#benjypast

[caitrionaebing]

when: Summer, 1977

where: Birmingham

who: Caitriona and @benjyxfenwick

Caitriona was nervous, an entirely unwelcome and still largely unfamiliar state of being for her. She’d put almost as much preparation into this day as she had her OWLs, except instead of revising her notes and reviewing her text books she’d been practicing converting muggle money in her head and memorizing the timetables for the train. It had been worth it, as she’d successfully purchased her ticket and boarded the appropriate train, but then she had over two hours sitting and staring out the window to worry about everything else. Her dress, which had seemed casual and youthful when she found it in a muggle shop in Galway, now felt fussy and matronly. Despite her best efforts, she kept coming back to the fear that her relationship with Benjy might not stand up to the light of day, that what worked so well in private would fall apart in public, even wrapped in the protection of anonymity. Worse still was the possibility that Caitriona’s ignorance of the muggle world would negatively affect Benjy’s opinion of her. What if he liked her best when she was capable and knowledgeable? What if he only liked her when she was confident and in control?

 The what-ifs haunted Caitriona all the way from London to Birmingham, but she refused to give into them. She was not going to cower on the train like a first year afraid to go to Hogwarts, but she did undo a few of the buttons near the bottom of her dress, which made her feel better in an odd way. It was enough for her to disembark with the rest of the passengers and it turned out that was all she needed. Almost as soon as Caitriona set foot on the platform she saw Benjy, and exactly as soon as she saw Benjy her worries were washed away in a wave of excitement. For a moment she stood very still, the instinct to pretend he didn’t mean the world to her taking over, but then she remembered that the entire point of this trip was putting aside the need for secrecy. With that Caitriona was moving, pushing through the crowd in an unladylike way that was incredibly freeing. By the time she reached Benjy she was very nearly running, with just enough momentum to jump into his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, she kissed him like it had been months since she’d seen him, instead of mere weeks.

It wasn’t until some of the other travelers began whistling and clapping that she pulled away, breathless and pink cheeked and unwilling to disentangle herself entirely. “Hi.”

[caitrionaebing]

@benjyxfenwick

“The navigation qualifier isn’t necessary.” Caitriona said loftily. She was very used to hiding her intelligence for the comfort of those around her, but that was just one of the many ways Benjy was different, special. Not only had he always seemed to realize just how smart she was, but it had never intimidated him; it made it easy, and even enjoyable, to joke about it. Benjy had none of the delicate pride that Caitriona was so used to managing, so she didn’t have to worry about making him feel inferior. It was freeing. Everything about Benjy was freeing. It made her feel things she shouldn’t, things that were too dangerous to even put into words. So instead she just smiled up at him, focusing on this moment; the feeling of his hand in hers, the warmth of the sun on her skin complementing the warmth of him at her side. “I haven’t, no. Tell me about it.” Of course, Caitriona had done what research she could to prepare for the trip, but she wanted to see the city through Benjy’s eyes, not those of a soulless encyclopedia entry.

As they approached the library, Caitriona’s steps slowed and a small frown wrinkled her brow. She gazed up at the sharp lines and harsh angles of the building before. “Why does it look like that?” She spared a glance for Benjy, looking to him for answers in a way she rarely allowed herself to do. She didn’t like to admit ignorance, it always felt too much like a show of weakness, but she trusted Benjy not to take advantage of it. She turned her attention back to the building, still frowning. “Is it supposed to be ugly?”

Inside the building, Caitriona’s skepticism turned to delight as she took it all in; the familiar dim and hush that seemed somehow magnified by the stairs leading up to the second story and beyond, and all the books on the ground floor alone. It put the Hogwarts library to shame, and downright dwarfed the most impressive of the private collections she’d seen. She stepped away from Benjy just enough to turn in a circle where she stood, and it was all she could do to keep her mouth from hanging open. She’d gone to balls in grand manor homes and attended school in a castle; she’d observed the Winter Solstice at Newgrange and visited the Longmen Grottoes. She was not someone who was easily impressed, but she was impressed by this, the function of it, if not the form. 

Benjy’s question pulled her attention back and she blinked owlishly at him for a moment before shaking her head. There wasn’t any particular section she wanted to see because she wanted to see all of it. Finally she asked, “What’s your favorite?”

caitrionaebing​:

@benjyxfenwick

Benjy Fenwick was a marvel, a treasure far rarer and more precious than anything Caitriona’s family had ever featured in their shop. There was something about him, his warmth, his humor, his way of moving through the world, that made her feel like she was someone else entirely. She felt it now. As they walked arm in arm, with her cheek pressed against his shoulder and their fingers intertwined, she was no longer an heiress, the last of her name and the daughter of not one but two impressive dynasties, she was just a girl and she was happy. She could stay here forever, she wanted to stay here forever, and that was a disconcerting thought for more than one reason. 

Caitriona stopped herself from following that line of thought, already unpleasantly familiar with where it led. “I am far too intelligent to get lost,” she sniffed in response to his concerns, ignoring the one about cold feet. It was better this way, to tease and joke and steer the conversation away from topics that might lead to a discussion of all the reasons their relationship was a bad idea, the expectations of her parents and their society. Here in the anonymity of the muggle world it was almost easy to pretend the responsibilities of the pureblood world were nothing more than a bad dream banished by the summer sun. 

It was incredible to Caitriona how well Benjy knew her, how he’d always seemed to understand her, to see her, in a way no one else did. She’d been raised by an incredibly charming man and an incredibly strategic woman; she knew how to wear a mask, had been since long before she arrived at Hogwarts. To everyone she was proud and clever, just as a Burke should be, beautiful and cold, just like the Chinese name her mother had given her. Everyone but Benjy, who proved once again how well he knew her with how he recommended they spend their day. Caitriona lit up at the idea of visiting a muggle library, but then she frowned. “Will they let us in even if we’re not students?” The Hogwarts library wasn’t open to non-students during the school year, not even Hogsmeade residents, and she doubted it changed in the summer.

.

“That’s true. I forgot I was in the presence of a navigation genius,” he teased warmly. “Have you been to Birmingham before?” He asked curiously. Benjy felt the most like himself with Caitriona by his side. As they strolled down the sidewalk, he wasn’t a Halfblood, someone the wizarding world wanted to see eradicated. He wasn’t from a working class family that he still lived with since he couldn’t afford to live on his own yet. Instead he was a teenage boy who was taking his girl out on a pleasant summer evening, showing her the beloved sights of his hometown. They had never  actuallyofficialized what their titles were, but for Benjy it was clear: Caitriona was his girl and he was loyal to her, and he expected the same in return.

“It’s for the public,” Benjy answered promptly, excited to teach her about the world he was half living in. Not just explaining it, but actually showing it to her as well. “No need to be a student, just have to be in possession of a working library card. You’ll see. My card carries some weight over there,” he joked. Soon enough they were crossing the street to enter into a vast building, climbing up concrete steps and into the hushed, immense library. Benjy smiled as he looked around at the familiar shelves, smiling even wider as his gaze landed back on Caitriona. “Any particular section you’d like to see?” He asked quietly.

[caitrionaebing]

@benjyxfenwick

Benjy Fenwick was a marvel, a treasure far rarer and more precious than anything Caitriona’s family had ever featured in their shop. There was something about him, his warmth, his humor, his way of moving through the world, that made her feel like she was someone else entirely. She felt it now. As they walked arm in arm, with her cheek pressed against his shoulder and their fingers intertwined, she was no longer an heiress, the last of her name and the daughter of not one but two impressive dynasties, she was just a girl and she was happy. She could stay here forever, she wanted to stay here forever, and that was a disconcerting thought for more than one reason. 

Caitriona stopped herself from following that line of thought, already unpleasantly familiar with where it led. “I am far too intelligent to get lost,” she sniffed in response to his concerns, ignoring the one about cold feet. It was better this way, to tease and joke and steer the conversation away from topics that might lead to a discussion of all the reasons their relationship was a bad idea, the expectations of her parents and their society. Here in the anonymity of the muggle world it was almost easy to pretend the responsibilities of the pureblood world were nothing more than a bad dream banished by the summer sun. 

It was incredible to Caitriona how well Benjy knew her, how he’d always seemed to understand her, to see her, in a way no one else did. She’d been raised by an incredibly charming man and an incredibly strategic woman; she knew how to wear a mask, had been since long before she arrived at Hogwarts. To everyone she was proud and clever, just as a Burke should be, beautiful and cold, just like the Chinese name her mother had given her. Everyone but Benjy, who proved once again how well he knew her with how he recommended they spend their day. Caitriona lit up at the idea of visiting a muggle library, but then she frowned. “Will they let us in even if we’re not students?” The Hogwarts library wasn’t open to non-students during the school year, not even Hogsmeade residents, and she doubted it changed in the summer.

caitrionaebing​:

@benjyxfenwick

Caitriona reluctantly unwrapped her legs from Benjy’s waist as he lowered her,  but she kept her arms draped over his shoulders, keeping him close. This was how it always went, she never wanted to let him go. Caitriona used to roll her eyes at the girls at school who were always clinging to their boyfriends, but now she almost understood it. Almost being the operative word; Benjy was far superior to the other boys at Hogwarts, he was worth holding onto. Caitriona played with the curls at the nape of Benjy’s neck and teased as she pouted prettily in a faux-offended expression. “I hope there wasn’t any doubt that I would.” 

Of course there were plenty of reasons for doubt. Caitriona shouldn’t be here; she knew that and Benjy probably did, too. There were very specific things that were expected of Caitriona as the daughter and heir of a Sacred 28 family and she had always excelled at meeting those expectations. She’d been sorted into Slytherin, despite the fact that the Sorting Hat wanted to put her in Ravenclaw, and she did well in her classes without doing too well. She socialized with all the right people, and she’d never given into the temptation to stray until Benjy. He was everything she wasn’t supposed to want; the son of a muggle, distinctly middle-class, far more friendly than polite. Yet exactly what she loved—no, liked, valued—about him was how different he was from the world she was from. That was why Caitriona wanted to be here, she wanted to experience Benjy’s world, and somehow she couldn’t ignore what she wanted when it came to him like she could with everything else.

Finally, Caitriona adjusted her hold on Benjy. She let go of his shoulders but only moved away enough to take his hand, linking her fingers with his, and tuck her other hand into his arm. She leaned against his shoulder and smiled up at him. “What are we doing today?” Caitriona was curious, but she wasn’t necessarily invested in the answer; she didn’t really care what they were doing as long as they were doing it together. It was always like this, when she was with Benjy the only thing that mattered was being with him. She couldn’t escape the feeling that she would do anything, go anywhere, as long as Benjy was there, too.

.

It couldn’t have been more than a few weeks since they had last seen each other, but for Benjy it had felt like an eternity. The planning and buildup that had gone into this day had been intense, but the payoff was immediate. To hold Caitriona in his arms in front of the world, even if it was just unsuspecting muggles who knew nothing about them, meant everything. It also confirmed, in that single second, what Benjy had not wanted to admit to himself for quite some time: that he was fully and unequivocally in love with Caitriona Burke. The silent admission came with a flood of emotion that he never knew could exist until then. He decided that he would cling to this day as much as he could, make every moment count, because he never knew when he would have it again.

“I dunno, I figured you might have gotten cold feet. Maybe gotten lost,” Benjy teased, grinning down at Caitriona. He reached to place a chaste kiss on the top of her head, naturally linking his arms with hers. They seemed like any other young couple out in Birmingham that day, which was exactly what made it so wonderful. No pureblood politics, no class divide, nothing of the sort. “It’s pretty warm out, bit too hot to do anything, really, so I figured we could cool down for a bit at the Library of Birmingham. I think you’ll like it. They’ve got a huge selection of everything,” Benjy rambled. With that, he lead them out of the train station and out into the bustling street. He made sure that on the sidewalk, he was closest to the street and Caitriona was on the opposite side. “How was the ride over, then?” He asked curiously.

[caitrionaebing]

@benjyxfenwick

Caitriona reluctantly unwrapped her legs from Benjy’s waist as he lowered her,  but she kept her arms draped over his shoulders, keeping him close. This was how it always went, she never wanted to let him go. Caitriona used to roll her eyes at the girls at school who were always clinging to their boyfriends, but now she almost understood it. Almost being the operative word; Benjy was far superior to the other boys at Hogwarts, he was worth holding onto. Caitriona played with the curls at the nape of Benjy’s neck and teased as she pouted prettily in a faux-offended expression. “I hope there wasn’t any doubt that I would.” 

Of course there were plenty of reasons for doubt. Caitriona shouldn’t be here; she knew that and Benjy probably did, too. There were very specific things that were expected of Caitriona as the daughter and heir of a Sacred 28 family and she had always excelled at meeting those expectations. She’d been sorted into Slytherin, despite the fact that the Sorting Hat wanted to put her in Ravenclaw, and she did well in her classes without doing too well. She socialized with all the right people, and she’d never given into the temptation to stray until Benjy. He was everything she wasn’t supposed to want; the son of a muggle, distinctly middle-class, far more friendly than polite. Yet exactly what she loved—no, liked, valued—about him was how different he was from the world she was from. That was why Caitriona wanted to be here, she wanted to experience Benjy’s world, and somehow she couldn’t ignore what she wanted when it came to him like she could with everything else.

Finally, Caitriona adjusted her hold on Benjy. She let go of his shoulders but only moved away enough to take his hand, linking her fingers with his, and tuck her other hand into his arm. She leaned against his shoulder and smiled up at him. “What are we doing today?” Caitriona was curious, but she wasn’t necessarily invested in the answer; she didn’t really care what they were doing as long as they were doing it together. It was always like this, when she was with Benjy the only thing that mattered was being with him. She couldn’t escape the feeling that she would do anything, go anywhere, as long as Benjy was there, too.

Never before had Benjy fussed this much over his own hair and clothing. His curls suddenly seemed too wild, his jeans outrageously wrinkled, his shirts criminally underdressed. A pile of discarded clothes had gathered on the young man’s bed as he tried on outfit after outfit before finally settling on dark jeans, a dark orange shirt with a brown collar, and his cleanest trainers. It would be Caitriona’s first time seeing him in full muggle attire and he wanted to leave an impression. At least that’s what he told himself he was nervous about-- not about showing her around Birmingham, or the intense feelings he had for her.

“Benjy’s going on a date!” Benjy suddenly heard his younger brother’s voice call behind him. He spun around to see his bedroom door had been cracked open and his younger siblings, Raj and Aria, had gathered there. “What’s a date?” Aria asked, tugging at Raj’s sleeve. “It mean’s he’s gonna go snog a girl-- gross!” He said, to which both siblings made a face of sour disgust.

Benjy let out a laugh and stepped out of his room, shutting the door behind him. His mother appeared, looking Benjy over curiously. “Is this true, Benjamin?” She asked seriously, moving to adjust her oldest son’s collar with an air of both care and significance. Benjy laughed nervously now, shaking his head. “I’m just meeting up with a friend, mum. Don’t make me dinner tonight, yeah? I’ll catch you later,” he said, ruffling both Raj and Aria’s heads of hair as he made his way out of the modest townhome. His siblings followed him all the way to the door, firing question after question, until he was stepping out into the warm Birmingham air.

The train station was only a twenty minute walk for Benjy. Looking around the platform, he focused on finding the right train and not on how fast his heart was beating or the nervous sweat that had gathered at his temple. A train had already arrived, and from checking his watch and the signs, he knew it had come from London. He didn’t pick out Caitriona from the crowd and worry began to creep in-- What if something had happened to her? What if she’d gotten lost? No, Caitriona was quite capable. What if she’d decided to not come at all?

One minute Benjy was standing on the crowded platform, dread overcoming him; the next he was being flung backwards and something was jumping on him. All it took was a glimpse of glossy black hair to tell him all he needed to know and for all his silly worries to melt away. The kiss made all of his nerves explode at once, a smile spreading on his face as he kissed Caitriona back perhaps harder and deeper than he ever had before. Benjy let her down to the floor slowly and carefully, out of breath even though it hadn’t been him who had run. “Glad to see you made it,” he greeted her warmly. 

[caitrionaebing]

benjyxfenwick​:

.

“It’s home,” Benjy answered her warmly. The affection towards his hometown of Birmingham was evident in his voice. He was by no means wealthy and hadn’t grown up in a glamorous part of town, but that only made him love his city even more. He knew the real parts of it, the heart and soul. “The people are friendly, aren’t stuffy, would give you the shirt off their backs if you asked. I grew up around all the Muggle kids, playing footy in the parks or alleys. You knew everyone in your neighborhood and everyone knew you,” he explained. “I really enjoyed being exposed to loads of different cultures– I was always interested in learning where people came from, their backgrounds and all.”

At Caitriona’s genuine question, a laugh erupted from him, one he quickly had to hush as they stepped into the building. He’d always had the same thought and it just reminded him of their similarities. “The city wants to be modern, whatever that means, and I suppose this is their take on it?” He guessed. They stepped into the vast library and as he caught the expression of wonder on Caitriona, his chest bloomed with happiness. He knew she would love it here. “I’m always in the history or sciences section, sometimes the novels too. Come.” Taking her hand softly yet firmly in his, he led her past the entrance and towards the left corner of the library. He waved politely at the librarian at the front desk, an older woman who Benjy chatted with over the years as he checked out his books. The lady waved back and her eyes widened brightly at the mysterious, pretty girl by Benjy’s side.

In the back of the library, Benjy immediately moved towards the shelf displaying the newest items. He perused a textbook on East Asian wildlife and biodiversity before another book on the world’s largest caves caught his eye. “I hope I get to explore these sort of places as a Cursebreaker,” he voiced to Caitriona in a slightly hushed tone.

@benjyxfenwick​

Caitriona smiled up at Benjy as he spoke, charmed by his obvious affection for Birmingham as much as the way he described the city itself. While she was fiercely proud of where she was from, she didn’t really have a hometown in the way he described it. Burke Lodge, like most pureblood estates, was intentionally out of the way; she hadn’t had any neighbors to speak of, much less ones with children she could play— “What’s footy?” She pursed her lips in a small, confused frown, but her curiosity was genuine. It was obviously some sort of Muggle game, otherwise Benjy wouldn’t have felt the need to specify that he’d played it with Muggle children. Most people in Caitriona’s world, in her parents’ world, put great stock in a person’s blood status, but Benjy never really seemed to care. In fact he rather noticeably didn’t understand why Caitriona had to pretend she did.

Caitriona huffed at Benjy’s explanation of the library’s architecture, not displeased by him in any way, but by the city’s reported reasoning. But her argument that modernity for the sake of newness was just as bad as tradition for the sake of oldness was swallowed up as they entered the library, and her displeasure with its exterior was wholly eclipsed by her awe at its interior. She followed Benjy closely, offering the librarian at the desk a shy smile and blushing at the woman’s obvious interest in the pair of them. She had to remind herself that no one knew who she was here, and while Benjy was obviously a familiar face, none of these people knew about his life in the magical world. There was no logical way gossip about a local boy from the Muggle world of Birmingham would make it to her parents’ ears. 

It was clear that Benjy knew exactly where he was going from the confident way he wove between the shelves, and Caitriona had to walk double-time to keep up with his long strides. When they stopped, she rested her cheek against Benjy’s shoulder again, choosing to look at the book he’d chosen instead of examining one for herself. “Caves? Not temples, or tombs?” Most students who wanted to become cursebreakers were interested in the tombs of Egypt’s New Kingdom. Caitriona herself privately dreamed of opening Qin Shi Huang’s mausoleum.