#big old abandonment issues and denial in that boy...

[poltergrease]

Opened pinterest to this frame of Al from the CoS movie and I blacked out forn3 hours.

Frame referenced:

[reijisteacup]

*fyi this is a lil April's joke for the Sakamakis and Mukami* Vampire mortals*she's a thousand years old* I'm Fredrika Bernkastal. I manipulated the probability of reality and made your girlfriends vanish...I thus sent them to my witch reality.

ohhhhh nooo fredrikaa!!! hehe I made them a little angsty because I'm in that mode... Alrighty <3

Also, thanks for the asks I know this is HELLA late.

=================================================================

Sakamaki's

Shu Sakamaki:

If Shu's girlfriend suddenly vanished, his reaction would probably be a mix of detached indifference on the surface, masking deep confusion and turmoil underneath. He's not one to express emotions outwardly, but someone disappearing—especially someone he actually cared about—would hit him hard, in his own quiet, brooding way.

"Tch… So you disappeared too, huh?"

Reiji Sakamaki:

Reiji would react with intense anger masked under a sharp, icy calm. He’s all about control, rules, order—so someone vanishing from his life without explanation? That would infuriate him. But instead of breaking down, he’d analyze, calculate, blame himself and her, and maybe even spiral into obsession trying to understand why.

"Vanished? How utterly irrational."

Laito Sakamaki:

Laito’s reaction would be a weird cocktail of amusement, obsession, denial, and pain all rolled into one. On the surface, he’d probably laugh it off like it was just some naughty little game, but underneath that flirtatious, teasing tone—he’d be falling apart. Laito’s trauma and abandonment issues run deep, so his girlfriend vanishing would hit him harder than he’d let on.

"Did you run? Or did someone steal you from me?"

Kanato Sakamaki:

Absolute. Emotional. Meltdown.

Unlike the others, Kanato doesn’t hide his feelings behind logic (Reiji), apathy (Shu), or flirtation (Laito). No—he feels everything, and he feels it LOUDLY. His abandonment issues are severe, and he already has trouble separating people from possessions. So, if his girlfriend disappeared, he'd flip from sobbing child to rage-fueled chaos in seconds.

"Where is she? Where IS she?!"

Ayato Sakamaki:

Ayato’s whole identity is built around being the best, being chosen, being the one no one could ever leave. So if his girlfriend vanished? It would wreck his pride, confuse the hell out of him, and piss him off more than anything. He’d act cocky about it at first, like it was no big deal—but underneath that bravado? He’d be hurting. Bad.

"I’m not gonna let this slide. I’ll find you. No matter what it takes.""You’re mine, Chichinashi. And I’m not letting you disappear like that."

Subaru Sakamaki:

He’s already so emotionally guarded, scared of hurting people and being hurt himself. So if his girlfriend—the one person he actually let in—just vanished? It would destroy him inside. He wouldn't yell like Ayato, or spiral like Kanato—he’d get quiet. Too quiet. The kind of quiet that hides a thousand broken thoughts.

"I would've protected you. From everything. From me."

Mukami's

Ruki Mukami:

Do not be fooled. Under that smooth, controlled surface is a man who feels deeply, even if he buries it beneath logic and order. So, if his Eve—his girlfriend—suddenly vanished? He’d lose it. Not in public. Not loudly. But quietly, obsessively, and with a dark intensity that would scare even himself.

"Understand this—I will find you. And when I do, there will be no more running."

Kou Mukami:

Kou’s all charm and smiles on the outside, but behind that idol shine is a deeply broken boy who craves love, attention, and not being thrown away again. So, if his girlfriend vanished? That would dig straight into the core of his abandonment trauma. He’d spiral fast—but unlike Kanato’s explosive grief or Ruki’s cold obsession, Kou would go into emotional freefall. Laughing, crying, desperate masking his heartbreak with showmanship… until he cracks.

"She’s gone? Hahaha… That’s a funny joke!" "…Right?"

Yuma Mukami:

Yuma acts like nothing can faze him, like he's too strong to be brought down by emotions—but when someone he loves disappears? Especially someone he trusted enough to let in after everything he's been through? Oh, it wrecks him. He's not the kind of guy who knows how to process that kind of pain—so it comes out in anger, denial, destruction... and eventually, unbearable guilt.

"Oi! Where the hell are you, Sow?!" "This ain’t funny! You said you’d be here! You promised!"

Azusa Mukami:

Azusa is gentle, soft-spoken, and so painfully used to being hurt that he thinks love is supposed to come with pain. So when his girlfriend vanishes—the one person who showed him love without cruelty? He wouldn’t understand. He’d blame himself. Entirely. He wouldn’t scream; he wouldn’t get angry. He’d simply… break. Quietly. Tragically.

"Please…come back. I’m...sorry."

[modern-inheritance]

WIP Game Response

Buckle up buttercups!

@demiaseranmage tagged me in the game below, and I didn't want to clutter up the thread it was in so I've plopped it all here. And when I said it's gonna be messy, I just meant there would be a lot. It's actually really a good thing for me to scroll through everything and see what's been left on the backburner! So thank you for the tag!

Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then tag as many people as you have WIPS.

Here we go. In NO particular order, but grouped by the variety of docs I contain them all in…

Shorts 2:

Denial (requires a better title but I enjoy thinking about Egypt when I tinker with it)

“We’re finding workarounds, focusing on healing things to the state they are now rather than a full renewal. That’s not caused problems yet, but it’s…trial and error.” “Oh?” “...He thought he killed me the first try. Both of us had a bit of a breakdown.”

Short Shorts:

Again! (a frequently revisited concept that has never born actual full stories or shorts)

Voluntary Recall

Vanir

Nerves (kinda abandoned ages ago)

Standalones/Standalone documents w/ a single concept:

AXF First True (the spicy!) DONE!

Wardbreakers

Invaders Story Bits (the animatic which had to be abandoned due to file loss!)

EXA Attempts (continuously revisited as the fancy strikes)

For a Future Story

Debrief

Escape pt 2

MIC Gil'ead Bits (frequently revisited, where I keep all the actual Gil'ead stuff and concepts rather than the flashbacks and Recall episodes)

Short (this is just a random collection of bits and pieces of the time directly before Arya leaves, drawing in Brom, Oromis and Glaedr and later Rhunön to the family drama)

The Meadow (I’m not sure I like the direction this was going now that I’ve looked at Arya and Fäolin’s relationship again, but it’s a concept I will revisit I’m sure)

Fireside (holy shit I forgot about this one it’s just bits and pieces of dialogue from what I wanted to do for the MIC version of the fireside chat Eragon and Arya have in Brisingr surrounding Fäolin, her experiences in Gilead, etc. and I’mma have to look at this again later.)

Things not yet in a document:

Arya vs Unkie KiKi

The origin of Arya’s stomach scar, and the potential issues it brings up with a LOT of things but I need to do more biology and healing research

The joke of how Arya got her eyebrow scar, because hell if I know where she got it, and she ain’t tellin’ ME either!

Glenwing’s encounter with the Forsworn trained group that left him his facial scars

Eragon’s first facial scar and him wanting to keep it

Haircuts. Soooo many haircuts. 

What happened in Thornwell/Brom’s rages

So. Many. Magic system. Concepts!

The Wolfcats/Squaddies and the adventures Arya has learning to adapt like the humans do

Arya, Squaddies and The Tank

Sabotage Runs/No Man's Land Hauntings

A subset of dwarf music that is musically similar to our Bluegrass but with a bit more rough Appalachian style (thinking ‘Devil Wears a Suit and Tie by Colter Wall) and the pop of a lil bit of rough swing (‘Old man of the mountain’ by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy) and instead of being called ‘Bluegrass’ it’s a genre called ‘Slate.’ Because blue slate, bluegrass, slate is commonplace in some metamorphosed areas in the mountains…. Look I have a geology degree, I need to use it for bad jokes sometimes, and I’d love to see if this wild mix of styles would fit together musically one day.

So many interactions between Arya + Fírnen and Murtagh + Thorn. 

JEsus chrIST, Arya’s buried self hatred and guilt issues, especially surrounding Selena’s boys and their dragons

Brom’s own feelings of guilt around Arya’s imprisonment despite both of them knowing full well that he couldn’t have done anything but put himself, Eragon adn Saphira in danger if the ‘rescue’ went any other way.

‘Suffering’ from EPIC the Musical being inspiration for Arya having an induced and influenced hallucination by Durza ending with a similar vein of ‘[Arya] Fine, but only if you answer a question or two/ [Durza!Glen-Fäolin mix]: of course!/  [Arya, with a bared tooth smile] What’s my name?’

THERE ARE SO MANY MORE I PROBABLY CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER I HAD

There is so, so much of MIC that is never shown to y’all because it is never developed past the concept or in-the-brain stage, or it just falls apart, or I hit a wall, or the mojo disappears and i’ve lost the spark for that idea and can’t bring myself to just word vomit it out into the blog because I had/have a decent story set up and waiting. 

I don’t really have anyone to tag really. Not right now, but I’m definitely saving this for a new thread one day to ask all my friendly chatty people. Y’all can ask me about these, literally ANY of them. Because if you don’t there’s a fair chance they won’t ever be completed lmao.

[super-marihoes]

I haven't been drawing recently and I don't want to abandon this blog lmao so here's some headcanons. (Its mostly the bowser family)

CW: cursing and inappropriate themes

Bowser:

He wears dad glasses 👓

He's bisexual

He was a fucking menace before Junior was born, probably ran from the cops

Architecture nerd

He's got sinus issues (based on lil snotty bowser from yoshi's island)

Probably gets pegged because hes a simp

Peach:

She's also bi

Monsterfucker

The kidnappings are a publicity stunt bc she and Bowser wouldn't be allowed to be together otherwise

She was scared to be a mom at first but adopted Junior and is a proud Mama

Loves sweets

Shes peach shaped and I'm dying on that hill

Junior:

That kid has undiagnosed ADHD

Ligitimately didn't know what a mom was before Peach

Prefers to be called Junior

He has no biological mom, he was made by magic on accident

He's super smart for his age

Luigi:

That boy is gay, and i really do believe that

He and daisy have gay/lesbian solidarity

He knows about the kidnappings and the true reason behind it

Very trustworthy king

Polterpup made him less scared of ghosts

Always had an interest in the paranormal but was too scared to pursue it before Luigis Mansion

Gets overshadowed by Mario but doesn't really care

Mario:

Im gonna be honest i dont like him too much

He and Pauline are secretly together after Odyssey

The games are actaully his retelling about what happened and are sort of exhaggerated

He's actually a terrible plumber

He's got a big ego but he's working on not being an asshole

Daisy:

Thats a lesbian if I've ever seen one

In my brain she's hispanic

She's Peach's bestie and Junior's Auntie

Lives all sports and gets WAY too into it (shes just like me fr)

Bowser's golfing buddy

Scares men

Rosalina:

Shes trans 🏳️‍⚧️

Loves big ole sweaters

She, Daisy, and Peach have tea parties all the time

Some books and a cup of tea is her ideal night

Collection of big crazy earrings

Pauline:

Valentina ALLY!

She sang at Peach and Bowser's reception

Something primal inside of her wants to peg the shit out of Mario

They were exes but got back together

She said "i can fix him" but actually kinda does

Is the one that eventually tells Mario that Peach is getting sloppy toppy from a lizard

Kamek:

Who is that little gay man in the blue robe?

He's kinda crazy

He unofficially adopted Bowser

They have a very distant relationship, Kamek spoiled him with things but wasn't there very often in the emotional area (thats why hes yk like.... that)

Has a "foxy grandpa" t shirt

The Koopalings (im doing them all together):

They're Bowser’s distant family but he treated them like his niblings after their parents passed away

Ages in this order: Ludwig, Roy and Morton (twins), Wendy, Iggy, Lemmy, Larry

Ludwig and Wendy have gay/lesbian hostility (affectionate)

They each have their own instrument that they excell at

Instruments go: Ludwig- piano, Roy- bass, Morton- drums, Wendy- clarinet, Iggy- ukulele, Lemmy- the motherfucking banjo, Larry- lumatone (hes gotta be quirky and different)

Lemmy talks in sign language

Morton has brain damage (hes just like me fr)

Toadsworth:

Hes old

Took care of Peach after her parents died

He micromanages everything Peach does

He knows that his daughter is getting dicked down on the kidnappings but is in denial

DE NILE IS A RIVER IN EGYPT YOUR DAUGHTER IS A MONSTERFUCKER

He comes through in the end and supports their relationship

Thats all :)

[twistedtavern]

now I wanna hear about all your Neige aus

Honey, you've got a big storm comin

I'll give a semi detailed run through of all four bec you deserve it 🥰

Cursefic Neige: The original, hardly any different from canon Neige, the Mew of all my Neige aus. I am quite sure I am never gonna write the cursefic, but this is where all of my RSA stuff originated that I use in Shining Wonderland. He was tricked by the twisted version of Zira (who I made an RSA dorm leader) into casting a spell that would summon some random person from our world (Yuu) into Wonderland, put a love spell on them, and plop them down into Night Raven to "brighten everybody up". He fell for it, roped in all the other dorm leaders, and twisted Zira (I just called him Zeroh) and twisted Aurora turned the love spell into a curse when everybody left them unattended. Everyone in NRC went batshit insane after a while, everyone started dying, Yuu got yoinked to safety, the curse wasn't broken so Neige ended up getting yandere'd and he ended up poisoning everyone involved including himself and Yuu because holy shit they caused literally everyone at NRC to kill each other. It's kind of obvious why I won't write this fully.

Shining Wonderland Neige: Ah, yes. The real Neige. He doesn't do any of the absolute crazy shit cursefic Neige did, so we're safe now. This is the part where I made all of the lore that the other three Neiges use, which is that his mother died when he was born, his father remarried, father died, stepmother hated him and forced him to cook and clean, decided she was fed up with him when he was 10, took him to the island where Night Raven and Royal Sword were located, and then abandoned him there. Extreme denial and abandonment issues in hand, Neige found the cottage with seven orphaned dwarf children, basically raised them on his own for years (he just thinks of them as little brothers though), took up acting to support this newfound family, got famous, eventually went to RSA with his dwarf kids, met RSA!Yuu, and got assimilated into their harem. Turns out, the dwarves parents were the overblot monsters in the mine in Twisted Wonderland in the prologue and Vargas Camp, and during spring break the boys end up beating both of them and restoring the parents, Neige's abandonment issues flared up and he overblotted, he got beat, then thanked for raising the dwarves and promptly adopted into their now reunited family. Happy ending! At least until RSA!Yuu has to leave. This is the base Neige, and this exact lore is apolied unless otherwise stated with changes.

Frost Neige: Okay, so. I looked at Shining!Neige's unique magic, which is basically kissing the homies goodnight into a coma, wanted to give him a more intimidating power for the sake of his overblot, and took the snow part of Snow White very literally. I changed his power to putting people in coffins of ice that basically puts them into hypothermic shock coma until he gets them out. It then spiraled from there. I factored this power into his backstory and the abuse he suffered under his stepmother, so tw from here onward. There was an incident when Neige was about six years old where his stepmother was being especially harsh towards him for not cleaning properly, and he had an outburst that froze her in a coffin for seven days straight, and he could not get her out. From there, she called him a monster and told him a lie that it was his power that caused his mother and father to die, and made sure that he believed it. When she abandoned him and he found the dwarves, he raised them while constantly afraid that some sort of "dark side" of him would come out and hurt them. He puts out a smile and sings away the fear he constantly feels, and yet his mind only rewards him with thoughts that he is merely luring everyone close to freeze them "when the time is right". He suffers from genuine intrusive thoughts that only worsen this cycle. Please, for the love of god, someone give this boy a hug and tell him that unique magic doesn't form until WAY after the baby/toddler stage.

Icy Heart Neige: So, I looked at Frost!Neige and said "hm, what if he was ACTUALLY evil?" and this mf dragged himself out of the depths. Fear not your basic yandere, fear the motherfucker who is a platonic, parental, AND romantic yandere ALL AT ONCE. He actually stayed with his stepmother all his life, but had actually frozen her for good a few years ago and has not let her out since. She had seen potential in his power that she could use for her own gain, and thus raised Neige to do the same. He had been taught from a young age that fear and intimidation are the keys to getting what you want, especially with such a formidable unique magic. When they had eventually gone to the magic school island on a trip, Neige found the dwarves when his stepmother sent him out into the woods to not have to deal with him for a while. He came back with seven smaller children, and since she was having none of it but also didn't want Neige to whine, she told him he could keep them only if he raised them himself. I know. What the fuck. So he basically kept the dwarves like little child-pets and it was exactly as unhealthy and fucked up as it sounds. You think Kalim and Jamil's dynamic is bad? Get a load of these guys. The dwarves were Neige's only outlet and source of affection, however one-sided it was. He forces them to call him Papa (the others do not, and he is only one who considers himself to be in a fatherly position) and he calls all of them his babies, and their personalities are all a result of how they've coped with Neige's near constant presence. When they all go to RSA, he meets RSA!Yuu and shows his true colors after they come to stay at Dormalim (the Snow White dorm) and falls into a very possessive love with them. Once the dwarves' parents are found, his "babies" are promptly confiscated back to their REAL mama and papa and he absolutely fucking snaps. I don't really have a planned end for his story, but know that it isn't good for him.

Reverse!Neige: This post is already pretty long so I'll just link to this post and you can read the summary of him that I put there.

Anyways, they 😳

[womanwhoembracesfolly]

Tsumiki and Megumi childhood HeadCanons!

*some slight spoilers on what happened to Megumi’s dad

———————————————————————-

BEFORE the abandonment: 

-Megumi didn’t like Tsumiki when they first met. She was so happy... why? Like him, she only had one parent and didn’t have the nicest things. She smiled despite not having the nicest clothes, not having the nicest toys, and with not having a dad.

-They walked to school together and Tsumiki would just talk his ear off

-Megumi didn’t really warm up to her until he tripped and scraped his knee and Tsumiki’s entire cheerful demeanor changed and she went to fretting over him

-It annoyed him but at the same time... made him feel happy

-He warmed up to her gradually after that. She always checked in how he was doing as his dad started to check in less and less

-Megumi was aware that his dad didn’t care for Tsumiki’s mom as much as someone you married should, and was surprised when he found out that Tsumiki shared the same sentiments 

-Tsumiki and Megumi’s dad... she was a ray of sunshine to him of course and he... had literally no clue how to deal with it. He also didn’t like how a second grader was a better parent than him, but in the end... he knew Megumi would be in good hands 

-(If he stayed around, Tsumiki and Toji would have a relationship like Hori and her dad for Horimiya I take no arguments) 

AFTER the abandonment: 

-Megumi’s dad left first. he didn’t really understand what was happening or why his dad stopped coming to say goodnight and then stopped coming home at all

-Tsumiki was emotional over it for the sake of Megumi and her mom, and started to do little things like get Megumi small gifts when they would walk from school- little stuffed animals (the first one was a dog ofc), chocolates, candies, etc. 

-When Tsumiki’s mom left, leaving only a little money behind, Megumi expected Tsumiki to cry or shut herself in, but she didn’t. She took on the role of taking care of him and barley took care of herself. 

-He didn’t know why his non emotionally constipated sister wasn’t crying and was smiling. Why was she not showing her hurt? Her dad left her and her mom, and now her mom left her too. 

-”Don’t worry about it! She’ll be back soon!” Tsumiki had said when making breakfast for them. 

-Oh, Megumi thought, she was in denial. 

-When the denial ended, Tsumiki didn’t show any evidence of going through the other stages of grief. When he asked her about it one day, Tsumiki sighed, and looked really tired. “I saw it coming. I don’t remember my dad much, but I remember how he was in the days leading up to when he left.’ 

-”Stupid Sister,” Megumi said as Tsumiki tried to do the dishes. “Go to sleep. You suck at cleaning anyway.” 

-A year of them living alone was fine. Neither of them asked for anything too much and Tsumiki tried to hide the fact that the money was running low as a year was about to pass

-Megumi was having trouble sleeping one night and he and Tsumiki were playing hand shadows. and then. DOGS. Tsumiki screamed but then started coddling them whereas Megumi was just like shocked. 

-Megumi was confused at Tsumiki’s naivety but eventually the dogs melted into the shadows again  

-Enter creepy dude with white hair. 

-Tsumiki saw him talking to Megumi, got a broom, and attempted to whack this giraffe on the head 

-But infinity kicked in, and Gojo was invited inside to explain everything. 

-Literally everything. Tsumiki asked a lot of questions and was taking notes. If this was something Megumi would be involved in, she had to know as much as she could. They would have been more skeptical had Megumi not discovered   his technique. 

-Gojo stayed the night by accident, and woke up to Megumi and Tsumiki using the stove, cooking food etc and he wasn’t surprised that they could do this, but rather annoyed that a second grader and first grader could do this and he couldn’t. 

-When Gojo ‘officially’ became their guardian, he teleported into the house with party poppers and the certificate yelling “IM YOUR GUARDIAN!” 

-Tsumiki just was in shock for a moment before politely smiling. She was more of an adult than this teenager at this point. 

-Megumi just deadpanned and went “Why”. 

-They had a nice little dinner after that, and because Gojo would always spoil them, they both got luxuries they never had before. 

-They got like phones and ipads or ipods or whatever was the most popular product at the time. Tsumiki was so grateful and embarrassed whereas Megumi was annoyed but accepting. 

-Tsumiki and Megumi would eat dinner together, and with Gojo whenever he came 

-Tsumiki kept on trying to get Megumi to open up a lot more, and he always gets annoyed over it and will rarely ever talk about how he’s feeling

-Except that one night when Megumi had a nightmare that he was alone. Alone in the shadows, unable to summon anything to help him or comfort him, and just wandering down a dark, dark road. At one point, he entered a hall of mirrors, and he saw Tsumiki in one. He was so scared at that point that he kept on trying to get to her but she changed mirrors every time. Megumi shattered every mirror with his fists, cutting them open. In the end, all that was left was a lily flower. 

-Megumi, aged 10, woke up crying silent tears and ran into Tsumiki’s room. Tsumiki woke up, concerned but aware that her prying would get her nowhere. She sat up and Megumi hugged her so tight. He ended up sleeping in her room for the next week after that. 

-”Megumi..’ 

-” I’m gonna protect you-” 

-”i.... okay.’ 

-Tsumiki never curses... unless talking about her father, her mother, and Megumi’s dad 

-They are both aware Gojo killed him, he almost let it slip when first meeting Megumi and he relayed the info to Tsumiki. 

-One time, Gojo asked about Tsumiki’s parents. Megumi was asleep at that point and Gojo was terrified. 

-seeing the nice, angel, sunshine 12 year old he knew for years curse worse than Utahime whenever Gojo was remotely near her?? 

-Please, Tsumiki’s abandonment issues are off the chart. That’s why sometimes she gets too involved in Megumi’s life because she cannot lose him. No matter what. He’s her little brother who’ll scold her if she works too much or tries to take care of too many people. 

-Now... for some reason, I Headcanon Tsumiki has lesbian, or having at least some kind of wlw vibes. Idk why... 

-Tsumiki told Megumi first ofc, and he didn’t understand why it was a big deal. 

-”Ok and?” 

-”y-you don’t think it’s weird?” 

-”You can like who you like, it isn’t hurting anyone. If you wanna date a girl, date a girl.” 

-Tsumiki was grateful to have a brother like Megumi 

-Now as for Megumi’s possible coming out for whatever his sexuality (personally i headcanon him as pan, but this will be opened ended for whatever you headcanon) 

-Tsumiki just got so happy for him. Began researching everything about it. 

-”AWWW MEGS!!” 

-hugs. lots of hugs. Always. 

-As they got older, they started to but heads more. but despite whatever petty arguments or fights they had, at the end of the day, they loved each other and would do anything for each other. 

-and sadly... I gotta add some part of 

AFTER THE CURSE: 

-Megumi came in yelling and screaming. The denial?? He was convinced this was some prank to get him to stop fighting kids. 

-It broke Gojo’s heart. It was the most emotion he ever saw from Megumi and that kind of hysterical accusation of it being a prank soon dissolved into full on sobbing. Gojo hugged the boy as tight as Tsumiki would 

-”Never again... I’m... I’m going to get stronger. Then no curse will hurt her again... that’ll work right?” 

-Gojo patted the boy head. “Yea... it will. But it won’t be easy.” 

-Megumi’s emotions settled and he quickly wiped his tears away. His emotionless expression returned but it was different... There was more fire, more resolve, as he said “i know.” 

-Every Friday he visits Tsumiki. He tells her everything that happened in the week.

-”And then he ate it. Tsumiki he may be more naive then you. He ate the finger.” 

-When talking to Tsumiki, he reveals his ability to tell stories. Like it’s amazing. He can distinctively set up a scene  and gets a little more emotion  in his voice. 

-God Forbid if Kugisaki or Itadori ever saw him when he told Tsumiki stories

—————————————————————

WOO! This has been in my drafts for a while, so here! I hope you enjoyed!

Thanks for reading!

[petite-ely]

Afraid // JJ Maybank

five - but what if?

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader

Warnings: bad language (don’t swear kids), mention of drowning, mention of death, nightmares, mention of guns, mention of fight, did I miss something.

Description: after his reckless actions at the party, JJ is unable to sleep but he isn’t the only one still awake.

A/n : I don’t want to make this longer than it already is, I think I’ve talked enough lol. If for some reason you want to know why I’ve been gone for so long I’ve written a post regarding it. Sorry again for not posting in so long. If you want to chat, feel free to reach out. I’m friendly. :) please kindly tell me if I’ve made some mistakes, I’ve reread this like a hundred times but its possible some mistakes slipped.

Previously next

Afraid masterlist

Gif by @cobrazkai

Song recommendation

JJ Maybank was 14 years old when he first realized that he had feelings for one of his best friends. The thing is he didn’t know what the hell those feelings were. He had always thought that y/n was really pretty and he considered her to be one of her closest friends and that was it. Friends- that’s what they were.

But after years of friendship and wild adventures and basically hanging out 24/7, something felt different. And boy, did that scare him.

JJ was not the kind of person to be really in touch with his emotions. Being abandoned by his own mother and living with an abusive alcoholic father didn’t really help either. If anything, his past traumas only made him more disconnected from his emotions and feelings.

He might’ve been hot headed and impulsive but that didn’t stop him from feeling things, often even too deeply. The issue was naming the emotions he was feeling. He didn’t know what he was feeling like half of the time. So when it came to y/n, his feelings for her were so intense and unknown. He had never felt this way for anyone before. He was so confused.

Being around her felt weirdly homely and yet, he never really had a real home to come to. For him, it was only a house. It was a building with things he wasn’t really attached to and a man he couldn’t really call a father, despite DNA saying otherwise. Being with her felt warm and golden and it was like a drug he couldn’t say no to. He was constantly looking for ways to feel this specific way. It was euphoric. But he only felt this way when he was around her. And it felt like home.

She was the home he wanted to come to every freaking night. And he wanted to dance with her and have night long discussion and caress her cheeks tenderly. He wanted to kiss her more than anything else, his lips on hers staying that way until one of them needed to take a breath - oh what heavenly feeling that must be. He wanted to proclaim his feelings to the entire island - the entire world even.

Only he couldn’t. There was this rule, and he couldn’t break it. Usually, he wasn’t the kind of person to let rules determine what he should and shouldn’t do. But it was the pogue rules, he couldn’t break them. He couldn’t do that to his friends, regardless of his own feelings.

Love. That’s what his feelings were. It took him some time to realize it, but yeah, it was love. He was certain of it (which was rare for JJ). A first love, innocent, deep and one sided. At least that’s what he thought. How could she love him? How could anyone love him when even his own father didn’t? Who would want him?

Now, JJ had messed, big time.

He was sitting beneath a tree, at the edge of the yard whims the château, a few feet away from where the water started. His gaze was turned towards the sunrise though he wasn’t really looking at the magnificent show of colours that nature was offering him. He was thinking or more like regretting.

He kept replaying the event that had happened just a few hours ago on the boneyard again and again in his mind. The arrogance on John B’s face while he taunted the kooks, the empty, psychotic look on Topper’s face while he was holding J.B’s head underwater, his own hand holding the gun against Topper’s head. It felt so powerful at the moment and yet in retrospect he felt so stupid. What would he have done if something had actually happened, if someone had gotten hurt because of him?

In the spur of the moment, he hadn’t thought about it really much. How crazy it actually was. He saw his friend in a situation where he could actually die and only thought about helping him. He had this thing with him that could help save him, an object that take could take someone’s life in the matter of seconds. So he used it at his advantage. He had only wanted to help, but at what cost.

He kept picturing the expression on y/n’s face when he got the gun out. It wasn’t anger, no it was much worse, she was terrified. She had actually been scared of him. How could he ever make up for that. How he could he ever admit what he was feeling for her after he had brought her such terror. He had ruined everything.

What if she never forgot that moment? What if she never forgave him?

A branch cracked somewhere in the distance, and JJ turned to face whoever, or whatever, was lurking in the dark. He was blinded by the bright artificial light of a flashlight. “JJ?” A voice spoke and the blond immediately recognized it. Y/n.

“Can you please turn it off, I don’t think it’s necessary,” he responded, motioning to the clarity that brought the sunrise. It was light enough for them to fully see one another.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, “-she sat down beside him- “Couldn’t sleep?” JJ stared at her for a moment before taking his eyes away.

“Yeah, you could say that. What about you? John B snoring too loud?” Y/n gave a small laugh.

“Um, no, not this time.” Her smile went down. “I had a nightmare.” JJ’s brows furrowed.

“Not about um, not about tonight right?” He asked, guilt hidden in the tremors of his voice.

Images of the past night filled y/n’s mind. Her brother being held under water, JJ pulling the gun out, the loud echoing sound of the firearm as it shot in the air. She could still hear it ringing slightly in her ears.

A small moment went by before she finally shook her head in denial, earning a small sigh of relief from the blond (at least that wasn’t his fault, he already felt guilty for so many things). “No, uh, no it wasn’t that,” she said, her voice barely audible.

JJ stared at her face in the golden light of this early morning. He noticed the blank stare in her eyes and frowned. Nightmares, although worrying for most people, were pretty common for y/n. JJ of course knew this, yet something felt odd.

He rested his hand on the small part of her back between her shoulder blades. “Do you want to talk about it?” She turned her head to meet his eyes, the feeling of his skin, warm and soft against hers sending small tingles at the base of her neck.

She didn’t want to bother him with her problems, she knew how horrible his home life was compared to what she was living. She didn’t want to remind him of this not make him feel bad about her small problems when he was facing such violence on a daily basis. Still, she knew JJ and talking about his dad was the last thing he wanted to do. And his eyes, his beautiful ocean blue eyes, it’s like they could see through her. How could she lie to him?

“I, uh I-I-“ his hand went to her shoulder and he squeezed it reassuringly. “You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” Y/n felt her cheeks burning (hopefully he didn’t notice it). She took a moment to breathe in deeply the fresh air, calming herself slightly before putting her hand on his.

“No, I-I want to. I think it’ll help, in a way.” JJ cracked a sweet smile. “Alright then.”

“I keep having this one dream about my dad and I see him on his boat wandering. He’s lost in the middle of the ocean and he’s calling my name.” Saying those words, she really felt as though she could hear her father calling her name in the far distance, as if he was right beside her. Sadly, it was only her imagination playing tricks on her.

“And it keeps turning to this nightmare, where he dies in various horrible ways. Either drowned or starved or eaten by sharks.” JJ’s gaze softened, his eyes admiring her lips forming each words one after the other. “But tonight-“ she let go of his hand, shifting her body to face him completely, “-tonight, for a reason, I didn’t see him.”

“The boat was empty.”

Flashes of her nightmare came back to her like waves crashing on the beach. Her dad on his boat, a smile sketched on his lips. The sky is clear blue, not a cloud is in sight. There’s a warm breeze, she can almost feel it on her skin, and the sun is shining. It’s almost utopian, the perfect day to spend out in the sea.

Then the scene changes. The sky darkens to a deeper shade of blue, grey clouds towering the ocean. The wind is stronger, much stronger. It whistles as it makes its way in the crevices between each tree and threatens to tear the sails down. And the boat, she can see it floating hauntingly on the wild waves the same way a ghost would in abandoned castle. And there’s no trace of her father. Not even a feeling, that would tell her he’s there, trying to survive this storm.

“What if he really is gone J? What if my dad-“ she stopped her sentence to look at the horizon, somehow hoping to see a sign that would prove she was wrong. “I’m trying so hard to be positive and optimistic, but it’s been so long. What if he never comes back?”

The look in her eyes was heart-wrenching. JJ didn’t know what to say or do. He never really thought about it. What would happen if Big John was gone. To be honest he didn’t want to, that man was more of father to him than his own ever was. And losing him would be... he preferred not to think about it.

“I disagree,” he finally said. “What?” “Your dad is like one of the smartest person I’ve ever known. I think that, he, of all people would know how to get out of any situation, especially if it seems impossible to everyone else. I don’t think that you should give up on him yet.”

“You really think so?”

“Yes, I do,” he smiled. “So fuck everyone who tells you otherwise,“ y/n giggled. “Fuck all of them! You’re allowed to have hope, y/n, even after this much time. They can’t take that from you.”

“In the meantime, we’ll there’s us,” us, “the pogues, our own family. We can get through anything, right?”

“Yeah, we can.” Y/n’s head fell on his shoulder. “We’re the pogues.”

JJ admired her carefully. How her face looked, basked in the golden rays of the sun, looking so terribly tired and yet so beautiful. He could stay like this forever, losing himself completely in her smile. God she was so wonderful.

“Hey y/n/n?” “Yeah?” “Are you mad at me?” “Huh?”

“Why would I be ma- oh, oh.” The gun. He thought she was mad at him for what he did. Though he saved her brother, didn’t he? So, she didn’t understand why he would think she could hate him.

“It’s just that you looked so terrified when-” “You saved him JJ, that’s what matters most.” Y/n interrupted the boy mid sentence, placing her hand on his arm in gratitude. “If you hadn’t done anything, he could have...” she didn’t finish her sentence.

When she saw JJ holding the firearm against Topper’s head just a few hours ago, she had first been incredibly shocked. She didn’t recognize the JJ she knew. But now, she completely understood. It was his way of protecting his friends, his way of showing he cared. And that, she admired him for it. Though he could’ve shown it in a less dangerous way.

“I admit,” she added, “it was dangerous and a bit scary to see and we’re probably gonna get some kind of revenge from the kooks soon, but no one got hurt. And J.B, well he’s okay! We’re all okay!”

“Also, I’m pretty sure I did some very, very stupid things last night, so I can’t really be mad at you,” she cringed remembering the amount of alcohol influenced things she had said and done during the party. “God, I must have looked so ridiculous.”

JJ laughed at her comment. “Yes, yes you did.” “Man, John B was right, I can’t believe I’m saying this.”

“Can you just promise me something?” Asked y/n, once their laughter had died. “Depends what?”

“Promise me you’ll never hurt yourself with that thing, or anyone else for that matter.”

“I promise, y/n. ”

“Thank you.”

Taglist

@deionswannabegirl @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @poguestyle17 @im-a-stranger-thing @lasnaro @thoughtsofthestars @briandaflores19 @lunaposey @allycat449-blog @ifilwtmfc @kitty084 @coloradogirl07 @ponyboys-sunsets @chaoticbisous @p0gue420 @sloaneemily

If I forgot you or if you wanna be added/removed just tell me! Also I’m sorry if your name didn’t work :/

[somuch-4-stardust]

okay <3 today we r talking abt headcanons i hate!!! umm none of these have any basis i just dont like them i think they r wrong <3 obviously i dont hate people who enjoy these hc do whatever u want have fun etc etc etc i am not attacking u specifically

starting off w one of my least favorites. cwilbur is NOT transfem!! he is intesex and transmasc (source: me)!!!. all the minors in the server are NOT friends u cant just push cpurpled into a group w benchtrio bc they r all minors??????? (<- im totally about to do exactly that in a sec when i talk abt hc i do like. the real reason is i think cpurpled and cranboo would hate each other ^-^) ctommy DOES have wings BUT they r gold and if u say anything else ur WRONG!!! ctommy was not nine during the first lmanburg war!! cranboo and ctechno are not that close (<- this is actually kinda canon i do not care tho let me be in denial) ctommy is not the token straight please stop saying hes the token straight if he heard you he would be sad (<- on that topic. transfem ctommy is acceptable. i have to put it here bc im not putting it in the 'my fav hc' category but i think it needs to be said) ckarl and cghostbur are not as stupid as u guys make them out. ctechno is not the middle child he is not the middle child U R WRONG!! ctommy also was not focused on saving lmanburg bc 'omg city where ppl live im a hero' and more 'thats. my house bro also i dont want to die' hes not as selfless as u think!! hes also stupid like ctommy is genuinely just an idiot

and now. for loving <3 cpurpled and ctommy are qpps and they live together in cpurpleds ufo which is definitely totally not blown up. ctommy listens to saint bernard by lincoln too much. ctubbo and ctommy are not on speaking terms and honestly it hasnt upset either of them. ctechno is in that stage of trans where he like doesnt mind he/him prns and doesnt care enough to change prns. csbi totally is real and also includes hannah and niki and sally is married to niki and yes sally is a fish niki is like. a mermaid or whatever but sally is literally just a salmon. ctechno and cwilbur and ctommy and cniki and channah and probably csally are all autistic. cpurpled is autistic too but denies it bc 'really is it a big deal any way' ummm cquackity has a touch of the tism too mayhaps. oh and cslime is autistic. anyways back to cpurpled. he is a transman and also refuses to dye his hair purple bc hes an asshole and also he has abandonment issues bc i mean look at him. cniki is the coolest transfemme ever. ctommy is a pretty girl but hes a boy. cghostbur and lmanburg and alivebur and revivedbur and stuff all have different pronouns. they all listen to los campesinos actually los camp is always playing on the server and if for some reason not a single person was thinking abt los camp the whole place would blow up boom boom. ctommy is missing a limb or too (part of his hand, his foot, a little bit of the back of his head/skull, his ear) ctechno gives people he likes gold. like a lot of gold like his family just ended up w huge ass collections of gold jewelry. ctommy uses only neos but doesnt care enough to correct ppl cuz like ITS ALOT OF WORK U KNOW ITS NOT A BIG DEAL. cdream isnt transphobic but also did misgender ctommy on purpose in exile. ctommy had raccoon ears and tail which was. quite the combo w the wings. in the csbi family the order, eldest to youngest was: kristin, phil (<- obviously. they r old haha point and laugh) techno, wilbur, niki, hannah, tommy. cpurpled does kill people in cold blood and he isnt bothered by it for the most part. calyssa is transmasc. ctommy bites people. cbbh is evil but also dad shaped. ctommy is scared of swimming.

[virtueangel]

limitless.

chapter two.

wc: 2,337. original publish date: october 3, 2020.

"'And oh, Aunt Em! I'm so glad to be home again!' The end," Van Gogh finishes, closing the children's book and setting it on the table.

"That wasn't a bedtime story!" JFK protests.

"I didn't know that!" Van Gogh volleys.

"What do you mean you didn't know that? Everyone knows The Wizard of Oz!"

Van Gogh shakes his head, almost apologetically. "Clearly not everyone," he mumbles.

Kennedy sits up, a bit taken aback. "You mean you've never read The Wizard of Oz?"

Gogh shakes his head, sliding the book off the table and stroking the cover. The yellow finished cardboard is bumpy beneath his fingernails, and it makes a low scraping sound.

"Surely you've heard of it?" JFK asks, eyebrows furrowing.

"No," Van Gogh admits, feeling defeated.

Kennedy unwraps himself from the blanket and sits up, scooting across the bed to console his best friend. He puts a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder, but it is only shaken off. His kind gesture and caring attitude deflate like a released balloon.

"I thought every children's book was a bedtime story."

"Nah, but every children's story has a moral," JFK offers.

"How do you know that? Can't imagine heartless ol' JFK reading a picture book. I can't even imagine him as  toddler."

Kennedy graciously ignores the first part of Gogh's comment. "My dads used to read them to me when I was a kid."

Van Gogh's smile falls, but thankfully JFK can't see because he's looking down at the book. He runs his fingers over the words, printed in accented letters, shiny and blue. "I bought this book when I was fourteen years old," he admits.

"You bought it for yourself?"

Van Gogh nods, still entranced by the golden-yellow cover of the children's book. "I liked the artwork," he explains, looking up at his best friend now.

Kennedy scoots away from Van Gogh, falsely assuming his work as Supportive Best Friend is through. "You would. It's all oil pastels and shiny objects -- very girly."

Gogh rolls his eyes. "Not all artwork is girly."

"No," JFK agrees, "just the artwork you like."

Van Gogh shoves the boy, not sorry when he hits his head on the wall.

"Hey!" He bellows, rubbing the back of his head vigorously.

"You deserved that," Van Gogh snaps, standing up to slide the book back into its rightful place on the shelf. "Do you ever get tired of your own voice?"

"Um... no?" Kennedy replies, laughing at his own answer.

Van Gogh runs a hand through his vibrant orange hair in exasperation. He snaps the pristine white bandage wrapped around his head, tied there to put pressure on his self-amputated ear in hopes to relieve some of the pain. It works most days, except when there are loud noises -- like on Friday nights when there are sports games and the streets flood with intoxicated teenagers who insist on letting their excitement out through violence. JFK used to be amongst those alcohol-ridden invalids. He's not anymore, but Van Gogh can't figure out why he changed.

But he's still an arrogant, egotistical asshole nonetheless.

Van Gogh scoffs, tempted to shove the boy again, but decides not to because it may escalate into a fight. Gogh would lose. He loses against everyone, his five-foot-five stature doing him not favours. He knows Kennedy could pin him to the ground in three seconds. His shoulders tense just thinking about it and the illusion of pain makes his bad -- or rather, nonexistent -- ear throb. He raises his hand reflexively, rubbing the side of his head over the bandage.

"Does it hurt?" JFK asks, suddenly dropping his macho-jock façade.

Van Gogh bats his best friend's hand away almost instinctively. "I'm fine. Sorry. It just rings sometimes. No big deal."

"Sounds like a big deal."

"Well it's not, okay? I said I'm fine, so I'm fine," Gogh replies.

JFK holds his hands up in surrender. "Jesus Christ, I was only trying to help."

"I appreciate that," Van Gogh sighs. He looks up at Kennedy and opens his mouth like he has a follow-up, but nothing comes out. He closes his mouth and looks away. JFK raises an eyebrow, having noticed the boy's jaw, but doesn't press. He wouldn't want to push his best friend over the edge. God knows he's already so close to the cusp of a fall anyway.

"Your parents coming home soon?" Kennedy asks, reaching for small talk.

Gogh shrugs, eyes fixed on his shoes. He wears black Keds with white toe-tips. The laces are tied in tight bows and are as pristinely white as all of his other possessions -- he'd expect no less from himself. "Who cares?"

"You can't stay here alone on a Friday night," Kennedy says.

"That's why you're here, dipshit," Van Gogh rolls his eyes.

"No, I mean-" JFK sighs. "The whole night. You can't sleep in this house all by yourself."

"Why not?" Gogh asks, looking up at JFK now. The rims of his eyes are red and his jaw is tensed.

JFK huffs, sure the boy is just being difficult now. "Because."

"Because why? Adults do it all the time."

"You're not an adult, Gogh. You're sixteen."

"So?" He spits. "You're sixteen and your dads let you do whatever -- whomever -- the hell you please!"

"This isn't about me, Van Gogh, it's about you and your apparent abandonment issues!"

"I don't have abandonment issues!" He means it to come as an angry denial, but it comes out as a scared protest instead. He tries again, steadying his voice. "I don't have abandonment issues."

JFK shakes his head and raises himself off the bed. "I don't have time for this. Do you want me here or not?"

Van Gogh pulls his socked feet onto the chair and crosses his arms over his chest. His absence of an ear throbs again and it skews his hearing, but he doesn't let on. He's so tired of this up and down with JFK -- they fight, Gogh falls into a vulnerable state, Kennedy drops the argument to console him, Gogh says he's fine, and the cycle repeats. Either they're fighting or they're not. I can't be held hostage by my mental illness, Gogh thinks. I won't be made into a fool.

"Not," he swallows the word, his voice nearly cracking.

"Gogh..." Kennedy says, dropping his attitude.

Gogh wipes at his face, trying to play it off as swiping away mucus from a cold-caused runny nose. "I'll be okay, Kennedy."

Kennedy stands in the doorway, one hand on the smooth white trim -- as pristine as the rest of the room -- and the other hand limp by his side. He turns around to look at Van Gogh, who won't meet his gaze, and thinks of crossing the room to him. He looks so small on that wooden chair, his plain bed made up with hospital corners and brand-new-car-tidy floor filling up with absence. JFK wants to stay with his best friend to make the room feel smaller, to make the house feel fuller, but he knows when to stop pushing. Sometimes it hurts to be edged out of Van Gogh's life... but then again, he's used to it. He's used to being treated as the boy's second choice because sometimes it's easier to confide in a stranger than a lifelong friend. Kennedy doesn't know, but he understands, and sometimes that has to be good enough.

JFK drops his hand from the trim of the doorway and turns back around to face the hallway. He walks between the walls as they close in on him, creating a suffocating ocean with their murky blue hue. He exits the house without glancing back at Van Gogh, forgetting to wonder if he'll be okay. He hates sports games because they make his ears ring, Kennedy reminds himself. Being there won't stop that.

***

John F. Kennedy walks through the door of his house at precisely 8:32pm. His foster dads are both sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket with each other, watching a movie that must be pretty damn entertaining with the way they keep giggling. John hates it when people giggle -- the sound reminds him of butterflies, light and airy and so fragile it can't help but be crushed. "Giggle" is a gross word, too. It's made up of all the letters that no one likes to read to form sounds that no one wants to hear. Well, actually, that's not true -- plenty of people like the letters; they're just too predictably common for JFK to enjoy.

"Dads, I'm home," John announces halfheartedly. His parents are so absorbed in the television show that they barely look up -- maybe that's for the best. Arguing with Van Gogh never leaves Kennedy in a very chipper mood.

He sulks up the stairs to his bedroom, gripping the wooden railing firmly in his ascent. He tries to make a point of stomping just so his dads will turn his way -- he's not in the mood for talking, but he's accustomed to demanding attention.

John flops down on his bed -- it's king-size which means it takes up the majority of the room, but Exclamation!'s biggest playboy has got to decorate his bedroom for the aesthetic somehow. Kennedy's phone buzzes and when the screen illuminates with the name Cleo printed in thin white letters, he almost smiles, but remembers he's still blowing her off. He can't figure out why; most nights he would be ecstatic to whisper sweet little nothings in her ear. He starts to feel bad about ignoring her, but then remembers that she isn't his girlfriend -- he doesn't owe her anything. And even if he did, everyone's expectations of him are so low that even the bare minimum is seen as a prayer answered by god themselves.

He means to only flip his phone over to hide the screen, but he accidentally pushes it off the edge of the bed. It bounces on the carpet, landing corner-first, but JFK is too tired to care about whether or not the screen is cracked. He rolls over onto his back, folding his arms over his stomach and staring at the ceiling, his eyes unfocused. His head starts to rush -- possibly from the cold air intruding his bedroom from the open window, or more likely from emotional strain. He replays through the day, memories of Cleo's hand grasping his bicep and him leaving her alone to go help Van Gogh. Everyone always wants a piece of John F. Kennedy. He never meets anyone's expectations, and yet, everyone religiously seeks his approval.

"Fuck them for relying on me as their source of entertainment," he mutters up at the ceiling. "I wish no one in this goddamn town knew me at all."

And yet, there's still one person exempt from the statement. Sure, everyone in Exclamation! is mushy-headed and smooth-brained, but going to high school here is a pit stop in JFK's life, and a vital one. Because while 99.8% of the Clone High student body give Kennedy a stomachache, there's still 0.2% to be taken out of the perfect whole.

JFK rolls -- no, literally rolls -- off of his king mattress to reunite himself with his phone. He taps the screen, lighting the machine to life. He slides away the "missed call" notification, erasing Cleo's name from his home screen. He unlocks the device and taps on a contact, which speed dials a certain someone wallowing in their room on the other side of town.

The phone goes to voicemail once, twice, but Kennedy doesn't give up. He knows the boy is receiving his calls -- it's not like he wants to be alone on a Friday night.

But then again, he might be drawing or painting or reading a book or doing homework or-

Van Gogh picks up on the second ring of the third call. "Leave me alone, JFK. I'm busy."

"Doing what?"

The line goes silent as Van Gogh fishes for an answer. He comes up short. "Look, I told you to leave because you upset me-"

"Let's go on a trip," Kennedy suggests, intentionally cutting off his best friend to avoid an uncomfortable conversation that would probably result in tears, yelling, or both.

"What?"

"Let's leave Exclamation!. I'm tired of it here, and I know you're not too crazy about it either."

The line goes silent again as Van Gogh hesitates. "Kennedy, that's absurd."

"How do you figure? It's not like your parents would miss you," he replies without realising how it sounds.

Thankfully, Van Gogh doesn't comment on it. If he's hurt by his best friend's words, he doesn't let on. "But we have school..."

"I don't care about school."

"But I do," he says, icicles freezing over his voice.

"Please, Gogh? I need a break from it all."

"What do you need a break from? You're everyone's favourite jock. Scudworth loves you. You're somehow pulling straight As even though you never do your work... I'm betting you're banging one or all of your teachers."

"I am not banging all of my teachers!" Kennedy exclaims defensively.

Van Gogh smirks through the phone. "But you are banging one."

JFK shakes off the boy's words. How does the point always manage to get away from him? "I know you're unhappy, Van Gogh."

"That's an understatement," he scoffs.

"Right. Well, don't you want to explore the world?"

Van Gogh doesn't respond.

"Draw? Read? Write?"

JFK still isn't selling him.

"Paint?" Kennedy tries one last futile hope.

Gogh's ears -- ear -- perks up. "Paint the whole world?"

"Well, we'd only be visiting a little at a time-"

"Okay," he replies too hastily, cutting off his friend. He swallows, running a hand through his hair to smooth it down as if the boy can see him through the phone. His fingers snag on the bandage again. He gives up. "Okay. Let's go on a road trip."

"You mean it?"

"Sure." Van Gogh can hear Kennedy smiling through the phone, his expression melting like honey and dripping down the line. "Why the hell not?"

[ziracona]

please bless me with all of your dbd headcanons even just a crumb would satisfy me,,,,, lmao. Fr tho ur hcs are godly pls give me all of them especially for og 4 and wraif

Thank you!! I’m glad you like my hot takes!

Let’s see, og4.

Jake grows facial hair pretty easy (that part is just canon). Usually he either lets it grow and ignores it till it gets long, or stays cleanshaven, but the in-between stage is physically painful for everyone else at the campfire bc you wake up and see rugged 2day scruffy woodsman stretch and he sees you staring and goes, “What?” Looking thoroughly unimpressed and Meg sheds a tear and Claudette pretends to not be looking and stares at her journal and Dwight gets heart palpitations it’s just bad for the whole group. When he shaves he’s an edgy dumbass and does it with a sharpened hunk of metal he made into a knife for himself and Dwight saw him shaving once and had to go sit down.

Jake has a soft spot for many of the survivors he’s known longer (honestly at this point, he’s pretty attached to the lot of them though), but especially the ones who work really hard at protecting other survivors. Double points if you’re younger than him. He would kill for Claudette, and take a bullet meant for Quentin, but would not convey this to them at all. Jake puts almost zero effort into making sure people knows he likes them. The people he has a soft spot for especially are also not always the ones he prefers to spend time with. While they’re survivors he spends less time with personally, Jake respects Feng Min for being the snarky little gremlin she is, and Tapp’s dedication to his job even here. Weirdly, while the people he likes often aren’t aware of affection, the ones he respects but isn’t as close to usually are aware of the respect. Jake also thinks he doesn’t like having friends and spending time not alone, but he does.

If asked point blank his thoughts on a survivor he likes, he’d probably just shrug or say, “They contribute to the team,” or “She works hard,” or “He’s fine,” because Jake just be like that. He had a hard time getting close to anyone initially because of how he grew up. Jake’s very guarded. He’s used to people manipulating and using each other, which makes keeping anything vulnerable close to his chest just necessary as he sees it. Boy doesn’t trust easy. Or open up. Ya need a can opener. Boy also does not like getting pushed around. Least favorite killers (aside from Nightmare) are probably Doctor and Ghostface, because he cannot stand being forced to do things or used. He’d rather take a chainsaw to the back than have someone lord power over him. He’s also got a looong memory, so if you fuck him over, he is not the kind to forget and forgive. He is the kind to resent and remember. Not that he never forgives people, but boy would have to really believe whatever happened was regretted and the person wasn’t like that anymore to let something that made him very angry go. He’s quiet angry though. Bide your time and get vengeance kinda angry. Would never let someone push him around. If a killer tried to fuck with him, he’d do everything in his power to kill them.

While Jake is tough and likes to hike just to be out and moving, and enjoys toughing it out, Meg enjoys being outside more as a fun thing than a wildnerness lifestyle thing. She has a lot of energy, and even in the realm, all that adhd can be a bitch. It would be easy to focus on the shitty stuff happening and drown in that, so she likes to keep moving, like she has since she was a kid and started running. Meg loves hard, and if she cares about you, she’ll make sure you know it. Not good at shutting up or realizing if she’s been going on for too long, girl has passion for everything.

Meg talks a big game, but does not have as much confidence as she pretends to have. She has abandonment issues, but they’re less, ‘my dad abandoned me’ and more ‘everyone but my mom, from him to grade school friends, hasn’t stuck around,’ so she does worry about that and coming on too strong, which she is aware she often does, but she can’t get herself to turn down the power settings on herself even when she tries. She’s never been good at making friends, so all of this in the realm is kinda new to her, since no one can leave. Meg would tell almost no one those things about herself. She cares hard though, and will try to distract other people from realm despair any way she can, because it’s what she needs and she assumes what they must need too. And to be fair, she ain’t wrong. Good at cultivating activities and drinks loving her friends juice.

Big goofball. BIG goofball. Also big gay. Well, bi af, but w a pretty strong preference for the ladies. She is simple of heart. Sees a girl, loses ability to think. Bonded with Nea over this problem. High int, low wisdom, big dumbass. Her weaknesses include girls’ eyes, voices, accents, freckles, scars, stomachs, legs, ass, titties, hair, hair dye, laughs, hands, eye contact, and cute accessories. Not great at expressing her feelings when she catches them, but tries hard. Actually pretty good at romancing once she gets into the groove. It’s just getting there she sucks at. Loyal as hell. Will go to bat for her friends and would rather die than betray them.

Meg has a real temper, especially when she feels like something being done to her or someone else is unjust/unfair, and will always try to fix those things even when it’s hopeless. Can and will weaponize her anger extremely effectively. Ridiculous memory for pop culture, shit memory for homework and things she was supposed to be doing. Memelord, but with some class.

Idk if this is because I identified with Claudette really strongly when I first started playing dbd or not, but I have always seen her as Asexual & Panromantic. Attracted to kindness. 

She gets overwhelmed fairly easily, but has been improving that by necessity since arriving in the realm, and can tap into the mom-friend override to fix problems for people who aren’t her. Has a hard time telling when people are teasing her/joking, but everyone knows this so they take it easier on her than each other.

Like Meg, had no friends before this, so it’s exciting and new, and a little scary, but mostly really good. She worries about other people a lot, and doesn’t always know how to help, but she tries. Very relieved Dwight volunteered to be team leader.

Enjoys recording things and studying. Would be fascinated by the Entity’s world if she wasn’t always being killed. Seems small and weak and easy to take down, but she has the strength of will to kill God herself if backed into a corner, especially when fighting for someone she loves. Sweet does not mean she will not fight back, and since being in the realm, and getting over her initial freezing up at the sight of horrifying murderers, she has worked extremely hard to be brave and take an active roll protecting people whenever she can. She is still terrified a lot, but has learned to push through that to help her friends and herself.

Loves animals, including ones a lot of people don’t like (bugs, snakes, rats, etc) and would and has definitely tried to snag a scorpion and a cockroach from trials to study before, and tried to befriend the realm rats now that they exist. Tries to get Jake to show her how to get birds to like you but does know how to ask him right.

Nervous about interpersonal relationships and unsure of herself. Really likes everyone but horrible at telling how other people feel. Feels like she always comes off wrong and can’t put words to things well even when she understands them super well. Does her best 24/7. Incredibly smart and talented. Knowledgeable about her passions. Is always thinking 4th dimensionally and has saved the team many a time by pulling off wild bullshit that makes sense kind of just barely but no one else would have thought of.

Dwight was a loser and kind of a douche growing up, kind of selfish and entitled and weak, but is no longer that person after a few years in the realm. He works hard to make good on his promises to look out for everyone, and cares about them very genuinely. Great at thinking on his feet and sounding like he knows more than he does, wonderful at regulating tasks to people efficiently, and not a bad strategist. 

Being the kind of person now who would not have liked the person he was a few years ago causes a little cognitive dissonance and self-doubt, but he’s trying. Genuinely enjoys hearing about people’s days and interests even when he’s completely lost. 

Not a fan of heights. If the fear of heights was not vastly overpowered by fear of sharp object, he would actively avoid the old ironworks in trials, but alas.

Used to play video games a lot. Thought he was good at them. Was not. Was definitely not.

Self-improvement king. Works hard and is a really decent dude. A very good sport. Used to be an asshole, so now that he’s nice he’s pretty damn forgiving if other people put in the work to improve too (my boy’s no hypocrite). Has mellowed out a lot and is pretty chill and nice but the damn fool will break his own heart by taking things people say the wrong way, or things they mean as a joke literally, if it’s something he thinks is true about himself, and will totally miss context and vocal inflection and just be like, “I know but I’m trying TuT.”

Big gay but in denial and confused

Just at this point really does want people to get to go home and be ok. Loves hearing stories and listening to his friends talk at the campfire because it makes him feel like things might be okay. Get the same result just by being near his friends, especially the other og3 who have been with him forever. If they’re all still there, things have to turn out okay someday. :’ ) Has never really told them that, because he’s supposed to be the leader, and thinks they’d feel less secure if they knew he depends on being able to sleep close to them at night to feel like he’ll be okay himself. Not in a they’d judge me way, but in a I really don’t want to let them down way. He wants them to think he’s got a handle on things even when he really doesn’t.

I was gonna do Philip too but I got this this morning and this post is already ridiculously long TuT, so here you go. Plus one mini Philip one.

Philip feels responsible for the young man he saw his boss kill the day the Entity got him. He knows that he killed scores of people unknowingly for Azarov, and those weigh, but he thinks sometimes late at night that if he could have just saved that one, it might have been enough to make him feel absolved someday for all the other deaths on his head. He remembers his face very well, and how terrified he was, and the moment of confusion and relief, and almost gratefulness when Philip let him go. He thinks over and over that if he’d just talked to him–assumed something was up, and gotten him to be quiet. Seen Azarov in time and stopped him. So many little things, and the young man would have lived. Even if the others were things he was completely blind to, he feels like that one is especially his fault, and that he could have stopped it. That one really haunts him.

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “Astro B.O.Y.D.!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Ben Siemon, Bob Snow

Written by: Christian Magalhaes

Storyboard by: Sam King, Kathryn Marusik, Rachel Paek, Stephan Park

Directed by: Jason Zurek

涼しい!

This is supposed to be the Huey season, and this time, we finally get an episode focused solely on the red sibling. In fact, the blue and green siblings don't even appear in this episode beyond Huey mentioning "the brothers" one time. We already start off with an issue Huey seems to have: he's so by the book, that at the Junior Woodchuck's celebration of National S'more Day, he has to specifically measure the graham cracker to marshmallow combo.

This overly specific measuring is made fun of by a bully who bares a striking resemblance to one of the Beagle Boys. The credits call him "Bully Beagle", though he doesn't appear long enough to reveal any kind of connection to them besides his looks. He does appear long enough to compare Huey to a robot, as he marvels at his own concoction that features many marshmallows and some donuts stuck between them. Everyone else laughs, because even a Beagle Boy is more relatable than him.

Definitely not speaking of robots, we get to see the return of Boyd, who is definitely a real boy and wants to be friends with Huey. To Huey's delight, he shows his true knowledge by commenting that his S'mores stick is cut perfectly to Woodchuck guidelines, and knows a guideline so well that he's able to speak it at the same time as Huey. It's no wonder that he's an expert with the way of the Junior Woodchucks, saying that he practically has it downloaded to his head!

Relieved to see another boy who follows the Woodchuck guidebook cover to cover, he tells Boyd to ready the fire for some by-the-book s'mores making. With all of those specific denials, even the people who didn't see his debut episode can repeat in their heads, "he's going to shoot lasers, he's going to shoot lasers, he's going to shoot lasers..."

Yup, he shot lasers. Thankfully, Huey has his back turned, claiming that their totally non-robotic and yet rule following selves make them a rare breed. Unfortunately, “rare breed” ended up causing a glitch in Boyd's memory banks, causing him to use his laser eyes in a way Huey couldn’t ignore, causing a fire. In a forest. Smokey Bear wouldn’t be too happy about how much this gets brushed off.

Huey makes it to Gyro's underwater lab, apparently keeping Boyd's eyes closed the entire time, to talk to Dr. Gearloose about that laser eye problem. Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera, the intern, tells him that he's a scientist, and he should be able to help...until Boyd opens his eyes and has lasers tear through one of the windows, which Manny the Headless Man-Horse has to lock up with metal doors.

He is at least ready enough to give him red sunglasses that stop the lasers, just like that character that Disney may or may not have the film rights to. Fenton decides to elevate this to Dr. Gearloose, who reveals that he has a connection to Boyd...

...as revealed by him backing away in fear.

Gyro: Manny, get this dangerous machine out of my lab!

Manny: (morses) Which one?

This is an actual second joke from Manny the Headless Man-Horse, even if it should be pretty clear which of the inevitably dangerous machines he's talking about.

Revealing his actual name to be 2BO, Gearloose tells Huey that he was one of his failed experiments. Or, rather, it was one of his failed experiments. Right from his very first interaction, it's clear there's a huge contrast between Gyro Gearloose's relation with what is essentially his own child and Huey's new friendship. The C3PO-like name, and him using pronouns more fitting for objects.

Huey does call out a few things about Gyro's behavior, and one of them is that he's usually saying that the inventions that were actively trying to kill people are just "wildly misunderstood." However, Gyro just knows 2BO is different, and this sudden personality change will be justified later. However, he does seem to have a sort of soft spot for the bad robot, as he offers a fix for that thing's problems. Unfortunately, he needs more fitting equipment than what he has in this lab, and the only place that would have it is the lab of his old mentor...in Japan.

No time for an opening, just the logo in Japanese and that's it. That's right, they're going to Tokyo, Japan, or Tokyolk, Japan. Not sure how to put that in kanji.

As soon as they land in Tokyolk, Gyro immediately gets slammed to a car by Inspector Tezuka. Besides the homage to Astro Boy creator Osamu Tezuka in her name, she's totally supposed to be Inspector Zenigata from Lupin The 3rd. A person who even looks like the titular guy Zenigata was chasing after cameos throughout this episode, but she has far more pressing matters at her hands, like capturing the crook that was making killer robots that destroy cities. As soon as one potential killer robot nearly gets caught, Lil Bulb distracts her with some binary graffiti and itself, and they run off to the lab.

Using GizmoDuck to break through the now abandoned old lab, him showing off he can partially transform with just the word “Blath”, Boyd can't help but say how familiar this place is. The intern just can't help but check out his boss's old stuff, too, putting on his old lab coat and looking at dusty microscopes.

Using the equipment, Gyro hooks Boyd up to a chair. To stop his malfunctioning for good, Gyro has to search through his memory banks to find his core. This means we get to see his past memories from reverse order, Memento style. It's not necessarily Rashomon style, but maybe that's just not how I remembered it.

We get to see Boyd's last two owners. Along with Doofus Drake, who is trying to ruin his mother's pearls, we see Mark Beaks, the guy that was trying to pass off Boyd as his, um . I must say, while it's not surprising that Mark Beaks didn't invent him like he said he did, as that's just his shtick for the last two seasons, it is a wonder that Boyd just happened to look exactly like a young version of him even before Mark Beaks took him in.

However, even an evil crook like Mark Beaks knew that 2BO is a sorry name for a little kid robot, and he was the one that would give him something close to a real name. He also didn't want to even touch him, never mind give him a hug, but he is at least smart enough to not touch garbage. By the way, that line about not touching really aged well, didn't it?

Gyro even reminds us of this contrast, as Huey remarks that Boyd must have had a terrible life living with a creep and a crook. Gyro simply remarks,

Gyro: It doesn't feel anything!

Interesting to have him be in the shadows in that shot, too, as if to show that he's the person with the wrong opinions here. This robot hatred ended up being so blatant, that Lil Bulb shorts out. This ends up distracting Gyro, leading to Fenton to come up with his own plan for Boyd: make him a superhero! It's a good time to do that, as Fenton's GizmoDuck arm notifies him of a robbery. They run off, not noticing that the security cameras happen to be on. Hmm, it is rather curious that this old lab still seems to have working equipment, as if the electricity bill is still getting paid.

As soon as those security cameras are shown, that bill payer is revealed to be Dr. Akita, the mentor of Gyro Gearloose, and the one scientist Gyro himself has interned for. We did see little glimpses of him in Boyd's memory glitch from the opening scene, but this is the first time we get to hear him speak. Anyone can guess he's evil; not only is he staring evilly at his old intern walking into his building, he's revealed to have an anime avatar on his computer. Ooh, the true mark of evil!

We cut to that robbery from earlier, as two pigs are about to be chased by two different cops. Wait, that shouldn't be right. Kind of missing the opportunity for Fenton to shout "thering Blatherskite", but it leads to a cool chase scene nonetheless, with GizmoDuck rolling around, and Boyd using his robotic biking abilities to bike across walls. GizmoDuck ends up capturing one of the bad guys, but the other?

Well, Fenton didn’t really get to the “what to do with the criminal after they get cornered” part, so Boyd politely asks her to take back that money that she obviously must have taken by mistake. Of course, she does not oblige. GizmoDuck does give him a pointer that the standing down should come after the criminal gets dealt with, but Boyd simply doesn’t want to hurt people. Well, so much for that plan.

It's here where Gyro fixes up Lil Bulb, and realizes that Fenton, the kid, and the not-so-kid are gone.

Gyro: IN-TEEEEERN!

Uh oh, Spaghetti-O's! That is kind of a note to Gyro's character, too. He doesn't call his intern by his name, either, and it seems he would use it pronouns for him if he could get away with it.

The next day, while Inspector Tezuka reveals that she caught the other burglar and will give that guy in the robot suit a stern talking to, Boyd would rather enjoy the sights of Tokyolk than go back to the lab again. Oh no, back to the lab again. You messed up, back to the lab again. ...sorry, that song will forever be stuck in my head.

Anyway, it's montage time! Not every scene has a joke about Boyd being "wired a little differently", as Huey put it earlier in the episode, as there are some relatively normal scenes sprinkled with Boyd literally sucking up bowls of Udon like a vacuum cleaner. I do mean literally, and I always mean literally.

It all ends with Huey on the observation area of Tokyolk Tower, remarking that hanging out with him proves that he's not a killer robot. Apparently, that's the best thing anyone has ever said to him, and that's sadly fitting considering his last three owners. As Huey puts his picture in the JWD, the wind blows it away. Huey grabs it, only to lose his footing on the tower, falling from it.

Left with no choice, Boyd had to show off one of his killer robot abilities again, but this time to prevent an accidental killing: his rocket feet! Unfortunately, they run into Gyro Gearloose, Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera and Inspector NoFirstName Tezuka, who all now seem to share the same opinion: those rocket feet just mean that his combat systems are active again. Gyro decides to show him the memory he was trying to get to.

He was made to be a robot that defended Tokyolk with his special abilities, like his laser eyes and rocket boots. No word on whether or not he has machine guns in his butt, though. However, much like his future inventions. We learn that this was the first robot that became evil, and ever since, his penchant for making robots continued. This gives his attitude towards his own creation a little more weight.

As an aside, while we get glimpses of his past self, this is the first time I was able to put a screenshot of it. I must say that it's a neat touch that Past Gyro looks like the original Gyro from the comics, and, by extension, the Gyro from the original 1987 cartoon. It goes a bit further than that, actually, and I'm not going to spoil it here.

This scene also reveals that fix was more like a deletion, and that makes Boyd real angry. Well, that, or maybe that anger was artificially caused by this episode's real villain.

No, not Glomgold, though I do wonder where he has been since this season started. Apparently, he's been selling Japanese energy drinks like Schwarzenegger did back in the 90's!

No, it was Dr. Akita, of course, and he has become a total bad guy since the day Boyd destroyed Tokyolk. He was hiding in the shadows, though that's mostly because living underground has given him an aversion to sunlight. I'm a little disappointed that gag doesn't continue after this scene.

This leads to the seemingly once an episode fight scene with a bunch of the characters we know and love and will still love. Specifically, this is GizmoDuck vs. the evil 2BO/Boyd. It is very anime fight scene, but not in the "lol isn't anime so wacky" kind of way. There's even a well animated Macross Missile Massacre, as shown here; they really knew how to do it.

A big reveal happens in the middle of this, and I will admit it's one of those cliche "the one part of the memory that changes absolutely everything that was just ignored for no adequate reason" scenes. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, though, as this is where that "further than that" comes in.

To make it as vague as possible, this basically puts Gyro in the position to learn something in the end of the episode. In fact, this is more of a Gyro episode than a Huey episode. Sure, it's more of a Huey episode than, say, the Mervana one, but it's not like his character changed significantly in the course of this episode. I mean, Huey saw him as a kid since the beginning.

Can Gyro see his creation as a kid and potentially fix that "becoming evil" problem? The conclusion is rather sudden, mostly because they seemingly had to wrap it up in under 3 minutes, but it's still satisfying nonetheless. It changes the status quo even more than one might expect, too, but I already given away enough.

How does it stack up?

It's a great story about a character that may have only really existed just as a gag in one episode, with a great use of anime influences that never become the usual "lol Japan so wacky" stereotypes. No doubt about it, this is a 5 Scrooges episode.

Next, oh boy, another Ragnarok. Can't be any worse than the last time I had to cover one.

← Louie's Eleven! 🦆 The Rumble for Ragnarok! →

[imyourliquor-youremypoison]

A Girl’s Best Friend (Peter Parker x OC) - Part 1

Synopsis: Diamonds are man’s best friend- or dogs are girls’ best friends, wait... how does the saying go again?

Warnings: Family issues; Peter has a crush and it’s complicated; mention of assault; good dogs; College AU; aged up! characters; TONY STARK IS ALIVE AND WE ALL LIVE IN A HAPPY PLACE CALLED DENIAL

A/N: In this story, Peter has Tom’s dog, Tessa.

Word count: 1.5k

>>> Part 2

MASTERLIST

                Today was blood donation day, the Red Cross invested one of the faculty’s buildings this morning, turning it into a momentary blood bank. About half the student body decided to do the right thing and donate, and so the line was longer than the meet’n’greet line at the San Diego Comic Con Peter attended last year.

                And he couldn’t even donate his blood! Unless he wanted to have a Spider-Sidekick turn up one day, Tony had strongly advised him to stay clear of needles outside of his lab. No, Peter Parker stood in this endless line to keep company to Ned, who was afraid of needles but wanted to donate still because he had told a girl he liked that he would.

                Peter was half convinced they would still be standing there tomorrow. He should have brought a tent and something to eat. A least something to do. Luckily Ned nervous-babbled to keep his mind busy, or Peter might have fallen asleep while standing – last night’s mission had lasted longer than planned and he hadn’t had as much sleep as a college student would hope for.

“Hey, it’s my turn next,” Ned told him, nudging him in the ribs and waking Peter from his little snooze.

                And sure enough, they stood right next to the doctor’s little desk. Five doctors had set up their desks behind large panels as if those guaranteed any intimacy at all. Peter recognized the girl sitting in the chair at the nearest desk as one of his fellow classmates. He only knew her first name, or rather, her nickname. She didn’t look like she had any close friends, but most people called her Em. So, Emily, or Emma, he guessed.

                He briefly wondered why this girl always kept to herself. She was always well put together, he had never heard her say something off, she didn’t smell weird, and he had no reason to think she wasn’t intelligent. Then again, she must have her reasons, and whatever they were, they were none of his business.

                Okay, so, maybe he did notice her because he thought she was pretty, but that was it, and it still didn’t make it his business.

                A part of him knew it wasn’t nice to eavesdrop, but Peter was bored out of his mind and he had no ill intention, it was just plain curiosity. Ned had finally stopped talking his ears off, therefore nothing stopped him from listening.

“Name and date of birth please,” the doctor asked, his voice as toneless as expected after a day of saying the same thing over and over again.

“Emmeline Gerard, April 1st 1996,” she answered just as flatly.

                Not Emily or Emma then, well… Peter didn’t think too hard about it, but the doctor seemed to pause and the young woman momentarily gained his full attention as his eyes switched between her and the application form in his hand.

“Yes, I’m his daughter,” she snapped, clearly having been there and done that before.

The doctor hadn’t even asked anything, but Peter guessed the question was obvious – the man must know her father, whoever he was. A fellow practitioner maybe? He didn’t even know why he cared, but this was the most thrilling interaction he had witnessed today.

The doctor shook his head and resumed his questions.

“Did you eat and drink something before coming? Do you feel ready to donate blood?”

                Peter’s attention dwindled from then on, until she was almost done.

“Any medical history in your family?”

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met them,” she quipped, sending the old man a clipped smile that showed nothing but restrained annoyance. “I’m adopted.”

                Upon hearing that, Peter turned cherry red. He shouldn’t have been listening in on that doctor-patient conversation. Yet, he felt oddly drawn to her after hearing that she was an orphan like him. Sure, she had been adopted and her father was apparently someone of importance, but still, it tugged at Peter’s heartstrings.

                 Her one on one with the doctor quickly came to an end, but he didn’t let her go without a final word.

“Please tell your father I wish him the best of luck for the election to come!” he called just as the young woman grabbed her bag and stood up to leave.

                She froze, put her bag on her shoulder, clutching at the strap so hard Peter thought she must have been picturing the doctor’s neck in its stead, and she smiled. The smile was wrong, it had something off.

“I will. Good day, doctor.”

                Peter knew, by the sound of her voice and the way her smile immediately dropped when she turned around, that she would never, not even in a million years, tell her father. She walked around the panel and nearly bumped right into him.

“Oh, sorry, I-“ Peter started, feeling as though he had been caught red handed doing something bad. This was the first time he even opened his mouth in her presence.

“Oh great! You heard everything, now didn’t you?!” she snapped, clearly mad though he wasn’t convinced it was entirely his fault. That conversation must have rubbed her the wrong way. “God fucking dammit,” she cursed. “Well, go on, it’s your turn!”

                She stood slightly aside to tell him in so she could walk out but Peter only stood there awkwardly, hands in his pockets.

“I-I’m not donating, I’m just here with-“ He had barely gestured towards Ned, who now watched the two, before she cut him off.

“Even better! Out of my way, then.”

She pushed him aside, elbowing her way out of the little crowd that had formed around the door so she could go to the next stall where she’d finally make that donation, now that all the formalities were over.

“Who was that?” Ned asked Peter, watching the enraged girl stride away, her angry vibes making people step out of her way.

“Emmeline Gerard,” Peter answered offhandedly, eyes not leaving her form until she was out of sight. Ned simply frowned because her name meant nothing to him, but he didn’t get the time to ask any further questions.

“Next!” the doctor called, and Ned stepped in, leaving Peter to stand in the hallway with the hundred other people waiting there.

                He made a mental note to look her up tonight.

  *

  “Can you believe this? I can’t even talk to a doctor without hearing about my father!” she ranted, making angry hand gestures while Bella watched on, titling her head to the left. “You’d think a doctor would be a little more professional than that! Bringing politics into a medical consultation, ugh!” she groaned, finally seeming to calm down a little.

                She had been chewing on her tongue all day, biting off harsh remarks whenever somebody dared look her way. That poor boy she lashed out on this morning! He looked vaguely familiar; she must have a class with him – she would have to apologize if she saw him then.

“I just-“ she started, glancing at Bella who walked beside her. “I’m so sick of only being somebody’s daughter.”

                Bella’s ears perked up and she looked up at Emmeline, her big brown eyes full of questions.

“Of course, you don’t understand my problems, do you?” She knelt down and scratched Bella’s ears, watching her tail wag now that she had her owner’s full attention. “Your only concern in life is when you’ll next have to go to the vet.”

                The sun was setting now, the last orange rays filtering between New York City’s buildings. Her walks in Central Park with Bella were supposed to be a moment of relaxation – not a moment to scare the kids hanging there with her grumbling. Most must think her crazy for ranting at her dog.

                But Bella didn’t mind – at least Emmeline thought so – and she couldn’t give less of a crap what people thought of her. Her father would; in fact, her father gave many craps what people thought of him and, by extension, his family. Emmeline had never liked the word family, it just never made sense to her. She was born and immediately abandoned and then she was placed into the arms of another set of parents whose love never left right.

“Thank you for listening, Bel,” she told the happy dog who waited for her to unhook the leash so she could run around for a bit.

                Pitbulls were considered dangerous dogs and Bella had to wear a muzzle every time they went out – it broke Emmeline’s heart but it was the law. She couldn’t play fetch with her like this, but at least she could play with other dogs in the park. A lot of them already knew each other, and Emmeline waved at an old lady who walked her labradoodle, Sir Henry.

                She watched them run in circles for a while.

“I can’t speak about this with anyone else,” she muttered to herself, eyes never leaving her dog. “Who would pity the beloved mayor of New York’s daughter? I’m supposed to be the luckiest girl in the city.”

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Reblog to save a writer

Comment if you wanna be tagged!

[socksual-innuendos]

j grahams and emi

So idk if you wanted them as seperate characters or how they handle together but I’m gonna do both...all three? Y e a h

A Realistic HC

For Joshua, he’s prone to skin conditions even when he’s careful. His skin no longer acts like normal skin and can’t create the slightly acidic environment that helps kill microbes. Because of this, if he isnt thorough in cleaning himself, he can end up with skin infections or microbial growth very easily. I also think he has to dry himself off thoroughly after a wash or that he cant have wet bandages or clothes sticking to his body for too long. This would keep moisture close to his body which would again allow something to start growing on him. To slightly build off of this, I do think he smells a bit mossy at times.

For Em, I see her age starting to catch up to her after the bullet. She’s felt it before but NV events really lock it in. There’s plenty of ache, plenty of soreness, plenty of injuries that take a while to heal. She still loves what she does, but some mornings she just wants to go back to bed.

For both? Not certain, but I don’t properly know who kills who, or if either will at all. I think a big arc for Emi would be letting him go, at least in the target sense. She’s a headhunter and her desire to be the one to put Graham down is actually what allows them to start growing closer as friends. He’s so easily replaceable by different people she’s met, yet the fixation she has for being the one to kill him allows him to become more to her (she still wants to kill him though)? In the end he throws it all away and dropping their friendship completely is a choice Emi easily makes but, she could still return to Zion to see him one last time (not that he would see her, if she’s careful) and get her final kill. They’re both tough bastards, and they both have wills of steel, but I’m not entirely certain they would even get to that point.

Not realistic, but hilarious,

For both? It would def be Emi pegging him. While I think Emi would be able to do it and I laugh at the prospect that Graham gets off to it and is deeply ashamed by that, I cant work it into their story naturally. Still though, he gets the shocker at some point, and it goes about as well as you’d imagine.

For Em, I love to exploit her 10 Agil in stupid ways. I’m talking full spiderman shenanigans. She just abuses that grappling hook of hers in ways that doesnt make physical sense and you know what? This is fiction for a reason, and the frog has decided to drop in.

And Graham uuugh-- This might be more realistic headcanon taken a bit far but like, him reverting to a gross teenage boy when no one is looking.

Heartbreaking HC thats fun to inflict

God what isnt fun to inflict on Emilia. I cant think of anything canonical to her story immediately but anything that leaves her without Cam in some fashion kills me. Em can endure a lot of shit but her sister is her rock in all cases. In fact a whole au i have is based around Camila just not being there, and Emi is Much Different. I think the loss of Cam is the best heartbreak though. Emi can’t handle it in any capacity, and unless she has somewhere to focus that grief and pain she’s immediately unhinged.

You can never make me feel bad for Joshua buuuuuut— I think about how a lot of folks don’t mention that once shit is said and done, he probably feels conflicted over Caesar’s death. Edward being alive meant Joshua didn’t have to think about much aside from the anger, but now that he’s gone from the world? Graham has nothing but the past to focus his rage at, and 30+ years of friendship and ruling together heavily overpowers five years of denial and assassination attempts. Now hes left to face the loss, and its an unprocessed loss. And its also a loss he cant talk to anyone about because no one mourns the wicked. I fully believe that he has very few avenues allowing him closure over this, and that it will conflict him for the rest of his life.

For both uuugh, I think they’d make amazing partners if Graham could get over his pride. At the end of the day Graham’s need to fill his leader role inevitably prioritizes image over interpersonal relationships. Being a trade route away from Vegas, he’s basically Em’s neighbor and she was open to the idea of them staying friends. He however made his choice and he will die lonely on his throne. Given their dynamic, there’s so much potential between these two that will never get explored because Graham is well, Graham, and no matter what alternate routes rock bottom gives him, hes going to try and climb right back into his war chief role.

What I ignore canon for

A lot of shit, lmao. For both of them, I am overwriting a lot of the climax dialogue and HH ending. Emi prevents him from killing Salt purely because she is pissed and doesnt want him to have his satisfaction. She’s angry he dragged her into this, she’s pissed she cares about Chalk and that she couldn’t leave him, she’s angry that Joshua abandoned her (leading to her being injured) because he’s obsessive. She wanted that dog to sit and she made him do it, one way or another. They hate each other a while, and whether he realizes it or not I fully believe Joshua is less receptive then on to her because she managed to force him down. I have a lot of thought about how the endings to Honest Hearts should actually be switched, but this is an Ignore Canon answer for Joshua.

Emi I ignore a lot of in game mechanics for. She broke Raul out first and he was her first and main companion for a while, a lot of Lonesome Road story gets ignored because it fucks with her story previous to NV, and she does head straight to Jacobstown via Quarry Junction. Emi is an old and seasoned bird, she can handle herself and knows the roads. Because of this the game goes a little backwards for her, and her biggest struggle was trying to get into the Strip (She really pissed off Mick and Ralph at first, and in the end they eventually sold her the damn fake pass lol).

For Joshua, I think his endings slides should be switched for the choices you make. I want to see a Joshua that is resentful about the courier talking him down. I want to see him going full force after that, angry that he was again controlled into going against his beliefs (see: blame shifting him losing faith during Legion Time as Edward’s fault). Let me see Joshua acknowledging he went full emotional bitch when slaughtering Salt, let him be more mindful of not losing himself to emotion later on when he’s leading the tribes. Let his path come from within rather than having a third party trying to make him ‘good’. He’s a self made man in the sense that everything he’s done is because it’s what he wanted, or what he does to fix things is because he had saw issue within it. 

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

About book!Aziraphale and his relationship to Heaven

Most of the meta I’ve read about it has it that the main difference between him and TV!Aziraphale is that he’s accepted the fact that he’s a bit of a bastard and that Heaven’s pretty rotten and it’s just a name for a side and I’m over here like “that’s?????? Not what I read at all”. If anything, TV!A is the one who keeps talking about opposite sides as the reason why he and Crowley can’t like each other and about his inability to disobey, while book!A is the one going on and on about angels and demons not even having free will and so being inevitably good and evil respectively. Yes, he’s more aware of the possibility for punishment than TV!A seems to be, mentioning Gomorrah when they find out Warlock’s not the Antichrist, but that just fits with the whole issue, which is that a part of him knows that everything’s not what he thinks he’s been told it is it seems to be, it’s just that he knows it on the same level that he knows Crowley has a spark of goodness in him and that still allows him to deny that knowledge in conversation until they’re literally about to die. 

 Here’s how I read it: is he more comfortable with, say, the concept* of killing an eleven year old? Yes, but, coupled with everything else he says, I think it has less to do with him being alright with his “bastardy” and recognizing Heaven and Hell are just sides than it has with him just being convinced that, as long as it’s an agent of Heaven doing it (including him), it’s alright (in the self-righteous hands, a gun lends weight to a moral argument).

Heaven as a cult (and no, I don’t know what Hell would be in this metaphor - a gang, maybe)

The thing is that you can’t look at his relationship with Heaven as just work, or even just family. As I mentioned in another post, I think it should be seen as a cult, which kinda mixes both work and family and adds religion and all that fun stuff: the other angels are the people he was born and belongs with, and their “home” is where he learned was raised (family); Heaven is the source of his “income” and Aziraphale relies on it “financially”, it also has a marked hierarchy (work); as a religious institution, it works with the belief that it knows what’s best and what will be rewarded in the end, in addition to having a knowledge of how the world works that isn’t obvious at first glance to anyone who doesn’t belong, and works primarily on faith (religion). When all of that combines, the “raising” part of the familial aspect becomes programming and indoctrination with the unquestioning faith of the religion, the faith of the religion becomes unquestionable obedience to your boss with the strict hierarchy and fear of ruin if you’re fired of the workplace, and the faith and desire to belong of the family and religion become an unhealthy attachment to your job.

I see book!Aziraphale as who was born and raised in a cult and then sent away to do missionary work, where he faced reality, went through some pretty severe cognitive dissonance and dealt with it by rationalizing and denying by turns. I think the “angels are naturally good and, in fact, incapable of being anything else, since we don’t have free will, so anything I do will be Right and Good” excuse saw its fair share of use. I see him as someone who’s comfortable being a bastard because he doesn’t believe that’s what he’s doing or that he’s even capable of it. It’s this denial which leads him to (somehow????) be convinced that if he tells Heaven where the Antichrist is, they’ll get rid of him (nothing too bad, since they’re Heaven, of course, which leads me to the question, what the fuck do you think would have been an appropriate response, Aziraphale, since you were willing to kill him for a good stretch there? And what would have been an exaggerated, unbecoming-of-your-idealized-Heaven response???), even though he starts off knowing that they want the war, because he cannot conceive of being against Heaven. Sortaaa... divergent? Yeah, alright, but always working towards the same goal. The Agreement might have been acceptable in his mind because the job is still getting done, and the temptations also would have happened anyway. (Besides, of course, the whole “I can’t do Bad” thing.”)

Not that I think he’s, like, a pure cinnamon roll who only does the things he does because he doesn’t know better uwu !!!11!1!1. I think a big reason why his indoctrination’s been able to hold all that time is pride in always being Right and the comfort of knowing you’re always Good, so you don’t have to think about how what you’re doing will affect other people. He is someone who wants to do good, but, as all of us know, even without the complication of what we’re told is good and what we feel is good being contradicting, sometimes life’s too complicated to be able to tell what’s the right course, and Aziraphale, who we were introduced to worrying about this very problem, takes the easy way out and believes that being Good is his very nature. As I said before, a part of him knew that what he believed was wrong, but it was a mind (what Heaven taught him) over matter (what he feels is right) conflict when there was another battle going on in “matter” between what he feels is right and what he wants for himself, which was to be in Heaven’s good graces and for everything to be easy and himself to be good.

Matter over program (and pride, and guilt, and comfort, and security, let’s just say he didn’t have it easy, mkay?)

This conflict is suggested In The Beginning, ““““coincidentally”””” also the last time we go into Aziraphale’s head until he has to make a choice between Heaven and Crowley, and he rationalizes choosing Heaven by convincing himself that they’ll do what he wants them to and stop the Apocalypse and that way he’ll get to go back to Crowley.** Aka, his POV is marked by instances where what he’s been told what he says clashes against what he feels and wants. The solution for his conflict comes with the Metatron stating in no uncertain terms that Heaven’s wishes and his own were irreconcilably at odds with each other... actually, I think this probably wasn’t the first time? Probably, I don’t and can’t know. But what this was, was probably the first time Aziraphale cared so much about what he’d have to give up that he thought it was worth it to not only cut ties with Heaven, but also to abandon his carefully constructed wall of denial and rationalization and indoctrination to accept thing as they are.

We can see it plainly with the televangelist. A lot of people point at that moment as proof of him being and ass and, like, I agree that that’s what he’s being, but only on account of the people who were honestly watching that channel to feel connected to their religion and find some peace and reassurance and got... Aziraphale. Here’s the thing, though. A thing that tends to get lost in these debates. This isn’t Aziraphale casually debating the Apocalypse over some tea and scones; this is the first time Aziraphale admits, maybe even accepts, that Heaven and Hell are just sides, after insisting on their inherent good and evil natures the whole book; this is Aziraphale in the wake of having his rose-coloured glasses torn from him, this is him after being forced, after all this time, to tear off his own glasses; this is him angry, and disillusioned, and betrayed, with, at and by both Heaven and himself. Hell, him reproaching the televangelist for taking comfort in the fact that the righteous people could just kick back and watch the show, secure in the knowledge that they’ll be fine, could very well fit a projection of everything he’d let slide, because Heaven would win the war and that was his “idea of a morally acceptable time.” (More on Aziraphale and his possible guilt in a bit.) 

Again, this is not an admission Aziraphale makes lightly, like “awright, I guess it’s not quite like that, but shhhh, it’s our secret ;)”, it’s one he’s forced to face when the only other option is losing everything he holds dear. 

(New thought I got while writing this: this is also the first time he admits that Heaven’s victory isn’t a sure thing, so not only does he abandon the security in his and Heaven’s righteousness, but also in that everything would at least turn out okay.)

What He Found (no, I didn’t watch the movie, this pun is as superficial as NG’s attempt to make Pepper into a person who “believes in peace” for the TV show)

But things turn out pretty alright for him. Not only does he get a happy ending, but in between being discorporated and the attempted fight against Satan, you can kinda see him get his moral compass sorted. If I may quote myself, it goes kinda like this: 

“I’d say it’s why he’s so erratic at the end, and with the whole confidence/insecurity thing. At Heaven’s insistence on bringing about the Apocalypse, that clear collision of beliefs, he has the rug pulled from under him. That certainty comes from the fact that he believes, or can make himself believe, that Heaven and Angels are always right. The moment that’s proven to be untrue? Fuck you, I’m gonna possess people. Oh? You think you’re so righteous, huh? Talking about how you’ll be saved because you’re so Right, huh? Boy, do I have some news for you, you’re not even a decent person, I mean, really? Watching everyone else suffer from up high? (oh, shit, am I on tv?) [also notice that this is the first time, unless I’m forgetting something, that he acknowledges what Crowley’s been saying all along, that there’s no good vs evil, just sides] Fuck that, I’m gonna convince geriatrics to kill the Antichrist. Fuck it, I’m gonna make that guard disappear (…err…ignoring the pangs of guilt, gotta keep going…) Fuck it all, I’m gonna kill that eleven yeaghghgasdfh mayhaps not. But! You! Metatron! You feel so Righteous, huh? So Good? So Correct? So confident in your ability to understand the ineffable plan? Well I don’t, bitch.”

Everyone says that book!Aziraphale is smug and condescending and acts holier-than-thou and they’re right! That’s him! But that confidence comes from believing he literally can’t go wrong. It’s why he changes his mind about Adam: it’s all right and good to be ready to kill (or get someone to kill) a kid when you believe morality is always on your side, not... so much when you realize that everything you do, it’s for you to live with, and there’s no certainty that you were right.

Our last stand

And here’s my last argument for why I don’t think he “accepted” that he was a bastard before, and going back to the promised, if unasked for, topic: his guilt. 

So. The Apocalypse has been averted. Time to go back home with the Enemy, return the favour to the sweet lady who gave him a ride over (and her young man). Suddenly, the smell of something burning. An earthquake. Satan’s coming for Crowley, at least, maybe Adam, too. There are other people at the airbase, though. So, Aziraphale decides to try to fight him, at least give everyone a chance to run. And there’s kindness and compassion in that decision, of course, but when he tries to convince Crowley, he also implies that they owe it to the humans, for messing around with them. He’s guilty. And I have trouble believing that someone who’d die for a bunch of people he’s just met and ask seemingly the only sentient being he has an affective attachment to to join him (which has connotations about both his committed nature and the extent of his guilt) would just... go through life, knowing he was screwing people over and fully accepting it. Knowing it in his heart of hearts but not feeling prepared for the consequences and so looking the other way? Yeah, sure. That’s him. That’s his arc: making the choice to actually look at things, and also face the fact that he’s been making the choice to close his eyes. 

Book!Aziraphale’s faults and bastardy are more obvious than his TV counterpart’s, and maybe even greater, but it’s not because he’s accepted that side of himself or that all Heaven’s ever taught him is pure propaganda, but because he believes that propaganda a lot more (at least, superficially) and so is much more secure in his “good nature”.

*I’ve pointed it put multiple times and I still can’t emphasize it enough: while both of them hesitate, the one who decides not to kill Adam and wait and see while he’s talking to the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are supposed to bring it about on his command, is book!Aziraphale.

**In a way, choosing both of them, in contrast to TV!Aziraphale who, by telling no one the truth, chose neither. (He went straight to the manager.)

[miss-annthropic]

Just a little something responding to a prompt challenge issued by @amaradangeli

Five word prompt: I said I love you

Forgive me if this is wonky… it's my first time posting on tumblr!

I Said I Love You by MissAnnThropic

“What?”

The deer-in-the-headlights look on her face made Samantha Carter appear impossibly young.  It was almost funny to think that amid all the advanced astrophysics that she fielded without falter, this was what drew her up short.

“I said I love you,” Jack repeated, easily and without fanfare.  Like he had said it a thousand times before.  In a way, he had.

But not in a way that Sam would understand.

Sam looked a unique blend of panicked and confused as her eyes darted around the bustling embarkation room, toward General Hammond standing well within earshot of the two officers, at her teammates who were just as agog as Sam.  Daniel’s owlish eyes and ‘o’ of a mouth, Teal’c’s single raised eyebrow.  The witnesses.  All those witnesses.

Jack couldn’t muster the energy to worry about any of that.  It was hard to imagine he ever had.  He felt older than his years.

“General…” Sam began.  The one word was almost an appeal.  ‘Don’t listen to him!’

General Hammond looked concerned more than he was angry, which was probably for the best.  “Colonel?  Are you all right?”

Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets, gave an ambiguous head tilt, and moved his eyes back to her.  When she looked his way again, he offered a small smile.  A smile with more heart that he’d ever dared before.

It seemed to freak her out as much as his declaration of love.  “General, something happened to Colonel O’Neill on the planet… we’re not entirely sure, but we got separated.  When we found him, he was disoriented.  It might even be a concussion!”

Jack’s fond smile twisted.  Trust her to find the out, the way to dismiss what he’d said.  Throwaway words.  Nonsense.  The ramblings of a head injury.  Never anything real.  Perish the thought.

General Hammond nodded.  “Colonel, report to the infirmary immediately.”

Jack felt the world start to hang off his bones, heavy and old.  “Yes, sir.”  His eyes didn’t stay on Hammond long.  When he moved, Sam almost jumped back to clear a path for him.

All traces of Jack’s smile vanished.

**********

Given Jack’s proclamation in the gate room, Jack’s medical exam and debrief were conducted separate from the rest of his team.  It meant he’d have to repeat himself when the rest of SG-1 hunted him down for details, but not being there when he told Hammond what had happened was no doubt easier on Sam.

The things Jack had to say would have made her uncomfortable.  Especially in front of the general.

Jack was in the infirmary and then Hammond’s office so long that it was into the early morning hours when he was finally released.  His team was nowhere to be found.  Part of Jack was glad for the reprieve.  For him, it was as though the mission had lasted years instead of days. 

And he was not surprised Sam had bolted. 

And yet, he was also not surprised to find Sam perched against the hood of her car in front of his house when he got home.  Despite the hour.  Despite everything, really.

“Sam,” he said softly when he got out of truck.

Sam was already starting toward him but hesitated at her name.  She frowned.  He knew why, but after everything, he couldn’t bring himself to call her ‘Carter’.

“Sir…”

Jack winced and looked toward his house.  “You sure you want to be here?  After the gate room and all… someone might get the wrong idea if we’re seen.”

He knew he sounded bitter, but he couldn’t seem to help it.

Sam narrowed her eyes.  “Are you mad that I care what the general thinks?”  The spaces between her words accused him of being just as guarded and mindful of their reputation as she.

Once upon a time.

“No.”  He sighed.  “Anger would imply there was a possibility you might react any other way, doesn’t it?”

Sam looked confused.  He couldn’t blame her.  That didn’t mean it hurt less, though.

“Come on,” he said in resignation.  “At least let me tell you what happened.”  She might not understand, but at least she’d know why.

Sam looked wary of being alone in his home with him at night, all things considered, but her curiosity won out.

Some things never changed… like Sam’s need to solve a puzzle.

**********

They ended up sitting on the steps of Jack’s back porch with beers in hand and a tense silence between them.  The night was cool and the world asleep but for them, as though the universe had withdrawn to give them this time.  The stars they traveled dotted the sky above, a moving passport they could never hold.

Sam was staring up at them in studied silence.  Jack wasn’t sure if she was truly that engrossed or just avoiding looking at him.  It might have been because he was staring.  He couldn’t seem to help that, either.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, cleared her throat, and took a gulp of beer.  “So…”

“So.”

Sam’s lips twitched in annoyance and she finally turned to look at him.  “What happened on the planet?”

Jack steeled himself to tell the story twice in one night… though Sam would get details he’d omitted from his debrief with Hammond.

“You remember that Macaw Moron?”

Sam huffed a laugh.  “That wasn’t his title.”

“Hey, a guy wears a costume made out of feathers every color under the sun, he has to expect some ridicule.”

Sam rolled her eyes.  “Colonel…”

“Right.”  Jack looked down intently at his beer, picking at the label with his thumbnail.  “I tracked him down while the rest of you were at the banquet.  I had some concerns about his errand boys.”

Sam frowned uneasily.  “They didn’t seem mistreated.”

“Those kids were scared of him, and I was going to find out why.”  Jack scowled at the memory, then shook his head.  “I found him in some kind of lab.  Not like yours or Daniel’s… way more mad scientisty.  Think Frankenstein’s laboratory and a Sherman Williams paint store had a head-on collision.”

“Sir…”

Jack flinched.  “Do you know what the locals called Macaw Moron?  It’s not that lame-ass title he told Daniel.”

Sam looked intrigued.

“Pathbender.”

“Why?” Sam asked.

“He can… I don’t even know how to explain what he does.  All I can tell you is what he did.  I never left that room, but somehow I lived a different version of my life.”

“Like you were a different version of you?” Sam asked.

“No.  It was me, but things kept veering farther off course from this reality.  First in little ways, then in big ones, too.”

At Sam’s silence, Jack looked over and found her justifiably confused.  “I don’t understand.”

The second attempt at recounting the story was no easier than the first with Hammond.  The poor man had looked like he was nursing a headache by the time Jack left.  “Do you remember Dr. Carter from that alternate universe?”

Sam tensed in obvious discomfort.  “Of course.”

“Well, you know how you explained it to me?  Forks in the road and all that?”

“Yeah…”

Jack nodded.  “That’s what it was.  Whatever this Macaw guy did, wherever it was he sent me, it let me go left where I’d normally go right.”

“And to the left was…” Sam trailed, as if she already knew.  As if she would have always known what the left would hold.

“Us.”

Sam went dead silent.

Jack couldn’t bring himself to look at her.  He didn’t want to know if there was denial written all over her face.  If she was flat-out rejecting the mere idea of what he’d lived.  “It was every moment we’ve ever had to choose,” and god knew there were so many of them, “but in this other reality, every time there was a choice, we didn’t choose the Air Force.”

He fell silent to let that sink in.  To let her remember all the rights they had made and what it would have meant if they’d gone left instead.

“I…” and there it was, the great Sam Carter lost for words.

Jack peeled off a piece of the beer label where he’d worked up a corner.  “It was terrifying how easy it all was.  Maybe it was designed to be.”  Jack shrugged and tossed the rolled bit of paper into his dark lawn.

“So you and I, in this other reality…”

“Figured out how to make it work.  We made it work.  Dated.  Eventually, we got married.”

Sam startled and her beer clunked to the deck step below her.  She scrambled to right it before it made too much of a mess.  “We… married?”

“You could act a little less surprised, Sam,” Jack groused.

Her mouth opened and closed without sound a few times before she croaked, “Colonel, I…”

“Stop.”

“Sir…”

“Please, Sam.”  The pain in his voice quieted her.

Jack looked over at her with an apologetic grimace.  “Sorry, I just… I got used to you calling me Jack.  It’s hard to hear you using ‘colonel’ and ‘sir’ again.”

For a moment, Sam was speechless.  Then she was practically whispering.  “It wasn’t me.”

“I know… but it was so real.  You were so real.”

“But it wasn’t real, Colonel.”

Jack shot her a beady look.  “It was.”

“No, sir. I’m sorry, but whatever that man did to you must have caused some kind of vivid, detailed hallucination, and while it may have seemed very real to you…”

While she was talking, Jack kicked out one leg to dig into his pocket.  His hand came out fisted and he held it out to her.  Absently, mid-lecture, Sam held out her hand.  Jack dropped something into her palm.

Sam’s words died on her lips as she looked down at a woman’s wedding ring in her hand.

“It was real,” Jack insisted.  “For whatever else it was, I know that much.”

Sam gaped down at the ring in her hand, still warm from Jack’s pocket.  She looked from him to the ring.  “Is… was this…”

“Yours.”  Jack downed the rest of his beer, set the bottle aside, then reached over to fetch Sam’s abandoned one from between her feet and chug from that, too.

Sam pinched the ring between her thumb and forefinger to examine it more closely in the porch light behind them.  He could tell the moment it clicked.  “This is my mom’s.”

“I know.”

“Sir!  How did you…”

“Dad gave it to me, when I told him I was going to propose to you.”

Sam’s eyes were tearing up as she traced her thumb over the familiar piece of jewelry.  “Holy Hannah…”

“It was real,” Jack repeated.  He needed that to be fact.

Sam nodded mutely.  She clutched the ring and sniffed.  “How long…”

“Twelve years passed for me in there.”

Sam let out a stunned breath.  “But how is that even possible?  You’re not twelve years older.”

“I don’t know how it’s possible… all I know is I have years of memories with you.  Whatever he did, coming back didn’t undo that.”

Sam looked like she wanted to protest the science, the impossibility, but she was holding her mother’s wedding ring as damning proof.  There was no way Jack could have it, dinged and scuffed with wear only an unaccounted-for twelve years could explain, unless it was somehow true.

“You never wore your ring to work in the labs,” Jack muttered as though to himself.  “You always left it in the nightstand in the morning.  I took it so I could get it engraved with our initials.  Tenth anniversary surprise.  We had plans to go out to dinner that night, then you were getting a week of vacation so we could head up to the cabin.”  Jack took in a slow, deep breath.  “Then everything was gone and you and Daniel and Teal’c were pulling me out of that psychedelic bathtub.”

Sam raked her free hand through her hair and rubbed her eyes against her shirt sleeve.  She didn’t even bother trying to hide the fact she was crying.

Jack closed his eyes and waited a beat before he gathered the nerve to say what was weighing heavy on his heart.  “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Sam.”

“Do what?” Sam asked in a small voice.

“This.  Our endless game of chicken.  Whatever you want to call it.  I’m done.  I’m out.”

“What do you mean ‘out’?”  Sam straightened and her voice gained steel.  “You don’t mean out of the Air Force.”

“Maybe.”

“Colonel…”

Jack flinched.  “Please, Sam…”

“What about the team?”

“They’ll find someone else to lead it.  Hell, Hammond might even give it to you.”

“I don’t want it!”  Sam closed her fist around the wedding ring, her tears transformed.  “You can’t do this, we need you.”

“Daniel and Teal’c will be fine,” Jack said with certainty.  He cut a sideways look at her.  “And you don’t need me the way I want you to.”

Sam surged off the steps into the grass and rounded on Jack.  “That’s not fair.  You can’t just quit and expect me to fall in line with whatever fantasy you lived.”

Jack looked up at her calmly.  “I don’t expect you to.  This isn’t about trying to have that life.”

“Then what is it about?”

Jack sighed and looked off into the darkness, gathering his thoughts.  “Regulations, I guess.  Which, isn’t that a kick in the ass.”

“What?”

“Fraternization within a chain of command is against regulations because it could compromise someone in the field, right?”

Sam nodded warily.

“Well, I’m compromised.  Full stop.  I love you.  And I know it’s not fair, because it wasn’t you you who let me, but close enough.”

Sam’s hands hung at her side, her expression dumbfounded.

“And I don’t expect anything from you,” Jack assured.  “And I understand if you can’t love me back.”

“It’s not…” Sam started, stopped, then lowered her voice miserably.  “My ability to love you was never the problem.”

That didn’t feel as good as Jack was hoping.  Not when Sam looked so dejected at the loss of her commanding officer on SG-1.

Jack stood and carefully approached her.  When they were almost toe to toe, she finally looked up at him. 

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Jack said.

“Don’t leave the team.”

“I have to, Sam.  You know I do.  If I can’t stop feeling this way about you… it’s a liability, and you know it.  Besides, I don’t want to stop feeling this way.”

Sam looked up at him, startled.

Jack gave a lopsided smile.  “You know I hate clichés, but that whole ‘tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…?  Sort of applies here.”

Sam shook her head.  “I’m not lost.  I’m right here.”

“Not the way I want you.  And that’s okay.  But I just can’t go back to the way we were before and act like nothing’s different.”

“You’ve been through rough missions before… you always came back.”

Jack shrugged.  “Turns out there’s no coming back from loving you.”  And he was okay with that.

Sam sagged.  “Then I guess that’s that.  No more SG-1.”

It felt awful and good at the same time.  “Hammond will find someone to replace me.  He was probably going to have to do it sooner than later, anyway.”

Sam eyed him.  “You’re frighteningly okay with all of this.”

Jack smiled.  He woke up that morning with Sam in his arms.  As far as grand finales goes, they didn’t get any grander.  Even if it was ripped from him.  He offered only a nonchalant shrug in response.

Sam looked down at her hand, uncurling her fingers to ponder her mother’s ring again, then she chuckled.  “I still can’t believe you said that in the gate room.  In front of Hammond.”

Jack snorted.  “Not one of my finer moments,” he conceded.  “Though in my defense, I’d just spent a decade where I didn’t have to stop myself.”

“I can’t even imagine…”

“You can’t?” Jack asked, a little hurt at the idea.

Sam winced.  “Well, maybe I can.  But I shouldn’t.”

“Yes, well… that won’t be the case much longer.”

Sam heaved a breath and stepped back.  He should have expected that would be too much too soon.  “I should go.”

“Sure.”

He meant to let her leave, but when she reached the deck steps he turned toward her.  “Sam?”

She turned back.

“No matter what happens, please tell me that we’ll still be friends.”  He would never not need her, and he’d take having her in his life any way she’d allow.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easy, sir.”  When Jack flinched again, she deliberately corrected herself.  “Jack.”

Something aching in his chest eased.  “Thank you.”

Sam cocked her head as she looked down at him, a question practically bursting to be asked by the expression on her face.

“What?” he prodded.

“Were we good together?” she asked softly, as though it was scandalous to even speak it.

Jack smiled roguishly.  “What do you think?”

For a moment there was only that familiar tension between them of too much held back, then Sam grinned, teeth and dimples and everything.  She looked down at her hand thoughtfully a second, then she descended the steps again and marched up to Jack, holding out her hand.

“Here,” Sam said as she placed the wedding ring in his palm.  “Hang on to this…” her eyes flicked up to his, “maybe one day you can give it back to me properly.”

Jack’s head came up at once, his eyes locked on Sam in unbridled hope.

An unmistakable glint twinkled in her eye.  “You decided to change everything, so you damn well better make it count.”

Jack grinned.  “Oh, I intend to.”

Sam smirked, and it felt like a new direction.  It felt like finally going left.

[greyias]

I found a datamine letter that Theron send you if you romance Arcann and omg my heart it hurts so much to read it! :( though being a datamine in the first place I don’t know if it’ll be released in game but still

I mean it is hard to say, what with it being datamined (although I would love to know where they find that within the game data because I needs me some copies of the letters in-game without having to actually play through 100+ hours of content to get them!)

(Spoilers, as well as a little salt in the wound below the cut)

The letter in question (as well as some others from the Jilted Lovers Brigade can be found here): http://boards.theforce.net/threads/the-old-republic-mmo-the-new-official-thread.50004324/page-239

I can’t focus. I just keep thinking about you. I’m usually so good at controlling my emotions, but I guess you’re my weak point. This is a good lesson for me. Don’t open up. Don’t let anyone in.

I need to be on my own for a while to forget about us. Shake away my lingering feelings.

This is why spies should never fall in love. 

Yeah… honestly that letter doesn’t surprise me at all. 

And can you blame him, really? I mean, honestly, can you blame any of them? Kaliyo’s is particularly blunt and on the nose, but that’s kind of who she is. They all kind of have a point… if these indeed do appear in game (and, well, we’ve seen them remove some datamined letters that accidentally gave the plot of their current storyline away especially if some mysterious sleep-deprived idiot were to accidentally decode their super sekrit messages)

I mean, honestly? I really don’t ship Outlander/Arcann for a lot of reasons, so I’m kind of with the Jilted Lovers Brigade here. Especially considering these letters appear to only really be sent if the PC is in a committed relationship. And infidelity kind of sucks? But, you know, that’s just me.

(Yes I realize the game doesn’t have a convenient “I changed my mind let me break things off” function built in. I guess that’s what the “Are you sure you want to confirm this romance” button is for.)

People who are a little more dug into the mindsets of the other Love Interests could probably chime in more on their perspective, but Theron’s? Yeahhhh… the game and other ancillary material hasn’t exactly been shy about his attachment and abandonment issues. Considering that the Arcann romance lock-in looks like it’s set post-KOTET (but probably pre-Umbara, maybe pre-Iokath), this comes right on the heels of some pretty big character development for a romanced Theron…

That being he actually said the “L” word, and very possibly it was said back to him. And while this is a bit of speculation on my part, that’s… kind of a big deal for him. A really big deal in fact.

(And if for some reason you disagree with the following statement, fair enough, but I don’t really have the energy to argue it nor the patience to deal with potential character bashing, so please try to be courteous in that regard.)

If you think about the relationships that Theron has cultivated in his life, specifically with the people who he loves and who love him (Satele, Jace, Zho, Marcus, Teff’ith) -- none of them have either been in the position to, raised in a culture of, or in some cases *coughTEFFITHcough* have that sort of dynamic where any of the parties would say the words “I love you” to him, much less have him say it back.

It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel deep emotions of affection, or dare I say, love for his family, but they’re all a giant disaster space family with giant disaster communication issues. It makes for great fictional drama, but less so for healthy normal human interactions. But it’s implied in text (Lost Suns, Annihilation), and in the game’s subtext that Theron does care very deeply for everyone he considers family, but also that he’s a man in great, great denial about things that are very important to him. (”Who needs the Force” indeed.)

He makes a pretty big to-do about being a loner, about keeping people at arm’s distance and not really having anything of a personal life in Lost Suns, Annihilation, Shadow of Revan, heck, it’s even kind of hinted in the dev blog story about him and Jonas. 

So when he not only enters into a committed relationship with the Outlander (after pining for them for five years where he may have even believed them dead for a period), but he finally gets over his mountain of personal issues and a lifelong practice of self-denial, he’s pretty still reluctant to drag out the words “I love you” -- a phrase he likely has never actually said out loud to anyone before.

And if he hears those words back, probably for the first time in his life, well, prepare yourself for a giant cropped in screencap of Theron’s face, because what’s the point of having the ability to get 4K screencaps if I can’t crop in on minute details that no one cares about?

That’s pretty much the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Even during Shadow of Revan when you first lock in the romance. And maybe it’s just the lighting, but I swear he looks like he’s about to cry.

(I realize they reused this animation on at least Torian too, because reusing assets is easy and saves monies. But come on, it was probably originally worked out for one character in particular.)

So yeah... it makes complete sense for Theron to be kind of devastated after laying his heart out for the first time ever and then just kind of being dumped for the guy who literally stabbed you in the gut and sort of razed half the galaxy because he thought you were his daddy? I’m pretty sure that would change Theron, and if he ever did open up to someone again it would take him a long long long time.

But um, I’m obviously a little protective of my boi at this point so I’m obviously greatly biased. But he’s had a rough six plus months, okay? What with everyone calling him tr8r, losing his beloved jacket, the now-infamous barber mishap that he thought was super cool and edgy guyz but everyone kept insisting looked like a thong, oh, and half of Twitter constantly demanding the ability to kill him five updates ago GAWD DEVS WHY CAN’T YOU RETROACTIVELY CATER TO THEIR MURDEROUS WHIMS. So seeing him all broken hearted just makes me a little sad and mamabear and why can I not hug this stupid idiot yet plz Bioware #HugTheron2k18

(Also, sorry Arcann/Outlander fans -- I know you like the ship! And while I admit it is sweet in its own way, it just kind of has some Oedipal issues built in that I personally can’t look past... but to each their own!)