#basically im doing a few things here
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windy sort of time
#my art#oc: Neo#oc: Lou#vgenchallenge#artists on tumblr#happy pride#basically im doing a few things here#one trying to do vgen challenges#and also soft launch posting about my vtm vampire#this is him and his husband not in the masquerade though because he gets to exist outside of the context of the mind of theater or whatever#animation#the final thing im doing here is desensitizing myself to animation#much like a horse#it's kinda working out for me huzzah#original character#original art
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Ask follow up questions 🗣
You know, actually try and find information about the person you're talking to thats deeper than just, for example, finding out the name of their favourite movie. Ask them why its their favourite, would they recommend it, how does watching it make them feel, there's so many details to get!
Its not that hard to show a little interested because otherwise you just look like you don't actually like the person you're talking to 🥴
(This isn't about my asks on here lol I mean in actual one to one conversation)
#it took me way too long to realise thats what happens basically anytime i talk to folk#like i knew it felt one sided but i just thought i asked a lot of questions#recently understood that nope i just genuinely wanted to learn deeper details#and it wasnt a two way street#like you can learn so much about someone when you ask little side questions#that's how an actual conversation between two people that like each other should be!#when i like someone i want to learn all the things about them because its fun#im on one about this topic lol#but its so true and its ridiculously bad nowadays#i dont understand how anyone expects to make a genuine connection when the conversation is so surface level#reeeeee#no clue why i wanted to post this but its been kicking about my brain for the last few so imma dump it out here#do with the information as you will#and if it wasnt clear i did in fact not make it to bed by 2am since its now 6am#tired pup has all the brain things and 0 filter sooo#okay i really should try and sleep now since one of my siblings is coming to hang out this afternoon lol#feel free to comment or leave asks or whatever about the actual post topic if yah want#im not like grumpy as such or maybe i am in general? more frusted i think#and annoyed i wasnt able to call someone out on this in the moment because it didnt click this is what was happening but ah well#i know now and so do you so we can all do better right? right?!#okay imma go for reals now#my tags do be descending into madness#a cookie for the people that made it to this point 🍪
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stubborn
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#clemart#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#macthinker#mac opsys#prethinker#brian ttcc#i debated on maintagging this but whatverWHATEVER#i was drawing this and all i had a voice yelling at me in my head the entire time this is too embarassing sorry guys#if anyones curious bc i just realized not everyone deals with those things. the thing thats in macs hand is a omnipod pod#basically a little device that lasts a few days that you fill up with insulin and when attached you can control it through a meter#in other words it's the alternative to taking insulin shots but you manually have to fill it with insulin#whichis what the otherone is doing but trying to hold it like that is incredibly inconvenient#funfact about them. if you let them expire for too long they do this really high pitched annoying shrill yell that you cant turn off withou#a tiny thin needle. or taking a hammer to it. the hammer also works. speaking from personal experience#and yes if you cant tell another incredibly self indulgent drawing. like the finger prick one . WHTAEVER. WHATEVER.#imagine im grabbing my head with my hands and shaking around and yelling incoherently#waited till 1am to post this. as if im not the only one on here with a terrible sleeping schedule
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guys ive been drawing so much lately I've been starting to actually hate it 🙁
#i LOVE drawing and always wanna do it#but lately I feel like I'm being forced to draw stuff 🥲 even if it's of my own doing#art class. the school project I just started. the animations I make. other stuff.#I feel like I'm constantly on time limits for them (and for some of them i AM 😭)#even if there's literally 0 reasons for me to rush myself i feel SO guilty if I don't#especially when I share the wips here and ppl leave rlly sweet comments like “this is awesome! I can't WAIT to see it done <3”#those comments make me SO happy#but once my motivation starts to wane after working on a wip for days I'm like “no I HAVE to continue I've basically promised everyone this#even if I didn't... actually promise anything to anyone.... 😬#when I asked for drawing requests a few days ago I was like “haha I'll probably only get one or two ☺️”#then they just kept on coming and coming and I'm like “FUCK. WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW 😨 SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL WHAT HAVE I DONE”#and even though i KNOW I can take my sweet ass time on them#I'm still like “fuck. I NEED TO DO THIS NOW. I basically begged for drawing requests and it'd make them sad if I don't 😭😭”#if someone sent me a request and I havent drawn anything for you yet I'm sorry 😭😬#I know the logical answer to EVERYTHING would be “take a break doofus”#but the idea of *NOT* DRAWING OUTSIDE OF MY REQUIRED ART STUFF!!??? shiver me timbers#and now I'm just drawing. drawing. drawing. drawing. drawing. guilt. procrastination. more guilt.#I draw for SO MANY “pick how you do it” school projects outside of my art classes mostly bc its the easiest option LMAO#but then I get home after doing that all day and im like. fuck. there's more to draw. more to do. I don't wanna do it.#but I'm extremely bored and dont know what to do without it 🙁#you could probably write a poem out of that or something ngl LOL#anyways sorry for being a bummer. I'm gonna keep drawing for my school project after this bc I havent learned a thing 🥲 ciao ✌️#rant#rant post#vent post#artist vent#blog#*falls over dead*#I'll post like normal after this dw
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today's "it's so over" "we're so back" cycle has been "i have wasted the past, like, 10 years of my life" vs "well what the fuck was i meant to be doing anyway"
#personal#like literally nobody had a hand on the ball during my most important developmental years#knowing that those developmental years are basically behind me is rough#and im kinda just sitting here frustrated that i wasn't really raised i just had my needs provided for#but at the same time like. with those being the circumstances. its kind of normal for me to be a nothingburger of a person#like yeah of course im socially underdeveloped. teen years in a baptist church and tumblr dot com#my parents beign preoccupied w their dying parents and never really dealing with their own shit upbringings#so even if they were paying attention. the guidance they provided wouldn't have been. like. GOOD#main uni years happened during the height of covid#rawdogging some retrospectively very obvious undiagnosed mental issues#i was never turning out okay lmao#i know it's never too late to start it's just v frustrating turning 25 in a few months and having barely lived a year of it#like that is a LOT of lost time to make up for and it's not like all this shit left me well-equipped enough to know where to start#and i just do not have a lot of people in my life to talk to about this#i got like 1 non-tumblr friend i'd feel okay talking to about that sort of thing and when i do it never makes me feel better#mostly just well-intentioned ''have u considered getting over it'' type shit#i NEED to have a real social life and hobbies and to do that I NEED to move out so i NEED to get a job#and i am qualified for nothing yippeeeee!! every job listing i am woefully unequipped to handle#either bc i am unqualified or bc i would be fucking shaking any time anyone interacted w me#would genuinely give anything to back in time 10 years. i'd suffer through high school again i don't care i am just desperately unhappy
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Oh cry me a fucking river, Jesus fucking christ
#my family had to leave the province before i was born bc anti-anglophone sentiment and anti-blackness was getting so bad#my parents didnt want to raise my brother there anymore#and as adults i love this province but i may have to move away#guys. guys its literally like. your italian and you own an italian restaurant and want it to have an italian name?#NOPE. CANT DO THAT. HAS TO BE FRENCH NAME. MENU HAS TO BE IN FRENCH.#like people are lile boohoo im being oppressed for being francophone#as if its the fucling 1920s and not 2020s#no. you ARENT oppressed for being a francophone.#im still furios about the whole 'the white n*gger' thing#francophone supremacy book that used to be VERY popular. and no its not censored irl. and the arguement is basically#'francophones in canada are treated like black people are(were) in america'#and dont get me wrong. the french language DID used to be oppressed. but not for several decades at this point. francophones were not forced#to use different bathrooms and waterfountains. they were NOT treated like black ppl in america in the mid 20thc and its fucked up to say it#there was a big hullabaloo about it a few years ago bc the book was being taught it schools as part of quebecs history. in like. a fucked up#way. and the situation is SO much worse than what im making it seem here. its really really bad.
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saw Shucked! yesterday. my main three takeaways:
1. I grew up in/around like 20 towns exactly like this
2. I like how one guy thinks he's in a romantic rivalry with the other guy (who just wants to escape with his money), and the main girl is just trying not to punch everyone. and her cousin is bisexual
3. oh this badass lady wants to carry this little conman around like he's her purse dog.
#and he LIKES it#i have more thoughts this is just a shitpost#good musical! im not a comedies person but the plot was good. relied a little too heavily on wordplay imo#also the actor playing lulu (bisexual cousin & badass lady) in the version i saw uses they/them !#they didnt originate the role but they fucking killed it. it was AWESOME lulu 4ever#shucked#shucked musical#anyways umm. i think the songs coupd have been better in a few parts lyric/structure wise#it was a little generic at times#that said the use of the fiddle & typical country music is AWESOME in it they went heavy on incorporating it and imo it carries the#songs when the lyrics/structure end up lacking.#also? Best Man Wins has NO FUCKING RIGHT BEING THAT CATCHY#the chorus is just. really good.#i also enjoyed that it relied minimally on secondhand embarrasment humor. it really could have leaned into it but it didn't#instead going for a lot of puns/wordplay and fast paced fast talking conversations where people say weird things quickly#which was a little heavy handed but fun!!#overall it was fun.#very much... like um. how do i .#its a very post lin-manuel miranda musical.#you can really see his impact on the writing of a lot of musicals and honestly i didnt mind it here because it stayed an influence#the two narrators acting for bit parts and keeping the cast minimal is another plus! very fun and added to the folktale vibes#not a life changing musical but it's a solid 7/10. independently owned & best man wins are the standouts i think#a bit... er... corny#and a bit tropey/basic#but it doesn't try to be more than it is and it does it very well
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Hello from my first shift at my new store 🥰🥰 im halfway done and so far it's been so much less stressful god bless
#basically my 3rd first day in 3 months but this one should be pretty long tern#term*#someone who i met at the first store i trained at for a few days is here so it was nice to recognize someone :)#however the first thing she told me was she doesnt like it here 😭 but bc its not busy#and i get that when its not as busy the time passes slower but its also much better on my anxiety so i think its good for me#love that theres no drive through omg#ive been making drinks and i feel like i know what im doing :) except i have to figure out where they keep everything#everyone has been chill and nice :)#havent met the manager yet#so far so good
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/ IM FINALLY FREEEE
#;ooc#ooc#FINALLY I CAN SLEEP!!#and not feel guilty YEAHHHHHHHH#i downloaded z.zz; so far im at the t.rain with e.xplosives part#SO FAR- its kind of normal? as in; there wasn't something lore wise that made me go '!!!? i want to know what's up with 'x' thing!'#i'd also like to see more about the main charas; particularly b.elle#bc with w.ise i can somehow(???) sense his personality a bit more? i dont know if its because i chose him#but with b.elle she's kind of vibing; i guess its still too soon but#(not to be that fan but i will be that fan rq) when i started s.tar r.ail; i could get a sniff off the t.railblazer's personality asap#not g.enshin; personally i have never really vibed with them even at my gnshin peak? it's basically p.aimon talking for them 97% of the tim#as for other characters i havent really met much past n.icole's gang (i do like all of them i think they are all endearing) and a few#odballs here and there#i say all this but when s.tar r.ail started i TOO go bored; specially during the intro in h.erta station and#the start of b.elobog; in fact; once i got w.elt i ditched so hard#came back for some reason that i cant remember and it was joover; got g l u ed to it#so i wont be decisive with my thoughts on z.zz right now; its just a first introduction feeling kind of thing u seee#ALSO TF DO YOU MEAN H.ARUMASA WAS FREE???#im still on my quest to get s.eth; god bless he is a 4 star i thought he was a 5 star and that I would have to wait eons to get him#anyways as for my blogs;; i dunno my brain is dry; i'll just vibe until i feel the writting juices flowing!#also since i builded my a.naxa and exams and aydadayd I've been neglecting my farming in h.sr- P.HAINON....
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[crawling out of the pits of hell]: happy birfday Gu.zma.... ouaauughh [collapses and disintegrates]
#this day is off to such an insanely bad start#i'm kind of losing my mind a little bit. it's like. REALLY bad.#found out brother likely had covid and so all these new symptoms i've been struggling with are probably from that#and who knows if they'll stick around!#he's been hydrogen bomb baby coughing open mouthed everywhere for the past two or three weeks#and then we have no hot water all day and no water in general for a few hours#tomorrow will likely be the same#parents are having a new furnace installed bc our old one bit the dust a couple weeks ago#we also will not have any heating At All for the next few days but that's not much different to how its been basically all winter#and the guys installing this thing might need to do construction in my craft corner area of the basement 🧍♂️#my sister came down and helped me move all the furniture. but now everything is even more of a mess than it has been since November.#head in my hands. yeah. awesome stuff.#vent //#dandy.cmd#also have a counseling appt today and she's been useless at best and actively harmful at worst the past little while#so i am ermmm wanting to skip the appt but then i will get into trouble (yes im an adult yes i can still get in trouble)#(if ur mentally ill and say or do the wrong things + have a history of being in psych ward already... well. u can land in there again.)#idk what to even tell her at this point like. if i say anything real then she is just dismissive or mean????#idk. okay. signing out of here bc crikey i am saying far too much this morning !!!#SORRY GUZ I WISH I COULD CELEBRATE UR MADE UP BDAY. UNFORTUNATELY.... GESTURES WILDLY. YEAH.
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In case anyone is wondering why I've barely been posting since TCoR released, it's because I have filled up a journal with my thoughts on it, started translating the whole thing for fun and gotten into several heated discussions with irl friends. Until we've all read it I don't trust myself to be very active on here because if I end up being the person to accidentally spoil any of you I'd walk into the ocean.
#like i'm here i'm still insane it's just weird not being able to talk about it#honestly i'm still processing#also i have been busy with other things but i will start working night shifts next month and will probably have the entire book translated#after like two weeks#because the job is basically just to Sit There#might as well be productive#i'm honestly really curious about the official english version since cornelia's daughter is doing it#who will be more faithful to her style#which honestly? not easy. and inkheart & co read weird as hell in english if im honest#just a few more months now.......#sigh. or you could all just learn german real quick.#make an effort. for once. come on-
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Hilariously, rn I am sitting in my (college) classroom before class is supposed to start and telling everyone who steps in: "class is cancelled, teacher's sick."
He is, in fact, sick.
And he did cancel class.
I am just a weirdo sitting in the empty classroom for seemingly no real reason.
#btw i actually have a LOT of reasons for it lmao#for one I'm autistic and like working in quiet spaces#it's a math class and the building's all but empty at this point in time#so I often stay in the room after class to do other things#(sometimes schoolwork but more often writing lol)#otherwise i'm always on the quiet floor of the library lol#i literally NEVER like being “at home” because I can't focus on schoolwork (or even sometimes writing) while im there#anyway yeah#also it's because i need to charge my computer and the more comfortable place to sit doesn't have a plug lol#so im in the classroom to charge my computer lol#also-also I like helping people out and it's kinda funny to me how many people come in not having seen the email our teacher sent#but/so i think it's nice that i'm here to basically keep people from waiting around; wondering why nobody/so few others are here#before eventually checking their email or otherwise finding out class is cancelled lol#the faechild speaks#about the faechild
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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for the creetchers that are used for survival reasons like the bovine type critter with the orb eggs(?) that they use for light or the respirator crustacean or the blimp fish i will wait to post each until i can find a fun xenobiology reason for how they do what they do and will post with a fake biologist lingo caption explaining :D
#we have fun here#god what if i made an oc. a biologist oc. who specializes in the ecosystem of vesta#some of the things that the demeter survivors do are so specific that there has to have been a basic handbook for survival#if not i'd love to include speculations on how they figured out each use#specifically sam and ursula have quite the toolkit of creatures#i know ursula is a botanist so she's already keyed into some of it im sure#and sam as a ship captain has to have had a few survival guides laying around
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it is okay to not like something. it is okay to be made uncomfortable by something. this DOES NOT MEAN that something is bad/traumatizing/should be gone. it means YOU should go out of your way to stay away from it- not that the ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD needs to go out of the way to keep it from you.
i am so, so deeply tired of the violent push for online censorship in recent. its also been prevalent in media production (everything is being watered down to be 'acceptable to all', and its KILLING media)
not everything is for/about you. curate your own online experience. curate your own real life experience, too. the world will not cater to you- that does not mean it is harsh/cruel. it is impossible to cater to EVERYONE. one mans yuck is another mans yum. you have to keep the yuck away and attract the yum.
#god ive seen so many things in recent that are arguments against this basic ass internet ediquite#what the hell happened to dont like dont read#and things like that#im so tired of seeing these posts#i will unfollow and block anyone i see with this shit on their blog#like cmon yall#we can not like things but we cannot condemn eachother to hell over NOTHING#anyways blah sorry i try not to rant too much about this shit on here but oh christ#i try to preen my followers/following of these sorts of people but a few of these kinds of posts have made major circulation in recent and#am OVER IT#do NOT put that shit on my dash#christ#alright#rambles#long tags
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I GOT AN INTAGLIO PRINT FROM THE LOUVRE IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED WHAT THE FUCK😭😭😭😭😭😭
#0.txt#there were a few botanical prints i rly loved as well but they were colored and way out of my budget#there was also a gorgeous one of the louvre pyramid but it was too big for my purposes#and also a smaller print of the nike statue i rly liked but it felt too basic#i saw the real thing anyways that satisfied me ❤️#i wanted to look around more but my sister was being all impatient for god knows why 😭#i probably would have found another print i wanted there were so many#i avoided the bigger ones bc i thought they sold them flat like in the display#and i have to worry about bringing it back home#but it turns out they do roll them up ughhh i would have looked at the bigger prints more carefully#wahhhhh im so happy though my one goal was to get art here that rly speaks to me and this one does so much#i admire super detailed engraving prints the texture in this one is gorgeous i love love love love love so happyyyyy#it means so much more to me too that it used the original copper plate too
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