#anyways now you mnow i guess

[opisasodomite]

My taste in men is defined entirely by whether or not I find them threatening. Hence why I like twinks so much - too scrawny to pose much of a threat if they turn out to be insane. It’s also why I find “cute” more attractive than, well, “attractive”. So that means I basically have two types:

The aforementioned twinks

And guys who are slightly - but not very - pudgy without being particularly large, muscular, tall, or hairy.

So in other words I shy away from masculinity lmfao

[gabzg11]

I believe in what I PRAY FOR. I believe in what I AFFIRM FOR MY LIFE...especially MY love love.

I don’t believe in what everyone else has to say about my standards for a man and husband.

I will never be with a man from the past. Ever. Why? Because of the lack of consideration for time and how precious it is... if a man really loves me, he would never let so much time go by. He would be fighting for me and for me to be in his life NOW. But none of them ever have. So they’re not allowed in after however many chances.

GrantAndrews FaceTimed me today with a bad connection... I was so disappointed that it didn’t connect. I love him with all of my soul... but technology seemed to fuck up at the worst time. This is why I believe in perfect timing. Because I’ve always been fucked with when it comes to what I really need and want. This is why I pray. Because I want things to work out with perfect timing.

If anyone follows my blog, they would know that to get a call finally from GrantAndrews is one of the most exciting things that could ever happen to me.

So I called him back frantically 8 times in a row lol 😂 I texted him back 2X and I wanted to hear from him so badly... I held back... maybe God didn’t even try to see just how much I wanted that... why? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because I was shocked and still am.

I think God and the universe maybe for once listened to my prayers that I pray through tears, but at the same time... he didn’t try to call me back... so I feel like it maybe was just false hope, a pocket dial, or his daughter??? Lol she can read now... haha 😂 so I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to call.

Anyway, I guess with a bright heart about it, I carried on with a lot of hope throughout the rest of my day.

Now I feel like, I just want the person I’m actually supposed to be with. Because of it was GrantAndrews he would have called back. He’s super smart. I’ve had plenty of faith in him and the idea of us. But now I deserve to be happy.

So... I will be fought for... I will be chased, and given every bit of love and romance, loyalty, effort, sex, affection, and connection, and communication, from a man that fits my 100% of my perfect man list prayer. I will not settle for less anymore. I’ve been through enough.

The goal: “Happily ever after”... “Babies and marriage by the time I’m 35.” “To be spoiled, chosen, given unconditional love, and to be made a priority by this man.”

God can change his plan if he doesn’t agree with what I want in a man... because I’m not going to be with someone I’m not physically attracted to, and I’m never going to go backwards. I am never going to settle for a man who hasn’t righted all his wrongs with my family and me, and I’m never going to settle for a man who doesn’t give me every bit of effort that I’ve prayed and cried my eyes out about.

This is MY life. I am not my family... I don’t want to be. I am not my friends, coworkers, or clients. My love life has nothing to do with them. They can believe in what I want and pray for me which is super kind, but they have nothing to do with it... not even my dog has anything to do with my love life.

PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY... I MNOW MY WORTH, I HAVE A WALL UP THAT IS SO BIG AFTER GRANTANDREWS HURT ME PHYSICALLY, THAT ONLY THE MOST DEDICATED MAN AND PHYSICALLY PERFECT MAN FOR ME, THE MOST LOYAL MAN...THE MOST GENTLE MAN, THE MOST INCREDIBLE MAN, WILL EVER BE ABLE TO CLIMB OR TEAR DOWN FOR ME....

Such a horrible tragedy when you really thought it was someone you got to curl up to every day and night.... I love you GrantAndrews... but I’m letting you go because YOU GAVE UP ON ME... I CRIED MY EYES OUT LAST NIGHT, AND EVERY OTHER NIGHT AND ESPECIALLY CHRISTMAS...

I WILL ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE GOOD PARTS OF YOU IN THE MAN I WANT TO MARRY. BECAUSE YOU WERE ALL IF THE GOOD THINGS IN THE PRAYER LIST I CREATED.

This time you don’t get it easy GrantAndrews... this is your lesson to learn, not mine.

If he wants me, he will do anything it takes to have me be his for life and only his. He will go above and beyond to actually convince me I’m the only one he wants to spend all of our lifetimes with. The effort would be endless... he would give me everything I want when it comes to the marriage I want, the wedding I want, and the babies I want. Because that would right his wrongs.

He would start with my family before he even contacted me. He would call every one of them, write every one of them, or go see every one of them before he ever approached me. Only then would I believe he was truly sorry... and then we could start with coffee or a bang.