#and why was Drew's first thought of K waking up next to T after forgetting things them falling in love all over **again**😁😁😁

[fullsunalicia]

i really loved the jaemin prince au 💗💗 if you have time, could you possibly write a princess diaries au with jeno?? thank you for sharing your work with us ! have a great day 🤗

prince charming — LJN

in a matter of mere days, your whole life is flipped upside down. the only constant in your life are your best friends, yeeun and jeno. but while you’re being charmed with a crown and the family connection you’ve been craving for a long time, jeno is desperately trying to figure out how to tell you that you’ve charmed him.

of course i can, my love! thank you for your request and your kind words 🤍 have a great day and stay hydrated! eat if you haven’t yet. and as promised, here the princess diaries au~

For as long as you can remember, it has always just been you, your mom, and Chairman Meow. It’s a silly name for a cat, but it’s what you’ve decided on when you first got him at ten years old, and your mother found it too funny to resist. Now this poor cat is stuck with that name forever.

The life your mother built for you is far away from the family you have still left. When you were born, your father had already succumbed to an illness, leaving nothing behind but nineteen birthday letters, some presents, and the gaping hole he had ripped into every future family picture. At your first father-daughter dance, your best friends’ father had danced with you because Yeeun and Jeno couldn’t bare leaving you alone at home to cry about the fact that you had a missing parent. Everytime father’s day comes around, they pile up in your room with you and the day is spent watching rom-coms. Every year on the same day, your mom lights up a candle to honor the father who had abandoned you before birth.

Your mother told you he had his reasons. That they loved each other, but it just wasn’t meant to be. You had believed her and promised to honor the memory of a father that wanted you, but ultimately couldn’t have you. Because his own family didn’t accept it.

The letters are the only thing you have of him. You were told that when he realized he was nearing death, he decided to write them as birthday presents, one for every year. Some are longer than others. Some cheesier. Some seem like diary entries, where he regrets not being able to see you for the first and last time before he goes, since he’s sure your mother and him made the perfect daughter. The only reason you don’t resent the father that left the mother to raise their child alone is because you can feel the love in these letters, his true feelings, the somber sorrow of someone who’s being played like a puppet. His letters arive every year alongside the presents your grandmother sends you, but hers are left untouched while you cling to these letters as if they are your lifeline.

It’s almost like he’s here for you. Gone, but still felt. His love is with you when your mother kisses your forehead before school and you can see it in her smile. Your parents loved each other a lot - you wish to have a romance like theirs. You wonder why your grandmother thought it was a good idea to tear them apart.

The answer comes weeks before your last and nineteenth letter can arrive.

❀ ❀ ❀

“Will you wake up already? Damn! You’re worse than Jeno!”

“First of all,” you drawl out, sleep still heavy on your tongue. Your mind barely registers that you’re awake, and you blink several times to regain your sight after your comatose state. “I don’ t take nearly as long as Jeno in the morning to get ready. That’s why I’m able to sleep longer. And who the hell let you in?”

“Your mother,” your best friend of ten years deadpans. “Duh.” Yeeun clicks her tongue and reaches out for your body beneath the warm blankets. She doesn’t even care about the fact that you scream when you’re forcefully removed from your own paradise.

“Yeeun! I’m barely awake!”

“You want me to get a bucket of water, then?”

Yeeun is the oldest of your little group. After her comes Jeno, her younger brother, and lastly you. They baby you all the time, even though they’re barely older than you are. The first time you guys met was in first grade, where the siblings had bickered over what snack they should buy because they didn’t take enough money with them to buy one for each sibling. Without hesitation, you had approached them and lent them yours, and since then, Yeeun and Jeno basically adopted you. They’ve both already moved out and share an apartment near the university you three attend, and you know there’s a room for you waiting there.

Something just keeps you home. You can’t bring yourself to part from your mother and leave her, because then, she’ll be really alone. After all, your father’s side of your family doesn’t really like her. And her own parents live far away.

“Please don’t tell me you stayed up watching k-dramas again.” Yeeun groans and pinches your nose, the same annoying habit she tended to do to Jeno when he got on her nerves. No one else is more like a sister to you than she is, and you’re very grateful for her. It’s a different story for her brother, though.

Lee Jeno is as beautiful as his older sister, but he was the one who first drew you in with it. Your very first childhood crush in fourth grade. He even stole a first kiss from you when his lips had first touched a bottle of soju, and even though you’ve always dreamt of a fairy tale first kiss, you somehow were still thankful it was him. The boy with the crescent moon eye smile. The lingering taste of sweet alcohol and chewing gum. Careful hands who cradled your face as if you were the most expensive thing in the entire world, despite his intoxicating state.

He doesn’t remember that, though. And he doesn’t need to. You’ve buried your embarrassing crush for the younger sibling a very long time ago, and it’s never going to be dug out. Not if you can hinder it.

“I’m so tired, Yeeun,” you hiss at her and slap away the hands who are trying to pinch you awake. She laughs and wraps her arms around your waist. “Did you really have to wake me up so early?”

“Class starts in, like, twenty minutes. The longer we take here, the more Jeno is going to panic.”

“I hate you both. You’re a plague. I should’ve just let you brawl for that stupid tteokbokki cup.”

Yeeun forms her lips to a pout, lips puckered as if she was going to give you a kiss. “Aw, man. What am I supposed to do with engagement ring now? I spent so much money on it...”

Carefully, as to not hurt her, you push your best friend off your sleep-ridden body. Standing up has never taken so long, and you groan as your back cracks when you stretch it. “Don’t fool yourself,” you mumble. “The only thing you’d get me would be a ring pop.”

“Touché.”

It takes you a little longer to get ready, but Yeeun doesn’t mind as she scrolls away on her phone, liking a meme here and there. Jeno honks in impatience from outside the house and Yeeun grins, waving him off on instinct, even though he can’t actually see her. When you finally step out of your room, your mom already’s put on a cup of coffee for you on the table. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” she says, grinning, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. You furrow your brows. “Finally awake?”

“After I basically assaulted her, yeah.” Yeeun snatches up the cup meant for you and nips at the dark mixture. Outside, Jeno honks again. “Though we better get going before your neighbours file a complaint. That kid doesn’t have any manners, I swear. And to think that we’re related!”

“You’re only two years older, Yeeun,” you shoot back, yawn tumbling from your lips. She’s right, though, you don’t want to keep him waiting any longer. The neighbor next door is rather weird, and you swear you’ve caught him several times sitting down infront of his window to watch the people pass by. He claims it’s inspiration for his books. You don’t bother with finding out if that’s actually considered stalking. Your mother turns her head so you can kiss her cheek, fingers twirling the cup she’s holding. She’s nervous. For what? “I’ll get going, mom, see you later.”

“Don’t forget to come straight back home after your lecture, (y/n).” She finally looks up to meet your eyes, showing you her evident worry. Your mom had pulled you aside the evening before, saying that you had important matters to discuss at lunch because someone was coming for a visit. She didn’t tell you who, though. “Text me if you need anything.”

With that, Yeeun tugs you out the front door, the familiar click of the lock accompanying your descent down the stairs to the street. Jeno looks especially annoyed, but he still leans over from the driver’s seat to open the door for you. “I’m going to kill you both,” he threatens the second you’re in earshot, hissing at his sister like a cat as she flicks his forehead and slides into the backseat. Despite being upset that you’re late, he lets you pull him into a tight hug, and you basically disappear in his embrace. Since he’s started going to the fitness center with his friends, he’s been building up muscles like crazy. Yeeun bet you ten dollars he’s on steroids.

He’s always been this athletic, though. Now, it shines through, and it makes your knees kinda weak of how strong Jeno is becoming.

“Is that coffee?”, he asks, fingers already reaching for the cup that was stolen out of your kitchen. Yeeun slaps his fingers, pretty features pulled into a grimace. “Not for you!” she answers. “Hands on the wheel.”

“So you let me wait for an hour, but I don’t even get coffee? Got it. Should’ve just left you on the curb this morning.”

“And who would’ve woken up (y/n), huh? It takes you years to wake the girl up!”

“Because she looks so peaceful in her sleep! Unlike you, I actually care about how much sleep (y/n)’s getting!”

“I hope this car crashes,” you mumble. With that, you swipe your coffee out of Yeeun’s hands, force Jeno back into the driver’s seat and lean back to finally sip at the coffeinated drink. It’ll be a miracle to survive this car ride.

❀ ❀ ❀

You like sociology. It’s the only course you share with Jeno, and despite claiming it’s his favorite class, he keeps napping in it. Because the professor likes him and his essays are seemingly “amazing”, Jeno ends up getting out of trouble scot-free, while you have to pass your notes to said troublemaker at the end of every lecture.

Maybe you should have given him some coffee after all. His head is resting on your shoulder, shamelessly using it as a pillow, his fingers are intertwined even in his sleep. As if he’s praying. Maybe he’s praying for this lecture to end quickly. The dark circles under his eyes worry you, and you wonder if he’s even getting enough sleep.

When Jeno and you first met each other, his features had still been soft, a true baby-face. He had winced every time you pinched his cheeks and often complained when you and Yeeun determined that he could be a prettier girl than you guys were. A decade later, Jeno is still breathtakingly beautiful, but where earlier had been fat to pinch was now sharp cheekbones, and a jawline that could cut diamonds. What had been pretty turned into attractive.

He looks like a prince. It’s no wonder his family calls him that jokingly. He owns the title.

“Stop staring at me, creep,” Jeno murmurs, voice drowsy. He still reaches out for you, though. Strong arms envelop your body and press you against a firm side, and you don’t even put up a fight when he uses you as his personal body pillow. His strong perfume wafts over your senses, and it’s hard to resist the urge to cuddle against him. You claim you’ve gotten over him, but it’s so easy to fall back into old habits when they go by the name Lee Jeno.

“Start paying attention to the lesson, then.” He doesn’t even budge when you try to push him away. Sighing, you resort to taking notes instead. You can feel him grin against your shoulder.

Asshole. He knows he’s stronger.

“It’s not like the lesson’s interesting. Can’t you just stop nagging me?”

“Can you stop bothering me while I pay attention?”

“No,” he shoots back immediately, arms locking tighter around your smaller frame. Jeno ignores the squeak you let out at that (as if you were a dog chewing toy...) and instead presses his face against your throat, lips dangerously close to your skin. Damn those siblings and their irresistible charm. “This is the price you pay for my friendship. If you weren’t ready to pay it, you should’ve thought about that ten years ago. No use fighting it now. Sorry.”

Friendship. The word stings and you wish it would hit you in the face once and for all, so that you could stop looking at Jeno in that light. He hums when you mess up his hair, recently dyed with the help of his sister. Both siblings had already bleached it once, but this color was darker, more evident. Soft as always. He hums in content at your touch, the sound elicting goosebumps on your skin.

“What’s gotten into you?” The accusation in your voice is only spoken in a joking manner, but it still makes Jeno raise his head and loosen his hold around your waist. This time, you’re the one tugging him back. (You hope your professor isn’t looking. The soft spot he has for Jeno isn’t reserved for you.) “You’re never this affectionate.”

“Is that a crime?” He furrows his eyes and glares at you. He looks a little like his cat when he does this, when she’s scolded for knocking a glass of the coffee table. You pinch his cheek. He hits your fingers.

“No. I’m only curious.”

“I’m just in the mood.” Jeno turns you around so you’re facing your notes again, and you roll your eyes. Are you his slave or what? Nonetheless, you pick up your pen and resume writing. Your best friend rests his head on your shoulder, chest pressed to your back.

Jesus Christ, he’s a muscle pig.

His fingers toy with the ends of your hair, and it almost distracts you from the loud, annoying voice of the lecturer. The room is stuffed with tired, disinterested people. Someone in fifth row is playing PacMan on their laptop. You almost wish you had remembered to take your own.

Your thoughts wander to that talk your mom wanted to have with you after school. Usually, she’s very honest and upfront with you. There are no secrets. If there’s anything that should be addressed, she does it right away. What could be so important that she’s waiting for the suprise visit to explain?

Maybe it’s a new boyfriend. But your mom knew you didn’t have anything against her looking elsewhere for love; you actually welcomed it, deeming her a “helpless single” in spite of her protest. If she had a boyfriend, you wouldn’t feel so guilty about moving out. The siblings have been begging you for a while now, and you three spend lots of nights huddled on their couch, anyways.

It doesn’t work that way, though. Your mother is all you have. You just want to be assured that she’s going to be okay without you, happy. Chairman Meow isn’t that good of a company. And if you move out, you can’t visit her all the time. Exams are coming up.

Jeno pinches your waist, a snicker tumbling from his lips when you jump. “Wanna grab a bite after this?”

“Can’t.” You abandon your pen momentarily to guide his hands away from your waist, pulling at his arms so they lock around you tighter. This hug is basically a death trap, but at least it’s enjoyable. “Mom’s planned something.”

“Like what?”

“Didn’t tell me.”

“Your mom tells you everything.”

“Gee, really?” you scoff. The remark was meant to be sarcastic, but the hurt and confusion still seeps through. Jeno soothes it with a kiss to your temple, but you wish he wouldn’t. It’s so hard to stop your heart from acting up. Convicing it that Jeno’s only being platonic is like talking to a wall. “I don’t know what’s up with her. She’s been acting weird since yesterday. It’s not like my dad’s anniversary coming up.”

“Maybe she’s finally throwing you out of the damn house. You know, it kind of sucks paying for a roommate who isn’t even there.”

Jeno recoils when you turn at that, moving faster than he can register. “I told you guys to let me pay!” you complain. To your horror, it comes out a little bit louder than intended, and if looks could kill, your professor would be charged with second degree murder. The boy beside you laughs at your suffering, but he shuts up quickly when you pinch his nose. “You seriously need to stop hanging out with Yeeun,” he hisses at you, and pins your wrists against his chest. “I was joking, you fool. No matter how many times you tell us, we’ll be paying for that room until you move in.”

The rest of the lesson is spent with Jeno and you squabbling, which is why you pack up in a hurry and leave before your professor can scold the living hell out of you. Yeeun’s already managed to snag some food from someone in her own lecture, and she shares it with you guys on the way home. When the duo drives off, they’re already arguing again, and you shake your head as you walk inside.

The apartment is strangely tidy. Not that you and your mom like to live in chaos, but it’s never this neat. “Mom?” you call out.

It’s not your mother who walks out of the kitchen. You’ve seen this face on pictures often, never face to face. It would be a disgrace for her to be seen with someone of your side of the family.

“Welcome home, (y/n),” your grandmother greets you.

❀ ❀ ❀

Jeno and Yeeun are traitors. None of them answer your distress calls, or the many panicked text messages you send them. This is treason. You’re never going to let them eat off your snack stash again.

When you had recognized your grandmother, you had promptly run to your room like a freshman in highschool and locked the elderly woman out. You did not appreciate that your mother had failed to mention that the suprise visit was the grandmother that had been resenting you for the past nineteen years.

You want nothing to do with her. She’s the reason your parents could never be together.

“(y/n),” the woman sighs, exasparated. The knocks to your door are quickly deemed useless, and she resorts to talking to you through the door. “I am aware that this must be quite the shock, but I wouldn’t have thought you’d react like this. I was told you were quite the mature woman.”

You are. Still, you angrily tell her: “You would’ve known better if you had made it your duty to see your own grandchild at least once a year!”

Silence. She doesn’t have an answer for that, and you’re glad she has atleast the brains to recognize. Still, after mulling over your words for a few minutes, she continues. “My child, this is why I came. To explain why your father didn’t stay with your mother. Why no one came to see you. Don’t you wish to know the truth?”

“You’re a little late.”

“Better late than never.”

You don’t have a clever argument for that. Sulking, you stand up and rip the door open, scaring the poor woman behind it to death. A hand placed over her heart, she reprimands you with a stern look. “Tell me, then.” You cross your arms in front of your chest. Up close, she reminds you of the many pictures your mom had shown you from your father. “Tell me what was such a good reason to destroy an entire marriage with a flick of your wrist. Why I’m suddenly so important, nineteen years later.”

Your grandmother pleads you with her eyes to come out of your room, so you stroll into the living room and sit down. Your mother is waiting there for you, and you clench your fists when she mouths an “I’m sorry”.

The atmosphere is, lightly put, very uncomfortable. Your grandmother takes the liberty of pouring you and her a cup of tea, but neither of you touch it. “(y/n),” she says then. “What do you know about your father?”

“That he was ill.” You clench and unclench your hands. They’re trembling. In moments like these, you wish Yeeun or Jeno were here, but that’s silly. You should be able to master your challenges alone. So, you clear your throat and go on, voice firm, even if you feel nothing like it. “That he loved my mother dearly and you didn’t accept it.”

“I did accept it.”

“Liar,” tumbles out of your lips before you can stop it, and your mother claps a hand over her mouth. “(y/n)!” she speaks up, in disbelief that you’d talk to a family member like that. Your grandmother waves her off, but you can see the hurt in her eyes.

You hate admitting it, but it satisfies you a little.

“Your father..” The elderly woman traces the rim of her tea cup with a perfectly manicured nail. “Your father was a good man, with a sense for duty. I liked your mother a lot, but just because I liked her didn’t mean I was able to accept it. There are some things that are better left unchanged. Your parents knew that. I knew that. And that is why I wished for the engagement to be nullified.”

The words set something in you ablaze; an anger you can’t name, the protectiveness over your mother. “What in god’s name could be more important than your son marrying the woman he loves?”

Your grandmother blinks. “The throne, of course.”

You raise a brow. Behind her hands, your mother peeks to grasp your reaction. For a very long time, you wait for someone to laugh and tell you this is just a prank. When it doesn’t come, you ask: “Excuse me, what?”

“(l/n) (y/n), that is the name you were given by your mother.” Your grandmother raises the cup to her lips, unfazed by your confusion. “Though that’s not the royal name given to you. You are a direct descendant of Empress Sunmyeong, member of the Yeoheung Min clan.” She sets the cup down with a loud clatter. If you hadn’t seen her eyes, you would be very angry with her joking right now.

She’s deadly serious.

“You are Min (y/n), heir to the throne.” Your grandmother looks you right in the eyes, gaze determined, honest. “Just like your father, you are expected to ascend the throne and marry someone of blue blood.”

❀ ❀ ❀

“You didn’t confess to her?”

Jeno pouts and stuffs his mouth with marshmallows. “I didn’t get to.”

The room is dark, dimly illuminated by the light that tries to reach it through the curtains. The siblings wanted to do a movie marathon since it was the weekend and there was nothing to study for, and it isn’t fun to go out drinking without you. An hour into their first one, they’ve already abandoned it and resorted to do something else.

Talking about Jeno’s giant crush on you.

“I thought you were going to tell her in Sociology.” His sister reaches for the popcorn, disappointed to find the bowl empty. Jeno offers her the bag of marshmallows, but she shakes her head; too sweet.

“That was the plan,” he mumbles. But how is he supposed to look you in the face and tell you about his feelings, when you’re so goddamn cute? Nobody has ever made butterflies erupt in Jeno’s stomach, yet one look from you and he’s absolutely weak. The memory of you kissing him back still haunts him to this day. What if you just did it because you were under the influence? “I chickened out.”

“Shocker.”

“I hope you choke.”

Yeeun snorts. But no matter how much fun they make of each other, at the end of the day, nobody cares about Jeno like Yeeun does. She’s a really great big sister, even if she gets annoying sometimes. So when the girl reaches for the remote to turn down the volume and face him properly, he doesn’t mock her or say something provoking. He holds out his arms and pouts.

When they had been children, Jeno had fallen down the stairs once and promptly fainted. He doesn’t remember much about it, but what stuck with him was the sight of little Yeeun looming over him, crying in worry. She hisses and hits Jeno often, but the second someone else does it, he has to physically hold her back. (She’s tiny, but she packs quite the punch.)

The day Yeeun had found out about his crush on her best friend, he had been drunk off his ass and crying. That’s why she told him that it was going to be alright, because she has his back. So when Jeno inches closer in the wish to be held, she only rolls his eyes and throws her arms around his shoulders. “You’re so annoying. Why’d I get the annoying younger brother?”

“Shut up and comfort me. I was really going to tell her today.” Jeno sniffs. He’s not going to cry, though, he’s only being dramatic. He wishes you were here. “I was so close.”

“I know. Next time.” His sister messes up his hair and grins at him. He laughs at that, reaching out to dishevel her own, and it soon escalates into them wrestling on the couch, fighting for the last bag of Dorito’s.

Their fight is cut short by several quick knocks to the door.

Jeno looks at Yeeun. “Are you expecting somebody?”

She can’t answer; a key is turned in the lock and as they look up alarmed, they’re greeted with the sight of you walking in, your eyes red from all the crying, the apartment’s spare key in your hand.

You hiccup. A tell-tale sign that you’ve been sobbing and are currently trying to stop yourself. “Hi,” you mumble. That’s the magic word for both siblings to jump up and run to you, familiar hands wiping over your wet face and your shoulders. “I just had the worst day ever and I just want to collapse into someone’s bed and die. Thank you.”

“Go rest in my room,” Jeno offers. “Come on.” You don’t need to be told twice, feet carrying you to the room you’ve been so many times before. Your followed by your best friends, who even go as far as tucking you in, and Yeeun leaves a kiss on your forehead.

“Don’t go,” you whisper.

So they don’t. They take you into their middle, Yeeun on your left, Jeno on your right, both brother and sister hugging you tightly. You’re lucky you all fit on Jeno’s bed, and for a while, you just keep laying there, staring at Jeno’s ceiling that’s been freshly painted. As they hold you, you start explaining your weird, nonsense circumstances. They don’t interrupt you once.

You want to stay like this always. Some things in life come and go, but the friendship to these two stays forever. The many nights you spent stargazing. The different occassions of someone crying and the other two cheering them up. Long hugs, adoration that is spoken out loud, silent support. You want to cling to these memories, to their hands, stay in this bed for the rest of your life.

But you’re a princess. You have your loyalties towards the crown, towards your father. Accepting the duty your grandmother laid in your hands feels like treason towards yourself, but you also can’t turn your back on what your father is giving to you.

Family honor. Blood is thicker than water.

That’s why weeks after this, Yeeun and Jeno see you less and less. They knock and spam your phone with several messages, but all they get is half-hearted apologies hours later. Sometimes, there is no response at all. It hurts them a lot, to the point where they spend several days of the week skipping uni to stay home and stuff themselves with ice cream. There’s a (y/n)-shaped hole in their daily lifes, and in Jeno’s heart.

You miss them terribly, just like they miss you. Time is running out until your official coronation, and your grandmother has been preparing you and getting closer to you at the same time. One afternoon, you both cried as you looked over pictures of your father’s coronation.

“I’m so sorry you weren’t able to see him,” she had told you, voice shaky, hands trembling as they gripped yours. For the better part of your life, this woman had been an unknown evil. Now, you’re able to see the love and regret in her eyes. You see it in the way she treats your mother like a proper daughter-in-law, even though she never got to be. The fond smile the queen gifts you with when you show her your photo album with dad’s letters. The pride that’s swelling up in her chest when you behave just like your father. “He loved you long before you were born, just like I did.”

There’s no use denying your feelings for Jeno when the dooming reality is that you’re not allowed to have him, anyways. You don’t tell anyone about your feelings, especially not the queen. But there are nights where you sob yourself to sleep, listening to a particular sad voicemail where Jeno whispers into his phone how badly he wishes you were here. You’re aware your mother knows, because to her, you’re an open book. Thankfully, she doesn’t say anything either. When you mourn your childhood crush, she puts your favorite cookies on the nightstand, leaves a kiss on the crown of your head and closes the door to your room.

Being alone is the only gift she can give you right now. In the whirlwind that is an official introduction to the public, getting some peace and quiet was like heaven.

Your coronation is on the day of your nineteenth birthday.

For the first time, you’re really scared about opening your father’s letter. It’s the last one you’re ever going to receive, and the dread sits heavy in the pit of your stomach. It’s such an umcomfortable feeling. Usually, those letters were a chance to look into your father’s heart. The words that convey his love wrap around you like an embrace, and there are many letters you know word for word. Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. Your sixteenth letter. You didn’t understand then, but you understand now. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.

You open the letter.

Tears swim in your eyes before you can even realize what is written. You feel so overwhelmed by everything; the need to make your father proud, the love growing steadily in your chest for a man you can’t have. The fear of abandoning your mother. The heavy weight of a crown you never actually wanted. It smothers you, and you need several attempts to catch your breath.

A warm hand wipes your tears away. You didn’t even notice your mother sliding into the seat beside you, but you’re glad she did. She lets you rest your head on her shoulder, and familiar fingers that you’ve known all your life loosen up any knots in your hair. With her help, you’re finally able to read your father’s last words for you.

My dearest (y/n),

What a woman you must have become. If there’s any chance you’ve gotten your mother’s stubbornness, I can rest assured that you know how to get everything you want in your life and what you want. After all, that’s how she charmed me.

Today is the day you turn into an adult. By now, I’m sure you’ve been confronted with the throne you’re about to inherit. When I was your age, there was nothing more exciting than that. Other than you, I was raised to be king, taught what was needed to be known and fed with the love to our people. There is no physical impact you can do as royalty in the 21st century, but we represent the tradition of our country. The voice of those who cannot talk for themselves. We have no power in parliament, but we have the power to get loud enough for it to hear us. What others cannot, we must do for them. To help those who cannot help themselves, we must do everything.

But that is only if you want your crown.

(y/n), the crown was not a family heirloom I intended to give you if you didn’t want it. I love your mother, and I love you. I will continue to do that always, whether you decide to claim your birth right or reject it. I love you even if you abandon the family’s traditions to become the person you’ve always dreamt of, and I will still do that when you ascend the throne and make it yours. We are not our ancestors. The future doesn’t lie in our hands. But we can shape it, just like any other person. We can take each other by the hand and change the world together. My father taught me that long before he taught me how to love the crown.

What he didn’t teach me is the love to another person. It’s the only tradition everyone is too proud to change, or get rid of. Arranged marriages are a given, even though our monarchy has changed to accomadate to modern times. But nothing in this world could have stopped me from giving your mother my heart. After all, she blessed me with the most perfect child and love I ever received. To love is to be blessed. I want you to choose whoever you love. Fight for what you believe in, for I couldn’t do it. It is the only thing I regret in my life. I wanted to give your mother the world, and all I’ve given her is suffering. I hope you can give her that for me.

My mother is very proud. It’s what I got from her. It’s not something I want for you. Pride is nothing but silly. Love without being afraid, (y/n). If the person you give your heart to ends up to be royal or not, does not matter. If you choose to not marry at all is up to you.

All I wish for you is to be happy.

I wish for you to be healthy and satisfied. I wish that you accomplish anything you set your mind to and that you can be proud of your hard work. I wish for you to be supported unconditionally and I wish for you to always have the warmth of your mother in your life, for I can’t be there to do it. I love you, my dearest daughter. You are the greatest gift God has given me.

Happy birthday, little (y/n). May you be in good spirits always. Thank you for making your father beyond happy, even though it was only for a short period of time.

With love,

Dad

You can’t stop sobbing. You set the letter down so your tears don’t ruin it, and your hands move to cover your wet face. The crying doesn’t stop, no matter how much your mother kisses you all over and hugs you close. “I wish I could’ve met him,” you bawl.

Your mother fixes your hair and smiles at you, both happy and sad. “I wish that, too.” Another kiss to your forehead. You hiccup. “He would’ve been the best father.”

The words are imprinted into your mind, haunting you while you get ready. Your grandmother is going to introduce you to the public as the princess for the first time, but thankfully, you don’t have to be queen yet. This press conference is only for you to officially claim the throne. Ascending it wouldn’t happen before you finish university and spent the many years learning how to be a queen with your grandmother. You recite the letter in your head while your face is painted by make-up, and you mouth the words while the last finishing touches are done to your dress. The crown set on your head is light, but it feels like the heaviest thing you ever had to carry in your life.

Someone knocks at the door. Your mother sticks her head through, big smile on your face. You give her one back, even though your heart aches.

You wish Yeeun and Jeno were here.

“You’ve got company,” your mom declares and disappears again. The person stepping inside is not your grandmother, as you expected, but Lee Jeno.

His eyes grow wide when he sees you. And the way he looks at you! As if you were the only star in his universe. Your chest swells with love when you see the awe in his eyes, and you don’t even think about reaching out for him. It happens on instinct. Two big steps, and Jeno carefully wraps his arms around your figure. The people who helped you dress up quietly leave the room.

“You look so, so beautiful,” Jeno whispers into your ear. “So gorgeous. I thought I was looking at an angel.”

“Kiss-up,” you mumble, yet you still turn your head to grin at him. Unbeknownst to you, the sight almost makes Jeno’s heart stop. The things you do to him... “How’d you know I was here?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?” He nudges the tiara on your head. You giggle. “And even if it weren’t apparent, I still would have found a way to meet you. Because I’ve been dying to tell you something.”

That he was disappointed with you? That it’s all your fault the friendship is going downhill right now? You bite the inside of your cheek. Well, it’s not like you don’t deserve to be told off. So you brace yourself for the reprimanding.

“I love you,” is all you’re getting.

It’s your turn to gape at him. Did you imagine him saying that? Is your brain starting to mess with your perception because you’ve been obsessing over your father’s letter? But no, you’re not dreaming - Jeno is looking you in the eyes, soul laid bare. Waiting for you to reject him and send him off forever.

Your hands cup his face. “You do?”

“Of course I do.” Jeno inches closer. He smells like his perfume and a little bit of Yeeun’s deodorant. You know he always ends up using it accidentally, and it makes his sister laugh without end. You know everything about the man in front of you. Your heart spent years gathering information on the only person who’s ever lived there. “When you first gave me the money for that stupid snack in elementary school, I adored you. I didn’t know shit about love then. But I know that I missed you terribly when you didn’t go to school and I know that I loved having you fall asleep on mine and Yeeun’s lap after hours of studying. I loved twirling you around at prom. I love being the one to wake you up in the morning because you get all doe-eyed and clingy when you‘re barely awake. I love listening to things you’re excited about because you end up rambling and your voice is the nicest thing to listen to. (y/n), I may not have known back then what I was dealing with. But I got it bad, and I still do. If you asked me right now, I’d go on my knees just for a slither of affection. I love you. I love you so much, and yet my heart will make more space tomorrow to love you even more. I don’t think I’ll ever stop and at this point, I don’t want to.”

“Jeno,” you whisper. You want to cry again. “Jeno, I’m going to be queen someday.”

“You already are,” he tells you. His voice is soft, just like how he’s holding you close to him. When you lay your hands on his chest, you can hear his heart racing, pounding heavily against his ribs. As if it’s trying to jump into your hands. “You’re my queen. After all, you rule over my heart and my mind. There’s not a second I don’t think about you. Is that so bad?”

“No.” Jeno lets you tug him closer, accepts the kiss you deliver to his lips and the countless ones after that. Every single one is an unspoken confirmation. I’m yours. “Jeno, I love you, but I can’t... I can’t marry someone...” Who’s not blue-blooded, you want to say. You don’t finish your sentence. He doesn’t let you.

“Choose me,” he begs you, heart on his tongue, delivered to you on a silver platter. It’s all he can offer you as Lee Jeno, your childhood prince, the one your heart and soul craves. “Please, choose me.”

❀ ❀ ❀

Time is a flimsy thing.

It flies by when you’re not paying attention, not even for the coronation of a new queen. It doesn’t halt for the freshly crowned, neither does it for anyone else. Compared to claiming your birth right, finishing university was way easier.

But the easiest thing was getting rid of this stupid tradition. It does not survive a day of your regency, despite many in your family bashing you for it. They were silenced the second your grandmother backs you up on it, and you’re eternally grateful for that.

She’s not going to do the same mistake again. Never again is she going to rip apart two lovers who aren’t meant to be seperated.

Lee Jeno is nothing but a regular boy, but it doesn’t stop him from falling to his knees the second the rule is disabled, never to be abided by again. There are crowns adorning your head that are more expensive than the ring he holds in his hands for you, but you’d toss them all away to keep him forever. There is nothing more precious to you in this world than your childhood prince.

You marry out of love, not out of duty. For the rest of your life, you’re going to wake up to Jeno and his sweet smile, crescent eyes and all. You’ll spend eternity reminding your soon-to-be husband how much you adore him, and someday, you’ll watch your children do that, too. You’re absolutely sure your father would be proud of you.

(And to make one thing clear - Yeeun makes a killer maid of honor. Both Jeno and you can vouch for that.)

You may not have ended up with a royal partner, but you sure as hell found your own Prince Charming.

[captainstressed]

By Your Side

a/n: hello! so this is my first official attempt at a Stargate piece, hopefully I didn’t butcher the characters too bad and I hope y’all enjoy!

Fandom: Stargate SG1 Pairing: Sam Carter/Daniel Jackson Rating: K+ Genre: Friendship/Romance Word count: 1,813 Summary: Post Season 1 Episode 15 ‘Singularity’

-

Sometimes I forget you’re not military.

-

Maybe that’s why she found herself standing outside Daniel’s apartment at such a late hour, or the excuse she would give if her actions were questioned. It wasn’t like she could show up on the Colonel’s doorstep in the middle of the night, aside from being highly inappropriate given their positions he also just wouldn’t understand.

She knew it was late, and she knew she probably should have called ahead first to make sure he was even ok with her just showing up but she was still in a spin after the events of the last few days.

Cassandra was fine, Janet had opened her home to the young girl indefinitely once they had determined the bomb inside her was no longer present. Sam had accompanied them both back to Janet’s in order to help Cassandra get settled and had hung around for a few hours before promising to check in the next day. She had left under the pretence of going home and getting some rest but had quickly changed direction at the prospect of going back to her empty home with nothing but her own thoughts to keep her company. Said thought process was why she had found herself outside of her friends apartment at just shy of eleven thirty at night.

Before she could stop herself, Sam raised a hand and knocked lightly on his door. She decided to give him a few moments to answer before leaving, she wouldn’t knock again and a small part of her hoped he wouldn’t answer so she could take it as a sign and convince herself it had been a bad idea after all.

He did answer however, stood in a t shirt and a pair of sweats, Daniel had a look of mild confusion on his face before quickly recovering and offering Sam a smile.

“Hey Sam.”

She didn’t look him in the eye but caught sight of his attire and instantly felt awkwardness fill the air, what was she even doing here? Daniel was her friend sure, but were they close enough that she could just show up at his place unannounced late at night? Maybe not so much.

“Do you wanna come in?”

His soft voice cut through her thoughts and that’s when Sam realised she had just knocked on his door and proceeded to stare at him instead of saying anything when he answered, finally looking at him properly she gave a small nod. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say in regards to why she was there but she figured any kind of conversation was better had inside than in the hallway of his apartment building.

Daniel opened his door wider and stepped aside to let Sam pass, he had considered calling her to check in, but he knew she was helping Cassandra get settled at Janet’s place and didn’t want to stick his nose in where it potentially wasn’t wanted. Her turning up at his apartment however had quashed some of his worries about her not wanting his help.

“I’m sorry for just showing up like this, I hope I didn’t wake you.”

The awkwardness was back as she crossed the threshold, Daniel closed the door behind her and she turned to face him.

“You didn’t, I was actually just doing a bit of reading.”

He assured and she finally smiled, his face always lit up when he spoke about nerd stuff as Jack liked to call it.

“How’s Cassandra?”

His question caused her smile to falter, the mention of the young girl flooded Sam’s mind with memories of the past few days. She was fine, they all were, but it didn’t change what had happened and what had nearly happened. She had just about been able to hold herself together aside from her moment in the elevator and the last thing she wanted was to show up at Daniel’s place and then cry all over him.

“She’s.. fine.”

She answered after a pause and Daniel nodded, waiting patiently for her to elaborate. 

“It’ll take her a while to adjust to being here on Earth but Doctor Fraiser’s already smitten, she’s been through a lot but she’s a good kid.”

With another nod, Daniel gave her a soft smile. He didn’t need to ask Sam how she was doing, it had been a tough few days for them all but she and Cassie had formed a special bond from the get go and he couldn’t begin to imagine the toll this all had taken on her. It was then he realised they were still standing by his door and mentally chastised himself for being a rude host.

“Would you like something to drink?”

He asked, gesturing for her to head further into his apartment.

Sam briefly considered asking if he had anything alcoholic but they both had work the next morning and with her mind already in a spin, she wasn’t sure alcohol would be the best choice.

“Water’s fine, thanks.”

She told him with a small smile as she headed on through towards his kitchen with him in tow. She’d been to his place before on a few occasions but that had been with Teal’c and the Colonel when they’d had time for a rare team evening, it had never been just the two of them.

Daniel busied himself with grabbing glasses from the cabinet whilst Sam stood across from him, wondering what direction their conversation would take next. She still wasn’t entirely sure why she’d decided to stop by Daniel’s place after leaving Janet’s, she didn’t really wanna talk about the days events but she also hadn’t wanted to head home alone and deal with her own thoughts.

“I was going to call you actually.”

He mentioned casually, glancing over to gauge her reaction whilst he filled two glasses up with water from the tap.

“You were?”

She sounded genuinely surprised and he nodded.

“I meant what I said before Sam, you don’t have to do this alone.”

At the time she had assumed he was simply referring to taking care of Cassandra. He offered her a glass and she took it with a grateful smile. They lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few moments after that, both simply enjoying the others company and giving Sam time to mull over the revelation.

They shared a glance, both knowing what they wanted but unsure of whether the other wanted it too. Eventually it was Sam who made the first move, perhaps it was the adrenaline still racing through her from almost dying but in that moment all she wanted was him. Setting her glass down on the counter beside her she closed the remaining distance between them, bracing herself with a hand against his chest she pressed her lips to his. It was chaste and over as quick as it had started but when she made to move away, Daniel brought a hand to her cheek and drew her in for another kiss.

Both allowed themselves to get lost in the moment, Sam moved her hands to his waist, fingers gently fisting the material of his shirt as his free hand cupped her other cheek. It was soft, and gentle, and so Daniel.

He loved Sha’re but he couldn’t deny his growing feelings towards Sam. His determination to find his wife had never wavered and he wouldn’t give up no matter how long it took and regardless of his feelings for another.

They had become fast friends since meeting during her trip to Abydos with Jack and the others, she wished it had been under better circumstances but since he had joined SG-1 in hopes of finding his wife, they had all become a bit of a family of sorts. A pretty dysfunctional one, but a family nonetheless. Working for the military as long as she had, Sam was well aware that relationships were against regulations, but like she had been reminded of earlier that day, Daniel wasn’t military. That’s not to say she wanted a relationship with him, for a start he was married, but it was a comfort to her to know that they could have something between them if they so wished it, without serious repercussions.

Finally parting, they remained close. The moment Daniel had realised that Sam wasn’t joining them back on the surface replayed in his mind along with the fear and dread he had felt, brushing a hand down her arm he took one of her hands and gave it a soft squeeze.

“I thought I’d lost you back there, at the facility.”

With a small sigh, Sam lowered her gaze.

“I couldn’t leave her Daniel.”

She repeated the words she’d told the Colonel before, it made her feel sick to think she had nearly left Cassandra in that cold and damp basement at the nuclear facility all by herself. She had only turned back because of her last minute realisation that the bomb possibly wouldn’t detonate after all and she didn’t dare consider how she would have felt had things turned out differently.

“No, I know, I just, I’m really glad you’re ok, both of you.”

His relief upon hearing her voice over the com had been palpable, he knew the risk their jobs entailed but each time they managed to get through another mission he sent a silent prayer to whoever or whatever god was watching over them.

“I should probably go, it’s late.”

He considered asking her to stay, his guest room was set up for any impromptu team nights otherwise his bed was also rather comfortable if he did say so himself. It had been an overwhelming few days for them both however, Sam was upset and he didn’t want them to let their emotions get the better of them and do something they would later regret.

With a nod he took a small step back, if he had any intention of following his better judgement then he needed to put some space between them. He still had her hand in his however and he gave it another gentle squeeze before letting go.

She dismissed the small pang of disappointment she felt when he didn’t ask her to stay, it hadn’t been her intention for anything like this to happen when she’d made the decision to stop by and knew they were doing the right thing by stopping before they passed the point of no return.

He took lead and she followed him back through his apartment to the door, he opened it for her and she silently stepped over the threshold before turning back to him with a smile.

“See you tomorrow?”

She knew she would but the question held a deeper meaning and he knew it. A smile crossed his lips and he gave her another nod.

“See you tomorrow.”

[tialightwood-blog]

18+ Rough Waves -Two-

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you!” Lara looked very insulted.

“I don’t understand what the big deal of not knowing that they exist,” I said and opened the other soda.

“What is the big deal?! You’re missing out great music and great people!” she said angrily and stood up looking like she was about to kill me.

“Okay calm down, I totally agree with you,” I said and stood in front of her and slightly pushed her to sit down again. The fact that she was angry was laughable to me and I knew that there was no need to argue with her. “I indeed live under a rock musically wise, so I will ask you one more time, who are those people?” I said and sat back on my chair.

Lara took a deep breath and looked right into my eyes; her facial reaction was steady. She looked like she was about to give an important presentation. Lara is always good with her facial reactions; she has a steady poker face that can’t be played with. Unlike me; I can’t hide my emotions it will always be written across my face.

“Get me a pen and a bunch of papers,” she said and moved everything from the table between us.

“Why?” she stared at me deadly. I hate this stare; it freaks me out a little. “Okay,” I got up quickly and got her what she wanted.

“Clear your head and focus,” she said firmly and put the papers on the empty table.

“Okay, I’m ready.” I sat on the chair and looked at the papers as she held the pen.

“BTS or Bangtan Boys.” she wrote it on the center of the page and drew a circle around it. “They are seven idols in the band.” she drew seven arrows. “RM, Jin, Suga, J-hope, Jimin, V, and Jungkook.” she wrote each name after each arrow “Each one has different positions,” she said and looked at me to make sure I’m listening.

“Okay,” I said to confirm her.

“I’ll start with the positions and with RM,” she said and flipped the paper and wrote the word positions and the name right under it on the beginning of the paper “RM is the stage name of Kim Nam Joon, his positions are leader of the group and the main rapper okay,” she said and looked again at me.

“Okay,” I said and felt like she was going to test me at the end of whatever she was doing.

“Jin is the stage name of Kim Seok Jin, his positions are the visual and a vocalist." I felt like she was writing an article teaching people the steps of how to know Korean bands, couldn’t help but giggle. “Focus Tia!” she shouted at me made me giggle more.

“Sorry, continue please.”

“Third one is Suga, his real name is Min Yoon Gi and his position is a lead rapper.”

“Wait, there is a difference between the main rapper and lead rapper?” I asked.

“Yes, you will know the difference when you listen to the songs.”

“I’m going to listen to the songs?!” I asked sarcastically but Lara ignored my question and just gave me one of her death stares. “Continue,” I said to stop her stare.

“J-hope or Jung Ho Seok, his positions are the main dancer, rapper and sub vocalist.”

“Hmm.” I shook my head.

“Then Jimin, his real name is Park Ji Min and his positions are the main dancer and lead vocalist.”

“Two main dancers?”

“Shut up.” I smirked. “Then here’s my favorite one, V, his name is Kim Tae Hyung and his positions are lead Dancer, vocalist and visual.” I looked at her, I was about to open my mouth to say something, but she raised her hand “Yes, Tia another visual,” she said without raising her eyes from the paper.

“Lastly we have Jungkook or Jeon Jeong guk and his positions are the main vocalist, lead dancer, sub rapper, center and maknae which means the youngest in Korean,” she said and looked at me.

“Wow Jungkook has a lot of positions,” I said and raised my eyebrows.

“Yup,” Lara said and shook her head in agreement and then looked again at the paper. “You need to know that age is very important in Korea,” she said. “From the oldest to the youngest,” she said and started to write years beside each one’s name. She wrote beside Jin’s name the year of 1992, Suga 1993, J-hope 1994, RM 1994, Jimin 1995, V 1995, and then Jungkook 1997. At this point, I really didn’t understand what is the point of knowing any of that, but I didn’t say anything. “So next thing personalities,” Lara said and took another blank paper.

I took a deep breath and hugged the bowl of chips hoping it will end soon.

Next Morning.

May 7, 2017.

12:00 PM.

My alarm made its usual noise. I took it and throw it at the floor; It was a metal one that never breaks. I sat up and moved my hair away from my face. I was very tired; I didn’t get much sleep. I spend the whole night with Lara telling me or to be more precise teaching me about BTS and K-pop in general. She told me about everything I needed to know to be a professional K-pop fan. She refused when I tried to listen to any BTS songs before knowing who they are and how they work, but she showed me their pictures. I was surprised at how handsome each one is, especially Jungkook. I got up and went to take a long cold shower to help me fully wake up.

12:30 PM.

I went downstairs heading to the garden where grandma and Lara were sitting. “Hey you,” Lara said and ate a whole mini muffin at one bite.

“Morning grandma.” I blow her a kiss, she smiled back and then I looked at Lara “Hey, when did you wake up?”

“At 11:00 AM.” Lara used to sleep late due to her work, she always drew after midnight, her creativity doesn’t work in daylight.

“We’re not opening early today, go sleep more if you need to,” grandma said and looked at both of us.

“I’m okay,” Lara answered.

“I have some writings to do before heading to the restaurant,” I said and stood up heading to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

Grandma’s phone ranged, it was on the coffee table in front of the TV. “Bunny give me the phone please,” grandma shouted to me. I was already done making the coffee, I took her phone and went back outside. Grandma took the phone and started to talk in a loud tone; she was talking to one of her old friends. She left us and continued her call inside the house.

Lara was already done with her breakfast and she started to drink her tea while playing a game on her phone. I took one of the pastries with my left hand and moved my chair to face the far view of the sea. I closed my eyes enjoying the taste of the freshly made pastry. I had many things to do this day. Another article I needed to write, a lot of supplies I needed to buy for the restaurant. My mind was organizing everything, it’s a habit I have; organizing everything first inside my mind then write it down. My head was leaning back a little while my legs were rested on another chair in front of me.

“60’s fashion… Elena Nathanael…club soda…tomatoes…” I whispered to myself, Lara didn’t move her eyes from her phone. She knew what I was doing at that moment.

“Potatoes,” Lara said.

“Also, potatoes…,” I repeated. I was seeing everything I need to do inside my head like imagining it before I do it. I kept saying other things I need to buy before heading to the restaurant, my voice was in a whisper but loud enough for Lara to hear. “And…Jungkook,” I said and opened my eyes widely.

Lara moved her head to the left and looked at my shocked face. “Did you say Jungkook?” Lara asked.

“His photo pop in inside my head!” I said and looked at her in surprise.

“Which photo?” Lara said and looked back at her phone.

“The sweaty one.”

“What?” she said and moved her head again to look at me.

“He was wearing a white t-shirt, very sweaty, he was holding a part of his t-shirt up showing his perfectly fine abs, his hair was like kind of wet and he was biting his bottom lip…” I stopped and bite my own bottom lip.

“T, are you okay?” Lara said with the widest smile ever.

“Huh?!” I realized what I said. “Yeah…uhm it’s… a good photo,” I said and sat up straight.

“Right,” Lara said and smirked. At that moment grandma entered the garden and stood on the head of the table. She looked at me and stepped closer.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong with your face? it’s really red?” grandma said and put her hand on my right cheek.

“Nothing!” I said quickly and put my hand on my other cheek; it was very warm. I didn’t notice that my whole body was getting hot.

“Are you okay? Do you need to see a doctor?” grandma asked.

“No! it just the hot weather!” I said and waved randomly.

Grandma looked at me then at Lara who was still smiling. “Grandma, I think we need to get Tia a date,” Lara said and winked at her, Grandma giggled and looked at me.

“My bunny is all grown up,” she said and played with both of my cheeks. I didn’t have any love experience before and grandma knew that; she always argued with me that I need to have a boyfriend and to enjoy my youthful life to the maximum but I’m not that outgoing person like her and Lara.

I smiled at her. “I’m going to Melina’s house, don’t forget to buy everything on the list,” grandma said and left.

“Okay,” I shouted after her.

The house main door closed after her. “Manos?” Lara said suddenly.

“What?”

“I will ask Manos out for you,” she said.

“Not funny!” Manos is our old friend and neighbor who had a major crush on me when we were in middle school, I never really thought of him being more than just my good old friends.

“I’m not kidding, the man had a crush on you for like forever now! Just give it a try,” she said and took one grape to eat.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“He’s simply not my type.”

“Who is your type then?”

Jungkook image pop in again in my head. I didn’t know how to reply. “I don’t know yet! But I do know that Manos is not my type,” I said firmly and looked away.

“Are you thinking about sweaty Jungkook again?” Lara looked at me and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. 

“No,” I said and took a big sip of my coffee, trying hard to remove his image from my head.

[gilbertandanne]

AU College Fic. Farkle never figured out how Riley really felt about Lucas, so it never got out. Now she’s turning 21 and the gang decides to go to Las Vegas to celebrate. Sometimes what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay in Vegas.

Rating: M

Pairing: Rucas

Word Count: 8,827

Cross-posted at ff.net            

Soundtrack (although not at all organized and subject to edits)

A/N: Trying something new with the second half of this chapter.  Feedback would be appreciated, although is certainly not required.  Again, this fic is rated M.

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | J | Q | K | A | J |

                              Chapter Twelve: Helen of Troy

Maya thought for sure she would be the last person up the next day.  She glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand as she rolled out of bed.  It was nearly 11am.  She took one look at the other bed and quickly noticed that Riley was completely passed out.  She had no idea what time the brunette finally went to bed, but Maya wasn’t about to wake her up until she absolutely had to.  Last night was rough for everyone, but Maya knew that it was especially rough for her best friend.  If Riley could find a few moments of peace in a different realm, who was she to disturb her?

Maya yawned as she quietly tiptoed out of the room.  She could feel the effects of a small hangover as she closed the door behind her.  She had a very faint headache, but knew from experience that one good meal would quickly cure her.

As she walked toward the kitchen, she noticed that only one other person was seated at the island.  As she drew closer, she realized that it was the last person she wanted to see after the previous night.  “Good morning,” she mumbled as she made a beeline for one of the cabinets.

“Morning,” Lucas grumbled in response before he sipped his coffee.  He had been up for a few hours already as he tried to figure out what to say and how to pretend that his heart hadn’t been splintered into a thousand pieces last night.  So far, he hadn’t come up with anything he could feasibly do.  He considered hopping on the first plane back to New York, but he knew that he couldn’t hide from her forever.  He didn’t want to hide from her, even though every protective instinct in him screamed at him to hide, to preserve some dignity and pride.

“Where are Zay and Farkle?”

Lucas shrugged.  “Zay’s still asleep.  I guess Farkle is too.  I haven’t seen him.”

Maya turned toward him as she reached for the pot of coffee on the counter.  “How long have you been up?”

“A few hours.”  He looked down at the cup in front of him.  He wasn’t really in the mood for small talk.  All he wanted to do was escape to the golf course for a few hours.  He needed something to do, something to concentrate on so that maybe he could stop thinking about Riley for a minute.  “Went to the gym, got a shower, and now I’m here.”

Maya brought the mug to her lips.  “Room service?”

He shrugged as he looked up at her.  “I wasn’t sure what we were doing today in terms of meals, so I haven’t eaten yet.”

She sat the mug on the counter before she reached for the menu behind her.  “I have no idea what the plan is either, but I do know I’m going to need something soon to kick this little headache I have, and I’m not really sure that the birthday girl is going to be up anytime soon.”

At the mere mention Maya’s roommate, Lucas’s gaze lowered to the counter.  “Pretty wild night, huh?”

“You tell me,” she began as she glanced at the menu, “I’m pretty sure that you had the wildest night out of all of us…you know with the whole disappearing act and everything.”  After a moment of silence, her eyes ticked up to look at him.  If he wasn’t going to offer an explanation, then she was going to demand one.  “Why didn’t you answer your phone when she tried to call you?”

“She tried to call me?”  He frowned the second he heard the hopeful tone in his voice.  He knew that it was a perfectly normal thing for Riley to do to check up on someone if they were late or missed an event.  The fact that she tried to call him didn’t necessarily mean anything, did it?  “I left my phone on the bathroom counter last night.  It was completely dead when I saw it this morning.  It’s charging now.”

Maya narrowed her eyes at him.  “You wouldn’t ignore her on purpose, would you?”

“No,” he answered firmly.  “Things are…complicated…at best between us, but I’d never want her to worry about me like that.”

Maya studied his face for a moment.  Normally an excuse like that would be completely unbelievable, but given everything she knew and had observed about Lucas over the years, it was the only thing that actually made sense.  She tilted her head to the side.  If he left his phone at the hotel, then he wasn’t trying to hurt her on purpose.  “So,” she placed her chin in the palm of her hand as she rested her elbow on the counter, “where did you go?”

Lucas didn’t even blink.  “I know what you’re asking.  Not that it’s any of your business, but I didn’t pick up any random girls last night.”

Maya smirked.  “I figured that much.”  She leaned back as she reached for the room service menu once more.  When she looked back him, she chuckled at the surprised look on his face.  “Riley’s the one who’s scared of your dating history, not me.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.  “Oh, you aren’t,” he asked sarcastically.  “Have you forgotten that I’m just a heartbreaker?  I’m the guy who will date a girl for two months and then drop her once I get bored.” He knew his resentment was seeping out, but he didn’t even care anymore.  He was tired of hearing the same story from everyone.  Now that Riley knew how he felt, he wanted to set the record straight about his supposed reputation.

Maya shook her head before she took a sip of her coffee.  Hearing the annoyance in his tone was the last piece Maya needed to confirm everything she had suspected.  She now knew exactly what was going on.  “Nope.  I don’t think that’s the case.  I love Riley.  She’s my best friend in the world, but sometimes her insecurity prevents her from seeing the whole picture.”

“Meaning?”

A smiled spread across her face as she sat her coffee mug down.  “Meaning that you find an initial attraction with a girl…a brunette with brown eyes…and on some subconscious level, you think that this girl is going to be the one to help you get over the girl you’ve been in love with since middle school.”  When Lucas opened his mouth to say something, she held up a hand. “I’m not done,” she smirked.  She wasn’t about to give him a chance to try to deny it, at least not until she had revealed her theory.  “So, you try to make it work even though you find out pretty quickly that this girl is no Riley Matthews because…well, we both know there is only one of those in the world.  You think that you can force it…maybe even make yourself believe that this time will be different…but then around the two-month mark, a certain four letter word starts to get tossed around and you realize that you aren’t in love with the girl you’re dating.  So, instead of leading her on, you end things and move on to the next one, hoping that this one will be the one to make you forget about the girl you actually do love…the one girl you think you can’t have because she threw you into the ‘brother’ category seven years ago.”

Lucas closed his mouth as he looked back down at the counter.  Out of everyone in their lives, how did Maya figure it out?  Yes, Zay knew about it, but it was only after Lucas had practically confessed everything to him.  As far as Lucas knew, Farkle didn’t have a clue.  None of their other friends had any idea.

“But that’s just a theory I’m working on,” Maya added as she slowly spun her coffee mug around.

“How?”  He had to know how she figured it out.  “I didn’t even know I was doing it until recently.  How is it possible that you knew before I did?”

“Because you’re way too close to everything to see it.”  She crossed her arms over her chest.  “I have one more theory.  This is a new one that just came to me, but it makes all the sense in the world because…I know you.  You’re not like most of the guys we go to school with.”

He took a deep breath.  “What’s that?”

She paused.  “It’s pretty invasive.”

“Maya, after the last two days, I don’t think much can surprise me anymore.”

She bit the inside of her cheek.  He had a good point.  She felt the same way, and she still had no clue as to what happened between Riley and him last night.  “I don’t think that you’ve slept with any of them.”

Lucas furrowed his eyebrows.  “What makes you say that?”

“Because,” she shrugged, “you’re different.  Because Riley and you…are a lot alike and I firmly believe that you wouldn’t sleep with anyone you weren’t in love with.”  She waited a beat.  “I don’t need you to confirm or deny anything.  It’s not any of my business.”  She took another sip of her coffee as she considered her next words.  “I was mad at you last night…because I thought that maybe I had been wrong about you, but now that I’m standing in front of you and I see how anxious you are…I know that I wasn’t wrong.  After what I saw last night… when you came back after your little adventure…I’m pretty convinced that you’re in love with her and that you’ve been in love with her for a very long time.  I think that those feelings are pouring from you now because…because you can’t possibly hold it in anymore.  Seven years is a long time to hold feelings like that in.”

Lucas said nothing as he reached for his coffee.  He took a long sip as he considered her words.  “Wow, Maya,” he finally said as he sat his mug back down.  “You should go on the road with that act.”

She shrugged, completely unfazed by the fact that he had just confirmed everything she had been thinking for the last few months.  “It’s a gift.”

“It doesn’t change anything that happened last night.”

“Are you still mad about that kiss?”  When he didn’t answer, Maya rolled her eyes.  She hated how stubborn and dense both of them could be.  “Dylan dared Asher to kiss her…for ten seconds.  You came in around the third second.”

Yeah, it was a dare.  He was told that much last night, but even if that were the case, it didn’t help erase the crystal clear mental image of her lips on Asher’s.  “All of these games are so ridiculous.  The only thing that happens is that everyone ends up making out with everyone else.”

“I know it’s juvenile, but it’s probably the last time we’re all going to be able to act like a bunch of stupid single kids in a place like this.”  Maya sighed.  How could she make him understand what was right in front of him without telling him something that Riley should be telling him?  “Lucas, look.  What happened is in the past.  Now that it’s morning…now that it’s a new day…now that it’s her birthday…what are you going to do?  Are you going to go after what you want or are you going to watch her slip away…again?”

“She doesn’t want me, Maya.  She has this perception of me that I’m the biggest fuck boy that has ever walked the earth.”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  Maya had already figured it all out.  He might as well come clean with her.  Besides, Riley probably already told her what happened.  “Last night I told her that I loved her and a few hours later, she’s kissing one of my best friends.”

Maya pinched the bridge of her nose with her index finger and thumb.  So, that’s what happened.  It made perfect sense.  It explained why Riley freaked out.  It explained why he left.  It explained why he looked so defeated when he came back and saw her with Asher.  “You’re an idiot.”

Out of every possible reaction he thought she might have had, this one was nowhere on the list.  “Why?”

“No girl wants to hear ‘I love you’ from a drunk guy at a club!”  She placed her hands on her hips.  This felt like the plot of a cheesy romantic comedy.  It was a series of misunderstandings, miscommunications, and bad timing.  Both of the leads were so stupidly in love with one another that they were both acting like complete morons.  “Especially when the girl is already scared to death of losing you.”

He knew the timing was bad.  He never meant to tell her the way he did, but it wasn’t something he could take back now.  “Maya, how does she feel about me?  Really?”

“Lucas, you know I can’t tell you that, but…I can tell you that you two are the biggest idiots I’ve ever met.  You would do anything for one another…even if that meant destroying your happiness.”  She softly chuckled.  “If there were ever two people meant for one another…”  When he didn’t return her smile, she rolled her eyes once more.  “Just trust me, ok?  I’m the first ex.  I know these things.”

“That’s the first wrong thing you’ve said during this entire conversation.”  When Maya knit her eyebrows together in confusion, he elaborated.  “You’re not the first ex.”  It only lasted for a few hours, but Riley Matthews would always be his first girlfriend.

Maya gave him a knowing look.  “She was never your ex anything.”

She was hung over.  She wasn’t nearly as hung over as she probably should have been given everything that she drank last night, but still, she had a horrible headache the moment she opened her eyes.  Riley still felt slightly drunk as she wandered into the kitchen, still cloaked in the shorts and tank top she went to bed in at nearly six in the morning.  She was so grateful that Maya already had breakfast waiting for her.  As she tried to eat enough to soak up the remaining alcohol in her system, she silently thanked God that she and Maya had a spa day today while the guys went golfing.  After the insanity of last night, she needed to relax.  She needed to close her eyes for a little while as she tried to process everything that happened last night.

“So, is there anything you don’t remember,” Maya asked as they laid face down on the massage tables.  She closed her eyes as the masseuse began to rub her shoulders.  She knew that she must have a lot of tension in that area.  Between the standard end-of-the-semester stuff and the soap opera she found herself in, she had also spent the last two days trying to ensure that her best friend had a memorable birthday.

Riley sighed.  She wished that she didn’t remember parts of what had happened—like that stupid kiss with Asher and her complete inability to say anything after Lucas told her that he loved her.  “No.  Unfortunately, I remember every second of last night.”  Stupid alcohol.

Maya had to chuckle at the pitiful tone in her best friend’s voice.  “Oh, poor baby.  You drink copious amounts of vodka and wake up with only a slight hangover and a crystal clear memory of the night before.”  She shook her head.  “You know…most people would kill to be able to do that.”

Riley pursed her lips.  She knew that things would probably be ten times worse if she didn’t remember what had happened, but she also would be blissfully unaware of the pile of mistakes she had made.  While she was still angry that Lucas left, she was even angrier with herself.  How could she stand there and not say anything to him?  “Most people don’t completely freeze up when the guy they’ve been in love with for almost half of their life says that they love them.”

“So, that’s what happened?”  Maya tried to act surprised, but knew she failed miserably the moment a slight giggle slipped through her lips.  ‘Up next on The Young and The Oblivious,’ she mused.  

“It’s not funny,” Riley groaned.  “I’m such an idiot.”  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she tried to get her body to relax, but she stiffened up even further as her mind refused to let her think about anything other than Lucas.  “We were outside…we were kissing—“

“Kissing, huh?”  ‘Huckleberry left that part out,’ she smirked.

Riley sighed.  “Ok…maybe it was a little more than kissing, but that’s not important.  He…he wanted me to tell him that when we sobered up…that when morning came…that we would be together.”

“What’d you say?”

“I told him that I couldn’t promise him that.”

Maya sighed.  “Riley, why did you say that?  You’ve been in love with him since the moment you met him.  I thought you wanted to be with him?”

Yeah, she wanted to be with him.  When she always thought about the future, he was always in it.  Even when he was with someone else, even though she knew that it couldn’t possibly happen, when she thought of the future, she immediately thought of Lucas.  “I do, i-i-it’s just that…”

“It’s just what?”

“He’s dated a lot of girls,” she softly answered.

Riley had spoken so softly that Maya almost didn’t hear her.  “So?  You’ve dated a lot of guys.”

“Yeah, but I’ve never…I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone.  I’m not…I haven’t…and I don’t want to be the next ex-girlfriend, you know?”

Maya shook her head.  She was going to lock them both up in one of the fifty rooms in their hotel suite as soon as possible.  One honest conversation could solve this whole stupid misunderstanding between them.  She knew that love tended to bring out the senselessness in people, but this was getting ridiculous.  “You would never be his next ‘ex’ anything, Riley.”

“I’m scared, Maya.  He’s the only guy I’ve ever…did you know that he got accepting into Texas A&M on a full scholarship?”  She still couldn’t wrap her brain around it.  His dream school.  The school that could make his dream career a reality and he turned it down.

Maya bit her bottom lip.  She didn’t know about that, but the moment she heard the words tumble out of Riley’s mouth, she knew exactly what her next question would be—and Maya already knew the answer.  “You don’t say…”

Riley cut her eyes in Maya’s direction even though she knew she couldn’t see anything other than the floor.  “You don’t seem surprised.”

“No, I am,” she insisted.  “I’m surprised he didn’t tell anyone about it.  Did he tell you last night?”

“No.  Zay told me.” Riley shook her head.  How she found out wasn’t what she wanted to discuss.  “That’s not the point.  Why would he give up something like that?  It’s his dream school, Maya.”

“Maybe it wasn’t his dream,” she offered.

“What are you talking about?”

Maya was getting ready to explode.  Could this be any more obvious?  Riley was a smart girl and Lucas was a smart guy, but both of them were completely clueless about how much the other person really cared about them.  “He wants to be a vet.  We all know this, but there are a lot of schools he could go to in order to become a vet.”

“Yeah, but he always talked about A&M…at least he did when we were in middle school.  Most of his family went there.  He wanted to continue that tradition.  I thought that he wanted to go back to Texas if he could…be a little closer to home,” her voice trailed off.  She narrowed her eyes as she thought about it.  “And A&M has one of the best veterinary programs in the country.  He got a full scholarship, Maya.  It just doesn’t make any sense.”

She closed her eyes as the masseuse dug into her shoulder.  “Makes perfect sense to me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Maybe there was something in New York that meant more to him?”

As soon as the girls came back into the suite, Riley made a beeline for the living room while Maya disappeared to their room to get ready for the evening.  She stopped mid stride when she noticed Zay on the couch.  His eyes were closed as his hands were folded across his chest.  She didn’t want to bother him if he was trying to sleep, but she needed to know where Lucas was.  “Zay?”

He opened his eyes.  “Hey,” he smiled as he sat up.  “How was the spa?  Are you all relaxed and ready for tonight?”

She nodded even though she was anything but relaxed.  “Where is he?”  She knew she was being brief, but she knew that she had to confront Lucas before she lost her nerve.

“He’s in the bedroom, but—“ He stopped mid sentence as Riley breezed by him to go into the guys’ room.  “He’s taking a shower,” Zay called out behind her.

Riley didn’t care or even think about what Zay said as she threw open the door to the guys’ room.

Lucas’s head snapped up as he reached for the towel wrapped around his abdomen.  “Riley!”

Riley’s eyes widened.  She knew she should leave and let him get dressed, but as she turned to leave, another thought came to her.  If he only had a towel on, he could only run away so far.  Surely he wouldn’t leave the suite dripping wet and only wearing a towel, right?  She bit the inside of her cheek as she closed the door behind her.  She knew her face was flushed as she turned back to him.  “Why are you mad at me?”

Lucas gripped the towel as he looked down at himself.  Could she not see that he had just gotten out of the shower?  “Do you really want to have this conversation right now?”

She couldn’t wait any longer.  If she waited, she would lose her nerve.  The conversations she had with both Zay and Maya helped her to piece it all together.  Now, she needed to know if it was true or if there was another reason for it.  “It was just a kiss.”

He shook his head.  “No, it wasn’t.”

She frowned.  “What do you mean ‘no, it wasn’t’?  I was there.  It was one kiss…and it was because of a stupid dare.”

He thought about trying to brush off everything that had happened between them, but as he looked into her eyes, he knew that he would never be able to hide his feelings from her again.  “A kiss is not just a kiss, Riley…not when it’s with you.”

She crossed her arms over her chest.  “Asher and I are friends. Good friends, but just friends.”

An image of her lips on Asher’s flashed through his mind. “Does he know that?”

“Yes,” she insisted.  “I didn’t…he didn’t…we didn’t feel anything when we…when we kissed last night.”

“Did you want to?”  He wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, but he knew he had to find out.

“I knew that I wouldn’t,” she confessed.  She knew it before Asher’s lips ever touched hers.  

His grip tightened on the towel that was still wrapped around him.  “Why’s that?”

The right corner of her lips turned up into a shy smile.  “You know why.”

Although his heart skipped at the sight of her smile, it wasn’t enough to placate him.  He needed to hear it.  He needed to know how she felt—one way or another.  “I don’t, Riley.  I don’t know how you feel.  I know how I feel.  I know how I’ve always felt…but you…I just don’t know.”

She subconsciously licked her lips as she found the nerve to ask him the question that had been at the forefront of her chaotic thoughts for the last ten hours.  “Why didn’t you go to A&M?”

“What?”

“Zay told me that you got accepted to Texas A&M…and that it came with a full scholarship.”  When he made no move to deny it, Riley felt her heart drop.  She knew that Zay would have no reason to lie about anything like that, but to have a silent confirmation from Lucas made it seem more real.  “I know that it was your dream school,” she continued.  “I know that it was where you’ve wanted to go since we were in middle school.  I know that…I know that it’s almost impossible for an out of state student to get into the doctoral program there.  Lucas, if you went there, you would already have a leg up on getting into their veterinarian program…and I know that you know that.  So, I have to ask: why did you decide to go to Columbia instead?  Why risk so much just to stay in the city?”

He was silent for a long moment as his eyes fell to the ground.  He knew that Zay was only trying to help, but that was one secret he had hoped to take with him.  He never wanted Riley to feel like she had prevented him from chasing a lifelong dream.  “I think you already know the answer.”

Riley took a shaky breath.  “Tell me.”  She had to hear it.  She had to know.

He looked up at her.  “What’s the point, Riley?  So you can push me away again?”  He ran his free hand through his damp hair.  “I didn’t go because I thought that maybe…maybe once we got out of high school, once we were out of that bubble…that you could maybe see me as someone other than your brother.”

“Lucas, I never saw you as a brother.”

“Yeah…I kinda figured that out last night.”  He paused.  “Riley, why did you tell me that?”

She clasped her hands together as she nervously shifted the weight of her feet.  “Because I thought there was something between you and Maya.  I thought that you both weren’t acting on it because of me…because you didn’t want to hurt me…so I stepped back…so that you two could be together and not feel guilty about it.”

He closed his eyes as her words resounded through years of memories.  Did that mean that every time their eyes met, he wasn’t the only one who thought that the rest of the world faded away?  Was he not alone in this?  As her words echoed through his mind once more, it felt as if he had finally been released from the ‘brother’ shackles he had been forced to wear for years.  This moment felt completely surreal.  “You kept that a secret for seven years?”

Tears slowly formed in her eyes.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I…there were so many times that I wanted to tell you, wanted to see if maybe…if maybe you had any feelings for me, but every time I tried to, something happened.  It was easier to hide in high school…I kept telling myself that you were Maya’s ex and I couldn’t have those feelings for you, but when we went to college…things changed.  I thought that maybe we could…I don’t know…but then we went to that party and…”

He took a step closer to her.  “And what?  Because I thought that maybe we…maybe we connected that night.”

She gave him a sad smile.  “I thought the same thing, but then I saw you making out with Lauren and I—“

“Riley, it wasn’t because I wasn’t…” he groaned.  “Riley, I was drunk.  I got drunk because I overheard you and Maya talking about me.”

She frowned.  “You did?”

He nodded.  “I spent like half an hour looking for you.  I finally saw you and Maya outside.  When I got close enough, I heard my name.  I heard you tell her that you didn’t like me ‘in that way’.”

Riley winced.  “That’s what happened?  Lucas, I wasn’t sure what to tell Maya because we hadn’t talked about anything.  I wasn’t sure how she would feel about it if I told her I had feelings for you.  You two did date and besides…I didn’t know how you felt…then we went inside and I saw you with Lauren, so I thought that everything was just in my head.”  She bit her bottom lip.  While learning about their misunderstanding at that party cleared up some of the reservations she had, there was still something that nagged at her.  “What about the conversation you had yesterday?”

“What conversation?”

“You told Zay that you wanted to go out and get a group of girls and bring them back here and do…whatever it was that you wanted to do.”  Even saying it made Riley want to throw up.

“You heard that?”

She nodded.  “I was coming to talk to you…to try to figure this out…and I heard you tell Zay that you wanted to have a real Vegas vacation.”  She paused.  “I didn’t stick around to get any of the details.”

“That’s why you kept pushing me away last night.”  He let out a bitter chuckle. “Riley, I only said that because I was mad.  I was frustrated that you turned me down.  I never would have…I haven’t…” he groaned.  “I’m not the guy you think I am.”

“Who are you?”

He waited a long moment before he answered her.  She wanted to have an honest conversation with him.  If they were laying all the cards on the table, it was time she knew the absolute truth about who he was.  “Do you want to know why every relationship I’ve been in has ended around the two month mark?”

She nodded.

“That’s usually when it starts to get serious…that’s when I realize that they aren’t you.  I never wanted to hurt anyone.  I didn’t…I couldn’t…I didn’t love any of them, Riley.”  He took another step closer to her.  “I couldn’t tell them something that wasn’t true and I couldn’t…I couldn’t do anything with them that I only ever wanted to do with you.”

She furrowed her eyebrows.  “What?”

His heart thundered in his chest.  “You think that I’ve slept with half of New York when the truth is that…I’ve been waiting for you.  I don’t want to have sex with anyone I’m not in love with and I’ve only ever loved one person in my life.”

She blinked several times as she listened to his confession.  She tried not to dwell on the details of his love life, but she thought for sure that he would have had sex with someone by now.  He had dated so many girls, and some of those relationships seemed pretty physical.  “You’ve never slept with anyone?”

“No.”

She looked down as a million thoughts ran through her.  He wasn’t that guy.  He was only trying to do what he thought was right.  He was, and always had been, Lucas Friar.  Although part of her was surprised by his admission, another part of her had always hoped that would be the case.

“How could I,” he went on.  “It’s always been you, Riley.  I tried to move on because I thought it was what you wanted, but I couldn’t.”

“I couldn’t either.  I tried…I tried so hard, but I…” she took a deep breath as she tried to steady her nerves.  She had to tell him, even though she was scared.  Even though she knew that she was risking everything, she knew that he deserved to know the truth.  “I love you.”

“What?”

“I do,” she nodded as tears filled her eyes.  The seven-year dam of miscommunications and misunderstandings had finally burst.  “I knew it the moment I let you go.  I thought it would fade over time…that my head would somehow convince my heart that it was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t.  Those feelings only grew.  I pushed you away because I couldn’t breathe around you anymore.  All I wanted…all I’ve ever wanted…was you.”  She swallowed.  “I haven’t…you know…either.”

“Haven’t what?”  As he took another step toward her, he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not.  She loved him?  She always loved him?

“I haven’t slept with anyone.  I feel the same way you do about it.  I…I wanted to be in love.  The problem was that I pushed the guy I loved away from me…to the point where I thought he saw me as…well…as a sibling.”

He slowly closed the space between him.  He wanted nothing more than to sweep her off her feet, but he was afraid that if he made any sudden movements, everything would fade away.  “I never saw you like that.  I-I tried to.  I wanted to be who you wanted me to be, but I couldn’t, Riley.”  He closed his eyes as she cupped his cheek in the palm of her hand.  That one simple gesture reinforced the fact that this was no dream.  “I couldn’t stop loving you…for seven years…I couldn’t.”

“Lucas, I love you.”

As her fingers lightly rubbed his cheek, he covered her hand with his.  “Say it again,” he begged as he rested his forehead against hers.  He wanted to hear it over and over again.  He had to hear it again.  It was easily the most beautiful statement he had ever heard in his life.

“I love you so much,” her voice cracked as she tried to quell the urge to cry.  She leaned back slightly as she looked into his eyes.  She couldn’t resist it anymore.  The walls between them had toppled down and she had to be close to him.  Seven years of separation had finally taken its toll on both of them.

The kiss was soft at first, barely a brush as their lips lightly grazed against one another.  Both felt a slight wave of nervousness overcome them as they were ushered into a new world.  This time there was no timer, no alcohol, nothing that could come between them.  They were able set their own rules and boundaries.

Only they were tired of having any boundaries between them.  They were tired of hiding how they felt.  They were tired of being unable to explore every avenue of the love they had for one another.

Riley smiled against his lips as he wrapped one arm around her.  His other hand still gripped the towel around his waist.  She slowly opened her mouth against his as she ran her fingers down his back.

Lucas shuddered as her fingers danced across his back.  Did she have any idea just how much of a hold she had on him?  He wanted to give her anything and everything her heart desired.  He knew that he was all in with her.  When her lips parted, his tongue slowly dipped into her mouth.

As their kiss deepened, Riley lowered her hands to the towel that was wrapped around his waist.  She rested one of her hands on top of the hand that had gripped the towel ever since she barged into his room.

Lucas pulled away from her the moment he felt her hand cover his.  He searched her eyes for a long moment.  “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life.”  Her moved her hands to the hem of her shirt.  Without a second thought and without taking her eyes off of him, she lifted her tank top over her head and tossed it to the corner of the room.  “Your move, Friar.”

His heart raced the moment she slid her shirt off.  It wasn’t just because she was nearly half naked in the room he shared with Zay, although he had to admit part of it was definitely because she was half naked.  Still though, it was more than that.  It was the look in her eye.  It was the confident tone in her voice.  It was everything about this moment.  She barged in.  She demanded answers.  She decided that they were worth trying to figure this whole mess out.  She knew what she wanted, and for some strange reason, what she wanted was him.  He thought he would be nervous if the day ever came that he would be able to show her how much he loved her, but he wasn’t.  The look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know.  He was sober.  She was sober.  And they needed to form a connection that went beyond words.

And they needed that connection now.

He quickly closed the space between them as his lips crashed onto hers once again.  Riley’s hands lowered to the towel once more.  This time, Lucas didn’t hesitate as he allowed her to unwrap the towel from his torso.

With both hands free, he was finally able to familiarize himself with every curve of her body.  He slid his lips down the column of her neck as his fingers danced along the straps of her bra.  As his lips continued their journey toward her shoulder, he hooked his fingers under her bra strap and slid it out of the way.

Riley shivered as he slid her right bra strap off her shoulder.  She tilted her head to the side as his lips slowly moved back to her neck.  Her hands gripped his back as he maneuvered them back toward the wall.  She gasped as her back hit the wall next to one of the beds.  “Lucas,” she whimpered as his fingers slowly, painfully so, slid the other bra strap down her shoulders.

Lucas ran his fingers down her arm as his other hand rested on her waist.  “Do you want me to stop,” he asked tenderly before his lips pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder.

“No,” she shook her head.  “I want your hands, your mouth, your…everything…all over me.”  She ran her hand through his hair.  “I love you.”

His hands slowly made their way to the clasp on her bra.  His lips found the little spot behind her ear that instantly made her shudder.  “I love you too,” he murmured before he unhooked her bra.  He could feel Riley’s pulse rate quicken underneath his lips as he tossed her bra to the other side of the room before his hands glided down the length of her back.  For the first time ever, there wasn’t anything in between the top half of their bodies as they embraced.

“This feels so right,” she whispered as she closed her eyes.  She kissed his shoulder as she reveled in the feeling of his skin pressed against hers.  “Well…almost.”  She moved her hands to the waistband of her shorts.

“No,” Lucas said as his hands covered hers.  When Riley looked at him in confusion, he smiled.  “Let me.”

Riley thought her heart was going to jump out of her chest when he took two steps back from her.  She took a shaky breath as her eyes slowly lowered to admire his body.  She knew what the male form looked like thanks to their ninth grade health class, several art exhibits Maya had taken her to over the years, and a few of the foreign films she watched on campus.  She knew what to expect, but as her eyes raked over him the second time, she knew that nothing could have prepared her for seeing him.  To say that Lucas Friar was built like a Greek god would be a severe understatement.  She bit her bottom lip as he knelt down in front of her.  As his eyes lifted to look into hers, she wondered what he was thinking about—if she was what he had imagined or not.

Lucas had to remind himself how to breathe as he took in the beauty of the angel who stood before him.  All he wanted to do was worship her entire existence every single second for the rest of his life.  She was even more perfect than he had ever imagined.  Every freckle, every dimple was perfectly placed as it all added up to the goddess before him.  He placed his hands on the band of her yoga shorts as he looked up at her.  When she gave him a small nod, he slowly began to slide them down her legs.

Riley placed her hand on his shoulder as she stepped out of her shorts.  She looked down at Lucas as he slowly ran his hands up the back of her legs.  As his fingers reached the band of her black lace underwear, he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her hipbone.  Riley closed her eyes as she leaned her head back.  How was it possible that a simple kiss could make her feel completely weak in the knees?

Lucas smiled against her skin as he felt several goose bumps pop up along her hip.  As his fingers hooked underneath her underwear, he kissed her hipbone once more, only this time, he casually scraped his teeth against the bone before he planted a deep open mouth kiss on her skin.  He smirked when he heard Riley softly moan in response.  He slowly tugged her underwear down as he continued to kiss along her side.

Riley knew her legs were visibly shaking as she stepped out of her underwear.  Her eyes were completely closed, and her head was tilted back as she savored every connection his lips made to her skin.

“You’re beautiful,” he said softly as his lips slowly made their way further south.  “Every square inch of you is perfect,” he continued as he finally reached the gates to the world he longed to reside in.  He ran his hand down her right leg before he lifted it over his shoulder.  He turned his head to the side as he placed a kiss against her thigh.  

Her legs quaked and he hadn’t even touched her yet.  The anticipation, the knowledge that he was about to pay homage to the most sacred place on her body was enough to send her mind reeling.  She moved her left hand behind her as she tried to find something to hold onto.  The only thing she could grip was the edge of the nightstand.  She ran her right hand through his hair as she tried to steady her already ragged breathing.

The moment she felt his tongue against her, Riley leaned her head back against the wall.  As incredible as his fingers felt last night, it didn’t compare to this.  Her mouth fell open as a soft moan escaped her.  She knew that her left leg would buckle from underneath her, and was honestly surprised that it hadn’t happened the moment his tongue slid in between her.  If she died right now, she knew that heaven couldn’t possibly be as incredible as this feeling was.

He had never done this before, so he was completely unsure if he was even doing it right, but when he heard the soft moans and sighs coming from her perfect lips, he knew that he had to be doing something right.  Encouraged by her reaction, his tongue slid up as it circled the most sensitive area of her body.

Riley sucked in her breath at the sensation.  “Lucas,” she gasped.

“Hmm?”

The vibration in his voice reverberated against her, which sent another ripple of ecstasy through her entire body.  “Lucas, I don’t want to,” she finally breathed once she was able to find her voice again.

He frowned as he slowly pulled back from her.  “You don’t want to?”

It took her another moment to catch her breath.  “I don’t want to have my first…my first orgasm…like that.”

He tilted his head to the side.  “What do you want?”

She slowly lowered her head as her eyes met his.  “I want you to be inside me.”  When he didn’t immediately say or do anything, a sense of dread filled her.  Had she completely ruined the moment?  “Please,” she nearly begged.  This couldn’t stop now.  They were close—so close.

Lucas slowly lowered her right leg before he stood up.  He would have gladly spent the next several minutes worshipping every square inch of her, but she didn’t want that.  She wanted him.  She wanted him to be inside of her.  He never thought he would ever hear those words from her, but now that he had, he knew he would gladly and eagerly acquiesce to her request.

Without saying a word, he scooped her in his arms as he walked over to his bed.  As he laid her down on top of the bed, he hovered over her.  “Are you sure,” he finally asked her as he positioned himself in between her legs.  “I know it’s going to hurt at first and I can’t stand the thought of causing you pain.”

“I’m sure,” she whispered as she pulled his face to hers.  He was really concerned about her level of pleasure right now?  Of course he was.  He was Lucas.  He always considered everyone else above himself and his feelings.  They were more alike than Riley even knew.  She didn’t think it was possible, but she was certain that she fell more in love with him in that moment.  As their lips met, Riley knew that this was perfect.  He was perfect.  They were perfect.

As they kissed, he interlaced his fingers with hers.  As she sighed into his mouth, he slowly entered her.  When she whimpered, he paused as he took a moment for her to get used to the sensation.

Riley furrowed her eyebrows as she felt the pressure from his sudden entrance.  It hurt more than she thought it would as he slowly slid into her.  She didn’t mean to vocalize her discomfort, but the moment she did, he stopped, and kissed her softly on the lips before he slowly began to kiss a trail down to her neck.

She knew she didn’t deserve this.  She didn’t deserve to be loved by him like this.  He was treating her as if she were made of glass—like she was the most precious thing in the world.  The most incredible part of all of it was that he made her believe that she was.  She knew at that moment that he really did love her.  

And he had waited all this time.  He waited for her.

Her free hand slowly roamed over his back as he continued to kiss along her neck.  She pushed down on his lower back to silently let him know that he could continue.  Without a word, he continued to slowly fill her.  Riley’s heart thundered in her chest as she desperately tried to forget the discomfort she felt.

As soon as he was fully inside of her, he lifted his head as his concerned eyes met hers.  He didn’t even think about how it felt for him because he was so focused on making this as painless as possible for her.  “Are you ok?”

Riley nearly burst into tears on the spot.  The softness in his tone, the concern etched across his face was unreal.  She nodded, too emotional to say anything.

He kissed her forehead as he gave her another moment to get used to the feeling.  When he lifted his head once more, Riley untangled her fingers from his as she placed her hands on his hips.  “I’m ready,” she finally told him as her eyes rose to meet his.

He slowly slid out of her, which incited a painful hiss from Riley.  He frowned but she gave him a small nod of encouragement as her hands gripped his hips a little tighter.  When he slid back in, she still felt some discomfort, but her heart also fluttered a little at the sensation.  When she noticed that Lucas was waiting for her to say something, to give him any sort of encouragement to continue, she gave him a small smile.  “I’m not going to break,” she insisted as she cupped the side of his face with one of her hands.  “I’m ok,” she added as she lowered his face to hers.

The only thing that encouraged him to slowly increase his speed was the feeling of her lips pressed against his, while her tongue slowly massaged his, as their bodies fused together.  Encouraged by the soft moans that escaped her lips, he began to slowly slide in and out of her.  After a few moments, his concerns about the girl under him began to fade as a wave of pleasure overcame him.  Her breathy sighs let him know that what he was doing to her was no longer painful—that she was receiving pleasure from it.

The first few times he slid into her, Riley was uncomfortable, but gradually, the pleasure from the friction overtook her.  This felt good—more than good.  How could it feel this good when it hurt so badly just a moment ago?  She nibbled on his bottom lip as his rhythm began to increase.  

Making out with Riley in the hot tub their first night in Vegas had sent him into another world.  Being able to explore her body with his fingertips last night made him feel like the luckiest man to have ever roamed the earth.  Tasting her essence gave him the chance to openly worship the woman he had dreamt about for so long.  While all of the above had led up to this earth shattering moment, he knew that this—being able to surround himself with her, to feel not just a physical connection, but an emotional and spiritual one as well—was as if heaven had cracked open up above him and entrusted him with the task of ensuring the happiness of the most precious creature to have ever walked the earth.  How fortunate was he to be able to experience one of the most sacred and cherished of acts of love with a true goddess.  Surely the divine creature underneath him wasn’t mortal.  She couldn’t possibly be.  She was his missing piece; a fact that he had suspected all along.  Nothing ever felt quite right when she wasn’t around, but now, now that they were together, everything around him felt so much more real.  He knew that he could easily become addicted to this—to her—to being anything, to being everything she needed.

Because she was already everything to him.

Riley gasped as he hit a particularly sensitive spot inside of her.  She arched her back into him as her eyes snapped shut.  “Yes,” she moaned as she tilted her head back.  “That feels so good.”

“I can tell you right now that couldn’t be nearly as good for you as it feels for me,” he murmured as he lowered his head to her neck.

She gasped again as he hit that spot once more.  “That’s not possible,” she breathed as she further arched her back to meet each thrust he delivered.

The moment she began to move underneath him, Lucas knew that it wouldn’t be long before he completely lost control.  His lips slid across her shoulder as he tried to focus on something, anything, other than the angel underneath him.

“Yes,” she whimpered as she dug her fingernails into his back.  “Lucas, please don’t stop!”

He tried to think of something other than her.  He tried to think about the starting line up of the Yankees, the time he participated in the polar plunge at Great Kills Beach last winter, and even the horrendous thought that this perfect moment with her was only a dream, but none of it worked.  It felt too good.  She felt too good.  As she begged him to keep going, he knew he had to.  He needed to hear her cry out for him.  He needed to know that he had given her some small ounce of pleasure in exchange for allowing him to enter the gates of heaven.

He increased his speed with every sound of pure ecstasy that passed through Riley’s lips.  He knew that he would do anything for her—even obliterate himself if he had to.  She was the reason for everything he had accomplished since he moved to New York.  She had taken his heart the moment they met, and now, as their bodies were one with one another, he knew that there would never be anyone else for him.

Riley moaned loudly as she felt the intense waves of euphoria flow throughout her entire body.  Her body felt completely electrified as she entered an entirely new dimension.  It was everything she had expected it to be and so much more.

The feeling of her walls caving in on him finally sent Lucas spiraling over the edge.  He buried his head in the crook of her neck as he tried to catch his breath from his own meteoric release.

[furidojasutin]

Pairing: Midmeredy (Midnight/Macbeth x Meredy)

Basic Prompt: Meredy gets forced to relive a horrible part of her past and Macbeth offers comfort.

Universe: Canon

Rating: K+/T

a/n: A commission for the lovely @mandyaguria! Thank you so much again, it really, honestly, seriously means a lot and I’m sooooo happy that you like the result djwkjfkf <3 Also I am not cetain what their official ship name is at all omg

COMMISSION INFO.

Tonight they got blessed by a starry sky, not like the night before this one. It had been the most uncomfortable night in the open since a long time and neither of them had been amused. Though who would be, honestly. Wet clothes, no shelter to be found and coldness – those were no conditions for camping but they currently had no other option.

Macbeth shifted his attention back to the fire, the flames softly cackling and creating the only sound that could be heard right now. It was his turn to keep guard and even though neither of them really assumed that anything was going to happen tonight they took this task seriously. They were capable mages, very capable mages, but a surprise attack was still not something they were willing to deal with if it could be avoided.

They had almost reached their destination, currently seeking for a particular group of criminals. Jellal had led the way as he tended to do and every nowand then Macbeth and Erik had obviously and quite bluntly voiced their doubts. Were they really going into the right direction? Erik, as a dragon slayer, with his enhanced senses had attempted to convince Jellal otherwise but the blue-haired man seemed certain of his decision.

Tchz. If he led them into the wrong direction then he'd certainly get to hear something from not only him and Erik but also the rest. Most likely.

Macbeth crossed his arms, observing the quite soothing play of the fire for some more moments before he closed his eyes. Not because he was tired but just to relax. He possessed some quite good senses as well so he could allow himself to rely on his hearing only for a short while and closing his eyes. It was simple but this position always granted him some kind of relaxation.

He could impossibly know that this was the very moment someone close to him got dragged deeper into the cruel world created by a nightmare.

Meredy knitted her brows in her sleep that was deep still but not pleasant or energizing anymore. Her lower lip twitched indicating that something was stressing her out and the reason would soon become clear.

Everything around her was burning down, large deadly flames mercilessly eating up every single thing and being surrounding her. It was like a fiery demon with an unmistakable desire to kill everything in its way and she could feel her green eyes widen, her body freeze.

But she was unable to move. Her feet didn't listen to what she tried to tell them so desperately, each of her screams dying in her throat. Death. It was death and destruction everywhere she looked, even within herself.

“No...,” she whimpered, began to toss and turn lightly where she was lying on grass not all too far away from where their fire was still alight but peacefully so unlike the one in the awful nightmare she was experiencing.

'Not again. Please, please I beg you,' she thought as still no words managed to slip past her dry lips. Nothing seemed to help, nobody seemed to hear or see her. Where were they? They had to be alive! Please let them be alive! She could impossibly lose the ones she loved the most a second time. She wouldn't be able to bear it. She'd already lost Ultear. She couldn't lose them, too!

It was the day she lost her parents and her hometown all over again. She had been so young but the same feeling was clutching her, the same fears. She felt so left alone and helpless as all she could do was to watch how everything around her burnt down, with no sight of her friends and she felt how her knees began to give in beneath her.

Why? Why was this happening?

Her body was shaking and tears had begun to escape her yet closed eyes trickling across her cheeks. Another begging whimper could be heard and her breathing hitched just as though something had just hit her.

That was when Macbeth opened his eyes and turned his head in silent alarm. He had taken note of the silent sounds coming from the pinkette. At first he hadn't paid attention to her tossing in her sleep but as soon as it became obvious that something was not right he had begun to focus his attention on her entirely and the sound she just released was what finally caused him to go look.

He had known Meredy for some time know and often he and Erik pretended that her carefree attitude annoyed them while in reality it could be refreshing. That, and they both knew that there was more about her. He didn't know many details of her past but he knew enough to know that she too had gone through quite some difficult situations, and that she had been part of a dark guild much like himself. She was so much more than just this cheerful side of her.

Now seeing her so unsettled and crying stirred something in him and after another moment he decided to stand up and walk over to her. Perhaps it was because he knew how it was to experience nightmares frequently... and perhaps it was also because he was, in fact, no uncaring asshole even though some of them liked to claim that they were such sometimes. And perhaps... No, that was for another time to ponder on.

His brows knitting further. He carefully placed a hand on her shoulder to test how she would react to a touch and it turned out that it had been the right decision because once his palm came into contact with her she shot up as if struck by lightning. “NO!”

Meredy's chest was heaving and lowering like crazy, her tear-strained eyes wide with absolute horror and her hands trembling. Macbeth was looking squarely into her eyes and the sheer fear he was facing almost hurt him. Never before had he seen her like this.

All the two mages did for a couple of heartbeats was to focus each other. It seemed as if the female still had to register that she was back in the here and now, the only fire that was cackling around her being the small one they had lit together before the nightfall. And most importantly; she was not alone.

Averting her eyes she glanced around needing to check that everything was alright herself. Everyone was still here... including herself and when she looked back at Macbeth who still hadn't looked away she suddenly felt the need to hunch up. Her right hand lifted to brush across her cheeks and she sniffled silently, holding her gaze lowered now. She felt foolish even though she knew that there was no reason for it.

“You were dreaming.” It was Macbeth who broke the silence and he did it calmly. He was eyeing her, his features still rather stern but there was something soothing in his voice.

For how long had he been watching her? For how long had she been stuck in this nightmare? What time was it? She felt weirdly exhausted but at least her breathing had begun to calm down a little. Still, the horror and the heartache this nightmare brought along... It would last for a while and she knew it.

“Did I wake you up?” Meredy dared to reply at last. Her voice was still shaky and she hated it though didn't start any attempt to hide it or ignore what just happened either.

“No. I'm on guard.”

“Oh...” She brushed her nose with the back of her hand and then pulled up her knees wrapping her arms around them to hold them close. Her eyes were stinging still and she was trying so desperately not to think about the images printed into her mind. No, worse. It wasn't just images. There were memories also, and right now they were as vivid as ever. “I'm sorry...”

“For what?” His reply came without any hesitation. He couldn't hold back the tiny hint of judgment that lingered in his voice but it was only because she was being ridiculous. Apologizing for a nightmare? He knew what hell that could be and he didn't like to admit it, no he despised it, but it was the truth. Nightmares may not be real but they sure as hell caused very real pain and emotions and not the ones of the positive kind.

Meredy fell silent and once again she lowered her gaze under his intense look. There was something in his eyes she had never quite seen before but she didn't have the nerve to think about it any further. Instead she rested her chin on top of her knees emitting a shaky sigh. Of course, yes, he was right. There was not really something for her to apologize for. She just wasn't sure how to handle the current situation.

Knowing that she wouldn't be able to sleep again now didn't make it any better. Meredy looked at Macbeth out of the corner of her eyes. It would most likely offer some comfort knowing that he was here with her but she could impossibly ask this of him. Or could she? No. No, no. “I think I'm fine now. Thank you for looking after me.” It meant a lot. In fact it meant more than she or he were realizing right now.

The man nodded in return and looked her over. He doubted that she was fine though, seeing how her hands were still shaking slightly, but he wouldn't straight out voice this thought of his. What he also didn't say was that he took it for granted to look after her, that this is how it should be. Was it not? Instead Macbeth shifted his position and sat down next to her, eyes averted as he spoke. “I'm staying here with you.” Observing how unsettled she had been, how her eyes were still slightly red from her tears had affected him though he tried his best not to show it. He wanted to be here for her even if there was not a lot he could do. If this was what he could do though then he would.

Meredy ended up blinking, genuinely surprised by his words. He wanted to stay with her? “You really don't have to.” For a moment she even managed to forget her weak voice and her occasional sniffles, glancing up at him just to see that he had turned his head away from her. She had no idea why but it drew a very faint smile from her, the steadiest one she could manage after having gone through such a nightmare.

“Thank you...”

“You should really stop thanking me for nothing,” he retorted and finally, slowly turned his head back. When he did so he caught the glimpse of her smile before it vanished and he crossed his legs and arms falling into one of his most common postures. Yes, he would stay and watch over her while he was keeping guard anyway.

“I'm... just gonna try to curl up again then.” Meredy didn't dare to say that she was going to get more rest but she laid back down after getting another nod from her comrade and friend. His care had made her heart swell with warmth in this cold situation and when she closed her eyes she found the image of his face in her mind and decided that she would try to focus on it instead of the horrors she had gone through in her nightmare.

She truly didn't think that she would manage to fall asleep again... let alone receive peaceful rest. But eventually she did, lying curled up against the male.

Perhaps it was because of his attentive gaze as he watched over her. Perhaps it was because of the cautious, hesitant hand of his that dared to tread its fingers through her pink locks every time he felt her move a little, concerned that she would get dragged into a new nightmare and trying to soother her.

But whatever it was, she was certain that it had to do with him and she was so very grateful for it.