#and unloved and unlikeable

[cardi-c]

seasonal depression is hitting so hard this year

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

Choi Han, for a test from a god, is sent to an unknown land with "Cale."

Choi Han, upon arrival, realizes something is strange about this Cale. He's got a similar appearance to his own Cale but the eyes are sharper, with a witty bite to his tongue and a quick sneer always at the ready.

He's clearly confused and distressed about being in a strange place with a strange person but he does his best to not let it show. His hand reaches for a bottle of alcohol that isn't there.

Choi Han thinks that this Cale isn't like his Cale at all.

Choi Han has a hunch that this Cale is the one from before Kim Rok Soo's possession. It makes sense. So he isn't his Cale.

However, though Choi Han wants to become cold to this stranger version of Cale, when he looks into those red-brown eyes and sees fear, he draws back. It's an instinctual feeling that he gets, right as Cale is spitting more vile words to cover up the trembling in his hands, that he doesn't want to see even a terrible Cale be afraid of him.

This doesn't stop them from arguing. Through towns, forests, deserts, they both learn on an intimate level that they would never, ever get along. Cale is too loud, too threatening, and Choi Han can't resist from debating with this strange Cale about morals, of all things. They argue constantly.

Though they argue, Choi Han can't help himself from sometimes mistaking this Cale for his own. He tells himself it's because they look alike.

They're both in the midst of an argument when a noble-like individual approaches them with cloying words, which seek to lure them inside of the noble's home. Choi Han is suspicious, but before he has the chance to decline, Cale steps in front of Choi Han and demands to speak to the noble who wants to see them.

The noble-like individual turns out to be the servant of a more powerful man, something that Cale saw through immediately.

Choi Han is stunned.

How did this, this trashy Cale with no moral upstanding, clock the intentions of a person so quickly and accurately?

He asks him directly. Cale shrugs. Choi Han believes he's mistaken when Cale's eyes flicker with calculating intent. They don't discuss it further.

Little moments like these keep occurring. Cale does something impressive, Choi Han inquires, and Cale downplays it with a sneer or an insult and refuses to speak about it again. It's weird and strange but it's familiar. Extremely so. Not the insulting, and the sneer is too odd to be his own Cale's face, but it's familiar in the sense that they both underestimate themselves. They both refuse to acknowledge what lies under the surface of their visage.

This Cale is a strange individual. He swears and laughs and grins, he's too calm about their situation, and it's difficult to get through to him when he makes up his mind about something. But the strangest thing is that all of these things remind Choi Han of his Cale.

Finally, it all comes down to a final battle. One more fight and both himself and this Cale can go back to where they belong. Choi Han is ready.

Cale receives a power from a book before the battle and it's unlike anything Choi Han has ever seen. But the coughing up of blood makes him have Cale swear to never use it. Cale swears.

Choi Han makes Cale promise to stay on the sideline and not approach. Cale easily agrees.

They get to the last stage, the last time they'll see each other again, and the villain of this world is too powerful. It's as if he weren't meant for them to fight. It's as if he were made so that they struggle.

Choi Han swings his blade to block a blow that he knows he can't block, knows might end him, and he thinks about how he can't possibly die right now and leave this Cale behind... but he's too weak.

He wonders what his Cale would do in this moment, when everything seems hopeless and nothing is working.

Cale steps in front of him and uses his power to its fullest extent.

White light is shining everywhere, blinding Choi Han who keeps his burning eyes open, desperately keeps his eyes on the Cale that's bleeding from his mouth and his nose and his eyes and his skin is starting to crack, crack like he is about to turn into dust and disappear.

Cale turns to look at Choi Han.

"Ah. I was worried it wouldn't be enough to take out the villain." His eyes stained with blood curl up in a smile. A ball of dread sits in Choi Han's stomach. "I'm glad. I'm really, really..." eyes drifting closed, his body begins to shatter further and further. "Happy for you, Choi Han."

This is why they felt familiar.

It's with a cry of grief and anger, anger at himself, that Choi Han reaches out to hold Cale, hold onto even a piece of him.

Cale's eye, the only one left as he is disintegrating, widens.

Choi Han grasps a fragment that's about to vanish from Cale's chest, somewhere next to his heart, and this piece doesn't break, doesn't disappear from Choi Han's hand. It stays solid and firm and real-

And it's all that Choi Han is left with when the gods test ends.

Choi Han wakes up, surrounded by his family, with a red, glass marble in his hand. He holds it to his chest. It hurts.

It hurts.

[fumifooms]

This is the incel Mickbell post 🎉 "Why do people see Mickbell as an incel?" you may ask, seeing some people around treat him like one, and there's no black or white answer, but: 

Incels are mostly characterized by insecurity and a persecution complex. It’s in the name even, involuntary celibate, which they wear as a badge, often even loudly and proudly. Some blame society and women entirely while some also largely blame themselves or the conditions of their birth with self-loathing, "I’m ugly no one would want me" etc etc, and both lash out at the world and self-isolate because of it. The incel community often serves as that desire for community and connection that lonely men who become incels crave and latch onto, becoming an echo chamber of miserable people enabling each other and agreeing about how much the world discriminates against them and hates their guts, fueling their hate targeted at everyone including themselves but offering some semblance of comradery. There’s mistrust of social systems often, a "I see through the matrix of society" sentiment, sigma males etc. To summarize with the help of wikipedia: The subculture's attitude can be characterized by resentment, hostility, sexual objectification, misogyny, misanthropy, self-pity and self-loathing, racism, sense of entitlement to sex, blaming of women and the sexually successful for their own situation (which is often seen as predetermined due to biological determinism, evolutionary genetics or a rigged game), rape culture and nihilism.

Of course Mickbell doesn't fit the mold quite that intensely and plainly, and Dungeon Meshi is a manga that largely avoids sexuality and romance, and yet- At its core being an incel is wanting to be loved and have a relationship but it turns you into some tar pit. With Mickbell, you can see several of these tendencies in him, but the key change is that women aren’t the target and sex isn’t in the picture. Resentment and hostility? Check. Objectification of the person he wants, entitlement? Check. Misanthropy? Well he sure doesn’t seem to think good of most people and the world. Self-loathing and self-pity? Check. Exhibit A and B and C and: 

Wanting to take away the rights of the person he craves attention and affection from because of his own insecurities that he’s undesirable and unlovable and that people could never choose him/want to stay. Your partner should be a possession that has no agency.

Believing that any interaction or interest outside of him is cheating or betrayal etc (not wanting Kuro to speak with Kabru or anyone without his monitoring)

Talking himself up as if superior because of entitlement/analysing his feelings would make everything crumble. Even as he puts his individual worth down he has to latch onto there being innate worth in him, something that makes him entitled to the attention and love he coerces out of Kuro, that makes it so he's owed it and deserved to take it- because he saved Kuro, because he's smarter than the people trying to trick them, etc. (for incels it's usually because they're a man or sigma or whatever)

He puts other people down (kabru) to prop himself up- everyone else is bad and dishonest but I'm a nice guy. Which combined with how isolating he is of himself and Kuro, he's literally doing a Mother Knows Best from Tangled routine, though he drinks his own koolaid about it too in most parts.

Mick implicitly called Rin a stuck up bitch because she didn’t laugh at his jokes. Saying she should smile to be cuter. He says she’s uncute and should want to be more charming, if Rin was a guy he would not be using the same language. (Flash misogyny analysis: with his sister and a lot of speculation, you could say he reflects chilchuck in this way, respects women as coworkers and people but still believes in gender roles and thinks of them as something to protect)

He's self-isolating by not trusting others and social systems/communities, like Kabru but especially the half-foot guild.

He has distrust in everything except self-hatred, because it’s supposedly the laws of the world. Of course they’ll leave him, no matter what they say or how devoted they currently are, of course everyone is out to get him- and if they say anything to countee this they'rexjust lying. It’s being possessive because of this.

Also don’t let them know just how genuinely important they are to you because that’d be showing vulnerability you can’t afford and giving them power and you have to keep the power in the relationship because otherwise you aren’t safe. He wants commitment onesidedly while still being able to be emotionally uncompromised on his end.

Like biggest takeaway is 1) he's insecure in his relationship because he doesn't think he's lovable enough for people to want to stay 2) that self-imposed pessimistic outlook of doom & fear of being alone fuels this whole behavior and he mistreat people because of it. Paranoid anxiety and self-pity and self-loathing, all that stuff. For more on Mickbell I'd link my analysis of him and- oh god oh wow oh no I tripped and my web weaving falls out and jippers this post slides out of my pocket excuse me......... Again, these things just show tendencies that are reminiscent, without really getting into the specifics of what makes incels this very specific movement. You absolutely do not need to consider him one, but hopefully this post explains well why some people see incel potential/vibes in him, so to speak. Sorry Mickbell

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[zedif-y]

love when the character with a huge ego is met with patience and kindness and is treated as an equal in a way that makes them feel off-kilter because that kind of genuine sincerity is unfamiliar to them and it just doesn't stop. not in spite of the way they are but because of it. and maybe along the way they realize that they don't have to be all grandiose and larger-than-life to be someone worth paying attention to. maybe they just have to be the person they are.

funny i write this as i wait for my therapist

[bonebabbles]

I would fucking love Clear Sky and potentially have him as my favourite villain…. If the Erin’s fucking let him stay a villain! Wtf is this redemption bs?

Simple: You're fundamentally good or fundamentally evil in the eyes of the writers. Nuanced questions are very rarely asked. Clear Sky was So Very Sad so all of his actions were painted as understandable and well-meaning, unlike the stinky foreigners who just love murder.

Good people can do bad things but you can't condemn them for it because bad people do bad things worse.

The writers are abuse apologists. They consistently downplay the abuse of their male characters, and so think that their character who most closely resembles a real life predator is "just misunderstood" and will be fixed by religion and an obedient, young wife to serve him.

In a nutshell, it's just terrible writing in support of horrible ideas.

[val-of-the-north]

"Miquella... why do you abandon me?"

I needed something to put for the cut Mohg dialogue because having him be his normal living self didn't feel right. I got a bit carried away lol.

Based on Morgott's state after he is defeated.

[s3rend1ppy]

The Autism + BPD combo goes so hard

[vampdollydoll]

No fr I’m so fucking depressed why am I being forgotten? Is it because I’m not as active as before? I promise I’m still funny why am I getting lonely the more the days pass????? I thought we were good????

[strikemedowntohell]

ultimate goal is to not be an NPC to you

[shitfridge]

i would like to win one!

[ujhold]

guys what are you supposed to do when you realize for the hundredth time that youre fundamentally unlovable

[worldheavyeetchamp]

do you think anyone on earth has ever cared about me

[avpdgirlfriend]

it is fucked that i on the rare occasion it happens i genuinely cant believe anyone actually means anything nice they say to me . its a lie or its to spare my feelings or just to be nice out of obligation or etc etc . Idk i genuinely cant find a reason why it would be real

[pierregaslays]

the urge to delete my blog and disappear forever is soooooo strong

[neonnoir-ao3]

The sunday scaries are coming in hot tonight, folks.