#but even for 1 and 3 (have replayed significant less times) its still stands

[by-your-leave]

One thing we don’t talk enough about Metal Gear is how good it is with its ambient music

[soobadnoonecanstopher]

Only the One you Love, Part 9 (A Kyungsoo Series)

Genre: Angst / Romance / Smut / Fluff

Characters: You X Kyungsoo

Warnings: Graphic Smut, unprotected sex, some tense strawberries meant for human consumption, a mighty thirst, your author breaking the 4th wall, and omg two Y/Ns collide. Those who have read all three series in this universe (All His, I Give Up, and 2am) will find parts of this chapter particularly significant.

Only the One you Love[M]:  part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9

There is power in panic.

Panic makes people stupid.

Mass panic has the ability to turn a single rational human being into an animal incapable of rational thought -- when panic is introduced into a group of people; formerly rational human beings are capable of trampling over each other to reach the exit of a burning building. Panic makes a once smart person, a damn imbecile.  

Panic has the ability to take what you thought would be a reasonably dealt with situation like oh, an accidental kiss on the lips -- something that could be just a slip but definitely nothing to lose your mind over. It could have been something to be absolved with an apology — oh, sorry I drank a little too much and got too excited; sorry I lost my mind for a moment; sorry it felt so normal and comfortable, I forgot who you were for a second, I don’t know what came over me — when panic takes ahold of that situation, sometimes things can get much, much worse.

You swear to god, you used to be normal.

But panic had turned you into a dumb, instinctual animal and they were all watching you with their shocked faces and Kyungsoo...Kyungsoo was absolutely frozen with it. The shock of it.

You had just kissed him on the lips after winning a stupid drinking game and you did it with witnesses. S.M. employed managers were here. Staff members loomed along the edges of the room with drinks in hand and thoroughly scandalized looks on their faces — mouths agape in unison like a television church choir silenced by the mute button. They were watching and they were forming their conclusions and oh christ you were done for. Their conclusions would be the end of you. There would be an investigation. There would be lawyers. There would roll your head along the wooden platform after the guillotine was pulled to the ground by the gravity of this mistake.

You felt the fear course through your chest and — oh god oh god — was that the taste bile on the back of your tongue?

Somewhere inside your panicked mind, in the same space that clawed and shoved bodies out of the way as flames licked and climbed the walls behind your back, sat your imagination pouring through the books searching for the solution to this mess — oh god, you would be fired. You would be sued. You’d never get to keep another dime of your own paycheck and you’d be blacklisted from any and every translating job you ever applied fo — somewhere inside the panic grew a plan. A terribly stupid and horrible plan.

Inappropriate personal relations with idol group members.

Personal...personal.

The panic was powerful. You were out of ideas. You’d remove the personal part.

If Kyungsoo’s eyes had been huge when you pulled your lips away from his, they nearly fell right out of his head when you clapped your hands in front of your face in faked, over the top, vomit inducing celebration of winning that stupid game, his eyes, they shook and trembled in confusion when you spun away from him and grabbed the nearest human body that happened to occupy the space of earth beside Kyungsoo. This new person, another member of your inept band of idiots hereby assembled and crowned as the winners — another member of the Singles, with his eyes unblinking and his face frozen in genuine surprise — you pulled that boy down, your hands yanked on warm cheeks until your lips made contact with his lips and you smacked loudly and dramatically before you shoved him away, a maniacal laugh bursting from deep within your lungs.

You sounded possessed. Perhaps you had been. Jongin gasped and fell down onto the couch behind him and covered his mouth with the flat of his palm.

Sehun stood beside Jongin and he watched your approach. You didn’t have time for reservations. You didn’t have time for the furrow of Sehun’s eyebrows or the hard-line set of his lips at watching you whirl around the room placing your lips on whoever the hell crossed your path.

This was a farce. You were halfway through with it and then you could die in peace and Sehun resisted so much less than Jongin did. Sehun, for the love of god, he actually leaned into you and you felt the slightest purse of his lips against yours when you did it; when you kissed him — you were a fool. You hadn’t meant it. You were an asshole. You knew it was wrong. You knew it was the worst sin against him with how you knew he felt about you and yet, you were desperate. You pushed against the warm firmness of his chest and you felt the grip of his hand over yours. You opened your eyes to see his own brown eyes searching yours for an explanation.

“This is how we celebrate a win...the uhh European way, ha ha ha—” you lied through your teeth with a bright and cheerful smile on your face. If you smiled widely enough, would he believe it? Would they all believe the bullshit you served?

You didn’t even want to turn and look at any of the others, least of all Kyungsoo, who was a witness to the spectacle you were causing. You didn’t want to move on to Chanyeol who had actually taken a step forward with his arms extended and a cheeky smile on his face — he waited for his kiss. He welcomed it and your body resisted — actually resisted that step into him. Your stomach felt queasy and your hands were beginning to tremble as voices began to speak up behind you.

“That surprised me! I was wondering what the hell was going on.”

“But I guess that’s how Europeans are.”

“It’s a different culture after all.”

“They even have nude beaches in France.”

Oh, the lies upon lies. Oh, you hoped they would just buy it and move on while simultaneously never ever, ever mentioning it to you or anyone else ever again. Ever.

Chanyeol’s smile was too wide and he invited too much for you to give in comfortably. Not on the lips, you just… hadn’t you done enough? He was a member of the Singles team. He was part of this joyous celebration in which you reveled like a maniac. You wondered if you could get away with a swift high five for him when he leaned in and puckered his lips with a giggle. You could smell the liquor coming off his breath with the laugh and you aimed low, hitting the tip of his chin with your loud ceremonial smack and you were pushing him down roughly in mock laughter. You didn’t care about the look of mild disappointment that flashed across his face as he sat down hard on the sofa beside Jongin who only stared off into space with a shell-shocked expression on his face.

Oh god, sorry Jongin  -- Your guilty mind screamed at you --  He was a casualty of your lies. The room was spinning and your head was overheated. The party crowd had erupted into a noisy brouhaha; half accepting of your weird celebratory ways, half peppered with murmured disagreements on how you should behave while living in Korea, regardless of the other places you had been and it seemed like maybe, just maybe this group was drunk enough to blindly accept your rouse.

You wanted to run. You wanted to hide away forever and so you grabbed your empty drink glass for an excuse as you bolted -- a mumble about getting a refill tossed toward anyone who might still be paying attention to you. Your glance around the space was met with two pairs of deep brown eyes who indeed seemed to be paying very close attention to you.

You wanted cold; You wanted all of the cold everything you could have. It felt like your entire head was on fire. You wanted ice.

You also wanted a shovel and a deep hole, maybe even a heavy rock to set on top so you never ever had to come out again in this lifetime.

Inside the kitchen, you found the fridge and opened the top freezer compartment and you leaned your entire head deep inside. The chilly air coming from the freezer felt like salvation and you could feel its spindly fingers touching lightly along your burning cheeks. The cold felt amazing enough to let out a low groan into the empty space of that hotel room freezer. Soon enough, your groaning turned sour as your short-term memory flashed your most recent public disaster like movie replay and you wanted to die all over again. Not even the cold of the freezer could help this. What a disaster you were! You had just kissed 4 members of Exo; well, 3 and kinda Chanyeol, in front of everybody and they were no doubt out there still talking about what a goddamn mess of a human being you were. You stomped your legs hard into the floor below you and wished for this night to be over.

“Well…” The deep timbre of a familiar voice spoke behind the open freezer door, “that was...different.”

“Shut up,” you moaned into the cold empty space, “I want to die. Oh my god.”

“Chanyeol was into it,” Kyungsoo teased behind the door and you pulled the freezer closed tightly around your head, aiming to block out the noise or possibly suffocate yourself to death with it.

“Oh my god...Chanyeol…”

“Jongin’s face though--”

“Oh my god...Jongin...”

“Anyway they’re starting another game. You wanna go back out there? I think there might be some members of Exo that you haven’t kissed yet.” His tone was playful but it was also dark. And you definitely sensed a bitter flavor just under the layers or his jokes.

“Kyungsoo, do me a favor,” you spoke from well inside the freezer, where you considered taking up permanent residence. You felt the contrast of the heat of his body as he leaned against your flank, having rounded the fridge to stand close to you for super secret whispers about the multitude of sins you had committed in this life.  

“Hmm-” he hummed a response against your ear. Was he crawling into the freezer with you now? Would he join you in hell’s fiery furnace?

Was he upset that you had kissed nearly all of Exo? Would he tease you about this for the rest of your lives? Would he bring this up at random moments like during an anniversary dinner in a quiet restaurant — would he laugh at you for permanently scarring Jongin? Would the best man’s speeches all mention the time you tried to hide your relationship by drunkenly smooching everyone in the room?

“Smash this freezer door against my head until I lose consciousness.”

He didn’t laugh at your attempt at assisted suicide but you felt the softness of his hands connecting to your body at the waist; slowly slipping a pathway up your sides and his fingertips brushed too far forward; brushing against both sides of the cups of your bra. What was he doing at a time like this? How could his touch be so liberal after everything that had just happened? You dropped your arms some but still refused to extract your head from the freezer.

“I would do anything for love,” he cooed into your ear; his words fighting through the hum of the freezer compressor that clicked on and worked overtime to cool the entire kitchen now for as long as you had the door opened. There was something strange brewing the slowness of his hands and in the deliberate path they took as he touched you in a way that was definitely inappropriate for this party filled with so many people.

“But I won’t do that,” just as soon as the second line was out of his lips, his hands attacked as round determined fingers hooked under your armpits and sunk in with curved and pointed digits, aiming to tickle you out of your frozen hiding spot.

It worked. You curled in, jumped, and squealed in surprise at the sudden attack and your elbows were flying as he quickly wrapped his strong arms around you, pinning your arms to your sides and embracing you into a tight back-hug in the process.

It was shocking. It was very, very close contact and while there were no other party-goers in this kitchenette right now, this wasn’t exactly a private space to be playing around quite so physically with him like this. You heard his rapid and labored breathing mixed with the staccato giggles that vibrated through your back and you stopped fighting for retaliation as soon as his arms encircled you.

The surprise of the embrace cooled any fiery response you had to his tickling attack and you stilled your bones long enough for his laughter to quiet and for his posture to change and shift into you as he leaned himself against your back and inhaled a breath from somewhere beside your ear.

“I can’t believe you did that,” he whispered into your ear and the warmth of his breath brought with it the lightest scent of alcohol as it passed by your nose. You turned your head toward his words, too transfixed by the closeness to push his hands down from where they held you, a band of muscles and bones and skin just below your breasts. “How many times will you have to kiss me to make up for kissing all of them?”

This felt unfair. The whispers. His hands were warm and he opened his palms over your ribs as the edge of his thumb ran lightly over the bottom band of your bra.

What was the alternative? You fess up and lose your job and every bit of respect you had earned in this industry. Behind you, where he leaned against, you felt the concentrated warmth that collected and pooled just behind the curve of your ass and he didn’t even try to hide it by angling his hips or shifting himself away from you.

Besides, you didn’t see him coming up with any grand schemes to clean up that mess back there. He was just as frozen and shocked that it happened as you had been.

Yes, yes. You know. It was your fault. You were the goddamn fool who kissed him in the first place, but was he really going to hold onto you in the kitchen like this? Was he really breathing that way into your ear and inhaling, too slowly and too deeply, the smell coming off your hair like that? When you felt the tip of his nose brush lightly along the nape of your neck, you were certain that a spark of electricity jumped along the molecules in between. The cells of your skin jumped and vibrated with the jolt and the residual tingle left you feeling chilled enough for goosebumps to form on your limbs. Nearly every bit of skin pulled and tightened and reacted to him and your body reacted too. Warmth spread and danger built. You had to stop this. This was unsafe. This was the kind of reckless behavior that would destroy lives.

You gave a little shove with your shoulders and his grip around you gave immediately. His arms slid down and away at a suspiciously languid pace and you took a single step away from his body heat. You did a half turn, not quite ready to commit to this and face him head-on.

You placed your palms flat on the countertop in front of you and caught his eyes that watched you without a word spoken on his parted lips. His breathing though, you could see the evidence of it, labored and heavy as his chest moved up and down and he was watching only your face. You felt on fire again, except this had nothing to do with embarrassment.

You honestly didn’t know what to do. Aside from pushing his arms away from you; from breaking the contact of his skin to yours so the electric current could no longer pass between your bodies, you were out of ideas on what your next move should be. What you were certain of, was that you were in some sort of definite and immediate danger of falling back into his arms again; if your footing wasn’t sure and careful, you might just trip and he would be the one to catch you.

You wanted to blame the alcohol, but your drinks had been well watered down all night. Kyungsoo had made sure of that. Perhaps he was drunker than he let on? Why else would he be acting this careless?

“Kyungsoo, we can’t be doing things like this here,” you exhaled through gritted teeth and laid a palm over your chest in an attempt to calm the racing heart you felt inside your chest.

“Things?” He angled his shoulders parallel to the counter as you were and lifted his hands to rest his palms flat over the countertop surface just as you did. “What things are we doing? I’m not doing anything. Is there something you are doing?” as he said it, his eyes finally left yours and he looked around the kitchen space. The sounds of the party goers around the other side of the wall grew noisier as someone laughed at something and someone else complained noisily.

It was a tactic. You knew this much from experience, yet you couldn’t just let him stand there and deny putting his hands all over you and sniffing your neck the way he was. Plus there was the other thing that you felt happening down south. The whole game he was playing made you roll your eyes and you turned to face him with your eyebrows raised and a challenge on your lips.

“Really? You weren’t doing anything?” You advanced and lifted your hands to lightly roll wandering fingertips over his chest and he took a step back with a light gasp for air. When you leaned in closer to him, close enough to feel the warmth of his face against your cheek you breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of his skin through your parted lips and you had to close your eyes as the light fragrance that he wore danced along your senses and made you lose just a little bit of the nerve you had gathered for this challenge. God, he smelled good.

Well.... this was a mistake. You felt more affected by this than vindicated and when you opened your eyes to look at his face his eyes were open and he was watching you with a darkness inside his irises that followed every little movement you made with your face. When you licked your dry lips his focus fell down to watch your mouth move and when your eyebrows trembled and shook, his eyes followed the dance they did; each time returning to look into your eyes, each time bringing even more heat to the surface of your skin than you had there before.

“You must be very drunk,” you said softly. Were you talking to him or to yourself? You didn’t feel that drunk but you were struggling with your self-control immensely. You wanted to be able to blame it on something outside of yourself. You could at least pretend.

“I’m not drunk at all,” he said softly, “but I’m having a very hard time keeping my hands off of you right now.”

Another loud sound erupted from the other side of the kitchen wall where the group was and you turned your head to look behind you. It was laughter again and you knew it was only a matter of time before someone had a reason to come into this kitchen for something. You knew it was only a matter of time. How long had you both been in here? Ten, fifteen minutes at most?

Long enough, that was for damn sure.  

The coast was clear. The noise was just laughter and something sounded like it fell in the other room but you couldn’t see any signs of anyone coming. This was bad ideas all around. You had to either leave this party or return to it, but whatever you did it had to be away from Kyungsoo because the temptation was too great for you to resist without causing yourself some sort of bodily harm. You’d made up your mind, steeled your resolve and turned around to face him again.

Only this time, you were even less prepared than he had been when you felt the warmth and the wetness of his mouth cover over your lips. You were a marble statue; frozen in time in vivid detail, even the waves of your skirt carved into stone by expert hands and you began to melt when his lips moved and he inhaled a breath of air from inside your parted lips.

More than alcohol, you tasted him; the softness of his lips molded into yours and the hard outline of his teeth sank into your bottom lip and pulled, coaxing you, begging you to come into him, making your once lucid mind go soft and blurry until an outside sound caught your ear and made you close up your mouth, step away from his lips and his demanding traveling hands and that sound -- shit, who? -- that sound made your eyes pop open and you spun like a top. A guilty caught red-handed top of shame and sin and humiliation.

“Haven’t you caused enough trouble tonight? Seriously...” The words were spoken through a harsh hushed whisper and there it was again, the burning in your skin that seemed to be your general trend tonight.

“Baek--” Kyungsoo exhaled and lifted a hand to wipe wetness from his lips.

“And Sehun?” Baekhyun’s face was pink and his eyes were hard with anger. He had his index finger lifted and he pointed it toward where you stood trying in vain to blend into the pattern of the hotel kitchen wallpaper. “Who’s going to tell Sehun about this snake?”

It took you only seconds of his hard glaring eyes to realize he was speaking only about you with his unrestrained anger.

“Just how many of my friends are you fucking around with?” His anger was surprising and you flinched when he slammed an empty glass down on the countertop nearly hard enough to crack the glass.

“Byun Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo’s harsh voice called out as a stern warning and your view of Baekhyun’s scowl was blocked by the black of Kyungsoo’s hair as he stepped in front of you.

“Speak to her that way again and I’ll knock your teeth down your throat,” he growled at the drunker, angrier man standing in front of him in this tiny kitchen. You had to crane your head to see around Kyungsoo’s head and when he caught your movement from the corner of his eye he shifted to block you further with an extended arm.

“You and I need to have a talk.” When Kyungsoo moved again it was Baekhyun’s turn to flinch and you caught the surprised whimper as Baekhyun was dragged by the arm rather roughly from the kitchen to the bathroom that sat just off the entryway to the living area and heads turned in curiosity to see the two men shove through the doorway together and close the door behind with a click.

You wrung your hands together, surprised to find them shaking. That look in Baekhyun’s eyes had held so much anger, so much disdain at the mere sight of you, what in the world had been on his mind to find you in this situation with Kyungsoo. How could he have jumped to so many conclusions about your character with so little information to go on. He obviously had very little to work with. He knew about Montserrat. He knew you and Kyungsoo had hooked up then, but nothing beyond that? Every single time you had visited Korea to see him, Kyungsoo had kept you at his home alone. You didn’t socialize with any of his friends. You didn’t meet anyone outside of Sunny, the dog walker. Hell, you hardly even saw the natural sunlight when you were there. The man had kept you sealed inside a tomb of secrets. Even meals were delivered; left outside the door with payment made through bank transfer as if a delivery man catching glimpse of your face would be the end of his entire world.

No wonder Baekhyun had been in the dark. Baekhyun must have thought horrible things about you; sleeping around with whichever high profile idol you could sink your teeth into; accepting favors from the youngest, most impressionable member of the group. The job promotion, the little treats and the gifts he gave you. You had been taking Sehun’s heart for a joy ride as you still, what? Used Kyungsoo for sex whenever you felt like it?

Baekhyun had no idea about the months of dating. Baekhyun didn’t know about the love. Baekhyun didn't know how he broke your heart. He didn't know how fragile you felt inside when you thought about the possibility of letting Kyungsoo back inside, where the vacuum created by his absence had pulled and pulled at the edges of your soul until the walls were so worn away, so thin that only a small gust of wind was all it would take to cave you in completely.

Baekhyun didn’t know shit.

You wished you could be inside that bathroom right now and hear the excuses from Kyungsoo’s lips.

You’d made it three steps toward the door, your curiosity building when the shaking in your hands had finally settled down and you wondered how much you would be able to overhear with your ear pressed up to the door when you heard your name from the opposite direction of the bathroom.

Sehun called you. Sehun’s face was pink and bright and he wore a nervous smile on his lips and he held a half-finished drink in his hands.

You’d long given up on your drink. You had no prop to hold in front of you for security. All you had was that nagging feeling in your mind and the dryness in your throat that you cleared away with a look down from his eyes that searched yours.

“Uhh--” Sehun scratched the back of his neck and set his drink down on the kitchen counter. You wish he’d keep holding it. Sehun reached for your hand and you felt your own pulse quicken when he did it. It was something he did often, yet the ghost of Kyungsoo’s hands still left their impressions on your skin and you wanted to pull your hand out of Sehun’s warm grip.

“Did you need something, Sehun?” You compromised with a single squeeze of your hand against his before releasing and you pulled your own hand out of his. A half-empty plastic water bottle that sat abandoned on the countertop was your excuse and you grabbed it, claiming it as your own and using that as your excuse.

“I was just, umm--” Sehun was fidgety. His hands wrung themselves together in front of his waist and he had a shift in his stance that couldn't seem to make up its mind as he rocked on his heels in front of you and didn’t actually continue speaking. Instead, he ran his hands through his hair and rubbed over the back of his neck again with a restless hand as he made a face that wrinkled his nose and furrowed his eyebrows over his eyes that closed up tight for a second.

A feeling was dawning. This was…

Sehun was nervous to speak with you and you could feel something coming. It felt like the moment of stillness in between; when the winds simply stopped and every speck of dust in the air drifted and settled to the ground right before they started back up in a new direction.

“I just wanted to know if you had a moment, I wanted to talk to you,” Sehun finally whispered and his fingertips had found the hem of your top. As he spoke, he kicked the toe of his foot lightly on the floor underneath himself and kept his eyes down on his fingers that rolled the fabric of your shirt between his thumb and index finger. “I have something I think I have to tell you.”

The dawning feeling grew into something greater and you received enough of it to identify and name it. This was dread. You watched the flood of pink in his cheeks as the dread flooded your mind and you physically shook your head in an attempt to dissipate it. It didn’t budge.

“Sehun, you don't...have to--” You must have just been terrible at this. There were no words coming that could help and Sehun took a step closer. You took one back and a wall was there.

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Oh no. Not now.

You felt blackness then. Just cool, cold blackness that shadowed over your thoughts and your mind and -- and, no. No, Sehun. No, you can’t. You mustn’t.

The blackness in your mind had taken your words, what little you had left, and tossed them into the ocean. He’d finally looked up from his fingers and stilled the kicking of his foot and he looked into your expression which must have looked frozen in disbelief.

“No.” You whispered though it was under your breath. He was close enough to you to hear it and there was another tug at the fabric of your shirt. “You don’t,” you added -- whether it was just your own denial, or if you were trying to convince him of this, you weren’t sure, but your response made him inhale a breath and lift his head for a look around the room with no actual focus.

Your eyes traveled as well and you caught the curious glance of a few of his group members in your direction. Chanyeol met your eyes for a second and quickly let go. Junmyeon looked twice and took a sip of his drink for something to do. Were they all watching this? Did they put him up to it? Had they fed him the drinks and the courage to do it?

“Not think,” he said again, a little bit louder than he had spoken before, “I don't think it. I’m sure I’m in love with you.”

His certainty made you scoff the smallest laugh. There was no humor in it, but it escaped from your body and puffed out through your nose and you still shook your head back and forth.

“No, Sehun.” There was a frown on your lips as you said it and the frown was a reflection of the sudden and overwhelming sadness you felt inside your chest. You couldn’t help that, you felt sad. “You can’t.”

You reached for his hand, at last, pulling it off of the hem of your shirt and he looked into your eyes with his own dark brown ones that looked to be so full of determination and questions.

“Can’t I?” The question peppered out of his lips in a swift burst and his mouth hung open after the words were out and there was no trace of humor or amusement on his face. “Why can’t I?”

The questions were rhetorical. His eyes were watching you closely when you dropped his hand and he let it hang to his side.

“Why can’t I? Y-You don’t like me?” This question was much smaller and you saw the blue tint of hurt reflected in the brown irises of his eyes. “I thought -- I mean, we already get along so well, and maybe you could give me a chance?”

You’d never had trouble talking to Sehun before. The conversation flowed freely and easily like you had known him your entire life and had been friends for as long as you could remember. But this, telling him this -- this monumental secret of yours that wasn’t just your secret to keep but also Kyungsoo’s secret. Yet the pain in his eyes as he doubted his self-worth as if he wasn’t the most amazing, sweetest, kindest human being that you’d ever known in your life. You couldn't stand it. You couldn't let him think that he was somehow not enough for you. You needed something. You had to speak.

“Sehun, I’m in love with someone else.

“And that’s not going to change. It’s not fair to you. You can’t love me because I can’t return your feelings.”

He took only a moment to absorb this. And like a sponge, he soaked in your words and even seemed to grow just a little more from what he had learned. He lifted and he straightened when he spoke.

“Well, who is it?” His posture had shifted with this new information and he narrowed his eyes in your direction. You still recognized that look of determination on his face and you wished he would turn that down just a little bit here, this wasn’t a new choreography he was trying to master or a fast rap he was learning, this was your life. You weren’t something that was so easily figured out no matter how many hours of practice he put in.

“Does that matter?”

“Of course it matters, what if he sucks? What if he works too much or drinks too much and doesn’t appreciate you. What if he’s not good enough for you? Why haven’t you ever mentioned him to me? You’ve told me so many things, how could you be in love with a whole entire person and not have mentioned him once? Does he really exist? Are you making someone up to let me down easy? Sorry, no room in your heart for Sehunnie, it’s already filled with whoeverthefuck.”

The embarrassment of the confession seemed to have passed because Sehun was going now. His words flew easily and comfortably from his lips like they usually did when you both got to talking and you watched his face as he asked his many questions that you had absolutely no intention of answering.  There was a moment though when the focus of his eyes caught on something behind you and turned your attention to meet what he saw.

The bathroom door was open and a suspiciously quiet Baekhyun walked away from the doorway. He looked uninjured at least.

“I can’t really tell you much, Sehun. It’s...it’s a difficult situation to explain.”

Kyungsoo’s focus was moving over the faces of the people at this party and he turned toward where you stood talking with Sehun before he lowered his chin and dropped his eyes. And he was walking now, moving to where you stood without watching you. You were familiar with this sort of body movement. He was coming to you without it being obvious that you were his destination.

“Wait a minute. You didn’t get rejected did you?” This question flew over your head with your focus on Kyungsoo as it was and your silence must have made Sehun assume your response.

“What kinda goddamned idiot — now I’m worried, honey, is he—” he raised a hand to wave over his own face, “is he...you know...okay? Like does he have something wrong inside his brain or maybe he’s blind?”

Sehun’s expression looked quite serious as he asked you this ridiculous question and it brought a small chuckle of surprise from your lips.

“He has his moments, Sehun.”

“Who does?” Kyungsoo had reached Sehun’s side and looked up at the taller man who sported a deep frowning pout on his face when he saw Kyungsoo approach him.

“Hyung,” Sehun whined, “I got rejected.”

Oh god. He wasn’t about to tell him, was he? You felt a very sudden and definite need to change the subject immediately but you were too slow. Kyungsoo lifted an eyebrow and his eyes pulled in your direction, landing squarely on your face for a good five seconds before he looked back up into Sehun’s face.

“Did you?”

Sehun was nodding his head in big dramatic sweeps and you kinda wished Sehun hadn’t had as much to drink as he did because he seemed to have forgotten that you were still standing right here.

“She says she loves somebody else. Someone with really bad eyesight.”

This had Kyungsoo fighting a smile and you bit down on your lip to keep from laughing outright and Sehun looked in your direction for a moment, his eyes on you but his gaze never quite reaching deeper than a superficial glance. After a moment his focus sharpened and he inhaled a short breath. It was a gasp, a small one.

“Stop me if I’m just...drunk, but that friend of yours, the one with the ex that wasn’t...that wasn’t you was it?”

All traces of the smile you battled left your face and Sehun’s eyes widened when he noticed the change.

“Wait a minute so that means…” he extended a finger at you and held the point before dropping it to scratch lightly at his temple. There was a little head shake before he turned to Kyungsoo with a sharp inhale of breath.

“Do you know who it is? Maybe you met him at the eye doctor. She won’t tell me anything — what if he’s terrible — I have a bad feeling—”

“You drank a lot, Sehunnie,” Kyungsoo raised a hand to place over Sehun’s shoulder and began to rub slow pacifying circles over his back.

“I guess you don't know anything,” Sehun mumbled and his eyes closed for a moment as the alcohol seemed to catch up with him, “you would tell me if you knew anything. I know I can trust you, Hyung.” Kyungsoo’s hand paused its rubbing and you noticed the clench of his jaw as he looked away from Sehun’s eyes. Sehun did not notice the pink tint Kyungsoo’s ears took on. Sehun did not notice shift and the fall of Kyungsoo’s focus as he closed out the light and he did not say a single thing to Sehun that resembled any kind of real honesty about this whole mess and Sehun’s blind faith in his friend remained untested, for now.  

“Them.” Sehun came back to life suddenly and his eyes were wide as he lifted a finger to point across the room to the sofa where the other members of Exo seemed to be lost in a heated debate that involved sharply pointed fingers and some intense whining and foot stomping by Kim Jongdae as members laughed and clapped their hands. “Those jerks told me to confess and now look what happened. I was rejected and things will get weird.” Sehun turned his head to look back to where you stood behind him and you lifted your hand to rub over his back beside where Kyungsoo’s hand was rubbing.

“Nothing will get weird, Sehun. You can still come to my office anytime you want.”

“Can I come to your office anytime I want?” Kyungsoo was mumbling sarcastically and under his breath and you kicked your toe forward to hit the back of his knee, making his balance give for just a second, he stumbled and recovered in a single step and didn’t turn his head to look back to see the glare you shot in his direction.

The three of you were moving and Kyungsoo steered Sehun toward the group of men howling in laughter on the couch. As you moved closer to the group you could hear bits of their discussion and Jongdae seemed to be defending his honor vehemently. Or was he defending his dishonor?

“I am not a prude!” He stomped again and his fists banged against his thighs. He was standing in the center of the room and Minseok had a drink raised in his direction. He waited for him to take it after all the stomping was done.

“What is this? I’m not drinking this. I have to stay awake to call my girlfriend tonight.”

“Oh for the nightly bible sessions?” Chanyeol joked and Jongdae’s face whipped around in his direction.

“Don't mock my faith,” he warned and Chanyeol snickered into his hands. “We don't have bible sessions. We have a very normal, healthy, adult relationship.”

“Ahhhh -- I don't want to hear this,” Minseok said noisily and he pushed Jongdae’s hand up toward his mouth. Jongdae listened and took a sip of the drink Minseok had given him. He swallowed and winced as it went down and then looked back at a laughing Minseok with wide scandalized eyes.

“How much did you put? Is this all booze?”

Minseok was laughing too hard to answer but nodded his head and held on to his belly as he fell back into the seat he occupied, too drunk and too amused to respond with words.  

Jongdae huffed and set the glass down on the coffee table in the center of the room, clearly in protest of something.

“I won’t drink it. I can’t be the biggest prude in the room. Kyungsoo is standing right there he hasn’t even gotten to talk.”

“Sehun either,” Minseok piped up and you were a bit lost about what exactly this new game’s rules were now that you had actually stepped into the room.

You noticed the party was now completely comprised of the members of Exo with the addition of yourself now that most of the staff and managers had called it a night.

“What’s happening right now?” You leaned your head down to Jongin who was sitting in an armchair closest to you and he flinched hard and leaned away from you on instinct. He must have not seen you there and you nodded your head with an innocent smile to let him know you came in peace this time and not for his lips.

“Ahh, we’re talking about who is the least experienced… sexually. It’s Jongdae because he’s waiting for marriage, but he doesn’t want to admit it. So now there’s a punishment just because he’s being stubborn. Ummm--” Jongin was looking around the room now as he squinted at each member’s face, recalling their stories from earlier.

“--Baekhyun says he’s done it in a game arcade, but the arcade was closed to the public so it doesn’t really count and it was just a blow job so that’s kinda...you know...easy.”

“Like an arcade for kids, Baekhyun?” Sehun sat forward and looked judgingly at Baekhyun with his question and Baekhyun lifted his hand to count out on his fingers.

“Okay, like I said. The arcade was closed...so no kids. And two, it was just a blowjob and she swallowed … so no mess.”

The group of men groaned out loud with this new addition of way too much information and even you found yourself reaching for a freshly poured drink from the coffee table to hide the grimace on your face.

“And Chanyeol has a list of hotels. Just a bunch of hotels. He knows the dates and the names of the hotels and probably even the room numbers, so we all know he’s legit. Still...not very exciting,” Jongin said; his finger lifted to point at the next in line of the group.

“Umm, Me. I’ve done it in the dorm. Most of us have, for obvious reasons. Junmyeon too -- dorm.”

“Yixing isn’t around much but he’s not exactly quiet when he is, so...dorm,” Minseok was speaking again from the sofa, “I mean, it’s you, Jongdae.”

“What about Minseok?” You asked, suddenly curious as to why he was not in the list of possible suspects.

He heard his name and he turned to look in your direction.

“The kitchen pantry at my parent’s house during a dinner party. Party guests, my entire family, and some members were present.”

Someone was coughing in the room. Minseok spoke his piece with such a calm expression on his face that you found yourself gasping and staring at the audacity of the quiet man sitting across the room stating such facts without a bother in the world about it. Someone had choked on their drink and was trying hard to get the liquid out with bits of words thrown in between the hard hacks.

“Wait--Wait,” Sehun held his hand to his chest and sat up straighter to try and recover from swallowing his drink the wrong way. “The dinner party I attended? The one where you punched that guy in the face?”

Minseok did not answer with words but lifted his drink into the air with a single lift of a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and a tiny smile on his lips. He then took a sip of his drink and turned his focus on the two newest additions to the conversation.

“So...Sehun and Kyungsoo. Wildest places you’ve had sex. Otherwise, Jongdae drinks it.”

“Mine’s dorm too,” Sehun said with a glazed look over his eyes, “but, I mean, I guess I haven’t gotten my story yet, right? I wonder when I’ll get my own.” He looked straight ahead, still in that daze and you didn’t quite understand what he meant by his little question to himself.

He sounded drunker than he did before but most of the room was in a similar state by now.

All eyes turned to Kyungsoo who sat on the arm of the sofa beside Sehun, sporting a relaxed posture with his arms over his chest and an unbothered expression on his face.

“Kyungsoo?” Minseok called his name and Kyungsoo’s eyes sharpened on the older man who sat across the living room, clearly waiting for his answer.

“Look, he’s gone quiet,” Jongdae said quickly and you could hear the hope in his voice.

“He’s got nothing...maybe less than nothing. I’ve at least done some things...but Kyungsoo --” Jongdae’s wishful rambling was interrupted when Kyungsoo opened his mouth to speak.

“Movie theatre,” Kyungsoo said. You couldn't stop the reaction your body had to the words he spoke and the memories of that night with him flooded through your mind the second he said it. You felt hot all over. You felt cold too. It was a strange and simultaneously unexplainable contrast of feelings. You lifted your hands to cover tightly over your own closed eyes and you wished you could close out the world for the night. The inhale of air he took told you that he wasn’t done talking and you kept your hands over your eyes to keep the world dark for a little while longer. “Uhh...open for business, during a regular showing of a movie. Empty house, but...uhh...a public place.”

“What the fuck,” Jongdae cursed out loud and the room grew light again when you uncovered your face. Mouths were open and eyes were glued to the man who had finally stopped talking, thank God. Kyungsoo was staring ahead of himself, not looking at anyone specifically and you, like the others, watched his face in shocked silence.

His face was passive and he was motionless until you saw his eyes move and he looked up and to the left, to where you sat, staring at him in disbelief. Kyungsoo looked into your eyes and he securely held the eye contact with you. You felt like someone had lit an enormous fire inside of this hotel room and that fire had swallowed up all of the oxygen. You could not seem to make yourself breathe with him looking at you like that and the longer it went on the dizzier you felt.

After a spell, someone slowly clapped their hands. It was Chanyeol. He gave a small round of applause and their faces were changing as they shook their heads and celebrated this ridiculous game that didn’t even have any damn rules to it.

Jongdae was reaching for the drink on the table and he downed half of it with a loud cough and gagging sounds before inhaling again to down the rest of it.

“It’s always the quiet ones,” he mumbled between drinks and the interest in the game vanished with the last swallows of the alcohol in Jongdae’s glass.

You watched the drunken men grouping off and many of them hovered around a whining Sehun who complained about you rejecting him. You thought it probably wasn’t very polite for you to be standing right beside him when he did it, so you got up and wandered out onto the balcony of the suite which was accessible through the bedroom.

Much to your astonishment, you were quickly joined by a single member who you hadn’t at all expected to be the one to follow you out.

“Hey, uh...could we talk for a moment?”

You spun in place to face him and you could see that he had closed the sliding glass door behind him when he came out. He didn’t make any moves to where you stood though and even lifted his hands in place with a small yet sheepish wince on his face.

“I think I owe you an apology,” Baekhyun began with a steady and level voice and you gripped the balcony railing with both of your hands as you looked out over the night lights of the city. There was quite a bit of sincerity you could hear on Baekhyun’s voice and you were finding it hard to keep up the eye contact as he spoke to you. “I misjudged you. I jumped to conclusions about you that were uneducated and unfair and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

It was odd. The wind was blowing and it was cold on your skin and you had to wrap your arms over your stomach to keep from shivering and it was odd -- this man, apologizing to you with such a clear and level tone; such carefully selected words, they held so much power and you found yourself feeling the chill of that wind just a little less with each new word from his lips.

“I didn’t know...that he...that he broke your heart, like that. I didn't know any of it,” he said in a whisper and you bit down lightly on the inside of your cheek when you looked into his eyes. “I hope things work out,” he added with a small smile on his face and a puff of a tiny laugh. He lifted his fist into the air, giving a little shake as a salute of his positive wishes for you.

“Alone...or together with Kyungsoo… whatever you decide to do -- I hope things work out for you.”

“Thank you, Baekhyun.” The sincerity in your words was a reflection of the warmth you felt inside your chest and you saw his smile widen when yours did. It was amazing really, how quickly this person seemed to change in front of your eyes and suddenly you felt that much lighter. Baekhyun knew the truth. Baekhyun believed in you. He might even be on your side every now and again. Kyungsoo had told him everything and suddenly, and remarkably, the air inside your lungs felt lighter. The breeze that chilled you before, refreshed you now and you inhaled deeper as your smile widened.

“Or even, Sehun,” Baekhyun said suddenly and you could hear the laughter on his voice. “I mean, he’s just got the most ridiculous crush on you, you know I had to mute your name in the group chat because he just--” His eyes widened and he lifted a hand into the air, making a blabbering mouth with his fingers to mimic the way Sehun must have gone on and on about you to his members.

You laughed and shook your head. “I’ll have to talk to Sehun,” you said with a little bit of that sadness from before surging through your heart at the thought of coming clean to one of the greatest and most genuine friends you had ever had the pleasure of knowing. You hoped and wished that his faith in you wouldn’t be destroyed. You prayed that the hurt of concealing this from him would not run too deep into his beautiful heart.

Baekhyun’s phone was ringing somewhere inside his pocket and his smile vanished as he searched his pants for it. When he found the phone you watched the smile reappear and multiply and reach his eyes as he quickly swiped and put the phone up to his ear.

“Baby!” he shouted -- actually shouted into his phone and you jumped at the volume of his excitement. “Oh, sorry, sorry,” he immediately whispered when the response of the caller must have chastised his noisiness.

“Ohhh, is she asleep?” he asked, his voice much quieter now. “I didn’t wake her did I?-- Oh good. Can we switch to video? I want to see her.”

Baekhyun pulled the phone away from his ear and his eyes were glued to his screen with the most genuine look of pure elation you had ever seen on his face. After a second you saw him reach up to cover his parted lips with the palm of his hand and his eyes sparkled as they reflected the light of his phone screen.

“I can’t believe this. She’s so beautiful, I love you so much. I can’t believe we have a baby now. You know, I actually think she looks like me.”

A...baby? A what? The reflection of the phone made the wetness in his eyes shine and as if he suddenly seemed to notice you standing there beside him, he jumped when his eyes found yours, but his smile did not falter or shrink any. The happiness you saw on his face was meant to be shared.

“Look,” he breathed out through his parted lips and turned the phone around for you to see the screen. “Baby, this is my friend. She’s the Exo translator I told you about, actually...no I told you some bad things, but she’s cool now. I just didn’t know the whole story. It was Kyungsoo’s fault, don't hold it against her.”

On the phone screen, you saw the smiling face of a woman who held something small, cradled in her lap. Something small and something furry. It was a baby, but not the human kind. She was running her fingers lightly through the hair of a sleeping puppy who kicked and twitched as she dreamed and you waved a little hello to the woman who, if you really looked closely, bore a striking resemblance to yourself. Perhaps you were just imagining that.

It was a bit awkward meeting someone for the first time over a grainy cell phone video call so you gave your genuine support and congratulations on the couple adopting a brand new puppy to raise together and wished everyone the very best. Baekhyun gave a quick handwave to you as you left him to his phone call with his girls and you returned to find a way to get back to your hotel room for the night without attracting too much attention for yourself.

Your arrival back into the party did not go entirely unnoticed. A single pair of brown eyes caught ahold of yours the moment you stepped foot through the bedroom doorway and they did not let go of you even when you kept walking past where he sat on the arm of the sofa with his hands fisted together in his lap over his extended legs with ankles crossed. Someone behind him was playing music on a phone and a few munched on snacks set out on the tables.

You remembered the busy day and how you skipped lunch for work. Remembered how you made it back to your room only to be called away again as soon as your shoes were off and all at once the thought of leaving this place without having grabbed a bit of any of the food that had been ordered for the afterparty made you feeling just a bit empty.

Displayed out on the dining table was a spread of little sandwiches. Adorable triangles with colorful fillings and trays of assorted fruit too. Your hotel room could wait. You were hungry and the food was only half consumed by so late at night. You were sure it would only be thrown out if you didn’t have a bit.

You grabbed a plate and looked closely at the sandwich triangles, wondering what that bright pink stuff might be and whether or not you would be judged for disassembling it if you didn't like it. The fruit was safe. It was easy to load up onto your plate and you grabbed a single sandwich to at least smell closely.

While you busied yourself, you could feel it. The eyes of someone watching you. You knew if you looked up you would only become even more aware of it, yet the pull was so strong you could hardly even take spooning bits of melons and strawberries onto your plate without spilling any of them.

The feeling nagged and annoyed and you had to, you just had to give in. when you looked up, your suspicions were rewarded and justified in an instant when you found Kyungsoo watching you closely from his stubborn spot in the living room.

It appeared that he was waiting for you to look up because the moment you did you saw his hands move. He lifted a palm and rubbed it over his own belly and he frowned his lips dramatically for effect. Then he lifted both of his hands together and lifted his shoulders. It was a plea. Feed me too, please, I’m so hungry, boohoo…

It was so adorable, you wanted to spit in disbelief but you just rolled your eyes instead. And still, you turned back to the food and loaded up more sandwiches and fruit. Plenty to share.

You had failed to bring a second fork and your oversight was obvious the second you sat down and speared a strawberry. You felt the warmth of a human body that sat down beside you; resting his arm over your arm and he leaned in close to you with a casual parting of his own lips. And he waited.

“Are you serious right now?” you mumbled as you eyed the fruit on your fork. He did not move except for the twitch in his bottom lip that told you that yes, he was serious and he wanted that strawberry.

“This one is mine though. Look at how red it is. It’s the sweetest one I just know it.”

“You don't want to give me the sweetest one?” he asked softly with a definite pout on his lips and you looked from his face back toward the bright red berry that had tempted you so. The power in his pout was immeasurable. All you could do was shrug and sigh in disappointment and you leaned the fork toward his face. He could have it. There would be other strawberries.

Kyungsoo opened his mouth and the fork went inside and you watched as he used his teeth to bite into the big strawberry, carefully leaving a good solid half of it on the fork. He was chewing now and you felt his hand around your own as he pushed it back to you.

“You’re right, it’s very sweet,” he said and you looked around the room for witnesses to this. Minseok and Jongdae were singing a song. Baekhyun was gone; still outside on the phone probably. Sehun was asleep on Chanyeol’s shoulder and Chanyeol was texting on his phone. Jongin and Junmyeon were both gone as well and you could hear the sounds of a video game in the bedroom.

You popped the fruit end of the fork in your mouth and enjoyed the sweetness of the moment that you had shared with him. The rest of the meal was shared in silence.

But it was a silence that had a bit of heft to it. You found yourself drawn to him whenever he moved. When he bit down or when he chewed you watched his lips move, his jaw move on the side of his face or you would catch the moments when his tongue would dart out and lick his lips. He seemed to be eating slowly. As if he were somehow aware of your weird fixation on watching him eat and he was drawing it out for you. You had to be crazy. Maybe you were. The thought brought a tiny laugh to your lips and you covered it with a little cough.

He glanced at you when you did it and you quickly swallowed down the sandwich you had just taken a bite of with as innocent of a look on your face as you could manage.

The calm exterior was difficult to maintain when he lifted his thumb to brush over your lip, pulling away some bit of filling from the sandwich you had just bitten into and you held your breath when he stuck his thumb inside his own mouth to clean away the mess with his soft lips and his wet tongue and not a trace of a bashful blush or a nervous smile on that pretty face.

You couldn't even taste anything anymore. You ate just to fill your hungry belly and when you felt the first signs of fullness you pushed the plate away, giving him full access to finish every bit of food he wanted and you were standing up from that spot in your own little fire pit of hell in favor of the much safer kitchen for a fresh bottle of water to quench your thirst.

Kyungsoo followed you into the kitchen and you could see the abandoned plate of food left behind on the countertop as he passed you by. He hadn’t touched any more than you did after you left and you watched from the corner of your eye as he opened the fridge for a bottle of water; the same as you had done.

While you tried your best to avoid his eyes as you sipped, Kyungsoo was the opposite; and so very brazen about it. He uncapped the bottle and tossed it away to clatter along the granite surface. He lifted the bottle to his lips and pulled the liquid inside his mouth. His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and all the while he watched you. All the while you burned on the inside and the water you drank didn’t touch it one bit. You tried, you really did. But it was impossible to keep your eyes off of him.

“Are you ready to leave yet? I could walk you to your room.” He had come closer, just enough for the low whisper to reach your ears. You felt your cheeks burning and you wondered how much of a mess you looked. You certainly felt a bit of a mess when you paid close attention to the reaction your body was having to his closeness. Closing your eyes didn’t help it. The deep inhale of air you took into your lungs didn’t help it either.

“What’s that face for?” He was looking at you too closely and must have noticed something about your shakey self-control. “I’m going to my room, and you are going to your room. We’re just going to our separate rooms, right?”  

Sure. Right. That’s exactly what was happening right now. Just a couple of people heading to their hotel rooms for an uneventful night of sleep and deep relaxation and not a bit of sexual tension or longing looks or tempting inner doors with locks on them that could be opened with the easiest of flicks of the wrist. Hell, you were positive his lock wouldn't be locked at all. The door was probably still wide the fuck open and all you had to do was open your door and suddenly those separate hotel rooms weren't so separate and how on earth would you survive this?

Did you want to?

Ugh. Fuck.

Fuck it.

Just fuck it.

Fine, if he wanted to go to sleep then you would go to sleep too.

Let’s all go the hell to sleep.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go.” you forced a casual tone to your lips and took several large steps from the kitchen, around the long counter and the wall that had given the illusion of privacy so many times tonight and you shouted out a quick goodbye to the three conscious people who were still around. They gave little waves and Minseok bowed his head at your departure. Kyungsoo grabbed the overcoat he had arrived with and slipped a face mask over his ears and hardly a goodbye to the group members who were really just like family to him by now.

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol shouted as he made his way through the suite, “don't forget we’re doing the aquarium tomorrow. You said you wanted to come too,” he prodded and you heard a quiet agreement from behind you and you were gone. Your feet carried you swiftly down the hallway, away from that door, away from the group of people you had been working very closely and very stressfully beside for many days and you settled into a pace that had no effect on the mood that coursed through your body.

Kyungsoo fell behind; following the same hallways and pathways as you did and even stepping into the open elevator beside you when you waited with the button pressed to hold the doors and his eyes stuck to you like super-glue, watching you silently and refusing to drop even when you failed to keep up the intense level of eye-contact that he did.

In front of your room, you found your door key and placed it into the lock of your door. Kyungsoo had his inside his hand and did the same and you watched your lock turn green at the same time as his did.

“Goodnight Kyungsoo,” you said with your hand on the door handle. You’d already pushed the door open and stuck a foot into the space but something inside of you still lingered back. His lips pulled into the smallest grin with your farewell greeting and he did not say anything. He hadn’t even pushed his door open yet and you wondered if he would have to unlock it again.

“Will you be going right to sleep?” You weren’t quite sure what the point of this little talk was, but there was a war happening inside of you and your sense of propriety and decency was fighting the lust and desire that had been having its way with you since the kiss in the kitchen.

He didn’t answer with words but slowly, he shook his head back and forth and the smallest puff of air left his chest through his nose. It was the sound of mild amusement at the ruse you put up.

“No, baby, I’ll be up,” he finally said and you could hear the lock of his room engage again with a click.

“Oh.” Was all you could say. So many functions of your brain had stopped working.

“You let me know if you need me.” He added and he’d already pulled the key out again to unlock his door, pushed on the handle and was through the door without another word spoken to you out in the exposed openness of that hallway.

You pushed through your own room door and stood in the dark silence that awaited you on the other side of the click of your lock.

You were aflame. Your skin burned and prickled and you couldn't shake it with any of the self-calming exercises you tried while standing in the dark in your hotel room with the biggest temptation hidden somewhere deep inside your room and hardly any reasons at all to even attempt to resist it.

Was he waiting for you to open your door?

Despite the damage to your own sanity, you kept up the facade and you turned on your lights and puttered around your room getting ready for bed. A quick shower and teeth brushing. Changing into your comfiest oversized sleep shirt and even taking the care to follow your simple skin care routine and you found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed with your eyes glued to the closed door.

That closed door.

It had a voice of its own and it had been calling to you for the entirety of your nighttime routine.

You recognized the seriousness of your next move tonight. You understood what opening that door would mean.

And you sat with your spine straight and every one of your fears and apprehensions laid bare in front of you on the floor below your feet. You deliberated and chewed over them and they laid there rather lifeless and flat and after a half hour of genuine consideration, you began to bargain and compromise with yourself.

He loved you.

You loved him.

The fear of reliving that pain had once been the strongest and deepest wound and now…

He loved you and you loved him.

The fear was cracking around the edges. It had been for a while now but you avoided looking at it head-on for fear of its sharp talons scraping against you again.

But now that you sat down and considered it, it seemed to have lost a lot of its bark. That pain that had been so all-consuming hadn’t killed you. On the contrary, it seemed to have made you stronger. You learned to stand up for yourself a bit. You didn’t just take it when people called you bad names or said things about you and you never once had to go it alone. You had friends who you loved and who were on your side.

Maybe being scared to love again was something worth overcoming. Maybe you deserved to feel loved and to give your love to the person who you wanted.

Your empty bed had a force of its own and it practically repelled you from it. The pull to that door was stronger than anything you had ever attempted to resist in your entire life and your legs pushed you up and forward without hardly any effort at all to move your body.

Your hands found the door handle and your fingers flipped the lock. The sound was noisy and felt like a warning called out to the heavens that you had lost this battle. You had given in to the pull of his heart against yours.

It took you another moment of deep breathing to steady yourself enough to turn the handle and when you pulled the door open you recognized the look of the black hollow that existed on the other side of your door when there was no other door closed; there was only the open invitation to his room. There was only the blind acceptance of whatever you chose to do and he hadn’t even knocked or texted you to coax or convince you to move in his direction. He merely left his door wide open and waited for you to come to him when you were ready.

You pulled your door open and your eyes took a second to focus on what you saw on the other side; in his room. It was not completely dark. The bathroom light was on and the door left ajar. There was just enough light for you to catch his movements. He was seated in a chair and it faced the door you had just pulled open.

And when you did it, when you pulled the door open you saw him pull his head up from where it had rested somewhere within his hands. He had been hunched over himself as he waited. Wishing, or praying, or merely testing every ounce of patience the man had inside of himself; you had no way of knowing, but he sat up and looked at you when you pulled that door open and then he was standing.

He hadn’t said a word, but his legs moved his frame and he closed the distance between your bodies. He took the steps and he reached for you with his hands. You felt the warmth of those strong arms when he wrapped them around your shoulders and he pulled you into his chest with a firmness and a desperation that mirrored the feeling that was surging through your entire body.

“Do you mean it?” He said against your ear and your hands cling tightly that to the fabric of his shirt. He pulled against you, lifting your face with his hands on either side of your cheeks and his eyes searched yours for your answer.

“I need...I need you to mean this. If you don’t mean it then turn back around and close your door.”

Your body felt out of your control and you watched his lips as he spoke. He held onto you so tightly and you felt like without the strength of his body you might just collapse on the ground.

“Baby, tell me you mean this. I’ll be okay if you don’t. It’s okay, I can wait for you — please say something. I need you to mean it.”

“Kyungsoo,” you found his name with your tongue and it tasted sweeter than any silly fruit you had ever tasted and his eyes dropped to your lips when you spoke. He was breathing hard through his lips and you could see the shaky resolve he held himself back with. It was cracked and broken and yet it still held.

“Soo,” your words were sticky and he was too close to you to make out his features clearly. His dark eyebrows, the flush of his cheeks and the darkness of his eyes, “Kyungsoo, I love you.”

The temptation he faced had been so great; you felt the softness of his lips, the lightest brush of them against your bottom lip when you said it and you gripped his shirt tight enough to rip the fabric if he dared to leave your arms right now.

“Tell me you mean this,” he breathed against the wetness he left behind with his lips on your mouth and you breathed in for the air to say it.

“I mean it.” And his mouth was on yours. The grip around your shoulders slipped and fell to your waist and tightened and he slipped a hand below your hips to pull your legs up and around him. His legs were moving and you were moving backward through the doorway that joined your two worlds and he carried you through the space until the softness of your mattress; the plush hotel bedding and pillows met your back and his mouth did not leave yours as he merely breathed the air he needed for his own life straight from your lungs.

Kyungsoo kissed you deeply and completely. Your reality had shifted from the upright you once knew and you fought between wanting to keep your eyes open to look at him and needing to close your eyes to feel him.

He moved over you and fingertips were pulling off layers of clothing until the heat from his skin sent electric currents directly into your own skin and he was everywhere at once. He touched you greedily; his soft fingertips not stopping in the same spot for longer than a few seconds he felt like a surveyor desperate to chart every square inch of your skin and his lips, the plush gentle kisses that peppered over your neck; pressing harder below the curve of your earlobe and the wet warmth of his tongue that sought out bits of goosebump covered skin to taste.

You felt too out of control; too affected by his every touch. Your whines and whimpers were the only sound in this entire room. In both rooms, the echo of the sounds that you couldn’t stop from escaping your lips bounced back to your own ears, an echo of yourself, reminding you again and again how good it felt to have him touching you like this.

His tasting journey over the expanse of your skin brought him southward and your hazy memory of Kyungsoo’s love habit was jolted awake when his teeth sunk hard into the soft flesh of your inner thigh. You gasped out loud and his teeth gave way to his mouth that sucked just as hard as he had bitten, leaving behind what you were certain would be a deep purple bruise that would stay on you for days.  

The sting of the bite lingered and you had hardly a second to catch your breath when you felt the push of his hands against your knees, coaxing you to open your legs for him. You’d been bitten once and had closed on instinct, yet the strength in those hands was convincing and you heard a soft hum of approval from his chest that reached your ears when you finally opened. The sound pulled your eyes open; you had to look at him.

And his eyes, they feasted just as his mouth and his tongue had. He was looking at you with lazy blinks of his eyelids as his fingertips brushed lightly over the surface of your skin, he was touching, he was watching the way you reacted to his touches and when you squirmed below his touches, the corners of his lips pulled into a satisfied grin. It was maddening. He was only touching, he was being slow and patient as he did it and each sweep of his hand up your thigh brought his fingertips closer to the spot between your legs where the warmth had pooled and begged for something -- anything, why was he only looking, why would he tease so much when you already felt like you were on fire?

Couldn’t he just fuck you already and play with you later? You whined and you reached down to him with your fingertips, you found his short hair and your eyes met his dark ones and he watched you squirm with that same smirk on his face.

“What do you want me to do?” He said in a low voice that made your skin pucker and you groaned at this part. You always did. He wanted you to tell him what you wanted. He wanted to pull the words from your reluctant lips and you wanted him to just get on with it, but with the way he was watching you, with the way his fingertips left off just millimeters away from your most sensitive parts, you knew he was waiting for your words.

You knew it had to be torture for him. You could see and you could feel against your leg when he moved, the stiffness of his erection and with the way the tip reflected the bit of light coming from your bathroom, you knew he had only a few moments to last once he got inside of you. The build-up had already been too much.

“Please, Kyungsoo.”

This wouldn't do. It wasn’t enough for him, yet his eyes dropped from yours and slid down the length of you, past your heaving chest, your stomach, the space below your belly button where the unbearable warmth began and lower -- he looked between your parted legs and you saw him move lower -- seconds before you felt the tip of his nose bump against the mound of flesh and he pulled in a deep breath as he slipped the tip of his tongue out once, just once, to bump against your clit.

You opened your legs wider and you angled your hips down and he exhaled a hot breath from within his lungs - it flooded over the wetness between your legs and warmed you. Like he fogged up a window with his breath, he exhaled, again and again, refusing to go any deeper with his tongue no matter how much you writhed below him.

“Say it,” he whispered between your legs and you closed your eyes and opened your lips, too desperate now to hold back.

“Taste me, Kyungsoo. Eat me -- make me cum with your mouth,” your bravery was rewarded quickly but not before you pulled your eyelids open to see the satisfied smile on his face.

“Good,” he breathed out, and the tip of his tongue was slipping between your folds, “girl,” he said between the licks. “You are such a good girl.” he praised you quickly before his mouth opened up and you felt him lick the length of you, lapping up wetness and making such a sinful sound echo into your ears you would have blushed if there were any other sensations left for you to experience. As it was now you were already on fire.  

“Look at how wet you are for me, my love. Do you want me to suck on your clit? You know I would do it for you if you asked me to. I’d do anything you asked me to do.”

“Fuck, Kyungsoo.” it was too much. It was already too much. His fingers had slipped into the wetness between your legs already and you were having a hard time keeping any coherent thoughts active inside your mind, let alone being able to form any actual sentences like he was doing.

“You’re so beautiful when you beg me. ”

His fingers were inside, massaging and tracing patterns and you inhaled a breath and nodded your head quickly, an answer to his question.

“Yes, please, suck on my clit, make me cum, please.” Your words were short and staccato bursts and you lifted your hands to cover your face and most importantly your mouth because the sounds you could not help making were too much for your ears. What if, what if the neighbors complained? What if someone knew how much of a wreck you were in his hands?

“Don't cover yourself,” he said sternly and you knew it wasn’t a request. You dropped your hands to your side and gripped the fabric of bedspread beneath you and he dropped quickly down between your legs, placed his open mouth right over your center and you felt the brush of his bottom lip before you felt his tongue against your clit. And he pulled.

The suction of his mouth sent a surge of electricity through you and paired with the flicking movement of his tongue had your legs shaking and your hands in his hair. You squeezed and pulled, desperate to keep him there and you felt the build m-up in your spine; in your thighs; in your abdomen. You felt the surge as your nerves reacted and he didn’t quit; he didn’t let up and his mouth pulled with a purpose and you lost yourself to him. You lost all thought and you lost the desire to keep quiet.

When your legs fell down onto the bed and you loosened the tight grip of your fingers in his hair the tight connection of his mouth to your clit ceased and there was a scatter of wet kisses along your thighs. Your breathing was ragged and the world was dizzy and Kyungsoo was moving around the bed as you closed your eyes and savored the afterglow.

You lifted a hand to run over your face and found stray strands of his hair stuck between your fingers. Your breathing hadn’t a chance to recover when you felt his warmth beside you. You felt his hands on your face and he gripped you with that look of pure fire in his eyes.

“You,” he said and you felt his hand move down your neck, he reached your breast and squeezed down hard, “taste,” his eyes roamed a wild path over your face, “so fucking good.”

He leaned into you then; placing his open mouth over yours and you pulled his bottom lip inside your mouth and you tasted -- you tasted everything he meant for you to taste and he pushed his tongue deep inside your mouth; it brushed against your tongue and you swallowed until you no longer tasted yourself. You swallowed until you tasted only Kyungsoo’s kiss and he rolled onto his back, bringing you along for the ride, you found yourself on top of him where he laid, pressed into the pillows of your bed.

The position brought you in line with him when you straddled his waist and he sat up and griped you tightly around the waist and lifted, just enough; just high enough to adjust himself. Your legs were still weak and shaky from the orgasm moments before, but his grip was strong and tight on you. The trembling you felt must have been from you.

“I’ve got you, baby, shhh,” he cooed into your ear.

You must have whined. You must have shaken enough for him to notice how dizzy and how weak you felt because he wrapped both arms around you and lifted higher, bringing you up and over and you felt the tip of him, upright and needy, he slipped into your entrance and you fell onto him, giving in to gravity and to the unparalleled force of him. He filled you completely and the sounds he made when he did it were magic.

You found a rhythm. You found some strength in your thighs and he wasn’t usually one to make too much noise when he fucked you, yet there was something desperate that had built here. You heard the soft sounds he made, the grunts and groans and his eyes were closed as he pushed his hips up, pulling you down hard over his lap, he fucked into you with his lips hung open and that beautiful face transformed; he experienced you completely; with his eyes closed and his mind switched off, he was feeling everything you did and his eyes would open occasionally to look into yours and they rolled shut again when the sensations were too much. Because they were, everything was too much. You had been so spent already and yet you felt another chasm growing inside of you.

You gave in and moved your hips again, urging the feeling to crest. His hands gripped your flesh hard and fingertips dug into your flesh and the way he was trembling below you was telling. He was close.

“Oh god, baby, you’re making me feel so good,” he whined against your ear, “I need to cum inside of you.” His hands were firm around the back of your neck and he squeezed down as he pushed into you from below. “Will my sweet girl let me cum inside. Hmm, baby, please let me see that pretty pussy filled with my cum?”  

You were too gone to answer and you got through half a head nod of agreement when you felt yourself losing control again. Your legs were shaking and you tightened around him so much that you heard a gasp and a growl escaped his lungs and you were pushed; you were rolled over onto your back and he was on you without leaving you, he was pushing into you harder with stronger hands pushing your knees far apart as he fucked you.

“...so fucking pretty,” he said between pushes and your skin burned. The stimulation was already too much and you screamed as he shook and trembled between your legs and you felt shaking and heard the yell from his lips as his pace staggered and faltered. There was a burst amidst the tremble and you felt the spasmodic bursts inside of you as a new warmth flooded inside.   

There was a pause in his breathing and you held your breath to match. His screwed together eyes and his blissful face and those lips that held so much power and after a second you saw the movement of his eyes below his closed eyelids and his eyes opened and bounced from your face down and he was pushing up and off. He had a purpose in his movement. Your entire world was spinning and he was pushing off of you with his focus down to where your bodies still connected.

You felt the movement of his hips and he watched as he slowly pulled himself out of you and in the seconds where his breathing stopped again he watched and bit down on his lip with his heavy breaths still raging through his body. You felt it, the liquid leave you. You watched the look on his face as he saw and he gripped the spent tip of his dick and pushed again, a gasp and a wince on his face and it was all too much. The sight of yourself, filled with him. Filled with the evidence of the sex. Dripping out and spilling onto the bed below. He reveled in it and had his fill of the sight and it had consumed him just as it had you.

Kyungsoo was as overwhelmed as you were and you watched him sink with it, falling into the bed beside you. You reached for him and he reached for you and there were no more words spoken out loud.

There were small kisses and sweet touches and then he rested his cheek over your chest to listen to your heart; using you as a pillow of warmth and comfort. It felt so perfect and you would have wept had you not been so exhausted. There was a heavy sleep whose thick blanket was coating the both of you as your limbs tangled, heartbeats and breathing joined each other in a perfectly steady pace, and you let yourself drift. You let yourself give in to the love and security you felt inside his arms and you closed your eyes when you heard his breathing change.

You didn’t have to compromise or bargain or fight about any of it. You just closed your eyes and let it happen. You let yourself sleep and you let yourself love him.

Only the One you Love[M]:  part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9

[22drunkb]

Please could you talk about the weird and specific visual language of person of interest? I haven't noticed it before but now I'm intrigued

Hi, Anon. You sent this ask 8 months ago. I took this long to answer because I wanted to really lay it all out for you, with the right screencaps and reference images and a whole theory of why the show looks the precise way it does. But the fact is, that’s not going to happen. I don’t have the time or mental energy to do it properly, and I have finally accepted that because the almost completely written long-ass answer to a different question about a different show that’s been sitting in my drafts for about as long is still languishing! and it’s almost done! wild what grad school can do to a person.

So since I have accepted that I can’t do the Full Treatment I wanted to, I’ll just do the quick explanatory version.

POI has 5 main visual ideas it returns to over and over. These are:

1. Surveillance footage. This is notable because it tends to look, by normal framing and cinematography standards, bad; they are very deliberately putting out “bad” images to tell the story, which after all is in large part about surveillance and privacy. I can’t remember now where I read/heard this, but the EPs definitely talked about the struggle to get cameras into these really inconvenient spots to get the properly terrible angles that would play as plausible CCTV-type footage.

2a. Edward Hopper’s style. By this I mean less his use of color than his tendency to show one or a few static figures, small in relation to their (usually urban) surroundings, often locked off by a frame-within-the-frame (someone framed in a window within the larger setting, for example); and significant contrast in lighting. The emblematic example for me is the wide shot of John cradling Carter’s body next to the phone booth, right after the moment of her death. But a lot of the comedic exterior shots of a bar or other establishment inside of which John is wreaking havoc actually fit as well.

2b. Noir, which was probably influenced by Hopper in the first place (or at least was responding to similar aspects of the zeitgeist). “POI noir” is a very popular thing in the fandom, and I assume you don’t need me to explain it. I will say, though, that as a film genre noir is about the failure of institutions, loneliness, isolation, and doom, so the choice is both telling and appropriate. (The same applies to the Hopper point.)

3. This is related to 2 and 3, but there is a broader theme of small isolated figures against a big, empty (or sometimes empty by virtue of being anonymously crowded) urban backdrop. (This is something noir does a lot also.) The reason I’m separating it here is that POI does this a lot of the time without making it noir; it creates something lighter-colored, lower-contrast, and more contemporary-looking, but maintins a similar effect. Takeshi Miyasaka’s work evokes it very directly for me. What’s interesting about his paintings as well as these compositions in POI is that they often come off as unstudied, not overthought or excrutiatingly composed. This is not the case; they are very carefully thought out (in both cases). But they convey a sense of naturalism you don’t get from a traditional noir composition (or most of Hopper’s noirish work--some of his other stuff is different, but not relevant here), while maintaining that feeling of a small subject in a big, uncaring, not particularly beautiful world.

4. Comics. POI is often compared to Batman; in some ways it more closely resembles Batman’s even noir-ier antecedent, The Shadow. It obviously leans into this in 4x06, “Pretenders,” but it’s there in a lot of the action sequences. I’d cite the one where John goes after Quinn in “The Devil’s Share,” a lot of “Relevance,” or this as examples.

5. The “interior,” thinking/processing shots of the Machine and Samaritan. For these they obviously invented a lot. They definitely drew on what was at the time cutting-edge data visualization as well as the marketing materials of some leading tech and security companies to create them, but I think it’s one of the ways in which the show was most original. (Interestingly, you can see some of this idea being worked out before the show even began in the movie Eagle Eye, which had the same producers. It’s not a good movie, mind you, and its notion of AI is super simplistic, but some of the visualization in this area is clearly prototypical of what would play out on POI.)

A lot of these visual choices don’t stand out as noticeable (aside from the AI visualizations, which of course are unmissable). There are two main reasons for this. One is that none of them are constant. POI never set out to make every shot a stylistic masterpiece, the way a show like Hannibal more or less did. I assume this was partly because of the logistical realities of a 22-episode season, but it also works with the show’s storytelling. The idea they want you to get, that they reiterate over and over, is that the world looks normal but isn’t underneath. So the 5 stylistic ideas I mentioned above tend to appear in short spurts--an action sequence, a shot framing Harold against a New York skyline or the whole team by a bridge, etc--stitched together by pretty standard TV framing (shot/reverse shot, close-up, medium). This allows them to kind of ramp up and ramp down the level of visual intensity, using noirish or comicky compositions, or particularly intense AI visualizations, in line with the storytelling. It is also a kind of metaphor for the entire premise: things look regular most of the time, but they aren’t if you pay attention.

The second reason is that we are so incredibly used to surveillance footage! It doesn’t stick out to us anymore! This is actually very significant because, as I noted above, surveillance cameras are not positioned for aesthetic value. The point is coverage, not composition or image quality. So this is a cinematic product (a television show) that is working overtime to give you technically “bad” images. But those images don’t really stand out as ugly, per se; instead they denote truthfulness. So for example, the Machine’s POV (as opposed to its thought process, which is digitally animated) is almost always in this surveillance style. This reminds us of what the Machine is and how it works, and it also tells us that what we’re seeing isn’t subjective. It is not someone’s memory or their perception. It is a literal recording. This allows the Machine to act as our guide through the whole timeline, moving us back and forth through that horizontal scroll, zooming in on a moment or incident for replay. We never have to question if the Machine is lying to us or mistaken (aside from 5x02), because its memory is a video archive presented to us with all the hallmarks of video that means “proof,” not video that means “feelings” or “perceptions.” Once we’ve been transitioned into a flashback scene, that style can go away so that we can abandon the distance that surveillance introduces to engage with the emotion of the flashback scene, but they use that device to move us around because it automatically tells us “this is true.” Simultaneously, the ubiquity of surveillance-style shots reinforces that same message I talked about above: that we are being watched (because the world has gone sideways).

(Perhaps I should mention that Nolan and Plageman said a big goal of theirs with the show was to make people more aware of how profoundly the technological and therefore social world around them was changing with little notice or fanfare. One of the obvious ways they were trying to direct our attention on this point was to issues of privacy. Finch helping John out of a sticky situation by exploiting a homeowner’s smart TV isn’t just a matter of making Finch look clever. They wanted to let us know that if your smart TV has a camera, someone can remotely turn it on. [I know this is common knowledge now, but that episode was like 2012. I found out what Palantir was because of POI!] Just to contextualize why to me, “you are being watched” and “the world has gotten very weird” are basically the same message in the context of POI.)

One of the show’s key influences is The Naked City (the show and the film). The film version of The Naked City is notable because it was one of the first post-WWII movies to shoot on location instead of on a film set, and it was shot in NYC. It’s also one of the earliest police procedurals, in the form we know the genre today. It’s not exactly noir, but it’s not exactly not noir. It’s based on the photography of the famous ambulance-chasing, poverty-documenting photographer Weegee; you could say it’s an early example of a “gritty” film. It doesn’t have the elegant devastation of The Third Man or the deep shadows of Double Indemnity. It was all about bringing audiences the amazing spectacle of a real place; the paradoxical insistence on authenticity in cinema goes way back. The Naked City to me is somehwere between noir and cinema verité, and in that sense, POI is true to it as an influence.

[junker-town]

Patrick Mahomes’ knee injury sucks for not only the Chiefs, but all NFL fans

Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

If Mahomes misses extended time, the West could belong to the ... Raiders?

The NFL was without its reigning Most Valuable Player for a few weeks. Thankfully, that’s about to change.

Patrick Mahomes, one of the league’s most electric young stars and a frontrunner to defend last year’s MVP award, left a Week 7 win over the Denver Broncos with a knee injury. The third-year quarterback had to be helped off the field in the second quarter after a fourth-and-inches sneak gave the Chiefs a fresh set of downs — but cost them the heart of their offense in the process.

He’ll make his triumphant return in Week 10 against the Titans.

When the injury first occurred, Mahomes was quickly ruled out against the Broncos after walking to the locker room. Replays showed his team’s training staff working on his right knee before picking him up from the turf.

No good replay because the bodies were just piled on Pat Mahomes. But there was this. Yikes. #Chiefs pic.twitter.com/5l6bHFKkVt

— Michael Giardi (@MikeGiardi) October 18, 2019

Fortunately, an MRI showed it was a dislocated kneecap, and there are no fractures or other significant damage in the afflicted leg.

The MRI has confirmed the #Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes suffered a dislocated kneecap, but not significant additional damage, sources tell me and @JamesPalmerTV. He’ll seek additional opinions to be sure. The plan is for him to return this season after a brief absence.

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) October 18, 2019

No official timetable emerged for Mahomes’ recovery, but he was already back at practice less than a week after suffering the injury. Still, he was ruled out of Weeks 8 and 9.

Mahomes was seen with a brace on his knee after the Broncos game, and NFL Network’s Jesse Palmer said there was some initial optimism about Mahomes’ diagnosis, as did Mahomes himself:

Awesome team win! Love my brothers! Thank you for all the prayers! Everything looking good so far! #GodisGood #ChiefsKingdom

— Patrick Mahomes II (@PatrickMahomes) October 18, 2019

Mahomes’s absence threatened to be a significant blow to the Chiefs, but Matt Moore led the team to a 1-1 record, including win over the Vikings. It’s undoubtedly a good thing that Mahomes is back, though.

Losing the MVP, no matter for how long, sucks for Kansas City. It also sucks for anyone who likes a unique brand of football that occasionally borders on superhuman.

[Draft Kings Nation: If you have Patrick Mahomes in fantasy football, read this]

No quarterback in the league can replace what Mahomes does

Mahomes’ big arm and penchant for highlight-reel plays made him a perfect fit in Reid’s freewheeling offense. Surrounded by lightning-quick wideouts and a do-everything tight end, the 2017 first-round pick was a revelation in his first season as a starter last fall.

Mahomes’ ability to scramble out of trouble and improvise put him on a God Tier among NFL quarterbacks in just one full year behind center. He could extend plays long enough for his receiving help to find gaps, then launch pinpoint rifle shots downfield as though he were standing still. He’d fake out defenses with no-look passes. He could convert third downs with his left, non-dominant hand.

That led to a 5,097-yard, 50-touchdown campaign in 2018 and a runaway MVP award. And somehow he was more prolific through the first six weeks of 2019. He’d set career highs in passing yards per game (350.7) and yards per pass (9.1) while on pace for a career low in interception rate (just one in 230 attempts, and it was kinda due to some nonsense). On Thursday, he became the first player to pass for 7,500 yards in his first 24 games — besting Kurt Warner’s old record of 27.

But there was one big concern in the middle of that big start. An ankle injury suffered in the opening week of the season resurfaced in each of his last three games, robbing him of some of his mobility and leading to his three worst starts of the year as the Chiefs went on a 1-2 skid. He was looking to snap a two-game losing streak — and had completed 10 of his 11 passes with a touchdown — when he was forced out of game in Denver.

That turned the offense over to Matt Moore, who is absolutely not Patrick Mahomes.

What can Matt Moore do in Mahomes’ stead?

Moore has traditionally been one of the league’s better backup quarterbacks. He’s only started more than five games in a season just once in a 12-year career, but he’s got a respectable 15-15 record in those games, split between the Panthers and Dolphins.

However, his last start came in 2017 — a season where he threw more interceptions (five) than touchdowns (four). He’s also 35 years old now, so it’s fair to expect a little bit of dropoff from an aging passer who had thrown only a single pass in his last 22 games before Thursday night. Moore didn’t even expect to play football this year; he’d spent much of the offseason as a member of Miami’s coaching staff and was only signed by Kansas City in August after Chad Henne went on injured reserve.

But Moore has also never played with a receiving corps as talented as the one he’ll sling passes to in western Missouri. He’ll have the chance to work with a pair of All-Pros in wideout Tyreek Hill and tight end Travis Kelce. Rookie Mecole Hardman is averaging 18 yards per catch and hauled in a 21-yard touchdown pass from Mahomes before the QB left the game. Sammy Watkins hasn’t been able to match his Week 1 explosion (nine catches, 198 yards, three touchdowns), but should provide additional support once he’s back to full strength after missing the last two games. Byron Pringle and Demarcus Robinson are both depth options who are each capable of putting up 100+ yard games.

Moore played well in relief of Mahomes against the Broncos, albeit in more of a caretaker role. He finished 10 of 19 for 117 yards and threw this touchdown, on this nicely placed ball he dropped in to Hill:

MATT MOORE THROWS DIMES pic.twitter.com/WN23DQLMmZ

— The Checkdown (@thecheckdown) October 18, 2019

The Kansas City offense scored on two of Moore’s drives, while the defense dominated in a 30-6 win in Denver.

Going forward, the question with Moore is whether he can be the guy who outplayed Ryan Tannehill and had a 105.6 passer rating for the 2016 Dolphins, or if he’s the quarterback who threw more interceptions than touchdowns and averaged an Osweiler-ian 6.8 yards per attempt in the season after.

Who else can the Chiefs sign or promote to either back up Moore or replace him?

The current free agent quarterback market is thin, though the XFL Draft just dug up a bunch of names who’d likely jump at the chance to sling passes to Hill, Kelce, and Hardman. Former starters who aren’t signed heading into Week 7 include:

Cody Kessler

Tom Savage

Kevin Hogan

and Matt Cassel

There is another name who could give a contending Chiefs team a boost behind center. Colin Kaepernick hasn’t played a snap in the NFL since 2016, but has reportedly kept in game shape while waiting for a team willing to even give him a workout. He still wants to play football — but the question is whether Kansas City will be willing to reach out to the famously divisive former NFC champion.

For now, the club has decided to look in-house for its backup to Moore. Rookie Kyle Shurmur, an undrafted free agent out of Vanderbilt, was promoted from the practice squad before Week 8 in order to serve as the team’s understudy. The prospect had 50 touchdown passes his final two years with the Commodores, and while he underwhelmed in the preseason he’s a useful asset for an emergency role in Missouri.

What does this mean for the rest of the NFL?

The Chiefs are 5-2, but the longer Mahomes is out, the more the AFC West could be back up for grabs. That’s good news for the Chargers, Raiders, and Broncos. The Chiefs’ division rivals will have the chance to pull the defending champions of the group back to earth. Oakland, out to a surprising 3-3 start, could affirm Jon Gruden’s expansive rebuild by pushing its way to the top of the division. A Mahomes injury would likely give Los Angeles a much-needed break after the Chargers shot themselves in the foot repeatedly to start the season 2-5.

Denver, at 2-5, probably has too many flaws to overcome this year, but hey, maybe the Broncos will surprise us.

This injury, as bleak as it is for the Chiefs, could be beneficial for the NFC North. Their next two games are circled dates on the calendars of the Packers and Vikings, respectively. While this means the cruel indifference of the football gods has robbed us of the first (and possibly only) Patrick Mahomes-Aaron Rodgers shootout as well as a showcase against Minnesota’s solid defense, it also means the top of a stacked division may only get stronger.

And then there’s the rest of the AFC, which looked like a two-team race after Week 4 but now appears firmly in New England’s control. Any losses Kansas City takes under Moore’s guidance will dig a deeper hole in the battle for homefield advantage come playoff time. While a Week 14 trip to Foxborough will provide an opportunity to close that gap, the Patriots’ easy schedule and dominant defense may make Mahomes’ injury too big an obstacle to overcome in the race for the top spot in the conference.

Ultimately, the MRI showed a crisis was averted by the Chiefs. But even losing Mahomes for a couple weeks was a massive loss not only for Kansas City but also anyone who loves watching a borderline superhero throw footballs into orbit.

We’ll have more updates as they become available.

[empathmaribby]

Communicating with the dead

Would you like to talk to a loved one who has passed away, or learn more about an ancient ancestor? Perhaps you're hoping to reason with a spirit who seems to be haunting your home. People have been talking to the dead for thousands of years using a variety of different methods. Read on to learn how to communicate with unseen spirits on your own or with the help of an outside source.

Part One of Three:

Speaking Directly to the Dead

Shift your focus to sharpen your sixth sense.[1] If simply focusing on the image of your dead loved one is not enough form of connection, you could try a more structured method of shifting your focus to a higher realm.

Make yourself consciously aware of what it feels like to be yourself in the present moment. Note your location, the time, and your feelings. Otherwise, it may make it difficult to return to your sense afterward.

Gradually bring your senses into "soft focus," or a state of being in which you are less aware of the physical details around you.

Once your physical awareness goes down, focus on the energy surrounding you in the room. Do not look for it, but merely make yourself open to forces present in the room other than yourself. If you feel any presences, try asking questions. Be aware that any answers you do receive may not come as words, but as images or emotions.

Attempt to talk through the power of your mind.[2] Some paranormal experts believe that the ability to talk to the dead is not limited to professional mediums, but that the capability lies within anyone who can heighten his or her spiritual awareness. It may take time and practice before you can connect to a dead loved one, but it is possible according to this theory.

Quiet yourself and clear your mind as though you are preparing to meditate. Sit in a location that is silent and free from distraction. Close your eyes and empty your mind of anxiety and thought.

Fix an image of your deceased loved one in your mind after you have cleared your mind of any other thoughts. Choose an image that is representative of that loved one according to the relationship you had with him or her. The more significant the image is to you, the easier it will be to establish a connection.

Ask your deceased loved one a question after you have held that person's image in your mind for several seconds. Keep your mind focused on that image and wait. Do not answer how you believe that person would answer. Instead, be patient until you receive a reply that you can be certain did not come from your own mind.

Ask for a response to simple questions. This technique is not as useful for contacting dead loved ones, but it is a common practice used by paranormal investigators who are attempting to talk with spirits at a location that is haunted or potentially haunted. Go to a room in which the most paranormal activity takes place. Ask basic yes-or-no questions, and request a specific method of answering. The most common two methods of reply are knocking and flashlights.

For knocking, instruct any spirits in the room to give one knock for yes or two for no.

If using a flashlight, go with a flashlight that can be turned on easily, like one with a button on the end. Turn it on and unscrew the front section until the flashlight just barely goes off. Set it down on a flat surface and position it so that it cannot roll away on its own. Gently push on the power button and make sure that the light can flicker on and off. Instruct any spirits in the room to tap on the button once for yes or twice for no.

Part Two of Three:

Enlisting Outside Help

Work with a medium. Mediums are well versed in connecting with spirits of the dead. You can usually contact a medium by searching for one online or in a phone book. If you want to speak to a dead loved one, the medium may ask to meet at your home or may have you come to his or her place of work.

If you want a medium to speak to a spirit you believe to be in your home, the medium will need to come to your home. Not every medium will perform the latter service, but most will provide the former.

Be wary about the medium you choose to go to. Even those who are not skeptical about the practice of speaking to the dead will usually be willing to acknowledge that not every medium is legitimate. As with anything else, there are scam artists out there. Research a medium before scheduling an appointment with him or her and try to verify that he or she is the real deal. When you meet for your appointment, take note of whether or not the medium is leading you on with questions and having you provide the answers they claim to be offering.

Look into EVP and EMP technologies.[3] An EVP, or Electronic Voice Phenomena, occurs when a voice that is not audible to the naked human ear gets recorded on a digital recording. A EMP, or Electromagnetic Pulse, can only be registered using an EMP meter. To attempt either option, you should go to a room that is known to have high spiritual energy and ask questions there.

When looking for EVP, you can ask just about any question. This is the practice most commonly used when trying to find out a spirit's name or other unknown details. Ask your questions, providing a lengthy pause in between each so that any spirits there have time to answer. Replay the recording and listen carefully for any murmurs or unusual sounds that could translate into answers.

An EMP is usually limited to yes-or-no questions. The most commonly used EMP meter is a light-up device, which lights up when electromagnetic energy gets high. Ask your questions and instruct any spirits in the room that lighting up the meter once equals a yes, while lighting it up twice equals a no.

Conduct a séance. A séance is a gathering of people who communicate with the dead using their collective energy. To perform one, you will need at least three people who are open to the experience. This practice can be used to talk to dead loved ones or wandering spirits. Be warned, however, that you do run a notable risk of contacting a malicious spirit.

Set the mood by dimming the lights and lighting candles. Use three candles, or a number of candles divisible by three. You may even light incense.

Have the participants hold candles around a table to create a circle. Perform a chant to call out to the spirits.

Alternatively, you may also attempt to call the spirits using a Ouija board.

Wait for a response, repeating your chant as necessary.

Once you make a connection, calmly ask your questions.

Break the séance by breaking the circle and putting the candles out.

Part Three of Three:

Using Prayer and Other Practices

Say prayers. Not every faith has a practice you can use for praying to or for the dead, but some do. These prayers are often intercessory in nature and take two forms.

In the first, you are praying for the deceased loved one to find rest and joy in the afterlife, rather than to them specifically, but it might be with the knowledge that your dead loved one is listening or aware of your prayers.

In the second, you are praying to the deceased loved one. You are not asking for salvation from the spirit, but you are asking your loved one to intercede or pray for you from the other side. Some believe that, as a part of the spiritual realm, the spirit of someone who had strong faith in life will be able to make a more ardent plea or prayer for you to a deity from the other side.

Look into mirror gazing. Mirror gazing is a practice some use in an effort to talk to dead loved ones. It is similar to trying to connect to the spirit using your mind, but in this practice, you use a mirror to help establish the connection more clearly.

Quiet your thoughts. Go to a silent room where you can be alone and stand in front of a mirror. Close your eyes and rid yourself of anxiety, intense emotion, or unrelated thought.

Focus your thoughts on the person you want to speak with. Create an image of that person in your mind. Make the image as clear as possible until you can practically see their features.

Open your eyes slowly and look into the mirror. Imagine that the image in your mind will appear in the mirror. Even if the image is blurry or overlaps with your own, you should be able to see the image of your deceased loved one in the mirror.

Ask your questions. Do not force answers, but be open to them. Also be aware of the fact that the answers may come as emotions or images rather than words.

Communicate with the deceased through a possession. Some have found that objects owned by a deceased person are still connected to that person's spirit. Possessions can give you the power to call that person's spirit to you and make it possible to communicate. If you wish to talk with a loved one who has passed away, seek out an item of clothing, a book, or some other personal object that the person used. Take it to the place where the person lived or stayed. Hold the object and initiate a conversation.

[imaflirtybonedskeleton-blog]

Kingsroad Hack

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[soobadnoonecanstopher]

All His - Part 6 (A Kyungsoo Series)

Genre: Fluff / Smut (18+)

Characters: You X Kyungsoo

Description: You are hired as an interpreter for a tour in Europe where you join forces with EXO and soon grow closer to one member in particular, Do Kyungsoo.

A/N: Dont die just yet, we have one more chapter left of this. also ohhhhhh shit guess who finally wrote in a condom?! Wtfffff

All His [M]: Canon AU - Fluff / Smut part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8 , part 9 , part 10 , part 11 FINAL

There is something incredibly jarring about kissing someone who doesn’t kiss you back.

When you leaned into Kyungsoo, you felt him stiffen instantly. Frozen solid in the exact spot where he had dared you to do it. Told you to act on what you had wanted to do and when you did it the only thing that moved was the softness of his flesh against your mouth.

The softness of his lips was surprising. Even if you knew lips were soft and you expected it, there was something different about Do Kyungsoo’s lips. You always knew there would be. They were were pillowy and moisturized and perfection manifested into a single body part, well, a pair actually, but still, perfect. And when you kissed them, when you kissed him, the man who owned those lips you felt the significance in the action.

You were lost for a second. Completely adrift in a lonely sea with not another soul present except for yourself and this action. This…kiss.

But where was your partner? Where was the man who was supposed to tilt his head and lean into you further, wrapping his strong arms around your waist, letting you feel the warmth of his body?

Kyungsoo was frozen and you felt his inaction like a splash of water in the face.

Maybe he…didn’t want this? Your mind whirled and you felt a sick panic bubbling up inside your chest as you straightened your posture and pulled back. Taking your lips off of his and taking what was left of your fractured pride with it you quickly moved. Your mind trying desperately to come up with some defense.

What you could feel with your close proximity to the man, when you leaned in for that stolen kiss, was a cold bump in the pocket of his slacks. Metal, plastic, hard like a set of keys to this truck…that could be your excuse. So you moved fast, reaching into his pocket, careful not to touch him any more than necessary, you had already done enough of that, and you pulled them out quickly.

With the way he stood up against you at the truck you could see a small space where you could brush beside him and you took it. Your legs moved faster than you thought they could and you sprinted around the back of the large vehicle onto the other side, leaving him behind to deal with your crimes.

You had already been scolded by him once for taking liberties. When you brought him breakfast he had told you, warned you not to do these things, yet here you were again, kissing him without so much as a small lip purse in return, or even the closing of his eyes.

He had merely…tolerated it until you were done.

You pressed the button to unlock the doors and climbed up into the driver’s seat with your guilt and your shame.

But…had he really not wanted that? His signals had been all over the place. The touches, the leaning the low voice, his eyes on your lips. No. No, you had been sure of it.

But why…

You inserted the key into the ignition and started the vehicle and you felt a pull against your focus. Something as tempting as skipping ahead to the last chapter of a good book to check for a happy ending. You knew you shouldn’t, but you couldn’t help it and you turned your head just enough for your eyes to catch his reflection in the side view mirror.

And you saw him. Still frozen in nearly the exact same spot as when you had run away after picking his pocket like a coward.

After a moment, the stillness seemed to change and you saw his arm lift as he placed it on the side of the vehicle. Resting his weight and his tense shoulders relaxed finally.

He would have no idea that you could see him, would he?

You saw him slowly come back to life and his pretty profile, lips still parted in surprise began to shift. The slow swallow you caught in his throat and then his posture straightened as his hand fell from the side of the truck and moved to cover his mouth.

There was a split second before that hand clamped down over those lips that you saw it. A tiny twitch in the corner of his lips, a smile. The smallest smile that took the small speck of hope living inside your chest and inflated it like a balloon and you stared at the man with his hand over his mouth as he stood, looking like a prince in his fancy suit and bow tie.

When his hand moved it was slight and slow and his fingertips brushed lightly over his own lips, giving you a glimpse of that smile again. The balloon in your chest grew, bringing along its own little fluttering in your belly as the butterflies were stirred up.

This didn’t look like the rejection that you felt so strongly only moments before.

The smile fell, flattening out with a deep inhale that puffed his chest up high he shook his head twice quickly before he looked behind him in all directions, probably making sure what just happened had not been witnessed by anyone else before he turned in the direction of the side mirror of the car.

You moved in an instant, dropping your head down over your hands that rested on the steering wheel so your reflection would not appear anywhere in that damn mirror and he wouldn’t know that you had seen him.

That you had seen the smile after your kiss. That you had seen him collect himself and put on his stony blank expression as he got ready to face you again.

That you had seen him like it.

Because he did. You were certain of that much. There was not a single ounce of doubt in your body now.

Sure, it probably was still now allowed. It was probably still something you needed to refrain from, to keep up appearances. You were an employee. He had been right. If you valued your position, and your job you couldn’t afford to let people get the wrong idea.

But the softness of his lips were a strong memory now. One that kept replaying again and again in your mind.

You wondered how long you could keep from doing it again. And you wondered how long he could stand to keep from returning your kiss.

You heard the door of the truck open and you turned to look in his direction. You bit down on your lips, pulling both between your teeth into your mouth so you wouldn’t let any silly smiles show and he was at the back door pulling his suit jacket off quickly. He tossed it inside without looking at you. The sight of the man pulling that jacket off was too sexy and you had to stop yourself from making a ridiculous noise.

His hands were at his tie, undoing the bow he pulled it out and tossed it in a heap over the jacket and quickly closed the back door.

Was he hot? When he came up to the front and opened the door his cheeks looked a little flushed. Was this because of the weather or the kiss? You weren’t hot but you were definitely wearing a lot less than he was. Particularly beneath the expensive, yet revealing dress where you wore..nothing. A fact that you were made particularly aware of each and every time the man’s warm fingers trailed up or down your bare back as he leaned in to speak to you, or to simply walk alongside you as he lightly guided you along.

Did he maybe have this in mind when he chose this dress for you to wear? He didn’t seem to be that calculating, yet the more you considered the touches, the lingering fingers, the leaning at the truck and the way his eyes seemed to pull you into his again and again…

The door slammed shut and you turned forward, avoiding his eyes, should he decide he needed to confront you about what just happened out there.

He was pulling on his seatbelt and pulling his phone out of his front pocket with a quiet grunt as he finally pulled the thing from the confines of his pants. The naughtier part of your brain, the one that hung out in the anonymous fields of Tumblr, was hoping that the constricting of his pants had just a little bit to do with you. You knew they were inappropriate and If you could have slapped those thoughts away you would, but unfortunately you couldn’t quite explain that sort of behavior right at this moment.

He silently scrolled through his phone and you gripped the steering wheel as you waited for some sort of instruction.

You heard him clear his throat and you turned to look at him, catching his eyes for a split second before he quickly looked away, faking interest in what was happening on his screen for a while.

“Umm..about th-” you began slowly, trying to broach the topic. Didn’t things like unreturned kisses need to be discussed after all?

“Don’t worry about it.” He said suddenly, cutting you off. Putting a swift halt to whatever conversation you were trying to have about the kiss and you felt a tiny sting from his easy dismissal.

But the smile. The look on his face after the kiss as he dwelled on it, touching his own lips with that smile, that…that had to mean something…right?

“Follow the navigation. Some of the members are heading to Montserrat Monastery. I told them I would join them after the restaurant. I think it would be nice to see. It’s in the mountains, which is why I got the truck. Will you be okay driving up there?”

Mountains? Did he want you to drive this truck up a mountain today?

Your surprise must have been obvious on your face and you couldn’t help but look down at the dress you wore. Before you looked back into his usual blank expression.

“Obviously we can change when we get to the town. The peak is only accessible by cable car anyway. We will change and then we can go up and meet Junmyeon, Sehun, and Chanyeol. They’re already on their way.”

He was talking fast. Getting the words out quicker than you’d heard him speaking in the past, a direct contrast to the usual relaxed way he usually spoke to you and you simply nodded your head as you started the navigation.

The trip would be a little over an hour and you hoped some of the awkwardness would lift soon because you weren’t sure how much of this you could take.

The first 15 minutes were silent. He hadn’t even turned on the radio. He was just staring out the window in a weird tense silence that was driving you crazy.

Had it really been that bad? That…unwanted?

“I feel like I need to say something because you seem..upset. I’m sor–”

“I’m not upset.” He interrupted you again with his low curt voice that honestly sounded just like an upset person at this point. “And you don’t have to talk about it…just because you think I am.”

Your mouth dropped as you looked in his direction, directly at his side profile and those eyes that darted around taking in the surroundings of the drive while not actually seeing anything. You saw him lift his hand up to his lips and bite down absentmindedly on his thumb nail. You knew he was a nail biter, but seeing it in person, when he was agitated, felt strangely voyeuristic. While the fangirl in you loved it, the other part of you, the part that had begun to develop actual honest to god feelings for this man felt a weird urge to look away.

And so you did, leaving him to his fingernails and his stewing.

“Besides…you just did it to get the keys right?” He began in a softer, less dismissive voice that pulled at your insides with how unsure he suddenly sounded. “Y-You didn’t actually…mean it–” he cleared his throat loudly and slouched back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned away from you, looking further out the window. Gaining as much distance from you, from this, as he could while still being physically present in the car with you.

“I–” you began, feeling the rush of nerves overtake your whole head as you choked on the words that wanted desperately to tumble out of your lips. The navigation told you to turn down a somewhat deserted looking road and you blindly followed, noting how this road only had two lanes instead of the bigger four lane highway you had been driving down.

“I meant it.” You finally said, in what you hoped was a whisper too soft for him to hear. You sounded pathetic. Pouting and desperate to your own ears but you heard the small sound he made.

It was a quiet scoff. He didn’t believe you.

“Then why did you just steal the keys and run like a criminal?” He said in a contrary voice, an extension of his disbelieving scoff.

“Y-You didn’t kiss me back.” You said louder, feeling your defenses growing now that he had doubted your true intentions with the kiss.

“You didn’t give me the chance.”

He uncrossed his arms and looked once into your face and you saw the honesty in his eyes.

When you replayed the kiss, really got down to it, it did happen rather…fast. Perhaps your nerves had made you act a bit rashly and you jumped into action, taking the keys and bolting the second you felt him stiffen up. It hadn’t occurred to you that he was simply surprised by it and only needed a moment.

“O-Oh,” you said, feeling a weird mix of embarrassment and giddiness that made your cheeks warm and made it hard to look into his face right now.

“Yeah. Oh,” he said in reply and he reached forward and turned on the radio.

The roads were winding and growing more and more scenic. You could feel the change in elevation as you drove, hearing the engine working hard up some hills that were a bit on the steep side. The trees grew thicker and the houses grew further and further apart. You drove through a few small clusters of neighborhoods but the more you drove the less and less you saw of civilization and the more you saw of nature. The roads were wet in some spots, and you had to use your wipers a few times when you drove through a few rain showers.

It was beautiful and Kyungsoo had relaxed into his seat with the radio playing some pop station that had a few Spanish songs mixed with some American music. When one song that you particularly liked came on you got excited and reached for the radio to turn up the volume.

He was faster than you were and you felt his hand over the knob as he had the same idea and you giggled as you pulled your hand back fast. Before you could be accused of trying to cop a feel or something. The feel of his warm skin below your own hand send a thrill through you and you tried to play it cool although you swore your hand tingled where you had touched him. How could just touching his skin feel so magical?

You heard him take a tsk sound with his tongue and you looked back at the amused expression on his face.

“Always running away,” he said under his breath and you pulled your lips in between your teeth to keep from grinning like a damn idiot.

“I knew you only loved the illusion.” He said with a cock of his eyebrow when you turned to look at him in surprise. Your mouth fell open at his cheekiness and the denial was flying through your mouth fast. Much quicker than you could check your words at your frontal lobe for embarrassing confessions before they exited your lips ready to reveal your secrets to him.

“I do not! I’m completely in love with you, this–” you stuck a finger toward his chest dramatically as you spoke way too fast. “–this Kyungsoo! The one who is passionate about rolled Rs. The one who gets way too excited about really weird slimy textures that are super terrible and gross but when I complain he teases me about being a food baby.”

“The one who calls me over and over again when I’m totally trying to translate for Sehunie because he’s trying to buy a size Medium Messi Jersey and the sales guy keeps trying to give him a Large. This one, right here, who stalks my facebook and laughs at my stupid jokes and and and…” you were breathing too hard by the time you lost your train of thought with the wide eyed surprised look he was giving you from the passenger seat.

“Stalks?” He said quietly with a disgusted look on his face. “I wouldn’t call it… wait a minute Sehun-ie?” His eyes widened and his mouth stuck on the last syllable with an incredulous look in his face that had you nearly spitting with laughter. You slapped a hand over your mouth to stifle it before you actually did spit and you caught the tale ends of various mumbles and complaints coming from the passenger seat.

You felt the strap of your dress slip off your shoulder during your rant/love confession and you saw him glance down before he looked up into your face, with his top lip tucked in between his teeth.

You yanked it back up quickly, roughly, still feeling the effects of your passionate speech.

“And what is the deal with this dress?” You quickly added, your voice higher and more excited than you had ever been in front of him. You felt something shift inside you having finally gotten some things off of your chest and your bravery was at an all time high. “It’s really expensive isnt it? Is it a rental? Do I have to return it by midnight? You know I couldn’t even wear anything under it? Because it would show. Do you even know how that feels?”

You heard his coughing sounding out loud over the music as he choked on the air he was breathing. The coughs changed into short staccato laughter that only made you roll your eyes at the man as you waited for his excuse.

“It…It’s not a rental. You can keep it. It was a gift.” He was looking straight ahead through the windshield now and your heeled foot slipped off the gas pedal, making you groan in annoyance at your ridiculous wardrobe.

“Ahh a gift? Should I wear it to work tomorrow? Sehun and Minseok might not appreciate the distraction when I suddenly fall out of it. Or maybe they would.” You were mumbling now. Your voice low and most of your words spoken under your breath. Maybe the music would hide your exasperation some.

You heard a groan mixed with a loud exhale from him and you smiled to yourself. Strangely satisfied with his reaction.

“I gave it to you because it looks really pretty on you. But you can’t wear it again. Except with me okay? Promise me. Come on, promise.” His hand was out, thrusted against your chin with his pinky extended, waiting for you to do the thing. The stupid pinky thing that told him you would wear this dress only for him, exclusively for him and under his complete supervision.

You looked at his hand and laughed a single laugh that had his eyebrows up and a whiney sound coming from his throat. He shook his hand in front of you.

When you didn’t move he grabbed your hand for you from the steering wheel and wrapped your pink finger around his own as he completed the gesture with your thumb touching his own.

“There. You promised. It’s only for me.” The childlike look on his face and sound of his voice would have made you squeal in delight at any other time if not for the incredible frustration you felt in your chest.

“You know what?” You suddenly said, a thought coursing strong through your head. You had had enough. Of the dress, of the shoes of the mixed fucking signals this man had been shooting at you for five days now.

“I can’t drive like this.” The determination in your own voice made his eyes widen and he turned his torso to face you in surprise.

“Like what? What are you doing? Y-You can’t just…you’re not wearing anything under it, you can’t.”

Did he think you were about to give him a strip show? Here in the truck?

“Settle down Kyungsoo, I’m just going to change my shoes.”

You slowed the big truck and steered it smoothly off the road, splashing in muddy puddles all along the way until it came to a sloshy stop in a small clearing at the tree line of some thick woods. The steady pitter patter of rain on the roof told you it was raining harder now and had been for a while by the looks of the puddles.

When you finally looked around, making sure you wouldn’t get hit by any cars if you stepped out you, noticed just how deserted the place was. There weren’t any other cars on the road at all, nor were there any houses or even stores. From looks of it you were the only car on this entire road for miles.

You thought that a little odd considering the fact that Montserrat was a pretty popular tourist spot that was sure to be busy this time of year. Was it the rain that kept people away?

“Wait a minute, why is this road so empty? There aren’t any other cars at all.” You were half talking to yourself, half grabbing his phone to check the navigation for the route you were on. He watched you for a moment, his breathing having returned to normal from the mini-panic he had when he thought you were stripping and you saw him looking around at the scenery around him. You looked around and saw the beauty of the trees and small hills in the distance or even the small lake you had passed along the way and while yes, it was incredibly beautiful you had a hard time appreciating it with the weird sinking feeling you felt in your belly.

Something was off, where was everybody? The route on the navigation, while strangely winding, seemed to be right and led to Montserrat as he had promised.

“Oh, we are on the scenic route. I have this app that finds the most scenic route with the least traffic and look…” He held out a hand like a game show hostess, indicating the thick trees outside his window.

“…it’s scenic”, he said with a single eyebrow lift and a bright smile and you couldn’t stop the burst of laughter from your lips. You shook your head and opened your door, unfastening your seatbelt as you moved.

One look down told you it was way too muddy to get out in these shoes and this dress and you quickly closed the door before the rain could drip on the fabric of the dress.

“Looks like I’m going over the seat.” You said with a shrug and you lifted yourself onto your seat ready to go for it.

“No, stop. I’ll get your bag. Wait here.”

You huffed back down into your seat and he was moving through the space into the backseat.

“Do you want the whole bag?” You heard from the backseat and you looked into the rear view mirror catching his eyes in the reflection. His hair had fluffed a little from the climb and his lips were parted as he breathed through his mouth. His cheeks were pink and he looked beautiful. The breathtaking kind of beautiful that always made you lose your words for a moment.

“No, just get my shoes. They’re inside.” From your vantage point you could see him look down as he unzipped the bag in his lap and he looked up quickly with eyelids pulled wide.

You knew why of course. Your panties and bra sat on top of your bag.

“Kyungsoo, if I’m not wearing them, of course I had to bring them along. Just…dig.” You watched him moving garments from the bag very carefully as he placed them, still folded into the seat beside him. When he reached your shoes you felt them nudge against your shoulder and you grabbed them silently, making the switch quickly down below the steering wheel, you handed the heels to him behind you.

“I put everything back exactly where it was.” He said quietly behind your ear, too close sounding and you smiled at his attention to detail. You heard the zipper sound out and he was bouncing back up front in his own seat, grabbing at the seatbelt as he buckled himself back in.

You did the same and a switch of gears sent you moving forward…a few inches. There was a swimming fish tale feeling in the back of the truck as you pressed on the gas.

“Uhh…” you said quietly, checking that you had indeed put the truck into drive instead of neutral. It definitely was in the right space and you could feel the engine moving, only the wheels didn’t seem to be responding the right way. They just spun and wiggled around, making no forward progress whatsoever.

“Wait a minute, are we stuck?” He said, his voice full of alarm.

“I think so.” You winced and let your foot up off the gas before you dug the truck in any deeper into the mud.

He opened his door quickly, still buckled in and leaned far out of the truck, looking down at the back tires.

“Shit.” He swore. The sound was surprising coming from him and you pouted with a sad frown when he looked back at you. “It’s really really stuck,” he said and matched your pout.

“Uhh…” he was moving now, with his hands up at his collar you watched as he began unbuttoning his dress shirt and you felt a bit flushed watching as he moved lower and lower. “Okay put it in first gear and I’ll get out and push. When I tell you ‘go’, press on the gas, but lightly okay?”

He sat forward and pulled the dress shirt off of his shoulders and you watched transfixed as he tossed it into the back seat. He was up and climbing again, going back in his plain white undershirt for his bag. You saw that he had already kicked his dress shoes off and left them behind in the floor of the passenger seat.

“Uhh..c-close your eyes or something maybe.” He sounded out a quiet warning and you heard the telltale sounds of a belt buckle and zipper sliding down behind your seat.

Do Kyungsoo was stripping in the back seat. He was taking off his clothes behind you, mere inches away from you and felt like you had been thrust head first into the ultimate fan challenge of a lifetime. You had to keep your focus ahead. You couldn’t even look into the rear view mirror because what if you caught some skin, or a nipple, even though you saw the Fiji pictures, you had seen them. In black and white yes, but still….the chance to see him in person, no. No you must be strong. Stronger than you had ever been in your entire life.

What if you could finally find out if he wore boxers or briefs, or the ever popular boxer briefs? Would this be your only chance in the world to finally know?

“Wow. You’re better behaved than I would have been. I would have totally looked.” You heard and felt a sexy low whisper against your ear that made you actually close your eyes and sigh out loud and you turned your face in the direction of the sound.

His face was close to your ear and from your peripherals you could see that he wore the same white undershirt and a pair of familiar looking, somewhat ugly khakis. The ones with the big pockets that you swore he was testing your love with when you saw the airport pictures.

He had on a pair of worn out nikes on his feet and he shot a bright smile at you as he disappeared out the side door. You lowered your window so you could hear him give you the go and kept your foot on the brake as you put the shifter into the lowest gear.

A few moments passed before you heard him say the word and you lightly pressed on the gas, making the wheels spin in the mud. You felt a small nudge against the back of the truck and it rocked a bit.

“More gas.” He yelled from behind the truck and you pressed harder. The spinning was more intense and you didn’t feel the truck move in the same as as you had before. The spinning continued and you heard what sounded like a loud surprised yelp in his voice.

“Stop! Stop!” He shouted and you cut the gas off instantly and put the truck back in park. You opened your door to find him and saw motion in your mirror behind the truck. Slowly you saw him pulling himself up off the ground and hobble around the back of the truck, making his way toward you.

Only it didn’t look like Kyungsoo, it appeared to be a man made nearly entirely out of mud. Covered from head to toe in thick black mud and walking slowly toward you with his arms outstretched slowly and the mud monster looked to be trembling in laughter, loud laughter sounded out from his lips and you saw his white teeth appear through the mud. He held his stomach and laughed as he walked toward you and you opened the door further letting your feet hang down as you looked at the state of him.

“My Khakis!” He wailed and laughed at the same time and you looked down to see the pants hanging limply from his waist, soaked and weighed down with mud.

You felt the contagiousness of his laughter hit you and you reached your hands out in his direction and he simply shook his head and pulled away.

“You can’t,” he said through desperate sounding giggles, “…that fucking dress is so expensive. Get back inside and call a tow truck.”

You moved slowly, reluctantly with your eyes still on the man who struggled to wipe the mud off his hand and you closed the door behind you again, securing yourself back inside the vehicle.

The rain fell harder outside and you could see bits of his skin being uncovered the longer he stood in the rain. The shirt and pants were still completely covered but at least he was beginning to look like Kyungsoo again. You began searching your surroundings for something, a blanket or a towel. Something he could use to wipe his face and hair with.

You remembered the towel you had packed and you quickly jumped into the backseat as you fished through your bag, tossing aside the matching lace bra and panties he had been so surprised to see greeting him when he had opened your bag earlier and you found the rolled up towel at the bottom of your bag. You reached for the bottle of water you had stashed there as well and you crawled over the back seat, hiking the skirt of the dress up high around your thighs so you could move easier you sat in the back trunk space of the SUV and opened the back doors. He had seen your movement and peeked around the back, looking a little more human now than before with the steady rain that was falling.

“Here, use this water for your head and hair and get inside here before you get sick.”

He grabbed the bottle and did as you told him, shaking and shivering as he poured the cool water over his head and washed the mud from his face. With his hair all wet and dripping, but cleaner now you couldn’t help but admire his face. How was it possible for a face to be so beautiful?

He seemed to be trembling harder now and you reached your hands out urging him to come. Practically begging him to climb inside the cargo space of the SUV with you. Out of the rain that was still falling steadily so he could get dry and warm up.

“But the carpet,” he chattered as he stepped up to the edge and looked down with worried eyes as he wrapped his arms tightly around his chest. You knew he was getting too cold now.

“It can be cleaned Soo. Please come inside before you catch a cold.” The nickname was an accident and you saw the quick glance up into your eyes he shot you before he nodded and climbed up into through the doors and closed them behind himself.

Once inside you knew he had to get rid of the wet clothes if he was going to warm up so you reached for him, running your hands down to the bottom of the wet t shirt. His teeth chattered and his big eyes watched you in silence as you tugged and urged him to let you take it off.

“A-Are you t-trying to get me n-naked?” He said in a shivering deadpan and you smiled down at him as you tugged against his stubborn arms that tried to keep the shirt on.

“That is literally what I’m trying to do. Lift up your arms. You need to take these off.”

His arms finally lifted and you pulled the shirt up and off over his head and tossed it into the corner. It landed in a dirty wet heap and your hands were back at his waistband, trying your hardest to ignore the expanse of beautiful skin you saw in front of you. Light traces of his muscles, a soft trail of dark hair that lead down from his navel to here, where your hands sat trying to work the button of these ugly pants.

“I think these might just be ruined.” You frowned dramatically and you heard a hum from him. You’d gotten the button open and your fingers pulled down the wet zipper slowly when you felt his hand land over yours, pulling your own hands away quickly.

“I-I have a blanket in my bag. Can you get it?” You got the message quickly. Let the man take off his own ugly khakis and quit messing around near his crotch like that.

You leaned over the seat and reached for his bag, glancing over your shoulder at the slow movements behind you. He pushed the pants down, peeling their wetness away from his legs and below you saw light blue boxers. Normal, guy underwear that didn’t have a fancy designer label or anything. When your eyes trailed back up into his face you saw that his focus was elsewhere.

He was watching you, rather the show in front of him as you leaned over the seat in the revealing dress to dig for the blanket he said was inside his bag. You felt something soft and warm and you pulled finding a fleece blanket like the kind you would find in a fancy ass first class airplane seat and you pulled, feeling a bit of cool air against your skin as your dress slipped off your shoulder. You pulled it back up but you were quite sure you felt the air along your side and on your bare breast.

Had you just flashed him? Did he get the side boob? When you faced him again he was curled up into himself. Cold looking and uncomfortable but his eyes watched you through half closed eyelids. His hands were fisted in each other up at his lips and you saw the way he lightly touched against his mouth with a distracted look in those eyes.

You moved back down from the seat and knelt in front of him as you unwrapped the blanket and his eyes followed your face as you moved. Quiet and watching with that look in his gaze. The same look you seemed to be growing addicted to, the look from the airplane seat and from the stolen kiss in the parking garage.

The blanket was open and quickly placed around his shoulders and you pulled it tightly around his shoulders, rubbing lightly along his arms to try and make him feel warmer. He was still shaking but he made no move to pull the blanket tighter himself, he merely sat there in a daze as you worked around him.

“Will you come in with me?” You heard the quiet whisper from his lips and you felt the tingling current travel down the length of your spine with his request. You bit down on the inside of your lip as you considered your options.

You should. He would warm up faster if you did, but you couldn’t really do it in the dress. It was long and clingy and hard to move around in but if you took it off well…

“Do you want me to?” You finally asked in a soft voice that matched his own and you saw him close his eyes as his tongue darted out to lick his lips.

“Yes,” he said and his eyes were back. Casting their spell, making your thinking fuzzy and making your hands move on their own.

You moved your fingertips to your shoulder and pulled down one of the dress straps. It was such a flimsy fit that it fell quickly and you moved to the other side and did the same. Your hand held the dress in place over your chest and when you looked back at him he was silent. Completely still save for his steady breathing and those eyes watched you through half closed lids. He moved and relaxed his head against the side of the vehicle and his gaze never left you.

There wasn’t a sound at all when you dropped your hand and let the dress fall and you quickly pushed it off of your bare legs, tossing it away from The mess from his wet clothing. You felt the coolness of the air and he was moving, opening his arms with the blanket you felt the warmth of his arms and legs and he laid down next to your nakedness and covered you with both himself and the warm fleece.

The warmth was consuming and instantaneous and the feeling of his bare skin on yours was making your brain fuzzy. The blood rushing through your veins flushed your skin, making you feel very warm against the coolness of his skin. He moved languidly against you, using your warmth to warm himself gradually you felt more and more bits of his flesh reach yours until you felt all of him against you, pulling from your body heat. You could smell him, despite the muddy shower, despite the cold rain he still smelled like Kyungsoo and you wondered if it was just him that smelled so addicting. While his legs and his arms touched you, wrapped around your frame securely his hands were behaving. Not that it mattered much, you felt so affected by this you were having trouble keeping your breathing slow and steady.

“I like you,” he said quietly as he propped his chin on his hand beside you, “Like..a lot-a lot.”

“You do?” You couldn’t help the surprise in your voice at his small confession and he nodded his head as he bit down on his lip. You could feel his breath against your face and you tried to keep your eyes from drifting down to his lips so much but they really were distracting.

“I like you too,” you said with a tiny smile and you shifted your legs to tangle into his own, trying to warm his skin more. He still felt too cold.

“I thought you were completely in love with me,” he said in a playful voice that mimicked your passionate confession earlier and you laughed.

His face was serious though and you felt your smile fade quickly the more he looked at you.

“You know my bed smelled like you this morning–”

He was whispering now. A soft voice coming from those soft lips and his eyes closed slowly as he exhaled against you, you felt him move again and his hand moved, coming out from behind your shoulder you felt soft fingertips trailing along your face as his eyes watched his hand move.

“After you ran away, I woke up and when I laid down on my bed…all I could smell was you.” You had to close your eyes. The words he whispered were too powerful for you to stand. You felt goosebumps over your skin, despite the blanket and the warmth of his body that didn’t feel cold at all anymore.

“Why do you smell so good?” He leaned in closer and you felt the brush of his lips against your neck as he inhaled against your skin. “You’re driving me crazy.”

“I’m doing all these things…things I don’t do. I’ve watched you online for a month…acting cute, being funny, being ridiculous, being you. And I thought it was harmless, but I was just so interested in you. I couldn’t stop it.”

“And then I get here and It’s….It’s really you. You stumbled in late, half asleep, half confused a little embarrassed–” He laughed quietly with his eyes closed, “and I felt…I felt all these urges that I want to give in to. To protect you, to keep you, to touch you…” His fingertips that were running along your cheek lightly moved and you felt his thumb run along your lips as his eyes opened. He was looking at your mouth and you saw the twitch in his lips and a light bounce of his eyebrow before he looked into your eyes.

“To kiss you–”

He closed the small distance between your faces and you felt the softness of his lips cover your own. It was your turn to be stunned and you felt his hand move to your cheek, then behind your neck as he pulled you higher into his kiss.

His lips parted and you felt the need building, consuming, threatening to take ahold of both of you and throw every single rule known prior out the window. The softness of his tongue, warm and wet along your lip begged for entrance and you let him inside. HIs tongue joined your own inside your mouth before he pulled back, sucking against your bottom lip and biting down lightly with his teeth. You exhaled the breath you held into the space between your mouths as he pulled out and you heard him inhale a deep breath. Taking your air deep into his lungs with a low moan in the back of his throat.

You felt a shift. He was rolling you over onto your back and you felt his knee push your legs apart high at the thigh and he settled in between, a single layer of fabric between you and him, but you felt him, hard and hot between your legs. He pushed lightly once, thrusting against you and you gave in to the need with your eyes closed and your lips parted.

You lifted your hips, wanting to feel that heat again, needing the friction and the contact and you felt his mouth on your again, hungry and wanting, sloppier than before, his lips and his tongue frantic for yours. Hips rolling once more into you and when he pulled away from your mouth he gasped.

“Is this okay?” He said in a low whisper against your neck, close to your ear and you felt his mouth trailing kisses along your neck, moving lower over your skin as you slowly lost your sanity. You registered the question and quickly nodded your head with your breath leaving your lungs in short waves.

“Yes?” He breathed against your face, “Can I have you?”

When you opened your eyes he was so close to you, looking into your eyes as he waited for you to respond.

“Yes, Kyungsoo,” you said and you felt his hands moving over your skin. Much lower now, he was running his hands over your breasts, kneading against their softness you felt his fingers pinch lightly against your nipple before his mouth was on you. His lips parted and you felt a suction, light at first. Growing needier before he bit down with his teeth and you arched your back and cried out quietly.

As his mouth worked, his hands were moving again, the warm fleece blanket lost somewhere in his movements you felt the cool air against your skin when he sat up on his ankles and looked down at you below him. You looked down to catch where his eyes were looking and you saw the mark he had made with his mouth on your breast. The look in his eyes was dark and his thumb ran a trail over the red mark.

His hands gripped your flesh and moved lower, sliding down your stomach to grip your inner thighs and his eyes flashed up to your own.

“Can I taste you?” You felt his finger slip up high on your thigh, near your center and and you blinked your response to him with a light nod of your head. His questions were driving you crazy, making you acknowledge everything he was doing before he did it, how much did you need to admit to wanting from him?

He dropped and disappeared from your line of vision and his mouth was marking you again. You felt the pull from his lips and the sting of his teeth as he bit you over and over, high up on your thighs, on both sides before he moved closer between your legs.

You felt strong hands gripping tightly below your ass as he pulled your legs apart and the first dip of his tongue between you made you whine in anticipation.

The appreciative hum that left his chest vibrated against you as his tongue made another pass and he moved in closer, closing his lips around your mound, his tongue dipped between, running along your sensitive nub.

The wetness of his tongue mingled with your own wetness and when he pulled you into his mouth, teasing with the tip of his tongue along your nub you felt the urge to push into him. The feeling was too strong as he moved over and over again. Sucking and flicking with his tongue again and again, driving you insane as the feeling built. You reached for him, running hands through his short hair, finding little to grab ahold as you whined and bucked up into his mouth.

You felt the wave threatening and his mouth was relentless as your breathing increased and the sounds from your lips changed you felt his fingers push inside you, curling upward as his mouth consumed and when the climax washed over you, making your legs tighten and you cried out, he pulled you through it.

Your trembling subsided but the traveling of his mouth continued. He was moving higher with his kisses, with his bites, with his marks and you knew the traces of him would be found all over your skin. Your eyes were closed and your mind was dizzy and cloudy with the after effects.

He was back, high up, closing the distance again and when his lips reached your mouth you tasted yourself on his tongue.

“Can I fuck you?” He whispered into your ear as if he even had to ask at this point and you let out a short laugh with a nod of your head. He was moving and he was gone for a second. Quick as he could you guessed, he scrambled over the back seat for his bag and returned with a small foil packet that he quickly ripped open with his teeth. His boxers were off and you caught the sight of him, hard and dark, his dick sprung up against his belly as he made his way back to you, quickly rolling the condom down his length you felt him return to his spot between your parted thighs. His attention was down between your legs, with his dick in one hand you felt his hand other hand running up and down your thigh as he rubbed his head along your folds, lining up, his hips pushed and you felt him enter you. Slowly at first, a little at a time and his face screwed together, eyebrows furrowed as he threw his head back. His pretty lips were parted, wetness from you and from your kiss still lingered on those lips and and you felt the stretch as he pushed inside further. One more push and he was inside you completely and the sting of the stretch faded as he held still, his eyes down on yours as he was inside of you completely.

This look. A magnified version of the smoldering eyes he had been shooting you for days, this look…as he fucked you… was all consuming and so significant you would surely remember this look for the rest of your life.

Those eyes stayed on yours when he pulled out again, pushing in faster and in one complete motion. You whined with the sensation as his hips rolled into you. Pausing briefly between each thrust until the pauses vanished and you could see the sheen of sweat over his skin, he dropped down to claim your lips again and your hands were on him, pulling him into you, roaming down his firm back to his waist, down to his ass where you squeezed down hard as he pushed inside of you, feeling the muscles of his ass flex with the thrusts. The pace he kept stuttered and paused and you felt the tensing in his back, the slight trembling in his body told you he was close and you felt the familiar building inside your abdomen with the steady thrusts against you, inside of you.

His hand was down between your bodies again, thumbing your clit steadily as he pushed inside more shallow now, urging you to cum again, with him. You gave in to the wave that you teetered on the edge of for a while now and the tightening around him as you squeezed made him screw his eyes tight, pushing inside with a grunt you felt the spasms of him inside you as he came in bursts.

Your legs were trembling when he pulled out and fell down next to you with a huff, grabbing the blanket quickly to toss over your bodies as he dropped down to you.

He shifted below the blanket, and you saw the condom in his hands as he quickly tied a knot and tossed it away with his dirty clothes in the corner.

When he returned his mouth was on you again, peppered with heavy breathing his lips moved languidly, teasing his tongue against your own lightly and slowly as you both came down from the high of sex.

You wrapped your arms around him, high on his shoulder and you felt his head rest against your chest when you did it. He stayed there, listening to your breathing and your heartbeat as it returned to a normal pace and his did the same.

“I can’t believe you brought a condom today.” You broke the silence with a laugh.

He hummed and you felt his arms constrict around you as a short bit of laughter sounded from his chest. “I’ve had it since the first day I met you. Baekhyun has this big box of them that he told us to use them if we needed. I…saw you and I went to get it from his room.” The honesty in his confession surprised you and you closed your eyes, swimming in the comfort of this.

“Did you ever call that tow truck?” He said after what felt like ages and you opened your eyes to look up into the ceiling of the truck.

“Umm…no I forgot. I was a little distracted.” You giggled into the space over his head and he bounced with your laughing.

“We should call them. Of course, I would like to stay in here with you forever… but If I don’t show up today, it would be a fucking nightmare to deal with.” He lifted his head to look at your face as he spoke and you lifted your eyebrows at the casual words he used, the comfortable feeling of his speech with you, of course he would be comfortable after what just happened..

“You have cursed three times today Kyungsoo, are you feeling okay?” You smiled as you sat up, wrapping the blanket around your chest and you heard him laughing as he reached for his boxers and pulled them on.

“I think your potty mouth must be rubbing off on me, Love.”

The term of endearment put a stop to your giggles and you looked into his face. He still seemed to be under the spell as he watched you and you lifted an eyebrow in question.

“Love?” You whispered and you saw his lips pull into a smile as he leaned in, capturing your lips in his once more.

“Mmm…Love.” He said against your mouth and you felt as if the breath you had just gained in your lungs had left you entirely.

All His [M]: Canon AU - Fluff / Smut part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8 , part 9 , part 10 , part 11 FINAL