#ausomelogan

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What you see here is smiles and happy times before riding Go Karts. What you don't see is the choked back tears and heartache that led up to this picture. Autism has so many beautiful moments but sometimes it just hurts. It comes with challenges that as a parent I never saw coming. Before riding with me, our Ausome Logan was in a kiddie Go Kart. We were so excited that he was tall enough to ride all on his own. Once the other kids sped pass him we realized this wasn't going to be as fun and happy as we imagined. Our son doesn't understand how to operate his ride. We saw the park assistant lean down to help him but since he suffers from serious communication difficulties he did not understand what she was trying to show him. Once it became too frustrating, he turned his head and would no longer look at her. I seen her trying desperately to gain his attention. She touched his face and still he would not respond. As the other children happily drove past we had to walk over and remove Logan from his Go Kart. I choked up. My son's lack of social and communication skills hinders him from enjoying the pleasures of being a kid. In that moment I realized autism hurts. These moments are the ones that cut me deep. I can take all the stares, judgment, misunderstanding, and meltdowns in the world but seeing him struggle like that pierces me. Thankfully he was able to ride with me and was nothing but smiles the entire time. Our life with autism may not be ideal or planned but we're learning to push through the pain and enjoy every little moment.

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The storms interrupted Logan's sleep routine. This made him one upset little guy. Thankfully he found his weighted lap pad soothing, and it calmed him back to sleep. Weighted blankets apply deep pressure sensory input, which causes the brain to release serotonin and calms the body. It's great for anxiety and insomnia. 💙

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A post shared by Letisha Garcia Bates (@thatpcoscoach)

I'll count this as my upper body workout of the day 😉This is the sensory exercise Logan loves the most, swinging. So on rainy days like today we get to swing inside using his sensory sack... until Momma gets wore out of course. 💙 #strongautismmom #autismstrong #autism #sensoryplay #sensoryseeker #ausomelogan #autismtn #rockthespectrum

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I could easily get caught up in the facts. The fact that the average child Logan's age has a vocabulary of 500+ words and he only speaks about 30... Or I could just watch this over and over again as tears of joy and pride fill my eyes. I never knew how much those words truly meant until I became a mom of an ausome kid💙

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Logan's artwork and cute print outs from therapy as they celebrate #autismawarenessmonth 💙

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Lining up Momma's polish this morning 💙

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Logan's therapist reported that he had an awesome session. The past few weeks have been challenging and we needed a good week to say the least. Then to top this great day off, I got to hear him say "chips" for the first time! 😄

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Difficult times often lead to the greatest moments. It’s been a rough morning full of screaming, kicking and hitting me. He’s frustrated and I don’t know why. I’m desperate. Blowing bubbles out the sunroof, handing over every device we own, pleading and begging for Logan to calm down. We had some time before therapy so I thought a trip to the Bicentennial Park would help him. As he ran, climbed steps, and walked all over this stage I couldn’t help but think… My God you have blessed me with such a beautiful child. I was invisible to Logan at this point. He was gone. He was in that world that he slips off too in his beautiful mind. I’m left outside watching and wishing I was in that world with him. All I can do is admire him as tears fill my eyes because my heart is so full. He’s so precious. He’s perfect. We may have hard times but these are the moments that make life just a little sweeter.

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Recently Logan had a follow up evaluation with his psychologist at Vanderbilt. His re-evaluation was hard on our hearts. It is never easy confronting the fact that your child is different. He continues to fall into the moderate range on the spectrum. Seeing his development scores being all in low levels is painful. Logan is 2.5yrs old and currently communicates on a 11-14 months of age level. Instead of focusing on scores and numbers I wanted to share the amazing progress our Logan is making. In this video you can hear him communicate "go" and his newest word "more" as we enjoy one of his favorite activities, bubbles. I'm so proud of our Ausome Logan!

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When Logan was diagnosed I was told ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) was the treatment for autism. I quickly learned this treatment is not easily accessible. Insurance companies often do not cover it, school systems often do not provide it, and private paying on the average costs a family $40,000 per year. After months of tears, anger, frustration, and hopelessness the Lord has blessed us. Logan will soon receive 3 hours a week of ABA therapy until he turns three, which will be in August! Christmas truly came early for us and I can't be more grateful for this blessing. God is good! 🙌🏼

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Ausome Logan got to visit Snip-Its in Franklin today. Their stylists are trained to style children with sensory needs. This salon is super cute. Full of cartoons and all you can eat suckers. We didn't make it through the haircut painlessly but Logan looks like a brand new kid and walked out with a prize of his choice. 😊

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A post shared by Letisha Garcia Bates (@thatpcoscoach)

On Thursdays we do therapy. I can never get enough of his sweet face when he's all done with his sessions for the day.💙 #ausomelogan #ausome #autism #autismstrong #autismmom #therapythursday #rockthespectrum #autismblog

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Imagine the water from your shower causing you physical pain as it touches your skin. This is the reality for some children on the autism spectrum. Most of us know that autism affects communication and social skills, but there is so much more that comes with the diagnosis. Children with autism often have difficulties processing their senses. To a child on the spectrum noises and sounds could literally be painful to them. The slightest touch could hurt. They can be extremely picky eaters as they are unable to tolerate certain textures of food. Their senses may be hyperactive or hypoactive. According to how their body processes sensory, a child may become a sensory seeker or an avoider. Logan is a sensory seeker. I noticed that he always enjoys banging his toys together. During baths he pours cups of water on him, or while playing he dumps his bucket of toys onto him as well. He will at times tense his body so hard that his little hands begin to shake, giving the appearance he is transforming into the incredible Hulk. Our occupational therapist educated us that he enjoys deep pressures. That is the explanation for Logan’s way of playing with toys or some of his unusual behaviors. He feels most comfortable while wearing a weighted backpack or a compression shirt. These items give him the pressure feeling his body craves. If he choses to hug you he prefers tight squeezing bear hugs. He can sometimes be soothed by brushing (a therapy technique with a specific style of brush that promotes calming) or massages using firm pressure. He appreciates spending time in his crib where he feels secured in an small enclosed area. He often runs to a tight corner of his room for comfort when he’s frustrated. When Logan was around 18 months old I would notice while swinging him at the park, he would appear zoned out. He was calm, almost too calm. This is still the case today. When he is beyond frustrated with everything in his atmosphere, we swing. We sometimes spend hours of our day swinging. He seems to escape to a whole new world. He will often close his eyes tightly, hang his head down, or completely relax as if he is asleep. He’s actually fallen to sleep on his swing, it calms his body that much. The swing is not only for playing, to Logan it is a precious tool. When discussing sensory most of us will think of only five senses; sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. One sense that is often not mentioned is vestibular. The vestibular system is located in the inner ear. This system provides our balance, how we are positioned, and our awareness in space. If this system is altered, which for Logan it is, then you can imagine that the body is unable to feel grounded. Activities like swinging give a deep input to Logan’s vestibular system. I try think of it as a way for him to make a connection and find full awareness of his body. Logan will often be seen bouncing, jumping, rocking, spinning, head banging, or flapping his hands. Some of these movements will also provide input to his vestibular system, helping to ground him. They do, however, serve another purpose. These movements are often called stims, short for self-stimulatory behaviors. It can block out excess sensory input, or provide extra input if needed. Logan stims when he is excited and when he is frustrated. This is his body’s way of creating balance. There are some safety risks, such as banging his head on hard surfaces, but mostly these movements are completely harmless to him and others around him. To others around us he may appear unusual, hyper, overly excited or angry. He faces too many battles in this world that is so imbalanced to him, I will let him stim. Just keep stimming... Just keep swinging... Just keep stimming swinging stimming... What do we do we stim swing stim

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The Mom Circus

            I remember the day vividly when I decided I wanted to blog our journey across the spectrum. I knew there was so much that I wanted to document, share, educate, and quite frankly I knew I’d have moments when I just wanted to vent. Let’s sum this post up into the venting category. 

           I think we could mostly agree on the fact that being a mom is tough. I know there are several mothers on social media who make it look easy and full of fun times, but face it… if this you, even you have moments when you want to cry in the shower or lock yourself in a closet with a bottle of wine. If you don’t have those sort of mom moments, please disregard this post and continue on about your day. I do have those moments. I have them often. I also will own that with all of my being.

           One of the greatest reasons being a mom is tough, in my opinion, is all of the mult-tasking we must do daily. It never ends, sort of like our laundry. I can’t say that I grew up knowing of any great talents I possess. I now realize I’m one hell of a juggler. I may drop my balls more often than not, but I always pick them up and toss them around again as if nothing happened. These balls I speak of are more literally the roles I must play as a mother. I’m the CEO, the personal chef, housekeeper, dry cleaner, chauffeur, cheerleader, teacher, student, the fixer of booboos and the list goes on and on. My act is getting greater and greater, as if someone is standing in front of me tossing in a few more balls. The greatest ball that caused me to feel the most out of control was autism.

           I knew the day Logan received his diagnosis would change our lives forever. I wasn’t sure how, I still am unsure, but I knew we were going to change. Almost every day of our week now consists of therapies. One day we’re accompanied in our home with a therapist. Other days we drive over an hour to attend two hour sessions. Speech, Occupational, Developmental, Studies at Vanderbilt… we’re on the go constantly. Meanwhile we are doing our best to add a new therapy into our schedule. This therapy is called ABA, applied behavior analysis, which is the leading treatment for autism. Currently we are unsure of where we will be driving to, or how many days a week or how long our sessions will be.

           Going to therapy isn’t the hard part. I enjoy learning how to help Logan. I also thoroughly adore seeing his progress. I literally have a whole new kid. I also have another child and a husband who has limited time home. They need my attention too. This is where my juggling act turns into juggling while walking a tightrope. How do I divide enough attention between my kids and husband when one child has special needs? This is a struggle that I find all too real more often than I care too. My oldest son has school and interests of his own. My husband and I have few days together and often have to put the events or hobbies we want to do on the back burner. Being the multi-tasking ninja that I am, I feel like I must accommodate them all. I must find the balance. I can’t fall off of this tightrope.

           The laundry is piled up before I can dry the last load. The house needs to be cleaned, not just picked up after. The carpet could use a good shampooing. The furniture hasn’t been dusted well since I can’t even remember. I really need to clean and organize our closets. My car needs washed and vacuumed. There is food in the back of my fridge that is beyond questionable if it's food anymore or a science project. I really want to get to the gym since it is my main mode of stress relief. I need to help my son with his homework while I also cook dinner. I want to catch up on my television shows. I also need to be studying all that I can for Logan’s therapies and diagnosis. I have 12hr shifts I must work. I have books I want to read and books I need to read. I have skills and tools that I need to work on with Logan so I can help him more. I should be doing all of the things that each of his therapists are telling me to do. Which according to the week, can be up to 6 people. I have a schedule to maintain. We need to make it through bath time. I have errands that I must run, because yesterday I didn’t get to. There is mail stacking up that needs to be tended to and paperwork that needs to be filled out. Then I turn around and it’s therapy day again, more hours spent away from home. I have a never ending list of things I must or want to do. There are 24 hours in a day and most days it is never enough.

           I once told a therapist I feel as if I am constantly racing the clock, and the clock always wins. I am left defeated daily with a list of what I didn’t complete that needed to be done. These balls that I am juggling on this tightrope are now blazing in flames. Obviously I’m not the best jugglist in the world so I am sent crashing into the hard ground of reality. This is the reality that as a mom, I can not do it all. I shouldn’t judge myself too harshly because even if you are the best jugglist in the world, some acts are too much to handle. Some days we are defeated. Some days we crash.

           I wanted to write this for all of you moms who feel like you can’t juggle it all. Please know this… YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It doesn’t matter if your child has autism or not. Being a mom is tough stuff. We have so much to do and such little time to do it all in. We can carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and feel like we are unable ask the world to lighten up, because mothers are supposed to be able to handle everything. It’s ok to crash off your tightrope. It’s ok to put the balls down, quit juggling them, and just breathe or fall apart. Tomorrow is a new day and all you can ask of yourself is that you do the best you can. When you lay your head down at night, understand that you did the best you could. We often find ourselves quickly judging others and ourselves. We’re actually more similar than we think. We’re all trying to master the art of juggling. We’re all wearing our clown faces from time to time. We’re all in this circus together. 

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Logan's diet usually consist of puffs or popcorn, gummies, and milk. Literally for 2 weeks once he only at popcorn. He rarely eats a meal and some days getting him to eat much at all is a struggle. We worry about his nutrition. I am very thankful for Kidzshake! He enjoys the shakes and I enjoy knowing he is getting protein, vitamins, minerals, and probiotics. If you have a picky eater at home I encourage you to check out Kidzshake. It has been a blessing for us.

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"Sometimes being a big brother is even better than being a superhero" Big brother Eric joined us at therapy and was a huge help to Logan. I couldn't be more proud of my boys💙