#and without a doubt he accepts dazai for who he is. considers him good without question

[hesbianyaoi]

Go talk about Dazai and Atsushi. I don't care if it's dangerous. I don't care if you will straight up kill me. I WANNA HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS

you are opening up such a dangerous can of worms. unfortunately they take up 98% of my brain space when i think of bsd so i have no many thoughts about them. their relationship is everything to me – genuine trust in one another's abilities while still goofing off and playing around, atsushi's desire to do anything to protect dazai and viewing him as perfect (although this is immediately met with "no he isn't he kinda sucks actually") alongside how to dazai, atsushi is redemption and a promise to keep to a certain friend long gone.

(this is from the Dead Apple light novel) this specifically drives me insane every time. they love each other! okay!!

i would also talk about their relationship in BEAST but i think that's an entire other can of worms to open because it's so complicated but i would also argue there is still genuine care for one another (mostly on dazai's part, since he has the upper hand here because of course he does, he's dazai) which is obvious in how he basically freed atsushi before his suicide and how he wanted atsushi to live in the light. i'm not normal about BEAST though i promise

[monoxiid]

I also want to say I really love your writing! 💗💗

it makes me really happy that you like my writing, thank you very much for the compliment! love with professionalism ♡

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 : dating hdcs ⌕

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 : Itoshi Sae (blue lock) ⌕

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: a bit of angst, mainly fluff ⌕

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐄̀𝐌𝐄 𝐃𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄: how would itoshi sae act in a relationship with you? ⌕

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: mistakes, as always, gn reader ⌕

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐇𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐁𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐎: not me realizing that I deleted your request with my clumsy fingers <3 ⌕

⠀‘ ℐ𝓉ℴ𝓈𝒽𝒾 𝒮𝒶ℯ ’ :

┃𝒩ℴ𝓉 having a good esteem for romantic feelings himself, which could only slow him down in his impetus as an accomplished future footballer, you must have really caught his eye. and even then, even though Sae assumes he maybe has feelings toward you, he would have tried to ignore them, in vain

( and because u r bby. look, they're bby, aren't they, sae? ^^ 🔪)

┃𝒪𝒷𝓋𝒾ℴ𝓊𝓈𝓁𝓎, proud as he is, he won't take a step without being sure that you love him too. if you're confident enough to declare yourself to him, he will tease you until death follows. however, if you are shy, he will quickly come to understand that you love him, because he is very good at reading people, sometimes to his utter despair. one thing to remember, in both cases, you will get teased. and Sae won't be the type to be shy if you flirt back <3

❝ you like me and i do. what about dating? ❞

┃ℋℯ probably doesn't take the initiative to be affectionate with you and will make you feel a bit touch starved, but if you mention it ... *insert surprised pikachu face*. and a second later he will be clingy. if you get shy because of it he'll wear that smug smile like nothing happened and that everything was fine.

❝ wasn't that what you wanted? ❞ :P

┃𝒲ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 care if you ever mentioned wanting to meet his brother.

❝ Why do you want to see him anyway? Is it important? ❞

as if it wasn't a member of his family he was talking about. he'd be a little jealous, tho- why would you want to meet Rin if you had him, anyway?

┃Rich emo boi™

ℋℯ may seem indifferent to everything, Sae is more than aware of his surroundings, even more when it comes to you. he sees the looks you throw in this plushies shop, your distraught look when you see all these shiny and pure jewels. and tomorrow you will have them in a box, called by your boyfriend "stuff he saw on the way". 🤡

Oh and, no refusals accepted. you take this.

┃ℛℯℊ𝒶𝓇𝒹𝒾𝓃ℊ the PDA, he has a reputation to uphold and he doesn't want your privacy to be screwed up. he knows how toxic fans can be. you go out as little as possible and discreetly hold hands, but nothing more. dates consist mainly of him hanging out at your place or vice versa.

┃ℐ𝓉 's funny how in private Sae gets a lot less serious. totally the type to criticize movies, go through your stuff for a distraction, to snuggle up against your neck or your chest, chatting incomprehensible bullshit because fatigue consumes him.

┃👏let👏you👏borrow👏his👏sweaters👏

it makes him dizzy to see you relaxing in his own piece of clothing, too big for you, telling him you like it because it smells like him. the scent of perfumes that weren't bought just for their price, neglecting the smell itself ( it surely doesn't have to cost a little tho)

┃𝒫𝒶𝒿𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓈 party? pajama parties.

Sae is ✨ totally✨ the type to come to your house at catastrophic hours because he was 'in the mood' or something. you will let him in because he would be fucking ready to break your door 🤠

┃𝒯ℴ𝓍𝒾𝒸 trait: he knows the code of your phone and sometimes has no notion of private space, looking at it as if it were his own. you will ask him why he was slightly pouting and he will answer :

❝ Why don't ask to that Dazai instead? Considering what's in your gallery, you seem to like him quite a bit! ❞

┃Follow This Advice Absolutely: bother him about his jealousy towards fictional characters for whom you are a simp.

(sorry for the reminder that must hurt)

┃ℐ𝓃 order to compensate for this trait, he will not hide anything from you and if he has the motivation, will answer all your questions without thinking about it. but if you ask him too much, he will be suspicious.

❝ Are you doubting me or something? ❞

┃ℋℯ doesn't care if you play football or not. as long as you cheer him up, that's all he needs to win his games and be proud of him, because he knows you will jump in his arms reminding him of this wonderful action he did.

┃ℬ𝓊𝓉 of course, while you are in (insert your country of origin), you are in a long-distance relationship. it won't be a problem, he will call you, inquiring about the time difference between your position and his, being careful to give you your precious sleep, in Face Time, of course, because he wants to see you. but don't count on him to play this ridiculous game of 'who hang up the phone?', he will do for for you.

┃𝒮𝒶ℯ is a bit of an intrusive, shit eater, a spendthrift when it comes to you and even clueless when it comes to how to behave gently, but you can see he's a lot better than what you thought, and will always pay attention to you, even if it means to question himself. he always thought love was tiresome and now he was just tired of waiting to see you again.

[dazaii-sann]

DAZAI x CHUUYA FANFICTION: ONE-SHOT [LOVE OR GUILT]

Blue.

Brown.

Green.

Yellow.

Orange.

Varied colors blended with each other like a 24-color palette. The wind blew from the west, causing the nearby tree leaves to dance along with the non-existent beat. The blue, clear water rampaged in silence, creating an almost seemingly soft serenade. A huge shining orb in the distance was split in half, projecting its reflection on the calm, unmoving water from below.

The whole place is quiet as if every single living soul had already vacated the area.

Well, not quite.

Two figures stood beneath a tree's shadow, taking refuge and solace after a whole day of struggles. The calm, light afternoon breeze soothe their souls as they look at the orange-painted sky.

Silence ensues but for them, it's what they need.

The quiet rage of the sea.

The hushing sound of overlapping leaves.

The way the remaining rays of the dusk kiss their flesh.

The sound of their even breathing.

Sounds romantic, right?

It is, except for one thing.

Everything, everything seems to retain its brilliance but something decided to exclude itself from that small band of glow.

A redhead's eyes… It's empty. The very exact opposite to his surrounding's radiance.

Meanwhile, the brunet beside him stood still, unmoving, as if he's already accustomed to that kind of scenario.

But is he?

No. Definitely not. Not in a million years.

Seeing his ex-partner like that made his knees wobble. All the remaining courage in his body had left him that even panning his head to Chuuya became an impossible task.

The guilt is slowly consuming him, pulling him into a world far more hellish than hell itself.

They stayed like that for a while, the stillness of the setting sun completely vanished into existence and was dethroned by a huge dark blanket covered with stars. The moon is in its crescent form, seems incomplete but whole all the same.

The coldness of the night embraced the two up to their bones, causing them to shiver.

"It's getting cold, Chuuya. Let's go inside?" The brunet proposed without looking at Chuuya.

He can't. Or maybe he actually can, but he chose not to.

Chuuya nods his head slightly and Dazai saw that movement from his eyes' corners.

Dazai's feet move in front of Chuuya's rear. With a slight push, the wheels on Chuuya's seat were sent into motion, carrying Chuuya's body along with it. Trails of the redhead's wheelchair and the brunet's footprints were engraved in the shore's sand and were immediately erased by the wave's arrival.

In just a few minutes, they reached a small house built near the shore. From its size, one can conclude that its interior can only shelter two people at once.

Upon entering the house, Dazai turned on the lights that he closed before going outside with Chuuya this afternoon. It has a simple structure. A kitchen, two couches and a table in between them, the comfort room, and a shared bedroom.

Dazai carefully lifts Chuuya's body and transfer it to one of the couches.

"You're so light, Chuuya~ Am I not feeding you well?" Dazai tried to annoy Chuuya like he used to back in the days but the redhead's expressions didn't even change. Not even a single move in his facial muscles. The brunet knew from the very start, that he could no longer hear Chuuya's annoyed response coming from his own mouth but he's still hoping, hoping that he could still hear Chuuya's voice one more time.

Chuuya's just like a lump of flesh without a soul inside of it. It is said that the soul is the trigger of an ability.

Maybe that's the exact reason why Chuuya lost his.

Ah no… There's no one to be blamed but Dazai.

Or at least, that's what he thought.

After moving Chuuya in a comfortable position, Dazai left him and went straight to the kitchen.

Dazai was a bad cook. Everyone must ready their pitiful stomach before taking in Dazai's food. Not only that but for the aftermath (puking included). But who would eat those kinds of stuff (can't consider them as "food") in the first place?

Everything changed when he started to live and take care of Chuuya over the past 3 years. He learned how to prepare varied homemade viands. Well, he doesn't want the redhead to eat canned goods every single day!

Dazai turned on the flame and let the ingredients fly and land on the pan's heated surface. He hummed a familiar tune, hoping that Chuuya might remember its tune but to no avail.

Dazai arranged the food into a plate and went to the redhead, utensils in his other hand.

Without a word, he scooped a spoonful and brought it closer to Chuuya's mouth.

"Say ah~"

If anyone could see this kind of scenario, the brunet looks like he's feeding a 3-month old baby.

"Well, he's indeed a baby," Dazai said at the back of his mind while moving the spoon back and forth.

After that dinner, Dazai once again carried Chuuya to their bed. It's not that big, but not too small. Just enough for the two of them.

Dazai then wrapped his arms around Chuuya's body. To give him warmth, a human's warmth to liberate the coldness of the night.

With the brunet's slender arms encircled around the redhead's body, and Chuuya's head leaning against Dazai's shoulder, they fall asleep.

Almost at the same time.

 ***

 For three years, the very same sequence of events happened.

Watching the sunrise and sunset together.

Helping him to eat his own food.

And then finally, cradling each other until they got consumed by the God of Sleep.

Have they grown tired of it, especially Dazai?

Even he doesn't know the answer. He was known as the Demon Prodigy of the Port Mafia, someone who can see through everything. But why can't his superior, almost inhumane mind comprehend this feeling of longing?

Longing for what?

Is it for the return of his ex-partner's glory or the longing to return to his old life?

Maybe, but maybe not.

Dazai thought that the same exact happenings will happen again for today, and the days after that.

But he's wrong.

On with their usual routine, they watch the sun's tiny movement, trying to pull itself up higher in the sky as if it's trying to assert dominance and power. Somehow, the sunrise resembles Dazai every time he rose to bed, struggling his way up like he was being pulled down by the Earth's gravity. To make it less fancy, he's just simply lazy.

"C-chuuya… Is that you?"

Dazai froze, literally.

T-that voice…

Dazai panned his head to where the sound originated.

"A-ane…san…"

Kouyou smiled, but there's hidden remorse in it. The intensity of her eyes changed the moment it landed on Chuuya's frail body.

She looked away and face the brunet once more.

"It's been a while, demon."

 ***

 "So… You're still taking care of him?" Kouyou sat in one of the couches inside of their house.

"Mm…" A simple nod is the only response that he could offer. He's not in the right mood to entertain a conversation right now, especially to those with whom he had ties.

Despite his seemingly uninterested remarks, he's still on the lookout. Who knows? Kouyou might try to do something funny. As for Chuuya, he doubts that this woman will do such a thing.

"I see… I see…" At the same time, a mocking laugh escaped out of her lips. Dazai, on the other hand, painted confusion throughout his face.

"It's all your fault anyway. You've got to clean your own mess and atone with what you had done."

Dazai clenched his fist as tightly as he could.

"Why are you still taking care of him?"

Dazai's lips went agape, trying to utter a word or two but failed miserably.

Why then? What keeps him from escaping and leaving Chuuya behind?

He doesn't know.

"I…"

"Do you love him?" Kouyou's question streak kept on bugging Dazai's feelings.

Dazai's so sure of that fact not until Kouyou retorted once more.

"Or is it because of guilt?"

Guilt, huh?

The brunet said no more and silence governed the two of them.

"Now demon… Which one is it?"

 ***

 Darkness… Just pure darkness…

Or at least, that's what Chuuya sees.

He can't feel anything, nor grasp reality. He's just there, floating in the middle of nothingness. But amidst that abyss, he can feel his bones cracking, his body collapsing, and his blood leaking out of his system. The pain must be immeasurable and unbearable but none of those physical pains can equal his suffering.

He hates the dark, the emptiness because it always made him feel alone.

He can hear a huge crowd of people screaming at the top of their lungs as if their lives are in danger of death.

Yes, that's actually the case.

They're fleeing, away from the young boy in the middle of that immense object and that enemy he's battling against.

Their abilities clashed and the fiery battle caused a deal of damage to the establishments and facilities in the city, but Chuuya came out victorious. Yokohama is safe once again. The civilians already evacuated, thus no casualties recorded.

Everything's fine now.

But Chuuya's still not.

He's on his limit, and his rampage will continue up to the end of his life.

He had already accepted his fate, that corruption will disappear along with his existence but a bandaged hand tamed him.

But it's already late.

Chuuya got hospitalized after that. His life was saved, but his nervous system was badly affected.

Dazai couldn't help but blame himself. He was doing a lot of paper works at the armed detective agency's office (forced by Kunikida of course) but the unexpected foe barged its way to Yokohoma without even knocking.

That's why he's late to arrive at the scene.

Why did Chuuya activate his corrupted form without him?

He's such an idiot, an utter idiot…

But he's far worse than that.

 ***

 "Chuuya~ Let's go outside?" Dazai asked his ex-partner but the latter shook his head weakly, much to the former's surprise. It's the first time Chuuya declined his invitation.

Instead of going outside, Chuuya points his finger to their room's direction, by which, Dazai understood and followed. Maybe Chuuya is just sick of watching the sun's routinary motion every day or he just wants to rest.

To ease his boredom, Dazai cooked for their supper, but a creaking sound came out from Chuuya's location.

Dazai dropped the spatula in hand and sprinted to their bedroom only to find Chuuya scribbling something on a small piece of paper. Because of his malfunctioning muscles, the pen he used created a noise as it dropped on the floor.

"Chuuya? What are you doi-" Dazai is stopped dead in his tracks the moment he saw the letters inscribed on his paper. Beside the redhead is a small calendar with eighteen days crossed out for the month of June.

Today's June 19. Dazai's birthday.

"Ha…" Chuuya struggled to say something with his shivering and shaky voice. "Ha…ppy bir-th-da…y, sh-itt…y mac…ke-rel."

Dazai's heart starts to pound harder as if it wants to leap out of his ribcage. His head feels so fuzzy, but light at the time.

What's this feeling…?

Sadness?

Happiness?

Longing?

But Dazai knew that it's more than that.

"Now demon… Which one is it?"

"Ane-san… I already know the answer." He said at the back of his mind before embracing the redhead. He leaned closer to the former executive's ear and whispered, "Thank you, chibi."

Chuuya might not be able to restore his condition the way it once was but for Dazai, that doesn't matter now.

Whether Chuuya the petite mafia executive who kept on bickering with him back in the days or the Chuuya who's struggling to write a single sentence of greeting over a sheet of paper… Dazai's always fond of him, whatever the version.

And that will not change until the end of time.

-END-

[pumpkinpatchkid]

Got Your Back - 002

Pairing: Atsushi x F!Reader soulmate au

Rating: 18+

Warnings: toxic thoughts, parental abuse, self-doubt/confidence issues

And that’s how you found yourself sat in an unfamiliar office, your clothing half burnt off and wrapped in Dazai’s large, beige overcoat. You watched the older gentleman sat across from you at his desk, with the blonde and Dazai accompanying him. The blonde man was watching you, stoic faced, his only movements since you entered the office was to either push up his glasses or check his watch. Dazai on the other hand, kept peering over the notes on the desk, and grinning to himself. Occasionally though, he’d hum a tune to himself that you’d never heard before.

 “So,” the man sat in-front of you started after clearing his throat. “I’ll start with introductions. This here, is Kunikida,” he motioned to the blonde.

 “I’m aware you’ve already met Dazai,” he continued, gesturing to the eccentric brunette you’d only met an hour ago. “And my name is Fukuzawa. I’m in charge of this group of misfits.” He said, offering you a warm smile. You nodded, subconsciously pulling Dazai’s coat tighter around you.

 “Y/N L/N.” You spoke quietly to fill the silence. Fukuzawa nodded and wrote something down on the notes in front of him.

 “And how old are you, L/N?” He asked, not looking up from the papers.

 What month are we in? August? Yeah, that’s about right, hard to keep track when you can’t afford a calendar, or keep your phone charged for half a day.

 “I’m uh… I’m eighteen… Next month, the 20th…” You replied and looked down. Surely your age would rouse suspicion within the group. Surely enough, Kunikida looked at you as he cocked his eyebrow, but said nothing. You felt a blush creep onto your cheeks under his stern gaze. Fukuzawa hummed and wrote down the new information.

 “And Dazai told me you were searching for a job?” He asked, finally looking back up at you. You simply nodded, unsure of what to tell him. He nodded in return before straightening up in his chair.

 “I’m correct in assuming you have a gift, L/N? A supernatural ability?” Fukuzawa asked with caution in his voice. Your eyes widened. Nobody had ever spoken so openly about your… nature before. Not like this. Not without poison, or malice. Not just out of curiosity.

 “That’s not exactly how my parents described it, but sure… I have a…. gift,” you muttered sheepishly, tugging at the singed fabric of your ruined favourite jeans. Fukuzawa hummed in approval, almost as if he understood your predicament without having to ask.

 “Well that’s what we call them here. Our organisation is the Armed Detective Agency. We’re run to help the police and government protect Yokohama from people out of their range of capability.” He explained, gauging your reaction.

 You sat there in utter disbelief. You had been told you were a monster by everyone surrounding you in your old life. You were nothing but a freak, a monstrosity to them. But here you could not only be useful, but a good person? You head spun.

 This has to be a fever dream or something surely.

 With your silence, Fukuzawa sighed softly. He opened his mouth to say something and stopped when you shifted in your seat.

 “I’m sorry, Fukuzawa, sir, but I really don’t understand what any of this has to do with me?” You said, or more asked. You scratched the back of your neck sheepishly, afraid you’d spoken out of line, only to be answered by Dazai giggling. Both Fukuzawa and Kunikida shot him a stern look, and he simmered down fairly quickly, the odd snicker still falling from his lips. The silver haired man then turned his attention fully back to you.

 “We usually conduct an entry exam. This is an intense and stressful situation, although harmless, to bring out the best in people. It’s designed to show us who would be capable of giving their life for others if the situation arises. However, due to the circumstances that brought you here today, I believe you would have passed our exam. Dazai also believes so, as he was the one to inform me of your actions.” Fukuzawa flashed you another half-smile. You could only sit there in shock.

 This is NOT happening right now.

 “I-“ you started.

 “We’d like to take you in, Y/N! We want you as part of the Agency! Come on, what do ya say?” Dazai sang, moving from behind Fukuzawa to wrap his arm over your shoulders, shaking you slightly.

 You were about to gladly accept, until the memories came back to haunt you. The worst timing.

 ‘You’re nothing but a monster!’ Smack. Your father had screamed and hit you again.  ‘You’re disgusting! You should die in a hole!’ Smash. Your mother had thrown her favourite vase at you, missing your face by inches. ‘Nobody will want you! You’ll end up in jail for being a disgrace to this earth!’ ‘We’d all be better off without you alive!’ They had both hurled insults, beatings and objects at you until the sun had risen.

 You snapped out of your memories with a harsh flinch and glanced up at Dazai.

 “I-I’m not sure… I just… Is it really true?... Can I be a good person, even as a monster?” You trailed off into a whisper, tears welling in your eyes as you looked at your lap.

 A soft hand with slender fingers cupped your chin, and through blurry eyes, you could only just make out Dazai, who was now crouched in front of you.

 “Hey, I get it… I promise I do. But even monsters have a chance to be good people. You do too, and I can also promise it’ll make your life a little more beautiful.” He spoke softly, wiping away a few stray tears that trailed down your face. You were in awe – the man who was an eccentric, loud and slightly strange character when you first met him only hours ago, was now giving you some of the most motivational words you’d ever heard.

 You sucked in a large breath and steadied your whirring mind. You closed your eyes for a moment, letting your thoughts dissipate before looking at Fukuzawa.

 “Okay. I’d like to accept your offer, Sir.” You said with a half smile. While Dazai returned to his odd self, whooping and dancing around the room, and Kunikida checked his watch again for what seemed like the hundredth time, Fukuzawa nodded, scribbling some more. Dazai threw an arm around you and pulled you into his side, a large smile plastered on his face.

 “Welcome to the Agency, Y/N!” He sang, twirling with you. You felt your cheeks heat up immediately, and you couldn’t help but let a giggle slip from your lips.

 “You’re so obnoxious, Dazai.” A deep voice piped up. You looked up to see that it was Kunikida who had spoken for the first time since you met him. His face was stern as he stared at the brunette prancing around you, but you noticed the look of fondness in his eyes. Fukuzawa stood from his position, and you looked up at him as he approached you.

 Are they all this tall?... You wondered. With a slight bow, he handed you a small piece of paper – a cheque with a sum that made your eyes bulge from your head a little. You’d never been allowed to get a job due to your parents’ fears of your ability being found out – and they had only given you small amounts to keep you alive.

 “I-I uh… Thank you so much…” You stuttered, still processing the amount in your shaking hand.

 I’m certainly not going to worry about money now… A smile crept up onto your face.

 “Consider it your first pay-check. Since my schedule isn’t fully booked today, I’ll be the one introducing you to the rest of our members.” Fukuzawa nodded and led you to the door of his office, where you could now here muffled voices and rustling behind it.

 I suppose they must have just arrived at work.

 A bubble of anxiety brewed in your stomach when a large hand patted at your shoulder. You looked up at Fukuzawa once more.

 “They may look like a strange bunch, but they’ll become your family sooner than you think.” He finished with opening the door to the main part of the office.

 Kunikida immediately returned to what was presumably his desk, muttering something about having to get back on schedule, pushing his glasses up and huffing.

 Fukuzawa cleared his throat, and everyone, except Kunikida turned their attention to him, and you, the new girl.

 “Everybody, this is Y/N, our new recruit. She’ll be working close with you all, do please take care of her.” Fukuzawa asked – or more instructed politely. At that moment, Fukuzawa’s phone started ringing. He sent a silent apology in your general direction and gestured for Dazai to take over, and with that he was by your side again.

 “That’s Yosano,” Dazai pointed to a young woman with a short black hair style, legs crossed over one another, as she read today’s paper. She looked up and smiled, before returning to her paper.

 “Kenji.” He pointed to a shorter blond boy in dungarees with a smile as bright as the sun. He waved to you with the hand that wasn’t occupied by a watering can, before turning to tend to the plants on the windowsill once more.

 “We have Kyoka” A short, teenage girl with long dark hair and big eyes pulled her attention away from assisting Kenji and have a short wave before going back to her duties.

 “We have the siblings, Naomi and Junichiro Tanizaki.” He pointed to an older teenage girl sitting at a computer, maybe high school age, sitting next to a sweet looking ginger male, who’s sweater sleeves covered his hands. They both offered quick ‘hellos’ and smiles before working once again.

 “And the young lady with the pretty face and brown hair that you saw at the entrance of the building was Haruno. She’s our secretary.

And that’s everyon- wait. Where are Atsushi and Rampo?!” Dazai cried dramatically.

 “Rampo wanted snacks and dragged Atsushi with him for help. You know how Rampo is getting about.” Yosano spoke without looking up from the paper as she turned the page. Dazai flopped against your shoulder, sighing into the crook of your neck. You patted his head awkwardly, sure that you’d have to get used to his affection quickly otherwise things could get uncomfortable.

 “I suppose you’ll have to meet Rampo and Atsushi some other time. Give me your number and I’ll walk with you tomorrow.” He sprung up again. You chuckled softly at his antics and added your number to Dazai’s phone. As he led you to the door, Dazai flashed you the charming smile he introduced himself with.

 “Can you find your way home from here?” Dazai asked, leaning against the door frame.

 “I can, thank you. Would you uh��� Like this back?” You gestured to Dazai’s over coat still draped around your shoulders. He grinned.

 “Keep it until you get yourself some new clothes. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He blew you a kiss as you entered the hallway and you laughed, calling your goodbyes to the rest of the team, waving to Dazai as you walked off. As you got to the main entrance of the building, a young man, dressed in brown, a paper boy hat and glasses bumped into you. He looked lost.

 “My apologies, are you alright?” You bowed slightly. He looked up at the building, then at you and cocked an eyebrow.

 “I’m fine, thank you, Miss. I’m just waiting for a friend.” He dismissed you with the wave of a hand. You smiled and nodded before making your way through the streets to return to your shack – which seemed warmer and more welcoming than when you’d left it this morning.

 Rampo and Atsushi. I wonder what they’re like. You hummed to yourself as the names of the two missing members settled in your mind, smiling to yourself. You shrugged off Dazai’s coat and laid it over the arm of your small sofa, and traced your fingers over it lightly, his words coming to the forefront of your memories, making your heart swell with hope.

 It’ll make your life a little more beautiful…

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 5: One’s desires (Part 5)

Warnings: PTSD (kind of?)

Author notes: when you’ll read that part, you’ll hopefully smile and think “that’s good”. Let’s see each other in chapter 6! You’ll hate me then...

A scream, like none other, pierced the silence of the room. My chest was burning, heavily rising as I panted, and my cheeks were wet with tears. It took me a moment to realise the scream was mine, and when finally I got a grip onto the muscles of my vocal chords, I made it stop. When footsteps rushed to the side of the bed, I could not determine who it was, and stayed, curled up like a ball, upset and shaking onto the bed, my upper body making rocking-like motions to vainly attempt to calm myself down. I was sobbing, without being able to stop, and I could not hear what the person was saying.

The nightmare had seemed so real... How had I even woken up...? I thought I would never be able to get out... I was trapped in my own mind, fighting against imaginary enemies, tormented by a fake Dazai-san who had seemed so real, thrown away again by the parents who had never loved me. Lastly, I had been killed, pushed in a pit of darkness, and I had fallen, fallen, fallen, endlessly, until I could finally open my eyes. I felt completely broken. And none of that would have served any purpose.

Another person came, hurriedly, and took me in their arms. They rubbed my back soothingly and whispered comforting words in my ears. After a while, I was able to perceive sentences.

"It is over... You are back among us... It is over, Ogawa-san..."

It was the nurse. I held onto her like dear life and buried my face into her shoulder, reassured by her presence alone.

"I was so scared..." I confessed "I could not come out... I thought I would die for real..."

"It's over now..." She repeated, slowly.

When my hiccups stopped, I was greatly embarrassed by the position I was in, and quickly pulled away from her, ashamed she had witnessed a sight I could not be proud of.

"I-I'm sorry..." I murmured, staring at the folds of the blanket "That wasn't very proper from me..."

"I don't mind." She patted my head gently "It is also my duty to comfort my patients..."

"What happened...?" I frowned, remembering the events of the evening "What's the day...?"

"The moment you succumbed to Q's ability, a mark appeared on your face and you started attacking the guest. However, you stopped right before hurting one and, instead, fell to the ground, holding your head, and... Writhed. In agony." She told me "I was there, too... Nakahara-san had demanded me to come with him."

"Nakahara-san...?"

"I first thought he wanted me to go out with him..." She giggled "And I was going to decline. After all, I'm not into younger boys... But then, he told me his partner would not want you to be hurt and that I was the only one who could provide medical assistance if needed. I thought he was joking... Anyway, you must have tried to use your ability, because your body has weakened once again, and we were barely able to bring your saturation back to normal… Did you have morphine before going to the party?"

"I… I was a bit… Nervous..." I avoided her look.

"It’s fine... Fortunately, Dazai-san canceled both your and Q's abilities, stopping the chaos and saving you in the process. If it had gone longer..." She sighed "You would have most certainly been beyond saving..."

"Dazai-san... How is he...?" I timidly asked.

"He is fine. You may not have noticed but we are at his place and it has not been three hours since you collapsed." She told me "Do you want me to call him?"

"I'm not sure..."

I was afraid to discover he was angry I had failed my task... I could not even use my ability, the only thing I was worth for, to show Mori-san he had done the right thing by recruiting me. I had not been able to prove my superior I was not a burden...

"I'll call him." She declared without caring about my answer.

While she was away, I looked around. The place was more comfortable than my former room; if anything, it seemed to be a modern apartment, a perfectly suitable place for someone as important as a Port Mafia executive. The bed did not creak when I tried to move and the mattress was soft against my back. However, the whole room looked impersonal; there was no decoration, no pictures, nothing that could have indicated someone owned the place. The sheets smelled as if they had been freshly cleaned, and I deduced he did not sleep there quite often, unless this was a guest room. I doubted so, regarding the half-opened wardrobe showing a collection of the same suit he wore everyday.

"Ogawa-kun..."

I turned my head toward him, and tried my best to smile, but tears came instead and I ended up fighting against them. I did not want to witness the disappointment in his eyes when we would talk about my failure...

"Ogawa-kun, what's wrong...? Are you thinking about Q again...?" He pulled a chair closer to the bed.

"Th-That's not..." I articulated, biting my lower lip to stop the bothering hiccups "I could not... I did not... Succeed..."

"I don't care." Dazai-san bluntly said, trying to draw my attention toward him "I don't care at all that you could not understand Q."

"You... Don't...?"

"I cared more about seeing you waking up than showing you off to the Boss..." He admitted "Losing my lieutenant whereas you recovered only a few months ago… I couldn’t afford it."

"Then, I... I am not useless to you...?"

"Still not useless." He chuckled "Should I say sorry...?"

"N-No...! Of course I..." I paused to wipe my tears away "I'm glad that you think I am still worthy as your lieutenant..."

"I, for one, do want you to stay by my side, even if the Boss called you a disposable tool, even if the entire Port Mafia looks down on you. You will not leave my squadron." He assured, taking my hand into his.

I did not fall asleep, even if my ability was canceled. My own mind was still wandering too much, trying to proceed his words, for me to drift off again.

"A disposable tool..." I looked down "I can’t care less, as long as you, Dazai-san, do not loathe me..."

"That's good..." He smiled "Do not die just yet, will you...?"

"No...!" I shook my head "I won't die...! I promise... I'll stay by your side, always, Dazai-san...!"

"... You promise...?"

"I promise." I repeated, squeezing his fingers "I promise. Shall I go back on my words, you can toss me aside not to ever pick me up again... I promise."

He nodded, slowly, and lowered his head so I could not see his eyes anymore. A part of me simply knew that he was touched, for no one had surely ever promised him anything, but the other could not understand why. Why was he always so febrile when my ability threatened to take my life away? Why did he want to make sure that I would not die, that he would not lose me? Losing me. It was the first time I heard him say those words. I was but a mere subordinate, why would he lose me? He could lose Oda-san, Sakaguchi-san, even Nakahara-san, but I was nothing compared to them. Or perhaps did he think otherwise...

"I have a condition to accept your promise..." He said after a moment.

"What is it, Dazai-san?"

"I was born a few months after you and am actually younger than you... Please, address me only as 'Dazai' from now on." He requested.

I was aware. He was born in June, and I, in March. However, I had never considered myself as older, for these several months meant nothing to me.

"You are my superior, that's why —"

"I want more." He cut me "Your superior can't care about you... I want to be closer... A friend, perhaps..."

"A friend... That may be a bit too early..." I did my best not to smile like an idiot "But I'd be glad to become, one day, your friend, Dazai-san — I mean, Dazai... Only, when in the Port Mafia, I do not wish to disrespect you... Could I keep adding '-san' on duty...?"

"For the sake of appearance, I'll allow you to." He agreed "When it's the both of us, I'll call you 'Ogawa', then... Alright, Ogawa?"

"Yes...!" I accepted his offer "It's more than alright...!"

[aspoonofsugar]

Kunikida was inflicted by Q’s ability?! That wasn’t in the anime! Is that woman he’s hallucinating about supposed to be Sasaki from the Azure King arc? You said that Q’s ability causes people to confront “the thing they refuse to accept about themselves.” In Kunikida’s case, would that be his inability to save everyone?—BSD Chat Anon

Hello BSD Chat anon! Incidentally I like many of your thoughts!

Yes, Kunikida is one of the victims of the Guild’s plan to destroy Yokohama and the woman he sees is indeed Sasaki!

Nothing happens to him because Dazai and the others restrain him, so that he won’t become dangerous, but it is clearly significant that he has hallucinations of her among all people.

Unluckily I have yet to read the novel (even if I saw the anime episodes which adapted it), so my thoughts on this can’t be very elaborated.

You have probably already seen this post because you follow @hamliet’s blog, but I have tagged it just in case and for people who might be interested in an analysis of her character.

When it comes to Kunikida, I think Sasaki’s death is something which hit him for several reasons and especially because it is a challenge to his own ideals.

As a matter of fact both Sasaki’s crimes and her death are a result of strong ideals. She committed crimes in order to live up to and to avenge his dead partner AKA the Azure King.

According to Sasaki, he was a man moved by strong and positive ideals, but society prevented him from realizing them in all their beauty and so Sasaki helped him break the law in order to turn them into reality.

However, their scheme resulted in both him and innocent policemen losing their lives. What is more, Sasaki herself ends up killed by one of the victims’ son.

It is important to highlight that by the time the novel is set Kunikida is close to become like the AK. As a matter of fact he too has lost some faith in institutions and this is why he has chosen to join an organization which operates in a gray area like the ADA. If Kunikida keeps pursuing his ideals without ever questioning them he might end up both hurting others and himself.

At the same time, the novel makes clear that his ideals are what prevents him from developing strong bonds with others especially when it comes to romantic relationships:

He has spent so much energy to create the image of a perfect partner, that he can’t accept anything different and this of course ends up working against him.

Interestingly, this is the opposite problem Dazai has:

As a matter of fact Dazai is implied to be a lady killer, but it is clear that he has superficial relationships with all his partners and he is probably just using them to feel less lonely.

In short, both Kunikida and Dazai end up lonely because they can’t approach others earnestly. Kunikida expects his potential relationships to be ideal, while Dazai expects them to be casual ones.

Going back to Sasaki, the story makes clear that Kunikida feels strongly attracted by her and that the attraction is mutual. However, Sasaki has started a path of self-destruction she can’t stop and Kunikida is not able to help her nor to understand her until it is too late. Maybe if he had tried to grow closer to her before he might have been able to figure out which kind of person she was and this could have led to a different outcome.

In other words, Sasaki embodies the darkest aspect of Kunikida’s ideals. Let us underline that Kunikida is painfully aware of this side of his idealism. For example, he knows he might have to compromise on it and to embrace ruthless methods:

This is something he probably realized after the police’s failure to capture the AK alive. In that operation some agents lost their lives and Kunikida ended up searching a new path by joining the ADA. After he joins he tries to follow in Fukuzawa’s footsteps and this means that it might be necessary to take extreme measures sometimes (for example, Fukuzawa tells him to kill Dazai if Dazai were to turn out to be a threath).

However, Sasaki’s death adds a new layer to his self-awareness because it shows him that not only idealism is complicated to put into practice, but also that it can be damaging.

It is not sure, but his experience with Sasaki might very well be why Kunikida, despite his strong beliefs in what is wrong and what is right, ends up hesitating when it counts the most:

Interestingly, in both the scenes above Atsushi is the one who does what Kunikida would really want to do and Kunikida ends up following Atsushi’s lead.

This might very well be because Kunikida finds himself stuck between two generations and two developmental stages.

On one hand there is Fukuzawa who has found a good equilibrium between ideals and pragmatism. Fukuzawa will act both for the greater good and to protect his loved ones and he has no hesitation in understanding when it is the case to do one thing or the other. For example, he immediately acts to save Atsushi, while Kunikida himself would like to do so, but hesitates because of the ADA’s general situation. Similarly he won’t let Mori take advantage on a traumatized girl, but is ready to work with him to save Yokohama.

On the other hand there is Atsushi who is willing to put his life at risk to save others. By following this strong instinct he has managed to save people and to pursue Kunikida’s ideals in an earnest way. However, he has still to realize how self-destructive his pursue may be and how this behaviour is rooted in trauma.

Kunikida gives me the impression of being in the middle. He is still far from sharing Fukuzawa’s self-trust and he can’t ignore how self destructive idealism and selflessness can be. Interestingly, differently from the other two characters, he doesn’t really seem to have a particular violent side/past to reconcile. Maybe it is exactly because of this that his struggle lies elsewhere and that he has much more doubts than the other two characters. This may also be why Kunikida might appear more rigid than the other members of the ADA.

That said, the series makes clear that Kunikida’s path doesn’t lie in leaving his idealism behind, but rather in him finding a better way to apply it. This is because idealism like everything else is a weapon and it can be used positively or negatively.

Talking about weapons which can be used both well and badly we go back to Q’s ability and what it represents:

On Moby Dick Atsushi hallucinates and sees the headmaster. he wonders if it is an after-effect of Q’s ability, but imo it is left ambiguous because in the end this is not the only time Atsushi has this kind of experience. The headmaster talks about how Atsushi has left himself be tricked by illusions and ended up giving others fake kindness. This is a reference both to his previous experience with Q, but also to a deeper trait of Atsushi’s personality.

However, once he confronts Lucy in her room Atsushi says this:

He repeats the headmaster’s words, but shows how “imagination” and the ability to be flessible has not only negative effects, but also positive ones because it lets a person do things they would not have considered possible up until that point.

In this meta, I mentioned how this is something true for Lucy and her power as well:

In the end, the true value of her power did not lie in Anne’s strength or in using it to kidnap people, but rather in letting people escape boundaries (the ability is used to overcome the effects of time, to let Atsushi escape a room and to let both him and Kyouka move around despite being wanted). This is something which fits the idea of Lucy’s ability representing “an escape into one’s imagination”. After all, what does imagination do if not letting people escape boundaries? Lucy used it to isolate herself, but once she starts sharing her power with others, she becomes more powerful to the point that she is considered Dazai’s queen in the current arc.

However, this is not something which is true only for Lucy and Atsushi, but for every character and this makes sense in a series which explores fiction and literature and their effects on one’s life. These activities which are rooted in imagination can both help a person bond and grow, but can also lead them to isolate themselves in a non-existent world.

I want to suggest now that the same is true for ideals and so it can be applied to Kunikida as well. Ideals are rooted in one’s imagination as well and they can make a person single-minded and rigid, but they can also make one’s perspective wider.

Thank you for the ask!

[laceymorganwrites]

Rag Doll

Word Count: 3,705

Pairing: Akutagawa x reader

Warnings: swearing i guess

A/N: i love this edgy Boy, don´t think i wrote him well tho...

(Y/E/O/N) = your enemy´s organization´s name

The headquarters of the Port Mafia illuminated the city of Yokohama, keeping control over it in its central location. Being an organization of this size and importance could be stressful at times, especially if certain members were to go on their own all the time. But in the end they fulfilled their missions and kept everything how it should be. Missions could be tiring however and even the Port Mafia needed to rest and relax sometimes.

If one were to turn in a little corner by the train station, they were to encounter a certain bar, the Rag Doll. It wasn´t just an ordinary bar, oh no, it was the base of an underground information gathering organization that had close ties to the Mafia and worked together with the major organization.

The organization was led by none other than (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Being a former soldier and spy for several organizations you were sick of following orders and fighting for a cause you didn´t believe in.

It did have its perks working in a bar visited by infamous criminals who were dependent on you, such as gossip and protection.

Oh and the poor souls who entered the bar on this very night…

“Could you spare some chlorine?” Dazai asked with gleaming eyes, making you roll your eyes.

“Didn´t you want to die without being a burden to anyone? What kind of image would my bar have if people heard I served chlorine? I have normal costumers too, believe it or not” you scolded the brunet, crossing your arms and shaking your head. Dazai squinted his eyes. “You´re not making this easy for me...” he mumbled.

“People like you don´t deserve an easy death, that´d be quite anticlimactic now, wouldn´t it?” you giggled, having known Dazai quite a while throughout your carrier of changing carriers so often.

Dazai smirked. “I guess you´re right...” he gave in and you placed a glass of whiskey before him.

He stared at it lost in his thoughts while you served the other costumers, meanwhile learning new info on several enemy organizations from your colleagues. “(Y/E/O/N), huh? They´ve been a pain for quite a while now actually...” you thought out loud.

As you stepped in front of Dazai again, his face lit up. “So you´ve been having trouble with them too?” he asked, a suggestive undertone in his voice. You rolled your eyes but couldn´t help but smile. “Wanna team up?” you finally asked… but didn´t get the reaction you anticipated.

“Maybe you can teach my subordinate how not to be a complete failure” he chuckled.

Your happy expression changed into a stone cold one. “He´s just a kid, Dazai” you said through gritted teeth. “He´s not that much younger than me, you know? And yet… he´s just too… unstable” he said in a disgusted voice, it enraged you. “As if you´re one to talk about mental stability! He´s from the slums, you have to understand how hard it must be for him… but instead you just had to make him a perfect weapon, a soldier… you disgust me, Dazai” maybe Akutagawa´s situation made you this emotional because he reminded you of himself, ripped out of a shitty environment, forced to work in a worse one. He didn´t have a chance to choose, he didn´t even have a say in it. You sure pitied the kid. “Do you know how dangerous he would be with an ability like this if I didn´t raise him right? He´s far too uncontrolled with his ability to let him out of my sight” Dazai defended himself, but you weren´t going to give in that easily. “Don´t give me that crap, Dazai! If you would actually have some decency and kindness, hell patience would be enough! If you keep treating him like you do, he´s gonna grow up feeling like a worthless piece of shit. You know, I´m really asking myself why you saved him when you couldn´t care less. People like you shouldn´t be put in charge of people like him!” you glared at him. Dazai just tilted his head, chuckling.

“You seem to care very much about him” he noticed.

You started cleaning the counter, grunting at his comment. “Maybe it´s just because unlike you I´m a decent fucking person” you grumbled.

“I doubt that...you´re a master at your craft after all, and that is deceiving people. But I have to give it to you, nobody does it quite like you” he sighed dreamily.

You clenched your jaw and stared him down. “Why thank you” you chuckled bitterly.

He knew damn well why you did the things you did, it was out of the need for money and because you were forced, to be fair you did it because you liked it now but that was a different story.

Dazai stared at you for a while with an amused expression on his face while you still held your cold one. “Well, that was a fun night. I´ll see you tomorrow” Dazai put down the money for the drink on the counter and left the bar, leaving you with a headache.

When you arrived to work in the next morning Dazai and Akutagawa were already there.

“Good morning, (Y/N)” Dazai smiled at you, but you didn´t respond. Instead you checked in on your coworkers and caught up on the information needed for the mission.

“As you all should know by now, today is the day we raid (Y/E/O/N)´s base and attack them! We will crush them, I don´t accept failure today. This is too important. Alright everybody, commence your positions and don´t die on me, we´re already short staffed. Good luck, guys, see you in the evening” you gave a little pep talk and were about to get ready for your part of the job as well.

That was when you remembered Dazai and his subordinate were still there. “You´re still here? Don´t you have your own plan on taking them out? Starting a massacre or something?” you teased to which Dazai scoffed.

“I wish you were wrong… most of us follow the plan you assigned to us, but we do have our little troublemakers” he shot a glare at Akutagawa who clenched his jaw.

“Okay then, why are you still sitting around here? Don´t you have something useful to do? Come on, Dazai, you must have planned some wicked scheme” you placed your hand on his shoulder. He just chuckled. “Maybe I do… but more importantly, could you take care of my subordinate today. I can´t risk him screwing up again” he muttered, making you frown.

“Don´t give them any trouble and follow their orders, do you understand?” Dazai turned to Akutagawa. He nodded, still not looking up.

You sighed. “I´m getting dressed, Dazai, explain the plan to him, I´ll be right back” you rushed into the backroom and put on the clothes you picked out for the mission.

(Y/E/O/N) was known for holding illegal auctions and you planned on infiltrating one and destroying them from the inside.

After you joined them again, Dazai left you alone.

“It´s nice to finally meet you, Akutagawa” you told him. “I heard very much about you. And before we begin I need you to know that you´re not a failure. I know that we will succeed. You just have to trust in your own strength, because others won´t always be there to do so” you said, but didn´t get any reaction out of him.

“The weak don´t have a right to live” he replied like a mantra.

You frowned, slowly placing a hand on his shoulder. He shuddered at the contact but let your hand remain.

“But you´re not weak…” you reassured him.

His eye twitched at your words but you paid it no mind.

He irritated you, of course you got why he would have such a mindset, growing up in his environment it was only natural. But being saved from such circumstances one ought to be utterly traumatized, grateful to their savior. Normally such Darwinism should vanish from his thoughts, so why was it that he still strove to be the strongest? As if he wasn´t worth being alive otherwise.

Dazai must´ve fucked him up worse than the slums, you thought.

“You´re under no obligation to prove anything to anyone” you told him in all honesty.

“I know. Let´s finish the mission” he said through clenched teeth, apparently you hit a nerve.

In silence you walked to the location and infiltrated it successfully.

“Secure the entrances, make sure nobody can leave. There´s gonna be a massacre here shortly, it would be a shame if anybody missed it” you smirked, distracting people while Akutagawa imprisoned the people.

“Now that was easy, let´s get to the fun part, shall we?” you smiled and started slicing people up with the knives hidden in your clothes.

Akutagawa joined you with his Rashomon and you finished the mission in short time.

Your colleagues would clean up later.

You had a few hours before you had to head back to work so you went home to relax a bit. Akutagawa was gone before you could even say goodbye.

Somehow you felt as if you screwed up, you´d never get to know him now.

But who could blame him? The act of surviving that was his life so far couldn´t be called living, he merely existed, it was easier with thick walls all around him. It was easier if he didn´t let anybody in.

Hell, it even made sense, so why were you so glum about it?

Why was it that you cared so much about him? Why did you want to understand him so badly? You never wanted to be the person to fix other people and force them to face their problems but why did you feel like that was who you were right now?

In the course of the next weeks you ran into Dazai and Akutagawa multiple times, the Mafia and your organization worked close together very often nowadays.

Akutagawa still was distant towards you, not even looking at you while doing missions together.

Your current target was Mimic, Dazai and his friends were involved very closely.

After researching their base and handing the information over to the Mafia you considered your job done and in the evening you wandered through the city, not feeling tired at all.

Something was keeping you awake.

Well, you still couldn´t wrap your head around Akutagawa, but that was silly.

You walked to your favorite spot in the hills where you had a beautiful view of the city.

Sighing you sat down on the bench and stared at the city lights that gleamed in the night sky.

“Dazai-san partnered us up for the mission tomorrow” you didn´t even hear him coming.

Staying in your position, now forcing yourself to look straight ahead and not at him, you nodded.

“Beautiful, isn´t it?” you mumbled, talking about the view.

Akutagawa nodded, thinking about you.

“Dazai must really hate you, huh?” you chuckled, finally looking up to him with sad eyes.

He frowned. “Why?” he asked, stalking closer to you, eventually sitting next to you on the bench.

“Come on, every time we have a mission, we get paired up. Because Dazai´s twisted like that, you know?” you shook your head.

Dazai was another person you couldn´t wrap your head around. Were you friends? Were you enemies? Something in between?

“So that´s how you see it…” he mumbled.

“Dazai´s so sadistic, everyone can see you hate my guts, but no he just has to have us work together. I don´t know what he promises himself from that, but it´s Dazai, you never know with him” you thought out loud.

“If you say so…” Akutagawa said in an annoyed tone.

“Why are you even here? I mean, I could´ve found out we were paired up again by myself tomorrow, there was no need for you to tell me in person like this.” you thought out loud.

“I like this place, didn´t know you were here” he lied, looking down to his feet.

You groaned, you really didn´t want to say anything but you just had to.

“You told me the weak don´t deserve to live when we first met, remember? But I´ve always wondered: did you mean the mentally weak or the physically weak? And what about those who evolve to be strong? Either way, you should´ve killed me after that statement” you rambled.

Akutagawa held his breath, how were you able to scratch at his walls like that? Question him like that? And bring up his past and personal issues? How could you read him like that?

“Being weak and thinking you´re weak are two different things” he said flat out, making you laugh.

He frowned. “What´s so funny?” he crossed his arms.

“Nothing, I just didn´t think you actually had a reason not to kill me” your words came out sounding more annoyed than you actually were.

“Tch, you irritate me” Akutagawa said through clenched teeth.

You groaned. “Oh really? Why is that? Because I speak my mind? Are you so unused to that? I have so many more reasons to be irritated by you than you!” you raised your voice, turning to face him.

“I don´t think I have the same effect on you as you have on me” he told you plainly, making you even more confused.

“What the hell is that even supposed to mean? Can´t you just say what you mean once in your life?” you fumed.

“Why should I do that if I don´t know its consequences?” he questioned, now that perplexed you quite a bit. He didn´t seem like a guy who thought about the consequences of his actions.

“You know, maybe I should hate you. It´s easier that way” Akutagawa stated, not waiting for you to say anything, he just vanished without another word.

He left you wondering what just happened.

Great, the day before the mission you really wanted a good night´s sleep, but now he ruined it.

You hated your brain for it but you would think about him all night, unable to sleep.

You also hated your predictions to become true in the next morning when you had to meet up with Akutagawa.

Luckily his declaration of last night also meant he ignored you, you really weren´t in the mood for talking.

All the talking was broken down into information necessary for the mission.

In silence the two of you walked to the location, at first you thought you were too late, but in fact you were just in time.

Well, too late for the plan you worked so hard and long on, but just in time to step into action and stop Mimic´s leader who was about to kill Odasaku, Dazai´s friend.

Normally you would´ve waited and hidden in a safe spot before raiding the enemy´s base.

Now without thinking, with a mere second of analyzing the situation, you dashed forward in between the two men who were about to shoot each other.

Everything that happened happened in an instance, so fast, it almost felt like forever.

You saw something rushing toward you from the corner of your eye and the next thing you knew, black matter stabbed Mimic´s leader to death and red light illuminated you, acting as an armor, a shield of sorts.

It felt warm and yet it was over as soon as it began.

“What are you guys doing here?” Odasaku spoke up before you could voice your confusion.

Quickly you pushed the thought of what the fuck just happened to the back of your head and gave a short mission report.

“Well, some bird told us you got yourself in trouble and it´s our mission to take out Mimic anyway, so it´s kinda like killing two birds with one stone, right?” you smiled at him.

“I guess, but I had it under control” he defended himself.

“You were just about to get killed, I wouldn´t say that gives the impression of being under control”

You commented, still not grasping how lucky you were, how perfectly in time. You had to commend yourself for thinking so fast, you didn´t think you still had it in you.

“Yeah, you might be right. Well, thanks for saving me again” he showed his gratitude and went back to the mafia´s base with Akutagawa.

“Wait a second, Akutagawa!” you caught up to him.

“What was that just now? I didn´t know your ability is able of defense, you have to tell Dazai, I think he´ll be proud of you” you complimented him.

He stared at you for a while in his cold, emotionless manner, but his eyes were different than normally, there was something soft in them.

“I didn´t really think about it” he admitted.

“Well, either way, you did a good job today. Intentionally or not, you saved me, thank you. I mean it” you told him, trying to look him in the eyes but it was like he was looking right through you.

“Like I said, I didn´t mean to do it, I just did” he said sharply and joined Odasaku on his way.

You didn´t know what you expected, but some part of you had hoped he did it intentionally.

And that part hurt like hell right now.

It was ridiculous and you knew it but for some reason he got to you and you despised it.

This feeling made you so unable to concentrate and feel dizzy and it was just horrible.

You felt utter defeat when you walked back to the Rag Doll.

And as if that wasn´t enough, Dazai was the first thing that caught your eye.

He sat at the bar, flirting with the barmaid and when he saw you, he gave you an amused look.

“What´s so funny, Osamu?” you weren´t in the mood for his twisted schemes today.

“Oh nothing, just the way you can break people. I never thought my subordinate would let you get to him, and yet… and yet he hasn´t been able to think straight ever since he met you.” he sounded disgusted, like a child whose toy has been broken. Maybe it was boredom as well, you could never tell with Dazai.

You sighed and shook your head, you didn´t know whether you should laugh or cry.

“What are you trying to achieve, Dazai? I can´t handle your bullshit today, so why don´t you just tell me your true intentions for once?” you groaned, oh how you wished you could just be at home in your bed right now, away from everything that´s been going on.

“I could ask you the same thing. You accused me of not caring about Akutagawa, but if I didn´t care why would I have saved him? And yes, maybe I did fuck up in raising him, how could I not? I have never done this before. But I know one thing: if he wants to survive in this cruel world, he has to be strong. And he has to be selfish, because the world is too, nobody will care about him and he has to learn that. I can´t have you breaking his heart, I can´t have you trying to fix him, I can´t let you make him let his guard down. Because that way the world will eat him alive” Dazai told you and for once he was honest. That didn´t mean his words didn´t hurt you.

“I´m sorry, Dazai. For doubting you. You´re right, I shouldn´t be around him… but why do you keep pairing us up if you know that?” you felt your lungs squeeze together, cutting off the air, making it hard to breathe. Your heart ached and your hands started to shake as you desperately tried to fight back the tears, it was semi-working.

He chuckled, looking at you with something you could only identify as pity.

“I see the way he looks at you, Akutagawa is always so angry and stern. You somehow manage to calm him down. I´m not stupid, (Y/N). I know what you feel for him. I´m sorry about the way my words came out before, I just wanted to make sure your feelings were honest. I don´t think there´s anyone better for him than you. I have a feeling that you can tear down his walls, maybe make him more sociable… we´ll see. Either way I´m excited to see where this is going”

Dazai smiled at you.

“You´re making this seem as if I actually stand a chance...” you mumbled, you knew exactly what Akutagawa thought of you, he wouldn´t ever see you the same way you saw him.

“Dazai-san, is it true what you said? Does (Y/N) really….? Oh, excuse me”

Akutagawa came rushing through the entrance, he didn´t even see you until Dazai cleared his throat and pointed at you.

“Yes, she likes you back. I´ll leave you two alone now” Dazai mentioned casually before he left.

You almost choked on your breath and blushed heavily, you thought now was a good time to escape but your legs wouldn´t listen to you.

Both of you said nothing for a while and who could blame you? This was what one would call an exceptional awkward situation.

Akutagawa was the first to find his voice again while you were still thinking about your escape route.

“So… is it true?” he asked, not meeting your eyes. His voice was low, like he was trying to suppress something.

You gave up trying to run, what was the point in it?

“Yes” a simple word, taking a leap of faith, you let out the breath you didn´t know you held.

You couldn´t even look into his eyes, too scared of what his reaction might be.

Whatever horrible things you imagined didn´t happen.

Instead Akutagawa was… coughing? And that rather heavily.

You rushed over to him and placed your hand on his shoulder gently.

“Are you alright? Can I do something?” you asked, but he just shook his head.

After a few minutes he was done coughing and looked sideways in embarrassment.

“You too make me feel… things” he bluntly stated, making your heart beat faster.

You smiled at him and took his hand and he let you.

[dazaran]

Simulated Heaven

ship: Dazai Osamu/Shibusawa Tatsuhiko rating: G genre: fluff / domestic fluff AO3 link: here! warnings: DEAD APPLE SPOILERS

summary: If he could speak to that unfair, mocking Eros above, he would ask: why this person? Though, Dazai knows he would not get an answer. This sort of thing is always left unanswered.

The concept of a gentle awakening is something Dazai finds so foreign, even after the strings keeping him as a puppet for Mori’s mafia had been severed. Every time he opens his eyes, something inside him - a simple thought, instinct perhaps - says that he is waking up because there is a knife to his throat, the barrel of a gun between his brows. Waking up to sunlight filtering through translucent curtains swaying in the breeze that filters in through the window, that’s away to wake up he feels is too generous, too elegant for someone as sinful and tarnished as him.

His reaction is delayed because of this, staring up at the off white ceiling of an apartment that’s not his own, in a neighborhood that is not his own on the other side of the city - nowhere near the agency’s dorm.

It’s for his - their - own good that it isn’t, all things considered.

He exhales slowly through his nose before sitting up, running a hand through his hair. A few strands tickle his nose from the ongoing breeze, cause the curtains to catch on one of his shoulders. Dazai studies the fabric: it’s a translucent white, covered with a layer of golden dust. They were two colors he never thought would suit him.

He’s used to black - blood stains are less noticeable, easier to ignore; you can slip into the shadows and disappear; when you’re a monster - inhuman - it’s where you belong. White is bright, pure , not suited for things like demons or monsters.

... Or, so he thought.

A tilt of his crown, then a shift of caramel hues. They focus on the figure sharing the single-sized bed with him, sleeping on their side with their back turned to him. It makes him want to laugh at the irony , as well as the sheer naivety the person can still display. (Or perhaps it’s because this person is neither here nor there, waxing and waning between life and death - a balancing act Dazai wishes he could understand, but his facade is only so deep. He knows that in the face of this person, he is more transparent than he’d like to be; he knows that this person can tell death is not what he truly desires... not anymore. It is a similarity between them that has been stripped by the time spent apart.)

The body stirs, white hair fluttering against the bed with the movement from where their hip curls inward.

Dazai stares, watching, waiting, as if expecting something. When nothing comes, he presses a palm against the bed, using the other to pull away the hair that shields their face. Three long claw marks scar their face - the footprint of the desperate struggling to live, a reminder of their past cruelty they hold no guilt towards. That they can wear such a thing without remorse, without pride, merely acknowledging its existence as thus - it’s a level of indifference Dazai wish he could have.

His own body is a canvas of mistakes, of scars, reminders and repaid debts . He could have gone without many if he chose any life but the one he had lived, but the repercussions of that is not something he even wants to indulge in metaphorically.

(There would be no conversations and laughter echoing into the night at an alley bar, no desperate plea for him to feel he should aim to be a better man, no - whatever this is, this cathartic and slow-spreading poison he acknowledges as a simmering, then sweltering emotion that burns in his chest. If he could speak to that unfair, mocking Eros above, he would ask: why this person?

Though, Dazai knows he would not get an answer. This sort of thing is always left unanswered.)

“Shibusawa,” Dazai speaks in a voice that is nothing above a whisper, as if the very name would invoke the cry of an angel, the hiss of a demon. “You’re awake, aren’t you?”

Shibusawa does not stir this time. His eyes open without the sluggishness of starting the day, staring across the small bedroom for a few moments before red eyes shift to glance up at Dazai. “How unlike you, to wake after me.”

Dazai smiles lightly, amused. “Perhaps it was a good omen for the day.”

Shibusawa stares up at him, tilting his head with a blink. It still holds that same curiosity as the short time spent together in that crumbling castle, looking at Dazai beyond the mere words he speaks and the smile on his face. “... Someone like you - doesn’t believe in omens, Dazai-kun.” he turns, lying flat on his back with hands folded against his chest.

He looks as if he’s a corpse laid out for his funeral, accepting his fate, knowing no one will come to mourn him. He lives and breathes tragedy, and that in itself pulls Dazai in even closer .

“You’re right,” Dazai agrees after a pause, moving a hand to brush Shibusawa’s bangs out of his face, trace a cheek with a thumb before stopping to twirl a few strands of hair around his fingers. “But, today holds some value above the norm.”

“I will humor you: what value is there?”

A chuckle, accompanied by just the smallest flash of teeth. “It’s your birthday. You’re 30 now, aren’t you? How lucky you are, you look as if you’ve barely aged a day since we met.”

Shibusawa gives a muted ‘ah’. His expression does not change, outside the small raise of his brows. “That sort of thing became irrelevant to me a long time ago. The body I owned after my first death was fabricated, and returning to the missing part of my body - I suppose it’s carrying where it left off. Or, maybe it won’t move forward at all, given all that I am.”

“Are you saying you won’t celebrate? My, and here was I, hoping to do something fun with you!”

“How much can be done, when I am wanted by your allies, your enemies, and everything in between?”

Dazai’s smile widens, something dark glittering in his eyes - a darkness Shibusawa finds comfort in, however strange it may sound. “Silly of you, to doubt my ways. When have you or myself had trouble with slipping away?”

“Slipping away sounds too romantic.”

The brunet hums pensively, laying back down on his stomach this time, the upper half of his body against Shibusawa’s. There’s something strangely soothing in feeling the rise and fall of the man’s chest - perhaps Dazai doesn’t want to look into it too far and normalize it because it will lead him to admit he’s in love. (Perhaps he’s already admitted it somewhere and conveniently made himself forget.) “How disappointing. You could be quite the romanticist, if you had the desire.” he says, cupping the older’s cheek with a gentleness unbecoming of a demon prodigy . He doesn’t do anything at first, merely staring into those carmine hues, until finally - he gives up, he closes his eyes and leans forward, claiming the lips of a man who is the closest thing to death.

Kissing Shibusawa is sometimes dangerous in itself. Gentle pecks hold no problems, but anything further and there’s the possibility of a split lip on the courtesy of his sharp incisors - Dazai never minds it, maybe even welcomes it when he feels the sharpness cut into his lip enough to bleed. He’s never liked blood in his mouth, but doesn’t mind it if the person who draws it is Shibusawa, doesn’t mind it if it’s like this. There’s a gentleness in this slow murder of his heart he somehow wants to indulge in.

When Dazai leans back, Shibusawa cups his chin, tracing a thumb over the cut on his lip and smudging the new blood that surfaces.

A thin, eerie - yet ethereal, in the same breath - smile makes its way onto Shibusawa’s face. “Thank you, Dazai-kun.”

Dazai stills for one beat, two, three - and he succumbs to the embarrassment he will not speak of as he flops back down on the older’s chest. (He’s glad Shibusawa isn’t quite so cunning in such an area, or Dazai is certain he’d be done for.)

“On second thought, let’s just stay here together instead,” he suggests, kicking his feet into the air idly while a hand moves to fiddle with one of Shibusawa’s braids. “You’re better off here, for my eyes alone.”

Shibusawa scoffs in amusement, and Dazai feels his heart stutter. “You never stop finding ways to tether me to you.”

I’m fine with that, is the unspoken thought they share in unison.

AN: This is an au based off of Shibusawa having survived at the end of Dead Apple because his self that was fabricated by Draconia merged back with the parts of him that was missing (his memories / his skull) so he gained his body back... If that makes sense I guess. Because it's his original skull again, the scars remain. Bones are fucking cowards for not giving Shibu those sexy scars. Or sharp teeth since he was turned into a scaley twice. I gotta do EVERYTHING around here smdh.

[arcticcurio]

White Lies Ch.2

This is the continuation of the White Lies Series which is basically

 Atsushi x Reader(OC)

The first chapter can be found here. 

Approx 1956 (ish) words....SFW 

Atsushi looked over at Ranpo who was now sleeping at his desk and shrugged the taller man off. He decided to follow close behind Dazai to the server room across from the client meeting area dragging a chair along with him to prop the door open with. He looked over at the scene of Dazai leaning against the open door and his girlfriend starting to untangle various lengths of wire on the floor with a laptop sitting nearby open and booting up. She sat on the floor sprawled out tapping periodically on the laptop keyboard while continuing to untangle wire one handed. Naturally, Dazai thought this was the perfect time to make small talk coming closer to her with every word out of his mouth,

           "So Ms. Hacker, you have a boyfriend?"

           Atsushi looked pale for a second as his mentor apparently decided that this was the most important thing to know right now. Would she even respond to him? Were they even dating? They do see each other in their free time but going on an actual date was something that just never occurred. What was a normal date anyway? It was not as if they actually stated that to anyone else before... The questions kept pooling and spinning in this mind as he was propping the back of the chair underneath the door handle. He looked over his shoulder at Dazai and his girlfriend? What else could he call her? Girl that is a friend? They spent too much time together for that. Is this what Dazai meant with 'Friends with Benefits'? He was confused.

           He sat in the chair sideways so that he could see what was going on, which was nothing. She continued to connect wires to servers and periodically clack away on a keyboard. Was she ignoring him? He looked over to the scene again to see that she was tapping on a device strapped to her wrist and blatantly ignoring Dazai who was doing his best to be in her face. Dazai took this as a challenge however seeing that his question was never going to be answered he changed it, "I have an interesting proposition for you if an unattached person like yourself is interested in the macabre."

           There was again silence other than the noise of the rubbing of wires and the clacking of fingers on a keyboard. She was most definitely ignoring Dazai, Atsushi was regretting not mentioning his work after all since this was not the best choice of action to deflect Dazai's questions with pure silence and he knew it. Why didn't he mention more about the agency when they spoke about their professions? Looking back over at Dazai rambling on about lovers suicide and reciting passages about methods of doing so from his beloved guide made him think otherwise. It was because almost everyone in the ADA is weird especially Dazai, he decided as he continued to watch Dazai speak to a human wall. It was fine until Dazai decided that he needed more attention than she was giving him,

"Such beauty needs to be shown to the world and not hidden by layers of fabric like this. What would happen if you just took off the face covering off for a minute, I bet it is hot under there.."

           That mere action earned a swift swat of the hand that was going to touch the edge of the scarf on her face and a slight glare before she returned back to what she was doing. Dazai was unfazed by this development and continued, "Maybe I'm not your type...." Atsushi breathed a sigh of relief, "But you can't have Atsushi-kun. He is taken sadly. Look at him and this girl, isn't she cute!"

           That breath was quickly exhaled as he saw Dazai with his phone open showing the lock screen image to his girlfriend. It was the image that she took of them at her apartment a few days ago. She looked over at it briefly before clicking away at the laptop again and readjusting the scarf after the close call with Dazai. Was she blushing? He could not really tell with all the headgear, but that was not the most important thing right now. Dazai has his phone. He needed to get it back. The moment Atsushi makes the attempt to get his phone back from his sneaky handed mentor by trying to make a grab for the device by diving at Dazai that he saw the phone fly through the air with Dazai cheerfully stating, "Here, Ranpo catch!"

           Atsushi was too slow to notice that Ranpo had not only woken up but was standing at the door to the server room with open hands to catch the device. Only he missed and the phone clattered on the floor with an audible crack before Ranpo picks the device up blowing on it and rubbing it against his cape.

            "You need to work on your aim, Dazai," Ranpo said as he opened the flip phone, "You could have broken the screen."

           Atsushi is on the ground, face first, lost in his thoughts. Maybe throwing it is the real problem here not the aim! Ranpo looks at the screen with narrowed eyes before smiling, "She is cute. Where did you meet her Atsushi-kun?"

           Atsushi was caught, it was not that he never planned to tell them about her it was just that this was not the most opportune time. His brain fried as he stuttered hopelessly attempting to explain what was going on. However, with all the doubts that surfaced and the nerves of having her sitting on the floor while he was doing so was too much and he slid into a muttering mass on the floor, exhaust coming out of his ears. Dazai poked the man tiger in the side a little to try and get a better answer out of him only to declare, "We broke him Ranpo-san!"

            Ranpo looked over at Dazai and over at the girl from Hackers Chasing Hackers, "What can we call you anyway?"

           "606." Her response was swift and soft almost inaudible. Ranpo continued,

           "Not 404?"

           She shrugged and went in her bag to grab a pair of wireless headphones and small keyboard. Apparently Ranpo had closed the distance on her and was standing with hands on his hips before her assessing her pointing his finger in her direction, "Maybe you can help us find 404 then."

           "What?"

           She responded freezing in place her response much louder than the first. Dazai stopped trying to rouse Atsushi and sat cross legged facing her, "You know it would make Atsushi sleep better at night if you worked with us on this, 606."

           She had no response the jig was up. She needed to say something about knowing Atsushi. What though? The truth? Her mouth apparently worked faster than her brain did, "Why would he lose sleep if he never knew?"

           Dazai happily tapped her shoulders in acceptance, "That's a girl, use your words. I thought you might be mute there for a minute."

           Ranpo bent down to her level, "All of you are numbers right? 606 is not your real name though I'm sure Atsushi doesn't call you that, can we have your name?"

           She pulled her right sleeve up to show a small device with an aux in cable, she tapped the screen a few times before standing up and the device declaring, "The Bluetooth device has been connected successfully" in a feminine electronic voice. She plugs the aux cable into the headphone jack of the laptop on the floor and the other to the device on her wrist. She places the headphones on her head and leans against the server wall having the cord pull the laptop slightly before closing her eyes.

           "Yo. 51 are you there? I'm at the job still. Listen can you give me the access to the database today I need to set up an external and internal firewall for these guys and it would be faster if I can C&V it from there than setting up something special. Eh? Just how much do you think that they are paying for?? I am not setting up something from scratch...What is the code?....Ok, it's good for 3 hours right? What do you mean that you can't issue that? You really mean that you won't...Thanks. I will call again if I need anything else."

           She drops the headphones to around her neck and returns to the laptop tapping the keyboard frantically. Dazai opens his mouth to start speaking but is hushed by her placing her hand up by his face. After a few minutes of keyboard clacking she leans back and shuts the laptop screen. Taking off her ball cap using it as a fan, "That will buy me time to talk with you without them listening in."

           She straitens up and smiles, "What is it that you need to know about 404?"

           Ranpo and Dazai stare at 606 for a moment. Ranpo sits on the floor next to Dazai before asking, "Do you know anything about 404?"

           "Describe what you mean by anything, I mean I know that 404 is a 30 year old-ish guy first of all but that is not what you are interested in is it?"

           Ranpo looks over at Atsushi lying on the floor and puts his glasses on, "Aren't you 404?" He states while flopping several photographs on the floor nearby. She looks at the photos by spreading them on the floor and sighs.

           She begins to unfurl the ribbon covering her eye and pulls the tartan scarf down to around her neck, "Do I look like a 30 year old man to you?" She giggled as she tied the ribbon to her other wrist, "I can't believe that of all the people in the company he uses my identity for that stupid parlor trick of his."

           Dazai stared at her for a bit only to state, "No you are most decidedly not a man. What do you mean by parlor trick?"

           She crossed her arms while thinking, "Hard to say. He can be almost anyone in the world in most people's eyes. Almost like..."

           "Magic?" Ranpo stopped her.

           She nodded her head in agreement, "Yes, that's it.  A few from Hackers Chasing Hackers are considered..." she drifted off as her eyes caught Atsushi's frame lying on the floor, "though with all the ability users around Yokohama with the Port Mafia and the Government. I suppose it is a bit childish to think that."

           Dazai thought it was a bit funny that Atsushi's girlfriend did not mention the ADA at all. Ranpo apparently caught on to something different about her statement, "You mean that there is more than one gifted in Hackers Chasing Hackers?"

           She shifted her weight, "Possibly. It is a relatively big organization after all."

           Now this was interesting. Dazai decided that it might be best to let Atsushi be on the floor the whole time and moved to make sure that he was still out of it. If only he didn't rouse at this exact moment with a soft utterance of a female name that neither man recognized.

           606 moved over to nearby Atsushi and patted him on the head, "Wake up, Atsushi. You can stop being in your head too much now."

           Atsushi had to stop himself from gripping her tightly around the waist due to Ranpo and Dazai being there. He figured now was as good as time as any to introduce her, "Dazai-san, Ranpo-san, this is..." He paused and looked at her almost as if he was too embarrassed to say her name in front of her,"... the girl from my phone screen."

[marlikesthings]

This time I decided to make a post about the Tanizaki’s siblings. I put them both together since they are strongly linked one another. You can’t talk about one without mentioning the other. Anyway, like for my previous posts, I will write here why I love them and why they should be more appreciated.

First, I will talk about Tanizaki Junichiro. The first time we met Junichiro is during Atsushi’s entrance exam. He appears as a criminal tired of life, who wants to talk to the president. I feel the need, before continuing, to point out what an amazing actor Junichiro is. He had Atsushi and the readers totally fooled. Actually, had the agency not know that this was all an act, I wonder if they would have noticed he was pretending to be someone else. Dazai might have noticed though, because well, he is Dazai.

Tanizaki is a character that has a lot of potential, and I am glad the last manga chapter gave us more insight on his character. But, before talking about that, I want to talk about his partnership with Atsushi. Both of them are comically referred to as a group of wimps. Because they always worry too much, and they seem at first glance to be kind of cowards. That is obviously far from the truth. While both of them are indeed level headed, and the most “normal” ones at the agency, if you mess with their loved ones they will respond. And it won’t be beautiful to see. Especially Junichiro (since this appreciation post is dedicated, in part, to him, I will only talk about his case).

He seems to be shy, kind of awkward, level headed, but do not let this deceive you. Do not mess with Naomi or he will destroy you. The reason why I really liked chapter 48, was because, through the words of Hirotsu, we learn that Junichiro’s abilities are suited for being an assassin. Even without his words we get to see a different Tanizaki (similar to the one we saw during his fight with Steinbeck). This Tanizaki was ready to kill. He managed to fool the black lizard, an assassination squad of port mafia. I mean, if this isn’t amazing I don’t know what it is. He could have killed Gin right there if he wanted to. And what to say about his exchange with Tachihara. They all seemed afraid of Tanizaki, and at that time, he hadn’t done anything yet. Just his look was enough to send them chills in their backs. And once again I feel the need to mention, this is the mafia who we are talking about, they have probably faced so many strong adversaries, yet this guy, who for all they knew was one of the weakest among the agency members was defying them. No, he was ready to kill them without a second thought. I hope the black lizard will think twice before threatening to hurt Naomi in front of Junichiro. Also, interesting fact, they wanted to use him as a spy for port mafia. The reason why they probably thought he will be good for the job, was most likely because no one would suspect him. I mean Tanizaki doesn’t really stand out among the members, which is a skill needed for any good spy.

I like Junichiro, because there is so much more to him, than what it seems. He is an agency member, and as such he had to pass his own exam entrance to prove he was worthy of being an agency member. Aren’t agency members supposed to value life and not kill? (Unless the situation really requires so. The interesting fact about the agency is that while they are supposed to be the good guys, they aren’t really. Everyone there, except Atsushi for obvious reason (this guy is too pure and he probably believes everyone can be saved), Ranpo (because he couldn’t kill anyone even if he wanted to. He is smart, but he is also weak, and besides, that would probably be too troublesome for him. Unless, you touch the president. Then he won’t be playing anymore) and Kenji (although his case is particular, since he doesn’t seem to care, it’s like nothing surprises him. I want to see him getting mad). I do picture the others as being able to kill. Yosano abilities are made to save people, but she is strong and won’t doubt to stand up for people she cares. And, if there were to be a situation in which killing the enemy was the only solution, I think, she would do it. Same with Kunikida, the guy is an idealist, but he knows fully well he is not a hero. He did plan on leaving Kyouka behind during Atsushi’s rescue mission. Though this is due to a trauma and he is one of the kindest characters, but still). I’ve always thought that more than being the good guys they were more in the middle, in a grey zone. They aren’t bad guys (except for Dazai), but they do the jobs they are assigned to do and then leave. They know they can’t help everyone, so they don’t even try. That doesn’t make them bad persons, but it makes one wonder). Junichiro is a good example of a grey character. He is nice yes, but the fact that as soon as his sister is in danger, or even at the possibility of his sister being in danger he is willing to forget about morals, makes you wonder why was he even accepted at the agency. I say this because his values, everything he believes crumbles way to easily (he is different from Kunikida who tries so strongly to protect his ideals). But I like that about him. He feels like a character people could identify with (of course, not the killing part), but the part about him that wants to protect its loved ones is so real. He loves Naomi and therefore won’t forgive anyone hurting her. And that’s fine. Either way, in order to survive in the agency, especially now that they are at war with the mafias, they have to be more careful than ever. Junichiro must have his own reasons to join the agency and so does Naomi (although in her case, it was most likely to be with her brother), but losing Naomi is the one thing Junichiro wouldn’t forgive. Everyone at the agency must have their own reason why they joined, but I do believe the agency has become a place they could call home. Losing a member would be losing, not just a comrade, but a family member. And in Junichiro’s and Naomi’s case, it wouldn’t be just losing someone who is like a family member, but it would be losing someone with whom they share a lot of memories, their own blood, someone who can’t simply be replaced. That’s why I think Junichiro is so protective of Naomi. She doesn’t have any abilities, but she is so cheerful, full of live, and she is also younger than him. His life wouldn’t be the same without her, and he knows it. While their relationship is hard to describe, with Naomi always seducing him, it has become a part of their routine they don’t want to lose.

Second, I will be talking about Naomi. Her part will be shorter because we don't really know much about her. Well, I already mentioned her before, while talking about Junichiro, but this girl is cheerful, nice, friendly, she is such an outgoing person, hard to not love. She has a strong personality, and loves her brother a lot. Maybe too much. She is always trying to seduce her brother, and from what she says, it makes one wonder what happens when the two of them are alone in their apartment. But, while she is often used as comic relief (for example, immediately after Atsushi's exam entrance, (where she acted like a prisoner in the hands of a crazy person) she went straight to her brother, trying to seduce him. This allowed the tension that Atsushi was feeling to calm down a little bit. Though he still didn't understand what was happening), and she is not an active member of the agency (but a clerk) since she has no abilities, she shouldn't be underestimated. This girl is intelligent, and has she had an ability, I have no doubt she would be at least at Yosano's level. Which means, she would have been a strong ability user. We can see this in chapter 23, where her and Haruno tried to escape from the grasp of Steinbeck and lovecraft.

She listened to Dazai's advice and used it accordingly to the situation. They didn't manage to run away, but you have to give her credit for maintaining her calm in this situation. Especially since unlike her brother she isn't used to being chased by the mafia. Her job is to take care of the paperwork not this. Also, when Junichiro and Atsushi were tricked by Higuchi, and their lives were put in danger, Naomi used her own body to protect her brother from the impact of the bullets. And I will once again repeat, she is supposed to be a normal worker. She is so brave, so strong, and so courageous that is hard to not admire her. Also, we saw how scared she was when Atsushi attacked her in chapter 25, and why wouldn't she? She almost died at the hands of someone she probably considers a friend. Someone who also happens to be really strong. Though, it wasn't Atsushi's fault since he was being controlled by Q, but still. Yet, chapters later, when Atsushi went to excuse himself, she (and Haruno) had already forgotten what happened, they didn't hate him for what he did. They understood. She is so precious and I love her. Admire her beauty:

[ocbungou]

Thank you, Sunflower, for submitting your application! Mod Dazai has gone over it and accepted it for approval into the ring. Please have your blog ready by March 6th. There is no deadline for your revised application. 

COUNTRY. MOSCOW, RUSSIA

NAME. LYOV ARON [ no need for formalities - just call him lyov ] PRONOUNS. HE/HIM AGE. TWENTY-SEVEN

ALIGNMENT. THE MAFIA

APPEARANCE. HE MIGHT AS WELL BE A VAMPIRE. HE’S NOT BUT THE POINTING AND THE LOUD ‘VAMPIRE’ FROM RUDE LITTLE BRATS PASSING BY DOES GET ON HIS NERVES. AND WORSE, HE KNOWS THE ADULTS THINK THE SAME THING. THEY’RE JUST NOT IDIOTIC ENOUGH TO VOICE IT [ well, most of them aren’t ]. BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, HE REALLY DOES LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE. HE SUSPECTS IT’S HIS UNNATURALLY PALE SKIN. OR MAYBE HIS EYES ARE TO BLAME. ITS WORSE AT NIGHT WHEN SOME BRILLIANT ASS THINKS IT’S FUNNY TO SHINE A LIGHT IN HIS FACE. HIS GOLDEN EYES APPARENTLY GLOW BRIGHTLY AND COUPLE THAT WITH HIS PALE WHITE SKIN, HE LOOKS LIKE SOME SORT OF SUPERNATURAL BEING. AN ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS SUPERNATURAL BEING [ because let’s face it, he’s ridiculously beautiful - and his vampire-like appearance has at least half to do with it ] BUT A SUPERNATURAL BEING NONETHELESS. SO NO HE CAN’T SPARKLE [ stupid tourists asking him stupid questions ]. GOD, WHAT RIDICULOUS ASSHOLE EVEN CAME UP WITH THE IDEA THAT BLOOD-SUCKING CREATURES SPARKLE? [ of course he knew who’s fault it all was, but he feels like being acidic about it all, so there. ] DENYING OTHERWISE WOULD BE JUST PLAIN SILLY. THE TRUTH IS, HE’S A GORGEOUS MAN WITH LOOKS THAT COULD KILL, AND HE KNOWS IT. IT IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE ONLY BENEFICIAL THING ABOUT HIS APPEARANCE. AND SURE, IT TAKES A CRAP TON OF TIME AND WORK AND MONEY TO KEEP UP HIS FANTASTIC LOOKS, BUT IT’S WELL WORTH IT. PRYING SECRETS OUT OF OTHERS IS RIDICULOUSLY EASY AND HE HAS HIS APPEARANCE TO THANK PLENTIFULLY FOR THAT. THERE’S REALLY ONLY ONE DOWNSIDE AND IT’S SUCH AN INSIGNIFICANT DOWNSIDE IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTE- OF COURSE IT MATTERS! GETTING HIT ON EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY IS NOTHING MINOR! TOURISTS. TOURISTS HIT ON HIM. SHALLOW WOMEN HIT ON HIM. EVEN SLEAZY MEN HIT ON HIM. AND HE IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT GAY ( a/n: go keep telling yourself that, my lovely lyov ). IT’S LIKE HE CAN’T GO TWO METERS FROM HIS HOUSE WITHOUT BEING FLOCKED BY ENTRANCED ONLOOKERS.  [ even if maybe a little tiny piece of enjoys the attention- like hell he did! ] HIS LOOKS MIGHT AS WELL BE AN ABILITY OF ITS OWN [ although he wouldn’t mind if it were his only ability ]… OKAY, SO HE MIGHT BE EXAGGERATING A TAD BIT - BUT STILL, HE MIGHT BE A GOD AMONG MEN, BUT WHY COULDN’T ANYONE EVER TAKE A HINT AND LEAVE HIM ALONE. HUMANS ARE SO STUPID.

PERSONALITY. EVER HEARD OF ‘BISHIE SPARKLES’? WELL, HE CERTAINLY KNEW NOTHING OF IT UNTIL HE FOUND HIMSELF IN THE ANIME-LOVING COUNTRY THAT IS AMERICA. HE SUSPECTS IF HE WAS IN AN ANIME, HE WOULD BE ADORNED BY THESE ‘BISHIE SPARKLES’.AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF HIS LOOKS. HE CONSIDERED HIMSELF A GENTLEMAN OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. [ oh how ironic it was. a gentleman’s whose job is to threaten/torture idiots who managed to somehow stumble in between the mafia and its goals. it truly is quite the twist to the story. except it’s not part of a fairytale where things are all black and white. he’s a captive of reality and reality sucks. ] HE’S A CHARMING MAN WITH A KIND SMILE. HE’S THE SORT OF PERSON  NO ONE EXPECTS THE MAFIA WOULD EMPLOY. IT’S BOTH TRUE AND UNTRUE. HE’S NOT THE LOST, FOREIGN CHILD HE WAS FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. BECAUSE BACK THEN HE WAS DESPERATE TO LIVE [ and angry too ]. HE VIEWED THE BOSS AS HIS SAVIOR. BACK THEN HE WAS NOT AFRAID OF HIS ABILITY. NOW, HE’S CALMER AND HATES USING HIS ABILITY. THE ONLY THING PROPELLING HIM FORWARD - KEEPING HIM FROM COMPLETELY DESERTING THE MAFIA - IS HIS FEAR OF DYING. BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS PASS BY, HE STILL RETAINS HIS STRONG DESIRE TO LIVE EVEN IF HE HATES HOW GODDAMN SELFISH IT IS.

too tired/lazy to continue writing + elaborating so here ya go – > charismatic/charming with all the lovely sparkling of your typical shoujo love interest > efficient/hardworking soul who undertakes responsibilities without complaint (mostly b/c he’s utterly terrified of the mafia) > kind outside of his job > ruthless is a quality which serves him well in the mafia > distant/secretive though he presents himself as a kind-hearted individual, he is distant all the same > selfish he lives life without any loyalties to force him down

ABILITY. FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW | RUSSIA’S REVOLUTION [ by leon aron ] WHILE HE MAY NOT BE A VAMPIRE, THE UNIVERSE SEEMS TO BE CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE HE’S A VAMPIRE. TAKE FOR EXAMPLE HIS GOD AWFUL ABILITY, FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. LONG ASS NAME. YEAH, HE KNOWS. IT’S NOT LIKE HE CHOSE THAT NAME [ because if it were up to him it wouldn’t be so long and stupid ] BUT HE HASN’T EXACTLY CHANGED YET. HIS REASON? WELL- ( a/n: carry on mr. bowditch, your answers are at the end ) IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER HE WANTS TO CALL IT SOMETHING OTHER THAN FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW, EVERYONE ELSE CALLS IT FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. AND DESPITE ITS UTTER RIDICULOUSNESS, IT SEEMS TO HAVE STUCK IN THE MINDS OF EVERYONE ELSE. WHO IS HE TO DENY EVERYONE ELSE OF THE PLEASURE OF RATTLING OFF  A FRUSTRATINGLY LONG NAME? THE RIDICULOUS NAME OF HIS ABILITY MIGHT BE LAUGHABLE TO HIM, BUT NOTHING ELSE ABOUT IT COULD EVEN BE CALLED REMOTELY FUNNY. NOT WHEN HIS ABILITY MIGHT AS WELL BE A TORTURE DEVICE. IT’S NOTHING TO LAUGH AT. IT’S DOWNRIGHT SCARY. AND THAT’S A MEMBER OF A RUTHLESS ORGANIZATION SAYING THAT. AND IT IS LYOV ARON OF ALL PEOPLE SAYING IT. SCARY ISN’T SOMETHING HE ADMITS TO EVERY DAY. HELL, HIS ABILITY IS PROBABLY THE ONLY THING HE CONSIDERS SCARY [ that and the mafia itself ]. AND REALLY, WHO WOULDN’T BE AT LEAST A LITTLE SCARED OF AN ABILITY THAT COULD SNATCH AWAY THE PRECIOUS LIFE SOURCE AND CONVERT A BODY INTO A LITERAL BURNING INFERNO? THERE IS A REASON HE SPECIALIZES IN TORTURING STUBBORN CAPTIVES. AFTER ALL, THERE’S ONLY SO MANY PEOPLE WHO CAN HOLD UP AFTER EXPERIENCING THE SORT OF HELLISH PAIN HIS ABILITY DELIVERS. IT’S SUCH AN IRONIC NAME, REALLY. THAT ABILITY OF HIS REDEEMS NO ONE. RATHER, IT PUTS OTHERS [ and him ] THROUGH HELL AND BACK. BACK FOR OTHER PEOPLE. FOR HIM? IT SUFFOCATES HIM IN HELL AND REFUSES TO LET HIM UP FOR EVEN A SHORT GASP OF AIR. HE HATES IT. BUT IT IS UNDOUBTEDLY A USEFUL TOOL FOR THE MAFIA. IT’S THE REASON THEY INDUCTED HIM INTO THE MAFIA AFTER ALL. ONE TOUCH IS ENOUGH TO SEND SOMEONE HISSING IN PAIN. AND APPARENTLY, CLOTHES AND GLOVES AREN’T ENOUGH TO STOP HIS ABILITY. ALTHOUGH IT DOES INTERFERE SLIGHTLY. DOESN’T CHANGE THE FACT HE HATES TOUCHING BLOOD, OR BLEEDING FOR THAT MATTER. NOT WHEN IT BURNS HIM EVERY SINGLE DAMN TIME HE TOUCHES IT [ his ability lets him convert blood into heat because of that one law which states matter can neither be destroyed nor created - gotta turn that blood into something ]. HE HATES TOUCHING ANY PART OF HIMSELF FOR THAT MATTER. THE PAIN IS JUST NOT WORTH IT [ because unfortunately, his ability will target anyone, including himself ]. A SIMPLE TOUCH WON’T KILL A PERSON - OTHERWISE HE WOULD ALREADY BE DEAD. IT ONLY AFFECTS A TIGHT RADIUS OF A FEW INCHES AROUND EACH INDIVIDUAL FINGER. IT’S LIKE GETTING A PAPER CUT - ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THE PAIN LEVEL. WHEREAS A PAPER CUT HURTS FOR A MILLISECOND AND CAN BE EASILY CURED BY LICKING THE CUT, A LIGHT TOUCH FROM HIM IS LIKE A MINOR BURN [ ie, spilling seconds after heating ramen noodles all over, thereby creating a minor burn and a strong desire for an ice pack ]. THE BLOOD LOSS IS NO DIFFERENT, HOWEVER. THAT DOESN’T MAKE HIS ABILITY ANY LESS BEARABLE WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHES HIS SKIN OR CLOSES HIS FINGERS TOGETHER. IT’S PAINFUL BUT IT’S NOT THE REASON HE FINDS HIS ABILITY SUCH A SCARY THING. THEN WHAT IS? THAT’S THE QUESTION IDIOTIC AND NOSY MEMBERS OF THE MAFIA SOMETIMES PRESS FOR ANSWERS. WHY IS HE SO SCARED OF HIS ABILITY WHEN, COME TO THINK OF IT, HE MARKED HIS FIRST ARRIVAL WITH A BRAWL THAT RESULTED IN ONE SORRY MESS OF A MAFIA MEMBER DELIVERED TO THEIR DOORSTEP. AS MADE QUITE CLEAR BY HIS ENTRANCE TO THE PORT CITY,  DIRTY TEEN LYOV HAD ABSOLUTELY ZERO INHIBITORS USING HIS ABILITY. SO WHAT IN WORLD PUNCHED HIM IN THE GUT, STABBED HIS EYE OUT, KICKED HIM IN THE HEAD FOR GOOD MEASURES, AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE [ scary ] PERSON HE ONCE WAS? OF COURSE, THEY DON’T PUT IT IN EXACTLY THOSE WORDS BUT THE MEANING IS STILL BEHIND THE WORDS. AND IT IS EASY ENOUGH TO SMILE CHEERFUL AND QUICKLY REDIRECT THE TOPIC TO SOMETHING OTHER THAN THAT [ because he’d be damned before he ever revealed the reasons behind his fear - it wasn’t an answer prying minds deserved to know ]. …HE REALLY DOES SOUND LIKE A VAMPIRE, HUH? HE BASICALLY CAN SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF OTHERS. SOUNDS PRETTY VAMPIRE-Y, SURE. BUT HE’S NOT THE LITERAL VAMPIRE AMONG THE MAFIA! THAT BLESSED ROLE AND TITLE GOES TO ANOTHER PERSON THAT ISN’T HIM. HE’S NOT SOME SORT OF WEAKLING WHO DROPS THE BALL EVERY TIME PEOPLE START GIVING HIM FROGS TO COUNT OUT. [ he won’t admit to his weakness, however, because he might as well sign his death on the dotted line if he does that. after all, the mafia is not tolerable of any sort of weakness existing within. ] notes on his ability – > touching skin/clothes even with gloves on do not completely stop his ability. however, they do hinder the rate which he can kill someone. direct contact with blood allows him to dissolve a body’s worth of blood in about 2~5 minutes, obviously depending since not all people have the same blood pressure. skin hinders him by about 2~3 minutes. > he can control how quickly or slowly he dissolves blood into heat to a certain extent. the numbers above are his limits under the circumstances that he has a tight grip on the target and using both hands. > contact with his fingers + palm. no other body part works. > he is exceptionally nimble and fast. not so far as being supernatural, but his athletic abilities do seem to push the limits of human capacities.

BACKGROUND.

( “HM? WHO PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF DECIDING THOSE THINGS!? WHY FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW ANYWAY? IT’S SUCH A MOUTHFUL.” )  

IT IS 1999. THE SOVIET UNION HAS BEEN DEAD FOR ALMOST A DECADE. BUT DON’T BE FOOLED TO THINK THAT ACTUALLY HELPED ANYTHING. LIFE IS STILL CRAP. SURE, HE WAS FAR TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER THE SOVIET UNION [ he was only a year old when it collapsed after all ] BUT EVEN WITH THE FALL OF THE SOVIET UNION, ONE THING STAYED TRUE: POVERTY. AS IT WERE, RUSSIA IS SADDLED WITH AN ECONOMY SINKING SINKING DOWNWARD. AND UNLIKE ALL THE BIGSHOTS IN THEIR COZY OFFICES, LYOV GETS THE SINCERE OPPORTUNITY TO FEEL THE FULL BRUNT OF THE AFTERMATH OF THE SOVIET UNION. ESPECIALLY AS AN ORPHAN WITH THE STREETS AS HIS HOME. HIS LIFE ISN’T EASY - HE SURVIVES ON SCRAPS AND WHAT LITTLE FOOD SYMPATHETIC PASSERBYERS OFFER HIM. IT’S NOT MUCH BUT HE’S ALIVE AND KICKING - SOMETHING HE DOUBTS HIS PARENTS WOULD HAVE EVER EXPECTED WHEN THEY ABANDONED HIM ON THE STREETS OF GRIMY OL’  MOSCOW.

( “IT’S TO COMPENSATE FOR YOUR SHORT NAME. I CAN’T EVEN FORM A CUTE NICKNAME BECAUSE IT’S SO SHORT!” )

HE HAS NO FUTURE IN RUSSIA. IT IS LEAVE OR DIE AND HE KNOWS IT ALL TOO WELL. MOSCOW IS FULL OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY, AND WHILE HIS ABILITY IS QUITE EFFECTIVE ON THIEVES, IT CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH AGAINST A GUN. AND HE’S NIMBLE ALRIGHT BUT DODGING THE BULLETS OF A GUN DO GET A BIT TIRESOME AFTER A WHILE. SO WITH ONLY BROKEN SENTENCES OF ENGLISH ON HIS TONGUE, HE WEARS THE SOLES OF HIS SHOES WALKING, HITCHHIKING, AND DOING WHATEVER NECESSARY TO REACH WESTERN EUROPE IN THE QUICKEST AMOUNT OF TIME. HE LOOKS ALMOST TWELVE WHEN HE FINALLY MAKES IT TO ENGLAND. FROM THERE HE SNEAKS INTO A CARGO SHIP DESTINED FOR THE UNITED STATES. CLOSE ENCOUNTERS HAPPEN ALL THE TIME. HE BARELY SLIPS BY UNDETECTED. HE’S A MINIMAL EATER, SO THE CREW DON’T NOTICE THE SLIGHT DECREASE OF FOOD UNTIL MUCH LATER. HE’S HONESTLY SURPRISED THEY EVER NOTICED AT ALL. HE’S SOMEWHERE AROUND TWELVE WHEN HE FINALLY REACHES THE PORT MAFIA.

( “THE NAME STILL DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, DON’T YOU THINK IT’S A BIT IRONIC EVEN?” )

HE’S ALMOST DEAD FROM STARVATION WHEN HIS LIFE CHANGES DRASTICALLY. HE’S SUFFERING ALL OVER WHEN HE STUMBLES UPON THE SCENE OF A CRIME. NOW HE’S NO STRANGER TO CRIMINAL ACTIVITY. MOSCOW WAS A HUB OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY AFTER ALL. IF HE WERE ANYONE ELSE HE SURELY WOULD HAVE RUN. ONLY AN IDIOT WOULD HAVE STAYED. AS IT WERE, HE WAS AN IDIOT. HE STOOD BARELY MOVING, ONCE LIVELY GOLDEN EYES STARING AT THE SCENE WITH A BLANK LOOK. IT DOESN’T TAKE LONG FOR THE KILLER TO NOTICE HIM. A GUN IS RAISED AT THE CHILD. BANG. IT ENTIRELY MISSES AND THE CHILD IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. THE KILLER CAUTIOUSLY MOVES FORWARD. INCHING SLOWLY, GUN OUTSTRETCHED. HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE RUN, ESPECIALLY THE MOMENT, HE SPOTTED THE WHITE BLUR. OH WELL. EASY TARGET FOR HIM.

( “NO, I THINK IT SUITS IT PERFECTLY.” )

THE WHITE-HAIRED BOY HOLDS A GUN IN HIS LEFT HAND A SMILE FLICKERING ON AND OFF HIS FACE. THOUGH NON-THREATENING IN BUILD, HIS EYES GLEAM THREATENINGLY. HE STRETCHES OUT WITH HIS RIGHT HAND AND LIGHTLY STROKES THE MAN’S FACE. THE ASSASSIN’S EYES BULGE AND HE JERKS BACK HISSING IN PAIN. “WHO ARE YOU?” THE BOY WHISPERS IN A FOREIGN ACCENT. HE STEPS FORWARD THREATENINGLY. “D-DO YOU MEAN WHO DO I WORK FOR? A-AH, THE P-PORT MAFIA.” “TAKE ME TO YOUR BOSS.” IT’S TRULY A WONDER HOW A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY WITH A PAINFULLY DIRTY LOOK CAN IMPOSE SO MUCH FEAR IN A MAN WORKING FOR THE CITY’S RUTHLESS CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION. AT LEAST HE’S NOT STUPID, LYOV MUSES. HE UNDERSTANDS HIS CIRCUMSTANCES. GOOD. AS THE GUN DISAPPEARS SOMEWHERE UNDER HIS CLOTHES, HE SHAKES HIS RIGHT HAND WITH A MENACING SMILE. “MOVE.” HE NODS. THE MAN WALKS STIFFLY WITH LYOV FOLLOWING BEHIND. THE ODD PAIR GARNER THE ATTENTION OF PASSING BY PEOPLE, BUT LYOV DEFTLY IGNORES THE CURIOUS LOOKS. THEIR FINAL DESTINATION IS A CORPORATE BUILDING. WHY IS HE NOT SURPRISED. “THIS IS IT,” HIS CAPTIVE SAYS, “DON’T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF. TAKE ME TO YOUR BOSS. THE MAN WHO RUNS EVERYTHING. NOW.” HE FLICKS HIS FINGERS AGAINST THE MAFIOSO MEMBER. HE MOVES FORWARD HESITANTLY. “Y-YOU SURE THAT’S A GOOD IDEA? THE BOSS ISN’T-” HE MUMBLES. “FORWARD.” A MOMENT PASSES BEFORE THEY BEGIN MOVING AGAIN. UP, UP, UP, AND UP. THE MAN BESIDE HIM FIDGETS, PERTURBED BY THE PROXIMITY OF THE BOY’S HAND WITH HIS SKIN. TOO BAD FOR HIM. THEY DON’T KNOCK. LYOV DOESN’T LET HIM. HE TAKES IN THE BOSS OF THE MAFIA WITH A QUICK GLANCE OVER. THIS MAN IS RUTHLESS. HE LIKES RUTHLESS PEOPLE. IT IS WRITTEN ON HIS FACE. SO LYOV KICKS HIS CAPTIVE IN THE SHIN AND A MOMENT LATER, THE MAN SCREECHES WITH A PAINED EXPRESSION. LYOV FEELS THE HEAT RISING FROM THE MAN’S BODY AT A RAPID RATE. HE MOVES HIS HANDS TO GRIP AT THE ASSASSIN’S NECK, HE WATCHES PASSIVELY AS ALL THE COLOR DRAINS FROM THE MAN’S BODY. “…RETRIBUTION,” HE SAYS. “FOR WHAT?” “BEING ANNOYING.” “YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY. YOU’VE TAKEN A SERVICE AWAY FROM ME. NOW YOU MUST GIVE ME YOUR SERVICES IN RETURN.” “OF COURSE.”

( “HM? HOW’S THAT?” )

HIS LIFE DRASTICALLY CHANGES AGAIN WHEN HE MEETS A  CURIOUS, GRAY-EYED BOY, THOUGH AT THE TIME HE IS NOT AWARE OF JUST HOW SPECIAL THEIR MEETING IS. ONE DAY, A CHEERFUL BOY COMES UP TO LYOV AND COMPLIMENTS HIS EYE COLOR. “YOU’VE GOT PRETTY EYES,” HE SAYS. AFTER THAT, HE APPROACHES LYOV EVERY DAY, COMPLIMENTING HIM ABOUT SOMETHING. IT WAS STRANGE AND CERTAINLY ANNOYING, BUT IT WAS ALSO HARMLESS SO LYOV DID NOT PAY THE BOY ANY MIND. HE IGNORED THE WEIRD BOY FOR THE MOST PART. UNTIL ONE DAY HE SAID SOMETHING DIFFERENT. “WHY ARE YOU SO LONELY?” A QUESTION, NOT A COMPLIMENT. HE NEVER ANSWERED. NOT THEN, AND NOT EVEN AS THE BOY DIED MANY YEARS LATER. IT’S NOT LIKE HE EVER NEEDED TO SAY ANYTHING. THAT BOY… HE ALWAYS KNEW. IT WAS ALMOST CREEPY HOW PERCEPTIVE THAT BOY WAS. AND FOR A TIME LYOV TRIED TO AVOID HIM. IT DIDN’T LAST LONG. THE SILVER-EYED BOY WAS BACK AT HIS SIDE BEFORE HE KNEW IT. AND HE DIDN’T JUST COMPLIMENT LYOV ANYMORE. HE TALKED. CONVERSED. IT WASN’T LONG BEFORE HE FOUND HIMSELF QUIETLY AGREEING HERE AND THERE.

( “WELL… DIDN’T YOU SAY YOU WERE ABLE TO SURVIVE SO LONG BECAUSE OF IT?” )

THE GRAY-EYED BOY TRULY WAS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE FROM THE HEAVENS. IT WAS THE BOY WHO LURED LYOV OUT OF HIS SHELL. SURELY, HE WOULD HAVE NEVER BECOME SUCH A LIVELY FIGURE HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE BOY. HE DOESN’T THINK HE WOULD HAVE EVER ALLOWED HIMSELF TO LIVE SO MUCH HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE BOY. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, THE BOY CRUELLY GAVE HIM A TASTE OF NORMALCY. NORMALCY HE COULD NEVER TRULY OBTAIN. MANY NIGHTS HE AGONIZED OVER HOW HIS LIFE MIGHT HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT IF HE HAD NOT JOINED THE MAFIA. IF HE HAD STAYED HIS HAND THAT DAY. IF HE HAD RUN. IT SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SUCH A SURPRISE THEN, WHEN THE MAFIA ORDERED THE BOY’S EXECUTION. AFTER ALL, IF THERE WAS EVER ANYONE NEARLY AS PERCEPTIVE AS THE BOY, IT WAS THE BOSS.

( “WELL YEAH, BUT… DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT MY ABILITY IS?” )

IT’S NOT EASY TO IGNORE THE SCREAMING. THE SCREAMING SO LOUDLY. IT ALMOST BREAKS HIS CONCENTRATION. HIS HANDS ARE PLANTED TIGHTLY AROUND HIS HANDS AS HE TRIES SO DESPERATELY TO FORGET JUST WHO HE IS USING HIS ABILITY ON. IRONICALLY, THE ONE WHO NAMED HIS ABILITY, FOR REDEMPTION OF SCARLET SNOW. ARGH! HE’S REALLY TRYING TO FORGET BUT HE DOESN’T WANT TO, DAMMIT! BUT HE HAS NO CHOICE. THERE’S NEVER A CHOICE, HE REALIZES. THE MAFIA DOES NOT PROVIDE CHOICES. ONLY ORDERS TO FOLLOW OUT LIKE A ROBOT. AND OF COURSE, IF A MALFUNCTION OCCURS, THERE IS ONLY ONE THING TO DO: ERADICATE IT. AND AS IT WERE, THE BOY SCREAMING IN FRONT OF HIM IS HIS MALFUNCTION. THE BUG TEARING DOWN THE SYSTEM.

( “YOU REFUSE TO TELL ME! OOH, IS THIS WHERE YOU’RE GONNA ADMIT YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST SECRETS? LIKE IN THE MOVIES?” )

HE REFUSES TO LOOK UP. HE DOESN’T THINK HE COULD BEAR THE DISGUST AND PAIN ETCHED ON HIS FACE IF HE LOOKED UP. AND GOD, HE WISHES THE SCREAMING WOULD JUST STOP ALREADY. BUT HE KNOWS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP IT IS HIM, AND HE KNOWS HE WON’T STOP IT. SO HE IS QUIETLY PRAYING - PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE. PRAYING FOR SOMEONE TO SAVE HIM FROM HIS FATE. BECAUSE HE SURE AS HELL CAN’T. HE KNOWS HE’S BEEN AT THIS FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR. IT COULD BE DONE FASTER - JUST UNDER NINE MINUTES IS HIS RECORD AFTER ALL. BUT HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO KILL HIM QUICKLY. HE’S SUPPOSED TO PROLONG IT. TO DRAW IT OUT. AND THEY DON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IF HE DOESN’T. BUT HE KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN. AND YEAH, HE’S A SELFISH COWARD, BUT HE DOESN’T WANT TO DIE, DAMMIT! HE- HE STILL HAD THINGS HE WANTED TO DO!

( “WHA- HEY! DON’T RUN AWAY- COME BACK, LYOV! YOU GOT TO ANSWER THE QUESTION!” )

HE FORCES HIMSELF TO MOVE ON [ but he never does ]. HE FORCES HIMSELF TO FORGET [ but he never does ]. HE TRIES TO MOVE ON. HE TRIES TO FORGET. EVERY DAY HE TRIES, BUT HE CAN’T. HE’S STUCK IN LIMBO. HE CAN’T FORGET. HE CAN NEVER FORGET.

( HE COULD NEVER FORGET HIS ONLY FRIEND, GRAY OWENS. )

HE IS NINETEEN.

SAMPLE WRITING. ( prompt: “on a scale from one to ten, how bad do you want to kill me right now?” - “i’m hovering somewhere in the high thirties.” – thefakeredhead, no 331 )

His heart beats loudly against his chest. It bangs and bounces without the same gentle touch it treated him just over an hour ago when he still thought the gray-eyed boy died fourteen years ago. He desperately smiles, fighting the urge to run. He’s an expert at hiding his fear, so his fingers do not curl (which would hurt, by the way) and his shoulders shrug back casually. But the gray-eyed boy glares at him unimpressed and he immediately knows Gr-Owens can see right through his carefully practiced mask. It is unfair, really. The gray-eyed boy has always possessed the uncanny ability to read his mind like an open book. It was never the other way, and more so today as he stares at the gray-eyed boy (well, perhaps not a boy anymore, but he still clings on to those sweet memories). The only emotion he can discern is understandable disgust. Disgust he completely deserves for abandoning his only friend. He does not quite know how to respond to the gray-eyed boy. Not when his only expression is cold disgust mixed with a load of anger. But he does know Owens awaits his answer vindictively if his crosses arms are anything to go by. That leaves him with only one option left: to bullshit his way through. So he adorns the most annoying smirk he can muster and says smoothly, “But you won’t anyway.” He’d be shocked if Owens refuted him. The gray-eyed boy had every right to kill him. Nothing held him back. Especially not after the pain he put him through. Besides, a coward like him did not deserve to live. Yet as he admitted it to himself, a large piece of him refused to die. He would fight and scratch and claw even the gray-eyed boy if need be. He’s already killed (or at least he thought he killed) him once - what’s a second time to him? ‘Everything,’ a sad and quiet voice that definitely was not his whispers. Everything, yes. But he’s willing to sacrifice everything if it means surviving.

( a/n: he’s hallucination owens - owens is most definitely dead and this is just him guilt-tripping himself and coming to the conclusion that he’s an immoral man who will do pretty much anything to survive )

(OC. SHOGO MAKISHIMA, psycho path)