#bc he goes to sleep without eating dinner if not for that 1 apple

[notdapskie]

this was when i was projecting my own awful habits last november but he literally does this in the fourth game

[the-dot]

more blue sword shenanigans i like to think about, in no particular order:

1. harry bites into a peeled orange like an apple. "what?" she says, as her family looks on in horror.

"that's not how you eat oranges," says mathin.

"they are PRE-SLICED by NATURE," says innath. "WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT....CARNAGE"

"what the fuck are you talking about," harry says, but proceeds to eats her orange like a normal goddamn person

---

2. kentarre: your brother is really hot, can i bang him

harry: as long as you promise never to call my brother hot in my presence ever again you can do whatever you want

harry, later: .....this is gonna be fuckin hilarious

kentarre goes up to richard, who is sitting with jack.

"you are very hot and i would like to bang you," she says in damarian.

richard, who does not yet speak damarian: ?????????

jack laughs until he cries. kentarre fumes for a minute, then resolves to teach richard damarian so that she can flirt with him aggressively and Get A Piece Of That Ass. he learns the curse words for many things. the first time he unknowingly says something utterly filthy in damarian and looks at her hopefully she is struck with one single clear thought.

"i'm gonna marry this nerd," she decides, and promptly asks if she can bang him, because that was her original intention and kentarre is a go-getter.

---

3. "hey," corlath says. "does richard hate me?"

"????" says harry. "no??? i dont think so?? why?"

harry, internally: do i need to kill my brother

"haha just had a thought," corlath says. "it's all fine."

narrator: it was not all fine, however

corlath proceeds to be sad bc he wants to have family but it kinda seems like??? harry's family doesn't like him?? which is understandable, he supposes, seeing as he basically kidnapped an entire person without any actual reason beyond that he thought she Might be helpful.

harry, however, is having None Of That Bullshit, and corners richard.

"what the fuck did you do to my husband," she demands. "he asked me if i thought you hated him and now he's SAD."

richard: ???? what the fuck???? no???? i'm terrified of him???? why the FUCK would i make him upset

harry: ohhh oh dear

harry promptly drags richard into a room with corlath.

"neither of you dislike each other and i love you both and you both love me," she announces, "so make friends."

(they do, with her help.)

---

4. this is less shenanigans and more Assorted Feelings About The First Royal Baby: corlath absolutely cries when he sees his son for the first time.

"he's so small," he says, barely able to even look at him, because he's destroyed things less fragile with barely a glance. "i'm gonna hurt him, harry, oh gods."

"nonsense," harry says, and pulls her husband closer so that he can hold their son.

baby tor mathin absolutely adores his parents. like, he cries and cries and cries when they aren't in the room, and his parents don't have the heart to let him, so he ends up going almost everywhere with them for the first year and a half of his life. everyone is delighted by this arrangement. harry catches corlath singing tor mathin to sleep more than once and falls a little more in love with him each time.

"my boys," she says affectionately each time, and corlath is so indescribably happy with his life that it hurts a little.

---

5. somehow, the gang ends up somewhere with lots and lots of snow. three things happen:

a) innath, upon discovering that snow can be rolled into balls, slam-dunks a basketball-sized snowball onto corlath's head. it turns into War.

b) harry and corlath organize a snowball fight where they are on opposing teams, complete with forts and strategies and it kind of looks like an actual war. jack is both awed and horrified. it ends with no one the victor but everyone cold and wet. the king and queen disappear somewhere ""to warm up"" and predictably aren't seen until the next morning.

c) richard suggests ice skating, because somehow they have ice skates, and kentarre is delighted by the idea.

"KNIFE SHOES," she says, somehow doing backwards figure eights despite never having been on skates in her life

"what the fuck," corlath says, watching in horror

everyone who skates regrets it immensely the next day.

---

6. tor mathin can talk to animals, and he loves them. all of them. usually this is cute---an exasperated isfahel will come up to harry with tor mathin's collar in his teeth, drop him in his mother's lap, and walk away in a huff because tor had tried to wander away from the camp a lot of times and there is only so much herding isfahel is willing to do; he spends so much time with narknon that she treats him like a kitten and hisses at anyone she doesn't like who comes too near him; he convinces tsornin to help him onto his back and ride around the city. other times he will excitedly show his parents a new friend, and it's a cobra or a giant, feral dog that attacks every human that comes near it but is an angel to the prince. corlath has about three heart attacks every time he hears tor say "papa, look, i made a new friend!"

---

7. narknon......does not make life easy for corlath.

"i'm sorry," harry says laughingly when narknon is sprawled over corlath's half of the bed, and he would be more annoyed but he cares a lot less when she scoots over and turns and holds out a hand to him and they hold each other all that night.

"are you serious," corlath says flatly, glaring at narknon, who has seated herself in his chair at the dinner table when she had been sitting in the chair next to harry before he'd gotten up for a fraction of a second. narknon smiles a cat smile at him while harry tries valiantly not to laugh.

he gives up when he's trying to hold court with harry, not long after their marriage, and narknon is sitting on his throne.

("i do like cats," he argues later, while harry laughs so hard that tears stream down her face. "it's only that your cat thinks her purpose in life is to inconvenience me in every way possible, and i am fond of her, but she is a goddamned nuisance.")