#and yeah i know i get compliments in ao3 comments and under art posts

[theroundbartable]

Me: positive responses to my school work? The hell?

Teacher: well, yeah, you did good-

Me: but this- I! Did this!

Teacher: yes. Well done

Me: holy shite! I did good? What if I do another task?

Teacher: awesome!!!!

Me:

I present to you: the mind boggling concept of getting praised for your accomplishments rather than punished for your mistakes.

I've been living off this experience for over 6 months.

[bigskydreaming]

@princeescaluswords tagged me in a fanfic ask meme, and I’m loling at how few of the questions I can actually answer, because I swear I’ve literally forgotten more fandoms than most people will ever have. And I’ve probably written a good couple million words of fanfic all in total....

I know with just my first fandom alone, Roswell, I was in that one writing regularly for about three years and wrote and published probably a million words between the six or so ‘big fics’ I wrote......21 Down topped out at just over 200K, my Paradise Lost trilogy was probably a little longer as I think Genesis and Exodus were both around 80K and Revelations was probably closer to 100K. Riders of the Storm was around 120K.....Passage to Dawn I never actually finished because I scrapped it halfway through and started over.....and my revised version left off at around 50K I think, but the previous version before that had gotten up to 100K......and then I honestly can’t remember the names of my other two big fics at the moment, lmfao, I just know I had one more that was an amnesia trope fic and one that was....oh! Never mind, just remembered. The Long Dark Night of the Soul was one of my shorter ones, probably somewhere between 60-80K.

But yeah, that was just my first fandom alone......but fandom was a little different then, like in the sense that nobody was really writing posts about meta or episode or character analysis......Roswell fandom existed almost entirely on various messageboards and linked sites created by the community. It was years before Ao3 of course, and while ff.net was around, Roswell was one of those fandoms that just never congregated around it......people posting Roswell fics on ff.net were the outliers, the majority of fandom was centered around sites like roswellfanatics.net, crashdown.com and my personal site/board of choice to hang out and post at, polarattraction.com. I’m pretty sure all of those sites have been defunct for years, and I wish I’d done a better job of saving some of my own fics at least, lol. But point is, the fandom was geared just towards the writing and consumption of fanfic more than anything else......so if you were writing something, it was either a fic itself, or a comment on somebody else’s fic, lol. 

Anyway, was just reviewing my various past fandoms, the ones I could remember, and thought of Dark Angel fandom, which I haven’t thought of in forever. Which is kinda funny to me, actually, considering my focus in DA fandom was pretty much exactly my focus in Batfandom - the found family feels.

LOL. Like, I was never one of the better known writers in DA fandom given that my focus was not really the same as most of fandom’s. DA fandom was largely split into two camps locked in eternal ship war - Logan/Max and Alec/Max. I had by this time ‘evolved’ to the point of looking at this and just snobbishly intoning “I do not care for the Straightness of this all and thus I choose to Abstain from the conflict” so there was that at least.....but yeah, thing was, personally, I was in Dark Angel fandom for the found family feels. Max’s eternal search for her siblings she’d been raised with but lost track of when they escaped from Manticore as children.....like that was the good stuff, that was what drew me in and kept me under lock and key until I’d banged out a good couple years’ worth of constant fic writing about her and her siblings before I moved on.

But while Max’s search for her siblings was the catalyst and central plot of the first season of Dark Angel, fandom pretty much only ever took off with the introduction of Alec in the second season, when it became an either/or choice between Alec and Logan. And with most of the second season moving away from Max’s search for her family to focus more on the larger big-picture plots, combined with the fact that most of Max’s siblings never actually made an appearance onscreen.....understandably, they didn’t end up occupying too much of a role in most of fandoms’ fics or interests.

Anyway, like I said, I churned out a shit ton of DA fanfic in a pretty short period of time....my single most popular fic was probably one about transgenics racing to find a cure when they realize they’d been genetically engineered to all ‘expire’ by a certain age, since their creators had no use for genetically engineered super-soldiers past the prime of their lives.

But my personal fave bits of writing, and the series I reeeeeeally regret not saving and wish I could find again, like, there was this one series of one-shots (ranging from a couple thousand words long to some that were about 20-30K long) written about each of Max’s siblings.....all fifteen of them, lol. Jondy’s was the first one I wrote, and one of the first things I wrote in that fandom, and then I just added new stories to that particular series up until Jack’s, the very last one a couple years later....which I THINK was the last thing I ever wrote/posted in that fandom.

And since we only ever met about half of these characters on the show, and most of them only for an episode each, for the most part they were blank slates and the equivalent of writing OCs......and so I’ll always have a soft spot for my time in DA fandom solely because of how many people told me my version of Max’s various siblings was like, the definitive version for them and what they based their own fics or takes on her siblings on. Swoon. Like, that’s my favorite kind of compliment, especially in fanfic writing.

So that series was my Big Thing even if it wasn’t my most popular or well-known fic, and the various stories in it were weird and whimsical and largely experimental. Because part of the point of fic writing for me instead of writing original fic is its like....fanfic is often the place where I just get weird with my writing and try new things even just stylistically. See what works and what doesn’t, etc.

Anyway, kinda curious if there’s anyone out there who was in Dark Angel fandom at all to any degree, or if any of these sound familiar or if anyone remembers reading them.

Like, so Jondy was Max’s sister who we never met in canon but Max talked about often as being her favorite sibling, and her story in this series was called “Little Lightning Girl.” In it she was a stripper slash vigilante, who used her job to take note of predatory guys who then she preemptively scared away from her coworkers or ran totally out of town. I forget how it went exactly, but that one was written as though it was all her stream of consciousness, and she had to my mind a kind of chaotic, whimsical sort of nature, so there was something in there like: 

“Call me little lightning girl, for I’ve lightning in my veins. My hair is always frizzy, my steps all flicker-shimmy-shake. But when I strike, boom, clap, I’m thunder in reverse - by the time you hear the rumble, its already too late. That was you hitting the ground. Don’t hurry getting up. I can wait.”

And then Zane’s story was called “Zen and the Art of Not Breaking Your Customer’s Fucking Face (remember, its bad for business).”

Brin’s was “I Wasn’t Born Yesterday (but yesterday, I remember being very small).”

Zack’s was “Rules For When The Sky Is Falling (and this time it isn’t your fault).”

Syl’s was “The Kind of Girl You Bring Home to Meet Your Parents (when you’ve got the kind of parents that need killing).”

Ben’s was “They keep telling me I’m crazy (I say its the world that’s gone mad).”

Tinga’s was “A Storybook Kind of Princess (with a Grimm kind of happily ever after)” and Krit’s was “The Good Die Young, So Boy, You Better Be Bad.”

Kavi’s was “I Never Learned How To Play Ball (striking out comes naturally).”

Vada’s was “Chase Me To The Desert and Watch Me Live, I Bet I’ll Thrive (you better believe I was born to survive).”

And then Seth’s was “All Her Brothers’ Keeper (you keep your secrets and I’ll keep the watch).”

And though technically not escapees with the rest of them, I am anal and a completionist, so of course I had to write ones for Eva, Jack and Jace too. 

Eva’s was “Big Sisters Know Best (so when I say I’ll die for you, just say thank you and live).” 

Jace’s was “Leopards Never Change Their Spots (but why worry about my 5% leopard when I’m 10% shark). 

And Jack’s was “Shelter The Innocent (but don’t look at the boy without shelter and say that boy, he’s no good).”

Anyway, been randomly thinking about those today now. Well, not randomly since I can follow the train of thought that led me to thinking about them, but you know what I mean. Its just kinda funny to me that I do remember those particular stories so well when there’s entire other fandoms I can barely remember writing in at all. And DA fandom wasn’t even one I was in all that long, ever knew too many other people in, or like....idk. I definitely, definitely have written much more well read and frequently commented upon stories than that fairly random little series of almost-OCs, but for some reason it stuck around in my head a lot longer and a lot more clearly than a ton of other stuff.

[onwardintolight]

Han x Leia, ESB, Trip to Bespin, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Summary: ESB from Leia's POV. A journey from despair to hope, a blossoming, an opening to vulnerability and love.

Warnings: Deals with some heavy themes, incl. working through trauma, depression, self-harm, attempted sexual assault. Each chapter will be individually warned.

Note: I’m currently in the process of reposting the first nine chapters here in full, since when I first wrote this fic, I only shared links to the chapters on AO3 and FFN. I will try to post at least weekly. In the meantime, if you’d prefer to binge-read it, the entire fic is posted in full on AO3 and FFN.

Part: Masterlist | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | Epilogue

~~~

Puffy clouds of rose gold melted into orange, and violet striations marked the sky as if placed there by brushstroke. It was dawn, and the city in the clouds shone with reflected colors as the Falcon finally made its approach.

Leia’s breath would have caught at Bespin’s extraordinary beauty if it hadn’t already been shallow with worry.

Two small ships with twin pods, presumably from the Cloud City security force, flanked their side threateningly. A curt voice came over the comm.

“No, I don’t have a landing permit,” Han repeated. Annoyance filled his voice as he slowed down his enunciation in an effort to get the message across. “I’m trying to reach Lando Calrissian!”

Without warning, the Falcon jolted as the cloud cars fired on them. Leia sucked in a breath, alarmed at the unexpected escalation. Great, she thought.

“Wait a minute!” yelled Han into the comm. “Let me explain!”

“You will not deviate from your present course,” said the voice.

“Rather touchy, aren’t they?” remarked Threepio as he stood behind Chewie.

Leia glanced at Han. “I thought you knew this person.”

«You think he’s still angry at us for leaving him during that job on Socorro?» Chewie asked.

“Well, that was a long time ago; I’m sure he’s forgotten about that,” Han muttered.

Leia was not comforted. She glared at Han, biting her tongue to avoid saying something she would regret.

“Permission granted to land on Platform Three-Two-Seven,” one of their escorts said.

“Thank you!” Han growled. He paused, sensing Leia’s spiraling unease. “There’s nothing to worry about,” he insisted. “We go way back, Lando and me.”

“Who’s worried?” Leia replied dryly.

Following the cloud cars, they wove through the orange twilight into the still-shadowed city. Lights gleamed out of a hundred towers. Cloud City’s people were awakening and beginning their day; she could see their silhouettes in the windows as they passed, moving here and there. Homing in on the landing platform they were being directed towards, Han and Chewie began the landing cycle, and soon, for the first time in three weeks, they were on the ground. The sigh of the ship as it came to rest had a certain air of finality to it.

Wordlessly, the four of them rose and headed towards the boarding ramp, strapping on their weapons as they went. Han stopped her on the way, taking hold of her shoulders. “It’ll be all right,” he murmured. “I promise.” He gave her a quick kiss; she suspected it was as much to reassure himself as it was her.  She wanted to believe his words, but every sense was on edge, the warning klaxons in her head growing steadily louder. This was not helped by the fact that when they descended the boarding ramp, they found only shut doors and an eerie silence.

“Oh! No one to meet us,” Threepio exclaimed.

Leia shook her head, stopping at the bottom of the ramp. “I don’t like this.”

“Well, what would you like?” Han turned around to face her, exasperation finally getting the better of him.

“They did let us land,” the droid commented.

“Look, don’t worry,” Han said, reaching out a hand to pacify her. “Everything’s going to be fine; trust me.”

Leia set her lips in a straight line. Before she could reply, however, they heard the unmistakable sound of a door sliding open. Turning to look down the length of the platform, they saw two people—one of whom wore a cape—consulting with each other in the doorway before walking out onto the platform, followed by a cadre of guards.

“See? My friend,” Han said. Taking two steps forward, he paused by Chewie. “Keep your eyes open, huh?” he muttered to the Wookiee before striding out to meet the approaching party. “Hey!” he called, spreading out his arms in welcome.

The caped man, leading the group, did not do the same. “Why, you slimy, double-crossing, no-good swindler!” he said coldly. “You’ve got a lot of guts coming here, after what you pulled.”

«Uh-oh,» growled Chewie.

The man approached Han. Without warning, he lunged—except it turned into a hug instead. He started laughing. “How’re you doing, you old pirate? So good to see you!” His tone had completely changed. “I never thought I’d get to see you again! Where’ve you been?” At a signal from his aide, who appeared to be a cyborg, the guards left.

«Just like old times!» Chewie remarked cheerfully.

“He seems very friendly!” said Threepio.

“Yes,” grumbled Leia. “Very friendly.” She followed the other two as they went to to join Han in the middle of the platform.

“What are you doing here?” Lando was still quizzing Han.

“Repairs. I thought you could help me out.”

Lando frowned. “What have you done to my ship?”



“Your ship? Hey, remember you lost her to me fair and square.”

“And how are you doing, Chewbacca?” Lando turned to greet the Wookiee. “You still hangin’ around with this loser?”

«Better than hanging around with you!» Chewie teased, though Leia didn’t think Lando could understand him.

All of a sudden, Lando’s attention was entirely on her. “Hello, what have we here?” he crooned.

Leia bit back her anger at being called a “what.” Just… give him a chance, she told herself. Maybe he’s not so different from Han.

“Welcome! I’m Lando Calrissian, the administrator of this facility. And who might you be?”

“Leia.” She forced a smile, and the once-scoundrel bent down to kiss her hand. Her eyes met Han’s; she saw a flash of jealousy there, which made her feel rather gratified.

“All right, all right,” Han said good-naturedly, grabbing Leia’s hand as he moved between them and escorted her towards the door. “You old smoothie!” She smiled, the tension that had been building for days finally beginning to melt into the background. Whatever lay ahead, they would at least have a day or two together in this beautiful city. She intended to enjoy it to the fullest of her ability.

____

Lando led them through the elegant, curved white halls of Cloud City. There were picturesque plazas and beautiful works of art seemingly around every bend, and with a pang, Leia realized it reminded her of home.

There were no dark, foggy rooms in sight.

“How’s the gas mine?” Han was asking Lando. “Is it paying off for you?”

“Oh, not as well as I’d like,” he answered. “We’re a small outpost and not very self-sufficient. And I’ve had supply problems of every kind. I’ve had labor difficulties—what’s so funny?”

Han was laughing. “You! Listen to you. You sound like a businessman, a responsible leader. Who would have thought that, huh?”

Lando seemed pleased at the backhanded compliment. He stopped, turning to face his old friend. “You know, seeing you sure brings back a few things.”

“Yeah.” Han put a hand on his shoulder.

They shared a meaningful look, then Lando led them on. “Yeah, I’m responsible these days.”

Han glanced back, catching Leia’s eyes. She smiled at him and nodded her approval. There was something about Lando’s charm that made her uncomfortable, but setting that aside, he really did seem decent and respectable. See? she told herself. Han’s right. You need to stop worrying.

“…it’s the price you pay for being successful,” Lando continued, and he and Han shared a laugh.

Lando pointed out potential places of interest as they passed: restaurants, shops, entertainment. Han and Leia’s eyes slid towards each other again. Her mind wandered, imagining her hand in his as they enjoyed a dinner under the light of candledroids or attended a play in the Nabooian theater.

Their guest suite was at the top of a central tower, not far from the landing platform. It consisted of a circular lounging chamber from which other rooms branched off. On one side of the chamber was a great, long window with a spectacular view over the city; on the other side were several doors leading to a breakfast room, a refresher, a smaller second lounge, and a bedroom with its own private refresher.

Lando had taken his leave after showing them to their suite, but not before offering to provide them with anything that would make their stay more comfortable. Leia requested some fresh clothes, and soon several elegant and perfectly fitted gowns were brought up along with a hammock for Chewie, which he hung up in the second lounge.

After hanging up her clothes, Leia took a closer look at the bedroom. In the middle of the chamber was a very large bed with impossibly soft-looking pillows and silky sheets. When was the last time she had slept in a proper bed? She imagined curling up next to Han on it, drifting off to sleep.

Of course, there were… other possibilities such a bed could offer. Possibilities that were highly tempting. She swallowed hard. Suddenly, she felt much more uncertain about her decisions.

Hearing a sound behind her, she turned to find Han, staring at the bed with a similar expression. His eyes flickered up and found hers. For one long moment they gazed at each other in silence.

Leia bit her lip. “Han….” she trailed off.

He swallowed. Then blinking, he squared his shoulders. “Uh, Chewie ’n me are gonna go back and get our travel bags from the Falcon.”



Leia nodded, shaking off her thoughts. She followed him back out into the main lounge and quickly began making a checklist of things for them to bring back from the ship.

After a moment, she stopped short, frowning. Something didn’t feel right. Her eyes darted around the room, a sinking feeling in her heart. “Where’s Threepio?”

[femslashy]

2018 fic year in review

thank you so much for tagging me @homosociallyyours !! this was really fun (and also a bit hard haha) to do ^__^

1. number of stories (including drabbles) posted to ao3: 19 (6 100 word seasonal drabbles, and out of the rest 4 are under 1k and 2 are chaptered but one of those is still a WIP)

2. word count posted for the year: 142,383 which is def more than i’ve written in previous years but my initial goal for this year was 200k and then i lowered it to 150k and then decided i should focus less on word count and more on actually finishing the fics lmaooo

3. list of works posted this year in order of posting:

the tesco fic (although i didn’t make the tumblr post until recently)

three spring drabbles (100 words each)

begin again [timestamp] (my only snowbaz fic in 2018)

we’re swimming with the sharks until we drown

SPHERICAL

got me an appetite, now i can taste it

Take a Chance on Me

Getting Naked on Camera (NOT CLICKBAIT)

my favourite colour is you

louis tomlinson’s completely 100% foolproof guide to snagging the fit bloke next door (3 100 word drabbles)

no better place than right by your side

days gone by (WIP)

love the cronch

zero to sixty

where the love light gleams

4. fandoms i wrote for: mostly one direction and by that i mean i posted a timestamp for a carry on fic from 2017 and the rest was one direction lol

5. pairings: harry/louis, simon/baz (ONCE)

6. story with the most hits: Take a Chance on Me with 10975 hits :o

7. story with the most kudos: Take a Chance on Me with 426 kudos

8. story with the most comments: Take a Chance on Me with 52 comments threads

9. work i’m most proud of and why: well Take a Chance on Me was both my first time doing a big bang as well as the longest thing i’ve ever written (twice the length of the previous longest!) and i’m still completely in love with the art for it courtesy of @vulpixlou and i def don’t go back to stare at it ever nope 👀👀

10. work i’m least proud of and why: i mean i could nitpick the hell out of my stuff and i know there are certain bits i would write differently now but at the same time i created something with my brain that didn’t exist before and that’s just too cool not to be proud of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing:

this is from Take a Chance on Me (shocker) and i was having trouble thinking of my fave but then i was skimming through all of my fics and ngl i had forgotten about this bit but y’all i’ve been trying to work a Dramatic Airport Reunion into a fic FOR FUCKING EVER and i finally did it and i actually don’t hate it? (spoiler for the ending of Take a Chance on Me)

“See…” Louis starts. “See, there’s this guy. And, oh god, he’s an absolute twat. Wanna know what he did to me?” Harry nods faintly, and Louis, emboldened now, goes on. “So, I already knew who he was, right? I knew him, because he’d been in this god-awful boy band for years, and even if me bloody sisters hadn’t been so bloody in love with him, I’d still have known him, because he was just that famous.”

“I wasn’t that famous.”

“Don’t interrupt,” Louis chastises, and Harry mimics zipping his lips. “So this guy, I knew him, but he didn’t know me, but, fucking hell, I think someone forgot to tell him that, because there I was, minding my own business, when this kid just…” Louis giggles then, because the memory is just so ridiculous, “he just starts fucking singing to me, can you believe it?”

Harry shakes his head. “What a weirdo.”

“Right? The weirdest.”

“What happened next?”

“I fell in love with him.”

“What? That soon?”

“Of course not, Jesus, Harold. I’m not that pathetic. I waited the appropriate amount of time to fall in love, thank you very much.”

“Is that why you’re here, then?” Harry whispers. “Is it because you love him?”

“That’s part of it, yeah. I love him, and I love the way we just fit, and I adore his daughter, and our pets are friends now, and I think our sisters are best friends now, so they didn’t actually give me a choice, but do you want to know the biggest, most important reason?”

Harry nods quickly, so hard his chin bumps his chest, and Louis’ so fucking in love with him at that moment that these are the easiest words he’s ever said.

“I’m here,” he tells Harry, “because I was lying in my own bed, in my own house, surrounded by all my things, and all I wanted to do was go home.”

He’s yanked forward then, Harry’s fingers digging into his shoulders, and he barely feels the pain because it’s Harry, and everything’s good when it’s Harry. He’s babbling into Louis’ neck, and the only words he can make out are his name and “love you” and he shivers with the feeling.

Harry’s hair has grown out enough since the night Louis snuck in to see him that he can tangle his fingers in the strands. So he does, pulling Harry’s face away from his neck and pressing their lips together. Every kiss feels like an apology. Every kiss feels like home.

12. share or describe a favorite review you recieved: so this miiiiight be cheating but i received two comments on a fic i wrote in 2015 and it was kind of a surprise that something that old still held up and people still enjoy it? def made me feel better about my current writing and also anyone who quotes my fics back to me has earned my undying love and affection

13. a time when writing was really, really hard: i have adhd so p much always ahahaha

14. a scene or character you wrote that most surprised you: the entirety of “we’re swimming with the sharks until we drown” ngl because i struggled with the like… morally gray criminal-y elements? and portraying the two of them in such a different way while still staying in character which i like to think i nailed? hopefully lol

15. how did you grow as a writer this year? i don’t feel like a i have? but i’m also bias and hypercritical so maybe i did and just didn’t realize ahaha

16. how do you hope to grow next (this?) year: i want to enjoy writing again and i want to finish more fics and not let them rot in my docs because of self-doubt

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer: okay so first @amandaisnotwriting is the real MVP as she bears the brunt of my whining/complaining/drama queen moments as well as the fact that she listens (some would argue is forced to :p) and reads over fic for a pairing she doesn’t ship for a fandom she doesn’t care about 😂😂😂

@rainbowbaz always makes time to look over my fics even when she’s crazy busy and is honestly amazing and saves my fics from americanisms ahahaha

and FINALLY we met p late in the year but but @livingatthelairport ‘s comment on “the tesco fic” helped me out of a writing slump and now she’s become my cheerleader (and friend 💜) and that’s make a huge difference in my attitude towards writing! it’s also easier to write a fic for a specific person than worry about the opinion of a crowd which is def something i’ve been missing in this fandom rip

also to everyone else who has read my fics, listened to me rant about them or just helped the process along in any way at all this is a GIANT thank you!!

18. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year? i mean i can’t think of anything off the top of my head but a lot of my inspo comes from the world around me so probably lol

19. any wisdom you can share with other writers: there’s nothing wrong with feeling jealous of other writers because i’m not a fan of hiding feelings just because they’re ugly as long as you don’t let it fester and turn into resentment or make you bitter. there are a lot of factors that go into a fic becoming “big” in a fandom but honestly most of it is just random chance so don’t beat yourself up because someone else’s success is not your failure and it’s nice to get recognition for your hard work but if you’re writing solely for the feedback then you’re writing for the wrong reason and that will lead to the resentment and bitterness mentioned earlier

also if you compliment someone you say you like their outfit but if you complement someone then you complete them

20. any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I’M GLAD YOU ASKED

these are all the things i didn’t start and/or finish in 2018 that WILL be completed this year

the cat fic

the doctor fic

the final three chapters of days gone by

penpal AU

Space. Florist.

teenage fanboys who are also best friends

baking blog fic

a short follow up to tacom

twitter drama fic

80’s/’high school’/secret admirer!AU

something based on yawning grave by lord huron

part three of the alien harry series

chocolate orange holiday fic

LA fic (wtwm)

70’s fic

monkey fic

i’m also planning to do the @larryabroad challenge again because i had so much fun with it last time :D

21. tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

p sure everyone has done this but if you haven’t then do it now! and also tagging @cosyblack k bc you’ve had a really good year even if i have beta bias 😂

this took waaay longer than i thought it would omg but it was nice to take a look back!!

[artificialqueens]

Twist Of Fate - Ch05 - (Trixya) - katyahzamo

A/N: Fake instagrams for Trixie and Katya were made because I am that extra: click here for Trixie and here for Katya.

A reminder: Trixie is a hairdresser and Katya is a struggling photographer slash yoga instructor. Lesbian AU. Read the chapters on AO3 and/or come hang out on my tumblr katyahzamo. Comments are welcome and encouraged!

“I didn’t see you like this in a long time. Are you sure that last cup of coffee wasn’t too much for your skinny ass?”

Violet is sitting on Katya’s old couch, legs tucked under her elbow propped on the back, watching Katya come out with the fourth outfit that evening. It’s almost time to leave for the event and she has nothing to wear.

“Oh shut up. How long did it take you to look like that before you came over?”

Katya’s best friend is sitting there looking like a goddess, as always. Even in long, loose black pants her legs look amazing, and the emerald corset clings perfectly to her thin torso. With her hair pulled back in a ponytail, she looks effortlessly beautiful, and Katya doesn’t know whether she wants to bang her or envy her. Maybe a little bit of both.

“I literally just put on the first thing I found. But no, I’m serious bitch, since when are you obsessing over the color of your dress?” There’s a gasp then, making Katya turn away from staring herself in the mirror and back at Violet.

“Wait– do you have a date? Did Katya Zamo finally meet someone? You never go to these things. Is a girl making you go?”

Typical Violetta. She’s been set on finding Katya a girlfriend ever since they stopped dating each other in college, and at the same time discovering no one Katya dated was good enough for her. Violet was four years younger and they met in one of Katya’s art classes, hitting it off immediately. Their relationship was short, mostly sexual, and it ended up evolving into a friendship based on mutual understanding and never-ending support.

Violet believed in Katya when she went to rehab for her alcohol addiction post-college, believed in her when she had one dead-end, low-paying job after another, supported her when she finally bought her first professional camera and insisted Katya take all of her pro shots, despite photographers lining up to work with her. She was the first one who told her Sharon was a piece of shit who did not treat Katya right, and the first one who came running in the middle of the night when Katya called her after Sharon packed her bags and left.

Despite being hot-headed, arrogant and a bit of a narcissist, all qualities many people find off-putting, Katya loves her very much and knows her big ass heart is in the right place. Even though she’s not in town five months out of the year, she’s been Katya’s rock throughout the last year of her and Sharon’s relationship, and after it ended, too, even more so than Ginger.

“Fuck off, I don’t have a date. I just—I don’t know. I miss being around people and loud music. I miss going out with you, bitch, even though you always leave me for a threesome whenever we do.”

Katya wishes she had a date with her hot hairdresser, but wouldn’t say that out loud, for fear of having Violet on her case about it for the rest of the night. She’s already had issues not blushing when she told her that Trixie’s back and is the main reason her hair and bangs are short again.

Violet’s face falls in disappointment at the answer but takes a sip of her mojito and shrugs, not looking sorry at all.

“Girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. There’s going to be a lot of agency girls you know tonight, Fame, Shea, Naomi. They’re all coming to see Pearl’s set. She’s like this, huge DJ from the West Coast. I heard she even toured around Europe and Australia. The lesbians go insane wherever she goes.”

Katya laughs, discards another black dress and fixes her hair instead. She’s been walking around the apartment in her underwear for an hour and a half now, ever since she got out of the shower and blow dried her bob straight.

“You know lesbians love hot DJs, Vi. Didn’t you date one last year?”

“Yeah, I still have fond memories of her ass when I get lonely.”

Katya wheezes and smacks Violet’s knee as she passes by her and disappears into the bedroom again.

“Wait, I know!”

She hears Violet yell after her and hears her shuffling as she gets off of the couch and walks into the bedroom, pushing Katya a little bit to the side to take a look at her messy closet.

“Oh god.” Katya laughs, but lets Violet dig through her clothes and sits on the bed instead, watching her. It doesn’t take long for her to find what she was looking for, and soon enough she’s holding a lace bralette Katya hasn’t worn in years and a pair of black shorts to match – she is fairly sure Violet was the one who bought this for her birthday ages ago.

“Here, put that on. Do you still have those red shoes? You should get them and— this.” She pulls out a black lace see-through button up and puts it on the bed gingerly, grinning.

“You’re going to look smoking hot in that. Now hurry up, we’re going to be late for Pearl.”

.

.

.

The line outside of the club is huge – it stretches out for an entire block and Katya thinks that lesbians (and gay men, and everyone in between) are going insane over this Pearl girl. She’s curious to see her now and to hear her set, and at the same time nervous because Trixie is going to be there. When Violet went to the bathroom to touch up her makeup while still in her apartment, Katya spent five minutes staring at her own abs from all angles, exposed through the see-through shirt. She thanked yoga for keeping her in shape, and was actually a little impressed at how long her legs looked in the outfit Violet chose.

Once they parked the car and headed for the entrance, Violet saying they would let her in once they recognized her, Katya’s phone buzzed and she dug it up from the little purse Violet made her carry with her.

Unknown: Hey Katya, it’s Trixie :D

Unknown: We’re already inside, table reserved close to the bar

Unknown: Bob put you and Violet on the list so just tell the bouncers

Unknown: See you soon!

The message is followed by a string of flower emojis and Katya showed the message to Violet, who grinned.

“Bob coming through as usual, I love that guy.”

Katya is too excited to tell her that it was probably Trixie who insisted they were put on the guest list, and says nothing until after they are let through.

“Violet! Katya! Finally!”

Pairs of hands grab each of them by the wrist in the dimly lit room, purple lights flashing to the rhythm of the music Katya has never heard before, and it takes her eyes a moment or two to adjust. She really should have just gone with glasses instead of her contacts, but Violet insisted. Katya is sure that her friend wants her to get laid tonight.

Two pairs of hands that stopped them belonged to Shea and Courtney, both from Violet’s modeling agency, both tall and gorgeous, and Katya is suddenly glad she dressed the way she did. They take turns in hugging both of them; complimenting Katya’s hair, Violet’s outfit and telling them they arrived just in time for the party.

“We were late because Katya took forever to decide on an outfit, so I ended up doing it for her.”

“Girl, you did an amazing job. Katya, you look stunning!”

She doesn’t remember Courtney having an Australian accent, mostly because they met only once, briefly, when Katya did a job with Violet and Fame several weeks before. She remembers Shea better, because Shea insisted on Katya joining them for lunch, saying she reminded her of her Russian girlfriend, Sasha, who was on a world tour traveling with her theatre troupe. Shea is the one complimenting her now, leaning back a little to take a good look at her outfit.

“Court’s right, you’re definitely giving me a Black Widow spy realness here. You should be in the photos with us next time.”

Katya’s laughing and waving her hands in protest.

“Hell no, I’m the one making art happen and I’d like it to stay that way, thank you very much.”

“I’m not sure about that, I bet you’d be a great model.”

“In Russia, maybe.”

“Well you know, you gotta start somewhere.”

They’re all laughing and for a moment Kaya forgets that she’s supposed to be nervous about Trixie. It doesn’t take them long to reach the bar and order drinks, cocktails for the three of them and a soda for Katya.

“Vi? I’m going to find Trixie and her friends, thank her for letting us know about the list. You coming?”

“I’ll come by later. Pearl’s set is starting soon and I really want to see her up close. If you know what I mean.”

Katya wheeze laughs, and Shea and Courtney join her too. Violet is known among her friends for having a thing for DJs and musicians in general, so having her at least flirt with Pearl sometime during the night would hardly come as a surprise to anyone.

“You can try, girl, but I hear she has a girlfriend she met on the road this year. Apparently they’ve been together since January.”

“Shea, since when has that stopped her from getting laid?”

Katya can hear them bantering about Violet’s sexscapades even after she walks away, making her way through the crowd, looking for one particular blonde head, her drink gripped firmly in her hand. She sees her before Trixie even looks her way, and reluctantly has to acknowledge the butterflies acting up in her gut again. Sweat is already forming on the back of her neck and she’s blowing the bangs from her eyes, praying that she still looks semi-decent, despite the stuffy air and nerves.

“Katya!” Their eyes meet just when the host walks on stage to announce Pearl, and Katya knows she has a very small window for conversation before the place erupts. “You made it!”

“Yeah, I tried! How are you?”

“I’m great, yeah. Katya, these are my friends, Shangela and you know Adore, right?”

Adore, yes, that’s the name of the girl who took the photo of her haircut back at the salon the week before.

“Hey girl, looking fine!” Adore yells over the host’s voice when she pulls Katya into a hug, which surprises her a little but she hugs back all the same. She looks young, younger than Trixie, and gives off a grunge vibe that Katya approves of immediately. Her voice is slightly drawn out; just as she remembers from the first time she met her.

“You too!” Katya says, aware that Trixie’s eyes are on her.

“Oh you’re the Atomic Bland girl they put up on Facebook, right?” Shangela hugs her next and Katya reciprocates. She is a tiny, compact woman with a blindingly beautiful smile and hair that reaches past her waist. Even in heels, she is smaller than Katya, but her energy definitely makes up for her height.

“Is everyone calling me that now?” Katya asks, eyes wide and grin wider, glancing over at Trixie.

“Hey, you came up with that yourself. I’m giving your brand the recognition it deserves.” Trixie shoots back, and Katya isn’t nervous anymore. This feels right, and easy, and she has not been this relaxed in a public setting in a painfully long time.

Any other attempt at communication is drowned by the crowd once Pearl walks on stage, and the club explodes with girls (and boys) everywhere shouting her name and whistling, making Katya wonder how on earth she never heard about her before. Not that she was necessarily immersed into the pop culture that much, not even the LGBTQ+ one, sticking to the 70s, 80s and early 90s obscure music, but every single person in this place seemed to know exactly who Pearl Liaison was, making Katya, once again, feel like a grandmother. As soon as the music starts playing, everyone rushes to the dancefloor, and judging by the genre, it’s easier to pinpoint why she didn’t know about her in the first place.

She left her tolerance for electronic music go when she graduated college and stopped drinking, but even she has to admit that Pearl is good. She commands the room so easily, and the way she holds herself reminds of days when Violet preformed burlesque, full of confidence and full of love for her audience. It helps that she is hot as hell, too, platinum blonde hair tied up into two buns on top of her head and makeup so good even under the harsh clubbing lights. It’s no wonder whatsoever why she’s so loved by every single girl in this place.

“Holy shit she’s good!” Katya yells over the music, leaning over to Trixie and Trixie nods, sipping on her vodka soda (or so Katya assumes), her hips swaying to the music a little bit.

“Girl, I wanna dance!” Adore yells from the other side of the table and Shangela agrees, taking her hand and pulling her into the crowd that’s somehow even bigger than it was five minutes ago. Katya wants to ask Trixie to dance too, but she is somehow still unsure how Trixie will react if she suggests it.

“Do you want to dance?” Trixie seems to be reading her mind again, and a slight shiver goes down her spine when she feels those pink lips so close to her ear, and Katya’s nodding without a second thought. They leave all of their things with the bartender that Trixie seems to know (who does Trixie not know, Katya wonders) and head to find either Adore and Shangela or Violet and the rest of her gang, Katya’s goosebumps permanent  when Trixie takes her hand and tugs her along.

They don’t find any of their friends and after a while they stop looking. This close to the stage Katya can barely hear herself think, which might be a good thing after all, seeing Trixie’s cleavage up close like this, pale, soft flesh glistening with sweat as she dances right across Katya with her eyes closed, feeling the music with her entire body.

Katya dances too, but her eyes don’t leave Trixie’s face looking angelic under the strobe lights that pulse with the music and the bodies moving all around them. She can feel the beat in her ears, her throat and deep behind her ribs, thinking briefly about how good dancing to this music must feel to people who took things stronger than alcohol tonight. It makes her sober ass exhilarated now; though Katya’s sure it’s not just the music making her feel this way.

Trixie’s long, blonde hair is suddenly in her face as she turns her back to her, hips swaying and slightly grinding against Katya’s front, and she has the urge to howl. There’s no reluctance in her fingers that move to grip Trixie’s hips, letting them guide her own steadily, and just when she thinks she might die and ascend to heaven, there’s a voice in her ear, yelling.

“Hey bitches, having fun?”

Trixie pulls away from her immediately, her face beet red from what Katya assumes is the heat, and Violet is grinning that teasing, shit-eating grin Katya recognizes very well.

“Where the hell have you been?” Katya yells back as loud as she can while Violet hugs Trixie, trying to appear fine and not turned on at all, but the look on Violet’s face tells her that she’ll have to go to the washroom and fix her face as soon as possible.

“Up front!” Violet yells back, her glare drilling inside Katya’s head, as if mutely asking what it is she interrupted just now. Katya blinks at her innocently, so she rolls her eyes and continues. “Fame and Naomi were asking for you, do you want to join us?”

Katya is tempted to say no but she doesn’t want to prompt Violet to ask more questions than she undoubtedly will the moment she catches her alone, so she looks at Trixie instead. Trixie is looking at Pearl who just switched the songs and smiled at the crowd, dancing to the beat of her own music, and then looks back at Violet.

“Sure! I have no idea where Adore and Shangela are, I’ll have to find them later!”

“Adore, the blue-haired chick? Yeah, they’re with us, she did Shea’s hair for the photoshoot this week!”

They make their way to the larger group, with a little bit of trouble, when the beat changes to something softer and easier to dance to. Naomi and Fame pull Katya into a hug and are introduced to Trixie. Soon after they are all dancing together, making Katya think how much she missed being surrounded by a lot of girls. A lot of friends, too, just having fun and not thinking about anything past that night. Trixie doesn’t come as close to her for the rest of the set.

At one point during the night and towards the end of Pearl’s set that has lasted more than two hours, half of the group breaks apart to get more drinks and retrieve Trixie’s, Katya’s, Shangela’s and Adore’s things from the bartender and move them to the models’ booth, half remains to hang around on the dancefloor, and Katya goes to pee and fix the makeup that is undoubtedly melting off of her face at this point.

She is aware that everything will hurt from all the dancing in the morning, but her mood has been at the all-time high for hours. She happily recalls a moment when Naomi wrapped her arms around her neck and danced closer to her than even Trixie did, and the way Trixie’s eyes followed their every single move, and the way she quickly looked away when she noticed Katya looking back.

Katya feels like she’s deaf once the ladies’ bathroom door closes behind her, and can feel her own pulse in every inch of her skin. Once in the stall, she hears the door open again and finds herself wishing it’s Trixie.

It’s Violet.

“So when were you gonna tell me you’re in love with Trixie Mattel?”

Here we go.

Violet’s perfectly shaped eyebrow is quirked, arms crossed on her chest as she leans on the bathroom counter, watching Katya wash her hands.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh bitch, you’re telling me that dry humping and eye fucking the entire night was nothing?”

Her words are slurred and Katya realizes that for those two hours she has forgotten that other people drink. Not needing to drink to have fun seemed like a possibility for the first time tonight after years of dreading of going back to places where she’s the only sober one. Trixie has been drinking the entire night too, even stumbled over Katya’s foot as she headed back to the bar.

“We’re just friends, Vi, it’s not that serious.”

“When was the last time you danced like that with me, your best friend?  I call bull. shit.”

Katya laughs at the whining tone and shakes her head, turning to face the other.

“Oh that’s what this is about. You’re jealous.”

She should know better than try to deflect. Violet probably knows her better than Katya knows herself, and is currently having none of it.

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, honey. But I’d say you should definitely go for it. Now give me a hug.”

Katya holds the embrace for couple of moments longer and Violet squeezes her back before heading for one of the stalls.

“Are you okay by yourself in there?” Katya calls when she hears Violet fumbling with her pants on the other side of the door.

“I’m fine! I’ll go backstage to look for Pearl, she’s almost done. You go be with your girlfriend!”

Katya wants to protest but that’s a futile battle with a tipsy, determined Violet, so she just pushes the door and goes to find the rest of the group.

Almost everyone is sitting at the private booth, some of them on their phones, others talking to each other, and Fame is on some boy’s lap, laughing at whatever he’s saying in her ear. It takes her one look to notice that Trixie is not here, or Adore for that matter, so she sits next to Shangela who pushes a new bottle of Coca Cola her way.

“You okay, girl?” Shangela looks up from her phone and at her and Katya nods.

“You?”

“Oh yeah. I’m texting Adore’s girlfriend, Bianca, she’s on her way here to surprise Adore.”

Katya looks around to see that the majority of the crowd has gone back to their seats, only a handful most persistent ones still on the dance floor. DJ Pearl’s spot on the stage is empty now, the music coming from the speakers probably a part of a club’s regular playlist.

“Isn’t she a little late for the party? Where’s Adore anyway?”

She actually wants to ask where Trixie is, but if Violet saw right through her immediately, she doesn’t want one of Trixie’s friends to clock her too.

“Bianca’s a stand-up comedian, traveling around the country a lot this time of year, and Adore had no idea she’s back, she just flew in this evening.  That’s why it took her forever to come here. Adore’s probably outside, smoking. She’s found her weed friends so…”

Shangela motions dragging a smoke from the blunt and Katya laughs, thinking how she could use a cigarette too. She decides to stay to see where Trixie is and get her to go outside with her so they can talk properly.

Trixie doesn’t come back for a while, and Katya uses the time to talk to Shea who comes to sit next to her when Shangela goes to the bar to wait for Bianca. Shea talks to her about her portfolio, Shea’s girlfriend Sasha and her theatre troupe, yoga and everything in between. She has no idea how much time has passed when she sees Violet running in her high heels across the dance floor and hears a group of girls’ delighted screams when they spot Pearl coming from backstage right after Violet.

“That bitch.” Shea shakes her head, looking at Violet’s face when she struggles to pass through a group of Pearl’s fans, her eyes landing on Katya and she darts her way.

“Did you bang her backstage you fucking sl—“ Shea starts but Violet cuts her off with her hand raised as she squeezes into the booth besides Katya, sandwiching her with Shea on the other side.

“You’re never going to believe who Pearl is dating.” She says, but Katya isn’t listening or looking at her.

Katya is looking at Trixie who’s on the dance floor now too, phone in her hand, taking a photo of Pearl and two girls, all three of them raising two of their fingers in a ‘peace’ sign. The girls take the phone from Trixie’s hand and giggle, then walk away, and suddenly Pearl’s in Trixie’s personal space.

Katya doesn’t want to register what Violet is saying as she sees Trixie’s arms wrap around Pearl’s neck, she doesn’t want to acknowledge Trixie’s lop-sided smile or the way Pearl’s arms hug her small waist and pull her close. She feels heart (or is it bile?) rise up her throat when their lips meet and a round of ‘awwwwww’s erupts from the onlookers. She only barely registers Fame who came back and took a spot next to Shea and Katya looks away only when she hears her speak.

“Am I the only one seeing Pearl Liaison kissing Trixie Mattel right now?”

.

.

.

Katya is outside only moments later, and she hears a startled yell from her right, only to realize she’s probably banged the back door open. Outside, away from the music, it must have been loud.

“Katya, you scared the living hell out of me!”

Adore’s bambi eyes are big, and blood shot, but she’s smiling at her anyway and comes over to hug her tightly. Katya hugs her back hesitantly at first, but relaxes a little bit when Adore continues hugging her drunkenly, and for a full minute Katya thinks Adore might have fallen asleep on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Katya rasps, surprised she didn’t throw up instead, rubbing Adore’s back gently and trying to blink away the image of Trixie kissing the most beautiful DJ in the world.

“Oh yeah, ‘m fiiiiiiine. A lil’ drunk.” Adore draws out and finally pulls back, the lack of her body heat leaving Katya shudder, and not entirely because of the chilly night air.

“You sure?”

“Mhmm. Just had a smoke with some people and had to stay, fresh air, all that. What about you? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

“I’m okay, I just needed a smoke.”

Her hands are shaking as she lights up the cigarette after Adore refused one for herself, and her breath is shaky as she exhales the smoke, trying to remember any of the breathing exercises her past therapists taught her.

“Is Pearl done?” Adore asks, and Katya feels her stomach drop to her ass at hearing the name.

“Yep, just saw her with Trixie and the fans.”

Adore nods and blinks once, twice, and then her eyes widen in a delayed reaction. If Katya wasn't as pissed, or as miserable, she would have laughed.

“Ohhhhhh, right. You sure you’re okay?”

Several things happen in Katya’s head then. Adore is Trixie’s friend, she realizes, so she probably knew all this time that Trixie had a famous DJ for a girlfriend. It’s probably the reason all of them are here, because she knows Trixie doesn’t listen to electro, and Adore definitely doesn’t look like she listens to anything but Nirvana. They’ve all come here to support Trixie’s girlfriend, and Katya has made an ass out of herself, flirting with Trixie, and holding her hand and dancing close to her to the music Trixie’s girlfriend was playing.

The way Adore looks at her now makes her think that she has somehow clocked her feelings, because if Violet has done it, everyone else must have too, and now Adore feels sorry for her and Katya can’t stand it.

“Yeah, I’m good.” It comes out a bit sharp, and she feels bad about it immediately.

Her hand reaches out to squeeze Adore’s wrist gently, knowing the younger girl will forget all about Katya’s trouble as soon as she sees her girlfriend who’s somewhere inside, waiting to surprise her.

“You know what, Shangela was looking for you by the bar, she says she has something urgent to tell you. I think you should go back inside.”

“Really?”

“Yep. It’s good, I promise.”

Katya manages a grin and even a laugh as Adore hugs her one more time and practically runs inside. She’s a good person, Katya thinks, and good people deserve good things happen to them. What was that bad that she, Katya, put out into the universe for it to treat her this way, she has no idea.

Katya: I’m going home, I’m tired.

Katya: Can you pick up my stuff and bring it over tomorrow?

Violetta: heu btch, f cuorse

Violetta: r u k?

Katya: yeah, just tired. You ok with taking an Uber?

Violetta: ys

Violetta: gna go with Fame n Shea

Violetta: I’m sry

Violetta: fr Trxiie

Katya: Good. Talk to you tomorrow. Text me when you get home

Violetta: u to bitch

Violetta: love yuo

Katya feels like she will definitely throw up once she gets home. She fights to hold it back the entire drive back but once she gets back to her small, shitty apartment, all she can do is take off her boots and put her almost-dead phone to charge. She texts Violet only when she’s in bed, an hour later, having smoked half a packet of cigarettes and still fully clothed, staring at the ceiling and assuming she will never sleep again.

Katya: Got home safely. I love you too.

[at1stsoo]

Recap of last year’s fics

It’s time to reflect on last year, which was my second calendar year for writing but my first full year, so here’s a fic meme rundown on my stories from 2017. (Fic links here will be for AFF, but I’ll link my ao3 account at the end for anyone who prefers that platform.)

Total stories published: *This depends on whether you’re looking on AFF or ao3. It’s 9 on AFF (where Orbiting Bodies is all together), 14 on ao3. And then I did 5 drabbles that were just on Twitter/Tumblr if those count?

Total Word Count: ~125k

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? Definitely more. I had embraced the idea of continuing to write for 2017, but I thought it’d be here and there, not so continuously?

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? All Kaisoo still, but I did write Xiuchen almost as equally in Sometimes, Legends Lie. I actually almost listed them as the primary pairing, haha, just to throw people off my trail in the Mythology fest, but the heart of the story is more Kaisoo (even if Xiuchen got equal ‘screen’ time). I’ve written Chanbaek as a side pairing, but that’s not new.

New genre: I’m out here writing mythology with world building requirements? Soulmate au? Action/Adventure? Basically anything that’s not slice of life, I’m still surprised I did it. What’s your own favorite story of the year? I think… I have to give the nod to Signal Lost (& Found). But I’m really proud of how I ventured out with Campaigning for Your Heart at the start of 2017, so I’ll mention that one, too. Did you take any writing risks this year? Lots? I hadn’t written much humor (a little near the end of Waxing & Waning), so Campaigning was a risk. Uhhhh also all the smut. Which I hadn’t tried wholeheartedly until Campaigning.

Runner up: Of Keepsakes and Kisses, but it got a lot of love during the Best Days of Our Lives fest on LJ. The most fun story to write: What the Nightingale Spies. It ended up being longer in the middle chapters than I’d planned bc I was having fun writing the flirting and the missions. And the reception has been great - I love laughing with you guys in the comments. The story with the single sexiest moment: Ch 12 of Orbiting Bodies (Jongin’s New Favorite Song) - the bathroom scene OR Campaigning for Your Heart - Soo using his fancy tie on Nini The most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: Uh… the epilogue of For Me, You’ll Always Be 18 was written right after New Year’s last year, so… yeah, that. The story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: Signal Lost (& Found). I didn’t know Kyungsoo’s character super well when I first outlined the story, since I was focused on Jongin’s POV and his journey. I kinda kept Nini’s mindset a lot in the beginning of writing that story, to try and capture his fears and doubts faithfully before letting myself 'learn/see’ Kyungsoo more clearly once they were ready to meet. The hardest story to write: What the Nightingale Spies. It was supposed to be my easy going, no stress writing project amid the fests. Ha. HA. But I’m very proud of what I’ve managed to do with it. The biggest disappointment: I don’t know that I have one? Maybe not spending as much time on my Orbiting Bodies chs as I 'should’ sometimes. I prioritize speed to churn those out in the moment when something Kaisoo happens, so I know the quality often isn’t there in the same way as much of my other writing. (But it’s really fun to fangirl with you all right as stuff happens!) The biggest surprise: That I’m even closer with my squad (that I met here on AFF thru reading/writing) than I was last year. That Indi is my fic wife and I get to beta just about everything of hers and she’s there for me, too, whenever I need her? How did I get so LUCKY?!? The most unintentionally telling story: Uh… What the Nightingale Spies is a pretty big ode to Kyungsoo’s voice, which I love. Favorite Opening Line(s): “Ayyyy, who left a sock in the fridge?” Chen whines.

“LEFT a sock in the fridge? Don’t you mean who put a sock in the fridge? Don’t normalize it. Since when is the office refrigerator an appropriate place to store hosiery?” Wendy asks between bites of her muffin. - What the Nightingale Spies

Favorite Closing Line(s): I’m gonna be insufferable here and say I love just about all my closing lines. It’s something I actually spend a fair amount of time on.

Top favorites: Signal Lost (& Found), Sometimes Legends Lie, and Ch 8 of Orb Bodies (The Space Between Right & Wrong). The first two are major spoilers to the fics, so here’s the ending of the OB chapter (Soo’s sad poem in the shape of a broken heart)-

Unhealthy, maybe But I can’t help believe.

In another place, In another time, You’d still Be Mine.

Favorite 5 Lines from Anywhere:

I can’t do this properly bc I hate potentially spoiling anything; here’s a half-assed attempt:

““Why on earth would I miss having my eyes assaulted by routinely bad dye jobs and socialist propaganda?” Kyungsoo retorts while calmly packing up all his things into his Fendi bag, taking longer than normal to gather up his myriad of note-taking materials. Is he lingering? He’s not lingering. Why would he linger.” - Campaigning for Your Heart

“Long ago they might have tried brushing off each other’s compliments with a self-effacing, ‘No I’m not,’ but they’ve grown comfortable over the years in accepting those sincere endearments. The beauty of a love fully bloomed, where fear of seeming immodest or worrying the other is only pandering has long since faded away.” - Of Keepsakes and Kisses

““Settle down, drama llama. Maybe you’re just taking my advice to calm your tits too seriously, and while you would’ve bent over for any dick yesterday, you’re limp for even Gong Yoo today.” - Signal Lost (& Found) [my real fave lines from this fic are in the final scene]

"A thrill runs through Kai’s body. “Oh. Well that’s, um, that’s good,” he says tentatively, not wanting the eagerness to burst out like a fucking Bat-Signal in the night sky.” - What the Nightingale Spies

“I’ve choked guys out with my thighs before.” Great, that’s an image Jongin will never get out of his head. Might as well chisel it on his bedroom ceiling - it’s all he’s going to see when he tries to sleep tonight, he just knows it. - What the Nightingale Spies

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated: 1. Jongin standing in the art gallery in Signal Lost (& Found)

2. The moment Kaisoo meet in What the Nightingale Spies

3. Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s conversation in Tartarus in Sometimes, Legends Lie

4. The pamphlets falling around Kaisoo when they kiss in Campaigning for Your Heart

5. Kaisoo standing together, holding hands and watching the sunset on the back of Soo’s yacht in Sail Away With Me Fic-writing goals for 2018:

Hmmm, trying a new genre like either fantasy/mama AU or wolf AU. Finishing the epilogues I promised for my fest fics.

Thank yous:

To everyone who’s become a friend, a reader, or a commenter. You guys are awesome and a MAJOR reason why I’m still writing and writing a lot. <3 Here’s my ao3 account with works sorted by popularity in case you want to check out any of the ones I mentioned in this recap.

[legendofgrump]

awkwardarin replied to your post “awkwardarin replied to your post “4, 7, 10 you bet your ass I’m...”

*chanting* DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

You ask, I deliver. Here we gooooo~ (Also I’m going to shame you all I want SO)

As per request, I’ll answer all the asks (that I haven’t already) from the fanfic questions post, but it’s under a read more so I don’t literally kill everyone’s dashes. I’m so sorry in advance

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in? I mean, before I even knew what “fandom” meant, I was writing Twilight fanfiction, so I guess that counts. The first one I actively participated in was the Grump one haha

2. What is your latest fandom? Ouran High School Host Club, but again, if you want active participation, then I guess uhhh Night in the Woods?

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in? Definitely the Grump fandom!! I’ve met all the best people and 99% of my friends through this blog right here!

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5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for? Uhh Twilight, Big Time Rush, Total Drama, Game Grumps, technically AntiPoppy but it’s not even close to done and not published

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9. What are the best things about your current fandom? I mean, for this fandom, like I said, it’s got all my friends in it. Everyone’s super supportive and there’s tons of opportunities to get involved and create stuff and support other creators! It’s probably one of the nicest communities I’ve been a part of.

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11. Who is your current OTP? Currently I’m still heavily thinking about Hikaru and Haruhi from Ouran Host Club so that I guess haha

12. Who is your current OT3? The all time babes are Rubbercommanderbang. Also Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy is a ship that @cantolopejeevas made me think about and I love

13. Any NoTPs? Refer to this massive post

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs? Hikaru and Kaoru from Ouran, The entirety of the Teen Titans, the monks in Xiaolin Showdown, etc

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love? A n t i P o p p y

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? I’m more or less indifferent toward Egobang if we’re gonna be real here. I just don’t feel like there’s anything I can add to it at this point.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? I mean, before I knew what that meant, probably RaiKim from Xiaolin Showdown. And they’re still great, but now I’m a little gayer.

18. What ship have you written the most about? Ironically? Probably Egobang. I wasn’t so cynical about it when I first started haha

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them? Refer to number 16

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking? Hmm probably like Septibang? Or CommanderSeptiBang?? Those were two ships I just kinda stumbled upon and was like? Okay I guess we’re doing this now??

Also Mae and Selmers from Night in the Woods. Surprisingly wholesome.

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote? I think I mentioned this before, but it was self-insert Twilight fanfic. Honestly I wish I was just as shameless as I was in middle school. Writing Mary Sue self-insert fic where you ship yourself with a main character is fun and satisfying as hell.

22. Is there anything you regret writing? Aforementioned Twilight fanfiction. Though part of me doesn’t because it was my origin story and also, like I said, shameless and for fun.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it. Ahh probably either “You Monster,” which is like my best stuff that I’ve put up so far??? or the massive Big Time Rush fanfic I talk so much about just for the sheer size of it :P

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit? You Monster!!!! I’m gonna write a redux soon I promise.

25. What’s your most popular fanfic? ???? According to Archive, it’s You Monster! How nice~

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28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of? Literally anything??? I love all fanart of anything I make??? But I guess You Monster haha

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not? Hahaha no I don’t write enough to warrant having one. And also I literally almost never edit anything I write rip

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32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you? Depends!! Sometimes music really confuses my brain and makes me unable to think of words, especially if it’s really word-heavy music (which is most of what I listen to). If I’m really struggling, it usually helps to do it in silence so I can focus. But otherwise, I used to make little playlists of instrumental music to listen to, or play premade playlists of like study music or something.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics? I really like writing huuuuge epics/multi-chapters but I’m really bad at finishing things ;--; so most of what gets published are requested one-shots/ficlets (one of which was requested the other day and I’M STILL T R Y I N G I SWEAR)

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic? Oh buddy. It’s over 100K.

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about? Uh I guess? But I’m not particularly stuck to the “required word count” for the different vocab. I usually only write really short things when people request stuff haha. But it’s kinda fun~

36. What’s your favourite genre to write? Probably just straight angst. Angst that develops character, specifically, but angst nonetheless.

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why? Third person. I used to write in first person and for some reason it always seems less?? effective/neat to me? Plus I write very colloquially and I find it easier to do when I can write in third person.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs? Usually canon characters, but if it’s something like Total Drama that depends on constantly changing casts of characters, I’ve definitely made some of my own characters.

39. What is you greatest strength as a writer? Uhhh???? Uhhhh????? Does not compute????

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing? Effectively capturing characters, at least that fit my own standards. And then also the anxiety that comes along with thinking its good enough to waste people’s time with. :’)

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading: I’m not...currently reading any...but I will link to five of my favs.

1. Before and After (Shaddic) --Total Drama (also tw for a lot of HEAVY mental illness/abuse/violence) 2. Wu Xing Shield (DragonNutt) -- Xiaolin Showdown (tw: death) 3. If Lost, Return to Phil (thatsmistertoyou) - Dan and Phil (I don’t remember, I just remember it being really fucking sad) 4. Two Roads Meet (pianodan) - Dan and Phil (tw: suicide) 5. The Vibe and The Vibe 2: 2Fuck2Vibrator (by our very own @cantolopejeevas) (tw: gratuitous smut ;) )

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing: 1. @cantolopejeevas​ / @grumpygamersandvibrantcolors for obvious reasons. they’re just!!! so good!!! at all the types of writing. (hey go commission them) The Ultimate Senpai 2. @i-am-avacado oh boy they angst well! current holder of the angst crown (for nooooow~) honestly writing senpai 3. @devilgate-drive provides the Good Quality Rubbercommanderbang Content and also just generally talented 4. @sweetiefiend writes the cute shit!!! like damn!!!! 5. @autumn-feels so??? talented for her age??? and so deep wtf

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you? I mean, all of my friends for one. And my lovely darling @cantolopejeevas who continues to push me forward and compliments my work all the time. But yeah, all my friends make me wanna get better because they’re all so good and I wanna do that tooooo!!

44.  What ship do you feel needs more attention? AntiPoppy. Please.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic? Fuckin’!!!! Wu Xing Shield, listed above!!! It’s the first fanfic I cried reading!!! And it’s so beautifully written!!! If you like Xiaolin Showdown, I recommend it. Plus, it also took stuff from Xiaolin Chronicles and made it bearable. Bless.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why? Ahhh You Monster. It’s probably my best one. Even though it needs heavy editing haha.

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why? I mean....Fanfiction.net is where it all began, but I never posted anything on it. I think AO3 is the best for posting fics and keeping track of them. But more people usually see it if I post it on my tumblr. So a mixture of those two?

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not? For the longest time I didn’t because I had major anxiety!!! I was too nervous to leave a comment, no matter what. Plus, I didn’t really make accounts on either ffn or ao3 so I couldn’t have if I wanted to. But now I like leaving tags and stuff on people’s works on tumblr and (if I read more fic) I would leave comments, just because I want people to know they’re doing good work!!

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not? Yeah, I mean, of course! I love seeing comments on all my work, art, writing, or otherwise! It’s just nice to know that someone liked something I made, especially if it’s something I’m self-conscious about like I am with writing. And reblogs help spread it around so it can get more attention, so that’s always helpful!

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I HOPE EVERYONE IS HAPPY ESPECIALLY YOU @awkwardarin