#but also six fucking weeks without my vape doesnt sound doable...

[moonlightbraveheart]

I have made it to the end of day 3 of quitting nicotine cold turkey. This may not sound like much but God it's a fucking challenge for me. Yesterday wasn't as bad as today was. I've given all my stuff to my friend for safekeeping. The cravings are kind of insane, I kept hearing they would pass and be brief even if frequent but this has been a near constant thing all day, I can barely concentrate on anything else.

One of my other mates kept vaping around me today at work and it took everything in me not to climb over the desk like some kind of goblin to steal his vape. Really pissed me off that he knows I'm trying to quit and kept doing that. Got so angry I had to just take myself outside to calm down before I said something Unpleasant.

I think the whole generally feeling like shit thing is starting to kick off some of my other mental health garbage bc I have been really anxious today to the point of some of my old paranoia/persecutory schizospec bullshit things rearing their heads again. Noticed a security cam at work that I thought was new and flipped the fuck out and tried to hide from it, my coworker/friend/flatmate (who knows abt my brain shit) had to reassure me its not only always been there but she checked and that specific camera is also fully disconnected/non functional in the first place. Still didn't want to be in its "line of sight" when trying to leave the building. Also flipped about a car pulling up outside work which is uh. Not an uncommon occurrence or worth flipping out over. Relieved to be home and not working tomorrow.

Really fucking wish I had a pack of ciggies right now but that would 100% defeat the purpose but God I wanna smoke so bad it actually makes me feel like crying. I've tried chewing gum and having cups of tea and playing phone games and nothing is quite doing the distraction trick here.

If anyone is reading this and magically somehow has any experience with cessation please do feel free to give advice this Sucks man.