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barnesonly · 11 days ago

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Days of Silence

bucky barnes x reader

tags: angst to fluff, hurt/comfort, past traumas, slight trauma bonding, boyfriend bucky, established relationship, miscommunication.

summary: Bucky’s the best boyfriend — sweet, gentle, trying so hard to be good. But sometimes his trauma speaks louder than he does, and he snaps without meaning to. You’ve always been understanding. you know it’s not really him but this time, it hits too close to old wounds. So you protect yourself the only way you know — by distancing yourself.

word count: 2570

A/N: based on this request, hope I met your expectations even though it was such a difficult topic to bite into. Hopefully I wrote it well enough!

Bucky Barnes is a good boyfriend.

No — he’s the best.

He folds your laundry even though he swears he doesn’t know how to “properly” fold your clothes. He texts you pictures of stray cats and dogs he sees throughout the day because “they looked like they’d like you.” He kisses your forehead when he thinks you’re asleep.

He holds you like you’re the only thing anchoring him to this world.

But there are days — more than either of you would like — when the past crawls back into his lungs and makes it hard for him to breathe. Hydra didn’t just break him. They rewired him. And no matter how many mornings he wakes up in a warm bed beside you, some part of his mind still thinks it’s a cold metal table.

He doesn’t talk about it much. Not in full. You never push. You just know.

You’ve seen it in the flash of panic behind his eyes when someone touches his back unexpectedly. In the way he winces when he hears certain sounds. In the way his voice sometimes gets too sharp, too fast — not because of you, but because something in him gets tangled and scared.

And you’ve always understood. You’ve always met his storms with soft hands and soft words.

Because you love him. And you get it.

You know what it means to be hurt and to carry it like it’s your fault.

But tonight… tonight is different.

Tonight, you are tired.

Not the kind of tired that sleep can fix. The kind that settles in your chest like wet cement. That slow ache from giving and giving and giving.

You were late getting home. It rained. You were carrying too many bags. Your coat’s still damp. It wasn’t a bad day.

Not really. Just long. A bit of a tangle — errands, traffic, a headache you couldn’t quite shake. Bucky had been quiet since the morning, not in a cold way, just… somewhere else. That haunted kind of silence you knew wasn’t about you.

You’d given him space, like always. That’s what worked best — gentle patience. You never pushed. He always came back.

But that night, it was something small. Ridiculously small.

You were making dinner — his favorite, even — and you forgot the stupid jar of sauce.

You laughed a little, standing in the kitchen barefoot, coat still on. “Shit, I forgot the tomato sauce. I was at the store and everything.” You shook your head, opening a cupboard. “We could use the backup jar of pesto maybe?”

From the couch, he barely glanced up. “Seriously?”

The way he said it — flat, with a sharp edge — hit harder than it should have.

You turned slowly, confused. “Yeah. I just— I forgot. I’m sorry. I had a lot on my mind.”

He doesn’t even look up. “You always forget something.”

There it is.

The twist.

The snap.

It’s not yelling. It’s not cruel. But it stings because it’s him. Because you know he doesn’t mean it — but it still lands like a blow.

And worse — it feels familiar.

Not from him, but from someone before him.

From someone who wasn’t kind. Someone who made you feel small on purpose.

You swallow the lump in your throat.

It’s not fair to compare. You know that. Bucky would never hurt you like that. Never on purpose.

But you’re still made of scar tissue.

And tonight, you’re stretched too thin.

“I’ll use pesto,” you say softly, turning back to the stove.

———

You don’t talk about it later. Not really. You just focus on your own stuff, distancing yourself so it hurts at least a bit less.

So it starts with small things.

Not coldness. Not anger.

Just… quiet.

You still smile when he kisses your cheek in the morning, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You still laugh at his dry humor, but it’s half a beat too late. You still curl into him when you sleep — but you wait until he moves first.

You’re careful with him. Softer than usual. Almost like you’re afraid to make noise.

And Bucky notices. He notices everything.

At first, he tries to pretend he doesn’t.

Tells himself you’re just tired. Busy. Overwhelmed.

But the second night in a row that you wash the dishes alone, he knows better.

“You okay, doll?” he asks gently, drying his hands as he leans against the doorway.

You glance up too quickly. “Yeah, of course.”

Your voice is sweet. Light. Nothing wrong.

But he sees the way your shoulders tense. How you don’t look at him for more than a second.

He nods slowly, but doesn’t speak. Just walks over and silently takes a plate from your hands to dry. Your fingers brush and you flinch — just barely — but he feels it like a slap.

You don’t mean to. You don’t even realize it.

But Bucky does.

Something in him turns cold. Not angry.

Just scared.

Because he knows that flinch. He’s seen it before — on himself. In mirrors. In memories. It’s the recoil of someone preparing for pain.

And the worst part is, he thinks he knows why.

He’s been short lately. Distant. Snapped at you when he didn’t mean to. He told himself it wasn’t that bad — but now?

Now, you’re looking at him like you’re afraid of making a mistake.

Like you’ve already decided you’ll carry the blame.

Like you’ve been here before, and you already know how this story ends.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Look at me.”

You hesitate, but you do.

And god, you wish you hadn’t — because the moment your eyes meet his, you see it. The guilt. The worry. The silent apology.

But you don’t know how to comfort him right now. Not without lying.

So instead, you just offer a quiet smile. “It’s fine, Buck.”

You go back to the dishes.

And Bucky stands there, drying a plate with shaking hands — because nothing has ever felt less fine.

———

It’s been two days since the kitchen. Two days of I’m fine and don’t worry about it and really, I’m just tired — but Bucky knows better.

You haven’t fought.

Not once.

No doors slammed. No yelling.

Just gentle answers. Forced smiles. A kind of quiet that feels… wrong.

You haven’t pulled away physically. Not exactly. You still sleep in his bed, still let him hold you when the nightmares get bad. But your touch feels lighter now. Less certain. Like you’re afraid of taking up too much space.

He hates it.

He hates how loud the silence has become.

You’re sitting on the couch, pretending to scroll your phone. You’re wearing the hoodie he left out for you earlier — the one that still smells like him — and for a moment he lets himself believe that’s a good sign.

But then you flinch when he sits too close. Not obviously. Just a slight shift in your shoulders. A tiny hesitation.

He sees it.

And it breaks him.

“Okay,” he says quietly, voice steady but firm. “That’s enough.”

You blink, caught off guard. “What?”

“Don’t do that,” he says, shaking his head. “Don’t smile at me like everything’s okay when it’s not.”

“Bucky…”

“I’m not mad,” he says quickly. “I’m not. I just—” He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated with himself more than anything. “I see you, alright? I know you’re not fine.”

You open your mouth to argue — but the words don’t come.

Because he’s right. And you’re tired of pretending.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he says, softer now. “The other night. I was a dick, I know. I just—something in me snapped and I—”

“I know,” you whisper.

“Then why won’t you look at me the same?” he says, voice cracking. “Why does it feel like I have to earn you all over again?”

Your heart squeezes.

Because that’s exactly it.

Not because he’s failed you but because you failed yourself — by slipping back into old fears, old habits. The instinct to shut down. To stay small. To protect what’s left of your heart.

“I’m not trying to punish you,” you say softly. “I just… I didn’t even realize I was doing it. It’s like something in me just shut off.”

He nods slowly, eyes fixed on yours. “That’s what I’m scared of.”

“Why?”

“Because I know how it feels,” he whispers. “When everything feels like too much, so you go quiet just to survive it. I know that feeling. And I never wanted to be the reason you feel this way.”

You blink fast, trying to hold it together — but the tears come anyway.

Bucky reaches for your hand. This time, you let him.

“I’ve spent months trying to make you feel safe,” he says. “Tell me I didn’t fuck it all up.”

“You didn’t,” you say, voice shaking. “You didn’t. I just… I think I’m scared too.”

“Of me?”

“No,” you breathe. “Of how much I love you. Of how much it hurt when you said that. And how much I still want to forgive you.”

He leans in, gently pressing his forehead to yours. His voice is barely a whisper.

“Then let me try again. Please. Don’t shut me out.”

And something in you shatters.

You nod — barely — just once, but it’s all it takes.

Your bottom lip trembles. Your chest rises, tight with emotion that’s been building for days, weeks — maybe even longer.

“I don’t want to,” you manage, voice breaking. “I don’t want to shut you out, Bucky, I just— I didn’t know what else to do—”

He doesn’t wait. His arms are around you in a second. Pulling you into him, wrapping you up like he’s afraid you’ll disappear. One hand cradles the back of your head, the other holds your waist like a lifeline.

You collapse into his chest, sobbing. Ugly, shaking cries — the kind you’d held back for too long. The kind that don’t come out pretty or soft, but raw and real and earned.

And Bucky just holds you.

Not with panic. Not with guilt. Just love.

His lips find your temple, over and over again — feather-light kisses scattered across your skin like apologies.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you, it’s okay.”

You cling to him like he’s gravity. Like the ground beneath your feet gave out and he’s the only thing left holding you together.

“I’m sorry,” you cry. “I’m sorry, I know you didn’t mean it, I just— I felt like I was back there. With him. And I hated myself for it.”

“Don’t,” he breathes. “Don’t say that. Don’t be sorry.”

His voice is thick with emotion, but gentle. Reverent. Like he’s speaking to something breakable — something sacred.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You hear me? Nothing.”

You nod into his chest, tears soaking the fabric of his shirt.

He keeps whispering soft things. Little comforts. His breath warm against your hair.

“It’s okay.”

“You’re safe.”

“I’m right here.”

“I love you.”

Eventually, your sobs begin to quiet. Not because the pain is gone — but because his arms make it bearable. Because his love is louder than the ache.

You sniff, rubbing at your face with the sleeve of your hoodie.

“Sorry I’m such a mess,” you mumble against him.

Bucky pulls back just enough to look at you. His thumb brushes beneath your eye, catching the last of your tears.

“You’re not a mess,” he says quietly. “You’re a person. A person I love more than anything.”

You blink at him — watery, stunned — because God, how did you get so lucky?

And then, so soft you almost miss it, he says:

“I’m scared too, you know.”

Your heart stutters.

“I’m scared I’ll slip and lose you. That I’ll forget how to be soft when you need it most. That something in me will break and I won’t catch it fast enough.”

You cup his cheek, thumb stroking the stubble there.

“You always catch it,” you whisper.

You’ve quieted now. The tears have stopped. The storm has passed.

But you’re still curled into his chest, face pressed against his neck, as if you need to feel his heartbeat to believe he’s real.

And Bucky…

He still holds you like you’re made of silk and smoke. His lips move softly against your temple, over and over. As if he could kiss away every old wound. Every bruise left by people who didn’t know how to love you.

His breath is uneven. You feel it before you hear the catch in his throat.

He’s crying.

Not loud. Not shaking. Just quiet, stubborn tears sliding down his cheeks. His hand trembles slightly as it rubs circles on your back.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispers. “I hate that I made you feel like you had to go back to that place. I hate that I made you doubt me. I swear to God, if I could tear that moment out of your memory, I would.”

Your fingers clutch his shirt.

“Bucky—”

“No, let me say it,” he breathes, voice thick and aching. “Let me say all of it, because I’ve been holding it in too long and if I don’t tell you now, I’m gonna break.”

You look up at him, eyes still glassy.

“I love you,” he says — fast, like it’s bursting out. “I love you so much it fucking hurts. You don’t even know, sweetheart.”

Your breath catches.

“I think about you all the time. Even when you’re next to me. I look at you and I can’t believe you’re real. I’d do anything to protect you. I’d give you everything I have just to make you smile.”

His thumb brushes your cheek again. His eyes are red but shining.

“You’re my safe place,” he whispers. “Even when I’m messed up. Even when I don’t deserve you. You’re it for me.”

You blink, overwhelmed — but this time, the tears don’t sting. They come softer. Warmer. Held by love.

“I love you too,” you whisper back. “So much.”

He exhales shakily and presses a lingering kiss to your forehead, then one to your cheek, then your jaw, your temple, your nose — soft, desperate pecks like he’s making sure you’re still there, still his.

You let him. You let yourself lean into it.

After a long moment, he shifts, still cradling you against his chest, and reaches behind for the throw blanket on the back of the couch. He wraps it gently around your shoulders, tucking you in like he’s wrapping up something precious.

Then he leans back slightly, cupping your face with both hands, voice gentler now.

“You wanna watch that dumb movie you like?” he asks, a small, hopeful smile breaking through the heartache. “The one with the dancing and the terrible accents?”

You laugh through a sniffle — just a little. “Mamma Mia?”

He nods solemnly. “I’ll sing along with the bad parts if it makes you feel better.”

You smile, eyes still wet but lighter now. “Okay.”l

And as he grabs the remote and pulls you closer, you realize the tightness in your chest has eased. Not gone — not magically fixed — but soothed.

Because this isn’t a perfect love.

It’s a real one.

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barnesonly · 21 days ago

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Unspoken

bucky barnes x reader

summary: You and Steve share a steady, unshakeable friendship — nothing more, nothing less. But Bucky’s feelings for you have been quietly growing since Germany, and a mission where you and Steve get a little too close sparks something he can’t ignore.

word count: 4872

WARNINGS: 18+ explicit content, MDNI. curse words, dirty talk, PiV, unprotected sex, shower sex, breeding.

A/N: requested by this anon, hope I met your expectations!

The explosion rattled your bones.

Chunks of concrete crashed behind you, and the stale air filled with smoke and ash. You coughed into your arm, stumbling forward through the haze as gunfire cracked in the distance.

A firm hand caught your arm before you could fall.

“Whoa—got you,” Steve said, steadying you as the floor trembled beneath your boots.

You wheezed out a breath and clung to his arm just long enough to get your footing. “Jesus, Rogers. Tell me again why I volunteered for this mission?”

“Because you like saving my ass,” he said, smiling through the dust. “And you owe me one after that blown recon op in Munich.”

You let out a dry laugh. “That was your fault and you know it.”

“Still counts.”

His hand slid off your arm as you both started moving again, weaving through the half-collapsed corridor. You kept pace easily — you’d run dozens of ops with Steve before. He was your comfort zone in the field. The guy you’d banter with between gunshots and lean on when everything went to hell ever since you joined S.H.I.E.L.D. He was like an older brother. Loud, loyal, and irritatingly heroic.

“You alright?” he asked, glancing at you sideways as you reached the breach point.

“Fine. Just crispy around the edges.”

Steve chuckled. “Same.”

Across the compound, hidden in the smoke and ruin, Bucky saw it all.

You, brushing soot off Steve’s shoulder with a huff of breathless laughter. Steve flashing you that boy-scout grin. The way you elbowed him — friendly, easy, close.

Bucky’s shoulders stiffened beneath his tac gear. His eyes tracked every step the two of you took, the curve of your lips when you smiled, the way Steve’s hand hovered protectively near your back like he’d done it a thousand times before.

There was nothing flirtatious about it. Bucky knew that but it didn’t matter.

Because it wasn’t him.

Bucky didn’t say a word the whole ride back. Steve tried once — something about intel cleanup, maybe a joke — but Bucky just grunted and leaned back in his seat, arms folded across his chest like a shield. He didn’t look at him. He didn’t look at you, either.

Not because he didn’t want to. He wanted to more than anything. But looking at you felt dangerous right now. Like he’d let something slip. Like he’d do something stupid.

You were sitting beside Steve. Not close, not touching, not whispering. Just talking. Casual. Comfortable.

And the entire situation wasn’t your fault. You hadn’t done anything wrong. Bucky knew that.

But knowing didn’t change the way his stomach clenched when you laughed — not loud, not flirty, just a soft sound that still somehow made his teeth grind.

You didn’t even know. You didn’t know how long he’d wanted you.

How it started back in Germany — when you showed up at that god-awful warehouse where Steve had hidden him away before the airport fight. You were new to the team then, still rough around the edges, still learning the weight of the world on your shoulders.

You walked into that room like it didn’t scare you. Like he didn’t scare you. Everyone else flinched when they saw the metal arm. You didn’t.

You sat on the dusty floor next to him while Steve paced in the background, asking if he was okay, if he needed food or air or time. You asked him if he wanted to talk. You handed him a protein bar. You didn’t stare at the scars.

You didn’t treat him like glass.

And that—God, that was it.

He’d been gone for decades, a ghost in his own skin, and you looked at him like he was human. That was all it took. One stupid granola bar and a smile and he was yours.

He’d been nursing that crush ever since. Quietly. Pathetically.

You made it too easy. You treated him like a person, and he followed you like a dog.

But he never said anything. Never acted on it. He figured it would pass eventually — the ache, the want, the way his eyes tracked your every move like a fucking live wire. He thought if he stayed silent long enough, it’d burn out on its own.

It didn’t.

It just got worse.

Every time you touched someone else, it flared. Every time Steve made you laugh, or Sam tossed you a wink, or even Natasha slung her arm around your shoulders during post-mission drinks — it twisted something inside him.

Something ugly.

He hated it. Hated himself for it. For wanting something soft and normal when he knew he wasn’t either of those things. For feeling jealous like he had any right to be.

You weren’t his.

But today, watching you with Steve — seeing how natural you were together, the way you looked at him without thinking — it had broken something.

He’d barely been able to stay in his seat.

Even now, he could still see your hand on Steve’s chest. Could still hear the way you’d laughed — easy, familiar, like Steve was yours.

The thought made him sick.

Because for all the noise in his head, Bucky Barnes knew one thing: He wanted to be the only one who made you laugh like that.

———

The mission was over. Your body ached, your head was pounding, and all you wanted was a hot shower and ten hours of sleep.

The compound was quiet by the time you made it in. Just the soft hum of lights and the distant drone of Sam bitching to FRIDAY about his “unfair” share of the cleanup detail. You smirked to yourself as you slipped out of your tac vest, wiping dried blood off your neck with a towel from the med station.

“Rough one, huh?”

You glanced up — Steve again, leaning against the corridor wall with two water bottles in hand. He tossed you one. You caught it easily.

“Thanks,” you muttered, cracking the seal. “Next time remind me not to follow you into any building marked ‘abandoned missile silo.’”

Steve grinned. “You love the chaos.”

You rolled your eyes, bumping his shoulder as you passed. “I love not being blown to hell.”

He laughed and followed behind you, chatting casually. Debrief notes. Intel scraps. Something about a weapons crate Tony was going to lose his mind over. You half-listened, too exhausted to give him your full attention.

You said goodbye to Steve and turned the corner toward the east wing and nearly ran into a wall of solid muscle.

Not exactly a wall.

Bucky.

He was just standing there — tactical gear half undone, sweat still clinging to his temple, soot smudged across the sharp line of his jaw. He hadn’t even showered yet, and somehow he still managed to look like something out of a noir film — all shadow and coiled silence.

You blinked. “Jesus—how do you move that quietly in boots?”

His lips twitched. “Super soldier perk.”

“Creepy perk,” you muttered, but your smile softened it. “You okay?”

He didn’t answer right away — just stared at you. Not in a rude way. Not exactly. But like he was seeing something that didn’t quite belong in this world. Like you’d glitched the matrix.

Your hair was still dusty from the mission. There was a small scrape on your temple. Your mouth was chapped. And you still somehow looked soft — kind. Warm in the way war-hardened people rarely stayed.

“I’m fine,” he said finally, voice low. “You?”

You gave him a tired shrug. “Still standing.”

He gave a small grunt, and your eyes fell on the metal arm hanging at his side.

Without thinking, you reached out and nudged his elbow — a gentle, friendly bump. “You came in fast at the end there. That last guy had me pinned, you know.”

His mouth twitched again — not quite a smile, but close.

“Didn’t like the look he gave you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Really? He was trying to kill me.”

“Still,” Bucky muttered, voice quieter now. “Didn’t like it.”

There was a pause — one that should’ve felt awkward, but didn’t. Just thick. Heavy with something unspoken.

You bumped him again, softer this time. “Well… I liked the way you got between me and the bullet. So. Thanks.”

That did it.

His heart kicked once, hard, right in his chest. You were already turning to leave, brushing past him with a casual wave, like you hadn’t just set his whole damn nervous system on fire.

“Go shower,” you said over your shoulder. “You smell like smoke and brooding.”

You turned to leave and Bucky stood there for a long, long moment — head tilted slightly, lips parted, like he couldn’t quite catch his breath.

He ran a hand over his face.

God, he was so gone for you.

He watched you disappear down the hallway, your silhouette framed in the warm light — hair flowing, shoulders slack with exhaustion, still so effortlessly radiant even after a mission, your hips swaying with that careless kind of grace that drove him mad. You didn’t even know you were doing it — didn’t know the way his eyes followed every step you took.

You didn’t even look back.

You never did. Not like that.

He exhaled slowly, jaw working, chest tight. He’d told himself not to feel like this. Not about you.

But God — it was impossible.

You’d teased him gently, like always. Thrown him a smile and a careless jab about the way he smelled. — He should’ve laughed. Instead, he stood frozen — throat tight, jaw clenched, something unholy clawing its way up from his chest — You never meant anything by it, and still… it stuck in his there like a thorn. Not in a painful way. Just in that quiet, aching way that reminded him he wasn’t built for things like this. Like you.

He’d tried so hard to be patient. To keep things light. Friendly. Safe. You were sweet to him — always had been — but you never looked at him the way you looked at Steve. And maybe that shouldn’t matter. Maybe he had no right to want more.

But he did.

He remembered Germany — how you’d offered your hand to him like it was the easiest thing in the world. Like you wanted to know him. He remembered the fight on the airport — the dirt on your cheeks, the fire behind your eyes and every moment you hadn’t hesitated to stand between him and danger.

You’d smiled at him.

You’d made him feel normal.

And now, months later, that feeling hadn’t dulled. If anything, it had carved out a permanent space inside him. He liked the way you talked to him like he wasn’t broken. The way you made the world feel quieter just by being nearby. The way your laugh made something behind his ribs loosen.

He didn’t know what this was. But he knew it was more than just admiration. It had grown roots.

And tonight — after seeing you so close to Steve, the way your hand had lingered on Steve’s chest, the way he had touched your waist — something in Bucky cracked a little.

Not with jealousy. But with fear.

What if he was too late?

You’d thanked him tonight. Nudged his arm. Smiled at him like he was more than just a weapon. Like he mattered. And it overwhelmed him, because you didn’t even realize what you were doing to him.

And maybe it wasn’t enough anymore — watching you from a distance. Smiling back like it didn’t hurt. Pretending he didn’t want more.

Maybe it was time to say something. Before someone else did.

Before he missed his chance.

He didn’t even think. Just turned and walked — quiet and certain — toward your door.

———

You just stepped into the shower , steam curling in the bathroom when you heard it — a quiet knock.

Your hair was damp, clinging to your neck. Warm droplets ran down your back from where the towel didn’t quite reach. You tightened the knot at your chest with one hand and padded barefoot across the floor, thinking maybe Nat had come to scold you for leaving your boots in the common room again.

You opened the door and froze.

So did he.

“…Bucky?”

He didn’t speak. Didn’t blink. Just stood there, eyes dark and wide, like you’d knocked the breath out of him. His knuckles were still half-curled from the knock, like he hadn’t expected you to actually open it.

Or at least, not like this.

“Sorry,” you said quickly, one hand flying to your towel instinctively, even though it wasn’t going anywhere. “I was just about to shower. What’s—um—everything okay?”

His throat bobbed with a hard swallow. His eyes darted up to meet yours — polite, panicked — but they didn’t stay there.

They couldn’t.

Not with the way your bare shoulders glistened with steam. Not with the way that towel clung to the curve of your hips. Not when you were standing there, soft and flushed and so damn close, looking at him like he hadn’t just nearly lost his mind over you ten minutes ago.

“I—” His voice cracked, and he cleared it quickly. “Sorry. I should’ve… waited. Or come back.”

You tilted your head. “Come back for what?”

He hesitated.

And then… he exhaled. “I needed to talk to you.”

Something in your chest fluttered — nerves, maybe. Or just curiosity. Because Bucky didn’t usually come to people’s rooms. Didn’t usually ask to talk.

You took a small step back.

“Well,” you said, voice lighter now. “You can talk while I find some clothes. Just, uh—don’t have a heart attack or anything.”

That almost pulled a laugh out of him.

Almost.

Instead, he gave a tight, shaky nod, stepped inside, and closed the door behind him.

The click of it echoed louder than it should have.

He didn’t sit. Didn’t move toward you. Just stood near the door with his hands curled into fists at his sides, jaw tense, like he was trying very hard not to look at you again.

But he was failing.

And you could feel it — the weight of his stare trailing your bare skin like a phantom touch.

You turned slightly, pretending to dig through a dresser drawer for something to wear. “So… what’s up?”

“I couldn’t keep it in anymore,” Bucky said quietly.

You froze — one hand still hovering over the open drawer, a cotton shirt limp between your fingers. The steam in the room had started to fade, but now it felt thick again. Dense with something unspoken.

You turned slowly. The towel was still wrapped around you, clinging to your skin. But for the first time tonight, you forgot about it. Because Bucky wasn’t looking at you like you were half-naked.

He was looking at you like he was breaking.

Like something inside him had finally snapped loose and he didn’t know how to gather it back together.

“I tried,” he said, voice raw. “Tried to keep my distance. Be your friend. Be… normal. But I can’t—not when I care about you the way I do. Not when I see you and Steve laughing and feel like I’m the only one on the outside of something I don’t know how to reach.”

Your heart squeezed. Hard.

“Bucky…”

“I don’t think you even realize,” he said, stepping forward just once — not close enough to touch, but close enough that you could see every flicker of fear in his eyes. “Back in Germany, when you first looked at me like I wasn’t dangerous… like I was just a guy you were glad to meet. No one’s looked at me like that in a long time.”

You swallowed thickly, towel knot digging into your chest with the pressure of your breath.

“I remember,” you whispered.

He nodded, eyes locked on yours.

“You changed something in me that day. And ever since, I’ve been trying to figure out how to unfeel it. How to be near you and not want more. But I can’t. I don’t want to anymore.”

The silence that followed was heavy. Not awkward. Just full. The kind of silence that held years of hurt, months of closeness, and one aching truth suspended in the air.

Then—softly—you asked:

“What is it you want, Bucky?”

He exhaled like it hurt. Ran a hand over his mouth, his brow. Like saying it out loud might wreck him.

“I want to know if you ever look at me the way I look at you.”

You didn’t answer right away.

Not because you didn’t want to — but because the words caught in your throat. His confession settled over you like a warm ache, pulling memories to the surface. His quiet kindness. The way he always walked on the side of traffic. How he let you tease him and never pushed when you pulled away. How his eyes always found you in a room, even when you didn’t notice.

You looked at him now — really looked — and saw the worry bleeding through every line of his face. His shoulders were tense like he expected you to walk away. And it hit you like a wave.

You’d liked him all along.

You’d just… never let yourself admit it.

“I didn’t know,” you said softly, stepping forward. Your fingers clutched the towel tighter, not out of modesty, but nerves. “I didn’t let myself think about it. About being with someone.”

His brow furrowed. “Why not? I mean... I'm sure guys are all around you.”

You gave a small, breathless laugh. “Because wanting someone feels dangerous. It always has. Letting someone in, letting them matter… it means they can hurt you. And I didn’t think I could handle that.”

He didn’t speak. Just listened. Let you breathe through it.

“But then you came along,” you whispered. “And you never asked anything of me. Never rushed me. Never made me feel like I had to give you more than I had.”

You looked up at him then — at those soft, uncertain eyes, the way his arms hung at his sides like he was holding himself back. Always holding back.

And you felt it break open inside you.

“I think I’ve liked you for a long time, Bucky,” you said. “I just didn’t know I was allowed to want this.”

For a second, he didn’t move. Then, slowly — carefully — he reached out, fingertips brushing your forearm like he was afraid you’d vanish if he touched too much.

“You’re allowed,” he murmured.

You stepped into his space, towel and all, heart thundering like it hadn’t in years.

He looked at you like he couldn’t believe this was happening.

Your fingers reached for his wrist first, light and trembling, grounding yourself in something solid. Then he cupped your face, slowly, reverently — metal fingers on one side, warm flesh on the other. You leaned into the touch without thinking, eyes fluttering shut.

Then he kissed you.

It was gentle at first. Careful. Almost scared. Like if he went too fast, it would all disappear.

You made a soft sound against his mouth — not quite a gasp, but something between surprise and relief. Your hands slid up his chest instinctively, feeling the taut muscle beneath his t-shirt, the way his heart pounded hard and steady under your touch.

He pulled back for just a breath, forehead resting against yours. His voice was raw.

“Tell me if I’m going too fast.”

You shook your head. “No. Don’t stop.”

That was all he needed. The second kiss came deeper — hungrier. His hands cradled your waist, pulling you flush against him, towel and all. You opened your mouth to him without hesitation, letting his tongue slide over yours as the air between you grew hotter, heavier.

You felt his breath catch when your fingers slipped beneath the hem of his shirt, palms dragging over the hard plane of his stomach. His body shuddered, like he’d been holding back too long.

And then his grip tightened — not rough, but needing — and he pressed you back, gently walking you toward the bed, mouths never parting.

Your towel loosened with the movement, and you felt it slip.

He broke the kiss just long enough to look down as it hit the floor — and when he looked back up at you, eyes blown wide with heat, it wasn’t just desire you saw there.

It was awe.

Like he’d waited his whole life for this moment.

“Jesus,” he whispered. “You’re—”

You kissed him again, hard.

And he caught you, hands spanning your back, fingers dragging over bare skin like he wanted to memorize every inch. His lips moved down to your jaw, then your throat, teeth grazing lightly, making you gasp.

“Bucky—”

His voice was a low growl against your skin. “You're so beautiful. All of you... God, I’ve thought about this,” he breathed, kissing a path down your collarbone, “for so long.”

You arched into him, pulling at his shirt, breathless. “Then take it off.”

He did — in one quick motion, tossing it aside. His body pressed to yours, skin to skin, heat rolling off him in waves. You dragged your hands down the lines of his back, felt the way his muscles tensed under your touch.

He bent to kiss you again, slower this time — like he wanted to feel every flicker of emotion behind it, to brand the taste of you into memory.

But when your hips rolled into his just slightly, instinctively, something inside him snapped.

Not rough. Not careless. Just urgent. His mouth tore from yours and moved to your ear, voice hoarse, breath ragged.

“Wait,” he murmured, arms tightening around you.

You blinked up at him, dazed. “What is it?”

He exhaled hard, like he was trying to ground himself — and then, suddenly, he was lifting you off the floor. You gasped, arms flying around his shoulders.

“Bucky—!”

“I’ve got a better idea,” he muttered, lips ghosting over your cheek.

“What?” you asked, half breathless, half laughing.

His grin was crooked and dark, eyes glinting with wicked intent.

“You were about to shower, weren’t you?"

Your stomach fluttered. Heat coiled low.

And then he was carrying you to the bathroom like you weighed nothing, your bare body pressed against his chest, the door shutting behind you with a soft click.

Steam still lingered from your earlier attempt, fogging the mirror. He set you down gently, and you barely had time to speak before he was tugging off the rest of his clothes with shaking hands — his eyes never leaving yours.

Then came his boxers.

He hooked his thumbs beneath the waistband and paused — just long enough for your eyes to drop, anticipation coiling tight between your thighs.

And when he pushed them down…

God.

You knew he’d be big. You knew. But it still made your lips part in a silent gasp, heat rushing to your face, to your core, as his cock sprang free — thick, flushed, already dripping with precum, heavy against his thigh.

Bucky’s mouth quirked, barely a smirk, but his eyes stayed locked on yours like he was watching your every breath, every flicker of reaction.

You stood still for a beat, watching him, your eyes drifted back up — the way his chest rose and fell, the scar beneath his collarbone, the tension in his jaw — like he was trying not to devour you.

You stepped back into the shower first, letting the water wash over your skin again, warm and welcome. Your breath hitched as you turned, watching him follow.

Bucky stepped in behind you, quiet for a moment. The water slid over his chest, down the ridges of muscle and old wounds and memory. His metal hand flexed at his side. Then he looked up at you.

“Come here,” you said softly.

He moved toward you slowly, almost hesitantly, like he still couldn’t believe this was real. His hands found your hips under the stream, thumbs brushing your skin.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said again, like it hurt to admit.

Your fingers reached up to tangle in his damp hair. “You make me feel like I am.”

His forehead pressed to yours.

And then he kissed you again — deeper this time, wetter, the rhythm of it syncing with the falling water. His hands roamed more freely now, down your spine, up your sides. He held you like he didn’t know where to start, like every part of you deserved to be touched.

The heat between you built slow and steady. His mouth trailed to your jaw, then your throat, tasting droplets as he went.

“I’ve got you,” he breathed, pressing you gently back against the tile, your skin arching into the chill as heat rolled off him in waves.

The water hit your shoulders, cascading down your chest, but all you could focus on was him. The slick drag of his palms across your ribs. The weight of his body slotting perfectly between your thighs.

His hands gripped the underside of your thighs, lifting you effortlessly. You wrapped your legs around his waist on instinct, the feel of his cock heavy and hard, brushing right where you needed him.

“Fuck,” he groaned, voice wrecked. “You’re so soft. So fuckin’ warm—”

You pulled him down into a kiss, all tongue and teeth, water pouring over both of you as your hips shifted against his. His cock slid against your slit, teasing and hot, the slickness of the shower only making it worse — better.

“Bucky—please,” you gasped, biting his lower lip.

His head dropped to your shoulder, panting.

“You want it, baby?” His voice was low, filthy. “Want me to fuck you right here? Let the whole damn compound hear who you belong to?”

A needy whimper left your lips before you could stop it.

“Yes. Please. Do it.”

He didn’t wait another second. With one thrust, he buried himself inside you — deep, thick, stretching you so perfectly your breath left your lungs. Your head hit the tile with a soft thud, eyes flying open with the sudden, glorious pressure.

“Oh my—fuck,” you choked, clutching at his shoulders.

“Jesus, you feel so good,” he growled, thrusting again. His hips snapped forward, water dripping from his hair as his mouth crashed against yours. Each roll of his hips dragged a desperate sound from your throat.

The way he filled you — every inch, every grind — was possessive, intimate. He wasn’t just fucking you. He was claiming you.

“You hear that?” he rasped, slamming into you harder now, the sound of wet skin and moans echoing off the walls. “Let ‘em hear it. Let ‘em know this pussy’s mine.”

You cried out, nails digging into his back.

“Yes, yes—it’s yours, Bucky—”

“That’s right, sweetheart,” he groaned. “You take me so well. Look at you. Fuck.”

He reached down between your bodies, fingers finding your clit with practiced ease. You jerked, the sensation sharp, delicious, your orgasm already building tight in your belly.

“Come on,” he whispered against your ear, filthy and sweet. “Come on my cock. I know you want to.”

His thrusts grew faster, rougher — perfect. Your head dropped back as the pleasure overwhelmed you, and when it hit, it hit.

Your orgasm ripped through you, sharp and blinding, your whole body clenching around him as you screamed his name. Bucky groaned, stuttering inside you, barely holding himself back.

“Fuck, fuck—gonna come—”

“Inside,” you gasped, barely coherent. “Want it. All of it—”

He cursed, hips slamming deep one last time before he came with a raw moan, spilling inside you as he pressed his forehead to yours, panting.

The water poured down over you both, the heat misting your skin, but neither of you moved.

Bucky stayed pressed to you, forehead resting against yours, his hands cradling your hips like you were something fragile — something his. His breathing was still heavy, chest rising and falling against yours, heart pounding like it didn’t know how to calm down.

You leaned in first, brushing your lips over his. Soft. Barely there.

But he kissed you back like he needed it — like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. Slow, warm, reverent. His metal hand came up to cradle your cheek again, thumb stroking water away from your temple.

You sighed into it, into him, fingers drifting over the wet lines of his back, the ridges of muscle that had just held you so tightly.

“I still can’t believe this is real,” he murmured, voice barely audible over the rush of water.

You smiled faintly. “It is.”

He kissed you again — slower this time, like he was memorizing it.

Then he pulled back, just enough to smirk, eyes gleaming through the steam.

“Wanna go again?”

You blinked, caught between a laugh and a moan, your thighs already pressing together in anticipation.

“Here?” you breathed.

He leaned in, mouth brushing your ear.

“Unless you want me to carry you to bed this time…”

You flushed hot all over, biting your lip as heat pooled between your legs all over again.

“…or the counter.”

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