sky, everyone around you seems to be happy, wearing big smiles and saying a polite 'good morning' as you pass them by.

You smile too, enjoying the sun's warmth as Felix yaps about a new video game he discovered recently.

Come to think of it, you don't remember the last time it rained or snowed.

While you ponder this, Felix notices your absent-mindedness and nudges you.

"You're not listening to me." he pouts.

"Sorry, I was just thinking how it's been sunny for so long that I almost forgot what it's like when it rains." you chuckle and Felix's eyes widen for a moment.

"Oh- I mean, isn't that good?" he asks, licking at his lip nervously.

"Sure, but it'd be nice to get some rain now and then." you shrug, looking around.

"I'm sure it'll rain soon." Felix is more quiet than usually when he says that but you pay no mind as the mysterious diner he'd been raving all week about finally comes into view.

"Felix!" you exclaim, grabbing at his arm, a big smile spreading on your face upon seeing what all the rave was about.

Your boyfriend's demeanor changes instantly as he perks up, a big smile on his face.

"It's a space themed diner!" you clap excitedly as you near the entrance.

"Mhm. Just what you love." Felix's eyes sparkle as he looks at your face adoringly. "Are you happy?" he adds.

"Happy? I'm estatic!" you practically skip the rest of the distance as Felix trails behind you with a satisfied smile on his face.

Seeing you like this is the biggest gift he could ever have the honor to indulge in, it's all he needs.

To see you happy.

You hurry inside and the interior of the diner makes you gasp.

The walls are filled with beautiful space paintings and photographs, the ceiling is made of some kind of big screen that has an entire galaxy lighting up here and there, as if all the little stars are actually shining above your heads, spacecraft oval shaped chandeliers hang from the stars, the little lights inside them shining with different colors of the rainbow.

The whole diner seems to be presented as the Solar System, each booth belonging to one planet and designed according to colors and traits of the planet.

Everything seems shiny and sparkly, some experimental electronic music is playing from the speakers as the waiters rush around, all dressed in shiny suits, with cute space details sewn into them.

The place is packed but as if it was waiting for you, the booth inspired by Jupiter, your favorite planet, is empty.

"Shall we?" Felix smiles, reaching his hand out to you.

You nod fervently, still trying to process the entire design of the diner, your heart dancing inside your chest happily.

Felix chuckles and leads you to the booth and as soon as you sit down, an automated voice starts talking from the little speaker on the wall.

"Welcome to Jupiter, the gas giant of our Solar System! It is primarily made out of gases and liquids so your feet won't really touch any ground but that's okay, you can always float along! Just be careful not to get swept away by the famous cyclonic storm called the Great Red Spot, hehe! Fun fact: Jupiter has 80 moons!" the voice talks.

"Startled me at first." you chuckle. "Actually, Jupiter has 95 moons discovered, as of lately. I guess they didn't update the fun fact." you add and Felix frowns.

"Hm." he purses his lips and you giggle. "How could they not update it?"

"It's okay, it's not that big of a deal." you giggle at his pouty face.

Before he can answer, a waiter appears next to your table.

"Hello, my fellow space explorers! I'm glad to see you've chosen Jupiter as your destination today. Take a look at the selection on our menu, it's just out of this world!" the waiter laughs, putting down your menus and twirling around as he walks away giving you some time to decide.

"This place is so kooky." you laugh in delight and your boyfriend smiles at you.

"You like it, right?" he asks.

"I love it, Lixie." you confirm and Felix's face becomes brighter again.

"I wanna try the Milky Way shake." Felix says as he skims through the menu.

"Yeah, we can get a big one, share it?" you blink at him and he melts.

"Of course. What do you wanna eat?" he asks.

"Um- the trip to the moon pancakes sound yummy."

"Ooh, I will get the andromeda cake then and we can share and taste both."

After placing your order, you look around, marvelling at the way they thought about every little detail as whoever made this put a lot of thought into this diner and is obviously a space lover like you.

Your eyes fall to another booth, the Mars one, hues of orange and red swirling on the wall and the seats as your eyes follow the intricate design all the way to the woman sitting in the booth with another woman, perhaps a friend, perhaps her lover.

Something seemed off, though.

The woman was taking sips from her glass, but it seemed like no matter how many times she sipped, the liquid inside didn't move.

Again, she took a big sip and you could see her throat move as she swallowed but the same amount of red liquid with little golden sparkles inside it remained.

You don't know why you were fixating on such a little detail, but it was so peculiar.

"What is it? You like the Mars booth more?" Felix follows your eyes.

"N-no. Just... nevermind." you smile at him. "I'm just looking at the different designs. They're all so pretty." you settle on saying.

"I'm glad- I mean yeah they are." he smiles at you.

Your Milky Way shake arrives along with your food, and everything looks sparkly and delicious, decorated with little edible stars and edible glitter.

Felix and you talk about nonsense, relaxed and full of laughter as you share the shake, sipping from it at the same time.

The way he stares at you, his eyes dark and intense yet so soft and full of love, makes your stomach do backflips every time he's this close to you.

After the delicious brunch, the two of you decide to take a walk to a nearby park, wanting to catch some fresh air and stretch your legs.

Felix's arm is wrapped around your shoulders as you melt into him, your arm wrapped around his waist.

"Ugh Felix, what day is it today?" you suddenly feel confused.

"It's Thursday. Why?" he chuckles.

"Weren't you supposed to be at work?" your brain struggles to remember if he said he had a day off or not.

"Y/n, don't be silly. I have the whole week free, remember? We said we'd spend as much time as we can together."

"Right." you chuckle, your memory refreshed. "Silly me. Must be the Milky Way shake with the way I'm spacing out."

Felix laughs at your pun as you wiggle your eyebrows at him.

The world is so beautiful with the sound of his laughter gracing it and with his attention focused only on you.

With warmness in your heart, you return to your home.

-

You work from home, so as soon as you arrive back at your house, you sit down at your desk.

You feel bad for not helping Felix with dinner but he reassures you that he doesn't mind cooking a meal for the two of you, in fact, it makes him happy.

Retreating into your home office, you began working.

Exhaustion takes you over after a few hours, not even realizing what time it is until there's a knock on your door.

"Y/n, love? Dinner is ready." it's Felix's warm deep voice and you turn to look at him, a smile on your face instantly.

"Okay, I'll be down in a few minutes-"

"Babe, you've done enough. Come on, you need to eat something." Felix makes his way to you, his hand gentle on your upper back as he caresses you.

You melt into his touch instantly, thoughts of continuing to work disperse immediately.

"Okay." you chuckle as he leans down to kiss your forehead gently.

The food is delicious like always and as you keep eating, the sky outside darkens suddenly.

You squint your eyes, lifting your head up to look out the window.

"Oh!" you exclaim as thunder rolls in.

Felix turns his head towards the sound, seemingly unphased but there is a small smirk dancing on his lips that you miss.

"Looks like it's gonna rain after all." he says.

"Yeah." you quip, a weird feeling settling in your stomach.

You decide to ignore it, it's a coincidence that it started raining just when you thought about it, it's not like you predicted the weather or something.

"Did you enjoy dinner?" Felix smiles and you nod.

"Of course, it was delicious. I'm not letting you wash the dishes alone though." you point at him jokingly.

"It's fine, sweetheart." Felix is quick to shake his head as he starts cleaning out the table.

"No, you cooked. Let me be useful for something at least."

"You are useful."

"You know what I meant." you say and he nods, the two of you settling on washing the dishes together.

As you're putting the last plate in its place, Felix appears behind you, pressing his body into yours as his arms wrap around you.

He whines, nuzzling his face in your neck as goosebumps rise on your skin and you melt into him.

"Hello there." you giggle.

"Mm." his lips attach to your neck, leaving gentle kisses and you lean your head back on his shoulder, giving him more space.

"Let's shower together." you suggest and Felix hums against you with a smirk.

It's a daily routine you have, any moment you don't have to spend apart, you spend together including showering.

If someone gave Felix the chance, he would quit his job and just be your boyfriend.

He often thought about that, spending every second of the day with you, even while you work, he'd be content in sitting quietly next to you.

He'd have you all to himself, forever.

But, real life gets in the way but he concludes that that's what makes every moment you are with him even more precious.

"Let me help you, sweetheart." his voice drips with honey again as he turns your back to him while the two of you stand under the shower.

Shivers run up your spine as his fingertips slide on your back.

He grabs your shampoo, pouring it on his hands before he starts washing your hair.

You relax into his touch, loving the way he always takes care of you. His hands are gentle but firm as he massages the bubbles into your scalp before rinsing it off.

As you lean back into him, his semi-hard cock brushes against your backside and you chuckle.

"Someone's getting excited." you look back at him with a playful smirk.

"Can you blame me? My beautiful girlfriend is naked right in front of me." he smiles somewhat of an innocent smile, a contrast to the steamy atmosphere shaping between you.

His arms wrap around you as he pulls your body flush against his, making you shiver.

"I need you, my sweet." he whispers, bumping his nose with yours, lips brushing against you.

"Lixie." his hands roam on your body, as you wrap your arms around his shoulders. "Let's go to bed, hm? I love the thought of shower sex but last time you slipped and almost cracked your head open on the tiles and I really don't want to go through that again."

Felix whines in embarassment, burying his face in your neck as he tightens his hold on you.

"That was one time. All the other times were fine." he pouts against your skin.

"I don't wanna see you hurting, come on." you say and he reluctantly follows you out of the shower.

After drying off, Felix whisks you away to your bedroom, almost throwing you down on the soft bed as you squeal, the room filled with laughter.

"My sweetheart." he coos at you, his hand cupping your cheek as his thumb swipes on your skin.

Before you can say anything, his plump lips are on yours as he kisses you lovingly, passionately, possessively, his tongue pushing inside and swirling around yours, taking your breath away.

You clutch onto him as he lowers his middle into yours, grinding his hardening cock against your wet pussy.

He keeps kissing you and swallowing your moans, as his tip catches your entrance a few times but he keeps grinding against you.

"L-Lix, need you." you whimper in frustration, wanting him to fill you up.

"Yeah? My baby needs me?" he smirks and you whimper again.

"Yes, please. Need you inside me." you bat your eyelashes at him, trying to look as cute as possible even though Felix would kiss the ground you walked on if you told him to.

"Such a good girl. Asking so nicely." he keeps smirking before grabbing his cock and slowly sinking into your heat.

Both of you moan at the feeling as he slowly pushes in, bottoming out and fitting snuggly inside you.

Felix tries, he really does, he tries to be gentle but you feel so damn good clenching around him, keeping his cock inside you, your legs and arms wrapped around him as he fucks into your sweet spot.

"Ah!" you exclaim as Felix picks up his speed, his hips snapping into you as he presses your knees to your shoulders, coming down on you with all his weight.

Your eyes roll in the back of your head as he fucks you relentlessy, making you cum in mere minutes.

"Shit, baby you're so wet." Felix looks down at his cock, the white cream of your pleasure painted on his length.

He grunts deeply before fucking into you again, the squelching sounds making your face and ears burn.

Your boyfriend is like a bunny in heat, never stopping or slowing down, making his cock slip out of you on accident as he keeps wilding above you.

A little whimper escapes his lips, missing your heat immediately as he grabs his length and pushes back into you, resuming his ruthless pace.

"Mm, yeah, take it." he groans and all you can do is moan as you let him have his way with you.

"F-Felix!" you moan as he brings you to your second orgasm.

"Yeah, say my name baby." he smirks as he pounds into you.

You keep moaning his name as you climax, getting his cock even more wet which in return makes him even crazier for you.

You're sure the bed will break with the force he's fucking you with, his cock slipping out of you a few more times, making him whimper every time it happens.

He grips your hips, thrusting into you erratically as his cock twitches inside you.

"Gonna give you my cum." his voice is whiny and high-pitched, breathless from the exertion.

"Yes, fill me up, Lixie!" you whimper and he cums, buried deep inside you as your pussy milks his cock down to the last drop.

Felix collapses on top of you and you hold each other, as you listen to the sound of the rain hitting the glass.

"Isn't it weird that it started raining as soon as I mentioned it?" you swallow, staring out the window, your hands drawing random patterns on Felix's back.

You feel him tense in your hold before he lets out a chuckle.

"No, maybe you heard it on the news and subconsciously thought about it or something. Or maybe..." he turns to look at you, his cheek leaned on your breast. "Maybe you have superpowers and you can predict the future." Felix wiggles his eyebrows playfully and you let out a snort.

"Oh sure, that sounds highly likely." you shake your head as he lifts up and kisses you.

"I love you." he smiles after attacking you with sweet kisses.

"I love you, Lixie." you cradle his face.

"Guess we gotta shower again?"

The next morning, you were woken up by Felix's lips on your inner thighs as he made his way to your core.

"Lix..." you mutter half asleep and he only hums in response, lips ghosting over your panties before pressing a kiss to your cunt.

"L-Lixie!" you whine when his tongue darts out to lick at the damp spot on the fabric.

"Relax, baby, let me take care of you." your eyes flutter closed again as he slips off your underwear, his lips wrapping around your clit immediately.

As always, Felix is hungry for you, like he can never get enough of your taste and the way you feel against his tongue, the way you grip his hair or press your thighs around his head.

He ruts against the bedsheets as you slide your middle against tongue, gripping his hair.

He moans into you, the vibrations helping you get closer to the edge as he digs his nails into your plushy thighs.

Fireworks explode from the inside, spilling your sweet juices on Felix's tongue and chin.

"Mm, baby." he whines against your cunt, lapping you up and leaving more kisses on your clit and all along your folds.

"Sensitive..." you whimper and he leans back before lifting up and hovering over you.

"I couldn't help myself, you just looked so sweet while sleeping." Felix bites on his lip as he looks at you adoringly.

"Oh, I don't mind." you smirk. "Let me help you."

"Um..." his face becomes red suddenly. "I - erm, finished already."

"Oh. Oh." you look down at his boxers.

"Embarassing, really."

"It's not. I'm flattered actually." you smirk, caressing his face.

Felix chuckles cutely before leaning down to kiss you.

"What's the plan for today?" you ask against his lips.

"Well, I was thinking we could have a picnic. I mean, it's sunny again." he nods towards the window.

"Okay, I love picnics." you smile as he gets up.

"Actually, I don't remember when was the last time I went on a picnic." you purse your lips, sitting up.

For some reason, memories seem blurry when you start thinking about them, it almost hurts your brain to try and remember well; almost anything.

"We had one like a month ago. Remember? You cut up fruits in the shapes of little stars." Felix says, rummaging through his drawer.

It's as if it suddenly appears in your mind, the clear memory of you preparing for the picnic together with Felix, enjoying a sunny day in the nature.

"Right, I remember now." you chuckle nervously. "Why couldn't I remember that?"

"You just woke up, you need some coffee, my love." Felix comes up to you and kisses your head.

"I'm gonna go take a quick shower." he says and you nod, watching him leave to the bathroom.

You get up and make your way to the kitchen, making some coffee and toast for the two of you, before you start preparing snacks for the picnic.

While you're working on the sandwiches, you can't shake off the uneasy feeling that's creating a knot in your stomach.

When was the last time you went outside without Felix? When was the last time he walked out of the house to go to work? When was the last time you talked to your family?

You can't remember. None of it.

Before you start panicking, Felix appears in the kitchen, startling you.

"Oh, Lix!" you exclaim, your hand on your chest.

"What scared you? It's just me." he smiles sweetly at you.

You stare at him for a moment, could he be hiding something from you?

But Felix is always so caring and loving, he is the best partner you could ever ask for.

He always makes an effort, takes you out on dates, takes care of you when you're tired or sick, is attentive towards your wants and needs; he actually listens to you when you talk.

He loves you.

"Y/n?" Felix chuckles, waving a hand in front of your face.

"Ah, sorry." you laugh awkwardly. "Was just lost in thought."

"What were you thinking about?" Felix grabs one of the toasts you made and bites into it.

"You. How wonderful of a boyfriend you are." you settle on saying, because it is sort of true.

"Aw, darling. Only the best for you." he skips towards you with a big smile, enveloping you in a bone crushing hug as you squeal and grab at him, both of you laughing.

How could you even doubt him?

Felix helps you with the rest of the snacks before the two of you get ready and walk out into another beautiful sunny day.

The walk is short, as there is a park near to your house, your memory now refreshed as you see the tree you always sit under coming into view.

Felix and you race towards the tree, laughing and giddy like little children.

You almost get there first but his arms wrap around your middle and he pulls you back into him, making you almost drop the basket of food you were carrying.

"Lixie! That's cheating!" you put as he turns you around and touches the tree with his foot.

"I won!" Felix smirks.

You pout at him as he puts his backpack down and takes out the picnic blanket.

"Not fair." you whine and he chuckles at you, cupping your face.

"Fine, you won and I'm just a dirty cheater." he smirks and you laugh as he kisses you.

"There, is that better?" he rubs his nose against yours.

"Yes." you nod, making him laugh.

The two of you settle on the blanket, even bringing a speaker so you can play some music while you chat and eat.

After some time, Felix wraps his arm around you and leans on you so you wrap your arms around him as he settles on your chest.

It's quiet for a while and since your focus is not on Felix at the moment, you start looking around.

Cars roll in the distance, one, two, three, four, five, six, then again... It seems as if the same six cars keep passing by.

You stare in disbelief before your eyes fall near the pond where a man is throwing a stick to his dog.

It lands next to a tree and the dog runs to get it, bringing it back to its owner. Then it repeats, the man throws the stick, it lands next to the same tree, the dog gets it, the man throws the stick...

The stick keeps landing on the exact same spot next to that tree, the probability of that is too low for it to be happening repeatedly.

"Lix?" you swallow.

"Yes, sweets?" Felix looks up at you.

"Do you ever- do you ever feel like something is wrong? But you can't quite put your finger on it."

"What do you mean?" he lifts up to look at you, his eyes searching yours.

"Well... Look at that man and his dog." you point and Felix turns to look.

"What about them?"

"Watch where the stick lands." you say and Felix watches as it lands next to the tree.

And so it does again. And again.

"So?" he licks his lips.

"How is he hitting the exact same spot every time?"

"Good hand-eye coordination? Practice?" Felix says, a nervous smile on his face.

You sigh in frustration.

"What about the road? Look at the road!" you point again and Felix looks.

"The same six cars keep going round and round."

"They're not the same, it just seems so."

"Felix, something is wrong. I can feel it! Like how it started raining when I mentioned it. And the lady in the diner yesterday, she kept drinking from her glass but the amount of liquid stayed the same."

"Babe, that's silly. Nothing is wrong. I'm sure it just seemed so, maybe the glass was in the same color as her drink?" Felix places his hand on yours cautiously.

"Lix... I don't know, it's just that I can't remember certain things and it's bothering me."

Felix's eyes dart left and right, his lips pursed.

"Like what?"

"Like the last time I saw my friends or family. The last time you left the house. The last time I was home alone."

"We visited your family two months ago. You saw your friends last weekend. I left the house last week every day when I was working and you were home alone then." Felix frowns as he looks at you. "Baby, are you feeling alright?" he adds, touching your forehead and your eyes water.

"N-no." you whimper, feeling so confused and wondering what the hell is wrong with you.

"How about we go home and you take a nap? I promise you'll feel better after sleeping." Felix coos at you, caressing your face.

"Are you sure it's gonna be okay?" you hiccup.

"I promise, my love." he smiles, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

Felix takes you home, and you trust him when he lays you down and whispers how everything is going to be just fine.

You wake up from your nap feeling drowsy and slightly confused.

Felix is next to you, his arms wrapped around you as he breathes deeply.

You sit up, grabbing the glass of water he has left on the nightstand for you when you wake up.

After sipping on the refreshing liquid, you look outside the window and freeze.

"What the fuck?" you mumble to yourself, squinting your eyes as you get up.

"What the fuck?" you repeat, trying to process what your eyes are seeing and Felix stirs behind you.

"Babe?" he grunts a little as he sits up.

"L-Lix..." your voice is shaky as you start panicking.

Felix gets up as you keep staring out the window.

The void stares back at you.

There is nothing outside. No road, no trees, no supermarket, it's not the street you live on, it's one big nothing; just a white light.

"Oh, shit!" Felix exclaims as he sees what you're looking at.

"I told you! I told you something is wrong!" you turn to look at your boyfriend, tears sliding down your cheeks.

But instead of looking scared, Felix looks angry.

"Fucking shit!" his voice raises as his hands reach towards the books on your table, and in frustration he pulls on them, making them clatter down on the floor.

"Felix!" you exclaim as he starts raging, throwing everything on the table down to the floor in a wave of anger.

You've never seen him like this, panicking you step back, not knowing how to react to his outburst or what it all means.

Felix looks up at you suddenly, his eyes softening and filling up with guilt.

"I'm- I'm sorry, y/n."

"Tell me what is happening." you say and he shakes his head.

"Stay here." he says and you step towards him.

"No, tell me what's going on!" you demand and the scowl is back on your boyfriend's face.

"Stay right here and stop asking fucking questions." he says angrily, making you flinch before he leaves the room.

The door slams behind him and as you make your move to follow him, you hear the lock click.

"Felix?" you grip the handle, trying to open up the door. "Felix! You can't just lock me in here without any explanation!" you scream, rattling and kicking the door.

"Felix, please come back!" you yell, your fists pounding against the wood. "I'm scared." you add quietly as fresh tears spill down your cheeks.

Felix disconnects the VR set from his head.

How the fuck did this happen?

How come it didn't render the street as it always does? Why have you started noticing the little things you've never noticed before? Why have you started thinking about your past so much?

He opens up the code with a frustrated sigh, his fingers gliding against the keyboard.

Maybe the AI is getting stronger and more brainy the more he plays with it.

Felix's eyebrows knit together as he goes over the thousands lines of code, trying to figure out if there is some kind of mistake that the computer is not picking up on.

His stomach grumbles and he leans back with a sigh, the virtual food can only do so much.

Felix finally stands up from his table, realizing how long he must've been sitting there judging by the ache in his legs and back.

"I'll deal with you later." he waves his finger towards the computer before picking up his phone and ordering pizza.

He grabs a can of soda from his fridge and looks around.

It's eerily quiet in his apartment, save for the silent buzzing of his computer and the distant hum of traffic outside.

Felix makes his way to the big glass windows, staring down at the city before him.

He's gonna have to go back to work on Monday, knowing he can't spend as much time with you the way he wants to when his vacation days end, brings a sadness to his soul.

The 'you' who basically doesn't exist, you who is just lines and lines of code, a program, there only when he disconnects from reality.

If he could, Felix would disconnect from it forever just so he could be inside the damn device next to you, always.

And now since he made you upset, it's going to be hard to get everything back how it was before, under his control.

He gets angry at himself for not being more careful and adding in more details, all for the sake of just being with you the whole time, seeing you happy and satisified.

Yes, that's all Felix wants.

He wants to be the only one you smile at, the only one that gets to enjoy something so holy and beautiful like your love and your touch.

The doorbell snaps him out of his thoughts and after paying the delivery guy, Felix sits alone and eats his dinner while thinking of ways to correct his mistakes.

You were not gonna slip from his fingers.

This won't be ruined for him.

You open your eyes and turn to see Felix already awake, on his side, his head propped on his hand as he stares at you lovingly.

"Good morning, my angel." he smiles at you.

"M-morning. I- ugh... I feel weird. I think I had a nightmare." your throat is dry as you swallow and Felix grabs the glass of water, bringing it to your lips.

"What kind of nightmare?"

"Well, there was nothing outside- outside the windows. And you got mad and started throwing stuff around. You really scared me."

"Oh my love, that would never happen." Felix quickly wraps his arms around you. "Everything outside is fine too, look." he turns you both towards the window and sure enough, everything looks normal.

"I'm so glad it was just a dream. I never want us to fight or anything." you whimper and Felix shushes you.

"Everything is perfect, my love. And I will make sure it stays that way." Felix mutters into your hair before pressing a few sweet kisses there.

"It's my last free day before going to work. Let's enjoy it together, without you worrying your pretty head about anything, hm?" he adds and you nod with a chuckle.

Felix and you decide to go bowling and then out for lunch, topping the outing off with a nice walk near the beach and everything seems perfect again; nothing like the bad dream you had or the unsettling feeling in your stomach.

No, that feeling was replaced with butterflies as Felix smiled lovingly at you, telling you how much he loves you.

When you got home, you spent hours in each other's embrace, connected as one.

Everything was beautiful, the way it was supposed to be.

It's Monday and Felix makes his way to work.

The bell on the door chimes as he opens it, eyes looking up at him from the counter.

He smiles wide as he enters.

"Hi, Lix!" you smile innocently at him.

"Hey, y/n." he smiles back, the voices in his head telling him he's sick but he ignores them.

"How was your vacation? Did something fun?" you ask, always so sweet, so polite, so pretty.

"Oh yeah. It was amazing." he nods at you.

You smile, not wanting to pry too much, unaware of what Felix has been doing for almost two years since he started working with you.

As soon as he saw you for the first time, Felix swears he felt Cupid shoot his arrow right into his heart. You were so beautiful, so pure like an angel.

Always smiling, always nice with everyone. The sound of your laughter melodious inside the cafe, echoing off the walls.

You always gave extra sweets to kids.

You always stayed behind to clean up.

You always offered to help out.

He wanted to have you all to himself.

He wanted to capture your beauty and innocence and hold it in the palm of his hand, have it exist only for him.

Yes, Felix could've confessed or asked you out.

But then you would see how boring he is, how he has nothing to offer to you.

You'd leave him, you'd smile at someone else, your attention wouldn't be only directed towards him.

Felix started staying behind with you, under the guise of helping you out just to get more information about where you live, what you enjoy, what you dislike, what your hobbies are.

It wasn't enough.

He became obsessed.

Felix learned your schedule and started breaking into your house.

At first, he stole some panties and went through all your stuff, reading your diaries, going through your photographs, taking your privacy away from you without you having a clue about it.

But then it became worse as he would wait for you to come home, his body cramped under your bed.

He would watch you get undressed, listen to you touch yourself on your bed, his cock straining against his pants and he couldn't do anything about it except squeeze it occasionally.

Embarassingly, he came into his pants while only listening to you more times than he'd like to admit.

It wasn't enough.

Felix was hungry for more.

That's how he came to the idea to steal your dna and feed it to the new AI system he was working on in his spare time.

He had to collect enough of it to have the ai take on your personality, the one he loved and admired so much.

Felix spent hours and hours coding and working on the program, until finally he could use it.

It was everything he wanted and more.

You were happy there.

You were his there.

Here, in the real world, you were just coworkers and that fact started bothering Felix more and more.

Unaware of his intentions, you smiled at Felix and he smiled back at you.

It was time to take another step so he could have you for real this time.

Tonight, you were gonna become his and there was no way to escape.

Felix was gonna show you how happy he can make you, only him.

You're going to be right where you belong.

taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @laylasbunbunny @porangporangmeong @jeonginslefthand @laughatdanger @sapphirewaves @simpforleeknaur @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @starlost-mochi-x @saintcosette @ooshyana @frehyun

[rafesangelita]

rafe fingering you hard till your crying and begging him to stop but he won't until you squirt multiple times

warnings: mean!rafe, fingering, squirting, slight overstimulation, crying, begging, rafe being a lil mean

“r-rafe, please,” you mewled, pushing your head against your boyfriend’s chest. “ah, fuck- listen to that, ‘you hear how fucking wet you are?” he groaned into your ear, his fingers thrusting into you at an unforgiving speed. “s’too much!” your hand wrapped around his wrist in a poor attempt to stop him. “if you do that one more time i’m not gonna stop until you’re crying.” your thighs closed around his hand, a whimper falling from your lips as you shook in his hold.

rafe cursed, pulling his digits out of your sopping cunt in order to force your legs open. “maybe next time you’ll remember to watch that fucking mouth of yours.” his fingers plunged inside of you once more, eliciting a moan from both of you. the way his digits were curling inside of you, paired with his thumb rubbing your clit, it wasn’t long before you were seeing stars, your soaked pussy fluttering around his fingers as you fell over the edge of pure euphoria.

rafe didn’t make any effort to slow his movements down, actually doing the opposite until the wet squelches of your cunt became too much for you to handle. “wait! i think i’m-” rafe covered your mouth, a smile forming on his lips as his hand muffled your scream. you felt the wet sensation before you saw the mess, your boyfriend trailing sloppy kisses in the curve of your neck. “shhh..” rafe finally started easing you through the after shocks of your orgasm, his hand coming to a stop.

you had tears running down your cheeks at this point, your chest rising and falling with each breath. “what was it that you said to topper again? ‘take me home since rafe doesn’t want to.’” he scoffed, moving from behind you and laying you on his pillows. “how do you think that sounds, hmm? how do you think i feel when i hear my girl asking my friend to take her home?” rafe hovered above you, his wet fingertips tracing shapes on your inner thighs.

you shook your head, cupping his face as he stared down at you with the darkest gaze you’ve ever seen. “i won’t do it again, i promise. ‘just wanted to leave the party already..” rafe nodded, everything you said going in one ear and out the other. “well you got what you wanted, now you have to take it.” without warning, he inserted his fingers again, making your body jolt at the sudden intrusion. “you’re gonna give me two more.” rafe felt his cock harden at your choked sob, your hysterics only turning him on even more.

[dollfacefantasy]

How’d you think frank would react to reader in subspace! You’re literally one of the only people writing for frank and your writing is so so brilliant!🙂‍↕️

frank castle x fem!reader cw: mdni (18+), smut at the beginning but after that it's just fluff, brief daddy kink a/n: thank you so much angel <33 i gotta keep my fellow frank freaks fed 😤

frank knows you're dropping from the broken whine you let out and the way your hands become grabby, pulling at his shoulders to try and get him as close as physically possible. you always get that way when you start to sink.

he has you on your back beneath his muscular frame, your knees hooked over his shoulders while his cock batters your pussy. his pelvis slams against your center over and over in rough thrusts. he's just pounding you in search of his release.

you'd already cum twice. once on his tongue and once on his cock. the static of overstimulation chipped away at your sensibilities and made you vulnerable. it left you needing him. depending on him.

"just one more for me, baby. c'mon. i know you got it in you," he grunts as his eyes flutter.

"mmm... frankie," you whine. your glossy eyes search to connect with him amidst the haze of lust surrounding you. you babble out the next word while blinking slowly. "daddy..."

he groans at the slurred quality of it. "i'm right here, sweetheart. just gotta cum for me. squeeze me nice and tight."

in this state of mind, defiance isn't an option. you feel your belly starting to flutter along with your legs beginning to flex. the orgasmic spool inside you unravels as though his words work as a direct physical command.

you cry out and arch your back. your arms loop around his neck to cling to him like you're at risk of losing him. your teeth dig into your bottom lip as more choked, pitiful sounds explode out of you. he can feel tears leak from your eyes against his shoulder. you're so close to his ear that he can hear the soft sniffles.

"that's my baby. that's my girl. my good fuckin' girl. so fuckin' good for me, fuck," he grumbles against your skin, his own words trailing off and becoming incoherent.

he presses down on you harder to the point that you're completely squished against the mattress under his weight. his cock is so deep inside you that it'd probably hurt if you were more lucid.

most of the time, he was more gentle with you. everywhere but the bedroom, he treated you as though you were a tiny doll made of glass. when he was close like this though, on the brink draining his balls inside you, being careful felt like something only possible in dreams.

he crashes over the edge hard, growling against your neck and clutching the sheets. his breath comes out in ragged pants as pure euphoria washes through him. you let out tiny squeaks below him, but they're not of much concern right now.

it's after the blissful fog settles that he tends to you.

he rolls off of you once he's almost all the way down. his back hits the bed, and cool air flows between both of your bodies. you lie there for a few moments as if you're dead. if not for the quick rise and fall of your chest, that's what someone may think. your eyes stare at the ceiling, blank and unthinking. tears trail down your temples.

after a few seconds, you start to turn onto your side. you curl up, pupils still cloudy and face void of any specific emotion. in these brief eclipses after sex and before totally settling down, your mind gets stuck in a weird limbo. all you can think about is him. you want him holding you, touching you, taking care of you. but you can't ask for it. can't verbalize the desire for any of that. in the beginning stages of your relationship, he thought you were trying to forget he was beside you.

but now he knows better.

he places a hand on the divot in your waist and pulls you back to him, not letting you draw in on yourself. his nose brushes behind your ear while his lips plant soft kisses on your throat.

"no hiding from me, babydoll. you did so good," he whispers. his hand caress your warm skin, trying to reel you back to him.

you still don't have any words, but your muscles relax for him in an instant. he can feel it under his fingers.

"that's right. i got you, daddy's got you," he mumbles, "let's get you cleaned up."

he rises to his feet on his side of your bed and drags your limp body across it so he can hoist you up into his arms. in your more playful moments, he might throw you over his shoulder, tease you about how he used to have to carry guys like this when he was in the marines. but you're not giggling or squirming right now, so he doesn't.

he scoops you up like a bride and walks over to the bathroom in your apartment. that's when you start coming back a little. you nuzzle at his chest, your warm breath fanning across his muscle.

"there she is," he mumbles.

inside the bathroom, he sits you on the countertop. you lean back against the mirror while he goes to turn on the shower. the surface is cool on your skin. your eyes flutter shut as you relax a bit more.

only seconds later, he's back in front of you. he stands between your thighs and cups your face in one large hand. as quickly as they shut, your eyes pop back open to look at him.

"how're you feeling, pretty girl?" he asks, voice quiet and rough.

you nod in response as if it's a yes or no question. pushing off the mirror, you drape your arms around his shoulders again and press your face to his skin.

"'m ok," you sigh, "just a little sleepy."

"yeah, you are," he says with the hint of a smile gracing his features, "you can knock out as soon as we're done, ok? just let me take care of you."

again, you nod. you never had any objections to handing control over to frank. he lifts you from the counter again and walks into the shower with you.

the hot water streams down onto your bodies below. it trickles from his skin to yours, relaxing both of your muscles. you shut your eyes and keep your head on his shoulder. his fingers twirl in small patterns on your back as he sets you down. the tile is cold on the soles of your feet. you still have to lean against him for balance.

vaguely, you feel his hands running over your body. they’re slippery, slicked up with your sweet-smelling body wash. you swear you hear his deep voice humming, vibrating in his chest beneath your ear, but it could be your imagination.

in total, it feels like the shower is only seconds long. you know you’ve been in there for longer, you felt him run through your whole routine. but time melts away in your mind when you're in this state.

as soon as you’ve acclimated to the smooth surface underfoot, he’s guiding you off of it and onto the cushioned mat outside the shower. you stand there, managing a few lazy blinks.

he laughs softly at that. “few more minutes, sleepy girl.”

with an old towel from the rack, he dries you off. he’s quick but thorough, getting every last little bead of water off of you without being tedious about it.

he scoops you back up after that. your arms and legs latch around him, holding on as he carries you to the bedroom and plops you down on the bed.

“time for sleep?” you yawn, stretching your limbs a bit.

"nice try but you gotta put on some clothes, baby. don't want you catching a cold," he says before heading over to the dresser and grabbing a top for you along with some panties.

"that's not how it works, y'know," you correct while lazily watching him return to you. he tosses the scraps of fabric next to your body on the mattress.

"oh you're a doctor now, huh?" he mutters before tapping your ankle, "put your legs up."

you do as he says without complaint, lifting your legs high into the air so he can pull your panties over them.

"i'm just saying, i wouldn't get sick from sleeping naked," you yawn.

shaking his head, he grabs one of your outstretched arms to pull you up right. despite regaining your ability to speak, you still looked at him with that same dreamy smile you got when you were blissed out.

he tugs the sweatshirt over your head. it was one of his, one of the newer, softer ones you'd bought for him. he'd owned it just long enough and worn it the right amount of times needed for it to smell like him.

"there you go," he says softly and pulls you to his chest for a few seconds. he just feels you in his arms for a moment, pressed against him, safe and sound. as much as you loved being babied, part of the reason he took care of you was for himself too.

he kisses your forehead and then lets you lie down.

"you get comfy, babydoll. i'm gonna put some clothes on, and then i'll be right back," he says before departing to tend to himself for a few minutes.

when he does come back, he's surprised you haven't passed out already. instead, you're tucked under the blankets and curled up to a pillow, waiting for him. you reach out with another grabby hand to signal your desire for him.

"i'm coming," he mutters as he rolls onto the mattress beside you and loops his muscular arm behind your head.

you nuzzle right up to his chest, draping your own limbs over his body. he feels your lips lay a small kiss on his chest.

"get some sleep, baby. don't want you to be all cranky in the morning," he murmurs and shifts a little to engulf you with his frame.

"you're the one who gets cranky..." you reply. but you follow along anyways and shut your eyes. his body heat combined with your soft bedding has you drifting off in no time.

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Ghost Letting You Watch Him Masturbate

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Desperate! Ghost, Touch-Starved! Ghost, Dominant! Ghost, Edging, Assisted Masturbation, Guided Masturbation, The Mask Stays On, No Pronouns Used For Reader Except ‘You’.

He loves the way you watch him so intently as his hand works the shaft of his aching cock, the tip red and angry as he staves off his orgasm just to let you watch for a little bit longer. You come closer, on hands and knees, and sit before him, just shy of the area between his legs. The danger zone.

The sound of squelching is obscene, as is the sight of his dick glistening with pre. If he pulled his hand away, strings of it would cling to his palm, beckoning – begging – him to return.

He can hardly refuse you when you ask him if you can touch it. Touch him.

He nods, pulls his hand away enough so that you can slip yours beneath his. His hand is sticky as it clamps down around yours. He guides you, starting out with light strokes, mindful of the euphoria building just below his stomach again. Raw. Fresh.

When you’re more confident in this rhythm, you grip him a little tighter. Look up into Ghost’s half-lidded eyes. He nods, but can’t find the energy to lift his head back up. He’s looking down at you, his mask concealing all but the lethargic lust in his eyes. And when you start to move faster, he thinks he can feel Heaven. His slick hand is tight – nigh crushing – over yours, making you squeeze him tighter, harder. God, harder.

And when your fingers graze the sensitive skin of his tip, his head almost rolls back, his eyes screwing shut. He gasps, and his breath shutters

He knows that this won’t be like all the other times when it was just him all alone in his room, or the barracks, or the showers. He can feel it in the rapid tightening of his balls, one hanging lower than the other, in the knotting in his stomach. He feels his vein twitch – the one you’d been so curiously eyeing earlier – when you gaze up at him from beneath your lashes, eyes soft. You come closer. Sat between his legs now. He’s oozing from the tip; an effect only you can have. He’d have been embarrassed were he not in the crosshairs of what he could tell would be one of the most excruciating orgasms he’s ever had.

He’s panting now, watching you as, with soft fingers, you work the tip, spreading his juices across it, down his shaft. When you come back up, clenching your fingers around his tip, he hisses. Jolts. When you try to retract, concern evident in the furrow of your brow, he snatches your hand back, gripping your wrist and enclosing your hand around him once more.

“Keep goin’,' he pants. His eyes glisten beneath the fluorescence of the dim bulb above you.

“Please.”

And you do. You squeeze and squelch and slide your hand along the length of him until your arm aches and his back is arching out of his chair, head lolling back as thick globs of cum spurt out from the tip. No warning. Just the explosion and its aftermath.

His grip around your hand tightens. You wince, but he doesn’t notice. He’s growling, guttural and animal, teeth gritted beneath his mask. He can feel his eyes strain with how far back into his skull they’ve rolled.

His stomach gradually becomes soaked in a viscous, milky spray. You’re sure you can see his shaft pulsating with every pump of his semen – like water through a pipe – emptying himself. Some of it gets caught in the hairs leading down from his belly button, thicker as they reach the pubic area.

His chest heaves. His hand is still around yours, looser now. But not by much. Keeping you there.

He musters the strength to look down at you again. Your eyes follow the beads of cum weeping from his tip as they cover his hand, staining the expanse of his scarred skin. He lets you go. Watches you watch the glossy beads of his release meet your hand. Warm and wet.

He’ll teach you how to take him with your mouth next time; teach you to work your tongue just how he likes it. He’ll watch you swallow all of him. He’ll forge the satisfaction of knowing that his cum will be swimming inside your stomach.

His. From the inside.

Heavy breathing; a hand tilting your chin up so your eyes meet his; a slim, crooked smile beneath his mask. He promises.

Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)

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[absinthe-over-tea]

either way it's gonna || the pitt

pt 4 <<prev • next>>

pairing: jack abbott x f!resident!reader quick synopsis: When Langdon leaves The Pitt for rehab, Robby hires you as a new senior resident. Meeting Jack on your first day spirals into a year of almosts and miscommunication — all you know is either way this goes, it's going to hurt. Inspired by Hurt by Jasmine Jethwa. warnings: age gap (older man/younger woman), canon-typical death, probably a gross amount of medical inaccuracies, vague allusions to reader's past a/n: Welcome to part 4, featuring an absurd level of conclusion jumping and miscommunication between these two fucking morons. Thanks to everyone who's hopped along for the ride! This one's a little angsty, and longer than the last two updates (close to 4.1k). Pls let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list! Not beta read.

“We’re not talking about it.”

“Did I just see what I think I saw?” Robby asked, undeterred. Jack was still reeling, both from the euphoria of having your lips on his and the hurt of you running away. 

“I said we’re not talking about it.”  

“Because I think I just saw you making out with my favorite resident.” The grin on Robby’s face grew with every word he spoke and every step he took toward where Jack was still planted next to the railing. 

Jack rolled his eyes. “Collins is your favorite resident,” he corrected. “And we’re not talking about it.” 

“Favorite residents are like best friends, you can have more than one,” his friend waved off the technicality. “And it feels like you’re purposefully avoiding the point.”  

“It feels like you’re purposefully avoiding the fact that I said we’re not talking about it.” 

For one, blessed minute, they stood there in silence, Jack’s brain still trying to fully catch up to what the hell just happened over the course of the last five minutes. 

Of course, it didn’t last for long. 

“You know, I’m a little hurt that you brought her up here,” Robby nudged his shoulder against Jack’s. “I always kind of considered it our spot.” 

Jack groaned. God, he was such a little shit. “I’m going to push you off this roof.” 

“But then I’d be wheeled into your OR, Dr. Abbot.”  

“And I’d have them stick you in a room with Myrna. I saw she’s back at Casa de la Pitt tonight,” he threatened, pulling himself off the railing to head back inside. Patients were waiting, and not for the first time, Jack was extremely grateful for the distraction of a 12-hour shift ahead of him. 

After that shift ended, Jack didn’t go back to the roof like he usually would’ve. Instead, he went outside to that bench in the park where the day shift sometimes drinks after a hard day, beer in hand despite the morning hour. 

The universe had clearly been plotting against him — it had been a mostly quiet night in the ED. Not even Shen pointing out the fact (followed by Parker throwing a wadded up paper ball at the side of his head) had picked up the pace. And while that meant fewer people hurt or sick and no one lost on his watch, it also meant plenty of down time for paperwork and overthinking what happened between you two on the roof. It didn’t help that he was clearly in a shit mood, and everyone gave him a wide berth throughout the evening. Even Walsh had stayed clear, only grumbling once about a chest tube he’d put in.

Kissing you was…fuck, he hadn’t felt like that in over a decade. It was like jumping off the deep end and coming home all at the same time. But the way you’d reacted when Robby opened the door? You couldn’t get away fast enough. Were you ashamed of being seen with him? Did you regret it? 

And the more Jack thought about it, the more angry with himself he got. 

You’d had a horrible day. The case with the teenager and her dad had clearly shaken you to your core, though Jack didn’t fully understand why. You’d cried in his arms! And what had he done? Taken advantage of the situation and your willingness to be vulnerable with him for his own personal gain and gratification. He was an attending, for fuck’s sake. You were a senior resident. And it didn’t matter that you were on different shifts, he was still technically a superior. It was entirely inappropriate of him, even if you had been the one to kiss him first. 

“Are we still not talking about it?” Robby plopped down on the bench next to him, two to-go cups in hand. 

“No.” 

“Shen said you snapped at Ellis over a blood draw she could do in her sleep, and you’re out here drinking a beer at 7 a.m. Feels like maybe you need to talk about it.” The teasing from the previous night was gone, replaced by concern and that tone Jack recognized as a warning he wasn’t going to let something go. 

Jack took a deep breath. Might as well get this over with. “There’s nothing to talk about. I fucked up. She ran away.” 

“Well yeah, she ran. She was embarrassed.” Robby was looking at him like he was stupid for thinking it possible you’d react any other way. And while Jack knew he was stupid, hearing his friend lay it out so plainly was still hurtful.

“Exactly,” he grumbled, hand raised to take another swig of his beer. Robby leaned over to snatch it out of his hand before he could and replaced it with a warm to-go cup. Chamomile, by the smell of it.  

“Not embarrassed of you, dipshit. Embarrassed at having been caught by her boss.” 

“But why be embarrassed if she didn’t regret it?” He balanced the cup on the bench next to him, leaning forward to bury his head in his hands. “Let’s be realistic about this. She’s young, she’s beautiful, she’s incredibly competent, she’s got her whole life ahead of her. The last thing she wants is a middle-aged man with a dead wife, PTSD, and half a right leg.” 

“Have you thought about asking her?” He suggested it like it would be easy, just a casual conversation to be had in the lounge. 

With a sigh Robby stood up, putting a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Look, I know you and I don’t generally do the mushy shit, but I need you to hear me when I say this.” Jack looks up to meet his eyes. “Don’t sell yourself short, brother. Or her, for that matter. You deserve to be happy.” 

He didn’t wait for a response before walking back toward the hospital entrance, leaving Jack alone on the bench to mull over his words. 

*** 

You hadn’t been able to get Jack alone. You’d come in early and stayed late, hoping to talk to him about what happened on the roof, apologize for running away like that. But he was constantly in motion, always with a patient or Robby or one of the other residents. 

You were positive he was avoiding you, not that you could blame him. 

Kissing him was… fuck, you didn’t know if you’d ever felt like that during a first kiss in your life. You’d been so consumed by it, by him, that you’d forgotten everything — where you were, who you were, what had happened before he joined you on the roof, all of it.  

Well, at least until Robby had walked through the door. And then it all came crashing back in an instant — the teenager you couldn’t save and the way her dad had screamed in your face just like yours used to, the fact that you’d just made an absolute mess of Jack’s scrub top sobbing like a child in his arms, how absolutely unprofessional you were being making out with an attending at work. 

So you’d bolted. Like a coward.  

It definitely wasn’t your finest moment. You hadn’t even told Heather about any of it, though you were sure Robby had said something. They may technically still be exes, but they told each other everything, and every time you spoke to your boss lately, he eyed you with barely concealed glee that caused your face to flush. 

You wanted to tell him that you’d just panicked, that you didn’t want your boss to think less of you or that you were throwing yourself at an attending the first chance you got, that you couldn’t stop thinking about it or him or what it all meant. 

But that would have required him to look at you. To speak to you about anything other than patient care. 

A week went by, and then two, and your desire to apologize morphed into irritation at his behavior. Two turned to three, and your irritation turned into anxiety. Maybe you had it all wrong. Maybe the reason he pulled away so definitively wasn’t because he felt rejected. Maybe this was him rejecting you. 

By the time a month had passed, you’d accepted Jack’s behavior for what it was: a boundary. You were a resident, and he was an attending, and what happened on the roof was nothing more than a hard day and a lapse in both of your judgments. 

Then Langdon got out of rehab. 

“Are you sure?” Heather asked after the informal residents staff meeting where you volunteered to move to nights to accommodate his return to the schedule. 

“McKay has a kid, Mel has her sister, Samira is the only thing standing between Gloria firing Robby over day shift patient satisfaction scores and med students and interns aren’t allowed to be on permanent night shift,” you repeated the same rationale you said in the meeting when Robby asked if you were sure. 

“I could have switched,” she pointed out gently, shoulder nudging yours as you walked side by side back to the ED.

“You’re the chief resident, and the best teacher we have other than Robby,” you argue back. Instead of acknowledging the sympathetic look you could see her giving you out of the corner of your eye, you knocked her with your elbow, waggled your eyebrows dramatically, and did what you did best: deflected. “Plus, you and I both know you’d get cranky without your daily dose of Michael Robinavich.” 

She snorted, rolling her eyes, but otherwise didn’t take the bait. She studiously avoided naming whatever weird exes-to-coworkers-to-definitely-more-than-coworkers-but-infuriatingly-less-than-lovers situationship she had going on with Robby regardless of how many sly remarks you made about it. “What are you going to do about Jack?” 

You still hadn’t told her about what exactly happened on the roof. Just that he’d made it clear he wasn’t interested, and you were respecting his choices. You could tell she didn’t believe that was all there was to the story, and god knows what Robby had or hadn’t told her, but she thankfully hadn’t pushed further. 

The man in question came into view as you stepped back through the doors of the ED. He was leaned up against the nurses station looking over a tablet and talking to Dana, still in his street clothes. The black tshirt fit tighter over his arms than his scrubs, and his hair still looked a little damp, like he’d taken a shower and hadn’t bothered to dry it before heading in.

You sighed, turning around to put him out of eyesight. “Nothing to be done. He’s a great doctor; I’m sure I’ll learn a lot from him.” 

Heather leveled you with a stern look, eyes pointedly glancing behind you. You made the mistake of turning to follow her gaze to where Robby was handing over the new schedule, ostensibly breaking the news to Jack about his newest night shift senior resident.

Hazel eyes whipped locked on you from across the room, and you quickly turned back around. You didn’t want to see whatever reaction he was going to have to you joining his service. 

Heather was still looking at you, arms crossed and one perfect eyebrow raised. But true to form, she didn’t push. 

You gave her a sad smile, grateful for your coworker turned friend. “It’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. Pinky promise.” 

You showed up to your first night shift with a cup of steaming hot black coffee from the hospital lobby cafe, sliding it across the counter to Jack. He glanced up from the patient chart he was working on, eyebrows raised in an maddeningly unreadable expression. 

You huffed out a sigh and straightened your shoulders. “I want to learn, and I want to do good work on your service.” You gave no other explanation, hoping he would read between the lines. Please don’t make this personal. Please don’t reject me here, too. 

He sat there, eyes locked on yours, for a beat too long. He wanted to say something — you could feel it in the weight of the silence, see it in the hard swallow he took like the words were caught in his throat. You felt the buzz of anxiety creep up your neck, but you refused to squirm. You met his stare unwaveringly. 

After what felt like an age, he sighed, and you saw the way his eyes softened almost into something resembling sadness and his shoulders deflated just slightly before he nodded. As if he were the one giving something up and you the one taking it. The move flared a split second of anger in your chest at the audacity for him to act like the one spurned when you were the one who’d put everything on the line, the one who had been rejected. 

But then Shen’s voice broke through. “You know, I heard they were letting a daywalker join us, but I didn’t fully believe it.”  

With a final tap on the counter with your fist, you tore your eyes away from Jack and plastered a smug smirk on your face as Shen sauntered up with two Dunkin iced coffees in hand. “For you,” he held out one. “Call it an official welcome to night shift.” 

“Should I be concerned about what’s in this?” you joked, holding the light-colored liquid up to the light as if to inspect it. 

Jack’s quiet chuckle startled you so much, you nearly jumped. “I guarantee there’s more sugar than coffee in that thing,” he quipped. Shen flipped him off but didn’t deny it. 

When you spared a glance over at him, eyebrows raised, he met your eyes with a small smile. You mirrored it with one of your own. A truce. An implicit promise that this would be okay. 

And as you settled into a new rhythm and a new schedule, things were, shockingly, okay. 

Turns out, you loved the night shift. You’d always been a night owl by nature, and your sleep schedule adjusted quickly. Getting off at 7 a.m. also meant you could swing by to visit your mom during breakfast visiting hours, and she was generally much less irritable earlier in the day. Traffic was easier to navigate. 

But beyond the logistics of night shift, you also loved the work. There was less oversight, more freedom. You were able to learn and practice procedures you’d never get to see on day shift. The cases were often harder, but more rewarding. 

Ellis and Shen were quick to bring you in on the night shift gossip, including Jesse’s insufferable crush on Mike, the security guard. (And you had to admit that Jesse had good taste because that man was fine.) And you loved getting to learn from them. They were both so solid. Quick to act during a crisis, but just as quick to relax in the lulls. Everything seemed to roll off their backs in a way you envied. 

And then there was Jack — Dr. Abbot, you tried to remind yourself to keep him firmly in that box. 

You hadn’t worked with him that much when you were on day shift, had only seen glimpses of his leadership and mentorship style, how he interacted with patients. Seeing him fully in his element was different. He was still firm, decisive, an “ER Cowboy,” as Walsh called him. But he was also somehow softer in the wee hours of the morning. 

He made bets with Ellis on who could make the most paper baskets (Ellis won every time — she’d played field hockey in undergrad and Jack’s far-sighted vision wasn’t what it used to be), he gave Shen constant shit for his beverage choices (I’m just saying, someone drinking iced anything when it’s 38 degrees outside is cause for concern). He was kind to patients, took his time especially with the kids. 

People were intimidated by him on day shift, the rough around the edges vet. But on the night shift? People adored him. 

It was somewhat disorienting, but also completely endearing. Which made his continued distance with you twist painfully in your chest. 

He was a consummate professional, a fantastic teacher. Told you when you did a good job on a case, corrected you with a gentle hand when needed, never once treated you unfairly compared to the others. But it was different, he kept you at a distinct personal distance, and you weren’t the only one who noticed. 

“Okay, what’s up with you and Abbot?” Ellis asked point-blank one night during a lull, fully leaned over the nurses station with a half-eaten protein bar in her hand. “There’s a pool going, and the guesses are starting to get a bit ridiculous.” 

“Someone should seriously look into whether this ED has a gambling problem,” you muttered under your breath, taking a sip from your water bottle but otherwise keeping your focus on the patient chart on the screen in front of you. 

She snorted. “If the hospital paid nurses and PAs what they should, they wouldn’t have to run a gambling ring for their vacation funds. Let them live.” Touché. “Come on,” she whined. “Just give me a hint. Secretly divorced? Secretly married? You know, he would be the type to keep his marriage a secret at work so he could keep pretending to be all professional about working with you.” 

“I hate to disappoint, but there’s nothing up with me and Dr. Abbot.”

You hit save on the chart and exited out, pushing away from the computer. It was time for a break — your stomach growled — and a snack. 

“I don’t believe you!” she called after you. You just waved her off as you headed to the lounge for a water refill and the apple slices and peanut butter you had stashed in the fridge. 

Despite the apparent second betting pool about you and your attending, it was easy to settle into a routine. 

Come in and chat with Heather and Dana for a bit to catch up on any day shift gossip before they left for the night. Tackle patients until the mid-night lull. Try not to let it get to you when you caught Jack laughing with Shen or teasing Walsh. Grab some food and a coffee refill before catching up on charting. Finish off the shift with the morning rush before handoff with day shift. Pretend you don’t linger a little longer than necessary at the nurses station in the hopes that maybe Jack would ask if you wanted to grab breakfast and talk. Rinse and repeat. 

At least, until the night of the robbery gone wrong.  

She was young. A vet, dog tags around her neck. Four stab wounds in her abdomen, one slashing right through a Semper Fi tattoo on her ribs. She’d realistically already lost too much blood by the time she came in, but that hadn’t stopped Jack from hanging blood bags and pushing meds, doing his damndest to plug the holes. When she coded before surgery could even arrive, he’d done compressions for far longer than protocol demanded. 

Shen had tried to get him to call it. Ellis had stepped in when that hadn’t worked. You knew better than to interfere, could see it in his eyes and the set of his jaw that nothing any of you said or did would move him. The three of you weren’t vets, none of you fully understood. 

In the end, Walsh was the one who got through to him. They usually argue like cats and dogs over patients, but she said something to him too quiet for you to make out, her eyes locked on his and her hands covering his on the patient’s chest. 

His movements slowed, the only sounds in the room his labored breaths and the steady drone of the flatline on the heart rate monitor. She called it when he didn’t. Time of death, 3:53. 

All at once, it was like he came back to himself, as if realizing he was in a Pittsburgh ER and not an Afghanistan field hospital. A few deep breaths, and he was stepping back and tearing off his gown and gloves. Unflappable Dr. Abbot mask firmly back in place, almost like it was never off. Almost.  

He went back to work after, like it had been any other case, any other loss. You all knew it was a lie, but no one seemed keen to call him on it. 

When her husband arrived, Jack went out to greet them. Accompanied him to the morgue. After, he excused himself, said he needed some air. Notably, he went out through the waiting room and not upstairs to the roof, which somehow worried you even more. You asked Shen if someone should go check on him, but the other attending shook his head. 

“He’s always like this when we lose a veteran, but he hates anyone trying to talk to him about it. Nearly bit Parker’s head off one time after she tried convincing him to take the night off,” he shrugged. “Said he didn’t need to be coddled. None of us like it, but we all learned a long time ago to leave him be.” 

Despite Shen’s assurances that he’d be fine, you couldn’t help yourself from keeping an extra eye on him the rest of shift. At first glance, he always seemed fine. But you also saw the way his jaw stayed tense, the rigidity in his shoulders that went beyond his typical good posture, the faraway look in his eyes. 

You recognized it all. You knew what it looked like to barely be holding yourself together, to be clutching onto the broken pieces of yourself so hard your hands bled. You knew what it felt like to not want to let anyone treat the wounds because admitting they’re there meant risking falling apart completely. 

So at the end of shift, you didn’t linger at the nurses station to wait for him. Instead, you snuck away a few minutes early, took the elevator to the top floor, parked yourself at the top of the stairs to the roof, and waited. 

He stopped short when you came into view, body blocking his exit path.

“I’m fine.” The croak of his voice sounded anything but fine. Angry. Devastated. Guilt-ridden. Of course, you didn’t think there was a shot in hell of him admitting to any of that. At least not here. 

“I don’t recall asking,” you said instead, leaned back with your elbows propped up on the step behind you. Your voice was hard, a razor edge to it that you hadn’t purposefully employed in years. Not since your dad died. “Roof’s closed tonight.” 

Shen said he didn’t want to be coddled? Fine, you wouldn’t coddle him. But you damn sure weren’t going to let him torture himself two feet from a 22-story drop. 

He just stood there, glaring at you with his hands on his hips. Under different circumstances, the hard lines of his face and the coldness in his eyes turned against you would make you squirm. Make you question whether you were crossing one of the many invisible lines he’d drawn over the past couple of months. But you steeled yourself against it tonight; this was about something bigger than a romantic rejection, and you wouldn’t let your fear of that stop you from being there for him as a friend and colleague. Whether he wanted you there or not. 

You met his glare with your own, chin raised and lips pursed. A challenge. 

A door opening several floors down is what finally broke the silent standoff, both of your attention momentarily shifting to the voices bouncing off the cinder block stairwell walls. With the tension stretched thin between you two cut, his entire body seemed to soften. You watched as some of the anger seeped out of him, replaced with a bone-deep exhaustion. 

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” he asked when his eyes met yours again. 

“I’ve been told I can be quite stubborn,” you confirmed, doing your best not to let a smile creep up on your face. You could tell from the look on his face that you’d won this round — he wasn’t going to fight you on this. 

He sighed, raking a hand through his salt and pepper curls. 

“Come on,” you stood, smoothing your hands over the thighs of your pant scrubs and stowing your stethoscope in your pocket. “If you want to brood with a view of the skyline, you can do it at my place over breakfast. We both need a meal from somewhere that isn’t this hospital, and I don’t feel like being alone.” 

You both knew that the last bit was for his benefit, a way for him to pretend this was about what you wanted and not what he needed. But he didn’t argue with you or scoff at your demand. Instead, he just turned and gestured for you to lead the way.

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[mitchmarner-93]

wait i saw ur trevorjamie? post and i am INTRIGUED what is that?? who are they? what is the backstory? please enlighten me??

hi op!! thank you for asking this question that i am Completely Normal about it. sending this ask is like asking the Cocaine Guy for some cocaine. of course i have some! now come take my hand and engage in ethically gray fandom practises with me. warning: this is going to be overly long (it is actually so long, i'm SO sorry). you might feel like i am actually a Cocaine Guy at some points because of the euphoria you will achieve (or because of how insane you might think i am). another warning: 99% of this based in fact and the other 1% is based in that beautiful gay area between fact and fiction.

trevorjamie is the hockey rpf ship between former (!!) anaheim ducks and now current (!!) philadelphia flyers forward trevor zegras, (drafted 9th overall in 2019) and former anaheim ducks and current philadelphia flyers defenseman jamie drysdale (drafted 7th overall in 2020)

an aside on trevor zegras

before we go into the backstory, i think the key to understanding the appeal of trevorjamie is to understand the appeal of trevor zegras. when i say appeal, three reasons come to mind:

his career can, as of right now, be divided into two parts: Trevor Zegras, Wonder Kid and Trevor Zegras, Wasted Potential. trevor the wonderkid spans his his first two (and a half if you count 20-21) seasons: back-to-back 60+ points (that's Really Good for a rookie/young player). finishes second in the rookie of the year voting. also appears on the 2023 NHL EA video game cover, which is A Big Deal, especially for such a young player. even makes a guest appearance at the 2022 NHL All-Star Game where he scores a goal blindfolded in the ugliest red and yellow get-up i've ever seen while NHL team mascots pelt him with dodgeballs (no, i am not making this up.) here's the video. throughout his first two years, he makes insane plays, including multiple michigans (a lacrosse style move that's really hard to land in hockey, much less NHL-level hockey). here's a webweave about trevor and Hockey that i think about Every Day. here's a video of his frankly mind-boggling highlights from his first two years. here's another. here's a webweave with quotes on how talented he is. from 2021 till 2023, trevor zegras is, for all intents and purposes, the young, sexy and talented face of the nhl. Trevor Zegras, Wasted Potential starts after he injures his ankle in 2024 and his goals/assists production falls off majorly for the next two years (we shall go more into why & how of Trevor Zegras, Wasted Potential later.) but either way, his hockey is always in the spotlight for being creative and unique.

the second reason is his personality. nhl players are notoriously criticized for being boring "robots" with no emotion and so when trevor zegras, the Lover Boy who wears his heart on his sleeve comes along, people are captivated by how open and genuine he is. he’s like that frat boy who was always admired and never loved. here's a post about a coach talking about how much trevor talks. here's a youtube compilation of his interviews (very old but it's all i could find). fun facts: he once tried to pick a fight with sidney crosby, probably the Most Respected hockey player on earth. he dated dixie d'amelio for a bit. he went to the 2022 & 2023 montreal grand prix (and repped mclaren with his nhl friends!) his instagram username is 'Z' and he posts like an influencer. in conclusion: he's just a twink tiktoker and tattooed greek man from the suburbs of new york who is occasionally Haunted By The Demons. and we love him for that!

the third and final reason that i personally love him is because he is a part of the 2019 U.S. National Team Development Program draft class (the 2001s.) the USNTDP was started as a junior program for elite highschool hockey players across the US, meant to foster team-bonding between american players from a young age and also give them a taste of the pro-life before the NHL that isn't college hockey or a foreign minor league. it is famous in the hockey rpf fandom for spawning some of the most codependent homoerotic friendships, from dylan larkin & zach werenski to will smith, ryan leonard & gabe perrault and of course, trevor zegras and his friends: jack hughes, cole caufield, alex turcotte, etc. the reason that this particular group/USNTDP class is so famous is because they are soo co-dependent that jack hughes (and his brothers who are also elite NHL players, luke & quinn hughes (quinn has the funniest beef with trevor)) bought a lakehouse in michigan (where the program is located) so that the boys can summer there every off-season. the lakehouse has now expanded to include a revolving door of The Hughes Friends, including umich (luke & quinn hughes' alma mater) & other college hockey players. this has, of course, spanned many fics across many ships and is an integral part of The Lore. the lore behind cole, jack and trevor's friendship is also insane (please peruse @/whirlpool-blog’s jhtz tag), but that's a problem for another day (if it intrigues you, have a scroll through the usntdp tag generally too). but yes, the dynamic between trevor & his friends is another fan favourite, with countless interviews and instagram #moments, if only because all rpfers yearn for one direction. (jack is zayn, trevor is harry and cole is niall. no i don't take constructive criticism).

tldr: trevor zegras is a loud, controversial, talented and loved player. now, in my opinion jamie drysdale - in contrast - is quiet, sweet and soft-spoken, aggressively canadian, a guitar player who also likes to cook and hates mornings. however, there are other takes out there like this one that beg to differ and make for an even more interesting dynamic. either way, together, they compliment each other. one is Insane and the other is So Nonchalant. we must fundamentally understand that to understand the appeal of trevorjamie.

now onto the actual question: the trevorjamie backstory.

now before we begin, i have taken a lot of help from the wonderful primers of @/somewhatinvested, linked here. i highly recommend a scroll through their blog, (esp their tzjd lore tag) as well as @/whirlpool-blogs, @/teex, @/bliksemflitsenblog, @/f1vegas, @/sergeifyodorov and @/zeegras because i am but an amateur and they are phd experts conducting their second thesis.

but here's my take, which includes Recent Happenings A.K.A. trevor is traded to philly A.K.A. the greatest moment of my life A.K.A. yaoi always wins.

the beginning: 2020-2021 season

even though they were drafted in 2019 and 2020 respectively, trevor and jamie first actually met when they played against each other in the 2021 world junior championships (which is A Big Deal for young hockey prospects) where trevor (who played for the US) was spotlighted for two reasons:

winning MVP of the tournament, after leading the tournament in scoring (and actually tying the all-time US world junior record)

making the most cocky comments, including saying this about the canadian team: "i don't think they've been tested by a real time yet.” right before the highly anticipated US-canada final.

jamie plays for the canadian team. the usa won the final. trevor had 2 goals and 1 assist in the final. jamie was, understandably, Pissed. now this was A Problem because they are going to be teammates and are also flying to anaheim together on the same plane (along with other californian prospects but that's irrelevant.) jamie allegedly did not want to talk to trevor at all on the flight. trevor forced them to make amends over chick-fil-a after. hence began the most epic enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers arc in 2021 as they roomed together in a hotel in irvine. they spend this time mostly playing for the minor league affiliate of the ducks, the gulls (if you do not know what a minor league is, think gulls is the f2 team of the ducks, an f1 team).

throughout the (shortened) 2020-21 season, they bounce back & forth between the ducks and the gulls. the whole time, they stay together in a hotel in irvine (along with two other prospects) even though they only overlap for 13 NHL games over the course of the 2020-21 season (they are called up at different times to the ducks). one of their other roommates, perrault, says that the two of them were the closest between the four roommates. when trevor is first called up to the NHL, he wears the suit that jamie wore to their US-canada final game (insane). despite playing only 13 NHL games together, they score their first NHL goals in the same game (jamie's first NHL game), only minutes apart (breaking the record for the closest NHL debut goals). jamie has a secondary assist on trevor's first goal. jamie is interviewed after the game and says that "it was a good night for our household." the photo of them celebrating trevor’s first goal is re-created by a fan. the painting is later hung in their shared apartment by trevor. they wear matching rose pins on the anniversary of their first goals a year later. #gay

jamie Panics: 2021-2022 season

when the new season starts in 21-22, trevorjamie have established themselves. they are ready to move on from the land of Hotel Nomads and Buy A House. trevor said that he assumed jamie and him were going to live together. however, jamie is asked by an older teammate to live with him and says yes. i wonder Why.

trevor ends up first living with two other teammates for a week and then later moves in with cole york, the older brother of one of USNTDP cult bros, cam york (remember the name because it will come up later). during this time, trevor adopts a lizard. no, i am not joking. i can only imagine the Yearning reached catastrophic levels. HOWEVER! the Hockey Gods intervene and jamie's roommate is traded halfway through the season. it is confirmed that trevor moved in with jamie at the end the season. #lovewins

the 2022 offseason is incredibly famous because of the troy terry (one of their teammate)'s wedding, where we had some prime trevorjamie moments. see @/somewhatinvested's primer. take particular notice of this photo, allegedly taken after the wedding when they are both hungover in a ski-lift in aspen:

boyfriends: 2022-2023 season

2022-2023 is notable because yes, trevor & jamie live together in an apartment (yes, that apartment where trevor hangs the fan painting of their celebration). but also because jamie gets injured after playing only eight games and instead of going home back to canada, like a normal player would, he stays with trevor in anaheim. for the rest of the season (a solid five months). truly insane. this gives us some amazing Domestic content, such as jamie cooking for them both, jamie playing the guitar for trevor, watching sunsets together on the rooftop connected to their apartment (including jamie allegedly taking the most romantic sunset trevor photos), cuddling on valentine's day together and of course, the infamous shared rooftop playlist (preluded by the apple music JamieTrevor playlist), which trevor and jamie both confirmed they listen to while watching the sunset together. some of the music in this playlist is truly insane. (side note: i highly recommend checking out jamie's spotify (it's actually his mom's spotify) playlist "California" because it is. insane. listening to those 11 songs with the implications of trevorjamie is a Crazy experience. also jamie has only added like 13-15 songs to the “Rooftop”playlist and the summer trevor got a girlfriend he removed “Lover” by Taylor Swift and added it to his “California” playlist. god they make me unhinged)

in the 2023 offseason, trevor, jamie and USNTDP buddy cam york (there he is again!) go to stagecoach together. trevor and jamie are, predictably, weird about each other. trevor sets up him and jamie up with two models. stuff gets messy. here's a primer. here's more lore about trevorjamie being weird about their girlfriends. here, i put my rpf goggles to speculate that perhaps trevor Panicked this time.

the horrible, very bad, no good trade: 2023-2024 season

in 2023-24, they are not living together. maybe stagecoach has something to do with it, maybe it doesn't. either way, 2023 continues to give us content, such as trevor posting a photo of jamie with a winky face emoji after Contentious Contract Negotiations and dedicating his michigan goal to jamie.

but then on january 8th, the news breaks that jamie drysdale has been traded to the philadelphia flyers.

now, this is shocking because both trevor and jamie are good players: they're high draft picks who are faces of the franchise, touted as part of the ducks' rebuilding core and they just signed contract extensions. but it is even more shocking to trevor zegras, who is going to be separated from His Guy.

now hockey trades are famous for Being Chaotic but this was next-level: the ducks were on a week-long roadtrip, preparing for a game against nashville. trevor and jamie were allegedly together in a dive bar in nashville when jamie got the call. jamie's mind "was in a daze." he flew out of nashville at 5:45 a.m. trevor allegedly reached out to his USNTDP bro on the flyers, cam york (there he is again again!) to connect with jamie. jamie moves in with cam york (!) and another teammate. he picks #9 to play with the flyers, the same number trevor wore on the US world juniors team. which could mean nothing.

the day after the trade, trevor is supposed to be interviewed before the nashville game but allegedly refuses. a rinkside reporter stated that "trevor is the person who will miss jamie the most..was visibly glum... was his very best friend... I don't think he has fully processed it this morning...he said it doesn't feel real yet...they're going through it, they're going to remain close friends for the rest of their lives." trevor is uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole ordeal: no goodbye post, not even a story. later on, he states that him and jamie "peed together, got injured together, slept together," which goes viral. trevor likes a post of the quote.

in his first shift in his first game after jamie leaves (which is also trevor's 200th NHL game), trevor immediately breaks his ankle and is helped off the ice. he misses the rest of the season. he later says that the injury hurts less than the trade.

jamie's first game is flyers' pride night. afterwards, trevor likes the flyers post of the game and reposts it, with the same winky face emoji that he used when jamie got resigned to the ducks. here's screenshots of the two stories (the second one is the flyers story. yes that’s jamie wearing a dog mask. no, don’t ask.)

danny briere, fujoshi extraordinaire: 2024-2025 season

now before we move on to recent events, we must go back to trevor. specifically, Trevor Zegras, Wasted Potential. so i mentioned that after the ankle injury in 2024 (the one he got immediately after jamie was traded), trevor’s goals and offensive production drops massively. his name comes up in trade rumours throughout 2024 and 2025, including a trade to the flyers. critics point to his defensive game as a back-end liability. people say he takes shifts off and takes games off, which basically mean he plays with no heart. they say he’s rude and disrespectful in his chirps. he hardly celebrates after goals anymore. people say he's lazy and overconfident, all flash and no substance, too scrawny to play in the league and annoyingly talkative to top it off.

all of this stems from many reasons, including his head coach, greg cronin, having an old-school style of hockey that encourages "grit" and none of the showboating and puck handling trevor is good at and loves. during this time, the ducks general manager pat verbeek (trevorjamie fandom’s Resident Evil Man) moves trevor from his natural, life long position of centre to right wing, which is another factor in his dropping production. gone are the days of trevor zegras, all-star rookie. people call him washed up and a draft bust. rpfers say he is broken-hearted.

this is worsened when he, just starting to find his groove and show flashes of defensive capability in 24-25, suffers a torn meniscus and has to undergo surgery for six weeks, missing majority of this season. when he comes back, he violates player safety rules and is suspended for six games. in first game after the suspension, he immediately tries to fight someone (which he never does) and loses very badly.

in contrast, jamie is thriving. he is maturing and growing defensively, he buys his own house in downtown philly, he hard launches his long distance gf (the one who trevor introduced him to at stagecoach) and spends his time with his philly best friend, cam york (the one who trevor introduced him to). during this time, jamie hardly mentions trevor, except for a flyers social media video where he says the most famous person on his phone is trevor zegras (full government name).

him and trevor also allegedly have dinner together after a ducks-flyers game in philly in 2025. trevor did not play in the game due to his injuries but still waited outside the flyers locker room “quietly and patiently” and later said the dinner was like “jamie never left.” fun fact (said with the air of a Crazy Person): due to trevor’s injuries and the distance between the two teams (they are in separate conferences), trevor has actually never played an NHL game against jamie.

in the beginning of the offseason, trevor also did this sponcon. which. No Comment. but what was shocking was he reposted the cover photo and then immediately reposted a reel of… jamie playing golf. here’s the two stories side by side to establish how crazy that was:

trevor was also allegedly updating The Rooftop Playlist for the first time a few days in two years before Recent Events. some people speculate it was during trade talks and he was Thinking about jamie. which is also Crazy.

this all brings us to today, when trevorjamie fans across the world collectively lost their minds when it was announced that the flyers had acquired trevor zegras.

trevor's only public acknowledgement about the trade (besides liking a bunch of posts) is this photo of him & jamie posted to his instagram, no caption and no acknowledgment to his other buddies on the team such as cam york (there he is again again again again!). nope, trevor needs everyone to know that this trade is about His Guy and His Guy Only.

you may notice some similarities to a certain pic on a ski lift in aspen. but whilst they were Just Bros in that one, they are definitely Not Bros in this one. just the semantics of taking a pic from two years ago, when we know trevor has pics of him, jamie and cam york at stagecoach... oh trevor zegras, you are the biggest idgaf war loser.

besides this photo, trevor also did a virtual press conference (video here) and went on a local philly podcast. jamie has only liked the post saying goodbye to the teammate that they traded for trevor and no posts related to trevor at all. he has also not posted anything on instagram.

but that doesn't matter because trevor zegras is So Back, baby. he will be playing under #46, the number he used to play on the gulls (he used #11 on the ducks). he is free of his Demons (the #11, pat verbeek and playing right wing). he is going to the land of brotherly love, matvei michkov (known for doing michigans, trevor's MoveTM) and travis konecny (known for being a yapper like trevor).

so where does this leave us now? well, both jamie and trevor will be playing the next season together (!!!!!!!). hopefully, we shall see trevor have a breakout year, a la dylan storme. both of them will be on the last year of the 3-year contracts they originally signed with the ducks. we don't know if either will resign with philly. but one thing can be sure: they will definitely, definitely Be Weird About It.

TLDR: trevor and jamie are insane about each other. i am insane about them. come join us!

if you've made it to the end, congratulations! i hope this enlightened you! if you have more questions (either about trevorjamie or anything else mentioned here), my ask box is always open! have a great day!!

[notarmedandnotdangerous]

+18 mdni! bucky patches reader up after he gets hurt, it all goes south as reader accidentally gets turned on when bucky checks on his wounds.

cw: dom!slightly mean!bucky, sub!m!reader, slight manhandling, anal sex, overstimulation (like, 6 times), dumbification?, they almost get caught by sam (they probably already did), reader calls bucky 'sir', slightly shy reader?

word count: >3.7k

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you got home slightly earlier than bucky today. you were doing some gardening, before you got hit with some sort of magic. you clutched your side and whimpered in pain as you stumbled back home. after what felt like ages, bucky finally got home.

“buck.. help..” you were trembling and losing focus. you tried your best to stay awake as you were losing consciousness from the sheer pain you’ve been fighting. the bandage that you very badly wrapped around your waist was stained with blood, as were your hands.

“what happened? who did this to you?” bucky kneeled in front of you, removing your hand to take a closer look at the wounds.

“fuck, please, just.. just patch me up, ugh, i’ll be fine.” you winced when he peeled the bandage off, letting the cool air come in contact with your wound. “fuck.” you were fighting back tears at this point.

“hold still, this’ll hurt just a bit.” he pulled out a first aid kid from the drawer next to you, and began to clean you up. “you’re lucky it’s not too deep.” he tried his best to be gentle, but he knew it would still hurt. you threw your head back, breathing shakily as bucky cleaned your wound, there were red, glowy fragments stuck to them. perhaps i got struck by some otherworldly force? chaos magic? you groaned, fingers digging into your thighs to ground yourself.

“easy, easy..” he spoke, trying to calm you down. “i’ll get these out as quick as i can.” he tried as carefully as he could, to pull the fragments, bit by bit, out of your wound. “almost done.”

“i can’t take.. uh.. think i’m gonna pass out, buck..” you were fighting to stay conscious, the fragments contained some source of power that weakened you.

“shh, shh, stay with me, just for a bit more okay?” he had finished picking out the fragments, and is now bandaging you. “you’re gonna be okay, trust me.”

“everything hurts, buck.. think they cursed me.” you tried to joke and laugh but you were cut off by the sharp pain in your side.

“try to not move as much. let’s get you to a bed so that you can rest, yeah?” bucky gently lifted you up, putting you softly on your bed as he prepared an anaesthetic shot to ease your pain. you stared at him as he gave you the shot. within a few seconds, euphoria spread throughout your body, you were giggly and high from the painkillers now.

“how are you feeling now?” he sat down next to you, on the bed, tucking you in. “try to get some sleep, it’ll heal faster if you do.”

“i feel great..” you were so tired and so high.

“i’m so grateful, you know..? to have you, buck.. won’t understand why people hate you, you’re amazing..” you spoke, smiling softly at him.

“don’t worry about that, just rest and get better, will you?” he said softly, sweeping away a few stray hairs on your forehead. “i’ll be here when you wake up.”

“i want you to sleep here..” you pulled the covers open, scooting over to give you some space. “please?” you hesitated, before laying down next to me.

“alright, but only if you promise to go to sleep.” you smiled, turning over to kiss his cheek, before plopping back down on the bed.

-next morning-

you woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a dull pain on your side.

“ugh..” you moved your arm, only to be met with the cool touch of metal. you turned to your side, only to be met with bucky, still sleeping peacefully next to you. god, he looked absolutely gorgeous.

“buck?- wait, fuck, i’m so sorry, what.. what did i do..?” bucky sat up, rubbing his eyes.

“it’s fine, you were injured, and needed someone to take care of you, that’s all.” he turned towards you. “how are you feeling now?”

“injured? what are you talking about- ow!” you tried to sit up, not knowing that you were injured. you were met with a sharp pain in your side. you whimpered in pain and flopped back down onto the plush bed. “i.. i see that now.. just.. give me a second..”

“take it easy, will you?” bucky pushed you back down onto the bed, lifting your shirt up. “let me check your bandages.” he pressed your legs apart gently, then kneeled in between them. he focused on checking your wounds, not thinking too much about the compromising position you were in right now. you, however, were hyper-focused on the position you were in. you blushed like crazy, but you kept quiet, not daring to breathe.

“looks like it’s healing nicely.” he spoke, not seeming to notice your reaction.

“huh- oh, yeah, good..” you tried to play it off, praying that you wouldn’t get hard right now. bucky closed your legs, setting them down straight, before finally noticing your reaction.

“are you okay..? you seem a little flushed.. should i turn the ac back on?” he raised an eyebrow at you.

“n-nothing!” fuck, you were hard now. you shuffled to hide it. “i’m okay, buck, thank you so much for.. for taking care of me.” you spoke, except you were very obviously avoiding his gaze.

“it’s not problem, but you don’t seem fine..” he reached out towards you and gently turned your face towards him. “tell me what’s wrong?.. you.. you don’t have to if you don’t want to. i don’t wanna be pushy.” you stared at him wide eyed, seemingly speechless.

“uh..” you were frozen in place. bucky stared you up and down, before his eyes landed on your erection. you were so focused on avoiding his gaze that you didn’t even realise that he was staring. after a while, you finally realised, and you freaked out. “wait- it.. it isn’t what it looks like i swear!”

“really? because it looks like you’re enjoying this.” he smirked, leaning closer. “it’s not a bad thing, don’t worry.”

“i.. i can assure you i’m not.” you furrowed your brows, trying your best to deny it.

“i’m not dumb, you know. i can see it in your eyes.” he scooted closer towards you, his breath hot against your neck. “let me help you with that.”

“mm..” you whimpered when bucky kissed your neck. “b- buck..” you grabbed his hair with your hand.

“i’ll make you feel better..” he moaned softly at the tug on his hair, reaching forward to touch your erection. “i just need you to trust me.”

“mmh..” you grabbed his hand out of instinct, but loosened your grip.

“it’s okay, you can trust me.” bucky pulled your pants down just enough for your erection to spring out. “i’ll make the pain go away.” he stroked your cock, while kissing you sweetly.

“you.. why are you so good at this.. pervert.”

“i just want to please you, is it working?” he smiled at you.

“is that even a question?” you scoffed in disbelief at his stupid question. he clearly knew the answer already, but he just wanted to mess with you.

“good.” he moved his hand faster now, teasing your sensitive tip.

“oh fuck-? uugh.. mmhmm..” you were reduced to a whimpering mess the moment he teased your tip, completely unable to form answers to your questions.

“do you want me to stop? or do you want more?” he asked, slowing down his movements, so that you could answer him.

“please..” your mind was hazy, eyes unfocused as you tried your best to nod. “hurry, buck”

“like.. this?” he picked up the pace, smirking at your reaction.

“aahh..” you were too far gone to even process bucky’s words. “buck.. you’re.. mmh.. so good..” you mewled when he leaned in to bite your earlobe playfully.

“i’m glad you think so.” he moved his hand impossibly faster, bringing you closer to the edge. “are you gonna cum for me?”

“yes- yes buck, yes” you whimpered, gripping onto the bed sheets like your life depended on it. it took you a few moments, before you were about to cum.

“go on.” he leaned in and kissed you deeply as you came, swallowing your moans.

“a-aah.. mmhm..” your moans were cut off by bucky kissing you. your entire body shuddered as you came.

“you’re so cute when you’re sensitive like that. feel better now?”

“still hurts, when.. i tense my body.” you muttered “continue..? wanna feel you.”

“sure thing, just relax and enjoy it, yeah?” he positioned himself in between your legs.

“god, this position was what got me into this in the first place.” you mumbled, embarrassed at the effect you had on me.

“well, maybe it’s time to try something different.” he chuckled, leaning down to kiss your inner thighs. “anything you want.”

“fuck, you can’t just do that and expect me to be normal..” you admitted shyly, making him smile. “i don’t think i can.. today..” bucky tilted his head in confusion. “i mean.. i don’t think that i can take you today. like, i’m not in a good condition” you spoke, absolutely flustered. “just touch me, please, buck?”

“of course, anything you want.” he nodded, reaching out to stroke your cock again. “just tell me how you like it.”

“just.. ugh, fuck, you’re doing good already..” you were a mess the moment he touched your cock. you were slowly getting more and more overstimulated, but you didn’t care, not when it felt so good.

“you’re so easy to please”

“nnh.. don’t tease..” you stuttered. “oh- oh fuck, you’re so good, mmh” the praise made bucky’s heart flutter, stopping for a while to clear his throat. it was obvious that he liked it, but he didn’t hide it well enough. “you like being praised.. mmh.. don’t you, buck..? aah..”

“i.. maybe a little? but only if it’s from you.” he admitted, face flushing red immediately.

“fuck, ugh, that’s.. so cute, buck.. mmh, keep going..” you were trying to stay focused, so that you could continue teasing bucky, but you couldn’t. not when you had this talented son of a bitch’s hand on your cock.

“you’re close again, aren’t you?” he grinned, picking up the pace once more. “want me to make you cum again?”

“yes, please- please, please..” you had started to ramble, and it was honestly so entertaining.

“say my name, then.” he stopped abruptly, making you whimper in protest.

“no- why’d you stop..”

“say it, and i’ll make you cum.”

“please buck?” his only response was a shake of his head.

“try again” bucky smirked, teasingly running his fingers all over your cock. “say my name, and i’ll give you what you want.”

“uuh.. j- james, please..?” you were racking your brain for the right answers, but still, none of them were correct.

“come on, you know what i want to hear.” he leaned in closer to you.

“..sir, please.” you said, shyly. your orgasm was fading as you tried your best to keep yourself on edge.

“good boy.” he finally continued his stroking. “now, you can cum for me.”

“ugh, fuck- fuck, fuck, fuck..” bucky changed his plans halfway through, he wanted to edge you now. “please, f- fuck, sir, just wanna cum..” he took this as a chance to flip you over on your stomach to finger you. your body was tense as you were caught off guard, but slowly, you relaxed. as he slowly opened you up, he couldn’t help but embarrass you a little.

“look at you, taking my fingers so well.” he teased, pushing a third finger in. “so, so good.”

“aah- yeah.. mmf..” he decided to embarrass you more, making you clench around his fingers.

“you like being called a good boy?” your eyes rolled to the back of your skull as he repeatedly pressed against your prostate.

“aah.. oh- oh fuck..” you were so fucked out you couldn’t even answer.

“answer me, will you? or i’ll stop.” he slapped your ass lightly, making you yelp.

“mm- y- yes, sir.” you blurted out any answer that you could come up with.

“attaboy.” bucky pulled out his fingers just to replace them with his cock. “take my cock”

“oh fuck.. i thought we- .. i can’t.. injured..” you felt so euphoric around his cock you couldn’t help but clench a few times.

“don’t worry about that right now, just enjoy it.” he grunted, picking up the pace. “feel how good it is? does my cock feel good?”

“i- aah.. b- buck..” you were getting the meanest backshots of your life, the air getting knocked out your lungs with each thrust you took.

“gonna cum inside you.. want that?”

“mhm.. yes.. yes please, sir..” you nodded repeatedly into the drool-soaked pillow, fingers gripping onto it so tightly you’d think they’d tear holes through the fabric.

“you feel so good.” bucky groaned, thrusting harder. “gonna fill you up.”

“oh- aah.. gonna.. gonna cum..” your eyes rolled back as you came. your body spasmed and writhed but nothing came out. you’ve shot blanks for the first time in your life.

“so, so good for me.” he pulled out, holding you in place so that his cum wouldn’t flow out of you. “look at you, all fucked out.”

“b- buck.. uugh..” he sunk back into you, fucking you gently into overstimulation. all he wanted was to see you cry. “we’re gonna.. get caught by the other.. mmh.. you know..?”

“who cares if we get caught?” bucky grinned, thrusting deeper. “let them see how good you are for me.”

“fuck.. sir, too much.. please..” you helplessly kicked against the sheets, trying to escape.

“just a bit more..” he kissed your shoulder. “you can take it.”

“i- i can’t.” you whimpered in protest, accidentally yelping when he delivered an extra harsh thrust.

“yes you can, come on.” he slowed down slightly, not fully stopping. “be a good boy for me, will you?”

“mmm.. okay.. yeah.. haah.. wanna be good..” you were so fucked out of your mind, it was honestly impressive that you could still respond.

“that’s it.” bucky picked up the pace once more, hitting your prostate with each thrust. “gonna make you cum again, you can take it right?”

“oh.. b- buck..” tears rolled down your cheeks from sheer overstimulation, you let out hiccups in an attempt to swallow the moans.

“look at you, crying like a little slut. but you love it, don’t you?”

“fuck- please.. i- i can’t..” you were sobbing now, reaching back to push bucky’s hands away from your hips. “buck- please.. s- stop.. mmh!..”

“stop? why would i stop when you’re enjoying it so much?” he chuckled, continuing to pound into you. “go ahead, cry all you want.” you unconsciously clenched around him, feeding his ego even more.

“can’t get enough, can you?” you let out a sharp cry, before cumming again, shooting blanks. you were so fucked, the pleasure made your body shudder as you became unresponsive

“there’s my good boy, all fucked out, and still so pretty.” bucky pulled out, admiring your spent form. you let out a tired whimper, your body at its absolute limit. suddenly, a knock was heard, but your mind was too hazy to even realise it. he threw the covers over you, and threw on your clothes to answer the door. turns out it was sam, and he has probably heard everything.

“sam..?” you spoke absentmindedly, to which sam replied with louder knocking. perhaps sam knew that we’ve been fucking? bucky went out to chat with him for a moment, before sam left the room.

“shit, that was so close.” bucky closed the door and turned back to you. “we’ve gotta be more careful next time. you think he knows?”

“maybe next time, don’t fuck my brains out and make me cum like 5 times.” you joked bluntly, making him chuckle.

“hey, you enjoyed it.” he smirked, sitting on the bed. “and i can’t help it if you’re so irresistible.”

“freaky.” you joked, and he leaned down and kissed you.

“you love it.” he reached down to stroke you once more. “and.. you’re getting hard again.”

“i- i’m not! your eyesight is fucked.” you denied it, but your body betrayed you. “oh.. oh fuck..” you gripped bucky’s wrist as hard as you could. “i.. i can’t anymore.

“sure you can.” he bit your earlobe. “let’s make it six times.”

“there’s.. aah.. nothing left..” you whimpered. “no..” you were slipping again, the only thing on your mind was how good it felt,

“come om, one more time, for me?” he leaned in, and kissed your neck, while his hand was still working on your cock. “you can do it.”

“fuck.. mmh” tears rolled down your cheeks once more as you struggled to process the pleasure.

“cry all you want, it’s just gonna make it harder for yourself. his thumb teased your tip. “one more, just one last one, okay?” you nodded, your entire body going limp as you came dry once more.

“good boy, you taste so good.”

“uuh.. l- let me..” you pushed his head away from your neck,

“let you what?” he smirked, backing away from you. “rest? or go for round seven?”

“i.. i need to rest..” you laid on the bed, your chest heaved as your cock twitched from oversensitivity.

[ceesimz]

Homecoming

Some more glimpses into your relationship. (autistic!reader)

Reverie fics here! Same setup as Evergreen, hope you enjoy!

One thing about autism is that things are never linear. No two situations are ever the same. One day you can handle something perfectly fine, the next day it can feel like the end of the world. 

The Copa de la Reina title wasn’t your first at Barcelona, you’d won the Supercopa only a few months prior at the start of the calendar year, in which you celebrated long into the night with your team with no inhibitions. But the same couldn’t be said for your second cup. Why, you weren’t sure. It could have been a combination of things or it could have been nothing, you just couldn’t for the life of you fully immerse yourself in the locker room celebrations.

Throughout the whole post-game routine, you felt sort of spaced out. Like you were a fly on the wall, more than content to sit back and watch your family celebrate, as if they were doing it for you whilst you had to go on battery saving mode almost. It didn’t take long for the overwhelming feeling and the exhaustion to settle in, which frustrated you a little, because all you wanted to do was join in with them, you just couldn’t find the energy for that. You were still feeling the euphoria, the happiness and the relief, but it felt like they were out of your reach, like you were watching them through glass rather than experiencing them. 

And with all that, it was hard to not feel disheartened, since this was just another occasion that put your struggles on a pedestal, a spotlight on the differences between you and your teammates.

Esmee had gone over to Ingrid at some point to ask the defender if you were okay, and Ingrid only needed to take one look at you to know what was wrong. But, as it turned out, it was the same case for Alexia too. 

“You okay?” Alexia asked as she sat down beside you where you sat in your cubby, slowly and mindlessly untying the laces of your trainers that you were about to put on. 

At this point, everyone was beginning to trail out of the locker room as they continued their celebrations from there all the way to the bus. There were only a couple people left, but they were just gathering the last of their belongings, soon to leave. Ingrid had seen Alexia come over to you with her eyebrow furrowed slightly, and decided you were in the safest hands and that the two of you could probably do with some privacy, so she left. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. Just a little overwhelmed I think.” You kept your eyes on the shoes in your hands, a certain lack of emotion to your face that Alexia could read instantly.

“It’s alright to be overwhelmed, engel.” Her words were soft and caring, not an ounce of frustration and a prominent lack of judgement that was everything you needed. The last person left the room then, the door swinging closed behind them. It shut the noise out, finally giving you the tranquility you needed and space to breathe, with no fear of opinions and watching eyes.

“I just wish I could join in but I can’t, and now I feel embarrassed. I’m just sat here like a freak.” You dropped your shoe and put your head in your hands, letting out a sharp exhale of irritation. 

“Okay, okay.” Alexia quietly said, moving to crouch in front of you. Her hands delicately took yours, her tentativeness contrasting the tension in your own, and she squeezed them whilst running her thumbs over your fingers. “Let’s not stress about that, alright? Nobody was judging you for not joining in, I think they all understood, though they didn’t show it, that there was a lot goi-”

“But I wasn't like this when we won the last trophy.” 

You interrupted her with a thought that had hounded you the second you stepped off the pitch after the trophy ceremony. You slipped your hands out of hers and stood abruptly, needing to move as a release for all the feelings running through your body. Alexia stood too, turning to watch as you walked around the room, shaking your hands like you were trying to rid them of pins and needles – instead, you were trying to rid yourself of the avalanche of emotions that'd hit you at once out of nowhere. You felt trapped inside your own body, inside your mind, and you swore you could feel your soul trying to claw its way out from the confines of the impending sense of doom you had. Alexia wasn’t sure whether to step in or not, wasn’t sure what to say, until you made the decision for her a minute later.

“I think I might h-have a meltdown.” 

She called into action then, stepping in front of you to stop your pacing but, crucially, not stopping the movement of your hands. She knew what it was, stimming, and she knew that stopping it would only make you feel worse. So she put her hands on your shoulders, making sure her body language and her face exuded calmness, aware that if an ounce of her worry or anxiety was evident then it'd make you feel worse, opening up feelings of guilt and regret about how you'd ruined a moment for her, when she didn't feel like that at all. 

“Is having a meltdown going to help get some of these feelings out of your system? Or will it make you feel worse?” Alexia asked wisely, her face relaxed and her voice level. Your eyes were restless, darting from her face to the wall behind her, to the different cubbies and the necklace she wore that you'd gifted her. 

“I-I don't know. Ale, I don't know.” You replied in a panicked tone, only to be met with quiet and gentle shushing in return. Her hands moved from your shoulders to land lightly on your cheeks, her touch not overbearing yet there to provide comfort. 

“I think it might make you feel worse, engel. I think we can calm you down, okay? You're panicked and you're overthinking. Let's take these thoughts away, it's just you and me here. Don't think of anything else but me and you.” She leaned her forehead against yours and closed her eyes, wordlessly telling you to do the same, which you did.

Your breathing had gone a bit haywire, it was uneven and laboured, your chest felt like it was caving in under the weight of all that was suffocating you. People often thought it was strange when you said you felt everything in your chest, but it was the truth. In moments like this, when your mind was working overtime and you were so overwhelmed you couldn’t think straight, it felt like you were trapped in a place you couldn’t escape. You felt claustrophobic in your own body, and you needed a reprieve from the way your brain never stopped processing the environment you were in. You could hear everything, from the distant sound of voices down the corridor outside the room, to the music still blasting throughout the stadium, to the buzz of the bright lights above that were blindingly bright then, the hard thump of your own heart beat, everything. You could smell Alexia's perfume, the faint linger of damp grass, the mix of people's shower gels and hair products, champagne and beer that people had sprayed around the room. All of it combined together and gathered right in your chest, like you had the weight of the world on your heart.

Something like this had happened in the past, back in Germany. You hadn't had someone there for you then like Alexia was. Nobody even knew about this disorder that ruled your life, nobody knew that your entire neurology could not be more different than theirs, nobody even blinked an eye at your distant nature. And apparently the same went for being at Barcelona, yet the situations were completely different. They knew all about you and weren't at all put off by your behavior afterwards. Ingrid would tell you the next day that the majority of them were concerned, and you'd also see for yourself by the few messages on your phone the next morning too.

But in the changing room, you did have Alexia, and having her there changed the outcome indefinitely.

A few minutes passed by, and you were already significantly calmer. Alexia hadn't moved a muscle and neither had you, her breathing helping yours to slow and her steady presence bringing you more peace of mind than anything else could in that moment.

“You feel better?” She murmured, her thumbs running up and down your flushed cheeks. You nodded, sighing quietly, and she smiled a little, both in relief and contentment. “Abrazo?”

Your answer was in the way you dropped your head to her shoulder and wrapped your arms loosely around her waist, relishing in the comfort the pressure of her hug brought. She enveloped you tightly, wishing for nothing but for you to feel yourself again. And she knew the strength of her hug was one thing that'd help in that moment. 

The embarrassment and the shame of the post-match events didn't wear off immediately, but you were able to calm down quite significantly. For a good few minutes, Alexia kept her arms tight around you, to the point you were sure that her muscles there might ache more the following day than her legs would from the game. But it was what you needed. It helped to regulate yourself, to get your nervous system back under your control. 

“Thanks.” You tapped her lightly on the hip to tell her she could let go, but she didn’t. She loosened her arms yet kept them around you.

“Of course. Of course, engel. Always.” She made sure you understood that she’d be there for you in cases like this whenever you needed it. Which, though you didn’t ask for, actually brought the tiniest of smiles on your face. She dropped her arms to take your hands and leaned back in to kiss your forehead before addressing you once more. “Whatever you need to do tonight, we will do, okay? If you don’t want to go out, we can stay in at the hotel and celebrate another day. If you want to be on your own for a bit, I can leave you in the room for some time. Whatever you need. I’ll do anything.”

You nodded, staring off over her shoulder as you took a moment or two to think. You definitely wouldn’t handle going out well. And wouldn’t it be cruel keeping Alexia away from her teammates after a cup win?

“I think I’ll stay in tonight. You should go out though.” You were met with a roll of her eyes and an amused smile.

“But is that what you want? Do you want me to stay with you or do you want to be on your own?” 

“I always want to be with you, but it’s not fair of me to ask you to stay. I don’t want to take you away from th-”

“Dios. You are silly, hm?” She drew you back in for another hug, a hand cradling the back of your head against her with her arm around your waist. “I always want to be with you. And when I know you are not feeling yourself right now, I would forget any other plans if I know that being with you will make you feel better. You understand?” 

As you tucked your head into her neck and forewent a reply, she knew she’d said the right thing. It made her feel ever so slightly proud, that she was getting better at reading you and understanding you. She still worried from time to time, and though she didn’t want these occurrences to happen in the first place, it comforted her that you willingly opened up to her and let her in now. She liked to think she made you a little happier now that she was in your life, but she was far too humble and shy to say that aloud. Even if you’d tell her that ‘a little happier’ was just a drop in the ocean.

When you went to dinner two nights later to properly celebrate with the team, you knew you wouldn’t have made it there if she hadn’t been with you back in the locker room when you were struggling. Furthermore, as the time ticked by where you sat with a few of your closest friends, you didn’t feel uncomfortable, you didn’t cower away from their company after what happened after the game. You felt you were right where you belonged.

“Vicky, no. Don’t.” Alexia glared across the table at the young girl who had a glint in her eye that only forboded mischievous behaviour.

“No, don’t listen to her! Venga, Vick. Get it out.” Mapi grinned, leaning forward to look past Ingrid beside her to Vicky seated further down.

“Vicky, no-” 

“Ale was so… what is that phrase? Ingrid, help me out.” She turned to your fellow Norwegian and mumbled quietly into her ear, smirking when she found the phrase she was looking for. Then, she turned to you. “Ale was so ‘head over heels’ for you before she asked you for a date. Right, Mapi?” 

“Oh, one hundred percent. She would not stop talking and talking about you all the time.” Mapi nodded as her hands gestured emphatically.

To your left, Alexia had her face hidden behind her hands, grumbling something incoherently under her breath. You laughed at the sight of her, knowing that under her palms there was probably a certain redness to her cheeks.

“Is that true, Alexia?” You teased, nudging her under the table with your knee. 

“Mapi, I think I love her! Oh  Mapi, what do I do, Mapi? What if she doesn’t think the same? I don’t think I could ever tell her, she means too much to me and I don’t want to risk losing her! I think she is so beautiful and hot and s-”

“Calláte, Mapi. You just love the sound of your own voice when you say your name. Compórtate.” Alexia scolded lightly, trying hard to ignore the beaming grin she could see from you in the corner of her eye.

She was a little embarrassed and regretting the fact she decided to invite Vicky to this dinner, but she was happy. Happy to take any teasing of how she acted before she became your girlfriend because it was making you smile then, and that time of her life was one she treasured so deeply, and perhaps she did know that she acted like a frantic teenager who had never been in love before. But before you came along, now she realised that, actually, she doesn’t think she ever had loved any of her exes, because none of them were at all like you. Loving you was something she didn’t even have to think about, whereas in the past, it always had to be an active thought of hers, sometimes even a worry, just another thing on her plate. Deciding to stop off at the bakery on the way home from a meeting or picking up a bouquet of flowers on her walk home from the local shop was a habit now.

“Yeah, yeah, Ale. You wouldn’t have had the cojones to ask her out if it wasn’t for me, so I don’t think you should speak to me like that.”

Alexia stared at the shorter defender, eyes wide in warning with her nostrils flared. It was enough to silence her. For about two minutes.

“Actually, I think I have something in mind that would make Ale feel better.” Frido piped up from the end of the table.

Everybody went silent as they watched the frosty, slightly scared glance you sent Frido’s way.

“Fridolina, I trusted y-”

“After the Sevilla away game, back here, she rushed me into her car so that she could ramble about how big her crush was on Alexia. It was just after training too, I’m surprised nobody saw it.”

The Swede had no qualms revealing such a secret, and honestly neither did you.

For a second or two, the silence remained. Before everyone bar Alexia started laughing, making teasing remarks, and revelling in the secrets that had just been spilled about two of their utterly hopeless teammates. But, the blonde you sat beside, who had her hand resting comfortably on your thigh, was just gazing at you with more love in her eyes than you’d ever seen before.

This was fun, you decided. Nobody mentioned your reaction after the match, nobody thought of you any differently after it, they were there and they were happy that you were there. Seated in the corner of a low-lit, quiet restaurant, you didn’t find yourself wilting anxiously under the company of a group of people, nor did the surroundings overstimulate you at any point. That evening was everything you hoped a dinner with friends could be.

You would crash hard when you got home, that was never in doubt. Even if there were things in place to make it much more enjoyable and not quite so detrimental, by the time you got in Alexia’s car to go back to her flat, you’d most likely become non-verbal for some time and want to do nothing but get in bed to recharge for a little while. Those things would never change, no matter how enjoyable any outing was, but that wasn’t going to stop you.

There was only one person who could have planned the dinner to be so well-suited to you. It was Alexia, of course it was. Taking everything she possibly could into consideration, like the layout of the restaurant, the lighting, the table you were given, the busyness of it at the time you went. You appreciated her thoughtfulness so much more than she could ever realise.

“Alright, alright. Fine. I did do that. I guess we’re equal.” You turned to your girlfriend with a soft smile, but she seemed outraged.

“That game was a month before I asked you to go on a date with me! You did nothing for a month?”

With a grimace, you nodded, amused at how she scoffed and shook her head disapprovingly at the new discovery. However, for the first time and probably the last time, Mapi had your back in a situation where you were the butt of the joke.

“No, Ale, you have no place to talk. I distinctly remember we had a similar conversation in the hotel corridor at the Sevilla game. I think I remember you saying something along the lines of-”

“Mapi!” Alexia seethed, lightly slamming her hand down on the table and consequently causing a cacophony of rattling steel against ceramic. Not that she cared, she had more important matters to attend to. “María León, no more. Silencio.” 

Crossing her arms like a petulant child, Mapi slumped back into her chair. Ingrid was there to offer her support, not without rolling her eyes at her girlfriend’s dramatics, whispering something about saving it for the wedding speech. You were pretty certain yourself and Alexia gained a new fear for the future in that moment.

“I remember another time with Ale too.” Vicky interjected with too much excitement than one required for such a simple opening statement. From the exasperated sigh that Alexia quietly let out, you were listening with great interest. “She was helping me with my school work just before Christmas. She was like a sad puppy because you had already left for Norway.”

The Barcelona captain groaned loudly, covering her face again out of embarrassment.

“Vete a la mierda, nena.” You heard her whisper under her breath, which was soon followed by a sharp inhale as you pinched her thigh. 

“Anytime the topic fit, she would start talking about you. She never stopped checking her phone. One time, when you actually did text her, she dropped her phone because she was so desperate to pick it up. It was like the notification that came through had life-changing information, but no, it was just a photo of you with the snow.”

“I love that photo.” Alexia mumbled so that only you could hear it, and in that moment you were very grateful that Vicky wasn’t sitting close enough to be able to make out the blush to your cheeks in the dim light. “I remember, you had tiny things of ice in your eyebrows, and I showed my Mami when I went home after that, and she laughed for so long. She said… next year I should go with you to Norway at some point. One, so I can meet your family and see your home. Two, because she wants to see me with ice in my eyebrows because she thinks it would be the funniest thing in the world because I hate the cold so much. And she knows you would find my reaction to the snow funny too.”

As you two drifted off into your own conversation, the others lost interest and moved onto other topics, thankfully choosing to not share any more gossip about the pair of you. So you met Alexia’s eye, each with your own sheepish expressions on your faces due to the information that had just been revealed, but there was a surprised look in your eye that confused the blonde. She brought up the possibility of going to Norway with you, which was something you’d longed for since you left her behind at Christmas. But for now, you let it pass, for two reasons: one, because she never explicitly said she wanted to go, she only relayed her mother’s recommendation, so just in case she didn't want to go, you weren't about to sign yourself up for inevitable disappointment. And two, because there was something else that had captured your attention.

Alexia had her version of falling in love, and you had yours. For some reason, it never computed that her side of the story might be different from yours, but of course it was. Now, she might simply never hear the end of you begging for her to say it just one more time.

Though, it was the final story that Vicky told which stuck in your mind the most. One thing you’d worried about when you went to Norway was that as your relationship was still so new, you had no idea how ten days apart near enough straight after making it official would affect it. To hear about how much Alexia missed you from the perspective of someone she trusted, it showed you a totally new side to her devotion. And to hear she missed you just as much as you did her? Not much could compare to the feeling that gave you. 

Under her piercing gaze, paired with the adoration you swore radiated off of her, you ducked your head to hide your face in her shoulder. The blonde chuckled softly as you did so, putting an arm across the back of your chair and humming to urge you to lift your head back up. You did just that, to which she leaned in to place a quick but lingering kiss to the corner of your mouth. 

“I think I remember you saying, during one of our movie nights earlier on, that you like the idea of a relationship but hate the process of getting into one.” She whispered beside your ear, her face hidden from view purposely so that the others, or rather, Vicky and Mapi, wouldn’t tease her yet again for how hopelessly gone she was for you.

“I did say that.” You winced at her when she pulled back, only for her to laugh, and the utter joy that spread through her face as she did so was one of the best sights you’d see in your life. “But… I love how we got together, I wouldn’t change any part of it. You are perfect, how could I not?”

The roles reversed then and it was Alexia who rolled her eyes at the sweet sentiment.

“That is really soppy of you.” She stated with her eyebrows raised, using a word she’d clearly picked up from you due to how funny and unnatural it sounded coming from her. She rolled her eyes again when you giggled at her for it.

“I know.” You hummed, that same beaming grin from earlier back on your face. “It’s true though. If you ever break up with me, I don’t know what I would do.”

It was meant to be an off-handed comment, even if it was a fear that troubled you far too often, but Alexia didn’t take it that way. The disapproving frown on her face said as much.

“Don’t say that.” She said, the hand that rested on the back of your chair moving to rest on your shoulder instead. Her thumb caressed your skin through the material of the shirt you wore and you looked at her, slightly confused. “I will never break up with you. Never. There is not a future for me anymore that doesn't include you too. And, you heard Ingrid, we have to at least wait until our wedding so that you can hear what Mapi has to say.”

You nodded at her, a simple reaction that felt too little for the declaration she had just made. Neither of you had spoken about the future together, too focused on the new present you'd created and enjoying that whilst remaining focused on the season as it reached its end. That didn't mean you didn't think about it — you did, all the time, actually.

Any spare moment you had, or not even then, just any time you could get away with being lost in your own thoughts, it was always Alexia that came to mind first. Initially it was just harmless, wholesome things, like what snacks you should stock up with for when she next came over, or what she was up to while you were apart, or which jumper you could take from her next time you went to her place. But then it changed, a seamless transition that went slightly under the radar: would she like Norway or would she stand by her point about hating the cold, how would she fit in with your family, which interior decoration style does she prefer, has she ever thought about the Scandinavian sleep method, would this rug suit your (non-existent) shared home, who would be the one that propos-

“Hm. I have lost you.” Alexia scowled as she lightly knocked a knuckle against your forehead, bringing you out of your own mind. 

It seemed that, judging by her words beforehand, Alexia often thought about the future too. Her future that had you in it. Where, as she had said in the changing room at the stadium for the final, she’d do anything she had to do to make sure you were doing okay and feeling like yourself. You could have only ever dreamed for somebody to say those things to you in the past. Now it was your reality.

“I’m still here, you idiot.” You scoffed. Then, an idea slipped into mind that would answer one of your daydream’s questions. You turned on your chair a little to face her more, and met her with a smirk she knew meant trouble. “How long do I have to wait for this wedding anyway? I don’t like secrets.”

Alexia’s lips curved into a smile as she let out an amused breath. Her hand still on your shoulder fiddled with the collar of your shirt, her eyes drifting to look there for a second, before she returned your curious gaze and shrugged slyly. 

“Not long.” She replied, not giving much away but letting slip a piece of information you’d hold onto and think back on in the future whilst disguising a cheesy grin. 

—

Before the new season started, the farmer’s market incident happened. And though you went to sleep the night of it feeling so much better, there was a lingering heaviness in your chest when you woke up in the early hours of the next day that was as if every emotion had been squashed down to fit into a tiny souvenir glass bottle like sand from some kind of vacation destination. But then you rolled over and saw Alexia, the person that had been single-handedly responsible for picking you up and putting you back together, and the way your lips curved slightly into a smile helped to shoo away some of the loitering shame. Rather than focusing on all the negative things that tried to pull you down again, you focused on her, because without fail she could lighten up your mind’s train of thought without even trying.

She was still asleep, lay on her stomach like always and facing away from you, her light snores (which she vehemently denied existed) sounding through the otherwise silent room. Her mostly brunette hair was tied into a low loose bun, with blonde tendrils having slipped out, and the thin sheet covered her tanned form from the waist down, along with the cropped white vest she wore as well as her underwear. In her sleep, she was always so at peace. And for a split second, you were jealous, that whilst you were struggling to sleep and struggling with yourself, she was none the wiser without a worry on her mind. But you swiftly shunned that thought to the side, because yesterday wasn’t her fault, nor were your feelings in that moment. 

You also knew that if you were to wake her up at that second, she’d comply with no complaints and do whatever you needed to feel better. Perhaps it was that which caused the tears that sprung to your eyes out of nowhere, or maybe it was just the overwhelming amount of relief you felt that you had her in your life. So you unfolded an arm from under your pillow and gently placed your hand on the back of her exposed neck, your fingers softly trailing along her skin and twirling the baby hairs there. You didn’t exactly mean to wake her up, but you didn’t feel bad either.

The midfielder was a light sleeper, so the feeling of your movements against her neck brought her round but it was a soothing feeling, a welcome wake up call. She hummed sleepily, still oblivious to emotions you were feeling. As you kept your eyes on her, you felt a softness you couldn’t quite process, or describe. You’d just… never appreciated someone like you did her. 

She had no obligations to love you, to care for you, to even like you. If she up and left the next day, you wouldn’t blame her. She didn’t choose an easy life by being with you. The events of the day before proved exactly that. Yet… there she was beside you, relishing in the company of you in bed beside her as the simple drag of your fingers through her hair and across her skin lit a fire pit of warmth in her chest. 

Tears fell steadily down your cheeks, wetting your pillow, and Alexia turned her head to face you, her eyes still closed as she reached an arm out to rest over your back. It wasn’t until you sniffled that she sobered from her sleepy haze and her eyes shot open in concern.

“Qué pasa?” She rasped, shuffling closer and rising to her elbows, looking down at you. She frowned when you shook your head, briefly turned to hide your face in your pillow, before deciding to face the music and rolling onto your back. Alexia took that as her sign that you wanted her close, so she shuffled closer again, resting on one elbow with her side against yours and raising her free hand to wipe your tears away. “Qué pasa, engel?”

There was so much on your mind, yet you couldn’t find the words to say it all. 

“Can’t sleep.” 

It was a hell of an understatement. You knew that, Alexia knew that. She stayed silent, just looking at you with far too much concern than you could handle. So you wrapped your arms around her back and dipped your head forward so that it rested against her shoulder. She smiled sadly, turning to dot kisses along your cheek, until she buried her face in your neck. 

You both stayed like that for some time, all the whilst the tears never slowed. It wasn’t until you loosened your arms that Alexia leaned back, a frown on her face when she noticed you were still crying. She could tell there was something you wanted to say, so as you gathered yourself together and wiped your tears, again, she lay there patiently for you, at one point leaning forward to leave a reassuring kiss on your chin.

A minute or so later, you took a deep breath in and covered your face as you spoke.

“I always worried that I…” You began, hesitating for a second whilst a gentle hand fell to your hip, Alexia tracing circles with her thumb on your skin. “...I wouldn’t make a very good partner.” 

You mumbled the words insecurely, your voice cracking and punctuated with infrequent sniffling as you attempted to keep the tears at bay. Alexia let out something like a disbelieved huff, shaking her head down at you as a small smile crept onto her face. The reaction confused you; though you weren’t sure what you had expected in the first place, it wasn’t quite that.

Still resting on one elbow, she moved her hand from your hip to carefully pry your own away from your face. She dipped down again, this time to kiss your nose. Then the side of your mouth, before shaking her head again, her smile wider.

“You are the perfect partner for me and I mean that.” Her voice was no louder than a whisper when she spoke, the softness to her tone matching the softness in her eyes as she gazed at you where she hovered above. She sounded so… sure. So certain. 

“H…how?” You questioned fearfully, because you simply didn’t believe her. 

The midfielder raised her eyebrows and shrugged, which wasn’t very reassuring at first, before she smiled somewhat smugly.

“Well, it would take me decades to say everything I love about you. So let me spend that time showing you, okay? I love you more than I can say and there isn’t a thing I would change about you. Nothing.” 

You blushed then and there was nothing you could do about it. Alexia had a habit of catching you by surprise almost daily with how much she cherished you, but her last words might have just topped all past instances. 

There was a certain glint to the hazel of her eyes, a mixture of honesty, confidence, and, the one that struck you the most, desperation– desperation for you to believe her. For you to overcome this momentary and all-too-frequent lapse of self-worth and recognise that your neurology has nothing to do with your lovability. If anything, she loves you more because of it. You wouldn’t be who you were without it, and though she didn’t love you because of it explicitly, every ‘miswire’, every ‘fault’, every ‘flaw’ you believed you had, she only saw it as things to add to your individuality. There was no one like you, she believed that wholeheartedly. So to have you in her life, to be your girlfriend, to be the only person in the world on the receiving end of all the love you had to give? Well, she didn’t know what she’d done in her lifetime to deserve it, but she was sure she was the luckiest person alive to be able to love such a kaleidoscoped human and see every side to them. Loving you was the least she could do.

“Not even the parts that make me unhappy?”

And what a time it was to voice all those thoughts she had. She pretended to think for a moment, even if she knew the answer from the minute she first kissed you. Or rather, when you kissed her, back in that walled garden which, many months on, she'd take the long route home for any chance she could, just so she could drive past the place and reminisce on the memories you shared there.

“No. I wouldn’t. Because if you took them away, the things that made you happy wouldn’t be the same either. You wouldn’t be you.” She explained, grinning at the confusion on your face. She took the opportunity to wipe away the last lingering tear on your cheek, because you’d stopped crying at that point thanks to her and how unabashed she was in her adoration, and made sure you were paying full attention to her next words. “I take all of you, knowing that when you struggle with yourself, I have enough love for the both of us to get you through it.” 

For someone that loved to talk and did so with anyone close to you, you had nothing to say after that. Giving the time of day to the doubts that ate away at you before you woke her up felt like it’d be an injustice to Alexia and all that she said. And as you looked up at her whilst the words set in, you didn’t quite know what to do with yourself, other than to pull her down so that she rested her rested her full body weight on top of you, where you could wrap your arms around her and hope she felt an ounce of the gratitude that flooded your heart and mind. As it turned out, she made a pretty good weighted blanket.

Nothing more needed to be said by either of you. Sure, there were things you wanted to say, but you had no idea where to begin with any of the things, all positive things, that ran laps around your head. You did notice that some time had passed since you first woke up, and the sky had a little colour to it then. You weren’t sure what you wanted to say but you were sure that you didn’t want to live a life without waking up and being able to experience her in your arms every morning. You had an idea, and the best part was that you knew Alexia would agree, despite it being so early the birds hadn’t even begun to sing yet.

Alexia knew the conversation you’d just had might have overwhelmed you, so the seemingly random request you made next didn’t surprise her much, if at all. You’d take your time to process all that was said, and in an hour or a week or a month when you will have thought about it endlessly, then you’d land on the right words you wanted to say. These things she knew like the back of her hand. 

“Can we go watch the sunrise at the beach?” You felt her smile into your neck where her face was pressed once more, until she raised her head. Her eyes were still puffy from sleep, you could see she was still tired, and her voice was still raspy from being abruptly awoken. Yet, she didn’t hesitate for a second before she nodded easily.

The two of you got out of bed, dressed yourselves in comfy clothes which would keep you warm against the summer morning chill and the sea breeze that’d meet you at the beach, and walked there in comfortable silence, hand in hand. No theatrics, no expectations, and no responsibilities apart from putting one foot in front of the other. The ease it was done with was a small scale example of how easy your relationship felt. Alexia made everything easy. 

Perhaps it was that thought, as you sat with her behind you, back to chest, on the sand with the sun rising over the horizon, that brought a topic to mind you hadn’t had the bravery to question for years. However, the day had hardly begun at that point and it’d already been a lot. So you stored it away for another day. 

— 

Over time in your relationship, as the two of you spent more time together and consequently grew more comfortable with each other, your true selves came out in full. One thing you’d come to learn about Alexia was that there were some days where she was just… perpetually grumpy. No matter how well she slept, whether it be two hours or ten, she just wakes up in a certain mood that you can't shake her out of.

You can handle it normally. She's still the same woman you fell in love with, her attitude towards you doesn't change. In fact, she gets clingy when she gets like she does, and if she can avoid it then she doesn't leave your side, you've come to realise. It’s during this time she seeks you out for comfort and affection the most. She's just… quiet, and withdrawn. And there's that stupid frown on her face the whole time with a scowl that makes her look like she’s got an agenda against anyone that dared to be in the same room as her. When it's a one off situation, it's easy to deal with. But when it happened three days in a row, you'd had enough. You didn't like seeing her like that.

Most of the time, there wasn't any rhyme or reason as to why she woke up in such a funk, and on that occasion you knew there was nothing in particular on her mind. It was just the standard stuff– media commitments, sponsorship meetings and events, game after game, the sorts. They all began to pile up, too much on her mind at once, and it killed her mood completely. The start of a new season was always especially hectic, sometimes more so than the end of the season. At the end, it's just the football she has to worry about and she can handle that with ease. But when everything else is just as intense, if not more, that's when it gets to her most. Sometimes she can find it hard to get her groove, to land on her feet and figure out a good balance, but this time around with the new season, she has you.

That meant there was two ways you could go about with your mission: you could be cheery, light-hearted and teasing in the hopes of forcing enough laughter out of her that it uplifts her spirit, or you could shower her with enough love that she has no choice but to crack and give one of those smiles that you love so much, the one that brightens her eyes and causes creases in the corners of them. 

But the perfect approach was to combine the two options. 

So, on that third day, when she got out of bed with a heavy sigh and headed straight to the shower the moment her alarm rang out, you figured out part one of your plan. You weren't offended by how abruptly she left the comfort of the bed, it was typical for her to shower first so she could get started on breakfast. In fact, that time, it worked in your favour.

You grabbed the first jumper you saw from the wardrobe and pulled on a pair of joggers, then slipped on your trainers and rushed out the door with your phone in hand. Just around the corner of Alexia's apartment was her favourite breakfast place, where they did her favourite pastries and coffee that she only treated herself to once in a blue moon. You knew it'd be a bit of a struggle to convince her to eat them on a training day, but you were almost certain you could do it. Alexia could hardly ever say no to you, and even if she tried, she always gave in eventually.

It didn't take long at all to run your little errand, and just as you got back, stood at the front door fiddling with the key, your phone vibrated in what could only be a concerned phone call from Alexia. When you eventually muddled your way into the apartment, juggling keys and the food and whatnot, the first thing you heard was Alexia’s signature huff coming from the kitchen area. The noise sounded out through the otherwise silent flat, another thing indicative of her distaste for the world.

“A dónde fuiste?” She rounded the corner with her infamous frown, her face turning into one of confusion when she spotted the coffee cup and paper bag in your hands. To anyone else, she might have seemed somewhat angry at you for leaving. However, you knew she wasn’t, she just hadn’t expected to find the house empty when she got out the shower and, though she wouldn’t verbally admit it, she walked around her flat like a child that’d had a nightmare looking for a hug from you.

“Desayuno.” You smiled sheepishly, coming to stand in front of her.

“Oh.” She hummed, not really giving much away emotion-wise. And yet, the frown stayed. “But it is training today.”

“You can have a one-off, Ale. You need a pick-me-up, something to cheer you up.” You told her, holding both things out to her. She took the takeaway cup with no second thoughts, but she stared at the paper bag like it had offended her.

“What is a pick-me-up?” Alexia grumbled, sipping the coffee and giving a tiny nod of approval that made you smile.

“It's just something to cheer you up. A treat.” Still, she looked sceptical. But, you could see it clear as day, the tiny ounce of appreciation she felt towards you that was evident in the way her eyes had softened just a tad.

“Did you get any?” You knew that if she knew she wasn’t the only one having a cheat-breakfast (though a couple pastries could hardly class as that at all) then she’d be more likely to eat. Also, as if you would miss out on the chance of pastries either.

“Of course I did. So I’m going to go shower and you have whichever ones you want, alright?” You placed the paper bag down on the kitchen counter and left a kiss on her frowning face before heading to her ensuite. 

Lo and behold, some time later, to your amusement (but not your surprise) you walked in to see the pastries untouched in the spot you left them as Alexia unloaded the dishwasher, eyes flicking back and forth between that very offensive brown bag and the cutlery holder in her hand. You shook your head and fought off a smile, padding over to stand in front of her with an eyebrow raised.

“You are honestly not going to eat them?” You asked accusingly. As a matter of fact, you knew she was. Because you had to leave in twenty minutes and she hadn’t started any breakfast preparations, she was just really dragging this whole thing on. She had quite the flare for dramatics when she wanted.

“No sé.” She shrugged a moment later, turning away from you to resume her chores. All you could do was laugh.

“Eat the fucking pastries, gruñonita.” You told her, cupping her cheeks and leaning in to kiss her softly. Afterwards, you leaned back and looked at her, a serious but affectionate look. “Today is a good day, okay? We have training and nothing else on, so we can come back here and just laze around together. Cheer up, Ale. It’s not nice seeing you like this.” 

There was a smile on her face after that. Though it did look somewhat forced, you could tell by her eyes that under the surface she did mean it. Then she sheepishly raised her arms for a hug, to which you grinned and walked into them, wrapping an arm around her waist as the hand of your other cradled the back of her head, urging her to rest her forehead against your shoulder, which she did with ease. She settled into the embrace, letting out a deep exhale and allowing herself a few minutes to try to relax. It was futile, of course. There was still so much on her mind that she just couldn’t shake. 

“Which ones do you want?” She asked with another sigh as she pulled back far sooner than you expected. However, she did finally pick up the damn bag, so one thing at a time you supposed.

Soon as she saw the selection you chose, she seemed a lot less reluctant about her breakfast options that day. The two of you chose which ones you wanted, splitting the ones you argued over in half to share, Alexia watching with a soft smile when you nodded and hummed in delight at each bite you took from them. As you ate, you both got lost in conversation– or rather, you rambled and she listened– until you were rushing down to the car with your bags in your hands and crumbs around your mouths. When you sat in the passenger seat of the midfielder’s car, you couldn’t help but giggle at the chocolate on Alexia’s cheek when she turned to look out the back window to reverse. Of course, her stupid frown came flying back, but it didn’t last long when you gently wiped away the remnants of breakfast before kissing the corner of her mouth. Just as quick as it came, the frown left, replaced by pink cheeks and a bashful smile.

From when she woke up compared to how she felt driving to training, she already noticed a distinct difference in her mood. And that was completely down to you. She stole glances at you from the driver’s seat any chance she could as she drove, a warm fuzzy feeling in her chest at the sight of you gazing at the window, as you often did. She felt significantly lighter than she had in days, though she wanted nothing more than to turn the car around and go back home with you.

Which… never happened to her. 

Everybody knew she loved training, not only was it fun but it was a chance to get better, to grow the team more colossal than it already was, to bond with the people she considered her second family. Alexia Putellas loved training. But on this occasion? God, she just couldn’t be bothered.

That wasn’t the attitude of a beast, however, so she kept schtum about it. Though the displeased expression on her face was noticed by everybody on the pitch, teammate or staff member. Her eyes were on you more than they were the ball, as if just looking at you made her feel better. If anybody asked, she’d say it did, because you were the sun in her life and when she was feeling especially cloudy, being in close proximity to you was almost enough to lighten her mood. Almost, because as she had established in the car, she’d much rather there be absolutely zero distance between you.

Ingrid had to stop Mapi, Esmee, and Vicky from commenting about the way the captain mindlessly followed you around and stuck to your side throughout the session in between drills, ever the wise one of the group realising there must be something bothering Alexia if she was acting this disjointed and disconnected whilst playing football. The other three grumbled about it until Pere called the end of training, and they quickly lost interest in their hopeless capi, instead racing off to lunch together. 

Like you expected, she immediately came to your side, not saying a word as she did so. You glanced over at her only to find she appeared more tired and done with the world than she did before. It made you frown, and you put an arm around her shoulders to draw her closer, resting your head against hers. Her hand came up to hold yours and she trudged inside with you like Eeyore, your mind reeling on what you could do for her once you got home. All you could land on was letting her relax, whether that be with you or not. 

When you finally got back to her apartment, she changed into one of her Nike tracksuits and beelined for the sofa, her hood up with a face like thunder. You stood in the middle of the lounge area, not sure what to do with yourself and too afraid to ask considering she didn’t seem like talking. 

Alexia huffed. She got up off the sofa, grabbed your hand, and pulled you down onto it. She draped herself on top of you, head on your chest, and her eyes quickly fell shut as she finally got what she had wanted from the second she woke up. You smiled and slipped your hands under her hoodie, lightly trailing your fingers up and down her back. The blonde was smiling and laughing and joking around by the time the sun set, back to her normal self, thanks to you.

—

“Wake up. Ale, wake up.”

The blonde vaguely heard whispering in her ear, but she was still far, far away from reality as she slept soundly.

“Wake up, Alexia. Come on.”

Then there was a push against her shoulder that rolled her onto her back, and she huffed in irritation and covered her eyes with her forearm, not at all pleased with the disruption.

“For helvete. Wake UP!” 

A weight landed on her waist, two hands on her shoulders too that shook her awake, finally. She groaned, letting out a curse word or two in her own mother tongue, before she removed her arm and cracked one eye open. 

“There we go. Good morning!” You beamed at her from where you straddled her torso, sitting back and crossing your arms over your chest as she came to. “Thought you’d never wake up again.”

“Why you wake me? My alarm… not heard it yet.” Her hands rubbed at her eyes as she spoke, and your grin turned into a slight wince at the… early hour you’d awoken her. It wasn’t early early, it’s just that the sun hadn’t quite made an appearance yet. 

“It’s new boot day today.” You hummed, frowning when she didn’t meet your excitement.

“N…new boot day?” Alexia rasped, still coming to grips with the world. Her hands landed on your thighs, still squinting at you out of tiredness and confusion. “Qué?”

“We get new boots today. I love it when we get sent new ones. You know that.” You mumbled, and your dejected demeanour seemed to sober up the woman below you.

“I know that. I love it too. Creo… the new ones I get today, they are cool. You will like them.” She wasn’t entirely sure if she was making sense, she didn’t really know what she was saying still, but you perked up again when she finished which she took as a good sign.

“I can’t remember which ones I’m getting. It’s like Christmas. Last time, they gave me the-”

You went off into a ramble at that, and Alexia simply laid there and listened to every word. However, if you asked her to recite every word, then… she’d be a bit lost. There was one thing on her mind, at the mention of Christmas. Something she’d thought about for a long while. And the sight of you on top of her, talking endlessly about something as small as fresh football boots yet being so excited about it that you couldn’t help but wake her up, it only exacerbated the thought she had. Well, two actually. The first being that she loved you. The second being–

“I want to come to Norway with you.” 

At first you were annoyed at her interruption, thrown off your train of thought as you tried to remember which boots you were getting through the process of elimination. But then you paused, and you processed her words, and you pursed your lips to prevent your excitement coming out too soon.

“You want to come to Norway with me?” You repeated in a shy, quiet voice. You really didn’t want to get ahead of yourself, because this was something you had wanted since you saw her in the airport after your trip last Christmas. The poor woman had just woken up, she probably didn’t even think before she spoke. Or maybe she was trying to cheer you up, or shut you up, or-

“Sí. Contigo. If you will have me.” 

Alexia seemed as equally shy as you did, worried that you’d reject her and shut her down, or freak out and feel like she’d crossed a line you weren’t ready for her to cross yet. You sat there, still on top of her, slightly in awe at the sudden statement she had made. You stayed frozen until you saw her gulp nervously, gazing up at you with wide eyes as she chewed on her lower lip. All her anxiety disappeared the moment you surged forwards and buried your face into her neck with a grin that could have left an imprint on her skin, wrapping yourself around her tightly, the blonde laughing into your ear.

And that was that. So, on the 27th of December, just before evening turned to night, you were waiting at the airport for her this time, in your home country, the city you grew up in. 

It was agreed you’d spend Christmas apart with your respective families, before Alexia would fly out two days later where you’d pick her up. Only a few days had passed since you last saw each other, but it somehow felt even longer than the ten days did the Christmas before. So, it was safe to say, you could hardly stand still while you waited at the arrivals door where she’d walk through. 

When she came into view, you couldn’t help but laugh. She’d been in the country for barely two minutes and she already looked ice cold; coat zipped up to her chin, the hoods of her coat and her hoodie both up, her sleeve pulled over the hand that dragged her suitcase as the other couldn’t have been deeper in her pocket if she tried, even the tip of her nose and her cheeks were red. 

For a second, she paused in place a few steps away from the door, head on a swivel trying to find you before she spotted you, and her whole demeanour lit up. She maneuvered between the holiday crowds with a coy smile as you watched, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet while she made her way over.

“You’re here.” You stated softly, unable to stop the beaming smile when she nodded and wrapped you up in her arms. Your cheeks had already begun to ache, even though she’d only just arrived. 

“Qué frío hace.” She mumbled into your jacket, letting out a content sigh when she heard you laugh in response. “I’m serious.”

“You knew what you were getting yourself into.” You pulled back and gave her a pointed look, to which she rolled her eyes jokingly. “You’re okay though?”

“Sí, I just can’t feel my fingers anymore.” She huffed before smirking at how you rolled your eyes too. “I’m happy to be here. Muy feliz.”

“You’re coming back home with me.” The blonde puffed her cheeks out as she half-exhaled, half-scoffed at your slightly teasing words. She shook you off and hugged you again, trying to disguise her anxiety at the obstacle she had to soon get over. “Are you shaking because you’re cold or because you’re nervous?” 

Of course, you knew her better than almost everyone.

“How did you know I was nervous?” She grumbled into the collar of your jacket, subtly trying to warm her frost-bitten nose. You chuckled at her slight embarrassment at being caught out and turned to kiss her cheek.

“You don’t need to be nervous. My family have been singing your praises since the day you helped me when I almost fainted in training. They’re your biggest fans, you don’t even know half of it.” You thought saying that might put her somewhat at ease, but she lifted her head up abruptly and fixed you with a terrified expression.

“Vale, so big expectations then, no?” She fretted, attempting to come across as if she was kidding, when the fear in her eyes spoke for her. 

“Ale, you will be fine. I swear my life on it.” Alexia took a deep breath in and nodded, forcing an awkward smile that made you laugh quietly. “Actually, if you smile like that, they might send you away.”

“I hate you.”

You grinned smugly and took her suitcase from her, then linked your arm with hers and headed towards the exit. Once you left the building, Alexia’s eyes widened in intimidation at the setting that waited before her. The surrounding area was white. Completely white. She hadn’t ever seen such snow in her life.

The poor Spaniard trailed impossibly slowly behind you, walking like bambi on ice to keep her life intact. It baffled her completely how you strode ahead so confidently, as if the ground wasn’t a death trap below your feet. When she finally made it in the car, she almost threw herself into the passenger seat out of relief, much to your amusement. She heard the laugh you tried to suppress and shot you an unimpressed stare as she put her seatbelt on, mumbling a prayer under her breath at the thought of you driving in this weather. Her grumpy face didn’t change much even after you reassured her you had winter tyres on, because she didn’t even know they existed.

But, obviously, you two made it to your parent’s house with both yourselves and the car in one piece, though the same couldn’t be said for the mentally fragile passenger beside you whose nervous system was probably in tatters at that point. Nobody was home when you arrived, a purposeful plan to ease yours and Alexia’s nerves – your family hadn’t ever met anybody you’d dated before – so you went to unlock the door as she got her luggage out the back of the car. However, even from afar, you could see the tension in her posture and how her hands trembled ever so slightly. 

An idea popped into your head; perhaps it was cruel, but it’d take her mind off of the whole thing.

“Oye! I just got here, I nearly fell!” Alexia exclaimed, snow scattered across the right shoulder of her coat due to the snowball you’d launched at her. You preened under the glare she gave, until she slowly crouched down to the powder under her feet. 

Being back with the snow after a year without it, it was only right to indulge in a twenty minute long snowball fight. Alexia didn’t care much for balance or for meeting your parents when the option of pelting you with snow was offered on a silver platter.

—

Alexia fit in with your family better than you ever expected, she really did have nothing to worry about. Not only that, she seemed to settle into life in Norway seamlessly; the cold she still loathed, and in turn you loathed how she always put her icy hands on your skin, but… she belonged. And she enjoyed the simplicity of it a hundred more times than she thought. 

Mornings were slow and lazy, afternoons were spent exploring the place you grew up, evenings were filled with anecdotes from your family and friends over drinks and incredible meals, and nights were just the two of you in perhaps the comfiest, warmest bed Alexia had ever slept in.

She liked her hectic life back in Spain, that was without a doubt. But the peaceful life you had and your family provided during her stay was something she could definitely get used to. She was already waiting for the right moment to ask when you both could come back again. Your lives back in Spain felt like a million miles away, they were two worlds apart. It was just quality time together with the welcome company of your other favourite people in the world– it was bliss.

And your family hadn’t ever seen you quite so… content and carefree. That revelation reached its peak only three days into Alexia’s stay.

You’d dragged her out on a day of sightseeing, though it was especially cold and that much was evident in the way she wore two pairs of gloves and four layers underneath her coat, which she’d been given for the time being after getting caught shivering in the car by your mother the day before. You pulled her from place to place, animatedly rambling about memories or weird little facts you had about each location you went to. Not once did she complain. Even despite the weather, she listened to every word, happily following you around and taking in everything you had to say.

The only way to thank her for entertaining you was by running the hottest bath you could for her in the hopes it might defrost her enough that her hands returned from their lobster-red shade, but apparently that wasn’t even enough. So you loosely plaited her hair for her, gave her the comfiest pajamas you owned, and led her downstairs to relax together in front of the log burner. 

She watched from her place on the sofa under a mountain of blankets whilst you quickly and precisely lit a roaring fire, its crackles sounding through the room as you made your way over to join her, the orange flames reflecting in her eyes when she smiled up at you. You willed her to sit up momentarily, which she did, before sliding onto the couch so that when she lay down again, her head was on your chest. 

A year had passed since you first got together, a year since you kissed her, a year since you got a girlfriend that treated you better than any stranger ever had. Never in your life could you have pictured you’d end up like this; in your family home with the love of your life in your arms. 

Your first anniversary wasn’t anything big, it just entirely summarised how the two of you fit together. A breakfast date at the cafe you’d gone to way back when, a walk around the city you fell in love in. It was decided that a quick nap would be very welcome once you got back to your flat. Alexia cooked dinner, you helped when she let you (which unfortunately wasn’t very often), you exchanged two presents each, before Alexia helped you to pack since your flight home was the day after. Then you went to bed together, watching a few episodes of the show you were into, until you both fell asleep. Perfect.

Your family hadn’t seen this side of you ever before, because it didn’t exist. Not until Alexia came into your life. 

As you lay in front of the fire, you simply just enjoyed each other’s company without any interruptions. It wasn’t often you had this much free time together, so you made the most of it. There was some light conversation, talking about anything and everything whilst laughing quietly, both of you feeling it more than hearing it. Until there was an interruption, but you just didn’t care.

“Engel, your family.” Alexia whispered when she heard footsteps heading towards the room, going to move out of your hold when you tightened your arms around her. Usually you weren’t a fan of PDA, but something about that moment made that habit of yours seem so unimportant and useless.

When she realised you weren’t budging, Alexia settled back down with a slightly proud smile on her face, though honestly she was just relieved she didn’t have to move because she was quite comfortable, and finally warm.

Your mother knocked on twice, before quietly opening the door so that she didn’t interrupt the serene setting. You beamed up at her, a surprised look on her face. 

“What?” You wondered curiously, puzzled at her confusion.

“I am just surprised.” She said, a hopeful smile on her face. “You know, Alexia, she doesn’t share a blanket with just anybody. She never does. Only with you.”

Alexia laughed gently, lifting her head up to look at you and spotting the light blush on your face. You shrugged, an action that said ‘what can I say, I’m in love’, and that was more than enough for the both of them.

—

One day, you found yourselves in a cable car, heading up to the top of one of the mountains near your hometown. You had suggested that you hike up it, but the look of fear on Alexia’s face at the thought of going up a mountain in the snow was enough for that plan to fly out the window in seconds.

Alexia sat across from you, bundled up in her outdoor gear, looking like the estranged twin of the Michelin man. Her attention was solely on you, whilst you gawked at the 360 view around that still blew your mind despite the hundreds of times you’d done this little journey. You were in awe, you exuded peacefulness, and Alexia couldn't stop herself from speaking.

“You… you light up here. You love it here.” She started, out of nowhere. You turned away from the window and tilted your head in confusion at both her words and the rather morose expression she wore.

“I do. But I also love Barcelona, so you can get that forlorn look off your face, reina del drama.” Your teasing words hardly even reached her.

“But… how? This is your home.” She continued. You rolled your eyes.

“My god. You’re such an idiot. Did you know that you live in Barcelona? And that’s one really big reason why I love it so much?” Somehow, that rendered the captain speechless. Her cheeks were pink, though you couldn’t tell if it was from the chilly weather or your heartfelt words. She smiled shyly and shrugged a shoulder. “Don’t get too big headed, it’s not just you. It’s the club, the environment, my friends that are like family at this point. It’s the feeling of belonging I finally have after… after basically searching for it my whole life. The weather is also nice when it’s not life-threateningly hot. I like the beach and the greenery. And you. So get over yourself.” 

You had no idea where this sudden onslaught of doubt came from for her, but you didn’t like the slightly anxious demeanour she had. You moved to sit beside her, resting your head on her shoulder and taking her hand in yours. Though you knew it was natural, and that Alexia was no stranger to falling victim to her mind, it never failed to make your heart clench that your favourite person in the world could really believe there was ever a possibility that you’d jump at the chance to leave her. 

No matter where football took you both, or just the world in general, you would do anything to keep her in your life, so that you could see her grumpy face in the morning and hear her soft snores at night that helped to soothe you when sleep escaped you. There was so much that she added to your life, you simply wouldn’t survive if she weren’t in it permanently for the rest of it. She had to know that. 

“I love you, Ale. And whether our future is in Barcelona or here or halfway across the world, I’m not doing any of it without you.” You told her honestly. And she appreciated it more than she could express. 

Of course she knew how much she meant to you, it was just nice to be reminded just how much from time to time. Sometimes, she caught herself feeling guilty that you were the one in her city, at her club, surrounded by her family. She wondered how you coped without all those things when she didn’t think she could do it, but you were you. You were stronger than the average person, stronger than anyone she’d ever come across. Sure, you got homesick from time to time, but you took on the challenge of moving to a hot country, with people you didn’t know, with a language you didn’t speak, and took the whole thing in your stride. Alexia wasn’t sure she could do that, and she was in awe of you for it. 

She herself didn’t know where that worrisome blip came from, and she didn’t exactly mean to voice it so suddenly. Yet, like always, you took each and every anxiety of hers and took it away from her in such a subtle way, she almost forgot what she worried about in the first place. Alexia simply wouldn’t survive if you weren’t in her life either.

A period of silence fell after that. There was one thing along this short journey that always caught your eye; the small, local football stadium. God knows how many hours you spent in it growing up, transitioning from being a fan in the stands to a player on the pitch. It also happened to be a place you’d been to countless times with the national team. 

The possibility that you had been considering for some time, on your own, hit especially hard at that moment, so much so that it almost took your breath away. Though it filled you with fear, it was something that, as time went on, you longed for more and more. And after the short but especially meaningful conversation you just had, you knew the women to the left of you made it seem much more appealing than it ever had before. There’s no chance it would have happened without her, so now that you did have her, you were going to take full advantage of the confidence and self-belief she’d instilled in you. 

“Do you think I could ever fit back into the national team?” You said it.

Alexia didn’t seem even half as shocked at the question than you thought she would. And you realised, as she debated her next words carefully, that she’d probably known for a while that there was something on your mind, she was just waiting for you to come to her about it.

“Of course. You would be one of the best players there.” She chose a lighter direction to start with, and the sheepish gaze you gave her told her it was the right decision. You stayed silent for a little longer, somewhat afraid of turning what used to be nothing more than a daydream into a reality. One that could end amazingly, or terribly. The unknown was terrifying.

“What if… I tried, but I couldn’t handle it again?” Your voice could hardly be classed as a whisper, almost unintelligible and drowned out by the wind and the whirring of the cable car. “I miss playing for Norway. They still check in every six months to see if I want to go back. I just… don’t know what to think.” 

An arm slid around your shoulders and a reassuring kiss was pressed to your temple. You sighed and leaned into the comfort she offered as she gathered her thoughts once more.

“You have been thinking about this for a while, engel. I know that because I have seen it in your face. You are in a very different place than you were when you chose to leave, all those years ago.” She began, pausing for a second for you to process what she was saying. “You are so different. You know yourself better, you know what works for you and what doesn’t. You are older, more mature, more experienced both in football and your life. I believe you could handle it.”

You closed your eyes when she uttered that last sentence, the weight of it winding you. You’d waited years to hear that. Your heart beated a little faster, your eyes burned with the sting of tears that formed, your mouth went dry. Nothing could have prepared you to hear that. Alexia let it sit for some time, her hand moving down so that she could slowly run it up and down your back. However, she felt compelled to continue, so she did.

“It would be an adjustment, of course it would. But I know you, and I know you could do it. I want you to do it because I know it will go well, and I think that it being a success would prove to you and let you see for yourself how far you have come. I see it, Ingrid sees it, we all see it. I feel like you don’t let yourself see it sometimes and I want you to. I want you to be proud of yourself.” 

That was exactly why you decided to speak up about the topic when you did. 

However, in your overloaded mind in that moment, there was one aspect of how she worded things that made your stomach drop.

“Would you think differently of me if I didn’t do it? As a player, if I didn’t represent my country?” 

As if she would ever. 

“Of course I wouldn’t.” She said, grimacing afterwards at how defensive it sounded. She regretted it instantly when you apologised, to which she shook her head in response and hugged you closer. “I don’t judge Mapi for not wanting to play on the national team, I never could. And I never could judge you for it either.”

“But Mapi has different reasons.” You argued feebly.

“Different reasons on paper, yes. But you both do it because you have values important to you and that is the only thing that matters.” You nodded, because you couldn’t argue with that one. 

The conversation wasn’t over, but it went a million times better than you thought it would. So as you both let the words and the weight of it to settle, you found yourself… smiling. Because it seemed much more likely and possible than it had in years.

“Would you be disappointed if I didn’t end up going back?” After all, that’d mean the conversation was totally pointless. You didn’t want to get her hopes up just to fail miserably and make a laughing stock of yourself.

“No. I know that you will really think hard about this and if you decide that it isn’t good for you, then I stand by you with that because you don’t shy away from new things. If you choose not to, I know it’s because you have genuine reasons. So, no, I would not be disappointed with you and I never could be.” 

How she always knew what to say, you didn’t know. Or, rather, you hadn’t ever had someone say all the right things, someone that understood you on such a level like Alexia did, who knew what you were truly capable of and what you weren’t. Most importantly, someone that told you it was okay if you weren’t capable of doing something. 

“You always ask me what first made me fall in love with you. Well, one reason was your determination and your strength. You have had more setbacks than most, you have to tackle obstacles in your way almost everyday, yet you still wake up every morning and don’t let anything stop you. You still do new things, come across new challenges, and you thrive so well after them. You are… there’s nobody like you.”

Well, you would be a fool not to give it a go at least.

—

there is a small chance this could be my last fic before uni starts, buuut i have ended this fic this way so that whenever i feel like writing it i can get started asap for the next reverie fic which will be about the national team. however idk how these next few weeks will look but i think i should probably get it done since i leave my full time job on friday and will be free as a birddd for a few weeks til uni. but i hope you enjoyed this, ty ty ty for reading <3

[drewswife]

Labor

summary: y/n went into labor and gave birth to her baby girl and Rafe cried for the first time in a while

contains: mentions of childbirth and blood, Rafe and y/n crying

A/n: I hope it is good but thanks for requesting! anon

The gush was sudden, jolting me awake. I scrambled out of bed, heart pounding. It wasn't a leak, a trickle, or even a slow flow. It was a torrent, soaking through my pajamas and pooling on the floor. "Rafe!" I yelled, my voice hoarse with panic.

He stumbled in, sleep still clinging to his eyes. "What? What is it?"

"My water broke!" I gasped, pointing to the growing puddle around my feet. "It's everywhere!"

Rafe's eyes widened. "Oh my god. Okay, okay, stay calm. I'll call the hospital. Did you pack the bag?"

"I think so," I mumbled, already feeling the contractions starting, each one a sharp, insistent wave.

He dialed the hospital, his voice a low rumble of concern. "Yes, she's having contractions now. ... Yes, we're on our way. ... Okay, thank you." He hung up, his gaze fixed on me. "Time to go. Can you walk?"

I nodded, each step a challenge against the growing intensity of the contractions. Rafe rushed around, grabbing the diaper bag, my phone, and a blanket. We raced out the door, locking the house behind us.

The drive to the hospital was a blur. Rafe drove like a madman, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. I gripped the seat, moaning through each contraction. The world outside the car windows was a kaleidoscope of flashing lights and blurred buildings.

We arrived at the hospital, breathless and disheveled. The nurses rushed us to a delivery room, their faces a mixture of concern and excitement. They hooked me up to monitors, checked my dilation, and prepared me for the long haul.

Hours passed, each contraction more excruciating than the last. I cried out, my voice raw with pain. Rafe held my hand, his grip steady and reassuring. He whispered words of encouragement, his eyes filled with love and worry.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I felt the urge to push. I strained, my muscles burning, my body shaking. With each push, I felt a surge of hope, a flicker of anticipation.

Then, it happened. A sudden rush of pressure, followed by a feeling of release. I heard a cry, a tiny, mewling sound that filled the room with joy.

"It's a girl!" the nurse announced, handing me my baby.

I looked down at her, my heart overflowing. She was perfect, tiny and pink, with a mop of my dark curls. And rafe blue eyes I brought her to my chest, tears streaming down my face.

Rafe leaned over, his eyes shining with tears. "She's beautiful," he whispered.

“What should we name her” i whispered back

Rafe looked at her for a while “sage”

We spent the next few hours in a haze of euphoria. We marveled at our daughter, her tiny fingers and toes, her delicate features. We took turns holding her, our hearts overflowing with love.

As the hours passed, the initial shock of childbirth gave way to a sense of peace. I looked at Rafe, his face etched with exhaustion but also with an indescribable joy. We had done it. We had brought a new life into the world, together.

The next morning, we were discharged from the hospital. As we walked out the door, hand in hand, I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. We had faced a challenge together, and we had come out stronger, our bond deepened by the shared experience.

We walked down the street, our daughter sleeping peacefully in her car seat. Rafe smiled at me, his eyes twinkling. "We did it," he said, his voice filled with wonder.

I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes. We had done it. We had faced the unknown, embraced the pain, and emerged on the other side, changed forever. And as we walked down the street, our hearts filled with love and hope, I knew this was just the beginning of our adventure.

taglist:@chrislilcumslvt @drewstarkeyzwhore

if u wanna be added comment!

[itsnesss]

how about a jun ho smut fic? :) where he stops reader cuz she’s not wearing a helmet and she flirts with him to not give her a ticket but the second time this happens she tries to do the same thing but he wants more? :)) lets just say that they take their little adventure to reader’s house and they literally just fuck

tyy <333

𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 | hwang jun-ho × fem!reader

summary | the request

warnings | smut, explicit content, evade the law?, sexual tension, consensual sex, power dynamics, oral sex, p in v, unprotected sex

word count | 2.0 k

author's note | it would help me a lot if you liked, commented and reposted so that more people read what I write and don't forget to follow me, thanks ᡣ𐭩

The roar of your motorcycle engine reverberates against the buildings as you glide through the streets of Seoul. The wind brushes your face and messes up your hair, but you don’t wear a helmet. You hate how it ruins your style, even though you know it’s foolish. Despite that, you feel an unparalleled freedom, as if you could escape everything.

But your momentary euphoria comes to a screeching halt when you see red and blue lights reflected in the side mirrors. You curse under your breath as you slow down and park by the curb. A police officer approaches slowly.

He’s tall, with perfectly combed dark hair and a face straight out of a K-drama. His deep, serious eyes lock onto yours with a mix of disapproval and authority, forcing you to look away for a second.

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” he asks, his voice firm but not hostile.

You know perfectly well, but you decide to play innocent. “For an excess of style?” you reply, flashing a coquettish smile.

He doesn’t smile. He takes out his ticket book and starts writing.

“For not wearing a helmet. It’s dangerous for you and others.”

You lean slightly toward him, letting your leather jacket slide a bit to reveal your collarbone. You look at him with eyes full of feigned innocence.

“Come on, officer, it’s not that serious. I promise I’ll wear a helmet next time. Do we really need to do this?”

Hwang Jun-ho, according to the name on his badge, sighs and shakes his head.

“It’s not going to work.” He hands you the ticket, ignoring your blatant attempts.

Your smile fades. You take the ticket, feigning a pout as you start your motorcycle again. Before leaving, you cast him one last glance. “What a waste,” you think as you ride away.

A few days later, fate plays another cruel trick on you. You’re speeding through downtown, once again without a helmet, when you see those familiar lights behind you.

You sigh and pull over, already knowing who it is. And there he is, wearing the same serious expression, as if he’s tired of you but also entertained by your brazenness.

“Again?” he says, crossing his arms over his uniform.

You step off the bike, letting your boots make a deliberate noise against the pavement. You walk toward him, this time with more confidence.

“I guess I just can’t help running into you, Officer Hwang. Maybe it’s destiny.”

He doesn’t respond, but you notice his jaw tighten slightly. You lean in, letting yourself invade his personal space.

“You should let me off this time. You already gave me a ticket, remember?” Your fingers lightly brush the edge of his badge.

This time, something in his gaze shifts. It’s not quite a smile, but his lips curve slightly.

“Do you really think flirting with me is going to get you out of this?”

“Maybe.” You bite your lower lip, knowing you’re playing with fire.

Jun-ho puts away his ticket book. It surprises you, but before you can celebrate your small victory, he leans toward you. His face is dangerously close, and his voice drops to a near whisper.

“If you’re going to play, make sure you know the rules.”

Your heart races as you try to figure out if he’s joking or as serious as always. You decide to take your chances.

“And what are the rules, officer?”

His smile widens, but he says nothing. Instead, he hands you a card with his phone number.

“Call me if you decide you’re ready to play for real.”

Before you can respond, he walks away, leaving you frozen on the sidewalk.

That same night, you can’t get his face out of your head. You decide to text him. You don’t have much to lose.

You: “What kind of game did you have in mind, officer?”

The reply comes minutes later.

Jun-ho: “Are you home?”

Your stomach flips.

You: “Yes. Why?”

Jun-ho: “I’m coming over.”

Your heart pounds as you rush to tidy up your apartment. You have no idea what you’re doing, but there’s something about him that intrigues you too much to stop.

When you hear a knock at the door, your breath catches. You open it, and there he is, still partially in uniform, but without the jacket and with his tie slightly loosened.

“You don’t waste time, do you?” you say, trying to keep your composure.

“You texted me first.” He closes the door behind him, his eyes scanning you from head to toe.

There’s a palpable tension in the air, and as you step toward him, you both know neither of you plans to stop.

He leans in, his lips meeting yours with an intensity that leaves you breathless. His hands, strong and assured, find your waist and pull you closer. You feel the heat of his body against yours as he guides you toward the couch.

“Is this part of the rules?” you ask, trying to catch your breath.

Jun-ho smiles against your neck, his voice low and full of desire.

“We make the rules. What matters is that we both agree".

You smile, but you no longer have the composure to joke. Your body responds to his presence, desiring him more with each passing moment.

You slide your hands over his torso, feeling his muscles tense under your touch. He grunts as he removes his shirt, his eyes shining with desire when he sees you already naked in his arms.

His fingers move closer to your chest, playing with your nipples and making them harden. You moan, leaning towards him and desperately seeking his mouth. He gives you a stronger kiss, their tongues intertwining as he caresses you.

A second later, your pants fall to your feet, and your boots hit the floor. Jun-ho slides down, kissing every inch of your skin with a perfect combination of tenderness and desire.

He reaches for your black panties and pulls them down with an expert motion. He tosses them aside, bringing his face closer to your pussy.

"I want to see you," he says, his black eyes shining.

You don't know what to expect, but then he starts licking you with small flicks of his tongue. You moan when his mouth meets your clitoris, his lips surrounding it. Your breathing becomes irregular as you melt in his arms, your hands in his hair as he licks you more and more. Your stomach beats hard, the tension in your body growing with each second until you explode in his mouth, a torrent of pleasure that leaves you trembling.

But he doesn't stop there. He gets up, his fingers slipping two of them into your pussy while he licks you, your body reacting once more, the tension inside you growing until you're about to come for the second time.

"Do you like it?" he says, looking at you with his dark and bright eyes, his voice full of confidence as he sits on your couch.

You moan as you straddle him. You see him lower his pants, his cock hard and ready for you. You touch it, feeling its thickness and warmth in your fingers. He sighs, his eyes closing for a second before looking at you with more passion than before.

"Put it inside," he says, his voice a plea.

You obey, lowering yourself onto his cock and feeling it make its way into your pussy. Your breath catches for a moment as you adjust to him, but soon you're moving, his thighs between yours as you rock back and forth on his member.

His mouth finds yours, a desperate kiss while he caresses you. His fingers play with your nipples, making them harden while he fucks you, your breath quick and shallow.

His arms wrap around your body, pulling you tighter to him as he fucks you harder and faster, your pussy adjusting to his thickness.

"You are so fucking hot" he says, growling in your ear. "So fucking sexy".

You laugh as you speed up, your breath hitching as you feel the pleasure grow in your body. Jun-ho moans, his fingers gripping your hips and pulling you down once more.

"Jun-ho..." you say, your voice a moan, pleasure a torrent within you.

He kisses you, his eyes meeting yours in a moment of passion and connection. You feel yourself falling onto him once more, the tension building until you explode, your muscles contracting around his cock.

He moans, his body trembling beneath you. You have the impression that it's not what he expected, but he can't stop either. A second later, he comes inside you, his fingers digging into your skin as he gasps against your face.

You are sitting on him for a moment, wrapping your arms around his body while you wait for him to calm down. Finally, you slide to the side, his fingers caressing your breasts with a gentle and slow touch.

"I think I should never wear a helmet again," you say, smiling against his chest.

Jun-ho laughs, his arms wrapping around you with a warmth that makes you feel safe and calm.

"No, of course not, you will use it" he says, stroking your hair.

You laugh in turn, knowing that perhaps, after all, the freedom you have always been looking for was there, waiting for you on a street in Seoul.

[hollyhomburg]

Before I Leave You (Pt. 80)

(Omegaverse au, Mafia au, Bts x Reader)

Summary: “Come on hyung, fuck her like you mean it.”

Tags: Groupsex, Mating cycles/in heat, fivesome, exhibitionism, voyeurism, slight Jungkook x m/c focus, praise kink, Knotfucking, dumbification, mind-break, Namjoon calls Yoongi a bitch once in like a sexy way, omegaspace sex, lactation kink, false pregnancy, some good ol' tiddy sucking, omega x omega content, scissoring, pussy spanking, excessive squirting, size kink, breif mention of monstercock dildos, overstimulation kink, forced orgasam (but not in a cnc way), knot milking, mommy kink, daddy kink, trans characters, discussion of girl knot/cock, girl on top, feral sex, biting, humor, this is soft and horny and funny and sweet.

W/c: 12.7k

A/n: Ahhhh i'm sorry it took so long for me to write this chapter- the good thing is the next one won't be that far off! Until then if you like this story and want to read a different version of the beginning that has like 5+ additional chapters of how yoongi and the m/c got together you can read it here.

Previous part - Masterlist - First part

As you can expect, there is some clamoring around Yoongi.

Everyone reaches to feel, to touch, to check. Your hand is among the others tangling with Tae's fingers then Hobi's. Every touch is exploratory, curious, and coming to terms. Shocked and happy, weirded out and displeased. There are so many emotions that everyone's scents are all over the place. Surprised, excited, and scared.

Jungkook starts to tip his head, eyes open, leaning into Namjoon's space and falling, like he can't figure out which alpha to please with the scent of a new knot in the air. Jin lets out a shocked noise, not entirely upset but still.

“Wow is he bigger than Minnie and Hobi?” “I don’t know, but you should definitely measure.” “It feels so much less firm than a normal knot,” “Like squish mellow” “And he’s got that vein! I can see it pulse!” "Wow what the fuck, it’s so pink."

"Am I dreaming it's like my dream for everyone to have a knot."

"Even the pup?"

"Especially the pup. Have you seen Tae's dick? Girl knots are like- so ugh."

Until it gets too much, until Yoongi’s hips splay, and his head tips back, breath ragged. “Guys I’m-”

"Alright." Namjoon snaps, loudly. "Everyone back off. Give him some room."

You do not back up, you curl up around your mate's body protectively, still barely conscious of the fact that you're dripping into the nest below you. But you don't really think that Namjoon was talking about you and he doesn't make you move once you snatch your hand back. Resting it loosely on Yoongi's hip, clutching at his shirt like you think someone is going to take him away.

Namjoon eyes your hand and then your face. You tip your chin down demurely like there can't possibly be any way you'd missbehave. Namjoon huffs, shaking his head before he ducks down.

The pack alpha examines Yoongi’s knot under an appraising eye. His big hands turning it this way and that, Yoongi’s eyes roll back no one gives him shit for rocking up into Namjoon’s touch, needy.

Does knotting always feel this way? There’s pressure in his lower stomach, a tightening that makes no sense. That sort of feels like his self-control is spiraling away or dangling on the edge of a very precarious edge. Like all of him is about to break or perhaps be made whole.

Yoongi doesn't like thinking of sex as something necessary for love. But knotting certainly feels like a cross between the two.

No wonder why alphas are such knotheads. If fucking always felt like this, like the sex equivalent of a full body hug that lasts for hours, instead of a singular moment of euphoria and closeness. Yoongi would never want to fuck any other way. No wonder why they're so possessive too.

This feeling- Yoongi’s not addicted, not yet.  

You hook your chin over his shoulder to watch, sniffling. And Yoongi is a little too aware of you. The way your body lies against his arm, the dewy brush of his wrist on your stomach as you set your body against his. He must be going insane; he must have bit you again and given you a fresh mating mark. Because it feels like he can feel the mating mark wrapping around his cock.

You're a little more lucid because the pack’s sour scents cut through the breeding haze.

“Is Yoongi like- presenting?” Your voice sounds so small, so fragile. Yoongi bares his teeth at it. He tips his head into yours, nosing at the side of your face. Trying to reassure you. Trying not to bite. Hissing when Namjoon once again pulls at the skin of his knot.

“I don’t think so,” Namjoon says carefully, slowly. Reaching for Jin's glasses on the edge of the nest (because they're roughly the same prescription) so that he can take a look at the underside of Yoongi’s cock and the scent glands just below it.

They’re not puffy and not swollen like an alpha's. Alpha's knot to scent mark, not just breed. It's surprisingly a relief knowing that not all of Yoongi's biology has changed.

"He’s like still a beta? Right?”

“As far as I can tell yes.” Namjoon hesitates, poking at Yoongi’s knot harder. Eyes flicking up to measure his response. Yoongi does not snap at him, doesn’t do anything but lean against the column of Namjoon’s arm like he’s having a hard time holding his body up. When Namjoon puts his hand on the base of Yoongi’s throat, he doesn’t do anything but close his eyes.

"No- if you were an alpha you'd be biting my head off right now. You're definitely not presenting" Namjoon decides, begging that it's true. His own instincts are just a hum beneath his skin.

Namjoon might be a man of science, but he does trust his instincts more than he’d ever willingly admit. Namjoon's inner alpha is not chomping at the bit for a show of dominance and is not threatened by the sudden muskiness of another foreign knot. A shock in itself. Any scent of an unfamiliar knot combined with the smell of their omega in heat would make any of the alphas, even hoseok the tamest one, go feral. Packs work that way.

Beyond an extra layer of horniness, Yoongi’s thick chocolate scent has not changed. Not even a little bit once Namjoon sniffs and rolls the taste of it around on his tongue.

Namjoon presses the side of his face to Yoongi’s neck and closes his eyes. You can feel Yoongi’s heart flutter with how you’re holding onto his arm. After a moment namjoon pulls away. “You’ll be fine.”

You sag, a bit in relief. Yoongi? An alpha? If Namjoon says he’s not you believe him. Your brain is too hazy to think straight. But you decide you’re glad he’s not. Yoongi’s perfect- you’d hate it if something changed without his say-so. You babble, say it. And your mate covers his face.

“If I had to bet, I’d say it’s the mating mark. I’d like to take tests but-” Jin’s head jerks up, scent souring. Sensing a trip to the hospital before it’s even been said. Jungkook’s eyes on Yoongi don’t blink, grinning down at that knot with his hair in his face, already excited and dopey. As if talking about the hospital is enough to summon another seizure.

“After maybe. If it’s still a problem.” Namjoon caveats, pausing to rub down Yoongi’s arm, soothing him. Yoongi is still trembling. Still shaking so hard that he can't really move with any coordination.

“Has anything like this ever happened before?” Seokjin asks, carefully. Pillow over his bare lap. Namjoon has the good sense to at least put on some shorts. Jimin looks at Tae quickly and Tae does not return his gaze. Some secret soulmate conversation going on between them that you can’t read.

When you look up at Hobi- he’s watching your face. He doesn’t look away but after a moment he shrugs as if to say ‘Our beta has a knot- so what?’

“I’ve never heard of a beta popping a knot. I’m not sure. I think this might just be us.”

You groan, hiding your face under Yoongi’s chin. His breath heaves, and he turns back to you, nuzzling back.

“Is it my slick? Or the mating mark? Did I do this to him?” your eyes are wet, tears already threatening. You are already generally sensitive, and even more so in heat. Yoongi eases away your worries with a quick kiss to the side of your face. Cutting off your guilt before it has a chance to build.

“None of that now. If I had to change for anyone I’m glad it’s you.”

The pack is quiet around you, all in varying states of nudity. Quiet at the truth of what he says, how suddenly deep this has gotten. But he's right, you'd change for any of them. You wouldn't mind either. Yoongi rubs your cheek and you pull yourself half into his lap for a cuddle. Needy, too worn down to let it go. Yoongi’s hands go around your waist keeping you close. You melt into his arms, still sniffling.

"Your dick was perfect before though-"

"Sweetheart " he groans. You pull back from him, glancing down at his lap.

"What? I'm just saying-"

“Don’t look at it!”

Hoseok chokes back a laugh and tries to keep it in, but before you can help it everyone's laughing and covering their faces with their hands to keep from smiling. 

“You didn’t cum at all. Did you?" Namjoon asks, eyes dark. Yoongi starts to lift the hem of the shirt you wear, showing.

“No, I didn’t.” Yoongi can feel a bit of skin at the base of his cock, still loose, still half popped. If you weren’t more preoccupied with holding your mate and controlling your weepyness. You’d be more curious about the knot pressed between your legs.

Maybe this is just resource-guarding. Classic omega in heat, of course, the most valuable resource is your mate. 

“You know” Namjoon hesitates, looking from Yoongi to Jin. “Popping a knot without ejaculating sperm is kind of medically dangerous-”

“Namjoon-” Jin scolds.

“Sorry- without Cuming is actually kind of dangerous. Especially because it’s like, not typical for you to have a knot.” Namjoon licks his lips, "We should probably make sure that it's like- working."

You don’t know if it’s hornyness or just Namjoon being concerned for Yoongi’s health (probably a little bit of both) but you perk up. Blinking at the pack alpha who looks a little strained. A little like he’s trying not to look too much.

Across the nest, Jungkook shuffles forward, blatantly eyeing Yoongi’s knot like he’s just found his new favorite toy. But no sooner is he putting his hand on the beta’s tight before Jin is pulling him back the collar. "No no no pup, that's not yours yet."

He lets out a little bereft whimper but you hardly notice. Eyes bright and directed up at Namjoon. Like it honestly hadn’t occurred to you that now that your mate has a knot that means he can use it. Yoongi can knot you now. Pack Alpha is so smart! You don't know how it didn't occur to you yet but-

Oh, you really want that. You really want Yoongi to knot you.

The self-consciousness Yoongi felt earlier is entirely forgotten. You’re a little dumb in heat. A little floaty. Yoongi doesn’t mind. This is why you have packmates, to make these complicated decisions for you.

Yoongi’s hands are still firm around your waist. If Yoongi does have a knot now, for the time being, then you should get first dibs.

You whine, he was perfect without it really but you really really really like knots, your squishy omega brain is convinced that you need it. That it’s yours and your packmates are suddenly keeping it from you. You bare your teeth. No bite, all bark. You'd actually growl at them if Yoongi’s hands didn't clamp down around your waist. Hard. Harder than he usually touches you. It jogs you out of your reverie.

Marks. Kis fingers hold you hard enough that you could have bruises. Good. You want marks on you and on him. Your mating mark isn't enough. Not now, not with Yoongi having a knot.

“Should I, should you-” The pack settles in, ringing both you and Yoongi, as you stare each other down, both of your scents spiking wildly as you take each other in. Seeing each other in a new light.  

Yoongi laughs, deep and rough. And you get shivers down your spine. Your voice is high-pitched and squeaky from the strain. "Don't tease me."

He nudges the underside of your jaw with his nose. "Come on, it's sorta easy" his teeth brush your mating mark and you gasp, the threat of a bite but not a bite at all. "and you like it."

The pack looms closer so close they can reach out and touch, can reach out and feel. "Should we watch? I think we should watch" “Yes. Definitely yes.” “Yes, I think we should, yes please.” "they're so pretty when they fuck."

But Jungkook huffs, a little bratty, a little bit upset that there's a knot he's not allowed to ride. "Can't I get one lick?"

"No Koo" Jungkook jerks against his hold.

"If I lick it, is it mine? While she rides it does it count if I lick it?” Jungkook gets dragged over Jin’s lap for that one, completely happy with it as the other omega lands several swats over his behind. Giggling as he goes.

The slapping sounds are distant. Jungkook's skin glows from the force of the hits but his cheeks are round from his smile sweet. A Spanking? You'd like one of those. Maybe you can provoke it from one of your packmates sometime later. You might need a settling after this.

Your brain is a mess of wants and instincts. But a spanking can wait. Yoongi's knot presses just under your pussy and you grind onto it experimentally. Tingles of pleasure filling your whole body. Good. It's so good. You snarl.

“No. No Jk- pup”

You are not paying attention as Jungkook tries to claw his way over to you; laughing, making a game of it. You and Yoongi are not speaking but you are communicating. Every grit of his teeth says mine, and every twitch of his hands on your hips says keep going. You look down at your mate and lick your teeth, polishing your canines as you eye him. The line of his throat. The pinkness of his nose. His chest- everything.

As Yoongi huffs, half fond. Cheeks slowly warm the more your eyes roam, the more you look and hunger. 

It’s not that you’ve never been a sexual creature and it’s not that Yoongi has never seen you want him. But too often have you been like Noodle. Too frequently has he been the steward of your lust, carefully encouraging it and letting you be fickle and safe. Every time you've had sex you've been timid. he’s always letting you know through every breath that you’re not too much and that you can have it in any way that you want.

But now- now you’re eyeing Yoongi like you want to eat him.

Your brain is too syrupy and slow to do more than grind against his knot (like I said, all bark, no bite) your pussy dribbles onto it. The glide of your slick hole so much against such sensitive skin, pressed between your body and his. An omega possessed. An omega on a mission. 

He’s been on the business end of many knots but this- this is different. Your eyes are open hardly blinking, Jungkook’s hands trail up Yoongi’s thigh to his hip.

"You're hiding it-" he whines, bratty. But gets snapped back into the alpha's waiting jaws. More spanks. until someone, Jimin maybe is tugging at Jungkook's cock between his legs while he gets plugged up by Namjoon's knot. Namjoon's the only one out of all of them that can truly distract Jungkook. Can possibly stop him from trying to covet Yoongi.

Yoongi's knot doesn’t belong to him. As his mate you have rights.

You push him back to lie in the nest and Yoongi lets you. It’s instinct to straddle him, to get him under you where he can’t move. Even though you don’t usually fuck like this with you on top. You don’t know why this in-heat version of yourself seems preoccupied with riding or not riding, maybe it’s a control thing or vulnerability.

Your body is unused to the heat, unsure of quite what the edge of want and don’t want to meet. Unsure if you want all the control or the complete lack of it. You are weak to your instincts. Weak, even though you know if you just lied back Yoongi would take care of you.

Your instincts give you neither choice nor reason nor want for anything, anything but this. Hoseok's hands slide up Yoongi's knees, touch your lower back, everything. Everyone everywhere touching both of you. Egging you on with their bare teeth and wildly sweet scents.

The head of Yoongi's cock slides up and through your slick, catching on your hole for a moment before it pops away,

You don’t know who guides Yoongi’s knot to your fluttering hole, only that it’s there. It’s easy to sink back, eyes furrowed as you concentrate on the feeling of getting Yoongi’s knot inside of you, cheeks warm at the eyes of the pack on you.

Beside you Tae paws at Jimin’s knot he makes a nose in his throat, but Tae’s all smiles. “Minnie likes it.” She croons in a singsong tone. Hooking an arm around his waist and sliding her hands under the elastic hem of his boxers to toy with him.

There is breath on the back of your shoulder, condensation turning your skin dewy. A hungry alpha ready to swallow you whole. Looming. You don’t look to see who it is, who's looking over your shoulder watching Yoongi’s face as you ride him.

You have a sinking suspicion it might be Hobi.

You fall into a slow rhythm appreciating the way that it feels, nudging at your entrance. Filling you routine. You’re getting better at this setting the pace on your own. Moving at a steady rhythm. A rhythm that makes you sigh and squeak. Your body feels so far away. The ache in your knees, the soreness in your hole, and the tiredness in you are all impermanent compared to the pleasure.

You focus on the feeling of your hands on his chest and the pleasure that comes with fucking yourself down on his knot. It’s a good knot. Not too big, not too small, just right. Everything about Yoongi is just right for you. You mewl as you speed up your pace. Instincts burning for more more more.

Sweat bleeds down your back and Yoongi’s jaw rolls, unblinking below you. Someone wipes away a bit of drool on your jaw and you can’t find it in yourself to be embarrassed. Tipping your head back.

“Does it feel good pup, the way his knot feels in your little hole?"

"Not so little anymore," Tae snickers, "she's practically bouncing on it."

Yoongi’s knuckles are white with how hard he holds your hips, doing his best not to guide your rhythm or disrupt it. Someone's hand is in your hair, tugging and tangling with it, pulling you up and down.

Namjoon leans down to whisper in Yoongi’s ear. “Good huh? Pussy fucking you up hyung? Gonna be a little bitch and make a mess in our pup? Gonna put your little knot where you want and breed her?” 

Yoongi lets out an achy moan. And hope that you didn’t hear that. Or feel how it makes him twitch and pulse. Knot seconds from popping. Already mostly popped from before. He’s not going to last. Yoongi knows it will be quick.

"Bet you can feel how I fucked her open for you huh?"

Yoongi does not pause to push Namjoon’s face away as the alpha bites his shoulder- his ear- his everywhere. Namjoon's not nearly as unaffected as he pretends to be but Yoongi is too focused on you.

Yoongi has always been the perfect fit, not quite as long as Hobi or as thick as Jimin or the type of knot that makes you feel it for days after like Tae and Namjoon. It’s a good thing you’re a size queen because now you can fuck yourself down on Yoongi’s knot, regardless of the size it threatens to swell too.

Yoongi’s knot is about as thick around as Namjoon’s cock is normally so you still struggle to go all the way down, but stretching yourself around the wideness is good, feels nice. Sates the fire inside of you. His knot presses all nice and hot snug against that spot inside of you. You babble it, saying how good good good your mate is, how you can feel his cock stretching you out and breeding you. Almost mindless from pleasure.

Almost but not yet.

Yoongi slides his palm from your stomach up to your sternum, under the black shirt you wear, stroking over your skin lazily before his fingers tangle in the material, pulling it. using it to guiding and goad you into fuck him faster. Saying nothing. Eyes on you. Dark and heavy-lidded.

To shut you up (not because he wants you to shut up but because he wants to hold off from cumming for as long as he can). Yoongi gets his feet under him and drives his hips up. Fucking up into you. Faster and faster until you can tell you're almost taking all of it. All of it. As much as you can.

“That’s it, there you go baby. Fuck her like an alpha. She wants to take it, you just have to help make her.”

“Come on hyung, fuck her like you mean it.”

Beside you, Tae's hand works underneath the waistband of Jimin's boxers, a thumb hooked there lazily. Stilling for a second. Her knuckles wrapped around his knot probably. Hobi is tucked along Jin's side, hips stuttering working. Watching you and Yoongi. Namjoon grins, showing his teeth.  

You have almost all of his knot in you now, everything but the widest bit, just a little more, just a little and you’ll have it. You bounce up and down on it experimentally. You grin, very very convinced that you don’t have to wait for Yoongi’s knot to go down to continue.

Your mate's hands circle your wrists, holding them hard, pulling you down hard every time you pick yourself up, trying to keep you stationary. But Yoongi’s needs are very very far away in his mind.

It’s almost better this way, looking down at him, working your body down his knot. Testing the give and breathing through it the way that Namjoon has taught you to breathe through taking his knot. The pack all around, watching you and encouraging you. They're so close, it sort of feels like they're all fucking you this way.

Tae’s fingers dimple in your thighs and Jk rests his head along Yoongi’s tummy so he can watch his knot sink inside of you as a treat when he takes his spanking like a good pup. A strong hand in his hair to keep him from moving forward a few inches to lick. Pout on his face. When your pace stutters, body overtired from heat, Hobi's hand goes under your thigh to help pick you up, taking the weight of your body for you.

You finally get Yoongi’s knot inside of you, but it doesn’t stop there, you put your hands on his chest and pick yourself off of it again. It tugs but slips past the rim of muscle after a second, slick sliding down the big swollen curve of it. It takes some finesse, but your body gives way and his knot is once again hovering just on the precipice.

Then you sit yourself back down.

Jimin’s breathless curse against your throat feels almost guttural. You hardly hear it too focused on fucking Yoongi’s knot like a cock.

 “Fuck, omega's knot fucking is-” 

“It’s hot,” Jin says, leaning down to brush Yoongi’s sweaty bangs from his forehead. “How does it feel honey? Feeling your mate around your knot? All good? All nice and snug?”

“She’s-” Yoongi pants through it breath ragged, close to cumming, knot pulsating. “Warm” his voice is strained and he scrambles to reach for you. Yoongi’s lap, his whole stomach really, is covered in your slick. The slide is almost too slippery. If you weren’t concentrating so hard on keeping rhythm you’d tell him you love him.

“Overwhelming, feels like- feels like- fuck-”

But you know he already knows, can feel it in the way he touches you. The way he looks at you. Everything.

You squirt, wet noisy, little dribbles of cum flicking up across his chest, clamping down around his knot so hard that Yoongi has no choice. Your pace stutters and you sigh. You hardly notice the pleasure rocking through you, hardly notice as you start to tremble. Little ‘hng’ noises pushed from your throat with every sweet jut of Yoongi’s hips. Still fucking his knot all the way in and all the way out.

Yoongi fucks the same way he talks, sweet but firm. He cums that way too. Warm and slow. You feel every syllable and every drop.

But Yoongi has no words for the ecstasy of knotting you. Groaning deep, more guttural, more animal than you’ve ever heard him sound. Cumming, knot popping fully. Finally. Your legs shake and your head drops as it throbs and swells.

You finally stop riding him but he keeps pulling you down at the same second he sits up quick, until he's sitting with you in his lap. Wrapping his arms around you. Whipping your hair from your face, cupping your cheeks, forehead to forehead.

A bit of your squirt drips down the seam of his hip, the place where his thigh and stomach wrinkle. Staining the nest a darker shade of pink.

But there are hands to settle your giggles, his knot pulsates, and you feel wet and warm inside. You ease up and he holds you for a moment. Skin to skin. Breath to breath. Both of you panting through your comedown.

The others fall upon you.

Jin's hand cups your stomach, and Jungkook's teeth drive into Yoongi's shoulder with a quiet yelp and a 'yah jungkookie'. you love how grumbly yoongi gets when he's feeling sensitive but safe.

Namjoon tilts your chin up and kisses you, messy and filthy. When you part you feel dizzy from lack of oxygen. You can't yet register that you're panting, breathing heavily. Still sort of cumming. One orgasm blends into another. Having them around while Yoongi’s inside of you is so much. Good, but a lot as Tae strokes down your spine.

“Did good alpha?” You ask Namjoon.

“Did so well, so so so well taking Yoongi’s first knot.” Now he'll understand how possessive we can get of you. Now he'll get it.

Yoongi ignores him, but around you, the air is thick with the scent of the pack's pleasure. Hoseok ruffles Yoongi's hair than yours, you nuzzle into his wrist. Tae's hands are hungry, and exploratory.

(They watched you through all of this but never once did you wonder if you were pretty, never once did you worry about how it looked, if it was enough. There is a simple love that's here. A simple love between all of you. Through your heat- you've never once been self-conscious. With Yoongi’s knot snug in your pussy, and everyone praising you, you can't find it in yourself to be nervous or worried or feel anything but bliss).

There are familiar hands everywhere- reaching down, feeling where you and Yoongi are connected. The wet slick glide of an omega properly seated on a knot. Tae’s lips pressed against your tit while her delicate fingers paw at your pussy, not a kiss, not a suck, but a pout.

You let her until Yoongi hums, overwhelmed, and then lean down to bite her. Popping back, licking your teeth, echoing a soft "sorry" when you've realized what you've done.

Yoongi shivers as Jin runs a hand up and down his stomach, knuckles brushing yours. Namjoon crowds in behind you. Pushing you both down into the nest. His pack alpha herding tendencies are at play but he’s a warm and reassuring presence behind you. They all settle in to cuddle you and keep both of you safe until Yoongi’s knot goes down long enough to make sure that you’ve been adequately bred. 

Everyone's sort of lying on top of each other. Namjoon behind you, Jin behind Yoongi, Hobi trying and sort of succeeding in squirming his way in between Jin and Yoongi. the pack are noisy. but you sort of love the noise.

"You're pinching my skin hyung." "Wait wait wait, this will be more comfortable." "Namjoon she needs room to like-breathe." "Ow my knee like- cannot stay in this position." "Jungkook!"

The older omega lets Hobi muscle his way in. Pressing a kiss and a nibble to the back of his neck in admonishment. Jungkook sprawls across all of your stomachs and Tae rings the top and Jimin the bottom, guarding you and Yoongi against the door. Classic alpha.

Tae runs her hands over your hair, scratching at your scalp with her long fingernail. You push into her touch like a cat. She does it to you, then Yoongi. Yoongi’s hands skim up and down your hips and he’s breathing heavy.

“Love you,” he says.

he closes his eyes first but you just watch him. A chorus of voices join but you lean down, pecking him over his eyelids. Covering his body with yours. He doesn’t need to worry about anything.

Yoongi wraps his arms around you. Mumbling something into your ear quiet enough that the rest of the pack doesn’t hear. But let it remain a mystery. Let it remain for just you and him.

You rest and cuddle. And Yoongi keeps twitching inside of you. Every time you think that he’s done and that his cock can’t possibly give you anymore he starts to twitch again. Cuming just a little bit more.

It almost feels like Namjoon, who cum's a proportional amount to the size of his cock. Yoongi never normally cums this much, but you can't say you're complaining. One hand resting protectively over your tummy.

You hear Jin's familiar 'tsk' and fingers are at your hole. They guide a bit of spend back up into it. But your eyes are already closed.

You were already tired before and your heat still rages. It's not fire anymore. Something in you satiated. It's not a raging inferno but the kind of warmth that glows from coals, that sizzles on the edge of your skin, like deep-seated honeying of suns and far away stars teeming with wishes and life-giving warmth.

Yoongi decides that he wouldn’t mind doing this, just when you go into heat. He’ll get tests done later; Namjoon will drag him to the hospital after this week to take his blood and measure his hormones.

Dr.Pearl and another beta specialist will come to the conclusion that it’s both your mating mark and your slick that caused a momentarily biological shift that’s temporary at best and a one-off probably (it won’t be a one-off, Yoongi will grow a knot through every one of your heats after this). They’ll prescribe Yoongi less of your slick and a bit of distance from your scent during your pre-heat (both professional opinions that Yoongi will opt to ignore because seriously what the fuck?)

For now, you settle down atop him, keeping his knot safe inside, and go to sleep. Not before feeling each one of your packmates press a kiss to the place between your shoulder blades. Surprisingly sensitive, surprisingly ticklish. You feel it all. The brush of Hobi’s nose, the skim of Tae’s long hair. The plush feeling of Jimin's lips more like petals than skin. The brush of Jin and Namjoon’s stubble. The nibble of Jungkook's teeth.

Yoongi’s lips remain planted to your forehead, he sleeps that way through the rest of the afternoon. The little huffs of his breath tickle your baby hairs, and you can’t say that you mind.

Being the lowest member in the pack’s hierarchy means different things for each pack. Especially with two older omega’s in heat, and you below them in the hierarchy.

As the days drag on, you feel like a bit of a chew toy (not that you’re complaining).

As the lowest packmate in the hierarchy, you bear the brunt of it when their instincts shift from hungry to nesty. The breeding’s mostly done (mostly, but not quite) now is time for nesting, for preparing. It takes time for seed to take. That time that you spend cuddled close. Safe between Jin and Jungkook. Walled in on either side, safely tucked between their chests. Both of their heartbeats beat through either ear.

At least until you wake up.

You omega’s are a conspiratory little bunch. The nest is deep and colorful with many spots to hide. You do not try to hide from Jinnie or Jungkook, there is no need to. the alpha’s are who you hide from, peaking over the edge of an inner nest, the walls built up a bit like an igloo. The three of you playing a pretend game of hide and seek.

Hiding from them and the pleasure that they give you. Because they want to get in the way of all your fun.

It’s not getting in the way of the fun so much as it’s partaking in it, sticking their knots where you need them- but where is the fun in simply fucking? Foreplay is where all the fun happens anyway. Bouncing on a knot can get so boring.

Unless it’s Yoongi’s knot of course. You don’t think you’ll ever get tired of that. His refractory period is a lot longer than the other alphas, even Namjoon who tends to knot for a good 30 minutes. You’ve had him 4? Maybe 5 times since the first? And now he slumbers, hips ringed with hickeys, cock lying limp and pretty pink against his stomach, utterly spent.

You’d ridden Yoongi until he was trembling, until his breath came out as gasps and not growls. Until his knot couldn’t even pop anymore and Namjoon had quite literally scruffed you to get you off of him. Too sensitive for anymore. Twitching duly when you’d popped off for the final time, a glob of cum leaking down your hole to your other one.

And yet, you could tell by the smell of him that Yoongi was drowning in ecstasy, nothing about his scent in pain or discomfort. You did a good job. Your pack had told you, you did.

But still, your mate needs his rest, in the meantime, the omegas can play.

The morning is thick and heavy, sunlight slow moving like honey when the alpha’s start to wake to the sound of soft breathy moans. the alpha's don’t immediately register that none of them are awake and that it’s purely omegan whines and whimpers that coat the air in the sound and smell of sweet pleasure.

Honey, cake, and cream.

Jungkook giggles softly, looking down and you can’t help but smile too- dopey. Fucked out. Fucked dumb. They’re not exactly surprised that you’ve gone non-verbal. Babbling only for Tae and Yoongi when they seriously prod you for a question.

This is just another spike of your heat only… you didn’t bother to wake your alpha’s up for it. You don’t really need your alpha’s knot when Koo is so soft and when Jinnie is- honestly very big for an omega, perfect enough for a bit of comfort in your hole.

But putting the pack omega’s cock all up inside you would not be good. You want to be good for Jungkook, your nestmate who has bitten you so thoroughly your skin aches from his teeth. From your chest to your shoulders and neck. To your hips and backside. Everywhere he’s bitten you up. So that anyone who sees you will know.

The three of you giggle and rub. What started as cuddling and a bit of grinding has become something different.

You and Jungkook hover above Jin lying down, Jungkook teased him a little bit ago for his grandpa's behavior, for not wanting to move and being too cozy. His omega cock stands hard and proud. Not terribly big, but not as small as Jungkook either. You and Jungkook seem not to notice the difference.

You and Jungkook sit perched above Seokjin, the pack omega’s hands roaming without care. His face is pink and his eyes are half closed, sleepy, and happy to let you and Jungkook take what you need.

At least Jin’s heat is near ending. Your and Jungkook’s roar in the meantime. You grind into each other, tummy to tummy, Jin below the two of you left to lazily rock up into the drippy sweet cleft between your pussy and Jungkook’s cock. It’s all very slick as you move against each other. Rubbing and grinding and giggling.

Hoseok blinks awake in the nest, picking himself up with a jerk.

A combination of your slick soaks Jin’s lap, and turns the grind sudsy, almost soapy as he slides up through your pussy kissing Jungkook’s cock. Omega’s do love to scent and rub and grind; you’re doing some mixture of the two. Not scissoring, but it would be scissoring if Jungkook had a pussy instead of the little nub he calls his cock. Jungkook reaches down, tapping his cock against your clit. You purr and squeak at it.

You’re… a bit of a mess, after having been fucked by every available alpha and Yoongi so hard like that earlier- your hole is a bit of a wreck, you're leaking slick and globs of alpha cum that Jin and Jungkook are only too possessive over. Pink when Jungkook reaches down to part your pussy with his hands and sees your wrecked entrance. He's too happy to smear it all over.

You can hardly blame Koo for his fascination, dragging his own little cock and forth between the mess. Putting his cock in (not that you can even close around it, small as Jungkook is) just to feel the heat of your body and what the alpha’s did to you.

It’s a good thing that most of Jungkook’s knot collection is locked safely away in the closet. Otherwise he might be tempted to see if you can take the largest one. The one that’s larger even than Namjoon that Jungkook's only managed to take on occasion when the pack feels like devoting multiple days into opening him up. The one that often leads to multiple days of aftercare because it actually is a little medically questionable for Jungkook to take.

Jungkook might have a bit of a thing for it; a size kink. thats never more apparent than when you're close. when he puts his hands around your waist and his hands almost meet. Watching you take things that look too big, that fuck you dumb like this is jungkook's favorite.

Now that the alphas aren’t making him feel so…so omegan, so fucked out. He’s sorry he missed most of it. He wants to see it again, wants to watch you get fucked open on namjoon's cock.

Jimin lifts his head from the nest, doing a double take and cursing when he realizes that it's not a wet dream just- just real. Namjoon rubs a hand across his jaw, sitting up on his knees in the half-darkness. Clearly he's been awake for a while. His hand goes ridged on Namjoon’s wrist but the pack alpha doesn't look down at him- he doesn't tear his eyes away from you three.

Namjoon’s cock presses up between his boxers, put on for modesty- and because normally omega’s in heat can’t be trusted not to get a little handsy. Hard, insistent. Now, Namjoon wishes that you'd get a little handsy. That would be better than just watching.

“You didn’t?…” he asks, trailing off. Namjoon swallows hard shaking his head. Namjoon already has his hand hooked into Hobi's collar, keeping him in place. Keeping him from interfering. Hobi lets out a lupine whimper. More a puppy than a man.

“Jin asked me not to intervene.”

The pack alpha’s restraint is legendary, especially when Jin giggles at the way you’re bouncing or trying to bounce on Jungkook’s cock. The pack omega tuts, and slips in besides Jungkook, half pushing him out of the way. Jimin starts, but there’s no reason to.

After fucking Namjoon there is more than enough room in your pussy.

The sight of you and Jungkook rubbing your used holes together is something that should honestly be recorded for the communal pack spank bank. The three of you pink-cheeked and healthy, and-

Knocked up. The three of you look like you’ve just been knocked up even though they know you haven't. Your skin glows healthy, your bodies supple and fed. Relaxed and loopy, showing the signs of the care the pack have lavished you with.

Jinnie's glowing too- skin smooth and blemishless, lips puffy and glossy from being kissed so much (as they should be). Although his glow is softer and less harsh. Jin’s heat is already ending, just another ten or so hours now. The fever quiets to a soft hush, a gentle need instead of a rabid one.

Was it the pack omega that dragged you and Jungkook to get off on top of him? It won’t be long now. Namjoon can tell you’re both close to cumming from the way you're shaking and the way Jungkook's breathing.

The slick glossy look of your thighs, your hiccups, the sight of Jin’s cock pressing between your slick folds, peaking out, rubbing against your clit, and the head of Jungkook’s little cock. The pack omega’s hands are hungry twitching as jin cranes back and inarticulately tucks his hands into both your holes. stroking both of them. Jin’s cheeks look round, pouting as he concentrates.

“Want pups, my pups, gimme,” you and Jungkook giggle, pressing sloppy kisses to each other’s mouths, Jinnie’s too- although the pack omega does little but pout and rock into the warmth. Into the wet.

The alpha’s watch and it’s torturous to keep themselves back. But they're good alpha's. When your and Jungkook's rocking reaches a fever's pitch and then quiets. Trembling and overwhelmed. Clinging to each other, threatening to topple.

When you’re finished there is more than one available knot, hard and aching, ready to sit on.

~-~

That’s not the last time that Jungkook seeks you out during his heat. far from it.

You’re not surprised that both his and yours have lasted longer than Jin’s (probably by a day or so). Your and his hormones spike and feed off each other, your heat spikes syncing until your packmates have to handle both of you at once. Your hand remains knotted with his, whining every time one of your alphas tries to cajole you gently away from him. Unwilling to be parted from him during knotting for comfort.

The lulls between Jin’s heat spikes get longer and longer while yours and Jungkook’s remain the same. Jungkook’s even speed up a little if anything.  

Jungkook loves going into heat with you- he really does, it feels like he’s always reaching, always craning his neck to watch you. The tender nape of his neck is bruised from the number of times that the alphas have had to scruff him docile. All of him feels Bitten and nibbled at every available opportunity.

Really, Jungkook's sort of in heaven.

The alphas never throw him around the same way they do when he's in heat. They don’t treat him like he’s delicate, like he’s precious, especially with you around to dote on and fuss with. You take the brunt of Jin’s protective instinct too.

Jungkook can be as bratty as he wants, bite whichever alpha he wants, and chirp as long as he needs to. Outside of heat they rarely ever hold him down and make him take it. They always hold back. Only in heat at his most vulnerable do the alphas really stop treating him like he's fragile.

He likes pushing their buttons and making them bite. Now, Jungkook does it because he can't stand it.

Cute aggression? It must be cute aggression.

He wants to squeeze and nibble and wreck you, Watching as jimin tucks his face into your neck as his knot twitches, your entrances stretched tight around it and your legs wide open so that Yoongi can gift tortuously small touches to your clit, all but torturing it as you seem to squirt and squirt and squirt.

So much until you’re dripping around the hollow of his wrist. Your petal pink lips parted, ready for a nibble. He'd barely satiated his desire to mark you up earlier. The haze of hormones is thicker than smoke in the air, turning his brain mushy as he listens to Yoongi beg.

“One more, just one more for me. You made me cum until I couldn’t anymore so now it’s your turn.”

You sob, but thats not a no. Your knees get brought up. Cute, plush, like a fucking stuffed animal. Jungkook once again, gets the inexplicable urge to squeeze you.

The alpha's have you both pressed chest to chest. Underneath you, Jimin continues to drive his cock in smooth efficient bunches, a knot already popped inside. You'd asked him to be mean with it and sob you do. Begging and pleading for more more more at the same time you say you can't take another orgasam.

Jungkook remains above you on his hands and knees. Namjoon lies along Jungkook's spine. Punching a groan from Jungkook’s chest with every impossibly long and thick drag of his cock. Making the omega feel all of it.

A fresh wave of your slick squirts against jungkook's chest and Jungkook's arms buckle. He sort of falls half on top of you. Yoongi hums and puts Jungkook back on his hands and knees so that he can keep touching your pussy. Jungkook rests his body against Yoongi's arm to keep himself up. Mouth open.

Jungkook thinks he might imagine it. He must, because he can feel Namjoon’s cock pressing against his tummy, feel it as the bulge kisses your skin the give of your belly button.

Your giggle feels like a punch to his gut. As your hand slides up his slick stomach to palm at the belly bulge, touch him the same way he touched Namjoon's cock through you. He loves it. He presses his forehead against yours, your eyes just as dilated and as gone as his. Rubbing his face against yours in a half kiss- half scent mark.

There's a lot of squirting, mostly from you. Jungkook likes watching you squirt. It's so pretty.

Jimin yanks his knot out of your hole, a move that he wouldn’t be able to pull if you hadn’t been knotted by Namjoon recently. Perhaps inspired by watching you knotfuck Yoongi. Pulling at you so hard that it honestly to god looks like it hurts, it looks mean. It makes you squirt violently again against Jungkook's straining abdominal muscles.

Jungkook bites your cheek. Hmm, squishy.

He bites the other side, and it blooms under his teeth.

You tremble and almost seem to pass out of a second. And then- really do pass out once Namjoon pulls back, reaches around Jungkook, and says something to Yoongi, who pulls his fingers away from your clit, you jerk trying to chase the pleasure. Only to run headlong into Namjoon’s hand, landing hard over your clit.

You gush through Namjoon’s fingers, soaking the place where he and Jungkook join. At the same moment Namjoon shoves his slick-coated knot into Jungkook’s hole.  

Your head lols back against Jimin's shoulder and you let out a single broken whimper. they're pushing you to your breaking point. (But you have a gut feeling that once you break and they put back together, you'll finally feel whole).

Across the nest, Jin perks up a little horrified. He's being fussed over by Tae and Hobi, happily doted upon while Hobi's knot rests safe inside. knot warming. Comforting Jin through the end of his heat. Hobi turns and Tae starts to get up to intervene but then- 

Jungkook giggles at your sobs, lapping at your tears. Clenching wildly and grinding back against Namjoon’s knot, the pack alpha moves him so that Jungkook can press his lips to your slack mouth.

You blink, dazed, look up at him.

“Meanie Joonie” Jungkook giggles, the omegaspace haze so thick he can hardly string a coherent sentence together. “Meanie Minnie! Meanie Yoonie! Again! Wanna see!” Jungkook moves, trying to get his hand in between your legs to spank your clit again, but his swats don’t do anything, too gentle.

Jungkook is literally getting the daylights fucked out of him right now, he hardly has the energy to lift his own head, let alone spank your pussy the way he wants.

oh, after this heat, after this, he's going to have so much fun figuring out how much you can take.

Yoongi's teeth look incredibly sharp, a little feral at being asked. But Jimin nods and fuckes his knot out of you and Yoongi spanks your clit again. You've never squirted so many times in a row but you leak like a faucet now.

The next flood of your slick lands on Jungkook’s cock. Jutting against your stomach with the force of Namjoon’s thrusts. He giggles again. Shifting closer away from Namjoon- hissing at the tension around his knot. So that Jungkook can press your slick stained and swollen tummies together better.

When he cums too seconds later, from another brutal press of Namjoon’s knot to his prostate and a mean pinch to the head of his cock- he giggles and uses his hand to spread his spend over your stomach.

You’re already lost to exhaustion. But Jungkook pecks your nose, tucks his face under your throat, and goes right to sleep. 

When Jungkook wakes, he's still like that. He's not being filled, and things are calmer.

The freshly fallen night is a hush on the edge of the nest, There is a different need coursing through him. A different sort of wanting. A physical hunger. His body is exhausted, sore, and bitten.

Your chest smells like Tae's lipstick, like her kisses. Jungkook’s pretty pretty pretty alpha, the prettiest alpha that is on the other side of the nest, talking with Jin and sharing soft kisses. She must have come over earlier to check on you, must have kissed you here.

Jungkook is dimly aware of her soft words, “Do you want a knot Jinnie? Some food? Some water? A cloth? How are you feeling? Does anywhere ache my love?”

Jin's answering hum is exhausted but happy. After a second he quietly admits, “My thighs hurt.”

Yoongi is summoned, Hobi too. To squeeze and help relax the pack omega. The sound of his squeaky laugh and shy moan a welcome return.  

Jungkook dozes while you and Jinnie rest, his body over your body, lined up chest to chest, nuzzling first at your throat and then lower when Jungkook's instincts tug at him. The pack is not as worried about him being snappy. They've long since decided that whatever happened at the beginning of the heat was just that- an anomaly at the beginning. Both of your instincts settling.

But now, Jungkook crouches over you like an alpha might. Protective.

Possessive.

There is something syrupy sweet in the air, just below your skin. Jungkook couldn’t smell it until he started nosing at your throat, but now he can. Something laces through your veins, something that smells divine, something that he can almost taste, like sugar only sweeter.

He begins to move lower.

Your breasts smell like Tae, like alpha, they’ve been given so much attention, teeth marks and bruises line your areolas, Tae has sucked your nipples pink and sensitive and stiff puffy already. Imprints of Jungkook’s pretty alpha and her pretty teeth stay there like a shadow, a bruise. There is a word you call her, 'mommy.' He likes it when you call her that. It has Jungkook’s pretty alpha smelling muskier and impossibly prettier.

Jungkook’s mouth is perilously empty, it's starting to bother him. Jungkook lips his lips. Dry.

Her voice comes distant now, your hands push at Jungkook’s shoulders when he noses, but only briefly before Jungkook’s pretty alpha tuts, holding you still and keeping you from squirming as he noses, pushing through your sweet skin, searching for something. Girl omega’s are so soft. So soft everywhere.

Jungkook loves it. Is this Omegaspace? Or pupspace? Or some combination of the two.

Something starts squirming underneath him, a chest rising and falling, a heartbeat beating rabbit prey fast. But the squirming stops as quickly as it begins. Jungkook's pretty alpha looms closer, coming to see what you're fussing for and cooing at your quiet squeaks and chirps.

Tae's wrist is close, close to Jungkook's teeth as she grabs your wrist and holds you steady. Restraining you gently. “Let Jungkook have at you pup, he’s been a very good omega, don’t you want to help soothe him?”

Of course, Tae does not notice that Jungkook's going after something new, and does not notice that this isn't normal soothing. Sucking at your chest is her favorite thing. She doesn't think anything strange of Jungkook's hungry licking and desperate sucking.

There is some sweet whining on the edge of Jungkook’s senses. Independent of the sweetness beneath his nose, the warmth reaches his lips and he opens his mouth to suck. His breath going ragged.

Closer, closer still, warm and soft against his face, like a nest made flesh, like Jungkook’s nest in one person.

Jungkook sucks at your chest, lips pressing once they find the source of it- of that smell. Your nipple on the roof of his mouth is exactly what he'd been missing. Comforting. You are so soft, so soothing. He likes it. There is no fire from heat with you here at his front and yet, Jungkook still burns. The sweet smell under your skin is closer this way. Jungkook needs it, needs you like water. Clinging.

His taste buds spark with something, just a little at first then more the more that he sucks. Jungkook makes a soft sound and Tae just shushes him. Alpha, he wants to speak, alpha found it! His squishy Omegaspace brain wants to tell Tae. The urge to show and tell is quickly overridden by the need for more.

It's so sweet. So fatty that Jungkook's head spins. Mouth filling with liquid that tastes like you, but a bit like Jinnie too.

You taste Milky.  

Jungkook's eyebrows come together and Tae teases, her fingers running against his cheek slowly filling. throat bobbing Her voice sounds like it does when she's grinning. Tae can be forgiven for not immediately realizing what’s happening because Jungkook is swallowing it down before any of it has a chance to make it to open air, gasping and sucking wildly. Hungry.

"Oh, tasting something good bunny?" Jungkook's sure she must be smiling even though his eyes are still closed. Still half asleep but waking up.

A little more, something hot and sweet fills his mouth, and Jungkook sucks it all down, more with every tight press of his lips. Your squirming stops and you sigh, going rim rod straight for a second and then relaxing.

You're staring up at Tae all dazed and cute, letting out sweet babbles of "mommy mommy-alpha mommy please." Your toes curling in the nest. But who knows what you're asking for.

tae reaches down and puts her fingers in your mouth, giving you something to suck at, quieting your desperate whimpers.

Jungkook doesn't like it, doesn't like her touching you. this milk is his- it belongs to him. The milk sweet and fatty fills his mouth, slowly at first, then more. You stop squirming below him, sighing in relief body going slack. Jungkook's arms go firm around your waist, holding you still, holding you close.

It's good, yummy even. Jungkook sucks more and more and more without really understanding. His heat-fried brain not sorting through the facts of the situation.

"Does Jungkook feel good little pup? Is he making you feel all tingly?" Tae teases, softly now, like she's conscious of the idea of waking everyone else up. She leans down crouching over to nip at your throat. Settling you. But there's nothing to settle, your head lol's to the side, staring blankly ahead. Whimpering. drooling around tae's fingers, she takes them out and slips them down your throat. stroking gently.

"Hopefully he doesn't bite you too sensitive because it's my turn once he's done, gonna squirm and cry for me gonna-" Tae breaks off, inhaling jagged.

Jungkook's tongue rolls against your nipple, keeping a small dribble from slipping down your body. Lips parted in ecstasy, a single drop drips from his tongue onto your skin, just a little.

But it's enough.

There is something pearly, dribbled down around your sternum. Almost translucent, but still white and cloudy.

Tae blinks like she can't really believe it.

Then she growls, loud, shocked. violent enough to wake the others. Whereas before she'd been stroking through Jungkook's hair, now her hand goes vicelike and tries to pull him off. Jungkook whines and squirms, unwilling to be parted from you until Tae growls again in warning.

Namjoon picks up his head from the nest at the sound. Jin blinks awake against his throat and Yoongi shifts and shuffles awake. Rubbing his eyes with a closed fist when he sits up.

When Tae finally succeeds in pulling him off of you, he looks almost hurt, pouting up at her. Tae's gaze eviscerates him. Their eyes narrow at the spill of it, the glimmer of milk on his lips. A bit of milk dribbles down Jungkook's cheek. Traveling down his collar bones to his pectorals and abs, gathering in his belly button, in the little furrow of skin between his lap and tummy.

Tae's finger gathers it on her fingertip and guides it back up to Jungkook's mouth, a breathless growl. Incredulous, near worshiping.

"Messy puppy."

How many more biological surprises could the pack possibly have in store for them? They're a little too tired to be particularly alarmed, and yet, they drag their bodies over. To make sure, to see.

To taste.

Hoseok hangs his head, his whine supine. "Jesus fucking Christ, you-" Namjoon looks away then looks back again. Like he can't quite bring himself to watch and can't quite tear his gaze away.

“I’ve only just gotten used to the idea of Yoongi knotting and now-"

Jin wordlessly rubs a hand over his face, Jimin doesn't say anything, trying to muscle Yoongi out of the way, looking down at you with something indescribable, at Jimin's movement, Namjoon's hands go to your elbow, your wrist, and Jin snaps.

"No, everyone behave. She is not a chew toy."

Everyone goes quiet, admonished. Tae continues to hold you, still looking down, and Jin realizes that if he's not careful, everyone is going to snap. Tae is going to snap. He can see it in the tremble of her body, the curl of her teeth over her lip, her control is seconds from snapping. Her scent spikes climbing higher and higher, almost smelling like she's in rut.

but you're his pup. jin bends under the force of his instincts, checking on your first. Jin leans over you, brushing the hair out of your eyes, and revealing your glassy fuzzy gaze.

"Daddy?" you ask, confused. Jin hasn't heard that name in a little while, not that he's complaining.

"Sweet little puppy, my sweet little pup, are you alright, is it too much?"

Your hand's press and release in the nest. "No just- just hurts- aches, Koo.” Your eyelashes flutter, “Koo makes it better.”

Jungkook is a possessive little thing, hisses and splutters and clings to your front. even as yoongi and namjoon try to get him off of you You squirm looking up at Tae and Yoongi and Jin, the haze cuts for a moment and they recognize your franticness as more than just overstimulation.

"Do you want us to get Jungkook off of you?" Yoongi asks, voice husky. Namjoon holds Jungkook prepared to wrench him off of you if you say so. Jungkook isn't in his right mind, but Yoongi can't help but watch as he sucks like a man starved, throat bobbing with every swallow. His cheeks warm and round-looking. Oh, oh this is-

Yoongi is getting hard. The skin around his new knot tugging. He really really thought that after this morning when you rode him like your life depended on it- that would have been that.

You nod then shake your head. "Want Mommy to choose- want Tae-tae."

Namjoon uses the hand in Jungkook’s hair to pick him up off of you for a second. Jin has to pinch the back of his neck to get his teeth to release. Your nipple is pink and bitten when his mouth finally leaves you.

They watch for a second, but it barely takes a moment before the milk is back, dribbling out, trailing down the curve of your breast. Jungkook is still half asleep. Shifting downward happily when he realizes the pack don’t mind it if he licks up whats spilled. Bending down to lap up what’s trailed down to your tummy and navel.

Tae's nostrils flare and her eyes are all pupil, dark and brown, and glassy. Yoongi jogs her out of her reverie.

"Tae." he asks, an edge of dominance to his voice that wouldn't have sounded the same yesterday, not before Yoongi had a knot. Yoongi shakes his head, wordlessly. And he sees Tae return to herself, just a little.

You squirm under Jungkook. Upset, lower lip wobbling. "No, I want, want Koo- it- it aches-" Tears bead at the edge of your eyes and Yoongi is not thinking, not truly, when he reaches down to feel.

You whine as Yoongi toys with your chest, fingers rubbing gently over your wet peaks, rolling them until more milk beads. Mesmerized. Slowly at first and then more aggressively, tugging at them until your back arches.

"Tae," Namjoon's voice is stressed, Jimin shuffles up beside her, offering a comforting touch on her shoulder. "Tae" Namjoon repeats, a bit more command in his voice, her gaze jerks up in his direction.

"Yes"

"Can you handle this without going into rut?"

"Yes alpha." Namjoon watches her for a second longer. Judging the haze in her eyes, and then tips his head down. Permission. But Namjoon is nearby, Namjoon is watchful and wont let any of them go too far.

It’s gentle- how the alphas manhandle you, placing you square in Namjoon's lap, reclining there for your mommy to have her turn. He can hold your wrists this way, you want to squirm, need to squirm. The ache is overwhelming. You just want to full feeling to end. Jungkook was so close to making it go away.

“Be still little treasure, sweet sweet pup, let Taetae have what’s hers.”

Jungkook tries to go back. But Tae doesn't let him, muscling him out of the way until she growls and nips. Speaking with snarls and whines and not with words. But Jungkook is but a pup beneath Tae's play wrestling. She's always been stronger than him and after a brief scuffle of push and pull, he whines. Resting his head on your shoulder.

Tae can hardly think through it. Her pup, her sweet little pup, chest swelling from her attention. Was it her sucking that did this? Was it her sucking that tugged your biological impulse until it shifted into real change?

You are so perfect she could cry, she could knot the air with how horny it makes her.

Tae looks at your face, your tears spill down your cheeks and your voice cracks, "Mommy?” you think if Tae checks, if she makes sure that you’re okay, everything will be fine.

Tae lowers herself gently over you, hair tickling your skin, and connects her mouth to your chest.

Tae is immediately gone, milk filling her mouth that tastes like ambrosia, like the heavens made liquid, like home. she grinds her popped knot against the nest as she sucks and sucks and sucks. immune to your squealing. Hand reaching down to paw uncaring of your overstimulation. You're as wet between your legs as you are on your chest. Her brain is a mess of more and more and more.

For a second, Tae's alpha convinces her that she's actually done it, she's actually pupped you. Why else would you be sweetening so much? Why else would you be like this, sweet and swollen on her tongue.

You're getting slick all over the nest again, Tae can feel slick gathering around her wrist, fingers losing their concentration, so focused on getting more milk in her mouth, sucking that she forgets to finger you properly. Your chest is so sensitive you feel like you could scream. Every suck makes you sob in overstimulation.

Above you, Yoongi curses.

Each packmate must have their turn with you, once they all rouse and confusion quickly melts away into downright giddiness. It's dizzying, your eyes are closed half the time, and the other half you're not sure you can make sense of what's infront of you either.

Brain settling into that place where everything feels good, where nothing matters but the pleasure and the soft praises falling from their mouths. Namjoon muscles Tae out of the way for a taste after she's turned slack-jawed and milk-drunk. And his spiky head pressed against your skin makes you feel- makes you-

Obey obey obey. You lose track of what’s happening, but your pack does give you what you want, what your body needs. You don’t have to squirm too much before someone, one of your alpha’s or is it Yoongi? Shuffling between your legs to bury his head in your chest.

Having them feed from you is a flurry of sensations. They bury their faces in your chest, hair tickles skin, stubble pressing. Someone giggles, Tae maybe. She presses a kiss to your button mouth. Eyes furrowed as you cry and cry and cry.

You don’t understand why you’re crying, why you’re overwhelmed. But you don’t need to think too hard about it or anything. Any needs that you do have are taken care of.

The pack always know what you need, that you need to feel steady, held and kept. the second you start to push. They restrain you.

Why would you even need a breeding bench when you have your packmates to keep you still? There are hands holding you down everywhere, your wrists, your ankles. Your knees. You push against their touch just to feel them put you in your place.

And as much as you struggle to admit it, you do feel better, and less tense. Less full. Less like a rubber band poised to snap when they pull back.

You cum like that, fingers in your pussy, mouth around your nipple. You don't know how much you have or how much milk they're taking from you but it's enough to leave the alpha's milk drunk and dopey. Even Jinnie is a little dazed from it when he has his turn.

It shouldn't surprise you that Yoongi is the gentlest, pushing Namjoon away after you've come, kissing him, cursing low at the taste in his mouth.

"Really hyung, your mate, fuck-"

"Fuck." Yoongi agrees. Nosing at your chest before he latches, lips sucking your nipple into his tongue, waiting for that first spark. And oh- oh- drinking from you feels like cuddling. You could call him a sap and you'd be right but there's something so instinctual about it. He knots and you give milk. Round and round your instincts go on the merry-go-round until both of you get off.

Who knows maybe your body stopped and waited to make the shift until Yoongi's did.

You only really squirm when Jin guides Hoseok down. He's blushy and tries to pull back, But the pack omega doesn’t take his shyness for an answer without a no. All pups need to eat, all pups need to get their fill. Your milk smells so sweet, so filling. Lifeblood and love and satisfaction made sustenance. Your body wouldn’t be milking up so nicely if it wasn’t for your alpha’s. They should taste the result of their efforts.

Hoseok only lets himself take one mouthful, shivers rising up and down his body before he moves aside and lets Jimin have a taste.

Jimin- who almost immediately tries to bite and snarl. Nipping at your skin when tae jerks him away from you by his hair maw open. He's barely had a sit but that's enough for Jimin to turn feral. Immediately straining, immediately pulled in your direction. A dark purple bruise is already forming around your nipple. Too rough, Jin fusses, pulling a blanket over to you, building a nest around your body.

"No Jiminie- bad!"

Namjoon takes Jimin from Tae. The alpha snarls and splutters but whines when Namjoon snaps at his throat.

You are not lucid, not really. Eyes closed and reaching for your packmates. Someone touches you, hands frantically checking your body- but you want to tell them that Jiminie really- he just got a little teethie. It's okay. You're fine!

Tae bends to kiss it better. They guard you while the sound of snarls sound from the other side of the nest. Namjoon dealing with Jimin. They guard you. Their sweet milky pup, who could possibly be more precious?

After Yoongi has another turn, you decide dimly that it's a good thing, your body moving the edge of its tolerance and doing this. Lactating. Swelling with milk. Maybe it's because it's been so long since you've gone into heat.

After a few minutes, the bellies of your pack are warm nourished, and full. It’s okay, you can sit here like this, open and still for each of them to take a taste. Sucking your nipples pink and puffy.

“Is it permanent?” Jungkook slurs when he’s woken up a bit, yawning until his jaw pops, milk-drunk and sleepy. Nuzzling into your shoulder while Jimin gives you so much attention that you’re squirming (this time wearing Namjoon’s collar since someone needed to hold onto him and keep him from biting).

His ass glows where he sprawls and every time he so much as threatens to growl Namjoon leans over and pinches his sore behind. A warning that everything, all that sweet sweet milk in his tummy. Belongs to Alpha. Jimin can only have it if he's good.

“Is it gonna be like this all the time?"

There is a computer-cracking light on the edge of the nest, a square of light that Namjoon clicks through. Licking his lips again, although your milk no longer coats them. He brought it out earlier when Jin had questions about Yoongi, but now he’s glad to have close access to it.

“It’s fairly common with female omega’s, something about the extra glands and phantom pregnancies.” Namjoon’s voice has gone from hoarse to strong. Your milk on his throat.

Namjoon looks at you, then blushes and looks away.

You don’t know if you’ve ever made Namjoon blush like that. You still lay prone, blinking up at Tae. Wordless. Your brain is small under the feeling of so much attention. A tension in you is released easily. 

Jin gets up from the nest, so quick that he goes dizzy, he’s wearing boxers now, boxers, and a big shirt. Jin too had tasted you. A few swallows. Good, it tasted so good. But your head lolls in the nest to the side, letting out little shallow breaths as Jimin sucks at your chest, your other breast still swollen looking.

Oh, Jin's little pup. You're being so good.

Jin’s instincts bear down on him. An impressive weight that makes him buckle. “I need to go cook something. If everyone's going to eat but her- that’s- I-” Jin huffs and makes to leave the nest in a huff. determined and not the least bit wobbly.

Hoseok trails after. Lips glossy from milk, too flushed to think straight, tripping on the edge of the nest and hitting the door on the way out. Embarrassed a little- but then again everyone is paying attention to you so it goes without teasing.

Huh, the pack omega is leaving the nest. Does that mean the heat is over?

No not quite, you and Jungkook still burn with fever. It's just Jin's heat that's ended. Who knows, maybe one sip of your milk had his body reacting, reassuring him that the work is done, at least one omega got pupped during this heat (you certainly did not get pupped, the contraceptive did its duty, but your confused body has Jin's confused as well).

Although you squirmed initially, the fact of the matter is that once everyone's had a sip, your nipple sucked hard and glossy- it’s a little hard not to need it. The release of pressure, the tension. Your body makes more the more they suck.

You try to enjoy breakfast once Jin's made it, feeling warm and sleepy, bites fed to your mouth. Chewing and swallowing obediently. But it’s hard, you’re so tired. Unable to hold yourself up no matter how much they try and get you to. Limp propped against Yoongi's chest, Namjoon's, your body so heavy and so tired and now sore the second someone stops sucking.

No sooner has Yoongi slipped one of Hoseok’s shirts over your head than has wetness started to gather at the front and an uncomfortable pressure began to build. They give up and take it off because Tae is eyeing you hungrily and really. Your whines of displeasure and teary eyes are too much for them to handle. Simultaneously denied and overstimulated.

Tae sets you back against Jimin’s chest, the alpha holding around your middle. She may have had one sip earlier but now that they’ve established that yes feeding from you is something you need she’s going to hog you.

She ducks low, kissing your nose, your lips, your chin before she buries her head where you’re softest.

“Mommy mommy please.” You whine as she teases, using just her lips to mouth there, waiting until milk beads, sensitive, slip down your skin to lap it all up.

“Oh little pup, don’t want to let any go to waste? We can’t have that. You’re so sweet like this. How good you are- how lucky we are. Alpha’s fucked you so good you can’t help but milk up huh? Wanted a pup so bad that your body caught on before a pup did huh? How cute. Aren’t we so lucky Minnie?”

“So lucky,” Jimin groans, holding around your middle, hands pressed to your stomach. Slipping lower as Tae sucks.

There is some hushed whispering, a rustle of bed sheets, you blink up at the ceiling, and then a vibration sounds, and you let out a broken, “oh.” as it starts.

You turn, look, and Yoongi grins, tears bead at the corner of your eyes, but it’s hard not to rock up into it. You remember- the alphas putting a collection of vibrators and knots and dildos on the edge of the nest, in case they needed them. But it's a good reward now, an easy orgasm that hits you warm.

Your body is hungry for pleasure, endlessly hungry for it in heat. Tae laps up the center of your chest while she switches from tit to tit, both milk and sweat. Feral as she does it, a look down at her says her eyes are dark, teeth sharp.

But she’s so careful, so gentle as she sucks. Yoongi turns the vibration up higher, and you jerk, or try to. Sandwich in on all sides. Surrounded by them, carried to the precipice of pleasure by the vibrator pressed to your clit, keeping you pinned there beneath the waves of pleasure. So much. Too much. Your body is so sensitive from the last three days of this. You can’t possibly handle it.

“Can’t cum again, can’t Mommy, too- too little. Too much.” You babble, but Tae tuts. Pulling off of you, a bead of milk on her pink lips.

“Good pups cum as many times as their Mommy wants them to, come on pup, make a mess all over Mommy’s dress for me."

You obey her with a broken whimper.

~-~

notes:

namjoon is so fucking horny when he's talking about yoongi's knot and i lowkey love it, how kinda like- obviously guided by hornyness he is.

also it is 1000% the mating mark that's making yoongi have a knot like- his biology is all fucked up because beta's aren't supposed to mate, the hormones in his body that keep him neutral are being kinda 'adjusted' by the m/c's slick and mark and hormones.

me 🤝 the m/c, wanting to bite yoongi's nose.

i really wanted the scene with yoongi and the m/c to kinda be like- a final opus and like super intense, how did i do?

i struggled with writing some of the dialogue in this initially- which is so /not/ how writing usually goes for me, usually the dialogue is very easy to me but i worry that i'm getting a bit repetitive with my kinks.

honestly why do i feel the need to make the smut poetic like??? is this only for me or is this a thing???? "Yoongi fucks the same way he talks, sweet but firm. he cums that way too. Warm and slow. You feel every syllable and every drop." like thats so pretty.

the m/c bites tae because she's making yoongi overwhelmed and that's the m/cs job 😠.

okay but the reason why i describe yoongi as breathing heavy is because i personally may have...stumbled uppon a audio of his breathes and him breathing heavy and fuck if that isn't hot.

part of yoongi's smutt scene was inspired by badoobee's 'real man' so yeah, i don't really really really like the message of her song, but it is sexy so 🤷‍♀️

yoongi with the life fucked out of him: 😵‍💫 mc: i did a good job 🥰 honestly though in my mind he has trouble being in the same room as her after she litterally rides him until he can't cum anymore.

honestly jk and her holding hands while they're both getting fucked is such a cute image like fuck i love them so much. i love this version of jungkook so much- i'll always be happy with his charecter in bily.

dang, i really did make jungkook's parts super super horny.

i feel like everyone who reads this should know it's completely possible to make yourself lactate just from nipple stimulation like- even if you're male. lowkey when am i going to write a normal non-abo total power exchange fic with cisswap taegi turning the m/c into their little milksub, and they decide (because the m/c's mommies know best) that they'll put her through a sucking schedule to see if they can make her chest turn milky as an experiment! only to offer her milk up to all their friends ie the rest of bts, bonus points if she starts leaking when they're at a normal friend gathering and it turns into everyone trying it.

Similarly to how yoongi always pops a knot after this, i think the m/c also lactates through every heat after this. and then one day in the distant future after one heat it just...doesn't stop. And the pack realize it's a sign that she actually /does/ want to be knocked up or at least her inner omega has decided she's ready to actually be bred.

is this self indulgent? yes. do i care? no.

even i have to admit that i'm a little bit tired of writing smutt at this point tbh...but luckily we have just one chapter after this with smutt! and it's mostly aftercare and a lovely little spanking scene <3