#as if leon points to command him

[desertsportshipping]

What if the red string of fate was tied around your neck like a collar and the person on the other end was horrified to be holding it like a leash?

Masterpost - Ko-Fi

[praisethegabs]

OLDER

leon kennedy x reader

synopsis: he's getting older, and he knows that. not believing in luck or in love, leon finds himself in a position of complete misfortune. he convinced himself he's not worthy of love, but that changes when he meets you.

warnings: angst with fluff ending, age gap, leon is very insecure about his age and the reader. strangers to lovers, mentions of smut, ptsd, alcoholism, depression, suicidal thoughts. reader is very delicate, kind, and patient. there's parts from the vendetta book and a few scenes from re6. it starts with re6!leon and ends with di!leon

word count: 15k

a/n: guess who's back? to celebrate the 1 year re4r anniversary, I decided to post this one shot I was working for almost two months. I'm into my angst era again. also i wrote this based on this analysis i read, which made me think about the broken part of leon for a while, also this fic contains part of the vendetta book. feel free to leave comments, reblogs, tips, or positive critics. they're always very welcome ❤️

I. THE WEIGHT ON HIS SHOULDERS

Life can be a bitch sometimes.

This is what he says to himself when he finishes another bottle of whiskey. Every day, when he opens his eyes, he tries to stay positive, hoping his day will be different from his usual schedule; in the end, it is always the same bullshit. Over and over again. No apparent ending; always his solitude. 

But someday it must end, right? He can’t be fighting B.O.W.'s for the rest of his life, can he? Maybe someday he’ll finally settle down and have a peaceful day. Maybe, on this day, his nightmares will stop, and if he’s lucky, he’ll sleep for the entire night. No one can blame him for dreaming of a perfect life, and no one can take this from him. 

The government made him their slave, their deadly pet that follows and obeys every rule and command, and forced him to risk his neck almost every week to keep their country safe. What a bunch of assholes, he thinks to himself. Thing is, Leon hates himself for what he was forced to become. 

There is so much pain. So much suffering. He only wanted to be a cop — nothing more than that. He wanted to deal with simple things — not bioterrorists ready to blow up the entire world, not grotesque mutations that defy the natural order of things. Certainly, if he had a choice to go back and change that night, he wouldn’t go to Raccoon City. He would've stayed in his cheap hotel room; he would have obeyed Marvin’s orders to not go in there. 

But now he’s something else. The rookie cop who had to survive that night died. He can’t even recognize himself anymore, and sometimes, he blames himself for it. No more than he blames the government for it; if he could go back… 

His days are filled with this emptiness — the sensation that he might never see his happy ending. Ada? Yeah, sure. He knows he can’t trust her, and God knows where she is or what she’s doing. He was so naive to fall for her like he did. While on his free day out of the office, he finds himself with a certain envy of happy couples. He can’t stop thinking: why can’t he have the same? Why can’t he be happy for once?

Getting older sucks. At this point, Leon thinks and has already convinced himself that he doesn’t belong to anyone and that he won’t be able to have someone. To experience love and being loved, he wants to be wanted. He’s getting older and still doesn't have anyone by his side. That’s the price he pays for having this life, and he still blames the government for taking it from him. He doesn’t remember the last time he actually felt something for someone, and at this moment of his life, it doesn’t matter to him anymore. Leon had already accepted the fact that he'd die alone. Maybe he’ll get a cat to keep him company. Since he’s not much of a dog person since Raccoon City, maybe he’ll name her a cute name; who knows? That’s probably the closest he’ll get to having something waiting for him at home. 

Leon doesn’t remember the last time he actually felt happy. Since Raccoon City, he doesn't know what happiness means, and sometimes, on very rare occasions, he envies people around him. He feels like his entire life has no purpose and no meaning, and he’s completely faded to emptiness, to a sad existence based on killing bioweapons and serving his country. Does he feel proud about it? No, he doesn’t. 

It’s been a very long time since Leon felt pride. That feeling died and is now buried in the remains of Raccoon City, inside that police station where his life turned upside down. Now he’s only an empty shell of what he used to be. He’s rotting inside, craving something he knows he can’t have, and there’s nothing but a void inside him, consuming every inch of him. 

After serving his country for years, he started to get used to the idea that maybe he wasn’t made for a happy ending, and he shouldn’t bother with such things. He can’t afford the luxury of being with someone, because it means being vulnerable, and it also means he would have to open himself to things he swore he would never feel again. No, thank you. 

Things at work aren’t exactly the best, either. Years ago, Leon started to question himself about whether the government cared about their people, especially the ones he had to kill in order to save others. Leon couldn’t forget what happened in Spain — the entire village he was forced to end so he wouldn’t die. Perhaps they could’ve saved them; possibly they could’ve had a chance; maybe if… and this is where he dozes off thinking about the infinite possibilities. 

After what happened in Raccoon City, Leon knew he had lost faith. He knew things would never be the same after everything he saw that day. Sometimes, he finds himself thinking about Annette and William Birkin. He feels his body shivering when he remembers he had to fight for his life, clinging to something bigger than him. Survival. 

II. RINSE AND REPEAT

He has no social skills, and doesn't know how to interact with people anymore. It all feels weird and uncomfortable, and it makes him feel terrible. Sometimes he feels like he’s stuck in time and can’t have a proper conversation with someone normal. The worst part of his life is that he feels he’s carrying a weight on his shoulders that it wasn’t supposed to be his in the first place. He has the weight of the world with him, and there is no one to help him through it. Life made him depressed, cold and distant. Life has built him this way; he's shaped himself into something he’s not, and he can’t find himself. He’s lost. 

Leon can’t stop having nightmares about Raccoon City.

At this point, he just accepted that they wouldn't go away. It feels like he’s trapped inside his own mind, and there’s no turning back. Sometimes at night, he keeps looking at his ceiling imagining a different life, where he was a cop and happy. Usually, his nightmares are so dark and deep that when he wakes up, he finds solace in the sunlight, feeling relieved that he survived another night. When he doesn't sleep, when he’s too scared to close his eyes, he cries quietly, protected by the walls of his room, searching for assurance and a promise that everything will be fine. It doesn’t always work, but now he knows he can control his fears, and somehow, it helps him feel safe.

This time, his mission nearly got him killed. His entire body was full of bruises and wounds, and every part of him hurt. He felt his body swallowing a little, and he felt terrible again. He has blood under his nails, and he washes himself at least three times to make sure there’s nothing more on him than the burden of being a slave for the government.

Leon is paranoid; he can’t stand the fact that he has blood on his hands. If he sees a spot, he’ll clean it until there’s nothing left, and maybe he’s now too obsessed with the idea of being clean. It makes him feel sick to the bones, because he knows what he does and what it means. He knows that this guilt won’t be washed away like the blood on his hands, and certainly won’t get away from his head like it does from his clothes whenever he launders them. It’s a pretty shitty routine, but he’s used to it. 

Now he finds himself in a very dark place; he can’t eat without feeling guilty. He can’t do the basics of his chores because he can’t stop thinking about his life, regretting every decision he made. Everything he does seems mechanical, like he’s repeating the process over and over again, a perfect killing machine that has no one to care about. On Fridays, he finds himself sitting on his couch, in complete silence, holding an empty bottle. He knows he can’t drown himself in alcohol, no matter how much he wants it or how tempting it sounds, because the liquid doesn’t affect him anymore. It doesn't make the pain go away or silence the horrors he saw during his life. 

After three weeks inside his house, locked inside his room, Leon woke up with a strange feeling inside his chest. Something was telling him that this day would be different, like a big change would happen. For the first time in weeks, he decided to leave his place for a simple walk. He could do that; he could walk into the market and buy some real food or maybe get a haircut. He felt that he was able to allow himself to have an ordinary day. 

After taking a long shower, Leon decided to wear cozy and comfortable clothes. He was so used to his brutal routine that he almost forgot what it was like to have a normal day, but this time, he was willing to try something different. He took a deep breath before leaving his house, and when he felt the soft, cold breeze reaching his skin, he knew he could do that.

Step by step, Leon found himself walking towards the market, even enjoying the lovely view he had from his neighborhood. He doesn’t remember it to be so… gray. Sure, he knows what winter is, but he doesn’t remember the last time he actually stayed at his home during the winter. His lips turn into a small smirk, and he thinks how silly he is. When he reaches the small market, which is more of a store, he walks slowly, looking at what he might be buying - he’s done with frozen food. He stops at the veggie section and keeps looking at it, confused. 

“These aren’t fresh” a sweet voice is enough to wake him up from his trance. He looks in that direction, and all he sees is you.

“How can you tell that?” he asks you in visible confusion, which makes you smile. And that smile was enough to sparkle something oddly inside him. 

“Color, smell, texture,” you explained, still smiling and showing him a fresh vegetable. “This one is fresh."

"Thanks,” Leon replied awkwardly, taking the vegetable from your hand and placing it in his basket.

“You don’t come here very often. I know almost everyone who comes to buy food here,” you said next, glancing at him with curiosity. 

“I… have a busy schedule,” he says, still sounding awkward.

“Really? Well, you should definitely take some time to buy healthy food. I’m pretty sure you do a lot of workouts to keep your body in shape” you giggle, noticing the size of his muscles, which makes his face turn red.

“I’ll keep that in mind” Leon managed to say, although he wanted to dissipate from Earth.

“I can help with that” you suddenly said, analyzing him more carefully.

“With what?” Leon frowned, already feeling his heart beating ten times faster.

“I noticed you’re having difficulty with your right arm, which makes me think you got it hurt. If you’re planning to buy more, I can help with your bags” you offered, very polite and kind, catching him by surprise. 

“Thanks” Leon says, finding himself smiling, which is unusual. 

At first, having some company after so much time alone made him think it was strange. He wasn’t feeling ready to have a small conversation, but you didn’t seem bothered. In fact, you were enjoying walking to this stranger's house in complete silence. Fifteen minutes later, you were in front of his house in an awkward silence between the two of you. 

“I guess this is it” you smiled at him, and Leon found himself lost in your smile. 

“Yeah. Thank you” he said for the fifth time, which made you giggle a little. 

“Anything for a customer” you said to him, giving him his bags. “My parents are the owners, so…”

“You don’t seem too old” he said, and after a second, he felt more weird. “I mean…”

“Nah, it’s ok. This isn’t the first time people say I'm younger than I look”. You smiled again, thinking that this old man was very silly and cute. “I’m 25, don’t worry”

“I’m Leon, by the way” He finally says his name to you, stretching his hand in a very educated way.

“Nice to meet you, Leon” you said before shaking his hand. 

Leon took at least three weeks to return to the market. 

His initial thoughts about you were that he definitely felt weird in your presence. Maybe he felt that way because of his lack of social skills and because he really sucks when the subject is social conversation. He caught himself thinking too hard about the visual and evident contrast between the two of you; you were young, bright and smart, with a great future ahead of you, and plus, you came from a loving family. Leon, on the other hand, was an orphan used and abused by the government, their pet and a man who only knew pain and brutality. 

However, you were the first friendly face he saw after years. The way you were smiling and giggling at his awkward answers, it definitely made him feel something he thought he would never feel again. It was like you found the rookie cop inside him, and despite the fact that he barely said something, he felt normal around you. And that was more than enough. How could it happen so fast? 

“How can I help you?” you said before noticing it was him. “Oh, hi” 

“Hi” Leon is welcomed by that smile of yours. “I… um…”

“You came to buy more veggies?” you ask, still smiling at him. You think it’s cute to see him without any words. 

“No… I just came because I’m looking for food seasoning” Leon said, his face slightly turning red. “I’m trying new recipes, so…” 

“Yeah? What have you been trying?” you ask with sudden enthusiasm, leading him to the part with seasonings. 

“Nothing too risky” he answers vaguely, following you closely.

“What kind of seasonings do you like?” You turn back to face him as you show him the shelves with different types of seasonings. 

“I’m more into spicy flavors” Leon tells you, his attention going to the shelves. 

“It suits you” you said, giving him some space. You saw him smiling again. 

"How does spicy seasoning suit me?” he asks with a hint of curiosity. 

“You might think I’m weird, but… seeing from outside, you look like someone with a rough agenda and, apparently, whatever you do is dangerous. Personally, I think you suit perfectly spicy things” you said, hoping it would make sense. 

“I think I got your point,” Leon said, and then he found himself smiling for the second time. 

“Lucky me, right?” you laugh, walking back to the cashier. “Is this all for today?”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” Leon nods, grabbing his wallet to pay for the seasonings. 

“How’s your arm?” you ask, taking his money and counting it. 

“It's better. I had to take a few painkillers, but it’s definitely better” he said, avoiding you for a few moments. 

“That’s great. I know a few herbs to help with the pain” you said, giving him the change from his purchase. 

“How so?” Leon asks with another hint of curiosity. 

“A great sorcerer doesn’t reveal her secrets” you wink playfully at him. “You need to earn that, soldier” 

“And how could I earn your secrets, great sorcerer?” Leon asks, enjoying your playful mood. 

“Maybe you can invite me for dinner and show me your cooking skills” you shake your shoulders and, for the second time, catching him by surprise. 

“You would love that, wouldn't you?” Leon said, and a slight smirk appeared on his lips. 

“Who knows?” You wink playfully at him, with another suggestive smile on your lips. 

The world has gone to hell, Leon thinks to himself. 

He starts to contemplate everything that has happened to him. When did this madness begin? It was back in Raccoon City? Oh, no. It is way older than that. Maybe his collapse started when his family died, and he was left an orphan; what happened in Raccoon City wasn’t really the beginning of his nightmare. It was the cherry on top of the torments that would become his life. 

Now that he’s coming back home from another mission, he can’t stop thinking how his life could’ve been if Umbrella had never happened. If those bioweapons were never created, defying every natural order. He looks outside his window, and he just can’t stop blaming himself for Tall Oaks. 

What has become of this world? Leon thinks. Where did I go wrong? 

His life is an entire mistake. It just goes on and on. His family first, then Raccoon City. Tricell, Los Illuminados, Uroboros and, finally, that nightmare at Tall Oaks. Leon takes a deep breath. He feels his hands shaking and closes his eyes, forcing himself to forget. How silly he is!

The future is a hell that’s only getting worse. 

III. THE PAIN OF REMEMBERING

You weren't expecting Leon to find the note with your number that you left on his seasonings, the same way you weren't expecting him to call you.

However, something about him got your attention the minute he stepped foot inside the store. He wasn't like anything you had seen before; he was definitely something else. 

After almost four weeks since the last time you saw him, you got a call from an unknown number. It was pretty late at night, but your curiosity won the battle within you, and you had to pick up the phone. With a groggy voice of sleep, you saw the number and frowned.

“Hello?” You ask, followed by a big yawning. It was one in the morning. 

“Hi… um, it's Leon” he says with some urgency, to which you jump from your bed. “I'm sorry to wake you up” 

“No, don't worry. I wasn't sleeping” you lied, forcing yourself not to yawn again. 

“I know it's late, but… I was thinking about that dinner…” he says, sounding somehow hopeful. “Maybe you could come later and… talk?” 

“Yeah, sure. Can you pick me up?” You ask him, and a smile appears on your lips as you answer him. 

“Of course. At seven?” 

“At seven, it is,” you smiled again. 

As soon as the call ended, he was in complete shock. For some reason, Leon felt you wouldn’t accept his invitation, especially after being alone for so long. His heart was beating faster inside his chest, and he had to remind himself that it was just a casual date between… two friends? Could you possibly be his friend? 

Leon felt anxious, something he only felt when he was on his missions. 

Suddenly, the mere thought of having you at his home with him sounded terrifying. He felt like it would end in a complete disaster, and you wouldn’t see him ever again. Then, Leon had to stop and calm himself down, knowing it was his trauma trying to get the best of him. After everything he went through in his life, being able to trust someone proved to be a difficult task. He felt scared, and his mind was racing with thousands of different thoughts, each worse than the other. 

Betrayal is the word that defines Leon. 

He was betrayed before and multiple times, which left him with a lot of insecurities and traumas to the point he feels that he can’t trust anyone, which led to another set of insecurities. Leon feels that he isn’t enough anymore, that he can’t provide the proper attention someone might need from him, and that he can’t be in a relationship because of his problems. The truth is, he can’t be in a relationship until he leaves his trauma behind, and he knows it. That’s the easy part, but the hard one is how to let it go. 

Later that day, Leon finally had the courage to clean his house. He needed some motivation to get rid of his depression, and nothing was better than finally allowing himself to have some company besides his solitude. His house smelled pretty good, everything was clean, and his furniture was even shining. He opened the curtains, and the sunlight entered his living room. He took a deep breath with the fresh air that came inside, and smiled, feeling somehow proud and happy. 

At seven, you were waiting outside the store, scrolling through your phone, when you saw Leon approaching on his motorcycle. You were gorgeous, wearing a beautiful dress and covered by a black leather jacket — the perfect contrast that suited you well. Leon was completely mesmerized by the sight of you - so beautiful, he thought. 

“Hey, there” you waved at him as he parked next to you. 

“Hi,” Leon replies, sounding embarrassed. “You look beautiful”

“You too, handsome” you said playfully, taking the helmet from his hand and sitting behind him, your hands holding him tight. You didn’t notice the small blush on his cheeks. 

"Are you okay back there?” Leon asks you, making sure you were fine before starting the engines. 

“Yeah, I’m fine” you said, nodding your head, and smiling when he started to drive his bike to his place. 

You two didn’t take long enough to reach his place. Leon offered you his hand so you had support to get out of his bike, and he even opened the front door for you. He led you inside his house, and everything inside was enough to show you the kind of man he was; his home was big, but simple. He had a lot of comfort there, but it seemed like he didn't spend much time at his place. You saw some photos at the fireplace, a few when he was younger, at some training camp with his possible friends. 

“How old were you when you took these?” you asked him with curiosity. 

“I was twenty-one” he said, grabbing the wine and the glasses. 

“So young” you whispered, noticing that in some pictures, he was sad. 

Leon took another deep breath. Why did this have to be so difficult? Why couldn’t he be just normal for once? Why did everything have to happen to him? You were standing there, so gracefully, observing his old photographs, so young and full of life, with no baggage with you. Someone actually happy and alive. If you knew how much he envies this. 

“People say that our eyes are the windows to our soul” you turn to face him, noticing his sudden silence. “Yours are so sad and broken… what happened to your neck?”

Instinctively, his hand reaches his neck, and Leon feels the bandage perfectly secured on his skin, with a small spot of blood. Gladly, it was enough to change the subject, because he was shocked enough by what you said about his broken soul. If you only knew. 

“I, um… got hurt on my job. It’s nothing.” Leon tries to avoid speaking about his past. 

“It seems pretty bad” you step closer to him, your hand gently touching his bandage. 

“It’s nothing… trust me” Leon smiles weakly, looking down. His heart is beating so fast inside his chest that he could explode any time. “I’m fine” 

“Then explain why you are so nervous around me” you whispered, now softly touching his cheek. 

Leon felt he stopped breathing, like his lungs decided to leave him alone and deal with the matter himself; how powerful your touch felt. It was enough to break every wall he built around himself for years; it was enough to make him break. And it was only a soft and kind touch. He slowly closed his eyes, his breath becoming normal again, and he allowed himself to just feel it. 

“I don’t know what on earth happened to you…” your voice is full of kindness as you speak, now seeing him hold your hand as you keep touching his cheek. “But I’m always here if you decide to talk” 

Leon was reaching his breaking point. 

He was used to being a slave, always using his body, mind and soul to provide safety for the others without them knowing one damn thing about it; he was used to always being alone, to the point that kindness was a strange feeling, almost not existing at all and that he didn’t deserve it. But here you are. 

“It hurts to remember,” he confessed, his voice a low whisper. “I tried to forget it, but I can’t” 

When he felt you wrapping your arms around his body and your warmth embracing him, Leon felt his eyes getting wet. He was so deeply touch starved, craving something so human, that when he got it, he knew he was going to break. His mind was racing, and his body was trying to process the feeling and react in the proper way. He felt so many emotions at once that he thought he was going insane. 

“Please, keep holding me” Leon begs, his arms finding their way through your back as he hugs you back. “Because I know I’ll fall if you let me go” 

After that night, it took almost two months until Leon decided to show up at the store to see you again. He felt nervous, but at this point, he realized that, for some reason, he couldn’t stay away from you; he felt that you had some type of magnetism enough to keep him close, which made him feel comfortable, something he hadn't felt in a while. 

However, before he went to the store to see you, he needed courage. Leon thought you would be upset with him after being ghosted for almost two months, although he felt responsible for it, since he never told you the nature of his job or why he was so absent. Sadly, Leon was again in a spiral of sadness and depression. His last mission was a disaster, and Leon knew he had no control over his feelings again. He was sitting on his bed, contemplating the bottle in his hands. The curtains were closed, and the atmosphere inside his room was darker. He closes his eyes for a brief moment, and then, he’s there again. 

June 29, 2013. Tall Oaks, USA

“It might create more problems than it solves…” the voice of the president echoes inside his head as he points his gun towards the said person.

Leon doesn't recognize the man in front of him, or what he used to be. He keeps his gun raised, his grasp around the trigger getting tight by the second he makes his decision. His voice comes and goes, creating a tense atmosphere around him. 

“Bio-organic weapons are a global threat and we are partly to blame…” Benford said once to Leon when he expressed his desire to expose the truth about the Raccoon City Incident. He looks at the living corpse in front of him. Tick tack. He knows what he needs to do. “I’ve always valued your friendship, Leon… It’s time to take responsibility and end this mess” 

He shakes his head, somehow returning to his reality. 

“Stay right where you are!” Leon said, his voice sounding cracked and angry. The corpse starts walking towards him and as a reflex, his grip gets more tight. “Mr. President!” 

The zombie starts walking towards him and the woman next to him. He hesitates for a moment, unsure and sure about what he needs to do. Every part of him screams and begs, trying to find a solution. He knows it’s too late. He can’t save the president, he can’t save anyone. 

“Don’t make me do this” Leon gritted his teeth, trying to find any reason to avoid what needed to be done. It happens fast. Adam Benford, the former president of the United States and now a corpse, throws himself towards her. “Adam!” Leon screams.

He pulls the trigger. 

And there’s only blood. 

He gets out of his thoughts when he hears someone knocking on his front door. It doesn't take too long for him to finally stand up and see who’s there, and, inside his mind, he’s already preparing himself to tell this person to leave him alone, but his entire demeanor changes when he opens the door, and all he sees there is you. 

“You’re back” you smiled warmly at him, your cheeks red because of the cold temperature. “I wasn’t sure you were home” 

“What are you doing here?” Leon’s first question isn't as welcome as you thought it would be. 

“A friend can’t see a friend?” you answered simply, and the smile never left your lips. 

“I’m sorry” he sighs, giving you space to enter his place. “I didn’t mean to be rude” 

“Don’t worry” you said, removing your scarf and hat. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine, I guess” Leon nods slowly, and you notice he’s not entirely well. 

“Breakfast?” you ask him, wanting to confirm your suspicions, and he nods quietly. 

You had difficulty finding yourself inside his place, since you’ve been there only once. You notice that he’s quiet, and despite that fact, which is completely normal for him, you know that there’s something wrong. So, you decided to go simple with his breakfast. Almost forty minutes later, you came back with a plate full of pancakes, crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, and some orange juice. 

He leisurely used his knife and fork to eat the food you made. The careful manner in which he ate wasn’t due to his cautious nature, but rather because he had a terrible hangover that messed with his coordination, and rushing could easily lead to a slip of the hand and his shaking. Leon was a pretty man, and he could easily take on leading roles in Hollywood blockbusters. However, he currently sported a scruffy beard, exuded a weary atmosphere, and radiated fatigue and discontent. 

“I think I reached rock bottom,” Leon finally says, but he avoids your gaze at all costs. 

“Then I’ll help you get out of there” you said with kindness, your pinky finger interlocking with his. 

IV. GRIEF AND BARGAIN 

The path to healing isn’t always easy, and now Leon is aware of that. 

The year is now 2014 and he’s struggling to forget what happened a year ago. Sometimes, when his mind is quiet, he starts to wonder. Is it possible that there could have been a world without Umbrella and zombies? Leon scoffed and shook off his sweet dreams. A world without zombies? That's something from a long time ago. The future is only going to become a worse hell. Then, he has to remind himself about the great things he has in life. You are one of these things.

Although he has your support, he knows that he’ll only get better walking this path by himself. The winter deciduous forest looked like branches made of human bones. A mixed forest with a walking path spread out. This is a high-end residential area in Bethesda, Maryland, where congressmen and bureaucrats commuting to Washington spend their nights. In the depths of a thicket, there was a slightly open gentle sloping area where the desired building was located. It was a designer house filled with a sense of openness, with all outer walls covered in glass, and it appeared like a model intended to showcase beautiful scenery rather than a place for people to live in. 

The luxury was excessive to the point where it seemed somewhat like a toy. Leon had hidden himself in the thicket away from the road and was monitoring the designer house through binoculars with night vision capabilities. It was an unacknowledged fact, but a traitor to the country was living in this mansion. Senator Steven Air, who had sold information to a bioterrorist organization, was one of many government officials who had been involved in the incident in Tall Oaks where the President became a victim of B.O.W. Simmons, the President's aide, was among those who betrayed the government. And Leon still blames himself for what happened that night. 

Currently, fifteen members of the Division of Security Operations (DSO) and two stealth drones have surrounded Steven's mansion. It was necessary to capture him and extract plenty of information before bringing him to trial. According to reports from aerial surveillance, Steven was on his way home by car from Washington. The distance from the White House to Bethesda was approximately twelve kilometers, and it would take about thirty minutes if he drove fast. Leon shifted his focus to his shoulder holster with a handgun. Of course, capturing him alive was best, but there was no hesitation in shooting the traitor if he resisted.

Leon suddenly remembers. This is Bethesda. The name is derived from the Bible. From the Gospel of John–

“Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie — the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years."

Jesus healed the man who had been sick for 38 years. God's love and His miracles. Bravo. That's exactly what this world needs in this hell.

"Target approaching."

As he thinks about the Bible, a communication comes through his earpiece. It's a report from the overhead surveillance team flying a drone. A roadway that weaves through a grove of mixed trees was approached by Stephen's white Porsche, an elegant luxury car resembling a graceful white swan. Perhaps dozens, hundreds of people may have died to buy that car. Such is the life of a villain.

"Visual on the target vehicle. Secure upon my GO signal," Leon whispered into his radio microphone. Both the earphones and microphone were of a bone conduction type that excelled in noise resistance. It converts vocal cord vibrations transmitted through the skull directly into voice signals. It was a perfect gadget for special operations where one couldn't make loud noises or miss instructions in the midst of noise. 

The Porsche approached the garage. 

"GO," Leon said sharply. 

At that moment, two SUVs that had been hiding in a blind spot by the roadway started their engines like barking dogs and closed in on the Porsche at tremendous speed, trapping it in a pincer movement as planned. The driver of the Porsche was Stephen's secretary, with a bodyguard in the passenger seat and Stephen himself in the back seat. 

Suddenly trapped from the front and back, they were thrown into confusion. Leon wondered – would the bodyguard or secretary resist? There was no doubt that they were carrying guns. He didn't want to give them unnecessary visibility, but he would deal with it when the time came. The agents jumped out of the trees. In the next moment, Stephen's Porsche exploded. 

A deafening roar and shock. The high-performance explosive device planted under the car's body lifted the Porsche several meters off the ground, engulfing it in flames. And caught up in it, the DSO's SUVs overturned as well. The window glass of all the cars shattered into tiny pieces, the car bodies twisted and burned the people inside. All six agents from the team on foot, including Leon himself, were blown backwards by the force of the blast. Leon still thinks like he’s floating in the air, an eerie feeling of weightlessness that ended when he felt his body slamming against a tree trunk. In those fleeting moments, his consciousness waned, and it was the closest he had come to death.

Yet, it seemed the Grim Reaper was not yet ready to claim him. 

Pain, intense and searing, jolted Leon’s awareness back to life, a grunt of pain escaping his lips. Leon struggled to his feet, and he threw up, retching repeatedly. His consciousness ebbed and flowed like waves, and he knew that rest was essential. Leon suspected that his ribs and collarbone were either fractured or cracked, but, fortunately, his arms and legs remained unbroken. Gritting his teeth, he managed to force his dislocated left shoulder joint back into place, enduring the excruciating pain, as he tried to work out which way was up. 

There are bruises littered across his skin, scratches and abrasions where the bark of the tree tore his flesh. The shock of the explosion and the fear of death… an unpleasant feeling of internal organs turning over welled up. No matter how many times he experienced it, he could never get used to the terror of a close-range explosion. The air was knocked from his lungs; his breathing temporarily stopped; his eardrums were about to burst; and his knees were weak. He can barely stand. Leon finally sits up, willing his agent training to give him a sense of urgency even though his body is screaming in agony. The stench of gasoline fills the air, but Leon can barely smell it. His sense of smell and hearing are both almost gone. What the hell happened? Leon asked himself in front of the burning Porsche.

He feels paralyzed. 

It was three in the morning when your phone started to ring. 

It was an unknown number, and you had to fight the necessity of hanging up; something inside you told you to pick up the call, which you did. It was Leon, and the way his voice sounded on the phone made you aware that something bad had happened. Terrible, nonetheless. You drove to his location, and you found yourself shocked when you found smoke, fire and the smell of gasoline among a lot of government agents and military personnel. You found Leon sitting in the back of an ambulance, his body covered by a blanket, as he was examined by a paramedic. Not only that, but you had credentials to enter that isolated area, and the way those agents were rushing from one side to the other, talking on their phones, made it clear that someone important had died. You made your way towards Leon, not daring to look around, and when you reached him, you saw tears in his eyes. You hugged him tight, like you were holding the world in your hands. 

“It’s ok, I got you” you said to him, your words full of assurance and kindness. 

Leon refused to be taken to the hospital; instead, he asked you to drive him back home, since he felt he couldn’t do it on his own. The ride back to his place was silent, and you decided to respect his space, although you saw him trying to find solace in something real. He couldn’t stop playing with his finger, showing an elevated level of stress and anxiety. You have never seen him like this before. 

“Can you stay?” Leon suddenly asked when you pulled over in front of his house. “I… don’t want to be alone” 

“Yeah, sure” you nodded, noticing how vulnerable he was, which was odd. 

You heard him groaning in pain once he got out of your car, but he refused your help, insisting he was fine. Knowing him well at this point, you gently held his hand, offering nothing but your support, and Leon quietly appreciated your effort. You helped him sit on his couch and heard him mutter something only he could understand. Judging by the look on his face and the way his hands were still shaking, you knew he was in shock. 

“Do you have any first aid kits or something?” you asked him, hoping you would gain his attention. 

“I’m fine” Leon replies, his eyes fixated on his shaky hands. You sat next to him, holding his hands and scratching his skin softly. 

“It’s ok not to be okay." Your voice is almost a whisper as you look into his blue eyes. “You don’t have to be tough all the time” 

You saw him reach the breaking point. 

Feeling embraced by your kindness and safety, Leon finally allowed himself to feel his emotions — the same ones he fought hard to bury deep inside him — in the same place he swore he would never visit again. In the cozy atmosphere of his living room, having nothing but you as solace, the brunette agent gave himself a break, and when he did that, his eyes started to get watery.

After Raccoon City, Leon shut himself up so he wouldn’t be hurt ever again. He used to keep his emotions contained; he used to not think of them. He kept everything bottled up, because he knew he couldn’t handle it. Leon was so traumatized that the way he dealt with his feelings was to pretend they didn’t exist, in the first place. After Spain, it got worse. Nightmares after nightmares, the paranoia of still being infected with Las Plagas, everything that came after this. 

But here you are, telling him that it is ok not to be okay, that he doesn’t have to be tough, and that it is okay to feel and to be vulnerable. He couldn’t stop sobbing; his hands were still shaking, but he didn't even care about this at the moment. Gently, you started to play with his hair, your fingers slowly going up and down on his head, providing comfort and care — exactly what he’s been missing his entire life. 

“I lost them all” Leon started to say through sobs. “I saw them dead” 

“It wasn’t your fault” you assured him with calm words. 

“I failed them," he says as he looks at you, his blue eyes shining with tears as they fall through his skin. 

“That’s not true. You didn’t know the car was about to explode or whatever happened there” You tried to calm him down. 

“We were watching him; it was my responsibility to make sure they would be safe… it was my job to ensure that” Leon sobs again, and you can see he’s struggling to breathe due to his anxiety attack. 

“Listen, you’re too nervous right now. Come on, take a deep breath with me” you said, hoping he would listen and cope. 

Leon nods between sobs and takes several deep breaths to try to calm himself down. You took a glass of water and gave it to him, then you took his hand into yours, whispering words of assurance and kindness. You decided to put him to rest, and it wasn’t necessary to drag Leon into his bed; the moment you step foot inside his room, you can see how severe his depression is. Successfully, you were able to lay him down and remove at least his boots. Leon curled into his blankets and muffled his sobs with his pillows. 

“Do you want me to stay here until you fall asleep?” you ask, sitting on his bed with him, moving his hair from his eyes. He nodded silently. 

Slowly, his sobs turned into sniffs, and Leon finally fell asleep. It took almost an hour to calm him down completely, but now he was safe and sound into a peaceful slumber, or what appears to be. You don’t recall exactly when you fell asleep on his bed, but you certainly remember when you woke up to the sound of his screams. Leon never told you about his nightmares, and you weren’t expecting that. His chest was drenched in sweat, and he seemed like he couldn’t breathe. His eyes were filled with fear, and he was shaking head to toe. 

“Fuck” Leon mutters, his hand running through his hair. 

“What happened?” you ask him after turning the lights on. 

“Just a nightmare…” he whispers, trying to calm down again. 

“How frequent are they?” It was a bold question, but you needed to know. 

“Every night” Leon ignores your glance, focusing on his shaky hands again. 

“Here, drink it” you give him a glass of water with sugar to calm his nerves. You already had that glass with you the moment you went with him to his room. 

“Do you even like me?” Leon suddenly asks you. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’re so kind, beautiful, and young, with so much in your future” Leon sighs heavily. “Why would you be with a… broken man like me? I have nothing to offer but traumas and the big baggage of my shitty life” 

The pressure you put on biting your lip was so intense that it was enough to cut your skin and make it bleed. 

“Who says you have nothing to offer? I don’t think that’s true. You’re a wonderful person, Leon. I can see it every day when you come to see me at the store. The way you smile whenever you are around me, the way your eyes shine…” you said to him, hoping it would be enough to give him some comfort. “I don’t see you as a broken person or a man with the baggage of a shitty life. I can’t imagine what must have happened to you, and I know it must be difficult and hard because that's what I see, but, Leon, the darkness around you doesn’t define who you are. Whatever life did to you, it doesn't dictate your present or future."

No matter how many kind words you say, it isn’t enough for him. Leon blames himself for what happened, and you know he won’t forget it so soon. How can he? Those men trusted him and followed him, and now, they’re all dead. Leon thinks he should’ve saved them, even though he knows he couldn’t guess the car was about to explode. 

“I wish I could heal your soul so you wouldn’t suffer anymore, but I can’t” you sigh, then look at his hand. “I wish I could fight all of your demons, but I can’t do that. I’m here and I don’t intend to leave you alone” 

After holding his hand, it was the first night Leon actually slept without any more nightmares. When he woke up the next morning, he felt his eyes heavy and he instantly remembered how he cried the night before after his entire squad was murdered. Then, he also remembered that you were there with him the whole time. Finally, he noticed how strange that feeling was - the feeling of being comforted instead of comforting others. It was a strange feeling indeed, but it was a good one. 

Lazily, he stood up from his bed and decided to look at himself in the mirror, washing his face and taking a moment to see the collateral damage caused by the bomb. There were a few bruises and cuts on his skin, but huge purple marks on his shoulder, which he dislocated. It still hurts, but it’s enough to keep him in the real world. He’s still alive.  

“Morning, princess” you greeted him in his kitchen. “I made breakfast” 

“You shouldn’t worry about that, y’know?” Leon says, leaning against his cabinet. 

“Too late for that. Now is my job to worry about ya” you said, opening the cabinet above your head on tiptoe, which made him smirk. “Are you feeling better?” 

“Yeah, I guess so” he says, nodding his head and helping you get the cornflakes. “Thank you… for sticking up with me last night” 

“You know I care about you, right? Since day one” you glance at him with a warm smile. “I really do” 

“I care about you, too” Leon blushes slightly. “More than I can tell” 

You know Leon pretty well at this point and you know he has trouble speaking of his feelings. You know he can’t express himself properly, and you ain’t stupid. You know someone has hurt him before and you understand why he is the way he is. Fortunately, you are very patient, and that’s enough for now, because you don’t mind giving him time and space. 

“I can look at your wounds; maybe I can help” you offered, finishing preparing the breakfast. 

“This means I finally earned your secrets?” Leon asks, a small smile on his lips, as he references the conversation you had with him a few months ago. 

“You surely did." You nodded, smiling. “Let’s eat first, then I’ll take a look at it” 

Leon seemed to enjoy the breakfast you made for him, and, for the first time since you two met, he genuinely seemed happy. However, you knew deep inside he was trying and fighting hard to hide his true feelings; losing his squad certainly shattered him inside, and caused more damage to him than you could ever imagine. 

Leon is a master when it comes to hiding his feelings. All over the years, Leon had built around himself an impenetrable shell, not allowing anyone to get closer, and all of that because he is scared of being hurt again. However, if the explosion never happened, if his men never died the way they did, Leon wouldn’t be pretending he’s fine when you know he’s not. The damage is so intense that you’re afraid he won’t recover. It’ll always be there with him, rotting inside him. 

You weren’t expecting so many wounds all at once, but when he took off his shirt and you saw his bruised skin, you took a deep breath. He had so many marks, so many stories. You wanted to ask, you wanted to know, but Leon wasn’t ready to share it yet. 

“I got this one back in Raccoon City” Leon quietly says, pointing to the scar on his left shoulder. “I got shot” 

“How did this happen?” you decided to ask him as you gently cleaned a few cuts he had.  

“I was helping a woman named Ada Wong to get a sample of G-Virus, and only a scientist named Annette Birkin had this sample. We were trying to find her and, when we did, she started to shoot Ada. I jumped in front of her, that’s why I got shot” Leon sighs, recalling the events that happened in the sewers. 

“This Ada seems very important to you” you smiled at him, cleaning the other cut he had on his neck.  

“She was, but it was a long time ago” Leon avoids your gaze. “Not anymore” 

“She was the one that hurt you?” you ask him very carefully. 

Leon didn’t answer, but his silence speaks for himself. You can see the extension of the damage and how Leon still struggles to deal with whatever happened between him and Ada. He stays silent, maybe trying to understand how his life turned into this mess. Then, he starts to count every time he was betrayed before until this very moment. His blue irises meet yours and all he feels is… peace. There’s no inner storms inside him, he feels completely at ease. 

“If I ask you a favor…” Leon suddenly says, changing the conversation. 

“What do you need?” you ask him without hesitation. 

“Could you come with me to the morgue? There’s something I need to do” Leon sighs, preparing himself for what’s about to happen. 

“Of course. I’ll tell my parents I’ll go to the store later” you nodded, quickly picking up your phone to text them. 

Leon partially felt guilty, but you were so willing to go with him that he changed his mind after you helped him dress himself — the way he dislocated his shoulder still hurts and he has difficulty with it. You drove to the morgue and judging by the interior of the building, you found out Leon was some sort of agent working for the government. You were able to read the name of the organization. Division of Security Operations. 

“So you’re a badass agent, huh?” you ask with enthusiasm as you walk next to him. 

“I wouldn’t say I’m a badass” Leon chuckles, still feeling tense. 

“Well, if you put your neck at stake to save your country, then you’re definitely a badass” you added, giving him a warm smile. 

When you both stepped inside the morgue, he reached out for your hand, seeking any support you could give him. The back wall was a box-shaped cold storage room, and a row of dissecting tables lined the spacious room. And on those dissecting tables were numerous body bags. It's a body bag with the DSO logo on it. Do they really need a logo even on something like this? Irony floated within Leon's chest. Are they planning to sell products with the logo on them, like DSO-branded body bags, DSO-logoed cigarette cases, DSO-logoed pass cases...?

He walked between the body bags to the sound of his boots. Unlike normal bodies, the victims of b.o.w - related incidents were usually sent for examination to specialized research institutions. Although this time the cause of death was due to a bomb, not a zombie attack, the instruction from above was to send the bodies to various laboratories, so they followed suit. This DSO branch’s mortuary was a relay point for passing the bodies from the scene to the laboratory, like a baton in a relay race. It wasn’t easy to simply bury them in a graveyard. The morgue itself wasn’t scary, but the corpses were scary because they stimulated the imagination. 

“Would they suddenly start moving? Would I end up like this too?” Leon thinks to himself a little bit loud, enough for you to hear him.

“You won’t” you whispered, squeezing his hand to let him know you were there.  

Watching the corpses closely would cause a moment where the elongated shadows would appear like monsters. However, that was before Raccoon City. He had seen too many moments where the dead came back to life. 

“I’m not scared of the mortuary anymore; recently, I’ve been thinking about it a lot” Leon frowned as he moved towards the back while swirling his thoughts. He thought he heard a sound from there minutes before. 

“What do you mean?” you ask him with curiosity as he approaches one of the bags. 

“I was constantly thinking about death and ending everything. I was depressed and thought I had no hope left” Leon confessed, his eyes locked on the body bags in front of him. “But now… I don’t think about that anymore”

He glances at you, finally. Slowly, his eyes meet your hand while you’re holding him and there’s a small smile on his lips, then his blue irises find yours again. 

“I used to be scared of the morgue… but coming here with you… is something else” Leon says next. “I couldn’t do this alone” 

“I’m glad I can help” you said to him with your usual kindness. 

But he stops and turns his attention back to the body bags and sighs. His entire demeanor changed and suddenly, he found himself fighting hard to keep doing this. He needed that. He owed his men at least this final goodbye. 

“What kind of adult did I want to become when I was a child?” Leon thinks to himself as he approached one of the body bags. 

The zipper was slightly open, and the body bag seemed like it was about to move any moment. It’s common for something that seems like it’s about to move to actually move.

Leon carelessly closed the zipper. Was it because of the sharp sound that, suddenly, another body bag bounced behind him? Inside the body bag, the zombie was wiggling and struggling. It seemed unhappy, as if it had been woken up from a deep sleep by force. Leon pulled out his gun from his holster and squeezed the trigger. 

“What kind of adult did I want to become? I definitely didn’t want a life like this” 

V. ACCEPTANCE 

After everything that happened with his squad, Leon knew he needed time off of his office. Decided to get his mind off everything and take a break, Leon chose the Rocky Mountains in Colorado as his destination. Instead of going there alone, he thought it would be good to spend more time with you, mostly because he felt safe around you and due to the nature of his job and everything he saw, he needed to feel that safety only you provided him.  

You had to explain to your parents why you would be going on a vacation, but they understood with no problems; they didn’t know about Leon because you were fearing some trouble because of the age gap, so you felt they weren’t exactly ready to meet him. How could you explain to them you were apparently dating a man eleven years older than you? It would be one hell of a surprise. 

It was 9 a.m. in the mountainous area near Rocky Mountain National Park, located in northern Colorado. The national park was about a two-hour drive from the state capital, Denver. Along the way, there were several viewpoints where numerous travelers parked their cars to enjoy the scenic beauty. Even in the mountainous region of the Rockies, the mountains around this area were not exceptionally high. They were just before the tree line, covered with spruce and fir trees on the subalpine slopes. The forest appeared like a beautifully groomed brush, while wildflowers bloomed modestly, sheltered by large rocks.

“This place is incredible” you sound mesmerized by the incredible view from the hotel. 

“You haven’t been in places like this before?” Leon asks you with curiosity. 

“I barely leave my house” you chuckle, leaving your bag on the bed. “I just work at my parent’s store and go to college” 

“It feels like I’m dating a baby” Leon chuckles, also leaving his bag next to yours. 

“We’re dating, huh?” you teased, taking off your sneakers. 

“Yeah, we are” Leon nods his head, smiling. “I know I haven’t officially asked you, but I’m too old for that” 

“It’s fine, old man. I’m just messing with you” you said, playing with his fingers. 

“Old man? Now I’m offended” Leon teases back, smiling. 

“You said it first” you replied to him, your hands reaching his brown hair. “By the way… I have something for you” 

Leon glanced at you, frowning. The mischievous smile on your lips immediately told him you were planning something. He sat up on the bed and kept his eyes fixed on you, waiting patiently for whatever you were about to do. 

“I got you a birthday present” you said with enthusiasm, catching him by surprise. “I know I’m a few days late, but I wanted to give you something for your 37th birthday” 

“You didn’t have to” Leon whispered in shock as you gave him the small box. 

He unwrapped the present you gave him and found a beautiful dagger, silver and shining, also pretty sharp. Leon knew immediately that you probably paid a lot on that and he felt bad. He took a deep breath and glanced at you. 

“This was very expensive. You shouldn’t waste your money with me like that” Leon says to you. 

“It’s a gift. You can’t give it back” you said to him, a hint of playfulness in your voice as you insisted for him to keep it. 

“That’s not fair” Leon complains, laughing softly. 

“It’s pretty fair to me, though” you said to him, smirking. “It’s just a dagger, not a diamond or something related. I know your job is kind of dangerous and you might need it” 

“Okay, you win. I’ll take it” Leon sighs in defeat. “About my job… I know I haven’t been extremely open about it, but…” 

“It’s okay, I don’t want you to feel forced to share this with me if you don’t feel ready” you stopped him before he could finish his sentence. 

“I wish I could be more open to you” Leon glanced at his hands, feeling bad because of that. 

“Start simple and small. You don’t have to tell me absolutely everything at once” you placed your hand on his shoulder, petting him. 

“Simple and small? How could I do that?” Leon frowned at the idea. He always thought it was impossible to open up about his trauma. 

You pondered for a few moments, thinking about a way to help him talk about his issues in a positive way. 

“Start with something like… why don't you like dogs?” you suggested. A while ago you noticed Leon had a certain aversion to dogs. 

“I… um… I was attacked by dogs in Raccoon City. They weren’t common dogs, they were infected, something like that” Leon found himself surprised by the way he spoke about this issue so easily. “Then, at Spain, I had a few encounters with wolves also infected with a parasite, monstrous things” 

“See? That one was pretty easy” you said, encouraging him to keep talking. “Wanna try to say something else?” 

Leon thought about your question for minutes; inside his head, everything that has happened to him was like an endless movie. The trauma, the pain and the events that seem to be haunting him to this day. It was hard to pick one, but then, he reminds himself of your words of being simple and small. He takes a deep breath and quietly, he convinces himself that he can do this. 

“Back at Raccoon City, it was my first day at the force and I was 21 at the time” Leon starts, his eyes focused on something else. “I was late, but I think that’s why I’m still alive” 

While he was telling you the horrors he saw, you gently placed your hand on his, to let him know you’re there for him. It was a simple and kind gesture, but for him, it meant the world. Leon was only familiar with danger and brutality, so having you by his side providing comfort was enough to penetrate the depth of his former persona. It was enough to rescue the rookie cop buried inside those walls. 

“After that night… everything changed. I’m here because of what I did to survive and I’m not exactly proud of it. I can’t stop blaming myself for my past actions, but…” Leon suddenly stops, taking another deep breath. 

“You can’t control everything around you, Leon. And not everything that happens to us is our fault. You couldn’t know you were going to be stalked and nearly killed on your first day… you didn't know that there was a virus outbreak in Raccoon City that night…” you said to him, placing your hand on his shoulder. “You need to understand that this isn’t your baggage to carry. What happened that day wasn’t your fault” 

Leon had your words playing on repeat inside his head. Even though he was early in the morning drinking his sorrows away, he was still thinking about what you said. He also felt partially guilty for leaving you asleep in the bed while he was drinking, but the other part of him told you knew him pretty well and you wouldn’t be judging him for this. His head was a roller coaster and at this very moment, he wasn’t at the top. 

Leon sat on the first floor of a lodge-style hotel in the rural town. The hotel was two stories tall, made of reinforced concrete, but designed to resemble traditional log construction. There was only one waiter and one chef, making it far from a trendy establishment — a rather run-down place. He was having breakfast in the first-floor restaurant. Though the restaurant wasn't popular, the food was decent. Approaching footsteps came from behind him — two sets of them.

"--To come fully armed to such a peaceful town," Leon said without turning around.

"Leon S. Kennedy, the ace of the DSO, a special agent organization directly under the President of the United States," a voice replied.

Finally, he turned around to see Chris Redfield and Rebecca Chambers standing there.

"Chris and... oh, the renowned expert in biohazard research, Professor Rebecca Chambers. What do you want?" he asked.

"It's work. Cooperate," Chris said in an uncompromising tone.

Chris and Rebecca sat across from him. And it was noticeable that he wore an annoyed expression. 

"I'm on vacation." 

"...In the past, while protecting the President's daughter, Ashley Graham, you fought and annihilated the cult group Los Illuminados. They were using special bio-organic weapons called Plagas," Chris said.

"I've forgotten about that old stuff," Leon replied simply.

"Do you plan on loafing around in this town for another week?" Chris asked.

"I don't know what will happen in the future," Leon retorted.

"Beer, please," Rebecca chuckled at the reference to an old movie, while Chris wore an unamused expression.

Leon called over a passing waitress with a casual wave to place his order, but Chris interrupted him.

"Cancel the beer."

"No, it's not canceled."

“Come on… what the fuck?!”

"I don't need any more alcohol."

"Cut it out. What's going on?"

"That's my line."

The waitress looked between the two of them suspiciously and before walking away. Eventually, Leon pulled out a flask from his back pocket and took a swig as a substitute for the additional order that couldn't be fulfilled.

"You–!" Chris leaned forward.

"Enough, both of you," Rebecca interjected. "--Leon. We apologize for disturbing your vacation. However, we need the information you possess," Rebecca said.

Finally, Leon showed a willingness to listen.

"...What's the situation?" he asked.

Chris and Rebecca had to explain to him what happened earlier at the university. The case was simple. Glenn Arias was a new threat and they needed to stop him at all costs. However, they didn’t know how Leon was suffering inside; they couldn’t know about the recent events. Leon wearily intertwines his gestures and continues, 

"Just before I took my vacation... I was involved in a DSO mission in Bethesda to apprehend a treacherous senator who was selling internal information to a bioterrorist organization." 

The disgusted irritation was evident in his movements, his expression, and his voice. 

"You know..." Leon begins. "Here's the thing: the informant we used betrayed us. We fell into a trap instead. A massive explosion killed many of my colleagues... and then there was the incident with the resurrection of the corpses you guys were involved in... It's all a mess," 

Leon explains, letting out a heavy sigh. It's a sigh that escapes unintentionally, like a burden he carries.

"I had planned to become a police officer in Raccoon City. It was my dream job. But on my first day, there was a massive zombie outbreak, and from there... it never stopped," Leon pauses and shakes his head. "I've been fighting this whole time. There's no end in sight, and it only keeps getting worse. Have I been living just to fight zombies and the people who create them?"

"What are you trying to say? That you don't want to cooperate with us?" Chris asks.

"It's not that..." Leon's tone is uncertain, "Well, maybe it is."

With a hesitant tone, Leon continues

“What exactly is our goal? How far do we have to run? Do we have to keep running endlessly? The villains keep coming, one after another, while the good people keep dying. Maybe it's better to lose our minds."

Then, Chris found himself forced to explain to Leon what they were facing. He showed pictures of Cathy White, the agent that was turned into a bio-weapon. And worse, her son she killed. He showed the photos taken during the autopsy and how Glenn turned people into something else purely because of power. 

"Killing him is the goal," Chris declares.

"That's only your goal, not mine," Leon retorts, his voice filled with resentment.

Tension fills the air between them once again.

"Hey," Rebecca interrupts, breaking the silence just as she did before. "So, Leon, you're exhausted," Rebecca points at Leon and then gestures to Chris. "And Chris, you're frustrated. There's one thing both tired people and irritable people have in common."

"What do we have in common?" Chris asks in response.

They both look at each other with a wide-eyed grin.

"You only think about yourselves," Rebecca replies. 

"I–" Chris tries to interject, but Rebecca continues. 

"Chris, all you talk about is wanting to kill Glenn Arias. After helping me, you didn't say a single word mourning the sacrifices of our colleagues. Leon, you're acting like a college student in their moratorium period. People get tired of running. But if we stop running, more people will lose their lives."

Rebecca takes out a trigger-activated needleless syringe from her small bag. In front of the bewildered duo, she abruptly presses the syringe against her left forearm and pulls the trigger, causing her blood to collect in the test tube attached to the syringe.

"I'll tell you something important. We're already infected," she says.

"What?" Leon's expression tightens in response.

Rebecca continues speaking in a tone reminiscent of a teacher addressing a poor student. 

"The truth is, it's difficult to estimate just how many people have been infected by Arias' new virus. The problem is, we don't know the identity of the trigger that activates it."

As she speaks, Rebecca removes the test tube from the syringe and seals it with a cap.

"The virus is activated by something only Arias knows. When that happens, the dead rise, and living humans become bio-weapons."

Rebecca glances lightly at Leon. 

"If things continue like this, this city will eventually become a living hell. There won't be any safe places."

Leon remains silent, averting his gaze.

"Just so you know, a prototype of the antivirus has been developed," Rebecca says. "It actually worked on me. However, the effectiveness of the antivirus is unstable without knowing the conditions for the activation of Arias' virus. When to administer it and how long it remains effective..."

Rebecca then places the sealed test tube into a small protective case and puts it on the table. 

"My blood should provide valuable data. If I die, make sure it reaches a reputable research institution that you can trust."

"You're not in danger. We'll protect you," Chris says firmly.

"What?" Leon asks, confused.

"It seems like you're misunderstanding, BSAA soldier," Rebecca lightly dismisses Chris's assumption.

There’s a slight smirk on Leon’s lips as he hears that. 

"The forefront of pandemic response is not the BSAA, but the research field. How many doctors and colleagues do you think I've seen die in conflict-ridden African countries or small Middle Eastern nations used as testing grounds for bio-weapons?" Rebecca questions.

Chris tries to say something in response, but his voice gets stuck in his throat, and only faint breaths escape.

"After I left the team, you two might have fought against plenty of mad scientists. But science can only be countered with science. Unless benevolent technology advances, we will never have a chance of winning. We fight not only for ourselves but for others. Have you both understood at least a little of what I'm saying?" Rebecca asks.

She stands up and adds, "Cool your heads," before leaving her seat.

"She's a great woman," Leon comments.

"We can't handle it on our own," Chris remarks, watching Rebecca leave, and he and Leon exchanged a wry smile. 

And then, here it comes. The urge to talk about what happened one year ago. 

"Leon, China was tough," Chris says, referring to that incident.

"Yeah, it was like a zombie version of Black Hawk Down." he nods in response. 

"At that time, I wanted to quit the BSAA so badly," Chris admits, surprising Leon, "After getting involved with Umbrella, I witnessed too many deaths. We..." 

Chris trails off. His expression was heavy, as if lead had settled in the depths of his heart. Then Chris realized: Why does it make me so angry to see him like this? He was too much like his old self.

"It makes you want to quit... makes me want to quit," Chris says, emphasizing his point. Leon falls into silence. And Chris delivers the final blow. "But, the moment we quit, all of our subordinates and friends will have died in vain. We are the survivors of Raccoon City. We carry that burden."

Chris falls silent, and the air becomes still. The waitress looks annoyed by the silence. For a few moments, there’s nothing but the said silence. 

"Leon, I always thought you were a cheerful guy no matter what," Chris breaks the silence.

"No one is like that," Leon replies, “Well… I’m not. I've always been a stress-tolerant guy. I've been able to do what I've done because of it. But now look back on it. In Tall Oaks, I killed the president.”

"Technically, you had to save the President infected with the virus," Chris quickly adds, trying to provide some context.

“But,” Leon shakes his head, "But the fact remains that I pulled the trigger, I shot him, and I was even suspected of assassinating the President afterward. Although I managed to clear my name, the mastermind behind that incident turned out to be the President's aide. The DSO was once called the 'Sword of the President,' but now it sounds ironically fitting."

Chris remains silent, attentively listening to Leon's words.

"Chris," Leon continues. "I've returned to active duty, but every time I face the new President, I feel anxious. I can sense his unease as well. The President's aide had sold his soul to B.O.W. terrorism. Who's next? The Secretary of Defense? The Vice President? What's become of the foundation that supports the soldiers in the field? They keep using us, while the higher-ups continue to flounder, grow bloated... They only think about shifting blame onto others."

He pauses for a moment. There’s so much pain. 

Leon furrows his brow and lowers his voice. "Perhaps the reason entities like Umbrella persist is that our society harbors a fundamental evil... I can't help but feel that way now."

Even agreeing with this stupid mission, Leon can’t go without saying goodbye. He feels guilty, but the moment he sees you, everything feels completely right. He sat at the bed, watching you perfectly asleep, imagining what kind of dreams you were having. Leon sighs and shakes his head. 

“Hey, sweetheart” Leon says when he sees you waking up. 

“Hi” you whisper, rubbing your eyes. 

“Listen… something happened and my colleagues need me. Will you be okay here?” he asks you, his thumb trailing your cheek. 

“Will you come back?” you ask him, sounding a little groggy. 

“And leave my baby girl here all alone? Of course I’ll come back” he smiles sweetly at you. 

“Ok… I’ll be here” you nodded your head, closing your eyes to go back to sleep. 

Something about you made him see, for the first time, the bright side of things. Maybe it was the fact that you were younger than him, and also the fact that you were full of energy - he was just an old and bitter man. But, hey, he’s learning how to cope with every shit that has happened to him. 

Before you, Leon was ready to die. 

He was ready to embrace death, he already had made peace with his inner demons. But everything changed when you came into his life. Suddenly, he thought he could live and find happiness and death wasn’t in his thoughts anymore. It was like you were able to bring him back from his darkness. He wasn’t rotting inside. You were able to rescue him from himself and return the light he needed. 

But if he thought he wasn’t close to death, he was wrong. Leon never thought he would face something like Glenn Arias and come close to death, but he had his job to do. Chris needed his help and Leon finally found closure to something that was weighing on his head; the death of his squad wasn’t his fault and he found the real culprit. He found the peace he was desperately looking for. And he was able to see another sunrise and come back to you. 

It was a repetitive cycle. Leon recently started to wonder if anything he did was futile. That's why he took a vacation and drowned his sorrows in alcohol. It was a kind of protest, perhaps. A protest against the grand concepts of this world and destiny. A statement of "I’m not going on like this forever, I’m not going to do it," or something of that sort. But fate was cruel. In the end, human life rarely goes well by one's own choices. Perhaps humans are merely chosen by fate without their consent. Yet, Leon now felt that it was okay like that. Being chosen doesn't make him a hero by default. He becomes a hero reluctantly because he was chosen. And that's fine. 

The merged form approached Leon with an eerie growl, swinging its massive fist. Leon leaped back to dodge it, and the merged form's punch shattered one of the spires on the rooftop into tiny fragments. It had the destructive power of a construction hammer, with each strike resembling the impact of a tank cannon round. Leon intentionally slid and jumped into the merged form's feet, thinking that at such a large size, close range might become a blind spot. He positioned himself beneath the massive body, lying on his back and firing his handgun. The shots were practically point-blank, but they were still deflected by the hardened muscles and exoskeleton. 

"Doesn't matter," Leon muttered involuntarily. "I'll do whatever it takes, even if it's futile. Today's a good day to die anyway."

The merged form kicked out.

The enemy's movements were deceptively swift, and Leon was sent flying as if hit by a car. His body tumbled through the air until it finally collided with a gargoyle statue, coming to a stop. The impact was so intense that his breath nearly ceased. However, the merged form continued its pursuit. It threw a straight punch, a blow that would surely result in instant death if landed, but Leon managed to evade it with a jump. Not only did he dodge it, but in mid-air, Leon twisted his body and unleashed a spinning kick. His boot-clad foot connected with the grotesque face of the merged form.

Whether it would have any effect or not didn't matter. This strike was my will. Of course, a kick from a mere human wouldn't have any effect. The merged form retaliated with its opposite hand, grabbing hold of Leon.

"Gah!" A groan escaped Leon's throat involuntarily. The massive fist tightened around him like a vice, and within a few seconds, he felt himself being crushed like a tomato.

"Leon!" Chris emerged from the penthouse.

In his fading consciousness, Leon thought about you. The way you smiled whenever you were with him and the sweet perfume you love to use. The way your hands embrace him at night, helping him sleep safely, without any nightmares to harm him. And then, he doesn’t want to die anymore. Please, God, don’t let me die this way. 

Chris picked up the fully automatic handgun that Arias had dropped along the way and unleashed a barrage of bullets at the merged form. For a brief moment, it seemed like the merged form's focus shifted, and its grip loosened slightly, but that was all.

Was my life meant to end here, crushed by this grotesque monster? Leon wondered, his pessimism threatens to shatter him. Leon wasn't the type to easily get this depressed or overthink things too much. Still, he felt more than a little exhausted.

What kind of adult did I want to become when I was a child? I never imagined I would be burdened with the stigma of assassinating a president. At least, I didn't want a life like this ― It doesn't matter what I want. There's no such thing as a person who can live the life they desire. Arias must have felt the same way. In the end…

VI. ABSOLUTION

When he came back, you noticed something inside him had changed. 

After the fight with Arias, Leon noticed that life was much more than death, darkness and depression. At least, he started to think like that when he almost got killed. And his only thought was coming back to you. No, he couldn’t die like that and leave you alone. His arm was injured, but he was alive. And he was back. 

“What happened to your arm?” you asked him when you saw him entering the room. 

“Remember that day in the morgue when you told me I was a badass government agent?” Leon asks you back, sitting on the bed next to you. 

“Yep, I do” you nodded, starting to massage his tense muscles. 

“Well… I’m not this kind of agent. I work under the president’s orders. I fight bioweapons for a living… since that hell in Raccoon City” Leon sighs, finally opening about his job. 

“Bioweapons? Like zombies and shit?” you ask him with curiosity. 

“Worse than zombies, but yes” Leon nodded with a slight smirk. “It’s dangerous, and this time I nearly got killed… thing is, my job requires a lot of my time, it forces me to not be around for God knows how long. It scares me because I don’t know if you can live this chaotic life with me…” 

“Wait, wait, wait… slow down” you held his hand and squeezed it softly. “Everyone deserves a second chance in life, Leon. You were alone for too much time and I don’t mind if you need to go somewhere else to fight bioweapons. If this means I get to see these pretty eyes of yours and this sweet smile every time you come home… I’m willing to live this chaotic life with you” 

Leon couldn’t believe your words. After being deprived of something so human and getting used to it, Leon felt he was about to explode. It was too much for him to handle. At this point, he knew perfectly he was experiencing anxiety. But it was a good one. 

“I don’t want you to get hurt. If we do this, I’m gonna get you wrapped up in something bad someday… and I’ll never forgive myself if this happens” Leon tells you, sounding extremely worried.

“I know you won’t let anything bad happen to me. And besides, I can take care of myself. I made self defense classes” you laugh sweetly, a symphony to his ears. 

“Are you sure?” Leon asks, and those big puppy eyes of his wanting nothing but assurance.

“Honey, if this wasn’t true, I wouldn’t be here” you chuckled, kissing his forehead. 

After what happened, you decided to introduce Leon to your family as your boyfriend. But before that, you convinced him he needed to improve a little. Getting rid of the alcohol was the first step. He started to see a therapist and work harder on his issues, which influenced a lot of your relationship. He was more happy and willing to do things he and you both liked. One year after that incident with his squad being killed and his mission with his friends, you noticed he was ready to meet your parents. 

“I’m nervous” Leon tells you when you both were entering your home. 

“Why? It’s not like we’ve been dating secretly for almost three years. Besides, they’ll think you’re cute, don’t worry” you giggled at him. 

“I’m not so sure about that” he muttered, following you inside your parents place.

You could clearly tell how anxious he was. However, he always felt at ease on your side, and it was like you had the power to make him relax, like nothing could harm him and the world was finally at peace. When you stepped inside the house with Leon right behind you for a Christmas dinner, your parents were already expecting both of you. 

“Mom, dad… this is Leon. The guy I was talking about” you introduced him to your parents with certain expectations. 

“You clearly got my taste for man” Leon heard your mom whispering to you, which made his cheeks turn red. 

“So… um… how long are you two hanging out?” your dad asked and you glanced quickly at Leon. 

“Three years, I guess. We met at the store” you tell your parents. “I didn’t tell you before because Leon has a busy schedule. He’s not always in town, so…” 

“Well, moonpie, if you’re happy, we’re happy too” your mom says with a gracious smile on her lips. 

Leon wasn’t expecting to be so welcomed into your family, but the fact that your parents treated him so kindly melted his heart. He got himself thinking about the dinner for at least one week, mostly because part of him was still thinking it was weird to receive so much kindness and affection, especially coming from a real family. He wasn’t expecting to be playing cards with your dad while you and your mom were in the kitching talking about girl’s stuff, but it was enough to make him see he made the right choice. That it was okay for him to finally experience love. 

“I like your light brown hair now that you finally stopped dying it” you said, sitting between his legs in the living room. 

“My emo era is over” he chuckles sweetly, like a melody. 

“May it rest in peace” you made the signal of the cross. “

“Changing the subject, tomorrow I gotta go to San Francisco. Work stuff” he says to you, softly kissing your neck. 

“Yeah? Am I getting some gift?” you whisper, feeling the shivers down your spine with his lips against your skin. 

“Do I ever go on a mission and come back empty handed?” Leon asks you, his soft lips pressing more against your neck and you can feel him softly biting you. 

The thing is, Leon is like a porcelain doll. He needs to be treated with softness and kindness, because deep down, he is vulnerable. The way his lips met your skin was a clear sign that he was ready for you. He was finally ready to be yours. However, loving Leon also needed patience, and after three years, you could tell he wanted that too. 

“Do you want to do this before you leave, handsome?” you ask him teasingly, holding his hands as he keeps kissing your neck. 

“Yes, I do,” he nods, almost moaning in your ear. 

He gently took you to his bedroom, the place was almost a sanctuary for him. He laid you down on his bed and removed his shirt, and this time, he didn’t seem ashamed of himself. You stood up from his bed and sat him on the edge, your hands trailing down his skin like he was a roller coaster. He closed his eyes, his breath soft and calm, although he anticipated what was about to happen. Leon craved for you. 

“I’ll take care of you” you whispered, leaving soft kisses across his neck and chest. 

You sat gently between his legs, your sweet and soft fingers removing his pants and reaching his already hardened cock. He sat there, observing you with those big and blue puppy eyes, like he was savoring your image. When you took all his length inside your mouth and gently started to suck him, Leon felt he was in heaven. It felt so good, so powerful. 

Tears started to fall from his eyes and he cried. Not because you were hurting him, dear lord, of course not! It was because he finally felt that he deserved to be loved. Your tongue did an amazing job on his cock and when he came, he felt his body at ease. Leon moaned with the sudden sensation, it was stronger than he last remembered. But it was because of you. 

“I love you” he says when you touch his face, wiping his tears. 

Loving Leon needed patience, you knew that already. 

However, living with him brought new challenges that you weren’t expecting at all. He would be gone for weeks, then he comes back out of nowhere. He always forgets to send you a message to let you know he’s coming back, but that’s okay, because his lack of patience to deal with technology amuses you. He always sends an emoji out of context, which makes you laugh and you find it very cute when he gets disappointed for misunderstanding those little and yellow faces. He’s getting there, don’t worry about that. 

When he’s at home, things turn out differently. He always helps you with the chores, likes to tease you whenever you’re cooking his favorite meal and at the end of the day, you two are together on the couch watching some silly movie while he complains about it and softly scratches your leg. Sharing a domestic life was something he never thought he would have, not after everything he went through alone. 

Now that he's back from whatever he did in San Francisco, you have another job to do. Tend to his injuries. It’s a small sacrifice to pay whenever he comes back hurt; this time he has purple marks all over his body and face. You don’t ask what on earth happened, because you know he can’t really give details, but at least he’s safe and sound with you again. 

“Stop moving, old man!” you tell him, trying to clean a small cut he had on his neck. 

“That hurts,” Leon replied back, flinching slightly. 

“I know, but someone has to clean it” you rolled your eyes, applying a Barbie band-aid on his neck. 

“Please, don’t tell me I got the Barbie thing on my neck” Leon closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. 

“Next time I’ll get you a cat one” you wink playfully at him. 

After so many death experiences and the inner wish of being dead, he’s glad that he found the absolution that he always wanted. He looks at you with amusement, part of him finds it hard to believe that he’s so lucky to have you, but the other part is glad that you are real and you love him for who he really is. You took every damaged part of him and loved with such intensity that it was enough to bring him back from that dark place he was at. He forgave himself, allowed his soul to heal and to be loved. Life had gifted him with the second chance to live, made him see the beautiful things again. You took him in when he was on the lower part of his life, and your love brought him back. He knows he’s getting older, but he doesn’t mind spending his days with you, because you are the only thing in his life that makes sense.

And he’s fine with that. 

[074calicocat]

✮⋆˙ Heaven or the Living Room Couch

cw: so much fluff. Leon gets shirtless but that's literally it. mandatory warning for my shitty sense of teen boy humor

notes: i was feeling sentimental and now Leon has to get sentimental too. sometimes I like to think about a life where I have an actual husband in real life. I would like a marriage similar to this.

It's almost laughable how Leon perks up like a puppy whenever he hears the front door open in the afternoon.

Because it can only mean one thing: you're back. His precious wife has made it come from the perils of corporate America. The baseball game he was about to doze off to is even more ignored as he sits up straight, waiting to see you make your way into the living room.

"Babe? You there?" The familiar click of your heels against the floor is enough answer for him as you make your way into the living room, looking as weary as always. Jesus, Leon thinks. The companies are out for her soul. At least you look to die for in your blouse and sleek pencil skirt. Makes him remember why so many people have office job fantasies if a person can look behind how draining it was. But despite his worries, a soft sigh escapes him as you shuffle your way over to him, your hands down your shirt as you undo your bra.

"Couldn't wait five minutes?" he muses as you roll your eyes at him. You reach behind you to undo the clasp and slip the bra right out from under your shirt like a magic trick, tossing it right at his head. "Hey!" And they say love is dead. He pulls it off his head and holds it in his hand, choosing to admire the soft lace instead of retorting to you saying "pervert" under your breath.

You snicker as you drop your bag at the edge of the couch and finally plop down next to him, groaning as you lay down. It's a routine at this point for you to nuzzle into him like a cat after you get back; resting your head into his lap as you curl up. "My feet hurt," you complain. "And my boobs hurt. And I'm hungry. And my crotch itches. TMI moment, sorry."

"Yeah, I don't think TMI even exists between us. Anyways...want me to scratch you?" He gets a good laugh out of your mortified expression and even more so at your weak attempts to swat his face. But you drop the annoyed act once he sits you up in his lap, your legs straddling his waist.

"Hi, Leon," you mumble, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Your shamelessly slip under his shirt, pawing at his chest like it's going to magically make the ache in your feet go away.

"Hi, pretty girl. Watcha doing?" He lets you have your moment as you touch him, lifting his arms so you can tug his shirt off of him. And he's all coarse hair and pudge around the waist, a patchwork of scares and beauty marks spackled across his collarbone. Those cheeky hands of yours waste no time grabbing his chest, your thumb absentmindedly brushing over his nipples. "Jesus-that feels funny," he tenses up for a moment but you don't cease your groping, a sly grin on your lips. "Oh, but when I wanna touch your tits after work you get all fussy? That's not very fair-"

"Shut up and let me enjoy this."

Well damn.

"Yes, ma'am." He shuts up soon after your pointed command, letting you take the reins. But you don't try to take things farther, oh no. You just rest your head over his heart, your hands sliding to his back to hold him close.

"I can hear you," you whisper, relaxing into his skin as the thrum of blood pumping through his body seems to soothe you. "I like that. It makes me feel better after work."

it's your greatest gift to make even the smallest things seem romantic. To make Leon feel special. Loved. Your hands are curious yet gentle, your lips moving with reverence against his skin. Oh God, he loves. He loves you so much his head hurts and he could cry.

"I love you so much..." and he says, breathlessly. Almost bashfully. But he could scream your name atop every roof in the city, write in blood that he loves you. And when your eyes meet his, it's a little embarrassing to him how misty-eyed he gets.

[saladscream]

Merlin’s penis is unimportant.

Arthur wants to be very clear about that.

Unimportant and as good as invisible. Inexistant.

Well, that is probably not a very fair or flattering way to put it, but Arthur only has Merlin’s best interest at heart. He doesn’t want Merlin’s penis to be thrown around the conversation with such callousness. Some things in life should remain sacred and a man’s member is absolutely no one’s business but his own.

Alas, it appears some scoundrels out there simply have no respect for the tacit etiquette that governs honest men’s lives. But then, this is Gwaine – what did Arthur expect?

And so Arthur doesn’t listen to the bawdy armoury chatter. He doesn’t want to listen.

What if Merlin’s dick is the prettiest dick Gwaine has ever seen?

Forsooth, has the man no shame?! Oh but Arthur knows what the prattler is doing, and he is fairly certain that the man has actually never seen Merlin’s manhood. Gwaine is merely baiting his fellow knights, luring them in with some savoury piece of gossip. And the tragedy is that the others are lapping it up.

It doesn’t take much to convince the evil little rumourmonger to deliver the lurid, improbable tale of how he came to be acquainted with a part of their friend that decency commands should stay firmly out of sight (and out of reach) from the likes of Gwaine.

Which is when the eager audience learns that not only is said dick pretty, but it is also, in fact, large.

‘Hung like a mule’ is the despicable turn of phrase that the wretch uses. And as though the statement required any enlargement, he adds that the cock at hand is rosy and firm and has a majestic upward curve that tilts slightly to the right when keen.

Arthur is of course outraged. To the point where his mouth feels dry and his heart dizzy.

And to his dismay, the other knights won’t shut up now. They clamour for more details and suitable points of reference. Elyan enquires about length, Percival about girth, while Lancelot remains suspiciously quiet and still – and a tad flushed.

In speechless desperation, Arthur seeks Leon’s bewildered eyes for support.

Gentle reader, there are no words to describe the abyss of betrayal that engulfs him when his longtime friend and right-hand man panics and squawks a ‘well, Arthur’s got a big prick too!’

A dubious and rather offensive hush comes over the men, and the only good thing to come out of Leon’s brainfart is that Merlin’s endowment seems to have been momentarily forgotten.

Utterly defeated and terminally mortified, Arthur gets up on stiff legs and glides out of the armoury, his dignity in tatters.

Just you wait until he gets his hands on Merlin. The prat will rue the day he showed Gwaine his privates.

Just you wait.

Merlin’s arse is his.

[Many thanks for the reblogs, comments and likes. They're greatly appreciated! ❤️]

Tagged: @miyriu @neptunesyellowsands @dollopole @shuukichan @merlininthedogpark @kintsugikid-moonysversion @toomanyfanficsbruh @blueliketheclues @solnishkomoon @evedaser @storigami @bertytravelsfar @graceless-angel @knightswaypoint

1 - Merlin's eyes

2 - Merlin's lips

3 - Merlin's hands

4 - Merlin's throat

5 - Merlin's hair

6 - Merlin's ears

7 - Merlin's legs

8 - Merlin's forearms

9 - Merlin's chest

10 - Merlin's penis

11 - Merlin's arse

[dollfacefantasy]

past the limit ♡

chris redfield x fem!reader ft. leon kennedy

you decide to act up when your boyfriend has a friend over, and he has no problem punishing you right in front of him.

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, spanking, daddy kink/ddlg, fingering, orgasm denial, praise/degradation, voyeurism/exhibitionism, marking (skin turning red)

a/n: commissioned by the lovely @skirt-russell. thank you again so so much <3

Chris nods along as Leon goes over the little points on the papers laid out across the kitchen counter. He was trying to focus. Leon had gone out of his way to stop by the house tonight just to go over some of the D.S.O's restructuring plans that might affect the BSAA.

Normally, he'd have no issue focusing on this. It was work, and when Chris was in work mode, it was hard to break that stone-faced concentration that overtook him. But today you were in a pissy mood. You'd been in one all day, giving attitude and rolling your eyes. Now you were sulking on the couch in the living room, watching some trashy tv show at a volume way louder than necessary.

So now Chris was in a pissy mood.

It was visible to Leon with how the older man kept glancing over his shoulder, as if that would telepathically communicate to you the need to get it together. The blond smirks at his friend's obvious displeasure.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asks with a small smirk.

Chris's eyes dart back to him. A bit of annoyance gnaws at him. He knows it was an innocuous comment, but it was just another reminder of your defiance; the fact that you were testing him, in front of someone else no less.

"Something like that," he grumbles.

He tries to get back to the topic of conversation, but the idea of you having some sort of perceived advantage feels like chafing between his thighs. He lets Leon finish one more sentence before he interjects.

"Just give me one second," he tells the other man before turning away and heading to the door that leads to the room just off the kitchen. He takes barely a step inside, only enough to get a look at you.

"Think you could turn that down, baby?" he says.

You don't even turn your head before shooting it down and saying "No. I'm watching it."

"How about watching it quieter?" he suggests, his tone growing clipped.

"How about you and your friend talk louder?" you retort.

A sharp exhale comes from his nostrils before he heads further into the room. He's much closer now, in a position to actually look down on you.

"How about," he starts, speaking firmly now and leaving no room for argument, "You go to the bedroom and watch it on the tv in there?"

"I was here first," you say flatly.

You still don't even look up at him, and he swears he can literally feel his blood pressure rising. His eyes feel hot and his limbs taut with irritation.

"I don't have time for petulant games. Move upstairs or turn the tv off," he says. The tone of his voice is commanding now, one he takes on when it's absolutely his way. When it's time for you to do as he says or receive punishment. You had the safeword, of course. It was there for you if you ever needed this to stay grounded. But this was exactly what you were looking for, wasn't it?

"No," you shrug. Now you do look up at him, and stare into his eyes like you can laser holes into them.

"Get your ass to bed. No tv at all now. I'm done playing with you, and I won't tell you again," he seethes. You can tell he's still reigning in his anger a bit, staying quiet to keep this conflict between the two of you.

"I won't tell you again. Fuck off," you spit.

And that's it. You'd hit the bullseye. Your boyfriend's eyes blaze with fury. Before you know it, his large fist is curled around your bicep, and you're yanked to your feet. He takes your spot on the couch and flings you face-down over his lap. One arm keeps you pinned there as he shuts off the tv.

You whine and kick your feet, but he's not having it. You don't even get a warning smack like usual. He goes straight for the waistband of your sweats and practically rips them off of you. Once your cheeks are exposed, his palm comes crashing down hard, a slap echoing through the room.

"What did you say to me, little brat?" he says before landing another lash, "You want to repeat that?"

All you can do in response is yelp at the stinging heat that radiates through your ass. Your head droops for a moment, but you stay strong and keep it up as best you can.

"What's that?" he taunts. Another slap rings out. "C'mon tell me what I heard come from that dirty mouth."

He smacks you again, ripping the words from your throat.

"I said fuck off," you whimper. You were already starting to regret your antics from how much your backside ached only a handful of hits in.

Once you repeat the words, the hardest lick yet rains down on your sore ass. You mewl and jerk your feet, but it's of no use.

"That's what I thought you said," he says. His voice is so cold it nearly sends a chill through you. "I thought you told me to fuck off, but I couldn't believe it. My baby girl would never talk to her daddy that way. She'd never say something like that to the man who takes care of her."

Oh god, the guilt. If there was one thing that made Chris the perfect candidate to have control of you, it was the way he could zip between intimidating you into submission and prodding at your emotions with ease. He continues lecturing before you get the chance to speak.

"My baby gets fussy sometimes, sure. But she'd never say something so blatantly disrespectful. Especially not with daddy's friend here," he chides.

"I'm sorry," you pout, giving him an inch.

"Oh you will be when I'm done with you. Save your apologies for now," he says.

Smack!

"Daddy, please," you whine, "I didn't mean it. I just wasn't thinking."

"Hush. I know you weren't thinking. That's obvious," he tuts, "That's not an excuse. Not one I'll accept. Thinking or not, you were behaving like a silly brat, and you know how I handle silly brats. You want to play games, you don't complain when you get your prize."

His palm tingles a bit itself from how hard he smacks you this time. You howl in pain, and he gives you another two quick slaps to drown it into whimpers.

"Quiet down. You know Leon can hear how bad you're being. He knows what's going on in here, that you're getting your naughty ass spanked by daddy," he taunts, "He knows what a needy, spoiled little girl you are."

As if on cue, Leon's head pokes through the living room door.

"Everything ok in here?" he asks. His tone is innocent enough, but you know in reality, he's asking Chris for permission to observe. Leon knew the kinds of things you and Chris got up to in your private life thanks to a couple nights when you got way too drunk and way too comfortable sharing things with him. Also Chris may have let it slip once or twice while bragging about you, but who's to say? Regardless, Leon knew, and he was interested.

Chris was fine with his interest, enjoyed it even. It felt good being admired. The thought of Leon having the two of you in the back of his mind riled him up more than he'd ever admit.

"Everything's fine. She decided to be a little mouthy, so I had to remind her how she's supposed to behave," Chris says as if it's the most casual thing in the world, "Come on in."

You feel your cheeks heating up, and you try to hide your face against Chris's hip out of instinct. He doesn't allow you that privilege though. He shifts you over his knee and tugs you back into place by your jaw as Leon heads over to a nearby chair.

"Daddy..." you whimper. A quiet plea for mercy. However, if you really needed mercy, you could call out that exact word, and it would all stop. You didn't though, so deep down, Chris knew you wanted this.

"What, sweetheart? You scared of daddy's friend all the sudden? You didn't seem so scared earlier, acting out when you knew he was here."

"It's different," you pout.

"You don't gotta worry, princess. Just act like I'm not even here. It's just you and your daddy," Leon adds, leaning back and getting comfortable. The mocking was clear in his voice, and the way he said 'your daddy' made your stomach twist in the most sickeningly erotic way.

"I tried to give you a warning, babydoll. Tried to give you a chance to be dealt with later. But words didn't work. You kept going, so now you're gonna take your punishment like a big girl."

Smack! Smack! Smack!

Three brutal hits land in the center of your butt. You shriek and buck your hips, but Chris has you held down nice and secure. You're not getting anywhere. 

Your pussy throbs between your thighs, both from the spanking and the extra set of eyes on you. You know you'll be dripping by the time this ends. You just have to last till then you remind yourself. You just had to take the punishment, and then daddy would play with you like always.

"Such a bad girl, and it's a shame because she's usually so good," he says, shaking his head, "I might be getting too soft on her."

"No, daddy," you whimper, "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I was being dumb."

He switches from spanking you to rubbing your cheeks, massaging the soon-to-be bruised skin. You can feel his eyes on you along with Leon's. Both watch you with condescending lust.

"Yeah? You think you're really sorry now?" he asks.

"I am. I won't do it again," you sniffle.

He pops each cheek once, admiring how your glowing flesh jiggles. His hand then returns to rubbing the skin when he hears your whine grow in desperation. Leon watches on with interest.

Chris hums as if he has to think your previous words over. His warm, heavy hand continues to rub soothing circles on your ass. The silence is killer, waiting for the result even worse. But you get it soon enough when he gives you a final hard, searing smack.

"I think you have had enough," he agrees, "You just needed some attention, hm? Just needed daddy to make those bad, bratty feelings go away, yeah?"

His other hand pets your head and allows you to lean into the touch. You nod along to his words. A sigh leaves you. Finally you could get to the good part. His hand slides from the swell of your bottom and nudges your thighs open. The pads of his fingertips coast over the damp fabric of your underwear.

"You think you deserve this, baby?" he asks, "You think you deserve daddy's touch after being so disobedient."

"I don't know..." The words come out soft and uncertain. It felt like a trick question, saying yes would get you in trouble but relenting to the possibility that you didn't deserve this could mean he'd take it away.

"You don't know? You were so sure of yourself earlier," he mocks.

Leon chuckles from his seat, and your head feels as though it's engulfed by the heat of humiliation. You whimper as your eyes cast down which only amuses the other man more.

"You're lucky daddy can't keep his hands off you when your ass is all cute and red like this," he says.

His digits press down on your pussy harder over the thin fabric between your thighs, drawing a mewl from between your lips. He works the thick appendages under the sticky cloth and swipes them through the gleaming slick there.

"Such a nasty little girl. Getting all wet when you're supposed to be thinking about what you did wrong," he says.

"I am thinking, daddy. Promise," you whimper. "I just-"

Before you can finish that thought, pinches your clit. Your words die by the sword of your own moan. Your hips jerk over his knee. Muted laughs come from both him and Leon. His middle finger begins to circle and tease the sweet little bud.

"Hit that button, and your brain just turns off, isn't that right, honey?" Chris coos, his voice dripping with mockery.

But you don't care about that. You were still getting what you craved. Leon and him could make fun of you as much as they wanted as long as you got your pretty little pussy played with.

"Mhm," you hum.

"Good girl. Maybe I should do this anytime one of daddy's friends is gonna come over," he says, "What do you think Leon?"

The D.S.O. agent perks up and shifts in his chair from where he had been passively palming himself. "I think that's a good idea," he agrees, "Sticking a vibrator on her little cunt would keep her in line the whole time."

Another moan floats from your lips upon hearing that. At the same time, Chris had started stroking your bundle of nerves directly. His digit flicks over it and massages at the tingling pleasure blooming from that spot.

"You like that, sweetheart? That what you need to be a good girl?" he prompts.

You nod. His fingers glide through your arousal to teasingly dip into your entrance. They don't stay there though. They drift upwards again and return to stimulating your clit alone. It's still enough to get you close, so you don't protest.

Your thighs vibrate with the impending release. You clutch at his thigh and try to hold still as best you can.

"Getting close, pretty baby?" he coos and twirls a little figure eight on your pulsing nub.

"Yeah, daddy," you whimper.

"So precious," he mutters and keeps up his efforts.

The pleasure blooms in your tummy. You can feel yourself approaching the high. Everything grows soft and hazy. Your fingers dig into his jeans as his stroke you into bliss.

"Daddy, I'm gonna cum," you whine.

But as soon as you utter that phrase, he takes it all away.

In seconds, his hand leaves the warmth of your center. He pushes your legs closed again, lightly patting your ass and boosting you onto the wobbly limbs. You feel like you're gonna collapse. Looking at him with confused urgency, you whimper and reach for him.

He grabs your hands and kisses the palms before chuckling. "You didn't think you'd get to cum, did you? That wouldn't be a very good punishment."

Your lip quivers with the intense desire to protest, but you knew he wouldn't budge. Leon laughs slightly at your dilemma. You shoot him a glare for it but then groan and stamp your foot, deciding not to complain.

"That's my girl," Chris praises. He rubs your hip bone and presses a kiss to one of your stinging cheeks. "You head up to bed. You need to rest after getting that sweet ass spanked raw. I'll be up there in a little bit."

You nod and look down, doing some sort of inverse walk of shame.

"Oh, and baby?" he calls before you can actually leave the room.

"Yeah?" you ask, turning to give him a hopeful look.

"Ever pull some shit like that again, and you'll be right back over my knee."

[barleyo]

Prom Queen. (Re-upload)

Real Dad! Leon Kennedy X F! Reader (smut)

A/N: tumblr took this down. I'm re-uploading it because idgaf. No tags because I'm lazy, read at your own risk. Obviously reader is of age, and obviously, if you DON'T LIKE what I write, DON'T READ what I write, thanks :3

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT AHEAD

You had always dreamed about your senior prom. Even as a young girl, you thought exhaustively about how the night would go. You would wear a gorgeous gown, drink spiked punch, dance and laugh with friends, and most importantly, you would go with a cute boy.

Those dreams fell flat when your strict father outlawed prom for you. He said that prom was just an opportunity for hyped up, hormonal teens to gyrate on each other on school property. Prom was a night where girls opened their legs for their subpar dates who barely made the effort to scrounge up a corsage for them. Prom was the chance for unwanted, "happy accident" babies to be made by teenaged fuck-ups.

In short, prom was for whores. Leon would be damned if he would have a nasty whore of a daughter. It made him sick to even think of you wasting your sweet, nearly virginal body on a shit-for-brains boy whose only sexual experience no doubt came from his own right hand.

So, yeah. Prom was a nonstarter.

Of course, this angered you to no end. You could be heard sobbing each night after Leon's declaration of war on you having any fun was drawn up, but a small part of you thought it was the best.

You knew that prom wasn't like how it was shown in the movies. You wouldn't get an invitation from the hottest boy in school, you wouldn't get there in a decked out limo, and the punch would be lukewarm and watered down at best.

You wouldn't dance: you would have no one to dance with. You would sit alone at one of the tables eating fun sized candy bars aimlessly scattered on the repurposed lunch room tables in your school's gymnasium, while a horde of your peers would dance nasty on each other, being free and young.

The whole time, nobody would look at you, aside from the sly glance paired with a snicker shared between two gossiping teens, indulging in the rumors that floated around about you.

Nobody would want to dance with the girl who had an overprotective daddy that fucked her. Especially when that girl liked it.

The more you thought about it, the more you came to peace with the idea of staying in with Leon. Technically, being demanded to stay at home with him meant that you were sort of, kind of asked on a "date" with a hot guy, even if you shared DNA with said hot guy.

On the day of the dance, Leon had the decency to let you skip school. You sulked in bed the entire day, thinking about what could have been, rather than what was. He did not bother you, having enough sense to let a sleeping dog lay, but at exactly 10:00 PM , you felt your phone ding under your pillow.

'Come downstairs. Wear a dress. Not one of your church ones.'

His texts were always sharp and to the point, just like he was. Commanding. Strict.

You, as always, obliged. You put on one of his favorites, the one that always left his eyes lingering on your body a little too long. As you made your way down the stairs, you heard the faint sound of romantic music playing in the living room, which you naturally followed like a trail of breadcrumbs.

"Dad, what's all this?"

Your living room looked like a scene stripped from a cheesy romance movie. Rose petals scattered on the floor, lights dimmed low, and a tall, hot stud in the midst of it all. Your father's face was stern, but past that you could see the inkling of excitement in him.

"Your prom. I know it meant a lot to you," he said gruffly, adjusting the collar of the nice shirt he wore, "so I did what I could. Hope this'll make you forgive me."

Your feet pattered softly against the cool flooring, bringing your body along with them. You took a final look around the room and let your eyes lock onto your dad.

"I do. S'okay, I'm not mad at you, daddy."

How could you ever be mad at him? Your perfectly stubborn, grouchy, yet sexy father? Your father who—

"You know I just want the best for you, right peach?" Leon grasped you in his arms, snaking both arms around your lower waist while he rested his chin on your head. "Just wanna keep you safe."

"I know."

You both stood like that for a moment, neither speaking. The soft sound of the music slowly playing in the background was the only noise filling your sense. Well, that and the husky sound of your father's breathing. And his manly, leathery scent. His strong hands placed on your body, too.

You heard him clear his throat briefly and snapped to give him your attention, something you found yourself doing often. He liked when you listened to him quickly, made him feel respected.

"May I have this dance?" Leon asked, giving you a rare smirk when you nodded.

One of his hands stayed on your waist, while the other took your hand gently and clasped it in the air, leading you into a sweet waltz. With each step, he guided you with rigid, calculated movements. His movements were neat, as if he had been planning every moment of your shared dance.

The longer you danced with him, the closer your bodies pressed together, creating a faint friction between the two of you. In that moment, any negative emotion you had felt before faded away, leaving only the image of him in your mind.

Leon knew your signs. He'd spent a long time decoding them, and the look on your face was one he read easily. With a tilt of his head, he leaned in, a soft chuckle escaping his lips when he felt your increased heartbeat against his chest.

You made the first real move, pushing your tongue deeper into his mouth. Kisses were the only time he let you take on a dominant role. He thought it was cute, feeling your smaller tongue fuck into his mouth like you were in charge. Not wanting to spoil your fun, he softly guided you backwards to the wall, giving him a surface to work with.

"You're a bold one, I'll give you that," he said, breaking the kiss. "Can't ever actually ask for what you want, but you go wild once you get it, don't you?"

You hummed, letting him pull you up and wrap your legs around his waist. His hand slid under your dress and pushed it up, giving him a view of your panties.

"God, you're soaked. So wet f'me." Leon stuck his fingers in his mouth, slurping on them and covering them with spit before he forced them past the band of your underwear. Tight, quick circles were made around your clit, denying you of any time to think. "Nobody else can play with this, you hear me? This is all mine, you don' let anybody else have you," his voice was a warm whisper that fanned across your ear.

"I promise, 'm all yours. Don't want anyone else, only you, daddy," you swore desperately, meaning every word even if it sounded like you were just babbling on.

"Fuckin' slut." He spit a fat glob onto his fingers and spread it around your cunt, lubing you up. "Thought I raised a sweet girl. Bet you act like this for the boys at school too, huh?" Your panties were slid to the side.

His teeth clenched together jaggedly as he prodded the tip of his cock at you entrance, drawing in a deep breath when he pushed it fully in.

"No, never! I don't want any of them, just want you. They aren't good enough."

"Yeah? Greedy little cunt only wants her daddy, is that right?" The ego boost he was getting from this ran through him immediately. He wound your clit up with his thumb, quickly zigzagging on the little bud to match his thrusts. "Good. They don't deserve to feel you—"

You cunt fluttered around his length at his words, leaving him biting down on his lip.

"Just like that. Gonna make me cum if you keep that up, baby."

Your mouth hung open, pathetic mewls leaking from it. Each sound he drew out of you was nearly pornographic. He bullied your guts and hit deep, far deeper than your fingers ever could, and left you far more needy than your digits did.

"Inside this time?" You had wanted it so bad for the longest time, and instead he would pull out of you and coat your soft tummy or the fat of your ass with his ropes. "I need to feel it, please. I don't wanna be empty again, jus' fill me up," you slurred, drool spilling from the corner of your plush mouth.

"Yeah," he huffed, nodding along with you words, ready to finally jump at the opportunity, "yeah, inside. I need it too, baby, you have no idea. Daddy wants to spoil you real bad, he wants to give you all the babies you want."

Your lower body tensed, squeezing him tightly as the familiar rhythmic pattern of your orgasm set in. It felt so right in that moment, like your body was made for this exact purpose: being a warm hole for your dad to fill with his hot cum.

"Ready?" He said it more like a demand than a question, and within seconds he was creaming into you, still pounding your cunt like he hated you. "Take it, don't spill."

He kept his dick sheathed away inside of you, hoping that if he kept most of his cum in you, it would take. His brow was slick with sweat and his face was flushed. He had never looked so attractive before.

You ran your hand through his hair to get his attention. When he darted his eyes up to you, you mumbled something about wanting to go again.

"Anything for you baby. Night's still young, isn't it? We got time."

[writingwisterias]

Can you do Different eras of Leons being subby? (With GN Gentle Dom Reader) DI Leon’s expression when Maria put her boot on his face did something to me!!! I know that man has a submissive side!!! (Has been infected with wanting to motorboat RE6 Leon and slap his ass to make him moan disease, its terminal 😔)

Hi Anon!

I actually love you for this and 100% agree, like make him whimper and beg until he passes out! Send any more of these thoughts my way honestly!

Anyway I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Smut, MDNI, Sub Leon, Soft Dom Leon, Overstimulation, Orgasm Denial, motorboating 😘, Oral, Restraints,

GN!Reader (No mentions of Readers body parts)

RE2, RE4R, Infinite Darkness, Damnation, RE6, Vendetta, Death Island

RE2:

Okay so, I think Leon would leave college and start the force inexperienced in anything like this so he would assume he's dom

Like that's just how his brain is wired to think, it's not really spoken about around this time - kinks etc are more taboo

So when he meets you it's almost funny at his attempts, he's uncoordinated. Sloppy. Thrusts are like borderline pathetic

But only because he's seeking your praise, he's asking if he's doing it right. If he's in the right place, if he's going at the right pace, if it feels good

It's almost off putting with the amount of questions so you take matters in your own hands.

I'm saying like making him stop and pulling yourself away from him, only for you to push him over and take control

It's almost overwhelming for him the change in pace. He's blushing because of your sudden change in command.

It doesn't actually take long for him to become a whimpering mess, pleading you, begging you for a release.

It's like a switch has changed in his head and he just becomes this puddle

He's so aroused that as soon as he cums he's thinking about it and his dick just rises again.

By the end of it, just just covered in cum with a stupid giddy smile before falling asleep.

RE4R:

At this point he's been to a literal boot camp 👀 so he's seen some shit and heard some shit.

I'd say that he's like listening to their conversations about being a sub and whisky they are saying how much they hate it. He's eager to try it.

Again it's slightly more spoken about but it's 2005 so there's not much conversation. So he wouldn't know how to approach the subject.

Until he meets you.

When it gets around the time you both consider being intimate he's blushing as you ask him what he expects. He's questioning himself like "do I say it?"

When he does he's actually shocked to see a smile grow on your face.

It's all a blur from then, his body is slick with sweat, his cheeks are so ready from either your constant praise or degrading comments.

He's whimpering, bratty and just loving it

I'd say it's a bit weird at the point for him to be subby, he's finally got a chance to hold onto something to take control for once.

Yet he passes it to someone else

I think he's just not quite ready to actually control what happens. So when you have him covered in his own cum, commanding him to cover you in it as well.

He's putty

Infinite Darkness:

My guy is cocky...a little too cocky.

I think the relationship is a switch situation. You both have your moments.

Yours just somehow happens to be more often.

He's not arguing though.

Laying back with flushed cheeks, tears in his eyes as he watched you play around with his flushed tip. Sucking him completely dry until he's shooting blanks

Should teach him for running his mouth I suppose

I think he's more inclined for slightly freakier stuff, I'm talking restraints etc

The idea of being at your complete mercy and not being able to do anything about it because of those damn handcuffs.

Because you do it so often it seeps into his brain and he finds himself still seeking your guidance even when he's meant to be Dom that night

Asking you what you want and where you want him to touch you, waiting for your approval to do so type of thing

Damnation:

So he's still cocky but this is where his personality starts to harden and he loses his spark.

I think he would try very hard to stay dominant, he thinks that's what is right. It's a role that suits his newer personality, until he meets you.

When he meets you, all these walls he's built up are crumbling down. He starts to loosen up and you sorta just slide into his life

He respects you for it, so I don't think he would be bratty towards you in anyway despite his off tone to everyone else

It would be like a "I hate everyone else but you" or He'll be shouting at someone in one moment you appear and he stops

In bed I think he would be demanding from what he wants from you, like where you should touch him, what he needs, how close he is

I would say it's more of just a need to have some control over what he wants to do. Not full control just a slither

It's more like he just wants to be respected and actually given a choice. I think the conversations would be like "so you want this today or this?" Giving him two options for how the night should go.

RE6:

Now hear me out, he's the bratty era of them all.

I'm saying that you actually have to lean more into a rough Dom instead of a soft Dom because of how much he pushes your buttons.

Open to anything, he's just needy and desperate for a fuck

Prefers blow jobs, he would rather cum in your mouth with you glaring up at him because you didn't give him permission than anything else

After China though I think he would come back different.

He's just experienced an event like what just started it all so he's going to be very shaken up. It's almost weird to you when he returns like this

Then he would be so quiet, just silently getting lost into the pleasure and intimacy of you both.

You would have to check with him a lot more during this, reassuring him you are there and all that.

Hand holding!

He's extra sensitive so I would say you could probably milk multiple orgasms from him in one night.

Vendetta:

Okay so he's a mess, like his head is everywhere but the what he's doing. Not focusing on anything, constantly drunk. Like he's just a mess

So beat him into shape (not literally)

I'm saying like he is actually just incoherent after what you have done with his.

he's covered in his own cum.

Literally thrusting towards a single finger of yours if you touch his cock.

He's also slightly pudgier after losing himself to drink and not working out as often so grab them tits.

Nipple play is randomly a huge turn on for him suddenly.

After the events of vendetta as well I'd say he's got a new look on life so when he comes home there's a slight spring in his step.

Leading you both trying out new things in the bedroom, your sex life having a new spark.

He's still big on passionate love. Wanting you to be as close as you can to him at all times, cuddle sex is a new norm.

Death Island:

At this point in time he's chilled out, happy and at peace.

I think he takes on smaller missions, meaning he's home more often

Would like to surprise you when you get home, I'm talking like being patient in bed waiting for you to get back if he wakes up with morning wood.

Would literally spend all day with a boner until you get back

But yes you mentioned Maria fighting him and he smiled so therefore he's big into manhandling. I don't make the rules

Hes agile, you could move him any way you wanted and he just accepts

Probably part of the reason he is still so agile because you are constantly stretching him out. Don't worry about not being strong enough to move him, just tell/guide him and he'll do it himself

He can also take a beating so don't be afraid to be rough with him.

Loves seeing all of your marks all over his skin, even more so if they are over the top of old scars.

[theseinfernalangels]

A Guide to my Empyrean OCs

So! As I started writing my next fic™️ (Liam time!!), I realized that it would make absolutely no sense unless you all had more context for these OCs. Of course, fics will stay in second person, but I absolutely hate using “Y/N” and wanted room for specific characters with actual backstories and such. I might end up changing some lore in the future, but I figured this would be an appropriate start. Don’t be surprised when I come back to edit this a million times 🥲

Lieutenant Freya Levine – Bodhi Durran

Rider (Marked), Graduated

The daughter of Commander Erik Levine, a close confidant of Fen Riorson, who was turned in by a fellow Tyrrish officer, Major Leon Jarrell, in turn for a pardon from execution. Quietly seeking revenge and insists on aiding Garrick and Bodhi with their weapon smuggling (much to Xaden’s dismay). Quite traditional and forces herself to adapt to her new life without her parents quickly in order to protect Sloane, her foster sister. Enjoys drawing and has a photographic memory. She’s not the best at forming friendships due to the trust issues she faces, but Bodhi is stubborn and refuses to let her wallow in peace. They grew up together and he missed her terribly when they were split up after the Apostasy. 

SIGNET: Weather Manipulation (& Unweaving Wards)

DRAGON: Spéirling (Spéir) – Female Black Swordtail

Anya Holt – Dain Aetos

Rider, Third Year, Section Leader

Raised by her mother in Calldyr in one of the most crime-ridden areas until she dies when Anya is 8. Anya is very musically inclined and has perfect pitch, and sings on the streets for money with her adopted family until she is 18. She joins the Riders Quadrant and is initially looked down upon because of her upbeat, go-with-the-flow nature. She and Dain have their differences at first, but after an unlikely encounter, a couple of crash-outs, and an almost-fatal occurrence, the two find common ground. Anya is known for being sweet but overwhelmingly honest, to the point where it can make others uncomfortable sometimes.

SIGNET: Truth-Sayer

DRAGON: Fíochmhar (Fíoch) – Male Brown Scorpiontail

Ruby St. John — Imogen Cardulo

Rider (Marked), Third-Year, XO

The second of a set of triplets, Ruby grew up often feeling overlooked and under-appreciated. That was, until, she grew to be absolutely radiant and was almost married off before the Apostasy. Snappy and fierce with an underlying sweet side, Ruby is a fighter through and through and a breath of fresh air for Imogen, who can’t help but be drawn to Ruby’s best qualities.

SIGNET: Charmspeaking (& Crystallokenesis)

DRAGON: Maisefuachd (Maise) — Female Orange Swordtail

Faelyn Fox – Ridoc Gamlyn

Rider, First Year

The daughter of tavern owners, Faelyn grew up without a lot of attention, which resulted in her becoming very impulsive to try and get their attention. Recovering kleptomaniac. Snuck away from home to join the Riders Quadrant against her parents’ wishes. Kind of has no idea of what she’s doing but is fast as hell and ultra-stealthy, which she uses to her advantage to survive in the Quadrant. Especially good at hiding and finding things (and finds herself in hot water when she finds out some classified information). Her impulsivity attracts Ridoc like a moth to a flame. She didn’t see him as much more than a friend (with benefits) until she was almost taken out by a salty cadet in a would-have-been assassination attempt, and he keeps her alive. They grow closer after that, with him helping her emotionally recover from the ordeal.

SIGNET: Concealment by touch

DRAGON: Natharthaslíoc (Nat) – Female Green Scorpiontail

Kora Callahan – Sawyer Henrick

Rider, Second Year

Comes from a long line of military heroes and is secretly terrified of never living up to her family’s high expectations. The daughter of Major Raina Callahan and Colonel Dante Callahan, she is expected to be as deadly and unforgiving as them but is actually very gentle and hates violence. She should have enlisted in the Healers Quadrant given her abundance of medical knowledge, but after the mysterious death of her father, she enlists in the quadrant in order to fight for the truth. A lot of her squadmates defer to her for healing anyway because of her quiet nature and soft demeanor. She tries not to draw too much attention to herself, as she would definitely be a target of bias due to the ruthlessness of her parents. Poor baby just wants to brew her tea and help people – but she quickly realizes that her idea of helping should be traded for a different cause. Close to Eden (see below) and spends a ton of time in the infirmary when not busy.

SIGNET: Mending

DRAGON: Cridheteòm (Cridhe) – Male Green Clubtail

Iris Balaska – Aaric Graycastle

Rider (Marked), Third Year, Executive Officer

Literally had no idea of her parent’s involvement in the Tyrrish Rebellion until it was too late. They were among the first to be executed, solidifying Iris’ hatred for the Navarrian military. She doesn’t draw much attention to herself until she spars for the first time and breaks another cadet’s arm for bad-mouthing Imogen. A quiet bundle of grief and anger who just needs to punch something every once in a while. Aaric, our chill prince, has the odd ability to soothe her temper and get her to let loose for a little bit, but that’s only after they get over their prior tension: She knows who he is right away, and he tries to avoid her at all costs because she’s lowkey terrifying and he thinks she’s threatening him (she’s not – she’s just like that). She’s just suspicious of him, though, and thinks that his father sent him to keep an eye on the Marked cadets.

SIGNET: Luck-Bender…

DRAGON: Cinniúintcluain (Cinni) – Female Red Clubtail

Ronan Lovelace — Catriona Cordella

Flier, Third-Year, Seawing Drift

Ronan is the daughter of the leader of the royal guard and has been Cat’s best friend since they were children. Since the age of six, she’s trained to become a member of the guard and secretly protected Cat for their entire adolescence. Cat has no idea that Ronan has been given the task of protecting her with her life and subsequently always stays around her, even though Cat thinks it’s just because they’re friends. Had her heart broken in multiple places when she was betrothed to Xaden, but it’s nothing she’s not used to. Witty, sharp, and soft-spoken, she’ll stay on the sidelines forever if it means Cat will get her happy ending.

GIFT: Heightening and lowering the senses

GRYPHON: Theamarou (Thea)

Lieutenant Cosette Camden-Tauri – Garrick Tavis

Rider, Graduated

The bastard daughter of King Tauri, two years older than Aaric. She was raised as Halden’s and Alic’s sister (they look remarkably identical and are close in age anyway) after being taken in by the royal family, but she is always reminded that she is not accepted. The king, as a means of getting rid of her, banishes Cosette to the Riders Quadrant – he couldn’t stand the embarrassment he felt when looking at her, and her knack for running away infuriated him. What he doesn’t expect is that she flourishes there and has more potential as a rider than a royal. Exceptional with knives and collects them over the years. Garrick is not aware of her royal status at first and defends her when other, more aware cadets harass her for being illegitimate. Once they get a little closer, she tells him who she actually is, and he vows to protect her with his life. The big sister/mom friend to pretty much everyone.

SIGNET: Light Summoning

DRAGON: Seachranréalta (Seachran) – Male Orange Morningstartail

Eden Kiyoko – Liam Mairi

Healer (former Rider), First Year (repeat)

Was originally in the Riders Quadrant until she was brutally attacked by another cadet for resisting his advances, leaving her permanently disabled and unable to continue to Threshing. Luckily, her high intelligence allowed her to transfer to the Healers Quadrant with ease. Uses a cane and is always armed – even though she’s safe with the healers, she can’t help but feel the need to protect herself after her attack and develops great anxiety about being injured again. She has the uncanny ability to feel the pain of others as if it was her own, which makes her a formidable healer and allows her to get close to leadership even as a First Year cadet. Close with Kora and studies ‘under’ her to advance her medical knowledge. Met Liam purely by coincidence – she just happened to be in the same room as him and was introduced through Iris. His gentleness and her strength compliment each other greatly. Only time will tell how great her strength truly is…

Rosarie Fuentes — Sloane Mairi

Rider (Marked), First-Year

Rosarie is the daughter of two Tyrrish military officers who were felled by General Melgren during the Rebellion. Her older sister is killed during the Calldyr Executions, which a lot of other marked cadets hold against her (because, in their opinions, she had it easier). She tends to keep to herself for fear of getting too close to people who may leave her, but who says that all friends have to be alive to be present? A childhood friend of Sloane’s who decides to reunite with her following the advice of a new (?) companion.

SIGNET: Medium (& Mirror-Walker)

DRAGON: Taibhseláidir (Taibh) — Male Red Scorpiontail

Commander Sabine Ambrose – Brennan Sorrengail

Rider, Graduated, former Wingleader

Graduated Basgiath before the Rebellion started. Her adoptive moms, scribe Elora Ambrose and Commander Danica Sharpe, adopted her and her clumsy little sister when they were small children. They raised Sabine to be intelligent and quick-witted, to never accept anything half-assed, and to be loyal to those she loves. Saves Brennan when he almost gets thrown off the Parapet by sticking his assailant in the back with a remarkably small glass knife. She’s definitely the Wine Aunt of the group, although she generally presents herself to be quite the stoic in the beginning for fear of being targeted. He is able to push through her walls, though, and allows her to feel comfortable in her own skin. Sciath, her dragon, is Marbh’s mate, forever binding her to Brennan. She follows him to Aretia and is more than keen on shielding him after he (kind of?) died – doesn’t exactly coddle him per se, but is definitely protective of him – not that he minds.

SIGNET: Shielding 

DRAGON: Sciathcion (Sciath) – Female Blue Swordtail

Lieutenant Talyn Rush — Mira Sorrengail

Flier, Graduated, Summitwing Drift

Started training to become a flier shortly after her mother and sister were killed in a skirmish against the venin. Laidback, lethal, and always equipped with an infuriating smile that grates Mira’s nerves at first. Between chasing each other around Tom & Jerry style and facing quiet evenings alone, Talyn soon finds herself entranced by the deadly daughter of General Sorrengail — and ready to give her hell for it.

GIFT: Projecting images into one’s mind

GRYPHON: Machiraine (Machi)

[dex0s]

PART TWO OF WELCOME BACK AUTHOR!

Warnings:// gun play, breeding kink, dumbification/overstim?, gn reader, fingering, biting, choking, crazy backshots, anal sex, smut with no plot, spitting, little proofread, word count 1k+

A/n — Shit I just came back and got to reading my Leon fanfics and now I have no more? Sigh… Find I’ll do it myself *enter in the music* (I had to cut out some of this shit it was getting TOO freaky)

It’s been a full week since you last saw Leon, your boyfriend. Each passing day gets longer and longer than the one before. Checking your phone for anything from him, message or call, but nothing there. The longer he’s gone the more bad ideas linger in your head. He didn’t leave you with much information, just one note on the kitchen table.

““I have a mission. I will see you once I get back” -Love, Leon”

You tried having one of his coworkers tell you what the mission was but he said it was something about the president's daughter getting kidnapped. It was hard on you to not get worried due to your guy's past. You try to stay positive, but the silence leaves you feeling anxious.

Suddenly you hear a loud noise that pulls you away from your thoughts. You lift your head sharply when hearing your front door slam shut behind someone. The sound of it was sharp, making your heart pound. A reminder that time keeps moving on the outside, while on the inside you’re left, wondering and debating whether you should grab the gun from the safe.

“Leon? Is that really you?” Your voice trembles from the shock.

You notice that something seemed off. His face looked different, tense in a way you couldn’t understand. It was like he wasn’t himself, like something was blocking his usual expression.

“Leon, are you okay?” but before you could finish, he suddenly cut me off with a strange and harsh command—just one word, “Strip.”

Confused by his actions, you sit there with a dumb look. He hardens his eye and gives you the meanness look.

Him getting more upset with you has the seconds tick by, “Fine. Since you want to act stupid—RIP— then I will treat you stupid.” His voice came out sharper, more biting, leaving no room for misunderstanding.

Taking both your pants and boxers and throwing them somewhere in the living room. He pushes you hard onto the couch. Climbing in between your legs, he grabs your legs and brings them up to his shoulders.

“Wait a minute—why are you acting like THIS—!!!” You choked on your word as Leon plunges two fingers into your hole.

Moving his fingers in and out over and over, feeling around your gummy hole. “Look you're already wet and we barely started” pulling his fingers out, he looked at you while licking his fingers like a lollipop.

You whine after losing the euphoria feeling, “Leon~ pleaseplease please—fill me up!” Trying to move your ass so you can put his fingers back inside.

“Sit still.” Leon quickly flips you over so now you are on your stomach. Putting one of his hands around your neck, he begins to lightly choke you.

“Oh—!?” You shout at the feeling of something cold getting pushed against your hole, “Why don’t we try something new? Huh doll?.”Smirking down at you after seeing your hole clench the tip of the gun.

“Leon!? Is that a GUn-“ thrusting hard into you with the gun. You don’t know if you should be afraid or excited that you have a loaded gun that at this point is a fucking dildo, up your ass.

While ramming your ass with the gun he can’t help but move his hand from your neck to a dripping hot cock.

“Look at my pretty doll—fuck— are you going to cum? Come on—and cum with me..!” He said panting like a dog. God he didn’t even get his cock in your hole and you already have him about to burst from your little moans.

Leaning down to put his mouth next to your ear. He lets out little grunts before whispering “Cum” with every thrust of the gun. Then he gradually gets louder in your ear.

“I’m cumming— LEON~ I’m cumming!!”, Letting yourself release, you look over your shoulder seeing Leon also release. Lifting up his head, you can see the little hearts in his eyes.

“Oh, we are far from done” , warping one of his hands around your waist, throwing you over his shoulder.

Arriving in y'all's bedroom, Leon throws you onto the bed. “Now the real fun is about to start”

Leon pushes you down into a mean mating press. Positioning himself with your hole. Slide in his cock it fits perfectly.

Without a moment to adjust to his size. He fucks you like hammer and your the nail. Firmly gripping your jaw. Forcing your mouth to open, then spitting in your mouth.

“I bet you love that you slut—me spitting in your mouth and drinking it like it’s holy water”

You can feel the sweat coming from his body. Hearing the love slaps of skin hitting skin.

“mngh! Leon—please!~ohhh” his fat cock was just ruining that dumb brain. Cock. Cock. Is all you need and all you want.

“You only need my cock—oh fuck!—yes! You only need my cock. I can fill you up with my children. And then you couldn’t leave me!—“

Spreading your bubble cheeks to hit deeper and harder. Watching you hole take his cock like it wanted to devour it. Taking his thumb, he applies pressure around your rim.

His cock throbs against your walls and with one last thrust, he lets out a deep grunt. Sitting there letting his cock spill a week's worth of white sticky cum inside your body, having your stomach bulged up.

“So you want to talk about what happened that made you act like this,” you managed to say with some weight in your voice. The words left your mouth before you even realized you were speaking. Then, he responded casually, almost dismissively, “Blue balls… I guess.”

Slowly pulling out his cock. The cum that was sucked in your ass can finally leak free. Taking your hand and wrapping them around his neck, he holds you close against his chest and starts to walk towards the bathroom.

“You want to go for round two?” He added with a little smile, closing the bathroom room.

[lev1ii]

Literally, anything that has to do with Nanami or Leon and I’m SOLD. Those men I stg-

dominant !! (nanami x reader, leon x reader)

cw. afab reader, older leon and kento, leon’s portion: riding, dumbification, pet name use (sweetie, baby, sweetheart). kento’s section: finger sucking, pet name use (honey), big dick ken 🤞🏼

author’s note. no because i get you completely. 😿 sorry for how short this is :( i wanted to get it released even if its short since this was from over a month ago

m.list

leon.

“c’mon, sweetie.. i know you’re having fun, hm?” leon cooed as he kept his hands on your hips, guiding your hips up and down in a way that dumbed you down to sweet whines and moans as you rested your head on his shoulder. “there you go.. just like that..” he smiled as he pressed sweet kisses on your forehead.

he gave your ass a light smack to keep you going, your hips rocking against his with an unstable pace. leon let out a soft groan as he gripped your ass, glancing down to watch as he got you to rock your hips faster with just the slightest guidance.

“‘m getting tired, leon.. please, baby..” you whined in his ear.

“you’re getting tired, sweetheart?” he cooed softly, holding you close with one arm while the other helped you rock your hips. “there you go.. see? you can still do it, baby..”

kento.

“just relax, honey.. i know work’s been having you stressed recently..” kento whispered softly, hooking your legs over his shoulders while he slowly pumped his cock inside you.

you let out a soft cry as you felt the tip of his cock nudging perfectly inside you. “hngh.. k-ken..” you gasped softly.

“i know, love.. you’re handling me so well, huh..” kento smiled above you, his hand moving to brush his thumb against your thumb. “suck, baby..” he commanded, a hint of satisfaction showing on his face as your lips enveloped his thumb. you clung to his arm some as you felt his cock bullying its way inside you, your eyebrows furrowing in pleasure.

he wasn’t even going rough, he just took up so much space inside you that it was making it hard for you to think at this point. “h-hon..” you whined out, your head resting back as you felt him pick up the pace.

kento cupped your face as he leaned down to kiss you sweetly, giving your thighs a slight burn from the way he had them pressed against your body.

[merlinmylove]

Guilty or not

As everyone should know, the combination of Gwaine, boredom, and alcohol, does not bode well. Especially for a certain manservant who hasn’t had a drink in over two years.

A short patrol around the eastern borders of Camelot had quickly become an impromptu hunting trip: jovial and relaxed.

The knights of Camelot, their King, and his servant were all sitting around a large bonfire, drinking and having fun. Well, the knights were having fun; Merlin had spent most of his evening preparing, cooking, and cleaning, but finally, come nightfall, he was able to sit down and enjoy a warm cider with the rest of the men.

It was his first drink in many, many years, and he thoroughly enjoyed it. He sipped it gently as it warmed his hands.

After some time, Gwaine grew bored, and suggested they all play a game of “Guilty or Not.” Upon the confused looks, he explained the tavern game.

“We each take a turn making a statement, and if it applies to you, or you are guilty of doing this, you must take a drink.” He took a small sip of his ale as an example.

Merlin laughed with the others. It sounded like harmless fun.

“Eventually, we will all be so drunk we end up revealing all our darkest secrets.” He shot a wicked grin to the group, who chuckled at him. As he was the one to suggest the game, Gwaine volunteered to go first.

“I am guilty of having more than two maidens in my bed at once.” He grinned and took a dramatic sip. Elyan smirked as he took a drink. Everyone hollered and laughed. “Alright, because you drank, it’s your turn now, Sir Elyan.”

“I’m guilty of…stealing from the palace kitchens.”

Everyone drank at this, including Arthur, and the laughter continued. “Who now, we all drank?” Someone asked, and Gwaine pointed. “Elyan gets to pick who asks the next question.”

Merlin watched as Gwen's brother pondered for a moment before he pointed at Leon, who was sitting next to Gwen's husband.

“I pick Leon.” The knight smiled at his commander. Sir Leon, who sat opposite Merlin, looked deep in thought. “Alright, alright. I’m guilty of…” He paused and smirked, “— lying to the King.”

Once again, everyone drank, and Arthur laughed loudly. He slapped his hand on his thigh in mock surprise. Merlin nearly fell off their shared log from the movement.

“What? All of you! For shame, I’ll have to throw my own knights in the stocks. Fine, fine. I get to choose, then. Merlin, you’re next.” Arthur cocked his jaw out and eyes Merlin in a combative way.

“Please, he’s got nothing exciting to add. Let’s see, he’s guilty of falling asleep standing up.” Sir Kay laughed, and while Gwaine smiled a little, it wasn’t entirely genuine.

“Or guilty of tripping over his own feet into cow dung!” Arthur added, laughing. The young servant sat beside him, nursing a small cup of cider. He’d only drunk twice so far. He smiled and pretended to think.

Fine, if this is how the Prat wants to play it.

“Hmm…” Merlin hummed. He looked up at the clouds above the trees as he spoke perfectly clearly. “I’m guilty of receiving the favour of a Princess.”

No one drank. Not even Arthur. Merlin, however, took a big sip of his cider. Feinting innocence, he asked, “What? Have none of you revived such a gift?”

“What?!” Arthur exclaimed as he grabbed Merlin’s shoulder. “Who in their right mind would give you a favour?” Had Merlin not known his king so well as he did, he would’ve assumed the outrage was real and not just a way to cover up his surprised shock.

“You sound awfully jealous there, princess.” Gwaine teased. Neither Merlin nor Arthur deigned to respond.

“Mithian — yes, she asked me to call her by her maiden name — gave me a silk embroidered neckerchief as a token of our friendship. She called me handsome and said should I ever wish to work as a court physician, I would be welcome in her Kingdom.” Merlin smirked at his King.

Silence befell the camp. The knights sat with mouths wide open, staring at him. Merlin smiled innocently. He reached down into a bowl and popped a grape in his mouth. He chewed loudly in defiance.

“Since no one drank, I suppose I should ask another question.” He tapped his chin in false ponder. Beside him, Arthur scoffed because, of course, he did. Merlin decided on his next question.

“I am guilty of throwing hard steel objects at innocent servants when they’re two minutes late with breakfast.” He looked pointedly at Arthur, who had to take a small sip. The mood around the campfire soured a little.

“Alright, fine. It won't happen again. Next question; I am guilty of spending all my free time at the tavern.” Arthur tried to get back at Merlin, making him drink, but only Gwaine and Kay drank. The King rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Merlin. We know that’s where you spend your free time — and your working hours too!” Arthur cajoled, but Gwaine coughed. They both look over at the knight. “I’ve never seen him there, Princess. Never.”

Now, everyone looked at Merlin. Raised eyebrows and confused smiles stare back at him. Merlin shrugged at them.“You do know I have another job, right?” Arthur nodded uncomfortably.

“I’m a physician; I heal your citizens. I make and deliver medicines, and I forage for herbs and ingredients in the woods at night when I have time.” Merlin ate another grape, and the knights hummed in understanding. They’d all seen him return in the early mornings, covered in moss and river water, bags filled with plants and.

“Or maybe I’m simply visiting a friend; my free time is my own time, sire. It’s not for you to judge.” Merlin poked a knobbly finger into Arthur’s rib. The King huffed a little in defeat and smiled.

Leon, however, looked a little unsure. “But then why does Gaius always say that you’re at the tavern?”

As Merlin answered his question, he directed his head at Arthur, because really it was for him to hear.

“To be fair, he’s only said that, like, twice. And both times, I was out...snooping.” Arthur laughed at this, as did many others. Merlin’s eyes softened at his king as he continued.

“As a servant I am often overlooked, and so I hear and see things others don’t. I spend some of my time spying on people who wish our King ill. I find the proof and hand it over to the guards because who would trust the word of a servant? Occasionally, I handle the situation myself. But any other time you’ve not found me, you've just come to your own conclusions, and even when I tried to correct you, you didn’t believe me…so.”

Merlin ended it all with: “I’ve only set foot in a tavern twice — and always with you.”

“And once with me!” Gwaine shouted and held up his cup in a mock salute. He was clearly wanting to smooth over the conversation and get back to the fun.

Merlin saluted with his cup, too, allowing his friend to steer the conversation. “Alright, enough serious talk. Let’s get deeper! I am guilty of being banished!” Gwaine drank at his own question and laughed as Lancelot drank too.

They decided it was Sir Lancelot's time to ask the question. “Oh, it’s me then? Hmm, I am guilty of passing the knight's test on the first try.” He drank, as did Leon and Kay.

“That’s not fair, we never had a test!” Elyan interrupted, but Arthur held out his hand. “You helped me retake Camelot after Morgana invaded. I’d say that’s a pretty good test of strength. In my eyes, you’ve all passed the test on the first try.”

Gods, his king was incredible. Even now, surrounded by the dark trees and the moonlight shining down, his golden hair glowed like a crown adorned his head. He sat tall and confident on a log, legs stretched out before him, warming his feet by the fire.

Merlin hated how beautiful he looked, even while disheveled and tired.

“In that case, Merlin also passed the test.” Lancelot pointed out and threw him a bread roll. “You go next.”

Merlin didn’t know what to say next, or what he could possibly confess too, without revealing his magic. Most of his life has been, and must still, remain a secret. But he could possibly bend the truth a little. Besides, this was meant to be a fun game.

“I am guilty of sharing a bed with someone here.” He took a sip and then another. Both for Gwaine and for Lancelot.

Percy and Gwaine drank too, and Lancelot giggled a little as he took a small sip of his drink. “Don’t suppose you mean that in a friendly way, Merls.”

He winked. Nope, he definitely did not. Once again, laughter and voices echoed through the trees, as each knight tried to pry out of the others whom they might have shared a bed with.

The evening continued in a happy fashion, each man making more ridiculous and fantastical statements and more and more alcohol being drunk. Their happiness was infectious, and soon he felt himself relax and bask in the happiness.

He drank once, and then twice, and then again, and again, and again until he lost count of how much cider he’d drunk.

Merlin, who rarely partook in these activities, was beginning to feel the effects of the copious amounts of alcohol he’d drunk. His legs were heavy, his ears ringing a little, and his blood rushing through his body with excitement.

He was a giddy and giggly mess.

The moon was shining bright. The birds were asleep on the branches above their heads. The grass was lovely and dewy to the touch. His hands were kept warm by the hot cider in his cup, his feet too were warmed by the fire, and his King sat next to him, their thighs touching.

Merlin hadn’t had such a lovely evening in the longest time.

“Now you again, Merls.” He heard Percival tell as he wiped a tear from his eyes. Sir Kay had told a particularly funny story involving a donkey, a tavern wench, and a missing apple pie.

Merlin, who was already drunk and trembling with excitement, stumbled up to his own two feet. This would be fun, he thought. Everyone thinks him an idiot, but this will show them he can be just as brave as a knight.

“I am guilty of surviving a serket sting!”

He took a big swig of his cider and sat down again. He laughed at their shocked faces. Of course, they didn’t believe him.

“I’ve got the scar to prove it,” Merlin said, and he lifted up his shirt to show the left side of his torso, where the scar was still etched into his skin. Around the campfire, murmuring and gasped voices echoed.

“Merlin!” Arthur yelled, pulling him closer as if he was currently in any danger. As knights, they had all seen wounds and scars like that before, but only ever on dead men.

“How did you survive it?” Percy wondered out loud. Merlin smiled at his friends' worried eyes. He was so happy he had them in his life.

“Dragoon found me,” Merlin explained as best he could. Of course, it had been his dragon coming to his rescue, but he couldn’t say that. So a tiny little lie was all the answer he could give. “He saved my life using magic, which is why I could never tell anyone.”

Leon gulped, and Arthur winced in embarrassment. Any whisper of magic would’ve been a danger to Merlin, and they both knew it. Even if he was just the recipient of it.

“How did it even happen?” Arthur kept his hand on Merlin’s side, warm fingers tracing the scar. Merlin’s skin shivered at the touch.

“Remember when I told you that I snooped around?” Arthur nodded.

“It was after Morgana had returned to Camelot. I suspected she was secretly working with Morgause to overthrow you and Uther. She was, of course, but I couldn’t tell anyone. So instead I spied on her, and kept foiling her plans whenever I could.” Merlin chuckled at the memories, failing to notice the horrified looks on the knights' faces.

He went on to explain how Morgana had discovered him in the woods that night and left him to die in a serkets nest. He could see the heartbreak in Arthur’s eyes, but as usual, his king hid it well from the others.

If Merlin was a braver man, he’d kiss him happy again.

“They say the pain is…unimaginable.” Elyans soft spoken voice drew Merlin away from staring at Arthur's eyes. Elyan sighed as he spoke, as if he didn’t even want to hear Merlin’s reply.

“Oh, it was more painful than anything you will ever experience on the battlefield. Death by a thousand cuts would be more merciful.” Arthur’s hand gripped at his torso and pulled him in even closer. Merlin revelled in it.

“How are you so…nonchalant about this?” Sir Kay seemed baffled at Merlin’s comments. Perhaps to a younger knight, it was difficult to understand the plights of servants and how impossible it was to keep a certain royal prat alive.

“Oh, it’s like I always say: try your best to hide your sadness!” Merlin winked at him, which earned him another strange look.

Hmm. This simply wouldn’t do. He was having such a lovely evening, and Merlin refused to let the good times pass.

“Now, don’t look so down! I lived, and I spent the whole next day cleaning his highness’s royal socks!” He jabbed, but no one laughed.

He’d have to find another, perhaps funnier or more surprising, sin to confess... “Ugh, you guys are no fun! Next one, I am guilty of grave robbing!” Merlin declared happily.

Multiple eyes were fixed on him as Merlin took another sip. No one drank. Hmm.

“Another one then, alright. I am guilty of breaking into the royal treasury.” He boasted as he took another big gulp of cider. No one spoke or drank. Something had to change, surely they had more things in common.

The warm apple cider filled him with courage, and Merlin knew exactly what he would say. No one would ever have guessed this!

“I am guilty of attempted regicide!” Merlin yelled happily. He took a hefty swig of his drink, smiling sappily at Arthur. There, that ought to get the conversation going again.

No one noticed Gwaine taking a drink.

“You’re supposed to drink, Arthur.” He said, handling his arm as he tried to lift the cup to his mouth. The king stopped him.

“Merlin,” Lancelot tried to interject, protective as always, but the damage was done. He sat down again as Leon looked over.

“Me or my father?” Arthur questioned with sadness in his eyes. He looked like he couldn’t possibly believe what Merlin had said, yet he needed to know the answer.

Merlin shrugged, still feeling warm and pleasant from the cider. “You. I never actually harmed Uther, even though I wanted to. And believe me, I wanted to.” He grumbled.

“But don’t worry, Arthur; It was Morgana who had enchanted me into killing you. I didn’t do it on purpose. Thankfully, Gwen noticed my behaviour and stopped me. Lance also helped break the curse.”

Merlin rambled and waved at Lancelot. “Your wife is so smart and so kind, even though she hit me over the head with a bucket.” His two best friends had worked tirelessly for days to end the curse before Merlin ended Arthur’s life. He loved them both so much.

“You were cursed to kill me?” Arthur grabbed his hand and drew Merlin out of his happiness. He nodded dumbly.

“Morgana kidnapped me and stuck this ugly snake thing in my neck. It took over my mind and body completely, I barely remember waking up. Guess we should all be thankful I am a terrible assassin.” He giggled and sipped a little more cider.

“Leon was in on it, too! He gave me weapons, and my only real plan failed because you turned around at the right second. Otherwise, the arrow from Leon’s crossbow would’ve killed you instantly.”

The senior knight gasped in realisation, “You told me you needed a crossbow to kill the king! I never thought you were being earnest, though. I just assumed you were annoyed with Arthur, as usual.” Leon looked at Arthur in apology, but his fellow knight grabbed his hand.

As Lancelot held his hand, he grimaced. “He also poisoned your bath water, sire, and rather spectacularly if I may say so. It was bubbling and oozing green, I’ve no idea how Merlin thought anyone would get in there willingly. It melted away the steel, and we had to replace the tub.” Lancelot tried so hard to turn the conversation pleasant again, by making a joke, but no one laughed.

A pity, Merlin thought. The memory of it was rather funny.

Merlin smiled at Arthur again. “Don’t worry, sire. I would never actually harm you. Gaius believed my subconscious was working against the cursed snake, deliberately trying to fail my attempts. Even while cursed and unconscious, I would never wish you harm.”

Now happy that he had assuaged Arthur’s worries, he continued on his course. “But it wasn’t just you. I also considered killing Bayard once after the poisoned goblet, you know. Remind me never to drink poison for you again; it was awful.”

“And I tried twice to kill Cendred and Alined for harming you and Camelot. They both wanted to start a war, but I didn’t let them.”

He pursed his lips in deep thought. “Does it count as regicide if I tried to kill a Duke? Because Lord Abarnathy had it coming.”

“How did you…what?” Percy asked gently about the admitted treason, and Merlin was very happy to explain.

“The old duke was far too handsy with the young maids, so I doused his regular sleeping draughts with a tincture of poppy flowers, which is said to have a rather…relaxing effect. Safe to say, he’s never gonna get it up again.” Merlin giggled into his cup, the cider warming his lips.

“You made the master of coin impotent?”

“Yup!”

“Any other important people you’ve killed or seriously injured?” Leon choked, and Merlin replied simply.

“A High priestess or two.” Arthur’s grip on his thigh tightened, and Merlin delighted in it. It wasn’t just the alcohol keeping him warm.

“I killed Nimueh after she released the questing beast so that you could live. A life for a life.” His king looked at him with wide eyes, mouth hanging open. Merlin was happy to see that his king was happy about this. He was rather proud of that decision.

See, he thought, as the knights seemed perplexed. He could be brave and dangerous, too. Merlin added at last;

“And though it was technically Morgana who delivered the final blow to Morgause, I was the one who cracked her skull open.” Merlin smiled happily.

“Merlin, mate, let’s get you some water. Right, come here.” Gwaine, ever ridiculous but kind, tried to get him away from the fun with promises of fresh water.

Water.

“Speaking of water, my dead lover lives in a lake.” He said as Gwaine handed him a waterskin. It was refreshingly cold. He drank half of it. For a second, he wondered if Freya ever drank the water she lived in, but as she was dead, he assumed she didn’t.

Gwaine sputtered above him, and Arthur withdrew his hand that had been holding onto his thigh for so long. He missed the touch already. “I haven’t seen her in a while. I’ve been far too busy looking after a certain king.” Merlin reassured the man, hoping he wouldn’t be too upset.

The hand didn’t return, and Merlin felt himself grow colder. Why did Arthur stop holding his thigh? It was so nice.

“Your lover?” Someone asked, Merlin couldn’t make out who. He downed the rest of his water. “Well, we only knew each other for two days before she died in my arms, but I buried her in the lake, and I still see her from time to time. She’s very nice.”

“You’re drunk outta your mind, aren’t you? None of this is true. I don’t believe you.” Kay muttered to himself.

“When was the last time you had a drink, Merlin?” Gwaine asked as he handed Merlin another waterskin.

“D’you remember when we fought those pheasants? In the perilous lands? Yeah, I found you in a tavern!” Merlin beamed.

“What on earth were you two doing in the perilous lands?” Elyan exclaimed.

“Looking for a fisherman’s trident, or hook, or something. We had to save Arthurs ass like always; he wore this cursed bracelet from Morgana, and he was about to die, but in the end we saved him!” He clapped Gwaine's chest as if they had just won a round of dice.

“He joined you on your quest?” Leon whispered incredulously.

“The bracelet was cursed?” His king mumbled as he kept his gaze down.

“Yup, she wanted you to die alone and afraid. Horrible, horrible person. She’s done so many awful things that you don’t know about because I couldn’t tell you.” Merlin said and clicked his fingers to explain. “Like when she framed Gwen as a sorceress so she would burn at the stake.”

“What?!” Several people burst out.

“The love enchantment, it wasn’t real, of course, but you knew that. Morgana planted it so Gwen would die. Lucky for all of us, I found a sorcerer willing to take the blame and escape, otherwise, she would be dead now.” He sombered.

Arthur, Elyan, and Lancelot all looked at each other, horrified. “She wanted to kill Guinevere?”

“Hmm, she feared she would be the queen of Camelot, and Morgana detested the idea of a servant,” Merlin spat, “sitting on her throne.” Although her plan did work in a roundabout way, Gwen had, out of fear for her life, decided to stay with Lancelot.

“So you found Dragoon, and what? Asked him to take the blame and burn at the stake? Who in their right mind would do that?!” Arthur reacted. At least he was looking at Merlin now. Good, he had missed his pretty eyes.

“Someone who didn’t want to see you heartbroken. Anyways, we both knew he would escape, and it enraged Morgana. That was a fun day.” Merlin kicked his feet together.

Wait.

“Dragoons escape, that is, not Gwen's trial. That was horrible, and I still have nightmares about it. But seeing Morgana slowly getting angrier and angrier was fun.” He explained to Elyan, who hasn’t been present for any of this. He had unfortunately been the victim of Morgana himself, though.

Which reminded him;

“It was also she who kidnapped you and Gwen because she knew Arthur would come to your rescue. And because he would have to cross the border, it would incite a war. She was working with Morgause and Cendred to organise the whole thing.”

Gwaine tried to grab him and make him stand up, but Merlin didn’t feel like it. He had more to say.

“I think it’s my fault she turned evil, you know…because I tried to kill her. But I had no choice! Morgause had cursed the whole of Camelot to sleep, remember? When we tried to dress your father up as a servant woman? And the only way to end the curse was to kill Morgana.” Merlin spoke to his shoes, toeing his left foot under some wet moss.

She never forgave him for that. And maybe he would never forgive himself for it either. Oh well.

“Anyways, they’re both dead now,” Merlin mumbled into his waterskin, the cool water calming his too-hot skin. Gwaine still had a hand on his shoulder, steadying him. Such a wonderful friend, and handsome too.

“Thanks, mate. But let’s get you some food to soak up the cider, huh?” Gwaine replied as Merlin realised he’d said the last part out loud. He was handed a somewhat stale bread roll. Merlin munched on it.

“I think you should sleep now, Merls. Come, I’ll get your bedroll out.” Percival stood up and gestured for him to do so, too, but Merlin simply giggled.

“Taking me to bed, Sir Knight? You know, I had a dream like this once, only you were not wearing—”

“Someone make him shut up!” Arthur grumbled angrily, and Merlin winked at him. “Don’t worry, sire, I’ve dreamt about you too.”

Arthur grabbed his jacket and pulled him closer, clearly not done with the conversation. Merlin would have made an embarrassing noise had this not been in front of the others.

“All of this happened, and you never told me.” Arthur's voice was small. It hurt his heart to hear his great king speak like this. Arthur deserved all that’s good, not deception and lies.

“Well, how could I? She was your friend and equal, the King's ward…I was just a servant.” Merlin hummed in response. That part was true.

“You were never just a servant, though, at least not to me.” Arthur professed.

“Maybe not to you, but to anyone else I was. And still am. My word counts for nothing, so I tell no one.”

Sir Leon handed him another piece of bread. “What else have you done for Camelot but had to keep secret?”

Too much, was the answer. Too much to remember. Merlin tried to focus his thoughts, but his brain felt like scrambled eggs. After a few seconds, he could recall a couple of memorable stories at least.

“I killed Cornelius Segan when he attacked. I killed both of the undead armies, even though Morgana took the credit for the first one, despite it being her who summoned the skeletons.” Bitterness soaked his voice as he remembered how spiteful she had looked at him.

Thankfully, his second attempt had worked better.

“The second time, I killed them with Lancelot's help.” Merlin smiled at his friend, who smiled back. “He protected me as I went up against Morgause and emptied the cup of all the blood. Gods, there was so much blood! And it took days to scrub the floors clean, I still have blisters.”

Merlin thought further back.

“I stopped King Alined when he gave you a love potion so you would defile Lady Vivian, and her father would start a war in her honour. I couldn’t tell you because then you’d confront him, and he would demand a war against Camelot. After all, I was just a servant, and such an accusation would be a slight on his character.”

Arthur inhaled quickly as Merlin kept talking. “Keeping you out of the loop was safer for everyone.” He swallowed some dry bread and reached for his cup, but it had disappeared.

Huh?

“Anyways, Gwen broke the love potion, and you were saved! And you ended the fight in an honourable way like always.” Merlin was nothing if not besotted. And a little miffed that he never got a chance at kissing Arthur.

The King and Leon had opened their mouths in recollection and seemed to be processing the memories in a different light. Merlin ignored this and continued.

“When a sorcerer tried to kill your father in a tournament, I interrupted his fighting so he would lose.”

That had been a difficult week, and he missed Gilli very much. He would like Gwaine, Merlin realised. He’d have to write to him and hope he would come visit one day.

“Also, I stopped the Witchfinder and any other druid catchers who captured innocents for payment. Your father bought humans, Arthur — he bought people from them with no proof that they were sorcerers. You know Gaius was innocent, but the witchfinder's word was final. Others were innocent too…like Freya.”

He sighed and kicked his foot a little. A small pebble flicked across the camp. Merlin suddenly felt cold and tired; the cider had either worn off, or he was simply feeling the effect of the evening turning morose.

He looked down at his bread roll.

“I’ve thrown out so much food and drink because someone had poisoned it. That’s why I always eat off your plate, I am your poison tester. Gaius says I’m immune to a dozen poisons at this point.”

At least that was cool. He didn’t have much else going for him, but at least he could drink hemlock and survive long enough to make his own antidote.

“I have done so much work from the shadows, sire, I cannot recall it all,” Merlin whispered into the sky. The cider was no longer making his skin buzz but had instead become a thundering headache.

“You’re not really a manservant, are you?” Leon surmised. He phrased it like a question, but everyone could hear the truth in his statement.

“I was awarded the position as manservant to the prince for saving his life. All these years, I’ve done exactly that, yet no one has noticed.”

Arthur moved away from him. Merlin felt himself grow colder.

“I know none of you believed me when I spoke of it before, but I have always been Arthur’s protector. Call me spymaster if you wish, for all I do is look out for him. And sometimes Camelot, but always Arthur.”

“So you’re not really a fool then; that was also a lie.”

“No…just another part of my charm. I’ve always been clumsy, but playing it up helped cover up my spying. No one would believe me capable of snapping a man’s neck if I kept spilling wine all over myself at dinnertime.”

“Have you done that?” Gwaines sad eyes met his and Merlin nodded. Sure, he’d not done it with his hands but rather his magic…but as his magic was a part of him, so yes.

“Come here, Merlin. Let’s get you ready for bed.”

“No, no, I gotta get Arthur ready for bed, he gets prissy when I don’t tuck him in at night and then I gotta listen to his complaints in the morning, and then he will throw his breakfast at me and—”

Arthur stopped his rambling. “Shut up, Merlin.”

“You always say that, but we both know you don’t mean it. You like my voice and my rambling, even my nagging, you told me once that it brings you peace and that it calms you down when you’re—”

Arthur clapped his hand over Merlin’s mouth. Merlin licked it.

“Gross.” His king grimaced and pushed Merlin into Lancelot's arms. “Hopefully, he will sleep off this ridiculousness. We will talk tomorrow.”

“He always calls me ridiculous, but we both know he doesn’t mean it,” Merlin mumbled as he leaned on Lancelot. The older knight walked them over to the shaded corner of the campfire. They had splayed out some bedrolls for the first watch there, and Merlin was happy to see his next to Arthur’s.

Side by side. Next to each other in sleep but never in life.

“It’s not fair, y’know,” he mumbled into his friend's arm. “Gwens got both you and Arthur, and I’ve got none, she kissed him and I never did. And Will died and Freya died, and Gilli left and you married Gwen, and I’m all alone. I share a room with Gaius, ugh.” His mouth was stale and dry.

Lancelot pulled his boots off and removed his jacket. Merlin’s limp arms allowed him to do all the work.

He smacked his lips together. “And I’ve got no one; the only one who talks to me is ‘Garrah but he’s a rude old lizard, and he never laughs at my jokes, and he doesn’t like Arthur, so I don’t like him anymore, and my mother lives so far away, and—”

Lancelot helped him lay down into the roll, literally tucking him in. He’s so kind, the very picture of a knight. If Merlin had been born an artist he’d like to draw Lancelot with his red cape and glorious hair.

“And I’ve killed so many people, and I hear their screams in my nightmares, and I can hear the sound of druid children screaming for help when I’m out in the woods, but I ignore them because all my attention is on Arthur, and the guilt is eating me alive.”

Merlin closed his eyes and felt Lancelot stroke his hair, just like his mother used to do when he was sick.

It was a welcoming comfort in the cold forest. He felt the ground rise up and down underneath him like a ship on the waves, except he’d never been on a ship, he’s hardly ever left home before.

Maybe one day, he and Arthur could go on a boat trip. They’d fish and bask naked in the sunlight, pick seashells, and count the birds.

“But he has to do the rowing because my arms get tired easily, and I bet he’d look good covered in sweat and sea salt,” Merlin told himself as he tucked his chin into his arm.

In his sleep, he failed to notice the confused and horrified looks from all the knights.

- - - -

“So we all agree never to let Merlin drink again, yeah?” Gwaine told the group. The fire crackled throughout the camp. The men nodded as they kept their gaze on the sleeping servant. He had fallen asleep within seconds.

“Did any of you know?” Arthur accused his knights and frowned when Lancelot returned to his place. He nodded gently.

“I knew some of it, sire. But not all. Merlin keeps his cards close to his chest and rarely tells anyone unless he must. He prefers to act on his own.”

“He spoke as if you’ve helped him with his spycraft before,” Kay remarked, and he shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m sure you’ve all heard that when I first became a knight, it was at the basis of a forged seal of nobility.” He saw the men nod in acknowledgment.

“Who do you think made that near-perfect seal?” Lancelot smirked a little at their baffled expressions. “He’s smarter than he lets on. By playing the part of an idiot, he stays alive.”

“Looks like he deserves a day off,” Leon joked. “Working three jobs; manservant, physician, and spymaster…he’s been busy.”

“If I may suggest something, Arthur? We could invite Hunith to Camelot, allow her to stay for the spring harvest, and a longer stay would please Merlin greatly.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. The knights dispersed around the camp, some to tidy and some to keep watch. But Arthur stayed on the log he once shared with Merlin.

He watched as Merlin’s chest rose and fell in perfect silence. His servant looked so innocent and sweet as he slept, but Arthur knew now that his demeanour could be deceiving.

Merlin took on the role of spymaster voluntarily and untasked simply because he wanted to protect Arthur.

Merlin had killed people. For him. For Camelot.

Merlin, the same man who cried at pretty flowers and baby birds, had snapped a man’s neck. He’d attempted to kill several kings. Despite all this, Arthur wasn’t afraid of him. He could never be afraid of Merlin.

While he had always felt as if he knew Merlin like he knew himself, it turned out that Merlin knew him better. “I do enjoy his nagging. As annoying as it can be, I do enjoy it.” He admitted to himself, not caring if the others heard. Merlin knew him so well that he had even noticed this.

Now that Arthur knew this other side of him, he could begin to mend the broken trust between them. He would show Merlin that he deserved his honesty. That it was safe to tell him more of his secrets without fear of losing their friendship.

To think that he might never have known this side of Merlin, had he not been in a stupor. All this was wilfully concealed from him. For his own good, as Merlin described it.

Arthur didn’t recognise half of the names Merlin had mentioned in his drunken state, but he hoped Merlin would be brave enough to tell him about them in the morning. Or maybe the day after, depending on his headache, come morning light. Gods knows how much his own head will hurt when he wakes.

Arthur readied himself for bed, missing the touch of Merlin’s expert hand. He downed enough water to sober him up and unlaced his boots. Merlin was fast asleep in the roll beside him, and Arthur found his presence comforting.

Merlin had always been a comfort to him. His easy smile and happy laugh. His bright eyes and mischievous behaviour enticed him. He had never let anyone in as close as Merlin.

Merlin had entered his life ten years ago and attached himself to Arthur like fungus to a tree. And Arthur had enjoyed every last second of it.

Merlin meant more to Arthur than he’d ever admitted to anyone, let alone himself. Hearing Merlin’s drunk admission of wanting to kiss him filled him with hope.

Tomorrow, they would talk.

Tomorrow, Arthur would tell Merlin all that he deserved to hear.

Until then, he fell asleep breathing in the scent of Merlin, feeling his warmth beside him, and listened to his sleepy, senseless mumbling.

[sunshinedaisywrites777]

Shadows of the Past, Light of the Present (DI!Leon Kennedy x F!Reader)

Warnings- Bad experiences of the reader with her ex, age gap (Leon is in his 30's, reader is in her 20's)

A/N- Thank you everyone for all the likes and reblogs. All are much appreciated 💜

The mall was buzzing with life, filled with the chatter of families, the click of high heels on tiled floors, and the occasional excited squeal from children exploring toy stores. You and Leon wandered side by side, his hand comfortably resting at the small of your back.

“This place is huge,” Leon said, scanning the rows of electronics stores. “You sure we won’t get lost in here?”

You smirked. “We’ll be fine as long as you don’t run off.”

Leon chuckled. “Not a chance. I’m your bodyguard, remember?”

The two of you stepped into an electronics store, your eyes lighting up at the sight of sleek gadgets and shiny displays. Leon leaned against a shelf while you examined a set of wireless speakers.

“This one’s good,” you said, pointing to a compact model with excellent reviews.

Leon crossed his arms, tilting his head thoughtfully. “But does it work with that overkill TV you’re eyeing? Or are we gonna have to come back to upgrade the speakers next month?

You laughed, playfully nudging him. “Hey, quality matters! Plus, you’ll thank me when you’re watching movies with surround sound.”

His phone buzzed in his pocket, interrupting the banter. Leon frowned as he checked the screen. “Work,” he muttered, his expression briefly serious. “I’ll just take this real quick, okay?”

“Go ahead,” you said, giving him a reassuring smile.

Leon stepped outside the store, leaving you to continue browsing. You were engrossed in comparing two models of soundbars when a voice you hadn’t heard in a long time pulled you from your thoughts.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here.”

Your heart sank as you turned to see your ex standing a few feet away, hands in their pockets, a smirk playing on their lips.

“What do you want?” you asked, keeping your tone neutral.

“Relax, I’m just being friendly,” they said, though the edge in their voice was far from kind. “Funny running into you like this. Guess you’re still into shopping for shiny toys instead of fixing what’s real.”

You stiffened. “This isn’t the time or place for this. Just leave.”

But your ex wasn’t done. “I still can’t believe how fast you moved on. Does he know how clingy you get? Or how you used to cry over the smallest things? Must be exhausting for him.”

Their words hit a nerve, memories of the toxic relationship flashing through your mind. You clenched your fists, determined not to let them see you falter.

Just then, a familiar voice cut through the tension.

“I think you’ve said enough.”

Leon’s calm yet commanding tone made your ex visibly flinch. He strode up to you, his expression cool but his eyes sharp as they locked onto your ex.

“And who are you?” your ex asked, their confidence wavering.

“I’m the person who’s lucky enough to be with them,” Leon replied, standing close to you. “And unlike you, I actually know how to treat them with respect.”

Your ex scoffed. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

Leon stepped forward, his posture relaxed but intimidating. “Oh, I know plenty. I know they’re better off without someone who drags them down. And I know you’re wasting your time trying to get under their skin because nothing you say matters anymore.”

Your ex opened their mouth to retort, but Leon raised a hand.

“Save it. You’ve already said enough to prove why you’re in their past. So do yourself a favor and walk away before you embarrass yourself further.”

Your ex hesitated, then muttered something under their breath before slinking away into the crowd.

Leon turned to you, his expression softening immediately. “Hey, you okay?”

You nodded, though your voice trembled slightly. “Yeah. Thanks for that.”

He touched your arm gently. “You don’t have to thank me. Nobody gets to treat you like that—not while I’m around.”

You smiled, warmth spreading through your chest. “I mean it, Leon. You’re amazing.”

“Damn right I am,” he said with a small grin, pulling you into a comforting hug.

After a moment, he stepped back, his gaze playful. “Now, let’s get those speakers and grab some ice cream. I think we’ve earned it.”

The two of you continued shopping, his arm draped protectively around your shoulders. Later, over bowls of ice cream at the food court, you found yourself laughing at his jokes and forgetting all about the earlier encounter.

That evening, as you set up the new gadgets at home, Leon’s goofy commentary and occasional mishaps filled the room with laughter. The warmth of his presence reminded you that, no matter what the past held, the future was brighter with him by your side.

[galaxy-fleur]

I am never getting over the sheer difference in Chris getting frustrated with Leon's cynicism in Vendetta and lashing out at him:

VS

Chris looking like a straight up kicked puppy when Jill pushes him away in DI and full on deflating when she gives him the silent treatment:

It's so funny to me. He's all business with Leon (arguably almost to his detriment here), but when it comes to Jill, man is crestfallen. That said, I do also think that this goes to show just how special his relationship with Jill truly is, however you personally view it. It takes him a good push or two to properly open up and take a vulnerable approach with Leon, to see and understand his pain instead of brushing it aside like he does to him at first. With Jill, however, he opens up about his own vulnerabilities almost instantly, on his own accord nonetheless.

There is no glaring urgency to get her to cave like there is with Leon, none of his usual intensity with getting her to act a certain way. She is his partner, after all, even if they are clearly on slightly rocky terms by this point.

Chris came to consult with Leon from a place of authority. It takes him a while to stop and approach him as a friend would.

With Jill, it's different, though.

While he does try to somewhat push her into taking a break, the wording's pretty gentle: 'I want you off this case.'

Not: 'You are off this case.'

Which is arguably the approach he would take with the majority of other people he works with. For understandable reasons, mind you. By this point, the role of the leader is one that is like second skin to him. With that role comes the burden of responsibility to keep those under his command safe. He doesn't treat Jill as someone who's under his command, though, even if he is a bit of a worrywart with her (always is, honestly). He treats her as an equal.

And he doesn't try to force his way with her here, either!

This is really just one friend genuinely concerned for the other on a deeply human level. Even if they are both clumsy about it in different ways.

I love them your honor :(

[sicbaby]

two words .. stalker Leon!

oh yes…. my favorite leon <3

he’s so sweet and such a gentleman on the outside. but then he meets you. you’re so pretty, a little older than him and he feels like he’ll never have a chance with you. it unlocks a dark, fucked up side of him he never thought he had.

being a cop gives him a lil bit of a power trip.. he develops a complex over it. even though he’s too shy to actually approach you, he’ll use his cop skills to get around, just to see you.

at first it’s coincidental, at least, that’s what u think. he finds out ur favorite coffee shop and meets u there every morning. police officer kennedy. he’s an attractive young man, cute and sweet and super polite.

he’ll sit in his patrol car outside of your work. waits for u to get out if it’s slow and he’ll follow close behind, memorizing your schedule.

hes satisfied with just this for a few weeks. your short interactions in the morning at the coffee shop are enough for him. until it isn’t.

it’s like there’s an itch deep inside of him that he can’t scratch, can’t get rid of. he’s had enough following you around, jerking off in his patrol car outside of your work thinking about you.

he starts breaking into your house. it’s easy. he’s a cop, and you’re just a dumb girl who lives alone and accidentally left her back window unlocked.

he’s careful, not wanting to rearrange things to the point where it’s noticeable. he steals a few of your panties, and not the clean ones in your drawer.

sometimes he’ll break in just to nap in your bed, smelling you in the sheets until he’s drifted off into a comfortable slumber. other times he’ll use your dirty panties to jerk himself off, cumming in them so he doesn’t get your bed all dirty.

like i said before, cop power trip. he suddenly has a master plan. he starts stealing small items one by one, until you finally notice. you’re on edge, thinking you’re crazy.

you come into the coffee shop one morning, constantly staring off into space until leon asks you what’s wrong.

you confide in him, too easily. but he’s a cop, isn’t he? and he’s so sweet, he’ll be sure to take you seriously and help you out. “i’m sorry to hear that, miss. but rest assured, i won’t let anyone harm you. i’ll personally look into this matter and make sure you’re safe.”

he asks to come over, see if there’s any sign of a break in. he tells you that you “shouldn’t be alone in a time like this.” he drives you over to your house in his patrol car. you’re so easy.

he takes his time with you, though. making sure to listen to your every concern, walking around the house and observing everything closely.

but inside he felt so damn powerful, having you place so much trust in him was turning him on. you had no idea.

“you know, i’ve really gone above and beyond to assist you here. it’s only fair that you show me some appreciation now.”

he walks forward, gripping your chin tightly and forcing you to look at him. “thank me.” he commands, voice low.

you mumble out a quick thank you, your heart racing in fear.

“good girl.”

“now get on your knees. show me how grateful you really are.”

he’s surprised at how quickly you comply. though that confused and worried look on your face is so cute to him.

you were trembling, hands shaking as you reach out to touch him once he gets his cock out for you. he’s painfully hard, and you wonder how long he’s been that way.

he grabs fistfuls of your hair as you suck on his cock messily. your submission and your obedience surprises yet pleases him so much.

this was his reward, his twisted satisfaction, as you fulfilled your duty to thank him for his supposed help. and as you succumbed to his control, leon knew that you were finally his. his to possess, to dominate, and to use as he pleases.

youre sucking him so good, he starts groaning a bunch of different shit. mixture of praise and degradation. he lets it slip that he’s your stalker, the one that’s been stealing your panties and other valuable items from your home, as if it wasn’t already obvious enough.

though your eyes widen, pausing your ministrations on his cock and looking up at him. tears fill your eyes.

“such a pathetic little slut. you thought you could escape me, didn’t you? but now, you’re here, on your knees, ready to serve me. and those tears? they only make me want you more.”

he relishes in his power even more, grabbing your hair roughly and forcing you to continue. your tears, those pretty little desperate sounds escaping your throat only made the experience more pleasurable for him. he wanted nothing more than to degrade you, break you until you were nothing.

he’d definitely keep you forever after that. cover up your disappearance. make you his sweet little housewife that no one knows about. his pretty little secret <3

[leon-stupid-kennedy]

Leon was not a rookie, and Krauser was not his mentor in the original Operation Javier canon

Something I find interesting is just how wildly different the scraps of Operation Javier given in RE4R are from the original Operation Javier presented in the Darkside Chronicles, particularly the Leon/Krauser dynamic. So I'm going to ramble about the original.

Like I said, Leon was absolutely not a rookie.

In fact, he was actually Krauser's superior. No ranks are stated directly in game, but there's a couple things that lead me to that conclusion.

In the cutscene titled Conviction, Leon reveals he's actually on a special mission from the president. And he has to reveal it, because Krauser didn't know. I also believe the cutscene implies that Krauser didn't even know what their mission actually was, because Leon also states what his mission is. Partial transcript:

Leon: Javier knows something. He's been able to prevent Manuela from transforming. I have to take her with me and find out how. [Leon passes his phone to Krauser] Krauser: Anti-virus Weapon Protocol number 7600... You're on a special assignment for the President. Leon: My mission... is to eradicate this virus once and for all. And with your help, I intend to do just that. Krauser: Well, I am a soldier. And if your orders are from the President, then I'm on your side.

To me, it looks like the situation was that Leon was really the one in charge. All Krauser seemed to know at the start was that there were several missing teenage girls in the area and that they were looking for a drug lord named Javier Hidalgo, who may have been purchasing B.O.W.s from Umbrella. I think that if they were truly equal partners, Krauser would have also known the details Leon did, that it was a special mission for the president to totally eradicate a virus.

Not convinced? In the character archives, both the Guide and Manuela have text backing this up.

Leon is referred to by name, while Krauser is not. Krauser is simply part of "Leon's team" and "Leon's unit." Leon was the leader of Operation Javier, Krauser was just there to support him, some extra muscle.

Leon was more experienced/knowledgeable than Krauser in one way

Krauser was a very experienced soldier, but he had zero experience with B.O.W.s. In fact, he didn't even believe they existed! From a transcript of the game's first cutscene:

Krauser: So, you think B.O.W.s actually exist? Oh wait, you said you faced them before, huh? Leon (as the narrator, not actually speaking to Krauser): This is my first mission with Krauser. He's a soldier with the U.S. Special Operations Command. And has quite the resume of accomplishments in the field. But to him, after all he's been through, B.O.W.s, Cryptids... They're all the same.

Krauser wasn't "Major" Krauser

He was actually just more of a mercenary. While he was working for SOCOM for this mission, the Communications from Krauser files found in the Darkside Chronicles archives imply it was more of a one time thing and he has no loyalty to the US military, or anyone else for that matter. He's just a mercenary.

Jack Krauser: So where's this Leon guy? Hannah: He arrived at the scheduled time. The rendezvous point is the same. Jack Krauser: Did he fly in? Hannah: Yes. He was on a tour-charted Cessna, but it got shot down. It crash-landed in the wetlands, and he made his way on foot from there. He may have hitched a ride on the way, though. Jack Krauser: Uncle Sam must really like him. Hannah: Don't you both work for the same people? Jack Krauser: I don't know about Leon, but my loyalties lie not with any one given organization. At the end of the day, all they want is results. And that's what I provide. For the right price. Hannah: So you're a gun for hire. Jack Krauser: Hmph, you got a problem with that? Look, I don't care what people think of me. I get the job done and then I'm gone. And if we work together again some day, then so be it.

[I have the audio recordings and full transcripts of all 3 of the communications here.]

Operation Javier wasn't some tragedy where almost everyone died. No one was abandoned.

I think the best way to start this section is with the transcript of a RE4R file:

Operation Javier. Few people have heard the name, even within the highest ranks of the US government. And little wonder too, the operation was not made public. It was conducted in secret, and then buried. The reason being—it was too inhumane. It all started back in 2002 when a small unit of US special forces was sent to infiltrate an area of South America. Their mission was to eradicate the drug cartels. The whole operation took several years to prepare for and only the most elite soldiers were selected to participate. I don't know if the mission was a failure or not, but I do know the fate of those elite soldiers once it was over. Apparently, the entire unit was wiped out except for the commanding officer, Major █████. And not by the cartels, but by the US. It shouldn't have been difficult to extract a single stranded unit. All it would have taken was a single helicopter. But for some reason, the military didn't act. Rumors say that the decision was the outcome of a power struggle among the top brass, others say it was a directive from the former president himself. But we may never know the truth since it was all covered up. But I'm certain of one thing. The US government let those people die. Brave, young people who dedicated their lives to protect their country.

Almost nothing about that is true of the original Operation Javier.

There was no team, only Leon and Krauser were sent.

The mission wasn't to eradicate cartels. Javier was a drug lord but that wasn't why Leon and Krauser were sent, they were only sent in because it was believed Javier was using B.O.W.s. The operation didn't take several years to prepare for.

No one was abandoned.

No innocents were killed. (At least not by the government. Manuela's doctors were all murdered by Javier, but I suppose their innocence is also in question because they were keeping Manuela alive with constant organ transplants, and the organs were obtained via human trafficking. That's what was happening to the missing teenage girls in the area, organ trafficking.)

Really, almost all the casualties in the game happened before Operation Javier started. Javier is the only human killed during the game. The villagers were all zombies before Leon and Krauser rolled up. The local guide that was supposed to help them was technically alive when they got to him, but he had already been fatally injured and dies almost immediately after Leon and Krauser reach him. Manuela's mother, Hilda Hidalgo, was already a monster infected with Veronica years before the game takes place. The missing teenage girls died before the game starts. All of Manuela's doctors were murdered by Javier before Leon and Krauser reached the mansion, as was an Umbrella researcher. The only four people who were alive, uninjured, and uninfected* at the start of the game were Leon, Krauser, Javier, and Manuela. Only one of them dies, and another is injured but not killed.

[*Manuela was infected, but had full control over it and stayed human]

Leon and Krauser were picked up by a helicopter after killing Javier/V-Complex. Manuela was as well. The worst thing to happen was Krauser's arm being permanently injured.

Krauser's Darkside

The last two chapters of the game do a great job showing Krauser's transition from cold, arrogant, but not completely evil soldier to full-blown power hungry psycho that wouldn't hesitate to infect himself with anything that might make him more powerful. While I could get into that here, I think I'm going to wrap this post up here and eventually make a separate post going into DSC Krauser's full arc, and get more into the relationship between him and Leon. I do have some screenshots of some of Krauser's inner monologue lines in those chapters here, but I intend to make a more polished collection of his lines at some point, as well as the post with more commentary explaining his arc.

And you can see all my DSC stuff here, I'm on a mission to compile just about every piece of lore about the game I can find into one place.

[leonstoenailunderhisbed]

Congregation Of The Mind

Summary: You were Leon’s partner in Spain, belong to rescue the president’s daughter. But it all goes wrong when Leon and Ashley get infected and you had to confront Lord Saddler while also save Leon and Ashley.

Warning: fight scenes. supposed to be unsettling and more accurate (I think I got cooked ngl). There is no romance or smut, this is simply for the October people who like a little bit of uneasiness.

A/N: to my professor that makes everything about religion and gets mad at me for countering his arguments THIS ONE’S FOR U HOE🖕 (yes I’m petty and what about it)

“The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.” —Animal Farm, George Orwell

Pure. Pure. Pure.

The mind is a pure soul that gets tainted by those who refuse. Lord Saddler, in his mind, blesses the impure and turns them pure with his sacred gift. Las Plagas.

Millions of lives were lost to his cause, declaring that he is the one true God that will bring peace to the tainted world and will cleanse the evil out.

When Leon got sent to retrieve Ashley back from Spain, he definitely didn’t expect to meet such obscure and horrific situation. Zombified people, immortal aristocrats, and a bald guy who thinks he’s god. If you were to tell him before he went to Spain about what he’ll encounter, Leon would’ve scoffed and say that you were being dramatic.

But no. It wasn’t dramatic. It was the truth.

You stood behind Leon as he held his hand in front of him, trying to disarm Ashley. Both Ashley and Leon got infected with Las Plagas and Lord Saddler had wanted Ashley to kill Leon and submit to the virus.

You stood behind Leon, the room dimly lit as Leon’s arm was covered in dark veins, an indication that Leon had also received the same “gift.” Ashley stood in front of him, gun in hand and readily aimed at Leon but before she could follow through Saddler’s commands, you jump right in by taking Leon’s shoulder and pulling him back until you were in front.

“Damn you, Lord Saddler,” you said through gritted teeth. You’ve about had enough of this, you’re tired and you’re over Saddler’s shit, “Enough with your shit already!”

But Lord Saddler does not budge. The ends of his chapped lips curl up into a frightful smirk, revealing his yellow and decaying teeth, “My friend, I cannot give you my sacrificial lamb. The girl is vital for our faith.”

“Faith? You call all of this fate?!” You retaliated, anger cursing through your veins as Ashley grunts in attempts to resist Lord Saddler’s commands, same with Leon holding back behind you.

“Yes,” Lord Saddler continued, pacing left and right along with his staff and cloak as he spoke, “We believe in a better world and with this gift, we can achieve anything so long as we get our Holy Body.”

You scoff, “Holy Body? She’s just a girl! You’re robbing her of her own life, how does that relate to faith?”

“You may not understand now but you will soon once we give you the gift as well like your friend Mr. Kennedy,” Lord Saddler said as he pointed at Leon, eyes sunken with darkness as he glared at Saddler. Leon tries hard to resist and remains still, not wanting to succumb to his subordination.

“I’m… sorry,” Ashley whispered as best as she could before she pulled the trigger but terribly missed, or luckily. Once the sound of the bullet rang, you took that as your cue to intervene.

You quickly take Ashley’s arm and pull her towards you before throwing her behind you towards Leon, who manages to break from Lord Saddler’s control and catches her. With Ashley now safe, you take out your own gun and start shooting at Saddler while two summoners stood beside him.

The summoners began to make their way towards you, summoning Plagas and commanding them with psychotic influence but you were quick. You shot them in the head, their bodies falling limp on the floor as their lamps go out and the plagas die on the floor. Saddler stood there, seemingly unimpressed since he believed he still had control over Ashley and Leon behind you.

Which is exactly what he did. With his psychic abilities, Saddler commanded both Leon and Ashley to attack you.

“Let’s see how well of a person you are,” Saddler taunted as Ashley, against her will, stood straight in front of you with her hands fisted and ready to fight. Leon, however, had taken out his combat knife from his sheath. They stood in front of you, ready to attack while their faces were hard—they didn’t want to attack you.

“Make it stop!” Ashley yelled in agony as she attempted to swing at you but you dodged to the side, putting a hand behind her back to push her away while Leon tried to lunge at you with the knife to which you kicked his knee and watched him fall to the ground on one knee.

“Give in children!” Lord Saddler exclaimed, “Become one with the divine providence bestowed to us! I shall be your new God!”

You grunted as you were about to lunge towards Lord Saddler, only for him to use his psychic influence to make both Leon and Ashley hold you down by the arms, “You really think you’re a god, don’t you? You’re not a savior, you’re a monster!”

Lord Saddler stares down at you as he commanded Leon and Ashley to force you to kneel before him, “Monster? No, Y/L/N, I’m a force of nature. This gift—this power—it's meant to change everything.”

“Change? You mean turning people into mindless zombies? That’s not change, that’s destruction!” You yelled back, frustrated at the deluded man.

“It’s evolution! I’m giving them a chance to transcend their weaknesses. They’ll be stronger, united.”

“United? They lose their free will! You’re not uniting anyone, you’re enslaving them! How is that moral?” You narrowed your eyes at him, watching as he slowly walked towards you, “Morality is subjective! I see the bigger picture. Humanity is flawed, and I’m offering a solution.”

“A solution that comes with death and suffering! You’re preying on their fears, not saving them,” your words cut deep but they fell on deaf ears.

“You don’t understand the power of this gift,” Lord Saddler said as he stood in front of your kneeling form, “It’s not just about control, it’s about liberation from the mundane!”

“Liberation? You’re just using your power to play god! You’re hurting people. That’s evil.”

“Evil is a construct. They’ll thank me one day when they see the world as it truly is.”

“Thank you?!” You scoffed humorlessly, “They won’t be able to think or feel! You’re taking away their humanity!”

Lord Saddler scowled down at you, his eyes narrowing and his grip on his staff tightening, “And what has their humanity brought them? War, suffering, chaos. I’m offering a way out!”

“By making them into monsters? You’re deluded if you think this is for their good,” you tugged at your arms, attempting to break free from Ashley’s and Leon’s grasp, but to no avail. Saddler was making them hold you tight. A small smirk reached Lord Saddler’s lips, “Deluded?” He repeated.

“I’m the only one with the vision to see beyond the present. I can create a new world!” He leaned down towards you, grasping your jaw in his hands. You tried to move your head away but his grip was tight, “A world built on fear and loss. You’re not a creator, you’re a destroyer.”

He chuckled amusedly, “You’re scared, Y/L/N. You can’t see the potential. Join me, and together we could change everything!”

“You cling to outdated notions of morality while I forge a new path,” he continued, “Fight all you want, but in the end, I will prevail. This is evolution, and it’s already begun.”

“Not if I can’t help it,” you muttered before you harshly pushed Leon and Ashley behind you, both of them grunting in pain as they stutmbled backwards and you swung at Lord Saddler but he was quick. He quickly disappeared, his superhuman speed allowed him to move backwards and away from your target range. He was too quick.

“Come now, Ashley and Leon,” he said to them. The two of them tried to not walk towards Saddler, resisting against Lord Saddler’s command. This only made him angry, “Follow me you feeble humans!”

This was your chance while Lord Saddler was distracted, you took the gun that was dropped on the floor and shot Lord Saddler but he escaped before he could get hurt. As he escaped, his influence on Leon and Ashley disappeared and the two collapsed on the floor. You quickly went to check over them, making sure they were still breathing. Las Plaga was spreading fast and you needed to take them to the Laboratory Luis had mentioned earlier.

“Hang in there,” you muttered as you put Leon’s arms over your shoulders and an arm around Ashley’s waist. It would be hard work but you were determined to help the two of them throughout the castle. It couldn’t be that far, right?

-

Both Leon and Ashley got treated in the underground laboratory. Now, as Ashley stood on the sidelines by a cliff, it was time to face Lord Saddler’s horrific form. You and Leon were initially fighting but he only seemed to eat the bullet that penetrated his skin. It wasn’t until Ada showed up and helped.

Lord Saddler’s disgusting and slimy body attempted to swipe at you and Leon, barely dodging by a hair’s breadth. This was a tough fight but when Ada threw Leon a grenade launcher, it was checkmate. As Lord Saddler began to die, you ran towards Ashley to check on her while Ada took the sample.

A lot happened but now you were happy to go home, even if meant doubting yourself on your beliefs thanks to Saddler’s words.

After Ashley had been returned and you and Leon went back to headquarters to write a report, you couldn’t help but be a bit distracted.

Was Saddler doing the right thing by wanting to forge a new path without war? How nice it would be to live in a peaceful society—no, don’t think like that. Lord Saddler killed millions of innocent people and turned them against you and Leon during your mission.

“Hey,” a voice suddenly rang out and a hand shook your shoulder. It was Leon, “You okay?” He asked quietly, sitting in front of you on the other couch since you two were in the break room.

You nodded, rubbing your face with your hand as you sighed, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.”

“Hm,” Leon hummed quietly as he observed you in silence. The mission had taken a toll on the two of you, it was surprising how you weren’t losing your head already, “That guy—Lord Saddler—he’s… I’ve never seen anything like him,” Leon muttered.

“You and me both. I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit in my life but never have I thought that we’d fight against a god wannabe. Should’ve known we’d find lunatics in the middle of nowhere in Spain,” you replied and looked back at him. The ends of his lips slightly curled into a small smirk, very faintly, “A little heads up would’ve been nice, yeah.”

Silence overtook you both once again but it wasn’t uncomfortable. So much happened in the mission and yet you two understood each other very well, “Wanna grab drinks later?” He asked bluntly.

You stared at him for a couple of seconds in silence before you shrugged your shoulders and nodded, “Fuck it, why not,” you muttered, mimicking a faint smirk on your lips like his.

Later that evening, as you and Leon went to grab drinks at a bar to forget about the mission, the thought still lingered in the back of your mind.

Lord Saddler had wanted to create a peaceful empire with Las Plaga, but what difference does he have by using destructive means when countries do the same thing under the pretext of saving humanity? Is the pretext of religion simply a way to pursue all means necessary to establish peace and combat threats like how you and Leon did?

Upon reaching the end of the night, bidding other bar customers that you knew, Lord Saddler’s face keeps haunting you. Taunting you with your thoughts as you could almost hear his voice, "When you acquired this power, you too will understand."

You swore you heard his voice but as you turned around before you could leave, he wasn’t there. It was just normal people drinking the night away. Goosebumps crawled up your arms and a shiver ran down your spine, but you brushed it off and walked out with Leon.

The presence of Lord Saddler only seemingly taken a following to you, feeling the touch of his sharp nails drag along your skin, feeling the coldness of his fingers as his voice continued whispering in your ear—forcing you to doubt yourself and spiral into a mania of paranoia.

Unbeknownst to you, his remnants lives in your brain. The voice commanding you to spiral into a haze of delusional and self-doubt.

You had become the sacrifice lamp.