#as a fun lil surprise for robert to come back to ... and he's so used to it that he doesn't even react ??

[cryptidsdad]

❛  come here.  ❜

The demand had the older man pausing in the doorway to peer over at where Kurjak was sprawled out on the couch.

With how the other man came and went, it made sense that Robert's brain automatically associated him with some kind of slightly feral cat. One that had waltzed in and made himself at home in Robert's living room. (Kurjak had yet to venture into lounging in Robert's bedroom unsupervised, at least. But the older would not put it past him to do that). A second passed before he rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Betsy to wrestle her harness off.

"What're you gonna do if I don't?" The question thrown out like it was nothing. A quick glance toward Kurjak and a barley there quirk at the corner of his lips. "Get up and make me?"

[just-me-st1ll0]

Hello, before you read this, a little writers note: this poem is based off of song lyrics. The songs will be listed beside the lyric. This was just an experiment and it was super fun to write!

Chasing shadows. An original poem.

Sometimes, I wanna run, but no matter where I run, I just run into everyone. (Not OK - Robert Grace)

It’s like no matter how far I go,

I can’t escape the things that follow me.

Most days, I don’t recognize me. (She Used to Be Mine - Sara Bareilles)

I look in the mirror,

and wonder who’s staring back.

The person I once knew feels like a stranger now.

God stood me up. (Lights Are On - Tom Rosenthal)

Left me in the dark,

waiting for a sign, but it never came.

And you make me feel like a fool. (Fool - Frankie Cosmos)

Every time I think I’ve figured it out,

you pull me back into the mess.

We bleed in perfect harmony. (Barbie & Ken - SceneQueen)

Isn’t it strange?

How we can be so broken,

but still move in sync,

like it was meant to be this way.

Called to the devil, and the devil did come. (It’s Called Free Fall - Rainbow Kitten Surprise)

He asked me if I liked drums, cigarettes, dominoes, rum— but all he said was, "Sundown, Sundays, Christmas."

And I realized,

we’re all chasing empty promises.

Scratch, kick, let gravity win, fuck this, let gravity win. (It’s Called Free Fall - Rainbow Kitten Surprise)

Maybe I’m just tired of fighting—

maybe the fall’s inevitable.

Can I sit down? I’ve been hustling all day. (It’s Called Free Fall - Rainbow Kitten Surprise)

I’m caught in this constant race,

chasing something I can’t even name.

Getting drunk on the past we were living in. (Paris - The Chainsmokers)

Like it was better back then,

but I can’t shake the feeling that it’s all slipping away.

You gotta keep your head up, but not too high, ’cause you’ll lose sight of what you’ve got. (Yours, Mine, Hours - McCafferty)

It’s a constant balancing act—

trying to keep it all together,

while it’s falling apart.

Don’t kill me, just help me run away from everyone. (Freaks - Surf Curse)

I’m tired of pretending I’m okay,

of smiling when everything feels off.

My head is filled with parasites. (Freaks - Surf Curse)

Thoughts that gnaw at me,

telling me I’m never enough.

Why can’t everyone just go away? Except you, only you can stay. (Treehouse - Alex G)

You’re the one thing I can hold onto,

in this chaotic world.

Tell you what lurks deep inside, deep inside my battered mind. (Mrs. Magic - Strawberry Guy)

The darkness is familiar,

but it doesn’t feel like home.

I keep chasing things that aren’t real.

You have haunted my desire. (Pepsi Coke Suicide - Elvis Depressedly)

I’ve let you take up space in my head,

and I can’t get rid of you.

I am forgetting to be someone. (Pepsi Coke Suicide - Elvis Depressedly)

I don’t know who I am anymore,

just a ghost of the person I used to be.

I’ve spent way too much time thinking about, dreaming about, life. (Everything is Temporary - Cavetown)

But maybe it’s time to stop.

Maybe the point was never to figure it out—

maybe it was just to listen.

Open the portal to new dimensions, and I’m still one phone call away. (Grim Reaper - Lil God Dan)

Always just on the edge,

but never quite there.

I’m close,

but not close enough.

Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night. (I Think I’m OK - Youngblood)

It’s like I’m always self-sabotaging—

knowing it’s wrong,

but doing it anyway.

No sleep, up all week, wasting time on people I don’t like. (I Think I’m OK - Youngblood)

I’m trapped in this cycle,

but I don’t know how to break it.

And he said, “I can see it in your eyes, you’ve been hurt a couple times.” (Six Pills - Rosendale)

And I can’t deny it—

the pain, the scars,

they’re all right there.

So if you don’t know by now, then you should probably get familiar. (Lady Killers - G-Eazy)

We’re all stumbling through this mess,

just trying to survive.

Let’s pack our stuff now, and run away. We can be all we want in this small town. (Miserable Man - David Kushner)

Let’s leave it all behind,

and start fresh somewhere we can be free.

I say, "Fuck the past," wanna be on the lost highway in my dreams. (Highway Hex - Ghost Mountain, Semetary)

Maybe the road is the only place that’s real—

no rules, no limits.

Forgive my vices, mother, but I will not change for thee. (Kamakrazee - Semetary)

I know I’m not who you wanted,

but this is who I’ve become—

and maybe, for once,

I’m okay with that.

[plugloveff]

Prologue

Chanel:

“Chanel we’re going to LIV tonight, and you’re coming. So, don’t even try to give me no bullshit” My best friend Aria said

Rolling my eyes, I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs. “So, I don’t get a choice in this matter?” I asked.

“No, you don’t, you’ve been avoiding going out with us for almost a month now. You can’t let a break-up turn you into a grandma. It’s been over a month Chanel. Fuck him it’s his lose, not yours and it’s time for you to move on and hopefully get some dick because you’ve been really bitchy lately” Aria replied before taking a bite out of her burger.

Biting my lip, I looked down at my nails, and processed what Aria had just said. I hated to admit it but she was right, I’d spent the last month sulking after this breakup. It was time for me to get back to my old-self.

“Fine, I’ll go. But please stop talking about my sex life” I said flipping grabbing the stack of papers off my desk.

“You mean your lack of a sex life” Stephanie my other best friend said as she walked into the office.

Aria almost choked on her burger laughing.

“Fuck the both of y’all” I said flipping them off.

“You know it’s all love Coco” Stephanie said throwing herself on the couch next to Aria and stealing a French fry from off of her plate.

“Yeah, whatever. Don’t y'all have work to do? Or am I the only mother fucker that work around here?” I asked.

“I’m on lunch” Aria said tearing into her burger and slapping Steph’s hand away from her fries.

“My next client doesn’t come for another two hours. Stephanie said stealing another fry off of Aria’s plate when she wasn’t looking. “But I could definitely squeeze you in” she said pointing to the messy bun on top of my head.

“What’s wrong with my hair”

“Coco, you’ve been sporting that struggle bun all damn week. If I didn’t know you, I’d think you couldn’t afford to get your hair done or better yet that you didn’t own a salon” Steph replied.

Stephanie and I were the co-owners of a full-service salon in Miami. Aria was our manager.

All around Beauty was the busiest salon in all of Miami, because we offered everything from hair care to skin care. We were so busy that clients had to book almost two months in advance or joining our waiting list.

This salon was everything to me, it was my baby. I poured my all into this salon and it was definitely paying off. Not that anyone was surprised by this with me being the daughter of one of the biggest bosses in the state of Florida Carter Wright. He’s one of the biggest drug suppliers in the country. But he was smart he kept the most powerful people on payroll so he was untouchable. His moves were calculated and none of the drugs could ever be traced back to him.

My father is street royalty the king and being his daughter made me the princess. I didn’t have to lift a finger if I didn’t want to. But I wasn’t into sitting on my ass and doing nothing, I knew the weight my last name held but I wanted to make my own way.

“So, what you wearing tonight Nelly?” Aria asked.

“I don’t know probably a dress” I said shrugging as I continued to flip through the stack of papers in front of me.

“Wear that leather one you bought the last time we went shopping. That dress fits you like a glove” Aria said.

“Hell, yeah wear that shit” Stephanie said

“Alright, ill finish inventory while Steph does your hair” Aria said getting up from her spot on the couch.

“Damn does my hair look that bad? You hate doing inventory” I asked.

“Ehh it’s not terrible, but you not going to nobody’s club with me looking like that” Aria said.

Laughing I shook my head. Aria wasn’t one to hold her tongue for shit. If there was something on her mind, she was going to let it be known and it was what I loved most about my best friend.                                                      

                                                   ______________

Walking over to my mirror I quickly checked my outfit. I almost didn’t recognize myself it had been a while since I had dressed up. Aria was right about the dress, it clung to my body like a second skin. My hair fell down my back in soft waves and my face was beat to perfection.

Shrugging into an oversized denim jacket I took one last look at myself before grabbing my keys and stepping onto the elevator.

Once I was in the car, I sent Aria and Steph a quick message and let them know I was on my way. Speeding out of the garage I turned the volume up and blasted Lil Baby’s new album.

About twenty minutes later I was pulling up in front of LIV. Parking my car next to Aria’s G wagon. I stepped out of the car. Aria and Steph were waiting at the front of the club for me.

“Damn it looks like it’s going to be packed in there” I said noticing the line wrapping around the block.

“Girl you know we haven’t waited for a line ever” Stephanie replied.

Smiling I shrugged and walked over to the bouncer.

“Hey ladies” he said as he lifted the rope for us to enter. At the sounds of teeth sucking and protests I turned my head and noticed a group of girl’s dirty looks. I decided to have some fun, I flashed them a million-dollar smile and a wave as I stepped into the dimly lit club.

Moving through the packed crowd I smiled and greeted a few of the people I knew as we made our way to our VIP section. Once we sat down, a bottle girl came to our table.

“You ladies know what you want, or do you need a minute?”

“Nah we know what we want. Let me get two bottles of 42, three bottles of Moët and a bottle of Henny” Aria replied.

“42? Do y’all not remember the last time we had 42? We got into that big ass brawl” I said shaking my head at the memory of that night.

Stephanie chuckled. “Yeah, but them bitches tried it. But were not going to be getting into no shit tonight. Were just here for a good time”

“I hope not, because y’all better not have dragged me out of my house to get into a fight” I said.

“Girl, that would be the highlight of your boring ass life” Aria said.

“Yo, if you don’t stop coming for me” I said shaking my head.

“I love you darling” Aria said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head just as our bottle girl came. Grabbing the bottle of Moët out the bucket I popped it and took a swig.

Swaying my hips to the music, I took another sip of my bottle. I needed this night out more than I thought, it felt good to be out.

Right there, I made a promise to myself that I was done letting this breakup get the best of me. there and then that she was done being depressed over her break up with Rob. It was his lose he cheated on me and I had to move on with my life. Tonight, was the beginning of me taking my life back. Fuck Rob, I was back on my Bullshit like Jhené Aiko said.

Two hours into the night, and our VIP section was now crowded with men fighting for Aria and Steph’s attention. Standing in front of the railing I looked down and the party goers as I rapped along to every word of Lil Baby’s Sum to Prove.

“We see you in VIP Chanel” the DJ said as he pointed to Me. Smirking, I shook my head and raised my bottle of Moët.

“Yass Coco” Aria screamed behind me. The 1942 bottle was in her hand and one of the men had his arm wrapped around her waist.

Steph was laughing with another one of the men who I’m sure was spitting some bullshit in her ear.

I could bet money that he would probably end up at Steph’s house tonight and she would probably never see him again. Stephanie swore off relationships, she always said “Nigga’s are always playing games, so I’m playing too. And a lot better than them.”

I wasn’t entertaining any of the men in our section. I didn’t need the extra stress especially just coming out of a relationship. I was just trying to have a good time.

We spent another two hours at the club. Drinking, dancing and enjoying ourselves before the DJ announced the club was closing. Tossing the empty bottle of Moët into the bucket I grabbed my stuff and we headed out of the club.

Feeling the cool breeze after being in a hot club for the past four hours felt good. Shrugging my jacket on I grabbed a hair tie out of my bag and put my hair into a messy ponytail.

“Coco, we’re about to hit up a diner. I’m starving you down?” Aria asked as the man she was dancing with wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Nah, she coming back with me.” The sound of the familiar voice behind me made my heart raise. Turning around I came face to face with my ex-boyfriend Robert. A group of his friends were standing close by. “You have got to be fucking kidding me” I said at the sight of him.

Glaring at him I couldn’t stop my palm from itching. I couldn’t believe the same face I’d loved for the past 4 years made my blood boil now. “Rob, get the fuck out of my face” I said.

“Chanel, stop acting like that baby I said I’m sorry you know that bitch meant nothing to me. I just want to talk to you” he said.

“There’s nothing for us to talk about Rob, go talk to one of them dirty ass bitches you cheated on me with. You lucky I don’t slap you in your face right now”

“Coco, fuck him. Let’s just go” Stephanie said. Shaking my head, a spun on my heels away from Rob.

“Nah you’re coming with me; we need to talk” Rob said grabbing my hand.

Spinning around I yanked my hand out of his grasp and slapped him hard against in his face. “Don’t you ever put your fucking hands on me again. Have you lost your god damn mind? Do you know who the fuck I am? I will end you. Don’t fuck with me” I barked out. The mixture of alcohol in my system fueled my anger. I was seeing red, fuming and my skin felt hot.

“Yo what the fuck is wrong with you” Rob said glaring at me. But I stood my ground, I wasn’t afraid of Rob and if he wanted to go there with me it would be his mistake.

Rob tried to reach for me again, but before he could touch me a man came in between us.

“I think you might want to back up of her” he said.

“My nigga, who the fuck are you?” Rob asked pressing him.

The man let out a deep chuckle and shook his head. “My nigga you really don’t want to do this with me. I’m not the one” he said.

“Nigga what?” Rob said pulling up his pants. But before he could even lay a finger on him.

The mystery man pulled a gun from his waist band and held it under Rob’s chin. “Like I said my man, you don’t want these problems”.

Rob froze, as the steel of the man’s gun pressed against his chin.

“I-I ain’t mean no harm. I just want to talk to her” Rob stuttered.

“Well, she doesn’t want to talk to you. So, I’m going to give you 3 seconds to get the fuck out of my face. And if I see you anywhere near her again, I’m not talking I’m shooting. Understand?” he said.

Lifting his hands in surrender, Rob started backing away. He kept his eyes on me the entire time.

“Yo Meek, you a crazy mother fucker” the man that clung to Aria said.

Tucking his gun back into the waistband of his jeans he turned to face me. When I finally saw his face, my breath caught in my throat. He was fine, wait he was better than fine he looked like he was made of the finest chocolate.

Damn, Who the fuck is this man? I thought taking in his features.

“You alright Ma?” he asked looking down at me.

I couldn’t’ stop staring at him, where did he come from? and why did he look so good?

His skin was the perfect shade of chocolate, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he tasted as good as he looked. His hair was freshly cut with waves so deep I knew I’d get sea sick if I looked at them for too long. His beard was full but perfectly manicured, it framed his full pink lips.

A diamond earing in each ear and two diamond chains around his neck. On his wrist was an AP from the diamonds around it I could tell it cost him near 500k. The dark denim jeans he wore complemented the bright colored Dior t-shirt and Chanel sneakers he wore.

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Don’t sweat it beautiful” he said running his tongue across his bottom lip. My body shook at the motion.

“Yo Meek, we out to the diner. You coming?” Aria’s man asked.

“You going?” he asked looking down at me.  

“Yeah”

“Yeah, I’m down” he said smirking at me.

Biting my lip, I looked down at my feet, feeling the heat from his gaze. Placing a finger under my chin he forced me to look up at him.

“Nah, always keep your head up beautiful” he said

Damn this man. I thought staring at him.

“Alright let’s go I’m starving” Aria said walking to the parking lot.

Tearing my eyes away from him, I followed them into the parking lot and to the diner.

Fifteen minutes later I parked my car next to Aria’s, getting out of the car I watched as Meek pulled his Maserati into the spot next to mine. Getting out the car he flashed me a million-dollar smile that made me weak in the knees.

Nah this has to be the lack of dick I’m getting because there’s no way he has this effect on me I thought.

Entering the diner, we found a booth in the back away from most of the crowd. Sliding into the corner my heart skipped a beat when Meek slid in next to me.

We spent time together, laughing like we’d known each other our whole lives instead of people who had just met. I found out the other guy’s names were Dre and Wayne. Them and Meek had been best friends since the second grade. Their relationship reminded me of the one I shared with Aria and Stephanie.

When it was time for us to leave, I reached for my wallet. “Nah I got it” Meek said reaching into his pocket and pulled out a stack of money. Peeling off three hundred dollar bills he tossed them on the table.

“We out” Dre said.

Climbing out of the booth we headed to the parking lot.  

“Alright, I’m exhausted. I’m going to head out” Aria said waving at us with Dre hot on her tail.

“Yeah, I'm going to head out too, I got early clients in the morning” Steph said as her and Wayne headed for his car. Leaving Me and Meek alone.

“Well thank you for earlier and for the food” I said leaning against my car door.

“Don’t worry about it Ma. I’d do it again with no hesitation” he said looking down at me.

“Well, I better go” I said getting into my car. But before I could close my door, he stopped me.

“What’s up?” I asked

“Text me when you get home” he said

“How? I don’t have your number” I said.

“Well, we gotta change that” he said handing me his phone.

“Smooth... real smooth” I smirked taking his phone out of his hands I quickly typed in my number.

Handing him back his phone he called me so I could save his number.

“Well goodnight Meek” I said.

“Goodnight Ma, and make sure you text me so I know you got home safe” he said.

“I will” I said as he closed my door and watched as I drove off.

I couldn’t help the smile on my face, there was definitely something different about Meek

Meek:

Pulling into my parking spot I let out a sigh and nodded my head at the doorman. Stepping onto the elevator I pressed PH taking me to the top floor.

Leaning my head against the cold metal of the elevator I thought about my night with Ms. Chanel Wright. I knew about her, shit the whole of Miami knew who she was but seeing her tonight, being so close to her. I hadn’t realized just how beautiful she really was.  

Closing my eyes, I could still see her light brown eyes glaring at me. I pictured how at the right angle made them look like they were glowing. I knew I should stay away from her but being around her tonight I knew that I couldn’t let that happen.

Chanel was royalty, and I was just a young nigga trying to get my paper up. I was ruthless, I’d killed nigga’s without even flinching. My hands were so deep in the game I knew there was a very low chance of me coming out untouched. And I was usually ok with that, I was rich and living a life I dreamed of. But Chanel had me rethinking it, imagining a life where I wasn’t alone.

The sound of the elevator reaching my floor, broke me from my thoughts. Stepping out I tossed my keys on the table and ran a hand down my face. Walking over to the bar I grabbed a bottle of Hennessy VSOP and a glass. Pouring myself a glass I took a sip welcoming the smooth burn.

Pulling out my phone I scrolled through my messages thinking which one of my regulars I wanted to send over just to get my mind off Chanel. But none of them bitches seemed like they would get the job done. Not even Renee with the good head could get Chanel off my mind.

What the fuck did this girl do to me? I thought.

Tossing the rest of the liquor back I walked into my room and stepped out of my clothes. Taking a quick shower, I threw on some boxers and headed back into my room.

I was exhausted, and I knew I had shit I needed to get done tomorrow. But it was already an hour since I left Chanel and still hadn’t heard from her yet.

Grabbing my phone, I sent her a text.

Meek: You home?  

A few minutes later I got a notification.

Chanel: Yeah, I just got out the shower. I meant to text you.

Reading the message, I couldn’t help but think about how she would look fresh out of the shower. My dick jumped at the mental image.

Meek: All good love, you get some sleep

Chanel: Goodnight Meek

Smirking, I tossed my phone down and drifted off to sleep.

                                                  __________________

“Nigga I fucking told you what was going to happen if I caught your ass didn’t I?” Wayne barked as he held his gun to the man’s chin.

“Yo why you still talking to this nigga?” I asked pulling my gun from my waistband and fired three shots into the man’s head. Laying him out.

Tucking the gun back into my waistband I walked over to the table where they were counting the money from the last drop.

Wayne looked at the dead man on the floor and grabbed his phone out his pocket. He dialed a number and waited for a response. “Yo I need a clean-up” he said into the phone waiting for an answer.

“Warehouse” he said again before hanging up and walking over to the table.

“How much?” Wayne asked.

“Half a Mill” Dre said stacking the money.

“We got two more shipments coming through, by the end of the week. We each walking away with at least half a mill.” Dre said rubbing his hands together.

Nodding my head, I took the rolled blunt from behind my ear and lit it. Taking a long pull of the weed I let it sit in my lungs before I blew it out.

“So, Chanel?” Wayne asked glaring at me.

“What you about her?” I asked taking another pull.

“Nigga I saw how you were looking at her. You out here pulling guns out on niggas for her” Wayne said.

“She fine so. And you acting like I ain’t ever pulled my gun out on a nigga before” I said.

“Nah that wasn’t no she just fine. You like shawty” Dre said.

“Yo, why y'all on me? Like y'all wasn’t all over her friends” I asked.

“Oh, I’m definitely fucking with Steph sexy ass again. I’m just saying fucking with Chanel Wright is a different level; shit could end a nigga.” Wayne said.

“Well, I ain’t never been scared of a nigga a day in my life. Plus, you acting like I'mma marry shawty or some shit.”  

“Ion know you was over there drooling looking at her all night” Wayne said.

“Yo fuck you. Let’s finish this so we can dip”

“Why you in a rush? you hitting up Chanel?” Dre asked.

“Nah I’m hitting up yah mama. Let’s go nigga” I said

Dre threw a stack of money at me. As Wayne laughed. I knew Wayne was right fucking with Chanel could be dangerous because of who her father was. But I was drawn to her, I knew if I was smart, I would leave shawty alone. But I wanted her and I always got what I wanted.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #312

“robert’s got a quick hand  /  he’ll look around the room, he won’t tell you his plan.”

Do you kiss your pets? Yes. Have you thought about whether or not you're gay? I actually have briefly questioned if I'm just purely lesbian due to how incredibly averse to simply seeing penises I am, but considering I'm still perfectly capable of being attracted to everything else, I'm obviously not. It's just this weird disgust I naturally have. Have you ever had gay thoughts for your best friend? Well I dated her, so like- Have you ever had an STD? No. Would you say you are addicted to texting or to the person you are texting? Nah, definitely not. I always enjoy texting Sara, but I'm not addicted to doing so. Would you date someone who still lived with their parents? Yes; I still live with my mom, so it'd be very hypocritical not to. Would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them? Nah. Sexual "talent" just doesn't matter very much to me, and besides, before or after marriage, you discover what you like together. Would it bother you if your bf/gf flirted with someone else? ???????????? yes????????????? Would you enjoy a night of playing video games? Oh hell yeah. I honestly really miss doing that with Jason. We were both gamers and would do that frequently. How much does intelligence turn you on? Not like, immensely, but being very smart is definitely attractive. Do you search someone on the Internet before a first date? That shit's kinda creepy, imo. Then again, it could be smart for your safety, but idk, something about doing that seems invasive and just weird. I feel like you should learn things directly from their mouth. Could you date someone who had children from a previous relationship? I really don't think I could at this age, at least. I need to be more stable and a figure to look up to. I could probably be a stepmom to like, a teenager or something, but I'm not dating anyone with one of those at only 25. I would have to really, REALLY like the person to even consider dating them with a younger kid. Would you consider donating your body to science after you die? Yeah, go for it. Do you like to be friends with someone before dating them? Yes, definitely. I think waiting too long can make this hard and an awkward change, though; this was the exact situation with Girt. I had a pretty big crush on him my freshman year before Jason, but we were just friends too long. He became my "brother." Is it more fun to go out just with your date or on a group date? Both are fun. Do you enjoy risk? N O P E. How often do you go dancing/clubbing? Never. Not my jam. Do you meditate? No, but I'm considering trying it thanks to group therapy. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. Do you have a problem with racist jokes? Um, fuck yes I do. Is there anything you think science will never be able to explain? Yeah, like the soul. Do you cook fancy meals for dates? Lol no, I can't cook. Do you litter? No. Don't even fucking dare to in front of me. Do you have a career plan? Yes. Could you live with someone who was really messy? How messy? And would they listen if I asked them to clean up? Do you have any shameful fantasies? Yes. Is art important to you? Art is absoluely vital for my happiness in life. Do you believe in fate or destiny? Nope; you carve your own path. Have you ever called your friend a slut? Ha, jokingly. It's gone both ways. Doing nothing all day makes you feel...? That's me pretty much every day, and it makes me feel awful by the end of it. Do you shower everyday? No. It's bad for your skin and hair. Is work important to you? It clearly is when you consider how stressed I've been for years trying to find a job I can handle. Have you had cosmetic surgery? No, but I probably will have some things done if/hopefully when I lose the weight I want to. Do you only date people who have jobs or are full-time students? My past has proven that not always, no. What I really care about is whether or not they show the intention of getting somewhere, like working on themselves and having plans they're making baby steps towards. If the person is without any motivation to get somewhere in life, no, I can't date them. Could you date someone who does drugs? Absofuckinglutely not. Do you enjoy watching sports? Only dance. Are you a cat or a dog person? Cat, I think, but I love both. Should evolution be taught in schools? Yes, definitely. Separation of church and state, my friend. Are you kinky? I mean I can't say I'm unwilling to try some things that would be considered so, but my sexual experiences so far have been pretty vanilla, and I'm fine with that. Would you do a striptease for your partner? That'd be so fucking awkward lmao. Would you date someone who doesn't have a car? Yeah; again, I don't. It may be problematic if they never wanted to, especially with me being so afraid of driving, but idk. Do you enjoy dancing? If I wasn't so horribly out of shape. Do you think men should pay for everything on dates? Lol, wow. What year are we in again? Have you ever met someone in person you met online? Only Sara so far, but I do wanna meet a few others! Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No. Do you ever read your old surveys? No. They're really just a momentary distraction for me. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Ginga Densetsu Weed was fantastic. I'm now anxiously awaiting Meerkat Manor to come on air again this year!! :') When writing stories, do you have trouble coming up with character names or do they come to you easily? I struggle with coming up with completely original names; I used to be good at it back in the day, now I feel like almost anything I come up with sounds stupid. Real words coming up for OCs that somehow fit them come easy for me, though. Did you ever call any teachers by their first name? Who? Yes, because some preferred it. Have you ever shoplifted, even just once? What did you take? Nope. Have you ever witnessed someone else shoplifting? Did you say something? I don't recall. Is your hair thick, thin, or somewhere in between? it's thick as hell. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh yes, I loved letting the harmless ones wander over my arms as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch? No. What a shocker when you think of Mark, I know, but I've kinda been drifting from enjoying let's plays, especially of random games I don't know or think will be good, so I don't force myself. Have you ever witnessed something burn down? Yes. Diagonal to my childhood house, down the road, there was a huge house fire once. Only the foundation of it is left today. Well, maybe they've rebuilt it, but they sure didn't for a long-ass time. Have you ever won a game of chess? Don't know how to play, so. Have you ever picked strawberries or apples? Strawberries, yes. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? No better than the average joe. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? Three dogs, and my rat Tezzeret. Where on your body did you/would you like to get your first tattoo? I got mine on my right wrist. What’re some movies you love that people wouldn’t expect you to like? The Notebook surprises a lot of people. I adore that movie. Does your shower have a glass screen or a curtain? It's a curtain. What was the last pill you swallowed? I don't remember; I take a lot of meds in the morning. Where’s your dad from? Ohio. Other than yourself, who was the last person that took a picture of you? Whoever took the picture of my sister Misty and me hugging. What are you usually doing if you're up late at night? On the rare occasion I'm up late, I'm probably really into doing something in World of Warcraft at the time. I go through spells. Right now I'm barely playing it at all. What do you get when you go to the movies? Popcorn and a drink, always. Do/did you enjoy living with your parents? Yeah. If you were to write a story right now, what would it be about? I'm not interested in starting a new story. The continuous stories in RP are enough for me. If you were to paint something right now, what would it be? I'm unsure. I have a lot of art ideas I want to do, but idk what I'd do first, and besides, I prefer drawing over painting. Do you believe you have a calling? I don't believe in "callings." I believe in natural talents, but I don't feel there's some supernatural or purposeful tactic to it. If you could sing a song before an audience today, what one would it be? Oh god. If I had a choice, I wouldn't. If I didn't, I'd have to think more about this. Do you enjoy public speaking? Fuck no. What pet do you want to have? The pet I want most right now is a plains/western hognose, probably of the lavender morph. I adore those lil piggies. Who do you want to be in your life that is currently not? I go back-and-forth about Jason, even though I know it wouldn't be healthy for me for him to have any part in it. PTSD is a motherfucker. Who do you want to be out of your life that currently is in it? Nobody. What do you have to do to achieve your dream? Most likely for someone(s) with considerable influence or popularity in art to highlight photograph(s) of mine. It's why I enter competitions once in a blue moon if Mom's okay with paying the small fee; it's very, very seldom I even ask, though. I hate asking for things, especially non-necessities with our financial position. Are you ambitious? I think so. I'm determined as a motherfucker to be successful with photography, for one. Do you sell things online? Extremely rarely. Speaking of which, I keep forgetting to take pictures of my flute and guitar since I wanna try to get rid of them. I never played the guitar much, and my sentimental affection for my flute has long since faded, so I might as well make a bit of cash off them to go towards Venus' terrarium upgrade. Do you look the way you want to look? Hell no. Do you pray daily? I never do. Have you been through anything traumatic? Oh yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. What is a medical condition you used to have but don't anymore? I had this very weird spell of frequent vertigo that kinda just... vanished. Do you look your age? I suppose I do. What has made you itch the most? Shaving my legs I guess, considering I would scratch them so badly it left me with permanent scars. Is there anything you're avoiding? If so, what? Probably. Well enough that I can't even think of it right now, haha. What quality do you admire most in others? Empathy. Do you believe that things will get better? Yes. I hope. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I have. How old were you when you started swearing? I was in the 7th grade. I don't know the actual age group for that. Do you have any Indian in your blood? No. What is your favorite sunset color? Pink. Have you ever had dreadlocks? No. Have you ever wondered if your house was haunted? Two houses ago, yes. Does the idea of having servants bother you? Yes? Do you like crab? NOOOOOO NO NO. It's mushy and just ew. What song gives you chills? Hell, most music I listen to can. I get chills from music very, very easily, and I'd say either "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade or Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" cover does it the best, but I could very well be forgetting one. Ah, Bad Wolves' cover of "Zombie" is another very high contender, especially knowing the story behind it with how the original singer was supposed to write it with them, but the day of scheduled recording, she died. What color is your favorite hoodie? It's mostly gray, just with a Pikachu graphic on it. Do you have a string of lights in your room? No, but I've always thought those were really pretty. If you were a writer, would you have a pen name or use your real name? My real name. What is your friend's cat's name? Sara has a cat named Winter. Did you ignore the last Facebook post that bothered you, or did you comment? Probably rolled my eyes and scrolled by just to avoid conflict. I normally have to be HEATED to start something. If you were a famous singer, what would you want your hit song to be about? Peace, most likely. Do you have a blog? No. Do you think you are good at writing poetry? I think so, but it takes more thinking than it used to. Do you take gummy vitamins? No, but I wish I took vitamins. Would probably do me some good. If you could do research right now for an essay, what topic would you choose to write about? Hm. I'm always up for arguing for LGBT rights. There's a good handful of topics I'd enjoy writing about, though. Have you ever been tempted to commit a crime? Well, I've pirated things before, so... I kinda crossed that threshold. Other than that, no, not to my memory. Have you ever started writing a suicide letter? I wrote one and am forever humiliated by it. ...and then realized you wanted to live? No, I OD'd afterwards. Well wait... I was kinda on the line I guess, considering once I did it, I panicked and told Mom. If you have a class ring, what color is the stone? I didn't get one. Do you like apple cider hot or cold? I can't remember the last time I had either. Do you use window clings (stickers for your window)? No. Have you ever found a secret compartment? I don't remember ever finding one anywhere. Do you read horror stories? Sometimes RP pretty much turns into horror stories, haha. Do you ever comfort eat? I am VERY bad at that. Do you have your wedding planned in your head already? No, only skeletal basics of it. Does sunlight make you happier? Yes. This is a scientific fact. Do you feel depressed in the winter? No. What's your favorite shade of green? Like a pastel mint color. What channel is your TV usually on? Mom always has Netflix or Hulu on, I think. Do you drive with the windows down or the air on? I strongly prefer AC. How many pairs of jeans do you have? Zero. Do you sleep with a comforter or quilt? A comforter. Who is your favorite American president? I don't know nearly enough about any of 'em to make a fair judgment. Do you jump right in a pool or do you get in slowly? Whew, my jumping in the pool days are long over. Do you use one swimsuit for the summer or do you have many? I just have a single black one-piece. Do you use the bumpers when you bowl? Nah. Sorta affects the fun for me since it's less reason to focus. Do you put eyeliner on the top, bottom, or all around your eyes? All around. Will you refuse to listen to music if you find the lyrics degrading? Depends on how degrading, but usually, it doesn't play a part in deciding if I like the song itself or not. Can you do a cartwheel? I never even tried; I was always too afraid of breaking my neck. Do you have tornadoes where you live? Occasionally, but they're not a big thing here. What's your favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. What's the most expensive crafts tool that you own? Miss Tobey got me a big pack of Prismacolor pencils one year that I really cherish. Have you ever woven baskets of any kind (wicker, paper, cardboard etc.)? No. What's the most exotic spice in your spice rack? I don't have the slightest clue. Do you have a favorite television host? Steve Harvey is The Shit. What's something you're opinionated and very vocal about? LGBTQ+ rights and the pro-choice ideology lead the bunch. The lack of morality in hunting for sport, too. What's something you regularly order online? Nothing regularly. Do you like elevators? No; quite the opposite, actually. When you're angry, does it ever get physical? Absolutely not. What's the weirdest video YouTube has suggested to you? I don't really know. I'm certain I've seen some wild suggestions, though, given just how much of a heavy user I am of YT. Do you like the smell of tar? Ugh, no. Never understood that. Do you have any flags on display? If so, what flag(s)? I'd like a rainbow flag for my room to hang somewhere.

[lamiasluck]

Birthday Present

It’s Author’s birthday so here’s a lil story for him! This boi deserves something good

Warnings: implied violence

-

Author stabbed the last bite of his cake with his fork. The chocolate cake tasted dry and subpar, equal parts because it’s a cheap cake mix and because he over baked it. What a fun birthday.

His cabin was quiet for once. The snowfall outside was light today, slowly adding onto the blankets of snow covering the forest. It was a pretty day outside. Author would have loved to use the setting for a story, but unfortunately he was going through a block. 

The sound of him clicking his pen over and over pierced through the quiet cabin. With each twirl and click of his pen, Author found himself no closer to overcoming his block than before. If anything, he got more pissed.

What a fun birthday.

The sound of footsteps crunching in the snow got his attention. And the sound of a familiar shrill ringing made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

“Shit...” Author muttered under his breath, standing up from his chair. There was a hard knock on the door.

When he opened the door, Dark stood tall and pristine in front of him. Behind Dark was a slumped over man tied up in secure binds. The entity’s expression was unreadable. 

“Surprising to see you around here,” Author mused, focusing his eyes on the random victim. “What’s all this?”

“It’s called a gift, Author. It’s common to give them on birthdays, you know?” Dark replied, a faint snarky tone undeniably mixed in. The tied up man was unconscious and definitely freezing slumped over in the snow. There were no visible injuries on him, but the tear tracks staining his face told Author he didn’t come here unharmed.

“A gift?” Author chuckled. “Aw~ You shouldn’t have.” He gestured to the body. “Tell me more.”

Dark rolled his shoulders and smiled his usual creepy smile. “His name is Tristan Roberts. He threatened to hurt the others and had to be dealt with. I figured you could make good use with him.”

Author hummed along his explanation. “I was needing a story.”

Already his mind was racing. Perfect, this was perfect. People tended to not venture around during the winter months, making his character appearances scarce. Far too scarce for a passionate writer like him. Tristan looked in good health, and if he had connections to the egos then he must have a decent background story. 

“He has a girlfriend. I captured him yesterday and a search party is being deployed later tonight under her order.”

‘A sequel,’ Author immediately thought. He couldn’t help his devious smile now.

“I trust that you will deal with him. I look forward to the story.”

He could already feel the weight of his bat in his palm. “I never knew you had a heart! So thoughtful~” Inspiration washed over him like a heavy snowfall. He reached over to pat Dark on the shoulder. “And here I thought you forgot about me.”

“Don’t let this get to your inflated head. This man had to disappear, you’re simply a tool.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard the monologue.” Author waved him off. “Don’t you have work to do or something? I wanna get started.”

Dark huffed and straightened his suit. Soon after, a black smoke started to surround him as he began to disappear. Author barely watched, eyes raking over Tristan’s form as idea after idea flowed through his mind. 

“And one more thing, Author.” He looked back at Dark. “Be sure to visit from time to time.”

Author laughed. “You don’t want me there.”

“Perhaps if you show up...” Dark spoke in a taunting tone. “Maybe someone can make you a cake that’s edible.”

And then Dark was gone, leaving traces of fading smoke. Which left Author with his newest character.

Tristan slowly blinked awake. He was being dragged by the hair by a man he didn’t recognize. However, he knew his intent. A pained groan left his lips as he weakly struggled. The sound was accompanied by the joyful humming of the tune “Happy Birthday”. Golden eyes bore into his soul, and an evil smile scarred his brain. No amounts of struggling could free him from Author’s grasp.

In a chilling tone, Author began to sing. He let go of his character and let him fall to the cabin floor in a dull thud. He reached over to grab his notebook.

“Happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me~”

What a fun birthday.

[drewsleung]

⌠ ROSS BUTLER, 24, CIS MALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ANDREW LEUNG! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in THREAT ELIMINATION + PROTECTION & ENFORCEMENT; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (various sports equipment, faded photographs of people he holds dear, and the academy handbook). when it’s the virgo’s birthday on 08/24/1995, they always request their SNOWSKIN MOONCAKE from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ jess, 21, she/her, cst ⍀   

its ya girl..back again w a qt PI

family background: for as long as he could remember, his immediate family has always been in san francisco. sure, he’s got some cousins in sacramento, anaheim, and a swanky dj cousin in los angeles, but san francisco was it. the leungs had a local bookstore that they’ve had for generations. how they manage to keep it up despite the subtle changes in town was something that none of the leung children ever questioned. they knew the answer. they didn’t wanna know anymore than that.

as the oldest of the three leung sibs, andrew was used to mediating and protecting for pretty much every day of their lives. he was the one the others turned to for advice and as a human shield against their classmates that would have rather mean (sometimes racist) things to say to their face. at his family’s shop, he helped out with inventory and being the person in front. sometimes he would give out flyers. all in all, it was a relatively normal childhood.

the only thing that wasn’t normal ( at all ) was his knack for learning physical things quickly. whether it was a friend’s hiphop choreo for a party or some really inaccurate (but still cool looking) kung fu moves on television, andrew could watch it and practice it for a bit before being able to do it near perfectly.

his uncle noticed this particular ability of his and all but told him to start working with him in his gym. andrew’s protective spirit finally began to have a body that matched - large, rather formidable. his uncle was also handy with a few makeshift weapons - namely whatever the kids had lying around - baseball bats, tennis rackets, etc. 

the thing is: andrew is not that violent. at least, he’s not unnecessarily violent. *robert deniro vc*  he don't like to cause pain for no reason, because all his sadistic urges are satisfied when he cause pain for a good reason

personality: he’s more of a teddy bear than anything. sensitive. he likes (and writes) poetry. really good and really fascinated with words (remember zeke from the get down??? like tHAT). he also likes corny jokes a lot. that saying, his smile could honestly mean anything at any point. whether he’s smiling because he’s genuinely amused or he’s hiding his urge to physically confront someone is anyone’s guess. he usually doesn’t hesitate to communicate his thoughts. ( idk how else to explain bc im a lil sleepy but .. he’s..not afraid to cry in public.. its that type of energy. )

back to the story! his skills caught someone’s eye and subsequently invited andrew. however, he knew the family couldn’t afford it and he really didn’t want to leave san francisco ( just yet! ) and he refused. thinking that was the end of it, he went back to his normal routine thinking that all’s well ( but....he’s being observed still! )

with that, andrew spent his teenage years in sf. going to high school, helping out his fam, normal teenage stuff (with the added badassery of martial arts knowledge ig) and then....he fell in love. a girl by the name of celia whose parents were friends with andrew’s parents. after high school, the two decided to become steady and began to live together - though no plans of marriage was ever said ( im sure they thought about it tho ) and at some point during their time living together, celia became pregnant with andrew’s child. a son. ( they were like..20 years old when this happened, so they both have graduated already and were going to community college ) -- theodore michael leung ( a qt pi all on his own!! a star!! )

( death tw ) then tragedy happens when teddy turns 1. celia’s parents must have gotten the triad upset and celia’s parents were tragically slain in their home. andrew was watching teddy when he learned that in celia’s haste to get away, she was also caught in violent act. a neighbor had tried to take her to the hospital, but she was already dead when they arrived.

andrew was devastated. he moved back in with his parents, who were scared for him. his uncle ( who had triad connections ) vouched for him, however, and was told that him and teddy would be left alone. celia’s parents mistakes were not their mistakes.

but celia’s death hit him hard. his parents and the rest of the family were trying their best but he knew that a simple word wouldn’t be enough in the future. he wanted to secure teddy’s future. 

so when he was offered to go to blackthorne, he didn’t refuse. and no matter how bad things got there ( not to mention how bad the actual facilities were ), he trained hard and he didn’t try to cause a lot of trouble. 

the move to gallagher wasn’t surprising to andrew. blackthorne was basically a wilting plant waiting to be put out of its misery. it was a relief, almost. yet he knows that gallagher’s original students would take some time to get used to. i mean, come on. they have their own chefs! and the floors are so shiny, you could see yourself in them!

andrew is just here to learn the necessary skillz to protect his family, his child!1!!

the fun part! wanted connections: friendos (pleathe...), roommates (u get to squeal over pictures of his son!), some flirtationships ( drew is bi wink wonk ), and some people that he can complain about blackthorne to ( “blackthorne was wack yo. we had mystery soup” )

thank u for reading all this. ur a blessing and i hope u hav a great day!! 

[nellieblybitches]

Ghost Story Part 1

This is a story i’ve been working on for a lil while. it’s me trying to condense ghost lore into a story that also reflects an emotionally destructive family dynamic and matter-of-fact horror

heeeere goes! pls ask questions and propose edits KINDLY

Louise Jones woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night on a Tuesday in late February. She decided to get a glass of water.

The first misstep was the slippers. It was unpleasantly cold, and the linoleum in the hallway would be hell without them, but the slippers were, well, slippery. The stairs would not be easy. They were idiotic-looking, too, with little bunny faces on the toes and carrots on the soles, but she assumed nobody would see her.

Part two: her glasses. Most days, Louise kept her glasses on her nightstand. But she had left them unattended on the couch that weekend, and her daughter Charlotte had sat on them. She had ordered new ones, but they hadn’t arrived.

Part three. She had just awoken from a nightmare, a vivid and terrifying one. In the dream, she walked behind a group of shadowy, sinewy figures, watching them pull every item off the shelves and throw it to the floor. Books, plates, clocks, photos… broken pottery littered the carpet everywhere, and the glass was already cutting her face and feet…Her family was nowhere in sight.

The people were methodical and fast, ripping her children’s artwork that hung on the fridge, smashing a vase with a hammer, throwing rocks at windows. The rubble began to build up on the floor, and then the dream shifted in the way that only dreams can, so she was suddenly in a murky lake in her own living room, full of broken glass and wood. The level of the polluted water rose until she was treading water, swimming with her head against the ceiling, all the way under and trapped with no air…

It was at this moment that she sat up in her bed, sweaty but in one piece, with the paintings still on the walls and the mattress still on the bed. She gulped down fistfuls of air, feeling as though there was toxic dust in her lungs.

Thus: The third and most dangerous part of her trip to the kitchen was not that she could barely see or walk. It was that her dream still clutched her, still strangled her, and bits of it stayed glued to her mind.

So as she navigated the house, her vision was against her: pieces of glass still seemed to litter the floor, the walls sweated bilge water. Her reality and dreams had been mixed violently in a cocktail shaker, and disoriented Louise was alone in deciphering what was real.

She began to run down the hallway. She passed her children’s rooms. Her slippers were slick on the tiles. She reached for the banister and swung at arm’s length away from it to speed up the process of getting down the stairs, but, in her haste, Louise hit the back of her head, hard, on the windowsill. Her feet slid out from underneath her so that she landed flat on her back. She bumped down six stairs before coming to a stop. Her spine stiffened, then relaxed vaguely into the shape of the stairs.

Louise was dead. Very dead. And she stayed unnoticed in her deadness until the morning, when her son Will made that same swing around the corner of the bannister and saw his mother lying there, crumpled on the landing.

It was gory, and probably scarring to poor fourteen-year-old Will, but Louise barely heard his shriek of terror and grip on her cold arm. She was deep in the midst of the feeling of her heart slowing, her body cooling. It was achey and dizzying and painful. She couldn’t even close her eyes.

She barely felt anything when an EMT loaded her into an ambulance, or when she heard her husband Ian lie loudly to five-year-old Mimi that Mommy would be fine. Aches and pains faded in and out of her body. Her skin felt tight, and dry, and cold.

Somewhere on Lunt Ave., she began to feel detached and floaty. All of the scraps of pain and discomfort were loosening their bond on her limbs. As the ambulance turned onto Thornshore Dr., she felt her soul detach from her body. A hiss of air escaped her lungs, or her body’s lungs, because now the human form lying on the stretcher was completely and utterly separate from Louise Jones.

Louise, the real one, was coursing though the sky, feeling as though a magnetic force was pushing her back to where she lived—or used to live. The fact that she was dead and no longer human was dawning on her painfully slowly. She landed on the porch.

For the fist time, her feet—wearing the god-awful bunny slippers she had put on nearly six hours earlier—touched the ground. Immediately, as her heels pressed the doormat, sharp stabbing pains wrenched through her feet. What felt like thousands of needles and bits of glass and gravel were pressing into her soles. She limped to the door. It didn’t get any easier.

Her body, which had been misty-soft when she flew from the Brightstar Hospital ambulance, solidified and took on a humanoid shape, cold and clumpy. Mostly out of instinct, she reached for the doorknob. The lock clicked familiarly—without a key.

Right inside, she sat on the bench by the door, ready to relieve the pressure on her feet. To her surprise, the only thing on the bottom of her slippers was a rather tacky carrot pattern. She stood up. Yet again, walking felt like rubbing glass into her feet. From here began the process of hopping, running and jumping to the kitchen to see if there was any way to get the pain to lessen a little.

Louise made an interesting discovery when she jumped: she stayed up. “Walking” now meant gliding a foot or so off the ground. The pain was gone. Louise pushed the worries about getting back down on the floor to the corner of her mind and rose up the stairs.

On the way up, she paused. She was hovering about eighteen inches above where she had died. There was a good amount of Louise’s blood, mostly dry, on the stairs and windowsill. A wave of nausea rolled over her. She licked her thumb and rubbed at a freckly patch of spatter on the banister support. To her shock, the fluid did wash away.

Louise was becoming increasingly aware of her limits as a ghost. Testing was constant. After cleaning up the brain matter and blood on the stairs, she decided to go outside and see what happened when she interacted with people.

She put her hand to the door. Locked as it was, she had no trouble pushing it open. She rubbed her hands together evenly. Here was where the fun was.

Mr. Robert, the elderly neighbor who took down Christmas decorations on December 26th every year, was walking east, probably to mail the letter in his hand. Louise swarmed down through the air to come to a stop a few yards in front of him. She hovered, tense. What if he didn’t see her? What would happen if he did?

Mr. Robert didn’t slow down or step closer to the edge of the sidewalk. He just walked head-on at Louise, as if she weren't there. For a man who loved his personal space, he seemed okay with just about walking through her.

Walking through her. Louise had a sudden realization. What if he could just occupy the space that she was, like in the movies? He was a yard away now. She was nervous. He plodded on. Just as he reached her, Louise squeezed her eyes shut. There was a faint whooshing sound, and now Mr. Robert was moving away from her, trudging forward like there was nothing more important to him than that letter. She turned to watch him, feeling silly.

If she cut through the Delaneys' garden, she could get to a more main street, with more people. She sped down the side path, passing though Jason Delaney’s tricycle. Huh. So when she wasn’t looking to grab onto something, she could just get past, easy peasy.

Louise was giddy with her discoveries now. No more tripping over items on the floor, she could just pass through them! No more trouble with losing her keys; the door would just open for her. So many of her least favorite pet peeves were—

WHAM. Louise staggered. About four feet in front of the Delaneys’ back fence was…something invisible. She scooped up a stick from the ground and poked at the air in front of her. The stick thudded against the fence just fine, but her fist was rejected by an unseen wall. A solid barrier, no doubt, definitely intended for her. She frowned.

Disappointed, she rose up over the Delaneys’ and back over to her own house. She sat cross-legged on the porch. With her one good idea frozen in its tracks, overcoming her was a childlike sense of boredom. What’s a housebound dead woman to do, all alone?

Across the street was May Simmons, walking her little rat of a dog. May was incredibly thin, with collarbones that stuck out too far and eyes that were too wide. It looked like you could hide soup in her clavicle.

“Good morning, May!” Louise called across the street. May didn’t seem to hear her. Jerry, the dog, glanced her way and looked suspicious. Feeling madcappish, she swooped down to May and Jerry to see if she could get their attention. She reached out to pet the dog’s ugly mat of fur, and he barked, snapping at her fingers.

“Whoa, Jerry.” May was struggling to restrain her dog. “There’s nothing there.” Cereal-box-sized as he was, the puppy noticed her—and did not like her. May, clearly spooked, steered spitting Jerry onto the edge of the sidewalk and tried to calm him down.

Louise was also spooked. So somebody could see her, even if it was just the misshapen puppy across the street. Her privacy came crashing down. What was the use of being a ghost if you were confined and visible? Being dead was spoiling her, making her petulant and demanding. She sat on the porch again, feeling like a teenager. It wasn’t the worst feeling. She had cracked her skull open earlier that day. It didn’t get much worse than that.

She saw a maroon minivan puttering down the street, the engine groaning familiarly. Leaning forward in her rocking chair, she saw her license plate and her husband behind the wheel, confirming the car to be hers. The childish state of mind swept away from her and in its place was a bout of some dark emotion: fear, perhaps, or something like panic. She stood up, then sat back down again. What was the point? They probably couldn’t see her.

Maybe they could. She stood up again. She was about to call out when she realized what would happen if they did see her: mass panic. Their mother risen from the dead, wearing bunny slippers. She crouched low behind a rocking chair.

The four of them trudged numbly up the stairs. Charlotte was crying. Will looked shaken to his core. Ian looked like he was holding two hundred pounds on his back. Mimi toddled behind all of them, unaware and confused.

Guilt spread through her, fast and cold. She wanted to comfort them. She wanted them to know that she was safe, that they could still talk to her. That their mother was close by.

She didn’t let them know any of these things. Instead, she stayed curled up behind the cobwebby chair until she heard the lock click behind them.

[foryourlifefic-blog]

Chaper 2 (Part 1)

The Hyatt House

Read the sign of the hotel as we all pulled up to it.

Ron leant me a fur coat for protection against the cold, and I couldn’t help but feel like royalty as we had all shared drinks in their limousine.

When we got out I grabbed Jimmy’s arm for balance, as I could already feel the alcohol hitting me.

Mr. Richard Cole, the famous tour manager had gotten out before us along with some other husky men to keep people out of the way so we could get into the hotel.

The rest of Led Zeppelin and my band mates were behind us as we exited the limo. It was a surreal experience walking into the hotel with Jimmy Page while a line of teenage girls stood outside, hoping to do the same.

“Come on stay over there now!” I could hear Richard yell in a thick accent up ahead.

“Is this every night?” I whisper in Jimmy’s ear gesturing towards the girls.

“Well more like every other night.” he looks towards them and laughs ��but hell tonight must be one of those nights” he says with a hint of cockiness.

“I guess so” I remark “so what floor are you guys on?” I ask him as we approach the door.

“Well the very top one of course” he says opening it for me “there is a lovely pool on the roof as well, so having the top floor only makes sense.”

“I see” I say stepping in “and thank you”

“My pleasure” he says putting his hand on the small of my back.

I could be hear talking and laughter from the clump of people behind us, they were all pretty hammered similar to Jimmy and I.

Richard and his helpers were the last ones in as they had to fend off crowds of super fans and teenage girls.

“What’s it like to always have that many chicks available to you?” I can hear Matt slur from behind me.

Robert is quick to answer “well it’s not much different from anything else, you want it, you go get it. That’s just how it is around here.”

“Well that must be nice” Kenny says “I wish girls were like that with us”

“Oh lord” I say rolling my eyes causing Jimmy to chuckle into my neck as we were still arm in arm.

“Tell you what” Robert snaps his fingers “why don’t the two of you go out there and pick out a couple of birds, you can bring them up to our floor and do with them what you will.”

“No shit, really?” Kenny asks.

“My treat” Robert laughs then looks at the clock above the front desk of the lobby “I am actually expecting some one right about now, so I’m gonna go out there with you guys.” He says

“Well then let’s go!” Matt says with a little to much enthusiasm.

Him and Kenny basically run down the lobby steps pushing each other to the front door, while Robert casually walks behind them.

Percy, I can get your bird! It’s crazy out there!” Richards yells following him out the door, but Robert just ignores him.

They push both the doors open and I can hear screaming from outside. I can see Kenny and Matt freeze in their foot steps. Robert just casually greets everyone, while Richard fends off peoples wondering hands. The whole sight was pretty comical.

“And then there were 4” Jen said awkwardly.

“Not to worry little one” Bonzo says wrapping his arm around her head “I’ll take good care of you”

“Thanks” she huffs in the nape his arm.

He laughs “looks like Pagey and your ole friend Lil have already made good company.”

“What do you mean?” I ask causing Jimmy to sharply look at me.

“Well you just seem comfortable is all” He howls “Pagey likes you.”

I can feel Jimmys body immediately tense but then he tries to play it off “thanks for the narration Bonzo.”

“So you do like me?” I ask looking towards him smiling a mischievous smile.

Jen and Bonzo immediately start laughing obnoxiously pissing Jimmy off.

He looks from me to them, then to me again “come with with me” he grunts grabbing my arm leading me to the elevators.

By this time Bonzo and Jen’s laughing has caused me to giggle as well, which is what I did as I waved to them goodbye barley able to contain myself.

Once we got in the elevator the laughing had died down and I began to apologize to him.

“Hey I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to- huh” I gasped as he grabbed my waist and put his lips on mine.

I about fell from the surprise, but Jimmy caught me and pushed me against the elevator wall.

“I really am sor-“ He cut me off by putting his finger on my lips.

“Shhh” he says pushing my bottom lip down with his finger.

I just stare at him, still in shock over what happened even though I was definitely okay with it.

“No need to apologize love, he’s right I do like you.”

“But why?” I blurt out, immediately regretting saying it after.

“Because your a beautiful girl, with a beautiful voice, who I admire. You’ve got something special.” He says.

I point to my chest “really? Me?”

He laughs and bites his lip “yes you”

“Huh” I say unable to comprehend the things he was saying to me. “Well Mr. Page you have deemed me speechless.” I say continuing to look closer into his eyes.

He moves closer to my face “Hardly love, the only question is, are you interested in me as well?”

“What if I say yes?” I ask biting my lip.

“Well I would ask for you to stay the night with me in my hotel room. I would definitely show you a good time.” He smirks.

“And no?” I ask raising my eyebrow.

“Well that wouldn’t be very fun would it.” He says.

“Hmmm... let me weigh out my options.” I whisper as the elevator approaches the top floor.

I move away from him and enter into the master Led Zeppelin suit.

I look back at Jimmy who says “I will have you Ms. Rose.”

“And I will have a look around here.” I wink.

I accidentally run into a rather large man with some quiet messed up hair.

“Oh I’m sorry” I say embarrassed “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“Not a problem girl” he says in a thick accent. “Pagey is this one with you?” He asks.

I can hear Jimmy begin to approach the conversation. “Yes G she is, her and her band played at the Whiskey tonight. We just brought them back to have a good time.”

“I see” He says “I didn’t catch your name love.”

“It’s Leila” I say extending my hand “it’s nice to meet you.”

“And you as well” he says “well don’t let me get into your guys way, I’m about to retire anyway I have some business that needs attending to in the morning.” He says.

“What business?” Jimmy asks crossing him arms.

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about.”

“G” He says annoyed.

“Oh cool your panties Pagey, there was just a problem with... well the record company seems to be... and part of my French little one, fucking us over.” He enunciates.

“What do you mean.” Jimmy asks.

“There not giving you 25%” He says.

“What?” Jimmy says anger beginning to touch his voice “that’s what we signed for!”

“Yes well it looks like there was a mixup with the ceo. Don’t worry about it Jim, I’ll figure it out.” He says beginning to go to go down a hallway into what I can only assume to be his room.

“Do I need to attend that meeting?” Jimmy asks.

“No” he says looking back at Jimmy “I told you, I’ve got it.”

“Just keep me up updated” Jimmy says rubbing his temples.

“Will do” He says continuing to walk down the hallway.

“Who was that?” I ask “he never introduced himself.”

“That was our tour manager, Peter Grant. He never feels the need to introduce himself.” Jimmy chuckles.

“Oh that makes sense.” I say.

Yeah, and I apologize about that. For some reason we are having trouble with record labels. The one we just switched to apparently isn’t paying us what we agreed on.”

“Oh that’s annoying.” I say.

“Yeah it his.” He smiles “but enough about that. Now let’s see if there’s something here for us to have some fun with.”

[thesportssoundoff]

The UFC Released A Schedule; Let’s Play Matchmaker For It

(As always, this shit is tiring but also a lot of fun. If you read this, I appreciate it. It's a lot of work to even try to play around with this stupidity but I also think having to do this exercise makes you a teensy bit smarter, if only because you gain an appreciation for its difficulty.)

Joey

November 12th

The UFC unveiled it's 2019 early schedule slate and it is in so many words, an attack on you, me, the world of MMA, the universe as a whole and all we love dear. It's a loaded slate of 11 fight cards compared to 8 in 2017 and 9 in 2018. It's the debut of the ESPN era where 42 guaranteed shows at 12 fights a pop are coming our way with rumors of as many as 4-5 Fight Pass slates as well. The UFC will be on ESPN, ESPN+ and PPV from locales like Brooklyn, Brazil, Australia, London and Arizona with plenty more to be announced in the coming weeks obviously. The past year whenever the UFC has rolled out their scheduling in THIS format, I've tried to play the best Sean Shelby/Mick Maynard I can and matchmake for the events. It is a long painful process and if you're reading this, I hope you're prepared for me to do it again.

Couple o' caveats before I begin:

-I am not predicting any flyweight fights. Until they book a single fight in 2019 at the weight, I'm assuming it's gone.

-We're rolling with what we got. No GSP, no Diaz Brothers. no Rumbles bails out, none of that. We got what we got.

-Just doing co-mains and main events. If I got a PPV fight or two in mind, it'll be in the overview of it.

-Don't expect a non-Brazilian main event in Brazil or so on so forth. There ARE rules to this game, ya goons.

Ready?

January 19th UFC on ESPN+/ESPN Barclays Center Brooklyn New York

ESPN+ Main Event: Anderson Silva vs Israel Adesanya Co Main Event: Yoel Romero vs Anthony Smith

ESPN Main Event: Rachael Ostovich vs Paige Van Zant Co Main Event: Cub Swanson vs Jeremy Stephens

At the press conference, Dana White said somethings at UFC 230 were going to lead into what would happen for this card. Given the amount of middleweights on the show, I suppose that's where the action is. We know Yoel Romero has a signed contract for Jan 19th so right off the jump, the first assumption is Romero vs Costa which, I suppose, is the right fight to make at least until Ariel Helwani broke news that Paolo Costa is hurt----again. The question I have (and perhaps will continue to have) is where Anderson Silva fits into the discussion. Silva is rumored to be returnign in January LIKELY for this card. Silva vs Israel Adesanya sounds very interesting and I'd be 100% with it.  It would be a tremendous treat for striking fans and is the perfect use of both guys. My concern is that Adesanya, Paula Costa and Jacare Souza are all basically jockeying for the back up spot for the February show from Australia. It makes FAR more sense to put Adesanya there vs JAG and roll with something else for Silva----but you're not going to get a lot of these opportunities. Silva vs Adesanya will probably draw more eyeballs to your ESPN+ debut than any other fight you could come up with that isn't a title fight (and for the record, I bet the app will get a few title fights here or there). More on that in a pinch. Keeping Yoel Romero on the card and finding somebody else to fight him keeps a dude who just headlined a PPV on your undercard in a somewhat premier role. I am all aboard on Romero vs anybody but let's go with Yoel Romero going UP in weight to try his hand at 205 lbs vs Anthony Smith. Let's roll. The ESPN "prelims" need to be treated like a main card due to the attention it's going to receive and while PVZ vs Ostovich might sell folks on your app, PVS vs Ostovich probably gets more eyeballs on your ESPN debut on a network. Go with that because it's a lie to assume you can come up with another fight to garner that level of attention.

UFC 223 January 26th Honda Center Anaheim, California

Main Event: TJ Dillashaw vs Henry Cejudo Co-Main Event: Robbie Lawler vs Ben Askren

This one is I guess pretty much locked up. The UFC isn't going to bring Ben Askren in without the plans to showcase him and a co-main under this kind of a title fight makes some sense. Personally I'd go with something else BUT I'm also not sure what would fit better. If they're committed to Askren fighting for a title, might as well co-main event him. Cruz vs Lineker is a tremendous #2 fight with the idea that a guy can jump up in the case of an injury to Cejudo or something of that ilk. Wouldn't surprise me if they roll out a title fight to protect them in the event that fight falls through BUT I'm not sure we're going to get one of those. Your PPV main card could look something like TJ/Cejudo, Lawler/Askren, Till/Mike Perry, Cruz/Lineker and a filler fifth fight. Not awful but probably not the greatest shakes either.

UFC on ESPN+ Feb 2nd Centro de Formação Olímpica Fortaleza, Brazil

Main Event: Jose Aldo vs Donald Cerrone Co-Main Event: Demian Maia vs Diego Sanchez

Brazilian Fight Nights often times suffer from cards that are sliced and diced and picked apart before fight time comes around. The UFC's got an easy one to deal with here as apparently Aldo vs Cerrone was in the works once upon a time. Aldo has said he's waiting to see if Holloway or Ortega wins to make a move to 155 lbs but my belief and hope is that he'll simply make the decision to go up 10 lbs regardless. The co-main event can just be a fun time. Demian Maia has said that he's retiring at the end of his UFC deal so let's just give him safe and fun fights. Watching Maia vs Woodley, Covington and Usman combined with the losses from the top guys he beat gives off the impression that his run to the title shot was very much the work of some amazingly fun yet brief smoke and mirrors. Maia vs Sanchez is a rare "fun" fight that sort of protects both guys and could give way to some intriguing grappling exchanges. Let's not beat the devil out of Demian just yet. Throw in your usual collection of good solid Brazilians on the undercard (Thiago Santos will show up here for sure, I'd imagine Shoeface and Lil Nog will as well) and you're on your way to something good.

UFC 234 February 9th Rod Laver Arena Sydney, Australia

Main Event: Robert Whittaker vs Kelvin Gastelum Co-Main Event: Cain Velasquez vs Either Tai Tuiavasa or the winner of Curtis Blaydes/Francis Ngannou

There are very few fights I'm as intrigued about as Whittaker vs Gastelum. On paper, that's a fantastic fight well worthy of a main event spot. It's the confirmed headliner so there's not much to play with there. I originally figured Rose vs Andrade would make sense here but there's a problem; Rose Namajunas says she's not going to be ready to go until the Spring. Andrade vs Suarez as an interim title fight would be nice and all but I imagine most fans would reject that fight on principle alone. Let's dream big and by big I mean HW. Cain Velasquez is APPARENTLY healthy and ready to fight soon for the UFC. Per Javy Mendez, Cain and the UFC are wrapping up a new deal and once that's done, Cain's getting brought back out for a fight. I don't TRUST that but Cain vs anybody is a fantastic co-main event and would give Australia something nifty and different. I don't need to see Cain vs JDS IV especially since both men are cooked and Stipe Miocic has a more important role to fill. That means that Tai if he beats JDS or the winner of Blaydes vs Ngannou can get the Cain fight instead. Rounding out the main card, I've got my eyes on Jacare as the back up for the main event. While UFC booking says Jacare gets the best MW available (because why would we do something simple?), I'm giving Jacare a soft touch for doing me a favor and staying on the show. Italian Alessio Di Chirico is coming off a win and is a weak-ish enough grappler that I could see that being easy work for Jacare. Ross Pearson is bound to show up on here somewhere (it's the way of the world) and the same goes for Tyson Pedro (fighting in early December). Wouldn't snub my nose at maybe one more Mark Hunt old dude HW fight either vs another old dude (Arlovski?). Also if Volkanovski wins vs Chad Mendes and is fresh enough to return around this time? Put him in the showcase spot.

UFC on ESPN February 17th Talking Stick Casino Phoenix, Arizona

Main Event: Tony Ferguson vs Dustin Poirier Co-Main Event: Frankie Edgar vs Josh Emmett

The UFC's official OFFICIAL debut on ESPN comes in February in Arizona so let's go out there and give us some of that fresh out the oven violence for fight fans. Let's say Khabib Nurmagomedov gets suspended for six months from the date of UFC 228. That puts him in line-ish to fight in April which is basically the cut off point before he takes off for Ramadan. It would be doable but a tight squeeze for the UFC to pull that off, right? Okay NOW let's say he gets suspended for eight months. An eight month suspension is basically a year long suspension since it'll take Khabib into Ramadan and Khabib tends to re-emerge into the September to December months. As such, Khabib could be out into "it's reasonable to have an interim title" range. The same goes for a year long suspension or potentially even longer. With the lay out as it is,  Tony Ferguson vs Dustin Poirier makes a lot of sense as a potential interim title fight. Tony Ferguson is the unofficial official UFC lightweight champion while Dustin's never been hotter as a fighter. The co-main event just feels like a good way to get Edgar back into the mix vs a guy who has some steam on him. Holloway vs Ortega, Moicano vs Bektic, Volkanovski vs Mendes sucks up six of the top featherweights and I've seen Edgar beat Swanson twice and Stephens once (and I kinda booked them against one another but shhhhhh!). That leaves very little that's appealing for Edgar at 145 lbs and the idea of doing a fun as shit Edgar vs Cruz fight at 145 lbs probably has very little zest with fans PLUS Cruz is fighting in December. The only other option I felt moderately interested in seeing Edgar face would be Josh Emmett. Emmett is coming off a loss but he did headline on Fox (and was a co-main), he's got some spark behind his name and I feel very comfortable and confident that it'll at least be a somewhat captivating fight on paper.  As for the rest of the main card? I don't have anything definitive in mind given how loaded November and December are for the UFC. If you forced me to flesh out six fights, it might look something like this:

Ferguson/Poirier Edgar/Emmett Mackenzie Dern/Felice Herrig Aljamain Sterling/Rani Yahya Gian Villante/Khalil Rountree (Because deep down inside of my soul, I really do hate all of you and myself)

That's assuming they do five fights. If they do four, scratch that last one and thank me for it.

UFC on ESPN+ February 23rd Scotttrade Center St. Louis, Missouri

Main Event: Justin Gaethje vs the winner of Dan Hooker/Edson Barboza Co-Main Event: Marlon Moraes vs Raphael Assuncao II

The UFC hasn't announced a venue for this yet so we're playing a little bit of God here. There are heavy rumors that this show is bookmarked for South Korea but if that were the case then the UFC Would be going Korea, Australia and Brazil in a span of a mouth and that doesn't seem overly likely. If it was up to me, the main and co-main event here would be swapped and reversed. The only way you're going to get bantamweights accepted as main eventers is to roll them out and see what happens. Assuncao vs Moraes II is supposedly a fight the UFC is working on and both guys are #1 contender types in a division hungry FOR a number one contender. Feels like a fair and easy fight to make but ALAS----welcome to MMA where everything is fine until it isn't. Figuring that the desire to have a "big" main event trumps logic and common sense, even for a digital streaming app, let's go with what I think is a perfectly acceptable headliner of Justin Gaethje vs the winner of Barboza vs Hooker. Gaethje has main evented in three of his four UFC fights so he's clearly a guy the company has faith in in that spot. Barboza is a proven headliner and IF Hooker beats Edson then there's no doubting where he should be ranked and who he should wind up facing. That main event just feels right in the UFC's never ending division of great fights. Moraes vs Assuncao II is a perfect co-main event, teeth firmly grinding together as I type it.

UFC 235 March 2nd T-Mobile Arena

Main Event: Daniel Cormier vs Brock Lesnar OR Stipe Miocic Co-Main Event: Tyron Woodley vs Colby Covington

The main event feels like a lock for DC's final fight before he either goes off to work as a WWE commentator or replaces Dana White as the face of the UFC while Dana takes a more behind the scenes role in the company. Despite Cormier saying he'd fight Jones again at LHW, I don't see that ever being the case just due to the weight cut. Not cutting to LHW has been such a positive for DC that he has joked (perhaps?) that the lack of a weight cut has opened the door for him to extend his career if he wanted to. That means either Brock or Stipe is getting the call to face Cormier. My immediate thought is that they will do everything in their power to get Brock vs DC in March. Why? Because if both guys are retiring then you're just free to do whatever. It's sort of like how Bisping turned down Vitor as a retirement fight when both were looking for one last fight; what's the downside to cheating if you're going to be gone anyways? As for the co-main event, we can't avoid this forever. At some point, Tyron Woodley vs Colby Covington is coming our way and our collective asses are going to have to deal with that. It's an intriguing fight I suppose inside the cage but at the end of the day, there's simply no way to workaround the ugliness that'll follow it outside of it. And just for the sake of funsies, add a third title fight here for good measure. Give me the winner of Jonna/Shevchenko vs the winner of Eye/Chookagian in December. Feels like everything should match up in a timely fashion there. Hell I wouldn't even be totally opposed to Nicco Montano getting the shot here either. Throw in Michelle Waterson vs Livia Souza and Chris Weidman's debut at 205 lbs vs Misha Cirkunov and we are happily off to the races.

UFC on ESPN+ March 9th Boardwalk Hall Atlantic City, New Jersey

Main Event: Cody Garbrandt vs Jimmie Rivera Co-Main Event: Dominick Reyes vs Jan Blachowicz

Again, no location is listed here so we're left to play creative games with locations. The UFC has agreements in place to run shows in China and Russia twice a year (in theory) but they also have deals with Singapore (normally in June) and Atlantic City. Let's keep it in the States and turn our attention to Atlantic City. AGAIN the only way you're going to get bantamweights respected is if you give them main event opportunities. I would've gone Cruz/Lineker winner vs Garbrandt but I'd imagine the winner of Cruz vs Lineker is the fast track candidate for the bantamweight title fight. Garbrandt needs a break from TJ Dillashaw and Cruz----and a fight with Jimmie Rivera feels a bit like a safe and secure rebound fight. Rivera is probably the easiest of the available top 5 guys and I'd like to see if a refreshed Garbrandt could handle Rivera's pressure and crisp combinations. The co-main feels like a damn good fight that even Reyes has chimed in about. Dom Reyes wants this to be a main event but I'm more committed to helping improve the imagery of bantamweights as main eventers than I am in giving Reyes a main event spot. He doesn't need it as much as bantamweight overall needs it.

UFC on ESPN+ March 16th The 02 Arena London, England

Main Event: Darren Till vs Derek Brunson Co-Main Event: Marcin Tybura vs Alexander Volkov

Guys like Jimi Manuwa, LEon Edwards (the hell do you find a spot for him on these shows?), Arnold Allen and the wealth of other good European fighters figure to be on here somewhere. This is where not having a Mousasi type hurts because you could willingly plug him in here at any spot and he'll be a reputable international draw. For me, give me Till vs Brunson in a test to see whether Darren Till is ready for the move up to 185 lbs. Brunson is sort of the Mr. Reliable a la Uriah Hall who the UFC calls on when they need a guy with some clout who can pop in and do a deal. The co-main is just the usual international bit; two big European heavyweights being told to go out there and throw hands at one another. Sneak in Overeem somewhere on this main card in an easier fight (Shamil Abdurakhimov, lookin at you!) and you've got a pretty decent top of the billing for a return to the UK. Leon Edwards is the one guy I kind of lack a spot for; Edwards was supposed to fight a bunch of different guys but the UFC has basically hidden him out in Europe (with a pinch hit in Brazil or Asia) so it's hard to find a good spot for him. Just talking out loud here on that one but maybe the loser of Usman vs RDA? I can't see RDA being willing to go to Europe but he fought in Mexico and Singapore recently so perhaps the travel isn't going to be THAT big of a deal. Also I assume this is where we'll see the return of Gokhan Saki despite him being MIA for what feels like a century now. Mairbek Taisumov vs David Teymur would be a dandy too.

UFC on ESPN+ March 23rd American Airlines Center Dallas, Texas

Main Event: Holly Holm vs Amanda Nunes/Cris Cyborg Co-Main Event: Yair Rodriguez vs Ricardo Lamas

I am going to BET you that ESPN has some "You'll get a title fight" assurances from the UFC. Just a random guess. With Amanda Nunes bottoming out on PPV with under 100K buys vs Rocky Pennington and Cyborg always one foot in, one foot out the door, maybe this is where you use your digital platform to help make some folks happy. Holly Holm is (usually) always really good at attracting eyeballs to her fights in some form or fashion. Consider that she sold 200K+ buys with GDR as a headliner for the love of all that's holy (with some help from Anderson Silva too) and remember the numbers she's drawn on free TV. Holm vs Nunes is a fresh fight at 135 lbs that would/could make folks happy on all fronts. It's a respectable main event. Cyborg vs Holm 2 could follow a similar suit as a "big" fight main event given to fans for $4.99 a month. It's an enticer and perhaps that ESPN+ sub count means more to ESPN (and the UFC) than whatever rating you pop the week AFTER this one. Things don't always make sense in MMA anyways. Yair vs Lamas is a fight the UFC has tried to make apparently three times before and so now I imagine is as good a time as any to pull it off. Yair's stock will never be higher and Lamas seems to be on the downswing of things in his career potentially. Maybe that's a fight you can pull off and feel good about. Also I imagine March is more than enough time for Derrick Lewis to heal up and grace us all with his wonderful presence

.

UFC on ESPN March 30th SAP Center San Jose, California

Main Event- Luke Rockhold vs Paulo Costa Co-Main Event- Anthony Pettis vs Nik Lentz

And so we end this long and painful march towards the end of the "official" calendar with one more show on ESPN. I feel like at this point the "obvious" fights are exhausted and you're left to try and get creative with a smidge of spots that make sense for an ESPN headliner. The one fight that remains that I'd feel most comfortable with is this one; a clash between rising MW contender Paulo Costa and longtime stalwart and guy who seems too stubborn to cut to 205 Luke Rochold. In reality, it's a pretty fair match up for both guys. Costa gets to chase the big "name" that eluded him and after pulling out of two fights and struggling with injuries, it makes sense that Rockhold's return would be a bit more subdued. Rockhold is still a guy who can draw eyes to TV sets and so Rockhold vs Costa on "free" TV feels like a bit of a dandy for fans. As far as a co-main event for the ole boys at ESPN? Kinda stuck. At this point I'm projecting 10 events (and like four months into the future) so it's not exactly the easiest deal in the world.  As such how about Anthony Pettis vs Nik Lentz? Pettis is still a name who can be relied upon for some semblance of notoriety and Nik Lentz is one of the few dudes at 155 lbs he hasn't fought quite yet. Most of the fun exciting LWs I believe Pettis has either fought or has passed on as well given that he turned down Mairbek Taisumov (not the worst idea), Kevin Lee (for UFC 228) and so Lentz feels like a fair shake in giving Pettis someone he COULD beat while also presenting challenges to him. Throw in Ovince St. Preux somewhere and give us the latest from Cat Zingano and I'm cool with that.

[thepictureofsdr]

mary saying “we’ll know him and value him” about branson in s3 e1 :,)

tom talking about irish politics… i have to fan myself WHOOO

“you really think you can recruit cousin robert for sinn fein” I GIGGLED i love matthew

the beginning of the matthew tom bromance 🫶

also the best man moment and the line about men crazy enough to take on the crawley siblings having to stay together,,, oh i love them

the way in s3 e4 robert straight up says he’s anti catholic… bff be fr maybe he does deserve the hate he gets

“ireland cannot prosper until this savagery is put away” bro has never read an english history book ever

episode 5 is literally evil i don’t have anything else to say other than sybil is an absolute badass for her decisions on the child’s religion. also for giving birth in that NIGHTMARE of a house i mean SERIOUSLY the stress of all that arguing. i have nothing else to say it’s hard to type through tears.

also the way thomas breaks down in tears? vile my heart

ep 6… i know this isn’t the mood for this but every time tom defends his country and religion and culture… WHOOO LORD i love him in the beginning seasons, “my daughter is irish and she will be catholic like her father”

*protestant priest complaining about catholicism* “so is [god] not pleased by the population of france? or italy” I GIGGLED and the edith and mary bringing up other catholic countries and then matthew bringing up non christian countries and isobel bringing up the whole english empire i love this episode sm y’all have no idea

btw im not even this passionate about catholicism in general it’s just in this era ESPECIALLY catholicism is VERY tightly tied to the irish identity and struggle against english power

tom being so happy that sybil was okay with the baby being catholic im gonna start crying again

carson having a hard time believing catholics are loyal to the crown… im not even gonna start

alfred saying catholicism is weird and that he’s glad to be church of england and thomas merely replying with “really, and what do you feel about transubstantiation” I CACKLED

ID FORGOTTEN TOMS GRANDFATHER WAS FROM GALWAY OI OI OI WHOOOOO GAILLIMH ABU

it’s so funny focusing on the background in the servants hall bc when carson is handing out the letters and anna doesn’t have one, thomas and hughes are just having a fun lil conversation in the back like i want to see more of that familial/friendly dynamic SO BAD like WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT

this whole season makes me so viscerally uncomfortable w the thomas/jimmy dynamic im literally skipping at least 20 seconds an episode i think this is where “oh she’s funny” turned into “oh i hate you” over obrien like i can’t even think about it without feeling ill

o’brien using homophobia for personal agendas 😭

“you should be horsewhipped” “i don’t want a tour of your revolting world” carson is NEVER seeing the pearly gates

“i am not foul” WELL IM VIOLENTLY SOBBING

1. hughes 100% has a soft spot for thomas 2. “i’m afraid if i do mrs hughes, that it will shock and disgust you” i need to give this man a hug SO BAD

BATES DEFENDING THOMAS AGAINST JIMMY AND ASKING HIM WHY JIMMY HAS “to be such a big girls blouse about it” HELLPPP IM CRYING HES SO FUNNY people coming out the woodworks to defend thomas over this situation bc it’s bigger than his assholery is my fave bit

bates literally offering to take o’brien down for thomas and being so insistent bc he knows what it’s like to have life slip away :( god the two of them have SO MANY GOOD PARALLELS i know i sound like a broken clock but I WISH THERE WAS MORE FRIENDLY STAFF CONTENT

“i’m surprised to find that your a fan of oscar wilde” I GIGGLED

anna and bates literally sitting o’brien down to tell her off they literally look like thomas’s parents confronting his bully

also robert straight up saying all the boys in eton were gaying it up… 😭 his defense of thomas is also very interesting it seems to go beyond cricket

mrs hughes comforting tom about sybil :(

i’m rewatching downton (don’t look at me) and episode 3 of s1 has that moment moment where bates throws the brace off the lil dock and mrs hughes makes him promise to never again “try to cure [himself]” and all i can think about is the moment of solidarity or parallel we could’ve had between him and thomas when he tried to use the the electro shock treatment

[dougmeet]

Drake’s Inner Circle: A Lyrical Guide | Genius News 

We Bet You Can't Rhyme These 10 Words      Molly Pennington, PhD              6-7 minutes               You'll have to invent new words if you want to rhyme "orange"—or any of these. Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockMonthPoets must be really bummed out that no word rhymes with "month." It seems like the word "month" would come in handy for love poems that you need to write early in your relationship. As in, "I've dated you for almost a month/ Hanging out with you is lots of funth." That's just not romantic. If poetry's not your thing, try out some Valentine's jokes instead. Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockSilverNo wonder gold is worth more! Everything rhymes with it! Old, bold, told, sold. However, it's impossible to rhyme the word silver. Robert Frost penned his famous poem "Nothing Gold Can Stay" back in 1923. It starts like this: "Nature's first green is gold, /Her hardest hue to hold." Imagine if he'd tried it this way instead:" Nature's first green is silver/ Her hardest hue to de-lil-ver." See why poets prefer the word gold?Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockBulbBulb is such an excellent word, it's hard to believe it's doesn't have any word that rhymes with it. What is a poet supposed to use when they want to convey a great idea? "Above your head, a flashing bulb/ Great idea! You're no schlub." Except maybe you are, because "bulb" and "schlub" don't rhyme. No need for poetry when you have 17 light bulb jokes to make you sound smart.Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockWolfChances are, you're not going to need to come up with a rhyme for the word "wolf." "Golf" is not going to work and neither will "Ralph." If you really need to go for it, be like Duran Duran in their '80s hit "Hungry like the Wolf." Rhyme everything except the title and chorus! Look at how these rock star lyricists fake you out with almost-rhymes: "Burning the ground I break from the crowd" and "mouth is alive with juices like wine" and "strut on a line it's discord and rhyme." They left "wolf" alone. No rhymes needed!Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockWalrusRemember how the famous Beatles song "I am the Walrus" gets so trippy? Nothing rhymes with "walrus." Especially, "I am the egg man." If you're writing an ode to the ocean or any maritime love songs, go ahead and mention whales, fish, sharks, and seals. Plenty of rhyming choices there. Toss in some "goo goo g'joob"s. It worked for the Beatles! Check out these magical quotes from master lyricist Paul McCartney.Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockRhythmEver wonder why they call it "Rhythm and Blues," instead of "Blues and Rhythm?" Probably because nothing rhymes with rhythm, but so much rhymes with blues. Including lots of "oohs" if you're singing. It's pretty unfair that we don't have any words to rhyme with "rhythm" since you should have a strong sense of rhythm if you're writing poetry or song lyrics. Let's face it, they usually rhyme.Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockHusbandOne of the most important words ever rhymes with "wife." The word "life." (Also "strife.") But nothing rhymes with husband. What is going on with that, Cupid? "Roses are red, glad we're wed./ I love my husband/He's my dustbin . . . bunion . . . cummerbund." This is why we can't talk in verse in real life. Skip the poetry and get some sleep. Here are some ways that shut-eye makes for a happy marriage.Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockWomanShakespeare is a virtuoso of the English Language. In part because he always came up with a work-around for the fact that nothing rhymes with woman. Why aren't there any rhymes for woman? How did Shakespeare make it through all those love sonnets and romances without a rhyme for woman? It's not a surprise that he decided to compare his woman to a "summer's day?" And carry on about the "darling buds of May." It would have been tragedy to begin with: "This summer's day is like my woman/ Darling May buds are spicy as cumin." Ugh! Here's 21 everyday phrases invented by Shakespeare.Nicole Fornabaio/Rd.com, shutterstockPurpleThere are plenty of words that almost rhyme with "purple," but nothing takes the cake exactly. If you need to rhyme "purple" try "turtle." As in: "Roses are red, violets are purple. Stems are green and so is my turtle." Yikes. Better stick with blue violets or lilac. "Violets are lilac and so is my love shack." See? Plenty of other options. Check out these fun facts about purple and other colors.

[itkmoonknight]

ITK Newsletter, no. CXIV: LUNAR-PICK New Comic Review - Conan: Serpent War #1

OMG Loonies!

Can't believe it...forgot to release a newsletter last week! It only just occurred to me a few days ago....daaaannnng!

In any case, before we get into the juicy bits of this newsletter, I'm going to get it out of the way now - we'll be covering in our next episode a brand spanking, hot-off-the-press, crisp, steaming hot, clean, neatly folded new comic featuring Moon Knight...

PHASE OF THE MOON: BY CROM!

LUNAR-PICK New Comic Review - 

CONAN: SERPENT WAR #1

It seems like a long time between drinks, but yessiree, we'll be having a good ol' review on this new comic book for you in our upcoming episode. Not only will we have that, but we'll have a special guest on the show too.

He's the biggest Conan fan I know, and a right royal hoot - it's Dave Finn from The Signal of Doom Podcast and Dave will be on to give us a little primer on the character as well as join us in reviewing Serpent War. There are a couple of interesting Robert E. Howard characters too such as Solomon Kane and Dark Agnes which should make this mini an entertaining one.

We had a quick look at the preview for the issue in our last episode and although our reactions were a little lukewarm to the preview - hey, it kicks off with Moon Knight, so you can't go too wrong, right?......right?

ITK EXCLUSIVE ANNOUNCEMENT: WHAT THE FUTURE LIES

So, there's also a little something I'd like to share with you, and it'll be a new era for ITK. After careful deliberation, I'll be rolling out a Patreon Page in the new year to test the waters and see if the show can be self sustaining. I've been playing around with the idea of dropping the show down to every fortnight as opposed to every week, as much as it pains me to even consider. I love the show and I love producing it every week, but it all costs money to keep the lights on, and even though in the scheme of things, it isn't that much...the truth is that there are thing which I'd like to utilise my coin on. If the podcast can sustain itself, then it got me thinking - maybe it can open the doors to much, much more.

So, the last few days I've been creating a Patreon Page for ITK and it's pretty much done. I'll wait until the new year to roll it out, but I thought I'd let you know first in this here newsletter.

In fact this newsletter also will undergo a change.

In the new year, I'll be dropping back on writing a newsletter on a weekly basis and it will become part of the incentives for Patreons as a monthly newsletter.

...there's another reason for this, Loonies, bear with me...:)

In the ever changing landscape and drive to share Moon Knight with the world, ITK will collaborate with Wally Monk of Paint Monk's Library to write reviews of all Moon Knight's catalogue starting with Werewolf By Night #32!

So far, I've put my hand up to try and write the first eight appearances of Moon Knight but I've also sent out a post to all the Loonies to see if anyone is interested in undertaking the task.

Speaking with Wally, the Moon Knight articles will commence January 1st 2020, so I'm hoping to stockpile a big bunch of reviews to get us ahead of the game.

So with added writing duties, and with a Patreon Page looming, I've decided to reduce the newsletter to monthly. Which probably isn't a bad thing as it'll be action packed and have a heap of news and articles from the past month.

Having said all this, it's business as usual for ITK until the new year, so I'll be wrapping up this newsletter as we hurtle towards the end of the year!

SUPPORTING MY FAVOURITE PODCASTS

Seeing as now ITK are entering the Patreon world, it's no surprise that it's this very reason too, that I want to distribute me coin around. I love my podcasts (can you tell? :P) so I'm trying to support them not only by listening, but by also backing their Patreon Pages...so anyway, I just wanted to say this is partly the reason why I'm creating a Patreon Page, in the hope ITK can sustain itself, so I can support my favourite podcasts with the money in my own wallet! :)

FANTASY COMIC LEAGUE (FCL) - #ITKMOONKNIGHT 2019 - November Results

Well, it's the end of the penultimate month for this season's FCL and I'm just tickled pink! There seems to be quite the battle up the top of the overall leader board, but for this month alone, I was happy and relieved to come out on top. It'll boost my chances further with only one month to go...but what a wacky month it was!

As shown below, three Loonies ended up on 40 points (Tommy, Dustin and Chad), and they could only be split by looking at each player's MVP in their draft - 

So with the overall season tally, I think that leaves us as follows, with one more month to go - 

Rey - 7 pts

Tommy - 6 pts

Jason - 4 points

Dustin - 2 pts

Chad - 2 pts

It'll still be a race to the finish, but contenders such as Tommy, new comer Jason, and yours truly can really chop and change positions, all depending on how all of us (Dustin and Chad inclusive) perform and take out the month of December....exciting!

Due to good fortune, the #ITKMoonKnight Division is already locked into it's Season 3 commencing January 2020...for any Loonies keen on participating, NOW's the time to contact us at ITK and voice your interest! We can have multiple divisions if need be, but the first five (and depending if any of the current roster in the Division want to bow out) who want to play will get in for free...any subsequent divisions, it'll cost $16USD for a four month season (Jan-April 2020)!

RECOMMENDED PODCAST THIS WEEK!

I came across this podcast whilst investigating Patreon,a nd I just love what they do. Although they aren't part of The Collective, they could easily fit into our little group! Go check these guys out! 

Marveling at Marvel's Marvels (MatMM) - Episode 146: Multiple Man - Some of you know I'm a massive Multiple Man fan, so it's no surprise I chose this episode. It's not their latest episode (that, Episode 147 is all about Magneto), but it's still fun. Well worth listening to and I may even hit them up on Patreon!

CONTACT US!

Now's the time to send us feedback if you want to share your thoughts on the new series coming out this New Comic Book Day!

As always, there'll be Spoiler threads set up for you to drop your thoughts - just look at our Facebook Page or Group, and on Twitter or even Instagram..otherwise, there's a list below of where you can find us..

If you DON'T want your comments broadcast, please just add, "(DNB)" at the end of your comment, and we'll be sure not to broadcast it. We'll pick a few comments from here and discuss on the show!

Email: itkmoonknight@gmail.com

Podcast Page: http://intotheknight.libsyn.com

Facebook Page: Into the Knight - A Moon Knight Podcast

Facebook Group: Into the Knight - A Moon Knight Fan Base

Twitter: @ITKmoonknight

Discord ITK Server: ITK Server

GetVokl : Into the Knight Welcome Room

Ok, a bit of a long one, but there was plenty to write about!

Thanking you again one and all for all your support. 2020 will be another HUGE year for us, and let's hope we can see this lil podcast grow into something more and reach the potential it deserves!

Until then....

May Khonshu Watch Over the Denizens of the (K)Night,

Rey

Proud Member of The Collective

  Remember! You can buy your official ITK merchandise at ...ITK Store Front @ TeePublic

Check out this episode!

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/liev-schrieber-snl-sketches-ranked-dan-crenshaws-sick-pete-davidson-burn-robert-de-niros-epic-return/

Liev Schrieber 'SNL' Sketches Ranked: Dan Crenshaw's Sick Pete Davidson Burn, Robert De Niro's Epic Return

Pete Davidson put his foot in his mouth with a bad joke about Congressional candidate Dan Crenshaw’s eye patch last week on “Saturday Night Live,” so Crenshaw came back this week to get his revenge and did so in epic fashion.

As for the actual host, Liev Schreiber is not known as a funny man, as he readily admitted in his monologue, so most of the jokes were done around him and with him playing it very straight. And to his credit, he does that very well. The same goes for Robert De Niro, who dropped by as Robert Mueller again in a surprise cameo.

And for a guy known for very serious work, like “Ray Donovan,” Liev did manage to bring plenty of laughs to a mostly successful show. One sketch later in the night was so stupidly hilarious that almost no one involved in it could keep a straight face, and Liev lost it with Kate McKinnon in another.

The audience loves it when cast-members break, but these weren’t breaks in a way that derailed either sketch.

Elsewhere and as expected, “SNL” tackled the firing of Jeff Sessions, allowing Kate one more chance to shine, as well as the White House intern who became embroiled in the middle of the Jim Acosta scandal after his credentials were revoked and Sarah Huckabee Sanders released doctored footage of his exchange with the intern as evidence to justify the decision.

As usual, we’re ranking all the sketches from worst to first, including the Cold Open and the regular “Weekend Update” segments. We’ll skip the musical guests, because they’re not usually funny – unless Ashlee Simpson shows up. We wrap up with a look at the cast-member who had the strongest week.

MONOLOGUE – Liev Schreiber

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Liev Schreiber came out with a monologue about how he is not particularly known for being funny, which he thinks is great because it’s all about “managing expectations.” He also appeared to be very nervous, stumbling over several lines along the way. Or maybe it’s because, as he pointed out, he said more words in this monologue than in the entire fifth season of “Ray Donovan.” So don’t fault this sketch for sitting at the bottom as it wasn’t supposed to be funny. It was to manage expectations and praise the more than 100 million people who voted in a midterm election.

The Poddys

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So this was a weird premise, a podcast awards show celebrating the most jarring transition into an advertisement and white women who are where they don’t belong. Liev Schreiber had fun as Michael Barbaro, stammering and stuttering his way through the nominees alongside Cecily Strong’s Sarah Koenig before Alex Moffat came out and owned an impression of Marc Maron. And they did nominees, shots to the audience and acceptance speeches, so the commitment to the premise was all in. Oh, and did we mention this was weird. Not even sure if it was funny, but man was it weird.

Outside the Women’s Bathroom

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Another weird sketch, this one featured Liev Schreiber filming a pilot for a talk show outside a women’s bathroom. It was mostly cringe humor, save for when Leslie Jones walked out and stared him down. She didn’t even have to save a word. While Liev messed up his lines a few times, it’s easy enough to pretend it was part of the character … but we know it wasn’t. For the most part, none of this ultimately came together as a successful sketch, but it did have a few memorable moments and funny bits, including Heidi Gardner as his poor date, abandoned at the table so he could film. But yeah, odd stuff.

Paranormal Experience

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We’ve seen this countless times, but it’s always worth seeing what ridiculous things Kate McKinnon’s trashy character had to endure, this time as it relates to ghosts. She compared Cecily Strong and Liev Schreiber’s stories to “Ghost” while hers was more “Beetlejuice.” And it was every bit as stupid and awful as we predicted. Oh, and she totally found a way to harass the guest, grinding her bottom on Liev’s chest as he tried to hide his laughter. At some point, these are going to stop being so funny, but so long as Kate keeps coming up with new rhyming ways to describe her frontside and backside, we’ll be there … a bit uncomfortable, but there.

Unity Song

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In a country divided, the cast came together to unite under all the things they dislike together. Because if there’s one thing modern Americans are good at, it’s bitching and complaining. As for the list, it includes the words “moist” and “crotch,” airplane pilots who say too much when there’s nothing going on and nothing when there’s too much going on and the damned chip reader sound. So yeah, they pretty much nailed this one. And you know what? We do feel better.

Booty Kings

[embedded content]

Future returned for this one, joining Chris Redd and Kenan Thompson as the Booty Kings with Uncle Butt (Pete Davidson) and Lil Wayne. It’s a typical hip-hop song about dat booty, but it’s also about consent and Time’s Up. What a bizarre combination, but with sharp writing it had wit and heart. We love the women in the club (Ego Nwodim and Melissa Villasenor) stunned that the guys are respecting their boundaries. At the same time, it’s sad that this was so funny because it’s so unexpected that guys can be decent in this scenario. We still laughed, though.

COLD OPEN – Jeff Sessions

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It was an inevitable as sunset, but still appropriate that Kate McKinnon got to say farewell to her brilliant take on Jeff Sessions in the cold open. “Goodbye trusty Bible,” she said as packing up her awful. “I justified a lot of bad things with this book.” As he packed, he was visited by Sarah Huckabee Sanders (Aidy Bryant), Mike Pence (Beck Bennett), and even Eric (Alex Moffat) and Don Jr. (Mikey Day). In a closing surprise, Robert Mueller (Robert De Niro) dropped by for a final farewell. The whole thing was more of a bizarrely touching tribute to her performance, with plenty of possum jokes and just brilliance from McKinnon for what’s hopefully not the last time.

Weekend Update

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First up, Colin Jost and Michael Che broke down the midterms, with Jost quickly tempering the left’s enthusiasm by reminding them Trump still control everything except the House, including the media, space, time and our ability to perceive reality. Che gave it up to Stacy Abrams taking on a white man in Georgia in a runoff election where he’s also in charge of the election. “That’d be like taking on LeBron [James] at home where he’s also the ref. It’s an uphill battle to say the least.”

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And then, in a brilliant little parody, Cecily Strong showed up as the White House intern who tried to take Jim Acosta’s mic and she proved just as disruptive here. And then they doubled down on the intern story with their own doctored video in response to the one Sarah Huckabee Sanders showed to justify revoking Acosta’s press credentials. We think this one is more believable.

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The guys then moved on to other topics, with their won funny reason Justice Ginsburg broke three ribs, and calling new acting Attorney General Michael Whitaker a Michael Chiklis (“The Shield”) impersonator.

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Dan Crenshaw dropped by “Weekend Update” to confront Pete Davidson directly after last week’s poorly-received joke comparing Crenshaw to a pirate in a porno. And boy, he didn’t have to say anything to shade Pete in the most epic way possible. It’s all in the ringtone. Damn!

House Hunters

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Liev Schreiber and Leslie Jones were the couple trying to decide between all the houses they’d looked at and if you love how ridiculous this show is but wish it were even more ridiculous, this is the sketch for you. We loved the gas stove in the middle of the bed, and the fenced in backyard for Liev’s sister to run around in. Oh, and did he mention his man cave? He definitely wants his man cave. They absolutely nailed it with this one. Now the actual show will just be a letdown.

Brotherly Love

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Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney portrayed two grade-school brothers struggling to impress the neighbors. Let’s see, Liev Schrieber was their father who kept a garden hose in the house to hose them down when they got too rowdy and that was always. Beck and Kyle were so into these roles that the rest of the cast couldn’t even keep it together as their antics got more over-the-top and stupid.

Good Day Denver

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Reporter Cecily Strong accidentally referred to Mikey Day and Alex Moffat as the “incest” twins rather than the “invest” twins. That’s the catalyst for this whole thing, but anything that gives us the great comedic chemistry of Day and Moffat together is worth it. Everything they said was double entendres and really creepy with the graphic “Incest Twins” below them in this news segment parody. And they went pretty far down this particular rabbit hole and every bit of it worked. Clever writing, top-notch commitment from everyone equals a disturbingly funny sketch.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

While Mikey Day, Kyle Mooney and Beck Bennett turned in some amazing work it came down to veterans Kate McKinnon and Cecily Strong this week. McKinnon treated us to another brilliant Jeff Sessions and her ghost story was both terrifying and– well, it was just terrifying.

But we’re going to have to give the edge to Cecily Strong, who pantomimed beautifully as the White House intern, and kept things moving during the “incest” sketch as well as embodying a wholly different vibe with her ghost story, as well as anchoring the “Unity” song and mostly keeping it straight in the brothers sketch.

I will take arguments for Kate, though, as this was easily one of the tightest battles of the season and she had two very strong sketch appearances on a more balanced night across the cast.

“Saturday Night Live” returns next week with host Steve Carell and musical guest Ella Mai at 11:35 p.m. et on NBC.

Got a story or a tip for us? Email TooFab editors at tips@toofab.com.

View Photos Getty All The Barely-There Looks From the 2018 Victoria’s Secret After Party

Source: http://toofab.com/2018/11/11/saturday-night-live-liev-schrieber-snl-dan-crenshaw-davidson-robert-de-niro-sessions-acosta/

[asagimeta]

Jumping on the Skrull related bandwagon...

I know everyone has heard the Skrull theories by now but I was typing up this email to my mom and it got long so I decided why the hell not? I might as well post it (Warning: *Because* it's an email to my mom I didn't exactly take care in wording or add screencaps or .. you know... refrain from rehashing the information everyone already knows, so take with a spoon of understanding before reading)

So, we have some important MCU related news, Captain Marvel (wich will come out in November 2018) is going to introduce the Skrulls to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, wich means there's a more than likely chance that someone we know in Marvel- one of our heros- is a Skrull, these things are the main villains of Captain Marvel, wich takes place in the 1990s and before Nick Fury lost one of his eyes, we have a bit of a Wonder Woman thing going on here, because why was Captain Marvel around fighting in the 90s but yet hasn't made an appearance so far in all of these big battles? Where has she been? Unless they give her "We fucked up" logic like poor Wonder Woman and decide to make her sit out by choice for the last thirty or so years, the only explanation is that something happened to her, wich means that either the Captain Marvel the movie introduces is going to be the Skrull (wich ... for Marvel's first female lead superhero movie... would be the most gigantic kick in the nuts you could imagine and I don't think Marvel is really THAT stupid) or, much more likely, someone we know and love is the Skrull agent that defeated her and is responsible for locking her up/holding her captive somewhere.... until the upcoming films when she assumingly breaks free or gets released to help out in Infinity Wars Part 2, here's what we know (or atleast, what we think we know)

Infinity Wars Part 1 will be released in May of 2018- this is when Thanos goes crush-crush on all of our heros and possibly kills someone (who might just be the Skrull, wouldn't THAT be something? We get this big, emotional death scene, everyone crowds around the body and oh look it's a green alien! Where has the REAL hero been for the last thirty years!?)

Antman And The Wasp will be released in July of 2018- As Antman isn't *properly* an Avenger yet and we don't actually have confirmation that he'll be in Infinity Wars to my recollection, this could be something of a side story explaining where he is and how he gets into Infinity Wars part 2

Captain Marvel will be released in November of 2018- This is when the Skrulls will be the main antagonists, wich would fit in almost perfectly with Infinity Wars in terms of pace and timing (you know, if you sort of sweep Antman under the rug, get it?? ANTman under the rug? Nevermind) This would be the perfect time to explain why one of our heros was revealed in Infinity Wars part 1 to be a Skrull.... or..... could reveal them as a Skrull here, during a flash-forward in Captain Marvel (much like how Wonder Woman flashed forward from the 1900s to present day at the end, wow, Captain Marvel is really licking up to Wonder Woman isn't it?) wich could reveal Captain Marvel escaping/being released from her imprisonment and identifying the Skrull either by name or flat-out unmasking them, leading into....

Infinity Wars Part 2, wich will be released in May of 2019- There has to be a reason Marvel is skipping their 2019 winter film (Marvel usually releases Febuarary/March - May - July - November and repeat every year, yet in 2019 we go straight from November to May with no winter release, why? We know there won't be one, Phase Three is set, the next movies in line are listed as "Phase 4" wich starts in July 2019 with Spiderman's sequel) Most likely they want the Skrull reveal to lead straight into Infinity Wars Part 2, meaning the Skrulls will be another enemy to fight along with Thanos

Here's the thing, Infinity Wars Part 2 rounds out Marvel's "Phase 3", and is "The end of the Marvel universe as we know it" according to Marvel themselves, everyone has been assuming that that's because someone big like Iron Man or Captain America will die because in the comic books they do- in the comic books everyone dies ... and ... most of them are brought back to life but that's not the point- alot of MCU actors end their contracts with Infinity Wars, including but not limited to:

Captain America Iron Man Thor Loki Hawkeye

Now this doesn't mean that all of these guys are going to dissappear- Robert Downey Jr. has upped his contract TWICE already, for example, and it doesn't mean that the others are safe, Scarlett Johanson's contract is one of the loosest of all of them because she keeps "upping her contract" without letting it rest like the others do, apparently going more movie-by-movie than solid blocks at a time, for example, but this is still relevant to note; people like The Winter Soldier, The Hulk, and all of the Guardians from Guardians Of The Galaxy *are*, however, locked in for movies post Infinity Wars and are thus pretty much safe

Two things are possible with a potential Skrull agent hiding in plain sight:

1. The perfect fake-out death; one of our heros is killed by Thanos as we all suspect they will be, we're left to chew on that until Captain Marvel when it's revealed that they were actually a Skrull all along and the REAL hero has been in a Skrull prison all this time, this would be a "great" way to trick audiences with someone like Captain America who's contract DOES end with Infinity Wars Part 1 and is top of the list of suspected deaths, this could be Marvel playing on our suspicions and renewing Chris Evans' contract secretly until after Captain Marvel is released, whereby Captain America will be "renewed" and essentially confirms himself to come back in future films

2. The perfect way to release an actor without killing the charector; let's keep using Cap for our example because he's easiest to work with, if they reveal Captain America to have been a Skrull all this time (a now very dead Skrull) they leave the door open for one of two things: 1. A recasting, letting Chris Evans out of his contract wile not killing Steve Rogers and setting up something of a Captain America reboot with a new actor where the goal is for Cap's besties (Winter Soldier, Falcon, Black Widow, and possibly Iron Man because he's in everything) to search for the REAL Cap, or 2. A looser contract that still keeps Chris Evans as Captain America but allows him some time off to pursue the other projects he wants to do, having the "Where is the real Cap?" mystery for the majority of Phase 4 would allow Chris to take a break and do some other projects without actually releasing him from the sheild and finding the real Captain America could be a subplot during Phase 4, leading to the last film in the set (some cheesy named "Captain America: Rise Of The First Avenger" or whatever) to reintroduce Cap into the MCU after a roughly 2-3 year long abscence, this new Cap would KEEP Chris' contract loose because he would have the excuse of recovering from his Skrull-related experiences to not tag along in some of the Avengers related adventures during Phase 5 as well, by the time  Phase 5 is done it's highly possible that the majority of the Avengers will have to be recast due to age anyhow, or Chris will have settled down, slowed his roll a little, and decided to committ more strongly to Captain America as he'll be older and might not be looking to pursue as many new opportunities- or they might just sideline alot of the original Avengers and keep ALL of their contracts to something like one movie every two years or some such because of all the new blood we're getting right now with folks like Doctor Strange and Antman to concentrate on

Here's the thing, the Skrull could be ANYONE- and I do mean anyone, it could be Ironman, it could be Captain Marvel, Nick Fury, even lil' Spiderman, that's just what Skrulls *do*, the ONLY ones who I think are more or less off the board for possible Skrullness are Thor and Loki, Loki is already a shapeshifting trickster who's faked his death twice (and surely will a third time in Thor: Ragnarok because it's almost a tradition by now) and to make him a Skrull would be the absolute ultimate in cheap, lazy, and stupid, because there's absolutely no benefit to it, why make that a thing when Loki is just a better, prettier, more powerfull and fun-time version of a Skrull anyway in terms of powers? And he's a villain, wich would make the reveal not only useless but... well... double useless, the idea is shock and emotion, revealing a villain to be.... another villain is just senseless, Thor *could* be in the same sense that the neighbor's dog *could* be, it'd certainly be a surprise but it wouldn't make much sense because, again, of Loki, it would just feel cheap to make one half of a trickster duo another trickster, it wouldn't make much sense for Ragnarok (why would a Skrull continue to impersonate Thor on a war planet instead of, you know, escaping?) and it would just be ... odd, Thor fell ass backwards into the Avengers in the first place, there'd be virtually no advantage to impersonating him and given that he was sent to Earth as punishment from Odin to begin with the only way for it to even KIND OF make sense is if the Skrull started impersonating him during The Dark World wich, again, due to Loki, would feel incredibly cheap and useless- as an aside, I feel kind of certain that Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth will renew their contracts, they don't have to fill as many commitments as, say, Ironman and Captain America, and they both seem to love their roles dearly, I'm not too worried about them

Our most likely Skrull agents in my opinion are people intimately involved with the S.H.E.I.L.D. organization such as Ironman, Nick Fury, Captain America, Agent Carter (Peggy's granddaughter, Emily Vancamp's charector), Captain America, Hawkeye, maaaaaybe Black Widow although I still feel that one is unlikely, etc etc, because a Skrull would have the most to gain from impersonating these people and infiltrating a massive government organization that often has international ties, I actually would kind of like if it was Peggy's granddaughter, that would be really out of the blue and shocking, not very heart-wrenching, but shocking all the same, and it'd make considerable sense, we don't know much about her but because she's Peggy's granddaughter we (and Cap) instantly trust her, she works inside S.H.E.I.L.D and gets along with the Avengers, especially Cap himself.... it's a nice, clean, fit but I think they might be shooting for someone higher on the food chain, I don't have a solid guess in all honesty because I can find a bunch of reasons for and against pretty much everyone in The Avengers besides Thor and Loki, but it's something to keep an eye out for

When Infinity Wars begins, don't just fear for the LIVES of your favorite heros, fear for their IDENTITIES as well....