#and trying to come to an understand etc etc I like to talk about these types of things and I might not have all the answer but like

[starmaker-astral]

Ok we all need to sit and listen.

We need to see this scene (yes, this one) from another angle.

In case you hadn't thought about it, in the last fifteen, we can understand that Aziraphale and Crowley are being watched (by Metatron, most likely through the bookshop windows). Aziraphale knows that and tries to make Crowley understand.

Now, let's talk about how some of Aziraphale's actions/phrases just sound wrong, and not just the mouthing he does earlier, but specifically this moment :

This moment is important because so many people heavily misunderstood Aziraphale here.

It's not "Aziraphale" who speaks, it's "Aziraphale being observed and being forced to play a role" who speaks.

I thought the horribly articulated and obviously exaggerated "work with meee..." line was pretty obvious (it's the most notable one anyway), and the fake excitement doesn't fool anyone with his frantic movements, darting eyes, anxious body language etc... But far too many people are spitting on Az by saying that it was horrible to say that to Crowley and that he didn't really understand him so we need to rethink everything.

Here's what happened, a tangle of double messages :

🟣 Az playing a role because he is being watched

🟠 Az speaking honestly/by himself

"Crowley, Crowley come back to Heaven. Work with meeee... We can be together, angels ! Doing good ! .... I need you ! .... I don't think you understand what I'm offering you. (<both 🟣🟠)

By how Aziraphale acts, breathes and furtively looks elsewhere between his sentences, we notice that he is anxious, under pressure.

IT IS painful for Az to talk like that, to say those horrible things to Crowley and at the same time having to think FAST to know what to say, to do and try to make Crowley understand what is happening.

He tries to balance between what he wants/needs to say to Crowley and what he is forced to do, against his will. And he tries to make Crowley understand this by acting strangely. Because Crowley knows Aziraphale, he knows when something is wrong with him.

This scene is not (entirely) a miscommunication issue, they were not safe, and Az, at the moment of Crowley's declaration was terrified that Metatron could hear this (and who would understand they love eachother, which would be terrible), the need to act FAST and the pressure of being observed.

They had TWO CONVERSATIONS AT THE SAME TIME. (In the entire scene of the last fifteen, not only here, but it would be very long to decypher every line in 1 post)

Aziraphale tries to keep a facade (smiling, enthousiast) because of being watched by the Metatron, but this whole conversation is breaking him inside (worried, scared, lonely)

Here's what I understood here, with Crowley's part and how he came to understand that they, both of them, had to quickly play a role against Metatron:

- Come back to heaven... Work with meeee... (I don't mean it) We can be together, angels ! Doing good !.... I need you ! (Don't leave me alone)... I don't think you understand what I'm offering you (We are not safe to say what we want right now, please tell me you understood)

- I understand. (Ok I got it now) [Pause] And I understand a lot better than you do (confirmation he understood he has to find a way out of here for them both to be safe)

- Well. Then there is nothing more to say (Okay, we're on the same page now and we can follow up with something to definitely fool Metatron and work together in secret)

Rewatch the scene knowing that, it's something else entirely and Aziraphale's anxiety is crippling.

And it makes that scene even worse : it's rushed, messy and frustrating because it shouldn't have happened that way.

They weren't safe at that time, they couldn't act as they wanted.

Of course, the whole Nightingale part the "I forgive you/Don't bother" etc... is heartbreaking. But isn't that another role played? (The kiss was honest tho) Something to fool Metatron? To make him believe that Az no longer has any ties to Earth/Crowley and therefore will be obedient and not considered a threat in Heaven?

Crowley told Azirpahale that he understood, and from that moment, a "breakup" game is played. (I still believe that this is all rushed, that Crowley is deeply hurt by his rushed declaration, that couldn't be made normally, and the horrible separation they have to go through because they have no other choice. Separated by the system and how it works.)

They had to play two different roles during this crisis situation, and Crowley's declaration made things even messier and risky.

They are all alone now, on separate sides, for the first time. But they hadn't any other choice for them both to be safe.

We could also talk about Azirphale's "random" gestures and mouthing earlier, before warning Crowley about Metatron's offer, trying to make Crowley understand the problem.

Metatron's offer (disguised obligation, see the "give me coffee or give me death" coffee metaphore : Take the coffee (my offer) or it will be death for you and your demon

"Whats that lovely human expression ?" (He never says thing like that, he use those "human expression" words to fool the Metatron into believing that Az doesn't know humanity very well while he actually does) "Hold that thought !" (Please don't say that. We are in danger let me speak)

Aziraphale looking away (at the window, nervous)

Az cant focus on Crowley's speech because they know they are in danger and Metatron should hear that Crowley loves Az or it would be worse

But that's another subject to explore further for next time ✨️

[booksandberries]

So idk if you've ever read the light novels but the way you describe the influence of toxic masculinity on Sasaki and Hirano's relationship is LITERALLY CANON. They won't even acknowledge that they're 'friends', even in their own pov narration. They're just classmates, Nevermind that they spend considerable time together and feel really comfortable around each other. imo this is part of Sasaki's teen angst and Hirano is just the kind of guy to follow his lead. Sasaki is super guarded, and we know he has this Thing in his backstory about his capacity to hurt people, so the isolation makes sense in that regard. Also like, look at his friendship with Ogasawara? They're a bit mean to one another lol. Sasaki is so fascinating to me. I need to get in his head and figure out why he's so hard on himself.

As it turns out my current wip is just an excuse to have high school Kaguira and Miyano meet and I'm vibrating at how fun they are to write

I NEED TO READ THE NOVELLLLLSS. I've read the hirakagi one, but I was trying to be good and not buy the others right away (budgeting, should be focusing on these STUPID ESSAYS, etc. life is Crazy rn and I am always running away to fandom)

I've seen a few posts talking about Hirano and Sasaki's relationship re: all the extra detail we get in the novels, and it makes me insane. They're so. Like there's already the baseline, "gross who said we're friends" toxic masculinity thing, but like they're not even really doing that, they're just freaks about each other. Obsessed. Somebody said Sasaki is so weird about Hirano trying to Not be anything with him that it just makes them more of a Thing, makes him an even bigger influence in his life.

Like, Ogasawara is a guy Sasaki can be relatively comfortable with. 'Cause there IS comfort in the friends you can be kind of mean to, even if you never like talk about your feelings with them. Ogasawara doesn't Get Sasaki in like a really deep way, I think, because Ogasawara isn't the kind of guy to like psychologically analyze his relationships or other people. But he DOES Get Sasaki. He knows Sasaki is tired, knows he likes music (they both do! I 100% headcanon that Sasaki critiques Ogasawara's guitar playing, which is helpful feedback because Ogasawara doesn't care that Sasaki speaks kind of rough and rude). Also Sasaki knew about Yokota and Ogasawara's feelings for each other, just like Ogasawara immediately recognize Sasaki and Miyano's feelings for each other! He's not dumb, even if he is a bit thick. (Like, EVERYONE saw Sasaki and Miyano coming a mile away, but like Tashiro mentions SASAKI'S actions, how he's always been super affectionate with Miyano as if they were dating long before they were. But Ogasawara talks to MIYANO with the assumption that he has feelings for Sasaki (even if he uses BL as a framework lmao) long before Miyano thinks anything at all is going on with Sasaki, nevermind his own feelings that took almost a year to sort out.) (thAT WAS A LONG ASIDE) anyway Ogasawara understands Sasaki pretty well!! They're friends! Just like Sasaki also knows exactly how things go with Ogasawara's fights with Yokota, they know each other from years of being friends.

But HIRANO. Hirano is New. And apparently catnip for gay people idk. Everybody is weird about Hirano and yknow what they're right because Hirano is a Weird Guy and I Love Him For This.

Like, obviously, we have the fact that he's acespec. He's not caught up in romance stuff, gives him more time for other things, like being Weird About His Roommate and studying so so much. Insane child who doesn't have a smartphone and reads only school books. What yakuza old man influenced you, Hirano.

Anyway, the like push and pull of Sasaki and Hirano, and a lot of the relationships in ssmyhrkg tbh, is so so interesting. 'Cause I feel like I've seen a lot of stories about like, the person willing to Break Past someone's barriers, the sunshiney person who keeps pushing the person with their guard up. And that's Not At All what we see here. They Give Each Other Space. They just. also don't move away. And tbh that feels way, way more realistic? But also people underestimate how unusual and how important it can be for people to just. Not Leave. To be weird and unusual, and especially for teenagers that feels like the end of the world, but then to have people who don't necessarily match your freak, nobody comes along and says I'm Just Like You, they just go. Okay, cool. And eat lunch with you anyway. Or they hear some of the Bullshit Lies you tell yourself because you're 15 and the world sucks and go What? That's Stupid. And you needed to hear that even if you didn't know it.

And that's Hirano to Sasaki. He's this weird guy who doesn't have history with him like Ogasawara, nothing much in common, except for where they do. They both dye their hair and have piercings. That oh so blatant evidence that Hirano is more than a studious guy on the disciplinary committee. Like, it's such a stark contrast right away!! Hirano immediately defies categorization. How can a guy who blatantly breaks the rules be on the disciplinary committee? And what's his reason? "Because it's cool as fuck!"

I have to imagine Sasaki dyed his hair and pierces his ear for more teen angst reasons. He's scrabbling for what little control he can get, or he's trying to get a response, any kind of response, from his parents who have that very hands off parenting approach. But here's a guy who's nominally doing the same things, but for completely different reasons. Sasaki is floundering in not know what to do, not caring because it's hard to care when you're so so lost, but Hirano Knows. Hirano knows who he is and what he wants to do. His dyed hair and piercings don't come from lack of confidence, but FROM confidence. Dying his hair doesn't mean he's not a good student, and fuck you he'll prove it if you don't believe him.

I think we can kind of forget what a big deal dyed hair and piercings are in Japan. They're totally normal in the USA, and, well, we've got THREE (actually four) primary characters who dye their hair. Japan is a country where some people are forced to dye their hair because it is naturally not black (there ARE Japanese people who don't have black hair naturally). It's a country where what hairstyles are even allowed is tightly controlled. Not everywhere, not at every school, there IS variation. A school like we see in ssmyhrkg is totally possible. But it's worth noting how UNUSUAL it is. Hanzawa dyes his own hair black in order to fit in better. To match the image of a Proper Student, a proper person. Nothing unusual here, carry on.

And Hirano acts differently, not because he's fighting against anything, but simply because he likes it. WHAT CRAZY CONFIDENCE FROM A 16 YEAR OLD!!

Hirano doesn't reach out to Sasaki in some kind of desperate "I'm like you, you're like me, we're Different and we have to stand together against the world" like that's such a common story. But what they have is just. shrugging noises. People don't really need a Reason to choose someone as a friend. Hirano certainly doesn't think about stuff that hard.

Also, while I love Sasaki's whole backstory with why he's scared of his own strength, I think his Being a Freak About Hirano stuff has more to do with like. All his other issues lmao. The apathy, the depression. Guy who doesn't even try vs guy who is actually so active. It keeps coming back to confidence for me, I LOVE characters who just. they just DON'T have self-esteem issues!! They aren't overly confident in the same way that like Hirano isn't involved with one million things the way Hanzawa is--actual confidence and comfort in his own skin VS desperation to prove oneself. Hanzawa Looks confident, but is Severely lacking--not in confidence over like his abilities, he knows he's capable, he's objectively top of the class, and being able to do things for/with people is like everything he's trying to do--but it comes from a place of anxiety, lack of confidence in his place in the world. Although, re:Sasaki's strength issues, there probably is a little something to the way, again, Hirano is so comfortable with his own strength! He knows he's strong, he's not afraid to start swinging at people, AND he's not worried that he'll genuinely hurt someone.

All of that confidence, that comfortable in his own skin and strength and place in the world, all without any arrogance 'cause Hirano isn't even really AWARE that he's like this, that it's anything to remark upon--kind of like his lack of romantic/sexual desire, Hirano is just Doing His Thing. It doesn't occur to him that he's anything special. Meanwhile, every queer guy in a ten mile radius is like god I wish that were me. This is what Sasaki, more than anyone else, sees in Hirano. In this guy who sits by him in class and talks to him and seeks him out and doesn't try to Save Him from his apathy but also doesn't ostracize him for it.

Stories usually go for the big stuff. The dramatic scenes, adding in more danger or tension or conflict to really highlight the relationships between people. Harusono-sensei doesn't do that. The conflict and movement in ssmyhrkg are so beautifully Ordinary. They are just guys, going to school. They're normal. They have friends, they fall in love, they study, they do clubs. They don't need to be glued to each other's side for every scene to be friends. They don't need to know each other's secrets to be friends, GOOD friends. To have real impact on each other's lives.

BUT ALSO. Like okay I haven't read the other novels, but like I said I have read the hirakagi novel, and that gets into the day Sasaki first met Miyano, when he stepped in to help Kuresawa. AND I'M INSANE ABOUT HIRANO'S ROLE IN THAT. Like in Sasaki to Miyano we got that brief scene of Hirano showing up after Sasaki has already gotten the beat down--which, already, yooo. What if the guy you were weird about found you on the ground bleeding. He arrived too late, but he Would have saved you and like you know he could have 'cause he actually knows how to fight, unlike you. But we don't have time for self-deprecation rn luckily because hey who was that cute guy--but in the hrkg novel HIRANO FOLLOWS UP. I LOOOOOOVE A CHARACTER WITH A SENSE OF JUSTICE THAT WON'T LET THEM SIT STILL!!! Not in an overt way, there's other stuff going on in life, but when injustice is presented RIGHT in front of them. This wasn't a couple guys duking it out to resolve something, this was just plain bullying, bullying that resulted in his friend (or whatever they are) getting beat up!! Hirano probably would have done the same thing even if it was just Kuresawa because he's Miyano's friend and Hirano is on the disciplinary committee okay and he takes things seriously!! Hirano doesn't seem to know how to not take things seriously, not in a Rigid Rules kind of way but in the way that he throws himself into whatever he does!! (Again, contrast Sasaki's apathy, god what must it be like to be able to just do things) Hirano hunted down the guys who bullied Kuresawa and Sasaki, he had to INTERVIEW WITNESSES to track them down, he DID THAT. And he didn't hesitate to take things to the teachers and get them suspended!!! idk how much Sasaki knows about that since Hirano didn't even decided to do all that until after he returned to the dorms and talked to Kagiura about what happened, but WAUGH. I would also wager that Hirano probably dragged Sasaki to the nurse's office to get patched up. Guy who's Weird and Won't Leave You Alone but also it's not about Sasaki specifically, except for how it's because Sasaki is like this that Hirano has these opportunities to Be Himself and he's! a caring guy! Not in a pushy way, but he'll take any opportunity! That Manliness:tm: of Hirano's means he gives people space, but he Wants to be allowed to provide, to spoil. And it's like. It's not that Hirano wants to Fix people, he doesn't relish in finding who's broken. He just. He's literally just so alive, so active, always doing things, and if he can do things that make people HAPPY. It's not about NEED, it's about I Get to Do This For You.

In my ssmyhrkg notes (as in the polycule ship), I have something about like. Okay in canon we never see Hirano's reaction to Sasaki's grades improving!! We know they do from a couple tiny extras and from Sasaki talking to Ugawa ("I think I sold my soul to a devil" lmao Hirano's a good teacher!!). Hirano has said he likes seeing his hard work rewarded in the way Kagiura responds to his spoiling, so. So. You Get It.

Also YOOOO FIC 👀 I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT, GOOD LUUUUUUCK KAGIURA AND MIYANO ARE SO FUN

[xxplastic-cubexx]

I love problematic charles every now and then but I'm VEEERRRRRYY picky with how thats presented bc most of the time it feels like its an "either or" situation where he cannot ever be a good person and make stupid decisions and have "evil" tendencies. Its the same case with erik too but hes more easily forgiven since he's an antagonist.

Also how they make Charles evil is what makes or breaks it bc i love "hypocritical when it comes to how and when you use your mind control/you really are a control freak even when you're 'noble' about it" charles but hate "creepy to your own student(s) and unrepentant about being a control freak and not even trying to hide it in your actions. You also love the government's boots for some unholy reason" charles. (The comics can be varying degrees of this and its why i have trust issues with marvel bc idk if im gonna get a good charles or a stupid one. Also sorry for raving in your inbox i hope you're having a good day)

my favorite flavor of Morally Dubious charles is 'has good intentions overall but for one reason or another acts amorally'... i think id like a master list of stories like that if such a thing even exists ... when it's just 'he did something bad that was so obviously bad and hard to justify/consider acceptable under any lens' its not as fun ... not just for the sake of I Like Him but cause i like it when his actions have some room to be like 'alright well i guess i see what you were going for'- doesnt mean it was a GOOD action but yk what i mean.....

Lowkey/Unaware-He's-A Control-Freak-But-Under-The-Guise-Of-Doing-Good charles is also very good.. charles' psychology in those instances is very intriguing to me .... i need to crack his brain open like a walnut ....

[that1notetaker]

Hijacking your post momentarily to talk once again about the way Near interacts with his toys/cards/etc tends to be a metaphor for what he's feeling or the way a case is being planned out.

(Because that's how he thinks. Personally, I think Near is a visual thinker. He needs to have something to metaphorically express what's going on in his head. It doesn't need to be with words, it just needs to translate)

Which makes me think...can we mention how fragile these towers are?

Card towers like these can only be properly maintained in closed spaces with little movement, no people...in isolation. But you make one wrong move and it all comes down.

That's what 'L' means here. That's who Near is trying to be, sustained in self-contained captivity. But Near isn't L, only a copy. He's been trying so hard to be L's shadow, but that's all it is...a copy. And he knows this. He forgets that technically, he IS L now. In title, at least.

Speaking of copies, how many L-towers you see here? A lot, a lot of towers that keep going into the background. Copies of the same thing, again and again. ANd just how LONG has he been building these? How long has he been trying to be L, trying to erase who 'Near' is? Because in truth, who WANTS Near? The world doesn't, the world only needs L. Without L, Near Is a nobody. That's why Near needs to be L. Because maybe he wouldn't know what else to do with himself without L's shadow pressing down his shoulders.

Near might not be happy or content, but Near is SAFE. Like this place, like these towers. And that's always something he's been known to prioritise, most of the time.

It's so cool, because all these, these cool towers, theyre visually explaining Nears situation without saying a word. But no one, in the story that is, ever mentions it. No one tries to interact, or break, or understand what Near is doing, WHY he is doing. And those people that might have understood are already dead.

APPRECIATION POST:

Near's creations

Near peeking has got to be one of my favorite things ever!

I've just recently noticed these being shaped like an L, and I thought their size alone was a thing to be impressed about.

[oflgtfol]

i have like a severe interest in archaeoastronomy and firsthand observations of the night sky and the techniques that humans have been using to observe for like utter millennia. and so this had led me to a weird position where even among my fellow astronomy people i'm like, too knowledgeable about certain aspects of it such that none of them know wtf i'm talking about. like yeah my one coworker will make a metaphor and say that something is like an oscilloscope, and we all nod our heads and agree because we all know what an oscilloscope is and have done experiments using one. but if i mention like, the nebra sky disc. i'm the only one who gets it

[sydmarch]

it was so stupidly difficult to find any nutritionist who has experience with arfid & takes insurance so after having to go through all these referrals my therapist sent me & jumping through hoops I lowkey hate the lady lmao feels like such a waste of time & energy

[enrapture]

Protecting my peace and learning to move on. Accepting the things I cannot control and taking it all as lessons. You can’t force people to change, you can’t force people to understand you, you can’t force it to work if the other side isn’t willing to put in the effort because they want to. You can’t force friendships, relationships, people to treat you right. You can’t force anyone or anything. Accepting things as they come and as they go.

If they wanted to, they would.

[hauntingblue]

Jayce telling vi she won't make it on her own.... okay mr. projector...

[graysongraysoff]

hard to explain how therapy makes me feel these days

[quelsentiment]

.

[jerichoes]

guys remember when the companions used to be properly mean to each other. ah. those were the days.

[goldenpinof]

.

[mageknife]

sorry to emmrich volkarin for giving him a guy who sucks and has issues. the longer i think about v mercar the worse he gets. and yet emmrich still thinks he can fix him. the baffling thing is that it is somehow actually working

[thebestusernamepossible]

Seeing how downhill everything going gives me a special kind of pain because I *dont* want to just move to a different contry. Despite everything I like living here, I like the good aspects of it. I like our cultural diversity, I like summer BBQs and visiting my great grandma every few months. I like fishing with my grandpa, and despite what a shithole it is I love the people who love their lives everyday here. And I am so so so so scared for them.

I don’t want to have to leave my home to not live in a facist nazi contry. I don’t want to have to move to be happy.

I hate the America of today…. But the people? The American people, who are scraping paycheck to paycheck and getting fed unjust propaganda? The people in my community? The people stuck in this burnt melting pot with me?

I love them.

And I can only hope for their safety.

[skrunksthatwunk]

household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

haven't been sad like this in a long time