#but if u read it all. kisses and then i am very interested in input

[bismuthburnsblue]

ok so!!! i revisited my work from yesterday, going in and properly blocking out the style lines and strap (still up for change as i get into better fabrics but this is a lot more representative of what they would actually look like now!) (though i am noticing ive set my hemline lower- even extending it on nora, when anne's is quite high, so ill have to see how comfortable i feel with that)

i also took a bit out of the hips on the ally pattern which definitely helped with the shape (i was really just being lazy not doing this, ive used this pattern before and had to do that, i knew it was gonna be an issue)

Theres more notes on my personal thoughts on both patterns below the cut :)

same cw's as before for body image stuff :) (maybe this is silly but i just feel far more comfortable putting warnings + a readmore for corsetry)

(also! i will be doing a post properly introducing this project soon :) ive got a lot i want to say!!)

First up! both of these patterns are by Aranea Black, pdfs of these patterns are still available online but her website is gone now)

Ally is a 6 panel corset with extreme hip spring- heres what the pattern looks like:

i do think the hip spring gives a really dramatic shape, but i do worry that with my upholstery weight faux leather, it just wont sit nicely. on this mock up i had to slit my entire seam allowance at the waist to make it not tuck too badly, and that means cutting my boning channel in half (i think, still deciding details like that) i cant really afford to waste fabric recutting panels if i sew it and it does tuck, either.

(Technically i do have the option available to me to do a twin stitch like Anne's original corset actually has, but this wouldnt be traditional, and wasnt in my plan (even if i wasnt gonna have the bones in the leather layer, i like the /look/ of felled channels on the outside.) a twin stitch however would probably negate most the tucking on the waist point, as it opens it up rather than folding to one side.)

Secondly, the one gripe i have about this pattern is that big line of wrinkles below the waist- now some of this will be from the fabric and it not being worn in, but the "daily wear" version of this corset ive made before still has some of these wrinkles even now, especially over the first hip spring panel. i know theres ways to adjust the fitting to counter the ones over the hip, but those i think are largely from the way the fabrics pulling around the curve- its covers such a large area its bound to pull a little weird in places. I really want a smooth look, a clean finish is the most important thing to me, and i worry no matter what i do they will still be there.

I will say, Ally has a lacing gap designed into the pattern, which is something i want, as Anne's corset has one, and it automatically gives you more leeway in the fit that patterns without it just dont have.

Nora on the other hand is 8 panels, with the hip spring spread across a much further space. On paper it looks much less dramatic, but theoretically should still hold a significant amount of shape, just distributed over more panels.

I guess that would be my first area of concern, that the shape just isnt quite as dramatic as the shape on Ally. i really want something quite striking for this project and though pattern modifications can be made, i was hoping to not have to do too much past simples changes.

The 8 panels also means this pattern will likely eat up more fabric. if nothing else, theres 4 extra sides of seam allowance that the other does not have (though, these pieces will nest together better, so it could end up being negligible) it is a concern however, as im working on a very tight yardage.

One of the immediate positives of this pattern however is the lack of that wrinkle band like Ally has. Since this is worn as an outer layer thats a huge point in its favour, a nice clean finish is basically the top of my requirements list.

Nora also has no lacing gap, which is an issue for the reasons mentioned above (annes costume has a lacing gap, but also lacing gaps give more leeway in the fit, allowing you to be a little tighter on some days than others.) Its possible to draft in a lacing gap relatively easily, but it is something i have to consider.

Its completely arbitrary, but i also feel like the way the strap joined onto this pattern was nicer- it lined up better with the pre existing panels and i think it'd join on as a continuous piece better. again, its extremely minor, i just think its cleaner with less fiddling on my end.

I think im still thinking the same way i was yesterday, that Nora is probably the pattern thats working better for me for this, but its still very up in the air for me. i feel like theres more pattern modifications to do there, but that its probably going to be worth doing the work? but i am definitely interested in what anyone else might think!

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[phcking-detective]

💘

💘 reunion kiss

***

Nines truly did not mean to spy on his boyfriend. It is simply a matter of coincidence.

1) He always orders any coffee or food from an online app that allows him to pick it up when the order is ready, without speaking to a cashier.

2) He always lingers outside of the establishment in order to minimize the chances of anyone inside speaking to him.

3) He always prioritizes Gavin’s voice, physical form, and heart rate above all other sources of input.

These three facts coincide to form a situation in which he is aware of Detective Gavin Reed waiting in line at the coffee shop inside, while Nines himself stands outside where the human cannot see him. And as an android, of course, he can hear the conversations inside the coffee shop as easily as if they were right next to him.

But he is not spying.

He is possibly [eavesdropping], but there is no way to remedy the situation without entering the coffee shop, possibly inviting conversation from [strangers], and also ruining the surprise.

So Nines remains outside and listens to Gavin place his order. His usual caramel frappe, double shot of espresso, extra caramel to compensate, with whipped cream. All is as it should be.

Except then his boyfriend also orders the newly-added thirium-based coffee drink. It seems Tina must have snitched to him that Nines wrapped up his case early. That is the problem with confiding in humans. They get drunk or sleepy or excited and reveal [secrets].

The cashier tells Gavin how much the order will be, and he pauses in the act of opening his wallet. He sighs deeply, then mutters for her to take off the caramel frappe.

Multiple error notifications scroll across Nines’s HUD. He deletes them only by reminding himself that he has already pre-purchased a caramel frappe, double shot of espresso, extra caramel to compensate, with whipped cream, and an additional drink would be redundant.

But still. If he had not already deviated, observing his boyfriend sacrifice his own coffee to get him one would likely have [yeeted] him into it directly.

u @ station?

tina told me ur back bitch

have surprise

Nines observes Gavin text him, then stare at his own phone while waiting for a reply. He texts back, and his human smiles before he can even have possibly read the reply.

I am omw to your location. I will join you inside shortly.

Gavin’s order gets called first, and he is too distracted by retrieving the coffee to note the coinciding call for Mr. Bunting. Nines will explain the [joke] of his cover identity for the now-completed case at a later time. For now, he enters the shop in time to watch Gavin notice the other coffee also sitting on the counter, unclaimed. It is an interesting experiment in self-control as his boyfriend stands frozen, clearly debating if he’s enough of an asshole to steal someone else’s caramel frappe.

Except then he reads the additional notes on the receipt stuck to the side, his head snaps up to scan the shop, and he spots Nines immediately.

He is a very good detective, even quicker on the uptake when it is not 7:14 am.

Nines claims the caramel frappe from the counter, then immediately holds it out for Gavin, who still clutches the thirium-coffee.

“You asshole,” Gavin says.

“Decaying meatsack,” Nines replies.

They swap drinks and leave the coffee shop. They even make it as far as Gavin’s truck in the parking lot before Gavin shoves his own coffee into Nines’s free hand, then crowds him up against the side of the truck.

“You asshole, you phcking asshole.”

He steps up on the rail beneath the passenger door in order to bring himself (nearly) to Nines’s height, hands stabilizing himself on the android’s shoulders for balance.

Then they are kissing.

Nines [likes] kissing, even if he does not yet feel confident reciprocating. Even as a deviant, the oldest, most ingrained thought patterns take precedence, and it is difficult to convince his system that his mouth may be used for kissing rather than [biting] or [verbal reports].

Gavin very much likes kissing him. He gives him short, quick kisses in between mumbling “miss you, missed you, so phcking much” and “baby, baby, my pretty baby.”

He gives him slow kisses and sucks on his bottom lip, kissing that drop down to his jaw and his neck. Rough kisses and bites against the skin there.

Nines holds their coffees, stands still, and vibrates like a jet engine. He [likes] being kissed.

“Can we be twenty minutes later?” Gavin asks, nipping at his earlobe.

“No,” Nines answers.

Gavin whines once, kissing that spot right along his jaw line. Nines preconstructs an alternative plan.

“I will order you a sub sandwich for lunch.”

“M’I supposed to fuck a footlong, huh?”

“It takes you seventeen minutes on average to consume a spicy Italian sub,” Nines says, doing his best to concentrate while Gavin does his own best to ruin that by sucking hickeys into his neck.

“So, how many minutes leftover on my lunch break for us to fuck?” he asks.

“Forty-three.”

He feels the human grin against his skin.

“Welcome home, babe.”

***

(a bunting is a type of reed bird. Nines taking Gavin’s last name like that airplane girl snatching gif: THAnk you.)

[theincompetentgenius]

Matchup

hiyaaa!! could i pls get a written matchup for ikesen, ikerev, & mlqc? 💞 bi but i prefer guys! i have an older twin sis~ 5'4 young girl~ medium-length straight-ish black hair & dark brown eyes. ambiverted INTP! hufflepuff/ravenclaw. fun-loving & friendly scorpio. if not given attention, i feel unwanted/sad. quiet w/ people im not close w/. easily annoyed but guilty after 'cause im soft-hearted. playful/serious, childish/mature, competative/laidback, funny/shy, talkative/good listener, loud/soft, kind/quiet, emotional/solemn, sweet/smart, bright/deep, poetic/intellectual, daydreamer/studious, annoying/lovable. hopeless romantic! sorta socially anxious, i have a fear of judgement. my personality is like half fun/happy and half deep/quiet- very awkward. i want to be the best! im not innocent but ppl think i am at first. its easy to make me smile & laugh but i also get jealous often. i have trouble asking for help even if i help others a lot! im the type to do fun stuff and loosen up, but im also the type to just cuddle and have long conversations about life and the world. emotionally mature but a bit emotionally unstable (mental health problems-) i look fine on the outside but on the inside its a MESS. im actually a complex person, and i rlly think a lot to myself. i feel rlly scared tho if im not completely sure if im correct abt smth, n i get rlly anxious when ppl r looking at me blankly w/ smiling- likes: diff kinds of jokes, testing myself, affection, animals, doing exhilirating things, music, movies, books, games, family, friends, astrology, astronomy, learning new things, & mythology. dislikes: too much heat, school presentations, creepy dolls, being under pressure, dirty things. i love weapons (esp swords n guns, i like magic too tho)!! i think they're super cool- omg im super srry cause i think this is too much- tysm anyway!! feel free to take your time (health comes first!) n have a great year! 💞

Aww, thank u so much! This was submitted to me quite a while back and I’m really sorry for the major delay. However, I’ve finally gotten to this. Hope you still enjoy it :)

Ikemen Sengoku

I’d pair you with.................. Hideyoshi Toyotomi!

Honestly, I was having difficult picking just one person since you have such a complex personality (don’t worry, this is a good thing). For a while, I was leaning towards Mitsuhide at first because your personality would’ve made the perfect MC for his route. You’re sweet enough to get him to open up, but not a complete ditz. He’d love to learn all the different sides of your personality, falling for every single piece. After all, there’s no puzzle that he can’t solve.

However, I’m gonna go with Hideyoshi on this one. His simple attitude would best compliment all your different traits, creating the perfect balance. Whenever he’s being hard-headed, your multi-dimensional personality will provide him with another side that he hadn’t considered.

Don’t want to ask for help? Not a problem because Hideyoshi is going to help you anyways (whether you want or not). He’ll be at your side all day, making sure that even the smallest of tasks have dealt with. Once your work is done, he’ll linger around for a little bit, waiting for that last good-bye kiss. 

You manage to pull him out of his comfort zone, going on small adventures together! He’s not the biggest fan of them, but he always tags along to make sure you’re alright. His favorite adventures are when you two go into the forests, observing all the different animals. There’s nothing like seeing the sweet smile on your face to brighten up his day.

The day always ends with the two of you heading back to his room, laying on his bed, and looking at all the cool stuff that you found. He’ll have his arms wrapped around your waist, resting his chin on top of your head, listening to you rave about the adventure. But when you remind him that there’s no place that you’d rather be than in his arms, Hideyoshi can’t help but turn into a puddle. It’s just a night of cuddles and endless affection.

Hideyoshi is also the best person to go to when you’re feeling like a complete mess. Even if he’s busy, he’ll always put time aside to comfort you. If you’re feeling scared or unsure, the warlord will stroke your hair and remind you about all the times that you’ve been right (and all the things you’ve accomplished because of that). Even if things go awry, he’ll always be there to hold your hand for comfort’s sake. After all, you’ve guided him through his messes, so now it’s his turn to repay the favor.

Another Possibility: Mitsuhide Akechi

Ikemen Revolution

I’d pair you with............... Ray Blackwell!

So there’s not a lot of leeway here since your description really just screamed “RAY” to me. However, I feel like I could throw you at Blanc! He’d do his best to make you feel welcome in the Cradle and slowly crack through your quiet demeanor. Once he learns what’s inside, bunny boy is absolutely charmed! It’s hard for him to stay away, especially since he just gravitates towards your cheery energy. Nevertheless, the Black Army King won over in the end.

When Ray first meets you, he appreciates your quiet side. Not too noisy or annoying, unlike certain members in the Black Army. Besides, you seem to have your head screwed on straight, so he won’t have to worry too much about you getting into endless trouble. Your maturity throughout the entire situation will only garner his respect.

When Fenrir cracks a crude joke and you stifle your laughter, Ray raises an eyebrow. There’s definitely more to you than meets the eye and he’s interested in what exactly hides behind your quiet exterior. While he may not go out of his way to search for it, Ray takes mental notes when you do something that pleasantly surprises him.

Bookworm buddies!! Every now and then, you two engage in a reading competition: who can read the most books throughout the week? For the prize, the loser has to listen to the winner’s commands for an entire day. While the winning party varies, it’s always a close call.

Ray is always teasing you for being a hopeless romantic. However, that’s just his way of hiding how he thinks that your mentality towards love is adorable. If he’s completely honest, you remind him of the main heroine in most romance novels. Does that mean he’s willing to be your love interest? Why don’t you ask him and find out ;)

Ray notices the twinkle in your eyes when you watch him practice with his sword. When you ask him about it, he’ll happily show you all the types of swords and guns that are used in the Black Army. He even gives you confidential information about the latest gun prototypes. At one point, he’ll even gift you with the weapon of your choice (you can customize it however you want). Whether you choose to use it is up to you (but little tip here: Ray finds it hot when you carry it around on your belt).

Another Possibility: Blanc Lapin

MLQC

I’d pair you with............ Victor!

Before I unveil first place over here, I think you and Kiro would also have amazing chemistry too! You two would mesh so well together, being the biggest balls of sunshine. When you’re feeling down, you can always expect his teddy-bear smile to cheer you up in an instance. It gives me such “wholesome couple vibes” that I’m not even sure how to put it into words.

So you must be wondering, “Why Victor?” It’s because our loveable grump needs some sunshine of his own (a ray of sunshine that he won’t throw out the window or chastise to death). From the beginning, Victor takes a liking towards you. You’re mature, dependable, and want the best for the company. Even if you’re not directly involved, he appreciates your efforts towards becoming the best. There’s something about you that makes him want to root for you.

And so he does, pouring a decent amount of money into your dreams. However, Victor will constantly watch you from the side (after all, he’s gotta see how his investment is being used). This may cause you some discomfort, but he’s doing it to make sure that you get to the top of your dreams. 

When you’re feeling unsure of yourself, Victor will give you the guidance that you need. He’ll try his best to give his input on the situation, making sure that it gets you closer and closer to the answers that you need. Once you manage to pull everything together, he can’t help but feel a little tug on his chest. It’s a combination of both pride and something a little sweeter.

Victor also finds your multi-faceted personality quite impressive. It’s amazing how you can show a range of emotions and feelings, especially when you’re dealing with different types of people. He doesn’t have such a range of emotions, so he tries to pick up on a few of your traits. It doesn’t always work, but you always get a good laugh out of it.

Whenever Victor has had a long day at work, the two of you lay on the grass and watch the night sky. There’s something about the stars that calms him and he wouldn’t have known it if he never met you. So he’ll always be grateful for the peace that you’ve given him. 

Another Possibility: Kiro

[moiraineswife]

can you do the ship meme you answered with philippa and whoever else you'd like to answer it for please?

u can indeed!!!!!! i’m going to take advantage of you nonnie and answer this with the last two f/f ships I haven’t done yet. (since I’ve already done Sheala and Triss it seems reasonable to just make things neat and complete) 

Philippa/Yennefer (bc……………yes) 

falls asleep on the couch- Probably Yennefer tbh. Phil has been ranting for a solid 20 minutes about some grievance/scheme/plot/plan/combination of the above and like, pauses for breath/Yennefer’s input only to discover Yennefer dozing in blissful ignorance on the couch in front of her, not taking in a word (Phil would be highly miffed if she didn’t look so adorable in her sleep) 

makes friends with the neighbors- They’d probably mostly keep themselves to themselves but Yennefer will make polite small talk with them if approached by them in the street (and she’ll frog-march Phil away from them if she so much as opens her mouth in their presence…….She will, however, happily allow Phil to aggressively make out with her in front of any neighbours  who disapprove of them, however. The opportunity is just too good to miss (she draws the line at allowing Phil to invite them over for dinner one night, she’s pretty sure they’ll have a heart attack, which is either going to be induced by Phil fingering her at the table or slipping poison into their soup. Depends on her mood.) 

is the adventurous eater- Probably Yennefer. I can see Phil and Yen getting a little restless and travelling quite a lot together. Yennefer would want to try all the delicacies in the new places they were in. (Phil refuses point blank…….unless Yennefer innocently suggests that she can try licking them off of her, then she gets much more interested) 

hogs the covers at night- Tbh they probably both have a tug-of-war every night because they both want them. Phil yanks them off Yen, Yen yanks them off Phil, growling is done, sex is probably had nine times out of ten and then they collapse in a messy heap together, too tired to argue over the covers. Problem solved. 

forgets to do the dishes- Phil. Yen has never described herself as a neat-freak, and never will, but Phil takes messiness to a new level. “I was going to get them eventually, Yenna, don’t fuss.” “Phil, things were breeding on it.” “……..Anyway.” 

tries to surprise their partner more often- Yennefer probably like, makes vague attempts at romantic surprises early on in their relationship and then……gives up. I just can’t see Philippa having a single romantic bone in her body, seriously. Even if she genuinely adores her partner it just…..Doesn’t work. She will make an effort for Yen’s birthdays, though (usually) because she likes being spoiled and fussed over every now and then, and Phil knows that. And when she actually tries she can do the whole romance thing really quite well (she just….doesn’t quite see the point in it. but baby steps, baby steps) 

leaves dirty laundry on the floor- Both of them. It gets aggressively torn off and discarded as they make their way to the bedroom. By the time they’re done with each other, neither of them really feels inclined to tidy up after themselves. (Bonus: Phil wearing Yen’s shirts the next morning (bc i picture Phil being extremely!smol and this image Pleases Me (and Yen))) 

stays up til 2 AM reading- Philippa omg. Yennefer grumbles about it because, ‘Phil, it’s 2am, will you please put the light out and sleep?’ To which the answer is, inevitably, ‘I’ve only got 124 pages left, Yenna, don’t nag.” To which the inevitable answer is Yennefer easing the book out of Phil’s hands, marking the page, closing it and placing it on the bedside table, and kissing her deeply before she can complain. 

sings in the shower- Probably Yennefer. She doesn’t always know all the words and it goes from like, enthusiastically yelling the words to like…vaguely mumbling the bits she doesn’t know…to enthusiastically yelling again. Phil is either deeply amused by this or vaguely irritated, depending on how much sleep she’s had/how sore her head is/how well her latest Scheme is going.) 

takes the selfies- Yennefer probably takes slightly more than Phil but I actually can’t see her going overboard with them? Just a few every now and then at special events and stuff. This is…Another thing that Phil is a bit like ‘No’ on. Unlike the romance thing this is something that she just…Won’t bend on. (She does, grudgingly, allow other people to take their picture for them if they’re out together…and tries not to grimace too much (she inevitably looks like she’s just swallowed a lemon but she insists that she’s trying)) 

plans date night- Hmm, they probably take turns, actually? They get a date about and the other just completely goes with what they want to do and let’s them totally run it. Phil’s are usually fancy restaurants with stunning views that Yenna is just sort of…okay who did you murder to get us in here, Phil? (Philippa just smiles rather disconcertingly, and even more disconcertingly doesn’t answer) Yennefer probably gets tickets to see some performance or other that’s in town and then back to the house for wine, dinner, and sex. 

and finally, the delightful tiny crack!ship interesting to a grand total of me, me, and me: Philippa/Assire: (idk either, i have no explanation, don’t look at me, just go with it) 

falls asleep on the couch- Right, I’m not saying that Assire slipped a light sleeping potion into Philippa’s tea because she hadn’t slept in about three days and Assire was getting worried but….Phil snuggled down and fell fast asleep on the couch about two minutes after finishing the drink Assire sweetly  made for her and insisted she take while it was still hot so like…draw your own conclusions. 

makes friends with the neighbors- Assire makes shy, polite conversation whenever they pass in the street (while repeatedly stamping on Phil’s foot to stop her interjecting with sardonic commentary. She just mutters her comments directly into Assire’s mind via telepathy instead and the poor girl spends the entire thing not to snort with laughter at Phil’s…Insights.)  

is the adventurous eater- Assire adores spicy food, the hotter the better, and she takes great delight in feeding it to Phil every now and then and watching her turn scarlet and reach for a glass of water. Assire isn’t fussy at all, there’s probably a grand total of like three things in the world she doesn’t like, and two of them she will make herself eat to be polite.  

hogs the covers at night- Phil the blanket burrito strikes again. Fortunately, Assire doesn’t really mind this because she always tends to be quite hot at night, and Phil has a nice habit of tugging the covers off of her just as she’s starting to get too hot. So instead of grumbling, Phil gets a grateful little kiss on the side of her head and they both go back to sleep. 

forgets to do the dishes- Philippa. Assire is very neat and very tidy and basically scoops the dishes out from under Philippa the second she’s finished the last bite of her food so that she can wash them up. There is not a spec of dirt anywhere in Assire’s house. (She got so pissy with Phil one time she flew straight in through the window and got rain and feathers EVERYWHERE. Phil has not done so again. One does not piss off Assire, even if one is Philippa Eilhart) 

tries to surprise their partner more often- Omg Assire does but it probably backfires spectacularly because she’s probably just !!! i have a surprise for you! And Phil is all ;) mhm? what might that be? ;) and Assire just, I’ve adopted a cat! And Phil is just……….you have got to be kidding me. And it’s literally the ugliest cat Philippa has ever seen in her entire life, half-chewed off ears, riddled with fleas, matted fur, skinny as anything, but Assire is looking at it like it’s a priceless treasure and telling Phil that she found it outside all alone, with no-one to take care of it. So now they’ve adopted it. And Phil is just like ???? you are too pure how did I ever fall in love with u?(Also Phil is totally allergic to the cat, and it hates her as much as she hates it…but it’s also crafty af like her so it will curl up in her lap and purr and be all over her and Assire is so happy because “look, he likes you Pippa!!” Phil is looking into its demonic yellow eyes knowing full-well it’s only doing this to get her covered in cat hair so she spends all night sneezing. And she just glowers down at it and grinds out through gritted teeth, “Yes, he does, isn’t that lovely?” Meanwhile she’s planning about six different ways to poison it without Assire noticing (she never does but dammit she’s tempted) Also, apparently Assire attracts scheming devil-beasts and somehow manages to tame them? there you are))  

leaves dirty laundry on the floor- Philippa does and Assire gets grumpy (and also the cat sleeps on them, to further infect her with its fluff) So between Assire’s disapproval and the demon-cats scheming, Phil starts tidying up after herself a little more, cursing both of them to high heaven. 

stays up til 2 AM reading- Actually probably both of them? Philippa is probably researching while Assire is reading some fictional book that keeps making her cry (she concludes her research at a reasonable time, the night is devoted to pleasure reading), but they’re both up and in the same room and they both have that kind of ‘I’m starting, I’m finishing it’ type of mentality? (Assire is the one who stops Phil reading though, because her book comes to an end while Philippa gets caught up in an endless circle of checking this and that and the other and Assire just, no reading time is over it’s time for bed now, Philippa)  

sings in the shower- Assire probably sleepily mumbles something without really realising she’s doing it when she takes morning showers (it takes a little while for her to wake up) 

takes the selfies- Probably neither of them, tbh. Assire is too shy and Philippa is too…not bothered. They don’t have very many pictures of themselves, and Assire is always a little bothered by that fact and tries to get more taken of them. Philippa indulges her bc Philippa does not say no to Assire about anything. 

plans date night- Philippa plans them when they actually go out but sometimes Assire will just announce that it’s date night to stop Philippa working. When Assire plans it, it basically just consists of her deciding she’s feeling distinctly underappreciated and she cooks Philippa some nice food and then spends the night sitting on her so that they spend some quality time together with absolutely no interruptions for work/scheming. 

[snickerl]

Elixir Vitae

AU fanfic set around the time of IWTB. 

Find previous chapters here: Chapter I / Chapter II / Chapter III / Chapter IV / Chapter V / Chapter VI / Chapter VII / Chapter VIII / Chapter IX / Chapter X

Chapter XI

Over the past weeks, Scully has been reading quite a few X-Files. The first one I gave her was the one to our first case in Bellefleur, Oregon. I've put together what I hope is a representative collection of our work, sparing her the most horrible cases, the ones with tortured victims or harmed children. Some make her laugh, some make her look at me with her eyebrow hitting her hairline, some clearly incite her scientific interest, some make her gasp, and some put an expression of terror and shock on her face.

What I don't like about this reading process is that she isn't talking to me about how she copes with all this crazy crap. Does is make any sense or is it all science fiction to her? Does she think that the work we were so dedicated to was nothing but a wild-goose chase? She probably doesn't remember that I once told her I hadn't made the world a happier place, and if she asked me now whether it was worth it, whether my obsession with the X-Files was worth all the pain, the grief, and the loss, I wouldn't know how to answer her.

She spends a lot of time in the huge wing chair by the fireplace these days, cross-legged, an X-File on her lap, her reading glasses on the tip of her nose, and a pot of tea on the coffee table. She sits there for hours, deeply buried in a file, unresponsive and ignorant to what's happening around her. There are days, I deliberately vacuum the living room and work extra extensively around the chair just to make her look up and interact with me, but I doubt she even notices what I'm doing. She'd said she wanted me to guide her through her getting re-acquainted with the X-Files but now she's doing it all alone, and I'm not convinced that this is the best way to do it.

The chair is empty now, after having been occupied by a reading Scully since breakfast. I'd put lunch on the table and she spoke maybe ten words with me during our otherwise silent meal. We never felt the urgency to fill the silence, to babble only to make a sound. We could sit in a car for hours without saying a word, each dwelling on their own thoughts, without feeling awkward for a second. But this silence doesn't feel comfortable, and it frightens me. After lunch, when she helped me clear the table and do the dishes, she was absentminded and again not very talkative. I even suggested she give her mom a call just to hear her voice but she shook her head and said she wanted to go for a walk. When I offered to join her, she explained that she needed some time to contemplate and rather go alone. I wasn't too happy about it but it was okay for me as I had planned to do some repairs around the house, fixing the loose contact of the living room floor lamp being one.

I'm just about to finish my job when I hear her open the screen door. I turn around, switch the light on and off and announce proudly, "I fixed the lamp."

Instead of patting me on the shoulder and congratulating me on my handicraft, she enters my personal space wordlessly, puts her hands on the back of my neck, and fondles my hair. When she leans in for a kiss I'm a bit surprised, but she tastes too good not to reciprocate adequately. So I let my tongue sweep the insides of her cheeks and my hands gently squeeze her waist.

"Mmmm, Scully," I mumble with my lips on hers, "I just fixed that cable. No big deal."

"I have something to tell you," she purrs into my ear after breaking the kiss which is obviously not meant as a reward for having fixed her reading lamp.

"Oh? Something good?"

I'm not sure. What did she need time alone to think about?

She looks at me, her eyes unreadable, and I decide not to try to imagine what she wants to say to me but just wait for her to start.

But she doesn't.

She presses her lips together and tucks her hair behind her ears. I'm glued to her lips, waiting for them to form some words, but all they do is wait to be licked once again. She clears her throat which makes me think she's about to talk, and her mouth does open but no sound emerges from it, instead, she closes it again and bites her lower lip.

C'mon, woman, don't let me starve here!

"Scully! Would you please say something!"

"I don't know how."

Her ribcage rises and falls vigorously now with her heavy breathing.

"Just spit it out! Are you leaving me?"

Has this been her farewell kiss?

"What? No! Why would I leave you?"

"I don't know. Because you still don't know who I am? Because you still can't remember us?"

I stare at her and can't keep my eyes from filling with fearful tears. Of course, our happiness wasn't meant to be for good, what have I been thinking? Of course, fate played a trick on us, taking away from us the only good thing that has remained a constant in our lives which is our relationship.

"But I do," she whispers.

I'm confused, and I bet my face is showing it.

"You do what?"

"Remember us. Us together."

I better make sure there's no misunderstanding here. I've kept my hopes low all this time, never allowed them to get out of hand, always reminding myself that her amnesia might remain permanent. I only wanted to keep myself from breaking apart completely should it ever become a reality we have to deal with. So when I hear her say she remembers something, anything, I want to be sure I'm not mishearing.

"You do?"

She nods.

I'm a bit worried because her face is so earnest despite the best of news she's sharing. She seems insecure about it, so I don't dare to rejoice over it yet. There must be a check. One way or another, my knees feel like Jell-O and I have to sit down. I lower myself to the backrest of the living room couch for support.

"You remember?" I ask cautiously.

Another nod.

"Since when?"

"Have you fallen back into the phase of two-word sentences?" she replies, grinning noncommittally.

"Don't do this to me, Scully," I beg her in more than two words. "Answer my question. Since when do you remember? What do you remember?"

"It started a few weeks ago. Shortly after I began reading the files you gave me."

"A few weeks ago? Why haven't you said anything? How could you keep that from me? My heart was breaking for you because of your memory loss and you don't deem it worthy to tell me when it's coming back?"

I guess I sound a bit worked-up, but I am! How could she do this to me?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. They were just single, incoherent flashbacks at the beginning. More like déjà-vues than real memories. I couldn't tell whether I remembered something or whether I'd read it or had been told."

Shit! That's exactly what Dr. Pratt predicted would happen if we fed her memory with input.

I told you I didn't want you to read those damn files, Scully!

"It took a while until things began to make sense to me, until I dared to believe in what I was remembering. If I had talked to you about it, it would've left me insecure yet again. I had to figure this out myself first."

"And? Have you figured it out?"

"Not all of it. I still miss a lot of memories, I guess, but I've got quite a few of them back."

She beams at me and I marvel what I am to make of her glowing face.

"So? What do you remember?" I ask, praying for her to remember mainly the good things that happened to her. Yes, there have been a few! Of course, there've been considerably more sad than happy moments, especially since she started hanging out with me. So, from a statistical point of view, it's much more likely that the horrible moments of her life creep back into her conscience than any of the rare joyful ones. But would she be beaming like she is right now if that were the case?

"What I mainly remember is..." She takes another step toward me and positions herself between my legs as I'm still sitting on the sofa's backrest. Her eyes are at level with mine and her glance is meaningful and also full of emotion. "Us," she says.

I swallow. "Us?"

"Yes, Mulder. Us." She moves yet a little closer and entangles her hands behind my neck. "I remember when we first met. How I rode the elevator all the way down to the basement of the Hoover Building, nervous to meet the infamous Fox Spooky Mulder."

I give a short laugh.

"I remember that when I saw you hunched over some of your beloved slides and you turned around to look at me, my first thought was 'Why hasn't anybody told me how cute he is?'"

"Oh, c'mon, Scully, you're making this up!"

"No, I swear it was my first thought. But, of course, my excitement quickly turned into bewilderment when you interrogated me about my beliefs in the extraterrestrial."

She smirks at me.

"That's more like it. What else do you remember?"

Her demeanor loses all of its playfulness in an instant. She stiffens, and to me, it's more than clear that she's not only recollected the fluffy moments.

"I remember having been abducted and left in a coma, and seeing immense relief in your eyes when I woke up. Relief and joy but also guilt. And I remember seeing the very same expression again when I told you that the cancer had gone into remission two years later."

"Ugh, yes. I had my difficulties coping with the diagnoses. Both times. I was afraid I'd lose you."

"That would explain the relief and the joy, but not the guilt."

"Scully, I was the root of what happened to you. If you hadn't accepted the assignment to work with me, you-"

She puts a finger to my mouth to stop me from finishing the sentence and shushes me. "I thought we'd already talked about my making choices and being responsible for my life."

"But-" I try again but am interrupted right away.

"No but. Don't reduce me to a tiny, brittle woman without the will nor the ability to determine her own life. I might not know everything about who or what I am, but I do know I'm no such person."

"No, definitely not. Tiny, yes, but definitely not brittle. You're the fiercest, toughest, and most strong-willed person I know, and that includes the male part of my acquaintances."

Her expression softens at the compliment. I guess she noticed my admiration was honest.

"You said you remembered 'us', Scully. What exactly did you mean by that?"

"That most of my memories circle around us. Us as partners, us as friends. As lovers. Parents." Her voice trails off. Its tone has changed within those few words from firm to insecure and finally sad. The way our relationship has evolved over the years couldn't be described any more pointedly.

"You remember us with William?"

She nods, then shakes her head. "There's something I really don't understand, Mulder."

She swallows away a lump that must be the size of a cantaloupe because of the extensive gulp she's taking to get rid of it.

I know exactly what's bothering her. "You're asking yourself why I'm not in the picture much."

She closes her eyes and frowns. I can see how digging out the memories deep down from her conscience is a physical exertion.

"I have recollections of us at Lamaze class, but not when I told you I was pregnant. I see you talking to the pediatric nurse at the hospital, but not beside me when I gave birth. Actually, I don't have any recollections of the delivery room whatsoever, but I just know you weren't there. I see you holding him between us and kissing me, I see you humming a lullaby to him, I see myself feeding him in his high chair or pushing him through the park in his stroller. There are images of him at an age he's able to hold his head up, to sit, to crawl, but there are none with him being old enough to speak his first words or take his first steps. I've never heard him call me mommy, have I?"

A tear emerges from her closed eyes. I'm transfixed by the wet path the drop takes down her cheek until it comes to a halt on her upper lip, followed by another one which makes its way much quicker for it's bigger and guided by the trail the first has left behind. She catches both tears which have formed one big drop close to her mole with her lower lip and sniffs. Eventually, she opens her eyes and with a gaze so pure she asks me, her voice barely above a whisper, "how have we been able to survive this, Mulder?"

Seeing her having understood everything, seeing her getting the whole picture of our short, painful parenthood, even if some details are still missing, tears me apart. My own hurt, which I'm able to lock up more often than I'm not, is pushing itself forward with a vengeance and I feel tears filling my own eyes. I have no words to say to her. She's asked the right question, but I don't have an answer for her other than that we haven't done so much more than keeping up our vitally important body functions. We have survived the loss of our child, yes, we have stayed alive, but we haven't been able to get over it. Not in the least. And we never will.

"We had each other, Scully," I say. "We depended on the other to give our lives a meaning. And it worked. They way we loved each other helped us to cope with the pain. We learned how to be happy without him. There were days we failed miserably, but more days we managed to be grateful for having us, and we enjoyed being together. I guess we got married to make exactly that statement, that we'd decided to pull through this together, to not let fate beat us."

"Sounds like a pretty symbiotic relationship," she says, her eyes scrutinizing my face.

I give a gentle chuckle. "It was symbiotic from the moment we met, Scully. I'm dependent on you in every respect. You're my elixir of life."

I hope I'm not overwhelming her with my confession, but I've always been the more feeble one in our relationship, always more dependent on her than she was on me.

She cups my face with her hands, locking eyes. Her thumbs stroke my cheeks tenderly and I see so much compassion in her face, I fear I'm going to drown in it.

"It must have been very difficult for you when I was gone."

"Difficult?" I chuckle again, but this time it sounds bitter. "Yeah, difficult would be an appropriate word."

I almost ceased to exist. Getting up in the morning, facing another day without knowing her whereabouts or condition, was an energy-sapping exertion. I felt so lost in my world. Deserted and alone, like a toddler in a supermarket who doesn't know which aisle their mother has vanished into. The boundless fear that she was abused or tormented somewhere by this freak made me picture the worst scenarios my profiler's mind was able to come up with. It was like hell on earth.

So, yes, I definitely had a difficult time.

I believe she's divined my thoughts, at least some of them, because she rests her forehead against mine and I feel her soft breath on my face. It's such an intimate posture. At the time we still held on to the platonic nature of our partnership so eagerly, putting our foreheads together had been the most intimate way we allowed ourselves to touch each other.

"Oh, Mulder, I'm so sorry," she whispers. She presses a kiss to my forehead before she pulls me into an embrace.

I rest my head against her chest and let her stroke my hair. The regular beating of her heart soothes me.

"I'm back," she reassures me, "maybe not completely yet, but I won't go anywhere, ever."

to be continued