#another limited episode release...

[swan2swan]

Cartoons won, but at What Cost?

[pathologicalreid]

for the fear of falling apart | part three

when it seems like a return to normalcy is impossible, you decide that something has to give, but will it bend or will it break?

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | epilogue

series masterlist

who? spencer reid x jareau!reader category: angst content warnings: fear of drowning, therapy, mommy and daddy issues, sigmund freud, nightmares and ptsd, sleep deprivation, takes place during 15x4 "saturday" (max does not exist in this au), stalkers, yelling, police, domestic disturbance, broken dishes, severe self image issues, crying, implies that jj is sometimes not the greatest friend, marriage and marriage counseling, mentions the death of grace lynch, the chameleon arc, reader and spencer are both broken people sry. things get resolved (or do they?) word count: 5.13k a/n: i'm trying to come to terms with the fact that people will not like how this part goes, but i do think it's important to remember that this is not where it ends. it's probably easy to guess what episode I'm rewriting next. lol. let me know your thoughts and feelings because i am dying to know.

“Are you glad to be back at work?” Your therapist asked you, writing down your personal information on the form on her clipboard before she met your stare.

Chewing impatiently on the inside of your lip, you glanced over to the clock that was hung above the door, dooming you to another forty-five minutes with Dr. Harmon. “Yes, I love desk duty,” you told her, flashing a fake smile in her direction.

The older woman looked at you doubtfully, and you silently begged for her to sign your return to duty forms. “I thought we spoke about using sarcasm as a coping mechanism,” she responded in a way that made you feel chastised.

You raised your eyebrows at her, gray hair neatly combed into a tight bun, you had spent more time with your therapist for the past two months than you had any of your family – the rest of your time was spent retraining your body, usually within the limitations of your doctor’s orders. “And I thought we talked about there being worse coping mechanisms that I could be using,” you countered, leaning back in her chair.

She shrugged helplessly, “Well, I’m not sure about signing your release forms. You could be a liability in the field.”

Eyes widening, you tilted your head to the side, “No, no, no, I’ve grown a new appreciation for the desk workers in the BAU. I even stopped laughing when people refer to Agent Anderson as Grunt Anderson,” you informed her, nodding as if that would help convince her of your honesty.

Checking off a box on your form, she set the clipboard on her side table, just out of your view. Taking a deep breath, Dr. Harmon leaned forward and folded her hands over her knee, “Have you spoken to your sister since the last time I saw you?”

You leaned your head back, staring at the tiles of the ceiling as any hope of returning to the field left your body.

One of your very first dates with Spencer had been at the Academy’s shooting range, you had a lucky spot there, it was where you had aced your qualification as a cadet, and it was pure luck that it had been available when you arrived.

As your paper target was brought forward, you slipped off your headphones and set your weapon down, studying the results as you chewed on your bottom lip nervously.

“Hey,” Spencer said from behind you, casually leaning against the wall behind you.

You jumped slightly as the sound of his voice took you away from your anxiety, “Hey,” you echoed, holstering your weapon as you sent your target back for someone to change it out.

“I thought you were going to come to the BAU after therapy,” he explained, arms crossed in front of his chest in his charcoal suit, camouflaging himself with the steely gray of the shooting range.

Pursing your lips, you made sure you had your phone in your pocket before grabbing your bag, “I wanted to get some practice in before my requalification test.”

He looked surprised for a moment, “Did your therapist sign your return to duty?”

“No,” you muttered, knowing that you wouldn’t be eligible to take your firearms requalification until after you had been cleared by a psychiatrist.

Any surprise quickly left his face, “What did she say, then?”

You rolled your eyes, “She told me that it’s possible that my strained relationship with my parents is negatively affecting my performance in my sessions. Then she threw a Freud biography at my head.”

“Did you talk to her about the nightmares?” He asked, following you as you checked out of the shooting range, waving to a gaggle of cadets as they noticed the BAU agents in their general vicinity.

Faltering as you opened the door, you flung the glass door open and trudged out of it, “I have it under control,” you lied through your teeth, continuing your way to the elevator.

The tapping of Spencer’s shoes signified that he was following you, holding his hand over the sensor while you stepped in and using his knuckle to press the parking garage button, “You were up all night last night,” he retorted, “She could help you develop a coping mechanism that works for you so that you can get some rest, angel.”

You were getting tired of those words, “Well, maybe we’ll reach a breakthrough next week. You never know.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being so unamenable,” he accused.

Shaking your head as you stepped out of the elevator, you hoisted your bag back over your shoulder, “Is unamenable genius-speak for pain in the ass?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is,” he retorted, swiping the keys out of your hands before unlocking the car and getting in the driver’s seat. You had been cleared to drive weeks ago, but Spencer still insisted on driving you.

You groaned, “My recent brush with death has made it difficult for me to let bygones be bygones.”

Pulling out of the parking spot, he carefully placed both of his hands on the steering wheel, “And here I thought we were actually going to move on with our lives.”

“No one holds a grudge like a youngest child,” you informed him, leaning your head against the window and wishing you had driven separately.

Being at home wasn’t much better than being at Quantico. You quickly changed and settled yourself on the couch while Spencer sat across from you, legs crossed in the wingback chair as he finished filling in a crossword book that you had started that morning.

You watched the clock tick, the diffused orange light of the sunset beamed through the curtains, and you felt yourself settle. Stiff joints and aching muscles unwound on the supple leather of the couch, and as you let your eyes fall shut, you felt the breeze of someone walking by before Spencer stopped in front of you.

Gently, he draped a knit blanket over you, tucking you in before crouching and dropping a gentle kiss to your temple.

Y/N is down, she’s been hit. We need an ambulance now.

I know, I’m sorry, I know it hurts.

It’s okay. I’ve got you.

“Honey, wake up.”

You startled awake on the couch, wadding up the blanket in your fists as your eyes adjusted to the dim environment of the apartment. The sun had set, dipping below the skyline as you stared ahead.

Concerned brown eyes bore into you as you caught your breath, Spencer reached over and flicked on the table lamp next to you, “You’re alright,” he cooed, gently enough to make you want to cry. “It was just a bad dream,” he told you, cupping your cheek and studying your expression.

Nodding absently, you pulled yourself into a sitting position, the familiar knit blanket falling in a puddle around your waist. “I was in the parking garage again,” you preemptively answered his next question. You were usually in the parking garage, sometimes you were on the beach, and once you had been fully underwater.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer asked, a hint of hope in his voice.

You shook your head and ignored the defeated look on Spencer’s face, instead burying your face in your hands and taking a few deep breaths.

He waited for a moment before speaking again, reaching out and adjusting the bunched-up fabric of your t-shirt, “Are you hungry? I made soup.”

“Yeah,” you breathed, crossing your arms in front of your stomach, afraid it would start growling at the mention of food.

As you watched Spencer get up and walk over to the kitchen, you let yourself feel like everything was alright for the slightest moment. You wanted your apartment to be your safe space where there were no serial killers or sisters or hospitals, but there was a classified file on the kitchen table, photos of you and your sister littered the walls, and there was an entire drawer in the home office dedicated to your hospital stay.

Melding into the couch cushions, you ignored the stiffness in your side, the scars that marred your skin were healed over, but the memory would stick with you for a lifetime. It felt like a phantom pain, irritating your skin whenever you thought too much about it, or whenever your therapist asked you about Grace Lynch.

It didn’t bring you a lot of comfort to know that she was dead, murdered by her own father after conning her ex-girlfriend into giving her money. Everett Lynch was the threat now, and you were stuck on the bench.

Pulling your knees to your chest, you rested your cheek on your knee as Spencer ladled soup into a bowl and presented it to you, complete with a few ice cubes to cool it down. He waltzed back into the kitchen to clean up when his phone rang.

You ignored his conversation while you stirred the ice cubes around in your bowl, the soft clinking of them mesmerizing your tired brain. You ate while he spoke on the phone, mentioning something about a case. Pushing any thoughts of serial killers away, you just ate your soup.

Sipping at the broth, you grew curious about what was going on over the phone, but you tried to mind your business, scooping at the last noodles in the bowl before setting it down on the coffee table.

“Who was that?” You asked, eyes following Spencer as he walked back over to the living room, slipping his phone in his pocket as he sat next to you on the couch.

He paused for a moment, and you immediately regretted asking, “Uh, it was JJ.”

You supposed it had to mean something that he elected to tell you the truth instead of lying to you, but you were no longer feeling optimistic, “Ah.”

“Don’t start,” he said immediately.

You turned to him, raising your eyebrows curiously and pushing yourself into the corner of the couch – away from him, “Start what, Spencer?”

Spencer put his hands up, “Picking a fight with me over JJ’s feelings. JJ, Tara, Luke, and Penelope are working on a stalker case, it’s nothing that we need to worry about.”

“I’m not going to pick a fight with you, I already told you that I forgive you,” you told him, wrapping your arms around yourself.

He groaned in frustration, “You can say it all you want, but you haven’t. You haven’t forgiven me.”

As he usually was, Spencer was right, you hadn’t forgiven him for lying to you about what had happened between him and JJ. You wanted to. You wanted to find it in yourself to be the bigger person and just tell him it was fine. All you wanted was to move on, but you were crashing into roadblock after roadblock. “Are you going to work that case?”

“No, it’s a classic stalking case, they’ll make it without me,” he said, turning on the couch to face you.

You swallowed thickly, “You can go if you’d rather be there,” you reassured him, wondering if he’d be happier at work than at home with you. Someone needed to make a decision, someone needed to decide whether or not the two of you were going to keep going or if you were going to call it off. You didn’t want it to be you, you were afraid of which option you might choose.

Spencer frowned, “Why are you trying to get rid of me?”

“I’m not,” you answered.

“Yes, yes you are,” he challenged, leaning forward to get a better look at you.

Shaking your head, you threw your hands up in surrender, “You don’t have to go. You can stay here. You live here. Who the fuck am I to tell you to leave?”

“And now you’re escalating the situation,” he observed, straightening up and watching you carefully.

You didn’t consider yourself an angry person. The two of you didn’t fight often, but as you considered your options, you wondered if it could help. Maybe you could replicate the feeling of a good cry. Maybe all you need is a good fight. Just talk it out – loudly. “I’m not escalating anything. I’m not starting anything. In case you haven’t noticed, this has been going on for months.”

He had noticed, he could probably give you an exact date and time to point out when everything fell apart. Was it inside the pawn shop? Was it in the courtyard outside of Rossi’s wedding? “I thought we had made some real progress at the hospital,” he challenged.

Getting up from the couch, you took a deep breath and tossed the blanket over the back, “You cannot seriously think that. You’re too smart to believe that, Spencer. The idea that we fixed everything while I was hopped up on Xanax and painkillers. It’s… it’s…” you stumbled over your words for a moment. It’s crazy. You wanted to tell him, but you couldn’t do that to him. Spencer had spent his whole life having that word thrown at his mother, and he spent adulthood fearing he’d have a schizophrenic break. “It’s outlandish,” you finally finished.

Spencer looked up at you from the couch, “Is it outlandish to think that the history we have together would help mend our relationship?”

You rolled your eyes, “I don’t know, Spencer, let’s take a look at your history with my sister,” you snapped.

“Oh, come on,” he protested.

“No,” you commanded, “Sit down and shut up. I’ve spent months waiting for you to get it, but apparently, I need to spell it out for you.”

To your surprise, he listened, watching you in silence as you took a deep breath, picked up your soup bowl, and brought it into the kitchen. Your heartbeat pounded like thunder in your ears.

Standing in front of him, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “I want you to empathize with me.” You calculated every word you said, “We’ve known each other for nine years. We’ve been together for seven, and I- I had the rug pulled out from under me. God, you went on a date with my sister. You took her to a football game as a hater of organized sports. My beautiful, prom queen, soccer star, gem of the family older sister.”

“It wasn’t a date, Penelope went with us,” Spencer added patiently.

You peered down at him, “When you asked her to go with you, did you do it with the intention that you would be taking her on a date?”

His shoulders slackened, “Yeah,” he answered softly.

“And you know that she loves you. If you went to her right now and told her you wanted to be with her, that there’s a chance she’d consider it. She’d at least have to think about it,” you told him, confidence dissipating as your hands started to tremble and you silently begged yourself not to cry.

Spencer watched you suspiciously, “What gave you the impression that I want to be with her instead of you?”

You faltered, just for a moment, “Why wouldn’t you want to be with her?” You asked exasperatedly, letting your arms fall limply at your sides.

Pinching his eyebrows together, your boyfriend looked at you like you had grown a third eye, “She’s married? Her kids are my godchildren?”

Shaking your head in disbelief, you cursed yourself as tears stung your eyes, “Are those seriously the only reasons you can think of?” With all the brain power you knew he had, you couldn’t help but be disappointed.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Spencer groaned, “Putting aside the fact that I’d be destroying a marriage, not because it doesn’t matter, but because being with your sister isn’t even something I’d consider. This might not have occurred to you, but I have absolutely no interest in being with someone other than you!”

You huffed, “Please, she’s beautiful and athletic and older and you’ve known her for fifteen years!” You shouted over your shoulder, making your way back to the kitchen. There wasn’t anything you needed from in there, you just needed to keep moving.

“But she’s not you!” He yelled from the couch, finally getting up and following you to the kitchen.

Spinning around on your heel, you threw your arms in the air, “God, I know!” You swung your arms down, accidentally sending the bowl you had set on the counter down to the floor, breaking on impact. “Shit,” you muttered, immediately dropping to a crouch and starting to pick up the ceramic shards.

“Hey, wait, let me get it,” Spencer insisted, grabbing a kitchen towel from the drawer before laying it on the floor. He carefully picked up the larger shards, waving your hands away.

You clenched your hands and glared at him with bleary eyes, “Why? Why am I not allowed to clean up the mess that I made?”

Spencer sighed, “You’re crying. I don’t want you to get hurt because you can’t see well,” he told you, prompting you to sit back on the tile and watch him continue to pick up.

You crisscrossed your legs and watched him, “I’m sorry for yelling,” you whispered, so quietly that you weren’t even sure he had heard you.

Nodding in acknowledgment, Spencer gathered up the kitchen towel and set it on the counter, setting his hands on the counter and taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry for raising my voice,” he echoed your sentiments. He moved to the hall closet to get out the broom, interrupted by a knock on the door.

Confused, you poked your head over the counter and watched as Spencer opened the front door.

“Good evening, officer,” he greeted, casting a sidelong glance over at you.

Fuck.

You scrambled to your feet, careful not to step on any pieces of the bowl that remained on the floor and wiping beneath your eyes as you made your way to the door, peeking around the corner to find two DC Metro officers. “Agent Jareau?” One of the officers said curiously.

“Hi,” you waved timidly, looking between the two of them with your tail between your legs.

He looked surprised at the revelation of who lived here, recognizing you from a case you had consulted on months ago. “We were called here on a report of a domestic disturbance, your neighbor in said she heard ‘a lot of yelling before there was a crash and then everything went quiet’.”

The summation of events did nothing to slow your racing heart, “We had uh… we were having a disagreement, and I knocked over a bowl. It was an accident,” you reassured the officer, reaching out and taking Spencer’s hand as a sign of good faith.

“Are you sure?” He asked, looking at you expectantly.

You nodded in confirmation, “I’m really sorry about any inconvenience, but I promise there’s nothing to worry about.”

The DC Metro officers studied Spencer suspiciously, and you protectively moved in front of him. They were trained to see the worst-case scenario, but there was nothing happening here, “Well then, just uh… try to keep it down, I suppose.”

The two of you waved as they walked away, once the door was closed, you turned to face Spencer, “Are you alright?”

He looked a little pale, “I’m alright,” he nodded, gathering himself before going back to the hall closet. “That was weird,” he added.

Spencer’s interaction with police officers was limited to work with the bureau and his time in prison. He never had to explain an underage drunk person in the car or run when a party got too rowdy, but he wasn’t concerned with the confrontation, he was concerned that, for a moment, before you got there, those officers saw Spencer as a violent person. You stayed put, watching him sweep up the last of the bowl and take care of the sharp pieces with a keen eye.

“I’d never hurt you,” Spencer said softly, unnecessarily explaining to you.

You nodded, “I know. You’re not like that, baby. You’re not a violent person.” In fact, you had only seen Spencer aggressively violent one time in your life, and that was when his mother’s life was on the line. Stepping over to him, you lifted yourself so that you were sitting on the kitchen counter, meeting his eyes.

“She is not you,” he murmured, reaching out and taking both of your hands in his.

Chewing on the inside of your lip, your shoulders slumped ever so slightly, “I am well aware,” you offered.

He took a deep breath, “JJ would never ask me to recite Henry James to her or offer to go to the planetarium with me even after we spent all day on a case or sit through one of my lectures just to hear me talk about something I’m passionate about,” he began. "I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation about something I’m passionate about with your sister. Not one where she didn’t interrupt me or pawn me off on somebody else,” he told you, disconnecting one of your hands to wipe new tears from your cheeks.

“I- I’m not…” you breathed, overwhelmed as he sang your praises.

“I know you compare yourself to her,” he cut you off, “it’s normal for you to compare yourself to your older sister. I just didn’t know how lowly you thought of yourself until all of this was dug up.”

Frowning, you cocked your head to the side, “I do not compare myself to her,” you remarked.

He hummed in response, “It wasn’t up for debate. I’m not interested in your sister. I’m not interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone except for you. I am sorry that I never told you about the football game, but by the time you joined the team, six years had passed, and I didn’t think it was pertinent to tell you that your sister had rejected me. That is entirely on me, and I can’t change it. I can, however, spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

Your breathing hitched, and the ghost of a potential proposal once again floated through the air, it made your heart ache. “One of these days you’re going to have to actually ask me to marry you,” you whispered, not sure how much longer you’d be able to sit and wait while he neglected to act upon his words.

“What do you want right now?” Spencer asked, studying your facial expression.

You have spent three months being mad at him, and you had to believe it all came down to tonight. Neither of you could keep going with things the way they were. “I’m not sure,” you answered.

Patiently, Spencer inquired, “Do you want to break up?”

If you told him you hadn’t thought about it, you’d be lying. It broke your heart to think about ending things with him, to think that six years together didn’t mean something to the both of you. Spencer had never given any inclination that he was interested in anyone else, so maybe he should’ve told you about the football game, but you shouldn't have let your insecurities block any attempt at reconciliation. “No,” you responded truthfully.

He had tried, too. The one-sided conversations he had with floral bouquets, taking time off of work to help you while you recovered, and he had even limited his contact with your sister. “Do you want to go to couple’s therapy?”

You had heard through the grapevine that your sister was trying marriage counseling with Will, something about working on their communication skills. With that in mind, you nodded, “We can try it out.”

“Do you know what you want?” He asked, settling a hand on your thigh.

Through the sheer curtains, you looked outside, “I want to go,” you informed him, hopping off of the kitchen counter and to your shared bedroom, pulling on a pair of socks.

Confused, Spencer followed you around the apartment, “Wait. Where are we going?”

“I’m going,” you said simply.

He looked surprised at this, “It’s the middle of the night in the twenty-second largest city in the country, you’re not going out alone.”

You paused for a moment at his concern, watching the defeated look on his face morph into one of relief when you responded, “Then put your shoes on,” you encouraged.

As you waited by the door, mindful to not walk through the apartment with your shoes on, he stopped in your bedroom for a moment before coming back out and slipping his sneakers on. “Where are we going?”

Grabbing your keys off of the hook, you opened the door and held it for Spencer as he followed your lead. “You know at the start of Moby Dick when Ishmael says when he finds himself growing grim about the mouth and wanting to knock people’s hats off, he takes to the sea?”

He nods, taking the keys from your hand and locking the door behind him, glancing briefly at your neighbor’s door before handing your keys back to you, “I’m familiar,” he confirmed.

“Well, I’m feeling rather grim about the mouth,” you told him assuredly, slipping your keys into your pockets and slowly making your way down the hold staircase of your apartment building, listening for Spencer’s footsteps right behind you.

Even with your back turned, you knew his expression would be one of confusion, “So, you want to take to the sea?”

You quickly shook your head, the very last place you wanted to be was near a body of water in the middle of the night, “Not particularly, but maybe the park and some fresh air would do me some good.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” he confirmed, stepping around you to hold the front door open so that you could walk outside, the cool night air stinging your face as you did.

Taking a deep breath, you looked at the night sky, the stars hidden through the city’s light pollution.

Upon reaching the park, which was just a small green space down the street from your apartment, Spencer led you to a cement bench, the two of you sitting down and sitting in silence. You welcomed the cold air filling your lungs, watching the fountain from a distance and admiring the way the headlights of a few passing cars reflected off of the water.

He kept a hand on your back, gently moving his hand up and down your spine as the two of you reveled in the startling nighttime peace. “I haven’t been fair to you,” you murmured nervously, looking over at him.

“None of this has been fair to anyone,” he reminded you.

You sighed, “JJ confessed her feelings, not the other way around, and I- I shouldn’t have held that against you for so long.” The admission came to you easily, holding your breath as you waited for him to agree.

Spencer’s silence worried you, but then he finally responded, “I probably would have done the same thing, but I don’t think it’s right for me to speculate how I would or wouldn’t have acted in your shoes.”

“I just… she’s always been perfect. The perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect agent, and I’m… I’m just me,” you said helplessly, staring ahead at the fountain.

He took a deep breath, “You’re perfect to me.”

“Stop,” you chastised halfheartedly.

Chuckling, he placed his hand over yours, “I mean it. Sometimes perfection is about the final concoction and not about getting all of the steps right. You don’t need the perfect journey, and, to me, nothing proves that more than you.”

You hummed, “You’re sweet.”

 “For what it’s worth, I think, given the opportunity, you could be a perfect wife,” he said, nudging your leg with his knee, getting your head to snap to the side.

Jumping up from the bench, you smacked your hand over your mouth at the small black box that he had set on the stone surface. “What are you… what?” You asked breathlessly, looking behind you in the way people usually did when they were surprised, waiting to see if you were being pranked.

“It doesn’t have to be an engagement ring,” he reached down and snapped the box open, showing you the glimmering ring inside. “It can just be a promise because I am promising you right now, this is it for me. You are the only person I can see myself with, and I’m ready to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”

Gaping at him, you looked between him and the ring before closing your mouth, “That sounds an awful lot like an engagement ring,” you told him, out of breath.

He nodded, “That’s because I want it to be.”

“Okay,” you answered.

“What?”

You giggled, he evidently hadn’t expected that answer, “Yes, Spencer.”

He stood up, tackling you in an embrace, “Thank goodness.” He said, relaxing into you as you returned his hug.

Over the past few months, you had been almost afraid of him asking you, worried that it would feel like an excuse. A band-aid over a bullet hole. But as you held each other tightly, all you felt was an overwhelming sense of right. This was where you were always meant to be. “Will you put it on me?”

He nodded slowly, sniffling as he pulled away from you, the warmth of his body leaving you as he nimbly took your left hand, slipping the ring on your fourth finger. The metal felt foreign on your skin, but you welcomed it nonetheless. “That has been sitting in my sock drawer for a year,” he admitted, placing both of his hands on your waist and meeting your eyes.

You beamed up at him, at both the revelation that he bought you a ring well before any of the trials and tribulations of the last few months and that he hid the ring in the one place you never touched – the seemingly bottomless abyss of unmated socks that Spencer called his sock drawer. “Thank you,” you breathed.

Spencer leaned his head down, hovering his lips just above your own, “For what, love?”

Blinking small tears out of your eyes, you answered, “For not giving up on us.”

He smiled, “Never,” he whispered before dropping his lips to yours, the intimacy of something as small as a kiss enough to bring butterflies to your stomach. “Do you want to go home? Or are you still feeling grim about the mouth?”

“Let’s go home, Spence,” you told him, pressing one last kiss to his lips before the two of you began the trek home, hand in hand.

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[swantranslations]

Miyazaki's Retirement Declarations (chronologically)

Translated from last week's NHK documentary on the production of The Boy and The Heron (more under cut). I saw people posting a screencap of this and I just couldn't contain myself. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON WAY LONGER THAN I IMAGINED LMFAO

This is from the NHK programme "Professional - Their Working Philosophy" (プロフェッショナル 仕事の流儀) a few days ago (16/12/2023). The episode investigates the production process of The Boy and the Huron, and how the late Takahata Isao influenced the movie.

(It was confirmed within the documentary that Mahito = Miyazaki, Great Uncle = Takahata Isao, The Heron = Suzuki Toshio, Kiriko = Yasuda Michiyo)

The documentary is currently available on the NHK Streaming Service (Location Limited). If you have your own ways of watching and you know Japanese, I would definitely recommend the episode as it gives a lot of much-needed context to The Boy and The Heron. Personally, I haven't found a way to watch it yet, so all I know about the documentary are hearsay I saw on Japanese twitter.

Original screencap:

Also, at the very end of the episode, Miyazaki was shown working on a Naucicaa piece without any explanation, which led to many people speculating whether he could be working on a sequel for Naucicaa of the Valley of the Wind.

What do yall think? Do you think he's going to finally retire or release yet another animated film in a few years? I would love to see Naucicaa 2 but I also feel like he really needs to... yknow, chillax a bit and stuff. He deserves a long ass vacation.

[thesiltverses]

A very big thank you

I posted this on Patreon, but really wanted to share it here as well:

Post-show life begins

For a long while now I’ve been getting up at 4.30 or 5am, grabbing myself the first coffee of four, and then coming to sit at my desk.

I open up the assembly cut of the newest TSV episode.

I listen to it, I try and pin down which scenes I need to be going back over today. I try and push through the entire morning without a break because when the momentum stalls, that’s what kills your release schedule. (I also worry endlessly about just how much of my hair is falling out, and how spending 12 hours a day wearing headphones could be contributing to that.)

Today was different. I still woke up early - it’s a hard habit to shake off, and probably a useful one going forward. But I didn’t go to my desk, and I didn’t put my headphones on.

I went to the rocking chair we bought for our son when he comes, and I sat there - gently swaying and trying not to spill my coffee all over it, because for some reason it’s fucking beige - and looked out over the city skyline. 

I slugged back my coffee surrounded by all the stuff we’ve panic-bought for the baby, and I got to take all of it in - washcloths and the changing table and romper suits - with a sudden focus and a clarity and a rising excitement that I really hadn’t allowed myself to feel until today, because until today the work was still unfinished and there was still much left to be done.

All at once I felt very free, and fully sated, and happy and proud for everything that’s coming next.

There’s so much to feel grateful for from the past three years of working on this show. But what’s probably going to sit with me the most is being able to arrive at that moment and those feelings today, - and we have all of you incredible people to thank for that.

Not just in terms of listenership or financial support, although that’s been truly invaluable and a lifeline for us that’s enabled us to actually make the show - but also your enthusiasm, your passion, your jokes and comments and everything that’s helped to keep us motivated and working on it.

So - with as much feeling as words can convey, thank you so, so much for everything.

What’s coming next, in rough order

#1: Parentdom is going to take over our lives for a while! I also want to write the final Patreon episode commentaries in the next few days, while I have the time and the clear memories. #2: The next thing we’ll organise will be the post-season Q&A (we’d also like to do some kind of off-camera cast party if we can make schedules work, just to say thank you to our amazing VAs and celebrate with them). Please do ask us questions! #3: We have long-unfinished commitments to the Patreon which I need to complete: the last two episodes of So Long, Good Luck, and rounding off Sid Wright’s story. As ever, huge thank-yous for your patience with these; they’ve just been impossible to polish off while also working on the main show so much. #4: Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time is the possibility of going back to Season 1 and redesigning it from scratch to try and bring it closer in style to S2 and S3. We have the raw audio files - some of the mic quality will just be rough no matter what, but we can certainly try.  This is something I want to be conscientious and careful about; I very much want to respect the sound design work that’s already taken place, and ensure we’re not overriding anything. But I do know that the initial quality still sometimes puts new listeners off; we were learning a lot about direction and mastering from scratch, and our designers were working with limited budget and a total lack of plugins, so there’s simply a lot more we can achieve now. (This would also be a good opportunity for me to finally rework the transcripts, another fallen hurdle). #5: A few months back, we were contacted by a literary agent in NYC who was interested in us adapting the show into a series of novels. There’s a long road ahead to actually get published, but I'm thrilled to say that I have signed with them and I’m really excited to hopefully start work on the first book once I’ve settled into dad-dom. I’ll need to check what’s possible, but if it doesn’t interfere with any contract condition I’d obviously love to share excerpts on here as it’s written. #6: Then there’ll also be another larger audiodrama project - we’ve spoken about the different possibilities before! Excited to get started on our final choice.

Just one last word about endings

God, endings are scary. Because endings are impossible.

How many serialised stories actually end in a way that’s received unequivocally well?  People yelled at The Sopranos for its ambiguity and open-endedness. People criticised Breaking Bad for treating Walt too sympathetically at the end and relying on a generic mob of snarling Nazis to act as his final foe.

Endings are either too pat and neat, or too inconclusive to be satisfying, or too surreal and dreamlike, or they simply make what feels like the wrong choices for the characters we care about. We’re all caught in that barbed wire, creators and audience alike, weighed down by the baggage of what’s come before and we've already spent so much time anticipating the infinite possibilities of how it could all turn out - it’s like we can’t get free of the story that’s trying to end. 

And the beautiful thing about these longform, iterative works is that they insist upon becoming completely ungovernable. No matter how much of a planner the creator claims to be, how much prepwork they carry out - they were never really in control. There’s spontaneity and surprises and dead ends and beautiful distractions that come spilling out along the way (I was baffled and delighted to learn that people really - at the end of the show, with such limited time to spare - wanted to find out what had happened to Eddie*). 

So they can’t end. Not really. There’s too much wonderful mess in them to ever be reasonably disentangled.

And, of course, for every ending people remember with frustration or dissatisfaction, there’s another hundred endings that nobody remembers at all, because we lost our enthusiasm along the way and it feels better to keep going back to the start and avoiding the slow decline. (Who the fuck remembers how the umpteenth X-Files reboot ended? What increasingly tired post-modern antics was Alan Moore getting up to in the final League of Extraordinary Gentlemen books?). I really just didn’t want the show to end up in that latter category.

All of that probably sounds like I’m warding off criticism about the show's ending, but for me it’s actually been the opposite. 

For an ending which is all about narrative dissatisfaction, and failed potential and missed opportunities, and how we need to come to terms with the lack of existential fairness and certainty and narrative control in our lives and keep ploughing forward all the same for as long as we possibly can, I’m massively stunned at just how positive the reception has been on here and elsewhere, and that’s something I’m actively having to process, because I think I was fearfully anticipating much more pushback.

But, look - the Eskew finale was originally quite poorly-received and then people came back around to it over time. So I’m not going to pat myself on the back too hard, because maybe it’ll ultimately be the opposite with this show, and that’s OK. For 200 years everyone was convinced King Lear was improved by having everyone survive at the end and get married. Endings take time to settle into their final condition.

For now, I am incredibly relieved that the ending we chose seems to have landed for most people, and I’m incredibly grateful for the lovely messages we’ve got about it and for the trust in us that you’ve all shown throughout the story.

So, yeah, let’s end with another thank you, because that’s what I feel so deeply and so forcefully at this point.

Thank you so much again, and speak soon.

Jon

*My take? We’ve established that the guy is in some kind of blue-collar job and has been pushed into constant overtime due to the reduced workforce. We’ve seen that the so-called ‘national holiday’ doesn’t actually rescue workers from their commitments. So I personally imagine that Eddie was working during the parade somewhere on the city outskirts, and is alive and well.

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Hi! Thank you so much for all you're doing. It's incredible. You're keeping so many of us (and I'm including myself here) level headed during an uncertain time.

Speaking of uncertain times, I figured I'd at least try and get ahead of the curve to let you know that someone "leaked" another rumor; this one being that Good Omens may be released as a movie. However, the tweet was quickly deleted (and not in the fun, hyping people up with a fake leak before deleting it kind of way).

The only proof (and I'm using that loosely) is a production information list someone found on a random British website. From my very limited knowledge, lots of those production notes float around about lots of movies and they're always just rumors and speculation.

You probably already know all of this. But I figured that on the very slim chance you didn't, the tweet is already gone and the source is flimsy at best. Especially seeing as IMBD released the series 3 episode 1 onto its platform. But then again who knows. Maybe that's another rumor too.

Anyway, thank you again and have a great weekend!

Hiya! :) I've seen it but I've also seen this so I am waiting for more info :) <3.

[lover-of-mine]

can I say something potentially controversial… from the moment Buck was confirmed bi, I saw it as the road to Buddie. Now that’s not saying that Buck and Eddies sexualities are tied up in each other, but on a procedural tv show with an ensemble cast and limited screen time for its characters? I absolutely took it as a sign that Buddie was coming. They could’ve just found another female love interest for him, but they specifically chose this road to go down. all this time people have been dooming and i’ve been just waiting for them to get together lol

I was gonna ask if you're new here to think I would think this is controversial, then upon reflection I realized that I said this back in April and people have been asking for my head ever since.

I knew buddie was coming the second they release the hangar scene and Buck and Eddie were in blue and green, like, on a meta level, that scene pulled the trigger.

But yes, I agree. This is a tv show, every plot point serves the narrative, and narratively there is no point to make Buck rep for the sake of rep 100 episodes in, especially when he is HEAVILY shipped with a another man for 90 of those 100, if the plan isn't to get them together. Sure, dealing with people, someone's bisexuality isn't attached to anyone. It's part of who they are. In a tv show? When the character has a family with another man? When 80% of his first same sex relationship has his "straight best friend" in the middle? S6 ended with Buck and Eddie in nice little relationships with random women all hope seemed lost and then the first thing they did was get Buck out and Marisol doesn't even get a last name. If Buck finding out he's bisexual wasn't supposed to lead him to Eddie, Eddie wouldn't be in every corner of his first queer relationship.

This is a procedural about firefighters, they're not a show about queer themes, getting Buck out has to have the end goal of getting him with Eddie, because Eddie is his most well developed on screen relationship. 8 season in you have no hope of introducing a character for Buck or Eddie that would feel as satisfying narratively than getting the two of them together and they are leaning into it. It's coming and it's been coming the whole time.

I'm gonna link these 3 posts I made just because. x x x

[project-sekai-facts]

Project SEKAI 4th anniversary: Brand New Your World - recap post

Much like last year, I thought it would be useful to make one long post recapping all of the information about the 4th anniversary updates. Even if there won't be as many major updates and changes as last year, we still will be receiving news about other related projects like the movie during the anniversary thanksgiving festival, so I'll be recapping that too.

Note that all of this applies to the JP server only.

Official site link

Before we start, the next Broadcast Station episode will be held on the 27th, featuring Isobe-san, Jiena, Imai-san, and Daichan. It will be broadcast live from the Thanksgiving Festival. Related event speculation will be done in a separate post, and the stream itself can be found here.

Section 1 - Game Updates

Most game updates will be announced during the aforementioned Broadcast Station stream, but some things have already been announced, such as:

Virtual lives (after lives/holiday lives) will now be held every hour, cutting the long wait times between some showings.

You will now be able to collect character rank XP for an entire unit in one go, rather than going to each member's page individually.

Calendars for songs and events will be released in advance, so we finally will actually know in advance what days songs are being added and what days events will run (though by the sounds of things, event lineups will be kept a secret outside of the unit).

Broadcast Station News

A new game mode has been added, called MYSEKAI. It's an Animal Crossing-esque side game that will be available through the main app. More details on this will be in section 6.

A story completion progress tracker will be added. You can earn crystals and gacha tickets based on your progress

You can now earn gacha tickets through Clearing and Full Comboing songs on different difficulty levels. These can only be claimed on the first time you clear/FC a song of each difficulty from 15 to 37. Autoplay doesn't count and you can earn up to 140 tickets.

All Kizuna ranks will be added! All of them! However, the new ones will not have specific titles or unlockables for levelling up the rank. Instead you will be given a title that says "X & Y Fan". The unlockables will be implemented when relevant.

You can now autoplay during Challenge Show. You will also be able to get CH show rewards up to a score of 2.5 million, as well as increase CH rank up to level 150

Project SEKAI is opening a store on their official website. You will be able to buy gems and get some freebies by using it. You will have to use your apple/google account to sign in. By the sounds of things this will replace the in-game crystal shop

Max character rank has been increased to 160, and as always new titles for max player rank and daily login will be added

As per the norm, character rank missions will be increased

Live bonus has been reworked. You will now be able to recover up to 15 bonus energy naturally (the limit is currently 10), and you will be able to overfill the meter to 999 instead of 99. Bonus energy's effect on event pts will also be reworked, refer to the chart below for the new bonuses

It will now be easier to obtain another vocal tickets. Their cost has been reduced in the event exchange and wish piece exchange, and two tickets will be given out from character rank and birthday lives. However, to balance this, the cost of a solo alt vocal has been changed to two tickets. The amount of another vocal tickets you own will be adjusted accordingly in the update.

Fes cards will now count as event bonus towards the event they were released alongside. E.g, the Rui and Rin Bloom Fes cards will count as event bonus for the upcoming Nene event.

The rewards earned from completing the tutorial will be increased. Existing users will be compensated accordingly.

You will now be able to exchange limited gacha tickets for wish pieces

All stories will now be fully voiced, even for faceless NPCs. Currently unconfirmed if this will apply retroactively

Starting from October, the number of random rerun limited gachas will decrease to one. This is because they ran out of gachas to rerun.

Birthday gacha reruns have been reworked. Rather than rerunning all past birthday cards separately, they will now be lumped into one gacha.

Kizuna rank for Honami/Mafuyu, Saki/Mizuki, and Haruka/Len implemented

Section 2 - Campaigns

Here's a list of all the campaigns and gachas that will be running over the next few weeks.

Fortune Flower Parade

This campaign will be held from September 30th for one month

You will be able to collect Fortune Flowers and Petals from event exchange, live missions, and stamp missions.

You will be able to exchange those items for some other special items, such as costumes, skill up scores that will instantly max out your skill, Character Rank XP vials, and some special wish jewels (i'm not exactly sure of their purpose but they have a unique design)

There are six different colours of petals and each can be obtained through different methods and be exchanged for different items. Refer to the chart below

Present 4 You

To celebrate the fourth anniversary, four presents will be given out to players

Present 1: Five 4* guaranteed gacha tickets will be given out to all players. These will also replace the 3* tickets for any new players.

Present 2: All another vocals will be released on youtube for two weeks. You will also receive two another vocal tickets for every character.

Present 3: There will be an in-game survey asking players to pick their three most wanted prizes from a list for the next couple days. The three most picked prizes will be awarded at a later date.

Present 4: There will be a prize giveaway on twitter. For following their twitter and retweeting the campaign post, there's a chance to win some prizes (they're really random like a gopro and a coffee machine lol).

Other campaigns and gachas

Login campaign: Earn up to 5000 gems and 7 10-pull tickets from logging in for a week after the anniversary.

Operation Welcome to SEKAI will run again

Special Prize gacha: a gacha where you can earn prizes the more you pull in it. This will run between the 28th and 30th of September. It will also have doubled 4* rates.

Stamp missions and paid costume gachas as per the usual

Happiness Package gacha

Limited edition select list and memorial select list (same as last year)

Section 3 - Songs

Anniversary Song

The fourth anniversary song has been announced! The title is Neppu and it was produced by kemu! Below is kemu’s comment on the song (via @/pjsekai_eng on Twitter).

Song Campaign

The song campaign hint sheet has been revealed, and actually has hints again for the first time in a while. The answers will be revealed during broadcast station on the 27th.

Note: blank tiles include special characters

Answers

Mozaik Role -Reloaded- by DECO*27 (L/n cover + 3DMV)

Mesmerizer by 32ki

Kisaragi Attention by JIN (MMJ cover)

Main Character by *Luna

Call Boy by syudou (BAD DOGS cover)

Kimi to Boku no Resonance by nanameueP

Tensei Ringo by PinocchioP (WxS cover)

Blackjack by YuchaP

Shadow Shadow by Azari (N25 cover + 3DMV)

Outside of the campaign, we also have Cat Food by doriko covered by MMJ + Miku.

This year's high-difficulty commission has also been announced. The song is called Seimeisei Syndrome and was produced by Camellia. It will have a master difficulty of 33 and an append difficulty of 36. A preview can be viewed in the livestream archive (for some reason it was not uploaded to Twitter).

Section 3 - Lives

4th live

Project SEKAI's 4th live was announced last month, titled Unison!! The live will be held in two locations: Osaka on December 13th-15th, and Tokyo on January 24th-26th!

A PV can be found here!

The official account for all information about the live is, as always, @/pjsekai_live on Twitter.

Here are some close-ups of the group artwork above, as well as some chibi artworks. The costumes used as the ones that will be available from the Fortune Flower exchange.

A video teaching player the glowstick movements and chants for I'm Mine has also been posted to Youtube!

Connect live

A connect live to celebrate the fourth anniversary has been announced. It is titled Brilliant Stage and will be held on the 6th of October! There will also be a "meet and greet" session after the two performances of the live, similar to Resonance Beats. A short login story to commemorate the live will be available on October 5th & 6th.

A medley of previously unperformed songs will be performed during this connect live. The songs were given as Aioi, Hug, Hitsuji ga Ippiki, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY, and I nandesu.

Section 4 - Event and gacha

The next event will be Carry These Feelings! Dream Stage, a Nene-focused event. Shiho, Airi, and Toya will be the other rateups! The 3* is Ena based on the event logo. Rui and Rin will be featured as the Bloom Fes cards.

The bfes gacha will be Dream Pick, utilising the same system as last year (you get two extra slots to fill). You will also be able to get Fortune Flowers as a reward for pulling on this gacha.

As mentioned earlier, there will also be paid costume gachas. You will be able to earn Fortune Flowers from pulling in these gachas. Here's a preview of the costumes.

Section 5 - Project SEKAI: The Movie

A Project SEKAI movie animated by P.A.WORKS was announced back in July. More information on that can be found here. A new trailer was shown during Broadcast Station, which can be found linked above. Some new character visuals will be posted below, but aside from that, please refer to the linked post which will go into the new information in further detail.

Section 6 - MY SEKAI

MY SEKAI is a new gameplay feature that will be added during the 4th anniversary. It's an Animal Crossing-esque farming/life sim game that you can play using your Virtual Live avatar. You can build you own SEKAI and house and decorate it however you like! You will also be able to talk to chibi versions of the main characters and interact with them, as well as visit your friends' SEKAIs!

Your MY SEKAI will also have a new feature called the transformation machine! This is where you can exchange some of your excess resources into things that are more useful to you (that's right they finally made the materials exchange).

I do not know how much storage or power this will take to run. I am very sorry for your devices.

Section 7 - Misc News

A livestream leading up to the 4th anniversary has been scheduled for 29th September at 11:30pm JST (2:30pm UTC). The stream will feature Chiruriin, Honchan, Akina, Daichan, and Ruirui.

A digest video of the previous Colorful Lives will be shown on Youtube on the 5th of October at 6pm JST (9am UTC). This stream will not be archived, so make sure to catch it!

[hers-underwraps]

Why Dashi is my favourite character 🩷

This is something I've been wanting to talk about for awhile. I've been putting it off because I typically like to keep my posts lighthearted and fun. Also, this is kinda a personal thing for me lol. However I just think it's important to get it out there.

————————————————————————

Feelings around Dashi in the Octonauts community are so mixed, some people enjoy her whilst other have a pure hatred for Dashi. Unfortunately, there is a large majority that holds that hatred in their hear or people that like her but only for her aesthetic. Hence this is why I wanted to get my thought of why I valued her out there as someone who values her deeply for her character.

Dashi has always been someone I've idolised. As a young girl, she was the epitome of a woman. She was able to exist as someone confident in what her passion was, someone who actively engaged in fields such as coding and engineering, she could lead her crew and be a daredevil. She was also able to be confident in her femininity, she could love pink, and she could love photography and her music. She's an older sister (and a really good one at that), she can be a little silly and she could hold quality/unique relationships with other members of the team. She was also able to accomplish all of this authentically. She wasn't considered a rare exception in the show, this was just considered the norm and it was honestly something I envy so much.

This was something that I took away from the main series of the Octonauts.

That's what she meant to me from the limited screen time that she got. I remember watching the damselfish episode and thinking omg this is the coolest thing ever. Or that episode where they made the tiny camera of the worm and glued it back together. The manta-ray episode where she was so determined to achieve her goal. She held quality relationships with several members. Seriously one of my favourite Dashi moments with the others was her running off with kwazii in the Siphonophore episode. She was always a central member in leading the team and was confident in her leadership/decisions. A few I remember off the top of my head were the episode where they needed a new bubble generator, that one episode where half the crew got beached and she and kwazii were working to get them back or the surfing snail episode. Also I know this isn't from the OG series but I really like her in the ring of fire and San Actun specials (I refuse to watch the Great Barrier Reef special so idk what was happening there)

This was how I interpreted her character before I found out there was a spin-off series that put her in a central role, which honestly was awesome to me because it just affirmed my interpretation of Dashi. It affirmed that my way of interpreting her was not just in my head. Everything she meant to me was real.

This is what made it more heartbreaking for me when I found out that there were so many people who hated her role in both the original and spinoff series. These people thought her role was forced, that her character choices were off and that she was just another mary-sue.

I think a lot of people fail to see one of the main reasons as to why Dashi is an important character to the people that do value her.

This stems from how important representation is for young people. The original series was released back in 2010. Looking at this era contextually, sexism in everyday life was still a massive problem. Stereotypical traditional roles were heavily enforced in media and everyday life. Basic rights for women were largely failing to be met. Even though things have improved a little bit since then, sexism is still a massive issue that affects every woman. So you can imagine how much it meant to the young girls watching this show to see an autonomous and feminine character being able to achieve so much.

Even though she was a side character in the main series, she was who you looked at, I mean how could you not? Just looking at her aesthetically she is quite literally the only one with a stereotypical "feminine" colour palette. She was the only girl on the crew that presented in a traditionally feminine way.

Then you're probably thinking but what about tweak? Well yes, she was absolutely a groundbreaking character too. However, she is presented in such a masculine way that I don't always feel like she has the same impact that Dashi does. She was original going to be a man and she is aired as a man in other translations of The Octonauts (the Russian one off the top of my head). She is as typically "feminine" as Dashi, she honestly lacks any of those qualities. NOTE: (NO HATE TO TWEAK OR GIRLS WHO ARE LIKE HER, I LOVE TWEAK AND MASC GIRLIES)

This is important to me because when I was younger I believed that in order to have a passion in fields that were considered more "masculine" such as science or mathematics you had to reject femininity. That stereotype was so heavily pushed on me and it was genuinely so damaging. I felt that I had to reject everything feminine and I did. I remember getting reprimanded and told "I'm barely even a woman" for my interests. I always felt that I had to sacrifice a part of myself and it was genuinely such a depressing way to be. Sometimes its so bad that I just has breakdowns because I feel I don't belong and I always have that impending feeling of doom that I ever will. I always feel so isolated because I genuinely found it so hard to find other women who shared that interest. On the rare chance I did find someone, they were cases similar to Tweak, girls that had rejected and demonised all feminity to the point where they were basically considered dudes.

This is still something I struggle with so much today. Yes, a girl can enter into a STEM field without being burnt at the stake but there's still so very few. I'm sitting in physics and mathematics classes where I'm effectively the only girl there. Female scientists are never talked about and I'm by other teachers as a rare exception. I still struggle to feel as if I can exist as both feminine and as someone who can be passionate about STEM. Being feminine is so demonised and intimidating in those fields due to the sheer lack of representation, you feel as if it's necessary to conform to a more masculine demeanour. On the flip side, having a genuine passion for STEM is so freaky in the eyes of other girls. If I try and talk about something remotely related to that, I feel as if they're about to hurl tomatoes at me so I never talk about it. It feels like I can never exist authentically and fully as myself, some days I feel like I lose myself, like I don't belong. I value being feminine I really do. I've always been passionate about feminism, I love the colour pink, pretty things and I like presenting that way. But I also love STEM I'm so passionate about it. I just wish there was a way that I could exist as both.

This is why I idolise Dashi so much. She is what I want to be. She's confident in her femininity and confident in her career. She doesn't; need to sacrifice this to achieve her goals. She can exist in a male-dominated crew (which is a realistic scenario for an irl workplace in those fields) without changing that about her. She isn't treated as a rare exception but just valued a normal part of the team.

She is a Stargirl to so many young girls. She exists as an autonomous and bright character, she isn't entirely defined by just her career or gender but she actively represents both. She's realistic, she's flawed, and she grows so much throughout the series and I think her growth is then appreciated in the spin-off. In a world that's lacking authentic representation in both media and so many male-dominated fields, it's so important to realise the innate value of these characters.

So that's why Dashi is my favourite character. She means the world to me.

She always has and always will 🩷

[digi-lov]

DIGIMON CARD GAME: Next Plan Announcement

Very exciting news for what's to come in 2025 and beyond!! Must read for Appmon fans!

SPECIAL BOOSTER Ver.2.5 [BT19-20] Release Date: February 28, 2025!

In Japan the next release is BT-20 Booster Over the X!

We got some previews of what to expect! With Tamers from Digimon Chronicle and Chronicle X, Digimon Seekers, and Digimon Liberator, as well as Alphamon Ouryuken Ace and Zephagamon Ace!!

The Special Booster Ver. 2.5 will include serial cards WarGreymon & MetalGarurumon!

There will be a Celebration Event for Special Booster Ver. 2.5 The Event Period is February 21 - March 7, 2025 and all players will receive a BT20-090 Yuuki alt-art as a prize!

Here's another look at the first wave of official sleeves for 2025!

Next we have the illustration and logo to commemorate the global unification of the Digimon Card Game release! This included the Japanese, English, and Simplified Chinese releases.

The Release dates for the next Starter Decks, ST-20 Protector of Light and ST-21 Hero of Hope have been revealed to be April 18, 2025!

These Starter Decks will include double tamers for the Adventure cast, as well as "Scramble" cards of all colors with new artwork!

There will also be a Release Event encouraging people to introduce friends to the game!

Next up, the release date of BT-21 World Convergence on April 25, 2025!

This set will once again include Digimon and Tamers from all anime seasons, but now including Digimon Universe Applimonsters!

Now we also finally got to see the new [Link] keyword! This effect reads as follows, in this case for [Appmon] trait: Cost 1 (Plug this card from the hand or battle area sideways into the specified Digimon in the battle area.) In the case of this Gatchmon card, this will give the linked Digimon an extra 2000 DP!

BT-21 will also include Owen Dreadnought and Elizamon, and Zenith and Vemmon from Digimon Liberator!

We will also get the previously announced signed cards, and now get a look at the artist's signatures!

Titamon by toriyufu, WarGreymon (X Antibody) by As'Maria, Agunimon by Naochika Morishita, Lanamon by Tonamikanji, Beelzemon: Blast Mode by Keita Amemiya, GraceNovamon by Nakano Haito, and Zephagamon by sasasi!

We also get a sneak peak at the cards from the "Illustration Celebration Pack" which will be included as Box topper! These cards had previously been voted for by attendees of Digimon Con 2024, and got new artworks by the same artists.

There will also be a purchase bonus pack, [LM-05], with 6 new promos and 4 alt-art reprints! The new cards are Valkyrimon, Vikemon, Regalecusmon, Rasielmon, Darkdramon Ace, and Ghoulmon Ace!

Much like the Special Booster Ver. 2.5 will include numbered WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon, BT-21 will feature a low pull-rate numbered Omnimon!

Now more looks at future releases!

EX-09 Extra Booster VERSUS MONSTERS has been announced, with a release date of June 26, 2025! This set will pay homage to the Digital Monster Ver. 1-5 v-pets!

It is unclear if the cards with these special borders will be the Special Rares of the set, or if all cards will recieve them.

Next up, BT-22 Boster CYBER EDEN, a long awaited Cyber Sleuth set! This will be Aiba Ami's debut to the card game! Scheduled to release July 25, 2025!

A tease for EX-10 Extra Booster SINISTER ORDER! They say it will include Villains from all Digimon Anime Seasons! Scheduled to release September 19, 2025!

Then an announcement for LM-06 Limited Card Pack BILLION BULLET! Pre-orders will start in March 2025 with a planned delivery in October 2025! What do you think could be in there?

Lastly another encouragement to go read Digimon Liberator! We got a preview of Episode 10 Part 1 and 2 covers, with the first "good look" at Violet's Ghostmon in its new mega form!

[toaarcan]

What does Mephiles want?

So, Mephiles is my favourite Sonic villain and has been for a while now. His vibes are simply off the charts. But his schemes within schemes are generally considered overly convoluted and nonsensical, and while there's an element of the former, the latter is, in my opinion, an unfair angle.

I know Sonic 06's writing is not the best in general, but I genuinely think Mephiles is one of the best-handled parts of it. So I thought I'd break down why I think he does what he does.

1) Why didn't he just fuse with Iblis in the future/immediately kill Elise to free Iblis in the present/do X more logical and straightforward path to his ultimate goal?

I'm getting this one out of the way slightly out of order because this is another of the many examples of "Audience expects characters to be rational, logical actors who never make emotion-driven decisions."

I can sit here and make theories as to why fusing in the future doesn't work, or argue the toss over whether Elise's death is really a means of releasing Iblis, but the simple answer here is that Mephiles is not a logical actor. He is a spiteful, sadistic monster who could do things the quick and clean way... but he's a time-travelling immortal with power enough to equal the Ultimate Life Form, why not have some fun along the way?

It should also be noted that during the events of Sonic 06, Mephiles has existed as an independent entity for ten years. He spent all ten of those years trapped in a vessel roughly the size of a soda can. Your facetious "Hurr durr why doesn't he just cut onions under Elise's eyes" gotcha can be easily countered by asking "At what point in this man's very short and limited existence would he have learned about the ocular effects of chopping onions?"

2) Mephiles and Shadow: Revenge

Well firstly we need to set aside most of what he does in Shadow's story. Yes, really. The only parts of Shadow's story that are actually part of Mephiles' big plan are the following:

Trying to break or corrupt Shadow in the future.

Acquiring a Chaos Emerald so he can use it to summon the others once Iblis is free.

Shadow actually thwarts that last one, but it doesn't matter, because as we see in the Last Episode, he simply goes and gets another one once he realises that the green and yellow ones are out of play for the moment.

See, Mephiles' attempts to mess with Shadow's head have nothing to do with reforming Solaris. They're a separate, more personal agenda. Because Mephiles isn't single-mindedly focusing on reforming Solaris. He's also out for revenge.

Mephiles' interactions with Shadow are often read as him attempting to corrupt Shadow and turn him over to the dark side, but I'm not sure if that really matters all that much to Mephiles, besides as a means to an end. We see Mephiles really manipulating people in Silver's story, after all, and he has a different approach.

While manipulating Silver, Mephiles presents himself as a benevolent ally, who offers a desperate Silver a means of stopping Iblis once and for all.

Once Silver starts to question him, Mephiles is evasive, not giving Silver a straight answer but instead applying time pressure, reminding him that if he fails in his mission, Iblis' rampage will continue unabated, and implying that time is running out before Sonic triggers the end of the world.

But that's not how he approaches Shadow. Instead, upon meeting Shadow for the first time since he was sealed, Mephiles laughs his mouthless head off, shambles around like a zombie, and promises him "a one-way ticket to oblivion."

I don't think he's trying to get Shadow to join him, guys.

And sure, when Shadow confronts Mephiles in Flame Core, he does extend an offer to Shadow, trying to tempt him to turn on humanity for their future betrayal. He positions the idea of Shadow avenging himself on humanity again as a reasonable thing, as justice.

But when Shadow doesn't bite, he doesn't press it. He just shrugs it off, goes into his crystalline form, and proceeds to start trying to kill Shadow. But why try to make this offer at all?

Easy: This is before Shadow saves Sonic from Silver at Radical Train. If Shadow doesn't intervene, because he's either evil or broken, Silver kills Sonic right there while Elise is watching, helpless in the grip of Eggman's hovercraft, and she probably cries and releases Iblis a few days early.

That's why he switches focus to trying to break Shadow's spirit after this point: Any benefit he could've gotten from corrupting Shadow no longer matters.

Revealing more of Shadow's fate in the future, and everything else he does after this point, isn't about trying to turn Shadow to darkness again. It's about hurting him. That's it. He just wants to hurt Shadow, make him feel like his heroics are futile, because all those ungrateful humans will turn on him in the end anyway, even one of his closest friends will betray him, ordered to hunt down, defeat, and seal Shadow in a prison for a crime he didn't commit.

Past their encounter in Flame Core, this isn't remotely part of the Solaris plan any more, it's purely about Mephiles wanting to torment Shadow, it's revenge for what he does in Aquatic Base in the past. Shadow sealed him in the Sceptre of Darkness ten years ago, and the vast majority of their interactions are Mephiles trying to do exactly what he promised after he escaped.

And that desire for revenge rather neatly explains why he goes about targeting Silver and Elise the way he does too.

3) Mephiles and Silver: For Iblis

Despite his monstrousness, there is someone that Mephiles cares about deeply: Iblis. True, that's technically just another part of himself, but they do exist as separate entities for most of the game, and Mephiles refers to Iblis by name and as a separate entity to himself when Iblis is freed.

And this, combined with his vengefulness, neatly explains why he sends Silver after Sonic.

Because Silver fights Iblis every day. Because when he and Iblis were newly-separated and trying to escape from Aquatic Base, Silver hunted Iblis down and captured him, enabling the Duke to seal him (more on that later). Silver was the instrument of Iblis' sealing, and desperately wants to kill Iblis. What would be more ironic (and we know Mephiles has an appreciation for irony, it's literally in his first line in Shadow's story) than using Silver himself to bring about Iblis' liberation?

How does Mephiles know that Silver is responsible? Time travel, of course. Like, he had to learn where Iblis was sealed, and that crying was the key to the seal on him somehow, he almost certainly hopped back to Aquatic Base to see what went down on Silver's side of things.

That Silver is a good (if desperate) person, but Mephiles is trying to manipulate him into killing another hero only adds to the satisfaction Mephiles would get from watching this all play out.

And though Silver fails, and realises the truth, his interference with Sonic's side of the story only helps push Mephiles closer to his goal, and the third aspect of his vengeance.

4) Mephiles, the Duke, and Elise: Sins of the Father

Let's talk about everyone's favourite Sonic character, Princess Elise III.

Elise is Iblis' vessel, and is incredibly emotionally repressed, having somehow not cried since she was about seven years old, despite both of her parents being dead, the pressures of being a monarch, and the general hormone-driven emotional instability of being a teenager.

As the one thing holding Iblis' rampage back, Elise's death in the crashing Egg Carrier at the end of Sonic and Silver's trip through Kingdom Valley is the point where Iblis broke free and ruined everything. Setting aside whether her death caused it or if she shed a single tear before impact. But this isn't enough for Mephiles, apparently, and despite her being Iblis' vessel, he takes very little interest in her throughout the story... or does he?

Mephiles could take Elise's death as a W, hop over to the crash site and fuse with Iblis there. But he doesn't? Why?

Because he specifically wants to break the seal by making her cry.

This is why Silver's failures play into Mephiles' hands anyway. Because by trying to kill Sonic, Silver keeps opening the doors for Elise to get captured again, forcing Sonic to rush to her aid once more, and generally making their time together much more dramatic and emotionally-tense. This almost certainly helps get Elise, uhhhhh... let's just say attached to Sonic, meaning that when, at the beginning of the final act, Mephiles hits Sonic with the ol' "Nothin personnel kid", Elise's overstressed emotional repression finally fails and she breaks down, releasing Iblis.

But why does he want to do this? Why go through all the extra hurdles of piling more pressure on Elise until she snaps, when he could theoretically just kill her and set Iblis free, or literally just be there for her death?

You guessed it, it's revenge again. But not against Elise, against her father, using Elise as a proxy.

I think if there's anyone in the entire universe that Mephiles outright despises, it's this guy.

The Duke of Soleanna was responsible for the original Solaris Project, during which he attempted to control Solaris' power in order to give himself and his people power over time. However, it's heavily implied that the experiments weren't exactly a pleasant experience for Solaris, given that they ultimately destabilised him, resulting in him being explosively torn into two parts.

This event is the entire reason that Solaris, and his two fragments, are hostile. Before the Solaris Project, Solaris himself was a benevolent and benign entity. As the Flame of Hope, he was genuinely worshipped by the people of Soleanna, and was said to have once saved the city from a great fire, while in the form of an eagle.

Now, it's been theorised that Solaris actually caused that fire, but there's no actual evidence to suggest that beyond association with fire, and engineering a false-flag disaster to force people to worship him generally isn't in-character with what we know of Solaris pre-Project.

That said, their faith wasn't without its darker side, as prophecy foretold that one day, Solaris' wrath would be incurred, manifesting in the forms of the Flames of Disaster. And this is exactly what the Solaris Project ended up doing, driving Solaris berserk and resulting in both of his halves becoming monsters.

So for Mephiles, hatred of Duke, and Elise by proxy, would already be extremely personal. But it doesn't stop there, because the Duke is also the one to seal Iblis within Elise, putting him in the line of fire for the same reasons as Shadow and Silver.

And how better to exact a posthumous vengeance against the Duke than by emotionally breaking his beloved daughter, and in doing so, directly undoing the seal he made, in precisely the way he tried to prevent?

Mephiles' mind was probably made up on how he'd free Iblis from the moment he learned what the key to the lock was.

5) Mephiles' actual goals.

With that in mind, here's my simplified list of what Mephiles wants to achieve in 06.

Re-fuse into Solaris.

Free Iblis by emotionally devastating Elise.

In destroying Elise, achieve vengeance on the Duke by ruining his plans and tormenting his daughter.

Make Silver the one to free Iblis by killing Sonic, an ironic punishment for sealing Iblis to begin with.

Torment Shadow with the terrible future ahead of him as vengeance for sealing him to begin with (Side project).

And hell, here's a flowchart.

It's a bit small, but it should be the right size if you open it in a new tab.

So yeah, I don't think Mephiles' plan is overly convoluted. Most of his actual plan to reunite with Iblis is straightforward enough. Everything other aspect is either a contingency or a side-project, and any inefficiencies are the result of his sadistic need for vengeance on Shadow, Silver, and the Duke.

[foreverunraveling]

Is it just me, or does Young Royals really love to scare us, lull us into a false sense of security, and then pull the rug out from underneath us (in a way that's much worse than the original threat)?

For example, you see August clocking Wille leaving the movie before Simon in episode 2.

You (if you weren't too distracted by the scene itself) might have worried that he might show up when they were having their first kiss there. But he didn't. The show consciously created that tension and then relieved it as a foreshadowing of the much worse version of that to come later.

That tension is recreated at the end of episode 4 when August is shown outside a window at Forest Ridge.

There's a brief moment of relief--he's at Alex's window, not Wille's. While you know deep down where this has to be going, you still have a kernel of hope. And then even when he does make it to Wille's room, you can't tell it's a boy (let alone Simon) for five full seconds. Hope tries to stay alive. We all know how it ends, though--that tension snaps right back into our faces when August spots Wille and Simon moments later.

This happens on a different scale with Wille and Simon's planned weekend together in episode 3. When Wilhelm tells Simon that August will be staying at Forest Ridge, that introduces a tension of "will they get their weekend together?"

That tension of "will they get their weekend together" is relieved when Wille asks if he can come to Simon's in Bjarstad, only to AGAIN snap right back into our faces when a much bigger problem surfaces--Erik dies. So, they don't get their weekend anyways.

Hell, there's even a hint of this in episode 2 when August walks in on Wilhelm looking at Simon's Instagram before rowing practice. He doesn't actually see what Wille was doing, though--so it's okay--and he ends up taking a call from Erik.

In another way, this happens with Wilhelm and Felice's relationship from season 1 to season 2. She initially kisses him in episode 3, and we worry that he might just go with it. He doesn't, though. What a relief. In the next episode, though, once he's crown prince, Wilhelm is publicly flirting with Felice (despite her relationship with August) over how "cute" she looks in a video. But our worries about this fade with the release of the video and Felice's support into season 2...

Until they actually almost hook up in the third episode, that is.

And it's definitely not limited to Simon and Wille and their relationships. It comes up with Sara and August too. When he initially kisses her in episode 4 of season 1, you might worry that maybe Sara will respond in a less-than-healthy manner, or that she'll keep what happened to herself instead of telling Felice. Sara rebuffs him, though, and tells Felice about what happened in the stables later that episode.

Tension introduced and relieved, so we move on. But then in the final episode of season 1, Sara goes to August's room to confront him about the video. And she ends up kissing him. In season 2, they end up being in AN ENTIRE SECRET RELATIONSHIP that Sara keeps from Felice. The original fear that you might have had about August twisting his way into Sara's heart was well-founded, it seems.

There are also smaller examples. Like when you see Erik driving incredibly fast in episode 1, or when you see Wilhelm riding on the scooters with Simon, Rosh, and Ayub in episode 2, some people worried there might be some kind of accident. (He was going hands-free, for fuck's sake.)

Well, in both of those instances, everything turned out okay, while Erik's actual offscreen accident in episode 3 obviously did not.

The anxiety about Marcus catching Wilhelm and Simon kissing at the Valentine's party is momentarily alleviated when it looks like him and Simon are going inside, but then Marcus turns around and sees Wille (not to mention he sees Simon eyeing Wille throughout the entire song and during the applause).

Let's not even get started on the drugs. We thought that storyline was resolved, gone, done away with after Alexander was seemingly expelled during season 1.

But then he's back in season 2, and the question of whether anyone will tell Alex that Wilhelm was the one to pin the blame on him arises. It seems a minor issue--given that Alexander wasn't actually expelled, and he seems to like Wille, we don't necessarily expect it to matter all too much. In episode 6, though, the "drug thing" is back at the top of our list of problems. We thought that this had been dealt with! That we'd gotten past it!

But it's worse than before--there's a pill bottle with Simon's father's name on it, and August has it! August has a potential witness behind him (Alex) and is threatening to tell not just the school, but the cops!

Don't worry, though, the tension is relieved when Simon tells Wille he's not going to report August to the police... for approximately six seconds until we see that Sara is reporting August instead.

Anyways, following this pattern, you can draw some really interesting potential conclusions about season 3 based on some of the big tension reliefs that have occurred over the past two seasons. Not saying that any of these will happen, but I'm preparing myself for anything:

Wilhelm has some sort of drug OD—like Simon (and some of the audience, probably) worried on the night of the Society party. This is one I'm really hoping doesn't come up.

Wilhelm actually kills August—when Wilhelm puts that gun down, it's a massive relief for most of us (also the characters present). This would just be... wild. And would explain Omar's tweets about how crazy the season is, I guess.

Sara outs Stella's crush on Fredricka, like she was threatening to do when Felice was moving out of their room at the Manor House. Istg if she does this I might lose it.

Wilhelm's mother dies. This was definitely one idea on some people's minds when Wilhelm takes that call that turns out to be about Erik in episode 3.

Wilhelm actually abdicates. This is definitely a threat made in season 2 that was later assuaged. I'm pulling for Wilhelm taking the throne only to abolish the monarchy. That might be a bit too optimistic on my part, though.

ALTERNATIVELY, August gets the throne. They teased us with this when Wilhelm almost didn't give the speech. August was literally walking up to the podium when Wille leapt up to take his place and momentarily rescued us from the notion that August was going to be ascending the throne.

Wilhelm and/or Simon and/or Sara get pulled from Hillerska. After the video, both Simon and Sara were potentially not going to return to the school. Simon was even late for the first day back, when he missed the choir performance. And Wille was almost physically removed from the school in episode 2 of season 2. Given the statement in the trailer about the school potentially shutting down... this one doesn't seem like too much of a long shot.

It's hard to say what any of this could mean for Simon/Wilhelm's relationship—I mean, in season 1, we had about six instances where we thought we'd get Simon and Wilhelm together and originally didn't (the first music room scene, the conversation after Erik's memorial, the second music room scene/drug situation, the video leak, Wilhelm LYING about the video leak).... the reasons kept getting worse and worse, until there's a release of tension when Wille says he won't deny the video—only for it to be far more crushing when he does deny it having promised otherwise. It seems like there's a new, bigger problem every time they turn around. So far, they've overcome all of the obstacles they've faced (honestly, I don't know how)... but I can't imagine that they're about to be facing an easy course based on that trailer.

Anyways, these are my meandering thoughts about some ways that we can try to guess at what we might have coming based on the show's patterns and its use of foreshadowing. Like I said, I'm just trying to mentally prepare myself for some of the wild-ass shit that might go down. So these are some crazy scenarios based on a few fake-outs that we've had so far. I'm still hoping that they don't take the smallest, most hopeful bits of seasons 1 and 2 and crush them in season 3....

[cartoonartistpng]

Mephiles the Mind, Iblis the Heart

Basically a breakdown of how I interpreted 06 but also a foundation I use for all my AUs.

Mephiles is highly intelligent and apathetic while Iblis relies on emotion and is more like a wild animal. Mephiles does not have full access to Solaris' time powers, but Iblis does. However, Iblis does not have the mental capacity to actually use them.

Things that are less “interpretive” and more “theory”:

This is why Iblis needed a powerful emotion to be released

In the original timeline, the one which led to Silver’s future, it was Elise’s death which released Iblis. Because the seal was broken improperly, Mephiles could not recombine with Iblis. Therefore, he would need to look for a different way, but he can’t with Sonic being there and being an obstacle (not while Mephiles is still weak). Hence why he brought in Silver—a powerful hedgehog determined to save his future no matter the cost—who is also a completely new factor to change the timeline. Silver would keep Sonic busy while Mephiles figured out how to properly release Iblis… Since letting her die didn’t work last time. When Silver began figuring out the charade, Mephiles didn’t care enough to try hard with his manipulations, especially if it meant Silver would help keep Elise alive. However, once Mephiles realized the way to release Iblis was via an extreme emotion from Elise well… how convenient that the Princess grew attached to a certain blue hedgehog. Turns out killing Sonic really was the key all along. And if you want something done right… you gotta do it yourself.

Essentially (to explain Mephiles’ weird planning in canon), Mephiles did not know the seal was reliant on Elise’s emotions in the beginning, so he sends Silver to distract Sonic while he figures out how to actually free his other half. How ironic that killing Sonic is indeed what needs to happen. Mephiles basically has a “wait, it’s actually that simple?” moment

The strong emotion can be anything—grief, anger, joy, fear—it just has to be strong. Like a “consuming your mind” kind of strong.

The original explosion which killed Elise was too sudden for any strong emotion to pop up. (Even in her last moments, she had faith Sonic would save her.)

Mephiles is the mind while Iblis is the heart. Only once combined does Mephiles—or Solaris now—actually feel feelings. However, Solaris is still adjusting after the disoriented episode of being literally split in two and so acts completely on his anger toward mortals for taking advantage of him.

At the end of 06, Solaris isn’t destroyed but rather is scattered/subdued, and everyone will already be long gone by the time Solaris’ pieces are reunited. Like “after Dark Gaia and Light Gaia have restarted the planet” kind of long time. They are gods after all. Time is different for them.

The rest of this is sparked from my “Trinity Gods�� fanon. Aka, Gaia, the Master Emerald, and Solaris are the three gods who created Earth, as well as any planets prior to Earth. The Master Emerald is also called “Mother Chaos”.

While Gaia slumbers, Mother Chaos and Solaris watch over the planet to protect it. During Earth’s creation, Mother Chaos took on a physical form (ie. The Master Emerald) to live on Earth amongst its creatures. Curious about all Mother Chaos learned whilst living amongst mortals, Solaris decided to also take on a physical form and live amongst them. However, this meant limiting his ability to see the future—or rather which future would come true. Thus, Solaris did not see what the humans planned on doing with him until it was too late.

Gaia and Mother Chaos are A-Okay with Solaris destroying the planet. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time one of them has, after all. It’d be a bummer for it to end so soon, but they can just make another one. It’s because of this that they don’t interfere with Solaris’ plot… as well as the fact that their creations had hurt their friend.

It’s also this familiarity that means the Chaos Emeralds will so easily obey Mephiles. Doesn’t matter who posses them or if they’re on the other side of the planet, if the gods call, they answer.

[nipuni]

Hello! Time for another blog post! I think my last one was two months ago and a lot has happened since 😊

We have been attending a ton of historical recreation events so I still have many photos to share, hope you don't hate those! It's been really fun! We are exhausted and all out of social battery however so we are taking it easy this month. Another thing that's been happening a lot is that even when we are not dressed in historical clothing we keep getting stopped by strangers on the street because of our everyday outfits, it's been like that for a couple of years now so we are no longer startled or nervous about it but it's happening more and more often now and it's so nice! we always end up chatting about the events we go to and our jobs and hobbies and exchanging contacts or they ask for photos and stuff! people are really kind and excited about it and I still find it so surprising in the best way. We grew up in a very hostile city and environment and that makes you paranoid and cynical so these interactions and response has been healing really. I know their words will stick with us for years to come 😭 Sadly the unbearable heat is starting though so that means our outings for the next three months will be limited to the crack of dawn and after sunset 😞 but at least the summer brings a lot of fruit with it so we can sit at home and eat pineapples and strawberries while we wait for autumn.

My family came to visit a few months ago too and we made them watch most of Doctor Who's season one to four and some of our favourite episodes from all the other seasons lmao. And much to our delight they really enjoyed it!! They both loved Ten the most and my step dad is now in love with Martha 🥰

We have also been watching the current season and it's been so fun keeping up with fandom theories in real time and talking about it and speculating with friends in person, it's the first time we get a chance to do it since we got into the series and we are enjoying it a lot!

We also watched season one of Jessica Jones and we loved David's performance as Kilgrave!! He stole the show for real. Kilgrave is such an incredible villain, one of the best I've seen and DT does such an amazing job portraying every aspect of him. He's detestable and volatile and frighteningly powerful and has such an intimidating terrifying presence in the narrative while also being pathetic and vulnerable and ridiculous and childish and so human with all it's worrying implications. It was just so gripping and I wish he had stayed for the rest of the show honestly!! Now we have to pick our next David Tennant series to watch! 😊

Also!! Dragon Age is back!! AHHH I wanted to thank everyone that commented on my last DA pieces, it has made my month to read the comments, I didn't expect so many people to remember my art or my character after so many years and it's so touching and flattering you have no idea 😭💘 I look forward to making more and sharing them with you all, I'm truly grateful for the kindness you've shown me both back then and now I hope you know.

I feel so spoiled lately with all these franchises that I love releasing new content!! I've never been in these many fandoms at once!! I have so many ideas to draw and keep jumping back and forth between drawings from different shows and games AAAAA it's a good and welcome change honestly, keeps me busy and inspired!

Anyway that's all for now I think! I hope you are doing well and this summer/winter is kind to you all ❤️

[pretending-ican-write]

Cowboy Up - Pt.4

A/n: I think there will be another part after this before the show starts and they will be getting together! I'm currently going through episode by episode and pulling out all the scenes I want to be a part of this. No promises that this won't get abandoned or take forever to write but I do have a mental endgame for it in s5!

Pairing: Ryan (Yellowstone) x Dutton!reader

WC: 871

Previous part - Next part

---

The peace of a still sleeping bunkhouse was disturbed by Rip rushing in and the loud bang of the door against the wall.  

“Lloyd, have you seen y/n?  She didn’t answer the door and the trailer’s locked,” he asked hurriedly scanning the bunkhouse, “Ryan why the fuck are you on the couch?”

Rip looked at the hand under the blankets and connected dots as Lloyd stirred from his own bunk to ask what was going on.  The foreman stormed into the other room to find exactly what he expected, y/n just waking up in Ryan’s bunk.  She rolled over and looked over up at him confused.

Y/n pulled herself up in the bed, “why are you shouting at 4 in the fuckin’ morning Rip?”

In lieu of an answer, he turned back around to where Ryan was waking up and hauled him to his feet to shove against the wall.  Suddenly everyone in the bunkhouse was awake and aware of what was going on.  They all surrounded the pair but nobody was about to get in the middle of whatever was going on, except y/n who was being kept from getting in between them by Jake.

“What the fuck is she doing in your bunk,” he growled.

Y/n shook Jake off her, “the hell Rip!  There’s no heat in the trailer and I was freezing my ass off in the barn so he insisted I come in here.  Stop being such an overprotective asshole!”

“If you even think about laying a finger on her in any capacity I’ll have them,” Rip threatened before releasing him and turned to the rest of them, “that goes for every one of you fuckers.  She’s off limits.”

He didn’t wait for an answer and headed out of the bunkhouse leaving the crew speechless.  Y/n turned to Ryan and checked that he was okay before storming after the foreman.

“What the actual fuck do you think you’re doing Rip!” She yelled at him, “you have no right to do that.”

Rip turned to glare at her, “he’s taking advantage of you.”

“Oh give me a break.  He was being a gentlemen which is more than can be said for most people in there.  I’m not a little girl that needs your protection anymore.  I can make my own decisions and I’m big enough to own my mistakes and Ryan certainly wouldn’t be one.  But I don’t think you need to worry, I’m hardly his first pick,” she finished bitterly.

Y/n went back to the bunkhouse in search of coffee, leaving Rip to wonder what on earth she had meant.

-/-/-

A few years later (like 6 months before the show starts)

After a long day of working the cattle for the spring gather, everyone from the valley was settled around the corral enjoying Gator’s cooking and each other’s company.  Y/n was sat to the side of the crowd having finished her food, just taking in the atmosphere of her favourite day of the year.  Gentle country music filled the air from a speaker Jamie had set up by the grill and some of the hands were showing kids how to rope on the dummy steer.  A smile graced her face as she watched Ryan and one of the newer hands, Colby who had become fast friends with him, helping a young girl swing the lasso above her head.

John watched his daughter from his seat next to Lee and how at peace she seemed with her life back on the ranch.  He picked up his beer and went to join her on the straw bale she’d claimed.  Y/n smiled at her father sat next to her before turning her attention back to the scene in front of her.  They sat in a comfortable silence for a little while, a significant improvement on how they’d been when she returned years ago.

“I think it’s time that we have our annual conversation,” John started, “even if nothing has changed.”

She took her eyes off the wranglers to look at her dad, “everything and nothing has changed dad.  I belong here again.  I finally feel like I’m part of it again.  But Kayce still isn’t here and I don’t see that ever changing.  I love you but you’re a stubborn man and lord knows my brother is too.”

“You set the terms but being back under the roof is where you belong,” he pushed.

Y/n allowed the silence to envelop them again as she thought through what was being put in front of her.  The sun was just beginning to set, casting a golden glow over the valley.  The wranglers had left the kids to the roping in favour of beers by the fence and Ryan winked when they made eye contact.  

“I’ll come back,” she relented, “but you don’t get a say over what I do and when I’m there.  I’m still gonna spend time at the bunkhouse because at the end of the day I’m a wrangler and those are my friends.  It took long enough for them to see me as more than just your daughter and I don’t want them to see me differently again.”

John smiled at her, “I’m just happy you’ll be truly home.”

[dichenlachmandaily]

Spoilers follow for Severance season two episode seven, “Chikhai Bardo.”

No, “Chikhai Bardo” isn’t a bottle episode. Instead, Severance gave us something even better: answers. Tragic but legitimate answers. The latest episode confirms Gemma (Dichen Lachman) is alive and being held against her will on one of Lumon’s severed floors, having gotten there, as we see through flashbacks, after being marked by one of the company’s doctors (Robby Benson) at a fertility clinic. The episode bounces around the highs and lows of Mark (Adam Scott) and Gemma’s relationship — their meet-cute at a university blood donation drive, their surprisingly enjoyable dinners with Devon and Ricken, her miscarriage — interspersed with scenes of Gemma’s captive life following a car crash implied to be staged by the company. Inside Lumon, Gemma’s life is overseen by a nurse (Sandra Bernhard), who marches her through a rotation of severed doors and into rooms where her various Innies are forced to endure scenarios with Benson’s doctor that range from the annoying to the traumatic.

When Gemma’s mad dash of an escape plan — knocking the doctor unconscious and briefly reembodying Ms. Casey on another severed floor — fails at episode’s end, she seemingly resigns herself to a prisoner’s existence without parole. Lachman believes her character still has hope of being released and reuniting with her husband when the experiment concludes. “But they’re always changing the rules of the game for her,” she says. “They just keep moving the goalposts.”

As someone of the belief that Gemma was brain-dead and living as a subconscious entity, it was lovely to see her alive despite the awful circumstances surrounding her existence. When I read season one, I had that theory too. I didn’t quite understand what was happening. I was like, Has her brain been affected and they’re trying to rebuild her?

Did you know Gemma would get her own stand-alone episode when you first started filming Severance? I definitely wasn’t aware in season one that this would happen. As the scripts for season two started coming in, I was like, Oh, okay. I’m not in this episode, and I’m not in the next one. Did I do something wrong? Then Dan Erickson talked me through how it was going to play out. It was really exciting. At the same time, I felt a lot of pressure. I didn’t want to let the fans down. This is obviously something they’ve been waiting for. I was really scared.

What scared you the most?Having to jump between lighter and darker moments, and the scope of it was so large. Knowing we’d have a very limited time to do it and then doing the flashbacks on film. I know Jessica Lee Gagné, the director, had always envisioned using film and it was her goal. When I started my career, we used to shoot on film all the time, but then digital became the preferred medium because it never ends and there’s more freedom. With film, there’s only so much; you could run out in the middle of a scene. You don’t want to make a mistake because it’s an actual, physical thing an image is getting printed onto.

The big connection we get this episode is when Lumon’s doctor spots Gemma at a fertility clinic before her car accident. His eyes linger on her for a beat, but Gemma and Mark don’t clock him in the waiting area. Oh, you got that?

Not the first time!I’m so glad.

Can you tell me a bit about how this scene was staged?Jessica has been integral to setting the tone and mood of Severance. She’s phenomenally talented and has such a unique eye, but she’s really good at doing things subtly. That scene had a lot of technical stuff. One of the great things about that moment is that even though the shots, framing, and camerawork are really technical — more than I’ve ever done in my entire life on any show — it always goes back to how they can keep it real and grounded among all of that chaos. There was a lot of stuff they had to do and capture so the audience could have that little moment, which is so subtle, so I’m impressed you picked up on it. I just remember focusing on what Gemma was feeling and us talking about the mood and temperament.

Given what we learn about this doctor throughout the episode, what did you infer about the motivations behind Gemma’s staged death? Did this man target her specifically because of a weird infatuation, or is a fertility clinic just an ideal location for Lumon to scope out potential subjects? That fertility clinic is a place where they have access to people’s biometric data. I suppose it’s the perfect place to zone in on a target. The whole world they live in is filled with Lumon employees, businesses, and stuff like that. I have my own fan theories, but I think what you said — a place where they’re getting people’s blood and their DNA — is probably the best theory.

The other person Gemma interacts with is Sandra Bernhard’s nurse. How would you define their relationship? Are there any sympathies there? In my mind, her nurse has been there for a while. Sandra brought an incredible warmth to that role, even in playing a captor. She brought almost a motherly feeling to it even though it’s still very cold, controlled, and oppressive down there. Maybe it’s just her eyes. Or maybe she was working on something with the character that I wasn’t aware of, but their dynamic is really interesting. I think she has compassion for Gemma. She’s just doing her job, but there’s a humanity to her.

Inside those rooms, Gemma’s Innies are forced to play out different scenarios: A dental patient getting work done, a passenger in a crashing airplane, and a wife at Christmas forced to write thank-you notes. The doctor inquired if Gemma felt “despair” after leaving any of them. How do you view what this experiment is trying to accomplish? I think it’s leaning into something that’s happening within our culture, which is that we don’t want to experience anything unpleasant. To some degree, I totally understand. In season one, you have the birthing center. That’s one of the most painful things you could experience in your whole life — I would know. What if you could delegate that experience to someone so you didn’t have to go through the pain? Even though, as a human being, there’s some ownership of that. Going through it and having a connection to the child is so beautiful. But we kind of want to get on a prescription of not having to suffer. If you think of it from a pharmaceutical point of view, it’s like, “We’re just taking it up a notch. You hate going to the dentist? We’ve got you. We’ll send somebody else, but you’ll still be going to the dentist.” Or having the fear of flying. I know Dan loathes writing thank-you notes — not because he’s ungrateful but because sometimes it’s so hard to figure out what to say to express your gratitude. I’ve done this before when I’ve worked on a movie: I’ve written 80 thank-you notes to all the crew members and they all start sounding the same. You lose your creativity, and you’re struggling to figure out a way to say “thank you” in a different way so that if someone reads someone else’s card, they’re not like, Oh, this isn’t personal. It says the same thing.

So you don’t view this technology as being strictly malicious in intent? Yeah. It could go further, of course. That’s the thing with technology: The intention is always to make someone’s life a little bit easier. Then it becomes integrated into our life. Everything is a double-edged sword. It’s our job as human beings to try and find the balance. We’re in a world where we have AI and robots. We’re creating a world where we don’t even need to exist, in a way. What’s really cool about the show is it gets people to ask themselves about their relationship to technology or their relationship to having contrast in their life. You don’t get to experience pleasure, joy, or something that tastes really amazing if you don’t get the sad moments, too. When you’re severed, you don’t have contrast. The weekend isn’t as good because you’re perpetually experiencing only the good things. Those good feelings just become feelings and are not special anymore.

You get one of the best lines of the season when Gemma is being examined by that doctor after visiting some of the rooms: “Can you please just talk like a normal person?” She’s saying what viewers are thinking, and it made me laugh.The whole language is a bit culty. They have their own way of communicating. The words they use are so bizarre. I tried reading that line in many different ways and played with intensity. It was stretching me as an artist. I’ve never had the opportunity to explore and collaborate as much as I did on this show. I could have said “Can you please just talk like a normal person?” 15 or 16 times, maybe more, and every time it would’ve been a little different.

Did you get the sense Gemma had tried to escape before? There’s this comment Mr. Drummond gives the doctor midway through the episode about how she once tried to break his fingers. It struck me as very fight-or-flight. Yes. I picked up on that same line when I was reading the script. Jessica and I talked about it a lot. I think every now and then, Gemma has been like, Screw it. I’m going to go for it. I don’t care if I have to hit him over the head or break his hand. Then there are days where she feels like it’s pointless, but then she’ll get pushed and pushed harder and she’ll try again. She’ll never be able to escape. Her tolerance level will go back to baseline, and it’ll build up and she’ll try again.

We’ve seen how people involved in the severance program can be driven to madness; Helly tries to kill herself in the first season. Where does Gemma find the strength to continue on in this prison of a life? Based on the scenes she has with the doctor just before she hits him over the head, I feel like there’s been some promises made: “Oh, you just have to do this and that”; “Look, it’s for your own good”; “Now you just have to get through this.”

How many takes did you get to whack Robby with a chair? Was it oddly satisfying?You know what? That’s something we didn’t do as many times as some of the other scenes. It wasn’t too complicated. Robby is such an amazing person. He was lying on the floor for hours, just so dedicated to this role he was playing. The man is a machine. I felt really bad. I’m like, “Oh, Robby, I’m sorry.” It was just about getting the chair at the right angle so that we could sell it, because obviously I couldn’t hit him over the head.

At one point, Gemma directly asks the doctor what will happen when her Innie “sees all of the rooms.” What do you think will happen?Gemma thinks that when she’s done, she’ll get out of there and be free. That’s what she wants. Ultimately, toward the end, she resigns herself to being there. When she comes out of the elevator, knowing her escape plan didn’t work, she feels so broken. Well, that’s it. I’m never going to get out of here. That’s why she has to be picked up off the floor by Sandra’s character. In my head, when she’s tried to escape previously, she’s probably fought them all on the way out. Like, What am I doing back here? But when she falls to the floor into a puddle, calling Mark’s name, it’s just like, I can’t anymore. There’s nothing else I can do.

You previously portrayed a multiverse-programmed character in Dollhouse, which shares a few creative parallels to Severance. Your work in Altered Carbon also explored how consciousness can be “resleeved” into different bodies. What makes you excel at portraying so many distinctive personas in one human? Maybe I willed it into my life because I love exploring these concepts, I love science fiction, and I absolutely feel like it’s somewhere where my creativity thrives. I feel so blessed that I’ve gotten to do it in different eras. Altered Carbon is hundreds of years in the future, where severance technology has completely changed the way people live and given them the ability to live forever. Dollhouse is more contemporary. Severance is this timeless era. It’s quite strange and weird.

[sadagios]

another very long analysis from @misticalnova !! 6w6 this time im going to cut your ask into parts not because i'm going to omit some points you've made like i did last time, but because the ask is really long haha. i also would like to tackle each part. so this time i'll post your ask in its entirety!

i loved that idea so much i had to add it, especially gria's reaction to scar's voice. but yes-- since third life was one of the later seasons i watched, i was so used to proximity chat that i thought it was so endearing how they were excited about it during their first session. grian was so excited about it and the fact that someone could just catch him from behind talking to his audience, and in the lens of this au it might be a detail i could just gloss over but... thinking of VR games, the surround sound and proximity chat is one of its fun features and one that makes it incredibly immersing! Virtual reality games are so easy to be immersed in, and i do believe that if i were gria i wouldnt question the npcs having voices right away. i'd have an "oh hold on," moment way later. out of all of them, it was actually him who was the first to find it strange. even if joel found out about it at the same time as him, and -- going with third life canon -- jimmy meeting scott early on, they wouldn't find it suspicious or odd right away. that's because they're all easily immersed in the game.

for hermitopia and the life game, it was really hard for me to explain the mechanics only through descriptions and comparisons to existing games, so i do hope to create a game UI or fake screenshot of the games for better visualization of what i imagined. and yes, hermitopia is a popular game! not one that is mainstream that anyone outside the gaming sphere would know, but it might be notorious among spaces like how the elder scrolls franchise is. it's also the titular game of an AAA video game company, one that could afford to release it not only on consoles but also port it to PC, which is how Gria got to play it. i'm excited to talk more about that one when we get there.

the XP points are something i hope to play around with so i added it, as well as the customization aspect. i'm still working on the character designs, and i should've also drawn what they looked like when they played the alpha version, which was a huge oversight on my part! (one of many, now i realize) but for now, please imagine the customization to be something like how they all (mostly) shared a steve skin on EVO smp during the starting episodes. the customization was something new to their current game, but they were still able to use preset skins in the alpha test like how we have other default skins (ie. alex, efe, noor, etc). i genuinely forgot to tackle this aspect and it's now bothering me like a finger splinter ... ToT expect a chapter 0 where theres no words and just designs because now im going crazy over this

no you're not reading into it too much, but i did not think of this aspect and i now have plenty of ideas with it (and details i wish i could change in the last update ToT). I do want to say that they all look a tad bit different from what they look like irl! a good comparison would be their portraits here in the first part and something similar to my art of lifers in my style. but as for the facial expressions, that is a detail i did not think about... i was going to say they only rely on each other's tone of voice, but now im thinking maybe (at least only in this beginning part of the au) they have limited facial expression options that could show if they are smiling, frowning, or angry. something like this, maybe! :

i do like this idea!!! i like it a lot. that is something i havent thought far into. currently, they do not feel pain. the beginning part will be them going through it and focusing on the game mechanics, and they would react to "pain" like an immersed gamer would (ie, the streamer you watch saying "ouch" if they have been hit in-game). i wont say when they will feel real pain, but i love your take on it and i might be inspired by this when i get to writing this part. (of course, only if you're okay with that)

the background noises are such a great detail ... and i only have thought about gria's living condition, which is him renting a small apartment with his desk setup near a window (i have to draw this at some point, too.) as for the sitting down part, i do think the evo gang + joel are all standing up when they played real life, except skizz. so that is a fun idea to play around with...

ive thought about the limited movement in minecraft vr (specifically in 'real life') so much that it was my basis when i wrote the prologues instead of nicer, better tracked movement in VRChat. so ... there is motion tracking but it's incredibly janky.

scar interacting with gria was one of the only things i was intentional about, especially him putting his arm around gria and him winking. he has more control of his actions and expressions than gria and the rest of the gang at this point of time, yes :D and i am excited for the scarian moments ahead when gria is able to move freely like him. so excited.... very excited. :)

dont be sorry! your last ask helped me out a lot when i wrote the last update and it was such a delight to read through and think about. your ideas are so cool and i love them, and i am thankful something i wrote received such a long and thoughtful feedback.

thank you again so much nova !! i'll definitely come back to this ask frequently as i draft the au haha. i hope you have nothing but wonderful days ahead!