#bc my yard isn't fenced

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

prayer request I guess?

[gemininomen0n]

3 days until i move i need to relax actually ab this

[possibilistfanfiction]

For the caitvi: dog meet cute

[if u have been here a minute u know i try to give every character a border collie bc they're my passion lol HOWEVER. vi + a big rescue pitty is an actual dream come true. i just rly love dogs & force free handling & nurturing of dogs. so here u go, they are my babies]

//

vi is practically vibrating next to you in excitement, which is endearing but a little unsettling as she drives. she'd insisted you take her bronco, because she's convinced the car will immediately be scratched and dirty inside — which isn't even true, and also she's put more work into her car than you ever will any of yours. still, you'd acquiesced without too much arguing — more for fun than anything else — and then gone through the actual items on the checklist the rescue had recommended. you spent the past day making sure there were no holes in the fence and that the gate properly latched; you'd gotten bowls and the food recommended by the vet you'd found — fear free certified, vi had said after her research, proudly showing you the results of a very nice vet clinic near your new house — and a few toys and balls, a snuffle mat, and a cute little toy you can fill with peanut butter or yogurt for him to lick. you'd gotten a ton of training treats and bully sticks, marrow bones and duck feet; you pick out two comfortable beds to put in the living room and your bedroom; vi had liked a pink harness, collar, and 6' lead, which had made you laugh and then kiss her right in the middle of the pet store; you order a long lead to go with it later that night.

so, by all accounts and purposes, you are very ready.

still, vi is acting more nervous than she had when she'd taken her lieutenant's exam a few months ago, more nervous than when you were waiting to hear back about jinx's acceptance to her graduate program, more nervous than the first night you'd really moved into your house and fell asleep on the couch, sated and spent, in front of the fireplace. you'd loved this house for many reasons, but one of the big ones was its beautiful yard: vi has been looking at rescue dogs on her phone for the entire time you've known her.

'i can't believe it's really happening,' she says, again, as she takes the turn onto the street the rescue is located on.

'we're going to have so much fun, and give him such a good home.'

she breathes a sigh out and takes her hand off the gear shift to squeeze yours. you'd brought it up a few weeks ago, maybe looking into a dog, since you had the space, and you lived together now, and you owned the house, rather than having pet restrictions in an apartment. there had been a million excuses she'd offered, all of them poor and all of them because she was just nervous. you know how well you can manage things, how that's a way you're good at showing your love, and you know how gentle and nurturing v's nature is when given the chance.

she parks and you kiss her gently. 'hey, any dog would be lucky to be raised by rich lesbians with no kids.'

it gets her to laugh, finally, her nerves dissipating. 'speak for yourself. i'm not rich.'

you roll your eyes — it's not a secret that you want to get married one day, that you like making sure that vi — and her family — has everything they need, especially since you make enough money through your own work to not need any of your trust fund. 'rich in love.'

she groans but takes your hand anyway, laces your fingers together before you open the door.

the rescue coordinator and trainer meet you in the lobby, smiling, and compliment vi on her treat bag and the collar, harness, and leash set you'd brought. you had applied for the dog the week before, having seen his picture for one second and then showing it to vi, and you'd watched a soft smile grow on her face. you'd gone through a video call interview, and now all that's left is an in-person meet-up to see if a trial adoption period feels good for both of you and the dog.

he's already alone in the little play yard with one of the other volunteers, and you hear vi sniffle next to you, and then laugh, when you look her way, before getting down on her knees.

'hi, atlas,' she says, as you crouch down too, and it doesn't take even a second before the dog — muscular and goofy, with a blocky head, mostly black fur with a few white spots — bounds over to both of you and bowls vi over with how excited he is.

you laugh, and you get out your phone to take a few pictures; vi kisses his head and you rub behind his ears. you understand that it's important, and good, that the rescue does a trial adoption period, but his eyes are a grey-blue and he has a scar above one of them, and after vi throws the ball and you play tug with him a little, he just lies down half in her lap while she scratches his offered tummy — you know that there's no way this dog is ever going back.

'it's a good thing you're, uh, you know... fit,' the trainer says, a little flustered at the obvious muscles and veins of vi's arms in one of her t-shirts, you think, which, okay, you do understand. 'we're working on his leash skills, still, and he's getting so much better! but he's a strong guy.'

you'd, of course, read atlas' bio: he was rescued off the side of the road, alone, starving and sick, and he's spent almost the last two years at the rescue, cared for, of course, but overstimulated. he's loved his field trips, and he's friendly to kids, other dogs, even cats. he's active, park plays and hikes, but he really just wants to cuddle and sleep. mostly, he's been overlooked because he's a strong pit bull with a big bark. vi had immediately wanted him, even if she hadn't quite said so: you'd understood.

the trainer talks you through helping him feel safe as you put his new harness on, but he really doesn't seem to care at all when you offer him some chicken as a reward after. he licks your face and, admittedly, you are kind of in love already. the trainer plays with him while you and vi go inside and fill out the final paperwork, and he seems more subdued when you come back. but, 'you're so smart, huh?' vi says to him, the second he starts getting excited when she takes his leash and walks toward the exit. he starts whining and pulling, but when you get through the door, your hand in vi's, atlas turns around and jumps on both of you a few times. it doesn't bother you, and it makes vi cry, so you don't even try to coax him away with treats: you just let him feel freedom, safe and sound, for the first time.

//

atlas rides calmly in the car on the way home, watching everything out the window in his little dog car hammock, easily tolerating when you'd secured him with the seat belt extension that attached to his harness. jinx, unsurprisingly, has already come over when you get home, and she laughs and falls back on the ground, letting him lick all over her face, when he rams into her in hello. she slips a custom, thank you very much bandana — a lot of neon pink — onto him and kisses his forehead, but she has class, she pouts, so she promises to be over again tomorrow to play with him.

you and vi show atlas around the house, direct him to some toys; vi gives him a few chew options to see which one he'll pick — a beef marrow bone, no surprised there — and then he settles on the bed in the living room and works on his bone for an hour, both of you just smiling and watching from the couch, before he finishes and lumbers over to you, hopping up and burrowing in between you with a sigh.

vi starts to cry again, which makes you start to cry, and you both just sit there, laughing too, while you pet him.

'you have to know that this is, like, you in dog form, right?' you ask eventually.

'a brilliant and sensitive heart behind a strong, rugged exterior? of course.'

she's using humor to deflect — you both know at this point — but you let her get away with it this time.

//

atlas settles in easily, like he was always meant to be yours, and maybe he was. one morning, when vi is on shift, you take him on his long line to your favorite trail just outside the city and just let him walk and sniff for an hour or so, and then sit with you on the patio of your favorite cafe while you have a coffee. he sleeps and says hello when people ask, and, while he still gets so excited he often knocks jinx and vi over still when they get home, he's so gentle greeting strangers that you have to fight back tears. when you take him to the crag a month in, he makes friends with every person there and then gnaws on a bully stick before sleeping the afternoon away in a patch of sun.

for years, since you'd met vi, she'd had a hard time sleeping: you knew why, and you understood it. you'd tried all kinds of things to help with her insomnia and nightmares: therapy, and medication, and different techniques to ground and calm. it's always been a losing battle, though, things getting worse after long, hard shifts where calls had gone bad; oftentimes you'd get home from a full day at work and she hadn't slept at all since she got home from a 24 hour shift that morning: it hasn't been uncommon for her to go thirty hours without any good sleep for as long as you'd known her.

today, you'd been expecting the same thing: dark circles beneath her eyes, exhausted muscles that still can't rest, a painstakingly cooked dinner she'd prepared to, somehow, in her mind, make up for all of it. you'd talked to her on her drive home this morning, her short responses about the call she'd gone on dealing with an apartment fire in her childhood neighborhood last night telling you more than a robust description ever could.

when you walk in, though, the living room is dark, the fireplace mostly embers. it's cold outside, windy and probably going to snow tonight, so usually she would stoke it for you before you get home. there's no smell of dinner, and you don't hear atlas' paws scrambling to come jump on you in hello. for a split second, you're kind of terrified, before you notice the sound of snoring, and then your eyes find them: atlas is almost completely on top of vi on the couch, one of her hands still on his shoulders and the other stretched behind her head. they're both breathing deeply, soft snuffles and sighs, and you almost sink to your knees right then and there. you have your own demons, your own discussions in therapy and fights with your mom and aches in the middle of the night, but vi spent years of her life in the dark, alone, kept from any love or care, being treated like a dangerous animal. you want to marry her; you want jinx to annoy the hell out of you for years; you want a life with her, forever.

so you wipe your tears and put your coat away quietly, put your bag away and set your computer to charge in the office. you'd tentatively made plans to climb with vi after you'd gotten off work, mostly because it helps regulate her nervous system, even if you're both exhausted. but instead, you ease yourself gently onto the coffee table across from the couch and touch her face, then scratch behind atlas' soft ears.

'hello, my darlings.'

vi startles awake, disoriented, but then takes stock of atlas — who seems excited you're home, from the happy thump of his tail, but unwilling to move, far too warm and comfortable — and her eyes meet yours, a little smile sneaking its way onto her face. 'hey, cupcake.'

'it's nearly six.'

'oh. wow.'

'yeah?'

'i've been asleep for, like, five hours, i guess.'

you both almost burst into tears, but you kiss her forehead instead and say, 'shall we order in? movie night? it looks like mr. atlas here doesn't want to give up his prime spot.'

vi rubs her thumb along your cheek, always adoring, always gentle. 'ramen?'

'you drive a hard bargain.'

you don't talk about it further then: you go change into a pair of shorts and one of vi's sweaters, and atlas pouts but makes room for you on the couch too, eventually resting his head in your lap, and you put in your typical ramen order on your phone before vi picks a movie you'd both wanted to watch and had missed in theaters. she gets up, eventually, to open a bottle of wine for you and grab a beer for herself, and to put a new log on and then stoke the fire, before curling back up into your side.

'you know, i've thought about his name.'

'yeah?'

'jinx has come up with, like, seven thousand nicknames, some of which he responds to because she feeds him cheese all the time.'

vi rolls her eyes, but you laugh.

'but, you know. the weight of the world, and all that.'

'like i said, you in dog form.'

vi shakes her head but it becomes common occurrence, as the weeks and months and years go on, to come home to her after a shift, held down by altas, happily resting with her: a peace that's hard-found and even harder-earned, a companion for it all.

[ajawnich]

im so sad / angry we were getting in the car to go get food and my dad noticed a stray cat was stuck to the fence in our neighbors back yard, at least that's the reasonable assumption we made but as we got closer to help him we realized his paw was stuck in some kind of fucking trap, like there's nothing this could have been other than an animal trap. it closed around his paw and no matter how hard he tried to pull he couldn't get it out, and he was really scared obviously and fought us when we were trying to save him bc he was so scared. my dad had to get gloves and eventually he figured out how to unlock it and freed the cat. and then my dad picked up the trap and took it into the garage so nobody else can get trapped. is that technically stealing the neighbors property? yeah lmao but they shouldn't have anything like that in the first place so now they don't get to have it anymore lol. but im wondering how long he was stuck there ): and i hope his paw isn't too hurt, he was Really pulling on it and i havent inspected the trap yet since we still had to get our food (since i ordered it on the app already so like they'd be waiting on us to come pick it up) but idk how the closing mechanism works, idk if it was just closed really tight on his paw or if there were like spikes or something in there. either way very inhumane, he ran away immediately once he was freed (understandably) i guess now we're gonna be examining their back yard to see if they put any other shit like that out there. cause we'll just keep taking them lmao

[mcalhenwrites]

A break from social media and how I use it has really been good for me. I need to be careful not to be sucked back in again. I should aim to mostly just post updates, but I do want to talk about my characters/writing as well. I will continue promoting my book, and ofc my Patreon and KoFi which are both "MCalhen" ;) I've been thinking about taking most (not all) of my fics and original works out of the private collection on AO3. I have a dilemma with one fandom (it's a nightmare circus of drama and several authors were chased out or hurt well before me), but I hope to eventually have the nerve to overcome that and say, "Too bad, you have to put up with the existence of my writing alongside yours. Get over it." Another thing is that Rascal isn't coming out of the collection. I plan to delete it. It's getting edited, I'm adding a couple of scenes I think would benefit the storytelling, and I'm publishing it. :) I'm on the fence about whether or not to release the original Seasons with comments closed, bc while it might be fun to compare it to the new one... so many things have been improved. Maybe it's also important to realize that if someone is that fixated on saying an earlier draft is permanent, that's a them issue and has nothing to do with me. A lot of my current WIPs are divided between if I'm going to publish them or post them on AO3. I have a few that I'm uncertain about either way. I want to share some work for free, and I have some stuff that's dark enough, self-publishing isn't much of an option right now. Note that when I promote my patreon and kofi, it's for original writing and art. No fanfic or fanart. The only link it has to AO3 is that I draw sketches of things from original stories posted to AO3. I will never post commercial links to the site, as that is against TOS. Seasons will always be free. Which leads to another thought: I wonder if I could get away with crossposting it to any sites? (I considered fictionpress.) I'm feeling better and want to keep sharing my work. I want to keep monetizing some of it. I want to be an author. I also really want to share things for free. Seasons is one of those stories that resonates a lot with people, and I know how badly I've always needed a story like that told. It's why I write, is to tell stories I need. But that one is... uniquely special and personal. I always want it to be accessible without any paywall. But I still need to make a living. So some books will be sold. Some will not. Just slap me if I ever get to be one of those big names who thinks I can do whatever I want, like those people on AO3 who say that they won't update their fics unless you pay them on patreon. (That's something you report to AO3 as a violation btw) I don't know where a good place to ramble about my stories is - probably here, since people can send me asks about characters and stories - but I'd like to do that, bc I enjoy doing it. :'D Anyway, I have my goals mostly figured out. Maybe someday I can post more of my work without hiding it away (yes, what you see is a fraction of what I write). Maybe I can also publish and make enough money to afford things I need, including a house with a yard and garden.

[shehasjustone-hiccup]

I am not pleased with partner this morning 🙂

So this is week 3 of early morning workouts for me.

I usually get back to the house by 6:10/6:15a

I do this routine today, and there's a man in the road looking intently between my house and my neighbor to the left

My house has a lot of big pine trees and bushes in between neighbor and I, but it's still the suburbs. Between the houses isn't easy seen unless you're at a specific spot and then you're able to see into my backyard which has no fence towards the street

I decide not to pull into driveway bc Stranger Danger my house. It's dark, he's in a part of yard that camera doesn't see, my usual entrance to house is out of view too, and it's clear I am alone going into the house at 6:15am (partner is asleep inside)

So I keep driving, and start calling him to at least walk me back inside or wait outside for me.

I call nine times

Nine. Times.

He does not pick up once. I leave a petty voicemail that he's not my morning emergency contact anymore (I'm scared ➡️ angry and period soon so im being petty and lashed out). He's dead asleep. Once I got inside I see him knocked the fuck out and wrapped in blankets

But like come on guy

If there was an emergency in the morning, I'm a goner.

By the time I drove back, the man was gone but what am I to do next time.

I think he should be waking up soon, and I didn't try talking to him when I got into the house because it wouldve been unproductive, so I'll let the 9 missed calls and a voicemail stress him until I'm home. (I have sent him memes and reels on IG though to let him know he's not dead to me)

This is very uncommon behavior and patterns for both of us but geniunely, if there was a emergency that early today, Mr. OneHiccup wouldn't have been able to save me

There will be a talk today

[nathank77]

10/14/24

7:22 p.m

Riley ran out of the yard yesterday, through the neighborhood bc the fence isn't good enough it has holes. I didn't chase her i just followed her and called her name. She kept running back to me and then running away again. Eventually she followed me back into the yard.

If she didn't have poison ivy on her before. There is no way she doesn't now and I'm suffering. My sister is fucking dragging her ass on finding Riley a home. I'm starting to think I'll actually have to call animal control. A disabled guy and disabled woman can't take care of her.

My sister is leaving my mom sol on everything. I have been the only one helping. Skye and her had an explosive argument about mom wanting to rehome Riley. Skye used my mother's trauma against her.

Skye is being fucking disgusting. Ever since Riley ran through the neighborhood and obv hit poison ivy I've barricaded my hallway to the bathroom. I interacted with her today with my poison ivy gloves and an outfit.

I'm dying inside. I want her gone. I can't live like this. I actually live behind a barricade. I always feel like I'm in danger. I never feel safe. Like I panick about everything. I can hardly take care of myself.

I had to re-put on the posion ivy clothes to let her out of the crate. So I'm just waiting for it to happen to me. I'll never stop waiting and expecting it.

Tomorrow I'm staying behind my barricade. I just want my life back. I'm sick of wearing gloves. I'm sick of panicking. I'm sick of walking around with wet feet in sneakers after the shower to get to my room bc I can't clean the bathroom floor everyday so I just clean the shower and keep my sandals on the clean rugs..... it's gross af sticking wet feet into sneakers.

I want the dog gone. And my sister is punishing all of us at this point.

Tomorrow I'm staying behind my barricade. I'm going to game. I'll have mom lock her in the crate and take her out after her aid leaves and after I make my eggs. I'm staying away from her. I just can't anymore. I feel like poison ivy is everywhere.

I know i shouldn't be taking care of a dog. And she's not eating.... idk why bc I've spent time with her and stood over the bowl. I played with her and all that. But she's not eating.

I'm sick of this dog being the center of my life. I want to clean the house and take care of my mother and fucking go to prime house or something and meet someone but leaving my safe barricade is anxiety provoking but at least I don't have to pee in a bucket and I never did.... think smarter not harder... but I mean it's rileys house and I just want my house back.

I just want to focus on me and my mother. I'm sick of this dog taking my whole day due to the compulsive behaviors I have developed and the obsessions I'm suffering from. I'm giving skye 2 more days before I call animal control and surrender her bc her owner aka skye isn't taking care of her and she put the responsibility on two disabled people who cannot provide adequate care.

I also think I'm hyper but you know I'm not allowed a moment of peace or anytime to think about myself bc my entire brain is fucking fear, danger and new compulsive behaviors to keep me safe.

Oh and yea no one likes me on dating sites but it's whatever. I'm going to kill myself soon.

[gfwooyo]

met a big dog in my yard today and i gave him food and water and named him buttercup and then he went on his way 😔 unfair that i form emotional attachments to animals within the first 15 seconds of meeting them and they still choose to leave me

[kangals]

my neighbors behind me have a pointer that they got a little over a year ago, and he spends all day every day outside in their yard which is invisible-fenced. which, hey i think that's stupid (their yard isn't huge and i've seen him almost get hit by delivery trucks in their driveway multiple times) but not my dog not my issue. except about a month ago either the fence started quitting or the dog decided 'fuck it' because now i see him cross the property line into my yard/my neighbors yard at least 1-2x a week, especially if my dogs are in the yard bc he really wants to race along the fence with them. i've already physically brought him back to his house twice and told the owners that he's getting out of their yard and each time the guy's been like "oh ok, yeah thanks we'll fix the collar" and clearly nothing's changed.

the dog is friendly but he's obnoxious now when i'm trying to do stuff in my yard and he's freaking out about wanting to play, bc it makes stellina start barking and boone tries to fence-fight. not to mention that i know he has no road-sense and he WILL end up hit by a car. i'm torn between actually filing an animal control report (which seems like overkill for a dog that's only briefly running into neighboring yards) and just ignoring it and letting them deal with the consequences (i.e. dead dog) on their own, but i'm so sick of dealing with this dog. whyyyy do people get so stupid about containing their fucking animals.

[xx-skinnyluv-xx]

We have this big ass front yard kinda thing in front of our house that even has a fence around it so the dogs can run free and honestly I enjoy being out with them even if it's dark but when they start running towards a spot that is too far to clearly see even with a flashlight and they keep barking over there I get so fucking paranoid. Like I'm not outside when there's daylight, idk if that white spot in the distance is a tree or a chair or maybe a person wearing something or hiding behind something bc it's not that difficult to get over the fence and the entrance isn't locked, like there isn't anything valuable there. And I have to walk over the street to my house, the yard is surrounded by trees and the railroad and there is no source of light other than my phone. Who wouldn't be paranoid. Also shady stuff happens quite often where I live and my neighbours are assholes so they probably wouldn't notice if anything happened or they wouldn't care.

Yeah, had to vent, was scared, will look for that white spot tomorrow when there's light and either feel relieved or even more scared.

[weedstoner]

ok I have been thinking about this for days. you know how you sometimes have dreams and you really think they're real? the other day I was napping and I had a dream that I woke up from my nap briefly and sat up in bed and saw that a man was looking through my kitchen/front door window (he was dressed like a gardener which makes some sense bc my landlord has gardeners who come every week) and then I guess I just laid down and went back to sleep. but this was so vivid that when I actually woke up I really had to think about whether or not it was a dream. and I had to conclude that it was a dream bc the window he looked through isn't like a front window or facing the street or anything, it looks out to my little yard which is surrounded by a locked fence. but then again the gardeners have a key to that gate. but then again again they had just come like 2 days before for their weekly duties or whatevr. dude I just don't wanna think about it any more

[deobienthusiast]

i'm honestly beefing with teenagers. i don't mind being called weird by them bc they're annoying and i've been in their shoes. that is why i'm deleting my teenage years fb posts bc i cringe from them 🤢🤣

it's around 2pm and you're here driving up a private street with your noisy bike while you live in your own private street. but you don't wanna drive there bc it takes longer to open the front gate? gtfo. and then have the guts to revvs the engine and drive around as if you're fixing your bike. i may not know much about bikes but revving it and riding around (i don't hear any tools) isn't getting it fixed.

oh but i'm the weird one for staring them down bc i just want to have a peaceful afternoon. "you're a disturbance", "oh the police is here" etc being joked to each other. how hypocrital eh.. and then my mother went out, nicely asked for them to be quiet and then his parent came home and i cheered for myself.

i'm not a nice person, i will stare down and (call me a bad person) cheer in these cases

the lady next door to us is constantly making condescending comments about our dogs that DO NOT bother her, and one day I was leaving for work, she is just staring at me as she’s walking her dog in our yard to go to the bathroom as opposed to her freshly cut, fenced in yard. she is just staring at us like we are weirdos as her dog is pooping in our yard. she was going to walk away without picking it up then my mom opened the door to hand me something and suddenly she went back to pick up her dog’s poop. i stare down people too. i literally just stared at her and so did my mom

[emordnilap-fr]

i'm going to have so much fun pointing shit out to people. for example the fence that's still down after a year. the ceiling in the other room that, while fixed, has not been repainted or cleaned up or had new insulation added, after a year. how it only got repaired in early july (or june, i forget bc how long it was). how the thermostat is broken and i had to live with <40F temps in my house for 2 months. how they didn't pick up the shingles. how the oven and stove clock don't work and haven't for a year. the broken seal on the fridge door. the broken tub drain. the shitty shower and toilet. the way the kitchen sink can't get hot, only warm, but the hose outside can get scalding because it's connected to the water heater for some reason. the shittiest doorknobs known to man. the unsealed attic door. the broken outlets. tell them about the kids that come into the yard, that throw eggs at the door and rocks at your head (yes, that happened last week at 1am). the kids hopping the fence of the other side of the duplex and making a racket constantly. the trash put in both the front and back yards. the improperly sealed front and back doors. the cracks in the tile grouting on the floor that means you can't mop, and if something floods - and it will flood - the water will get underneath the floor and squelch for hours and seep out water when you step on them. the broken closet in the laundry room. even more that just doesn't come to mind at this moment.

sorry this got long, i am just so incredibly done with this house. literally none of this was caused by me. the house came like this. it came worse than this, aside from the hurricane damage. it was fucking nasty when i moved in. i had to clean sludge out of doors and bags of trash from the yard. and if she's really expecting people to pay 1250 for this house? i want them to know it's not worth it. not worth my current rent. not even worth the 850 it would've been if it wasn't raised by almost 300 after i submitted my application.

like. i genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, mean it when i say this house isn't worth shit.

an open house was scheduled for my house tomorrow without me knowing until they called my DAD about it earlier today (he's on the lease but I'M the one living here and the only one who's had contact with the realtor office). so now i have to go home today, clean up between now and then because i'm clearly still LIVING there and there's shit to clean, and i'm gonna supervise them because i don't trust having that many people in my house without me there

and the other side of the duplex that's empty and has been empty since june? it's gotten no open houses :) no just mine while i'm still fucking living here :) love it

[nathank77]

9/23/24

8:36 p.m

My sister and her gf aren't having it. But they don't get it. I'm done. I'm not walking her in the middle of the day. That's when I cook dinner. I'm hungry at 12 p.m. I'm starving. That's when I brush my teeth the first time during the day. That's when I shower.

That's usually inbetween my appt times. It was already hard doing these things when reily wasn't fucking here. Now I got to do them while she's here while I freak out.

I'm not walking her. Maybe she was anxiuos. Idc. My back is fucking sore. Idk that she would have bit him. This shit is too exhausting.

I have fucking auditory hallucinations and ocd. My brain is overload anxiety all the time. And then your throw reily in and I'm not even able to brush my teeth in the morning or cook dinner bc my kitchen has shit and piss in the middle of it.

The only coping I'm going to do is, working around her shit and piss. Aka I'm not doing anything but pouring food in her bowl. I'll do her water that's what I can handle. I'll pet her. Otherwise FUCK OFF GUYS MY LIFE WAS ALREADY TERRIBLE. TAKE HER UPSTAIRS AND LET HER MAKE YOUR WHOLE HOUSE SMELL LIKE PISS AND SHIT. FUCK OFF.

I cannot live like this and the solution is to "ignore," all these responsibilities they try to pawn off on me. She's better off with another family. And if they want to make it work then I'll tip toe around her lake size pee puddles and smell her shit while I cook dinner and I'll lock myself in my room and pretend that nothing changed.

I care more about the dog than anyone else bc I know she deserves better. It's easy for my sister and her gf to be like we are cleaning up the pee and buying stuff... yup and my mother is feeding her chocolate and fucking steak. And fucking smearing shit on every surface and I'm just trying not to fucking commit suicide bc I can't control anything.

I'm not walking her. Clean the yard fix the fence and let her loose and I'll watch her and bring her out and let her in and even play with her but umm nope I'm not walking her ever again.

When I say I'm done I'm done. I want my life back. It was already too much to deal with.

I'm not over Nala. I don't want any dog but Nala. She isn't Nala. And everything is covered in piss and shit and they don't have to smell it while they cook or when they get a drink out of the fucking fridge.

Fuck off for real. They think they can talk me into it but nope I'm actually done walking her

I'm putting me first. If I'm ever going to recover from auditory hallucinations and ocd. It's baby steps and putting myself first is key and imma do that.

[nathank77]

9/23/24

1:19 p.m

I truly cannot live like this. Everything is disgusting and my mother is drunkenly just sitting around despite me telling her there is shit everywhere and then she's like when I die what are you going to do, I said give her to dad. I can't do this I have ocd. This isn't therapy for me. This isn't exposure reaponse therapy for me.

I can't fucking cook I feel like I can't shower. My brain and body is eating itself with anxiety. I can't fucking cope. I want to give her to someone with a huge back yard and a bigger house.

Idk what to do but I'm not cleaning the shit. Everything is contimained. Instead of it helping my ocd this is all everything at once and I'm fucking like if I get posion ivy I'll kill myself sound good.

I can't even shower I can't even cook. Everything was contaminated before she got here and now look at the fucking place.

Reily deserves a better life. And I can't just give her away I'd be fucking selective. I sag my dad for a reason. The yard is so fucking big. The lawn is taken care of. They have a huge family to keep her simulated. The yard is fenced in.

And I have to starve myself bc I can't cook and smell her shit and I can't pick up the shit.

Ocd is fucking real. It's not be trying to get out of responsibilities. I can't do it. I am frozen in anxiety.

[kaoticspoonie]

Ok so

I'm walking Mischief and she's a little nervous bc there were lots of motorbikes out which she isn't the biggest fan of, and lots of dogs barking.

I've been working on not fleeing when their is anxiety and had Mischief doing a loose leash to heel to loose leash type pattern.

Well this woman opens her door and started yelling, I thought bc it's loud (motorbikes, dog, wind, etc).

Basically she wants to know why I walk on this side of the street so I'm like oh I walk on the opposite side of the street from the dogs who can jump the fence. She didn't hear or didn't understand bc she asked why I walk on 'her' side of the street when it upsets her dog and sometimes stop or back up and I'm like 'oh I'm working with my dog and we can't walk on the other side where the dog who can jump the fence lives'

Then she starts saying how upset her dog is and I was like 'oh I've worked with reactive dogs before if you need help training'

She slammed the door which is when I realized how upset she actually was.

It's gonna take every self control I have to not stop and stand in front of her house every day just to mess with her. Honestly if her dog wasn't upset I would.

I'd also like to point out that neither me nor Mischief touched her grass or were in her yard. We were on the public sidewalk.

I had been warned about her but hadn't met her yet and didn't process she was who ppl were talking about until I got two houses down where one of Mischief's dog friends live.

I'm 2 busy thinking this is hilarious to be upset. The entitlement.

Like I'm legally and ethically doing everything right, I can't avoid every dog who barks when we walk by and go on a walk.

Guys I have my first neighborhood rival!

Is this what adulting feels like?!