#anyways im back from the dead again
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what if i just started getting back into my old interests out of spite
#the shadow speaks#me still using my text tag from ye olden days of tumblr#no but like......if you just......see me redrawing certain old images out of spite#just know. that whatever you're thinking. its absolutely true#got mad that someone i hated got into something i did so now im gonna be obnoxious again lmao#anyways im back from the dead again
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this is soooo john marston coded
src: https://twitter.com/tinysquash/status/1805273467908194707 post sent to me by @sunfir3rain
#hi im back from the dead#anyways going into my eternal slumber once again#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption#rdr#red dead redemption two#john marston
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!bad means so well but he really doesn't know how to help properly because his go-to strategy is really just going through it until he dies XD
#he won't help himself if he's inflicted from outside forces or even himself because he knows he'll come back anyway#but the others around him don't know that#did at some point in time has he ever helped himself because he was tired of people looking at him like he's dead?#“im expendable#baghera.“#and its true#his suffering doesn't matter in the end because he'll be the only one to continue living anyway#to him his suffering has little significance to the overall grand scheme of things#wait what was i talking about#the realm smp#badboyhalo#revodblogging#<-watchibg stream again bc im bored
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I'm personally blaming @starbiology and everyone who has reblogged or commented the other piece for this.
Bonus comic featuring my grundo:
#every minute i keep working on this i take psychological damage#neotag#neopets#vin memes#you'reall to blame for this monstruosity#i literally just searched “babygirl” pose and went “I... i can do that”#i didn't stop to think if i should though#Star i was gonna respond 2 the reblog with the first image only but decided it needed its own post for quarantining this... thing#again if youre seeing this with no context#you dont need context#i... i don't think there's any for that matter#just picture me writing all this tags while losing health in posion damage every turn#i am working on neo oc images i just need to render them but i.... i needed the world to see this before#my blog's already tainted anyway LMFAOO#yeah uh im dead in neo canon i drew this and inmediately got taken back by yours trully and never came back#also i'll try making a ref as well for my sona so i can draw them more im just really indecisive in what color to make him#split it is for now#i don't want to look at this anymore end me#i am making more drawings to kinda cover this thing from the light but at this point it just keeps reappearing like a mold#thats it im done see u all in kreludorian therapy#kreludorian health insurance in a farse
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Happy birthday Aesop! Hope you and mun and doing well
((i think its fair to say that we are both in a better place now XD))
#its me the mun#in aesops case hes better off dead. killed by the narrative#just when i thought the guy couldnt get more depressed. hooooly shitttttt#what do u mean!! he was there!! in the room!! when his mom discussed shit with jerry!!#the other undertaker said that aesop took to embalming naturally but id like to think there was one small moment of I cant do this#that one comic i did of him freaking tf out the first time he handled a dead body. but still. god#reunited with his boyfriend cos theyre both deaddddddd yeeeeaaaaaaaaa#victor kiss him back u coward /j#anyway. slowly coming back from the dead#im gonna be drawing a bit of the blk gang. aesops design had me at purple#gonna also try to get back to my joseph blog. for some reason that one always gets asks JAHSNSNDJSNJDS guilty keysmashing#i will get to it eventually as my cyclical motivation comes back. gonna try n ride it as far as i can before work buries me again#anyway. ask box is still open. just in case anyone wants to. idk. drop me some requests or whatever#winks n disappears
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#crawling out of the earth half dead and half healing#feel like im coming back from the pits of hell and trying to find balance again#and how to breathe properly bc jeez this aint been fun#but trying to find footing again when you stop posting for a bit always feels awkward#feels like a perfectly timed double dutch im trying to jump back into but cannot get it right#anyway hi again
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well i got little to no sleep before my appointment and i've already taken my adderall today SO i went back to looking through random undertale tierlists bc it was fun and almost immediately got jumpscared by an au that i haven't encountered since i was on fucking amino
#for reference i stopped using amino very close to the time i started atbb in 2018#this au is from 2016 and has been mostly forgotten since then. why is it on a tier list from THIS MONTH#one of the most ableist AUs i've encountered in the fandom to this day too good lord. im going down the rabbit hole real quick gimme a min#its called asylumtale and it's about sans in a floppy-sleeved straitjacket because he's Crazayyy and also his brother's dead bc ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also he's kept in a padded cell with a huge fucking examination window on one of the walls because why not#and also he's usually drawn and written like a highly erratic giggly child who scares people by talking to himself#and also undyne is the asylum guard?? or something?? and exclsively just treats sans like shit for some reason#as soon as frisk wants to interact with him in the comic they're met with both alphys and toriel (who are doctors) calling him Dangerous#AND to make things even better the faq of this au addresses the straitjacket by saying “its ok bc it works against his seizures” oh my god#christ. just. there is so much going on here#cough anyway in case you were wondering why i'm so obsessive about making sure karma is still a person outside of his illnesses its this#maybe i was just a budding tumblrina but i still remember thinking that shit was WEIRD & seeing other ppl call it out back then lmao#SO that is all to ask WHY am i seeing that au again on tiermaker.com in a template that was posted on 5/04/2025#I THOUGHT WE LET IT DIE
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if your ocs were bosses in a video game, what do you think their boss fight would be like?
#red rambles#im thinking about this with mine and curious what other people have thought up#sidebar: i have been thinking about things like 'mechamics' and 'the kinds of attacks they'd use' and 'phases' and 'gimmicks'#i havent detailed them all here because i figured it wouldn't be what other people wanted to read#unfortunately it seems also everyone else thinks this. i want to hear about your mechanics....#so i guess ill go add mine in#kit and kat would be a pair of optional bosses who you fight together - kit a dex build who moves into a strength+dex combo in her second#phase; she doesn't get a second health bar#but it gets dramatically harder to hit her and she stops getting stunned nearly as easily in the second phase#and her hits get much harder#KAT (her gimmick partner) also has a second phase#if you haven't killed Kit before you activate Kat's second phase#(Kat gets a second health bar) she teleports herself and Kit out of the boss fight arena and (as they're optional)#this technically means you can progress but you get no winnings#and the next time you come back they're there again#im imagining them like ds1r havel where he's just like in a shortcut. they're camping a door#anyway you have to fully kill Kit to#get to kill Kat#and her second phase will activate when Kit dies in that case#and she'll go from infrequent but hard-hitting long-distance attacks to frequent long-distance attacks with less intensity behind them#and a set of melee attacks that do a lot of damage but require her to grapple you so if you don't get grabbed you're alright#meanwhile rex (the other one i discussed on discord) is a mainline boss who keeps dying and then just showing up again but he dies like#his ass is DEAD he's not walking off he DIES. okay?#you have to kill him at least twice for the mainline quest and there's even more optional places you can kill him#the first three or four sequential fights (only one of which is mainline) he's human the whole time#the second mainline fight he changes forms and his second phase is in dragon form#and he doesn't get a second health bar or anything but he does get aoe fire attacks#and gets to visibly take damage at increasing levels before you kill him#he also has a mechanic where on his last dot of health he can absorb like 4x the normal amount of damage#so when he should be one hit away from death he is in fact four or five hits away from death
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'if youre looking to be secure, MFA is best' shut up + dont speak to me again + rot in hell + fuck you + fuck you again + let me turn it off or i crush you and your family with my psychic powers.
#i dont care if MFA made you guaranteed safe from any and all malware and security breaches#Im Not Doing That!!!!!#if u think im chaining myself to one phone youre out of your mind. this things gonna give up the ghost any day now!!!#and her battery is shit so shes dead a lot of the time anyway! plus sometimes its just in the other room!!! Fuck You!!!!#worst security measure by far. hate it.#hate it when banks try to pull it when paying for stuff. fuck it! take my bank details i dont care#ive carefully curated an ascetic life for myself where i keep as little money in my actual account as possible#both to curb against impulsive online purchases (bcos i need to go into town to put money into my account b4 buying anything)#and because i fancy myself cool and roguish and anti-establishment when likely what i am is a fucking fool but whatever. not punished so fa#EDIT WAIT TAG RANT NOT FINISHED I REMEMBER WHY I WAS ON IT!!!#FUCKING BITWARDEN WANTS ME TO SWITCH TO 2FA AND GOT PISSY AT ME IN SETTINGS WHEN I SWITCHED IT BACK???#bro youre my fucking password manager. do you know why youre here?#for a couple months i lived off demo sessions of debian where all my data vanished every time i turned off my laptop#and i got thru it BECAUSE! OF! BITWARDEN! because i could just log into my vault and continue business as usual!#without having to piss around with my phone!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#like bro cmon. ideal world is one where i can just decide to go use a library computer with no tech on me and have it fuckinggg work#Because I Have All My Passwords In My Vault And I Have A USB Stick For Retaining Files#aughh. augh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to be anonymous#well. in a technical sense. in a broader sense the previous post is me talking extensively abt my irl presentation#but whatever. i dont get into discourse these days i trust u tumblrinas < bad thing to say but what the fuck ever#my famous catchphrase Last Time I Got Doxxed Nothing Came Of It So If It Happens Again I'll Probably Be Fine
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pacing back and forth thinking about dad asking logia if it truly was fine to leave seox
#stardust speaking !#'he wouldnt know' but itd be funny if he did. logia introducing themself to dad in the simulations im eating my hat let me grab the#screens in a bit#gbf spoilers//#srry im gonna talk about main story again#dad who (probably) does not know anything about their family not telling his child about Their family....#because dad & mom lost them when istavion attacked........#not talking about it cuz u dont want ur child to seek revenge......#thinking about dad hoping to live peacefully w their kid but eventually having to leave for estalucia anyway. as if enough shit hasnt#happened in his life#alternatively going to estalucia for mom#is there rly any chance mom is Not part of the reasoning..........shrine maiden & primal killer....#crimson horizon aauughhh.............the corruption.......the people who arrived at the moon.....omnipotent who comes from outer space.....#WHY ARE U FACING THE OMNIPOTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT(s clone)#(guy who knows that with his luck his kid is gonna become the singularity) my kid wont become the singularity#thinking about walfrids lines about that too. dad doesnt want another singularity...oughhhhhhh.......what happened back then.......#walfrid & baragona being luminary knights when they Should Know true king kidnapped aunt & is the reason moms parents are dead#is so funny to me LIKE WHAT HAPPENEEED.....WHY IS AUNT STILL THERE..............DID U LOSE BADLY AND THIS WAS THE COMPROMISE..........#did u sign up....did true king talk about the otherworld......#how much did u guys find out on that journey............when multiple members are so tightly tied to the gods.....#they should start the next update with a flashback. for me. just jumpscare me with young dad & mom & walfrid & baragona & rosetta#wait when did true king even get the luminary knight tablet thing. cuz that was a gift for erste right. did walfrid&baragona become luminar#knights Before the tablet was in true kings hands. did he grab it while he kidnapped aunt. i need to reread act1&2 man......#its been a billion years.......#anyway 5* black knight funniest fate eps in the entire world#we need to put alliah & apollo in the same room again#girlies with strained relations w/ their dads#speaking of tau'luk. saving the world or the person u love.#cupitan u HAVE to save tristette. do u hear me. we will handle the world u focus on tristette. u cannot choose the world#this crew is loved ones first world second
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Just found something after 3 years,,,, life is with living still,,,,🥹
Bottom line? NEVER give up, my fellow yuri soldiers 🧡🤍🩷
#I'm actually so happy i can't believe it#it was just this specific acoustic song and matching thumbnail but i for never find it no matter what i looked up#as I'm listening to lofi i get tired so i go to a section of the playlist w my usual repeats#i let another lofi mix okay after n lo n behold - as I'm searching 4 the video again in another tab i hear the opening chords#I've been yearning for🥹 n then as i found that. i just became hyper specific w my inquiry n found the wallpaper used for the thumbnail too!#i think the specific vid I've been searching for was taken down bc i think it was a cover of this song. this is more lofi#but the one I'm looking for is more acoustic. just guitar n piano. I'm wondering if myb THEY were first n lofi beat them in popularity? idk.#but I've got the song n the wallpaper. I'm still looking for the acoustic ver but if it comes to I'll learn to do it myself :D#wait I've been listening on speaker this whole time but i just plugged in my earphones- this is definitely a remix. the search is still on#but i really needed this bc I've been messed up since this time yesterday. why did nobody tell me gachiakuta has an SA plotline. hello#it wasn't handled that badly but it fucked me up so bad. i ended up staying up till 8 and sleeping till late afternoon#i couldn't get my bearings back till like. 6am. bruh.#ig i have to look up warnings for all ongoing stories too huh. man.#on that note. it ended on an ominous note n granted I'm not caught up but if the author kills the victim there's was no point to any of it#I'm tired of stories of abuse being used for shock n ending with the victim dead or in the same spot#granted i do think the author was trying to explain the effects of that kind abuse and ways to move forward but i hope they commit.#otherwise they could've left it out and i wouldn't have spiraled so bad yesterday.#on that note - the recent influx of degenerates advocating 4 gross shit in fandom spaces???#i kno I'm already ia from here but i might leave twit too 4 a while bc as a victim it's so hard to deal w the fact people don't care at all#genuinely gross n disheartening. huh#but anyways. found my random yuri wallpaper n lil song. im getting caught up w green yuri n hikaru's summer- u kno#kagurabachi kaiju no 8 undead unluck#i would've finished undunl last December but it genuinely brings me so much joy that i didn't want to end it so soon so i put it down#i just love fuuko n dem do much. my motherfucking family 🥺🥺#man I've missed rambling in tags. hahaha#ki log#music
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I do not fw maxwell even a little but i do dabble in yuri and when i say that i mean specifically from hera's pov. herawell is just SO fascinating from her perspective. and its also sickening.
#I AM ONLY ON LIKE EPISODE 50 I JUST FINISHED THE TIMELOOP EPISODE DO NOT SPOIL ANYTHING FOR ME!!! PLEASE!!!!#but like. maxwell did a lot for hera. she did more than anyone else and she did it with hera's wellbeing in mind#and obviously hera was unhappy with this at first (i wouldve been too) but maxwell was helping and maxwell helped with a LOT#she made her pain go away and she taught her where her insecurities started#she gave hera a chance to try and regulate herself again and be okay and loved#and hera loves eiffel we know that he's her best friend. but she didnt tell him because its true he wouldnt have been able to do anything#it just wouldve been yet another thing nobody can help her with#and maxwell COULD!!! not only could she help. she could figure it out without being told#and hera TRUSTED HER. a LOT!!!#and then within a day that person has dug their fingers into her brain. manipulated and used her. and then died.#right in front of her. at the hands of her commander#(her commander who was almost always opposed to killing also. hera probably thought she wouldnt go through with it)#and its just like what hilbert did (and hes dead now too rip but he always made it clear he didnt care about hera)#but its from a person she loved and cared about and who cared about her#it happened in a day. a DAY#and then shes gone forever#AND AND ITS DIFFERENT FROM EIFFEL. IN MY EYES#eiffel went MISSING. they said he was PRESUMED dead and she was pissed about that and she was frustrated and sad and upset#she was mad at lovelace she had somewhere to vent her feelings. and then they got eiffel back#but she WATCHED maxwell die. nd then watched lovelace come back too. and at the funeral she doesnt know what to do because. shes just gone#eiffel didnt leave behind a million unanswered questions#he was eiffel. she knew how he felt and she knew how she felt. that was that#but maxwell turned on her so fast and then just. died.#she was gone and hera couldnt ask her why or what was running through her mind. and she'll never get that back#and anyways thats incredibly compelling doomed toxic yuri in my brain#im not a big shipper in this fandom. but if i can make something one-sided i will#and herawell. possibly one-sided (but hera will never truly know) toxic doomed yuri. do you get it#tzu rambles#w359
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goodnight tumblr
Fair warning the ramble in the tags is long af
#Quick thought before I drop dead from tiredness#I love my friends#and I kind of#I really love my life right now#Which is weird bc it’s actually really stressful time and I’m not really doing well but#I have friends#Good friends#and my blog#and I feel like a person again#I feel like I’m finally getting back to ‘me’ if I hadn’t been ‘best friends’ with a toxic bitch#She basically shredded my self esteem#Two years of that shit messed me up man#Not to mention my mother#But I think I’ve gotten to the point where I’m able to separate that shit from who I actually AM yk#And man I fucking love my friends#Both on and offline#But irl/in school friendships were something I was struggling with#And#yk it was fucking worth the wait#I love them so much#im so#fucking fucking glad I know them#Yeah#Of course I’m petrified of losing them like everyone else#But for once I don’t THINK I will#I’m not going into this with some morbid sense of doom#My ‘six month expiry’ date is not gonna expire bc im manifesting my way thru this shit#Anyway goodnight sorry for the ramble
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hi edgar! same anon who wanted to eat your hair but we don't talk about that haha... ^_^ seeing as you look a little down by your recent response, i hope you don't mind a small distraction ask... or so i hope it would help a little bit! since you really like painting, do you have an artist that you look up to or at least adore their work a lot? mine is claude monet!
"...Correct. We don't talk about that." He pauses, staring at the paper. "I have no desire to ask how you crammed so many images of crying in there."
An artist he looks up to... Edgar furrows his brow at the question. "Hm. My years of study did not feature nearly enough of looking at those before me, but from the things I have seen and learned recently... I have an admiration for Michelangelo and Courbet, and like you, I cannot help but enjoy Monet's work. Impressionism is a form I work within as well, in the sense that while sometimes it is best to portray reality as it is, sometimes heightening it and knowing what choices to make to take it into something more than what the world could physically be, while knowing and painting in such a way that emphasizes the medium, is the direction I find most important. It is not a matter of one or the other at all times. I am not a daguerreotype and I do not seek to pretend to be one, I may as well lean into the way my brushes leave their marks."
#edgar valden replies#🥐 anon#that man would love dali and magritte if he were not before their time i just know it#this post brought to you by: i don't know a whole lot about the education years in specific from deductions but with how they were describe#i imagine a lot of trying to make edgar work and paint a specific way that sarai and high society would like#i.e. the “commercial sellout”/“what patrons like” approach#also he gets called “the young master”. with how a deduction says he has the most TALENT the person has ever seen.#bud talent is overrated you need to work your ass off to make something of it! edgar knows this!#i think it's working his ass off that has gotten him to find a style of painting that he likes#(also mun had a Hyperrealism Or Bust art teacher once and we were taught NOTHING. like. only one method of using colored pencils.)#i think edgar would have been in still life hell. im so sorry for his loss.#also you know what a common request in high society is? portraits.#you know what edgar is worst at and does not like to paint? portraits.#wiggling my eyebrows.#wow i have many thoughts about this actually. so sorry chat this will happen again.#anyway edgar finally being able to properly experiment now that he's thrown the dead weight off his back
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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It might just be a lot of things. I really don't know. I don't like not having any energy after work but it staves off a lot of our thought processes but at the same time I don't love it. It's tolerable but I want to be doing something else. I wanna be in the dirt and I want to feel the earth under my feet and I want to know she's listening to me and telling me it's ok and I want to take care of her like she's taken care of me. I want to plant trees and cut back weeds and learn to identify our native plants and I just can't do any of that and make a living. It's not even a volunteer opportunity for me. I'm just some random citizen who didn't even go to school for any of it. And I'm so lonely. I'm the loneliest I've been. I love all my friends online I do. Truly and wholly but it doesn't help the fact that I have no one around me irl. And it hurts. And I'm scared. And I am so small all the time. And I just want it to change.
#elias.zip#i think. that dreamis affecting me a little more than I thought it did. it really exemplified that I feel like everyone sees me as not tryin#g to make connections in my adult life but im in a dead town with an aging population i didnt grow up in or around. i can't find public even#ts that would get me around people my age. I can't drive still to go places anyways and I struggle so fucking with the entire process anyway#s that even with the stars aligned I fuck myself over anyways. I'm too weird. too quiet. too loud. not assertive. weird. weird. weird. werid#. just some fucking crybaby.#everyone's moved on from being anxious but not me. I can't do it. i try and try and try and try and push myself out of my comfort zone but n#obody wants new friends. and my interests are too niche. and i dont fit in and nobody wants to be friends with the baby because all he does#is cry and god I've felt worse moving here than i ever did back at the old house and it feels like I'm never going to get to see what cou#ldve been I'm stuck like this!!#sometimes i really wish i could just leave. leave it all. vanlife or backpack or something and learn why i was made to live as a human. i ju#st want to go back home. I wanna see my packmates again. I'll do better this time. Please. I'm sorry
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