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sofreddie · 4 months ago

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More Than A Fan

Summary: The honeymoon phase has been bliss. When Y/N is exposed first-hand to their life, Dean worries that it will all change.

Characters: Dean Winchester/F!Reader, Sam Winchester/Eileen Leahy, Castiel, Others

Warnings: First Person POV/POV Alternating, Fluff, Angst, TW: Blood, TW: Trauma/PTSD, TW: Violence, Cockwarming, Oral Sex (Male Receiving)

WC: 12,264

A/N: Sequel to Not Our First Fan. My brain kept going on this one, and I'm really happy with how it came out. Feedback is appreciated. : )

My Masterlist

Not Our First Fan

Sam POV

I had been away for nearly a week, but the hunt with Garth only took two days. I wasn’t rushing back, knowing my brother too well, and I wasn’t looking forward to hearing him and Y/N throughout the Bunker. Maybe they’d chill when I returned if I gave them some time.

And I felt I more than owed it to both of them. I had been a thorn in their sides and an ass, I know. I had my reasons, but I was wrong. I was willing to accept that - now at peace knowing Y/N wasn’t a threat - and instead focused on backing Dean up and supporting their relationship.

As I entered the Bunker, it was quiet. After putting my bags in my room, I could hear voices, and I followed the sounds until I entered the kitchen. Y/N and Dean were cooking and chatting with wide grins on both their faces. The scene was so domestic that my heart clenched. They seemed happy, and I was left even more aware of how utterly alone I felt.

“Hey, Sam,” Dean greeted me as I entered the kitchen. I faced him from the other side of the counter, Y/N’s back to me as she worked at the stove. “How was the hunt?”

“Milk run,” I responded, knowing he’d expect more after I'd been gone so long. “I spent some time with Garth, Bess, and the kids, and then I took my time driving back.”

I shrugged and smirked as my eyes slid to Y/N and then Dean. He grinned and nodded. I hadn’t seen him this happy and excited in ages. He seemed sober, too. I was glad he was happy and relaxed.

“Food’s ready,” Y/N announced, moving several dishes to the counter. “Dig in.”

“You eating with us?” I couldn’t help but ask, afraid she might hide from me now that I was back.

“Yeah,” she scoffed, making a plate and sitting at the table. “I’m famished.”

Dean laughed and flashed a smug grin before joining Y/N with his plate. I sat last, my plate full of heaps of food.

“Didn’t you eat all week?” Y/N teased, and my last bit of tension faded as I laughed and nodded.

“Yeah. But I’m spoiled with your food now.”

Dean hummed in agreement, and we dug in like our last meal. God, her food alone had me itching to get back. I felt more nourished and satisfied in just a few bites than I had all week.

“So, any plans for today?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?” Y/N’s surprise had me pausing and glancing between them.

“Yeah, I was going to tell you over breakfast. I thought we could go shopping. You’ve been talking about getting stuff for the kitchen and bathroom. Now that Sam’s here, we can all go.”

“Really? Awesome.” She pecked his lips and blushed as she glanced at me before hurrying to eat.

“That sounds fun.”

I wasn’t sure if it would be, but I supposed we all needed to dive into life together. It would be nice to make things more homey, and anything to help her cook the excellent food she gifted us would be great.

Dean POV

I wanted to surprise Y/N with a trip to get things for the Bunker. I knew she wanted to, and we had our ‘free forever’ card. Plus, I was hungry for more of the everyday domesticity she granted me.

I hadn’t expected Sam to stay gone so long, but I was grateful he gave us time to ourselves. I was even excited for Sam to come along on our shopping excursion. Maybe he’d finally decide to do something with his room. Things were awkward when he left, but Y/N and I worked through that. But the real test came with his return. I hoped we could be a family—the three of us—at least until Sam found a girlfriend.

The ride to the store was short but pleasant. Music was playing in the background, and the windows were down. Sam was in good spirits as he talked about some nerdy thing he had checked out. Y/N was in the backseat with a soft smile as she listened to Sam’s tales.

I’d yet to have her in Baby, and seeing her in the backseat gave me all sorts of ideas. I would’ve pulled over if Sam wasn’t there, but I also knew I was struggling to keep my hands off her, and she likely needed a break after the last week.

We’d been fucking, eating, and sleeping all week long, having deep or silly conversations along the way. I found I enjoyed her company and companionship as much as I enjoyed kissing and fucking her. It wasn’t the most acrobatic or wild, but it was by far the most passionate and intimate sex of my life.

I parked at the store and quickly got out, rushing to the back to open the door for Y/N and help her out. I pinned her against the door and kissed her soundly. She giggled, and I wrapped an arm around her waist as we walked to the store. Sam walked on her other side, sandwiching her between us. I smiled at him, and he nodded in return.

Y/N POV

I had been having the best week of my life with the man I loved—a man I admired, that I looked up to, and was a hero in my eyes. He didn’t reject me or make me leave when he learned of my love. He gave me a chance, and I ran with it.

My anxiety was climbing with each passing day. I knew Sam would return, and I worried about what would happen. Would he disapprove? Would Dean return to usual and chalk it up to a fling? I hoped not and tried to stay positive. I had been on cloud nine and was sure it wouldn’t last.

When Sam returned, I was tense, but it was alleviated over breakfast. Things felt almost normal again, except for the unexpected family trip. But as we drove Baby to the store, I enjoyed the brothers being themselves and tried to think of what I needed for the kitchen and bathroom. Maybe I could even snag a few things for my bedroom—not that I’d spent much time there this past week.

Dean pulled me out of the car and kissed me deeply as we approached the store. I was worried about Sam and that we were in public, but Dean didn’t. He wanted to kiss me, so he did. That made me swoon harder than anything else.

Sam POV

I was distracted by discreetly watching Dean and Y/N. I stayed close to whatever side of her Dean wasn’t holding. It was an unspoken understanding: to protect our own. I was so happy for them but still lonely for what they had.

Luckily, I was further distracted when we entered the kitchen section, feeling overwhelmed. But Y/N lit up like a kid on Christmas, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Dean was encouraging her as she hesitated over items.

“Y/N,” I smiled at her. “Get whatever you want. Hell, get all the things.”

I wanted to help, too, to connect with her like a friend and a sister. And if it meant more food…

“See?” Dean pecked her lips.

Then she was off, mostly talking to herself as she threw items into the cart. I snuck away to get another cart as we went to the bathroom section. Seeing what she was getting and why excited me. She was going to make the Bunker a home.

She wasn’t anything like Becky or any of the women Dean had been with. I liked her more than Lisa, even, which was saying something.

Dean POV

Seeing Y/N give in and shop freely made me happy and satisfied that I could do this for her, even if it was a scam card. But I had an ulterior motive when I planned this trip. I hoped to get her to pick out bedding for ‘our’ bed. I wanted her to move into my room. But with Sam here, I was extra nervous. I knew whatever I did—smooth or not—that he’d tease me.

“Hey, Sam?” I paused in the aisle. “Would you grab another cart?”

“Sure.”

I was glad he didn’t pry, but I took the chance to guide her to the bedding area. I knew Sam would be back soon.

“Y/N?” I stopped and turned to her. She smiled sweetly, and I swallowed my nerves. “I was thinking, you know, that maybe we could pick out some stuff for my bed and room, and you could move in there? With me?”

Man, I was nervous as fuck, rubbing the back of my neck and shuffling my feet as I stuttered over my words. It wasn’t like I was asking her to marry me, but it was a big step and another way to show her how I felt.

“I would love to if you’re sure?”

“Yeah, I’m definitely sure,” I took her in my arms and kissed her, making her giggle. “Don’t wanna sleep without you.”

“Sap,” she teased, and I laughed as Sam returned with another cart.

“I guess I could get some stuff for my room,” Sam shrugged as he studied different items.

Y/N and I reviewed it, picking out different things for our room. It felt like a total chick-flick day, but I was high on it. I couldn’t wait to get her home, make up the bed with the soft and fluffy bedding, and then make love to her all night.

My hopes were dashed as we squeezed everything in Baby, though there was barely enough room in the back for Y/N, and the trunk barely closed. Intent on heading home to see through my plan, Sam spoke up and delayed my efforts.

“Why don’t we hit the diner before heading home?”

“Oh! Yeah,” Y/N agreed. “I’m hungry.”

Well, I couldn’t deny them. My brother and my girl. My family. I was parked in the diner lot in a flash, my stomach grumbling, making Sam laugh.

Sam dashed out of the car toward the diner, Y/N hot on his heels before I could catch up. He picked a booth and slid in next to Y/N, leaving me to sit on the opposite side of the table from them. Sam laughed as he saw the confusion and annoyance on my face.

“Nuh-uh,” he teased. “You sit next to her, and it’ll be nothing but wandering hands and kissing. I wanna eat, not puke.”

Y/N’s giggle surprised me, and I resigned myself to sitting alone and cursing Sam. The waitress took our orders, and Sam’s eye caught something in the diner. His eyes widened, his cheeks flushed, and I had to search out whatever made him react that way.

“Hi, Guys.”

I grinned at the sight of Eileen, a fellow hunter we’d worked with that Sam had a serious crush on. If she was in town, there must have been a hunt nearby.

“Eileen, hey. Join us?”

She slid into the booth beside me and across from Sam. I couldn’t help but flash him a smug grin. If I couldn't sit next to my girl, he couldn’t sit next to his crush. After brief introductions between Y/N and Eileen, we dug into our food.

I invited Eileen back to the Bunker, and she readily accepted. It had been a while since Sam and I had seen her. I knew Sam was smitten with her, and I had encouraged him to pursue her for a while. Her arrival at the diner seemed a perfect opportunity to finally get him to make a move.

But the best part was I’d get to spend more time with Y/N. And I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about Sam being a third-wheel. Or Y/N, for that matter. With Sam occupied, I’d have a little more time before I had to face that possibly awkward reality.

Eileen had her vehicle, and Sam said he’d ride back with her. I tried to contain my excitement, knowing Y/N would be beside me again.

As Sam walked away, I turned to Y/N with a grin, taking her hand and leading her to the car. I opened the passenger’s door and closed it behind her, jogging around the back to the driver’s side and quickly climbing in. Eileen honked as they drove away, and I waved them off.

“Ready to head home?” I asked Y/N with a lewd grin, conveying my thoughts as I started the car.

“Don’t we have to get everything inside and set up?”

I shrugged, but the items were not my priority at that moment. “I figured we’d go home, maybe have a nice shower, and then I could take you to bed.”

I ran my hand along her thigh and squeezed as I stole a kiss. Her soft moan made me want to take her right there. But I knew she had a point. If we got all of this in and set up, the shower and bed would be even better. And I could tease the hell out of her, winding her up. Damn, just the thought was starting to make me hard.

I leaned in to steal another kiss, but as I pulled back, she chased me, her hands running through the hair at the back of my head and pulling me back into her as she devoured my mouth. Fuck, it was so hot to know she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

I bit at her lower lip, slipping my tongue inside her mouth. I was ready to take her right then and there. Just a quickie in the front seat to satiate the burning need until we could get home and I could give her more and more and more.

A knock at my window made her jump and had me groaning at the interruption. I turned my head to see a cop standing there with his bright-ass flashlight shining right into the window unnecessarily - it wasn’t even dark enough for the damn thing. I rolled down the window and gave my best smile, though I was thoroughly irritated.

“Evening Officer.”

He shined the light over me and then Y/N before looking back at me, “License and registration, please.”

I should have known making out in the parking lot of a busy diner would have gotten us caught, but I didn’t think about it or care. I was too focused on everything Y/N. I handed over the requested items, squeezing Y/N’s thigh to reassure her as the cop looked over everything.

“Can you step out of the car, Sir?”

That made me pause, but I wanted to finish this and get home. I stepped out of the car and closed the door behind me, walking toward the back of Baby with the cop.

“You know, it’s a crime to have a fake ID, Dean,” the cop said, his eyes flashing black. My heart sank, and I instantly went into fight mode.

Y/N POV

My eyes were glued to Dean as he followed the cop to the back of the car. Something didn’t feel right, something more than just odd protocol. When Dean began fighting with the cop, I knew something was wrong. I didn’t know what to do. I knew the smart thing was to let him handle it. I was way out of my depth here. But I couldn’t just sit by.

What if this was the random thing that killed him?

Before I could decide to move, the passenger door opened, and I was roughly yanked out the door from behind. I was too distracted watching Dean to notice there was someone else. I screamed for Dean, and I heard him shout my name back to me, but I was too focused on my attacker.

I twisted and bit and clawed and stomped until I was released and turned to face a set of black eyes occupying the body of a second officer. I knew how to fight, but a demon was another ballgame. He lunged for me, and I pushed him back, getting myself some distance and running for Dean's safety.

As I got to the back of the car, I saw Dean had downed his opponent. But I was stopped short by the other demon grabbing my hair from behind and yanking me back. Dean ran towards us, but the demon hit him hard, sending him back and to the ground.

Dean called to me, getting my attention and catching my eye before he tossed the angel blade towards me. I managed to grab it, surprising both Dean and myself. I ripped myself from the demon’s hold, which hurt like hell when my hair ripped out and turned to face him. My surprise was replaced by anger as the demon hit me hard. I recovered enough to lunge forward with all my strength and anger, feeling the blade sink into flesh.

We both froze, seconds drawn out as I looked from the blade in my hand to his eyes, noting he seemed as shocked as I felt. His body flashed with orange light, and I gasped, my body trembling as the demon shook, the tremors transferred through our connection of the blade. The light went out, and he fell to the ground, the blood-soaked weapon still in my shaking hand.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the bloody and lifeless body at my feet. I felt something touch my hand and turned to see Dean gently trying to ease the blade that was dangling from my fingers. That’s when I noticed my hand was covered in blood. I felt frozen, numb, and in a daze as I locked onto the crimson liquid that trailed and dripped from my trembling hand.

I felt Dean wipe down my hand and help me into the car, but I couldn’t focus on anything. In the back of my mind, I knew I was experiencing some kind of shock, but I couldn’t shake myself from it. Dean was talking, but I couldn’t hear him. I was still shaking, and I knew that was most likely my adrenaline running high.

I hoped it would stop soon because the shaking made it harder to control my thoughts. When the car's light changed, I was broken from my trance long enough to see that we were entering the long tunnel into the Bunker’s garage, which seemed foreboding.

I could feel it coming that I would break down soon. Cry or scream or just melt into a puddle of some sort. I probably had injuries I wasn’t even aware of. I just needed to get to the bathroom for a shower, and then I could take stock. I was out of the vehicle when Dean threw the car in park.

“Gonna hit the showers,” I mumbled as I rushed off to the bathroom, not wanting him to see me break down, to witness me so weak.

I went straight to my room, gathered a change of clothes and towel, and marched to the bathroom. I knew the adrenaline was wearing off, and I’d crumble. It was imminent. I’d rather be clean and safe in my room behind closed doors before that happened.

I moved quickly, removing my shoes and pants before working on my shirt. I had to pause, suddenly aware of aches and possible injuries that I was too afraid to examine. I struggled again and again, trying to remove my shirt, and cried out at the pain.

“Y/N?” Dean’s voice reached my ears through the bathroom door. I leaned against the sink with a groan, giving up on my attempt to remove my shirt, standing there in only that and my panties and feeling like a failure for not even being able to undress myself. “You okay?”

I saw Dean enter the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind him. His worried eyes rapidly examined me from head to toe.

“I can’t get my shirt off,” my voice wavered and whined more than I intended, my emotions starting to break through. “I…I think I’m hurt.”

“Let me see.”

Dean’s deep voice was gentle and soothing as he approached me, his hands held out. I nodded, which seemed to give him the permission he sought.

Dean POV

I watched as Y/N practically ran from the car into the Bunker. I hated that this had happened and that she was forced to defend herself. I knew she’d never faced something like this or had never had to kill anything before. A kill was never easy, especially the first one. I knew how that stayed with you and what she was likely going through.

I called Sam and told him what had happened. Luckily, he was at the Bunker with Eileen and said they’d handle it and call Cas for assistance. I wanted to go and clean up with him, but he insisted that Y/N would need me. I knew he was right, but didn’t want to turn my back on the job. There was clean-up, and I wanted to know how they found us and what they wanted.

This happened in the middle of our hometown and involved the police. If we couldn’t fix this, we’d likely have to go deep into hiding. But with Cas and Sam on the job, I knew they could handle things and would call if something went wrong.

With that situation addressed, at least for now, I knew I had to find Y/N. I could tell she was in shock, and I worried about her being alone right now. I eventually found her in the bathroom, her cries of pain alerting me to her location. I paused in front of the door, hearing her struggling inside.

“Y/N? You okay?”

I slowly opened the door, peeking inside and seeing her leaning against the sink. I closed the door behind me and walked towards her, scanning her body for any visible injuries.

“I can’t get my shirt off,” she complained, a tinge of pain in her voice. “I…I think I’m hurt.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. I wanted to rush to her but knew she would be jumpy after the ordeal. So, I strolled towards her with my hands out, like I’d do with a victim on a case.

“Let me see.”

She nodded, and I felt relieved. I helped her remove her shirt, careful of any injuries she might have. As she stood before me in just her underwear, I put aside any inappropriate thoughts, focusing on the task at hand. She didn’t need me to be horny and wanting, she needed me to take care of her, and I was determined to do so. Whatever she needed. I knew this was my fault and could never make it up to her. Looking over her body, I didn’t see any cuts, but she was definitely bruised and possibly had broken ribs.

“Might be broken,” I said, gently prodding her side.

Castiel appeared before I could speak further, making Y/N jump and hide in my arms. I growled at the sudden and alarming situation and the pain it probably caused her.

“Sam called me,” Cas explained in a gentle tone, noting the distress of the situation.

Reaching out a hand, he laid it on Y/N’s head, alleviating all of her injuries - the physical ones, at least. She took a deep breath and relaxed in my arms, and I could tell the pain was gone.

“I’m sorry for what happened,” Castiel spoke. “You were lucky you had each other, or it might have been worse.”

Cas disappeared before I could thank him. I was grateful Sam had gotten a hold of him and that the angel had healed my girl. I couldn’t bear to see her in pain.

She met my eyes, and for long moments, we stood, just gazing at each other. She tried to force a smile but only mustered a grimace, the dam holding back her emotional tide ready to burst. I knew the look, I knew the signs, I knew exactly what she was going through and how hard she was about to crash. All I could do was be there.

“I-I should s-shower,” she uttered suddenly, scuttling around me to head into one stall and turn on the water.

Y/N POV

I felt embarrassed, worthless, and weak. I couldn’t bear to look at Dean anymore, too afraid to see pity. It scared the hell out of me when Castiel suddenly appeared. I hated that I was so jumpy and naked and felt exposed in every way possible. I forced myself to leave Dean’s comforting hold, not feeling worthy of it.

Assuming he’d leave, I focused on the shower. Removing my panties, I went under the spray, focusing on the warm water's soothing feel; however, when I closed my eyes, flashes of the fight came straight to my mind, the blood coating my hand from the kill - my kill.

I had killed someone.

I tried to breathe deeply, but it only came in stutters. Balancing with one hand against the wall, I internally begged for my emotional walls to hold tight for just a bit longer.

Angry and unable to control my feelings, I grabbed my sponge harshly, lathering it up and roughly scrubbing my body. The images kept flashing through my mind, making me scrub harder and faster—as if I could wash them away before they manifested. But my mind focused on the memories. My hands switched to harshly scrubbing one arm and hand, then the other, the blood in my mind never washing away.

I couldn’t get clean.

The sobs broke forth then of their own volition, the dam collapsing as the adrenaline wore off. I dropped the sponge, my hands flying to cover my face as I began to sob hard. My knees weakened and wobbled, and I knew I would collapse, unable to hold myself up any longer. But the harsh smack of the tiles against my kneecaps never came.

Instead, warm and strong arms wrapped around me from behind, catching me as I fell and gently lowering me to the ground. I knew it was Dean, and the comfort of his arms made me feel like it was okay to fall to pieces. His arms stayed tightly wrapped around me as I sobbed with all I had, the spray of the shower raining down on my head and shoulders, washing away the snot and tears.

I didn’t know how long had passed before I finally calmed down, the water feeling lukewarm at best. It was then I became fully aware of the arms still securely wrapped around my midsection, holding me safe and keeping me warm while I fell apart.

I sat up, Dean behind me, and held me close in his lap. I only just noticed he was naked, too. I turned my head, looking over my shoulder, and found kind, warm green eyes shining at me with concern. Without a word, I stood, and he was there, ensuring my legs stayed under me. He turned me to face him and wiped the tears from my face.

Worn out, exhausted, and defeated, I let Dean silently bathe us both. He was quick and efficient, and I appreciated his attention to my hands, nails, and cuticles. I wanted to thank him, tell him I loved him, or say anything, but I couldn’t speak. I didn’t have the will or fight to do anything more than just be.

When he finished, he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around me before guiding me to sit on one of the locker-room-style benches off the side. A moment later, he had a towel secured around his waist and silently sat next to me. I knew he was worried about me, and I needed to say something. But my mind was stuck in a loop.

Dean POV

“I killed someone,” she stated as she stared off at the far wall, her soft voice much louder in the tiled bathroom. She turned to look at me, the tears gathering in her eyes again, one single tear escaping and finding a path down her cheek and jaw. “...I-I killed someone.”

I didn’t know what to say. Instead, I wrapped my arms around her for comfort as she sobbed into my shoulder. I knew the feeling of having death and blood on your hands, feeling like it never goes away. I didn’t want that for her, but it had happened, and now we had to deal with the consequences.

I wondered if this up-close glimpse into my life would make her change her mind and decide I wasn’t worth it. I wouldn’t blame her. If anything, I’d help her get as far away from me as possible. Especially if it meant she didn’t have to feel like this and didn't have to face the darkness of my world.

I helped her dress in the comfortable clothes she had brought to the bathroom. I hadn’t prepared, so I just held the towel around my waist with one hand as I guided her to our room with the other. She didn’t say a word as we entered the room. Instead, she moved to get comfortable in bed while I dressed in some boxers and a T-shirt. I was eager to get her into bed earlier, but this was farthest from what I had imagined.

I reflected on Cas’s parting words: “You were lucky you had each other, or it might have been worse.”

Luckily, I was there to defend her. But damn unlucky for her to even know me and be put in situations like this. No matter how hard I tried, I knew I couldn’t protect her from everything. But it didn’t keep me from feeling like shit about it.

I climbed on the bed behind her as she lay on her side, wrapping my arms around her and holding her close like I did in the shower. Her breath stuttered, but she soon settled. I was more than okay with just giving her the comfort she needed. I couldn’t sleep, so I nuzzled into her and mildly rested while watching her fitful slumber.

Sam POV

When we got to the diner, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to mess with Dean. When I sat beside Y/N, Dean’s look of dismay was more than worth it. I didn’t want to watch them make out the whole time, but it was more about the chance to tease my big brother.

However, when I spotted Eileen in the diner, that all changed. I hadn’t seen her in a while, but I loved spending time with her. Dean had been on me for a long time about ‘manning up’ and asking her out. But I knew relationships and hunting didn’t go well together.

We talked all the time, we hadn’t seen each other in a while. She was just as beautiful as the last time I saw her, if not more so. Seeing her now, in a Lebanon diner of all places, seemed like fate intervening - and I couldn’t be mad about it.

Eileen caught my eye and smiled, and I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I shifted in my seat as if that could calm them down. Dean quickly caught on, and the shit-eating grin on his face told me I was in for teasing.

I was grateful Dean invited her to sit with us - even if I was now lamenting that she was sitting next to him and not me - and even more thankful when he invited her back to the Bunker. I wasn’t confident I would’ve been able to ask her without stumbling over my words and acting completely awkward.

When Dean and Y/N went to the Impala and Eileen started toward her truck, I asked Eileen if I could ride with her, and she happily agreed. I used the excuse of the Impala being stuffed with shopping bags, but I just wanted a moment alone with her. When we got to the Bunker, I knew we’d all probably hang out, which was fine. I tried to use this ride - however short it may be - for a refreshing moment alone with her and away from my brother and Y/N.

Catching up on the ride, I learned Eileen had just finished a hunt nearby. It was too close for comfort, and I was worried that I hadn’t heard anything about it. I’d been a little preoccupied with my downtime interrogating our new housemate.

“So, who’s the new girl?” Eileen asked with a smile.

I laughed, “Y/N. She’s Dean’s…well, I guess she’s his girlfriend.”

No one had put a label on anything, and it was fresh between them, but with the declarations and Dean moving her into his room, it was something serious and committed. I hoped it was, anyway. Despite my initial protests and disbelief, I really wanted that for Dean. As I glanced at Eileen in the driver’s seat, whisps of her hair blowing from the partially open window, I knew I wanted that, too.

“So Playboy Dean Winchester has a ball and chain.”

That was a really odd thing for her to say and very unlike the way Eileen usually spoke.

“It’s just ‘cause he won’t let himself have it or believes he doesn’t deserve it,” I said, a little ashamed because I had made the very same assumptions.

As she parked in front of the Bunker and turned off the engine, I was met with a gentle smile.

“It’s good,” Eileen insisted. “More leverage.”

Before I could question it, her eyes flashed black, and she lunged at me in the front bench of her truck, pressing me back into the passenger’s door. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I had to subdue her and exorcise the demon. It was hard to maneuver in the confines of the truck cab, but I managed to push her against the driver’s door, pull the handle, and send her toppling backward out of the truck and onto the ground.

I hopped out of the truck and wrestled with the demon, pining them as I quickly recited the fifty words of Latin from memory. She fought, struggled, and threatened, but in the end, the demon was expelled, the black smoke leaving her body.

“Sam?” Eileen asked as she came to me, and I was relieved.

“You’re okay,” I reassured her, signing as I spoke. I had been learning since I met her, often practicing with her on video chat.

I led Eileen inside, leaving her in the map room as I fetched a few beers. I heard the echo of the Impala pulling into the Bunker’s garage, and I wondered what had taken Dean so long to get here. I handed her a beer, digging my phone from my pocket to call Dean and tell him what happened.

The phone rang before I could call. When I saw Dean’s name on the caller ID, my hunter instincts kicked into overdrive.

“Dean?”

I listened as my brother told me of the encounter he and Y/N had just had. I was pissed; whoever they were had to have been watching us, waiting until we were separated.

“No, let me handle it,” I told Dean as he went on a tirade. “Yeah, I’ll call Cas. Y/N needs you right now.”

After ending the call, I let out a long breath, staring at the phone in my hands as I contemplated what had transpired.

“Sam?”

Eileen’s curious voice drew my attention. I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but she could see right through it. Her ability to read and understand me so easily was one of the things I enjoyed about her.

“Dean and Y/N were attacked right after we left,” I explained. “They’re banged up but fine. Two dead cops were possessed, and there were a bunch of witnesses. It was late in the day in the middle of town.”

“The hunt I was on was demons,” Eileen explained, her hands rushing to sign as she explained. “I thought they were all gone, but when I left, one of them caught up to me. I didn’t even know I was possessed.”

I shook my head, hating that these things happened to us and those around us. Suddenly, Eileen wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tight, and I returned the embrace, needing it more than I realized.

“It’s not your fault,” I insisted, reassuring her.

“I’ll help,” she offered, signing with her hands as she spoke. She knew there’d be no stopping me from taking action, even if it was her hunt. “Whatever you need, I got your back.”

I was so grateful she was there and offering her help. I’d need it, but I’d want her with me regardless. It sucked that I suddenly had to work, but at least I still got time with Eileen—the silver lining on an otherwise dark cloud.

“Alright. Let me call Cas, and I should probably change into Fed gear. We’ll have to figure out how to clean this up.”

I tried my best to focus on the job at hand but struggled. My mind kept drifting over what happened, what could have happened. The bodies were gone by the time we got there, police tape and ambulances in the lot we had just left not that long ago.

It took some time and charm, but I got the security footage, Eileen identified the witnesses, and Castiel discreetly erased their memories of the incident. While this took care of the immediate issue, we still had to deal with other people possibly recognizing us in town and from the diner, and we still had to find out why these demons attacked.

When we returned, Castiel promised to investigate the incident further and left. I could tell Eileen was deeply upset—not just about being possessed but also about possibly being a pawn who led the others to us. It wasn’t her fault, but Hunters tended to blame themselves for everything. I was frustrated that our lives always had to be so messed up.

I offered her a drink, but she declined, retreating to the guest room she used when she visited. I had to remind myself that she’d just come off a hunt, been possessed, and then helped to clean up in town; she had to be exhausted.

I poured myself a half-full glass of whiskey as I sat in the library. Demons interrupting and messing with our lives wasn’t anything new to us. But Eileen had been targeted, and Y/N had to fight. It wasn’t just Dean and me under attack anymore.

Too lost in thought, I didn’t notice when Dean sat with me, a crystal glass in hand and the decanter on the table within reach—yeah, it looked like it’d be one of those nights.

“How’s Y/N?”

Dean POV

It took Y/N a while to get to sleep. Once she was, I felt it was okay to slip away. I didn’t want to leave her, but I desperately needed a drink. Or a whole bottle.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been helping Y/N, but I was surprised to see my brother at the table in the library, drinking under a lone desk lamp. He didn’t seem to notice me until I sat down and poured a heavy drink.

“How’s Y/N?”

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, “In shock, I think. But asleep, for now.”

Sam nodded and finished off his drink before pouring another. I fetched a second bottle; it looked like we were gonna need it.

“Eileen was possessed on a demon hunt.”

“So she and those others showed up at the same time -”

“Eileen - the demon that was in her - was asking about Y/N; called her ‘leverage.’”

Fuck. Fuck!

This was precisely what I was afraid of happening. Of Y/N being targeted because of me and my damned life. I wouldn’t be surprised if she changed her mind and ran for the hills. Hell, I’d help her pack.

Sam explained to me what the three of them did to try and clean up the mess in our backyard. Were we gonna have to lay low in the Bunker until the heat died down? Just another reason for Y/N to hate me. I was ruining her life.

“I think maybe I can make some charms that might help. We’d still look like us but be unrecognizable.”

It wasn’t a bad idea. I was familiar with the type of magic and charm he was talking about. It might not be necessary and would hopefully only be needed for a short while, but it would be good to have, just in case.

Especially considering that whoever was behind this became my public enemy, numero uno.

“I’ll help with research, reading, and getting ingredients. Whatever you need.”

Sam took a deep, huffy breath, and I knew he was about to say something I wouldn’t like.

“You should take some time off to focus on Y/N. Me, Cas, and Eileen…we can handle this.”

“Our lives don’t allow for time off, Sam!”

I was right; I didn’t like it at all. How could he expect me to sit on the sidelines when something threatened us? Threatened her?

“If you don’t want to stay, then we should bring her with us. You, me, her, and Eileen. We’d be safer in numbers.”

I didn’t know what to do. The hunter in me wanted to hunt, to track down these bastards and put them in their place. But the broken man in me - who already cared more deeply for Y/N than I was willing to admit - wanted to both push her away and pull her close to shield her from it all.

Y/N POV

I had successfully defended myself against a stronger opponent in a surprise attack. That was good.

I had - in a me or them situation - been the victor. I was alive, and they were dead, and I escaped with relatively minor injuries, which Castiel had healed. All of that was good.

I had helped Dean and removed one more demon from the world. That was good.

So why did I feel so bad?

When I woke, I was hit with waves of darkness and depression as I recalled every detail. My body felt heavy and numb as it settled over me. I had killed someone, taken a life, and it stained my mind and my hands.

It took me two days to get out of bed for more than the bathroom. Dean had insisted that I eat and shower. He was a worried mother hen, and I’d be annoyed if I could muster it. Instead, I shuffled on autopilot and trusted Dean to guide me.

The dark thoughts in my mind told me he just desperately wanted me out of his bed, locked away in my old room to mope in solitude. But I could see in his eyes, hear in his tone, and feel in his touch how much he cared. It made me wish I was okay, if only not to hurt him anymore.

I thought that forcing myself back into my domestic routine would help me get through this and move past it. After breakfast, I decided the dishes would be a good place to start, so I gathered the items from the table.

“You don’t have to,” Dean reached for me but pulled back when I shook my head.

“You cooked. I got it.” I tried to give him a small smile, and he let me continue my mission.

Dean POV

I was glad to see her out of bed and out of the room. She seemed so fragile since the incident. She’d been having nightmares, but I didn’t know if she wanted to talk about it. I didn’t like talking about mine.

I was relieved when she joined me for breakfast and surprised when she ate a decent amount. But then she tried to clean up.

“You don’t have to.”

I wanted to touch her, reassure her, and let her know I didn’t expect anything from her. But she pulled out of reach, and I tried not to pout.

“You cooked. I got it.”

I relented but kept an eye on her while she worked. While I was glad she seemed better, I knew she could return to bed or break down. She knew better than me what she needed - at least, I hoped she did - so I would just make myself available to catch her if she stumbled.

Y/N seemed fine as she washed the dishes, head bowed and shoulders hunched. She wasn’t the bright, jovial person I was familiar with. Just a couple of days ago, we were practically honeymooning it, and now -

I heard the clatter of a dish breaking, followed by a hiss as Y/N’s whole body jumped and then tensed. I was up from my seat in a flash and at her side a split second later. There was a broken plate in the sink. She cradled her hand, which had a large and deep gash across the palm. Rivulets of blood dripped into the sink, mixing with the water and soap to swirl down the drain.

I grabbed a dish towel and tended to her hand, rinsing it quickly and turning off the water. It was deep, and I had to wrap the towel around her hand to stem the bleeding until I could call Cas or give her stitches. She had that same haunted shock from the incident.

Y/N POV

All I could see was red, my hands covered in blood again, my mind replaying the moment the angel blade sunk into flesh. I was in the memory and in the kitchen. I understood my hand was injured, but I couldn’t feel it.

“Y/N!”

I frowned when I realized Dean was shouting at me. His eyes were panicked. I wanted to be upset that he was yelling, but I knew he must be worried.

“Why are you yelling?”

“Baby,” he cupped my cheek, holding my gaze. “I said your name a bunch of times. You were somewhere else.”

“Oh.”

“I’m calling Cas.”

“What? No! Dean, you can’t call an angel whenever I get hurt.”

“Watch me,” Dean growled, and a moment later, Castiel appeared.

He didn’t need to be told, seeing my bleeding wound, the dish towel soaked in blood. He carefully removed the cloth and healed the gash, only a smear of blood left on my hand.

“Thank you, Cas,” Dean said, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

I was still reeling over the blood, the killing. I was embarrassed that I was so weak, fragile, and afraid. I was ashamed that I’d hurt myself - even if it was an accident - and that Dean was so worried - again - that he called Cas - again.

I couldn’t look at either of them and turned to the sink to wash my hands. I scrubbed and scrubbed, but the blood seemed to smear and spread. I couldn’t get clean. I kept scrubbing until I felt cold and sore; still, the blood remained.

The tears burst forth on their own, and the sobs wracked my body so hard I couldn’t see my hands anymore. Only the red that seemed to stain everything.

I felt Dean move, then take my hands to lead them under the water. I only knew it was him when I saw the bright green of his eyes breaking through the tinge of crimson, like sunlight piercing through thick, dark clouds.

He gently and slowly cleaned my hands. He rubbed a cloth over the lines and creases and even focused on my nails and cuticles with careful precision and care. After drying my hands, I looked at them, and they were clean. When I looked back at Dean, all the red was gone, and I could see him clearly.

He looked exhausted and pained. There was light stubble on his jaw and dark circles around his eyes. My heart broke knowing it was my fault. Somehow, he was still incredibly beautiful despite his obvious suffering.

Dean had attentively cleaned invisible stains from my hands and was ready to punch and kill the ghosts and nightmares that haunted me. And now, he stood so quiet and patient, letting me inspect him.

I felt like I might cry, but instead, I cupped his cheek—the stubble pleasantly scratched against my palm—and kissed him with all my love and appreciation. He whimpered and then returned the sentiment, moving his lips with mine as his arms held me close.

I knew Dean cared, that he felt for me. But now I knew how deeply, and I hoped this wasn’t our last kiss. I hoped he wouldn’t do as I feared and send me away.

Dean POV

Once Cas had healed her, he left, and I was grateful because when she started washing her hands—so rough and abrupt—I knew she was about to fall to pieces. I had been there more times than I wanted to think about. My own hands were stained a deep red from the rivers of blood I’d spilled. So I did for her what I was always too proud to ask for.

I washed her hands for her. The actual blood that was present washed away quickly and easily. But the real blood wasn’t what she saw. I remembered how my hands looked in my mind and proceeded to cleanse. Once satisfied with her hands, I scraped out her nails and cuticles twice for good measure. With a final rinse, I massaged her hands under the water to give that feeling of a deep clean with elbow grease.

By the time I carefully dried her hands, her body was more relaxed, her tears stopped, and her breathing started to even out. She silently searched me, her gaze almost a featherlight touch. I didn’t know what she was looking for, but I left myself open for her to find it. Normally, I’d hide away, locking my thoughts and feelings so tightly that not even Sam knew.

But honesty was the cornerstone of our relationship. It started everything and carried us this far. It didn’t seem like the time to suddenly stop.

When she kissed me, I was surprised. It was so gentle and tender my heart skipped a beat, and I whimpered, but she didn’t seem to mind. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close, almost like I could shelter her in my ribcage like a vital organ. That’s how this, and she, felt.

I knew then I was a selfish bastard because I didn’t have the strength to be apart from her - to push her away or let her leave - because I was starved for everything she gave me, and she was slowly healing the cracks in my soul.

“Do you want to go back to bed?” I asked, seeing how tired she looked.

She nodded, and I led her by the hand to our room. I released her in the open doorway, remembering I wanted to change the sheets and put the new ones on.

“What are you doing?”

“Just wanna change the sheets,” I answered as I focused on my task. But her following words made me stop and look at her.

“I can go to my room if you want.”

She looked so defeated, so I rushed to her, holding her in my arms. “I don’t want that. I want us together, okay?”

She nodded, and I kissed her forehead before returning to the sheets. She came around the other side and started helping. As we finished laying the comforter on top, I knew I had a giant smile on my face.

“What are you grinning about?”

I shrugged, “Just the first time we made our bed, together, with our sheets.”

She smiled and chuckled lightly, and I felt like a kid who’d just discovered Christmas.

“Let me get us some clean PJs,” I offered, turning to the dresser. I was eager to take care of her and show her I could and wanted to - especially after her comment about her old room.

“Could -”

I stopped what I was doing and gave her my full attention, waiting for her to continue. When she didn’t, I walked over to her and rubbed her arms. When she finally spoke, she didn’t look at me.

“Could we maybe sleep naked? I just want to feel closer to you.”

“Of course,” I answered because, of course. I tucked my fingers under her chin and pulled her lips to mine. I didn’t want her ever to be afraid to ask me for anything.

She ran her hands under my shirt, pushing it up, and I pulled from her lips to yank the shirt over my head and toss it aside. Then I removed hers, and we continued until we were naked and kissing in a gentle embrace. Despite her breasts pressed against my chest, her ass in my hands, or my cock pinned between us, it wasn’t sexual but intimate in a way that was new to me.

We settled in bed under the sheets - which were of a higher quality and felt incredible against my bare and heated skin - facing each other, and I pulled her as close as I could. She kept squirming, and I knew she wasn’t entirely comfortable.

“What’s wrong?” I asked into her hair as she nuzzled into my neck.

“Nothing, I’m being ridiculous.”

“Don’t make me get the serum,” I joked, and she lightly slapped my chest.

“I just…I don’t feel close enough.”

“What do you need?”

“I - I want you inside of me. Not for, you know, just -”

“I got you.”

I lifted her thigh over my hip, opening her to me. I ran my fingers over her core, just to make sure she could take me comfortably. Shifting my hips, I slid deep within her. She gasped, then relaxed, almost melted into me.

I was prepared to give her anything she needed. But I hadn’t realized how much I needed this, too. I wrapped myself around her and kissed gently along her shoulder. Whatever this was, it was beyond intimate - something I didn’t have a name for yet - and it was something I’d never felt before. But it was incredible and perfect, too much and not enough at once.

I tried not to think about being bare inside her unprotected pussy, though it made my cock twitch. I took deep breaths until I calmed down. This wasn’t about sex - and certainly wasn’t about breeding - and we’d had so much sex recently, though that was protected every time.

This was about closeness, connection, and sheltering in one another—everything I never knew I needed.

Y/N POV

When I woke, I felt surrounded by warmth, comfort, and peace, which washed over me and soothed me more than I’d felt in years. I didn’t have nightmares, either. I opened my eyes and smiled, realizing why I felt so good.

Dean was asleep and looked peaceful, the dark circles and shadows gone from his features. Although he was handsome - he always was, even injured, angry, or covered in blood - it wasn’t what caught me the most. This incredible man I loved held me together as I fell apart. He wasn’t turning from me because I was weak. He was doing whatever he could to give me his strength. To keep me whole.

In the back of my mind, I knew I’d still be plagued with trauma, but at that moment, I felt peace. And I desperately wanted to show my gratitude to the one who made it possible.

He had slipped from my folds as we slept, though we still held close to one another. I kissed down his chest and stomach. As I reached his hips, he shifted to his back but remained asleep. Disappearing beneath the sheets, I focused on his cock, thick and hard, as I kissed and licked along his shaft, tasting a little of my flavor mixed with his.

I licked his slit, and his cock twitched, and I knew he was awake. A moment later, the sheet was lifted and tossed aside to reveal me. The static from the sheet had my hair going crazy, but Dean didn’t seem to care as his sleepy eyes met mine.

I took him in my mouth until I hit the base, my nose pressed into his hair as he twitched in the back of my throat. It didn’t take long to have him coming hard and hot down my throat.

I kissed my way up his body, and he impatiently pulled me up to capture my lips and kiss me breathlessly.

“Good morning,” I grinned at him.

Dean POV

I was deep in a dream of Y/N sucking my dick, and it felt so real it woke me up. My cock twitched as I noticed the lump in the sheet, and a warm, wet tongue ran along my shaft. I flung the sheet back, and there she was, hair wild and lips stretched as she took me deep. It was better than the dream I had left behind.

More than a week ago, I had a dream of eating her out and then woke up to just that. Here again, another dream, another reality. It made me wonder how many of my dreams would no longer reside in only my mind because of her.

She knew just what to do to have me coming quickly. I would have been embarrassed if I could have thought, but my head was spinning, and I needed a second to recover.

As she kissed up my body, I felt cared for and worshipped. I could’ve cried. Instead, I pulled her lips to mine and kissed her deeply, thankful for the wake-up and her in general.

“Good morning,” she smiled at me, and I felt blessed. God damn blessed.

I let her lead us through what had become our morning routine - shower, dress, and head to the kitchen for coffee, with plenty of chances for kissing and groping because I couldn’t keep my hands or lips from her for long - feeling well-rested and relaxed, and grateful not to have to think for a change.

When we entered the kitchen, Y/N poured cups while I sat at the table where Sam and Eileen were awake and chatty. At least there was food, which had to be Eileen because Sam was all thumbs in the kitchen.

I shoved a piece of bacon in my mouth as Y/N passed me a coffee and sat beside me. I had to be dreaming still. All of us, together, happy, a family. I knew it couldn’t last, and we still had to talk about what happened and how to handle it.

Y/N POV

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked.

Well, no, he didn’t just ask. He flashed those devastating puppy-dog eyes at me - full of sympathy and concern - and I felt confused at his sudden, intense care for me, but I also melted a little under the influence of that gaze.

“Better,” I shrugged, focusing on my plate and shoving food around with my fork. I was hungry, but I also felt incredibly guilty. I made them feel uncomfortable because I couldn’t handle the fallout of a simple kill.

“You don’t have to be,” he added, and I couldn’t help but meet his eyes again. Seeing his sincerity, I struggled to hold back tears.

“I’m so sorry. This is my fault,” Eileen said.

I watched as Sam reassured her it wasn’t, using his hands and words, before he tucked her head under his chin and ran his hands down her back, comforting her. I felt this wasn’t the first time they’d had this discussion.

“No, it’s our fault,” Dean insisted, pointing between him and Sam. “They went after you-” he pointed at Eileen “-to get to us, and you-” he turned to me “-had to kill something and are traumatized because of us.”

“Because of the demons,” I said calmly and steadily as I tried to eat some food.

“What?”

“It’s the demons' fault. We were all victims,” I stated firmly, staring Dean down and begging his stubborn ass to believe it.

I knew he was angry with himself, blaming himself for everything. It was what he did. I wasn’t sure I could break him of the habit, especially not over this, but I would still try—every time.

Dean stared back, a fire in his eyes and stiff posture as he shifted his whole body to face me. I met his stance and gaze, determined not to back down from this fight.

“They did it to try to hurt us,” he emphasized. “We’re hell’s most wanted and - newsflash, Sweetheart-” he seethed, throwing his arms up at his sides, and I internally cringed at the bitter use of the name and how utterly horrible and demeaning it sounded in that tone.

“That means demons coming at us. They always have, and they always will. So yeah, it’s our fault. Hell, probably mine because-” he turned to stare at his brother as he and Eileen tried to remain quiet and still as this conversation erupted. “-That demon you exorcised was asking about Y/N, right?”

He didn’t even wait for a response as he faced me again, his anger out of control, his face red, and his voice booming in the caverns of the underground Bunker. I held up a finger before he could continue - or before Sam could muster a response - more than fed up with his current train of bullshit.

“Okay, Hun,” I threw back at him in the same patronizing tone. “First off, it’s not your fault that demons come after you. You’re the best, and that threatens them. But you didn’t beg for demons to come into your life and keep it interesting,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes at the idea.

“And second, I knew who you were and what you were about since I came here, Dean.” I tried and failed to keep the whine out of my voice as I got loud and emotional. “I knew about your life and that things like this would happen. I don’t want to hunt, and I don’t want to kill. Taking a life…”

I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. Life was precious, and I wasn’t a killer, nor did I want to be. I knew this would stay with me, and I hoped it wouldn’t drive me crazy. Crazy with grief, sorrow, and guilt. I met his eyes again and saw he’d deflated some.

“But I would do it again, kill again and again, to protect and save you because you’re worth it, and I love you that much.”

Sam POV

Dean and Y/N looked happy and well-rested when they entered the kitchen. Eileen and I had made breakfast—well, mostly Eileen. I just handed her things, really - and I was glad to be able to help relieve some of the tension from Y/N. She usually did these things and cared for us all; now, she needed us to do the same for her.

I suppose I was too hopeful that she’d be alright, but I wanted her to know it was okay if she wasn’t. I should’ve known everyone’s emotions were running high. I had spent much time convincing Eileen that it wasn’t her fault, either. But she was about as stubborn as Dean or myself, and in the back of my mind, I knew convincing any of us that we weren’t at fault was a monumental task.

“It’s the demons' fault. We were all victims.”

The words seemed to suck the air out of the room. Y/N stared Dean down, almost as if daring him to argue with her. I’d seen them have plenty of interactions, but never angry or argumentative. He turned in his seat to face her, and I squeezed Eileen’s hand under the table as I braced for whatever tirade my brother was about to unleash.

“They did it to hurt us. We’re hell’s most wanted and - newsflash, Sweetheart -”

I winced at Dean’s tone as he hissed the nickname at Y/N. To her credit, she didn’t bat an eye. I glanced at Eileen, who seemed to feel the same as she turned her attention back to the others.

“That means demons coming at us. They always have, and they always will.”

I sighed, and my shoulders slumped because Dean was right. Demons were a constant nuisance in our lives. Eileen squeezed my hand, and I met her eyes. She nudged me, and I knew she was trying to keep me from blaming myself, just like I had done with her.

He’s right. I silently mouthed the words to her. She let go of my hand, and I was about to protest or wonder what I did wrong until I realized she was quickly signing with her hands low to be unseen by the others.

If he’s right, then I’m to blame, too.

I shook my head to deny her words, and she flashed me a slight smirk, proving her point. We all wanted to take the blame, but Y/N was right. We were all victims here.

“That demon you exorcised was asking about Y/N, right?”

His question caught me off guard. Surprised, I raised my brows but sat taller and squeezed Eileen’s hand for courage as I was roped into their debate. He didn’t wait for my answer before he turned back to Y/N, and she raised a finger to stall me, so I shut my mouth and relaxed back into my seat.

“Okay, Hun.”

Ooh, shit. Okay, she was throwing his shit right back at him. It was hard to hide my smirk.

“First off, it’s not your fault that demons come after you. You’re the best, and that threatens them. But you didn’t beg for demons to come into your life and keep it interesting.”

I almost felt like her words were for me, too, because they soothed and encouraged me. And she was right again. We didn’t ask for this life, for demons and monsters to hunt us as much as we hunted them. But it was our life, and Dean was okay with that until someone he cared about got hurt.

“And second, I knew who you were and what you were about since I came here, Dean. I knew about your life and that things like this would happen. I don’t want to hunt, and I don’t want to kill. Taking a life…”

Eileen and I leaned more into each other, our gazes falling to the table. We all had been there and knew the feeling of that first kill or a hunt gone wrong. It was a heavy, dark feeling that settled deep in your core and poisoned everything if you let it.

We had done this for so long. Even Eileen had been hunting most of her life and was a Men of Letters legacy herself. After a while, the killing, death, and blood all get easier. But you also find yourself drowning in it.

“But I would do it again, kill again and again, to protect and save you because you’re worth it, and I love you that much.”

And there it was—without a serum, and despite the horrible turn of events - she told him again that she felt him worthy and loved him. It was exactly what Dean needed to hear, pounded into his mind repeatedly until he understood. I suddenly felt even worse about how I had reacted before. Maybe I needed someone to pound it into my head, too. I turned and smiled at Eileen, who was looking at me sweetly.

My mind went back to my conversation with Dean. He wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving Y/N behind at the Bunker, being apart from her, and I still believed we’d be safer in numbers. But we’d also be able to watch and protect Y/N and Eileen.

“Dean,” Y/N sighed. “This is part of the Hunter Pie life. You can’t shield me, so you might as well prepare me.”

Yeah. That. She was right again, and I completely agreed with her. She was the odd one out, who wasn’t a hunter, a legacy, or a part of this world. But here she was, choosing to face it all because it was Dean’s life, and she felt he was worth it.

At that moment, I finally realized why Dean defended her and fought for their relationship. She was worth it, too.

Dean POV

“Dean,” Y/N sighed. “This is part of the Hunter Pie life. You can’t shield me, so you might as well prepare me.”

“Prepare you?”

“I don’t want to hunt,” she reiterated. “But I want you to train me to defend myself so I can be ready.”

“I can help,” Eileen offered, smiling at Y/N. “I want to help.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sam said, and I felt sick.

All I wanted was for Y/N to be protected from all of this. To continue being happy and carefree and not have to face and deal with the dark crap that plagued us. But everyone, including her, seemed to have other ideas. I didn’t like it, but she had a point.

She had handled herself beautifully in that encounter. With a bit of training, she’d probably be a pretty proficient hunter. I didn’t want that for her either, but if I remained in this life - which, who am I kidding, I could never leave - then she’d be in it, too, one way or another.

Then, there was what she’d said. Despite her shock and trauma, I was worth what she was feeling because she loved me that much. Those words alone took all the air and anger right outta me.

“Okay,” I sighed, shaking my head. Although I hated the idea, I knew I was outnumbered. “Okay, we’ll work on training you and bring you along on hunts. You can help with research and other things that don’t involve the killing part.”

She grinned broadly, leaned forward, and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hugging me tight. It surprised me, but I was grateful, wrapping my arms around her tightly. It was our first fight—or argument, really—and all things considered, it wasn’t that bad. However, I still hated that we argued to begin with.

I never wanted to be the reason she was upset.

That didn’t mean I was thrilled about training her or taking her along on hunts, even if she wanted to avoid the monsters. I wasn’t too thrilled that this family of ours - that was so new and I was just in awe over - had banded together against me on such a hard-hitting issue. Why did I feel like I was the only one worried?

Eileen mentioned showing Y/N some of her favorite weapons and go-to moves, and the two of them excitedly talked as they left the kitchen, presumably to start Y/N’s training. Sam watched them go, then turned to me with a smirk.

“You’re freaking out, aren’t you?”

My little brother seemed amused, the ass, and I couldn’t help the groan that left me as I dropped my head to the table.

“I’m worried,” I reluctantly admitted, but I had to talk to someone about this. “She was already attacked once, and if we take her with us…”

“I get it. But she’s right. This is part of the ‘hunter pie life’ thing you two keep talking about.”

“You could have that, too.”

I knew Sam wanted that, a life like that. He usually talked about ‘getting out’ and having the ‘apple pie life.’ But if I could somehow swing this mixed world life, surely he could, too? At least Eileen was part of this world and life. I never wanted to bring anyone into it, but it was different if they already were.

What Y/N asked us to do was against one of my strongest beliefs: not to bring civilians into this world and life. But I failed at that the moment we let her into the Bunker, the moment I let her into my bed and my heart.

“Eileen was thinking about staying around for a while,” Sam said, and I could hear the hopefulness in his tone, not just for what that could mean but also for my blessing.

“Good. I’m sure Y/N would appreciate having another woman around.”

I smirked, and he smiled bashfully. He almost resembled his younger self, full of hope for the future. It was a little infectious. But I got it. Y/N made me feel alive and lucky to have her. I didn’t want to leave her behind; I’d miss her too much. I didn’t want her in danger, either, but I couldn’t have everything.

If she was determined, then so was I. If she was gonna come along, even if she wasn’t hunting, I’d make sure that she could survive, no matter what.

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thatbanditqueen · 2 years ago

Text

Basic Training Chapter 7

Mad love to my alpha @whositmcwhatsit seriously your editing and feedback make this so much better. Also love and special thanks to my lovely elvis coven, @vintageshanny @ellie-24 @be-my-ally @peskybedtime @from-memphis-with-love @missmaywemeetagain @powerofelvis @be-my-ally @shakerattlescroll @lookingforrainbows and to @ab4eva for her sweetness, you were the only person to ask me about Bess on tumblr between now and the last chapter and I was like oh, I guess someone is still reading this. Which is good. Because I am still writing it. ;)

Thanks to everyone who reads this, shares, reblogs, leaves a comment or whatever. I write for myself, but I publish for community, and I don't think I could write with out your support and friendship.

Summary: Bess resigns to get over Elvis and move on, but he has other plans.

Warnings: Not much, depictions of mental illness/delusion.

WC: 6.5 K

If you need to catch up Chapter Six: Guided Missiles or the masterlist here Basic Training

Click here if you prefer to read on A03

Chapter 7: The Minefield

12:15 p.m., Friday, April 24th, 1958

Commissioned Officer’s Mess

Army Intelligence Training Unit, Fort Hood, TX

“I thought you were applying to law school?”

Bess let her straw drop out of her mouth to meet James’ concerned stare across the mahogany table.

“Um, I changed my mind.” Her eyes dropped back to her chocolate egg cream and she paused for a moment. The sound of glasses clinking and hushed conversations reverberated through the Army Intelligence officer’s club. “I kinda dropped the ball on writing my sample essay. And,ugh, I haven't been able to focus at all on studying for the entrance exam.” Bess trailed her shoe anxiously across the burgundy carpet, she hated admitting that she had given up on lawyer school. “It’s just temporary, a temporary pause. No, for now, I think a year or two working for the state department is the best next step. I’ve always wanted to spend time in Europe..”

“But Helsinki, Bess?” James reached over to comfort her with a hand squeeze, but she pulled loose and went back to eating her pot roast lunch.

“Finland is a stepping stone.I could be working in Berlin next summer. And Helsinki has a lot of international action. It’s right next to St. Petersburg.”

“This sudden need to go to the coldest burg in Europe wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain tall, dark soldier who’s been doing extra laps around the barracks every day, would it?”

Bess lifted her thick, white cotton napkin to obscure the blush spreading up her cheeks. “I saw that he’s had extra PT, I’ve been wondering what happened.”

“Oh? I thought for sure that was all you and your front office connections, getting back at Presley — “

“Jameson, I would never abuse my position in the Front Office for revenge. You know how basic training is. Drill sergeants use any excuse to tear you apart just so they can build you back up again. He probably was late to inspection, or maybe he tried to protest extra push ups, and now it’s marathon time everyday til he’s learned his lesson.”

“Hmmm, must be. Though I don’t feel even the teensiest twinge of sympathy for him after that stunt he pulled on you? Think it would look suspicious if he got run over by a jeep? In his barracks?” James winked at Bess/

“Ha, just say you made a wrong turn.” Bess chuckled, but her smile quickly faded into a sigh.

She speared a potato with her fork, looking at it as if it had the answer to life’s secrets like a magic eight ball. Maybe all she needed to do was turn potato over and around until it revealed her fate. Sadly, no messages turned up, and she laid it back on her plate.

“Thing is, I knew he had other girlfriends. I just wished he’d called and canceled our plans instead of leaving me hanging to find out another way. The most humiliating way.”

“Maybe he couldn’t get away to call? Or forgot your number? Have you seen him at all?”

Bess shook her head, sipping her drink again. “Uh uh. But I’ve been avoiding him. What am I supposed to say? It hurt my feelings that you put the kibosh on our night together for a pajama party with one of your steady girlfriends?“ Her eyes met James. “But, uh, he knows my number, though. He called that Monday, after she left town. And several other times.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know, I have Kay on switchboard duty. She has strict instructions to inform male callers that I’m not home.”

“You oughta talk to him, honey, let him have it.”

“I’d rather not, I - I, it was, uh. The whole thing felt so icky, I never want to feel that way again. It took me back to last summer and Be. Except, this time, I’m the other woman and I know all about his girlfriend back in Memphis.” Bess put down her fork, unable to eat anymore. “I think my picker is broken, James. I’m destined to be alone.”

“But are you supposed to be alone in Helsinki?”

“I’m actually excited to be single in Helsinki.” James raised his eyebrows. “What? The city is is pretty hip!They just hosted the Olympics. Lots of people live there from all over the world. After Berlin, it is one of the top hubs for working with the Ruskies.”

“Ok, ok, I get it, you hussy, you’ll probably be able to play patty cake with an assortment of good looking European men. I just can’t believe you are abandoning me, it’s so selfish. I’m almost ready to swear I’ll never buy another Presley record.”

“I’m not leaving because of him!” Bess huffed at the way James arched his eyebrow higher and straightened her napkin over her skirt. Aggressively. “I swear, how many times do I have to tell you, he’s just helped me get the perspective I needed. The straw that broke the camel’s back. I gotta get out of this place before I wind up like Mabel.”

James sniffed as he motioned to the waiter. “Mabel seems happy, could be worse.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not. But you might be out of here before me. I only just sent in my application materials, you know how these civilian posts can be. If I make the first cut, I still have to do a round of phone interviews,an in-person one, a thorough background check. Why, I probably won’t head out until the summer. If I get it.”

James quirked his mouth and whistled when they stood to leave and shook his head.

“Seems like such a waste to store all your resources behind a desk. Should be out, serving our country at USO shows.”

Bess slapped James shoulder, then straightened his jacket, smoothing her hand over his medals.

“Jameson, stop. Do you talk to the debutantes back in Rhode Island like this? You know, half the officers in here are probably my father’s spies. Keep whistling at me like that, they’ll convince him we’re an item.” She grabbed her purse and put her gloves back on. “Besides, I am not exactly the type who likes performing or attention.:

He looked her over once again, making an exaggerated show of appreciation for the way that Bess’ smart tweed pencil skirt hugged her hips.

“Oh, but that’s what makes you such a knockout, Bessie Girl. Why don’t we get married, huh? We could travel the world together, life would never be boring. We’d have great looking, smart kids.”

Bess put her finger to James’ lips, looking into the hazel eyes that glimmered below his perfectly coiffed honey blonde hair.

“I wish I could. I can’t marry someone I don’t love, not in the way I love you anyway.It’s no good, we’d end up ruining our friendship.”

James slid his arm through Bess’ as he led them out of the officer’s club. “I suppose you’re right, Schwartz, but if you ever get desperate and want to be married to a dashing officer who’d never leave you for another woman, the offer stands.”

“This is no time to be getting married, Jameson. I’m sure you’ll want to enjoy the local flavor in Heidelberg.”

“Hmm, yeah, no matter the gene pool, it’s gotta be better than this dump.”

Bess smoothed her hair once they were outside and turned to James. He looked so handsome in his dashing officer’s uniform, cap under his arm. He was probably the best looking, wealthiest man to ever propose to her, even in jest. She really would miss him once they left Fort Hood. Bess gripped James arm tighter before they parted, and smiled.

“No kidding, I can’t wait to put Fort Hood and Elvis and everything in my rear view mirror. Get a fresh start in gorgeous, romantic Helsinki-town, city of dreams.”

“I thought that was Paris?”

“Nope, pretty sure it’s Helsinki. Though I understand why you’re confused, Helsinki is the Paris of the Baltic Sea.”

“No one calls it that.”

“Sure they do, I’m starting it now.”

James smiled, fixing his uniform cap back on his head. “Ha, ok. Well, as they say in Helsinki, au revoir.”

*********************************************

Bess’ fresh start suddenly seemed a million miles away when she glimpsed Elvis Presley running round the base. It had only taken a few minutes after she got into her father’s Oldsmobile before she recognized Elvis’ tall, perspiring figure jogging around the circular track behind the PX. There he was, in his sweat-soaked tee-shirt, dog tags jingling over his chest, running towards them in the dusk of sunset.

It struck her for a moment how odd it was for the drill sergeants to have him do laps out here on the road near the gate instead of closer to the 37th tank division. They must be making a public example of him, she thought, having him do laps out here as people drive past on a main road out of the base.

It was working, he looked absolutely miserable and exhausted. The cold grimace he had fixed on his face pulled on Bess’ heartstrings, and she felt a compulsory urge to go comfort him. But then she remembered why she’d cut him loose, and nodded to herself, reaffirming how wise she was protecting herself from further heartache. It wasn’t easy.

She got so captivated watching him take off his cap and wipe his forehead as they got closer, that she suddenly realized he was about to run by her car and had to quickly duck down flat against the bench seat to avoid being seen.

“Ilsa, whatever are you doing?”

Bess popped up with a squeak, looking over her shoulder at Elvis’ figure running away behind them, then stuttered to her father. “I, um, I dropped my lipstick on the floor is all, Papa.”

Dinner was pleasant enough. Mama served tuna noodle casserole and followed it with a cherry cream cheese jello mold. It was comforting to Bess to think these were recipes any other family on the block might be eating tonight. Though she doubted whether the other mothers were wearing a matching red dress and explaining the deep meaning behind the color red, and how powerful color it is, one that can provide all the strength and nourishment they needed. Bess did concede that cherry Jell-O tasted like what she thought the color red might taste like.

And if a lecture on the spiritual nature of red Jell-o was the most occult Mama got tonight, then tonight was a good night.

After eating, Bess changed into a more comfortable, simple light blue house dress, and was trying to calculate how long it had been since Mama had one of her episodes as she walked downstairs, when she heard Kay on the phone.

“Well, no Rex, I guess I’m not doing anything. Well, sure, gee whiz, yeah, I know a few friends who’d flip their lids at the chance. You bet, meet you there at 8!”

Bess turned the corner at the bottom of the landing, and gripped the polished circular handrail as Kay spun around with a wide, beaming grin. Her sister halted suddenly and tripped forward with a gasp when she caught Bess’s stare.

“Was that Elvis’ bunk mate, Rex?”

Kay gulped. “Mhmmm, I did like you told me, and said you - you weren’t home.”

Bess crossed her arms. “So what, now you’re going out with them?”

“Well, I - he - I heard Elvis tell him to invite me and any other friends to meet them at the movie theatre on post. It’s, it’s, not a date, it’s a group-like thing.”

Bess took a deep sigh. Miles Davis wafted out from behind the closed door of their father’s office at the back of the house, and she could hear her mother doing the dishes. Bess had come down to help clean up, and had planned to spend her Friday evening at home. She thought she might read or watch TV, play a game of gin rummy with Mama. Anything to take her mind off of Elvis. And now here her sister was, running out to go meet him!

“I cannot believe he invited you out.”

“And why is that? You’re not the only charming, good looking girl around here, Bess.”

“That’s not what I was saying, Kay. What kind of guy invites out the sister of a girl - a girl - a girl he’d been riding around with? You aren’t seriously thinking of going? What about Dickie?”

“It’s not like that. Cuz, - it’s - it’s not a date. Why, they’re getting a gang together. Rex said I should bring some other girls. I’m about to call Carol and Tracy. If you think I’m gonna deprive them of the chance to meet Elvis Presley, you got another thing coming. Why, you always keep him all to yourself.” Kay huffed, and put her hands on her hips. “It’s not a date. You could come if you wanted, you know.”

Bess squeezed her hands into tight fists, squelching her sudden intense desire to slap her sister.

“You know exactly why I won’t be doing that, I told you how things went with him and you are smart enough to know he is probably doing this to upset me. And you’re helping him! My own sister. Kay Brutus Schwartz.”

Kay’s face fell, and she met Bess in the middle of the hallway. “It’s not like that at all. Please don’t be mad, Bess, but me and my friends, we have all his albums. You can’t hold it against me for wanting to go. It’s not like I asked, he - ”

Bess brushed Kay’s hand from her shoulder and stomped off in a huff, her anger powered her through an incredibly fast cleaning session in the kitchen.

Mama dried the last plate Bess handed her, then put her arms around Bess at the sink. “See, Bessie baby, all that red Jell-o gave you the energy and focus you needed. I’ll get you some red silk underwear for your new job, I saw some in the Montgomery Ward catalog. Or were they red flannel long johns? Well, you’ll need both in Helsinki.”

*********************************************

Bess had frowned as Kay traipsed out the door to meet her friends when Carol pulled up in her mother’s yellow DeSoto. At first she took her book upstairs and sat at the window, watching for Kay’s return around 10 p.m.

By 10:30, she had moved to the porch, where she sat up on the bench hugging her knees and trying to read while she waited to catch her sister and pump her for information outside where their parents wouldn’t hear them.

Yawning, she was just straightening the bows on her white house slippers when she turned to see a car pulling up in front of the house. But this was not Carol’s mother’s yellow DeSoto. It was a white Cadillac. And she made the mistake of looking up long enough to note the row of guys in the back seat and make eye contact with Elvis as he parked.

Fuck, Bess muttered to herself staring back into her book, unable to focus her eyes on any of the words. In her periphery, she watched Elvis jump out and race around the front of his car, loosely putting his arm around a giddy, smiling Kay as he walked her up the path to the front porch.

Bess took a deep breath, accepting that there was nothing she could do, that she was stuck out here with her hair in a messy bun wearing a house dress and slippers. So, she braced herself and stood to confront the most famous man in the world.

The cool night air was no comfort to the heated temper rising in her chest as Elvis walked up the stairs in front of her, his fingers now spread over Kay’s shoulder. His eyes narrowed, and a smirk played over his face.

“Hellooooo there Bess, ain’t you sweet, coming out here to greet me.”

“Hmmmm.” Bess nodded, curtly, exhaling at Kay’s sheepish grin.

“Well, I enjoyed our date tonight, Kitty Kat, didju?” He gave Kay’s shoulder a rub and Kay laughed nervously at his nickname, glancing back at Bess as she untangled herself from Elvis’ grip.

“Oh, well, it was a gas to meet you and the whole gang,” Kay made a show of waving at the car, “Tell Rex thanks for the Coke and candy.”

Elvis ran his hand through his hair.“Uh, well, I wudda bought you all the Cokes you wanted, I just -”

Bess interrupted him. “Let me guess, you forgot your wallet?”

“Yeah, guess that’s happened before.” Elvis chuckled.

“Ahem, Kitty Kat is it?” Bess raised her eyes at her sister. “Probably time you were in bed, little girl. I have a few words I need to have with your date, here.”

Kay coughed and avoided Bess’ intense look of death as she thanked Elvis for a fun night. He grabbed her hand, making eye contact with Bess over Kay’s shoulder and he hugged her sister and gave her a soft peck on the cheek. Kay hung in his embrace for several beats, then scuttled away to leave Elvis with Bess’s cool stare

“You have some nerve.”

Elvis took a step toward her, “Aw, Bess, now see, when you act like this it makes me think you still like me.”

“Is that ri-ight?” Her voice wavered as he took a step toward her with his shoulders back, head forward, rubbing the back of his neck. She stumbled back a few steps, distracted by the way his eyes pierced her from under his eyebrows.

“See, you actin’ like ya jealous, honey. But you ain’t playin’ fair.“

“Really. I don’t play fair?”

“Uh uh.” Now he was hovering over her, backing her into the front of the house, his lower lip hanging open as he leaned over her. “You play hot one day, then cool the next. Won’t take my calls, but now ya jealous. Playin’ games s’what it is, and I can’t stand chicks who play games.”

“Ha!” Bess had meant her declaration to be a lot more forceful than how it came out as a muffled breath into the dark, red fisherman’s sweater Elvis was wearing. Of course! Of course his sweater was red. It sucked all Bess’ strength right out of her. And her resolve. She tried for dear life to hang on to the painful embarrassment that had punched her in the gut when she met Anita.

“You’re - you’re - you had - you’re the one who -”

Elvis’ hand was at her waist, and his thumb pressed over her belly button.

“Sshhh. I know, I missed our date.”

Bess mumbled toward her shoes. “Well, I wouldn’t call a party in a cheap motel room a date by any me-“

Elvis’ pursed his lips in a grin as he brought his other hand to Bess’ cheek, his eyes gleaming as she shivered in him. He tilted her chin to meet his eyes. Bess tried to shake him off, but couldn’t, she was spellbound by the pair of dark blue eyes above her.

She reminded herself that there was an audience of grown men watching them from his back seat. Then she thought she saw the curtain at the front window ripple and realized Kay was probably leaning against the wall inside, spying on them. She thought about how Elvis had invited her sister out, at the very least to get her attention, or at worst, to make her jealous. She thought about how she had sworn to her best friend hours ago that she never wanted to see Elvis Presley again. She tried to grasp at all these things and more as Elvis stepped closer to her, and shifted his arm over her against the wall. But suddenly thinking was very difficult. Elvis’ thumb circled the button at the waist of her cotton house dress.

“OK, ok,well, when you say it like that, sounds awful. Definitely weren’t no date. Still, Kitty Kat told me how upset you’ve been. And I know I shudda called you.” Elvis took a deep breath, and coughed. “ And, well, that gal came down and surprised the hell outta me, is what happened. I didn’t invite her, now that’s the god’s honest truth. But, well, put me in an awful bind and I couldn’t get away to call you. Wudda much rather spent the weekend with you, Moo Moo.”

His breath was warm on her neck, and the way he murmured her nickname was like a sultry saxophone solo. Bess closed her eyes as it rolled over her body, giving her goosebumps. His whisper was full of vulnerable need and Bess couldn’t believe that she actually felt bad for him, as if she were to blame for everything.

“I - I - I’m sorry.”

“Nah, honey, I reckon, if I’m honest with ma self, you have every right to be sore at me. But you havta give a man the chance to defend hisself. Tell me now, don’t a man deserve a chance to splain?”

There was his thumb, gliding over the front of her stomach, rubbing back and forth.

“Really, I wasn’t trying to play games.”

“I know, Moo Moo. I know’d you weren’t really like that, else I wouldn’t be here.” He leaned in, pressing his open lips to the corner of her jaw, soft and delicate as he continued his whispers. “Though I don’t know if I could stay away even if you were the devil, baby. Ain’t been able to stop thinking about you.” His mouth was warm on her neck. “You, and only you.”

His touch sent a wave of feverish heat through her body, and Bess didn’t care if he was lying, all she knew was that she would willingly go back to his motel room with him right now in her flimsy white house slippers and all. However, before she could make that suggestion, she heard the front door open and she jumped up instantly, pushing Elvis away at the sight of her father’s silhouette in the dim porch light.

“Elizabeth, it’s cold out tonight. Why don’t you invite your guest inside?”

Bess swallowed hard, glancing up at Elvis, whose cool demeanor and friendly smile belied the fingers she could see tapping against his thigh through his pocket. She looked out at the car, then up at the dark sky, shaking her head to herself.

“ Hi Papa, this is, uh - ”

Elvis stood up straight and jerked his hand out as he strode to shake her father’s hand.

“Uh, good evening, Sir, I’m Elvis, Elvis Presley.”

“Yes, I’ve been expecting to meet you for some time now.” Bess’ mouth dropped open. Before she could find the words to protest, her father was putting his arm around Elvis and guiding him inside. “I understand you and Ilsa have been spending a lot of time together, jah?”

*********************************************

“Can I pour you a whiskey?” The table lamp flickered as Bess’ father walked by, his calm words trailed behind him on his way to the bar.

Elvis sat at the edge of the couch patting his hand to a silent rhythm and then bouncing up again to pace over to the hi-fi set.

“Naw, jus a Pepsi - or a Big Red, honey.” Bess glared at him as he looked up at her from where he perched in front of the record player. “Bessie. I mean, Eliz-a-bess.”

Bess frowned as Elvis popped open the concealed door in the sound system’s speakers and proceeded to rifle through her father’s LP collection. Her father arched his eyebrow, muttering in German that the boy seemed to know his way around and feel quite at home, jah? Bess was asking Rex and Lamar what they wanted when Mama floated into the living room, swaying the skirt of her red dress back and forth, a dreamy look in her face. Bess froze, looking around the room, then scuttling over to her mother and latching her arm around Mama’s waist, whispering in her ear.

“Mama - Hi Mama, I thought you went upstairs to relax?”

The boys all stood up as Mama patted Bess on the shoulder. “Bess, you’re making the lamps all buzzy, stop buzzing around and introduce me to your friends.”

Bess sighed and then froze when Elvis walked over and took her mother’s hand, kissing the top.

“Evening, ma’am, I’m Elvis, Elvis Presley, s’a pleasure to meet you, I can see where your daughters get their good looks from, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

Mama giggled and blushed. “Ha, well, you are charming. The faeries told me Bessie had a new beau, but they didn’t say he was handsome.” Bess’ face went white as she tried to guide her mother to the big orange leather chair in the corner, but Mama swatted her hands away. “Bess, I said to quit fussin’. Go get our guests something to drink.”

Every cell in Bess’ body was on high alert, and she rubbed at her throat trying quell the nauseous, tight feeling that now plagued her stomach. Bess had not brought Ben, her former fiancee, home to meet her family until he had asked her to marry him. At that point, they had already been going steady for two months, she had trusted Ben completely and had given him a thorough debriefing on Mama and the family dynamics. She had known Elvis a month. ANd spent the last two weeks hating him.

Elvis returned her mother’s hand and flashed Bess a warm, crooked reassuring smile. Rex and Lamar gathered next to him making their awkward introductions, before Papa walked over and offered Mama his hand, tilting his head at Kay.

“Come sit with me, Emily, let the boys relax. Katherine, you get the drinks.”

Bess followed Kay into the hall. “I’ll get it, Kay, I -uh - I was gonna make Mama a special cup of tea - “

“I got it, I know how to do it. You go back in there.” Kay winked, and left Bess to sigh as she took a deep breath and resigned herself to face whatever was waiting for her in the living room.

Elvis sat on the edge of the couch trying to stop his knee from bopping up and down with the palm of his hand, already in conversation with Bess’ father.

“Jah, I started off in the German division, but now I oversee all intelligence training.”

Elvis’ eyes widened and he seemed grateful to see Bess walk back into the room and hit Lamar to clear the seat next to him on the couch. Bess shook her head and sat at the piano bench, trying to think of how to change the subject.

“Papa, I imagine the boys are tired after a long week and - “

“Oh Bessie, don’t send them away!” Mama waved her off as she got up and happily plopped into the clear spot next to Lamar, shooting Bess a playful frown. “You never bring friends over any more, it’s a breath of fresh air having young people over. Want any leftover tuna noodle casserole?”

A momentary grimace passed over Elvis’ face as he declined, and Bess' father coughed.

“Too bad we don’t have any meatloaf, perhaps zat would have suited you better.”

“Actually, mister, I’m bout plumb fed up with meatloaf, EP’s been ordering - “ Lamar stopped talking at the sight of Elvis’ eyebrow, arched in warning.

“Well, Bess makes a great meatloaf, you boys will have to come back for dinner sometime. I’ll get her to cook it up for you.” Mama bowed her head with certainty as she spoke, turning Elvis’ hand over in her lap as if to read his fortune. “Elvis, such an unusual name. What does it mean?”

“Ugh, well, ma’am.” Elvis scooted back against the arm rest, turning in to face Bess’ mother more directly. “I have been told it means someone who is uh, very wise.” He winked over at Bess as she rolled her eyes. Kay returned, and she bounced up to assist in handing out the drinks.

“I’ve never heard the name Elvis before tonight, is it common where you’re from?”

Lamar gasped. “You never heard ‘a Elvis?”

“No, why, should I? Do you all work with Henry in Intel?”

Elvis shook his head. “No, no ma’am, Rexadus here and I, well, we’re new recruits, and Lamar right here is jus’ a ole friend of mine, visiting.”

Mama smiled big. “Oh, well, if you think I would have heard of you from Bess, you have another thing coming. She’s a sphinx, that one, never tells me anything about anything.I have to get all my gossip from the wind.”

“Elvis is a famous performer, mama. They’re surprised you’ve never heard of him because he is on the radio. And the movies.”

“Oh, is that true? Would I know any of your music?”

Just then, the phone in Papa’s office began to ring and he stood up to excuse himself, muttering in German that he would hardly call it music. Bess exhaled a chuckle at the curious look on Elvis’ face.

“I’m guessing that weren’t a rousin’ endorsement from ya daddy,huh ?”

She shook her head, and Mama clucked.

“Oh, Henry didn’t get enough red food tonight, don’t mind him. You know, you’re not the first song and dance man I’ve met. When I was a girl - “

“-I met Eddie Cantor when he sang at Zeyde’s theatre on Coney Island.” Bess and Kay exclaimed in unison with a grin.

Bess relaxed as the room filled with warm laughter and she almost felt like they were a normal family, teasing and chiding each other as they entertained guests.

“Oy, well, it’s true, you boys have heard of Eddie Cantor, haven’t you?” Mama grinned at their nods, and took it as her cue to keep talking between sips of tea. “Well, I was just a kid when he was first making it big in New York. And my father had this vaudeville theater, and we met all sorts of acts working their way up the circuit. Baby Rose Marie, Bert WIlliams, Jimmy Durante, and, of course, a lot of nobodies trying to be somebodies. Eddie was probably the most successful guy to come through our place. Boy, was he handsome! Tall, dark hair, those big gorgeous eyes, like two rounds of chocolate.”

“Mama, zey ton nisht veln tsu hern vegn deyn shule meydl krashiz.”

“Oh, Bess thinks I shouldn’t share these things. She thinks I’m an old lady, that I don’t have blood pulsing in my veins. But I’ve always appreciated a good looking man.” Mama patted Elvis' knee. “Still do.” Then all of a sudden she swayed into Elvis' shoulder, her eyelids fluttering before she slumped on his shoulder.

“Ma’am? Ya ok? I’ve had girls swoon before, though they usually heard a me.”

Bess jumped up and looked over at her sister. “How much did you put in her tea, Kay?”

“Just a tablespoon.”

“It’s supposed to be a teaspoon!” Bess growled through clenched teeth as she felt her mother’s pulse, and tried to unfurl her mother’s arm from around Elvis’ shoulder.

“I’ll take her up - “

“Aw, honey - s’ok, want me to - “

“ - Well, it was an easy mistake.” Kay hovered behind Bess, and stomped her foot.

Mama’s eyelids fluttered back open for a moment and she looked up into Elvis' face. “You know, you have a beautiful aura, Alvis, I can tell you are a good person - Bess, if you don’t marry him, I will.”

Bess gulped, and looked at Kay. “Help me get her up the stairs?”

Before they could do anything, Elvis lifted Mama and nodded at Bess. “Jus lead the way, ‘k Bess honey? Boys, y’all go on out to the car, and we’ll get outta ya hair ‘fore you say lickety splickety.”

Lamar sighed with relief and could not get through the hallway fast enough, almost knocking the telephone off the little desk as he passed. Rex, however, hung back, gathering up the bottles of pop and taking them to the kitchen behind Kay, looking back to nod at Elvis in a silent offer to help. Elvis shook his head and followed Bess up the stairs.

“Alright, now, Mrs. Schwartz, ma’am, ya gonna be snug as a bug in a rug, jus you wait.”

Elvis set Mama down in her bed carefully, gently taking her hands and placing them at her sides. Mama opened her eyes and trailed her fingers over the sharp edge of Elvis' crew cut, smiling dreamily as she asked “Almond” if he would marry her.

“Ya so sweet and beautiful, I would, I would if I could, ma’am.”

Tears welled up behind Bess’ eyes as she watched the tender way Elvis kissed her mother’s cheek and squeezed her hand before she passed out. They exchanged a long look, and Bess blushed.

“I’m sorry you had to see all this, I’m so embarrassed. You didn’t have to stay and help me - “

Elvis rubbed her shoulder. “Honey, I wanted to help, I like helping folks. Ain’t nuthin to be shamed of. Really Moo Moo, wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to. An getting to spend my night with the prettiest lil gal in town, why, that’s just the icing on the cake.” His face scrunched into a big grin as he held her, and bess nodded into the comfy wook of his red sweater.

Elvis stood in the doorway, watching curiously as Bess took off her mother’s shoes and tucked her under the large, homemade victory quilt that they had sewn from old clothes during the war. It was the only blanket Mama would sleep with, and for Bess, it evoked that time in her childhood when Papa was overseas doing things he couldn’t talk about and Mama was the strongest woman she could imagine.

Now, as she looked down at her mother and smoothed hair out of her face, it was Mama who resembled a little girl, finally relaxed and at ease as she started to snore. Her sleeping face free from the cares and mysteries of the world. Bess kissed her mother on the forehead, and turned to find Elvis waiting for her in the doorway. His blue eyes seemed to penetrate her soul, as his thumb rubbed the side of her shoulder.

“Holdin’ it all together, ain’t ya Moo Moo. I see you. I really do.”

Bess shuddered at his touch, wiping the side of her eyes.

“I, um, I. Well, you caught us on a bad night, Almond.”

He chuckled, drawing her into his arms and kissing the top of her forehead.

“Nah, ain’t nothing bad about anything.” The sides of his crinkled as he smirked. “Almond, huh. maybe ya mama there is on to sumpin. Might sell more records and movie tickets if I changed my name to Almond instead. Tell you what, wudda made it harder for the Army to find me.”

“Yes.” She took his hand and led him back down the stairs.”Though you would have missed out on your freel vacation here at beautiful Fort Hood.”

They were back on her porch, and Elvis was clasping her hand tight. He looked out at the darkness, and at his car on the street, then over the garden, before turning back to hover over Bess, hands resting at her waist.

“Wudda missed out on meeting you, honey. Ya my silver lining. Tonight, being here with you, I know it now for certain that fate brought us together.”

Bess turned her head to listen to the crickets, wondering if they had any advice on how to defy fate. Especially when fate distracted you from all common sense by nuzzling your forehead.

“Elvis - I - “

His lips were at her ear as he drew her closer. “Aw, Moo Moo, I cain’t bear to think I made you cry. I mean it.” His thumbs rolled up and down Bess’ sides. ”I promise, ain’t ever let that happen again. I swear. Cuz I need ya, honey, been thinking ‘bout you all the time.”

Bess couldn’t resist the way his eyes lit up with hopeful vulnerability, it made her feel like she was the one who had wronged him by withdrawing her company from him.

“I - I think about you too.” She cupped his cheek. “I’ve seen you doing laps every evening, are you doing okay?”

Elvis huffed and pinched her side. “Oh, yeah, you know me. Every morning, those drill sergeants find a reason to be cross at me, makin’ me do extra PT. But ain’t nothin I can’t handle.”

Bess nodded. Then Elvis’ hands tightened all the way around her, constricting her so tight she almost couldn’t breath, before parting with a soft, chaste farewell kiss and a vague promise to call her the next day.

Bess was humming to herself as she turned off the porch light and locked the door behind her, stopping short when she saw her father come out of his office.

“Everything ok, Papa?’

“Jah, jah. That was just the secure line, a call from D.C.” He straightened his sweater, coughing as he took in the dim quiet of their house. “Ze hound dog has run off, I take it?”

“He’s not so bad, you know.” Bess shifted and looked at her feet, unable to stop the smile at the corner of her mouth. “The drill sergeants have really had it out for him this last week. He’s been running extra PT and they put him on latrine duty. Must have pissed off the wrong person.”

Bess stopped talking, noticing that her father’s face had soured into a tight grimace. She had probably been right not to tell her parents that she had been seeing Elvis. This would be tough, now there was nothing she could do now.

“Jah, that boy did piss off the wrong person. Me. You would be wise to cut your ties with him, Elizabeth, he does not respect women. And you have a bright future ahead of you. I might expect Katherine to be dazzled by this flash of Memphis. But you are too smart for all that. I would hate to see you lose focus on your goals to run around with a boy who brings his hoochie coochie girlfriends to town and flaunts them in your face.”

Bess was silent as her father pursed his lips, nodding, then said good night. She listened to the sound of his footsteps as he walked up stairs, her mind racing as she tried to figure out how he had found out about Elvis. About the debacle with Anita. About all of it.

The disappointment she had seen in her father’s eyes crushed her, and Bess tossed and turned in her bed all night trying to figure out how she could make him understand that she could have fun and still go after her goals. It was the thought of Elvis’ long thumbs caressing her body that finally calmed her down. The memory of his touch was like her own personal dose of benzodiazepine, it made her forget all her problems and give herself over to the sandman.

********************************************************************

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