#but my perfectionistic ass will never start writing anything for this fandom until I feel I have an adequate understanding of The Lore

[rorydrawsandwrites]

So far I'm honestly a lot better at drawing Puzzles with the big cartoony eyes than the white dot ones for the moment

[guangshi-091305]

Am just curious.. you seem to like a lot of Wei Ying and others. Each to their own, but I wondered if you didn't like Lan Zhan or Wangxian as a couple or something?

ok so there's two issues with me writing wangxian:

1- I have read so many wangxian fics its insane and that means after reading every five or so fics, I'd come up with a new wangxian fic idea and i'd get scenes and perfect dialogue snippets in my head and they will make me salivate over the very brilliant fic I am planning. And then I get lost in planning an the fic stops being a oneshot and becomes a very fucking longfic instead. So i either start collecting bits and pieces of the fic in a seperate doc until I can completely write the fic before i post. Which is hard. WIPs are hard, I get carried away and then I hit a writer's block for a particular fic and its over.

The reason why I dont post multichapters? Because for the last three fandoms I left, I had big dreams and expectations of my very brilliant multichapter fics and my fandom shifts are so abrupt I have no time to finish a fic i've been working on for months and they end up being abandoned because if i end up in a new fandom, I cant go back and write the characters from my previous fandoms the way i wished to. I can no longer do them justice or put my heart and soul in them and my perfectionist ass thinks thats unfair to my readers. So I stop posting. So now I wont ever post a multichapter until its fully written because its better for people to not know what they're missing out on instead of see an abandoned fic and know EXACTLY what all they are missing out on. I've been hurt like this in my first fandom and istg it was bad. It was a slowburn, angsty 100k worded fic and the main pairing hadnt even kissed yet. the MMC was lusting after another chara while the FMC was catching feelings and the fic just...stopped there, with MMC imagining fucking someone else. I cant tell you how badly my mind refused to do anything but hope and wait for that fic to update and it never did. I was in the fandom for a year before I got into a new thing and ig the pain of that never left?

2- Even if I deprive wangxian-ers of a uniquely plotted new fic, they wont miss out much. There's well over a thousand wangxian fics in various settings, using various tropes. But for rarepairs? There's barely enough full-fledged fics or oneshots. A lot of fics tagged with a rarepair have that as a past ship or one sided thing OR a drabble collection which is cool but not what I am looking for if I go in the tag. So I do this for myself mostly, for rarepair readers, there's not many I cant disappoint by writing oneshots, they're just so happy with anything. I'd know, I am one of them.

Bonus reason: most of my wangxian ideas come to me when I CANT write. like 5 minutes before i pass out into a dead sleep or during an exam or when I am in class or basically any time I cant write and by the time I can, I've lost the drive I had and put it in the back burner for 'fics i may write someday'.

I hope that answered your question. I knew this was coming lol so I answered in as much detail as I could. I do hope to write wangxian fics, actually i am surprised my first fic wasnt a wangxian one tbh because i've been planning several of those but oh well.

Have a great rest of the day and thank you for being kind! <3

[loverhymeswith]

Yay! More Meta asks!

Can I have #4, #16, #17, and #25? ❤️

Ahh thanks babe, I love these asks! 💕

4.  Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

OK so this is by no means the best written snippet but it's what I'm working on at the moment and it just makes me feel things 😭 it's also a bit of a teaser for what's to come!

She starts to look away, but he reaches for her, tilting her jaw towards him. He looks into her eyes and it’s like he’s searching for the right words.

“You want the truth about why I came here? I missed you, ok? I missed our car rides, I missed you savin’ my ass on every mission. I missed all of it. I’ve missed you every single day since I made you get on that fuckin’ plane. It was the hardest thing I ever did. But it was also the best thing. I would do it all over again. Because you’re free. And now I'm free, and I just thought that maybe…”

“Maybe?”

“That maybe I’d find out if you might have missed me too.”

A half laugh-half-sob escapes Angel’s lips. “I missed you too, Rick. Every day.”

16. Tried anything new with your writing lately? (style, POV, genre, fandom?)

The Altered Carbon piece I posted this week was the first time I've written from the reader's perspective. I normally write third person so I was a little apprehensive about changing POV, but in the end I was really happy with how it turned out and I really enjoyed writing it! ☺

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

Hmm, this is a difficult one. I'm not really sure how readers perceive my work, I just hope they enjoy it! I think it might surprise people to learn that until recently I hadn't written fan fiction for about 10 years, and that I have various original projects that have been in the works for years and I will probably never finish! 🙈

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Finally getting my thoughts out on the page! I spend a lot of time daydreaming about ideas and planning them out in my head, so it's great to finally write them. I also enjoy the editing stage, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so I can get caught up in this sometimes!

Thanks again!!!

[norihisahyuga-archived]

tagged by @chlance for this 10 + 1 facts about me thing. i’m not entirely sure i’ve seen that floating around before now. also, i’m incredibly boring.

click the read more at your own risk.

i’ve been writing for 11 years. it’s weird to think about it in terms of time now because i used to talk about it in high school, joking i’d have been writing for a whole decade soon. but nonetheless, it’s true. i started writing when i was very young because state standardized testing is terribly boring, takes too little time, and i needed to fill in the huge empty gaps of waiting with something. i’m still not entirely sure what drove me to write in the first place, but that’s what i did. and i’ve almost always been exclusively fascinated by stories about lgbt people and lgbt relationships even before i knew i was lgbt.

i like shitty movies and hate good movies. that’s only half a joke. there are plenty of movies that are considered “good” that i like, but when i actually tried watching a lot of classic movies that people have raved about, i ended up not liking a lot of them or just being terribly bored. it’s not even just a matter of not appreciating the themes present, but more that the films just don’t hold my interest for very long. in contrast, i can binge watch shitty horror films until i pass out in the middle of them. creature feature weekends on syfy used to be my favorite parts of the month for a reason.

i have a fear of ghosts and demons. i’m not entirely sure what caused it or why it’s become such a part of my life, maybe it’s just too many possession/demonic horror films at the wrong point in my life. maybe it’s just that i was raised religious and though i’m not religious anymore, i still can’t shake the fact that i believe these things do exist and can be malevolent. maybe it’s too much reading too late at night. i don’t really know why, to be honest. it’s ironic, because i’ll purposefully seek out movies and books that feature ghosts and demons. the grudge came out in 2004, and to this day i still have a paranoid and irrational fear of stairs late at night and can’t shake the creepy feeling that something is in the dark. might sound crazy, but it’s true.

i suffer from mental illness and personality disorders. and they all most likely result from the abuse i suffered at the hands of my mother for most of my life. i have very high key anxiety, which makes it difficult for me to initiate conversations with people and make decisions that are risky in nature. it also makes walking my dog at night very difficult. there is also depression mixed in there, which makes me very tired and decreases my motivation significantly. i have bpd and avpd, as well. bpd makes it very difficult for me to manage my emotions, as everything feels very intense or very numb, and contributes significantly to my self-loathing as there’s a constant stream of uncertainty in my head. avpd makes it very difficult to talk to outside sources about my issues, which makes therapy at the moment an absolute impossibility. i’m finding my own ways to cope as i can, and i think it’s starting to work.

tadanobu asano is my favorite actor. and he has been since i watched ichi the killer when i was in sixth grade. that was a very pivotal point in my life for several reasons, and he’s very important to me. believe me when i say that silence might have been a shitty movie, but i really enjoyed everything he did in it. i’ve been steadily tracking down and watching his films ever since. he’s the real reason that i started watching j-horror in the first place, which is pretty much what led me to the place i’m at right now and led me to the fandoms that would become the most important to me and the most important in my life. there’s a LOT i would like to thank him for, tbh. he means a lot to me.

i love animals, and they love me. and i’m not exaggerating when i say that. i’ve encountered animals and been told that they’re dangerous, but they liked me just fine. i’ve had stray animals grow warmer towards me and allow me to pick them up and hold them. my grandmother had kittens in the barn next to her house and i was the one who made it possible for my cousins to touch them since they trusted humans by trusting me first. i’ve had people’s dogs who usually bite approach me and let me pet them. and i really love animals. i don’t kill bugs if i don’t have to, i used to play with the daddy long leg spiders that showed up in my veterinary science room in high school, and i raised praying mantises as a kid and kept a pet frog for just over a year.

i have a natural talent for academic writing. when i was in my last two years of high school, my grades absolutely tanked and a large part of that had to do with returning to an abusive environment and being so isolated from everyone that i had no way to cope. my grades suffered heavily, except for my grades in english. my senior year, i was taking a college freshman level class through a university and i was able to get great grades in it even when i often scrambled to complete assignments or worried i didn’t understand the material. i had a teacher comment he never understood how much english meant to me until he saw a test score of mine that was incredibly high when most people hadn’t scored that high. had i kept my shit together and gone to college, i probably would have studied it. i might still some day if i ever get my shit together enough to consider attempting anything academic.

i have a sleep disorder. it’s largely caused by working the night shift and developed the longer i worked there. while left to my own devices, i usually develop a nocturnal sleep schedule and spent an entire summer sleeping during the day and staying up all night several times. that didn’t really translate well to working for some reason. as time passed, it became more and more difficult to sleep during the day to the point where i now have to take sleep medication to ensure i sleep for more than three to four hours before i go to work. during my days off, my sleep schedule almost always tries to revert to me staying up during the day and sleeping at night, and it’s an active issue trying to resolve it. i’m strongly considering changing what hours i work as a result.

i’m agnostic. i was raised in a nondenominational christian church and ended up not going back once i entered public school. when i lived with my grandmother, i encountered several denominations, which were apostolic, baptist, and pentecostal. needless to say, i’m very apathetic at best to religion. that doesn’t stop me from watching movies that include religion or make me automatically dislike media with religious themes. i’ve also retained a lot of information about christianity from my time in the church and my own studies which makes me very critical toward people misusing the faith. i don’t mind people who are religious! i just merely ask that you don’t approach me about the topic unless you’ve asked first.

i’m gay and trans. it’s in my about and my description and if you somehow missed both of those, i talk about it a fair lot. my identity is very important to me. i knew for the vast majority of my life that i was not straight or cis, but i didn’t have the terms i needed to really describe how i felt and wasn’t really able to admit it to myself until recently. however, that’s who i am. being lgbt is very important to me and is a very important part of my life.

i’m a restless perfectionist. it’s why you’ll see my theme change often (though this one is lasting well). it’s why my icon and mobile banner change. on my old tumblr account and on twitter, my @ changed very often, as did my entire layout + color scheme. i want things to be perfect, and that often means changing them. that also means i pretty much bust my own ass on my writing and my gifs and edits, and it also means i hate a whole hell of a lot of what i create because it’s never up to scratch and never what i envisioned it to be.

since i’m supposed to tag 11 followers, i’ll tag @halfpastmonsoon @yoshimiyahagi @hironoshimizu @sparktaekwoon @complicatedmerary @chatcsantana @underjacksumbrella

look that’s enough anyway if you actually read this... i’m so sorry