#argothoughts

[argoxnautilus]

besties i think i am hitting a point where i am no longer able to know as much as i should

i can't understand schoolwork anymore. social stuff is harder to parse, and i think it's because i have to do school AND job AND everything else. the stuff i should be well versed in by now, like politics, doesn't make sense to me no matter how hard i try--when i go past any of the basic stuff, reading political theory just makes me feel like a fucking...hp lovecraft protagonist, i just can't picture any of it.

most of my social interactions are either scripted ahead of time or have me feeling like a text generator, putting words together with no understanding of what they mean with only a vague idea of what i'm supposed to be going for. it's easier online, i think because i only have to worry about the words and not both the words and how i'm saying them, but both irl and online i always eventually slip up despite my best efforts to do it right. i copy mannerisms and behaviors in the hope that it pleases other people, and that backfires too--i lost a close friend this year because a behavior i'd learned from 2 separate friend groups and thought was the right behavior to make was actually bad and hurt them to the point they no longer speak to me at all.

i can't understand the nuance for that stuff either, no matter how hard i try. either i did it wrong, or i did it right, and...god, everyone else just seems to know what it means. i don't. i can't, i think. i don't understand any of it.

does this come across? does anyone understand what i mean? i'm scared, i need help, i'm scared that i'll always be reliant on my parents or other people who want to hurt me, i'm scared i'll make too many mistakes and that the world will throw me away. i'm scared because i haven't sat down and drawn for months. i'm scared because i can't tell if people are gonna help me or hurt me. i'm scared because the fucking english paper i was supposed to finish last semester doesn't even have a rough draft because i can't remember how to write essays anymore. might be autistic, might've finally hit my disturbingly low ceiling of achievement, might just be fucked in the head. i may get a diagnosis for autism at least, but that takes time, and...idk if anyone will even care. or if they'll hate me for it. idk if that even makes sense. my coworker and manager and i have a betting pool on it. i learned this week it was supposed to be a joke, but they didn't laugh at me about it, so that's chill. feel really stupid about not realizing though.

anyway, i think 4 paragraphs (5 with this one) is enough. sorry for putting a long post about my issues on your dash. here's a cat for scrolling this far

[argoxnautilus]

hmmmm

curious about what's in store for you for 2024? :D

Let AO3 decide!

(Updated from 2023: Up-to-date tag bank, opt-in tag categories, optional dark mode! As always: proceed with informed consent.)

[argoxnautilus]

I GOT GOODIES :D

i meant to write this post when i got them but then life happened 😔 anyway, i ordered a charm and a pin from @thenamesblurrito's ko-fi shop, and HOLY SHIT these are so cool i had to show them off!

LIKE HOLY SHIT I LOVE THESE

they also gave me a free sticker of their oc, which is so fucking cool it makes me so happy :D

BONUS: gif of me twirling the charm around because i love it :D

[argoxnautilus]

IMPORTANT QUESTION FOR THE PUBLIC

does he give off, as my friend put it, "kinda give off homo vibes"

that is all

[argoxnautilus]

god fucking dammit im losing a discord server and now my tumblr dash to eternal hateposting about some tv show ive never heard of in my life

[argoxnautilus]

@noritaro THE POPULAR TRANSFORMERS ARTIST WHO FOLLOWS ME HAS A ONCELER MUTUAL???? I HAVE A ONCELER MUTUAL-IN-LAW????

just found 3 bolts and a snail shell on da groun

[argoxnautilus]

i need to start putting bara furries on my dash

[argoxnautilus]

finished my first ever animation! very simple, might post it might not (it's kind of a funny way to announce something? but the thing it would announce might not happen so it might not get posted) but even if it doesn't see the light of day i will be very proud of myself for doing it. it's like. 3 seconds long but still :D

[argoxnautilus]

good news: after a few months of not sitting down and actually drawing, i finally drew a whole bunch yesterday!

bad news: i got so enveloped on drawing that i didn't get to sleep until after midnight

[argoxnautilus]

I FOCUSED ON MY SCHOOLWORK LONG ENOUGH TODAY TO GATHER SIX (6) SOURCES YIPPEE

[argoxnautilus]

:3c <-me when the mutual i rbed a post for rbs the post

[argoxnautilus]

BREAKING NEWS

Local GAY ASS CAT BOY is scheduling an appointment for TESTOSTERONE

his ass IS going to be liveblogging that shit! it shall be tagged "#man juice updates." just so you know

[argoxnautilus]

Hey guys, because spending a couple hours each day scrolling back through my blog to make sure i didn't somehow manage to reblog a "bad post" is uh. not ideal. i won't be reblogging anything at all political for a while, or maybe forever. idk. it's also because...well, i love you guys, but sometimes you guys play the discourse game a little too much, lol. i also think i'm getting a little too far into dangerous territory when it comes to taking things at face value, so there's that too. i'll also be trying to be on here less, too. anyway rambling's over

[argoxnautilus]

Glad you are back, still.

And I very much like your new header (well I think it's new, I may just be unobservant).

By way of an actual ask - what do you like to cook (if anything)?

my favorite thing to cook is prolly mac n cheese :D and ty so much! i'm happy to be back. a friend drew me my current header as a gift :D

[argoxnautilus]

anyway on an unrelated note i think i'm gonna leave tumblr again for a bit. the good ol' OCD has been flaring up again and no offense to you guys but the politics and discourse are not exactly gonna help lmao

[argoxnautilus]

THEY'RE CALLED LOVE HANDLES BC BITCHES WITH TASTE LOVE HANDLING THEM. IF YOU EVEN CARE