#burden so heavy he make an entire fake life to escape it

[dropthedemiurge]

Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo is fascinating, fascinating story. Complicated one, with flawed characters and complex emotions and themes.

Just 2 episodes ago I was rooting for Juyoung and Dohoe and thought they were perfect for together, and now I think they won't work out this way at all - and isn't it the great portrayal of first teenage puppy love versus adult relationships?

It's fascinating. I don't think is BL is bad at all, despite me having more complicated feelings about Dohoe now, and there are many details that can be interesting to poke around and discuss with other tumblr folks. Also I think the time gap was really needed and made a lot of sense, in case some people still doubt, it was clearly shown.

And still, I sigh. I had one short thought that might be they really should just let go and move on, and this will be their happy ending, but I know Juyoung and Dohoe aren't easily torn apart.

But also the burden on their necks and above their heads are way, way too heavy, and can't be just put aside like a cross necklace.

Fascinating.

[sixeyesonathiel]

okay so i’ve been teasing this dark satoru fic and i’m literally vibrating at the frequency of radiohead’s “fake plastic trees” because LISTEN—

this is post-suguru defection, post-riko death satoru who has been forced into this impossible position where he HAS to be morally untouchable, the strongest, the one who makes all the right choices because the entire jujutsu world depends on him. not because he thinks he’s god, but because his POSITION literally demands he act like one—untouchable, selfless, always doing what’s right for everyone else.

he can’t afford to want things for himself or be selfish or human because the weight of everyone’s survival rests on him being this perfect pillar of strength. it’s not ego, it’s DUTY. it’s the crushing responsibility of being unmatched in a world that needs him to be morally perfect too.

but then there’s reader. sweet, normal, elementary school teacher reader who threatens to call social services on him and something in his brain just goes oh. OH. because here’s someone willing to fight HIM for what’s right, who sees two kids needing protection and doesn’t care about his untouchable status.

and this is where it gets DEVASTATING because reader becomes his one allowable human desire. his single permitted selfishness in a life where he’s required to sacrifice everything for the greater good. he doesn’t think he’s manipulating her—he genuinely believes this domestic version of himself IS who he really is, who he would have been if not burdened with unmatched power.

the seven sins aren’t conscious evil, they’re what happens when someone who’s been forced to deny every human want finally gets a taste of something real. his love becomes warped not by arrogance but by sheer starvation—he’s been denied basic human experiences for so long that when he finally finds someone who makes him feel real, he doesn’t know how to want them in a healthy way.

she falls in love with satoru the neighbor who struggles with repairs and feels proud about small victories, but that person only exists because the strongest sorcerer alive is so desperate for human connection he’s built this performance of normalcy.

it’s not that he has a god complex—it’s that his POSITION requires him to be godlike, and when he tries to love like a human, he still does it with the intensity of someone who’s used to reshaping reality. reader becomes his rebellion against the role he’s forced to play, but even his rebellion is shaped by the very power he’s trying to escape.

THE TRAGEDY is this might be the only way someone in his position CAN love—through careful construction rather than natural growth, because genuine vulnerability would mean showing the weight of being responsible for everyone’s survival, and that’s too heavy for the soft domestic love they both crave.

she looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing but it’s built on the artificial foundation of someone trying to be human when their very existence demands otherwise 😭

anyway. if i drop a oneshot soon just know i cooked it in full darkness with one bar of signal and 0.5% battery. satoru’s 19 here, just after adopting tsumiki and megumi. he’s tired, stretching himself thin, trying so hard to be responsible—until he meets you. a 19 y/o student teacher who’s fire-hearted and skeptical, soft with the kids but sharp with him. and something in him just clicks. no obsession at first, but it’s the beginning of the end.

he’s not violent or volatile, just... quietly unbearable. too controlled. too calculating. the kind of man who could protect you from the entire world but never from the way he starts to want you. i think i accidentally integrated all seven deadly sins but that’s showbiz baby. it’s dead dove with no noncon, just canon-level darkness and satoru spiraling slow. oh and if my uni goes modular i will be finishing this 😋

[bumackerman]

warnings: sfw, a little bit of angst, slightly suggestive if you squint really hard.

@anonymous

hii can i request a, c, h, j, k for bakugo :p

a/n: since you didn’t specify sfw, or nsfw, i’m just gonna assume you meant sfw. i hope you don’t mind! also, thank you for requesting my first bakugo one!

p.s. when i analyze a character’s personality in anime in order to write about them, i stick to how i see them to be. i don’t write fanon headcanons. i only write their canon personalities. so, for bakugo, i’m not gonna pretend he’s some flirty, dominant sex god. hope you don’t mind.

¬ a (affection): how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?

✦ bakugo is secretly super affectionate.

✦ at first glance, you’d probably assume that the only form of physical touch he’d engage in is violence. but, oh boy. when he finally finds the one, or they find a way to burrow into his bubble, he’s hooked.

✦ he doesn’t know it, but the little things he does for his s/o to “help them out” are really just his way of saying “i really care about you, and i want to prove it by doing this task for you.”

✦ if you are running late in the morning and don’t have time to pack your lunch for the day, guess who’s in the kitchen chopping up apples and packing you a sandwich.

“here, take it.” bakugo held the strap of a bag loosely in his fist as you entered the kitchen. “what’s this?” you ask, accepting it into your hands. “you can’t skip lunch again, idiot.” the purr in his morning voice was low and rough, but also very soothing and shy. he tried his best to sound annoyed, but you both knew it was a façade.

as you opened up the contents, you found neatly packed fruit, vegetables, and a sandwich fitted inside. you smirked and gazed into his half-lidded eyes. “thank you, kacchan~. you’re so sweet!” you say with love laced thickly in your tone. a soft peck of gratitude was set onto his pale cheek.

“tch. whatever… idiot…” he turned away, avoiding eye contact as his cheeks heated into a soft pink. closing the bag up again, you set it aside, and wrapped your arms around his torso. “thank you.” you say once more, this time a bit more sensual. your voice hummed short vibrations into his chest. sighing a fake breath of annoyance, he reciprocated the affection. his lips pressed gently onto the side of your forehead, then trailed to the top corner of your cheek, to the corner of your anticipating lips, and finally satisfying your desire by capturing you in a passionate, slow, kiss.

“you better eat it, or i’ll kick your ass.” his warm breath fanned at your lips as the words escaped his mouth. a satisfied chuckle escaped your throat. “i’d like to see you try.”

✦ he will also do other small tasks to ease the “burden” of them off of your shoulders.

✦ if you leave clean clothes scattered all across your bed, he’ll definitely fold them for you and put them away in their respective drawers. (expect to be scolded when he’s finished, though.)

✦ katsuki will definitely cook dinner for you whenever he can. he’s amazing. he’s so perfect. he’ll even adapt to whatever your taste buds can handle, and damn can this man cook. if you’re a picky eater, well you’re in luck. while he will give fake complaints about your “shitty taste buds”, he’ll still get the job done, and well.

¬ c (cuddles): do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?

✦ katsuki’s favorite time of the day is night time. “why?”, you may be asking... well... CUDDLES!

✦ when you’re both exhausted from your busy days, the best feeling ever is to get cleaned up, and crash onto your shared bed. the feeling of being stress-free and in clean pajamas, cuddling up with your boyfriend is heavenly.

✦ as soon as you plop yourself onto the bed, bakugo is sure to follow suit. if you’re laying on your tummy, he’ll lay directly on top of your back and get comfortable. he loves to hold you whenever you two are alone.

✦ around other people, he would be a bit distant. he’s not at all into PDA, so home is the perfect place to get his long-awaited cuddles in. (he’ll still hold your hand in public, don’t worry.)

✦ if you’re laying on your back, he’ll lay in between your legs, and again, wrap his arms around you while his head is on your chest.

✦ play with his hair. even though it looks like a mess, it’s actually very soft and doesn’t have tangles. your fingers can run smoothly through his locks without resistance. if you play with his hair, he’ll only melt further into your touch. he’ll adjust his body once more to get closer to you, and finally fall asleep.

✦ he snores, but it’s quiet. it’s also super cute! (*´꒳`*)

¬ h (hugs): do they like hugs? what are they like? how often do they hug you?

✦ bakugo loves hugs! he thinks of them like a slightly less intimate version of cuddling. he calls it the “quickie version of cuddling”.

✦ he much prefers cuddling, though.

✦ when bakugo hugs you, his face is always buried in your shoulder, while his strong arms are engulfing your chest. unlike the other guys, bakugo doesn’t hug low. his arms are always placed high on your back, right below your shoulders, making it so that your arms have no choice but to wrap around his neck.

✦ bakugo really only hugs you when you’re not in front of people, and aren’t home. hugs, to him, are a quick substitute to cuddling when he’s feeling really needy.

¬ j (jealousy): how jealous do they get? what do they do when they get jealous?

✦ if we all watched the same show, we know that this man would get jealous, but not very often. he’s not a super insecure person, but there are some exceptions.

✦ unlike when he’s always yelling at people, when it comes to being jealous over his s/o, he would stick to giving dirty glares and death stares. to be honest, he wouldn’t even yell at the person unless they’re making an actual move on you. he knows that you wouldn’t cheat on him, so he’s really only worried about the other person. but then again, he knows that you can handle yourself... he’ll still keep an eye on you though.

¬ k (kisses): what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?

✦ bakugo’s kisses are probably the most passionate out of anyone in the entire universe. when he kisses his s/o, it’s like he pours all of his feelings out through the touch of his lips.

✦ the gentle hold of his hands placed flush against your hips sends tingles up your spine. his kisses are gentle, yet demanding. like he can’t get enough of the butterflies he gets just from the touch of your burning skin. the firm press of his soft lips against yours is enough to make you dizzy. he doesn’t leave any room for air when he’s needy.

✦ bakugo’s favorite place to kiss you is on your lips. for a man that didn’t have much physical affection throughout his life, he feels that kissing your most sensitive places is more intimate than anywhere else. plus, he doesn’t really get butterflies from kissing you on your cheek.

✦ for katsuki, his favorite place to be kissed was on his lips as well... until he found a knack for wanting rewarding/comforting forehead kisses.

bakugo sighed deeply as he held his head low. his fingers were intertwined as his elbows pressed into the top of his thighs. “what’s wrong, honey?” you asked. he looked up with heavy lids. his eyes were full of doubt. self-doubt. “nothing’s wrong.” he said with a slight growl in his voice. you knelt down in front of him while lifting his chin, forcing him to look up at you. “let me help you, baby.” your calm voice flowed like the waters of a quiet brook.

“i don’t need your help...” he attempted to turn away, but your fingers caught his chin. “katsuki,” your tone was firm, “look at me.” the sound of your voice made his heart jump. his usual stubbornness was instantly torn down by his own internal desperation for comfort. he didn’t fight back again, he didn’t try to push you away. instead, he let you brush the pad of your thumb across his trembling cheek. the instant your skin touched, he instinctively leant into your touch.

“what if… i’m not… as strong as i think i am?” his painful words stung your chest. the room was filled with silence as he anticipated your next words. it felt like eternity before you finally responded. but instead, you shook your head at him. “you’re not.” his mouth fell agape as his eyes snapped to meet yours. they followed your movement as you rose to your feet. brushing his blonde hair away from his forehead, you cupped his cheeks, and pressed a gentle, reassuring kiss to his forehead. “you’re stronger.”

with the flutter of his heart, his worries began to fade. within a few seconds, katsuki’s arms snaked around your waist and pulled you closer.

“…do that again.”

1/4/21

[t4tdeanwinchester]

I think if your best friend and love of your life was dying right in front of you because he was finally happy, you’d probably try your hardest to make him miserable if it would literally save his life. *five minutes after having that thought* okay here’s 1.2k words about it

~~~

Dean thinks, for a moment, that the world is ending. There’s a ringing in his ears and his vision is blurry and his whole body is shaking; he feels like he’s dying. But Cas is still smiling and distantly, Dean can still hear Death at the door. So no, there’s no earthquake and no hurricane. The whole world isn’t ending. Just Dean’s.

“Don’t do this Cas,” he says. Why isn’t he saying anything else? Saying me too, saying you’re beautiful, saying love, I love you, I love you too? He opens his mouth and what comes out instead is, “You selfish asshole. Why are you doing this?”

It occurs to Dean, over the rushing of blood in his ears, what he needs to do. Because it’s always been this, hasn’t it? He’d rather hurt Cas, break his heart, break him apart, then let him go. He’ll hurt him if it’ll make him stay, and he’s the selfish asshole for that. He knows that. He keeps going anyway. It’s like he can’t stop himself. It’s like he doesn’t want to. If he can just make Cas miserable, he won’t die, won’t leave him again.  

“You think you’ve got a monopoly on deathbed confessions?” Dean’s voice is hoarse, but the anger he doesn’t have to fake. “Well you can take your speech and shove it where the sun don’t shine.” Dean’s breathing is getting faster, more frantic, and he’s waiting, waiting, waiting for Cas’ face to shutter, to break, to close off. He’s still smiling, though it’s muted by something somber. Pity, maybe.

“Dean,” he starts, and the way he says Dean’s name, like it’s a blessing to hold the letters in his mouth, like he could make a home out of one single syllable… well, it breaks something in Dean. The ringing stops with a sudden clarity, and then he can hear all of the silence and all of the time escaping the room, and he knows his best friend is going to die.

“Fuck you,” he snarls, and he can’t say the words fast enough. “You’re really so damn stupid. You think this is gonna end with me sweepin’ you off your feet?” Dean’s grasping at straws, and where he tries to put venom into his voice, there’s nothing but heartbreak, deep and sad and– well, heartbreaking. He’s desperate now. He’ll say anything to break Cas’ heart like he’s breaking his own. “What, one last kiss before eternal rest?” Dean’s sneer is broken and ugly, because now all he can think about is kissing Cas, how much he wants to get close to him, feel him warm and solid and alive against him so he can prove he’s still breathing. How he’ll probably never get to. He’s the damn stupid one. “Bet you want to,” he croaks, and oh, he wants. Aches for it, desperately. He realizes now he’s crying. He has been for some time. “Bet you wanna kiss me,” his voice breaks, and finally, Cas is striding forward, arms coming to cradle Dean where he sags like all his strings have been cut.

“I do,” Cas says. Dean clutches at the back of his coat. “I do.” His voice is raw but he’s holding Dean sweetly, like it’s a privilege rather than a burden, like he’s happy to bear him.

Dean feels sick, like the world is a teetering merry-go-round, spinning faster and faster until all the horses come loose. They’d watched Marry Poppins the other night, Dean and Cas and Jack and Sam. Jack had asked if they could get a horse for the bunker after watching the race scene, all the horses coming to life and breaking free from their confines. Dean had smiled at the kid, at how much he looked and sounded and acted like Cas. He can’t think about Jack right now, not least of all because he knows what it’s like to live with one parent missing, to grow up with devastation hanging heavy everywhere you go. He can’t have that happen to his kid.

“You can’t leave, Cas,” he says wretchedly. “I hate you, you can’t leave me.” They both know what Dean’s saying when he says he hates him. One of Cas’ hands comes up to hold Dean at the back of his neck, palm cupped gently around his skull as he clutches him close.

And then, quick like lightning, like getting the rug pulled out from under your feet, quick like the heart monitor going flat: Cas pulls away roughly, creating space between them, holding Dean’s shoulder one last time, body tight with the intent to shove him away.

“Goodbye, Dean,” he says, taking a moment, perhaps indulgently, to bring his unoccupied hand across the void between them to rest lightly on Dean’s cheek, his forehead, his mouth. He’s touching every part of Dean’s face, wiping away his tears in so much as he’s mapping the expanse of him, like he might forget. And all Dean can think is that there’s going to be no more Marry Poppins family movie nights. No more Jack asking for increasingly strange pets and Cas indulging him when Dean refuses. No more singing softly along with Julie Andrews because Mary used to sing those songs to get him to sleep, and sometimes it was the only thing that would get baby Sammy to calm down after a long night on the cold road and it’s still got the only lullabies he can remember – no looking over to see Cas watching him softly, blue and green and purple light from the TV splashed across his face. No more wondering what would happen if he’d reached out to hold Cas’ hand. He should’ve tried. He should’ve held anything Cas would’ve been willing to give him, and even the things he didn’t want to give. He’d hold all of him now, if he could.

“I hate you,” Dean whispers, voice like brittle bone, broken in several places. Cas’ fingers take one last trip to the dip of Dean’s mouth before he pulls his fingers back, tightens the hand holding the shoulder that he’d claimed over a decade ago, holding on tight to the body that’s always been his, even before Dean himself realized it.

With a shuddering smile and a quick shove, Cas has Dean falling against the wall.

The door bangs open.

Black emptiness is starting to ooze in through a rift in reality.

“I hate you,” Dean says, not so much a shout but a sob, “I hate you.” He’s like a broken record, he’s like a sinner in the gallows. This is his Hail Mary. Too bad Cas is fluent in prayer. Too bad he understands what Dean’s really saying. Too bad it isn’t enough to make him stay.

“I know. Dean,” Cas says as the Empty frames him, making him look, for one last time, winged. Ethereal. Something else entirely. “I know. I’m sorry. I love you.” Cas goes on mouthing the words to him, even when he stops being able to talk. There’s empty in his gut and his mouth and his eyes but the shape of him is still smiling. The shape of Cas is still mouthing I love you. And then the blackness surrounds him, consumes him, and Dean tracks the shape of his face until it is nothing but darkness, until nobody is there in the room but himself.

The grief is so thick Dean thinks he’s going to choke on it. He thinks his world is ending. He’s crying again. He thinks maybe he’s the one that died. 

So it goes.

[kissme-hs]

Tainted love: 3

Here it is!! I’m so sorry it took me so long to update it but let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy it.

~Ria

Pairing: Fem! Reader x Chris Evans

Warnings: None.

*_*_*_*_*_*

Hatred is far from the feeling you felt. You were disgusted. Utterly disgusted with the man you put your trust and faith and your heart into who did nothing but took it for granted and it all into little crumbs of pain. All this time you blamed yourself for HIS actions that he not only did while being in his complete sense but knowing how wrong it is-continued doing it. The image you had of Chris in your mind now vanished, the man you once thought deserved to be prayed now made your stomach churn because of how shameful he turned out to be.

After sending him the text you thought, oh you thought that he would realize what he lost, that he would feel a little bit at least of regret in the back of his head but you were so wrong. It not only made you feel worthless but made you realize instead how your love meant nothing to him, how all those years you spent in each other’s arm vowing to each other to be in love until the end of time was nothing but a lie to him. Where to you it meant your entire life.

One doesn’t stay with a person for three years not to just fuck and say I love you’s for fun. With the years the feelings grow strong and at some point, you start fantasizing marrying that person, having kids with the person, grow old with the person. But when one decides to go and cheat, putting all the years of love in ignorance and throwing it all in the pit of darkness not only everything changes but the dreams once knitted by the eyes of the one who remained faithful in love, who was the true lover gets struck by the lightening of reality. And once the dreams crashes, it becomes nearly impossible to dream again because the dreamer starts seeing the real world.

Fuck dreams.

Became your to go motto ever since you knocked on his door.

The heavy teal door opened after a few knocks as you held your breath getting yourself ready to face the man who ripped your heart apart. But instead you were met by a pair of green eyes, gorgeous eyes. She stood there in his hoodie and a pair of short showing her perfect toned legs. Her dirty blonde hair and fuller plumps would made any man lose his girl and go crawling to her. She was an absolute piece of art.

“Chris we have someone here for you” She yelled leaning back a bit so the man could hear her. She gave you a side smile as a gesture of kindness. She was aware she was a homewrecker, she knew how much Chris loved you and she also knew being a good friend she should’ve stopped him when things became a routine between them two but she couldn’t say no to him. Chris would make any women go crawling to him too. She was equally shameful for what she has done not as close to how Chris was feeling but still. So when Chris asked her to come over explaining her what happen which she knew would some day she didn’t hesitate coming over comforting him.

“i-im Samantha” she replied stepping aside letting you step inside of your his house. The smell of familiar cologne and candles hit your nostrils making you tear up from the past good memories. Gi ving her a tiniest sad smile and a nod, you stepped inside of the house. Turning your gaze up to the sound of approaching footsteps you saw the man, and oh sweet jesus you thought you’d hate him but how could you when the feeling of love was always greater than hatred. But the pain crept up when you saw Samantha walking to him and rubbing his side comforting him, though she was guilty, she still at some point enjoyed the attention Chris gave her.

Though she might have a portion of kindness in her heart she was known for breaking homes. She was used to getting in pants of men who were committed. It made her feel special; it made her feel like gold that everyone loved chasing. Especially in this case, knowing what a prize Chris’s girlfriend, you were she was over the moon. She loved how Chris was willing to give up a beautiful woman with a proper job and who had her life sorted for someone who was nothing compared to you.

“Y/n” he breathed out ignoring the woman rubbing his arm. His eyes getting wet seeing your face after days. Jeez only if he could kiss you and tell you how much he missed you and loved you.

“I-im sorry, I’m so sorry” He said walking to you as you raised your hand telling him to stop, which he understood nodding his head and taking a step back. He felt the ache in his heart.

“He really is sorry, he told me everything after you texted him so I came running” Samantha uttered rubbing Chris’s back. It did nothing to you but made your blood boil as you closed your eyes and took a deep breath not wanting to say something which could hurt her feelings. Opening your mouth telling her to leave you heard Chris say that instead.

“Can I ask you to leave please?” He asked her taking a deep breath trying not to yell either.

“I-“

“Get out, get off my property” you spat. You and Chris jointly brought this house so you wouldn’t feel a burden on him being the independent woman you were. Feeling like she was shamed in front of two successful people, Samantha gathered her stuff and left within the next coming minute. Though you were a softie, there was no doubt you has a powerful side too.

“I’m sorry baby, I am so sorry. Please give me a second chance.”

“Why Chris? Why did you cheat on me? Was my love was not enough for you to sleeping with her. Tell me Chris did you not feel a little bit of shame fucking on OUR bed? Tell me why did you have to go and do that making me look like a fool? Why did you waste my time? WHY DID YOU FAKED THE LOVE if you wanted to cheat?” You finally let it out. You were crying at this not giving a fuck. He deserved to see how broken he left you. You were not going to act like everything was fine, like you didn’t care when you felt dead inside.

“No. No baby. Never for once I ever faked my love for you.” He cried cupping your cheeks-you finally let him touch you because you wanted to feel his warmth on your cold skin. His own eyes crying as you sobbed yourself.

“I-I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know why I decided to chase a rock when I had the most precious diamond. She is nothing compared to you. Nothing. I love you so much” He whispered resting his forehead against yours. You knew deep down he meant what he said. You felt the words hitting your body making your knees go week but it was for the best. The separation. So pushing him back slightly you gathered your broken pieces up.

“I just came to tell you that I am moving to California. I will always cherish the good memories you gave me” you gave him a broken smile wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

“No please give me one more chance” Chris pleaded grabbing your hands. His defeated eyes begged yours to give in, to see that he wasn’t lying anymore. That he was truly sorry for what he has done but being the strong headed woman you are, you shook your head and wiped his tears with your hand before cupping his cheek.

“It’s for the best. I still love you, but it’s not the same Chris. Let me let you go”

That was an year ago. An year ago you left the man standing on his porch as you turned your back on his forever, making your way to the new life that waited ahead of you in Los Angeles. The city of angels. The city that gave you a chance to put your words into songs, let your shattered voice sing it in a melody helping you reach out to him without reaching out to him.

And today you stood in front of over 100 amazing successful celebrities who warmly welcomed you in the family of Hollywood and decided to join you for your album launch party. You didn’t hesitate writing down your deepest condolences you had for yourself and singing it out. Every word people heard in the songs came from the bottom of your heart. Came within the true feeling of getting lost and found again.

Getting into the industry wasn’t hard for you. You were already a known person working for Hollywood and it not only being the reason how you met Chris it also gave you an opportunity  to let your talent out. All those months you spent working hard to get acceptance by one of the music producers was the time when Chris was fucking Samantha. Only if he stayed the night you begged him to, he would’ve known it all.

Your album was dedicated to Chris. No one knew expect you. No one could know anyways.

Stepping down the mini platform where you expressed you gratitude to the audience you made your way to where the bar was set up to drink in the emotions that were bubbling up your throat from all the love you received to the pain that still ached in every nerve in your body. It was impossible to erase the memory of him fucking Samantha from your head. You were proud to you say you tried. Tried every way of escaping his face haunting your dreams every night. The feelings choking you down. The pain eating you alive. But you couldn’t.

“What you said there was beautiful.” You heard the deep voice of the man who you left standing on the door of Boston an year ago. Turning your body around, mentally preparing yourself for the wave of mixed emotions to hit you like a truck you faced his adorningly beautiful face. His beard looked fuller and his hair fluffier. He looked the same but his eyes looked dead, just like they were when you left.

“Thank you.” You gave him a broken smile.

“Can we talk? Please?” He asked you with eyes full of hope and you nodded letting him guide you out to the balcony that had the perfect view of the city. He deserved some time with you after an year of you completely blocking him out. He deserved to know that the words coming out of your mouth in the song were written about him.

“It about you, you know. The album” You said walking over to the railing looking at the illuminous city.

“I figured, I never knew you were working on something so big.” He stood beside you.

“You would have if you stayed”

“Listen, I’m not going to waste any more time. Im here to beg you back in life, I am sorry for what I have done but please give me a chance. That one year spent without you was my living hell. Everyday I prayed for you to come back but you never did and there’s no question why. I am a horrible man but I promise if you let me prove it that I am so much better than I was I wont let you down. I will love you even more than I ever have” he said with a soft voice guilt dripping with every word he spoke making you turn around to face him. His eyes glistening with tears and his hands holding each other in front of his chest.

Man was literally begging you.

“Hey you are not a horrible man.” You whispered walking to him as you put his hands down and held his one cheek in your hand. He instantly nuzzled his nose feeling your skin after days of being away from you. His knees were giving away and so was his heart.

“We all make mistakes but learning from them and moving on is important. I forgave you the minute I stepped away from our relationship. You’re nothing but still the most precious man I ever had” you said. Your own eyes picking the tears.

“then give me a chance” he spoke kissing your palm staring down In your eyes making your belly turn in knots.

“I cant. I have moved on Chris” You said breaking his heart. He breathed out biting his lower lip as he looked on. He never felt so defeated and helpless. But this is what he deserved for throwing away the best he ever had. For not respecting the beautiful relationship and woman he was meant to guard. He opened his mouth but the lump in his throat got in the way. He could just break down.

“Then let me be your friend. I just want to be in your life. Make up for what I’ve missed. Please don’t say no.” He trembled in fear you would reject him but instead you nod your head and pull him in a hug knowing he would break if you didn’t. Still knowing him like the back of your head you gave in his request hoping you could contain the emotions.

It is said, two who once fell in love can never be friends. Once in love, always in love.

So you stood there holding him, closed your eyes letting the man calm his cries. Falling back in the chakra of tainted love.

-

Tags

@captainchrisstan

@evansphnx12

@adriannajackson

[mansions-maiden]

Calm my storms, (comte x mc)

in is a sudden writing post and I had an immense desire to write this. It’s totally a self indulgent post.    HAd sudden need to write angst post WARNINGS: Just a bit of angst. summary: comte calms down mc as her anxiety kicks in.  

Btw, this mc is somewhat different from game’s mc. So please don’t take this mc’s character as original mc’s character. 

MC POV:  

These days , I often found myself getting anxious about the uncertainty of the future.  

I got irritated and so shaky. I felt my breaths getting sharper whenever anxiety kicked in. I thought of ignoring it and spending my time as usual, but I couldn’t take it anymore.. my mind was done faking that it was doing alright when it couldn’t take anymore.. 

So I was ran quickly. Ran through my room doors. Through the mansion corridors and the gardens. I kept on running even though the residents stopped by to ask me where I was going. I just didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything except the urgency to let out all of my pent up emotions that have been consuming me from inside. Let out the thoughts that have been crashing onto me like a violent tempest in the calm seas. 

My heart was heavy with all the negative thoughts and fears, just like the clouds  in the sky are heavy with the waters. My mind was racing with myriad of thoughts, that whispered to me like the darkest souls whispering about the darkest sins as I ran through the halls. 

I reached my hiding spot, and immediately looked around to see if anyone was there. ‘Thank the gods, no one was there..’ I thought to myself just as a single tear ran down my cheek. And then began the endless stream of tears. I began sobbing loudly, screaming a bit but taking care no one hears my screams.

The time  flied by since then without my knowledge. 

As I continued my sobs, I suddenly heard a call from the distance. I strained my ear to listen again, and then, my name was heard. “ MC!! MC!! Where are you?!” My heart suddenly gave a loud and unpleasant thud and I began moving deep into the hiding spot so that no one can find me, while covering my mouth tightly with my hands, as sobs threatened to escape my lips.   

“Who would want to see me in this pathetic and most vulnerable state? They’re gonna think I’m annoying.. I don’t wanna burden them with my problems..” I thought as I continued moving. 

And then I suddenly I bumped into something. My eyes widened as soon as I looked up. Le comte was standing there, blocking the way to the exit.  I was afraid all of a sudden, for I thought he would laugh at my state. I felt a strong grip on my hand that prevented me from leaving as I began running away. I  tried covering my face with my other hand as I didn’t want him to see my face. 

But he caught my other hand faster than I could cover my face and pulled me towards him gently. “ What happened ma Cherie? What are these tears for? Who hurt you?” He asked with worry clear in his golden eyes as he stared at me. 

I was still on high alert, having been found. My adrenaline was high and  I was trying hard to release myself from his grip only to find it futile. His grip on me only tightened, but it didn’t hurt. He was gentle as he pulled me yet closer to him and soon I found myself engulfed in his arms. 

I tried getting away again only to find the hands snaked around my body tighten a little. 

“I don’t know what happened cherie. And I’m sorry if I’m being forceful but, I will keep you locked in my arms until you tell me why you’re crying. It hurts to see your face with tears instead of the smile that adorns your face..”  His voice was dangerously soothing to my heart. That  only made me want to run away. 

“Why do you care about me comte?! Who are you to me?! Please stay away!! I don’t want anyone to come after me!” I told him a bit louder, intending to hurt his feelings a little so that he would turn away from me as I began resisting him again. 

But how wrong I was. “I’m sorry for intruding cherie. Even if I’m no one to you, you are very dear to me. So it’s natural I feel this concern towards you even if you push me away.” He said, still keeping me engulfed in his arms.    

The faint fragrance of his cologne along with his soothing voice was calming my mind a little and threatening to spill my fears and insecurities to this man. 

But I was already clutching his coat  tightly as more tears ran down my cheek, but this time, without the fear that someone might hear me. I don’t know when it happened, but I found myself  engulfed in his arms completely and he was rocking me against his chest soothingly. 

I think I cried for a long time in his arms, as he continued his efforts to stop my cries. He would whisper soothing and reassuring words in my ear and eventually, I calmed down but my eyes were puffy from crying. 

“Are you ready to tell me what happened MC?” I nodded a little and began telling that I’ve been feeling anxious and uncertain since a week or two and also explained him how I tried to cover it, but it just broke today and I was at my limits. I tried to stop from blabbering about this issue, but his warm gaze and golden eyes lured me in like a siren’s song and soon, I told him the complete story. 

“ I- I suddenly remembered all of my childhood  promises, dreams and other things before I stepped into this mansion comte. I suddenly felt very nostalgic and a bit sad, knowing that I had broken so many of the dreams I had dreamt as a little girl. Some of them came true. While some of them shattered into pieces. And I began feeling uncertain about what the future might hold for me. I do not say I regret staying behind here in this mansion with you all. But sometimes, the uncertainty scares me very much comte..” 

Comte sighed softly before pulling me a bit closer. and I then realized we have been on a bench. 

“Ma cherie, I can fully understand your problem. Having lived through centuries, I too felt a bit uncertain about the eternal lifetime I have to live through in my early ages..” Comte took my small hand into his large hands and squeezed them gently. It felt so warm and comforting that I felt my worries began to fade away little by little. 

"But.. here’s the thing I  learnt as I continued living... Learn to expect the unexpected and embrace it.. The dreams will always change throughout your life. You might think that you have a vision of entire life perfectly planned out. But when we face a situation we haven’t prepared ourselves, we lose our spirits and become demotivated.. You can sail through the storm of your problems only when you look at it courageously and accept it wholeheartedly.. Each first time is a new adventure.. And you will enjoy the process.And with your loved ones by your side, you can always figure out the way. And our childhood dreams, you say? We are never too late to realise them. When you realise that life itself is the greatest gift you've been given, you will never feel uncertain again. it's just a beautiful adventure and one needs to realise it's beauty.." I felt his hand caress my cheek and run through my hair and I finally relaxed myself. I felt the sudden need to hug him again, but this time out of gratefulness and happiness. I hugged him from the side, and he smiled gently before returning my hug and resting his chin on my head. " I'm so so grateful to the destiny for giving me this life and making me meet you all comte. Especially you. Thank you so much for coming into my life comte ..." I said with a bashful smile and looked into his eyes, only to find them widened a little and soon a bright smile was on his face. "Always ma cherie, you are most important to me. I couldn't be more thankful for your decision to stay here with us.." I asked him to stay with me just a bit longer as I absorbed his kind words and his warmth he was sharing via the hug...And I realised. He's always there to calm down the storms in my heart and he's a warm sunshine that penetrates through those storms and reach me, warming my heart 

 PS: A reminder again that this was totally self indulgent. I wanted a hug so I imagined this scenario..So please don't be rude if there are any parts you didn't like. thank you. I also used a little reference from miraculous ladybug

[waywardsons-imagines]

I’m Not Okay

Author - Admin Aingeal

Characters - Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Y/N

Pairing - None

Summary/Request - When Y/N runs off on yet another suicide mission, the brothers find her having taken down an entire nest of vampires. They are determined to figure out what has been driving her, before it’s too late.

Word Count - 1,960

Warnings - Angst, Descriptions of Depression, Mentions of Blood (from killing vampires) (If you spot any other warnings I should add, please let me know so I can edit this post to include them!)

A/N - Based on the song “I’m Not Okay” by Citizen Soldier

Story -

The rain was pouring. With everything I had been dealing with inside, it was as if the sky decided to cry with me and just let it all out at once.

I stood there in the parking lot with my arms out as if I was trying to catch the water with my bare hands.

Machete in one hand - blood dripping onto the pavement from my fingers & the large blade, more still running down my shirt and finding its way to the ground around me, mixing with the water to form unique artwork around me.

Tonight - the monsters that inhabit my brain are screaming so damn loud. I can’t ignore them any longer. The walls I built up so that I would never have to hear their voices couldn’t go any higher.

I hear the rumble of an engine in the distance. They are approaching quickly, sure, but will they make it in time?

The person that they see, day in and day out, is nothing more than a mask. A facade. A blatant lie.

But it’s also the only way to cope that I’ve ever known.

Being the real me - broken, scared, desperate for something I can never obtain - has only ever resulted in being more and more alone in this world.

I hear the purr of the engine a short distance behind me - the doors slamming shut in their hurry, and their booming voices carrying through over the din of the downpour.

“Y/N! What the hell were you thinking?!”

Their footsteps cause distinct splashes as they make their way to where I stand. I find the sound amusing for as morbid a moment this has become.

“Dean, chill,” Sam interjected, seemingly noticing my exasperation of their presence. “She’s fine; that’s the important thing.”

I am far more thankful for the water falling from the sky than I ever have been before. It is hiding the falling tears and making it that much easier to replace the mask I need for the interaction ahead.

“Sorry guys,” I keep my tone stoic and passively positive as always as I turn to face them. “I got a lead, and I took my chance before they could move again.”

“Sorry?” Dean bit out. “All you can say is ‘sorry guys’? We were worried sick, Y/N!” His voice was rough as always.

“Dean!”

“No, Sam! Not this time!” His hand was out, waving to dismiss his brother. “What the fuck is going on with you, Y/N!? Sneaking off, not telling a damn one of us where the hell you’re going off to. Taking on demons, werewolves, even a fucking wendigo - ALONE.”

I felt unattached from my body. As if watching overhead at the scene playing out below me. With a stoic blink, I heard myself respond, “I don’t see what the big deal is. I came out of each one alive and well.”

I sidestep the brothers and start the sadly short journey to my car on the other side of the vast open lot.

“Look, Y/N,” Sam said softly. I could just hear the resignation. “We’re just worried. Taking on those creatures is dangerous; let alone doing it without backup. And now you’re here taking out an entire nest of vampires?”

He tried to stay strong - not the ever tough soldier his brother was, but the solid rock we all came to expect. I could hear his voice break, though, despite his best efforts.

I turn back and lock eyes with each of them again, all while still taking steps back toward the vehicles. I could feel how dead my stare was; I could feel how painfully emotionless my face rested.

‘I’m not okay - can’t you see that?’ I want to shout at them.

I have so much to say, but no one to hear it.

Despite how much is at stake, keeping quiet not burdening the brothers - or their angel - with the battle inside myself.

I feel the emotions clash - the want and the need to tell them everything, right here and right now - the futility of it, seeping in and convincing me they don’t care.

So, I let the monsters win, silencing me once again. Lying to myself, they’d never understand why it’s so hard to say that I’m not okay.

“I’m fine, Sam. Really.”

“Then what is your excuse?” Dean cut in. “What is your reason for going out on these suicide missions? I mean, come on Y/N, let’s face it - you’re either hell-bent on destruction, or you’re just being stupid. And we both know you are smarter than Sam and I put together. So what’s the deal? What’s next? Trying to take on HellHounds?!”

I blinked heavily.

I wish I had an answer. I wish I had a scar, a bruise, something to show the proof of the battles I face, day in and day out. Something to show for the invisible abuse - faced with the choice to either be judged or hideaway in secret as I inevitably choose to do.

I let out a soft but long sigh. “I have no answer for you. Not one you’d accept anyway.”

Words may be my only option. The only visible symptom to show for the battle that wages is the sheer desire to end the torment that is my life.

I look at the two of them for a moment before finally breaking away to turn back - back to my car, back to my escape, back to a place where they can’t see the battle playing out in my mind. I can only hide so much. The tears were beginning to fall once again.

I hear the steps approaching. Their long strides make it easy work to catch up to where I am. Feeling a hand grip my upper arm and spin me around quickly - my face must have physically shown how distraught and angry I am. Unable to hide my emotions as I usually would - my gaze clashed with the glaring green eyes of Dean’s boring into me.

The reason I say my face must’ve revealed more than I wanted is because, after a long but instant moment, I saw his face drop.

In all the years we’ve been fighting together, he has never seen this side of me, and for a good reason.

“Y/N? Wh-” he releases his grip on my arm, running his hand down his face, contemplating. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, Dean,” I say, schooling my features. “Forget it.” Quickly I ground myself, now trying to turn my features to stone - removing any trace of the ever hidden emotions that were trying to pour out.

“Bullshit.” His voice stopped me dead in my tracks. “Talk to me,” he said and shared a silent look to his brother, almost as if to confirm he didn’t imagine things, “Talk to us.”

“What’s going on, Y/N?” Sam joined. “You know you don’t have to hide things from us.”

“I’m fine. Just -”

“No. You’re not, okay,” Sam interjected, joining Dean in speaking firmly. “Something is wrong; tell us.” Sam was quiet for a moment before adding, “Please.”

I felt guilty as I noticed his voice break.

Staring at the brothers, I felt a mixture of emotions — contempt, love, bitterness, relief.

“Fine,” I bit out.

Perhaps knowing it was a losing battle, I caved for the first time in my life. “I’m not okay. You’re right. But I don’t have the words to explain the hell that goes on within my mind on a daily basis.”

“Try.” Dean retorted instantly, seamlessly - I hadn’t even finished speaking. I knew he was trying to offer comfort, in his ‘unattached,’ ‘too cool for attachment’ way.

“Humor us,” he added after a beat of me not responding.

I looked at him with a pinched look, shaking my head. I could feel every emotion ripping through me like a storm.

“I am in a constant state of being numb, Dean,” I finally said. “Numb to emotions, numb to life itself. Most people survive because they can see that light at the end of the tunnel - but for me?” I shake my head. “There is no light. It’s all just a dark cage without a key, just suffocating darkness and weight, with demons screaming at me. I don’t control my thoughts anymore; they control me.”

Sam shook his head now. “Y/N, why didn’t you say something? We can help you get through whatever this is.” Sam tried taking my hand, trying to offer some sort of comfort.

“It’s not a phase, Sam.” I pull my hand free abruptly, ignoring the pain in my chest from seeing Sam’s hurt expression. “It’s who I am, all I ever have been. I’m never going to be safe, always inching closer to that final breaking point.”

Dean seemed exasperated. “That’s fine,” he said. “If you break, that’s okay. Just don’t hide, and don’t go running off.”

Dean wrapped his arms around me with a strength I couldn’t gently pull away from, pulling me in close but still speaking loud enough that Sam could hear, “We’ll help you pick up the pieces. We’re a family, like it or not, punk. As a member of this family, you’re not allowed to quit.”

My brow furrowed the moment he called me family.

Dean, holding me at arm's length, graced me with a small, awkward smile. “Look, this may be a battle you feel you have to face solo, and so be it,” he motioned with one of his hands as if dismissing the thought, “but don’t quit on us. Sam and I, we’re here, always. Even if you just need to sit in silence with someone, so you aren’t alone. We get it; we’ve all been through a lot.”

I couldn’t stop staring at him, conflicted and upset - his grip on my arms felt heavy. Itchy and uncomfortable, as the only place I wanted to be right now was in my car. The rain had long since stopped or lightened - I couldn’t tell - but I just wanted to start the engine — bake in the heater. Drive.

After a long awkward beat of silence, Dean rolled his eyes lightly in slight awkward annoyance. “This is the part where you say: ‘back atcha! We’re a team!’ Y/N.”

I took light offense to how he mocked my voice, but it didn’t matter.

With a light, honestly fake feeling laugh, I removed his arms from mine.

“You don’t entirely get it, Dean.”

Dean scoffed lightly. “What, are you saying we don’t have hard times too? I can guarantee we—“

In an outburst I couldn’t control, I snapped. “Stop! Okay?? I’m not dismissing that you two have had a shitty life! I’m saying you don’t hear what goes on in my head, Dean.”

Sam, raising a placating hand, tried to calm me. “Please, Y/N, we may not understand what exactly is going on, but we understand your reactions to it.”

I just stood still, breathing hard - trying so hard not to cry.

Sam took this as a sign to continue. “Y/N, we care for you. And honestly, we don’t think anyone should be alone with thoughts like that.”

I felt my face melt like paper catching on fire - every emotion displayed as I felt my chin tense, and my lips quiver as I burst into tears.

The brothers’ embrace was welcome, however wet.

The emotions were not as welcome, but it was unstoppable.

Dean was closest to my ear as I sobbed, and I heard him softly say, “You’re not okay, but you will be. We’re with you every step of the way.”

A part of me hated him saying that, but I couldn’t ignore the relief I felt.

Maybe I would be okay.

[bunnyywritings]

no one else but you

Greed x fem!reader

[a/n: thank you for another request! It’s been a hot minute since I re-watched FMAB so I’m a little rusty with the characters. I think I made him rlly soft here...This is set after Promised Day with a twist! Greed lives, has control over his body and tries to start a new life with his s/o. What’s in BOLD is the reader dreaming. enjoy! -yours truly, bunnyy-`ღ´-  ps. I 100/10 do not recommend writing after being awake for like 29 hours lol I lost my train of thought waaaaaay too many times while writing this ]

“What? You thought I still wanted to be with you?” The disgust in his voice made the pit in your stomach grow. “You seem to forget who I am. I’m Greed.”

“But I thought-” You were cut off by a scoff.

“I didn’t think there was anything useful in there.” The was he was belittling you was the last straw, your shoulders shaking uncontrollably as tears streamed down your flushed cheeks like a waterfall.

“W-why are you s-saying these t-things? This isn’t l-like you!” You pleaded.

“Yeah, well that was when the twerp was still in charge. I hate to break it to you sweetheart, you don’t know me at all.” A wicked grin curled his lips, the hardening of his outer-shell grabbed your attention. It encased just his arm. Before you could say anything else, he used that hand and grabbed you by the throat. His grip was deadly as he picked you up from your knelt position on the floor. “Now if you’re done with your yapping, I don’t need you anymore. You were nothing but a hindrance.” he emphasized his words with a growl before tossing you onto the bed,

“Good riddance, (y/n).”He spat and you watched his back as he walked past the doorway.

“N-no! Greed! G-Greed please! Please d-don’t leave me!” Your hoarse voice fell onto deaf ears. “Please don’t go...”

You jolted awake in a cold sweat, tears leaking from your eyes as you curled into yourself, tugging the duvet closer to your body.

Greed had been away for about a week or so, saying he had “things to take care of.” Whatever that meant, you had no idea. You just knew that it had nothing to do with this ‘Father’ character either, but you never really questioned Greed. You trusted him. Even if he was a homonculous and even if he was an ex-member of a secret military that tried to take over the government. With Greed’s newfound freedom, he was eager to start over. Start a new life with him. He was different though, it wasn’t like ‘GreedLing’ as Edward liked to call him, he was completely greed. Through and through. It was like a total personality change. He still respected you and loved you, there was no doubt about it. However, you couldn’t help but feel inadequate when he would return to your shared apartment after running an errand and would brag about how many girls, and guys, wanted his attention. Saying things about how gorgeous/handsome they were, and how they basically threw themselves at him. Not to mention all the perks that he had received by just existing. Discounts on clothing, or the butcher lady “looking the other way’ and giving him an extra pound of meat, free of charge. Slowly, your insecurities came into the light. Being afraid that one day he’d find another girl that you were no match for. One that had an amazing body, smarts to match his wit. You feared it so much that it was a recurring nightmare that you had been having for weeks. Greed had noticed how off you were acting and asked if you were okay and not wanting to burden him with your silly thoughts, you just shrugged him off. Fake smile painted on your lips as the phrase, “I’m fine.” seemed to leave them at least 4 times a day.

He had called you a day or two ago and said that he’d be back soon. How long was soon? Had he already found someone else? Were you really someone that wasn’t worth his time and attention....pfft. What were you thinking? Of course you weren’t, he deserved so much better. He deserved a girl who wouldn’t hate what she saw in the mirror. He wouldn’t want a girl who wasn’t smart and witty like he was. He’s Greed. He only wants, and deserves, the best of the best.

These thoughts plagued your mind as you went through the day, trying to fill the time. Doing useless things. Cleaning everything at least 5 times over, or picking up a book and getting comfortable on the couch only to put the book down 15 minutes later. Mind racing with unanswered questions and suspicions.

As the day passed by and the sun started to say its final goodbyes with an array of reds and oranges smeared across the sky, the fear in your tummy swelled. You reluctantly got ready for bed, dreading every second that passes by. Hours passed, you laid in the dark resisting the way your heavy eyelids dropped closed. If you didn’t sleep, you didn’t dream. Simple. Easier said than done.

Disappointment filling your entire being as you gave in. Letting your eyelids shut and sleep tug at your subconscious mind. An surely enough, those fears plagued your dreams. Leaving you to toss and turn in the sheets, mumbled phrases escaping your lips.

“(Y/n) this is Lust, she’s an...old friend.” During that pause, you definitely didn’t miss the way his eyes were running over the curves of her scantily clad body. A thing, serpentine smirk grew on her lips. The dark crimson color shimmering under the golden light of mid-day. “I thought it was finally time for a change of pace so, it’s time for you to go.” The grin on his lips was playful but his eyes were piercing into you, in any way but playful.

As you looked her over, you weren’t surprised why he had picked her over you. Her breasts were perky and perfect, her curvy yet slim body was enticing in a way that yours never could be (so you thought), her lips may have been thinner than yours but they seemed to fit her small frame perfectly. Her stomach was flat and probably didn’t protrude when she sat comfortably (it so did), and the way Greed was hungrily eyeing her definitely gave away his own selfish intentions of getting himself off.

“What? But w-where would I-“ your stutters were cut off by Greed making an exclamation.

“And she has a fully functioning brain. Unlike the poor excuse of a walnut, that you no doubt have, as a brain!” He chuckled, you couldn’t believe he was going this far to be cruel. You were so distraught that you hadn’t noticed the tears falling from your face. “Great! And here come the water works again!” Greed scoffed.

The one thing Greed hadn’t expected when he stepped into the apartment was to be instantly met by your screams. It was what you said that made his heart ache.

“Greed! Please, please I know t-that I’m not enough but-” He stopped at the door, it was open just a crack but it was enough to see you sit up, eyes wide and tears trailing down your cheeks. He watched with a broken heart as you approached the mirror.

“Of course he doesn’t want you. Who would?” You started to prod at your tummy, then at your thighs, before your hands moved upwards and cupping your breasts a bit, holding them up a bit before you let them drop naturally and went to pick at your skin. Scowl permanent on your beautiful face. “He deserves better than-than trash.” That was it. He shoved the door open, causing you to jump and turn to him.

“G-Greed? You’re back?” You were slightly afraid as you watched his towering figure march over to you. Clenching your eyes shut to endure any verbal abuse he was going to inevitably spew at you...but it never came. Instead, his arms wrapped around you and pulled you into his chest.

“Why are you saying those things? Hmm? Why are you hurting my pretty girl?” You were taken aback by his reaction. Why were you acting this way.

“N-No, it’s silly...”Your cheeks flushed red in embarrassment, as you shook your head and nuzzled into his warmth.

“It’s not silly if you’re this upset. Now come one, tell me.” He noticed your hesitance and chuckled. “Look, just because I am the way I am. Greed. Doesn’t mean that I don’t care for anyone else.” He assumed he guessed correctly on the reason you sere so upset. “I love you.”

“Are you sure? Because you could have anyone one you want, crave anyone you want and you’d still pick me?” The disbelief in your voice wounded him.

“Yes.” There was zero hesitance. “I would still pick you. Every. Damn.Time.” Tears rose to your eyes once again but they were for the overwhelming feeling of affection in his words. The way he didn’t stutter when he said it caused chills to run up your spine. “You have no idea how much you mean to me, (y/n). You stuck by me despite my faults. Despite my flaws. You loved me regardless of what I had done.”

“Well you did the same for me.” 

“Well how could I not? You don’t have flaws.” He cupped your cheeks and leaned down to kiss away the remaining of the tears. He then got behind you and hugged your waist as you both stood in front of the mirror. “Your body is deliciously stunning.” He playfully bit your neck which caused you to squeal a little.

“But what about-?” You had motioned down to the slight pudginess of your tummy.

“What? Your belly? I absolutely love your belly, it’s super soft and it makes you very cuddly. I wouldn’t have you any other way.” His hands then slowly ran up your torso. “And you know I love these. No explanation needed. They’re perfect.” He purred as he gave your breasts the tiniest, most playful of squeezes.

“Greed!” You giggled, falling back into him. All fear and insecurity seeping out of your body.

“Shouldn’t me being with you be reassurance enough?” There was a cockiness in his tone, goodhearted but cocky nonetheless. “I’m Greed. I only desire the best of the best.” He spoke in a powerful voice, one you would fear if you didn’t know him. “And I only desire you, my love.” You made eye contact with him through the mirror.

“Only me? You wouldn’t want someone prettier? Or smarter?”

“Nope. It’s you. No one but you. You’re perfect the way you are and no one else could ever be the one for me.” he gently pushed your chin to move your head to the side, lips meeting his in a passion filled kiss. Spilling all your emotions into it.

“Now...” He gripped your hips, pulling you flush against him. “why don’t I spend the entire night showing you that you’re all that I want.”

Needless to say, after this night, you never once again doubted Greed’s love for you. And from here on out he made sure to remind you every day. 

[crystalgirl259]

The Flame and the Dragon Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Don’t Fall In Love

Bansha's teeth chattered loudly as she followed Morro down the alleyways, starting to regret her life choices. Now Banshaa would never question Morro, but he could tell he had completely lost his senses. Morro kept telling her that he needed Kai for his plan to work. He may be strange, but he was the best. But the man they were going to see was a child-broker, and he absolutely terrified her. A tremor of fear, not cold, rushed through her very being.

Her heart skipped beats radically each time she gazed at the all too familiar alleyway.

Morro kept insisting that he will have Kai as his husband and if he must take drastic measures to make him see sense, he shall. Bansha tried to speak up, but she flinched when Morro turned around and glared at her. Harsh green eyes burned with determination and desire. Bansha bit her lip to keep from speaking and kept her head down. She refused to look up when an all too familiar building came into view. The building where the Child Broker did his business, safe from the law, safe from anyone who would dare tell him otherwise.

She struggled to keep up with Morro's pace.

The Duke stormed up the steps and bounded on the door harshly, screaming demands to be let in from the heavy snow. A call that the door was unlocked was all he needed. Hastily, Morro turned the lock and grabbed Bansha, dragging the reluctant woman inside, out of the cold. The two of them stripped their soaked cloaks and took their seats in the two plush armchairs. Morro shook his dark hair, scattering the water from the melted snow everywhere.

Bansha took her seat and meekly kept her hands folded in her lap.

After an abnormally short wait, a tall man stormed into the room. He shed his own coat and hat and hung them on a nearby coat hanger, revealing a short mop of silvery-gray hair. His brownish amber orbs shone with annoyance, but with the pale laughter of a child. Banshaa shivered and kept her eyes focused on her lap. Morro sat up straight as the man took a seat behind the desk and sat with his hands folded in front of him.

"Good evening, Master Noble; thank you so much for coming out at such an hour to see us." He flashed a bright smile and spoke in a voice of fake appreciation. Master Noble's face remained neutral.

"Please don't try playing me, Morro; I don't appreciate being forced to leave my orphanage in the middle of the night." He groaned with annoyance. Expecting this, Morro removed a small sack from his pocket and dropped it in front of the man. Gold coins and jewels spilled from the opening. His eyes scrutinized the contents then returned to the duchess. "Alright, I'm listening."

"I can tell you're a man of simplicity, so I'll just get straight to the point, you're familiar with the Smith family correct? I believe your services were required after the unfortunate death of Ray and Maya?"

"My services were not required at all, both Kai and Nya were beyond legal age and were able to take care of Lloyd," He groaned, at the statement of the obvious.

"Well you see, Kai is far too selfless, God Bless him, he refuses to see that his siblings are holding him back from his potential, his future, and when I offer him his heart's desire, he refuses me."

"Oh really?" He cut the duke off and drew out the word in a mocking manner. "I heard of your arranged ordeal, are you sure it wasn't your decision to arrange an entire wedding on his front yard mere moments before you all but demanded he marries you?"

"It's his fault! If he wasn't so naïve, I wouldn't be forced to take such drastic measures!" Morro screeched as he jumped to his feet; enraged that he would speak so frivolously of his humiliation. Quickly, he composed himself and returned to his seat, clearing his throat.

"Not that this isn't humorous, Morro, but I fail to see what your failed courtship with Kai has to do with me," He joked playfully. Morro's fist clenched but he reigned in his composure.

"I want Kai as my husband, but so long as he believes his siblings are in need of his help, he won't leave them." He smirked. "You're aware of young Lloyd's health condition, correct? His chest problem? I heard his last attack caused his heart to nearly stop, such a sick child needs proper care, not to be a burden to his siblings who have no knowledge of medicine, don't you agree?"

"Lloyd is far from a child, under-aged, perhaps, but he's what thirteen? He'll reach manhood in less than three, four years, and both Nya and Kai know the remedy to soothe him, from what I've been told." Noble explained. "It would be a waste to put Lloyd in child care."

"Perhaps, but everyone knows Kai would do anything to protect his little family." He growled. "Even perhaps, make a deal to keep his younger brother from being taken away from Nya, if Nya was rendered unfit to care for him?" He asked as a sinister smirk crossed the duke's face. Banshaa's face contorted with horror as her eyes flew to her master. A shiver racked her entire body she gazed at the menacing smirk of victory on Morro's smug face.

"Perhaps, but then again there is also the problem," Noble replied, twirling a gold coin beneath his fingers. "From what I've been told, Nya and Kai have done a stand-up job raising Lloyd and makes more than enough to support each other; I doubt there is anything I could say or do that would convince the town taking Lloyd away from them would be in their best interests, and I do care for my reputation."

"Nya is unfit!" Morro shouted as he rose to his feet again. "Kai has been missing for almost two and a half months with no word of him, and not a week after they supposedly left for a trip, did she and Lloyd come screaming and pounding on my door in the middle of the night, ranting and raving about how their brother had been kidnapped by a dragon? A dragon, of all the ludicrous things!"

"What?" Noble frowned.

"It's been well over two months and all they have done is go back and forth in those woods and repeat this tale to anyone who would listen to them! Ask anyone! I thought they were only joking at first, which is why I waited so long to come to you, but now I'm convinced Nya has lost her sanity and she's spreading it to her brother!" He bellowed. Noble rose a brow at this new information.

"Really now? A dragon? Are you sure about this? I have heard rumors of people becoming lost in those woods, perhaps what they found was the old monarch's castle." He replied curiosity. "Of course, the monarch hasn't ruled nor had a regent in almost a hundred years so it must be abandoned by now."

"It matters not, the point is, if Nya is insane, she can't raise Lloyd correct?!" Morro snapped, slamming his fist against the table while Noble's face remained neutral.

"I suppose, but before I make any final judgments, I'd have to see for myself; are Nya and Lloyd at home this evening?"

"No," Banshaa said softly. Her body shaking and her eyes focused on the ground, knowing if she looked at him her voice would break. "We stopped by this evening to see, but their shop was closed, it looked liked it hadn't been opened in weeks, and there was only a sign on the door saying they would be going into another town to seek help, it did not say when they would be back."

"You see? Now she's taking Lloyd on a wild goose chase when she should be searching the woods for my fiancé!" Morro continued. Realizing that he was still standing, Morro cleared his throat and sat back down as a king on a throne. "Now do you understand my proposal?" He asked as a wicked satisfaction shined in his dark green eyes and his lips curled into a smirk.

"So Morro, if I understand you correctly, you wish for me to declare that Nya is an unfit guardian and threaten to have her arrested and Lloyd confined to foster care until he is deemed fit to live on his own unless Kai agrees to marry you?" Noble asked, then pinched the bridge between his nose.

"That is precisely what I mean," Morro smirked evilly. Noble threaded his fingers through his silver strands, his elbows braced on the table, and his face a mask of discomfort.

"Oh Lord in heaven, that's despicable, truly repulsive," He replied as his face vanished behind a curtain of hair until a low, maniacal chuckle escaped him. His face emerged shocking both Morro and Banshaa. It was the face of a mad man. "I love it!"...

****************

The next few weeks passed by in a blur of bliss for Kai. Winter had settled in nicely over the whole valley. Snow filled the world, deeper and deeper. The trees and gutters of the castle towers glittered with icicles. Windows glistened with frost, and the ponds and streams had frozen in sheets of ice. With the approaching frost, the house was busier than ever. Shade kept the staff busy gathering enough food for the winter months and enough coal and wood to keep the castle warm and alive.

Things had been going so great between Kai and Cole that the brunette thought he should get him a present.

The only problem was that Cole hadn't really shared his own interest with the teen, and that made Kai feel horrible. Cole knew what Kai loved most in the world were his books and all those stories. That was why the Dragon Lord had given him the library. That was what Kai chose in the end. He was going to give Cole a story. But not just any story, one written and illustrated by Kai. Kai hoped this would open more doors for him and he hoped that if he got to know Cole, they would find more things to say.

Kai vowed that one day he would reach him, there has to be some way.

He might have been a loner back in the town, but even Kai knew that everyone needed someone there for them, so Cole must need someone as well. If Kai got to know him better, he knew exactly what he would do He would read him stories from picture books, all filled with wonder. Magic worlds where the impossible becomes the everyday. They would find a mountaintop and some moonbeams to sit under, and Kai would lead because he knew the way there.

There was so much to discover, but Kai did it all the time. He could live inside bright pages, where the words all rhyme.

They would slay the dragons that still followed Cole around, and the prince would almost certainly smile as his dreams left the ground. He would read him stories about mermaids, kings, and sunken treasures. Kai knew a place, just a dot, too small to measure, and Kai will take him there because he knew the road. He would tell him stories about heroes who overcame their deepest despair, and hope that they put hope into his heart again and that Cole will cherish it every day.

Cole could find a better world and the strength to face tomorrow.

Kai was sure that if Cole knew the road, he would want to stay. Kai really hoped Cole liked his little gift. After he had sneaked into Cole's room and placed the nicely wrapped present on his bedside table, he left to go and find something to do. As amazing as this castle was, there wasn't that much to do when you're confined inside for the rest of your life. That was why he jumped at the invite Jay, Echo, Nelson, and Ronin gave him. They were all going to this frozen lake somewhere in the forest to do some skating.

Since they had all been working so hard, they thought everyone would enjoy some time outside.

Kai was a little worried about leaving the castle grounds, especially when he gave Cole his word, but they promised him it would be fine. They would only be gone for two hours at the top and Cole spent most of his time looking up in the towers or his room so he wouldn't even know they had gone. That managed to convince Kai, so he grabbed his winter clothes, some spear skates and followed the group to the lake. They rode their on Flame to get there faster. Eventually, they reached the falls, and Kai had to admit that the view was worth the hike.

Three separate streams of water were frozen in incredible, twisting pillars up the side of a cliff that was taller than the castle.

The basin at their bases was equally impressive, the water frozen in curling waves. All of the ice was a beautiful, glittering white that shone even with the sun hiding behind clouds. As soon as they reached the lake, they all got their skates on and started having fun.

"Eat my snow, Ronin," Jay laughed skating backward past him.

"Is that a challenge!" The competitive man grunted and kicked across the ice to gain extra speed. Echo flopped onto his stomach while Nelson did a large figure eight then did a few spins in the air. Kai leaped over Echo and swirled in a half-circle, then bent over to help him up. Across the lake, Ronin and Jay continued their race and from the childish teasing and roars of frustration, Jay was winning.

"Hey you two, are you going to do that all day?" Kai asked, using his hands to amplify his voice. The two boys turned to face him then crashed into the snow. The three remaining skaters burst out laughing; their fallen companions crawled out of the snow and shook their heads. Ronin removed his earmuffs and shook the snow-free from his hair. Jay just laughed like a kid in a candy store. None of them noticed the smirking eyes watching them through the darkness of the woods...

****************

Cole sighed in frustration as he listened to the clock ticking loudly. He had wanted to do something nice for Kai, so he got all dressed up and ordered Shade to make them the nicest, most spicy, romantic dinner he could. He knew Kai loved spicy foods and books. Hopefully, with this and the library, he and Kai could grow closer and closer together. Sure, they seemed pretty solid now, but it was better to be safe than sorry and strengthen their bond while he could.

After he was dressed and the food was ready, Cole sent Zane to look for the brunette, but that was almost an hour ago.

The castle and the surrounding grounds might be very big, but it shouldn't be hard to find the only human in the entire castle. He sighed again as the clock kept ticking, growing more and more impatient as the seconds ticked by. He didn't know why he was being kept waiting.

"ZANE!" He bellowed so loud it shook the entire castle. Within seconds, the white yeti burst into the room with a silver trolly with a whole tea set on it

"Alright, sir, hold on." Zane smiled as naturally as he could. "Such a brisk day, you look positively chilled to the bone!"

"Where's Kai?" Cole demanded, keeping his gaze out the window, not seeing Zane gulp nervously.

"How about a nice pot of tea, sir?" He suggested as he began to pour the warm liquid into a nice China cup. Cole said nothing as he took the tea and drink it all in one big gulp, shocking his servant for a second.

"A bit more tea, sir? Good for the heart, you know."

"No, thank you." Cole declined politely.

"Just a spot?" Zane pushed.

"No more."

"But there's always room for tea."

"I said no more!" Cole shouted as he whipped around to glare at Zane, now seeing how uncomfortable and nervous he looked. "Zane, are you trying to distract me?"

"No, sir." Zane denied and an awkward silence filled the room as Cole seemed to stare directly into his soul. "Are you sure you don't want more tea?"

"Enough! Where's Kai!?" He shouted and Zane sighed in defeat, knowing that he could never hide anything from the dragon hybrid.

"We can't find him, sir."

"What?!" Cole exclaimed, not wanting to believe it, but he knew Zane would almost never lie to him. "Leave me!" He ordered and Zane quickly fled the room. As soon as the yeti was gone, Cole grabbed the magic mirror. The mirror appeared as an ordinary mirror, silver in color, with intricate rose and vine decorations. An ornate lion-like creature encapsulated the handle of the mirror with its mouth. On the back of the mirror, there was a symbol that somewhat resembled a fleur-de-lis.

This magical mirror allowed its users to see anything he or she wished to see on its glass and in its current situation.

Ashamed of his monstrous form, Cole concealed himself inside his castle, with this magic mirror as his only window to the outside world.

"Show me, Kai!" He ordered and the reflective surface of the mirror was enveloped in a golden glow as an image began to form. It showed Kai with Jay, Ronin, Nelson, and Echo out in the snow with Flame. Cole's eyes widened in a mixture of sorrow and confusion, believing that he was running off. His sadness quickly evaporated into anger at the thought of Kai breaking their agreement. He vowed to bring that spoiled, ungrateful brat back, but there was a voice in the back of his head.

It was a voice telling him that Kai had abandoned him.

He should listen to his instincts as they have never steered him wrong or lead him astray. He should have listened when he first believed Kai would break his heart. The quickest way to break a heart, to make someone depressed and ill, was to get them all tangled up inside. The side effects could kill. If Cole must love someone, he may as well just love himself. He would never leave and he would find he got more rest and he would always feel as good as new.

His freedom was the most important thing.

He couldn't talk for hours, send flowers, write poems, or sing songs and dance beneath the stars that shine above. As soon as someone's heart rules their head their life was not their own. It's hell when someone was always there and it's bliss to be alone, and love of any kind is bad. Whether it be a dog, a child, or a cat, they always took up so much precious time, and to Cole, there was no sense in that. Love took the wildest heart and made it tame and emotions were a thing all great men overcame.

Cole knew he couldn't get attached to anyone or anything because there was nothing worse than things that cling.

He might turn to drink and he would never rest. He might end up mad, and looking like some poor demented dove. He could never fall in love. Cole suddenly let out a feral growl and left the room in a rage. He was going to drag Kai back to the castle and make him wish he had never broken their deal. As the dragon prince left the castle, he failed to hear the faint, hollow laughter of supposed victory as a shadow melted into the halls of the castle...

[aingealcethlenn]

I'm Not Okay

Characters - Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Y/N

Pairing - None

Summary/Request - When Y/N runs off on yet another suicide mission, the brothers find her having taken down an entire nest of vampires. They are determined to figure out what has been driving her, before it’s too late.

Word Count - 1,960

Warnings - Angst, Descriptions of Depression, Mentions of Blood (from killing vampires) (If you spot any other warnings I should add, please let me know so I can edit this post to include them!)

A/N - Based on the song “I’m Not Okay” by Citizen Soldier

Tags (Want on or off? Send a message/ask or add yourself here) - N/A

Story -

The rain was pouring. With everything I had been dealing with inside, it was as if the sky decided to cry with me and just let it all out at once. I stood there in the parking lot with my arms out as if I was trying to catch the water with my bare hands.

Machete in one hand - blood dripping onto the pavement from my fingers & the large blade, more still running down my shirt and finding its way to the ground around me, mixing with the water to form unique artwork around me.

Tonight - the monsters that inhabit my brain are screaming so damn loud. I can’t ignore them any longer. The walls I built up so that I would never have to hear their voices couldn’t go any higher.

I hear the rumble of an engine in the distance. They are approaching quickly, sure, but will they make it in time?

The person that they see, day in and day out, is nothing more than a mask. A facade. A blatant lie.

But it’s also the only way to cope that I’ve ever known.

Being the real me - broken, scared, desperate for something I can never obtain - has only ever resulted in being more and more alone in this world.

I hear the purr of the engine a short distance behind me - the doors slamming shut in their hurry, and their booming voices carrying through over the din of the downpour. “Y/N! What the hell were you thinking?!”

Their footsteps cause distinct splashes as they make their way to where I stand. I find the sound amusing for as morbid a moment this has become. “Dean, chill,” Sam interjected, seemingly noticing my exasperation of their presence. “She’s fine; that’s the important thing.”

I am far more thankful for the water falling from the sky than I ever have been before. It is hiding the falling tears and making it that much easier to replace the mask I need for the interaction ahead.

“Sorry guys,” I keep my tone stoic and passively positive as always as I turn to face them. “I got a lead, and I took my chance before they could move again.”

“Sorry?” Dean bit out. “All you can say is ‘sorry guys’? We were worried sick, Y/N!” His voice was rough as always.

“Dean!”

“No, Sam! Not this time!” His hand was out, waving to dismiss his brother. “What the fuck is going on with you, Y/N!? Sneaking off, not telling a damn one of us where the hell you’re going off to. Taking on demons, werewolves, even a fucking wendigo - ALONE.”

I felt unattached from my body. As if watching overhead at the scene playing out below me. With a stoic blink, I heard myself respond, “I don’t see what the big deal is. I came out of each one alive and well.” I sidestep the brothers and start the sadly short journey to my car on the other side of the vast open lot.

“Look, Y/N,” Sam said softly. I could just hear the resignation. “We’re just worried. Taking on those creatures is dangerous; let alone doing it without backup. And now you’re here taking out an entire nest of vampires?” He tried to stay strong - not the ever tough soldier his brother was, but the solid rock we all came to expect. I could hear his voice break, though, despite his best efforts.

I turn back and lock eyes with each of them again, all while still taking steps back toward the vehicles. I could feel how dead my stare was; I could feel how painfully emotionless my face rested.

‘I’m not okay - can’t you see that?’ I want to shout at them. I have so much to say, but no one to hear it. Despite how much is at stake, keeping quiet not burdening the brothers - or their angel - with the battle inside myself.

I feel the emotions clash - the want and the need to tell them everything, right here and right now - the futility of it, seeping in and convincing me they don’t care. So, I let the monsters win, silencing me once again. Lying to myself, they’d never understand why it’s so hard to say that I’m not okay. “I’m fine, Sam. Really.”

“Then what is your excuse?” Dean cut in. “What is your reason for going out on these suicide missions? I mean, come on Y/N, let’s face it - you’re either hell-bent on destruction, or you’re just being stupid. And we both know you are smarter than Sam and I put together. So what’s the deal? What’s next? Trying to take on HellHounds?!”

I blinked heavily. I wish I had an answer. I wish I had a scar, a bruise, something to show the proof of the battles I face, day in and day out. Something to show for the invisible abuse - faced with the choice to either be judged or hideaway in secret as I inevitably choose to do.

I let out a soft but long sigh. “I have no answer for you. Not one you’d accept anyway.” Words may be my only option. The only visible symptom to show for the battle that wages is the sheer desire to end the torment that is my life.

I look at the two of them for a moment before finally breaking away to turn back - back to my car, back to my escape, back to a place where they can’t see the battle playing out in my mind. I can only hide so much. The tears were beginning to fall once again.

I hear the steps approaching. Their long strides make it easy work to catch up to where I am. Feeling a hand grip my upper arm and spin me around quickly - my face must have physically shown how distraught and angry I am. Unable to hide my emotions as I usually would - my gaze clashed with the glaring green eyes of Dean’s boring into me.

The reason I say my face must’ve revealed more than I wanted is because, after a long but instant moment, I saw his face drop. In all the years we’ve been fighting together, he has never seen this side of me, and for a good reason.

“Y/N? Wh-” he releases his grip on my arm, running his hand down his face, contemplating. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, Dean,” I say, schooling my features. “Forget it.” Quickly I ground myself, now trying to turn my features to stone - removing any trace of the ever hidden emotions that were trying to pour out.

“Bullshit.” His voice stopped me dead in my tracks. “Talk to me,” he said and shared a silent look to his brother, almost as if to confirm he didn’t imagine things, “Talk to us.”

“What’s going on, Y/N?” Sam joined. “You know you don’t have to hide things from us.”

“I’m fine. Just -”

“No. You’re not, okay,” Sam interjected, joining Dean in speaking firmly. “Something is wrong; tell us.” Sam was quiet for a moment before adding, “Please.” I felt guilty as I noticed his voice break.

Staring at the brothers, I felt a mixture of emotions — contempt, love, bitterness, relief. “Fine,” I bit out.

Perhaps knowing it was a losing battle, I caved for the first time in my life. “I’m not okay. You’re right. But I don’t have the words to explain the hell that goes on within my mind on a daily basis.”

“Try.” Dean retorted instantly, seamlessly - I hadn’t even finished speaking. I knew he was trying to offer comfort, in his ‘unattached,’ ‘too cool for attachment’ way. “Humor us,” he added after a beat of me not responding.

I looked at him with a pinched look, shaking my head. I could feel every emotion ripping through me like a storm. “I am in a constant state of being numb, Dean,” I finally said. “Numb to emotions, numb to life itself. Most people survive because they can see that light at the end of the tunnel - but for me?” I shake my head. “There is no light. It’s all just a dark cage without a key, just suffocating darkness and weight, with demons screaming at me. I don’t control my thoughts anymore; they control me.”

Sam shook his head now. “Y/N, why didn’t you say something? We can help you get through whatever this is.” Sam tried taking my hand, trying to offer some sort of comfort.

“It’s not a phase, Sam.” I pull my hand free abruptly, ignoring the pain in my chest from seeing Sam’s hurt expression. “It’s who I am, all I ever have been. I’m never going to be safe, always inching closer to that final breaking point.”

Dean seemed exasperated. “That’s fine,” he said. “If you break, that’s okay. Just don’t hide, and don’t go running off.” Dean wrapped his arms around me with a strength I couldn’t gently pull away from, pulling me in close but still speaking loud enough that Sam could hear, “We’ll help you pick up the pieces. We’re a family, like it or not, punk. As a member of this family, you’re not allowed to quit.”

My brow furrowed the moment he called me family.

Dean, holding me at arm's length, graced me with a small, awkward smile. “Look, this may be a battle you feel you have to face solo, and so be it,” he motioned with one of his hands as if dismissing the thought, “but don’t quit on us. Sam and I, we’re here, always. Even if you just need to sit in silence with someone, so you aren’t alone. We get it; we’ve all been through a lot.”

I couldn’t stop staring at him, conflicted and upset - his grip on my arms felt heavy. Itchy and uncomfortable, as the only place I wanted to be right now was in my car. The rain had long since stopped or lightened - I couldn’t tell - but I just wanted to start the engine — Bake in the heater. Drive.

After a long awkward beat of silence, Dean rolled his eyes lightly in slight awkward annoyance. “This is the part where you say: ‘back atcha! We’re a team!’ Y/N.” I took light offense to how he mocked my voice, but it didn’t matter.

With a light, honestly fake feeling laugh, I removed his arms from mine. “You don’t entirely get it, Dean.”

Dean scoffed lightly. “What, are you saying we don’t have hard times too? I can guarantee we—“

In an outburst I couldn’t control, I snapped. “Stop! Okay?? I’m not dismissing that you two have had a shitty life! I’m saying you don’t hear what goes on in my head, Dean.”

Sam, raising a placating hand, tried to calm me. “Please, Y/N, we may not understand what exactly is going on, but we understand your reactions to it.”

I just stood still, breathing hard - trying so hard not to cry.

Sam took this as a sign to continue. “Y/N, we care for you. And honestly, we don’t think anyone should be alone with thoughts like that.”

I felt my face melt like paper catching on fire - every emotion displayed as I felt my chin tense, and my lips quiver as I burst into tears.

The brothers’ embrace was welcome, however wet.

The emotions were not as welcome, but it was unstoppable.

Dean was closest to my ear as I sobbed, and I heard him softly say, “You’re not okay, but you will be. We’re with you every step of the way.”

A part of me hated him saying that, but I couldn’t ignore the relief I felt. Maybe I would be okay.

[movie-magic]

Loki: Every MCU Easter Egg In Episode 1

Loki has officially begun on Disney+, and Tom Hiddleston comes bearing plenty of Marvel Easter eggs in the premiere episode. Here's what we found.

The premiere episode of Loki is burdened with glorious Marvel Easter eggs, from potential future villain teases to skulking Skrulls. Even before the considerable success enjoyed by WandaVision and Falcon & The Winter Soldier, MCU fans were eagerly anticipating Tom Hiddleston's return as the God of Mischief. Now blessed with his own Disney+ solo series, Loki has all of time and space to bother, and the premiere wastes little time throwing Hiddleston from the Avengers' frying pan into the TVA's fire.

After using the Tesseract to escape The Avengers in Avengers: Endgame, Loki is swiftly picked up by the Time Variance Authority - a seemingly omniscient organization overseeing the entirety of time and space. Evidently not ones to take prisoners, Loki's fate at the TVA looks grim, but Owen Wilson's Major Mobius intervenes, handing the silver-tongued variant a reprieve. In the opening episode, Mobius successfully digs to the root of Loki's dastardly ways, breaking him down to (presumably) build him back up, all with the aim of enlisting Loki's services as an ally to hunt down an especially vicious variant murdering the TVA's Minute Men.

Loki's premiere is predictably heavy with exposition, and relatively limited in scope, mostly taking place within the walls of TVA HQ. Nevertheless, Michael Waldron (creator) and Kate Herron (director) pepper the 50-minute installment with an array of references to the Marvel comics, MCU history callbacks, and hints of the multiverse madness to come. Here's every Easter egg we discovered in Loki's "Glorious Purpose."

The Avengers Intro Sequence:

Loki's introductory scene is somewhat of an Easter egg itself, retelling the famous Tesseract heist from Avengers: Endgame. Much of the footage here derives straight from the 2019 box office behemoth, meaning no other MCU stars filmed additional footage or recorded new dialogue especially for Loki. With that said, a few extra Tom Hiddleston moments are spliced into the existing footage to show events entirely from Loki's point of view. The villain's Steve Rogers "search and rescue" gag is zoomed-in, and there's a closer shot of Loki waving goodbye to Hulk in the elevator, as well as fresh reaction shots during the Stark scuffle in the lobby.

An Iron Man Callback:

After commandeering the Tesseract in New York, Loki finds himself falling from the sky above Mongolia's Gobi Desert, landing unceremoniously in the sand below, and this scene might trigger a sense of déjà vu for longtime MCU fans. In 2008's Iron Man, Tony Stark escapes capture by creating a rudimentary suit of hi-tech armor. Flying to safety, the genius-billionaire-playboy-philanthropist also lands roughly in a remote desert. There's a symbolic correlation in how Iron Man marked the beginning of the MCU, while Loki is now ushering in a whole new chapter, and both begin with their protagonists in matching predicaments. Both characters also crash while evading incarceration, though only Loki immediately finds himself in chains once again.

"Burdened With Glorious Purpose":

As a man who rarely shuts up, Loki has plenty of wry MCU catchphrases, and one of his most famous would be "I am burdened with glorious purpose" from The Avengers. Disney +'s Loki premiere leans heavily into the line's popularity, with Tom Hiddleston repeating the quote on several occasions throughout the episode, the phrase becoming less sinister with every utterance.

The TVA:

The addition of the TVA to MCU canon was confirmed ahead of time via Loki's trailer and, sure enough, the paradoxical pen-pushers play a prominent part in the premiere. Although their motivations and methods are somewhat altered from the source material (as well as their aesthetic, which now sits closer to The Umbrella Academy's Commission), the TVA hails directly from the Marvel comic books. They were introduced by a 1986 issue of Thor that featured several time-hopping agents, one of which picked a random Earthling up for jaywalking.

A Skrull At The TVA:

Given their propensity to shape-shift and assimilate the forms of other races, it's not surprising that a Skrull might be lurking around the TVA's front desk. One of the MCU's green aliens can be spotted in the background as Loki gets marched in, and though it's not clear why the Skrull is present, the distinct lack of guards would suggest they aren't a variant. A timely reminder that Secret Invasion is right around the corner.

The Time Twisters:

As you'd predict, Loki tries running away. With minimum effort, Hunter B-15 (played by Wunmi Mosaku) clicks a device, and Loki is pulled back to where he stood moments earlier, effectively making escape impossible. These time twisters appear to be standard issue at the TVA, and have a vaguely similar counterpart in the Marvel comics called the Retroactive Cannon. Far more lethal than Loki's little clickers, these devices would rewind a person completely until they were unwritten from history. Like The Algorithm in Tenet, but less confusing.

Life Model Decoys:

For someone who spent many, many years unaware he was actually a Frost Giant, Loki probably shouldn't be shocked that some people don't realize they're secretly robots. Heading through the TVA's airport scanner, Loki passes the test with flying colors, though he remains perplexed by the idea someone could be unknowingly cybernetic, Loki's line is a nod to Life Model Decoys, which have appeared in both the Marvel comics, and Agents of SHIELD. These lifelike androids can mimic mankind so perfectly, the LMD itself isn't always certain of the truth.

Secret Wars?:

Whether you've accidentally arrived late for work, or just escaped a group of costumed vigilantes by seizing a glowing blue cube from the beginning of time, being labeled as a variant is confusing stuff. Luckily, the TVA has put together a short animation to fill quantum criminals in on the basics. The helpful Miss Minutes finally provides an explanation of the MCU multiverse, revealing how, long ago, separate timelines fought an inter-dimensional war for supremacy that almost resulted in total annihilation. Since then, the TVA has strictly maintained one single reality - the Sacred Timeline *echoes*. The history lesson bears some similarity to 2015's Secret Wars comic event, in which conflicting universes came together in Battleworld (the setting of the original Secret Wars), and attempts were made to streamline Marvel's sandbox.

The Time-Keepers:

The TVA's infomercial also confirms the organization are led by three Time-Keepers, who oversee the combined reality and dictate the proper flow of history. This big-faced trio were first introduced in the late 1970s, created from the sole remaining survivor of the previous universe's destruction. The mysterious overlords performed much the same function in the comics as they do in Loki, and possessed virtually complete mastery over time.

Kree And Nova's Attack On Titan:

As the animated exposition rumbles on, Miss Minutes (voiced by Tara Strong) uses "starting an uprising" as an example of something the TVA might potentially frown upon. The corresponding image shows two armies clashing, with the blue folk on the left appearing to be Kree, and the force on the right possibly the Nova Corps. Based on the spiky ruins in the background, the battle is taking place on Thanos' home planet of Titan. In Guardians of the Galaxy, Ronan confirmed the Kree and Nova Corps were at war for 1000 years - was the TVA involved somehow?

Nexus Events:

This week's lesson from Miss Minutes explains how stepping off one's designated path can create a "Nexus event," and spiral out of control to spawn countless alternate timelines that trigger another war. This word has cropped up several times in the MCU, first as an internet facility in Oslo (Avengers: Age of Ultron), and then as an antidepressant drug during one of WandaVision's fake commercials. The latter was most likely a reference to the Nexus of All Realities from the Marvel comics, which is essentially a gateway between every possible timeline. The TVA's Nexus events could take their name from the very same source.

The Timeline Diagram:

Throughout Loki's Disney+ debut, the TVA repeatedly use diagrams of a single flowing timeline with branches shooting off to represent unwanted deviations. MCU fans might recognize this from Avengers: Endgame, where the Ancient One drew something extremely similar while explaining the consequences of time travel to Bruce Banner. Perhaps Ms. One has visited the TVA herself once or twice?

Devil In The Church:

MEPHISTO. There, we said it. When Mobius asks a young girl who committed time crimes in 16th century France and the child points to a stained glass window depicting the Devil, Loki knew exactly what it was doing. WandaVision dropped several hints that Marvel's own Satan would appear, all of which proved fruitless, and Loki seems to be heading down the same hellish vein. Alas, there could be a simpler explanation. Mobius claims to be chasing an alternate version of Loki, and it's highly likely the child has mistaken the God of Mischief's famous horned helmet for the demonic horns of Lucifer.

Ravonna Renslayer:

Though her name isn't mentioned in Loki's premiere, Gugu MBatha-Raw's TVA judge is actually Ravonna Renslayer, who made her debut in a 1965 Avengers issue. In the comics, Renslayer is a human from the far future, most often a villainous figure associated with Kang the Conqueror. She certainly isn't a legal official sat behind a desk. One would imagine Marvel Studios has something more interesting in store for Renslayer further down the line.

Explaining Endgame:

During his TVA interrogation, Loki quite rightly points out that it was not he who meddled with the timeline. T'was those pesky Avengers who penetrated the Quantum Realm and disrupted the natural course of events in the aftermath of the Battle of New York; Loki merely picked up the Tesseract that fell at his feet. Unfortunately, this excuse falls on deaf ears, as Gugu MBatha-Raw confirms the Avengers' ambitious time heist was entirely sanctioned by the Time-Keepers. This exchange more or less clears up every single timeline wrinkle in the MCU, including Steve Rogers' reunion with Peggy, and Gamora from the past staying in the present. It's not altering time that irks the TVA; it's altering time in a manner the Time-Keepers haven't permitted.

Loki's "Wooing":

After Owen Wilson saves Loki from being "reset," the pair sit down for a more friendly conversation, but when Loki warns Mobius that cooperation isn't an option, the TVA officer retorts with, "even when you're wooing someone powerful you intend to betray?" Loki has betrayed a fair few people during his time, and Mobius' accusation could easily apply to Odin or Thor. Most likely, however, Mobius is alluding to Thanos here - a powerful figure Loki tried buttering up with intent to usurp him once the universe was brought to its knees.

Josta:

While not strictly a Marvel reference, it's worth noting that Mobius is a big fan of an ice cold Josta. Viewers of a certain age might not recognize this soda brand, but Josta is a genuine Pepsi product that was available in the late 1990s before being discontinued. An early variety of energy drink, there's evidently a few perks to hunting down timeline criminals. In Mobius' case, this includes sugary contraband.

Loki's Greatest Hits:

In a twisted version of It's A Wonderful Life, Mobius tries to change Loki by examining his choices in the past, present and future. Unlike the jaunty 1946 holiday classic, Mobius has access to a handy hi-tech screen which displays Loki's "greatest hits." The footage begins with the God of Mischief's defeat and arrest in 2012's The Avengers - perhaps not an entry Loki himself would've picked for the highlight reel. The screen next switches to Phil Coulson's death (which Loki definitely would pick), before moving on to images of civilian deaths from the Battle of New York, the gala eyeball removal scene, and the dictator speech, all from The Avengers.

D.B. Cooper:

More an Easter egg from real-world history than Marvel lore, Loki reveals the truth about D.B. Cooper - it was Agatha Loki all along! In 1971, an as-yet-identified man boarded a Boeing 727, held the aircraft ransom for $200,000, then parachuted out with the cash. Mobius' dive into Loki's past reveals that, thanks to a lost bet with Thor, the God of Mischief descended from Asgard to pull the plane heist himself as some kind of stunt. From Loki's hairstyle matching the real D.B. Cooper artist's impression to the smattering of bank notes left behind, there's an impressive attention to detail in this scene.

Infinity Stones In The Desk:

The Infinity Stones... Thanos would give his own daughter just for one. Entire worlds brought to their knees by their power. Humans turned into Gods at the merest touch. Gary from the TVA's HR department using one as a paperweight. Threatening Casey with a fishy demise, Loki finally gets his hands back on the Tesseract, only to discover even Infinity Stones are useless within the TVA's jurisdiction. To Loki's immense surprise, Casey's desk draw is chock-full of discarded Infinity Stones, most either of the Time or Reality variety (no surprises there). The scene essentially confirms that the power of these fabled jewels has led to more than a few timeline variant incidents over the years, but perhaps also undermines the once-unstoppable power of the Infinity Stones. Well, the Infinity Saga is over.

A 3rd Millennium Kang Hint?:

In its final scene, the Loki premiere might just be hinting at the future villain of Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania. The MCU will soon introduce Kang the Conqueror, a major comic book baddie played by Jonathan Majors, and "Glorious Purpose" could represent the first step toward his arrival. Called out to 19th century Oklahoma, TVA agents find a piece of technology hailing from the 3rd millennium. Though it might be a coincidence, Kang hails from the 31st century, and is known for using advanced tech in his dominion of the timeline. The mysterious hooded figure is more likely a Loki variant than Kang himself, but since Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania and Loki both deal in temporal themes, it wouldn't be strange for the Kang foundations to be laid on Disney+.

- Screen Rant

Loki releases new episodes every Wednesday on Disney+.

[xiubaek-13]

Gods & Myths

Prompt: J-Hope + 3. A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

Setting/AU: College AU

Warnings: Alcohol use, frat party, sexual tension, lewd humour etc

Word Count: 3,278

You didn’t want to be here. Every fiber of your being wanted desperately to be anywhere that wasn’t at the Gods and Myths party at Ravenwood Academy. It’s not that you hated parties, or despised dressing up, rather, it was that you hated ending up alone at these things. Your friends always came with you, spotted someone they were crushing on and left without fail. Leaving you alone for the remainder of the evening, easy prey for drunk creeps to hit on. Usually you left before they saw you all alone, in your mind you wondered if you had a huge neon sign above you that said Easy Target.

Every time you brought this fact up with them their responses were the same. “Well maybe you should try it sometime.” “It’s not going to hurt you to have fun. Live a little.” “Just do, don’t think about it for once in your life.”

All of that was easier said than done though. Overthinking was a skill of yours, one excelled at. Your friends meant well, you knew that, but it hurt to realise time and time again that in some aspects, they just truly didn’t understand you. You weren’t as outgoing as them and apparently didn’t have anywhere near as high a sex drive as they did. They said you were too picky while you thought that sometimes they weren’t picky enough.

You wanted to be the person who could just switch off and live in the moment but you were too observant, too analytical and too concerned with how what you did at any given moment would impact your life. Other people got to finish class and leave their academic commitments in their dorm, not concerned with how their actions in the night would impact them in the future but not you, the burden of responsibility weighed heavy on your shoulders. You had to get good grades so that you could get a good job and a good career. That was what had been ingrained into you since you were a small child. Romance and frivolity just weren’t luxuries that you could afford.

Regardless of how you feel about social gatherings, you’re here, sitting on Minhee’s bed with Sora while they brainstorm costumes for each of you to wear. According to them this party was a big deal and proper thought should go into your outfit. In your mind it was just middle ground between angels & devils and toga party. Wear a coloured sheet and something on your head and drink. It seemed simple to you but to your friends, it was more. They were well known for their partying ways and impeccable costumes. How you ended up with these two as your best friends you’ll never know, but you wouldn’t have it any other way… most of the time.

Minhee stands in front of her wardrobe facing the two of you with her arms crossed in front of her, resolute in her statement. “As a history major I refuse to allow the three of us to be basic. There will be enough Aphrodite’s, Hera’s, Athena’s and Persephone’s in attendance so we need something unique.” 

“Why don’t we go as the three fates?” Sora offers as she flips through a Greek Mythology book.

Minhee shakes her head. “No, then we’d have to spend the entire night together so that our costumes made sense.”

“Wow, you make hanging out together sound like a punishment.” You remark.

Her eyes roll. “You know that’s not how I meant it. If we do a group costume then we have to stick together. At the biggest party of the academic year.” Next to you Sora nods. If she thinks this is convincing you that she wasn’t being harsh before, she’s sorely mistaken.

“What Minhee is trying to say is that Jaebum is going to be there and she wants to get that.” She chuckles as she looks at you. “We love you dearly, but we both have goals for this party, and apparently that means we need standalone costumes. Otherwise Minhee will be insufferable because she couldn’t jump JB’s bones because we did a group costume… which is not a crazy persons reasoning at all.”

You can’t help but laugh at Sora’s bluntness. You knew they’d both be wanting to impress their crushes and that they would not be sticking with you all night. Still, the reality of being alone at a party yet again kind of dampens the mood for you. “Then Minhee should be Nyx.” You state.

“Primordial goddess of the night?” She asks, to no one in particular.

You shrug. “Look if there was a goddess of determination to get that dick then I’d pick that one for you. This is the closest thing.”

Sora collapses into the bed in a fit of laughter at your words while Minhee feigns offence, doing her best to not laugh yet. “Are you calling me a skank?”

“Of course not. If I wanted to do that I’d have suggested Peitho.” Minhee sputters as her cool facade cracks and she joins Sora in a fit of laughter, doubling over and grabbing the wardrobe with her spare hand to brace herself as she laughs.

“You bitch.” She says as she regains her composure.

“Honestly, the lengths you go to for dick.”  You do your best to sound nonchalant but a laugh breaks through.

“For that uncalled for comment you get to be Hecate, it’s not in the mythology books but I’m pretty sure she was a snarky biatch like you.” She points at Sora as you crack up laughing. “And you can be Kotys, you party animal.”

***

The party is going almost exactly how you imagined it would. The three of you arrived, wading through a crowd of multiple Hades, Persephone, Zeus, Hera, Apollo & Aphrodite costumes. Minhee and Sora are ecstatic that no one seems to have picked the goddesses that the three of you did but a small part of you wishes you could blend in with the crowd, it would make escaping drunk horny guys later so much easier.

You had to give it to the decorators. They had outdone themselves this year. The large dining hall had been transformed into a Greek paradise. There was a Mount Olympus in the back corner, a Dionysus themed bar, hanging gardens, beautifully draped sheets around fake columns. There were games all around the room, based off ancient Olympics and myths. You spotted a stone grotto where you had to trick Medusa, a makeshift river Styx, the list went on.

It was hard to believe that this was the dining hall. The spot where you usually sat for your meals was currently the entrance to hell and where you normally sat was Yoongi, dressed as Hades, trying to convince people to actually pay him money to be kept safe. You laughed to yourself, remembering the time that Minhee had her sights set on him only to be shut down because he didn’t want to fuck someone who didn’t know what an arpeggio was. She had been livid for weeks. She thought it was some kind of pasta. You and Sora hadn’t let her live it down, much to her displeasure.

The rest of his group are performing similar grifts around the room. Namjoon is at Mount Olympus, dressed as Zeus and giving orders as King of the Gods. Jimin is dressed as Eros and is wandering around pushing people together, daring them to kiss. Dressed is a loose statement given the minimal amount of coverage he has going for him but that kind of goes hand in hand with being the god of sexual desire, attraction, love and procreation. Jin is dressed as Plutus and in his drunken stupor keeps telling everyone “Opulence, I own everything!” Taehyung is behind the bar, dressed as Dionysus, reveling in getting partygoers drunk out of their brains. Jungkook is Heracles, doing upside down keg stands and challenging people to arm wrestling and Mario Kart, probably not exactly the picture of the greatest hero but he fits the strongest man on earth part of the brief. Hoseok is Caerus, flitting around the room to each of the games and convincing people to do things they normally wouldn’t, telling them he felt lucky about their odds of winning if they did as he suggested. Whoever put those 7 in charge as hosts for the evening was either out of their mind or a genius.

Shortly after arriving Sora directs you to the bar, making sure the three of you have drinks in your hands at all times then drags your trio over to a group who are playing a range of drinking games loosely based off mythology. So loosely that you’d wager that they were just playing normal drinking games and adding one greek work to them to fit the theme of the party. You glance at Minhee, thinking she might have hit the nail on the head with the goddess she picked for Sora, who raises a brow at you as if to say I was dead on right?

You stand back with Minhee while Sora leads the next round of games, completely in her element as the life of the party. Out of the corner of your eye you spot the very person who Minhee keeps searching for. She probably thinks she’s being subtle but to you she looks like a lost bird with how much her head is darting around as she scans the room. You nudge her, directing her attention towards her mark. “He’s over there when you’re ready to go throw yourself at him.”

She scoffs at you and smirks. “Don’t be ridiculous, I won’t need to throw myself at him, have you seen me in this dress?” To make sure you get the full effect she twirls and poses for you, her shamelessness making you cringe.

“Oh my god, just go already.”

Sora appears beside you, laughing. “Looks like I have perfect timing!” she says as she latches onto your arm, her grip ironclad, tugging it towards the centre of the group where the games are being played. “Come on, we’re playing the next game.”

“Wha-” you start to protest, refusing to budge from your spot. You don’t join in at these parties. You observe. You’re not the free spirited type. You don’t know the social cues or the rules for these games.

“No excuses. If you fuck up the game you drink, if you win you drink. Pretty simple really.” She holds onto your arm tightly, no intentions of letting you flee. “For once, try to enjoy yourself.” She says.

Begrudgingly you give up trying to escape. She knows you too well and she has no plans on letting go of you until you’re in the circle and the game is starting. There’s no escape now, not when you’re surrounded. Your anxiety spikes for a moment, wondering if all of the people around you know that you don’t fit in here. That little voice in your head tells you that they’re judging you, mocking you, no matter how hard you try to ignore it.  

“What game have you been playing here?” Hoseok asks, appearing out of nowhere, his red locks wreathed in olive branches. That part of his costume irks you. Caerus was always described as bald, with one lock of hair, not a luscious soft looking full head of hair. At least he had the non aging, beautiful part down, because Hoseok was beautiful. His high cheekbones and strong jawline framed his face, inviting eyes and an infectious smile made him hard to resist. You have watched him from a distance at many parties, never actually interacting with words. A few times he caught you staring, only to raise an eyebrow at you and for you to avert your gaze. This is the closest you’d ever been to him at a party and you decide that it is incredibly unfair for him to look that good.

“Escape the Manticore.” Someone says at the same time as you say “Beer Pong.” Hoseok laughs as he moves to the center of the group. He raises his hands, beckoning those in the circle to listen to him.

“An excellent choice of game, however, might I suggest a change in proceedings before Jungkook/Heracles makes his way over here?” The noises from the group seem to lean towards agreeing to change games. Everyone knows that you can’t beat Jungkook at beer pong. The guy is stupidly good at it. Smiling, Hoseok continues. “Might I suggest Sirens Call?”

You scoff. “What’s that, truth or dare?” The crowd laughs at your comment.

“Closer to spin the bottle actually.” Hoseok responds, winking at you as he does so. “Alright, you lot” He says as he points to 7 others, Sora and yourself “are playing this round with me.” You do your best to ignore the wink, surely he does that to everyone. Like Sora, he’s always the life of the party. It probably doesn’t mean anything. Even if part of you wants it to.

Sora claps with glee as she realizes that his selection includes the man she’s been ogling all night, Shownu. He’s a mountain of a man with soft, kind eyes and Sora has been swooning over him for months. You know that she’ll shatter the bottle if it doesn’t land on him when she spins it.

“You look like you want to eat him alive Sora, maybe dial it down a notch.” You murmur.

Her eyes flit to yours for a moment, a mischievous grin on her face. “I’d rather climb him like a tree but eating works as well.”

You don’t get a chance to tell her to keep it in her pants as Hoseok produces a bottle and motions for the ten of you to sit on the floor. “The person spinning the bottle is the siren. Whoever the bottle lands on is their target. If their target succumbs to their call and kisses them they’re out of the game, Sirens were kind of evil guys, they lured men to their deaths. If you resist the siren for thirty seconds then you survive and they are out of the game.

The game progresses as drunken people lock lips and disappear from the game, often wandering off together to continue where they left off, much to Jimin’s delight. Shownu did his best to resist Sora, but your maniac of a friend legitimately climbed him when he refused her request for him to kiss her, straddling his hips and teasingly leaning in, ghosting kisses over his neck, face & mouth until he gave in and captured her lips with his. As she got up and lead Shownu away from the group she winked at you, happy to have secured her man for the night.

Hoseok spins the bottle next. You watch it spin round and round, wondering who it will land on and if they’re going to be able to resist his charms. To your surprise the bottle lands on you. You stare at it in mild shock. Hoseok isn’t supposed to get this close to you. No, you watch him from afar, wondering what it would be like to touch him, to be held by him, to kiss him. But those were only ever supposed to be thoughts, never a reality.

You watch with wide eyes as he crawls towards you, like a predator circling its prey. You don’t know if you are strong enough to resist him, not when his eyes were laser focused on you like that. He’d never looked at you like that before. Whenever he’d caught you staring at him he’d always kept that inviting look in his eyes but that was nowhere to be found right now. It felt like he was staring into your soul which unnerves you. You try to swallow but your throat feels dry, and your hand can’t seem to find your drink.

He closes the distance between the two of you quickly, stopping only once his arms are caging your legs where you sit. He is too close, so close that you can feel his breath fanning your neck, you can smell his cologne, you can’t concentrate. He licks his lips and leans forward, his mouth ghosting your ear. Breathily he says “Kiss me” then moves back slightly so that he can see your face.

If you do as he asks you’ll lose the game, but you will have kissed Jung Hoseok. That little voice inside your head tries to tell you that he’d only be kissing you because of the game, not because he has any interest in you. Another smaller voice speaks up, telling you so what if its only because of the game? You still get to kiss him and if the other voice is wrong, then you’ll have bagged Jung motherfucking Hoseok. Where is the loss for you here?

You stare at his lips longer than you care to admit, at his prominent cupids bow and soft looking lower lip, at the way he slightly smirks when he realises that you’re fixated on his mouth. It feels like aeons but in reality it takes only seconds for the two of you to stare at each other, your eyes flickering because for a moment Hoseok does look like a god, but one who is within your reach, and it causes a quiet breath to escape your lips.

Cautiously you inch forward, and Hoseok cups your cheek with his hand. He feels warm. You lean into his touch, letting yourself indulge in the moment. You press your lips into his, they are softer than you were expecting. He moves his head slightly and your lips slot together perfectly, his hand sliding into your hair. You could end it here, you had already failed the game and there was no need to continue the kiss.

Except that you don’t want it to end. You want more. You press into his lips harder, parting them, and you feel him smile into it as he deepens the kiss. Your hand grips his cloak, as if you’re scared he will let go of you and end this. The nature of the kiss shifts from a soft, sweet meeting of the mouths to a heated, passionate tangling of tongues. When you do break apart its because you both need air. His eyes are hooded and dark as he stares at you as if you are the only person in the room.

Gradually both of you realize that you have an audience and you blush furiously. Hoseok clears his throat and looks around, attempting to put on the mask of the host as he says. “That’s game over. You know how it works now, form your own teams and go.” He grabs your wrist and helps you stand, his eyes never leaving your face. It’s written all over his face, plain as day, that he wants to kiss you again. You want to kiss him again too, but not with so many people around.

“Come with me?” He asks.

[dessiekarma]

My Harem is Entirely Bad Boy Types (Kirisaki Daiichi x Reader) Pt. 11

Warning for mention of assault and abuse.

Chapter 11: I Guess Her Type was the Cute-Type All Along…Not That it Matters Anymore…

“(Y/N), please I really need to talk to you.”

 “I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk to you alone.” (Y/N) said keeping her head down as she jogged ahead of Yamazaki and into the school building.

 “Please, don’t be afraid to talk to me. I know I was so wrong but I would never physically hurt you! I never should have told Mei any of that stuff.” Yamazaki caught up with her and watched her tug off her outdoor shoes. “I was jealous because I really like you an-”

 His words were cut off as (Y/N) gasped. Out of her shoe locker spilled what was probably 100 pregnancy tests; marker used to make them appear positive. A note stuck to the door of the locker read:

 Not your first experience with these huh?

Yamazaki didn’t know how to react to the situation, but he didn’t need to as his former friend turned quickly towards him and lashed out with her words.

 “This why you were waiting outside my house this morning? What were you supposed to film me to show Mei?!”

 “(Y/N), no! I didn’t know anything about this. I really just want to apologi-”

 “No, cut the bullshit! You’re so fucking fake.” (Y/N) tried to keep her face firm but Yamazaki saw the obvious quiver in her lips. Everyone around was staring. “Tell Mei she wins. You deserve her and besides…I wouldn’t want you anymore anyway.”

 Not even giving him the chance to reply, the young woman slammed her locker shut and made her way further into the school ignoring the points and stares.

 Every now and then someone directed a comment at her but she kept her head down just focusing on getting to the gym. She could feel Yamazaki hot on her trail and his own voice was mixing with everyone else’s.

 “Hey (Y/N), who woulda guessed the sugar baby has her own baby huh?”

 “Another illegitimate child? No wonder your family’s been hiding you.”

 “Do you even know who the father is?”

 “You’re not just easy but stupid too!”

 (Y/N) was so close to the gym, she could hear the squeak of tennis shoes. The words of others kept coming into her brain despite there being nobody around anymore. She could feel her head spinning and a nauseous feeling in her gut before a sense of floating overwhelmed her and her knees gave out from under her.

 Yamazaki, who had thankfully been following her closely was able to hook his arms under hers before she collapsed. Quickly slinging an arm under her leg, the male was carrying her past the gym and towards the infirmary.

 Walking straight passed the open gymnasium door didn’t go unnoticed by a certain brown-haired basketball player.

 “Hey!” Seto called out quickly taking in what was happening. The other team members looked up at the sound of his voice. “What do you think you’re doing!? What’s going on!”

 Yamazaki didn’t blame him for the accusatory tone in his voice and shook it off.

 “(Y/N) was heading in here but she collapsed. I don’t know why, I think she might have had a panic attack or something!”

 “Well, don’t just stand there.” Hanamiya replied coolly though his eyes never left (Y/N)’s flushed face. “The main infirmary is too far and she’s heavy as shit. Bring her into the gym’s.”

 The orange-haired male nodded and followed everyone through the open doors. Needless to say it was tense. Seto was already preparing a cold damp cloth, Hara was prepping the small cot refusing to even look in Yamazaki’s direction, and Furuhashi sounded as if he was making a call for a doctor visit.

 Yamazaki took special notice that Hanamiya hadn’t left his side. But not for him…no. One of his hands was rested on the top of (Y/N)’s head, his gaze checking for any reaction she would give.

  “So, what exactly did you do to her, to make her pass out?” Hara spat out, still not looking up as (Y/N) was lowered on to the cot.

 “Mei put a bunch of pregnancy tests in her locker. Everyone kept taunting her in the hallway. I don’t think this is just poking fun at her…experience. (Y/N) was more upset then I’ve ever seen her. Like maybe it’s true.”

 “Maybe what’s true?” Furuhashi asked.

 “I don’t know maybe she’s pregnant or something?”

 An awkward silence hung throughout the room. There was a look in all the guys’ eyes, but it was hard to tell which were looks of suspicion and which were looks of possible guilt.

 “Don’t worry I’m not pregnant.” Came a whispered voice from the cot.

 The whole team turned to see (Y/N)’s face looking scrunched in pain, her eyes closed tightly. Even with her eyes closed a tear still managed to escape down her temple.

 “Its not a rumour either….He wasn’t supposed to tell.” The break in the girl’s voice echoed to fill the small room.

 “I know Mei was planning on going to Touou…do you think your ex told her something?” Yamazaki asked sounding like he legitimately felt bad for her.

 The young girl nodded before lifting both hands to press over her eyes. None of the guys knew what to do as she started sobbing. This whole time whether her eyes were closed, covered, or averted she refused to look at any of them.

 “Why would he tell her THAT if all things? He promised! Did he really want to hurt me that badly?! We didn’t even let most of our team know! It was between me, Ryo and Shoichi.”

 “(Y/N), no matter what happened…I’m going to be here for you.” Furuhashi said, suddenly by her side trying to pull her hands away from her eyes. “Do you have a baby?”

 Five sets of ears were listening, prepared for any answer.

 “No.”

 “Did you give it up for adoption? Is that why you left Touou?” Seto pressed on. “…Did you lose-”

 “No! I was in highschool and pregnant…and I didn’t want to be. That’s all.”

 “Did he make you choose that?” Hanamiya sounded gravely serious. “Is that what YOU wanted?”

 “We decided together. It wasn’t what either of us wanted but it was what was best. I have so much I want to do, I don’t know that I’d have been able to do that with a baby. And him…he has big dreams too, he wants to be a famous mangaka. I knew that he wouldn’t be able to do it with a family right out of high school. I couldn’t do that to him, or to some poor kid that we dragged into this world only to feel like a burden to their parents.”

 “Well then that’s that.” Hara said sitting heavily onto the cot besides his manager. “What’s in the past can’t be changed. If you aren’t bothered by it then it’s not really a big deal.”

 “My mom had the same operation done once.” Furuhashi chimed in with a shrug of the shoulders.

 “Joo-Won’s ex-girlfriend did too.” Seto threw in casually.

 (Y/N) finally sat up and opened her eyes. They were red and glassy from crying. But what scared them the most was just how much the light behind them faded. In the past their words and encouragement would rekindle that spark. Now it was almost as if none of that mattered.

 “Thank you for carrying me in here.” The girl addressed to Yamazaki, who had been hanging back just far enough.

 “It’s no problem! Really I just want to talk with you and apol-”

 “Not right now okay? We have a game against Fukuda Sogo tonight and we should be preparing for that.”

 “We aren’t just gonna brush your situation aside to play a game!” Hara exclaimed only to be taken aback by (Y/N)’s smiling face.

 “Of course, we are. If everyone already knows what else can I do? Honestly, I’m upset because I thought I could trust a secret like that with someone I consider my first love. I don’t care what people are saying.”

 “Well now I do recall once telling you ‘Three can keep a secret if two are dead.’” A smooth voice called out from the door.

 All six turned their heads only to be filled with confusion, anger or surprise. Imayoshi was frowning deeply as he looked at the girl lying in the bed. Surprising everyone there it was Seto who made the first move, walking up to Imayoshi and grabbing him by the collar of the shirt.

 “You’ve got some fucking nerve showing up here!”

 “Well after what’s happened, I had to check on my darling (Y/N).”

Furuhashi turned to gauge (Y/N)’s reaction and was unsurprised by the tears but was floored when she opened her arms up to the intruding male. Imayoshi pushed past Seto and sat beside the girl, embracing her tightly as she sobbed into his shoulder.

 “He told, Shoi-chan! He told, when he promised me! Why would he do that?”

 “Shh it’s okay. I know, Momoi called to tell me what happened.” The dark-haired male was stroking (Y/N)’s hair and finally getting a glimpse of his eyes the guys could tell he was just as furious as they had been over the situation.

 “We thought it was Imayoshi who told Mei about…you know.” Yamazaki said trying to get some clarification for all involved.

 “No! Why would he even have done that? It was my stupid fucking ex!” (Y/N) wiped at her eyes and sniffled a bit seeming to switch from sadness to anger.

 Five different brains lagged for a second, fighting their assumptions and the narrative they had created in their minds for the better part of the school year.

 “We thought Imayoshi was your ex!” All of them exclaimed loudly.

 “He even said he was!” Hara pointed an accusing finger at the bespeckled male who was now fighting a smirk.

 “I don’t quite recall making that statement. Though I do remember you boys making that assumption and perhaps I saw no need to correct you at the time. Undoubtly I am one of the most important people in her life and she was in fact mine before anyone, here in Japan.” Imayoshi chuckled and turned to (Y/N). “See even your team thinks we should date. So, what do you say?”

 “I say the same thing I’ve been saying since you were ten! ‘Gross, you’re my goddamn cousin!”

 “Yeah but I’m your first cousin. You know you have your ‘cousins’ and then you have your ‘first cousins’ and-”

 “Wait so this guy is the cousin you always talk about.” Hanamiya interrupted. “Shoko’s son right?”

 “Hold on who’s Shoko?” Furuhashi questioned.

 “My late aunt and yes, he is.”

 “How does Hanamiya know that?!” Hara exclaimed again. “Did she tell you her tragic backstory after all!? No fair!”

 Imayoshi’s face was unreadable but inside a heavy weight that had been sitting in his stomach suddenly deflated. When he’d heard about what (Y/N) was going through he feared that she was dealing with it alone but it seemed he might have underestimated her support system at KiriDai.

 “So then who is your ex?” Furuhashi asked. “Since only one other person knew then your ex must be-”

 “Sakurai Ryo, the reason I’m here.” Imayoshi interjected. “(Y/N), he’s been calling me all morning saying he can’t reach you.”

 “Of course that asshole can’t! I blocked him after….look I blocked him a while ago. What’s he even trying to reach me for!? He already told all of Tokyo that he got me pregnant, what else does he want!?”

 “I’d assume to apologize. Momoi and Aomine have been filling me in. Apparently, he said that if he can’t contact you by the end of the school day that he’s coming down to KiriDai to find you.”

 “Who the hell does he think he is!?”

 “Sakurai? I don’t even know who the fuck that is.” Hara said finally processing all this new information.

 “Timid little brown-haired kid, always apologizing. That being said, (Y/N), maybe you should hear him out. Ryo doesn’t seem like the kind of boy to do something like that without some sort of manipulation or maybe it was an accident.” Imayoshi explained.

 “Fuck that.” Hanamiya finally spoke up. “Sure manipulation is a thing but that doesn’t erase someone’s personal responsibility. The point isn’t WHY he told it’s the fact that he DID. Lots of things sway people and manipulate their choices but in the end you’re the one that makes the decisions and you’re the person who deals with the aftermath of those decisions.”

 “Hanamiya’s right and right now all I want to know is (Y/N)’s decision.” Seto added turning towards the girl. “Do you want to see your ex? Do you want to call? Do you want us to go down to Touou and beat his ass? Because all of these options are on the table right now.”

 “I want to get through the day. I want to go to our game and win. I want to move on to the next round of the Winter Cup.” For just a moment the guys thought they saw the sparkle in her eyes rekindle. Looking up at all of them that sparkle quickly pooled on her lashes and slid down her face. “I want everything to be the way it was a few months ago.”

~~~~~

 “I mean hiding a pregnancy, sure. But she had to have had an abortion, no way you can hide a whole kid.”

 “From the sounds of it her mother hid her. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

 “Hey shut the fuck up!” Hara hissed at the gossiping pair in the back of the class.

 “Ahh see I told you he was the father! Pay up!” One of the girls smirked at her friends like it was all some funny game.

 “It was last year, so before I even met Kazu-chan.” (Y/N) voice whispered in a deadpan tone, as she flipped through her math book.

 “So then it must have been with one of your paid dating guys, right?!”

 “It was with my ex at Touou.”

 “(Y/N), you don’t have to answer to anybody!”

 “If they don’t get the real answer from me they’ll just make up one of their own.”

 “Okay class, have a nice lunch and hopefully when you come back you’ll be feeling less chatty.” Their teacher announced with a glare directed at (Y/N) and Hara.

 The girl didn’t flinch or falter as her dead eyes bore into the teacher’s, until it was him that turned away. She began gathering her stuff and lifted her phone to see what seemed to be 20+ missed calls from her mother, no doubt having heard about this incident at school.

 “Hey come on, the guys are probably already waiting for us at the table.” Hara said as the room cleared out. (Y/N) smirked as she saw him fiddling with the bolts on the legs of the gossipers’ chairs.

 “You go on. I need to call my mom.”

 “Yeah about that…not really fair that only Hanamiya knows your story, don’tcha think? I mean it would make more sense to all of us. Imayoshi didn’t really give us more info before you sent him back to his university. We’re not trying to be nosy at this point but I think it would help us understand you a little better.”

 “Fair enough. I’m more than sure Hanamiya is willing to fill you guys in with what he can. I guess I don’t really have anything to hide anymore.”

 (Y/N) continued to force her smile until her friend was out of the room. Nails tapped nervously on the desk as the phone in her hands rang over and over again.

 Maybe if she was lucky her mother wouldn’t even want to speak with her right now. But it would seem the only luck she had any more of was bad.

 “I already spoke with your mother. She knew, said you came to her when the incident occurred.  I can’t believe you two were stupid enough to think you could have kept something like this from me.” A harsh male voice whipped through the phone. “I told her from the very start that she couldn’t be the mother Shoko asked her to be! But she insisted on keeping that silly deathbed promise and tried to be in your life. Had I raised you alone none of this would have been an issue! She was trying to prove something to me but all she’s proved is how incompetent she is!”

 “Grandfather, it was quite some time ago. We handled it.”

 “No, child. Handling it would have meant it was never heard of again. I should have handled your mother and she should have handled you!”

 (Y/N) flinched at the man’s raised voice and she couldn’t stop the tears from coming yet again.

 “Though I give credit where credit is due. I’m grateful you are more aware of your own body than your mother was. In spite of the social faux pas, you were at least smart enough not to bring another unwanted child into this world.”

 UNWANTED.

 Those words echoed in (Y/N)’s head over and over drowning out anything else the man was saying to her. She really had been unwanted. By her mother, her grandfather, her classmates, apparently her ex.

 Her father accepted her but…truthfully he hadn’t wanted her either. Even this team had more or less been forced to accept her because of the assignment with Hara. When she’d first become the manager said male, had made it abundantly clear that he wanted another partner. Hanamiya was never shy in saying he never intended for her to stay.

 UNWANTED, UNWANTED, UNWANTED

 Her body was shivering, and she could feel her breath growing more and more shallow before the phone was pulled out of her hands. Looking up she could see Furuhashi glare at the screen.

 “What a disgusting way to speak to your family.” The male retorted loud and clear before hitting end. Shoving the phone into his pocket the male extended his hand out to (Y/N). “I assumed you’d come to lunch with Hara but when I saw him walking alone in the hall, I knew you’d still be in here. Come with me.”

 “Where?” She said, taking his hand anyway and following him out of the classroom.

 “The roof.”

 “The roof? What the hell are we going to do on the roof? Hey if this is a Hara roof joke, I don’t really appreciate it at this point.” (Y/N) said with an annoyed expression but continued to climb the stairs with her friend.

 “No joke. Confessions should happen on the roof.”

 “Yeah I guess if you’re in an anime….wait confession?”

 “I mean it shouldn’t be a surprise, right? With everything we’ve done and been through?”

 “Well I guess not but you really don’t seem like the type of guy to do the whole love confession shtick.”

 “No but I am the type of guy that is used to getting what he wants. And if this is how I get it then so be it.” Furuhashi squeezed her hands gently and (Y/N) could feel a blush form on her cheeks. She continued to let him pull her to the final door but both were drowned in an awkward silence as the male jiggled the handle.

 …

 …

 …

 “It’s locked.”

 (Y/N) couldn’t help but let out a giggle at the look of genuine dismay on the guys’s face. He blinked at her unamusedly.

 “I’m sorry Furu! It’s just that these anime tropes haven’t really worked out very well for any of us!”

 “…Why don’t you call me Kojiro? You call Hara by his first name and I’ve even heard you called Seto, Ken.”

 “Huh? Well I guess it’s because first names are like really personal right?”

 “Then do you feel closer to the other guys than me? You called me Kojiro once…it was nice.”

 “I just…the other guys are more laid back than you. It’s not a bad thing though I promise! You’re just really hard to read and I wouldn’t know if you were okay with something like that.”

 “I’m hard to read?”

 “Honestly, yeah a little.”

 “Then maybe everything I’ve done til now has been pointless. If that’s the case let me lay everything out here and now and be sure I’m clear.”

 (Y/N) noticed how he moved closer to her slowly as if gauging her reaction. One hand moved to lean against the wall beside her head and the other moved under her chin to tilt her head up. She could push him away at any point if she wanted to.

 But did she want to?

 “I have never met anyone quite like you. Everyone has either told me things were black or white. I’m either supposed to follow my mother’s every whim or reject every suggestion. You understood just how difficult that truly was, being the sole heiress to your own company. And even being so similar to me you never made it about yourself or about what you would do. You cared about what I wanted and how my decisions affected me.”

 (Y/N) was looking into Furuhashi’s eyes and for the first time realized how much emotion they could truly hold.

 “It’s going to be hard because I won’t give up my company for anyone. But…(Y/N) I won’t give you up for anything either. Your grandfather was wrong. You’re wanted…I want you.”

 Furuhashi felt almost a static shock as his lips brushed against her softly. Almost as quickly as he felt their touch she turned her red face away.

 “I…I need to think about some things. I have a lot going on right now and-”

 “I understand.” Furuhashi gave her a tiny but genuine smile. He rested his hand on her head softly. This didn’t feel like a rejection, she probably really did need some time to figure things out. “You have some time…just try to give me your answer before it turns into an objection at my wedding.”

~~~~~

 “I can’t believe you confessed to her without telling us, bastard!” Hara scowled Furuhashi as the team walked into the stadium.

 “Not my fault you guys were all busy stuffing your faces while I was moving the chess pieces further along.”

 “Ugh so you get the first confession, Hara has first guys status of knowing her before us and Hanamiya knew her backstory. What advantage does that leave me exactly?” Seto grumbled sleepily.

 “Well technically, according to (Y/N), Yamazaki confessed first. But I’m pretty sure he’s been dropped from the harem.” Hanamiya commented before the sight of his manager walking ahead of the group. “Hey!”

 The girl turned her head and smiled widely at the boys before seeming to wince and suddenly grew sheepish. Sprinting over to them she tried to put on her best game face.

 “What’s with all the makeup?” Hara asked noticing she had a full face on that she didn’t have this morning. “Don’t tell me your emergency stop at home was just to get all pretty for a basketball game?!”

 “Mind your own business!” The girl snapped with just a little more fierceness than sarcasm would intend. “My face looked really gross from crying earlier.”

 “Aww babygirl, I doubt a sexy girl like you could ever be described as gross.”

 Could a voice be described as greasy? Because this was it.

 (Y/N) turned with an unimpressed look on her face. Sure enough she recognized the guy as Haizaki Shogo, the ace and pain in the ass of Fukuda Sogo. Not wanting to deal with any bullshit the girl rolled her eyes and turned an ignoring back to him.

 It came as no surprise but was still plenty annoying when an unwelcome arm was slung around her shoulder.

 “Come on princess that’s a bit rude. You looked mixed, must be American right?”

 (Y/N)’s face grew red out of anger and embarrassment as he began spewing lewd words and phrases at her in Japanese.

 “I can speak Japanese, you dick! Which you obviously knew considering you heard me speaking it when you walked up to me with your bullshit!”

 “Hmm? Awesome you can teach me to talk dirty in English then.”

 “Yeah thanks but no thanks, Post Malone.” (Y/N) ducked under his arm and sauntered inside the building, not bothering to look back. “Come on guys.”

 Haizaki practically growled as the girl before finally taking notice of the team she was walking with. He smiled to himself and decided he was going to head inside too.

~~~~~

 “Ahh Ken-chan what are you doing here? You need to be warming up!” (Y/N) said trying to usher the man out of the locker room.

 “I know.” The taller male knew she didn’t really have a chance of moving him an inch and in defiance slumped into the locker room bench. “I just uhh wanted to talk to you.”

 His voice was trying to find its footing in not sounding accusatory, angry, upset or any other tone beyond casual.

 “Huh me? About?”

 “It’s just uhh Joo-won called me earlier.”

 “Oh! How’s he doing!? Good I hope!” (Y/N) responded back excitedly, unknowingly making Seto’s heart clench.

 “Yeah good. Anyway, he said that he hasn’t been able to reach you all day but wanted to tell you ‘yes’?”

 “Oh my gosh really!? That’s amazing! Oh my god Joo-won is the best!”

 Seto would have been happy to see the girl’s eyes light up had his brother not been the reason for it. He didn’t even know that Joo-won had (Y/N)’s number. And what exactly had he agreed to? He knew deep down it was a bad idea to introduce her to his more attractive brother. It wasn’t the first time it happened, so it was his own fault really.

 “(Y/N), I need an honest answer!” His voice came out as firm and commanding as he could will it.

 “Sure, Ken-chan.”

 “Do I have a chance or don’t I?”

 “Uhmm what?”

 “I just…that night when we…you confuse me. It’s like sometimes I think that you’re still in love with your ex, the next I’m sure you’re gonna run off with one of my teammates. And finally, when I start thinking that maybe I have a chance you’re secretly talking with my brother.”

 (Y/N)’s face grew red and warm all over again.

 “I’m not talking to Joo-won like that! It’s just a business relationship I promise!”

 “Yeah but still… at the risk of just straight up asking ‘what are we?’ I need to know your feelings for me. I know that isn’t fair to ask you right now when you have everything to deal with. And after two of my teammates confessed to you and undoubtedly the other two will soon. I just need to know if I’m even a contender in whatever the hell this is. I don’t like wasting my time or energy. Not that caring about you is a chore or something.”

 “You care about me, Ken-chan?”

 “Well that should have been obvious. Come on (Y/N) I like you because you’re not an airhead so don’t start acting like one. You know I care about you.” Seto stood up and stretched a bit before turning back to her with a small smile. Cupping her face softly he knelt down and was seemingly about to place a kiss on her lips but pressed his mouth to her forehead. “In fact, I suppose I care about you enough to not demand an answer from you right away. But I do expect one eventually.”

 The young woman watched her friend make his way out of the locker room and smiled to herself. However, the ringing in her pocket pulled her from any thoughts she was having. With the knowledge that Joo-won had been calling all day she decided to finally look at her phone.

 Momoi Satsuki

 “Hello?”

 “(Y/N)! Please don’t hang up! I went searching at Kirisaki Daiichi but they said your team had already taken off! I’m so sorry and if you just let me explain-” Sakurai Ryo was cut off.

 “Don’t fucking call me again.” With that the girl hung up.

 “That was harsh, babygirl.” Haizaki’s voice came from the doorway.

 “Who fucking asked you? And don’t call me babygirl.”

 “You American girls like that though, don’t you? I prefer Onii-chan but I think I can get used to being called Daddy.”

 “Well not from me.” (Y/N) said trying to move past him and get to the door. She felt her heartbeat quicken as he stepped in front of her. “Excuse me.”

 “Oh cute you’re getting nice and polite for me now? I should warn you I don’t have much money. Though I can probably pay you with good sex, I’m much better than all those old men you whored yourself out to.”

 “What did you say to me?!”

 “Lots of people have heard of Kirisaki Daiichi’s slutty little manager. I’m kinda jealous of them.”

 “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” (Y/N) made a break for the door only for the much bigger and stronger male to trap her against it, one hand restraining her wrists the other clenching her throat.

 “Don’t worry babygirl, I’m not judging you for it. In fact, if you were my girl, we could make lots of money together. You got the goods and I know just how to market it.”

 (Y/N) glared at the male as he drew closer to her. Hacking loudly, she spit right in his face.

 “Like hell I’m gonna let some wannabe Miracle, ‘Emergence’ me!”

 “What the hell does that even mean you, stupid bitch!?” Haizaki grabbed a fistful of her hair and (Y/N) screamed out. “You should be thankful someone even still wants your used-up ass. I’m not asking you to do anything you haven’t already done a hundred times before. You let your team take turns, what’s one more guy?”

 “Get off me!”

 It seemed to happen so fast. One-minute Haizaki’s lips were on hers, then the door was being pulled open making them both fall. She could taste blood in her mouth, she could hear a familiar voice shouting, and felt a familiar embrace tugging at her.

 Fighting out of the restraint her fists were quickly pounding into her attacker’s face. Blood was pooling out of his mouth fast, letting her know she’d bitten his tongue deep enough to need stitches. Unlike the last time this guy was fighting back. But also, unlike the last time this wasn’t simple rage.

 “You think you fucking know me because of some rumours!?” The girl shouted as a flash of orange was quickly trying to pull the male off of her. “Do you know how many times I went along with stuff I didn’t wanna do because I was too young and naïve to realize their threats were bullshit?”

 She could hear the male scoffing at her and knew he didn’t give two shits about her sob story. But telling it right now, it was almost as if she could picture the faces of everyone who had ever taken advantage of her. When he punched at her cheek, she bit down on his hand harshly, relishing in the snap she felt.

 “Hara, Makoto! Guys come in here!” The voice attempting to hold her back called out. The sound of shoes squeaking grew louder and suddenly more hands were on her, pulling her away.

 “And when I finally stopped letting these things happen to me do you think that stopped anyone from trying to use physical force instead!? Do you think I would never learn how to fight off assholes like you!? I hate men like you!”

 Almost as quickly as all the fuss began, did the room suddenly go still. Finally letting her eyes focus the girl could make out the faces of her team as well as the sport complex’s security. The person still holding her was giving the security guards a brief description of what happened.

 Everything around the girl was still blurry and a high pitched whistle was drowning everything out. Haizaki was screaming something at her or about her as he was removed from the locker room.

 “(Y/N)! (Y/N) can you hear us? Are you okay?”

 Finally looking at the person holding on to her she was surprised to see Yamazaki’s concerned face.

 “I came to see the game but when I was walking by I heard you yelling and opened the door. I guess you really didn’t need my help beating the guy up but I flagged down the team and security. They got that guy out of here but oh god are you okay? Who am I kidding of course you aren’t okay! This is all my fucking fault!” Yamazaki was ranting and to (Y/N)’s surprise crying. “I heard what that asshole said! He attacked you because of the rumours he heard! Rumours I helped spread. I’m so sorry! I never thought something like this was going to happen.”

 The girl was listening but not quite. It had all been building up to this. She didn’t even have it in her to cry anymore.

 “God look at this bruise on your face.” Furuhashi said kneeling down to examine the girl. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

 “That one wasn’t Haizaki.” The girl deadpanned.

 All the males looked at each other in concern and question. That was the real reason she showed up in so much makeup? She wasn’t safe at school and apparently not even in the comfort of her own house.

 “(Y/N), what do you need?” Hara asked, now crouching by her side. “What do you want us to do?”

 The girl swallowed a thick lump in her throat. It was a long time coming but with recent things falling into place the way they did…her mind thought to a private conversation she had with Imayoshi earlier.

 “Is your team going to take that well?”

 “Makoto told me I should do what’s best for me.”

 “Probably because you haven’t shown a track record of doing so, he doesn’t believe you actually will.”

 “Shoi-chan, please. I need to know before I make this jump. Are you all in or not because I can’t do it without you?”

 “I never have been able to tell you no. I’ll willingly be your pawn in this game so long you’re sure you can win.”

 (Y/N) was shaking at the thought of stepping away from everyone. But if she didn’t…maybe she would stay in the same place her whole life.

 “I wanna go home.”

 “I’ll call my driver.” Furuhashi began only to see (Y/N) shake her head.

 “No…my real home.”

[nymphl]

Lie to Me - Hux x Reader x Ch. 14: Dirty & Clean

A/N: Hello xD It’s been a while since I last updated my chapters here. I’m sorry. I’ll do my best to update now regularly every Friday, while I write the few remaining chapters. Anyway, this story has 24 chapters already posted on AO3 and I’m posting it now on Wattpad as well, in case you prefer to read it somewhere else. Just a brief warning for this chapter, although I don’t think it’s too much, but there’s a bit of angst and physical violence. Hux is definitely not his best self in this chapter.

Story Summary: Falling for the enemy… That’s probably the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. Letting him live… for he should be dead. And you should’ve been the one to kill him. You had him, right there… and you let it escape through yours fingers. He lived. And now only the time could tell if you made the right decision — more likely wrong — by saving the amnesiac General of the First Order and telling him he was your husband. [Hux x Reader - Hux x You]

Warnings for the entire story: Will contain at times; graphic violence, sex, drugs and manipulation, coarse language and OOCness.

AO3 Tags: from enemies to lovers; eventual romance; memory loss; fake marriage; fake marriage becomes real marriage; rebellion; married couple; canon divergence; slow burn romance; politics; rebel alliance; resistance; first order; OOCness; eventual smut; eventual sex; power play; power dynamics; syndicate; lies; you lie; Hux lies; Hux backstory; manipulation; political alliances; political betrayals; secret organizations; tros fix it; anti tros; nobody likes general pryde.

Wordcount: 4330

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

YOU COULD HAVE FAINTED.

Actually, you should have fainted. Nothing could prepare you for what was to come. Nothing could have prepared you for what happened already.  

Part of you wanted to ask him what he meant by I have always known, another was so afraid you could not even open your mouth. You decided to wait for his answer. It would come sooner or later. He knew your unspoken question; he always seemed to know what was going through your mind.

When the General pulled your body against his — your back meeting his nude chest —, you could not help but shiver. He traced your arms slowly, lightly, as if you were about to become dust under his very touch. When he found your left hand and entwined your fingers together, you bit your bottom lip. When he placed a strand of hair behind your ear, you held your breath. When he ran his nose over the sensible skin of your neck and inhaled deeply, you thought you would die.

You would not dare breathing.

You could not.

“You are a terrible liar.”

You refuse to look at me when you’re not telling the truth.

He said it once. In your heart, it felt like a long time ago, but in truth, not even two complete months had gone by.

Your heart clenched — it became really, really small — at the memory. It was a very embarrassing night with all his questions about his sexual prowess and later if you had any children and if he had taken them away from you — in case they belonged to your late husband.

Fear crept through your veins at the possibility of that moment being a lie; a game well played to have your sympathy. Your trust.

It only got worse with his silence — with his fingers running over your nude arms slowly; with his cadenced breathing caressing your neck. It made you wonder which moments were real — if he knew the entire truth all along why would he keep the façade of a dutiful husband? Why didn’t he confront you? He should have done that, right? — and which were just a lie. Was everything just a lie?     

“Was it a-a li-e?” Your voice broke at the end. Your throat felt dry, raspy. Sore. There was this overpowering need to cry, but no tears left. The burning sensation in the back of your eyes remained, though.

You breathed deeply and waited for his answer…   

…which did not come, as usual. In an act that both surprised and angered you — for he was playing with your feelings, with your heart —, he bestowed your temple with a brief, almost reassuring really, kiss.

“Was it all a lie?”

This time his reply was quick, but it only left your even more confused.

“Was it?”

His retort made your heart race. It galloped inside your chest. It beat so loudly, pumping the blood to your ears in such a strident fashion that you could barely hear the water splashing against the riverbank anymore.

“You tell me, (Y/N),” he said, his voice a mere whisper against your neck.

You shivered…

…and tightened your hold around the sheets. They covered most of your body, but they could not — could never — conceal your shame. Or hide your regrets. They were so… kriffing many.

You should never have lied.

You should have told him the truth.

Hopefully, he would not kill you.

Hopefully, he would let you live.

Hopefully, he would stay with you.

Hopefully, you would still… fall for him.

Because you needed him like… You just… You just needed him.

“My feelings for you.” You wetted your lips. The words got stuck in your tongue, “…not a lie.”   

He breathed harshly against your ear. His hand immediately left your arm — in that small, almost a mockery of a comforting caress — and wrapped around your throat. Instead of the light pressure he usually applied, this time he held onto you a bit more forcefully, cutting your breath short. A gasp died even before it could reach your lips.

Part of you wanted to grab his hand; to pry his fingers away from you, however foolish the thought was. You decided to relax in his hold instead. Fighting him would do you no good. That was what he wanted, after all — to show how much powerful he was, how much in control of your very life he was. A God. He decided whether you lived or died.

How ironic.

You started that lie — your first lied to him — because you wanted to live and look at where you were now.

A sob was born in your throat. The tears — refreshing and very much needed — were born in your eyes and found their way to your face, staining your cheeks and gathering at your chin.

When they dropped onto his hand, he loosened his hold slightly. You inhaled deeply and spoke, your voice firmer than before, “I know I love you.”

His grip on you tightened once again, bordering on unbearable this time. There was no need for a mirror to know your face was flushed. And, now, you could not help but claw pathetically at his hand, trying to loosen at least one his fingers.

He did it on his own. He let go of you and walked away. There was no need to look at him to know he had adopted that General instance of his. You took your time to inhale deeply through your nose and to touch your throat. You stopped halfway, though, letting your hand fall to your sides.    

“I still can’t understand your reasoning.”

You swallowed.

You didn’t either.

Was it out of sheer, pure desperation? Or was it because you wanted him to let you live — he would kill you if he knew you were once married to someone who was part of the Resistance, right? Or was it because you wanted to keep him away from the First Order?

How long? you wanted to ask. But you felt weak and you did not want to lose your time with such a stupid question. In fact, you wondered if it really mattered. He said so himself you were a bad liar. If he figured out right away or one of these days, it changed nothing.

“Why didn’t you kill me then?” Your voice was still weak. Still filled with uncertainty. Rough around the edges. The fact you cried did not ease the burning feeling in your throat. On the contrary, it only increased.

Your heart sped at his lack of answer.

You finally got your courage to turn around and face him. He was already buttoning his black shirt and wearing his coat. It made you tighten your grip around the sheet.

“Why did you let me live if you knew all along?”

He ran his fingers through his ginger hair, combing it to near perfection; his impossibly blue eyes focused on you. When he spoke, you forgot how to breathe.

“I told you,” he started, throwing your clothes at you. You got them with one hand, the other held firmly onto the sheet. “I would have you no matter what.”  

The way back in the gondola speeder was as quiet as possible. The General piloted the vehicle with his back turned to you, his shoulders squared; his posture was one of a proud man. In your place, you not only had the stance of a defeated party as you felt that way.

But considering your current situation, he had no other reason to feel any differently — to behave otherwise. He had caught you in your lie, after all. He had removed your mask and stripped you off the false security of your made-up stories.   

You tightened your hold around your coat and let out a sigh. It was difficult to know if it was still dark outside when he was going deeper in the cave. Part of you wanted to ask where he was going, another did not want to even talk to him.

The earlier talk and the revelation — the fact you had been relieved of such heavy burden — should make you feel light… clean. Instead, his last words — his confession — made you feel dirty and insignificant.

I would have you no matter what.

It made you recall the first time he said those same words, in a different context. Both situations had your heart almost leaving you through your mouth.

Back then, I already knew you would be mine.

If at that time you felt slightly nervous and somewhat giddy, now you knew you felt… small, used and worthless. It was as if he wanted to have you just to prove something… to prove he could — and would — have anything he wanted and not because he felt something for you.

You wondered if at some point in your brief relationship he actually cared for you — loved you. Part of you was dying to ask if his words after you returned from Aurra’s bistro — the night he orchestrated to make her believe you were his weakness — were truthful.

She was right about one thing: my feelings for you.

Did he have any weaknesses?

You doubted.

Your hand shot to your face when you felt it slightly wet. You wiped the tears before he could notice — and even though he seemed lost in his own world, you knew he paid attention to everything around him — and straightened your back as he brought the gondola speeder to a stop.

He disembarked and offered his hand. Unable to distinguish pretty much anything in the darkened cave, you accepted his help, placing your fingers over his. It was not lingering, though, for he let go as soon as you firmed your feet on the rocky ground.

Slightly ahead of you, he highlighted the place with a small flashlight, guiding you towards the entrance of the cavern. You were surprised, to say the least, when you noticed the cave lead to the woods close to the Hospital.

You wondered why no one ever invaded the place, but that was a very stupid question. They did — Aurra owned it. The place was hers. And you suspected the General owned it now — through a bargain or otherwise, you did not know, you were not sure you wanted to know.

His alliance with the Syndicate and with the Resistance was still a mystery to you. He said so himself he was loyal only to himself — and to you, and you were dying to know if the last part was the truth or not.

The General lead you through the woods in silence. You walked behind him cautious of where you stepped. If you believed the beginning of your night was funny, now you were not so sure. In fact, you hated it. Right now, all you wanted was some sleep — preferably away from him.

Your hand shot to your throat and you wondered if his grip had left any marks. He caught your action out of the corner of his eyes and he suddenly shifted to face you. Taking two steps away, you let your hand fall to your sides.

He closed the space between you and brushed his fingers against your windpipe, pressing it lightly. They almost wrapped around your throat, but he seemed to think better and let go. His bluish eyes were intense on you.

“You should have shot me,” he whispered, flexing the fingers of his right hand slowly. Pensively. You could have said you were naked and away from the blaster, but you decided to stay silent. He seemed to have notice your reasoning, for he took two steps back and turned on his heels. He took the electronic cigarette from the pocket in his coat and lit it, bringing it to his lips, “Next time someone hurts you, shoot them dead. No pity, no remorse.”

You returned home only two days later.

The thought of seeing his face again — of watching the coldness in his impossibly blue eyes — had butterflies dancing in your stomach. You knew he had been to the Hospital, waiting for you — or watching you, it was difficult to know.

You wondered if it all was not a ruse. If he was not using you to get to the Resistance. It would be much clever than killing you — it is, using you to destroy his enemies. To destroy General Organa.

It had been a few days since you gave information concerning the shipment to arrive in Rioza and so far, you received no word about the success — or utter failure, it was now more than a mere possibility, almost a certainty — of the mission.  

A shiver ran down your spine at the thought.

No.

He would not.

He would never.

Your hand found the small necklace you were using. Was it actually some old footage of Ben Solo or Kylo Ren — you did not know how to call him. Did the General really know him? Your knowledge concerning the First Order was ridiculous. Perhaps they have never interacted, and you fell for his lies like a fool.

Like you expected him to fall for yours.

You felt bad for judging him so harshly — it was bordering on paranoia, really —, but you could not help it. You pondered if he felt the same way when he realized you were lying about your relationship.

It is… if he was not playing you all along.

Would you ever know?

Would he ever let you know?

Would it make any difference?

With a tired sigh, you opened the front door and stepped into the kitchen. Unlike expected, D-Five did not greet you in his cheerful, dutiful voice. He was nowhere to be seen.

You removed your bag and walked towards your bedroom. The house was silent, which meant neither of them were in the surroundings. You shook your head, feeling utterly relieved and got rid of your clothes.

All you needed right now was a relaxing bath. You had barely slept in the last two days, you took a meaningless nap at the Hospital, but it was all so hectic with the new cases of that mysterious alien illness that you considered yourself lucky for even napping. Now, some children had been diagnosed as well and one died in your care.

Death was always something traumatic to you.

It did not matter it was expected.

It did not matter it was for the best.

You should have killed the General.

General Organa should have contacted you already.

You were unable to be impassible facing the loss of a life.

You should have shot me.

As if!

After you prepared the hot water, you immediately climbed in, not caring for the temperature — it was slightly hotter than what you were used to — and leaned your head against the border.

It took less than a few minutes for you to fall into an uneventful slumber. Even if you had taken a few minutes of rest in the Hospital, it was not enough to restore your energies. It did not help that the days were so hectic — that your superior continued to hide important information from her staff.

Between your personal problems and the professional ones, whenever you closed your eyes you would either see the General or a dying alien child.

A sigh left you as your eyes snapped open out of their own accord. You immersed in the already chilling water for a few seconds and then came back; your hair completely wet. All you needed right now was some vincha tea to relax your sore muscles and some sleep. The fact that your… — you did not know what to call him; surely, you should not call him husband — well, Armitage Hux was not home was a blessing of some sorts. You knew you were not ready to confront him.

You decided to go to bed without your tea — you were too tired to even think about boiling water and preparing the herbs —, but as soon as you left the refresher, you spotted him sitting at the armchair, an electronic cigarette resting between his lips.  

You shuddered…

…and bit your bottom lip.

Not sure of what to say — how to start a conversation and should it really be you the one to say something? —, you stood quietly in the middle of the room, feeling worse than a bantha in a confined space.

It was suddenly difficult to breathe.

You shivered again, this time out of cold. Nights in Dantooine were usually chilly and the fact you stayed in the water until it cooled off did not help the tiniest bit. Shaking your head, you let the towel fall to your feet — even if you felt slightly nervous about being around him, there was nothing about you that he had not seen or touched.

Biting your bottom lip, you cast a glance at him over your shoulder. Relief flooded you as you found him concentrated on his datapad and his cigarette. Placed over the table near the armchair there was also a glass with a golden-brown liquid you quickly recognized as Corellian brandy.

You took the opportunity to open your wardrobe, only to find it empty. There was no sign of your clothes — of his clothes. You furrowed your brows. Your body went rigid when you looked at him and saw him approaching you, a dress and underwear in hand.

There was no time for you to open your mouth and ask what was the meaning of that, for he spoke for you, “We are moving out.”

Unable to process the meaning of his words — moving out? You lived there for what? Four years now? Five? Close to that, surely —, you merely snatched the dress from his hand and pulled it through your head; next you took your underwear from him. Your hair was so soaked, your clothes were quickly drenched in it.

“Where?”

You bit the inside of your cheeks. What you wanted to say was that you were headed nowhere. With him or even alone. That was your home and you were not leaving it.

“Crystal Cave.”

“That is no place to live.”

He arched one brow, looking around. You bit your bottom lip, embarrassed. There was no need to hear his words out loud. His face conveyed such meaning astoundingly well.

You shook your head, discussing your living arrangements would get you nowhere.  

“Where is D-Five?”

Instead of a quick answer, he brought the Corellian brandy to his lips. You felt your mouth dry, but you did not dare getting closer. Part of you even wanted to try that cigarette of his — you always heard it was relaxing and it was all you needed right now.

All traces of sleep had left you — even if your body was beyond wasted —; you were very much awake.

“He’s already in the Cave.”

The fact he had called the protocol droid he almost slipped you. Almost. You bit your bottom lip; you were dying to know if he said he because at some point he started seeing the droid as more than a secondary being or because he did not want to fight over semantics. Probably the second.

He finished the Corellian brandy and placed the glass over the table, the electronic cigarette already back to his lips. As he walked to the kitchen, the trail of smoke behind him made you stay a few steps behind.

“Why are we moving?”

He was not looking at you when he replied — which in itself surprised you, for you were not expecting a quick answer, or any answer at all, “The Cave has technological and training facilities that are… adequate at best.”

You furrowed your brows.

As a General of the First Order, he probably lived with the best the technology had to offer. Dantooine was just an old and scarred planet. And even when it was under the control of both the Rebel Alliance or the Empire, it never received the best devices. All it had were some second-hand apparatus that could never compare to those used in Coruscant, both in the Republic and Empire Era, or the Hosnian Prime, in the New Republic.

“You will have your own bedroom.”

You bit your bottom lip at his words.

Even if you were hurt and wanted to stay away from him — you were so confused you did not know what you wanted anymore —, the fact that he did not want to be near you was… confusing?

No.

It hurt you.

It shattered… the dream?

Was it a dream? Or a lie?

The made-up story you have woven in your head, for the both of you. Married. For three years and half. With growing feelings for each other.

And now… Nothing.

“Why didn’t you leave for good?”

He cast a glance at you over his shoulder. He exhaled the smoke, making you scrunch your nose. His eyes were intensely focused on you. In the bright light of the kitchen — so very different from the Cave — you could see how much darkened his irises were right now.

“You know the answer.”

His tone — whispered voice, so detached and cold — had you shivering.

You looked at the floor, focused for a moment in the indentation you found there. The house was decrepit. It looked as if it was taken from some horror holofilm, really. You wondered if that was what denounced you — there was no way a couple would live in a place like that for three years and half. The Cave seemed like a mansion now.

Shaking your head — you had no time to think about where your lies had gone to waste, they were never that good to begin with —, you cast a glance at him. He had shifted and was now facing you. He removed the cigarette from his lips and exhaled the smoke once again.

His words — coupled with his penetrating stare — from earlier returned to you.

I would have you no matter what.

They made your heart race. At the same time, it felt small. The thought of being only a possession — and not someone he cared about, he loved — made you gasp with pain. You grasped your dress, right over your beating heart and looked at him, bottom lip trapped between your teeth.

You needed to know.

“Do you hate me?”

There was no answer from his part. Not immediate at least. And how you wanted it to be so this time. For better or for worse. You just… needed to know. Instead, there was only silence. Sepulchral. Melancholic. Somber silence.

His movements — the movement of his arm as he brought the cigarette back to his lips —, were almost too slow. As if he was a bit lethargic. His unreadable eyes, however, removed such assumption from your head.

He was his own master as always.

You were the one affected by that conversation.

Or lack thereof.

“I tried.”

His belated answer made you let out a deep breath. Your shoulders relaxed visibly. You let go of your dress and readied yourself for the next question.

“Do you…” You bit your bottom lip. The fact that he did not hate you did not mean much, right? It should not. Yet, you were a giddy fool right now. His answer to your next question would have the power to either crush your heart forever or cherish it for ages to come.

Do you love me?

You wanted to ask.

You wanted so badly to ask.

But you were afraid to know the answer.

I know I love you.

You said once — twice — and all he did whenever you told you had feelings for him was to back off. He never seemed to take very well to your love confessions. It was as if he was…

Afraid of your feelings?

Disgusted at them?

Probably the second option.  

“Will you kill me?” you asked instead.

He shut off the cigarette and turned on his heels, heading towards the exit.

“No.”

He opened the door and held it open for you. You crossed the threshold, but instead of going towards the hover sled, you looked at him. The two of you were close now — more than you have been in days. You bit your bottom lip and raised your hand to touch his face. Your fingers skimmed his jaw lightly — as if afraid he would jerk away from you —; the facial hair gracing his features made you remember your conversation before everything went downhill. A sad smile tilted the corner of your lips.

The General froze under your touch. He barely dared to breath. He did not do anything to move you away, however.

You closed your eyes and leaned your head against his chest. You felt so tired, drained even. All you wanted right now was for him to hold you close and say he forgave you for lying — that he had feelings for you.

He knew your unspoken question. It would be heaven if he could answer it right now. Answer it positively.

Instead, he ran his fingers through your hair in a soothing caress. You grabbed his shirt and pressed your face against his chest. The first tears stained both the black fabric and your face.

“Are you using me to destroy the Resistance?”

He went rigid under your touch. His answer, however, came quicker than you expected — for you were expecting no answer at all, “No.”

“How do I know I can trust you?”

“You don’t.”

You swallowed.

The General removed your face from his chest and tilted it slightly backwards. You expected him to wrap his hand around your throat, but he merely brushed your tears away. His bluish eyes conveyed nothing of his feelings — did he have any?

When he spoke, your heart almost stopped for a moment, before it went back to that galloping pace.  

“You will have to follow your instincts.”

 A/N - And that’s all for today. I promise this time I’ll adhere to schedule and update every chapter here on Fridays. On Wattpad, chapters will be posted every Wednesday. See you! xD And hopefully, by the end of next week, I’ll also post chapter 25 - Lost & Found on AO3. 

Ah, you will also see that I decided I no longer will mark as italic the words related to the SW universe. It’s very inconvenient to keep revising and marking here every word and comparing them with my ms office because tumblr doesn’t keep the rich text. 

[lilhemmo]

uh another sweet pea fic please!!! i would like the following tropes - baby!fic (can't wait to see what you do with this one!!) and fake dating or fake married!!

send me two au’s from THIS list + a ship/character

a/n: sweet pea and babies is a weakness of mine, hopefully i make you suffer as much as i did writing this!!

-

“Sweets, I don’t know what to friggin’ do, she won’t stop crying!”

“Do you need reinforcements?”

“I-uh, well, ugh–yes, please,” you admit through tears.

It takes him an hour to get to your house, and the little baby in your arms still hasn’t ebbed her sobs. It doesn’t matter what you do - rocking, feeding, singing, kissing, whispering, anything. You’re crying as you try to sing to her through your tears, watery words leaving your lips.

“Honey, I’m home!”

At least that gets you to laugh.

You swallow and chuckle wetly, wiping at your face before he can come in the nursery to see you in your blabbering mess.

“Hey,” he’s quiet as he enters the room, reaching out to hug you around the shoulders. He coos down at the tiny human in your arms, “And how are you tonight missus?”

You roll your eyes, “You don’t get to ask her how she’s doing, Sweets. She’s killing me. Would you ask a killer how they’re feeling?”

Sweet Pea smiles wryly down at you and proceeds to take her from your arms and coddle her against his chest. He bounces her up and down, gently caressing her back as he hums in her ear.

It takes another hour, but finally he gets her to fall asleep in his arms at three in the morning. You’re struggling to keep your eyes open on the couch that is placed in the nursery.

“C’mon,” he murmurs in your ear as he reaches down to pluck you from the couch. “Let’s get you to bed.”

You nod numbly, your head lolling against his chest. Sweet Pea manages to get you under your covers before grabbing his keys.

“Stay, Pea,” you murmur, dumbly reaching out for his shadow. You pout just enough to make him feel guilty, “Please?”

His shadow gets larger as he gets closer and you can’t fight the smile on your face. Sweet Pea leans down onto his knees, his fingertips brushing through your hair.

“I’ll be on the couch, then.”

You shake your head and reach up to cup his cheek in your palm, “No, Sweets, just stay in the bed. I’m cold and tired.”

He laughs but it’s different than usual. Sweet Pea peels his jacket off and slips in beside you. Immediately you turn to face him and wind your arms around his waist, “Thank you. You’re warm.”

Sweets kisses your forehead and you see something hovering in his gaze, so you breach the subject and ask, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Sweet Pea answers immediately.

You shake your head and run your fingertips over his shoulder blades, “I’m not an idiot. I have been your best friend for almost two decades.”

“Yeah,” he says softly. “I know.”

Your hands maneuver to his cheeks and you can’t stop your thumbs from rubbing over his warm skin. His legs tangle with yours and you feel heat spring from your toes to your chest.

“I-If it’s about Evangeline, I’m sorry,” you push yourself away from him and feel tears soaking up your vision. “I didn’t mean to call you so late, you could’ve said no.”

“No, no, shh,” he brings you back in, tucking you under his chin, “that’s not it, I’m so sorry. Look, I just-” Sweet Pea hides his nose in your hair and takes in a deep breath, “I’m just mad Layton split on you and Eve. And it’s late, so I’m spewing crap. I’m sorry, let’s just go to sleep.”

“Sweets,” you speak desperately. You pull his cheeks so he’s looking at you and your heart is racing, “Please don’t do this, don’t shut me out.”

His lips press against your forehead and you feel your eyes grow heavy from his warmth, “We’ll talk in the morning, okay?”

One of his hands dips under your shirt and his palm is soft and hot against your back. He runs his fingers up and down your spine and it lulls you to sleep.

-

“I can’t believe you agreed to come to the game with me,” Sweet Pea throws an arm around your shoulders. He pulls you close and presses a quick kiss to your temple before looking down at the bundle in your arms.

“And you too, Miss Evie,” he pulls her beanie from over her eyes and kisses her forehead before settling back into his chair. 

A young couple comes up to you and squints down at your baby in your arms and smiles at her chunky cheeks, “She’s so beautiful! Looks just like her daddy, huh?”

You go to correct her, but Sweet Pea sits forward and thanks her, “She’ll be one in a couple of months.”

“She’s adorable,” the woman comments again before she and her partner walk to their seats.

You throw a look at Sweet Pea, wide eyes and raised brows, “What was that?”

He shrugs, “Can’t hurt, can it? We don’t know them.”

His arm is warmer around your shoulders as he tucks you into his side, Evangeline cradled between your bodies.

-

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Evangeline, happy birthday to you!”

Everyone cheers and you nudge Evangeline towards her cake that’s meant for her grubby little hands only. There are a few other mothers here with their children, but it’s mostly family - and Serpents.

“Happy birthday baby,” Sweet Pea holds one of her hands gently and pushes it into the frosting. She looks at him with wide blue eyes and begins laughing hysterically. Afterward, it’s every person for themselves as cake and frosting begin to fling all over the house. Luckily, you’d thought to protect your walls and floor with plastic tablecloths so the cleaning should be easy.

Sweet Pea grabs you around the shoulders and pulls you into his body, his arms warm and tight around your shoulders. He kisses your forehead and then your hair, a smile evident on his lips.

The party begins to wind down, all of the young children - and the mothers, too - worn out from the sitting outside in the sun and keeping up with their toddling tots.

One of the single mother’s you met in your support group comes to give you a hug, her daughter already in her carrier. She smiles, “I’m so glad you and Sweet Pea could find one another. Evangeline is going to love her parents.”

You open your mouth to tell her that Evangeline’s father is an ungrateful coward, but Sweet Pea sidles up next to you and thanks her before you can get a word in.

You look up at him to question his antics, but his lips are on your cheek before he’s on the move again, helping out the mother’s put their children in car seats and carrying their bags for them.

Your hands are on your hips as you study him, his tall, built frame squatting underneath SUV trunks to load in frilly bags and tiny babies into their car seats. You can’t help the smile on your face, but you try to hold it back with your teeth against your lower lip.

-

As soon as the word slips from her lips, you feel your whole world drop out from under you.

“Daddy! Can’t catch me!”

You drop the dishes in your hands and Sweet Pea looks up from where he’s chasing Evangeline around in the living room to watch as the color drains from your face. 

He catches her by snatching the back of her shirt, her thick legs unable to balance her so she falls on her bottom. Luckily she’s still tiny and so the fall is relatively short. Sweet Pea picks her up and takes her to her play pen, the area roped off from the rest of the house.

“If you stay here and play by yourself for a minute, I promise I’ll play with you until bedtime,” he nods to her as he sets her down on her feet. Evangeline tries to pout, but realizes it won’t work and instead pushes herself up onto her tip-toes to press a sloppy kiss to his lips.

“Okay, daddy,” she hums, “I’ll be waiting.”

You’re not sure how your daughter became so articulate at the young age of two, but currently it’s not helping your situation.

“Sweets, I am so sorry,” you shake your head and start plucking up the large pieces of porcelain as he makes his way into the kitchen. Tears stream down your cheeks but you busy yourself with the clean up. “I-uh, I didn’t-I’m so sorry, she doesn’t know any better.”

“Hey,” he reaches across the space between you to help guide you out of your mess, “it’s okay. Like you said, she doesn’t know any better.”

Sweet Pea props you up on the counter, your knees open so he can fit between them. You shove your hands over your face and shake your head, “I’m so sorry, Pea. Really. I’m so friggin’ embarrassed.”

“Don’t be,” he speaks softly. His large hands encompass yours, guiding them down so he can look in your watery eyes. He chuckles, his gaze softening the longer he has to take you in.

“How could she know any better, hm?” Sweet Pea asks you indignantly. He shrugs his shoulders, wiping your tears away, “Everyone else can’t even tell if we’re together or not. I practically live here, sleep in your bed. How does she know that I’m not her father?”

“That’s my fault,” you whimper, your lip trembling as you realize what he’s saying. He’s trying to get out of your life, and he needs to. He doesn’t deserve this burden that you and Evangeline put on his shoulders. You nibble on your lips to try and create words, “I-I pushed you to do this, I wrangled you in here and I made you some sort of pseudo-father for her. I should have never-”

Your lips can’t form words because Sweet Pea’s mouth is on top of them.

You’re frozen and therefore you cannot react, which gives him the wrong impression entirely. You gulp and he pulls himself away from you, distancing your bodies and your mouths.

Instantly his face turns bright red and he tries to stammer out an apology. Instead of listening to it, you yank him by his leather jacket and seal his lips with your own.

Sweet Pea’s hands are on your hips, digging into your skin as if you were some sort of anchor, and your fingers are in his hair. His throat shakes as a groan escapes his lips, your name tumbling from his teeth.

“Sweets,” you whisper, feeling his mouth track down your cheek to your jaw. You can’t open your eyes as his lips trail over your skin, “Pea, I-”

“You what?” he asks, looking up at you through dark lashes. “Want me to stop? Want me to leave?”

Your fingers secure themselves in his hair, holding him steady so he looks you in the eye, “I want you to stay. Here.”

“I already do that,” he chuckles, his fingertips dipping under your shirt and searing your skin. You swallow thickly, “I-I mean permanently. I want you to live here and not have to go home to get more clothes.”

“Darling,” his voice is soft, softer than you’ve ever heard it before, so soft it almost breaks. You feel a tear drip over your eyelid and he catches it on his thumb.

“I-I love you, Pea,” you push the words past your lips even though they’re not foreign between the two of you. “And I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with me, with us, in the past. I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to - but I want to ask you to stay, to be with me, with us.”

Sweet Pea kisses you again, feverishly, his hands roaming over your back and biting into your skin. You gasp as his lips connect with your neck, your hands roaming over his abdomen to hold him closer.

“Mama! Daddy!”

You hear the slap of feet against the wood flooring, Evangeline’s tiny figure teetering in front of the two of you in the dining room. She giggles as she sees the two of you so close, “Pway now?”

Sweet Pea ducks his head into your neck and you feel his tongue swipe over your collarbone, unbeknownst to your daughter. You grind your teeth together and dig your nails into his sides. He winces, but chuckles against your skin.

“Yes, darling,” you smile as Sweet Pea retreats from his beloved spot on your shoulder. He turns and picks her up, twirling her before planting a comical kiss on her cheek with a loud smack. Evangeline giggles and you can’t help the grin that tugs your lips skyward.

Sweet Pea runs in circles around the living room and into the kitchen, pausing for a moment to look you in the eyes, “Oh, I love you too, by the way. In case you were wondering.”

You bite your lip, wondering how in the world you got so lucky.

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 120: Storm in the Room

“Sometimes I wonder if it’s even you up there.”

There are certain episodes of Steven Universe that act as culminations to multiple stories from the past. Pseudo-finales like The Return and Earthlings rely on tons of backstory to show how far we’ve come in the series, and big showstoppers like Mr. Greg that do likewise for specific characters rather than the show as a whole. But as our saga continues, we’re blessed with stories that have the same vast reference pool as these payoff episodes without the finality; at this stage, so much has happened that “regular episodes” can also be riddled with nods to how small elements of Steven’s overall journey have shaped his universe. Storm in the Room isn’t about solving problems, but acknowledging them, and because the problem at hand involves the past catching up with the present, I love how much this episode looks back.

We start right as The New Crystal Gems ends, making this the seventh episode in a row documenting a very long day in Steven’s life (granted, one of them is him listening to what his friends were up to on Earth, but he’s still stuck in the Zoo uniform). Connie, glad to relinquish her guardian duties, gets nervous when Dr. Maheswaran doesn’t answer her phone, and Steven tries to relieve the tension in a way that seems insensitive at face value. His insistence on playing games when she’s clearly upset is awkward as hell, but he eventually acknowledges Connie’s feelings in a way that shows that in his own flawed way he was trying to help. The problem is that his version of help involves ignoring problems instead of facing them, and if this seems familiar, Connie completes the reference by practicing a calming breath from Mindful Education: she learned that episode’s lesson, but just like his mother, Steven’s instinct is to push his issues away.

Connie’s reunion with the good doctor evokes the ending of Nightmare Hospital, with Steven gazing from a distance at a mother and child embracing after a scare. But this time we don’t get the bittersweet imagery of his big smile slowly fading as he hugs Rose’s sword; he’s just alone, a background character to something he’s never experienced, all bitter and no sweet.

The tonal shift when Connie departs is stark and sudden. So far the episode has been full of Steven’s chattering, Aivi and Surasshu’s subtle score, and the ambient sounds of crashing waves as Steven says goodbye, but as soon as he shuts the door we’re met with crushing silence. It’s not hard to guess that his cheer has been forced, but it’s still brutal to see the act drop all at once before an extended and largely wordless routine of taking care of himself because nobody’s around to take care of him. We might not know it until A Single Pale Rose, but just like his approach to problem solving, his double life as an outwardly chipper hero that’s secretly suffering is another way he’s his mother’s son.

From the start of this quiet period, we see his discomfort with the portrait of Rose that’s graced his room for the entire series. The last time it’s been this prominent was Rose’s Scabbard, another eye-opening episode about her past, but now it haunts Steven as he makes his way through an empty home, magnified to show how small he’s made to feel by the cosmic scale of his burdens.

Steven briefly heads outside to avoid the picture staring at him through closed eyes, and we get a moment of pleasant rain that earns some murmured approval, but it morphs from the baptismal drizzle of The Answer and When It Rains to the harrowing downpour of Alone At Sea. Only when he’s back inside, with his dinner ruined and nowhere else to turn, does he truly speak. And for the first time in ages, since the era of An Indirect Kiss and Lion 3, he speaks to Rose.

It might be enhanced by the silence preceding it, but Zach Callison’s performance here is tremendous, even for him. Steven doesn’t even have the energy to be angry, he’s just cold and weary as he finally starts verbalizing his negative thoughts. They’re enough to make his mother’s door glow, and he knows as well as we do by now that Rose’s Room is a place of horror as well as wonder, but he steps inside anyway.

It’s so important that Steven admits right off the bat that none of what he's about to see is real, not just because it’s been a while since young viewers saw this place, but to preface the emotional illusion with his mental awareness of its fakery. He isn’t being fooled like he has in the past, but he’s so desperate for this connection that he’s willing to take questionable means to get it. When he asks to see his mom (rather than asking to see Rose Quartz), the clouds form into another image of her with her eyes closed, but unlike the portrait, she can open them right up.

Steven is already nervous when he enters the room, and gets even more flustered at the voice of his mother coming out of the simulacrum. But the illusion is so real that he composes himself, and despite his earlier nod to reality, he’s clearly drawn in no matter how much his head might tell him not to be.

There are tells, of course. Fake Rose Quartz Rose Ersatz is all about what Steven wants to do, lets him win at his video game with a patronizing “Hooray,” and gives a dramatic speech about the value of sports because the only reference point Steven has to her voice is the similar tone of her message from Lion 3. But beyond the appearance factor, there are tricky ways Faux Quartz seems more real than Connterfeit from Open Book: she’s inquisitive about the video game, she’s willing to pull pranks on her kid, and she provides a compelling rebuttal to Steven’s anger that suggests that maybe, just maybe, her room has a good enough grasp of the genuine article that this is more than a simple fake. After all, back in Rose’s Room, the most detailed deception was Greg, the person Steven encounters that Rose knew best.

But before we get into that conclusion and rebuttal, let’s look at the prank. There’s a certain mythological power to yanking a football away from a kicker: Charlie Brown isn’t that different from the likes of Tantalus or Sisyphus in this metaphor for futility, and while it’s obviously a funnier gag than trying to push a bolder up a hill, the inherent sadness of classic Peanuts is inextricable from the laughs. The glimmer of hope has to be built up every time, only to be dashed when Lucy betrays Charlie Brown’s trust, and it’s not hard to see the parallel with Steven trying again and again to understand the truth.

(While I loved my Peanuts growing up, my favorite iteration of the football gag is this spoken word reenactment starring Paget Brewster as Lucy, John Moe as Charlie Brown, and two of my comedy heroes, Paul F. Tompkins and “Weird Al” Yankovic, enjoying the show between them. It’s brilliant both as a tribute and a deconstruction of Charles Schulz.)

Given the setting, it’s inevitable that the situation turns dark. But despite the turmoil Steven endures, there’s a sense of catharsis as he unloads all his angst after spending so long bottling it up. As with Joy Ride and Steven vs. Amethyst, our hero reveals new insights into what’s going on in his head in a way that can’t be done right without saying it outright. His anger is sold by its specificity, and Callison again proves his chops in a damning monologue about all the ways Rose failed the expectations that have been built for him.

Out of the gate he connects her lie about bubbling Bismuth with the hypocrisy of her shattering Pink Diamond while punishing her friend for suggesting it. It’s a problem that was at the forefront of my concerns when the news of the shattering was first told, and while I felt vindicated in the show talking about it at last, it sucks that this didn’t lead to freeing Bismuth to continue the conversation. He’s just getting revved up, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get past how Bismuth was left high and dry for so long when I assess the show as a whole.

The real meat of the rant involves Steven isolating Rose’s biggest flaw. It’s visible from the second episode of the series, which revolves around Steven looking for a cannon that Rose could’ve told her friends about before passing: she has trouble telling the truth. Sometimes it’s negligence, as with the cannon, but often it’s deception. It was so ingrained that Pearl interpreted it as a sign of great leadership in Rose’s Scabbard, and Garnet’s obfuscating attitude before her character development kicks in could be read as an influence of the old boss’s style. So it’s about time that Steven out and calls her a liar.

I love that after so long worshiping Rose, Steven does a full swing in the opposite direction when forced to confront her imperfections. He’s not interested in seeing anything from her point of view, but assumes the worst possible intentions: we go from her causing harm (which is certain) to her intending to cause harm (which is probably not the case) to Steven worrying that he only exists as the ultimate escape option (which is definitely not the case). Even though Rose Quack counters this last point with calm grace, and Steven seems to accept that the tape was telling the truth, it’s hard to trust a character defined by mistruths. We’ll see in Lion 4 that even though he lets her off the hook at the end of the conversation, his doubts persist.

Regardless of the details, Steven’s fate is set. Whether or not she meant for it to happen, he did inherit Rose’s messes, and because his martyr complex has taken root, he’s all set to sacrifice himself at the end of the season. He took the big step in addressing how awful his situation is, which is better than letting it fester the way it’s been doing for sixteen episodes, but the step is perhaps too big. There’s a balance he has to reach for him to truly be happy, but it’ll be a while yet before he finds it, because he’s a fourteen-year-old kid.

After such a heavy episode, it makes sense that we end with some hope. Steven sorta oversells a sense of surprise that all four members of his immediate family have returned, but he’s been through a lot so I’ll cut him a break. We get pizza with the wrong topping, but as Greg predicted in Keystone Motel, Steven has learned to accept all pizza.

Perhaps the most important aspect of Storm in the Room is that it actually sticks. Mindful Education seems to be the start of a new outlook, and Steven does start looking for more answers after futzing around for a bit, but a more apparent shift takes place here that it’s gonna take a while to pull out of. He’s not trying to find the truth anymore, because the sheer scale of untruths surrounding Rose makes real answers seem impossible; plus, the last time he tried his dad was almost stolen forever. So for now, he’ll have to settle with sulking. Thank goodness the show makes it interesting to watch.

Future Vision!

Steven’s discomfort with Rose’s portrait never really goes away; after a couple of years, he decides to store it in Lion’s mane at the end of Rose Buds.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

A heavy episode, gorgeously paced and directed, but honestly it’s such a bummer that I don’t watch it that often, and the conclusion with Steven’s living family feels just a bit too cute for this to crack the top of my list.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

Last One Out of Beach City

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Mindful Education

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

Steven’s Dream

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Kindergarten Kid

Buddy’s Book

Gem Harvest

Three Gems and a Baby

That Will Be All

The New Crystal Gems

Storm in the Room

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Adventures in Light Distortion

Gem Heist

The Zoo

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

Know Your Fusion

Future Boy Zoltron

No Thanks!

     6. Horror Club      5. Fusion Cuisine      4. House Guest      3. Onion Gang      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure